The Golden Hour - Don’t Brown My Eggs | The Golden Hour #77 w/ Brendan Schaub, Erik Griffin & Chris D'Elia

Episode Date: April 26, 2024

The guys talk being in terrible movies, movies you watch on a plane vs at home, Nicolas Cage movies, starting new relationships, favorite egg recipes, Erik directing Matt Rife's new special, Britain's biggest dong, celebs with the biggest and smallest dongs, comedy show hecklers and much more! DraftKings Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use code GOLDEN Shady Rays - Head to https://shadyrays.com/ and use code: Golden for $20 off polarized sunglasses.

We're friends that laugh, we're friends that shout Sometimes we don't know what we're talking about But that won't stop us Nothing can stop us Ooh, yeah It's like a show you used to love Just rebranded enough It's stronger, better, bigger power

Cause it is the Golden Hour It's the Golden Hour We got no Brendan today. Yeah. So here we are. No, I don't remember what he had a scheduling thing. I don't remember. It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Dude, honestly. He was like, can we do it later? I was like, no. And he was like, all right. Well, you guys are on it. So we're on it. Dude, I was on a plane.

And I threw on. Congratulations podcast. No, it's not on a plane. Okay. Imagine you're on a United flight. Under potty humor uh no dude pet cemetery oh i i pet cemetery it's like a prequel i think it is it's a good plane movie i well no it's actually not even a good plane movie it's not a good plane movie it's so bad you texted me bro just out of the blue bro bro, I'm watching the new Pet Cemetery,

and I knew what you meant. I was not on the plane. I turned it on. I think it was on Paramount+. I turned it on. Really? Yeah. And it was so bad in the first 10 minutes that I just turned it off.

Dude, there's some – okay, but see, now check this out. At home, I get it. I rarely even do that at home where I see something where I'm like, oh, I wonder what that's about. Because I got so many other things I could be doing. I'm surprised you even did that. I can be swayed. But on a plane, if you're on a plane, you're a captive audience, basically. And I was just like, I get to a point, though, I'll start watching a bad movie, and I have to continue it.

Yeah, well, didn't you say this? Yeah, because I just want to know. With the Mission Impossible thing. No, no, no. I know that's good. My compulsion is different from. Oh, okay, it is. No, no, no.

My compulsion is different from when I see a movie, and it's bad, and you go, no, this is. It can't be that bad. It can't be. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I get that. When you're 10 minutes in, and you're like, no't be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get that. When you're 10 minutes in and you're like, no. Right, right, right, right.

I wonder how that must be when you're like, because I've made movies. I think about this all the time. I've made movies. Yeah. I've been on movie sets. And then like, at what point do you know you're in a trash movie? You're in a trash movie. I think, for the most part, actors and probably everyone creative,

like not the, you know. No, they know first. Yeah, yeah, they know first. No, they know first. They know right before. But I think everyone creative probably tricks themselves, most of the time tricks themselves into thinking even if it is bad oh this might this is good this is kind of interesting cool you know what i mean because i think you kind of have to well i mean you don't have to but you you you

you owe it to making the movie to be like let's make the best movie we can oh i i mean but i mean i i have have you done movies where you're like oh this is trash i'm trying to yeah i guess i have making the movie to be like, let's make the best movie we can. I mean, I have. Have you done movies where you're like, oh, this is trash. I'm trying to. Yeah, I guess I have to. Yeah. Or you just say you're in there. You just get like, oh, man.

But so what do you think? You think like, OK, I'll just do good. You know, what do you think as an actor? Exactly. Yeah. Right. I always say I want to be the funniest guy. Yeah, sure.

Yeah. Whatever. Well, people go, hey, you were good at that, right? I get it. But if you're in like – I've been in small movies. But imagine you're like in Furious 11 or something. And it's just like Jason Statham, The Rock, Charlize Theron. And you're just – there has to be a moment where you're like –

maybe you're reading what's going on today and you're just like there has to be a moment where you're like, maybe you're reading what's going on today and you're just like, oh no, how's this going to, or maybe at that level you think they just go, they just go like, well, you know, we're in movie 10. Like whether this is good or not, who cares? Well, I don't think. Check has been cashed. Yeah. I mean, I don't know.

I've done, I guess I did Army of the Dead. That was a big movie before I got cut out. But like, it's like. Oh, I thought you were in the middle of it. Like, ah, get tag. This is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's just like.

That movie was terrible. Yeah, I know. But now I'm trying to think. So, okay. So that's one of those movies that like when you're doing it, you're like, oh, this could be a cool rock'em sock'em zombie movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't see it, obviously.

But, like, you know, it's weird, though, when it comes out and you see the way it's promoted and then, like, you're like, oh, I see what they did. The same goes for, like, Fast and the Furious. Like, what you're saying, it's like if you're, like, you... That's even more so. But, like, you can't think you're doing a good movie like you can't think that

I'm saying it Fast and Furious 9 10 you know like okay so so going in yeah you know you're not

going to be sitting waiting for like and the winner is no no you already know that's not going to happen right so do you just

do you just have fun or like I guess so I would I mean I would be like alright Dominic hey I text you I'm going to be in

Fast and Furious 11 isn't that hilarious oh we would laugh yeah we would laugh right right that would be I mean, I would be like, all right, Dominic, hey, I text you, hey, I'm going to be in Fast and Furious 11. Isn't that hilarious? Oh, we would laugh. Yeah, we would laugh. Right, right, right. That would be hilarious. I said, I got to come to set. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I wouldn't, you know. You're in the middle of a stupid scene. You look over at me and I'm going like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like a stage mom. I would laugh. I would, you know, I would, I would, and I would do it, you know,

I would still try to do it as, I think the, if you try to do it as good as possible, then it's the funniest. So I wouldn't make a joke of it. Do you know what I'm saying? Right. Because it's just like,

I mean, I don't know though. I see like, you know, what's his name? Momoa, Jason Momoa. Yeah.

I watched a little bit of that one that he's in the new fast and furious oh you have to watch so i know i do but but next plane you're on you have to watch yeah but to be honest i don't know why i was it might i might have been on the plane just watching a little bit of it but for what that movie is jason momoa did it good. You know what I mean? Listen, I could tell he was having fun being the weird bad guy. Like, is he gay?

Is he not? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was very like, I'm with you. But dude, that movie, all right, the closing sequence of that movie is, what's his name? Vin Diesel. Spoiler alert. Spoiler alert. Spoiler alert. Vin Diesel's in a car on a dam, okay?

That's great. With his kid in the car, and he says to Jason Momoa, he goes, your biggest mistake, you let me get in a car. And then he. That's great. and then he That's great. Wait. And then he

He drives down the dam. He drives down the dam and wait there's bombs going off the dam blows up.

You know and I'm just like I gotta tell you man I love how bad those movies are. Well but I think so what percentage of people do you think are watching it like that? but I think So what percentage of people

Do you think are watching it like that? Oh I think everyone at this point I don't think so You think there's people that are like That's my jam? Think about like Indians No you're right Indian is India

They're like oh this is the scene Oh man that was it right there That was just like Your biggest mistake Oh my Right before he hits the He goes your biggest But no, no.

But check this out. Before that, Jason Momoa has his son in the car. And they're talking to each other on the walk. Because they're talking shit to each other, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he knows his son's listening. Right, right. And he tells his son, like, you know, like, you know what to do.

Right, right, right. And then he does a thing with the car. Right, right, right. His car spins. The kid jumps out of the moving car. I saw that part. I saw that part. And flies into thing with the car. Right, right, right. His car spins. The kid jumps out of the moving car. I saw that part. I saw that part. And flies into Vin Diesel's car.

And there's a moment where I'm like, imagine at the table read. Right. Well, that's – I want to be this guy at the table read. I'm sorry to cut you off. But I want to be this guy at the table read. The reader. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I want to be like interior car. Yeah, yeah. Because I would be like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah know, interior car. Because I would be like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exterior car. And with that, the kid flies through the window. Like, I just... As the car screws along the dam...

