The Glass Cannon Podcast - Strange Aeons Episode 5 – Praise Log!

Episode Date: May 30, 2022

Portland, Oregon was ROCKING for a sold out show at The Mission Theater as the newly leveled heroes got behind the barricade and discovered the survivors of the asylum uprising! Join Troy Lavallee, Joe O'Brien, Skid Maher, Grant Berger and Matthew Capodicasa as they tour the country playing the Lovecraftian Horror Strange Aeons Pathfinder Adventure Path. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/1SGxmmedRyo Recap 12:00 Gameplay 24:53 For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for exclusive content and benefits, subscribe today at patreon.com/glasscannon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

See yourself buying a home one day? Do future you a favor. Open a Questrade first home savings account and help that future come faster. The FHSA is a tax-free account where all your investment gains are yours to keep and put towards your first home. With Questrade, you can open an FHSA online. No bank appointment needed. It's easy and only takes a few minutes. The sooner you get started, the more time your down payment has to grow. Open an account today at questrade.com. Order up for Damien. Hey, how did your doctor's appointment go, by the way? Did you ask about Rebelsis? Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today.

Did you say Rebelsis? My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis, really? Yeah, he says it's a pill that... That's right. Did you know it's also covered by most private insurance plans? Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca.

Order up for Rebelsis. Well, hello, Portland! you guys got me fired up i just got real fired up i think in the past half hour, I've had a sugar-free Red Bull, two beers, and three vodka sodas. So I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack. I also feel, like, nauseous and a little sad. And I kind of want to fist fight a mailbox. That's where I'm at right now. Now, listen, I know I've made bold predictions in the past, and sometimes those predictions fall flatter than Matthew's roleplaying. Whoa!

No, sometimes that happens. But I have this feeling, down in my plums, that tonight is going to be the best show yet. How can it not be? Because here's the thing. Obviously, we want to tell this story. We want to show off our love and share our love of Pathfinder,

but I really want these live shows to be a party. Be a real party. Like if at the end of the night everyone still has their clothes on, and no one is pregnant that wasn't pregnant when they walked in, then I feel like I'm not doing my job as a game master. Can you imagine whipping this crowd up into such a fury? Clothes just flying everywhere. Just because of a live tabletop role-playing game.

That they're like, I've got to bang a stranger. Without protection. You know what, maybe Portland isn't ready for that. Maybe that's more of a Portland, Maine thing. Oh, boo! Show me. We've got two hours. Go, people!

Yeah! That's what I'm talking about right there, Troy. We're all over. Yes, they only have one professional sports team, so... It's a lot of transplants. Working on it. Now, if you've watched our Dallas show, or if you were there,

you know the thing's got a little out of hand. Because our gracious audience thought it'd be fun to send us 19 rounds of shots for the show. Nope. Everybody calm down. This is why I'm giving this disclaimer. Now, here's the thing.

My liver can handle it, because all that's left is like a black shriveled mass. Right. It just looks like a dry chili pepper. How dare you? How dare you, madam? But even though I can take it, poor Matthew is made out of the stuff they make memory foam mattresses out of. You will kill the boy. So please keep your Portland hospitality till after the show.

How dare you? That's all they do. It's funny, now that I said that, I kind of want a shot. No, we can't. We're not going to have any shots. We're going to play. Now, here's the thing. This is my second time

visiting Portland. Skid and I came here last year. We came to visit GCP West, which was yet again organized this year by the incomparable April Westerville. And I've had some time to explore Portland, and I have to say it is

one dope-ass city. But do you know who loves Portland more than anyone else I've ever met? People from Portland. You guys love you some Portland. Can't stop talking about it.

Nope. I see their Instagram. It's like, look at this Portland tree. Have you seen the Portland Mountain? It's the only one in existence. It's like only one in existence. It's like asking a vegan about couscous or something. Here's a picture of my organic, granola-flavored, cage-free kombucha. Hashtag Portland.

Well, here's the thing. That shit doesn't work in New York. I can't, like, post a picture of two pigeons fighting over a used condom in Times Square. Hashtag New York. Just calm down, Portland. You carry around your metal straws, you weirdos. I tried to get a straw yesterday. I was like, hey, can I get a straw?

He was like, no, we don't do that. I was like... And he seemed kind of offended that you even asked. What are those? I just don't understand. Let's save the turtles. Skid, how you doing, man? You must love it out here.

I do. I love Portland. I've been coming here a lot all my life. I do. I want to point out that not only is my girlfriend, Samantha, here again, and her uncle. But also my uncle, Sinclair, is here somewhere.

Who has lived here for many, many, many years now. He used to own the Elliott Glacier brew pub out in Hood River for a long time. And he was my uncle who bought me my first D&D Redbox in 1981.

He's somewhere. So yeah, show him a good time. I was walking around the city this morning and I saw two people in long robes, just kind of out of place in the city, and I thought you would do really well here if you just moved and started a cult. Wouldn't he be a good cult

leader? It wasn't a universal yes, but I heard at least ten potential members. That's all you need. It's a good start. A cult isn't something that everyone wants to be in. Not at first. Grant, Grant, you tall glass of poop.

How are you? I'm doing all right, Troy. How are you? I'm good. I realized something when I was watching the old videos today. The reason this party is in so much trouble, and this should not be a shock to anyone, is because you're basically the closest thing they have to a frontline fighter. And any time you take the smallest amount of damage, you run 25 feet away in the other direction. But you have this amazing way of trying to make it a story moment. So everyone else could be at two hit points,

and you'll be at a cool 34 out of 35. And you'll be like, I need to go over near that wall because my father... It's his archetype. My father was a wall, and I have to... I'm going to go 25 feet away

from the enemy. And you're going to kill this party. I'm excited for that. Let's have it happen tonight. Three deaths in Portland. Tonight might be the night. Matthew, how are you? Very afraid about what you're going to do to me right now.

What are you talking about? I would never say anything mean. This morning, as we all know, Troy starts off strong in the mornings. I realize that Joe is effectively our bomb suit. I jump on the grenade. He jumps on the grenade that is Troy. I open the door between our adjoining rooms. I was like, how's he doing?

He's still mean? And then I just heard foul vitriol coming from Troy. I just closed the door. That's how I get warmed up. Well, you've been very busy. You've been writing furiously all weekend. That's true. You're trying to cut down a play from 200 pages to 150 or something like that?

About that, yeah. Now, I haven't seen any of your plays. I'm busy. But, no, I would like to see them. None of us have. None of us have. I have. Joe has.

I saw one, I think. Yeah, Joe did. And it was really, really good. Seriously. It was really good. Well, this is my question, because I wonder if I ever sneak into one. I have this feeling that the characters are...

This is Shmoe O'Brien and Brent Gerger. And Squid Bar is leading a merry band of adventurers on an adventure against the evil Roy Trevally. Roy Trevally. And the lead character is a fierce but tiny woman named Matthew Capodacasa.

That's what I imagine. You said you'd never seen one. I knew it! I knew it! Got you. Joey Old Draft Dodger, how are you buddy man I am doing fantastic seriously I love being in the Pacific Northwest it is I love Troy has just been awful about it the last couple days but I love, Troy has just been awful about it the last couple days, but I love mountains and I love clean air and bright or dark green trees and like just everything that isn't on the East Coast. I wish my immigrant Irish relatives made it out West and didn't just stop due to poverty in the first place they got. Poverty and apathy.

Poverty combined with apathy. Yeah. Right. It's just so wonderful out here. Grant and I were like, we're just going to hike tomorrow. That's not going to happen. But if it did...

We're waking up at 8 o'clock. We're renting a car. We're driving a little bit out to Mount Hood. A little bit out. We're going to go up to the peak. Our flight's not so late. Yes. See the Timberline Lodge.

I love this whole area. It'll be fine. It'll be fine. We woke up. We wanted to sleep in today, but we woke up at the crack of 545. Yeah, that time difference. Like a couple of dads. We both changed each other's diapers.

It was nice. Just out of habit. Well, you know, when he's out all night at the brewery He needs a changing early in the morning I spit up a little and he cleaned me up It was very nice And then we went to the adjoining room And peed on Grant and suckled at Matthew's nipples It was very nice

And then we took a nap Early nap Satisfying Gotta stay in practice I don't leave home that often so now i think that this session tonight is going to be unique for a couple of reasons uh as you'll soon see but i'm a little nervous because uh this is one of those sessions where you just have to let the improv machine take over at a certain point everybody knows that improv is the lowest

form of comedy just below mime. Yes. You never know what's going to happen. Oh yeah. Anybody that goes, pays to go to an improv show and sits there like this is a real roll of the dice. Just walk to the toilet and throw it in. Mind you, all of these people have effectively paid to come to an improv show. I know. I know. This is all heavily scripted.

Except for the first hour and a half tonight. And the last 20 minutes. But I am out for blood, because I think this party has been getting off too easy. You almost killed every single one of us last time. But I didn't finish the job. We're not moving through combats quickly enough. We've got three casters and a coward.

Somebody's got to go. So if we get into an encounter, I'm rolling rocks. It's happening, and somebody's going down right here in Portland. But for now, let's play pretend. Yes.

Yes! Take a sip of my juice. That's good juice. Now, if you've been following the adventure thus far, traveling the continental United States from L.A. to Philly to Chicago to Dallas and now to Portland, you know the story already.

Four heroes awake from a nightmare to find themselves imprisoned in a donjon. One hero... That really got you, huh? That got me. Awesome. Easy prey tonight. I've been drinking. That's not even my A material.

One hero is immediately killed by a doppelganger posing as a doctor because the player controlling said hero is terrible at this game. Just terrible. Respectfully disagree. I didn't mention any names. They escape from their prison, making their way upstairs through a cold furnace boiler to discover that they're in some sort of battered asylum. In addition to looking as if the asylum itself has suffered some recent

calamity, it also appears to be overrun by these doppelgangers and other strange creatures like zoogs, giant centipedes, disembodied hands, and a tiny murder clown. Amidst all this madness, though, there is perhaps a glimmer of hope behind a barricade in the main hallway. They see a light and hear voices. The voices aren't friendly, but at least they're not monstrous. They're wary voices, paranoid and afraid. What lies behind the barricade, no one knows, but our heroes won't be able to find out unless they bring back three fresh doppelganger corpses to prove that they themselves aren't doppelgangers.

The four heroes, Mrs. Old Lady, the psychic detective investigator, James, the rat folk, elder mythos scholar wizard. Sheila, the mad scientist alchemist. And of course, the disenchanter war priest, now known simply as best friend.

