The Glass Cannon Podcast - Strange Aeons Episode 8 – I Stole Her Soul

Episode Date: June 2, 2022

We kicked off GenCon 2019 with the first of two sold out shows at the HI-FI in Indianapolis and things were out of control as usual. The secrets of Briarstone Asylum continued to come to light and a familiar face made their not so triumphant return! Join Troy Lavallee, Joe O'Brien, Skid Maher, Grant Berger and Matthew Capodicasa of The Glass Cannon Network along with special guest Paizo's own Erik Mona as they continue the Lovecraftian Horror Strange Aeons Adventure Path! Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/p4KWkCCbiJg Recap 19:07 Gameplay 24:27 For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com and for exclusive content and benefits, subscribe today at patreon.com/glasscannon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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It's made with pH-balancing minerals and crafted with skin-conditioning oils. So whether you're going for a run or just running late, do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't. Find Secret at your nearest Walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. holy shit indianapolis oh my goodness look at this place oh it's amazing in here right now. We got people standing up. We got tour shirts. This must be what Avril Lavigne feels like every night. Every night of the week. She must feel like this.

You know, we need to really rock star it up tonight. Right? It's that kind of joint. This is a rock club. If by the end of the night Joe isn't holding back Matthew's hair while he pukes into the toilet while Skid's doing

bumps off of Grant's ass and I'm driving a Rolls Royce into the Omni Hotel pool. If we haven't done that then this whole business has been a failure. I will shut it down. You will shut the whole thing down if Skid is not doing bumps off of Grant's ass? Listen, I can promise. That's real dangerous.

For Burger 2020, Skid will do bumps off of my ass. That's a promise I can promise. I can guarantee. For Burger 2020, Skid will do bumps off of my ass. That's a promise I can make to the people of Indiana and the people of the United States of America. You know what? I don't condone drug use, but new Patreon goal? Can't I just do a single line?

Because I don't want to keep going back if I got into his ass. I just want to do it once and get it over with. We'll discuss it backstage after the show. Grant has been working out. He has. That's true. He's been soul cycling like a motherfucker.

What a way to start off Gen Con week. Huh? What a way to start off Gen Con week. Because of course, of course, I told Joe stupidly my travel plans a few months ago. He got on my plane and all of our flights got canceled. We've never flown together before.

Classic O'Brien luck. I was like, Joe, I was making jokes. I'm like, I'll be in first class. I'll see you in the last row. All our flights got canceled. All of our flights, except Mr. Natural 17 over here, Grant Berger.

He's the only asshole that made it to Indianapolis last night, and I'm laying in bed last night We were on the same plane and I didn't make it Unbelievable Only Grant I'm laying in bed last night and I'm like I just picture him in our Airbnb

Five bedroom Airbnb all by himself Just rubbing his dick on our pillows I assume that's what he does Joe called me today And was like what's up buddy I'm in Detroit right now or Atlanta So I assume you're doing naked yoga In the living room

And I said excuse me I am wearing underpants How dare you I always assume the worst with you So I got up at Most of us got up at 5 a.m. today. We're all wired as hell. I flew to Boston.

Go Sox. Hung out there for three hours, made it to India, and the whole time I'm thinking, like, I'm pissed, because we missed a whole day of Gen Con, so I'm pissed about that. I'm pissed that I missed my flight.

But I'm also just like, I just want to make show. I just want to make show. Show. For'm also just like I just want to make show I just want to make show I want to make show I just want to make show Your wish has been granted Troy you made show I did it

I did it Sorry I'm slurring my words. I did a bump off of Grant's ass earlier. No, I'm obviously, I want to get to Gen Con. I don't want to miss a day of Gen Con. I want to hang out with my buddies and not have to only focus about work,

but mainly I want to make sure that we put on a hell of a show for this sold-out crowd. I want to make sure that we not only entertain them, but we change their life. Tonight. So here we are,

and our only goal is to change your life tonight. And if that doesn't happen, I'm sorry, there's no refund. Well, no, it's okay. If we can only change one person's life... Just one. That is not enough, because we have to change them all.

Troy, you've changed my life. That's true. In what way? Very negatively. I was really hoping that would take a positive turn. I used to have more hair. I used to have less anxiety. I used to be a kinder

person. Wait, you too? I have so much more anxiety since I've been friends with him. Yeah, it's very strange. It just radiates off me. It really does. You infect people with it. So thank you, Troy. You changed my life. You're welcome, if that's what you're getting around

to. I'm going to tell you a little story. Friends, because we're all friends here. Not Grant. But about eight months ago, our talent manager, our booking agent was like, we were talking about doing shows at Gen Con, and he's like, what if

you guys did two shows at Gen Con? And I laughed and I laughed. I laughed because I was worried about, for one thing, having to prep multiple shows. I can't just show up and learn my spells two minutes before I come on stage like Matthew.

I have to actually do work. That is not fair. Because he does not learn his spells. That's true. I was going to say, he doesn't learn them. That's true. Thank you, Skid. Why do you think I have a computer in front of me? So you can look up spells from the Goblin Handbook? What was that thing you did?

The mud throw thing? Ooh, that's fun. But I was also worried from a business standpoint. I'm like, can we sell both shows? What if one show is full and the other one's half full? Shows might cannibalize each other. Let me tell you something, folks. That was the last time I ever doubted Glass Cannon Nation.

And for that, we're going to give you a standing O. Come on, guys. Especially you. Satisfactory Satisfactory Speaking of satisfactory Matthew Cabotacaz everybody Yeah Matthew

Welcome to Indianapolis Little known fact, Matthew just arrived Ten minutes ago It's true Now Matthew was not with us When we came to our first Gen Con Two years ago because you were Busy writing a play that no one would ever see

Am I correct? That's what my notes say A play no one would ever see? Am I correct? It actually was my best friend's bachelor party, but thanks. A play no one would ever see. Yes, that's what I have here. No, honestly, Matthew, I am glad you're with us tonight. Me too. Because where our wives and girlfriend aren't here, we need someone to look at us disapprovingly all weekend.

Just to remind us of home. We'll have that cozy feeling. That's what Matthew brings us. Grant, you sweaty piece of Texas toast. How are you? I'm glad to be in Indianapolis. I can tell you that much. Why are you glad?

I'm glad because we are at the best four days in gaming. And we get to spend it with the Nash. I'm also super thankful for Chelsea and Wes. They've done such an amazing job. This venue is great. The high five is great. And in classic GCP spirit, please tip your bartenders very well. Yes, but not your waitstaff.

Hey, easy on that. I'm just he only said bartenders. I'm just trying to follow along with Grant's logic. You know what they say about Grant? You can take the boy out of Texas, but you can't stop him from angrily bear-hugging you while he's had one whiskey. So when you see him later lifting me up in the VIP room,

just know that I don't want to be there. And it really hurts. Just bruising vertebrae. That's what he does every single time. want to be there. And it really hurts. Just bruising vertebrae. That's what he does. Every single time. In a murder case, you need plausible deniability. And I can just tell a judge, I was just hugging him, man. I'm always like, ha ha ha, Grant, we're best friends.

Please put me down. That actually is an illegal defense, though. You know that, right? Not in Indiana. Skidmar, everybody everybody Any Skid fans? Are there any Skid fans in the audience? I guess not I guess not Skid It's more of a

More of a Grant crowd Can't please them all How are you Skid? Skid you said you had a funny story Happen to you today Yeah I'm gonna bring this show to a grinding halt with the story that happened to me today. That's all right. I need five. There was, so I went

up, you know, all our flights got canceled and I went up to reschedule my flight this morning and I was in line and I was totally bleary-eyed and I was handing her something out of my wallet, a 50 maybe. And she was like, no, I need your ID. I was like, oh, okay. I gave her my ID. I said, ah, Mr. Marr. And the guy standing next to me in line at the next kiosk said, no, like, no, I need your ID. And I was like, oh, okay. I gave her my ID. I said, ah, Mr. Marr. And the guy standing next to

me in line at the next kiosk said, no, no, no. I'm Mr. Marr. And I looked over and I was just like, what? And she said, what? Dad? Yeah. You from the future? And it was like, the woman behind the counter was completely amazed, like way more than me or either of us.

She was just like, you're both named Marrs. Like she was, her mind was blown. And the weird thing, like he looked exactly like all of my uncles. Get right out of town. Yeah, think like retired minor league umpire. Like that's the build. They all have, but he had it too. And so, and he's just like, wow, that's so funny.

And so I go back and then she said, like I was flying to Atlanta and then connected to Indianapolis. And she was going through things like, oh wait wait it says your bag is going to indiana indianapolis and the guy next to you the other mars said i'm from indiana and i was like do we have to fight now like i don't know what i don't know what the rules are because it's different from airport to airport so i wasn't sure he's like that's my state yeah but anyway that was pretty weird i wish he had pulled you aside and was like, I have a message from the year 2038.

Don't get on this plane. Don't do that show with the hi-fi. I know you, even if this guy was a crazy person, you wouldn't get on that plane. I would not get on the plane. You can't get on that plane. It is canon that Skid will eventually travel through time. That's true. He bought the rubies for that reason.

That's how you know if it's actually Skid if he has the synthetic rubies, but it's the future now and you can detect them so it's really confusing. You really should have said, show me the rubies. I'm sure that wouldn't have weirded him out at all. Yeah, if he's like, I'm a Maher too, and then you lean over and you're like, did you bring the

rubies? And he's just like, what the fuck? Yeah. Well, he also had two kids, so I'm like, I have to do everything I can to avoid this future. It's the darkest timeline. Well, that's Matthew Grant Skid. I think that's everybody.

Oh, no. How could I forget? Let me read my notes here. You know, Webster has many definitions for the word loser. It's all right. He knows what he is. I'll read them to you.

The first is a person or thing that loses or has lost something, especially a game or contest. First definition. The second is a black hole full of cheese whiz. Colon. A trash bag person from Philadelphia. Joe O'Brien, everybody.

I love you. I love you. Joe, how are you, good buddy? Oh, I'm so fantastic. To be with my real friends, not my fake friends. Not your sham friends. Not my sham friends. Joe, you never looked more depressed than you did yesterday

when I saw you come up to me in the airport with two giant bags of merch, just really sad, and you were like, now I have to go sleep at the office in order to shitty take out. I did. I had to sleep on that awful couch in the office at 8.30, because it was like

I had to get up at 4. We will replace that couch when we hit the skid bump Patreon goal. All right. No, but are you... It's too early. It's really inappropriate. The sun's still out.

Actually, it is. Are you doing any better today? You made it here. Oh, yeah. I'm doing much better today. I got a good... I actually got a good night's sleep. I got on my flight. Everything went smooth, and now I'm an indie baby for Gen Con. I'm so psyched. I actually, I actually, a good night's sleep. I got on my flight. Everything went smooth. And now I'm an indie baby for Gen Con. I'm so psyched. I actually, unlike Troy, was at Gen Con today.

