The Golden Hour - Crankin' Outlier | The Golden Hour #61 w/ Brendan Schaub, Erik Griffin & Chris D'Elia

Episode Date: January 5, 2024

The guys are back for the first show in the new year. They recap their New Year's Eve celebrations and talk Erik breaking his toilet seat and his workout regime, Chris' caked out cheeks, Brendan falling asleep before the New Year ball drop, Jelly Roll with Ryan Seacrest, the new Saltburn film, Dave Chappelle's new special, Tyron Woodley's leaked tape, cringe vids, Ian Ziering's mini bike gang attack, Car Masters, food courier stories and much more! Get two extra episodes every month at https://patreon.com/thegoldenhourpodcast

We're friends that laugh, we're friends that shout Sometimes we don't know what we're talking about But that won't stop us Nothing can stop us It's like a show you used to love Just rebranded enough It's stronger, better, bigger power Cause it is the Golden Hour

It's the Golden Hour You two always work. You know Chris is like, Yeah, this is your cool dude. You know what I mean? I know this dude. He's my friend. He makes music.

I was on Vine. Vine in the bread. Vine, dude. That's a hater shit. You and the bread. Fine, dude. That's a hater shit. You're being haters. All good. 2024, still hating. New year, same crew.

New year, same crew. I guess we could have done something to this. Oh, yeah. But it's okay. Just add something to it. I don't know. Well, you know, I went to the quesadilla. Oh, you did.

Comedy Club in New Mexico. It was good. It really was. The casino was good. Good gig. But I had something happen, and I want to tell you guys about it. Are we started? Did we start?

Yeah. Before we even start, though, I'll be in Sacramento. I'll be in Phoenix. Oh, God. Same year, same promotion. I'll be in Houston. Go to ChrisLewis.com. I'm mid-story.

I know, but go to ChrisLewis.com to get tickets and to get the rest of Eric's story I'll be in La Jolla this weekend Commissar La Jolla the best I'm in Austin end of the month

Austin I'm in Nashville and Austin I think it's 27th through 29th I go Nashville one night then Austin

for two nights where you at in Austin I'm at Vulcan really yep right across the street

it's a cool step mothers. It's a cool. The stepmothership. It's a cool venue. Yeah, I love the Vulcan. Okay, so I'm at, in the casino. Now listen, I've been working out. Okay? Yeah, I know.

I've seen it. That's good. I've been working out. I'm trying to get myself together. I've been doing the weightlifting. I actually love the weightlifting the best. What's that diet like though? You know, that's the thing.

The diet. I'm working on it. You know, I actually love the weightlifting the best. What's that diet like, though? You know, that's the thing. The diet, I'm working on it. One step at a time. I actually eat less. Well, you know, you have the three things. You know, cardio is for your heart, weightlifting is to get stronger, and for your weight is what you eat. Anyways, here's something that happened to keep pushing me forward.

I'm sitting on the toilet, okay, doing my business. Love stories that start like this. And then i lean to the side a little bit because i'm about to do my business right and i hear a loud crack i broke the toilet seat and those things are impossible right them bitches are tough i broke the toilet seat and i I was just like, oh, shit. Time to lose weight. Yeah, I was like, you got to keep going. We're not there yet.

There was a universe telling me, like, you're not there yet. I need you to keep working hard. Keep working hard. And I bet it was loud. Oh, man, it was. It was like, crack! And I was like, so you broke the ring? There was a crack in it.

The ring part. The ring part. Right. Oh, I thought you broke like the porcelain. No, no, no, no. The bowl. No, Brandon, come on. That's like the nuts and bolts of the toilet there.

Wow, that, yeah. Wow, all right. Yeah, so I was like. The seat was all. That's what I said. I was like, okay, okay. Keep going. Keep going.

That's one of those where you're just like, God. You know what I mean I'm glad you posted that Your clip on the Russian Using the F word Oh yeah yeah yeah Funny Yeah it's funny That's my favorite joke

Oh really Thanks I didn't think you were Going to post it though Whatever I don't care Yeah Yeah

Yeah Yeah People And then people are mad But it's all good it's okay it's okay who's mad well no people get mad when you say certain words you know oh so i did that in my special and people got mad but i feel like we haven't been in here in two years yeah it's been a bit well it's been a bit yeah you guys held it down though you held it down for two two times or what one one show patreon oh really okay cool and you made an appearance or your voice was in there we got You guys held it down, though? You held it down for two times or what? One show. Oh, really? Okay, cool.

And you made an appearance. Your voice was in there. We got your dates in there. I had you on the soundboard. I kept interrupting their dates. Really? Dude, that's hilarious. It was so funny.

Yeah, yeah. Eric loved it. Well, it's 2024. I have no resolutions. Just going to keep up my healthy lifestyle. You know what I mean? And just kind of keep pushing to the limit. healthy lifestyle. You know what I mean? And just kind of keep pushing to the limit. You know, no boundaries. You know what I'm saying?

Just keep on going, right? The sky's the limit, right? I dig it. Are you on a CB radio in a truck right now? Wait, what is that? Did you make any resolutions, anything? No. No, really?

I feel like you did. My resolution is just going to be to keep doing what I already started. Yeah, yeah. That's the best resolution, I think. Yeah, just to keep doing what I started. If you make a crazy drastic change and you start it January 1st or 2nd, you're not going to – it's not going to – Did anyone in here do resolutions?

Guys, it's about little steps you take forward to get to the goal, not getting to the goal immediately. Sorry. He's an influencer. I know. I get crazy. He tells his clients. He just needs one of those little mics like this. Yeah, the bill immediately. Sorry. He's an influencer. I know. I get crazy. He tells his clients. He just needs one of those little mics like this.

Yeah, the Bill Bell. Let me mic. Everybody. It's Steve Harvey, yeah. Nick, what'd you do for New Year's? At my place, like, I mean, I sent you guys the video. Like, I live in a fucking war zone. Like, the street, one street over, they were in the middle of the street

just launching, like, legit giant fireworks and street over, they were in the middle of the street just launching like legit giant fireworks and like walking up to the window. Like you could literally feel the explosion of the fireworks on your face. Oh, wow. I didn't see the video.

I think I didn't get it. I didn't see the video. Yeah, all I did, all we got was, I live in a war zone. We didn't get the video. And I was like, here's Nick being crazy.

So I was like, okay, man. Well, then you followed up with the Tyrone Woodley sex tape. Yeah, which by the way, that threw me off. And I was like, here's Nick being crazy. So I was like, okay, man. Well, then you followed up with the Tyrone Woodley sex tape. Yeah, which, by the way. So that threw me off. So that guy is the guy that fought Jake Paul, right? Wasn't it?

He was a UFC welterweight champion. Oh, he's a UFC guy. All right. Well, was. Then he also, to your point, he also fought Jake Paul twice, lost twice. Right. And he was going downtown on a woman. Boy, was he, like a buffet.

Right? Was it, really? I didn't. Do we see his weiner? It's funny that there's more than one woman. I watched it, and I took it in. I really took it in, you know? And I watched it, and it was, by the way,

the link was defunct after a little bit. But, yeah, it's not there anymore. But he looked like he was doing an alright job. He looked like he was doing alright. Is the tape just him eating the girl out, Nick? There's no dick involved? Am I right? Nope, Brendan.

I want some dick, dude. What is that? Episode Rub Mats? That's just a trailer for the Patreon um yeah so i don't it's not up anymore it's not but i'm looking for why did a raccoon come up for nine times he did uh well whatever we don't need to watch it again i mean you know what i mean we're gonna get rock hard and shit god damn it he did did a movie where he had a raccoon bite his dick off. And the scene was insane.

And I can't fucking fuck. Oh, that's funny. All right. Well, anyway. I like Woodley. He's a good dude. Weird videos. But he is doing that.

