The Golden Hour - Episode 104: Welcome To The Game

Episode Date: January 15, 2021

Theo is back with Tim Dillon and Brendan. The guys Rip Their Drips, talk Chelsea Lynn & Jelly Roll, Tim's Banning from AirBnB, King Size Shirts, Male Massagers, Cigs vs Porn, Satanic Energy Drinks, Male Crop Tops, Comedy Store Ghosts, Pooping Naked, All New Sink My Ink's, Culture Corner Auditions and much more!Kats Merch - https://KATSmerch.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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of a guy smoking a Parliament light outside of a rehab, looking at someone else and going, listen, man, it's going to be different this time. That is exactly the official drink. Like, I'm focused. I have focus. It's a skinny white kid using the word focus

who's still got the taste of that chalky cocaine in his throat. And he's like, I'm focused, bro. I just got to fucking stick with it this time tell her meet me at fucking 250 chel. Chelsea Lynn is the best version of me. She's Tim Dillon's final form, I think. I grow into Chelsea Lynn at the end. You face me as Goro at the end. From District 12, it is Tim, Trailer Trash, Tammy.

I love it. What happened to the little twink Asian you had? The second day he comes to work, he brings an assistant. He said, this is my assistant. Fuck yeah. Yeah. Hell yeah. Well, they're all on drugs.

The kids? Or just Asians? Gay Asians are on drugs. Oh, really? Yeah. Like Molly? Oh, yeah. They're on a lot of drugs.

Molly, Adderall, Crystal Math. Oh, really? Yeah. Like Molly? Oh, yeah. They're on a lot of drugs. Molly, Adderall, crystal meth. Oh, wow. Yeah. Even in Nashville? Oh, yes, Brandon. Yeah, they make it there. They have the barns. They have the space.

That makes sense. The Ohio. Yeah, a lot of the barrels are here. Yeah, right. Yeah, the methylamine is there. Dude, I've seen them. You can see it. When you drive by certain areas, you can smell it.

You can see them almost out there in the fields, like, just with the blow dryers on the barrels, you know? Now, Jelly Roll might be the head chef out there for all that shit, though. Yeah. Look, he doesn't strike me as a chef. He definitely strikes me as somebody who dines, though. He's on the other end of the chefdom. Do you know Jelly Roll at all, Tim? I don't know Jelly Roll at all.

Oh, you guys would get along great. Who's Jelly Roll? He's a rapper, white rapper out there, big Jelly Roll. Oh, I just love you. Everything I've heard so far, I like. Brendan, you look good. You look like a fucking hit man for a hype church, Brendan. There's Jelly Roll.

There's Jelly Roll. How's he doing? You know. Oh, his doctor told me he can't drink anymore. He goes, that's not an option. He goes, all right, if you're going to drink, it has to be tequila. So he stays in tequila. Why can't he drink?

Liver? Yeah. But few health problems with my boys. Brendan looks like a fucking trans sofa cushion if you look at him. This girl's bad. Oh, that's Shelly Roll. You look like you're doing well Theo out there Your outfit looks like you're having no problems

Thank you man I'm doing golf later on You look like you're going to break into a church You look like a youth minister who takes it very seriously And everyone's a little uncomfortable We love you Jesus Christ Yeah like you're getting in everyone's face It's a little early in the morning for that level of intensity We love you jesus christ yeah like you're getting in everyone's face it's a little early in the morning for that level of intensity we really want the kids have a relationship with

god but is this completely necessary is this energy what we need right now you look like carl lentz's fucking spiritual advisor yeah yeah i used that joke last week brendan and you look tim looks like somebody who wishes he hadn't agreed to this a few weeks ago. That's not true. I look like Chelsea Lynn's husband. Me and Chelsea Lynn would be the most popular couple at Golden Corral. It's just like people would come to our table like they were talking to the Godfather. Tim, how are you feeling, man?

Do you think it's a coincidence Trump gets banned from Twitter and social media and you get banned from Airbnb? I was banned from Airbnb. I went to Airbnb in the desert. Two lesbians had put together an Airbnb with furniture that no one could sit on, right? Like art pieces. But I had fat people with me, so they couldn't sit in the chairs or anything. We all had to just stand out there in the middle of the desert. It was really embarrassing.

And we left some dishes in the sink. That's all we did. Didn't break anything. I mean, look at this. Look at that. That's what you had to sit on. Every piece of furniture, like, sodomized you as you sat on it. Like, that's how fucked up it was.

Look at that. That's a chair. It's ridiculous. So then these lesbians, I threatened to kill them. I texted them. I said, I was going to burn down your house. They said, are you threatening me? I said, let's just see what happens.

I then texted them. I said, let the games begin, ladies. You have no idea who you're fucking with. Then Airbnb kicked me off. Now, did they file a formal complaint, or airbnb follow the story i imagine these because i spoke about it on my podcast i said i wanted to gas them locked them in their house gas them and watched them like like paw at the windows like cats very much like the patriot have you seen that scene in the patriot yes that's what i want thank you yeah so that's where we're at with that

i'm removed from airbnb but but I will set up my producer. We'll just set it up under his account, and I'll use VRBO. I don't give a shit. Wow. So you're switching. Those ladies, watch your back. Watch your back. Have the fans been harassing them?

Do we know their profiles and shit? Probably. I don't know what my fans do. I don't know what people do. I don't know if they're sending messages. No, they had to go private on instagram and they had to and they had to uh you know turn off comments on a page because they trashed me on a public forum which is airbnb and i am just using my opportunity as a citizen of this country your voice to speak freely against these two lesbians who are not designers not artists not not interesting. They are goofy bitches.

And, you know, we're locked in a war. And fuck Airbnb, too. And fuck Airbnb. They're not letting the terrorists stay in the Airbnbs that want to do the Civil War for the inauguration. It's fucked up. They want to pay the terrorists want to pay the money. Look, I grew up around a lot of CWRs,

man, and we used to go and, you know, we'd picnic out there and eat at them and watch the battles, you know. And so, you know, it's not surprising that a lot of those guys are still left and they want to, you know, get out and about and they have that energy inside of them. Right. But, and that's Civil War reenactments too. You mean Civil War reenactments. Like that's who's coming out to like climb into Capitol. Dudes that are like out there in the fields.

Yeah. Yeah, I took it a little too serious it didn't go well and also look a lot of yeah there's a lot of you know lesbians with the expendable income and they're doing the extra home you know when they have the they call them the dickless angry a lot that's what it is no lesbians are they're very angry and they take every job they do seriously. Even if it's the worst job in the world, a lesbian pretends like she's the national security advisor. So she could be restocking vending machines, and she acts like it's the most essential, critical job ever being performed. And it's just they're power-obsessed beasts, really. Why do you think you have issues with lesbians? Do you think you would have issues if they were just straight people? I have issues with gay men, too.

I have issues with straight people. I have issues with people that don't respect me. And their names are Jonah and Mila. Can you imagine Jonah and Mila? How do you respect? Their Airbnb photo is them sitting with their Weimaraner in, like, big hats. Are they hot? With, like, a cake.

I do not feel like they're hot. No, but I just don't. I don't want to get too much trouble here because I probably will get a letter from a lawyer within a day or two. And their dog is probably named Elizabeth Smart. They always have a dog that's named after like a, you know, someone that's been through a lot, you know?

Yeah, we're just over, I'm over the whole lesbian attitude of like very serious, severe. Like we're very competent and we have good credit. It's like who gives a fuck? You're going to hell like everyone else. Yeah. Theo, you have any issues with lesbian or are they all good with you because you look like them?

First of all, Brendan, you look like a fucking. Get it out, buddy. I don't have it. That's the problem. I've used it all on so many episodes of this show. But I do want to say yes. I feel like I'm okay with lesbians, man, but I've never... Look, I'll be honest.

My first interaction with lesbians, we had a couple of lesbians live across the street from us. And they used to try to sync their lights up with the radio station, and they couldn't make it happen. And it was crunch time. It was Christmas Eve. And they ended up fist fighting in the yard, and one of them worked at the library. And ever since then, and I did donuts in their fucking yard a couple days later. And ever since then, we've been on the rocks. But what gets me is why lesbians are so angry at straight men.

