The Golden Hour - Cereal Killers | The Golden Hour PATREON #37 EXCERPT w/ Brendan Schaub, Erik Griffin & Chris D'Elia

Episode Date: May 15, 2024

The guys get in a heated debate about candy bars and granola bars and talk favorite cereals, house parties, Brendan's mom being a porch pirate, crazy things their kids say, the Secrets Of Hells Angels TV series, cute Ring Camera videos, Hilary Clinton conspiracies, all new live call-ins including a guy who's coworker microwaves fish at work, TV dinners and much more! Get the full episode plus two extra episodes every month at https://patreon.com/thegoldenhourpodcast

We're friends that laugh, we're friends that shout Sometimes we don't know what we're talking about But that won't stop us Nothing can stop us Ooh, yeah It's like a show you used to love Just rebranded enough It's stronger, better, bigger power

Cause it is the Golden Hour It's the Golden Hour No, Captain Crunch is great. I could deal with it. Also, it's disgusting. No, I like it. Come on, don't go there. It's fantastic.

If I'm now, though, as a 44-year-old man if i'm gonna eat my problem with lucky charms was too many marshmallows are you you're a gay man that's the best part dude what i would do i would buy boxes of just marshmallows that's why you're a fucking bitch no you're a bitch no i'm not a bitch dude you're a bitch i have a developed palate no who's a bigger bitch look you're a bitch no i'm not a bitch dude you're a bitch i have a developed palate no who's a bigger bitch look more people are gonna say more people are gonna say marshmallows were the shit we're not hoes but bro i live life when i'm just like eating the shit and i'm like man i really wish i had another marshmallow why am i not getting it and then when i get one it's so nice and i like it so much that I'm like, ooh, that's really great.

Because you appreciate each marshmallow. Yeah, dude. Add some whole shit. When you have three, four in one bite, you're like, what is going on? Try a bowl full of them. They have that now, just marshmallows, right? I know, I have them.

Which is candy. Yeah, yeah. No, marshmallows aren't even. Fair point. It's not even food. What is it? What is it? Hey, those aren't marshmallows.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not taking those and trying to put them on a stick over the fire. No, you don't want to do that. But hold on. So if I'm going to pick cereal now as a man, not a kid with the palate I have now. You're going Raisin Bran? I would do something like Cheerios or, yeah.

I can't. This is terrible for you. You know what's crazy? Raisin Bran is one of the worst. Is it really? Cheerios? There's a whole thing about this. Nutritional value of cereal.

And you can see the worst. I'm saying the Raisin Bran. But this is what I don't like. This is like nutrition thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. It says Raisin Bran. So is Bran supposed to be good for you?

Raisin? No, it's fucking the worst. Let's see what the worst ones is. I mean, they're all good. They're designed to be good. But I mean mean look at this This is That's hilarious

Just sick of the Newport Newport cereal Newport cereal Just fucking Tobacco Alright Double shot

What the fuck is this This looks like it would be In a movie about a cereal And this is the cereal They're making That one's stupid Crave Keep going Nick

Go ahead What's 170 calories per you know bite that's the thing oh come on sour patch cereal this is some new shit just cookies just cookies all this is straight candy yeah apple jacks i love apple jacks what do you mean like eating them this disappointing that this is the fifth worst because this is the first of the real series yes so this is really number one in my opinion because those other ones are just bullshit i hear what you're saying you can't put cookies in a bowl with milk and say this is cereal those other ones are too new go fuck yourself i understand eric keep going nick this is cereal lucky charm there you go that's a cereal that's a cereal fire yeah but lucky

charms is good fruit loops of course was never a really big fan of Fruit Loops. How is Fruit Loops not... Isn't Fruit Loops have Apple Jacks in them? I don't understand how... They're just different colored Apple Jacks. I never was a Fruit Loops guy. I never liked the mascot. Me neither.

I don't like the mascot. I hate that stupid bird. It's crazy. Apple Jacks over Fruit Loops. Cookie Crisp was... Would you say that's a cereal? No. I understand, but it was still an OG.

Yeah, it was around when we were kids. That counts. Fantastic. Captain Crunch, holler. Cookie Crisp was just cookies and milk, though. That's crazy. But it was like a modified cookie for cereal. Well, I understand.

No, it was just a cookie. They were like little flying saucers. I love them. You're a cookie. Oh, bro. It was a cookie. Yeah, I ate them. You need two bowls of that shit.

Trix, all-time worst. They weren't sweet enough. It was just Fro. Yeah, I ate them. You need two bowls of that shit. Trix, all-time worst. Yeah, but Trix is just Fruit Loops circles. No, the flavor was different. I like Trix. No, dude, they have the Trix, right? No, the Fruit Loops. The shape. The circle that they made, they turned it into Trix.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They never tasted good. It's like donut holes, man. And then also their slogan was, tricks is for kids. Yeah. They used to have shapes of fruit, but now they're just the balls. No, no.

The original was just the balls. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those taste like shit. Just some new shit they're doing now. Just that new shit. Fruity Pebbles is fire. Woo!

Fire. Fire. Pure fire. Hot air! Yeah. Hot air! Fruity Pebbles is crazy. Probably most cereal I ever had is Cocoa Pebbles.

Me too. Yeah. Interesting. When I was an adult living on my most cereal I ever had is Cocoa Pebbles. Me too. Yeah. Interesting. When I was an adult living on my own, I'd be a dick. The milk. The way the milk goes. Forget it, dude. Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey, hey. You finish eating and now it's the best part, bro. Ew. Oh, no. I've never had this. Those are nice. I'm sure they're good. That doesn't even make sense.