And I guess people are going crazy over it. I don't know. Sex tapes are so, like, who cares anymore? Yeah, that's so 1999. But I assume they tried to blackmail him and he probably didn't pay and then they released it. They're saying it might be his wife. Yeah, don't pay.

That might be his wife? His wife. So then who released it? That's what I don't know. Bring up that skeptical wiener dog. Why is that a big deal at this point? I don't think it is.

I looked at it. I literally looked at it and go... Like, imagine, look at, you see, in 1990, you'd be like, wow, that boxer did that thing. That's my face right now. Yeah, right there. That was the girl when he was doing it. God, I want one of those dogs.

Right after he said, I'm tearing this up, right, girl? What chin do for New Year's? Stay at home. Nice. Love it. Just by yourself, Chin, crying or what? What did you say, crying? Nah, he fucking had a guitar in his hand.

He was doing shit. You know what I mean? Today is going to be the day. You didn't drink or nothing, Chin? Of course I drank wine. Just fucking killing it By himself Yeah Well, for YouTube, maybe

Killing it, doing really well So no one did shit for New Year's I did No What'd you do? Oh, you partied? Oh, dude Hell yeah, man

Slight flex Suck some dick or what? Yeah Hell yeah Fuck, if you're gonna suck some dick for the first time, do it on New Year's. Start the year off right. Fucking six, five, four. But did they just mess up?

Yeah. Why are you too soon? Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it, fuck it. And then you're just like this one. Oh, God, dude. People. And then you're just like, there's one. Oh, God, dude. Flare! Flare! People.

So stupid. All right, well. You got anything for us, Nicholas? Yeah. We're all caught up. Someone sent in a new segment. They only texted it. But they sent in two videos, and you have to decide which one's more cringe Oh, that's a great idea

First one is target guy. I don't know if you saw him. Nope. You mean the This is one of those get ready with me videos I don't get this at all Yeah, and they're just Everybody's just roasting him Because he goes to the store And he sets up the camera Every step of the way He's got to set up the camera Oh

That's funny And then go back and get the camera Like Survivorman Ha ha ha ha Yeah But he's not even doing anything cool It's just like Well

It might be a twist at the end But it could be like It might show him on There's no twist Oh that's that was his day just going to target that's it so what's the caption uh this is not him who posted it right yeah okay there he's got a he's got a second one some dude said next year there's got to be fancy football last place punishment that's uh funny bro the the get ready with me is supposed to just stop after you're ready.

This guy did his whole day like it's a documentary. Thinking of him setting up all the cameras, this was to work. Then the editing. He's got to have a friend with him. I don't know. The camera seems pretty still. It's probably on a tripod. It's got a steadicam and shit. Somebody.

Is that dog food? That's what the first comment. It's a a Steadicam and shit. Somebody. Oh, all right. Well, is that dog food? That's what the first comment. It's a fucking bowl of dog food. This guy's hilarious. What does it say? Not going to lie. It's because that should be on a plate. All right.

So what's more cringe that or what else? This one. I mean, that's that's the idea is cringe. But no, bro... Nah, bro. Nah, bro. No, wait. Pause this. This dude... Pause it.

This isn't cringe. This dude ate. This dude killed it. This is not cringe. Bro. I haven't seen this. Just... This dude, he eats.

He's getting after it? This is awesome. This is not cringe at all. I fucking... He keeps saying eat. Oh, yeah, but he eats. You guys start up. Oh, fuck, dude. Too bad you can't hear the music.

Why does he dance like this? You go, all right. That's Nick, by the way. Next time we do a Patreon, we have to... Yeah. Oh, we can? It's music. Oh, he's killing it.

I love the way this guy dances, dude. I wish I could dance like that. No, no, no. Look at him. He's drunk. No, he's with it, dude. Look at that. That's it, dude.

That's good. This is not cringe at all. Oh, no. He's nice with it. No, he really is nice. Look at that. That's my favorite move. That's my favorite move.

Look at the woman in the back. She was just looking at him like, what is happening? Oh, no. He's fucking after this. Look at that. That's my favorite move. That's my favorite move. Look at the woman in the back to the left. She was just looking at him like, what is happening? Oh, no. He's fucking after this. Look at that. That's my favorite shit. That's my favorite shit. Rain dance on that ass.

Yeah. That was the one. I like how he's combining like super white with a little bit of hip hop. Yeah, a little bit. A sprinkle. You know what? You know what I mean? This guy's done this so many times.

You know what my favorite part about the whole thing is? His head barely moves. My favorite part is the fat guy in the back. Not that him. The legs thing's the best. I like the girl who's not into it at all. Yeah. Oh, that guy's great.

Yeah, that's great. They're all looking at him like, what is happening? Why? He's smooth with it. He's nice. Yeah, he's nice.'re all looking at him Like what is happening He Why He's smooth with it He's nice Yeah he's nice He does this a lot That is not cringe

He's the one guy That can dance He's not cringe Everybody at that party Get into it Let me tell you something Whoever sent those videos in They don't really understand cringe

Yeah yeah Cause that first one Is the idea of it is cringe But it's just silly Cringe I don't think the first one's silly To me it's like It's dumb content Well yeah it's boring yeah But it's silly that cringe i don't think the first one's silly to me it's like this is dumb content well yeah it's boring yeah but but but but it's silly that he did it got a cool outfit

on well that makes you think about like did he do it by himself there's too much thinking involved for it to be great like that what i'm saying with that one though is you need to like he needs to do a video of him doing the video it's like yeah yeah you know what i mean like there's like another camera and he's placing that behind the scenes yeah behind the scenes and you'd be like oh god this is not worth it yeah this guy's not cringe this guy's fucking fantastic he's nice with it and i wish i could dance like that yeah i bro that's awesome yeah there's one more okay you're right they all don't really fit the definition of cringe. It's more embarrassing. Oh, my God.

Everyone's trying not to laugh. My favorite is the security guard. The security guard's like, oh. The other guy didn't even look up. He's still on his phone. He pretended he didn't see it. The security guard's like, oh. The other guy didn't even look up. He's still on his phone. He pretended he didn't see it. The security guard's like this. Bro, he's been that tall for how long?

Yeah. Probably since he was 10. Eight years? I'm surprised that he's not mad at the fucking arena. I'd be so mad at the architect who ever made that fucking thing. Who built this thing? Imagine you get scared. The guy's asleep, and he just gets a call.

You're fired. You made the fucking thing. They're basketball players, you fucking idiot. As long as they're not skipping, you should be good. He's like, I got it right in the plant. No skipping. He's like, no, like I said, as long as they don't skip, they should be just fine.

Was he skipping? I told him to put the no skipping sign up. Oh, man. We're also getting sent a lot of dad life stuff. All right. Well, hey, look. We're all in it pretty much. This Eastern Kentucky coal miner raced directly from his shift,

still covered in soot. Could he have not just taken a shirt to the face, though? To do what? To take his son to the game. He went straight from the coal mine to take his son. Kudos to him. Dad passed. But couldn't you have just taken your shirt and went like this?

I'm surprised he's not getting canceled for blackface. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. That is awesome. That's work face. That is awesome. Oh, look, somebody said it in the comments. Yeah. Takes 35 seconds to wash your face, dude. That's awesome. Yeah, it does. That is awesome. Oh, look. Somebody said it in the comments. Takes 35 seconds to wash your face, dude.

That's awesome. Yeah, it does. Yeah. That is kind of like they have bathrooms there. But you know what he is? He don't give a fuck. Nah. I like this whole thing.

I like this whole thing. Yeah. We took Calvin to the... Very similar to this. We took Calvin to play mini golf. Yeah. I'm kidding. It's not similar. I was about to say, how in the fuck is it similar?

