The Golden Hour - Episode 119: Felons Gonna Felon

Episode Date: April 30, 2021

The boys take live call-in's from convicted felons and talk faberge eggs, anteater tongues, producer Nick's adoption, Netflix’s Serpent, rainbow fights and more. Also, artist Joe Hunsaker aka SmokeyJoePaintCo stops in to surprise the guys with a beautiful custom KATS painting and much more!Get your King and the Sting merch at katsmerch.com  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This episode of the King of the Sting is brought to you by Unleashed with the Dingo and Danny, a new podcast. Ooh, I'm Dingo. I'm Dingo. Okay, I'll be Danny. Fueled by Monster Energy. I'm going to be Danny. I like the name Dingo. I'll be Danny.

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Hans Mollenkamp unleashed with Danny and the Dingo, fueled by Monster Energy. We're going to send you $300 to do something fun with the kiddos. Are you serious? Yeah, man. It's not much, but it's something just a little, just a little, uh, welcome back to regular life fun. That's what's up. I appreciate it.

I'm about to call the weed guy and tell him to update me. I knew it! Dang, dang. Buzz Buzz! Back off my broccolini. Get your life together. It is. Don't touch me, bro. Iini. Get your life together. It is. Don't touch me, bro.

I'm not touching you, dude. Say something, I'm giving up on you. Damn, story of my life, man. Mm-hmm. Oh, a lot of conversations I never had with people. I'm proud to be an American. At least I know I'm free that's all i know how this song it's a good song man you know at one time it was one of the top 50 songs in america

oh yeah yeah when how did it chart can you see how that song charted nick it's an older song right i think so something no one's writing new songs about america are they greenwood that's what it is lee greenwood made that hitter and when did it really when did it chart how high did it get what do you think it made top 20 for sure how could you not it's as american as it gets i think it was like around the same time as like that um and i will always love you by whitney houston oh that Whitney Houston. Oh, that old? Number seven. Number 16 on billboards. That was 1984. God.

Why don't we remix that shit? It said it charted to number one after 36 years because of Trump. America. Really? Yeah. Wow. Anyway. Here we are. We're back at it back at it dog dude i'm trying to think of what's going on oh i uh uh somebody sent me a fabers egg man you ever had one of those bring it up nick

is that what uh that's the colorful eggs right the fancy eggs yeah worth a lot of money you didn't try and eat it did you somebody sent Somebody sent me a Febbers egg, man. Look at it. These bitches are nice, dude. There you go. I got to get some pictures of it. It's nice. Is it nice?

It's like those? What the fuck you do with that? I guess you put it in your house? Centerpiece for the new crib? Look at that bird one. Yeah, something like that. Make an omelet, baby. Look at that bastard.

Man, I'd rather see a cat bear get get your crib that's really yeah for me put a straw in it you ever put a straw in a cabaret egg no that's a great idea i could easily see you doing that no i just use my tongue like an anteater dude will you have cabaret eggs at your crib when i go over yeah i will thanks man i'll get some you want me to hide them or just leave them out? Just leave them out. Don't make me work for it. Oh, damn, dog. You're getting lazy, bro.

You should put one of those on your wife, bro. That's how you do it, dude. Just hide one of those in the old lady, you know, and go find it. Get that anteater out. Yeah. Do anteaters have long tongue or what is it? Oh, yeah. Dude, you ever seen an anteater tongue?

Mm-mm. And what they do is they stick that whole tongue down that ant house and just load up the tongue full of black ants. How do they get it in the little ant holes? They're designed to go down them holes. Ooh. Look at that thing. Okay, Manny.

Okay. I think how fun that must be. Okay, Dora. Look at that thing. Can you get a video of that thing doing a little bit of work, Nick, or what? Oh, yeah. Bring that shit up. Nick's bringing up still images like it's 1999.

