The Glass Cannon Podcast - Strange Aeons Episode 7 – Hooked on Phonics

Episode Date: June 1, 2022

Glass Cannon Nation celebrated Memorial Day weekend in style with another sold out show at Neumos in Seattle during PaizoCon weekend! The plot thickened as the heroes dug deeper into the mysteries of the asylum uncovering disturbing clues and events from both the past and present. Join Troy Lavallee, Joe O'Brien, Skid Maher, Grant Berger and Matthew Capodicasa as they tour the country playing the Lovecraftian Horror Strange Aeons Pathfinder Adventure Path. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/QEOpWNTrPcs Recap 10:38 Gameplay 16:30 For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for exclusive content and benefits, subscribe today at patreon.com/glasscannon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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You guys got the Space Needle. And the Space Needle. That's great. You guys got the Space Needle and the Space Needle. That's great. Now, come on. I will continue to shit on this one-horse town all night, but everyone knows that the Pacific Northwest

has the best Glass Cannon Nation fans in the world! It's true. It's true. What about New York? What about New York? What about New York? Now, I'm pretty fired up.

We are in the middle of PaizoCon right now. This is like our, feels like our eighth show we've done in three days. Sounds about right. We're a little punchy. We're doing a two a day today. It's like double second live show today. It's like double sessions, you know?

High school football. Stay loose. As usual, I have no idea what decisions these guys are going to make. But knowing this adventure path as I do, and I'm sure there's people out here that know this adventure path. Tonight has all the makings of a really fun fucking sesh. I'll tell you this much If I had better More creative And entertaining players

I could almost guarantee You'll get at least Half of your money's worth tonight That's my guarantee That's a pretty good number That's a pretty good number Get them, Troy Yeah, you

Give them hell, LaValley Thanks, Mom My mom, everybody My mom flew all the way up It's a pretty good number. It's a pretty good number. Get them, Troy. Give them hell, LaValle. Thanks, Mom. My mom, everybody. My mom flew all the way out to Seattle from Boston. She's a heavy smoker. Give them hell, Troy. It's like the third act of glory.

With one notable difference. Just one. If you close your eyes, it's pretty much glory. Now, I hate to be the rules lawyer of the group. I don't want to be that guy. I usually leave the rules luring to Joe. Because even though he doesn't know the rules of the game, he's exceptionally well at talking over and down to people.

So that's why we have him do it. That's, you mean like a lawyer? Like a real lawyer. Exactly. You speak confidently whether you know it or not, and it doesn't matter what you really know. Nobody's better than that than you. This is my nightmare.

But having done a half a dozen of these shows now, I feel like we need to set some Glass Cannon Live ground rules to really enhance the GCL experience for everyone, and not just the people that have been drinking since 9 a.m. that came here. Right? I think they're right there. It's mostly that group, it sounds like. Skid, watch your... Keep them in your peripheral.

I'll keep my good eye on you. I want you to enjoy this show in a way that you will tell your great-great-great-grandchildren about via hologram or something. Or, if you're like me and plan to be cryogenically frozen, you can tell them in person.

Wouldn't that be nice? Rule number one. Will you stop sending us shots? Please? Stop! Listen! Just send beer. You can't go wrong with an ice-cold Budweiser.

Right, Skid? I agree. Each of us could drink a case of beer and be fine, but do you realize there are people on this stage that are heavily medicated?

We don't need to take the express lane to Drunk Town. We can take the surface route. We can take the scenic route. Just take the scenic route. Be more enjoyable

in the long run. We don't need to speed our way to there, so please, just save your money. You know, just buy a bucket of Bud Light's. If at the end of the night there's 40 beers sitting on the stage, I feel like everybody wins. Yeah, I agree.

I'd like at least an 8.3% Imperial IPA, though. Very hoppy. You had to go there. So you guys know the best beers in Seattle, which makes the best beers in the world, right? Well, not everyone has the tolerance of a Frost Giant, Grant. It's a little inside

gamer humor. Any gamers in the audience tonight? Any gamers out there? Rule number two, and there's only two rules. Now, I can't pinpoint exactly when this happened. It was somewhere between Chicago and Albuquerque when the audience decided they wanted to be part of the show.

I have that same problem with Matthew and Grant all the time. But just like I tell them before the show, if you want to yell out and talk and be a part of it, be 100% sure that what you're saying is going to be funny. He literally says that to us. Otherwise... And then edits out his own duds. It's not a lot.

It's not a lot. They're not all winners. Be 100% sure. Otherwise, don't say anything. And that is why, thankfully, we don't hear a lot from Matthew and Grant on these shows. Oh, yeah. Oh, Troy, oh, Ripley.

They're hurt. They're not your close friends. Speaking of loud, obnoxious giants with hands the size of Easter hams, how are you, Grant Berger? I'm doing great. I'm happy to be in Seattle. I'm watching you, Grant Berger? I'm doing great. I'm happy to be in Seattle.

Yeah! Yeah! Woo! Grant, I think you could be one of those guys at Pike Place Market that could just throw the fish. Yep. Throw it, but not catch it, because I have no eye-hand coordination. No, but you'd throw it to fucking Vancouver.

Yep. Hey, B3, how you doing? Just like through an old woman's chest. Catch! Right through the chest. He's very strong. Matthew Capitacazza, how are you tonight? Matthew Capitacazza, huh?

I'm doing good, Troy. How are you? Don't worry about it. I say this everywhere we go, but I think you would do really well here. Why is that? Well, I'm just looking for you to move so I can you would do really well here. Why's that? Well, I'm just looking for you to move so I can replace you with any warm body.

Fair. So if one of these days you're like, you know what, you're right, LaVallee. I'm out of here. I can post an ad for looking for anyone that knows Pathfinder. This explains a lot of the past five years of my life. Yes.

Do you have a pulse and no pathfinder? It's a step up. His wife's in the audience tonight too, right? Caitlin! All right, there she is. Thank you, Caitlin. Caitlin, if you're going to scream yeah, make 100% sure it's funny.

Yeah. Is this a funny yeah or a so-so yeah? It's a judgment call. I apologize. He must disappoint you on a daily basis as well. Guys, guys. We were just talking about before the show, usually, as you all know,

Troy wakes up on the morning of a show and is just insanely cruel. He's like, gets going. That's how I warm up. But today he's been ultra pleasant and well adjusted. So I guess this is where it all comes out. I'm saving it.

Skid, how are you? Skid Mar, everybody. I'm great. Thank you. Thank you all. Skid, I imagine you were a big Seattle Supersonics guy Growing up Big Sean Kemp fan He's actually one of Sean Kemp's children Yeah that's right I'm one of his many children

I can't be right Do you know why they were called the Supersonics? Why? No I'm asking You're a fountain of basketball trivia Wait what was the question? Do you know why they were called the Supersonics? Why? No, I'm asking. You're a fountain of basketball trivia. Wait, what was the question? Why are they called the Supersonics?

Oh, because of the World's Fair or something. Is that true? Napoleon. It was because of Napoleon. It's probably because the Seattle Space Needles only sounded slightly stupider. Possibly. I don't know. A lot of Supersonics fans in the audience. I don't like East Coast guys

making fun of my town. Don't worry. That team doesn't exist anymore. I don't know why you're so angry. They want a team here. I don't trust any city that only has one professional team. That's just me. Yeah, but we got the 12th man here, Troy.

No football fans. And two professional teams. Not surprising at all. And two professional teams. No crossover between football and Pathfinder. Amazing. Try as you might, it has never worked. Joe, you old sack of potatoes, how are you?

I'm so good! I'm very hard on you. I think I'm hardest on you than anybody. I think you're hardest on Matthew than anybody. There's empirical evidence. They don't hear what goes on behind closed doors. That's true. I'm very hard.

But I woke up today and I said, I want to go out of my way to try and find something nice to say because you've been putting in a lot of work with the network and you've been working really hard and so I said I want to say something really nice really nice Mage armor, I just cast it

I know what's coming it's not a surprise round I woke up this morning. I was sitting in the hotel and I was like, I got two hours till I got to be somewhere. I'm going to figure this out. And I just ran out of time. I really didn't. I had to be somewhere and I

was racking my brains. You got a hell of a beard. I think it's an okay beard at best. That's not fair. It's a terrible beard I'm sorry I got nothing You know what?

In Indianapolis I'll have something for you Okay, thanks buddy Everybody warmed up? Yeah I'm ready, I'm ready There is just too much to do tonight We need to jump into

The pretend zeppelin. Fasten your seatbelts, Matthew. All right. Stow your tray tables, Grant. Okay. Sit in your upright position, skid. No, I'm asleep. Buckle up, dammit.

Let's get this show on the road. Let's jump. Wait. We are about to go on the journey of the imagination. Oh man. After spending days dodging vicious creatures and terrifying haunts, running around what you now know to be a place called Briarstone Asylum in Ustalav, you finally enter the relative safety of a chapel dedicated to many deities, chiefly among them the goddess Phrasma. The Lady of Graves.

The Lady of Graves. This chapel is full of survivors of a recent revolt, a patient uprising by followers of another patient of the asylum named Oliver Zandalus. Zandalus is. Praise, praise. Thank you. Praise, praise. Words fail.

They call themselves the Apostles in Orpiment. A woman by the name of Winter Klaxa, played by the incomparable Olivia Wilde. A sister of the Maiden's Choir Cathedral in Kalifas, she's gathered these survivors together, comprised of both former asylum workers and patients

who were able to find refuge when all this shit went down. She tells you what she knows, that she was here to investigate the whereabouts of Count Hasterton Lowles of Versailles County, who mysteriously abandoned his post and may have had dealings right here at Briarstone Asylum. She came here, consulted briefly with the administrator,

Dr. Eliage Losandro, and then got caught up in this madness, which has shook the very foundation of the building, opening a veritable rift between the dream world and the material plane. After impressing her, she then enlists the four of you to try and find a way out. They're running out of supplies, Joe. They're running out of firewood, Grant. The only way out she knows of is past

this wall, which is now covered with yet another manifestation of the fissure between worlds. You go to that wall, rip down the curtain which was hiding it from the children to reveal a blinking watery eye that also sprouts

fangs and cries ammonia as most wall eyes do. James, the rat folk, elder mythos scholar wizard, brilliantly, in very un-Joe-like fashion, conjures a mirror

image of the wall so that it sees itself and it then withers away to reveal a door leading to the admissions area of the hospital. There are several doors in this large, clearly once beautifully adorned room, including

the doors out. You pry those swollen doors open to reveal, not surprisingly, endless clouds of yellow fog that you've seen any time you've looked outside a window. Even the windows in the chapel, stained glass though they were, you could see this roiling fog. In the distance you see strange shapes moving about and the sounds of an endlessly churning stomach.

