The Glass Cannon Podcast - Strange Aeons Episode 40 – Motile Bloodbath

Episode Date: July 28, 2022

Glass Cannon Live! returned to Columbus in the shadow of Ohio State campus for another night of Strange Aeons madness. The heroes enacted an inception-like ritual to enter the Dreamlands, but the seemingly abandoned caravanserai they found may hold more than they bargained for. Join Troy Lavallee, Joe O'Brien, Skid Maher, Grant Berger and Matthew Capodicasa as they tour the country playing the Lovecraftian Horror Strange Aeons Pathfinder Adventure Path. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/8j4k9gMtfNs Recap 18:33 Gameplay 26:50 For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for exclusive content and benefits, subscribe today at patreon.com/glasscannon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, I just got us a new Coca-Cola Spiced. Nice. What's it taste like? It's like barefoot water skiing while dolphins click with glee. Whoa, let me try. Nah, it's like gliding on a gondola through waving waters as a mermaid sings. Nah, it's like Coca-Cola with a refreshing burst of raspberry and spiced flavors. Yeah. Try new Coca-Cola, with a refreshing burst of raspberry and spiced flavors. Yeah.

Try new Coca-Cola Spiced today. Ooh, French lavender soy blend candle. I told you HomeSense has good gift options. Hmm, well, I don't know. Mom's going to love it. She'll take one sniff and be transported to that anniversary trip you took to San Tropez a few years ago. Forget it. She complained about her sunburn the whole trip. It's only

$14. $14? Now that's a vacation I can get behind. Deal so good, everyone approves. Only at HomeSense. Thank you. You can't beat us, come on! Come on, guys. Beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef. Yeah.

Oh, it's a big beef town, I guess. Wasn't expecting the beef. I got such a kick out of this last time. Let's try it again. O-H! It's louder than beef. That's just fun. That's good, clean, American fun, Skid.

How we doing, Buckeyes? How we doing, guys? and fun skin. How we doing, Buckeyes? Any hot co-eds here tonight? I see one in the front row with a goatee. Oh, hello. Are you into dad bods and can keep a good secret?

My flight's at 7. We'll talk. We are so excited to be back here in Columbus tonight. Back at this historic venue. This is so fun. This is the first time we've flown between venues in the same week. We were in D.C. doing a show two nights ago. We flew here yesterday. We're flying back to New York

tomorrow, and then a week from tomorrow, we're flying to L.A. We're like Maroon 5. We're the Maroon 5 of Dice. We remind us of Maroon 5. Right. People are like, hey, is that Maroon 5 over there?

No, they're talented. Oh. Where the hell are we again? Columbus, Ohio. Ohio. Ohio's a funny state, right? Like, if you look on a map, it appears to be in the northern part of the country.

But if you talk to a couple people, it just sounds like you're talking to extras on Hee Haw. Do you remember Hee Haw? Youngins out there, Google Hee Haw. Skid enjoys a good Hee Haw. I love Hee Haw. I love Hee Haw. It was like laughing for people who vote Republican. Laughing for rubes.

It really was. If you watch it, it's laughing. I have to admit, I said it about D.C. I think Columbus is pretty awesome. It feels like a party town for weird corn people you feel that everybody just kind of looks like they're on their way to or leaving a dive bar did you notice that yeah i like that's my kind of i like that kind of town exactly i don't care the reason for the party if it's a party i'm in right this is a party town.

You have never said anything more true about yourself. I will say, it wasn't until Columbus that I met snobby hillbillies. I didn't know that that existed. A hipster farmer just sounds like a cool multi-class,

like a paladin-class, like a paladin gunslinger. It's really an interesting mix out here. Got like straw in one side of your mouth and an e-cig in the other. Just shaving your daily

goat while listening to Modest Mouse. That's Columbus. Balenciaga overalls. Did you know 25 astronauts were born in Ohio? Really? Yeah. 25 astronauts born in Ohio, and I

didn't realize that missions to space needed, like, janitors and stable muckers. But apparently... Stable mucky? Apparently they do. Eight presidents were also born in Ohio. They call Ohio the

mother of presidents. And all of them died in office after years of eating gross chili on top of spaghetti. Now I know what you're thinking. Troy, that's a Cincinnati thing. Yeah, well, it's on every menu here and it's gross.

We walked by Skyline Chili last night. And we ran in fear. Yeah, it's funny because we saw the Skyline Chili and we were like, nope, we took a hard left into a cemetery. The Skyline Chili was across the street from a cemetery. It took a hard left into a cemetery. That was exactly...

The Skyline Chili was across the street from a cemetery. Across the street from a cemetery. That's one-stop shopping. That's what that is. Curiously, Skid, none of those headstones had years on them. No, or first names. So it's like you don't know when they died, but you know they were at least somewhat ashamed.

Well, Columbus's idea of haute cuisine is buffalo wild wings, so it's hard. Hey, you guys have like 12 buffalo wild wings in a 10-mile radius. No one needs that many buffalo wild wings. I could go for some B-dub-dubs right now. Yeah, I know why you're shitting on the Buffalo Wild John. Get some Mango Habanero John skis. Couple dipping sauces.

How about instead of the show, we go to B-dub dubs and get some B.L. Nums. Yep. And we're bringing everybody. Let's go. There's like three on this block. We'd like the value meal

for 400. What kind of dipping sauce does everybody want? Don't all talk at once! I heard one ranch. Nope. 70 ranch. You guys are young and cool and sexy. Good for you.

Thanks for coming out tonight. I think we're going to have some fun. We might not. There's no refunds. So just enjoy it. But let's talk about the reason you're really here. The two gentlemen to my left and the two gentlemen to my right.

Four men whose favorite thing about Columbus is the well-documented genocide he perpetrated upon arrival. They love genocide. The city's fine too, but it's... They love genocide. The city's fine, too, but it's... They love genocide. I just love that idea that that's a little-known fact

about the Glass Cannon 4. Yep. We're big genocide fans. Big genocide fans. Speaking of these guys, this little tiny ball of fur to my far left is... Oh, just wait. He's right at home on a college campus because with his little beard and his little blazer, he kind of looks like an English professor.

He is. I professor. He is. I am. He is, right? He's not wearing a disguise. Yeah, but he looks like the kind that gets invited to parties and then they regret it when he gets a little handsy after two natty lights. Hey, I saw you got a B- on your grapes of wrath paper.

Want to come back to my office and make it an A. Wonder Boys, starring Matthew Capitacazza. Mr. Capitacazza. Troy, they didn't invite me to those college parties when I was in college. What makes you think they invite me now? The blazer.

Give it up for Matthew Capitacazza, everybody. We love him. We love him. We love him. Look at him. You hairy son of a bitch. How are you? I'm good. How are you?

I'm good. Have you ever had a student come on to you? No. What would you do? I'd say this is inappropriate. Yes. And run away. That's good. That was a test. Yes. And run away. That's good.

That was a test. That is the only correct. Sprint in the other direction. Sprint in the other direction. Call HR. Hey, thank you to whoever sent us these beers tonight. This looks really good. Who was it?

Me. Me. I heard of me. Oh, me. Thank you, Matt. Thank you, me. The Hairless Hair Brewery. Well, that's enough Matthew.

Next up is a man who turned down a scholarship to Ohio State ten years ago when they brought him in not to play football, but to be a replacement goal post in the end zone. Give it up for Grant Berger! Grant Berger! The Berger! It's good. It's good!

OH! How are you, big sack of shit? I've been doing great. I still look at this campus and there was a moment in time in which my dad thought he was going to stay in Columbus forever, but instead he enlisted in a little war I like to call the Vietnam War. Oh, have you heard about this? You heard about Vietnam?

Met my mom, and here I am. But I've been contemplating life running up and down the Olentangy River. Is that how you say it? How do you say it? How do you say it? Well, that cleared it up. Yeah. Thanks. That was definitely going to fix that. You see why I've had so much trouble pronouncing it now.

But yeah, it's been great. I love Columbus. You hung out with me last night. We went to the Varsity Club. Have you guys heard of this? Went to the Varsity Club to watch my team lose. I left before they lost because I wasn't sure if I could handle the volcanic eruption of rage. It was a smart move. He doesn't freak out when his team loses the way I would in a public setting,

which is why I stopped watching sports. He's fine. He's totally fine. He's very sad, and then he'll, like, vent on Twitter, and it's horrible. If in person, he's fine. Or in the hotel room when he gets back. Oh, that I haven't seen. What happened?

I need to know. Joe got the worst of it. You know what sucks about basketball? And then it's all about, like about how the game rules aren't really correct because the Celtics lost. As I've said before, thank you for being the person who jumps on that grenade. That's me.

Well, next is a man who wears many hats at the Glass Cannon Network, but the one I see him in the most that he's oh so conveniently not wearing tonight is the Michigan hat. Grant, I

sent you a picture earlier. Can we put it up there? Oh! Would you look at that? Oh! Look at that evil smile on his face. Oh my God. That's the smile of a man just being like, yeah,

yeah, that's right, Hassan Haskins rushing for five TDs against Ohio State last year. What a shitty program to allow one rusher to rush for five touchdowns. That's what that face is. Look at that smile. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Skid, I'd like to take this opportunity to alienate the crowd and say, go blue. Well, let me just say, Matthew is also at least as big of a Michigan fan as I am, but he never wears the hat. So there's no pictures of him, so you can get equally mad at him if you like to.

Okay, all right. You want to sing the fight song? No. Hail to the victors valiant, hail to the conquering heroes, hail, hail to Michigan, the leaders and best.

I didn't think you were going to yes and that. I didn't think you were going to yes and that. It feels like your goal is for our friends here to kill each other tonight. You're setting them on each other. This is going real well for me. Yeah, it's great. Well, finally, as a man who could never get into Ohio State, even though the application process was just the president of the university watching him milk a cow.

That's how you get in. I waited. In the business, we call it beef, Troy. You handle those udders like an uneducated Philadelphian. You're not Buckeye material. Give it up for Columbus Joe O'Brien. Columbus Joe.

Yes! Columbus Joe! Joe Hio! Joe Hio! Joe-hi-oh! Joe-hi-oh! Joe-hi-oh! Woo!

That's an outline of the state of Ohio. For those that didn't know. Do you prefer Joe-hi-oh or Oh-hi-Joe? Joe-hi-oh. Joe-hi-oh. It's the obvious choice. Oh-hi-Joe is kind of fun, though. Oh, hi, Joe.

Oh, hi, Joe. Hi, Joe. Hi, Joe. Like you're pleasantly surprised. Oh, hi, Joe is kind of fun, though. Oh, hi, Joe. Oh, hi, Joe. Like you're pleasantly surprised. Oh, hi, Joe. You brought the mustard. Of course I brought the mustard out. Before we went on stage, I just handed him the mustard. I said, bring this out. You never

know when a wandering hot dog is going to slip on by. Try to get out of my grass. You don't want to get a hot dog. Too fast wandering hot dog is going to slip on by. Try to get out of my grass. You don't want to get a hot dog. Too fast, hot dog. If it does, will you just say beef. Beef. Beef.

Oh man, I'm psyched. I'm glad to be back in Columbus. I didn't ask. It was awesome in October. It's even better now. The weather's amazing. It's been awesome walking around town. So wait a minute. There's even better now. The weather's amazing. It's been awesome walking around town. So wait a minute. There's obviously a lot of Michigan fans here. How many people here graduated

from Ohio State? Wow, okay. Decent amount. Six people. Notice I didn't say went to Ohio State. I said graduated. Much smaller number. I think everyone graduates. It's like a yellow belt in karate.

Did you pay your tuition? Congratulations. Good luck in the real world. Fine school. Yes. And I also want to echo the thank yous for this Hairless Hair Brewery. This particular one is, I'm told, a 12% barrel-aged something or other,

so it's going to be a wild night. And shout-out to my brother-in-law, Russ, who is my good buddy and who always splits 12%ers with me me but he's not here to split it tonight so it's going down solo let's have some fun huh anything else you guys want to talk about anything on your mind

that you want to get out there before we start I do want to say I love Columbus. I really, I love D.C. too, but it's very, it's a lot more, there's a lot more. I will say, all right, I love walking around the campus. It's a beautiful campus. I love the town. We got the hotel, the City of the Campus Hotel. It's a beautiful campus. I love the town. We got the hotel. We're sitting at the campus hotel.

It's very nice, very laid back. I automatically felt at home when I got off the plane. I said as much when we were in the cab or the Uber coming back from the airport. It was just like, this feels like home to me. This is so nice. And I could easily see myself moving here at some point in the future. I just hate the sports

teams of the college. That's all I hate. I think Michigan comes here once a year. It would be a great time to also visit myself. We could go together. We could. Let's do it. And I just wanted to add on

that I because we haven't said this yet I love this venue this is probably one of my favorite venues that we've played historic not pandering Newport Music Hall

and the staff and everything it's one of the best that we do Molly Monitors over here Molly Monitors stopping us out earlier thank you guys. Brian and Joel up front, thank you. Look how good they make Grant look.

It's shocking. He doesn't look like this normally. They put Vaseline on everyone's eyes before they came in. He's got that soap opera look. I feel like Matthew. I feel like I need a booster seat here. I'm really sinking into my chair.

