The Golden Hour - Episode 115: Brad Bestmilk

Episode Date: April 2, 2021

Chris Distefano joins Theo and Brendan in-studio to recap eating Geoduck and talk Theo's future biography/documentary, Unibomber Nick, Nashville vs Los Angeles vs New York, Chris's female comedian doppelgänger, Theo and Chris's early Opie and Anthony days, cancel culture, Romania women, steroid stories and much more! Get your King and the Sting merch at katsmerch.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Must be 21 or older NJ, IN or PA only new customers, only restrictions apply. See DraftKings.com slash sports book for details. Gambling problem called 1-800-GAMBLER or in Indiana, 1-800-9 with it. How have your emotions been? Theo,

your emotions are better now? Cause yeah, cause you were used to be a wreck, but at times it goes back and forth. Was he a wreck when he first met him? He was a wreck when he first met him are better now? Oh, wow. Because you used to be a wreck, but it goes back and forth. Was he a wreck when you first met him? He was a wreck when you first met him. Was I? Well, not a wreck.

I was cutting my own hair. Not a wreck. Dang, dang. Buzz, buzz. Back off my broccolini. Get your life together. It is. Don't touch me, bro.

I'm not touching you, dude. The show on air. Oh. not touching you, dude. Show on up! Oh! What's up, big baby? How you doing, man? Sorry, baby. Good to see you, man. Beautiful.

Turn that off, Brendan. What's up, doggy? What's up, mommy? Don't be mad at the beats, dog. I love it. You got a fresh shave? Oh, you are in TV. Oh, you're a TV guy now. I have to get a fucking are in TV. Oh, you're a TV guy now.

I have to get a fucking haircut. Oh, you're a TV guy now. Yeah, you TV? Oh, you think you're better than us? The Reich's coming back. How about this? Huh? The Reich.

Bring it back, dude. We need something, bro. They just beat up Filipino, uh, Jokoi's grandmother the other night in New York. Yeah, but. You see that? She didn't fall in line. I mean.

No, no, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. She fell pretty horizontal, brother. No, she didn't fall in line. What's she fell pretty horizontal brother you're falling what's up jen how you doing bub go baby she fell near a storm drain though brother yeah uh oh yeah so she got popped what happened i didn't see it what would he say he doesn't know that's not please help find demon who did this. Jeez. Bang. Six-year-old Filipino. Oh, it's fucked up. Where's no-nonsense Keith Peterson?

This is unbelievable. We don't want Keith. Keith would let this go to him. Well, Herb Dean. Well, somebody. Herb would have stopped it, but even. Nobody helping somebody videotaping, dude. Yeah. How about the security guard?

They didn't help. That security guard's a bitch. It's probably his son doing it, though. Dude. Yeah, I know. I put my comment right there. plm bro this exact thing been happening a lot of communities for a long what's plm is that oj is that oj simpson it looks like i'm just thankful he's not white how about theo but heartbreaking yeah lm yeah this exact thing has been happening a lot of communities

for a long time and needs to stop i'm clocked and getting older one day they're gonna cross me funeral gang he's a joke daddy pineapple gang i don't think it's a fucking joke you think that's a joke statement dog funeral somebody dude i'm telling you that's why i would prefer to live in a state where you could carry a weapon because somebody that somebody A couple times, the weapon thing happens, that kind of shit will stop. Daddy, you don't think I'm packing heat on the streets of L.A.? You, dude? You don't think my car

has something? When you say packing heat, do you mean like one of those blankets that you plug in that keeps your arm warm? No, no. When I say packing heat, I'm not talking about this big dick. I'm not talking about this hog in my pants. I'm talking about the 9 millimeter dog. I'm not talking about this hog in my pants. We heard the joke the first time. Millimeter, doggy. And we didn't want it.

I can't believe I'm in here with fucking Tweedle D and Tweedle fucking Dolt. I'm fucking sitting here with before and laughter. That's who you guys are, okay? Chris looks like a fucking chew toy at one of those dog rescue centers, bro. And you look like an underwater welder in a colonoscopy, you piece of shit. Yeah, dude. Theo's back, baby. Theo's back, and he's revved up, dog.

Theo's ready to go, dude. I like to be a part of the last couple years of your life. It's so awesome, dude. It's so awesome. It's an honor. In the last two, man, you know, it's just fucking like this type of footage, dude. That's just like, it's so awesome. It's an honor. In the last two, man, you know, it's just fucking, like this type of footage, man, like a few years from now when we do the doc about you, it's just going to be awesome that I'm going to be in one of these. I watched the Patrice O'Neal thing. I'm like, fuck, dude, I didn't know Patrice, but I know Theo.

I know Theo. He's great, dude. Yeah, I saw the John Belushi one. Yeah. Yeah, dude. That's true, bro. When I die, dude, you guys will definitely be in at least a scene, bro. It's going to be awesome.

I'll be all up in that, dawg. Hell yeah, dude. You guys are unbelievable. I watched you guys last week and you're eating illegal seafood like a couple of fucking beach homos. Hell yeah, dude. Get your shit together. You couldn't handle that, dawg. That's why we had to do it.

You ain't ready for that thing. I'm not in here again eating whale abdomen dude you guys are right now i was doing that in solidarity with the asian community bro okay now that's that gooey dick dude bruce is just in here snacking yeah i was trying to deep though dude i would you have to see because it was tense in here last week i was in here i came in i was eating the gooey dick and then i was ripping jokes where i was like oh i'm stopped a lot of people out here with hashtags I'm out here giving people happy endings and it was fucking bombing Chen was looking at me cat. They were like, it's not all chin does Starting move and his finishing move artists looking at

Okay, and that's not nothing to do with the Asian community, though it's a popular move in their community. Nick looks like fucking shit today. What is going on? No, Nick's swaggy. Nick got the APC shirt on, dog. Look at Nick. Nick is a wick and a lighter away from being a fucking Unabomber. Let's be honest.

As soon as I heard about that Nashville bombing, I was like, where's Nick? Nick's trying to take out Theo. They call him Wit Davis, dude. Nick's finally had enough, man. He's finally fucking had enough. Dynamite, dude. No, I watched the episode last week.

You guys look like a couple of fucking homoerotic. You guys look like park rangers in the forest area of a Home Depot. Dude, I got home. I got home after that episode came on, and my girl was like, you need to cool it with the gay shit. She was like, it's just enough is enough. You've done that joke. Now stop eating dick.

Did you slap her? No. She's a fucking Puerto Rican girl from Brooklyn, dude. You have a fight on your hands. She slapped me with her fake tits. Yeah. My mom wouldn't watch. She said it was too dirty, you guys, in here.

She stopped watching last week, two weeks ago. She stopped watching it? Yeah. She said it was too dirty, you guys, in here. She stopped watching last week. Yeah. Two weeks ago. She stopped watching it? Yeah. Interesting. She said it was too vulgar. Damn.

Shout out Mrs. Vaughn. We lost the 80-year-old demo. Bro, if you've seen our numbers recently, that's about our demo. Did she get vaxxed up, your mom? No, dude. Mom ain't getting vaxxed up. Are you getting vaxxed? I don't think so.

I mean. If they force us to, I will. What? I'm only doing the Johnson Johnson, the one shot. The one. They might force you to travel to tour. Yeah. State to state.

Oh, I already got one. Yeah. Yeah. You could get that. But I don't know if it's that vaccine passport thing like in New York where it's digital. You have to get it some type of digital wallet thing. If that's the case and we got to do it I guess I'll just get one dude, but don't do that when we got to twos fucking people up. Just do the one

No, but I heard what is fucking people up vaccine advice. I will take it off of estranged YouTube videos. Okay? Vaccine advice from Brendan dr. Brennan job. Yeah, dude. I know man No offense, but listen if you can fake your high school diploma, you can fake a fucking COVID test. Did you ever get COVID, Wobby, or no? Brendan also is the same guy who texted me in the middle of the night and told me one time that his buddy got the secret recipe for toaster strudels. It was big news! It was pills or secrets, dog!

That's what kind of friend I am. That's what I'm saying. Let's be realistic as to what's going on here. Toaster strudels rock. Yeah. Who hates on toaster strudels? And it's my people made them. The Germans made them for you. It's a gift back. Thank you for being in here and holding it down, man,

when I wasn't in here. Thanks for having me. How was your time off, Danny? What did you do? It was good, man, and I'll take more of it. What did I do? I got a home, so I've been trying to just get, the refrigerator doesn't work, and so there's no cold food, so you have to keep a thing of ice and then keep food in there. Oh, you go old school.

That's not a good sign. It's old school, dude. You just moved in the house, the fridge is broke already? Fridge broke. Goddamn. Wait, dude, so are you going to live full time in the Nash, in Nashville? No, just back and forth. But that gets a lot, right?

Coming back and forth all day, every day? You don't mind it? Not every day. That would be insane. That would be absolutely insane. I know. I can't believe I just said that. So what do you come back?

Like once a month? I come back probably twice a month. So what's home to you? Would you say I'm home in Nashville? I'm home in LA. You can't have two homes. You got to pick one. Nashville is home.

Nashville is home now. Nashville's your home. Yeah. You're a Nashville boy. You're a Nashville bitch. I'm not a national bitch there are good women there i'm sure um what is it like there oh i mean there's definitely things like i came out here and went to the beach the other day like that's all like you know it's still great here

and shit's opening up too and she's like the stores can open up in may like the time stores are open nashville's wide open right well it will you guys are one twitter article away from things being shut down here for another two years yeah yeah yeah dude i'm look how scared he is you're the guy that moves away starts hating on la you're that guy i'm not that guy you're joe rogan no i'm not la's the worst but i'm like bitch you're here 30 years what are you talking about i don't think la is the worst i thought about this i don't think wait till shit opens up. You mean Nashville, FOMO, watching Instagram, Chris is going to move out here. Never, dude. Never.

No hating on LA. I think LA is a fine city. I will fight both of you. Dude, I'm happy LA is in the United States, dude. I'm happy like it's not ISIS or anything, but I'm not. Dude, I'm an East Coast kid, dude. Oh, and New York's the move? Dude, that's where I'm from, bro.

