The Golden Hour - Crack One Off | The Golden Hour #159 w/Brendan Schaub, Erik Griffin & Chris D'Elia

Episode Date: November 21, 2025

The boys discuss their underwear, review the new Frankenstein movie, preview the new season of Stranger Things and talk Erik's crazy traveling week, Brendan's Texas Gala experience, Chris' enthusiasm for his upcoming body scan and "roasting" his kid, Brendan accidentally calling his girl the B word, farting stories and much more! Get this episode AD FREE + 2 PATREON ONLY episodes/month only at https://patreon.com/thegoldenhourpodcastTempo - For a limited time, Tempo is offering my listeners SIXTY PERCENT OFF your first box! Go to http://tempomeals.com/goldenQuince - Go to https://quince.com/golden for free shipping on your order and 365-day returnsDraftKings - Don’t just watch basketball – Pick. Play. Cash in! Download the DraftKings Pick6 app now and use code GOLDEN. That’s code GOLDEN — play just $5, and get $50 in Pick6 credits.Hims - To get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit https://hims.com/goldenSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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please contact Connix Ontario at 1866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. We're friends that laugh, we're friends that shout, sometimes we don't know what we're talking about, but that won't stop us. Nothing can stop us. Ooh, yeah. It's like a show you used to love, just rebranded enough.

It's stronger, better, bigger power, because it is a golden hour. You know what, dude? There's no bad ideas, you know. It's just that we're not going to do that way. There's bad ideas. Well, yeah, there are bad ideas. But anyway, I'll tell you what, it was a bad idea for me this morning. Macros?

No. You know what? I want to, I want to get it. I thought about on the way here. I thought about how to ask you this. So, have you put your underwear on backwards? Yeah. Okay.

I know that because you're. you now well then we got to take a pause and what the fuck does that mean so here yeah no so the question for you is I my underwear are on backwards okay I put them on backwards by mistake because you're you no I you know it's not something I would normally do well I don't I've never done it maybe maybe once I don't know but anyway what kind of underwear just a boxer briefs well that makes sense boxer briefs are easy to put on backwards okay okay fair enough but anyway uh so i put them on backwards now i was wait i woke up i had to take calvin to school so i was like you know i was tired i didn't want to wake up at seven something right yeah and i put

my underwear on and i didn't realize until 30 minutes ago i was what the what is my underwear doing and because the fly is up my ass right and so so i'm like oh i put them on backwards And so I guess the question I have that I want to pose is, because I was thinking about this on the way here, do you think that that's something I did because it was early in the morning and I was tired? Or do you think that that's something that could happen in the afternoon if you put on underwear? I think that if you're not paying attention. Right. Of course it could happen any time.

But I think that it happened because I got up too quick and I was too tired. Yeah. Yeah. That's one of the reasons. Okay, okay, okay. But I think if I didn't, I don't think it would have happened. I just think that if you wake up, you're tired, you're like, oh, I got to take my kid to school.

And you're like, okay. Your wife's saying something to you. You're just like, you do it like this. You're like this. Okay. You know what I mean? And then you put on your underwear wrong. And you're just like, the thing about box or breezes, you can't tell until, you know.

Until it's too late. Until you're starting to go to the bathroom and you're like, where's the hole? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you go shit out, you're fly. Yeah. So, yeah, that was what I brought to the table today. And that's the only thing I brought to the table today. we should ask him who he thinks in the room put down there.

Oh, I know he'll say. Oh, I know he'll say. Yeah, which is rude and disrespectful. But he'll be wrong. But he'll be wrong. Super rude and disrespectful. You know what I? But yeah, but it's, but you know, well, no, because you probably done it a bunch of times.

Why is it that I have to have done it a bunch of times? Because you don't seem like somebody who really cares about how they put their underwear on. Well, hello, boys. One of us, one of us put our underwear on backwards today. Who do you think it is? Someone in this room. Is Nick still in Austin? I'm here.

I'm here. Nick's right here. So it's Nick, Casey, Eric, Chris. I'm definitely saying Nick or Casey. It was me. Isn't that weird? Doesn't seem like something I'd do, but I did it. How did that happen?

It was early and I don't know. I don't know. define early Chris it was it was it was early I was rushing I had to bring Calvin to school I must have been like seven something and they just felt spacious in the front right you're just kind of like no no this is weird no honestly what happened was I felt cramped in the back I'm like spacious in the front cramped in the back so it was weird but uh anyway I've done that maybe once before in my life you know and this is the second time so I guess it's just going to happen more probably as I get older you know yeah

For sure. How often you guys change undies? You have every day type of guy? Yeah, of course. And also more than that. Because sometimes I sweat. And if I work out, I'll change my underwear. I mean, bro, how often do you change your underwear?

Obviously not enough with that response. I'm not a smelly guy, man. That doesn't matter. You're not a smelly guy. Who decides that? You? It doesn't matter, though. Hold on a second.

Two or three? bro you have like people you don't do your laundry right or do you backs no okay no okay so whoever's doing it have them do it more get more underwear well that's not oh no it's not it's not a laundry issue it's like it's not clean they're they just don't give a phone or should get a back hand yeah yeah but who does your you know you have clean ladies and stuff but did they do laundry or my wife he does laundry man we're not that rich I do my laundry I love it I love to do your laundry? I mean, not all the time, but yes.

Gay. No, I love it. No, that's just what, I can see you loving that. I do love it. It's a, it's such a great thing for someone with OCD. Yeah. Yeah, it's such an autism thing. Yeah, yeah.

Only, I don't kill anyone. I just pulled laundry and put my underwear on the wrong way. Did you see part two of that? I tried to. It was terrible. By the way, I saw Frankenstein. Oh, yeah, you like it? Eric.

Oh, Eric. I didn't even say anything. He didn't like it. Oh, come on, man. That movie's so fucking good. I watched it a second time last night. This is my issue with it, okay? He's always got one over glaring issue.

Here we go. Is it okay if I say my issue? Yeah, say your issue. Don't set up a sequel. Just finish the fucking movie. Finish the story. Finish the story. So you think that they set up a sequel, how?

They didn't finish anything. He just, he must hate Jurassic Park then. He's just there with the guy. And then he's like, you know, they, you know, they, you know, they reconcile. And he leaves. And that's it. No The guy dies

The girl dies His love dies So the sequel is gonna be No She is she's not necessarily dead We didn't see what happened there They left a lot It was a very ambiguous ending

Because I think they're gonna make another one I honestly I didn't like the ending Honestly Casey what do Casey's shaking his head I thought the main relationship Was the monster and his father And they closed the loop on that

Hello Yeah that's good He has case They sort of close a little by No they didn't He said he'd said I love you and let him die peacefully like that. I forgive you and all that.

I know, but you can't do it. So he just, after killing 17 sailors, he just gets to walk off the, the, in the ice and he's done. Yeah,

because the captain said that he's cool. He's cool. He's cool. Be cool, man. Hello, how he did it. He goes, hello afterwards.