You're slouching to an extreme. I feel like a little fucking troll back here. You really are far back on that chair. I'm an edge of the seat type of guy. Your butt is back there. Half of your ass is off the chair. Stop looking at my butt, guys. Hold on.

I'm going to take a picture and I'll put it on screen. All right. I think I just have a low chair to go with my low tea. Anyways, we've got a lot of ground to cover tonight.

I have certain goals for this evening and I rarely meet them. But I don't care if we're here all night! Actually, I board at 6.30 a.m., so I do care if we're here all night. In the meantime, Grant, would you take it to the recap? Take it to the recap!

Embarrassing. Oh, Grant. I mean, I don't know what's happening. No! No! No! No! This has never happened.

Have you tried unplugging and plugging the computer back in? Damn it, Joe, you're not helping! Blow inside the cartridge. Have you considered rebooting? I need more Vaseline. All right, shut up The dream lands Ladies and gentlemen The lands of dream

How do they do it so seamlessly go to hell best in the biz oh baby things are so wild right now in this story our heroes have spent a lot of time

he always starts fucking talking the minute I do my recap he's offering me a beer immediately every single time this recap's for you they're not paying attention one more outburst and you will not get your bottle cap today This recap's for you. They're not paying attention. One more outburst and you will not get your bottle cap today.

No. If I have to reprimand you one more time, help me God, I will take away your free cap. You already lost yours for putting up that picture. Well, I guess I can put it up again that

that is for my soon to be released OnlyFans check me out at at buttstuff4 there was only three other buttstuffs? yeah I was the fourth buttstuff. Wow. I thought about buttstuff zero zero,

like a little callback to Robert Parrish, and then, oh. What a beautiful homage to a wonderful athlete. And then, like, two O's look like a butthole. I thought it'd be fun. Anyways. Guys, come on. Columbus.

You're better than this. Can you imagine? Guys, come on. Columbus. You're better than this. Can you imagine like sending him an email? Like, hey, I made this for you. Let's talk about the man that they have spent years looking for at this point. A man named

Count Hazerton Louse IV. Some of them used to work for him, and he did something to them which stole their memories, and then he placed them in an asylum, leaving them to rot. Well, they're out of the asylum now. They've been out of the asylum for a while, and they're trying to find them. After combing through the town that he rules over, combing over his estate, they now know what he's up to and where he's heading. The Count is apparently a pretty weird dude.

He's into some weird shit. He's into some weird non-butt-related stuff. You don't know. That's true some weird shit. He's into some weird, non-butt-related stuff. You don't know. That's true. You don't know. That's true. I don't read ahead. Maybe we knew at one point, but we've forgotten. It's dangerous to jump to the assumption that it's non-butt-related.

Let's keep our minds open. Does anybody have any points in butt lore? That's a Pathfinder 2-y. I have lore, butthole. Does that count? Give me a lore, butthole. No. The Count's a weird dude. He apparently wants to be a respected author, a respected scholar, but it seems he's not taken seriously by his peers.

However, apparently he's stumbled upon something that may raise his stature in the community. Physical comedian, Troila Valley. Long before the dawn of man, alien entities

known as flying polyps. More butt-adjacent things, polyps. Got something coming up in a couple years. Hope they don't find any flying polyps in my colon. These flying polyps came to this world and erected three monuments in the count's town of Threshmore to not only claim the land as theirs,

but also to create portals back to their home world. Well, apparently Threshmore was not the only place where these monuments were erected. The Count discovered that three more of these star stelae exist in a lost city known as Neruzavan. In order to get there, the Count began experimenting with rituals whereby he could project his consciousness into a section of the dimension of dreams known as the dreamlands to further his research. There, he met an enigmatic figure known as the mad poet, a man one does not approach apparently without going through a specific appeasement process. Well, the count did whatever that entailed, met the mad poet, and he informed

him, the count, that the way to Neruzavan can be found in a book called the Necronomicon, a copy of which can be found in the Qadirian city of Qathir, far, far away to the south. So now you know that the count is heading there, but not before stopping in a city called Casimir to meet up with an old buddy named Myaknian Mun, who is aiding the count in his quest. Acnean Mun, who is aiding the count in his quest. The four of you have boarded a boat to make the month's long journey to Casimir. As well as defending the boat from any dangers it may face along the journey, you're also spending days and weeks researching Lowell's books and journals and notes that you took from his estate. And two nights ago, in the District of Columbia, you discovered the dream ritual that Lowell's used.

You then enacted the ritual and entered the dreamlands where you discovered an abandoned way station, a caravanserai in the desert. Stop. Stop. Caravanserai. You just lost your cap. It's a different word. We've litigated this enough. Haven't we, Troy? Yes, Matthew, I agree. For the

first time ever, I agree with you. I feel a little gross. So you approach this way station. You begin walking around and you meet a man feigning to be a shopkeep who used nightmares, sleep, and phantasmal killer to try and take you out. But you defeated him and then you pressed on to find a dining room that was seemingly empty. So you walked right in, started looking around, and suddenly dozens of ghostly forms appeared, all lost in their own

weird conversation until they stopped and one by one looked at each of you and their visages changed into horrifying, aberrant monsters. Out for blood! Everybody roll a will save. Oh, he flipped it on us. Oh, that's the worst way to start a session. Roll a beef save. Roll a save to see if you play tonight or not. Okay, we will start with Aldo Kazimir.

Aldo Kazimir, I rolled a 26. Okay, how's the price? Right down Main Street with a 10 for a 25. Atticus Grimm? Yeah. 29. Oh. And Sir Julie Andrews.

I have a feeling you're the only one who passed, Joe. 25 for Sir Julie as well. So the highest was a 29? Yeah. DC 30. Oh no! Are you kidding me? Are you reading these DCs correctly, Troy? Yep.

And I have the only copy of the second edition version of this. That's what concerns me. Roll for initiative Okay Oh no Roll, rick-a-roll, rick-a-roll, rick-a-roll

Roll for initiative Oh, this is going to be a fucking blast Are we perceiving? I'm assuming we're perceiving What? We're perceiving Yes, you are perceiving You're watching your friends die All right, Aldo, what did you get?

Good buddy. Me? Oh, 31. 31. 31. Nice, Aldo. Not too shabby. Sir Julie?

22. Less shabby. Atticus? 28. Slightly better. Halster? 29. Amazing.

Amazing. Okay. Better? Halster? 29. Amazing. Amazing. Okay. Oh, come on. Would you stop? You all start to feel really fucking weird. Kind of like you look around at everyone in the room. You look at these fucking monsters that look like they're out for blood,

but you also start looking at your friends, and you kind of get angry at them, too. Oh, no. Give me another will save. Oh. Oh. Oh. That last roll was real high. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

That last roll was real high. I saw an angry Matthew. Always good. Happy skid. What'd you get? 31. 31! Okay.

Grant Bergersen. A four on the die for a 19. Woo. Woo. Woo. So it's 23. 23. Okay.

And Sir Julie Andrews? Exact same rule, 25. 25. What did you get again, Skid? 31. 31. Natural 18 on the die. Okay.

Well, Skid passed. The rest of you all failed. Oh, no. And this is amazing, and you're not going to like it. You might. They will. You're all confused. Now, here's the thing.

Anybody play Pathfinder 2nd Edition out here? How many of those people are GMs? How amazing is 2E Confused? And how horrible is it in my hands? Let me tell youie Confused. And how horrible is it in my hands? Let me tell you about Confused. You don't have your wits about you, and you attack wildly. You are flat-footed, you don't treat anyone as your ally, and you can't use delay, ready, or reactions. Troy, are you aware that...

That doesn't make any sense! Oh, I'm not done. I'm trying to win a bet over here. We can't delay. Can't do it. You use all of your actions to strike or cast offensive cantrips, though the GM can have you use other actions

to facilitate attack, such as draw a weapon, move so that a target is in reach, and so forth. Your targets are determined randomly by the GM. If, for example, you don't have any viable targets, you attack yourself. Now here's the good news, followed by some more awesome news. Each time you take damage from an attack or a spell, you can attempt a DC 11 flat check to recover from confusion and end the condition. But since you failed that first save, you don't get to do that.

So what's about to happen right now is hearing this cacophony from all of them speaking over each other, you start getting all sorts of fired up, and I'm going to have each of you kill each other. Thankfully, Aldo's saved. Aldo, it's your turn. And you know none of this. Okay, so Aldo,, like he sees these ghosts. He thinks they're ghosts at this point. Is there a check that I can do on these creatures to see what they are?

And that's an action now, right? Yes. That's an action? Pretty much everything is an action. You could recall knowledge. Do you have any knowledge, Rilij? I don't think... No, I don't.

So he's just going to guess and say, yeah, these are undead, alright! And he is going to activate a... another elixir. He's going to activate

bottled sunlight. Okay. Pops a bottle another elixir. He's going to activate Bottled Sunlight. Okay. Pops a bottle off of his bandolier, shakes it like a glow stick, and it starts glowing like the file of Galadriel. And with his second action, he tosses it at the ghost

standing right in front of him. Okay. Great. The one that's like on the table here, basically. Okay. You toss that at the guy. Natural 20. Oh! Crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, crinkle, cr That is a 35 total to hit.

That looks like it's a hit. Yes. Okay. What should I do now? Roll some damage, dude. Okay, all right. All right, so first off, it is 2d4 points of positive energy damage. Okay.

Okay, so that's 7 points of positive energy damage. I will forego the splash damage since I'm sitting right next to him. And then an additional 2d4 points of fire damage. Okay. That is 5 points of fire. Does any of that have any effect? I'm guessing no. Alright, so you throw that at them, and it doesn't seem

to phase them at all. They look even more bloodthirsty toward you. Okay. So... Two more actions? Oh, no. yeah, two more actions Well, one So

I'm just going to run away No, he's not going to run away You know what? He's going to hack at this thing with his sickle He's going to hack at this thing with his sickle. Okay. He's going to hack at this thing with his sickle. All right, give him a swing. That is a 17 to hit. 17 to hit.

Doesn't look like it hits. I don't know what's going on in here, Mice. It doesn't look good. Swings through it. What is going on? Let's keep moving. It's Halster's turn and Halster,

you've never liked Atticus. And something about him makes you like him the least you've ever liked him. Don't tell me to go first! Don't you dare tell me to go first! I would like you to take three attacks on Atticus.

Oh no! Canicus. Can I argue for an offensive cantrip? What do you got? Stabilize. Yeah. That is to be fair, that must be

an offensive suggestion to you Troy. I am offended. So, it fits. I'm not going to lie, I'm a little offended by that suggestion. But isn't it random, though? It says random. I went, ah, Atticus.

I saw no die rolled. You don't know what's going on back here. I'm not even wearing pants. The adds of rolling Atticus three times in a row are exceedingly rare. Grant, please roll the dice and attack your best friend. My hands are tied, Joe.

Listen, this is where you guys can get out aggression. Yeah, you look real upset about it. You can get out aggression towards each other in a safe space. You think I want to attack you in Joe-hio? Yeah, this crowd. This crowd will take you out. Hey, you know what, Grant? These guys over here will cue up, dude.

Because I like you, why don't you use neon green? Oh! Wow. Wow. You are such a penis. Wow. You are such a penis. Wow. Troy is knighting him with neon green for our audio audience.

Gran is thrilled. Oh, he's coming down. He's rolling in front of the crowd. Whoa, baby. Just a reminder, this is against Atticus. Right in Joe's face. Look at that behind. Oh, my God!

Oh, it fell on the ground. Off the table. Off the table. Off the table. Off the table. It doesn't count. Berger's always off the table. All right, he's rolling it in front of me.

He's throwing it in my face. Get some baggy pants. Oh, it's a natural 17. Oh. What is that? 32 to hit. All right. It's a hit, but not a crit.

All right. Roll some. Come on back here, you tight pants son of a bitch. These aren't tight. God. It's not a power attack, thankfully. So that will be four.

Got me. Kill him. Kill him real good. 14 points of damage. Is that a question? Second attack. Hit him again. Do you want it to be a power attack or a regular attack?

Power attack. Power attack. Oh god. Let's have some fun here. 30 to hit. That's another hit. Wait, are you taking your penalty? I am. It was a 15 on the die. Alright, I believe you. Are you taking your penalty? I am. It was a 15 on the die. All right.

I believe you. Is that a crit or a regular hit? That's a regular hit. Regular hit. Thank Jeebus. 19 points of damage. Oh, my God. Not bad.

But I'm out of actions. Power attack is two actions, so I'm out of actions. Please give me back my neon green. That was more than half of Atticus's HP in one round. Slap, slap! Cutting him to shreds. Great turn. Great turn, Halster.

Well, Atticus, it's your turn, and now you're mad at your friend. What kind of cantrips you got over there? Any good? You have any cantrips that attack more than one person? Yeah, I sure do. Why don't you use one of those? All right, Atticus, he just looks Halster in the eyes,

cutting him to shreds. He's just like, I always knew you were a coward! And he fires off an electric arc. Oh, yes. At Halster and Sir Julie. Oh, man. Electricity shoots out to both of you. I need a reflex save.

