The Glass Cannon Podcast - Strange Aeons Episode 51 – Wait in the Truck

Episode Date: October 18, 2022

A pair of ominous figures approach the Sellen Starling as it docks on the shores of the nation of Galt. Join Troy Lavallee, Joe O'Brien, Skid Maher, Matthew Capodicasa and Sydney Amanuel as they tour the country playing the Lovecraftian Horror Strange Aeons Pathfinder Adventure Path. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/XIxd9GDPG6g For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for exclusive content and benefits, subscribe today at patreon.com/glasscannon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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From our airy lavender cream cold foam. Only this spring, only at starbucks ice lavender cream oat matcha tea latte includes dairy you are listening to the glass cannon network the premier source for role-playing game entertainment There's a very popular country song out right now by an artist named Hardy featuring Lainey Wilson called Wait in the Truck. And I'd heard this song a few times before. I was just like, oh, catchy tune.

And then my wife was like, have you heard this new song, Wait in the Truck? And I'm like, yeah, sing it. And she sang it. I was like, yeah, I know. I think I know that one. She's like, well, next time, really listen to it.

And so I brought it up on YouTube and listened to it. And it's one of these classic old country story songs where this, basically it's like transient country drifter is driving around and he sees a, this could be a little around and he sees a uh uh it's gonna be

a little dark he sees a woman on the side of the road who's like covered in bruises and battered and so he he picks her up and he's like what uh what happened to you and she's like oh my my boyfriend or my husband you know he talks about the whiskey scars she's hiding and uh so he's like well where uh where is this guy and so she's she tells him where hiding. And so he's like, well, where is this guy? And so she tells him where it is. And so he drives over there and he says, wait in the truck. And he goes in and he kills the guy. And then he sits on the porch and waits for the cops to come.

And the cops come and he gives himself up and he goes away for life. And then she comes and visits him. And he's like just happy that she comes and and visit him but he sees in jail for life uh so it makes me wonder what's the nicest thing you ever did for a stranger jared well when i was a transient for a while i I found a battered woman, and she was so happy to see a transient after being horribly beaten that she immediately let me take her in my arms. Really primed to get into a stranger's truck. Yeah, she was really happy to get into my truck. She was totally at ease doing that, and I took her for a Jamba Juice.

Skid, have you done anything nice for a stranger ever in your life? Like real nice? No, I don't think so. No? Never carried an air conditioning up four flights of stairs for an old lady? No. No. I can't recall.

I probably did, but it didn't register. Matthew, I imagine you have so many things that you've done for the strangers that you've met over your short 23 years on this earth. God, I wish. Well, there is one story I could tell where I encountered somebody that I had never met on the streets of New York and they were like, hey, I need a favor. I can't pay you anything, but if you could do me this solid, it'll be your good deed for the day. I said, okay. Then they wanted me to come back and skin all their serial killer

victims alive with them because you need someone to hold them down. I said, sure. That's not nice, though. That's not a nice thing. That's not a nice thing. I know we were doing bits. That's a favor, but it's not. Jared sort of set the bit tone.

Jared set the bit tone. Come on, guys. Be real like I was. Be a real thing like Jared did. I mean, nobody composed a murder ballad about me. Sydney, are you a big stranger helper? Yes. End of story.

My boyfriend likes to think that I'm too trusting, which to me is very funny because I think I'm extremely skeptical. I think I'm like anti-authoritary and like full skepticism about everybody. But I do think that generally I am like a nice person who thinks good of most people. New York hasn't broken me down yet. Oh, it will. But I do one thing that I think is good. I don't know. When I work on set,

we always have so much crafty leftover and lunch leftover. And they always ask the crews, you know, do you guys want to take some home? And usually people are like, no, because I don't want to carry this big tray of like chicken, Cuban chicken home on the subway. So I take it anytime that I can.

And then I just give it to any homeless person or houseless person that I see who's asking for money or food. And I give them like a full tray of food or whatever I have. And that's it. I just try to do that every time I leave set. That is a money bit, Sid.

That's awesome. It's hilarious. Funniest bit so far. Funniest bit so far. Sometimes the truth is the funniest thing. My comedy chops have been put to shame. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Was Troy asking if we were good people and I'm supposed to go and fart all over it? That would have been more appropriate. Oh, okay, yeah. The nicest thing I did was I tripped an old lady in Times Square. I told her to eat shit and die. Every single thing I've done the entire course of my life has been meaner than that. That was the nicest thing I've ever done. Are you just bringing, like, trays of buffalo wings to people on the street? Yes.

Without napkins? It's like the muffin bottoms all over again. If I saw you with a tray of buffalo wings, I would really quickly try to make myself look unhoused. Sometimes it's not very conducive

eating food. It's a big tray of rice. I mean, rice is fine. It's good. But I'm like, this is what I had. I don't know, it's rice. Here you are, stranger,

help yourself to a piece full of rice. Here's some very dry old rice. Thanks. You're not even supposed to give that to pigeons at weddings.

All right, no good deed. Fuck, it goes unpunished. She's never done anything good. They're moving on. She's never done,

finally, we came to the heart of the matter. Joe, I don't know. I feel like you're afraid of strangers. I am generally afraid of strangers, yeah. I don't really do much nice for strangers, I don't think, besides donating money. But I did.

So a few weeks ago, I was walking in my neighborhood. This is random. And I this woman, this older woman was on the side of the pulled over on the side of the road on my street. And she was like, could you could you please help me get this furniture into my car? And it was like somebody was throwing out furniture. And it wasn't bad furniture. It was like totally furniture you could pick up off the street. But they were they were throwing it out and it was like

like a kitchen table kind of thing in four chairs basically and this woman had this small white sedan and she was like i'd really love to get this in my car like could you help me like will it fit do you think and i was like sure i'll help you and long story short i was there for about 30 minutes and i left her with all the stuff still on the street i was like try it this way this around what the trunk could do one chair like and we couldn't get anything into that car it was like a full dining set and she had a sedan and it just did not work that That was a kind of silence. I'm really sorry. I'm sorry. I have to go.

I'm sorry. You made it worse than when it started. I scratched her car like three times. Cursing and grunting up a storm. Exactly. Sweating. Flop sweat. She's like slowly edging away.

By the end of it, she's across the street because she's just so terrified. Well, between now and the next time we all meet, see if you can do one nice thing for a stranger. What have you done, Troy? I am actually nicer to strangers than I am people that I know and like. Do you consider leaving them alone and running in terror from any interaction with them to be nicer? No. You know, sometimes my wife is like, you really went out of your way for that stranger.

I'm like, eh, I never have to see him again. But yeah, I can't remember anything specific, but I'm sure I've done something nice. Not recently. This is so long that it's hard to pick one. I held the door for a woman earlier today. She had a baby in her hands and I said, I gotcha. Wow.

Wow. Troy LaVallee. Slow clap. You know, people throw around the word humanitarian a little too frequently these days. Yeah, they do. Nobel Peace Prize, I think.

What did he do? He held the door open begrudgingly for a woman holding a baby. And gave her a nasty look. Sure, I'll hold it. And then thought to himself, well, I never have to see her again. Did I not mention that I sighed as I did it? It's still held up, though. A audible sigh.

We're back tonight for some more Strange Ons. Sorry we missed everybody last week. We had this crew ready to go. Luckily, this crew is back. We were like, you know what? Fuck it. Let's put everybody on. Let's put everybody on.

I had started a rumor that Sydney had quit the show. Not a rumor. And you were surprised how many people believed it. Not a rumor. I just want to clear the air. Not a rumor. Oh, you did quit. Okay. And you just came back. Yes, and. Oh, nice. Okay. Well, welcome back. No, I didn't quit. People were very concerned. You're right, Troy. People were tagging me on Twitter, and they're like, Sydney, please don't quit. Please don't listen to Troy, no matter what he says. Please don't quit. And I felt really bad, because I didn't quit. I just couldn't do the F. Please don't quit. Please go back and work with that man who's inspired to do good deeds by listening to murder ballads in his car. Let's start other rumors, like Matthew and I are beefing over student loans policy. I don't think they should be paid by Biden, and Matthew does, and we've exchanged harsh words. The words were so harsh, I don't know that I can ever look Jared in the eyes again.

I said, if you freeloaders want my generation to pay for your mess, you've got another thing coming. And that's when the fist started flying. Well, I really wish you guys hadn't continued that argument over our group email thread. Yeah. Because that got very uncomfortable for me.

Yeah, I'm sorry about that. It just finds a way of just filtering into every interaction Jared and I have now. Yeah, especially because I start I have now. Yeah. Especially cause I start emails with it. That's right. That's the subject line. You should have seen us go at it.

It was like two hockey players where we didn't actually hit each other once, but it was very, it was a lot of grappling. Anyway, make a Reddit thread about that. Cause it really is real. Um, my, is real. My goal for tonight is to not accomplish anything, because that

will be easy with five of us trying to roleplay. We have to go back to two shows ago, or whatever, three shows? Two shows ago, I think, in Boston. If you're not caught up, earmuffs, but Matthew and Sidney's character passed away, as it were.

Sidney's character, I think it was your second or third ep with that character? Yeah. Bit it. And so then last time – How did they die, Troy? They died to poor dice rolls versus my good dice rolls. You killed them. Ike Mouth.

You killed them. Wait in the truck. Yeah, wait in the truck, Matthew. There's going to be some guy in a pickup truck waiting outside your apartment. I don't know if he's an angel because angels don't do what he did. That's a line from the song.

What are we talking about? No idea. Wait in the truck. So they died. And then last, the last time we went live here, Sydney, you had a prearranged engagement that was more important than us. And so we had Jared come in.

And so we're like, well, you can introduce your character later, later being. They needed feminine energy. Right, we needed strong feminine energy. So we brought Jared back. And then we're just like, we can't just not have Jared be on this app because you're in the middle of something big. So this is going to be a real fun app.

Joe had asked before we went live, does he even need dice today? Probably not. Let's just see what happens. I do need to do a recap, though, because it's been a couple of weeks. I barely remember where we are, so I can't imagine any of you do. But you know you're on a boat journey,

and you're going down the Selen River. You're traveling from the city of Threshmore in Ustalav, all the way down to a whole different nation, the nation of Taldor, to the city of Casimir. You're going all the way down there because you're hot on the trail of a man named Count Hazard and Liles IV. We've heard his name now.

Ad nauseum. As you've been hot on his trail, you've been taking these excursions to the Dimensions of Dreams. The Dimension of Dreams, this area known as the Dreamlands. And you're doing that because you learned that the Count was doing that

in order to further his research. And his research led him, as far as you know, to Casimir. A breakthrough in said research happened when the Count met a figure known as the Mad Poet while traveling the Dreamlands. So you are trying to get a meeting with the Mad Poet as well. But in order to do so, you're going on these various dream quests to random locations throughout the dreamlands to try and obtain specific gifts to offer this mad poet to even have the opportunity to speak with him. Right now, you have three of the possible seven gifts that it looks like Laos brought

to him to gain an audience. Meanwhile though, back in the material plane, back in the real world, life on the boat has been rough. You were attacked by a group of Razmiran zealots and have taken the dozen or so

thralls that they had on board on your ship. While stopping in another town of religious weirdos, two of your companions, as I just said, were slayed by a creature known as a Dracolisk that seemed hellbent on destroying you. And almost did wipe out the entire party. destroying you, and almost did wipe out the entire party. You then left that seaside town of Riverton behind and watched from afar as the spiritual leader of this town, an old elf named Nyrel Twiceborn. He's a Hansper worshiper, and you saw him draw one of his wives towards the water

as she was kind of coming with him reluctantly, and it appeared as if he drowned her in the water and killed her as part of their fanatical religious worship ceremony that happens at dusk every day. You're like fighting with yourself. We need to go back and kill him. But Skywin's like, that's their problem. We got to move on.