Imagine keeping a straight face. Yeah. Being the reader in, you know, you're like, thanks for coming, everybody. I think with those movies, you just got to not do a table read. Oh, you have to do a table read. Yeah, I get think with that with those movies you just gotta not do a table read oh you have to do it well yeah i get it but like we're like we can't do a table reading um but i think that what would make that my favorite movie is if he said the biggest mistake letting me get into a car and then he just goes and shits in the car. Bro.

No, that line would be, your biggest thing is letting me get into your car. But anyways, bathing back to it, Pet Sematary was just really bad. I don't know why you make a sequel. It was a prequel. Yeah. Because at the end of the movie, you realize that the guy is the old guy, Herman Munster. What's this? Did you post this before? Last week.

Oh, you did? Okay. If you watch a movie in a plane. On a plane. On a plane. Oh, wow. This is, I mean, who fucking wrote this? I did.

It's as I was producing. If you watch a movie in a plane is. This guy. Listen, hey, the guys that watch this podcast they get it they didn't even notice there was something wrong with it these guys speak Nick

they look at this they go oh Fast and Furious whatever they don't even question is it is it

oh okay something you've seen or something you haven't seen no comma just fucking straight up if you watch a movie and a plane is no comma

dot dot dot by the way yeah yeah yeah what he meant to write is if you watch a movie in a plane is. No comment. Dot, dot, dot, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What he meant to write is if you watch a movie on a plane, it is, okay. Yeah. Something you've seen. Something you haven't seen. No, something you haven't seen. 100% for me.

No, no. Sometimes. Something you haven't seen and wouldn't see. Okay, check this out. I have movies on my iPad. Yeah. So like I have. It kind of takes the fun

out of it for me no but i i get it it's better it's better yeah of course okay but but the thing though is that so i have the movies i've seen right here yeah so yeah i'm not gonna go on to the the bullshit screen and be like okay yeah let me do the the you know i think the best thing to do watching a movie on the plane is watching a movie that either either a ridiculous movie like fast and furious that you can kind of just like not pay attention to or or i i would say a movie that you wouldn't see but you want to see like yes yes exactly yeah phantomread was perfect for that. I'm like, I'm going to turn this on. It's going to be boring.

I'm on a plane, whatever. I kind of still want to see it. Yeah. There's aspects of it that I'm interested in, like Daniel Day-Lewis, you know? And I watched it, and it was a perfect movie to watch on a plane. Now, that and Mission Impossible are perfect movies to watch on a plane. Well, for me, that's like, yeah. I did see.

I saw they had a Hunger Games prequel, right? Now, that to me is a sit down. That's probably, I would argue that's probably my favorite franchise. Oh, you like the Hunger Games? I love them. Dude. I love them. I didn't know this.

I love them. I think that that's an underrated great movie. Yeah. The first one, because she does such a great, the filming. She's great. The filming of that movie, the highly, anyways, I watched the prequel, and the prequel, I was like, oh, this was. I thought it was good.

I thought it was a good dude. Yeah. I thought Viola Davis was like, I believed her. Oh, for sure. But that's what I'm talking about when you're talking about, let's say you're in a really bad movie or like a weird movie, because she made choices to do this weird character and you go oh what i appreciated was how you believed her but those are my favorite kind of actors that right that will make like honestly that's why i love nicholas cage because he's made some crazy choices that

work and also are like what the fuck this is awful dude but that those best actors do that dude the movie the movie that I saw on a plane of his is the one where he's playing himself and the drug lord. Oh, I didn't watch that, yeah. Oh, that's... I don't want to watch that movie. Dude, that movie's great.

But you know another one I saw of him? He's playing Dracula. That's another one that he did a great job in. So, I don't know. Nicolas Cage is... He's great. He's one of my favorites. Yeah, him and John Travolta. They should do face off well john travolta what if they did face off

two now the way they both look oh that would be great that would be great we should do a that should be the thing we do is like like sequels that we don't need hell yeah face off two is like a perfect like you know they don't even get they don't work out, nothing. It's just bald, gay John Travolta. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you watch- And weird ass Nicolas Cage. Do you watch Yellowstone?

I never watched it. That's one of those series, it's another one like that for me, Mad Men. Never watched it, never want to. Those are both the same to me too. My wife started watching Yellowstone

and now she's like, well, let's watch it. I want to watch it with you. So so i started watching it but it's just not a and it's you know i get it like i started it too yeah but uh but i i um i don't i as much as i can understand why people like it i just don't care bro what is that i'll tell you what it is you i don't care, bro. What is that? I'll tell you what it is. I told you this before. I had this rule that if I DVR shit, okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know this. If four of them are in the queue and I haven't watched them, I delete it and I never watch the show again.

Right, right, right. Because that lets me know I'm not interested. Sure. Shows are relationships. And you have to keep up with this relationship because you have to, who are these characters, the story. And if it doesn't make you go, ooh, I got to see what happens next. Sure. I'm out.

I guess so, yeah. You know, so that's what it is. That's hardcore, though. No, but I think it's just a natural human. Like, maybe I'll start Mad Men and be like, oh, this is good. What stops me, though, is like I go, I got enough relationships. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Also.

It wouldn't stop you. You'd be like, I need more shows got enough relationships. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Also- It wouldn't stop you. You'd be like, I need more shows and more shows. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay, okay. Now that's all I got now is my shows. My programs. But you got your one main show, and you love that show. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I do, I do. I got all the screens. It's like Minority Report or whatever. That's what I think it is. So I think that you started watching Yellowstone, and the thing is, like, I think when you watch a show, everyone does this. You kind of like, okay, you either grab onto the characters,

especially how that show started, right? It's not the one that started with a big car accident or something, and a cow was dead, and he shoots it. Right, so you're like, that's what I'm saying. You go, ooh. You either go, who's this guy? What's he doing? Where does he live? But it's just like he shoots it. Right. So you're like, that's when I'm saying you go, ooh. You either go, who's this guy? What's he doing? Where does he live?

But it's just like, I don't know. Let's take a break from the show. The 82-game preseason is in the books, and it's finally time for the real season. Don't miss out on any of the NBA playoff action at DraftKings Sportsbook, an official sports betting partner of the NBA. From the play-in tournament through the finals, DraftKings Sportsbook has you official sports betting partner of the NBA. From the play-in tournament through the finals, DraftKings Sportsbook has you covered on the same-game parlays,

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Void in Ontario. Bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance. See dkng.co slash bball for eligibility and deposit restrictions, terms, and responsible gaming resources. That's why I kind of like and hate when there's a new show on Netflix and you can binge the whole thing. So what I do is I just go, let me just finish this because I'm never going to come back to this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm on a plane.

I'll watch eight episodes. That's what I do on my iPad. I go to Netflix and I download what you just watch. Yeah, I like that you can binge stuff. I can't believe you didn't used to be able to do that. No, but I don't know if I – I'm not fully for it though oh really yeah because the the the mental mind state of binging and waiting for something it's the same energy but imagine like i think it's a bad business practice you spend it is you spend 300 million dollars on to make stranger

yeah yeah and people finish it in three weeks and then they go like this. All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What you got? It seems a little backwards to me. Yeah, what you got? I don't know the analytics of it, but I think what they should do is, and I've always thought this, and I don't know why more companies don't do it, is the end of the month, release half of it, and then the next week on the new month, release the second half. Netflix is doing that now.

Oh, okay. Because they have to charge, then you get two months. Yeah. You know? No, no, but they release the second half. Netflix is doing that now. Oh, okay. Because they have to charge. Then you get two months. Yeah. You know? No, no, but they're doing that now. They're doing that now. They're going like the first six episodes.

