The Golden Hour - Episode 102: Nine Finger Dads

Episode Date: January 1, 2021

https://bit.ly/kingandthestingTheo & Tammy's Belated Christmas & Talent Extravaganzahttps://onlocationlive.com/product/theo-and-tammy-s-belated-christmas-talent-extravaganzaBrendan is at the West Palm Beach Improv 12/31 - 1/3https://www.palmbeachimprov.com/events/41652The boys talk John Candy, Uncle Buck, Wisconsin Hmong's, Snow Blowing Triggers, Carpentry, Bunk Bedding, Aggressive Orangutans, Sneaky Teachers, All New King It or Sting It's, Relationship Advice Submissions, Debate Club's, Culture Corner Auditions and more!BetterHelp - https://betterhelp.com/katsHims - https://forhims.com/katsKats Merch - https://KATSmerch.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

When the animals look around the animal kingdom, they don't see any there's no nice tits, bro I've been to the zoo dude You know what I'm saying every now and then maybe you see something that's got a nice little baby bag hanging Yeah, some of those gorillas are banging though Doug Some some of the asses on the baboons to get you going you feel me No, keep going Back off my broccolini get your life together going, bud. Dang, dang. Buzz, buzz. Back off my broccolini.

Get your life together. It is. Don't touch me, bro. I'm not touching you, dude. You look like Carl Lentz if he cheated on his wife with a buffet. I look like Carl Lentz if I was fucking cheating on my girl at Chili's. Yeah, yeah. Dude, you look like a hitman for Golden Corral, brother.

You look like, oh, it's a dessert. Bro, what the fuck are you wearing, dude? And why is it on button solo? Dude, you look like the only chick that got kicked out of the Charles Manson family for being too negative. Okay, bro, I respect that, dude. Dude, dude, you look like you're in the deleted scenes of fucking, of Tiger King. You look like Joe Exotic's gayest boyfriend in the deleted scenes. Bro, you look like you comb your hair with Joe Rogan's dick, bro.

Dude, you look like you give Joe Rogan massages in his fucking sauna. Yeah, that's true. I look like I sneak into his sleep in the middle of the night and give him massages. You look like when he's in his sauna, you poke your head and go, You need any water? I got water out here. Oh, did you order something do you need some jerky did you say elk dude i look like a guy that could make jerky in his bowels dude i look like

bro i look like one of lyle lovett's christmas ornaments today i look not good dude you look like you got you look like you got kicked out of Chuck E. Cheese for staring at the mouse too long. Man, where'd he learn to play guitar like that? Man, that guy's creeping me out with the seven buttons unbuttoned on his fucking denim shirt staring at me. Gang, baby. I got that solid gold on, baby.

It's 18 karat or something 80 carat you got down the streets of nashville nah man i got uh for christmas i got my whole family gold chains i got everybody golded up oh damn took a page out of the baby you know what happened maybe everybody got golded up bro i rolled right in right into Kohl's, bro. Hell yeah. That two-for-one deal. Them fake chains. Everybody's necks going to be green in Nashville. Hey, look, bro. That's how it is, man.

I'm that green-neck family, bro. We got Grinch neck over at our house, dog. Getting them Grinch vibes. Dude, everybody got chains. My nephews, my mom, everybody got chained up. We put on all of them, bro. And this is real, I think, everybody got chained up. We put on all of them, bro. And this is real, I think, from Italy.

We'll see. When you fly back to LA, I'll tell you if that shit's real. You don't want to go chain for chain, son. You don't want to go chain for chain, daddy. Nah, nah. I don't. You're right, man. I don't have, yeah, I mean, my drip's different, dude.

I just got these new boots today. I sent you that picture. Dog, that picture's swaggy. Yeah, that sounds, my drip's different, dude. I just got these new boots today. I sent you that picture. Dog, that picture's swaggy. Yeah, that sounds good, man. I got these Rujo boots, same as Bryce Mitchell. You look like you rode Bryce Mitchell in the studio today. Them boots are swaggy and gay. Oh, yeah, dude. I look like somebody that drinks Bryce Mitchell's sweat.

Hey, Bryce, can gonna get a straw? I'm all set on liquid IV today. I'm taking it straight off the branch. Taking it straight off the Mitchell. Yeah, let's get into it, man. Did you guys have a good Christmas? I didn't even ask you, though. Yeah, dog, it was cool.

Cool for the kiddos, you know. Gifts on gifts. Yeah, what'd you get that little dime of mine over there, huh? Oh, I got him a little electric book. He can just push on the buttons, you know, because he can't read. Oh, damn. I wonder what parent he got that from. Yeah, I just re-gifted it.

I just wrapped my book and gave it to him. It's a Charles Manson one, but he'll get the idea. Hey, hey, hey. Yeah, dude, I do look like every stunt double from that Charles Manson movie. Yeah, you do, dog. You look like you kicked out of the Manson family. Yes, sir. Oh, this shirt has a lot of starch in it, too.

That shirt is swaggy. That's that G- g star that gay star yeah you can't even i could barely even hitchhike i could barely get my thumb up higher than that so i want to pick you up though this heavy star that's that lot lizard jersey there uncle buck will pick me up remember that movie oh great movie i'm glad i brought her dog God me too dog That made my day Uncle Buck And he was up in Wisconsin Wasn't he Nick? I sadly haven't seen that

Is it Wisconsin? I feel like I should know that You've never seen Uncle Buck? I haven't My sisters will always watch it And it was like I was too young And I was just like

I hate the movies you guys are watching So I didn't want to watch Uncle Buck for some reason Oh you fucked up I've heard it's a classic Fuck yeah He comes in that station wagon Remember remember, with the chainsaw? Because that girl's dating that dude out in the forest,

and they're smoking and drinking. Dude, remember that station wagon has that reverb on it where it backfires? Yeah, it was all loud, the big shots. Remember he was always trying to fuck that girl in the crib? She was always coming over, his main chick. And then the next-door neighbor was always trying to slang that girl in the crib. She was always coming over, his main chick. And then the next door neighbor was always trying to slang them titties at him. Oh, he used to fuck, man. John Candy?

How long were you going to pretend John Candy was pulling all those hoes, though? That's how you know it was the movie. Dude, he used to fuck. I heard. Yeah, I heard that. Oh, I heard that guy could fuck a lot. Sir, fuck a lot, dog. Some people say that's what killed him.

Yeah, that's true. He did pass away. Sir, fuck a lot, bro. Baby got bucked. Buck, buck, buck, buck. Baby got Uncle Bucked, dog. Hey, what'd y'all do over there in Wisconsin, Nick? You guys do Christmas or what?

You went home? I didn't. I was planning on it. My brother-in-law got COVID like December 18th, and they had to quarantine. Wow. Everybody's fine, but my grandma's 83, so. Play it safe. Play it safe, I guess.

But she's really sad. Her brother just passed away. From COVID? No, just he's old. And he might have had COVID. Who knows? He was on dialysis already but uh so it didn't go back but uh we're gonna surprise her in a couple weeks and hopefully she doesn't die so what'd you do uh uh just sat at home with the girlfriend she made a nice honey baked christmas ham and we watched like four hours of shark tank it was

pretty good time y'all must be rich, bro. Something at the best Christmas. It wasn't bad, to be honest. You got that ham, brother. I'll say it is. A little ham and suck. Do not surprise your grandparent. That is a... Yeah, that's smart.

Yeah. You're basically, at that point, you're just basically like a bathtub with no grip on it. You were going... Yeah, man. That is very dangerous for a senior, bro. That's a great a bathtub with no grip on it. You were going. Yeah, man. That is very dangerous for a senior, bro. That's a great point. Honestly, I did it freshman year of college.

I came home for a weekend, didn't tell her, and I was home when she got home. That week, my dog had to be put down, and she hadn't told me because she was too sad about it. Oh, no. She was like, what are you doing home? She started yelling at me. She got all emotional, and I went in the shower and cried god damn that sounds terrible so a bunch of bunch of happy stories you're gonna surprise her again and have your asian girlfriend there this is a terrible idea man she's already seen the asian girlfriend so

there's nothing wrong and is that the first asian that she's ever like really spent time with there's a lot of uh mung people in lacrosse wisconsin uh doesn't mean she comes across them though yeah uh true true uh yeah definitely i guess up close and personal possibly future in-law and shout out to the mung girl i met a girl up in madison wisconsin one time at a comedy show yeah that's a lie no that's where they hang out no him meeting this girl it was an arranged meeting okay you mean a guy with long hair theo what you talking about uh great set brother long this girl's about 200 percent yeah and bro she wanted she wanted me to go out to lunch with her the next day. She brought her whole family to lunch, bro. Hell yeah.