That was good use. But, uh, but, uh, outside the ending, did you enjoy the movie? Yeah, yeah,

it was great. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it. I know what you're saying, too, though, about like what you would say before about, he was a little,

He was a little attractive. It's fine. It was just like a little twilighty. But here's my thing, too. Like you're putting your monster back together. You want the best shit. No, but also like, does he need a dick? Hmm.

Like, what was the point of that? Did they put the dick on? You could, you know, you see that he obviously, you know, with the bandages, he's like, obviously he has a package. Oh, interesting. You know, I just, maybe he did he put a nose there? You don't know. Or maybe there's nothing there.

That would be actually great. You had a nose. Extra mouth. You smell Before you go away It would be like this Or you gotta go like this I'll tell you what though fellas

Stranger Things Season 5 coming up Don't care by Honestly you know what I would If I'm gonna watch that I'm actually literally gonna have to go back And watch the other seasons

I thought it's over Wait wait wait Wait real shit not even making a joke I have no idea what's going on or Stranger Things I don't even know what you're talking about about Frankenstein I saw that last week

I genuinely I'm like they left it open what I don't mind I just know with Stranger Things that's such a gift Eric I forgot too and then when you rewatch you're like oh

this is why this show was so goddamn lady it's so good I saw three episodes I go this show sucks I can see you're not liking it it's all style God you're a whole

it's all style too supernatural no I like supernatural stuff but it's all style you know just So I don't understand. This is what I don't understand. So the guy, David Harbour, you know, he gets accused of being a bully by Millie Bobby Brown on the show.

You know what I mean? That's like a whole thing, right? I heard about that. But I thought it was debunked. But then at the premiere, though, they're standing there together. Right. You know, hugging. You know, so it's like, what was that all about?

Sounds like an issue that they need to work out themselves. Yeah. It just was weird. I don't know. I don't care. Eleven and Hopper. I don't give a fuck. David Harbor, right?

Yeah. I mean, doesn't he look like a guy that would be like? like a dick. Yeah. But when I read the thing, it was like, it said there was no inappropriate behavior or sexual kind. He was just a bully. It sounded to me.

I was like, oh, somebody's just sensitive. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. He might look like a little like a dick. Yeah. No, he's cool. I like that guy.

He looks cool. Or he's awesome and it's just gossip. Yeah. Okay. Well, didn't he play Hellboy too, this guy? Mm-mm. Yeah. Absolutely not.

That's, that's Pearlman. No, I think they made a new one with him. They could have. I think they made a new one in the past few years. He's really good in the Marvel movies. I love this guy. He's great in... Look it up, David Arbor, hellboy.

And, and... Pearlman's my hellboy. No, Perlman did it, and he was... It was great. Good. No, that, I didn't... You don't even remember Frankisnizai, so how are you going to make a comment?

There you go. Look at that. Hey, dude, fact check me if you want, but it's right there. Ah, Dillia was wrong, but he was right. I don't like it. I don't like it. Well, it still happened. It was the disaster says.

This one bombed. Pearlman's crush. Yeah, Pearlman was a good hellboy, yeah. He was a good hellboy, yeah. Yeah, there you go. I do remember that. They mean, too, right? Can I tell you about my weekend?

Okay. When did you get sick? Sure, Eric. So, six flights. Brendan, don't. Six flights. Six flights. Ain't nothing.

In three days. I eat that for breakfast. Nine hours of driving. Okay. four different states full course meal that's terrible yeah yeah where we're i ended up so i went to nebraska lincoln nebraska great club out of nick and lincoln nebraska i'll be in omaha soon chrysalea dot com okay just a good good good spot then drove five hours to where austin minnesota so yeah that's right that place you made up weird austin comedy scene and then from there but drove through iowa stopped at there

with the other comic because he was like took me to like oh wait i want to have make another point after that and then i ended up in uh louisiana for skank fest okay yeah oh my god you were all over eric yeah yeah it was crazy it was crazy so your body just goes yeah yeah so then when i got home my body was like okay here you go then it was like bluh you know what i mean yeah you ever notice chris did you do you too brandy probably i'm really observant all right when you go to like a small place make it so we can see brend why why is it all go ahead you know when you go to a small place and then the guy might say to you he's like hey man i got you in the you know, I got you in a really good hotel in town, you know?

Okay. But you're from L.A. Oh, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? So they're like, oh, this is a really good hotel. Then you get to the hotel and you're like, this isn't a good hotel. Right, right, right. You know.

But that's all they know. That's all they know. That's all they know. I thought about it. They're like, wait, this Rattison in. You don't think it's lit. It's like, oh, dude, you got to get out the bulb. But it's not when at a place that I'm at.

I'm at, I'm talking even smaller than that. This is my theory. If the word comfort is in the name of, a hotel you in a shit hotel yeah yeah you're not in a I'll decide the adjectives or whatever the fuck but this guy said to me the vert what is the real nice guy though and he's saying to on the phone he's like I hope you like that uh that hotel's like that's the best one in town man I put my mom up there when she comes into town you don't hurt his feelings oh your ton oh your time sucks when he said that I was like I didn't say anything right so I was like

because then I'm thinking to myself that's what is it's like boogeiness really is dependent upon like your experience because this has happened to to me. I remember one time I went to this, it was like up north a little bit in between like a real cities. And the guy's like, yeah, man, I'm going to put you in this hotel. They got like, uh, they got a, this certain kind of hot tub that's like really good in the room. And I was like, oh, I was like, oh, I was like, oh, this is going to be. I was like, oh, this is going to be great. When I saw it, I was like, oh, this guy. Yeah. He's never been out of his town. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. If he went to one four seasons just for brunch, he would be like, oh, I saw that hot tub.

were talking about yeah you never been anywhere have you yeah dude it just was like but it's almost better if you don't experience that boogeiness there you know what I'm saying I feel like you enjoy life a little more simplicity is the shit yeah yeah yeah that's the thing I'm saying I went I went to this event like out in Austin they call them gala's or there's like events right Joanna's like the fucking social butterfly out here she has all these cool friends she's like you have to come already I go oh dude she's crushing it

I go right I gotta get fucking dressed up. I go, but not, you know, I didn't want to go, but anyways, I go. And she's like, you got to be social. Don't be an asshole. I'm like, all right. Got it. We go on this place and they're telling me the, like this lady's like, oh, do you know him? Do you know her? Do you know him? Like, no, I don't fucking know anybody. Lay. I just moved here. I was by far the poorest dude in the building. No. Wow. And if you, if you remember that season, season two of you where he's like with the rich elite New York people. Wasn't I in that? What was I in? Which one was I, I was in that?

No, you're in the first or is that maybe, is that the third? I don't know which one I was in. Anyway, go ahead. I don't remember. Whenever he's in New York and he's like with that upper echelon crowd, I don't think I was in that. Dude, I felt so uncomfortable. I just didn't fit in. I had nothing in common.

