The Glass Cannon Podcast - Strange Aeons Episode 98 – Soul Custodian

Episode Date: November 23, 2024

An ancient puzzle box may be all that lies between the heroes and the Mysterium's Soul. Watch the video here: https://youtu.be/_JdcoHQ_q3M Join Troy Lavallee, Joe O'Brien, Skid Maher, Matthew Capodicasa, Sydney Amanuel, and Kate Stamas as they tour the country playing the Lovecraftian Horror Strange Aeons Pathfinder Adventure Path. Access exclusive podcasts, ad-free episodes, and livestreams with a 30-day free trial with code "GCN30" at jointhenaish.com. For more podcasts and livestreams, visit glasscannonnetwork.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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You are listening to the Glass Cannon Network, the premier source for role-playing game entertainment. L.A. people! L.A. show! L.A. show! L.A. show! L.A. show! Oh Love you guys Wow am I hungover or is that very loud? Can you believe that we started here in LA with show number one in 2018 and have now returned for show number 98 tonight? Anybody in this crowd at the bootleg in 2018? Oh,

look at this. Amazing. Join the same character you played that night is here. Right now. How does that feel? Thanks for bringing that up. That is a true statement. A true statement. That's a true statement. Any first timers here tonight? Nice. Any single ladies? Yeah. I'm looking at you.

Put your hand down, Sharkey. What the hell? You're going to remain single. This is not a good place to meet hot dudes. No, I'm just kidding. They're all packing heat. Not a good place to meet hot dudes. Nah, I'm just kidding. They're all packing heat.

It is a annual tradition of ours to come back to LA even though these shows shall sell like shit because LA people are at the bottom rung of humanity. Wow. Except for you guys. You're cool. I love you guys. You guys are all right. Be sure to buy some merch on your way out. You guys are all right. But everybody else sucks! I feel like I need to come back here every year just to remind you, you can leave this dump anytime you want. It's important, consider this my annual reminder that you can leave this place anytime you want.

It's like a hostage situation, just blink twice if someone told you that you need to be here for your career. There's one reason and one reason only to come to LA and that's to break into the entertainment industry. But now you don't have to do that. You can just show your nuts on TikTok, dance into a Taylor Swift song, and get a seven picture deal.

Living in the middle of Missouri. You don't have to be here. What do you like? Wake it up on Christmas morning to 89 degrees, not a cloud in the sky and no snow? Gross. They like that? Gross.

Gross, you know what that means? It means you hate your kids. They'll never have a white Christmas. They'll never have a white Christmas because you care so much about yourself. You're gonna spend decades trying to get a walk-on role on The Equalizer starring Queen Latifah. Meanwhile, your kids will never see snow. I'm not a Latifah. Meanwhile, your kids will never see snow. Thanks for coming out tonight. Can we take it back? So I have to go on TikTok, show my nuts. Play Taylor Swift.

Step one, TikTok. Step two, have nuts. And then Spielberg will be knocking at your door. It's really easy. Show nuts. Step three. Is Edward Woodward not the equalizer anymore? No, it's Queen Latifah. Oh, it is? Anybody big fans of the equalizer starring Queen Latifah? Anybody been in the equalizer starring Queen Latifah? No equalizer fans.

One. Has anyone here been on the equalizer? That's what I said. I'm shocked five people didn't raise their hand. No. No. It's like asking if you've been on Law and Order in New York. Yeah. Yeah.

And I love when the response is, I was a dead body. Yeah. Wow. As most of you know by now, I have a herniated disc in my back, so I'm in pain and I'm cranky and I'm going to... He's fucked up! Shut up. He's so different from any other time.

Yeah. I'm not feeling good. I'm going to take it out on them and you. Oh. Quiet! I told them on the way here, I'm going to kill a character tonight, or I'm gonna kill myself. Oh my god.

This is an inside joke. Sydney, whenever we like, we never talked about this, whenever we like pile on her like backstage or in the studio, she's like, I'm gonna go kill myself, and then she leaves. Whenever we pile on her backstage or in the studio, she's like, I'm gonna go kill myself. And then she leaves and we all laugh. And then I leave and nobody texts me or checks in.

No. The joke is that you posted that on the internet. Yeah, that was it. The joke is a fan of the GCN said something mean and I said, well, why don't I just kill myself and then you won't be bothered again. No, you said KMS. K mean and I said well why don't I just kill myself and then you won't be bothered again. No you said KMS. KMS and Joe said you can't do that online. But then I explained the self-deprecation jokes of like I'm gonna

kill myself and the guys eat that shit up they love it. Now they love it. The waiters like we don't have that IPA, and she was like, no problem, I'll just get this other one. Thank you so much. Guys, I should kill myself. Yeah. No, I like watch as the server walks away, and I just look long and darkly in that direction and just say, I'm gonna kill myself. And everyone laughs.

And we all laugh, and then we move on. It's a real fun bit. It is, it's a great bit. It's a good bit. It's really just for us. Yeah. Not really landing move on. It's a real fun bit. It is, it's a great bit. It's a good bit. It's really just for us. Not really landing here somewhere. I wouldn't have talked about it.

But man, we think it's a land. We shouldn't have shared that. Try it with your close personal friends. See how it goes. Let us know. The fact that that joke didn't land makes me want to kill myself. And you got him back. Got him back. Got him back.

I am so excited for tonight's show. This is going to get me through the pain because for the past two months I have kind of known exactly where the LA show would end up. And when we finished the Portland show two nights ago, I was right. It's happening here tonight. I'll take it a step further. I think in many ways every show we've done this year has led to tonight's show. And for those of you who know Strange Aeons, you know what's about to go down! Scared. Do you guys want to say anything?

Not now. I'm just going to stay out of your line of sight. I did, I wrote a song. Really? Do you need a musical accompaniment? No, no, I have it ready. I have music and everything. I don't want to derail the show or anything. Too late.

I'm really nervous. But I've only performed this for Samantha who's here. Yeah! Woo! So it's a work in progress, but I've got this song that I've been working on, working really hard on it. I'd like to premiere it tonight if you're...

Woo! Oh my God! There could be a casting director in the audience. Yeah, I know. That's what I think, because it's LA, there might be some record executives here or something. Right, you could be discovering. So anyone a casting director for the Equalizers? He has a song.

You could do backup on it, Sydney. Oh, fuck. I don't know what... Okay. All right, hold on. I don't know what this is. I'm excited. All right, here we go.

Yeah! I brought a ham to the club. I brought a ham to the club. I brought a ham to the club. I brought a ham to the club. I brought a ham to the club. I brought a ham to the club. I brought a ham to the club. I brought a ham to the club. I brought a ham to the club. I brought a ham to the club. I brought a ham to the club.

I brought a ham to the club. And that's it. It is a work in progress. Wow. I have a couple questions. Are you saying you brought a ham to the club? Yeah, I brought a ham to the club. It's based on a couple questions. Are you saying you brought a ham to the club? It's based on a true story.

You brought a, like a smoked ham to the club? Like a ham, a canned ham. Yeah. Well, we're here. No further questions. So you can download an MP4 of it on broughtahamtotheclub.net. You get that for free for $4.95. Was.com taken? Yeah, the.com is already taken. And.edu for some reason. But.net is like, you could go there. Broughtahamtotheclub. Yeah, I guess there's a college in like Hampshire or something I don't know that was incredible nice thank you

it's nice that's for Samantha also my friend Thomas might be here here we go is that was that really you was that just a guy named Thomas I think he was just excited that your friend Thomas might be here I thought he would comedy's not here never mind go on Thomas if you see this later what the hell man Skip was so fucking excited and now he's gonna kill himself saying it on stage is so much different than saying it in the group chat. Yeah. We keep doubling down on it too. It gets funnier every time.

Well, if that happens, we'll bring a ham to a club and leave a handle near it. Uh, there's a lot of show here tonight. We're probably gonna go long unless you guys have things to do. We'll see. We'll see! Calm down! This episode is brought to you by Dragon Ball Legends, the ultimate Dragon Ball experience on your mobile device. Dragon Ball Legends features action-packed, anime action, RPG gameplay with Goku, Vegeta, Trunks and all your favorite Dragon Ball characters.

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But I want to get to it. So Joe, let's take it to the recap. Take it to the cap, baby. Spin that shit. Give me some good, you got some good music that you downloaded. No, I don't have any good music. What? You have new music.

You have so much time in between shows to like find good recap music. He asks for it every time. Yeah. Should know by now. Too busy at the gym? Jesus. What do I want to herniate my disc? That'd be ridiculous.

Oh my God. The board's burning. I broke my wireless mouse. Uh, oh man. I'm gonna keep this even when I feel great wireless mouse. Oh man. I'm gonna keep this even when I feel great. No. Maybe in Philly I'll Willy Wonka up to the stage.

Whippin' it around. Hello everyone! They'll love that in that 300 degree room. Here it is, short recap. Please shut up while I tell it. It's distracting when you talk. I promise nothing. Our heroes have journeyed far from their homelands in search of a man named?

Count Esoteric. The Count is a naughty, naughty boy. In an effort to raise his standing in the academic community, the Count started dabbling with some esoteric shut up. You are starting off rough. I sleep 45 minutes a night. Esoteric, dabbling with some dark esoteric knowledge, and in so doing allowed an alien

god to poison his mind. The great old one known as Jamin Dor has wormed its way into Lau's mind and instructed him to find a hidden city wherein lies ancient monuments that can be awakened to allow Jamin Dor into the world, an event that could cause the apocalypse. Yeah, serious shit. Lost my place.

In order to find this hidden city, Lyle's needed to find a book called the Necronomicon. Maybe you've heard of it. So he traveled to the city of Cathere to seek a library of the occult called the Mysterium where a copy of said tome is said to be locked away in the library's soul. He bribed the library's protectors,

but once he got in, he went places he wasn't supposed to. Naughty naughty naughty boy and His presence his mere presence and association with this alien. God has caused the entire Mysterium to go haywire That's an overreaction that was not proportional I appreciate it. I was about to call security. Like, be careful. Someone fainted.

Just kidding, they didn't. Our heroes have traveled through the first, second, and third level, dealing with all these problems that Lyle's caused. And two nights ago, in Portland, they opened perhaps the final doorway to a fourth level of the Mysterium. They have been locked inside this building by the keepers of the Mysterium and will not

be let out of this place until they reset the alarms of this building. So one member of the party played by Matthew Cabotacasa. Eiffel, a mercenary fighter the party hired in their travels, descended into a 30 by 30 foot room with the walls composed of hundreds of these angel statues, most bearing weapons pointed inward, some wearing two colored masks, the floor itself carved for more faces, and at the heart of the room a single object supported by a pedestal made of a quartet of stone hands. That poster is for sale at the merch booth. The object? A peculiar slightly rusted iron cube, a foot square on each side. Ethel looks up and can no longer see his allies who are just there now that he is in this

otherworldly space. His companions look down and they too cannot see Ethel. And that is where we start our epic story this evening. The faster money and data move, the further your business can go to a seamless digital future for Canadians. Let's go faster forward together. In Life, Interact. A courtside legend is born. The Raptor Chicken Nacho Poutine from McDonald's. Our world-famous fries topped with seasoned chicken, gravy, stringy cheese curds, tortilla strips, and drizzled with nacho cheese sauce.

Get your claws on it. For a limited time only, I'm participating in McDonald's restaurants in Ontario. This is an ad by BetterHelp. What comes to mind when you hear the word gratitude? Maybe it's a daily practice, or maybe it feels hard to be grateful right now. Don't forget to give yourself some thanks by investing in your well-being.

BetterHelp is the largest online therapy provider in the world, connecting you to qualified professionals via phone, video, or message chat. Let the gratitude flow. Visit betterhelp.com to learn more and save 10% on your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-LELP.com. Now you can do that reaction. Yeah, that's good. I do also appreciate the one person who just kind of quietly went, Oh no. It's bad. Oh no.

Shaman Dore shit. Did he say Shaman Dore? Some of us never listen to the show. Yeah. Yeah. What do you guys wanna do? Do you wanna? You know what, let's start with our heroes up above. You see Ethel bravely climb down.

The passageway leading down is made up of angel statues. He's like grabbing onto their limbs and their wings to work his way down. As he goes into this darkness, he's gone. You look, you see nothing. You hear nothing. Ethel.

Ethel. Ethel. Ethel Ethel Ethel Do I hear them? No, okay, you are dead. Oh Yeah, no, he is vanished Shoot I'm going wait. I'm going what no I can send egg down and I can see Through its eyes or we can all just go. There is no reason to think that this, whatever has taken Ethel away would not cut off the

communication with Egg. He may be in trouble. We should not delay. Should I turn into a bird? No. Okay. That was my only contribution. So. Just, you're so lovely as you are. Thank you. Stay that way.

