The Glass Cannon Podcast - Strange Aeons Episode 36 – Singing Heads

Episode Date: July 21, 2022

With Melisenn defeated, the heroes continued to search Iris Hill for clues about themselves and the Count's whereabouts. It was a cold night in St. Paul, but you'd never know it inside Amsterdam Bar and Hall as Glass Cannon Live! took to the stage for the first time in the Twin Cities. Join Troy Lavallee, Joe O'Brien, Skid Maher, Grant Berger and Matthew Capodicasa as they tour the country playing the Lovecraftian Horror Strange Aeons Pathfinder Adventure Path. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/XtrLBFObpjc Recap 21:18 Gameplay 29:15 For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for exclusive content and benefits, subscribe today at patreon.com/glasscannon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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It's easy and only takes a few minutes. The sooner you get started, the more time your down payment has to grow. Open an account today at Questrade.com. Hello, St. Paul! Yes! Do you hear that crowd? Skip, do you hear it? I heard it earlier. Oh, my God.

We are so excited to be here tonight. There's nothing better than a second show of the weekend. Milwaukee was great, but let's be honest, it was a warm-up to the real show. You know, there are days when I sit alone

ignoring Joe's emails and calls. So all days. So an average Tuesday. 365 days a year, I sit at home. And there are days that I worry sometimes that our fan base, that we affectionately call Glass Cannon Nation, or The Naish. I worry

that the nash is weakening. How dare you? So much has changed since we started this dog and pony show seven years ago, and nerds don't like change. So I worry sometimes that the nation's losing steam

when I read hateful comments online written by asocial troglodytes who have never kissed a girl. I didn't know you had such a pervasive presence on online forums, Troy. You'll have your turn, Matthew. I'll tell you, against these occasional moments of doubt,

we forge ahead and we decide to make a stop in an often overlooked city. The kid sister to the city that most people know about. A city where tots and food on a stick are considered essential food groups. I'm, of course, talking about the city of St. Paul, Minnesota. So we decide to bring Glass Cannon Live to this barely known one-horse town. At great financial risks to ourselves and our business.

And our families. When we can literally go anywhere we want. Lots of cities we could choose. But we decide to come here to St. Paul to this beautiful Amsterdam bar and hall. Beautiful. And we sell this motherfucker out. Yeah!

You! You! We sell this motherfucker out. Yeah! You! So, for the 30,000 people here this evening, if you're watching the video later, from all of us, I want to say thank you,

because I never get a chance to say that at the end of the show. We always run off and cry. Right into the limos. Right into the limos, waiting outside. Separate limos, separate limos. To take us to the helicopter. To the palace. To the five separate limos

to take us to five separate helicopters. We weep openly, but I want to say thank you because you are a shining example that the niche is stronger than ever.

And even though your city doesn't fall on any top ten lists, any top 10 lists, or top 100 lists, or several of the top 500 lists that I researched while coming up with this monologue, except for most obese cities in America, you should be proud

that while you're not considered special by American or global standards, you're fucking special to us. I see. I mean that. I mean that. Now, by now, you've probably heard through the grapevine

that our resident hill giant that we hired to be our technical director got the COVID. Yes. Have you heard about this disease? Have you heard about this? Hear about this? It's out there.

So he missed this leg of the tour. But while we miss having him this weekend, we saved thousands of dollars on specially crafted chairs for him to sit in. Pallets of food from Costco to keep his metabolism going. This was a good weekend for us. Just rolling pallets into the double tree.

Beep, beep, beep. Just backing them up. Big stacks of cabbages and melons. I need more cabbage. Cabbage. Cabbage is an expensive bicycle.

He goes through them quickly. From city to city, he just throws the bike out. But you know the old saying, when God gives an ogre an incurable disease, he opens a window of fresh patchouli-smelling hippie air. You know that saying, right? You know that saying, right? You know that saying? Oh, no.

In case you missed it, that fresh hippie air you're smelling tonight is Cindy Emanuel! Cindy! Thank you. Cindy, you filthy hippie Have you enjoyed your first Glass Cannon Live weekend? Absolutely

I'm saying thank you Not to you Just so you guys know I'm saying thank you to you No thank you To you Troy No of course

I'm having an amazing fucking time. An absolute blast. Milwaukee was amazing. I feel so lucky to have a second show, mostly because I want to play the game more. Troy. But no, I feel extremely lucky to be in St. Paul with all of you, so many of you.

I'm having a great time. What else can I say? I had poutine last night. I had like a great hot dog. I'm having a great time. Poutine and hot dogs. That'll go in your memoir. The core food groups.

Poutine, hot dog, beer. I'm done. Beer, right. What else do you need? Do you have a favorite moment from this weekend when you go back and tell all your friends and lovers? Your many, many lovers. My various lovers.

Many, many lovers. Your gentlemen collars and suitors. Will you say, my favorite part of the weekend was... Honestly, I thought my least favorite part of the weekend

was going to be the drive from Milwaukee to St. Paul because I was in the car with Troy and Joe. But that was actually quite fun. We had a great time. We really did. Goofing and gaffing the whole time. We stopped at a cool

brewery. We got some great brews. And we ate some spicy chicken sandwiches. It was a great... Oh, and we were going to steal a goat. If you missed the... If you missed cannon fodder. Yeah, cannon fodder. This close to stealing a goat. My one regret. My one regret of fodder. Yeah, cannon fodder. This close to stealing a goat. My one regret. My one regret of the weekend.

Yeah, my one regret. No, and today I got to go to the science museum with Matthew and Skid and Joe. Big science museum fans here tonight. It's a cool museum. It was cool.

It's a smart crowd. It's a science crowd, man. It's a STEM crowd. This is a STEM-heavy crowd. It's a crowd crowd. It's a STEM crowd. It's a STEM-heavy crowd. It's a crowd of learned doctors. There's a doctor. That's good. There's a loud doctor.

You might need a doctor later. Doctor, calm down. This is just a monologue. Doctor, heal thyself. Sydney, I'm so glad you're here. Do you want to do this again sometime? Huh? What? Sorry, I wasn't listening.

What'd you say? Don't worry about it. Of course, of course, of course. No, I've rescinded the offer. Very good. But now I would like to introduce you to three men who, up until yesterday, thought a juicy Lucy was a sexy

urban slang for anal sex. Kids these days. Kids these days. You know, I'll buy her dinner, see how things go. Maybe get her the old juicy loose one. It's going to be that kind of show,

folks. Yeah, buckle up. You love him. Matthew was devastated to find out what it really meant. I was just so jazzed to use it in conversation, and I found out I was using it wrong. Well, first up is the only man that wasn't cold last night

walking the freezing streets of St. Paul because he's covered by a thick layer of fur that protects his doll-like extremities. Give it up for Matthew Capitacazza! Matthew Capitacazza. You know, I googled this this morning. Did you know that in the gay community, you'd be considered an otter?

It's true. It's true. In fact, I did know that. So cute. Sorry, fellas, he's married. How are you, buddy? Did you have a good day today? I had a great day. We learned about science.

Yeah? We went to the science museum. We were very excited. Joe went off and saw a movie at the science museum while the rest of us looked at the exhibit, which was weird, but otherwise we got to... I thought that's what you do. A live Tyrannosaurus came out and visited us.

A real Tyrannosaurus Rex? A real Tyrannosaurus Rex. A real Tyrannosaurus Rex. It was just a teenager, so it wasn't too large. But yeah. Not a big dinosaur guy, so I don't know. Good for you. I asked you a couple nights ago if you wrote a play about Milwaukee,

what would the title be? What would your play about St. Paul be titled? Look in the Mirror. Ooh. Because they're twins, right? That's deep. I saw a lot of like deep artistic nods

in the audience. This isn't a Matthew crowd, is it? Oh, come on! I'm screwed. This isn't a Matthew crowd, is it? Oh, come on! Thank you. I'm screwed. You're not going to like these next few then. Next up is a man who knows St. Paul better than any of us. Because he went to high school with him and Jesus.

Because he went to high school with him and Jesus. What were the apostles like, Mr. Skid? My! Skid! My buddy. I'm like four years older than you. I talk to people, it's just like, I thought you'd be way older.

Like they're expecting some wizened old bearded man. Thank you for coming to Glass Cannon Live. Can I get a ride back to the group home? Kid, you're a big sports guy like me. Did you know it's been 31 years since a professional Minnesota sports team has won a championship? What? Were you aware of that, Skid Marr?

Yeah, I was. I was aware of that. They came close a few times. Fran Tarkenton was a heck of a quarterback. Chris Dolman, big Chris Dolman fan. And I think Carl Anthony Towns could be the ticket to the first championship ever.

I'm sorry. I thought I could give a straight face for that entire sentence. No, no. It'll happen. You have great teams here and one day it'll happen. If only they gave a championship for terrible accents. Your trophy case would be loaded. I'm going to say, I'll tell you what I appreciate here,

which is that whenever he makes sports jokes in other cities, shitting on their sports teams, at least 80% of the crowd is like, there's a professional sports team in this city. I don't know. This crowd was like, boom! Like immediately.

And I respect that. We got sports fans here tonight. I love it. Yes. Love it. Yes. Sorry, real quick, before we move on to insulting Joe. I'm in no rush.

I need a warm-up. Give you a little break to think of something even worse than what you had planned. I wanted to apologize real quick to our friend Eric at Norris Foundry. I think I hurt his feelings by making fun of his mistake of not giving Joe a die.

So I just wanted... These dice are amazing. I love Norse Foundry dice. The dice that he gifted us are spectacular. He did fuck up, but that's fine because it was really funny. And I love the guy. We love him. We love all the guys at Norse Foundry.

So... Did you give him a die? Did you give him a die? Did I give him a die? I thought this was building to a walk across the stage. Right, I felt like... You owe Joe a die. No, I did. I left your die at your station. Oh!

That's nice. Did you give him the amber one? It's an amber die. An order of the amber die? That's why. Did you give him the amber one? It's an amber die. An order of the amber die? That's why he said that was the one he initially intended for you to have and wrote my name by mistake. Let's see if this starts chaining 20s.

Like the famous amber die of yore. Well, we've been talking a lot about saints. So finally is a man who is no saint. Sure, he was an altar boy back in the day, but now he only worships at the altar of cheese.

The gospel according to cheddar and white bread. Fun fact. I'll do it. That was good. He was the only altar boy in his church that wasn't molested by the priests because of how physically unattractive he was. Hello, St. Paul. Give it up

for Joe O'Brien. Oh, God. I'm dizzy. I'm dizzy giving that one out to you. Don't touch him, Father father he reeks of shot purple i'm regretting giving you that little bit of extra time now that was your first mistake how are you minnesota joe oh fantastic i'm great, buddy. I'm fantastic. I got nothing else. I know.

