The Glass Cannon Podcast - Strange Aeons Episode 97 – Locks, Clocks and One Airy Battle

Episode Date: November 16, 2024

The Portland crowd was on fire for an intense series of battles as the heroes edge ever closer to the Soul of the Mysterium. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/z5lOd3kaZiY Join Troy Lavallee, Joe O'Brien, Skid Maher, Matthew Capodicasa, Sydney Amanuel, and Kate Stamas as they tour the country playing the Lovecraftian Horror Strange Aeons Pathfinder Adventure Path. Access exclusive podcasts, ad-free episodes, and livestreams with a 30-day free trial with code "GCN30" at jointhenaish.com. For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Red one we're coming at you is the movie event of the holiday season Santa Claus has been kidnapped. You're gonna help us find you can't trust this guy. He's on the list So naughty Lister naughty Lister Dwayne Johnson we got snowman Chris Evans, I might just go back to the car. Let's save Christmas I'm not gonna say that say it. All right Let's see Christmas. There it is. Only in theaters November 15th. As a Fizz member, you can look forward to... Free data.

Big savings on plans. And having your unused data roll over to the following month. Every month. At Fizz, you always get more for your money. Terms and conditions for our different programs and policies apply. Details at Fizz.ca. You are listening to the Glass Cannon Network, the premier source for role-playing game entertainment. That was the loudest Joe ever!

My parents always said if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all! Looks like the Niners won. I shouldn't even have to ask this, but how are we doing, Portland? Any non-Caucasian men without a beard here tonight? If you're listening to the recording afterwards, there was one woo for 4,000 people. It's a very white bearded city. Sorry sir, I'm so sorry. Let me get that for you. You know what else I haven't seen since I landed here? Thank you.

He dropped his cane. You dropped your cane, son. Get away from my cane! I'm so sorry, sir. You dropped your cane. Wait for my cane. You know what else I haven't seen since I landed here? A single child.

It is eerie. This is not a bit. No, I have not seen a single child. It is eerie. This is not a bit. No. I have not seen a single child. It's children of men in Portland, right? I feel like I'm in a Twilight Zone episode. There's like tents all over the streets and yeah. Not a single child at the airport walking around. I feel like this trip is gonna end with me like running through this graffiti covered street, hearing like a child crying somewhere and I'm just gonna push down buildings that are cardboard cutouts and there's gonna be bassinets everywhere full of baby dolls crying

Jesus I haven't slept in three weeks I have a very vivid imagination Anyways You freeloing unwashed hippies. Glad you could get your shift cover to the coffee shop or brewery you work at two nights a week to come tonight. I know you didn't need a babysitter in this childless town. babysitter in this childless town. Thank God this show didn't run up against a protest to try and get the government to cover pets as dependents, otherwise no one would be here tonight. Fucking weirdos. Now you guys are all right. You

and your lawless shanty town. Because damn it I've said it once and I'll say it again the Pacific Northwest has the best glass cannon fans. Yeah. What? The year was 2019, good sir. And somewhere around here in a true dump of a theater emblematic of this city, we played our fifth show of this tour. There might have been some people who were at that show in this very room tonight. Who was at show number five?

Oh my God, I love it. Amazing. This is show 97. Oh my God. But in that room, Praislog was born. Praislog! May all your logs be smooth. And I think it's fair to say the true spirit of this show was born right here in Portland many many years ago

Oh, yeah, I agree The only thing born in this aforementioned childless today Every time I do a show I always wonder what the praise log moment is gonna be we don't always have them No might be a father dick Whenever I do a show, I always wonder what the praise log moment is going to be. We don't always have them. No. Might be a father dick. Praise dick. Praise dick. Might be these two banging.

Been there, done that. Special when it happens. Now, some of you may have noticed I'm walking with a cane. Okay? I have a herniated disc between my L3 and L4 lumbar that's impinging on my nerves. I know that doesn't mean anything to anyone here because there are no doctors in Portland. Everyone's primary care physician is a fucking veterinarian. There's a chiropractor. There's a chiropractor.

You're a chiropractor. Could you get up here, please? Yeah. And attend to this? You're a very badly wounded man. But you get up here, please? Yeah. And attend to this badly wounded man? But Buddy offers their services. So... But everybody's PCP is a horse doctor. You are a very, very kind and thoughtful non-doctor chiropractor. Yes.

The kind of bedside manner a real doctor should have. Anyways, I can't walk, I can't sleep, every waking moment is pain, and on top of that, I'm forced to hang out in this cultureless strip club donut city. Who's to say what's worse? I don't know. But we're gonna have some fun tonight.

Maybe not. Sometimes the show sucks. Sometimes I walk away and I'm like, that show sucked. It is an improv show. That's why I tell people I meet at the meet and greet before the show. By the way, you guys are awesome. Great crowd tonight. Thank you so much. It was so fun talking to you guys, especially because we haven't been here for two years. But a lot of people I tell them I'm like, I hope the show's good. Yeah. Yeah, I truly don't know. We don't know there's no script

No, not like it's a bad. The script is incredible We can always fall back in the scripts like no, we don't know what the fuck's gonna happen, right? Like SNL cue cards something that'd be great. Yeah, I wish like any plan in advance of anything, right? Yeah, sometimes Joe in the hotel room be like can can just tell me what room to go into tonight so that we can make like a better Show and I try goes no Usually those conversations are prefaced by Troy saying well you could go one way and the show will be good Or you can go the other way will be disaster What's rage you want us to go?

And he's like I can't infringe on the purity of the game. Shut up! It's called integrity! Jesus. You're gonna break your cane. You are gonna break the cane. I already broke my cane! You need that!

Because I'm a fucking dummy, I'm trying to make my kids laugh. I picked up an acorn, I was like, watch dad, hit some dingers! Boom, the thing went flying. My wife and I looked for like hours, can't find it. So I'm walking around the airport like this. No tracks in it.

Yeah, I think that cane is now more dangerous than it was helpful. Stay off my lawn. Are you gonna be funny today or are you just gonna try and bang all my NPCs? He loves...he loves banging my NPCs into banging fictional characters. You are spicy tonight. You are spicy.

I'm spicy? And I think it's gonna only increase our sexual tension. I'm so tired I couldn't get an erection if I tried. That's why we have dice, Troy. I sat down in the hotel shower today. Oh god. I laid down a towel and I just sat there. You don't need to tell us this.

Just like squirting soap into my hand, hoping it would land in my palm. You're so sad. Because I can't stand. So there's no children, there's no doctors, and there's no soap in the hotel shower? Quiet down. Everybody else showered here today? Yeah.

Like standing up? Must be nice. Must be nice! Must be nice! Can you please move your glasses away from your cane slamming area? I knew this would be a fun prop! Oh no! This is going to be fun tonight though, I really think so. I have some fun stuff planned, they'll probably ruin it.

They usually do. With savvy gameplay. Right, Sydney? What, are you talking to me? No. Show 97 tonight, we're in LA in two nights for 98. Who's coming to LA? Just a few. Just a few. Awesome, we'll see you there. Show 97 tonight. We're in LA in two nights for 98 who's coming LA

Awesome we'll see you there. I Think we'll do a marathon for extra life this year a little strange aeons marathon Because then we can finish the year in Philly with show 100 100 show What do you think about that, Matthew? I think if you care about even round numbers, why would you give them to Philadelphia? Oh! Woo!

Woo! Woo! Woo! But then again, I guess we shouldn't dunk on Philadelphia too hard right now, right? No, I don't want to because I just, I think it would be unfair. Oh! I'm broken in and I'm like...

Wait, how many games did the Mets win? One, two, three! What? I suck! Are you trying to dramatically take the cape off? What is happening here? You really need a Velcro top to that thing. This is a loner cape. This is Katie's cape out there. Do you have to give it back at the end of the show? I told her that I'd wear it on stage and give it back to her.

I like the purple on the inside. You're still working it there though. It's a really nice cape. I don't know how to get this off. Katie, how do you get this off? Matthew, help him. What if you get amorous with a fan later? How are you gonna whip that cape off? Oh wait, no I got it, I got it. Hold on, hold on. Hey!

Oh he's giving it back now. Are you throwing it? Oh he's leaving it there. Oh that was very nice. Katie West! Ladies and gentlemen. This is normally our Halloween show, but we did it earlier this year because I want to be a good dad. But I still feel like I have a costume. I'm Mr. Peanut. Anyways, we should probably play this game. Yeah! I don't want them. I'd rather just hang out with my friends.

And Matthew. But perhaps we'll take it to the recap. Joe! Give me some music. Oh yeah! Portland recap music! Recaps specifically to Portland. I got nothing. Abdel didn't work. Prednisone didn't work. Tylenol didn't work.

Muscle relaxers didn't work. Oh. Bud Light's working. Recap. Some things require a lot of work to grow, Like plants, hair, babies, or your savings. But when you run a business, you already have enough on your plate. Scotiabank's Right Size Savings for Business account can help you grow your savings with ease. For a limited time, open a new account and earn up to 4.65% interest for the first six months.

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Vroom, vroom. I'm going really fast. I just got my license. Can I borrow the car, please, Mom? kids go from 0 to 18 and no time you'll be relieved They have 24 7 roadside assistance with intact insurance You go to Nana's house tomorrow I want to go to Jack's place today. I'll just take the car don't wait up Okay, kids go from 0 to 18 and no time don't they at intact insurance We insure your car so you can enjoy the ride

Visit intact dot see or talk to your broker conditions apply Last time in the real American city of Boston Jesus crack what the hell man We're not we're not with, we're not with him. We're not with him. Our heroes, I want to gesture with this the whole time. Our heroes continued their investigation of the library of the occult known as the Mysterium. That has been on public bathroom floors.

Over and over and over again. It's botulism at the end of the day. You point that on Matthew all day long, don't point that at me. You love botulism. Sir, it's an HR violation. So they're at this library of the occult known as the Mysterium. Sir, it's an HR violation. So they're at this library of the occult known as the Mysterium. They have now traveled to the third level, deep below the earth.

You know what I never thought of before? When you built the library and you named it the Mysterium, didn't you think something was going to go wrong there? Well, they built safeguards for that. But later in the recap, you'll find out what happened to those safeguards. They're looking for the soul of the Mysterium deep below the Earth, where allegedly the great tome known as the Necronomicon is held. But it's not the book thereafter so much as the man that's after the book.

A man named Count Hazerton Liles IV, who came to the Mysterium ahead of you, bribed the keepers of the library to let him in, and then went places he wasn't supposed to go in search of this necronomicon. Lowes wants this book because it contains the location of a hidden city called Nerusivan. Wherein lies ancient monuments that predate humanity, which can be activated to allow an alien god into the world. A great old one named Jamin Dorr Dor who has infected Lyle's mind and is now using him as its terrestrial servant.

What are you guys talking about over there? That's so funny. Stop. Can you tell me? If you must know, we're talking about how short we feel right now and that's why I'm sitting on my foot. And Matthew was like, I feel short right now. And all of a sudden Kate got taller and I felt extremely short.

I just actually had the same thought. These chairs are sunken. Yeah they're very low chairs. It's really good that we're all listening to the recap and not in our own heads about how we are feeling. When I say I have not heard a word of the recap. I'm not exaggerating. Troy when you're ready. Sorry, you were saying?

Were you saying something? Oh no. Oh no. Not again, Pa! Not the cane again! Papa, no! Listen to the rehab! It's important, it's for them!

Watch your phone! Hey! Don't rile up old man LeValley! I think you've found your true apotheosis. It is. Let me finish this stupid recap, then you can roleplay and talk about your height. Liles, Necronomicon, Xamandor, you're with me so far, trying to get to the soul. Lyle's may be there, the Necronomicon may be there, but in order to get down each level

you got to find these four angel statues on each floor. Turn their head around, exorcist style. Open a gateway, descend further. You are now on this third level, the Cypher Obscura. And you found three of the four angel statues. You cannot find the fourth one. There's a lot going on down here on this level. A lot of illusion magic.

The doors to the various chambers almost have to be believed to be seen. And those that you have opened thus far have been full of trapped and cursed books, and all manner of creatures great and small. In Boston, you walked into a room with four creatures of pure law known as axiomites, who have worked with the library's keepers

for centuries as their holy guardians. You know that Jomindor's influence on Laos has warped the protections of the Mysterium. So when Laos entered, they were somehow shunted from their rightful place to this floor. When they saw you, they went into protect mode and tried to eliminate you

until they saw the holy symbol of Nephthys on one of your companions, a local sexy priest by the name of Father Bubbles. They saw this symbol and they were like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, we shouldn't have attacked you. You guys are cool, get out of here. They let you free.