Yeah. Takes you drawing an ante for us. Yeah, they're designed to eat them ants, man. That's wild. Look at those big mounds. These giant mounds are the work of millions of termites I'm these tireless men, but far more lush I'll look out the try make it all suspenseful. Yeah, we're in it's an

Juicy no They almost look like a reindeer huh aren't they cool oh they naughty get them hoes someone said they can smell cancer too if it's in you i bet they go get cancer bro dude that's the thing everybody keeps messing with these dogs saying hey smell who's got cancer get an anteater at the airport, dog. Dude, yeah. How'd the thing lick my butt? Look at that thing.

Dude, how'd the thing lick my butt, dude? Okay, go ahead, Manny. Yeah, get you some. Oh, Dora. Dude, get nose deep in that ass. Yeah, look at that, Daddy. Percocet, baby. You got to be on some Percocet, some of that kind of work.

Molly Percocet. Dude, that's really, yeah. Mask on, man. I'm all for anteaters. That's that cocaine. Dude, let's get a baby anteater as the mascot in here. I don't know. Can you see how much they are, Nick?

Take it out of my pay and buy an anteater. Okay. Well, let me see how much they are. Okay. Are they legal, Nick? Ranging costs from $3,500 to $8,000. Oh, dude, take it on my pay and buy one. Ooh, I don't want the white one.

Really? No, I want the more chocolate one. Anteater behavior. What does it say? They visit many nests each day. Oh, they're blind, basically. They got anals. Oh, and threaten or attack.

Anteater will back up against a tree or grab onto branch with their tail and defend themselves with their claws. They also have another line of defense, liquid that is four times more potent than a skunk's scent. Hell yeah. It comes out of their buttocks. It's going to smell like shit in here. Wow.

I don't know if it's a poop smell, you think? Oh, I bet it's horrid. Worse than a skunk? I don't want any. You don't? Okay. I do not want any of that. Yeah, I don't think we'd get it, man.

Hold on. It says if it's prolonged temperature above 90, it does get hot in here. If it's kept too cold at 65 or below, your anteater can become sick. Oh, we don't want an anteater with a runny nose. Oh, can you imagine how much runny would come out of it? They got big old snout. And then Nick and Jim, you guys trade off whose house it's going to stay at during the weekends,

like a kid? Dude, I got to tell you this. You got to watch the movie, the TV show Serpent. Serpent? It's on Netflix, yeah. What's it about? Bro, it's good. And it looks horrible from the way they advertise it.

It just looks bad. That's it right there. I literally cannot wait to leave here and go watch it. That's how good it is. Oh, it's about serial killers? Bro, it's good. Really? Yes.

Is there subtitles? Is it a foreign film? No, it's a little bit of both, but only a little bit of subtitles. But it's so good, man. You still haven't told me what it's about. It's good. I know you keep saying that. It's about killers, bro.

Oh, I'm in. You can't handle? You think you can fight a killer? Yeah, I'd beat the shit out of Jeffrey Dahmer. When you were a kid, you think a child predator would have got you? Oh, yeah. Easy with Cadbury eggs, a van. I've always liked vans.

Oh. That'd be an easy snatch. Easy snack for them boys. Damn. Don't you think you'd be pretty easy to get in the truck back in the day? I think I would have. I think I would have. I wonder who would have been more likely to get kidnapped.

Didn't we already do this? I don't think so. Nick, you were never kidnapped? I don't think so. I was adopted. That's kind of the same thing. Oh, yeah. You don't know your real parents? He were never kidnapped? I don't think so. I was adopted. That's kind of the same thing. Oh, yeah. You don't know your real parents?

It's like kidnapped by the devil. He does. He knows his mom, right? Sorry, Nick. No, it's all good. I know my mom. No real or any desire to have interaction with my dad, but I know my mom a little bit.

A little bit. I sense a little bit of hate in your voice when you talk about your dad. Nick. Brendan. He's perceptive. He's perceptive he's perceptive yeah brendan well now you can't blame the guy the guy just dipped out on you and then probably not you're this famous producer he wants to be back in your life what if he was like in a car accident or something he wasn't he wasn't oh he wasn't he's just a deadbeat am i right nick

damn you know he lives in wisconsin i believe. Damn. You know he lives in Wisconsin? I believe so. I think he lives in my hometown. No way. He's just like a drip streetwalker. No way. Oh, wow. He just strolls the streets? Mm-hmm.