And you had to pay for all of them? Yeah. She brought her cousin, grandparent, mom. I was like, what is God? Like, I didn't know the culture, what it is. And so I got, they munged me with the bill, that's for sure, dude. They munged me with about $200 worth of damn, where did we go? Would you guys go Shoney's?

No, Potbelly's Choice Sandwiches. Oh, that's not too bad. Just a few sandwiches. Quit your crying, Doug. It was 11 people. Oh. How many egg rolls did they sell you? That's their business.

Oh, yeah. Oh, they have one up their sleeve every now and then. They had the old grandpa who would reach behind you and pull out a little egg roll, bro. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. They do it like that, bro. The hard one. Brendan will hide one in his butt, that's for sure.

All right, what do you got, Nick? Let's start this bitch up. Yeah, so I didn't go back to Wisconsin because it was cold. There would have been a lot of snow. But this guy, Dan, he's in a place where there's a lot of snow. So let's kick it off with a King it or sting it hey Brandon hey Theo this is Dan in Tampa Florida and I've lived most of my life in Connecticut and recently I've been having my friends reach out to me crying about all the snow they get up there and got me thinking of maybe there's some

creative ways to get rid of the snow Brendan I know you're from Colorado so I'm sure you've shoveled your share of snow. And my question is, boys, king it or sting it? Flame throw in your driveway. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. Oh, damn, daddy. That is gangster. Bro, that is savage. it's doing the goddamn job though

a hundred percent how is this guy the first guy to think of this i bet you if elon musk took his ass to aspen he'd be doing the same shit elon mustard dude that guy's bullshit i think you're not buying elon you're not elon musk fan look i'm getting a tesla truck i will admit it but uh you would get a tesla truck did you pay to get on the wait list they're gonna be dope i'm considering paying i have i have the tab open on my web on my computer oh you're talking about oh the truck i'm thinking of suv you're talking about the truck truck the square thing that'd be dope that ain't for you that ain't for you bro comes with a hot bitch in the back no it comes with a handsome dude in the back

hey dude i don't know that guy get out of here man what's your name what's your name yeah that thing is uh what do you think king it or stinging man i say look if this is this neighborhood bowser this dude is welcome to burn down the whole fucking neighborhood if he wants, bro. You can use this to clean your driveway. You can use this to, if your kid sees you out there melting the damn yard, bro, you're like somebody that gives side hustles in Final Fantasy, bro. I think you've made it at that point. Legend. This fucking Fahrenheit 451 neighbor,

this would be sick, bro. This shit would be dope. He's also like the dude off Running Man if you remember that super 80s movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Running Man, dude? No thanks, bro. I'm into chicks. Yeah, whatever. Keep lying to yourself. I'm not lying to myself, dude? No thanks, bro. I'm into chicks. Yeah, whatever. Keep lying to yourself.

I'm not lying to myself, dude. I just read in my diary yesterday that I am straight, you idiot. Your outfit says different, son. Yeah, this isn't my outfit, dude. I borrowed this from somebody who was actually having a really tough day, Brandon. 90%. Who would sting it? Who the fuck would sting a flamethrower?

There's nothing more badass than a flamethrower. The only thing that would make you more more badass throwing grenades up in that bitch now we're talking bro snow grenades yeah dog yeah from la to nashville son denim bros don't do it denim bros don't do it again uh he did it so yeah 90 dude yeah if you had a grenade i'm sorry nick if you had a grenade that could eliminate the snow in your yard also once you do the yard you can go straight and barbecue some meat you know what i'm saying like don't stop right there that's what i'm'm saying. Keep that bitch going. Do your neighbor's lawn. Get a nice brisket out there.

Fucking tan up your girl with the flames, bro. Tan up them cheeks if you want. Whatever you want to do, bro. That's the move. Do your neighbor's. I've never been more appreciative than when the neighbor with the snowblower comes and does yours. And you wake up and it's done. Dude, little fact about my dad and snowblowers, they're real triggering for the man

because when he was 17, he had a snowblowing business, and the snowblower got stuck, and my father was like, oh, you know what? It's stuck. I'm going to stick my hand in there and unstick it, and it cut off three of his fingers. So my papa's hand, they saved two of them. My papa's hand's like this. I'll have him send a picture of his fingers so my papa's hand they saved two of them my papa's hands like

this i'll have him send a picture of his hand to us for the video his hands like this so these two fingers have fake knuckles and this one's missing it dude are you serious yes swear to god how is that the first time we've heard that i mean we've never talked about snowblowers before it's not you know we're usually in la this whole time you've been telling us about all this other shit this and this i can't read but you fucking forgot to tell us yeah my dad is missing your father is missing 10 of his fucking grip tactic yeah bro and he lifts like a motherfucker but he has to lift with gloves on because his grip's not great. But he's like a ninja turtle.

These four are strong as fuck. Like a sloth. Dog, meet my dad at 215, bro. You think you're badass training that bullshit jiu-jitsu out there in Nashville. Why don't you meet my dad at 215 and see what the fuck's up with his four-finger son? I'll put your dad in that hard scarf, boy. Come get it bro little baby don't say you need to get some help man i need help yeah i've just been seeing you

do stuff i've been seeing you sometimes i see you sitting out in your car and you're just having all those eating chocolates or eating like a little. I see you having that Lunchable. Dude, I need to talk to someone, but I'm surrounded by idiots. Do you have like any real professional help I could get? Thankfully, I do. Oh, thank God. What I'm talking today about is BetterHelp.com, man. Now, BetterHelp is a real service, you know.

And sometimes you see a buddy, he don't know what he's doing. He's hitchhiking, you know. He's drinking at noon and he quit work, you know and and and and sometimes you see a buddy he don't know what he's doing he's hitchhiking you know he's drinking at noon and he he quit work you know and he and he didn't and he didn't even have a job but now times are changing for him and what i'm saying is there's a broad range of expertise available yeah right now yep it's not a crisis line it's not self-help it's professional counseling done securely online listen Listen, you can start communicating in under 48 hours. It's available worldwide, baby. World freaking wide. It's more affordable than traditional offline counseling,

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Quit talking to your friends. Talk to a professional. Yeah, quit talking to your friends or idiots. Your friend has nine fingers, dude. Yeah. Or at least his dad does. Yeah, or at least his dad does. But even so dad you're getting

suggestions from somebody's dad has nine things it's not good yeah if you're listening to this podcast for any sort of help do not do that go to betterhelp.com slash k-a-t-s oh damn dog you look like a fucking lunch lady at a funeral dude that's what i don't want to say right now bro well bro your hair's looking extra sick though dog and listen 2021 you don't want to say right now bro well bro your hair's looking extra sick though dog and listen 2021 you don't want to be the bald dude man you don't want to be missing your hair in 2021 you can do something about it man with hymns i'm talking for hymns and guess what 66 percent of men start to lose their hair by 35 keep what you got it in the morning i take it in the morning b oh do you i thought dude your hair's looking extra frosty and thick right now.

Listen, 4hims.com, one-stop shop for hair loss, skin care, sexual wellness for the bros. All right? Whoa, don't hit on me, dog. Don't hit on me. I just dyed it as well today. Oh, I knew something was going on, Daddy. Yeah, it looks darker, huh? Yeah, man.

It looks long down the back. You can't tell. Oh, yeah. that's for the ladies yeah but what i'm saying is this man a lot of men they dick ain't right the head ain't right you see a man is you can't see it you know he look like he never he i don't he don't know nothing about his dick and his head don't know what's up yep and that's the kind of man you want to get him this you want to get him this treat it's basically when you give a dog a treat for vitamins. It's like that, but for a man, and they need it every day.

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They're always called, like, buzzer, you know, or stinger. Stinger. And it has, like, nine bees stinging a woman. It's like, bro, that looks illegal, okay? What I'm saying is HIMS is giving you their best offer yet. If you're not happy with your results after 90 days, HIMS will give you a full refund. I mean, look, you have nothing to lose. Nothing.

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information. Remember, that's 4hims.com slash cats. I'll tell you this, bro. I'm going to match you here, B, because this is what's crazy, man, and I didn't know this. My dad, when he was young, was playing hide-and-go-seek with his brothers. Not blacks. He had two brothers that both died. But when they were alive, they were playing hide-and-go-seek.

