The Golden Hour - Cheer Our Year | Best of King and the Sting 2019

Episode Date: January 10, 2020

Thank you for an amazing year! Take a look at some of our favorite moments, and we will see you January 23 for a brand new episode. Gang gang buzz buzz!To submit to the show email: [e-mail] the subject line, specify whether your submission is King It or Sting It, Debate Club, Rip My Drip, Relationship Advice, or Flaunt My Aunt. In the body of the email, include the attachment, your name, where you're from, and in the case of Flaunt My Aunt, the name of your relative.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Happy New Year's guys! I look tired as shit. Either way, the Rat King is in Europe right now so we're taking a little break but we will be back on January 23rd with a brand new episode for that ass. Giving a little update on Chin's Tinder date, huh? With Carly, I think that's her name. I think I called her Carl, hot Carl. Either way, you get the update on that. Brand new episodes. We wanted to thank you guys for a tremendous 2019. And we promise 2020 is coming bigger, badder, and a whole lot drippier. So thank you guys.

Tune in. We're coming back January 23rd. And we thank you. Gang, gang. Buzz, buzz. Ha, la, la, la, la, la, la. Gang, gang. Buzz, buzz.

Back off my broccolini Get your life together It is Don't touch me bro I'm not touching you dude And Chin's aunt Oh Woo

Woo What the fuck is your aunt's name Chin? Anna What is it? Aunt Hannah Aunt Anna? Aunt Hannah Aunt What is it? Aunt Hannah. Aunt Hannah? Aunt Hannah.

Aunt Hannah? That ain't your fucking aunt. Goddamn. Aunt Hannah, with all respect, can get it! Bro, give it up. Get away from me. Give it up, bro. Give it up with your sweats, bro. Don't touch me. Dude, I fucking knew Chin was holding out. Dude, your aunt fucking some houses on her bro and this is no disrespect

zero bro is she single no she's not single she's married to your uncle she's married to my uncle they have kids they got kids you're fucking right they do look at that mommy look at that fucking mommy she a blood aunt yeah damn she's korean there's part a little bit of korean in there god damn i bet i'd chop it down bro you know what i'm fucking right you would oh i'd share a fucking Yeah. Damn, she's Korean? There's a little bit of Korean in there. God damn, I bet. I'd chop it down, bro. You know what I'm saying? You're fucking right you would. I'd share a fucking double scoop of orange chicken with her and talk about things.

Oh, I'd karate kick her right into my bed, bro. What I'm talking about is she seems like a nice lady. Dude, I'd watch a marathon of fucking The Last Samurai with her with my dick out. What? Jesus, dude. Just flaunt my aunt yeah this is all good bro these are compliments where did she go to school at harvard in texas harvard ever heard of it harvard well there's a lot of schools in texas and there's a lot of not schools in texas um she looks like a nice lady did she bartend or not that's a good guess though i think when she was younger she definitely did yeah fucking right she did i bet she made bank bro what's your

uncle look like a curricular dude oh yeah is he asian or not is he is he out kicking his coverage kicking his coverage yeah yeah like uh he's a lucky dude i'd say he's a pretty lucky dude that he looks like shit no he's no he's a good dude. I'd say he's pretty lucky dude that he looks like shit He's lucky my uncle's it look like shit It's flaunt your aunt say something nice about the And I've been dating I'd fuck her behind at a bar No, I did it you asked if she were if she fucking can put tequila together. Does she drink a lot? I don't fucking know. Does she go to a lot of raves?

Does she do a lot of ecstasy on the weekends? Fuck, I don't know, man. But she looks like she's down. Yeah, what? Down to hang out and have a good time. How old is she? That's a good question. I think maybe in like mid-40s.

Dude, that's the thing about Asians, bro. You need to get you an agent, Theo. You cannot tell. They don't age. But that's the thing about Asians, bro. You need to get you an Asian, Theo. You cannot tell. They don't age. But then 80 comes, boom, Cinderella, father time. They age like fruit. Oh, they disappear at night. They turn into a yellow squash.

But I'll say this, dude. Dude, Chen's ain't good at it. Actually, late 40s, if not 50s. Oh, wow. Late 40s, yeah. Dude, she is. She got a body of her own. It seemed like she was in the gold rush or something. if not late 40s. Dude, she is. She got a body of her own.

It seemed like she was in the gold rush or something. She has a very, you know, kind of authentic sort of look, kind of, you know. Her hair used to be like up here, the Texas, big Texas hair. So she's trimmed it down a little bit, but it's still high. She has a little bit of Southern twang too,

that Texas twang. Come here, honey. Calls her own honey. Yep, darling. Ooh, weak. She looks like she makes some mean fucking bits and gravy. She makes such good food. Texas food.

Brisket. I could see that. She makes brisket. The best brisket. This is wifey, son. How many kids? Three. And they're all your age now? No, they're younger.

Oh, yeah. I could see that. Damn. She seemed like somebody that would get water from the river and like just no medicine does she know anything about medicine or medicine she looks like she gives a good natural cures she looks like she gives a good back rub and then reads fucking tarot cards she's strong oh dude i'd let that lady beat the shit out of me oh me too does she know kung fu she knows taekwondo probably a little bit fucking knew it man she looks like it

bro she's like she can handle herself. Oh, I'd let her run over me with a car until I came. Dude, I would share a full rack of ribs with her at Chili's. Wouldn't give a fuck. Yeah, she seems like a nice lady. And a milkshake. Very nice lady. She seems super nice.

Yep, flaunt my aunt. Flaunt my aunt. Shout out to Chin's aunt. Shout out to fucking Nick's grandma for the sidekick there. Right? The aunt just got outshined. Shout out to Nick's grandma, bro. Hey, dude.

I think we got a segment here, though, bro. I got hype for your family, bro. I got hype for your family, bro. Wow, dude. Calm down, guys. No, I can't. Think about Chin's aunt and Nick's grandma, bro. I just want Nick and Chin to make it out of here safely today.

Me, too. I went, yeah. They got the same DNA. You look like the worst Power Ranger. Really? Yeah, you look like the non-athletic Power Ranger. You look like the worst Power Ranger. Really? Yeah, you look like the non-athletic Power Ranger. You look like the only Power Ranger that can't fight. But still shows up in costume.

I look like the Power Ranger that has a book bag on. You look like the Power Ranger that wants to talk about it. Yeah, dude. You look like the Power Bottom Ranger. Don't touch me, dude. You definitely do, dude. You look like the one while everybody is fucking fighting

has headphones on and is fucking just dancing over the side. In the back, just jump rope. Yeah, yeah. I'm the only brown Power Rangers. Is there a brown one? I don't know, good question. You look like...

You know what I'm saying. I know what you're talking about. You know what I'm saying. Hashtag no races. You look like you got a guy who fucking jump ropes backwards only, dude. That's actually... He spins the rope backwards. That's actually facts.

You definitely look like that, dude. I feel more comfortable going backwards. Oh, there's no brown. No brown. That could be us, dude. Bro, you look like a fucking... I look like a shower ranger. I look like the only one that really

needs a shower. You might have a ridiculous ass, but you always have baggy clothes on. We don't know. You're right. Dress like Roseanne. What else we got? You look like the yellow Rose of Texas. Dude, you look like

Rosie O'Donnell's side piece. And you guys have the same stylist. You look like one of the Fruit of the Loom characters that just shows up on drugs like everybody else is like the red strawberry, the green line. On the banana? And you're the fucking banana that fucking left home early. You look like one of those people from Breaking Amish that leaves and fucking comes back a week later. All tats. Just experienced everything in one week.

In one week? You had a great time? You got 60 tats, bought a bunch of bad shirts, a couple fake rollies in your back. And suddenly you don't know how to use a shovel anymore. You need Sammy Sosa's lotion. That's what he looked like.

Go give me some fucking shrimp. Instead of smoking cigarettes, go get a shrimp. bubble anymore. You're Sammy Sosa's lotion. That's what he looked like. Go give me some fucking shrimp. Instead of smoking cigarettes, go get a shrimp. Get everyone here shrimp. I'm trying to quit smoking cigarettes, and you look like Bubble Lump, dude. Bro, you look like someone broke into your body and just sprayed a bunch of fucking drywall in your cheeks.

You look like security acetobut. Bro, you look like your whole face is soundproofed, dude. You look like you're going to get asbestos poisoning from your own fat cells. You dress like you only fly on Spirit Airlines. I'll give you that. Like you have the most frequent flyer miles on Spirit Airlines. Dude, Spirit is crazy. One guy didn't even have a seat.