And they witcher and those kind of shows. Right, but I'm saying specifically do it at the end of the month. So you get that extra. Okay, I'll keep it. Oh, you don't even have the... It's like... Or you don't even show the end of the... What?

The last episode. It just goes... And if you... Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like or you don't even show the end of the what the last episode it just goes and if you yeah it's like tune in next month to find out what he just said exactly well i mean i i just i binge whatever i mean you gotta have i realized you know when they you know it was netflix for a while and just netflix for a while and then the other ones started popping up you know apple and hulu and all the amazon they started popping up, you know, Apple and Hulu and all of Amazon. They all got into the game. And now you got like, I got Shudder, you know, which I love, by the way.

Oh, the scary movie one? Yeah. I'll go there, yeah. I get that just like because of like whatever, if you want to watch the movies we've talked about, that's the place to go. Right, right, right. It's not even that expensive.

Well, yeah, but no, but the thing is, is like I realized very quickly, I was like, oh, you just got it. If you have the money, you just have to get them all. Bro. You know? And then, first of all,

you think back to like cable and you're like, God, spending all this money on cable or satellite and yeah, it's bullshit, right? And then you're like, oh, let's get this. I'm going to do this. And then it's like this.

Then you look back. Now look at it. It's $19 for Netflix. I know. Hulu, Disney Plus, that's $29. And then I'm like this. I got to get AMC Plus, Paramount. Yeah.

I got to get, what's the stupid NBC one? Peacock. I got to get Peacock because they had like this one show. Peacock is good. to get Peacock because they had like this one show I wanted to watch. Peacock is good. Yeah, but still. Yeah. Just have it on NBC. No, I know.

I know. I know. But the thing is about is that. I'm spending $300 a month. What was I going to say? But yeah, it's. I don't remember what I was going to say. But yeah, it's just fucked up because you have to just kind of.

I don't know. You can figure out how to make it to where, because some places will, like there'll be two places that have it, the show. Like Hulu has a lot of stuff that also Paramount Plus or whatever it is. You know what I mean? Oh, here's something you have to watch out for too. So let's say I have YouTube TV. That's how I get my live TV and all that kind of stuff, right?

Yeah. But then YouTube TV will offer you HBO Max and all these things. So maybe I'll get it. But you're not realizing that I also got that on another thing. Be careful out there, kids. You might be paying for fucking HBO

Max three times and not even realize it. Probably not the kids that need it. It's the older. Be careful. I also have cable. I have all of it. I have the streaming and cable because who knows.

Who knows. You got to get YouTube TV. I think I have that too. You got Hulu TV YouTube TV. Is it money? I have it. You got it.

But you also watch it. What's the one? Teemu? Not Teemu. Oh, Tubi. Tubi. According to Cat Williams if you're special and on Tubi you ain't shit. Also watch it. What's the one? Teemu? Not Teemu. Oh, Tooby. Tooby. Bro. According to Cat Williams, if you're special and on Tooby, you ain't shit.

Tooby is the shit. Tooby is the shit. First of all, Tooby has everything. Everything. For free. And free. I think you can see my specials on Tooby. Nice.

There you go. Check it out, Nick. See you. So you can get it. And I like that there are commercials in Tubi because you can take breaks. Well, that's because you have like ridiculous ADD. No, but I went to go make pancakes the other night during Tubi commercial. Yeah.

That sounds crazy. Explain why it sounds crazy. So you're in the middle. You're watching and you're like. There it is. You're like, oh, this is great. That's not even the thing for it. That's so crazy. That one is. But you're in the middle. You're watching and you're like. There it is. You're like, oh, this is great. That's not even the thing for it. That's so crazy.

That one is, but that other one is. I don't know what that one is. The ugly truth one? Yeah, that's like rude. That's hilarious. So you're watching the thing and a commercial comes on and you go, oh, let me go make a full on breakfast item. Well.

So you had to go. So you, in the middle of the break, you're like, okay. Yeah, I'll pause it. You put it in flour and you... Yeah, I mean, they're protein pancakes, but yes. You poured it in the pan. Yeah.

What? And you know why I do it? Because when I'm eating it, watching the pancakes, when I'm eating the pancakes, watching the movie or whatever it is, that is fantastic.

That double... what is it? Like the eating and the watching? If we did a poll right now between the two of us, who do you think would be eating pancakes? Well, yeah. At commercial breaks. But they are protein pancakes, okay? Oh, protein pancakes.

No, those are better for you. What is it? Sausage? No, no, no, no. It's just they have the. What is it? Sausage? No, no, no. It's just they have the fucking powder in it and shit. They're good, actually. I actually really like them. Protein pancakes.

They're good. I get people would say that. You go to GNC. No, no. Well, no. I don't know. I got it from Amazon. What are they called?

The Kodiak Bear or whatever ones. They're good. Protein pancakes. I got the regular kind. I put a little bit of syrup on there. And it's better than getting. A little bit of syrup. Yeah, a little bit.

And it's better than getting like, you know, a burger. I was like, I want a burger. I was like, I'll just make these, you know. That seems like a lot of effort. It's a lot of effort, yeah. And I don't do it all the time. But what's the calorie intake on that? I don't know, but I work out.

190 calories. That doesn't seem bad. No, it's not bad, but I also make a lot. I make a lot of pancakes. That's what I'm saying. You and your – What is that? So how many is 190?

It's Chris Jemima. You're in the – Serving size, half a cup. So two of those. So I make 400. Yeah, 400 calories. So you make two – Those are four-inch inch flapjacks so you make it a big yeah but it says serving size half a cup and i make a full cup so yeah yeah you make a full cup of pancakes i said cook full cook full cook

so yeah so uh do you let do you let calvin have some of this oh no well he's asleep but uh i have made them and have him have some of them. He loves them. Loves them. Okay. Oh, I love pancakes. Yeah. Yeah.

Bro. That becomes a thing with it. He wants you to make the pancakes. Daddy eggs. Yeah. He wants... I make the best eggs. And he says, I want daddy eggs.

I was just... Oh, my God. I'm so glad you brought this up. What? So like, you know, Rachel... Okay. By the way, I don't make the best eggs, but he thinks I do. Okay.

But... Okay. Do you... With eggs. Right. And you're making eggs in the family. You have Kristen, know, Rachel. Okay. By the way, I don't make the best eggs, but he thinks I do. Okay. But okay. Do you with eggs? Right. You're making eggs in the family. You have Kristen, you, Calvin. Yeah. Yeah.

Do you all like eggs differently? Because Rachel likes her eggs like this. Okay. I have to put butter in the pan. Yeah. Okay. She likes butter. Okay.

You know, I whisk them up. Yeah. I mean, I put the thing in. Normal. I'm scrambling. But she wants them like overcooked. What do you mean by that? Brown?

There's got to be brown on it. No, I don't like the brown. Bro, of course not. No brown. Right? No brown. So, you know, but then what I go though is, but I end up being like, well, I have to, I'm not a fucking Denny's.

So, I'm not going to be like, you know, taking her order and then like doing my order. Right, right, right, right, right. Right? So, I have to eat. Two pans. Yeah, yeah. Bangers are ready. Yeah yeah what number do you have that's what it feels like though i'm making pancakes for her and then i'm doing the coffee because i have the i i i have like the grinder i'm really making the coffee like i'm a fucking i call myself no i know i'm an erista get it eric

yeah i and i don't like that and I don't want you to say it anymore. E-rista. Don't say that and then look for approval, for sure. I'm looking over here. There's the peanut down there. Also, Chin, e-rista? Anything? Eric, Eric. Nothing?

E-rista. Casey, nothing back there? Eric barista. Eric barista. Look, I know. I'm explaining it for Chin because he doesn't get it because of how stupid it is. Okay? I get it now.