You then walked into the next room with Father Bubbles who was holding the body of a man named Elder Lathene who you are tasked with finding dead or alive. He's carrying this body. You walk into another library room, see a chest, and 96 episodes into this game, try to open the chest without a single perception check. That's not, that's actually not true.

We had a perception check it was just from Joe oh all right so we did it we didn't have a perceptive effectively no perception check at all effectively no perception well the chest appears to be locked however just trying to tamper with it is that a bubble yeah there's bubbles. Someone's blowing bubbles. It's fun. Someone is forever. It's so sad, like this is our only like, pyro. ... forever blowing bubble.

This is solitary bubble. It's so eerie, it's so ominous. My kids right now would be like, Oh! It's like American, it's like American Beauty. Yeah. I want to make a film about it. It's Glinda, the good witch.

Yeah, it's like Wizard of Oz. That's what it is. She's to make a film about it. It's Glinda the Good Witch. Yeah, it's like Wizard of Oz. That's what it is. She's flying away. Right when we need her. You try to open the chest, chain lightning goes off! What a fun way to start the app. Oh, take it to the map!

Oh, poop. Reboot. Boo! Loading world data. Loading. Dan, watch out! Please don't boo our sponsor. You know who I blame? It's our asshole sponsor.

Yeah. Dude, this Foundry VTT sucks so much. Like, I, in my home game, I should be able to load up my game for my friends, set it up on the computer, and then not touch it for three and a half hours while having drinks and talking to other people. And then come back and have it up and running. I don't understand. Where's that functionality? Where's that functionality?

Check it out at foundryvtt.com. I don't understand. Where's that functionality? Where's that functionality? Check it out at FoundryVTT.com. That's it. Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Gorgeous, gorgeous!

It's gorgeous. I'm gonna read the text for Chain Lightning. A spell six. You discharge a powerful bolt of lightning at the target dealing eightd12. Oh, electricity damage. Excuse me, sir. Hello.

Is that by chance physical or energy damage? What? That lightning damage. What about it? Is it by chance physical or energy damage? It's lightning. It's electricity. Energy damage.

So energy, would'd you say? Perhaps. Good to know. I mean, maybe. Because as that happens, Eris does something. Well, hold your horses. You got a reaction, John?

Got a reaction, John, that I prepped. React, John. Yes, it is energy damage. The main types of energy damage are Got a reaction, John, that I prepped. Whoa. React, John? Yes, it is energy damage. The main types of energy damage are acid, cold, electricity, fire, and sonic. But hold your horses. Fantastic. It's going to strike, what do you got?

What? What? I also would like to react. Oh! What is the trigger for your reaction and has it been triggered yet? Oh, yeah. The trigger, don't look at this Sydney because you're gonna be like, holy shit. You're lying. Don't look at it. Am I gonna think you're lying? No, stop. Don't look directly into the sun Sydney. Don't look at a Marion.

Am I gonna think you're lying? No, stop! Go look at him, Marian! The trigger is... You are targeted by... or within the area... of... of... of...

Okay, you are targeted by or within the area of the spell. That's all I'm gonna say right now. Okay, well, this is going to try and hit one person. They roll a reflex save. If it hits, it then will arc to another creature within 30 feet of the first target, jumping, jumping, jumping. And I can end that chain with a point. So are you within range? If you remember, you cowardly moved to the back of the room Smartly 40 feet away from Suki meaning you are not within the range of this Oh, no, you said in Boston had targeted all of us

Cowards never win. Oh This is horrible. I'm gonna have it start By going after Suki it start by going after Suki. I didn't even open the freaking chest! But you're there and it's much more dramatic if Ethel does something that hurts you. So I would like a reflex save while I gather 75 d12s. This, well, this is really, this is really fucked up because last time Ethel got confused and started attacking Suki in that room and now you're doing it to me. Hold on a second I'm sorry how am I not in the range of the spell? Because if it hits Suki it can then go to someone 30 feet

away. You're not 30 feet away you're 40 feet away. No but I'm 30 feet away from other targets. I'm within the range of the spell. Look at the giant screen on stage, Troy. What? You just drawn a line between other bubbles and... Yeah, sorry, I know you can't turn back. Wait, where are you? I'm within 30 feet of Algo. I was saying all the... I'm within 25 feet of the John Jamski. But it would have to... I'm within 25 feet of... But it would have to hit them for you to react.

I'm saying, until it hits someone that's within 30 feet of you, which I will wait as long as possible to do, you can't do your cool thing. It's a sixth level intelligence spell. This is very... It can strategize. Well, mine triggers when you would take damage and it targets up to five creatures. Also good to know. No worries. What did I have to... What was again reflex? Yeah, no problem 37 And might I add I rolled a natural 20 Wait, why didn't you say that person?

Because it was funny to have you go, that's still gonna...oh. Wow, that is astounding. That breaks chain lightening. It breaks chain lightening. And it was on... Cindy! Portland City!

Portland City! Portland City! Portland City! Portland City! Wow, opened with a net? What? Oh my GCP, little green dye. I got a little green dye too, bitch. Wow. Oh, he's on his phone again, he's checking sports. I hope you had more stuff planned for tonight, Troy. That's all I have. Were you just planning on killing us and watching while we made new charges? I literally thought I'd just sit on Portland and do chain lightning and call it a night.

That should theoretically take two and a half hours, easily. The hotel bar closes at 11, I want to get back. Honestly, feel kind of bad I rolled a nat 20. I feel good about it, but I feel bad for you. You had so much planned. You had all these plans. I've never felt worse in my life and you just made it worse. Oh, I'm sorry to kick you while you're down.

That's amazing. That's so funny. That's so good for me. So funny, so hilarious. So proud of you. That's it. And Suki says, that almost was really bad, but actually nothing bad happened, Ethel, so go ahead open that chest and we can just keep opening chests forever. Boy, Atticus eagerly re-enters the room. Oh, what's that there? Nothing bad happened at all, and Ethel I think is going to crack this bad boy open.

Suki, that could have been very ugly. Well done. What? What happened? I didn't even notice. My hair got a little... It jumped. It jumped at you and you jumped out of the way so quickly. Do you realize? My hair got a little frizzy for a second. If it would have hit you, it could have jumped to Ethel, and then jumped to Aldo or Eris. No, it could. I think you're catastrophizing. I don't think it was that big of a deal. No, it's incredible.

No, she jumped out of the way. That lightning, like TJ Hooker jumping onto the hood of a car. It's incredible. It was most impressive, but that spell is so powerful that I can only imagine what it protected. What is inside? What do you see? Ethel, perhaps you should try to open it again

without doing any perception checks or anything at all. Da da da da. Woo! It's locked. Oh. It's locked. I guess we should leave then. The chain lighting as it tried to fire off also made the lock unopenable

Trapping the treasure within its return. Let me give it to go Ethel step aside Ethel I'm sorry. I don't have control over any tokens in this scene What a weird thing to say out loud Ethel are you okay? I can't move. Oh. Try refreshing your job. Something, some godlike power is restraining me to this five by five invisible square on the ground. Have you tried refreshing your browser window, Ethel. You know who I blame? It's our asshole sponsor! There's two, there's two Matthew Capitacazas. There's Matthew Capitacaza and then there's Matthew

parentheses disabled. Oh! And neither of you own Ethel. It's kind of like Joe and I decided we shouldn't give Matthew control of it. Yeah, you booted me. It was after all those complaints of you running around the map. You know what? He's lost the privilege.

Try moving him now. Nothing, but I'll refresh. It's because you booted me from all of our games. It's a funny prank. Take a hint. Alright, what do you want to do? Atticus is going to, he leans his staff up against the wall and pulls from beneath his jacket. You want to use this? Yes. I have a prop tonight.

Really lean into it. He leans the staff against his laptop. And then goes into his coat and pulls out a leather casing that he opens up and has thieves tools inside. He's going to start working the lock and trying to get through this lock. So, I will roll to pick the lock. 29. 29, that's thievery? Thievery. What level of thievery are you?

I believe I am an expert. Let's just say expert. He's not even on the page. He doesn't know. Whose team are you on? You can't open it. I'm sorry, yes. Beyond my skill. Aldo, bring the chime. Ah, yes.

Oh. What? You mean this chime? And he pulls back his staff. And will never let it go again. SUGIE says, can I see that staff? Absolutely. Is that a normal way to pass things? That's how people pass things to each other, I guess. The old... Yep, that's a staff. And She hands it back. Oh wait.

Do it the right way. All right. Show off. Yeah, Suki does that. Can I see it? When we invented Praised Log, did you ever think you'd come to a Glass Cannon show for cane tricks? Yeah.

Oh. Oh. Now this is gonna end well. It's a canicorn. Who else wants to see it? Anybody want to open the chest? Yes. Oh yeah, yeah. What are we doing?

There are 400 people here. Break the time. I'm breaking the time. I took this in the shower with me. Oh, damn it. Ow, ow. Oh. Ow. I took this in the shower with me. Oh, damn it. Ow, ow. Oh! Ow!

I took all of it in. Oh, no. You took the whole thing? What? ["The Chime"] Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! All right, Aldo hits the chime. You want some hand sanitizer? Yes. I do. I want to wash my hands. Except for the green. What? What hits the chime. You want some hand sanitizer? Yes. I do, I want to wash my hands.

What's the chime? What are you doing? Chime. Okay. What is that? The chime of opening. The chime of opening. The chime of some action.

I fucking ring the chime of opening. As you use this chime to open it, Atticus, you hear a voice in the back of your mind that's like, Bore you to the all-seeing eye. And the chest opens. Within you see a scroll stored within a leather, screenshot, bodkin case, a jade, gold, and obsidian corkscrew in the shape of a hand, and a set of marvelous medicine.

Oh very interesting. Atticus reaches in and grabs this gorgeous scroll case and we'll open it to see if there is a scroll within. Might be trapped. Yeah, I might just do a perception check on that first. It won't matter. It begins to open the scroll case. You're so good at pathfuckers. It's just a picture of a dick. Whoa! Oh, let me see that! Let me look! of a dick. They tried to protect us. They're hiding it so carefully. What kind of spell

is that? Can I see it? Someone in this room, at some time long ago, was drawing dicks. Someone hilarious owned this chest. A real prankster. Give me a arcana check. Did you ever do that in college, like your roommate would be out and you'd just change the screen saver to a dick? They'd come home, huh? I gotta work on this. Oh yeah! I would have done that if they had screensavers when I was in college. They would just make a dick out of your abacus. Yeah, just spell dick on the abacus and they'd be like, what do I do?

What'd you roll? I have to tell a very quick dick story. Please do. We're amongst friends. I'm sorry. I must. I was hanging out with some college friends long after college and one of us who was a little bit older had kids who were a little bit older. This was before I had kids myself and we partied all night and it got late and he passed out first on a couch. We were all staying in my friend's house and we drew a dick on his bald head with a sharpie, like on the side of his head, like Sydney's scorpion tattoo.

Only a dick. He woke up in the morning, didn't know, went in to like whatever in the sink, brushes teeth, shit oh shit try to wash it off it's not coming off this was Christmas time that's why we were all getting back together and he was like I have to go to an advent mass with my kids like right now and he went to the mass with a dick on his head. He could not get it off. We felt very bad. Oh my god.

Yeah, it was bad. Got him, got him. Boys will be boys. Anyway. Did you roll an arcana check? I did. I don't know why I prepped anything. boys. Anyway. Did you roll an arcana check? I did. I don't know why I prepped anything. 25.

25. I'm gonna say that that initially doesn't get it, but over time... I rolled a 35. Again, the more intelligent character... Yeah. ...sees a scroll of desiccate. Oh! Oh.

This is great, we wanted to start a beef jerky company. This'll make it so much easier! Although I don't know these scribblings, what is this? This is an eighth level spell. Oh, fuck. Yeah, this is fucked up. This is fucked up shit. Target any number of living creatures. You pull the moisture from the target's body, stealing 10d10 void damage.

Oh! Creatures made of water and plant creatures use the outcome of one degree of success worse than the result of their saving throw. Oh! of one degree of success worse than the result of their saving throw. Creatures whose bodies contain no significant moisture are immune to desiccate. It is a nasty fucking scroll. Wow. Dude, this is awesome.

Wow. And Aldo takes it from your hand. Wow. It's funny, because I actually used the word desiccate earlier today at OMSI with Samantha. Because we wanted to buy water, we were really thirsty, and the guy stepped away from the counter. And he was just like, he's going to come back to a pair of desiccated corpses. Because we can't want to go to the side of the water. So it's a fun coincidence.

It's come full circle. You know what I like about this word? I always think it's two S's but it's actually two C's. It's desiccate. I never knew it was desiccate. It used to be's horrid writing. My flesh is melting away from horrid writing! You know why, Blaine? It's our asshole sponsor. Horrid writing. No, it says Wilting. I just can't read. I know you're having some problems. Before I had my glasses on, I was like, horrid writing.

