The Golden Hour - A New Direction | The Golden Hour #22 w/ Brendan Schaub, Bryan Callen & Chris D'Elia

Episode Date: March 31, 2023

Bryan Callen crashes The Golden Hour and the guys talk Bryan's new found fame after joining Steven Crowder's Louder With Crowder show, Chris' trip to Texas and new cabin tattoo, hottest accents, Joe Rogan's new Comedy Mothership club, their biggest insecurities and much more! DraftKings - Download the DraftKings app and use promo code GOLDEN Call [phone] or visit gamblinghelplinema.org (MA), Gambling Problem? Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY), If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling 1-800-GAMBLER (1-800-426-2537) (CO/IL/IN/LA/MD/MI/NJ/OH/PA/TN/WV/WY), 1-800-NEXT STEP (AZ), 1-800-522-4700 (KS/NH), 888-789-7777/visit ccpg.org (CT), 1-800-BETS OFF (IA), visit OPGR.org (OR), or 1-888-532-3500 (VA). 21+ (18+ NH/WY). Physically present in AZ/CO/CT/IL/IN/IA/KS/LA(select parishes)/MA/MD/MI /NH /NJ/ NY/OH/OR/PA/TN/VA/WV/WY only. VOID IN ONT. Eligibility restrictions apply. Bonus bets (void in MA/NH/OR): Valid 1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min $5 pre-game moneyline bet. Bet must win. $150 issued as six (6) $25 bonus bets. Bonus Bets are non-cashable and cannot be withdrawn. Bonus bets must be wagered 1x and stake is not included in any returns or winnings. Bonus Bets expire 7 days (168 hours) after being awarded. Promotional offer period ends 5/28/23 at 11:59PM ET. See terms at sportsbook.draftkings.com/basketballterms.  

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Minimum age and eligibility restrictions apply. See show notes for details. Get a gut profile done and see if there's a prevalence of a certain kind of bacteria, and that could be an autoimmune disease, and maybe you have some psoriasis going on. Is this obnoxious? Nothing can stop us. It's like a show you use the love. Just rebrand it enough.

It's stronger, better, bigger power. Because it is the Golden Hour. It's the Golden Hour. My nose is so dry. Because, well, it's springtime, Daddy I guess so Hey, Chin, what's up, dude? Not much, dude Crazy week, huh?

Yeah, you know what? Yeah, yeah, yeah Starting out with a bang You know what? I realize right now I've never been this close physically to Chin He smells good, right? In my life

Yeah, he does, yeah Thank you He really does, yeah He really does smell good And he don't realize how big he is No, he's big, dude I'm pretty big Especially for a Korean You're a big. Yeah, he does. Thank you. He really does. Yeah, he really does smell good. And he don't realize how big he is. No, he's big, dude. I'm pretty big, especially for a Korean.

You're a big guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Eric passed away, right? Yeah. No, we're going with a different direction. We go like this. We go like this. You know what?

We were all having a conversation, me and Brendan and Eric, and it was fine. Everything was good. And I was just like, you know what? Fuck Eric. We hung up and we haven't talked to him again. No, I killed wow i tell you that when you got off the phone i drove to his house and killed him i did not know that no we're like the oscars man we're just trying to diversify here right black guys two whites right well right two whites well we got so we're trying to what we did was we got rid of eric who is at you know he is black yes but he's also something else is he i

don't know he's half black and half white he's also something else. I don't know. He's half black and half what? He's half white. Okay, so that was too much white. We need to get rid of the whiteness. Yeah, it was too much white. So we got full not white. Full not white. Born in Korea.

Full. From Korea. Not American. Did you know that, dude? All American citizen. I thought so, yeah. I guess I didn't technically know that, but if you had asked me. We're like the Oscars, dude.

I know. Just trying to check all boxes trying to well it was podcast all boxes it was podcast to white and now it's uh not it's not too white i mean it's a little still a little white i'm white and you're you're white i guess even though you don't look white he does not you do not look white i know but i'm from texas so i feel like i'm pretty got it got it got it got it love country music yeah but you're pretty you're pretty korean though like your lunch stinks. Oh, really?

Yeah. I mean, I got to wait until Brendan's out of the studio before I can actually eat. It's like hard-boiled eggs and kimchi. Oh, dude, it's a real fart fest in there. It's just fermented foods, man. It's delicious. Wow, delicious. And it's good. It's like probiotics and all that stuff too.

I got to do that. Sardines, I used to bring them on every week. Ew, dude. Every week. Sardines, dudeines dude you open the can sometimes the juices spill out ew that's disrespectful dude sardines and boiled eggs i'm like what are you doing what it's he's not lying that's exactly what i eat for lunch kimchi yeah it's good for you but and you like the way it tastes i love the way sardines tasting that

tomato sauce wow but if you grew up on that shit, it would be good. That's the thing. Like now when you taste that, it's like, what the fuck? Yeah, like Eric grew up on peanut butter burgers. Peanut butter. There you go. That's, you know. But that's the thing.

That's why with Calvin, I like to try to like, you know, in the beginning, you want to let them experience a bunch of different foods. Yeah, it's tough with kids. So tough. Because they don't want anything except for what they just had. Chicken tenders. Yeah, exactly, right? Chicken tendies, fries. I know.

So that's what he eats a lot. And I try, but I don't think Calvin's ever eaten, well, he's never had a salad. Well, because they don't look good. Right. They don't look tasty. But they're colorful. Has he had sushi?

Yeah, he likes sushi. Does he? Yes Wow Yes That's awesome Loves it Loves salmon

Loves sushi When we say we're getting sushi He goes sushi And he like gets so excited He loves it yeah Cause he gives them Little chopsticks with the Well he doesn't do that shit

Well no Oh he does? Well cause they have The kid chopsticks And it has like that Lerner's Fucking dart on it So they can grab it

Like a lobster claw Yeah Bosty's so Mexican It's worrisome Like all he'll eat Is spicy stuff He'll eat He'll get

Flamin' Hot Cheetos And I'll eat them His mouth is all red Hands are red And I'll go Dude isn't your mouth on fire It's not spicy It's not spicy

I'm like Whiten up dude That's kind of good though Because like he's You know They say My pediatrician was like You gotta give him

Spicy shit So he likes spicy shit Because otherwise It'll just be like, he's, you know, they say, my pediatrician was like, you got to give him spicy shit so he likes spicy shit. Because otherwise it'll just be like, like, my wife's mom, like, my mother-in-law. I mean, that whole joke about how, like, oh, yeah, white women think mayonnaise is too spicy. Like, bro, she will not eat anything that tastes like anything. Yeah, some white people struggle with that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I all, like, I went to Whataburger the other day, and I got that. Let me ask you a question, dude, because I was talking to David Lucas about this. About food? You can only talk to him about chicken wings. Well, he... That's it.

Why? He knows chicken wings like a motherfucker. I'm not even really a chicken wings fan. Wow, dude. I know, I know. Oh, wow, nice. They're good and shit. I don't know if you want it or not.

Oh, yeah, dude, I know if he wants it or not. No, no. Yeah, we got it for the talent. We got it for the talent. Okay, wow. Nice. They're good. I don't know if you want it or not. Oh, yeah, dude. I know if you want it or not. No, no. We got it for the talent. We got it for the talent. Okay. Thank you, guys. Appreciate it. I know if you want it or not, dude.