What gets me is why lesbians are so angry at straight men. And I think that Tim is just, you know, like there's a lot of, you know, there's a lot of, you know, chatter on the dark web and stuff these days. Where is Tim's sexuality even lies? So I don't even think they looked at you. I think they looked at you as like, you know, Tom Cruise's fucking arrogant younger brother. You know, they looked at me as a straight guy. I do have a wife and kids. I don't think there's a problem with that. I identify as gay in this community that we're in.

I do have a wife and kids that live in suburban New Jersey. I own a family-style Italian restaurant, and it's called Rigatoni's, and we're very happy. But when I live in L.A., I'm a homosexual. And I'm going to come out as trans very soon. That's coming. But no, these lesbians looked at me as a straight man, a grotesque middle American straight male pig who defiled their fucking art piece in Jewel Box in the desert. And the reality is that I expose them as frauds.

And I've done it to the world now i've exposed them as frauds as these talent because that's what lesbians are they're talentless men that's what they are no offense to them they're for the most most of them are are grunting tim allen you know home improvement pigs and i've exposed them is that you can put on any funny hat you want. I know what you are. You're a demon from hell. So when I come out and tell everyone in the world that I can't go to Airbnb anymore, and that's not right. That's not right. Do you think they're going to catch on?

You know how Trump got banned from Twitter so he started using another account? Do you think they're going to ban your producer, too? Now it's going to fuck it up for him? I don't give a fuck. I've got a legion of Patriots. I call my fans the Patriots. I mean, Airbnb has a headquarters, I'm sure. We'd love to get in there with some Viking horns on

and let everybody know what's going on. Do they advertise on the show? I don't care. We'd like to go over to Airbnb, say hello to everybody, let them know how we feel. The Patriots. Send me in. I'll Shawshank through the damn shit pot, daddy.

Send me in. Yeah, Theo will be the front leader there, man. Yeah, Iots. Send me in. I'll Shawshank through the damn shit pot, daddy. Send me in. Yeah, Theo will be the front leader there, man. Yeah, I'll send Theo right in. I'll come out two months later into the wrong

office. I'll show up in a fucking Dunkin' Donuts with a Brooks Mazier t-shirt on. Hey, as long as people get scared,

the point of terror is always terror. So, as long as people get scared, that's fine with me. San Fran, that's an easy drive

for you and your Patriots. Wait a minute, it's headquartered in San Fran and the two lesbbians got kicked out things are connecting in my head now yeah things are starting to make sense yeah and what i don't like about today's lesbians and i'm gonna say i'm gonna go up and straight up and say it is when i was young a lot of lesbians knew about um astronomy you know it was their big thing. It was like the last star, the fucking stardust of Christ and all this shit.

And now they don't even fucking know their roots anymore. They don't know anything. It's a lot of arrogance. It's a lot of coffee table books and hard pussy. When I grew up, lesbians knew about cars. They knew about shortwave radios.

They were creatures from Stephen King novels. And they fully embraced and they used to communicate, like the movie Frequency, with other fucking dimensions through the shortwave radio. Tell me about your life. I'm a cop. Now lesbians, they don't know how to do that. It's all frozen yogurt and eating puss.

Yeah, that's it, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's gotten... It's all frozen yogurt and eating puss yeah that's it dude and yeah yeah it's gotten it's all frozen pussy man it's gotten sad dude and a lot of them are even putting drop like uh they'll throw a damn downy dryer sheet into their pussy just to tighten it up absolutely and i don't and i don't like and i hate it when my wife does it yeah me too, man. Brenda, you look like a fucking sous chef at a meth lab, dude. And Tim, Tim looks like his shirt cannot ever decide what size it is. But Tim, we're happy you're here today, man.

Thank you so much for coming in and helping fill in for us, man. My shirt size is king size because it's from a catalog. So whatever size it is, it's for a king. It's for a king. It's called king size. That's a catalog. Thank you. Your shirt looks like it rapes those untuck it shirts. You know things are going well

when you're shopping out of a catalog. Catalog, yeah. You know things are going really well when you're now shopping. You have to open your mail to shop the most important thing in life is sleep man and with everything going on today politics your relationship the drama going on in your life you need good sleep and it all starts with your mattress if you got a bad mattress you're not relaxing, you're not fresh for the day, so I got some for you.

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Look good, smell good, feel good with Manscaped. Oh, it's getting good, dude. What's this gentleman want, Nick? I thought we'd kick it off with this guy. He's kind of shooting his shot with Brendan. With me? Trying to fuck Brendan? I respect that.

Unless he might be using code. He didn't say fuck. Does he have an Airbnb? Right. What's up, King and the Sting? What's up, Theo looking the adorable? What's up, Nick, Chain of Cats? Shout out Culture Corner.

Shout out Muscular Tyler, the creator over there. Looking more like Tyler, the creatine Chappelle. I am shooting my shot with you, Brendan the Shabasaurus Rex. Shabasaurus. I am a male massage therapist. I do got beef with male massage therapists, man. So let me change your mind.

I should be seeing you in April in Newcastle, me and my wife. And I'll roll up with all my gear, dude. I'll give you the best back massage of your life. Yeah. Gang gang, foot rub. Well, that is enticing. He's from the pamper lounge.

Yeah. I don't know, man. I prefer female masseuse. I like them big, too. Big Russians breathe hard, take all the oxygen in the room. It's hard for me to relax with male masseuse i like them big too big russians breathe hard take all the oxygen in the room uh i just not it's hard for me to relax with male masseuse now theo hires some poor asian feller and pays him 40 to do god knows what to him every time he's in la talking about oh you got to try

this out man 40 fucking dollars theo you cheap those those guys are named BK and PK and are up at Westwood Boulevard and that's Siri Foot Spa and they're shut down right now because of the damn disease. But I will say this. When I first got to town, they had a couple of Vietnamese guys for $60 would beat the fuck out of you

in one of those dog bite suits downtown. And no joke, bro. I remember it was good. Doesn't he finish by doing like a backflip on your ass or something like that Theo no he would backflip and land right at the fucking small of your back and you could barely feel him $40 man

that's Christ bro you go to the spa Tim I have not I mean I used to go get a massage but now we can't I mean you can have somebody come to the house you hanging out with Bieber who you spying with, huh? You there with Trey Songz? Who the fuck are you spying with, big dog?

Well, I go to the spa with a lot of different people. And yes, most of them are rappers or athletes. And I don't want to make you jealous, but that is a community that I find myself in and the community that appreciates what I do. I know you hang out with Jeremy Shockey. I know the kind of fucking guys you hang out with. Yeah, it's just...

What a reference. Yeah, Jeremy Shockey. What an old school reference. Just pulls it right out. No, I would like to have a guy come to the house and do massages. You'd do that. That'd be good. I'm just not trying to go to like...

I don't want to go to like Koreatown and get massaged in a chicken coop. I'd rather go have someone come to my house. Asians are the safest way to go, though, man. Walk on your back, feed you a little soup. Oh, yeah. Dude, don't hide under your arm and fucking do your text. I don't need to be seen from the Golden Child.

I just want to feel better. Theo goes, $40, a little soup, a little walk on the back, kicking the nuts. You know what me and Arshafir used to do all the time? We used to go to like Schvitz at the, like the, Schvitz? Yeah, the steam rooms in New York City. Oh, yeah. The Russian baths, the Turkish baths. Yeah.

You ever go to those? It's just like fat old Russian dudes like sitting and it's just so hot and crazy. It's good for your skin. You got to watch your words around there though. You got to watch your words around there. You got, because you know, it's tough.

Oh, you can only use the N word in there. I know that dude, that is N word central. You can drop it wherever you want in that. That is a word that is very welcome there. Yeah. You can use that.

Yeah. It's not frowned upon there. It's not frowned upon at all. In fact, they say it when you walk in, they just look at you, they say N word and you have to say, you have to say it.

