The Glass Cannon Podcast - Strange Aeons Episode 34 – Fails from the Crypt

Episode Date: July 19, 2022

The boys made their fourth trip to the Paradise Rock Club in Boston for another raucous night of RPG absurdity. Dead Royal Accusers, dexterity drain, negative levels and a beautiful Irishman half-naked atop a bed of potatoes — this show had it all! Join Troy Lavallee, Joe O'Brien, Skid Maher, Grant Berger and Matthew Capodicasa as they tour the country playing the Lovecraftian Horror Strange Aeons Pathfinder Adventure Path. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/ovLXjqh21fs Recap 16:35 Gameplay 24:03 For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for exclusive content and benefits, subscribe today at patreon.com/glasscannon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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by most private insurance plans? Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit rebelsis.ca. Order up for Rebelsis. Washington! Woo! Hello, Boston!

Oh, my goodness. Can you believe this is our fourth visit to the Paradise Rock Club? And our fourth visit to the greatest city in the world. Fuck you, Tokyo. Fuck you, Paris. He tried to steal my beer. Take your Diet Coke. I'm not falling off the wagon for fucking Bud Light.

Two years sober. If you don't have a problem like me, tip your bartender and buy drinks. Thank you. Goodbye. The mighty, mighty boss tones may have broken up, but the mighty, mighty class tones May have broken up But the mighty mighty class tones Are stronger than ever As evidenced by this Fucking dog and pony show

Happening behind me What are you doing? Two years ago Almost to the day We came in here I mean literally almost to the day And I opened the show by saying, who's ready to get their coronavirus on?

In my defense, at that point, the word coronavirus had been said on TV like two or three times. Tops! I thought you were going to say, in my defense, there is no pitch too low that I won't take a swing at it. Well, listen.

It's two years later. A lot has changed. And although that shit's still clinging to the asshole of the globe like a half-discarded turd. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Can you feel it? Yep.

We need to get back to normal. But I promise you, when we return here to Boston, Joe will still be wearing a mask as a service to you, the customer, so you don't have to see his stupid Irish face. wearing a mask as a service to you, the customer, so you don't have to see his stupid Irish face, a head swollen

from a lifetime of bourbon and potatoes. Start young with the bourbon in my house. I was looking up Irish actors to make fun of you of and I saw a picture

of Michael Fassbender and I'm like oh he's got the same piercing blue eyes and I realize you look like Michael Fassbender's twin brother if his twin brother had a horrible allergic reaction to like a bee sting

and got hit in the face with a shovel. I could have made it. I could have made it big if it wasn't for that bee sting. Challed beer. So I promise you, pandemic or no, we will cover that face up when we come back. It is so good to be back home here in Boston amongst my people.

Now, normally this is when I make fun of the city that we're visiting, but I can't do that here amongst the good people of Massachusetts. No, no, no, no, no. For not only is this the greatest sports town in the world, but it is home to my favorite greatest sports town in the world, but it is home to my favorite type of person in the world.

The New England Townie. I love ya! I'm a nostalgic guy, and when I'm going out and getting some food, I close my eyes and everybody sounds like my cousin that I can't talk to anymore because of their political beliefs. This makes me feel like a kid again. Miss those cousins.

I miss those cousins before they develop the political consciousness. Miss those cousins before social media let me know what they really think. And also, show of hands, how many people went to Dunkey's today? If you're listening to the audio, over a hundred people just raised their hands. That's why I love this place so much. Sure, you're all a little racist.

But, actually no, you've got gotta work on that shit, Boston. Gotta climb out from under the cloud of your parents' ignorance. But your bigoted parents and your shitty public school education aside, I love you, massholes.

Whenever I come here, I feel like I'm home. Now I want to introduce you to four men who I would never invite in my home because I don't have a Yankee candle that can remove the stench of failure that follows their every step it's always there's always a laugh

and then a groan of sadness through the crowd when you introduce us. And I haven't even started. The night is young. Well, first I'd like to give it up for the only member of the Glass Cannon Network

who is an ardent Russian sympathizer, Matthew Capitacazza! You should have heard this guy on the drive up. He's got some far out ideas. I would just like to say, as I feel like I should say with every show we ever do, he's

joking. Someone could be watching this for the first time. Yeah, like, just for those of you who are listening later on and have no context, for everything he says, he's joking. For the NSA listening in on these shows,

he's joking. That's Capitacasa. What about for the Russians listening in? C-A-P-O-D-I Keep going You can't even spell his name That's a good sign You can't spell your name

Sorry There's some weird Russian letter in there Oh, that's Cyrillic Oh, why do you know that, Matthew? Oh, look who it is Look who it is Who's an expert on the Russian language all of a sudden? Comrade.

To be fair, every time I have to write your name, I do have to remember you telling me how many L's there were in it. Because I can't... Double L, double E. That's what I remember. And no Cyrillic. Is that what you called it? Is that what your people called it?

Speaking of Russia, next up is a man who is the Russia of the Glass Cannon Network because he's really big, nobody likes him, and he's a communist! Communist! Craig Berger, everybody!

How the hell are you, Boston? Oh, I love you, too. How are you doing tonight, buddy? I'm doing great because I walloped Matthew and Joe at Magic the Gathering in the pre-show. Green Dex, baby, plus three, plus three on all of my summon creatures, plus trample. Kill Joe in one shot. What was your reaction, Joe? Anger. Rage. Leaving the table. Tell Joe? Anger. Rage.

Leaving the table. Telling Grant to clean up my deck. A reaction I believe you would see at a lot of gaming stores from people that don't know how to act around other people. It wasn't just a walloping, Joe. I feel like he was toying. We don't have to get into it. I just feel like he was toying with us a little bit.

Yeah. It was the single largest outpouring of damage I'd ever heard of in the game of Magic the Gathering. And it's all because when we were picking up packages earlier today at the UPS store, I was going to pick up boxes, and Joe looked at me and was like, yeah, go ahead and take care of those, Grant. And he gave me this shit-eating grin. Like he was below me. Yeah. So I had to put him

in his place. It was great. I'm doing great. I love Boston. It's too cold here right now, though. Yeah, we drove up yesterday, Joe, Matthew, and I. We stopped at Treehouse on the way in. We always do. And we played this Magic the Gathering. If anyone here still lives in their parents' basement, perhaps you're familiar with it.

And I mean, I probably played 10 games in my life. Hadn't played in 30 plus years. Joe sits down and is like, I've played over 500 games of Magic and I've never won once. It's true. It's true. It's true. And then he proceeded to get beaten by Matthew and then me in the

second game. But folks, we gotta give it up for the next member of the network, a man whose fondest memories of Massachusetts are when he saw it far in the distance when sailing aboard the Mayflower. Give it up for old

kid Santa Maria Ma! I had to look through old Google Docs to make sure I hadn't made the Mayflower joke before. No, that's a new one. I would have remembered that one. Good. How are you, buddy? Are you enjoying your time here? I know you always have fun.

It's like coming back home for you, too. It is, yeah. I just love it here. I was in the Copley Plaza today. I was, yeah. I just love it here. I was in Copley Plaza today. I was walking in there. I realized the last time I was in here was 25 years ago. I went to Barnes & Noble, which I think it's been about as long since I've been in a bookstore. I bought a couple of baseball preview magazines.

I felt like I was 19 years old. It was the best feeling in the world. I felt like I was 19 years old it was the best feeling in the world I felt amazing it was great we went to the hotel bar last night

and Skid had on a fresh like University of Massachusetts shirt that looks like he was trying to like blend in

with the college crowd hello fellow kids would you like to play hacky sack on the qualm with the college crowd. Hello, fellow kids. Would you like to play hacky sack on the quad? Well, finally, I'd like to introduce you to a guy that we call the Tom Brady of the glass cannon network. Yes. Not because he's talented, charismatic, or a born winner. That's old Tom Brady.

He's more like current Tom Brady. Totally irrelevant. And like Tom Brady, he's never tried a strawberry. That's true. Deathly allergic to nightshade. We also have the same diet Tom Brady and I Yes

Sorry you haven't had a carb Since 2002 Yeah I couldn't even imagine Give it up for Boston Joe O'Brien Everybody Are you familiar with him? Boston

This guy Boston Joe Boston Joe Boston Joe Boston Joe It's Joe! Boston Joe! It's the original. The original. Yeah. Now you come to every town. It's Richmond Joe. It's Dallas Joe. It's this and that. But it all started here with Boston.

Actually, it started at my bachelor party when you got blackout drunk. And we just said, let's just call him Boston Joe. It was so funny. You were indistinguishable from everyone else at that ballpark. Everyone at Fenway looked exactly like Joe when he puts on that hat. Joe drove to my house yesterday morning, like 7 a.m., and he got out of the car and he had the hat on. I was like, here we go. Let's do this.

I'm going to get ramped up. Yesterday was a blast. We had a great day yesterday. Obviously we went to Treehouse and then we met up with the guys and these four clowns spent their one night in Boston going to the movies while your old buddy Troy went to the Celtics game by myself and had a

great time. The trainer came over to see me at the half, see if I wanted to get some minutes in. But I didn't want to show up my boy Tatum. I had also had 16 beers. Thought that might affect my step back jumper. Right.

In the interest of the Celtics. Right. You had to step back. It was a big game. I didn't want to cost him any points if I was a little wobbly. But you guys went to see the Batman last night. Let's spoil it for everybody

in the audience. Skid? Yeah. I think it was my favorite Batman movie ever. High praise from Skid. Yeah. I really loved it

I loved it so much Listen to Franchise Fan Guys on Tuesday We'll talk about it We saw it in IMAX And we were sitting right beneath the speaker That was playing the music The rear left surround speaker And the music is great

No spoilers But at the climactic moment, there's a big musical cue and Joe describing his emotional experience at that moment. Would you repeat what you said? Say what you did. When that thing happened and that music started to play, all I thought was...

I want him to kill every single person in that building. It got you so fired up. And you know, usually you're like, well, Batman doesn't go to the excessive of just killing people. He'll tie them up

so that they can face proper justice. And I was like, not tonight! And it was largely because it was like, wah! Wah! It was so epic and reverberating through you and you were like, murder everyone! Like it just made you crazy.

It was so good. I will say, though, reverberating through you and you were like, murder everyone! Like, it's making you crazy. It was so good. I will say, though, my experience, I came so dangerously close to my entire experience being ruined because the guy next to me, first, the guy and his friend

next to me were talking, like, the whole time. I thought you were going to complain about me being next to you. No, no, no. You were fine. And then,

it's just like, I'm just like, God, are they really going to talk the whole time? How can they talk the entire movie? And then he breaks out his phone and'm just like, God, are they really going to talk the whole time? How can they talk the entire movie? And then he breaks out his phone and starts recording the movie on his phone. A bootlegger?

He's a bootlegger? So, yeah. So, and I'm kind of proud of myself. I don't normally do this stuff. But I leaned over and said, excuse me, that's a little distracting. Do you mind? And he stopped. And I enjoyed the rest of the movie.

Wow. Very non-confrontational person as my friends can attest. And yet, I stood up for myself in that moment. And if Warner Brothers... Much like Batman himself would have done. Alright. You remind me of Batman. I was Batman

in that moment. Looking at your profile right now, I do see a significant... Is that Bruce Wayne over there? Let me ask you, did Batman score a triple-double 15 feet away from you last night? No.