Okay, well who wants to go first then? Push Atticus down the hole. Ah, no! Tum tum tum tum tum. What's it like? Pits his head on every angel statue. Every arm. No, I will go, it's an athletics check?

It's like you have to climb down? No, not an interest in athletics checks. Alright, perfect, then he's gonna go, I'm going, and I'm going to make sure I'm not seen, just in case. And he does this small incantation, some of his stage work, and right before your eyes,

he vanishes. He casts invisibility cloak. It happened to him too. Oh, now he's... I'm right here, you fool. Atacus, where did you go? Aldo, lower your voice. Oh. I'm going now. Okay, what'sot! Where did you go? Aldo, lower your voice. I'm going now.

Okay, what's the signal for when you get down there, if it's safe or not? I think we all should go. Now. Let's go. Alright. And he'll start descending. I thought you were going to go down to determine. There's no reason to know we can communicate with each other, so I think we should all just go. Yeah. Alright.

I mean maybe he's dead, maybe he was like vaporized, like we're in a tomb of horrors and it was the sphere of annihilation. So of course we should all go at once into the same thing. Yeah, maybe we'll all get vaporized. Well when I get closer to wherever he sort of disappeared, I'll do an arcana check, see if I notice anything particularly dangerous. I have a question. Yes, Kate.

You've been noticeably quiet with your neck, mouth, choker, and your chicken from hands. I was just wondering. She's got chicken fingers. Man, I'm hungry. And your pint glass of vodka. I was just thinking. Yes? Is Father Bubbles coming?

Oh! Oh. My God. Would you look at this. So many of the elders have talked about the soul of the Mysterium, but never have they laid eyes upon it. I, a lonely new priest,

would never have dreamed that I would get to set my eyes upon the glory of the soul. Let's go to the man. Woo! Nice, Joe, really nice. What you should have seen is this. Oh!

Oh! I wasn't sure if he was saying a new priest or a new priest, a new priest. New! A new priest. I'm only one year out of the seminary. We call it something different. I have traveled with you thus far, and though I bear the deceased body of Elder Luthien I will

see you through to the end let us go. Are you going to climb down holding Elder Luthien? I figured I'd just throw him down or maybe ride him down like a surfboard. He loved surfing. Let's go! That was how we honor... That was a fact about Elder Lathine we had not yet known. Big surfer. It's hard to fact check because he's dead, so we just gotta believe him. It's how they honor their dead in the cult of nephis

You use the body as the tool in their greatest joy in life. Yeah Yes, you should carry them ahead to the great endless summer of the afterlife And so people got that joke I got a skill So people got that joke. I got it. I appreciate that. I Only know that because I worked at blockbuster for oh, yeah. Okay. It's a good movie. It's good documentary And so we just see a camera shot from high above as one by one The Allies start to descend into this dark pit Climbing on the wings and limbs of these grotesque angel statues Sticking out of the walls of this tunnel

Meanwhile we go to Ethel new map Is that a d20 Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. I gotta say, I talked to my dad on the phone today, and he said to say he was incredibly impressed with the functionality of Foundry VTT. He thought it was very, very cool. We need to make up work for last episode. Make sure he signs up using the affiliate code. I'll let him know. On our website. Your dad.

Are you trying to find somewhere to run? Don't worry about it. Ethel? Ethel, let me describe to you again what you see. This curious little chamber 30 feet to a side. No normal walls, hundreds of statues of these angelic beings. You've seen them throughout the Mysterium on every floor

and they keep getting more and more grotesque. At first they seemed holy, then gross, then angry, then lustful. Here you see all manner of visages, but they're also armed and they're pointing weapons inward at you, spears. Some of them have two colored masks, the floor masks. And almost as you stand there and watch these statues out of the corner of

your eye you see something move and you look and it's just a bunch of statues looking at you but then you hear something behind you and again child laughing Can I not knowing what to do with the cube, can Ethel disarm some of these statues? Are those weapons? Gleam it! You walk towards one of the statues, this angelic being that's wrapped,

looks like Lou Ferrigno. What order of angel does Lou Ferrigno belong to? Is he a part of the Seraphim? I was gonna say Seraphim, yes. The Ferrignophim. He's holding two long swords, one in each hand, and they are unnervingly realistic with these dynamic poses that make it seem like

they're just gonna jump out of the wall at you at any point. And then of course in the center of the room, this stone cube. Lufrinda. I guess I should ask, is there a... Nice. I guess I should ask is there a Nice To get that reference

Past the cube is there a knowledge check I might be able to do here yeah knowledge party sorry what do you have spear I know what the fuck is this this is like a growler cold rush IPA from Southgate Brewing Company nice 46 ounces. 20%. Oh my God. It'll kill you. In your condition? Tylenol doesn't work. What do you wanna do? Is there a knowledge check I can roll on the cubes? So wait, so the weapons are-

Wait, you said you wanted to check out the statue. Yes, the weapons are kind of part of the statue. It's not like it's a statue holding a real long sword. Do you roll a perception check? Yes. Seems like he might be able to just tell that without a roll. I don't know. It's pretty freaky. I would roll a perception check if I were you.

23. You don't know. You feel like you need to get a little closer. I get a little closer. Oh. You get a little closer, and you really analyze the point where the statue's hand holds the sword. You think this must have been made thousands of years ago,

but why? Why? Where are your friends? and as you reach forward to analyze without touching unless you tell me you touch that space I tell you why wouldn't I want to touch these angel statues I'm getting reached out to touch the angel stats with my hammer or my hammer with my hatchet I'll be and the second your hatchet touches the statue, you feel something grab the back of your leg.

Oh! You turn, and it's Atticus Grimm. Yes! Ah, ah, a rat! A rat! Kill it! Kill it! Are you invisible?

Yeah, I'm invisible. It's the- I don't think I would just grab his leg. Kill it! Kill it! Kill it! Are you invisible? Oh right. Yeah, I am invisible. It's the- I don't think I would just grab his leg. That's a hostile action, you're no longer invisible. This is Ethel. Ethel. Yes?

Don't touch it, you fool. You know, I really need to have a conversation with you guys about the way you talk to me. It's not really that professional. And words can hurt. What is this place? I'm here. Oh, thank the heavens. Father Bubbles is with us.

What are we all talking about? Are we yelling at Ethel? I started to have a suspicion that maybe these statues would come to life and kill us. Of course, yeah, that was my first thought when we entered this space. Right, so I was wanting to know, like, maybe take their weapons away. Are you alright, Ethel? The air in here is quite stale. It's thousands of years old. Perhaps you should sit down.

Ethel, do you have a sinus infection? I haven't been able to access my antibiotics since we entered the dungeon. Can I do a perception check on the statues? Yeah, you have a little general perception. 33. Ooh, little Larry. Larry! Me! You begin looking at these statues, the same statues that Ethel examined. Ethel, you now know that the weapons

seem to be fused to the arms, but Suki with a much better perception role digs in. And as you're looking, you notice that among all of these statues, there's one that stands out to you that has no eyes, just holes where the eyes should be. Hm. She calls everyone over. Where in the room is that one?

That one is to the south-west. South-west. She calls everybody over. Laughter Oh! Hello, Pepsi. Pepsi come come come.

Get him out of here. Is that not the best part? We're going to get a cease and desist one of these days. I'm forever blowing bubbles. Where's my man over here with the bubble shirt? What does it say again? I blow bubbles like a boss. He told me at the VIP meet and greet he just went on Amazon and Googled bubble shirts. Luckily it came in time.

And he came with his buddy who is not caught up on the show by a long shot. And he just goes, you'll see. You'll see. You all come over to the south-west corner and you see the same thing that Suki sees. She points it out to you. There's one statue here that has no eyes just holes where the sockets are and you look around No other statue that you can see seems to share this and so it's curious is it Their cavities cut into the head. Yes

Hey Atticus, yes, what do you think would happen if we put our fingers in the holes? I'm not sure yet, I'm going to get a closer look. I assume that I have to climb the statue to be eye to eye with these. Yeah, you're small. Yeah, I'm not sure yet, I'm going to get a closer look. I assume that I have to climb the statue to be eye to eye with these...

Yeah, you're small. Yeah. To get up there, someone could give you ten fingers. He just wants to... He just wants to look into the openings. Okay. I'll give you a boost. Thank you.

I smell sex and can't... You have to sexualize everything. I didn't say anything. I'm just going to do a perception. Ethel gives you a boost. You take a peek into the eyes. Are you putting any light towards it or anything? Because it's pretty dark. No, I have dark vision.

Okay. So, see if I can see anything within these holes 23 No, it's they're very small. They're just little eye sockets, but You don't see anything in there And the other ones don't have something that was like removed from this one No, the other ones just seem like they have eyes that were sculptured into the statue. I have something goes in there.

I cast Light. Light. Light. Silky, are you eating something? Yeah, what? Where did you get food? Are you starving? We just rested.

Sorry, are we interrupting your dinner? There's a bit of elven bread left over. Were you hungry? How rude of the 400 of us. To interrupt your meal. I didn't realize that everyone was hungry. I thought we all rested and did our own thing. If you're hungry, you're a bit hangry right now,

I could give you some elven bread. I would like some lambus bread. I'd take a bite. Okay, well it'll last a really long time though, so I'm gonna take a tiny, tiny bite. We still have stuff to eat. Don't eat the whole thing. Okay. It seems unlikely.

Do any of you smart people want to look at the thing in the center of the room? Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying. Wait, wait, wait. Can I just cast light really quick in the eyes to be able to see? Yeah, cast light sort of right in the face of this thing so you can look in and your allies look in as well and

You see what looks like a tiny brass switch at the end of both eye sockets at the end of both eye sockets. Inside the socket? Inside of each socket. Way in the back. So two switches? Two switches.

Huh, and Suki looks in, and then she looks back at the cube area. Okay, let's not touch it yet. Perhaps we should look at the cube first? Yes, yes, the cube. Elder Luthien, he was a wise man. Often he would take out young acolytes such as myself for drinks after school. He loved to drink and carouse a holy man that didn't eschew the pleasures of life, such as the ways of Nevis. Anyway, one time while deep in his cups, he let slip

stories of a puzzle box that lay deep within the Mysterium. A mysterious box that even the elders such as he never glimpsed but one that was set here long ago by our order to protect the key to the soul. He said he was drunk mind mind you, and a little touchy feely. But despite his advances, I remember something he said that night. Jesus Christ. He's holding his corpse, by the way. He said that the living devotees of Nethus,

who created this key, gave their lives in its creation to protect the contents of the soul for all eternity. And now, if only you could see it now, sweet prince. Why is he a prince though? I thought... Don't, Bubbles, don't, put the... Don't. What? So much to unpack with what's going on with all of this. Puzzle box. Could I roll a Knowledge Arcana on a puzzle box?

Yes. Can I roll a puzzle box on a puzzle box. Yes. I roll a puzzle box. Roll. Knowledge puzzle box. Jesus. Starting off ice cold. 38, Arcana. Oh! What about the dumb rap?

26. Oh, unfortunate. Unfortunate. I've never heard of such a thing. However, both of you have eyes and you've studied enough occult texts at this point to notice certain things. You see sigils on this box of creation and destruction.

Now, you look at that Atticus and you're like how curious. You can't quite see beyond its meaning but with Aldo's 36? 36? 38? 38, excuse me. You think that there must be some correct sequence that these rings need to be set in order to open this puzzle box. Oh, I see. Are there any Australians here tonight, by the way. Oh! Prove it! Throw some Vegemite at the stage. The only way we'll know for sure. There is a correct sequence in which we must place these rings. Wow! Wow!

Ba dum bum! You're as cold as ice! This night could have gone many ways. Anyway, there is a correct sequence of

things that can put these rings in. Let's put them in the correct sequence as opposed to any incorrect sequences. But how do we know the correct sequence? That is the trick. Therein lies the puzzle. Do the sigils on the box correspond to any of the sigils

on the statues on the wall or anything in the room? There might be a couple of things that seem reminiscent of some of the runes that are carved on the cloaks of the angels, but it's unclear. Are there, have we seen any of these symbols in the library before? In any floor? Nothing jumps out at you. You've looked at a lot of shit since you've been in here. But there's nothing like, oh, remember the creation and destruction room? That doesn't happen.