I'm joking, bro. On our day off, we took him to mini golf. And you went in blackface. You went right in front of him. Why are you dressed like that? Did he like it or did he get frustrated? No, he liked it, actually. We did like eight holes and he was like, can I kick the ball?

Yeah. Then there were the putt and it goes over the hill. was like we did like eight holes and he was like can i can i kick the ball yeah yeah and then he just went to then there were the the you know where you putt and you do the and it goes over there and he was like can i just run on it it really devolved after eight holes but um and they're like all right run one more time you know and he's like i want to keep running it was but it was uh it was fun man he he's actually he got he kind of got a swing for like, not even four. Little Tiger Woods? My mother-in-law is a golfer, and so she was like loving showing him. Like she plays golf?

She's Tiger Woods. Tiger Woods is my mother-in-law. No, she plays like all the time, and she's good, yeah. So, fucking store that in your Pentium. Did you see Ian Ziering from 90210? Oh I did, I did this on No I haven't seen this I did this on congratulations

I don't live on the internet But let's watch it Because this guy holds his own bro What is it? First of all Well I said all this on congratulations But Let me see it

Go ahead, play it, play it This is Who is he? Oh from 90210 It's also Ian Ziering Oh So Ian Ziering? So. Ian Ziering?

Yeah. He gets beat up? Not really. It's pretty weird. It's a biker gang? Well, kind of. Tiny bikes? I mean, look at the things.

I mean, a biker gang? Oh, he's attacking them? But we don't know what happened. Oh, no. Does he not realize there's a ton of them? He don't give a... This guy's gangster. Does he not realize there are a ton of them This guy's gangster Does he not realize there's a ton of them

And then also they're all wearing helmets So don't punch Why is he running away like that Well there's nine of them I like that he goes for the street fighter leg sweep Oh Why are they all so fat and out of shape? Why are they all on mini bikes?

Look at the bikes they're using, you know? But my... Who fucks that one guy up, though? Why did he start this? We don't know if he started it. They probably did something. Is that his car? Yeah, I think the Mercedes, no.

Or they went by and were like, 90210 sucks, and he freaked the fuck out. Melrose Place is better. I think he was on that too. But he, by the way, and I said this. The most out of shape biker gang I've ever seen. He is one of the nicest guys, which is. Well, that video makes a difference.

Unless he's defending himself against a biker gang, dude. Is that a biker gang? Using the word biker gang. Very, yeah. That's a Jenny Craig's gang. Yeah we're losing, using the word biker gang. Very, yeah. That's a Jenny Craig's gang. Yeah, this is just some.

That happen to have bikes. This is just some idiots on a, you know. This tweet from Adam, Adam Carolla cracked me up. I told you guys, mini bike gangs are the beginning of the end for a city. Like this.

I guess that happens. It's more than SABAC. It means no respect for law enforcement. That's hilarious. He kind of held his own. I don't like how he ran away like that. Bro, but Brendan, come on. I mean.

No, but. Look at Mario on the right. Look at Mario on the right. The one guy gets a good punch and then he's like, run. Look at this. This is my best lick sweep. Wrong. He was also.

The problem is the girl. Yeah. Wow.. He was also the problem is the girl Yeah, wow. This is the worst. What is the girl doing? No one can fight like get out of here. Yeah, what is the girl doing? What is she doing, dude? This is one of them things where it's like the net girl gets hit and he's in trouble Yeah, but what's his character's name on 90210? Uh? Scott Steve, what was it? Oh if I've been like Steve get behind me He's in trouble. Yeah. But what's his character's name on 90210? Scott? Steve? What was it?

Oh, if I'd been like, Steve, get behind me. You know? Like how no one helps him out? Like all the people just watching? Steve, wow. Wow. I got it. You're a dork.

Yeah. I used to watch the show, but that was fucking forever ago. I did too. But first of all, what are you supposed to do? Like you're watching this. Pull the guys back. I'm great. It's seven on one. I'm great at getting it. Yeah, what are you supposed to do? You're watching this. Pull the guys back. I'm great. It's seven on one.

I'm great for getting it. Yeah, but you're going to get involved in that, and then they're going to start attacking you. Nah, dude, hold on. All that happened so quick. You would have been like, what? Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go back to the video.

Not seven on one. But here's the other thing, though. You don't know who the good guy is or who the asshole is. Don't care. Seven on one? Let's say they did. Let's say one of those helmets land and they start curb stomping his face. And you're just like, this is crazy.

What do you want to eat for lunch? People are bitches, dude. It's nuts. It's true. Yeah, true. No one's going to help? You're right. It's like when you see a little kid getting bullied on a train And everyone's just sitting there

On the train It's like Fucking do something Yeah that's fucked up But Yeah Look at the bikes What part did you want to see Eric?

Also did you not enjoy 90210? It's the least you can do Well something So he was in that car So maybe the guy was on his car Do you think beforehand He went like this 90210

No And that's coming to Fox. Here we go. Yeah. This is the moment he realized, oh, okay. It's a biker gang. I made a tactical error here. That guy's got the politics hat right there in the back. I got the politics shirt, bro.

The biker gang. See the people in the background there? They're seeing this and they're like, what's going on? This does happen very fast. Yeah. Well, yeah. But hold on.

We're losing. Look at the bitch ass bikes. Yes. Yeah. But that's probably why he attacked him. Now, if those are all Hell's Angels, he's probably going, my bad, guys. But because he's like, look at those bitch ass bikes. Hold on.

I want to talk about this. I haven't talked about this on my podcast. And we should talk about it. Because you're a car guy. Yes. I watched this show on Netflix. I don't know what it originally was on, but I don't think it's a Netflix show,

but it's called Car Masters, and it's about the Gotham Garage guys. Do you know Gotham Garage? Yes. I don't know. It's the guys in Gotham Garage, and they do custom cars car masters that's it rust delicious bro oh so this is just the the white

pimp my ride not really it's not it's not it's not really do actual cars they do cars and they make their they put their custom you know me i'm not big on custom shit. Like I like the way it comes. So they'll get a car, but sometimes they'll get half of an old car and turn it into a new which is cool, I get it. But some of the shit that they make, bro, it's so horribly bad.

Like what? Give me an example. Just Google the Ferrari that they fucking custom. They ruined it? Bro. Bro. I am watching this. Just Ferrari Gotham.

It's a 488? It's a 430. They cut the middle out of it. It's a 430 it's all they cut the middle out of it's a it's a 430 no they they did an amalgamation of a bunch of different ferraris dude look could you it says gotham garage oh on the front dude and it has spider webs in the intake bro could you fucking imagine driving that around now can you imagine if you sent it to them, and then you don't know what you're going to get,

and you walk in, and you're like, what the fuck is this? Dude, they made... Why is your logo on my hood? Is that Steven Seagal? That does look like him right there. Now, look, some of the cars they make are better. This is one of the worst ones,

but I'm like, what does the car community think about this shit? First of all, you don't do this to a Ferrari, obviously. But this, dude, they cast the back of it. Bro, just look at some of the cars that they made. Sometimes they just need to do it for the episode. That looks like. I know. This looks like what somebody that owns a Ferrari would do.

No. Because you're already dumb enough to spend that amount of money on a Ferrari. A real Ferrari owner is not going to touch them. They're not going to mod them like that. That has to be some moron. Look at this. Look at this. Look at the Tesla.

They made a gas-powered Tesla. I'm in. Dude. Look at the front of it with the bat. Dude. That's where it gets gay. That's where I fall off. But put a gas engine motor in a Tesla's lit.

Dude, Brendan. Because you take the gayness away and put a combustion engine. Brendan, you don't take the gayness away. This is your fault. What is? Because you brought this up like you thought he was going to be on your side. This is why I brought it up. I'm like, oh it. You thought he was going to be on your side. This is why I brought it up. And you did that. Oh, this is fantastic.