I can't, you know what I mean? I can't come out here. I mean, dude, the COVID hyster the move? Dude, that's where I'm from, bro. I can't. You know what I mean? I can't come out. I mean, dude, the COVID hysteria out here. I mean, I can't deal with it. I can't deal with it. I can't deal with it. Bro, it's in New York. Nah, dude.

Cuomo's the reason we're shut down. He killed all those old people. Yeah, bro. Those old folks. And then he's molesting everybody now. He was molesting the old people he killed. And he goes, hey, I'm Italian. Yeah.

Nah, dude. First of all, if you're going to be a politician, yeah, obviously you have to molest. Like, who's not molesting the old people he killed. And he goes, hey, I'm Italian. Yeah. First of all, if you're going to be a politician, yeah, obviously you have to molest. Like, who's not molesting? First of all, everybody's molesting somebody. Why don't we just make a chart instead of keep accusing people? Yeah, yeah. Just be like, okay, you can get five molestations, and then you're out.

Yeah, yeah. That's what it is. It's not like one. It's like everyone's got one. Yeah. If you're a politician. Joe Biden, they found a fucking child's side pony in his pocket the other day. What is even going on?

Dude, I firmly believe in my heart of heart that Joe Biden is dead and has been dead for about four months. And he's like a weekend at Bernie's thing? No, I'm being dead serious. I think it's CGI stuff. I want to see Joe Biden in the flesh because I don't believe that man's alive. And I'm not even mad at it because I mean, you know, Kamala Harris, whatever. But it's just like I don't believe that he's living. I don't believe he's living. Well, if they if it is CGI, they're fucking up because speeches are terrible.

And there's glitches. There's glitches right there. Look at that. He thought that was. Yeah, he goes. How he goes. Are you in what college you go to? And the girl's like, I'm 11 years old. Did he really say that to her? Yeah, he did. Have you seen that video of all the things? Oh, you've seen that video. It's so creepy. It is so awesome.

Actually, I've been off the internet. I haven't really seen much. Dude, I feel like, and I'm going to say this out of pure love for both you comedians, because you guys are two of the best comedians. You look like Fortune Feimster with with haircut and jacked and full fitness. Yeah, Fortune. Yeah, dude. Put him next to me.

Can we do that? You mean Fortune Feimster? He looks like a CrossFit Fortune Feimster? Yeah, like CrossFortune. Yeah, CrossFortune Feimster. Yeah, dude. I know, man. At least she's married and I'm not.

She's married, huh? She's married, dude. She got married, right? Oh, she has a dime? Dime piece! Oh, really? Fortunate Femester, dude. Imagine having to go to work every day with Tom Papa. And talk about bread. Tom Papa. Make it sour, though. Shout out

Tom Papa. Love Tom. Love Tommy P. I thought Tom passed. He didn't? No. No, Tom Papa's alive, dude. He has a cooking show? He did, right? He has a cooking show? He did, right? He has a cooking show, and he's got his Netflix radio show. Is it Netflix or Sirius? I've got to check him out.

It's Sirius. It's Netflix radio on Sirius. Yeah. Yeah. Tom Pop, no. Oh, one of his specials was done by Rob Zombie, dude. That's right. Tommy Papa, everybody.

So good. Did you not have something with Rob Zombie? I asked Rob Zombie to do my special, and he wouldn't do it, and they wouldn't. Why wouldn't he do it? I don't know. I think it wasn't enough money. I don't think he just does them regularly. I think he does them like it's like made to order.

It's like you've got to get an advance. It's like a drop. It's like those. It's like. I could see me looking like. Holy shit. No, but you got to get it. You're back.

You're back. Look, that one. You're back. That one down. No. Yeah, there you go. Theo's back. You're back. Look, that one went down. Yeah, there you go. Theo's back. Theo's back. Spot on, dog.

Yeah, dude. God, what are you doing there? Fucking Trump rally? What's going on there, dude? No, that was me. I was hosting something for, yeah, some shit, some jeans company. That was outside in the streets of Manhattan. And let's just be honest in the back.

If you look in the three people behind Chris, if you put all of them together, that is Michael Jackson. Yeah, dude. Those people, yeah. But you can't. You miss one ingredient. You don't get Michael Jackson, dude. Yeah, dude. But you mix all three.

Look at that, dude. Yeah, that's, yeah. I look like Forte Feepsa. What are you doing, bro? You look like a. And you look like. Why are you so serious? What was this for? You look like a con.

You look like a hostess at fucking Como's bathroom. Yeah. What are you doing? Are you seeing people? No, dude. I think I was doing. Oh, top man. Top man.

The jeans company. I was doing it outside in the streets of Manhattan. You doing stand up? Yeah. You're doing motivational shit. Yeah. Hosted like the opening of this dude's flagship store. You look like the lawyer for Deshaun Watson there. And then it fucking fell apart.

Then that whole store collapsed after that gig. Oh. You know, everybody has erection problems. And that could be you. If it isn't you, hell, it could be. You never know. A strong flood comes through town or damn anything.

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This is a real person who knows about help and therapy. You know, you don't have to do something. If you're in your small town, there's no therapy. There's nowhere to get help. The roller rink is closed down. And you used to go over there and complain over there about a soda fountain. But that shit's all done now. And you still need help.

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and I got my emotions sour like milk and so I need help sometimes betterhelp.com slash K-A-T-S I want to say something hold on Bobby Lee there he is dot com slash K-A-T-S. Dude, I want to say something. I want to say something. Please do something. Okay. Hold on. Hold on. Bobby Lee?

You doing Bobby Lee? There he is. A little Bobby Lee. What is it? Dude, I fucking had three cups of coffee already. I feel like I'm legit going to pass out. Did you? After only three cups?

Dude, don't pass out on chin, bro. That would be a fucking hate crime, dog. I know. We can't handle that kind of thing around here. That's the last thing we need here, dog. Chin, so let me say this. You look way better than when we used to see each other at Opie and Anthony.

Yeah, Opie and Anthony, dude. I was fucking going in there. I just spoke to Opie yesterday. He says hello. Yeah, Opie and Anthony. Well, when we were doing Opie and Anthony together, you were actively using cocaine, and then you were fingering.

You were doing the... Oh, orgasm meditation. Orgasm meditation with the old ladies. It saved my life. Yeah, and then I was just rooting for the New York Islanders. I was just going to Islanders games every night, getting tanked, and then coming with a fat beer face. That sounds fun.

And then Theo used to sleep in the studio. Dude, you were dirt fucking poor you two came a long ways oh dude and dude remember opiate anthony that was not that long ago like 2016 it was opiate gym when i got away it started then he got an opiate gym that's longer than five years ago no but 20 i was just five years 2016 2017 we didn't have shit theo didn't have shit right 2016 2017 erectile dysfunction let me think i had erectile dysfunction a cocaine problem 2017, we didn't have shit. Theo didn't have shit. Right? 2016, 2017. Yeah, I had erectile dysfunction. Let me think.

I had erectile dysfunction. A cocaine problem. I wouldn't say problem. I would say. No, you can't remember the episode you came in. It was me, you, Sherrod, Carl. How about that? All those things we used to do, two out of the four people that have always been in the

studio are legit dead. They are? Carl and Carl Ruiz. Shout out Carl Ruiz, who's dead. Oh, yeah. He died. Yeah, the Cuban chef. And then Vic Henley.

And where would you guys do the show at? From SiriusXM, from Opie. It was Opie in New York? Opie and Jim Norris. Oh, yeah, right in midtown Manhattan. Yeah, Carl Ruiz died in his sleep, and then Vic Henley died in the beginning of quarantine, man. Well, you two are carrying the torch, so let's, hey, both of you, tighten up. Tighten up.

We're still charades, man. We're still Opie. We live, dude. I'm just saying. I don't know if you need to tell us because you don't know apparently how the math of we live works. We are alive right now. Yeah.

But if we're taking bets over under, over under who's going to live longer? Hold on. Out of the three of us? Let's get a look at Carl Ruiz and see who is he most likely in disguise. Right there. Okay.

Okay. I almost actually am believing that Carl Ruiz isn't dead. He just came alive as Brendan Schaub. Yeah, dude. Now he's fucking learning disabled Carl Ruiz. Dude, Carl Ruiz with cauliflower ears. Hey, what happened to Opie and Anthony? They broke up, right?

They broke up. Their show broke up. And then Opie and Jim Norton were doing it. And then Opie left that show or something happened with the contract was up. And now Jim Norton does the show with Sam Roberts still on whatever the new series. I've been on there, yeah. Jim and Sam. Jim's one of my favorite people.

But Opie and Anthony was like, Opie and Anthony in a way. I mean, Howard Stern is Howard Stern. But Opie and Anthony was kind of like that original podcast thing where it was like they were just saying doing whatever i loved when patrice was on but on the radio yeah well you would if there would be no patrice o'neill or you wouldn't have heard of patrice o'neill's of um the robert kelly's all those guys blew up i never got to go yeah i remember going in there dude and it was like the biggest thing ever it was like you got to go in it first of in there dude and it was like the biggest thing ever it was like you got to go in it first of all you walked into the building there's like business

people outside there's some guy like serious building huh there's thousands of people major celebrities going in and out like of serious like we were we were in the elevator once with channing tatum like you just like it's just time piece because they're all doing other shows but open dude that's like and i don't know if that'll ever come back like that man Because Sirius XM is fucking closed It's been closed since the beginning No one listens You have a show on there nobody listens

And they're not open I don't know See it's weird It's not though They don't listen In the middle of the country they listen In the middle of the country they listen to Sirius XM The truck driver shit

Because they Somebody has to be listening Because they make real money They make millions of dollars You know who listens to them? Every time you get a rental car, they count those as subscriptions. That's what it is. Nobody's really listening.