God. Luckily, I don't do any damage because I suck as a character, so you're fine. Oh, my God. I literally rolled four ones. Oh my god I literally rolled four ones Joe Hia Joe Hia Even in my dreams I know

Not to hurt my friends Not really Reflex save Okay Hurt you? Hurt you or is it just Yeah yeah and Sir Julie 29 hurt my friends. Not really. Reflex save. Okay. Her too? Yeah, and Sir Julie. 29. You take four points of damage, electricity damage.

28. Four points of electricity damage. Question. Answer. Does it trigger an attack of opportunity from me if I Oh yeah, yeah. You can't. You can't, though. You can't take a reaction when you're confused.

Oh, thank God. I did my homework. Talk about that on the boards! Well, Troy, does it say I can only use offensive actions? Because could I use my last action to cast shield, which is a cantrip, to buff my own AC as I feel like I'm

being attacked? It says offensive cantrips. Offensive cantrips. You use all your actions to strike or cast offensive cantrips or do things to set up a strike. Like if he was across the room, I'd say strike and attack. Do you have anything left? Can you just punch him in the nuts?

Let me browse my John Jamski for any one actionaction Jimbo. No. No, I got nothing. All right. So he punches Hollister in the crotch. Give him.

The old loop. What is that, Johnny Cage? He misses. That's right. With an addy six. Okay. You're a shitty ally. It's a shame they eliminated Touch AC.

Wink. Oh, man, this is going to be bad. It's Sir Julie's turn. You know what? I will determine this one randomly. And I demand, because Sir Julie is especially confused, and I just read the text and confused, I demand three rolls.

What do you mean, three rolls? One roll for each attack. Yeah. Instead of one roll for all three. You mean you want me to determine randomly where each attack goes. Alright. One, two, Atticus for your first attack. Three, four,

Halster. Wait, but I'm next to two ghosts. What about the enemies? They don't get excluded. They don't get excluded. I don't have any allies. There are no enemies. There are... You do what I say. What?

And you attack Atticus. Oh, come on! First attack against Atticus. All right. 31 to hit. Highest numbers I've ever seen. Question. Are you undead?

In a minute, I will be. It will be soon. This, by the way, is a fucking nightmare. That's exactly what this is. It literally is. It's literally Halster and Sir Julie just stop and decide to cut you to pieces out of nowhere. 13 points of damage. Okay.

Dude, what happens... Okay, do you want to talk about the Dreamlands? What? If you die? Yeah, what the fuck? We'll you want to talk about the Dreamlands? What? If you die? Yeah, what the fuck? We'll cross that bridge when we come here. Ah, I don't like it! Second attack is going to be against Halster with a three.

All right. Get him. Natural one. Oh! Oh! Classic burger. It's because you're in love with him. Final attack is against Halster again. Would you like me to use my greatsword?

Or my offensive spell? Oh! What are you packing over there? Let me make sure it's one action, actually. I think it might be two actions. Save it for next time. Just hit him with your sword. I'll save it for next time.

It's two actions. Save it for next time. Next time. Next time. The spell, it also says cantrip, though, right? You know what? You get the your sword. I'll save it for next time. It's two actions. Save it for next time. Next time. Next time. The spell, it also says cantrip, though, right? You know what? You get the mustard now. I don't know. We're going to figure out how this works.

Whoever has the most interesting turn. The mustard's going to signify something, and before we leave here tonight, it's going to be clear. Natural five. That is an 11 to hit, Graham. Miss. Critical miss. Is it a fumble? My AC right now is 28. is an 11 to hit, Graham. Miss! Poopcock. Poopcock.

Is it a fumble? My AC right now is 28. Oh, yeah, that's a fumble. So I fumble. Or 26. No, we don't have any. We're going to have fan fumbles. We're having two fan fumbles, by the way. They're coming.

They're coming. Worry not. Why don't we say I drop my weapon and fall prone? Coming soon Fan fumbles Her greatsword goes swinging out of the room And she falls prone And falls asleep

I fall asleep Round two! Really tired herself out with that swing I can't even imagine what's going through Aldo's head right now as he's watching this unfold. I think he's like screaming. He says, what are you all doing? You're all acting like you got some ruse loose to the top beddock.

Silence! Silence! Strange fellow! What's going on? I'm genuinely confused. Shut up acquaintance. What? You hurt me to my core, best friend. This is the worst dream I've ever had. Round two.

Everybody roll another will save. All right. So there is a way out. A fresh will. We're fine. How about a crit fail? We're fine. Matthew's going to crush this.

Crit, fail. I got it. Easy puck. Natural four. Oh, boy. What's the total on that? 26. 26 for you.

Okay, what about you? The total is 18. Okay. 25. Okay. 32 for Aldo Casemiro. Okay. 32 for Aldo. Okay. Keeping his eight.

He's too smart. Well, here's the good news. You and you, Atticus and Halster, are confused. Okay. Sir Julie is not. And you could, like, heal us maybe of it. What? Definitely. Who? It's Aldo's turn Now Aldo, this is what I'll tell you

You get the sense something is wrong Would you like to take an action to try and Perceive this? Something ain't right You feel like you hit these sons of guns Give me a perception check Using my immense powers of perception To detect something is wrong here.

Natural 20. And that is a 31. 31? Okay. You know that this is an illusion. You've been attacking this, and they're not reacting. And when you swung, even though you didn't think your swing was good, something isn't right.

There is an illusion in there. But your friends, some of them don't know that. That's your first action. What would you like to do? So he says, he shouts out, this is not really happening. This is an illusion. It's illusions, Michael.

Couldn't be. Hoss has been waiting for this moment for months. He's been waiting till I was weak. Cornet is taking me out. Please, help me, Aldo. Help me. Can I do like an Arcana check or something to see if there's something I can

actually do? Um, yes. Yes. Yes. Okay. Yes. Uh, natural one. Oh. So, uh, I don't know what to do!

My training never covered this. Just please, wake up or stop being insane or something. It's not real, I swear. I swear. I swear. And he pulls out Sheila, the book, and he puts his hand on it and says, I swear on Sheila, I swear on Sheila,

this is not happening, I swear to God. This is just his only hit. So with a natural one, you get wrong information. And you just feel like the best thing you can do in this situation is use your last action to shut the door. Alright. I know. If I shut

the door, I know, there's probably a holographic projector on the other side. So if I cut the beam, no more illusions. Now that's called thinking with your brain. So he shuts the door.

So you guys see the door shut. Sir Julie, you're in your right mind. You now know that this is an illusion if you trust your friend Aldo. But Halster and Aldo are looking at you menacingly. And it's Halster's turn. Halster, Halster, Halster and Aldo are looking at you menacingly, and it's Halster's turn. Halster, Halster, Halster. We'll go random on you this time. One, two, Atticus.

Three, four, Sir Julie. Sir Julie. Your secret lover. You look at Sir Julie and used to look at her with such admiration and perhaps a little sexual tension. But now you want to stab her in the face. This is what you get for not reading my love letters!

That's a 16 on the die for a 35. Yeah. Is that a crit? No, it's not a crit. You'd hate to see it. It'd be hard to get a crit on Sir Julian. That will be for 18 points of damage. 18.

Oh, I think you should give Grant the mustard now, obviously, after that hit. It's pretty obvious, Matthew. Matthew, let go of the mustard. Clearly, Grant gets the mustard. That's bad sportsmanship. All right, There he goes. Grant is the mustard man. Grant.

Take your second attack, and this time, put a little mustard on. Oh! We're getting close. We're getting close to victory. No! This metaphor. That is a 28 to hit. 28 against Sir Julian? Yes.

I'm fatigued, man. I'm fatigued, bro. 17 damage. And then final attack, I'll roll randomly again, is going to be against Atticus this time. 27.

Stop lying. You have a minus 10 to attack. Defensed. Atticus this time. 27. Stop lying. You have a minus 10 to attack. Can't read your die. 16 on the die. That's a hit. Wait. For your third attack?

Plus 11. You get a plus 11 on your third attack? Yeah, I'm a fighter, bro. You're plus 21 on your first attack? Plus 19. Do you not see the mustard sitting in front of him? Why would you ask? That does activate my reaction. Actually, the damage has to be taken first.

It's up to you if you want to take it. I have to see what kind of damage Halster does. 17 points of damage. 17. Dying one. Nope. Atticus. No. 17. Dying one. Nope. Atticus. Ah! Fuck! Wait! Incorrect. Incorrect.

You get DR9. Ah! Ah! Wow, that's huge. But I do have to attack Halster. Oh! So what do you do? Do you want to let him fall, or do you want to attack Halster and give him the DR9? It's a tough, it's a real

Sophie's Choice. Talk to me about non-lethal damage in Pathfinder 2nd Edition. I don't know how it works. Joe? I tried to search non-lethal John and nothing came up. I did the same thing.

I did the same thing, which is so weird. You probably, it's a what, a minus two to attack? Yeah. All right, so it's a minus two to attack, and then if you... I will deal non-lethal damage to Halster. I'll hit him with the flat of my blade. Okay. Yeah.

Okay. That could still be very lethal. Crit him. Yeah. In the right places. Crit him. Hit him in the face. Okay, I missed.

That is a 17 to hit. Oh, fumble. Crit him. Hit him in the face. Okay, I miss. That is a 17 to hit. Oh, fumble. Natural three. Fumble. I drop my weapon. And it goes through Atticus's heart. It's unbelievable. All right, are you fine now?

You're not dying one, right? I'm not dying one. Okay. Dude, I'm fucking great. Well, it is your turn, Atticus, and I would like you to attack one of your friends with another spell. You're going to attack Sir Julie this time.

Only Sir Julie? Yes, with your best cantrip. All right, he will attack Sir Julie. He'll be like, I don't need your help. I can do this myself. And he turns and fires a ray of frost at Sir Julie. Get her! 25 to hit.

Miss. That is a miss. Frosty! And then with one action, he will butcher the crotch. Yeah, take that. Ooh. Juicy. I came out wrong.

It was just a good roll. What was the total? Oh, it's 24. It's still not going to be enough for you. Miss. Miss, miss. Miss, miss, miss, miss, miss. All right.

Sir Julie, it's your turn. This is a terrible situation. It's a terrible situation. It's very bad. The worst part being that after this nightmare, no one, no one is going to fear Atticus at all. Nope. Nope.

Okay. Can I roll a religion check to figure out if there's a way to stop the illusion? Sounds like a great idea. Great. I will remind you that I have the dubious knowledge feat. Oh, yes. So if I fail this, you have to provide me with a bit of true knowledge and a bit of erroneous knowledge,

but I don't have any way to differentiate. So I should roll. This is a classic. Oh, yeah. No, no. If I fail, you're going to give me... No, he should roll. One piece of true, one piece of false.

But you should be rolling. That's why they do secret checks. You'll have no idea. Well, if I succeed, I would get one piece of information. What's your religious bone? Plus 13. No, plus 15.

Plus 15, okay. So you get one piece if you were to fail. You get one piece of true, one piece of false? Yeah. Okay. Wait. Studying. I mean, if you give him two pieces of information instead of one,

you know that he failed. I was planning on giving you two pieces of information. All right. Because I knew about your dubious knowledge. Because I studied your sheets instead of eating breakfast. That's why you were so sick this afternoon. You know that this is a haunt. And you know the only way to break a haunt. And you know, the only way

to break the haunt is to do two successful arcana checks and the haunt will go away. I somehow communicate that information in a way that doesn't feel mechanical to my friends. How do you say that? How do you say that without metagaming? Matthew?

I say, we are encountering a haunt, friends. I'm sorry, by the way. Those I've hit. I've struck. We are encountering a haunt, and the only way to defeat it is to think really, really hard. Twice. Twice. Okay.

Then, with my... Oh, by the way, I have another feat. Yeah? This is called haughty obstinacy. Not a Matthew feat. I know. We're not talking about feats that you have personally. Let's talk about feats in your character.

I want to see Matthew's character sheet. So if you roll a success on a saving throw against a mental effect that attempts to directly control your actions, you critically succeed instead. Oh. Is there a critical success for saving on that last one? For saving on what? On the confusion. The confusion. on what? On the confusion. The confusion. On the confusion, yes, there is a critical success.

According to this, my powerful ego makes it harder for others to order me around. That's so true. So the next time you roll it? I'm saying that success I just rolled should be considered a crit. Oh, so it bounces up. Okay. That's huge. That's huge. Chewie is pretty cool. Wait, so you

just forgot this is what you're saying. No, I just, I rolled and then I... Alright, so by you, that's an action to use? No. My save is just, if I roll a success, it's considered a crit success. Okay. So you just forgot to tell me? Yes. Okay. Or I saved it for my turn, so I wouldn't interrupt your flow. All right, so it's great.

For critical success, you're unaffected and immune for one minute. Yeah! All right. That's huge. Huge. Okay. So now that you know that there's a haunt, unless I was lying, when its routine comes up every round, you won't have to roll that save.

You're unaffected. Beautiful. Okay, second action, I'm going to lay on hands for Atticus. Okay! That's a good player right there. Good round! Tactically strong. So Sir Julie does this.