Before you can take it all in an enormous tumorous mass of hungry flesh comes oozing out of the fog, hell-bent on adding you to its pile. As the resident coward of the group, a disenchanter war

poor priest who we now know as best friend, he almost falls to the creature. But thanks to the timely firebombs of the mad scientist alchemist Sheila... G'day. Thank you. You're champion, mates. Thanks to your firebombs, its regeneration has slowed long enough for you to dispose of the creature and go back into the admissions area. But best friend, you're feeling a little off, like something was contracted from that run-in with the hungry flesh. Sadly, as you report to Winter, there is no safe exit out of the building

So you must continue your investigation of this place To figure out how and if there is a way out The next room you walk into looks surprisingly beautiful Artwork covering the walls A large picture window that must have once looked out on a picturesque view You saw it when you were outside. You saw said window. You also see a birdcage shaped like a mansion with taxidermic birds sitting inside, a stuffed elk's head above a hearth, and two dead bodies.

One was clearly beaten to death by someone or something, and one is impaled on the antlers of the elk above the hearth. As our psychic detective investigator misses old lady, as she stoops down to examine the battered corpse, you all get the sensation that the floor is dropping out from underneath you. Why don't we roll for initiative? Oh, no. Guys, you're only in Seattle once a year. Let's do a little niche.

Oh, no. Sorry. I'm very drunk. Incredibly drunk It's quarter after seven I know I got a late start, alright It's 10.15 back home James, what do you got?

Wow us 24 Boom Boom Shaboom! Mrs. Oh, lady. 19. How nice.

14. Sheila. Sheila also got a 19, mates. I have a plus two. Well, I've got a plus six, my lady. That's more. You just got chillin'. What about old best friend?

Best friend got her 12. Oh, you're my best friend. All right, I need everybody to roll. Roll a perception check. Roll a perception check. Roll a perception check. Skip, what'd you get? 15. 15?

Not bad. What about you there, best friend? 20. 20. James? 12. Mrs.

Oh, lady? 26. Oh, wow. 26. Skittles, what'd you get again, buddy? Mrs. Oh Lady A 26 Oh wow 26 Skittles What'd you get again buddy? 15 15 I hate

I hate that I hate that Please stop doing that Taste the rainbow buddy I don't want anyone To taste my rainbow They'll taste it And they'll like it

Oh alright Who got above 20? That would be me These two? Just exactly 20 Just exactly 20 Best friend and Mrs. Old Lady I ended last session by saying

Maybe all of you, or those of you who hit a reception Heard a cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep But Mrs. Old Lady and James hear that Cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep. But Mrs. O'Lady and James hear that cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep, cheep sound turn into the sound of like a screeching klaxon. And you get to act in a surprise round. I know what this is! Let's go to videotape!

It's a lot less exciting. All right, so this is the room. Best friend, you're standing right next to a door Leading out I would just open it and run out personally But I don't want to run your character I kind of do No Mrs. Old Lady, you have the floor here

Oh Yes, you have the floor So I Oh. Yes, you have the floor. So I got the sensation that the floor was dropping out. You got the sensation the floor is dropping out and that cheap, cheap, cheap sound started becoming super shrill like a much larger bird screaming at you. Do I have a sense of where that sound is coming from

with my 26 perception? No. But you wish you did. Fair. But the floor has not actually dropped out from under me. Do you look down? Am I standing on floor? What's happening in the room?

Is he Wile E. Coyote? Am I running in the air? And you hold up a sign. Yikes. You look down. You are still on the floor, but you're starting to feel lighter. I feel like I'm falling. Yes. Can I do a knowledge check to see what might be happening? Sure.

What knowledge would you like? Tell me. I mean, I got knowledges for days. Do you? You got knowledge for lidge? I do not, however. So you have knowledge for day. Well, I got knowledges for days. Do you? You got knowledge religion? I do not, however. Thought you had it for... So you have knowledge for day. Well, I'm worldly. One day's worth of knowledge.

I'm worldly, so I can roll a skill check that I'm untrained in, and I can roll twice and take the better result. Oh. All right, so do that. 13. All right, so do that. 13. Is there anything particular you want to know about what's happening?

What is happening? Your lack of description is staggering. I want the GM to describe this further. Good question. Let me stall in my own way. How would you yes and my stalls? I rolled several dice to do so. I will tell you this. Something is happening.

And it doesn't feel good. All right. You've now experienced this, if not two, maybe three times, there is a haunt manifesting in the room. Okay, yeah. two, maybe three times, there is a haunt manifesting in the room. Okay, yeah. You know that you don't really have the power to deal with haunts in this surprise round.

If we're walking back and forth between explaining what's physically happening and explaining the meta of the game, you don't have the ability to deal with this. In the surprise round, you need to use positive energy to try and neutralize the haunt if you know the source of the haunt.

I don't have any positive energy. I just have a positive attitude. That will get you far in life. But there's positive energy radiating off of you right now. Does that count? I think so. Yeah. You also know that some haunts are susceptible to other things.

But you don't know what this haunt is susceptible to. Okay. Not knowing don't know what this haunt is susceptible to. Okay, not knowing the source of the haunt or how it's operating or manifesting, Mrs. O'Lady is going to use the surprise round to move to the edge of the room. The edge of the room. Yes.

Best friend. Best friend knows that best friends are a binary, not a singularity, and I need a best friend to survive. So he's going to stay in the room and he's going to roll a knowledge religion even against his best judgment. Ooh. 14. Knowledge religion.

14. Second level, people. Calm down. Those fucking sneering laughs. Really? Get it, Mike. level people calm down those fucking sneering laughs really get it mike you wouldn't like it when he's angry trust me you again it sounds like these sounds are coming from all around you but you do see a mansion in the shape of a bird cage full of birds it's the only link in your head to what's happening in this room.

Now, it's a surprise round. You can either take a standard or move action. Okay, I'm going to then, with no range on any of my abilities for positive energy, I'm going to move right up to the bird cage.

That's a bold move. I like it. Where is it on the map? Can you show me? It's... Right there. There, thank you. So that's where best friend moves. Wait, stop doing that. Stop.

Stop it. It's like pebbles in a pond. Passive sonar James Roll a will save Question Yes Is this a Uh-huh. Question. Yes. Is this a... No.

No. Oh, man. But I appreciate the question. Oh, man. I feel like I want to do this thing. You could just roll the will save. Just throw on that out there. Roll the will save.

Do you have a power that allows you to not roll the will save? Yeah. Well, basically, I can't find it. God. Is there a, is it a fear effect or something that would make me confused or suffer fear in some way? I don't think it is technically a fear effect, no. Okay, then I'll just roll the bullseye. Thank you.

Thank you, Joe. Bye-bye, James. Another combat we won't do. Nine. Ooh. Definitely a fan. Ready for that. You see Mrs. Old Lady and best friend get the jump on whatever's happening in this room.

They're able to hear those cheeps, those chirps You see Mrs. O'Lady and best friend get the jump on whatever's happening in this room. They're able to hear those cheeps, those chirps turn into the shrill sound of a much larger bird, and they're able to react. Mrs. O'Lady moves to the outskirts of the room. Best friend moves right up to the cage, thinking that maybe the cage itself is the source of this. Meanwhile, you levitate ten feet into the air out of your control. Oh no. And you look down

at that corpse that looks beaten on the floor and you think to yourself it looks like a corpse that was lifted and slammed to the floor. Lifted and slammed to the floor. Lifted and slammed to the floor. Oh no. Oh to the floor. Oh, no. Oh, my God.

I'm panicking. Because that's how your cousin died. That's how you know that that's what happened. It's in his backstory. Let's go to round one, for old time's sake. It is going to be James' turn. You're floating ten feet in the air, and you can't control it. What do you want to do? Nothing.

Nothing. Seriously, nothing. There's nothing I can do. Well, knowledge religion. First I'm going to do a knowledge religion. See if I can figure something out about how to solve this. Come on, O'Brien. God! 17. 17.

That's pretty good, yeah. Why are you upset? Yeah. You just reflexively just curse. Damn it! Every time you roll a die. Sometimes the rolls are good. I just hate single digits.

I hate single digits on the die. Yeah, but there are some higher single digits. And when you have a plus 12 to that, technically, yes. Eight, for example. Eight is like a higher or nine, even. Eight is great. Like high single digit numbers. Alright, so you also know this is a haunt, and you understand

how haunts work, but you also know that your basic run-of-the-mill haunt, you do not have the tools available to deal with it. Technically. Unless there is some other weakness, but you don't know.

Yeah, because it's DC 20. That's why I'm angry. Because it's DC 20. Or 25. I'm going to... Well, I can't move, right? But can I attempt to move?

You're levitating, As per the levitate spell But it's being cast on you Yeah so you can You can move yourself if you push Like you can push off a wall I'm next to a wall You're next to a wall yeah go ahead Yeah can I try to direct myself to the door Try to like push off

And just like Ease the fuck out of here. Just sort of like, see ya. And just like, roll a strength check. Yes. You really got to push, man. How about intelligence for angling? It's like, it's not a game of billiards. Exactly. It's trigon push, man. How about intelligence for angling? It's like, it's not a game of billiards.

Exactly. It's trigonometry, man. It is a game of billiards. It is. You still have to move the stick. But my weight is next to nothing now. All right. How about a strength check?

You win this round. You win this round. It's nice that you're able to compromise like this. Good compromise. All right. Come on. Good compromise Good compromise Alright Good roll James One good roll Let's do it There we go

Ten Ten For James And I saw an eleven on the die So Stop looking at my die rolls You push yourself But you don't

You go in the direction of the door, but you don't angle yourself down, so you're still floating ten feet above the door and will most likely be killed in this combat. Wait, wait, wait, but I'm heading... moving toward the door. You're moving toward the door, but not... So I'm moving, like, half my speed?

Half your speed. Okay. Sheila. Sheila says, James, no, don't come down! It's dangerous up there! Also, I don't think I want to no, don't come down. It's dangerous up there. Don't you think I want to? I don't know.

You could have done it voluntarily. I don't know what goes through your head. I'm about to be smashed to pieces. Well, I hope not. He's just like floating there talking to a man. I'm going to be smashed to pieces, you see. This is horrifying. I want to point out that a friend of the show, Todd Oneout on Twitter,

who many of you know, evidently, is an Australian listener, and he sent me a Google spreadsheet of helpful Australian slang phrases. So, let's see. So, Sheila says, you look like you're a few roos loose in the top paddock, mate. A few roos loose in the top paddock.

And he's going to try to Grab James Okay And pull him back towards the door Alright give me A Alright you're going to have to jump So give me an acrobatics check to start

Oh boy I'm sure one of your highest skills. Seven. Is that sufficient? It's pretty good. Yeah. If ten was good. No, you jump up and you just kind of like graze off of his foot.