I was going to say, is that it? I'm exhausted. You're red hot. Joe, how was your IMAX movie that you saw at the museum? The movie that you soloed. I went into the goddamn Minnesota Science,

whatever, museum, and I'm like, oh, they have a dome IMAX. Awesome. And Dinosaurs of Antarctica was starting in like five minutes. And I was like, I've they have a dome IMAX. Awesome. And Dinosaurs of Antarctica was starting in like five minutes. And I was like, I got to catch that. Then I'll meet up with them in the exhibits. And so I watched this 40 minute experience. That was awesome. And paid for

the entire exhibits ticket as well. Came out, was like, let me walk into the exhibits and find my friends. And they were all out and done with all the exhibits we're like we're going to lunch so i never saw any of the museum i just paid to saw an imax and then went out to lunch so yeah it was pretty stupid in retrospect but but the museum we found out as we were leaving in the gift shop were selling dice gaming dice yeah that's right they had a whole beautiful dice polyhedral dice really nice some And we found out as we were leaving in the gift shop, we're selling dice. Gaming dice. Oh, yeah. That's right. They had a whole case of polyhedral dice.

Really nice. Some were very expensive, like quartz, rose quartz, and these fancy dice. And Skid and I got, we both got sets. Yeah. I got a set of macaron-themed dice, colored like macarons, which Samantha, she loves making them. She's very good at making them. So I'm going to give those to her.

And I got a dinosaur eye dice that have a little dino eye. And I was rolling before and first roll 90-19. So I'm going to use that dice tonight. So thank you, Minnesota! Yeah! Those sound like loaded museum dice to me.

Get that shit out of my game. Loaded museum dice racket. Notorious game. Loaded museum dice racket. Notorious. A dirty loaded museum dice racket. It was fun. It was like, what's dice in a museum? It's just crazy. Even ten years ago, you would never have seen polyhedral dice in a museum gift store.

Made a D100. Yeah, it was awesome. Yeah, it was so cool. So cool. Well, if you think that's cool, It was awesome. Yeah, it was so cool. So cool.

Well, if you think that's cool, then maybe you'll think it's cool to see our invalid behemoth in the flesh, kinda. Give it up for Grant Berger! Look at that handsome son of a bitch! Yes! Hi, St. Paul. It's Grant Berger, otter enthusiast, reporting from Juicy Lucy HQ

on top of my orthopedic chair built for a giant in a room that smells like cabbage farts. So I hear you're hearing us better tonight, Grant. Yes. Yes, I was able to overhear you after munching through the several tons worth of cabbage that I had in my hand.

Just in time to get my flosser in so I look good on camera. Grant, I know you performed alone in your room on Thursday night for two hours just to stay sharp. I think you should do it again tonight and record it and then just throw it out. We don't want you to

lose your edge. Do we open up the Glass Cannon Only fans to release that on Troy? Because it's going to get real weird. You jump the gun. We're starting it tonight. Buddy, are you feeling okay? You're fine, right? You're back to normal?

We just wanted to be safe, right? We just wanted to be safe. It was right on the cusp of guidelines. I didn't want to infect anyone else. That was my biggest concern. And I hope everyone has a safe and lovely time this evening. Jealous of everything I've heard and missing seeing so many people. Some people have already messaged me and I wish I could have met you tonight as well. But you have a great time. Thank you for checking in with me, Troy, boys, Sydney and St. Paul.

Sydney and St. Paul Grant Grant we love you and we miss you and listen there's still a couple tickets left for Portland and Seattle if you want to come out and check it out I have a guy that can hook you up with like a discount See you Grant

See you tomorrow buddy She's hit She's hit I have some goals for this evening That will be most likely impossible To achieve But the only chance I have At achieving these

Lofty goals Sydney Yeah to achieve. But the only chance I have at achieving these lofty goals, Sydney, Yeah? is by jumping into the recap right now. Sydney, take it to the recap! Nice, Sid. Purple lightning.

You know, when Grant plays the recap, you don't see the fucking bar down the bottom. Shut up. None of that could fit. Neither did the crowd until you called it out. Yeah, no. I want him to know that he failed. We had meetings all week. About that bar.

Meetings all week. Play me some music and make it cool. Take a sip of my drink. Ooh. Ooh, that's some good recap music. I might just make this up

as I go. I got a lot of show to get to tonight. So I'll keep this brief in metagaming terms we are very quickly approaching the end of book two of the

Strange Aeons Adventure Path it's a six book adventure path that we will finish sometime in late 2038. Book one had our heroes waking up in an asylum with no recollection of who they were or how they got there. The asylum had recently been taken over by the inmates as well as creatures from the dreamlands who seeped into the material plane when an earthquake ruptured the space-time continuum. You already know this happens.

The performance is so good, it's like I'm experiencing it anew. Sound like my wife. Sound like my wife. Over the course of book one, the heroes freed the asylum from this hostile takeover and realized that they were placed there by a man named Count Hazerton Lowes IV, the ruler of the nearby county. For you, imagine there was a ruler of Minneapolis.

That's the nearby county. You got it? I got it. Okay, yeah. Another good St. Paul burn. So, after foiling the nightmare creatures in the asylum, book two has seen our heroes arriving in town to try and find out what their connection to this count was

as well as where the count is because apparently he up and left town unexpectedly on some pseudo-scholarly pursuit. This event caused two key things to happen, Skid. One, a government official known as a royal accuser was dispatched to the town to investigate Lyle's disappearance Among her team was a priestess named Winter Kleksa Who the heroes met at the asylum in book one

Winter was sent to the asylum to investigate Lyle's connection to that place And she got trapped there when the asylum fell to shit. While in town, our heroes discover that the royal accuser went missing and when they try to meet up with Winter

after leaving the asylum, Winter is also nowhere to be found. The second key thing is that when Louse left town, I'm sorry I bored you. She's heard the recap before. Yeah, I just did it two nights ago.

It's fine. I know the recap, Troy. The second key thing is when Laos left town, he left his assistant in charge of his estate, a woman named Mellie Sen. Mellie Sen,

throughout the hero's investigation, has been using her influence to recruit a cult of Hastur, the King in Yellow, to kidnap people in town so that she could sacrifice them in honor of this great old one, hoping that a gateway between worlds

could be created where Hastur would come to this world, lay it to waste, and allow her to rule among the ashes. Over the course of the past few shows, we've seen our heroes break into the Count's estate at Iris Hill that has been crawling with cultists and monsters. A couple shows ago, they found the dead body of the royal accuser.

And two nights ago, in Miliwake, they also found Sheboing Winter Klaxa. The role of Winter Klaxa will be played by Sidney Emanuel. In tonight's performance, the role of Winter, Winter was on the brink of death, perhaps moments away from being the role of Winter. Winter was on the brink of death, perhaps moments away from being the next cult sacrifice.

After saving Winter and cutting her down from the third star stela that was hidden below Iris Hill, an ancient monument that predates human existence that the cult is using as a conduit to the world beyond the stars.

They cut her down. They walk into the next room. And they found Mellie Senn. Along with some foul, eldritch henchmen. And also, in the subpar city of Milwaukee. In the subpar city of Milwaukee. They confronted and killed Melisa. Huge!

They now stand in a subterranean domed chamber surrounded by a mural of an alien city with a chorus of robed figures seemingly watching from the beyond. An enormous yellow sign mosaic on the floor wafts yellow mist from the floor to ceiling, and the day seems to have been one, but there are still some unanswered questions. One, where in the blue fuck is the count? And two, is there anything or anyone here

that knows how you are tied up with Liles and what is your connection to all of this? Among the inmates of the asylum that are connected to Lyle's, only Skid's character, Aldo, is still in action. Atticus, the rat folk wizard, is encased in amber for at least another six days. Mrs. O'Lady and Burl, the green loser, are dead. And Halster, the war priest of Phrasma, has gone catatonic and is now safely tucked away in a sarcophagus full of live rats. Forgot we did that. That was awesome.

Sorry, Grant. Carefully swaddled in a cocoon of rats. Let's make a note to refill the sarcophagus As we walk by Fresh rats Some of them might crawl in his unconscious mouth And suffocate So we should replace those at least

And they might not be hungry anymore After having gnawed at his flesh the whole time You want to freshen that up Sometime during this sesh. If this cult leader Melisande knew anything, she's not talking because she's dead. What do you do? Aldo, I think, despite himself and knowing what has to be done here, I think he's fascinated by the mural. And he just wanders into the room towards it in a daze,

just eyes wide looking at this urban, fantastical urban landscape and all the people in it. And he's just like staring at all the detail. And he's just sort of giggling to himself as he does so. He's like... Just staring at it, taking it all in. Bungleby is going to move to the corpse of Mellie Senn and loot that shit.

and loot that shit. First, let me put the X on her. Yeah. That means she's dead. He puts his foot on her nose and mouth, and his hand on the bolt between her eyes, rips the bolt out of her skull, tosses it down. And proceeds to see what she has

on her. Alright, she's got some stuff on her person, as it were. She has... You ready for this? While Hero Lab loads up? A magical rap up. A magical rapier.

A magical chain shirt. A magical ring. And a magical headband. Ooh. Juicy.

One, two, three, four, five scrolls. And a big fucking book. Oh. Oh. Big fucking book. You got that? I got it. One big fucking book.

Right. I'd like to appraise the big fucking book. Give me an appraise check. Ooh, 21. It's priceless. Priceless. Perhaps we can spellcraft the other items. Also, five scrolls.

Aren't you supposed to use those in combat? spellcraft the other items. Also, five scrolls? Aren't you supposed to use those in combat? Nice. Be careful, Matthew. Book two ain't done yet. She did not have time to because you rolled like rock stars in Milwaukee.

Five scrolls. You know what? I'm just going to say you figure it out. I'm not going to have you roll spellcraft checks because there's 3,000 people here watching. We discussed backstage a no roleplay pledge to help you out today. Thank you, yes.

Nobody likes to see roleplay lies. That's right. Let's just do math. Let's all just do math in front of people. It's kept picturing us all just like staring at you

and just waiting for the next encounter. Clinically reading off dice rolls. It is a plus one rapier. A plus one chain shirt. A ring of protection.

Plus one. Let's talk about the scrolls. We have a scroll of cure serious wounds. Winter recognizes it immediately. Because she's a cleric Because I'm a cleric

Did she write her name on it in crayon? Yep Property of Winter Oh, that's mine A scroll of dismissal Oh And a scroll of sending Darling, you

Send And two scroll of sending. Darling, you send. And two scrolls of restoration. Oh, cute. Yes, yes. Excited to see you fight that one out. And lastly, the headband is a headband of inspired wisdom. Ooh. Plus two. Oh.

