The Golden Hour - Baby Ostrich & Italian Vendor | The Golden Hour #57 w/ Brendan Schaub, Erik Griffin & Chris D'Elia

Episode Date: December 1, 2023

Bryan Callen makes a surprise appearance, Brendan gives an update on his newborn baby situation and the guys talk the future of Food Truck Diaries, the worst UFC tattoos, Mario Batali's hilarious apology, Garth Brooks' viral Facebook post, Erik in a movie with Ray Romano and much more! Get the full episode plus two extra episodes every month at https://patreon.com/thegoldenhourpodcast DraftKings - Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app NOW and use code: GOLDEN

I'm Walter Masterson. And I'm Maximilian Clark. And we're basically journalists. No. No, we're not. Well, we do travel across America and interview people. Yeah, using God to solve murders, and it's proven communication. Tell me everything about that. But we also dress up like extremists and sneak into their protests.

I care about children. That is why I pay my court-mandated child support. Well, that's undercover journalism. Okay, and that time we pretended to be Trump's legal team during the indictment? Trump loves America. He considers us all family. That's why he's always asking us for money. Okay, so we are not journalists. We're TikTok comedians asking questions real journalists are too

smart to ask. But we also talk to real experts and scientists and smart people and stuff. And make fun of them. Yeah, I guess that's why we named our show We Are Not Journalists. Because we're better. We have a podcast. A podcast that's available on whatever podcast

app you use to get your podcasts. Podcast. Podcast. We're friends that app you use to get your podcasts. Podcasts. Podcasts. Podcasts. We're friends that laugh. We're friends that shout. Sometimes we don't know what we're talking about. But that won't stop us.

Nothing can stop us. Ooh, yeah. Cause I can show you used to love. Just rebrand it enough. Dude, I woke up today and I'm so tired. And I just can't wake up. You look like life's kicking in the dick. No, but it's not. I got good sleep. I've been having a good time.

You know what? You look like life's not ripping right now. No, that's when it rips. No. That's when it rips them up. You look like paler than usual. Maybe you're not feeling well. No, I feel fine.

But I tell you what, this lighting really, I think you guys are trolling me with the lighting on this. No. I don't normally look this crazy pale. Sometimes I catch a clip

of Golden Hour, I'm like, oh, come on, guys. Yeah, dude, you're vampires. Nah, bro. But dude, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't,

those guys, we're on the same lights. Why do I look better in congratulations? Why do I look better in Lifeline? Because you have a makeup artist? Yeah. Dude, don't stand for it. Why do I look better on congratulations? We're on the same lights. Why do I look better in congratulations? Why do I look better in Lifeline? Because you have a makeup artist? Yeah. Dude, don't be bringing that tired energy down.

I don't understand it, bro. Your boy is buzzing. I'm buzzing, dude. Baby gets out of the hospital today. Just got the call. Wow. Baby's coming out. That's amazing.

They said they went in there. She was like this. Where's my dad? Really? Where's my dad? Wait, how long has she been in the hospital? She had emergency surgery on Monday night about 4 a.m. And then it went zero to 100.

And it was super dangerous. And then, yeah, so since Tuesday morning. Since Tuesday morning. So it's been a week. Been a week. Couldn't touch the baby. Couldn't hold the baby. My wife held the baby for the first time yesterday.

She's been in the NIC unit. So, you know, with the lungs, they weren't sure. She had breathing, too. It was rough. Your wife? No, my baby. Oh, fuck. It was rough.

Let me take these off while I'm being serious. It was rough. I'm sorry to hear all that. I know. But. Made it through, though, huh? Made it through, baby. Oh, fuck. It was rough. Let me take these off while I'm being serious. It was rough. I'm sorry to hear all that. I know. But made it through, though, huh? Made it through, baby. Here's the thing. Now you three strong.

Baby's coming home today. And my Ford Lightning, we thought it was a lemon, took it to the guy today, the wrench wizard himself, Eddie. And he's like, oh, it's your fuel pump. He got in, right? He's this big Mexican dude. He knows cars. So I get there. I'm like, wait. And I'm like, where's Eddie? And I'm like, he's just he's his mex a big mexican dude he knows cars so i get there i'm like waiting i'm like where's eddie and i'm like he's a giant mexican has to be eddie

he goes get in your car man let's go for a ride he's like scoot over all right damn diva so he gets in and i'm talking it's your fuel pump just run lean it's your spark plugs i was like you sure he's like i would bet my last dollar. I've been doing this for 25 years, son. I'm like, whoa. I said, well, let's just get in the shop and see. He's like a Long Island medium. Dude, gets in the shop, hooks it up.

He goes, oh, yeah, it's your fuel pump. It's your spark plugs. This thing's ready to go, man. He was the mechanic Holmes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Luther of mechanics. He's the Luther. He was like, hmm, your fuel pump is from Florida.

Yeah, that's exactly. Luther of mechanics. He's the Luther. He was like, hmm, your fuel pump is from Florida. Yeah, that's exactly what he's doing. It was worked on by a guy named Manuel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah, that's good, man. And I like how that was a quick transition, huh? You know, NICU baby right to Ford Lightning. Well, I don't know.

The pleasure, the happiness from the Ford Lightning seemed powerful. More? Is he more? Yeah. But you know what's crazy? He was like, yeah, my baby died in the NICU. My Ford Lightning! Lightning is running, baby.

You know what's crazy is the new baby is like, I'm not coming out until that lightning's up and running. I was like, oh, she's a gearhead. That's my baby. It was just like, boo. You know, how's the Ford Lightning? How's the Ford Lightning? Oh, it's having trouble? All right, so are my lungs.

But you know what's crazy? You know when you first meet someone, it's a little awkward, and you're trying to small chat? You did that with the baby? Yeah, I did it with the baby, yeah. And she was like, you're a redhead. No, but when I was in the car, I'm trying to break the barrier. I'm like, yeah, how long have you been doing this, man?

And he can tell you. He's like, shh, just shut the fuck up for a second. Yeah, that's good. It's field pump i wish you should have taken him to see the baby i know he's like it's her lungs it's her left lung it was uh put in by manuel in florida it's a florida lung he's like he was done all right guys like that like that's the kind of yeah they're real yeah dude like an expert because i took it to ford they're like oh it's this it could be the transmission we don't know we can't diagnose it and then literally he was driving he's like how these dumbasses not know this your fuel pump spark uh spark plugs the gaps in the park plug yeah he's

like they're not firing i was like damn but you're good like as soon as you leave i got it he's like oh no guys yeah he's like he's like he had cameras it. He's like, oh, no, guys. You know what I mean? As soon as you leave. He's like, he had cameras on, so I had to do my thing. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's good. Relieved, man. It's a lemon, bro. Glad that's working.

Nah, it's not. That's the good news, daddy. Don't bring me down with your tired energy. So was it like no more food truck? I'm feeling a little bit better right now. You went from food truck to truck? Food truck? Oh.

No, I was just sick of booking guests. Oh, you're not doing food truck anymore? No, it's not canceled. We have one coming up soon, but it's not. We used to do two a month religiously for five years. Yeah, I don't. And then when I went on my own, I was like, bro, this is just too much work. I'm trying to cut back.

Booking guests, I don't even understand. I don't do that. I don't ever want to do that. I do my podcast on Congratulations by myself. I'm chilling, bro. You do the podcast on congratulations it's by myself i'm chilling bro you do the podcast with your brother yeah i cannot imagine it's the art of booker no my brother's good he's easy to book i cannot imagine being like i hope this guy shows up tomorrow oh it's do you know i'm saying oh no we've had fighters where with fighters yeah where the we buy him a

you know first class ticket from new york like, damn, it's hard, man. I missed the flight. You're like, God, really? What? Yeah, cool. But did you make another one? I'm like, I don't even know what to do, man. I'm like, well, we ordered the truck and the sound. Oh, wow, really?

I'm like, four grand in the home. And he's like, yeah, I'll just zoom in. I'm like, well, fuck me, right? You can't eat the taco if you zoom in. I'll eat it for you. You can't eat the Korean short ribs if you zoom in. We got a truck. Yeah, it's just Chin holding the iPad like this. Nightmare.

You know, he takes the taco from behind the iPad. You just. The other thing is that show's been going on five years. It's a great run. How many food trucks are there? It's a great run. And then also. True.

How many fighters can you interview? Oh, really? You got a fight coming up? Oh, you're going to win? Oh, cool, man. Oh, but wait. Why just – is it – I don't know the name of it. I'm sorry I don't watch it, but it's like fighters and food trucks?