I'm not going to count that as your standard action, though. Okay. For my standard action. I'll count that as your full round action. Right. That will cost you two rounds worth your full round action. Right. That will be... That'll cost you two rounds worth. Oh, okay.

Sorry. Uh, for standard action, he's going to throw a bomb at the corpse. Oh, no, at the birdcage. So throw a bomb at the birdcage. Corpse or birdcage? Bird... Birdcage. At the birdcage, which...

As much as... Based on the birdcage being so close to the wall, that would put, uh, Giant McGee over here in the blast radius. That's not my birth name, and you know it. Oh, right. If I don't have it written in front of me, I forget your name. Grant. It came to me.

It just came to me. Grant. Is there a way you can angle it that won't include best friend? Actually, yeah, I can throw it against the back wall and just catch the edge of the birdcage in its blast. Okay, so you want to use the birdcage as part of the splash damage as opposed to trying to hit the birdcage directly. Yeah.

Just see if it does anything. All right. All right. That is a 19 to hit. Okay. It's AC5 if you're just aiming for a square. So, yeah, you definitely hit that. Oh, and that is, let's see, that is six points of damage.

Six points of fire damage. Of fire damage. The birdcage crumbles, and James falls to the ground. Hey! Yeah! Yeah! And you take one point of damage. Yes!

All right. Wow. I solved the puzzle. I have never solved a puzzle in my entire life. Wow. Good job, Skid. James, 10 feet up, 1D6. I rolled a 1.

Yes. It's as if you rolled it for me. Yeah. Luck is on our side tonight. That birdcage crumbled, was susceptible to physical damage, and it ended the haunt, at least for now. There are two dead bodies in the room.

There's a lot of shit in this room. What do you guys want to do? Mrs. O'Lady would like to go back and examine the body on the ground again. James? James wants to examine the body that's ritualistically hung in the antlers of the elk head.

BFF? BFF will assist Mrs. O'Lady in looking at the body with any heel checks he can help with. Okay. And Sheila? Sheila will just give real good positive vibes to everyone doing actual work. Just what I do in real life. All right. Let's start with Mrs. O'Lady and best friend.

You guys are looking over this corpse that's been beaten to death. I'm sure James can be like, it's pretty clear this thing was like raised, thrown, raised, thrown, raised, thrown. Do they have anything on them? Do they have any tattoos or any markers or any identification on the body? There's a wallet. Oh. With a Delaware license. Oh, whoa.

Do I recognize the face from any of the personnel files that we were looking at in the last session? No, you don't. You don't recognize the face. There doesn't seem to be any sort of identifying marks about them. You search the body. Roll a perception check. Twelve.

Five. Yeah. You don't find anything. Okay. You do see that they're wearing stained yellow robes similar to praying shields oh the orpiment right the apostles in

orpiment yeah orpiment's a funny word isn't it it is it is how you spell it o-r-p-i m-e-n-t hmm so these but it's yellow yeah it's yellow.

Yeah, it's some sort of like ambery situation. Orpiment is a deep-colored orange-yellow arsenic sulfide. That's what I'm... Yeah. Can we dump them down the body chute? Yes, you can. Okay, that's my next plan. Yeah, they got these stained yellow robes, tattered yellow veils kind of covering their face,

the same sort of marking on their forehead. So similar to Grey's Shields, you know that they're part of Apostles and Orpiment, but maybe they fell victim to this haunt. Maybe one of them was slammed up and down and the other one was slammed up and then came down and got impaled on the Elks' head. Oh, man.

That was good aim by the haunt. Yes. Really landed that blow. Is Orpiment somehow similar to the... in color or in makeup

to the substance outside? The sulfurous rain and mist? Only insofar as there's both some yellow going on.

So maybe. I'm on to something Yes Good thing you're an investigator Not sure what Yes James, go ahead and roll a perception Four

I really wanted to find something out. Just wanna hold you ready for that one! You see that the body... This is the fun start. ...is wearing a tuxedo. I don't know. Oh, man. For... No, you're like searching through...

You can't quite see from where you're looking. You're like, there might be something on them, but we'd have to pull the body down. It's incredibly intriguing. This body seems to be wearing a tuxedo. A tuxedo, you say? Yes, I haven't seen anything like it in this place. This must be a

clue that we should follow closely. Is it a one-button dinner jacket or two? I feel like if we focus all of our energy... What did you say? I'm sorry One button jacket or two Oh, it's one button jacket, of course Of course, alright, understood

I think we devote all of our resources Bow tie or neck tie? It appears to be a bow tie It's a little bit old school, but it's still fine It's acceptable How many buttons are on the jacket, though? I said that... Is the bow tie a clip-on

or a true tie? It is a... fucking clip-on. Perish the thought. Sorry, I almost vomited right in my mouth. This tuxedo is no doubt a clue of what is going on in this asylum. I feel like we should delve greatly into this specific mystery.

Yes. And only devote all of our resources to this for the next several hours. I'm sorry, is the tuxedo navy blue or black? It's black. I'm sorry. As James is talking about this tuxedo, all of you see that he's just wearing yellow stained robes. James' foreperception.

Well, maybe. In that light, it looked like a tuxedo with a clip-on bow tie. Maybe with his rat-stroke vision, he can see something we're missing. Perhaps, Matthew, perhaps. Is it a cucumber bun or suspenders? Mrs. Old Lady, that is precisely what is happening. I'm seeing something you're not because I am gifted and you are not.

Is he wearing spats on his socks? There seem, yes, there seem to be some sort of function here, a high-level noble function, it must have been. This is Tuxedo, the style of Galt. There is... I'm telling you, there are great secrets here. No, stop pulling me away. No. They sent the wrong group of people to do this. For sure.

Eventually, you pull the body down from the elk's head. Oh, oh. Shit, you're right. There's no tuxedo. I'm sorry. I don't know what I saw. It must have been in the shadow. The way the elk's head sort of cast a shadow,

it certainly looked like a tuxedo to the uninitiated. It was the pleads. Yes. It was the pleads. Yes, it was the pleads. That's right. Come to find out it was just a urine-stained robe. Forgive me, there was no function here. But he does have a Masterworks silver dagger on him. Oh, yes. And I will just tell you,

an amulet of natural armor plus one. Oh, nice. In fact, and I would miss this because I was lost, the other guy had the same thing. So you have two amulets of natural armor plus one, two masterwork silver daggers, and two potions of cure light wounds. Oh, that is awesome. Wow. And we'll see you in Indianapolis. Oh, yeah.

I hope that I'll start the music. I really didn't think that through. You guys see out the picture. Go ahead and roll a perception. You've been doing so well at these. 20. 26. 26.

Three. You're so shitty. I'm just slowly going down. You're so shitty at this. One by one by one, I'm going down. Multiple die. God damn it. Skid, what'd you roll?

20. 20, all right. So everybody accept whatever character Joe plays. You see outside the windows to the east, you know the windows to the west lead to the front building. That's what Mrs. O'Lady was considering jumping through during the Hungry Flesh fight. But since she weighs 65 pounds, thought against it.

There are windows though looking to the east and you can see the mist it's outside. The mist is a little thinner here and you see a garden path just sort of leading. Oh how nice.

Like splitting through the mist. What? You also have about 90 other doors in the central emissions area. The door in this room leads outside to a thinly misted garden path. It's very interesting, but I feel that first,

the three of you must figure out who gets the other amulet of natural armor plus one. As he slowly dons one of them. Now, it's fair dinkum, mate. He's losing his mind again.

Take him out. Should we roll off? Roll off. Roll off. Two highest? Yeah, how about two highest? Well, let's roll off for one and then roll off again for the other one. But then you're not involved in the roll off.

What? What? Everybody roll one. Everybody roll off. Twelve. Fourteen. Three? Three.

Eleven! Fourteen. Fourteen. No, he. 3. 11. 14. 14. No, he got 14. All right, so Matthew, you get one. Excellent. Yeah. All right, we are doing two rolls.

Okay, good. There you go, Mrs. O'Lady. And let's roll for the other one. Come on, James. Matthew, you can't roll for this one. We need this. You sure? Skid, what'd you get?

A six. Six. Grant? Ten. I am literally, with no exaggeration, slowly going down. It's a two. Yeah! Ten wins!

You know what, Joe? It never gets old. I'm going to have to force some random skill check that'll be a natural one before combat starts. God. All right, so thankfully, the frontline fighters of the party, Best Friend and Mrs. O'Lady.

I actually am. Best Friend is the closest thing we have to this. Yeah. Get their armor, Amulet of natural armor plus one. Guys, you've got a lot of options here. I'm going to take a silver dagger. Yeah, there's two masterwork silver daggers.

Is it okay if I take the other? Sure. Two potions of cure light. What do you want to do? Again, one door leading out outside to a thinly misted garden path. And then if you go back to the admissions area, I mean, you had a set of double doors going to the north. You had two doors in the...

All right, all right, all right. We got it. Misses our lady. Sorry, go ahead. Yeah, Sheila is going to go up to the window and look out and see if it's still raining like hot boiling rain or if it's as dry as a dead dingo's donga. Now, I have no way of knowing if these are actually real or if he's just fucking with me.

You could be saying horrible things. I know, I know. It would be very Australian of him just to be fucking with you, right? This would not be beyond Todd One Out at all. No, to do something like that. The question stands. He destroys a dead ding-a-ding-a.

You're doing a perception to see if there's any sort of precipitation? If I think it would be dangerous to walk around, even with a clear path through the garden. And that is 16. 16. You don't hear any rain.

In the distance you hear peals of thunder, but it seems far away, like maybe a storm might be coming. You don't hear any precipitation. And if you look out the window, though it is thinly misted, you don't see anything at the moment. I don't know.

It looks safe. It looks safe as houses out there. It has never worked out well for us when we go outside. No, but maybe we got all of the bad attempts out of the way, and now we are golden. An optimist. Yes. I like you.

I like you. I like you. I mean, not as much as my best friend But you're pretty good I mean you're pretty You're apples I take that as a compliment I believe it is

I still worry that the apostles of Orbit And Alvar Zanderlus himself Might entreat themselves to the north inside rather than to the east through this passageway. Shall we investigate inside first or perhaps outside? No, that's a fair... No, yeah, that's a good idea. Idea.

I, I, yeah. Thank you. So back up into the lobby and through a different door? Yeah, I would love, so yeah, there's all these doors. Let's go, I would like to check out the closest one. Outside the double doors. There's one in the hallway outside. I would like to check that out.

You see to the east more rubble choked, like a rubble choked wall, like maybe a wall collapsed there or there's a staircase that leads up, but you can see like after the first floor, it looks like you can't get up farther, like the ceiling collapsed there. There are two doors to the far north, but Sheila points out this door right here to the north. Can I check it for traps? You sure can, buddy. Natural one. It is heavily trapped.