Father Dick. Yes? What do you know of the creation and destruction sigils here? Pfff. I was sick that week. Was sick that week And I meant to read up on what I missed But life got in the way

You didn't think to read up on it when they told you you were coming down into the soul That maybe it would be good to just take a glance With you or ask somebody for their notes. It is only now that I realize my folly. Do any of the statues, like, I don't know, do they tell a story of creation or anything? Like, is there anything that they're doing? If anything, the statues all seem to push forward the idea of destruction. They look like guardians. They want to fucking kill you. OK. to push forward the idea of destruction.

They look like guardians. They want to fucking kill you. There's no baby being born. Or a flower. These angels though, they seem like they would be, I don't know, this would be a religion check. This would be like a religion check. Yeah, do a little religion check on the angels. I just want to know, do they look like they're specifically like servants of Nethus?

I mean, I assume they would be, but what's their deal? Yeah, what's their deal? Religion that is a 33. 33 you You do see amongst the statues Holy symbols that don't exactly look like the current symbol of Nethus But you see Nethus in there like they're older versions Oh, so this this you know that like they were built long ago. Yes like an antediluvian form of the ice Fucking word. The fucking one word I got wrong on my SATs.

I'll never forget it! I'm gonna look that up. Antediluvian before the flood. That's nice. Yeah. No one has any bottle caps, but you almost just earned one. Fuck! Ethel has a bottle cap.

No, they all reset beginning of the show. Oh. And you start with zero. Cause we're in LA. The land of the zeros. Love you guys. Um, alright. Should we try the switches? Try what?

The switches in the eyes. Yes, perhaps. See if it presents. Could I do, just try one more check here. Can I do a cultism on, you know, we've read so many of these books now during our travels, like,

for creation, destruction, themes, anything that might point to, I don't know, these symbols are, I don't know how to start figuring out an order, but is there any lore to like? Like rituals or like anything? Can I try that? Tell me, are you doing anything physically

or are you just sort of looking and trying to study the box or the statues? The box. Okay, and looking or touching? Huh. Touch. And looking or touching? Huh. Touch. Good question. Yeah, perhaps like everybody else is like looking away for a moment. He just looks around and it's like, perhaps if I trace this room, it could.

You see the symbols of creation and destruction and you think that there must be some way to align this box in such a way that it might open. But Father Bubbles. Yes? Though I am loath to hear you speak again. What? What is?

You bring humor into a dark situation? You said that they gave their lives, their souls, in the making of this box. Well, this dead drunk priest said that. Yes. But I believed him. But that is designed to protect the Mysterium. Did he ever indicate at all what was inside it? Is it a key?

He did. Knowledge. Call the box the key to the soul. Perhaps there is a physical key inside or maybe it's a metaphor. Right. Is that the one with like or as? Simile.

Simile, that's a simile. Simile. But that doesn't sound as good. Perhaps it's a simile. Yes. It could be like a simile as I have been told. Athel. Yeah?

Do you want to try to throw a switch? By me. Oh, I wanna do it. All right. I thought you said, do you try to throw a switch? By me. Oh I want to do it. All right. I thought you said do you want to throw a switch? That was Matthew. Oh. I get very confused. It's good to hear from him. Is Ethel here? Is Ethel here tonight? Eris? Yeah. Would you like to try? Yeah. Are you doing both or only one? I would love to do both, but What do you think sir? Whatever you like as he moves to the complete opposite side. Oh god. All right. Here we go. I Hope I don't mess this up and she takes no way. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. She takes two fingers

My god, everyone's moving around and then she she sticks them in the holes. All the way in. All the way in. And then she... Don't worry, she has very long fingers. And then she... And then she flicks. First thing you notice is that it's deeper than you thought. It's almost as if your fingers go on for days.

Wow. No one's ever said that to me before. Until you feel these tiny brass switches and you trigger them? Yep. Flick. Shikunk! Oh fuck. The ground seems to shake beneath you. You look around and you see that same thing that Ethel saw

when he first came into this room. Like the statues seem to be moving. You're like, no, it's a trick of the imagination. You look over here. Was that thing just moving? Was that thing just moving? Is the ground moving? And then somewhere deep, deep beyond this room, perhaps in another dimension, you hear a deep tolling bell

father bubble says you've reset the wards of the Mysterium. Oh, good question Mark. Oh yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. We did it. I, we did it. Yes. Now, once we have rid this place of lous.

Why did you put the circuit breaker down here? That's a terrible place to put it. No one has ever created such a disturbance like Lyle's. But you have reset the wards. Now we must just cleanse this place of what he's done. We're so close. The box. Okay. I'll do a... Can I do...

You want to do something? What do you want to do? No, I was just going to turn attention to the statues. I don't know. You did perception and that's how you found the eyeless one. Yeah, I'd like... I don't know if there's any creation to strap. We have to look deeper for the symbols somewhere hidden

within. Do can I do religion on the sigils? I mean, I pray sometimes to to for asthma. Yeah. You're a lapsed for asthma elapsed for asthma. Christmas and Easter on that just Christmas and Easter. The ones that count. I do the good ones, the important ones. But she, you know, she like guides the dead and stuff. I feel like there's a bit of creation, destruction energy to her.

So could I do a religion? Yeah. No, I think you should all keep cowardly rolling checks. Let me... Yeah. Fuck. It's way better than doing something. No, I think you should all keep cowardly rolling checks. Let me. Yeah. Fuck. It's way better than doing something. Wait, so let me understand the puzzle box.

So the rings are on the side, like on the faces of the cube. And we have to like twist it. It looks like you need to align these rings in some way. Which will be? A check. Like make them match or something? Oh, so it's like a thievery check?

Could be. Could be Joseph O'Brien. Oh, that's you. Could be, could be. We don't know the order. So a thievery check would help us crack the code. A math check. Thievery would be one way.

You also think that like. Oh no. Shh. I was about to go. I'm out then. Side line for me tonight. I was about to go, I'm out then. Sideline for me tonight. I feel like a video game.

We should just keep turning it until we find the right combination. One wrong combination. The rings need to align. Ethel's already spinning it like a Rubik's cube. Just look at it. We need to look at it and figure out which orientation needs to be in to align it, right? I think you're all right. Let's just take action. Yeah, so it doesn't seem like it's a knowledge of, you know, some...

Atticates grab the cube. Grab the cube. You've stared at the cube long enough, you've rolled enough dumb checks to know that like... You could probably ask why we don't do things like recall knowledge. To know that you could maybe Indiana Jones this right with thievery. Twist it or bop it. This is twisted bop it. Smack it. Come on. Nice.

Almost a cap. Shut up. Shut up. You could maybe twist with a little thievery, or those of you who are arcana occultism inclined may be able to read into this the best way to do it. Now maybe the DCs would be different based on what decision you make. I see.

What do you mean? But I'm just spitball. Based on your right. So make another check? No one has made an actual check to attempt to align the box. I would like to try it based on my previous attempt to decipher what was going on here. I'm going to do another uncanned check to see if I can agree with what you just laid out. Trying to align one of these rings,

for lack of a better word. Oh, that's good. 37. Woo! How those steps up. Hands sweaty. Father Dick is like, you're looking at the symbols, creation, destruction, thousands of years old. You place your

hands on this stone cube, a cube that seems perhaps fused to the pedestal, you can't lift it up. If you try to move it at all, it's like, it feels like it weighs 500 pounds, tiny. Shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush, shush. You turn, tuk-a-koong, and it locks into place. One of the rings has been locked. Yes.

Yes! I truly am the Lord of the Rings. So. Nice. Violent hand. Nice pun. Should we all try to do a ring? Takes about a minute for him to do that.

And I'm exhausted, so I just lay back with a towel. Yeah. I mean, thisicus, I mean this is... I know. You, this has to be... This is your jam, dawg! You should really do this. Yeah.

You've gotta be... The character? Absolutely. So fucking psyched. But I have to roll a die! Alright. LA Joe! LA Joe!

LA Joe! LA Joe! LA Joe! LA Joe! LA Joe! LA Joe, LA Joe, LA Joe. Do we got this? Come on. All right. With these twisted soulless LA people,

I will use a cultism to attempt to align the second ring. Here we go. I'll roll the die. Rest, Aldair. I can do this. I got this die from Sean in Camarillo. Sean, thanks, wherever you are. RIP, Sean.

Yeah, sorry that this die is gonna... Sorry. No, I mean good job. Prove me wrong, Joe. You're about to see resin shatter. All right, here we go. Fucking balls. 32.

Atticus steps up while Aldo is panting and Father Dick is fanning him while still holding the body of Elden the Thune. You step up and you see what Aldo has done and symbols that didn't seem like they matched before suddenly match. And so you lean forward and start spinning this cube. It's like Hellraiser puzzle box shit. Yeah, fuck yeah! Ross Bryant told me to watch Hellraiser. Did you watch it? I did, it was fucking awesome.

It's fucking awesome, right? So good. Hellraiser is an awesome movie. It's fucking great. Yeah. Sexy too. It is. The Ciborites.

Shoom, shoom, shoom, shoom, shoom. The second ring has been. Yeah! Caberillo! Yes! Eris. Oh hi, and he starts to just like topple over who leans on effort To be this It's a nice Someone else pick up a risk, please. Oh, please. Please. You must do the third ring me only you On the I only you okay, you've got this heis. Because I think your cultism is better than mine. Oh yeah, I'm pretty good at that. This task is appointed for you, witch. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Alright. You must find a way. I'll try. Or no one will. I'm gonna roll a dice that I got. That's supposed to be... It rolls like 17s or higher. It's pink, and I forgot who gave it to me.

So it's awful. Just double checking. You gave it to me. You, you there boy. What day is it today? This roll's all on you. This pink dice day. What, the one as big as me.

This is a very interesting situation. Oh, 17. 31. Working our way down. Not a good roll. We're going to find that D.C. Very high occultism. Eris steps up Twitter.

Neck, mouth drooling. And goes to shift... Stop. Stop doing that. ...this final ring into place. It could be out. Something seems off. Oh no. Oh.

About it. And from the middle back of the room. Oh gosh. One of the statues steps forward. But as it peels itself off the wall, it no longer looks like an angel. It almost just looks like a mannequin.

Ew. With like swirling blue light around it. And it stares at the seventeen of you. And attacks. World for initiative. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit Let me give you a sort of artist rendition of what you're seeing here. Oh, it's like an artist model doll.

It's kind of like a crash test dummy, right? It's like an artist model doll, like when they do the. It like steps out from within the statue. This blue light around it, no face, no eyes. What's your roll, Eris? Natural 20. Whoa! One roll too late, that's a 38.

38, man, things would have gone. Don't forget, you're demoralized. And I demoralize the puppet. You demoralize yourself. Okay, so it's a John against my John. Eye roll intimidation. Against my Will DC? Yes. Self. Okay, so it's a John against my John. Eye roll intimidation. Against my Will DC?

Yes. Okay, you're so smart Matthew. Oh go on. 36. Fuck. You said my neck mouth was drooling and that's a little intimidating. Something in the way you look at this thing.

Action, Kate! What is your stupid ability called? It's called Battle Cry. Battle Cry? Let me just look up Battle Cry real quick. What is the mental trait? I yell a mighty battle cry and demoralize an absurd foe as a free action. Okay.

Auditory, concentrate, emotion, fear, and mental. Oh, that's what you're looking for. It's demoralized. Nice! Free action. Okay. Auditory, concentrate, emotion, fear, and mental. Oh, that's what you're looking for. It's demoralized. Nice. So it'll be frightened one. You frightened this ancient guardian. What is the total roll of your initiative?

Me? Yes. 38. I knew that. Atticus, what did you roll for initiative? 36. Ooh. Nice. Suki.

28. Ooh, not as good. Tweeter. Ethel. 32. There you go. Okay, good roll. That's all right.

That's all right. It's frightened one, but I don't get a chance to try to demoralize it too, do I? I don't think you could. Yeah. If you crit, it's frightened two. If you crit. get a chance to try to demoralize it. I don't think you could yeah No, if you crit you could yeah, if you crit if I crit alright fine. Yeah crit oh That's gonna be a 34 Why did I make us think you Chris

Why did you make us think you're crazy? It's 42! That is amazing. You're in your poop rolls. You're in your poop rolls. Poopy poop rolls. I hate this game so much. We were just watching Anchorman in the hotel last night. It's sick in two?

No, it's bright. Shut up. Aldo, what did you roll? 25. 25. Aldo, what'd you roll? 25. 25 for Aldo. Begin encounter. Round one. It's it's turn. Oh.

A shocker. It rolled a 41. But it's scared. That's so weird. It's so weird that it rolled the four of your ears. Welcome to the Terrador! Reaches its arms out. I don't know that that fit the tone, but okay.