Shit. Who's a wisdom-based character? I am. Sheboygan. I also am. You're temporary. Ah! No temps.

She kneels. You're an upjumped NPC. Shut up. She kneels. You're an upjumped NPC. Sir Julie, you should. Not me. Although I, character-wise, it makes more sense, but you should. I can't.

I can't. No, I literally can't Troy won't let me You should I see I shouldn't of course I hold on to it I hold on to it tight

No take it You seem to You seem to be holding on By the tight link Of course I am Whoops Enjoy Of course I am. Whoops. Enjoy. You feel a little wiser, Sir Julie.

Let's talk about this book. You guys speak any languages that are cool? Let's cut to the chase. Does anyone speak jive here? Yeah. Because this 10-pound book is written completely in jive. Oh, no. Oh, God. This is Colin Barber Billingsley.

I just went to check on my Hero Lab, on my personal tab. It says, add languages known, one left. Oh! So, what do you need? I want you to pick one at random and see if it's right. Pick one at random and see if it's right.

No, it's not going to be right come on come on yeah I don't know druidic none of you know what it says she was doing shit with druids I if Aldo

in the event that Aldo is distracted from the mural and called over to help, says, ah, you know what? It's strange. I think I might have just the thing. Pulls out a little vial off of his bandolier, guzzles it, casting Comprehend Languages on himself.

There it is. There it is. Seasoned veteran, Skidmar. You look at this book. It does weigh over 10 pounds. There's over 500 pages of parchment contained within. And the

letters that just looked like gibberish and signs and hieroglyphics. Shut up. I have to say a lot of words. Start to move on the page in a way that you can read.

And the first thing you read is the title of the book, which is the narcotic manuscripts. Three people understood. The what? How important that is. What's the title? Three people understood. The what? How important that is.

What's the title? The Nakotic Manuscripts. Nakotic Manuscripts. Yes. This was something that came up in SideQuest's side sesh. It sounded familiar. Yeah. Oh, now you know about it.

No, I don't. It just sounded familiar. How convenient. It's written in Aklo. And as you start to finger through it, you see that it's a book talking about portals, conjuration magic. There's knowledge about these flying polyps that evidently created the star Stelae in town.

There's knowledge about Yithians. Knowledge about other creatures associated with the gods of the Elder Mythos. in town, this knowledge about Yithians, knowledge about other creatures associated with the gods of the Elder Mythos. You think, in your infinite intelligence, Aldo, that if you spent some time with this book, or maybe not you, maybe a

shitty ratfolk wizard who spent time with it, would gain knowledge and spells if only you knew such a creature. It's a shame, really. By the way, the iconic is not spelled

the way you'd expect. Took me two Googles to get there. Is that it? Is that it? Yeah, I was just thinking my mic smells funny. Somebody weird performed last night. That kind of funny smell That you can't stop smelling

What was your kink Alright Winter asks If anybody Winter says While this is all going on Is everyone okay Does anyone need any healing Winter says, while this is all going on, is everyone okay? Does anyone need any healing?

I don't think I can do that, but... I am a cleric, but I have a limited... You have to understand, I have a limited amount. You have to understand, I have an oil can of beer in front of me. So I'm unable to perform I feel like a child I have to like use two hands To hold it and I feel stupid drinking it on stage It's a pony keg basically It's so good though

Deadwood legs Thank you But no Winter says How's everyone doing? That was rough. I'm very badly hurt. I could use some healing as well. I'm fine.

No one asked you. Bungleby will reach into his vest and pull out a wand. And similar to Aldo, he also begins to like spend a little bit more time looking at these murals, and he gets lost for a second in them, and he just sort of pulls this wand out.

He's like, here, here you go, and holds it out to you, but he's just staring at this wall with this smoky sort of city scape with these masked figures looking at him. And it's familiar to him. He holds out this wand.

Thank you, Bungleby. Are you all right? Do you need healing? And he just starts to walk toward him, not responding to you. Okay. And, uh... And I walk to

Sir Julie, who I know is taking the brunt of everything. Sir Julie, this is a wand of... What was it, Bungleby? He's busy. I believe it's cure light wounds. Would you like a tap-tap? I would very much so, yes. Thank you.

Tap-tap. And that's how I cast my spells, so you're healed. Straight out of the book. Are you a good witch or a bad witch? And she clicks her heels together, and they're shiny and red. Aldo. It's canon. It's canon now.

All black, black hair, she's beautiful. Red heels? Sexy. Yeah.. She's beautiful. Red heels. Sexy. Yeah. Gingham cloak. All denim cloak and it's heavy as shit. It's like, is anybody else hot as shit down here? Oh my god.

Where do you guys buy your cloaks? Because this thing sucks. Gotta go to Cloakery when we're back in Thorsmoor. Hit the Cloakery. Haberdashery? I don't know. Oh, the Cloak Room. Try the Cloak Room in town. They sell great deals.

50% off cloaks. Aldo, do you need a tap-tap? Yes, indeed I do. Tap-tap. Oh, thank you. That's much better. And I tap-tap myself. Does Bungleby need any healing? You were invisible. Do you need any? I put the wand back in your pocket.

Oh, thank you. No, I'm fine. Okay. And I'll turn back around as you distract him from it. And he thinks, or he says, this was the one who was looking over the house, right? While the count is away.

So with her gone the house sars. And he kind of smiles and bites his lip, like the side of his lip. Let's go upstairs. Clear the place out and get the fuck out of here.

What? We... No! We can't... We can't just... Millicent... Millicent is evil. She trapped me down here.

What if there are others? What if there are people who need our help? We can't just leave. All right. Fine. But still, they must be upstairs, right? Well, what's in this big, scary, yellow room? Nothing.

She walks forward. Nothing of interest. She walks into the room. Perception check. Stay out of there! Yeah, can we just do a... Can we take 20? Yeah.

Take 20 on the room. And it's just, this chamber seems to be a place out of time. You wonder if, like, Lal's ancestors were all devotees of Hastur or of the unspeakable world beyond, or if this is just Melelly Sends redecorating. Obviously the yellow sign on the floor is oppressive

and that mist rising up gives the whole room a feel that reminds especially Aldo of that initial nightmare when you woke up in the asylum. Yeah, this is all the landscape, the mural, very familiar to Aldo as well, for sure. But you search the room,

and there seems to be nothing there. You have, as far as you can tell, foiled Melisande's plans. Exactly. But Aldo, unlike your allies, you're smart. Correct. And you know that the great old ones, the elder gods, the outer gods,

they don't get bothered by a blip like Mellie Sen passing. Because for them, they think the takeover of the world is inevitable. If anything, this is just a minor annoyance. And you, more so than anyone, still need to know why. Why were you involved? Why were you working for the Count? And there's nothing here to give you answers. The death of Melysan is naught but a pebble dropped in a great river.

There is much work to be done. Are mortals even capable of defying the gods, the old gods, in this way? I think the burglar may have a point. We should go up. Yes, yes, exactly. Agreed. We have little time. Yes, yes, exactly. Agreed. We have little time. Perfect. Let's go. Touch

nothing in the house. Who knows what evil is contained in the objects here? For your own safety, you must leave all the artifacts exactly where they are. She's right. No, no, no, no, that was not our understanding The lady marmalade is very demanding

Until you report it to the authorities We should touch nothing I don't think that's very fair I came down with you Helped with this, whatever it is Evil destruction of the world, whatever you say. But my lady deserves the artwork that is owed to her, and I believe it may be upstairs. You're absolutely right.

Fill out an invoice, and we'll submit it to the designated representative of the count. Yes, we'll make a thorough accounting of all valuables in the estate, hand it over to the proper authorities, and perhaps if you make a claim, many, many years from now, you may see a profit. And so you go back upstairs. Should we do restoration? Oh, yes, the minute his cat's grace wears off, he drops

the book. It comically falls backwards into this pool of water. So you only have two scrolls of restoration, and several of you are down. Obviously, Halster is out of commission, so you don't have to waste anything on him. It's the best.

But how many neg levs are you down, Aldo? Well, I'm down two negative levels and I've got the dexterity drain as well. Does one casting of restoration

just bring you back to normal? No, it's a die roll. No, restoration cures all temporary ability damage and restores all points permanently drained from a single ability score. It also eliminates any fatigue. I was thinking of Lesser, maybe.

So it's the perfect thing for you. So you should take one, and Sir Julie, you're down a negative level, right? I'm one negative level. Okay, do you have any drain? I do not have any drain. Okay, now here's the thing. Winter is the only one that can do it, but restoration is not a spell level that you can cast.

Yeah, I only have lesser restoration. So we're going to need a Use Magic John. No, I don't believe so. You need a caster level check. That's what I meant. Alright. Wait, so what am I adding to that? I'm rolling and then just my caster level?

Your cleric level, yeah. Six, okay. This one's for Matthew. We'll go left to right That's a natural two For an eight I'm so sorry I mean you might have succeeded I don't know what the DC is

DC equals the scrolls caster level plus one Plus one Oh so I succeed Maybe not Well maybe Yeah Seven, eight, yeah. Yeah, because I think if you're a seventh level cleric,

you can cast Restoration. That is true. So you got it exactly. So you got it exactly. Yeah! Natural two, so only a natural one will fail? If you have the spell on your list, and you use a scroll that is just above you,

really the only way you fail is a natural one. It is supposed to be pretty easy. It's stupid. Thank Phrasma. Thank you, Winter. You're welcome, she says extremely confidently. Next roll. It's my good die.

Natty 18. There we go. And she touches your foreheads. Pats you on the head. Well, good for you. Now, it also undoes a negative level. But does it also do it, or does it do it instead of the ability? Like, do you have to pick one?

That's what I'm trying to figure out. Except that it also dispels temporary negative levels or one permanent. Now, you haven't rolled that check. They're still temporary. So it just gonezo. Wow. Okay. So you're good.

You guys are great. If it was permanent, you'd need to have the material component of diamond dust worth a thousand gold pieces, which you do not have. However, Grant being sick will force him to need that diamond when he rolls it in Portland. You only have dex drain, right, Aldo? I have some, well, I have some con damage, but it's temporary, so that should be lifted also. Restoration cures all temporary ability damage, and it restores all points permanently drained

from a single ability score. But he has drain and damage, so he's okay. No, you don't. I believe you have drain. Con drain. That creature did drain. Last two days ago, you got the con drain. Oh, I had this damage. So you gotta pick.

Do you want to heal your dex or heal your con? I'll definitely take the dex. Okay. This will be Aldo's last episode. Let's go to the map. You have come back upstairs. Halster, I'm just going to, for the audience,

put an X over him because he is in the sarcophagus covered in rats. G10! What does G10 say? Yeah, we turn to G10. Your thoughts now?