I got to see the floor. It is madness. Huge. And it's completely overwhelming. It's completely overwhelming. I was meditating for four hours in preparation for the show. By meditating, do you mean drinking craft beer one after another after another? Yes.

You know what I discovered in that same time? What? Don't order falafel in Detroit. Oh, no, you're kidding. You had to learn that? I learned that today. I feel like that should be the state motto. Welcome to Detroit. Stay away from the falafel. Do not order falafel.

Now, at our last show, way back in motto. Welcome to Detroit. Stay away from the falafel. Do not order falafel. Now, at our last show, way back in Seattle, back in 09, whenever it was. It feels like fucking forever ago. I had to lay down a couple ground rules for you ruffians. You ne'er-do-wells out there.

You know who you are. Yeah, they're right up here. You, madam. I'm looking right up. I see you with your beady eyes and your glasses. I'd like to quickly elaborate on those rules, especially at this rock club. Rule number one. Five shots each. Don't send us shots.

That's rule number one. I've been drinking since 7.30 a.m. Casually throughout the day You can't pass up a Bloody Mary When they're like Would you like anything to drink sir for free Yes everything

Don't send shots Just send beers Or Maybe send one round of shots No no I'm kidding Fireball No shots Guys seriously What about at the end of shots. Yeah. No, no, I'm kidding. Fireball. No, no shots.

Guys, seriously, no shots. What about at the end? Like, if they all pool their money and just get one round of shots? You know, that's not a bad idea. Save your money.

That would be 250 shots. No, no, one, no, just one round. Like, everyone pay me. Everybody throw in a nickel? Yeah. A hay penny? Yeah, a hay penny.

Everyone throw in a hay penny at the stage. And we'll dance for you and do a shot. Rule number two. Don't yell out Unless you're singing to the Just released Glass cannon sound set from Sirenscape

Oh Or You have something to say That you're sure will be funnier Than what either Skid or I will say And I will tell you this. That rule extends to everyone in the room.

Grant, Joe, and Matthew. Don't not be funny. They paid money to see this, Matthew. You don't have to remind me. I'm already sweating. It's very hot up here. Don't be yourself. Just don't be yourself.

Can we revise the rule about the shots then? That would help. I have a new rule just for Indianapolis. Indianapolis rule. Grant, where's that logo? That's... We didn't

work on this beforehand. It just looks like fine. I figured you could just put it up. There you go. Indianapolis rules. Yeah, Grant! Patreon money spent well. These high quality graphics.

Grant. No, too big. Hold on. Give me a second. Center it. Yeah, there we go. Center it, dude. At least get it off of right justified.

I know. It's not even centered. We'll see you Saturday, everybody. Wait, what was the Indianapolis rule? Here it is, folks. Yes. Have a great time. Maybe you got kids.

They're asleep. Have an extra cocktail tonight. Nobody's looking. I won't tell. If you see somebody cute, tell them they're cute. That's how babies are made. Not always.

You don't have to rush straight from cute to baby making. Ease your way and it's a long weekend. Always. It's very important. Always.

There we go Alright And finally This is part of rule three If there's something You want to do in your life But you're like I don't know if I can do it I don't know if it's a good idea

If I should do it or not You should just fucking do it Because if five dipshits like us can follow our dreams, literally anyone can. That's rule number three. Indianapolis. Just don't start a competing podcast.

Yeah, don't do that. We'll shut you down. With vigor. We will bury you in litigation until... No podcast. Don't ever use the word glass. Or podcasts. Or podcasts.

You know what? Don't follow your dreams. At the end of the day, it was probably a bad... It's safer if you just don't follow your dreams. Stay in your day job. Yeah, whatever you're doing. Whatever you do.

If you hate your job... If you follow your dreams, you've got to answer to him. That's what we're saying. It could be two hours of this and we won't even get to Stranger Things. Any chance you'd play any Pathfinder? I really enjoyed the show, but they bantered too much a cup. Shut up! Guys and gals,

you know the story by now, unless your significant other dragged you here, kicking and streaming. What does it mean when they praise log? Is this some sort of cult? Well, honey, they do it. Yeah, it's basically a cult. Yes, it's a cult. That's exactly what it is. Yeah, it's basically a cult.

Yes, it's a cult. That's exactly what it is. What they do here is a cult. Four heroes wake in a dungeon. Sirenscape. That was our first natural one of the night, everybody. Yeah. Still on Atlanta time.

Which is also Eastern Standard Time. That was the joke. Oh, okay. Four heroes wake up in a dungeon. No one knows who they are, but having eked out a means of survival together, they have names that they at least go by. You know, Mrs. O'Lady.

The one and only. Then there's Sheila. There's James the Rat Folk. And best friend. The setting of their living nightmare is some sort of ransacked asylum full of tortured expatiates and horrifying monsters. Eventually, they meet another group of survivors

holed up in the asylum's former chapel dedicated to Phrasma. They meet a priestess of Phrasma named Winter Klaxa, who's sort of the spiritual leader of this group of survivors. Winter lets them know what's up. There was an uprising of patients here at Briarstone Asylum, led by a patient by the name of Alvar Zandalus. Everybody said something different.

That's kind of like my experience going to Catholic Mass. Led by Oliver Zandalus. Go Hoosiers. Exactly. What'd you just say? Words failed. There was an uprising and the whole place went to shit. Eerie tremors shook the very foundations of the building

and strange creatures from the patient's dreams began to manifest and creep into the asylum as well. The heroes are tasked by Winter to help her find a way out for her and the survivors so they delve deeper into the asylum. By winter. To help her. Find a way out. For her and the survivors. So they delve deeper into the asylum. They try to go outside.

Once they finally reach the atrium. Looking for a way out. But the whole building. And the island that they're on. Is just surrounded by this thick. Cloying yellow fog. Not to mention these. Large tumorous piles. with faces that attack them.

They realize they can't go outside, so they head back inside and find multiple rooms with dead bodies wearing only yellow, stained rags. Some, as we found out last time in Seattle, even have bags over their head that were placed on there posthumously. That means after death, Joe, you dumb cheesesteak person. I knew what that meant.

I don't. Now you do. I thought it was pronounced posthumously, but I know what it means. So you learned something. Now you do. Thought it was pronounced posthumously, but I know what it is. I can't. So you learned something. From the lobby, there are a few doors that lead to mist-covered courtyards and one that leads to a library.

Having had enough of the monsters in the mist, they head to the library where they are quickly attacked by three ratlings who hurl books at them and dimension door all over the place. They kill two of the ratlings and the third surrenders. Her name is Jenny Two Tails. She explains that they just killed her parents and that she is illiterate.

In fact, the next day was the day her parents had promised to teach her to read But the heroes murdered her parents in cold blood These are facts Basically, the party makes a deal with Jenny Specifically Mrs. O'Lady It's like, you go north Find out some intel of what's happening through these doors to the north. And if you come back, we'll teach you how to read. So she goes off through the north doors,

and they start looking through the library. And as they're looking at these, these shelves go 15 or so feet high. I think it's Mrs. O'Lady that finds one book, a very interesting book that has a picture of James on it. All the pages are missing, but it says, The Life and Death of Atticus Grimm by James Netherford. And that is where we open our story today. Yes. Yes. So I'm going to let you guys talk.

I'm going to hit up the bar. Now, what do you guys want to do? Mrs. O'Lady picked up the book. Yes. That you're holding the book. And she says the following. Holding up the book for everyone to see. That's her contribution.

Sheila says, what do you got there? That looks like a real rape snorter. Let me see that. James grabs it, tries to pull it closer. What is this? Turns it over. You said that there's an image of him on it? Yeah.

It's on the back of the book. Like an author photo? Not necessarily. It's not just a copy the book. Like an author photo. Not necessarily. It's not just a copy of Secret of Nim, right? It's just like a rat on it. We're all a perception check. The book is called Mrs. Frisbee and the Rats of Nim. That's true.

You're right. You're a loser. No, no. I was talking about the novelization of the movie that was adapted from the book, Mrs. Frisbee and the Secret of Nim. My mistake. It's, you know, just the lettering is on the front, very clear, very sparse. Life and death of Atticus Grimm.

On the back is a picture of James with no words whatsoever. And then on the spine of the book is a smaller picture of him as well. He grabs this book. This is so familiar to me. I know this name.

Netherford. Is it yours? Or are you Atticus Grimm? It must be. I've never heard this name. Atticus Grimm. I don't know. But what is this? Am I an author? A biographer?

Does James look like his current form in this picture, or does he look like the form he insisted he once came from? No, he looks like a rat folk. James, it appears, if this is you, that a complication has come into the theory. You told me that this isn't your body. Maybe it always was your visage.

No, it can't be. There's no possible way. It is like everything else in this place. He's starting to get agitated. Is there a blurb on the dust cover? He opens it up. You open it and you just see all the pages have been forcibly

removed, and there's no writing at all on either the front or the back cover. He slams it shut again. It's just like everything else in this place. It's designed to confuse and to twist the truth into something it is not. I know this name, James Netherfeld.

Feld? Field? Ford. Ford. Ford, like crossing a river. Yes, that was it. James Netherfeld. Fold. Felt? Field? Ford. Ford. Ford, like crossing a river, yes. That was it. James Netherfield. I know this name. It is so familiar to me, and I feel that... Stop it. You're embarrassing me in front of the audience.

I feel as if I'm being watched and laughed at. This place is making me crazy. They're all going to laugh at you. They're all going to laugh at you. But we're all missing our memories, James. Does this make you remember anything, even if you don't agree with it? It does. It makes me remember the name, but the picture cannot be right. I'm telling you, I am no rat folk.

They did something to me in here. They're showing me a, I don't know, something that has made me to think that I am this man, but I am not. I could not be. When you say the pages are forcibly removed, is it they've been ripped out in anger, or they've been cut out with an exacto knife? No, ripped out. It's frayed. It doesn't look like it was done with any sort of precision. No, it could even

be perhaps this is uh What's the other name? Oliver Zandalus? No, no, no. The name on the book. Grimm. Atticus Grimm. Jenny Two Tails. I know it would be a strange coincidence, but perhaps

this is Atticus Grimm. Maybe this I do this biography of this rat folk, and it lands me in this place. It lands me as a victim of this crime. They make me a rat folk as well. I don't know. What are you wearing in the picture? I don't recognize this gob. What is he wearing?

A Speedo. Oh, man. It's too trashy for me. It just says James on the butt. In fun letters. In a fun font. Wow. He's not wearing, obviously, the tattered rags that he's wearing now.

He looks like he's dressed in finery. Like a fine writer's coat? Yes. Like Matthew's wearing? Yes, sir. Is that what you call this? No, he looks more professional. Oh, okay.

He'll look like a real writer. Like respectable? Like, imagine Matthew, but respectable. No, not... No, no, no. I like that you think writers are respectable. Yeah. Well, again, this is a fantasy world.

