The Glass Cannon Podcast - Strange Aeons Episode 28 – I Peg Your Pardon

Episode Date: July 7, 2022

Things got extra spicy with a hint of sacrilege in Glass Cannon Live's long-awaited return to Chicago when the heroes came up against adorable topiaries and kinky nobles. Join Troy Lavallee, Joe O'Brien, Skid Maher, Grant Berger and Matthew Capodicasa as they tour the country playing the Lovecraftian Horror Strange Aeons Pathfinder Adventure Path. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/9V2Jd8fHkeo Recap 17:53 Gameplay 23:46 For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for exclusive content and benefits, subscribe today at patreon.com/glasscannon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Grant's lack of mustache Chicago is Grant's lack of mustache. Chicago is Oh, a real mixed reaction. Wow. Joe's tiny wiener. Here's the thing.

I make fun of this poor guy all the time because he's my best friend and that's what best friends do. But it's important that you know that I've never actually seen him naked. I haven't. I've never stared at his situation, seen a misplaced photo of

his little Joey Jr. or even stood next to him in a urinal and accidentally violently sneezed and my sneeze just threw my gaze down in the direction of his boys. It's because you don't use urinals. You're afraid of them.

I'm a stall man. Sure, he's Irish, so it's the low-hanging fruit, pun intended, to make fun of the typically small Irish sausage or a banger, as your people call it. However, I've known this man for over ten years. And the way he carries himself, the way he reacts to certain things, his whole world view. And just every action that I've ever seen him do in person leads me to believe it's just a little roll of dimes in there.

Just half a pack of Lifesavers. That's all he's got going on down there. Why don't you show everybody what you've got? It's a family show. I really think we need to review your definition of best friend. I know. Is this what toxic masculinity is? Yes.

I've always wondered what that meant. I learned something today. What's up, Chi-town? Chicago! Look at this place! We've got people up there! Let's get off of Wieners, because I just got off yours.

I don't know where I was going with that. I don't know where I was going with that. I have been looking forward to coming back here ever since we left this city over two and a half years ago. Can you believe it's been that long? Two and a half years. Too long. I left this city over two and a half years ago. Can you believe it's been that long? Two and a half years. Too long. I love this city.

Chicago's the perfect love child of my two favorite cities, Boston and New York. It's a great sports town. It's a great drinking town. And when the top food options are like deep dish pizza and overstuffed hot dogs and Italian beef, you don't feel bad if you're having a chubby day because everybody's having a chubby day here.

It's just, that's what happens in this heart attack waiting to happen disguised as a city. We're amongst our own here. That said, I want to give you a little trouble here. I can't imagine ever choosing to live here, right? That seems like a weird choice. Let me explain. When I finished college, to me it was like

I'm either going to move to New York or I'm going to move to L.A. The Harvard and Yale of cities. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but this is kind of like a safety school of a city, right? Up top? It's kind of like a James Madison University of a city.

Maybe a Penn State. A Wyoming Polytech. That's what it is. That's what Chicago is. I kind of... No, I love it here. I really do. We need to love it here. I really do. We need to start coming here twice a year when there isn't.

Yeah. Twice a year at least. Can we do two? Can we do two? Would you do two? Two, two. We will do it the second there isn't an airborne disease that could kill all of us. Then we will do it.

But everybody here is vaccinated. Thank you. Thank you. This is what it can look like. Do you remember the before time? I don't. It must be tough if you're single now. You meet somebody

at a bar and you go home and want to punch a one-way ticket to sex town. Used to be all you worried about was getting herpes. Now herpes would be a delight if you could wake up and breathe and taste

food. Well, now I'd like to introduce you to four men who remind me of herpes. Because now that I have them, I can never get rid of them. Every once in a while, there's a flare-up. It gets real bad. I forget they're there for a while, and then just a week later, oh, there they are.

They're back again. They're back. I must be stressed. Yeah, but you can't give us to other people. I can't. Says you, Matthew. Says you. Speaking of which, I'd like to introduce you to the Al Capone of playwriting.

Because not only does he have a Napoleon complex, but he too will one day die of complications due to syphilis. Matthew Capitacaz, everybody! Look at him. Can you see him? Can you see him in the balcony? Or does he just look like a grey M&M? Matthew, if you had a vault like Al Capone, what would you keep in there? Let me guess. Books on self-righteousness? I mean, books. Books, definitely books.

I would be like Burgess Meredith in that Twilight Zone episode. I would just go down there and read. It would have been time now. Matthew was very mad at me pre-show, and I think we should talk about it. I wasn't going to talk about it. We should discuss this. I want to get it out of the way because I don't want us to have this thing the whole show. We need to clear the air. Yeah, we need to clear the air.

And I want to get everyone's opinion. If you think this is a bit that they're launching into, it's not. It's not. And I'm very uncomfortable. Yeah. It's about to get heated. In the green room, there is a couch. Now, where I come couch. It is a large

couch. It's two sides of the room. It's two whole walls of the room. Can you please let him finish his opening statement? You wouldn't see this couch and be like, that looks like a coat rack. No, it looks like a couch. So I did what any red-blooded American would

do. I sat on the couch that was full of their shit. Well, Mr. La-di-da comes over, and he gets so mad because I'm laying on his bag and his coat and his new glass cannon hat that I bought you. I own the company too, Troy. I paid for it as well.

He got you on a technicality. A higher percentage of that hat belongs to me. The point is, he came over, and you would think I punched his wife in the stomach. He was like, what are you doing? My sunglasses are in there. Now, if I had expensive sunglasses,

which I do, I don't bring them with me, but that's a separate problem altogether. I wouldn't leave them on a couch where people sit. And he comes over and he's like, let me see this. Oh, and my jacket's wrinkled and my hat. You can talk. Is my turn now? Yeah.

Literally, there's like 30 square foot of couch. And I walk in there. And everyone just walked in in just put their stuff down the couch i did as well i walk in there and i see troy after he's in he's in his pre-show mode which is just you know awful for all of us i don't like your tone and he's just like full on like on a devon directly he's sitting on my bag and jacket and I pick up the hat and the brim is like bent upwards. And the other complicating factor

is that Troy has already broken one pair of my sunglasses. Which I didn't know. Which I didn't know in my defense. I had no idea. I had to go buy another pair, which he then promptly sat on. There should be hazard warnings around you. I got a lot going on on I can't focus on it You know what I did when I Sunglasses in their coat

You know what I did when I walked into the room I was going to sit down next to Troy and talk about characters And I saw what happened His backpack was on the space next to him So I just picked up his backpack Moved it 12 inches and sat down Don't clap for that Don't clap for that. Don't clap for that.

Like a human being, Troy. Like a human being. That's what Matthew said sort of at the height of it. And he was serious. He was like, are you even human? Well, I'm sorry I sat on your jacket and your hat. Thank you for apologizing. I appreciate it.

And that didn't happen in the green room. What happened in the green room was Troy yelled back. Yeah. Then he got up and he went for his sixth trip to the bathroom. Not sure what's happening in there. And about six minutes later, he comes storming back in and is like, I would never put a coat on a jacket. Like, still just yelling at this jacket.

True contrition. Yes. Thank you for your apology. I'm going to put a coat rack in our rider from now on. Great. I'm not going to let you use it. Next up is a man as tall as the Sears Tower and twice as ugly. Give it up for Grant Berger!

Grant, Grant. The Berg! How you doing, Chicago? Grant, what did you do today? Did you ride your bike across the surface of Lake Michigan at top speed, you weirdo? I walked on water and I healed the sick, Troy. Oh, thank God. No, I think I did an hour on the elliptical.

Then I did a little arm stuff because my shoulder's getting better. And then I worked on some shows that are coming up. So that's exciting. That's a full day. Including some Delta Green that's coming up pretty soon. It's going to be so cool. I can't wait. You also made a drug delivery to Joe and I this morning.

I got a text message this morning. Hold on. Let me just read this text message. I'm waking up. I'm getting ready. I'm having a bit of a cold brew. And I get a message from Troy that says, 7.56 a.m. Hey, buddy.

If you get up and go to take a swim in Lake Michigan or bike to Wrigley Field or whatever the hell you do in the morning, would you pop by and bring 45 Advil to Joe and I? They say you're the pill man. And then he said out of that, he tried to be nice. He said, don't go out of your way. Only if you happen to be heading out. And I had to say, you're missing a magic word, Troy. And then he wrote please with 32 S's. I did.

Please! I thought the please was implied, but he showed up like a trooper, and I thought it'd be a fun bit because Joe and I were in rough shape courtesy of Goose Island, Bourbon County Stout last night. Why did I even make that? It's poison! And so I thought

it'd be a fun bit to pretend I was buying drugs from a local dealer. So I had my boxers on. I mean, I looked like I got hit by a car. Dude, it was pitch black in our room. Grant knocks and Troy shuffles up to the door. Like all hunched over and I just see a crack and like a little light comes in. The lock is on the door that I can only pull it like an inch away. And I put a paper bag out there.

You got the stuff, man. I did receive payment. I asked for a banana and I received it. It's true. I said, come on in. Here, you want a banana, handsome? Oh, man. I got a lot of bananas when I had the mustache.

That's how they got King Kong. That's how they got King Kong. That's how they got King Kong. And then I offered him, like, you want to do some of this with us? That was a fun little early morning bit. Joe is still not recovered. No, I feel terrible. You also went to bed at like 9.30 last night. Yeah, but I woke up at 4.

I took Grant's Advil, and about an hour and a half later I turned to Troy and I was just like he gave us placebos it's the only possible explanation he could have given us anything we're a control group he cut the Advil with I don't know, vitamins folks

next up is the Michael Jordan of computer hardware problems. Give it up for Skidmore! Skid! For a man who built his own computer, it's amazing how often you're stymied by its functions. I figured it out. I think I figured it out. I think I figured out what was happening. There's always times when you're just like, ah, like a child that started a grease fire.

You're like, ah, ah, ah. Are you having fun here in Chicago? I love Chicago. I love coming here. I always loved Chicago. I was recognized in Grant Park today. That's fun. Jack, are you here?

Did you make it? Jack? No, he didn't make it. Big fan. Super fan, Jack. That's the thing. We've been running into people. This has happened multiple city stops on this tour.