And that's how they know you're okay. Yeah, it's like when ants touch their tentacles together. That's what it is. Tim, a lot of what I've seen of you with the – I want to go back to this Airbnb. Were you doing fancy meals at these places? No, I was doing a very traditional meal. We had burgers. I make a signature burger, which a martin potato roll uh a burger

sauteed onions barbecue sauce and american cheese but i sauteed the cheese in the onions so if it comes like a cheese sauce it's stupidly good sign me up we did that we did baked beans in a pot and the beans do explode at a certain heat that's not my fault that's science and we did gorton's fish you know the planks of Gorton's Fish? Trust the Gorton's Fisherman. Those are fish sticks. Planks of Gorton's Fish and tartar sauce. So it smelled very pungent. It was a very strong smell.

And then we got a bunch of pints of ice cream to have a tasting of ice creams. But again, I'm paying a $400 Airbnb cleaning fee. So why aren't you cleaning the fucking thing? Get paid $400. cleaning the fucking thing get paid 400 fucking dollars clean the fucking airbnb what is the deal now with the cleaning people having attitudes at the airbnb yeah you know it's crazy some lady wanted me to help her uh they didn't she didn't have windex or anything she was basically cleaning just by kind of sage i think she was using like a witch yeah my maid is such a fat, lazy piece of shit.

Me and her will stand in the kitchen, and we're both eating pumpkin loaf, and no one's doing anything. I'm like, I just got another version of me. And she talks on her phone all day with her fucking sister. Is it a Bluetooth? Oh, yeah. Yeah, she's on her Bluetooth all day with her sister.

She's scamming and scheming, and her sister's in Van Nuys, and they're trying to fucking figure shit out. She's always like, my husband's a gardener. You should use him. I'm like, bitch, you don't even do the job you're here to do. And she just walked. I don't think she cleans out.

She just walks around for three hours and then leaves. But what do I know? I don't want to be called racist, so I just give her money. Yeah. Oh, I tell people I'm racist straight up right when I meet them these days i'm tired of fucking you know i'm tired of them fine you know i'm tired of it leaking later right right you just want to be and i'm recovering i'm recovering racist anyway yeah it makes sense you're in a 12-step racist program deal yeah i'm on about the third step and let me just say there's a lot of brothers on the stoop.

You know what I'm saying, man? That's all I'm saying, bro. What else you got, Nate? Speaking of recovery, let's do some debate club. All right, what's up, fellas? I am from Walla Walla, Washington. My name's Alex. I'm out here on the Walla Walla river just doing some pheasant duck hunting

floating around having fun burying my wife so my debate club is which is harder to break the habit of cigarettes or the habit of that nography man you know the dirty dirty interwebs and we all know riley mouse a liar he says he doesn't struggle with it he's a little liar so yeah that's my uh that's my debate club so it's gang gang buzz buzz porn or cigarettes yeah harder to quit cigarettes cigarettes are much harder when do you want to quit porn unless you're a fucking psychopath like me. I mean, I think cigarettes are much harder because you can get stimulated sexually all kinds of different ways. But cigarettes, man, I've given up everything.

I've given up cocaine, morphine, methadone, Percocet, Demerol, fucking ecstasy, shrooms, all that stuff. All the good shit. Cigarettes are the hardest thing to not fucking want to do because you always look at a cigarette and it looks good it's a routine too right like the smoke going into your lungs i don't care about even smoking during the day but yeah leave him alone and you're in a nice backyard and you just you're trying to talk to someone to make a point having a cigarette just gives you something. Just gives you something, man. I'm struggling with alcohol. I'm 12 days clean now.

I'm taking January off. And last night I was jonesing, man. It's tough. God, it's terrible. I think we froze. Yeah, Theo froze or he's very committed to this bit. I was watching it the whole time. He's really committed to this.

It's tough to tell. Now, Theo would take a break off porn. He'll be like, oh, I'm four weeks straight without jacking off. If you can text people and have them send you videos of them doing dirty things. You're right. Is that porn? Yeah, that's a version of it. To my girlfriend.

What? I said to my girlfriend. That's considered porn. Well, of course. If you say to somebody hey send me a video of you doing something is that porn yes is it pornographic material it depends it's just they're just not if it's somebody you care about it might not be but i think if you just get in some random stranger and they're just hitchhiking in their own butt with their thumbs then yeah i

think it is no i'm talking about you meet someone online and you go i'll give i'll venmo you 75 for you to do something on camera and then send it to me that's oh that's big business yeah that's that's porn that's jerry from fucking the documentary the the chair documentary he's in prison for it but that's child porn yeah i'm talking about yeah you read it what kind of that's the craziest thing yeah you're right that's the craziest thing i've ever heard in my life he's like well actually what that actually is is uh we'll send you to jail not if they're of age but that would be considered porn right because you're receiving pornographic material yeah you're right from not from a professional that you're right it's amateur porn that but i'm directing it and telling them what to do that to me feels more like an organic

yeah we're saying you got to cut out all that oh yeah that's hard but cigarettes are so hard getting in small business small business what he's talking about yeah i'm talking about a startup where i have a gofundme yeah it's a startup where i'm trying to direct people and help yeah it's like directing through text message it's basically startup Where I'm trying to Direct people And help Yeah it's like Directing through text message It's basically See a lot of people say Porn's hard to quit But they've never smoked cigarettes

Or they've never had nicotine I'm addicted To nicotine myself Nicotine is tough How? What do you mean? Oh you vape? No fuck no

Would I look like 14? You pack a lift? Yeah you do look 14 That's dope as fuck Thanks bro You want some? No I just rather the butt Like I won't smoke all day And then at night Just that night? 14. That's dope as fuck. No, I just rather the butt.

Like I won't smoke all day. And then at night, at night, sometimes I sit in my backyard and you just looking at owls. Yeah. You just seen your backyard too, man. It's a smoker's yard. Yeah.

Your yard makes me want to smoke. It's a smoker. You just sit out there and you see an owl in the desert and you see a little bunny hop by and you just smoke a cigarette and you talk about QAnon. That's where I struggle at night, man. I want to drink at night. Night is tough, dude. Night's tough, man.

I was just in Vegas. It's so hard. What the fuck were you doing in Vegas? I wanted to go to dinner. Yeah. I wanted to go to dinner and I can't go to dinner in the state of California. So where'd you go in Vegas?

We went to the Wynn and I went to Manami Sushi Restaurant there and I went to Carbone in the Aria. Come on. And yeah, it was great. You're living, brother. I'm just trying, man. We went to Vegas. Now, Carbone, is that that lady's restaurant? Gia, what's her name? No, that's Giatas. It's called Giatas in Vegas.

Yeah. The attractive woman who pretends to be a chef. Yeah. She's kind of.ends to be a chef. Yeah. She's kind of. Yes. It's definitely the allure is leaving. I think a lot of people are going back to their grassroots of foods. I'm finding, you know, feel you struggle a little bit with a little little in England. They call them a fag.

The cigarettes, Brendan. Yeah. Yeah. The last fag I'm dealing with is in this room, and it ain't you, Timmy. I'll tell you that. Hey, thank you so much. Here's what I'm saying is, I don't even know what I'm fucking saying, dude. What is this Native American asking about?

What's up, gang? Listen, I have a king and a saint for y'all, okay? So doing my job, I set up the O'Varney Nashville, but doing my job shout out the ovon in nashville but doing my job i travel a lot um and with that i miss out on a lot of family time a lot of you know friend time people that i know close you know that live back at home and i don't get to spend any time with them and i know you guys deal with the same shit being that you guys go on the road and do shows. And it usually works out because it's better pay, right? So that's my question.

Is it better just to stay home, find work, and just struggle if you have to? Or is it better to travel, miss out on family time, but get better pay? Yeah. Gang, gang. Buzz, buzz, nigga. Buzz, buzz, nigga. boys let's start with brendan here because brendan's missed half of his children's life to be fucking performing in boise next week so what do you say brendan yeah that's true yeah the pandemic made me realize i tore too much man so i cut it down

to two weekends a month moving forward i used to do three to four right so i cut it down to two so i'm around my kids more but theo you don't have to i mean you just own a fucking backpack so you can tour all year long yeah that's true man you're right i think what this guy is saying is first of all i like where this guy's at this is the kind of guy you need help with we don't need to be storming a capital we need to storm at&t we need need to storm fucking Dunkin' Donuts headquarters. We need to storm Zabara. We need to store. Tech is the new fossil fuels, guys.