James, I know we're looking for other things related to the occult in this library, but perhaps we could cross-reference the footnotes of the other books here if we spend some time here and dig in, maybe we can find a reference to it. Mrs. O'Lady, thank you for finding this. It is without doubt a great clue.

Forgive my outburst, but I am loath to stay in this place with the danger we are surrounded with. I am out of spells for the day, and I would very much like to rest. But surely a man of your learning must

feel comforted in an environment like this. I am, but I fear being, feeling too comfortable in a place like this. Something could jump on us at any moment, and I am completely without any, any way to defend myself. I must study, I must rest,

I must practice my spells. I've got to back up, James. I'm utterly rooted. Which means exhausted. Oh. I thought you were going to say not moving from your spot. Yeah, I know. Everything about Australian slang is completely counterintuitive.

It's like the southern hemisphere. Yeah, everything's backwards. Boo. Coriolis effect like everything. It's all backwards. All right, you're standing there. Everybody roll a perception check. A PC.

Ooh! 14. 16. 7. 19. All right, 19 and 16. Just beyond the north doors, you hear like a... What did I say?

What did I say? They're coming upon us already. What? We must flee. Well, I didn't hear anything. Oh, let me explain. It kind of went... Oh, sort of like...

There is something through the north door. But then there was... Oh, then the knocking. So! There is something through the north door. But then there was the... Oh, then the knocking. So like, ah! Now you've got it. Ah! Let's investigate. Mrs. O'Leary starts looking at it.

Starts making her way up to the north door. Does it sound monstrous? Or does it sound like a... Sounds like someone is in... Like a person is in pain. Oh. Like an innocent person? Yeah.

Roll a perception check to see if they're innocent. 94. Oh, you don't know. That's a sense motive. That should be a sense motive. Please. 91. All right.

You assumed they were innocent. No, you don't know. You just heard that and it stopped. It was like a screaming and then it stopped. Ooh, let's go. Let's go investigate. Just through the doors to the north. Yes. I failed you in the last battle. I fell and I

rolled away like a coward. Please allow me to open the doors. Is that alright with you, James? You look exasperated. That's his default state. I'm trying not to yell at people all the time to do what I say, so I'm going to shut my mouth. My palms are sweating.

I'm so scared of what is behind this door. Throwing up mom's spaghetti? You only get this one chance. Do not miss your shot to blow. This opportunity comes once in a lifetime, bro. Open that door! Clow! Best friend! Brat! Brat!

Best friend, please put your gun away. I've been Baron in disguise all along! Oh, man. Well, if nothing else, save your ammo, because we might need it. Follow Barron's Bullets on Twitter. You'll see my up-to-date bullet count.

I draw and load my crossbow. Okay. For the record. All right, who opens the door, if anyone? Best friend. Best friend, you open the door, and you see a horrific scene. Oh, God.

You see Jenny Two-Tails. Oh, no. No, no, no. Come on. No, dude. Lying on the ground. No. Covered in blood. It almost looks like her chest cavity has been ripped open.

Oh, no. And standing above her is someone you recognize. Hands covered in blood. It's Tiny Murder Clown. Ladies and gentlemen,

Mr. Eric Mona. What a treat. Eric Mona, what were you doing sleeping in our green room? I'm prepped and ready to go, Troy. Eric Mona, they just opened the doors And this is what they see They see Jenny Two Tails

Come on man Dead and tiny murder clown is up to his Elbows in Jenny's Blood and you just hear Jenny whimpering What about The reading hear Jenny whimpering, what about the reading? Hey!

Hello, my old friends! Woo! Look at my victory! I stole her soul! Oh! soul! I think we're all in a bit of a stunned silence at the moment. Tawny murder clown?

Is that you? It is! And with a flourish, he sends his hand across the sky and blood splatters all over your face. Rot blood. Well, I guess to look on the bright side of things, you've done your part to combat illiteracy.

Wow. Wow. You just have to tip your cap to a joke like that. You don't even laugh. You're just like, that was a good joke. Good joke.

Damn good joke. My friends, it's been so long. I lost track of you. What happened to you? What have you been up to? What happened to you? We thought you were dead. Well, it's been a...

Well, I thought I was dead for a while, too, but it turns out I live! Isn't that exciting? It is. It is nice to see a friendly face. Just yours, anyway, to know who you are. Same to you.

But how did you survive? Well, last I saw you guys, I ran away. He's going to tell. He's going to tell. He's going to tell. I ran away, and I was in a courtyard, and I started moving through a fog that seemed to grasp out at me

and pull me in different directions. Suddenly, something from above seemed to claw at me with its talons and lift me into the air. I was lifted aloft, and the last thing I remember is being dropped from a great height. And this is a little weird, but something was tickling me. Oh, no. That is not what I wanted to hear.

It was nice. Oh, no. That is not what I wanted to hear. It was not. Oh, man. After spending so much time in the strange asylum, it was great to laugh again. Best friend vomits into his hand. In between, Jenny Two-Tails being murdered in front of him. Wait, wait. Who's Jenny Two-Tails? The poor creature whose soul you stole, as you put it She powers me even now

I am a hungry ghost monk Not since the time I dined on the soul of that pathetic half-orc In the first room of the dungeon Have I felt so empowered by my murder I don't know, it's been a long time, you may have forgotten Murder is what I do best Murder! I don't know. It's been a long time. You may have forgotten. I resent the children. Murder is what I do best!

Oh, yes. That part I remember. But then, as I recall, the last thing we saw was you running away when we were in danger. Well, I mean, danger is scary, don't you think? Yeah. He's got you there. I mean, danger is scary, don't you think? Yeah, yeah. He's got you there. I thought, perhaps I'd, you know, take care of myself. And then I was tickled.

I fell unconscious. It was quite a tickling, let me tell you. When I awoke, I was in a room lying on the floor I can't remember how I got there, but I awoke to someone or something Clawing at the back of my head As I came to, I startled it And once I was fully awake, I was alone I walked into the hallway And I saw some strange and certainly evil rat creature.

Disgusting creatures, rats. But no matter how disgusting they may be, they still have a soul! So I ate it. Not the rat. The soul. I'm a hungry ghost monk. How did the soul taste?

It was delicious. It fills me with power that flows through my veins even now. Let us join together and I will bring that power to bear in service of the group. You realize as you're standing there talking to Tiny Murder Clown that you've opened up this new area of the group. You realize as you're standing there talking to Tiny Murder Clown that you've opened up this new area of the asylum and you're being quite loud.

Yeah. We should be quiet! And the best place to be quiet is in a library. Ah, yeah. Shall we? Keep your voice down, you nitwit. Get inside this door.

Can I bring Jenny Two Shoes or whatever it is? I'm not quite done dining. I'm her soul! Been a long time, folks. Great to see you again. Stop wasting time. Let's go. Before they hear us.

Are you going to come down in the library? Or are we going to... I'll come with you, sure. You're my friends, my best friends. I've never had friends stronger than you. Have you ever eaten a friend's soul? Or just, you know, randers? Just worthless animals like half-orcs and rats.

I mean, so far. He was a full orc, man. He was a full orc. But a little respect. I mean, based on his vitality, though, he felt like a half orc. He tasted sort of human. He died like a half orc.

I don't know what to say, but he was covered with tattoos that seemed like he was trying to prove something. But anyway, he fueled me for an hour or so. Do you think that Joe's former character would have worn like Ed Hardy shirts? I think he would have.

Went to this UFC pay-per-view. I wouldn't have made this character if I didn't think that. So you pull Tiny Murder Clown back into the library just for fear of alerting anything that could be to the north. And what do you want to do here? And let me tell you what your options are.

I mean, obviously, some of you are beat up. You're going to want to rest at some point. But now that you're in a library, a library that has lots of books. And I felt like I had something better to say. Lots of books. And I felt like I had something better to say. Lots of books. That's a library. You have an opportunity here to do some research.

Now, you may not want to do it now. You may want to do it after your rest. But the research in this library follows the research mechanics from Ultimate Intrigue. Anyone ever done the research mechanics here at the table? No, I've never done it.

Sure, I do all Pathfinder rules. Eric's like, research what? Has anyone out there played with the research mechanics from Ultimate Intrigue? Look at this table up front of just four dudes that get together on a weekend. They were like, I hope they talk about the research mechanics. That's why I bought tickets.

Let's fucking jig him, bro. I just want to hear about the research mechanics. That's why I bought tickets. Let's fucking jig in, bro. I just want to hear about the research mechanics and pump some iron. I knew it. I told you. All right, guys, let's get out of here. There's another CrossFit class at 10. I'll do some wall balls. How's CrossFit going, by the way, Troy?

Don't worry about it. I've been too busy studying research mechanics. Well, I have to say, I've been boning up researching the research mechanic. And I think it's actually really cool. I was talking to you backstage. It's like a cool kind of melding of, it feels like, original Pathfinder, Pathfinder 2nd Edition, and Starfinder. It's actually kind of an elegant

kind of emulation of what it would take to research something. It's pretty cool. Yeah, what it does is, like a lot of the Paizo supplements, it takes an established mechanic and embellishes upon it. In this case, it's knowledge checks. When you roll a knowledge check, I want to find out what that monster can do. Oh, it has, you know, DR5 bludgeoning. Well, no, this takes it to a knowledge checks. When you roll a knowledge check, I want to find out what that monster can do. Oh, it has, you know,

DR5 bludgeoning. Well, no, this takes it to a new level. When you're in a library or like a wizard study full of scrolls and books, you can spend periods of up to eight hours at a time doing uninterrupted study on various subjects.

The most intelligent among you or the one with the best relevant knowledge check, depending on the... This is the character, not real person, by the way. Oh, sorry. Yes, so do your best. The one with the most relevant knowledge check, depending on the library,

you can be aided by up to two other PCs who are trained in that same knowledge relevant to the library. And if you beat the DC, then the one who rolled the check gets to roll basically damage. It's kind of like damage against

the library. Take that, library! Shut your mouth when you're talking to me! I'll show you knowledge! And the library has knowledge points like a character would have hit points. It's actually more like a starship. That's why it's like starship combat.

Because it has tiers. There's thresholds. Like hit point thresholds that you get to. If you nail the check and roll a really good damage intelligence, you can crush and find out more knowledge as you suck it full of knowledge points. Once the knowledge points gets down to zero, you've learned everything you can learn in that library.

Can I interject? Sorry. Go ahead, Grant. I'm sorry. I just think what's amazing about this is you raised your hand as the person who would be rolling a lot of these checks as James. Oh, you think Mrs. O'Lady would? Oh, yeah. That's a good thing because if you roll a natural one on these checks, the DC

bumps up. Yeah, you can crit and you can fumble on that initial check, but Mrs. Old Lady is probably the best to roll it because Mrs. Old Lady, you have something that equates to skill focus, right? I have a methodical mind. I took the campaign trait methodical

mind, which for a skill that I chose, I effectively have skill focus in determining the damage dice I roll. Right. So instead of 1d4, which I think a Skid or a Joe could roll, I think you can roll 1d8 damage. I can roll 1d8. If it's a class skill, it's a 1d8. Yeah. Oh, so maybe it's even more.