Sir Julie gives Atticus COVID. She rubs sunscreen on you. It's so sunny out here in the dreamlands. And you're healed for 18 points of damage. Oh, nice! I've been trying to look up, can we as players grab each other?

Yeah, dude. Yeah, man. I want to grab Halster. Okay. Well, he doesn't like you. So you have to, like... Roll an attack. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what to roll. So you have to roll an attack. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you have any actions left?

It's an athletics check. Against, I guess, your Fortitude DC, maybe? Something like that. Nice. Yeah. That's cold. Against the Fortitude DC. That's right. Against the Fortitude D.C. That's right, Joe.

Yeah. Really left me hanging there. Against your Fort Dick. Fort D.C. It's Fort Dick. My father was stationed at Fort Dick. How do I calculate my Fort D.C.? Brad, what's your Fort Dick?

Stop mewling about. What's your Fort Dick, bro? I don't know what my Fort Dick is, bro. What's your Fort D.C. I don't know what my fort dick is, bro. It's your fortitude save plus ten. Twenty-five, bro. Forty-five? Twenty-five. Well, then I grab you.

Oh! Sir Julie, just... Hit it. Atticus. Atticus. Aldo. Figure this out. And she just reaches over and just bear hugs Halster.

Yeah. Oh, and then all three ghouls look at you and they're like everything's coming up halster i couldn't monetize our last video because of that fucking song. I know. That's why I split it up into two sections. 38 videos.

It was Seattle that YouTube finally got me. I couldn't stop it. Alright, that's my turn. Come to your senses, man. Come to your senses, man. That's pretty good. Round three. Aldo, you're That's pretty good. Round three! Aldo, you're out of the room.

Sir Julie, you're immune, so just dummy one and dummy two. Give me a will save. This is where we turn it all around, Columbus. This is where Atticus strikes back! Come on. Come on! 29. 24.

Pass fail. Beef. Beef. All right. I don't like that that's a catchphrase. Now we can be like, Halstead, what is wrong with you? Aldo, you're standing outside of the room, and you're... No, no, no. I didn't leave the room.

He closed the door. I closed the door while standing up. I wasn't looking at the map. I forgot it's just a curtain, so you really just pulled a curtain. Oh, yeah. I'm fucking dumb. The most aggressive act I've taken so far in this combat. Sorry. I'm juggling a lot back here. Alright, so it's your turn, Aldo.

You look at Sir Julie, and it's kind of like that thing where you're like, we got this. And now that you look at Atticus, you're like, alright, Atticus is in his right mind as well, but your old buddy Halster, your old buddy best friend, he's not right in the head. But Sir Julie's grabbing him.

Alright, what do you do? So, based on what Sir Julie said, it's like, oh, all I have to do is think really hard, and I'll be able to come up with a solution. So he puts his fingers to his temples, and he thinks, and he comes up with a 36 on the Arcana check.

That is enough to know that I lied about what kind of check it is. Julie! You and your dubious knowledge! You struck again? I never claimed my knowledge was more than dubious! Well, I learned nothing! I'm sorry. She's actually struggling with Halstead. All right, so... I'm just going to keep shouting that it's an illusion

You know what you can do is you can try another check and see if it happens to be the right check I'll try again Throw our friends here What kind of check did you check? Because you know Arcana isn't right now Oh, okay, alright I will try another

thing. I will try Occultism. Okay. Okay. You are an expert in Occultism? 25. Nothing seems to happen. Rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb.

Rhubarb, rhubarb, rhubarb. I have a third... For my third action, I will try another check. I will try... Oh, boy. Geography lore. Yeah.

23. Nothing happens again. I'm racking my brain. I'm pressing my fingers into my temples as hard as I can. I'm wracking my brain! I'm pressing my fingers into my temples as hard as I can! I'm getting a horrible headache! Nothing's working! Aldo is having a tough

time over there. Halster, Sir Julie is finally showing affection towards you, but you want to kill her! I'd like you to try to escape from her grasp, and then stab her in the face. What am I adding to my roll? It's going to try to escape from her grasp and then stab her in the face. What am I adding to my roll? It's going to be an escape, John, against her...

Unarmed attack. There we go. Thank you. Here it comes. That's a 34. To hit me? To escape. That is

I'm assuming 40 to 2 DC? Yep. No. Athletics DC? I have it right here. It's AC according to the program. Athletics DC. So you're athletics plus 10. 23, so it succeeds. Critically

succeeds. You get free and remove the grab, demobilize and restrain conditions imposed by your chosen target and you can stride up to five feet if you want but I don't want you to I just want you to kill her kill her

kill her second action, strike her power attacker, use the rest of your turn oh my god I had feelings for you once but not anymore Strike her. Strike her? Power attacker. Use the rest of your turn. Oh, my God. I had feelings for you once, but not anymore. Natural four, 23. Nice.

Miss. Miss. Okay. Miss. Guys, guys, guys. Atticus, it's your turn. Atticus, I imagine everybody's doing their free action talks. You know that these are illusions.

You are an illusionist. Yes. You're no longer confused. What do you want to do? He's like snapping out of this, frustrated with the illusions, and he's trying to grasp with this occultism that's happening around him. So I will start with an occultism check. Okay.

You are an expert or a master occultist? I am an expert of occultism. Okay. I shall see through this trap you've laid for us. I rolled an 11. I'm thinking about re-rolling it. I will. I'm going to spend a point. I'm going to spend a bottle cap.

Oh. To roll it again. Come on. Give me some high double. No. Yeah. Yes. 32, give me some high double. No, yeah! Yes! 32, a cold tizzle. Yes! Alright, so

explain to me how this works in game turns. What are you doing against this? Oh, what he's doing is he's like, he's I think he's partially realizing that he's in a nightmare right now. Like, he kind of lost his sense of self for a moment. And then but there's all these horrifying faces around. And he thinks of the amount of times

in his basement, in his father's basement, that he practiced silent image over and over. And that there were horrifying visages that would appear to him all the time. Especially when he was working out of the Tapestry of Madness book. And he just was like weeding out the ones that are just nonsense.

But there were other ones that almost seemed to speak to him as if they were crossing over from the other side to give him messages about how to cast better and be stronger as a caster using the dark arts. And he's noticing that something's off here about these things. They're not as threatening as they seem, and there's a way to dispel them or disbelieve it. I feel like that's how it's

happening. Yeah, so as you're doing that, you realize with that successful check that you're starting to create a ward in the room against the haunt's mental influence on your friends and you need one more successful check. So he starts to

push back against the illusion. I love it. Illusion back against the illusion. I love it. Illusionist against illusionist. Yeah. Awesome. And he's like, come close to me. This is your hour. You've been chosen for this moment.

Yes, and he says to Aldo, come closer. I'm holding it. And he's pushing their visages back. And they're angry. They're trying to break through. But they're being pushed away. Give me that occultism. Check with your final action.

Come on, bro. Come on, buddy. Come on, baby. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. I love it. Natural 20, come on! They're fighting against your influence and they're reaching in and then they're just like and they fade reaching in and then they're just like... And they fade away. Yeah!

Oh. One by one. One by one, they slowly walk onto other parts of the map that I haven't... That ranks... Not gonna lie, that ranks up there with the birth of my children. Oh no, one of them

became huge! He's like, oh, you ain't all! See ya. You know how sometimes when you're just playing with your friends and you're like driving home and you're like, I really, really actually feel like a hero. That was

one of my favorite moments of the tour right there. That was one of my favorite moments of the tour right there. That was awesome. That was amazing. You saw it. You looked. You were looking. Yeah, I saw it.

Sir Julie doesn't realize the haunt is over so she takes her turn to shove Halster into the next room. Oh, you just push Halster into the hallway? He's thrashing

and she lets him go and just shoves him, which is an athletic trick. Start the next encounter. Right through the dusty old curtain. And he's in a hallway. Terrifying. And I shove him again. That was one action and I can stride as far as the shove. He takes 1d6 damage.

I'm kidding. Halster, come to your senses, man. And she sl as far as the show. He takes 1d6 damage. I'm kidding. Halster! Come to your senses, man. And she slaps him across the face. I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me, my lady. And she slaps him again. Oh, sorry.

Oh, sorry. You're back. What a very naughty boy indeed. Are you sure you don't want to smack me again, Sir Julie? No, why would I smack you again? I don't know. Oh, boy. I have a feeling our video wasn't demonetized yet.

Until you hit me again. You are determined to get into this with her. I would very much appreciate some healing, because you did stab me with your sword several times. I don't think... Who did I heal last we met in Columbus? It needs to be an hour in between me being able to provide healing to you. You did heal me.

I believe I can heal Atticus no problem. What do you want? Do you want a DC 20 heal check? Or do you want to gamble a little gamblony with the old DC 30? Well, Grant, I'm addicted to gambling. So I would say go with the higher DC for more healing. I love it. I love it. Can I use one of your die to roll it right in front of your face? Yeah, use my pride die. Lots of pride hats in the audience tonight. Love it. Love it.

Come on. Come on! Oh, that's a two for an 18. Oh, no. God damn it. So I get zero, right?

It really is. Grant says, I believe you get nothing. Okay, I can do medicine on you. I can do it. Can I ask you, Troy? What does damage feel like in the dreamland? What does damage feel like in the dreamland? Do you feel hurt?

You know how when you dream and you don't really actually feel the pain? I do. You do? Yeah, I'll wake up and I'll, especially, I have dreams where I'm getting stabbed in the stomach a lot. And I'll wake up and I'll, I'll wake up with that pain in my stomach.

It'll slowly fade away as I wake up. That's horrifying. It is. It's horrible. It's awful. You should really talk to someone about that. I do. I'm talking to all of you now.

It's part of my process. I think the only solution is to never sleep again, but that might cause other problems that you'd have to deal with after that. Yeah, sorry. Yeah, so the damage feels like damage, but if you get punched in the stomach or the leg or slash across the chest,

you're also feeling it in your head as well. Like it's just confounding as well as it is ailing your body. Interesting. Joe, bad news. That was a critical failure, which means you take 1d8 damage. Yeah. I thought so. I thought so.

And I can't use a bottle cap now, right? This dude's psyched. I thought that he was anti-Atticus, but I think what he really is is a big rule fan. He's pro-rules. Oh, look at him. Pro-rules. He's wearing a pride hat, too,

to match the die that killed you. What a nerd. Somebody give that guy a wedgie. Somebody do your duty. All right, give him 1 DA damage. And no bottle cap at this point, right? To re-roll. No.

Yeah, you already fucked that up. Six points of damage. So he's like, I got this, and he just rips open your wound. Sir Julie will slap Alistair once more. Get away from him. And I will do treat wounds on Atticus.

And I get it, just barely. The target is immune to treat wounds for one hour. Not just from the one person? Then I will use Lay on Hands to heal you The target is immune to treat wounds for one hour. Immune to treat wounds, not just from the one person? Any treat wounds. Then I will use Lay on Hands to heal you for 18 points of healing. Okay.

And then we're all going to wait 10 minutes while I refocus. Okay. Yes, we will. While she's refocusing, is anybody else doing anything in this room? All these apparitions are gone. I'm going to search the room. Okay. Give me a perception check.

That is a 22 perception. All right, the only thing that really jumps out at you, and you know how I kind of, if you've got detect magic, I'm assuming you're using it, you detect that the decanter that was on one of the shelves is magical. Oh, this decanter is quite nice, isn't it? I think there's something sort of enchanted about it. Perhaps I'll take a look.

So, do I do a... That's Arcana, right? Yeah, Arcana would be the best way to do it. And I'll tell you right now, the DC is 23. 23. It's a 7th level item. Nailed it with a natural 14. That is a

20... 31. Okay, got it. This is big fans of... Let me try as well as we pour over it together. Because if you critically succeed, you do get more information. Let me just see if...

You got it, buddy. Okay, Got it. You got what? A 30? That's some nice work, Aldo. What was the total, Skip? That was a 31. 31. Okay. So you didn't critically succeed, but

it is a... Did not. It is a decanter of endless water. Oh, I love this! Oh, in the desert. This is a great item. Classic. That's great. Now remember, as we spoke about last time,

when you enter the Dreamlands, things you find here will not come back once you wake up. But when you return to the Dreamlands, they're in your possession again. It looks like an ordinary glass or decanter full of water. The stopper cannot be removed unless you speak one of the item's three command words. And as you roll this decanter around in your hands, you see those three words etched into the base of the decanter. What are they?

What are they? It's a really good question, Skip. I'm glad you asked. I want to know what they are so I can use it. The words, Troy. Twinkie, Cupcake, Steve. Steve? Steve.

Twinkie, Cupcake, Steve are the three command words for the decanter of endless water. What is this word? Steve. Twinkie, cupcake, Steve are the three command words for the decanter of endless water. What is this word? Steve. What? No, Steve. Who's Steve and why does he like water and hostess products? It makes water. All right, ten minutes later, Sir Julie will lay on Hans Atticus once more.

How are you doing? Another 18. Another 18. I'm fine, thank you. Great, let's push on. Nope, Sir Julie then will do it on herself, and then rest ten more minutes to refocus once more, and then we will move on. Beyond.