You do. Oh, yeah. I was like passing it over. Dude, do you know why? It's a time in the day. Yeah. Yeah. That's why you want to drink.

Yeah. Because it's a time. No, no. No, I'm celebrating. Tiger Thick just got on all Marine bases. It's a big deal. You just announced it. All right.

Hoorah, bitch. So, yeah, Marines shouldn't be drunk. But while they're shooting. Well, no, it's in their off time. No, no, no. It's while they're shooting. It's while they're shooting and invading. So.

Hey, do you like freedom? I love freedom, dude. You're welcome. How much is freedom though, right? $59.99. And that's what it does. I looked it up. It said $89 on some sites.

Well, it's $89 everywhere. That's out of my control. And your boy fought tooth and nail to get it down to $59.99. So now it is? Hey, $59.99 starting April 1st. Daddy got a new investor. So now it's less money. Your stupid fucking whiskey is less money.

Oh, sorry, dude. I didn't realize I said that. It's okay. I won't do it anymore. Okay. So your stupid fucking whiskey is less money. Oh, sorry, dude. I didn't even realize I said that. It's okay. I won't do it anymore. Okay. So your stupid fucking whiskey. Sorry, dude. It comes out.

No, it's natural. No, it seems natural. So hold on. So obviously I don't drink. If I did, I would be tiger thickening it up. I wouldn't drink it. I'd be drunk all day. You'd be in the Marines.

With that. No, you'd be in the Marines. Yep. Sucking the boys off. Literally enroll, enlist just to drink the tiger. Yeah, and suck the boys off. Suck the boys off and also drink Tiger thick whiskey. Yeah.

Dude, what's up with that, man? What's up, dude? What's up with this Tiger thick shit? I want to know a deep dive into this Tiger thick shit because what's the fucking deal, dude? What do you mean? So you came out with this thing and it's good, apparently, right? Great. Award winning.

Right. Okay. So you got this great stuff. You have it at your shows. Yep. And you have it shipped to the show. People can buy it there at the show. The clubs will purchase it before I get there.

So the fans can drink it there. Okay. And then we also sell it full bottles at the shows. Oh, wow. And it's distributed all over the United States. And you can also Get it at certain Obviously you can get it online Yeah online

Do stores have it? Certain stores have it Like Specs in Texas Which is the biggest Like distributor in Texas It's brick and mortar They carry it Texas is our biggest market

Okay good Okay cool If you like your freedom You're welcome No I Well it's not because You're whiskey Because it's free

It is? Yeah they demand it Well now I guess It's in the Marines But what I want to know is You fucking What's the deal? Well, it's not because you're whiskey because it's free. It is? Yeah. Well, now I guess it's in the Marines. But what I want to know is you fucking, what's the deal? What's the goal with this? You're going to sell it? You're making bank?

What's going on, dude? Daddy, I got an offer. All right. So take that and be done with it, dude. Just get out? Yeah, yeah. Get out. First offer, go like this.

Yes. And then this way dude I don't have to hear you say thick nectar anymore okay it's triggering for you yeah you say thick nectar so much man

that bothers me so you know what I mean you know what I mean I gotta see it on your fucking god damn Instagram story thick nectar thick nectar and when you add sweet to it that's when I get pissed sweet thick nectar You know what I mean? You know what I mean? I got to see it on your fucking goddamn Instagram story. Thick nectar.

And when you add sweet to it, that's when I get pissed. That's when it fucking the blood boils, bro. And my ears start bleeding, dude. Just say it's fucking whiskey. Sweet thick sweat. Sell it and be done with it. And be done with it so you don't have to see it anymore. I'll still see it, dude.

Because you're going to do the thing where you sell it and you still keep like. Well, I still have to be part of it. You're like a fucking. That's a disaster. You're a, what do you call it? One of those fucking. Yeah, I still got some, you know. I oversee.

I'm a board member. You have a board. Yeah, I'm still fucking pushing it. Jin's our biggest member. Jin just. Yeah. Well, you're your biggest member, dude. It's a time and you need to drink. It is a time. Yeah, you're right. It was a celebration, right?us. Yeah. Well, you're your biggest member, dude. It's a time and you need to drink.

It is a time. Yeah, you're right. It was a celebration, right? Yeah. Yeah. How was Austin,

buddy? Oh, fucking awesome, dude. Awesome. What'd you do where the Texas Longhorns play? I don't know.

I did, where was I first? Midland. Bro, have you done? No, well, no,

you haven't done Midland because like, I went to Midland. People were like, yeah, they got money out there and shit and i guess they do dude there's an 81 million dollar um theater there that they put in the middle of nowhere and just for comedy or for like music it's just music comedy whatever and you drive there there's nothing on the way there and then there's this big theater. And it's so weird to see, dude.

And there's those oil digger things on the way there. Yeah, there's like birds going beep, beep, beep. And I was with my buddy, you know, David Sullivan from Texas. And he was like, man, have you ever ridden on one of those? And I was like, what? He was like, I've ridden on those. That's some Texas shit. Crazy.

You get drunk and ride the oil rigs. Yeah. So then we went to the Midland show, and it was great. But you can probably Google it. What is it? The fucking Midland? Midland's around what area in Texas? It's like from in between Dallas and- Do you know Jin?

Jin's from Texas. Oh, yeah, that's right. I'm from Central Texas. He's from South Korea. He said Korea earlier. I am from Korea originally. Midland. No, it's not that. Zoom out. Let me see where Midland, Texas is at. Okay, now that's right south korea earlier but i am from korea originally um midland no it's not that zoom out let me see where midland texas is at okay now that's too far that's very obvious because we see um midland community theater i don't know but bro this theater is like two the nines this is

just where you played we're looking yeah let me let me see where uh midland texas is at though on the map, right? Yeah, but it won't be there. Yeah, because it's an old show, right? Somebody hit Nick for me. Right, right, right. Nick should know better, right? Yeah.

Midland, Texas, and then hit maps. Wagner? Oh, Wagner. Oh, Wagner, Noel. Yeah. So Google image the outside of this fucking place. Ooh, Mr. Steel Yo Jeans in that picture, huh? Just post it up against the wall. Yep.

Speaking of which, I'm going to be in Minneapolis. Whoa, that looks dope. Got to go to chrisley.com to get Minneapolisneapolis tickets i'm gonna be there on saturday how many does midland texas seat this seats uh too many too many windows right like 2000 too many windows though yeah that's a lot of way too many i didn't see that freaks me out but bro if you like were to zoom out which i don't know if they have those pictures of that but like there's fucking literally nothing around there like look at the one on the right like go right the one upper right oh it's just yeah it's like in the middle of fucking there's nothing there bro and i mean nothing it's not like there's like a fucking

gas station or something close nothing really really weird not even a come and go have you ever come not even but so there was but it's really it That place looks sick. It's fucking awesome. And here's the deal. They have this. Look at it, dude. They have Slurpees? There's nothing there. That's weird. And I'm like, who goes here?

And people fucking showed up. They must have to book huge names to get people to trove out there. Or there's nothing in Midland, Texas. What major cities are next here, Nick? If I have to ask, I'm going to hurt you. Okay, now I'm saying Dallas. I said it three times and i said dallas that time i don't like your geography i don't like your geography um anyway so i went out and i did this uh show and then this is the thing first of all there's no direct flight to midland and there's no and then i had to do austin after that there's no direct flight

from midland to austin so how far of a drive are we talking five and a half hours that's too far yeah so yeah tour bus my tour manager what the fuck did you like don't you might as well book vancouver and then austin yeah right because so we took so we went to get a sprinter and drive right after the show that's's fun though, right? Well, because I'm like, just get the lay down shit. Let daddy lay down. Sleep a little bit. Watch some movies.