Enough people have died. Let's go. And so the next place you stop is a sleepy little town called Debril in the nation of Galt. And you're stopping there so your captain can resupply. You're going through supplies really quick now that you've got 50 people on board, and you're also hoping that maybe you can find some more help for your journey as your numbers have dwindled. You lost a very strong sword in Sir Julie and a not great cleric. So you're like, maybe we can find a warm body and another strong sword. So mean. Stupid. Maybe we can find a warm body and another strong sword. So, so. As you're, as Skywin takes off, you, you're introduced to what appears to be a simple commoner who is whittling dollhouse furniture on the docks. A man by the name of Ethel Merman, who displays incredible martial prowess by beating up O.J. Simpson, one of the former slaves of the Razbiran Faith Barge.

But as you're waiting for Skywind to return, a small boat, much smaller than your boat, arrives with three people on it. It's like two men and a figure clad all in gray. Their faces is covered in a shroud with just like a scowling face drawn on it. You start digging through your Rolodex of society checks and you realize, fuck, this is a gray gardener.

They are like the police force of golf, but they're like the KGB. They are these inquisitors who act as judge, jury, and executioner for the closest thing to a ruling body in Galt, known as the Revolutionary Council. This is a nation embroiled in anarchy, and you thought even Skywind said,

being this far away from the main action in Galt, you'd be fine in this little town of perfumes and flowers, but now there's this great gardener. You watch as they enact this like ten-minute spell, and you are able to figure out that the spell that they're casting is discern-wise.

When they finish casting the spell, they start eyeing the dock, and their eyes lock on your boat. They then begin to walk toward you. dock and their eyes lock on your boat. They then begin to walk toward you. What's everybody

doing at this point? You're all on deck. Are you just kind of chilling? Does everyone notice this or is it just like Aldo and Atticus? Because you were the ones being like, what spell is being cast? Ethel, you're still like bringing your whittling stuff up. What is happening here? I'd like to say

that we're all watching and we're all prepared and we're all ready because it was a 10 minute casting and Aldo and Atticus both were like they're casting discern lies and then when they start walking over it's like prepare yourselves. Lies will not get you anywhere.

And I think that we're all just like act natural. and then when they start walking over, it's like, prepare yourselves. Lies will not get you anywhere, you know? And I think that we're all just like, act natural. Ethel will turn to Aldo and Atticus and be like, so, should I kill him? You want to kill him? Do you know this one? No. Have you seen him before?

I don't know him, but you tell me. I'll kill him if you want me to kill him. No, don't start a scene yet. I'll give you the signal if it's time for murder. Okay, got it. You're the boss. Be prepared to kill him, but don't jump the gun. Ah, yeah, okay. But what's the signal, just so we're clear?

I'll shout, I'll shriek in a very high-pitched voice, Kill him! that should be pretty I should be able to discern your code there sir hopefully you remember Xantar never lies Xantar only tells truths he is not afraid of these men wearing loincloths on their faces.

No, that is right, Xantar. You need not fear them. Just tell the truth and you'll be fine. Yes, I will tell them about our forays into the dreamlands. No. And how we are collecting ingredients to... Commune with a dark god. No, sir.

You're communing with a dark god? That wasn't in the contract. No, it's a bit misunderstanding. We are communing with a dark god for good, my friend. Your Grace, sometimes the best policy when meeting strangers as your royal personage would surely know is to be quiet first and then start telling truths in a royal fashion. Just be as silent as possible. They're coming.

I'll climb up to the highest point on the ship and kind of perch there and look down below. All right, so this burly, heavily tattooed barbarian in a diaper. Dwarf. Dwarf climbs to the top of the crow's nest and looks down as this figure approaches the boat. And standing on the docks below, they look up, and the voice that comes out is that of a woman. And she says, Who is the captain of this boat?

Again, no face, just a drawn-on face. In fact, if you go over to roll 20, I will show you what she looks like. Oh, I bet this art's going to be awesome. Confirmed. Looks like Moon Knight. Yeah, there's a little bit of a Moon Knight situation going on there.

Longbow on her back. Does she have a sword drawn right now? No. She does. I never can get the artwork and the way they're just walking down the boat. It's more of an action shot of her.

Who is the captain of this boat? I point frantically at Skywind Freeling. She's gone. She's captained by Skywind Freeling. She has gone ashore's, yeah, so. She is captained by Skywyn Freeling. She has gone ashore to collect supplies.

We are left behind doing our simple duties. When will she return? I cannot be certain, but today, a matter of hours, I presume. Well, then who is the acting captain in her absence? Aldo. Kazdimir,

he is here. I don't think we ever settled on a chain of command, chain of succession as such, but certainly I'd be happy to help with any inquiries you might have. We were tasked to look

after the ship. Is there something wrong? Is there some danger? Perhaps. I am looking for a man named Emilio Daldamain. Senator Daldamain, as it were. That's a made-up name. There's no way that's a proper name. Emilio Daldamain?

Come on. He just stares at you. Oh, shit. Please carry on. Perhaps it's not the time. I mean, all names are made you. Oh, shit. Alden, perhaps... Please, carry on. Perhaps it's not the time. I mean, all names are made up if you think about it. Is Senator Dalton there? Is he aboard your ship?

To our knowledge, no. No. I've never heard that name in my life. Oh, we'll remember that. No. We once did have a Carlos Danger aboard, but... We Oh, we'll remember that. No. We once did have a Carlos Danger aboard, but... We did. We did. He was but a mere congressman.

Right, yeah. Carlos Danger. Oh, wait, no, that's what he went by, Carlos Danger, but I believe Danger was his middle name. Ah, yes. Sorry. I can't remember his surname. I forget. She's just watching each of you as you speak,

turning and staring at you, perhaps discerning your lies. That was a joke, by the way. I was joking. We hired him. That's why we pay him the big coins. It's his sense of humor. So you're unfamiliar with this man?

No, never heard of the knight. Sorry. Never heard the name and I have been on this vessel for, what, Aldo? Did we board some 40, 50 days ago? Long time. And we have been on this vessel for quite some time and know that a man of that name has never crossed the gangplank.

Can I roll a society check to see if Ethel knows the senator? Sure. I don't know if Ethel knows the senator? Sure. I don't know if Ethel knows. Yeah, is this like a famous name? Yeah, you can roll society. I'm going to roll it too. That's a good idea, Matthew.

You know what? Bottle cap. You know what's funny is you already said you don't know him, so if you succeed on this check and learn something. You're lying. Oh, no. Wow, that's a catch-22. Of course I did on this one.

Ethel made no claim. But I rolled a 25. 25. Anybody else? I rolled a 30. 30. Society. I rolled a 16. Okay.

Ethel and Atticus, you seem to remember an undistinguished senator of that name from Isarn. Is that the guy from Isarn? I vaguely remember. Oh. Oh, perhaps you're right. Yes. Isarn, by the way, is the capital city of Galt. No, I have heard that name. He's a rather high-profile individual. Certainly I would have recognized him if he was on our boat, but I have not seen him.

Well, I shouldn't say that. I've never seen him before. I just know the name. Well, he is a traitor to the Revolutionary Council, and I have been tasked with finding him. She starts walking towards your gangplank. I must come aboard to search your vessel. I trust that is not a problem. Hand goes to her sword. Of course not. No, of course not.

Ethelerman steps up. Perhaps one of you might be willing to read off the manifest so that the Honorable Gardner here might know who's aboard. Anyone? You have a list of names of your passengers? That won't be necessary. I will be thorough and quick.

Yeah, I have a feeling that this, like, professor or whatever might be this dude, like, traveling in disguise. I think. In which case we're probably going to get in a fight. But I don't really care about this dude. Is there a reason we care about this dude like traveling in disguise. I think in which case we're probably going to get in a fight, but I don't really care about this dude. Is there a reason we care about this dude? So Julie cared about that dude. Yeah. Cause they were banging,

but sir, Julie's gone. No, um, I, I, my prediction is that the truth will end up being this guy. If we're taking,

if we're making bets, I would want to be thralls. The truth. Yeah. I think it's the truth. I was like, of course I have the edgelord fingeralls, the truth? Oh, the truth. We of course have the edgelord Finger Lakes, Wedgie 2, Wedgie 1, Wet Knees,

Fingers O'Toole, Fanny Crummager, Dinky Fustumble, Gossen and Rebben, Chocolate Chip, Dead Tooth, OJ Simpson, who's nursing a terrible wound, Pancake, Porkchop, Pedro Alacabam, Spinny Pau, The Truth, Simple Syrup, Dimples,

Mrs. Fantastic, Scallywag, and Basement Betty. So that's what the manifest says at this point. Reading it off like song. That's all I wanted. That's all I wanted you to do. And Basement Betty. Well, any of these names could be a cover. Please step aside.

And she comes aboard, and she is just like, she's walking around, and from time to time, she'll hold her hand out over a section of the boat without even lifting a tarp or anything to look under it. And then she'll walk around, and she opens up the captain's chamber. Goes in there.

Goes in the room where Revan and Gossa are. Comes out. And then goes down into the hold of the ship. And she's down there for a little while. Because there's all those people down there. And then she comes up. Very well.

Thank you for your time. Should you see this senator, make it known to any Grey Gardener you should see this man belongs to me. Do you have a card or something?

I don't. What does the senator look like? I'm not familiar with his appearance. He's portly and a fool. Oh. Right. He's dressed like a fool. Not many of those. He's dressed like a motley fool.

A fat motley fool. Good. Yes. you will know. She's just kind of hanging there, lingering, watching. Do you want a cup of coffee or something? We're low on supplies, but for a great gardener, we'll make an exception. Ethan, please. Stop talking. Let the gardener go on about her business.

You're the boss. I take it you are new here to this region, sir. Here in Galt, the Grey Gardeners are the only true justice keeping this nation alive. Good day to you all. She turns and starts walking down the dock. And as she's walking down the dock, you see her pass this woman who's just standing there. In fact, you were probably so wrapped up talking to the Grey Gardener that you didn't even notice this woman who's standing there and standing out from the crowd.

I mean, as I mentioned last episode, there's a lot of hustle and bustle on the dock. There's people whittling doll furniture. You know, it's not a big fishing town. It's more of an artsy, perfumey town. There's people selling their wares and whatnot, but there's a lot happening. There's this one figure that sort of stands out to you.

What do they look like, Sydney? She has long brown hair that is sort of like braided and twisted that falls behind her. She's in a long white robe, dress, and it is sopping wet, just like sticking to her skin She's in A long white Robe dress

And it is sopping wet Just like sticking to her skin Just wet And Joe is making a face And It looks good It's cool It's cool

It's really awesome She has very prominent, strong features. Elven features. High cheekbones. Really sharp eyebrows. An elf's niche. If you could see closer, green eyes. And if you look even closer, you might notice she is barefoot.

No shoes. Oh. And she's standing, almost waiting. Like, she's looking at you guys on the boat. And she just looks very patiently waiting. She's just kind of staring ahead. So she looks like a nightmare.

Like a nightmare is happening to all of us right now. It's like the villain, the monster from a Japanese horror movie. You mean to say, like, the singer girl from The Ring? Right. Seriously. Okay, forgot to mention.

Barefoot, soaking wet, white dress, green eyes, staring. Yeah. She vomits a lot. Out of her mouth, I've seen waves. She vomits a blue-black encore. Down the front of her dress. If you could hear over the dull of fishmongers and stuff, you'd just hear, But she just stands there waiting.