But in the real world, dude, that's like eight seconds. So we're fine. Great. What do you guys want to do now? When you came in, you went right to the west, came around, came all around. You saw all these fountains with sleepwalkers etched onto them. You came down here.

You went into this room with all the tables. Where Halster is standing, here. You enter this room with all the tables. Where Houser is standing, you see a hallway that continues to stretch forward through the caravanserai. And about 40 feet or so away, you see another curtain leading

to a chamber to the north. And then otherwise, the hallway just continues and eventually ends and turns to the north. This is such a strange setting. Yeah. The dreamlands?

Yeah. Just even for a dream, like this is, well, I mean, particularly as a dream, just this caravansary. This is one weird dream. Yeah, why a caravansary? A way station. Why did Lowell's

choose a place like this? Was this a place where all sorts of dreamers would just meet, water their horses, buy some supplies from that store that looks like it's hasn't had anything on the shelves

in a long time? And why is it abandoned? Why? Why indeed. Let's keep playing to find out. Wait, so I thought this was just what the dreamlands were, but you're seeming to suggest that Laos has created this dream? You don't fucking know, dude. Yeah, who's the architect, right?

Can I do a check? I have dream lore untrained. Ooh, a little dream lore untrained? Could I do a dream lore check to see how the architecture of it works? Like if there are... Yes. Okay. The answer is yes.

Natural, that's a critical fail. You think that. you think everything wrong. You think if you remove your pants. Right. If you just walk around naked, no one will see you. I have an idea. I have an idea. I've been thinking about this, and he just starts like pulling his pants off.

What are you doing? Aldo. Aldo. No, trust me. starts, like, pulling his pants off. What are you doing? Aldo. Aldo. No, trust me. Well, I'm wearing clothes of the finest. You know how when you're in a dream, and you're like, oh, no, I'm taking my exams, and I haven't got my clothes on.

You ever have anyone see you when you're in those exams? No, right? So you take your clothes off, and you're invisible in the dream lens. We can still see you. It's dreamlands. We can still see you. It's just logic. We can still see you, Aldo. Well, I mean, that's as may be,

but that's the exception that proves the rule as far as I'm concerned. His pants are now off. Sorry, you're not going to dissuade me from going nude throughout the Dreamlands. Sorry. This is just how it's going to be. And he's nude. He's nude. Mark Rond nude.

Until someone can prove to him that this is not the case. So Aldo strips down to absolutely nothing. And note to Angeline, this is going to be a future poster. Yeah. Where we'll just conveniently put something in front of your crotch. I'm sorry, Angeline. Oh, they're going to crush this.

Okay. So Aldo's nude. Do you guys say anything to put his clothes back on? Yeah. Okay. Like repeatedly. All right. So after seeing everything, you finally convince him to put his clothes.

And more importantly, yes, the logs are praised. And then you convince him to put his clothes back on. Where do you go next? Hallway, curtain to the north. Curtain to the north. Curtain to the north. Curtain to the north. The curtain to the north. Curtain to the north! Curtain to the north! The curtain to the north! The curtain to the beef!

Alright. I, um, as a way of apologizing to you, Atticus and Sir Julie, I will open this curtain. How is that an apology? It's the best I can do right now. You could just say, I'm sorry. No, no.

Sorry is the hardest word, and opening this curtain is much easier. Yes. And being in love means never having to say you're sorry. I have such a problem with that quote. I bet you do. He opens the curtain. The movie is terrible.

I find that being in love involves saying sorry a lot. Well, it also assumes a certain decency in human beings that you don't believe exists. I'll tell you what. If it wasn't for that movie and that quote, we would have never had Godfather, probably. I don't have a problem with a movie. Is that what you want, Matthew?

I know it's a terrible quote. Do you want the Godfather to have not happened? You want that on a constant. Isn't it fun to play with your friends? Wait, wait. Shut up. Flavor text. You open the curtain.

Flavor text warning. Flavor text warning. Beep, beep, beep. the curtain flavor checks warning flavor text warning decorative tiles with a regular geometric shapes cover the walls of this room distorting perspective and also obscuring the rooms full size like the the way the tiles on the floor and

the walls are arranged it's very disconcerting like a casino you're just like the fuck's going on in here? I don't know, but I don't want to leave. 100 on black. Three deep baths, empty of water, apparently, are separated by narrow walkways and hanging curtains of the same tattered fabric

that you've seen throughout the caravanserai. What do you do? It's like needles in my ears. Light the curtains on fire. Let us begin with fire. I'm not kidding.

I'm not kidding. Right now you're almost near one of the curtains. Do you want to enter the room and start burning curtains, you fucking weirdo? Yes. I am in the midst of an endless nightmare and a fiery

hellscape. Yes. Alright, so... I like to merge my worlds so as not to be confused. Atticus steps past Sir Julie. He's being weird. Yeah. Sir Julie's devolving into a middle school boy. The only way

to cleanse fire is with more fire. What do you do, Atticus? Let it burn. First, I'm going to do a perception into this room. Do we need to do one? Have you already described what we've seen? That is a 26 perception, just looking in from the doorway. All right, 26 perceptions.

So you see that the baths all appear to be empty, but the one on the far left has like a black tarry substance that seems to be scraping the bottom of it. Whereas the other ones just look like brown from years of not being used. The one on the far left is just all like black and tarry. I'm

wondering, sorry, I'm wondering if this is because I don't understand how this place is built, the plane. I'm wondering if this is somehow a memory of a real place, or if this is wholly invented. But if it is a memory of a real place, I don't know.

This is very curious to me. I don't know. I'm just very curious. Very interesting situation. Sir Julie lights the Wiestern curtain on fire. interesting situation. Sir Julie lights the weastern curtain on fire. Sir Julie enters and lights the

weastern curtain on fire and it just I mean, these are curtains that you've been touching throughout that almost dissolve in your hands. So this thing catches very quickly. What is Aldo doing and what is Atticus doing? I think Atticus is going to bury his head in the rule book.

What I want to do is, I think I want to do the exploration activity of just detecting magic. I think that's a thing. Okay. You just constantly detect magic. I'm researching it now, but I think that that's a thing. Okay. So basically he's detecting magic. Great.

What about Aldo? Aldo is going to actively shield his exposed genitals from the open flame. Pretty sure he put his... As he walks around the room trying to just... He's going to try to seek out any... He's going to just perceive whatever else is in the room trying to just, he's going to try to seek out any, he's going to just perceive like whatever else is in the room, like the tubs, like the substance in the tub. Okay.

So Sir Julie lighting a curtain on fire. Aldo and Halster just walking around looking for anything of interest. Well, I'm struck. I was looking through my notes today from previous Glass Cannon Lives, and in Glass Cannon Live 22... Classic. It was a classic. It's the one where I peed myself. I do remember that. We find a magical

bookmark in a book of phrasmin hymns and the dreamland. So I'm wondering how those are intertwined. We saw that imagery of the sleepwalkers moving around. Is there any... I'm looking around for any other phrasmin notes, so I'm using my

phrasmin lore as we go through this area. Okay. Interesting. And Atticus, you're in the hallway just really focusing on what are the magics present in the general area. And everything is like tinged with magic.

It's a very weird plane of existence. Yeah, that's why I didn't know if it would make sense. No, no, I think it's cool. Flavor-wise, you're just feeling it, and you're trying to hone in, like get through the fact that everything here feels magical and try and hone in on something. And as you do, you just,

you don't get the sense so much of magic, but something just being off. And meanwhile, Halster is looking around for symbols relating to Phrasma, and all of a sudden your eyes are drawn to this black tar, and the black tar seems to have a swirl within it that is not unlike the symbol of Phrasma. And you just become obsessed with it for a moment, almost lost in it. Thousand yard stare, and you realize it's not the symbol of Phrasma, it's

actually spinning like a drain. And then suddenly, it starts to rise up. And you see this massive thing that looks like this appear. Oh, no.

Roll for initiative. Oh, that's horrifying, dude. Roll, make a roll, make a roll. Roll, make a roll, make a roll. Roll for initiative. We're having a good time, folks. Everybody having fun out there tonight? Good.

I would have killed it right now if you weren't. What do you think I should roll for initiative? You should roll your light curtains on fire check, obviously. I'm actually, even though it's dumb, I'm going to let you roll for Rasmalor, because I think that's kind of fun. I'm going to let you roll Arcana, because you were focusing on magic. All right, all right. I like it. Listen, I don't know if this is how it works, but it's fun!

But it's fun! Damn it, it's fun. Remember when games used to be fun? Yeah. When it wasn't about the money, the women, and the fast cars? That's right. Skid, you can roll.

I would be like, Troy, Troy, don't mention the women. My wife could hear this. And then I laugh inside. She'll never hear this. And then I laugh inside. She'll never hear this or see it. No. Ever. No.

Skid, your perception. That is a 27. 20 Seths. Halster price for Rasmolor. That's kind of fun. Yeah, that puts me at a net negative eight on what my normal roll would be. So good job, Troy. Here it comes. That's a natural one for a ten.

Oh no! Oh no! But I like that because he remembers torturing people from some of his backstory and being taught to do that, and he's a little turned on. Maybe you were fucking drowning people in pools. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You! Yeah!

You'll be a believer or I'll drown you! What'd you get, Atticus, on your Arcana roll? Uh, bad roll. 24. Okay. Still was fun. Sir Julie? Was fun. Pyromaniac roll? What do you actually want me to roll? Just roll Perception. Okay, uh, that is a

26. Okay. 24, sorry, 24. 24, you filthy liar. Okay, here we go. Round one. What the F is this thing? Let's do a little Zoom Zony on this guy. Ah!

Ah! My goodness. That thing is... Yeah, it's... How would you describe that? It's like... Good thing I burned that curtain down, or it wouldn't be able to stand where it's standing.

Well, it's kind of like a tar snake, but where the head is... It's kind of like a xenomorph head. Yeah. Yeah. It seems like a hard-skulled snake. Very weird. It's a cold-hearted snake!

Alright, here's what's going to happen. All of you are within its writhing tendrils aura, which I'm going to lift the screen. Hey, we don't need this. We're all friends. And tell you about because it's in the 2e conversion. Any creature that starts its turn

or enters a square in the area of its writhing tendrils and you're all in it must attempt a dc 28 acrobatics check to balance that is an action a creature that steps doesn't need to roll this check so what you could do is just step and then you don't have to roll this check. So what you could do is just step, and then you don't have to roll it. But none of you are right... Actually, Aldo and Sir Julie are right next to it. So you guys are okay if you just want to attack. But for example,

Halster and Atticus, outside the room there, if you guys wanted to start moving towards it, you'd either have to use an action to try and balance over this... The tendrils are basically spilling out all over the floor. Or just take an action to step, step, step. So it doesn't matter that I would

have cover from the creature because I'm outside the room and there's a wall there. It doesn't matter. It's spilling out of the door. I know what the radius is, so imagine as it comes out it's tar fucking spills all over the floor, and these little tendrils start poking up all over the place.

And so it's coming out the door towards you. It's like black tentacles. Boozing down the hallway. That's a little black tentacly. And it's not actually making a difficult train. It's just using up an additional action. Funny you should mention that. So the balance actione. If you critically succeed on that, you move up to your speed.

Do whatever the fuck you want. You have to use an action to balance. If you succeed, you move up to your speed, but you treat everything as difficult terrain. So every five feet is ten feet. If you fail, you have to remain stationary, wasting your action. Or you can choose to fall and end your turn. Critical failure, you fall and your turn ends. This game is awesome.

I'm having a good time. Round one, it's Aldo's turn. Aldo, you chose the perfect place to be because none of this stuff matters unless you want to start moving away from it. But you're right there. Yeah, Aldo's just like, ah! And he just starts throwing alchemist fire bombs at him.

Yeah! Boom, boom, boom, boom! All right, number one, first bomb. Yeah, that is a 28 to hit. 28 to hit? Oh, my goodness, that is a hit. That is 11 points of fire damage.

11 points of fire damage. I'll tell you what, that looks like it all goes through. Yes! I have candy to fill to represent my bombs. Fire in the hole!

Are those unwrapped Jolly Ranchers? No, they're wrapped. Oh, good, good. We unwrapped them, put them in our mouths a little bit, and then re-wrapped them. There's a handful of M&Ms. Ordinarily, I like to use fun-sized M&Ms, but Brennan, our assistant, went out

and he was not able to find any. This is all he could get, so this is it. Second bomb. Throw Brennan under. He was like, this is all we could get, so this is it. All right, second bomb. Throw Brenton under the bus. Oh, that is a 28 with an 80-18 on the second bomb. So even with the minus five, you got a 28. That is a hit, my friend. That is another 11 points of fire damage.

This is amazing. Third attack, Third action? All right. And for my third action, because it's much less likely that I would hit with my firebomb, I'm going to try to aid another. I'm going to try to aid Sir Julie. Oh, nice. And I would like to propose that I could use my Arcana check to use to aid her. I'm going to try to use my knowledge of the Arcane to give her an advantage in her first swing against this creature.