You know what I mean? Check off. Watch a Korean drama or something. Check off. No, you can't check off. It's open. You don't have cubicles. Oh.

But maybe you could if you're in a back. Yeah. I didn't. You'll figure it out. So you drove from there to Austin. Yeah. I didn't. You'll figure it out. But so. So you drove from there to Austin. Yeah. They showed up with the wrong sprinter.

The seats didn't go back. Oh, no. Like a Southwest flight? It was terrible. Terrible. Didn't have to pay for it. Then Austin, you went to Comedy Mothership or no? No, I didn't.

I went to, I did my shows. Because I had two shows. So I got out late. It's like same time the mothership's open too. So you're just conflicting. I wanted to go to the mothership and I was going to go meet David Lucas. And then by the time I got out of my shit, it was. Yeah, you hear all the stories. Like he just had Schultz on a show.

He had Shane Gillis has been there. But then, you know, David Lucas is always around. Then Derek Post. All my boys are there. It reminds me of the comedy store days. Like the golden years of comedy store. I'm like, ah, I feel like you're missing out. They're really doing something over there. You know me of the Comedy Store days, like the golden years of Comedy Store. I'm like, ah, I feel like you're missing out.

They're really doing something over there. I mean, I haven't been. The place looks amazing with the drone shots and all that stuff. And the pictures that they post. I try not to see any of it. It makes me sad. What do you guys think of the name? You know what?

I didn't like it at first. I've got to say it's growing on me. I'm going to hate on it because Rogan hated on my name on the whiskey. It was Tiger Thick. Great whiskey, hate the name. Great club, hate the name. I thought when I first heard it, I was like, comedy mothership. Wouldn't you say it enough?

But yeah, it kind of grew on me, man. It's like when a new expansion team comes to the NFL, you're like, Carolina Panthers, that's gay. But because it's also different it's different than just like, you know, Chuckles or some shit or the LOL Club or Laugh Hut. Well, I think the original plan was called The Comedy Store Austin. Really?

Yeah. But if you're going to do that, obviously The Comedy Store is owned by The Shores. Yeah. And then he would have to be in business with The Shores and he's like,

well, no, it's my thing. And they're like, well, then you can't use our name. He's like, all right, say less. Yeah, no, that's not. Yeah, so that's why they changed the comedy mothership and there's aliens everywhere. And they're like, well, then you can't use our name. He's like, all right, say less. Yeah. Yeah, no, that's not. Yeah, so that's why he changed the comedy mothership, and there's aliens everywhere. That would have been good for the comedy store if he did that.

Oh, my God. Why? You think? Yeah, I know. Because the entire staff works over there and all the comics. He basically took the golden years of the comedy store and just moved it to there. But now it's run by the same guy, Adam Eagitt.

Monsters, dude. Yeah, and you know what? It's off 6th Street, too Eagitt. Monsters, dude. Yeah. And you know what? It's off 6th Street, too. The lineups are great. But even besides that, though. Lineups are ridiculous. But besides that. Compared to out here right now?

Yeah, I know. Crushes us. Well, yeah, of course. Crushes us. But it is the beginning, and people are flying in to see it and do their thing. For sure. But here's the thing. But it is the beginning, and people are flying in to see it and do the thing.

For sure. But here's the thing. They still got, even when all the comics stop trying to go there to check it out, they still got some fucking monsters out there. They got talent. And then Rogan's doing it. He does an open mic Sunday, Monday night, so he's building up the younger talent. He's going to succeed. I mean, the motherfucker doesn't miss.

You think Rogan will succeed? That's a guy you don't want to bet against. Looks great, man. It looks great. Yeah, it looks really cool. And also, what was I going to say about that? Oh, the shows sell out before people even know what the lineups are. You know what I mean?

Oh, for sure. I was talking to people. I think it sold out like nine months in advance already. Oh, wow, yeah. Yeah, it's nuts. Yeah, it's definitely got that curiosity factor. But it's also, I mean, Rogue is not going to put stupid comics up.

You know what I mean? No. He would never put Brian Callen up, right? Never. You know Brian's not allowed there. Brian's not allowed there. Oh, I see a chin. There I didn't know you were coming in.

Oh, dude. We were just talking about you. Were you? Were you talking about how I'm going to be at Timonium, Maryland, McGurkies? Made up a place. This Friday. Right outside Baltimore. Timonium is a fucking Civil War site.

It's right outside Baltimore. And I'm going to be there this Friday, Saturday. Now, when you go and you reenact, do they have to buy tickets to the reenactment? Okay, I'm not doing a reenactment. And you know that's a bullshit question. Well, you were saying you were going to Tamponia? Tamponia? Timonium.

Tampons. Tamponians? Timoniums. So that's a made-up place, right? It's not a made-up place. Okay. Just say Baltimore, though. Just say, you know what?

Say this. Hey, I'm going to be wherever. Why would I do that, Chris? Because the same amount of people will show up, right? He's saying it doesn't matter. You know what it is? All right. You know what?

A few? All right. I'm going to give you a compliment. Thanks. Here's a compliment. Okay. And I don't do this often. Okay.

Well, I'm not going to compliment your glasses, right? Because they make me angry. Because they belong on a mannequin. Don't they? Well, dude, I do wear stuff very well. But that's not a compliment. You do want to put me in windows. That's not a compliment. You do want to put me in windows. That's not a compliment you do want to put me in windows that's not a compliment

you do want to put me in windows that's not a compliment I want to say this and it's important that I say it you're a stand up hold on thank you compliment coming

you're okay you are and I don't say this often you are popular okay see the way you say that

sounds like it's a problem with it can I keep going yeah please I guess I don't a problem with it. Can I keep going? Yeah, please. Wow. I guess I don't. I didn't mean.

I want to compliment you. Okay. Keep going. Okay. Thank you. My nephews went to the Beacon and saw you do stand-up. They're welcome. That's right.

And what was crazy was they said, did he hire writers? Hold on. No. And I said, I don't know know that's a weird question usually we do i mean i know i do my own thing right and then they said something effective it's not fair this is not part of the comment this is brian saying usually i feel like chris watches you and then he uses that as the hold on just as the north star of the golden bar and then he uses that as the North Star, the Golden Bar. And then he reaches and then he gets the funny stuff.

What's the frilly stuff? No, dude. I don't know. That's what they said. And then I said, I hate that. I'm not talking about that. But here's what's crazy. They said he didn't hire writers.

I said, no, I don't think so. Why? And then they said something fascinating, which is a compliment to you. They said, because we've seen all his stuff and we saw him at the Beacon and his comedy was about something. Hey. And I said, I said. Okay, so it's kind of a compliment, but also you're saying. I said, about what?

Shoes? No, dude. His chains? Dude. That's fair. His neck tattoo he got at 40? Yeah, that's because I'm hardcore now, dude. 40?

Or his seemingly hourglass face? I'm sorry, but you have one, dude. Hey, listen, man. You have one. It's not fair, but you do. What do you mean I have an hourglass face, dude? You have the kind of face I look for on a woman. No, wait.