But they pay Howard Stern. That's a good point. Then let go of my boy, Jason Ellis. They pay Howard Stern. Yeah, they pay Howard Stern. He was in a podcast. And that's why Howard Stern's uploading his shit on YouTube now. I can't believe they let go to Ellis, man.

Ellis held it down for them for so freaking long, man. Yeah, dude, that was the one. Let's go back to that picture. This is Theo. I remember this day. He was on full cocaine because he was trying to get some off Daryl Strawberry. Oh, wow. Look at his face.

Zoom in on his face. I remember wanting to climb into Daryl Strawberry's nostril and hide, bro. Yeah, see, if you zoom in, I mean, his jaw's like that. He's got, you know, that's what it is. So, yeah, dude. My mouth was closed. According to me and my head at that moment, my mouth was closed.e looks sick dude sam always looks sick bro have you ever got a good look at sam rae dude every time i see him i bleed in his presence just in case he needs

you would always know theo was on was on coke the night before because it'd be 8 15 in the morning he'd already be sweating he'd just be fully sweating just dripping off his chin in the chair yeah I was like I was at Equinox dude those were some of the best times because the podcast world

all this stuff is great and there's obviously way more money here and blows it up but I remember it was like fun taking the train going in

then when we do the show hang out after yeah they had somebody in like a closet lesbian no offense if anybody's lesbian but they had like a CL downstairs and they would like, they had somebody in a closet, a lesbian. No offense if anybody's a lesbian, but they had a CL downstairs.

Yes. And they would chart. They had to get your identification for you. You'd always be late. You'd be like, fuck it, just figure it out. I'm fucking not going to do anything. And that's what I think when I think about it, because people, at least in New York, would say, oh, why would you ever go back to an office space when you could do everything

on Zoom? Because I think we're social animals. People want to be around that. They want to go back back to work they don't want the coffee shop to close down so i think it's going to come back i do look look at uh depression gun violence it's going to come back domestic violence through the roof it's going to come back people need each other yeah i say do we even have a um what do you need a mask in here is it like a give a one of those doctor-y looking ones why What do you want to do? What do you want?

Yeah, I'll take it. Let me see that, dude. All right, boy. Torture, bitch, right now. Hell yeah, dude. Torture. Give me that one, yeah. Take over.

We want to ruin one. Do it, dude. But don't you think, like, those days, like, it can kind of come back when all the boys get together. Like, you being here. Yeah. You know, and, like, you get Santino, Bobby. What's he doing? He's putting santino bobby it is over flame it dude dude i'm in fucking all different cities bro there's nobody's wearing these bitches in la anymore nobody dude nobody's wearing these anywhere bro so this is the end of this this is the end of this dude we're getting a new desk anyway yeah we are oh yeah yeah dude

well no they are the only place they're wearing it is la yeah but they're not even really wearing it even here little by little doing it just to judge others yeah yeah that's what it is that's what it is yeah fuck that dude i'm i'm kind of done with it i was in miami poppy open oh open there's not a mask in sight they made fun of it and you did your shows for full capacity right correct 100 Correct. 100% like it was 2019, like there was no pandemic. Nothing. And you were performing to a full crowd, no masks. No masks. So you felt like you went back in time. Correct. That's dope, dude. And then you walk outside and there's a nightclub

right outside there. Just every Colombian with a giant ass packed wall to wall. Packed. Dicks to butts, bro. Did you go in? Did you guys go into some bars? Did you have some fun? Huh? Go out? Yeah. Dude, there's a lot of Colombian guys down there. Oh, look, I'll tell you this. I met some Mexican guys the other day, and they said they don't have the disease in Mexico.

Interesting. That's fair. There's a lot of them dying in Mexico, so who knows what that is. Could be cartel violence, but yeah. Here you go. Yeah. Spring break, state of emergency. Also, Florida just today said, Governor DeSantis said they have the lowest rate of cases in

the last six months. they have the lowest rate of cases in the last six months. They have the lowest rate. So I'm sorry. The governor of Texas, Rick Abbott, said they have the Texas, which has had no mask for a month, has got the lowest rate of COVID. You have a mandate where you can't where you can't force people to wear masks, even in businesses. Right. Who's a mandate? Sounds like some girl or one of our friends.

No. Yeah, but you can't. But yeah, but if you want to wear the mask, I'm all about just giving people options dude asians been wearing masks forever what's happening now black people are beating them up exactly as soon as as soon as they show where did that get you yeah yeah i know dude that's the best thing that could have happened for so you do have a black guy committed that crime if that would have been another white it would have been over dude over but thank thank God it was a black person that did that. So you two have known each other for how long?

Theo and I? TGIB, dude. Thank God it's black. Thank God it's black, dude. Shout out black people, man. Yeah. Love them. Oh, yeah, dude.

Look, I mean, you have to have everybody. You have to have everybody. And so. Theo and I have known each other, I would say, seven years. Look at this, T.J. Miller. Oh, yeah. You have seven years. And at this, TJ Miller. Oh, yeah. You have seven years. He looks a little bit like TJ.

He'll do anything to sell tickets now. Here he is right here. What's up, guys? My name is Dakota, a.k.a. Sure is. Goldilocks Golden Boy, a.k.a. The Fellow with the Flow. And I'm from Raleigh, North Carolina.

Now, I know you guys are looking for fill-ins for the Culture Corner, but unfortunately, I'm white as shit. So what I'm applying for is Theo Vaughn's job. Since he abandoned the show and is off in Tennessee wrestling Big Bertha, I figured he might need a stand-in. Things that make me a good fill-in for Theo Vaughn, I got them luscious locks, and I'm very emotional.

So when you finally learn to cut Tyler... Rat King, call up the Mouse Monarch and I'll fly out to LA. Gang gang, buzz buzz. You had a nose piercing though, Daddy. Yeah, I did.

Brendan, quit looking at... You go straight and look at the man's holes. He's speaking. Look where he's talking. What a freaking pervert. You're looking at his orifices and everything. You're changed a lot, man. How have your emotions been, Theo? Your emotions are better now? Oh, no.

Yeah, because you used to be a wreck, but it goes back and forth. Was he a wreck when you first met him? He was a wreck when you first met him. Was I? Well, not a wreck. I was cutting my own hair. Not a wreck. I know, dude.

I know. I remember, yeah, you used to wear those pants. I remember we called them locomotive pants. You used to wear pants like a train conductor. All aboard. Yeah, when I woke up in the morning. Dude, dude. Yeah, I remember one time my friend told me you were in one of the punchlines and you forgot your pants, dude.

You didn't even pack pants for a fucking whole weekend and you had to borrow the feature's pants. I remember that. And that's the Theo that that's the theo that i that i remember a lot man and i um yeah dude i just know i'm gonna give a fire speech at your eulogy it's gonna be fire dude and then i'm gonna die soon after that don't make no mistake i'm gonna draw i'll be shortly behind shortly after that yeah dude i see my cds flaring up. Brendan will be the only one that comes up at my eulogy. He'll come up to shitty music. Oh, dude, I would love to see Brendan.

I'm also going to sell merch at the back. Oh, dude. No, what would be fucking classic, dude, is if like, yeah, dude, Brendan came up at your eulogy and just fucking bombed. I would love to see it. Oh, I'd put it on TikTok immediately. And you and Theo's brother go, boom. Boss, bro.

I'm going to be up there just drinking out of a drink. That's my total Brandon impersonation, bro. You got to see Brandon like. Dude, you're one of the only guys who I'm almost 100% sure your funeral is going to be outside. You're going to do it outside. I know you're going to do it outside, dude. On a field, bro. You're going to piss people off.

There's going to be free mushrooms when you walk in, though. You're going to do your whole shit outside. I'll suck as Joey Diaz is going to be out there. He'll probably jump in the hole right after me, dude. He's on his way out. Is this a guy or a girl? Take a guess. Huh?

That's young MA, dude. Dude, that's Bone Thugs-N-Harmony. Well, since Bobby Schmurder's back, young MA had to hand her career back over to him. It's such a good point. That's what you get for taking somebody's shit. Let's go. That's what it is. Hey guys, I got a debate club for you.

Hold on, let's stop real quick. And thank you for sending this in. Let's be real honest. Right now, this guy is trying to obviously to go back to the Asian-Ape crimes that are going on. This guy is trying to look like. So he didn't get beat up. Right. He's trying to look as Asian as possible.

He's trying to like. He looks like a victim and a perpetrator at the same time. It's very confusing. He's both, dude. He's both. He's both sides of the crime in one. Yeah. And I would look.

I'd throw a straight kimono on this week, dog, to get on the right side of the coin in one. Yeah, and I would, look, I'd throw a straight kimono on this week, dog, to get on the right side of the coin, daddy. Yeah, dude. I mean, that, you know. Yeah, that Japanese headband, dog. Yeah, dude. That's what I'm with. Yeah, man.

Yeah, dude. I would go full carat, dad. That's what we can do. Yeah. Oh, my God. It's COVID time. I narrowed down to two home workouts. I got Billy Blank's Thai Bow or Sean T's Hip Hop Abs.

Which one would you do? Let me know. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. Bring that up, Nick. Abe from Oddworld. Yeah. Abe's Oddworld. I don't know what Oddworld is. It was a great video game. I don Abe from Oddworld. Bring that up, Nick. Abe from Oddworld. Yeah. Abe's Oddworld. I don't know what Oddworld is.

It was a great video game. I don't know, dude. It was a great video game. Abe from Oddworld. It was my favorite game as a kid. I guess I go. He does look like him. He does look like him, bro.

Y'all are ice. You're back, dog. Yeah, I'm racist, but y'all are mean. Actually, A from Outworld looks pretty cool. No, he's cute, man. You could hit a button and you'd fart. I read, didn't it? Yeah.

Got stuck. Is it a good movie? It's such a hard game. It's very difficult. Oh, it's a video game. It's very difficult. It's on PlayStation. My favorite game of all time.

I just saw that movie with my kids on Disney+, Raya the Last Dragon. My son's obsessed with it. You like that one? I don't like it. My kids do. But it's Moana, but Asian. Here's the thing. It's Moana.