They just tied him to the wall. Yeah, you just hang on like a boss. Just fucking. Like what? Dude, you sound like a fat ambulance that didn't make the fucking sports team at school. Yeah, dude. Howdy, partner. He's got like an ambulance that has like nine tires on it.

And all of them are kind of flat. I mean, fat. You look like the kind of dude that gets on PEDs for hide and go seek, man. You definitely think like that. Like, dude, why are you hiding over there where the horses get their medicine? Why are you hiding by the syringes? Why are you hiding by mom's B12 kit? I can't tell.

Does Brooke have one black eye? Brooke is a crossdresser. Oh, Brooke is a man? Yes. No. No, no, no, no. And let's take that part out, actually. Can we do that?

Yeah. I don't want to call Brooke a man. But also, let's also decide first. Can we look at Brooke again? Dude, Brooke is a fine young aunt, and it says she loves plants. Can you look for another second? I will say this. I don't want to get in a headbutt contest with her.

That's all I'll say. Yeah. I'll say this. Brooke, it says flaunt my aunt. Yeah. If I had this aunt, dude, I would definitely let her babysit me. Dude, where's Pete, my uncle? Yeah.

You know what I'm saying? All we do is get these aunts all the goddamn time. Throw in an uncle every now and then. No, we're looking at women. I know, I'm just saying, Pete, my uncle. Don't out yourself, dude. Your friends and family are supposed to do that. Dude, you stopped smoking cigarettes and you're gay now.

I think we should celebrate it by peeping uncles. There's side effects on the packaging, you animal. Whatever. Will you tell us some stuff about this beautiful lady? What do you think about this? She works in a doll factory. Favorite food is chocolate-covered bananas. Of course. And wants to be the one

to break Theo out of his slump. Oh, he's in that. Oh, she wants to be his slump buster. What's her name? Aunt Brooke. I'm looking at the camera right here. Brooke, you want to get to the cheese, gotta go through the bees. Oh the camera right here. Brooke, you want to get to the cheese, you got to go through the bees. Oh, damn. Wow.

Hey. Brendan with a first successful rhyme of 2019. Hey. Unbelievable. It only took him 17 episodes. Although Aunt Brooke, my friend's gay now, so we're going to have to figure it out. Yeah, if I'm gay, you'll know it. All right?

You idiot. You better bring cigarettes, girl. You better bring cigarettes. Touch me if I'm gay, you'll know it. All right? You idiot. You better bring cigarettes, girl. You better bring cigarettes. Touch me, bro. Don't touch me, bro. Shout out to Aunt Brooke. I'm not mad at her. Favorite food, chocolate, bananas.

Okay. What do you think of that, D? What are you trying to imply there? What do you mean? I'm just saying. I like another opinion. I don't like it. It's basically it's a banana and black face, and I think that it's wrong.

I don't know if you guys have ever seen it or not. I didn't want to say it. Don't touch me, bro. I didn't want to say it. I feel like it's a banana and black face and I think that it's wrong I don't you guys have ever seen it or not. I didn't want to say it. Don't tell you what I said I feel like it's a little racist. Yeah now a dark chocolate banana is really It's good. That's that is pretty good. What do you think Derek? What do you think about this dime right here? I'm one of the worst on 10 cents with that mascara on her eyes She looks like one of those girls from the porno videos with the mascara on her. You know what I mean? Oh, the Bukkake girls. Is she holding a cookie or is that- A slice of pizza, it looks like.

A pizza. You know it is pizza. Is that pizza? Are we sure? Yeah. Is this Dave Portnoy in a freaking disguise? Who is this? Mom.

Oh, God. Mom. Why does she have a Barbie thing? What's going on here? What do you mean? She works at a doll factory. Oh, she works at a doll factory, so maybe she is a doll. A doll factory?

Mm-hmm. I thought you said a dog factory. What is that? What is that? A pet smart? Like a puppy mill? Where do you live at in your head? Dog factory.

Again, Aunt Brooke, if you want to get to the honey, you gotta go to the beach. You fucked up your own... You fucked up your own life. I fucked it up. I need to get on cigarettes.

I need cigarettes. Look, I say Brooke got them front cookies, up. Well, I'm talking full life. I need to get on cigarettes. I need cigarettes. Look, I say Brooke got them front cookies, man. Them hitters. Them tits. And if this is a real aunt, because there's a lot of stuff going on here. She's got that mascaria like your boy said, Derek. Zoom in on that. Hold the fuck.

Dude, there's shit all over. No one's noticed this? It's semen, isn't it? Yeah, hey. She's not a fucking semen roll, is she? That's not icing, Theo. Bro, this is a man. Dude, that's not a man.

She's making a porno and this is the end of it. You know what? Don't cut out the part I said in the beginning because I was trying to be. Go back to this. Look at the whole thing going on here. The blonde hair doesn't match the rest of their hair. This is a man's face. And he got busted on.

He must be off cigarettes. Oh, God. He's flying spirit airlines off cigarettes. He works at a doll factory. This is a young fella, man. This is a nice young man who enjoys pizza and getting loads on his face. Well, who knows? Dude, I'm a detective.

I've seen way too much First 48. Hey, case solved. You're a detective, dude? You're the worst detective. You spent six minutes praising this young lass. Dude, what are you talking about? He said a couple nice tits. I'm talking about taking her out for a good time.

The first thing I said was that this young fella. Zoom in. You did call it. You was that this young fella, zoom in. You did call it. You did call it. Hey, hold on. How does no one running the cameras see the fucking semen on this dude's face? Bro, what is this turned into, man? I don't want to be a part of anything like this, man. Yeah, let's put this on this time, but I ain't doing this stuff where I'm looking at semen on some fella, man.

It might be sweat, though. That ain't sweat. That's thick, thick sweat out of somebody's nuts. It is, dude. I'm serious, man. We can do it this time. I'm not looking at this kind of stuff. I didn't come here to look at this.

Go to the next one, Derek. Would your mother want you looking at this shit? No, she would not. She wouldn't like it. Jesus Christ, dude. Do this, do that. This is Austin Pollard. It's going to be tough to beat that one.

Nobody has a rap name, which is weird. We'll give them rap names. Let me hear them. Oh, he looks like he has beats. That's Lil Browz, bro. Browz up, hoes down. Browz up, hoes down. Bro. Brows up, hoes down. Little brow.

Little brow. You guys are from, like, Texas. Get them, Caterpillar Eyes. Yeah. King in the sting. Look. You're named, bro. Fighter in Creole.

Shout out New Orleans and shout out to CO. Colorado more specifically bolder. Brendan came in with a chip on his shoulder. But it's still gold and yet it's still fire. If you don't like King this thing you're a liar Brendan's got like a thousand different hustles one of them's that most of act when tires Son only email like please give me out Pizza drinking half of here now on the t.o. Vaughn looking like the type of dude that tries to read us some I'm high on the list when you snap back on About to hit the crib and turn Snapchat on

It's all good we still mess with ya 1800 Pico Boulevard go get that hit Eric and Kat, y'all doing great Thursday upload not a minute late Y'all wanted to rap I had to demonstrate Brand new studio y'all feeling great Putting Chris Delano in his place Now let's go and get Chenna a date

Oh yeah! Oh yeah dude! This is legit, bro! Dude, little brows was the way, bro! Wow! Bro! Ah-ta-ta-ta-ta!

You dropped something, sir. Bars! That shit was hard, dude! Damn, we're like Breakfast Club now, bro! What's up, dude? Yeah, but you ate all the breakfast. Dude, we're breakfast club. You're DJ Eggs, bro. I'm Charlamagne.

No, dude. You're fucking Lil' Scramble. Yeah, dude. That's who you are. Dude, you got to apologize to this guy. You went in on him. Lil' Browse is dope, though. His eyebrows are fucking Yeah, dude. That's who you are. Dude, you got to apologize to this guy. You went in on it. Little Browse is dope, though. His eyebrows are fucking sick, dude.

Girls pay a lot of money. Look, that's not clowning him. Those bars. Dude, those. Really? You guys thought I was clowning? Little Browse? What?

Dude, I'm little thick. He's Little Browse. What's up, dude? Dude, I don't know. You'd be the first guy signed to Shop Records. What's up, bro? Dude, I don't know. You'd be the first guy signed to Shop Records. What's up, bro? Shop Records. Shop Records, bro.