What? I mean, her torso is a compliment. Your head. Something's going on, and I want to talk about it. Your head goes out this way, and then it cuts in, and then it goes out. By the way. It's like a peanut. The last Instagram video you posted was.

I look good. Well, the sunglasses are bringing this part of your face out, so always wear sunglasses that bring that part of your face out. Because if you take them off, there it is. Ah, shit. Oh, fuck. Dude, no. I know. Are you sleeping in a wood vise? What's going on? Dude, look, man, I've been on the road a lot.

I've been fucking absolutely hell in, right? It's been nuts. Hey, don't drop your voice. I already said that you're popular it's all good should should brian book uh that theater in midland texas you think oh dude yeah book that well you know what oh no well my agent just called me with seven theater offers crowder effect already huh like that after a week you're doing theaters what's crazy about an eagle

is when they decide to fucking sprout wings you're saying you brian's a theater act now bubba i've been letting you play in my garden no no i've been letting you toss off the tulips but there comes a point where point where the king has to throw his garb on and say. No, kings never do that. Yeah, but I got some stuff I got to do in the garden. The king's back? Yeah, yeah. No, dude, kings don't do that.

Kings would never do that. And you know to take his. Hey, B, the Kings can get humbled in Baltimore though, right? A little bit. Well, well... In Mendipolium or whatever the fuck it is.

In Timonium. Hey, dude. Hey, Brian. You're being a dick. What did he say? Hey, Brian. What's up? Sup, dude.

What's up, man? Sup. Sup. You got... So you got 17... So what's up? You've been on Crowder what one week yeah hey sup dude but sup with that i know but impact right yeah okay you know that's why they call me the meteor

that got through the earth's atmosphere so no one calls you that all right all right so sup with Crowder so you're on Crowder you just started on that hold on on. All right. That's not. Just say yeah. By the way, by the way, it started. What? Hey, hey. Y'all feel that? No, dude. Don't do that. You will.

Okay. Is that fair? All right. Look at these things. Now, B, what's annoying to me here is you and I took this exact same picture 10 years ago. Yeah. What the fuck, dude? You know not to do the back-to-back picture.

You linked up with another big guy. You're a gay man. You linked up just because he's a larger human being. He's a big kid. He's a following. Now you post it. We have that exact same picture. Yeah, don't do that picture with many people, dude.

We took it for honor. Why do I look? This is the biggest riddle. Why do I look the same age as everybody in the 30s? No. Why don't you just say I look like I'm in my 30s? It's such a fucking weird way to say that. I look the same age as everybody in their 30s?

You're telling me I look older than 38? You're like a Russian fucking exchange student. You ran out of wit there. You ran out of wit. But we landed. A Russian exchange student isn't a terrible burn. No, I know, but the way you said it, I look like everybody in the same age as their 30s. You just say, I look like I'm in my 30s.

You stupid fucking asshole. Hey, hey. You watch it, man, because I'll tell you something. Even though the big man, like everybody in the same age as their 30s you just say i look like i'm in my 30s you stupid fucking asshole hey you watch it man because i'll tell you something even though the big man even though bam bam even though giganta girl itis is between us that was tough for me that was a tough landing because you know hey let's get this out of the way and it doesn't matter i'll fold you like a chair right well if we we in prison you wake, if we imprison, you wake me up from a nap. The only thing you're used to folding is the folding chairs and your fucking showrooms because you have folding chairs in your showrooms. And I got seats built in, dude.

You go like this. Brian Callen's going to go like this. That's how you clean up your show, dude. No, I don't clean up my show dude no I don't clean up my own shows I don't get don't do that with your tongue at me

I won't suck your asshole I would never do that not in a million years so wait are you gonna do theaters for real or what's up you did the song

what'd you do in New York humbled hashtag blessed okay I mean sunny hall hashtag finally made hey guys thanks for turning out

I'll be in Timonium this weekend. Now, B, little birdie told me you and me are doing a theater in Florida soon. Yeah, you and I are doing a theater. Yeah. I don't care which one. Fighter and the Kid about to pop off. Oh, what's up with Fighter and the Kid, dude?

You doing a live show there or what? Are you doing an actual live podcast? Yeah, why don't you come. No, we're doing. Come. Just me and him. Stand up. Oh, cool.

Come warm the crowd up. Oh, you don't want me to warm it up, right? What the fuck? Hey. Hey, you don't want me to warm it up, right? What the fuck? Hey, I don't like that. You don't want me to warm it up, right? You need a local. Okay? You don't want me to.

Hey. I mean, I could do it, but I guess my question is, is it 2008 when I just started? Or does your boy know his way around a stage? Dude. Baba? What? Baba?

Baba? Where are you playing in Florida? Listen to me right now. Are you reenacting the Civil War before that? Before the show at 3.30? No, I'm not. Okay. And remember, there is a show tonight.

Fighter and the Kid. Where is it in Florida? That's going to be gangrene. We'll have to saw that off. There are none of those. This thing has antibiotics. What are those? B, what's it called?

Way too detailed. Took us out of it. Took us out of it. You Google shit before you come, and you're like, I'm going to say that word, I'm going to say that word. You know what? Jordan Peterson said it. Was it Saratoga? Saratoga.

Saratoga. Saratoga. Saratoga. Oh, nice. Oh, that's a good place. I like that. That's a really nice place, I think. That's where my business manager is from.

My business manager is from. Okay, why is that funny to you? Why is that the money stuff? Okay, what is funny about the money stuff, dude? Well, it's... You know, it's... What? Did you know that...

So, phones have apps? Yeah, I know phones have apps. Oh, I don't know. Sometimes he doesn't know this shit. No, I do know. You have a bank account app on there? apps. Yeah, I know phones have apps. Sometimes he doesn't know this shit. No, I do know. You have a bank account app on there? Yeah. Yeah.

Do you know your phone gets heavier the more money you put in it? Hey, that's not true and that's a stupid thing to say. I get what you're saying. Don't freeze. Don't freeze frame your face like that. That's super obnoxious.

All right? It's super obnoxious. Na, na, na, na, na. Na, na, na, na, na. What is that? The credits. that's super obnoxious alright it's super obnoxious the credits show's over dude that's the mash theme song everybody Sarasota Sarasota Sarasota Sarasota Sarasota way. Sarasota. Sarasota. What do we call it? Oh, Sarasota.

Sarasota. Saratoga. What's Saratoga? Like Georgia or something? So what do you... Yeah, that's why it sounds familiar. What? So you...

That's weird. You got a word wrong. Anyway, go ahead. Yeah. So your stand-up is... Especially these days. Yeah. Don't make fun of him for that.

No, no, no. Well, he thought that the movie with Ben Stiller. Tropic Thunder. The fuck? He thought Tropic Thunder was called Hot Topic. Hot Topic. I confused him. I confused him.

Anyone can do it. No, not anyone. Not anyone can do it. Anyone can do it. Not anyone can do it. Remember that movie Hot Topic they said? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right?

No, I wish he was. you did three shows that day i know but i wish you were physically weaker so i could give you a shove around right now i do too sometimes i give you a shove around yeah i wish i was smaller because then if i beat the fuck out of everybody in this room no one would like right he's bullying him you know yeah yeah do that would you start crying right away what what what if? If we had to fight him, would everything crumble? No, dude. I'm not. He'd give up his ass. Dude, that's. Yeah, you would. So.