Food truck diaries. But does it have to be fighters? He blew his mind. No, not at all. Let's get other people on. No, I feel – well, you could expand it to other athletes. Why does it have to be athletes at all? There's other people besides athletes?

Yeah. I could get Tim Salmon. Oh, man, I hate to tell you guys, my entire network's around fighting. I know, I know, I know. Not this one. Should I have chefs on? Not this one.

Not this one. Well, no, this is different. This is under a thick one. Oh, right, right, right. This is comedy. True, true, true. Should I get is under a thick book. This is comedy. Should I get Fred McGriff? Dude, I have a wicked cold, huh?

Dude, should I... You think comics are flaky. I know. There's nothing worse than booking comics. I could imagine fighters are flakier than anyone. Oh, comics are the worst. Oh, not even close. I don't think so. I guess I wouldn't know. I don't book anyone. Yeah.

Really? Comics? That's hilarious. By far the toughest. Yeah. It's a beast. I'm just saying, what I mean though

is it could be anyone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why don't you book? If I wanted to focus on it and like put effort and I could expand and be on like, you know,

do athletes and do comics and whoever else you guys think and celebrities are the worst. You're booking like straight up. Well, yeah. Ron Perlman. beyond do athletes and do comics and whoever else you guys think. Celebrities are the worst. You're booking straight up. Well, yeah. Ron Perlman. It's not going to be no burrito.

Reese Witherspoon. You know what I'm saying? Look for him at Griff. There he is. Oh, he is my fave. There you go. With the same mustache. Is that the don't do drugs?

I know my shit. It's Tom Amansky's baseball drills. Oh. Eric, it's Tom Amansky's Baseball Drills. I used to love those type of videos, man, back in the day. Like, my shit was, like, all those Jordan videos. You know, they used to do them all. But he had the best ones.

Jordan had the best ones. But everyone had them. Larry Bird, Dominique Wilkins. Bo Jackson. Yeah, they had these, like, VHS, you know. Really? Yeah, they were great. I got to find them. I still have them. And it was, like, a highlight. Bo Jackson? Yeah, they had these VHS really? Yeah, they were great. I gotta find it. I still have it. And it was like a highlight reel kind of? Yeah. Or there's like how-tos.

You're like, but I don't want a 42040. Right, right, right. Run faster. The end. Yeah, Jordan's just like, look, this is how you dunk a basketball. You're like, but I'm a white kid. Where are they? I bet you would sell these and make money. That's how N1 popped up, right? Was that what the N1, is that what it's called?

N1 was like those trick videos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hot size. That's what that was. Those were all the basketball players that couldn't make it and then still want to talk smack about the NBA. Did you see what happened when Kobe showed up? No.

Kobe Bryant rolled up there and was like, oh, you guys do this stuff? I'm like, yeah, but you can't handle it like this. He's like, cool. He destroyed. Really? Of course. Kobe Bryant rolled up there and was like, oh, you guys do this stuff? I'm like, yeah, but you can't handle it like this. He's like, cool. He just rolled. Really? Of course. Well, because they're like travel.

I know that. Double dribble. They're like, all right, that's not basketball. Yeah. There's a guy, Cadillac. They call him Cadillac. He was, I don't know, 6'8", 400 pounds. Oh, he seems like he'd be good in the NBA.

Yeah, bro. He'd die. He'd just die. I think they had one guy try out. I forget his name. He was a baller, though. He tried out for Milwaukee. Not the professor, right?

What's up? Not the professor? No. Professor never made it. There's a guy, he went to Milwaukee. That's the white kid, right? Yeah. His name's Austin.

Ray for Austin. Ray for Austin. Skip to my Lou. Yep. Austin made it. But he was in like, and he was like ultimate and one guy, but in the NBA, just. Dude, get them all on Food Truck Diaries. Where's the taco?

Oh, oh, oh. What is it? 80s breakdancing all of a sudden? Well, I mean, that's what they do, right? Look at traveling. Look at... That's him with the chalupa for the food truck. That's him with...

I call it Cadillac. Like, he passed away two years ago. Yeah. Okay, well... Yeah. Well, well. Yeah. Will you run? Is hot sauce ready? What is the average?

I think that in an NBA basketball game, how many miles do basketball players run? I mean, it's actually a crazy amount of cars. Soccer's like nine miles. Premier League's like nine miles. The soccer thing to me is fucking crazy that they just never stop running. And that's why they're all so skinny. Their legs, bro.

I love their legs. I want to have good legs, man. I was working out legs the other day, dude. Forget it, man. Dude, you post that picture on Instagram. You're jacked. Really? You're jacked.

You even said something. You're like, daddy's looking swole or something. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You have a black shirt on, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it was beige. You better slow down, dog. You better slow down.

Yeah, bro. People are going to start to hate you. It was white, actually. People are going to start to hate you. When you start to get swole, it's a hate fest, bro. I can deal with the hate. I've been dealing with it since I was four. Yeah?

Yeah, dude. It's a hate fest. Fuck your brund deal with the hate. I've been dealing with it since I was four. Yeah? Yeah, dude. It's a hate fest. Fuck your brungling. Dude, I love it, dude. Dude, I was doing crazy shit with my legs, man. It's all good. I don't want to talk about it. Did you get more ink?

Yeah, man. We don't want to talk about it. When are we going to stop? It won't. It's coming from an ink guy. You're going to have a mountain sticking out of your shirt all the time now? That's what's up. What are you, Everest? Can we start calling you that? Chris Everest?

You know what? I like the bird. The artist owns 50% of it. I like the birds, though. Yeah, man. The birds are back there. I got to get a tattoo for my new daughter. Let's see it, motherfucker.

Take it off. The artist owns 50% of what you do. You own 50%. If you think it's Everest, you think it's Everest. Dude, it goes all the way down, bro. Take your shirt off. It's not healed yet. I'll do it next time. We want 50%. If you think it's Everest, you think it's Everest. Dude, it goes all the way down, bro. I don't... Take your shirt off. It's not healed yet. I'll do it next time.

We want to see the progress. Damn, it's a mountain up to your throat. Damn, you did throat. Yeah, I did. Things are different, dude. Never going to get a job at a bank. Yeah. I want to.

Or, you know, anywhere, really. Yeah, that's it. I got to ride this comedian thing. I want to To the wheels fall off I want Two years You're at

Bank of America Trying to be a teller Crate and barrel And they're like Ooh Is that a neck tattoo Do you guys have Ew

No but I got this shit I'll take my shirt I'll take my shirt off Fucking next week dude It'll be all healed Bro you're gonna go crazy You're gonna be like What

Dude it's gonna be dope You're going to be like, what? Dude, it's going to be dope. You're going to go to the face, aren't you? I don't know, but I got these birds up here. Bro, it looks nice, man. I agree. I like the birds. I like the birds.

I can't tell with the tip of the dick, I think, but the birds are. It's like an uncircumcised dick is just coming out of here. I can deal with whatever. It's a little bit of a Brock Lesnar vibe, huh, Nick? Yeah, like you're... No, the sword? No, wait. Pull that up, pull that up, pull that up. You know Brock Lesnar has that sword?

It looks like a cock. Pull it up. I mean, it's a dick and a half, dude. That's weird. Yeah, that is weird. And they try to put blood coming out the tip, but it looks like semen. Oh, no.

Oh, yeah. Did he tattoo blood? Yeah. You guys want me to spice things up? No, man. No, no, please. Take your fucking regular clothes out of here. Yeah, no. Oh, yeah. Did he tattoo blood? Yeah. You guys want me to spice things up? No, man. No, no, please. Take your fucking regular clothes out of here. Yeah, please.

What do you mean by regular clothes? Look at this guy. Oh, you match your sweater to your beard. That's sick, dude. This is like a Snuggie that you put on like a little baby. Yeah. Oh, God, dude. Hey, B, B, B, look.

He got more ink. He had a mountain and he had birds on his neck. He got little birds, huh? That look like ticks. You look like you've been in the forest and you got fucking ticks that burrowed themselves in your neck. You're stupid, bro.

Who the fuck gets birds that look like ticks on their fucking gizzard? Dude, they're far away, bro. You don't know anything about... On your dumb gizzard. What do you call it? You don't have the kind of skin that supports ink. Your skin is sallow. Dude, it's not true, dude.

It's sallow. And I don't think that black ink does well. Because all it does is highlight how sallow and Casper white your fucking skin is. That's good, man. Because I fucking am trying to live a long time. I'm not going to go in the sun. I'm not going to get skin cancer. You, you're going to get skin cancer, dude. Yeah, he has it.