This wasn't the map I wanted you to go to. G10. What have you to say now, G10? Surely we've impressed you with our accomplishments thus far. I have been watching you scamper about and determine the magical properties of the items you have found. You have healed your friends, young priestess.

Clearly your heart is pure. young priestess. Clearly your heart is pure. However, I don't like you. So on a personal level, I'm out. And G10 leaves.

G10, no! G10-10 no Return to us Surely after all your time watching You would have developed a sense of objectivity He comes back and says What did you say? I accused you of being Biased watcher How can one who

Has a vast and unknowable intelligence from another world be so pity and personal? I had left. I didn't hear you. No, I'm still done with you. And he walks away. No, I still don't like you. I still don't care for you. As people.

The G10 is gone from this adventure. God damn it. Scan over to the real map that I wanted you to go to. Back in the creeps. Creeps. Back in the creeps. How far gone is Halster's corpse? Yeah, I did put an X over him.

I guess that's not really appropriate. Let's just put a rat swarm. There we go. Yeah, I did put an axe over him. I guess that's not really appropriate. Let's just put a rat swarm. Yeah, there we go. We grab a pitcher and we go over to the rat machine, like an ice machine in a hotel. Scoops him up and just

refill the sarcophagus. Oh my god, you push the thing in and they're falling and scrambling. There we go. Just throw those guys falling and scrambling. There we go. Just throw those guys in. Awesome, there we go. Perfect. Say what you will about Galarian.

Nine dollars still buys you a hell of a lot of rats. When you came downstairs, you walked directly by a little room in the corridor leading to the this area here that I'm signaling, there's a door to the south, but also to the north of the room that had that little lantern on the floor. That corridor continues to the north as well. So you've got a couple different options.

What? I take a peek down the corridor to the north. Take a little gentleman's peek. You see a room in a corridor that stretches to the east

and then it continues stretching to the north. Let me give you some flave text. Looks like a storage room. There are two large wooden shelving units on the west and east walls, holding many small chests, caskets, and several loose objects. In the middle of the floor... I'm listening.

Loose objects. On the floor. Middle floor. Several floor. Middle floor. Several chests. Middle floor. What's the problem? Lies a wooden coffin. Oh.

Oh. The shelves look like they're littered with mundane personal belongings. You see clothing, boots, equipment, and most of it is covered in blood. Blood. Blood. Almost all of the items Are damaged by water Moisture Or combat

And the coffin looks like it's been Kind of Fashioned into a makeshift bed Perhaps the Keeper of the yellow sign that you fought Was using this As his King size bed Uh Cautiously is using this as his king-size bed.

Cautiously, judiciously, and with an aura of goodness, Sir Julius steps into the room. You were always meant for a paladin, Matthew. Step into the room and the light shining off of your great sword continues down

this hallway to the east and also continues to the north. To the north! To the north! Can we do a quick search of the room? Any requisite detect magics to see what's going on? I don't see any magic.

However, a thorough search among the sundries reveals what might be the apparel of a public official in a silver seal matrix. You see a bell-shaped object with Thrushmore's crest engraved on its flat bottom and a ring for a string or ribbon at the top.

You think that this is something that perhaps a magistrate would wear. It's the magistrate's notary public stamp. We take it with us. Yes, you think that Cesedia Rents

at the Sleepless Detective Agency would be very interested in this, and if Magistrate Padgett Tillman had any friends or family, they would like to know that he is most likely gone. Right. Room stretches to the north and to the east. What do you do?

North? Yes, go, go to the north. Go to the nearth! Go to the nearth! Go to the nearth! Nearth! You continue moving to the nearth. And you see a door.

The door to the nearth! You see a door to the north. The door to the nearth. Bungleby, might you assist with this door to the north? Yes, immediately. Apply your burglar's tricks in the door to the north. Yes. Immediately. Apply your burglar's tricks and the jolt is eaten off. He first takes a knee,

bows to it, puts his head in the crook of his elbow. The door to the north. And we'll roll to check for traps. Come on, dude. 28. 28, huh?

That's a pretty damn good roll. What was that again that you rolled? Whatever the traps DC is. That's what I rolled. 28. 28 on that door. So Bungleby steps up past Sir Julie and examines this door and hits the perception DC.

Exactly. Whoa! Yes! Yes! And you see a glyph, a glyph not unlike the glyph that Sir Julie set off two days ago in Milwaukee. Joe, who says your luck is bad? Who? Besides them.

Yeah, who aside from everybody. Who says your luck is bad? Who says the person who books tickets for the coldest game in the St. Paul Saints history has bad luck? It was. I never plan outings for the whole crew in cities. And this time I was like, St. Paul Saints. It's a ball game. It's April.

We're going. And it was 21 degrees. And I was like, I'm going to that game, goddammit. And I sat there in my chair just freezing. And around the sixth inning, the announcer came over. He's like, ladies and gentlemen, just want to let you know, it is the coldest game in St. Paul Saints history. The ball club's been around for more than a century and a half.

Yeah. That ball club has been around for more than a century and a half. Yeah. That ball club has been around for 150 years. In Minnesota. In Minnesota. And the 37 people that were there with me were like, Woo! There it is.

St. Paul Joe! St. Paul Joe! St. Paul Joe! St. Paul Joe! St. Paul Joe! St. Paul Joe! St. Paul Joe! I never thought it would happen! St. Paul Joe. What a shitty saint. I want to see a stained glass window of him holding a block of cheddar.

Halo around the... I want to see a stained glass window of him holding a block of cheddar. Halo. You don't even know who St. Paul is. You'd think him and Jesus went to Catholic school together. You couldn't be more wrong. Learn your history, Catholic school boy. Sorry. History. I cheated on my Catholic school tests.

What do we... You found a trap. You want to disable it? No, no. He opens the door. Yeah, he will attempt... He will attempt to disable device. Okay, if you fail by five or more,

you set the trap off. Winter! I'm saying that for the audience. Winter! Cast Guidance. Guidance. Oh! Well, if it isn't Cantrip McGee over here. She gives you a little noogie, and she casts Guidance. That's how Winter does it.

You son of a cannon. A somatic noogie. A somatic noogie. Somatic noogie. Are there somatic components to that noogie? Will you roll a d20? All right. I was looking something very specific up. What are you looking up?

You'll see. You'll see. You'll see. Dude. Crushed it. Dude. Crushed it. Oh. I started off with a Russian Imperial Stalk. Oh.

So I need a little more time on the math. That is a 32. You... You... You disabled. You know it. You You Disable The trap The magical glyph The glyph of warding just

Dissipates And you can now Open the door Without fear of trap Do you open And you can now open the door without fear of trap. Do you open the... I'll open the door. Hey! Forgot you have to say everything in a role-playing game.

You open the door and you see an ice cellar. And he says, ice for sale! Get your ice here! No, ice for sale. Get your ice here. No, he doesn't. It's spelled C-E-L-L-A-R. That's funny. Yes. That's a joke.

Yep. I get it. I get jokes. Are you a professional comedian? Well, I used to be. I'm very tired, yes. I'm retired now. It's a bitterly cold room.

No. Okay. The walls of the bitterly cold room are clad with raw wooden boards, and there are many blocks of hazy ice and wooden crates of various sizes stacked near the walls. The ice tower looks like it's insulated by a one foot wide interspace filled with hay and

sawdust between the stone walls and the wooden cladding boards. You also see a ladder to the northeast leading up. Oh. He will start to creep into the room, stealthily.

So I'll roll stealth for shits and gigs. Oh my god. 35. Nice. Crushing it right now, St. Paul. Where did Bungleby go? Yeah, he's just gone. He goes under one of the tables.

You sneak into the cold, cold room. No one sees you. And I will do a take 20 on perception. There's no one in there. Is there anything of value in here? No. But there is a ladder. Ice is pretty valuable.

Yes. Depending on the era. He'll go to the ladder. Ice is pretty valuable. Yes. Depending on the era. He'll go to the ladder. And he'll look up. What does he see? He looks up and he sees a trap door in the ceiling leading someplace

above you. Anybody have dungeon earring? No. No, we established this in Milwaukee. A terrible party. I do. Six.

What was your bonus? Four. It's a natural two. He looks up. I have no idea where this goes. Perhaps we should turn back. Check it out, thief.

My name is Bunkle. Thief. Check it out, thief. My name is Bungleby. Thief. Check it out, thief. Her shadow just like over him. All right, he will begin to climb the ladder. He'll get to the top to the trap door and check it for traps. Okay.

As is tradition. Sure. Winter spots Bungleby at the bottom, afraid he's going to like electrocute himself and fall back down. Gently cradling Bunglebee's buttocks. 34. Oh, nice.

Damn, Joe! What is happening? Woo! Use up these rolls now when they don't matter. Let me show you what you see, you son of a gun. You actually open the door and move past the... See the shit to the northwest there?

Keep going up. Keep going up. You're in the blood room. Just north of the shit room. You find yourself opening a trap door into this kitchen area

where all those Kuru cannibals were. Had you searched that thoroughly, you would have found a ladder leading to the ice cellar and leading below Iris Hill.

But instead, you went the long way. Sorry. As of right now, it appears to you there are only a few areas left that you have not explored. I'll go back to the basement. There is the east here, leading from the storage room. And then there are the upper floors of Iris Hill. And this room down here to the west.

And this room down here to the west. That one, yes. Don't forget that one. This must be a closet of some kind. Let's check out. We'll dash back out of the ice cellar and look down this eastern hallway. You look down the eastern hallway. Give me a perception check, Sir Julie.

Okay. 17. Oh, boy. Keep moving. I'll do a perception check. For traps. Okay. 34.

Wow! 34. Do you move past Sir Julie to be able to extend your view into this? Sir Julie, wait. Let me go first to make sure there's nothing on the floor as there was in Melisande's room. Of course, you're right. He'll move forward, checking for traps along the way. Sure.

I don't need another roll. Just move forward. Okay. He moves forward. Okay. Oh, he moves forward, and this is what you see. You see a little room that looks like there is a well in the middle of it.

And in fact, if you relate this information to Sir Julie, Sir Julie immediately remembers this sounds very similar to the well that Atticus found when he was attacked by all those rats. Back off, back off, back off. So you push Bungleby towards that room and then slowly, back off, back off. So you push Bunglebee

towards that room and then slowly back. And slowly back off. Come and get it! Well, this must have been the source of the rat machine. Right. Yeah. It's rad.

It all makes sense. We back off and don't engage the rat in the rat king. Yes, and in fact... Amazing. There are so many ways we could have gotten into this. Right. Here, I'll give you this now just so you'll enjoy this. Some great map design.

Go up a little bit on the map here because you'll get a kick out of this as players. There is where you fought the Eldertrains. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. So you could have been here months ago. Wow. Wow.