They were so fucking rich. Kevin Hart. It was such a weird vibe. Kevin Hart had a funny joke about that. I thought of Eric. I thought of Eric. I'm like, God, I wonder if, I bet you would, you would fucking. Oh, yeah, yeah.

You would clown this. these people. Well, what the fuck? What, what are they talking about? Like, what kind of shit? Shit I'm not into. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like, uh, the vacation spots and have you been to this restaurant?

Have you done the, and I'm just like, no, I just feel like at every level, no matter what level you're at. Yeah, it's, you're, you're going to have. Yeah. You're going to complain about this and then, you know, whatever's going on. But the people underneath that level, they're going to be like, what are you complaining about? Yeah, I know.

right. It's like if there was a, if you were at a diner and it was like Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle, Seinfeld, all the people that got paid $20 plus million from Netflix, I bet they can sit at a table and just be like, man, can you believe that I had to, they would complain about something. There'd be something, you know, but then there's people, you know, who only got 500,000 from Netflix, and they're going to be like, you know, what? Who do you go?

You know, it's always what they say, right? The worst thing to happen to you is the worst thing that happened to you. Right. So if Jerry Seinfeld stubs his toe, it's like, this is fucking terribly the worst thing ever. Oh, what is the deal? Why are these things so low? My toe's pink now. I don't know.

I know, I know you guys. They don't be black and blue soon. Why does it go from pink to black and blue? I don't know. I'm just, whatever. Let's take a little break here because Chris DeLeo won't shut up about his macro. So I said, dude, I know life gets busy. You're trying to stay in shape, even though you look exactly the same, no matter what diet you're on.

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Meals.com slash golden rules and restrictions apply. I know you don't watch comedy specials. No, zero. Okay. I watch mine over and over again. Moammer has a kind of special. He's great. He's going in.

Oh, yeah. I thought about what? Just a lot of stuff. Oh. He's just going in. But I saw a clip where he was talking about, first he was talking about DJ Khalid, which is like people that are Palestinian, they've been going in on him because he doesn't say anything.

But then he goes in on Seinfeld. Really? Yeah. okay he goes in goes there's like a so i was just like oh okay this is what we're doing what he say about what he's say about well he's just whatever his position is on israel or whatever it is you know he just oh and i was just like well i didn't know he was doing that you know damn so it's like you might want check it out j callid's not black dj calid is it another one is a dj it's a race of dj oh wow uh the dj race yeah they're born with their ear closer to their shoulder

but the um there you know what I mean they're like this another one DJs don't do that anymore no I know but that's what how it's in their DNA it's really old that's like a 1999 reference I know but it's

DJs do this now yeah yeah yeah yeah generational trauma is what I was trying to say I went so I'm going to go I'm going to go to Corviva which is a place where they scan my whole body and let me know what's up

why what's wrong with you no i don't know they'll let me know they'll scare my whole body and see what's up corviva why don't you just get some blood work done i could do that too they probably do that at the same place yeah bro they're gonna just let me know about everything corviva oh you're a ho look at this page i'm a ho dude i want to do look at racquet ball says know your body know your drive it's all old people yeah everyone's old as fun and white just watch just watch He's not old.

Know your strength. Know your ability. I'm going to go and I'm going to do it and I can't wait. Well, first of all, this is the kind of thing everybody should be doing anyway. Like our health care system is shot. I know. This is how it should work. You just, you go in.

This is about preventative care. You know what I mean? They're going to let me know everything about me, my, you know, body fat, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, I can tell me what's wrong on my shoulder. And they tell me, dude, and they, and they're going to, and they're going to, they could detect cancer like early early on what's that i want to do it can you get a two for one is a good thing to do is it a sponsored thing crits or you got to pay full price no i i'm yeah i don't know no no comment but i can't wait little paola no uh book your scan are isn't there but it doesn't say how much it is well book it's expensive yeah but yeah it's expensive don't they 100%

say that there's something wrong with you like there's no way there's always yeah like degenerative spine or what you know i mean it's like everybody's got something wrong with you it's going to just say for you it's just going to say on their really large nose is it no it's not going to say that on the scan it's going to say that's also so disrespectful do you know it's not normally large forehead is it going to they did tell me to tape my penis down though so i can't i knew it i knew it well i can't take a shot everybody every time chris mentions his dick take a shot well Oh, look at chin works there. Stupid, racist.

Oh, wow, racist. Whole body MRI. Hey, Nick, can you Google how much it is? Will it tell us how much it is? I'm going to guess. It's a few thousand dollars or something. Insurance does not cover it. No, no, no, but it should.

That's the thing. You know, the healthcare wants, they don't want to keep us sick. Don't get, don't get me starting health care. I know, I know. Cover my baby girl's fucking therapy. Don't get me starting that shit. It's horrible. What?

Nah, don't even get it started. Yeah, that's terrible. We know it's terrible. Don't get me fucking started. There you go right there. So it's basically $2,700 $2,000, all-inclusive price Covering Scan, touch your ass

All right, whatever. But anyway, I'm excited to do it. And I'm a little nervous. In college, I used to go get MRIs and they'd pay me $120 sitting there for two hours. Nick has cancer. Yeah, because they were like, it got cancer for that.

Yeah, but it was like a special MRI that they're trying out. What's up? You're here for that shit? Yeah. What up, homie? Just our new MRI machine. Staying in this fucking thing. Well, that is good to do. Yeah.

Yeah. So we'll see. Well, even when you're going to the doctor, I mean, it should be a kind of thing where before you go to the doctor, your first appointment, you should be like, okay, let me go get this MRI. Let me go get this blood test. And then you walk into the doctor like, here you go. Right.

But the way they do it now is you go to the doctor. That's why I fucking hate general doctors. Yeah, you hate. Just general. They go, yeah, your arm might be broke. I get to send you to a specialist and then getting an x-ray. I'm like, oh, thank you. Yeah.

But I can't go just to the x-ray. Ray, specialist. You can now, you can't have this fucking idiot tell me, oh, you need an x-ray. I'm like, no shit, dude. My arm's backwards. You can now, though. A lot of places is different now. There are certain places like a place like this where you can go now.

Right now. And you get your own file. It's getting there. But it's so expensive. It's like, it's like sucks. Like, dude, if everyone did this yearly, it would be a game changer. I know. If insurance.

It should be offered free. If insurance paid for this yearly. Yeah, exactly. Well, yeah, this should be part of your, you know, you know, you have to do that on your insurance. You have that yearly checkup. This should be part of the yearly checkup. Two, you know, like your gym membership should be part of your insurance.

Well, that'll never happen. I know, but it should. They should pay for you to be healthy. You know, but they don't want that. Some employee insurances do that. You get like $120 a month to use at a gym. Oh, really? That's good.