I realized just in this moment of Googling desiccate, I think I've interchanged desiccrate and desiccate. I was about to be like, you mean desiccrate? You know what I mean? Multiple times. We should give it to Kate because that'd be a fun new nickname for her. That's fun.

I like that. Desiccate, Kate, desiccate, desiccate, desiccate. Yes, she brings- I like it. Yeah, she brings death wherever she goes. Sucks the life out of you. She saps moisture from everything that she ends up hanging out with. You've sacked moisture from everyone around you.

I make them the opposite of wet. Oh my god. Yes. Can't make jokes. That's what I love about you, Kate. Can't make jokes. I'm the CEO. So get done. Gotta text my friends.

That won't get you caught. What do you guys want to do in this room? Wait, I want to take the hand. The hand thing. That thing looks cool. Ksuki picks that up. What is it again? Sorry? It's a it's like a corkscrew to open a bottle of wine. Oh in the shape of a hand

Can I do an arcana does it feel magical doesn't it's probably worth some gold Of course the set of marvelous medicines. Oh right the medicines who wants to take how many are there? set Sorry Who wants to take... how many are there? Uh, Sam. Sorry, you? Is there an equivalent in Tui of the appraise skill? Like what would... Yeah, you just... You tell me and I'll tell you how much... I'll do... can I do a crafting check on it?

On the Marvelous Medicines or the Hand? On the... well first on the Hand. Okay, the Hand is worth ten gold. Ooh! I know. These checks are dumb. Okay. Okay.

Marvelous medicine. It's pretty cool. It's a healer's toolkit containing a seemingly endless supply of bandages, herbs, and healing items of impeccable quality, granting you a plus two item bone to medicine checks. Whoa! If you use it when you treat a poison or treat a disease, before you roll your check, the medicines attempt to counteract the poison

or disease you're treating with a counteract rank of five plus 21. Oh wow, okay, so is this a reusable item or is it expendable? I don't know. I'll Google it later. Suki picks it up though and she's very familiar with it. She could name every herb in this kit. And she says, I should hold onto this for later. Suki picks it up though and she's very familiar with it. She could name every herb in this kit. And she says, I should hold onto this for later. We'll probably need it knowing

what's coming. If the spell scroll is in here and they were to use that against us. What is it called again? I think it's reusable. I think it acts as a toolkit that you can use over and over again. Character talking. Are you still going? No'm done fuck it what was it called again marvelous medicines I wrote it down the last sentence says the medicines can't be used to treat the same affliction for that patient again so yeah it's a reusable it's cost 1800 gold it's tool it's a. This is awesome. That thing is such a tool. Oh my God, it's a 12th level item. Whoa, wow. Wait, can I use that?

Yes. You're trained in medicine, right? Yeah, yeah. This room contains thousands of handwritten journals and bound books containing hours upon hours worth of automatic writing, as well as transcripts of trances and drug-induced ecstasies. The writings cover thousands of subjects and while some passages and pages make sense most of it is useless garbage.

Um... Alright. I'm going to root around a little bit further in the chest, just to see if there's anything hidden in the chest. There's nothing you're done with this room. Alright, let's go. GM should say that more. Yeah, they really should. I totally do that when I jam.

Yeah. Nothing else in the- I'm like, you search the room, there's nothing there. Come on, Ethel, why are you still standing there? I'm still struck to this position by some godlike- Bye, Ethel! Bye! Bye!

Ethel, we'll see you! So sorry about your token control. Good evening! Whatever that is. A little help with the body of Elder Lethene. Oh, Father Bubbles, are you okay? You still can't control yourself, huh? Nope. Oh, bye, Ethel.

You can't control yourself. Um... Goodbye, everyone. Oh, there you go. Who's moving him? Is that you? That would be me. Oh.

You gave Joe control of my pawn? I cast Dominate! Ha ha ha ha ha! Cop! He speaks to him like a dog. Uh, it looks like the entire southern portion of our map, which I think should be there, is blacked out by fog of war. First of all, there are no shits in this game. As you know, ever since entering this level, things are weird. Yeah.

Places you go, you turn, and they're no longer there. Left is right, right is left, down is up, up is blue. Up is beef, I believe. Up is beef. Up is always beef. Down is cheese, up is beef. I can move again. Let me stretch my legs, I know how the people love that

God damn it Ethel. We're going south. Oh You have explored a chamber to the northwest and the northeast you know that there's like these cubes of unexplored areas seems to be to the southwest and the southeast but like every door that you've come upon on this level you have to like perceive it to believe that the door is there oh I believe the door is there yeah I'd like to perceive the door I'd like to believe I want to believe I want to believe all right which so you're going to the southeast yeah south we saw the East we South we okay cool all right so give me a perception check natural, natural one. Stop. Oh.

Natural four. 33. Larry. 29. 29. 29. While Ethel and Atticus and Eris stumble around with their fingers up their noses, Stumble around with their fingers up their noses. Suki and Aldo see two doors.

One right there. And one right there. Audio listeners. Yeah. People who stayed home tonight. Yeah, make them feel bad. So you have a couple options. Aldo, do you see that? Yes, there and there. There's one there and one there. How can there be two things? This truly is a mystery of the Tatsumas. Shut up, you can't see shit.

Alright, Aldo. Only two things at one time! Aldo, here's the plan. Perhaps we open both at the same time. Yes. No perception checks. That sounds like a great idea. That sounds fun.

Just an idea. There's no wrong answers. Alright, on three. Yes, there are. Alright. I want to go to the door that Suki's opening. Okay. Yeah, Eris, you're with me. Okay. Got you, girl. I forgot what you rolled. Did you roll? Good. Four. Oh. All right, hold my hand. All right, show me which doors you guys are going to. There. Door. And there. Let's do the south-eastern door first, please. Okay. She says Aldo. Yes. Oh, oh sorry I thought you said dick okay father

dick yes which should we go to you just open the door the south-east you're there okay this is your door Aldo hold off a moment now I was gonna do a funny joke okay on three on three one two three I open the door. And I don't open my door. Ah! And everyone laughs. Everyone laughs. Oh, you... Great joke.

You got me. Yeah. Ah, that one's straight from Melbourne. You just got a Melbourne cream pie. That's what we call that down there. Is that what they call it? Yep. All right Ethel stop fucking walking into the room. I took a five-foot step

God damn it Ethel steps into the room It's another collection of books the air in here feels oddly fresh Compared to the musty smell of the other rooms on this level Top note a quick perception from the door to just scanning the room for dangers. Okay. Invisible creatures moving about. Oh yeah. Fuck.

He does? God. 26. 26. You're scanning the room, looking at all these tomes right up your alley. All these books, so much knowledge. Man, I wish I had like a cane prop for my staff. So much knowledge for your tiny rat brain.

And you look throughout the room and there just seems to be this like air current that is coming from somewhere and sort of pushing fresh air towards you. It's very unsettling. It could be an opening of sorts. Do you feel that? An opening that would take off, that would come all the way down here to the basement? Perhaps it punches into something below. Perhaps there is an abscess beneath us. But yes, it feels as if fresh air is coming in Perhaps there is a cavern below. I can't explain it. It is a mysterious

Can we tell where it's coming from in the room? Yeah, could I do like a survival check or something? I'm gonna slowly walk with my staff toward like wherever I feel a light wind blowing in my face. I keep walking toward the wind. Okay. The way the stacks are set up in this room, you can't even see sort of the further, the deeper portions of the room,

although you can see the topography of the map here. But you begin walking. Who's walking towards the back of the room, although you can see the topography of the map here, but you begin walking. Who's walking towards the back of the room? I'm walking towards where the air is coming from. Yeah, Suki's following the air, rolled a 29 survival just to know if this is like a hole to the outside or like something maybe bad. How would you roll, Eris?

Oh, hold on. I'm rolling a dice that's full of tiny little eyes. I'm sure it's gonna roll real good. Oh Am I rolling perception you roll whatever the hell you want oh This doesn't matter 34 34 yeah perception yep, okay so both suki with her survival and eras with perception feel like this air current is coming from the... Is that an altar? The deep southwest of the room

in the direction of what looks like a bookcase with some statuettes atop. Atticus, that way. Perhaps, it looks like a bookcase. Perhaps there's a door or an opening. Yes. You first. I have secret training too an opening. Yes. You first. I have secret training too.

I could always send Egg first. That's always an option. He'll start to walk toward it. No worries, Egg gets the fuck. Is it in the south-west direction? The western direction. To the west. To the west.

Yeah. Stay close. And lower your voice. I'll say it. It's hot. He talks so loud. Like adventuring with a gorilla. At that moment.

As Atticus steps boldly away from his companions towards the leftmost side of this chamber, towards the leftmost side of this chamber. The source of the air current makes itself visible. And you see this being of pure air. Ooh, is it a friend? That looks like this. It doesn't look... Oh!

Oh, wow. Oh, dear. Roll for initiative! Oh, wow. Dear. Roll for initiative. Oh, shit. Okay. Roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll, roll 26 for Aldar. 26 for Aldo. Atticus Grimm? What? What did he say? What word was that? Atticus Grimm? Oh, Atticus Grimm, that is a natural 20! 38. 38. Holy shit. In a moment he really needed it 38 you said 30 You said there's you go before me. I'm walking off 38 you said right

38 against your made-up initiative Apple. Yes Apple 24 24 for Apple pretty good 38 24 for Athel, pretty good. A lot of 38. 50. I know, he's so bad. 35. Ooh, also good. Can I ask, also better than Athel.

Can I ask a question? Yeah. We healed, right? Yes. We were fully healed and fully rested. Yeah, I'm fully healed on my character sheet, we healed. Can't you just say you heal? Yeah, we did heal.

We fully healed and fully rested. No, we did. We did. All right. Can I use say you heal. We fully healed and fully rested. No, we did. We did. All right. Can I use my perception that I already rolled as my initiative? Yes. 34.

34? Yes. Also good. The air being rolled a 38. Oh, you're so full of shit, dude. Like, it's so ridiculous. What was our last show? And don't keep giving me like they're higher than you what? Boston was the last show what was the show before that?

Indianapolis I rolled this in Indianapolis in the hotel why I've been sitting on the Pre-roll these and I feel you pre-roll that comes out good you keep it Wait, so who wins though? He got a nat 20. What's your monoply? Yeah, bad guy goes first. Oh, it's so fucking ridiculous. The encounter begins.

Yes. Natural 20 means nothing. Bullshit. How about a breath weapon? Wait, we have things we do when we roll initiative efforts. Oh yes, we need to demoralize. All right, sure, intimidate my air being. Alright.

That'll be huge, because it would lower the savings. That's for all the people who yell about me, to me about that on Reddit. Alright, so this is gonna be against its... Will DC. Will DC, yes. 39. Wait. Don't say 29. Yeah, 39.

Okay. Natural 17. Awesome. You have a plus 22? Yeah I do, I've got a crown. Dude, she is terrified. I don't want her in the party. She's a monster from hell. She's got a neck mouth.

Hey, hey. You don't know her like I know. That is a critical success. No! Desiccate, desiccate. She's so scary. Desiccate. So what does that mean, I'm frightened too?

Frightened too for 45 minutes. Stop, stop talking. you are frightened to yes Battle cry you're frightened to break into Well very standard time in to eat for crits is 45 minutes Okay, well shit I'm still gonna do a breath weapon Let me get my cone out. My 30 foot cone coming at you. Oh, is Eris outside of it? Oh, yeah, dude. Yeah, Eris, I was waiting for you to come in. So Atticus, Suki, Pepsi, and Ethel all give me a save of the fortitude variety.

All right. All right. Playing games in front of people. What'd you get there, Joe? 34. 34. Portland this is going well. Okay. Suki what'd you get? 21. Yeah I rolled bad. For Suki, Nat 20 for Pepsi, for 37. Critical success, okay.

So critical success, fail, success, Ethel? 39. Critical success. Oh yeah. Yeah. So. Oh yeah, he's the fortuitousness fellow. Here's what's gonna happen.

That's what they call him. This gust of wind that comes out of it pushes Atticus back 20 feet. Whoa! Pushes Suki back 40 feet. Suki crashes into the wall and takes 36 points of bludgeoning damage. Oh! Boom! Fuck, I hit my head so hard.

Smashes into the wall and then it just like Crackling electricity comes from its body at Apple Scotty give it a beat scatting 39 to hit Apple that excuse me, frightened. 37. That is a hit. Let me just roll my D12s here. 20 points of electricity damage. Jesus. Good news, bad news. It's Atticus' turn. You're funny. This guy.