No it did, I think. Everybody shut up, I'm acting. Reaches its arms out. No face. reaches its arms, no face, and the blue around its body seems to extend to its fingertips, its little nubs, and one of this blue light kind of flies towards Ethel. Give me a will save. Okay. Towards Ethel? Yeah. So this whole thing in the center is providing no blockage. Shut up. You can shoot right through it? Yeah. So this whole thing in the center is providing no blockage. Shut up. You can shoot right through it?

Yes. It's about yay high. Got it. It's waist high? Yay. Yay? Oh, it's yay high. Okay.

Is this a fear effect? No, but I'd be afraid. Natural toy. Oh! Oh baby! natural toy OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH do we ruin your encounter? Oh do we mess up your widow fight? fight. He has to go pee from that giant beard. He really does look so sad. He has his backstage Grandpa, come back. We're sorry we turned off Newsmax. Sit down. My grandson does a Dragons and Dungeons podcast. Natural 20, you piece of shit!

What a fucking kick in the nuts! God! This is so funny for anybody that was at the Portland show. This is the same fucking thing. We're rolling it over! This is great! This is the best we've... We're on an incredible roll as a group.

Just an absolute... And he's on a terrible one. He's on a terrible cold streak. Yeah. But we've been on a terrible, terrible cold streak on Gatewalkers that's been epically terrible. Maybe we just need to come to the West Coast more. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna run down there. I'm gonna run down there. With his final action. Shit heads. It's pronounced Shetheed.

Elder Shetheed. It closes on both Aldo and Eris. What? Now it is Eris's turn. Eris. Two actions. It is Eris's turn. Eris. Two actions. You see, so there's like weapons that are being held by these other statues, like I see like a weird battle axe.

Is that there? The battle axe sprouts chicken legs. Yeah! And with two actions of spirit objects, the battle axe moves up to the puppet. Yeah! Wow! It makes a melee attack roll against it. Chicken axe! So wait, the battle axe that is fused to the statue sprouts chicken legs and runs away?

You know what, I was trying to make it cool, but any object with like bludgeoning piercing or slashing damage It's very important Are you saying that the axe the statue is holding sprouts chicken legs and springs off the statue? Or you saying a piece of dirt in the room. I would like to battle axe. Okay chicken axe All right, we'll say battle to willoon. We'll say that the Battle Poon. We'll say that the leg sprout right at the area where it's fused to the statue. And it jumps out of the hands.

Hell yeah it does. Yeah. Hell yeah. And rushes towards this dummy. And now I'm going to make a melee attack roll. Can you move it on the map Troy the axe? No, I Refuse please. No

I'll use my spooky green die. I Didn't roll it in my in my in my cup doesn't count it doesn't count Some bitch no it landed outside Cheaters before it. I'm on your side. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It landed outside. Cheaters. 30.

Oh wait, 29 to hit. Final answer? Yeah. Miss! No! Whoa, oh shit. Even with frightened too? Even with frightened?

Yep! Okay. Also it's frightened one. No. Oh yeah, it's had a turn. He crit it. Okay. Also, it's Frightened One. No. Oh yeah, it's had a turn. He crit it. Okay. Oh.

Well. Anything else? It's had a turn, so it ticked down. You see the axe do a really good job, but somehow miss, so do with that information what you will. And for her last action, she's gonna... Who's going next?

Atticus? Atticus. I want to, or Atticus, are you gonna delay? No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No. No. No. Cause if not, I'll do this to someone else. That's truly uncalled for. You're as cold as ice. The only reason I would ever delay is because it would be That's truly uncalled for

The only reason I would ever delay is because it would be the perfect time to delay What have you ever known him to delay? Necessarily yes absurd she cast guidance on Ethel Ethel well it is Atticus' turn. It's a very interesting situation. This is a very interesting situation. I'll say, I'll go with my gut instinct, which is that he feels this has obviously been triggered by the misalignment of the rings and Thinks that it's possible that realigning the rings could help so I want to try to work on the thing and answer good answer

It's very smart. I will tell you this though. You know from Successfully turning one of these rings it took you a minute to do so. So in the middle of combat, you can't do it. Ah, shit. I mean, maybe this combat will last 10 rounds. Oh, maybe it will. That would be foolish though, that'd be foolish. Fuck. All right, gotta kiss.

Everyone's watching. Yeah. He wants to delay so bad, but he can't now. He can't, he can't do it now. Do it. You to delay so bad, but he can't now. He can't. He can't do it now. Do it. You want it so bad. I love delaying so much.

As a spellcaster, it's like the best move. It's so clutch. I delay to better position myself, and because I don't know what I'm doing. Too many spells. Look at this cool map. Davey maps. Come on Joe. Sorry.

I thought I could work on this thing. Alright, I will I'll just take a round then and try to hit the damn thing. So, I'll take some sort of loose object laying around the room and attempt to telekinetic projectile after casting Shore Strike. So he's gonna take an action to cast Shore Strike

and then another to pull an object from the floor and just whoop whoop, hit this dummy in the head. Thus rolling twice and taking the best result. Very well. Give me your attack roll. Attack roll. Against right one. Let's go.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Shit. I don't think it's a crit, but it is a 40! Oh shit! It's not a crit. That is a hit. The 30's a crit, but it is a 40. Oh shit It's not a crit that is a hit the 30 was a miss right now. That is a hit 40 is 31

31 was a miss anyone was a miss 40 is a hit 40 is a hit not a crit with frightened what? 40 is not a great with crit no Wow, it's embarrassing like's embarrassing you even asked that. I'd be embarrassed if I was in front of a crowd. God. Sorry, it's gonna take me a second. I'm having problems, just move on, and I'll give you the damage in a second.

Game problems or life problems? A bit of both. Do you wanna talk about them? Yeah, they're one and the same. Do you wanna talk about it? Alright, so you're gonna give me damage someday. Ethel. In one second. Ethel, so you're gonna. Give me damage someday in one second That was your turn. Hey wake up

Getting way too attached to that cane. Where's my grad? I'll steal your wallet again I'm assuming I can flank with chicken eggs Is still an ally Is still part of the show it's so weird it like doesn't have a duration That's not a good sign so I'm not sure until up. What is it called a cantrip? It's one of my focus cantrips. Yeah, so maybe it's just, it's gone. Yeah.

Can't fucking flank with a chicken poon. You know what? I've done weirder things on this show. With poons. Oh, yeah. Yay. Spicy. Alright, sorry, 22 points. Oh, welcome back Joe.

Thank you. How many points of damage? 22. 22, what kind of damage was that? Bloodshedning. Interesting. Interesting. Does it seem to all go through?

Seems like it all went through. Do as much as you will. Ethel. 22 points of bloodshed. Ethel. 22 points of bludge. Ethel, what are you going to do, you coward? Alright, if this has an attack of opportunity, you can take one. It doesn't take it. Okay, so I'll flank with Aldo. I assume you have a melee weapon available? Or fists available?

Great. That looks convincing. It looks threatening to me. All right. First action stride up to get to Flanky. And my fist. With Aldo and then second action and third action. Double slice.

Frightened and off guard. Lowering its AC by three. Guidance. Natural 20. No! On the Warhammer. On the Hammer. On the Terror Doll! On the Warhammer. On the Hammer. To the Terror Doll.

To the Warhammer. And on the Hatchet, I use the Guidance. And that's gonna be a 30 to hit with the Hatchet. Miss with the Hatchet. Crit with a fucking one. With a minus three? So it's a 34 at least. AC.

Yeah, so Crit. Crit and a miss. Crit and a miss, I hate this game. We got a fan critical. Oh, fan critical. Yeah, fan critical. Anybody from Los Angeles? Critical threat, critical threat, critical threat. Oh my goodness, let's see if we got something juicy.

A melee draw. From LA. Oh. Is Johnny here from LA. Oh, is Johnny here from LA? Yeah! Yeah, Johnny! My man! Johnny! Johnny's wearing one of those sweet gauntlet hats. Yeah!

And now available in the merch booth. This one's called Break'em, John. You strike your target dead in the center of its face Breaking their nose and orbital bones or equivalent if not a humanoid. It's a dummy double damage and a fortitude save oh shit I will roll that save Since it is my job to do so what's your class DC f? Just make it up 31 31. Fortitude save, here it comes. 30. Jesus.

You gotta look. How do I just turn my pants on? It's right on the line. It's probably 31. Not knowing your class DC is like not wearing pants to work. It's not listed on my character sheet. It's not, it's not. Not listed, I mean carrying.

All right, well we figured that out. Let me deal with the other stuff. Double damage? Give me the double damage and then take the- Oh, here we go. Let's just add this on. No. Because it is bleed. No!

So is this creature subject to bleed? No. Then if it's immune to bleed, then it wouldn't do anything. Don't worry about it. Even on a failure. You feel as if this itch- Alright, sorry, Johnny.

Should make it bleed. It's okay. Still a great crit, still a great crit. It's a weird- Okay, 36 points of bludgeoning damage. Apes. 12 points of cold damage. Come on!

And please roll a fortitude sit. Oh. I already did. Again. Sit down. Another one. Sit down. We're two minutes into the show.

Stop peeing. It's unprofessional. I'll be finished in a second. 98 shows, I've never peed once. Couldn't get there anyway. Please let him go. So mean. Watch your mouth.

Don't begrudge the ambulatory. Fortitude save. Oh! How about a fucking 39, bro? Okay, you succeed, you're fine. No dummy fans? There's a couple Troy fans in the audience. Alright, so that's a ton of fucking damage.

Do you have another attack? No, that was reactions. That was reactions. Sugi. Alright, Joe, go pee. You're making me nervous. I'm afraid you're gonna like pee here. Just go.

You're making everybody nervous. Close to me. Joe O'Brien, everyone. Yeah. Don't ask why he took his drink with him. I know, it's very weird. Don't, I don't know. Very, very strange. Don't ask.

It's weird. There's a restaurant just as close as Devaka. Yeah. Put a dick on his computer. He has a very poor drug test. Find a big. He's like, take another one. Just put a bit test. Just google dicksticksdicks.com. And then set the screen saver.

And then he'll come back and just see cornucopia dicks. It's mostly dick sporting goods images. That's fine though. That's a good prank. A real light-hearted friend prank. He's more of a That'll show him. That's a good prank. A real lighthearted friend prank. He's more of a footlocker guy. That'll really get his goat. Yeah, it's like drawing a picture

of a sporting goods store on his forehead if he falls asleep. He's gonna come back and be like, I think my computer's hacked. What the fuck happened? All right, Suki is gonna cast Searing Light. You alright? Unless you have better things to do.

I could do something else. I could sing. I could uh... I'm not gonna. Alright, cast. I could sing too. We know your song. Stop. There's no more ham in the club. Got ham in the club.

What a weird... What a weird thing that we do. This is why I- People love this fucking song, man. I love it. I mean, I cannot explain what we do to anyone outside. What is the name? What is the last 30 seconds of this? What the fuck are we doing? It's really fun to try with like the other.

I'm an adult. I have a grown up job. I'm a grown up. I am in the club. Alright, roll the hit. Yeah, it doesn't matter. Suki cast a spell, it fucking missed, and she's gonna command Pepsi.

Yes, Samantha! And Pepsi is going to slither up Samantha Pepsi's name is Samantha oh really no sorry Samantha it just sounds like I say Samantha when I do my parcel tongue oh yeah every time and Pepsi understands all right Pepsi moves first action second action. Animal companions only get two, I don't know if you guys know this, animal companions only get two actions. No one ever.

No, they know it, they know it, Sydney. No one ever thought it was three. Nope, none of us. Well, hurry up and miss your attack so we can move on. Not me, yep, missed. And I feel like walking away also, but I don't have to pee, but I might just take a mental break back there

and come back. A mental pee. Yeah, let's do a mental pee. That's my turn. Girls don't pee. Smells like psychic urine back here. Speaking of psychic urine, it's the lead singer of Ham and the Club.

Yeah! I don't know! That's a weird. The lead singer of Ham and the Club. Yeah! Aldo! Casimir! Dun dun. Dun dun. You're never gonna hear that song the same way. Bum bum. Bum bum.

Gonna ham in the club. That's in my head now, man. I know! I knew it would happen! I knew! I knew the quality of the song. I knew when you did it that it was just gonna get funnier. Alright, so first thing I'm gonna do is... I wanna do an arcana check about this thing.

Yeah! To figure out what it's deal is. What's it's deal? Natural one. Do you have any false information? Some kind of lizard. It's out to getcha. Okay, so he's gonna take a step back with a second action. And then I'm gonna pull off my bendulia.

I'm gonna throw a greater lightning, bottle of lightning. Throw. At this so-called creature. Through a bottle of lightning of this creature. It's pretty good. That's a 36 to hit. Guys are rolling well enough to hit it, and that is a hit.