Do something cool in Boston next time. Wait, I have a small child. I never get to go to the movies. That was the coolest thing I could think of our definition of cool has changed a lot just in the past couple of years cool is six and a half hours of sleeping we got a wild night ahead of us

we can sit here and bullshit all day but let's do it while we play Boston are you ready? time to get back in the groove again. Grant Borisberger. Take it to the recap. Yovle. Put your, put your, put your, put your, put your, put your.

Oh. Oh, strange hands. Oh. Nice. Faded into green smoke. Good cap. Good cap. Good cap graphic.

I say it a lot, but I think this is going to be a special night. Special and bad for you guys. Real bad. Our heroes up to this point have been through hell and back. Yet this adventure, I feel like it's truly about to begin tonight. Because we are going to have some big revelations. You think they caught that? See, if we were in the studio, if this was a podcast, you're like, stop.

And we would go back and redo it. You can't do that here. It's amazing. We're going to have some big revelations. And some showdowns that will shake our heroes to their very core. With still no idea of who they really are, our unlovable An unskilled band of misfits left the terrors of the asylum and came to the city of Thrushmore to try to find the man who put them there.

A man named Count Hazerton Lowles IV. Don't forget that name. He presides over this county where Thrushmore lies, and he left town unexpectedly, setting in motion a series of events that were quite

strange. Cultists of Hastur, the King and John, have taken up residence in town. They've been kidnapping and killing locals, using their blood to power portals to another world. The town magistrate has disappeared, and the soldiers at the town garrison were killed and brought back to life as juju zombies.

The royal accuser who came to town to investigate Laal's exit also disappeared, came to town to investigate Lyle's exit also disappeared. And somehow all of these events seem to be orchestrated by Lyle's assistant, a woman named Mellie Sen, who was put in charge of Lyle's estate at Iris Hill before he

left. Is this all part of Lyle's plan, Joe? Yes. Or is it Mellie Sen acting of her own accord? Yes. The Grant. I wasn't listening.

I know. You don't know. But you're in Iris Hill now. You're in the estate, in the mansion. You fought cultists, cannibal warriors. Otherworldly monsters. And last time you defeated a floating upper torso of a woman on bat wings. A creature known as a mononganol.

Mononganol. Mononganol. You moved. A rather interesting rug after the battle to find a secret hatch leading below Iris Hill. As you began your descent, you were set upon by the ghastly apparition of an old woman, an apparition you faced once before, the specter of a woman with tentacles growing out of her who reaches into your soul

to suck your charisma. You tried to attack her. Get back here. But her incorporeality made it difficult, but thankfully a liar, a fucking liar in the Richmond audience told you that a wand

of cure light wounds would hurt her because she was undead I allowed it because I was drinking but the apparition was in fact not undead his name was Randy and his address

is give me a second His name was Randy. Yes. And his address is... All right. Just give me a second. Thank you, sir. Thank you, sir. How do I find a crit from this area? In this digital sheet? Moron. Thankfully for you and this Russian spy, Randy,

the apparition floated away, but not before saying, Stay away from my crypts! So, after a brief yet passionate orgy with the aforementioned rug a rug floutist named Ichabod Douche Nozzle you descended

below the mansion to find a cramped dark space a wine cellar, a hallway leading to a room with a freshly lit lamp on the floor and several doors and passageways. Let us know when you're done. Okay.

This is for your sake as much as for theirs. If any of you ask me a question that was answered in this recap, you get negative one bottle caps. Now you'll fucking pay attention. I'm so scared.

Lost my place. You open one of these doors in the crypts. No, you open the of these doors in the crypts. No, you open the door and you find the crypts. Same crypts that this old woman mentioned. You see several sarcophagi surrounding the room. Some open, some closed. Burial recesses full

of urns in the walls. A great bas-relief of the face of Verazima covering the southern wall and to the north, the dead body of the royal accuser with a creature, this feminine looking figure standing over it, trying to communicate with the deceased using this odd metallic contraption. The creature turns to look to you, looking at you in a way as if she knows you and says the Count

should have killed you instead of sending you to that asylum and that you will not interfere with Mellie Sen's work anymore. Grant, let's go to the map. Oh, baby. Not fucking

around anymore. Look at this. That is what you see. Roll for initiative. Oh. Roll for initiative. Oh. Roll, Ricker, roll, Ricker.

Roll, Ricker, roll, Ricker. Roll for initiative. Ooh, baby. What did you get? Bungle B. Luna. Come back to me. It's just a D20. And you add your initiative.

What do I add? Aldo? 21 for Aldo Kizumia. Good roll. How surprised? Natural Twanzoni for a 23. Oh, starting off with a natural 20! Red hot.

Sir Julie Andrews. 11. Ooh. I rolled... That's middle of the road for Sir Julie. Okay. What about that's the middle of the road for Sir Julie okay what about old

Bungleby Luna I want to say something here we go truly I don't mean this to pander to the Boston crowd but

I love playing here. Especially at the Paradise. We've been here more than any other venue. And as I start to play this, I'm like, this feels like playing in our home game. Because it feels so familiar. And I'm so down and so excited

for tonight's session. Truly. It's so familiar. We love everybody that works here at the venue. We love all you guys. Tim, Tim up there. Cheers, guys.

Billy. Yep. Thank you, Paradise. Our friend Pat McGrath is here. Yeah, Pat McGrath is here. Randy. Randy's here. Not shitty Randy.

Not the communist Randy. Hi, Randy. No. All right. I got a 21. Okay. Whose initial bone is higher? My initial bone is a six.

I'm an eight. Okay. Okay. Don't worry, Skid. You'll still go first. I suspect. The most frustrating part is that he's right.

Alright, so look at this room here. Obviously it's pitch dark, but in addition to this lamp on the floor, some of you guys have also put some other lights. Halster cast light on Sir Julie's breastplate. I think Bunglebee's got some light.

He's got an iron torch, yeah. Allow me to finish. There's plenty of light in this room. However, Bunglebee, Luna, and Sir Julie are blocking the entrance. And it is Halster's turn. Well, there's one thing we've learned

about Grant Berger and about Halster that self-buffing is of the utmost importance. I'm out of spells right now, but I'm not out of potions of Bear's Endurance. Halster pulls out the potion of Bear's Endurance.

And it's gains an additional 14 temporary hit points, and takes a five-foot step forward behind Bungleby to create a shield wall upon which our enemies may dash themselves alongside the paragon of justice and goodness, Sir Juliantris. the paragon of justice and goodness, Sir Juliandrus. I can't see into the room,

otherwise I would like to do knowledge checks. I would like to do knowledge checks when I can see into the room. You can see past this tiny little halfling into the room. I'll give you the flavor text again. It's an elongated hall decorated throughout with finely wrought

phrasmin symbols. Phrasma is your John. From where you're standing, maybe you can't see the bas-relief of Phrasma's face, but you do see the burial urns and the recesses in the wall, and you see several sarcophagi. Some of

them are open, some of them are not. Maybe you can even see past Sir Julius' stupid head to the dead body of the royal accuser. This makes Halster a little randy. Not communist randy. Like, phrasma randy. His nipples are hard. And he's like, oh, this is an auspicious place. And the scarified spiral that's on the back of his neck just starts pulsing.

Ka-choo. Ka-choo. Ka-choo. And the scarified spiral that's on the back of his neck just starts pulsing. Gajook, gajook, gajook. And the juice that he felt, though he knows not where it's from, is similar to how he felt when he used to torture people in his past. I felt that pulsing all night while I tried to sleep after 4,000 beers. So I know that feeling. It is my turn. Let's say... Oh, man. This is going to be interesting.

I'm only going to get one attack. I ended the show saying I was coming for Bunglebeam, but now I'll do whatever I want. So I... Oh, man. I am going to slide up right in front of Sir Julie. And you see the... Hello.

The sort of shroud in front of her face begin to drop. And the face that you see behind it is not of this world. Oh. And she goes to bite you. Oh. Okay. Tweeter.

33 to hit. Yes. Troy's gonna roll. Troy's gonna roll. Troy's gonna roll. You're totally screwed. A couple things are gonna happen. First, the regular damage. Six points of regular.

And then how about some sneak attack damage since you're flat-footed? That'll be 11, 12, 13, 16. 20 points of sneak attack damage. Oh. Jesus Christ! And then go ahead and give me a fortitude save, Sir Julie. This doesn't

make any sense. Doesn't make any sense! Oh! Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Here we go. Here we go. Cobalt press at work over there. Frog God Games gives me a plus two to my fortitude save. I'm going to invoke Cobalt press at work over there Frog god games

Give that plus two To my fortitude set I'm going to invoke my inspired ability To re-roll that Is that a swifty or an immediate? It is If it's immediate you can't do it Free action

Oh Alright so shut up. Okay, that's better. 23. Crap! You take one point of Dex Drain. Oh, wow. Wow.

I wish you had failed. So one point of Dex Drain and shit ton of damage. Yeah, no kidding. That's the best thing for Sir Julie to lose, though, out of all the statistics. It could have been drained. I mean, it does hit my AC. Charisma would be better.

Yep. Yep, yep, yep. Not for me. Better than Khan, but making you easier to hit. But now, it is Bungleby Luna's turn. Bungleby, you see this creature come up and take a bite out of Sir Julie as you break your computer

like a fucking amateur. Skid, quick, sing a tune. Uh, hey, my Sharona. Bum, ba-na-na, bow. It's appropriate for this dungeon. My Sharona. Dum-dum-dum-dum-dum. We're back. Okay, good. It's appropriate for this dungeon. We're back. Okay, good.

I kind of want to hear My Sharona now. It's a good song. No, this is more appropriate. What do you do, Bungle B? It's time to dance with whatever this thing is. Okay, let's do it. I think in five shows, you have yet to land a hit with this character. I know.

I just love the picture. It's like, nah, let's dance. And he's going to do something that's going to fail spectacularly. It's going to be really funny. Watch. Natural two or something. I hate all of you. All right. Here we go.

All right. He is going to try to stab this creature. He's got these daggers. He's going to try to stab this creature. Okay. This first hit is very important. Here we go. Here we go. Tell them what they got

I don't even know I'm not doing it 14 to hit God Second Oh this is horrendous It's a natural three by the way So second attack.

I mean, it makes all the difference. And everything is screwed now. That is a 19 to hit. That, too, is a miss. Unfortunately, we'll see you next round. If you're still with us. I will take a five-foot step. Into the room?

Into the room next to the kitchen. Okay, yeah, you want to get that flank situation. Well, I just need a... Yeah, I was like... Believe me, I had my plan. If I just hit... What did Mike Tyson say? Everyone has a plan until you're hit in the face.

Or if you're born Joe O'Brien. Mike Tyson said that. That's the old Mike Tyson quote. It is now Aldo Casimir's turn. And Aldo, your friends are in a fight up there. You just were told by Ichabod Douche Nozzle that he fucked Big P upstairs. And then he went back up to do God knows what.

What do you do? Aldo, so he hears like, he's in the hallway kind of like south of here just around the corner. So he hears the beginnings of combat. And he thinks, oh, Crocky!

He says, hold on, Luna. As he cups the goiter, the spiky goiter in his neck, he turns around and he pulls out. He's almost out of everything. He has two bombs left. He has no spells. He's almost out of everything.