But when they were alive, they were playing hide and go seek. And one of them slammed a door, slammed his finger off. Oh, really? Cut it? So your dad's missing that one too? Yeah. What's the fucking chances of that, bro? Bro, and what are the chances of this episode not being named Nine Finger Dad?

For reals. Bro, i swear to god man my whole life uh my dad was missing yeah me too i'll ask my dad take pictures of his hand he's kind of self-conscious about it but i bet i can get a picture at him he hates me but i'll make sure we get a cool picture get that bitch out dude yeah dude have him get that uh he had that have you ever considered um that's crazy they're both of our dads are missing a finger nick can you look can you look up what percentage of people are missing a finger i mean probably one percent less than one percent right i don't know i'm trying to think i feel if i shake somebody's hand i feel i do a little bit of recon while i'm down there and i feel to see make sure they see what they got.

I thought it was weird my entire fucking childhood. My dad was always, you know, just that nub, son. Oh, that nub's crazy. And my dad used to do this thing when we were kids. He'd have us go look for his finger in the yard when we didn't know any better. Yep, same shit. My dad would go, oh, go find my finger. Hours looking for that bitch.

Yeah, and then he'd yell out every now and then. He he'd get drunk and he'd be like, it's in your mom. And we'd all be like, Hey, what's going on? But every time my dad comes to my house, my son would go, Hey, he'll go, Hey grandpa, remember you're missing a finger. My dad's like, yeah, dude. Yeah, man. Still not here.

Every time he sees them. Grandpa, remember you're missing a finger. I love it. I fucking love it i got some numbers for you what do you got doug uh in 1996 so this is a really old study 4.9 people per thousand so 0.49 percent we're missing some sort of limb that could be finger that could be whole arm but some sort of limb so how much is that for brendan uh 0.5 percent hey and how much is that hey if you if you have to uh miss a finger or toe what are you picking i'm picking

toe bro i don't know what yeah toe you can hide it yeah toe doesn't care i would tell i don't know if that's even a fair trade-off bro toe. Toe ain't shit, bro. You say that, but you missed that pinky or that big toe. You'd be walking already fucked up than you already are now. That big one would be tough, bro. That big one? I don't need the toes. Now I got these boots. I don't even need any toes, you freak.

I love how you have headphones on. You look like the gayest DJ in Reno right now. One more time we're gonna celebrate all right oh yeah get the trip people are like this is a funeral man get it together funeral man should we move on to another king of the sting it yeah bring it we got this guy let's do it did we help that last guy would he say yeah say? Yeah, dude, look. Flamethrower all day. Flamethrower's the whole damn neighborhood, bro. Get biblical. Burn a damn bush down. Who gives a damn?

Fuck yeah. And look into grenades for me and send us a video. What's this meth hat talking about? Hey, what's up, guys? This is Collin from Stanford, Texas. I got a king-ish thing for y'all. Homemade Christmas gifts. Ooh.

Ooh. Let me know what y'all think. Gang gang buzz. If you got a skill like that, king it all day. If you're handy with them tools, make it. Make it, bro. But if you're not, like, I don't want Theo to give me some fucking stuffed hamster for Christmas. You know what I'm saying? I need that real gift from Theo.

But if you got some skills, build that shit. Nothing better, son. Something you can't buy in the store, that'd be sick. Look, I commend what you're doing there, brother, because I'm saying this, especially at a time when every, there's only seven companies left, man. There's like Delta Airlines, Amazon, Hibachi. Tesla.

Jimmy John, Tesla. That's it. So, you know, to be doing something unique, that's going to speak volumes if you really can make something legit. I love it. Look, I get a little climbing wall there for your son. And that's dangerous if it's a if it's a crib, if you still have a crib child, because you don't want them teaching a sneak out, out you know to get bit by a rat or something like on that um that cartoon but you're talking about I remember I don't think it's it that's that that's that you know man you fucking build that build that climbing ladder you get that rei sun you know I'm saying that's true I mean I just

think it's dangerous if it's still a crib child brand you don't want the fucking child you know i'm saying that's true i mean i just think it's dangerous if it's still a crib child brandon you know what the fucking child you know getting out at night getting into your shit stealing um what else dude oh i was gonna say this i remember i made my sister a baby crib when we were children and some kid had some wood these born-again christians around the corner from us had a little bit of extra wood. So I went over there every day, man, before Christmas and just, I was like in there tinkering and tottering

and doing this and that. And I made it for her and I got it over there Christmas morning. She opened it up and she got in it, bro, and literally got splinters in her whole body. I hadn't sanded it. That's what I'm talking about. I don't want those gifts from you.

That's not your skill set, son. You have a different skill set. I hadn't sanded it. That's what I'm talking about. I don't want those gifts from you. That's not your skill set, son. You have a different skill set. I don't want you building shit. Also, by extra wood, you mean the KKK members behind your house? Is that what you're talking about with extra wood, son? These guys were religion only, bro. They had no... Yeah, whatever, brother.

These guys were looking for the Lord, no matter what color he was. Ain't nobody buying that i'm serious man yeah maybe your sister didn't like maybe your sister didn't like her crib because it smelled like gasoline maybe because it was made out of old pieces of burning crosses that's why but no dude i remember in it. Maybe because it smelled like gasoline. It was covered in white sheets. She couldn't get out, bro, because she got so many splinters right after she got in. Oh, it was horrible, man. Yeah, dude, king it if you have a good skill set, bro.

Nothing looked dope. Shout out to that dad of the year there, man. Yeah, there's something value about it. You're going to be one of the only people doing that everybody i'm not even joking when i went to shop there's only like four places it's just like it's all getting so narrow so to be doing something creative man sky's the limit start with one for your kid make one for the neighbor kid my dad got me a um wagon wheel when i was young when my dad was born they didn't have cars so when he was a teenager they didn't have cars and he actually had a wagon wheel when I was young. When my dad was born, they didn't have cars.

So when he was a teenager, they didn't have cars and he actually had a wagon. Oh, shit. And he had a wagon from... His uncle used to make wagons. He used to make handmade wagons. And he actually had a wagon wheel that he gave me one time. It was autographed by his uncle.

And it was dope? So... It was good. good man fuck all that noise add that red flyer that real shit not the some your uncle made in his backyard add that real fucking red flyer son the red fucking tin wagon my brother carry me around in it i'd fall out every now and then and your brother's still carrying you around, son. Hell yeah. My brother built like Dana White. What else you got, Nick? The people agree. 59% say King it. Here's the next one. Amen, bro.

Oh, who is this ISIS member? This dude is looking for a new group. That's for sure, man. I'm just joking, brother. Thank you for sending a video in. My question for you guys today, bunk beds. Y'all fuck with it. My lady friend, she puts her feet up here.

That's dope. Let me know. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. Bro, yeah, I fuck with them when I was 10. You can't be a grown man with bunk beds. That ain't cool. That's creepy, dude. creepy dude also for kids there's nothing better like my son's as soon my one son's gonna be five in february the other one's gonna be

uh he just turned one right when he turns about two my other son's five you get those little bitches bunk beds they bunk up together share stories at night i don't have to go in there if somebody's scared you get the bunk bed with the slide down they can slide down that shit's dope me my brother grew up with bunk beds but as a grown man dude but you're out bunk beds you're out you know what i'm saying can't have bunk beds as a grown-ass man i mean i think beds, bunk beds is nice because your brother's close. It's like, I like it because if you have a brother, y'all are in the same room. There's a little bit of distance. You're not in the same bed, but you're close enough to hear each other breathe.

Kind of. It's my, it's like, uh, it's like being gay kind of, but without all the fricking sex and everything. And you still going to be on the bottom no matter what. You feel me? Nope. But what I do feel is I think it's great, man. My little nephews had bunk beds, man, because here's the thing.

You get two beds out of one bed space. Yes. You have a regular bed, and you have that air space. Yes. So, man, you got somebody you don't care about. You got somebody that's small. Put their little ass up there, you know. Yeah, but this dude's talking about his girl sleeps on the top.

Yeah, dude, that's great. I don't want my freaking girl, my hot girlfriend, who's 98.6 degrees, fucking snuggling up to my ass like some kind of little fucking baby forest fire. Bitch, get upstairs. That's what I'm saying dude you staying on the bottom bunk huh oh i'm bottom another life i'm not climbing up there because it also the ladder hurts the middle of my feet while i climb good call bro good fucking call god i don't like those ladders either. The middle of your foot, there's nothing more sensitive than that middle foot. It's tender.