Here's the thing. My girl is Puerto Rican, so she's like, I'm getting sick of. She said, I'm getting sick of the force bullshit in these movies. The force fucking have to be a woman hero, have to be, you know, an ethnicity hero. She's like, I'm getting sick of it. She's like, just make a fucking real thing. Just make a real...

That's why I like Soul so much. Soul wasn't about the character being black. Soul. Soul is just a good-ass fucking movie with no agenda. That's how he spells it. Oh, yeah, Soul. It was just a good movie,

but Raya, The Last Strike... Let me make kids watch Soul. Soul. One, two, and three It's a YouTube video of Spanish salt Saw Yeah, dude So Raya the Last Dragon

I didn't love Raya the Last Dragon I like Moana The Moana fucking rocks Moana's fantastic Moana does rock, man You're welcome Yeah, what do you say? You're welcome

Look out now I'm the king of New York Welcome. Yeah, what do you say? You're welcome. Look out now. I'm the king of New York. In Santa Fe. Yo, you got some fucking pipes, dude. Do you know the one I'm talking about? No. No. Open the gates and seize the day.

Open the gates and seize the day. Oh, open the gates and seize the day. Is that The Little Mermaid? No. Dude, what's open the gates? Is the day. Oh, open the gates and seize the day. Is that The Little Mermaid? No. Dude, what's open the gates? Is that Trolls? It's the straight man's Little Mermaid. Newsies.

Nothing can break us. No one can make us. Give our rights away. Iggy, Iggy. Iggy, Iggy. I've never seen Newsies, dude, and I'm a fully gay man. Yeah, me neither. Bro, Newsies is your national anthem.

I met Crutchie one night at a comedy club here. Wow. And I drooled. Really? I don't even know. I don't even know him. I want to know. I wish we stuck with Moana.

There he is right there. Look at this kid. Yeah, handicapped. Who is that? Is that Michael Rapaport? I'm sure it is. Oh, dude, Rappaport got so pissed the other night, so we're doing stand-up on the same show.

And, you know, they have like nine different mics there because she makes people do that before she comes in. Just so people will love her. And so anyway, what happened was... I love that Theo's back. Theo is back. When Theo is on cocaine again, I know it. I fucking love this Theo.

Dude, vintage Theo. Vintage Theo, bro. Dude, a little VT. You don't see it coming, dude. No one better, dog. You don't see it coming, man. It's probably the best in the game. I hung out with Andrew Schultz, and that shit rubs off. Oh,ultz will do it to you bro i've said some i've i've literally members

of my family are going to sue me because that's what it is so anyway i didn't know they didn't tell me you bring up the next guy right okay oh right oh get the round stage right yes yeah yeah supernova good show yeah good show yeah whitley whit Whitley Boulevard Yeah over on Whitley Boulevard Dude and it's an avenue Or Whitley Whatever Well we don't wanna Yeah don't act like you know

The streets of our town though You know I just I was saying I was saying it's at the Whitley And people are like What the fuck is the Whitley But it's not

There's no venue called the Whitley So you forgot to bring up the comic They didn't tell me So I thought the show was over You thought Oh Oh shit So I'm like basically Thank you everybody Good night And who was supposed to Oh, shit. So I'm like, basically, thank you, everybody.

Good night. And who was supposed to come up after you? Did you rip, too? Bring up Rapport. I did pretty well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, on a scale of one to well, I did well. No, because it's funny because you like ripped and you're like, fuck it, the show's over now.

Yeah. I love it. That's all you guys need to see. Yeah. I love it, dude. So then I go. So here's Rapport with his crowd work. So I get down and then Rapport.

And he was like, oh, thanks for the great introduction. I felt horrible. I didn't know who it was. I thought it was just somebody up there cleaning up the stairs. He wasn't mad, though, probably. Rapport really wasn't mad. He probably doesn't care. No, he doesn't care.

No, people get over that shit. It's like, oh, whatever. It happens. You just make that funny then. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. And he did. I mean, he did fine.

I just felt bad about it. I was like, oh, my God. Rapport that funny then. You know what I mean? Oh yeah. And he did. I mean, he did fine. I just felt bad about it. I was like, oh my God. Rapport's funny. Yeah. Yeah. I always notice now as I've been going through the career

and ramp parts, but the standups who always like say no crowd work or don't do this or blame, it's like you're not really then embracing comedy because it's like comedy

is like you just got to fucking make it work. There's some curve balls. That's my goal. That's our job. It's like, hey, sometimes we may bomb, but it's really never the audience's fault there's good crowds and bad crowds but

it's like you just have to make that shit work if you see the crowds a certain way and something happened then you got to just be able to fucking improv and get in and out those are i think the the best comedians are and i'm not there yet damn well i. Theo's there. I think sometimes. 100% Theo's there. Theo's there. Theo's there, dude. I mean, I'll see you guys when you get here. No, he's all no, stop. No, yeah, you guys aren't there. I've been fucking going on stage giving my opinions, dude, and now I'm doing Megyn Kelly's show next week.

So, I swear to God, dude, I'm a guest on her show next week because I've been out in L.A. just fucking speaking the truth. Dude, you keep this up and Candace Owens is going to give call dude that's what it is man that's what it is i'll do a show i ran into jocko willink the other day at a hotel in nashville yeah which is pretty cool he was over there doing candace owens's show yeah but it's just funny how suddenly you like everybody if you're not like i feel like they just like maybe start to push everybody out into this right it's weak but it's weak but but it's really because I think like right wing, oh look, Shane Gillis,

I think that right wing stuff, like what you think is the right wing now or what you think is right is really just a 1990s Democrat. It's just being on the left, the extreme left has become so insane that now even if you just lean, if I'm center, I'm center and i lean left but

to a to a like a hardened like socialist democrat i might as i'm a fuck i'm fully in the proud boys yeah so you can't really have an alternative opinion and that's what i think the biggest people keep talking about freedom of speech and all that la too blah blah and that's a problem i get it but i think the biggest issue facing us is we don't have a right to have discourse. I can't even bring up a topic to have a conversation about because I will get fucking crucified for even labeled. And that is the thing that I think that's the thing. If you look at, you know, history, when like start things start to be problematic, that's where it starts to come is the true censorship, because the people on the left who champion who are saying like, we just want to be inclusive, they're really silencing everybody. So it's an interesting thing that they're guising their agenda in this kind of weird, kind of fascist thing. And I'm like, yo, dude, a lot of, like, the fact that I can't even bring up, the fact that I can't even say, hey, I'm going to go do Candace Owen show because I'll be branded as a terrorist. That's the issue. It's like, let me go on there.

Let me have lead with love and have a good heart and just try to be funny on anybody's platform and let the people decide. But that's not how it works. Very labeled, yeah. So that's the thing. And I don't know how you come back from that. I don't know how.

You just got to keep fighting. You got to keep saying whatever the fuck you want. Yeah, you keep going. Because when you start censoring is when you're going to give in to the left. Like, I want to be able to ask questions about any group, any group that's not me and not have members of that group want to cancel me for asking the wrong questions.

I'd rather have them educate me on why I'm wrong. And then we all move together as a society, but that's not what the media wants because the media is only going to make money if we're divided and hating each other. Yeah. Megyn Kelly next week. Yeah. Type of shit.

That's the type of shit I've been doing. I've been doing fucking Ted talks in the round on the Whitley. Really? No, I've been going in there just you know I'm in a new city so I'm just in there doing my A shit I'm doing my 2019 shit you know what I mean? and people are like you're ripping dude

I'm like yeah man that's my fucking old shit bro I can't take any chances yet I'm still hoping Rogan's gonna Skype in in 2018 and get me on the show when it's on YouTube. I'm still pulling, dude. Dude, that's right. Yeah, dude.

Yeah, it's weird. Like, yeah, I guess it's, yeah, I don't know. I don't know. It's like, yeah, you can't have a conversation. But also, like, I think the thing you do is just, you almost wish they would cancel you. Like, cancel me. It's just almost free advertising these days. Exactly, dude.

It's like, what are you even canceling me from? Like, I don't want to be on freaking everybody loves raymond tonight or whatever right right you know they can't cancel you from hollywood but they can't cancel you from this platform no because you're because well you youtube could pull your advertising which gets dicey which gets dicey but still the power of your guys career especially with this show and the other shows you do is in the hands of your fans it's not okay the fans decide who's canceled the fans that's the first thing i said to brian and chris right i was like i know you guys are going through some shit and you're getting all this stuff from hollywood and everybody else on the left but it's up to the fan and the right people were i mean every but i'm

saying the fans decide if you have a career or not yeah but that's why that's why i think a thing like a patreon is such an awesome thing because i saw like even chris is doing it again and i think like dude chris is ripping by the way but yeah have you seen his podcast let his fans decide i haven't seen it yet but he's killing and that's beautiful because i'm like let the okay fine there may be people that don't like certain people there's fine there's nine billion people on the planet the ones who do like him why don't why shouldn't they have a right to pay their hard-earned fucking stimulus money to go pay for his patreon or his stuff or whomever quote-unquote was canceled do it dude but because it's really because really like the people who the people who have had no voice and are like

very weak and like insecure and like never really had a career are the people who are the loudest you would never i have nothing to do i've been offended by things people have said on pockets i would never ever try to cancel anybody because i i'm happy doing. I've been offended by things people have said on podcasts. I would never, ever try to cancel anybody because I'm happy doing what I do. You've been offended by somebody on a podcast? Not really, but you know what I mean. If it's directed at you, but I've never been offended by someone's opinion. Oh, not really offended. I don't mean offended by it.

I don't give a fuck. My feelings have been hurt, but that's it. My feelings. That's exactly what I'm saying. That's how I should say it. Yeah, feelings hurt, but it's like, who cares, dude? Move on, man. My whole thing now with that, with the internet, is two things.

I genuinely believe, one, most of the hate on the internet is not real. I genuinely believe it to be like some type of bot, Russian, Chinese. I said this for you. Some type of enemy. American bot. I was just going to say homegrown. Disguised as Russian bot. I was just going to say American homegrown bots.