I want to know. I wanted to know what he thought of it. I was hoping. The Ferrari is disgusting. Bro. They ruined that thing. Yeah. Oh, my God.

It's horrible. That's very pimp my ride-ish, where none of it's functional. You ruin the car. If it's pimp my ride ride at least put a hot tub in it at least make it put a fish tank in it yeah and by the way this guy is cool i'm not no not but like what maybe it's just for the episodes but like that's why they're literally they're like we're gonna do something to get it and it always cuts to this one blonde dude and he's like i got a guy who's a buyer that and the buyer comes in and it's just like he's like this is absolutely gorgeous that is not gorgeous this is a one-of-a-kind no shit it's one-of-a-kind you put a fucking

dick on the hood it's a one-of-a-kind this guy that guy i've got a buyer doesn't he look like a guy who says that has a v-neck on look at this guy yeah dude wait nick that picture next to the cowgirl on the bottom that the car. The Tesla? No, no, no. Well. Oh. No, the other. Yeah.

Yeah. Can you zoom in on that? Come on, bro. Imagine driving that fucking thing around, bro. Well, first of all, those things are going to make noise when you're on the highway. Dude. So it doesn't make sense. That is the ninth of all. Well, the spider web with a bat on it is an issue as well that's the thing gotham garage

is they put spider web that's awful it's very orange coast customs remember when they do it's worse but go to the worst rags to riches cars just google that or something bro i can't some of these i'm watching it with my wife. My wife is playing Pokemon. Every now and then she looks up and she's like, and she says, that's so ugly. I would actually, I'm interested to see how they even got that

engine. Oh, go, go, go. Wait, go back. The upper left one. Bro. Bro. That's like a Bentley. This was the dream car he wanted to make since his childhood. Is it cheese? It's a Bentley. Dude, all he did is copy a Bentley.

I'm sorry, a Bugatti. Look at that, bro. It's like a Bugatti. Here's the best part. They wanted to sell that with a motorcycle that went with it that looked the same for $300,000 altogether. Bro. Those are horrible looking cars. Listen, when you have disposable wealth.

It has three of the lights in the front, bro. This is what you do. I disagree. You know, this is what you do. I understand. You make smart. There's so many smart, this is what you do. I understand. There's so many smart cars you could buy. These are worth nothing.

When you have dumb money, you want to do dumb things. I don't even know. Because you can. Yeah, like Titanic shit. Yeah. They have made, you know, some... I can't even... But they have to do the weird, wild shit for the show. I guess so.

So it's different, I guess. I guess so. Zoom out. Like, go back to what we were looking at like that red one's all right you know they did that red one it's i get it at least they're like trying to do something like futuristic but you know how that tesla has the combustion engine in it so so dodge and ford they're you know they're going to make electric but what they're going to do they have it available where you can pull the battery out the front so you can put in a combustion engine so you're going to make electric, but what they're going to do, they have it available where you can pull the battery out the front so you can put in a combustion engine.

Really? You're going to see the gear heads starting to take electric, putting real engines in them. What a weird fucking thing. It's what they have to do, these people who don't like electric. At least that's supposed to be silly. No, the webs are fucking stupid on the front. I agree, but at least that's supposed to look silly.

What are you, the biggest Wednesday fan? Is that a hearse? I don't know. God, these cars. Not my style. No. that's supposed to look silly. What are you, the biggest Wednesday fan? Is that a hearse? I don't know. God, these cars. Not my style. No. That's the old Batman vehicle. Can I ask you guys something?

When it comes to cars, I am just not a classic car guy. Same. When I see a classic car, I don't feel nothing. Especially this, too. Have you ever been in a classic car? It's awful. You get in, you go, where the fuck's the radio? All of it's awful.

Like, the seatbelt is bullshit. You need an entertainer in there singing. They don't even have a radio. It's not unusual to be loved by anyone. When the shark bites. He's just in the back. In a tuxedo. Pearly white.

I just don't get it. And then when they're too loud and they always smell like gasoline. They're terrible. That's the good part about it. You know, I just... Yeah, it's awful. Bluetooth.

Bluetooth or bus, bro. I'm out. Bluetooth. But here's what you can do. So you have... Imagine this too. You have to reverse like this. You got to turn.

What are we talking about? I do that now in cars. There's dope stuff you can do. You don't appreciate like the old Challengers The old Cobras GT40 It's obviously a beautiful car but here's the deal

It looks great but it's not practical Totally It's a hot girl with herpes No that's far That's going far But here The If you have four cars and your fifth car is a car like this.

That's what most people do. They're not daily driving that. No, no. Some guys are the guy with the car that are like right around the neighborhood and you're like, this asshole. Yeah. Roar, roar, roar, roar, roar, roar. Yeah, yeah.

And then wants to talk about it every time he parks. Yeah, exactly. Some guys are that guy and that guy sucks. No, he's not that guy. He is that guy. It's a new car. Yeah, but it's new.

No, no, but the thing is it's like that truck is like the truck people hear it. It's like... Dude, I've made so many friends. I hear a truck. I've made so many...

I'm at the gas station and I'm like, what have you done to him? I'm like, I thought you'd never ask. I've made a truck. I've made so many friends. I'm at the gas station. I'm like, what have you done? I'm like, what? I thought you'd never ask. Everywhere we go, even at fucking Air One, the guy was like, hey, I heard your truck. He didn't even have the horn on it. He has one of those boat things that go, so loud.

But those old school cars, what they're doing now, like at Fusion Motorsports, so that body, it looks just like that. Right. But the chassis chassis the suspension the electronics the seating everything is 2024 well that that and they're fucking dope i have yet to see that one thing i have yet to see a lot of people oh i guess i'll i'll i haven't seen that because the one like i have a buddy of mine it had like a what was it what was it like a gto something and that shit was like you, 10 miles to the gallon. Right, right, right.

You know, like it's loud. It always smelled like gas. We're rich, but that's fine, 10 miles a gallon. But the whole thing about the- That's not it, Nick. But yeah, no, it's- Yeah, that's how I feel about classic cars. If it's your fourth or fifth car, okay.

Ah, there's so much like history behind it. There's so much. Yeah, I understand. And it's an investment. If you get a GT500 or something. If you. There's so much history behind it. They're so dope. Yeah, I understand. And it's an investment. If you get a GT500 or something. If you want to buy one and not drive it. But you know what? This is part of the problem.

This is my problem with electric cars. The amount of technology and the shit that goes into making that GT500 is so dope, man. Yeah, I get it. And they're way easier to work on. Sure. If you want to add mods or the drive chain, the chassis, they're so much easier to work on. Yeah.

You can do it yourself. They're just not for bitches. The end product is still the end product, though. Yeah, but you know what irks me? You know what really grinds my gears? When someone goes, ugh, too loud. Hey, man. What are we doing?

What do you mean, though? You don't like that your Ferrari's loud? No, it's cool. No, I don't wish it was quiet. I wish I could just get this thing quieter. You just want your Ferrari to be like this? Yeah, yeah. Like an electric car.

No, I like the Ferrari, and I like the way it sounds, and that's cool. But I wouldn't make it any louder. But it came with the Novatec exhaust, which is already loud. Right. But I often put it on the mode where it's not as loud. Yeah, you don't open it up. Right, right, right. So –

Ha, ha! I'm that guy. He judged you on his face. Yeah went like this you were just like he really disappointed you you were like oh chris i thought i thought more of you so you know your ferrari the ff the hatchback you know what they built that for the luso but yeah but you know why they did it why so it's a businessman's car so they can drive in the winter so no i know i do know that yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm a businessman and I drive in the winter. Dude, I fucking- It's the only reason

they made this car. It's a hatchback so they can drive in the winter. Yep. Businessman's driving the winter. It's so cool, bro. While they're talking about this, you cut over to me

and I'm putting a silencer on a gun to fucking kill myself. Oh, yeah, yeah. All this sounds great. Why would you kill yourself quietly? No, you know how I hate on electric cars.