So he takes out a special concoction that he doesn't use very often and he chugs it. A mutagen. Mutagen. Boosting his dexterity at the expense of his wisdom. Ah, okay. So you've done this before.

These are your steroids. Yes. Alchemist roids. Yep. Okay, so you've done this before. These are your steroids. Yes. Alchemist roids. Yep. Okay, so you take a drink. Do you want to move it all, or was the drawing of the mutagen your move action? I believe that is a standard action, so he is going to move up sort of behind best friend and Sir Julie. Okay.

Diagonally north of Halster, ten feet behind Sir Julie. Let's keep it going here with Sir Julie. Big turn here, Sir Julie. Big turn. You took a big bite out of me. Yeah, it was like a third of your hit points, right? Yeah, it was painful. Yeah.

Okay, so swift action. I'm going to smite evil. Yeah. Yes. Okay. So swift action. I'm going to smite evil. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Wait. Wait. Is this creature evil?

I don't know. I have to take the chance. It's definitely evil. Troy, I need you to answer the following question. Okay. Actually, we'll wait to see if I hit you. Okay. I'm going to take an attack.

Power attack. Furious focus. Furious focus. Great sword. Two hands. Highest attack bonus on the first attack. Fuck. That drew an F-bomb out of Matthew. Wow, he never does that.

He never does that. You're a father. He's a father now. Come on. 20 to hit. Yes. Such a bad start. Well, I'm glad you guys buffed.

That's good. That's good. Take your second attack with a lower to hit. 24 to hit. Ooh. Ooh. What'd you roll to hit? 16.

Okay. That is a hit. Nice. Okay. Now, I need you to to hit? 16. Okay. That is a hit. Nice. Okay, now I need you to answer the following question. Okay. Is this creature an outsider with the evil subtype, an evil-aligned dragon, or an undead creature?

It's an outsider with the evil subtype. Wow. Wow. Amazing! Wow. Oh, my god. So I just want to... I rolled 2d6 plus 25 on this hit.

And I rolled two ones. Yes. 27 points of damage. That's still very good. Still pretty good. Next time, don't tell me it was snake eyes. Everyone would cheer. Yeah, I know.

Sorry to bring the room down. 27 points of damage. We go to round two. I'm not done. Oh, let him finish, Troy. I take a five-foot step back. Ah. Colin!

And then Sir Julie very calmly takes one hand off the great sword and goes... Oh! Oh, yeah. Interesting move. Round two. Halster's turn.

Halster, you have an opening here now that Sir Julie has cowardly moved back and Bungleby has bravely moved into the room. Braveleby has bravely moved into the room. Bravely, but stupidly moved into the room. Did your answer to his question about an evil outsider undead preclude the idea that this creature could be undead? Is it not undead? You could roll a knowledge check. Knowledge religion?

Would that be applicable here? Yes. Sure. Well, it's an outsider, so it might be planes. 23. Okay. You don't feel like you're dealing with an undead situation. This is just fun.

Halster's taking Sir Julie's lead. Sees the beckoning hand jester come out. Halster's going to hold to see what the creature does. Maybe leaving Bungleby in the lurch. Yeah, you know exactly what the creature's going to do. Smash Bungleby's face! I just have to see, Joe. There's a plan from our leader.

Everyone has a plan until he gets hits in the face. Right. Or something else that made fun of Drew. It is the young woman's turn. Bungleby, you're standing right there and you see Sir Julie's wound start to close on the creature, start to heal itself.

Fast healing witch! Oh, see? And then it will take a five foot step behind, excuse me, five foot step right behind you and do a full attack. I will move into flanking with the creature on Bungleby. Perfect. You wait. Wait until

I kill him. Whoa, whoa, whoa. He just likes optimization, regardless of the circumstance. No, no, no. I'm attacking Bungleby. Yeah, no, that makes sense. Alright, let me take my attacks andungleby. Yeah, no, I make sense. All right, let me take my attacks

and then you start. Nothing would throw her off more. Yeah. What a turn. What a heel turn in Boston. Oh, my God! Halster's gone heel!

Pandemonium! Havlicek steals it! All right, Bungleby, let's see if you can handle three attacks. I got you. I'll start with... I got you. You can't do it, man. I'm going to start with claw.

And I'm going to start with a bite. Let's do a bite. Not concerned. Okay. This is going to be a 23 to hit. Why don't you just miss? Oh! Dodge is out of the way. Don't look at my sheet. I get that privilege. How do you got a 23 AC? I don't know. I'm looking at it right now. I don't understand it. Look at your adjustments. What do you have

on there? Did you cast any spells before you came down here? What is Randy making your character sheet? Just haste, but we already cast that. I'm just kidding. It's a miss. It's a miss. Okay. You've got to try harder. That's cool. I didn't think you were going to lie in front of your favorite fan base, but

here comes the claw. First claw. Miss then. He's little. Slightly. Final attack. Oh, you already missed a second attack? Let's go. You shut up!

29 to hit. Yeah, it's gonna do it. Wait! You feel like you are Obviously making contact With Bungleby when suddenly He seems to split In two Fantasia?

As an immediate action When you are hit by a melee attack You can create a duplicate of yourself as mirror image. What is your archetype? Don't worry about it 50%, John. Wait, is it 51 or higher as a hit or a miss? 51 or higher as a hit,

I'll roll it right here so you can watch it with your stupid blue eyes. Oh, that's a miss. Boston Joe. Boston Joe. Boston Joe. Yeah, baby. Boston Joe. All right.

That hits the shadow duplicate and it vanishes. All right, so dupe comes out, it hits the dupe, and then it vanishes. No damage taken. No damage taken. It is Bunglebee's turn.

Can you answer back? Um, no. Get in here! He is going to... Well, this is tough. Filled with a party of cowards. Any chance you want to go, Halster? Any chance, right now, you want to go?

I'm cool! Any chance right now you want to go? I'm cool. Any chance you want to move into attacking range and attack this creature so I can flank it? I'm cool. Just give us a moment. Please. Can you please help me?

Help me help you. Help me help you. Help me. Nah. Friends like these. All right. Then I will attempt an acrobatics, John, to flank the creature with no one. Okay? You want to get to the other side so that your allies could potentially move into

a position that's more advantageous for you. So you're going to try to move through the creature's space. No, around the creature. Yeah. Thank you, 58 people that at the same time were like, Troy is so weirdly dumb. Yeah, so I'm going to move around the creeps. So just against

CMD. Here we go. This is risky. Horrific! All horrific. That is a 21. Alright, so do I get to attack you or you just add your move? Yes. I'm going to bite you because that does extra stuff if I hit.

I've got to stop using the die. I love that die. Here we go. Boop. Ah, 22. Yes! Misses! Let me ask you this. Does your ace, does your, are you flat-footed when you try to move through that space by using acrobatics?

Oh, moving along. You mean when I'm doing the acrobatics trying to get around you, am I flat-footed? I'm just trying to get anything. I will come around so Bungleby puts himself between this creature and the back wall, looking past the creature at all of his friends in the hallway. He's so brave.

Come on in, baby! House or we'll act? Well, I had to finish my turn because you just held. So let me just do an attack. One attack against her. Natural two. I've rolled natural two, natural three, natural four, natural eight. That's it.

Oh, it's going to roll. Get ready for the last one. But he is in a potential flanking position should any allies move into the room. But, yeah, now this creature can also, like, five foot step up. It could get awkward. All right, here we go. Your turns take so long,

and nothing happens. Yeah. But they're entertaining. Right? Boston Joe! Thank you, thank you. I imagine this is what it's like to make love to you. I'm going to do an acrobatics check to get around back.

I wish I hadn't imagined it. Get out of there! Did you want to jump in? Halster will act, but he does a demurring gesture towards Sir Julie in case she would like to take the flanking position. I have to wait for my turn. Okay. Why don't you take the flanking position?

Because with my Smite Evil, I get some nice bonuses to hit. Excellent. It's Aldo's turn, so if you want to jump it, you can. I'm jumping right now, and I'm taking an attack, one single attack of this creature. Let's see what happens. Oh, that's a 26 to hit. Yep. Awesome.

Add the sneak attack damage you get now that you're flanking. Oh, wait. I forgot. It would have been the same thing if you moved up earlier. Joe, make... Silly me. So dumb. You rolled a natural three with every attack.

Yeah, that's true. I still would have gotten zero damage. And maybe if you were nicer to me and didn't tell me to open doors all the time, I would have helped you. But you've been mean to me for all my life. You got you there. Here's ten points of damage. That was the rat. He's frozen.

Ten points of damage. Yeah. I love it when they fight with each other. That's when you know you got it. That's when you know you got it. That's when you know you got it. The player infighting. All right. It is Aldo's turn.

All right. Aldo. So, you know, when he takes the mutagen, his body contorts in a disturbing like and he's lost a little bit of his mind as he moves with disturbing grace past Sir Julie like presses against the wall to get past her

and he looks at this entity and he says I hope you're not getting blowed up! That's amazing. So you're going to drop the bomb on it? He's going to throw a bomb. Okay.

Hey! Candy for the crowd! Kit Kat in the face! Natty 17. That is a surefire hit against Touch AC. All right, so you're going right after her. All right, and this is fire damage? That is fire damage.

How much fire damage? That is 14 points of fire damage. Thanks. And zero to the other people in the blast radius, given they were all allied with me, and I like them. Okay, very interesting here. Very interesting. Sir Julie, you are up. You're

ten feet away from being able to make an attack on this creature, which means you'll only get one attack. And you've proven useless thus far. What do you do? I'll move up ten feet and take a swing. Okay. Power attack, furious focus. Power attack, furious focus.

Are you going to lie about your to hit this time, or are you going to give me the real numbers? I told you the real numbers. Okay, just checking. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. Natural five. Twenty to hit. At least you're honest It is now

Round three And it is The creature's turn This Extra planer Oh wait can I talk to her for a minute? Sure Do I have to role play?

A little Okay Do we have the honorplay? A little. Okay. Do we have the honor of addressing Madam Medicine? Now. Now she's going to take a five-foot step. You just can see how Troy LaVallee, like, just dude that loves the Celtics from Boston,

just disappears when he enters the body and mind of an NPC. Into the character. You can see that Ivy League acting training. It's like magic. What they teach you at Columbia. It's nothing I can teach. I'd like to speak to Melisande now. Is Melisande here with us?

Am I talking to Melisande now? If you could have dinner with any celebrity. All right, so she says no. And then she slides down next to Halster, and she's going to do a five attack. Someone from the crowd said burn damage. Is she on fire? Yes, she's on fire.

Scared, is she? It sounded a little bit like, sure, she's on fire. Yes, she is on fire. That sounds good. Security, have that. Six points of burn damage. Yes! Yes!

Is it Alicia Keys? Because she's on fire. This girl is on fire. All right, well, same thing, Halster. You notice that where the wound that was opened up from this bomb is starting to close a little bit. Five foot step, full attack on Halster, having seen that Bungleby lied about his AC. Let's see

if you do as well. Okay. We'll start with the bite. 23 to hit. That's a hit. Okay, that's going to be four points of damage. Give me a fortitude save. Okay. I'm worried about this fortitude save.

Here it comes. Okay. I'm worried about this fortitude save. Um, here it comes. Uh, 17. Fail. So whereas Sir Julie only took one point of dex drain, you take five points of dex drain.