Back off. Yeah, no, you don't feel confident, certainly, while checking it no You're not You don't feel confident Certainly while checking it You're like I don't know why I would be trapped But there's a lot of

Strange shit going on here Is it locked? It doesn't appear to be locked Can I listen at the door? Yeah Natural six Fourteen Okay

Oh sorry Sorry Matthew You listen and you don't hear anything So you're not confident that it isn't trapped And you don't hear anything inside I'm not very confident You go first I'll try to open it

No you're golden You've got the protection of the amulet You'll be fine I hope that whatever dangers are behind this door are natural Because that's how I understand natural amulets to work Calm yourself down Open the door I don't know why I rolled a die

I just tried to open the door Can you roll the open door check He did roll a 17 on the die. It was a great roll. He opened the shit out of that door. Yeah. He fucking crushed that door open. The AC on that doorknob was 16. Oh, man.

Wow. You open it. Who's your best friend now, motherfucker? It's me. You open the door after talking about it for 45 minutes and see that the room is partially collapsed and the collapse appears to have destroyed most of the buckets and mops and feather dusters

that were stored in here. However, the wall has collapsed so much so that there's a portion of the western wall that's fallen away that opens into another room. We gotta climb through this wall. Y'all ready? Did you recast your actor?

I feel so confident after rolling a 17 on that open door check. It's like James arms a spell. He's like, what has happened to him? Who are you? Summon Samuel L. Jackson. It's more of an iced Spell. He's like, what has happened to him? Who are you? Summon Samuel L. Jackson. It's more of an iced tea thing, but anyway. All right, so best friend will say,

there's an open passageway here. Shall we proceed? Yes, go. All right, best friend will continue and walk straight through this new open passageway. Heedlessly. This is a pretty fucked up room.

Oh boy. I'm going to tell you right now. Grant. It looks truly terrifying. You see on the opposite side of the room the door is barricaded.

Like, so that if you tried to get in from the admissions area, you wouldn't be able to. But because you're entering from this supply closet, you can see that the door is barricaded from the inside. To the people. Oh, God.

A long desk, several chairs, a sideboard, and numerous once stately landscape paintings barricade the door of this somber looking perhaps conference room. Maybe this is a place where they brought new patients or brought the new patients' families to discuss about committing them. Obviously you walk through this toppled wall and see bodies littering the ground. And if a pile of

bodies wasn't strange enough, all of them appear to be wearing masks. What? Masks are what? Best friend will kneel down and pull one of the masks away to inspect it further

to answer Mrs. O'Lady's question so you walk in it looks like maybe half a dozen bodies and you can tell that whatever happened here they were absolutely slaughtered you've seen bodies beaten to death now or slammed up and down, but

whatever happened in here was a straight up slaughter. You take off, it looks like some of the bodies their faces are wrapped in sheets, shirts, or like grain bags cinched around their head. So you reach down at the nearest one that has one of these

grain bags and you unsinch it and you pull it off and you just see nearest one that has one of these grain bags and you unsinch it and you pull it off and you just see a face that has been completely mauled to death. And looking at the mask, is there anything else I learned? Is there a check I can do on it? Maybe a religion? No, but you can just tell

that there's something ritualistic about it. Maybe not in the killing so much as in the calling card left behind. We found the kinkiest sex party in town and we're late. Oh, no. Damn it! No, the password was Fidelio. Oh, you fools.

Can I do a heel check on their faces to see if they're pummeled or cut up or eaten or whatever? Ooh, natural 20, 24. Well, there you go. That's an exceptionally good roll, he said while stalling. I mean, of all the rolls that you've rolled tonight. I think it was a pretty good roll. Joe, what do you think of that role? I'm very jealous.

And I no longer like Skid as a person. Well, I don't think we have to go that far. It was just a good role. It's no reason to hate someone. It looks like... I mean, you can tell... You're no psychic investigator, but you can tell that the people in here, it seems like they barricaded themselves in. You see the barricade is still intact.

You look behind you and see that the wall collapsed here. So whoever killed these people came in through the same way that you're coming in. It's pretty obvious. As you start to piece it together, you look at just the face with a heel check, and you can see that they were just beaten to death with a blunt instrument. Various blunt instruments. Does it look like they crashed through this wall here, through the janitor's closet

to come into the room? It doesn't appear that way, and you know from, look, you've been in the asylum now for a few days, like lots of the walls have crumpled from something that shook the very foundation of this building. But there was a wall here, and now it's gone. There was a few days, like, lots of the walls have crumpled from something that shook the very foundation of this building. But there was a wall here, and now it's gone. There was a wall here, and now it's gone.

So these people came in here, barricaded themselves in, and then someone used the opportunity of the collapsed wall to come in and beat them to death or something. With multiple blunt instruments, though. So it leads reason to believe that there were multiple people beating them to death about the face. Or someone with lots of arms. Yep. A skittermander did it. Tumkey. Oh, man.

It's possible. It's highly possible, Grant. Could I get to the drawers of the desk? Yeah. Could I search the drawers of the desk? Yeah. Could I search the drawers of the desk? Yeah. I do so. There's nothing in them.

Any of the other furniture have stuff in it? Secret compartments? Roll me a perception check. 14. 14. You're looking around and you see that it looks like the bodies are mostly wearing the outfits of an orderly that works at the asylum. And one of them is wearing a suit of padded armor, which I can't imagine is better than any of the armor that you're wearing, and had a sap on his belt like he was like ready to defend himself with a sap.

a sap on his belt, like he was ready to defend himself with a sap. And you also find, while looking through the other shit, two thunderstones. Oh. And a golden ring. Oh. James would like to detect magic

while he's in the back there. Nothing. Well, you detect a lot of magic from Mrs. O there? Nothing. Well, you detect a lot of magic from Mrs. O'Lady. Well, I mean, it's kind of a... He's washing 60 feet of detect magic, so it's well beyond this room. Right.

Is he picking up anything within 60 feet? But, but, but, but, but, but, you know, that's a fair question. The ring? What are you talking about? Certainly nothing on the ring. No, no, you're really not. You're really not. Can I see the ring?

Absolutely. I tried. Lend me the ring. If you would but lend me the ring. I would drive the hosts of Mordor's and listen face to face, and sorrowed himself, and they'd tell us to give it away. We need a good skit soliloquy.

Come and answer me. None of them can. I take the ring. You take the ring. You want to roll a praise? I do. 15. I will appraise you like I should.

It's worth 150 gold pieces. Oh. Oh. Oh. You should go back to the chapel and try and sell it. Oh, yeah. At the ring store. Yeah.

Trade it for precious wood. Praise God. Praise God. Praise God. Yeah. I mean, you've scoured this room. You feel pretty confident that, you know, you haven't, you've found everything of worth in here. But again, just, you can't help but wonder, like, these poor orderlies, if that's who they were, they were so close to getting to the chapel. Did they run in here when the shit went down and didn't have a chance to get to the chapel. Did they run in here when the shit went down and didn't have a chance to get to the chapel? Did they

try to get to the chapel, but that strange wall had already blocked the passageway? You don't know, but yet again, it's more evidence of innocents just being murdered, but by what? Or by who? Maybe the apostles in Orpiman. Maybe doppelgangers

and other strange creatures. You don't know. Is there any... Can I tell if the masks were placed on them before or after they were beaten to death? Rolling over your heel check, it's posthumously. Okay. Oh. Weird.

Yeah. So they were killed, and then their faces were covered. That is really weird. Who would do something like that? Xanderlu sees. Xanderlu sees. He does. Prize, prize.

First shields. Words fail. Shall we move on from there? Yes. There's nothing left, yeah. I don't like this room. I don't care for it. There's no evidence of any... I don't like this room. I thought it was okay for it. There's no evidence of any...

I'm sorry if this was already asked, but there's no evidence of any names on anybody's clothing or identifying... No, no, like name tags. No! Name tags sewn into their white... Okay. It's nothing.

Let's find another door. Did we try these double doors? No. I think we went straight outside. That's what we did. Do we want to swing around the right-hand side here to check out this hallway, or do we want to go right for the middle doors? I'm tempted to see what's in this room.

Yeah. I go for that. So you can go, looking at the map here, you can go to the west and up, or to the east, to one of those two doors where it looks like you are going. Looks like we're going east. I will open this door. You will just open it. Heedlessly. Heedlessly.

Recklessly. Nice. Yes. With abandon. Thank you. open it. Heedlessly. Heedlessly. Recklessly. Nice. Yes. With abandon. Thank you. I kick it in. Roll a d20 to open the door. You open the door and it opens

to the outside. Oh. Oh. Oh wow. Looks like a courtyard. Oh, not unlike the first courtyard you found in Los Angeles. I close the door. Is it raining? Is it raining? It doesn't appear to be raining. Again, you hear the cracks of thunder in the distance. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go. I close the door. That's the sound. Continuing with our mission to explore the inside before the outside.

Okay. You open the door to the right, to the east. Just heedlessly open, yes? Heedlessly, recklessly. Looks like a passageway leading further east. You can see a little bit around the corner, and it looks like more choked rubble. Shall we? Oh, wow.

What? Huh? Somebody did something with the walls in here. So all that rubble is impassable here. But down the end of the further eastmost point, could we maybe see more if we approach cautiously? Sure could. Just as best friend has done.

Or you could just run in. Get out of the way, you old lady! I'm sick of your shit! Get out of my way! It's like running down the hall like wild like i've been off my meds for three weeks yeah we don't know why he's in here uh yeah so i'm using that aura of yellow around you as the light that you've cast on yourself so that's as far as you see looks like a hallway again five foot wide leading to the north.

Best friend's going to listen down the hallway and is not going to hear shit with a ten. So he'll stealthily move forward with a negative six to his stealth. Good. Go ahead and roll that stealth check. Okay, let's see what happens. Come on, negative numbers. Yes, negative four. Come on, negative numbers.

Yes, negative four. This is like when Coca-Cola introduced New Coke and it sucked. You're like, guys, stand back. I've got this. New Coke is coming back, by the way. A nuclear test is like a minus two. You continue looking up towards the north and you see yet again a hallway that has, it just ends

in rubble. More of the ceiling has collapsed and it looks impassable. And he gets claustrophobic in this hallway. Best friend does this. Listen, I know we're supposed to explore inside before we go outside, but this courtyard is clearly in the middle of this place, whatever it is.

This is an asylum. Calm down, calm down. But we found another room when I went outside before. No, that's true. Are you all right, mate? Are you feeling... Sorry, I can't look at the spreadsheet. Let's just go back.