Oh, right. Okay, yes. Oh no. Oh no. Alright. How about, let's just start with a recall knowledge of this creature. What would I be rolling to learn about what this thing is or how it can be defeated? Knowledge air. Knowledge air. You could do arcana or uh. I'll do arcana. Arcana. There you shove that cane right up your ass. Fuck. Uh 30. 30. This is like an air elemental variety known as an aerial servant. Oh. It was a good roll. So I'm gonna give you some beef here.

That breath weapon, it can only do every one D4 rounds. Okay, so for you, every round. Every round. For me, every round. It's immune to bleed, paralyzed, poison, and sleep. Bleed, paralyzed, poison, and sleep. Whated, paralyzed, poison, and sleep. What about weaknesses? What about resistances?

I'm curious just about pledging. Please deposit five cents if you'd like. No. More knowledge. OK. I'm just going to try to slow him down. So he's going to reach out and do that same thing that he did in Boston, where he twists the time that exists around the creature in an attempt to slow it,

reducing its actions per round. So you roll. God. Well, up a second ago, I lost it. I can't remember fortitude save. Well, fortitude fortitude. lost it. I can't remember. Fortitude save? Well, Fort. Fortitude. Fortitude. Good roll. 31.

God. Exactly a success. Oh, you're frightened. Oh! You bitch! You lie, you piece of shit! Go fuck yourself! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Fortitude! Thank you. I love you guys. I gave the wrong number. He said, you bitch. You lying piece of shit. Go fuck yourself. And you're cheering him. This is this is one of those moments where I'm having a great time and when we get to LA, I'll listen back to this and be like, that was really over the line.

I'll be listening to this at eight in the morning while exercising. It's really unnecessary. That was too much. Yo, Joe, cut yourself a little slack. You know, beloved sports franchises and their repressed losses can weigh heavily on the psyche. It's true. God, it really does.

So it's gonna be a 29. 29 is a fail, that's what I needed. So you are slowed one for one minute. One minute? Wow. Wow. So you are slowed one for one minute Wow Wow, yeah, you're down to two actions per turn, which I just think is phenomenal Does that have the incapacitation tree Oh No I don't think so. I don't see why it would because it doesn't take you out. Do you want to look it up instead of just guessing? I I would because it doesn't take you out of the fight. Do you want to look it up instead of just guessing?

I could. But what if I don't like what I see? Like, I don't think so. It's written! Uh, I don't see it. Oh, there it is. Nope. Does not have the incapacity strain. Because it doesn't take you out of the fight. It's just making it a little harder for you. Pretty cool. Anything else?

Uh, no, that is it. Rec call knowledge and then a two action casting. That's huge for one minute. Wow encounter killer Suki Encounter killers Suki All right, so Suki is prone. No, you're not prone Smashed into the wall, but you're not okay Nope, you're not prone. You got smashed into the wall, but you're not prone. Okay. If you had a failure, you would have been prone. By the way, I'm sorry, quick note in case it comes up during anybody else's turn.

Your result was a 30, not a 29, because you were frightened one after your turn was over. Thank you. So if it comes up again, you're at one right now. Thank you, I'm very tired. Alright, so Suki is going to... Fuck it. To action, John. Okay.

You see Suki looks up after smacking her head into this bookcase. A little bit hurt. She looks up, she looks pissed. And suddenly from around her, all the moisture in the room gathers around her in a swirl of desiccate. Desiccate. I'm not casting desiccate. All the water swirls around her in a swirl of desiccate. I'm not casting desiccate.

All the water swirls around her and she starts to take a watery form as she grows in size and says, Lisa! Yes! And she turns into a water elemental. Wow! Nice. You are tearing me apart, Lisa. Oh, hi Mark.

And she is going to, yeah, I don't wanna move. I should move a little bit. I don't wanna get pushed again. I'm scared. She's not gonna move. Instead, she's going to command Pepsi to get pushed again. I'm scared. She's not gonna move instead. She's going to command Pepsi to attack Okay, so she's a she's a water lady now and Then Pepsi's gonna go is that okay? Yeah, okay? Just do your turn. Are you looking for a water elemental token?

I know you are Pepsi is going to move up to this air Careful what going on back here? I thought you were gonna smash your glasses By Joe Joe have a good P. Joe's peeing, everyone. Portland Joe! Portland Joe! Pee-pee Joe. I rolled bad for Pepsi's attack. That's going to be a dirty 20. How big are you? Pepsi? How big are you, Water Suki?

Oh, I don't think I changed size. Let me just double check. Okay. I'm pretty sure it's the same. Medium, medium elemental form. Medium, okay. There you are. Battle form.

Pepsi's gonna take a trump. That's a dirty 20. A dirty 20 on this thing is a horrifying miss. Yeah, figured. All right, and Pepsi, oh, Pepsi's gonna attack again. Okay. Cause I commanded him. Just gonna take six actions this turn. Oopsie. Nope, that's another dirty 20 somehow. So, that's a miss.

Another big ol' miss. Eris! Do I think that this elemental is fortitudinous? That's a weird question. I mean, it is made of air. Oh, what the... Um, you don't know. That would be a check of the knowledge variety. A check of the knowledge variety? Would it be like occultism knowledge? You could roll occultism. It might be a higher DC.

What the fuck is that? Is there something wrong, Lisa? No, Lisa, fine! Okay. Lisa happy! To be alive! 27 on occultism. 27, alright, so you want to know about its fourth situation? Yes. It's very fortuitous.

Okay. Well, if that's the case, then I'm gonna... Hmm. Hmm. That's one action and I'm so far away Let's see Shit all my things are fortitude Maybe I'll just like do it and hope you roll bad

Okay, risk it for the biscuit. Oh, you never know. I I've rolled bad a couple times over the past ten years I'm just gonna try it. Okay, what do I roll? Roll a fortitude save, please. Okay, oh, natural three. Oh, whoa! And what is that? Total? 22.

Fail! Oh! What could go wrong? So what happens? Desiccate! Desiccate! Desiccate! Desiccate! I have to roll so many dice I have to use the computer. Is it damage?

74. It's 13 points of void damage. 13 points of void damage? Just sucking the air out of the room. And that's her turn. And she goes, it's fortitudinous guys. She says to her companions, She's sucking the air out of the room. And that's her turn. And she goes, it's fortitudinous, guys.

She says to her companions, Aldo. Aldo, first of all, I have the spotlight for a moment I'd like to shout out. But my friend Steven, who's probably left by now, we've been friends for like 30 years and he's lived together in New York, he's my roommate. We were together in Denver, we worked together, he's great. He just left, I'm sure. Stephen! We'll watch the video later, just know that I said hello. And also of course Samantha

is here, my beloved. And along with her aunt and uncle, Philip and Leanne, they're both here too. All right, those were your three actions. So you shouted out three people. Three shout-outs. Yeah. So I don't, oh, and someone who's not here is my uncle Sinclair, the one who bought me my first copy of the Red Box Dungeons & Dragons basic set. He lives in Portland, but he couldn't make it tonight. I just wanted to say a shout out to him as well. But we got to see him recently. Yeah, we went to a Mets game with them two weeks ago.

And we had a great time. Yeah, it was awesome. So, yeah. Joe, your eyes have gotten a little squinty when you're looking at me. Staggering the amount you're bringing up. Baseball. In a non-baseball show. All right.

I beg to differ. All right, so you said that is this creature immune or resistant to lightning? Is that one of the things you learned, Joe? No. We only learned like poison. Bleed, pu-p-poison. Jesus. Bleed, poison.

Sleep. Sleep. Pared, poison, sleep. Paralysis maybe? Piercing? No. No. Well, he didn't say. We don't know. He specifically left that...

Oh wait. Unsaid. Alright. It's pretty far away, so I am going to take my first action to get closer. Closer. Take my first action to get closer. Closer. And then with my second action I'm going to throw a... Are there any Australians here tonight by the way?

I'm going to throw a greater bottled lightning, it is creature. Okay, now Skid, before you throw that bottle of lightning, one thing I forgot, because I'm blind, that I'm not going to have people reroll for, is this thing is naturally invisible. But because it took a hostile action, it is now hidden to all of you instead of visible. So every targeted attack will have a DC 11 flat check

and you are off guard to it. I wish I knew that. I know I forgot, sorry. All right, so I'll roll the flat check first. Please. Okay, so I failed. Okay. But I also have, I am in possession of the Eye of Fortune, which gives me luck beyond sight. I take

the better of two rolls on the attack roll. Wow! So that is a, let's see, that is a 39 to hit. 39 is a hit. Yeah. A palpable hit. Palpable hit. Big old hit. What kind of thing are you throwing at it?

Greater Bottled Lightning. Bottled Lightning. Oh wow. Yikes. Bottled Lightning. This could be fun. I'm gonna go Bottled Lightning. Just start.

Alright, 32 points of electricity damage. Oh! And it is off guard until my next turn, the ending of my next turn. Against everybody? Against everybody. And then with my third action, I'm just going to throw a moderate Alchemist Fire at it. Okay. Okay.

Made the concealment check. And the attack roll is a 27. That's a miss. But the lightning crackles about its windy body. Ethel. Okay, Ethel will rush up to the creature. Try and kiss it Not yet I'll wait till it's a corpse if you know what I mean Wait, what? Jesus Matthew Matthew what is wrong with you?

Real six sense of humor. You're like too far honestly I'm going to do a double slice Too far, honestly. Um, I'm going to do a double slice. Okay. So I'm gonna roll my two flat checks first? Yes. Slice the wind. DC-11, you said it, yes?

Yes. Windscar! What'd you roll? Skid, what numbers do you see on my dice there? Am I seeing double or are there two tens in that tray? Oh no! Two tens! Am I seeing double or there are two tens in that tray? Oh No Two tens through chance double miss Wow how embarrassing? That is embarrassed. You should have tried to kiss it

Free action any other actions no Move slice slice. It's time for the air beings turn. Let me roll my d4 to see if I can do my breath weapon again. This would be fun if I rolled a 1. I didn't. However! First thing it's gonna do is gust at... No! ...Ethel.

Gust on Ethel! Frightened 1. Oh, I only have two actions sucks No, I'm not I can't wizard yeah Judge your mouth 37 to hit That hits is that does that trigger an attack of opportunity? That hits. Does that trigger an attack of opportunity? To gust you? No. It's like a fist of air. It's just called gust. One action.

You're off guard to it. I don't know if that made it or crit. It doesn't make it or crit. It still hits. Pretty decent damage. 25 points of bludgeoning. Then I'm going to, because I hit with that, with my second and final action, I'm gonna push you 10 feet back. Whoa, cool. Man, slow is brutal though, that's the end of my turn.

Can you take advantage of it? Atticus. I'm just imagining this air being going like, huh! Huh! Push you! Stop, get out of here! Don't push like, huh! Pshh! Push! Stop! Get out of here! Don't push me, bro!

Yeah, what are you pushing me for? I feel like I'm on the ramp at City Field. Okay, I am going to, Atticus is going to, man, I don't think you said anything about this on the recall knowledge. So Atticus is going to reach out for this elemental's mind and assume that it has a mind and could be, could succumb to mental damage. Could be totally wrong, but Atticus is going to do his dark ass shit where you see like around him as he holds his staff, a darkness envelops his head and his features and his eyes become this small glow within a sphere of darkness around him.

And he reaches into the creature's mind and projects within it the creatures worst fear and will attempt a vision of death It will see how it dies which is by the way in about 30 seconds. Yeah, so it sees 30 seconds into the future to Aldo's killing blow What kind of save will save oh Natural three again. Yes It's gonna be a 20 no, I'm no longer frightened 21 21 critical failure Oh my god. Are you fucking kidding me right now? You thought slow was an encounter killer.

Okay, okay. I'm sorry. I got very excited. But I wasn't prepared. Okay. I feel like I saw a comment on YouTube from one of our shows. It's like, there is nothing like Joe O'Brien when one of the spells he casts works exactly the way he wants it to. It's a rare and precious thing. It never happens. It happens once a year.

Okay. Assuming it could succumb to this fear, it sees Aldo killing it in mere seconds. As a direct result of this battle music, it immediately Frightened Four. Wow! I didn't know what it went for! And all it can do is flee for as long as it is frightened. Oh! Elichus Grimm ladies and gentlemen the dark sorcerer

Greatest night of my life. I can't believe I critically failed on Phantasmal Killer. Yeah, you critically failed on Phantasmal Killer. What a dream. Oh, it's such a rare thing. I don't think I've ever seen anyone fail on Phantasmal Killer. No. No, no. Natural three.