Give it. Yeah, you would. Don't say give it. Yep. Give it. Pick a spot on the wall. Go to your happy place. No, that's not. Yeah.

Make your bank account. Because we're bored. Balls, Dave. That's what happens. Balls, Dave. Dude, you think. You know what I was thinking the other day? If you had to. Take those tattoos off your body, Dave. Dude, you think... You know what I was thinking the other day? If you had to...

Take those tattoos off your body right now. It's just driving me nuts. You cannot get a thousand tattoos in four years. Hey, show them the new one, though. Show them the new one. Brian will like it. Show them the cabin. I can't.

You got a cabin? Aw. Aw. Okay. Hey, dude. Can I just see? Hey, can someone remake that hot... Because you look like...

The Tropic Thunder thing with the three of our faces on it? I can't stand when somebody looks like a human doodle pad. It looks like you were like, oh, I'm bored. Show them the camera. I was bored. We got a blueprint. Okay. Okay.

We're going to find that place. It's just a cabin. No, no, no. And it's half a cabin. We're going to find that place. With a slanted roof. Dude. It's the cabin you find in the Shire.

Why do you have the Hobbit's cabin on your arm? We're going to build it. And we're going to live there. And we're going to share ideas. Who's we? Who? Well, I'm not doing this shit for nothing. You think this is a podcast?

I thought so. Dude, the end of the world is coming. And I'm making a cult. The end of the world is coming. And I'm making a cult. The end of the world is coming. Chris, I'm not going to be in your car. We've seen all the sides, haven't we? What do you mean I already am in it? What is my role?

I already planted my seed in your mind. And there's nothing you can do about it. So what do I do then? What is when the grid shuts down? Yeah. And because you know that I'm Gundam. Oh, no, no. I'm gunned down.

That's not your responsibility. I got ways to make fire. You're getting the women and children down in the bunker. Nope. I'm storing. You are a woman and a child. I get some people rallied around me. So you're going to be minister of propaganda where you create a cult of magic personality.

People are drawn to it because you pretend to have the answers. Yeah. I'm his enforcer. Yeah. You're the enforcer. So you get out of line, personality, people are drawn to it because you pretend to have the answers. Yeah. I'm his enforcer. Yeah. You're the enforcer. Yeah, so you get out of line, Daddy. Yeah. I'm pulling your scalp off.

Daddy's a little more ruthless than you are. I'm pulling your scalp off. You're too nice. Not to you. He's too nice, but not when the shit's shit. Yeah, not when the world. So that's what I do. So what's that?

Okay, so that's a small stiletto. What? It's a small stiletto. Like a heel? Like a women's? I'm sorry. It's a knife. It's Spanish for knife.

Oh, okay. So here you are. You're the cult guy. Yeah. You take a little nappy poo because you need a lot of sleep. I do, actually. I know. Cult leader.

Leader. And I just go like this. Really hard to wake up today at 10. And I go right here, right down here, and pop it out. You bleed out in about eight seconds. It's a bummer. Too much info again, right? Is it eight seconds it's a bummer too much info again right i know eight seconds you die but then i'm gonna raise your kids no i'm gonna raise your

kids christian's gonna be sad well yeah no shit dude if you kill me for a while for a while don't and my goal my goal is for her to go, I was so sad. Had no idea what I was missing. No. And that's a fucked up thing to say, but that's my goal. All right, all right. That's my goal. And how long does this take?

Huh? Seems like a 10-year program. I got to wait till you get the minions so I can use them. But, B, you'll be 80. Yeah, that's what I'm saying I'm getting at. Looking 38. Yonbaran time, dude. You know what I'm saying when I say yonbaran time?

Okay, my feet do hurt when I wake up in the morning and when I get out of the car. Wow. I got to warm them up. And your enforcer has psoriasis. Oh, boy. Do they kick me out of the club. Wow. Yeah, I gotta warm them up. And your enforcer has psoriasis. Oh, boy. Do they kick me out of the club? Guys, am I the healthiest? Nope.

Yeah, for sure. You need sun. No, he's the healthiest for sure out of us. You stop doing exercise altogether, yeah? No, no, no. But you're an indoor creature.

Do you ever worry that because you're such an indoor creature that you are at risk of coyote attack or an animal that normally wouldn't attack you? No, dude. No, no, no.

And don't be like, normally wouldn't attack you. You're getting it then don't be like it normally would like you're getting it out dude you're being a shitty guy okay but but you don't you're not afraid of you don't think that you're you're you're the kind of guy because of your you the way you walk right which is not it's not squared away you're not squared away i'm smooth i'm smooth with it yeah but a willow there Yeah, but a willow. There's a willow. Willow whisper. I'm not a willow, dude, but I'm not a willow. Okay? I want to know what places are you playing? That'll be announced soon

enough. Oh, okay. It's vague, right? I'm going to be in Minneapolis on Saturday. How about that? And you can get tickets to Minneapolis on Saturday. And you can also get tickets to Ohio. I'm going to be in Ohio. And also, you can get tickets to Milwaukee. That's probably sold out by the time this comes out. And then Ohio. I'm going to be in Ohio. And also, you can get tickets to Milwaukee. That's probably sold out by the time this comes out.

And then also, I am going to be in Tucson and Pueblo, Colorado for some fucking reason. Pueblo. Pueblo. It's a cool area. Is it?

It's awful. Yeah, that's what I thought. I'm going to be in Colorado Springs. I'm going to be in so many different places. I got fucking Canada coming up. I got Australia coming up. You're going to Australia

and Canada? Yeah, I am. Hey. Australia. That's the shit. Yeah, I am. That's Australia coming up. You're going to Australia and Canada? Yeah, I am. Hey! Australia. That's the shit. Yeah, I am. That's right. Be careful of the wandering spiders. Nah, don't get it. Be careful. And the grey wine shacks.

That guy looks I wonder how law school's going to get those tickets. And I'm at the Ice House this Saturday. Shopping Friends, 8pm show. Doesn't matter. Adam Carolla, Eric Griffin, who's not here right now. April Fool's, he's not dead. Who? Eric. show. Doesn't matter. Adam Carolla, Eric Griffin, who's not here right now. April Fool's, he's not dead. Who? Eric.

I did not kill him. He is on an iron lung though. He'll be at the Ice House on Saturday with me. And Adam Carolla. The iron lung was good. No, it's not that funny, man. And also, he's still on the show, Eric. Yeah, we didn't tell you. I have a fucking karate class I have to get to.

No, dude. How much longer? Let me just see what this guy's doing. Look at his beard. You don't want to miss this. No, dude. How much longer? Let me just see what this guy's doing. Look at his beard. You don't want to miss this. Yo, what's good, Golden Hour? It's your boy Carson coming at you from Carson, Washington.

You're not going to know where the fuck that's at, but it's about an hour outside of Portland. Just taking a break from slinging that devil's lettuce. Same tattoo as you have. Same tattoo.

But that's where he sells weed. Was curious what your favorite or most attractive accent is uh mine for sure is that australian no that's insane aussie girl you better you ever met yeah they're really hot love that accent but then when they talk but yeah what you're not it's not mine no that's not hot hey mate I like I like him shout out to Chris gotta rock that Carhartt hoodie man

you gotta get you some hoodies Carhartt's art shout out Brendan I just missed you in Tacoma man but I do get to see Rink's sweet tart tart

Nass next month so that'll be really fun the way you perked up you fucking bitch shout out Eric I see you on Twitch man doing your thing hey man

and then shout out to Chin and Nick as always people on the show um hope you guys are having a great rest of your day nice guys buzz buzz sore and what a sweet guy yeah really nice guy and dancing that's accent probably british though huh yeah huh? Yeah. It depends, really. It depends on what you... He's saying, what was he saying? The hottest accent? Yeah, like the most sexiest. Yeah, it is not Australian.