Oh! Oh! Bum, bum. Got a ham in the club. got a ham in the club. Ham in the club, hot. I brought a ham in the club. That's 30 points of damage. And it is flat footed until the beginning of my next turn.

To everybody? Yeah, to everybody. Alright, so's it went from frightened to to frighten one it will that frighten will go away at the end of its turn but now it is off guard as well as we go into round two and it's the dummies turn it's don't call stop talking to Joe that way that's not a fair the dead plus I don't think it's his turn. Not to mention, it's not his turn.

All right, man, natural twin. No, Father Pupples is not going. He's petrified and carrying a body of a man he had a complicated relationship with. Young teacher, young teacher, old school boy fantasies. What? Alright! I wish I had more enemies. Here's what we're gonna do. You have plenty. I don't know if you want any more.

Ha ha ha ha ha. What is my... Be careful what you wish for. Alright, let me see, I can do a this or a that or a John. Okay, let's do... John! John! Should I do a John?

John! Nah. I'm gonna do a that. Okay, yeah, here we go. 15 foot burst. All right, so... Yeah, let's fuck some people. Let me get my burst. I'm gonna put this in such a way. Oh, no!

What's that? I'm inlet! I don't like it. Are you allowed to hit the puzzle box? Can I get Atticus in there? I sure can no he's not in it So you're not well, let me just keep moving it now. You're in it and Aldo and Ethel father father bubbles completely safe So it just again this featureless crash-test dummy So it just, again, this featureless crash test dummy. The images are never good. But imagine it's like ancient looking. And it just like, closes in on itself, and this like dark shadow energy starts to rise up

from its feet, reach out over to an area that can attack all of you and shhhhhh attack an opportunity ohhhh no it's like a hit 28 how embarrassing everyone roll a

roll Everyone roll a... Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Not that I'm scared. What is it? It looks like shadowy stuff? Shadow energy. Yeah. Shadow energy. Yeah, it's like this blast of shadow. You might call it a shadow blast. Alright, I'm gonna also react,

and I'm gonna attempt to shadow siphon. So I'm gonna attempt to make the effect part illusory. Interesting. Yeah. So I need to do a counteract check okay against the my spell DC. Yeah against your spell DC exactly 32 that's a success yeah Okay, so yeah all right so I'm concerned about using this because I don't know if it does damage but if it does do damage everyone within the spells range takes half damage of whatever they roll it would do damage so you would do half

of what the actual would be yeah whatever a crit would be half right a crit would be normal damage. Normal damage, yeah. So it's like a step down basically. Okay, yes. If it's a basic save. Let's go around the horn here, since everyone was in it.

Aldo? That's a will save? Yes. 27. Fail. Ethel. 35. Success.

Eris. I use a reaction to recognize a spell spell because I have that in my spellbook Okay, is do you get you have to roll anything? I don't know. It's like success critical success You have to roll recall knowledge in the tradition of the spell if it's a higher level spell which it probably is If it's a lower level spell you know it automatically, but it's probably a level five spell So yeah, this is a level five spell that I'm casting, so. Yeah, I have it prepped also.

Fuck! Oh. Pissing my ass! What do I add? Don't worry about it. I rolled a natural two. How embarrassing. Anyway, it would have given me a bonus, but I already got one

because you were frightened against me today. So 36. Okay, success. Atticus. 29. Fail. And then Sooks Magooks. 22. Bigger Sookie. Fail. And a 33 for Pepsi success all right so those of you who succeeded you'll take half again right yes you'll take one quarter damage all right so you'll take eight points of damage amazing and those of you who failed would have taken 33 but instead you're gonna take 60 Atticus! Atticus! Atticus! Oh, I love that rat. For doing his job?

No. Oh my god. Next case. Can we just get you like a soft gavel Good job in fact with its final action looks like every guy that came to our show in Portland That's absolutely every single man if they owned a suit jacket, right? Right with its final action. It is gonna punch Ethel in the face 37 that hits Let me just find my d100

It's t100 damage? 13 points of bludgeoning damage. Shadow Blast. Shadow Blast. 13 points of bludgeoning. You guys are playing better than you've played in the last three years. Yeah, oh yeah. Across any show on the network. It helps when you can roll above a 10. Yeah. All right, this is a big round. It's Eris's turn. And I'm no longer frightened, but I am off guard from Aldo's bottled lightning.

Gritable lightning. Yes. Does this construct have a mind? You're just asking me like we're friends? So we're not friends? Couple old buddies just talking about monster stats? That's what I heard. How about you roll a check? I saw your wallet once. you did and that's why I left it in my bag tonight anyway It's full you know zero dollars

and an expired license That is sadly true How about our knowledge check Did I? Didn't you? No. No, I was skitted. Yeah.

I mean, if you had any indication from the creature's reaction to your fear, you would think it probably, I would think it has a mind. Right? It can't fear if it doesn't have a mind. Right? Yeah, it has the mental trait. The color of money over here. Thanks, Joe. Looks like you're my friend.

Well, we'll see. Wow. You do your thing and he's like, it's immune, you're gonna be like, god damn it, Joe. Um, she uses one action to cast Needle of Vengeance. On the target. She's going to name herself. If this construct attacks her again, hopefully it'll take 12 points of mental damage any time it takes a hostile action against me with a basic will save so the crash test dummy will take mental damage

Should it direct its attacks towards you egg? exactly I Like what you did there nice you guys like that here, you would. This town sucks. Wow. Whoa! Wow. You can do it. Wow. I mean, you can try. Do you have any more actions?

Yeah, I've got two more actions, and I'm gonna spend them casting. I can push this mic in your mouth. Sorry. What? I got two more actions, and they're to be spent casting mystic armor on myself. Okay. Shuang! Shuang!

Okay, let's put a little fucking Shuang on you. Shuang. Fascinated? I don't know. I want to put like, from that Shuang? I don't know how to use this program. How do I put a Shuang on a PC? Let me look up, let me look up Schwang.

Don't Google that. Stop. Wait, wait, Schwang. Is that the end of your turn? Yep, that's it. Okay, that didn't do anything. What? Alright, it's now somebody else's turn.

Atticus scram. Atticus scram. Do something cool. No. Oh. There's no turn. Atticus scram. Atticus scram. Do something cool. No. There's no time. I refuse. That would be antithetical to everything he believes in. Yes, I practice a very different kind of.

I am gonna do a recall knowledge on the creature. I wanna get a sense if it has any weaknesses. Okay. To any particular types of damage. Weak to love songs from the 80s. Okay to any particular types of damage weak to love songs from the 80s Goldism, what do you think I don't care okay? Okay, good enough. I think of 30. Oh nice. It is a

it is a creature known as a soul-bound shell and you realize like those who gave their lives in protection of this place must have like left their souls behind to protect it and should you err in finishing off the puzzle box they come to protect they are very dangerous creatures they do not have any weaknesses okay so but it seemed to be damaged by your the your frostbomb thing right you guys have been fucking it up Matthew did left and right frost yeah all right so I'm just gonna cast it's like dreadnoughts from 40k yeah I'm just gonna cast Frost. It's like Dreadnoughts from 40K. Yeah. I'm just gonna cast Frostbite then, Troy.

He just reaches out, holding up his staff. Like the old rat wizard that he is, and this cold, freezing air crackles around it, and I need a save. What kind? Whatever you want, I don't know. Fortitude, probably. You gonna tell me which one?

Fortitude. Fortitude. Must be tough controlling one character. Skid knows what's up. No, if it's cold, it's always... Fortitude probably. Can you tell me which one? Fortitude. Fortitude. Must be tough controlling one character. Skid knows what's up. No, if it's cold it's always... I got a lot going on here. All right. Here's the results of my save.

34. All right. That's a success. Half damage. I also, I should say this, I think I should be honest. Yeah. I needed to, I don't want to roll that many D4s, so I'm going to use a dice roller. So I went online to Google, and in my,

I'm in a weird mood, I'm tired. And I went to Google, dice roller, and I literally typed in dicks. And I got results. I got dick sporting goods pictures of my Google Chrome. Wait. Wait. This is so funny.

I can't even laugh. It's so funny. And he won't realize it until he watches the show back. Yeah. Why that's so funny. I'm just going to say, don't be too hard on yourself Joe I'll just say that key word being a hard-on Were you talking shit or something? No, they just like me. I'll tell you at the after party.

I love L.A. That's my guy. Oh, Joe, you're so funny. Seven points of frost damage. Seven points of frost damage. That dummy is cold. Ethel. Okay, Ethel, this creature is still off guard because of

Aldo right so I'm not yeah I'm not gonna reposition instead I'm just gonna go don't slice again but one natural one natural one natural three so 27 on the warhammer but 34 on the hatch all right All right, off guard, 34 is a hit. Yeah. All righty. That was a golf applause for that 34. That's a really good golf clap. Are you guys actors?

Oh, that is a... That was like sick. Oh my god, I felt like I was at a golf course. You should audition for the equalizer star in Queen Latifah. What the fuck? That is an excellent shot off the tee. That is right. I bet you they have a scene at a golf course.

That is right off the fairway. You're cast. All of you are cast for the golf scene. He is within one stroke of an eagle. 17 points of slashing damage. 17 points of slashing damage. 17 points of slashing, hello. And then I'm going to aid, I guess I'll aid Pepsi. Oh!

Oh! Thank you! Pepsi doesn't need any help! It's the most popular beverage in the Western Hemisphere. After like four or five others. I'm chilling. So I'll roll on her when Pepsi strikes. Yes. After like four or five others. Alright. So I'll roll on her when Pepsi strikes.

Well it is Suki's turn. Six. Six. Out of character, Matthew, are either of your weapons, they don't have runes, do either not have runes? Oh they have runes. Do they both have striking? They're so ruined up.

So complicated answer. So ruined up. Oh my answer. So ruined up. Can't you? The Warhammer has a striking rune, but because of my doubling rings, they effectively both have striking runes. Oh, I love that. It's the nerdiest thing you've ever said. The doubling rings are really sick.

I'm going to give them a wedgie. That was the least nerdy way to say the nerdiest thing you've ever said. The striking does not stack, correct? That was the least nerdy way to say the nerdiest thing we've ever said the Striking does not stack correct so if I give you a boon that has a plus one striking to your weapon You're not gonna get a plus two striking. I tried to Google it and I got confused You didn't Google dicks That's where dick that's ridiculous. She did earlier. Bottled cap please. Okay, that didn't work. Is that the end of your turn?

I don't think you've done anything for 20 rounds on this show, but damn it, you're entertaining. That's why I left the stage on her last show. You're like, well, I'm not gonna miss anything. You sound like my parents. Didn't do anything for 30 years, but boy, it's fun to watch you. I cast Suki, not Sydney, cast Haste on Ethel. Nice!

Good choice. And she says, you're a very good boy, Pepsi. Bite that mannequin. Pepsi's gonna attack the mannequin. I'll roll to aid you. I'll roll. You are using the action to command? Yes.

You could flank. It's off guard anyway, though, for me. It's off guard anyway. Yeah, okay. However, that's only a 29 attack roll to aid, so I think that's... That's good, that's a plus one. Okay. I know, that's a plus two, because 25 is crit.

Oh, great. Oh, perfect. All right, come on. I was thinking you have to hit the ace. DC 25. I'm going to roll. For you nerds at home. This beautiful die.

Just roll it. Just roll the dice. Everyone, everyone, I think I'm taking that one. I've got 17 more things I want to do tonight. nerds at home. This beautiful die. Just roll it. Just roll the dice. Everyone, I think I'm taking them. I got 17 more things I wanna do tonight. Just roll the dice. All right, here we go. No.

Why did I roll the prettiest die? You have to go in jail. Oh no. Bye. Question, was it a one? No. Okay. It's always the pretty ones.

It was the second worst one, a two. Double it. Aldo. Casimir. Aldo, Casimir. Say. Bum, bum. Uh, it is.

Oh. Bum, bum. Bum, bum. That's good, Pepsi could've talked again. Huh. I brought a ham. I brought a ham. I brought a ham and a club.

Okay, so. I'm. based on a true story. Yeah. So this Christmas, starting to best just alone as the hand. Oh my god. Sylvester Stallone is a character named Ham that you brought to the club! And introducing Skidmars himself. Can my I get in the club? Bum bum. So, on the heels of signing a gigantic record deal, Aldo is going to... I thought you were going to say Frank Stola. You guessed it. Frank Stola.

Aldo is going to go back to the old tried and true after having rested, he's going to throw another greater lightning bottle, greater, greater bottle of lightning. Yes. At this thing's feet. Try to trip it up. Crack, die.