Yeah, on the top of his head because there's no hair to cover it. That's not funny. You're Eastern European, and you're going to die early anyway. That's sexy. Why are you guys looking at Brock? Do you have questions? Because we're talking about chest tattoos. Hey, dude, you're happy you didn't have to step up into that fucking ring, huh?

He would have fucking given you a- Brian, why can't you just be nice? Yeah, why don't you be nice? I don't feel like it because I'm holding a squat and I'm going to London and I'm going to go hunting for partridge and deer at night. Oh, you know what's cool, too? We do a show together. You told me yesterday.

Yeah, you suck, bro. I know. I'm not very good at- Well, get good. Hey, my favorite thing is, he's like, man, I'm doubling down. I'm firing the kid in my show, man. I'm here all the time. I'm going to London tomorrow.

I want to do less, man. I'm headed to London for no reason. Move there. Live there. So we don't have to deal with you. No, I don't want to move there, dude. It's going to be real rainy and real cold. I don't do well in the rain and the cold.

You got a mustache that you have to grow longer down to here, not fucking here. Please grow it down to here. Because you look like you are in the 20s selling fruit from a vendor an Italian vendor in the turn of the century. Get your watermelons here.

You're a bully, bro. You're the only person that I can really connect with. It's because you're both older. You don't want that, Eric. You don't want that. Eric and I talk about important things. No, you don't, dude.

You don't talk about anything important. I talk about important things. Hey, did you wake up today and go, my inspiration's a baby ostrich? Yep. Because you have the same hair, right? Dude. You look like shit. This is a true classic.

Feel it. Was that cashmere? I'm sure it feels nice. It would have to if it looks like that. It feels like cashmere. Do you have to show your ID to show you're over 50 to buy that thing? Right? Because cashmere, nobody fucking wears, right?

It's comfortable, man. It's stupid. It's not. There's Brian's haircut. Spot on. This is like at the barbershop. Is it not spot on? Give me number two.

Dude, they got the barbershop. They got the barbershop in Braggos. Give me number two. Dude, they got the barbershop shit. He brought some National Geographic. I'll take your number three. I'll take the ostrich. Yeah, it's right. Ostriches kick really hard, so I got that going for me. Oh, look. There's Brendan.

Guys, I'm... That's Brendan. That's Brendan. That guy's sick. Brendan would wear that that hat i'll wear that outfit right now yeah and there's callan is it not spot same eyes you both have bad lids right no oh well can i ask you a question all bullshit aside does an ostrich have a groundbreaking podcast called off limits that i just came from another thing in common with it fucking ostr ostrich. Brian Callen, everybody. Thanks for coming in.

Thank you, Brian. All right, guys. See you later. Shameless boy. See you, bro. Have fun in London playing grab ass. Let's take a little break, fellas, because the NBA is here. The game can change in an instant.

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Whoa. That's that guy's tattoo? Yes. What is it? A gladiator helmet? It's a brick oven. No way. No, it's a brick oven.

He loves brick oven pizza. It does look like a brick oven a little bit. What is that supposed to be? Brick oven pizza. All right. Okay. I get oven a little bit, but what is that supposed to be? Brick oven pizza. All right. Okay. I get the joke, but what is it for real supposed to be? I don't know.

It was supposed to be a gladiator helmet. I'm pretty sure after he got it, he never won a fight. Wow. Yeah, you're right. All right. Let's look at more. Alan Belcher's Johnny Cash, also Roseanne. JohnSenseTattoos.com.

Johnny Cash. That looks like, I honestly thought that was Ali. It's the 10 worst UFC tattoos. All right. That's Roseanne NonsenseTattoos.com Johnny Cash That looks like I honestly thought That was Ollie It's the 10 worst UFC tattoos Alright That's Roseanne That looks like The guy that sings

That looks like Wayne Newton Oh it does Dude it does A Vegas Wayne Newton That's exactly What it looks like That's pretty bad

You know what's crazy You get that tattoo You're like Yeah yeah yeah Then someone goes Is that Wayne Newton And then you have to look down and go, oh, no.

Then you go to your tattoo. Yeah, it's Wayne. Spot on. That's hilarious. All right. What else? That ostrich still cracks me up. Spot on. The damage?

That's his nickname. That one's not that bad. That's not that bad That one's not bad No I mean It's too much Unless they misspell it I love when they misspell it It's a little on the nose It's on the nose

But it's not bad It's his nickname I'll go ahead Wait go to Brock Lesser That one's not bad Except for Up close it Because they want it to look like

It's entering skin So it's rounded at the top Just like a dick So you gotta feel The tattoo artist was like Oh shit Oh so it's supposed to be Entering the skin Yes That's where he messed up So it just like a dick so you gotta feel the tattoo artist was like oh shit oh so it's supposed to be entering the skin yes that's where he messed up and so it looks like a dick all right the tattoo artist took creative no way that that tattoo artist didn't know he was making i don't

know man i don't know i think he was like in his mind just like yo or he or he got done and was like he left and told all his friends dude i put a dick maybe or he's like oh no that is terrible he's also from the 90s but okay all right that's chemo man he will fuck you up that looks like a 80s villain in a yeah that's a terrible i mean with the stars white he looks like the body god for godsmack it's just a weird tattoo go to the bottom left one nick on there yeah oh that's that's that's just awful well i think it i think it's the writing to me that makes it okay so what else is there uh but this guy kemo leopoldo this is obviously before yeah his coach is joe son who eventually played odd job in uh or random task in in austin powers and viciously

date raped someone in 1990 and got caught like 20 years later and then killed a pedophile in prison uh it's the craziest story ever and he's in the austin powers movie the comedy yeah nine years after the vicious gang rape he's still there right he's for life uh yeah yeah yeah he and then he killed someone in prison holy shit the more you know just auditioning he's also the guy that got punched in the nuts constantly because that's when the rules were like okay chemo did not that guy no he got he was uh hackleman i think john hackleman no it's not uh keith hackney yeah punched him in the nuts like non-stop odd job yeah odd job wow he odd jobs only in the nuts in that ufc non-stop yeah non-stop whoa i think that's why he yeah do the uh but i still want to see that tattoos though wow. Whoa. Do you think that's why he, yeah. Do the, I still want to see the other tattoos, though.

Whoa, that's crazy. God damn, Nick. That's, yeah, that's a bad tattoo. It looks like, oh, you guys like tattoos? This guy's a shit guy. Oh, that's bad. That's bad. Who's that?

Junie Browning. Junie Browning, yeah. The worst part about that is. Yeah, a rough career, too. The worst part about that is don't get, don't, the negative space of it. Like, just get the grenade. Yeah, just so you have a dirty hand. Yeah, yeah. part about that is don't get don't the negative space of it like just get the grenade yeah just

so you have a dirty hand yeah yeah you're like you're gonna wash that or the diesel he used to be 300 pounds that's okay he shot himself in the leg too who who we're going too fast this guy well you know nick that guy used to be 300 pounds yeah joe riggs and he shot himself in the leg and almost died he's a legend what when bleeding he drives a Cummings diesel that's why he got that tattoo alright okay what's this set? Minecraft? truck joke

he's got his last name on his stomach or is that a video game? is Morecraft a video game? Minecraft I already made that joke did you? a dog dollar bill? hold on what do they say about it? I already made that joke. Fucking God damn it. Did you? Fuck. Yeah, I just did. A dog dollar bill? Hold on. Hold on.

Hold on. I'm trying to see what they're doing. Yeah, what do they say about it? A dog dollar bill? Wait, wait, wait. Paul Ophiolos. I can't look over at your neck. My shit's good.

And have you looking at this tattoo like it's crazy. Dude, these are regular tattoos that look like things. A dog dollar bill? And the venom shit? Nah, I don't fucking, I don't, I don't, you know. You're going to go to the tattoo meetings and they're going to be like, oh, what are you doing here? Yeah. Nick, you know what's interesting about Paulo Filho?

I almost got in a fight with him in Brazil. Who? He tried to fight me after I lost to Nogueira. I was walking back. Had been a translation issue because he confused me with Chael Sonnen. I just got done getting knocked down. I'm walking back like, where am I? I see this guy just talking shit.

I'm like, who's he talking to? Who's Chael Sonnen? I need to see who that is. Are you serious, Eric? Yeah. You know who Chael Sonnen is? No. The gangster from West Lynn?

Even I know who he is. You don't look anything like him. Well, I think, yeah, he just got confused. He's trying to fight me after I lost. No, I wouldn't think he would know who he is. I know who he is, but I've- He's a good fan commentator. You know what you guys just did?