Thanks, Chris. Hold on a second. You didn't get it? He's not yeah you're not hold on a second you didn't get it he's not the dummy for not getting it you are oh everybody got i'm dumb for getting it nick pole i want to know everybody got it anyways so i'm making that and then she also wants like toast with cottage cheese on it so you know crazy yeah so i'm making these eggs so i go with the eggs i go okay i'm just gonna have it how she likes it so I'm always curious

what people do because at this point I'm like when you have a kid maybe you have to do the thing where the kid wants it to look like a of course a happy face

and all that kind of stuff and so well my favorite way to eat eggs are over medium but if I'm going to make eggs for the family I'll just make scrambled eggs

so I will do that's the okay right and I also like them but I put a little bit of'll just make scrambled eggs. So I will do. Okay. Right. And I also like them. But I put a little bit of milk in it and that's it. I don't like cheese.

I love cheese, but I don't like cheese in my eggs. And I don't like. Yeah, that's what I do. And I don't brown them. That's to me. That's. It's crazy. Yeah. Not good.

No, I didn't make the eggs the other day. She made them because I was out of town. So she's. So when I got back, she's like, I'm tired. It's like 10. She's cooking her own eggs. And I tasted them and I was like... Dude, so this is good.

So, all right, let's go through the ones. This is great, actually. This would be a great clip, guys. Let's go through the eggs, all right? Soft boil, all right? That's fine. I like them eggs all right soft boil all right uh that's fine i like them i like soft boil first of all how the fuck would you even know i don't know but you put eggs in the thing you know when you just boil but you know when you eat them okay so i'm just saying so soft boil means like

you would eat it and go oh this should have stayed in a little longer maybe if you didn't like soft boil why i wouldn't have even known that those are the times to make that. Yes, I understand that. Okay, I get that. Okay. But do you like eating them though? No. Okay.

Click back on that. I like the eight minute medium boil. Okay, that's fine. I'll do that too. Hard boil, I do not like. How would you even know the difference? Well, it's harder and more chalky. Okay, the chalky part I get.

But that's hard. So soft boil is not chalky. Yeah, but we're only talking about the middle. Yeah. The egg itself, the white part. Right. All three of those white parts are the same. Yeah, I understand.

So you're just talking about the. Yeah. By the way, Rachel doesn't like that either. So when I hard boil eggs, I take that out. Take what out? The yellow. Oh, wow. I take the yolk out and then I turn them over like this. Take what out? The yellow. Oh, wow. I take the yolk out, and then I turn them over like this.

Wait, with Beyonce? Yeah. Wait, wait. And I turn it over like this, and then I put the bacon like a half of this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course you do. All right. So soft boil, yes.

You're a monster. Medium boil, fine. Hard boil, no. That's for me, no. Okay. What do you go? You go. For me, it's just like-

The opposite. I just go, oh, I either should have boiled this for longer or I boiled. So only hard boil. Yeah. Okay. All right. So we're opposite so far. Poached.

Love poached. Love. Oh. Love. Just can't do it. I don't even know what it, I can't even do a hard boil, dude. I don't even know how to do it. I can't.

Sometimes I'm sitting in front of things, I wish I could make poached eggs. Love poached eggs. You need vinegar. Love poached eggs. All right. Oh, really? Yeah. All right.

Sunny side up. Go fuck yourself. Well, how eggs. All right. Oh, really? Yeah. All right. Sunny side up. Go fuck yourself. Well, how come? I don't like it too runny. I don't like it too runny, but I know how to do this right. This is how you do it. Okay? You put the egg in the pan.

Okay? Let it cook for a little while. Then you put water in the pan with the egg. Okay. Take the cover of the pot. Close it. Oh, that's too much. No, it's not because this is what happens. The steam will cook the top. Okay. Take the cover of the pot. Close it. Oh, that's too much. No, it's not because this is what happens.

The steam will cook the top. Yeah, I know why. Oh, I didn't know, Emerald. All of a sudden, I'm supposed to know. You and me. I'm saying I get the thought behind it. But that's the only time I would like the sunny side up would be. I like sunny side up when there's no white runny part.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't even like the yolk runny. That's too much. But I'm saying the other part's got to be cooked. I understand. Fried egg. I would agree with you. Fine.

Put a donut on a burger. Fried egg is great, especially on a sandwich. Yeah, yeah, yeah. On a sandwich. Fried and steamed egg, which I don't really know what that is. That's what I just said. Okay. Got it.

Got it. Okay. That's great. Yeah. Over easy is okay. I'd rather it over medium. Over medium to me is the shit. Yeah, I'm with you on that.

French scramble, I don't know. I'm not sure what that is. That's just eggs with cheese, it looks like. And it runs away in a fight. I don't know. What is French scramble? French is soft, creamy, and littered with delicate curds. I don't like the creamy.

Oh, you put cream and shit like that. I don't like creamy. I don't like it. American hot scramble, what's that? That's just regular scrambled eggs. Okay, good. Well, what is it? What?

French omelet is fucking. French omelet, American omelet are bullshit. Dude, the people who get omelets and not scrambles, everything should just always be a scramble. Why? Because, bro, you might as well cook eggs and then cook all the other stuff if you're gonna make the omelet it's all bunched together all the stuff and the and the eggs go over it bro that's crazy dude mix it all together make it nice i agree but yeah but you don't like um but you don't like yeah i know ice cream with the yeah i know i know it's it's the opposite i know

i know i like i don't do not give me a hot fudge sundae i'll put all this stuff together i get it yeah i know i know i know so you're the guy hey dude hey he's a mystery you know what i mean he's a mystery he's a paradox right but it's just uh is this patreon a regular regular all right cool i'm gonna be in australia i'm gonna, cool. I'm going to be in Australia. I'm going to be in Augusta. I'm going to be in North Charleston, Chrisley.com, Des Moines. I got Irvine coming up. I got Oxnard coming up.

I got a bunch of different dates going on at Chrisley.com. All right. I did a movie, and it's going to be in a Tribeca Film Festival. So come check that out. It's called The Everything Pot. So that's going to be in a – we're premiering in Tribeca. Is this coming out this week? Yeah.

Oh, I'm at the Mothership this weekend. I think it's all sold out. I don't know. I think it will be. Because somebody hit me up and was like, I can't get tickets for Saturday. Yeah, but people are idiots. Yeah, I know. I can't believe the messages.

And all of a sudden, like, now I'm ticket master? Bro. You know what I'm saying? I get so angry angry what are we talking about when someone hey trying to get the but what happens with the website and the oh no how about this how about this so a buddy of mine lives in arizona so i was just in uh arizona this past weekend and uh he's in line, right? And he texts me this. Hey, man. No. Can you come outside and get me?

I block. I hate this line. I block. And I go, I say to him, I'm the star of the show. You're crazy. I'm not the line supervisor. So crazy. I was like, you know, go home.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ah, you got to go home. Yeah, you got to go home. Like, what are we talking about, man? So, yeah. That's what I'm going to be. Yeah, and I'm also going to be at Greensboro coming up. I'm directing Nat Rife's next special. We're doing that in Charlotte.

Yeah, so there'll be some time. I'm not even going to be here in a couple weeks. I have to let you know what week that is. For some reason, I feel like you're in Greensboro a bit, no? Yeah, I'm going to be in Greensboro. But are you there a lot or something? No. Oh, somebody said Greensboro recently.

Yeah, but I am going to be in Greensboro. All right, well. For my show, too. I'm going to be in Greensboro. But are you there a lot or something? No. Oh, somebody said Greensboro recently. Yeah, but I am going to be in Greensboro. For my show, too. I'm going to be in Greensboro. For Eric doing stand-up. I like Greensboro. In Arizona, it was great. Just new improv. Desert Ridge Improv. It's good, right? Yeah. It's a good club. So I had a good time there, so thanks for coming out.