That spreadsheet, by the way, is titled How to Talk Strayan. It is. How to Speak Strayan. How to Speak Strayan. Yeah.. How to Speak Strayan. How to Speak Strayan. Double doors? What are you, piss weak? Yeah, and

if the double doors don't open, let's go outside. I'm happy to go. Yeah, let's check. I'm down. I'll check these doors for traps. I have a quick question. Is anybody here tonight from Australia? Are these legit? Are they? have a quick question. Is anybody here tonight from Australia? Yes.

Are these legit? Are they? So far, yes. Somewhat, yes. Okay. So far, yes. So far, yes. We'll take it. So far, yes.

Okay. We'll take them. Well, somewhat, thank you, Todd. One out. This voice coming at us from the darkness could also be trying

to fuck with us. That's true. That's true. They could be in it together. It's two Australians. It could be a conspiracy. Yeah. They are a notoriously corrupt race, the Australians.

I can understand. I could totally envision two of them conspiring to destroy me. The famous cult of Australians. Blindly follow each other. It only takes two. Conspiracy, that's only two people. Only two people in a room. Oh, lady, you want to check for traps on this door?

Yeah, 29. 29. It appears to be untrapped and unlocked. I open the doors. You open the door into darkness. Oh, wow, yeah. The darkness of a very large room. However,

the light shining off of best friends, what did you put that on? Shield. On your shield. Praise shields. Is enough to see something that both James and Mrs. O'Lady feel all of a sudden like a weight sinking in their stomach. It looks like an enormous library.

I'm very excited. Are you kidding? Yeah. You mean that sinking feeling of awesomeness? Well, since you've come here, you both have, or certainly Mrs. O'Lady has had these reveries of being in a library, both as an adult and as a little girl. James has seen visions of libraries as well. It's true. And does this library look exceptionally familiar?

It doesn't look exceptionally familiar. Because the ones in your dreams were either they went on forever or they were like in the middle of a street. It's a library in the asylum. Mrs. O'Lady has a methodical mind and is an investigator and fucking loves a library. Murder, she read. Murder, she read. That was good, Grant You see sagging shelves held together by dust

An extensive system of rolling ladders Ringing the front part of the library You would assume it continues to the back Husky, dull-looking tomes Going from floor to ceiling A worn table in the middle Surrounded by uncomfortable-looking tomes going from floor to ceiling. A worn table in the middle, surrounded by uncomfortable-looking chairs. You can see up, those of you with dark vision

or some semblance of dark vision, low-light vision, you see a chandelier of iron vines dangling high up above. You open the door and the scents of leather and old paper pervade your nostrils. But so does a distinct bestial musk.

Oh no. That's like Grant. Smells exactly like a burger. There's a shower backstage, Grant. I make no apologies for my musk for it is Odeburger. Odeburger. And it makes everyone say,

oooey. Oooooey. Oooooey. Dynamite. Dynamite. Speaking of your musk, I forgot that you're sick from the hungry flesh.

Paula Deen was who it was, by the way. Paula Deen has infected you. You have the curse of the Deen. I forgot about this because I was so busy making fun of you guys, but whatever this thing did to you, it has done damage to both your con and your charisma. Oh, no.

Since I just remembered it, why don't we just roll it out right now, Grant? Because the worst case scenario is you permanently die. The best case scenario is... You permanently die? Wait a minute, wait a minute. I think we did do this.

Did we? Yeah, I think we did do this. Did we? Yeah, I think you took a point of con and charisma already. Yeah, I have ability score damage one. Ability score damage one. Teacher? Yeah. I did my homework already. Did he cure, though?

Did he save? Yeah. No, I took the point of each. Because you need two consecutive saves to cure. You work full time on this podcast, right? I got a lot going on. I just want to know if you have other jobs you're doing.

Do you have other jobs you're doing? Just curious. Roll another fortitude save. The DC just went up, Grant. The DC just went up. The longer you take, the higher it goes. Just roll a fortitude save. You'll be fine.

You'll be fine. You'll be fine. 13. Ooh. No, that is going to be two points of con damage, one point of charisma damage. Ooh. All of a sudden he seems to be slumping. So I'm now down two points of charisma

and three points of color. Now, can anyone do anything to help him? Because I'm going to just resolve this if you can't. I mean, can I do a heal check work to treat disease? No, it's some sort of disease

you would need. Remove disease. I don't have that. Or a some sort of disease. You would need a... Remove disease. I don't have that. Or a potion of remove disease. We could ask Winter if she has it in her supplies. I can offer encouraging words. What do you say? I say,

listen, young man. You are big and strong. You have no reason to fear. This disease probably comes from another dimension And will probably kill you very quickly So you are going to be just A-OK Well, hold fast to what you believe in If you're the vision of future of what aging brings I'm so glad I'm dying early

Wow You old jerk That's the reduced charisma Yeah That's what's happening Millennials Grant this is what I'm gonna do Because I

You know I I forgot it Like I forget my shit But I'm gonna have you Roll one more time Alright See what happens Is treat disease a medicine check

yeah that's what i was thinking all right so try that yeah all right i also have medicine a natural 20 okay okay so he gets what a plus five plus four plus four do you save so i would have saved the first time if we had been as smart as the people in the balcony they grow geniuses in Seattle natural fucking 20 we both got one

20 bros I'm going to leave that alone for now. Oh! I'm going to say you don't take any further damage for the time being. What do you want to do in this room? I would like... So, can we...

I mean, ultimately, I want to spend a lot of time reading what's left of the books here. Yeah, so does anyone want to walk into the actual room? Hold on, hold on. Yes, Mr. Lady, you first. You're just standing there at the door like, I would love to spend a lot of time here and read. But let's first make sure nothing's...

That musk is not going to kill us. Oh, right, the musk. So can we cautiously proceed to the room? Can we perhaps Hey, come closer. Come closer. Perhaps we could if it's around one of these corners, perhaps we could draw it out if we are ready for it.

All right. Make our presence known. Make it come to us. I do have this thunderstone. Ooh. Could use that. I thought more along the lines of a ghostly sound. Something to make it think we're already in the room. It exposes itself.

We prepare our actions and attack it. I like that plan as well. Your thoughts, Sheila? I think the Thunderstone idea is Blade and Bongza. This is getting much more immersive. So just to be clear, do you like that plan or not? Oh, right, yes, I like that.

Sorry. I realize you don't all have the spreadsheet. Can I do a survival check to look for tracks? Yeah. Natural one. And the Thunderstone, it deafens people, right? Deafens creatures? Can I roll a knowledge check to identify the smell?

Yeah, you can try Knowledge, nature? I don't have that I do How's a 28 grab you? Natural 20 for James And his rat scent He could probably smell if it was to the left Or to the right with that Natural 20 for James and his rat scent.

He could probably smell if it was to the left or to the right with that, I would think. You stick your pointy, stinky little nose in there. And it smells like you. What? Oh, no. Some sort of filthy Disgusting rat They disgust me you know This is my great curse

Perhaps it's a dire rat Could be quite deadly Or more than one More than just one I will do a survival check as well To see if there's Tracks of Let me ask you a good question

You can keep that roll That you just rolled. But what role can anyone see farther than best friend in the dark? Cause I can reveal more. I cannot. No. Jamesy. I'll step up there.

Best for anyone. I step out of the way for a second and sure. Let James go up there. All right. I can see 60 feet in the dark. Give me a little, uh, I mean,

there's a wall there. So, Oh, unless... These are shelves, right? Yeah, yeah. So I guess it would just be a little bit longer. That's as far as you can see? Yeah.

Thrilling. So you see more tables. The room looks like it just continues onward. Right. Okay. James is then going to... Let me give this this a chance he's going to step in and he will use his scent ability okay uh just to see if the opponent is within 30 feet he can sense if it's within 30 feet uh yeah i can detect opponents within 30 feet by smell. If I believe they're within 30 feet, then I can roll a survival check to determine their direction.

Within 30 feet? Yeah. Okay. It's pretty obvious it's not, but... You don't detect it. Yeah. The ceilings look to be about 14 feet high in this room. I think they were 20 feet high in admissions, which was higher than most of the rooms you've been in. You look here

and it looks like the ceiling has a little bit of a drop. You see these ladders on tracks that can be pushed around you'd think. The tracks end in certain areas that you could climb to the top of the shelves. Is there a ladder nearby?

Yeah, there's one to your left, about 15 feet in uh and one to your right about 25 feet in so one there and one you know and they're on wheels yeah they're on wheels like in okay yeah what do you want to do thunderstone tactic or the ghost sound tactic yeah i like the ghost sound tactic first just to see if we can get it to move. Why don't we slide one of the stairs on the wheels all the way down and see if it knocks

into anything? Because we'd have to go too far into the room to get to it. Just everybody come into the room. Just a couple feet. And then James is going to cast ghost sound around the corner to my left. Over here. And just cast ghost sound around the corner to my left over here,

and just cast the sound, basically, of us talking. Like, you know, just basically being like, and we finally found it, the library. All of our secrets will be answered. I hope there aren't any rats in here. Yeah. Where do you cast that? Do you prefer to know? Can you cast that in the darkness towards the back of the room or where?

Yeah, I don't know if I have to have line of sight to where I cast it. But yeah, I'm trying to cast on the other side of this. All right, so show me the farthest distance that you can see. All these tables in front of you, you can see right over there. Oh, they're tables. I'm sorry. I thought these were bookshelves. No, they're tables.

Okay. That is a big table. Yeah, then I can see. That is a massive table. It's so I can see... That is a massive table. This is how far I can see. Oh, I see. Oh, I know what you're talking about. What's in front of you is a shelf. The table is in the middle, and then another shelf.

So we can't see around the shelf, right? Yeah, if you step to the left, you can see further. It's very dark. It's very dark. I'm sorry, I see what you're saying. Best friend and James, I guess, will stealth around the corner. And I'm just going to try to take a peek long ways and see 60 feet deep into this room. Okay, so now you see that.

You see much deeper into the room. You see where it ends, which is nice. And you see that there's another shelf sort of bookending this table in the middle of the room. You like that? The shelves are eight feet high and the ceiling's 14 feet. There are no ladders leading to the top of the shelves in front of you. Okay, so right in that square where you see there, I'm going to cast the ghost sound. Okay, you cast ghost sound.

And what is the sound? Give me an idea what that sounds like. It's us talking. But I want to hear it. Hello! We finally found the library. Yes, all of our questions will be answered. Do you prefer tuxedo shoes, the shiny kind, or just

plain regular black shoes with your tuxedos? Pattern leather, I believe you mean. Pattern leather, yes. I prefer the pattern leather. Alright, so you talk. It is obvious by our chatter that we have no fear of any danger. Right. And you just see a book come flying into that space. That's not right.

Where did the book come from? The book came from the darkness to the right, so beyond best friend's vision. Best friend, stay there. It hits the floor, and then nothing else happens. Don't move. James, quickly, we'll cross to the other side of the room. Sneak around just past Best Friend and try to look 60 feet deep. See if he sees anything.