Anyone with a class skill can roll a 1d8. Anyways, maybe you don't want to do this now. Maybe you want to rest. It's up to you guys. But when you start searching this library, researching it, we're going to use the research. Can I say something real quick? No. No, there's no time.

We have to move on. This is mainly speaking to the people that were dragged here, kicking and screaming by other people. When we went through this whole thing about doing standing room and having two nights of the high five. And we were all, I don't really know. It's like,

Oh, let's roll the dice. We'll do it. We'll see how it goes. Put on a good show. We'll make it a rock show. And then like two weeks ago you were like, let me explain the research mechanic.

And I was like, we have to, the big part of the show is going to be researching a library for standing room? You just have to figure out who's rolling the check, who's aiding, roll the check, roll the damage, I'll give you the info, and then you head north. That's all you got to do. Don't get me wrong. I love researching. I think researching is amazing.

I was going to say. As a geek, I think it's amazing. This is a room full of nerds. Right. Except that guy back there. No, he's cool. I can see him. He works here.

He's smoking a pipe. Yeah. Oh, that's a picture on the wall. All right, so what do you want to do? Do you want to rest or do you want to research? Tiny Murder Clown is now with you. How are your research skills, Tiny Murder Clown? They're not so good.

Who likes juggling? How are your research skills, Tiny Murder Clown? They're not so good. Who likes juggling? That was a serious question. I stick with resting. I feel like a good rest will give us the stamina we need for extended research. Yeah, I feel like I'm always harping about this, but it feels weird having open wounds on your body and just like, let's sit down and read for eight hours. It's like, well, we could cure you.

Nah. All right, so you're going to go rest and check in with Winter. That's probably smart. Sounds like it. Yeah, because she tasked you with going out there and seeing if you could find a way out, and you've got some bad news for her. There's no way out.

So you make your way back. Not to mention the Jenny Two-Tails news. She doesn't know about Jenny. She fuels me with power! Let's leave that out. Maybe keep Tiny Murder Clown in the library. You go back into the atrium. You go past that

wall that was covered with that strange aberration of an eye that blinked ammonia and shot out fangs at Sheila. That's gone now. It's just a door. You walk through that and you see Faustin York, the captain, standing there.

He just kind of bows to you knowing that you're heading back to the chapel. What do you do? We'll go to Winter right away, right? Report our findings. They walk in and they're all like, praise log. Praise log.

Welcome back. Yes, we praise the log thoroughly. May all your logs be smooth. May all your logs be smooth. This is actually cool. It's like walking into the room, like looking out at the crowd, like this is what we see. Yeah. It's this many people in the chapel. Yeah. All holding logs.

Yeah. Yeah, and we will go to winter and kind of report that there's no escape at the moment. Did you find a way out? Yes. Well, no. It's complicated. The doors that seem the way out are not the way out, and we've

had to wedge them closed due to an encroaching, horrible mist that seems to affect our minds. And is, I don't know, has some horrible effect on creatures outside. They're prowling the grounds. They don't give us any safe passage through which to escape the asylum. We've gone to other rooms as well. We've seen slaughters, bodies laying on the ground. It seems, whether ritualistic or not, this is amazing. I've just had a fresh beer delivered to me. Wow. Thank you.

Can you come to our home games? Praise Log indeed. Praise Log indeed. Praise beer. Are you saying there's no way out? I'm saying for now there's no way out. You must hold up here. You must stay.

This is the safest place you could be at the moment. We're still researching. We're still looking for a way out. And we've recently discovered a library which may give us some clues that we could use. But for now, no. I think this is the safest place you and all these wonderful people could be. Well, I understand what you're saying,

but I don't know how long we will be safe here. The library, for sure, could give you information, but I don't see how that will help us get out of here. It is disturbing, indeed, to hear that the roiling fogs we see outside of this stained glass window are truly impassable.

Do you believe if you continue throughout the asylum, you might be able to find a way out? Have you discovered anything that could lead us to believe there is a solution here? Well, and he looks to his allies, correct me if I'm wrong, but we believe we know where perhaps Zandalus is staying, where he's made his stand. Well, this is...

I'm sorry. Who is that? Oh, oh. How rude of us. You should... Don't talk to him. He, um... Keep him away from Oh, how rude of us. You should... Don't talk to him. He... Don't talk to him. Keep him away from the children, first and foremost.

It's probably best if we construct a rudimentary cage in which he could rest overnight. As I recall, Tiny Murder Clown is very good at cuddling. Cuddling! Yeah, it's what I do fourth best! And to be fair, you have a very creepy man guarding the children. Does anyone need to cuddle? You, lady, do you need to cuddle?

No. I've been very lonely. I need to cuddle. Who said that? Who's that? The guy holding the log. Oh. I haven't been cuddled in two years.

I'm going to go right up to that guy and hug the hell out of his leg. There he is, up at the top. Due north. He needs a good squeeze. The king of the praise log movement. So you guys, Troy? You guys cuddle.

Is he responding? Alright. Roll a perception check. Is he responding? All right. Roll a perception check. You should see his eyes from this close. It's disturbing. 94. Hard to tell. You're not 100% sure.

He's way into it. He's way into it. It's hard to tell, and it's smooth. Maybe it's what I do fit best. If you're going to bring people into here, I would prefer if you vetted them with me before you did. But I understand.

It's a bad idea to bring monsters in here. I would prefer if you didn't bring monsters. I'm not a monster. I'm a gnome. Just because I'm covered in blood up to my shoulders doesn't mean I'm a monster. It's a rat. Well, what is your plan now that you have this gnome?

Let's find out. Can we review some of your skills, actually? Oh, I steal souls. Yes. I'm very, very good at murder. Uh-huh. Laughter is what I do second best. I remember that.

For some reason, I'm also very good at tournaments. Good. All right. So we have laughter, murder, cuddling, tournaments, and stealing souls. Cuddling. We'll be fine. Can I ask how good at you is at sleeping alone? good at you at sleeping alone.

Because that may be the skill that we need to utilize most urgently right now. What I have found is that when laughter is applied, one seldom sleeps alone. But I have been very lonely. This place is an asylum. For all his faults, Winter,

he seems to have an extraordinary ability to stay alive in this horrible place, even alone. That should not be discounted, especially with the trials you may have ahead of you. He also always finds a way to look on the bright side. That's true. Optimism is important. Perhaps we could raise morale by asking for volunteers to cuddle and sleep next to Tiny Murder Clown. It could be anyone in this party, I suggest James, but also anyone within the camp of survivors. If they survive a night, it'll be an achievement. I have been so lonely these last few days.

That's not all I see in your eyes. There's a certain hunger, I admit, but mostly I am lonely. I want to cuddle. In a platonic sort of way. I feel as if the five of you should leave the adventure. You're not fit for the journey ahead.

Perhaps it best that you just rest here. I understand that you have not found a way out. Sleep here. Sleep, hopefully, without fitful dreams and nightmares. And then, if you don't mind, head back the way you came. Continue exploring. We need to find a way out.

Now that the Argus Wall is gone, anything could slip through here and find us. Take your new friend, the Cuddler. The Cuddler. And help us. You are our only hope. Who wants to be the big spoon? And so you rest. Yes.

Yes. With best friend as the big spoon. And you rest without any nightmares. And you wake up with all your powers back and your relevant HP based on your level plus con, what do you want to do? Was anyone too low to not get to full? Because I had fervor.

I could have healed anyone. No, James is good. If anyone was not good at... I need healing. Okay, I got you. I have four 1d6 heals. I think I can get you up. So let's say you burn those heals.

Everybody's at full. You wake up at full with all your powers. What do you want to do? James wakes up eager to go to the library. Yeah. I want to go to the library. It's research time. Yes.

Yes. Nothing gets me up early in the morning like a good research experiment. Yeah. I really enjoyed the Indianapolis show until they did research. Yeah. Yeah. Let's keep it simple. You go back to the library. Do you want to spend eight hours?

Let's start with eight hours. It's got to be eight uninterrupted hours of research at a time. Let's start with eight, see what you get, and then let's move on. But who's going to roll the check? Who's going to be the one that is in the pole position? Do we know what the relevant skill is? What are the relevant knowledges in this particular library? I can tell you that.

Knowledge local, knowledge history, and knowledge religion. Alright, so my specialization with my methodical mind is knowledge arcana. So I don't get the skill focus to any of that. My specialization is knowledge arcana. So I won't get the skill focus to any of that.

My specialization is knowledge arcana. I don't know why you have to be so mean all the time. I'm simply reading things off my character sheet. You don't have to run me down. What are your knowledge, history, local, and religion? I have plus eight in all of those that he mentioned. I have plus nine in history, but I have plus eight in the others. Okay.

I don't have religion at all. I have no relevant skills. I can juggle. What about you, best friend? Do you know anything about religion? What did you say was plus nine for you? History. Oh, history. Do you have history?

I've studied a bit, and in raw game terms, I have a plus four in knowledge of religion. What about history? Do you have history? I've studied a bit and in raw game terms I have a plus four in knowledge of religion. What about history? History? Well I'm an amnesiac so I have no concept of history whatsoever you fucking moron. I don't even know who I am. Why don't you go underground and live with those rats?

It's more like dementia. It's just a recent memory loss. We remember old things No you can't Remember the presidents That is funny like Someone that could have amnesia They don't know their own names

But they would know everything About the Stephen Douglas debates Right Yes Exactly Typically with Tyler too Yeah I also can roll inspiration

On knowledge checks So I get that bonus T6 Fine You win But you don't have The relevant knowledge No I do I just don't have that skill focus.

Alright, so let's say Matthew Capitacazza. Oh, yeah. But it is a class skill, right? Yes. So... D8. Yeah, you have to be trained in it. Hold on. We have to have the DC. Yeah, we have to have the DC. What do you have, James? What are we doing? History?

Wait, are you the... I knew this would be gold. I knew this would not go so well. This is great. Literally the only number that I can fail at is a natural one. Email them one thing.

What's the decent? Learn this. Who's doing... Who's aiding? And who's rolling? You're rolling. Primary researcher, I will aid knowledge history.

I can't aid. Can you aid history? I cannot aid. Let's do this, Mr. D. TMC? Run TMC? Here we go. Can I look to see if there's any pornography in this library?

Primary research of another soul. Do you have knowledge history? I can juggle. Alright, roll your aids. Alright. Alright, hold on. Did you aid? I aid. You get a plus two plus this library I roll your age. All right. All right. Hold on.

Capital Casa. Did you aid? I aid. You get a plus two plus this library grants a natural knowledge bonus of plus two. You get a plus four to your check. Do we know what the complexity rating of the library is? I'm glad you asked. It's 15.