Okay? And so we need to be storming places that it hits them in the wallet. Now, this guy's question is, should he work or raise his family? Oh, yeah. My bad. Sorry. I kind of diverted. What do you say there, Tim? That's his question.

Should he work or raise his family? Yeah. Well, I would think diverted. What do you say there, Tim? Well, that's his question. Should he work or raise his family? Yeah. Well, I would think that he could maybe both. Yes. Find a happy balance. I mean, that might be a good idea. Like, this guy, I think he wants us to co-sign his decision of, like, just abandoning his family so he can fucking fix cell phone towers. I'm like, dude, you got to check in on the fam every now and then, you know.

Yeah, maybe chill out on them. It's the craziest question I've ever heard. He's like, hey, guys, I work a lot and I travel. I want to know, do I still have to talk to my family? It's like, yeah, dude. I'm putting up all these 5G towers, man. Yeah. I haven't seen my son in three years.

Yeah. Do I technically have to, like, see and speak to my family? I mean, I have a job. I have a job. Why would I? Yeah, dude, do both. Yeah. Do I technically have to see and speak to my family? I mean, I have a job. I have a job. Why would I? Yeah, dude, do both. Yeah. That's not a bad thought.

That's a decent suggestion, Tim. Tim, also, I just realized, looks like the Poseidon of fucking Key West, Florida right now. Let me tell you right now, there's no place I'd rather be sitting there eating a conch fritter, drinking a Don Julio Blanco white tequila on the rocks and uh just sitting there and uh talking about a marina that i wish i had the balls to burn down because they fucked me over on a boat slip literally where i want to be i would turn to somebody i'll be smoking a cigarette and i'll be like they gave the last slip away I said if I was more of a man I'd go down there and I'd burn that fucking thing down myself

I'm in brother yeah I think for this young fella man you gotta if you have a family bro you gotta see him man and also if you're AT&T you could build a landline right to your house so then no matter where you are at work you could clock in be right there with your kiddos and that's digital that's all digital wireless built from the ground up bro good evening everybody let's say this if you sell stuff online you know it's tricky you know you got to get the sale you

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when you use promo code K-A-T-S. Just pay $5 shipping. That's B-L-U-E-C-H-E-W.com promo code K-A-T-S. We've got a Sink My Ink. We're going to look at some people's tattoos and you guys let us know what you think. This guy looks like he's about to show us his dick.

Yeah, this could get weird. What up, Brennan? What up, Theo? This is Nick from Knoxville, Tennessee. Got a little sink my ink for you. My wife, she likes those personal name and date we got married hitters. Me, myself. I like that buzz buzz.

Damn. And that rat buzz and that rat king that rat king also got the kids initials on here the fourth one is the one that's on it's way so in honor of that baby season baby season

the king of the stink tats were dope. The rest of them look like straight-off Ed Hardy t-shirts. Yeah, the rest of them are prison tattoos. I'm not wrong on that, right? The old sailor tats. Yeah. There's a beautiful young man right here with his family.

What advice do you have for this family moving forward, you feel like, Tim? Bringing a new child into the world. Well, you know, I think that they they seem happy and they seem like they're fans and they seem like good people uh statistically it's going to be a rough road but i mean if you look at the data and the facts and the numbers not all those kids are going to make it to where they want to go uh you just hope let's just say. You just hope that whatever happens, it happens quickly. Yeah, I agree. You want something to happen.

Just hope it's quick. Yeah. You know, I'd rather a Ferris wheel accident than nine years of a heroin addiction where I have to barricade myself in the bathroom because my son is banging on it trying to steal my back medication. So just hope one day one of them crosses the street and it's over quickly well that's positive yeah and i thank you for listening no and i love that and thank you tim for being honest the last thing you want is to be sitting there fucking eating a can of baked beans while your kid spends his last 12 dollars on

fucking pain pills, making intervention audition tapes. It's the last thing you want. Oh, yeah. Yeah. How many people don't make it on intervention, bro? Dude, where are the intervention out? The ones that didn't make it. Yeah, the outtakes.

Why haven't you made that video? Please make that video for us, Tim. My favorite show when I was on drugs and drunk was to watch Intervention. It makes you feel better about your habits. It makes you feel good because you're like, no one's getting me yet. Yeah, that's why I like 600-pound life. Makes me feel good. Dude, Darren Aronofsky has a new movie coming out called The Whale

about a guy who's 600 pounds, can't leave his house, and everybody's mad at him about it, and they're all trying to cancel him because they're like, oh, what is it not healthy to be 600 pounds? So that's that. I'm excited about that, man. Do you feel like Airbnb tried to cancel you, Tim? Do you feel like. I believe that what's going on behind the scenes right now at a lot of these tech companies is that there is unfortunately a they're reactionary they're just like they're

just basically doing things without thinking about it there's no due process i can't defend myself i'm given a very general and vague um you know like if they had said to me like hey you threaten to kill those two women i would go all right that is on me but they didn't even do that they just banned they're like bro you threatened to burn a house down i'd go well hey i get it i i was to defend myself you know uh that i was speaking metaphorically and i was you know being a comedian um but they're not even doing that they're saying i like very vague guidelines i don't even know what they are that I violated. It's like, you know, it's just these women.

Yeah, you were up too late in the pool, and you're like, they didn't even have a fucking pool. Yeah, I mean, at the end of the day, I will kill both of these women. And that's just what I'll say. Still gave them five stars, though. I gave them five stars. I'm not five stars i gave him five stars i'm not a rat they texted me and said give us a good review they said the cleaning lady's a little unhappy lol hope you had a good time give us a good review so we stay on airbnb they're not allowed to do

that i i gave him a good review because i'm not a rat okay they then ratted on me and now they've opened the gates of hell. I'll show up with the Westboro Baptist Church to the Airbnb. WBC, baby. This is like the Untouchables, dude. This is kind of like the Untouchables meets Weekend at Bernie's, I feel like. It's a war. And would you say Game On, hoes?

I texted them yesterday as soon as I got banned from Airbnb. I said, I'll tell you exactly what I texted. Did you say, welcome to the game? Yeah, I said, this is just the beginning. Welcome to the game. Hell yeah. So, I mean, I hope that they understand what they've done and that they've awakened a sleeping giant. Yeah, they go, is that a threat?

Yeah, I'm like, we'll see what happens. Yeah, I don't know. They're probably sitting in a garden somewhere teaching classical violin to each other's vulvas right now. Yes, exactly what they're doing. And I just want to let them know that accidents happen all the time, man. Amen, baby. Properties burn down.

People get in car accidents. People have weird prescription drug interactions. People just end up dead on kitchen floors And no one knows why Yep, accidental anthraxing via drone Right, that's the whole thing They could go to get a COVID vaccine And find out it wasn't

I don't know Let's move on to another Sink My Ink Wait, did we help that last guy? Oh, his tattoos look good Congratulations on the family, brother. That's beautiful. Beautiful. It's good to know a lot of men are out there and still have deep working semen.

A lot of men do not. You included? I would bet the under on my own seed. Yeah, if you haven't had anything yet, deal. No one looking to win. I haven't had anything yet. Swim or swim. One scare in north dakota

yeah i did have a scare with a native american girl years ago who won it who immediately after engagement uh you know was said she would have the child i'm like and it was a layover flight i'm like i'm not being a layover dad you know like i'll be a direct flight dad but i'm not being a layover dad. I'm going to pay my taxes. You're going to get your money through the government or whatever. We're going to fucking call it a wrap. What layover is in North Dakota?

It was through St. Louis. She drove 11 hours to meet me from St. Louis from a reservation. Good on her, man. It was a Hyatt Select or one of those Hyatt, like the bootleg Hyatt kind of? The Hyatt Park Place or something. I'll tell you what,

I don't know what the betting odds on that baby having a drinking problem, but pretty high. Yeah, and then she drove off into the night and then I almost got worried that she was going to kill my son, bro. She had just driven 11 hours. Those were different times. Well, how did that – is there an Indian Theo Vaughn out there or what?