Boy, aren't we so embarrassed. Egg on our face. Egg on our face. But yes, you could and you couldn't, because Atticus was the only one that could really adequately sneak down there. Shut up. Atticus is a verb now.

And you got, like, filth fever and the plague while doing it. So it wasn't like, come on guys, it's safe. He still has the plague. He still has the plague. Phobonic plague. Right. He's got the plague, motherfucker!

All right. Follow me. You don't want to go down there. You don't want to go down there. No, no, no. Follow me, Sir Julie says, and she goes down to the door of the west and kicks it in.

Oh. The door to the west. Door to the west. Door to go down. No, no, no. Follow me, Sir Julie says, and she goes down to the door of the west and kicks it in. Oh. The door to the weest. Door to the weest. You open the door to the Diane Weest, and sure enough, she's standing right there. I love your work. And she says, what?

I love your work. What is your favorite movie that I've done? Well, how can one choose? Ditheriddle. Wrong answer. Edward Scissorhands. Edward Scissorhands is a great example. Parenthood?

Incorrect. The correct answer was Hannah and Her Sisters. Oh. And a fireball explodes from her chest. You just see an empty cell. There's two heavy wooden pallets. So Julie's having visions again.

There's some manacles. Yeah, she's talking to someone. She's talking to someone called Diane Weiss. Diane. I don't see anything. Diane, no. I really appreciate your work. Extending more than four decades in Hollywood,

really, your longevity inspires us all. And there's no one in the room. Winter. She's just slowly turning to Winter. Winter feels Sir Julie's forehead, and she says, Sir Julie, there's no one in here. Pay your respects to Miss Weest. Oh, gods.

So at Winter, we try to humor her in these situations. Yes, Miss Weest, you are a very accomplished person. Actor. Actor. Of course. We loved all of accomplished person. Actor. Actor. Of course. Who we've loved.

Of course. All of your plays. Bravo. Bravo, indeed. We will leave you now. Go forth and perform again. So Julie says to the empty chamber, There's manacles

hanging off the wall. We're so stupid. Visions of Diane Weiss. That could be the name of the chapter. North by North Weiss. Weiss to Eden. Weiss to Burden. We do this all day. Weest of Eden Weest of Eden Weest of burden Alright We do this all day

You see Go Weest young man Fantastic Weest And where to find it Weest side story There you go Hey Hey

We'll be here All night We're going home tomorrow It looks like there was a sign of struggle In this room and in fact Winter When you see this room you realize You were chained up in here recently And they took you out

To tie you to the star Steela Moments away from probably being sacrificed So you spent time with Miss Weasley Darstila, moments away from probably being sacrificed. So you spent time with Miss Weasley? So stupid. Oh, to be a fly on the wall of that room. Yes, I would often talk to her about her roles.

We would do scenes together. It put her at ease in these troubling, troubling times while we were chained to the wall of this room. I just got chills thinking about you reciting the words of the great many writers that you...

of the many parts she's performed. She's gone, Sir Julie. She left. Oh. You've missed her, Sir Julie. She sends her best. Indeed, you're right. She says she'll write soon.

Oh. That's very good to hear. Shall we proceed? Winter relays the information about the room to the group and says, we were held here. That's it. I want to know what happened to the no role play policy. I know.

We really wanted to move quickly tonight. It was a very clear directive. You spent 30 minutes talking to Diane Weiss. Off the rails. A non-existent Diane Weiss. A non-existent Diane Weiss. Allow me to clarify. Listen, a two-time Academy Award winner, Diane Weiss, shows up in your game.

You engage. You're not wrong. Don't speak. All right, you're done with this floor. Okay, I was wondering. Let's go upstairs, you time wasters. Yeah.

You're back. You're back upstairs. Go down, Joe. Go down. Where is the room with the rug? Yeah. Oh, you know what I gotta do? I gotta put old Winter here,

because Halster is permanently dead. I'll get rid of him. And I will... Bachunk deleted. I will add a little bit of winter. Ichabod Douche Nozzle. Is he in here? A little bit of winter on the map.

No, Ichabod Douche Nozzle is not here. Do you think Halster, when he returns, will have been transformed into some sort of rat superhero a la Catwoman in Batman and the Batman series? Oh, yeah. One can only wonder. And here there were stairs going up. There were stairs.

All right, so this is what you have here. There are stairs going up from this room. You chose to go through the secret door underneath Ichabod Douche Nozzle. Any first-timers here or something? In the room covered with multiple people's feces, there is also a staircase going up.

Let's avoid that room for the moment. Let's avoid that room, I agree. Sydney is like, I'm out of here. She left. That's the room that Big P is passed out

after slipping on the feces and hitting his head on the dining room table. But I can only imagine he's incredibly satisfied after his interlude with Ichabod. Are you going upstairs from this room or from the poop room? From this room.

We're not going back in the poop room. That's on you. All right. Let's see where F3 leads. That's on you Alright Let's see where F3 leads Joe if you scroll the map over Just a bit you'll see that Ichabod Duschnasel Is having some sort of tryst in the forest

Yes Ichabod What are you doing Ichabod What is he doing, Ichabod? What is he doing out there? You just see him fucking a rabbit He's free, it's beautiful Making sweet love to an elm Whilst playing the flute

I hope he uses protection. I hear there's a bad case of Dutch Elm disease going around. You're on fire, dude. It's kind of covered for your map work. There it is! Go down! Down! Down, Joe! Down!

Roll over! Keep going. Roll over. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Keep going. Keep going. Hey. Hey. Hey.

Juicy Joe. Juicy Joe. Juicy Joe. Juicy Joe. Juicy? Juicy Joe. Juicy Joe. Juicy Joe. Juicy Joe! Juicy Joe! Juicy Joe! Juicy Joe! Juicy Joe!

Why is he juicy? Oh, your joke earlier makes it a lot worse. Yikes. Troy, while you're doing this, Joe, I'm going to get some of that stout that you have. Oh, no. Oh, this is a bad idea.

Listen, we're not there yet, but we're not there yet, but I really want to go long tonight. But in order to do that, you all need to keep drinking because I want that bar to just have the best night ever. There's a lot to

go tonight and Diane Weiss took up far too long. So you come up the stairs. I had a dollar for every time I heard that one. We've got a long way to go tonight and Diane Weiss took up too much time. Too much air time. We've got a long way to go tonight, and Diane and we took up too much time.

Too much air time. We've got to keep moving. You come up the stairs, and you see a door. I open it. You open the door. Oh, no, the stealth. Great work. All right, you see a long fucking corridor.

Ooh. Look at this. You've got doors to the left of You got doors to the left of you. Doors to the right of you. Here I am. You're the only door in town. Jimmy Buffet fans. Let us be systematic about this.

I listen at the door to the left, the first door. You listen to the door to the left. And you hear nothing. But you didn't roll a perception check. Literally just a... What did you roll? 17. How would I know that?

I was waiting for my moment. Joe watched me roll the die. I thought you were being amazing in your predictive abilities because I saw his shitty roll and you went, you hear nothing. Sometimes regardless of what you roll, I give the same answer. And you hear nothing.

Great sword in hand, I turn the doorknob and open it. Cluck, clink. You open the door. Oh, man. You see a little tiny bedroom. Looks like it used to belong to a child. Oh. Oh.

Have we seen this room depicted in a painting? Let me finish. Okay. There is a thick layer of dust covering most of the furniture in this room. And a single wooden chair. The bed looks like it hasn't been used in years. in this room, and a single wooden chair. The bed looks like it hasn't been used in years.

It's made perfectly, thick layer of dust, even on the bed itself. The only thing that looks disturbed in the room is the wooden chair, which you can see has the imprint in the dust of a body that looks like it sat there recently, whereas everything else in the room from first glance looks completely undisturbed, like undisturbed for years. Was this Lyle's bedroom as a child? Lyle's bedroom as a child. So, perhaps he came back here to experience some memory,

come to terms with some aspect of his horrific past. It's possible. Shall we move on? Yes, I do not want to go in that room. The chair seems... The chair seems ominous. The chair is bothering me. Very, very creepy.

Close the, thank you, close the door. There's a door directly to your right, but then there's two other doors to the north. Let's do the one to the right. And we will roll dice to listen at the door. Okay, roll that dice. I don't know, it doesn't have to be me. Do it. It really doesn't have to be me. It really

doesn't have to be me. I could roll it. We both listen. Natural 20. Yes! Wow. Feels like a wasted roll, but yes, I listen really well.

What's your total perception? That's going to be a 25. You hear nothing. I open the door. Then move your fucking character up there. Okay, I move. Now I open the door. Winter Klaxa opens the door,

and you see what appears to be the master bedroom. Ooh. Ooh. It is decorated in a pseudo-Kadiran style. Ooh. Exotic. I don't know what that is.

Yes, there is. I don't know what that is. Because I'm not a loser. Go ahead, nerd. Describe it to me. Nerd! Listen to yourself, LaVallee. It's a pseudo-Cadiran style.

I didn't write this. There are intricate Kadiran patterns carved in the wood paneling. You see a sumptuous four-poster bed with a minaret-like canopy sitting against the

southeastern wall. I want to know if Paizo wrote sumptuous or if you wrote sumptuous. Because I have a feeling I know the answer. He's looking at his notes. Paizo. All right.

The furniture in this Kaderan-style room, Sydney, includes an ebony writing desk and a large L-shaped armoire. I think, assuming this is Lous' bedroom, Winter will walk inside and check the ebony writing desk for a journal, a diary, something of importance. Winter walks in.

Sir Julie accompanies her. Sir Julie accompanies her, and as you do, you both see hanging on the wall, like a little peg, is a long greatcoat. A long, dark greatcoat that you didn't see until you walked into the room. Looks pretty worn out.

But Sir Julie and Winter enter the room and go up to the ebony desk. What is Aldo and Butterbean? What's your name? Butterbean. What does Aldo and Butterbean do? Butterbean slips into the room.

He is looking around the walls for art. For things of value. You're looking around for art. What you notice is that the Kadiran decor, Sidney doesn't notice this, but the rest of you notice. What does it look like? It looks Kadiran. And it also looks like it was added later. A belligerent

PFS GM. It looks Kediri. I'm just going to Google it. You know what? Thanks, but no thanks. I'm going to Google it. It's like Istanbul-ish. Thank you. Thank you, Joe. That's all I wanted. Thank you. In my defense, I didn't know.

However, it looks like it was added later because it doesn't match the rest of the decor, so maybe Melly Sen was using the master bedroom and wanted to spruce it up with some Istanbulian art. It's a crude example. Not Constantinople.