Oh, this thing is in really, really bad shape, and it fears for its life Eris, what do you got? Oh, it's my turn wait Was that targeted? No, it doesn't an attack. No, it's a way to save yeah, okay, I Mean my understanding of spells doesn't have an attack roll. No, it's not at all hidden. That's not yeah See am I correct? Yeah Okay

You heard the people a creature you're hidden from is off guard to you And it must succeed at a DC 11 flat check when targeting you with an attack Spell or other effect or it fails to affect you. Joe. Area effects aren't subject to this flat check. Phantasmal killer isn't an area effect. It's a targeted spell. Joe, just roll a DC 11 flat check. Fuck.

I can walk! That is so uncool. Look, it's a miracle! I feel like Grandpa Joe! He stood without the cane! This is incredible! This gold breaker can walk, dude. I've seen a few spiders. All you you got to do is roll a DC element in Flapstack and your favorite spell that you've ever cast won't fail miserably.

Wait, can I do this Portland? Can I actually do this? this? All right, we got to go to a special die for this one. Noah, where are you? Noah, where are you? There he is, front row. Noah gave me this amazing die during the meet and greet. This die apparently in what? Stop talking. I just said we all know how this is gonna go. Yeah, Noah, I'm so sorry. I'm starting it around. You guys jumped in the parking lot later. I'm sorry, Noah. It's the most- It starts tonight.

The saddest thing is when he shouts someone out. It's like a knife to the heart. It's just like, I'm so sorry for you. Sydney, clear off any valuables from the table. I know, I'm like, he has a full beer. I feel like I should take it off Get your fucking hands off my beard I'll put that close to your laptop Noah says and has corroborating witnesses that this die once

rolled natural 20 natural 20 natural 20 18 19 20 in a row six consecutive with your hands not these cheese bread hands Wow honestly, I would think you'd be on my side in this moment We're all rooting for you. No, come on man. I'm on Get a close-up of this Oh Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo He's shaky. His hand is shaky. I'm okay. It's the shaky condition. You succeed on Phantasmal Killer. Yeah!

Eris, can you finish this creature off? Jesus. Okay. Eris moves up. Can you finish this creature off Jesus um okay? Eris moves up. Oh, that's the ruler You shook the stage and now my leg hurts Feel like I tried to walk oh no Eris moves up being cast one of her focus spells Malicious shadow so whatever this thing saw as its death perhaps maybe a hammer bludgeoning it to death? Yeah, it's not gonna like that. This shadow of a hammer appears and tries to bludgeon it. All right, is it an attack roll for you or a save for me?

So it's an attack roll for me. Okay. So, flatten four. So flat check know. This seems like a bad idea. Explode. It's off guard. It misses. It's natural too. I wanna be your shadow. I'm sorry, Joe. Big ol' miss. Takes the win. Wait, that was a flat check? Out of the room way that was a flat check out of the room that was a flat that was a flat very dry roll there Kate That's what she's good at Aldo Aldo, so it is no longer off guard

However, I hope to rectify that situation immediately is I throw a second greater bottle of lightning at it. Wait, did I get skipped? What the fuck? He thinks we're the same person. You're just not on the initiative track. That is true. Do you think Kate and I are the same woman? Well, you sound the same.

Yeah, all we do is nag, nag, nag. I feel like that's the sting from the cheesy bread hands comment. Yeah, he's mad. I deleted you from the initiative tracker when I put in Lisa. Oh, is Lisa going now? Lisa may go now. I have put her in there. Yes. Lisa go! Lisa!

Fuck, why can't Lisa move? Just tell me what you want Lisa to do. Lisa, run! Okay. All the way to Pepsi. Run, 10, 15, 20. Do it the good way. 25.

No, do it, yes, and do it again. You want to move twice? Yep. You want and do it again. You wanna move twice? Yep. You wanna do it again? Like to here? To the, yes, to the creature. Okay. Lisa hit.

You have one action left. Yeah, let me flank. Wait, it's already off guard, who cares? Let me, all right. It's not off guard. Oh. Well, it is, because it's not yours. It is off guard, yeah, okay.

Flat check? Yepek yes, please Lisa strong independent lady Lisa miss Thank you Lisa And Pepsi's gonna bite real quick don't you have to command it? No, Pepsi's a mature boy. Pepsi's independent. Pepsi's a teen. Wow, Pepsi rolled the same as Lisa. That's nothing. It's a 22. So sorry I skipped your turn. Yep, me too. I go back to drinking my Piccoltini. Cheers everybody. You know, you can't just pour vodka in a

glass and throw a pickle in it. Women can do it. They put their mind to it, Troy. Yes, I can. And I did. I'm also drinking a Piccoltini. Cheers. It's just vodka.

And pickles. That is just vodka and a deli pickle. With pickle. Thank you for the ocean vodka. It is delicious. I am drinking it. Thank you. Kawhi, thank you.

Also, real quick quick while we're commenting on Sydney's food and beverages. Sydney's obvious problem. She, yeah. That's for my therapist. Just wanted to make sure everybody knows. Maybe some of the front row can see it, maybe somebody further back can,

definitely the audio audience can't. Sydney is sitting with a clear plastic cup that is filled with a mixture of peanut M&Ms, Sour Patch Kids and beef jerky in the same cup. And next to that is a pint glass of vodka with a pickle in it. Yep. And you wonder why she missed. Oh no! Oh no! Portland's kid. Portland's kid. Portland's kid.

Portland's kid. Portland's kid. Portland's kid. How's that beef going down? God made me perfect, so. God made me perfect, so. God made me perfect, so. God made me perfect, so.

God made me perfect, so. God made me perfect, so. That's hard to argue with. That's hard to argue with. That's hard to argue with. Although, can we return to your turn here? Yes, and I will say for the record that I did succeed on my concealment check. I believe you. But I'm going to re-roll it

because it was my turn. No, you didn't need to do that. I'll allow it. It was my turn. Okay. I made it again. Okay. So stay honest. so we'll go through with my previous plan that we've been thwarted thawing I greater bottle of good good lightning all right so now that we all have everyone's attention that is like that is like 30 to hit is it off guard it no it's not so it is fright but it's frightful and the DC is AC so that's a hit yeah all right excellent Oh A dice over there. It's over give up. All right, that is 29 points of electricity damage

It's the knockouts and the time is God that was awesome Shout out to the one guy that I talked to earlier who knows where that song is from And I appreciate you Thank you God what is this? I mean We just kicked the shit out of you dude That was fucking awesome Yeah you really uh Really gave it what for?

Well, it's funny too, because we've had successive failures in our other shows for so long. Yeah. It's been a long time, I feel like, since we've actually felt confident. We were fucking due. This was... I'm glad you are all wrong. Lisa shoves Ethel 10 feet into the bookcase. She's excited. The creature already did that.

You take 39 points of damage. Lisa blasts Ethel with water. 29 bludgeoning. What's going on? Would my 30 on the recall knowledge, would it give me any indication of the lore of this creature? Like why it might be here or does it seem like it's summoned and forced into some sort of guardianship of this room? Is that like? Well, you know that the Mysterium has these protections

that are sort of built in. The protections have been bastardized by Lau's mere presence, infected as he is with Xiamen Dora. The mirror that was supposed to produce axiomites on the first floor produced hounds of Tyndalos. Those axiomites got shunted down to this floor. So perhaps these aerial servants have been around for centuries as protectors

and they're just very unhappy. Yeah. Atticus will search the room. So he begins looking, you know, through the bookshelves and the books and everything for the, for anything of interest. There's a lot of books in here, as there are throughout the Mysterium. Lisa! Lurking! There's a lot of books in here, as there are throughout the Mysterium. Lisa! Lurking...

Can Lisa use those medicinal tools? Lisa! Lurking... are you going to stay, Lisa? I believe that's a no. Lurking among the tomes in this room, you see a book that seems to have been improperly shelved So it how dare they it kind of stands out to you This is not in the right place What is this it is a a book called which cults of northern Avastan? Hey, give me that. Oh

Yeah, which cults of northern there's a picture of Eris on the cover. Like a Playboy cover. Sitting on a white couch in a white background. The centerfold pops out. She likes long walks on the beach and eating things with her neck. That dating profile gets some action. and eating things with her neck. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha that this could be worth quite a bit to a collector. But beyond that, nothing else of interest in this room. I don't think there's anything else here. We should check the other one. The one to the southeast. I'm here. Alright, Father Bubbles, you were suspiciously absent during that entire encounter.

Yes, I'm holding the body of Eldrith. Oh! Oh my. Oh, carrying Elda Lathine's body is making me sweaty. I just need to air it out for a second. Oh! All right. Let's carry on. Suki's form comes back. It's been a minute. Lisa is gone. Lisa gone. Suki back. Lisa goodbye. Can I have some healing now please?

Yes, I heal you 29. Do you need more than that? Uh... Yes. Okay, I'll do it again. Has anyone seen an angel's head? I'm still looking for a fourth an angel statue? Yes Search perhaps it's in this room 32 more points. Does anybody else need you? Thank you. Are you healing? Yeah Like 20 minutes have passed. Has anybody else in healing? No, okay. No that last encounter was super easy. Yeah Has anybody else seen healing? No, okay. No that last encounter was super easy. Yeah

All right, shall we go through this next door You already know reception where the door is. Yeah, we found it already So you take a second to reorient yourself you stare at this wall And the door appears. Ethel kicks it in. Ethel! Da-boom! Ethel kicks in. I'm a man of action. This beautiful door.

There are more books in here. Oh, I see something in the corner. Oh! There it is. I knew it. Ethel, run for it. Let me read the flavor text. Oh, sorry. is! What? I knew it! Ethel, run for it! Let me read the flavor text! Oh, sorry!

It is completely unnecessary. There are more books, but that's not all. There is also the fourth remaining angel statue. Yes! Wow. Yes! However, although the angel statues on the rest of the level have been intact and whole, the angel statue here is all fucked up.

Oh. There, describe its fucked-up-ed-ness. Well, it's a very odd room. It almost looks like half library, half laboratory. And a l- A library. L-l-libratory. It's a library.

D-D. A library. Looming over the broken angel statues you see four other statues of like clockwork creations I wonder if those come to life Just kind of standing there they get like gears and shit in them. Where are they? Along the walls smash Smash. Magic missile on all of them. Yeah, fuck that. Okay, roll for initiative. around. We surprised them. These seem to be some inert design. This is, I can't show you what

they look like. You can't? Fuck, I can't do anything. Here it is. This is what they look like. Oh shit. The first word that comes to mind isn't clockwork. That looks rather elaborate. The first word that comes to mind isn't clockwork for that. That looks rather elaborate. Huh. Holy shit. Does that have a gem for a head? Don't worry about it. Okay, let me add Suki back to the show. Athol, what'd you get? 24, and here's my free attempt to demoralize. I'm going to try to demoralize. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. The one to the north east

that's the drug that cost me and I surely do not demoralize with a 25. You do not. What did you get? Atticus. 34. 34. What did you get? Eris. 26 but I'd like to use my free attempt to demoralize on the one on the southeast. Southeast, okay. Okay, here we go. This is gonna be good. 27. Hits exactly. Nice! So it's Frightened 1.

You've frightened the Clockwork Being. Very good. Suki? 27. 27. And finally Aldo. 25. 25.

No world bad. It's a fun little combat here. Yeah. I think we're gonna have some fun. Do you think so? Yeah! When you think that, I worry about our safety. The clockwork being along the south wall to the east will go first.

That one is going to reach out its arm and cast a spell. Well, actually, let me see this. With what sort of range? Shut up while I'm talking. Excuse me. No, sorry. It is going to reach out. Just out of range.

And can I fucking target multiple? No, I can't. Piss on my ass. All right, that's fine. I'm gonna reach out and cast a spell on the one against the back so it reaches out

and that one seems to light up a little bit. And then poop. Pippity poppy poo. It is going to can I do that? No. That's fine. It's just gonna move ever so slightly towards in front of the angel statue. And then it is Atticus's turn. Oh shit, too soon. Crap. I don't know. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do Magic Missile, why would I waste it? shit I actually am just like out of range for a bunch of my stuff, but

I won't delay okay Suki Fuck I also delay. Okay. Eris. The fuck, guys? Are you delaying too? Delay to what? I don't-

So that they move into range Yeah, I can't just run. And then we can blow their shit up. Can't run into the room. I mean, yeah, what I wanna do, I mean, how far away is, let's see, 60 feet? Let's see, 65 feet. All right, on this one that I demoralize, I'm not delaying, because I'm not a wimp. Action, Kate.

Action, Kate. The one to the southwest that I demoralized. Yes, it's very frightened of you. Can it please make a fortitude save? Sure, I could do that. Let me just get my d20. It's frightened. I know.

It's frightened. Fortitude save, southwest, and it's right. Natural five. Wow. What is the total? Ah. All right, you said fortitude, that's gonna be a 21. Oh, that.