Because I like electric cars. Dude, you know how I hate on electric cars. Because I like electric cars. Dude, you know how I hate on electric cars, but there was one, the guy, it was an old school Bel Air, but it looked insane. I was like, what the fuck? He goes, it's electric. Dude, the inside, the interior, the electronics are like, this is electric? He's like, yeah, man. Well, they're going to figure out how to do it.

Well, they have more. They've already figured it out. Because there's no engine and all that stuff, they have more space to do stuff like that. But I'll say this. The interior is insane. I was talking to an engineer guy, right? And he was talking about the battery technology. And this is how the guy explained it to me is that the battery technology that's out there right now is equivalent to like tube TVs.

Right, of course. And 4K TVs are about to come out. And it's like so all this technology that they do with the batteries, in maybe two or three years, it's going to be so much better, but everybody's going to be forced to have all this older technology. Like the distance used to be the issue, like a charging station. With the technology, even now, it's not in the new electric motors, but eventually that's not going to be – the distance range isn't going to be an issue.

So certain cars, it's not now. They should make the battery – they're going to make the battery to where you can just take it out and charge it in your kitchen, dude. Well, they're going to have – it's just going to be swappable. Right. Like you're going to get to a place and it's going to be – Right, right, right.

You know, and then you're going to go. I saw a Fisker the other day. That was the one that you put the thing – Yeah, yeah. It looked pretty cool. The company that stole $5,000 from me, that saw a Fisker the other day. That was the one that you put the thing. I don't know. It looked pretty cool. The company that stole $5,000 from me? That company? I saw one the other day. You don't see many, you know.

But it was the- Yeah, because they're having trouble delivering and all. They used to catch on fire. No, no. It's a different company. Yeah. That's Fisker. I know, but I don't mind that a company failed.

I don't mind a little fire. I don't mind that a company tried something, failed, and it came back. Yeah, yeah. I don't mind that. Jack in the Box killed a bunch of people and then fucking their burgers are back. I saw an article. Yeah, E. coli. They had that whole E. coli thing in the 90s.

Oh, fuck, I totally forgot. Yeah, see? Oh, is this another angle of the fight? And you'd be chomping down on them burgers now, bro. No, dude. You live off Jack in the Box now, man. Oh, man. Yeah, you and the fam.

Eric, do you just get furious when you see Fiskars on the road now? I haven't even seen one. Look at this fucking trying to instigate. You don't see fiskers on the road now i haven't even seen one look at this fucking trying to instigate no i don't even well they they're they're yeah they're very i mean even in in la you'll see him you know bro it is crazy when you travel the the the how many nice cars are in la that you realize that you realize? When you travel, bro, there are so many Uruses, right? That's what they call it? The Lamborghini one? G-Wags and Uruses.

Everywhere. It's unbelievable, dude. Everywhere. It's un-crankin' believable. That's my new thing. Oh, I like it. Crank it. Stop trying to make cranking happen.

Well, I'm not going to try and make cranking happen. It's just I say F word a lot, and I'm going to change it to cranking. But if you live in, like, Missouri, if you have a U.S., you're an outlier. You're an outlier. You know? Cranking? Yeah, no, I know. You mother cranker.

You're a cranking outlier. You're a cranking outlier. If you have one of these in Iowa, you're a cranking outlier. Crank you. Cranking outlier is the name of the episode. No, but you know what it is, though? It depends on, like on where you are. I mean, I think that there are people,

there are rich people everywhere. But in certain parts of the world, certain parts of the country, their money goes way further. Oh, yeah. You know, like I was in, where was I? Like Kentucky or something like that.

And I did this like weird podcast x5 podcast shout out i forgot where i was but the guy that owned it was like super rich he understood he had a night rider car wow fully operational night rider car god damn with a thing that you hit a thing and then the music would come on you know what i mean yeah he had like that's a midwest rich right but yeah but what i'm saying is like i think there it is right there so the guy the great guys these guys shout out to these guys you know what i mean uh but what i'm saying is um there so i i think when you see this kind of stuff i think that you know there are more people like when you see it you're like damn you know that person is like one of those guys that owns half the town.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? But I don't understand what your point is. You're saying. No, no, I'm saying it's like. You're saying money is everywhere. You're just going to be in a certain pocket. I'm saying money is everywhere.

Where you go. I think there's probably more poor people in LA. Oh, yeah. Well, of course there are. There's more rich, too, though. But I'm just saying. It's where you go. I think you.

Yeah, I'm just saying the cars are fucking crazy. But yeah, I mean, you spend your money differently. In LA, it's fucking very ostentatious. But yeah, I just can't believe. I think people flaunt their money here more. Yeah, sure. Because it's like such a status thing. But if you go to Kentucky, it's like the guy with the most fucking racehorses is flexing.

I know, but the thing, too, is it's crazy, though, when you go out in the world and somebody will be like, yeah, man, I moved out here because I got a seven-bedroom house with 80 acres for $130,000. And you're just like, what? I should move. I know. I should go to Phoenix. I should just go. Have you thought about it?

Yeah, I have thought about moving to Phoenix, yeah. Phoenix? You know why, though? I love Phoenix. Think about what kept us here. Yeah, I have thought about moving to Phoenix, yeah. Phoenix? You know why, though? It's so hot. Think about what kept us here. I mean, granted, you're building that castle up the street, but remember, we used to stay here.

Moats are expensive. Eric's still doing sets every night, but it's not like you're at the comic store. Yeah. No, I do. I can work on my shit in my head, and also, you know what I mean? I'm good now. You do the road. Yeah, you've been doing it long enough

where you don't need to be in L. do your yeah i can work smarter and uh selfishly i don't want you to leave no i know i i don't i won't but uh i won't leave at least anytime soon but uh but there's also a lot of clubs out there bro you know they have a lot of and and also you're i'm big enough where i could start something you know know what I mean? Like, it's like, there's so many options, but I'm not going to move because we're building a house. But I'm just saying, yeah, I've thought about it. And then taxes. That I've looked into super detailed. You're not going to save that much because property tax, like Texas, for instance, I look at Texas, Nashville.

Yeah, they don't have the state tax like we do. But that property tax is way more than ours. So the government's going to get theirs. You think by going out there and not paying state tax? No, I know. And maybe if you're making Rogan money, then you're saving a lot of money. He could be in Iraq. It doesn't matter.

But when you're making that money, it doesn't matter. No, but isn't that why he moved? Most of the big reason. No, I don't think money was a motivator for Joe. I think he just doesn't get down – L.A. has become dangerous to his point. Yeah. He wanted to start his own club, and that was the best place to go. Sure.

Yeah. But when you talk about that much money – I would say somebody like Rogan, he doesn't live in Austin. He lives on Earth. Right. And he could put – so when he feels like it he'll be like i think i want to move to montana right i think i want to move to wherever and he can do that right most of us in iowa so like with the pitch when you should move to austin you know

i'm talking i'm like but i'm not you dog like it's different from you know well it's like this uh few days ago before shit hit the fan with my baby girl. But I was around these guys. I was buying this car. And I didn't realize how rich these dudes were. You ever been in a conversation like, oh, I'm in a different tax bracket. I'm going to see myself out the door. Where were you?

I was at this car shop buying a car. But we were talking about business. And like, oh, we should do this. And we're talking about dealers. And I'm like, oh, that'd be dope. Like, all we need is the initial investment of this. And I was like, oh, check, please. Like, no, no, no.