Not Constantinople. Not Constantinople. Sorry, it's not our business. Nobody's, but. It's nobody's business, but. The Turks. Do all four of you walk into the room? Yes. Give me a perception check.

Natural one. Shit. Dirty 20. Dirty 20. An absolutely filthy 32. Oh, dear Alva. They've gusted. A slightly less filthy 28.

Ooh. Some good rolls. A couple things are going to happen. Oh. First thing is, as Winter and Sir Julie start to walk into the room, and Aldo and Butterbean are shortly behind them, you hear what sounds like a woman singing. Oh.

Aldo. Not good. Aldo grabs Winter by the shoulder and says, channel, channel now! Winter channels. Winter starts channeling positive energy and she countersings. Oh.

Roll for initiative. Yeah, baby! Roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll. Roll for initiative. Are we having fun? Say pop! Roll, rick-a-roll, rick-a-roll, rick-a-roll for initiative. Are we having fun, St. Paul? Sydney the cleric all day long. I'll take it.

Let's do it. Winter, what did you roll for initiative? Not good for what I said I was doing, but that's a 10. Slowly. Aldo? Also a 10. Also a 10. Who's got the higher-end-ish bone?

Probably you. Plus 6. Yes. Wow. You're not going to believe this. No. I also rolled a 10. What?

What? What's your bone? I've got a 2. Plus 0. Okay, 2. This is exhausting. This could be the best moment in the history of the network Joe what'd you roll?

Can't do it I can't lie 18 I rolled an 8 I'm sorry Boo Boo Well Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom!

Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom!

Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom!

Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom!

Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom!

Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom!

Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom!

Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom!

Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom!

Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom!

Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom!

Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom!

Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom!

Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! ! Boom!

! !! I'm the surprise round. That everybody failed? A 30. A 32? Yep. Wow. DC 38. Oh. Are you kidding me? Why even make it DC? Why would you even put that in the book? There isn't a character built to see that. Just a natural 20. Sounds like a you problem.

All right. Just say it's not going to happen. Yeah, I know. Why would you put... Near the bed! Just say it's not going to happen. Yeah, I know. Why would you put... Near the bed! You see the disembodied head

of a beautiful woman appear and hanging from her severed head are the entrails that would be connected to a body

if there was a body there. Think Sub-Zero's fatality in the original Mortal Kombat. But much, much grosser. She appears. An explosion of golden glittery particles

bursts around you. Give me a save. The save that I want you to roll. Will. Will save. Will save. Oh, I thought you were talking to someone named Will. I was just waiting for you.

I'm going to roll my new Norse foundry die. As am I. As am I. We don't need your life story. Just give me the number. Let's take this brand new die out for a spin. This could... 90-16 for 24. Norse Foundry.

Joey Jojo? Come on, Nor... Fuck! Norse Foundry, you bastard! Norse Foundry. That is a 39. Oh, no. You're going to be so mad.

Sydney? Special guest Sydney? 27. That's the big one. There might be a channel in you yet. And Skidmore? That is Eldo got a 16. Some of the audience went

nope. Oh dear. Ever heard of a spell called Glitter Dust? Because when you fail that spell, you blind. And Aldo and Bungleby

are blind. Oh, come on. You'll get a new save at the end of your round to see if you can end the blindness effect, but you're all covered with this golden, glittery bedazzlement. So if you try to go invisible, it doesn't matter. It's not going to happen. It makes my armor look awesome.

You look fabulous. Round one. Oh, look at that. She goes again. However, let's just put her on the map. I want you to see her. I want you to look at the face of your enemy before she kills Winter. Oh.

Let me do a little blow up here. Hello. Oh, God. Oh, no. do a little blow-up here. Hello! Oh, God! Oh, no! You didn't tell us she has her lungs and her stomach. It's like a... Possibly her liver?

A Junji Ito. It's so good. I love it. Somebody really fucked up Gene Simmons. Is that an actual pair of lungs? Yep. Oh, shit. And kidneys.

No, I think that's a stomach. You shut up, Matthew. What are you, an anatomist now? She is going to cast a spell. While she is singing, she just... Like she was slamming on a guitar, a Gene Simmons like this guitar.

And lets loose a little thing called Chord of Shards. That's a good one. Everybody give me a reflex, John. Oh, hell yeah. Hell yeah. Back in the Council of Thieves days, Skid used to rip off a few... None of these people were here for that.

Oh, Jane Lowe. Jane Lowe. Oh, actually, yeah. Tour de Chard. Yeah, and the other guy. Yeah. Johnny Halfway? No, no.

What was his name? I don't know. Toby Bramble. Toby Br't know. Toby Bramble. Toby Bramble. Toby Bramble. This was in their home game that none of you were privy to. None of you were there for, yeah. Hope you enjoyed that little side talk.

Let me see their reflex save there, Sue Jerley. Natural 20. Oh! For a 22. Yeah. Obviously, the rogue reflexes your jam. I'm sure you crushed this one, right, buddy? Nope.

16. That's a fail. What about winter? 22. Not bad. 22, buddies. Looks like that trip to the gift store went well. Maybe you shouldn't have skipped out on your friends and went to the movie.

Skid, what'd you roll reflex-wise? I have a very good reflex save. Plus seven. I rolled my new Bloodstone. Gorgeous Bloodstone Norse Foundry die. I rolled a natural two. That's Norse Foundry. All your random number generating

needs. Aldo and Bungleby take seven points of piercing damage as the notes of this cord transform into a shower of razor sharp crystalline shards.

And now it is Bungleby's turn. He's fucking blind and filled with fucking shrapnel. And he's just like, Oh, what the fuck? Oh! Oh!

I think that was a full round action. Aldo. I don't know what to do. Do you want to do anything? I don't know, man. Are you the only blind one, or are you a blind too? I'm also blind. You're blind.

Yeah, I'll show you where she is. Do you want to hold, or do you want to go rogue? Aldo. See, that wasn't even intentional. It just kind of happens. Worth the price of admission. When I actually play. Aldo, do you want to hold as well,

or do you want to strike out boldly into the dark? I'm going to hold, and I'm going to be screaming. It says, ah, where is she? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Winter's turn.

Winter is going to channel positive energy. Oh, look who's going to channel positive energy, but you're going to channel to try to hurt her. What? Yes. Only at her selective casting at her healing her with positive energy.

No. No. Hurting her. Hurting her. Hurting her. Healing positive energy that hurts her because she's bad. We talked about this in Milwaukee. Very confusing. Yeah, I'm doing the one that hurts her. Thanks. I don't want to tell tales after school,

but you are just assuming she's undead. Yes, with my knowledge of being a cleric in necromancy, with Phrasma as my god, I am assuming she's undead. Okay. There are mechanics for that as well, if you wish to... Oh, also, I do have my aura. Is she evil? I know that.

Uh, do you? Yes, my aura. Let's roll a knowledge religion. Let's see what you do know, Winter Klaxa. Hmm. I don't have religion. You have religion. Do I? Yes. Hold on.

It's Easter weekend. We all have a little religion. Oh, I do. It's a lot, actually. Yeah. She just found God. 24. 24? Yeah.

Now we can talk like adults. This is a creature known as a penanggalen. Penanggalen. I just wanted to see if I could make Joe spit his drink out. This is a penanggalen. Your friends have fought a menanggalen. This is a... Menanggalen.

Penanggalen. Wait, was that the torso? The menanggalen was the torso, yes. This is the Penanggalen. The Penanggalen, you know, as a wise religious cleric, creates Mananganals. She is like this beautiful, sexy woman

that just walks around during the day creating Mananganals, looking for victims that she the day creating monongonals. Looking for victims that she can fucking turn into monongonals. Monongonal. But she's a penanggalen. Penanggalen. I relay this to the party. No!

I relay this to the party. Wait! It's a penangolin. Winter yells back, it's a penangolin! They create penangolols! None of you know what that means. Alright, I'm going to roll a will save to try and avoid taking full damage from your chanzoni.

What is the DC of your channel? That's a really good question. It's going to take 45 minutes. Oh, nice. What were you going to say, Joe? Shut up. Made it. I'm only going to take half damn. Alright, that's 3d6. Watch this be like four points

of difficulty. It's not good. Seven total. You take three. Oh, no. It's not good. Oh, no. Fuck! Seven total. You take three. Oh, three. Damn it! Ow, she says.

I got confused. Penang-a-lang, menong-a-nong. I was, like, looking through a book. I got confused. I guess I got confused. Three points of damage. It is Sir Julie's. Do you want to move?

Where am I on the map? Hold on. You're right up next to her. I am definitely going to move, and I go like this, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, to the corner of the room, arms out. Okay. So like a coward, you run. No, like a cleric. Sorry, I think you're confusing the words.

Like a cowardly cleric, you run to the southwest corner, and it is Sir Julie Andrews, a paragon of good. southwest corner, and it is Sir Julie Andrews, a paragon of good. Does this Penang Lang look anything like the ghost of Lao's mother that we encountered already? No.

Okay. In that case, I shall step up. You are being interrogated by Congress. We're sitting like it, too. Wait, player question, though. No. No.

No. Player question, because I'm dumb. Penangalang is undead. This floating head with entrails? You're not 100% sure. In the traditional sense. Sorry, is it evil? Let's take a look.

Let's pull the audience. Good or evil audience? Tough call. Tough call. I need to know for damage for spells. She might just be misunderstood. All right. She's evil.

Thank you. I rest my case. That is true neutral if I've ever seen it. Are you asking if the headless entrail dripping thing that goes around killing people and turning them into monogamals is evil? Just forget it. And you gave me shit for the Diane Weiss thing? I ask a real question to the GM.

Hannah and her sister. Sir Julie will step up and take a swing. Power attack furious. Power attack furious focus. Power attack furious focus. That is going to be a 25. Yes! If only Aldo and Bungleby could furious focus. That is going to be a 25. Yes! If only Aldo and Bungleby could see it.

That's a hit. That's going to be minimum damage. 15 points of damage. Gross. And then I shall shout, It's here! Right, follow the sound of my voice and then add five feet.

Follow the sound. Triangulate between the sound of my voice and the sound of her shrill singing. What a battle tactician Sir Julie is. I describe her in such a way that's unmistakable. There she is.

Would Bungleby and Aldo like to take their turn? I'm scared to. The thing is, like, if I throw one of my bombs and miss, I don't get to exclude any allies from the bomb's effects. Right. So I'm really afraid of missing. So I think I'm just going to continue to hold. Can't see.

Continue to hold. What about you, Bungles? He'll bungle up there. He'll bungle into that situation. Okay. Tripping over himself. Falls. Falls into Sir Julie's back.

Bangs his nose on her armor. Walks straight into the bed. What did you say? Five feet. And he stabs with a dagger. It's so dumb. 50% mischance. It's so dumb. 50% mischance.