It's either an enemy. I'm from San Francisco. Yeah. I think that it's all coming to create division and two now i just when i see somebody being hateful on twitter tweeting negative shit at me i'm just like man i feel so blessed and happy to not be them because you have to understand the amount of pain and anguish a human being has to be in if they are tweeting out taking to a public platform to shit on somebody, those people are in immense pain because I've never felt the right. Even with road rage, like when I used to get road rage and now like somebody I see somebody with road rage, I feel bad for them because I'm like, I haven't experienced that in so long because I genuinely love my life and love what I do. I'm not angry if somebody cuts me off.

But also the hate you get on Twitter, they're not hating on you because you're doing shitty in life. Right. They're coming after you for a reason. Of course. You're crushing it. Of course, dude. I was just like. Because he's that fucking wigger that we all love.

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Click the price checker button on the vehicle page. That's Edmunds.com for cars. There's Edmunds. Praise God, baby. Praise God. You look so good, man. It's because I shaved my beard, dude. Is it?

Yeah, dude. And I'm on Winstrel. Are you on Winnie? No, dude. But I'm already 260. Dude, I want to go fucking drown. I'll drink blood out of your elbow right now, bro. If you cut the D-ball. Every time Theo does a line, I'll shoot myself up with a D-ball.

You're going to look like Jay Cutler by next week. No, dude. I want to try steroids, though. I've never done it. I want to try them. Oh, I'll tell you about that. So I'll tell you about this, dude. I had a guy.

Look, this is true story. One night in New York City, one of my buddy comes up to me he's like dude it's like 2 a.m i'm going to sleep we've been out drinking he's like dude i'm gonna go get us some drugs and i was like all right man i'm not going i'll give you 90 right that's my drug spending limit right so i'll give you 90 for some drugs get what you can you know wake me up and i'll do some of the drugs dude he comes back at 4 a.m., bro, with steroids. No joke. The vials, the beat.

What the fuck? Yeah, bro. Yeah, dude. He did like three shots right in front of me, dude, and went to sleep. What a savage. He's like, this shit ain't working, man. I'm like, dude, just give it two weeks. Was he a fat fuck?

No, he was in pretty good shape. I don't think it's instant, homeboy. He had two a fat fuck? No he was a pretty good shit I don't think it's instant homeboy He had two different color eyes You also gotta work out dude And I don't know what He was leaving the next day and so was I So I don't know what he did after that But I remember him just being like let's fucking go

Did you take one or you didn't hit one? I didn't You've done it in the past right? Oh yeah I've done it in the past, right? Oh, yeah. I've done it in the past. We snuck into Mexico and bought a bunch of steroids one time. And we had to get them out of there. And we didn't know how.

So we put them in a shampoo bottle, right? Yeah. Classic. And we didn't clean it out that good. So it was like soapy steroids. Right. And literally for like six months in our town, guys would come up with syringes and like basically just dip it in there and just fucking fill it up.

It was so like there it was still a little better jacked and you smell like herbal essence yeah dude get ready to wash yeah dude i'm sorry for getting gay for a few minutes on the pod man no dude look i'm just grateful you're here man help it man i'm grateful you're here i'm so glad you're here yeah yeah dude i know it's it's slowly converting. I'm trying to keep you. Is it? Well, not to the city, but the mindset.

You know? Like I was like, you know, I woke up today and I was like, maybe I do have white privilege. But then I was like, nah. You know? And I just fucking threw people out of the way. And Starbucks was like, give me the white. The white man needs his cup. You know?

I did shit like that. Give me the triple white mocha was like give me the white the white man needs his cup yeah you know like i did shit like that with a triple white mocha yeah yeah with extra white in it twice can i have the twice mocha yeah you know you're really white if you pronounce the w yeah white white dude dude my dog but you listen i got i got it's interesting because even my family dude i got a biracial family my kids you know half puerto rican yeah but their mom will just you know my girl just be like hey listen she's told them multiple times she's like when we're you know when you when you kids get older like you're gonna be if somebody asks you on a on a on a job interview what you are you're gonna say white on a college interview you're gonna say puerto rican that's how we're gonna do it and i'm just like hey man she said that not me yeah no but she could say a smart

lady though she's been puerto rican yeah though. She's Puerto Rican, yeah. So I'm like, yeah, you know. But what can you fucking do, dude? Yeah, I mean, you have to, like, the system here, the system obviously started out as a white system. Right. So it's like once there's more diversity, then people are going to, people are always going to abuse the system whenever they can to get the system to also kind of fit them. Sure. the system whatever they can to get the system to also kind of fit them sure i think that's some of that's just the phase that we're going through in time right now in this country right it's just like

a more diversifying of the country and so you're gonna see the system probably has to adjust till everybody thinks that it's fair but that's the problem that's the thing right there is like i understand what people saying it's obvious it's obvious that there have been issues in our country, of course, but compare the United States to other countries in the world and tell me this isn't the best place for all diversities and cultures to live in. It is.

And when people, that's the problem is a lot of times now you're not negotiating with someone who's coming from a place of facts. You're negotiating with someone who's coming from a place of emotion. And emotion and fact never match up. So I can can tell you the facts but if you're going to leave

with emotion and you want to keep telling me how racist this country is and and how much you're held down that's fine i understand that but the facts are x y and z each individual by individual and then so i've learned now we have fun on podcasts we say but in real life which by the way most people in real life, which by the way, most people in real life just get about their business and fucking live life. This is a little, little pockets of the internet that we think is this huge thing, but it's really not. Most people like,

I don't give a fuck, uh, whatever there's issues, but I got to feed my family tonight. So I'm going to go, I need to go make it work, whatever it is. And that's,

that's most people. But you know, it's like, I think like, you know, man, like, look, dude, it's like, we've had had issues. You look back in history, certain problems.

The progress America's made is unmatched. Dude, in Europe two years ago, a black player scored a goal. They threw bananas on the field two years ago. So it's like that would never happen. We've had a president, black president for eight years. What do you want from me? Now, are you a full blown proud boy or how's that's that work no because i'm no i i want to be i want to be but um i can't there's like a whole thing you got again i i can't i can't you know

just sign up it's tough to get in it's tough to get i'm in q anon white boys i'm fully in q anon yeah oh and you got it i'm lowercase q yeah my daughter's preschool teacher's name is mrs q that's for real. Oh, suspect. As soon as – because I was picking between two schools, and when we had the interview, the preschool – the one teacher came in and said Mrs. Q, and I said to my girl, I said, this is the one.

She was like, why? I was like, you'll see. I'll just say I'm on Eddie Bravo's email list on his website. Yeah, dude. So that's where I'm at, you know? But even like what I just said, even talking about that, like I just wish that we could say that totally normal stuff but i but i wish that we could go on like a mainstream show and say that but they would never allow that i'm making kelly

it's pretty mainstream well here's the thing i think i mean more stuff is growing for everybody like right i think that the the the holdings of like the some of this is the last desperate attempts by old guard to hold on to the narrative of everything, you know? And yeah, I agree. Like what I worry is a lot, so many people think, oh, this, this America is so fucked up and it's like, it's only for whites and it's stuff like this, but really it's just a system. All America is, is a system that works.

It's a business dude. It is. And if you want to like battle the system so much where the system doesn't work anymore, then the system isn't going to work. Sometimes it's like fucking sometimes life's just shitty, man. It sucks for everybody. You think I don't like there's things all the time. There's a lot of poor white kids.

Oh, there's tons. A ton of poor white kids. But yeah, it's just like life's just life, man. I don't know what I'm saying, bro. Dude, I know, man. You guys need to listen to Chet Hanks. He said it's a white boy summer. He did? He said it's it's a white boy and he said it's not like a trump white boy thing it's like a jack carlo himself dude i would love to challenge chet hanks to like a public fist

fight and lose that would be great for my patreon dude just to put that shit on you up and get fucked up yes dude you could battle him in a battle rap he can. Didn't Chet Hanks and Santino go at each other? Wasn't there beef with Chet Hanks in a pod? Maybe it's not Andrew Santino. Is it, Nick? A podcaster. Chet Hanks and somebody on a podcast went at each other. I'm a fan of Chet Hanks.

Yeah, I never met him. Dude, your dad's Forrest Gump? Dad was Tom fucking Hanks, dude. Dude, Forrest Gump? I wouldn't lead with that, dude. My dad was in Philadelphia. That's what I'd lead with. Always, dude.

Philadelphia's way better. Philadelphia shot out AIDS as well. That's what I'd lead with. Always, dude. Philadelphia is way better. Philadelphia shot out AIDS as well. That's when AIDS really had a, yeah. AIDS doesn't even count anymore, dude. Bro, some girl the other day texted me and said she thought, like, or she didn't have AIDS or something. And I was like, all right.

She does have AIDS? She said, I don't have AIDS. And I was like, yeah, dude. I don't, yeah, I'd rather, I'd rather fuck a girl with AIDS than COVID. You know what I mean, dude? Both of you guys, I just realized guys just realized you look like y'all look like crossing guards at a sex change yeah dude we fucking cross right here dude i just stop go stop go dude dude the best thing ever me walking back across the street dude when i was a little kid our crossing guard mrs wendy got hit and killed by a car yeah it's just like that and i don't. Dude, when I was a little kid, our crossing guard, Mrs. Wendy, got hit and killed by a car. It's just like that.

And I don't want to say this, but it was a black car in front of Chin. I don't want to say that because I know your community is dealing with a lot right now. Yeah, dude. I know. I know it was a black car. Let's get some of Chin. What's going on, Chin? You guys are getting attacked.

Are you guys – is there like alerts going around in your community? Are you guys – is there fear? Is there an app? Is a lot of it hype and it's just been going on for a long time? I see it on the news more now, but I don't know anyone personally who has a family member or a friend that got attacked.

And that's why I told Brendan before I was kind of like, well, you know, the most recent one, the shooting is in Atlanta with the masseuses being mostly Asian. I'm like,

can we just look into it more before calling it straight out like racism? Right. Yeah, but people don't agree with me, especially the Asian community. They're mad at you, Chin? Yeah.