You think he's ever done any crime? Definitely. Hell yeah, Nick. Now he sounds kind of cool. You don't want to reach out to him and get him in the culture corner? Maybe. Maybe. That'd be crazy if he came in here.

That's how dedicated Nick is to the show. Yeah. Look at his estranged dad. I put it aside. I do see that. Chin can't even get any of his family members in here. You guys want him in there? Huh?

You guys want my family members in there? Yeah, get some of those snail hunters in here, dude. Look at the snail hunters. Do you have any family members that are super charismatic that would just blow us away? As much as me? It's charismatic, and his aunt is hot. Yeah, you get that bad. If my aunt came in, she's loud and crazy.

You would love her. Yeah, sounds like a great time. Isn't she in Texas? Yeah, she's in Texas. What part? They just recently moved near the coast area. Houston's near the coast? Might be right near there i'll let her know don't come to show i'll keep her out yeah dude um i'll tell you this let's talk oh oh today well we also have oh but serpent you got to see it man i don't work

for serpent this isn't an ad but man if you like crime you crime, you like secrecy. Yeah, I like all that. And also the way it's shot, Brandon. This is what you don't understand about a lot of television. The way it's shot. Style. Very good. I'm in, dude. I told you I was in from the jump. You keep selling it. Yeah, well go watch it then. Is this going to be a read on King of the Sting

now? If you cared, you'd watch it on your phone right now. Okay? I got into 60 days in man did you this guy's a convicted felon oh he is i think so sorry brother i shouldn't have said that i didn't know you were on yet because with that backdrop that doesn't scream convicted felon yeah it does he could be anywhere right now you think that's a real bridge behind him i thought he was on golden gate i think your volume your volume man you gotta change the this is you have any felons in your family i think so nick's dad was a felon i bet you think nick uh almost guarantee it

hey can you put a swipe up to who's more likely to get kidnapped as a child me or brendan yeah christian and what you provide your brother we can almost hear you we just can't hear you yet or Brendan? Yeah. Christian? Sorry, brother. We can almost hear you. We just can't hear you yet. So it's okay. We're just gonna... I think it's on his end. Christian, probably get a picture of me and Theo as kids, though. I was a cute-ass kid.

Probably get a picture of me and Theo as kids and see who's more likely to be kidnapped. Oh, yeah, do I? On Instagram somewhere. I'll send you some. Is it on his end, Nick?

You guys got me now? There it is. Yeah, alright. What's up, Brendan? What's up, Theo? What's up, brother? What's going on, man? What up? You know, out here we're living dangerously, so

the reason I became a felon was I was part of a cannabis grow with three other homies up in Marin, and one day one of them got pissed off at another and tried to fucking kill him with a baseball bat while he was sleeping. A metal baseball bat.

Somehow he was able to escape out the room, burst into my room. I was able to tackle her, take the baseball bat. She ran away. The other roommate ended up trying to drive him to the ER, but she was fucking waiting for him, and she rammed his little Honda Fit off the road with her big-ass van she called the Biohazard Battle Cruiser.

fit off the road with her big ass van she called the biohazard battle cruiser and so they had to roll back me and my now ex so we had to rush him to the er and we were waiting in the waiting room at the er and sure enough a couple cops pull up i gave him the low low down and on our way home with my busted ass friend with 60 stitches in his head we arrived and greeted with the drug task force there and uh just because the marijuana stuff yeah yeah this is back in the day then daddy it was 10 years ago it's not that long ago brennan it's only a decade a long time because we decided 800 plants indoors is too much so you know we got busted uh they tried to hit me with four felonies i took a plea deal amen and they gave me one felony but they chose the worst one they chose using a place of residence to store and process narcotics so it

