The Glass Cannon Podcast - Strange Aeons Episode 30 – Rat Poisoned

Episode Date: July 12, 2022

Atticus crawled through a river of shit and found himself surrounded by dire rats and a rat king with his allies nowhere in sight! The Glass Cannon boys returned home for a Halloween weekend show at the Gramercy Theatre in NYC you'll have to see to believe! Join Troy Lavallee, Joe O'Brien, Skid Maher, Grant Berger and Matthew Capodicasa as they tour the country playing the Lovecraftian Horror Strange Aeons Pathfinder Adventure Path. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/PTQ0Uv0EAcQ Recap 31:20 Gameplay 39:48 For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for exclusive content and benefits, subscribe today at patreon.com/glasscannon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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while dolphins click with glee. Whoa, let me try. Nah, it's like gliding on a gondola through waving waters as a mermaid sings. Nah. It's like Coca-Cola with a refreshing burst of raspberry and spiced flavors. Yeah. Try new Coca-Cola Spiced today. Happy Halloween, New York City!

Happy Halloween, baby! We are back in the city where it all began. From Joe's shitty apartment to my shitty apartment to our first live show at the Geekery HQ who was here for that? Geek Squad right there

Geek Squad to the Bohemian Hall beer garden Astoria who was here for that? to our first shoebox studio to our current former sex dungeon studio, to the bell house in Brooklyn. Who was at the bell house? To the Gramercy Theater in tonight. Oh, love it. Next stop,

Carnegie Hall. I'm not even shitting you. Don't fucking test me. If I make this a goal, we'll be at Carnegie Hall in five years. You know it's true. Matthew, take a note. Carnegie Hall. Which one of us is going to learn how to play a classical instrument? Practice, practice, practice. This is special tonight.

I mean, this is crazy. I can see the streets. I can see cars driving by right as I'm speaking right now. For 20 years, for 20 years, I roamed these streets looking for something or someone to do. streets looking for something or someone to do. For 20 years, the five of us pounded the pavement in many different ways, trying to get ahead in our respective lives. We all had different paths. I'm sure I'm not the only one here that walked by this theater, walked by the doors of this place when we're on our way to some shitty job or some dumb audition where you have to dance with toilet paper yeah i did that charmin commercial i thought you tried out for moment

shots i didn't know i was like i have an mfa the real question is who led you or the charmin always the charmin but don't squeeze it. And then there were plenty of nights I stumbled past here after 20 cocktails drunk. I'm sure a couple of us, Joe used to work in the area. I'm sure you had the same experience. And now we are performing here at the Gramercy in front of this beautiful, fully vaccinated crowd. There they are. Yes. Oh, you got all the people look amazing.

A crowd of people who understand what it's like to live in a society. What a beautiful thing. Thank you. I see some of you have dressed up tonight. I want to be honest. Halloween has never really been my thing. Not a big Halloween guy. I can tell by the glasses you just put on.

You ruined it. They're called spectacles. I, you know, all my years of doing theater, I was always putting on costumes, wearing makeup, fishnets, high heels. That was a different hobby. But still, Halloween was never a really big deal for me. And then you move to New York,

and Halloween in New York is amateur-out. What? It is the worst. Because the bars where I spent many a night at, behind the stick, wanting to kill myself, people think it is time to be crazy and drink like there's no tomorrow, which I always am a big proponent of, but Halloween tends to be the worst night for that. You never notice that? Yes, but why is that the worst?

That's what makes it amazing. No, it's people who aren't accustomed to drinking that way all of a sudden start drinking that way. That's it. En masse in one night. And when you're the bartender. Dressed as like goblins and stuff. Right. And you're the bartender and you're not getting tips because they're wasted. They don't care about their dad's credit card.

It sucks. It does. It sucks. It does. But tonight, I'm excited for Halloween because tonight we're going to have an intense, unique, shared experience here that will be heightened by that perfect heady mixture of hiding behind masks or wigs, in your case, adrenaline and alcohol. And I got a hotel in the city, so I'm going to stay out till 4 and get chocolate wasted. We have been to so many cities that close at like 11. No.

They close at 11. Not in New York. We're back, baby. 4 a.m. This is going to be a problem. It is. I don't know. Saturday nights for me back in the day used to be just standing behind

a bar for 14 hours straight for 15 years. That's what my Saturday nights were here in New York. Just slowly nursing a couple dozen Captain Diets over 14 hours and then falling asleep. Well, you've got to pace yourself. Yeah, well,

it was 14 hours, you know, do the math. Was it all uphill both ways? It was barefoot, but I would always fall asleep on the subway and wake up in either Coney Island or Inwood. And you thinking like, oh, well, that that happen three or four times? It happened more than 20 times. Even when I wasn't drinking, I got 800 bucks in my shoe, just passed out. And I wake up, oh, God, I'm in Coney Island,

so far from my home. That happened to the Pat McGrath who designed our original logo, our friend. That happened to him. I don't want to tell tales out of school, but that happened to him where he fell asleep on the train and would wake up on Coney Island and someone would slit his pocket open in his jeans and stolen his wallet out twice. I had a friend who that happened to, and that friend is now dead. There you go. That's not even a joke.

That was a friend of mine. There goes the mood. Who is now dead. There you go. That's not even a joke. There goes the mood. Who is now dead? Spooky. Why tonight's the anniversary? Why tonight's the anniversary? You can still hear the echoes of his pocket being unstitched.

It's great to be back. Great to be back. New York shitty. I'll tell you, I don't miss living here. I really don't. Joe and I were talking about this earlier. I got out right before the pandemic, bought a house. And, you know, while I love coming back once in a while, this place sucks.

Oh, boo me all you want. I lived here 20 years. You lived here 20 minutes. It's like Mad Max Fury Road out there now at night because of this pandemic. It sucks. And here's the thing. I moved here in 2000 to go to grad school, and I left in 2020. So like a straight up 20 years.

And for two decades of living here, I always said New York City is not for everyone. This isn't a grand idea that I am. Matthew's already rolling his eyes. I just... You know, we come out here to rev up the crowd, and you already sound like an old man. Back in my day, they had sex shops.

You put on the glasses, and I thought you were also going to pull out a Dean Kuntz novel and just start reading it. If you wanted a dildo at 1 p.m. on a Sunday, you could buy it. That was good, Grant. That was good. That was really it. If you wanted a dildo at 1 p.m. on a Sunday, you could buy it. That was good, Grant. That was good. That was really good.

Thank you. But for 20 years... How dare you? It's not the Marty McCloud I remember. 20 years of living out here, I always said it's not for everyone, and especially not for children. It's not a city for children.

It's something I'd always say. The number of times I sat next to a homeless man masturbating on the subway, and the number of times I was that homeless man. This is not a city for children. But what I realized when I left is that it's also not a city for adults either. It is a stately pleasure dome and a wretched hive of scum and

villainy for people ages 19 to 37. And everyone else should just visit. My time's almost up. Shit. Yeah, man. It's time to go. Skid still lives here. I know.

I got carouseled, though, a couple years ago. You were grandfathered in? Yeah. Grandfathered in? Ooh. I did walk by a restaurant on my way here that I was like, it was packed. And every single table was filled with beautiful, smiling people under 25. And I was just like, I used to be that.

And now I'm not welcome here. And I don't think I should be. I don't understand anything. Even people that grew up here, like every person I know who grew up in New York is a fucking disaster of a human being. And they don't have a license. And I don't trust an adult without a license. That's my thing. It's like an advanced degree in being an American, living here.

It was just like, I think I'm going to go for New York. I think I'm going to go for New York. But it's like, you know, you get your degree and you move on. Like, you just don't go and hang out at your grad school. Like after you graduate? Hey, any parties tonight? Don't you have a wife and kids?

We are going to have so much fucking fun tonight. I can't even tell tonight. I can't even tell you. I can't even tell you. I'm so fired up, I already have to pee. But rumor has it we have some glass cannon regulars in the audience tonight. So for everybody that didn't come, you're going to miss out on them.

So I want to give a moment, because there's so many people that make this network run. And when you're in New York, when you're in your hometown, they come out and watch. I want to shout them out. Folks. All right, calm down. He's not a lawyer, but he'll be playing one on TV for at least the next couple weeks. Give it up for David Winters.

Where is he? David! Of course he took a bleacher seat watching over us all. As promised, he got the shittiest seat he could find. Yeah, he goes to the back because he's like, I want to monitor all the exits. Make sure I can see where everyone is at all times.

If you don't pay for your ticket, that's where you sit. So rude. Folks, he's one of my oldest New York comedy friends, and I think, I could be wrong, he was one of the first faces that you saw before... That wasn't us. That wasn't us on the network,

and he's here tonight, super helpful. One of my groomsmen at my wedding, Randy Gardner. Where's Randy? Randy! Who remembers Randy? Look at you. He's got to get on a plane to Vegas at 7 a.m. and he's never going to make it.

There he is. She has become known as the queen of New Game who dis. And long may she reign. Give it up for Kate Stamets. Where's Kate? Kate! Kate? Oh, she didn't come.

Oh, she didn't come! Oh, my God! Kate! Yeah, there we go. All right. Yeah, raise a drink up. Yeah! Stamets with a 24-ounce pounder.

Oh, yeah. Only Stannis. You'd shout her out, and she'd just curl behind something so no one can see her. She's one of us. She shrivels like a spider sprayed with Raid. Folks, you know her from Androids and Aliens. I know her for several gray hairs I have now that I didn't before I met her. Give it up for the one, the only

Eleanor DiLorenzo. Eleanor! Oh my god, there you are! She got the cheap seats with David. Sitting with David. She's probably pitching him some rule-breaking ideas for androids and aliens right now. They get a couple drinks and she's like, come on, David. Come on.

