The Golden Hour - Calabasas Vice | The Golden Hour PATREON #22 EXCERPT w/ Brendan Schaub, Chris D'Elia

Episode Date: September 27, 2023

The guys talk White Snake, Chris' story about Don Johnson and cod fish, hate on 80's stars, all new live call-in's including from a Mormon and a guy in Sweden, Drake in the news, Boozie Badazz, online hack in Vegas, the Babcock controversy and much more! Get two extra episodes every month at https://Patreon.com/TheGoldenHourPodcast

We're friends that laugh, we're friends that shout Sometimes we don't know what we're talking about But that won't stop us Nothing can stop us It's like a show you used to love Just rebranded enough It's stronger, better, bigger power Cause it is the Golden Hour

It's the Golden Hour I don't get jokes sometimes, man. I really don't. My family's like, Bro, you're a comedian. Why don't you get jokes sometimes? I don't get them sometimes. Sometimes you're like

hanging out with a hot chick. What? Oh, my God. You guys are so funny. Yeah. And, you know, people say I should be a comedian. Oh, my God. Yeah.

I'm thinking about doing it. All my friends say I'm so funny. Sweetie. Sweetie pie. It's your big tits. Sweetie pie. Do OnlyFans. Do content on OnlyFans.

Yeah, man. Dude, we're cute, man. How about I look correct? Dude, I look 100,000% Mexican next to you. I need to... Dude, look at you. So pasty. I know.

Dude, I feel like I'm pastier on this show. No, that's you, dude. Vampire skills. I need to get a fucking... God damn it. The Zoom really kind of takes out the saturation. But why am I pasty and other people are as pasty as me but they don't no they don't say that about who oh kristen stewart you have the same skin is that the one married to dax shepard

no that's kristen bell oh yeah kristen stewart married to the vampire she's married to the vampire she's lesbian she's lepina she's lepina that's right she is what's up, Vato? Hey, what's up, homie? Hey. Hey, bueno, bueno. Que es mejor, eh? What are you guys doing? We're chilling, dude. Drinking coffee. What's this, the penis cam you got going? He's driving.

I got my AirPods in. Hell, yeah. Where are you calling from, brother? Salem, Oregon. Salem, brother? Salem, Oregon. Salem, Oregon. Salem, Oregon. All right, bro. Not where the Salem witch is.

Are you guys coming up here or what, man? How far is that from Spokane? From Spokane? Like an hour and a half or so. That's not bad. Like an hour away from Portland. I'm in Spokane on Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Thursday?

When's this come out? It doesn't matter. He's not coming, you know? Yeah, he's not. Listen, I... And I can't make the drive or what, Chris? I drive up for you too or what? I was in Portland, bro.

I was in Portland. I don't know, my man. I was in January. It was okay. It was sold out. Yeah, I'm in Spokane this Thursday Friday Saturday you want tickets hit me up dude I know a guy oh hell yeah yep just him just DM me I'll give you that's a six-hour driver oh wow he said our it's it's it I'm looking around this Spokane oh that's too

long that's a short flight oh you don't know where stuff is around you or what from Salem that can't be six hours I would ever say how are you man short flight. Bro, you don't know where stuff is around you or what? From Salem? I got it from Washington. I'm from Oregon. That can't be six hours. Whatever, bro. Hey, dude. How are you, man? How was the day? You good? Type in Salem, Washington. It's a long day. Long, beautiful day in Oregon. Oh, that looks nice out there, bro.

What are you, in a worker's truck? Yeah. Little C-3500. I got some fucking gravel in the back. I'm going to be able to see that. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Was that a diesel we were working with there?

Hauling it around. Come on, man. Big diesel out here, man. Ooh. Big diesel. Ooh. Top G shit. Man, that's heavy.

But you guys got to help me out with something, man. So I was pulling into my house, right? Yeah. And this group of little kids I let them pass behind a little bike. They're probably like eight years old yourself and One of them they were nice waves and everything was like three or four that called me a bitch And I don't I don't know how to deal with it. I can't let that shit slide So oh wow I steal their bikes or pop their frickin

I can't let that shit slide. Oh, wow. I steal their bikes, so I pop their freaking... What do I do? Wait, hold on. Push them over. But why did they call you a bitch? Because they're kids. Just for no reason.

Yeah, they're little assholes. They're fucking baby kids, man. I understand, but maybe like... I don't know. No, that's bad parenting. Were they on your property? No, dude, just cruising by. Got it.