sounded like i was cooking meth oh yeah yeah and yeah that shit. So how long did you do in the slammer? That's also, before we go on, that's also, I think, a good way to describe Shoney's as well, whatever you just described. I had to do, part of the deal was I was able to do 29 eight-hour work days with the Park Rangers. It wasn't that bad, but it still sucked because that was a lot of time. Yeah, when you got a felony on your record it's tough to live that down brandon you don't know that i don't but i've heard i watched a lot of these days i'm sorry brother um what so what was the toughest part about living in a place where people didn't even have or you guys what do you what were you guys

doing in there you guys were but you you never did any uh real jail time right you were you were helping out the fucking no jail time just uh just the work days 300 hours community service uh you know i lost my job couldn't get an apartment uh all this told you bullshit that comes with it you know and do you feel like the punishment fit the crime i do not uh because especially that girl that tried to kill my roommate got those charges dropped so oh wow i was like man and how did she get them dropped what was she what did she say she'd been kidnapped or something no i don't know they were just like well you're already doing time for attempted murder so we'll just drop this one oh oh so she did some hardcore time she's still doing like 12 years she's in there maybe she's out right now i hope not i don't know you know they're releasing criminals

yeah the code yeah dude totally they'll let anybody out to rob a footlocker dude yep um now what about this so she hit him with that baseball bat and then while he was asleep yep oh i like four in the morning imagine waking up to that shit, a metal baseball bat, man. Was she hot? Hit me after seven, bro. Do not hit me around. Was she hot? Not hot, not into men, so it wasn't going to work out.

Do you think any of the crime was motivated by the fact that she hated men overall? Maybe. I wouldn't put it. That's hate crime. I still wonder why. There's a lot of hate crimes going on there. Sometimes people paint people black and go leave them outside somewhere

so people will hit them. See it all the time. I haven't seen it that much. No, not that much. So now that you're a felon, what else is going on? You know, just trying to get by, focusing on work, trying to get ahead, trying to get around these obstacles, going to try to get this felony expunged since it's all legal now.

So can you never get it off your record? I could. I got an attorney, and she says she could be able to wipe it off. So then hopefully I could start living life now after all this. Man, what a tough gig, dude. And are you still selling weed or drugs? No, not anymore. It's not worth it.

After legalization, prices dropped and I just threw in the towel, got a real job. Go ahead, Brendan. What do you do now? I'm a construction inspector. Oh, yeah. Okay. I like that. Pretty chill.

Do you miss the fucking game? Do you miss being caught up, the hustle? I miss, because after that, I started growing outdoors up in the mountains, and I do miss waking up early, smoking a joint, watering the plants, hanging out, living life slow. But it's just the inconsistency on the paydays is what really makes it hard. Do you have to shake some people down that didn't pay you? No, no, unfortunately not. I never had to do that.

But when I lived in the mountains, we had some neighbors. They were a winery, and the winery workers had a history of coming down to that property and jacking everyone. So I just had to walk around with a gun and be like, yeah, don't fuck with me.

They didn't end up robbing me that year, so it worked out. So there's a lot of beef. There's a lot of beef out there between, there was a lot of beef between wine and weed workers out there? Well, if the wine workers see the- Grapes and vapes, baby.

These people go mad. Yeah, they'll come down. They'll take some home, you know? And who is it, honestly? Was it Mexicans? Yeah. Yes. Yeah.

I'm Mexican too. I mean, it's just- I'm Mexican. Formed an alliance for that year I was there. Right, right, right. So you got to really, so there's a lot of turf wars going on out there. Oh, it gets crazy up in the mountains, man. You never know what to expect.

You should have sent that lesbian with a bad attitude to patrol the fucking plants, dog. Yeah, Rainbow Fight. You should have sent that broad of it at her freaking hustle up a little bit, dude. Send Big Gene up there and hit some bitches with the face with the bat well look man i'm gonna say this we want to we're gonna throw we want to

send you 500 bucks to help out with the felony to pay your attorney man so that'll just a little just a little something just to help you out and keep you motivated man it's tough to bounce back from felonies and uh that's it man that's all i can think of right now. I don't know what else to say. Thank you guys so much. Holy shit. Does the 500 helps out? Oh, yeah, yeah, definitely. Helps get the ball rolling. I have an attorney picked out, so.