Aha. You see 15. So I rolled a natural 19. Okay. Oh, all right. Dude. So lady, enroll natural 19. Okay. Oh! Mrs. O'Lady and roll that 1d6. Crush city! I rolled a 2 on the d6, so that's a 30 before the 8.

I'm sorry, Troy. That actually didn't happen because Mrs. O'Lady, James, and Tiny Murder Clown do not have their pawns in the library. Please respect the pawn rules. Move them into the library. You learn nothing. So it's a 34 plus... So we roll one D8 plus your intelligence modifier and plus one for every five we went over the DC.

Right. Right. No, that's just, that's the bonus damage. Yeah. So you went over the DC by, so you get a plus three to the damage. Yeah. Damage. Yeah.

Nice roll. Oh, it's your roll. It's shitty. D8. Yeah. Damage. Yeah. Nice roll. Oh, did you roll a shitty D8? What was your D8 roll? A one. You're a garbage person. Sometimes Joe wafts off on me. So what's the total, Matthew?

So it's my intelligence bonus plus. What you roll plus three. So it's four. What's your intelligence, Matthew? So it's my intelligence bonus plus... What you roll, plus three. So it's four. What's your intelligence bonus? Three. Four plus three is seven. Seven. I thought you were saying the three is my intelligence bonus. All right, so you've taken seven knowledge points away,

and this is what you learn in eight hours of study. Can I just pull the audience? How do we do on making that dynamic and entertaining? All right. Liars. Can we agree that we all learned something today? About half the crowd was honest. Well, they didn't. This table didn't learn anything.

They already knew all of this. Knowledge checks, bro. You guys, it's your CrossFit class right now. All right. This is what you learned. Lay on some knowledge. You guys, it's your CrossFit class right now. Alright. This is what you learned. Lay on some knowledge. You learned about Briarstone Asylum. You learned that

located on Briarstone Isle you knew you were on an island. Briarstone Asylum was founded in 4585. Long time ago. With the support of Count Hazerton Lowell I and Rosenport's Cinco Macdi School of Sciences. The asylum devotes itself to the treatment of patients with mental diseases and those in need of psychological care. and those in need of psychological care.

Its staff also pursues humane, non-magical treatments of such disorders. With the exception of restraints, most physical and surgical treatment methods were phased out at Briarstone over a century ago. Wow. At least for that first eight hours, you find that Briarstone seems like maybe they had some nefarious practices in the past where they were a little more

physical with the patients, but they're seems like they're by the books. They don't even use magic to try to treat the insane or suffering. I feel like we're missing something. There's no insane people here.

I don't see any. Should we do another eight hours of a different... Yeah, I think we should spend the next hour just researching. Yeah! Yeah! I'll let you do one. Don't kid. Do you want to do a religion?

Those of you who have religion? Sure. Or a local? No, no, no, no. Why not? I could always roll a natural 20, dude. It is grand. Well, I mean, I have a higher religion.

I know, but you roll terrible. He's got you there. Fair enough. What's everybody's local? Is there any... I have eight local. Is there anything that two other people have? I can roll any skill on train,

any knowledge skill on train. She's perfect for this. Okay, so history then we'll do. I'm sorry, religion. Religion. All right, now try religion. Who's rolling? I feel I should be primary research.

I don't know. I don't care what you say about my luck. Well, it is a show, so go for it. Who's going to aid him? I will aid. Can you aid? My best friend will aid. All right, Who's going to aid him? I will aid. Can you aid? My best friend will aid. All right, let's see if you can aid.

I aid. I aid. Plus two, plus two, plus two from the library, plus six, plus, since you spent eight hours researching, you get a cumulative plus one. So plus seven to your roll. Joe, how could you fail this? There's no way. I could not possibly fail. You're going to plus seven to your roll. Joe, how could you fail this? There's no way. I could not possibly fail.

You're going to plus 7 to your roll. Not even God himself could make Joe fail this roll. Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Fuck, man.

Fuck! You're so shitty at everything. All right. What'd you roll? What was on the die, Joe? Tell them. Natural five. My buddy Ben gave me this.

Your shitty die. Fuck your die. Yeah, fuck Ben. Do you remember, by the way... Who's Ben? Who's Ben? Do you remember when Skid used to roll other drops than Joe's going to roll? That's all he plays now?

That's the only one I play. It's the only one that's applicable like 14 times a show. It's still okay. It's adjusted. It's a 20. Okay. So you beat the complexity rating by five, which gets you a plus one to your damage. So roll your damage, but you don't get the D8.

Oh, you have skill focus? Yes. No, you don't need the skill focus. It just has to be a class skill, and all knowledges are a class skill for a wizard. To get a DA. Okay. Yeah.

Eight, motherfucker! Oh! Get him, baby! Is that Joe O'Brien over there? That is... That's a 13 damage. 13 damage to knowledge points. And you did 7 damage before.

That takes 20... You're going to learn some info. Oh, yes. Burn this library to the ground! Kill it! Kill the library! Don't burn the library. Batter ground kill it kill the library don't burn the library batter it

throw the fireballs we're just gonna we're just gonna read it really hard yeah we're gonna read it so hard you'll never learn anything no

oh god you all die now let's play Iron Gods alright so as you spend another eight hours researching in this amazing live show... Shouldn't we have got an additional plus one?

Shut up, Matthew. Just shut your mouth. You start to learn a little bit more about Briarstone Isle. You've learned about the asylum, but now you learn about the isle itself. Briarstone was originally intended to be a fort positioned to protect Threshmore. You've heard about Threshmore. It's a city, a principality

in Ustalav. And it was positioned to protect Threshmore and trade along the Danver River from pirates sailing Lake and Carthen. Ah, Lake and Carthen. The fort's construction began in 4315 and was

plagued by accidents from the beginning, culminating in the death of its overseer, Captain Enoch Atherton. Construction on the fort was halted, and rumors started to spread that maybe Briarstone Isle was haunted.

To expunge the taint of urban legends. Yeah, I said taint. Everyone, Troy said taint. I was like five, four, three. I can't believe you thought it would take five seconds. Just can't do a bump off Grant's taint. Oh, no. Critical threat, critical threat, critical Oh, no. Critical threat.

Critical threat. Critical. Critical. Critical threat. So you know why it's called a taint? What? Oh, I know. In a taint, you're hmm.

In a taint, you're hmm. That's what I heard. Shut up. Let me tell you this story. Let me read directly from the book with some flourish. I feel like we're now dumber for having done this research. Matthew, please, go back to Detroit. Construction on the

fort was halted, and rumors spread that perhaps the isle was haunted. To expunge the taint of urban legends, Count Hazerton Lowell I again convinced the Church of

Verazima to perform a successful island-wide exorcism in 4584 now you've heard from winter about a count hazard yeah that was count hazard and that was the fourth he was the one that was somehow involved but like before she could figure out how because she's the one looking for him and And before she could figure out how, all the shit went down the asylum. This is Count Hazardous and Loud's the first. Wow. But because you rolled so well, you find out a little bit more information. This is the kind of information

that breaks the case wide open. Go on. Taint. You find out that as you start digging through, you're like like Something seems weird Doesn't seem like he died of an accident Let me just look a little more here Why are you mimicking typing?

Let me just You know we're not googling this, right? Let me just Let me google Captain Enoch Adalton here Yeah, no, he didn't die of an accident The overseer of Fort Briar's construction fucking disappeared

whoa it even says fucking right in the book only to be discovered a week later where let me tell you where his entrails strewn across the entire site. What?

After Atherton's death, work halted immediately on the fort's construction. But locals still reported seeing lights in the deserted, half-constructed structure here on Briarstone Isle. Rumors attributed the tragedy to, they called it the Briarstone Witchle. Rumors attributed to the tragedy to, they called it the Briarstone Witch. Oh, God. And claimed that she'd curse or kill any who trespassed on her throne. But those are just rumors.

Ghost stories you tell your kids. Classic taint rumors. Before they go to bed at night. You better mind your mom and dad or the Briarstone Witch will show you her taint rumors. Before they go to bed. You better mind your mom and dad. The Briarstone Witch will show you her taint. She'll expunge your taint abuse. Alright, I'll be good.

I'll be good. Eric Mohn, everybody. Ladies and gentlemen. Eric, we were just talking about witches' taints. Your thoughts? Well, I was just in the bathroom exploring my own taints. Oh! Did you find any treasure?

What do you guys want to do? No, I'm not allowing any more research to the show. Isn't there? But I tell you what. Think about that between now and Saturday. You'll learn some shit about this island. Yeah, I didn't hear anything you said, so I'll listen back before Saturday.

Yeah. I was trying to listen, but you kept talking about people's taints. No, I...'t hear anything you said So I'll listen back before Saturday Yeah I was trying to listen But you kept talking about people's taints No, I So he died Like 200 years ago when this place was built Centuries ago, yeah Like they were building it

And the first thing you find out It was 4585, was that what it was? 4585? 4585, yeah Yeah, so that was almost Almost 200 years ago, right? Yeah, like four or five generations. Yeah, not quite.

He died, and then you start reading more, and you find out not only did he die, he disappeared, and then days later they found his entrails all over the place. And they were like, we're shutting down construction. And so they all moved away from the island. Then they looked out on the island, and they would just see lights

of things still happening there. And they were like, ah, it's the Briarstone Witch, I tell ya. I they'll be like, ah, it's the Briarstone Witch, I tell ya. I just wonder with the, I have to imagine, recent appearance of his descendant, Count Hasterton IV, the fourth, right?

Fourth, yes. I mean, if that awakened the witch, if it maybe ripped this schism between our reality, our plane, and another one. Because we were operating under the theory that this asylum has somehow been transported to another plane, overlaid on

another plane of some kind. And Winter Klaxa came here to investigate him. And as she arrived, the shit went down. Shit went down. It's also on the taint that happens a lot. Yes. This entire... Damn it, Grant.

I beg of you. I beg of you. Grant, do you remember rule number two? Was that always say something funny? Always say something funny. Sorry. That's just not my game. Taint your game.

Matthew, your thought on taints. Now, what do you guys want to do? You've learned something. You spent 16 hours in this library. Like, you probably want to go rest again and come back. Let's say you do that, and now you're back in this room. You're like, we could sit here

for hours, probably, and learn shit. And you probably should, but not tonight. You need to move forward. Do you want to continue north through these doors where you found tiny murder clown in a pool of Jenny Two-Tails blood? Or do you want to go back to the atrium and explore that courtyard

that you found? Or that weird mist-covered walkway outside of that room with the taxidermic birds? Let's stay inside for now. We got some optiones. We also told Jenny Two-Tails, rest in peace, that she needed to go spy upon all those descendants in the robes and orbaments,

so I think we should follow where she went. Yes, tiny murder clown. Who is Jenny Two-Tails? Oh, Jesus Christ. I'll explain. Jenny Two-Tails was a recent friend that we were going to teach to read in exchange for information that you then murdered. I can't wait to... Wait, I murdered her?