Probably every city. We run into people. It's like, oh, shit. It's a glass candle. I'm a huge fan. It's like, oh, shit. It's a glass candle. I'm a huge fan. It's just like, oh, you coming to the show tonight? He's like, you're doing a show here? None of them even know that we're doing a show.

It happens constantly. We really have to buckle down on our marketing because I don't know what the fuck else we need to do. Or sometimes they know it's a show. They're just like, oh, yeah, no. But it's so great to meet you guys. Like, no explanation. Not for me. I've got to do literally anything else tonight.

The one time you're in my town this year. But it was funny because he's working security at some, like, events, like in the park. He's like, skid, skid, glass cannon, skid. And I was like, what the fuck? Got my headphones in. I was like, oh, man, I'm such a big fan. Like, you're great. Like, I've emailed the show. And I'm like, oh, wow, that'm such a big fan. Like, you're great. Like, I've emailed the show.

I'm like, oh, wow, that's awesome. I'm looking at his security partner, this woman. I'm like, huh. Like, you try to engage other people in conversation. And she has no fucking idea who I am. So I don't know why I keep doing that. But it was great. It was awesome.

I feel like that's the only time I actually feel like genuine fame is those moments. And luckily, they're very few and far between. Thankfully. Next up. Oh, man. Here we go. How do we... What do I even say about this?

No one was better at being losers than the Chicago Cubs until they finally won the World Series a few years ago. This next man is like the Chicago Cubs, but he's still waiting for that World Series moment in life. Give it up for my friend and yours, Joe O'Brien. Yeah!

Chicago Joe. Chicago Joe. Chicago Joe. Chicago Joe. Chicago Joe. Chicago Joe. Chicago Joe. Chicago Joe. Chicago Joe. Amazing. I love Chicago.

I really, truly do. It is great to be back here. Great to be back here. Well, you were a real party animal last night. I think we have some photographic evidence of what kind of party animal Joe was. All the guys came over. No, no, no, no, no. To our hotel room.

There it is. You didn't. Oh, God. That was taken at 9.45pm last night. Look at that little angel. We were all trained by this all to their room and we get there and we're hanging out

we're doing a little work, we're having a little drink and then Joe just goes... Loud conversations. And Joe just goes straight to sleep. No, no, no. Right before I went to sleep, I put in my AirPods and fired up a Stellaris tutorial video and Troy was like,

Are you watching a Stellaris video? So angry because everyone was hanging out. I'm like, you're right. This is really rude. So I just took him out, closed my iPad and immediately went to sleep. And it wasn't like he was just sitting somewhere and he fell asleep. He went and changed into his pajamas. And then curled up in bed under the blankets. I literally think I got poisoned at Goose Island Brewery.

I truly do. My night just went, shoo! I felt great for an hour. And then I fell off a cliff. I think I see the reason why you pass out, Joe. The jalapeno Pequod's baby.

It was very, very good. These three gentlemen to my left were sweating just eating one tiny bite of a jalapeno pie. Insane. This guy ate four slices of that Pequod's pie. I didn't think it was possible. I think it nearly killed me.

It was worth it, though. I am so excited to be back here. Joe said earlier today, it'd be great if we could just play Strange Ions but not do a performance. That would be fun. But that is a testament not to us not enjoying the performance. My favorite fucking thing that we do.

It's a testament to how much we love this particular game and this particular story. So we've chatted long enough. Let's get into it. Grant, let's take it to the recap. Yes! They got it. Yeah, they got it. They got it. There was some argument as to whether people would get that and be excited,

and they did get excited. A lot of crossover wrestling and nerds. Yeah. Nerd fans. Oh, the lot of crossover wrestling and nerds. Yeah. Nerd fans. Oh, the recap. This one will be short. I won't. Can you believe last time we were in Chicago, it was our third live show of this Strange Aeons tour.

That's how long ago it was. It went L.A., Philly, and here. Now this is our 28th show. 28! show. 28! Wow. We were but children in the matters of this narrative back then. Though one of us was already on their second character. Yeah, I remember this as being like a breakout place.

This was like the first time I really got into the new character. Red hot. It was the start of the 2019 tour. This was like the first time I really got into the new character. Red Hot. It was the start of the 2019 tour. Chicago was amazing. It's where we met Angeline, who does all the art for our amazing posters. They're the best. Thank you, Angeline. It's where you announced that you were going full-time with Glass Cannon Network.

It's where I announced I was going full-time because of you guys. And you cried like a baby. What a day. What a day. Well, those halcyon days of wandering around Briarstone Asylum are over, but one could argue it was safer in the confines of that sanatorium than it is on the mean streets of Thrushmore. Aldo Casimir, Halster Price, Atticus Grimm, and Sir Julie Andros.

They'd been in town for a couple of days and they had been busy. Everyone except Sir Julie used to work for a man named Count Hazerton Lowles IV, the leader of this town. They were his thugs, his flunkies, his hired muscle.

Lyle's had them committed to the asylum, and somewhere along the way they lost their memory as well. The count is gone, but a lot of people from this town are gone. We were admitted to the asylum for amnesia. Were you? Well, ostensibly. Were you? Well, ostensibly. Were you? I want to find out.

Were you? A lot of people are missing from this town because they're being sacrificed by this cult of the king in yellow. They're kidnapping people, sacrificing them to power portals to another world through these monuments throughout town known as the Star Stelae.

You now know that they were using these stelae to teleport about town, passing through an alien nightmare city on the way and leaving a sooty mural of that strange city behind on the walls that they used to teleport about. That's why there's all these murals. It wasn't that weirdo artist. It was the star stelae. The four of you activated one of these monuments and stepped through to discover all of this, but also realized that one, there are other dormant and possibly even more dangerous powers teeming within the Stelae. And two, there is a third Stela

somewhere on the grounds of Iris Hill. Great pronunciation. I wrote it in a way that I would pronounce it phonetically. S-T-E-E-L-A. Well, after clearing out Fort Hill course, you learned more about what's happening in town.

Lyle's assistant, a woman named Mellie Sen, is orchestrating all of this, it seems. So after finally clearing out the fort, you rest and make your way to Iris Hill, but not before being intercepted by a hired assassin who nearly killed Halster with a death attack before you just mopped the floor with her and murdered her in cold blood. She had... Don't cheer for that. She had notes about the four of you,

what you look like, where you've been, and what you've been up to since you came to Threshmore. She was hired to take you out. Someone is out to get you. So finally, you arrive at Iris Hill, which is surrounded by a giant hedge with only one way in, the gatehouse. So you knock on the door

and are told by a pair of eyes behind a peephole that the estate is not receiving guests while the count is away. You don't like that answer. So you break in and you find a cultist of Hastur and two creatures known as Kuru, these cannibal tribal barbarians covered in tattoos with sharp biting fangs.

You pass the gatehouse into the main grounds to find an estate in disrepair, weeds poking up through cobblestones, destroyed flower beds, a manor house, and four outbuildings. Rather than go straight to the manor house, you decide to check on the outbuildings first. And as you walk towards one, you notice that three overgrown topiaries surrounding the fountain in the middle of the estate grounds

come to life and attack you. You are now at Iris Hill, staring down a giraffe, an elephant, and a donkey. Okay. Sounds so ridiculous.

It may be, but the rest of this book is no joke. Whoever said this is a children's game? Roll for initiative. Yes. Roll's game? Roll for initiative. Yes. Roll for initiative. Let's dance. So excited.

Poop. I just can't hide it. Oh, man. I don't know what's going to happen over the next couple hours. And that's the joy of this. What did you roll? Aldo. 14 for Aldo.

Not bad. Not good. Sir Julie Andrews. 15 for Sir Julie. Equally shitty. How's the price? 12. Oh.

Oh. Sorry. Oh. Sorry, Chicago. Atticus Group. I got this. Now it's fourteen. Who's got the higher-ish bone? I have plus seven. What's your bone?

What's your bone, Skid? Six. Oh. Well, then. And where are the topiary? Don't worry about it. A little help here, LaValle? They're these green guys.

The one up top here, that's the, what did I say, dolphin? Donkey. That's a donkey. A dolphin. No, it's a donkey. And then this guy over here to the west is a giraffe. He looks like the Toys R Us giraffe. It's kind of fun.

Aw. They had some fun with him. Jeffrey? Yeah, Jeffrey the giraffe. Remember him? Now we're bankrupt. Was it Jeffrey with a G? I think it was.

Children buy their toys online. And then this is the elephant right here. Look at that set up a gun. Of course, the elephant's the front line fighter. That's right. They know what they're doing. This isn't their first topiary fight. All right, let's sort this.

Oh, man. Round one. Let's do this. Living topiary number two. Who is the, let's see, he is the, oh, good, he's the elephant. He's coming after Halster Price. Flat-footed Halster Price, mind you. And he's going to try and slam you.

Let me see his reach. All right, he's going to have to take a five-foot step, which means he can slam twice. So five foot step just this elephant rumbles towards you. Is it like a baby elephant? It's rather small. It's a small elephant.

Okay. A pachyderm. Well they're all pachyderms. It's like Horton. It's Horton. Horton here's a who. No I think Horton was a full size.

Horton was a full sized elephant. Horton was a full sized elephant. Alright Dumbo. Wasn't Dumbo I've never seen it. There were elephants in the field museum today, and they were a little bit feisty with each other. They were fighting.

Yeah, like these guys are. Well, this will remind you of that. As they slam Halster. Power attack is on. Here we go. Slam. 12 to hit your flat-footed. Miss. Second slam. 20 to hit flat flat footed. Miss. Second slam.

20 to hit flat footed. That's a miss too, Troy. What a beast. What a beast. All right. Well, this is going to separate the men from the boys, I see. This guy up here, the giraffe, just charges at Sir Julie. Oh, no.

giraffe just charges at Sir Julie. Oh, no. With the grace of a giraffe and goes to slam her with power attack on against flat-footed. What is, just so I can imagine it and I can picture it in my mind, with what part of its topiary body is the giraffe slamming me with? The neck. Okay. That's what they do in the wild. Alright. I got a good picture of it now.