A little Blackfoot roaming the streets? I hope so, bro. I hope so, man. Let's see what Brian has to say. I like how Nick just outed you. He's told it out of the pod. What's up, Brian? I'm DeLeon coming straight out of Dallas, Texas.

Had to sneak away from work to make this video. Hopefully I don't get fired, but if I made it on the show, it ought to be worth it. So what do you think about this dude's tattoo? A little Sink My Ink. Does he look like the hardest guy at a Taylor Swift concert? Or does he look like a guy at the bottom of a mosh pit at a Taylor Swift concert? Shout out to my boy Theo. I saw you a couple years ago at the Addison Improv. Hooked me up with a selfie.

Shout out to my girl Kat. About a year ago, I slid in them DMs confessing my love for you. Still ain't heard a response. It's all love. It's all good. Gang, gang. Butt fuzz. Gang, gang, baby.

Thank you, Brian, for the submission. And this is obviously a cry for help. What's great is not only the monster tattoo, but the ass that you learn how to make when you're in fourth grade you see that like s that you draw on marble notebooks in the back of chemistry class yeah man like that trapper keeper yeah whatever right on a trapper keeper like i don't even know i don't know what the what the rationale behind the s is but also how much monster you have to drink to put a corporate sponsor you think that's a real tattoo or do you think that's a thing with marker?

Ah, man. Can we zoom in on that, Nick? And it's red as shit. Yeah, it's probably a tat. It looks pretty official. I feel like that's a real nostalgia. That's a tat. Yeah, he's all red around it.

It looks real. Have you guys heard that Monster is like a satanic drink? These are supposed to be like the three dashes are like the six letter. They mean like six in Hebrew or something. And it's supposed to be the market by this. Dude, how sad would it be if Satan came back to earth? He's like,

all right, so who's, how are we keeping my name alive? They're like, ah, well, there's a few aspiring DJs drinking a drink that has to do with you. He's like, what?

He's like, so what have we been doing? They're like, we got a shitty energy drink that is sponsoring professional skateboarders. Professional skateboarders and me? I was sponsored by Monster for, I don't know, four years. Well, Satan would be very disappointed in that, by the way. Satan's like, who are we working with? Maniscalco? We got CK? They're like in that, by the way. Satan's like, who are we working with? Maniscalco? We got CK?

They're like, nah, we're supporting. We got Brendan Schaub. Satan's like, what? I don't get it. Budget cuts, bubba. Satan's like, all right, whatever, man. Oh, the official drink of PTSD right there. That's that PTSD smoothie.

Everybody that has PTSDtsd drinks monster bro yeah there's definitely a correlation there those are monster energy official drink of a guy smoking a parliament light outside of a rehab looking at someone else and going listen man it's gonna be different this time that is exactly the official drink like i'm focused i have focus it's like it's a skinny white kid using the word focus a million who's still got the taste of that chalky cocaine in his throat and he's like i'm focused bro i just gotta fucking stick with it this time you got this bro you got this bro it monster is basically Fuck Tart Syrup Yeah That shit is fucking Give it to your children people

That's what we need Give it to your fucking children And then mail them to Nancy Pelosi What do we have to do here? Let's move on to some King of the Sting Hey what's up guys I'm a big fan of the show And I draw from time to time,

so I want to know your real opinion on fan art. Is it weird? Is it creepy? Let me know. King it or sting it. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. I'm a fan, man, especially if you're talented. I got some beautiful fan art of me and my friend who's a cat. It's gorgeous fan art, dude. Is that friend who's a cat uh and it's gorgeous fan art dude like so is that oscar yeah oscar yeah i mean i got some fan art uh i i'm a big fan of the fan art if it's

done well sometimes fans will just send me like a circle with little feet and a head and it says timmy d i don't love that put a little effort into it, you said. Send me that, Nick. Text me that. Will do. Yeah, that's beautiful, man. Who is this artist, Nick? Can you shout him out? He's good.

Yeah, this is Diego Loya from Lindsay, California. Diego Loya. That's beautiful, man. Wow. Here's the Rat King one. That's dope. Off the top rope. That's really dope. That's great. I got to get's really dope it's great i gotta get off twitter twitter's become the hampton it's not even that it's like the ramada of basically of liberals

social media your twitter is getting real bad it's getting pretty toxic everybody on twitter is upset about something like everything you say on twitter there's 20 people fighting about it like it's it's so stupid it's like it's not healthy there's no goodwill on twitter anymore like no goodwill you could be like you could be like hey man uh i've got cancer and the first response is hey fuck you like dude what happened to this site you know twitter's the monster energy drink of social media that's exactly right oh good call brendan wow brendan uh more king or sting it's b.o shaw brendan vaughn what up this is tyler from virginia beach big fan i got a king it or sing it or maybe even a rip my drip for you you decide the 80s are coming back That's why everyone's rocking these ridiculous ass sunglasses, right?

So I got one for you. Brandon, you're all about that high fashion. That's why you stay rocking that romper, right? So how you feel about dudes bringing it back? Bringing back that men's crop top. Ooh. Ooh. That half t-shirt hitter.

Hitter, baby. Gang, gang. Buzz buzz. Ooh, crop tops tough to pull off. What do you think of this, baby. Gang, gang. Buzz, buzz. Ooh, crop tops tough to pull off. What do you think of this man? When you see this man, Tim, what do you think of this man? Well, it's not tough for him because he sucked dick for coke. Now, that's not a gay man, but he has sucked dick for a gram of cocaine.

So that is the perfect outfit. On the segue, he says, hey, I'm not gay, but I will suck dick for coke in Virginia Beach. So if you're a businessman and you're at a convention somewhere in virginia and you're staying at a hotel and you find yourself on a certain website at a certain hour of night uh that guy's showing up to your hotel room and uh you're gonna get to suck this guy off and you're gonna give him 200 and he's gonna leave and he's gonna go to fucking uh waffle House and just fucking live. That's exactly what that guy's life is.

And by the way, if it isn't, it should be and it's tragic. It's sad or if he's not doing that. This guy will give you a blowjob with his butthole. I know that. I'm going to tell you, speaking of Waffle House, I took my sister who I hadn't seen in a year and a half. We met up at Waffle House over the holidays. And we sit in there.

We have some coffee. We finally order. A woman comes over, a young woman of different dialect maybe. And she's like, we're like ordered. She's like, can't you fucking see the chef quit a half hour ago? We're like, oh, fuck. No, we can't. We didn't notice that. It's Christmas Eve. We're sitting in here. And we're like, well, fuck. No, we can't. We didn't notice that.

It's Christmas Eve. We're sitting in here and we're like, well, do you know when she's going to be back? She'll be like, well, Tiffany's outside smoking and she ain't fucking happy right now.

Well, we'll wait. We'll wait. So we waited, bro. But anyway, yeah, this guy definitely looks like Postmates for his own. He looks like Postmates for his own. He looks like Postmates for his own semen. That's what he looks like.

Yeah. I mean, this is the definition of if that was your son. Oh, dude. If that was your son. Let me tell you right now. If that was your son and you had to look at that guy rather than storm the cat i mean the level of drunk you would have to be i mean just down syndrome drunk like can't even feel your spine drunk every time you see that man that guy at thanksgiving l5s what i don't know

dude yeah i agree with you man that guy look first all, I think the guy's a beautiful, seemed like a nice guy, beautiful young guy, you know, obviously trying to get through college, trying to make it after college. Maybe. Yeah, there's no way. I don't think so, Bubba. He's never gone anywhere near a college. We just count down the days to spring break. Yeah, maybe best case he's in a technical school by the side of a highway.

Best case he's learning to be an air conditioning repairman at a technical school, which he hasn't showed up to in two weeks. And his mother has left cell phone messages saying, we're fucking paying for this. We're paying for ITT tech. Yeah, Brett, we're paying for this. Are you doing okay? This is the type of guy that disappears for a year. He uploads song lyrics at 1 a.m. on Facebook. Then everyone's like, oh, he's in trouble.