The only... You know, there are two that are worse than Australian, is like... Brazilians, bro. Fargo, like up north, like shit. Yeah, that's awful. Don't you know? Nothing's worse, though.

And Chicago's pretty hard. No, easy but worse. Boston's rough. I had a girl say, you're a big fat cack. I miss you, big fat cack. Boston. Meet you to it.

A chick from Boston. Harder. Harder. Yeah. Where's your scoff? That's just like, honey, do an impression or something. That's a little bit like New York. New York and Jersey is pretty rough sometimes.

You don't want a girl like, hey, how's it going? It's like, hey, you want to see my tits or something? I'm walking here. What kind of girl is that? Hey, you want want to lay down get this done or what whoa you want to take a look at my dick i'm a chick but look at this well well i don't know i don't know it depends how you identify but um right but chicago there was a girl this is a true story and she said i miss your big fat cack yeah she said that i didn't know her that well it's so not hot i was like oh that's not hot i know i miss your big fat cack bring your big big fat cack over here cacks because i was like this is so aggressive man are you driving a truck right now and eating fucking like out of a

definitely a farter definitely a farter oh yeah she was hot though yeah but you got to be real hot that's that's such a turnoff know. I'm sorry because I love Boston. Boston is the shit. I fucking kill it, Boston. Man, stop bringing it back to that. I know, I know. But 8,000 people. Okay, dude.

I'm just saying. You are popular. All right. But it depends on what you're doing with an accent, right? So if you're an overlord, it'd be British. I mean, yeah. British is a hot... Well, if you were hosting a very exclusive orgy...

Okay. That accent... I don't think that guy's doing that. I'm going on a limb here. Right, but that guy... But I'm saying, depending on the role you're playing, if you were a guy who was like, oh, you guys came for the orgy.

Come on in. We got chicks. We got guys with big dicks. Oh, I like that. That's okay unless there were chicks that were like, hell yeah, can't wait to see you cock. Then that's not good. But the host should always be someone who's very alluring.

He set us up. He's good at that. I'm getting hard as shit. Yeah, I'm rock hard. He did this. He'd go, oh, yes, you're the comedian. Unfortunately, everyone would have to wear sunglasses because your skin is so white.

I've seen more color in a cloud. Hello, Casper. I trust that guy. It's kind of hot. Yeah. Who's the giant next to you? Oh, drinking rain. They're naked drinking rain.

And then Brennan would be like, you know, front and center. I want to showcase him. And then he'd take his pants off and they'd go disappointing. Now the party's... No, he goes, now the party starts. No, they say it's not even a penis, it's a clitoris. Rather intimidating

body, but not so much... Is that a tail? I thought he'd look like a monster that a tail? Is that a tail? I thought he'd look like a monster with a tail. Rather, he looks like a piglet with a squiggly tail. Does your dick go like that? Yeah. No.

Wow, imagine, huh? You know what's weird about my penis is, and this is fucking, you take this as you will, but so medium penises, which are what, like 8 to 12 inches? Jesus. So mine's on the larger side. Yeah, I hear you going. Is it wider than your face? No, it's just my, so my penis said,

my penis, my doctor said that my penis, because I went in, because when I get erect, and I'm saying this medically so we don't get flagged on YouTube, but when I'm erect, it actually, it gets a little bit smaller, right? And I went to the doctor and I was like, usually penises, they get bigger, you know? And he was like, if it got any bigger, he says, he just said to me, you know and he was like if if it got any bit he says he just said to me you know straight up but he said yeah look you know if it got any bigger um all the blood going to it i would pass out and so he said it's very rare i have not seen this right uh except for for a few times when people who were from tribes in africa came in they said you um they said that your penis

needs to get a little bit smaller yeah your penis needs to get a little bit smaller right otherwise you would pass out and there's no way you could procreate right because it's about yeah furthering the species so yeah so it's your body protecting you it is it's smaller yeah and i do get light headed but uh my cock aspirates what dude? What do you even mean? Like lungs on the side of it? You can breathe underwater? Yeah. Isn't that crazy?

So you can literally, so you can go underwater as long as you have your dick up above the... Like a snorkel? Yeah. This is your penis above the thing. So the answer to that question is yes. I know.

Isn't that crazy? I think you have a huge dick when you the the kind of dick that's impressive is the kind of thank you girth thank you i didn't say that chris's looks like when you have when you have a heavy it's heavy enough that it starts to bend down from its own weight yes so you want it to kind of bend down and you have to apologize sorry i know your g-spot's the other way sorry so i have to fuck you standing on my head oh god dude right wait so sorry look at that look at the belly on that fella that's another i like that i know when you can say that the underbelly when you've got when you got an underbelly of a whale yeah when yeah you know that my joke when i know that's

the belly of the whale yeah when you got an undery, this guy's got a belly on him, right? That's what they say? The chick's from Boston when you fucked him. That... Ah, he got a belly on your cock. Get your big fat cock out. Get your cock out. It's aspirating.

He's got a belly on him. Dude. Looks like a chick mumps cheeks. ChrisLitt.com. I'm just saying. No reason to do it, right? No. But no reason to do this right now.

What would be good merch for me? I've got to get out of here. Well, one more video, then you'll leave. Okay. She's beautiful. Yeah, she's very pretty. Hi, guys. My name is Kia.

I'm in New York, and I wanted to ask you guys a question. I love your show, by the way. I wanted to ask you guys how you would feel about dating a girl with hyperpigmentation, which is when your skin basically produces excess melanin. I don't care. With your face, you could have a horn on your back.

Oh, yes. No, you could have hooves. You could have hooves. That might be psoriasis. Shut up, dude. She knows what it is. She knows what it is. She's hard. She knows what it is, Dr. Karen. Some podcast guy.

She's talking. You're not intimate because you have to show all of those places, you know? Oh, she says she's a model? Your skin. Oh, she's so cute. When she's dating somebody. My debate, my lover. Is she an angel?

Do you guys even care? No. No. No. With that face. You're beautiful. Are you kidding oh my god she has a great personality and she's vulnerable and i like everything about her but hold on yeah i agree here's what here's my advice i wonder if that pigmentation is oh no it's not so fuck you hit it

no go ahead i mean maybe i won't use it i okay can i do you mind yeah but i'm saying i have some experience likely md it may be a gut issue perfect yeah yeah keep going so take a look at your get a gut profile done and see if there's a prevalence of a certain kinds of bacteria and that could be an autoimmune disease and maybe you have some psoriasis going on. Is this obnoxious? Dude, here's the deal. Sorry, I couldn't hear a word you said.

I was staring at her face. She's beautiful. Here's the deal. That's all right. These guys are just dummies, right? But like, let me just tell you right now because I took it in.