They began last session having retrieved two of the three corpses needed to succeed at Crossbow Jackson's seemingly arbitrary fetch quest. They enter a room with three bodies chained to a wall. One, a grayish, sickly-looking creature

gnawing on the arm of a second body, a corpse, also chained to the wall. And a third man in dirty robes with a strange symbol on his head who cannot communicate, saying only, praise, praise. Words fail. Sandaloo sees. They kill the creature eating the middle prisoner And free the confused one Calling him Praise Shields They then enter what was once a laundry room With a hanging sheet dividing the room in half The room itself seems to be converted

From the laundry room into some sort of failed surgery Or operating room Mrs. Old Lady stabs at the sheet and the sheet falls, but there's no doppelganger behind it. It looked like there was. There was a lantern with a shadow of a doppelganger.

She stabs at it with her sword cane. The sheet goes down. There's no doppelganger. Instead, there is a woman, most likely deceased, lying on a table and another one of these grayish, gaunt-looking creatures

in a basin, most likely also dead. James goes to check on the woman. She's still alive. Her name is Iza Weeds, and she was a nurse here when the asylum fell, after which creatures dragged her here to do who knows what to her. Just then, the creature in the basin speaks up. And you always listen when a basin creature speaks.

Rule number one. And the creature says, she's not real. They look at the woman. Boom. Doppelganger. A fight breaks out. And for the second time

in as many combats, the party is almost entirely killed. Sheila, Mrs. Old Lady, and best friend both get knocked unconscious, but with some clever illusion magic by James. Best Friend is revived just in time to land the killing blow and they prevail by the skin of

their teeth while also graduating to second level. Yeah! So I think we should kick off this show Just talking about second level Maybe rolling some HP live Which for this party is huge Huge

Now our system is We graciously The GM rolls and the player rolls and you get to keep the better number. If it's a tie, tough shit. The grant rule is not in effect. You be careful or there'll be a Troy rule

and you won't like it. Matthew, I want to hear about second level psychic detective investigator, Mrs. Old Lady, unless you took a wizard dip. I did not. Okay. What does she got? I got a couple more spells. Okay.

A couple more skill points. I now have a base attack bonus of plus one. Oh! Which means I have a plus zero to hit. That's good. And you got some new spells. Got some new spells. You want to tell me or you want to surprise me?

Absolutely not. Okay, I feel like you just picked them two minutes before we started this live show. I had about, I got one new first level spell and I had seven options. So I consulted Joe. Okay. Maybe if you spent less time on your play this weekend,

you could have picked a spell before we started. That's it. I'm writing you out. What is your hit die, Matthew Capitacazzo? A D8. I could have had a D8. Let's... Shut up! All right, let's roll D8s.

What do you got? I rolled a two. Well, you're in luck. I also rolled a two. Oh, no. Grand roll. Grand roll. Grand roll.

Grand roll. Grand roll. Grand roll. Grand roll. I will initiate a Troy rule. Oh, no, no, no. We won't like it. No, I'm so sorry, my lord.

I'm so sorry. It's too late. The people have spoken. The Troy rule is in effect. Sound cue. All right, now. We will re-roll. Troy rule.

But you must take the lower of the two dice. Oh, no. That's a good deal. That's a good deal. Take that deal. What a psychopath. One. Six.

Five. Oh! There you go. He is as merciful as he is wise. Thank you. Praise, praise. Praise Troy LaValle. See, I thought the Troy roll was going to be

we can re-roll, but at a lower... Oh, like a D6? A D6. There is now a new Troy. That's a way better Troy. That's really good. That's good. That's good.

Joseph P. O'Brien. What does the P stand for? My middle name has no P initial. It has no P? No. We've been friends for years. And you've lied to me. No, you just make things up in your head.

Your email address is like Joseph P. He told it's the wrong address. His name on that address is wrong. So you rolled a natural one in picking your email address? I thought I had a P there. Your fingers just hit the H and the P at the same time? It's a long story. Tell me about your stupid character.

What'd you level up? I would like to roll a D6. You want to tell us what you leveled up in? Oh, yeah. So wizards are... I haven't played a lot of wizards, and there is... I have no new powers until level 8. So wizards go a long time, but I did get a couple spells. One of which I'm not going to mention

because it's illusory, and I don't want you to know what it is, but I did get magic missile. So now... Classic. Need to do some damage. know what it is, but I did get Magic Missile. So now... Classic. Need to do some damage. It's a classic spell. That is a weakness for this party. Everyone wants to give you a bottle cap. I actually didn't bring any,

unfortunately. Never does. Never does. Someone gave me one earlier, and I still didn't bring it. I can't hear you. Joe, what kind of hit die are we talking? We are talking a D6. D6. So if we roll the same number, that could be a D4, according to the new Troy rule.

Let's roll it. Joseph O'Brien. Six. Boom, baby! Don't roll a six, you son of a... Four. Okay. All right, James.

I'm psyched. A wizard needs it, man. Hamburger, tell me about best friend. Hamburger. Hamburger. Well, outside of some different basic tech bonuses going up and some will saves, I got fervor. Ooh. Ooh.

And I picture it coming. Ooh, talk to me about fervor. I think that it manifests itself out of best friend in terms of him just being so sick of this shit. Yeah. Just so terrified. And he can either heal his team members or he can heal himself with a swift action, or he can spend a point of fervor in order to cast a spell that has a target of self as a swift action. It's like fight or flight, and you go fight.

It works so great for best friends. I wonder how that's going to work out. Yes. We'll see, Matthew. Bet the odds on that one. You know what? We had a great time rooming together. I think we're pretty good roommates.

Why don't we look at the Vegas odds and what you're going to use that for? I got a couple sports book here. What's your hit dice? D8. D8. Let's go for it. Here we go.

Six. Seven. Yeah! Talk about the odds on what that was going to be. Skidmar slash Sheila, tell me about... I mean, I know nothing about alchemists. I really don't either. Unfortunately.

So at second level, I can use poison. So I can't accidentally poison myself when I try to poison a weapon, which is good. That's good. This show needs more Bell Biv DeVoe. It does. Oh, man. Wow.

A lot of young people here. I have poison. Guess I'll cut my Oliver North material. Oh, no, that's gold. That's such a great 15 minutes. Don't cut that whole thing. The show was just Ollie North stuff, but please, continue. At least keep the bit about John Sununu, at least, for me.

I have poison resistance plus two in case I do accidentally poison myself. That's great. And I also have a discovery. Oh. And discoveries for alchemists are their kind of new kind of talents that can be used mostly to alter the traits of your bombs that you can throw. But there are other things, too. And I was a little bit torn. I was torn between two things as to which discovery to take.

They're very interesting and very weird. Are you going to surprise us later? I'll surprise you. Talk to me about HD. What kind of dice? HD. I'm an eight. And also, I wanted to point out,

I'll be rolling in this dice tray that was generously given to one for each of us from Dylan out there. This is for Pembroke. It's got the Tengwar Tolkienian runic symbol for P for Pembroke. So that's awesome. Nadara Creations. Nadara Creations. Awesome. Awesome boxes. Skid, a little D8 action?

Yep. Okay. This is going to determine whether or not Skid enjoys the rest of the night. That's for sure. What'd you get, buddy? One. Five. Okay. I'll take it. It's good. He will at least enjoy it at an 80% level. Right.

Okay, let's just jump right in, guys. You are recovering from battle. I can't believe we managed to make that entertaining. It's tense, man. This party is so squishy. Every hit point counts. Yeah, it really does. You know, how many times have you been staggered at zero,

and then you've taken action and passed out? It's huge. By the way, I didn't even mention, I have to say thank you for the six. Every single die that I'm using tonight came from GCP West. Thank you, guys. There were a lot of Joe donations at GCP West. And that was a six from a D6 from there.

And it's a gorgeous D6, black with very small white lettering. I showed you this before. Very strange aeons. Should we get like a, should we get like a splash shield like Gallagher had when he was smashing watermelons

for when Joe throws his D20s and it knocks out someone's eyeball? Just everyone wears plastic wrap. Yeah, exactly. If they didn't laugh at the Bell Biv DeVoe joke, they're not going to get a Gallagher joke. Would they laugh at a Gallagher 2 joke?

No We'll make some Mort Sahl jokes As you recover One guy As you recover Thank you As you recover from battle You see a couple things You see this

Dead doppelganger The third Dead doppelganger that you need And that's a very important number You know that she, it, can't quite tell what it is. It was posing as a she, but now it's turned into this weird, amorphous creature.

Had a magical dagger that James was effing around with. She also has some other stuff on her. You haven't even searched the room, but one thing that's very important you notice in the fervor of the battle. Praise Shields is gone.

What? No! But Sheila was guarding Praise Shields. Yeah, but I got knocked out though. That's true. Sheila's out. Best friend just got woken up by James. Mrs. Old Lady

permanently dead, right? Incorrect. Unconscious. What do you guys do? Let's go to the map, Grant. Let's see the map. All right. Tell me.

Talk to me. Well, it's just the two of us up. Yeah. Oh, that looks great. Do a little coup de grace on your friends? Yes. Take their gold? Yes, take that plus one dagger and just take Mrs. O'Lady out?

Yep. What did I ever do to you? It's Troy. He's so close to me. His aura just affects me. Yes. It's a DC 25 save and he failed. It's a gaze attack. He just looks at you. He's infected with aura of evil.

Best friend, do you have any ability to get them up? Can you get them up? He goes over and he tries. I mean, he has no heal ability. He'll go to Mrs. O'Lady, up to Mrs. O'Lady, fails on a heal check to find out if she's still dying or stabilized or anything. He's just sleeping.

He doesn't know. Yeah, he just thinks she might be dead. Best friend really wants to help out, but even though best friend is level two and we've discussed his new abilities, I imagine those are not available to him until arrest, correct? I would say this is a big decision. Whatever decision we make here,

I can change whenever I want. That's true. GM Fiat, baby. But I would say the moment that you defeat this doppelganger, your new powers immediately come to you. Wow. So then do we get our extra HP? You get your max increases, but you have to heal up to it.

Got it. Okay. Sorry. With the fervor of an undetermined God, but seems like for asthma so far, best friend will reach out to heal Mrs. O'Lady. Two points of healing. Are you conscious? I'm at zero now.

That's conscious. Luckily, I can do this four times a day, baby. Let's see what we got. Four points of healing. Excellent. All right. Thank you. Oh.

Thank you, my boy. You'll live forever. You're welcome, Mrs. O'Lady. Are you well? Not very. Well, you look wonderful. Thank you. Thank you.