And she looks kind of like stoic, peaceful. Not creepy, but a little creepy because she's just kind of like. And the creepiest thing is I was going to say Xantar you don't you don't quite recognize her Ethel you've been there for a while you don't recognize her either but Atticus and Aldo there's something

very hauntingly familiar about this woman hey you know you guys know the creepy chick who's standing on the dock over there? Want me to kill her? From the crow's nest, I yell, Friends! There is a woman staring at the bow!

Xantor has spotted something. And we look over the gunnel. As Matthew would say. Get her! Oh, there. as Matthew would say um ho there do you have some interest in this vessel she looks up hearing Xantar yell and then Atticus call out and she

slowly walks towards it towards the boat step step wet feet on the dock I got a bomb ready what was the word on the killing was that a go just hold

please get your magical invisible weapons ready we may need them in a moment excuse me please approach slowly as you know this is a very dangerous country. We cannot allow anyone aboard. What is your business?

Hello. Pardon the intrusion. And she kind of, like, waves. I was following you on your boat. Pardon the appearance as well. It was a long swim. And then... Fly. I flew for a bit, but I was swimming first.

And then I... Well, I was following your boat. Sorry, you have no idea who I am. No, you look... You certainly do look familiar, but I can't believe I wouldn't remember you. I'm not sure you caught my name. Perhaps you did. Well,

you may know me as Sarah. One of the Sarahs. Oh! The wives of the gentleman who was... Oh! Oh! Yes! How did all that play out?

Atticus expression darkens. But you drowned. Hello, sir. Ah. Um... Way up for the crow's nest. I was... I'm not...

She puts her hand up when you say the wife of... She puts her hand up. you say the wife of... She puts her hand up. I was not his wife. Nyarl Twiceborn doesn't actually take wives. He takes concubines. And I was one of his consorts. Ooh. And what?

You escaped. Exactly. Is that not obvious? So why us? Why did you follow us? Why not? Not many people stop in Riverton, I saw you coming I foretold your losses and I'm sorry for them

And I decided it was a perfect opportunity Really, I mean, thank you, I should say You provided an excellent distraction and The ceremony went off without a hitch. No one thought a thing. I assure you, it was far more meaningful to us than a distraction. We lost our allies. And did I hear you say you foretold it? Yes. Explain yourself. What does that mean?

I have a gift, which is why I was taken. Nyarlath Twiceborn uses people. That's sort of his deal. And he used me for my gifts and kept me trapped. I have seen abilities, not always, and not always strong, but I saw your ship coming. I saw your losses, and there was nothing that I could possibly do. Please understand. And I am sorry. I'm sure you were friends.

But it was my only chance. And I took it. So I thank you. And now... I guess I'm here asking... If you would be able to take me in on your ship. I have no money. I have no friends in this region. I don't know anyone.

I was taken here years ago. I've been trapped. This is the first time I've ever escaped Riverton and Nival and the Haspo cult. So please, I'm too proud to beg, but

I need passage. Sorry, might we confer for a moment before we give you a final decision? Absolutely, I completely understand. Also, as a sign of good faith, my name is Suki Oriana Isolde. That's my real name.

I haven't been able to use it in years, but... It's an elven name. If you can't pronounce it, it's okay. Suki is fine. Suki. Right. One moment, Suki. I'll leave you to it. And she just walks away. Okay. And I turn to Atticus. She goes back and stares from far away. It's like, well, there's a few factors here that I think we have to take into account. One, there's not a lot of room on the boat.

Although, two, we are still a person short. Three, she really does creep me out, but that could be a good thing. And four, this is a classic, as we call it where I'm from, wait-in-the-truck situation. So this is a great opportunity for us to do a good deed for someone, for a stranger. And perhaps benefit in the bargain. But I had sent...

I had sent... Oh my god, what's her name? What's the captain's name? Skywyn. I keep thinking Starling, because that's the name of the boat. Skywyn. I had sent Skywyn ashore looking for a sword, and I think we found one already.

Perhaps we could use this vision she says she has. We could see the future. It could be invaluable, Aldo. And she said she flew part of the way, and she's got to be an excellent swimmer if she made it by that far. Like an astounding swimmer. It's hard to comprehend, actually.

I mean, that alone, just being able to rescue Xantar the next time he falls off the boat. True. That'll be worthwhile just on its own. Xantar does not fall. But can she be trusted? O.J. Simpson is. You're up and about again.

O.J., you're not permanent member of group. Sorry. I just wanted to know. Good point. Do I get to voice it? Ethel, I know we just met, but in this situation, I would like you to make the decision.

I think it's your call. I think after all we've been through, it's your call. It's your call. Boat is already very full. No, I agree with you, Xantar. It is full, but we are catering to wet knees and whatever their names are.

I don't bother to remember them week to week. She glides back over towards the boat. None of them present such a skill as this one seems to have. Pardon me. Hold, please. Hold, please. We're not done. Ethel has not spoken yet. We're still discussing it.

You spoke for four straight minutes. The group of men are deciding about a woman. I'm going to send an emergency police. My apologies. Sorry. I think there's only one thing we can do here, one reasonable option. It's the same option you gave me.

Bring up OJ Simpson and see what she can do to him. And if she passes the test. Right. Yeah, it's true. Could she perhaps look into OJ Simpson's future? See what he may do one day. Orenthal, come on up here. I think I can take her.

Got another quick fiver that we need of you. And I push OJ to the fore and say, uh, uh, Suki, if you wouldn't mind showing us what you're capable of on this gentleman here.

Listen, I have no problem with you. I learned the hard way not to mess with new recruits. She turns to the group. You want me to fight him? Yeah, I mean, in whatever way you feel most effective. You don't have to kill him

if that's against your moral principles, but at least put him down, you know? Yeah. Come on, man. Yeah. Use your water magic to fill his but at least put him down, you know? Yeah. Come on, man. Yeah. Come on, man. The Jews alone. Use your water magic to fill his lungs with fluid.

Okay. The Jews are just starting to feel good again. If this is what you'd like and how you allow people on your boat, I will do this. What's he doing? It's all right, Hershey. It's all right. I kick him in the back down the

gangplank. She lifts him up. She's so tall. She lifts him up and places him next to her and pats him on the shoulder and takes a step back. Are you ready? Ready for what? What is she doing?

And she puts her arm out, like kind of pointing a finger, and from her back almost, a snake slithers, coiling down her arm onto the ground and slithers up towards OJ. What the fuck? She says, What the fuck?

And the snake launches at OJ. Just goes around his neck and starts to constrict him and grab him. She's cool. The Jews have straggled. She looks around, not wanting to draw attention on the docks, and looks around and she goes, may I call him back?

the docks and looks around and she goes, May I call him back? As this is happening, as Oji is thrashing on the ground, Atticus just turns to Aldo and is like, The snake must have been a very good swimmer as well. Yeah. Water.

It's like a two-for-one deal for us. Alright, okay, that is enough. That is enough, Suki. Let's release him. The snake goes back. Hang on, hang on, hang on. I've seen snake drummers in my day. You better prove you can repeat that.

Is that repeatable? Yeah. We would need to see it twice. I mean, that could be a one and done type deal. Do it to OJ again. Sentai really hates OJ. I'm filming a movie next week. She says.

The juice is choking. Not on my watch. No, you're not. She does it again, but this time the snake bites OJ on the arm. Oh, son of a... That's my actinol!

Fuck! Alright, I'm sold. Right, beautiful. Fantastic. Extremely effective. Right, right. Come, come up here. Let us get you some shoes, at the very least. No.

Sorry. I... I prefer not to wear shoes, at the very least. No. Sorry. I prefer not to wear shoes. It's a choice. Not because I don't own them. You want, like, a towel or something? No, thank you. But thank you. Are you just always wet? Sir, no. That is a very rude

question to ask of a lady, sir. Please, I will not stand for this. I'm so tempted to say this meme, but I don't know if I could... Can I say bad word on stream? Yeah. I'm not going to say it. Yep, say it. We've already crossed a bunch of lines.

I don't even know if you guys would know it. It's the pussy stay wet with the fan on. I'm glad you said it, because I have no idea what you're talking about. It's fun. It's fun. Anyway. That's Zuki. Oh, hi. She corrects you.

I'm not always wet. I'm not like a sweaty person or something. I was swimming. I just crawled up sweaty person or something. I was swimming. I just crawled up on the dock and I didn't have time to dry off yet. But you are always barefoot. Yes. Like shoes. Well, I mean, we just wanted to ensure that you had two things that we need out of people that we associate with on this boat.

We've got a lot of difficult times coming up, we think. Of course. As in the past. Two things we looked for. Character. You've got to have a lot of character and you've got to have a lot of class. So I'm interested in your character and class.

That's so interesting that you ask. Well, let me tell you a little bit about myself. This is still like we're yelling from the boat down to the dock. No, no. Still won't let her on the boat. Let me tell you

a little about myself. Can I come on the boat? Not yet. Okay. Fair enough. Fair enough. Don't know me. That's fine.

I'm from Keonin originally. Right, Keonin. Oh, yes, the land of the elves. Yes. But obviously I'm I was kidnapped, so I haven't been there in a while.

Right, we're not heading in that direction. I'm quite old. Are you? That's excellent. No, we're not. We're heading in the opposite direction. Oh. Okay. If you're still interested, I mean, I think we can work something out. I'm not trying to get back there. Honestly, I'm 190 years old.

I've seen quite a lot, so I'm sort of just happy to be free again, and I can go off and do my own thing. Where was the snake when you were being a thrall to some guy? Oh. They, um, they took him from me.

Oh. Does your snake have a name? Yeah, that's a good question. Yes. What might it be? Pepsi. Pepsi. Pepsi. That is incredible. That is incredible.

I have a strange fascination with Pepsi. And he pulls out the jar of homemade Pepsi from his satchel. I've got a whole jar of it, Leah. Look. That's incredible. What an amazing coincidence. I mean, this is for ordained. This is amazing.

This is indeed fate. Wow. I didn't know that Pepsi was a liquid. I simply thought it was a fun word to say. I wonder if Pepsi would like Pepsi. Maybe he could try it. I'd be happy to share some with him. Maybe he'd get along with the word out here.

And his tumour on the side of his neck starts squirming. Oh, you have a friend as well. I do. He's a bit shy, but he loves artificial Pepsi as well. Hopefully he'll love the real thing. Anyway, I don't really know what else to tell you aside from my druidic order, I suppose, which is wild. When I tell you, you're going to think it's crazy.

It's wild. My druidic order is wild. Oh, no. Oh, no. What is it? It's wild. I don't want to blow up your spot, but I know what wild druids do. That is awesome.

So we are going to learn what the order is uh yep and it's pretty wild um and uh metagaming wise just so you well not metagaming but outside gaming i took a feat which also gives me an animal companion so i get best of both worlds i get my animal companion i really built out this character in such a cool fucking way. So that is her. Such a power gamer. Shut up. Shut up. Shut your mouth. We already have team member who lives in the wild and can commune with animals.

So thank you for coming. But Xantar is already filling that position. Xantar, you were not in my vision. Were you not on the beach? No, I... And then he goes back to the crow's nest. I can tell when an animal is so embarrassed, they have to leave, and that seemed to be that sort of situation.

I'm so... I'm fine! Oh, okay Please, please, do come aboard Thank you, thank you A little help He's like swollen from the snake Walk it off He's got like sausage fingers

I told him not to use poison. You're not going to die. No more people on the boat. No, OJ, I guarantee you, you will not be asked to do such a thing again, unless one of us should die. Juice is tired. OJ, would you introduce me to the people on the boat? One by one.