Yes, you did. Yes, she was our ally. I only killed a rat. And you killed her. She had arms and legs, but it was a rat. She was a ratling. But she couldn't read. She could not read.

I don't see the problem. Jeez, her soul fuels my energy. Can you read? Of course. I read my name in lights on the marquee. Except I can't remember my name. So I will see it.

Tiny Murder Clown. maybe even with a K I'm deciding that's your prerogative that'd be different K-L-O-W-N-E thank you very much yes I want to go to the north. Yes.

You want to continue? That's the stuff, and it's trademarkable! Always be close. I'm sorry, that wasn't roleplaying. All of a sudden it was just me. The last time we did play a game together, you did hand me a patch of one of your characters in another game.

Like, you had printed out a beautiful patch. Oh, yes. Of course. The valorous Ostog the Unslayed. I love it. You didn't even know who he was, and then we met him at PaizoCon. Yeah.

Went to his wedding. For real. Guys, if you haven't listened to our stream from PaizoCon, it's really good. It's really funny. Orphan Puncher! It's a most delightful experience.

You guys are heading to the north. Tiny Murder Con, I put you on there. You should be able to control your pawn. Thank you, because I can't sign in to Roll20 on my own computer. We'll look over Matthew's shoulder. As we open this door and start to head north, James is going to cast Mage Armor on himself.

Okay. How long does Mage Armor last? Two hours. All right. For some reason, opening the door takes like an hour and 58 minutes. It's really stuck. It's really a hell of a door. They don't make it like they used to.

He doesn't just do this for a crowd. He did this before we ever recorded games. He was like, oh, no, this goes back a long time. An hour and 59 minutes. He hates spells that have durations longer than rounds. I don't know what it is about this door, but an hour and 58 minutes, 59 minutes. He hates spells that have durations longer than rounds. I don't know what it is about this door, but an hour and 58 minutes, 59 now.

The door opens. I mean, it's a very interesting door. I also saw a couple comments when we were doing Silent Tide Part 2, and I think Eric was there, and they were talking about Troy's removal of hero points from Pathfinder. Yeah, that is bullshit. Yeah! that is bullshit.

Yeah! Thank you! Thank you! Wait, wait, wait. You know who deserves hero points? The GM is always right. Actual heroes, that's who. Earn them.

You open the door, and you see an L-shaped-looking hall that runs from a collapsed space to the west, which I'll show you in a second, and what looks like a small waiting area up ahead to the north. How do we know it's a waiting area? Well, it just looks like there's some chairs sitting outside of a door. Let me show you this shit.

What's the magazine game like? It's mostly It's like three month old people's or you game like? It's mostly... It's like three-month-old people's, or you have the latest Science Big American or something? It's Mad Magazine and Penthouse. Oh, no. Oh, Mad Magazine just ended.

I never thought it would happen to me. Yeah, you were in the library the whole time. You were looking in the wrong spot. So, yeah, you see... I'll tell you right now, because I don't think I've fully revealed this. You see the L-shaped hallway opens up, and there are two doors to the right, one door to the upper left,

one door straight ahead, and then two doors down the hallway to the left. Welcome to Strange Aeons. Here's the thing. What? You guys can do whatever you want to do. Jesus. This is how the game of Pathfinder works.

Maybe there's somebody sitting in the crowd being like, I never played a role-playing game. So they know which door they're going to go into, right? They talked it out with the GM beforehand, and the friend turns to him and is like, no, man, you can do whatever the fuck you want. Yeah, it's the best game in the world. That's why we play this game. Anything your mind can conceive

you can do until I don't like your decisions. Okay. And then you railroad us by talking about taints for 45 minutes. Matthew, come on. Clean it up. I'm sorry. He's jet lagged. What do you guys want to do?

Sheila? I think Sheila wants to be methodical about all this. And I'd like to check out the door that we can see the furthest left. There. I want to check that out. Over to the left there.

Okay. Methodical is excellent Roll a perception check Whoever is the first two people that are entering Roll a perception check Seven Okay Looks like Sheila just kind of steamrolls his way up to the door

Who's behind Sheila? If it's not best friend, it's James Best friend, are you going in or not? I woke up a little less sure of myself. All right, shut up. James will walk up and do a perception. How's a five grab you? All right.

All right, so you just walk up to this door that Sheila arbitrarily picked. Yeah. Best friend, how about you come up here? Come up here and open this door. Stop stalling and whimpering. Oh, God. Well, you may wonder why it's difficult to gain confidence, and maybe it's because you're an asshole, you dumb rat.

First of all, I'm no rat. Secondly, whimpering attracts the monsters. Did someone say rat? Their souls are delicious. What a crew. So yeah, best friend will be happy to open this door. Well, not happy, but he'll do it. Okay.

Best friend unhappily opens the door. And this is what you see. Oh, no. I already know what he is. And this is what you see. Oh, no. I already know what I get. And this is what you see. And I have, if it's dark, I have light on my shield already.

Oh, no, it's a conference room. Everyone sit down for a four-hour meeting. No! Oh, God. Oh. No! It is a horror adventure.

There's bagels, but there's only butter. Oh, God. Oh. No. It is a horror adventure. Yeah. There's bagels, but there's only butter. Oh, no. Oh, my God. HR is here. Oh, no. We'll be connecting with L.A. There's a guy that's like, it looks like we ran out of coffee.

No. You see a once handsome You see a once handsome... You hear a sound of ice being thrown. At least the meeting will have plenty of ice. Everybody cool out. That's like the Joel Schumacher Batman. All of Arnold Schwarzenegger's lines had like ice or cool

I want you to chill out everybody ice your shells you've seen Batman and Robin but you won't see Jurassic Park yeah fuck you little known track little known fact

I tried out for the part of Robin in Batman Forever. How did the nipples look on your chest? And I turned it down. Let me tell you what's in this room. I said I will never be in a sumac on George. Wait, wait, wait. You can't just gloss over that. You tried out.

I did. For nipple Robin in Batman Forever. How dare you? I was a budding Joe Piscopo. I was 21. I looked like an Adonis. Now you're like Joe Piscopo now. Ironically.

I'm current Joe Piscopo. You were almost in a Joel Schumacher movie. I was. And it wasn't 8mm. It doesn't make sense. They offered me the part of Robin and I said, Batman or nothing. And we moved on.

Oh, man. I was 21. What are we doing? What are we playing? I don't know. You see a once handsome... We have a meeting, yeah. Ice falls from the ceiling.

Everybody shut up. Taint. A once handsome wood conference table now sits marred by the partially toppled southwest walls. Between heaps of collapsed stone that sort of fill the room, Matthew, a closet door still stands as one of the only structures still in place. Whatever caused the very foundations of this whole asylum to shake, it looks like the tremors hit this room

particularly hard, as evidenced by this partially collapsed wall. Maybe I have dungeon earring. I mean... Yes, I do. Alright, I don't want you to roll it. I just want you to kind of zoom out on the map here to get a sense of where you are relative to the rest

of what you've seen so far. So if I open that up, you realize that whatever happened here, it really hit this area. And that would have connected to that courtyard that you walked out to and felt scalding rain, the same courtyard that Crossbow Jackson said that Tiny Murder Clown went out to. And the last thing Tiny Murder Clown remembers is the fog grasping at him and then something coming from the sky and pulling

him up in the air and dropping him and then he wakes up in a room while tiny things scratch at his head. Fuck. And it didn't just happen over a wide distance on the surface it went deep and that's why Jenny Two Tails

Marguerite and her father Frederick were up above ground-Tails, Marguerite and her father, Frederick, were up above ground, right? Yes, the late Marguerite and Frederick Two-Tails came up with their beautiful daughter, Jenny, and wanted to start a new life because their rat warrens collapsed during these tremors. I think Eric has a question.

Who was Jenny Two-Tails? Oh, come on! Come on, man! Who was Jenny Two-Tails? Oh, come on. Come on, man. Who was Jenny Two-Tails? And also, does anyone have a towel? My arms are covered in blood. No. I'll use my tongue. Sheila

would like to trepidatiously, cautiously open the closet door. Alright, so Sheila goes over to the closet. What are the rest of you doing? Best friend. I can say that... Put yourself on the map if you move.

I believe Joe moved my character immediately in front of the door because Joe always does that. But if it was someone else, that's fine. I'll back Sheila up because Sheila is best friend's best friend. Mrs. O'Lady sits at the head of the conference table. Okay. Do you sit? No.

Yes. Okay. And I go like this. Oh, suits you. I'm glad you've all come here today. Yeah. Suppose you're wondering why I called you all here today. James the Ratfolk.

James stands near the head of this conference table Just quietly weeping At this once handsome coffee table That's been destroyed It breaks his heart to see something so rich and beautiful I've never seen such a handsome coffee table TMC It was just so beautiful

Tawny Murderclown Now that he's got company retreats into himself and starts juggling scarves and yet the scarves are covered with the blood of Jenny the Rat Folk the balance is all off and he's struggling he's struggling it's difficult it's a psychological torture

so you're doing the dance of the seven veils while they're opening doors and Mrs. Hladius that would be so distracting that would be really distracting. Yeah. I'm doing my best Salome. Well, meanwhile, Sheila along with best

friend opens the closet door and you open the closet door to reveal a truly gruesome scene. Yes. I mean, gross. There's a plain shelf, roughly...

No! No! The humanity. There's a plain shelf roughly six feet high with a jar sitting on it that has something floating within it. Underneath that shelf, however, is a pile of

jars full of floating, aberrant brains, spinal columns, and various dissections. And they're all nestled into some kind of makeshift nest made out of lab

coats, as well as the desiccated remains of a human being. As you open the door, that jar on the upper shelf that contains some sort of horn-like tumor floating in a liquid just comes flying off the shelf at you. And as it does, you realize what pushed it off the shelf is a small fetus

with extreme hydrocephalus just staring at you. Rule for initiative. Oh! Oh, God! Rule for initiative! Get away from me! Get away from me!

That is legit horrifying and disgusting, dude. It's a fetus with a huge head pushes a jar off with a horn like Tuma. You got like Tuma. It's the future. It's inspiring.

My gracious. James, what did you get? Let's see. 14. 14 for James. Not too shabony. All right. Best friend.

Well, factoring in my negative one initiative, a three. Three. Not the best For best friend Sheila 17 Suddenly grossed out Sheila Crap at a casa What do you got It's so mean

I'm the worst 11 for Mrs. O Run TMC. 7! Let's talk about this surprise round as this weird floating gross jar full of a

tumor comes flying at you against your flat-footed AC. It's going to be a miss. It's a three to hit you. So the thing just splashes on the ground next to you, and you just see this tiny little

not living... I mean, it's about this big with a really oversized head, and it's just drooling and looking at you. Come on. Let's talk about round one, folks.