And it looks like it's new-ish. Yeah. It's just set up nice. It's dark. It is. The sound system is great. up so i had a good time there so thanks and it looks like it looks like it's uh newish yeah yeah it is yeah it's just set up nice it's dark yeah it is yeah it sounds just sounds good yeah what was that nick let's take a break get ready for the season ahead with quality shades built to last our friends at shady rays have you covered with premium polarized shades that won't break the bank shady rays is an independent sunglasses company offering a world-class product rated five stars over, um, hello, 300,000 people.

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Try for yourself. The shades rated five stars by over 300,000 people. I just saw it this morning. The man? Go ahead. You can explain it. A segment on some British morning show. I thought for sure it was like a bit, but it was eight minutes long. I cut down some of the highlights.

It's real. The man with Britain's biggest penis. Is this him? Nick said it's long. This is obviously the newscaster. Look at him. Here's a question for you. Something that many men men wish for but for matt bar being well endowed has affected his entire that tracks i've got the biggest penis i don't i didn't want it you know this is you if you let

yourself go oh man hey you're damn right, bro. You're like a roast beef sandwich and too many pancakes away from being this guy. I am quite a bit away from that. But the penis area, though, is the same. Yeah, what is this? This guy looks like he's a Harry Potter character. That's funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right, go ahead. Britain's biggest penis measuring over 12 inches when erect, which is more than double the average size. measuring over 12 inches when erect, which is more than double the average size. Far from being a gift though, Matt's large penis comes with some equally large challenges and joins us now to discuss some of the- You gotta go back. You gotta go back and watch me do that.

He didn't know the camera was on him. He didn't know the camera was on him. Cause he was like, yeah. That's great. By the way, I'm ready. Once again, we're talking about my cock. No, if- My huge cock.

Look, I'm ready. If I know the camera's coming, I'm ready. You're gonna start, okay. I don't know when the camera's on me, but. Yeah, yeah. I'm Look, I'm ready. If I know the camera's coming, I'm ready. You're going to start. Okay. I don't know when the camera's on me, but. Yeah, yeah. I'm ready. Man with the biggest penis.

Yeah, you're there because you're a big dick. You're not going to be. You're not sitting there like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here we go again. Talking about my cork. No, this guy. I love that.

He got surprised. Let's see it. All right, yeah. Size. Far from being a gift, though, Matt's large penis comes with some equally large changes, and he joins us now to discuss some of those. We've got this ruler with us just to try and illustrate.

So this essentially is how big your penis is when it's erect. Oh, yeah, obviously the thickness is a lot bigger. Yes, and of course, we're not taking it into the girl. How do girls react to it when you're dating? It's difficult because it's not something you can really spring on people with a surprise

because it tends to scare people away generally. Yeah. Unsurprisingly. But also you don't want to be a creep and bring it up early but it's how do you find that balance.

Yes, how do you start that conversation? It's a big topics approach. Yes, no pun intended but it is difficult to be able to raise that without coming across creepy

because it's like a physical practicality. Obviously, you can have relationships without the physical component, but obviously, when, you know,

I didn't even want to sit down. Why is this on? Because they have nothing else going on. But like, it's not news. He's been around

for 50 years. So like, also, who judged it and is he telling the truth oh sweat to go to like the biggest car anyway i'll see you on morning news you know my thing is like i bet you he he pulls that sucker out immediately and when you look when you look like this you know the girls are like what i mean like it's your dark horse yeah what are you like he's like yeah yeah it's your it's your ace in the hole you know yeah yeah uh and that's why that even

this girl is kind of like say how do you brooch to something i know you know what it's like those videos those videos online where the guy's like yo what's up and the girl's like no i'm not interested and then it gets in the lamborghini she's like, hey, what's up? Like, that's... Oh, I love... What's going on? Oh, there you are. That's me? Yeah. I actually look better that way.

You're almost like... Yeah, you look like... Yeah, but that's like Quagmire. Yeah, that just looks like strong jaw. I was just thinking, yeah, I need a jaw implant.

That was really the funny part. He's British. He's British. I want to listen to more of this. This is fascinating. And his voice is pretty good. Knowing that's off the table is difficult. So have you found that there are some advantages to it and some women would be interested

because they love the idea of somebody who is well-enowned? They love the idea more than the practicality. Because even in porn, there's lots of filters being used, lots of, again, it's very small bodies, like camera angles and stuff,

so, and a lot of exaggerations of measurements from that. So when they face someone that's actually that size, it's not, I don't know what, even people who are

quite keen generally, but there are people who like it just from a bragging point of view as, oh, I've done this, you know,

blah, blah, blah. And I can imagine it being quite upsetting as well if someone kind of approaches you and goes, yeah, yeah, oh, I've done this, blah, blah, blah. And I can imagine it being quite upsetting as well if someone kind of approaches you and goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm completely into it and then turns around and goes, no, no, no, no.

Yeah, obviously. Real fear. What's the word? Mads are big in the stomach is the phrase. It's challenging. Or if there's an ulterior motive to it as well. Have you ever had that? Yes, I've been exposed by one. They want to take selfies with it. Dude, they're having... Hold on a second. ulterior motive to it as well. Have you ever had that? Yes, I've been exposed by one. They want to take selfies with it. A normal date,

and then at the end, she's like, oh yes, myself is my only fans. Hold on a second. They're having a full-on, real conversation about his huge dick. Yeah, like it's... They're talking about

like he's a scientist, and he invented something. Yeah. And they're going in, and I think, and look on their faces right here. Both of these people want to see his dick. Yeah. Well, I mean, of course, look, we all do whether we're going to admit it or not.

If you say it's that big, we got to check it out, right? Yeah. Well, I want to see what it looks like on that guy. Well – Like you wouldn't want – Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get what you're saying yeah but i i think that um like she's she really wants to look at it you can tell wouldn't wouldn't i think anybody would right i got it but when you do this though this yeah yeah yeah she's but she but uh But that's a very, this is all very weird. Yeah.

Because they're not really, why are they not being humorous about it? That's what I'm saying. And I want to know, you know what I want to see? The segment before this, before they went to commercial and led into it, and they were like, up next is Britain yeah oh yeah yeah or how about even after us as so you got a big cock next we're going to you know sally's bakery is having a you know one of the most popular bakeries in all of london and sally's just like this she's just so anyway you just got her baked goods So anyway, you cut. She's got her bait good, y'all.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is just really bizarre. Good find, Nick. Yeah, real good find. Was it trending or something? I don't know. I just came across it. Oh, wow.

Nick's doing dirty work. Oh, Nick was jerking off. Hold on a second. How'd you just come across it? I came across it. I Googled biggest cock. Oh, wait. I was trying to feel. No, he said serious carnivals about big dicks.

I was trying to find people who share my plight It's not easy There you go Yeah that's Alright You know what I wonder It is interesting though because

Big penis Like a big penis Is in theory uh the shit like and a woman would say she would like the idea of a man with a big penis but when it comes down to it i don't think it really matters as much as like you know it it does for guys to have like you know if you yeah but big dick energy is a thing is a thing right but you don't have to have a big dick to have big dick energy no but if you have big dick energy to a woman and then she's like what's up and gets down with you and you she sees you don't have a

big dick you don't have big dick energy anymore it doesn't matter if you do or not she goes like okay this is this is a poll we need to put out she goes like this i don't think so right i know i know secretly you don't have big dick energy whatever energy it is it's not big dick energy no but whatever the aura is around having big dick energy that that that confidence or whatever that is it's i think that they see like oh oh i think that makes it even better sure yeah oh it's not about the dick all along yeah it's like uh what's up the force isn't about you know the star wars shit uh i i yeah that's interesting you never get it right i would feel that i i think though most a guy with a bigger dick not that we know we don't know because we don't see them right and

it's not like cleavage we could see it's big and you know sometimes if you're you know wearing sweats yeah but there's no energy around having there's no big tit no i know but my my point is if we could see them all if we could see all, guys with bigger penises would get more respect. Not just from men. From women, too. Yeah, possibly. You know? But that's what they came up with this.