Oh! Oh! Oh, 39 to heat. Oh. Hit. Nice. Oh! Oh! 39 to hit! Oh! Nice! Man, you guys are lighting it up. Uh, 32 points of damage. Nice!

Once again, flat footed. Wow. Fuck. So, my second to tick attack. You have more? Yeah! I'm going to throw. Throw? Throw. Aim. A moderate acid flask at this creature. That is a 25, which I'm sure, yes, but still takes five points of splash damage as do the three creatures surrounding it. Oh dear. Pepsi, Eris, and Ethel.

And it wasn't a critical miss, so that still would take the splash. Okay. Five points, seriously? Yeah. Yeah, you gotta take it. What a critical miss. So that still would take the splash. Okay. Five points, seriously? Uh, yeah. You gotta take it. What? So five.

Take it all. Okay. Take it all. And then, can I do... Ow! Sorry! And so, I would also like to do... I'm gonna do another Knowledge check.

So I did an Arcana before. Could I try... Would an Occultism check do another knowledge check. So I did an arcana before. Could I try, would an occultism check do anything? Would that, okay. All right. Did you succeed the first time? No, I failed. I rolled natural one. So, did you do, just a 34.

No, you can't do it. You failed. No, no, this is a different knowledge. All right. It's a different. You're gaming the refs here. It's not that, this is for the rules. Right?

Yeah. I believe you. Gross. Yeah. All right, what do you wanna know? I just wanna know any, sorry. I just wanna know any like resist sorry, I just want to know any like, resistances, weaknesses. It has none.

We already learned it had no weaknesses. I don't know if that changes what you want. You know, I'll tell you, it's immunities. It's immune to bleed, you knew that. Death effects, disease, doomed, drained, fatigued, healing, necromancy, non-lethal attacks. Necromancer. Paralyzed, poisoned, sickened, and unconscious. All right. That's really all I can give you.

Okay, I'm done. Round three. Oh. Reaches up with a snow face. Can't stare into that new face anymore. More blue light comes off of it. Come on. And peels towards Eris.

Take your attack of opportunity, Ethel. Come on, crit. All right, I'm rolling the die that I got from Alexi. Come on, interrupt it. This is a die that has been paired. This is the Ethel die that was paired with an Eris die. What? Oh, it must have been love.

You didn't say that. You didn't say that. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Ah.

Ah. Come on, crit. Cheater. Uh, okay. Natural 17. Okay. Okay. 41.

41. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! It's a hit. Okay. All right. 41. Whoa! It's a hit. Okay. Alright. It's flat footed. Check it and see. I checked it and I saw.

Alright. Okay. 29 points of bludgeoning damage and 6 points of cold. I saw! 29 points of budgeting damage and six points of cold. Heise! I've never enjoyed this game. Can't believe it's alive. Yeah, it's got a shit ton of hit points. This blue light comes towards you, Eris.

Oh my God, Ethel tried to save you. I need a fortitude save. Only if you ask nicely. Could I please have a fortitude save? Okay. 25? Oh no! Oh no! He's doing the evil grin! Oh no! You just failed against the spell... Disintegrate. BOLLCAP for that guy! Get him a fucking bolcap! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Pause. What? Ha ha ha. Here's what happens.

Wait. Probably nothing. Odds are you'll be fine. No, no. However, if I take you to zero hit points with this damage, you are a pile of dust. You're dust. Oh. You're dust. Oh!

You're dust. Thank God you didn't critically fail! But you haven't taken any damage thus far, except a little bit from the Shadow Blast, right? Yeah, a few here or there. Few, here, or there. That may or may not matter. Don't you have to make a spell attack rule

Shut your hooker mouth Yeah, I do I do I do I do and if I crit it's double damage Thank you. Thank you Matthew. Why did she make a fortitude save? I'm because you gotta make it It's if I hit she's got to make the board. Okay. why did she make a fortitude save? I'm confused. Because you gotta make a... It's the best pose. If I hit, she's gotta make the fortitude save. Okay, okay. You've already made the fortitude save. I feel like you're fucking cheating.

You didn't hit me yet. Let me roll to hit! I deserve a bottle cap for being lied to. Another spell that goes back to original Dungeons and Dragons. Yeah, it was a favorite of Metra. Matthew, I'm sorry I called you a hooker. You called me a hooker?

Shut up. No, he said you have a hooker mouth. It was way worse. Let me tell you something. If I crit on this hit. That's it. That's it. That's game for it.

Eris. I don't think so. We'll see at the after party. You'll be fine. It was actually very scary. If you kill my character, I'm taking that cane and shoving it. I feel like I need to roll. I don't have neon green.

All right, I'm gonna roll. This is the one that I've been rolling for a while. Haven't rolled it in the last couple shows. Androids and Aliens, Starship Combat, the one that had multiple 20s. Let's sit right here. That shit was just chain and 20s. I call it the chain gang

You're gonna watch my die What's your AC? I'll show you mine if you show me yours All right doesn't sound like a crit doesn't say I like a crit. He said no. My leg really hurts. That is gonna be a 30 to hit. Regular hit. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Your gym's name is going to fall over. I'm fine. Any second. Shut up, shut up. It's part of the tension. It's gonna collapse. 66 points of damage.

66 points of damage. I'm still up? Are you serious? Are you serious? Are you serious? Are you serious? Are you serious? 66 points of damage. I'm still up? Are you serious? It's embarrassing that you even thought. Who do you think I am? God, a nat 20 would have killed her.

Oh! Nail of Vengeance! I should have done it already! Cheating son of a bitch. You take 12 points of mental damage, roll a will save. You're dead, you're so dead. Roll a basic will save. I'm rolling it!

When you attempt to make damage on me. To make damage on me. That sounded so dirty. I rolled a 36. Regular success. What if it only has one hit point? It's so dirty. I rolled a 36 regular success What if you only had what if it only has one hit points of mental damage? Like you're speaking through an interpreter Wait six points of damage. Is that enough to kill it mental damage. It only had four hit points No! ["Bought a Hand to the Club"]

Bought a hand to the club. Bought a hand to the club. Bought a hand to the club. What? Bought a hand to the club. The screen is down. Action, Kate! Action, Kate! Action, Kate! Shut up! Action, Kate! Action Kate! The screen is down! Action Kate! Action Kate! Action Kate!

Action Kate! Action Kate! Shut up! Action Kate! I love the city! I love the city! And, and. I'll see you in Philly!

I'll see you in Philly so fast. Wait. You make your head spin. And hold on, just so we get this right. You are not. Let me just add back that. You are not taking 66 points of damage. Which is amazing.

Wait does that interrupt the jaunts? When you attempt to attack is the trigger. When you attempt. X go give it to ya. You're on your own. X go deliver. K go give it to ya Can't go give it to you. Yeah, does it interrupt it though when you attempt to make damage on me No one advise I wrote that when you attempt to make John me it says yeah

When you attempt to make damage on me, not for you being good, very good stop for you stop and me time. That's exactly what it says. It takes two mental damage any time it uses a hostile action. The target takes 12 mental damage any time. uses a hostile action mental damage listen time Let's just heightened all right to whatever any time it uses a hostile action against the named creature with a basic will save I think the hostile action goes off. Yeah, I think you're right

Yeah, so you take it doesn't say when you attempt right take your 66 points of damage I'm crying about any time it uses a hostile action against so rude We still win it's dead points of damage and stop crying about it. Anytime it uses a hostile action against an enemy creature. So rude. We still win, it's dead. Yeah! Always look on the bright side. I shouldn't have stood up, I hurt. It's worth it! Okay.

All right. All right. This soul-bound shell, the protector who gave his life Okay. Alright. Alright. This soulbound shell. Fuck! The protector who gave his life thousands of years ago to protect this place is now dead. Yeah, fuck him. Again. Again! You've turned two of the rings on this, Jon.

There's one ring left. Eris... ...failed with a 31. So like, I tried to do it and I didn't do it and because we defeated the guy, it didn't just let me have... What? All right, we'll work on it now.

I shot the guy with the Rubik's Cube that didn't solve the Rubik's Cube? Exactly. Atticus is going to attempt to. You're going to attempt a second check on the final concentric ring? Arm yourselves. Thank you, ma'am. I don't want to.

He's got a- Aldo. What? What? Oh, you're doing it again? Sorry, are we distracting you? It's a library. Quiet!

Aldo. Stop searching for dicks on the library computer. Stooky. Stooky. Can you heal me? Oh, girl. Are you okay? I'm hurt do it. Suki. Can you heal me? Oh. Girl. Are you okay? I'm hurt, girl. I don't feel too good.

Yeah, that was really fucked up. Of course I will heal you, come over here. Okay. And she puts on her healer's gloves and I'll just use a spell I get. We're out of combat, but. Thanks, golden girl. No, I'll just do treat wounds.

I'll do it. Roll the actual healing. I don't want to. You casual player. Make healing on her. I'm making healing on you. Make healing on her. Make some healing on her body. Yeah.

So it's over 20, hold on. It's just 10, two. Shut up. Oh no. ten, two, shut up. Oh no. Oh no, oh no, Sydney's doing math. Look at them team up to do this simple math. I rolled so bad.

Two people did this. It's like working with my daughter. 21. She's in third grade. Oh, thirty-one. Sorry, thirty-one. It got hard because it went into the double numbers. That's fucked up. Oh my god.

Seven, carry the one. Another 48. So 31 and then 10 minutes later 48. Is that good? Are you better? So 79. Yep. Wow. What are you in fourth grade? That's exactly what I needed. What? That's exactly what I needed. Thank you.

What? Stop. Sydney, you might be the most beloved professional role player who is so candy-capped by basic math. It's because I'm so good at so many other things. Yeah, yeah. We love you, Carl. It's just. That's like Superman's week to kryptonite, but people love him. Yeah, that's exactly what it feels like to me being bad at math. Thank you, Skid.

Thanks guys. Need that. So how many points did you heal her for? 79. How long did it take? 20 minutes. That's math! All right, so you're back to full. Yeah.

Okay. 79. She could do 79 points of healing, O'Brien. Yes, because I crit on both, because I can raise my DC level, and my medicine is like 24, it's like plus 24. Yeah. I crit all the time. When she retrained, yes.

It's child's play. Yeah. She crits all the time. And she takes her gloves off. That was nothing, that was like not even. Did gloves come off? Yeah, not important. I tuck them away. Are're checking your sports scores while yes

While she did that Atticus treated wounds on himself. Oh And got 19 back alright, so and I'll do it I'll do the same on myself during that same time everyone gather close. Oh no 20 You all get one hip point right? All right, I'll. I'm exhausted. Let us finish this final ring together. I will attempt to aid you. Arcana?

Yeah, an arcana, and you execute the check. All right, let's see if you can aid DC 15. 26. All right, so that's plus 2 to your tech. That is a 33. Larry. Larry. Automatic crit.

Atticus aids Aldo in trying to turn this final concentric circle of creation and destruction into place. Sh-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka- moment a strange grating sound echoes from within the room from within the floor the walls the ceiling and all of a sudden this box just starts to show show like flap open slowly expanding outwards that was a good place for that alright that was actually good I That was good. Let's go to the follow-up. I think our mics picked that up. Schwump, schwump, schwump, schwump, schwump, schwump. It starts to expand open with a low hum. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

To form a one foot tall, 10 foot wide platform with a five foot square entrance. Oh. on the surface of this thing. On the top of it? On top of it. Down. And you look in, it's just totally dark, obscuring any sight into this extra-dimensional space. Oh, a calorado space. Oh my god.

What is it? What is it, Father Bubbles? The soul. It's the entrance to the soul. I thought it would be the eyes. No, no. No, no, the eyes are the windows. You don't go through it be the eyes. No, no. No, no. The eyes are the windows. You don't go through it through the windows.

You do if you love them enough. And they've changed the locks. Yeah, no shit. I'm so sad. Everyone has such sad backstories. I know, he's the most divorced character in the history of roleplay. You freak of divorce. Look at that. When I was a boy, my mother would read me stories.

Nursery rhymes. About the gremlins and trolls that lived within the soul of the Mysterium. She was a drinker. I don't think any of that is in there. I should call her. Never would I have thought I would laid my eyes upon the entrance to the soul. We must tread lightly, my friends. For within that extra-dimensional space lies the Keeper. Oh, right. Yes, for over a thousand years they have been tasked with guarding over those tomes that man should not see, waiting for the day that the keepers tell the keeper to destroy those tomes for good.