That is going to be a 17 against flat footed. Miss. Come on! Yes! I got to take power attack off. Alright. It is Sir Julie's turn. Sir Julie is going to swing back at the giraffe. Yeah. Okay. Power attack is on. Fur back at the giraffe. Yeah. Okay.

Power attack is on. Furious focus is on. Okay. That's going to be a 23 to hit. Hit everything. That is a hit. 23 points of damage as well. Nice.

So phenomenal. Okay. And I'll take a five-foot step. You will? Yes. All right. Okay. And I'll take a five-foot step. You will? Yes. All right. Okay. That's fine.

It is Atticus's. Watch this. Atticus's turn. Oh. I should look at my sheet. Atticus is going to look across at these things. I've seen many terpiares before, but never seen them come to life. What are they?

What is powering them? I'm going to do a knowledge check. Knowledge what? Knowledge topiaries. Arcana, maybe? Knowledge nature. Oh. This can't be natural. Ooh, 24. 24. Knowledge nature. Oh. This can't be natural.

Ooh, 24. 24. Knowledge nature. They are creatures known as living topiaries. Oh, man. Wow. Living topiaries. You were so happy to wait for that knowledge check.

Crushed it. Anything else you want to know? That's not my fault. That's a Paizo naming issue. Needs to be a little spicier than that. Yes, I want to know if they have any particular resistances or defenses. They have DR5 against slashing. You mean DR5, but only slashing gets through.

That's what I meant. I know. Yeah. That's what I meant. I know. Yeah. Ten years. They have. Dude, ten years from now, I still won't know how DR works. You will not.

I've just got a gap in my brain for how DR actually works. Oh, this will be helpful. They have a plus six to stealth and undergrowth. I love those kind of abilities. When they place them in the adventure in a courtyard with no undergrowth. They are immune to mind-affecting effects. And they have other immunities like that. So I'll let you as the rat wizard. Are they vulnerable to fire? Sorry, it's not your turn.

Lovely. All right. I'd love to help you out, but... All right. In that case, Atticus is going to see how this all shakes out. They don't seem to be hurting my allies too much, so he's going to delay. I'm serious. He's looking across, and he's just like, interesting.

Well, so Julie's got them covered. So does Halster with their weapons. They won't have a problem. I'm sure the fire's going to do quite a bit of damage. Why waste my time and energy right now? And so he will delay. Always the showman. It is Aldo Casimir's turn.

Okay. Aldo takes a cheeky step to the east to get a better angle to see this elephantine-believed foe here. And he shouts out, I heard that elephants never forget. Well, I hope you don't forget to die!

Die! And he throws a bomb. Yeah! Candy bomb! Oh, skittles. Could you get a little arc on that, buddy? Was that a peanut butter cup? That was was bad. That was very bad.

Skittles, right? Ooh. Ooh. Skittles. Skittles. Oh, I see. Now I get it. He hates that nickname. He hated it so much.

Yeah, that was good. All right, so I'm going to throw the bomb. That's against Touch AC. There's a minus four because the target is in melee. Ah. That is a seven. Oh, no. Let's see what square it lands in.

Roll a D8 and don't roll a one, two, three, four, five. Don't roll a six on that D8 or it lands on Halster. Two. All right, so it lands just to the north, which means it will take some splash damage. Okay, as does Halster? Two. Alright, so it lands just to the north, which means it will take some splash damage. Okay, as does Halster, actually. Don't you have that thing that doesn't have your allies take splash damage?

Yes, it does, but I have to hit my target for that to actually work. Glad we clarified. Stop complaining on the boards about it. Thank you. So that is a DC 17 reflex save. Shockingly, the cat-like reflexes of the elephant are not enough to stave off the full brunt of the splash tank. Okay.

The elephant takes eight points of fire damage. Getting started. How's Halster doing? Halster crushed it with a natty 19. Ooh, Halster takes a mere four points of fire damage. Sorry. Sorry, best friend. It feels like a hug when you hit me with splash damage.

Oh, mate. You're my best friend. You do see the elephant rear up on its hind legs in agony as the fire hits. And you see... Perhaps vulnerable to fire! Have a little fire, Scarecrow. Have a fire, Scarecrow. Yeah!

It is Halster Price's turn. Yeah, I don't want to burn any of my sweet self buffs on the living topiaries outside of the places we're actually going to so I'm going to drop Red Destiny at this point because it's a piercing weapon and draw my Cold Iron Kukri.

Okay. A mouth on the ground opens up and eats your sword. Oh, man. It is a Cthulian nightmare, this place. Halster quickly mourns the loss of his beloved sword and swings out. Here it comes. That is a 24 to hit.

That is a hit. My goodness. Nice work. 11. No. Eight points of slashing damage. Okay. So slashing does get through.

It's in rough shape. The splash and that hit. It's not looking shape. The splash and that hit. It's not looking good. That is one ready to die elephant. But now it is the hedge to the north. The mighty donkey. The mighty donkey.

What's the donkey's name? The donkey's name? Yeah. Well, obviously it's Jesus Weinstein. So Jesus does this ability known as head stride because that's what Jesus would do. And he appears right next to Atticus. Oh, no. Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! And he appears right next to Atticus. Oh, no. Jesus.

Jesus. Atticus says, round two. Oh, Atticus will go. Atticus will go. He'll go. Hey, fuck that. And he will withdraw. Full withdraw.

Yeah. Fuck you, Jesus! I'm out of here! Disappears in front of you. Oh, dear God! Oh, dear Jesus. It is... Oh, Jesus. We're all going to hell.

It is the elephant's turn, and he's mad. So he takes two slams against Halster. First one is a miss. Second one is a natural two. Another miss. Yeah. Suck it up, Halster. I'm leaving power attack on.

Two strikes against Sir Julie. First one, boom sauce. 22. You got me by one. Oh, no. Here we go for some damage. 11 points of damage. Okay.

We didn't let him hit hard. Let's see if you like this slam. 21. My AC, exactly. Two hits in a row. All right, min damage, eight. But that's 19 altogether. So Julie looks like the lights are about to go out

on this once great night. In that moment, even Jesus Weinstein turns and pities you. And it's Sir Julie's turn. He's not going to pity her in a second. Sir Julie will swift action lay on hands and then turn and deliver what she hopes is a devastating blow to the draft. You need more than one attack.

I would love more than one attack. 18 to hit. That's a hit. I rolled it. 24 points of damage. It had 24 hit points left. Oh, yes! Nice, dude!

So it is effectively disabled. That's so overblown for that. All right, so it is disabled. It will take one attack, and then it will fall unconscious unless someone else takes it out. I will take a five-foot step. Okay. Well, that sucks.

It is Aldo's turn. Aldo. Oh, wow. Okay, Aldo is just like wincing at the flames licking over his best friend's face. He's like, ooh, sorry. And he sees that the donkey, this is a donkey, right? Jesus, yes. Yeah, Jesus the donkey.

You found Jesus. And out of almost a panic, he shouts, get away from me, Jesus. Jesus. And he throws another bomb. Get some arc this time. Come on. Yeah. Yeah.

Nice catch. Bottle cap. That is a 15 against Touch AC. That hits Jesus. Yes. Touch AC. That hits Jesus. Yes.

That is 13 points of damage, fire damage. Yep. Just burn, Jesus, burn. Go back to hell where you belong, Jesus. Yes. Class counted out of context. Here we come. This is the kind of comedy I love. Right up to the line.

Seeing how far we can take it. No, no, it's okay. The donkey's name was Jesus. Right. That's what people may not get. The donkey's name was Jesus. Jesus did love donkeys. Look it up.

Donkeys all over that testament. Too many, if you ask me. It's Halster's turn. Halster shields his ears from the sacrilege and continues to strike out at the elephant in front of him. I'm going to lose so many subscribers. 21 to hits. 21 to hit hits.

Okay, that is going to be a nasty seven points of damage. Yowza. Taking an entire trim off the top. Oh, man. That was, what was that? The elephant? He is unhappy. His trunk has been removed.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Troy. Yes, you're no better than an ivory hunter. Oh. The ivory hunters aren't after the trunk. I think the trunk is an aphrodisiac. That's a horn.

That's a rhino horn. We'll talk about this later. It's Jesus' turn. And Jesus is going to stampede towards Aldo and slam once. I feel a crit coming on. I feel it coming on. This is the die that just changed 20s. Not a 20. 17 with power attack.

Miss! Come on! Yeah! Your AC has gotten better. Yeah. It's Atticus's turn. Atticus the Thrilling. He withdrew last round after a delay.

What are you going to do this time? Light up a pipe? Perhaps. That sounds delightful. He's going to look over at the giraffe. He just turns to the side, sees it sort of wavering on his feet, and is like, What are you still doing up? And he's going to do a ray of frost at it.

There we go. Ranged touch Zony. That is a 20. 20. You slide this ray just between Sir Julie and the edge of that building you were going to check out. And it hits the giraffe, and the giraffe freezes to you were going to check out. And it hits the giraffe and the giraffe freezes to death. Get out of here, giraffe!

Welcome back. It is topiary time. The giraffe unfortunately is dead, but the elephant yet lives. One slam against Sir Julie, one against Halster. I'm keeping Power Attack on because I believe in myself. First one against Sir Julie, 22.

Bro. Man, he is lighting you up, dude. He is. Why don't you put your sunglasses on? Maybe you can see this damage better. Oh! Max damage! 13 points of damage! You know what? This one's coming at Sir Julie too.

19. Miss. There we go. Woo! Well. After they had their fight, I came up to Troy and I told him I took his side in the argument. And it finally paid off because he attacked Matthew twice. I knew what you were doing.

We all knew what you were doing. It was very clear to us. It was very clear what was happening. Fucking Grant. I can't. Always gaming the system. Smart. He's a smart player. Just buttering up the GM.

It is Sir Julie's turn Sir Julie, you stand next to an elephant And This is what you see At your feet It's just It's not completely accurate Hold on

Let me put a blood pentagram on it Because shockingly As it fell A pentagram on it. Because shockingly, as it fell, a pentagram appears. It's just... You've never seen anything like this even after all your years in the world wound.

But that is what is ten feet away from you. Horrible sight. What is going on at Iris Hill? Sir Julie will swift action lay on hands and then take a swing at the elephant. Okay. That's going to be an 18 to hit.