That is very cool. So aid is something that slowly as we play more Pathfinder 2E you're going to That is very cool. So aid is something that slowly, as we play more Pathfinder 2E, you're going to find it's very useful, especially with your third action that has a very low chance to hit. Skid, I appreciate you doing your homework, unlike some bearded people.

Molly, did you not read the Pathfinder rulebook before the show tonight? I can't hear you in the monitor. With aid, you basically... Molly has enough to worry about. Just leaf her out of this. Leave her out of this. You're using your action to basically create a reaction later that will aid Sir Julie.

Sir Julie used the target, right? Right. So this is... I'm using my action to give me the opportunity to do a reaction on Julie's turn. So I will wait to roll until you go. Yep. Okay. And it's very cool.

The way it's explained, you must explain to the GM exactly how you're trying to help, which you did, and they, meaning me, determined whether you can aid your ally, and I determined you can. And ordinarily, it's a DC 20 at the GM's discretion based on the situation. Well, because I like you so much, I'm going to make it DC 15. Okay.

Thank you very much. You can roll it as a reaction on her action to do it. Best of luck to you. And the thing is, there are different things. Like a critical success, you'll get one thing. A success, you'll get another. Critical failure, there's a whole other story. Good job, Aldo. Hey, big round

of applause for Skidmar, huh? This fucking guy. Very slowly learning the rules to this game that we play for a living. Yes. I made a DC-15. Relax. I made a DC-15.

Relax. I'm not greedy. The DC-15 is more than enough for me. Relax. The aid action, okay? Yeah. It's not magic missile. It's not magic missile. Let's not get I didn't invent a polio

vaccine. I just read the rule book for the first time ever. That's not worth the bottle cap. Jonas Salk over here. Here's the good news. It is Sir Julie's turn, so go ahead and roll that check, bro. All right. Okay, that is a 23, so not a critical success, but a success.

Regular success. Sir Julie, you will get a plus one circumstance bone. Cirque bone? To whatever your attack. Cirque de bonnet? Cirque bone to your attack. I'm going to attack, but first, on the off chance,

I'm going to smite evil. Oh, okay. That's a gross assumption. This thing seems kind of good. Is it evil? Do I have to tell you? I mean, yeah.

I promise I'll tell you. He's still wasted. I spent the action. Roll the hit and I'll let you know. All right. So plus one to this roll. Plus one to this roll from your good pal Aldo. 24 to hit.

That is a hit. Yeah! And it's evil. Yeah! Yes! It's Julie! It's Julie Andrews! And is it undead by any chance?

Doesn't look to be undead. Okay, just checking. Asking for a friend. Asking for a friend. 22 points of damage 4 of which is good Weirdest thing happens As you strike this

Tarry monstrosity It doesn't seem to be affected At all Oh no That's why he was being cool before That's why he was being nice Because he knew it didn't fucking matter. At all.

Even the good damage? Even good damage. All right, let's... I want my bottle cap now. Because it didn't matter. You knew it didn't matter. I want my bottle cap. Yeah!

Give him his bottle. Yeah! Give the man his bottle cap! Give him a bottle cap. Come on! Your old DC-15 thing was a lie! That was just... I will take it under consideration.

Okay. Well then, I will spend my final action. I will try to do piercing damage with my blade. Yeah, dude. See if we can rule this out before we have to regroup and come up with a new plan.

Versatile blade action. Versatile blade action. Versatile blade... Okay, that is going to hit with a 27. My God, that looks like a hit. Yeah, I bet it does. Oh, shit. He's shit-eating grin.

And that's such a good roll. 27 points of damage. Zero points of damage! So wait, did my firebombs do anything to it? That looked like it hurt. It did. Okay, great. Okay, excellent.

In case they were otherwise occupied, I share this information with my cohort. Sure. Free talk action. Atticus, it's your turn. Yikes. Does this seem like I could tell that she's doing no damage with her blade? Yeah, she's hacking away, and the thing is just...

Looks like it's getting bigger. I have line of sight on it? Line of effect? I think you're going to need to use a step action to get to that space right in front of you. Step action! So then what happens? I have to roll something. Nope.

Because I wasn't listening. Oh, if you use step, you're fine. Step action, you're good. If you wanted to like stride up to the creature. So I will step action. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then I will cast a fucking lightning bolt.

Yes! Yeah! Come on. Ah! Oh, why do you stop it so early? Because of copyright. I don't want to get demonetized. YouTube.

All right. Range touch, John? No. Reflex save. Straight up reflex, John. Straight up, now tell me, am I going to make this reflex save? 23. That's a fail.

That's a full-blown fucking fail. I need digital. I have to go digital That's a fail. That's a full-blown fucking fail. Oh! I need digital. I have to go digital for this. Let's get digital. Digital. I want to get digital.

Let's get digital. Let me hear you better talk. Your iPhone talk. Let me hear your iPhone talk. That is 28 points of electricity damage. I'll tell you what. It looks like a portion of that got through. Oh, no.

Bastard. Bastard. A portion of it got through. You see the electricity crackle off of its towery form. And now it's its turn and I'm going to have so much fun. Oh my god. What is better?

What is better than what I'm about to do right now? Probably a lot of things. First I'm going to just punch Aldo in the face with a tentacle. You see a black tentacle come up and just... I should warn you, Troy.

What you just did caused my Smite Evil action to extend another turn for free. Great. You know what? Give it three turns. Natural 20. Critical threat. Critical threat. Critical. Critical. Critical threat. Critical threat. Critical threat.

Brand new split the party glass cannon dice available in the gift store. Little planet die right there means a natural Twanzoni. That is a ton of damage. My god. Okay.

The damage dice is a ton of damage. My God. Okay. Jeepers. The damage dice is a D20? No, the damage dice is a D20. It might as well be. Oh, shit. I should have done a bite. That's way better. Anyways.

Okay. No, not that bad. It's going to be 30 points of bludgeoning damage. 30? That was a low roll. I should have done the jaws. No, I just doubled the jaw. Okay.

With its other two actions, it's going to do this really cool power. I don't know if you guys are familiar with it. It's called engulf. No! No! It ought to be engulfed. And it's amazing and chewy.

You're going to eat Aldo? Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Don't engulf me. I'm nude. Shouts. I am going to attempt to engulf Sir Julie Halster and Atticus. What? Because it is a huge creature.

You can all fit inside of its tar. Because I'm naked, it can't see me. Do you understand what I'm saying now? It all came around. Will you listen to me? Didn't it just punch you in the face? That was a mistake. That was a stray tentacle. It was swinging wildly. It just happened

to hit me in the face. Oh my god, this power is so fucking good. The monster strides up to double its speed and can move through the spaces of any creature in its path. You guys can make a reflex save to

avoid being engulfed. So let's start with the reflex save. And let's see who fans. Holy shit. This is fun. Who's speedy? Sir Julie, Atticus, and Halster. Okay, okay. Who's speedy? Sir Julie, Atticus, and Halster. Okay, okay, what'd you get?

90-18. For a total of... I don't think it's going to help, 27. Fail. Oh, no! Oh, shit. I see you getting that die. That was the most honest oh shit I've ever seen you get. A true oh shit. I see you getting that die. That was the most honest oh, shit I've ever seen you get.

A true oh, shit. Let's see it, Grant. An eight. Oh, no! For a 22. Amazing. Atticus. Come on, lucky Columbus die.

Come on, Joe H die. Come on, Joe Hio! No! No! Hero point. Bottle cap. I don't want to use my two. I want to use my two. I'm re-rolling it. Mental 20! Oh!

It's Flickin! Critical threat. Critical threat. critical threat, critical, critical threat. I'm going to let you use the hero point as well, even though we established a rule. I'm not going to bother, because I rolled so well. It didn't matter. A six.

Okay. It was meant to be for Julie and I to be engulfed together. six. Okay. It was meant to be for Julie and I to be engulfed together. So Atticus, let me just... Atticus, let me just put this right there. Oh,

I'll move it right there. You have the option. You can either be pushed out of the doorway or pushed to the side, like closest to Aldo. Will you succeed it? I'll go out of the doorway. Okay. That is your choice.

A creature that fails its save, like Sir Julie and Halster, is pulled into the monster's body. You are grabbed. You are slowed one. And you have to begin holding your breath before you start suffocating. You're going to take some damage

to the tune of 16 points of bludgeoning damage. And where did that go? Okay, now that you're engulfed, you will continue to take 4d8 damage. At the end of your turn, every turn you are engulfed, and you can either get free by escaping, which we've already played around with

during the Sir Julie Halster coitus scene. Or you can attack the... Matthew, you're going to want to hear this. You can attack this monster that's engulfing you, but only with unarmed attacks or with weapons of light bulk or less. I would be flat-footed against those shitty attacks, but if it takes piercing or slashing damage equal to or exceeding the listed rupture threshold of the engulf, then you cut yourself free. But,

as Sir Julie has already seen, it is immune to piercing and slashing damage. So all you can do is try and get past that threshold to get free, but it will not take any damage. There is a lot going on. So an escape check, that's an athletics roll? It's an athletics roll against its fucking... Fortitude DC. Fortitude DC, I think.

I have it here. And there's a bunch of things. Let's talk about suffocation. Every round you do something, if you do nothing, you reduce your remaining air by one round. If you attack or cast any spells, you reduce your total rounds that you can hold your breath by two. You can only hold your breath for a number of rounds equal

to five plus your con mod. What is your con mod? My con mod is a plus three. Plus three? So you've got eight rounds or four if you try to get out. What's your con mod? Plus two. Yikes.

Seven rounds for you. Au contraire, mein Freund. I have a feat called breath control. Oh, yes. That's right. Because you put us on a fucking boat and I was like, he's going to try to throw me overboard in my heavy armor. So I'm going to read you the text. It's fun.

You have incredible breath control, which grants you advantages when air is hazardous or sparse. You can hold your breath for 25 times as long before suffocating. Wow! 25? Wow! And you gain a plus one circumstance

bonus to saving throat against inhaled threats, etc. Awesome. Alright, so we won't worry about you suffocating. I'm worried. I'm worried. I'm worried about you. I'm worried. Let's move on. You are engulfed.

And it is Houser's turn. You have eight rounds before you have to start making fortitude saves to see if you die. So I'd like to just, if I got the sense that I saw something for Aspen, was that what I wanted to see, or did I get a sense that a religion or a knowledge for Aspen check might help me on this creature? No, it was just you chose to do that, and I brilliantly tied it in. No, that's a great job. That's great work. Did you notice how I did that?

That's better than Jason Tatum did last night. So yeah, it won't help you now. This is some sort of aberrant creature. It's ooze-like. What kind of knowledge do you have? I have knowledge, religion, and phrasmalord. This is

not your jam. Do you want to try to escape? Yeah, I want to do that athletics check. Okay. And it's going to be... We decided against Fortitude DC. Is that what it is? I'm looking at you. You've got all the answers, chief. I got it. What?

Unarmed. Oh, against the athletics DC of my creature. Thank you, random gentleman. Okay. I have the DC. Roll your John. Eighteen.

That's your first action. And you failed it. Let's go again. Now, wait a minute. Let me just make sure here. Did that take away two rounds? No, it's just you're going to go by. You can do as many actions as you want.

At the end of this, it's going to eat away at two of your eight rounds. But you're slow, so you only have two. All right. Okay, thank you, Matthew. You're welcome. Bottle cap. We're really helping each other. I like this.

Here comes the second and final attack. Second and final. That is a 24. Yikes. Not only did you not get out, you will take another 48 points of damage, which is 18 points of damage. And I'm guessing because this is constriction damage,

I can't put my shield in front of it, so there's no bonus there. It's just crushing me. Yeah, I mean, where you only have two actions, you absolutely, I would say, if you want to use... I have a reactive shield feat, but it doesn't make like crushing me. Yeah, I mean, where you only have two actions, you absolutely, I would say, if you want to use... I have a reactive shield feat, but it doesn't make sense to me. I wouldn't give it to me.

If I were GMing, I wouldn't give it to you. Yeah, you're surrounded by the thing that's damaging you. So how much damage am I going to take, Troy? Yikes. Yikes.

Who knew the Dreamlands would be a nightmare? Oh, oh, oh? Oh, shut up. It is round two. Did you say round two? Yep. That's not true. Well, here's the good news.

Actually, I think it is. It is Aldo's turn, and Aldo, you feel as if you're the one that has done the most damage to this thing. But you see Sir Julie and Halser just struggling inside. Halser especially is just like gasping for air. Hold your breath, boy.

Yes, master. So, Aldo shouts out, says, creature from the depths of dream, discord, my friends, or taste fiery naked vengeance. Throws a bomb. Natural 17. That is a 32 to hit.

What is it, 32? 32. Critical hit. Yes! Critical threat. Critical hit. Yes! Critical threat, critical threat, critical, critical, critical threat. Finish this bastard off. That is 25, no, 26, sorry, 26 points of fire damage. Wow.

Aldo just popping bombs at this formless spawn. Second action. Second action. Throws down the bomb. That is not quite a successful. What a horrible sound. That is a 14 to hit. 14 is a miss. Right.