They say a past elder bargained with the forces of heaven to secure the service of this immortal protector, knowing that the Miserium would one gremlins and drones. Lie within. Atticus is going to unload a crossbow bolt into his neck. Just like right after that thing. Christ, I'm so sick of it. Father. Yes? The guardian is inside. Father, you have helped us immensely, truly. Call him, please. We've been through much. Call me Dick. Don't speak. I could understand if a man in your position needed to take Elder Luthien and leave the Mysterium. Now that the wards are back up, it's safe for you.

And this, quite frankly, is not your fight to fight. It's not your fight to fight, it's ours. And though I do appreciate your companionship, and how close we've grown. Suki's hands tremble as she touches the open chest of father dick bubbles. The perspiration from the room, the stale hot air, makes a friction between his chest hairs and the palms of her hands.

Watch out for my weird ab. I know, this weird indentation of my torso. A finger traces the weird ab. Yes. That is the house of my sins. Yes. Ha ha needed to leave now. Suki, my love. Oh wow, wow.

Wow, Suki says wow. Wow. Wow. You got love bomb by Dick Bubbles. Yes. And you know what? Feels good. Kind of like it. The last time we rested

I prayed to my god Nethus And he told me She Who the hell did I talk to? I'm dying of laughter. I had a little too much of the sacrament. It's unclear... ...the source of the voice, but I heard someone say... ...stay with Suki till the end.

Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I took that as a sign that I should stay with you. Really? Till the end. She's still eating! She's still fucking eating his fucking snacks over there. While he's saying this to you, is Suki eating a fucking martini olive?

We're taking a break. Yeah, she is. She puts them on her long nails like their little toothpicks. She pulls them off. Really? Your god told you that? Yes, someone. Now I'm questioning everything.

Yeah, I tried this strategy last time Trying to get me to sleep the point is when elder fear came to me and said That a group of strangers needed help to cleanse this place. I Knew that it was my calling to see this through to the end. Oh, okay. Yeah, fuck it, whatever. Let's go. I guess let's fucking go. Ethel puts father bubbles in his sleeper hold. Ethel!

It's sworn so good. Ethel! He's unsafe down there. It's for all of us. Shh, shh. Ethel, he's asleep. That's enough, he's asleep. Sleep now. You're kidding me. Is he asleep forever?

No. Heather. Whatever we pay you, it's not enough. By the way, can I say something real quick? I'm just sitting here laughing my ass off, listening to you guys. I'm remembering back to when we had our home game, playing Jade Region and everything. It's so fucking funny. You guys are making me laugh so much.

We're having so much fucking fun. We're saying, I think other people would also like enjoy this, you know? And it's like, it's so, it's warming my heart right now to like, be here, like see, just, I don't know. Like there's something about this moment, like maybe realize, like this dream is realized. It's just like, we're like sitting around,

like watching. Cause of them. And, and then to find find other like-minded people, like Kate and Sydney and Paula and Jared who are here, like other people feel the same way. And it's like, I don't know, there was just something, there was an epiphany that happened while I was sitting here, and it just made me very emotional

and I'm sorry. No, I love it. here just like made me very emotional and I'm sorry but no I love it that's a special moment bottle cap we all get bottle caps before going into the scary hole bottle cap wow that is nice of you father bubbles hits the floor and smashes his head. Oh, fuck. Oh, shh. He's bleeding. I arrange his sleeping body next to Elder Lothine and say, all right, let's go. Before he wakes up.

Rest, sweet prince. We leave a little note. We leave a note on parchment paper. Left you, we're downstairs, good luck. For your own good. Sorry your own good sorry his name etc etc money on counter heirs could have done this at any point but she casts gentle repose she's dead he's dead well it makes them rot slower right no if he's dead yeah father dick will live forever okay no easy father is just

unconscious elder the theme is very very dead why isn't the spell working you put No, if he's dead, yeah. Father Dick will live forever. Okay. No, he's a, Father Dick's just unconscious. Elder Lathine is very, very dead. Why isn't the spell working? You put a sleeper hold on Father Dick. You lay him gently down, next to the body of Elder Lathine, cast gentle repose on Elder Lathine, and you all step through the portal.

Let's go to a new man loading the soul. Loading the soul sounds like the name of my next album. Yeah. Oh, what the shit. Oh wow. Let's talk about this room. What the hell? Just as father Dick said.

This place is weird. You find yourself as you step through this floating portal, this pitch black opening, it feels cool to the touch as you go through. The faint smell of burning parchment teasing the nose from some far away place. Darkness washes over you as you step through and float light as a feather and land in this massive stone room. This vast stone chamber is lit

with large burning braziers set in nooks in each of the four corners. A number of grand podiums are set throughout the room, holding enormous books and other massive tomes hang from the ceiling on iron chains like condemned prisoners. Yes. Despite the burning fires at the corners of the room the air feels cool and crisp and this scent of old books and flickering flame hangs in the air. Smells like powells.

The walls of the chamber are built of what appears to be sandstone that has been polished to be as smooth as glass. The floor is tiled and a depression in the center of the chamber sits two feet lower than the outside edges of the room. It's like a sunken living room. Yeah. Yeah. Like in the Brady Bunch. A conversation pit. Which is bad luck. I heard it's bad luck. The braziers. Bad luck? The Brady Bunch is bad luck? A sunken living room is bad luck. What? That and birds. Look it up. Wait, just... Birds?

Yes, if you have a sunken living room and a bird flies into your window, you should kill yourself. Wait, what the fuck are you talking about? It's like double bad luck. But birds aren't real. True. Do you say birds aren't real? Yeah. Yeah. Wait, does everyone think birds are like,

no, there's a whole government agency? Birds aren't real. Birds aren't real, it's a whole, we can get into it after the show. We'll explain it to you later, Grandpa. Oh. Oh. Here's another thing.

Hey! You have your conspiracy theories, I have mine. Birds are very real. One ate a crumb from my scone today. Here's another thing, these vegetables don't exist. Oh, here we go. I'm gonna make you a vegetable in about two seconds. Let me finish this flavor text. Walls smooth as glass, braziers magically enchanted

to provide an everlasting source of fuel to the otherwise mundane fires that crackle within. You look around this room, books everywhere, but the books that really jump out at you are the ones that are hanging from the ceiling. And as you stand there and take the room in This like other reality overlaps the reality that you're viewing and You see all of these books Hanging except one hook that has nothing on it and then suddenly a book materializes on that hook and you see a hand reach up to pull at the hook so that the book descends. In Aldo and Atticus you

recognize the man that the hand belongs to as Count Hazerton Laus. Oh my god! This man pulls the chain, grabs the book, regards it like it's the greatest piece of knowledge he's ever glimpsed. Then he reaches into his coat and he pulls out a scroll and he unfurls the scroll and begins reading from it holding the scroll in one hand, the book in the other. Fireball! It's just like a complete nonsense James Bond situation. And vanishes in a flash of magical energy. So that was the cut scene and we couldn't do anything? It's the real cool video game you're running here, Troy.

So is that what this empty chain is right here? Yes. But just as quickly as he disappears, the scene in front of you and around you and within you changes again. And now you see in the distance, not this room, not this man, not these chains, not these books, a steel walled cylindrical building brimming with gnolls. building brimming with gnolls. Oh Aldo you feel your stomach drop what because you know you've been there in this tower of gnolls and then somewhere within this tower far away you hear a voice a voice that seems to be directed at all of you a voice a whisper that you've heard for at all of you, a voice, a whisper that you've

heard for a while now. You heard it outside of the walls of, what was that fucking guy's name? My acne and mun's house. And the voice says, come. He may have the tome, but it's not too late. Come now. The vision fades again and you're back in this room and standing before you within the depression in the room is a massive humanoid creature with no mouth Carrying a burning sword that matches its flaming winds It's wearing like a Greek toga and has a halo flowing above its head

It is hunched ever over, like ever so slightly, like it's in pain, like, like you. Like this, yeah. Like you literally every day of this trip. It's carrying a flaming cane. Yeah, look at it with this flaming cane. It's just like this, and it just like goes, ah!

Its wings come out in flames, and it looks at all of you. It looks like, motherfucker, come on, foundry, at all of you, it looks like, Motherfucker, come on, Foundry, you piece of shit, work! The asshole sponsor. User error. User error. Looks like this?

Whoa, my god. Yo, he's real big. Oh! Roll for initiative. Oh no! No! No! Yo, he's real big. No! No! No! Oh. Roll for initiative. No! Oh no! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, You should have brought Father Dick. Yeah, he would have helped us. Athel, what'd you get?

I got a 23. Oh! And, um, here is my attempt to demoralize. Yeah, please demoralize the Burning God. Oh no. I do not demoralize him. What a shame. Good try.

Aldo? 24. 24. Moralizing what a shame Good try Aldo 24 24 For I've never rolled well an initiative for Aldo. No Eris, oh, I'm sorry. It was a 25 for me. I forgot my boss Forgot to carry the two I get my battlefield surveyor You're making it worse, dude. I get a plus two circumstance bonus to perception when rolling.

Don't tell him about your doubling rings again. Plus two. Shut up, man. Eris. Oh, 35. Okay, do you want to roll? And I would like to battle cry as well. Battle cry all you you want to roll? Damn. And I would like to battle cry as well. Yeah.

Battle cry all you fucking want. 36? No! No! No! Fail. Shit! Whoa.

Fail against its will DC. Oh. Which lets you know that it has at least a plus 26 to its will. Okay, this is... We should leave. Atticus Grim! There's no door! 34. Initiative.

Oh dear. Suki? 35. What? 35. Same as Eris. 35. What? 35. Same as Eris. Yeah, girl. 35. Okay. Ladies, who would like to go first?

Oh, you beat the demon from hell. I think he's from heaven. From heaven, actually. We were the ones from hell. I don't know what you want to do, but maybe we should delay? Do what? What?

Delay? Oh, delay. Delay. Delay. Delay. Delay. Delay. I don't know what you want to do, but maybe we should delay? What? Do what? What? Delay? It makes me nervous that he's not going first, because there's no fucking way we beat that initiative. So I think he's delaying, but I don't know why.

And he's not on the tracker. Well I'm like, should we not attack? Because we didn't do anything wrong. We didn't take the book. I'm not gonna. Do a check. Yeah, why don't I. This enormous creature.

I don't want to attack it. I'm gonna do a check. Yeah, I'm gonna do a vibe check. And. Okay, Suki. So you're gonna go first and roll a vibe check. Knowledge five. I'm gonna do.

How many points did you put into vibe? Can I do a, I'm gonna do perception vibe. Can I do a, I don't wanna do perception, maybe like a. Relige. Yeah, I'll do a relige. Relige. Okay, a little relige. Check. I'll do a cult. You're gonna do a cult? I'll do a cult. Cool.

Wanna roll. It's not your turn. Wanna roll at the same time? No, you can't do it. Stop! Different turns. This isn't some schoolyard. The girls go to the bathroom together. That is true, Troy, you can't deny that that's true.

That doesn't factor in. I rolled bad. Okay. A 25. First action, fail. Second action. Second action, she would like to free action, say... Oh, God.

I don't see. She would like to free action. She loves to invent actions that she can do. Don't let him fool you, girl. Do what you want. This is what she would do. She says, we're here for the man who stole the book. We're not here for you. It has no mouth and cannot speak. And then I would like to cast Enlarge on Ethel

as my last direction. Oh! Big Ethel! Do you enlarge all of him? Yeah! Do you? Well, maybe he'll be in proportion. I was gonna say it's...

What? Hello! No, I was gonna say it's Now I was gonna say it's proportional so nice whatever it is. It's normal. It's all normal, but bigger all right So you make him large yeah, so I want to point out. There's a small child in the audience It's been a joy. There's a tired thing. I audience. Yeah. He's been enjoying this entire thing. I assume, Janko, you've been enjoying this whole thing. Trying to keep it as clean as possible. I make him large.

He grew up tonight. More ways than one. But here's the downside. You're clumsy one. Sorry. Your reach is increased by five or by 10. Or no, your reach is increased by five. You gain a plus two status bonus to melee damage,

yeah, so you're large. But your clumsy one, which is fine, it's like deck saves, range stuff, so it shouldn't hurt you too bad. All right, so your clumsy one and large, I can't figure out how to do that, so. Eris, would you like to go? I would like to make a knowledge vibe check, please.

Okay, give me a vibro. A cultism? Sure. Oh, no! No! Perfect. Perfect. The screen is down.

The shields are down. You may start your landing. Oh, thanks for distracting me. Eris, you turned off your targeting computer. Thanks for distracting me. Thank you for distracting me while I did all that big math. Forty? For what?