Shop Records, bro. Oh, I thought you said Shop Records. I thought you meant tow truck. No, dude. What's up? We're like Death Row, bro. Yeah, dude. But with a little more death.

Yeah. No, a lot more row. You feel me? Yeah, yeah. Even Chin turned a little bit of... Chin fucking put his cheese away and started loosening up. Hey away hey chin got the cheese out he's about to get loose yeah chin said go on you like a sharp cheddar what do you like yeah how many of there are there look it's can still only name sharp cheddar i love that that's the only one he likes is sharp cheddar i know chin yeah but you know

brennan was hoping to pull a different cheese out of his brain. And he looked at him like, I love cheese, man. I can name a shitload of cheese. I can name more cheese than you. You cannot, bro. Yes, I can. Let's do it right now. Right now. I'll go, then you go. Ready? Oh, he gets to start with his. Go on. Yeah, ready? Swiss. Oh, bro. I probe alone,

baby. Parmesan. With nobody else, dude. That's what I'm saying. Parmesan. Let me see. Yakety yak. Parmesan. With nobody else dude. That's what I'm saying. Parmesan. Let me see. Yakety yak. Pepper jack. That's what I'm saying bro. Sharp cheddar. We're just going.

We're going dude. That's a serial killer cheese bro. Let me go with that Gruyere boy. What about that Becky Brie? Oh no dude. Is that a real thing? Becky Bree? Bree's a cheese.

He's good with Bree. Bree? Bree's a cheese. It's a warm cheese. God, dude. Sometimes I got the rhythm, and sometimes I got the blue cheese, baby. I feel you, dude. Damn, bro.

He's on the ropes. He's on the ropes. No, I'm not. Bro. Yeah, bro. Oh, no. Yeah, yeah. He's on the ropes. He's on the ropes. No, I'm not. I'm broke. Yeah, bro. No, no. Yeah, he is. He's thinking right now.

I got everyone in the chamber. Dude, how about that Gouda? That's not a cheese, is it? Gouda's a cheese. I know my cheese so well, you think I'm fucking made up. Did he pronounce it right or not? He got it right. He got Gouda.

Once the judges are good on Gouda. Damn, he's good and he's bad because I'm talking about goat cheese, bitch. Goat cheese. Now you better fucking cheese check yourself. Oh, you think I'm done? I think you're fucking done. You think I'm done? You got no more cheeses in the chamber, boy!

That's what I think. I'm loaded with cheese like chin, bro! No, you're not, bro. Keep thinking, dude. Chin ain't shit, bro. Did someone hit up that fucking provolone hitter? No! I said provolone!

He said provolone. Did he? Yeah. It's fine. What's up with that mild cheddar? What's up with that mild cheddar? What's up with that mild cheddar? That's a different type of cheddar. That's a different type.

How about that sweet red cheddar? I got cheddars all day, bro. Sweet red cheddar? That's real. That's a type of cheddar. That's fucking real. That's real. I buy it.

It's from England. It's a type of cheddar. That's real. I'd buy it. It's from England. Sweet red cheddar. Jesus Christ. Whole Foods, dude. Right there. Sweet red. Oh, dude, no. That's a company. No, that's a type of cheddar. I promise.

The company's called something else. Oh, really? Scroll in. It's a sweet red LLC Scroll in. Scroll in. Oh, it's interesting where it says Sweet Red LLC right there. No, no, no. Scroll in. The company's called Summerdale or something like that. Summerdale.

Sweet Red Cheddar. Suck this. Is that real cheese, though? Yeah, that's all I buy. It's another cheddar, though. It's a different type. If we had to go to the judges, I don't think we'd be go the judges I don't know guys let's go to the cheese Chinese over here what do we do somebody let me get the ice

yeah so here's the known how about Asiago okay what's up bro now you go whoa what's up bro you get a fucking cheese mulligan this is a type of cheese. I've just given out for what you're still fucking That's a cheese dude, that's a fucking hookers a nickname, bro. That's a real cheese, bro. You don't need your cheese. I See I'll go for the win that your mom calling to give you more ideas. No It's yellow off ask him Oh yellow cheddar. How about that? No, they're all yellow.

How about something? Do a real one. Do a real one, bro. Oh, fuck. I just slipped on something. What was that? Oh, cream cheese, bitch. Cream cheese, bro.

Cream cheese. Is. Cream cheese. Is that a real cheese? Yes. Okay. That's a cheese? I mean, that's the thing, man. It's like we getting, you know. Is it a real cheese, bro?

Cream cheese, that counts. Does it? Kind of. I don't know if it does. But is it just a style of cheese, you know? We kind of know our cheeses, though, don't we? I don't know if it does. But is it just a style of cheese, you know? We kind of know our cheeses, though, don't we? I don't know. I can't remember if you said this one or not.

Let's play it. That bad mother mozzarella, bro. Did we play that one, did we or not? I don't think so. I don't think so. And now I'm just going. Are you? I got that fucking string cheese, baby.

What's up? No way. What's up, bro? Don't touch me, bro. What's up, bro? Do not touch me, dude. Bosh, bosh, cheese, cheese for the win. No way, dude.

Fuck yeah. String cheese, that's a band. That is a band. That is a band, dude. Okay, fuck, what it is. Type of cheese, that's all I know. String of henna. Let's move on, Doug.

Oh, God. Boy, we did know a cheese, though. I'm proud of you, Doug. We didn't know that many. We knew seven cheeses. We spent 20 minutes going over cheese. Yeah, you did six of the same ones. I had to get detailed on your ass.

I had to go with sweet red from England, bro. Chin, you like a sharp cheddar? Check that shit out. All right. Up next, a little advice for Mark Banks from Iowa. Mark the spark, baby. Blaze it up. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz.

Buzz, buzz, gobble, gobble. Relationship advice. Gang, dude. I've been married for 25 years. it up. I got caught before doing that and she wasn't happy about it. Clearly in a shed. I thought it'd help so I just started again. And I haven't told her yet. She told me last time that I should tell her before I try to do anything like this. And you agree to that. So, the question is, should I tell her? It seems to help with anxiety.

Or should I just Keep on keeping on Oh P.S. Brendan Schaub You're the coolest motherfucker on this planet right now Love you man Whoa obviously

You and your dad haven't been in touch in a while Dude you gotta keep in better contact with your parents man Because Obviously, you and your dad haven't been in touch in a while. Dude, you got to keep in better contact with your parents, man, because it says... Hold on. Are you that dude? You get fucking tits McGee? Bro, that's Mark the Spark, bro. Dude, I love that dude. That dude's blazing high.

That dude's blazing, blazing. Bro, he's so high, he's hitting on you from his shed behind his house while his wife is asleep. He's in a hot shed. He's in a hot shed right there. Dude, I love your shot. Let's play the very end again where he talks where he gives a shout out to Brendan. I just want to see what he says. I'm not going bad on him. Oh, P.S.

Brendan Schaub. You're the coolest motherfucker on this planet right now. Love you, man. Pretty cool, man. What a nice guy. It is a nice guy, man. Smoking the weed, here's the thing if it helps you, especially in 2019.

Right. I do. Correct. Barely got that one. Who gets mad? Who gets mad that someone's smoking weed? Especially with anxiety. If your girl's not down with it, man, then she's not the one.

Now, I don't know if you're getting high and eating all the food. She's not the one. This is his wife. She's 25 years. Why? He made a mistake. He made a mistake. And now he's finding out 25 years later, bro, you can still make mistakes.

I would definitely tell her. I would 100% tell her. And if she's not cool with it, she ain't the one after 25 years, bro. Oh my God, bro. This guy thought you were cool too. That's insane, man. I would never tell that guy. I'm not saying get a

divorce. What are you saying then? What do you think? They're just going to live down the street from each other while he smokes weed? Yeah, some of it. Who's going to hate on someone if it makes you a better person? Well, that's a good point. But I think he's told the wife that he would let her know if he was going to smoke it

and he didn't. So for some reason, he likes keeping it a secret. I think it's like the one thing he can do that his wife doesn't know about. So he must find some joy in that. He's kind of sneaky. Yeah, he likes to have something of his own, which I think is okay i mean but you're not hurting anybody right you're not hurting anybody cheating on her you just shouldn't jacking off the porno in this shed and getting high right

i keep getting high man that's what i would do and if she says uh you know she catches you then fess up to it and say look there you know and then just tell her the truth whatever the reason is why you wanted to keep getting high i wanted to keep getting high because I like doing something that you don't know about. You know, I like getting high. It makes my anxiety better. Dude, I'll tell you about this. If you're getting high and you got a wife, a little bit of weed will make your wife feel like a brand new woman. You know, take the sex to a different place, dude.