It would be like if you watched a Food Network all the time, and there was a chef named, like, you know, John Bazzese, and then you guys were like, you don't know who John Bazzese is? Yeah, you're right, actually. You don't know who Mario Batali is? Remember Mario Batali when he made the apology and he said, yeah, I'm sorry, and by the way, you can buy my book and great bread or whatever it was? Did you ever see that?

No. Oh, it was so funny, dude. It was so funny, dude. Just look at his apology. This is his apology. What did he get in trouble for? Sexual stuff. I have no idea.

Being shitty. This week, there's been some news coverage about some of my past behavior. I've made many mistakes, and I'm so very sorry that I've disappointed my friends, my family, my fans. Oh, the P.S. is where it gets dicey. My behavior was wrong, and there's no excuse. I take full responsibility. Blah, blah, blah, blah. P.S.

I will work every day to regain your respect and trust. P.S. In case you're searching for a holiday-inspired breakfast, these pizza dough cinnamon rolls are fan favorite. Dude, I mean, the bitches are fire, though. Wait, first of all, that's how you apologize. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And by the way. Dude, pizza dough cinnamon rolls?

You can do no wrong. Fucking bonkers. You know, it's almost like, it was like, it was almost like, you know, like, what are you like, train of thought? You know, like, you know, you're just like going. And he's just like, oh, you know what? You know what? P.S. Yeah.

You know what I'm saying? You're really into it. You're just like, oh, you know, I'm so sorry for everything that I've done. My God, I can't believe I did that. You know what? You know what? Or it's like this. Because he was good. I did that. You know what? Or it was like this. Because it was good.

How about this? The pizza things are right here. And he's like, I'm so sorry for everything that I've done. I'm such an asshole for even doing that. And then it was just, huh. You know what? That's exactly what he did. He made a royal mistake.

He smelled it. He smelled it so bad. Just like this. You know? It's all bad. I can't believe it. Piss. You're so stupid. That's exactly what he did.

He made a royal mistake. What the fuck? Oh my God. A stream of consciousness, this guy. You probably can't have a conversation with that guy. You know what I mean?

Because he's just talking, talking, talking, and all of a sudden he's... Bro, you're out your mind. If you don't think those pizza dough cinnamon rolls are fucking hilarious. Well, they gotta be good.

Yeah, they gotta be. You can do no wrong with my book. That guy was... What is he doing now? Dude, that guy, he was running that game. He was the first one. Hey, what's more cr my book? That guy was – what is he doing now? Dude, that guy, he was running that game. He was the first one.

Hey, what's more cringey, that apology or – we watched the essay – or Garth Brooks jumping on Facebook? Oh, you mean 10 years ago when he did the Facebook thing? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's cringier? Garth Brooks on Facebook is my favorite. That was crazy. Well, it's official.

I'm on Facebook, whatever that thing is. And I'm posting raw, real fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He goes like, I'm in a hotel right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got to regret it. Tom Segura ruined his life over it. Well.

Is this the whole he's a serial killer thing? Shout out to Tom. We're now on Facebook. I really wasn't sure about this at the start. But then a friend of mine said something that just made all kinds of sense. She said, think of it more as a conversation. You know how rich this dude is? I like that. I like that.

But I'm already finding out on my own that it's wiping the walls out between you and me. I really like that. I really like that. It allows us into each other's worlds, or I guess in my case, the hotel room. When I think about things I want to post, I want to post cool stuff, slick stuff, neat stuff.

But most of the stuff I'm going to post is going to be raw stuff like this. Because it's just who I am. Slick stuff, cool stuff. So if this is truly a conversation, then I say let the conversation begin. Who would you rather be, him or the chef? I know, but at this point, I would love for Garth Brooks to be like this, and by the way, you should try somebody.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. These Joe Simmon roles are fantastic. Well, I mean, there's a certain point. Cool stuff, Ross. There's a certain point where you're at an age where it's like you have to let certain things go. Social media is one of them. Well, if you haven't done it already.

Well, that's what I don't understand about him. That's what I don't understand about Brian Cal. If you made it already and you're that big without social media, stay off it. You're so lucky. Well, but my thing too, like I was telling Chet in this. Think of if Britney Spears is never on social media, she would be the starlight of the world. Everyone would be like, oh my my God, she's a legend. Yeah, it just shows you how weird.

But now she's bat-shaped crazy. Yeah. But it's like when I've been – like Ray Romano. Yeah, why would he do it? He's like, he does it. I know, I know. But it's just weird. I was just hanging out with him, and I thought about it.

Slight flex. I was in a movie with him. Somewhere in Queens. Nick, pull it up. No, but you'll find it eventually. But I'm saying he's so rich. There's an era of those guys. Him getting on social media at this point is like, what for?

Yeah, fun, I guess. I don't know. To stay current or relevant? I guess so. Because everyone's on there? Yeah, no. Is that. I don't know. To stay current or like relevant? I guess so. Because everyone's on there? Yeah, no. Is that a movie I was in? Like if I'm LeBron, I'm not on there.

No, no, no. Nike, how much? A billion? But that guy's – Delete it. You'll never see LeBron James in trouble because he has been on that road to be what he is right now since he was 17, 18 years old. Correct.

He's like there's no – they tried. But, like, no, he's like – he's gone through so much scrutiny and everything that, you know, he's just one of those guys. He got it. Yeah. He figured it out. He's using it to think. But, you know, up until Will Smith slapping what's-his-face,

he figured out social media. He did it right. He had a team. He has a whole squad you know he was like let's make sure we get this because it was like

it became a business but he fucked he fucked everybody over he was like oh that's how you do social media then he saw like real talent social media

then it's him on top of Mount Everest jumping on a Tuesday and everyone's like damn here's my taco now the famous people are like no you gotta get on

Epcot Center you gotta get on top of Center. You gotta get on Top Epcot Center. Fuck this. It was a whole production. I know, dude. What do you mean? I don't wanna post. I don't wanna have to post crowd work clips. But we have to

now! I gotta bring a whole fucking team to record me just in case something pops off. And then I gotta cut it together and I gotta put it on a team to record me just in case something pops off and then I gotta cut it together and I gotta put it on a fucking TikTok thanks Matt Rife it's not yeah it was him but it's also others

it's also others 100% you did just call me about that too yeah exactly you gotta post a fucking that means I have to pay for somebody else's ticket. It's worth it. It is worth it.

But also, like, you know, it's like. You know what's crazy? I've been doing crowd work for years. Yeah, of course. Everyone has. Now it's like, I have great moments. And I'm just like, I should have recorded this. It's so crazy.

But I love how people think, you know, you get to a town. Now you have, like, if you're not bringing an opener. These guys shouldn't have got their two cameras. Oh, dude. people think, you know, you get to a town now that you have, like, if you're not bringing an opener, these guys shouldn't get their two cameras. Oh, dude. They think, like, what are you doing? Well, they said three cameras. You might have to sell merch. I'm like, yeah, go ahead. Sell merch, fine.

But it's like this. You got to pay for this fucking crew you brought. It's like, what are we doing? I don't. Do some fucking material. I don't. I know. And I don't.

Look. That's what the tradition is. What people don't realize is there are there's a certain comedian that can't just can't do crowd work and that's fine they didn't develop that muscle

but dude crowd work is easier than material it's so much easier than material and and and

it's just it's just here's but here's the frustrating part too yeah yeah yeah you've been working on your material yeah one two years yeah developing this act yeah It's just... But here's the frustrating part, too. Yeah. You've been working on your material one, two years,

developing this act. Yeah. And someone comes up to you after the show and they'll be like, oh my God, my favorite part of this show is when that lady... And you're like, so not this beautiful...

I've been working on this. I know, I know, I know. That's the only frustrating part. But it's special in the moment. Yeah, but it'd be like going to a movie, man. You're going to a movie, you know, a two-hour movie, and then somebody's like, what's your favorite part of the movie? Oh, I remember when that guy dropped all his popcorn.

Yeah. You know what I mean? So not this thing that 1,000 people worked on. Worked my ass off. Worked their ass off to do. No, you just remember the guy in the theater that dropped the popcorn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It sucks.

But that's what it is. Or my favorite is when they're like, dude, that guy made your show so funny. And it's like, yeah. It sucks. But that's what it is. Or my favorite is when they're like, dude, that guy made your show so funny. And it's like, yo, bro. It was me. He's not the funny one. It was me.

He was yelling at me. Or even worse, when that guy comes up to you afterwards. Oh, the worst. We did it, huh? You and I did it, huh? You know? Yeah.

So you want to like... I just, I don't know, man. I mean, like a lot of these crowd work, a lot of these people who post crowd work clips, I get it. It's a commercial to sell tickets. I mean, you know, that's what I do. But, you know, I don't post many crowd work bits.