That is a hit. Yes, kill it. 20 points of damage. And the elephant falls. Yes, Sir it. 20 points of damage. And the elephant falls. There we go. Yes, Sir Jules. Good job, Sir Julie. Aldo, what are you thinking?

Aldo is going to take a five-foot step back towards Atticus. And out of his bandolier, he's going to pull another vial. And he's going to drink it, and he's going to cast Cat's Grace on himself. Ooh, nice. Cat's Grace. Talk to me about why you're doing that instead of taking the attack.

Are you nervous about getting hit? Yes, and I missed with the bomb, and I almost killed my best friend in the world. Right. So this will increase my chance to not do that. I like it. That's just smart. Thank you.

All right. It is now Halster's turn. Halster, you see that poor, poor dead giraffe. And then you also see a now dead elephant. Jesus! Jesus! Oh, Jesus. Just horrible.

Jesus. And it, too, has a pentagram. What are the odds? You can get that off screen. What are the odds? You know who's not going to like this? Jesus. Not going to to like this? Jesus. Not going to care for this one bit.

Jeepers. What a sight. What do you do? Well, I don't, I'm not really making any value judgments here whatsoever, but just historically speaking, my odds are pretty good in a fight against Jesus. You Grant or you Halster? Halster. So Halster's going to charge Jesus.

I think you can take Jesus. In a one-on-one fight, I think Halster can take Jesus. The donkey. The donkey charges at Jesus. Let's not get confused here. We don't mean the religious figure. We're talking about this donkey whose name happens to be Jesus. Please don't get it misconstrued.

That is a 17 to strike Jesus. 17. That's gonna hit. Oh, great! Six points of slashing damage. Hey, you know what, though? It all goes through. Every little bit counts. If only there was a cartoon donkey that I could make up.

Dominic. Donkey. Yeah, or donkey. Shrek. Oh, I've never seen that. Well, now it's too late. Oh, Eeyore would have been good. Eeyore's crying.

Sorry I asked. Eeyore is a magically animated stuffed creature. Well, it is. What's your point? It is. I know. You sounded angry. In my mind, it just felt like's your point? It is. I don't know. You sounded angry. In my mind, it just felt like this is a topiary donkey.

It just felt like it would be too weird. What? That's too weird? Yes. Why? I don't know. We all have our lines, kid. Okay.

All right. I'm just curious. And for me, I guess it's A.A. Milne. Okay. Man, I got some images it's A.A. Milne. Man, I got some images here that I cannot put on the screen. Don't. That one. Oh.

I don't want to see this. It's just a cartoon Jesus riding a donkey. Just can't do it. There are lines. Can we turn the parental restrictions on the venue router please i always think about like my son is going to watch this someday both of my sons that's true like my dad's a loser glad he's dead i'm glad he's dead all right guys let's be serious the best part is that like your likegrandchildren might be able to watch this, provided the world doesn't end.

And then they'll be like, they'll just stare at it. Wondering. What happened to you? What happened? What happened to that man? All right, let's be serious. And for being serious, can we please get this desecrated intellectual property that isn't ours off the screen? Joe, hold on.

It's Jesus' turn. And I'm going to slam Halster twice. I'm leaving Power Attack on. I'm going to live and die with Power Attack. First attack, 18. Miss. Second attack. Man, I've got to roll high to hit you.

Okay, 21. Miss. Second, man, I got to roll high to hit you. Okay, 21. Miss. Dude, he's got AC for days. Brutal. Jesus ain't got nothing on Halster. It is Sir Julie's turn. Sir Julie, two beloved cartoon characters lie dead at your feet. There's only one thing left to do.

I'm going to charge Jesus. Finish him! That hits, and that's going to be 20 points of damage. As Jesus falls, he looks at you, and in his topiary language that you somehow

understand, he says, it's pronounced Jesus. Oh, no. He was so ignorant. I thought he was going to forgive me. There are some things even Jesus can't forgive. The three animals' identity. Your line was Eeyore not being right for this,

but not... There are less people here now than there were ten minutes ago. Thanks for being in it for the long haul. Thanks. Major props to everyone who stayed. Thank you. We made it through.

You're the lifeblood of our industry. All right. You come in here. You get past the gatehouse, the occultists, these cannibal gurus. Then the topiaries come to life. This seems like something a druid would be involved in. You already know that Melisande was working with this druid that you killed in the cave, sending sleep inducing drugs to her. There's this giant hedge around the estate that was seemingly grown

overnight. So you have to wonder what's going on here. However, now you have four smaller buildings, all two-story. One here to the south that you were heading to, and then three to the north. And then you have the manor house and a fountain. Do we have a wand of cure light wounds now? I can't remember. I think you do. We do have one. I would have a wand of cure-like wounds now? I can't remember. I think you do. We do have one. I would love a hit or three.

Yep. While he's doing that, Atticus is going to go to this smaller building to the south and detect magic. Oh. See if he detects any magic within the building, seeing these magically animated living topiaries. Okay. I like it. the building seeing these magically animated living topiaries. Okay. I like it. Um... Womp womp womp womp womp womp womp womp

womp womp womp womp womp womp Let me stall while I look at what it is. That's not what it is. I wrote the wrong thing. Talk to me about how you... What does it look like somatic component-wise? Do the hand motions for us.

What does that look like? Can you do it? Can you do the... You do detect magic. I do detect magic. Yes. Okay. And then how many auras? Going to hold it there. Going to hold it there. You detect three auras of magic.

Any more powerful than the other, or are they all pretty equal? They all seem to be the same. Kind of low-level junk. Okay. There is magic within. Nothing too powerful there. Halster, are you feeling well? Can you go in? Yes, I'm just finishing up

healing Matthew via text message, so it doesn't end up on the show, but now you've ruined that. So, yes, I'm happy to go first, Atticus, yes. You're healed for 18 points of healing. Wow. Darker. That's good. Nice work, Beast Fiend.

It's all the want. That's what I say. What do you do? You've detected three auras of low-level magic within this small building. The smallest building on the property. Aldo's like, it's hurry.

This spell has lost so long. And he's like popping lock in. He's like using his increased dexterity to the utmost. That's fun. Halster,

let's go. Halster opens the door. Halster opens the door and you see a small room with no stairway. So this one

doesn't have a second floor. It just has sort of a Oh. It doesn't have a second floor. It just has sort of a... Oh. It doesn't have a second floor. Ordinarily, you could tell that from the outside of a building as well. Well, it was deceiving. It was deceiving. There was a window up there, but nothing.

It is outfitted with an outhouse and an external awning that's sheltering firewood there to the southwest. Inside of it is a wooden bathtub and a fireplace. There's a small shelf that holds bars of soap, towels, brushes, pieces of pumice stone. It's a bathhouse. We take several hours to bathe for. Bathe. No! For the first time in months. Okay.

Time passes. You're all clean. Focusing in on that, detect magic. What is magical? What three? Three bars of soap. Oh. Oh.

Spellcraft to detect what it is these things are exactly. Damn it. 16. That's enough. It's really nothing fancy. It's known as soul soap.

Oh. Soul soap. This small bar of coarse gray soap has tiny pieces of ash, coal or hard earth

embedded in it, making the use of the soap uncomfortable and leaving anyone washed with it as dirty as they were before they washed. So it's joke soap. It's joke soap. It's joke soap. Washing a

creature with this soap requires water and takes one minute after which the creature can attempt a new will-saving throw against any hostile, ongoing mind-affecting effect currently affecting it. Unwilling creatures must be pinned or otherwise made helpless before

they can be washed by this dirty soap. Each soap is enough to wash one person, so it's like hotel bar soap. I'll take them. I'll take the three bars and put them in a bag. You never know. Just take your soul soap.

What are they called again? Soul soap. Soul soap. Got it. You got to have soul soap. And as I said, there is no second floor because I lied. All of the buildings except this one have a second floor This is a one-story building At first you said

that looks like a second floor but now that you're out of combat you're like, what was I thinking? That was just silly That's a one-floor building, if ever I saw one Shall we check out the next outhouse? Sure I will do one perception check in there just to see if there's anything Shall we check out the next outhouse? Sure. I will do one perception check in there just to see if there's anything.

Secret door. Secret bottom floor or something. Maybe it does have a second floor. 12. 26. Neither of you see anything. Sir Julie sees nothing even better. It's a specialty.

What about this one? And he points across to the outhouse, to the north, the outhouse, the outbuilding to the northeast. Yeah, let's check this one out. Okay. Same thing, detect magic. Are there any magical auras coming out of it? You do detect magic. Oh, right.

Settle in. How many auras? Oh, Lulster. Settling in. How many auras? Hold, Halster. Settling in. How many auras, huh? That's a great question. I would assume you were going to check that. A lot.

Several auras of magic. Several auras, yeah. Yeah, legit. There's several auras of magic. Okay. Halster opens the door. I'll step back. You guys do your thing.

Halster opens the door. Halster opens the door. And there are two people inside. Lovely dress. Thank you. I'll describe the room to you first. It looks like a pretty well-appointed lounge, like a guest house lounge.

There's a brick fireplace in the corner, a mahogany table with three matching chairs, and an antique sideboard liquor cabinet near the foot of a set of stairs going up, a flight of stairs. Sitting around the table is a man and a woman dressed in the finery of nobles, and

they seem to be sipping wine from crystal goblets. You open the door, suddenly, and the man, like, puts his hand over his chest, and he's like, Oh! Oh! I don't know who might you be?

You startled me. I could ask the same of you. That's quite fair. My name is Asa Lilith. And this here is my companion, Dailene Spence. We are from Caliphos. Yes. Is that enough for you to

tell me who you are and where you are from? My name is Atticus Grimm. Atticus Grimm, what a fine name! I'm glad you like it. Oh, I... We do love wondrous, fun things.

I'm happy to see you in such high spirits in this rather dreary place. Oh, it is terribly dreary here, but there is a certain charm to it as well. I see you have some other friends. I don't want to be rude. What are your names? A knight? I am Sir Julie Andrews. Knight of the Dawnflower. Oh, the Dawnflower. I hear she's cool. She's the coolest.