Who? I think that if you have 10, let's say you have 10 successful people, It's like when we saw Drake's dick. Right. You know what I mean? I think there's a thing where you go, oh, okay, that makes sense. Yeah. Oh, okay. Sure, he's got big dick energy, I guess, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I'm saying. So you just go. They always say Pete Davidson has big dick energy. You know what I mean? But it helps him because the person that made him famous for dating, that's what she put out there. Oh, yeah, right. That was her whole thing.

Ariana Grande just was like, oh, yeah, it's fucking huge. Oh, I thought that – So I feel like then everyone after that, every woman – so now we have this thing that every woman after that got with him and is still getting with him Until he turns 35 and then he'll become a creep all of a sudden. They can't wait. It's already starting, by the way. What? If some 22-year-old is interested in Pete Davidson, they're going to be like, he's too old for her.

Right, right, right. It's going to turn into that. Right, right, right. But every girl after that, that's a part of it. It has to be, right? Wow. Jen? Erista.

Erista. Erista. You know, Pete Davidson said something on an interview saying like, she said that, but my dick's nothing special, but now he has that reputation, so it kind of sucks. That's the comedian in him. Oh, so he probably does that. Well, no, maybe he does, maybe he doesn't, but my point is that also adds to the big dick energy.

He's like, I don't give a fuck. I don't know. You know what I mean? Yeah. He was like, yeah, I got a big dick. It's like, what? Every time somebody – but again, I'm not surprised. I'm saying I don't think anybody is surprised when you see someone that's super duper famous

and a dick pic leaks. Okay? And then you're just kind of like, oh, that makes sense. Or you're surprised. Or you're like, oh, wow, whatever. Well, it's never a small dick pic that leaks. True. Yeah.

Right? Yeah. I mean, who's got – small dick pic that leaks. True. Yeah. Right? Yeah. I mean, who's got small... Are there any select... Ken Jeong. Who? Brett Favre. Brett Favre had a small dick.

Oh, did it leak? Oh, yeah. That's what's her... Remember? Really? Yeah. Comedian? Yeah.

Oh, wow. Anyway, remember... Oh, how do we not know that? Yeah. We need to know. Because there's a point where it doesn't... That's the point where it doesn't that's the point where it doesn't matter because he doesn't take away all of his yeah all his accomplishments

all of a sudden now people are like oh yeah he did have a lot of interceptions yeah i have a big yeah i have a big dick but i also won the super bowl and also you know hid that hid that money and stole it from the fucking whatever he did. The homeless people or whatever it was. Wow. What the fuck? Oh, okay. So what's up with this? Yeah.

Yeah, okay. But Eminem, I feel like, does it because it's funny rapping-wise. But Enrique Iglesias is weird to admit that. Like, why is he? The next product I'm going to put my name on is extra small condoms. I can never find extra small condoms, and I know it's really embarrassing for people you know from experience. What?

Okay, first of all. This is weird for him to say that. Yeah, that's a weird thing to say. Extra small. First of all, any condom, the way the condoms come, they can fit any. No, I know. They would have to be super small. Except for maybe it's circumference, you know? Yeah, Howard know. It would have to be super small. Except for maybe it's the circumference, you know?

Yeah, Howard Stern, it makes sense. Yeah. That's his thing. See, that's rude. What? See, that's what I'm saying. It's like, so now you have this information, and then now you take that information, and then you look at the person and think of all the things you don't like about them,

and you go – you associate that now with – Right, right, right. You know? Charlotte Buff. He's got big dick energy, right? I remember putting a pillow underneath my... I had seen that in a porn movie show. I put it in a weird angle and I couldn't get it in correctly.

I'm not extremely well endowed and clearly this wasn't the movie. Now I know this is fake because he's in a movie where he's fully erect. Oh, really? Really? Yeah. He's in a movie where he's fully erect. Oh, really? Really? Yeah. He's in a movie.

Yeah, it's a real dirty movie. That's what Nick was Googling. Brad Garrett has a small dick? No way. He's huge. It doesn't matter. They say that about Shaq, too. No way Shaq doesn't.

Maybe Shaq doesn't have a big dick for him, but there's no way he doesn't have a big dick. All right, keep going. He's probably just so far away from it. Yeah, yeah. He's so tall. He's like, no, I can't see it. Ricky Gervais, sure.

I mean, that makes sense. Five foot eight. This is a weird interview. Yeah, inside the actor's studio? Yeah, this is really weird. Well, the weird thing is, here's the weirdest part is, who's going to say,

I actually have a big dick? Like, that would Well, the weird thing is, here's the weirdest part is, who's going to say, I actually have a big dick? Like, that would be a very weird thing for one of these guys to do. Yeah, but you don't have to say that. So what would you say if you had a big dick? The interviewers, for some reason, they're asking this question. We just don't talk about it. It is what it is, you know? That's what a guy with a big dick would say. A big dick guy would be like.

But my whole point is, nobody's going to say guy with a big dick would say. A big dick guy would be like. But my whole point is nobody's going to say they have a big dick because then people are just going to be like, oh, no, you don't. Or, oh, you're lying. It's better to say you have a small dick. Lower expectations. No comment. Who else? Who else?

Okay. Keep going. He's wearing a lot of makeup lately. Have you noticed that? Oh,? Okay. Keep going. He's wearing a lot of makeup lately. Have you noticed that? Oh, really? Yeah, dude. My penis is small. Oliver Hudson, really?

People always say we look alike. I guess not totally. No comment, that one, dude. I guess that ends only at the face. Oh, my God. I do see that. Stupid asshole. That's like you and Bradley Cooper the face. Oh, my God. I do see that. Stupid asshole. That's like you and Bradley Cooper.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just say the more handsome me, it's fine. Go ahead. Don't go down. Is that it? Okay. Well, that makes sense. Yeah, but we've all seen that.

Remember in the hangover? Oh, that's why it makes sense. Dana Radcliffe makes sense. 100%. A lot of guys with small dicks have that pointy hair. Who's that down there? Who's that? Joey Fatone?

No. Oh, Roger Matthews. Baseball player? No, he's just dating JWoww. I mean, that makes kind of sense. He's a big guy, though. Oh, okay. Well, then maybe not.

But yeah, Daniel Radcliffe. You don't think that makes sense? That's how you know magic ain't real, dude. Harry Potter has a small dick. I heard Liam Neeson has a big one, and Jon Hamm has a big one. Jon Hamm. There's always pictures of Jon Hamm's junk. Just fucking jizzing, like post-jizz, like leaked out, like leaky fucking.

Jon Hamm's always walking around with a wet spot. Just fucking. Yeah, Jon Hamm got some crap I would argue that John Hamm's I I think yeah zoom in let's look at the more of these here that actually looks good so so just the cock portion that's not that our show? That ain't shit. That ain't shit. Yeah. I mean, that's no Jason Derulo. There you go. Oh, zoom in on that one.

That one. Yeah, it looks pretty healthy, honestly. Jason Derulo has a big dick? Oh, right. Yes, I know what you're talking about. Yeah, they had to cut it out of cats. Yeah, he sure does. Or the game.

Well, that's just. Did you see it? The game? No. Oh, right. Yes, I know what you're talking about. Yeah, they had to cut it out of cats. Yeah, he sure does. Or the game. Well, that's just. Did you see it? The game? No. Oh, bro. He is nuts. That shit, he posted on Instagram. He's more than nuts then, huh?