But, man, some of these people, they just post them every week or more. Sometimes two, three times a week. And it is, it's wild bro and i guess it's okay if they're gonna they're gonna be selling tickets but bro wow they they they it's just not it's not actual it is part of stand-up but it's not it's like saying it's like you know the five elements of hip-hop like crowd work is an element of stand-up right it's like dude if you're just tagging you're not hip-hop? Like, crowd work is an element of stand-up. Right. But it's like, dude, if you're just tagging, you're not hip-hop.

Yeah. It would be like going to a basketball game, and it's just free throws. Exactly, yeah. You know, the whole game. Three-hour game. Everybody's at the feet of the line. Yeah. You know what I mean?

All right. And the good comics who do it, like, you know, Matt Rife or whoever the fuck, they don't like doing it. Like, he likes doing his act more yeah he doesn't like saying known for that yeah you don't be known as a crowd work guy what's too late whatever you're known for you're known for and you just go with it yeah great like even if he gets frustrated i'm like he's gonna have to do crowd work burke crash you have to take his shirt off you know what i mean yeah it is what it is that's pretty crazy he did that to himself he's never gonna be able to

put a shirt on i know but. People are going to be like... If he did a special in a three-piece suit, it would be weird. He should. That's exactly what he should do. But I also get the people being like... But here's the thing. When he does that, and they think like, oh, he's got to be that guy. But that dude's

an amazing storyteller. The best. Who, Burt? Oh, yeah. When he's telling his story, you're just like, oh my God, you're in it. There's a reason why he Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. When he's telling his story, you're just like, oh, my God. No, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're in it, right? There's a reason why it's so big.

I know, but the thing is, but that one little element becomes like a thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, you're just like, it's like, well, I can't have the stories without your belly being out. Right, right. But that's the thing. That's what Ellen did, because remember when her show first came out, she was dancing all the time.

Then everybody would go there, like, she's going to dance, right? She's like, I don't want to dance, man. So she was just like, I'm not, she had to come out and be like, I'm not dancing anymore. Good. Like, she's going to dance, right? She's like, I don't want to dance, man. So she was just like, I'm not. She had to come out and be like, I'm not dancing anymore. Good. Like, it's not fun anymore. You guys are forcing me to do it. I'm not doing it anymore.

Respect. Respect. Even though I heard she's a piece of shit. But yeah. Well, it was like Jenny Ortega. After Wednesday, every interview, they were like, they wanted us to. Can you do the dance? What dance?

That you came up with? Oh, it's a good scene. Oh, no, it's not. It is. It's so good. No, it's not. It is. No, you're a monster. I didn't watch the show. Watch it. She's doing this?

Oh, yeah, it was great. Bro, let me just, can I just, you guys said Wednesday was really good. I said, you know what, I'll give it a shot. You didn't give it a shot. There's the dance. But I'm not the one with the story, right? Yeah, you didn't give it a shot, though.

It's like an updated thriller. You know what I mean? But without, it's not so creepy. And the music, too? Oh, it's fantastic. She just did a – Yeah, she's a good dancer, Kurt. No, no, she just did a great job in the movie.

Oh, fantastic. I mean, in the show. Anyway, whatever. Let's not go into this again. But – Yeah, we don't need to sell you on this. But – You know what?

Don't watch it. Hold on, guys. Hold on. This isn't really good. But I thought maybe I'll watch it. And then a bunch of Golden Hour fans started leaving comments for me saying like, yo, bro, they're crazy. They're tripping.

It's fucking stupid. Oh, now you want to listen to Golden Hour fans? Oh, now you're reading comments? Yeah, now you're reading comments? No, every now and then I read comments. What, do you have like an AI just like, show me just good comments and agree with me? No, no, no. That would be awesome.

That'd be great. We'd be both at the same time like, fuck, that would be great. That would be cool. Dude, I saw the comment. Like I was telling, I texted Nick separately, but like I- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, what the fuck? What the fuck is going on here, dude?

You guys are talking without the group? I was a little worried as well. Yeah. All you get is, are you up? Oh, man. It's 9 o'clock, yeah? I know better to make people worry. But I was like, yo, bro. Because I checked the comments for the first time in, I mean, months.

Were you just bored to tears or what? No, I don't know. I just was looking. And they're all good. Really? Yeah. And I hit Nick up. I was like, what's the deal?

You just put a bat signal out to the haters. They were like, oh, that's right. I haven't gone on that in a while. The haters are like, coo, coo, coo, coo. Haters unite. But it's good, though. Chris is thinking it's all good. No, but I was, well, I mean, I haven't looked since.

It was fucking however long ago it was, but crazy. Oh, I got something crazy for you guys that just reminded me of something. Have you seen this Aaron Hall? You know how he's being sued? Who is he? Oh, yeah. Aaron Hall's a guy. From what?

He's a guy? From the group Guy. Yeah. With Teddy Riley. Right. What kind of song they sing? You know, it's old school. This is all from the hip hop.

Hip hop. Yeah. But they got sued. they're getting sued together. But he has this article, this video of him talking about like. I saw that video. Oh, he's talking about his dick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How big it is?

Yeah. Bring that up, Nick. Does he show it? I don't know who this guy is. I didn't know who he was either until... Oh, my God. They were the jam, dude. No, no, no.

The music you know. You know the music. Give me a hint of it. It's something like, oh, oh, you know what I mean? But like the fucking... Diddy's in a bit of heat, huh? Sometimes I can't stand you. Well, that thing is about to expire.

It's why all these lawsuits are coming out. Ah. Yeah, there's like a, what is it called? Statue of limitations? Well, no, it's a law that was passed that you have a certain amount of time to read. So that's why all these lawsuits are coming out. Jamie Foxx, all of them. Because there's a time limit for a statute of limitation.

Well, it's not the statute of limitation. It's something else. Yeah, let's just go with that to move a statute of limitation. It's not the statute of limitation. It's something else. Yeah, let's go with that to move on. Let's not explain it. Sometimes it needs to be explained. I know. Do you know what it is? Yeah, come to Golden Hour for explanations.

The niggas out there from Jamie Foxx to Denzel Washington to whoever, everybody know me. Yeah, sure. So everybody know if I say it, I'm going to fuck it to death. I like the fucking public you feel me So niggas can't say nothing about it Them square ass niggas them precious cake little dick niggas I like for them niggas to see how I fuck Like you speak to Joe to see your puffy

Any of them niggas they been at my house They all see me fuck they all know I'm a big nigga A lot of niggas Yeah yeah Denzel knows yeah Well the other dude is like That's the Nick there who's like, this is great for our show. You know what I mean? Keep saying dumb shit, you know?

So he's like. I like the fucking bubbly. And then he has like a song. What's that? The dumb. Then he has a song that he, with the lyrics of the song are like, you know, it's like, the door's locked you can't get away it's like and so then you know people are like saying you know oh this this song

sounds like this woman's allegations and my only question is did that did the song come first or the allegation like to me it's like that sounds ooh, he sung a song exactly how she said it. Right. It's like, okay. Or she heard it. It's so weird. But also, I'm still confused. Does he have a big dick?

Did we solve that crime? Statue of limitations. Let's move on. I would say he's got a big dick. Because the way he's screaming. Are you going to assume he's a skinny black guy? He's also 69 now, I believe. He's 70?

Oh, that interview was a while ago. His dick probably looks like a tremor. Because he looks great. All the black dudes look great when they get older. Yeah, don't be afraid. These are the lyrics. Go back down. What are the lyrics?

I'm sorry, is he famous? Those are the lyrics. Now I have you all to myself. You can put all the other guys all on the shelf. No to run no need to hide all the doors are locked baby i have you inside you can yell and you can hit me it just makes me horny okay that's not that's tough that's the song he wrote dude in court he's like come like, come on, I'm vibing. I'm vibing. And they fucking Universal or whoever put it out just like, yeah. That's crazy, bro. Crazy.

Imagine right now. It's a lot of context when you read it like that. Of course, of course. But you put a beat on that. This is last year. It was a lot of because of drill rappers. They talk about who they've killed. Yeah, this is stupid.

It's art. And it holds up. Whether you like it or not, it's art. It doesn about who they've killed. Yeah, this is stupid. It's art. And it holds up. Whether you like it or not, it's art. It doesn't mean they're fucking. Well, sometimes. Yeah. Some of those drill rappers are like, and then I killed him on 34th and 7th, and then I buried him. I guess.