Let's talk about this. Let me just quickly open this bad idea. That is 24 ounces of bad idea. Are you more worried about the alcohol or needing to use the restroom more quickly? I'll be honest, it's B. It's B. I thought so. As I get older, it's a lot harder to hold it in, as they say.

There's been a couple episodes where I just let it go. And we're at home, and I'm at my desk, and you don't know. There's been a couple... That's not even a joke. He's not kidding. That's my fucking dedication. I will piss myself for you. I just want to be 100% clear.

Nobody here is asking for that. Yeah, no. That's not a requirement at all. You can just go to the bathroom. Go to the bathroom. But that's what I call the glass cannon difference. Other networks don't piss themselves. That's true.

That's true. That's our new slogan. No, they're... Right when you log onto the website. There are a couple networks that do that, and they have a higher monthly fee than we do. That's true. That's true. That's true. Nice, Grant.

Grant's starting off hot tonight. Some people pay for that privilege. He's going to be in the zone tonight. I can see it. Folks, he was at the first live show we ever did. He is one of our closest friends, all of us at this table. This man sang at my wedding, but I told the bartender to cut him off when he begins singing

tonight. Give it up for Nick Lowe. Nick Lowe! There you go! Oh, he's got his tall boy! Cut him off! Yes!

God, that's how I got off! And let's really give it up for the woman in the audience who has a harder challenge than any of us could ever imagine. Being married to Nick Lowe. Emily Lowe, ladies and gentlemen! Emily!

Awesome. Thank you for coming, Emmy. I love you You think Matthew likes musicals She must love them Because she's living in one She's living with a walking, breathing musical Now

I would like to introduce you to four men Who are certainly no I want to say it too. My sister, Sing, is here. Hey, Troy. Come on. Sorry. Where's Sing?

Sing! There she is. There she is. And my lovely partner, Samantha, is here somewhere also. Yeah! Samantha! Anybody else want to introduce anybody? Yes, Angel.

Yeah, my wife is here. Angel! There she is. She was born in New York City, and she's very, very successful and nice. Does she have a license? She does, but she doesn't know how to drive. I'm coming home. I'm coming home.

Matthew, do you have anybody you'd like to introduce? My wife is here tonight as well. Caitlin Baird, everybody. Where's Caitlin? Caitlin! Caitlin! Yeah! Raise your hand, for God's sake.

She was like, this is probably the last show I will ever come to. Is it because of your outfit? How did you guess? I wanted my wife to come, but I don't trust people with my children. Period. Now that we've done all those introductions, I want to introduce you to four men who are certainly no treat to me,

although they once tricked me into believing they were indispensable. Tonight is someone's birthday, okay? Calm down. Nope, calm down. Because the problem is this person thinks they are

above birthdays. This person thinks that celebrating one's birthday is not only something only self-involved people do, but something

that should only be resolved, reserved for children and the mentally challenged. His words. His words. His words. You may think after six years that this person is a good person, a kind, caring, compassionate person.

That's because you don't know the person like I do. This person is a blight on humanity. Like I do. This person is a blight on humanity. So in the spirit of respecting their stupid wishes, rather than sing happy birthday, the traditional song of birthdays, to this man this evening,

please join me in standing up, pointing at, and booing Matthew Capitacazzo. Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo!

Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo!

Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo!

Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo!

Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! you. Happy birthday dear Matthew. Happy birthday to you.

Thank you. You're all very kind. Now please pay attention to somebody else. Yeah, no, I'm at the show. They're just singing happy birthday to Matthew. Yeah, I didn't plan for that. The man to my right is so large his birthday takes up multiple days.

That's how it works, right? Grant Berger, everybody! I'll tell you, I think I've said it before, but every time I look at you, I feel so bad for your poor mother. The day you stretched your way into this world. No man ever wants to think of his mother's downtown Julie Brown. But can you imagine this tall glass of poop just sundering hip bones on its way into the world? It's like a scene out of a horror movie. How fitting

for this Hallow's Eve. Eve. I was born with improved sundermen. Your mic is off. Your mic's off. Hello? Perfect.

Thank you, Jacob. Well done. Jacob got my note. There we go. There we go. There. Wait. Yes.

What did you say about Sunder? I was born with improved mother... Sunder mother's hip. And, yeah, I shattered it. Yeah, I shattered it. But Mary Berger's a saint and you shouldn't say a bad word about her.

She is a saint and she's the only mother that's appeared on the podcast not once but twice. That's true. That's true. When is your birthday, Grant? Are you, what are you?

February 1st, Aquarius. Yes. Like Operation Aquarius? A water sign. It's getting weird. Oh man, it's going to be real freaky next week. I can tell you that much. We're having fun.

We're having a good time. Folks, in just a few short hours, time is it. Also, for the record, Aquarius is an air sign. You've had your time. I'm so surprised Matthew corrected me about something insignificant. You'd think it was his birthday. We don't need a special

occasion for that. No. In just a few short hours at midnight tonight, it will be another member of our team's birthday. But this is a man who not only celebrates his birthday, but revels in the birthdays of others. This is a man who cares about the people around him.

A man who understands what it's like to live in the real world. A man who appreciates tradition and respects the societal constructs that we all honor. And a man who, frankly, only has a few good birthdays left. No, I'm kidding. He'll live forever. Actually, you know what? I was going to wait till later. Didn't want to make a big deal out of it, but I got you a little something tonight.

Oh, what? It's your birthday, and birthdays in general are so special to me, and especially people who celebrate birthdays. I was like, you know what? I was going to save this for after the show, but as I bring this over to you, let's all join in a singing of happy birthday to Mr. Skidmar, everybody!

Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear skin. Happy birthday to you.

Oh wow. Thank you everybody. And this. Thank you, everybody. And this is what Troy got me. Alien Fate of the Nostromo. I've read about this. This is amazing. And this is fitting because, I forgot, also here is Del, my old dungeon master, who has the most amazing, mostly homemade set of the original Alien board game ever.

And this is great. Thank you so much. This is great. You know what, Troy? You deserve it. Troy, it's really curious. I feel like all of the birthday parties I've gone to for Skid

to celebrate his birth and the date, him remembering those births, I don't remember seeing you at any of them. Oh, shh. Shots, fires, births, I don't remember seeing you at any of them. Oh, shh. Shots, fires, and facts. I've celebrated, and

we'll continue to celebrate all of your birthdays because I like humanity and I'm glad you all were born. I will say that you were in bed by the time I showed up. Also possibly true. Integrity is giving gifts when no one's watching. Exactly. That's why I was going to wait

until later. Yeah, you were definitely going to wait until later. I just couldn't help myself. I got caught up in the moment. I told my wife about that bit and she goes, that's funny. But you have to give Matthew a gift. I'm like, no, that won't be funny. Finally is a man whose birthday is actually in a few weeks from now, which should be a sobering reminder to me that

after unknowingly going into business with not one, not two, but three Scorpios, I will never do business with another Scorpio ever again. He is my closest friend, and I hate almost everything about him, which says as much about him as it does me. Are you all familiar with the phrase, to know him is to love him? The opposite is true, because I used to really, really like him. Give it up for New York Joe O'Brien. Yeah!

New York Joe. Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! I love you guys Sing, what's up? Kaylee, what's up? Oh, so good I love this crowd A hometown crowd

Eleanor, god damn it I'm so excited I'm sorry You look good Tell us about your fake Caucasian you have here Thank you Take a sip No Tell us about your fake Caucasian you have here. Thank you. Take a sip.

No. No, I have to do a show tonight. This is thank you to Randall, because I was like, I need a prop. Last minute, can you go to the bar and get me a white Russian? And he was like, you got it dude he comes back he comes back with a rum and something and a half gallon of milk from the deli next door that is like they don't have milk and they don't have kalua just figure it out um it sure looks like a white russian yeah but it doesn't taste like one. Come on, give it. Nothing wrong with an old spiced rum and milk. It's rum and milk. It's Captain Morgan and milk.

Tis the season. I believe that we call that a Captain Morgan's mom. Captain Morgan's teat. It's an old-fashioned Halloween drink. We all know he sailed the Milky Seas. Yeah, an old-fashioned Halloween drink. We all know he sailed the Milky Seas. Matthew and Sked have similar costumes tonight,

but in typical nerd fashion, there's already been a backstory constructed as to why. Would you explain what happened? We have decided, much like the Star Trek Next Generation's episode, Yesterday's Enterprise, that he represents my character's great-grandfather, who has appeared through a time rift, and I have to send him back to stop war with the Klingons from happening. That's true. My character is very touched that my descendant went into Starfleet, much as I did. And I think

you... What is your character's name? You asked me this before the show and all I could come up with was Matthew Capodacasa. No, okay. You're halfway there. I think it should be Captain Dacasa. Alright. Big D, small I. Big C. Yes. Captain DeCasa. All right. Big D, small I.

Big C. Yes. Captain DeCasa. Right. I'll go with that. Okay, there we go. So are you also Captain DeCasa? Yep.

What's your first name, Skip? Matthew. Matthew, Matthew DeCasa IV. Captain Matthew DeCasa. Captain Matthew DeCasa. Captain Matthew DeCasa. Is Matthew also your middle name? Yes, yes. Some people just wear costumes.

Oh, no. Not us. I also want to shout out Angeline Babcock, who does all of the artwork for this tour, who made this from scratch. Made that. Made it. Amazing. Amazing.

Amazing. I asked them basically not to. I was like, you probably have a lot of things to do this month. And they're like, no, no, I want to do it. It's like, okay. And then this is amazing. I'm going to wear it for the rest of my life. What the hell are you?