It's so preposterous. You might hit it. Ridiculously stupid. 21 to hit. Okay, now can you miss the 50% mischance? 88 on the job. Oh! Far be it from me. Four max damage.

Nine points of damage. Okay. What kind of weapon do you have? A plus one dagger. Okay. Feels like that didn't all go through. Feels like you should shut your mouth. How? It feels like that didn't all go through. It feels like you should shut your mouth. How dare you talk to me like that?

Should I fight him? Is this like a violence crowd? It's not Portland yet. It's a bunch of drunk Midwesterners. What do you think? Isn't Brock Lesnar from here? Yeah! Alright.

Aldo's gone. Bunglebee has moved in the Anish Ord and it goes to the top of round two. This is when it will be her turn and if, for example, she had any fast healing,

that would click on right now. I'm just talking aloud, just making some notes to myself. Ho, hum, hum, ho. How about a full attack? Wait, wait, wait. Shut up. Didn't you say we get to save every round

on the blindness oh juicy joe's coming after you motherfucker and his name is john c Juicy Joe's coming after you, motherfucker. And his name is John Cena! Each round at the end of their turn, blind creatures may attempt new saving throws to end the blindness John.

Aldo did not take his turn. It says John. It does say John. Hero Lab needs some Paisos coming around. Give me a will save to see if you end your blindness. Thirteen. You've wasted all of our time.

I'm going to take my turn. You're going to take your turn? He's going to scream, I wish I weren't blind! Natural 19. Yes! Oh, she's so dead. So, wait a minute. So, hearing Sir Julie's cry, you just hurl it in the direction just beyond Sir Julie.

With no sight whatsoever, give me a 50% mischance. No, no, no. No, that was his save. Oh, that was your save? Yeah. He just spent his turn. Oh, he spent the turn to take the... You son of a bitch. He's gonna give it to you, Troy. That's right. Sorry, I

should have taken X gonna give it to you more seriously. That's on me as the GM. It is now her turn. I'm upset with your gameplay. What else is new? I can't believe we thought we'd get through this. What a fool.

What a fool. It is her turn, and she is now just going to not do what the book suggests, because I think this is more fun and dangerous. Who should I bite, and who should I slam? They're both bad. Halter! Halter. Halter.

Halter. I'll be right back. I concur. I concur as well. I open. I concur, doctor. I open the sarcophagus. Let me, give me one moment to consult with my attorney.

Halster. I am going to bite Bungleby. Or attempt to bite... Talking to Steve. 23. Yeah. A couple things are going to happen. First is the damage.

Six points of damage. Give me a fortitude save. Oh, no. Halfling. Are you immune to anything? Not fortitude-based. Okay. Oh, no. Halfling. Are you immune to anything? Not fortitude based. Okay. Here we go.

Come on, Norse Foundry. You failed me twice. Come on. Natty 19. Yeah. A 25. A 25. Then she goes to slam Sir Julie, just hitting her with a lung.

Never in all my years. Take that, Knight. 27 to hit. Yeah. Thanks to old neon green. Oh! Made the trip. Things have been rolling rocks backstage.

Talk about a couple things that are going to happen. First, let's just deal with a regular little damage. Four points of damage. Okay, man, I'm going to fuck you up, Sir Julian. Give me a fortitude save. This is a disease. You're a disease. Find a nickel for a return.

No, it's a supernatural job. Not a fear effect. Nope. You should be afraid, though. Natural one. Oh, no! Matthew! This is going to be so bad oh no

her entrails drip with this fucking bile of blisters that just starts to wither your flesh when she slams you with her lung you take two points of charisma damage

and three points of charisma damage. Oh! And three points of dex damage. Oh, my God! Oh, she's not done! Because then she goes to grab you. A lung doesn't even have opposable thumbs. It's a lung grab. This is going to be close.

Classic lung grab. Yeah, 17 against CMD. Get out of here. Get out of here. Get out of here? Get out of here. Nice. Did you add your dex drain?

Oh. How many dex? There was three charisma and how many dex? It was two charisma and three dex. Don't embarrass yourself. Can we roll back the tape? Can we roll back the tape? Can we roll back the tape? There is no tape.

Still, gather. Yeah! Not bad, Sir Julie. Not bad. It is Winter Klax's turn. Yep. Not good.

I think still... From a distance, save his bet. From a distance. Yeah. I'm going to again channel positive energy. Okay. Make your will save. I shall.

Actually, this is going to be close. I think I still have it because I get a little plus bone to my channel resistance. That's going to be a 19. Yeah, that saves. Give me your shitty half damage. Okay. All right. Fuck it.

It's the same. It's the same as last time I rolled seven. It's three. I don't know what's happening. Wow. Well, the good news is it gets past all of her damage reduction. So she gets three total. Yep.

Great. The bad news is it's terrible. Do you want to move at all? Fuck no. No. Well, Sir Julie, you are ugly and less dexterous than you were six seconds ago. It was a better time six seconds ago. A better time.

I remember those past seconds so fondly. Your friends are looking at you differently. I don't care. I know I have other strengths besides my good looks. We need to get out of this fast. I'm going to smite evil. Yeah, there you go. Sir, duly!

In Winter's Knowledge Check, or I could roll my own if you need me to, is this Penangalang an outsider with the evil subject? Or an undead creature? It's undead. Undead. It's undead. Andead. It's undead. And evil. Yes, you know this. So I get some bonuses.

Yeah. Full attack. Okay. And Smiting Evil doesn't provoke. This is just a switch. Okay. All right, so you're Smiting Evil. You see this.

You fought creatures like this in the world wound, but now you're uglier and older. That is a critical older. Uh, that is a critical threat. Oh, yes! Critical threat, critical threat, critical critical threat! I take it back. I'm wrong.

I had left the keen edge on, and it has certainly been more than ten minutes. How embarrassing. It still is a 33 to hit. Okay. That is a hit. Okay. This is going to be 33 points of damage.

Oh, shit! I smite thee, creature. That was significant. And no DR. FYI. You just walk out and you come back and you're going to tell me how to run my show? That's what I do. It's called a backseat GM.

Look it up. Now I shall take my second attack. That's fine. Tweener, 19 to hit. Get out of here with that shit. You got a big hit, though. All right, and I will take a five-foot step back. Okay, the newly unblinded Bunglebee can now act.

So Julie just heroically smashed this thing. Are you a hero? Yeah. But I'm a blind hero. I'm blind as shit. Unless someone cast remove blind while I was in the bathroom. Make your save, though.

No, I didn't. You get another chance to make your save now. At the end of your turn. At the end. Oh, the end of the turn. So I'm going to just wildly stab. Okay. 50% mischance.

You know where she is. 50% mischance. And I miss on the mischance regardless. And then second attack and miss on the mischance. Okay. Thanks for wasting everybody's time. And then save. And then save!

All right. It's Will, right? It keeps being Will? No, it's Bunglebe. These people paid for these jokes. What game are we playing? That's a 17. DC 18.

So sorry. Thanks for playing, bungles. It's Aldo's turn. Aldo, can you turn the tides here? Aldo looks to the heavens and says, It's a miracle I can see! And he moves across the room to the other side of the bed. Nice.

Great position. Pulls out one of his bombs from his belt. I can see a lot better! He's got a bomb. Alright, so I want to explain here. Because the Walgreens in the city close at 5pm on a weekend. Makes a ton of sense.

I was not able to buy any more little bags of M&M's, but there is Candyland a few doors down. A little loose candy store. I had probably the most stressful encounter I've had with a vendor in the last several months trying to describe

what I wanted her to give me. But I have these little bags of candy. They will function as my bombs. So he cocks back his arm And shouts out Have a little fire, Scarecrow That was not that woman unconscious That light career

As the light Nailed that Fresnel and came down At lightning speed That is an 18 against Touch AC That's a hit Yeah, buddy lightning speed. That is an 18 against touch AC. That's a hit. Yeah, buddy! Oh, and this fire's gonna be juicy.

Okay, that is 15 points of fire damage. You notice that not all of that goes through. Perhaps she has a little resistance fire. Perhaps she is still ablaze, however. She has caught

fire herself. She has caught fire. She can resist that, too. All that hair. It smells like singed, undead hair in this room. Raw fortune. It's like Matthew in a room full of candles.

Gotta be careful how close I walk to them. We tried to shoot a video of Matthew recreating the police video where Sting dances in that room full of candles. Stunk to high heaven. Cameraman couldn't take it anymore. Terrible. It's round three, and it's her turn, so what do I take? More fire damage? anymore. Cerebral. It's round three, and it's her turn, so what do I, I take more fire damage?

Yes. Let's see if it gets past her resist. Probably not. Two points of fire damage. As Matthew would say, get out of here with that shit. It's my turn. And I'm mad. And I'm mad. Alright. Oh, that looks pretty good. Alright, here we go. And I'm mad. All right.

Oh, that looks pretty good. All right. Here we go. Who's got really shitty fortitude? The blind halfling. Me. I, the paladin, have poor fortitude. She unleashes an ear-piercing scream,

which doesn't provoke because you're blind. Give me a fortitude save. Rogue. Fail. Oh my god. This is bad. He's gonna be... Yeah. I just want you to come over to my box here. I'm gonna steal your thunder.

I want you to look... Wait, what? You stole my thunder? No, I'm just gonna... I know what else happens besides the damage, which is the least of my concerns. 11. Okay.

I rolled the 3d6. Yeah. I would like you to come look at the 3d6. No. I'd rather not. I would like you... I'd rather not. Come look at the 3D6. Yeah. I would like you to come look at the 3D6. No. I'd rather not. I would like you... I'd rather not. Come look at the 3D6!

Stop making me do things I don't want to do! Joe, it's not good. As your attorney, I advise you not to look. Oh! How many sixes did I roll? You rolled more sixes than I ever rolled in any ability score roll in all of middle school. Three sixes.

Maximum scream damage. Maximum scream damage. You take 18 points of damage, and you're dazed. For one round. Dazed. For one round. Joe. Dazed. Blind. It's not like I did anything!

God damn it, Joe. Have you forgotten, Cindy, what it's like to play with Joe? I blame Joe. Troy's rolling, I'm like, Joe! Damn it! I'll heal you, don't worry, buddy.

Rock's over here. Oh, blind and dazed McGee. Woo! It's Winter's turn. Winter, you have been also pretty poorly effective with your three points of damage you've done the last couple of rounds. Care to switch up your tactics?

Nope. I'm going to turn it around. I'm going gonna channel positive energy positively and heal my allies. Ah. Alright. There we go. I like it. That's what I call a waste of channel. That's

not true. Yes, that's well documented. Oh! Okay, that one's fine. Oh! Okay. Six. Seven. Four! Okay. Six. Fourteen points. Fourteen points. Nice!