No, so I was turning left into my driveway, and I just let them pass by Cause I didn't want to hit them Right so They pass by And three of them Just call me a bitch And I can't let

But were they funny about it It's been like three weeks now It's been three weeks bro You're still thinking about it I can't fucking let it But if they were funny about it Like going by I'd be like

Nice truck Biot Like it's kids Can you say How did Can you maybe Boy this is hilarious You're still thinking about this shit Who fucking cares Biot like it's kids Can you say how did can you maybe? What this is hilarious? You're still thinking about this shit who fucking cares now fuck them kids man

Hey were they were they white kids Either that or I have no fucking clue, man. Okay, hold on. Hey, were they white kids? Yeah, of course. Yeah. Tell their parents. Get them in trouble. So wait, hold on. Be a kid. Hold on.

So you, okay, how old were the kids? Eight. Yeah, like eight. They're elementary school. Okay. There's no way they're like sixth grade. All right, and you're 21. Fourth're elementary school. Okay. There's no way they're, Pat, like sixth grade. All right, and you're 21. Fourth, fifth grade around there.

25. I mean, I cannot believe you're still thinking about this. Yeah, I might want to let it go. It's been on my mind. I even told my little nephew who's around this age, their age or whatnot, I said, yo, you got to put the sneakers on right now. Yeah, there you go. There you go.

That's the move. Have your little cousin do it. Real shy and awkward. No, he laughed. He's a little bitch. He laughed real quick. He didn't fucking do it. He didn't want to do nothing.

He didn't want no action. But I bet he has some friends who would do it for some Twizzlers. Well. My fucking little homies. I do. Dude, I told him, I was like, I'll give you $100, spread it, like, split it even with the homies. Do what you want.

I don't know. Here's a couple of bats. Have fun with it. Yeah, fire up the boys, man. Let's stomp these white boys out. This is all bad. Just forget it. Yeah, listen to Chris, not me.

I ain't doing nothing. bad just forget it yeah listen to Chris not me all right well yeah so you have OCD so if so all right so say so say you see these kids again then what will happen will you get mad I know you're'm just a boy. I'm not going to... I know you're not going to do anything. I'm just saying, how are you going to feel when you see them next time? Anger. I'm going to remember it. Well, bro, you can't stop thinking of it.

So, are you going to feel angry when you see them? No, I mean... My foot's going to twitch a little bit like you should just trip his ass right now you guys are right yeah you could kill him with your words do something light him up you know why didn't you say let me ask you question yeah so let me say let me ask a question why didn't you say something when it happened?

Well, okay. I did kind of drive up behind them, and then they started fucking peddling like crazy. They're like, oh, my God, he's going to run us over or something. Oh, all right. So then they were reacting. So I didn't scare them a little bit with the truck. Oh, this guy's attacking us again. You got a little bit of payback.

I was like riding their bikes or anything anything i was like way far behind them i just scared them a little bit make them think that i was going to follow them oh that's good okay so hold on it's all good so you were a dick to these kids and then these kids said no i didn't do nothing yeah you didn't hit them but you applied pressure i'm talking i was a good like 50 yards away. And then I went with my, I tried making it look like I was going to follow them or something. And then they just ran away. Well, so this is exactly what happened. This is like kind of karma happened immediately. These kids call you a bitch, which is not really anything.

And then you're mad about it. What did you want them to do you wanted them to be like oh haha you almost sorry man you're pretending scare him on halloween do trick or treat set it up and scare the shit out of him and you'd be like a scarecrow sitting out on the porch and just kind of punch him or something yeah no i don't think you hit him i think just scare him or give it give him shitty candy give him like fruit be the be the be the dude that gives them fruit or dude we're gonna keep talking in five minutes you'll be like well so here's the thing i fucked their moms i fucked all their moms and then then they called me a bitch yeah that's

a good move it's it's whatever dude it's it's all good it's fine it's definitely whatever it's just i can't forget i don't know how to fuck with him. Well, you got it. The only thing I can come to a conclusion is steal their fucking parts. Yeah. Yeah, you could. Try to date their mom lovingly. Try to, like, lovingly take out their mom. Yeah, be one of their stepdads.

Yeah. And then when they wake up, when you wake up in the morning at their house, you see them eating Cheerios, and you're like, who's a bitch now? Go clean your room. Who's a bitch now? Go clean your room. Who's a bitch now? I'm your mom's boyfriend. It's a long-term plan. Well, whatever.

You might have some anger issues. You have OCD, huh? Maybe we got to go to therapy or something. That might do it, brother. But good luck, man. I appreciate the call. That was fun, dude. Good luck. Don't hurt them kids. Keep scaring them. Appreciate you guys, man. Appreciate you, brother. No, do it, brother. But good luck, man. I appreciate the call. That was fun, dude. Good luck.

Don't hurt them kids. Keep scaring them. I appreciate you guys, man. Appreciate you, brother. No, I'll just scare them one more time. No, we know you're good, man. We know you're good, brother. That was a fun call.

That was hilarious. ༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱༱� Thank you.