One by one. Sure. And he does. And so OJ Simpson introduces you to all 25 people on the boat. She doesn't care. She does not ask for that. That was a joke. She doesn't give a shit.

She just goes, that's a lot of people on a small boat. He's actually like Norberg now on Naked Bad. He's on a wheelchair like a head bandage heroin prank so Sarasuke I've written your name as

Sarasuke Sara on World 20 that's even better Sarasuke Sara joins the crew maybe a little reluctancy on the part of some of the crew members to see this sopping wet elf stroll, slosh on board. And having seen what you did to OJ Simpson, there's a bit of fear amongst the people who are afraid of such magics. They are but simple fisher folk. But you come aboard. Or maybe one of them is a senator.

We'll never know. I don't know. I feel like the Grey Gardener would have picked them out. But they're gone. And now Suki is aboard. A couple hours later, you see Skywyn return with whoever she went with. I think it was Dinky and a couple others. She comes back

and the first thing she sees is Ethel and Suki aboard. And she's like, Alto, Atticus, Xantar, a word.

Aye, aye, Captain. Who are these people? Well, we've come into contact with a few others we think can be effective in defending the bird, rather more than this lot. A sword we've hired in Ethel Merman. He's is a mercenary and he is quite skilled with magical blades which one's ethel the wet elf or the ethel is the uh small weak looking man the gaunt uh yes he's where he's actually an enormous he's actually rather yeah he just happens to wear glasses. So, I'm sorry, myopia renders people weak in your eyes, Joe. Yeah.

A tiny man there. He is. Help us. I know he doesn't look it. He looks like he's only good for whittling. But he can do so much more. And the elf, she, was on the beach in... It wasn't called Riverton, right? We're in Riverton now.

No, you're in Debril now. Oh, it was Riverton, yeah. She was on the beach in Riverton, a thrall to that maniac. I don't understand. We left them behind. In fact, we saw him drown one of his companions. Yes, she escaped in the distraction and swam

for several miles, flew for some as well. She is quite an incredible creature, a druid. A druid, he lowers his voice. I see. Have you talked to them and questioned them and feel that their desires are true? Yes, well, his desires are simple enough. He wants money. He's trying to get a divorce or something.

He owes alimony, I don't know, child support, something of that nature, and he desperately needs the cash, which to me is the most trustworthy way to get people to go on these sort of adventures. And she has been stolen away, kidnapped, and far from home for very long. She is just looking for sanctuary, and I'm sure that you'd be willing to offer it, knowing the kind of captain you are.

Yes, well, perhaps this is a blessing, having lost two members of your team, to bring two more on. What happened to O.J. Simpson? He was tested and found wanted.

Right, well, I'm back. I think we have enough supplies here that should last us a good ten, maybe even fourteen days. We'll see. The next leg of our journey will move quickly if the currents go our way. So let's board up

and leave. Were there any other problems? And she's like now coming aboard. Eyeing the new people. We did have one other visitor. A grey gardener in fact. Yeah, I mean she was looking for some senator.

Gargamel. Emilio. Emilio Gargamelian. A fat man. A fat fool. Portly fool. Portly fool. And she thought he was aboard our vessel.

No, she simply was checking every vessel is the my understanding I say yes the grey gardeners are not to be trifled with I'm surprised she found issue or they I didn't know it was a woman found issue with our vessel

did she come aboard and search did she question you she did she came on board and she went all through and talked to all 48 people. She seemed satisfied that this person was not on board the boat, but it was a bit nerve-wracking for us, I'll tell you that. She did not find me, Boat Queen. I hid in the crow's nest. That's true. I hid in the crow's nest. That's true.

Good, good. They are most of them magic users. They have strange sorceries that they can use. This is all the more reason for us to hurry and leave. We don't want to cause any trouble here in this lawless nation. Let's go. Diggy!

And you raise anchor uh within the hour within like 40 minutes and you're off and uh you know

maybe that night is uh there's some time spent where she uh she calls in Ethel and talks to Ethel to get to know you a little bit

she likes to know the people on her boat so that she can judge you to be trustworthy she does the same with Suki. So where are you from originally? I'd like to know.

And she tells you and goes into her whole backstory. And it's a real good story that she tells you. And Suki, if you ask any of those questions, she regales you with tales of her time in Chelliacs. What's the nicest thing you've ever done for someone? For a stranger. For a stranger. I left these

50 thralls upon board here. We're currently in the middle of the nicest thing she's ever done. Have you met the edge lord? I killed a guy for free. Sharky says, Troy dodging like he's in the Matrix Deflecting roleplay Deflecting roleplay

Well done So yeah You were kind of off again And she doesn't have Any Stop in mind right now She's really trying to make good time here where she had to add that stop in Riverton. You obviously lost time when your friends passed.

So now she wants to try and make up for lost time as best she can. You're about, at this point, 610 miles and 52 days into your journey. So if you, you know, hoping that the boat isn't molested again, you can dig back into your research of the next dream journey. And you had been learning a few things about this next one. The next item on the list is, I believe, an idol of a lizard. Let's see what

I have here in my notes. A green stone idol of a water lizard. So you were looking into that. Bo-Kruk. Yes. You found out that the water lizard wasn't a lizard at all it was indeed

Bokruk a great old one unimaginably powerful great old one that is what this statue is a representation of days pass and you learn some more things you find in the Count's notes a horrid treatise collating rumors of all the Great Old Ones, asserting that Bokrug lived in a vast, unnamed lake somewhere in the dreamlands and

there was a race of alien creatures who founded a city called Ib Ib on the shores of this lake long long ago and they built this city to

worship Bogruk it was like built on this lake because they believed that the great old one, Bokruk, resided in this lake in the Dreamlands. And so they landed there and they built this city of stone to worship Bokruk. And this idol of green stone was central to their rites. You continue reading, and you find this,

several quasi-historical dissertations relating how Ib was destroyed by proud and warlike humans who were disgusted by the aliens' bizarre rites and unusual physiognomy is what it has here they didn't like the way they looked um and these humans were from a city called sarnath and after they destroyed ib the folk of sarnath carried away this strange green idol that was a big part of their worshipping rites and they housed it in one of their temples. But evidently very soon thereafter

the idol disappeared even though all of Ib all of Ib's inhabitants were wiped out. The idol just up and disappeared. More days pass and luckily even though quarters are cramped,

there's no more people signaling for help that then attack you, and you're able to really dig into this research, and you find the proper phrase to use the Dreamlands excursitual to take you somewhere. Now rather than I learned the hard way in Nashville rather than just having you all roll these things and fail and then roll and fail I have all your information

so I rolled everything to determine the results. I also got rolls from most of you as well to kind of see in the middle what would happen. So you failed the first night, but you don't critically fail. You failed again the second night, but don't critically fail. That's about right.

You came very close the second night. But on the third night, you succeed. Now, how do you explain this process? I was going to say, we have to roleplay this for an extended period of time. So, where are we going exactly? We discussed this very briefly on

when we first met, but now we are getting into the nitty gritty. This is... Suki, you really should be here too. Oh no, I already know about this. Oh, you do? You know about all this? Well, I mean a bit.

I do study dreams, of course. Are you just trying to end the show in two hours? Because well played. I seem to know all the information. Yada yada yada we do the dream, yada yadda, fight the beast or whatever.

Suki. Yes. Have you... Your magics, they are prime in nature. Have you ever crossed over into anything like the dreamlands? No, not actually. I mean, I've astral projected. No, not actually. I mean, I've astral projected, I studied zodiacs, astrology, dreams, you name it.

I've had plenty of time, and I thoroughly enjoy the work, but I've only really dipped my toe, you know, scratched the surface. And then I got kidnapped, and that took a lot of time away from my studies. So I feel kind of giddy to dive back in, but I don't know much about the dreamlands. Is it one of those, if you die in the dreamlands, you die in real life scenarios? No. It can mess you up, but you won't die in real life. Be wary, elf woman.

Long was I trapped in the dreamlands, suffering indignities at the hands of strange fell creatures. Be wary! Let the doom that came to Xarna fall upon you. Why would you do that? And he scratches himself. I don't mean any disrespect, but could someone explain Xantar maybe a little later? Does he talk like that because of the Dreamlands?

Probably. Or his language center is somehow left undeveloped by his time in the Dreamlands. He is simply not as civilized as you. Me-am way of talking very inconsistent. Is he really a king? He is, yes. Yes, and he would prefer it if you referred to him as your grace or your majesty. Ah.

Yes, and no direct eye contact. Oh. Except under the most extreme circumstances. Only speak when spoken to. He spends a lot of time in the crow's nest so that his head can remain above ours. Just make sure your head never rises above his height. It will be most difficult for you, Suki.

You will probably mostly have to crawl around on deck. I also make extreme eye contact. I've been told before it's uncomfortable at times. And she makes extreme eye contact with everyone. Piercing green eyes. If he's a king, what is he doing here with us? He is temporarily deposed. He searches for his mother.

He's a pretender king. He's in exile. I protect these weaklings from the predators of the dreamlands. I protect these weaklings from the predators of the dreamlands. Without me, they would long ago have had their souls stripped from their bodies. Was it not I who rescued the last artifact? Yes, it was your grace. You see what happens, Ethel, when you get him riled up.

Getting him worked up. My apologies, your grace. I didniled up. Getting him worked up. My apologies, Your Grace. I didn't know. I was just curious. I bow to you and respect your sovereign majesty over the zoogs, was it? Zoogs. Yeah, correct. The point is. I kind of climb kind of up onto Ethel Merman a little bit, kind of just asserting dominance for a moment.

You climb onto Ethel Merman? Yeah, you know, like... Are you humping my shoulder? I'm picking things out of your hair. So this... Once he begins, it's best to just let him finish. Yeah, okay. And this is like Dreamland's behavior, this kind of thing?

Can I expect this? No, no, this is the real world. This is Zug behavior. Suki slow blinks at Xantar to see if he'll respond like a cat. She's trying to figure out what animal he's most related to. And she looks in slow linking respect and submission.

Yeah, when Suki gives eye contact to Xantar, he sort of can't and then he kind of, he does crawl away like under the bed like a cat. Suki takes note. Interesting. I'll try dog next time, perhaps The point is, Ethel, Suki Once we cross over

The ritual is very intense It does not always succeed And there is a great danger in even attempting it So be on your guard should we fail But should we succeed We will enter a realm that is Not reality, but will feel quite like it. There is a certain intoxicating feeling to it, the invincibility.

But do not be too taken in by it. A death in the Dreamlands has lingering effects in the real world. It is mental damage that you take. Do you feel pain if you get hurt in the Dreamlands? You do. It's hard to explain. There's also euphoria. It hurts so good.

It does. It's so good. Come on, make it hurt. But you also may, you must be prepared to see things that your mind cannot quite comprehend in there. And what exactly are we looking for? Sorry to interrupt. I'm just a bit confused about your end goal. We are collecting certain artifacts

so that we may reach one who knows more about our past. Aldo and I both suffer from amnesia as a result of some of these dark magics. We seek to learn our past. And the man who knows it is in Kazimir and has already, it appears, perhaps, crossed into the dreamlands more permanently. We need these artifacts so that we can make the journey ourselves. Uh, great. Thanks for all that. Uh, follow-up question. So our bodies are just gonna sit here, on the boat.