I'm a social influencer granny 20. I'm like a mix of Justin Bieber and the non-problematic parts of Chet Hanks. Which is not much at all. A dash of Chet Hanks. Just a dash. A little dash will do you. The part that calls Rita Wilson mommy. You look great.

And what's your story? You gonna... You look at it. you look great uh and what's your story you're gonna you're gonna i'm i'm the dude man so that's what you call me that or duder or dude or el duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing. I was looking for costumes and I said to myself, there's no way he's going to stress about this all week. So I sent you a costume and five minutes later I saw the receipt come through of you buying it. You were like, thank you. Yeah, I, God,

I hate thinking about this. It's like, what am I going to do? And then you sent me a text, and I was like, perfect. I love it. I'm having a good time. I love doing a show in sunglasses. It makes you feel like you can do anything. You're like a poker player.

Yes. You can bluff. I cast major image. I guess, so I wanted to be Marty McFly from Back to the Future 2, but now that I'm wearing glasses, I feel like something went wrong. So I'm Marty McFly if something went wrong and he got degenerative eye disease.

Is that a thing? I think that something wrong is just aging. Aging, yes. Which is what you did. I remember for so long... For so long, you needed corrective lenses and didn't wear them. You were like, I can't see anything. I can't see that.

I was like, you should go to a doctor. And you didn't forever. And then you didn't. You were like, this is incredible. Yeah. I drove here without glasses, though, because it's just fun. It's like, oh, my God. I feel like I'm playing an old video game. I've seen you drive with glasses, and that's just fun. It's like, oh my God. I feel like I'm playing an old video game.

I've seen you drive with glasses, and that's truly horrifying. That's true. Oh, it's awful. It's truly awful. I want to do one big thing. We never thank people enough for sending us things. Chris, someone else made this jersey for me on my behalf. He even put my nickname I tried to pass that didn't work out on the back.

Here it comes. You just want to show your butt. Berg dog. Grant's wearing a baseball jersey that has the number 20 and says natural across the front. It's gorgeous. Look at you. Gorgeous. I got to quit drinking.

You look amazing. Folks, we're in New York City. We're 45 minutes into the show. Yet to touch a die Sorry Caitlin I know she wants us to get to the encounters As quickly as possible Consult Grey's Sports Almanac

My one prop Let's take it to the recap Grey Take it to the recap cap. That might be my favorite one yet. That shit rocks. Yeah, that was good. There we go.

Just put that anywhere, buddy. That remix just took out the entire left section of the audience. That's what happens at Glass Cannon Live. All right. Let's talk recap. I feel like we've been playing this game a lot, but it's been a month since we've played. We had six shows in September,

then a long break, but you finally made it to Iris Hill, the home of a man named Count Hazerton Lowes, the fourth! Big Count Hazerton fan. I got Hazerton fans in New York, apparently. They love him in New York. It's his hometown. They love a good count here.

It's his hometown. They love him in New York. They're prone to the aristocracy. He's big here. He used to play for the Yankees. The count is the ruler of this area, and he is the man responsible for your committal to Briarstone Asylum where this adventure began.

And the man somehow responsible for your fugue state where you only have these piecemeal memories of who you are in your former lives. Aldo Casimir, Halster Price,

Atticus Grimm, and Sir Julian Bruce. These are the heroes of our tale. Sir Julian aside, the other three of you used to work for Lowes, perhaps as some kind of hired muscle, his thugs, his flunkies, as you were called when you arrived here in Threshmore via boat after leaving the asylum behind. People around here remember you, but you have very little memory of them. This town of Threshmore is shrouded in strange goings-on.

You've discovered a cult of the king in yellow, Hastur. They've infiltrated this town, and they're kidnapping people and sacrificing them in Hastur's name to try and open a portal to Carcosa to allow the one who shall not be named entrance into Galarian. Yes. Yes. Okay.

And the person who appears to be behind all of what's happening here is Laos' assistant, a mysterious woman known only as Melisen. She was left in charge of La's estate when he left town unexpectedly on some pseudoscientific academic mission. You know by now that you're being watched. A group of cultists tried to abduct you and an assassin tried to rub one out. Excuse me. Rub one of you out. Who is that over there? That woman is laughing very loud. I like it. Rub one out.

Extraordinary amount of DNA evidence at the scene of this murder. Yes. That's no way to kill someone. That's just a good time. So you break into Iris Hill in an attempt to try and confront Mellie Senn and learn as much as you can about the Count, your former employer. It appears that she has made some sort of alliance with a tribal cannibal group

known as Kuroos. You find this out when you face two of them and one of these Haster cultists upon arrival at the gatehouse. You get onto the grounds and the fucking topiaries come to life to try and stop you.

What a shitty trick, man. No doubt another product of the same druidic alliance that created an unearthly hedge surrounding the property. Two creepy nobles dedicated to Hastur try to drug and kill you

and perhaps have their way with your corpses. Luckily, try to drug and kill you and perhaps have their way with your corpses. Luckily. Were you late? It was implied. It was implied. It was late and I was going to role play it, but you won.

Luckily, you stopped them before we played that out. You did that outside of our hotel door in Indianapolis. I remember that. Oh. So after that close miss, you enter a carriage house where you find a freshly dug hole leading underground.

Atticus descends a rope to find a large chamber where two elder things emerge, two creatures. Fucking elder mythos emerge. These are creatures from another world that have been in hibernation since before the age of serpents. And they've been apparently awoken by Melisande so she could converse with them and learn from them. Speaking their own language,

the part of Atticus's mind that was switched with that of a Yithian is able to communicate with the elder things, who tell Atticus that long ago they came here following in the footsteps of their enemy, the Flying Polyps. Creatures that roam the galaxy, conquering worlds and leaving them to die. Apparently they came here to Galerion as well

and erected two sets of three monuments somewhere here to stake claim to the land and prepare for their god's awakening. You now know that three of three monuments somewhere here to stake claim to the land and prepare for their God's awakening. You now know that three of those monuments were erected here in Thrushmore. Two you have discovered, but one more you have triangulated to somewhere here on the grounds of Iris Hill. The polyps were eventually defeated by the serpents, but these two elder things went underground to hibernate for millennia, Matthew, awaiting a time that they could awaken and reclaim the land for themselves. Our four heroes say, no, thank you. And they kill them.

Thank you. And they kill them. Then things got weird. Because Atticus Grimm, the wizard. Stop laughing. The way I look at Joe like I crack up. It's so funny. The glasses.

You have to wear them. Oh, my God. It just moves so beautifully. I don't see what's funny. Anyway. It's the wig. It's so funny. The glasses, you have to wear them. Oh my God. It just moves so beautifully. I don't see what's funny. Anyway. It's the wig. It looks very real. Atticus Grimm, the rat folk wizard, while investigating a pool of water at the eastern end of this room, finds a tunnel leading to a sewer duct. He follows the duct, trying and failing to fight off the disease-infested waters, until eventually he breaks the surface to find himself in a well in a small room with a hallway leading west. Atticus, bravely and foolishly, exits the well and begins walking down the hallway until he hears and smells a familiar sound and scent approaching. That of seven dire rats and a horrible tangle of diseased rats

known only as the Rat King. Atticus. Atticus and Atticus alone. Roll for initiative. Roll, Ricker, roll, Ricker. Roll, Ricker, roll, Ricker. Roll for initiative. Yeah, Nick.

Thank you to Nick for all the wonderful drops. Get ready to sing. I will remember you. Will you remember me? Nice, Matt. This is... In the arms of the angel.

Sorry. Wrong one. Save it for like five minutes. I'll save that one. You got the map up here? I can now Let's look at this shit Oh Don't look

Wow Dude Spoiler I didn't know you shaved down there Wow That was a look into the next week's manscaped ad for those listening alright there we go look at this nonsense

you know I was there was a I can't remember it was a couple shows ago you and I were sharing a hotel room and I was prepping and I went oh oh and you were like what and I like, I can't tell you, because I started to look at pictures of a real rat king. Here's one.

Oh! It is a real thing when a bunch of rats just hang out, have a couple pops, and get tangled. And if you think that one's bad, here they are, petrified. Oh, God! Happy Halloween! Look at that, dude. Oh, come on, bring him back.

It's such a weird thing. Why would you... You never think about that. Why would you ever think about that? But then when you think about it, you're like, of course that happens. And it's so terrifying and disturbing. Their tails

get all knotted up, and then they eat each other and shit. I can't put a pair of headphones in my pocket without having to slice them in half with a pair of scissors. Of course that's going to happen. Imagine being a poor little diseased rat. Dude, I...

It all comes down to initiative, because I'm sure you got some cool spells. But, dude, I don't know. This is a bad situation. Seven dire rats and a rat king. What did you roll, you big dummy? Oh, I didn't do that. I just wanted to shout out Tommy, who I met before the show.

I parked outside. Tommy's right there. Where is he? There he is! I parked outside. I had the merch boxes to load in at like 4 o'clock. And parking right behind me, he gets out of his car and he's like, Hey, Joe.

I'm like, who are you? He's like, I'm going to the show tonight. Big fan. What's up, man? And we talked for a few minutes. He's awesome. And he was like, I really want to give you this die. And he gave me this die.

So in memory of your friend Patrick, this die is going to roll initiative. And if it sucks, then fuck! But we'll see. Because this initiative is everything. This is huge. This initiative is literally... It's you versus eight. It's me versus eight. So it's got to be high. Come on.

Here we go. Let's get it. Oh, man. Touch of law. It's an 11. Gentleman's 11. That is the gentleman's 11. That is the roll of an 18 on an issue. All right. Pretty good.