I appreciate you saying that. Is everyone else up? Nope. Sheila's still down. Best friend's running like the midnight hours at the ER and walks over to Sheila. Heals Sheila. Best friend. Two points of healing.

That probably puts me at zero. Okay. Close is only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades, but let's go. Oh, crap. Out of the box. Six. Oh, there we go. Max healing.

All right. All right. So, Sheila, how are you? I feel a bit worse for wear, if I'm being honest. Wait, what happened to Price Shields? Weren't you watching him? I was, but I was unconscious for several minutes He must have slipped out while that happened

Well, he can't have gone far I know He seemed pretty spry Spry is limited vocabulary At a certain point, they would have shot him with crossbows Yes, he won't get very far Oh, no, that's true Yeah, they'll likely kill him before he gets too far away

So that's good news That's quite a relief Thank you for allowing my fears there, Mrs. Elaydi I do what I can I don't think chasing is an option here. We are rather decimated. What about the one that was like,

she's not real. You want to go check that creature alive? Check that dude out? Yeah. Yeah, James will walk up. Now, you know he looks like that one that best friend when stabbed. Like this gray, gaunt, like really long fangs. It's just hanging there.

Okay. Clinging to life. Hide your ass. James is going to call over Best Friend. Best Friend, come closer. As he gets near, he's going to pull out the dagger that he found. Uh-huh. And just sort of hold it out to him.

I'm no good with these things. Take this and finish it. Put it out to him. I'm no good with these things. Take this and finish it. Put it out of its misery. End it. All right, James, should we at least attempt conversing? There's no time for discussion or debate. Slit its throat. It seems.

It said it was not real, though. Get extremely close and kill it. What? I don't think... I think that best friend would kind of shudder and almost drop it, but hold on to it and just say, holding it out and ready to stab down, says, What else do you know of this place?

What else do you know of this woman? Roll a perception check. Twelve. down and says, What else do you know of this place? What else do you know of this woman? I saw weeds. Roll a perception check. Uh, twelve. You see, like, in the basin with him are, like, floating chunks of flesh. Oh. Like, it almost

looks like a soup, but you can see that, like, strands of it are hanging from his mouth as well. And he just very limply says, She fed me, and she watched. So he's chained up. No, he's just laying in the basin. Laying there.

He's been fed these dead bodies. Like Bugs Bunny. He's probably on repair, and if we leave him, he might starve to death. So maybe a death would be a relief to him. So best friend is going to reach out with his plus one dagger. Yeah. Stab at him. Fifteen on the die.

Twenty to hit. See, I knew you were the man for the job. That is a hit. It is also what I think is my deity's favorite weapon, so we're going up in damage dice. Eight points of damage. Just before you kill him, he says, You're handsome.

And then he dies. He dies. He's very dead, and he found you attractive. What do you guys want to do? You want to search the doctor? Yes. Yes. Get another one of these fake doctors.

She fed me, and she watched. You search her. Obviously, she had this magical dagger. She has a potion that's glowing with magic. She has 48 gold pieces. Oh, wow. If you want to go to the crazy asylum store later.

She also has a key. Looks like it would unlock handcuffs or manacles. Everybody roll a perception check. 22. 22. Two.

Joe's going to Joe. 21. 12. Okay. Mrs. Old Lady and best friend, you find a set of reasonably well-kept surgeon's tools on one of the tables. You also see that one of the tables holds a magical sack. What?

That looks especially handy. Oh. Spillcraft? Sure. Not thorough inspiration on that. Not helpful. Fifteen. Fifteen.

Just missed it. Mrs. O'Lady, let me handle the sack. Say it again. I'm dying to handle the sack. Say it again. I'm dying to handle the sack. There's no fruit that hangs too low for the GCP. Shouldn't have used that metaphor. This is a lady hands over

the sack. He examines it closely. 26. I know sacks. It is a... Knowledge sacks. It is a handy-haver sack. Oh, wow.

Oh, that's awesome. It is a completely useless, mundane sack. That's not true. Damn it. We just didn't know what it was. No, uh, yes, it's a handy haversack, an amazing item. If we find something that is too heavy to carry around,

we can carry it with this sack. Was that a great sell for a handy haversack or what? Just nailed it. So you find a sack. Obviously, you can't tell if it has anything in it or anything. You're just holding it. It feels very, very light.

Are you suggesting that we open it up and look? I'll open it up and say wand. There are things inside. There is three platinum pieces. What? A magical pearl. Oh.

Let's physically fight in person for it. Yep. We should. Fight! We have four casters, man. We need power bars up here, and you guys just stand here. There's really no point, because the same person is going to end up with it

if we were just rolling for it, and it would be Grant. Right. I think Matthew could take him. He's wily and good with a knife. He carries a switchblade. People don't know this. You know what? So does Grant.

When we've said goodnight to each other, he's been very gentle. Matthew fights dirty. You also find, so you find three platinum pieces, a magical pearl, and a magical phylactery. Oh, wow.

That's a good haul. The last thing of importance in this room is a six-foot-tall standing mirror leaning against the wall. It may not be appropriate. There's no way I'm looking in that mirror. There's no way. Just check it out, Sheila. No way. Oh, man.

What if we had, like, a mirror that you could look into that was angled at the mirror with that? I would let you do that, but I wouldn't do it. Is there a knowledge check we could roll on the mirror? Sure. Knowledge. Roll a knowledge vanity. I am the fairest of them all. No, you just

roll detect magic. No detect magic. You don't roll on it. You're like, eh, no magic. Just seems like a normal mirror. No detect magic. You don't roll on it. You're like, eh, no magic. Just seems like a normal mirror. No way. Just a normal mirror in this house of ours. Come on. But he'd take us for saps. It probably weighs about eight pounds. It could be moved very

easily. Let's roll some spellcraft on the pearl and the phylactery. DC 16. Natural 20. Oh, Matthew. What's your total? 27. Oh, Matthew. What's your total? 27. Oh, 28.

Inspiration. Oh, damn it. 32. I don't want to waste all our consumable powers right now just to settle this petty argument. I'll give you everything. It's a potion of cure light Let's settle this petty argument. I'll give you everything. It's a potion of cure light wounds on the doctor.

That's good. It's a pearl of power first level. Yeah. Huge. For four people that can cast spells. And a phylactery of faithfulness. Oh. Pretty useless for us at the moment. None of you know what it does. Pretty useless for us at the moment.

None of you know what it does. It gives you extra channel dice, I think, doesn't it? No. No. No. It's a tiny box containing religious scripture. It's affixed to a leather cord and tied around the forehead. There is no Monday to determine what function this religious item performs until it is worn. Oh.

Oh. Maybe someone should put it on. And then look in the mirror and see how it looks. Nerd. Skit's got something plain to do. It is time for Nerdish. The wear of a phylactery, we would figure this out if we put it on, is aware of any action or item that could adversely affect his or her alignment and his or her standing with his or her deity, including magical effects.

He acquires this information prior to performing such an action or becoming associated with such an item if he or she takes a moment to contemplate the act. It's weird. It's very, very specific. This is like a cleric-y paladin-y. That's a very cleric-y paladin-y kind of thing. Right.

Is this something that will offend Desna? Tell me, Phylactery. Useless to you guys. Yeah, it's pretty useless. What do you want to do? You're pretty beat up. You've got three corpses. You've got a pretty decent haul here.

Let's roll on the Pearl of Power, because I know all four of you want it. We're going to do a roll-off. It's an old-fashioned Portland roll-off. Woo-hoo! Nine. Come on, Portland. Nope.

Fucking natural one. Yeah! I want that item so bad. Well, maybe if you're extra nice this year. I'll look at these pictures when I sleep. I rolled a natural 19, by the way. Natty 19? Anybody beat Natty 19? Are you ready for a natural one?

Tricked you. Matthew, you win the Pearl of Power, I'm assuming. Amazing. Congratulations. To Mrs. O'Lady. You may now leave the stage. Good night, everybody. Good night, everybody.

Okay, what do you want to do? You've got three corpses. You're pretty beat up. Is the mirror portable? You said it's... James would like to slowly and creepily walk up to the mirror, spellbook in hand, almost drawn to it,

and look at himself in the mirror, see what he sees. You step up to the mirror, spellbook in hand. Maybe you're like at the side of it, and you just slowly... in hand. Maybe you're like at the side of it and you just slowly

Worth every penny, right? You you look and you see a beautiful young blondehaired man. I fucking knew it. I'm kidding. You just see a rat man. Oh, no. It's a mundane mirror.

Can we appraise it? Sure. All right, let's go. Twelve. Seventeen. It's, let's go. Twelve. Seventeen. That's worth thousands of gold. Now, it may fetch a nice price, because it looks like it's old. Maybe you might get 150 gold for this.

Could it fit in the handy-habber set? From a collector? Sure. What is on the other side of the mirror? If I take it off the wall, is there something behind it? Yeah. Nothing. Oh.

Why is it in the flavor text? I don't know. Maybe it's Chekhov's gun. The mirror has to reflect at some point? It already reflected. Don't worry about it. Yeah. What do you want to do?

James is going to suggest that we rest. That's gone well recently. I don't think moving out of this room right now is a good idea. We don't know what might be plaguing our footsteps. Bar the door and hole up for the night. Rest. Recover. Get your spells back, best friend, and heal us. I somehow feel more resolved and stronger than ever. No, you sound it.

I just think with one more nap, one more good sleep, I'll be ready to go forward. Mrs. O'Lady, I've always been very impressed with your insights. Do you think this is the best decision? Yes. Also, I have some news you might enjoy. Yes, please. I do not believe I can use this pearl of power. Oh, are we talking about a re-roll?

We're talking about a re-roll. Re-roll off. This is a private conversation. You were already taking a nap. This was after your nap. This was during first watch. This was during the first watch. Yeah.

Go on, Mrs. O'Lady. It's only for spellcasters who can prepare spells. Oh, and it's just off the game? Well, Skid already won, then. Yeah, well, I would be... So I'm the only one that can... Again, private conversation. Oh, okay.

Sounds like a good old-fashioned Portland re-roll-off. Oh! Well, I mean, Mrs. O Lady won. Shouldn't Mrs. Old Lady be able to give it to who Mrs. Old Lady wants to give it to? No. You may all now compliment me and I'll decide who did it the best. Yes. Mrs. Old Lady, to the strongest.

We will cut the pearl of power in half. Give one half to you. No, no, not the pearl of power. No, just give it to the... Bible jokes. Natural four. Oh, natural four. O'Brien, what do you got?