And they're talking about like private jets. I was like, yeah, that'd be cool, huh? Kevin Hart has a funny story. And it's like one of his stand-up things. He was talking about he's hanging out with some, he's got some very wealthy friends. Sure. You know, and they went out, you know, and they spent a ton of money in a night then he realized the difference because they wanted to do it again the next night so that's when you're like so he

said i got go out one night money yeah maybe i spent you know now he's good go spend 35 000 dollars you like whoa i won't do that again these guys like hey we're going to the club again or whatever again you know that's like well did you ever big J talk about Kevin he didn't realize how big Kevin Hart was because they grew up together you know in comedy and he said these shows play Xbox or PlayStation or like on the road they'd always play it so he called Kevin up after you know he's doing the big tour come up and he was like yeah come on man you gotta say he's like cool I'll bring my PlayStation man he's like what he's gonna bring, man. He got on stage. He's like, cool. I'll bring my PlayStation, man. He's like, what? He's like, I'll bring my PlayStation. He's like, oh,

we just buy one every city, man. You don't need to bring that shit. He's like, no, no doubt. He was like, oh, he's made it. He just buys a new one to every fucking city. Do you know what, you know who does that kind of,

Bobby does that. Bobby will like. Bobby's making enough money where he can do that. I know what I'm saying. He won't buy a new PlayStation, but he used to tell me that, you know, he would go to his town, buy a TV

so he could hook up his thing. But Bobby also- And then he would leave it in the room. He might be bad with money too. He's bad with money. No, he's bad with money. Kevin Hart might get, he can do that. But also, Bobby has no bills.

He's just- You don't have a big nut. He's just a guy that lives somewhere you know i mean he doesn't have kids he doesn't he just bought a house yeah you know it's like he's he's he dude he would he would say he not that this is a big money but he would be like He would say, not that this is big money, but he would be like, he was like, I was somewhere and he was either with me or I was packing for a trip underwear. And he was like, why do you bring underwear?

And I was like, well, because I'm a human. And he was like, I don't know. You just buy it there and you leave it in the room. That's like Cat Williams. He does the same thing. Well, who was it? Yeah, Allen Iverson. Allen Iverson. Yeah, he went broke. He doesn't pack. He went broke. He's like Cat Williams. He does the same thing. Well, who was it? Yeah, Allen Iverson. Allen Iverson.

Yeah, he went broke. He doesn't pack. He went broke. He went broke from this. He doesn't pack. He goes, as soon as I get to town, I just send my people there to go shopping and I leave that stuff in the hotel room.

It's pretty nuts. So some of the maids are like, dude, this is lit. It's pretty irresponsible. Let's have some magic mine. I like it cold, but it's all good. Dude, yeah, no, it's irresponsible to do that. Yeah, it is.

It's just stupid. I would love to do that. Do you have money or not? I wouldn't like to do that. Oh, we have these still? We're still doing this? Okay. Brandon, Eric, Chris, Chin, Nick, those weird people in the back, whatever.

Anyways, Chris, I'll be seeing you on the 13th in Sacramento. Can't fucking wait, buddy. Sold out of sold out a show got another one got a great question what is y'all's go-to drive-thru order any place any item what's that guilty pleasure you know it's 1 a.m. steak and what's that food item y'all getting what are you craving this one's easy for me. It'd be great if like Boa Steakhouse had a drive-thru. That'd be so dope.

It's just, yeah. They have one in the airport now. Boa Steak Airport. It's quick. Wait, what do you mean it's quick? You know, they have to be quick.

It's a steak because you gotta catch a fucking flight. We're at the fucking airport. Yeah, but no one's gonna go there to get the fucking steak. It's packed.

Let's go to the airport one. You have to buy a Southwest flight so you can get in. My go-to order is 9-11, you need a flight even get in. My go-to order is Burger King. Oh, you're talking about Place? Yeah, I get two Whoppers, cheese and ketchup only. It's my absolute favorite.

Cheese and ketchup only? Yep, that's it. God, what a communist. What a fucking communist. Goddamn American. Dude, I only kind of go to like In-N-Out really is the only. If I'm going to go to one, I'm going to go to In-N-Out. Me too.

So overrated. But if I'm going to be general about it, I don't do anything. A double cheeseburger is just the thing to do. Anybody who gets the chicken sandwich or something is like a weirdo, dude. Yeah. You know? What's your order, Eric? Carl's Jr.

Nah, there we go. The Chicken Club is great. Sure. I'm sure it is. Taco Bell's fucking lit, Eric? Carl's Jr. The Chicken Club is great. Sure. I'm sure it is. Taco Bell is fucking lit, dude. Taco Bell is not. A quesadilla? Chicken quesadilla?

Lit. Taco Bell is really fucking bad, dude. And it tastes bad. No, you're a piece of shit. Am I? Yeah. Am I? Dude, I haven't had Taco Bell since 1999.

I remember the last time I had it. Dude, a Mexican pizza? They brought it back thanks to Doja Cat? I was in Union Square. Nothing is thanks to Doja Cat. I was in Union Square. I went to Taco Bell. I was 19.

I walked in, got something. Don't remember what it was. Walked out of Taco Bell. Ate it on the way out. And I remember this clear as day i walked out and i and i thought in my head that's the last time i'm ever gonna have taco bell and i have not had it since bro and that is so good for you that is so me the whole thing is so me and it was let's see how long 29 39 it's 25 fucking years ago bro bro. You haven't had it since? I have not had a bite of Taco Bell.

Their new grilled stuffed burritos, pretty fucking good, dude. I mean, they make it to be good, right? If you have a fast food place, everything should be good. Every single thing should be good because it's made, designed chemically to explore your dopamine. It is supposed to be good. And you can't. So it's not like a restaurant where it's like, ah, they tried. They really gave it their all.

But like, it wasn't fresh this day. Yeah, they got it dialed in. They got it dialed in. Yeah. That's why people are so fat. Dialed in. Don't look over here. I didn't.

I didn't. I don't like how you didn't give us a good order. You looked over. You saw it. I don't like how you didn didn't i didn't i don't like i don't like it you did you looked over you saw it i don't like how you didn't give us a good order slow mo it but i was hoping for a little more feedback on eric in slow motion he's going like this yeah it's like i don't like how you didn't give us any feedback on your go-to order you went they have good chicken sandwiches but hey yeah he said he goes to in and out yeah i go to you but that in and out is not overrated bro that shit's got staying power man it's been around a whopper with cheese crushes in and out well because you know why because she's a chick yeah chicks will eat her thing is like anything she wants me to stop at del taco yeah

yeah yeah oh i love that for the chili cheese fries. Oh, that's sad. Del Taco's problem is they can't pick a lane. I know. Pick a lane. Why are burgers on your menu? Dude, when I used to eat fast food, I used to go get the burger at Del Taco. It's pretty good. That's lame.

No, you don't do that, dude. You guys don't know your shit. I'm American. What? The Double Del? I don't remember. I don't know what that is. I like their hot sauce. It was 20 years ago.

Their fucking hot sauce is fire, dude. You just eat it? Just fucking the hot sauce. Yeah, so I don't know. I really, I don't know. When I was really bad, it would be like just McDonald's. But give us your order. Hit us with the order.

It's all good, bro. Yeah, McDonald's. We're talking Big Mac? Quarter pounder. It doesn't matter. Big Mac or quarter pounder. Dude, you roll up to the one. Yeah, McDonald's. We're talking Big Mac. Quarter Pounder. It doesn't matter. Big Mac or Quarter Pounder. Dude, you roll up to the McDonald's window. Hey, what do you want?

It doesn't matter. I got $10. Give it to me. I got $10. There was one McDonald's I used to like to go to. You need $4. There was one McDonald's I liked to go to because the guy in the booth was so hot. He was this big fat guy.

Right. You know what I mean? He's hot. And he just would be like, I can't take your money, Montez. Oh, really? That's cool. He kept kept going back so it wasn't that long ago i'm kidding just for the joke uh so no i i went i yeah i used to go to this what was it western bagel right that's that yeah right yeah and this is i wasn't even doing stand-up at this time. This was before I did stand-up. The dude used to always hook me up, man.