Could be worse. What's your bone? Oh, that's not a good question. Bone is plus 7. That's a good bone. It's a solid bone. It's a solid bone. As far as bones go, it's pretty good.

In the world of bones. It's all right. It's all right. It's all right. But is it enough? No. Shit. The rat directly in front of you.

Oh, that one. That one happened to beat the 18. Yes. Just my luck. I call him Dire Rat 2. He will go to bite you. Shit. Are you invisible or something?

I am invisible. You are invisible, but they can smell you, so 50% mischange. 50% MC, as we saw in the business. All right, let me get my... I forgot you were invisible. I meant to text you today, but I don't like talking to you. Here we go. Miss.

Yes! Yes! All right. Now, you rolled an 18, right? I did. The Rat King rolled a 19. I don't even know. I've never fought one of these things.

I didn't know they were in D&D. I don't know what they are. Well, here's the cool thing about the old Rat King. He's tiny. You know what tiny guys like to do? They like to share spaces with anybody they fucking want to. So they come up here and they're like, hey, you want to join our tangle?

No, no, thank you so much, but no. What are you doing for Halloween? No. I smell you. And they go to bite you. Natural two. Yes! Yes, Atticus!

God, I love this guy. 79 on the concealment. And shockingly, it is your turn. If you don't figure this out, I got 19 guys that are going to bite the shit out of you. I've got you. I've got you. If I had a nickel for every time I heard that. Nice.

All right. I want to flashback. I want to flashback. I want to flashback to the last rest. In town, late in the evening, Atticus trying to get sleep in this bed, but tossing and turning and eventually realizing he can't sleep. He's got something on his mind, and he just gets up. eventually realizing he can't sleep. He's got something on his mind, and he just gets up.

And as usual, he lights a little candle and goes back to his Eldritch Grimmery, his spellbook that is just filled with, if anybody else opened it up, it would be the mad ravings of someone on the edge of losing all touch with reality. And he just frantically flips to a page, and he's looking at it, and he's pouring over it. He's like, there's something so close.

And as you look at the page, you can see there's writing. Some of them so intense that they're scraping the page away. These strange symbols and arcane languages. And you see a drawing a design Grimoire Grimoire Grimoire Grimoire Grimoire Grimoire.

Grimoire. It's been like five shows. I had to do it. Please continue with your grimmery. Can we call this flashback the grimmery? The grimmery reverie? The grimmery reverie. And you see, you do recognize in all these wild ramblings a drawing.

There's a drawing of a humanoid figure, literally, very simple, circle, a head, circle, body, and this dotted line that cuts through the vertical, cuts through the horizontal, and then a solid bar in between it on the other side, the dotted outline of a humanoid. And it almost seems like the humanoid was there, and then it comes here. And there's this almost scientific approach to it,

but it's very hard to understand. And after defeating the elder things, this thing that he'd been working on for a long time that he couldn't quite put together, all of a sudden becomes vividly clear. And in this moment, he knows that he has finally learned it. And he speaks an incantation invisibly and moves his hands in a way that maybe an entertainer would, an illusionist on a stage in front of people, and he does this action,

and touches himself, and casts the spell, phase step, and disappears from where he is, and appears in another location that he can see, and he will appear back in the well, back in the water where he had just come from and splashes

into it bypassing all these guys and diving into the water You did it I did it. So you phase step into the water and just begin sinking. You still have your move action, so you could swim a little bit if you want. Yes, and he'll swim away if I don't think anyone can get to him.

Well, one thing that you can't see is that you can see now that you're in the water, or you couldn't see before, I should say. That's cool. Polygon reveal doesn't work, so don't worry about it. I will never show you. I'm just going to take my laptop and throw it into the crowd. There's a little pocket here,

like a little cave lip that they were hanging out in. They're happy to live in there and fight off any intruders, but they will not follow you into the water. So, for all intents and purposes, you are free. Yes! Yes! Love it! You break the surface of the pond where the Elder Things emerged, Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, He's out of the water, explains what he sees in a frantic narrative.

I'm hearing this strange voice coming from nowhere. And this horrible, horrible smell. It smells like a wet rat. Yes. Hey, it's just me. And he went un-invisible himself. Sir Julie runs you through with her story. Roll for initiative.

I'm kidding. It was for the best. My backup is amazing. My backup is so fun. Yeah, so he will reveal himself, and he's off, yeah. So you came down here. It was a bold move.

You didn't know what you were getting into. You senticus down solo atticus confronted the elder things they told you like oh i'm so glad to wake up can't wait to dominate the world and you were like f that you killed them and then you went through this sewer duct system found uh sort of a situation that you didn't want to be in you phase stepped out of that and now you're back in the cave of the elder things. What do you do? Are all of you going to brave the disease-ridden waters? By the way, I'm just going to tell you, you are a carrier of bubonic plague.

Oh! Which was spread by rats. It was spread by rats, that's true. Well... Rat droppings? Well, fleas. Fleas on rats. Rats carry.

You got the plague, motherfucker! Oh, wait. Shit. Yeah, bubonic plague's no joke, but, you know, one thing that we are doing wrong... Yeah! We're up in the champagne room, motherfuckers!

Hold on. One thing... Take out the plague, motherfucker! There we go. There it is. One thing that we do wrong a lot, which is only the one thing that we do wrong, because everything else is 100% by the book, is where this disease has an onset, you get a second chance to save against it

after 24 hours. And once you fail that save, then it starts to act. So if I save on that, I don't get bubonic plague. Right. Huge. But if you fail, bad things are going to happen. Yeah, it sounds like it. Bubonic plague sounds bad.

It does sound bad. It doesn't sound good. There were multiple diseases in that water. I'm no epidemiologist. That sounds bad. You felt like you were fending yourself off from multiple diseases in that water. So you don't know if your party is going to feel up to that. But you guys can do whatever you want.

Do you want to go back into the water and fight those rats? No, he'll come out and he'll be like, I'm going there. It is disgusting. I'm filled with filthy, swarming rats. And the water is brackish and awful. It has given me a, I feel a scratch in my throat. I should wear a mask. Sir Julie immediately runs you through

to contain the contagion. The best of it stops here and now. But there is a path through to the whatever direction that is, whatever direction Troy decides on his whims that that direction is, there is another place, a well. I don't know.

Perhaps we will approach it from another direction. Let us return to the surface and find another way. So is that what you do? You're going to climb up that rope and go back to the carriage house? Yes. Yeah, absolutely. We. Yes.

Okay. Let's do it back to this sweet map it is a pretty sweet map as far as as far as sweet maps go this one is pretty pretty sweet you guys are in this carriage house you see see this hole. There are stairs going up, a door going out. Obviously, you came in that door. Shut up. And then there's a door leading to the east. What do you do? Listen to the door to the east?

What'd you roll? Oh. 17. You hear the wind. I kick it open. It's made of adamantine. You'll never walk again. 1d4 toe damage.

Kick open the door. And you see this. Oh, what? If you're listening at home, I you see this. Oh, what? If you're listening at home, I just revealed this. So mean to the listeners. So dismissive.

I took it. Blood stains. Blood stains this damp, musty hay scattered across the floor of this stable. Blood money. Blood money. It's a smattering of psychosites, such fans, isn't it? It's blood money.

That's good. Not bottle cap good, but good. Yeah. Hay all over the floor and blood stains. What do you do? I would like to send my new tumorous familiar. Werner. Werner, Werner,

in to investigate the pile of wealth that you see before us. Rural savings. I shall send Werner. Go on, Werner. Go on. See if there's anything of value to real people in there. People have gone to school. Go in there, see if there's anything of worth.

How does this guy work? Can you talk to him? Sure. I don't know if he can understand me or obey my commands, but I can talk to him all I want. All right, so there's your little answer. There's your little tumor. And so Werner listens, nods, and then goes into the room.

And you'll never see him again. No, no, I need him. Yeah, no, he was benign, and now he's gone. What do you guys do? Perception check on the hay? Sure. You going to go in there and look at it? Sure.

I want to get a good look. You want to get in there and look at the hay? Okay. That's what I always say. 18 perception. 18 perception. Anybody else going in there with Sir Julie to look at the hay? Fuck no.

Along with Sir Julie and the living tumor. Halster will follow. I shall not abandon you, Werner. Halster will follow. Thank you. You want a perception, Halster? follow. I shall not abandon you, Werner. Halster will follow. Thank you. You want a perception, Halster? Yeah, sure. Yeah, sure.

14. Okay. Anybody else? Five. I mean, is that what you want? You want to grind the show to a halt? That's what I wanted. Oh, surprise round.

What about you, Aldo? Do you want to get in there or do you want to stand back and just let your tumor do the work? My tumor is going to do a perception check. Yeah. Ooh, natty 19. There's one perceptive tumor. Yeah, this tumor knows what's up. Normally advanced tumors are bad news, but this is...

That's true. That's great. That is a 29. All right. A couple of things are going to happen. The tumor. And only the tumor and only the tumor hears

a sound coming from somewhere in the room that's like that's a good horse was that the humor? the humor was that the tumor or the thing the tumor the d? The humor?

Yeah, humor. The dreaded humor! Yeah. The humor. We've strived for humor this whole evening and not very little response. Roll for initiative. Oh! Holy shit, right away, back at it.

Roll for initiative! Ooh, baby. Zoinks. Aldo, what'd you get? 16 for Aldo Kazamiya. 16 for Aldo Kazamiya. So, Julie? 20.

20 for Sir Julie Halster. 11. 11. Atticus. 23. Tommy! It is a surprise round. Fuck.

And Werner may act. Okay. Okay. Werner, as I understand it, is going to... It's always great when a player starts with that. Yeah. As I understand it. Werner is going to cast Enlarge Person on Sir Julie. Oh my god.