Come on! Four. Four. We got a Portland re-re-roll-off. We got the total fashion re-re-roll off We got the Portland re-re-roll off The first of its kind, let's see it What could go wrong?

Lucky 13 Oh, that's a big one That's gonna be tough That's gonna be a big one Fucking 7 Yes! I appreciate the support, though. Thank you.

Thank you. The peril of power belongs to Skid. I think they voted for Dukakis. I thought that would work well with all the old humor that works. The O'Briens go hungry again. You all go to sleep. Too soon, man. It's only been like 140 years.

You all go to sleep. You set up a watch, and yet again, you are visited by strange, prescient dreams. Gotta wet my whistle. Oh my god, it's spilling everywhere. Nobody can see that, Grant.

I can. Oh my God, your dice, your beautiful dice. It's fine. It's like a spitball in baseball. You'll find, uh, Tigwitz, actually best friend. Thank you. You find yourself again as a young boy. Someone's making a martini not far away from you.

If you concentrate, you can almost hear. If you concentrate, you can almost smell the mouffe. No, you're a young boy, and you're at some sort of temple. Gray, jagged stones and black steel battlements pockmarked by tattered banners surround you. You're running to get somewhere. And you know you're late. You're late to stable mucking. In your head, you think, I can't be late. I've got to clean that poop. You're running. You're panting. Your feet are falling fast.

Heel pat, heel pat, heel pat down this ever-turning staircase. It's a spiral running through the apse of this temple. Pausing just for a moment to catch your breath, your eyes are drawn to an arrow loop on the wall. You look through it, and down below you see a glorious figure. Dismounting at the stables. You're like shit. I know I should be there already.

You have to be there or you'll be punished again. You can't be punished again. Not after what happened last time. You take off running down the spiral. Down like milled grain. Being crushed into flour at the gristmill. You take another glimpse through the arrow loop, and you see this resplendent figure approaching the apse.

You see their greaves are covered in mud, spikes on their folds and gauntlets, a curious symbol on the cuirass of the breastplate. Cuirass, cuirass. And you also see that the figure appears to have gray skin. You keep running down, down these seemingly never-ending steps.

Finally, you reach the bottom, but there's no door to get out. You look around frantically. There's always a door out to the stables here. You take this route every single day. You see another arrow loop, so you rush up to it and look out, and the armored figure is gone.

You keep looking, and just then, like, out of a David Lynch movie, it just appears right in front of the arrow loop. Oh, man. Staring at you, eye to eye, with watery yellow eyes.

Oh, Mulholland Drive. James, in your dream, you're seeing everything in the third person. You're seeing someone huddled over a book at a desk. This book, you can see it contains

strange lines and troublesome arcane symbols that seem to give this intense feeling of cosmic dread. Suddenly, the lines begin to glow with a strange orange light and a voice out of space and time

is heard. The language, ancient and incomprehensible. Exactly like that. Suddenly, the light in the room changes. This first-person view walks over to a second-floor window overlooking the crossroads of a marketplace. The sun, which was shining a moment ago, has now split into two great red orbs.

In the distance, you see a girl in a yellow dress at the top of the street, walking towards the building that you're in. With each market stall she passes, the people near her wail for a brief moment before they just fall to pieces. Their limbs falling out of their joints with these dull, wet, sickening

sounds. Just... As she's walking forward, rivers of blood begin to fill the cobblestones. The first person view runs back to the desk where this person just sees the book and slams it shut and just like...

stops. The voice is gone. We run back to the window, and we look out, and the rivers of blood are gone. There's a feeling of relief for a moment, and an audible sigh. We turn back to the desk, and the little girl is standing right there.

Just staring at you. Out of shock, the person who sees this just, like, falls backwards to the ground and then looks up as the little girl walks to the table and opens the book. Oh, Jesus. Blackout. Sheila. Oh, no, not me. Yes, you.

Don't do me. Centipedes everywhere. No, stop. You're way covered in centipedes. Now, you're standing in this, like, gray, dark room, only lit by candlelight far away from you. You can feel this searing pain on one side of your face.

You raise your hand to your cheek and look around to try and find the source of this pain. But before you can make heads or tails of your surroundings, you turn to see this man in these amazing, gorgeous robes standing before you. And he's just staring at you. And as he stares, never breaking eye contact with you, he reaches deep into the folds of his robe and pulls out a jar. And just holds it up to you, a tiny little jar. And inside the jar, it looks like it has a single moth's wing in it.

And without moving his hand, the wing just starts to flutter a little bit. He then starts shaking the bottle as his smile grows into this grand, sort of grotesque look on his face, revealing these sickly, yellow-stained teeth. And then the smile turns into maniacal laughter, just inches away from your face as he's shaking this moth's wing. And he taunts you with it. You go to, like, strike out at the man,

but as you do, strong arms grab you from behind, pulling you to the floor and back out of the room as the man continues to cackle and his laughter echoes throughout the chamber. Mrs. O'Lady. I'm not afraid. You will be. You will be. You're a child, but a young old lady.

Mrs. O'Girl. You're sitting at a table. So stupid. You're sitting at a table, and there's a book in front of you. And all around you are high stacks and shelves of books and a single window looking out at the night sky. It's late. You rub the sleep out of your eyes and try to finish whatever you're reading. When you hear a faint noise from somewhere deeper in the library. When you hear a faint noise from somewhere deeper in the library,

you stand up from your table and go around a corner revealing a long, empty hallway, flanked by high shelves filled with books that seem to go on unending. It's dark, and you don't see anyone, but again you hear this strange noise from somewhere in the library. It sounds like a knocking coming from somewhere in the darkness up ahead among the shelves. You begin to follow the noise, which is becoming more consistent. It's like, dum, dum, dum. You're getting closer to the sound And as you turn into one of the rows

Where the sound seems to be emanating from You see a pile of books Lying haphazardly all over the floor You start to walk towards the books When all of a sudden A book flies off the shelf And hits the floor You jump back in fear

But at least now you know Where this sound is coming from. With the natural curiosity of a child, you walk forward to investigate. What is that? It's an amazing sound cue. Sounded just like me. I really...

It's Mrs. O'Girl. Yeah, Mrs. O'Girl yeah Mrs. O'Girl you walk up to where that empty space where the books should be are and you think you would look through and see like

the next stack but instead it's as if you're looking into someone's bedroom window you're like looking into an alternate space where these books once were. And as you look

you see a man probably lying face down dead on the floor in a pool of fresh blood that's starting to like go across the floor. You look up and you see another figure like cleaning off a candlestick

that has blood and bits of hair on it. As they're cleaning it, they just kind of stop for a second. It's Colonel Mustard. You're in this conservatory. Get out. The man on the floor is Mr. Body. The person cleaning the candlestick, Colonel Mustard, perhaps Professor Plum,

just cleans and then all of a sudden stops and turns to look at you. Just then you feel a tap on the back of your shoulder. You wake up. Come on. And you're back in this awful, awful place. This laundry room

from hell. Everyone roll a wheel save. Oh, damn it. Is this a psychic spell Go to hell Troy is this a psychic spell or spell like ability What Is this a psychic spell or spell like ability

Uh no Are you lying Uh no What'd you get, Matthew? 14 Joseph? Bit of a tweener at a 14 Also a 14?

Also a 14, not sure I heard Grant was upset, so we'll go to Skid I rolled a natty 16 What about Best Friend? 23 Why did he even ask? Yes. You all regain your normal hit points.

Yeah. Yes. Excellent. So what is that? That's level plus con? Two, because you're second level, plus your con bonus, because I'm way too generous. So that's three for me. A whopping three.

What do you want to do now? You got the three corpses. You've already given two to them. So we wake up in the morning. Mrs. Erlady, how are you feeling? I'm not feeling great, to be honest with you. How many hit points do you have precisely? If I knew what you were saying, I would say

six. You had to quantify it. And you, madman, which one of us are you talking to there? I'm talking to you, Sheila. Oh, shit, right, yeah. Well, to me, I don't feel quite...

And all of a sudden you go, Eureka! And he takes out his spell book, his formula book, and he starts scribbling madly in it. He's just like, oh, yeah. Yeah, all right. Okay, all right. James just walks over slowly to peer at what you're writing. No, no, no, no, no.

Trade secrets. Just one glance, please. I, no, no, no. Trade secrets. Just one glance, please. I just satisfy my curiosity. No, no, sorry. Just figuring something out. I feel like it was there and now it's back and I feel much better.

Although I am still quite seriously wounded. But I do have something that I think might be able to help in this circumstance. Are you hurt, my friend? No, I'm feeling fine. Mrs. Elida, you're hurt? I'm very hurt. Best friend, my best friend, you're looking a bit under the weather?

I'm hurt and I'm more terrified of you than ever. No. No, mate. No cause. more terrified of you than ever. No! No, mate, no cause. And he gathers a couple of little bits off of his

alchemy belt and a little vial and like shakes it, spits in it. Says, here, drink this, mate. It smells like juniper. Oh, no, but it tastes much worse. And best friend sucks it down, side unseen, because who doesn't trust their best friend?

Best friend. And that is a cure light wounds. Oh, my God. You can just make cure light wounds? Make cure light wounds? Well, it's a spell. It's like that's how they cast spells. Ah, okay.

That's cool. Good flavor, Skip. Seven points of healing. Holy moly. Wow. Wow. Wow. Great job. And to tell you this, where that came from,

Mrs. O'Lady, care to partake? If we could just wait three or four minutes to make sure he doesn't die, I'd be... Sure. Well, here. We all stare at him and just watch. No, no, no. Best friend, just act normal. It's a fruit-forward flavor,

and I would say that if I were to pair it with anything, it would be a Gruyere. So please, enter your handy haversack and find your Gruyere. Any soft cheese, I'd say. If I did it right. Something nutty. What? Cheese.

Nutty cheese. Just give me the potion. All right. Three points. Three points of healing. You'll be fine. I don't want to stress your natural resources, Sheila, so I'm willing to provide healing as well.

In fact, I feel like I could provide a new font of restorative powers to all of you if need be. What? Did you just say you can provide a fart of restorative powers? That's what I thought he said. It's a second level war priest. Just take a knee. I was 100% sure he said

fart of powers. Supernatural ability. Scannon, take a knee and I'll fart on your head. And ye shall be healed. That's a flavor choice. That's fine. That works with the rules. However you need to play it. Listen, I just don't think you're being supportive of my role play choices.

She throws away the sword cane and she's like... Come on. Does someone in the audience have a birthday that ends in three? Oh my God, you shall be healed! I'm having a premonition of her name. Her name is Victoria Moore. My God, is that your name? Vicky!