Yeah, she's complaining about weed to get her high and then eat her ass like groceries. You know what I'm saying? 25 years, mix it up, bro. Give it up. Give it up. Give it up. Give what up, dude? Life advice. Don't fucking touch me.

Don't touch me with your advice. But keep asking me. Oh, my God. Let's go to Kat and get a woman's perspective. I can't even live right here. 25 years, bro. Keep smoking that hitter. What?

I mean. You just gave the guy nine different pieces of advice, man. I'm hoping something sticks. I throw a lot of things, and I hope he connects to one. He's like, you know what? I'm going to get her high and eat her ass. I'm hoping that one sticks. Now, yeah, you blow a little weed smoke in the bedroom or something.

Blow that booty hole. Right, but you could take her on that tour, but you need to be a liaison there with her. You need to like, you know, don't get her high and leave her in the other room for a half hour, you know, and sneak around the house and ring a bell, dude. No, don't scare her. Don't get her high and play fucking The Conjuring. You know what I'm saying? I'll tell you this.

After Kat's suggestion. Kat, what do you think? Well, why doesn't she like him smoking weed if it helps with anxiety? Because she's 50? Has she never smoked before? I mean, maybe she should get in on the smoking. That's what I'm saying, Kat. See? Or it could just be something that he does away from her if it helps him.

Or it's your naughty little secret. Yeah. I mean, who's he hurting? It's fine. Dude, we had this kid named Caleb, right? And so we got so high one time one of us he was he was about to leave so somebody snuck out and took his steering wheel off his car right so then dude he goes out to his car bro and he was out there for like seven minutes and he comes

back inside and he's like ah and you can tell he's kind of nervous to tell us. He's like, man, I can't find my steering wheel. And everybody's like, oh, you are fucking high, bro. You're an idiot. You're a psychopath. Because people just throw that in. And dude, so we laughed for like 10 minutes. Even he was laughing at the fact I can't find my steering wheel. So in the meantime, the guy went back out

and put his steering wheel back into his car. So then we all go out there as a group, and the steering wheel's back on, bro. And he fucking lost his mind. He thought it was so high. Bro lost his mind. He checked himself into a mental health center, and is still in the mental health center.

Been 28 years, 29 years. So is that nature or nurture, you know? Seemed to work out for him. Well, it's, I don't know. It's kind of a bigger discussion. But what I'm saying, dude, is look, get high, bro. You in the shed, you getting high. I think you secretly want to get busted by your lady.

I think it adds a little bit of spark, a little bit of spice to your life. Dude, I say get high, get your lady in there, get blunted together and send us another video and tell us what's going on. That's what I want to say. Send that Blair Witch sex tape in the shed. Or just send a nice video introducing us to your lady.

That'll work. Shout out to this dude. Yeah, mark the spark, baby, blaze up. Dude, I want to see you get heated and play Fluffy Bunny, too, where you fill your mouth with marshmallows, bro. Puff, puff, give to yourself. Dude, a buddy of mine just asked me about investing in a zoo, actually, in Mexico, in Sinaloa. Have you been there?

Sinaloa? Yeah. Oh, man, they don't have any issues out there. You should definitely do that. Well, some of it's beachside, I think, if you look it up. I don't know if the animals are beachside. Sonola cartel would be the main issues there. That's why they need people to come in and invest. Dude, hold up.

You think you're opening a zoo in Sonola, Mexico, and you don't think you got to grease the palms of the cartel there, bro? You think you're bringing zebras into Puerto Vallarta? And you think you don't have to grease the palms of the underworld? You think you're bringing a bearded lizard past El Chapo and you don't have to grease the fucking palms, daddy? You're out your goddamn mind, bro. Dude, look. Bro, it's not.

I don't know. A buddy of mine got a read on an animal investment down there. Dude, get a read and open it somewhere close to us, man. I'll invest if it's local. It's $4,800 to get in, bro. Can you give me any information, Derek? Luis is here. Fucking help him out, Luis.

Oh. Wow. Wow, dude. He's racist, right? I fucking called him. You told me you were yesterday. What are you, Luis? What are you? What are you, Luis? What are you, Luis?

I'm half Salvadorian, half Guatemalan. I fucking called it, dude. You didn't call anything. I thought it was Native American. But you kept calling Mexican. And I respected him and just kept it very bland. Fuck you, man. Yeah, Latino.

Whatever, Derek. Yeah, whatever, dude. But either way, he's. Whatever, Derek. Yeah, whatever, dude. But either way, he's not even from Mexico. He knows it's a bad idea to open a petting zoo. He's from Central America, okay? Have some respectado, bro. You don't want to open up a fucking petting zoo there either. You know what I'm saying?

In a petting zoo, you asshole, it's a sanctuary for animales. Will you give us some information, Derek? It's apparently not safe to be there for foreigners very risky and don't be out at night the most well the most risky americans can't go there and you're dumbass trying to open up an all white people zoo it's a day zoo zoo it's not a night i'll tell you what this seems like a fucking cover-up for sex trafficking that's what it sounds like. A zoo? A night time zoo is a horrible idea, dude. That's when the animals get frisky.

Dude, what do you want? Otherwise these animals are going to be coming up here looking for homes, bro. We need to take care of these animals on their home court. Hit up Whitney Cummings. She'll send some down now. If you have a giraffe, send it over right now. The air quality is bad today. If you have a hippo, let over right now. The air quality's bad today. If you have a hippo, let me know.

I'll bring my truck. I'll be at the corner of Highland and La Cienega at 9. Drop off your dogs. Take it all, emus and larger. That's what one of our folks said. Please no snakes. Dude, here's what I'm saying. Sinaloa, beautiful daytime.

Is there any images if you click on Sinaloa? How about this first thing that pops up? Showered in a blaze of bullets. Yeah, it's not. No, you're not opening a zoo there, dude. You fucking click on an image. They're all burning trucks. I'm sorry.

Fucking. Yeah, they have the worst. They're all just trucks on fire. Hey, you know what you should do? Open a fucking petting zoo in Syria right now, dude. Like, this isn't the spot homeboy they're all just i do want to open up actually a uh a company like a cling wrap company in syria called syrian rap you think people would buy it no dude whatever dude well listen to this man

animals deserve love everywhere and i think do it it's 48 h love everywhere, and I think it's $4,800. And I know it's expensive, but to know that animals are doing well there. How about in one of the whole cities on fire? Which one are you eyeballing? Right there in the middle. Oh, that's where they're looking for people. Down, down, down. That one.

Oh, that's just a bunch of dead bodies. That's a bunch of dead bodies that were put in the river. Yeah, that's tough. Sonoma, one of Mexico's most violent states. But you know what makes people relax and calm down? Guinea pigs. Si. Animales.

Animales. Oh, look at the sheep, huh? Put your guns away, man. Forget the drugs today, Holmes. Yeah. I like lambs. It's Theo Von's Camel over here, bro. Yeah, bro.

Oh, look, the Rat King have a fucking porcupine up here porcupine that'd be awesome man well look man sorry i want to invest in mexico dude this is how it happens people want to invest in mexico they get turned down by a guy who's wearing an eagle's jacket but doesn't want to support igales huh what about the igales, huh? What about the flamingo? Dude, I like my flamingo. Hey, are there eagles in Mexico? Mexican eagles, look it up. Mexican eagle. Nope, bald eagle.

I would assume he's the America's logo because of, you can only get them here. Eagles in Mexico? Unlike any bird they're found throughout the world the bald eagle is found only in North America. You fucking get so goddamn red, white, and blue. Only found in North America, dude.