Can't believe I missed. It is going to be James' turn. I'm sorry. I'm not sure what we're looking at. Did I not open the... Nope. I don't think you revealed anything. Alright, shut your mouth.

Don't embarrass me in front of my friends. Oh. It's truly horrific. Do you want to see what they look like? Ready? That's what they look like. Oh, God! Why won't you play with me? Me! I can't help but notice there's a second face in it.

Hydra Segal. Oh, there is. Oh, me. You can choose life. You didn't mention the second face in the head. Did I not mention the second face? No. Has anyone seen my mama?

James, you're up. Kill this fucking thing. Kill it. James will try to fire a crossbow bolt at it. This is the most fun I've ever had. He'll try to fire a crossbow bolt at it. Okay. 14 to hit.

Okay, and you're way the hell over there Shooting through people that just miss it They're inside of that closet Not a great And he'll reload the crossbow Reload the crossbow Okay Good for you and your crossbow

Okay I think it is James' turn He'll fire his crossbow I'm sorry That's James' turn now It's gonna be a 19 It was supposed to be Sheila's turn first He's been drinking, he doesn't

Shut up, I screwed up, alright Everybody shut up I got really excited doing the voice It was supposed to be Sheila, then you You're done You're done for the night Sheila, you're up Okay

Sheila's like He's really freaked out to be Sheila, then you. You're done. You're done for the night. Sheila, you're up. Sheila's like, he's really freaked out for probably the first time ever. This is really fucked up. Are you my mama? Well, we can be thankful we found the line. That was it. Yeah. Stop, stop.

Get it out of there. Look at my boat sets and my cheese. Stop. This is my computer. Get it out of there! Look at my boatsets and my cheese. Stop! This is my computer! Get it off of my screen! I own it! It horrified me for a second. I have rights. Alright, so Sheila takes a five-foot step back.

Okay. Takes a bomb off of his bandolier. Oh, yeah. Takes it, tosses it. Dunzo. In a closed room. Nine. yeah. Takes it. Tosses it. Dunzo. In a closed room. Nine. Nine.

Is this a square? Yeah. Yes. Touch AC. No, it misses. Touch AC? Okay. So you try to hit it, and it just misses completely.

Let's find out what square it ends up in. Oh, I rolled. You know, funny thing, I didn't bring any dice. Do you have a few in your pocket? I, thank you. Six. Six, all right. So one, two, three, four, five, six.

It lands right behind you. Oh, no, you're here. Right behind you, which would affect you. I don't think it affects Tiny Murder Clown, but that should roll a reflex save to avoid the splash damage. Wait, wouldn't it be one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight around the target rather than around me? Oh, I'm sorry. Okay. Thank you.

So best friend instead? Actually, truly, it's around the target. Yeah, so it's right here. So it affects best friend sorry. Okay. Thank you. So best friend instead? Actually, truly, it's around the turn. Yeah, so it's right here. So it affects best friend Angela. Yes. And him. Well, at least it's both of us. And him, yes.

And so we all roll reflex saves? Yes. Something we haven't done in seven shows. Yeah. What is the DC of that save to avoid taking any DiMaggio? The DC of my bomb is I literally just had it. It is

My dog ate my homework. 16. It is 16. Okay, so this creature fails. Oh, good. And takes what? So he takes minimum damage. Which is? Which is 5. 5. Okay. And there are two creatures in there. No, six. Six? Yeah, six points minimum damage. Which is? Which is five. Five, okay. And there are two creatures in there.

No, six. Six? Yeah, six points of damage. Oh, that's a lot of damage. How about seven? Yeah. Show me seven. Wait, Skid, did you say you didn't bring dice?

Eight points of damage. No, I did. I brought so many dice, but somehow almost none of them made it into this bag, which is the one I brought to the venue. I believe there are dice on sale. Really? Oh, yeah. Anyone want to loan me some dice? Oh, my God.

Look at this. Wow. Immediately. From the researcher table, everybody. Give it up for the library. Look at these nerds. How the hell did he lift those dice with those huge arms? Just cleaned and jerked those dice up to Skid's hands.

It is their turn, and they are going to go after Best Friend and Sheila. The first one here just comes out and is like... And tries to bite Sheila with a 14 against your regular AC. That is a miss. There you go, Sheila. That was that one. And then this one here,

because there's two of them, goes after B, friend, 18. Exactly, best friends, I see. So he cowers behind his shield, and still this thing's finding a way to just nibble at his face. A couple things are going to happen. Oh, mother. You just take one point of damage.

By the way, have you been doing my other disease wrong? Don't worry about your disease. You're fine. You'll live forever. Don't worry about your disease. I've seen rumors of it. You're fine. You'll live forever. However, as this thing lurches out of that nest

made with other empty jars of embalming fluid and a desiccated corpse, it bites you and then attaches to your body. No! And just starts... Sucking at you. Do I have a roll or no? Let me tell you something.

You don't take the grapple condition. It does. Okay. Because it's so small? Yeah. Well, it's just this weird power that it has. It's considered grappling, but you are not. Okay.

that it has. It's considered grappling, but you are not. Okay. You can attack or grapple as normal or try to break this attachability. And it's on my face? Yeah, we'll say it's on, like, right between your neck and your cheek.

It's just kind of like... And lurched onto you. It lurched onto you. Do me a favor and roll. Shut up. Roll a fortitude save. Well, let me try. Skid, may I?

May I try out these CrossFit nerds dice? All right, let's see what happens. 18 on the die. 22 total, baby. You seem to be just fine, old buddy. That was their turn. That really sucked. Speaking of sucked, Mrs. O'Lady, everybody.

Okay, I will do a mind thrust on the one that has latched on to best friend. Okay. Be very careful with your aim, please. Do you have an automatic hit on that? Like it's kind of Like a magic missile? What kind of save am I talking about? That's a will save. How about a 20, brah?

Yeah, you pass. So you take five points of damage. Five points of damage, you say. And then I stand up. Here's the good news. You kill it. Yeah! However!

Go on. As you destroy it with that mind thrust, remember, it had a giant head, so you're like, it starts to swell, and then just like, this fleshy sludge explodes from its head. Cronenberg, no. Stop. Anyone adjacent to that creature, roll a fortitude save. Is this fucking Existence? Best friend.

It is. And Sheila. That's like a Scanners. All right. Very Cronenberg. Reflex? Fortitude. Fortitude.

12. Yeah, reflex. 12. What about you, Sheila? Four. Four. Yes! So you see this thing just go,

and you start getting, you get nauseated. You're like, and you're nauseated for one round, which by my calculations means you can only take a move action and cannot attack, cast spells, or concentrate.

Hey, Eric, who makes these GM screens? These are fantastic. You know, they're only getting better with Pathfinder's second edition, which releases today. Second edition? You mean there's another edition of this game? Those guys can lift it,

because they've been working out. Thing weighs 50 pounds. It's actually, it's one bulk. It's one It's actually, it's one bulk. It's one bulk. Technically, it's one bulk. It's Tiny Murder Clown's turn. One of these things has been exploded, and it exploded,

but you see Sheila is like, holding it back. I think I'm gonna chunder! So when you say one of these things has exploded, is there the second face? Is that still showing signs of life? No, there's two of these creatures. One was on the shelf that pushed that horn-like tumor.

I see. The other one just lurched out of the nest. There's two of them. Right, I see that. You may look young and undeveloped and perhaps macrocephalic, but you look delicious. And I'm going to run up and do a punishing kick. Which I should say is a second level hungry ghost power, which means Joe's character never got to do this.

I'm going to... That's a fact. It's like he made a character just to continue shitting on my old character. It's like that, yes. Oh, 100%. Yeah. Somehow. Oh, like, for real. The moment where you're like, dudes, I studied the martial arts

handbook. I'm like, I'm fucking that guy. Okay, um... I really did. I know, I appreciate that. $13.99, paizo.com. You're a dream broker. So I am going to... I'm going to fucking kick this guy. Let's do it.

I rolled a... Punish and kick. I rolled a 17. Does that hit? It sure does. Oh, yeah. Crush it. Well, that's fantastic.

So here's the thing. He's going to do some damage. Normal damage on this unarmed strike. Hold on two seconds. Okay, it's not a lot. Tiny murder clown, most important word is tiny. He does two points of damage. Two points of damage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But here's the deal, yo.

A couple things are going to happen. I'm pushing that, bro, five feet in a direction of my choice. You can push him basically up against the wall of the closet. Up against the wall, child! I will respect no insolence! So he goes back there.

Does he die from the two points of damage? He doesn't. Damn. In fact, I made a grave error with your mind thrust as they are immune to mind affecting effects. Oh no! Shizzle shizzle.

But that's on me. That's true. That's on me. He has a huge mind and they're immune. They're immune. It's just rude. I'll tell you later why. But that's on me! I mean, technically Troy, you do get a fortitude save to see if you're pushed five feet away. I don't know why you would want that.

Twelve. No, fuck you. Yeah. I figured, fuck me. Yep. Best friend. Best friend wipes the ichor and just gore that exploded off his face. But he holds back the vomit because he already emptied his stomach.

He's like, I thought they were immune to mind effects. And can he reach out against the wall? I mean, I'm adjacent to the square. Can I reach out and attack him? Yeah. All right, here he comes. Get him, dude. Plus one dagger.

Get him, dude. Get that baby. 13 to hit. AC 13. Yeah! Roll Dimaggio. Seven points of damage. Question, what kind of damage?

Piercing. Piercing and slashing. Well, Eric softened him up. He dies. Yeah! However. Roll. Tiny Murder Clown and Best Friend roll a save that doesn't matter.

You'll be nauseated for one round. Is this to avoid like ichor and stuff like that? It's to avoid, it goes again and this fleshy sludge goes everywhere. I voluntarily fail my save and I just take as much of that in the mouth as possible. And I'm just like soul, soul, soul, soul

and as I say that it's spitting out. It's even grosser. Oh my god. So you eat the fleshy exploding undead brain. Yes. Oh, it's so delicious. St my god. So you eat the fleshy exploding undead brain. Yes. Oh, it's so delicious. Stem cells. Woo! What did you Well, I mean,

I was just going to say we all really liked and respected Eric before that happened. No, just kidding. I don't know why I respect him even more. Are you kidding me? Yeah, thank you. I have stem cells. Yeah, you'll live forever. 11. 11.

All right, so you fail. And just as Sheila is coming to and breaking his nausea, you start getting nauseous. And then six seconds later, it goes away. And then we all vomit in succession. Yeah. It's a form of brotherhood. Yeah.

It's really freaky that you ran right up to Sheila Almost kicked her in the face Knocked this thing against the wall And then it exploded and you ate its insides And yelled souls This is like meet the feebles or something This is so fucked up I don't understand what's weird

He's from the west coast What do you guys do now? Are you going to tell us the interesting reason Why they were immune to mind-affecting effects and you made a grievous error? Roll a knowledge religion check. All right. 23. All right.