My God, Vicky. Meanwhile, someone's in Grant's ear. Victoria Moore. She has the gout. Cure it. Cure it. I can walk. So I'm going to go ahead. You're still down quite a bit. I'm going to use fervor

a couple times here. Xanalusi's praise, praise. He sure does. Oh, shit. Right out of the box. Two points of healing to you. Two more. Three points of healing to you. Two more. Yeah. Three points of healing to you. Do you still need more? You can spread the love around. Or I could use some.

Alright. Best friend, how would you quantify how you feel right now? Oh, about less than 50% of what maximum might be if I'm feeling totally in the pink. Allow me to place my blessings upon you. So this is going to be a cure

light wounds with plus 50%. Minimum healing. Holy shit. So it's one plus two is three. So it's four points of healing. Thanks for the count. One more to best friends. Minimum healing again.

Holy shit. Four. Final healing, Matthew. Sure. All right. Final healing is going to Matthew. Minimum healing again. Oregon is a cursed country.

You've stolen my powers. If you want Baron Ashpeak to die, this is the place. Oh, boo. He should live forever. Let's see O'Brien curse. What did he get? What was it, Grant? What's minimum?

It was four. I'm at max, so it worked out. I'm going to use my last two blessings. Do you still need more healing, Sheila? I do. I do. We normally do this off air, so I'm sorry. Yeah, we normally do it off air.

All right, so Sheila's going to get five points of healing. No, stop. I'm good. And guess what I rolled for myself? Six points max. It seems like the curse is not a thing. Six points. Max. It seems like the curse is not a thing. The curse is selective. The curse is very

selective. Very selective curse. Alright, so you're in pretty good shape. Best friend, you've done very well. Thank you. Well done, Mike. But we have our third body. Let's get us behind that barricade and out of this awful place. Ooh, yeah. We can bargain with those awful people.

Crossbow Jackson and his devious friends. Yeah. Throw this body at their feet and prove our genuineness. Right. Exactly. So you take the corpse and make your way back slowly through this...

Keeping an eye out for our friend Praise Shields. Keeping an eye out for our friend Praise Shields. Keeping an eye out for your friend Praise Shields. Alright, so you move back into that room with the manacled creatures. I'm going to group you guys all together here on the old Roll Twanzo. You move into that room.

You see the dead whatever and the other dead whatever. Then you continue moving to this rubble choked room where that body had something writhing within it and a disembodied hands and head came after best friend and Sheila. And then from behind, a doppelganger attacked as well. You see that corpse laying there. Oh no, I think you already gave that to the, uh, to Crossbow Jackson, so you keep moving. La la la la la, and you get

to the hallway that leads to the barricade. Everyone roll a perception check. Uh, 19. 19. Uh, 16. 16. Four. 16. 16. Four. Four.

11. Who rolled a 19? Sheila? Yeah. All right, Sheila, you see lying on the floor about, you know, 40 feet away from you is Praise Shields. No, Prize! And he is lit up with crossbow bolts.

No doubt. So we can't return his body to Crossbow Jackson. Well, he's not a doppelganger, Grant. I don't believe that. As far as you know. What do you do? Step over the body uncaringly and then move forward toward the barricade.

Didn't you try to ask him to explain himself? You monsters? I couldn't care less. Oh, right. Yeah. I can see. It's actually quite comical when you imagine it.

You see a crossbow bolt right square in his forehead where that symbol was. Oh. But he's littered with them. Like he just probably came running. Santa Lucia! I was going to say, if you had to guess what his

final words were, what might they be? Praise! Splat. Splat. I actually, I had an idea, which it's a shame because he's dead, but because I have, I was going to try to cast Comprehend Languages on him.

And depending on how you interpret the spell, that might have worked. That might have revealed the intention behind the random words he was saying. That would have been fun. Yeah. I'm glad you didn't, because that sounds like a lot of work. It would have been a lot of work for you.

He's dead. You've got the Doppelganger corpse. What do you want to do? Do you want to just keep moving forward, talk to Crossbow? Yeah. You know, you're getting close there. Obviously, you didn't come running and screaming like he obviously did.

And you hear a voice pipe up. Hold it up! I want to see if there are any crossbow holes in there. Wait, is that a hole? No. Those are nostrils. Alright. Alright. Leave it there.

And stand back 40 feet 40 feet? You heard me Just do what he says Well yeah, but that's because I'm not further than 40 feet away from you 45 feet for you then Oh, bother Alright, so we'll leave the body and back off Just step back, just step back

A side door opens up. Another man comes out, a human man. Drags the doppelganger back and then shuts the door and locks it. We'll start slowly walking back up. James holstered all of his weapons, his crossbow and everything. Hands up, paws up, and just. Hands up. Paws up. And just starts walking toward the barricade. Hold on there! Wait!

Examine it. You'll find it does not have any bolts in it. What's this? Much to my dismay. No, that's not a bolt. Alright. You've done well. Unlock the door. There we go.

All right. All right. You get that like, boom, completed. Right. Skyrim quest. A doppelganger problem. So just then,

the door to your right, stage left, just clicks and opens up. And this door, like some of the other doors you've seen throughout the area so far, looks like something also tried to beat its way through but succeeded in only weakening it.

The door creaks open, and you see inside two human men, one that you already saw drag that corpse in, dressed in, like, mismatched armor, like they picked it off of corpses, holding mundane weapons, and they're just kind of looking at you with trepidation. Let me reveal the old room on the map. Yes. Put yourselves up near that dough.

Ooh. A new room. Ooh. A new room. There is no cause for alarm, my friends. I think we have exhaustively proven, much to our dismay, that we are not doppelgangers. We have killed them, brought them to you. Please, lower your weapons.

We mean you no harm. We just want to get out of this awful place. Although, if we were particularly determined doppelgangers, we could have killed three of our kind in sacrifice and brought them here in order to prove their weapons go back up. Get out!

Come back with... Hold on. He just... Six doppelganger corpses. No, I'm just thinking out loud. I mean, it's not... Yeah, no. Two zoogs,

five giant centipedes. No, stop! What else? Yeah, no. Two zoogs, five giant centipedes. No, stop! What else? Oh! Now, they stand aside and let you enter this space, and it looks like it used to be two separate rooms, but now there's a broad gap in this brick wall that links them.

You see dusty buckets, brooms, racks of cleaning supplies lying near this northern room that you enter or are about to enter, while to the south you can see a small desk and chairs that have been shoved out of the way.

Whatever these rooms once were, it's clear now that it's serving as like a gatehouse where they used it to go around the barricade. Maybe they're the ones

that knocked down the wall in order to create this gatehouse. Because you see a door on the other side to the south that leads out. That door opens, and a man walks through. He's dressed in similar inconsistent armor, and as he begins to speak, you realize it's Crossbow Jackson.

Oh. Who's he played by, Troy? Shit. See, I... Bojack? Michael Phelps. I thought I was throwing you a softball there. I have so many NPCs and I didn't prep this one.

He is played by Crispin Glover. Oh, no! Oh, no! But I'm not changing his voice We're going to get out Crazied by the NPC He looks at you And he still seems a little Hesitant But he says please hand over your weapons to my men

And then you may come with me What do you do? What weapon? hand over your weapons to my men, and then you may come with me. What do you do? What weapon? I'm just an old lady with a simple cane. All right. James hands over his crossbow. Sheila, he can't.

She, like, throws his dagger at him point first. Best friend? Best friend is more scared of the people in front of him than not having his weapon, so he just immediately, take them, but take good care of them. Hands him over. He throws them in a vat of acid. No!

He says, very well. With me. And as he walks you towards the door and out, he says, my name is Faustin York. Captain Faustin York, actually. I do apologize that we had to put you through all that. But these days, well, you would have done the same if you were in my position. This way, please.

And he leads you into a hallway. You can now see the other side of the barricade are three more guards standing about. There are torches hanging on the walls, as well as a set of double doors leading off to the west, and you see two more single doors leading off to the south. Let's two more single doors leading off to the south.

Let's see some more map here. Open it up. Boom. Yeah. Look at this. Boom. So he comes up. Hello?

I'm Boston York. Blah, blah, blah. Follow me. And he walks you south to that set of double doors that I probably haven't fully revealed here on World Chuan Tso see him yes now we do

so he starts walking there and as you follow him down the hallway you and you get outside the doors you notice to the east Yes, now we do. So he starts walking there, and as you follow him down the hallway, and you get outside the doors, you notice to the east, there are four red bedsheets clumsily thrown together, creating a curtain blocking off the passage to the east. We saw the sheets. We saw a sheet before in the other laundry room, like hanging over the... Yeah, you did. You saw a white sheet.

Here you see like four sheets. Do you see it there? Just sort of clumsily blocking off that passage. Two doors to the south and these double doors to the west. This is so messed up. This is really freaking me out. Good.

He says to you, if all goes well with winter, your weapons will be returned to you. Now, please, no funny business. Goodbye. Goodbye. Can Mrs. Old Lady

subtly point a finger at the sheets? Okay. And cast Mage Hand as if they fluttered in the wind just a couple feet up so we can see underneath. You roll a perception check. She's going to be Mrs. Dead Lady.

That's all I'm saying. 22. Ooh, nice. Pretty good. It. Ooh, nice. Pretty good. It's very inventive. All right, so you mage hand move those sheets. Just a little. Just a little bit.

Flutter. Whatever's on the other side of this curtain is not a wall. Because it looks like it's moving. What? And you do get a bottle cap. Oh, yeah! A very moist Bud Light bottle cap. All right.

Yeah! I was afraid of the moisture. That was your playwriting hand. Yeah. He'll never write again. Yep. That's how they catch at NYU. Look at this hand.

That's how they catch at NYU. Look at this. It's steady as a rock. Yeah, but I write with this hand. Put it on the board. Put it on the board. I'll get that later. Let me tell you something.

You open this door. Well, the Vostin York opens the door for you, and you see a couple of things. An enormous room full of people. Oh. I was not expecting that. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. What? I was not expecting that Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa

What? There's a guy carrying a log What the hell is that guy doing? Work, work, work Yeah, work, work, work A gong Just building my cabin. What?

That's crazy Tom. He thinks he's a lumberjack. That's why he's in here. Great timber in this country. That would be terrifying if you walk in there and see a guy. That was a Portland-specific joke, wasn't it? You open this door and you see improvised pallets clustered beneath multiple sculpted divinities,

cooking fires burning beneath cracked windows in what was clearly a chapel. There are panes of violet and blue stained glass forming spiraling patterns between prison-like bars barring the windows. Dozens of candles flicker from the alcoves of this room, each above a shrine. And there are almost two dozen people

huddled around the room in clusters, just staring at you. One of them is holding a log. And that's what he looks like. This really is like a David Lynch production. This is more and more. It's Log Lady. Log Lady, yeah.