And you, sir? They call me Halstead Price, servant of the Lady of Graves and general creepy guy. Oh, well, everyone loves a good creep. Verasma, yes, another fun little god. And what about you, my bomb-covered friend? Oh, and he leans over to Atticus. He's like, let me talk to them. Okay.

Okay. And he just kind of like shuffles aside and like switches places with Alistair and Atticus in front of the door. And just really casually like pulls a bomb out of his bandolier. Sir, sir, I don't know what you might be doing, but we are not friends, foes here. Perhaps we could talk about this.

I don't know what you think of us. Sense motive? Could we perhaps talk? Natural 20. Oh, you got him! God. Sense the hell out of that motive. Did anybody

roll higher than a natural 20? Four. Four. I got a dirty 20. A dirty 20. And the woman speaks up and she's like, Please, please, don't listen to him. If he said anything to offend you, I am quite sorry.

And he says, yes, I'm sorry, but I think we got off on the wrong foot here. I apologize. And you do sense there's something a little off about them. But they have no weapons on their person that you can see. They are dressed in the finery of nobles, and they don't seem to be threatening you. Sense motive can also be used to determine if somebody's under some sort of mind control. Okay.

That's true. Enchanted, sense enchantment. And what was your total with the nat 20? 28. You don't get that sense. What are you doing here in this house? Did you not notice the topiary outside came alive and tried to kill us?

The topiary outside came alive and tried to kill you? No, this place is an overgrown mess, and it doesn't surprise me. But perhaps we could just chat for one second before we get into bomb-throwing. I can tell you where we are from. And he's shaking his wine glass. He's like, we came to Thrushmore after hearing that a royal accuser was sent to sort of investigate the erratic behavior of Count Lals. Yes, do you know about this? Are we on the same page?

Yes, that is why we are here as well. Well, I must admit, when we heard this, my lover and I here are always interested in a good scandal, and the rumor mill seemed to indicate that there was perhaps occult forces to blame for all of this. So we did not hesitate. We packed up our belongings in a trunk and boarded a ship heading north to Thrushmore. We knew right when we arrived that things were strange here. As you no doubt see yourself, there is a veil about this town. Do you not feel it? Do you not see it and sense it?

We've seen through the veil. Oh? Yes. That is where true wisdom lies. And perhaps you think that we are covered by that veil as well, which is why you come in here ready to start throwing tinctures and bombs around. Either way,

call us crazy, call us weird, but we like following up on strange occurrences like this. Even when they lead to nothing, it adds a little spice to the bedroom. You know what I mean? Doesn't it, my dear? And she's like, shut up.

Who else is here on the grounds? On the grounds? Well, there is a young woman in charge of the state. What is her name? Mellicen. Mellicen, yes. Mellicen. When we first came here, looking after what happened with the Count, she greeted us and let us stay here in the guest quarters.

She said we could stay until the Count returns. I tell you, if you would ask me, I think she saw that we had a little bit of money in our pockets and did not dare turn us away for fear of reprisal from the nobility. Perhaps she saw in us someone that could be a

benefactor to the Count. That is not our interest. We just want to see what weird shit is going on here because it gets us horny. But listen, all this talk is making me thirsty and it is rude of me to not offer you a drink at least. Perhaps that's

why you're ready to throw a bomb at me. It's because I didn't offer you some wine. So just take some glasses from the liquor cabinet. Relax. Let's all chill and we'll pour a drink or two. We rarely have visitors to Iris Hill these days. We're just cooped up in this guest room just having wild sex

all over the place, all over the rooms in every position imaginable. You know what pegging is? I was not aware of it until recently. I don't recommend it. Important question, sir. A porn question? No.

An important question. Sorry, my mind is always in the gutter. Ask your porn question. And Sir Julia leans in her eyes suspicious I may yet believe you but first you must describe for us in great detail how you incorporate the occult into your lovemaking

it is the only way we can know for sure it is the only way to know for sure, yes. A fair question. Yeah. Well. Sometimes when you read about what happens in worlds far away from here, it really makes you wonder and question everything about yourself.

So sometimes I need that to perform. As it were. Because I have looked at every piece of pornography ever made. To the point where nothing gets me going anymore. But then one day, I saw a pamphlet for the Elder Mythos. And damned if I didn't feel a stirring in my drawers. I rushed home to Daylene and I threw her on the straw mattress and we went at it like cats and dogs. Consequently, that is what I learned about Peggy.

Which again, I do not recommend. Does that answer your question? Sir Julia, I looked at the others to be like, what do you think? Yeah, I was like, too much information, I think. Too much and not enough. Atticus is looking very suspiciously at the wine and he's going to cast detect magic again and see if all these R's are coming from

glasses of wine or wine bottles if there's any magic if the wine is magical okay so you detect some magic the magic seems to be coming from their person you don't detect any magic on the wine itself. And he's still like, now the woman has grabbed glasses and she's walking over.

Please join us and some wine. Don't listen to him. He is weird. Aldo barges into the room, bombs still raised. Says, let me take a look at that wine. And he does a craft alchemy check on the room. Bomb still raised. Says, let me take a look at that wine. And he does a craft alchemy check on the wine. Okay. There we go.

That is a 25. So you grab the wine away from Daylene Spence. And she's like, oh, wondering what you do with it. And you inspect it. And you smell it. And you smell poison. Ah! So Aldo, like, he sniffs it like a sommelier.

Just like, oh, very interesting vintage, this. Thank you. I don't partake myself. He puts it down, and he walks back over to the door and, like, claps Julie on the shoulder and turns his head back to look at them and says, kill them!

Roll for initiative! Oh, no! Kill them! Roll for initiative. Oh, no! Roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll for initiative! Oh, we have a lot of fun going on with these dirtbags. It is... Sex crazy dirtbags! Sex crazy dirtbags.

Alto, what did you get? I only got a 10. 10. Oof. Halster. Wait, 12. Oof. Halster. Wait, 12. 12. Cat's Grace.

Cat's Grace. Nine. Nine for Halster. Nine. Nine. Yikes. Atticus. 24.

Ooh. Nat 20, Nat 19? Natty 17. Okay. Sir Julie Andrews. 15. 15 for Sir Julie Andrews. 15. 15 for Sir Jules. It's round one.

And it's Atticus's turn. You've got the jump on them. Aldo claps Sir Julie on the shoulder and says, Kill them. What do you do? Now, where are you guys? Are you all standing there outside the building? It's a very tiny building.

I don't know how we would have all fit in there. Place yourselves where you think you would. Watch Alistair go, like, way over behind the phone. I'm very intrigued by this pegging they speak of. I'd like to offer a few pointers. Lubricant and poppers. Are you in there? Not to put too fine a point on them

yes I'm right there so you moved in and we're listening to them sure why not Atticus wow us it's a big opening salvo here you've got the jump on these people

you don't know who they are I think he's a big opening salvo here You've got the jump on these people You don't know who they are I think he's a little taken aback He liked to get into the snobby nobility circles He liked to hobnob with these people He thinks it's not out of the realm of possibility At all that these eccentric rich people Could just show up and get involved In some creepy shit without really

Being that evil or vicious Or anything like that So he thinks we're jumping the gun a little bit and doesn't know if they are poisoned, if this is part of the poison and Mellyson is poisoning them and doing this thing. So he's a little like, oh!

Delays. Nobody thinks themselves into a corner like Joe O'Brien. Well, no, it really is, though. With something like this, you kind of want to see what they do before you start using spell slots. You're cautious, and there's a lot of buildings here you don't know what you're going to get into. It now moves to Sir Julie's turn. Sir Julie, Aldo said, kill them. Sir Julie noticed Aldo sniff the wine and then received this instruction. And trusting Aldo implicitly, draws her great sword as she walks into the room.

And points it at them and says, you first. Drink up. Oh! I like how you motioned like it was a dagger. But it's like a six foot sword. That's how strong she is! I'm very, very strong. That's how fucking strong she is.

They do not. Atticus will take his turn. And you just yell, DRAGON! What is the meaning of this? You seek to poison us? Why of course In Hastur's name You all

Shall fall We will teach you the true meaning of pegging. I'm ready. Halsters. We're going to talk about this after the show. Okay. This is tricky because I don't want to just great sword their asses. I mean, they've threatened us, but they also have weapons out.

It's hard. It is. I will ready an action. Okay. If I sense a physical threat, I will strike the nearest one down. Fair enough. I am a paragon of goodness. Right, right, right.

No, you're playing your alignment and your character. Atticus? And Atticus will go now. And with that response, I am just, for right now, I'm going to draw a wand. So he draws a wand. Draws a wand. Move actions. You're saving your stand, Donny?

Oh, no, yeah. Actually, sorry. I have it. So I will use it, and I will use it on the woman right in front of Sir Julie and lift it up. Boop. We'll save. Ooh. All right.

You can see her just fine past Sir Julie's hulking epaulettes. We'll save. Here we go. Many have described my epaulettes as hulking. Hulking. All right. Pretty good roll. Oh, you're fine then.

Okay, it's an 18. Yeah, you're good. That was my turn. She looks at Sir Julie. Quick draws a dagger and goes to attack you. My action interrupts. Power attack is on. Furious focus is on.

She's so dead, dude. Oh my god. Phenomenal. Natural one. Oh! Amazing! Amazing! Oh! Amazing! Amazing!

We're so packed. Where's your gardener, Sanjali? Do we have any Chicago-based fan fumbonis? Uh, no. Damn. We did, but those subscribers left after the Jesus. They were quite religious. Come for the Jesus, stay for the pegging jokes.

Yeah, sorry, I'm just not seeing them. All right, Midwest? All right, let's just go to Josh from Omaha, Nebraska. Hi, Josh. Hi, Josh. Are there any Joshes here tonight? Two women. That's a good feminine name, Josh.

The title is Can I Hold the Baby? Oh. As you strike out at your target, you slip and fall into your target. You automatically gain the grappled condition as your enemy is now holding you like a baby. Oh, no. Oh, man. Reflex save negates because it is worse. Roll a reflex save against her AC.

Fail. Four. Wow, so you immediately gain the grappled condition. But if she was going to cast a spell. She does as well. I assume, right? Yeah. I see grappling you.