You look deep, and you see a mirror image of the side that you've already seen. Oh, God. No creatures. It's got the jump on us. It casts me an image. So I can... If we want to throw a Thunderstone, it will deafen whatever...

If they fail their save, it will deafen. Give it a shot, Mrs. O'Lady. Do it. Does anyone have a better throwing ability than I do? Well, it is a bit more speciality. That's what I was thinking. Hand it over. She hands over

a thunderstorm. And he's like, I don't know, I don't know how to split you up. He throws it. Where do you throw it? Natural one.

Why don't we go to a fan fumble? Okay. Because I know you had that all pulled up, O'Brien. This was a thunderstorm thrown in the direction of, like, deeper into the room? Yeah. Fumble!

I don't know. Okay. It's a ranged attack. This one from Ben in Ramsey, New Jersey. Ben, you here? No. God. It's called Call to the Spirits.

With a shot that could save not only your life, but all of your friends, you pray to the spirits around you for luck. And the personification of Joe O'Brien's luck answers. Joe's gonna throw! Joe's gonna throw! Ready for that one! You have minus two to attack, damage, and saving throws for 1d3 rounds. Oh, man.

That is a bad thing to have because all of a sudden... Oh, no. Books start flying off the shelves at all of you, and you hear... as swarms of rats start running at you. Oh, not swarms. Why don't we roll for initiative? Oh, no!

With the swarms! Roll, Rick, a roll. Oh, man. Roll, Rick, a roll. Roll, Rick, a roll. Roll, Rick, a roll. Roll for initiative. This is bad business.

James, what do you got? 20. 20, okay. Flat 20. Nat 20? Flat 20. Flat 20. I mean, after, you know, just...

Sheila? 24. 24 for Sheila. Very good. Mrs. Old 20? Flat 20. Flat 20. I mean, after, you know, just... Sheila. 24. 24 for Sheila. Very good. Mrs. Old Lady? 10. 10. Not great.

Best friend? A goddamn seven. Oh, that's just terrible. Sheila, you go to throw this thing, and I don't know, it like, it just... It will still explode, I guess. It explodes. Yeah. Yeah.

Maybe everybody should roll a Fortitude save against the Thunderstone that fell directly at your feet. Why don't we start there? Oh my God, dude. The natural one rule is it goes in that area. It has a ten foot radius wherever it lands. Yeah, so everybody roll a Fortitude save. It's bad business.

Bad business, LaValle. DC 15. Come on. God. Nope. Nine. Skidabarikidoo. It's 24.

24. You're fine. 15. 15. So James, The spellcaster And best friend Are deafened For

Don't worry about it One hour Sheila you hear You see books Flying down off the shelves Coming near your feet Some Nowhere's near you

It's your action What do you do? What? Sheila Oh sorry nowhere's near you it's your action what do you do what Sheila oh sorry were you playing Tetris yeah I am Total War Warhammer

I'm gonna Sheila is going to it says I won't let the ghost of Joe O'Brien deter me and And he jumps up on the table and I guess

he probably can't see anything still. That's a bookshelf. Oh, that's a bookshelf. Oh, I see, I see. That's a bookshelf. It's a DC 20 acrobatics check. Okay. To get to the middle of the shelf. Alright. Never mind. So he goes I can't even see. There's no. I will. Never mind. So he goes,

I can't even see because there's no, I can't even see. Yeah, well, you know, best friend is providing you with enough light to be able to at least see in that yellow circle. Oh, I see.

Okay, yeah. All right. So Sheila is going to swing around the right side of the bookshelf and he is going to prepare to throw a bomb. He's going to, if he sees a rat,

he's going to throw a bomb at it. Sees rat, going to throw a bomb. I like it. James! Well, not James. I mean, you see James. A rat he doesn't know. Already. He's going to throw a bomb. James, you're deaf. What do you do?

Oh, God. Level two, deaf and wizard. Fighting swarms. It's so perfect. Roll a perception check, James. Natural one.

I tried. It's all Natural one. I tried. It's all falling apart. I tried to help you. Uh. All right. James is going to cast 30 feet out in front of him a silent image of himself in the middle of the room, ready to fight. And that doesn't have any somatic components, right? Yeah, I'm sure it does.

The somatic's okay. I think it's verbal. It's the verbal. Oh, verbal. It does have verbal, yeah. So let's see. Was it 50% or? 20%.

20%. 53%. All right, you're good. So you cast a silent image Of yourself where 30 feet straight up In the room Okay So if you just want to

Duplicate my piece I like that Like right Schma Yeah Okay Boom Schma

Schma Schma Schma See Schma Swim swam swum Alright Anyone with dark vision

Which is just James Is it just James? Is it just James? Oh, no. Yeah, yeah. Oh, dear. You see a couple things. One, you see there's some sort of rat-esque creature on top of the shelves here.

Oh, no. And it throws a book at the silent image. Ah, okay. Just throws a book down at the silent image And, I mean Do I roll to hit? Yeah It actually misses the silent image Perfect, wow So it goes careening off the bookshelf In the far end of the room here

And just Then you also see a swarm of rats Come running up Straight through your silent image. Ooh. And Sheila, you can attack now. Okay. Alright. Wait, wait, wait. They don't stop on the silent image? No, they run right through you.

Cool. Alright, so I have minus one to attack. They have sent. They know that you're not reading. That is a ten to hit. Ten to hit 10 to hit Touch attack Touch attack You threw a bomb

Yeah That's a hit Okay Alright so That is minus 1 damage Oh that is That is 10 points of fire damage 10 points of fire damage. Ten points of fire damage

to the rat swarm? Yes. Beautiful! That's fantastic. I know. This is my bread and butter. Swarms, man! Alchemist, firebombs, get out of my way! It devastates the swarm, but it doesn't kill it.

Okay. It's not really my definition of devastation. You see more of these creatures, James, appearing atop the shelves. And at least for right now, they're just throwing books. One throws a book at Mrs. O'Lady. But Mrs. O'Lady, you're kind of tucked in there behind the corner. So it's going to be a tough toss. Mrs. Mrs.

Old Lady. And then the other one just winks. I don't even know. You know what? No one sees this because none of you have dark vision with the exception of James. So the other one, you don't know what it does. Moving right along, it is

Mrs. Old Lady's turn. Mrs. Old Lady, you saw a book just come flying past you. Yeah, but I can't see it because of where Best Friend is. So I'm going to hold. Okay. I'm going to delay and see what Best Friend does. Okay, it is Best Friend's turn. Best Friend is going to muster up all of his courage and try to climb the nearest ladder to attack the rat that he heard from James is throwing books down.

Okay. So is there like a place around here that I can climb up? Climb the nearest ladder to attack the rat that he heard from James is throwing books down. Okay. So is there like a place around here that I can climb up? The nearest ladder is right in front of the rat swarm. You can get to it without provoking. But don't forget, once you get there, you know, once you start climbing, it's going to slow down. I'll double move straight up. Double move straight up? Yep.

All right. That's fine. So you get there and you start climbing up. I'm not going to have it provoke because it's a tiny little swarm. All right. So you start making your way up and you are now atop this thing. And you see one of these creatures standing 20 feet away from you. Let me show you what this guy looks like because this is pretty accurate here.

Actually, what can you guys see? Yeah, we'll go down here. That's what it looks like. Oh, God. Oh, that looks like. Oh, God. Oh, that's awful. Oh, God. Hi, Grant. Oh, God.

This is what you look like to me, Troy. Like, it's pretty on point. Just put a little baseball cap on top of it, and it's pretty on point. So cool. Mrs. O'Lady, you saw what best friend did. What do you want to do? I will act. I will cast light on my sword cane.

Nice. Okay. And then I will remain where I am for now. Light on the sword cane, and you remain where you are. I'll throw that light on there, but in the meantime, Sheila, you moved to when that swarm attacked, right? So, yeah, it's going to be James' turn. James is just going to move his illusion into the middle.

No, he's going to move it deeper into the room. All right. I should say where Best Friend has moved there, you can see a little bit more into the room. James, your illusion doesn't give you the sight pass there. This is what you save. All right, so you just move him deeper into the room. Deeper into the room. Yeah, that's my action.

Okay. These creatures atop the bookshelves, again, the one that Best Friend can see, he is actually going to move towards Best Friend, charge at him, and attempt to fight Natty19. That is going to be a 22 to hit. Oh, that'll bite deep in there. I'm assuming that's a hit. That's only going to be one point of damage.

But is there... Do I feel anything? Sickness? Fortitude save, maybe? You do feel that it sunk its teeth in so deep, even though it only did one point of damage, the blood is still squirting out of you. And you have begun bleeding.

You look a bit crook, mate. What? Crook? It means sick or broken. The example I'm giving is, you're looking a bit crook, mate. The only thing more frightening than these rats is the parlance of a criminal nation.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I know we got some... It's not a criminal nation. It is a nation of criminals. I know. Yeah, the nation is perfectly legitimate. Don's not a criminal nation. It is a nation of criminals. I know. Yeah, the nation is perfectly legitimate. Don't badmouth the nation.

You're right. It's just the people that live in it. Let's go. The one that threw a book at Mrs. O'Lady and missed moves into a better position so it can just, like, throw a book straight down on your ugly little head. What? Beautiful. Matthews, not Mrs. O'Ladies. How dare you bring Lynn Cohen's head into this?

16 to hit, Mrs. O. Miss. Wow. Nice. Candle of National Armor, baby. That always saves the day. Best friend, all of a sudden you see behind you, or you hear behind you, as this rattling that was on the other side just appears behind you.

What the actual fuck? It just goes and appears right behind you, and it just stands there. So you are now surrounded on both sides by these horrible, me-looking creatures. Wow. It is Sheila's turn. All right, Sheila is going to pop another bomb off his belt, shake it up, and throw it again at the swarm.

Okay, at the swarm that I forgot to take an action for. Yeah, that is another hit, even with a minus one, and that is six more points of fire damage. You've taken out the swarm. Whoa! Hey!

All right! This is as effective as Andrew Bogut. All right, so that swarm is gone. And you see that as that swarm dissipates, it wasn't like a real swarm of rats, but more it seemed celestial in nature, as if it was summoned. Oh, dear. Best friend. of rats, but more it seemed celestial in nature, as if it was summoned.

Best friend, you got a ratling in front of you and a ratling behind you. What do you do? Damn, and I'm stuck in the middle with them. And death. And your death. Shit. And they're both unharmed at this point, correct? As far as you know. Fuck. Best friend will charge

backwards at this creature Grant oh god Grant Grant you're a disappointment oh god You're a disappointment. It's really uncanny.