It's almost like veal. You feel me? Oh, it's like having a little dick hidden in the middle inside of each one of your feet. Yeah, it's like your nut sack between your feet. Yeah, dude. Bro, it's basically like the taint of your foot after that middle part. You've got to be careful. God, and you go up there

and then you have to get down going up isn't as bad but coming down and it's dark and you have to pee you don't know what's going on you don't know even what's real anymore getting down when you have to pee is the absolute worst uh freshman year you uh you had the option you could loft your your beds or you could bunk them my roommate like volunteered to take the top bunk so we could have more room i came home after a weekend i was gone and i came back and i laid in my bed and it was all wet and i looked on the wall this blackout drunk had thrown up in his top bunk and puked all down the side of my bed uh i left i was like clean it or i'm gonna kick your ass and then when i came back we lofted the beds amateur hour man no more man. No more bunk beds. Shout out Hunter Fritz.

What's his name? Hunter Pence? Hunter Fritz. Hunter Fritz, the old vomit. Hunter Fritz? Fritz. Hunter Fritz? Fritz. F-R-I-T-Z.

Sounds like he's going to try blowing up the ATT building. He was actually pretty dope, though. He really contributed to my gambling addiction. He won like $100,000 in the beginning of freshman year, and then he bought my meals for the rest of the year because we didn't have service. So as long as I went to the quad where we could get service and ordered the delivery, I got to eat for free.

Oh, tight move. It was awesome. Shout out to the quad. Good time. And how's Hunter doing now? You think he would call in? Yeah, I think Hunter would, definitely. He's doing, like, loans or mortgage he's he's got a regular job let's call the bitch ass up

what's up with the bunk beds now hunter yeah yeah and what happened with the uh gambling i wonder how that went like overall especially if you had that big win what was the long-term effect of it yeah do you have a drug addiction after the all? No, we just smoked a lot of weed together. That's drugs. He was playing, that's drugs. He was playing like 12 hours a day, so. He probably got a bunch of bitches being that rich in college, right? I think he would, maybe if he was like, he'd black out too fast.

I think he could have, maybe if he ran a little game, kept himself under control. Was he built like Armadillo? What did he look like? Yeah. Oh, okay. There you go. fast i think he could have maybe if he like ran a little game kept himself under control was he built like armadillo what do you look like yeah okay there you go i knew what was going on there i could tell you're beating around the bush there a little bit yeah he's good yeah it's hard to it's hard to fucking be unconscious at the same time man um i'll say this though i think uh what was this guy asking If you can be upstairs Oh bunk beds

Yeah it's grown man You can't be in bunk beds man For kids it's dope It does kind of take me back To a nice time I do like the idea Of it every now and then I slept in it a couple nights

During the Christmas holidays It was good But yeah I think it's weird If you bring a lady home And you have bunk beds It's gonna be alarming Agreed Alright let's move on To the next one think it's weird if you bring a lady home and you have bunk beds it's gonna be alarming agreed all right let's move on to the next one another one from dan he sent in some great submissions

and these are all mine from the king and the sting facebook group uh so go and join that and you can submit your submissions there hey brendan hey theo this This is Dan in Tampa again. Just wanted to go over a video that I saw about an orangutan kind of groping on this lady's frontal region. I don't know if that's illegal, if that's legal, if that's abuse and any sexual assault or something. I don't know how I felt about that. But what I want to know is how you feel about it King it or sting it That molesting monkey Look I want to say that

This LA Times writer is bullshit A lot of these articles seem like they don't really come from anywhere And there doesn't seem to be a lot of proof With any of this stuff So I haven't seen this guy I've never seen anything go down But it just sounds like Just kind of typical animalia behavior. Yeah.

So I want to say that. And also, this accusation of this orangutan is 21 years ago. I wasn't there. You know what I'm saying? I think your boy's going down. We have video footage. Oh, we got the actual video? My bad.

My bad. I don't blame the orangutan, though. Oh, we got the actual video? Oh, shit. My bad. My bad. I don't blame the orangutan, though. Oh, damn. Oh, get her, orangutan. Reach in for that beef, baby. Reach in for that front beef, huh? Dang. Or orangutan better stay out of L.A., tell you that much.

Orang-a-bang, bro. I wish that dude would freaking get loose in L.A., man. I'd love to see the New York Times write an article about that orangutan. He wouldn't give a fuck, bro. He wouldn't give a fuck. Come at me, bro.

There's too many animal rights out here for him to get in trouble, too. They say he had a pilot greenlit on Animal Planet, and they canceled it now. They canceled it. Can he still podcast at least? Only on Patreon. Is Sam Tripoli his co-host? Yeah, that's what I was going to say. Dude, that's crazy.

I'm about to say the same joke for the first time in our lives in 101 episodes. We finally arrived at the same joke, dude. I cannot believe that our dads both are missing a fucking thing. Same, same. King him, they said. This monkey. Yeah, King him. Bro, the last hope we have as a species is that animals strike back

and start showing people what's what. Yeah, play of the apes, dog. Even this screenshot, he's like, check this out. That orangutan's aggressive, bro. But, dude, rumor is also that the girl had been sending messages to the orangutan on IG. Yes. So it's a tough call, man. I messages to the orangutan on IG. Yes. So

it's a tough call, man. I'm with the orangutan, though. But here's the girl's hot, though. Let's just call it what it is. Very hot, man. And I think if you are, if we did evolve from animals, right? Like it says

we did. But also people don't think that we did and i'm not sure but if it's if we did animals are gonna be pissed when the animals look around the animal kingdom they don't see any there's no nice tits bro i've been to the zoo dude you know what i'm saying every now and then maybe you see something that's got a nice fucking little baby bag hanging yeah some of those gorillas are banging, though, Doug. Some of the asses on the baboons will get you going. You feel me?

No, keep going, bud. No, keep going, Doug. I want to see how this ends. Oh, dude, check out the tits on this chimpanzee, though. Okay, I'll agree. Not bad, okay? Not bad for some fucking woods titties but i'm talking about if you bring those bitches to south beach dog you ain't getting in the club yeah you that's

right you ain't getting the fountain blue with them saggy tits i'll tell you that right now yeah yeah you are bro with them fucking l cups with-cups, you ain't getting shit, bro. With them long L's. Oh, dude. Those things only look good by firelight on frickin' National Geographic television. So that's what I'm saying. A monkey probably, they're so used to seeing these trash bag titties around a zoo. Yeah, that's a good call. When they finally see a decent cup, you know, a cultured cup.

Yes. Bro, we can't, you can't blame that monkey for know, a cultured cup. Yes. Bro, you can't blame that monkey for finally, finally. First time seeing him. That monkey's probably taking 1,000 pictures, and finally he's reaching for a good cup. Yep. I'm with the orangutan. Next segment, we've got some relationship advice.

We've got some good ones this week. Ooh, all right. Okay, nice, dude. Brendan Theo. What's up boys big fan calling from cincinnati ohio i can see the pain on his face got over my kitty cat scratch foot fever and i felt like it was time to get back out there go on a date and uh i need some dating advice um i went on a first date to an indoor rock climbing facility and that was just sexual and um but anyway the date was great um she's super cool way cooler than me and i like a lot of skirt but i found out that she was 28 and i am only 21. How do you boys feel?

Let me know. Should I keep it going? Is it too much? Thanks. Cat, I love you. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. Gang, bro. Damn, bro.

Only 28? I thought he was going to say she's 38 or 48. 28? You're 21? Who gives a fuck, dude? Keep climbing them rocks. Yeah, dude. You want to yeah dude you want to climb you want to you know have sex upward

you don't want to be banging downward you know what I'm saying that gets you in trouble if you're hitting us up saying look this girl's 16 this girl's 9 you're going to jail buddy yeah we can't have you on the show bro but you're still within a legal range where you're legally allowed to make moves on that one.

What's the oldest chick you've hooked up with, Theo? Probably maybe 49. Six. Okay. All right. What about yourself, man? 42 probably. Liar, liar, liar. What about yourself, man? 42, probably. Liar, liar, liar.

That's wild. 42? But look, man. What about you, Nick? Hold on. Nick is definitely going to trump us both. Mid-50s, but I'm shocked that you got... God.

God. Mid-50s? Mid-50s, bro? You fucked a golden girl? Oh, damn, bro. Bro, are you talking about a Jimmy Carter supporter? Dude, you talking about a Richard Nixon fan? Yeah, dude.

Sign my wagon wheel, bro. Are you out of your mind? Dude, this woman, she animated. I'm probably going to out or you'll probably figure it out, but she animated on Who Framed Roger Rabbit. She's like, dude. You're not outing anyone. Yeah.