You see Asa in the back. Like what he sees Oh no I feel like I need to take a shower now He just goes like this Keeping this Sexy image in his mind You're having a good time

She will In the flavor of this What she does is she just takes her dagger and just starts stabbing you. But obviously she will release the grapple to do so. And she's going to go ahead and stab away with her knife, with her dagger that she quick drew. I want to get... Well, let me ask you this. I could still do that while grappling you. Yeah. And then when you're grappled, you lose your

dexterity bonus to AC, right? Yes. You take a penalty of some kind. And you lose your dex bonus, though? Yes? I'm going to do that because then she does sneak attack damage if she hits. Oh, no. So she does hold on to you. She'll take a penalty to stab, but she just fucking stabs you in the neck. There you go.

Grappled AC. Penalty to hit. Minus two. Yes. Okay. Penalty to hit Minus two Yes Okay That's gonna be Really milking this 16 Miss

Troy's gonna roll Troy's gonna roll Your daughter is fresh He just broke the chair The chair's broke Yep I have another slice of pizza, LaValle The best part is

That's not the first time He's done that at a live show Or in one of my homes I was so fleet of foot before children Now I eat pizza every day Alright I was so fleet of foot before children. Oh, I eat pizza every day. All right. That would have been great.

Clanged off the armor. Clang off your neck armor. It is Aldo's turn. All right. Aldo says, oh, enough of this. And he moves inside the building through Sir Julie's space, incurring an attack of opportunity. She's not going to take it.

She's going to hold on to Sir Julie. Okay. So he's still holding the bomb, and he says, Eat night palm, you fucking deviant! And smashes the bomb right into her face. Disappoint blank. Bam! Again, incurring an attack of

opportunity, should she wish to take one. Now I want to, but no. That is a 15 against touch. That's it, yeah. Yeah, buddy! Oh, explosions. 20 fire damage against her.

And then a reflex save from the other guy. Oh, God. She doesn't even get a reflex save because you hit her. So 20 fire damage. And then he gets... Oh, God. Okay. I just realized he's the one that had

sneak attack, not her. Okay. I'm so dumb. 20? 20 reflex for him, yeah. Okay, he's saved. So he takes four points of damage. Four points of damage. It's a lot easier when I name

the characters and not the AP. I can of damage. It's a lot easier when I name the characters and not the AP. I can't remember who's Daylene and who's Asa. All right. You win this round, Aldo. Stop having secrets over there. Nobody likes secrets. I have no idea what you're talking about. I hate you guys.

I hate you guys so much. All right. It's Asa's turn. Asa Butterfield. He's in the back. He's right next to Halster there. Here's what he's going to do. He's going to five-foot step into this little squeezing corner, which will take a penalty to the AC,

but the reason he does it is he wants to flank you to try and do sneak attacks. Can he flank with a character that's effectively grappling? That character doesn't threaten me. Why do you have to hurt me like that? Why do you have to ask so many questions? I had plans for that squeezing corner, and they're being ruined right now by this combat. Yes, you're being threatened. She could stab you if she wants.

She really could still stab you. I chose not to, but she could technically, so she is threatening you. Here we go. Dagger to the face. 18 to hit. Miss. Yes. Rough night for old Troy.

It's all right. I always get mine. It is Halster's turn. Halster, this guy got you flanked now. What did you do? I'm more concerned about Sir Julie at this point, even though Aldo just slammed a bomb right into Daylene's face. And Halster's going to help quicken her release of Sir Julie.

God, that is a 14 to hit. 14 to hit is a miss. Okay. What's his turn? That's his turn. Five foot step. New round. Atticus. turn. Five foot step. New round. Atticus.

Sir Julian and me. Sir Julian, then you? No, you went, and Sir Julian then went after you because you went. The woman went to go, and that triggered Sir Julian. I know what my initiative tracker is. You're not wrong. How dare you embarrass me in front of the entire city of Chicago. Sorry.

They're all here. They're all here me in front of the entire city of Chicago. Sorry. They're all here! They're all here! It's like St. Patrick's Day! Fuck. This is a wild situation. He's looking into this place. It's just becoming a mad melee in there. But seeing their skill with the blade, he's getting nervous.

I don't really know what else to do. Right now, he's going to use the wand again on her. Fuck. So we'll save. Damn it. All. All right. Crack die.

Natural two. Oh. Is it a fail? What's the total? Very low. Eight. Okay. So, yeah, he puts out this wand.

He just tries it. He shakes it. Come on. Tries it one more time. And as it just sends this magical energy out towards her, he's just like, release her. That's a wand of command. And he commands her to release Sir Julie! And she does.

Yes! Against her control, she releases Sir Jules. And now Sir Julie can go. And I shall strike her down. Grips the great sword with both hands. That one, that one, that one, that one. Takes a swing. 14 to hit.

Missed. Oh, shit. Come on. Shit. And now, go ahead. I'll take a five-foot step back. Take all the steps you want, sister. Now, I have her actual character sheet up.

And shit's about to go down. Here's what I'm going to do. What did you have before? I would recommend using that earlier in the combat. That's all right. I still think it was cool to try and stab you. Shut up. This is live.

She is going to try and cast a spell, which will require a concentration check. But she has combat casting. Stop looking over my sheet, O'Brien. I'm not. Here we go. I'm just looking at your lion face. Made it. Plus 14.

I rolled an 8, and I had hit DC 19. You happy now? Can you sleep with yourself? What? Troy, there's no reason to get defensive. Can you sleep with yourself? Shut up. What?

All right. Joe, is that why you fell asleep so early last night? Put that picture back up. All right. She casts a spell on Sir Julie. Oh, dear. Sir Julie, I need you to roll a will save, and this is not a fear effect. All right.

Please fail. Please fail. 17. Fail. Oh, no. You want to tell her to let go of Sir Julie? She tells Sir Julie, leave Iris Hill. Oh.

She has cast Suggestion on you, and because you have failed, all you can now do is leave Iris Hill. Oh, no. One could argue once you're out past the gatehouse, you have left, and that would end the spell. But we'll talk about that later. You're out of the combat! This isn't an option. This isn't an option. This isn't an option. Here we go.

Aldo's turn. Okay. Aldo sees Julie leaving and says, Where are you going? You don't have to listen to her. And he goes up the stairs next to this woman.

Okay. And probably, I think upstairs, probably incurring again if she wants to take an A-O-O. You know what? I'll take it. It's just a little dagger.

Myth. Okay. And he says, seriously, fuck off! And takes another bomb. Throws it down on her face! Yeah! With a minus four, that is a 22 against Touch AC. Oh, yes!

He's getting it. He's on fire right now. That's a hit. And so is Jay with a 16 damage. 16 damage. She is on her last legs. And I need a reflex save from the dude. Oh, you got a 10-foot splash now?

Yep. Gross. That is going to be an 18. Okay. He makes it, so that is four to be an 18. Okay, he makes it so that is four points of damage. And I keep forgetting, they actually, she catches fire as well.

Wow. Not surprisingly, that also turns Asa on. And it is his turn. He removes his hands from his pockets. Standard action. Standard action. It's free action.

Oh, it's my turn? He says. He will... Oh, I can't flank anybody. He's shitty. He's cool. She's cool. All right, he's going to do... Here's what he's going to do.

He is going to five-foot step up to Halster and try to stab you with his dagger. And he's going to roll a natural two. He does suck. Ice cold. He's very distracted. He's got a lot going on in his pants. And it is Halster's turn.

Halster, this guy's only been hit by splash damage. Who are you going to attack? Are you going to attack Daylene Spence or Asa Layleth, if that's even their name? If that's even your name. He's going to attack Daylene, and he is going to roll a natural two. Oh, come on. She's awesome. He's going to five her setback.

I'm going to make her my new PC. She's great. Next round. Atticus, wow us. Shit. This is bad. This is bad. You see this look in Sir Julie's eyes.

She just, like, turns from the battle and stares at the exit. And you're like, oh, fuck, oh, fuck, oh, fuck. I know what this is. I know what this is. Okay. He is going to... Fuck! And he's going to sheathe the wand.

And he will close his eyes, do an incantation, and raise them as these white orbs burst from his hand, hover for a second, and then at her, and he'll cast Magic Missile. Yes, there you go. We can't fuck around with this. Put one on her and two on the dude. Oh, right, right, right. So let me do one.

I'm not sure how far down she is. So that's three points of damage. Still up. Still up. Two points of damage. Now she's down. Oh, all right! Yeah!

Does that end the effect? What's that? Does that end the spell? No. No. No. Stop it. You're embarrassing yourself. And I would assume he can't do the third at the guy because of line of sight.

It's up to you. Yeah, well, they're unerring, but you still have to have line of sight to hit. So I'm going to say no. Okay. So he'll put the third one at Halster. Halster, yeah. That makes sense. Four, naturally, of course.

So that's five points of damage. Ouch! Son of a beast. I couldn't waste it. Sir Julie, it's your turn. You must, with all haste, leave Iris Hill forever. In fact, I shall move with all haste. Sir Julie will run out of Iris Hill.

Per the wording of the spell, though, the minute she steps out of the door, the spell ends. I know. And she halts and prepares to run back. At that moment, the gatehouse disappears and a hedge grows in its place. It covers it? Yep. Oh, shit.

Sir Julia is now out of the adventure forever. What a way to go. What a way to go. Never saw it coming. You make one character with power attack. Conspires to stop you from playing. We'll miss you. No we won't. It's Aldo's turn. One enemy

left that you can see. Although, looking at Sir Julie running out, perhaps she is your enemy as well, you think. Yeah, that's my first conclusion for sure. You are intelligent. Gosh. All right. I'm running out of bombs here. And I'm actually out of candy bombs.

Oh. Guess you can't throw any. I can't throw Oh. Guess you can't throw any. I can't throw any. So I can't throw any. It's October at midnight. I know. He is going to drink another vial off of his bandolier. And he is going

to cast shield on himself okay okay I like it better be safe than sorry because now it's ace's turn this garbage garbage character he had this cool ability called

honeyed words which brings us back to our early Glass Cannon days. Once per day, he can roll two dice while making a bluff check and take the better result. So when you first rolled that Sense Motive, I did just that. It still failed. Oh, shit stain.