Yeah. Bro. When I first saw that. What's he doing? Bro, when I first saw that, I got so nervous I first saw that I got so nervous that I posted that on Instagram that that's me because bro

I go I go like this one wait hold on I didn't I don't have all those tattoos oh okay yes okay that makes more sense it's the game I go and then I hear outside in the living room Chris and i go baby it's the game don't worry and then you have to go what are you looking at the games

i don't care about that shit do you when you're watching it like we watch yellowstone kristin's like that's the hottest actor I've ever seen. The fucking guy. I don't know. Dude, when I'm watching football, Rachel is all about, you know. She's all about the burly ones, too. She'll be like, you know, whatever the offensive lineman or something like that. Yeah, but it's just a double standard of it. That's all. I just don't care.

I don't care either, right? But if we're watching something, they're going to care. Right, right, right. We're watching, we're just like, oh. Even if you do that, oh. Yeah. That's titties on her, huh? Oh, wow, yeah, that.

That nice titties on her, huh, sweetie? Yeah, no, I... You know what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah. You just can't like, you know, what are you supposed to do? You know what I mean? Like, it? Yeah, no, I... You know what I'm saying. What are you supposed to do? You know what I mean? Listen, look. It's a cliche, but men and women are different.

Emotionally, psychotically, everything about us is fucking different. It doesn't have to be equal so they look at that kind of stuff and they'll be like that like oh that guy's person's hot yeah oh i can't believe how hot this part you know and we're just kind of like okay i mean all right yeah um brendan's gonna be so mad he missed all this peace talk that is true and you know what

honestly thank god he's not on this one yeah He'd just be like interjecting a lot. Yeah, interjecting about, you know, he's probably got a regular penis, you know? He seems like he's got a penis that's just pretty regular. You know? You're laughing because you think that too, right? Yeah. That would just fuck. I just, I don't know.

I would just imagine what he would be saying right now. He's just so, you know what I mean? What else we got, Nicky? I tell you this all the time. I had this on my desk, and it just happens all the time. I'm just doing shit on my desk, man. I'm like, ah! It's good.

ChrisLeah.com. Get him at ChrisLeah.com. Burt Kreischer? Let's see what's up. He doesn't really have a question but i'm curious about he references one of your bits chris okay hey guys ty from kalamazoo michigan uh this mission is for mostly chris um but i was at your show a few weeks ago in grand rapids michigan fellow show loved it thank you but a little awkward moment during it right we started out about the black guys putting their

hands across their stomachs when they're walking about the black guys putting their hands across their stomachs when they're walking. Yeah. There was a black guy sitting right next to me. He looked at me during the joke when I was laughing. Was his hand on his stomach? He said, Yo, man.

Is that shit true? Do we do that? Wow. I was like, I don't know. After the show, I'll walk with you. We'll find out how we walk and I can let you know. He laughed his ass off about that. But that was a pretty good moment. After the show, I'll walk with you. We'll find out how we walk in. I can let you know.

He laughed his ass off about that, but that was a pretty good moment. Love the show. Love your opener. It was a lot of fun. And I hope to see some of you guys around Michigan. Maybe not to snag it on. That was a terrible, terrible decision. Maybe Kalamazoo, Grand Rapids.

Yeah, Kalamazoo's nice. All right, guys. Appreciate all your work. Yeah. What do they do? What? What do they do? black dudes will just like walk and like

it's a bit I did a bit about it because they do come see me if you want to see the whole bit I got to do it I make you guys all laugh right now like krista.com. For tickets.

But yeah, that's what they do. Kev knows. See, this is what- Kev was listening. He goes like this. Oh, shit. Yeah. He's like, what am I doing?

He don't know what the fuck he talking about. That dude with the ass in the crotch was probably like that too. Man, we don't do that, do we? That's such a weird thing to talk about is a bit like that. Yeah. Because it's so out of context. I know. I know.

You know what I'm saying? The bit's not about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then he makes it out like that's how shit gets taken out of proportion. No, no. Make no mistake I'm racist no but it's just

a funny I mean not like that dude it's a stock photo yeah everybody has diarrhea that's great wait till Nick Cannon

sees this oh yeah he can still say the same thing. Wait till you go to Africa. Yeah, they got their hands over their tummies for different reasons. So... Because they hungry.

Yeah, but that was a bit of it. And, you know, congratulations to him for having interracial friends. You know, that's great. And congratulations that they're at your show. Yeah, dude. I bring people together, huh? Yeah. Yeah.

And they're talking. You know what I mean? Finding a common thing where you... I hope I brought you guys closer together. What a weird thing to be asked at a show. So this white comic is on stage making observations about black people, and the black person turns to the nearest white guy and goes, Is that true?

Do we be doing that? You know what I mean? It's like it's such a – Well, it's funny because as a comic, you just – like you don't have that – I mean sometimes we're like, all right, here we go. I'm going to say the thing. Maybe people will take it out of context or whatever but you still do it

and you get used to that muscle of I'm gonna say this and if somebody thinks it's racist I'm gonna be like but it's not the thing is it's like it's not to be discussed is to be enjoyed in the moment right right breaking down anything yeah yeah yeah I'm the whatever course of course of course so that's what's that's what that's what I'm saying such a it's funny that he asked a question yeah because now we have to like die I said the thing you don't want Of course, of course, of course. So that's what I'm saying. It's funny that he asked the question when he did because now we have to dissect the thing. You don't want to dissect it.

You realize Chris D'Elia is racist. You know what I mean? Yeah. No, I just think that's the thing about it. It's like, can we just enjoy things in the moment and then move on? Right. Like, you know, those days are gone.

I guess people left my show recently because I was talking about trans. I was doing trans stuff. You know what I was talking about? When did they left your show? What? In the middle of the show? Two people walked out.

I guess Enrique, my tour manager, was out there. And they were like, they actually said, because I talk about trans stuff maybe like 10 minutes in. But they actually said like, man, he's really funny. But he went really hard on the trans stuff. And they were leaving. But it was weird that they admitted I was funny. Usually it's like, fuck this guy. No, but. Also, I wasn't going really that hard on the trans stuff and they were leaving. But it was weird that they admitted I was funny. Usually it's like, fuck this guy. No, but.

Also, I wasn't going really that hard on it. No, but check it out. That is a reason why people would be upset too, though. It's one thing to like be at a show where you just don't find this person funny and they're being insensitive. Right. Or whatever. Right. Yeah.

But if they're enjoying themselves, and then you say something, then they go, oh, man. Yeah. Why would he do that? So I can understand them still being like, that guy was really funny, and I just hate that he did this. Yeah, true, true. But it doesn't matter.

Haven't you ever had somebody, like, say to you, they come to you and be like, all right, like, even in this situation, what if the guy would, like, somebody would have said, like, oh, man, I love that joke you do about, how black people – and then it's like they say it in a way. Totally. Bro, you're like, whoa. That's not what the joke was about. Oh, hold on, David Duke.

Yeah. I didn't say it like that. No, no, no, no. So that's what – so when they walked out and said you went hard on trans, you probably – that's how they took it. That's how they took it. Right. Because it happens to me all the time right right my buddy said to me like his girl was at the show right my show and she was and she he said oh she loves this joke she said you said this and i was like well i yeah i was like whoa that's not what i said but it's like it was darker than like 10 times darker but they like dark stuff and they made it out that i i was like

i didn't say that but the thing is that's why you just go oh well i don't even want to know careful careful repeating that right that's not how i did it right yeah right yeah um it's a weird so it is interesting so i just think that they walked out because you know maybe they're like you know yeah i get it and honestly that's what they should do if they want to you know, maybe they're like, you know. Yeah, I get it. And honestly, that's what they should do if they want to. You know, like, rather than heck, fuck you. You know, like, if it's not for you, leave. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know?

But, yeah, I was at the Laugh Factory recently. And I was talking, I was doing the same bit. I mean, I think the bit's not really crazy. But I guess, you know, the culture we live in. Two people from separate ends at the same time said it's not funny man and i go like like like the kind of stuff i were like you shouldn't joke about that like that's what they were saying like you know like because it's look we're in west hollywood my thing is like though when somebody says that here's the only reason you should say that.