He's listening to it. The log says welcome. It's so creepy. This is so funny. You look in and like at first glance, even though you have no memory of yourself, who you are, how you got here, why you're here. You have memories of basic Galarian religion. And so you see that this chapel is clearly consecrated to Phrasma. Oh, as spiraled.

Oh, a spiral. As suggested not only by the spiral on the stained glass, but a prominent figure of the goddess standing before the sanctuary's westernmost wall. Ooh, dead giveaway. However, there are smaller candlelit shrines to other deities all about. You see Abadar, Desna, Erastil, Gozra, Iomide, Eurori, Sarenrae, Shalen. There's even modest donation boxes beneath the symbols of Asmodeus and

Zon-Kuthon. The Unitarians run! The guy with the log sets it down, sits on it comfortably. He's just like, I'm glad you guys came. Pay no attention to these statutes. We worship the log god. Praise log!

And they all go, Praise Log! Oh! Praise Log! Oh my God! It comes in pairs, rolls downstairs. It's Log. You walk in,

put yourselves in the sort of entrance of this room, and as you do, a woman with jet black hair, long black robes approaches you from the back of the room. She's played by Olivia Wilde. Oh! And I have been working on my Olivia Wilde impression. Oh!

I'm going to sit back and enjoy the shit out of this. Hey, I'm Olivia Wilde. Oh, man. I have children out of wedlock with Jason Sudeikis. That's pretty good, right? Wow. Wedlock.

Wow. That's not a word you hear a lot these days. She walks forward. Walks forward slowly stroking a log. A small log. Have you met my child? Just like logs, we all float down here. She says, welcome.

My name is Winter Klaxa. Winter what? Klaxa. Klaxa. How do you spell that? K-L-A-C-K-Z-A. But can I introduce myself before you ask for the spelling of my last name? That is rude.

That's really rude. Just ask him. My name is Winter Klaxer. You are safe here for now. We do not have much here. But we can at least offer you temporary sanctuary. If you want more than that, then I need something from you.

And she motions with her eyes to like pull you aside closer to the door, like away from the air shot of the group. Who? All of us? All of you.

And just kind of stares at you as the rest of the group just looks on with awe and fear at the four of you. All stroking various branches. She pulls you aside towards the door you came in And she's like I'm sure you have many questions

I may not have all the answers But there is much I can share with you There are 22 survivors among us And I wish to see all 22 of us make it out of here alive You are coming at a time When I can use all the help I can get My resources are dwindling You are coming at a time when I can use all the help I can get. My resources are dwindling, and there are many in our group that may not see the morrow.

Help me, and I'll answer any questions you may have over dinner this evening. Ooh, dinner? If you are not interested in contributing, you are welcome to stay the night, but then be on your way in the morning, and may the Lady of Graves protect you. On our way where? There's nowhere to go. That's not my problem. But it sounds like you're stuck here yourself.

I mean, I understand not giving us deep insights into your plans, but who are you people? Who is everyone in this room? Who are we? Who are we? Jinx.

We help me and I'll tell you. Oh, man. Oh, you son of a bitch. You come here offering very little. Prove yourselves worthy. And you will know as much as I know. James turns and kills one of the commoners with magic missile.

You have passed the test. That's good enough for you. Welcome to Logland. Praise Logs. Now tell us all you know. Praise logs. Now tell us all you know. Praise logs. Well. Will you help?

Or will you be jerks? I've never been one to turn down dinner and exposition, so. Yes. What is it? What do you need? James, exasperate. I don't like your tone. We don't like your face.

It is unfriendly. Cold. I bet you they're going to get together at the end of this. That's the whole idea. Totally. They start off a little at odds. And then by the end of book two... She's a wedding planner.

He's a high-powered attorney in Manhattan. Would you believe it? Their meet-cure took over, took a place in an asylum that was taken over by doppelgangers. You drop, like...

You're never gonna believe this story. You drop your spell book and she bends over to pick it up and you bump heads and it's like... You drop your spell book and she bends over to pick it up And you bump heads There is an endless list of things that need to be done here in Log Land Log Land

But here is what needs immediate attention Must find more logs First we need more logs You don't know how many logs we go through. Four more logs. Four more logs. Four more logs. Sure, we need food, but the amount of logs we go through in a day is astounding.

is astounding. No, listen. First and foremost, we need help attending some of our wounded. Some are clinging to life as we speak. I'm going to read this straight out of my notes.

We are also out of firewood. Yeah. of firewood. That's a bottle cap. Who noticed the log first? Bottle cap! Who's got one? I got a cap. I don't have any caps.

Just remember you got a cap. You got a cap? I was going to say, oh, I have one right here. Those don't count. Bottle cap. Some are clinging to life. We need firewood. And if any of you are skilled at survival or cooking, some among us may starve if we cannot find a way to stretch out what little food we have left. Help me. Help us.

And I can tell you much. If you are not interested, rest. Many have come and left. But where do they go? I don't know and I don't care Well these ones in here And he leans in close You're sure none of them are doppelgangers

So many we have encountered have seen the innocent victim The hurt, injured person And they turn out to be double. You're sure everyone in this room is not a villain? I've learned to be extra cautious since things changed here.

But I've spoke to the goddess and she assures me that at least for now everyone here is safe. Well, that goddess, and she assures me that at least for now, everyone here is safe. Well, that settles it. Can I do a sense motive on her?

Sure. Uh, 23. She seems to be straight. She's hesitant. You might say her starting attitude is unfriendly. Well, justifiably so. But she... Yeah, she seems to believe in what she's saying.

Okay. Well, I'm afraid I'm no cook, and I cannot heal your injuries. Is there anything else you need done? They need firewood. I don't carry things either. She

kind of breaks it. You're just being obstinate now. It's like, hey man, I'm an eight strength. Just being honest. I have a seven strength and I can carry some firewood. I could carry logs.

You could carry logs in the eighth strength. We don't need help carrying it. I'll roll it. She breaks it down for you. She's like, I am a healer. But two of our survivors are suffering from wounds I haven't been able to fully heal yet. I burned all my channels for the day like a fucking idiot.

Before the boss fight? Before the boss fight? Before the boss fight. And I fear these two will not survive the night. And she points in the direction of a woman and a young boy resting on pallets near the altar. She goes on. She's like, that young man over there. And she points to like a guy, kind of like, it looks like he's trying to get around a woman and she's kind of blocking him. His name is Loic Alshonin and he was a patient here.

He suffers from hallucinations. Nasia, the woman, a former nurse here, is doing her best to contain him. But he keeps darting for the door. Help her calm him so he can take his medication. You can speak, yes? Yes. Very well. Extremely skilled

at speaking. Over there in the corner corner she points near the door Is splintered furniture And fallen support beams that we've gathered During our quick trips Past the barricade Sadly a crowbar and a hand axe Have been our only tools to break the scrap wood apart

And they're shitty Extremely shitty Our wood sucks If the strongest among you and they're shitty. Extremely shitty. Our wood sucks. If the strongest among you can help produce scrap wood to keep the fires burning for the night, you would be in my debt, in all of our debt.

Wait, we'll be in her debt? Yes. We'll owe her because we helped her? Shut up. We'll be in a debt. That sounds like a great deal. I will be in your debt. I think we can do this.

Shooters! Shooters! Get it, skin! So let's go over it. Wait, there's one more thing. She says, when we're getting the shot, she says,

as you can see, there are small fires set up about the chapel, cooking implements, collected waters, and basic foodstuffs. Some of the survivors are trying their best.

Shh, pay attention. Some of the survivors are trying their best to prepare meals But their methods are amateurish Amateurish and wasteful And we don't have enough resources To waste anything

If any of you can help with this It would go a long way toward helping us out So she needs someone strong To help with the firewood She needs someone with like survival Or cooking skills to help make food. They're trying to make something out of nothing. Are you volunteering or do you have a question?

No. Well, both. No, it's a question. Can I help cook? Because I'm good at it. Yes. You can help cook. Who will help with the firewood?

There also is this man who is trying to get out of here. Someone to speak to him. I shall speak with the man. So who wants to work on the firewood? And who wants to heal the sick? I am unfortunately strong and good at healing things, so I could do both unless, James, you would like to do something? I'd prefer to do nothing.

That's what I thought, James. Relax. I don't know. I don't know my entire past, but I remember people doing things for me. Things like collecting firewood. It seems so pedestrian. You could do it interestingly. Yes, all right.

I will collect your firewood. We don't need help collecting it, you rat. You dirty rat. I'm no rat. Breaking it apart. Oh, breaking it apart. No, I can't do that. Well, then you...

How about this? What? How is the morale in this place? Not great. Could you use... Could you use a bit of a show? Perhaps the people need something to make them laugh. No, that's good.

That's good. There are people dying. This man needs his medication. We're freezing and we're starving, but now we need a magic show. Yes. Yes, thank you. I'm picking up on your sarcasm.

He's Patch Adams. I think he's got a little nose on. I think you misunderstand the power of a happy face. Your friends may stay, you must leave. May the Lady of Grapes protect you. Praise Log. Praise Log. Praise Log.

Shooters! Shooters! These represent two different sets of shots, so thank you both the people who sent shots up. Lovely nose. It's actually really good. I think it's a 92. And thank you to Marlon and Claire. I'm drinking one of these beautiful emerging sunshine

brewed in gorgeous Corvallis, Oregon. So thank you. Delightful beer. My insides are on fire. All right. James, perhaps you'd like to come talk to the patient with me. Yes, I'll try that. You take the lead.

I'll follow. I'll work off your lead. All right, Mrs. O'Lady. You see this woman. She's like trying, stop this dude from running away. He'll pause sometimes and just kind of zip away, and she stops him.

Did Olivia Wilde tell us her name? No, you can ask. Pardon me, my dear, but what is your name? My name is Nasya. Oh, she did tell us. You're a liar! No, no. Are you talking

about Olivia Wilde? No. Okay. Nasya's name. Yeah, her name is Nasya. She's a nurse. She was a nurse here. Nasya the nurse. Who? Nasya what? What? What? What? Wait. We'll see you next week. We'll see you in Brooklyn. What? What? What? Wait. We'll see you next week. We'll see you in Brooklyn. What?