Very low chance to hit on this third action. What are you thinking here? I think given that so far this is the only thing that's proven to have any effect whatsoever, he's going to take his chances and throw a third bomb. Hey, you know what? You might get lucky. 19 hit. 19 is a hit.

Yes! It's a big target. It's a huge creature. Nine more points of fire damage. It's a huge creature. Nine more points and you'll fly out in damage. And that all goes through. At least somebody showed up to this combat. Joe. Sir Julie, you're caught in there.

I'm not going to worry about tracking your suffocation with this amazing metagaming feat you took. So what actions would you like to do? You have two of them. You saw Houser just trying to escape, and it wasn't working. You feel as if it might be better to try and rupture your way out. Though you won't do damage to it, it's flat-footed against your attack. If you can beat that rupture threshold, you will get

free. So I can't use my greatsword, though? No, it has to be light weapon or unarmed. Why don't you punch it? You said light bulk, though, right? Not a light weapon. Light bulk, yeah. Or unarmed. My greatsword is almost certainly not light bulk. No, no, it's very bulky. Don't call

my greatsword bulky. It's not a carry-on. Okay, but what did he do? He was trying to escape, right? Yeah. Athletics, it was an unarmed attack roll against your athletics DC? Yes, yes. I'm going to try that for my first action. Eh, why not? Why not give it the old

college try? We're in a college town. 22. Such a fail. Such a horrible fail. I should look here and see if that was a a fail. Such a horrible fail. I should look here and see. Oh, if that was a critical fail. Oh, man. Oh, that's very cool. 23, huh? Yeah. Try it again. See if you're critical fail.

All right. Okay, 26. Did you take the penalty for two unarmed attacks? Yes. Also a fail. Okay. Oh, God. Yikes.

Okay. All right. Give me my damage. Oh, thank you for reminding me. You're a real honest Abe. You take 15 points of damage as it just squeezes the life out of you. Atticus, you're up.

Can I release my greatsword as a free action? Yeah, it just starts floating and dissolving. I'll hold on to it for now. Okay. Atticus, it's your turn, man. Your friends are in bad shape, and Aldo is trying his best to save them, but you are not good at this game.

What do you do? That's so rude. What do you do? That's so rude. What do you do? Cast an illusion? Yeah, illusion doesn't seem like it's going to work here. There's a lot of optiones. Use your illusion

to lose your illusion. Atticus is going to Oh, boy.icus is going to... Oh, boy. He is going to... Fuck. He's gonna fuck. All right.

I'm interested in testing the dreamlands. This could be bad. Atticus is going to draw a wand from his belt. Oh. Okay. A hairy little wand pops out. He holds it really low. Join me! Join me, Atticus!

You say, you hungry fella? That's gross. You're gross, Atticus. He, uh... All right, so... What do you do? He is gonna draw a wand. That wand is a wand of scorching ray.

Yes! Yes! Yes. Okay. The problem, the conundrum, is that he's already used the wand of scorching ray. So this would be what is called in 2E overcharging the wand.

That's fun. That sounds fun. Now I'm curious if maybe an item being destroyed in the Dreamlands isn't actually destroyed in real life. GM Fiat. Or in real life. GM Fiat. Or in the rules. The Dreamlands section of the core rulebook.

Yeah, I'll look that up. You don't know what I got back here. I don't know what I... Either way, I'm going to try it because I want fire. You've seen firework. It's a big risk. You've seen firework. So basically, I'm going to cast Scorching Ray.

Maybe it's destroyed in the Dreamlands, but it's okay in real life. Interesting. It's up big risk. You've seen firework. So basically I'm going to cast Scorching Ray. Maybe it's destroyed in the dreamlands, but it's okay in real life. Interesting. It's up to Troy. That would be my guess. Give it the old college try, buddy. He pulls it out, and he says the trigger word that he's cast Scorching Ray. Steve. But I still have to roll to hit.

Fuck. Wait. 19. Against regular AC? Yes. Hits exactly. Yes! Yes!

All right. So he does. Two rock around, two rock around. That's right. Our time is tricky. Bad roll, unfortunately. But he does do 12 points of fire damage. All of it gets through.

And then I have to roll on the wand. It is a DC 11 flat check. If I succeed, it is broken. If I fail, it is destroyed. Oh. And then it's in the dreamland. So you decide what that really means. Let's have some fun here.

Come on, Columbus! Help me out! Twelve! Yes! Yes! Just broken. Just broken. Joe Haya! Joe Haya!

I love you guys. I love you guys. I did have a little bit of a twelve percenter tonight, but I really do love you guys. I love you guys. I did have a little bit of a 12%-er tonight, but I really do love you guys. Okay. Pretty sweet. My turn. Fudgesicle.

I think I'll start with this cool power called Storm of Tentacles. Cost me two actions. I can make up to three tentacle strikes, each against a different creature. So in this case, I can only hit Aldo and Atticus. And these attacks count towards

my multiple attack penalty, but the penalty doesn't increase until I'm finished all three of these attacks. So they will all be at their highest BAB against you. And you can pull me all you want. Talk to Ron Lundeen. How many actions is the attack?

Two. Oh, that is. But basically I'm getting to attack both of you at my highest B. This is a real nightmare. A, B. All right, first one is going to be at Aldo. All of a sudden you see this black ichor rise up and it just goes. A, B. All right, first one is going to be at Aldo. All of a sudden you see this black ichor rise up,

and it just goes throughout the room. And against Aldo, it's going to be a 28 to hit. That is a hit. That is a hit. And that is going to be maximum damage. My God. 22 points of damage. Oh, boy.

And then against this little guy. Oh, dude, this might be a crit. 36? That is a crit. Critical threat. Critical threat. Critical. Critical. Critical threat. My old friend Nick Lowe singing my death to me. It's not too bad.

36 points of damage. Here's the best news. I have one more attack. I'm going to use my jaws, which will be at a minus five, thanks to Storm of Tentacles. Mind you, if those two knuckleheads didn't get engulfed, it had another attack at a plus 20, but instead I'm going to use my jaws because they do 2d10 plus 10 damage.

For the record, you just did a pelvic thrust. Alright, 1, 2. Atticus. 3, 4. Come on, Atticus. Aldo. Hit Atticus. What is it? Is it a 1? It's a 4. 4. That's Atticus. Oh, good Hit Atticus. What is it? Fuck. Is it a one? It's a four.

Four. That's Atticus. Oh, good. Oh, I thought you said one, two Atticus. Didn't I say one, two Aldo? Right? That's it. One, two Aldo. Everyone's like, yes.

Three, four Atticus. All right. This is going to be a jaw. God help you if this is a crit. Dude. Fine. I'm not afraid of you. 22 to hit.

Oh, that's a miss he was reaching for his damage dice he was reaching for he's too sprightly dude fair enough illusionist there was another me you hit it I wasn't really there

it's all flavor. Halster, you have six rounds before you begin suffocating inside of this thing. Escape just wasn't working for you. You see Sir Julie struggling against the same thing. What do I do? Do you have a light weapon?

I do have a... My short sword is bulk L4 light, so here it comes with a short sword! Okay, it's flat-footed against this attack. That is a 16 on the die. That's going to hit. Nice. Will it crit, though, with a 35? With a 35?

With a 35, baby! That is a crit. Yeah! And why that's so important. Critical crit! That's amazing. crit. Yeah! And why that's so important. Critical threat! Critical threat! That's amazing. Alright, that's really amazing for you because

it's not going to do any damage to it because it's immune to the damage of your weapon. However, you need that extra juice of the double damage to break your way past the rupture threshold. Give me your damage. How's the extra juice of a 36 feel to you, Malfally?

Yes! Please place yourself on the square you would like to go on. Splat! Oh! You're out. But Sir Julia's left inside. You know what's great about that? You don't take the engulf damage to the end

of your turn, so you're not going to take it at all this round. And I'm not slowed, and I'm not grabbed, which means I have two more actions, Troy. You sure do, good buddy. I'm going to run away from it. I can't do anything. It's immune to my weapon, so I...

All right, so you go to the back of the room, and that was two actions to get there? No, it was one action. I'm trying to think of what else I could do to aid Sir Julie at this point. Kill it. Kill it. He can't hear you. Yeah, I can't hear you.

Could I make an argument, by the way? Could I have squeezed next to Atticus at that point? Or would that not be a good angle where Sir Julie was? Yeah, no, because it's taking up the whole doorway. Yeah, all right, so you move over to there. He got out, too. I'm going to move over to Aldo the long way. That's basically what I'm going to do.

It's the end of the round. Great turn, great turn. Top to bottom. End of the round. What do you think? Should we go a little long what time is your flight tomorrow we're never coming back here

so alright we're going long we're going long we're going long so good you're large cause we're going long we're going long we're going long so good you're large Thank you, Nick Lowe.

Oh, my sweet loins. It is Aldo's turn. Aldo, you have been the hero of this combat, nay, this adventure. What do you do? Aldo, standing nud nay, this adventure. What do you do? Aldo standing nudely before this creature. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Wearing nought but goggles and a bandolier, says, well, you seem to have met your match, foul creature.

How about taste a little more fire, aye? And throws out a bomb. That is a 27 to hit. That is a hit. Save that Jolly Ranger. He'll sign it later. 11 more points of fire damage. Oh, baby. Keep going. One more. Boom.

For good measure. Natural 20. Hey! That is a... What's the total? It's got to be a crit. That is a 30. That is a critical hit. Yes!

But I say we'll tumble. 16 points of damage. 16 points total? You only rolled 8 damage? Yeah. Okay. Third attack. Going to do it again. Miss.

Okay. And in fact, that is a seven, so that's probably a fumble. It is a fumble. But we don't have fan fumbles yet, so it's just sad. We will. But what happens when you fumble throwing a bomb? Is anything... Nothing happens.

Splash damage kills the creature. We're going to have fan fumbles soon. Everybody calm down. It is Sir Julie's turn. Sir Julie, you're trapped in this thing. It's true. Now, I can't just follow. I can just escape through the hole that Halster cut.

No, right as he left it sealed up. Convenient. Yes. Alright, so I will release my greatsword as a free action. Okay. Draw a dagger, which I assume is an interact action? Sure.

Is it? Yeah. Okay, and then I will swing to try to cut myself free. Oh, gosh. 20 to hit. That's a hit. I know, but it was on an 18. That's a hit.

All right. But do you have enough damage? It's got to be one single shot to break the rupture threshold. Does my smite evil apply? Okay. Sure. Is it still continuous at this point? You've been attacking my friends, so it keeps extending it.

Fair enough. God. Minimum damage. Eleven points of damage. Sadly, you are stuck inside of this thing while it kills your friends. Okay. I kills your friends. Okay. I'll try again.

Okay. Do you have enough actions left? This is my second action. Oh, no. I drew the dagger. That's it. Thanks for playing. It's Atticus's turn.

Atticus. You want to give me my damage? Oh, yeah. I'll give you that 4d8. Jonski. 19 points of damage. You're going to die inside of a goose. Joe, what do you got, buddy?

What a weird game. Yep. I can't believe Atticus hasn't killed it yet. There's so many hit points, I don't know what to do. Does it seem weakened at all? Does it seem like it's fading away or it's harder? You know what I mean? Charred.

I know it's taking damage, but is it like... I'll tell you, you are weakening it, but even when you crit, you feel like it might be immune to crits as well. Like you're just, it is a massive, massive creature that has a lot of hit points. And you're chipping away at it. Massive pain in the ass. But you're not. Yeah, you really need to like

cross the streams here. Okay. Ray of Frost. God damn it. Alright. In that case, I'm going to play the long game for a minute here, and I am going to cast... I'm going to step away, get a little bit of cover, whatever.

It's not anything. Okay. And I will cast Mirror Image. Mirror Image. So he increases his defenses against whatever this sword tentacle thing might be. Okay. Smart.

Selfish. But smart. I'm playing the long game, man. Yeah. Well, it's its turn. And I think it's time I do another Storm of Tentacles. Two actions and now I get to hit Halster. And Aldo

And You know what I don't think I can hit Atticus out there So you're alright LaRusso Oh so You can't hit me at all in this location Yeah where you are standing You're fully behind that wall

While it's tar It extends out there Did you move or did you step? I stepped. Okay, because, yeah, you are in the... Okay. So it means I can't hit it either. You got that by me, you son of a bitch. When you moved to Aldo, I should have had you

roll an acrobatics to balance. All I do is get things by you, Troy. It's all right. I forgot. Hands off the chess piece. It's my turn. I'm going to kill you anyways. First attack is to get Aldo plus 20 to hit. 36. Is that a crit? Because I'm naked, that is a crit.

Man, nobody commits to the role play like Skidmar, ladies and gentlemen. 36 points of bludgeoning damage. Oh my god! I am dying one. No! We have never.

Come on. Oh wait. That was a crit. You're dying two. That's right. Right. I'm dying two. You're dying two.

This asshole's nodding his head. It really is. We have never had an encounter like this in nine years of playing Bad Five. No. Second attack is against Halster. Cracked Eye, once again, is going to be a 30. That is a hit, but I'm going to reactively pull up my shield as you hit me. Okay.