The comments on the page are like, where are you? He disappears for a year, and then he reemerges with a blurry photo of himself standing on a hill and a Bible quote. That's who this guy is. That's his t-shirt. Holy shit, man. Holy shit, dude. Yeah, definitely, man.

Oh, man. Bro, this guy seems like he could get a job as a crystal ball at Richard Simmons' birthday party. That guy is not really doing too well. But he seems like a nice guy, man. And look, man, we're happy you sent in a video, bud. Thanks for sending the video. So we're kinging crop tops, it sounds like?

It's a sting for me. Now that's a question. You think king it, Brendan? No, sting, sting, no crop tops. Well, pick one, man. Fucking pick one. There's only two of them. I said Sting, bro. Okay, I thought you said King. My bad, man.

These speakers are bad. Sorry, man. Let's see what this guy has to say. What up, Cats fam? Quick King it or Sting it for you. Ghosts at the Comedy Store. I'm currently watching the Ghost Adventures episode, and they're at the Comedy Store. So, yeah.

You guys ever had anything happen to you guys but can you understand it gang gang ghost ghosts go on you guys go first i i will say in terms of just creepy things at the comedy store i felt like a weird like a banshee you know what a banshee is yeah it's like an irish like i felt like a weird like feminine energy You know what a banshee is? It's like an irate, like I felt like a weird like feminine energy that was very like chaotic and bad and dark and evil.

That's Whitney. That was Whitney. And it was Whitney Cummings. So that's, you gotta be very careful. That's what I'm saying. Look, man man there is well fucking everybody

that worked there has died recently I mean first of all Jeff Scott died the gay you know semi-moderate dude how did he die who knows

allegedly gay you know he was alcoholic also got AIDS once but you know he was doing good but he he died how did he die he died it's so sad dude how did he die doing good. But he died. How did he die?

It's so sad, dude. How did he die? He died about three days ago. Of what? Do we know what? No, some people said it was broken heart, man, honestly. I mean, for 25 years he was there. God, fuck, I had no idea.

He was a nice guy, man. He's part of comedy history, too. Damn, that's a real wish. I mean, just, man, that hit me hard, hard man uh yeah just heartbreaking that he passed away man and they don't know what he passed away from no it could have been complications from different issues that he had going on but he you're such a nice guy yeah man he was a great dude so many people that work there should die and it's sad that this guy died you know it's always the wrong ones yeah dang that's but there's a lot of ghosts i mean somebody killed themselves

next door because they didn't get paid over the years what else happened yeah he jumped off the hotel next to it he was a comic yeah people pissed off there's always a ghost of all the comedians being owed money that ghost is definitely milling around around here. We got another King or Stinger from this guy. Hey boys, I got a King in the Sting for you. This is going to go for Theo and Brendan. There's a gentleman named Tim Richman who used to rock a mullet for Theo

and he drives for NASCAR, fast cars with Brendan. Anyways, Tim Richman and NASCAR, they were shooting a photo shoot for all the top nascar drivers for a publicity shot so richmond pulls his front piece out and puts it right by neil bonnet's head for the picture now this picture made it all through the editorial services and uh went on to a big huge poster shipped all over the place so king or sting it front piece photo bomb buzz buzz dick pic wow what an epic dick pic is this in the 90s or some that guy's a gangster though he's right over here

the black guy just pulled out his big black dick it's on the left side i think zoom in over there a little. Yeah, I'm trying. It was right by the guy's ear. That's crazy. Oh, shit. Wow. Hilarious. What a legendary movement. What a gangster. Wow. That ear rest. Shake and bake, man.

Hell yeah. That ear rest right there. And the fact that they printed it everywhere. What a legend. It's a real hog. That's a good size hog. You know, I'll share a story. I was at this thing called Beta Breakers one time up in San Francisco

which has basically become really the it's really the I want to say it's become the Cairo of the alt-left and I was up there a few years ago on this thing called Beta Breakers and it's where people just do a run

like a big run through the what is it called where people drink water and keep running like a marathon marathon so it's at a marathon and we were out there just eating mushrooms we had a ton of mushrooms man enough to fucking really almost take you to the next level you know where you're trying to eat that many and uh all day i was taking pictures of people and we just let my penis out, dude, all day. So there's got to be at least about 150 pictures out there from this festival about 15, 12 years ago where it's just penis everywhere. Why do you have your dick out in all the pics?

Then we commandeered a water table, right? People were running by and they tried to come get water and we would say, no, Asians only. This is just for Asian people. And they were running so they couldn't argue with us. They had to keep going. Like, what do you mean? We're like, no, no, it's just Asians, dude.

But then Asian people were like, oh, they're good. So, you know, you do what you can. You do what you can. But yeah, that dick rest, dick pic, man, I love that, dude. Sneak a fucking D behind your buddy's ear. Yeah, a big black D behind that nerd's ear. Oh, Joe Rogan, dick pic, man. I love that, dude. Sneak a fucking D behind your buddy's ear. Yeah, a big black D behind that nerd's ear. Oh, Joe Rogan will eat that, bro.

Everybody kinged it. 81%. All right, one more King of the Sting, and then we'll see some Culture Corner auditions. Oh, damn, Mr. Steele, you're a girl. What's up, Theo? What's up, Brendan? It's your boy. I'm going to get a boosh. I'm saying is this, dude. I'm going, Brandon? It's your boy. Magarabush.

I'm saying is this, dude. I'm Magarabush. M-A-B-U-B-A-S-H. Yeah, Magarabush. Magarabush. Yeah. Magarabush. Magarabush.

Magarabush. First of all, Magarabush. I got a debate club for you as usual. Pooping, butt naked. No pulling the pants down bullshit. You know what I mean? No clothes at all.

I don't fuck with that. Personally, I feel like I have to poop butt naked. I don't need any distractions going on my body, you know, when I'm releasing. He goes on and he explains more reasons why he likes it. But my body, my body's telling me yeah, baby. I don't want to poop with no clothes on. I feel like it's more of a hassle taking all your clothes off and then put it back on.

Yeah, it's like if you're at your house, it's one thing in the middle of the night, but where is that appropriate when you're out to do is to get naked. It just seems. You know who else does that? When you're out. You can't poop when you're out to do is to get naked? It just seems. You know who else does that? When you're out. You can't poop when you're out and about, Tim.

Yeah. I'll take a shit on a plane. You absolutely can take a shit anywhere you want. Yeah. Some of the best shits are very quick shits at McDonald's where you look at the toilet and go, I have literally 20 seconds here before I get AIDS. Yes. So you go, I got to shit so quickly.

And then some of them are just, it's just like boom, boom. I lived in my car for a while right when I moved to LA. And I pooped in hundreds of McDonald's. I knew where the good ones are, Pasadena. I knew the McDonald's had outlets for my laptop. Oh, some of those Starbucks bathrooms were fantastic. You just lived in a car for how long? It was like, I didn't have, I wasn't on a lease for like six months when I i was here but i worked some job and the boss found out and he's like oh you could stay

in the warehouse so i yeah but sometimes i was like in my car when they just had him crowler knocked on the window he's like the problem is corporate regulation you're being prevented from starting your own business and you're like what yeah and then he fires me save a penny miss a dollar he turned into the man he fired you at a holiday party? No, it wasn't really him. That's a fun podcast to do, by the way. This is the Adam Kroll podcast. Ready?

Hey, Brendan, how you doing? I'm good. What have you been up to today? Castor oil, everybody. Make sure to go and fill up. I mean, it's just, he does 18 ads during the whole show. He'll be like, what do you think about Donald Trump? Anyway, Valvoline, it's like, it's all gearhead shit.

The guy just talks, he's making millions of dollars slinging engine oil, and you're just sitting there like an idiot. I like him, but I mean, it's like there's nothing to say. I love Adam. You don't get a word out, though. You get a word out. Not one word. Not one.

All right, tell him where you're going to be this weekend. Right, right. Right. Not one word. Not one. All right, tell them where you're going to be this weekend. Right. Hilarious. You know who shits completely naked he talks about all the time is Charlemagne. Oh, I didn't know. He seems like that. He seems like that kind of guy, though. What a weird move, man.