What do you do? Yeah. Oh, what do I do? What is happening? I don't know! Praise the log! Praise log! So you go over to Nasya, the nurse, this should be the praise symbol by the way Who's trying to Calm somebody down

And you tap her on the back And go What's your name? I didn't say it like that Well you might as well have I say She turns to be like Oh I'm Nasya

And he darts out the door and dies Oh no What? And she goes from unfriendly to hostile now In the split second before that happens, I say, Mrs. O'Lady says, Can you tell me who is this patient and what is his problem and how may we help?

And so she's like darting and weaving and she's like, he has... Mrs. O'Lady positions herself between him and the door to have this conversation. She's helping, yes. She's like, he has... His name is Loic El Shonen. He has frequent auditory hallucinations of his twin sister calling for him.

And she kind of whispers to you, she died when he was eight. Loic is now 27, but he's still plagued by the memories of his sister. Hey, oh, oh. She kind of stops him again. His hallucinations are usually managed by tinctures, but our community does not have it in good supply right now, so it's a matter of convincing him. And he's quite agitated, as you can see, to calm down and take his medicine. Help me, but please, both of you, do not manhandle him. Do I look like someone who would manhandle someone else?

No, actually you don't. I don't know why I said that. What do you do? She, by the way, is played by Christina Hendricks. Oh, cool. Oh, I like her. And he is played by Jude Law.

Oh, wow. Good get, right? Yeah. Handsome. Like Jude Law from, like, Tal the Mr. Ripley days? Because he's, like, right? Handsome. Like Jude Law from Tal the Mr. Ripley days? Because he's like 27? Sure.

Are you a favorite Jude Law, Matthew? I have many favorite Jude Laws. He's got a poster above his bed. I have several posters. AI Jude Law. AI Jude Law. AI Jude Law. Gattaca Jude Law. Also a great Jude Law. Which one Yeah, it's A.I. Jude Law. It's A.I. Jude Law. I mean, Gattaca Jude Law, also a great Jude Law.

Which one? Gattaca. Oh, yeah. You know, by the way, Jude Law has a tattoo of Rorschach from Watchmen on his arm. You told me that. I told you that before. Jude Law is my hair loss idol. This has been Jude Law Talk.

There we go. At Glass Cannon Live. A little bonus. Tune in next week for more law facts. Brought to you by Church of the Law. Praise law. Praise law. Praise law.

Okay. What do you do? You're so dumb. So dumb. Mrs. O'Lady shares a look with James and then tries to talk to Jude Law. And he's like, Who are you?

Who are you, old lady? You may call me Mrs. Old Lady. I know you. Yes? I know you. You took her! You took her!

He tries to dart, and Hendrix pushes him against the wall, but like gently, like just trying to keep him from hurting himself really. Real quick, I'm just going to cast the spell while she's pushing him. He's a little distracted. Okay. Color spray? Yeah.

Boom! Color spray. Get out of Longland! That's how we used to do it back in my day. Like, coddle these patients now. Don't manhandle them. Give a kid a little color spray and learn! Exactly. That's how they did it in the old asylums.

No, he's going to cast... That's for a young pope! He's going to cast his new spell, which he has prepared. It's called Illusion of Calm. And it doesn't quite do what you think it does in this situation. It doesn't calm him, but it makes me appear as if I'm just standing there watching. So I'm just standing there watching, and that's all he sees. What the fuck kind of spell is that?

Well, I bet it's going to be real convincing. Why don't you just act real calm? Stay, Barry, stay. Stay. Don't help out. Oh, oh wait. I rolled high on an initiative for once. Let me run 40 feet away from the battle.

I would like that bottle cap back. Laugh it up. Alright, so while Mrs. Old Lady, an old lady, is bobbing and weaving with Christina Hendricks, you look cool as a cucumber.

Yeah, he takes, you know, as he's getting pushed back, a little distracted, he casts the spell and it just appears that he's standing there watching. Awesome. He said, wait, keyword appears. Something cool could happen. Mrs. Old Lady, roll a bluff, diplomacy, or intimidate check. Okay.

To try and calm this dude down. You want to aid? He's not afraid, right? Okay, hold on a second. Can we go six seconds forward? Oh. Bob Weave, Bob Weave, Bob Weave, Bob Weave. There we are.

I'll allow it. Here's what I imagine. I imagine him back against the wall. There's a second, right? Yeah. As he's reorienting himself. James appears to just be standing there. He's looking right at him. There doesn's reorienting himself, James appears to just be standing there. He's

looking right at him. It doesn't seem to be any spells being cast. And James moves his hands, does an incantation. He doesn't see this. He doesn't hear this. James just appears to be standing there. And as Mrs. O'Lady is talking to him, he hears a voice in his head and slightly behind him, a female voice, a little distorted, a little strange, and just says, Take your medicine. Oh, trust me. These people know what they're doing. It's meant to be his sister.

It is a ghost sound, but perhaps he'll hear it as her advising him. So you see him like, ho, ho, ho. And he's looking at James. Doesn't look like he cast a spell. His head turns and he's hearing the voice. Mrs. O'Lady, you see an opening here. Please, let us help you. Trust us and this Emmy nominated actress with us

what would you like to roll? bluff give yourself a plus 4 ooh nice hot damn bottle cap bottle cap turning in the cap.

Nailed it. It's an illusion. Praise log. Okay. So, this is the symbol. It's basically that dude up there. That guy's praising logs. That guy gets it.

River says there used to be a log in his hands. They took it out long ago. Tonight's the anniversary. Yep. You walk around this theater late at night, you can still see the log. You listen closely. All right. All right. What'd you roll?

Plus four. Plus four, roll twice, take the better. Oh, we're doing that? I'm feeling loose. Okay. So, 25. Nailed it. Yeah!

Jude Law. Praise Law. Jude Law. His head cocks and he hears the voice of his sister and then he's like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'll take my medicine.

It's just like Jude Law. And his back just kind of leans into the wall and he sits down on the floor and Nasia rushes over to him and is very very gentle with him as she tries to administer what little tinctures they have left and she looks at you as she's doing it and smiles

as if to say, I don't care. She doesn't say that. She would never say that. She would never say that. But she's just like... You're alright, LaRusso? You're alright, LaRusso. And then she hands you the All-Valley Championship to...

Let's talk about Sheila making dinner. Sheila... Don't make popcorn. What about Sheila making dinner? Sheila. Don't make popcorn. No. No, I'm not doing that again. You get burned once. It's a terrible smell. You know, basically, Sheila,

she just kind of points you over to what little rations they have left. It's not a great situation. You think, like, you're racking your brain. You're an intelligent dude. Like, maybe there's a way I can make something out of nothing here. But, like, there's a small chance you could ruin everything and make things worse for them. What do you want to do?

Uh, well, Sheila kind of looks at all the provisions around him, like leans back, like, alright, so, and he looks around and says, now I'm a bit of a chemist.

And that's all cooking is. Am I right? It's chemistry, salt, fat, acid, heat. Right? So, let's have a little fun in the old kitchen, eh? And I've got a lovely assistant here, my best friend. I call him best friend. He's going to be helping me today.

So, what have we got here? And he just paused through there and finds anything edible. And I have a die that was given to me at the meetup earlier today by a young woman, Gwen? I think her name was. Yes. She said that she's... From Gwen?

Not your daughter. Not your... The other Gwen. Not your two-year-old daughter. Another Gwen. Yeah, I met her. The other Gwen. Not your two-year-old daughter. Another Gwen. Yeah, I met her. She's wonderful. Yeah, she's great. Yeah, she said she'd been playing for like 12, 13 years, and Nestor was her favorite character,

and this is her die that she's been using the whole time, and so she gives it to me. Somebody use this die. What are you thinking? I am thinking a little bit of a salmon, sort of a salmon at a plancha. Maybe a beurre blanc. Yeah, with a little bit of sorbet on the side.

What about a teriyaki glaze? Can we get a teriyaki glaze? Yeah, teriyaki glaze. Everybody loves that. Yeah, teriyaki glaze. Everyone loves teriyaki glaze. Some stir-fried vegetables, whatever they've got. Something, you have a starch in there? Yeah, yams.

So a few yams, and then he's going to spit on it just for good measure. Roll a profession cook. Why survival? Or survival check. I have survival. Come on, buddy. And he's going to... Let best friend, going to aid?

Let's see if best friend is a good enough line cook to help out aides with the 10. Okay. So with the aid. Plus two. Okay. That is 19. 19. 19.

You work your magic and somehow, some way, you take these little scraps they have and make a pretty damn good meal for the night. All right! And they're just eating away and they're like, praise log. Praise log!

So fucking stupid. It really works in Portland though, man. These people love log more than you, Matthew. Praise log! I told you. It's big, it's heavy, it's wood. It comes in pairs,

it rolls, it's big, it's heavy. It's wood. It comes in pairs. It rolls. It's big. It's heavy. It's log. Best friend, you've got quite a situation in front of you. Let's start with the firewood. Let's let those two people bleed out while you make some firewood. Because I'd rather do this first. You see there's just like broken up furniture, like chunks of desks and chairs, fallen support beams, and they need help breaking it apart.

You look around the room and there's no one like – no one looks like, oh, that girl or that guy can like really handle himself to like take this apart. Everyone is like malnourished, in bad shape. You want to roll up and turn this into fire. Roll a strength check. Now, are we talking about furniture and leftovers made from, like, cheap particle board from Ikea? Are we talking

fine furniture handcrafted by the Timbers of Oregon? Wait, I'm sorry. The Timbers handcrafted the furniture? Yeah, the soccer team. You know why I hate Matthew so much? Is it misplaced modifiers? Is that our problem?

Is that like their off-season job is making furniture? I didn't realize that until now. Just roll the strength check. Seven. Oh, no. Go Timbers.

Looks like it's going to be a cold night. We're talking Timber. Pitbull? Kesha? Anyone? No. So basically, I imagine you see the people who are dying. No, no, no.

I mean, wait. He was aiding him in another action, right? Yeah. And then he's doing this action. Yes. We have time at that time to do the action with the sick people, don't we? Sure. Can you heal?

No, but we have a potion. James has a potion. Okay. I mean, he could take that potion and give it to the child. I also, I have a little pearl of power that I happened to come by recently. All right. So I imagine, all right, so I imagine you guys would go off to deal with what you deal with. Sheila makes a great meal.