I don't think that's a critical fail. It's got it. Yeah, come on. My AC is a 30. My. Your AC? What is your?. Yeah, my AC is a 30 my AC What does the class DC is a 30 so 21 spell saved DC is a 30 my class DC is a 30 Which is my spell safe right so sad. What does it say on the spell? What does it say on the spell? Okay, all right, it's not a target must attempt to fortitude save

Okay, all right, it's not a critical. The target must attempt a fortitude save. Just this, this character builder does not list the DC. Wow, I just thought that you had a plus four in your main attribute. I thought it'd be 31. So it's probably a regular fail. It's a regular fail. Yes, how sad.

So this target to the south-east grows two really gross and pus-filled blisters. The clockwork creature grows pus-filled blisters. All right. Okay. And with my final turn, can I do a knowledge check? Sure. Final action? Yeah, I want to know what their weaknesses are. OK, give me a check.

Cultism. You're laughing at me, but you always make fun of me. You know, you're laughing pretty hard for someone who doesn't have their wallet on them right now. Give me a hey. Oh! Hey! She has her wallet. When did you take his wallet? Oh, I don't know. When did I take his wallet? Give me a headache. Hey!

When did you take his wallet? Oh, I don't know. When did I take his wallet? When did you take his wallet? Holy shit! You stole that old man's wallet? You stole that old man's wallet? Who's laughing now? Wait, I-

Kate, are you gonna start doing like close-up magic on stage? You better tell me what that weakness is all about. The amazing Randy over here fucking pick-pocketing people. And I've up your Apple watch I took the wallet into the show to feel an injured man's wallet. Yes, there any cash in there is there You got any money? No cash. No cash Wow, there's an expired license There's an expired license. There is an expired license in there.

I wasn't going to call you out on that. We were going to say it out loud, but both of us were leaving like... But it's expired last month. It's insane, like this grown ass father of children can't get a driver's license. I drove to the airport with... You weren't broken four months ago. I should have gotten the license. I drove to the airport with an expired license and expired registration.

And now that information is on the internet. Don't say that. I brought that into the shower too. 38 occultism. It's a clockwork mage. Here are its immunities. No, it's weaknesses. All right, electricity 10 and

Ready for me to miss pronounce this fucking none of you have it just electricity 10 You don't want to know what I'm gonna do is say it weird Well, say it I'll just do the lullet the translation make Google's Mountain Copper. What? It's called Orocalcum? Orocalcum, yeah. Orocalcum. Mountain Copper. Mountain Copper tin. You're right.

We don't have that. Do you have Orocalcum damage? Is that metal or tin? My god. We're going to get charged $15 by the venue for damage to the plastic table. What about the damage to my cane? That's the end of my turn. I think you're liable for that.

Can I have my wallet? I'm gonna forget that shit. I'm gonna walk around with a passport, like a foreigner. I said to point that thing at me. He has to use his passport to travel with his own country. There was $25. Not to mention, travelers checks. Travelers checks.

You had travelers checks. I have countless travelers checks. Oh my God. I picture you going into your bank with a cane and being like, I'm going to Oregon. I need some traveler's checks. But still, but not going to the DMV to renew your license. Wait, thank God I still have my COVID-19 vaccination record card.

What would I do without this? His wallet is so big and there's nothing of use in there. How dare you? How dare you? Aspired on my birthday. Have you considered the possibility that it was your wallet that gave you the herniated disc? Whose turn is it? I don't know.

I don't know what's herrin'. Oh great. Or a calcum 10. Alright. Mountain Copper. Oh I saw... You just keep yelling Mountain Copper.

You crazy old man. Everything hurts. I've never felt worse in my life. AuraCalcum featured heavily in the Indiana Jones computer game Indiana Jones in the fate of Atlantis fate of Atlantis. Yeah classic point-and-click adventure game Lucas arts

What do you do so elder is excited says that what was wait wait a lot electricity and lightning Oh, call me Ben Franklin, a historical figure that I'm aware of. And he runs into the room. Oh. And he excitedly pulls another greater lightning from his bean de lea. And hurls it in the direction

of the closest clockwork contription? Very well. Uh, that is a 27 to hit. 27 hits! Okay! 27 points of electricity damage. Oh! You mean 17?

17 points of electricity damage. Oh! You mean 17? 17 points of electricity damage. Oh! 17 points of electricity damage. Oh! 17 points of electricity damage. Oh! 27 points of electricity damage. Oh! You mean 17 points of electricity?

Oh wait, I thought it was a weakness. Yeah, I asked you for weaknesses. You said it was a weakness. Oh wait, wait. I'm sorry, you're right. Oh, sorry! I get one thing wrong a year. Alright, so 37 points of damage.

Yes! Yes. What about splash damage? That includes the splash damage. Okay. And then I'm gonna throw a moderate. I'm gonna throw a moderate. Okay. Just do it. That is a that's 28, 28 to hit. Yep.

It is a hit, though, it actually is. You hit it, say C. OK, that is 21 points of electricity damage. So 31 points of electricity damage. Wow, I thought I was gonna fuck you guys up with these guys. And that's it for me. What are you guys talking about over there? How have you wasted your turns? Yes.

Honestly, that's exactly what we're talking about. Constantly bitch about me rolling higher initiative. You finally roll higher initiative, and then you delay. Did it occur to you that this game is situational? Every encounter is different. You put us in a cube and we're spell casters. I don't know what I'm supposed to do It's Apple's turn unless one of you knuckleheads wants to go. Yeah, I'll go. No stop Don't let him fool you. You're peaceful being you. No girl. He's getting in your head. He's playing on your fragile woman's mind. What do you want? Go piss! He's bullying you! No girl, go piss girl! He's playing on your fragile woman's mind!

What are you, a prey? Hold me back! Hold me back! Hold me back! Let me in there! Steal his wallet Sydney! He's not worth it! Give me your wallet! No, don't renew my license for me!

I can't! Give me your wallet and the keys to your car and I'll drive to D&D. I... I... I... I... Alright.

Suki sees Ethel rear in a go and she goes, Wait! And she will cast Haste on Ethel. That is very good. Oh, nice. That is a very good use of your... Go to one. Nice. And she will, cast Haste on Ethel and then she'll command Pepsi.

Haste on Ethel command Pepsi? What does Pepsi do? Pepsi thinks about his life and the choices that he's made. And he is going to double... are they up on the wall? Or the clockwork people, sorry. Are they up on the wall or are they like? No, no, they're standing. Okay, so Pepsi's gonna double move in and then take an attack on the one in the most north.

Okay, the one that Aldo just blasted. Yeah, Pepsi's gonna try to. Does Pepsi do orichalcum damage? Let me look. Does it have or a calcum fangs now really helpful in this moment. Oh Thank you skid. I was like who is this stage here? telling me telling us that this You're on a fire You're on it. Oh

well You're all in fun. Oh, whoa. It sounds so funny off mic. I don't know if it'll get picked up. Alright, off guard. 35. 35 to hit? Yeah. Holy shit. That's a hit. Hell yeah. Wait a minute, Pepsi didn't have to double move to there? Pepsi double moved and then used the command as his third action to attack.

So, two actions, third action. Moved once, moved actions, third action. Moved once, moved again, third action is attacking. It gets two actions. Suki commanded Pepsi on her turn, so he gets a third action. Two actions. If she doesn't command him, he gets one action.

Right? No. It's independent. Oh no. Oh no. No, no, no. Pepsi, is that true? Everyone's holding up peace signs. All right, who's right? By round of applause, Joe? Sydney? Who's just cheering for what they want and not the truth?

I don't know what to believe. I guess I for some reason thought that Pepsi got three if she commanded. One of you ever done three actions with Pepsi? Does Pepsi have an independent feat? Because my independent trait, it gets one action if I don't command. He gets one action without command. It's a snake, it doesn't have any feat. one action if I don't command. He gets one action without command. It's a snake, it doesn't have any feet.

And when you... Oh! It's the knockout, all the blood spitting in his hands. The hard work we've been putting in for years. The knockout, and the time it... Skid, you must live in such exquisite horror with that mind, like the things you can think of. I can't...

So you can't double move and attack. I didn't! When you command it, it gains another action, which means it would get two. So everyone stop talking. I'm sorry, like, I'm sorry. But come on! When once ever have you ever done three actions with Pepsi? I don't know, I just thought that Pepsi was as strong as the person to move on

How do you was a strong independent snake? Yeah? All right Pepsi double moves and is there now, okay? Thank you Apple Can I actually can I actually go yes? Okay, wow Can I actually go? Yes. Okay. Wow. He's still having gone. Ethel has hasted. Sadly, his movement speed is 20 feet and he is 45 feet from the enemy. What a shame.

So, Ethel is going to move, first action move, full move once. And then I will sudden charge for two actions, which I can move up to double my speed to get in melee with this guy. I will make a strike with the war hammer. That is a 40 to hit. That's a critical hit. That's going to be double damage. Yeah.

Wait, does the aura calcum damage double you'd want to say or a calc this is the best damage roll one of the best damage rolls I've ever seen it's one of the best ones I've certainly done in the past several months okay it's a big math look at Francisco Lindor over there it must be nice grand slam this grand slams every time okay wait I lost count oh no oh no 60 points of bludgeoning and oh and and four points of cold holy shit what is going on with you? Yeah, we are on fire. We're like the New York Mets right now, please Please roll for to shoot save What is going? Oh? Yeah, you could be oh my god natural for

Get on the ground bitch I'm fired up. I'm sorry That's too far all right. That's gonna be a 21. I think that You're all prone. They were like Joe said bitch too many things They're like we're out he yelled get on the ground bitch, and they I can't do this anymore Okay, and with my final hasted action and they can't do this anymore. Okay, and with my final hasted action. I have to stand up.

Don't awe him, he's fine. He's actually quite hurt. He's not fine, you just suck. I'm just trying to leak pee down my pant leg. You can just go pee, man. Okay, that is a 37 to hit on my second attack. With the map? With the map.

Didn't you double move? Wait. No, I hasted. Yeah, he's hasted. Sudden charge, two actions, fourth action, second attack. A 37 is another crit. Yes! Critical crit, critical threat, critical threat

This is like a video game, you like knock it prone and then smash it again That's 44 points of bludgeoning Oh my god And 12 points of cold Crowd cheers It's dead Yeah! You're goddamn right it is!

Ethel the Executioner! So Ethel just charges into the room and just starts hammering on this thing. With a giant war hammer. BAM! BAM! BAM! Beaming in the metal of its constructed body. Holy shit. Do you want to go? No.

Okay. Wait, correct me if I'm wrong, but only one of all the creatures have gone. Yes. It would have been that one's turn, but now it's at the great clock in the sky. This one here, the one that had a spell cast on it, is in fact, Haste It.

Yeah. Oh, what? And it is going to, Haste It. Yeah. Oh, what? And it is going to cast a couple of spells. First, let's start with a spells. It's not gonna cast a couple of spells. Unless you have a one action spell. Shut up. Yeah, it's not casting two two-

I will do what I want! My grandparents put, to discipline their poodle, put some pennies in an old soda can. Shake it up! They would shake it, but it very quickly got to the point that they just had to threaten to get the can. That's why I feel like the K's would come. Yeah, that's the... I'm gonna get the cam. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

All right, everybody shut up. What cool spells are you gonna cast? It's a spell that used to be called Black Tentacles. Oh shit. Now it's called Slyther. Ew. Boom, right on Eris. Suki.

Father Dick. Atticus. And Aldo. 20 foot burst. That's me. Snakes, a massive snakes made of shadow, rise up to capture all the creatures in the area. Everyone that I just named named please roll a reflex save whole boy, oh boy, oh shit, oh

Boy What my DC is there it is Okay Shit alright, so I'm not as familiar with the results of this spell. Just not. And I didn't do the John, the recall knowledge. No, you delayed. Okay. I kept delaying. I kept delaying. I know. And now it's a mistake. I didn't think that ever raged. Black tentacles. All right. I'm going to ‑‑ heart pass. Something tells me by the rules I will have to do that. I am going to ‑‑ Atticus reacts as it casts this thing and he's going to reach out toward it and as these tentacles, flithering things begin to burst from the ground, he is going to try to

darken them and pull them into a plane of shadow. So he's going to use shadow siphon to reduce the effect of the spell on us. Now I don't know if the spell's primary effect is like grabbing us, which would really, you know, that's effect is like grabbing us which would really you know That's not gonna help but it will reduce damage if I'm successful here So it's a reaction I cast it and I do a counteract check Against the DC of the spell or whatever class DC of the creature. Okay, so here we go. Roll the check. Let's see what happens brutal no 24 fail is

It a rank 5 or lower spell? Yes. Is it rank 5? Yes. Then it fails. Fuck. Damn it! It was exactly rank 5. Is it going to deal physical or energy damage? It might. Okay. Damn it. Well, if it does, I have a reaction. All right, let's go for you then. What did you roll for your reflex save? 32. That is a success. You are unaffected. Aldo, what did you roll?