But you just have to have. It's like saying, oh, Will Smith played a killer in a fucking movie. Yeah, because he kills people, dude. Well. Yeah, that's stupid. It's their song, dude. You, because he kills people, dude. Well, yeah, that's stupid. It's their song, dude. You don't fucking, same as comedy. You make a joke on comedy,

you're like, oh, this is fucking real. No, it's not. I wish I would have seen this. I just saw a video of this. It's like an old school video of a person at an award show type of thing. And it's like the exact thing that happened. The guy goes up, hits the guy, comes and sits down.

The Will Smith thing? Yeah. But it's like from the 60s. What? How did it take that long to come out? I think that someone made that after and they made it look old. Was it fake? Yeah.

Got him. That's just like the allegation. We don't know what came first? The slap or the allegations? Dude, by the way, it's already too fucked for me to know what. If I see a video, half the time I'm like, is that made up or not? Yeah, I'm skeptical already. I know. Bro, it's crazy.

Yeah, that's weird. And now, but think of this. Think of this now. Like if you, let's say. Like Trump, for instance. I'm freezing. Let's say they can make some video. Let's say there is a real video of Trump doing

something terrible. He could just come out and say or anybody could say, okay, that's AI. And then now there will be people that will believe it to their grave. Almost all of them. especially when it comes to Trump.

But there's a fight on UFC. People will just believe what they want, period. It's very, very hard to change someone's mind, period. Especially if they're 40, 50, whatever the fuck. They already made up their minds about so many things. There's a fight on UFC. Ian Garrett came out. His wife sold this WAGS book.

Did you turn the air? It's so cold. We can't do anything with it. It's too cold? Oh yeah. I can turn it on a little bit. Sure, yeah, but you can find a middle ground. Yeah, I'm not getting a running nose. When you're pasty, that's what happens. But there's a UFC fighter where

DMs were leaked and his wife wrote this WAGS book 10 years ago on how to get a famous athlete and marry him. She married him. And I was reporting. I'm like, who knows what's real, what's to believe? They're like, her ex-husband lives with him.

Comes out, it's all fake. It's all bullshit. It's a troll job. Oh, did you see that? She did make the book. She called it satire, but he's not living with her. Yes. Did you see the thing about the guy?

And it's an audio book. It's called a satire, but he's not living with her. Yes. Did you see the thing about the guy? And it's an audio book. The Jewish professor that they recorded him saying like, yeah, everyone in the Hamas, they should kill Hamas. And then they got out that they thought he was saying you guys should kill yourselves or something.

And he lost his job. And it's all fake. Oh, shit. Here it is's all fake oh yeah here it is here it is here it is jewish professor at ufc he looks so sad in that picture yeah but he was just like yeah hamas people in hamas should should die if they're doing terror you know so it wasn't real well he said that about you know something that's what he said and then here the economics professors's interaction with you. He said Hamas are murderers.

That's all they are. Everyone should be killed. That's what he said. I hope they're all dead. He said that? Yes. And then go to the thing. They were like...

They said that, yeah, it changed. One of the things said that, oh, he was saying the students should kill themselves. It's just crazy the way that they repurposed it and changed it. Yeah, it sucks. And I know that we're big on the Gaza thing. We know we talk about it a lot here. We're very educated on it.

We're very educated and we're not scared to talk about it. But, you know, it's just wild. Just cut you right there. Yeah. So people just took out the part where he said hamas yes yeah wow you can do that now with technology that's why it's so scary yeah but you would think the the administration at usc would at least look into it before you fire the guy no they don't because the heat is just like uh you know what just take a take a leave of how easy it would

be looking like no we we looked at because because we looked into it you're good because people are just gonna to do what they, they're going to believe what they believe, you know? And they just don't, it's crazy, bro. Someone like that should just sue. That should be illegal, to lose your job because of fucking him. Yeah, he will. He'll sue him for sure. They should sue.

You just sue. You'll make him look stupid. That sucks. Yeah. Well, you know, I still believe that it happened. It's like a movie. It's like one of those 80s movies where, you know I still believe that it happened it's like a movie it's like one of those 80s movies

where you know they're taking someone's voice to like it's like voice recognition you know then you know it's supposed to be like

my name is Chris D'Alia yeah yeah yeah I am and because they recorded you now they can just do that crazy you see that scam about like

if someone if they call don't say yes or something like that? No. Then they got your voice. They have your voice saying yes and they can like, you know. Oh, damn. Yeah, it's like so many things like that you don't worry about. Oh, they could get us. We said yes a bunch

on this Golden Hour. Did you see Dylan Mulvaney? She was number one in the Forbes 30 for under 30. Why do you think Bud Light sent her a can? What is it? Oh, that's the person? Yeah. When did she start looking like that? Yeah, that's not

real. That's what made me think of it. I want a light now. That ain't real. Don't do that. That's not fair. That's a trick. That might be CGI there. Oh, where's this funny video? What else?

Is that a filter? Also, did Dylan make the hair blonde? That's pretty cool. More power. That's not hard to do. More power to her. It's the least of our worries. Did you guys see at the Michigan-Ohio State game?

They were both undefeated. Christmas there. Two versus three. Michigan won, but this is the J.J. McCarthy's, the quarterback's dad, and this is his girlfriend,

and he got caught trying to... Hold on, hold on, hold on. Yeah, he was like, okay. It looks like he was going to celebrate. He was like, oh, that's his girlfriend. Did we just see the whole clip? Yes. Fuck. He just kind of hit her, right? His computer froze, but he takes his pants celebrate. He was like, oh, that's the girlfriend. Did we just see the whole clip? Yes. Fuck.

He just kind of hit her, right? His computer froze. He takes his pants off. I didn't see it. It'll be okay. I think Eric's hooking it up. Got it. Yeah, you need a new computer for sure.

Yeah, I just got a new computer, and I have my old one. So he smacked her butt is basically what people do. He tried to get a little tickle in. I don't think so. It looked like he was like, hey, all right, that's not her. I think it was like he didn't know who it was. He was kind of like, you just scored and you just kind of slapped it. Yeah, yeah.

We did it. He was like, oh, that's my son's girlfriend. Anyways, yeah. I didn't even see it, so I don't know. It'll have it in 60 seconds. But I don't, yeah, these fucking little videos in a sea of 3,000, 60,000 people. It's just like. That's the big house.

I think it seats 100,000. Well, you know what I mean? I was making a point. But is there like a cancel camera that's just like, you know. Totally. It's like the red light, green light. Yeah, yeah. They're just looking.

They're just like, oh, that looks like something that we can. The cancel cam. Yeah, the cancel cam. So the kiss cam. That's great, dude. That's funny. Hilarious. That'd be... The cancel cam? Yeah, the cancel cam. So the kiss cam? That's great, dude. That's funny. Hilarious. That'd be funny in a game.

It's the cancel cam. So you sit next to somebody, you know, you just turn and you just go like, you spick. Retard. Yeah, yeah. They just... Here we go. It goes and you go. Everybody's like, do it, do it.

Say the N-word. Say the N-word. I sent you a really hilarious joke. That'd be a funny sketch. I think I'm going to make that. That would be a funny sketch. I'm going to make that. Cancel.

All right, so what happened? I mean, it's slight, but I feel like he was. He only got phone. Yeah, he was trying to swipe the phone, man. He's trying to unlock her phone. Yeah. He was trying to swipe the phone, man. He's trying to unlock her phone? Yeah. He looks like he doesn't even know what he's doing. Yeah, I don't know.

The finger thing is weird, though, right? I think he was like, oh, fine. Unless... I don't know. It's all... Yeah, no. It's a piece. You know what I mean?

And it went super viral. You can't even cop a feel anymore in this day. But I mean, that was weird. The finger was like, no. Yeah, but bro, what if, look, look. What if, honestly, he was just going to be like, you know what? Oh, and then forgot it. Like, yeah, I was going to say, I'm not going to say it.

He's like, we're winning. If he would have went like this. Oh, then we know we got him. Ladies and gentlemen, we got him. Yeah. That's a canceled can. If he just came up and was like. That'd be totally different, yeah.

Yeah. That's like, I've seen the hidden video thing where like, you know, they leave a pair of panties in like a dressing room, you know? Oh, yeah. And then like just every guy that comes, every guy smells them. Really? Oh, really? Really?

Yeah. In Japan or where? Every single guy smells them. I gotta be honest. It's a hidden camera in a store. I smell my undies. I gotta be honest. If I saw panties somewhere, I would not smell them. That'd be the last thing. What are you revealing? You're like, I have to be honest. If I saw panties somewhere, I would not smell them.

What are you revealing? You're like, I have to be honest. I would. Yeah, I would. No, but to me, that's wild, bro. You smell a panty, you're a freak. Random panties? And you get a boner?