Nobody's like, wait, is that Betty Sue? Or was that her friend? And she also animated Kung Fu Panda. I met her while I was driving for Uber. Wow. I met her while I was driving for Uber. Wow. I met her. I picked, I picked up her and this, uh, it was a two, two older women and a guy. And they were taking the guy out because he was going through a divorce and they dropped him off. And they were like, they're really fun. And I, I always got asked out when I was Ubering, people would be like,

Oh, come hang out. But most of the time, like the clock was running. I had to, I had to drive so many hours till Sunday to make rent, but I finally had a little bit cushion. So I was like, okay, I'll come out, have a drink. And everything got crazy. That other two, those other two hooked up in her, in her downstairs. And I hooked up with her for a couple months. How'd it go down? She was like, let's go upstairs, young man. First, she, we went to the bar for like hours. And then when we were done, we were like, oh, let's all go to Irene's house. And then she she was like take this fucking cardigan off let's do this and then and then she just get these l tits out and then one day she was just like this is done and it was like okay uh why was it done she didn't like she didn't like your attitude uh i don't know i i she

said she got in a real relationship and i was like okay if he if he dies hit me up oh wow sorry do you still communicate with her nick uh no no i i you know like you you throw some lines out like months later see what and just no response so yeah you mean throwing lines out like you text like hey still alive uh just hey what's going on to like whoever you used to hook up with hey how was your nap hey you want to do dinner it's 3.45pm you text them that's crazy man that woman was still

let me see 18 years younger than my dad when I was born so that whole thing I like what she's doing was she like a baby 55 year old though Let me see. 18 years younger than my dad when I was born. So that old man. I like what you're doing out there. Was she like a baby, a 55-year-old girl? She was really good looking. She was redhead Canadian. Sounds awful.

And she had all 10 of her fingers. Okay. All right. You didn't have to go there. That's a low blow. But the crazy thing is, bro, in old generations, that was a big thing. If you showed up to the table, 10 fingers, ten toes, man, that was – I mean, you were basically the Robert Redford of your community.

Also, redhead? You're the Paul Newman of that bitch. You're killing it. But back to this guy. I don't think you should be worried about the age as much as the rock climbing. I don't like doing activities on dates. That could get exhausting after a while. She wants to go camping.

She wants to go rock climbing. It's not a bad first date. You get to see her climb up the mountain, some Daisy Dukes. A lot of upskirt, man. I think that's big upskirt country if you get over there. And upskirt is people that's real, real lonely and probably are going to go to jail taking pictures of people's crotches when they don't know it. You shouldn't be worried, though.

That ain't shit, dude. Stick with it. Go on a second when they don't know it. Fair. He shouldn't be worried, though. That ain't shit, dude. Stick with it. Go on a second date. Definitely stick with it. Cool. Yeah, go on a second date, man. You're a child, dude. You're lucky that this woman will even spend time with you.

Agree. We got another relationship advice. Gang, gang, bro. This one might be near and dear to Brendan's heart. How's it going, Brendan? Brendan, Theo. Got a quick question for you. Relationship advice.

As I'm wearing that merchy merch. Is it worth it? That hot, passionate, Latina love. When they're out here doing things like this. Ooh, breaking everything I love. That's my Xbox and guitars. But then, after the the storm comes the love four days later she bought me a brand new xbox is it worth it that crazy love when one second everything you love and own is broken

and shattered but then come sweet kisses love and passion like never before is it worth it let me know y'all love you guys gang gang buzz buzz yeah that's a fake king of sting shirt but whatever um listen man i'd have to see the latina though because usually it's worth it you gotta walk through some fire to get through the storm you feel me then the sun always comes out after a storm usually it's worth if they're bad enough stick with it my man yeah brennan's also trying to save his marriage so he's saying that but what i'm gonna say is this what i'm gonna say is this bro this is the beginning of how this is going to be a very dangerous dangerous bro environment like i admire any man i admire brendan i admire cesar chavez's wife any man that is willing to take on a latina woman because they are dangerous bro they're vatas dude

a lot of them they sleep at night but barely you know they're fucking just in their mind they're awake doing fucking tattoo art and shit they just just, you know, they're very dangerous. And this is the beginning of things getting smashed. You're going to smash your bank account. She's going to smash five kids in your life, dude, four kids. At least. Nah, dog. Dude, some Flaming Hot Cheetos and a dick suck.

There ain't nothing better, dude. Keep riding this out, and it's worth it, man. End of this Latino rainbow. Especially if they're in that order too I want to say that that's what I'm saying bro stick with it dog I'm just a little worried about that dog he said everything he loves

that might be next that's the price you gotta pay dude to get with a Latina if she's bad enough you're gonna sacrifice that little hound you feel me Cabron yeah man the mono that rocks the cradle papa you feel me so those were? Yeah, man. The mono that rocks the cradle, papa. You feel me? So those were good relationship advices.

Keep sending those in. Those are fun. Yeah, dude. Look, invite us to your funeral also. Please write down somewhere on your nightstand or whatever if you come up missing that we get to go to your funeral.

I think that'd be awesome field trip for us. Yeah, I also asked your girl to film it if she does murder you. King or sting it, murder my white boyfriend. Or film anything and send it to us, dude. I'm fucking lonesome. You know what I'm saying, dude? And in my city, lonely guys are fucking killing themselves.

How about that bomber at the fucking downtown Nashville? Sting it. Some lonely dude in a camper. I thought it was Ari Maness, bro, at first. I thought it was. Yeah, he tried getting rid of 5G. Is Ari living in Nashville in his camper? No, but I'm sure he will be soon, man.

So that does it for relationship advice. Let's move on to Rip My Drip. We haven't done that for a while. This guy. Is Chin here today is chin here oh damn he'll be back tomorrow though they always come back this is uh and he he wrote this this is chris chaos 420 he's a teacher assistant at an elementary school for eight years he's vaping quote-unquote cbd for stress occasionally throughout the day and he has a podcast called the friday podcast you uh friday podcast used to be a rapper but now has but has been recording new songs he's a single dad 31

years old with a 12 year old munches on the school lunch and breakfast meals gets to kick it with pre-k to fifth grade kids and gets to to talk about Marvel, Pokemon, Dragon Ball Z, and other dope stuff. Always keeping it rated G at work, except when I'm flirting with another teacher and no kids are around. Oh, damn, Daddy. Don't hurt him. He wants to rip his drip so he knows what he signed up for? He looks like he sweats when he watches Nickelodeon.

he sweats when he watched Nickelodeon. Bro, he looks like the high school he looks like the last boss you have to fight at In-N-Out Burger. He looks like he's about to get fired. Yeah, he does. It looks like when the school sees this, he's going to be out of

a job. It looks like he's going to be driving for Uber fucking 55 year olds. Yeah, bro. Not a bad gig if you can get it. What did you say, Nick? Just that's not a bad gig if you can get it Ubering 55 year olds.

That's not a bad gig, dude. Bro, this guy reminds me of this dude, Mr. Vliet. That went to my school. He was a Spanish teacher. And he would have no idea what was going on all year. And then at the end of this dude, Mr. Vliet, bro, that went to my school. He was a Spanish teacher. And he would have no idea what was going on all year. And then at the end of the year, you literally, if you brought in anything that was

Mexican, a Spanish casserole, a Mexican friend, a picture of a Mexican, he'd give you 70,000 bonus points. He'd be like, oh, you brought in two taquitos? You got 20,000 bonus points. And one of my you brought in two taquitos you got 20 000 bonus points and uh one of my best friends saw him in the bathroom during class during uh school one day and my he my buddy

was getting a d and he fucking threatened him right there at the urinal and he goes if you fucking give me a d i'm gonna i'm gonna rat you out i'm gonna tell everybody what you're doing with your million bonus points for casserole. Like, that's insane. And the guy gave him a freaking big man. Oh, damn. Well, it sounds like he's also going to lose his job if he's still there. But this guy, man, yeah, look, I think if you're non-practice, if you're not pedophiling and you're doing regular and you're being an adult, man, I respect that. A lot of people can't be around kids and not be a pedophile.

Yeah, facts. Also, if you're around kids that long, you got to get high. So I'm not mad at this dude sneaking into the janitor's closet, smoking a little reefer during his off time, during fifth period, getting high with the other teachers. I'm not mad at him. Gramming up, bro. Do your thing, man. Do your thing, daddy.