Oh, shit, let's do it. Get the process going and finished. Yeah, get that shit put behind you, bro. You know what I'm saying? We got to fight back against angry lesbians and angry straights you can't let them win man yep nope peace and love man that's what we gotta strive for amen dude well look man keep growing a bright future for yourself bro and uh and if you do get back in the game get into some fucking coke or something something i can do yeah and don't fall asleep around any lesbians. I learned from it, my man.

I know. Huh? Keep an eye out. Yeah. All right, brother. Good luck, man. Yeah. We'll send you that money.

If that helps, I'll definitely help you out, man. Awesome, man. Thank you guys so much. Yeah, you bet, Eric. Thanks for checking out the show. Gang, gang, baby. Yeah. Buzz, buzz.

Man, one of my biggest problems, Brendan, is guess what it is. I would probably say shipping packages, man. exhausting how'd you know that because i have the same freaking problem do you my problem is also doing all the tape and everything and they don't even know where to go so i'm gonna get the brocks put together i'm so exhausted i don't know what to what to do well thank god for ship station ship station the number one shipping software for e-commerce sellers with more than five-star reviews than anyone. All right? Import orders from any sales channel. Ship with any carrier using the deeply discounted rates.

Oh, that's nice. Automate just about any shipping task. Spend a lot less time, Theo, on shipping. Hey, call me Dingo. And a lot more time growing your business. I'm Dingo. No matter what you're selling, Amazon, Etsy, your own merch, ShipStation funnels all your orders into one simple interface

that you can manage from anywhere, even through cell phone. You'll even get access to amazing discounts with major carriers, including UPS, FedEx, and USPS. Easily compare carriers, choose the best solution every time. With ShipStation,

small business can now access the same rates that are usually reserved for large fancy fortune 500 companies ship more in less time use our offer code kats to get a 60-day free trial the thing is if you're shipping stuff already see if you could save money man that's the thing and get it there betterize your business man that's shipstation. And get it there. Betterize your business, man. That's ShipStation.com. Enter offer code K-A-T-S. Make ship happen. Just go to ShipStation.com.

Click on the microphone at the top of the page. Type in K-A-T-S. That's ShipStation.com. Enter the offer code K-A-T-S. Make ship happen. Oh, man. You know good and well I need help, baby. You need help, daddy.

And I got something for you. Listen, is there something interfering with your happiness? Yes. Is it preventing you from achieving your goals? Yes. Is it ruining this podcast? Yes. BetterHelp will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist.

You can start communicating under 48 hours. It's not crisis line. It's not self-help. It's professional counseling done securely online. Quit talking to your friends, man. Get a real professional. Your friend is an idiot, man. Yeah, an idiot, but pretty mentally stable. You can log into your account anytime and send a message to your counselor.

All right? BetterHelp is committed to facilitating great therapeutic matches. Catch me outside, baby. What's up, daddy? Making it easy and free to change counsel if you need it. It's more affordable than traditional offline counseling, and financial aid is available. So BetterHelp wants you to start living a happy life today.

Get off the drugs and get off the BS, man. Quit lying to yourself. Quit lying to your daddy, man, if your daddy's alive. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp and King and the Sting listeners. Get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash K-A-T-S. Quit lying to your podcast host. In fact, so many people have been using BetterHelp. They are recruiting additional counselors in all 50 states.

And people are getting better. Yeah, I think. I saw some of them the other day. I was like, damn, are y'all better? They're like, yep. Wow, man. This podcast, King and the Sting is sponsored by BetterHelp. And you guys get listeners.

You guys get 10% off your first month. BetterHelp.com slash K-A-T-S. I said it. Lauren is not a felon. We are waiting on one who just joined, actually. But she has a relationship advice. Yeah, I'd rather talk to Lauren. Than felons.