That's the Mexican eagle right there. No, hold up. It says the bald eagle only found in North America. Bald eagles are found throughout most of the North America from Alaska, Canada. Wow, fantastic fantastic that nope i didn't see that other part hey guys my name is christian i'm 25 live more in california huge fan of both you guys um but i got a question for you guys so i got a man bun my question for theo is man bun versus mullet this isn't a mullet it's a hockey haircut all right thanks thank you

christian christian wow so crazy that was his name christian wonder who sent that name in right on the very next question wonder if it was maybe the lord maybe the lord strikes down upon us yeah he goes you know what theo's right about christmas yeah king it nope um listen man but man buns are we're a fad unless you're a japanese samurai it's tough to have a man bun these days but where you can hide jewelry though in a man bun you can hide jewels if you're trying to hide some shit in your man bun but to rock a mullet like back in the day everyone was doing it but to do it now i mean that is a big dick energy move you know i'm saying because it not you know you're gonna get some shit for it unless you're in the inner circle unless you're a

fan of theo you're in the circle of fighting the kid and the squad people are going to celebrate you but outside in the real world you take heat for it you think but you yeah they're coming i think you can't be around my kid if you have a mullet like we had before he came over thanksgiving we had a huge discussion really should we allow him in i went listen i know him pretty well and they just kept saying he has a mullet he has a mullet i went i know and we were torn it's and then he just showed up he just showed up i'm like well fuck it well mullets just show up dude you don't expect them dude a lot of times cancer patients you know what's wild is when god regrows their hair it starts at the very back and grows long

there first oh interesting i've never seen that and so a lot of people don't know that if you the first one of the first steps of beating cancer first signs you're beating cancer is your body starts to sprout a mullet and that's pretty fascinating and that's that's a plus that's science that's science and also though and two people that i like most on this earth you and dog the bounty hunter both have fucking mullets both have the same style dog has a shout out to And two people that I like most on this earth, you and Dog the Bounty Hunter. Both have fucking mullets. Both have the same style. Now, shout out to the stylist that can fly to Hawaii, cut his shit, fly here and cut your shit.

So you're single, ready to mingle. Yes. Yeah. Can you use a term that's not from 1970, Brendan? Hey, real quick. Ask her about the weather again, Dorcas Malorcas. I said winter, you delinquent. Let me talk for a second. Yeah, go ahead.

Good afternoon. Do you, have you ever spent time around someone like Chen before? He means Asian. My roommate's Asian. Oh, this is off the good start what's your usual that counts you know um what's your usual type like what type do you go for um i guess there's like kind of like a variety but it's like probably mostly white guys yeah what about off-white? Sure, that works. Okay.

And do you... What do you... God, dog. How has your experience been on the dating scene? Has it been a bit of a nightmare or i mean you're you're a pretty girl thank you um well i'm still single so i mean but that's not your fault i hope not but you also enjoy do you like being single i mean it's kind of fun right uh i think you go through like periods of it But Yeah I think it's fun

I mean you only have to worry about yourself What was the last date you went on Like last week or a week and a half ago I think Are you a serial dater do you date a lot No I mean I like go on dates but I'm not like the type that always has a boyfriend And where do you usually meet these men?

It depends. Sometimes on the stupid dating apps. Ooh, like which one? Are we talking Tinder? Are we talking Farmers Only? Are you on Farmers Only? Oh, for sure. I knew it.

I knew it. Good for you, girl. The problem is a lot of people infiltrate it. I think I've seen you. I think I've seen you on there. It's not only farmers. That's the problem. Other people are getting on there.

Do you like to go to the gym? You said, what else do you enjoy doing, ma'am? Young lady. Yes. Ma'am. I'm not. Sorry. Yeah, sorry.

She's young. Young lady. Jeez. Yeah. Besides the gym, I mean, well, I work,. Besides the gym, I mean, well, I work,

go to the gym, hang out with friends, go to concerts. And you're headed to work now? I'm going to be shortly, yeah. And where are you working these days? I work at an advertising agency.

Gotcha. Sounds professional. And that last date you went on, what did you guys do? Give us an idea of the date you went on. We went ice skating and then got pho. Then you got what? Pho. Oh, okay.

I'm sorry. The line cut out and I was like, oh, damn, you're wild. You're wild, boys. Get up there. All right, boys. Have you ever made love to a kind of a troubled kind of Asian guy? Have I ever made love to a troubled guy? To an Asian gentleman, decent guy?

I've never gone out with an Asian guy guy no okay this will be your first one and chin likes this chin likes this and do you think that you have um do you think that a lot of asian guys hit on you usually or do you feel invisible to them or what do you feel like uh i don't know you probably don't encounter a lot of asians i'm just gonna go on a limb here but you got some flavor with that yeah i could see that but you got some flavor with that nose piercing so i'm assuming you get all sorts of comers what sorry my friend friend is not very wise. Look, let's be honest with each other. How far do you think you see you and Chen's future going?

Can they just go on a date first, dude, and then take it from there? Yeah, I mean, I don't even know him. Yeah, you're right. I've known him for two years, and I don't fucking know him. No one knows him. We have no idea yeah he's like a missing person

that's alive you're like the guy that's like you're on your first date and they're like okay so when are we getting married yes that's exact

sorry my friend's had his own issues with dating um hmm yeah I think you guys need to go on a date

and feel have you ever seen Chin do you know what he looks like uh yeah oh nice I mean oh nice like look at his instagram i watched a couple of y'all's episodes and your and your friend submitted you for this yeah and does your friend what did she say you you're gonna love this guy or this guy seems like a real kind of a sort of a hero like a middle-aged hero or what did she what did she say what Well, it was a he that submitted me. Okay.

He was my old roommate in college. And he was just saying that we submitted you to this go on a date with a chipper. I love this guy. I had to leave my desk to die laughing. And what college did you go to i went to long beach state oh nice oh hell yeah lbc girl lbst actually she's in the lbc though um and then i just was like all right i'm up for it so i honestly had no idea what i was getting myself

into it's awesome you're brave i like're brave. I like your attitude. Yeah, I like your attitude, too. What would be a perfect date for you? I mean, I love red wine. Okay. So, if there's wine involved. Jen, write this down. Okay, keep going. A winery. I see Napa in your future.

Okay, carry on. Jen can't hear while he just wrote down red vines. your future okay can't hear while he just wrote down red vines so if you get a bunch of movie candy you'll know what's going on um let her finish her date though so she has more so red what else sorry um i mean i'm a pretty social talkative person yeah something that like not like a movie where you're just sitting there and quiet yeah that makes no sense i prefer like activities like fun things okay be competitive okay um i don't know i'm kind of like i'm one of those people that's kind of just open for whatever easy going yep easy going you ever been to cockfights before

no and look i'm not saying it's legal everywhere but i'm not saying it's also not awesome to watch it is dangerous yeah it is a lot of them are asking for it yeah you can't get pho after that as well yeah yeah it could be a nice night well look we would love to uh treat you guys to a night a nice night out wherever that is and do something special for you guys and um we don't know what that's going to be exactly yet but we have a nice budget out wherever that is and do something special for you guys and um we don't know what that's going to be exactly yet but we have a nice budget for it and we want you to do something fun if you're willing to take our friend out who also is willing to take you out well i mean he has to ask me himself oh i like your style girl is your voice always like this

or do you have a cult i like it um it ranges i had a holiday party over the weekend yeah hell yeah girl were y'all doing blow or anything like that or what were you guys up to uh it was just a late night of a lot of it was for my company party drugs too or just alcohol just a lot of. Do you fancy drugs at all? Do you partake in any drugs? Like here and there, but I don't really care if someone else does them. I'm kind of one of those people that teach their own. I like your attitude.

Wow. Yeah. You seem like a great lady. You seem fantastic. If things don't work out between you and Chen, I got a friend who looks like Meg Ryan that might be interested in it. Yeah. Leave me alone, Brendan. I'm throwing you alley-oops here, dude.

No, you seem like a great woman. Yeah, you seem awesome. Well, I think maybe you send us some dates you're available. We'll get with Chin's schedule. Hold on, let me check. Yeah, he's available. So then we'll take you from there. Sorry, Theo. Up next we got... Sorry, Theo. let me check yeah he's available so then uh we'll take it from there all right theo up next don't apologize to this fuck hey man thank you derrick for being at least trying to be respectful

to everyone i'm trying to um we got some relationship advice this is angela from spring Spring, Oklahoma. Oh, she sounds beautiful. Oh, shnikes. Get that chest ink, bro. Hey, guys. My name is Angela. Snakes in the front. I'm from New York, Oklahoma. Snakes in the back. This way, I'm needing some relationship advice. My guy that I was with for two years.

Is she a robot? We just recently broke up. We constantly cheated. He's not the only one. Every guy before him that I've been with has felt the need to wander off. Doesn't matter what I do. Keeping up with the house.