What do I want to do here? I can't flank you. I can't get that sneak attack bonus. He sees that this is a bad situation, but he doesn't want to upset Hester, so he steps up and stabs away. Now they're natural two. Yes! Two.

He really has been frustrated. No wonder he's looking. It's your turn. All right. I'm going to slash out of and hope that I crit. That is going to be a 24 to hit. There you go. Hit.

All right. Sacred damage. Lay it out. Swift action. Ooh, that's nice. That is going to be 16 points of damage. 16 points of damage. I'm sorry, 15. 15 points of damage. He is going to be 16 points of damage. 16 points of damage. I'm sorry, 15.

15 points of damage. He is in really, really bad shape here. Sir Julie, you are now aware of what just happened, but you're very far away. What did you do? I'll turn and run straight back. You're exactly where I was. Really proud of yourself. It is Aldo's turn.

Aldo, it looks like this guy's on the ropes. Aldo's turn. Aldo, it looks like this guy's on the ropes. Aldo is going. I think you skipped me. Perhaps. You're very forgettable. It is Atticus. He just killed her. You killed two creatures in two combats.

Yeah. I meant Joe, not Atticus. Busy killing. I'm sorry. I did skip you. He's going to move over until Atticus. Busy killing. I'm sorry, I did skip you. He's going to move over until he has line of sight on this guy

and say, how soon would you finish him off already? And he's going to cast a Frostbolt at the guy. Frostbolt. Ray of Frost. Ray of Frost.

Against Touch AC Natural 2. God damn it! Misses. Poop Salad. Poop Salad. That's why I skipped your turn. I knew it was going to be something sad. I know, I know. I thought about just Poop salad. That's why I skipped your turn. I knew it was going to be something sad.

I know. I know. I thought about just letting it go. It's probably best for the show. But I was like, maybe I could do something. No. All right, Aldo. You've got shield on you.

You've got all this Dex bone. This one guy left, and he looks like he's in rough shape. His lover lies dead on the floor. and he looks like he's in rough shape. His lover lies dead on the floor. Aldo with his, all of his, with this glowing blue shimmering shield in front of him and his heightened reflexes vaults over the railing of the staircase,

lands right in the guts of this man's dead lover. Jesus. Pulling out his sickle as he does so. Yeah. And swipes at his neck. Natural one. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Amazing. Where did it go? Fumble. Got any good bomb fumbles? That was a sickle fumble. Oh, sickle fumble. We're going back to that fumble melee pool.

Kiernan from Ontario, Canada. Hi, Kiernan. Bluth Chicken Dance. Oh, come on! Come on! This is like a four-paragraph fumble. You ever seen that? I pick them randomly.

In a moment of arrogance, overconfidence, and just plain idiocy, you think you have your opponent on the ropes. You take a moment to showboat, taunt, or insult your opponent. Call him a slur, or pour him for a ridiculous dance, blah, blah, blah. Unfortunately, whatever you did has much more inflammatory meaning in your opponent's culture. Roll another d20 with the same attack bonus as the attack that was fumbled on. If you succeed and the roll would not result in a hit,

if you succeed and the roll would not result in a hit, all opponents with line of sight on you act as if under a rage spell for 1d4 rounds. If your roll would result in a miss, then all opponents with line of sight act as under a haste spell for 1d4 rounds. Wow. Wow.

So he re-rolls. If it's a hit, it's haste, and if it's a miss, it's 1d4 rounds. Wow. Wow. So he rerolls. If it's a hit, it's haste. And if it's a miss, it's rage? The opposite. The opposite. Wow. Win-win. Either way, he gets this crazy buff.

14. It's a miss. So he gets haste. Awesome. Jesus. Cuckoo-ka-chah. Cuckoo-ka-chah. Yeah.

What did you say? Rook-a-coo-coo-coo. Roo, ca-cha. Yeah. What did you say? Cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo. Cuckoo, cuckoo. Have you ever seen a chicken? Has anyone here ever seen a chicken? Wow, so he's going to get an extra attack, bonus to his AC, bonus to hit and damage. You just made him a lot better, and it's his turn. No, no. lot better. And it's his turn! No! No! He's gonna take

two attacks at you for saying what you said. No! Forget it! Joe, can you... That tiny wiener, it fills up fast. It's like a mid-sized sedan.

Here we go. I don't want to unpack that. We're having a good time. Oh, fuck. I wanted to flank with you. I was like, can I flank with Halster? All right, here we go. Two attacks.

Natural one. Oh! Yes! Yes! The monsters will rumble, the deck they will tumble, and fumble! Melee fumble. Yes. I think.

This one comes from Kyle in Wellsville, New York. Hey! Okay. It's called whoop, whoop, whoop. While rearranging your grip on a handle mid-swing at a target, you accidentally and forcefully jam two fingers into your nearest ally's eyes. Oh, it's a three stooges thing. Or...

I thought it was an Arsenio Hall thing. No. Or you kick up some debris that flies into the nearest ally's eyes. If none are within melee range, your ally is blinded for 1d4 rounds. So the saddest part of all of this is the miss blinds

his now dead lover. Which, saddest part of all, is another one of his kinks. He then takes a second attack at Aldo, because he's hasted. 18 to hit. Miss! Come on!

It glances off his mystical shield hovering in front of his face! Gross. Halster, you want to finish this combat? I hope so. Oh, that is a... No, that's a six, not a 19. Damn it. 17 to hit total, though.

Miss because of haste. Oh, no. New round. You know, this is rough. These new rounds, they just keep eating at resources. Second building. Atticus, what do you do? How is the battle? That doesn't need any resources. It's true. Atticus, what do you do? How was the battle?

That doesn't need any resources. It's true. Sir Julie, you're back. Welcome back. Sir Julie will take a five-foot step and say, You shall not be in my head. And take a swing with the greatsword. 20 to hit.

That's a hit. There we go. Even with the haste. Power attack. Furious focus. Even with the haste. Power attack. Furious focus. So, so dead. 20 points of damage. As Asa falls.

Yes. He says, It was Daylene that was in your head. Not me. You dummy. Me. Not me, you dummy. Either way, it was all very hot.

Famous last words. All right. And he died. All right. Nice work. That suggestion got scary. Good combat. Let's search the bodies. He had a masterwork dagger. He had a mithril shirt. That suggestion got scary. Good combat. Let's search the bodies.

He had a Masterwork Dagger. He had a Mithril Shirt. I think you're all wearing plus one at this point, though, right? Yeah. If not... Not me. I don't know if I'm supposed to wear that. Maybe I am. Mithril Shirt.

10% arcane spell fail chance. He has a Potion of Cure mod, and and sadly I didn't get to use my potion of invisibility that he had as well if that had gone on a little longer and you drank the wine even if you passed the fortitude save it was oil of tagget by the way talk about a true callback

first poison on the network comes back in Chicago if he had done that I was going to like step back invisibility and start bipping and bopping, getting my sneak attack, but that's not how it happened. So that's all he has. And then Dailene Spence.

She was a sorcerer. She also has a masterwork dagger. She has an amulet of natural armor plus one. Juice. A ring of protection plus one. Ooh, juice. A ring of protection plus one. Ooh, better.

And a wand of scorching rain. Yeah! Wow. With 13 charges. Bam! Wow. Bam! She also has a nice pair of pearl earrings.

Ooh. No doubt were purchased for her from her former now dead lover. I take the pearl earrings and I wear them. They compliment my gleaming full plate. They look terrible on you. You also find a key, a single key. That is what you find in this room. Let me just see if there's anything else in here if you want to do

perceptions or whatever. Yeah, that's it. However, there are stairs going up. Can we do a roll-off so we can end this? Are you guys rolling off the ring of protection? I think so. Yes. I already have.

Who's in for a ring of protection? Anybody? This guy, him, her. Everybody's in for the ring of protection. All right. Here we go. Come on, Atticus. Come on!

Slow night. I don't know. Natural one. Oh! I want to hear Joe's. He's too happy. I got an 11. I got an 11! It's a roll off!

Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Did Skid beat both of you? I got an 8. Oh got an 11! It's a roll-off! Wait, wait, wait. Did Skid beat both of you? I got an 8. Oh, it's a roll-off! It's a roll-off. It's a roll-off for a ring of protection.

We're still in this. Plus one of the mean streets of Chicago. We're still in this. Let's say it at the same time. One, two, three. Two. Eighteen. And a kiss!

Get some ring of protection! And a kiss. Ring of protection plus one. Amazing. Amazing. What about the amulet of natural armor? Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. What about the amulet of natural armor? All right.

Here we go. Ready? I've already got one of those. Yeah, I have one of those, too. You can just take it, I guess. No. I'll roll for it. That slot is covered.

Do you want it? Anybody over here want it? No. I'd like it. All right. It's a Matthew versus Skid. No, Skid. You just take it. Oh, wow. Let's do it? No. I'd like it. All right. It's a Matthew versus Skid. No, Skid. You just take it.

Oh, wow. Let's do it. It's fun to roll off. All right. We do it. Crack die. 15. 12. Oh, yeah.

You're a real loser tonight, Matthew. Oh. I have a friend here tonight who has no idea of anything that's going on and last night I was like you don't have to come I want to make sure you know you have the out she came thank you I'm so sorry

one of my favorite things is like when something inconsequential like winning an ambulance happens and Skid will play Danger Zone. Like, if you don't know what's going on, what is happening? Right into the Danger Zone!

Alright, there are stairs going up. What do you lunatics do? You can't roll perception on the room and see if there's anything else? Sure. Fifteen. Fifteen, you say? Yes.

No. We go upstairs. You go upstairs. I would like to direct you to the south of this map, as we are now going to go into another map. Another map. Oh, uh-oh.

Look at that shit. Whoa. Whoa. Moving on up to the second floor. Alright. Let's see what's going on in here. It's the stairwell.

There's a small landing atop the stairs with two doors leading to other roofs. That is the end of my description. Thank you. Crushed it. Two doors.

What do you do? Let's open the northern door immediately. Sir Julie kicks it open. Poof! Poof! You hear a baby cry. Ah! Ah!

Ah! There was a baby standing on the other side of that door. Oh, no. And now it's dead. This upstairs is... Oh, God. You open the door, and beyond the dead baby, you see a bedroom. I'm almost a little afraid to roll up reception to see what we find in this room.