But animals do it. Good point. Good point. I do it every morning because I'm pretty regular and before I shower. Right, that's fine. We're not making this whole episode about you. Apologies. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I just don't think it's that weird pooping naked. But yeah, don't do it in public. But even in public, like taking your clothes off when you're at a fucking Starbucks? No, you can't do that. If there's something to put them on, if there's a piece of paper to put them on, I think it's fine. But I wouldn't do it if there's nothing on the ground. Well, there's other people waiting to go in there. Yeah, what are we doing here, man? Yeah, fuck them. We can't do that. If there's something to put them on, if there's a piece of paper to put them on, I think it's fine, but I wouldn't do it if there's nothing on the ground. Well, there's other people waiting to go in there. Yeah, what are we doing here, man?

Yeah, fuck them. We can't consider it. It's your turn. You got there. A Starbucks bathroom in the suburbs, that line is hot. Yeah, it is. Because there's women in there

that want to go in there crushing Addie. There's people that want to go in there and fucking do all kinds of things. There's just people that want to go into that bathroom and just put fucking, add a little fun to their coffee drink. So that bathroom line is like, it is hot. By those people, you mean me.

But do they, do you guys put down the, what kind of savage puts down the, you know that, like, the covering, the shield? Do you fight with the shield? Sometimes, dude. Really? Sometimes you gotta. Depends where you're at. Sometimes there's a stain on the seat and you don't know what it is. You're like, has that been there for a while how did it is that cigarettes what is its origin story and you need to fucking put down the covering the craziest to me is when you see the burn mark on the seat yeah that's a drug addict right is it i don't know i've never known what that is i like

the graffiti on the walls yeah Yeah, I like that. I'm trying to figure it out usually. Sometimes it's so bad you have to squat above it and shit above it without sitting down. Never. That's when it's really bad. No, never. I mean, well, good, you've lived a privileged life,

but there's some times where like... I risk it, dude. There's sometimes you walk into the bathroom and you're like, I don't want to touch it even. Never. Well, that's when the metal... Whenever you have the metal floor and it just forms into the toilet, there's no even disconnection between the floor and the toilet.

It's prison. That's bad. That's going to be bad. And that's in Denver at the bus station downtown. What's the best toilet you've ever, in the words of Carlton in Manhattan, they have these amazing toilets with wood toilet seats. I love that. I wouldn't know anything about that.

Wood toilet seat. Four seasons in Hawaii. Yeah, you'll see it. Oh, interesting. Because I'll sit on a good toilet for an hour and a half. And if I read, my feet go numb. Yeah, I sit on a good toilet for an hour and a half. Yeah, me too.

To the point where I can barely walk out of the hotel because I have so much pins and needles from blood circulation problems. Oh, yeah. My legs will fall asleep on a toilet for more than about 40 minutes. Yeah. It gets crazy. And then you're just crawling away from your own. You're just hearing it flush. You're crawling away.

It's like you're in a little Vietnam, like you're in a little Iwo Jima. Yeah. Just hearing the water, and you're crawling. This gentleman's in some stage of transition. Oh, Bill Cowher apparently is upset about last night's game. See, these are some Culture Corner auditions, and when Theo's back in studio, maybe we'll Zoom some of our favorites and kind of learn a little bit more about them. And you can help us pick here, Tim.

We're trying to bring some new culture into the Culture Corner so you can help us share. When you leave, we're going to bring two new people in. Thank you for commenting on our YouTube channel, Theo. That drives traffic. We really appreciate it when you do that. Oh, really? Did I do that? I think you commented on the YouTube channel something on our podcast.

We like that. But then Future commented, and your comment totally disappeared. Because everyone was like, oh, Future commented. That's a big deal. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's a big deal. Yeah, why do we want past over here when we got this guy? Yeah.

I feel you, man. I'll try to chime in a little bit more. I love your content, man. You're the best, dude. I appreciate it. Who is this? You're so entertaining. I went to two of your shows at Zany's when's when you're in uh oh thank you man i appreciate you

didn't say hi i did i saw tim i remember he was there he brought chelsea lynn in there yep brought chelsea lynn you know chelsea lynn walks in the green room i get real territorial about the snacks and i say everybody just keep an eye on everything i don't want to start accusing people of things but like let's just keep an eye on where everything is you know we got a certain amount of chips certain amount of cookies we got two shows to do let's not get crazy because we got a bear in a campsite we got two bears in the campsite right now and we just got to keep watch you know i tell my little opener my white trash dan carney who opens for me who thea likes because they're both like white trash um yeah i tell him i'm like just keep an eye on this big bitch

and did he get a wheelchair i was trying to get him that wheelchair hook up down in tampa he he never got a wheelchair but then he got covet he recovered from surgery he got covet so now he's just like has covet for three weeks he's been like he's just tired and you know just fucking living in Florida being tired and shit it's like you know he needs to uh yeah I have that wheelchair plug but I think it's closer to Sarasota I'll get

hit him back up about it I was supposed to plug him up with that dub C over there in Tampa yeah dude your opener needs a wheelchair no he did he wanted to go out because he wanted to go to the bars after surgery he wanted people to wheel him around to bars, and then he got COVID because he's an idiot going out to bars or whatever. And I get it, but it's three weeks. He's still kind of tired and listless and shit.

But, hey, man, that's what you get. That's what you get for not taking quercetin, which cures coronavirus. According to Joe Rogan, I called the doctor right after that, and the doctor said, there is no evidence of that. And he goes, that is very damaging information to spread. So he goes, I hope you're not telling that to a lot of people. I'm like, the guy who told me that is telling to tops 10 million people. It's not a big deal.

All right, Bill Cowher, what do you got? Merhaba, King in the Sting. Benim adem, Julian. Ben Turkum. Ve Kultur Corner katumak istiyorum. What? And you know what? My name is Julian.

I'm Turkish. And I... Hey. So what's up? You know, in my family, we got those slims. We got those Christians. I got that mullet right now, but I don't know what's up? You know, in my family, we got those Slims. We got those Christians. I got that mullet right now, but I don't know what's going on. And, you know, we actually run a coffee business.

And I was wanting to put a King and the Sting label on a coffee bag and work with you guys on it. I also want to sit in that culture corner. I'm in California. I can easily make that trip. And I want to make coffee for everyone in the studio. Again, my name is Julian. I'm ready to go. Let's go.

What the fuck is Culture Corner? People offering to make coffee? No, the Culture Corner is Chappelle and Kat. We fired them because you were coming in. Again, I don't need nine types of Asians here during a pandemic. They'll be back next week off the public bus. Yeah. Agreed, man.

I think we're doing just fine without him right now even though they're lovely assets to the show i i like them both they're great people they'll be back they'll be back next week you know maybe they're young they got young blood in their bodies yeah brenda goes yeah they're fine they've each had corona like eight times i said that's not a good statistic okay they both live in like a ymca'm like, let me just come and do this show that I agreed to do nine months ago. Please. Thank you. Thank you.

Look, we're just trying to get that Patreon money and move to Mars with Rogan. That's all we're trying to do. I just want to be on at least the third shuttle. I'm not going to make the first or second shuttle. Well, Rogan told me. He called me last night. He said, freshly fallen snow and maple syrup cures coronavirus. So,

don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Look, I just ordered six pounds of fresh ox anus off of the fucking Joe Rogan website. And I'm ready to see

my own future. This is like a young Danny Trejo, this guy. What do you think of, yeah, this sounds like a young Danny Trejo. A mouthed out Danny Trejo. Y'all What do you think of... Oh, yeah, this does look like a young Danny Trejo.

A mapped out Danny Trejo. Is this a gypsy curse? Is this dog face? Wow. Rip your trip, you wearing all black. There's nothing to rip. This looks like that image you hooked up with the North Dakota thing. Dude, they show us fans that I need to be consistent as people.

Like, they show has fans like it's the archetypes of them I had no idea are even still. How many Native American fans are there? You've got an entire

fucking reservation listening to this show. This is like the third. I mean, this is like the craziest. I don't even let Native Americans

listen to my show. They're like banned from listening to the show. That's a joke. This is like Wendy Williams on pills, dude. What is even going on here? He's auditioned to be in the culture corner? Yeah, yeah.