Are you eating a Jolly Rancher? I'm having two, in fact. A grape and a watermelon. You take 16 points of bludgeoning damage. And then it's going to attack you one more time with its jaws, now that it sees Aldo lying on the ground. Jaws is going to be a minus five here. Oh, boy.

That's a 30 to hit. That's a hit. That's a hit. Let me get my D10s. I'm going to need a couple of them for this roll. That's going to be 19 points of bludgeoning. Oh. If only I had one more action, I could grab you in my jaws.

But I don't. New round. Aldo's turn. We really need you, buddy. Oh. Wait, what about Aldo moves? In initiative. Aldo moves into the really need you buddy Oh Wait what about Oh no Aldo moves In initiative

Aldo moves into the Before the creature To right before the creature Get ready to roll Some checks Meanwhile Sir Julie's turn Sir Julie

You gotta get out of there They need your sword Even though it's Immune to your attacks It's immune to my It's my sword And also I just I just read

And we were misled By the crowd I can't The smite evil Is still active But it only only inhabits the weapon my blade ally inhabits, which is my greatsword. So it does not apply. Thank you for being honest.

You missed anyway, so it doesn't matter. So, no, I hit, but I didn't do enough damage. But without that extra damage, I'm not sure I can cut through, because the max amount of damage I can do on a dagger is 10. You want to try and escape? I think that's the only thing I can do. First things first, I'm going to lay on hands. Okay.

So I'm just going to give myself some hit points back since I'm apparently going to be in here a little while. Get comfortable. The other thing I just realized, by the way, is my other option would be to wake up. You told us about this between shows. Oh, yeah, yeah.

But I can't because I'm slowed, and it's a three-action. Oh, wow. So cool. Yes, so there is an option that I told them about offscreen because I forgot to mention it when you were researching the dream ritual. There is an option to wake up. It is a three-action, John, where you basically roll a will save, and if you pass the DC... What's the DC?

You don't have to tell me what it is, but is it set by the adventure? Yeah, set by the adventure. And if you pass, you wake up, but then you leave your friends. Does it ever change, or is it static throughout the dreamlands? Don't worry about it. Okay. Second action. I'm going to try to escape. All right. You about it. Okay, second action.

I'm going to try to escape. All right, you got this. Come on. 20. You do not got this. You're so bad. Why don't one of you get me out? In the meantime, take 21 points of damage.

Oh, jeez. On that red hot jelly roll. Alright. It is Atticus's turn. Atticus, come on, dude. Atticus will, assuming he doesn't have line of effect to the creature because it couldn't attack him,

he will step now back in front of the creature with his many Attachi floating around in front of it. And he will cast he will cast magic missile. Shit!

I just lose a little damage because of that step, but it is what it is. I'll just, the creature's not taking any damage. Alright, I'm not going to do that this round. This round I'm going to try something else. He steps, and he's going to cast... I'm not sure if this will work on the Dreamlands or with this creature or whatever, but he's going to cast

Ray of Enfeeblement on the creature. Oh, okay. Let's see if it has strength that can be brought down to hurt its melee attacks. Okay. So this is a ranged strike.

Okay. That is a 24 to hit. Against its AC? Against its AC. That is a hit. All right. So you are enfeebled one. Okay.

And talk about enfeebled. Enfeebled is you take minus one to any strength-based checks, any strength-based melee attacks, and damage rolls. Okay. Minus one. Great spell. No, no, I mean, like, I wish it was better, buddy, but, you know. Against this creature laying out 40 damage per hit.

I know, but, like, I'm setting shit up. I got my mirror image. I'll be here for another round. Just get ready! Here's the thing. It's Aldo's turn. So Aldo, you need now to roll a save. And what is the DC? It's set by your dying condition. Yeah, it's recovery

check. It's DC 10 plus the value of my dying condition, which is 2. So I have to roll a 12 or higher on a d20. It's just a flat check? Yeah. 16.

Okay. Okay. So now do you move to dying one? No. No. I stabilize at dying two. Okay. You stabilize at zero, and I believe you have wounded two condition.

Right. So you're no longer dying. You're no longer dying. You are stable at zero. Okay. And if for some reason you come back up, if you went back down, your dying would increase by your wounded condition. If he goes down again, he goes right to dying three? Unless it's a crit where he goes right

to dying four. And then he's dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead, dead. Dead! Well, it's funny you should mention that, because with Storm of Tentacles, it attacks everyone. He's still unconscious. Yep. It's going to attack

Aldo and Halster. What about Atticus? You're outside the door, dude. Did you step over? Oh, yeah, I'll attack you, too. All right! It has three tentacles.

Hey! I'm going to start with you. Okay, but when is my turn? I didn't get one after the... You're after the spawn. Yeah, I didn't get one in between there and now. You didn't? I'm sorry. Please take your turn.

Can I do battle medicine on Aldo? Yes. Okay, I will do that as a single action. Here it comes. That is a 28, so you will heal for 14 points. And would that have, were that happened before his stabilize, would he remove the wounded condition? I would have used two actions to stabilize him with a spell first.

Right, but I'm saying, is the wounded condition now gone? I don't think so. Wounded stays. Awesome. Okay, great. And now you have any more actions? I have more, but I can't do anything. He puts himself gingerly in front of Aldo's legs, which are splayed in an unflattering position right now.

Three attacks. Wounded stays? Yeah. He reluctantly said, yes, wounded stays. splayed in an unflattering position right now. Three attacks. Did wounded stay? Yeah. He reluctantly said yes, wounded stays. First attack. No, the wounded condition ends if someone successfully restores hit points to you with treat wounds, or if you're restored to full hit points and rest for ten minutes.

Right, which he didn't do. He did medicine. He didn't treat wounds. I treated wounds. Battle wounds is treat wounds. Are you telling me this guy's wrong? Battle medicine is treat wounds. So he healed him up. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's fine. Oh, boy.

All right. Three attacks. First one is at Atticus. 33 to hit. Well, shit on a shingle. You slow down. You destroy an image. Is that how that works?

Congratulations on your hit. Okay. Automatically destroy an image and I don't hit you? You don't even know how your spells work. I read it earlier, and now I'm confused. You piece of shit.

No, it's good, it's good. Any attack that would hit you... Yeah. Oh, there's three images. And an attack that would hit you, it just kills an image. All right. But if you critically succeed, you hit me and destroy an image. Great.

Good talk. Next shot is against Aldo. Excuse me, against this Halster. Halster. 36. Oh, my God. That's a hit. It's, yeah, my, I didn't say I used an action to raise a shield, so it's a crit.

I mean, unless you say. Critical crit. Critical. it's a crit. I mean, unless you say... Critical threat, critical threat, critical... Critical, critical threat! 32 points of damage. And then the final attack... Yes, what? Come back to me. It is kind of like 1E.

It is a random roll. Thank you. So you get a 1D4. Thank you for being honest. On a 4, you hit me. On a 1 to 3, you destroy an image. 1, destroy an image. Great.

All right. We're doing it right. And now the final hit is against Aldo. And once again, he is not wounded from that healing. He is just fine. He's not wounded, yes. Okay. And you are a liar is what Matthew is saying.

How dare he say that to you? You got front row seats. You paid $1,000 like we're the Rolling Stones. And he's calling you a liar. I'm so sorry. Are you going to take that from me? Did we meet in the hotel last night? No.

Sorry. Matthew, we need more information on this. I'll sit. He said no like he was lying. It must have been another rare. Talk to me after the show. Another rare bearded fan. 26 to hit.

Aldo, 26 to hit. That's a hit. I am going to make an argument that this would invoke my retributive strike. From inside. Hold on. 20 points of damage. No. All right.

Wait. I'm dying. Except he gets DR9. And you're inside. It I'm dying. Except he gets DR9. And you're inside. It doesn't matter. The trigger is an enemy damages your ally, and both are within 15 feet. There is nothing about line of sight. Wait, wait.

Let me read engulf. Engulf. Can you do that when you're slowed? It's a reaction. I don't care. Can you take reactions when you're slowed? Exactly. That's the I don't care. Can you take reactions when you're slowed? Exactly. That's the question that I'm asking.

He's not even looking at us anymore. Slowed. I'm looking at it right now. When you gain actions, reduce the number of actions. I guess you can. Stupid. So you get DR9. Stupid.

So 11 points of damage. 11? Yeah. Okay. I'm still standing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm still standing. I get to make a strike against the enemy. Would you consider this an attempt to cut myself out? Sure. There we go. This is so ruined. Okay we go. Okay, 25. 25 to hit?

Yes. That's a hit. Okay. Max damage, 10 points of damage. We've wasted all of our time. All right. I'm waiting for the crit. It's Halster's turn.

Halster, you know that it is immune to piercing. You know it's immune to slashing. I already told you it's immune to crits. What do you do? I have no effing clue what to do at this point. Cut me out. Cut me out. Yeah, yeah. I'll step up, and I'll try to cut Sir Julie out.

I can't do any more battlefield medicine to Houser, so, or to Aldo, so I'm going to cut Sir Julie out from the outside. Does that work? No, you can't, it's a flavor cut. All you can do is attack it. Okay. And if you try to attack it with a slashing or piercing weapon, it's not going to do any damage. I would argue that if you can do... Stop arguing!

If you can slash it open long enough to get out but deal no damage, you can slash it open long enough to get in and deal no damage. Interesting argument. Tell it to Juilliard. This is the school of hard knocks. They would not be interested. They would be thoroughly uninterested.

Tell it to Kevin Kline. We have a curfew here! Can I stop Aldo from being hit by standing in front of him, or do I get a sense this creature is so large? It's got reach. Okay. You can protect it like it's harder to hit him. Do you know how going through enemy squares works?

I'd like to leave the room in a terror. Well, you've got to roll an acrobatics check to balance because of its writhing tentacles. Okay. Dude, you're fucked. You're fucked. If you can't hit this thing with fire, you're fucked. Fine. Because you've got to try fucked. It's blocking the doorway.

You can't get out. Can I wake up? Three action wake up. Three action wake up! I love it. Come back and fight another day. No, this isn't real. I don't want to be here anymore.

This is awesome. Give me... This is awesome. Give me a will save. Okay, okay. That's typically what happens when I wake up. Shit. 19 for a 34. Ooh.

All of you standing there, see Halster disappear. Wow! So weird. So bizarre. Good night, Grant. He awakens in a bathroom

taking a pee. Yeah, Grant, he's a very smart guy. He knows how the lighting works. Halster is gone. Sir Julie, sir, and Sir Julie, what do you got? I'm going to lay on hands. You know what? No, I'm not going to lay on hands.

I'm just going to try two attempts to get out of here. Okay. And I'm going to hope for the crit. You're doing the unarmed strikes? Yep. No, I'm going to... You might have a. You're doing the unarmed strikes? Yep. I might have a better mathematical chance with the unarmed strikes. I don't think I'm ever going to get past

its athletics DC, so I've been cutting myself out and hoping for the crit. I think you'll get past the athletics DC. I'm going to try it with the dagger first. 18 to hit. It's flat-footed. Flat-footed, that is a hit. It's flat-footed. Flat-footed, that is a hit. But 10 won't cut me out.

All right. That has to be one single strike. I need that crit. Yeah. But I can't roll above a 10. Yeah. You're terrible. I roll another natural three.

Oh, my God. Sir Julie. Sir Julie. Wake up. Oh, you can't. You Sir Julie. Sir Julie. Wake up. Oh, you can't. You're slow. I can't wake up. What a horrible nightmare.

What a horrible... I'm already having a nightmare. She can never wake up Atticus. Atticus is going to... Magic missile. Okay. Three magic missiles fire off at the creature

as he stands in front of it. Don't give me that. That okay, like you don't care. Just give me your damage. Like it doesn't matter. That is nine points of force damage. So

absolutely shitty. Is that three actions? What? Was that three actions? How many actions was it? That's three actions, yeah. I rolled two ones. Terrible, terrible turn. It is Aldo's turn. Alright. Aldo wants to wake up at this point,

but he's also the only person that is actually doing anything to this thing. So he knows he's going to abandon his friends to madness, maybe, if he does leave. So he's going to stay, try to burn this thing to death. That is a 30 to hit. That is a crit, which it is immune to. So just give me the regular damage. Oh, that is 14 points of damage.

Okay, you're really doing damage to this thing. Okay. Do it again. Are you lying? No, you are. I say that because no one else is. 21 to hit. What is it?

21. That is a hit. Okay. 11 more 21 to hit. What is it? 21. That is a hit. Okay. Uh, 11 more points of damage. It's getting close. Okay, one more. Natural 20. Yeah!

Uh, 14 more points of damage. How many? 14. And it's dead. Yes! Aldo! Aldo! Aldo! Oh, we needed you.

We needed you, Aldo. Oh, jolly ranchers go sailing into the crowd. Suddenly on the deck or below deck on the Selen Starling. Halster's eyes open up. Oh, yeah. And we'll see you in L.A.

Oh! That's the show, everybody! Thank you, Columbus! Thank you, Columbus! Thank you, Columbus Thank you Columbus! Thank you Columbus! You guys! Thank you guys! Thank you so much!

We'll be back! We'll be back. We'll be back. you