Wait, these are bad for you? This is my whole point. I understand, dude. I get it. But what's the deal,'t even make sense Wait these are bad for you? This is my whole point I understand dude I get it But what's the deal dude Because you think These are good 210 calories

One gram of fat Hold up Campbell also mentions Wheat Chex Which may sound like A healthy choice But it happens to contain 8 grams of sugar

Along with 200 grams Dude Trust you Check out Corn Flakes We knew that Frosted Corn Flakes We knew that was bad But that's

That's like a go to Yeah I know Frosted Flakes We know that's Frosted cornflakes. We knew that was bad. But that's like a go-to. Yeah, I know. Frosted flakes. We know that's horrible. The best. Check this out. The best. Check this out.

Cornflakes are worse than frosted flakes. Is that what's happening? That doesn't even make sense. Are you sure? Is this by ranking? It's in ranking. Because isn't the same thing? Just one's frosted and sugar?

There's more carbs in cornflakes, but less sugar. Okay. Okay. Pick your poison. Yeah, man. Honey. Okay. Okay. Pick your poison. Yeah, man. Honey smacks. Oh! Oh, God!

Dude, those came in the silver bag? They came in the tinfoil bag? Dude, I forgot about those. That's my number one. I almost had an aneurysm. Dude, that's my number one. No one's been more excited About anything ever Dude

They did give him A silver bag right That's my number one You know what I didn't like The silver bag Because it's like Who do they think they are That's why I liked it

I felt like I was Opening a bag from NASA I thought it was from NASA Oh here we go y'all Corn pops were the shit That's my jam Yeah corn pops were the shit We still get corn pops

That's my jam Golden Chris was the exact same thing. Yeah, and I always had the Golden Crisp. I like the way the Golden Crisp bear face looks. He's like kind of over it.

Yeah, he kind of has Down Syndrome. Yeah, a little bit. He looks a little bit like my chorus teacher in eighth grade. So go down to... Down, a little.

So what else? Corn Pops? Lit. Frank and Barry. That's one... I don't even know if I had it. I maybe had it once.

What is that? Is that from the 60s? If it's pink It's weird Like what the fuck Doesn't even make sense Count chocolate of course I ate those buns

See there's too many It's never allowed to have that Really? That's hilarious It was because it was too expensive Oh okay So I put it on my friend's Grocery list

But look at that That's funny That's a fucking cereal box If I ever seen one That's a great design dude I think it's the worst one That one was terrible Cocoa Krispies is cool.

Stupid. They're cool. Same as... Not the same. They were never as good as... Ooh, Cinnamon Toast Crunch coming in hot. I mean, the same idea,

but they don't taste like that to me. Cinnamon Toast Crunch is too much. My brother loves Cinnamon Toast Crunch. They're just not good for you. I love them. None of this shit is good for you. And they're all equally... They had great milk, though.

They make great milk. Yeah. At the end... I never liked Cinnamon Toast. Golden Grains. Ooh, I... I loved them. I loved them. I loved them. You didn't agree, too, right? I loved them. They make great milk. Yeah. At the end. I never liked cinnamon toast. Golden Grahams. Oh, I loved them. I loved them. I loved them.

You didn't eat me, too, right? I loved them. My mouth is water. Oh, I loved Golden Grahams. I wish this list went to 100. Yeah, same. Cocoa Puffs were okay. Again, those stupid bird.

Honey Nut Cheerios are so dope. Peep this out. I would get Honey Nut Cheerios when I was young. I'd force my brother to dump honey all over the top of it. And he used to do it for me. What do you mean force? But it was a squirt gun. More honey. Go to the kitchen and get that honey right now. Dude, hold on. They're bad for you, huh?

He'd always make it for me. Lowers your cholesterol. I'm surprised that this list is weird because I've seen lists where they have a raisin bran on there too. Raisin bran is not very good for you either. Well, remember wheat. So these are so bad because of the honey, yeah? What was the big biscuit?

Remember, was that terrible? Yeah. What the fuck? Chex? Wheat Chex? What the fuck were they? That's like. Rice Krispie Treats?

No, no, no. Come on now. The big one, yeah. But they had frosted ones too. You know the big. Wheat. Mini wheats were the little ones. Oh, frosted.

No, it was a wheat brand. Oh, those are... And it was a block. Disgusting. Yeah, disgusting. It was a turd. It was a turd. The Brillo pad.

Yeah. Why am I even a douche? You're fucking doing dishes. Why am I even a douche? Those were so stupid. Wait, let me tell you something, though. Wait, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I get it.

They're stupid, but let them get soggy, and you put one in your mouth, and the way the milk fucking disperses into your mouth, dude. It's a sponge. That's nice. That's nice. It's nice. It's a sugary sponge. I'm eating a douche.

I'm eating a douche. Yes. They were lit, though. And I thought the healthy one was the big, it was like a pound of it with no frosting. Yeah, disgusting. There's some things you look back on. Shredded wheat. Shredded wheat.

Shred shredded wheat. Now when you look back at the nutritional value and stuff, it's just fucking bananas. Hey, here's my thing though. I used to love honey buns. Fuck yeah. Look at this guy.

Look at this guy. That's who eats that, by the way. And you know what? He's been eating that his whole life and he's 35. Dude, this,

that, and he has no teeth. Yeah, he's got to put it in. He puts sugar all over the top of it. And his mouth is like that because he jams those in his mouth. It's so dry. And he just goes, oh, oh, oh. Thank you.