So they're undead. So that mind thrust shouldn't have worked. I don't think it would have mattered. I think it would have made short work of them. However, best friend did take a little bit of damage that these undead like you can tell that they were fetuses that once uh lived in these jars is perhaps specimens because they had the hydrocephalus that maybe someone was studying but the whole closet is full of these specimens they look like haphazardly placed almost like someone

or something brought them there and it almost felt like it almost felt like the tumor, that horn-like tumor that was thrown at you was like, it was almost like there was a little society and the tumor was cast out

from there. Oh god! What? Oh, man. Yeah. And there's also a dissected body of a human being that's created this nest

for these people. Mrs. O'Lady exhorts the group to stand back and then she will mage hand the jars up against the wall to smash them all.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch. Yeah. And maybe one of them just kind of goes like this. You're smashing all of them? This is someone's collection? How rude! A collection is a gnome's favorite

possession. What's your collection? Souls! I only have two. The rat creature and that stupid half-orc. It's a full orc, man. Full orc! Not anymore.

He was so strong and beautiful. Now he's an un-orc. An ex-orc. Light green at best. Can we do a heel check on the dead body to learn a little bit more about its demise? Yeah.

All right, great. 19. All right, it looks like it was dragged into here. You see like a mucus-like substance on the floor that leads all the way up to the closet, and it goes back to the doorway that you walked into. And now as you look, it goes out into the hallway where you guys first came in. You didn't notice it the first time.

But you also see that it's clear that this body was dragged from another room back in the area where you found Tiny Murder Clown and Jenny Two-Tails. So it probably came from one of those other rooms. It was dragged into here and... It wasn't crawling under its own power. No, no, no. It was dragged into here possibly by these tiny fetuses.

Oh, my God. Dissected and honored in a weird way. I believe the children are our future. I believe the children are our future. I believe the children are our future. The only thing I'm trying to figure out, we had that nice long description we got from researching the library that the physical and magical experimentations on mental illness and just general psychiatric care ceased to exist here right in modern times or

a hundred years a hundred years what i want to know is that these weird collections the weird like removal of things that we've seen seems to contradict that obviously but i just want to know is there a way we can tell how old this collection of weird... Right, is it something that happened after the asylum fell? Right. Or is it something they were doing when the asylum was in full normal operation? It appears that this is something that was happening while the asylum was still active. Recently.

Twisted motherfuckers. You realize that we, as a society now now keep suggestions like this to study and dissect and examine. We still have Einstein's brain. Yeah, but it isn't like creating new theories. It's sitting in a jar. It's also not dragging bodies into a room with it.

And biting people and making them throw up. Matthew, do you know how Einstein died? It wasn't in an asylum like this and murdered by weird little creatures. It was a guy punched him after. Yeah, he got punched really hard at a conference. He was like, I'll flex my stomach. And no, he died.

Yeah. That was Houdini, I think. Houdini, right. I'm sorry. I knew it was a magic guy. It was one of those guys. I knew it was a magic guy. I knew it was a wizard guy. I knew it was a wizard.

Some wizard. Autoerotic asphyxiation is how Einstein died. I think you're right. That's how Einstein died. He could master the universe, but he could not master self-control. Should we do some research on Einstein right now? Return to the library? Return to the library.

You look in this closet and you feel like you need more information. If you search the body of the thing, you find some vials of alchemist fire. Ooh. How many? Six flasks. Ooh. If you give me three, I'll juggle them. You also find some serviceable lab coats of the doctors that worked in the asylum that don't seem to be stained by all the shit going on in here.

Are they white? They are white. Clean white. You could bloody them. I wonder if we put these on. As a disguise? Yes. If we came across, I don't know inmates that are lost

or fearful they might think we're friends But there's only three, James Who will be the doctors and who would be the You, obviously You're out You're the patient in case we have to keep up the rules

Like you're the Wookiee to our stormtroopers I'll be your Wookiee to our stormtroopers. I'll be your Wookiee, baby. All right. You'll be the Wookiee of the year. Be a Wookiee, baby. All right, I'll put on a lab coat. I'll put on a lab coat.

Yeah. We got two lab coats. How many are there? As many as you want. Oh, really? No, there's half a dozen. There's half a dozen. Oh, yeah. We all put them on.

I see y'all. I'm a doctor. We need to take two of these. So you guys goof off for a little bit. We need to take your medication. I think you have a hernia. We can say take two of these and call me in the morning and quote Batman and Robin again. Yes.

That was the scene I auditioned with. Oh, no. Yeah, but I went off book. What did you say? I said, call me in the morning and take two of these. Oh, no.

Joel Schumacher hates that. He didn't like that. He didn't like that. He hates Riff. He wants you to stay on book. Yeah. I was a real rapscallion.

Your audition left me cold. That audition was ice cold. Ice cold reading. You've got one, two, three, four, and even a fifth door away. Let's continue Sheila's method. Sheila's method of exploring everything. Methodically.

Methodically. Explore endlessly, only to return home. We don't want to just push the action north. And as. Methodically. Explore endlessly only to return home. We don't want to just push the action north. And as we're going... We know that's where he is. Why are we dilly-dallying in these silly side rooms exposing ourselves to horrible dangers that are unnecessary?

We are north of our previous location for all we know he was in this closet. Did you see that baby thing? That's the coolest thing I've seen since I got here. Yeah, we could have missed it completely if we'd have gone your way. He had a big head and it pulsed. I threw up several times. It wouldn't have happened at all if we'd have gone just north of the...

Do you feel bad now? Best friend, open this door. Do it quickly. Aye, aye, captain. And best friend casts a blessing of fervor on himself for six points of healing on the way there, because that's what Grant would do. Best friend opens the door.

All right, so you open this first door. Get to the show. So you open the door. Oh, boy, let me tell you about this room. There are two desks in this room. No. Holy shit.

Dun, dun, dun. No. They're crammed into a crowded office. Okay. It looks like more space has been dedicated to filing cabinets, bookshelves, and stacks of loose research. More research. Than actual room for the people that occupied and worked in this room. occupied and worked in this room.

Despite the cramped nature of this room, there's enough room, you would think, for two people to work closely here. As evidenced by the two dead bodies in lab coats. Oh, man. Jesus. Just slumped over their desk. Oh, man. Well, more lab coats.

We got more coats. That's good. What do you do, more lab coats. We got more coats. That's good. What do you do? Take the coats. Leave the gun. James is going to slowly step into the room and grab one of the heads. Just slowly lift it up. Roll a perception check.

You roll a perception check. All right, I will. 13. Natural one. You just... It's a dead human female. How long dead? How long dead?

Heal. Nailed it. I'll heal too. 19 heal. 20. 19 heal. It appears like sometime in the last 48 to 72 hours. Any other evidence of what might have killed them?

Any lacerations, wounds, anything like that? Anybody else want to roll perception? Sure. Sure. 18. 15. Not worth reporting. All right.

18 and 15. It looks like they were slain by blows to the back of the head. Isn't that what happens to the people with the masks in the other room? It was one. But there's no masks on these two. Did we ever look at... I don't remember what the masks... Were they like Halloween masks?

Or were they just like... No, they were like bags. Bags and sheets. Sorry. Can we look at what's going on on the desk? Anything of interest there? Yeah, roll a separate perception just looking at the documents and files. 26.

Okay, that's enough. It looks like most of the documents and files here are related to mundane asylum duties and unremarkable psychological evaluations. However, as you start digging through them, you find a thick U wand etched with a symbol of Sarenrae hidden in the back of the eastern desk. A thick what? U.

It's a wood. What about me? It's a U wand. Oh, no. This is a giant skin. Oh, U, that's the wood, the tree. Yeah, yes. Okay.

And there's a piece of twine wrapped around it, connecting a note that reads, Mr. Lance, this is a place of science, not faith. Keep your religion at home. Is it magical? Sure is. Can I identify it? Yeah.

Spellcraft? Yeah. Smellcraft? Yeah. 25. Joe, what'd you roll? I rolled a 13. Matthew knows. Joe, I'd like you to leave the room. It's a wand of bliss.

Oh! Oh, that's great. It's a wand of bliss with 18 charges. Ooh! That's awesome. Can you cast that? Yeah, best friend. Troy? The Wand of Bless. The Wand of Bless with 18 charges. Best friend, can you cast that? Troy? Yes. I'm really struggling here. Yeah, what are you thinking? How the hell do you guys

drink so much beer during these games? I now have to piss like three times during this game. That's why the curtain runs lower. I'm just urinating the entire time. I want to think about that. I'm just urinating the entire time. I'm going to think about that. I pissed three or four times. He just hooks up his catheter

as soon as he sits down. It's the guy's second GCP live. He doesn't know. He doesn't get it. Look at Rookie. Be nice to him. I think we found all... We're very sick.

What do you guys want to do? It seems like you've... Another scene of just pure death. Your methodology, Sheila. Where does it take us next? To the east or to the west? I say we go to the east and check out this door over there on the eastern wall.

To the east it is, best friend. Yes, yes, James. Shut the fuck up. And best friend walks over to the door, doesn't even expect it, because he is angry at James and opens it. Show me which door. This one, yeah? Yeah, that one, yeah.

That one, yeah. What's everybody else? What's everybody else? Done. Waiting. Waiting. It's a skate or something. Maw desks it's a ghost mulled horseshoe crab all right so uh pretty much best friend is leading the charge into this next room you see another

ruined office the room's sagging ceiling rests largely upon a pair of sturdy bookshelves so imagine the ceiling is like caving in, but the caving in stops thanks to the height of these bookshelves. You see a desk and a set of chairs skirting the edge of a sizable fissure in the floor that looks like it leads underground. And Best Friend approaches the fissure cautiously with his shield up and his plus one dagger out.

And he casts light on his shield because he knows it might be dark down there. And he peeks over the edge. You peek over the edge and you can see that the cracks in the floor are large enough for, at least in Pathfinder terms, a small creature to squeeze through in some places, but you can tell that it grows narrower the deeper it goes down. A casual investigation like the one you're doing reveals droppings and other unsavory smears. Ooh, oh, wow.

Tiny murder clown, this seems like your area of expertise. Please investigate. And as you're standing there... Oh, there. Tiny murder clown, this seems like your area of expertise. Please investigate. And as you're standing there... Oh, there it is. Here he comes. We need you, buddy. It was fantastic. You just hear...

Just stop. Please. I don't like that noise you're making. Just stop. I don't like that noise you're making. As two dire rats explode out from the area.

Rats have souls too. Take it from me. But as the two dire rats explode out at best friend, Sheila feels a tap on her shoulder.

Her shoulder. On his shoulder. Just a little dun, dun that starts to feel like electricity going through you. No! We should probably finish this on Saturday, right?

No! We'll see you on Saturday, everybody! Indianapolis! We'll see you on Saturday! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Hee-hee-hee! You guys. You guys.

Woo! Woo! Can't believe it! I'm back! I can't believe it! I'm back! I'm back!