What's up, girls? Sorry, we're busy talking to hairy felons. So this is a refreshing call. Yeah. Good, yeah. I'm not a felon here just the mom what happened to y'all's dad nothing my dad no i have relationship advice or question for you guys um i just had a baby a year ago right when the pandemic started and uh my husband he's ready for baby number two and i could use another year or two, I think, before we have another one.

So I wanted to get y'all's input on it. Yeah, you don't want to get carpal tunnel in your vagina, you know what I'm saying? I think you've got to back off a year and give that thing a little bit of rehab time, you know? Nah, here's the thing, you're in it. So, you know, it's like Navy SEALs bud camp. You're in it.

So you might as well just knock another one out so the kids are close so they can play together keep each other entertained so it's gonna be hell for about two years but i'm with i'm with the dude i hate to side with your man but i would just grind it out knock that little sucker out yeah now my now my girl's the same so i have a five-year-old and a one-year-old, so she wanted a lot of time off. And looking back, do you wish you'd have done it tightened up, Brendan? Fuck yeah. I want like five kids. Isn't it nice, though? They're like, there's a little bit of an age, and the five-year-old can like help out.

He helps out, yeah, for sure. I just wish they were a little closer in age, you know, because he's going to be like a senior when Boston's a freshman, you know, so that's always weird. And if you do it too far apart, they really don't know each other. Like how old's your brother, Theo? My brother. How much older is he than you?

40 years, 50 years. He's 40. I don't know how old he is. Yeah. But I hope he's doing good. So you got a one-year-old, then you want to wait like three years, you think? I think like two more years, probably. That's funny.

The pandemic, having him right when lockdown started was not fun. Oh, that's a beast. Yeah. But that that's a beast. Yeah. But that's true, though, now. Why do you think your man wants it right away? He wants what? Why?

He wants a lot of kids. He's 35. Okay. I turn 30 in a couple weeks, so I just have some time. He's trying to get you to turn and burn off that little omelet down there. I feel you. He probably realizes, but it's just a grind grind but the problem is once the kid gets like three the grind becomes easier then you forget how much of a you know you're in it man so you just want to knock it out it's gonna be a beast for those two three years yeah but then if you do wait too long you keep

restarting keep going through it and you could do a smoothie too for a baby or even a child. Yep. I mean, over... Please, thanks, guys. Yeah, hopefully that helps. And I'm sorry I gave you any advice. I have no kids and also I'm lonely and also have a lot of different problems that keep me from staying in relationships and really achieving probably decent sexual intimacy stuff.

Stuff like that. But you look nice outside. Yeah, you look great outside yeah you look great super nice here good luck with the kiddo sweet thanks guys love you guys yeah we're gonna go talk to felons now thanks for your call thanks gang see ya that is what we passed away no sir you assumed that that's what we call a milf Where I come from Really Oh yeah

She was pretty hot Chin what do you think When you see a woman like that A white woman Do you feel like they accept you Or they don't Some are into Some are into me

But when I see her I'm gonna guess probably not Something about that tattoo That huge tattoo on the right arm Or left Yeah right arm Yeah right arm Reminded you of what

Some war or something that happened So you think the sleeve makes her not into Asians? For some reason, it's clicking in my head. Like, hmm, if it was just purely no tattoos. It was a little too Aryan Nation for you. I think a little too. A little bit of Iwo Jima flashback. Harley motorcycle kind of stuff.

That IJ. 4x4 trucks. Okay. Okay. Yeah. You're probably right, Chen. You know, it's funny, man, because I never ever have felt any attraction from an Asian woman

Not once It's rare It's very rare Isn't it? That's what it feels like But they were attractive, but you don't feel it? I just never, I never once have I thought Oh, this Asian girl likes me

But have you been around a lot of Asian girls? I've been around some, not that many But not a ton, right? Me neither. Right. I feel like if we're around them more, they'd dig us. Yeah, you might be right. Yeah, Asians love white guys. They do?