Well, it's a full round action. Oh, okay. Oh, so you can't. I'm going to surprise John. Oh, yeah. Okay. Maybe it's a standard, but it takes a full round. Is it a Sandoni or is it a full round?

It definitely takes a full round to come into effect. Right, that doesn't mean it's not a standard. Oh, no. Yeah, it's a round. Wow. Okay, then he doesn't do that. That would have been really fun and cool. No, I don't see why you...

Am I right? He can still do it. He just can't move, right? It's one round casting time. It takes a full action. You want an action to do that? Okay. I'm going to ruin it, Joe.

So instead, instead, Werner is going to do that? Okay. So instead, instead, Werner is going to cast... David's happy. Instead, Werner is going to cast Cat's Grace on Sir Julie. Ah, meow.

She pirouettes into the air. Kitten has claws. At that moment, as Werner casts Cat's Grace on Sir Julie, a spectral figure of a horse manifests in the room and kicks Sir Julie, or at least attempts to. Just like, shaboom, into Sir Julie's flat-footed A sizzle. 15. Miss.

Yes! Up yours, horse! The horse appears and misses round one, Atticus's turn. Oh, shit. So where does it appear? Right next to Sir Julie. I'll find a horse pawn. So on the other side of Halster, in a place where I can't see it, is what you are saying.

Yes, let me find a spectral horse. There she is. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Easy now, girl. Easy now. What. Easy now. What a beautiful mare. It's a dead unicorn. Careful now.

Give her a carrot. Could also be a narwhal. I can't tell. It's true. Atticus will draw out a wand from his belt and cast at the creature with a brief command word and will cast Scorching Ray at the horse, at the spectral horse.

Scorching Ray at the horse. Let's see if it does anything. Here we go. Natural 20. Yeah! Critical threat. Critical threat. Critical.

Critical. Critical threat. To confirm. To confirm. Natural 17. Yeah! Dude. I think we should get a fan critical going.

We should get a fan magic critical going! Oh, these are so juicy, usually. Find a real good one. I can't see shit. The dude needs glasses. Why'd you put the sunglasses back on? Oh, oh, God, I had it. And then touch pads.

Here we go. Let's do, ooh, let's do, is this magic? It is. Adam from Ithaca, New York. Hi, Adam. Did he make Ithaca, a little Finger Lake action? Fuck you, Adam. Adam from Ithaca, New York.

And God said yes. You cast your spell, and a god from some far-off realm has given you great power. Treat the spell you just cast as though it were under the effect of a maximized magic metamagic feat. Oh, my God. Your spell isn't affected by maximized magic. Instead, it takes

full effect with no downsides as it makes sense to the group as a whole. I don't know what that means, but I think it just means... Dude, roll that damage out, or is it just max damage? I think it's just max damage. That is 24 points of fire damage. It takes no damage.

Oh, no! Sir Julie, you're up. Sir Julie, wait, is it because it's immune to crits? Don't worry about it. Or immune to fire? Knowledge check. Knowledge check. You can do that. That's free. Knowledge religion. You knowledge yourself. How dare you?

You knowledge yourself when you're talking to me. Natural 18. This die, Tommy. That is a 26 knowledge religion. Alright, so what's going on with this thing? This is a haunt. Fucking, how many haunts have to deal with? And this is what you know.

Without a clarity. That was the whinnying sound. Yes. By the rules of the game as I have read them over and over again and still don't know if I fully understand it, which is all of Pathfinder, you have missed your opportunity to try and neutralize it. Yeah. In a surprise round, Halster could have tried to cure light wounds, but you had to beat the perception check to even act in the surprise round. I'm talking little mechanics, little story. So you're like, this is a haunt.

This is what you know. There's got to be another way to stop the haunt. No magic is going to do it. Well, maybe. Maybe fire wasn't it. Maybe it's dirty horse magic is what it needs. You don't know. Does anyone have dirty horse magic?

You don't know. Does anyone have dirty horse magic? Now, if you remember, the... I don't know if it was the last haunt, but an earlier haunt you faced was the birdcage, where guys were being lifted and thrown to the ground, destroying the birdcage, ended the haunt. You need to find that or just get out of here before it kills you. Okay, he'll share that with the group.

It is no creature. It is a haunt, Sir Julie. I don't know yet how to diminish it, but perhaps it is a riddle. No damage will, no physical damage will do anything. Perhaps feed it bloody hay. Perhaps it likes bloody hay. Sir Julie, what do you do?

Fall back. So I will withdraw Okay Sir Julie withdraws like a cowardly knight She is known Julie the withdrawn Mostly at parties It is Aldo's turn

Aldo you see Sir Julie back into the room Cowering in fear Aldo is Going to Aldo, you see Sir Julie back into the room, cowering in fear. Aldo is going to take a five-foot step. He's going to take a chance here. Werner is going to say, come on back here, Werner. Werner is going to move back to Aldo. And he is going to throw a bomb into the hay to try to destroy the hay.

Okay, here's what I'm going to do. That provoked on Werner, so the spectral horse is going to kick Werner. Or attempt to. Attempt to. I'm using the die that chained like 1920s in a row on a Starship Combat. Yeah.

Oh, man, that was right on the middle of a 19 and a 1. We'll call it a 19. No, I'll re-roll it. Here we go. Again, shitty fucking crack die. A miss. I'm assuming. I don't know what Werner's situation is.

11? That is a miss. All right, so the horse't know what Werner's situation is. Eleven? That is a miss. Alright, so the horse just... Werner skitters back to his master. And... Fire in the hay! Boom. Okay.

Roll to hit the hay. Ninety-seventeen. Oh yeah. That hits the hay. Is that fire damage? Yes. Okay. The hay burns away and Halster,

you see lying on the ground beneath the hay now that the hay is very quickly just incinerated a cleaver. A cleaver, okay. A very large cleaver that i'm shrinking okay that seems like a reasonably sized cleaver now yes the blood is still there but the hay is gone i'm going to hope that the spectral horse oh is it my turn now oh no i just

i'm having a conversation with you okay um yeah, that's a nice cleaver. It is your turn. Halster is going to use his A-move action, move equivalent action to pick up the cleaver, and then he is going to move action move out of the stable. Can he move out this way, or does he need to retreat back

to where his allies are? You've got to retreat to where your allies are. It's already used. It's A-O-O, so unless it has combat reflexes, you feel pretty secure that it cannot do it again. You step out of the room with the cleaver, and the fucking horse goes away.

Yeah! You just neutralized the haunt! I think that's a first! I think that is a first. We'll see you in Philly. No, uh, good job. Good job. Good job. You take the cleaver, and you realize, like, as you start to put two and two together,

they must have been, someone must have been butchering horses in here. And the spirit of those horses. I wonder who it could have been. I wonder who it could have been. Could have been anybody. But the spirit of those angry, angry butchered horses have arisen by removing that piece, the cleaver. It has neutralized the haunt. Nice.

I've sent them on their way to Phrasma. Well done, Haster. Thank you, Sir Julian. Well done, Haster. I must agree. Thank you, Atticus. Shall we look upstairs in this horror house? Yes. Yes.

Yes. I feel there's more souls to be freed upstairs. You go first, then. All right. Wait a second! All right. Halster will go first up the stairs. All right, so you want to free some souls upstairs. And there's nothing else to see

in that room. It's just full of dry, desiccated horse blood and bones and stuff like that. Good question. Yeah, no, it's just a room of death. Okay. To the next one. Nothing but death in that room. All right, so you want to go up the stairs.

Let me just grab you guys. You know, I'll do a little copy-paste. If you will direct your attention down to the southern portion of this giant map, will direct your attention down to the southern portion of this giant map. You'll see that I have revealed the courtyard and the buildings from above. You cleared the second floor

of those perverts abode. But this map is the second floor of all the other buildings. Now, that first one that had the three bars of magical soap doesn't have a second floor. However, this one does. Let me put you guys, big second floor fans here tonight.

You love to see it. For the record, I thought we were still in the same house with the noble couple in their sex games. And I was like, how does butchering horses factor into their roleplay? How indeed. Why don't you go into it, Matthew? What do you think? I'm going to pass on that one. Alright, so you weirdos emerge

in a stairwell creaking up the wooden stairs and you're on the second floor of the carriage house in this little room. Houser will bravely open... Well, he'll listen at the door real quick with a 20 perception check.

You hear fireworks. Katy Perry? Houser will open the door. Baby, I'm a firework. You hear a dance party. Katy Perry? Houser will open the door. You hear a dance party. It sounds like Katy Perry. It sounds like 2012 in there. Houser will open the door.

You open the door? Yes. I can go up, up, up. I can go across the sky, up, across the sky. No, that's not what happens. Do you ever feel like a paperback? That's not what happens in this story. You open the door, and you see a tiny little room. Oh, no.

Is that a hawkish room? Is that another hedgehog? What is that? It's sonic. It is a nicely appointed little bedroom. There's a wide bed covered with a homey quilt, a low shelf,

and a writing desk. There are tapestries hanging on all the walls in the room, and a tall pitcher plant standing in the middle of the room. There's a faint aroma of sandalwood in the air, which, Grant, I know you know, is quite pleasant.

It is. It is lovely and expensive. Carrie Haley knows that, too. As a soap maker. I think Halster will be kind of brought in by the sandalwood and will walk in. He's also totally taken back by just how many tapestries the people

of Iris Hill have in all of their houses. They love them. They love a good tapestry. Well, you know, the Count is the ruler of this area. Yeah, they're nobles, man. Yeah, they're nobles. This is what they do. They take objet d'art from everywhere and they hang them in their guest houses.