Nick's involved in a scam. So I, we just thought Nick's was involved. scam and he has cancer so uh i gotta find that out because i want to look that at it scammy cancer guy so um no i give me a trainer i mean not gonna do for comedians but like i i have sag insurance you know but i i it's more it's mostly about the food bro our generation you know our brandon and i you too i guess you guys like it's big enough to wear well us all in here like dude the fucking shit they put in food in the 80s and 90s they were just Just like, yeah, throw it in.

Well, actually, I think it's more recent than that. Yeah, it's more recent. What do you mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. When I was a kid, when I was a kid, McDonald's, yeah. The French fries had three ingredients. No, no, no, no, no. Yes, yes.

Since then, yes. Educate them. It wasn't, it wasn't in the, educate them. I think it was like going like late, mid-90s going into 2000s is when they were like, that's when he got really bad. Oh, we can make more money if we do this. Sure, yeah. So I was a decade off.

Yeah. I just, but, but what am I supposed to do now? No, I know. You know what I mean? It's even worse. I think it's even worse from my generation because we're like, all right, we, you know, I used to eat McDonald's fries. It was fine.

And now that you're finding out that that's not, you know, I think that, I think it's more about food than it is about, for instance, vaccines, you know. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? I think it's the food. I think it's the food. You eat it every day. If you're out eating fucking bullshit every day, you're going to get, you know, lumps

everywhere. When I, when I, when I was a kid, we had, we had vaccines when I was a kid in the 70s or you know early 70s people had to take certain vaccines we there wasn't as there wasn't all this you know autism and all this stuff they're talking you know well so what the one thing that has changed is is cord syrup and uh you're a kid you probably had 15 would be the back then now now it now it's 87 no no I understand that but I'm saying I think there's still more of a correlation with the food that we eat and what it's doing to our system I don't I don't talk about that I also just think kids are pussy.

like peanut allergies who the fuck is allergic to peanuts when you were a kid Nick did you know one fucking kid and what the schools didn't do is go oh Billy's allergic to peanuts that means none of you hoes get peanut butter and jelly they say that one idiot they say that you got to expose people to stuff early so they can not be allergic to it so yeah so we did they have these little peanut there's a part of the world where there's like no peanut allergies because there's peanuts everywhere it's peanutville we gave a wolf some Have you ever been in a peanut town?

The mayor is a planter's guy? Okay, go ahead. Finish this bit. Go ahead. Welcome. You know, he's got white gloves and shit. Come on in. Nobody's allergic to peanuts here.

He's dancing. You know what I mean? And then nobody's allergic to penis there. Everyone has just penises everywhere. Are we? Was it peanuts or peanuts? Yeah, that changed real quick. I just wanted to get to talk to peoners.

But anyway, my workouts are going really great. You just put up a bit clowning people that talk about their workouts. And all you're doing is talking about your workouts. It's different. No, it's not different. It's not different. It's hypocritical. You like the hot chick who started yoga and has to tell everyone you started yoga.

This is you. That's you now. It's different. No, it's not. Protein pancakes. Boom. Hey, guys, my macros. You know, leg day, guys, leg day.

Are you doing leg day, Casey? I don't know if you're doing like that. That's you now. It's different. And then you're going to put up a bit about you're talking about yourself, just so you know. And you look exactly the same, Chris. You have become who you hate. It's different.

You look exactly the same. Yeah, you know, yeah. I totally agree with you. You look the same as I, like almost as I first met you. Let me know what's up. It's different. You're just grayer. It's different.

It's different. I won't elaborate. No, no, I will elaborate. But I look way different. dude i look fucking crazy different when i take off my shirt people go oh dude that what happened yeah where does that happen uh the guy who came and worked on my shoulder recently uh with the stuff said i look way more fit so fuck you my wife has said nothing so far can we get him on the phone sweetie i i said you know have you noticed anything she's like oh yeah i was like why haven't you said

anything and she was like oh i don't know i guess i i guess i see every day and it doesn't really matter you know and I'm like that's a good point can you just make me feel like I'm doing something dude let her get a hair hair hair done and you don't say that uh-huh I'm at the gym bust of my ass two hours a day yeah man I really am I really am there take a little break here dude the morning's getting cold out here in Texas everyone has holiday plans and you know what the last thing you need on your schedule is what you're going to wear you're like what am I going do when you want things that look sharp they feel good and staples in your wardrobe that's where quince comes into play they make great stuff not only for you but make great gifts too

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It's like the bob cut. Bye. I said, oh, no, let's say I go, Oof. Yeah, it's a fine line between looking hot and looking like a straight kid with Down syndrome. Like usually the Down syndrome girls have the Bob cut. You gotta be careful.

Is that right? She was not a fan of that. Oh, who's the joke that says, why do? Oh, it's Ian, right? Yeah. Oh, so fun. Is it Ian? Yeah, he goes all down syndrome.

Why do all downsrooms when people got the same haircut? No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, he says it better. He says, why do all the people with Down syndrome go to the same barber? Yeah. Is that guy traveling all over the place? He said, I want to get this one. And they say, nah, you got to get this one.

The other day, the other day Wolf basically said, my breath stinks. Yours? Yeah. What did he say? Good for him. We're just laying in bed, you know? You know, then somebody farted, I'm going to say who. You know, and then we go, stinky.

You know what I mean? Then Rachel goes, is daddy stinky? then he crawls over to me and he points him my mouth oh man he goes Chris Chris he goes

he goes then he just comes over he points right and I was like oh wow okay but you know what he let me know

and it was like he was just dealing with it because he loves me you know what I'm saying yeah exactly he don't say nothing and he had a smile on his face too

oh my god this is his personality's kicking in the other day he was on the piano he goes on that too He went into the piano and he was like, of course he can't play the piano, but he's playing it and he's like, la la la la la.

He's doing the la laas and then he gets off of it and he goes like this. Oh, that's cool. I like, hell yeah. I was like, he killed it. He was like, killed it. Killed it. Got it.

That's cute. Yeah. Oh, you know what I did last night? So Billy's like straight up a person now. And I put Calvin and what I normally do is I when I bring the kids to because I I do bedtime so I bring Calvin and Billy into Calvin's room I say Calvin brush your teeth get Billy's toothbrush ready and then they do that then I say Calvin get ready for bed while I get Billy ready for bed and I'm going to put him in the crib so I put

Billy in the crib and Billy for one like one of the he's been doing this new thing where he's like no dad die white dale dad that white day he wants me to stay in the room with him right yeah but usually I'm in the room with Calvin because I've got to talk to him before he goes to bed. We have a conversation. He's got to feel okay. And I got to get in here. So I sit there for Billy, Billy falls asleep. Billy,

Billy falls asleep. Really nice. Okay. So then I leave and I'm walking past Calvin's door and I hear him playing with toys. And the, I'm like, oh, dude, this is a fucking, he's creating a lore. This is dope. And so I just caught myself outside of the door. like really and I'm like oh fuck yeah dude he's like oh dude he's turning so these people can turn

into people so they're characters that turn into people and this one is turning each person into people and they're getting jealous of each other I'm like this is the shit dude and I was there for like 15 minutes and then I go okay uh I guess I'll just go downstairs I went downstairs I walked by the room and he goes hey dad I say hey and he just got his toys and I was like what are doing and he was like I was like I'm just playing and I was like fuck their imaginations are insane so so that's where it starts you go yeah You go, oh, because, like, you think, like, oh, he's proud of himself, number one. And number two, he's seen someone go, yeah, you know what I mean, on the TV or something?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like when you see that and then you, dude, it's just, it blows your mind, bro. All he loves Danny Go now. Yeah, yeah. He's over Miss Rachel. So he can't say it though. So he goes, Digo. He just says, Digo.