And especially if you're hollering at those other baits. Dude, there's nothing sexier, I don't think, than hooking up with a teacher, man. Preach. at those other bait dude there's nothing sexier i don't think than hooking up with a teacher man preach like when that when those scandals come out that this hot teacher hooked up with two students at the same time where the fuck was this happening when i was in school my teachers looked like shit yeah that was a problem yeah my teacher looked like warlocks didn't have a chance with us i'm sure one of them had a chance with you. Who was the one that had a chance? Probably Mr. Decker.

Our Spanish 5 teacher, and she dated a senior for like – and I was in love with her, actually. And then I found out after – That she was only 24? She was only like 26 or something. But, yeah, they dated all throughout his senior year and, like, all the kids knew. But somehow the school didn't find. And then they continued to date after.

And when I found out about that, it broke my heart. Because it was like I was in freshman. I was like, I could have had a chance. What a real love story. You think they're still together? Wow. I don't think they are. We should have them call in.

Yeah, I almost said her name. Yeah, she probably got fired as well i think she dude i'll tell you straight up miss garifola i think was our lady's name she taught math dude or something i don't even know right when i got into her class i was so freaking just erect the whole time i don't know what she was teaching you i don't know she was teaching math i don't know if she worked at our school dude all the blood would just run to different ends of my body, dude. And she wore like perfume or cologne or something.

It was good, bro. Let's move on to some debate club. And this guy, he's got an appropriate one. What up, y'all? It's your boy, FroBob LongPants. Out here with a debate club for y'all boys. Because I seen the post. I seen y'all needed some help. So I got a debate club for y'all boys because I seen the post. I seen y'all needed some help.

So I got a debate club for y'all, bro. Since the New Year is coming up, you feel me? What would y'all rather do? Go out to the clubs and to the bars and all that for New Year's or do like a little kickback function kind of deal at the crib with some friends and you know y'all just drink at the crib

and do that. Friends bro you better get some tits up there dog. I need to know. Tits in your face for the New Year's. Listen what I would do. Yes sir. Yes sir. Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

Hey, nigga, babe, bro, look. I'm high. I'm smoking marijuana. Okay, he's high on that kush, man. He's hopped up. It's all over. We're in L.A., son. It's everywhere out here.

Bro, what I would do for New Year's, what I would do for New Year's, I'd go to Palm Beach Improv. That's what i would do for new years what i would do for new years i'd go to palm beach improv that's what i would do because i'll be in that bitch but if i'm not do if i'm not working i'm at home bro and i'm not even awake when that ball fucking drops i can't tell you the last time i was awake when that probably when we did the fucking comedy store thing other than that your ball i'm asleep by 10 bro i don't give a fuck about that ball dropping everyone watches anderson cooper bring you into the fucking new year that's i'm not about that life people blowing rvs up and shit i'm trying to be my undies watching reruns of first 48

oh yeah it's good and i'll tell you i hate to tell you how it ends, but a black guy kills everybody. They're always in Oklahoma. It's always the worst. Tulsa. The guy never, why'd you do it, Scoops? And the guy's like, oh, no, man. And they're always ratting on each other. You realize cops can't do shit without snitches. You realize they're not very good at their job.

They have no evidence, no fingerprints. It's always snitches that solve the case. It really is. Every episode. Fingerprints isn't even a thing anymore no every episode literally if they sing or see fingerprints they will wash them off of the crime scene because they know someone's gonna snitch that's crazy man it's just different man it's just yeah why'd you do it scoops i don't know what you doing for New Year's, Theo? Well, look, first of all, I want to say this, man. Thanks for the submission, young brother. And I know it's, you know, and I'm going to go out on a limb, a short limb,

and say this guy is obviously a mixed gentleman. And that's really where it is. The power today is really with the mixed gentleman. You know, you see it with Patrick Mahomes. Who else, man yeah the weekend it's everywhere so what I'm saying is this man uh I don't think going out to a club then you first of all you got to go to the club it's going to be loud the music hasn't even been that great this year so you have to be listening to all of that shit then you got to convince a woman, if you like women, to come back to your house or, you know, COVID pad.

You got to, it's just too much, man. So I think you, yeah, you do a small get together, maybe smoke a little bit of the lamb's wool, baby. You know what I'm saying? That fricking,

the tuft of the Lord, baby. That dank. That dank. Dank, dank. And, uh, that dank, dank. And then, yeah, man, just chill out, man. Jerk off or hug somebody and jerk off, bro. Yeah, but don't bring the New Year's in crying. No.

No, no, no. Which gets me back to you. What are you doing for New Year's? You really skirted that question. What are you doing for New Year's? You really skirted that question. I actually scheduled my last cry session of the year December 29th. Smart man.

What am I doing? I don't know, man. I haven't thought of anything. Yeah, sounds like you have no plans. I have no plans. I'll probably see if anybody's having a party or something, but I don't know anybody that is. So I will probably just relax and get a nice pizza or something, but I don't know anybody that is, so I will probably just relax

and get a nice pizza. Ooh, a nice maybe cheese pizza to yourself? Yeah, dude, get a cheese pizza maybe. Make some breadsticks, maybe make ten breadsticks and break one of them in half in honor of my father. Fuck yeah, honor my dad too, man. Go ahead and dip that bitch in that sauce for me. Oh, yeah, I will. And, yeah, I don't have big plans. Go and dip that bitch in that sauce for me. Oh, yeah, I will.

And, yeah, I don't have big plans. What are you guys going to do? I'm at Palm Beach Improv. Oh, yeah, there we go again. I forgot. Yeah, Palm Beach Improv again. I'll be in Florida, man. Bring New Year's in Florida.

Is it Thursday night? Is that it? Yeah, when this premieres at 9 p.m. Pacific, the ball will just have dropped in New York. And then people will watch us. Oh, well, Happy New Year's. Yeah, Happy New Year's. Damn, I didn't even know New Year's was Thursday. Hell yeah.

And thank you for coming to the live. You know, I like to jump in the premiere every now and then and see what's going on. Brendan doesn't have a YouTube account, so hard to get him in there. I'm working on it, it's coming but thank you guys man we'll have to go out with some new year's music when we wrap this up but we got one more debate club and then we'll see some of these culture corner auditions this is nick from wisconsin nick with the mr blue eyes what's up guys this is This is Nick from Wisconsin. I got a debate club for you.

Who's the better faker, Rachel Dolezal or Hilaria Baldwin? Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. Dude, and that Hilaria Baldwin's getting tore the fuck up. Now, speaking of snitches, now her classmates are sending old pictures of her when she said she was in Spain. Shows her in fucking Boston in high school, some school play. She's getting outed. I don't get why she was trying to pretend she was from fucking Spain. What's the point?

Just be from fucking Boston. Who gives a fuck? Have you seen this, Theo? I don't know about this. You don't know about this, bro? She's getting lit up right now. She's Alec Baldwin's wife and she would go on like

the Today Show. She was a correspondent for Extra, but she would go on the Today Show and she would give like this weird Spanish accent. And she was like, in your culture, you say cucumber. You say cucumber. And then you realize she's just a white girl from Boston.

She was literally like, she's this year's Rachel Dolezal. She's been acting like she's been Spanish-speaking for, and she's from Western Massachusetts or something. Yeah. I'd say that Rachel Dozak's way worse. She was the head of the NA double CP, or NA double A whatever the fuck it is. NA double CP.

Bro, she was basically the ovary MLK, bro. For real. I thought Dolezal was dope. She was trying to do good stuff for black people. She was basically just whoa Vicky, but 15 years old. Yeah, she was older whoa Vicky and just dyed her skin

all black, though. But she was doing good shit. She was really helping them out, and then they fucking kicked her out of the club. Yeah, it like kind of like that's the thing sometimes you just gotta look if people are helping you keep them involved man you know it's like i don't know at least rachel was doing some the lord's work and trying to help black people out this lady's just stealing the fucking culture of spanish people for no reason. But check this out. Here's a. Oh, this is the clip? I mean, so what happens with her?

It's not like, can she still podcast? Probably Patreon only. Yeah, at this point. And she's a real person? Yeah. Real white person. Oh, Hillary Baldwin Cucumber pretends to be Spanish. That's the video you're looking for. You see it?

Oh, yes. That's it. That's the one I saw. She really went over the top. Did she? Yeah. I don't know where you're going to cancel her from. She's just a mom. We have tomatoes. We have

cucumbers. We have red pepper. And there's millions of examples. She said, like, she's been asked point blank, and she's like, oh, my family is from Spain, but they were, like, vacationing there, and she made it sound like they were there until she was 18. Just senseless, really. I don't know what she's getting out of it. Yeah, I just don't get why she does it. What's the point? What's the narrative?