Get close to Troy if you can. Anyway. Yeah, no, I'm going to swing at this awful Troy monster. Natural fucking one. Yes. Yes, it's because you're deaf, bro. Joe, give it to me and give it to me good. Can we pick one from Seattle just in case?

I think that'd be fun. You got any Pacific Northwest fan fumbles? This one's called Salmon Rain Salmon Rain Yeah, we are We have Phil from Tacoma, Washington Hey, Phil! Hey! Front row!

We're going to call him Front Row Phil! Front Row Phil! Front Row Phil! Front Row Phil! Front Row Phil! Oh, man. I was like, wait, are we sure we should be cheering? Well, yeah, no, this is a horrible thing.

Yeah, it's pretty bad. In fact, I think we might have had it before. Butterfingers. Oh, that sounds familiar. Am I Bart Simpson now? You lose your grip on your weapon as you attempt to attack. It flies out of your hands and lands in an adjacent square. Roll a D8 to determine where it lands.

Oh, my God. It could land right on Sheila's head. It could land straight down on Sheila. Let me tell you what the numbers are before you roll it. We'll start up and to the left is one. So one is up and to the left. Two is right in front of you, and then it goes around all the way. So I'm eight.

You are eight. Okay. Please don't hurt my best friend. That's all I want. You're my best friend, Mike. Three. Okay. So it flies into the courtyard.

Through the wall? Actually, it hits the wall and just lands right in front of your feet. Oh, great. Not terrible. Front row fill. All right, let's go to front row fill. For a relatively harmless fumble. All right.

Front row fill. Mrs. O'Lady. Mrs. O'Lady is like, how dare you profane these instruments of knowledge? And she's going to, well, I can do it too. And then she's going to use a telekinetic projectile to send one of the books directly back at the face of this rat creature. Hypocrite! We'll deal with that later. Roll to hit, buddy.

90, 18. 21. That'll do. How much. Roll to hit, buddy. 90, 18. 21. That'll do. How much damage? Six points of damage. Throw Matt. Just smack him in the face with a book. Yeah.

Throw the book at him. Throw the book at him. And then I will move. Where are you going to move? There. Okay. Right there. And then I will move Where are you going to move? Right There Right there, right in perfect range Of this rat

Oh no, you cast light on yourself, right? You should have an aura maybe James, you are up, good buddy James is going to Back off of this Silent image tactic For the moment, they seem to be all over us And he's going to look up at the one image tactic for the moment. They seem to be all over us.

And he's going to look up at the one that was just over Mrs. O'Lady. He's going to turn to his side, reach his claw out, and do a blinding ray at the creature and see if he can't blind it.

Okay. So, and this is the one, which one? The one that, yeah, that one. Right, okay, the one that just threw a book at Mrs. O'Lady that Mrs. O'Lady threw that book right back. Yes. Okay. You put that back according to the Dewey Decimal System where you found it.

No, he shouldn't put it back himself. Leave it on the shelf so that the librarians can put it back. You're right. They hate that when the people put it back themselves. We also don't know if they use Library of Congress to sort their books or not. That is so true. That is so true. Apparently it's a much more usable

system. I heard that too. I read it in Vanity Fair. Alright, so first I'm going to roll a chance to fail. Okay. And lose it. 29. Alright. So he gets it off. Now it's a ranged touch attack. Okay. And lose it. 29. Alright. Alright, so he gets it off. Now it's a ranged touch attack. 19. Yeah.

You got it. And the creature, if it is a my HD, 2 HD or lower, it is blinded for one round. Uh, 2 HD or lower? Yeah. 2 HD or lower? Yeah.

2 HD or lower, you say? Yeah. What was the question again? That was 2 HD or lower, Skip. How many HD? It is not. Ah. It's higher than that?

It's higher, yeah. Oh, great. So they're higher HD than... Oh, fuck. It's dazzled. It's dazzled. It's dazzled. Woo!

Woo! What is dazzled, Joe? Minus one. Minus one to attacks? Yeah. You really showed it. Oh. It is going to throw a book at Mrs. O'Lady. Hold on.

I'm going to move out of the room. Because it's its turn. I'm going to move out of the room. You're leaving. Just out of the room. You have the light. Oh, no, you don't. It's going to throw at Mrs. O'Lady at a minus one

because it was just blown away by your flourish. Shit, that's a straight up miss. There you go. It was so dazzled. There you go, O'Lady. Stop throwing books. All right, now the other ones that are dealing with best friend will flank best friend.

Spoiler alert, they get sneak attack damage. So that one comes up and goes to bite best friend, who is now flanked by two of these rats. Fucking miss with a bite. How do you miss with a bite? Yeah, baby. The other one will try to bite, and I rolled another four. Yeah, Seattle! Bite, bite.

Thank you. Send me that front row fill energy. What absolute garbage. You guys know that you're getting a huge chance here. Please take advantage of it. It is Sheila's turn. Sheila is a stay away from our best friend

whose name happens to be best friend. And he steps back, and he is going to throw a bomb behind the one to the south of best friend and hit him with a splash damage. That's a... Oh, actually, I don't know. So we never rolled to see how many rounds I was affected by the fumble.

So it's been two rounds so far. It was one to three. One to three? Yeah, one to three. I rolled a five. So this will be your last round that you're affected by. All right. So I'll roll to hit, and that is a ten to hit.

Okay. And that is minimum damage, so that's 5 damage. 5 fire damage. Okay, but best friend doesn't take any of it. Right. Okay, but that guy just took 5 points of damage. Oh, and before I relinquish my time, I want to say hi to my dad, who is a huge fan. I just remembered he's a huge fan

of these videos. I want to say hello to him because he loves these. Aww. Aww. Yeah. Hi, Mr. Marr. Hi, Mr. Mar Hi Mr. Mar Hi Dad It is best friend's turn Best friend

You just heard a Explosion behind you And heard the rat go This is impossible It's not great You're deaf and weaponless What do you want to do? Can I tumble through

The enemy's square Behind them, towards the back? Sure Hold on, let me look at my acrobatics Nope, negative four Shit, on a shingle Yeah I'm going to hope that they have a limited supply of books up here

And I'm going to jump down Jump down I mean, I'm going to incur an attack of opportunity either way Yeah Do you want to try and roll acrobatics to see if you just take the tumble Jump down. Jump down. I mean, I'm going to incur an attack of opportunity either way. Yeah. Do you want to try and roll acrobatics to see if you just take the tumble but not the attacks? Yes. All right, try it.

17 on the die for a fucking 13. All right, all you had to do was beat it, CMD. And you did. Yeah! Oh! All right, all you had to do was beat it, CMD. And you did. Yeah! All right. However, roll a second acrobatics check to see if you land softly. Okay. Nope.

One. You're prone and you take three points of damage. Okay. And you're weaponless. Your weapon is upstairs on top of that shelf. One of my weapons is upstairs, Troy. Well, I'm just keeping people posted. It is Mrs. O'Lady's turn.

Bleed. Mate? Oh, bleed damage. Oh, thank you. That's a good time to speak up. It is one 2d20 bleed damage, I think. Yep, 2d20. Wow.

That seems really high. Yeah, for a second level. That seems unusual. Yeah, it does seem like a lot. Ooh, six points of bleed damage. Oh, dude. Bleed. Bleed. Oh, that's me, right?

Yeah, that's you. I was like, Grant, you're taking that exceptionally well. Yeah, you were looking at us like, that sucks for whoever took that damage. Yeah, I was really hoping it'd be Troy. Yeah, that's what we're going to do there. All right, so you are bleeding out, Mrs. L. May the knowledge you might have gained

from reading the book inflame your brain now! And she'll roll a will-send. You roll a will-send. You roll a will-send. No, thank you. Let me get my neon green. Oh, boy. Troy's gonna roll.

Troy's gonna roll. You're totally screwed. Ten. Get him. You fail, and you take 11 points of damage from my mind thrust. Oh, yeah, mind thrust. Which one? The one I threw the book at.

He's dead. Yeah! Nice. Yes! He had a family. You could have read that book. And bettered yourself. Do you move?

Yes. Okay. It's a PSA. Stop throwing books and start reading them. James, new round. James is going to five foot step into the room and load his crossbow and fire it at this creature in the back here. into the room and load his crossbow and

fire it at this creature in the back here. Five foot step, load and shoot at the creature up top there. Yeah, I'm gonna say you got a pretty clean shot. Okay. See if we can get anything here. 15.

No, not gonna do it, buddy. Miss. And that's it for you. Yeah. Miss. Alright. Alright. Alright. I see how this works. So, the two creatures up top,

the one standing on top of the square, or on the square where your weapon is on, just like, really, really creepily, spider climbs down to you. Oh, no! And gets right next to you, best friend, and goes in for a sweet

bite. Come on. 16? Miss. Yeah! Okay. And then the other one just dimension doors over to, on top of the bookcase where the one that just died is. And stays there. And it is now Sheila's turn.

Come on, Sheila. Sheila is, from where he stands, he is going to say, Stole your wife from all best friends! And he throws another bomb right behind the one that's fighting best friend. Okay. And he has full damage now. That is a six against a five AC. Yeah, yeah, I'll hit. That's a stationary target.

And that is six points of damage. Okay, six points of splash damage. That definitely hurt. Do you want to move at all, Sheila? That's a lot of base. Do you want to move, Sheila? No, yeah. I'm scared now, but I'm going to stay right there.

You're going to stay right there. It is best friend's turn. Best friend, you're deaf. You lost one of your weapons. And you're bleeding. Why don't we resolve that bleed damage real quick? Prone as well. Three points of bleed damage.

This is not good. So I can't five foot step prone away from this creature, so I probably will take an attack of opportunity no matter what I do. Will the attack of opportunity resolve before whatever action I attempt to do happens? I don't understand the question, so I won't answer. Yes, the attack of opportunity resolves before the action that triggers it. Thank you, Joseph. I appreciate it.

So, then, as the coward... Oh, no, I have to stand up and... Can I roll? You can crawl away. Okay. Actually, you can't do that, because that is a specific, like, rogue talent to be talent to be able to crawl away without incurring an attack. Does anybody remember this from the Glass Cannon podcast?

Oh, yes. In the Battle of Trunel, Lork was trying to do it in that crenellated tower. He was prone and he was like, can I just roll away? Yeah, you can crawl very slowly, but you'll provoke. Oh, okay. All right, if I'm going to take the attack either way, I can crawl at like half my speed? I believe so.

Okay, so I'm going to crawl away 15 feet and see if I even get that far. Do you cry while you're doing it? It goes to bite you as you crawl 17. Miss! Yes! So you're just crawling and crying. And then now that I'm away from the creature with that move action,

I'm going to cast Cure Light Wounds and spend a blessing to empower it with 50% extra healing. Okay, that will stop the bleeding. And go ahead and give yourself whatever you get. Seven points of healing for a total of ten. This is O Lady. I will take, I assume there's some sort of unattended small object around? Yeah, there's plenty of them.