You got to sober up, Bubba. No, he's sober, man. He was speaking Navajo initially for the first like 14 seconds. And then I don't know. He's got to sing my ink, he said is that this guy definitely clown my hound that's alex right there a pembroke welsh corgi dude i love that he has a welsh he has the same dog the gang gang but he killed a real colonel to get it, I bet, dude. This guy, obviously, I remember this guy from the Patriot from the end where they help out. And I want to say, look, this guy has my vote, him, and those thick white boys from the first half.

This guy has my vote. This guy's a Native American, Brendan, from our country. Yeah, listen, I don't care how many Native Americans you hook up with, Theo. We can't have this guy in the corner, dog. Dude, that guy, I'll tell you right now, that guy should not be in the same zip code as either one of you. Is that Theo's son? I'd be very, very nervous about that.

I do like he did get a few points back because he has a Welsh corgi. I like that he got the whitest dog possible to make up for the fact that he's just a terrifying archetype of human being. He's like kind of Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean, but like the broke Native American reservation version where he's like, give me some dip and fucking, I want to drink beer at 9 a.m. and fucking curse the white man and here's my corgi.

He has a little bit of a Rambo vibe. I love this guy, man. And I'm telling you, first and foremost, we will have this guy in the Culture Corner sometime. and curse the white man, and here's my corgi. It's like Pirates of the Crystal Burger. I love this guy, man, and I'm telling you, first and foremost, we will have this guy in the Culture Corner sometime. We need to get back to our roots, Brandon, beyond what you think, brother. Dude, I don't think this guy's our roots. Maybe your roots in North Dakota, but not ours on King of the Sting. This guy's Native Americans. He does fascinate me. He's a fascinating guy.

There's something about him that I want to know more about him. Yeah. This guy, I bet we could hire him to kill Jennifer Lawrence as well if we wanted to. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And by the way, he'd fuck it up somehow. Like, he'd get to their property, but he'd fuck it up, you know? Yeah, yeah. All right, one more Culture Corner submission.

God, I love that guy, dude. Hajime Mashite. Oh, nice. It's Japanese. What up, King of the Stinks? It's your boy, Daniel, and I just want to say what's up to Theo, Brendan, Chappelle, Cat, Nick, Chin, the dude that sits in the other studio but never looks up at the camera like it's the hot chick from junior high school that I never even had the balls to smile at.

It's on a corner. Oh, yeah, the culture corner. Well, my dad was born in Mexico. My grandma barely spoke English. I barely speak Spanish, but somehow we make it work. If that's not the definition of culture, I don't know what is. I can already see myself in the culture corner. If you guys choose me to sit on

the same couch that has grazed more buttcheeks than George Bush Sr., I'd be delighted. All I gotta say is, gang, gang, vatos locos forever. He's good with editing. Yeah, that guy was great. Shout out to that Dustin Poirier episode.

He's really good, but he's boring. Like, I wanted to like him. It's mind good, but it's boring. It's very boring. Like, I wanted to like him. It's mind-numbingly boring, and I don't care. Yeah, I couldn't wait for it to end. So if he went to a Hollywood meeting, they'd go like this. They'd go, hey, thanks for coming in. Let us know what you're working on, you know, and get the fuck out,

because that was boring and a waste of everybody's goddamn time. Bring back that meth-head fucking Tonto or whoever. This guy sucks. I like the first guy, that fucking drippy Steve Jobs with the mock turtleneck. Yeah. Anyone is better than this dude. This guy's like, I'll edit my way around my zero personality. Yeah. my way around my zero personality. Yeah, I like this Gary Varnachuk hit man right here.

And then I also like, obviously, the guy that fucking makes our blood in a cauldron, our little native fella right there. Little Tonto right there? Yeah. The guy has a drug problem, brother. Yeah, he does, dude. So what, dude? You look like a kind of guy who cropped us in a room and then moon walks back through it dude this is a guy that's like really on something cool too it's like opium it's like

peyote like he's on something good it's like something mythical like he's yeah this guy'll pull a wolf out from behind your ear dude this guy ain't fucking playing on the tomahawk dmt he thinks theo and brendan are two dragons that talk to him like he's never seen you he has no idea what your physical form is he just thinks you're two dragons from another dimension that speak to him oh man That's too good. Is that it, Nick? That's it. Oh, man.

Tim Dillon, you've done as much as you could do. Tim, you legend. I really appreciate this. Thank you so much. This is always fun to do. It's always fun to do. Well, thanks for making the time, man. We know you're a busy guy.

I kept the glasses on the whole time Because Theo had his glasses on I'm just like I'm being fucking serious Right now Theo where can we watch this live show You're doing with that big chick Thanks for asking man

It is this Friday 8pm And you can get the tickets We'll put it up in the bio below It's belated Christmas talent show We got live talent That's not good You can get the tickets. We'll put it up in the bio below. It's Belated Christmas Talent Show. We got live talent that's not good, and we got real professional talent that's going to be performing that you've heard of, and we got some packages we shot in advance.

It's going to be really, really cool, man. I'm excited about it. That's awesome, dude. Also, if you guys could go to Tim J. Dillon on Instagram and Twitter and follow me and just wait for instructions about how to get back at these dykes. Yes. And I'm in San Marcos, Texas, with a squad at The Mark in San Marcos, Texas, right outside Austin. I don't know where it's at either, but that's January 29th and 30th.

How do we infuse love into these lesbian women's hearts, into the dark? It's very hard. How do we break them down? They're very businesslike and cold. That's who they are, and it's just not my fault. And what are they, Cornell graduates or something? They're probably. I don't know if they're Cornell.

They probably went to a hospitality program at like a, not a state school, but like a private school that's like a degree above state school. But I don't think these are Ivy League bitches. They're ivy league bitches ivy league bitches don't end up in a war with me yeah they're too smart for that you don't smart do you think we can solve this salvage this relationship and get them on your podcast john and mila are willing to come on my show i will be willing to have them and they can they can say with their peace but i mean i think it's probably going to have to be a situation where I

kill them. I don't know if they're going to come on, man. They're probably not going to come on because they don't have anything to say for themselves. Yeah, no shit, Brendan. They're not going to go on there, Brendan. Yeah, they're not going to come on, but that's okay. I feel like Timmy's the nice guy.

Hey, man, cars go off the road all the time. You hear about this? Yeah. Cars go off the road, and then the people in them die. Maybe they got another allergy. So weird. Dude, leave some semen on their coffee table.

That'll scare them. It's so weird. That's true. It will scare them. They'll probably put it in their barren, childless pussies and come up with a fucking another insufferable cunt.

That's why I won't do that. They're not getting my fucking semen. The only one who's getting my semen is Chelsea Lynn. So we could have a cinnamon roll as a child. A jelly roll. Oh man. Tim Dillon, thank you so much.

Thank you guys. Thanks for having me. Good luck with your show, yeah. Oh, man. Tim Dillon, thank you so much, man. We love you. Thanks for having me. Theo, good luck with your show, brother. Thank you, guys. Brennan and Theo, fighter in weight. I got to go in and go hard in the paint. I do not think. I am in flow. Black rifle coffee, I'm ready to go.

I need a sponsor. I am a monster. About to open up with this at my concert. Flow is contagious. Brows are outrageous. Thicker than girls' letter. Instagram fame is damp. Hungry like I'm fresh off keto seeing red like andrew santino every song i hit like the great bambino brennan ate the queso and the quesoritos but everything's gonna be fine

hate on me i do not mind feel looking like the type of dude that got a pack of matches in his pockets at all times they sliding into my dms A couple of you tried but couldn't beat em Quit playing like Nintendo DS You don't want to smoke like Joey Diaz Meaning y'all edible, just got my eyebrows threaded and I'm feeling incredible Brennan's son hit me up, he said it's too loud in the club, can you pick me up? King in the sting, king in the sting King in the sting, bee sting

Rat king, king in the sting King in the sting Oh yeah. King and the sting, king and the sting. Got the bees in a trap, got the cheese on a string.