No one's like, oh, she's from Spain? Let's give her a fucking job with E. I don't get it. But who cares? Here's the thing. Especially now we got Ancestry, what is it, Ancestry 60? Ancestry.com. You got 21andMe.

Ancestry.com. You got 13 Ways to Die. Listen, Theo, pretend these are straight male. We don't cancel him. Come on, man. Dude, I've definitely spent more time with women than you have, bro. Let's be honest, dude. Next week's King of the Sting guest host, Tim Dillon, tweeted,

Hilaria Baldwin was just picked up by ice. guest host uh tim dylan tweeted hilaria baldwin was just picked up by ice dude but here's what i'm saying with ancestry.com and ancestry you know whatever it is ancestry 60 they're doing now where you everybody has a little bit of everything in them so what's to say in this woman's life that'll you know the nine percent of of Spanish flared up for a half a decade? That's fair. You know what I'm saying? You can't really, you know, if you're wanting people to be everything, then let them be what they want to be, man. That's my thing.

Who gives a fuck? It's like everybody has freedom of self-expression. Yeah, if she wants to talk like she's from Spain, you're right. Yeah. Do it. It's stupid, but do it. Who gives a fuck? Yeah, I find it, like, interesting and funny, but the people who are getting really upset, like, she's, like, appropriate in culture. Who gives a shit? Hilarious. Who gives a fuck? Yeah, I find it interesting and funny, but the people who are getting really upset, like she's

appropriate culture, who gives a shit? Have you seen Mackenzie Dern? Brazilian accent? Yeah, I don't care. I don't care. She's hot as fuck. Dude, how about those Buffalo Bills?

Pulling it off last night. Bro, you ain't from Buffalo. Dog, but they're good, bro. Imagine just the suppression, the repression, bro, that they went through for 20 years in that division. Listen, I was on the Buffalo Bills for about eight days, and I know what they went through. I was there for eight days.

I had a cappuccino. Who was quarterback when you were there? I had a cappuccino with the Buffalo Bills. The quarterback was J.P. Lozman No way was it really? I used to party with J.P. down in New Orleans Oh yeah he went to Tulane right? Yeah he went to Tulane Man I still have his freaking jersey at home

Oh you should wear that bitch There's no shop jersey I wasn't on the team long enough They gave me a jersey without a name on it You all have William McGinnis I knew I was cut when I saw another guy jersey i wasn't on the team long enough they gave me a jersey without a name on it and then i knew i had william mcginnis huh i knew i was cut when i saw another guy who was a first round draft pick with the same number oh nfl teams don't have double numbers so i knew my time was short i'll tell you it was tough coming back to my nine finger father while he was had a Buffalo Bills flag on the house and I got

cut no way oh dude it was so embarrassing he put a Bills flag on yeah and all the neighbors were like oh we're Buffalo Bills fans now and there's like all this shit on the house my dad had this giant Buffalo Bills flag outside the house came back, he had a Scott Norwood statue in the yard. Dog, I came back nine days later. Did you cross paths with him? Nine days. One day for each finger your dad had. For reals.

Did you cross paths with the original Antonio Cromartie, Travis Henry? He had like nine kids out of what? I got 13, bro. Travis Henry had 13? No. Cromartie did. Cromartie, 13. Yeah, Travis Henry's putting up some numbers, too.

Was he on the team at the time? I forget. Probably around there. Should we close out with some Culture Corner auditions? Yeah, what do we got, Doug? What about the auditions? Yeah, let's get to see these auditions, man. I want to see who's ready for this. My name is Alex Hernandez-Diaz, and here's five reasons of why I should be

in the Culture Corner. One, I'm not a predator. Two, I'm not a racist. Two, I'm not a racist. Three, I'm Mexican as fuck, bro. Four, I'm extremely reliable. I have my own car. And five, I'm a G-Sed. Come on, Nick. Watch out.

I got that Brett Favre hitter, homes. I'm also an editor and I have a YouTube channel with over 10,000 subscribers to show for it. Which means that I can edit for you guys, make clips and things of that nature. I'm also a big fan of each and every single one of you, and I respect the hell out of all of you too. And thanks to all of you for making us laugh. Oh and did I mention that I'm fluent in Spanish? Anyways that's my time. I'm Alex the Mexican and I need a beer. And I need a beer. Yo, Macra, get a cerveza.

All right. I'm not mad at him. Now, is he local? Is he in L.A.? If he's a cheesehead, that's a little weird to be a cheesehead in L.A., yeah? And it's queso de cabeza, actually. I think he said in Spanish, Theo and Brendan are muy caliente. I prefer fimales. And Brendan prefers. Keep blind yourself.

Your shirt says otherwise. That seemed more like a... Go ahead. And Brendan prefers Tamales. Your friend Joe Exotic says otherwise. Oh, dude. Please. Well, Donald Trump, please pardon Joe Exotic.

I agree. Before you leave, man man get that man out of prison soon we get fucking tiger king 2 up in this bitch i need something to watch please um look i like this guy's attitude some of the stuff that he loved all of us that sounds hard to believe sometimes when people say like just group love like that but um i did like his attitude he only has like a minute or something to really get his point across i love the fact also that he is willing to work after he gets off of the cocktail pal with editing yeah that was more of a control room audition i think than culture he seemed good

at it that was the best submission we've had as far as quality and editing by far the best yeah that's a good point yeah i wonder where he lives at now. He did seem like control room editor. Maybe there's something there. Yeah, I actually did find him. He's from San Diego. Okay. Okay, he can move.

And look, if he's really 100% Mexican dude, he'll keep heading this way anyway. Yeah, he could be up here anyway, yeah. Selling coconuts. Let's see what this guy has to say. Ian. What's up, King? This thing. My name's Ian Callahan, and this is why I should be in the culture corner.

Apparently you got a chain for the Theo. I'm a thick white boy. I live in L.A. right on Pico Robertson, right next to all of the Hebrew or Orthodox Jew, however you want to call it. So that's the culture right there. OJs, they call them. I am a convicted felon, so we can talk about that. That is culture in itself, prison culture. You're out, brother.

And let's not forget that I do have a rap song called Had to Pull Them Titties Out. I dropped when I was 18 years old, and it is an absolute banger. And we have some Asian Christmas dancers dancing in it. And I will put the link in this email so you can check it out nick but i think it would be a great time and i'd love to join gang gang buzz buzz culture culture okay convicted felon usually that's frowned upon but we're uh equal employers here oh yeah nick went to jail didn't you nick i have never been to jail you've never been to jail no that's surprising i wonder if we didn't i, Nick? I have never been to jail. You've never been to jail? Nope. That's surprising.

I wonder if we just put on the IG, do you think Nick has been in jail or not? What people would vote. 80%. Yeah, I think it'd be pretty high. I'll put it up. I'm trying to find this guy's email. Do we want to watch?

I would love to see it. Yeah, I would. Drop them titties out of it. Yeah, drop them titties. Sounds like a banger. Don't say banger, though, because we've never heard of it, though, you know? I bet Brendan didn't. Weren't you in that Nelly video, Brendan?

What were you in? MC Hammer. So crazy. Don't disrespect me. Nelly, come on. MC Hammer, bro. You were in, what's that Chica's name? Bad Barber.

That's right. That was dope. This is Had to Pull Them Titties Out, the music video. Young Klepto. Had to Pull Them Titties. Young Klepto. Looks like my dad. Amen, baby. That's ravishing Rick Rude, baby.

May he rest in peace. I'm about to get my titties out. This video's kind of chatty. Yeah, it's too long of an intro. Yeah. Ooh, bunch of cats. It's like they're performing this at a local high school Oh yeah This looks like one of those Japanese mental health facilities

Kinda I've seen a lot of Bukkake videos that start like this. I haven't seen any of that. Okay, I'm good here. I have to pull them titties. Thank you, Jonathan. What's your guy's name?

Is it Jonathan? What do we think of Ian, the convicted felon? We've had some good submissions. I'm not mad at the banger. I'm not mad at the title, pull them titties out, but I don't know. We've had some good submissions. I'm not mad at the banger. I'm not mad at the title, pull them titties out. But I don't know. We've had some good ones, man.

I don't know if we need another white person in here. I don't want to get sued. That's the tricky part these days, especially, you know. And look, I love what you did, man. I love your work. I love the fact you've been in jail. You know, you made it out. I like that you like titties.