Oh. As this bite just saps your jaw. Dude, that is no joke. You will be dealing with that in book three. This is awful. Yeah, Drain is five points of Drain.

You should just kill your character as soon as possible. Seriously, jump off a cliff and build a new one. Kill yourself now and roll up something else. I mean, it'll still probably be more effective than any of the characters you make, Joe. That is true.

Oh! I was offering honest advice. Would you care for some aloe vera, Joe? Because I believe that burned. You're getting into the dad humor. Nice work. I know.

Nice work. Be careful. The Irish burn easily. They're a fair-skinned people. Here we go. So claw number one is going to be a gentleman's 31 to hit. Hold on. I got to reduce.

Yeah. With your reduced AC, does that 31 sneak past the goal? Yeah, it does. Just past security. Does that get past Shuka? Three points of damage on the claw, and then the final claw is another hit, 28, and only another three points. Okay. Good round.

Feeling good. For my creature. Did you add the flanking bonus I offered you? I didn't need it, but I'll add it next round. But no, I would get sneak attack. Nah, forget it. It is now Bunglebee's turn. Bunglebee, what do you want to do here? You got a sweet opportunity

here, Bunglebee. what do you want to do here? You got a sweet opportunity here, Bungleby. He does, he does. Yeah, I'd love to... I was trying to find a way to get the two attacks off, but I can't see it. Well, yeah. All right, I will move around into a flanking position.

And I don't believe I can do it without rolling acrobatics. Sure you can. Sure you can. You can't? No, because of my tiny legs. Oh, right. My move speed is one square too shy.

So yeah, acrobatics check. Here we go. Absolutely brutal. Brutal. Oh, there we go. 33 against CMD. You're okay. Okay. Swabba! He flips into position, pulls out this dagger.

Jackson into her back! Not that one. Come on. 22? 24? Because of the flanking. Hit. Yes!

There we go. All right. A hit Yes! All right. A hit. A fine hit. A palpable hit. A palpable hit. That is going to be Max on the John die. Oh my God!

That's not even English. I know. This show is going to be more and more incomprehensible to anyone outside of us. It's getting out of control. Does he have jaundice? What's going on here?

25 points of damage. Yes! Sorry. That is incorrect. 22 points of damage. And then I will gather

Sorry. I just need a minute. Is it 22 points of damage? It is. It is. What's all this extra nonsense? This is what we call foreplay, Troy. You were thinking about what it was like to make love to Joe earlier.

And this is a lot of it. I can't unsee it. With a... Having done... Just him in a diaper on top of a bed of potatoes. Picture it! Right now, all of you! Slowly decomposing like that Britney Spears Rolling Stones cover but it's you and potatoes

as a result of taking this dagger in the back she becomes or the creature becomes disoriented and takes a minus two to all attacks. Nice. Alright, what was that

ability? Debilitating injury. When you succeed at a sneak attack, you can make an opponent disoriented. Minus two to attack. Alright, keep me honest about that minus two. I will put a fist symbol near her head. Minus two. That's All right, keep me honest about that minus two. I will put a fist symbol near her head. Minus two.

That's the fist of the minus two. The fist of the minus two. You found the mighty fist of the minus two. I love that anime. Look to the fist of the minus two. You're already dead. It was a weird translation. I think it was a bootleg.

It was a bad translation. The fist of the minus two? That can't be right. They call it something it actually is. I think it was a bootleg. It was a bad translation. Minus two? That can't be right. They call it something different. Yeah, I think. I don't know.

Halster, you're up. Halster is going to five foot step to open up the flanking position for Sir Julie and hope that he can hit without aforementioned

advantage of flank. That is going to be a 17 to hit. Grant, Joe and I are very disappointed in you. What happened? We expected more from you as the man who won the Magic game. I blew all my load

on that Magic game. He thought about not saying it and then just said it anyway. I've had all this foreplay with Joe on the cover of Rolling Stone on a bed of potatoes. Did you hit? I don't think a 17 hits, so no. Oh, okay. No, that's a miss.

Is that all you got? That's it. Okay. He did his best. I got a lot going on back here. Including dealing with four nincompoop players. It is now... I'm so lost.

It is Aldo's turn. Aldo. Jeez. Yeah, okay. Aldo will again creepily just sort of like, I think he contorts his body like a

contortionist and sort of like slides through between Sir Julie's legs and onto the other side of her and he like pops up with his hand still on between Sir Julie's legs and onto the other side of her. And he like pops up with his hand still on Werner's sack in his neck.

He's just like, I think we've got it. I think we've got it, Werner. Yeah, yeah. Throws it over. Yeah! That is a 90-15. That is a 90, 15. That is a 20 against Touch. I see.

That is a hit. Yeah. Oh, did we do burn damage on her turn? Oh. That was her turn. No, no, she did on her turn. That is 17 points of fire damage. 17 points of fire damage?

Yep. Still up. Still. That was my last bomb of the day. Whoa. Okay. It's going to be interesting here. Sir Julie has the opportunity to now take a five-foot...

That's your last bomb of the day. That's it. We haven't rested, and I like throwing bombs. Oh, baby. All right, good. I feel like there's balance to this character. Yeah. All right.

Sir Julie's going to take a five foot step, full attack. First attack. Okay. Natural two. Yeah! Oh, come on! Okay, second attack. Yes, I'm trying.

Natural 5. Oh, come on! We are counting on you. But I do it really menacingly. The shroud falls from her face. And you see this. Sorry, I had to work quick. I didn't have time to add the potatoes.

Try not to get too turned on, Boston. He still sleeps with a Teletubby, just like that. Just imagine that leather couch. You would be looking at the Teletubby in that picture. I love you, Joe. It's Tinky Winky. Yes. All right.

Guys, can we be serious now? All right. Man, I wish I had somebody to flank with. Must be nice. This is a pickle here. You guys are kind of shitty.

So I feel like I might be able to do something interesting here. Oh, four more points of burn damage. Right. Four more points of burn damage, and then again you see that healing of the wounds. Oh, actually, depending on what effect this is, might the burn prevent it. You do not notice that. So you're like, okay, not dealing with a regeneration situation.

So she's not a troll. You can rule that out. We're very gradually winnowing down our options here. We're very gradually figuring out what this thing is. She's not a troll! She's not a troll!

There's only one troll in this room. Burn it! Burn the witch! Alright. Guys, can we be serious for a second? Alright, here's what I'm going to do. This is a bold move. Unfortunate favors the bold. Fuck, you're all on top of her.

Shit. Cock. Fucking shit. All right. I can do one of two things. This is bad news. Why don't you go do some bad Photoshop instead? You do a Photoshop live.

Challenge accepted. Okay. Let's see what he comes up with. I don't have Photoshop on this computer. Oh. All right. I want to hurt somebody. Yeah, I'm thinking about going after Halster.

Side of you on, sir. But I mean, man, if you get hit by that bite again and take another five points of dex, you're going to be limping around the rest of the dungeon. What I would like to do is... It's like you when you wake up after the Celtics game. Should have seen me at lunch. Is take some decks away from these two here.

Sir Julie in particular. Lower that AC. But you have a good Fortitude save, whereas Bunglebee's Fortitude, middling. You've probably eliminated the extent to which Sir Julie benefits from Dexterity bonuses to AC based off of her heavy armor. So I would go after Bungleby. I would too, but Bungleby's tough to hit.

So you are batting 1,000 this show. Crushing it. All right, she is going to five-foot step to get away from Sir Julie. I mean, it doesn't really matter because Sir Julie can just five-foot step up and miss her two attacks when it comes back to her. Aww. She's been ice cold. I am going to bite, or attempt to bite Bunkle. I don't know what your AC is, but...

Here we go. Neon green. A couple neon green fans. Thanks. Natural 20. I feel it coming I feel it It's an icky feeling In my tummy I know

Doing sound check And it's just like 20 Oh man Cracked eye And it was on a 20 I should have just left him You don't know what's going on back here

Grant does Okay I think I got you, buddy. That is a 31 to hit. Minus two. Okay, 29. Does a 29 hit your tiny, shitty halfling?

Yeah, it does. And I'm going to do the same thing again and split in two. So 50% mischance. Okay. same thing again and split in two. So 50% mischance. God, this goddamn dex is going to make me want to quit. 61.

Fuck yo dupe. A couple things are going to happen. Let's start with the basic damage. A gentleman's four. Now give me a fortitude save for your dex-based character that's about to lose at least one, if not six, points of dex. God, this is so bad. Yep.

Ask Halster. He feels terrible. Yeah. I don't really use dex. You didn't care when he got hurt. Okay. Yeah, I thought I had one. I. I don't really use Dexter. You didn't care when he got hurt. Okay. Yeah, I thought I had one. I guess I don't.

I really think... All right, here we go. Come on, buddy. Come on, buddy! Yes! Oh, the biggest roll of the night so far. 22. All right, you'll take one point of Dexter.

Huge. Huge. Huge. Huge. 22. Alright, you'll take one point of dexterity. Huge! Huge! Huge! Huge! Does that affect that one point? Yeah, with drain it does. Alright, so that will F you up a little bit, but at least it's not five points of drain like Drainy McGillicuddy

over here. That's what they call him. Let's do a couple claws, and the claws are coming at Halster because you're an easy target. First attack is a 24 to hit. Hit. Second attack is a minus 222. Still hit.

And then the second one is a 24. These won't be a lot of damage, unless I rule really well. It is going to be total 10 points of damage on those claws rule really well, it is going to be total 10 points of damage on those claws. Okay. So, this creature is doing pretty decent.

But, you have her against the ropes. Round four. Actually, we're already in round four. Bungleby Luna. What do you do? Bungleby Luna, five foot steps into a flanking position with Halster. And and will attack twice albeit with a reduced hit now

because of the deck strain here we go first attack come on Bungleby critical threat yes critical threat critical threat critical threat

17 to confirm. Does not confirm. Not confirmed. No, he says angrily. That is... Oh, wow, terrible roll. 15 points of damage. Okay, are you counting sneak attack damage?

I am. Okay, one thing I forgot. She cannot be flanked? No, she can be flanked, but there's a 50% chance to negate sneak attack damage. So give me a 50% roll to see if I don't take that sneak attack damage. In fact, give me two, and I'll give myself some hit points back from your previous sneak attack damage. That sounds like a classic hand-off-the-chest-beat situation there. Yeah.

Well, when you GM your own live show, you can do what you want to. So what do I need to roll? To keep the damage, I need to roll 51 or higher. Give me a 51 or higher, and then I'll take the full 15. 52.

Oh! Okay. Now give me another one for the previous damage. I don't remember what it was. No, no, no, no. I'm from here! No.

34. It's a miss. Ooh, okay. So she's still up. But you have another attack. I do have another attack. Let's just try to finish her off right here. Still, Flanky, let's go. Come on, Bungles! That is a 23. That is a hit.

Yes! 50% John on the sneaky. 49! No! Awful! Awful. That is 12 points of damage. 12 points of damage.

She starts to crumble to the floor. she starts to crumble to the floor. And as she starts to crumble... As she starts to crumble, he drops both daggers and slowly walks away. Knowing nothing bad will happen. Bungle B. Knowing the combat is over as she starts to crumble the shroud covering her face begins to fall and again you just see this is not a woman at all this is something from another world and she's smiling and she says I will see you again. Oh, come on.

When I reform on Lang. Oh. And she dies and just fucking turns into dust. Alright! Wow. Yeah!