Yes, have you seen Inception? Yes. Uh, I have seen Inception. Uh, that was a good one. Yes, have you seen Inception? I have seen Inception. That was a good one. I was a little confused by the multiple layers, but is someone going to come down here? Pancake in basement Betty shall protect us. That was my question.

Can we trust any of these randos on your boat not to stick our hand in a bowl of warm water or worse while we're going through this? No, hasn't happened yet. So far they've been trustworthy so I think they've proven themselves and just have to have a little bit of faith. My old chum chucks him on the shoulder.

His giant trapezoidal shoulder. Pancake comes rushing down. Did you guys do your ritual yet? I'd like to be in a separate room when we do the ritual, with a lock from the inside. Let me know when you go to sleep. Silence, Pancake. Back to your place.

Pancake, that's back. I'm sorry. Silence, Pancake. Silence, Pancake, I'm sorry. Silence, Pancake. Silence, Pancake. Pancake. No, what I believe is not only that they respect us and are appreciative of our saving them, but I believe truly they fear us. They fear what goes on down here.

The captain herself is quite discomforted by it. But she knows it is the cost of our passage. Well, um, I guess we should go, right? Yes. No time like the present. Tonight I feel we will definitely succeed at the ritual. I have a good feeling about tonight as well, Elycus.

Correct. And you fail that night. You son of a bitch. But the third night, I think at this point, Suki and Aether are like, oh yeah, sure, the dreamland excursion ritual.

Hey, it's their money. They want me to stand there where we hold the little tiny staircase. Yeah, the first night it just goes around and it's still really tiny. And you told them this whole story, oh, it's gonna get bigger, and then you drop it. Oh!

Damn it. But the third night, sure enough, they begin. And they pass it around. And Suki and Ethel, you see this little tiny wooden staircase, and by the time it comes around to you, it's like grown four sizes, and you're holding it with two hands and having to leverage it while you recite the words that they told you, and then they hand it over again,

and it's like holding a boulder until it comes back around to the last of you who drops it on the floor and there's a staircase just leading down into what you would assume is the sea but aldo and atticus and xantar have now taken these the stairwell several times so they walk down perhaps beckoning you to follow. And you do. And immediately when each of you enter the stairs, you turn back around and you don't see any of your companions. People that were right there behind you are gone. And you're just walking down. You feel like you should be underwater, but it's just a staircase that keeps going and it's made out of like knotty, knobby wood and eventually it's like carpeted and it looks to be this like purple with gold filigree on the end, that stretches out until each of you find yourself in an opulent feasting hall,

packed with thousands upon thousands of people enjoying a grand feast. It looks like some sort of festival is happening. There are high arched windows on three sides of this chamber, as far as you can see. I mean, the space is huge and you're just immediately packed in by people. There are golden torches affixed to the walls, illuminating this festive throng of people. You look up and you see balconies crowded with people, staircases winding up and over the vast hall. Looking around you, all the attendees are draped in garments

sewn from gorgeous silk, satins and velvets. Their arms and their necks are hung with gold bands, and some of them have these headdresses that go all the way up, studded with jewels with bright feathers coming out. You see tables of rich foods and intoxicating beverages lining the walls, drawing these partygoers who are like gorging themselves on the offerings and huddled closely in small groups. And even as your eyes begin to adjust, intimate embraces.

In fact, as you really start to take in the scene, almost everywhere you look, people are either stuffing themselves full of food, like too much, too much food, or locked in like a carnal embrace. If you see into any shadowy hallways, you see people having sex in the hallway and like lots of people. It is not an orgy. It is just a full on bacchanal.

And the guests who aren't engaged in either of those two things are at least locked in some sort of drunk conversation while everyone else is dancing, dancing to this, the otherworldly tones of an orchestra that you do not see that's composed primarily of flutes, pipes, drums. It's this weird, unsettling, discordant music that everyone is way into. You think back, those of you that were at the Viscount's Ball, by comparison, that was just as crowded and obviously problematic, but in much more subtle ways. It was

still a solemn, courtly affair, whereas this is just an unrestrained bacchanal. I smell the scent of rutting. Rutting and hot dogs. Yeah, I take some food off the table and eat it. It is delicious.

I got turkey leg dripping with grease down your chin, and you are just prompted to tear into it while your other hand is grabbing the other one. You can't get enough of it in your mouth. It's so good. I had mentioned there were some windows on three of the walls, but you see the north and northwest wall of the ballroom that you find yourself in. There's no windows, and in fact it's constructed of what looks like thick slabs of stone that just go up. It's much taller than the rest of the walls that are abutting it. It goes up and up.

There's no adornments, no windows whatsoever, just the torches that are all about. You do see what looks like a plain stone staircase carved into the middle of the wall, but it's partially concealed by thin screens kind of like a casino, they don't want you to see the exits and as each of you just find yourselves

in this space you look around and you don't see any of your allies you are just alone in this party interesting You are just alone in this party. What do you want to do? Interesting. I mean, there's thousands of people, and you're alone.

Suki is fascinated because she studies dream lore, and now to be in the dreamlands, like viscerally experiencing the dreams of many, the dreams of someone, an unknown person. And she's kind of like muttering as she walks around. She's like, it's fascinating. Food often represents emotions in dreams. And here we have a feast that would represent the overindulgence,

the greediness, the selfishness, and the carnal lovemaking, of course, adds up. And she's just like muttering and like is fascinated by this and doesn't even realize that she's not with the group. Completely forgot about them. And she's like enthralled. She's just like, oh, wow, what's behind this? She just walks around.

Xantar, you're still chowing on that food? He's climbed onto the table now. And no one gives you a second look. There are three other people on the table as well just pouring gravy on each other. Oh, wow. That's pretty awesome, honestly. A little jealous of us.

I approach and sniff at the people pouring gravy on each other and try to see if they appear to be under some sort of spell, whether they seem completely conscious or zombie-like. Give me a perception check. Yep.

Let me do that. I got it, I got it. One of them's pouring a little gravy bowl, the other one's doing it. Do it. Perception check. Oh, come on. Oh, there we go, 15. 15.

They appear to just be really intoxicated, and they find this to be hilarious. And if you come over and start smelling them, they just, like, splash a little gravy on you. and start smelling them. They just like splash a little gravy on you. I just join them. You just join the gravy. Sure, gravy, it's delicious. And it's so good.

I mean, it's just like warm, but not too hot. It doesn't burn your throat. It just goes down thick, and it feels so good mixing with that turkey leg. And they're in it and it starts to get a little sexual. Between them, they're not sure where you stand on that but clearly the invite is open. Let's roleplay this fully.

One of them reaches into your pants. No, it's it seems like the invite is open if you wanted to join them. I think Xantar's not quite that bestial. I think he'sar's not quite that bestial. I think he's wary. He knows the Dreamlands are filled with ruses and tricksy illusions, and he sort of backs away when it gets that serious.

Gets a little steamy. They start ripping each other's clothes and pouring gravy on it. It's a food sex party. Ethel, this is very new to you, I imagine. Maybe not what you signed up for. Yeah, I think Ethel's a little bit wary of everything and suspicious.

So I think when he realizes he's lost his companions, he's just trying to play it cool and keep his eyes out for anything that might point to the little green statuette that we're looking for. Can I roll a perception to see if I see anybody wearing anything?

Yeah, absolutely. Or if I see it in the decoration, perhaps. Cracked eye. Okay. Natural 18 for a 33. Nice. You look around, and as I mentioned, there's a lot going on, a lot of people. It's hard to really take stock of anything.

It's hard to see over the crowds. But you don't see any idol on display or anything that really stands out. Like they're worshiping something. They just seem to be having a big old party. It's a lot of people. It's almost uncomfortably packed in here. It's hard to maneuver around. in here. It's hard to maneuver around. As you're standing there,

maybe a guy with a big Ambrose Burnside handlebar mustache comes up to you and goes, you having trouble too? Finding a partner, as it were? Listen, man, after my last divorce, I'm just not interested. Not right now.

It's just the pain just hurts too much. It's your heart, just hurts too much. It's your heart, right? They rend your heart open. And then what are you supposed to do? Go on and move on with your life? I mean, that's your heart right there. No, no, no. The best medicine you can take is more of the

good stuff. You know what I'm talking about? I've been trying all night and striking out. Have you considered it might be your facial hair? I don't want to judge. Oh, are you kidding me? This is the ladies love this. The men too!

Perhaps you and I could go into a hallway and see what happens. Now, thanks for the invitation, but like I said, Hart ripped our open pain, lingering effects of, you know, being in love with someone and then them telling you they're not in love with you anymore. It's deep. It hurts deep, man. He leans forward. You can smell wine and liquor on me.

He's like, I could be your heart's medicine tonight. That's very kind of you. Actually, I'm looking for somebody who might know something about a lizard. Lizard! Now we're talking! I don't know anything about a lizard. Okay.

I'm going to go over there. Told me! Good luck. Humping a roast beef. What is Aldo doing? Aldo is sort of just walking down the rows

of people. G'day? Hello? That looks a bit uncomfortable, eh? He's just going by. of people just like pass by G'day? Hello? Oh that looks a bit uncomfortable eh? He's just like gone by and I'm going to do a perception check as well. Okay. That is

a 28. Okay what are you looking for in particular? I am looking for any evidence of this idol we're looking for in particular i am looking for any evidence of this uh idol we're looking for okay so you two try to take stock of this room and same as ethel you don't really see anything matching uh you know an idol of a green idol of a green water lizard or anything like that there's nothing jumping out at you however you do see a woman uh looking at you and she has like blue There's nothing jumping out at you. However, you do see a woman looking at you

and she has like blue stained teeth because she smiles at you. She's completely bald except for like a little round circle of hair and she just smiles and she walks over slowly towards you. It almost looks like she's draped in like a bunch of handkerchiefs that you can almost completely see through.

And she points at you. Doesn't get too close, but she's like, you are not from around here. No, good eye. Yeah, good on you. No, I'm actually just visiting. Yes, visiting. visiting yes visiting in fact you aren't even from where you're from

is Yuna correct Yuna is it well yes I suppose it's one way of putting things do you know

who you are it's a complicated question, I have some idea. You seem to know a lot yourself. You seem to pierce the veil of what I'm... Where are you from? She looks at her handkerchiefs as you say veil. Yes, yes, pierce the veil. I see something in you.

So many people here, yet your voice is calling to me, screaming to me. Are you sad? Well, I mean, we all have our days. But, uh, no. I mean, I'm generally a fairly upbeat person, I think. Do you think you would be more happy if you went home? And he thinks about it for a second.

He's like, Ooh, uh, yeah, I mean, there would be, uh, benefits to going back and drawbacks.

I mean, uh, yeah, I could do, but I'd, I'd hate to at the same time. I've got friends here, and you see some of them waiting over there. I'd hate to leave them in the lurch.

Hmm. But what of your other friends? The ones you left behind? They must really miss you. Friends. What were you going to say? they must really miss you France what were you going to say? yeah he gets he definitely is

homesick but he's also a very much a wanted man back where he's from and she just like closes her eyes and like again lifts her hand towards you. Now getting a little bit closer and she's like... She misses you. She calls for you when she's awake.

And when she's asleep. Why did you abandon her? Why? Anyway, he's shaking his finger at her. He says, alright, now you just hold on one moment. Where are you getting this from? Who have you been talking to?

I don't talk to anyone. I just listen. She starts to walk away, blend into the crowd. He's like sweating a little bit, like looking around. He pours himself he grabs a cup off of one of the tables he pours himself a little

homemade Pepsi takes a little bit of a sip he's just sort of like patting Werner like in his goiter then we cut to Atticus and Atticus your mind has been addled ever since you left the necropolis in the dreamlands where you died and you awoke on the material plane with this nagging feeling of a delusion that this new person that was brought aboard, Ave Maria, was out to get you.