Aldo rolled a 35. Success unaffected. Suki, what did you roll? I also rolled a 35. What a dumb spell, Amy. We won't need this. What about, is your snake, Father Bubbles? I rolled a 35.

I rolled a 35. I rolled a 35. I rolled a 35. I rolled a 35 I also rolled a 35. Oh. What a dumb spell, Angie. We won't need this. We won't need this. What about, is your snake or something, Father Bubbles, fail. Oh. Actually, Father Bubbles passed. Roll a natural 20. Wow. Bubbles.

I don't think he would have passed on a 19. What did you roll? Oh my man, I'm sorry I forgot your name. Who gave me the die from literally 1982? Where are you? Where are you? Ah, there he is! Thanks pal. Natty 16 for a 36. Hell yeah! What spell? Dude, my two gifted die tonight that I rolled, both Natty 16s.

So you're all unaffected. Wow! Now keep in mind, you would know this, you're all high level creatures. If you end your turn in that mash, you're gonna have to re-roll saves and shit. It doesn't matter, it seems like you're stomping on this encounter! That creature will then move, cause it is hasted. Fuck my... Fuck.

Hahaha! It's going to, uh... It's gonna move, you know what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna move up to Pepsi and hit Pepsi with my fist. Wait, wait, wait. That was a one action, John? Oh, you're hasted. Fuck. Hasted. 29 to hit Pepsi that just It's that's right Kill this snake if I can't kill you

Take it out on your snake. Oh 19 points of bludgeoning damage The next one will go. Oh no, now I will go. Oh how convenient. Oh how convenient. Alright go ahead. Atticus.

Yep. Yep. Gonna have to move out of that slither. Is it all like difficult terrain and shit? No, it's just annoying So he is going to move straight down into the room his max speed and that should be good enough for Kaka What a dude shit

It's a little lightning bolt, bitch! That's like your fifth bitch. I love this city! Hold on, hold on, real quick. I'm going to double check. Now I'm going to go with my prepared, heightened lightning bolt. Yes. So he's not using the staff on this one. He just reaches out and line attack. First one rolls, oh my God. I'm natural five. Wow. It's got really good reflexes, but that's going to be a 24, madam, calm down. 24 and then a nat 20 on the staff. Ah, shit. Damn. I'm going to be a 24, madam, calm down, 24 and then a nat 20. Damn it. So. I'll get back to you in 15 minutes. 24 is a regular fail, I'm assuming, right? Yeah, regular fail, unfortunately. So give me half damage and the other one will take zero damage. Yeah. Damn it. Alright so the first one that failed takes 31 points of damage. And it's electricity. And it's a prox, it's weakness. I just said it's electricity so

it's 41 points of damage. Yeah 41 points of damage. Damn it. Does that do any or a calcum damage? No. No? No. Because that would have double ticked. God, natural 20, shit. Yep. Eat it. A dick, that is. Oh! Oh, now I see. Alright, the one that just nat 20'd is gonna go. I had a plan, but it's all out the window now. I'm going to step forward. I can't step through fucking Pepsi.

What a shitty... You step through fucking Pepsi. What a shitty. You can go around Pepsi. Yeah, does Pepsi have an attack of opportunity? No. No, Pepsi's useless, Troy. No. All right, so it's gonna move 25 feet.

Don't say that. Don't say that. And then I'm gonna cast a 60 foot cone. Shut your mouth when you're talking to Steve what? Of howling blizzard Only blizzard all right, and that will affect you're not everyone. Oh, no. You're not getting me You're not yeah look there. You are right there. You're not getting soot. We're not getting you Sookie she's behind a wall. Sookie's behind a wall. You're good. I only pushed it 35 feet, but

That is gonna be Aldo, Atticus, and Eris. Jesus. Against Howling Blizzard. You might remember it as Cone of Cold. Yeah. Give me a reflex save. Son of a bitch, man. Going into the well here.

This is a lot of damage. Oh, shit. I got a lot of math. Shit. I got a beautiful handmade die from Jackson. Where's Jackson? Axe of Jackson! Yeah, there he is! This better work. He literally told all of us, like,

it's not gonna roll well. Don't roll them. He did say that. Roll it. Roll it! This could be a natural one, I just realized. Roll it! Roll it!

Roll it! Action Jackson! Jesus Christ. Oh my God. Sorry, Miss Jackson. Joe's luck is real. What'd you roll? Dummy.

Jackson literally highlighted the worst number. Shut up, Jackson, you piece of shit. For my die specifically, he highlighted the natural one and the natural five. And I rolled the natural fucking five. What's the total, bitch? 25. 25, that's a fail. Yeah, but not critical.

Not critical. Eris? I can't believe I rolled the natural five. 30. Success, half damage. And Aldo? 29. Success, half damage.

So, you guys will take 20 points of damage and you'll take 40 points. Ah! It's so cold. Cold damage. It's just all coming to an end. Top of round two. You're as cold as ice.

Boom. Top of round two. These guys got some spells. I still got Top of round two. These guys got some spells. I still got one of them there. What to do? Ooh. Ooh, that sounds fun. Stinking cloud.

Oh. Dude, that never ever makes anyone happy. GM or players. Yeah. Yeah. It honestly just ruins the game section. I'm not gonna do it. You're in no shape to cast Sticking Clouds, right? I don't like it. I don't like it.

I'm thinking about... You know what he's gonna do is... You just peed! Wait, I had to pee! Come on, I was gonna wait till all the clockwork guys went and I was gonna go... God! Come on, I was gonna wait till all the clockwork guys went and I was gonna go boom. God. I'm not gonna do anything till he comes back.

Surprise to all. Alright, so this one casts Haste the first round. So now it is going to cast a spell on itself and it starts to like flicker in and out of space and then it teleports 10 feet forward. Oh. And now it is Eris's turn. Oh god um okay wait what happened? Someone moved? Somebody moved? I want to get out of this like area of effect spell for sure. Yeah as long as you don't finish your turn there you're good to go. Um and you know what we've been fighting for a while and I am low on spells. So. Wanna punch him? Wanna punch him? Little witch punch? I don't know if that'll work.

Does egg have any spells stored up? Egg can do spells for me, but nothing saved. But like, Egg is no Pepsi. Pepsi's the strongest party member. Egg can't wear armor. So, Eris is gonna move, how fast can I move? 25 feet. Sounds about right. Maybe 30. 25 feet.

Let's go, yeah, right in Yaw. Yeah. She's gonna move right in Yaw. She's gonna, yeah, right in here. Okay. She's going to slide out of the snake's tentacles. And then I'm going to cast a spell on the one kind of directly in front of me that I'm facing. Because I just cast teleport. The one that just flickered in and out of existence, then teleported forward. Oh, flick forward. Oh yeah what could go wrong? Can you roll a fortitude save? I sure can. It's part of my job. Oh my god. 24. Fail. Okay so what she casted was worms reposts. So these like gnawing worms materialize within the flesh of this

thing, and it deals 4d6 piercing damage and 1d6 persistent piercing damage. All right, give me the 4d6 damage and I will... 18, please. 18? Okay. And on the failure, you take the full initial damage and the persistent damage and you're flat footed due to the pain For as long as you take persistent damage Wow off guard and I'm taking 1d6 persistent piercing

Yeah, you do Very good La la la la la it is going to be Aldo's turn Aldo is going to clear out of the way of the slither effect. Okay. Two movies off the top of my head named Slither. One, James Gunn's early, one of James Gunn's early work, and another one that I saw in syndication on Channel 2, KWGN in Denver going up about blood-sucking worms that infected a town of

Georgia, I think, scared the fucking shit out of me as a kid. The commercials scared the shit out of me. So out of revenge, I'm going to throw a greater, my second-to-last greater lightning bottle. Wait, didn't we learn something about lightning with them? Yeah, we did. Oh good. Go back to your pickle vodka. Thank you Sydney. Oh no. Oh no. Sydney is listening to what just happened. Sydney has ADHD. I knew I heard lightning. It's like it was on the peripheral like I was like lightning lightning This is gonna be important lightning lightning. Oh should I have a peanut M&M or beef jerky? It's all just like twisted all which one are you attacking?

I'm going to attack the one the closest to me. Okay, and what's your roll? Natural Swatty. OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Oh shit! That's gonna be a fan critical! Wait, I forget. I always forget. Are these ranged or magic? I always forget. I think they're ranged, right? Stop it. Find something from Portland, Oregon. From Portland, Maine. Here we go! Alright. Oh geez, we're going a little far away here.

Natasha from Auburn, Washington writes in with Impossible Shot! Your prowess under pressure is so great, God themself couldn't stop your shot. Oh! This is great! themselves couldn't stop your shot oh great double damage and plus two circumstance bonus to your next attack oh very simple very clean love it there you go thank you Natasha thanks Natasha I can't believe we didn't have a ranged crit in Portland. 60 points of damage.

60? 60 points of electricity damage. Right, say the number. 6-0. It's dead. Yeah! Yeah! I can't believe you are stomping this encounter.

Oh, I can't either. I feared for you. I no longer fear for you. And now you get a plus two should you decide to use another action to attack. And I am going to use that against the one on the southeast, the southeastern one for me. Okay, okay. I'm going to throw a moderate lightning bomb at them that is a 29 29 is a hit yeah oh my god it's just it's so much different than gatewalkers. Yeah, I know, right?

It's like being level 11 makes a difference. No, that can't be it. No. How much damage? 20, sorry, 19 points of electricity damage. Electricity, so 29 points of electricity damage. Damn. And that's it for me.

That's a pretty damn good round. Suki! Alright, Suki is going to run into the room. Oops, can't walk through that wall. Alright, now... Double move? Nope. I make it in 30 feet. Suki is then going to cast... What? Her speed is there? Why are you looking over my fucking shoulder? Oh because you... She has a weird... Oh I have a privacy... Oh the

privacy. Yeah. I have like a... You can't see my privacy screen. That drives me crazy too because I sit next to her for Game Walkers and I want to look at her screen and I can't do it. I sit there and I just kind of want to root around in her shit. I just want to look over and every time I'm like, Jesus, her computer isn't even on. We're doing a live show. This is just black. It's a black screen. She's just making this all up. It's just black. Like it's a black screen. Just making this all up. It's so I can watch porn. I love it. I like lean over and it starts coming to focus and it's just porn. Jesus Christ. Whoa, that is not what I thought you would be into. All right. All right.

You move? Yeah, Suki moves out of the space of the slither and she is going to cast Searing Light. Oh. Nice. She's going to say, don't you fucking touch my snake. And she casts Searing Light on the one. So it's that kind of porn. Yeah.

Matthew! You open the door, my friend. Get your head out of the gutter. All right, she is gonna cast that on the one that attacked Pepsi. All right, do I roll a save or are you rolling a hit? I don't remember, it's a ranged spell attack. I rolled a hit.

You had 45 minutes before your turn. Fuck! Don't stop cursing like that. There's kids in the audience. There's a lovely person who's here for their 17th birthday. Joe you said bitch three times so far. Five! He said it five times. I counted three. Sorry. Do as I say not as I do. Sorry, I talked about porn. All right, 26. Happy birthday.

To hit. 26 to hit is a miss. Fuck, that's no fun for me. Wait, is it flap? No, no, it's not. No, it's not, it's nothing. All right, so that's Suki then. That was her three actions.

Pepsi is going to attack once. Okay. Tits on my butt. That's... Oh, interesting. Sorry, I opened the wrong tab. All right. Let me X that out.

That's a 24. Oh, that's tits on a butt. Are you on... Are you on titsonmybutt.com? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The crazy thing is I'm sure that website exists.

I love Portland because I can make jokes like that here. I feel like other cities, it wouldn't go over well. Not in Portland. Yo, this crowd is great. They get it. They get it. They get it. I think we finally got a new sponsor. Tits on my butt.com. Hits on my butt dot com.

Hits on my butt dot com. If you like Hits on butts, try our 30 day free trial. 30 day free trial. For all your titted butt needs. Comment on our message boards. If you're running for North Carolina Governor. For people watching this in the future, just Google the 2024 election.

Ethel, you're up. You're standing next to a dead clockwork mage. There are two other ones that have both been hit. They're weak to lightning and or a calcum. Ethel is going to double move, double slice. He whips out his Orocalcum axe. Buries it in the head of this mage. The big one is the hammer.

That's a cracked eye. Ah! Ah! Okay. The first one is a 29 to hit and the war and the hatchet is a 39 to hit. Hit and a crit. Yeah! Buh-buh-buh-buh! Critical crit! Critical crit! That's 17 points of bludgeoning and three points of cold

17 points of bludgeoning and three points of cold Let me gather some d6. Oh, then your crit Oh Oh shit, okay double that sweet damage 38 points of slashing down 38 points of slashing death. Jesus. Okay, still up. That's my chair.