I took it in. I didn't speak until she was done. You guys were just like, oh, that doesn't matter. That's a bad impression of me. didn't speak until she was done you guys were just like bad impression of me that's not how you guys were both that's more him you're going so yeah so follow me let me tell you dude i'm like uh uh like way better than these guys and like it's just it got we it doesn't matter at all man i just want her to understand hey say something of substance right now go go in the world today there's so much stuff going on that you gotta

really you have to like look at all the different angles and you're being exposed right now i'm gonna give you another chance okay okay okay i'm gonna give you one minute okay okay okay and then i gotta go i'm gonna give you one. You better say something of substance that I can take home and that the listeners can take home. You have a minute and 15 seconds. Go. It's about love. You know what I mean?

We each have to live in harmony, all of us, together. Empty, man. Come on. Come on, dude. Sound like a hallmark. Say something, bro, that I can use. I was playing pool with one of my buddies. Okay, hold on, hold on.

Go back in time and talk to yourself who's 20. Give yourself good advice. Go. Oh, stop fucking! Yeah! Ladies and gentlemen, I hope you learned something I'm out God bless

Carry on boys Love you bro Love you too Come onium guys We'll see you this weekend Friday, Saturday Made up a place Wait so this

Woman though It doesn't matter This angel She can have horns Yeah she's beautiful Obviously But it doesn't matter Guys do not care about that

And if they do Honestly Well if they do It it's like, what? Bro, this sucks. But also, I would say most men, they wouldn't even register it. No. You know what I'm saying? Especially on a woman like this. No.

I wish... This is one of those things that I wish somebody like this, who's such a sweetheart, seemingly such a sweetheart, that she- Knew how special she is? She just, I wish she knew how it sounded, what she's saying. Because it's, she's such a beautiful, and not only her look, it's just her person. Yeah, she seems nice.

Like her vibe. It's like that- Take it down a notch. That doesn't matter. Yeah. Take it down two notches. Because I know people are- i'm two notches because i know people are two notches all right two notches because i know people are insecure it could be freckles for all insecure about some shit i may have psoriasis um yeah there's nothing you can do no no you're it doesn't matter dude don't even like at least it's

not on her face oh god brandon you just kind of say the wrong thing you know she might have makeup on yeah and even if it is on her face it doesn't matter yeah it's all good her face. Oh, God, Brendan. You just kind of say the wrong thing, you know? She might have makeup on. Yeah, and even if it is on her face, it doesn't matter. Yeah, it's all good. Oh, Brendan. To make her feel better, what's the thing you're most insecure about yourself? Me? I mean, I have spots all over my body, dude.

Physically? And a giant dick. The thing that I'm most insecure about physically? Your forehead? No, that's stupid. Okay, well. Your cock gets smaller when it gets hard? It's just, I feel sometimes that it sucks because I have to wrap my cock around my leg to walk even, right?

It sucks. No. I feel like, insecure? I don't know. Nothing? No. Do you feel too skinny? No, I don't feel too skinny.

I feel like I... Well, like that you can control, right? Like if I wanted to, I could get... Nah. Bigger. Nah. You don't make me skinny. Well, to you, you fucking hippo.

So aggressive. No, you're an ectomorphomorph So you can't put on weight Well I I can put on some weight bro No dude What do you mean You're an ectomorph Like you're naturally skinny

Like look at your little legs You know what I'm saying Yeah I got little legs bro Oh my calves I think My calves You're pretty jacked there But you're still skinny

I know I'm skinny I'll always be skinny I think I think my That's it My legs are skinny That's a good one Yeah I don't know. I'm skinny. I'll always be skinny. I think my... That's it. My legs are skinny. That's a good one.

Yeah. I don't like how I have skinny fucking legs. You won't wear shorts. Mostly, it's my calves because I would love to wear shorts. You have the same calves as Jon Jones. Bro, you know what? You know what? Dude, Ian Edwards came over to my house once, and I had shorts on, and he said,

Oh, man, you got legs like a black dude playing basketball. It was so funny, man. I was like, God damn. I mean, I got spots all over my fucking body. Yeah, but that'll go away, though. Yeah, no, there's nothing you can do. There's no treatment. There's nothing.

You can change your diet and stuff, and hopefully it'll calm down. It's way better, though. It's better, but I think, I mean, I got spots all over, man. So yours is the same as hers? Yeah. Yeah. She looks cool. Yeah, mine's my head.

She looks cool. If I was her, I'd flaunt it. Me, I'd cover up head to toe. I guess mine are my calves. Yeah, that makes sense. What about you, Chin? Your head? Hey, man.

You got a big head. But that's cool. That's manly, though. Yeah. And plus, I'm a big dude. You are. It's not like if you were 5'8", with that head, that'd be a trouble. I mean, I'm a big dude with a big head. But that's cool. That's manly, though. Yeah. And plus, I'm a big dude. You are. It's not like if you were 5'8", with that head, that would be trouble. I mean, I'm a big dude with a small head.

I have a head like the bad guys from Mario Bros. The movie, the action movie in 1990. Yeah, I know it. You're not that. Your head isn't too small, though, for your body. I have a fat face, small head. It's smaller, yeah. I wear a 7'1", fourth hat.

That means nothing to me. It's tiny. Yeah. When I wear a hat, it looks ridiculous. Yeah, not for you. I'll never do it. I'll never do it.

But my hair, because I'm losing hair. Are you? Yeah. I put a lot of product and I like space it out to where it looks, you know,

sort of like the hair. And then plus my legs have a bunch of scars. So that's why I tattooed my leg. How do they do the tattoos over the scars? They do it okay? Yeah, they didn't care.

Oh. But it doesn't look weird? It actually adds like depth to it for some reason. Idea. What if I covered my body like a Yakuza gang member from my neck down so you can't see the spots? That would look freaking dope. That would look fucking awesome, bro.

But you can fix your spots. I would look ridiculous, but yeah, I might have to do that. But you can get your spots away. Yeah, your spots are fixable. Kind of. What do you mean kind of? There's no cure for it. It's autoimmune disease.

It's your body fighting your body. But because you're adding stuff to your body that you shouldn't. Yeah, but sure. Yeah, dude, eat fucking eggs and sardines. Nah. Probiotics. I'm going to die in a moment. Wait, are you still only doing the meat thing mostly?

For the most part, yeah. God. Yeah, it's exhausting. So chin's head your calves i people always have a big forehead i don't really care about that nah it's normal i think we got a bagging for something in your forehead yeah i don't really care about that i don't maybe i should maybe i should know uh people also say um you're white as shit. Yeah.

But I can control that. You look weird if you're tan. I can control that, yeah. It works for you. Yeah, everything works for you. No, dude, that's the joke that I would have about like, each of my features are fucking horrible, but together for some reason they work with me. What do you self-concept, Nick?

Teeth. Really? Yeah, your teeth are a train. I dab in my teeth. Fixable. Yeah, fixable. But also like as a guy, your teeth are a train. Like stabbing my teeth. Fixable. Yeah, fixable. But also, as a guy, gaps in your teeth is fine. I don't know.

They're also like, I've had a bunch of issues, so they're not straight. No, the bottom looks like the Milwaukee skyline. I said the bottom looks like a city skyline. You got a little bit of underbite. Honestly, dude, I'm going to be straight up honest with you. I didn't even know you had bad teeth. That's nice. I don't think they're bad, Nick. Yeah, it doesn't rock my world, but if I had to pick, I'm going to be straight up honest with you. I didn't even know you had bad teeth. That's nice. I don't think they're bad, Nick.

Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't like rock my world, but if I had to pick, I'd pick that. And I love the song Crooked Smile by J. Cole because of it. Yeah. I think it's just about like one sack of teeth. That's about a chick. But yeah.