But now that you find yourself here in this party, that feeling, which was still lingering even after her death, is completely gone. You don't feel delusional at all. Do I recognize that it's gone, or I just don't think of it? You just feel like confused. Kind of like, wait, you know like you wake up from a dream and you're like, wait a minute, was that, am I dreaming still

or is that still real? That moment where you can't quite suss out. Was I ever mad at her? Maybe I just dreamed that I was mad at her or thought that she was evil. And now you find yourself

here in this party and people are taking an interest in you because you're the only rat folk at the party. This is exactly where I was going to change things up here. Um,

can I get out of sight? Like, is it possible to just like casually slide behind a curtain or into a small, whatever, a room or cubby where there isn't prying eyes? Oh yeah. I mean, I've been watching a lot of house of the dragon.

Uh, you know, it's like being at one of those, uh, brothels in King's Landing. You're just walking through these hallways. It's just people making love in the darkness. There's silhouettes. He, first thing he's going to do is quickly, he's going to cast Mage Armor on himself. When he sees that he's alone, he feels a little unprotected. So he's going to cast Mage Armor on himself. And then can I, I want to do something that takes 10 minutes of preparation. Can I have like 10 minutes to do something?

Yeah, you know, from time to time, people might come and proposition you, and you can wave them away. And if you get involved in some sort of casting, if anything, you'll draw a small crowd, but people are so wrapped up in what they're doing, you're away from the main action, and it's dark. Mm-hmm. Okay, so this comes from my arcane thesis like my first level wizard like you choose a path

like when you first start and this comes from my arcane thesis and i've never used it and it's it's an ability called spell substitution so i can take 10 minutes and unprepare any spell slot and prepare something else in that slot from my spell book. And so what I want to do is I want to, like taking this all in and feeling alone, not knowing where I am and seeing that I'm the only ratfolk, I want to unprepare Invisibility Sphere, which is a third-level illusion spell that hides you and all your allies in like a sphere. I want to unprepare that and I want to replace it with illusory disguise heightened to third level, which will allow me to completely change my appearance,

my scent and my voice, and even allow me to like imitate an exact person. But in this case, I don't have an exact person to imitate, but I just want him to walk back, do this, like, you know, this preparation and then cast illusory disguise and walk out as like a

halfling basically. Okay. Like, uh, not a rat folk and completely different voice completely different look so he comes out and he's like he's got like these you know well dressed and uh kind of done up but he's got like this like you know 70s hair is like this long blonde hair that's like kind of in his face and a little scraggly and he you know bright blue

eyes very attractive and he just starts like walking through you know back to the party can I do all that yeah absolutely okay that 10 minutes passes you're able to take on the guise of a halfling and when you walk out you're

immediately accosted by someone who walks by and looks at you and says, You! Why aren't you celebrating? Look around you, everybody's eating and drinking, and you look like you could drive us home in a horse carriage. I'm just, I'm behind on drinks. I had one and I lost my cup. Where can I get another? Can I get some wine? Where's the wine? There's just wine everywhere! Please! And he just grabs, like, from

a table, a full glass of wine that was sitting there, like most parties in my house at the end of the night. Here! Drink this! Cheers! Cheers! To the wisest city in Manasana! Wine goes all over your hands.

Right, and he puts it up and just dribbles it on his face and onto his clothes, but doesn't actually drink any of it, just kind of splashes it on himself and acts like he's inebriated. And he's just like, It's my first time at the palace. My first time! It's your first time at the palace? And you picked this year to come celebrate?

Yeah. That's insane. Well, if you're going to pick a year to come, this is the year because we're celebrating the 1,000th year since the destruction of the city of Ib. It's a celebration that happens every year. But tonight, tonight is the millennial celebration. This is why there's tens of thousands of people who've come to Sana for a party that stretches all over the city. How did you get into the palace? If this is your first time, usually newcomers are left out in the tents outside.

To be honest with you, I think I've had a bit too much to drink. I don't really even remember. I was with some friends. They got me in, I think I've had a bit too much to drink. I don't really even remember. I was with some friends. They got me in, I think, but then I lost them. I was having a good time with the last there in that little... You know. Badass. You know.

And I lost track of my friends, and so I'm just kind of alone now. Where are you headed? I'm just looking for a good time. That's what I'm doing. I've had a little bit too much to drink, so now I'm going to have some more to eat, and then I'll have some more to drink, and just rinse and repeat and see where I end up in the morning.

Well, I'll do the same. All right. High five. Oh, it's coming. And he walks away. And he's turning. he's looking around. I mean, like, I know it's... I'm going to roll a perception.

I know it feels kind of, like, fruitless, but I'm going to do it. Okay. Because he's looking around, and he's looking... That's a good roll. He's looking for any indication of, like, an upstairs or a cordoned-off area or a forbidden area or anything like that,

just peering around. That is a 30, 30 perception. Well, I was ready to cut to Suki, so I will say that you see Suki as you're looking around, and you two make eye contact with each other. Well, she doesn't know me. She doesn't know. Oh, that's right.

So you see Suki. She doesn't see you. And you're looking around, and I mean, this staircase is going all the way up, and there are people just draped over them, either drunk or in the throes of passion. Nothing seems to be off limits. The only area that doesn't seem to have much egress is that staircase that's partially hidden behind screens. You've seen a couple people come and go from there, but for the most part,

it doesn't look like anything's really off-limits here. And then from what you've heard from this guy that just high-fived you, this party goes out of the palace and stretches through the entire city. So it's a free-for-all. All right, well, he's going to start making his way across to Suki once he recognizes her.

And Suki is he recognizes her. And Suki is looking through him, because she doesn't realize who it is, at the staircase with the screens. Because she's been kind of looking around and taking everything in. And it's in her mind, like the way the dream world is, she's like, the things that seem out of place are usually the mess up in the dream world. The thing they didn't want you to see uh that doesn't make sense so she's like it's so strange that there are these two main staircases and then there's this like other staircase you know that doesn't quite add up so she is starting to walk towards that and she's basically going to walk right by you joe she's just like moving through the crowd like looking straight ahead bumping into people doesn't care

he's like suki it's me it's atticus she looks down oh this is this is dreamlands atticus she goes wait if you look like that what do i look like no you look the same. That's how I could recognize you. Oh. Why do you look different? I didn't want to stand out. I don't like being around these people in my... Suffice it to say, it's easier to pass through undetected if you look like them. Understood. And she takes her hair and puts it in front of her elf ears and she says,

You see that staircase? Let me lift you up. She raises him a little bit. Lift me! Sorry. See it just fine. Sorry, you look like a child in this form, no offense. I'm fine. Are you going up there?

I don't know It seems odd Out of place And I thought I would go have a peek It is beckoning us, isn't it? Let's go Okay, where's everyone else?

I'll look around To see if I can see anyone As we go up a couple steps getting a little bit of height that is a terrible I got a 32 and I'm taller I'm taller than him

Suki what do your elf eyes see what do your elf eyes see you you immediately see Xantar, Xantar what You immediately see Xantar. Xantar, what are you doing? Xantar is... Oh, I don't want to know. Gravy?

Xantar is covered in gravy. And when the people made sexual passes at him, that just happened, and he's currently pushing them off the table and swatting at them with his hands and going, Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! So that's very, you can see that that's probably happening about 50 feet away from you. You see him standing on a

table and there's two people like half-naked covered in gravy giving him odd looks. We should we should go grab him. Yes. All my work to disguise us he seems upset he seems very agitated like a caged

like a caged rat I'm gonna go help him as you're walking towards Xantar and Aldo you're still kind of wrapped up in that weird uh conversation with uh yuna uh and ethel i'm kind of muttering i'm just muttering the burner like in my neck i'm having some unheard conversation with the hedgehog and what are you doing ethel uh at this point ethel

is just like leaning up against the wall next to these two people who are having sex and they're just going at it and he's just like and then she said she said look you can't tell me you can't tell me to fall back in love with you and I was like I know you're right that's true but at the same time we have children together so maybe we can try to work this out maybe we can go talk to somebody

that's it you want to work on this and they just are just kind of like uh-huh uh, uh-huh, uh-huh. While doing their thing. While having sex. While doing their thing. Maybe he sees what he's like, oh, I gotta go. You're busy. I'll leave you.

I'll talk to somebody else. Sorry, sorry. I don't mean to be such a downer. Ah, okay. You're all kind of wrapped up in your own thing. Atticus and Suki find each other. You see Xantar. You start walking in that direction. Aldo is talking to Werner.

And Ethel, maybe you even see Xantar's antics as well, above the din of everything else that's going on. But as all of that is happening, your conversations and the entire party is interrupted by shouts of terror that seem to be coming from above, on the balconies, on the staircases above. And the music that you hear stops, and you see panicked, screaming people

just pushing and shoving each other down these fanciful staircases and along the balconies. In fact, you see one body just boom, fall onto a table and fucking turkey and gravy and food goes everywhere. And then near that staircase

that Atticus and Suki were walking towards, you see this small rivulet of water start to spill, like, into the hall. And people are now, like, running down that staircase and crowding into the already overcrowded

palace ballroom. And, uh, let me see here. Da-da-da-da-da-da. Lost my notes. Oh, yeah. Guy's just like, ready, pace. He's like, the lake waters!

The lake waters! They've risen to the top of the seawall, threatening the entire city! And then all of a sudden, these, like kind of sickly green humanoid-shaped figures with strange-looking ears and, like, these big flabby lips. But they have an almost ghostly frame to them, like you can see through them. However, it does look like they have frog-like faces, yet only empty sockets stare from where their eyes should be. That is so scary. They just come floating into the hall and as they do so, they're just like

mauling partygoers with one strike. And somebody just like crumbles to the ground, crumbles to the ground, and they're just slaughtering people. Roll for initiative. Oh my god. Okay. While you roll for initiative. Oh my god.

While you roll for initiative, I will take you to the map! Whoa, whoa! Look at all the party goers. Oh no. I'll do a little zoom in on what these things look like. So it's like a more ghostly version of that.

This is more of a corporeal image, but imagine a more, like you can almost see through it. Their bodies are transparent and just like black sockets where I should be. And, you know, this is a representation of a scene here that is actually out of control.

And you'll see you are placed throughout the hall here. There's Xantar way down the bottom talking with the gravy sex couple. There's Ethel watching a couple people bang. Atticus and Suki are over here heading in the direction of the staircase, which is right behind those screens. And then Aldo, you're up here

in the northern part of the ballroom. What you couldn't see if this was a full map is like it would be 20, 30 times the size of this. But you guys were all right here. Xantar, what did you get? I got a 14. 14, okay. I wrote Sarah, but Suki?

Either's fine. I got a nat 20 for a 37. Whoa, 37. Somebody's going first! Atticus. Atticus got a 28. 28. Okay.

Aldo? I also got a nat 20 for a 31. Yo! Holy smokes. Ethel. Fanzonis. Ethel got a natural 19 for a 36. Jeepers!

Whoa! Amazing! Okay, so now this map is at best a representation of what's going on here, at least with the ponds that I put on here. Because there are so many people, and imagine several now dead bodies around the feet of these creatures, every square is difficult to ran. Because you're like climbing, pushing past people, climbing over bodies on the ground as they just

maul their way into the room. And again, this little rivulet of water coming out. And you realize now that this must be, this giant wall that was unadorned must be some sort of seawall. But, you know, that's why it's so tall, is to protect

the waters from coming over. And the fact that there's water coming in is very disturbing. But you have bigger fish to fry. And I believe we're gonna kick things off with Suki! Suki! Um, so I have, um,

wild empathy. Can I do a free action and say, like, I'm using my wild empathy to talk with the creature? Like, in a way, not talk, but like do a free action and say, like, I'm using my wild empathy to talk with the creature? Like, not talk, but, like, get a vibe. Like, are these creatures going to attack us? Like, what's the vibe? They're slaughtering everyone at the party.