I made something for you, Troy. Oh, amazing! Look at it, right through his legs! Look at it! It's pretty good. Pretty good. Pretty damn good. You should get a bottle cap. Caps!

Bottle cap! Bottle cap! No, no, no. We don't do those anymore. Be sure to buy some bottle caps before you leave, though. For those of you listening... My fielding was about before you leave, though. For those of you listening... My fielding was about as good as Billy's. For those of you listening on audio,

to whom we should also cater, Matthew has deftly photoshopped Troy's face onto Bill Buckner's body as he allows Mookie Wilson's grounder to roll past him, allowing the Mets to advance to Game 7 of the World Series in 1986. I can't believe any... Why was anyone cheering? Big Mets crowd here.

A lot of Mets fans here. A lot of fans of the Amazons here. If there were any baseball to be played this year, we could prove you wrong. There are so many strange creatures in this place. What is happening here? I don't know, but Sir Julia is staring at her greatsword. The Dawnflower

clearly did not want me to hit. Except for that one time when I dealt massive damage and it really hurt. This is not a place of power for the Dawnflower, but it is a place of journeys, of moving from one plane to another.

It's Phrasma's realm here. Looks around at the giant bas-relief and begins to investigate the room. Moving to the body that's there. I think there are a lot of funeral rites performed by priests of Phrasma's guiding people's souls or encouraging them to be taken to the next realm they need to go to. And I feel like Houser is drawn to this body for that reason and wants to inspect it. You go to the body and you see there's like two metal plates about 10 inches on each side, square plates, brass colored, maybe metal with rubber edges and screws like clamped around the head of the royal accuser.

And then there's like in the top plate a fleshy tube that ends in a suction cup with tiny teeth that are like stuffed in the mouth of Omari. that are like stuffed in the mouth of Omari. And so the creature was trying to communicate with the dead body using this strange otherworldly device. Is there a... Halster wants to use the device to try to communicate with it if he knows this. Is there like a heal check I could roll or no? Give me a spellcraft check. Okay, I'll do my best. Can I aid?

Can I aid? I have 11. I don't aid. Natural 1. God! No. Tonight is not my night. Ice cold. Ice cold. I could, let me try. No. I mean, I don't want to like step on any

toes here, but as I have pointed out, this magical headband has expanded my mind into regions that yours, of lesser beings, let's be honest, could never possibly comprehend. So let me give it a shot. I'm just trying to be helpful. Ah!

a shot. I'm just trying to be helpful. That is a 25 spellcraft. Oh, that'll do. Nice. So, this is a contraption known as a confabulation plate.

They are created by these extraterrestrial scientists who like dwell in the dark tapestry known as Mego. And they allow you to communicate with things that are not typically able to speak, like plants or dead people. And so next to the base of the tube that's attached into Omari's mouth, there's like a winding key that can power the device and a toggle switch that you could choose between two things, but it's in this

alien language you can't read. Right now it's... Suck and blow. I do have two spells remaining for the day. One is monkey fish, which I may never use.

The other is comprehend languages. Oh! Okay. So you want to cast it? Yes. He plucks out a never used little vial from his potion belt.

And he says, let me give this another shot. Sucks it down. As his eyes adjust, he looks at the text. Yeah, so it's like this alien language of symbols, and things don't even look like letters. But as this mutagen or extract, whatever it is, starts to make its way and course through your body,

the shapes start to move in a way that lets you see what it says. And it basically is like plant or fucking. Animal or mineral? Plant or, how did it go? Plant or person, basically. It's a rough translation. Yeah, it's a rough. It's really tough. It's a rough translation. Yeah, it's a rough. It's really tough.

It's a dialect. It's idiomatic, I think. Yeah, basically dead or plants. Ah. Have you ever played that old children's game, Dead or Plants? What if it's a dead plant? Yeah. The device explodes.

Killing all of you. Probably, you're smart enough, unlike your companions, to power it up if you want to. You know, because your spellcraft was so high that you can, like, wind this key for a minute, and it basically works like speak with so high that you can, like, wind this key for a minute.

And it basically works like speak with dead. So you could ask it two questions. Fuck yeah. All right. So, and because of his currently lowered wisdom, he doesn't even stop to think of, like, any possible repercussions or ask for other opinions. He just says, oh, yes, let's hear what he has to say and just yeah just starts turning the key and uh yeah all right so you start turning the key it's like a child's music box and eventually the key starts winding on its own and you step back and it keeps spinning and whirring. And the eyes of Accuser Omari open, but there are no irises there.

It's just white. And you see the mouth moving. Oh, man. What two questions do you want to ask? I'm going to... Skid, you have a classic question for a situation like this. You once gave it as advice to Joe. That's right.

I think that would be applicable. With permission, I am going to ask my standard question. Okay, this will be your first question. Okay. What's your deal? This is advice for anyone out there in a similar situation. Anyone struggling, like I have. Anyone struggling?

With speak with dead. Yeah. You just ask, what's your deal? What's your deal? It covers everything. Tons of ground. What's your deal? What's your deal?

It covers everything. Tons of ground. So, what's your deal? The key is still spinning. The eyes are just whites. And the mouth is moving. She says, I'm dead.

And you have one more question. That's her deal. She's dead. So we know that Amari went to the Sleepless Detective Agency to try to figure out what was going on. And we know that Amari intended to take Winter to Briarstone, then to Iris Hill to speak with Lau, but instead went straight to Fort Halecourse and was never found again. I don't know if that's helpful in any way,

but what went wrong, what happened at Fort Halecourse, is the question that I would think might make sense. Yeah, what happened? What happened at Fort Halecourse? What have you learned, also, Kendi? What did you learn when you went there to Fort Hale course? Don't even be specific. No, no, no.

This isn't my question. This is like our question. But like what happened here also would be a good question. What's going on here? What have you learned? Yeah. So again,

white's the eyes and the mouth is moving. The key is spinning, creating this whirring sound underneath everything and she speaks A magistrate Padgett sent for me

Lals was embezzling money from the crown to feed his obsession with something. I was sent by the government to investigate. The sleepless detective agency apprised me of the situation. me of the situation. I organized two parties.

One led by a sister of the Maidens Choir Cathedral. A woman named Winter Klaxa. She would go to investigate Briarstone Asylum.

And then I and my party asked for an audience with Melisen Kororo and that request received no answer

the detective Renz warned me about the shady reputation of Ulaal's minions and the danger that invading Iris Hill might pose. So I decided to go to Fort Hailcourse in order to force my inspection and enlist the support of the stubborn constable who was left in charge after Padgett disappeared. When I went to the fort we were allowed in and we were ambushed and overwhelmed.

After a brief, bloody battle, we were killed. I watched my companions die before my eyes, and then the lights went out. And the winding stops and the white eyes disappear and she goes dead again. So, nothing. I think... So we got nothing. So we got nothing. We got everything that Grant just read from his notes.

Yeah, I had the winter clacks apart in there too from earlier episodes. It's the worst thing in the world. Speak with Dead. It never works. It works plenty of times, but rarely with Troy. Well, Speak with Dead can't tell you what happened after she died. Yeah, understood. She can only know. But there's a chance that she was, like, drug before the king of all Johns, and then, like, was questioned and then died, but that didn't happen.

No. She died in the lobby. Well, she also, she could have been a little more forthcoming about what her deal was. I agree. That was a very limitedcoming about what her deal was. I agree. That was a very limited scope of what her deal was. Yeah. It was a little like lowest possible effort kind of answer. Does she have anything interesting on her person?

She's dead, Matthew. That's why I'm asking. Yeah, that's what we normally steal from is dead people. I wouldn't take from the living. Yeah, that's what we normally steal from as dead people. I wouldn't take from the living Sir Julius Paragon of goodness. Right, exactly. She does it, but luckily you're in a crypt, so you can grave rob. Go for it. Let's do it.

Bunglebee proceeds accordingly. Grave robbing montage. It's going to be a grave rob passed upon of no return alright so as that music kicks in and you're just we play Jane

we're just like tearing through the town just like spilling in riches necklaces rubies look what I found. All right, as a head falls off a body. Oops.

The dead aristocrats still in the sarcophagi were buried with jewels and other precious trappings, rings, necklaces, circlets, scepters. Total of 4,500 gold pieces. Oh, that's good. You got that, Grant? You want to write that down? Oh,500 gold pieces. Oh, that's good. You got that, Grant? You want to write that down? Oh, I got it. 4,500. You see, it looks like the crypt

holds members of the Lawless family that died since the foundation of Iris Hill. So two generations prior to Hazerton Lawless IV. It's pretty easy to make out what the relations are. Lowes' father is buried here. His grandfather, his grandmother on his father's side. A brother and an aunt rest in the sarcophagi. And their graves are marked as follows.

Hazerton Lowes III, that was the father. Gordal Brigandslayer Lowles, the second, his grandfather, Alunda Lowles, the grandmother, Cyrild Lowles, his brother, Alistair Lowles, his aunt. The remaining two sarcophagi are unmarked and uncovered, perhaps for Lowles himself, his mother, noticeably absent. It's because she's upstairs. She's upstairs. Yeah.

Browsing for Emily in her bed. As you're walking around looking and rubbing from these corpses, Sir Julie, a paragon of good, mind you, notices a crest on one of the urns that is familiar to you. For it is the crest of a soldier that fought in the Mendevian Crusade. Named, you yourself have a tattoo on the small of your back in this symbol. There's a story there. there's a story there. The Crusades was like Sir Julie's year abroad. It was exactly like that,

except it was the most hellacious experience, quite literally, that left her with 40 plus years of post-traumatic stress disorder. But also a lot of great memories. There's a lot of great memories.

A lot of great memories. And a tattoo. You gotta take the good times with the bad. And lying next to that urn is a beautiful long sword that seems to glow with a purple light. Aldo. Small size or

medium? It is a medium long sword. Weird. For the medium creature that wielded it. If you don't mind, please. For those listening at home, Skid Dave, the universal facial expression that suggests, move aside, dummy.

I think we don't want to embarrass each other by talking about our comparative intelligence. Please step aside. There's no point bringing it up again. So that is a 34 spellcraft. That's all you got? Yep. It is a plus one longsword. And the purple light

that it sheds is a light equivalent to a light spell. Oh, cool. Okay. So, plus one, John, light spell on it. And then, of course,

the rare device attached to the deceased accuser, Omari, the confabulation plates, which may come in handy throughout this adventure if you want to ask any other corpse

what its deal is. And why can't we go back to the well? Like, why is that particular corpse shut off? We can't go back to the what's-your-deal well. We can't go back to that well. What well? This corpse. You can never ask it another question?

Nope. Could you remove it and then just, like, jam it back in again? Nope. Yeah, do a hard reboot. Yeah, a hard reset. Yeah. Nope, that can't do it.

Factory reset on the course. Break her teeth trying to jam it in. Just a quick Pathfinder lore reason. Why not? Well, what happens is when you hook that up to its mouth and you detach it, the mouth comes with it. And the creature must have a mouth unless it's a plant in order to ask questions of it. Straight out of the book. Okay.

Should we bring the device with us, though? Oh, yeah. Of course. We'll bring the device. Just clean the mouth off. Would you please demouth that? It's time to move on. Just detach it from that rigor mortis lockjaw situation you've got going on.