There's books everywhere. Deadly, deadly, sharp-edged books. I'll use the deadliest book and telekinetic projectile. I had the one that just demented you. You see a copy of Dianetics. That'll be fine. 11 to hit. So sorry.

So sorry. I guess we know what you like. It is now a new round and it's James' turn. This thing jumped up over top of him there, like 10 feet away enough. It didn't even jump. It just went out and appeared.

It appeared. Does James have a shot at him? Or is the angle not giving him a good shot? It's not a great angle. It's going to get a little bonus. But, yeah, you can definitely shoot at it. All right. He's going to get out of the room if he has any cover because James is, you know, he's gotta get out of there.

He's gonna back off about 10 feet and load the crossbow. Backs off, loads the crossbow. He O'Briens his turn. Alright, the one that was going after James now moves right up to Sheila and goes

to take a bite out of crime. That's gonna be a 22. Yeah, that's a hit. All right. You're going to take two points of damage. Okay. And you will take bleed damage on your turn. Oh, boy.

The other one just appears right behind James in the admissions area. I love this. This is great. It is Sheila's turn. Sheila, this thing now is right up next to you. And you know that throwing any type of bomb would provoke. Well, Sheila is going to take a five-foot step back. Okay.

Standing right between old lady and best friend or to the right? Actually, no. He's going to take a five foot step in front of best friend. Ah, okay. And he's going to throw a bomb directly at this creature. Directly at it. Take it.

That is a 19 against touch AC. That's a hit. Yeah! And that's 10 points of fire damage, baby! It dies. Yeah! Sheila!

It dies, and it is now... It was a real cool kumite! It is now Best Friend's turn. I love you more than Prince loves Sheila E. Anyway, let's continue. Best Friend will spend a move action to get up and as part of that move action

will draw his cold iron kukri, the weapon he found in the asylum when he woke up, and he will run out to defend James's honor. So let me see how many move at. 5, 10, 15, 20, 25. Yeah, I'll get it right next to James with my final move of the round. Okay.

So you, did you provoke at all? No. No. Not at all. You were able to get by? Okay. Mrs. Old Lady. He thinks that I'm the enemy because I'm a rat, and that's messed up.

No, it's truly messed up. It's really messed up. Oh, I see. I really did think that was it. I know what you thought. Sorry. No, you're not. My father thought all rats looked alike. It's learned behavior.

It is Mrs. Old Lady's turn. Roll a will save. Oh, yeah. Oh, yes. O'Lady's turn. Roll a Wilson. Oh, yeah. Oh, yes. All right, five. Fail. Come on. You take nine points of damage.

Yeah! And yeah, you could actually see it. It's a new round. It's James' turn. James, you're directly next to this thing. Roll a perception check. Okay. Four. Yeah, you're directly next to this thing. Roll a perception check. Okay. Four.

Yeah. It's a painful night, man. You think this is the end of your life. Yeah. Alright, well, thinking that, this thing appears behind him. He's gonna whip around, see it. Clever girl. And he looks right at it. They're looking like eye to eye,

rat to rat, you know? And he's like, I don't know if you've seen this one before. He casts a spell. Let's see if it, oh, and he's got to do the Jonski. And he fails, so he does not cast offensively. So he loses the spell, right? And he just, and nothing happens. I don't know if you've seen this one before.

What's happening? and he just, and nothing happens. I don't know if you've seen this one before. What's happening? Stop me if you're, I don't think you're losing smell. Quick question. Can you see me? Yes. Damn it. And he's just standing there, and then

I'll just take a five foot step back. Well, you don't even have to do that because you do that whole flourish and the creature, like, cowers in fear. Oh. Please don't. I feel sorry for him now. Please. Please don't hurt me. Oh, no.

Best friend, finish him. Please. He's left himself open. The fool. Please. Please don't kill me Typical rat Wait, wait

We might be able to learn something interesting from this one Please You've killed my family Don't kill me What is your name? My name is Jenny Two-Tail I can't help but notice

you have only one tail. How dare you? I have two. And you see, like, growing out of her back are these two wormy-looking tails

that kind of move in opposite directions. Oh, forgive me. I failed my perception check. Please. Please. I mean you no harm. Sense motive. Wait. No, I don't think we need to roll a sense motive. I mean you no harm. Sense motive.

Wait, no, I don't think we need to roll a sense motive. I mean you no harm. I mean, it did mean us harm. Yeah, okay. In good future tense. Minutes ago I meant you harm. But right now I'm pleading for my life. You've killed my mother and my father.

Listen, I'm sorry, Jenny. It is Jenny, isn't it? It is Jenny. Listen, I'm sorry about your friends. No, they're my parents. Parents? Yes, Frederick and Marguerite. Oh, no, that's terrible.

That's truly terrible. And I'm sorry also about the horrible nickname you've been given because of your physical deformity. That was our family name! Well, in any case... I come from a long line of two-tans. We will let you go if, on the condition that you agree to stand on my head under a hat.

Pull the hairs on my head to direct me into French cooking. Go, go, go. The ways of Hope Cuisine. Go on. Now, I haven't cleared this with the rest of the party, but I think it would be a pretty good idea. I'm not. I invested zero points in profession cooking.

All right, kill her. I couldn't. No, please. Yes, I will be your cooking guide. Just please don't kill me. Where did you come from? I came from below this horrible place. When the ground shook,

it destroyed our warrens beneath this building, so we were forced to climb up here. My parents and I, my now-dead parents, Frederick and Marguerite. Miss Two-Tails? Yes? I think we can

promise to let you go as long as you promise to do something for us. We need you to skitter along further north and spy on a man we know is named Ulfer Zandalus and report back to us. What?

Yes, you must, or else I'll chop your head off right here. No, please, no, please. As you can see, we're useless in combat. Useless in combat, but not in stealth. You can dimension door. I can do this. And she like appears left and right. But that's about it.

Fascinating. My to hit is garbage. But I will do anything for you. If you want me to look for this creature, I will. I will move north and look for this Zandaloose. But there are beasts roaming the hallways. Oh, please tell us more about these beasts and how to avoid them.

Well, I have avoided them by coming here to this library, the only sanctuary that we've found since our warrens were destroyed. And yet you did not read the books. You hurled them at our faces. I never learned to read! Frederick and Marguerite were to teach me tomorrow.

Tomorrow? Oh, no. We had talked about it for weeks. One day. One more day. Oh, how I looked forward to the day that I could learn to read. Oh, no. Would you like to learn?

What? Would you like to learn to What? Would you like to learn to read? I would love that. You report back on Zanderloos to us, and I will hook you on phonics, my friend. You dumb been hooked up? Hooked. All right.

So let me get this straight. I'm to continue north looking for Alvazandalus. Yes, he should be the leader of a group of people in orbament robes. That's a yellowish orange in case you aren't familiar.

How do you spell that? O-R... It doesn't matter. I can't read. Bottlecap. Bottlecap. That's really good. The best thing you've done all night.

What? Describe this Zandalus to me. And don't use any fancy words. Well, we have his file, right? We have his file. Take a look at that file. We have a Polaroid. Here's a Polaroid.

This doesn't make any sense! Those are symbols! I like seeing scribbles! We read some salient details from the file to Jenny Two-Tails. All right. Okay. So here's... Let me make sure I'm getting this correct.

I will... My life will be spared, unlike my parents... Yes. ...if I continue north and look for word of Xanderloos and bring it to you. Yes. All right. And if you come back alive

with good intelligence and if you are very well behaved, I will teach you to read. All right. That seems more than fair. And what will you do whilst I do this?

We will continue on and read the things in this library. We'll have a list of recommendations for when you can read. Is there a book on the adoption of rat people? I'd love to be your parent. I don't know! Oh!

I should have directed that at Mrs. Old Lady. I'm sorry. It was rather callous of me. I have but one request. Yes? If I return here with or without news of Xander Luce but alive, my parents will need a barrier.

I don't know how to spell their names for the tombstone. Would you help me? I would be honored. Their names were Magritte. What were their names? Frederick and Marguerite. Why were you on a first name basis with your parents?

I know my parents' first names. Yeah, but I can't... Come on, Matthew. This is why... What sort of lying scum knows their parents' first names? The deal is off. Kill her.

No, please. All right. I will... I will do this. You know what I have asked, and I know what you have asked. I would ask you to write me a list to remember, but again, it would be useless in my hands.

But I think I have it. All right. I'll see you later. And she goes through the north door of this room. Of the library? Of the library. And you do see now you as the fight has ended and Jenny Two-Tails

son of Frederick and Marguerite Two-Tails daughter daughter daughter sorry she doesn't know the difference

between the two words she takes off to the north solo and you are left in this gigantic She takes off to the north, solo. And you are left in this gigantic, empty library. Two bodies lying on the ground, parents of Jenny Two-Tail. Innocence. Innocence.

This is your favorite thing. You're trying to kill us. And you're like, this innocent creature. Innocence in a war. You're trying to gaslight us into the innocence of the creatures that just tried to kill us. They had no interest in being a part of it. I mean, to be fair, the earthquake did disturb their habitat and they didn't know. That didn't mean they had to come after us.

We would have been very reasonable. Yeah. James is immediately going to the books. He doesn't care about the bodies. He's trying to scan as quickly as he can to see if there's anything that jumps out about the Elder Mythos. Roll a perception check. I mean, there are a ton of books in here. Yeah, yeah.

Four. Four. This has been a night. 25. Everybody can roll perception. You're looking through here. Yeah, yeah. Four. Four. This has been a night. 25. Everybody can roll perception. You're looking through here. 25. 25. Eight. 25 also. Okay. So best friend and James,

maybe you're still emotionally scarred by being deafened and murderers of two innocent rattling parents. But best, excuse me, Sheila and Mrs. O'Lady, you see like this library boasts an impressive collection of texts covering advanced psychological theories,

treatments for certain diseases, common medical practices, and also matters of regional record, things that have happened in the area. You see, if you open a lot of the books, many of the copies have the stamp of Rosenport's Cinco Macti School of Sciences, like they were borrowed from there

and added to this library, or taken from there and added to this library. They have the stamp of this. So, lady, you're walking along, and you see one book that sort of jumps out amongst all the others, and it jumps out for two reasons. One, up in the right-hand corner of the book is sort of an embossed image of James.

What? What? The second reason that it jumps out at you is that it's just the cover of the book. All of the pages inside of it have been torn out purposefully. How dare they?

What's the title of the book? It says, The Life and Death of Atticus Grimm. What? By James Netherford. What? What? And we'llford. What? What?

And we'll see you in Indianapolis. That's it! That's it! Outro Music