Yeah. You know, we have to put it on. He's just, like, how about Chris sends me this nice message, right? I post Billy, I post Billy walking like 15. Stephs. And Chris goes, oh, man, that's so cool. She's finally walking. I go, yeah, we're getting there, man. You know, and I tell them all about the therapy. And he goes, cool, my billy's flying planes. There's a picture of his fucking kid in the cockpit. It's so fucking, oh, right, that's such a comic. Like, you just know, when you're a comic and

you're around other comics, there's like, it's so good. There's nothing, you know, whatever. Yeah, it's so good. But you know what? Even after a comic, when you're in the middle of a good moment with someone your brain just goes oh this is a perfect spot i know it was so good it was so good he's like man i'm so happy for you man this is so cool thanks man he goes my billy's flying planes not a big deal i was like holy fuck

i can't find the let me i'll send it to you i'll send it to the golden hour so you have it yeah it's uh they they wanted you know it's funny because they they were like there it is my billy is learning how to fly planes so whatever um here i'll send it to casey it's right there on the air drop.

No, so the pilot came up to me afterwards and was like, hey, dude, you want to, you know, I'm a big fan, do you want to have your kids see the cockpit and all that stuff?

And I was like, oh yeah, cool. Yeah, awesome. And I forgot Calvin's my son for a second because he's just like, yeah, I know, I get it. You know, I don't want to go in there.

Why the fuck would I want to go in that small space? hilarious. But Billy, Billy wants to go. Oh, God, he wants to fucking. Billy's, he was. He was. He was. Shut out!

Dude, they let him go in alone and he was just like, bot, dude, whoever, wherever that place's going next, they're fucked. Okay,

but, the new pilot's going to get in, yeah, yeah, yeah, what the, what was there a baby in here? Was there a fucking two-year-old in here? The fucking wings are just up like this.

Yeah, dude, but it was so, it was funny, man, but. Why are we in reverse? Yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, but it was, yeah, Yeah, you should show it if you want. But the, but the, um, but it was cute because I, I put Billy in the pilot seat for a little bit. And he was like, out, out.

He was like, you know, because it's, it's actually really, I've never been up there. It's a lot going on. But it's really tight. Yeah. It's really tight. That's what she said. Yeah, there is coming out of the cockpit after, after getting us there safely with his Pokemon ball. Yeah.

Dude, that shirt, he won't not wear that shirt. Oh, God. He won't not wear that space invaders. Space, no, space. Yeah, but it's for, it's, it's a space invaders. Invaders? Remember that old? Hey, I know.

Yeah, yeah. Bro, but leave it to my kids. They're into like, shit that is, you can't get it anymore. Like, it's fucking 1985. They're like, retro shit. Yeah. My son will be like, I'll be like, I'm going on a trip and Kevin be like, oh, no. And I'll be like, I'll get you something.

What do you want? And he'll be like, oh, fucking Honest Wagner baseball card. And I'm like, the fuck what I want to? Get me a my pet monster from the 90s. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why me an original my buddy? What the fuck are you talking about?

How much? Their personalities are so, like, you don't even realize. You know what I was going to tell? I forgot to talk to you about this, but when I was at your place, you know. Yeah. And then like, I remember this moment, but I didn't say anything.

So like, I just, you know, Calvin was wiping his nose on his shirt the whole time. So I just make a joke, I just go, man, Calvin, your shirt, you're just got a snoddy. shirt you know and then I was just chilling and then I saw him look over at you like like he was basically being like what what's going on with my shirt am I and you were and you said no it's so fine boy and I was like and I was like oh shit I fucked up because you don't know

you made fun of the yeah yeah it's it's it's yeah you're fucking snotty you came self-conscious yeah you roasted my son get a get a napkin little bitch no no no I think it's good it is good my my mind come on dad yeah no no no no Nick, you're terrible person. But I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, there are times where, I have my own experience, I kind of, not, but, but, like, but, like, I say to Calvin, I said, like, I've made fun of him before. And he says, hey, are you, are you making fun of me?

Are you laughing at me? And I was like, and I, I, I have to. Oh, Calvin's Joe Pesci? Yeah. Calvin can't take a joke. What am I a clown dad? Am I a clown? I'm your amusement?

Oh, that's hilarious. I'm your fucking amusement. I'm here for you. This is what this is just. So, no, so, so, so I, I have to say to him, like, it's okay. This is how, sometimes like, daddy's do it. Daddy will do this because he loves you. Because this is how we express our, you know, I always want to make people laugh.

And so I want to make you laugh even about you, you know what I mean? And like, so it's a weird thing. But I do want to, I do want to figure it out because, yeah, sometimes it does get like, yeah, I remember that moment. And it was, I was, I was, and I said to him, I was like, it's okay. I said, you know how, what I said to him, I said, you know how dad is a comedian? Eric's a comedian too. And that's how he shows people that he likes you. He likes you.

Yeah, it's just, but it's one of those things where I saw you doing that and I was like, I don't want to like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that was, I clock that too. It was really cute. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was like, Uncle Eric roast in the four-year-old.

No, no, because he's like, Calvin is like very, like, he's like a cerebral kid. I know. So it's like, you say something to him and he's like in his head. He's analyzing like, oh, my God, what's going on? Does this mean I can't go to school? Because, you know, he's got all kind of things, thoughts going in this head. You're right, yeah. But I used to be listening.

I don't know if you get the reference, Chris, but Eric should get it. So Tiger, he had a big flag football tournament. like a travel ball football tournament at the Dallas Cowboys Stadium. I saw that. And T catches a, he, when he jumps over a kid and grabs it like this and scores a touchdown, he goes, oh, I mossed that kid.

I mossed that kid. So we're at, all the whole team's at lunch after the game. And he goes, and they're all talking about it. He's like, yeah, I mossed that kid. And then the kids, and then Tiger goes,

yeah, dad, what's moss mean? Is it like moss on a rock? I'm like, holy shit. Yeah. You don't know who. Randy Moss is. Right. Why would he know who Randy Moss is?

Randy Moss hasn't played in over 20 years. Still though, dude, it's like, if you do this and put your tongue out, it's like, oh, that's Jordan. I don't think kids even know that right now. Yeah. No, probably not. Yeah. And I was like, dude, so I had to bring up my phone.