Making sure food's on the table. Keeping up with myself. This is the 1950s. Make sure things stay exciting. It doesn't matter. They always come back. That's the thing. Hold on. Sorry. It doesn't matter. They always come back. Hold on. Sorry.

Brennan wants to starve at home, obviously. Let's go back to the middle. This lady. Hold on. Is this a 1950s housewife? Food's always on the table. House is spotless. I don't say much when he walks in the door.

She's just holding the mail. She's like, tell me what it says. I don't educate myself. What are you talking about? And I just, whatever he wants. She is a housewife.

This is what she likes to do. Be at home, do recipes, take care of the house, take care of the kids. Well, that shit ain't working. Oh, my God, dude. Get me out of this, man.

No, that's not. I feel like I'm at a Dave and Buster's and the power's out, bro. That's what I feel. But Brendan's still playing all the games. He's still kicking the ticket machine, wondering why the tickets aren't coming out. Who cares why they're not coming out? It takes 70,000 tickets to get a damn whistle, you idiot. All right, let's let this poor lady finish. No matter what I do, keeping up with the house, making sure food's on the table,

keeping up with myself, making sure things stay exciting, role-playing in the bedroom, doesn't matter. But they always come back. That's the thing. Oh. So I'm just wondering, what makes them want to wander in the first place? Tell me something good. Gang, gang.

Buzz, buzz. Right? Buzz, buzz. Buzz, my little vixen. Buzz, buzz, my little vixen. Buzz, buzz, my housewife vixen. I think she said buzz, bust, I think, at the end. Dang, dude. That buzz had a fast T on the end of it.

Phew. Doggy. Go ahead, bro. You start this one after you condemn this lady's lifestyle I'd love to see how you're gonna dig yourself out of this bro

shovels in the front dude dig yourself out of this shithole you put yourself in shovels in the front shovels in the back man

they always come back I don't know man maybe they take her for granted and they're just not trying to fuck with or maybe she's just too good

and they're like god she might be overwhelming. It sounds like she doesn't have her own shit going on. Get a hobby. Get less tattoos. You know what I'm saying? Well, you don't get less tattoos, Brendan. You can't just do that.

We'll just stop getting them, maybe. Although I think they're sexy. Okay, then why would you say that then? She is from Spring, Oklahoma. Ooh. Sprung. Sprung. Maybeung, Oklahoma. Maybe them boys are out there doing that broke back shit and then come back after the storm. You know what I'm saying? No.

That's not even a good idea, I don't think. But what I will say is this, and I'm sorry, it's a good idea, but I just don't think that that's accurate. What I'm thinking is if these guys are leaving, well, maybe y'all have too many doors on your house or apartment. You know? Talking about taking people prisoner? No, if people can get out easily. Yeah, don't take them prisoner, but don't put four doors on your house. And then be upset if

your spouse leaves. They can fucking get out so easily. Yeah, maybe he's confused. Yeah, do one door. I don't even do a back door. You come in the front, you go out the front. One door. You come in the front, you go out the front. One door. Doors in the front. Doors in the front. That's it, man.

Quit making so many goddamn pies. Sounds like she's cooking all the time. Maybe it's overwhelming for the dude. Maybe you need to mix it up. Start going out on him. Quit making apple pies, cherry pies, rhubarb, pecan, pumpkin. Oh, wow, dude. One pie a week, girl.

One pie a week. Netflix and chill. Oh, yeah. She seems like an older soul. Does she? Nope. I'm a fan, though. I hope it works out.

Do you? Nope. Oh, my God, man. You are just a real strange guy, man. Come on, bro. Don't touch me. Do not touch me, dude. But keep touching her.

What? Look, I think maybe, I don't know. What do you guys think? Let's go to Kat, maybe. Let's go to Culture Corner. Let's get a woman's perspective. Let's also talk to Derek as well, you know? Oh, yeah, dude.

I mean, definitely. She's providing way too much to these guys. You can't do that, especially when you're younger. They get too comfortable, start taking you for granted. How old is she? She looks young. How old is she? Yeah, if you're 19, homeboy's coming on, you got a seven-course meal,

you're dressed like a 50s housewife, and you got fucking, you know, you're doing too much. You're scaring everybody away, it sounds like. Yeah, you could go out the alley and one of the seven doors you have in your house. Yeah. Have a little fun. Yeah, maybe, I don't know, Kat? She may be chasing guys who just aren't ready to settle down the same way she is, too.

Because she's hot. Yeah, that's true. She's young. Maybe she's ready for something that younger guys around her age aren't ready for. Older soul. Exactly. D, what do you think? I think she definitely hooks up with a lot of dudes who attract a lot of girls.

So stop that. Fuck a Seth Rogen looking motherfucker. Yeah. Who's going to be grateful that he's, look at you. You know what I mean? And I bet that problem's done. And then if that guy cheats on you, then it's definitely you. You know what I mean?

Read a book or something. You're saying get an ugly dude. Get an ugly dude. Get an ugly dude. Get an ugly dude. Let's switch it up. Get a few shades of gray. I'm sure you're fucking the same guy

over and over again. And that's why they keep cheating. You're talking about that bad boy hitter. That bad boy hitter. Well, there's an E. That pipe game. There's an E. Yeah, there's a whole spectrum to it.

If you get a guy that's all about looks or something like that, then you might not get a guy that has as much heart or as much gratitude or anything like that. So you've got to kind of even the scale out. It's like if you get a 10 in looks, then they're going to be a 7. It's all relative. It's all evens out.

That's why you want to get that 8. You want to find an 8. The hard 8. That hard 8. The hard 8. Don't go for the 10 fuckboy. Yeah. Get that down a date get that eight yeah date an eight date an eight because everybody can be an eight here's the thing everybody can be an eight if they take care of themselves i don't believe that but i like i like how positive you are an eight's an

eight you know i'm saying anybody can be a five but an eight no if you brush your teeth and you and you i think have you know a little bit of insight the right attitude yeah some self-awareness i think you can be an eight i think a high she can be as a six damn yeah god doesn't give anyone good looks bro trust me i know dude i know you know okay but look what you've done with your stuff dude i'm cross-eyed but both of them are in the same, they're both. They're straight crossed. Yeah. Like a chameleon.

Yeah, it's crossed on the inside. On the outside, it looks fine. Shout out to this lady. I hope she figures out. Quit fucking with them fuckboys, though. That's the problem. Well, I don't know if we didn't help that woman. I feel like we did, though.

We look so ridiculous. You look like a DJ at a rave right now. Dude, you look like fucking Wyatt Slurp, bro. You look like a cop at a rave right now. Dude, you look like fucking Wyatt Slurp, bro. You look like a cop at a freaking bathhouse. Dude, you look like a DJ at a rave. Fucking dip slow. Bro, you look like a dip slow.

Dude, I'm so used to you not telling good jokes. I almost didn't even listen to that. Bro, you? Dude, I look like a sheriff at a fucking transgender lemonade stand, bro. Dude, apparently I'm a gay cowboy. Hi. There's a snake in my butt.

Oh, my God. Bro, you're like Steve Irwin, but the gay one. Dude, you look like the first NASA astronaut who's transgender going to space. Oh, dude. It's a big leap. One leap for mankind. I'm going straight into somebody's wiener, bro. That's where I'm going.

And then they take off their helmets and it's five lesbians, dude. With butch haircuts. I'd be a lesbian, bro. Here's why I'd be a lesbian. One, you can still wear the same shit. You wear this exact outfit. You look definitely like a lesbian.

You're their mascot. No You look definitely like a lesbian. Are you shitting me? You're their mascot. No, I'm not, Brendan. You're crazy, brother. Where'd you read that? Where'd you read that? You dress like that. You look like somebody. Dude, you look like...

You look like you picked your outfit out from that place where you trade in tickets at Dave & Buster's, dude. Dude, you look like a lifeguard of a junkyard. That's true. I do look like that. You look like Patrick Swayze if you got caught in a tanning bath. You look like Patrick Swayze. Bro, with that twink hat on, bro. The twink hat?

Dude, look at your haircut. Speaking of twinks, dude, you look like Kevin Bacon if he grew up in Chernobyl. That's what that tattoo looks like. Wouldn't you get that hat at a Lion King gift shop? That thing looks like shit, bro. It looks like shit, bro. Bro, you look like a fucking endangered species, dude. That people are rooting to go endangered.