And I'd be like, yo, let me get to whatever I would get there. And he'd be like, yo, take it. And I don't know why he did that because now I know why people do that. He's trying to fuck. But my roommate was like, bro, he's trying to fuck you. Yeah, 100%. And I'm like, I don't think he is, dude. And I still don't think he was. No, you're 100% right and i'm like i don't think he is dude and and i still don't think he was and i got so many bagel sandwiches but you kept going back i wanted i

wouldn't pay i wanted to pay i really like the sandwiches really it had nothing to do with the free shit i don't i just i wanted i wanted the sandwiches yeah you're like a girl that goes out to the bar with her tits out yeah i guess you know i don't know why they're giving me these after a while, before you walked into the restaurant, you'd be like. He never crossed the line. Hey, bro.

The one that bothers me is Chipotle when you're fucking there. Chipotle. Chipotle with a J. And when they give you the scoop of chicken, you're all. You said it with a G. Yeah, it's a pun. Chipotle.

Chipotle. You're jipping him. Yeah, jipping me, dude. Oh, okay, cool. Thank you, Nick. When they give you that scoop of chicken. Company man. They give you that scoop of chicken, you're like, come on, bro.

I'll go. Come on. 100%. I go, really? 100%. And they go, ah, I got you, man. I can't stand that. Right when they do it, I'll go, come on, bro.

Especially if I'm going to be here watching you make it. What are we doing? But that's all it takes. What are we doing, bro? When I see the scoop, I'll go, come on, bro. And then they're like, oh, my bad. There's a glass, bro? When I see the school, I go, come on, bro. And then they're like, oh, my bad. There's a glass right here. I can see.

Yeah, yeah. You want me to watch? Because you're asking me. Don't ask me, hey, you want some of this? Okay. You want this? Then we get to the point of the burrito. And they're just like.

You know you're fucked when they look at the chicken and go, we need chicken. Because there's six people in line. Then they really portion it out. This is the point of the burrito. This is fat talk, dude. That is fat talk. The point of the burrito is this. And you want to get to that?

And you want to jit me on that? I disagree, bro. Really, bro? Oh, fuck off. I disagree. You're all about the vegetables and the rice and everything else? No, but it's all an amalgamation of the fucking shit how about this how about this i hate any burrito place when you get home and let's say you ask for sour cream and

all this kind of stuff bro i know where you're going wait you bought into the burrito and it's just like the bottom rice yeah and you eating eating eating and then the bottom they didn't like who the made this bro when you like this we go like this we go i don't you, they didn't. Like, who the fuck made this? Bro, when you go like this, when you go, I don't, and you go, they didn't disrupt it. It's the worst. It's the worst. It's like, you made it like that? It's the worst. The worst.

You put your shit like that. Yeah. These motherfuckers go, stupid. Yeah. Yeah. That's why. What the fuck are we doing? Bro, that's why you gotta fucking, before you get your burrito, everybody knows this,

you get the burrito, you fucking shake it. So stupid. Thank you, shake it. So stupid. Shake your burrito. So stupid. You do it like an hourglass. I do it like this. I turn it over. It makes sure all the shit drips.

We got to be a business. We can start a burrito shaker. We can get a fucking burrito, put it in there. It shakes it all up. I can see us on Shark Tank. Hey, guys. Have you ever went to the burrito place? And you bite it.

The sour cream isn't even there. Dude, do you watch Shark Tank at all? Yeah, I've seen a bunch of it. I love Shark Tank because the people, they have to rehearse the thing, and they're always terrible. Dude, wait. They're always terrible. I get that performing isn't everybody's thing, but you got to do it. Yeah, this is your thing.

Hi, Shark Tanks. Yeah. So we are. Yeah, we are. Yeah, yeah. Dude, why do they do it like that? Yeah, it's so bad. It's so bad.

Nick, did you see that NBA player? He's ate Chipotle 10 years in a row every single day. Every day. He's had it for 10 years in a row. He's a baller, too. Is he fine? Well, he's ate chipotle 10 years in a row every single day every day he's had it for 10 years in a row he's a baller too is he fine he's young chipotle's real good it's too fire yeah he ain't lying i probably eat it three times chipotle's really good yeah i don't eat it but it started in denver i did it every day for a while when i was on i was on some one of the sitcoms i was doing i i i would just go for lunch every day.

I eat every week. You know Dan Levy? There's too many good. Dan Levy was just like, you're going to eat that every day, huh? No, not that one. The other one. The comedian.

There's too many good burrito places in LA for me to be going to Chipotle. No. Like, go fuck yourself. Fuck you. I understand. I get it. Fuck you.

You want to get good Mexican food, you go find a burrito place. No, I'm not looking for authentic. Find a truck or something. Burrito's not authentic in general, but Chipotle's good. Yeah, but that's- It's consistent. It's like Starbucks. You're going for a different reason, dude.

You're not going to get the authentic burrito. You're going because you like what Chipotle has. Fuck. I made sense there. Speaking of double scoop, what she want? Yeah, what's up? What's up, guys? It's me, Jasmine, again.

I have a King It or Sting It for you. Vision boards. Shower of power. Great. 2024. King It or Sting It. Vision boards? Plus, I'm going to show you guys my feel-good board.

Hey, whatever helps you, you know? Yeah. Y'all better like it.'ve never done it but i'll have goals in my head it's good to make it happen it's constant it's good to be thinking of your goals so if that helps you remind you of your goals which i guess it would then good but i don't use them i mean if it looks like this dude come on what is she doing too much time yeah i don even know. That's just a mock-up one, but I see it. Discover a new pet? Is that? Look, it says on the right, work.

Yeah. Oh, yeah? Save. Oh, you're going to work? But you have to empower yourself to work. I don't know. It's weird. Can I tell you some weird shit that Rachel did to me?

We bought this product. It's like a play gym. Yeah, yeah. For the baby? For Eric. You know what I mean? I love it. I just get there.

I get on my tummy. But it's got like a basketball hoop. It's early for this, right? So early? But Rachel says, babe, it was damaged. Okay. So I look at it, and there's a cut in it. Right.

And I go, oh, man. And I'm upset about it. So I got to call the company, and I'm doing the thing I do. I'm like a- Karen. You're going to get yours. Yeah. I'm like a black woman with no receipt.

You know what I mean? You're going to take this back. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? So then we did it. They sent us a new one. So last night I'm sitting there and Rachel goes, she goes, hey, I want to tell you what really happened.

Oh, wow. I was dunking on the hoop? No. She took a box cutter to open the box and she sliced it but she didn't want to tell me because she wanted me to have that energy to get a new one tight move but also this chick dude this is the second time wait she did this to me too so the other day we order food right and then you should have known bro i know the other day we order food and then the guys i can't stand this when they call.

The Postmates guy? The Postmates guy. They're like, we can't find your building. We don't know how to do it. Dude. I'm incensed, right? So I have to go outside. And I walk outside.

I live in a townhouse community, so it's like long thing. I get to the front, and I can't find the guy. I don't have her phone, so now I got to walk back. And I'm yelling. I'm upset. I open the damn door, and I'm like, you know, and don't have her phone, so now I got to walk back, and I'm yelling. I'm upset. I open the damn door, and I'm like, you know, and the guy said, give me that phone. Where the fuck are you? I'm going in, right?

I said, this is why I ordered the food. I ordered the food so you could bring it to my fucking door. I hope Kristen sees this. I'm going in, right? So the guy go, I work for Uber, dude. No, no, the guy says, well, let's say my address is like 507. Right. Right?