Double move, double slice. Double move, double slice. Twice is nice. It is the one next to Pepsi's turn. This is the one that's hasted. Yeah, thank you. It is not Pepsi's turn, sir. It's Clockwork Mage's turn.

All right, so this one, I think, is the one that's going to be the last one. It is not Pepsi's turn sir This clockwork mages turn All right, so this one Think I'm gonna do another howling blizzard. Oh Because I was afraid of that more of you So yeah, Suki Aldo Eris Atticus. Give me a reflex save Cold air comes out of his chest hole. Jackson you're out. You're out.

Sorry Mr. Jackson. Jackson I'm going to use this die you gave me which you specifically told me not to roll. This could be bad for Earth over here. I don't know why you would think that. What did you get? Suki. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.

Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. She's doing meh. Sorry, what was it? Reflex? Yes. Ooh.

Yes. What were the sounds? Was she looking at him? Oh, I know what it was. You were covering up that you can't do meh. Yes. 33. Okay, success. Half damage. Noah do math. Yes. 33.

Okay, success. Half damage. Noah's brother. Thanks, Jackson. What's your name again? Can you just read the result of your die? Caleb! Caleb gave me a tiny die like Sydney has. So that I can't read it.

And this is going to be... Alright, ah. Caleb, don't fuck this up. Come on! Come on, babe! Caleb don't fuck this up. Come on. Come on What's the total 20 natural 3 23 this trash

I have to ask when you guys give Joe dice, is it just for the thrill of watching him fail? Okay. What? No dude, Noah was like, this is the greatest die that's ever existed, I'm gifting it to you and I rolled a natty 16 on the most important flat check of my life. Manifestation. Eris, what did you roll? Do I have any bottle caps?

No. Let me answer that without bottle caps? No. No? Let me answer that without any research. No. Yeah. No. You're in Troy's game. You're in my world. All right, well, if that's the case, I've got one.

Do you know how many bottle caps Sydney has in Legacy of the Ancients? Six. Well, no, because you just spent one. I just spent them. I've got four now. I get to four. You know why?

Because Skidids a big Well, no skid is a great she does have the most out of everyone, but you have like four yeah Well, it is a great GM. We're all very talented on that. Yeah, well, I like you roll any bottle caps Well, you were only you didn't roll any dice. Hey Will you just tell me what you're rolling? Why does it take so long? I got this guy's dice. Hey, hey! Will you just tell me what you rolled on your reflexes? Oh, right. Why does this take so long? I got this guy from C,

and, and, and, and, and, she can't count, you interrupted her, why'd you get on the side? We're going long! It really has become like, my dad is running the game. He-Fortland Troy! Fortland Troy! Fortland Troy!

Troy! Fortland Troy! So for the audio audience, Skid is kindly trying to reconstruct his GM screen while Troy is menacingly waving his cane at Skid. This is all part of my plan to delay the inevitable of saying that I got a 22. Fail! Aldo, I got a natural one. Oh surely! If you don't cut a cold, that'll put you down. Surely I've earned a bottle cap for fixing your GM screen. No wonder he hopped to help you.

It fell right over and I leapt into action. I could help but notice that I rebuilt your GM screen. I don't know if you noticed, but... Aldo takes 84 points of cold damage. Oh, god. Everyone else takes 42 points of cold damage. Oh, boy. Because none of you saved, right?

That's a lot of damage. Wait, there was one success. I'm almost down. Did you succeed? Yeah. All right, so you take 21 points of cold damage. With a 33? Yeah, it's a success half damage. Damn, 21. 42 for Eris, 42 for Atticus, 84 for Aldo, 21 for Suki.

Is Pepsi okay? Pepsi's okay. Pepsi's okay. It is now, I wanted a Coke! It is now Atticus's turn. That's you! Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, Atticus is Jesus. Atticus is in bad shape. Atticus is Jesus? Atticus is Jesus? Very conceited. What just happened? What are you gonna do? Uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh...uh... going to move. You can see the one next to Ethel. So he's got his staff. All right. We'll keep playing pretend. And he, and his face is like, his fur is crusted over with cold and he's breaking, his skin is cracking open, bleeding, and he is very, very low. He'll go down in the next hit. But he is going to step up into range of both of these creatures and fire off an electric arc on both of them.

Oh, great, great choice. Huge! Yeah, just a cantrip, but to proc two different weaknesses, hopefully no natural 20s. So reflex save my friend. Okay, reflex save for both of them. The one to the south next to Ethel rolls a 35. Okay. The one to the north rolls a natural one. Oh!

That was the one that just did howling blast yep oh my god dude I rolled great damage too all right so the one that rolled a 35 takes 23 points of electricity down 35 yeah I'm sorry no no I'm sorry that's a success so half that but so 11 points plus the proc of the weakness Because of the weakness that one's yeah And the natural one takes 46 points of electricity 46 yes plus 10 still kick it Wow Wow That's Atticus's turn move and, and two actions to cast Electrocarap.

Wow. Man. That was great. That was awesome. I love the weaknesses. Yeah, yeah. You love the trigger and the weakness. Yeah.

All right, so there's one more Clockwork Mage. We go to the top of round three. It is Eris's turn. Eris, how many hit points do you have? Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I was right. You're good, sorry. Eris. It's none of your business how many hit points I have, and it's not relevant. It's not for me, it's for them. No, they wanna know. It's none of your business how many hit points I have.

You heard her? That is a real dry comment. It's what they call me. Comment is, comment is average. Desiccate, desiccate, desiccate, desiccate. Void Warp, Fortitude save, please. Fuck off. He said natural 20 for the Audubon.

Natural 20. Natural 20. All right. I'm pretty sure that means you take no damage. Cha-pow-pow. Cool. I'm pretty sure that means you take like no damage. Cha-pow-pow. Um, cool. So... She casts shield on herself because she's running low on hit points. Wah!

Dude. We gotta kill this thing before it goes again, because Atticus is gonna go down, dude! Aldo. Aldo. Alright, so my last Greater Lightning. Nice. Ah, I'm gonna-

Nice, mate! So, which- So there's two left one left one left all right he's ten feet away from you uh-oh 20 lit you guys up 27 final answer yeah wait uh put, you already used the plus two, right? You did a second attack on that crit. Yeah. 27 to hit. AC. 27.

Oh, the last flask! Kill it. Oh, he's so fucking dead. 31 points of damage. Electricity damage. Dead. Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yes! I'm shaking like a beast! So that's killing me here! So phenomenal. The four clockwork mages... To both lights. ...fizzle out

Spark and collapse And you are left in this room with the final angel statue that you need to move on But it's all messed up. It's a lot fucked up, too I'm hurt. I'm real breeze away from keeling over a teacher forever and a how to kiss just like frozen. Yes That feels great We're all super messed up let's turn the statue Ethel the hired mercenary didn't take a single hit That was your only job! Does anyone, would anyone like to benefit from my healing?

What, what is that? He can treat wounds. He's an excellent field surgeon. Searching. When I get that feeling, I'm on a special feeling. I'm on a special feeling. Let me try. Oh. Let me see what you got. Suki looks at Eris like, We're doing this again?

You're going back in for seconds. Really? Shut up. No, do your thing, I support you. It would be so funny, like, watching them flirt while you're dying. Atticus. Atticus is like, could I please have some... I'm watching this.

Here you go. I'll be extra... Okay. Um... Okay, here we go. I heal you for... This is so sexy. For... One point of damage.

One point of damage? One hit point. I heal one hit point. I heal you one hit point. For just me and not Egg? I can now work on Egg. I heal one, heal you one hit point. For just me and not Egg? I can now work on Egg. Oh for god's sake. It's just an hourly-

What's the plan? What's the plan? The plan is, I'll tell you, I'm gonna- Go ahead. We heal up before we mess with the reaction. Yes, Susie throws on her healers gloves, she's doing her shit. We spend two hours, three hours in here healing. Six weeks.

Six weeks. It's six weeks. It would only take a couple hours. We grow closer as companions and sexual partners. That's right. In two hours? I mean, that goes without saying. Oh yeah, I just love it, like it kind of fades to black.

And then when it fades black up It's just an orgy like this All five cats are tasteful orgies. We're all wrapped up in Pepsi Now I know what the Philly poster is gonna be Angelene Can we examine the angel stature? Everyone is healed. I'll fucking roll later.

You guys think you have enough to get everybody back to treat wounds. It just takes time. So it's just a matter of time. I have continual healing. It's fine. And I have enough hit points that even if she critically failed, I wouldn't go to dying. So I think we're good.

Fair enough. I don't really care about all that. But the point is, you're not going to rest. You're going to take this time to just heal up and move on. Oh, I'm going to take this time to heal up and move on. I'm going to take this time to heal up and move on. I'm going to take this time to heal up and move on. I really care about all that but the point is you're not gonna rest you're gonna take this time to just heal up and move Oh No, then we rest Are we also resting eight hours? Oh, yeah, please please are we are we actually doing that?

I would not be going to but why not? If he's off I have like almost no spells. Are you serious? Yeah, you still have them. All right. I close the door. We rest. Okay.

You rest. We rest. You get your hit points, you get your spells, you get your powers, your focus bullshit. Fuck yeah. And we level up. Yes! Holy shit dude!

Wow! No. Stop it! Damn it! Damn it. Ha ha ha! Something damaged this angel statue. You try to turn the head, the head itself doesn't turn.

Somebody give me a thievery check. I'll do it! I've got you. As you're examining it, see that like it's been broken and like clockwork has been jammed inside of it. Thank you once again Noah because that is a 30 on the thievery check. Something is jammed inside of it Atticus you reach your hand in you pull out these chunks of clockwork that are blocking the angel statue, and while the head can no longer turn, you're able to manipulate a valve within

it to simulate the turning of the head. Is it with us? Is it in the arms of the angel Far away from Steve Sorry, got lost in the moment. You turn the last one and you hear a k-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h coming from the center of this floor. The center of the floor has the third angelic gate. If you remember, that metal circle depicts angels, but there's nothing beatific about them. Their eyes are filled with lust, and long snaking tongues reach out,

lolling on their cheeks. Right, say again? Lolling on their cheeks. Lolling. Lolling. Lolling. Lolling. Lolling. Lolling. Loll. Let's check it out. Check it out. Wait, what? Oh. Let's all go. You know that every angel gate so far you need to reach your hand within the mouth of these statues to trigger some sort of mechanism Who does that? I volunteer Let's go

Okay Uh, quick perception Okay For anything you know potentially trapped there Uh, Jesus Noah, Nati 17, holy shit this guy It's legit When first you 35 35 When first you saw these statues their mouths

were all closed. With the turning of that fourth statue their mouths have all opened revealing jagged teeth inside. Atticus, your little rat hands can slip through these pointy teeth. I am through these pointy teeth. I am, I'm offended, but I'm also appreciative. Quiet, bitch. Oh! You reach in, you feel a metal tongue sliding your hand past these sharp metal teeth.

Interesting. You pull the tongue, causing the valve to slide to the side, revealing a shaft. I've seen this before. Shaft looks to be about 30 feet deep. Its walls are carved with statues of angels. I've never seen that before. Wearing fixed expressionless masks. Ooh, that's creepy.

Looks like you could possibly like, climb down these statues. I don't like that. To get below. Hate that. There is no staircase or ladder, you just have to manipulate your way down Great. Okay perfect. I

Can send egg again or we can send Ethel? You can send Ethelel. Wait. What? Alright, I'll go. You go. Ethel begins climbing down these angel statues. You're grabbing a wing, an arm, a hand, a face. As you descend down the wings and backs of these angels carved into the walls within the third angelic gate, you seem to arrive at the core of the Mysterium. Oh shit. Ooh. You look up and you no longer see your allies because although the room you descend into

is carved from the bedrock, just like every other chamber you've seen thus far, since you descended to at least a second level, it somehow feels otherworldly and distant from reality, making it hard for you to imagine that there is a teeming cosmopolitan city carrying on daily life as normal, far up above. The curious chamber you step into is a little over 30 feet to a side. Instead of normal walls though, there are hundreds of statues of angelic beings, many

bearing spears and other weapons, and others wearing two colored masks, making up all four sides of this room. The uneven floor itself is made of carved angel faces. And at the heart of the room is a single object supported by a quartet of stone hands. It is a peculiar slightly rusted iron cube about a foot square. The rest of you who remain above, look down, and Ethel is gone. And we'll see you in LA. That's what we do! Thank you, Portland!

We love you, Portland! We love you, guys! Thank you, guys! Love you guys! You guys were amazing! Good night! Thanks for watching!