Can Bunglebee do a take 20 on the walls for any secret doors in this room? What's everybody doing? Show me where you're going, where you're walking, what's happening. I'm going to take the long sword. Okay, you're going to take the plus one long sword? Yeah. Is that better than your great sword?

No, but if... I'm just going to hold it unless anyone wants it. Anyone want a long sword? My plus two sword is better for me in combat. What about the purple light, though? I don't have that.

That is cool. You take it. No, you though? I don't have that. That is cool. You take it. I don't need it. I'm going to take the greatsword. What if you get disarmed? I'll take it. Let's not fight. Bunglebee takes it and puts it into a

scabbard at his waist and it just scrapes along the floor as he walks. Everywhere we go. In every room, purple sparks shooting off of it, like, everywhere we go for the rest of time. Bungle B's gonna work his way around the room, taking 20 on every outer wall

just to see if there's any secret crypt doors. Where's everybody else going while Bunglebee makes his way around? I follow Bunglebee eyeing the longsword. Every step. Halster, what are you doing? Halster's going to investigate more of the

phrasmin things here, see if he can learn anything else. He's going to, at the very least, pray to his deity and try to gain some strength there. He is totally sapped of all of his abilities for the day and is hoping that he can find guidance that he needs because, if anything, phrasma is a guide.

Okay, and what about Aldo? Aldo's going to work his way around the circumference of the room, just pouring over every inch of the wall to see if there's anything that they might otherwise miss. And actually, he's at a little bit of a disadvantage here, still being under the effects of the mutagen, which lowers his perception a little bit of a disadvantage here, still being under the effects of the mutagen, which lowers his perception a little bit, but he's still going knowing this, he's going to take his time and move around and see what he can see.

Okay, so is this pretty much the party makeup here? The way you're standing as you walk about the room, do you pretty much stay in that order, or do you want to mix that up? Yeah, I mean, I guess so. I guess Bungleby would be the first to move about the room? Do you pretty much stay in that order, or do you want to mix that up? Yeah, I mean, I guess so. I guess Bungleby would be the first to move to...

I guess Bungleby would be the first to move to a square and check the wall for traps, floor, and perceptions all around. Okay, and Sir Julie right behind you. Also doing perception. Aldo and Halster. Okay. You get down towards this bar relief

at the end of the hallway here. And it looks similar to this. It's also, yeah, for our audio listeners, it is Britney Spears' body with me on top of it. You look quite happy to be taking that phone call. Who's on the other end of that call, Joe? That's what I want to know. Some secrets are best left unsaid.

My booking agent for my next huge concert. Get me Tinky Winky on the phone. All right. You take a 20, looking around. You notice as you get to this strange image on the wall that... Such a mess of a human being. That was Matthew. Way to go.

I dropped it. You notice that it looks like Phrasma's face can swivel on stone pivots. She keeps her head on a swivel. What do you do? What's she looking at? Right now, she's looking right at you. But Bungleby notices that you could push it and the whole face would turn.

He'll reach up and push it so the whole face turns. You push it. And as the whole face turns you see a spiral staircase behind you leading further down further down

however leading further down. Further down! However, also at that moment, Halster and Aldo hear a little giggling. Oh, I hope it's Tiny Murder Clown. Ladies and gentlemen, Eric Bono! Ladies and gentlemen, Eric Bono. Ladies and gentlemen, Eric Bono. Sitting back there for two seconds.

Standing back there the entire time, like waiting for the ring. Drinking IPAs and wings. Just stumbles onto the stage. And then you hear a voice from somewhere. You don't see anybody, but you hear a voice that says, Have you seen the yellow sign? And then a figure emerges and goes to touch one of you. Let me explain what the figure looks like. As it goes to touch you, and. Let me explain what the figure looks like as it goes to touch you.

And a surprise, John. It is a figure clad head to toe in black. It lifts its face into the light as it goes to touch one of you. And you see under the brim of its wide black hat a pale, puffy face of a man with yellow irised eyes who just glares at you with insanity. Have you

seen the yellow sign? Roll for initiative. Oh no. This is so terrifying. To initiative, boss. Roll for initiative This is what this guy looks like Describe him Skip

He looks like a pill bug that fell to the dark side and is worried about rain later it looks like Marlon Brando in his last few films it looks like Marlon Brando like Island of Dr. Moreau if he was like Yeah, it does. It looks like Marlon Brando. Like Island of Dr. Moreau. Island of Dr. Moreau, yeah.

If he was like lamp lighting in London in the pouring rain. Have you seen the yellow sign? He also looks like, is it Demon's Souls? Those like fat clerics? Yeah, he looks exactly like that. Fat cleric. Fat cleric in a little coat. Nailed it.

All right, let's talk about an ish here before someone permanently dies. Aldo. 20, with my improved dexterity at the moment. Okay. And Halster. I have no initiative bonus anymore, so it makes it so much easier to do the math Fifteen Zoinks, Scoob

Bunglebee Sir Julie, you want to say yours? I also have no initiative bonus anymore Thanks to the drain And it's still, Grant managed to roll a fifteen Which is just perfect, because I rolled a natural two Oh For a two?

For a two That For a two. That makes two of us also rolled a natural two for a nine. This is as bad as it gets. It's pretty bad.

They really just go after you when you're down, don't they? I know. Really shouldn't have said anything. All right. Let's let this fat cleric think he's got something and then kill him. Well, here's the thing. Oh, dear. It was invisible, came out of invisibility, so I get a surprise round, standard or a move. And I also rolled a natty 18 on my initiative, so I'll then get to go again.

So that makes it easy who I want to attack, Aldo or Halster. I'll attack both of you. In the surprise round, though, I will attack... You know, I'll roll a d4 here, Joe. One, two, Aldo. Three, four, Halster. Please read it to the crowd.

One. Who was that? Aldo. I wasn't paying attention. Have you seen the yellow sign? Goes to touch you. 21 against touch, AC. Yeah.

Yeah. There's a lot of things Skip doesn't care about when it comes to this game. No. Oh, game. No. Oh, no. It's not panicked. It's not paralyzed. It's energy drained. Oh, no!

Oh, come on! All these permanent things it's doing to set us up to be so debilitated for the final fight. You take one negative level. Just add it on your hero, John. Is it a temporary, John? It is. At the end of 24 hours, you will roll a fortitude save.

If you fail that save, it will be permanent! will roll a fortitude save. If you fail that save, it will be permanent! Would this creature like to give us just 24 hours before we continue the battle? No, he'd like to take his turn at the top of round one.

But in the meantime, that is going to be like five negative hit points. Temporary negative hit points. And a bunch of other shit is going to go down. This is not good. Round one. It goes again. And now it's coming for Halster.

He's already sitting on six string for the decks. Let's see if this touch attack will get through. That could be a natural 1. Oh, how about a natty 18? You take 1 negative level as well. Oh, man. Okay. Here we go.

That's it. And then... This is bad. It will move because none of you can take your A.O.O. where you are flat footed so have you seen the yellow sign

drains a level from Aldo drains a level from Halster and then moves back about 10 feet away from Omari's body so 15 feet away from Omari's body. So 15 feet away from us. 15 feet away from Halster and

Aldo. 20 feet from Sir Julie. 25 from Bungleby. 30 from the secret passage. It's Aldo's turn. Like, so I have nothing left

Somebody said sickle You have no bombs right I'm out of bombs I'm out of spells But you know what Skid they can't take your Smots away from you No no no they can't take that away from Skid Okay so he's going to Reflexively put a hand On Werner Oh, no, they can't take that away from Skid. Oh, okay.

So he's going to reflexively put a hand on Werner. He says, So what, little friend? I'll keep a scythe. And he pulls out his scythe or sickle. And swing. So you're going to move, pull out the sickle as you do, move up to it and swing. So you're going to move, pull out the sickle as you do, move up to it and attack?

Oh, sorry. Oh, okay. I'm sorry. I was looking for energy drain on Hero Lab. I happened to... It's still out there. I ended up just going with a negative level. I'm going to hold, because I can't find energy drain.

Hold until you can find energy drain. It's probably in adjustments, and it's all terrible. Good luck. Also, if you don't have bombs, probably delaying is best right now. Oh, God. Grant will help you.

In the meantime, while Aldo holds, it is unfortunately Houser's turn. Houser's first going to do a check. Seems otherworldly, has yellow eyes, is probably of another world, but he does have some abilities against undead. So can I do knowledge religion to see if it's undead or not? Sure. Okay, 24. It is, in fact, undead. not. Sure. Okay, 24. It is, in fact, undead.

Ooh, nice. Okay. It is a creature known as the Keeper of the Yellow Sign. Oh, my God. And I'll give you 24. I'll give you one more bit of useful information. What is it? I mean, I think we know what it's weak to.

Yeah, lots of immunity. Does it have multiple attacks? It could. Okay. In that case, that is perfect. Halster is going to stride up to the creature and say, this is my place of power, and touch it with a touch attack for a blessing,

hopefully staggering it for a round plus my wisdom modifier. Do me a... Okay. That is going to be a 25 against touch AC. There you go. Okay. And is this... So you cast it beforehand and then walk up and touch it.

It's a supernatural ability. It will not provoke attacks or opportunities. So 25 against touch. Seems good. It will not provoke attacks or opportunities. So, 25 against touch. Seems good. It is gentle rest. Undead creature that's touched is staggered at a number of rounds, equal to your wisdom's modifier. It's not one plus my wisdom's modifier,

so it's a total of three rounds of staggered. Okay. So, three rounds of staggered, no save. Yes. Okay. So three rounds of staggered, no save. Yes. Okay. Give me a will save. All right. Oh, just for touching the bastard.

That is a 17. 17 will? You're alright. Okay. So it's staggered. Only a move or a standard for three rounds. Yes. Big move for Halster.

Aldo, do you want to take your turn? Have you found negative level yet? I will. I will take my turn. Okay. Instead of pulling his sickle, Aldo, having learned that this is an undead creature, will pull his Wand of Cure Moderate Wounds. Ah, the Wand of Cure Moderate. The infamous wand.

This would actually work. Yes. So you're going to draw that as you move towards it? Yep. Okay, and are you moving right to draw that as you move towards it? Yep. Okay, and are you moving right next to Halster or in the space? I'm leaving a space between us. Okay. A space between...

Your heart and mine is the space we'll fill with time. Wow. Wow. That is an 11 against Touch AC. That is a miss. Give me a will save. Oh, come on. With my lowered wisdom, that is a 12.

You take a minus one penalty on attack rolls and on saving throws against fear effects for seven minutes. Okay. And you're sure he rolls that if he just attacks? No, I should have rolled it before he attacks, but I didn't want to interrupt him because he's my friend. Thank you. Uncommonly thoughtful. Thank you.

I can't help but give. It is Bunglebee's turn. Bunglebee, you notice both Aldo and Halster seem immediately weaker after this creature touched them. What do you do? He is actually just going to... First thing I want to do is a perception on the secret stairway that he opened. And I just want to see if there's a way to close that entrance from the inside, basically.

So is there a way to go in there and close everyone off? Run away to safety. Is your question, can you go into this passageway and close the face? Yes. From the inside. You can do that. Okay. So he sees that, keeping that in the back of his mind as an escape opportunity.

Sure. Every burglar wants to make sure they know the escape route, right? Should things turn too bad. So wait a minute. Are you the burglar archetype? Yes, I am. Oh. Got him.