Hot take, Chin. But they're mad at you online. They're mad at you online. And these are online Asians. Are they real Asians? In real life, Asian people are the hardest working community probably in our country. The hardest working.

More so than Mexican. I would say Asians are, I would say out of minority communities, I would say Asian is number one. Hardest working makes the most money. I would think that Asian people have to be the highest paid. They own the most property. I have to think that.

So my point is what Chen said is they're probably just going to work. Like a lot of the stop the Asian hate stuff is white people. It's more white people stepping in and be like, I need to support. Asian people, I think, are putting their heads down and just going to work and making money. They always did. And buying a lot. Being a very successful. Yes.

No, absolutely. They're hiring security guards and, you know, because they are getting the shit beat out of them out there. But for the most part, they're going out there and just working where the white people are at home. Being like, we need to come up with a group that helps our Asian friends. When the Asian people are like, yeah, lady, I'm making twice as much money as you should just shut up and make the sauce. Remember when somebody thought Rick Moranis was Asian like a month ago? Dude, Rick Moranis caught one to the face, bro. Didn't he get knocked out?

Dude, and I heard that it was an uppercut. If you get a blindside uppercut, dude, that sucks. He probably, his head went back like a bestest football. You know how awkward that is? He probably went off his feet like... It was that sequel, Honey, I Shrunk Rick Moranis. Like, look at this lady, dude. Like, you know?

Is that him? Oh. Yeah, this is fucked up. Oh, that's the Rick Moranis shit. Yeah, dude, that was an uppercut. He thought he was Asian. And that guy loves New York, though, man. Yeah, dude.

That's your people, Chris. That's your people, Chris. He got fucking shredded. That's your people, Chris. We saw it, Nick. Okay? Jesus Christ. And that's the kind of guy Nick is right there. Yeah, dude. Nick's your people, Chris. He got fucking shredded. That's your people, Chris. We saw it, Nick. Okay? Jesus Christ. And that's the kind of guy Nick is right there.

Yeah, dude. Nick's the kind of referee, which I don't understand in your sport also, Brendan. You're allowed to knock the guy out, okay? Then when he's unconscious, you're allowed to hit him two more times. It's on the ref. The ref has to. Because you're instructed, don't stop until I touch you. So when Herb Dean's late and they're big boys,

there's going to be some repercussions. Do you think, Brandon, you're a person? But don't you know, sorry, Chris, but don't you notice? You don't. When you're in that mode, like I got shit when I knocked out Cro Cop because he was out, and then Herb was slow to get it, so I finished him off. Because you don't want him popping back up.

No, that guy will kill somebody. He ain't popping back up. I could tell you 99 out of 100 times from a viewer's point of view at home, the dude ain't popping back up. But I'm saying when you're in there, literally, it's like – It must be different. Yeah, you're like in – You ever knock anybody out and think you killed them? You ever been nervous like, I think I just killed somebody?

He had some good – Nothing like that. Crocop, I thought – I'm just joking. Crocop, I thought you actually – I thought there'd be some serious. You hit him like clean. It was just clean.

Isn't it crazy? The fighters did not seem like that. Does he? Brandon? Yeah. What do you mean? I'm not saying he doesn't seem capable of it. He just doesn't seem. No, like he's the type of guy.

Like if I got into a fight with him, I'd be nervous. But I'm like, oh, if I could just tickle him in the right spot, he'll fall down. But it won't. The truth is he'll rip my head off and shit down my neck. That's the truth. Like I got more jokes lined up for Brandon, but I'm'm scared to do them most guys will use the bathroom before the fight don't you guys use the bathroom before i pee like crazy yeah yeah you gotta pee dude bro i was neck in there yeah you ever get knocked out shit my you ever get knocked out and wake up

as a different person like do your personalities get knocked around yeah i got knocked out so much i got funny is that what did you start did you actually get the idea to become a comedian after a knockout or was that something way before way before he just woke up from a fight and he just takes bruce buffers starts doing five minutes dude like damn that guy had knocked brendan into a new career he walked up he's david tell me he's out there i'm gonna stand up live next week and i'm out. That'd be fucking hilarious, dude. So, dude, when you leave here, you're going to do work today? You're working on a television show?

You think you're betting on us because you're on TV? No, dude, I actually got two weeks off. I'm hosting a show for True TV called Backyard Bar Wars and it's called BBW. I've been calling it BBW and they're like, you can't say that. I'm like, dude, I'm saying it. I have to say'm saying I have

to say you can't another illegalizing acronyms yeah dude so yeah I'm doing the show and yeah man I mean I took the job I told was telling Bernie's last time I took the gig to do it cuz we're doing it out here you know I was like I can go and do all that all the podcast and shit but now I got two weeks off so I'm just fucking chillin you're coming over my house from talk coming to your house for tacos fucking with the fam man when is that hanging with Theo I don't know when Podcast and shit. But now I got two weeks off, so I'm just fucking chilling. You're coming over to my house for tacos. Coming to your house for tacos. Fucking with the fam, man. When is that?

Hanging with Theo. I don't know. When do you want to do it? This weekend? Yeah. Let's get him. Theo's coming too, then. Theo's going to fly back to Nashville.

When are you flying back to Nashville? I got a show there tomorrow night. Theo's only my friend in here. At Zany's? Yeah, Zany's. Lucy. Shout out, Lucy. Best comedy manager in the game, Lucy.

Agreed. Best club manager. They do a great job over there. She's great. Yeah, do a great job over there. She's great. Yeah, I got a set over there. I'm going to be over there, I think, in October in Nashville. Are you? At Zany's, yeah.

Yeah, I got to look at the calendar and see who's coming up. Yeah, it seems like, to me, what I'm looking at is that Nashville, it's like one of the hottest spots in the country right now for stand-up. Because they're open. They're open. And Zany's a great club. It's 100% open, right? Now at Zany's, too.. It's 100% open right now in Zany's too.

You can go sell all the tickets. You can't sell all the tickets, but it's at about, I think, 60% maybe or something. Which is dope. It's coming up over there. I mean, look at this. Gary Owen. All club bangers, dude. These people were just there.

Yeah, here we go. But it's all banging comics. Arnaz J we got. Josh Wolfe. He lives there. JP Sears. Yeah, Wolfe is there. Adam Carolla. He's great. Josh Wolfe again he lives there. JP Sears, yeah, Wolfe is there. Adam Carolla, he's great.

Josh Wolfe again. There it goes. Callan's there every other Wednesday. Does he also live there as well, Brian Callan now? Basically, but no. His partner, fucking Steve Byrne, lives there. Okay, so they do their new podcast from Nashville. Yeah.

Got it. They have a nice studio too. Is the property value decent in Nashville? Theo, it's going up. It's expensive to live there now. So in other words, if you were going to buy in Nashville for an investment, you needed to do that two years ago. I think so.

I think you could still get in and have something. You do it now. Yeah, you could probably. But the windows now. Like you can't. Like in five years from now, it's going to be New York. It's going to be big prices in Nashville. I think so.

That's what everyone says, man. I don't know if you'd be that much bigger. Everyone getting out of New York and L.A., like it's going to be big prices in nashville i think so that's what everyone says man i don't know if you'd be that much bigger everyone getting out of new york and la like it's going to pop back here so you want to buy new york and la yeah right look i think they're gonna come back these places aren't going to disappear change or anything like that i think more the bigger things are just the long-term like governments of the place is like how high are your taxes gonna get here like i start thinking about that like yeah you like i start thinking about that like yeah you know i i start thinking about that like in a state that's having a tough time how high are the taxes gonna get because it's really gonna be called at least is he yes because i think it's local

government too it's like even like in texas like the governor's like all mass off but it it gets down to such a microcosm where it's like yeah but if you're whatever neighborhood you're living in even certain neighborhoods inside like certain cities have different rules well think about this the mayor of austin was like no mask on so that's so the rest of texas masks off the austin people realize this is very purple a lot of blue there right so they're they're they're working in austin you can't do 100 occupancy in the venues oh shit i thought i thought i'm at the vulcan i'm at the vulcan uh gas company in austin april 26th 24th is it yeah the kid brandon who books it's a great guy yeah i'm doing that one at the end of the year it's great but uh they're not full capacity but they're

similar like you can go and make money you know like you make real money you can make real money man but you can do it in arizona this entire covid i've been making real money in arizona texas non-stop and i've been in Florida too many times. It's just popping. You just keep going back to Florida doing shows. I only do really those four. Austin, Florida. I'm sorry, Texas, Florida, Nashville.

Like different cities in Florida. He's just guessing states now. I mean, look. Those are the four big states. Yeah. Well, look, bro. And here's Theo's side piece. What's Theo's side piece?

That's my fucking mom, dude. Why is she up here? We've got to flop my aunt again. Yeah, and here's the aside Bank who's that? Who is that? Huh? This is aunt Rhonda. Okay sent in by a listener. I got his video Aunt Rhonda Dude, this kid wants to fight shop next. He's a cat. He's got a knee to a face. This kid looks like, yeah, dude, he's from Kazakhstan. Good morning,

King of the Sting crew. I'm Josh from South Carolina. I submitted my Aunt Rhonda from Virginia. She's a caring grandmother during the weekdays and a cougar on the prowl on the weekends.

That's my vibe, daddy. I've been selling cars, but now she's slinging some white squares. Now you're talking about cocaine, Theo. Amen, baby. Talking about mail.

Her favorite hobbies include young men and gang gang buzz buzz. That's what it is. That's what it is. She likes that gang and that buzz. She likes young men. Yeah, dude. Well, that's it. Dang, she's slinging the mail, dude.

I freaking respect that. Yeah, dude. That's fucking great. She's taking a the mail, dude. I freaking respect that. Yeah, dude. That's fucking great. She's taking a fun time. Visiting that box, homie. Nobody ever fucks the mail lady or the mail guy. Even the mailman. Do you think the mailman gets more?