Rachel put 509. Oh, it's on Rachel. Okay. Stab her. So now I get out there and the guy's like, he's like this fun little Mexican dude. They're always so nice sometimes. You know, he's like, I don't know about the address. And I see that she put the address

wrong. So now I gotta look at this guy and go, She's dumb. I'm sorry. Yeah. You know what I mean? Bro, I gotta do this. I am so sorry. Then I gotta walk in the door like this. 409! And she knew she did it too.

She was like, I'm pregnant too She was like She wanted that energy I'm pregnant Wait but she wanted That big Eric energy Yes Does she not have her things Saved in the fucking Bro

Yeah I know She makes a new account Every time apparently You know what I mean I don't know But she does this to me All the time

Like she gets mad at me When I'm this way She knows she's not Going to get the real Eric But then when it's time To get some shit done She's like, they won't.

Can you talk to them? Bro, I used to have a thing on my podcast where I would talk about my post. It was like almost a segment where,

bro, one time a guy came up to me and he, it was like 15 minutes. I'm like, where is this motherfucker? I see him. You ever see the dude?

Just no vehicle in sight. Yeah. Just walking. Yeah. And you're like, no vehicle in sight. Yeah. Just walking. Yeah. And you're like, where did he park? Yeah. He comes up. He's like, dude, I know why it took so long.

That's what he started with. And I said, what? And he said, on your street, the numbers go up and then they go back down and then back up again. So that's why I got confused. Bro. Hey. hey, dude. Is this Chris complaining? No, they don't.

No, they don't anywhere in the world. It's always chronologically. What's this? This was you. Shatera was mad at you. Are you coming? It's been an hour and 15 minutes. Oh, yeah, yeah.

This was. Yeah, it has been an hour and 15 minutes. And you're not only customers. You could have came and picked it up yourself. Like, I just like... Hell, yeah. Hell, yeah. An hour and 15?

Let me tell you something. Like, this... What would you have done with that? I would be like this. I've done this already. Keep the food. Oh, then I don't eat. That's why I go, it's your food now.

Then they win. No, no. Fuck them. Because then I don't eat. That's why I go, it's your food now. Then they win. No, no. Fuck them. Because then I call the company. Now I'm on customer service. Me, I'm on the phone with the customer. I'm reading all this to them. Let me tell you what just happened.

Oh, nice. I don't want this person ever coming here again. Like, you know, I take my... You know how many times I've had to be like, give my tip back? I call the company. I want my tip back. You guys are different than me. If it finally comes, I'm so relieved and starving.

I go, if they tell my story, I don't care. Thanks, sir. They know that. I go, I don't give a fuck. Thank you. That's so frustrating. Oh, tight move, Chris. You won, dude.

Nah. Yeah. This is old behavior. I would never do this now. I want three sandwiches. This is what I see. Are you looking at yourself being like. Therapy's paying off, bud.

Yeah, I guess it is. Yeah, it is. You're not my only customer. Like that kind of shit. You're just kind of like. You know what the problem is? That's stupid. Let me tell you right now.

What is that? These people. What's your issue with Uber, dude? Or Postmates? It used to drive, bro. I have one story. I'm not even going to tell this too long. You have problems, huh?

I can't even. I can't even I can't even I was it was like I fell asleep and dreamt it but the Postmates thing it was

I've told it already on my podcast but listen dude there's two kinds of these kinds of people Uber and all of it you have the one guy who's like

like has pride in what he's doing a lot of times it'll be some older dude yeah a lot of times it could be some older dude who's like, you know, I retired, but I just wanted to do something.

Yeah, stay busy. You know, or there's a guy who's like, yeah, man, this is great. I go, how's this doing for you? He'll be like, man, I made, you know, I made six figures last year because I drive. Right, right, right. You're like, there's guys like that.

And then you have people. In between jobs? Whose acting job never came. Right. Or the people who are just like, they have to, they think that, and then they don't really want to do it. Of course. So they're acting like they're above this job. Right, right, right, right, right, right.

Those kind of people, I'm like, you shouldn't be doing this. Don't do this. Yeah. It's not government assigned. Right. You know? They didn't get a letter in the mail like, oh, I got to deliver a postman. Yeah, like it's the Israeli army.

Yeah. No, this isn't that. You chose to do this, and I just want what I paid for. That's all. It's a service I paid for. Anytime you have to go outside or do anything like that, you're just like, hey, there's line items on the receipt that suggest you should be getting out of your fucking car and coming to the door.

Hey, let me ask you guys this. I'm not to the door. Hey, let me ask you guys this. I'm not paying for it. Hey, let me ask you guys this. Why do you guys have so many problems with Postmates? I use it all the time. No issues. I'll tell you why. You guys got problems, huh?

I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. You guys are difficult. That's what I think it is. I have no problems. Let me know what you want to answer. Go ahead. Go ahead, Chris.

He lives in a fucking place with a townhouse shit where it's harder to get to, and I live up on this swervy fucking road. Whose fault is that? Oh, my God. Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, honestly. That's fair. I'll take that.

The Postmates guy's like, Gavin Newsom, Gavin Newsom. The Postmates guy's like, I didn't tell you to move here. You don't have no service. There's no service, yeah, I know. Sometimes I know. I remember when I stood at this other place,

and the guy's at the gate, and he's like, hey, can you come down here? service yeah I know sometimes I know I remember when I stood this other place and you know you gotta buzz people in the guys at the gate and he's like hey can you come down here and I was like well that's that's why I ordered it

right oh I'm at a restaurant yeah the guy goes the guy says yeah I know I know what you mean but

I like this guy yeah but what I like this guy I was just like at that time I was like fuck I'm hungry

let me just go they know but you don't even so many times I'll this guy. I was just like, but at that time, I was like, fuck, I'm hungry. Let me just go. They know. But you don't even, so many times, I'll just be like, I've been like, it's yours now. I'm going to get my refund.

Thank you. Well, why are you like that? Why are you like that? Do you think you're winning? I am winning. No, you didn't eat, dude. Dude, I could just order something else. And wait longer.

Whatever. No, no, no. You're not winning. These motherfuck winning fuckers all right i like it kristen needs to see this that i know she doesn't i'm not the only one that gets like this you guys are divas have rachel watch this oh right was first of all rachel already knows too like you know like these people i already told you guys i know that there's a thing that if like you should try if it's like you put, like have Kristen order and have her name. Oh, right. When they see a woman's name, they act funky, man. See, I told my girl this.

I'm like, we should always have me do it so they, you know, they deliver it properly. And she goes, I've never had any issues. I went, that's because you have big tits. Yeah, but they don't know that. It's not like she's got a profile picture on fucking Uber. Well, she might. They're just hoping. She might. She's not like she's got a profile picture on fucking Uber. Well, she might. They're just hoping. She might.

She's on. She's on. It's just, I don't know, man. I just feel like- I don't have these issues. No, no, you have them. You're just like- I'm taking these issues.

You're just like, whatever. I don't care. It's the least of my problems. Yeah, true. Now, whose fault is that? Yeah. This episode's been... I'll be in Sacramento January 13th

and Brea, California, Phoenix, Arizona, and I got a bunch of different dates coming up. Go to chrisleah.com. Ahoya Improv this weekend. Ahoya, 5th through the 7th. I have nothing else because I'm about to have a baby. Yeah. I'm in Austin.

So on the 25th, I'm in Nashville. I'm at Zany's one night only two shows. And then that Friday, Saturday on the 25th I'm in Nashville I'm at Zany's One night only Two shows And then that Friday Saturday on the 26th 27th I'm at the Vulcan Gas Theater

In Austin Texas You ever go to When you do like Zany's Oh Nashville Nashville Oh that's

Actually where That That That Podcast It's near. I was doing Huntington. Oh, Alabama.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I did Nashville, then I drove to, you know. Yeah, so I'm in Nashville on the 25th, Austin, Texas, the 26th and 27th of January. Get your tickets at thickboy.com. Love you guys. That's it Thank you.