Got him. And so now I am going, I'm not going to move up there yet because he's freaking out with this thing, whatever, draining, seeing everybody getting weaker. He is going to pull out a potion, pop the vial, and drink a potion of protection from evil for himself before he tries to get into this. So protection from evil. Protection from evil. It is Sir Julie, Paragon of Good. Your turn. All right.

First things first, Sir Julie's swift action is going to lay on hands. And I'm going to activate the mercy. One of my mercies, a targeted mercy. Okay. So effectively, I'm casting Sanctuary on myself. You are selfish. All right. Well, I rolled pretty well.

Yeah, you did. Holy shit. I heal for 15 points. Okay. I'm glad. I was hoping you guys wouldn't heal before this fight happened. That was so dumb. It was so easy to heal up to full easily.

I just forgot because I'm drinking Treehouse. Okay. And Sir Julie will stride up to the space between that Aldo and Halster left for her. The space between. And take a swing with the Greatsword. Fumble, fumble. Come on. I'm holding out time.

Fire attack. Fire attack. Come on. Stop yelling. Damn it. Oh, come on. Dude, you are ice. Ice. Ice. Ice Stop yelling. Damn it. Oh, come on! Dude, you are ice. I'm ice.

Ice. Cold. Natural two. You're as cold as ice. Willing to sacrifice your turn. Joe Bryan, everybody. Joe's taking off. Just pee in the hallway, Joe.

Look at him run. Runs like a... I heard that. All right. Wow. Okay. Quick question, Joe. Okay.

That is the end of round one. It goes back to the keeper of the yellow signs turn. Who is staggered? What was that thing that you did to me again? What was the ability? Yeah. It was a Warpriest blessing called the Reposed Blessing. Gentle Rest is

the first level ability. An undead creature that's touched is staggered for a number of rounds, equal to your Wisdom modifier. It's a pretty good use of that ability. So I can either do a single move or a standard. What do you think? Time to drain some energy from Sir Julie? Yeah!

It uses its one standard to reach into your soul. First! Roll a will save. Wait, you roll a will save! No, no!, roll a will save. Wait, you roll a will save. No, you roll a will save. You were supposed to roll when you walked up to it for its aura. Is it a fear effect?

Wait a second. Before you answer this question, you do get a will save. I get a will save? What's that for? It is for the blessing. The save DC for these blessings is equal to 10 plus 1.5 times the Warpriest level plus the Warpriest Wizard modifier. I did not give that to you.

Okay. So that is going to be... Can everybody calm down for a second? We've made a couple mistakes here. 10 plus 3 plus 3, DC 16. DC 16 will? I think. Okay.

It doesn't make sense for a four to two. I'm dead. Will made it. 21. You're fine. Not staggered. Now give me your will, and then I'll do whatever you want. Is it a fear effect? Is it a fear effect? Then I'm immune.

It is not a fear. Well, it doesn't... Shockingly, Paizo didn't say what it is. It doesn't say that it's fear. Is it called... Is the word fear in the title... I'll tell you what it's called. It's called disquieting aura.

Is being disquieted being afraid? Only if you're a wuss. I rolled a 22 on the save. You're all right. You roll a will save. Now what am I rolling a will save for? Just roll a save. My mercy.

Mercy. Here we go. 16. It was DC 16. Oh. Joe, while you were draining your tiny bladder... I cast Bladder Drain on myself. Bladder Drain.

Grant pointed out that I got a save against his blessing, so I am not staggered. So instead, I'm going to start by touching Sir Julie's soul. Here we go. 19 against touch. Yep. One negative level. No save.

No save. You get your save 24 hours from now. Oh my god. Let's do some, actually no, I can't do any more attacks. But do I want to move now that I'm not staggered? It's really bad. Well, if I move now, I'm going to any more attacks, but do I want to move now that I'm not staggered? It's really bad. Well, if I move now, I'm going to provoke... That's just for this fight. For every subsequent fight. Or as I like to say,

subsequent fight. Subsequent fight. And then iterative. Iterative attacks. Every iterative attack in your Philly trash way. Okay, so Aldo, Sir Julie, and Halster all are basically fifth-level characters. That's not how it works!

Shut up. Shut up! You shut up! It is now Halster's turn. Boy, there could be the chance of maybe my best course of action being to try to stagger this creature to have you get a shitty roll. There's also the chance of me just getting off pretty okay damage against it. I am out of all other abilities or spells.

I would say damage it. Let's just kill it. Kill it! Here it comes. As soon as possible. Come on, baby. That is going to be a miss with a 10. It's okay. Hey, man. Die rolls go that way, bro. I know.

Houser is going to inch by... Go Sox. This fucking guy with his hat and his butt. I'm having a good time. Boston Joe! Boston Joe! Houser is going to five foot step sneak around to attempt to open up some flanking possibilities

with Sir Julie. All right, five foot step around to see if you can get around this guy. Okay. It is Aldo's turn. Aldo also down a negative level. All right, Aldo is, he has cast the spell with this wand, and he's wildly swinging it at this creature. He's going to try again.

Okay. That is a natty 19 on the die. Oh, nice! See? Alright, so you wanded it. How much damage? That is

13 points of positive energy damage. Okay. And without yelling at me, using a wand to attack doesn't provoke. It's like using a sword. No, because it's like, what we said in Richmond

was that I actually cast the spell with the wand before I moved up there. Right. It's like glowing with the spell. Right. It's just like attacking with it. But now that you're in melee, for the next round, for example, you couldn't cast it without provoking. No, I quit up there. Right. It's like glowing with the spell. Right. Just like attacking with it. But now that you're in melee for the next round, for example, you couldn't

cast without provoking. No, I quit in melee. That would provoke if I tried to do it again. Yeah, but you started away from melee, so yeah. Yeah. And because you missed on the first time it's still charged. Right. Got you. This is my contention. Sounds good enough. It is Bunglebee's turn. Bunglebee, you're the only

one who's not down a level. You want to step into that little open spot there? You know, honestly, I don't want to go down a level. I'm really afraid of it. And I'm playing the long con here. He's going to slip into the stairs and shut the door. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. He is going to...

I'm trying to... Yeah. He will move up behind Aldo. Give me a will save. Is it a fear effect? No. It's a disquieting effect. Holy shit.

Look at that. Plus two versus disquieting. Wow. Crazy. Crazy. That burglar archetype is off the chain. Off the chain. Well, that's why you go burglar, is to get that plus two

against Disquieting. Right. 24. Alright, alright. So who failed? Natty, 18! Bungabee's like, you're not standing between me and the riches of these corpses. So Aldo's the only one that failed against the Disquieting Horror. Right? You passed? I think so.

Yeah, okay. Is it like a perma-pass, John, or is it like every round? Okay. So he's going to move up into that range. Okay. And then I will... Yeah, it's hard. It's really tough.

This is really tough. He is going to... Shit. All right, he's just going to ready an action. And if this guy comes around in his melee range, he'll attack him. But otherwise, he's going to wait there for a round. Yep, he sure is. It is Sir Julie's turn.

Sir Julie, this is a huge round, dude. I'm going to do a full attack. Power attack, furious focus. Oh, I can flank, so I will take a five-foot step. Flank footstep. Flank footstep. I mean, this has been really demoralizing, I'll say. I'm embarrassed for you.

Okay. 24 to hit. There you go. That's a hit. Yeah! Cut him down! Yeah! 20 points of damage.

Whoa! Slow down there, cowgirl! Okay, second attack. Okay. My bonus to hit now is terrible because... It's got to be a natty 20, right? Miss. Yeah, that's a 9 to hit.

Or 11. Miss. Back to the keeper's turn. Come on, man. I feel real bad about this here no I do I do because I care about Skid as a friend like I actually believe him when he says that

which is what makes it so much worse because like he really means it and that means it's going to be really bad. What's worse, a sociopath who doesn't know the difference between right and wrong, or someone who does know the difference between right and wrong and does wrong anyway? I am going to take a five-foot step

just south of Halster, and I am going to cast a spell on Skid. Oh. On Aldo, not on you, Skid. I would never do that. Okay. Thank you. Unless it was a...

My will save is incredibly low right now, so thank you. I am going to attempt to cast defensively. Okay. So that Halster, Natty 19. So, this is so bad, Skid,, I'm sorry, I have to do it. Alright. Because you failed at the Disquieting Aura,

it allows me to cast a very special spell from range instead of having to touch you. And that spell is Bestow Curse. Oh no! So I need you to give me a will save. There's no bottle caps in this entire party? There's a bottle cap, but more importantly, there's a best friend sitting next to the best friend in need. Skid, you get the bottle cap that I have.

Take it, buddy. Grant! Grant! Grant! Grant! Grant! Grant! Grant! Grant! Grant! Can you name why I gave you a cap? Because that doesn't sound like me at all. I can indeed. It was pointing out the, inspecting the image of Hasterton Lowells at age five. We inspected that image.

You turned to me and said, here's your bottle cap, Grant. I'll allow it. Skid, roll twice. Take the lowest you already looks at. The lowest? Take the lowest? Yep. Skid, roll twice. Take the lowest you already looks at. The lowest? Take the lowest. Yep.

I know what I said. I choose my words carefully. I'm a GM. That's the old Bugs Bunny switcheroo. You're safe. You're out. You're safe. You're out.

Okay. Either way, this is going to be tough because I have lowered wisdom. Right. Right. There's a wheel. The best I got was a 13. I'm just going to take it straight out of the book here. Give yourself a minus 6 to Dex.

That is your curse. Why does everyone in this basement hate dexterity so much? They hate agile people! Is that permanent? Until you get a remove curse. It's a curse. Break enchantment, limited wish, miracle, remove curse, or wish.

We have to find something of remove John. It's going to be tough. Yeah. Or, as this very kind gentleman pointed out, we could all just kill ourselves and bring in a new party.

T.P.K.! T.P.K.! T.P.K.! I walk up to the fat cleric, drop my daggers, and open myself before him. Slay me, you evil creature. I know that I will bring back a stronger character in Milwaukee. And that's what having sex with Joe is like. Slay me, you beautiful bitch.

Halster, you're up. Don't laugh at that. All right. Halster's going to stand and bang. Stand and bang! That is an 18 to hit. Yes. Do you have another attack?

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Aldo, talk to me about what's happening through your head here.

I think he feels this curse permeate his body, and it more than counteracts the mutagen that he took. It's like all the boost that he got from the mutagen that he took. It's like all the boost that he got from this mutagen to his reflexes is like drained and dulled away. It's where it's like he feels like he's walking in cement. And he's just like, oh, baka. Oh, my kibai. Oh, will. And he tries to do another attack with the Cure Moderate Wand.

Okay. Casting it as he stands there, moving forward and making a touch attack. Okay. Come on, Skid. Get him. 14 against Touch AC. I have to ask, does that include the minus one from Disquieting Aura? Well, okay.

All right. You know what? Actually, I would get a save against that. I would have gotten a save against that, right? Did I get a save against that? Is it every time? Or a creature that fails takes a minus one? Well, originally.

Originally. You got the save and you failed. Right. I did not realize that I would have actually probably gotten a bonus to that save. But I didn't know it at the time.

I fucked up. So I should be punished. Well, let me ask you this. Would the bonus have taken you... How high... You rolled a 13. What was the bonus? The bonus would have been plus three.