I'm going to give this to you as a free action. What's the vibe? What's the general sense? You know what? You actually get the sense that they're going to kill everyone but you. That they're in fact going to make you their queen. All right. And you should side with them.

I'm new to playing a druid. I'm like, should I kill the animals? They're animals. They're not animals. Are they humanoid? They're not animals. Are they humanoid? What are they?

They're not animals. They're not an animal. They're incorporeal. Yeah. Oh. They're ghosts, basically. They're horribleporeal. They're ghosts, basically. They're horrible ghost frogs. Okay, she's asking the group.

She goes, oh, horrible ghost frogs. Okay, got it. Just making sure. She goes, dreams are crazy. And then she... They sure are. They sure are. Dreams are crazy, man.

She halves her hands together. And she's going to cast Electric Arc at the first two creatures that are closest to her, 25 feet in front of her. So the two gas directly in front of you? No. What do we do?

She says to Atticus, she says to Atticus, excuse me, pardon me, and she scoots him a little bit and then slaps her hands together and casts electric arc. And you have to make a 25 basic reflex. Okay, a little basic reflex. The first one fails with a 20.

And the second one fails with a 16. So not a critical fail. Amazing. But two failures. Nope. Okay, so failure, critical fail. Amazing. But two failures. Nope. Okay, so failure, you take full damage. So that's gonna be That's gonna be

16. 16 electric damage. Okay, so you fire off this electric arc. It jumps to the other one. And does it hurt them? Yes. Does all that damage go through? It doesn't appear to.

Like I said, you can see right through them. So you were able to damage them, but they are still pressing onward. Right as you hit them, they like lash out and rip at the face of this poor woman who is standing right there and her face just like is torn off of her body

and she crumbles to the ground. Just like, shaking. Any actions left? She's going to... That was two actions. She could move. Nah, she doesn't really want to move any closer to them She's gonna stay where she is

Wanna go talk to them and see what their plans are No, nevermind, forget it Alright, yeah, with the difficult terrain You would be very limited In how far you could go Let's see what old Ethel Merman Let's see if you hired the right dude For the job

Ethel, you're a little far away from the action here, surrounded by sexy people. It's true. Can I have control of my pawn on roll 20? I'll allow it. So Ethel is going to have to double move because of the difficult terrain to get to the amphibious fellow,

the southwestern amphibious fellow. So he's going to double move up there. And in the process, he will reach down into seemingly nothingness. And he will draw out his warhammer and his hatchet. And then... You should be able to control him now. Great. And then he gets there and he will take a swing with the warhammer.

Okay. That is a natural one. Oh, Matthew. I mean, I think you're months long. That's your start? That is your start in the campaign? I've been hot all episode. I've been rolling 17, 18, 19, and then natural one on the first day.

Nat one. That is going to be a fan fumble, which is universally beloved by the fan base. Which is why we continue to use them. There's no confirmation, right? No, no, no. We make up this as we go along.

You want to pick a city that will also not anger anyone? Yeah, let's go with Frankfurt AM. Frankfurt AM? Yes. There's two Frankfurts in Germany.

I see. I thought you were giving us the time. I just want to let you guys know, whenever you pick any other country, it's just Sweden. That's where the fumble comes from. Possibly the UK if you pick anything closer to the UK than Sweden. Sweden and the UK are getting badly overrepresented by our fumbles. Yeah.

Well, let's see what happens. I try to throw a bone to our German listeners. You got pretty close. All right. This one is from Christian in Denmark. Hi, Christian. There you go. All right.

Okay. Christian in Denmark. Hi, Christian. There you go. All right. Okay. Christian in Denmark. A Dane. A Dane. A veritable Dane. I implore you to reconsider. As your attack

whizzes past your target, you attempt to calmly say, I implore you to reconsider to dissuade your target from attacking. Your demeanor, however,

is panicked and frankly a bit overacted. Your target clearly senses a weakness in you and does not even reconsider. Your target gains two extra actions on their next turn if they attack you. If your charisma is at least 14, reduce it to one extra action. Believe it or not, Ethel Merman's charisma is only a 12. Oh, dude. So he gets two more actions? Two extra actions if they

attack you. I wonder. I wonder what Troy is going to do. That fan fumble is OP. Nerf that fan fumble in 2.0. Wow. All right. Thank you, Christian, you wacky Dane. You wacky Dane.

I'll remember that. In the meantime, it is Aldo's turn. Aldo, are you shirking out of this? Yeah. I hope this is right because I put the petrified condition on my hero lab sheet and I can't get rid of it because it showed up.

Petrified character shows up as an item in your inventory. And so I'm overburdened like wildly and I cannot get rid of this thing. So I'm going to see to my past. Okay. First, I'm going to do. Come on, Demi, play. Yeah. Hurry. We need you. Well, I'm out of the seat of my pants, but okay. First, I'm going to do... Come on, Demi, play! Yeah. Hurry!

We need you. So, I would love to do a lore check to see if I can identify something about this creature. Okay. Now we're talking. Yeah, give me a lore. Maybe religion, history? I'll do a history.

Okay. I'll do a history. That's a 30. Okay, these seem to be shades of the original inhabitants of Ib, these amphibian-like creatures that were just

worshipping the great Old One Bokrog. These ghostly forms have returned, perhaps to enact vengeance while celebrating the destruction of their city. As Atticus found out that that's what this is. It's the 1,000th year since that shit town was destroyed by Sarnath.

Yeah, fuck them! Well, now they're back, it seems. I can't tell you how perfect this setting would have been for Ser Juli. Yeah. The Bacchanal and the ghost and the ghostly enemies.

It's a perfect confluence of all of her interests. Also would have been great for a cleric. An unnamed cleric. Yeah, no, the cleric was bad. We all can agree. We all hated that cleric, so it's good that she's gone dead she was great whatever her name was but in the meantime something

important you need to know they have resistance to all damage five and except you know ghost touch force positive energy would break through that however any non-magical source, it's

resist 10. If you just go to stab it with a non-magical weapon, it's DR 10. Okay. So Aldo is going to move to a seldom-used pouch on his bandolier, and he's going

to pull out this little spring-loaded canister. And he shouts out, Act accordingly! And tosses this thing at the closest ghost to him. Okay. Oh, my God. Okay, that is a 34 to hit.

Oh, nice. 34 is a critical. hit. Ooh, nice. 34 is a critical. Yes! Amazing. Okay, where it's not a natural trunny, we won't do a fan crit, but that'll be double damage. Okay.

So I hit this thing with a ghost charge. Oh, nice. So that does ghost touch. It basically is the effect of basically is it just does positive damage oh positive okay great it's like a mixture of chemicals and salts and it's like yeah it's like salt on a slug

perfect so that is 12 points of damage 12 points of damage alright so that all goes through all goes through and then what about the people around him? Do they take splash damage? They don't, no.

Okay, great. Because I have the ability where it's like I can exclude people around. And they're just like, ah, as they're holding their clothes together. Yeah. Do you have any actions left or was drawing the second action? No, I have one more action. Okay. And I'm going to throw another ghost charge.

That's an action. No, I have one more action. Okay. And I'm going to throw another ghost charge. That's an 18. 18 is a miss. Okay. They will take one point of positive splash damage. It is now Atticus's turn. Atticus, you are a halfling.

Yes, I am. I don't... From what we were studying, I mean, these things, they hold the idol? Like, it was their people's idol? They worshipped the god of the

idol we're looking for? As you were reading through Lyle's notes, you found that long ago there was a city known as Ib, this civilization, and they had this idol that they would use to worship Bokrog, who they think lived in this lake. But then the city of Sarnath came over and just destroyed them, took the idol,

put it in their temple, like, as a war trophy, and shortly thereafter, the idol disappeared. This is all right out of Lovecraft too. This is all from like one of his really early short stories. All this stuff. It's awesome. If you're into that, it's pretty cool.

Uh, so, I mean, I'm just wondering if there's any, whatever, like, why don't we just kill these people with them? I'd be like, yeah, man, fuck these guys.

Let's go get that idol. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I'm trying to wrap my head around why these guys are the enemy. I asked Troy that, and you all made fun of me. And Troy said, they're killing everyone. And I said, okay. Why don't you try to parley with them? Maybe they won't parley, but you could try.

I mean, Sid, to be fair, your question was, are they trying to hurt me? That's a very different question than from what I'm asking. I know they're trying to hurt me. But yeah, I don't know. Parleying with them. Again, these are like, there are no eyes there. They just seem to be like.

Yeah. Okay, and he They just seem to be like... Yeah. Okay, and he'll just try to do damage. You're not wrong, though. These people are the Sarnath people, the assholes. Right, exactly. So, all right, well, I'm not going to... They don't seem, yeah, particularly intelligent. They seem like soldiers.

So I'm just going to go ahead and try to hit them. So Atticus is going to pull a whole tray of food and all of the many knives that it holds telekinetically and just try to slam it into them with a telekinetic projectile. Okay. Which one? The one that Aldo and Suki hit? Yeah. Same one that Aldo and Suki hit,

and you just see all this, like, this flatware starts flying through the air. Come on, buddy. Come on, buddy. Natty 17. That's a 32. What were you going to say, Skid? Dr. Bodnick reminds me that it is also

enfeebled one as a result of the ghost charge. Ah. Oh. Nice. That is an important difference. Remind me about enfeebled while I look it up. Well, enfeebled means that they're enfeebled. So it's a minus one to melee-based attack rolls, damage rolls, and athletics checks.

Okay. Great. All right, so they are enfeebled one, and then you are doing this now, even though it's telekinetic, it's not forced damage, right? Because you're actually shooting a projectile at it, right? Yes, yeah. It's bludgeoning. Bludgeoning damage.

Oh, wait. So the bludgeoning... But you did roll a critical, 32 is a critical So it's gonna be double damage but it's gonna take It's gonna take DR 10 Yeah, because it's non-magical Even though the source is magical Doubled it's 36, so it'd be 26 points of damage

Okay, and that is enough to kill Yes! In the shade And it's just like And disappears. Does that happen? Was that the one that was going to get two actions against me? Unfortunately, no.

That is the one right next to you. At the last. And I'm excited for him to go. But let's see. One of them is dead. That was number two. And now it is their turn. It is my turn still. Oh, pardon me. That was number two, and now it is their turn. It is my turn still, and I am

going to... That's okay, I'm just going to cast Shield and put up an Arcane Force Shield in front of myself. Okay, and does that stack with Mage Armor that you cast earlier? Yeah, it's a Shield bonus. Yeah, I think.

Yeah, Mage Armor's an item bonus. Got you. I'm asking just to be pedantic so we learn together. Yeah, I know that Mage Armor is an item bonus, and shield is a circumstance bonus. Okay. All right. This one standing right at the entrance to the, or like right with the screen's part leading to the staircase, will double move in the direction of Aldo and take one, because every square is difficult terrain.