Who gets more pussy, the mailman or the milkman? Well, look, let's be honest. There's no milkman anymore. But I'm saying historically. And I'm going to, I mean, I just said this the other day, but the mail, basically the mail these days is just handing the mail to a black guy and hoping he takes it where you think he's going to take it.

Yeah. Let's be honest, for USPS, especially just giving the mail to a black guy and hoping he's not racist enough that he'll deliver it to where you think it needs to go. Yeah, dude. They shoot my mail at my mother's house out of a fucking t-shirt gun.

They hate us. Like in this game. They say go. Yeah, dude. They shoot my mother's house out of a fucking T-shirt gun. They hate it. Like in this game. They say, fuck you, lady. We hate your son. We've seen your son's haircut. It's a bang. They scare the shit out of my mom's dog. Dude, one thing that is scary, though, about the media,

they make a lot more white people, I think, are more scared than ever. Sure. I feel like there's a lot more fear than there has been i felt like i feel like um which has been because i used to feel like less scared against uh different ethnicities and now i feel more scared against different ethnicities sometimes not like an individual moment but like there's this general invisible fear you know yeah i think that's the kind of stuff that the media i think social media created that yeah because i don't feel that at all i'm around fucking minorities all the time i don't feel that at all you look like a mexican you look like a big mexican dude though yeah i get it and

you're also a former ufc fighter i so people are fearful around you yeah that's true dude you don't think about that you always think small and feel like he's transitioning but you should be scared i'm a former used to work at a pizza place. We're the first to die when it comes to racial battles. 100%. The pizza delivery guy gets killed immediately. And, dude, Theo looks like an old school white. He looks like a historic white.

He does not look white. Dude, you look like the most white. Yeah, dude, but I also look Nazi white and people are still scared of the Nazis, dude. But you even will carry a cardboard cut out of your Puerto Rican daughter to get clout. Oh, dude, 100%, man. Every time I hit the stage,

I think of a different, more Puerto Rican name for my daughter. Her name's Delilah, the whitest name. I go Julissa, Maria, Jesenia. Yeah, sometimes I just call her San Juan. I'm like, is my daughter San Juan? Yeah. Because, yeah, dude, that's the get-out-of-jail-free card. Is my daughter Villarigosa?

Diverse kid, dude. That's why I have a Puerto Rican daughter. Man, it's for my career. De la Hoya. You're like, this is getting a little ridiculous. This is my daughter Daddy Yankee. Yeah, dude. This is my daughter here, Georgia O'Keefe. Is she Mexican or here, Georgia O'Keefe.

Is she Mexican or not? Georgia O'Keefe? Yeah, seriously. Is she? I don't know. Oh, no, I'm thinking of Frida Kahlo. Oh, with the unibrow? Yeah, that unibrow.

The unibrow girl from the museum. You got to be out there with multiracial people. Oh, damn, dude. Eminem fucking going through another one. Why is this kid's hat is so fucking big? He looks like, yeah, dude. Eminem fucking going through another one. Why is this kid's hat is so fucking big? He looks like, yeah, dude. This kid that's Eminem, dude. No, he looks like the little kid off Sandlot.

The real shitty white one with the big bill. Yes, he's got a big ass hat. But he looks like a good dude. No, not squints. He looks like a good dude. The main white kid who stole his dad's baby. Yo, what up, Tina Sting? This is Michael from Mesa, Arizona.

The voice like the State Park guy. The reason that the guy doesn't, obviously this guy is first team all cock, okay? He doesn't need anything else. That's why he's not, there's no jewelry. Yeah, his vibe is like. There's no nose ring. There's no diplomas. This guy doesn't need anything.

He has probably 22s with X. I bet he has Rockford Fiske 22s in his nutsack. This guy. He sounds fully like Satan, dude. Like if Satan could talk in that Lil Nas X video, it sounds like this guy 100%, dude. Listen to this dude's voice. Sting it or sting it for you.

And it's about organ donorship. Oh, fuck. Hold his hand. This guy will reach into your body. He wants an organ. I'm going to tell you this. If this guy wants an organ, it's going to be more cock, bro.

This dude got that fucking heat sausage, daddy. I am 100% certain this man has throat cancer. For sure, dude. For sure, dude. He's suffering. He sounds like he's in pain. This guy's smoking Winston's through the hole in the back of his neck. Yeah, dude.

The new thing is hole in the back now instead of hole in the front. He's got a detachable voice box. 100% dude. This guy's smoking Marvelous through his dick. I personally considered it, but I figured

I've abused most of my organs the last 10, 15 years or so. I'll tell you, stop it real quick. This guy's tired because he has been basically underground railroading his own penis for fucking decades. This dude's been carrying this thing back and forth. This dude's tired because he's on active chemo right now he's not if you panned out dude he's just got ivs everywhere in a haitian wet nurse i bet he has to carry his penis around in a wheelbarrow in front of him

this guy his first team all me baby 100 yeah his vibe is too chilled let's go bro kind of be a dick move to uh try and try and act like it might help somebody so does he want our organs what's he what is he talking about how many old black dudes is this guy eating? I feel like if you fucking pat him on the back hard enough, Frederick Douglass will roll out of his tongue. Samuel L. Jackson pops out, comes out. Damn, let's go. Personally, I would hope that Chobb is pretty disappointing uh maybe theo can donate his uh his sweet cheeks but uh

you know feed a family or something but anyways organ, king it or sting it, gang. Gang, baby. Gang, king it or sting it. Tyrese jerky. Dude. He's going to be dead any day now, man. That's what it is, bro. I bet he has to water his penis, dude.

I bet he has to. 100%. I think Brian has gills on it. You know how many fucking, yeah, you know how many hello tushies he's broke with a stick? Bro, I bet every now and then, Hannah Baron just pulls his penis out. Just elbow deep. Damn, this one bites.

Bro, I bet they'll make sashimi out of this guy's crotch when he dies. Dude. Here's what I'm saying, brother. Oh, man, my head hurts. I'm a organ donor. My sister got a liver when i was a kid when i was like five seven years old my sister got a liver early oh yeah she was drinking yeah my mom had brad brad best milk and that's our title for the episode brad best milk

oh i had brad best milk and uh so yeah my sister got that liver early. Dude, I used to go give speeches about organ donation, bro. Yeah. You know what? My cousin, who was an EMT, told me that if they see, if you're like dying at like a car accident and they see organ donor, they work a little less hard to save you because they're like, oh, your body can go to science. She said, not everybody, but that's the thing in the community. They look at your license. They see it. They fucking see organ donor check.

That's scary, man. They may just it's all because again america's a business so is that they might finish their lemonade if they know that you want to give it up but yeah man it's true that's why and the number one donors for organ look man there's no there's no group that people love better than for organ donation than motorcyclists bro donate for life that's's a big one. If you want to get registered organ donate, you can do it

through donate for life. What is it? Motorcyclists because they're going to die in the motorcycle? They're always dying. They're always dying, right? That's where most organs

come from, motorcycles. Oh, damn, I didn't know that. You know, before you get a motorcycle, when you go to take the test, they tell you off the bat you have a 99% chance of getting a wreck.

99. 99% chance of wrecking. Of getting a wreck. They tell you that. Do you have a motorcycle license? No. Yeah, 99 chance of getting a wreck they tell you that you have a motorcycle license no yeah dude that's one of the things that scare me and that's why is my daughter like having a daughter i'm just like dude like fuck because you have two boys right two boys two boys see having a little girl i'm like fuck dude when i see like girl women on the back of like motorcycles i'm like if my daughter ever came over like her boyfriend had a motorcycle it's like you can't put my daughter on the back of that no we're gonna fight like i

just wouldn't allow i don't care if like you're intravenously using heroin but don't put her on a fucking motorcycle agree that's like i don't want that shit at all dude because you know something happened is when i was a kid we used to drive from new york to florida all the time with my what it was crazy was it would always be me my cousin who's the EMT my grandpa and then my grandpa would never take anybody else but his friend Lillian who was her age and I didn't realize like he was having a full affair on my grandma but he just said it was my friend Lillian so we would just like oh Lillian but he was saying nobody talking about Lillian she's she's a surprise you know surprise friend and we're like oh cool we got a surprise guest

from Florida so we would go with Lillian when my grandpa was just fully cheating on my grandmother but it's just whatever it is did you realize shit when you get old you're like oh wow dude i was complicit in ruining my grandmother's life but i was just a grandpa's busting that's what my grandpa was giving me fucking high c's taking me to cracker barrel let me whatever i want i was like this is great but he told we were in like wherever in virginia or something and a motorcycle like zoomed past us i never forget fucking fume and he goes we'll see that guy again trust me he goes fucking idiot we'll see that guy We were in like wherever, in Virginia or something, and a motorcycle like zoomed past us. I'll never forget. Fucking fumed. And he goes, we'll see that guy again. Trust me.

He goes, fucking idiot. We'll see that guy again. And I was like, what are you talking about? We're in a fucking bullshit Saturn. That guy's in a motorcycle going 100 miles an hour. Forget about it. 20 minutes later, we're bumper to bumper. Stop.

Traffic. Like dead stop. In park. Where my grandpa, you know, fucking whatever. We don't know what we're doing. Then all of a sudden, we're like creeping up the accident motorcycle in pieces sheet over the guy dude that exact motorcycle just bright red and i'm like that when i saw that i was like oh man oh wow grandpa does voodoo does voodoo and it's also like fucking motorcycles like i detach from

them i'm like holy shit ghost maker that ghost maker dude because his body must have flew how and they brought it all the way i tell my I tell my son stupid people drive motorcycles when they go between I go he goes he's stupid I go he's stupid you should do it. So then he goes to school and one of his friends dad's is on a motorcycle Tiger goes. Oh, he's stupid. He's stupid. Which is great Kids are fucking hilarious, dude Yeah kids, but we went over to um Whitney Cummings house the other day like like went in her pool to like hang out she was so nice like i gotta go over there she was so nice to me and my family my girl and my kids wait in encino her the one she's renting or the one no no her her like her her house that she's i live right there remodeling that's where you live i live literally

in that complex across the street cross street okay so it was beautiful so we had such a good time so in that so we had a good time and then you know she has such a beautiful home you know sick oh they rich sick well no it was beautiful but like my daughter like just being a kid and she was like um we're going home and she was like dad you like when we get back to new york daddy like you need to get you need to get us a pool like that i was like baby i'm trying you know i'm like trying so hard to like do that like daddy's a cunt and then and then i, you know, I'm just trying to do like step by step, you know, do this. And she was like, yeah.