I know. Hold on. Let me do a Google image search. Oh, no. Come on. No, no, no, no, no. Come on. We're having a good time.

image search. Oh, no. Come on. No, no, no, no, no. Come on. We're having a good time. There was a lavish bedroom containing a plush four-poster bed draped with lacy netting. It appears to have been recently used. Early and often.

A strange pole about seven inches long lays at the foot of the bed. At first, you're like, oh, I know what that is. Is it magical? Yes.

Depends who you ask. A fire burns in a ceramic stove in the western corner of the room and a large padlocked trunk sits in the southern corner near a long writing desk. That's what I'm talking about! Do we find a journal or some letters? You do not. But you find some sexy drawings.

Do those sexy drawings correspond with some evil plans that would help us to know? No, it's just porn. Can I detect magic? Can I walk in the room? And then detect magic on the trunk? Okay. What does that look like

when you do that again? Oh, when I detect magic? Yeah. Like, is there a hand flourish? There is. It's really fast. It's over so quick you wouldn't even. And then immediately, like, if it's there, it starts to glow.

Does he see a glow? Does he feel the presence of magic? Does he feel the presence of magic? Now It's worthless He lights it on fire Whatever you guys want to do You want to open the trunk? It's worthless. He lights it on fire. No, okay. Whatever you guys want to do.

You want to open the trunk? Let's put the key that we found on the body in the lockbox. We'll watch out for traps. All right, you put the key in. And that is enough to bypass the trap that's on the chest. Oh! I was stalling because I couldn't remember if detect magic reveals magical traps on chests. It does.

It does. So I thought it better to lie to you than tell you about the trap. You didn't know if detect magic detected the magical trap? I thought it might. Oh. But I wanted to err on the side of...

Lying. Me winning. Okay. But you win in the end because you didn't set off the trap by using the key. Okay. But you win in the end because you didn't set off the trap by using the key that you found on Dailene's body. I stand by my decision.

The large trunk is full of fine clothes, jewelry, lots of wine and whiskey. There's also 24 nobles' outfits worth 75 gold pieces each, 12 bottles of wine worth 150 gold pieces total, and a jewelry box made of palm wood worth 50 gold pieces, containing 1,800 gold pieces containing 1800 gold pieces worth of rings, bracelets,

brooches and necklaces. Oh, fabulous. There are also a dozen anal beads and dildos. Of the finest make. Masterwork? Anal beads? Sir Juliet leans over Atticus and looks down at the contents. of the finest make. Masterwork? Sir Juliet leans over Atticus

and looks down at the contents. Shuts the chest. I'm confiscating this. Well, she is a paragon of good. On behalf of my religious order. On behalf of the Dawnflower. She shoves some into her... Alright.

Atticus is actually going to take some of the bracelets and necklaces and the adornments and he's going to put some of them on. Oh, he's a fancy guy. Yeah, he's going to be like... The beaded necklaces will greatly... He's nothing if he's not gaudy.

All right, and that's all you see in this room. Room. Whatever you call it. Under the bed, nothing? There is a gimp. Oh, no. With just a zipper over his mouth. Oh, my.

And he's tied up. No, I don't... For safety's sake, he's not there. Because I don't know where this is going to go. Yeah. Yeah. You don't want to dangle that in front of us. All right.

We go to the other door and kick it open. Isn't that what he's called in Pulp Fiction? Yeah. You go to the other room? Yep. Go in the other room. You just stampede in there? Yep.

Yep. Okay. Baby or not. Heedlessly. Here we come. Heedlessly, you go into this difficult to reveal angular room it's a square but it's on its side

oh I see what you're saying it is a solarium large windows span two of the walls of this whitewashed room allowing in a little bit of warm sunlight on this otherwise gloomy day there's an air of luxury to the room allowing in a little bit of warm sunlight on this otherwise gloomy day,

there's an air of luxury to the room. And you think that like this must be where Iris Hill's most honored guests would stay when visiting the Count, or the Count's family before the Count was the Count, when the Count was just a wee boy. And this was the room that perhaps Misen gave to Asa and Daelin, worshippers of the King in Yellow.

Nothing else of importance in this room. All right. Let us move on while we still have our spells active. To the next house, quickly. Hurry. I want to get more into this show. Let's go. Yeah.

You rush. God, I love the Lincoln Hall balcony. I love it. I do too. So awesome. You guys. Yes. I see you. I do too. So awesome. You guys. Yes. I see you.

Yes. If any of you jostle our cameras, I'll kill you. All right. How long are these buffs you have on? What's the time limit? Don't worry about it. Rounds or minutes? Five hours.

It's not five hours. Is it really? A mage armor is. What about you? Let's start it before we got in here. Jerks. Good. You're really? A mage armorer. What about you? Let's start it before we got in here. Jerks. Good. You're good?

Good answers. All right. What do you do? Perception at the door. Detect magic at the building. Two small buildings down. One to go. 18 perception.

Nothing. Is that magic? Magic. Pres perception. Nothing. Is that magic? Magic. Presence. Boom! Breach and clear. Yeah. Bouge, he says. As he bouges down the door. Oh,

baby. What's going on in this room? Are you stalling again? Do you have to look it up? No, I'm just dramatic effect. Shut up. This looks like a carriage house. The smell of freshly turned earth fills the room when you open the door.

And behind the large black carriage that is in this room that nearly fills the space, it's not on the map. Use your imagination. It's part of the game. How did it get in? Oh. Behind this carriage, near a wall hung with tools and various pieces of tack is a hole nearly five feet wide.

There is also a door leading to another room on this floor. Cautiously approach the hole and look down into it. You look down into the dark hole. And you see a pit descending downward

that looks scalable. Freshly dug, recently dug, it goes down underground. Can we see the bottom? You cannot. I cast light on a stone or on a coin and drop it down. A stone would cost less. This is a nice stone. The coin goes, and you see just a faint light about 60 feet or so down. You hit the floor of a cavern floor beneath.

Oh, wow. Atticus. Yes, Sir Julian? You are the lightest. I'll belay. She grabs the rope and just sets herself up. Are you out of your mind? What is down there?

I'm not going down there without knowing what's there. Well, I... He'll walk over. He'll walk down there until one of us goes down there. He'll walk over and walk down as well. She'll start fitting the rope around your waist. Yeah. Don't worry.

I've got you. All right. And the curiosity starts getting the better of him. The idea that there could be jewels down there or something of value. A pile of jewels. Yeah, surely there's a could be jewels down there or something of value. Jewel, pile of jewels. Yeah, surely there's a pile of jewels down there. What? You never know.

People hide their valuables in the strangest places. There's at least one coin down there, Atticus, and you can have it if you go get it. Don't talk down to me. It was standard practice amongst the patients of Briarstone to bury all of their valuables 60 feet below the earth. I thought that perfectly reasonable.

All right. Have your way. He's going to draw out a wand and hold it in his main hand with this rope around his waist. Say, lower me down. This is so bad. He's going to die because of this.

And I like Atticus. And he begins going down into this dark, dark hole. Atticus grabs the rope. And begins going down this hole. Atticus grabs the rope and begins going down this hole. Sir Julie, lowering him slowly towards the light of this coin.

Let's go to another map. Oh! Oh! Let's go to another map. Oh. This is fucking crazy. Another whole page. Yeah, another whole page. And you know what? I'll just put, boop, Atticus right there. Whoa.

All alone. Tug twice if you're in danger. You see a cavern. I'll give you a little flay. It's a natural cave. And it's illuminated by large floor lanterns. It must have been placed there. Recently, they look of modern make.

have been placed there. Recently, they look of modern make. The cavern extends from east to west, slightly ascending up to what looks and sounds like a pool of water on a raised shelf in the

back. I will reveal that. Shadows on the wall dancing from the glimmering of the water. What does Atticus

and Atticus alone do? He's going to make sure the rope is still there. Wand in hand. He's going to start walking slowly up the route toward the water. Little by little. Perception check. It'll be meaningless.

Fourteen. Fourteen. Sent. He's be meaningless. 14. 14. Sent. He's sniffing the air. Sniffing the air, right. Just got to check something on my iPad real quick. Just want to see the score of the Jags-Bengals game. Sir Julian gets distracted by some of the horse tack on the wall and drops the rope.

It just... I can't, I can't. There is a strange, otherworldly smell in the room. But you see nothing but that water that just seems to be drawing you ever towards it. He looks across at the wood. He's going to... He's very afraid. Oh, dear.

He's going to grasp his talisman of revealing, burn a first level spell. Repurpose it to detect aberration. So this is the thing where there's a list of creatures, and if it's on the list, he can still detect the presence.

I hear people laughing. This is not funny. I'm so scared. This is not funny. I'm so scared. This is the list. Oh, I looked at the list earlier today. And this is why this game is so fucking great. Because he's pulled out this list a dozen times. Not always on stage, sometimes before the show.

Can you look at this again? Can you look at this again? And it has never yielded fruit until now. Oh! Oh, I love this crowd your mind has been swapped with a creature from another world

a Yithian you talked about this recently nothing you really delved into but something happened to you in your past where you basically sacrificed your soul to try and gain past where you basically sacrificed your soul to try and gain knowledge that you should not have. But in the gaining of that knowledge,

you have this preternatural connection and prescience about creatures from the beyond. Pre-science. And you're always, that part of your brain is always searching to try and connect those dots that cognitive dissonance

trying to find out reaching out to try and feel if those things are near and you feel it and just as you feel it two creatures emerge from the water

and they float up, just water dripping off of them. They are barrel-shaped with these star-shaped heads and several writhing appendages raiding out from them from all angles. And as they come out, they begin speaking in a language that you feel like you know, but you don't. It sounds like pipe sounds and shrill children's cries. And they seem angry and they float towards you.

They are creatures known as elder things. And they look like this. And we'll see you in Columbus. Oh! Oh, he's all alone. Oh, buddy, no. Look at that thing. Oh, buddy, no. Look at that thing. Oh, my God.

So bad. So bad. Thank you, Chicago. Thank you, Chicago. You guys are amazing. Thank you so much. We'll be back early and often. Good night.

Bottle cap. you