Wild, bro. Weirdo. Wild. See, you're getting old. Why? Because I'm like, why? Because that's like a young thing to do now? No, just the way you're getting old. Why? Because I'm like... Why? Because that's like a young thing to do now? No, just the way you're saying it. It's very judgy.

Well, we're comedians. We gotta judge. Speaking of getting canceled at sports games, people got mad at this kid. Oh, that's full blown blackface. But no one showed this version of it. Of course.

Oh, that's so lame. That poor kid. And then Deadspin writes an article that the NFL has to speak out about this kid. I saw a quote to you. It's like, do your thing. Get him expelled from middle school. Ruin his life. Wow.

That poor kid. Cancel cam. It's really seven. Yeah. And also he's an Indian. And also their name is the Chiefs. It's really seven. Yeah. And also he's an Indian. And also their name is the Chiefs. I know, right? Yeah.

So did he get canceled or? No. No, you can't. Can you cancel a fourth grader? But like, you know, it's like for once you just want to see all the people tweeting and saying their fucking dumb shit to be like, oh, my bad. Oops. Oh, my. Kevin just sent me this from his personal archive.

But isn't that hilarious? That's funny. That poor guy. He had like an itch on his nose. Yeah, of course. He's probably sweating. They're in the swamp, too. He's probably sweating.

He's like, damn, man. That's hilarious. That's hilarious. That's stupid. That's so funny. Wow. What if he did that and then it fucking showed like jizz in his pants? Uh-uh. Uh-uh.

Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. But he kept going though? Yeah. Like just give me a chance. Defense. Defense. Yeah. Like, give me a chance. Defense.

Defense. Attack. Defense. Attack. So stupid. Oh, my God. Oh, man. We have fun.

We have a good time, man. I'm not really tired anymore, honestly. How much money do you think Dylan Mulvaney's worth? Probably $15 million. Nah. I don't think so, honestly. How much money do you think Dylan Mulvaney's worth? Probably $15 million. Nah, I don't think so. That's so much money. I'll say $4 to $5 million. Maybe.

What is she big from? TikTok? It says right here on obviously Google, so it's not true. It's $1.5 million. Oh, really? Oh, damn. But that's not true. She got big by documenting every day

her transition but then how would she make money off that so does she have a pussy that's i don't think so hey i'll look it up right now yeah but it's just like how do you make money just like how that fucking deep unboxing shit nick says i'll look it up right now. Oh, guys, I'll be right back. They're doing it on YouTube. Monetizing. But brands, were brands sponsoring the post of her transitioning? Maybe. Because then you could make money, but if she's not on YouTube... All it says is her

Dylan's facial surgery. Nothing about sex surgery. Nothing about the... I don't know. It's all like, if you want... I feel like you got to go for the pussy, man. Are you talking about bottom? Well, if you want to really be – you want to really, really go for it. You want me to take you seriously?

Get a pussy. Yeah, I get it. You know what I mean? I don't know, though. Well, go ahead. Okay, let me ask you. Hey, dude, I'm open-minded and I'm willing to understand. I'm just putting this out there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So do you want like everything else looks like everything else looks like the girl but there's a dick. So you're talking about Clive Owen with a pussy. Right. Clive Owen. And you'd be like

you did it. I'm a woman now Would you like to hook up Yeah Out of all the people Cause he's just such a male He's such a fucking dude I'm actually not a pussy

Clive over the pussy He's great on the internet I'm actually not a pussy. Clive Owen with a pussy. Oh, shit. He's great on the impeachment show. In that same suit. You know what I mean? He plays Bill Clinton. Is he turning into Tom Hanks? He kind of is turning into Tom Hanks a little bit.

Oh, that third one in, he looks just like Tom Hanks. Yeah. Clive Owen with a pussy. You're out of your goddamn mind, man. Yeah. So you're saying still a dude in that way Yeah In a way yeah That's what I'm saying

You can't just be like go all the way You gotta like That has to be the last thing So that's why The last thing you do should be to pussy Okay So that's why They have the argument that it's fluid

Because what you know If they say You know You say well I'm trans I'm a woman because I feel like it. It's like, okay. It's like a car project. What do you mean?

So what makes a real car then? Well, once you swap the engine, it's a lot of work. You've got to have everything. So it's the engine and the pussy. You can do everything. I'll still drive it. The engine is the pussy. Yeah, the engine is the pussy.

Speaking of Tom Hanks, I saw this, and I'm sure Chris will be super mad at it. Not to brag, but I got invited to Hanksgiving. It's a party my friend throws every year where everyone dresses up as Tom Hanks. You knew that by the title. There's also pictures of Tom Hanks everywhere. No, I thought you literally got invited to Tom Hanks. I could not believe I was invited.

It's kind of a pretty exclusive event, and everyone goes really full out, like 100%. Could this be a more white person thing? Costumes were purchased for this event that will probably never be worn again that's that is the true love of tom hanks all right um and then we all got just together for a group photo this is you're not gonna buy chat this is terrible i'm really appreciative that he knew i wouldn't like this that nick knew i would appreciate and this makes me hate white people it makes me hate white people. It makes me,

I like Tom Hanks, but now I'm like, I'm not seeing another movie with him. Could I do an Idris Elba giving and do all black men? Yeah. He kind of looks the same in a lot of different movies, though. Deleumis-ness.

Deleu- Deleumis. Everybody just- Or just Christmas. Like Christmas. Or just be Christmas, right? No, you can't. You gotta have- It's Chris. Chris. Chris. He's saying. Or just Christmas. Or just be Christmas, right? No, you can't. It's Chris.

Chris. Chris. Imagine you're Tom Hanks and you just happen to be. In town. You just spell your name wrong by accident and then that comes up. How does that. If you're Tom Hanks and you're Googling or he's just watching Golden Hour for some reason. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He saw his kid and he might be like, Hank's giving? Yeah. You know how famous you are? I know. That's what I mean. And they all, 30 people dress up as different characters and stuff. But how great he just shows up. What if he shows up and people don't believe it's Tom Hanks?

They're like, that's a good one. Yeah, they're like, oh, wow, he really went all out. He's like, you're not Hanks enough. Too much on the nose, Gary. Yeah. There was a lot of halftime performances on the Thanksgiving games that made some noise. Dolly Parton came out as a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader.

Oh, wow. And she wore the mask from the movie The Mask. She's still kidding. Hey, how old is Dolly Parton? 77. 99. She's still kidding. Hey, how old is Dolly Parton? 77. 99. She's kidding. Zoom in.

I mean, this is, are you? Her legs look pretty crazy. Nick was trying to lighten it. Her legs look crazy? She got Chris legs. Yeah. She's almost 80, bro? Yeah.

It's insane, yeah. Yeah, I'm down. Well, then what? But you probably, if you peel her out of that. Whatever, though. You know what I mean? You peel her out of that. Oh, once you release the buttons.

Whatever, dude. Salvador Dali titties? I'm in, man. You know that painter? What? Look up Salvador Dali paintings. Where they're all like. It's just all titties i'm in man you know that painter look up salvador dali paintings where they're all like it's just all titties salvador doll now and then people were making fun of jack harlow's uh yeah this was ridiculous what was ridiculous it's ridiculous it looked like

a school play it looked like a school play oh really what did he do that stage is really bad yeah he came out of the snow globe. It was pretty low budget. Like, it looked janky. And a huge step down from, like, stuff they've done. It's like just a tarp down. What? That's hilarious, dude. I've seen shit like that with Calvin before a ride.

Kristen has that stuff. Calvin before a ride. Kristen has that stuff. And then Ludacris came from the ceiling. Oh, this was so bitch, dude. Ludacris, just how is he still This is an amazing thing that he's still What's the point

of doing that? Just come out and sing. Why do artists think it's dope to come in from the ceiling? It's so dorky. You look so bitch with the harness on. No, it's the harness that does it. I know. I know.

But Pink would do it live. I know. She would be swinging around and shit. So many people do it. It's so dorky. Pink does it the best. Yeah. If you have to pick.

I don't know who does it the best. Oh, no, lights out. And he's just in a harness. If you have balls, he's doing his thing. Move, bitch. Yeah. It took a while to come down, too. That's what I mean.

Imagine a practice. Why coming up from the ceiling? I would just love to see that he's doing it. The thing just goes. And he's like doing it and then it just, the thing just goes and he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, bitch, get me down. Get me down. I could see Matt Rife coming from the ceiling.

Maybe. Eventually. Kevin Hart, maybe. Chris D'Elia. Kevin Hart, they just shoot out of a camera. Yeah. I would never do that. No, I wouldn't. I'm regular, bro. I mean... You're not there yet.