We could use another straight male in here. Yeah, we probably could, man. I like the costumed Viettes. You know, that's one of my favorite thing, bro. It's easy to get some Asians, but also to dress them up. What else, man? I like your style. I think maybe check back with us in a month.

That's fair. When he's off parole. Yeah. Oh, who's this baddie, though? Hey, Brandon. What's up, Theo? It is Abby from San Francisco. She said my name first.

And I am submitting to be in your guys' culture corner. After Corvid hit, I moved back down to L.A. And I thought I could bring my Ashkenazi schnozzy to your guys' studio and finally get a juice point of view on the King and the Sting. Theo, that hitter of a nose was fooling us for a little bit, but I think the viewers are catching on and for the sanctity of your guys' podcast running out of Hollywood, I think it's about time you guys get a chosen one on the show. Fair point.

And sorry, but usually when you get us involved, good things do happen. Just saying. I'm also born and raised in the mecca of all things woke and dope. So in today's society, I think it's good for me to be well-versed in Nancy Pelosi's Satanic Bible and Governor Newsom's spark notes on how to ruin a society. Fortunately, they run the district that I call home. And part of the reason why our comedy scene is completely dead, but that's okay. I'm submitting to be on your guys' show. And if you guys want me there, just like feather your mullet and Brandon, click your Off-White collabs three times.

I'll be there for you boys, okay? Gang, gang, Shabbat, shalom. May Jews. Amen, player. Thank you, miss. She called it. This is the new Off-White collab. I like this young lady.

I like this young lady. Listen, she looks like Halsey. All right. She looks a little bit like Halsey. And I think she could be a good addition. And I think her and Theo have the exact same nose. Okay. And I think she looks like Theo's sister.

And I think she'd be a great addition to the culture corner. Let's get Julie up here, Theo. First of all, Vernon, I just got my sister A nice gold chain that I gave To her at a waffle house the other night Where the cook had just quit when we got there And we didn't know And we ordered And the lady there, she's like

Can't you fucking see we don't have a cook Like, no bitch, I can't No bitch, bring us our goddamn chicken Can't see that Yeah, cannot see that, Yeah. Cannot see that. That's fine, but fucking you should put a sign on the door, okay? So, anyway, quite a time over there at the Baton Rouge Waffle. Does she not look like Halsey?

Halsey's also Jewish, so, Brennan, so I think you're just Jew. Halsey's also half black. Do you know that? Her dad's black. You're just Jew-tifyingying we've got another submission I like the Jew girl though for the record I like the Jew girl I think should be a fun addition and I clap my heels three times and I got new off-whites on oh who's this little is that all Z hey cats family Alicia here Merry Christmas I am

submitting a video today to come and hang out with you guys in the Culture Corner. I would love to come and be a part of the Culture Corner. I do live in Southern California area. I submitted a video a while ago for Web Better Dead, episode 18, and I am on there. So you can check me out there. That's it. I hope you all are doing well. Happy new year. Gang, gang, buzz,

buzz, culture, culture. Love y'all. Buzz, buzz, young queen. The thing is,

is your, she's so friendly. If her and Chappelle had a kid, the world would be right. They're just too friendly, you know, but she's also in within one minute. That's the thing.

What side of yourself do you show? You know what I'm saying? If you have one minute to show people something, do you show them nine of your fingers or that you're missing a finger? You show that you're missing a finger off the bat, son. You come with that heat. Like that Jew girl came with the heat off the bat, cracking some jokes, some Pelosi jokes, some Newsom jokes. Yeah. It's hard to know what to have. Like if there's any real criteria. There's no real criteria. jokes, some Pelosi jokes, some Newsom jokes. It's hard to know what to have.

There's no real criteria. She made fun of your nose, which I liked. Yeah, well, that's easy to do. But look, yeah, both these ladies, I think I mean, look, this is the first I'm seeing of the videos, so I think we'll have to think about it. Here's the other thing, too.

We could rotate random guests until we find one that fits if there's chemistry you can rotate through them yeah the audition tape's just step one yeah that's just step one we bring them in cool thanks for trying out bring another one thanks for trying then maybe sometime next year we make a final decision next year brendan like mid-next year. Mid-2021. Mid? Mid-next year? These people could go on with their lives.

They could be married. Yeah, maybe. I don't think it means a year from now. I think it means a couple days. Yeah, exactly. Thursday's next year, Woogie. Here is hands down. It's a wigger.

No, Woogie. You looked the wrong way. Sorry. It's w wigger. No, woogie. You looked the wrong way. Sorry. It's wigger, dog. Here's hands down the weirdest one we've received so far. I'm Angel. I'm currently in San Jacinto, California. That's me on the left. Now you see, these hands can also make eye babies.

So if you guys would allow me on, it greatly appreciated i gotta need some help listen betterhelp.com promo code cats everybody needs help look at that first of all young man thank you very much for sending that in bro that's a beautiful piece of art i think yeah you full of shit and you're scared. Listen, I'm going to call it what it is. That thing was creepy, bro. Maybe resend something in that we can use, you know? And listen, I don't want no problems. I don't want no problems. Don't pull up my house in an RV with explosives.

I want no problems. Brendan, no problems. I'm over there. I want the fucking smoke, white boy. Okay? Or whatever that guy might have been. Semi-white. I say bring it, bro.

Bring it over here. King of the Sing Studios. Bring it out here to Calabasas. Bring it to freaking B. Schaub's house. And let's do this shit, bro. Bring your guns. Bring your anthrax. Let's go.

We can get saucy if you want, bro. I'll roll up these sleeves. Is that it, Nick? Thatrax. Let's go. We can get saucy if you want, bro. Roll up these sleeves. Is that it, Nick? That's it. That was fun. Again, I think that girl's the best submission. I think the ladies have taken the lead, I think. Yes.

But I look forward to figuring that out and thinking about it a little bit more. Well, Happy New Year, man. Yeah, man. Happy New Year. 2020, tough year. Let's call it like it is tough fucking year for your boys here but we made it through we're getting through 2021 is gonna be big it's gonna be fun hopefully the world opens back up i'll be at palm beach improv thursday friday saturday me and the crew all right san mar San Marcos, Texas after that. And I'm just looking forward to starting a new year, man.

2020 was really tough. Brendan, I think you have to change your mentality, man. Okay. Go on. That's it. Thanks, man. That really helped. Yeah, thank you.

Again, it's betterhelp.com provococats you gotta come into this year blazing bro get your guns blazing you right you know I think it's a big year for you to really shine bro thanks brother you too man

I wouldn't mind seeing you get back into Bellator either alright not the direction I thought we were going to go. Just saying, man. I'll corner you if you get in there. You should fight Jake Paul. Oh, dude. Bro, I will beat

the remaining hair that is in that guy's head out. What else we got? That's it, brother That's it Oh, I will be January 15th I have a live show It's pay-per-view

It's January 15th 8 p.m. Eastern You can buy a ticket now And that's gonna be it It's a belated Christmas talent show There's gonna be some live performances Everything is gonna be It's gonna be dope So look forward to you's going to be some live performances. Everything is going to be dope. So look forward to you guys being there.

We'll put a link below for that and a link below for Brennan's shows in West Palm Beach. That'd be cool, man. Looking forward to it, brother. Happy New Year to everybody that supports King and the Sting. And thanks for being a part of our lives. Yeah, we love you guys, man. 2020. See ya.

2021. Gang, gang. 2020, see ya. 2021, coming in hot. About to open up with this at my concerts Flow is contagious, brows are outrageous Thicker than girls that are Instagram famous Damn, hungry like I'm fresh off keto Seeing red like Andrew Santino Every song I hit like the great Bambino Brennan ate the queso and the quesoritos But everything's gonna be fine Hate on me, I do not mind

Theo looking like the type of dude that got a pack of matches in his pockets at all times They sliding into my DMs A couple of you triedpper couldn't beat him Quit playing like Nintendo DS You don't want to smoke like Joey Diaz Meaning y'all edible Just got my eyebrows threaded and I'm feeling incredible Brandon's son hit me up

He said it's too loud in the club Can you pick me up? King and the sting King and the sting King and the sting Be sting Rat king King and the sting King and the sting, king in the sting, bee sting rat king. King in the sting, king in the sting, got the bees in the trap, got the cheese on a string.

King in the sting, king in the sting, king in the sting, bee sting rat king. King in the sting, king in the sting, in the sting Got the bees in a trap Got the cheese on a string