I'm like, here's fucking Randy Moss, you little twerps. Look at this. That's where that term comes from. Yeah. But they have no clue about Randy Moss. Zero clue. Take a little break. Because the NBA season's rolling.

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a big nose. I'd be like, school would start, and I'd be like, okay, one of the big nose comments coming. But I remember the day that it didn't bug me anymore. And it was a day that I started to laugh about it. Like, I made fun of myself. I said, like, somebody was like, you got a big nose. And I was like, yeah, I can smell how stinky you are. You know what I mean? Yeah, I turned it around. But that's my evil villain story. This is me, this is me falling into the vatic. Your origin, fuck. Yeah. Eric, did you wear glasses too as a kid? Yeah. Do you have glasses and that nose? Yeah.

So it was like always. It was always something. But then the moment that I was like, I don't care. You know what I mean? Then it was just kind of like, you know, I, it actually, that to me was the day that I was like, oh, I understood the power of words and humor and that kind of thing. And I was like, oh, I could turn this into something. That's, yeah. I remember.

Go ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead. I was I said. I used to say, my word just was different because they didn't, they didn't make fun of me for the way I looked. They made fun of me because I was white. at this probably black school. But I found out I could take the power away

because I was good at sports. So I would wear my cleats to school. Oh, wow. And the kids would make fun of me. I'm like, yep, wait to recess. Oh, wow. That's hilarious. And then recess came and your boy showed out.

Smoked them. Smok-up fucking came Randy with moast it. Moast them. And then everyone shut the fuck around school. Like, right, don't fuck with shop. He's walking around the classroom. He can ball. So that's at a young age, right?

Because I don't have your guys intellect, right? My IQ is probably a little. lower. So my thing was sports. Yeah. It was like, the way I'm going to fit in and make a name is you got to ball out. That's cool. So my whole thing was, you make fun of me, but I can ball. Yeah, yeah. That's cool.

Brendan at Dispelling Bee. He's like, let's go outside of race, bitch. I got my cleats in my bag. I think Chris should have gave Calvin some ammo being like, this guy shits his pants like every other day. Oh, yeah, I do. You're talking a fucking, yeah, his kid thinks his breath stinks.

Um, no, but no, I, I, I, um, oh, speaking of, Kristen, that's so funny you to say that. Well, because we're, you know, making fun of, like, Kristen was making burgers, but not enough. I know. I know. No, there's like nine, whatever, how many people here. I know. She made three burgers at a time. You know what I mean?

She was just making them at a time. It was like, dude. But I said so, I was, we were having fun of this. She made a fat joke, you know? And I was like, And I was like, I said, oh, you know what? Let me not.

You're fucking, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I was like, okay. All right, let me let this one go. Let me let me go. Honestly, what did she say?

I really remember because I was so shocked that I was like, oh, because I was like, in my mind, I almost went like this. Oh, you want to. Oh, you want to make jokes? I actually. Three burger.

Motherfuck. Oh, three burger ass. I think. I think, um, oh, snotty kid, ass. Oh, snotty nose having kid ass. I think that, um, knowing her, I, I, I, I, I, I doubt she actually, I doubt she actually meant to do that. No, no, no, no, no, no. She did.

Did she say, oh, is she not enough for you? Because in the moment, it was something about that, like that. Yes. But in the moment, I could tell she was like being, I could, her whole, her whole. thing was like oh well and I was like oh well she watches the podcast and like it's like oh this is like you know you guys have made it okay yeah you can't use your power for that you can't you know what I was like that's that's such a weird moment think about that think about that moment you're at your boy's house and your wife makes a joke that's really out of her realm right you know

and it's like this is the moment you know it would be like you know it would be like you walk up and you you slap Mike Tyson you know what I mean yeah totally you go And the mic's got to go like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some sense is just like, that's what I thought. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, totally like that. I'm gonna let that slide.

I'm gonna let this one go. Get back on the burgers. Back in the kitchen. Dude, it ends up, we're all crying. You just leave. Even Rachel's just like, I'm so sorry. you ruin everything you ruined everything

all she did was do a stupid joke he's walking away like the joker at the house at the house at it's good this whole house blows up no but that that's just a weird that's just one of those moments man

you know it's like yeah does she don't joke with you oh my god yeah yeah dude yes she fucking well there it is and I you know what and I think about this is your fault yeah get control of your woman no she's she's really interestingly funny like she really is funny

she's a funny person and it's like uh uh you know she's always been like that and uh and yeah but dude but you can't feel your influence oh yeah because i because i didn't see that with rachel rachel will make a joke and me and i'll just be like oh okay yeah you're using you using my shit against me no no no yeah i know yeah you guys loved it Me and Joe would joke around where I'd be like, bitch, please. And she'll even be like, bitch, whatever. You know, it's like our inside thing, whatever. And then we're in a legit argument.

And I'm used, like, it was just my default. Oh, wow. You always be like, bitch. Like, she's like, hey, take out the trash. I'm like, bitch, I'm on it. And she'll like laugh, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We were in a legit argument.

I was like, bitch. Oh, and literally in the middle of I went, oh, I'm so sorry. That is not what I meant. Oh, my God. That's so funny. Oh, my God. I just took my shit and went upstairs and slept in the ass room.

All right, I get it. You know what, though? That's just, that's just male self-awareness. Sometimes you just go, you know what? My bad.

And then you just, all right. I was like, that slipped out. I said, you know, we're always joking. You know,

I didn't mean that. I'll just, I'm just getting my toothbrush and shit. I'll see you in the morning. That's not. That's all me. That's on me. That's on it over ears.

Yeah, I, I, um, yeah. Do you, yeah. what finish

and then I was in the guest room there's no TV and I was like fuck I got my phone too I'm just gonna sit here in the fucking dark so I text to see how mad she was I'm like damn it's coldest shit up here

how's it down there you know like what's up girl what you watch it nothing nothing nothing nothing

I think you just text back fine bitch yeah she should have texted that to you yeah ah man well at least you have

another room to go to you know what I mean you always got a class is always half full buddy positivity yeah you know what do poor people do when they have fights let just keep fighting go to the couch what if you live what if you live in a what if you live in a loft you like in a you know what I mean imagine you're fighting with someone and you you're still in the same room with them I guess you just go out and you like go to 7-11 and well yeah but yeah but remember fellas my Mike I'm at extreme level here I'm on level nine because my mother-in-law and father-in-law live with me. So I got to sneak around so they don't know we're in a fight. Oh, my God.

So I had to wake up extra early and make the bed and sneak back down like we didn't fight. Really? That sounds terrible. Yeah. You could just, yeah. I had a, you know what the other day? So I'm leaving the house early and I turn. The alarm usually lets you know.