Regular? I'm regular, man. I'm regular degular. I can't see that... The tip of that uncircumcised dick coming off of your chest. There's two dicks. There's two dicks?

It's five by five. Are you doing your back dicks? I don't know. Whatever. I'll just keep doing it. You can't see the back. No, I want to do my back. Yeah, what's the point?

You know what it is, dude? It's too boring to just sit there. How old does your boys have to be for you to be okay with them getting tattoos? Well, isn't it 18? Don't they have to be? They could be 18. Yeah, 18. I think the parents can sign off, though. Sign off. My parents signed't it 18? Don't they have to be? They could be 18. Yeah, 18. I think the parents can sign off, though.

Sign off. My parents signed off at 18. Here's the thing. It's a disaster. You don't know. You're into weird shit at 18. Yeah, that's the thing. If you just wait, I'll get you the best tattoo artist.

Don't rush into it. Yeah, if I got tattoos when I was 18, I would have like an Ace Ventura tattoo. You know what I mean? That's exactly what I have. No. No. Oh, my God.

That's some stupid shit. I have a yuck mouth tattoo. they want to get tattoos they get tattoos i don't care but they gotta i'm not gonna not when they're 11 you know yeah you gotta be 18 but chris so you heard about this uh brendan mentioned this the celebrities that like they will actually pay extra to go under yes yes right so they just do a huge yeah yeah yeah that's it uh Dak no press press got it so did a brown I think Tiger Tiger did his big day are you going for a cult colonoscopy then you just get a tattoo at the same time yeah cool wait are you it like Travis Barker. Can you move over?

Travis Barker did two tattoo arts at the same time on his back, so they complete it faster. But he was out? No, he was alive. He was awake. But it was two, and they're from the same shop, so they do it the same. Got it.

And they just both same time. That's going to hurt like hell, though, dude. But you knock it out half the time. Yeah, I don't know how i feel about that i guess who cares ultimately but like um it's fine till someone dies i mean yeah that's the thing about anesthesia but i mean yeah that's a very real thing about anesthesia but it's very rare tattoos fucking hurt i don't give a fuck who you are don't be that guy's like i like the pain no i don't like the pain no i hate when people don't michael jackson died that, but not getting a tattoo. This was sleeping.

Kanye's mom, right? Kanye's mom, yeah. Just sleeping on a plane. They do that too. They go, put me out on the plane, and then when I wake up, it's crazy. It says around one person. That means less than one out of every 100,000. I don't like those odds.

One of the leading causes of death in the United States is hospital accidents. It's like over 400,000 a year. That's pretty crazy, though. If a woman wants to get her tits done, she's basically saying, I'm okay with a one in a thousand chance of dying. 100,000, bud. Yeah, what'd I say? Whatever it is. 100,000, yeah.

That's crazy. Same as skydiving. I would never skydive. Me neither would I. Well, I wouldn't maybe skydive. You're getting a boob job while skydiving. Probably that goes up. The boob job seems worth it.

You're asleep. It's like you can't pull the thing. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't... I don't know, man. But that's not... So that's very fucking rare to die during anesthesia.

Honestly, this one hurt the most. Ribs are the worst by far. But here's the thing. It doesn't really... It hurts... I saw this online. It hurts as much as a cat scratching you over and over and over again.

So like... What cat is scratching you? Yeah. What do you mean? What cat? Depends on the cat. Well, not a tiger. Not a tiger.

Oh. Well, if a mountain lion's scratching you. But not a mountain lion, right? Because when we say cat, we just think of house cat. So a house cat. Well, you have to leave exotics out of it. Okay. Leave exotics out of it.

A fucking cat that you might see somewhere in someone's living room. a fucking cat that you might see somewhere in someone's living room. But this didn't hurt until they have to go back over it in like the highlight shit. Like they do all the black and then they do a white.

Then that hurt. That hurt. Yes, that hurt. They fucking hurt. What do you need white for? You're already white. So white. Just have that be the...

They don't have to use the paint? Just go white on white? I don't understand. I'm getting so beat up this episode. Remember when glow-in-the-dark tattoos was a thing and black people were getting them? They're going to die from that. That's disgusting.

They're going to die. That's radioactive. They're going to die. Dude, tattoos are awesome. That's disgusting. They're going to die. That's radioactive. They're going to die. They'll die. Dude, tattoos are awesome. Eric, get tattoos. Get... At the very core of being a creator, it's about pushing boundaries and trying new things.

It seems so weird to get a glow-in-the-dark thing in your skin. You better be going to raves. UV tattoos actually contain fluorescence. And in layman's terms, it just means that they're UV reactive. Yeah, no, we know what it means. So when the atoms in the UV... In layman's terms, it just means cancer. The application...

That's fucking crazy. UV is just like any other tattoo ink. It's a lit tattoo once in a while. There's just like a really dark skinned TikToker or influencer. What do you mean dark skin? Really black, really dark.ned uh tiktoker or influencer dark skin really black really dark yeah okay so he's a black dude and then uh he said he did a a portrait of his dad's face and you know how they spray and then they wipe it down right and it was just nothing it's just his arm he made a joke about it was so funny oh he's oh, oh, oh. He's like a black father. Seven hours in the chair and he's like,

hell yeah, man. They just swiped it down and it's like same arm. Black father, yeah. Yeah. It's a tired joke but it's a funny way to do that joke.

Yeah. Because he's, yeah. Because we all know about Eric and Pritnik. Well, actually, your dad was... Not there. You don't even know.

I don't even know. That sucks. Thanks for bringing that up. Well, it's not like you don't think about it. It's not like you don't think about it. It's not like you don't think about it. It's not like you don't think about it. It's not like you don't think about it. It's not. You don't even know. I don't even know. That sucks. Thanks for bringing that up. Well, it's not like you don't think about it. ChrisLeah.com. Chicago. Friday, 7 p.m. It's not like you don't think about it.

Nashville. Austin. I'm in Philadelphia and Redding and Oxnard, California. I just put on Phoenix for sale and Brea. I'm going to be in Phoenix in Phoenix love it there El Paso Albuquerque go get tickets at chrisalia.com and check out my special grow or die at chrisalia.com

I'm in Chicago next week that's next Friday Saturday only two shows Friday two shows Saturday Chicago downtown Chicago baby finally downtown Chicago send me your recommendations for that deep dish casserole you guys call pizza and then Nashville the keep on' Tour in Nashville is one night only, January 25th. And then that Friday, Saturday, the January 26th, 27th, I'm in Austin, Texas.

Get your tickets at thickboy.com. Chicago, see you next week. Well, this comes out Thursday, so tomorrow I'm in Escondido at the Grand Comedy Club, guys, Friday and Saturday. at the Grand Comedy Club, guys, Friday and Saturday. And then I'm not doing a New Year's show, but it's sort of New Year's, the 29th and 30th at, what's the name of that place? It's a casino in New Mexico.

I don't know, man. I only have one thing on there. Go to it. It's over there on the schedule. Quesadillas? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Quesadas. Quesadas.

Yeah, it's weird. Half-off Chalupas. Yeah, yeah. Where is this? Comic-Con Cantina in New Mexico. Where is this? It's at a casino. In New Mexico? Yeah.

In New Mexico? In New Mexico. Eric, I clicked on the link, and it says, oops, event not found. Really? Oh, man, Eric, get this shit together. It's not me. Dude. Someone's trying to kill Eric.

Look, if you click it right there, that's the- No, the Saturday works, but the Friday- That's their website. Yeah, the Friday didn't work, but the Saturday worked. But that's not me. That's not me, dude. Someone's trying to kill Eric. Look, if you click it right there, that's the- No, the Saturday works, but the Friday- That's their website. Yeah, the Friday didn't work, but the Saturday works. But that's not me. That's their website. You mean Quesadillas don't have their shit together? Yeah.

Quesadas. Quesadas. Oh, I hate you so much. It's called Club Cantina. I hate the Cantina part. It's like, I'm fine with everything. Yeah, I totally agree. I totally agree. I totally agree, I'm fine with everything. I totally agree. I totally agree.

I totally agree. I'm fine with this. The stupid name. But cantina? I totally agree. That hurts my feelings for you. I feel like you're going to hear chips and song while I'm on stage. You're crazy if they don't have that weird mayonnaise on their corn there.

It's decent money for my last gig of the year. Hell yeah, dog. Shout out to Quesadillas. All right. All right, guys. We out to Quesadillas. All right. All right, guys. We're out in Chicago. See you next week. Thanks.

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