There's also no TV. Right. So you can't watch your stories. You just stare at a tapestry all night. So Halster will look through the mise-en-scene for some objet d'art and other sources of danger, potentially. What is that thing in the middle that looks so strange? A tall potted plant. Okay.

Halster will approach and move to the next door, doing a perception check in the room as he walks through it for anything unusual. That will be a total of a six. Six? So Halster falls into the room. So he's a human being after all. Trips over the bed, lands face first onto a bookshelf, and then stumbles over to the

door and doesn't see anything. Okay. But man, that sandalwood smells good. Sir Julie, I see you have entered the room. I have. What are you doing? Sir Julie walks up to the potted plant and begins to hack it to pieces with her greatsword.

Real green thumb she has. Roll for initiative. Oh! Oh! Roll, rickle, roll, rickle, roll, rickle, roll, rickle, roll for initiative! It's not even a creature. I just don't like the way you dealt with that plant. It's just rude.

Might be some horticulturist here tonight. A former lover of mine wore sandalwood in his cologne. It has been etched into my memory. I like that Sir Tully is this paragon of virtue that also is quite horny. She's been in an asylum for 40 years. She's earned it. She's been in an asylum for 40 years. Yeah, I guess so. She's earned it.

She's ready for a night on the town. It's ladies' night at the Stain. Hey, did you hear? It's ladies' night at the Stain. What a horrible place for ladies. But there's Sir Julian nursing a whiskey sour at the bar. Yeah, this is the only woman that showed up. I don't know what's happening.

I should do a better job promoting this ladies' night at the Stain. The Stain. For a good time. All right, Halster. Wait, what did you roll? For initiative? No, for swim check. That would be better.

I rolled a four. A four. You're bad at this. Atticus. Oh, that was a real initiative? Yeah. Shit. So Julie hacked a plan.

24. 24 is pretty good. Halster. 17. 17. Aldo. Eleven. Halster. 17. 17. Aldo. 11. Let's.

Leave all that is money. Let's go. This is beautiful. Okay, so. What happened? So here's the thing. Halster stumbles into the room. He's so intoxicated by the smell of sandalwood that he can't even get his bearings.

Rolls a four perception. Looks safe. Sir Julie comes in and is like, fuck that plant. Shaboom! And as you go to swing at it, the plant just like rises up.

Oh, for reals. And now Atticus, you're outside the room, and you see this, and you act first. I will put said plant on the john. On the john, Jamski. All right, he will first move up to get closer to the room, and then what is he looking at?

Looking at this. That comes out of the plan. Knowledge nature. Knowledge nature? Will that do it? Nature boy. Let's see. Sorry, I'm getting older.

It happens to a lot of men. That's all the drinking. Knowledge nature. Knowledge nature. Knowledge nature. Damn it. There it comes. Natural one. There it is.

There's the natural one. Damn it. All right. Just going to... All right. Seeing this creature, he's not going to hesitate. He keeps the same wand he's not going to hesitate. He keeps the same wand he's had on him, and he casts Scorching Rage.

Does he enter the room to do so? No. So as to not give it a little bone because you're shooting through a doorway into a room. He's fine. You want to give it the AC bone? It has the AC bone whether he moves in or not. Look at it. Oh, because of the mind.

All right. Okay. It's going to be the same bone. All right, let's see what you got. Is it against touch? It's the same bone. Is it against touch or is it against regular AC? It's against touch!

Here we go. Jesus. Sorry, I got... All right, roll to hit. Grant, calm down. Here we go. I'm just scared. That is a 14 against touch.

That's actually a hit. Yeah! But wait, but wait, but wait, wait, wait. It's a hit, but what are its bonuses to its AC? Did you count the minus four for shooting in a melee? No. Ten. Ten.

Not a hit. Fuck. Fuck stick stick Is it Is that active Even if no one has acted yet It's still Considered If Sir Julie

Hadn't walked in there Like a psychopath Attacking a plant Well she should get A surprise round Surprise round Surprise round attack Yes

Surprise round Yes Thank you Julie Julie Julie Skin for president That was actually Grant made the call Surprise wrap. Thank you, Skid. Jolie, Jolie, Jolie. Skid for president. That was actually, Grant made the call.

I just voiced his concern. Grant, you should learn to use your voice. I needed a captain. I heard a lot of different... I outrank him. That's why I had... He went through the chain of command. I got to respect that.

I heard a lot of differing opinions. So let's ask the bartender. Just say yes or no. There you go! Thank you! Why did you pay him? Alright, Sir Julie, take your stupid

surprise round of time. Get a crit! Well, I'm gonna to turn on furious focus and power attack. And I have a little reminder. As is tradition. As is tradition. And I have a little reminder here set to go off just as the show begins. You know, I hate those. Oh, shit.

Last show in dear old Columbus, Ohio. I have no memory of it. No memory of it. Sir Julie scored a critical hit against an enemy. You could be making this up. Some folks were there. And the effect of the hit was that I get an automatic critical threat

on my next attack. That's right! Oh! Critical threat, critical threat, critical... I can't wait. Critical threat. Critical threat. Critical. Critical.

Critical threat. I'm pretty sure I just saw Joe's scrotum when I looked over at him. Do whatever you want, Matthew. Just don't make me look back over there. I think it's the time of the night to do this. Yeah! Yeah! Got to give the people... It's coming through now.

It is a critical threat, and you're rolling to confirm, but it's an automatic hit. Okay. 29. Yeah! Oh my goodness gracious! Okay.

Why do you make me work all the time? Can I have some rounds off? Joe has four 24-ounce Bud Lights by his side. Well, I ordered two, but Matthew gave me both of his! I've got to stay sharp to you. This is a problem. Oh, my God. All right, so do you have a... Both of his! I gotta stay sharp to you. This is a problem. My God.

All right, so do you have a... All right, Sean from Syracuse, New York. Sean? Sean? Sean, go fuck yourself. Here we go. I hear Syracuse is lovely. This one is called... Oh, it's terrible.

It's a bad city. This one is called... It's all right. It's a bad city This one is called It's alright It's a good city What cities do you like? It's every city I've been to Syracuse Syracuse is great

No it's terrible They got dinosaur barbecue And that's it It's really hard to live there For like nine months of the year But otherwise it's great Disassociate with me Is the name of your crit.

You hit an opponent so hard that they briefly lose all sense of identity and feeling. Double damage, and the creature must pass a fortitude save or become stunned for two... Immune to stunning. Okay. Double damage? You may take your double damage. I am so sorry. Answer, Julie.

I hope you kill it, because it's its turn. Okay. Lord Percival, I smell you on this plant. I smell your sex. And your fuckboy tendencies. I thought I had banished you to where you belong. But here we are.

37 points of damage. Dude, that's gotta be hanging by a thread. Magical. That's pretty good. Magical for the purposes of John. Yeah. Still up. Wait, is it my turn?

Oh, no. Wait, I have a second attack. That was your surprise round. Surprise John. Bro, take it easy. That was your surprise, John. I got excited. A couple of things are going to happen at that moment. It just like squeezes down and goes. Oh, I hate him.

And a cloud of fucking nonsense appears around it. You know what? I'll throw it on the map just so you can see the cloud. Oh! Just so you can see the general area of this cloud. Grant's already ready to roll it. Everybody give me a fortitude save. Oh, this is going to be bad.

This is going to be bad. I saw a good roll there. You're excited, so let's start with you, Joe. 19. Grant. 23. So, Julie. Is this a disease?

You're a disease. And I'm a cure. It's so much fun to play with you, Joe. It is not. It I'm a cure. It's so much fun to play with you, Troy. It is not. It is an exceptional ability. 14. So sorry. No, you're not.

Skip. Fail. Oh, folks. Amazing. Amazing. Aldo and Sir Julie Fail Let me just make sure I'm getting the timing On this correct

Because I'm so excited Oh my god this is This is phenomenal Uh Okay Sir Julie These spores come out And all of a sudden, you're just like, you can't breathe as the spores start to go into your mouth and cloud your esophagus straight into your lungs.

You are suffocating. Stand in place, hold your breath, and clutch at your throat for one round. Stand in place, hold your breath, and clutch at your throat for one round. Meanwhile, Aldo, all of a sudden you see the plant erupt with these spores. And you're like, what is going on? Why is the plant getting so much bigger? Why are my friends getting so much bigger? And you just shrink down to one-tenth your normal size.

What? And all you can think to yourself is, if I take no actions for one round, the monsters can't see me. Oh my god. They're both out of the combat for this round.

It is Halster's turn. Halster, we're all counting on you. God. Do it. This is just like Lord Percival. Making everyone feel small. Right. Always have to diminish other men.

Halster is going to expend a use of fervor to call down divine favor on himself in order to take out this incredibly dangerous creature. He's been kind of saving his spells, but this seems like a dangerous moment, and he's going to strike out. Here it comes. That's going to be an 11 to hit.

Halster just like, God damn it. Misses this writhing plant. It's Aldo's turn. Shit. Aldo, you cannot take any actions this round while you hide thinking that you are one-tenth the size that you are. You guys look at Aldo, and he hasn't changed at all. I'm quietly singing the lyrics that you are. You guys look at Aldo, and he hasn't changed at all. I just, I'm

quietly singing the lyrics to White Rabbit. It then goes to Sir Julie. Sir Julie, what do you do in this round that you can't do anything? Sir Julie suffocates. Yeah. Clutches at her throat, as you described. And, uh...

Just because you have beautiful hair doesn't mean you can treat people like this, you sandalwood monster. So Julie's got her own thing going on. I think that's pretty clear. Why was she in that insane asylum? I don't understand. Top of round two.