He opened a door and it goes. Yeah. disarm you know it didn't do it for some reason so I get in my car I'm packing out to driveway and the alarm goes off you know and I'm like oh fuck so I run in to try to do it and then she comes out she's yelling at me she's like I was like it didn't do it you know what I mean like you know but there's and I just fucking yelled you know I slammed the door and I left but then I had my phone and I was like oh should I text something and I say you know what let me just let this sit because that's what we

used to have to do before texting your phones you fought with your wife you left you let it sit you let it whatever and then when you come back later she's gone yeah no but when you come back home later she's over it it's over with but but what but what this generation does right now is immediately they're texting all day and fighting and it's like no you get let it like sit and then you figure it and then you come back and maybe when you come back you're like yo sorry about that earlier or whatever right but that's how it should be done but it's like this like over communicating fucking generation you're right you're right you're right and what i know about rachel she gets over shit like this it's like it's not even not christin you'll you'll like you'll like

this er so we're on that road trip to dallas you know it's like three and a half hours almost four hours and bosti's still little and when tiger was little he would fart and it's cute and we're laughing t's 110 pounds now and he's fucking big and he ate like p terries or whatever and he was farting in the back and I finally I'm driving I just I pulled over I said buddy you got to stop it's not you're no longer this little kid it's fart and it's cute that we call him toots you're farting like a grown man now and it's fucking up the vibe no more toots you're basically shitting yeah yeah yeah wow he's too big he's too big just imagine how confusing that is though for like years but dad you're farting and everyone's laughing

you know and then you learn and that's why you do it you're like oh okay and then one day hey hey hey your dad pulls over the culture changed but even bossy's like hey man

enough's enough it smells like a fucking weird how that works the culture changed culture changes times change you get over 100 pounds don't be farting

in people's face anymore that's a good honestly run for that that should be a platform to run for mayor yeah wolf laughs all the time yeah if you're over 100 pounds yeah if you're over 100 pounds

don't fart anymore vote for me dude i i will stop over a hundred pound farts um that sounds like you yes one of those uh you know one of those let's take a little break here man and nothing's worse when your wieners not working and you want them to it's like jump into your car it just won't start you're like i really got to get going i got something to do that's your wiener dude and sometimes a lot of bros suffer from that all right we're talking about ed and it shows up in the best of us We've all been there, dude.

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Pluto TV. Stream now. Hey, never. Now, I, I, uh, be, I be, I be, I be, tuning for my kids. But you know what? It's, uh, you do it in front of wifie, though, both of you? I know Eric does.

Yeah. Yeah. What are you talking about? You don't fart in front of your wife? I bring her into the bathroom. No, I bring her in the bathroom, I bring her in the bathroom, look in her eyes and take shits. Yeah.

That's it. No, I don't know. Never done that. No, no. I don't do that, bro. I'm kidding, but, uh, yeah, no, dude, that's crazy to know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's absolutely insane. Nah, keep it sexy, man.

Yeah, but are you kidding me? It's sexy to fart, bro. Yeah, it shows like, it shows a vulnerability in close. He's got a way wrong. That's not why it's sexy. It is. It's sexy because it's like, I fart where I want, dude. Oh, it's like an alpha move you think for you, Chris?

Oh, yeah. I, I, I just did it. It's not like I'm not, I just did it because I did it and I'm me, dude. And this is, this is, this adds to. my whole fucking sexiness and flavor yeah i think you're off on that but no i don't agree with no and i'll tell you what i bet you we ask your girl she'd like i just i wish he wouldn't oh well there's a double oh yeah yeah oh yeah there's a double stand to know what they want yeah yeah yeah yeah because they don't get what they want and then complain about that

right right right well no girls are like that i just I just wish my man would fart more. Right, I know. Sometimes when Chris comes and he starts doing some of this stuff, you wonder. It was like, did he leave the house on a fight? No, no, no, we were good. We were good. If we left the house and a half, I probably wouldn't be talking about this.

Ah, right. Yeah, we were good. She was sleeping, dude. She was out. Yeah, farting. I just, I always accept that there's a double standard with women. I don't think. And I think that if you're like, if you're complaining about a double standard, you're, there's a very immature stance.

You know, there's always double standard. There's triple standards in life. I mean, double, you know, it's the reason why there's first class and there's riffraff. Yeah, but it's always double standards. And it's also like, you know, it's literally like, you know, you're different than a lion, too. Like, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you were in, Eric, Eric, are you saying where, like, it's like a one-way street in your house?

Like, you can rip farts, but if your girl did, you're like, come on now. No, no, no. What I'm saying is there's, they react differently to things and there's no fairness in that. don't care about that. Like if I fart, if Rachel farts, she will blame me. Right. You know, she'll say, well, you took us to Chipotle. Right. You know what I mean? So, you know, it's crazy. It's absolutely insane. And if I fart, it'll be like, you act like I threw our baby out the window or something like that, you know? Double standard, yeah. Yeah, there's a double standard in that. So it's like, I'm funny. And you can't do anything about it. Yeah. And I care. I go, okay, I get, this is how you react to it. It's fine. You could say whatever you want about men. Men are stupid. Men are, men are, uh, this,

that the other thing men are fucking uh selfish women are insane yeah and that and that's that's fine that's your thing and and we have our shit right like dude it's just different women are just they're emotionally in they're just they're just it's too much you know what I'm saying and and and and uh and that's and that's and that's your thing and don't say it's not well that's why I said it's always easier to be pissed off yeah yeah yeah that that's one the plus sides of being gay just too bro Hanging out, dude. Just killing with your bros and you fuck on occasion. Bust in their anus.

What's up, dude? You know how much better this podcast would be of just occasionally? We bust in our anus? You guys fuck each other? I'm just saying, I'll just watch from Austin. It's just the, you know what I mean? Check out next Patreon. Yeah.

Brennan's just jacking off right there. So anyway, guys, we. Yeah, but they are insane. And so you go, okay, it's fine. Yeah, you have to, you have to remember. remember that. You have to be like, oh yeah, this doesn't make sense and she's wrong. You don't got to make sense. You've known about it your entire life. So it's like you're choosing the type of crazy you can hand. Well, yeah. Well, that's true too. I mean, you know, but I mean, what I'm saying is you know

there's some crazy going in. Like every guy in any relationship with a woman experiences a moment where you're going like this. What are you talking? Right, right, right. Are you, are you crazy? Every guy, every guy has had an are you crazy moment you know and then if you let that get to you all the time you're not going to be happy just let that shit go let it go that bit just be crazy bro you just like that part go and i go whatever okay because this is how it goes too even with like farting it's how to be you know you know she might crack one off or something you know and you're like that makes me sick you go crap that makes me sick bro to think of your wife farting ruined my fucking Tuesday.

Okay. It is what it is. It's not that bad, dude. No, for him, but that's his line. His line is there. So, you know, you go, all right, you might laugh or you say something or even I'll be like, oh, my God. Yeah.

You know, all right. Then you do it, okay? And then it's just like, it turns into like a thing where it's just like, you really got to, if you have to leave the room and you're going to do stuff like that and blah, blah, blah, and so in my mind, I want to be like, well, hold on a second. Are we both leaving the room when we, no. If doing all that, it does. What am I doing?