They do. Well, you gotta tell them to love harder. All right. Or you gotta tell them to be a little more obvious, because I'm not picking up the fucking signs. Yeah, put it on your story, dude. Yeah, man. This is Kalen.

We can't hear you, Kalen. If you can change your audio to... And Kalen did felony? Yeah, Kalen. We can't hear you, Kalen, if you can change your audio to... And Kalen did felony? Yeah, Kalen's a felon. Oh, wow. Yeah, huh? Do some time in my heart, huh?

Can do some time in my mind when I get home. What? Sorry. She's wearing some Theo merch. Be good to yourself hoodie right there. Can you hear us, Kalen? I don't think she can Boy, all these felons have problems with the sound, huh? Ours is correct

Must be a felon thing Yeah, well apparently they couldn't hear their parents telling them Tighten up when they were young either And there's Meat Hawk or whatever that kid's name is What's up, dog? I thought you were coming to tell us something No, he always has that look on his face like he just heard something Yeah His name is Meat Hawk or whatever that kid's name is. What's up, dog? I thought you were coming to tell us something. He always has that look on his face like he just heard something.

Yeah. Can you hear us, Caitlin? What's up, girl? I don't think she can. Oh, she can see us. She can see us. We can't hear you. We can't hear you.

Oh, she can't hear us. It's her settings. Can you change your settings she's gonna try oh she might be outside oh she lives outside maybe some felon thing where they can't facetime and she's an air conditioner plugged in outside what is that that's an air conditioner what area is that garage or outside outside looks like outside oh all right okay there we go no hey what's up girl what's up oh my god i'm so sorry so i like know nothing about zoom that's all right neither during the whole pandemic i've never had to use it so i'm like trying to have help people help me out so that's why so

many people are getting in trouble nobody really knows knows how to use it. Yeah. Like I literally had to have my teenage son help me to learn how to use it. So, Oh, well that's nice then. What, um, what's going on? I see you got that be good to yourself hoodie right there.

I sure do. And I like your nails. I love you guys. You have on, I'm a huge fan of both of you. Oh, thank you. Kaylin. And you, it's nice you to throw Brendan in there as well. Yeah, she on. I'm a huge fan of both of you. Oh, thank you, Caitlin.

And you, it's nice you to throw Brendan in there as well. Yeah, she did. I was the side piece. And I picked up on that. I'm glad. Yeah. More gang than buzz. Yeah.

That's okay. Everyone has their favorites. Yeah. Everybody's got some people. Yeah. It's either a little more gang or a little more buzz. What, um, what's going on? Amen.

Yeah. You're a felon. Um, so you're a felon.. What's going on? Maybe a little more gang. Amen. Yeah, you're a felon. So you're a felon? That's freaking, honestly, I feel like it's kind of attractive almost. Yeah, it turned you on, right? Yeah. Now, what happened? Did they put you in handcuffs?

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. What happened, girl? I don't have the greatest legal history. Oh, yeah. What happened, girl? I don't have the greatest like legal history. Yeah. I've struggled with addiction like most of my adult life. So so I was always kind of in and out of jails. But yeah, like I went.

So I live in Washington and I had taken a trip with my baby's daddy to Idaho. And he was going to like do a drug deal. But so he got set up. And obviously we had no idea until they followed us until we got into Idaho. And then literally like Idaho is zero tolerance for drugs. So like when it comes down to it, no matter what you have or what story, like they're just hitting you with time. So just because you were with him, you got busted.

Oh yeah. Yeah. Even though like I stated, like I knew what we were doing, but I never stated, I just knew we had drugs on us, but just for being there so how much time did you do so i did three years yeah let's go three years a hard time in the idaho state prison there yeah yeah it was three years mandatory minimum and it was day for day like in most prisons in other states you'll get like like good time, work time, like time and a half.