People are basically in the woods chanting, you're the last one to be like, kill him, kill him, kill him, kill him. You look like an eclair that Romeo Cronell had for breakfast. You look like you've been through some things, buddy. You doing okay? I'm fantastic, man. Who are you again?

What costume is it? Dude, I'm Woody, and you're Buzz Lightyear. Never heard of either one of them, okay? So I don't know what you are, dude, but it is extremely alarming, dude. And you just think you're an astronaut? Dude, you look like Dallas Returners Club, dude. Like somebody got a refund. You look like you're going through some stuff, bro.

I don't have a mirror. I can't see my outfit, dude. It feels warm. You look sweet, dude. Hey, Theo and Brendan. This is Tanner from Fayville, Arkansas. Wooden pig. I'm one of the 30 people in the state who have internet,

so I'm using it to ask this question for you guys. Who survived longer in prison between you two? Shank, Shank. Butt stuff. Shank, Shank. Butt stuff? Wow! That might be a shirt.

Shank, shank, butt stuff? Wow! Wow! Wow! You know if Theo's holding somebody's pocket and keeping that mouth warm with smooth creamy peanut butter. They said it would take a man 600 years to get out of

that jail prison. But Bernie Schaub did it in less than 60. That's Morgan Freeman right there. Listen, the problem is— And let's don't lie that Derek isn't Morgan Freeman's son, first of all. I can say that. You look like Morgan Freeman, bro. You look like way more.

I look like even more than Morgan. Even Morgan Freeman. You look like more than Morgan. You know what I'm saying? Even Morgan Freeman. You look like more than Morgan. Who would last longer in prison? I think we've got to go to the culture corner, man, because white people are definitely being imprisoned at an all-time high right now. And I can't join the white supremacists. I'm too tan.

God damn it. You're too tall, dude. Rule number one about being a white supremacist. They're not short. Work low, bro. You know what I'm saying? You don't want to be the guy, because know, because the tall ones get hit first. Here's the other thing.

Remember, before you answer, Theo has long hair, smooth skin, and no tattoos. He looks like a lady. Carry on. Answer. Wow. I think the only way Theo survives is. Sucking dick. Yeah.

To keep from sucking dick. Don't say that kind of stuff. At the end of the night, he starts telling one of his Theo stories before they rape him. And everybody's like, oh, finish your story. And he's like, I'll finish tomorrow. And then he gets through prison that way. I'll finish tomorrow. Till tomorrow, fellas.

And they're like, ah, don't rape me. I want to finish the story. And then the next night he does it again and again. If there's any rape, I finish the story. Yep. So you two sleep tight. I'll see you in the morning. Shank, shank, butt stuff, dude.

Shank, shank, butt stuff. I don't think, I'll be honest, I don't think either one of us would do very well in prison. No. Dude, you would be a little fucking Christmas turkey in prison, boy. Me? Yeah. Dude, at least I kind of know how to fight. You would be, you know what I'm saying?

That's how I picture prison going for you. The first minute. Bro, you can't go 40 seconds without talking about another man blowing another man, dude. Dude, not when I look at you. Also, his thing was shake, shake, butt stuff, bro. We're talking about prison, baby. It's not gay in prison. Oh, look.

I'm sweating like I'm going to prison. Yeah, you're sweating because you can't even handle the question. You can't handle the truth, boy. Yeah, I'll admit I wouldn't do well in prison, but I'd do better than this guy. I'll tell you that right now. First of all, you are bigger than me, bro. Your butt is bigger than me and your b-hole. Your b-hole is bigger than mine.

Your mouth is bigger than mine and your nose is very feminine. Yeah, but you can't, my nose, nobody's gonna, they're not like, oh, who's that sexy rabbit with that fucking front hair. Yeah, but they can grab your hair and, come on, bro. Yeah, dude, you're going down, bro. Yeah, I might get shanked, at least I'm not getting butts in my face.

Oh, butts in what, your dick? No. Dude, why you gotta take it there, man? People are putting butts in your dick? I don't know. I've never been to prison, dude in what, your dick? No Dude, why you gotta take it there, man? People are putting butts in your dick? I don't know Yeah I've never been to prison, dude Listen, my problem is I don't know who to side with

It's a race war in there The blacks don't like me I look kind of Mexican, but I'm not Mexican I don't speak Spanish The whites don't like me Yeah, you're that tall Mexican little fucking fun bunny That's all you are Dude, no one's looking at me going fun bunny.

They're looking at you going, that's a fun rat. You know what I'm saying? With long hair and a fucking big old bottom lip. That thing's got the bubonic plague. That's what they're saying. They're not going to be coming at me. What do you think, Kat? Come on, Kat.

Who's surviving prison here? I feel like people would bum rush Brendan and that I think Theo would get away with slinging goods like ramen. I feel like he'd be resourceful like Terry Crews in The Longest Yard. He's that guy who could get you McDonald's. Okay, so you're saying that Brendan would definitely get attacked, bro. You would be

like a meet-up for dicks. No, she's not saying they would rape me. She's saying they would kill me. Oh, you think? Yeah, I think you'd be targeted. Yeah, they're not running a train on me. They're running a train. They're going to be super friendly to you, and then slowly you're like, that's just a hand job. And the next thing you know, oh, wow, okay, it's just with my mouth.

Bro, now it's with my mouth for sticky buns. Okay, you want a Twinkie. Now it's in my butt. That's how it goes. It's slowly. It's a snowball of gayness in prison. Jesus Christ, dude. You're just really different than you used to be.

Don't ask me about prison, bro, if you don't want to know the truth. You can't handle the truth. Oh, I already used that just about two minutes ago. You forgetful monster. No, I remember. You can't handle the truth and you can't handle crunchy peanut butter. So you're not going to survive in prison, bro. I picked crunchy.

After I said it was bumps in the road, I converted you to crunchy. Bumps in the road, bro. That's your fucking autobiography. Bro, here's what I'm saying is this. You think if Brendan's going to get killed in Prison Cat, first of all,

they're going to have sex before they kill you. No, they're not. They're not psychopaths. They're prisoners. They're not librarians. They're still people, Theo. You're an idiot. Sorry, you're not. They're not psychopaths. They're prisoners. They're not librarians. They're still people, Theo. You're an idiot. Sorry, you're not an idiot, but you pretty much also are one. You're an idiot if you don't think your mouth is getting raped within two minutes of being in prison.

Oh, Brendan. Dude, can we get to the next thing? This guy is... 57% Theo. Yeah, no shit. What was the question? Who would survive longer in prison? Gang, boy.

The rats. Yeah, because you'd be sucking the boys. El reyes de raton. El crunchy sucker. You're sick, man. What else we got? No more dick talk, all right? Try my best

Yeah try your best dude Don't fucking touch me But keep touching Right on Next one This is a good one From J-Rod J-Rod is a man or woman

We'll find out It's definitely a dude No girls really submit Questions do we It's definitely a dude Talk fest Oh shit Debate club

It's intense Yes King of the stung, what's better? When you're in a public washroom and you slap out that fat fucking hog? Are you taking a piss in the toilet stall? Are you taking a piss in your rain? Let the debate begin. Hell yeah, dude. Was that the greatest video submission of all time?

Shout out to that dude. Wow, I think we, yeah. I used to lease land from that guy. I think you owe that guy money. I'm sure. From back in the day. I was talking about old Theo. You've turned a new leaf now.

Get your drugs out of his face, bro. Yeah. He had that hog on him. Boy, you see that pork sausage? That wasn't turkey, bro. Hell no. That's that his face, bro. Yeah. He had that hog on him. Boy, you see that pork sausage? That wasn't turkey, bro. Hell no. That's that real deal, bro. That's that former John Hamm, bro.

You know what I'm saying? Dude, this one's easy for me. I don't like the urinals. Like, I was just at the mall. I don't like the urinals because you can see everyone's cock up to. You know what I'm saying? You can peep and see everyone's dick. I like the little bit of privacy.

And we've talked about this before. If you look at other parts of people's bodies you don't see their dick you know like if you look at somebody's eyes or you know their face their chin um shoulders legs feet hands elbows yeah biceps back small the back yeah teeth there's way more places to look so if you're looking at people's dicks you're gonna see to see them. But you can't make eye contact, bro. Yeah, you shouldn't be because you're all peeing together. Yeah, but yes, straightforward like a goddamn psycho. I like to see what's going on.