Atticus two Atticus Atticus you passed your save But I need you to roll another one You're shitting me I would never shit you You would shit me Yes yes you would I would

Balls I'm relying on this D20 tonight This is the one. It's got to be tonight. Natural 18. Tomlin crushing it. All right. Enormous.

Enormous. You have a chance to act here. You're still standing outside of the room. You're still shooting into melee if you want to do an offensive spell. What do you want to do? He feels that this is getting out of hand. Sir Julie is locked up. Aldo locked up. And he can feel

as he's avoiding these spores, he knows that at any minute he could succumb to them and he can't see any way out of them. Anytime soon he looks ahead, they're all there. He looks behind, they're all there. And he thinks, this may be my only chance. And he gently touches with his off

hand in his pocket the pearl of power that he has. And he's like, I must draw from it. And once more today, and he's going to recast Magic Missile, which he already cast today.

Because he must do damage to this thing. Unerring recast Magic Missile, which he already cast today. Because he must do damage to this thing. Unerring damage right now. How many D4s are you rolling? I am rolling 3D4 plus 3.

Here we go. 3D4 plus 3. 4 and a 3 to start. Good start. That is 12 points of death. Oh, I'm sorry. 11 points of death. Yeah!

That's good damage. Let's see if he's dead. Damn it! Fudge. I really hoped. I really hoped. That was... He is not.

That's a once a day sort of thing for me. Here's the good news. It's its turn. Oh, that's not good news. It is going to attempt to slam either Halster or Sir Julie with its spore-covered tentacles. Vines, perhaps?

But who to smack? Couple of high AC sum bitches? I roll a d6. One, two, three. Halster, four, five, six. Sir Julie. Your AC hasn't changed in this state, right? I didn't give you any sort of AC penalty

Although I should have I mean, do I have a condition? Is there a condition I can apply myself? Yeah, you're hallucinating Do you have the hallucinating condition on? That's pretty much Sir Julie's default state I think we've learned a lot about Sir Julie tonight Yeah, no, your AC is still going to be really good

Here, let's see what happens. It's going to be Halster. All right. Goes to slam you, Halster Price, if that's your real name. You know what? Let's get Neon Green. Ooh. All right.

27 to hit Holy shit What did you do Sir Julie He's one mean player He's one mean player I told you First of all Let's roll out some damage Not bad

9 points of damage Go ahead and give me a Fortitude save. You got good Fortitude, right? I got all right Fortitude. Here it comes. That's going to be a 16 on the die for a 23. Oh, yes. You're all right.

We're done now. Take your spores and get them out of my throat. You're all right. However, it is your turn, and I need another Fortitude save. Wow. That's a 20. Damn it. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck. What do you got! That's a 20. Damn it!

Yeah! Yeah! Fuck. What do you got, Stud? I'm going to use a swift action to empower my weapon with my sacred weapon capability and swing out with one sweet, juicy hit

for a 19 to hit. AC 18. Yeah! That's my boy, Bergdog, as they call him on the natural team. Here comes the damage.

That's 17 points of damage. Let's see if it did it. And his name is John Cena. You mess with a Bergdoll and you get the horns. Man, we needed that. Dude. What does a Bergdoll look like? Looks just like this, Matthew.

Pretty awesome. Could have been much worse. Dude. That crit saved your asses. That was huge. Yeah, no shit. I totally forgot about that

in Columbus and that was massive. That was great. I'm 100% sure you're lying. Thank God for Grant going through the chain of command

through proper channels and getting me to say something. And thank you to the bartender. Yes! Yes! Buy a drink!

Give a tip! Please be generous with your tips. Yes. Alright, you have vanquished this nasty foe. I mean, it had 50-something hit points. Wow! And these hallucinations were this nasty foe. I mean, it had 50-something hit points. Wow.

And these hallucinations were going to last something like 1d4 rounds plus 5. Wow. I wasn't even actually suffocating. I thought I was suffocating. But as long as you stayed in the area,

which takes up everywhere, you had to roll every round. So there was a world where you all fall under the spell and have different hallucinations. And they're all terrible. They all pretty much take you out of the fight. So you had Atticus roll knowledge, religion. Did this give us the same type of vibe? That's not true.

Knowledge, nature. It was knowledge, nature. Knowledge, nature. So this was a plant-like creature, not like the, what were the... Yeah, you can actually take some time now, because Atticus failed miserably. Yeah, he's like, I've never seen anything like it. Why would you have this in your room? Some sort of defense

mechanism, perhaps. Now this, for a sex game, I would understand. Makes more sense. No? No? It is a creature known as a basideron. It is just a plant creature consisting of four spidery stalks, long green tendrils,

and an inverted bell-shaped cap filled with spores. Every time it slams, you have to fight against the spores, which do con damage. You've seen some sort of druidic influence. I mentioned it in the recap with the topiaries coming to life, this hedge that grew,

and also the druid that she was working with outside of the city. Was it the same person? Maybe. Maybe not. She was making all these concoctions to send people to the dreamlands and stuff. All these drugs based on naturally occurring plants. What was the name of that druid? I don't remember. The cave-dwelling druid?

Steve? I believe it was Steve. We never got the name because we killed the druid before speaking with them. Right. She was having high tea with her wolf friends, and you came in and murdered her in cold blood. We'll never know. You'll never know.

But you do notice that there's like blood around the lip of the pot. And you think like someone has been feeding this plant blood to keep it alive. Feed me Seymour! This is fucking little

shop of horrors. Ah, its name is Audrey 2. Audrey 2. Or 3. Feed me all night long. What do you guys want to do? There is one more door. You also can explore this room.

Yeah, can we take 20 on the room? Yeah, but take a second because I closed my tab. Really explain what you're doing. Let me tell you all about Lord Percival. You know what? You're into great detail. I got it. I got it.

It's fine. Thank God. It's fine. You take 20 on the room and you see it looks like someone was staying here regularly. And now no one is really using it. Someone was using it recently, but they haven't been here in at least a couple of days. If you're taking 20, you're smart enough to figure that out. You see a small box of incense left behind and four tinder twigs next to a small shrine.

How does the incense smell? Like sandalwood. Sir Julie stabs it with her great sword. Roll for initiative. The incense rises up. I am the ghost of Lord Percival. You were a terrible lay. That's what the incense is. What did you say?

What did you say? What did you say? Boom, detect magic. You see that one of the bits of incense is incense of meditation. Oh, that's good stuff. I don't know if any of you are into that, but incense of meditation is when a divine

spellcaster, you and you alone, lights a block of incense of meditation, then spends eight hours praying and meditating nearby. This incense enables her to prepare all their spells

as though affected by the maximized spell feat. Didn't we already get this? I think we do have some. I think we have another one. We have it in this game. No, we just ran into it in Raiders of the Lost Continent. I don't know if it's aired yet,

but it's something. Joe, you're on that show. It has. That's why I remembered it. Here's, but it's... Joe, you're on that show. It has. That's why I remembered it. Here's the kicker. All the spells prepared in this way are at their normal level, not three levels higher, like if you were using the metamagic feat.

It's pretty sweet. It's a one-use, John. If you want to use it, you guys can fight over it. Roll off? It would not help, Sir Julius Spells. So, Halster should take it. But you want to roll off just for fun? Your giant hands have crushed the mic. Grant!

I'm so angry at Mike. Alright, you get it. Grant said great. Grant said great. Grant said great. Large bed in the room, writing desk and chair, bookshelf. You do see, as you start to assess the room, now that you're out of combat, because Sir Julie walked in there like a maniac and started hacking at a plant. On the north wall of the room, painted on one of the tapestries... Tapestries? Tapestries.

...is the symbol of Hester. This massive yellow sign. It looks like it's painted in okra. Okra? Okra? What? Okra? Did they use...

Wait, wait. Grimoire. Did they use the okra as the brush or just like ground up okra? You know what? That's what I... Okra. Oh, I just pronounced it wrong?

Oh, okay. clearly someone hasn't seen joseph and the amazing technicolor dreamcoat i can hear nick wooing i know the second you mention the music distinctive woo in the whole city. If you ever want to feel small, mispronounce something in this group. Or suffer the hallucination from that plant. Or suffer the hallucination. So you see this yellow sign painted in whatever hanging above this makeshift shrine

that is covered in ash from burned incense. So whoever was using this room, stop fucking talking while I'm talking. Were you saying anything interesting? There was a...

That was really mean. I was just asking. I didn't hear. What'd he say? He said, were you saying anything interesting? How dare you? How dare didn't hear. What did he say? He said, were you saying anything interesting? How dare you?

How dare you, sir? What did you say? How dare you? What did you say? All right. Come on. All right. So you continue with your uninteresting exposition.

I'm interested. I'm interested. You push the okra out of the way. Okay. Cast it to the floor. And you see this yellow sign and this shrine with ash and you realize

whoever was staying in this room was Oprah. Whoever was staying in this room was using it to pray to Hester. Yeah, get him out of here, sir. Steven, drag him off the stage.

It's a Sandman. It's a Sandman's company. He looks big, but he's light now. Punch him in the nuts, too. So someone was praying to Hester. That's it. That's the note. All right.

Okay. All right. Sir Julie might have an interest in dismantling the shrine. Okay. Oh, shit. She immediately dies. It says if any stupid paladin who is rude to their GM tries to dismantle the shrine, they automatically die.

It's weirdly specific. It's really weird, yeah. Well, blame Tito Leotti. Alright, so what do the rest of the three of you do as Sir Julie clutches at her throne and dies? Atticus is going to try to stop her for a second.