A true cleric. I want to heal. I don't want to hurt. You want to heal. You don't want to hurt. Okay. Sir Julie. Five foot step up. Might. Power attack, furious focus, etc. etc. This foot step up. Might. Power attack, furious focus, et cetera, et cetera. This should do it.

This thing is so dead. 32 to hit. There we go. Yes. Okay. That is 30 points of damage. It was a poor roll, by the way. All right, all right, 30 points of damage.

Carry the two. Divide it by three. And... What are you guys talking about? Revise. It is... Joe is correct. It is only 23 points of damage.

So sorry. She's still alive. Okay. Second attack. One more. Finish her off. Natural one. Natural one, natural one. No. Yikes. Oh, it's coming for us now.

It is Bungleby Luna's turn. He's blind. He's dazed. He's dying. What can you do? You are unable to act normally. You can take no actions. But you have no penalty

to your AC. It is Aldo's turn. I'm going to roll a save. Against the blind? Only because it's the rules of the game. Here we go. 19? You said it was DC 18, right?

DC 18. Yeah! So, well, oh, this is a good question. I was going to say it's kind of like sleep paralysis. So he opens his eyes, but he's dazed. Now, is he dazed? Yes. It doesn't just last for one round? It does last for one round.

This is the round that it lasts for. Oh, so it goes back to her turn. Alright, alright. It's Aldo's turn. This is the round that it lasts for. Alright, Aldo draws one more bomb.

One final bomb. Send thee back to hell! Oh, yeah! That is a 19 against touch AC. 19 against touch. It's a hit finish it it's over

that is 16 points of fire damage 16 points of fire damage minus the 10 energy resistance fire and she is still wow resistance 10 resistance 10 oh Wow! Resistance 10! Resistance 10!

Oh. And it's her turn at the top of round four. She, by the way, grew up in St. Paul. Oh. If you're on the fence about

who you move to. Before you move on. So that's a standard action, me throwing the bomb. So as my move action, I'm going to draw a wand. Also, it's her turn. Take burn damage. It doesn't matter. We found out. Oh, wait.

It would have to be more than 10 points. Oh, right, because 10. Well, fuck it. Never mind. You come here, and you play two shows, and you think you know everything. You're right Technically I'm right There's mitigating circumstances

Her hair burns a little bit more, it smells like shit Go back to Brooklyn, hippie It's her turn She's mad Got a little glitter dust. A little hold purse. Hold purse. Hold my purse.

I want to do these. Yeah, please, hold my purse. That's a fourth level spell she just expended. That's not true. She's a bard. Pretty cool, huh? Yeah, of course she is. Court of Shards.

Penanglin Bard. All right, I'm going to do the attacks again. But I think I'm going to do the attacks again. But I think I'm going to do them both on Bungleby. Come for me, coward. No. No, I don't want to do that. I just want to fuck you up, Bungleby.

Here we go. Let's do the bite. First is the bite. 22 on the bite against a dazed Bungleby. Yeah, he's dazed, looking far off gaze. He doesn't know it's there. And you go and hit him and he's just like Miss. Yes!

Somehow. How is he doing this? Is he a hero? It's embarrassing for both of us. Alright, here comes the slam This is the one that can really mess you up This is the thing that withered What was left of Sir Julie's

Shitty looks She whacked me with her lung Natural one Yes That's the text damage one Oh yes Come on you bastard That's the dex damage one. Oh, yes. Come on, you bastard.

The Disney Group Tumble fan. To confirm the thumb. Confirm thumb. Yeah! The Monster, the Rumble, the Disney Group Tumble fan. To confirm the thumb. All right. Let's go to who is Christian from Roseville, Minnesota here. Sister Christian, your time has come. Hi, Christian.

We're going to read your motherfucking fumble right now. All right. Big thank you to Michael, by the way, who has helped us curate these so that we can get you guys better ones. Christian from Roseville, Minnesota. Are we living in a simulation? Yep. You ponder the nature of reality, causing your weapon to temporarily blink out of existence.

You lose control as your weapon passes through the target and reappears on the other side. Natural weapon, which is what you did, make a reflex save to keep from falling prone. Oh! So it's a reflex save against my A sizzle. Yeah, yeah. Nice. She hits you with her lung, but okay.

Hey, that's a heavy lung. It's a heavy lung, and it hurts when you lose it. 27. She's all right. So it's just a miss. It's just a miss, but thank you, Christian. Yeah. Thank you, Christian.

Where's Roseville? Is that close to here? Yeah. Yeah? Right over there. That way. It's just that way. People are pointing to the lights.

Up there. It's right up there. That's Roseville. It's in the ceiling of the building? It's a very small town. What a quaint little town. Good for that town. It's in the north!

To the north! The town to the north! All right. Everybody shut up. It's winter the noose! To the noose! The town to the noose! All right. Everybody shut up. It's Winter's turn. I can't believe you thought we were going to get through this. Yeah. With these rules?

It's like you forgot there's an audience here. That slows things down a little bit. I knew we wouldn't. I'm going to do the only thing that I know gets through. I'm going to do another channel positive to damage know gets through. I'm going to do another channel positive to damage. There you go. Because everything I have is useless. It's just buffs. That's a good thing. Alright.

Make your woolsick. Tell me what to do. A guest in my house. Natural one. Again. He's chaining one. Me hungry. Okay.

It's ten damage. It all goes through. I hold my holy symbol. It's a dagger. She's dead. Yeah! Sydney! Oh, yes!

My dagger just glides through the lungs. Cuts him open and trails to the floor. With a channel? Yeah, with a channel. It was channel positive dagger?

It's like a non-corporeal dagger. It just goes through and cuts it open. It's beautiful. It's ethereal. Cool. Thank you. Good save. Thank you, Cindy.

Amazing. Thank you. All right. It's late. Everybody shut up. The creature falls to the ground from the strength of that channeled dagger. It's a holy symbol.

Nixon. I checked the ebony desk. Shut up. You checked ebony? Check the ebony desk. And search her body. Yeah, that too. You look through the folds of her lungs and kidneys.

What are the contents of her stomach? Yeah. Like jaws. You can tell from the size of her liver that she's a drinker. Oh. You hate to see it. She is from St. Paul. Clearly a Midwesterner by the size of that, the massive size of that yellowed liver.

What was her name? Her name, you don't know. Perhaps you'll never know. What's in the desk? What's in the desk? What's in the desk? Let's talk about this room. Let's talk about the armoire.

First. Because I want to go in my order. It's disorganized. I refuse to search the armoire. Nah, I'm kidding. It's disorganized. I refuse to search the armoire. No, I'm kidding. It's fair enough. What's in the armoire? You want to search the whole room?

Yes. We take 20. Take 20. Taking 20. We are moving at blazing speed. Let's see. Where do I want to start? You know what?

Let's talk about the armoire. It's rather disorganized and grimy. Like Matthew's bathroom. My bathroom is spotless. Hair everywhere. There is a eclectic collection of expensive clothing, unlike

Matthew's bathroom. That part is true. It's everything from Baby Gap. It's for him, not his daughter. Oh, is it I were Baby Gap? It had a baby. He has a baby. No, it's for him, though. It's like a pair of skorts. I see.

The proportion better. When the weather's nice, he walks through Astoria Park in his new skorts from Baby Gap. You see an ample cloak, a fur coat, The weather's nice. He walks through Astoria Park in his new skorts. From Baby Gap. You see an ample cloak, a fur coat, a frock that Sidney wouldn't recognize because it is Kaderan-styled.

What is that? I can't even see it. I don't even know what it is. I'm stymied by that frock. It's like it's from another world. You see a couple of silk turbans, a wide-brimmed hat, and half a dozen shirts

with lace-trimmed collars and sleeves. You're looking through everything, and you see that coat on the peg on the wall, and you're looking through that as well and you see a folded piece of parchment in the pocket of the coat. It is a permit

to visit an inmate of Briarstone Asylum named Ulver Zandalus. Praise, praise. Praise, praise. Words fail. The issued by signature says, Administrator Eliage Losandro.

R.I.P. On the writing desk lies a disorderly stack of handwritten notes. And as you start to read them, you realize you're reading Lyle's notes. They're a little all over the place. But as you start to go through them, you spend some time,

you see the last note in this stack mentions someone named the Mad Poet. Who apparently told the Count to look for a book called the Necronomicon. That's all the Kadir and stuff. Yeah, right. In the note, Liles mentions some names you recognize. Aldo Atticus

Cartham Allisord Burrell Halster Price and some other names you don't even recognize and it says that you are all companions of his in a revelatory dream

he writes and I quote the sacrifice of their minds put them into a fugue state but they lived unable to remember their lives or react to outside stimuli Lowles concludes this last note

by saying that you are to be turned over to the warden of Briarstone Asylum, quote, according to our agreement. Whoever's reading this aloud. Aldo, you hear the note being read. And suddenly you are taken back somewhere else, a different place, a different time. You look around you, and you see Atticus walking with you. You see Mrs. O'Lady. You see the Green Loser. Always a chance to bring it up Every show, huh?

He falls in the sand Stands up Takes a few more steps Falls again Poops himself You see Halster And a handful of other faces With you that are blurry

And You all seem to be walking together and a handful of other faces with you that are blurry. And you all seem to be walking together in a dreamlike desert, like something out of a Salvador Dali painting. Amazing. And just in the distance is a man whose features you can't quite make out from the haze of the desert heat, but you see that he's wearing the same overcoat

that you just pulled that note out of. Looks like he has a long bleared beard. Okay. That's how they say it out here. A traditional Kaderan bleared. here A traditional Kaderan bleared Right, a Kaderan bleared What is that? You wouldn't understand

I'll tell you later, Sidney You wouldn't know He has a long beard And these tiny little like John Lennon glasses John Lennon? Who's that? John Lennon had a bleared? Yes John Lennon. Who's that? John Lennon had a blearded?

Yes. In his late life, he was heavily blearded. Blearded. Heavily blearded John Lennon. So you see this guy. He's got that overcoat on. He has a beard and John Lennon glasses. And he's watching you and all of your companions approaching a hut

in the distance in this moment you are certain that this man is Count Hazerton Liles the fourth accompanying you and Atticus and Halster and Burl and Mrs. O'Lady and some other people up ahead you see this hut.

And you see a man walk out of the hut. His features you can't quite make out as well, but he appears very, very old. And he looks at you and all of your friends and says, call me the mad poet, Abdul Alhazred. And we'll see you in Portland.

Oh my goodness! The mad poet! Thank you, St. Paul! Thank you, St. Paul! Should we come back? You guys. Paul! Should we come back? You guys are amazing! Should we come back? You promise you'll come?

All right! We're coming back! Thank you.