She was like, but you know, she was like, maybe the way to get that is you need to dye your hair blue. She was like, you got to dye your hair blue hair. And I was like, wow. Like, that's what she thinks. Like as a, as a child, she's like, Hey, maybe if you just make yourself like, look, maybe like you need to stand out a little bit. She was basically saying like, get a fucking haircut, change your hairstyle.

You're not standing up. Change up your marketing. Yeah. She was like, she's onto something. She's onto something. Yeah. So, but it bit. She was basically saying like, get a fucking haircut, change your hairstyle. You're not standing up. Change up your marketing. Yeah. She was like, she's onto something. She's onto something. Yeah. So,

but it was, it was the, the, I will say for as much as in New York, the thing that people say is fuck the people in LA. I gotta be honest with you. The people are so much kinder in LA than they were in New York. Like nobody's inviting you to their house in,

in, in New York. It's not happening, but out here, everyone's like, come hang. I'll show you this. Nobody's inviting you to their house in New York. It's not happening. But out here, everyone's like, come hang, I'll show you this, I'll show you that. So whatever that stigma about LA people not being nice people. That's Hollywood shit.

That's Hollywood business shit. I've been here for a month and a half. I've seen quite the opposite. I've been invited to my house seven times. Seven times. And I've said no seven times. Yes. But you're coming Thursday.

I'm coming Thursday. People are, well, people have houses here, so that's probably easier. Right. But then I think people are, well, yeah, because in New York, it's like, that's the thing. It's like, no one's going to invite you over to their apartment because it's a fucking super spreader event. It's like, at least you can go outside here and just be like chilling. But everyone's been nice.

The only dickhead is somebody came up to my my daughter and uh you know my girl and everybody in the park because nobody was wearing masks because we're like oh we're outside gay in a fucking park balboa park yep and somebody came on me too yep and somebody came over because that's a great park right there and somebody came over so i was like hey can you please have your kids put their mask on you pissed down their throats no i didn't say anything dude when situations like that happen i say nothing dude i just because they don't realize they just walked into a fucking hornet's nest. I mean, she's a Puerto Rican pregnant woman.

So she was like, take one more step close to me and your face is going to be in the sand, motherfucker. That's what she said. Swear to God. She goes, take one more step, your face will be in the sand. And they backed up. And you know what she said to me? She goes, as a matter of fact, I need you to get the fuck away from my children. I don't trust you.

She's like, I don't trust you to get away from my children. When she said my children, I was like, was like oh she's using the big words she said stay the away from my children your hand out of my pocket years old i swear to god i was like oh i was behind like gang gang yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yo but who else wants up but that guy dude i could see he's never seen because people you know they feel privileged to. It gives people power when they see people without masks because they finally can take power and go, you need to put a mask on because I'm outside, bitch. I've noticed most people it's passive aggressive here. Correct.

And Jasmine, my girl was aggressive, aggressive. Yeah. She again, tell her run for office. We need her here. No, she, yeah, she would. If she didn't have a felony conviction, she would. In another year, only one will be welcome yeah i have to have one to be a politician 100 bro well look man i want to say this before we

get off man we we just you know like i know we talk about race stuff on here bro but i think everybody's good there's all types of good people and i think all of us just have to try and lean into that the more i lean into the negative shit, the more it's a part of my life. It'll eat you up. It really will, man. It'll eat you the fuck up. Dude, I teach my child, what I try to say is you lead with love, you treat everybody with kindness and respect.

And it'll work out. No matter what they look like, don't worry about people saying you're not doing enough. All those people are people trying to keep causing division. Anybody who comes into your physical presence, you treat them with kindness and respect as long as they're treating you with kindness and respect. And if they don't, then you tell mom and dad you know preferably dad because mom will fucking light somebody up yeah and mom's already got one

felon yeah dad dad mom's gonna get locked up yeah no no mom has a gun in her handbag you know what i mean so so that's what i was trying to say because my whole thing is like all this stuff that happens with our world it's like – like everything is fine right now. I woke up today. My family is fine. If I saw an injustice, I would act on it. Sometimes I feel like, man, is it better to be less informed to have a healthier, happier life if you're trying to just be a good person and not trying to be racist or sex or anything? Because it's like I wake up.

Everything was fine. But then I check my Twitter feed or the news and I have to see the problems happening in another place that doesn't affect me. But they're only showing you the negative and that's what I'm saying they're only showing you that because the overwhelming majority of people I'm talking about 99 percent hundreds of millions potentially billions of people are just doing the right thing but the small percentage does a bad thing gets exploded in the media and then galvanizes people to say oh there's all these issues and then you're so ready for megan kelly dude dude i mean for us it's a little boring but for megan kelly you're gonna fucking crush it crush it dude

yeah but also i mean yeah it's like uh yeah everybody's doing good stuff and we gotta we gotta monitor our attention like what we focus on like but every time i go click on something and i give my attention to it that just i'm i'm telling i know i know it's cliche to say or you guys i don't see anything dude i post i don't see anything but no that's the thing whatever we give our attention to that's why it keeps growing too because we even if you just go watch it even if you just go watch it and you don't let it but every time we give our attention to stuff man so i uh yeah i'm just saying i gotta do a better job of keeping my attention you have to you gotta be more disciplined yeah i do a good job it's a discipline thing i don't look

at the comments at all it's a discipline thing yeah that's all it is i don't look at instagram stories i have no idea what's going on you just post a story and move on it's a lot of romanian women online i will say this and they are not responding to that hand i said dude the romanian women dude there was romanian girl in my neighborhood can we get a slave ship of romanian women over here jesus christ dude oh god she was smoking hot dude oh i want to say this dude i'm glad you're back brother you're back back i love you bro good to be back chrissy d thanks for this i'll be in naples florida this month april i forget the dates uh i think it's the 17th or something, the 19th. And then Austin, Texas, Volcon Gas Company with the squad,

April 22nd through the 24th. 15th through 17th, Naples. 15th through 17th, Naples, Florida. And then Austin is the 22nd, 24th. Yeah, and I'm going to be doing one show in Addison. I'm going to come and look at a place to maybe shoot a special. So I'm going to be coming over there. I don't know what night it will be yet. Yeah, I think it's going to be at maybe shoot a special. So I'm going to be coming over there. I don't know what night it'll be yet.

Yeah, I think it's going to be at Addison Improv. So I'm going to be coming over there and then I don't know where else. I'm going to be doing a tour but it's going to be later this year. So we're putting the dates together now. We were supposed to co-headline

maybe something in Tampa. Oh yeah, we should do that again. But your fucking agent said no good. Your agent said, told my agent, hey listen, Theo will sell 300 times the tickets Chris will. So they're not co-headlined. Did he really?

I said fucking respect. I said respect to you, but I said you keep that energy when you see me, player. I said you keep that energy. That's Mike Berkowitz, dude. That's what it is, dude. I'll fucking, listen, dude. Find him on IG.

Mike Berkowitz, he wants to do it. I'll fucking beat you. Here's the thing. I'm going to send my Puerto Rican girlfriend to beat your fucking ass, dude. Yeah, dude. Because if I hit you, it'll be a hate crime because I look like young Joseph Earl. You know what we should do, though, Chrissy?

What we should do is the three of us should do one show somewhere. Let's do it. Ooh, yeah. In Phoenix or something. I can tell by Theo's response it was immediate. No? It's a no. But you and I will get together.

It was so obvious. He's not in. You and I will get together. We'll do it. I need to do it. Dude, I've been, yeah, at my stand-up, I'm going to be out doing stand-up again in the summer, but until then,

because I got to do this Backyard Bar Wars shit, christycomedy.com, patreon.com slash christycomedy. I'm putting out content there that I'm the most proud of, so go check that out. And my podcast,

Christy Chaos and Hey Babe, Tuesdays and Thursdays comes out. My God, you're staying busy, man. I got to do it, baby. I mean, I got fucking my kid and I got a second kid on the way, due date July 4th. The only two options for that name, you know it, dude dude my baby's born july 4th what's the name

theodora fucking donald you get a spanish female donald trump dog that's elected yeah dude That's elected. Elected, dude. That's elected. Yo, I mean, dude, if I got a Puerto Rican daughter named Donald Trump and you still don't want to subscribe to my Patreon, that's your fault. That's your fault. We love you, man. Love you. Thanks for having me, boys.

Yeah. Brendan and Theo, fighter in weight. I got to go in and go hard in the paint. I do not think. I am in flow. Black rifle coffee, I'm ready to go. I need a sponsor. I am a monster monster About to open up with this at my concerts Flow is contagious, brows are outrageous

Thicker than girls that are Instagram famous Damn, hungry like I'm fresh off keto Seeing red like Andrew Santino Every song I hit like the great Bambino Brennan ate the queso and the quesoritos But everything's gonna be fine Hate on me, I do not mind Theo looking like the type of dude that got a pack of matches in his pockets at all times I hate sorritos, but everything's gonna be fine. Hate on me, I do not mind.

Theo looking like the type of dude that got a pack of matches in his pockets at all times. They sliding into my DMs. A couple of you tried but couldn't beat him. Quit playing like Nintendo DS. You don't want to smoke like Joey Diaz. Meaning y'all edible. Just got my eyebrows threaded and I'm feeling incredible. Brandon's son hit me up.

He said it's too loud in the club. Can you pick me up? King and the sting. King and the sting. Oh yeah. son hit me up. He said it's too loud in the club. Can you pick me up? King and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, bee sting rat king, king and the sting, king and the sting, got the bees in a trap, got the cheese on a string.