I'm also, I think it's the movie True Lies, like two bad guys come behind me. So I'm looking at the reflection and the little metal part coming off. I'm worried someone's going to attack me. So what I like to do, I like to go in the privacy one. I like to just show them I got that super soaker, and I fucking pump into that thing, bro. You piss really fast and hard?

Hard, like a super soaker. I want everyone to know I'm bringing that fucking RP. You're not, though. I hate the guy that does that. He goes in there, and he pees as fast and as hard as he can for four seconds, bro. That's me, bro. That's me. And he's empty.

You take your time? Oh, dude, I will piss for two and a half minutes, brother. I'll make a plant in the hallway jealous, brother. You know what I'm saying? Oh, I drip all day, daddy. Drip, drip, drip all day, daddy. They're like, who is that guy, you know? Look at that guy go.

What hydration system is he on, bro? Look at the guy go. Yeah, is that filtered? I heard one guy say, man, is that filtered i heard one guy say man is that filtered beautiful that fiji one i'll say this a urinal no thank you okay first of all it's like a gang bang at it on a drain it's like oh can this drain it's yes it's a lot going on in there and then there's always that asshole who writes on the wall yeah like with the phone numbers there's graffiti on the wall there's always something nasty on there but i wall. Yeah. Like with the phone numbers, there's graffiti on the wall.

There's always something nasty on there, but I like to go in and out, bro. Cause you don't want to be there for too long. Cause homeboy next year is fucking dropping Osama bin Laden. Yeah. Real hit. It's like you get out,

bro. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't mind being in a bathroom for a long time. So I guess you have to be, you know, we're kind of from different sides of the track when it comes to that. in there i got a question for brendan when you're peeing in the

stall are you lifting up the toilet seat or are you leaving piss on the seat for the next person to sit down in because i've rousted two people at our old building for doing that dude case by case case by case if i'm at if i'm at the gas station get the fuck out my face wipe it down nah man nah man if it's at a nice place like i'm at the the grove or something i know it's a nice bathroom some dude's been holding that shit in all day he's after me i'll lift that seat case by case yeah well that's a good call i respect the case by case on the uh on the toilet seat now i had an issue one time i was trying to get um a little bit of gas and they uh and so i went into the urinal and it was one of those you know

they had a couple urinals in there you know it's like a family style and in the bathroom i mean and while i was in there some nutcase came in there you know some deviant and it was a hitchhiker i think or some guy that just you know wasn't going you know didn't care where he was going standard yeah he came in there got feces out of his body, rubs it on the door and everywhere to get out. Now I'm trapped into this fucking doo-doo spackled us into the room.

Wow, like a shit gingerbread house. Oh, dude, yeah. Now I'm caulked into the room. They had to bust out the window and get us out through there, bro. God damn, bro. Trauma, bro. God damn, bro. This trauma, bro. Oh, man. It was just, ugh.

The shit viper just attacked. The shit viper. It's case by case for me. So it's case by case. But look, I'm not afraid to be at a urinal if some of the guys there are nice guys. I don't like pissing around mean guys. Me neither. Or if they're mugging me.

The other thing, too, about that privacy of the big bowl, sometimes you want to play a game, someone will come in there with horrible diarrhea and spray the sides and then you can knock that down with your pee and knock it down.

It's kind of like an Atari video game spaceship with your piss. Everyone's looking at me so weird. Or not. You know what? Urinals.

I will never, well look, I cannot believe I'm talking to a man who urinates on top of other dudes dookie dude sometimes that happens it's case by case bro you haven't been on the road enough then you ain't a road dog i have bro you haven't i've pissed on a lot of things in my life okay i pissed indoors outdoors upstairs off buildings moving vehicles dude i pissed on i tried to piss on myself in a jet once sure but i've never urinated on top of another man's stool then you ain't living brother

and what else we got i'm glad to be dead well can you see me yeah i can see you why what are you talking about oh oh dude you've been on set are they remaking hook no i'm remaking are you not bang rang rufio from hook pangar you not Bangarang Rufio from Hook? Bangarang, bro. Bangarang Rufio? What? Are you talking about my handicap? I'm talking about your eye patch.

Yeah. I have on an eye patch, dude. I'm challenging myself. Because a lot of... Everybody's always running around with two eyes. Look at you guys. Look at him fucking with both of his eyes. Both, bro.

Bunch of fucking weasels, bro. And it's time for you guys to step game up and challenge yourselves. You know? Haven't you ever heard of the guy who fights with one hand behind his back? Nope.

Well, there is that guy. He's around? And that's who I am right now. And I got this eye patch on and I'm rolling on one today, dude. You know what I'm saying? I'll fuck all y'all up with one eye, bro.

Yeah, maybe. Yeah, yeah. I guess it's cool. I figured you came off the set of hook the remake or pirates of the caribbean and you're like an extra and you're johnny depp's partner dude there's some you look like jack sparrow's side piece that's what you look like right now bro there's why do you have earbuds there's oh do i i didn't realize that sorry it's you know you're gone full hollywood i'm sorry i wasn't even talking to you. What'd you say?

I'm on the call. No, it's my agent. Yeah. We're live. Wow. Bro. I've been on set for one day. Comes with a fucking bedazzled eye patch and earbuds.

Wow. Bro, you got to go hard these days. You know, you got to challenge yourself. And I tell that to everybody, all you young men out there and young women and um and people in the middle all them you know uh mixed crotch bad boys out there what i'm saying is this challenge yourself okay tie one of your legs behind your back you know put a um tuck your dick between your legs and bulldog your nut yeah for a day yeah for a day how they live check it out walk backwards you know what i'm saying uh do an eye patch um tie one of your hands so your mouth shut yeah glue one of your arms to your side do different

stuff and challenge yourself don't just be doing what you're doing all the time man it's inspiring thank you very much man i appreciate it bro inspiring bro that's that rat king boy you know sometime that you know i don't need two eyes bro you could not and i'm not even trying to clown it you could not look anymore like the real life rat king from ninja turtles he had an eye patrick really i think so he had something over his eyes if i recall dude i'm devolving right into him true life i'll be the real rat king mtv's new series it's getting bad here i did have something over his eye. Yeah, he had some issues, too.

Oh, wow. He's swolled up, though. Very strong, huh? You guys dress similar. Look at his legs, too. Very nice. You got a cockatiel on them, too. Damn, get your dick out of my face, rat man.

Very nice legs. But no, look, I'm just, yeah, look, shit's getting hectic out there, you know, and I'm ready. I'm training for the end of the world. We had a guy, Buzz did pool toy repair, dude. It's not a big business. That was the problem. No, it's not booming. I say lip injections. I say no.

Even if you have nothing, though, Theo? Even if you have that little twizzler for an upper lip? I'd rather see that fucking Lester Holt. And Lester Holt, if you was a real crime hunter, you'd fucking track down your upper lip, daddy. And I'll fucking say that. I think I've said it before.

Oh, wow. But Lester Holden has zero upper lips, bro. Holy fuck. Bro. Yeah. You don't tell me he would look a thousand times better. With two lips. With two lips?

Like he only has one. Like someone bit off the top. Yeah. Like he was some whore in the early 90s. She bit off his top lip. Oh, yeah. With ShamWow's ex-girlfriend. It looks like he had a little bit of maybe too much Coke one time,

that fucking hard-hitter Coke. And he just ripped it off himself. Yeah. Thought it was, yeah. That front piece. Dude, I just feel like you've got to have some lips, bro. That fucking top soft bumper. I don't think you have anything heavy, though, dude.

If you kiss a girl that has those injections, it's like trying to eat a piece of hard sushi. Not if you do it right. You're talking about that eel? No, not if you do it right, hard sushi. Not if you do it right. You talking about that eel? No, not if you do it right, though, man. If you do it right, you go to a good doctor, they look good, man. What's up, boys? Matty Mack.

I'm a huge fan. I wrote you this song for the King and the Sting. Beautiful skin. I'm hoping that you like it enough to use it for the intro. Look at the veins in his arm. It's the King and the Sting. Talking about anything. Oh, man. Damn, bro.

Made me want to pull my pants down. Please don't. Mm-hmm. Said if you know what's trending Set it in the field with Brandon They just remember having an empty So don't you dare get offended It's king in the stand

You better get that cannon And bring it You twist it up And we'll bring it out of the box Without thinking Yeah Oh, wow. Hit that high note. Octavia Spencer, bro. Hitting them Octavia. All right.

Celine Dion and this bitch on the beach. Dude, how is that not the official song? How is that not our official intro?