And that takes like an hour, hour and a half, Sheila. Your thing maybe goes about 20 minutes. Obviously we fast forward through a lot of it. You see the sick people, but you're like, I think I can deal with this wood real fast. Nothing happens. It would be insane for me to deal with wood before people as a

healer, but okay. I know, I know. But that's what I decided. So you see a woman and a young boy. They're in bad shape. You can all go over and deal with them. The young woman is played by Tandy Newton. Oh, beloved. And the young boy is played by Matthew Capitacazza.

Oh my God! Whoa! Whoa! is played by Matthew Capitacazza. Oh my God! Whoa! But they have CGI'd him to make him look bigger. He's a seven-year-old boy.

That's so rare. A seven-year-old. Amazing things they could do with CGI now. He looks like a real seven-year-old boy. Use force perspective. Muscle mass. Right, add in some mass. Yeah.

What do you do? They're both just like, why did you do everything else first? It is funny to look for the cooking and chopping wood while this kid is dying. So, like, in what kind of state are they?

Are they bleeding out? No, they look stable, but in bad shape. You can see the woman. It looks like her arm is in, like, a makeshift sling, and you keep seeing her, like, holding her ribs. She's got beautiful dark skin. She looks Kellish, actually. Ah.

Kellish. Kellish. Yeah. Beautiful tan skin, long black hair, but she's fucked up. And the young boy, from time to time, he just, like, he's, like, having seizures. Can I do heel check? Yeah.

I'll aid you. On the boy or the woman? I don't aid you. On the boy. I'm going to do it on the boy. I do not aid. Okay. That's still 21.

21. Yeah, you figure this kid is probably susceptible to seizures. And like the other guy, he hasn't had his medication as regularly. So he needs, his condition is worsened. And his medication was tinctures, correct? No, different guy. Pay attention, Grant. This is Matthew Capitacasa, not Jude Law.

Jude Law has his tinctures. Matthew Capitacasa doesn't have his seizure medication. I thought he just put lifts in his shoes. That's a different problem. You going to let that go? A2, Grant. Grant usually lay off Matthew for that. Well, we had a lovely weekend, and now I just want to equalize it.

Okay, fair enough. So is there a way that I can... Do I ascertain any way that I could help in this situation? They, I mean... Olivia Wilde, Winter Klaxa, has told you she burned her channels for the day. Maybe healing would be enough to at least get them through the night. Okay, all right. Not unlike Grant,

who burned all of his channel, or his healing as well. Well, Shayla says, worry not, my little cherub. And he takes off his tiny little blazer, gently. And he pulls out the Pearl of Power

and recalls a spell, a formula of Cure Light Wounds. Woo-hoo-hoo! And casts it on the boy. Or he makes it, gives him a shot, and pours the little shot in his mouth. Gives him some whiskey. This is gonna hurt. And the kid is just like...

That's what it does for me. It's just like that. Thank you. Is that how I sound to you, Troy? Thank you. Thank you for the whiskey. I write plays. I write amazing plays.

I'm a brooding seven-year-old playwright. I decided to be a vegetarian because I write plays. That's accurate. Nailed it. Nailed it. It's just actually me, not a joke. That's why. That's why.

We're having fun. We sure are. We're having fun. We sure are. You guys having fun? You guys are the goddamn best. I swear. Alright, so the boy is in good shape. I mean, you feel like he's gone from seizuring every couple of seconds to being cool.

Can anyone help the woman? Do you have any more things to do, Sheila? No. Don? Can a heal check help this person? Wait, do you have any healing spells? I'm sorry. You can provide long-term healing if you do a successful heal check.

All right. I can help you with it. Excellent. I can help as well. Maybe. Yeah, roll to 8 how's the 8 going I 8 plus 4

plus 11 come on oh 28 whoa so it's DC 15 so you nailed it yeah almost doubled it you crushed it that normally takes Almost doubled it. And you crushed it.

That normally takes eight hours to do. But basically, like, it's pretty clear that this is all taking you guys a lot of time. But it's enough for Winter to know you guys are all right. All right. All right. All right. That's it. All right. So she comes over to you at a certain point while you're providing long-term care to this woman.

To be fair, we don't know that we're all right. We're just hoping. You're hoping. We're acting as if we know we're all right. That's what acting is, man. Acting. As if. She comes over and...

I read Stanislavski, too. That kind of snobbiness can only come from a master's in acting. Winter comes over to you seeing how just above good you've been. Like a 81%. She's got a tray full of bowls of watery onion broth. Dry venison.

She was holding out on you. Oh, no. And she brings it over to you. She says, please, join me. And she brings you to a corner of the room, again, away from everyone, around a small fire. And she's you to a corner of the room, again away from everyone, around a small fire. And she's

like, I can see that you do mean well. Even you, asshole. To James. Faustin has vouched for you. And I can only hope that the goddess has spoke true to me

You are not doppelgangers That you are trapped here In much the same way that we are How can I help you? Ask away Do you know who we are? I'm sorry, I do not. Why would we be in this place?

Well, you wouldn't be the first ones to lose a piece of themselves here. If you were patients, perhaps there is some record of why you were committed, but I do not have that information. Committed where? Where are we? This place is known as Briarstone Asylum. It is a hospice stuck on a rock sitting in the Danver River. A convenient place to forget inconvenient people. I'm sorry, you said you were all survivors, and the survivors are all I've known I've ever been.

What were you survivors of? I'm not entirely sure what happened to lead this, but a patient here led some sort of uprising. It wasn't like any riot that I have ever heard of, though. It was more like a religious movement. Praise Log!

Most of the northern halls in the asylum, from what we've gathered, are now held by these robed patients who call themselves the apostles. The log lovers. Apostles of the log. They call themselves the apostles in orbament. And those we've encountered are fanatically devoted to a patient

named Alva Zandalus. Praise, praise. Praise, praise. Who are you in this place? I am a sister of Maiden's Choir Cathedral in Kalifas. My associates and I were helping a royal accuser investigate strangeness in Thrushmoor. Caliphass. My associates and I were helping a royal accuser investigate

strangeness in Thrushmoor. Strangeness? What sort of strangeness? Hasterton Lowles, the Count of Versex, appears to have abandoned his duties as one of the nation's rulers.

Royal accuser Omari had reason to believe that Lowles had regular business here at Briarstone. She sent me along with other associates to investigate the asylum while she went on to Thrushmore.

Sorry, could you tell me what country we are in? You are in Ustalav I knew it I knew it The accent Versex country

That makes sense To be precise What else? to be precise. What else? Why? Even if it was a patient uprising, what explains the doppelgangers? And not just the run-of-the-mill doppelgangers,

but those that seemed to the last one we killed was so powerful, seemed to be strangely imbued with incredible power and abilities. Who are these creatures? Why have they come here? They've been dissecting us.

Yes. Experimenting. To be honest, I do not know. Wherever they came from, they emerged soon after this revolt. But what's strange is that some of the patients and staff who are here with us right now say that in the nights before this revolt, before this uprising, they had nightmares of exactly the sort of things that now stalk these halls. They saw the doppelgangers in their dreams before the doppelgangers

even came into existence. Oh. That's bad news bears. It's not. It's not great. We... I myself have been having bad dreams

since I've reawoken here. But of my past. Yes, I have as well. Yeah, me too. Yes. All of you have suffered this. Yeah. Have you?

What do you dream? I dream of logs. Beautiful, smooth logs. I dream of logs Beautiful Smooth logs They're not smooth They are here The perfect ones One day they will all be smooth Some of the

Some of the other survivors here Have said that Every show Some of the other survivors here have said that... Every show. We do one shot, and it's one day all of the logs will be smooth. What? I thought you were going to say, we do one shot. That is the dream of the log people. Praise logs. Praise logs.

I thought you were going to say, we do one shot, and is the dream of the log people. Praise log. Praise log. I thought you were going to say we do one shot and we found a religion in Portland. And Skid's our leader. Yeah. That's right. We're starting this log cult. Yeah, found a cult. I think, yeah, this is great. We stumbled on one.

That's how the best ones start. Right. That's how the best ones start. Right, that's right. That is, yeah. She's like, the other survivors, before they came here, before they came here to the chapel, they complained of these dreams as well. They spoke of strange dreams

of a gloomy city, vacant of inhabitants. They claimed dreams of a man dressed in tatters and rags. More color with the rags. He's having fun. They're just normal rag covers. Shit. Some who have fallen asleep outside of the chapel have awoke screaming.

I don't know what it all means, but I do know here in the chapel, the goddess attends to our dreams. And you do not suffer from these things while sleeping here under the rasmus silence sweet don't you feel bad for being a dick now to be honest yes

I do I would like to sleep here regularly if that's okay well I mean I have some room near my cart. Praise the Lord. Keep that going, man. Perhaps we could get under the covers and I could praise your Lord.

This has gotten too real. That's why they always room together, Matthew. They've never shared... You don't worry about what happens behind that door. You worry about it. I'm sorry. I'm not worried. I just try to open the adjoining door. I'm glad you found each other.

What other questions do you have for me? What have you tested or attempted to get out of this place? Have you tried to break through the perimeter? What is keeping us here? Why can we not leave? We have not gained access to a means of getting out of here

As you can see, the windows are barred And we have discussed breaking the windows But you can see it's as if the outside world has turned against us. What about what's behind that sheet? Sheet. Yes, I... I...

You doppelganger! Any attack. That was a very short romance. Yeah. You doppelganger! And he attacks. That was a very short romance. James is immediately suspicious when anyone wants to go to bed with him. You ask why we don't leave, and it's as if Briarstone Isle, or maybe the whole world,

the hospice is surrounded by some repulsive vapor. Worse, the weather is like nothing I've ever seen. And you remember going outside and being burned by scalding rain. Thunder like laughter. Rain like blood. The vapor is it a yellow mist? Yes. And that's to say

nothing of the shapes that scamper and flap within. And you remember your original dream before you woke in the dungeon. You saw strange shapes in the mist, vague forms that know when we sleep. Things are terrible here in the chapel, but at least we know we can see doom coming.

You ask of that wall, the space behind the curtain. I do not know. wall. The space behind the curtain. I do not know what lies behind there. And as she's talking, cinematically, back to David Lynch style.

Mulholland Drive. Behind the diner, going towards the dumpster. Oh no! No! That scares me so much. So she's talking. She's like, I don't know. And the camera's just moving towards

that red curtain. We've left it alone and it hasn't bothered us. The curtain starts to wave a little bit like Mrs. O'Lady's mage hand. Maybe you see a little bit behind it. Whatever you do,

don't tell the children about it. Things are bad enough without that and just it moves up a little bit. And Mrs. O'Lady, you remember now. You saw something. An eye. And we'll see you in Brooklyn.

What? Thank you, Portland! you