He's going to say, Sir Julie, stop. Wait. And he's like transfixed by this thing. Wouldn't it be important to know why they do it? Why worship it? If we tear it down, we learn nothing. And he's like completely transfixed by it. He's thinking of these elder things that spoke to him below,

these things that fed him this knowledge somehow of this spell that helped him save his life. He's looking at it, he's just like, why does she do it? Why does she do it Mel said why does she seek his favor answering these questions would help us would it not

merely tearing it down gives us nothing when you're right you're right Atticus come let us hold hands and attempt separate knowledge checks together when you're right you're right Sir Julie Come, let us hold hands and attempt separate knowledge checks together. When you're right, you're right, Sir Julie.

That's what it looks like. Can we do like a, oh yeah. I don't know. Is there anything to be done here? Knowledge planes. Like to understand the, I guess maybe we haven't done this yet, or maybe we have, and you could just summarize it for me, but like the purpose of Hashtag worship, the goal, the dogma, you know what I mean? Like what, is it just world domination, or like what is the reason that these people would do this? Okay. You know, you've been thinking about this for a this. Okay.

You've been thinking about this for a while. Yeah. You know what I mean? And so you see this. As much as I can say, roll something, I think at this point you've been considering it, and now that you're presented with this sign, it kind of rushes this thought that you've been maybe burying to the forefront,

and you start to think about it. Think about it a little bit more like what is going on with this Hashtur worship and you're like what is that book the revelations of Holly yes took out like

you it starts to ring a bell to you maybe you read it maybe you're familiar with it. Or maybe that part of your mind that is connected with another worldly being knows all about it. When you think about that book, and it is a book of notes, hymns, and stories by a prophet known only as Hali. by a prophet known only as Hali. And the main story that's being told, if you can even try to decipher

it, because a lot of these texts are so fucking all over the place, you try to read it, and it drives you crazy. But the main story concerns a being from the ancient city of Carcosa named Hoseb Alar Robardin, who awakens

from a sickness-induced sleep to find himself lost in an unfamiliar wilderness. And as that happens, he happens upon the famous prophet, Hali, and together they work to return him to his foreign world. During this time,

Hali learns much magic and together they discover the proper spell. However, in the casting of that spell, Hali is transported to Carcosa as well. And now together they must work to return Hali to this world. You think about Hoster worship,

you think about Carcosa, and you're still unaware of your former lives, but what you seem to remember is that there are three cities. And Carcosa was like the mysterious one that no one really knew

about, and then there was another city that was all about opulence and hedonism. And then there was a second city that sort of sat in the middle. No one really paid attention to Carcosa. No one really paid attention to Hastur. But then slowly over time, the hedonistic city was enveloped and destroyed. And that middling city was also enveloped and destroyed. The power of Hastura was so great that even in an alien universe, he was able to take over

an entire planet. And so people that worship him are also hedonistic, like those perverts that you met. They're obsessed with luxury, living life to its fullest, even if that means doing dark things to themselves. These people that worship Hoster,

they want to take over the world and destroy everyone so they can just live if Hoster allows them to live should he come here this is end of the world shit now there's plenty of cults that believe in stuff like this apocalyptic cults that think like

ah the end of the world's coming this happens in our own society and so there's a party that's like well there, the end of the world's coming. This happens in our own society. And so there's a party that's like, well, there's just a bunch of crazy people. Let's start putting money behind that. Start putting people in power behind that. And bad things can happen. Sir Julie, have you ever Thought about

If you gave up this life Of religious Righteousness Of suffering And pain And doubt And simply Lived a life of opulence.

They simply relaxed, waited on, and had everything taken care of for you. Sure, some may suffer, but you could have it all. If you ever wondered in all your years in the asylum, was it ever tempting? And his eyes are kind of far off.

Have I wondered? Yes, doubt is a part of faith, as you well know, Atticus. But my faith in Sarenrae has carried me through. For what would I be without the service I have dedicated my life to? What would those decades in the silent be worth if I did not continue to seek the good work

in service of the Dawnflower? I admire it, Sir Julie. There is no doubt, but do you not find yourself tempted by the idea of finally not having to deal with this pain anymore. Do not have to struggle against some great power, some overwhelming oppression that you are unfit to defeat. unfit to defeat, something that you could just, with a wave of a hand, dismiss and forget about, so that you may finally relax, you may finally have peace. Sorry, there, Oedipus.

I've been discussing what you've been talking about with Werner. And we've both come to the conclusion that you sound like you're a few roos loose in the top paddock. I agree. Yes. You're scaring me, Atticus, and I'm immune to fear. I'm scaring myself if I'm honest there was a moment with those elder things where their propositions

seemed somewhat tempting I cannot lie it is something my father always desired the raising of our station the desire to be free of struggle,

free of pain. It is hard to imagine not wanting that. But you all are convinced you wish to struggle forever. What is life but struggle? But you all are convinced. You wish to struggle forever.

What is life but struggle? But if we can struggle for goodness, then that is a life well fought. Well fought, no? The Lady of Graves has seen infants born only to die immediately thereafter, and tyrants live to old age. There is no sense in our paths, but once we reach the end, we must be ferried through her lands to the other side.

How we get there? Well, it's up to you, Atticus. And I fall back on my bruise loose in the top paddock comment. Plus one. Reiterate. Plus one. Werner's quite adamant.

He's very concerned about your mental health. Does Werner have any suggestions on how we might address the situation? One moment. Werner. Is that me? No, I'm talking to him. Thank God.

No. Breath. No, he's only been, he's only like six hours old. But I'm certain, I've had a lot of faith. I think if he's got a couple more weeks under his belt, I have a lot of wisdom to impart in situations like this. Shall we press forward?

Yes. Yes. Listen at the door. Okay. 17. You don't hear anything. Open the door. You open the door.

And you see one more small room. Looks like a lounge. Slightly dusty. Containing a pair of mostly empty bookshelves. And a couple of comfortable chairs. A place where someone, perhaps the worshipper of Hastur, would come and read. Maybe before it became a place for someone to say when it was just a carriage house

that you could see it probably used to store tack and other tools to repair and maintain the carriage downstairs, but it has since been converted into a quaint lounge. The shelves in the room are mostly empty with the exception of a single book lying

alone looks like a ledger book can I do a perception check on the room now that we can see it just to make sure there's no nothing's gonna ruin our day. Natural 20.

Yeah, you don't see anything besides the two chairs, the bookshelves, and that one book. I step in to examine the book. Okay. You open the book, and you start reading it. Does it have a title? Yes, it's called... First, let us judge this by its cover.

It does not have a title. It's just a leather-bound book that looks like a ledger to record things. I pass it to the more intelligent members of our party. Okay. I'll take that. Not the most intelligent member, though. Can we... She said the most intelligent.

I have been blessed with extraordinary superhuman intelligence, but I've also acquired the wisdom to know that occasionally companions need to have their self-confidence bolstered. So, I defer to you, Eticus, whose brains are huge. Larger than even mine, please impart your intelligence onto us. One day I will take that headband off his corpse. You have to wake up pretty early in the morning

to do that. Is there a rule? To read? Well, I mean, is it another language? Give it to Aldo now! I'll change my mind. I will take it. Is it in common?

Do you just want to read it? I just want to read it. Alright, so... Matthew, don't laugh at that. Come on! Matthew, don't laugh at that. Come on. Guys!

Do you ever approach a book with, like, caution? Well, in this, yes! Almost everything in this kills you. Almost everything. It's a book. So you read it. And... You see mostly lists and calculations of shipments received and paid, distributed for the last month,

filling the first 10, 20 pages. It shows that as you're leafing through it, that the former servants were fired and new ones were purchased from someone. And as you start to read the name, something happens. See, I'm not the asshole here. I knew there was some shit going on.

I could smell it. Asshole. And I need you to roll a reflex save, wizard. A reflex? Oh, fucking God, no. Oh, God. Tommy! Tommy!

Fuck! Fuck! Twelve. Amazing. Fuck! Oh, you just have these moments where you just hope, you just hope they fail. And you did. Shipments.

Blah, blah, blah. Bought from, and then all of a sudden, a flash of brown light erupts from the book. Accompanied by a puff of dun colored smoke. And a pop! Loud noise. And all of a sudden, you look at Atticus and he is engulfed in a shimmering amber field of force. Everybody roll an Arcana check if you can.

Can I roll it? Sure. You can still... Actually, you can roll it, sure. Have a sip of your Captain Morgan and milk first. Yes. I won't drink that, Matthew. I will not do it.

Room temperature. Oh, God. Oh, God. It's nice and refreshing. It really is a Captain Morgan and warm milk. It's horrible. Who has Arcana? I do.

I do. I don't. Nor do I. Oh, there's the natural 15. Fucking shit. 25. Knowledge Arcana. That's perfect.

I mean, you have lived a very interesting life that has brought you to this moment. You've lived a very interesting life life and you're slowly starting to remember bits and pieces of it. Bits and pieces of the arcana that you once knew that you're trying to regain to be able to save the world and maybe rewrite your own history.

All of you are here on the grounds of Iris Hill so close to perhaps confronting Melisande, whoever she is, perhaps confronting the count. You're here. They know you're here. They've sent assassins. They've sent cultists. go rest. Unfortunately, Atticus, as this eruption of brown smoke happens,

you know what's happening before it's too late. A sepia snake sigil has exploded. Or sepia. Sepia. Sepia. I knew it right when I said it oh god immobilizing you in this amber force field you will not age you will not breathe you will not grow hungry you will not sleep you will not

regain spells because you are now preserved in this state of animation for 10 days. What? And Matthew, Skid, Grant, and I will see you in Philly. Oh! I like playing this game Thank you New York Big cloud Eleanor Oh, no. you