Did you hit him? I'm pissing myself right now. Forty. This is a creature known as a broken soul, extender archon. An archon! Oh! Oh! It's like a fallen angel.

Okay. Okay. Okay. What would you like to know? You want to know immunity? All of the above? All right, 40's pretty good. Here, I'm just gonna fucking rock and roll here.

It's immune to fire. Oh, okay. Is it potentially nice to us if we don't fight? You know, you'd think maybe at another place in time you could sit down and have a coffee with this guy. No, he isn't a mouth. But, right, he just pours it on his head enema however as

You've seen thus far in your exploration the Mysterium lousiest presence fucked everything up So if he came here took the network necronomic on the fucking war and disappear you did you did you did? I know but the keeper Has been bastardized know. But the keeper has been bastardized. Damn it. They call him the keeper. Alright. He's been searching low and high. So you said he's immune to everything and weak to nothing? He's immune to fire, weak to nothing.

Weak to nothing, immune to fire. Got it. I tell everyone this and I cast haste on Ethel Anybody else's hernia mess just pop all right, let's move on to Atticus Why don't you just go never get. We can finish the show without you. Go! Oh my gosh. Jesus. Jesus Christ. Atticus, you're up. It's Atticus' turn in a move of spectacular cowardice

and self-preservation. He will immediately cast invisibility cloak on himself and run away. Yeah! The real hero. So he's going to move actually to the southwest in order to reposition himself but hopefully be invisible. Like there? Right there. Can you not see him when I make him invisible? Yeah, you did, but I just moved him one more square down.

Okay. Cool. Cool. Now I don't see him. Is that intentional? Uh-huh. Okay. It's time for the keeper.

All right. It's keeper o'clock. No mouth. Yet as it rears its head back a an unholy whale emits from it like 60 foot emanation. Everybody give me a will save. This has to be a fear effect. Wait. Yeah, fear effect. Yes. Okay. Oh, Wait. Yeah, fear effect? Yes. Okay. Oh. Let's go. I fear not. I shall defeat it. It definitely doesn't matter.

Alright, let's take it around the horn starting with Suki. I took it out of the trash. Cause I thought it would be fake. That side was trash. Just do that. I don't know. I rolled the same exact thing. I rolled another fucking two on another will save. That's a 24. Wow.

I did so bad. Wait, let me roll for Pepsi. Just in case that is bad too and I cry. That one's not great. It's a 30. We are scared. I meant to do the Sydney math thing. I didn't. 39 for Pepsi. I think Pepsi's fine. 39 for Pepsi. Yeah, 24 for Suki. Okay. Okay

Atticus Atticus Grimm Atticus Grimm was your role Atticus Addis can you tell me the result? What are they? What are you roll? Atticus? Addis, can you tell me the result of your roll? Wait, what are you doing? Joe? What's happening? Sydney has something she'd like to say.

Yeah, I was wondering. I got nervous because you played the drop and then I sped the math. I did, I played the wrong drop. Don't let the drop throw you off. I know, it's a 29, not a 39 for Pepsi. I made a mistake. Minor difference.

When you play the drops, I get even more scared and my math goes out the window. No, no, I know. That's why it's like if you're nervous about your ability to do math, and then one of your friends makes a song about how you're bad at math, and one of your other friends starts playing it whenever you're being bad at math. And people around you sing it quietly when you're trying to count in your head. Don't you hate when that happens? It affects your... Shockingly, it doesn't make you better at math. And people around you like sing it quietly when you're trying to count in your head. Yeah. Don't you hate when that happens? That's the evil in.

You're, shockingly, it doesn't make you better at math. It affects your ability to do math. That's what I'm saying. It takes me right back to the sixth grade when I started being bad at math. Bad at math. You were good in fourth grade? Let me guess. Wow. Did Pepsi die?

Maybe. Atticus got a 37. Nice. Eris. Eris got a 32. Egg got a 21? Oh, that's bad. Ethel.

Just checking that no bottle caps were awarded for any of our fun roleplay. Correct. You were so funny tonight. any of our fun role play. Correct. You were so funny tonight. Yeah, we were really good. Correct. We've been carrying, I'd just like to point out that some of us have been doing, you know, we're trying to help you up here in your immense pain.

Just trying to give you something to play off of. I will say, Matthew is a very sweet soul. He carried my bag at the airport. Yeah, he, he, It's like a baby Bjorn, he, he, uh. It's like a baby Bjorn. He was carrying his bag. He carried it like a baby Bjorn. I walked you up the ramp.

No one else did. Yeah, Kate did walk with me up the ramp. I called you a lift for a four minute walk. He called me a lift for a four minute walk. Yesterday we went to a restaurant and they carried me like an injured football player, a block and a half. Yeah. Because I couldn't walk. And I, he tried to get to the club the other night, and I brought him a ham

That's how you know a true friend We will not have any monetization of this video on YouTube We will not have any monetization of this video on YouTube. No, I know. Do you tell me the result of your check? 25. Oh. Okay. And finally, Skid.

27. 24. Oh my god. Did I roll the highest? This was really bad. Atticus and Eris are frightened one. Okay. That condition will not go down automatically

at the end of each round. As long as you stay within 60 feet of this creature. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Same thing for Suki, Pepsi, Ethel and Aldo. Wait, what? Except you're frightened too. Oh my god. Oh no.

Egg is frightened three. Oh my god. Ethel immediately becomes frightened one. Oh! Because of bravery. Well, good for you. I'm not scared So that was one thing that scares me

Being alone the possibility of a restraining order So just to clarify for everybody from the creature to the farthest possible corner of every corner of the room is 55 feet. Ah. Thank you, Davey Maps. We have Davey Maps to blame for this? Son of a bitch, Davey Maps. I trusted you. You arrogant ass.

You've killed us. With its final action. Are you quoting The Hunt for Red October? Is that The Hunt for Red October? Is that The Hunt for Red October? Yes. Yes it is. With its final action, it swings a longsword at Suki from 15 feet away. Jesus Christ! Flaming longsword!

He fucking might! Wait, let me get a big fucking crusher die here. Okay. I'm feeling a crit. I'm feeling it. Okay. That's gonna be a 38. That is a crit.

Oh! Critical threat, critical threat. Don't play the drive! We have the contractually obligated to play the drive. Critical threat critical threat To play the drug That is gonna be This is so awesome Party healer party healer

60 points of piercing damage. Okay. Plus. 12 points of fire damage. Okay. Shab-oam! You feel good about yourself? Yup.

Ethel's turn. Could you make me big, please? Come here. Maybe the IPA talking. Show me what you got. Okay, but I'll need a lot of beer. Yeah, I'll try to make you big. I'll make you so big. Okay.

Okay, Ethel will move up to the creature while you make me big. I'll step down into it. Stop saying that. I'll step down into it. Stop saying that. I'll step down into the sunken living room. Okay. And then I'm going to double slice. Because what else am I going to do?

Brett. Okay. I could have rolled numbers that were higher than 10. Uh-huh, but you didn't. I didn't. That's a 33 on the Warhammer and a 23 on the Hatchet. Miss miss. Yeah, okay and then for my final action because I'm quickened from the haste I am going to attempt to aid Aldo.

Okay. Very good. I'll make it big as soon as I can. It's Aldo's turn. Oh, reminder. Thank you for the reminder. All right, so Aldo is... That's a 31, so I believe that's a plus two. That's, yeah. All right, so Aldo is... That's a 31, so I believe that's a plus 2. That's... yeah.

Alright, so Aldo is justly terrified. I don't... how deep is the second living room? Two feet. So you can just step in and step out, no problem. Okay, so that should be... I don't think this thing should get cover at all, right? I am large. Oh, no, you're right.

If he wasn't large. But I also, the square, I'm, yeah, I don't know. Alright, so, regardless. Irregardless. Ah, nails on a chalkboard. I'm going to move down to, oh there we go. Yeah. Ba da da da. I'm so proud of myself to... Oh, there we go. Yeah! Ba-da-da-da-da!

I'm so proud of myself that I've been in this. Inic Chalk! Inic Chalk! Okay, so Aldo is going to move to the south, and then he's gonna scramble over, and then he's gonna throw... Goes to the old trite and true! Gonna throw!

I... Great-a... Light... I can't remember the name of this fucking thing that I do every single time. goes to the old tried and true. Gonna throw a greater light. I can't remember the name of this fucking thing that I do every single time. The greater lightning bomb. Bottle of lightning. Greater bottle of lightning.

Bottle of light. Fuck, 24. Plus two. 25, six. 26 is a critical miss. Alright. So that's no damage to anyone. And with my third action, I'm going to throw a moderate Lightning Bomb. I'm going to try.

And another critical miss. Wow. Round two. Suki. We're just talking. Yeah, you should. Is it my turn? Yes, you're Suki.

Oh, I didn't realize you were talking to me. You play Suki on this show. I wasn't listening. I was very worried. I need to heal. Okay. Yeah, this is a good time to heal. Yeah, this sucks. All right, yeah, Ethel's in front of her.

She is going to... She wants to still be in range in case she needs to heal other people, but she's hurt. So she's gonna take... She's just gonna move five feet back next to Pepsi to get out of range of this guy's sword. And man, this sucks, but I'm gonna cast a fourth level heal on myself.

That doesn't suck, that's amazing. No, it's just I'm worried about everyone. Well, you need to stay out first. Yeah, yeah, that's true. I'm so worried about everyone else that I'm gonna about everyone. Well, you stay up first. Yeah. Yeah, that's true I'm so worried about everyone else and I'm gonna benefit myself in this moment Oh, I'm so worried as I grab myself and heal myself. Good luck out there Yeah, I heal myself and Pepsi. Oh man Pepsi

Stinky, baby. He's not he's so unuseful in this but he is going to you can flag he's gonna move he can't he doesn't have enough movement to flank but he's making his way that's it's like he gets one it's one action because I didn't command him so he's just gonna move his movement speed. He's gonna die. Oh that poor snake. I'm trying. No, you're doing great. The snake isn't right. I know, I'm like, I feel bad.

You're doing great, the snake's a piece of shit. That's it for Suke's. That's it for Suke's. Eris. Eryx. Eryx. So, when I did that knowledge check, do I know if this thing has the holy trait? Glad you asked that. Well, the unheard is a fallen angel. Oh.

It does not. Oh, it doesn't? Are you sure? It's a cool question. Alright. Shit. Sounds real sure. I don't see that trait on my character sheet. Well I'm definitely going to at least spend an action to move 25 feet away.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right there. For the listening audience at home, it's right there. I can see it in my mind's eye. I move 25 feet away, and then I'm going to shit. Oh, no, wait. That's two actions.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait. Go back up to the room above us. Yes, wait. She goes wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, We'll just take out this ruler right here. Is this fun for you guys? Watching me take out the ruler and move? Do you like it like this? If I just move the ruler out? Like this? Okay, listen. Anyway. Oh yeah, the ruler's kind of fun. She's going to move and then cast Spirit Blast. Ooh.

Oh, okay. What do I roll? A basic fortitude save, please fuck me. Ya basic. Please fuck me? That was bad. I probably should... please roll one. You're a married woman.

Oh. Middling roll. 43. How's a 43 suit ya? Urrsss. What does it mean when it's a critical success means you do nothing That's all right. That was just a six level spell slot. Oh This is gonna be bad Bad fine Atticus is going to invisibly. He's going to sneak up past Aldo and next to Ethel. Right in between them, there's a spot

in between the two of them. He's still invisible. He'll sneak up between the two of them and he's got this staff in his hand and he's just going to reach out and try to offer some protections. So he's going to say, you need to survive this, Ethel. Aldo!

And he'll reach out and with his staff, touch Ethel, and then touch Aldo, and cast Resist Energy Fire on both of you. Oh shit! And you'll have 10. Resist Energy Fire, 10. Oh, 10! On who?

On Ethel and Aldo. Both of us. That's fucking, that's cool as shit. Yeah. On Ethel. That's from the greater elemental staff. That's fucking, that's cool as shit. Yeah. On Ethel, that's from the greater elemental staff. That's great. That was a really good move.

Yeah. Hell yeah. Because. What rank of the spell is that? Fourth. Because it is the Keeper's turn. And the Keeper, with its non-sword hand, points a finger at all of you and a little piece

Comes over and explodes in a way that will catch everyone except Pepsi And except father dick catch everyone except Pepsi. What? Yeah! And except Father Dick. This is a fireball spell being cast at seventh level. Jesus. And that's the end of the show everybody. Thank you for coming! To Los Angeles! What the hell!

Are you fucking kidding me? Thank you LA! LA! Thank you LA! Get out of my life! We love you guys! We love you guys! We love you guys! We'll be back!

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