The whole room is quiet. They were dying. Yeah. So, you know, when somebody says that, somebody says that, I go, I'm looking, you want to look at me? Maybe this is you. I just, I, yeah, it genuinely, I just said, yeah, I don't know, man. And then it's not funny. What do you want from me?

Like, you know, I get up here and I try. People are laughing. You're not laughing. But, you know, all these people are coming to hell with me, I said, because they were all laughing. And then they go, yeah, you know. And then they don't, you know, they don't say anything the rest of the time. Yeah. I didn't, like, shut them down hardcore. Right. But, you know, I would, I. Well of the time yeah i didn't like shut him down hardcore

but you know i would i i will the tweet will say that yeah yeah so so so and and throughout the rest of my set i was to the gut to one of them i was like oh by the way you're gonna fucking hate this one and i go you know but he never said anything else again and it worked out fine but it was just like so it's so odd to do that when everyone's laughing. Dude, I have a joke about, and again, sometimes when you use a subject, but you're making a point, a different point, all they hear is the thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay? Yeah, yeah.

So, you know, I have this thing about like wokeness in commercials and stuff. Yeah. And like Hilton, man. The Hilton. Oh, yeah, yeah. Going in. You know, they have. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Going in. You know, they have. Yeah, yeah.

I know what you're talking about. You know what I mean? There's a guy making waffles with his daughter, and the daughter has Down syndrome. You know? And my joke is really about like. Yeah. Who's this for? Totally.

You know? Totally. You know what I mean? Anyway, I get a message from a woman who has a Down syndrome daughter who was in the crowd, and she's like, next time I'm going to walk up there and slap you. I don't care what happens. Call the feds. You got a case. I'm just like, but I'm thinking to myself,

I'm like, oh, so you don't see humor. If you can't see humor in your own situation, then you just don't be around anyone. Don't be around anyone or find a different way to like, because it's like. Don't go to a comedy show if you're not willing to laugh about everything.

Yeah. Yeah. Because the whole point of it is to like. Laughter does not mean you're making fun of someone. Or laughter does not. Sometimes laughter is just like a base. Yeah. You can laugh at a funeral.

I used to have a joke. I can't remember what it was, but the joke was at the end of the joke, you realize that the beginning of the joke was not true. Oh, right. And I say the thing in the beginning, and somebody is like, called me up, nah, this thing. And I'm like. Now, yeah like, you can't wait, bro. So it's like you don't ever really know.

You just fucking. But that's the strange thing about what we do anyway. Imagine you have all these people in a comedy club. There's 300 people at the Laugh Factory or whatever. And we're convincing all of these people who don't know each other to agree with us or disagree with us

or like, you know, be on the same page. Yeah. It's actually miraculous that that doesn't happen every show, you know? Well, it is crazy

because, oh, have you seen the clip where this actually goes along with that. There's a clip where there are people on a sidewalk eating on a patio

and these CrossFit people, you know, there's like maybe 15 of them running together, run by the patio and everyone goes and gets scared and runs because they think

that they're running from something. But they're just CrossFit people running. And I watched the clip a few times because it's so fascinating. Were the people black? No, everyone was white. Oh, I'm surprised. Everyone was white.

And I looked, I kept looking back, and I think, because the person in the head, there it is. Watch this. Go to the beginning. Look at how weird this is. The first person looks behind her. I think that's what triggered everyone.

Look, look. Look, look, look, look, look, look, everyone just starts running and then look,

there's more CrossFit people at the end. Watch. They don't show the end of the video where Godzilla's foot comes right. Like these guys

are obviously just jogging and working out. How funny is that? That's so weird. They all got free food by the way. They all ran out that's what that was look at this guy and this guy's like not even sure he's like i have fucking that guy just

stole someone's purse yeah dude but it's like you just you know what i mean like you just do kind of what everyone else is doing yeah that's a thing you're a bitch is what i'm saying. Not you. Well, you too. So if you're in a movie theater, you're sitting like mid-theater, okay? And then like, you know, maybe you sit, you know, and then someone in the far right corner, it's a big theater. Three of them get up and they start. Oh, yeah. You're just going to sit and you're going to be like, bitches.

No, no, no, no, no. Especially if you're in a movie theater, dude. People might be fucking unloading. But you go... That's what I'm saying. No, I know, but to your point is, we're all just kind of, energy is like a thing that,

you know, it consumes you. Oh, got you. You know what I'm saying? So when you're at a show, and you're laughing, it makes sense. But yeah, I do think that that's wild.

Yeah, because it's not something that's tangible. You know, it's something that is literally just its energy. Well, what if they like, I would love to. God, we're so smart. I would love to see someone do like an experiment where they were like yeah filming the whole crowd during a comedy show and then just to see like to like notice like look at the people who are not laughing or just like it because it's like a thing where you just go when we're when you're in the show yeah what's the percentage you need that you're like okay with it and you move on with your your

world you know i'm trying to say like i can get a sense sometimes like oh i got like 90 percent right people right the laugh factor you're like oh yeah this is my crowd yeah but if they if you saw that there was like 10 people who were just like yeah how would you feel well the here's the weird thing is do you ever look out into the crowd and you're killing right and you look out in the crowd and you're looking at people and you're like, how are these people laughing that hard? It doesn't track. Like, they don't look like all of them are laughing that much. You know what I mean?

Do you ever do that? And you're just like, they're all laughing, but where? You know? I do that all the time. I'm like, I see some people, but that's like six people. Because in your mind, you know, that's just your crazy thing, man. Because you're looking at it and all you see people is going like this. I mean, it's not even really necessarily.

And they're still laughing, though. I just don't know. Yeah. It is weird, though. No, but sometimes, again, you talk about energy. I just go off that. I mean, to me, I'm a rhythm comic. You know what I'm saying?

So like when a crowd is going, I'm waiting for a moment, I got to get them again. Boom. You know, so it's like, when I know that that's happening, I feed off that energy

and I don't care. I never, I like to make eye contact with people. The same, same. You know, but sometimes I make an eye contact

with people that like, are not laughing. Yeah. You know. On purpose. On purpose. Yeah, oh yeah, me too. Yeah, so it's like, you know, and not laughing yeah you know on purpose yeah oh yeah me too yeah so it's like you know and sometimes but you know what happens too sometimes maybe somebody's thing like this yeah you know you look at them and you're like yeah you know yeah they lighten up yeah kind of go yeah yeah yeah okay but that's energy yeah that's crazy

yeah we're like magicians that way we are that's magical we're actually using the force yeah we're magical beings um i don't know why you have to do this well you don't but you why would you do that it doesn't you wouldn't if you're a dj you might oh um no but uh yeah so i wanted to say one more thing about that i don't know are we done oh really okay i'll be in augusta georgia uh north charleston south carolina st petersburg florida that's the one and then irvine and all right just go to Are we done? Mm-hmm. Oh, really? Okay. I'll be in Augusta, Georgia. North Charleston, South Carolina. St. Petersburg, Florida. That's the one.

And then Irvine and Charleston. All right. Just go to chrisdillia.com and go. Australia, though. I can't wait to go to Australia. Adelaide, we even opened up. All right. And New Zealand.

New Zealand. May 9th in LA at the Laugh Factory during Netflix is a joke. Come check that out and some other stuff at ericgriffin.com. And I put a link on chrisdalia.com. You have to just look for it. Yeah. Keep looking if you go on my website. We're the Erich tickets.

I'm trying to go see him in Greensboro. Hey, it's Adam Carolla. And this is Dr. Drew. We're back doing our podcast three times a week, talking about current events, health news, and more. So, if you miss us on Loveline, check out the Adam and Dr. Drew Show. New episodes Wednesday through Friday available wherever you find finer podcasts. Pluto TV has over 300 channels and thousands of TV shows and movies for whatever mood you're in. Just open the app and something good will already be playing because it's curated by people who love TV as much as you do.

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