Still a fail. Okay. Well, at least we have that. Okay. And the only reason I ask is a 14 would hit touch, but a 13 won't. Okay. Wow. Holy shit. So you guys are in bad

bad straights here. Bunglebee, you are the only one that doesn't have a negative level, but you're hanging in the back there, just thinking about what to do. Feeling a lot of pressure here from old Sir Julie. Uh-huh. To do the right thing. All right.

Can you withstand this gaze? He is going to move. He's going to just do it. He's going to move into flanking position of this creature. Yes! It is time to put his very soul at risk for the riches of this place. Get ready for the lunar eclipse. Exactly.

I mean, Bungleby has been nothing but a horrendous waste of time to this entire party. The least he could do is try to save them from this horrific otherworldly creature that he really can't wrap his head around what this thing's motivation is. It's not a guard. It's not somebody who cares about the gold or riches in this place. It's some freakish, otherworldly presence. And he just sees that and wants to stab it in the neck. So he attacks. With flanking.

Have you seen the yellow sun? No, I have not. Damn it! Total to hit 21 With the flanking What kind of weapon do you have? A dagger

Any magical properties? Magical That is a hit Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Is this

Yeah baby! Is this piece of. Give it to ya! Yeah, baby! Is this piece of shit subject to sneak attack slash precision damn zoning? Yes. Yes! All right. Oh, Max John. All right. There we go.

There we go. All right. So 19 points of damage and disoriented. Oh. Minus two to all attacks. Nice. Hell yeah. That's awesome.

Going forward. You burglarized his senses. I burglarized, stole your senses. And of course, that means we need to put up the fist of the minus two. The fist of the minus two. The infamous fist of the minus two. I also of the minus two. The infamous fist of the minus two. I also updated the graphic while you were taking your turn.

Oh, for God's sake! Never happier than in my bikini in a pool of potatoes. There he is. It's a big, big Brittany Joe contingent over here on the left wing. Or just a big potato group.

All right, so that was Bungleby's turn. Sir Julie, I mean, talk about huge turns. Talk about huge turns, Sir Julie. What do you do? Five-foot step, power attack, furious focus, full attack. Yes! Finish him! Nat 1, Nat 1, Nat 1.

I swear to god natural 2 no come on come on Matthew I don't I'm changing dice clearly you do not belong to the order of the fist of the minus 2

I don't know if I can take it alright second attack miss oh my god I don't know if I can take it. All right, second attack. Miss. Oh, my God. I mean, that is so brutal. Thank you. Matthew, would you like one of my dice? Yeah.

Yes, I would. I have a beautiful rainbow die here gifted to me by a attendee a year ago, if not more. Come on, that'll change your luck. Come on. Okay. You'll never get another turn, by the way. I'm doing another negative energy drain here. So I could give it to you just to even the party, but that's

no fun. Let's let it be randomly decided. I agree. One Halster. Two Julie. Three Aldo. Four Bungleby. Going around the horn. I think it's really mean that you gave Sir Julia two after all the natural twos I've rolled tonight.

Oh, I know what I'm doing. Joe, I'm shaking. I just don't want it to be Skid. I know, me neither. What number is Skid? He was three, and that is a one for Halster. Nice. Well, it's not like Halster had anything drained tonight.

Halster's sitting on five points of dex drain, one negative energy, one negative level, and this is going to be a entropic drain touch. Minus two against touch. Here. Natural one. Do it. Go. Natural one.

Yeah! Yeah! I can't believe it. We did it, Boston! I can't believe it. We did it! I can't believe it. It feels like I'm playing with a green deck all over again, Boston! I can't believe it. We did it! I can't believe it. It feels like I'm playing with a green deck all over again, BB!

You shouldn't have picked Graham. I could feel it. It was coming. Now, I do have multiple attacks. However, I'm going to allow the fumble because I can either do two slams or the drain. Go ahead and give me the fumble if you have a good Boston fumboni. or the drain. Go ahead and give me the fumble if you have a good Boston fumboning.

I definitely I definitely think that I do. I really do. Uh Uh shit. Oh, there it is.

This is a magic fumble. No, no, no, no. It's a touch attack. Stop with this. What the fuck are you talking about? All you pitched was energy drain. That's all you pitched. It is an exceptional ability.

Stop trying to push for magic fumbles every single time. I'm actually just pushing for Boston Crits fumbles. Just give me a Connecticut regular fumble. All right. Here we go. Oh, shit. Guess what? I've got one that is unvetted.

Oh, no, never mind. God damn it. This is why the search thing doesn't work, because it is a dude from South Carolina who just used Boston Joe in the title of the fumble. That's why it doesn't work. Have you ever been to Myrtle Beach, Massachusetts? I got one. Toby!

It's Toby! Toby! Yay! Toby is on our merch team. Helped out tonight. Thank you so much, Toby. I was eating his cookies two hours ago. Yes, we were eating his cookies left and right. That's not a euphemism. I was eating his cookies, hours ago. Yes, we were eating his cookies left and right. That's not a euphemism.

I was eating his cookies, if you know what I mean. All right, here we go. Toby from Boston. Rocky Mountain High Dungeon. Oh. Your pathetic attempt at an attack is so staggeringly inept, so outlandishly illogical, and so obviously impossible. All right. Oh. All right. The target.

That's you, Red. Enters a rage for 1d4 rounds. Option. If the target, meaning you, chooses to roll a will save, if you don't want the will save, this is Toby. I'm losing you, Joe. I'll take the rage. Let's move on. Okay.

It's such a shame. If the target chooses to roll a will save Add a bonus equal to the number of players From the 1985 NBA All-Star Game Skid can name from memory You know what? Let's see this through Skid, how many names

From the 1985 NBA All-Star Game can you mention? 1985 NBA All-Star Game. 85 or 95? 85. I've got the list, right? Toby provided the list. Oh, he did? He did.

We have names and teams. Skid, I will give you a one-minute timer starting now. Okay. Larry Bird. Yep. Boston Celtics. Magic Johnson. Los Angeles Lakers.

Yep. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar. Los Angeles Lakers. Yep. Sidney Moncrief. Atlanta Hawks. Wow. Or no, Milwaukee.

Milwaukee Bucks. Yes, yes. No. Milwaukee Bucks. Milwaukee Bucks. 1985. It's Alex English. Alex English. Yep. Yes, no. Milwaukee Bucks, yeah. Milwaukee Bucks. 1985. Alex English. Alex English.

Yep. Yes. He was a reserve. Okay, he was a reserve. Robert Parrish. Robert Parrish. Robert Parrish. Boston Celtics.

There are 76ers. There are 76ers. They know him. They know him. Dr. J. Dr. J. Dr. J. No hints.

Dr. J. No hints. Maurice Cheeks. No, I don't think so. Maurice Cheeks? No. No hints! Dr. J! Dr. J! Dr. J! No hints! Dr. J! No hints! Maurice Cheeks. No, I don't think so. Maurice Cheeks? No Maurice Cheeks. 46 seconds. Okay.

Maurice. No Maurice Cheeks. Let's see. God, our Pathfinder games are amazing. Clyde Drexler. Three, two, one. Ralph Sampson. Ralph Sampson.

Houston Rockets. Ralph Sampson Ralph Sampson Houston Rockets Ralph Sampson how many 8 he got he got 8 what you missed on the Sixers you said Maurice Cheeks

what you probably meant was Moses Malone oh Moses Malone you also forgot Akeem Olajuwon Akeem Olajuwon I would have said Akeem Olajuwon

after after Ralph Sampson because they were on the same team. So what happens now? If Grant doesn't want the rage, he can roll a will save with a plus eight bonus to not take the rage. But he wants the rage, so that was all completely pointless. No, that was all incredibly fun. It was really fun and it just doesn't help us at all.

I appreciate it. All right, Grant, take your rage. I feel the rage of Larry Bird. Feel me? In the house of Erasmus. It is Halster's turn.

You are raging. Here, give me the natural 20. Please, Boston. Reach out and believe. Flanking. Believe, Boston. I got and believe. Flanking. Believe, Boston. I got you.

Anything is possible. He's looking real close at it. I couldn't tell if it was a 7 or a 1. And it was a 7 for a 15. Plus flanking is a 17. Oh, that's a miss. Ugh.

The rage is kind of offset by the negative level. It is Aldo Kazimir's turn. God. I like it. Aldo. It's very impressive, Skit.

Okay. Skit. Yeah. Though not to belabor it and belittle you, but I believe you did forget Michael Jordan. No. No, okay. Yeah. All right. It's late.

It's an easy one. It's very late. That was an easy one. He has energy drink. He does have energy drink. Was Charles Oakley on that team? No. Wow. We got someley on that team? No. Wow, we got some quick no's from the audience.

Yeah, no. They were right. Those drunk guys right over there, they were right. Aldo, minus six to Dex. Yeah. Heard from this curse, one negative energy drain. I'm in rough shape. Skidmar, ladies and gentlemen.

Just get out of there, buddy. Just get out of there. Okay, I still have the cure mod. Oh, charged. Yeah, I still have it charged, so I'm just going to swing again with the cure mod. Natty, 18. That's a 22.

Fuck you, Troy. Fuck you a 22. Fuck you, Troy. Fuck you, Troy. Fuck you, Troy. How much damage? 14 points of positive energy damage. You get a save. I get a save. Oh, I get a save for all of these.

You did. He gave it to you. Oh. I get a plus two to this save. Oh, you did. I guess it's not a channel. Anyways. 16? I don't know.

That's a save. I think that's a save. So it's half. So seven points of damage. Yeah. Still up. You guys better fucking kill this thing. Yeah, we have to kill it now.

You have to kill it now. Bunglebee, it's your turn. Oh, fuck. Alright, Bunglebee, now's your time. Two stabs. Right in this thing's weird black fabric fatty shit that's rolling all over it. Look at it. It's ribbed, weird

vest and shit. Here we go. I'm ribbed for your pleasure. Here we go. First of two attacks. Natural two. Another natural two. I can't take it. The pressure.

You will kill yourself. Final attack. Natural pressure. You will kill yourself. Final attack. Natural one. No! Two is going to roll. Two is going to roll. Two is going to roll. We made it for the last one.

To confirm, how's the rule? To confirm, 24 to hit. All right, not a confirmed fumble, but a definite miss. Damn. So, Sir Julie, if you do not kill this thing, it is going to possibly drain someone else again. I have here in my hands... This beautiful rainbow.

This beautiful rainbow die from Joe. Come on, Boston. Bless the die. Bless the die, Boston. Come on. Boston. Bless the die. Bless the die, Boston. Come on. 24 to hit. Hit. Yes!

16 points of damage. It's dead. Yeah! Yeah! Thunder! Woo! Yeah! It's dead Yeah Yeah Thunder Yes The creature falls to the ground Have you seen the yellow sign?

No stop saying that You didn't even wait for an answer Aldo is cursed And has a negative level. Oh. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. . . Wow.

. . ....... I'm a little bit scared. I'm a little bit scared. I'm a. Never felt better. Actually, one dex drain, it sucks. One dex drain. Sir Julie has one dex drain and a negative level. You're all in rough shape. There are passageways and doors left unexplored, but none more alluring than the staircase going down behind the face of

Faraz. But where will you go? We'll find out in Milwaukee. Yeah, we will. Yeah, we will. I love you guys.

I love you guys. Bless us. We will be back this fall right here. Bye.