You're a lot bigger, though. To her defense, Eric, you're a lot bigger. So when you let that thing rip, it's causing, it's a tidal wave. Hers is a little blimp in the radar. Yours is a fucking, you know, you don't know women will surprise you. Yeah. Little ass women will surprise you, though. They'll fart.

They'll fucking, you go, oh, my God, is there? Hey, let me, Nick, can you be farting for your girl? Yeah, she really accepts me for all my flaws. I'd shit with the door open. Oh, that's, wow. You can't actually see it when you walk by the bathroom. I understand. Get an angle, but...

Let's get a gentleman here. Casey, you'd be fart in front of your girl? I do not, but I've got an interesting loophole. We have four dogs. So if something seats out, Jacks, Luna. That's crazy. Yep, I do that all the time.

I'm like, Donnie. That's all crazy. That's crazy. Just own your shit. Nah. Nah. Keep being you, Casey. Don't listen to these fucking...

Pull my finger. That's what I pull my finger. What are you talking about? It's pretty crazy. Yeah, that's crazy. That's, that's insane. But you know, we all have, hey, we all have our thing. I guarantee you your wife wants to fart,

but she knows that you, you react like this. I promise you, mine doesn't. I promise you. This hasn't happened in 14 years. It has. That's just crazy. Look at it. Women fart like six or seven times more than men.

No, don't look that out of that. Yeah, but not in front of their spouses. Yeah, but they, but it's like a micro, they micro-stop. Stop, stop. Out of their pussy. We should just to tap extra places. We don't burp out of our dick. We should start texting.

Brandon randomly do today your wife just farted I pretend doesn't happen I don't pretend it doesn't happen Women's farts tend to be more concentrated in odor causing gases

And can smell worse on average Uh huh Damn 14 17 times a day For men And nine to 14 I'm telling you right now Something's wrong with me I don't fart 9 to 14 times

Oh Really Nah Do you poop at the same time every day? Maybe you're just getting... That's crazy. Full efficiency. Yep, yep.

Oh, I know why. You only drink Diet Coke, dude. It's all stopped up in there. Yeah. Yeah, your intestines are probably a mess. Yeah, I eat really fucking clean and fart all day. His intestines are like a Disney ride, you know? It's like, it's a small world.

You know what I mean? It means it's efficient. It's efficient. It's not efficient. What are you talking about? He's got these guys like this. Yeah, they're just chasing women In his colon

In different languages Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Bienbenito. Yeah, so it's, you know, all right, yeah, Look at this, women's farts often have a higher concentration of hydrogen sulfide the gas Most reputable for the rotten egg smell, ew, making them a touchly smell.

Jesus Christ. Get me out of here. Brendan's get a boner. You're going to smell something funky you're going to be like, oh, God. I've, yeah, I don't, my wife. Nah, it's pretty bad. It's pretty bad when, it is pretty bad when people fart and when women fart especially.

Yeah, I agree. But that's like a, it's a thing where, but that's a thing that we've like, you know, we've trained ourselves to feel that way. That's like a thing like, yeah, women aren't supposed to do that. You know, it's like, you know, we've attached it to like not being feminine or like whatever, you know. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, that's facts. And those are the rules. Those are the rules.

So that's what it is You ever have a woman you were seeing And you didn't realize But she had like armpit hair Oh never never never never never get out On purpose Yeah Can't do it

Well no neither can I But it's it's happened where I would go What the fuck and I go oh I guess it's you know all about this person They're vegan they do you know No no no not when you're fucking random people do Yeah, I'm just saying, you know a lot of, I'm just saying that's what that's all about. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, oh, bro, that reminds you. I won't say who it is. I want to add him. We have this mutual friend who he's not married to her anymore, but we were, we were playing beach volleyball in Venice. And I was like, oh, yeah, she's an attractive girl. And then she just turned and the sun hit her face just right. And she was fucking Hulk Hogan. It was a blonde, like, mustache.

She just had hair on her face. Beach Fruzz. And I told him, I went, hey, but am I fucking crazy? Or when your girl looks at the sun a certain way, when the light hits it, she's fucking blonde mustache and fucking all here on the sides of theos, dude, yes. I'm like, well, you got to fix that. This guy just sits it to her, his friend. That's crazy.

Wow. That's like, I would be like, oh, I guess I'm keeping that to myself. I know. Your chicks got a beard? Anyway, who's serving? Yeah, she growing this. She'll be Santa for Christmas. No, a lot of women have that,

Brendan. Peach, I don't care about that. They just take care of it. That's one of those things. Like, not farting in front of you. It's one of those things they take care of not in front of you, too. You don't even give a fuck if your wife had a mustache, Chris? You're saying mustache, dude.

You know, like she's a fireman. Like, you talk about peach fuzz? I would have cared. No, my wife doesn't. listen, but if she did, I wouldn't give a fuck, no. You don't know. Chris, I don't give you she has a mustache or farts. Oh, you're gay. You've just never seen it. Yeah, that's fine.

Yeah, so I'm saying they go in their bathroom for all. They're doing a bunch of shit. That's fine. Jacksonville, I'll be in Daytona, I'll be in Omaha, Kansas City, Missouri, Detroit, Michigan, Oxnard, California, Ontario, Ontario, I got a lot of Southern California dates. And then New Year's Eve, I will be in San Antonio, Texas, come out with me and celebrate New Year's. I'm going to be someplace in New Year's. I forgot. I'll talk about it next time. But there's also Thanksgiving weekend, but Thanksgiving weekend, I'll be at the Tempey Improv. Tempe Improv Thanksgiving Week. Oh, Thanksgiving weekend, huh? I know.

And I didn't realize that until I was directed Matt Special at Tempey Improv. And I saw my picture. And I was like, oh, I'm coming here. Oh, that's funny. Yeah, I know. We're everywhere, bro. We're everywhere. So Tempe Improv Thanksgiving weekend, Friday, Saturday, Friday and Saturday.

Maybe Sunday. I think it's just Friday and Saturday, but I don't know. All right. Thanks for watching, Golden Earth. See you guys. This November, action is free on Pluto TV. Go on the run with Jack Reacher. Every suspect was a train killer.

Then buckle up for Drive, World War Z. Every human being we save is one of less spite. And Charlie's Angels. Damn, I hate to fly. Launch into sci-fi adventure with the Fifth Element and laugh through the mayhem in Tropic Thunder. What is going on here? All the thrills, all for free.

Pluto TV. Stream now. Hey, never. Hey, guys, Michael Malice here. Be sure to check out my weekly podcast. You're welcome with Michael Malice, now on podcast. Juan, you might know me from my terrible Twitter, my horrible books, or the nonsense I spout on podcasts like Rogan and Glenn Beck.

It's all there. Are you black-pilled or white-pilled for the future of the UK? What is a man? What is a man? What is a? Are you white pill or black pill? No seriousness, girl? No, no, no.

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