And can they fly? Oh, yeah. No, they fly. So it's a single move. Yeah, they're just like, their feet don't really exist, they just float across the floor. And it will attack you with its racking touch. Ooh,

19 to hit. That is a miss. That is a miss. That is a miss. All right, I am going to try again with my second attack, and I missed with the second attack. Okay, okay. The one that is closest to Atticus will float over in the direction of Atticus

and also attack twice. First attack is, oh, garbage roll with Neon Green. 17. Miss, right? Miss. Okay, need a high roll here and a nat 2 on the second roll! I'm excited about these guys, too. It's the Arcane Shield.

Luckily, I have five actions now against Ethelmurpin. Oh, poor Ethel. It's gonna get rocked. I mean, your AC's got to be rock solid. I could have ten actions that, you know, the lowered penalty, the multi-attack penalty is going to get me. I never thought I'd say it, but I'm

thankful for the MAP. Here we go. First attack. Okay. 29 to hit. Yeah, that hits. A couple things are going to happen. First, I'm going to roll some damage. Only nine points of damage. However, you are now doomed one. We've never seen this, right?

For one minute, no. You have not seen the doomed condition. A powerful force has gripped your soul, calling you closer to death. Doom always includes a value. The dying value at which you die is reduced by your doomed value. If your maximum dying value is reduced to zero, you instantly die. When you die, you're no longer doomed. So now you die at dying. You're no longer doomed. So now you die. And die no longer doomed.

Your doomed value decreases by one each time you get a full night's rest. But should you survive this dreamland's encounter, it doesn't carry over to the material plane anyway. However, do you have die hard? Yes, I do. All right. So instead of dying at dying four now, you die at dying three. No. Instead of dying at dying five, I die at dying four. Excuse me, die at five, you die at dying four. Now you die at dying three. No, no. Instead of dying five, I die at dying four.

Excuse me, die at five, you die at dying four. However, if they keep hitting you and keep stacking these dunes, they could just straight up kill you. I just want to keep saying this.

Instead of dying at dying five, you're dying at dying four. A lot of dying. Instead of dying at dying, all right, second attack, probably going to be hard to hit, but I'm going to try it anyways.

Nah, 19 to hit. Yes. Okay. And then, I mean, I have these attacks, but I'm going to try it anyways. Nah, 19 to hit. Myth. Okay. And then, I mean, I have these attacks, so I'm going to try it because it's fun. I missed on that third one. And then on my remaining actions, I am, ooh, I imagine you have an attack of opportunity. That's all right.

I am going to attempt to fly away. Do you have an attack of opportunity? In fact, I do. Oh, nice. You son of a bitch. Nice. With the warhammer. Okay, there we go. 33 to hit. That is a critical. Is it a magical warhammer? It is a magical warhammer.

Well, shit sticks. Okay, so that is going to be 32 points of damage. Very good. 32 points of damage. Oh, very good. Baby! 32 points of damage. Okay. So you almost

immediately kill it. And then it just kind of slowly floats away right next to Sugi. With its remaining two actions. And now, finally, it is Xantar, king of the zoos, turn. Okay, they've all moved pretty far away from me.

The difficult terrain is due to water, not a stone? No, difficult terrain is just the throng of people, and some dead, some alive. Let me ask you this. I've got 20 foot of movement. Will that get me to one of them? Will that get me to one of them? It'll get me to one of them if there wasn't difficult terrain. Is it possible that Xantar can leap from table to table on their heads like the feral creature he is?

Using an acrobatics role. What kind of GM would I be if I said no? Of course. You already said you were on the table. So I believe it's going to be an athletics role. You're going to go athletics? That's fine.

Yeah, let's do athletics. And you're trying to get how many feet? I'm trying to get 20 full feet. If I get 20 full feet, I make it over to one of them. Alright, DC 20 then I'm going to get 20 full feet If I get 20 full feet I make it over to one of them Alright DC 20 then I'm going to say DC 20 Athletics to try and make that leap

From table to table Okay here we go Does that seem right? Is that working? That's fun I just mean the distance Oh yeah I'm fine with that Alright where are my 20 is the crow flies Here we go The distance. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah, I'm fine with that. All right. Where am I? It's 20 as the crow flies.

Here we go. He's rolling his athletics. Bang. Oh, crushed it. And that is a 36. Oh, my gosh. All right. You're able to.

Right there. And, yeah, and now he, well, he's got a rage, so he rages. And then he swings his great club. Okay. All right, swinging that great club. We're swinging that great club. I love this. All is one action.

You're, like, raging in midair and then coming down on this dude's head. Yeah, yeah. I think I literally my feet landed on like two people's heads before I leaped forward screaming. And then here comes the great club. And that damage is going to be

seven bludgeoning damage. Wait, what was the to hit? 27 to hit. 27 to hit. Okay, so not a crit, seven bludgeoning, and you, what was the to hit? 27 to hit. 27 to hit. Okay, so not a crit, 7 bludgeoning, and you don't have a magical club? It is. Sorry. It is a plus one great club of striking.

Okay. Sadly, that will only be two points of damage, but if it wasn't magical, it would have been zero points. Full of sound and fury, but unfortunately only two points of damage. I love that I roared at him.

I came down with a giant club and I just sort of skimmed his nose slightly. Well, you did land on top of two people. At least I hurt innocent people. Right. That's all my actions.

Alright, and I gotta mark the guy that is attacking Aldo is infeable, so I just gotta keep that in mind. Alright, that's the end of round one, and now it goes to Suki's turn again. Suki, you are now, you got one of these guys right on top of you. Yeah, she turns around and he had floated right up so silently.

And you see her hair, like, rush in front of her face and then it rushes behind her and blows back and she puts her hands out and she's just casting disrupt undead but it's a cool spell and it works in this situation so

make a DC 25 fortitude save DC 25 fortitude save assuming that they're undead I rolled a 26. Now, if it's basic, that's still gonna be half damage. Yeah.

Well, it would've been cool if I got all my damage. And then it's half damage minus another five? Or is that positive damage? What kind of damage? It's positive. Oh, perfect. Positive energy. Ooh, and I rolled, not terribly, 17. And that one...

That's a damage. Dies as well. Nice. Amazing. Yes. Nice. And it's kind of sad. The way in which they die,

it doesn't seem like they're reacting to your attack. It seems like they're reacting to a memory of another death as they, like, phase out of existence. That is incredibly perceptive of us to pick up on. Suki felt that. She felt that. They are reacting to another death.

I appreciate it. I don't think we get enough flavor on these things. I'd like a peek behind all the cool shit the GM gets to know. Can I do the most annoying thing ever, Troy? Remember my turn earlier? It was so long ago. Everybody think back. My raging would have given me two extra points of damage.

And I saw some people online saying, doesn't he get more damage for his rage? But I looked it up carefully, and I only get two extra points. Well, the good thing is people online are infallible. So I'll take another two points. I just want you to know, people online, I'm listening. I'm learning. I'm listening and learning, yes.

Like Matthew's former Alexa. Listening. Yeah, and learning. Okay. So two down down two left but uh so many of these fornicators and gluttonous fools are also dead but fuck them

um it is still Suki's turn Suki do you have one more action was that a two action or a three action that was a that is a two action all my spells are two actions um that was two actions she's gonna stay where she is. Okay.

Yeah, you don't know if these guys have some sort of reaction. Why risk it? You haven't taken any damage yet. It is Ethel Merman's turn. Ethel, you messed that guy up as he slid away. Yeah, but now he's dead, right? Is that the one that Suki killed? Yes. Okay.

Alright, so Ethel is going to... There's not much else he can do. He's just going to charge at the frog dude to the south. Okay, and this frog is going after this halfling who seems to really be hanging. You're surprised at this random party-going halfling that seems to be holding his own. The stout halfling.

Yeah, so Ethel's gonna have to double move once more because of the difficult terrain thing, and then he will take a strike with the warhammer. Natty 19. That's a 37. Yo, that's another crit, my friend.

Nice. Double damage minus five. 34 points of damage. Yes! I love this guy. I love Ethel Merman. He just has a hatchet in one hand and a warhammer in the other, and he's just like,

he's like this hulking guy, muscles rippling. He just starts charging a football player straight at this ghost and just takes a giant swipe with a worm. Yes! We were talking about Henry Cavill in Mission Impossible. Yet again, not reacting to your blows as it perishes. It almost seems like it's being struck

from all sides as it screams and disappears. There is one enemy left. Two actions to move up, one to strike? Yep. Okay. Let's keep things up, one to strike? Yep. Okay. Let's keep things moving here with Aldo. Perfect.

This one is enfeebled one. Can you take it out before it feebly tries to kill you? Okay. So he's sort of fumbling for another pocket in his bandolier as he pulls out this sort of clear glass bottle, and he shakes it, and it starts glowing with this yellow light, and he smashes it against this thing's face. Okay. Awesome.

Just... That is a 26 hit. That is a hit. Okay. That is... Ooh. Okay. That is... Ooh. Okay. That is

nine points of positive damage. Okay, that all goes through. Oh, wait, no. Ten points of positive... No, eleven points of positive damage. Final answer. No, ten. Sorry, ten points of positive damage. Ten points of positive damage. Sorry.

10 points of positive damage. 10 points of positive damage. And 7 points of fire damage. 7 points of fire damage. Okay. Great. Now, that's interesting. I wonder, I'm not going to slow things down, but I'm curious for myself, where those things come separately, does the resistance go twice, or is it just one combined mega damage and you only take the resistance once? Well, there should be any resistance to the positive damage.

Right, the positive all goes through, so then this would take five off of it, yeah. I'm just curious, when the damage comes from two sources, something to think about. Well, it's not. It's one source that does like two different kinds of damage. I see. Okay. All right. So all the positive gets through.

And then you said how much fire? Seven. Seven. Okay. Great. So we'll say two of that gets through. Great. And that was only one action, right?

That was actually, I believe it's two. This is bottled sunlight. So I pulled it up. I think it's one action to activate it and one to throw it. So I'm going to use my last action to throw another ghost charge. Okay.

So I love this. Aldo's just ripping these things out, tossing them. 23. 23 is a hit. What? Is it a hit? Six points of positive damage.

Six more points of positive damage. Six points of positive damage. And it, too, perishes. Oh, baby! Oh, God, that was... Man, we trounced these things. Trounced these things. Couple very important things. Number one, a week from Saturday,

we are at the Bell House in Brooklyn. Tickets are still available. This is our homecoming show. New York always sells weird. Like, people buy tickets at the last minute. We need people to come out. We're having, Sydney is away before. She booked the tour with us.

She's away and we didn't ask Jared because he lives too far away because we wanted Kate Stamis to be in the house. Kate Stamis is joining us. Who the hell is she going to play? You watching right now, Kate? I told her to watch so she could catch up on what's happening. Kate is going to be there. Please come out.

It is always a great night. Bars stay open until 4. It's a great time. Please come out to the bell house. That's number one. Number two. As these things perish and go down, like the crowd is now just running down and you hear people yelling about the lake waters,

how they've risen to the top of the seawall and they're coming over and threatening the entire city. And then the guy's like, and there's more of these forms. There's more of these forms climbing over the wall as well. And the other guy's like, yes, and one of them is holding aloft an ominous green

lizard statue. The city is doomed. We'll all be washed away. And this is a saying, like a crowd is pushing you all back, and they're all running away from the staircase. In fact, you notice that Suki and Xantar get, like, pulled back with the crowd. Oh, no! Are you okay? Sorry.

He's taking all of his chair. I'll see you in New York! Okay. See you in New York. See you in New York. That was a money-handing O'Bally. I don't know where my headphones are. We can say anything about it.

We're having an audition. Son of a bitch. Thanks for listening to the Glass Cannon Network. For more podcasts and live streams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. And for exclusive shows and content you can't find anywhere else, subscribe today at patreon.com slash glass cannon. Bye.