So are you. It's about his teeth. I know. Yeah. That's the theme song where a guy has fucked up teeth. Yeah. Does he have bad teeth? Yeah.

J. cole has terrible teeth yeah it's too much money i guess if you have his money and fame you're like fuck yeah yeah like brian got invisalign at 50 i'm like you're a moron it's so weird you think your teeth are the problem that's so weird what about your hair dude well he's he's oh right yeah okay well they're not what you would think to oh no yeah that one's hiding in the back. Yeah. Yeah, they're playing hide-and-go-seek. Sometimes they look cute on Japanese girls. I don't know if you noticed their teeth sometimes. Oh, no.

She looks cute. She's hot. She has one snaggletooth. Yeah. Honestly, sometimes it works for people. Well, sometimes it works for people. And sometimes you don't notice. I feel like sometimes people have bad teeth, and it's the thing about them.

And sometimes, like Nick says, he has bad teeth. I didn't fucking notice. It gives people character. Yeah. Now, if a sponsor came and gave you all veneers Nick would you do it absolutely you'd look sick with veneers and yours are expensive so are they like a grant of tooth are you serious yeah it's like 60k to do the whole thing shit joke why I went to like the best veneers guy in Beverly Hills it was 60 60 K yeah Yeah. I was like, one day.

You'll have it for life. One day? I don't know. Yeah. And they're like, you'll have it for life. It's like, no, I know. But you don't have to file down your teeth. Yeah, it looks disgusting. So your teeth are never the same.

Oh. And you got to be real bold and do the back. You got to go. They put you to sleep, yeah? I don't know. It's got to hurt. They don't? Wow.

You have two, really? You have two white ones? Do they numb it or what the fuck? Yeah, they numb you. Yeah. Do they have to file your teeth down so you look fucking insane if that tooth ever pops off? Yeah, they file it down. It's pretty crazy looking.

Oh, no, not for me. And it's a terrible feeling as well. I wouldn't even... But does it hurt or it's just a weird feeling? It's just uncomfortable. It doesn't hurt. It's just very uncomfortable. How do they numb you, though? Injection or... Yeah, injection in your mouth. See, that sucks, too uncomfortable it doesn't hurt it's just very uncomfortable how they numb you though injection or yeah injection in your mouth see that's

that didn't hurt that didn't hurt that i'm fine with but uh that uh is i would not want to look at it when they were done with the thing when they were yeah you know just filing it yeah let's show me what it's done yeah once it's filed, they have to airbrush it to get everything off of it, and that's the worst part. Why? It just feels like it's so sensitive, and they're spraying it with air. You got a real set of chompers on you. It feels horrible.

Pain? Just so uncomfortable. Wow. I don't think I've ever looked at your teeth. Yeah, they're white. Yeah, they're fine. I had braces and shit. Oh, you did?

Yeah. Metal mouth as a kid? Yeah. Did you? No. Are your teeth crooked? They're not great. I'm not going to win any awards, but they're not like...

But that's what you came with. Yeah. Oh, well, that's good. Look up like this. Yeah. The bottom are like a fucking rugby scrum, but whatever. Oh, you've been hitting a mouth and shit? Yeah, true.

Fair point. I mean, that's fantastic for them. I'm 34 years old. Fake! I have some relationship with him. I changed your voice. Oh. I live with my boyfriend of two years, and he's 35 years old.

Basically, in summary, the short story is that he went out last weekend for St. Paddy's Day, didn't come home until 5 a.m. because he went to two random lesbians' house that he met that night. So I want to know your guys' advice and just commentary on what you think happened and if I should trust his story that nothing happened. And yeah, that's it. He told her that he went there.

I know, what the fuck? Right? He told her that he went there. He was pretty open the fuck? Right? He told her that he went there. He was pretty open about it. He was open about it. They're lesbian, just hence how lesbian are they? Well, yeah. If they're strictly lesbian. Are they neat sometimes?

You know what I'm saying? I know what you're saying. You don't have to say that to that. But also, I think that if there's any other reason that you might have to suspect something, like if he's been giving you reasons, then you might question it but if this is like a thing that was weird that happened and he's like listen this is what happened and he was open about it i would i would i would trust also give us the traffic off the 405 yeah yeah i know look at her oh yeah we can't see it we're not gonna show her on the podcast but she does

literally look like somebody that works for ktla all right dudes i gotta fuck all right dude i'll just say everybody love you guys um uh ice house pasadena once you're only 8 p.m shopping friends eric griffin adam carolla other guests love you guys love those guys i love fucking uh adam carolla and i love i saw adam carolla you can leave i got this bro no go ahead um no go ahead no i'm worried about you no i'm saying i ran into him at the uh airport the other day he's the best he's the best i'm going that's where i'm the best i love adam Carolla. You're like, oh, I'm so nervous. No, I ran into him at the airport the other day. He's the best. He's the best. That's where I'm at.

The best. I love Adam Carolla. Oh, you're going now? Oh, cool. Oh, tell him I said hi. I love that dude. Tell him I saw him at the plane. Stay back.

First podcast job. First podcast job? It was Adam Carolla. Oh, yeah, that's right. You did Carolla? You did this basically for Carolla or what? Yeah. I mean, they had other guys.

I basically learned like Kevin. Oh, wow. Yeah, those guys are awesome. Were you over the in glendale where they do it yep yeah yeah that's so cool dude i was i saw adam at the uh in the airport and he was the shit and he uh was going to fucking florida and we're on the same flight dude i did a fucking thing we'll end after this but i did a thing with with Adam Carolla. Or I flew to Montreal with Adam Carolla. I think I've said this on this podcast before. But I flew. I was in front of him. This guy is so talented, man.

Adam Carolla is so... There are these people in the world that do what they were born to do on this planet. And his thing is fucking talk. His thing is talk. He is so good at it. He's so interesting at talking. Him doing a podcast just makes so much sense. He's in the right era. He was born in the right time. Now podcast is a big

thing. This is what he does. Dude, he was on the plane to Montreal. Montreal flight from LA is like six plus hours. This guy was behind me. I knew him, but he was sitting next to another comic because we were flying to JFL. Man, I tell you, and this is no joke.

I'm not exaggerating. He didn't stop talking for a full minute. I noticed the first 30 minutes. I was like, man, he didn't stop talking yet. I was like, is he ever going to stop? He never stopped talking and i and he was in conversations and he never stopped talking people were talking to him and he wasn't even not talking in the conversation for a full minute i kept track of it because it was so interesting and and and everything he was saying was either funny or interesting or and i was like

he's he gonna dude he did not take a minute break from talking it was one of the most it was like people like free solo when they climb to the top of the mountain you're like that's fucking amazing that's how amazing it was so my hat's off to that motherfucker dude i love adam carolla he's great um and uh and that's it but yeah so that's it I'll be in Minneapolis I will be in Milwaukee tomorrow I'll be in Minneapolis the next day shooting my special get tickets chrisley.com

I will be in Ohio I will be in I got dates coming up from like you know I'll be in Nashville I'll be in all those places but yeah so chrisley.com for that and like and subscribe. And do give us some comments here. Help pump the algorithm.

And that's it, dude. Thanks, Chin, for being the fill-in for Eric. I think that you were better than Brian Callen. And arguably better than Eric, too. So we might have to talk about something. We'll see you next week with Eric and the regular cast but thanks a lot guys Thank you.