Like Idaho's no joke. Like day for day. What are some things you honestly that in a little bit of a way you miss about it? Oh, my gosh. So I guess kind of the structure, like something. I don't know. You don't really have to think about like what am i going to do today like it's all just kind of your meal times at the time in prison like i was working jobs like i had stuff to do i definitely stayed busy yeah so i was just kind of that

idle time i guess and was there any look, you're obviously an attractive woman or you look attractive over Zoom. And, um, but is there like a lot of, does it get to the point where you kind of like find affection with women because there's no men around or what happens with that with the men's?

So, no. So I personally, no. I never did. It's called gay for the stay. That was kind of the term. That makes sense. Yeah, it's like at Ramada. But it's like a really big thing in women's prisons. Whether or not you're a lesbian, I would say about 75% of the women there. Oh, that's hot yeah turn out gay for the stay so i personally did not if i mean if i was it may have been with more time but three years did not three years three years gay yeah

three year i mean you can get through three years yeah yeah now i watched a lot of 60 days in did you were you with like a posse straight through the weight was i what did you have like a posse like people that protected you was is it like the female prisons or no so it wasn't so i was in kind of like a minimum security prison they have like oh a higher risk prison like a papa's chicken but um but i mean everybody kind of clicks up but there's not really not like a lot of fights or anything breaking out. It's more just like drama, like women just kind of fight with their mouths. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Everybody just talk shit. Now, there's a lot of drugs in prison, too. Like in six days in, everybody getting high. Yeah. Yeah. That is a fact. Was it hard to stay clean in prison? Was it tougher to stay clean in prison than out of prison?

You know, it really, um, like it didn't, it came around, but honestly it was like the facility I was at, you still, you get kind of random drug tested every now and then. It only happened to me twice, but I don't know, like something about three years clean and being three years behind bars, I just kind of realized like, you know, it's not worth it. Cause I, I also had with three years,

I had five years hanging over my head of probation. So when it came up to my three years, like there was a chance I might not be getting out. And that was something that they like take into consideration. Like, were you a good inmate? Did you fuck up a lot so and how long did you after you got out did you take on a date or a lover if you if it's okay

to ask that i don't want to be inappropriate i know you said you have children and stuff but i'm just kind of curious like a couple weeks yeah let's go huh yeah of course is there is there a felon dating site? Like felons only? Yeah. I'm sure there is. I really wasn't. So when I got out, I honestly, I just started like kind of hitting up guys that I knew. Yeah.

And it was really risky because it was like guys that I knew from the past. There's kind of a chance they may not be. So, but yeah, the guy, he's actually my husband now. We a daughter what a love story our first house so so that was actually a really good risk like he was actually newly clean when i got out so and you guys oh yeah we've been good you guys are you guys are clean together now yes yes that's awesome congratulations yeah and coming up in July, I'll have eight years. Oh, damn. You're doing the damn thing. Let's go.

Our producer Nick could use a year. Yeah. We don't have a year between the two of you. If you want to give a year to anybody, Nick could definitely use one. If you don't mind me asking, what was your drug of choice back in the day? Heroin. Oh, yeah. Heroin. Yeah. If I if i was gonna do something it'd

be that yeah yeah that's go big or go home oh yeah that's that big boy yeah you gotta go with the big dogs a shark you gotta put that shark in the water you feel me you gotta do that hair shark in the veins dog um well thank you so much for uh in today. No, thank you. Yep, we really appreciate it. And congrats on eight years. That's a big deal. And your first home, and you got a kiddo and a man now. This is a happy ending. Yeah, definitely, definitely.

I just wanted to do a little gift. I want to give, we're just going to give you guys 500 bucks. Let's go do something fun with you and the husband and the kiddo. Oh, my God. It's just on behalf of us. And so just a nice thing. It's just like, I don't know, just something we thought we would just do for today. Felon's fun.

Oh, my God. Thank you so much. Yeah, no problem. Thanks for calling in. Thanks for sharing your story. A little bit of reentry money. There you go. So go get back out in the world and do something.

Yeah, don't spend on heroin, though, you know? Absolutely not. It's not even a thought anymore. Yeah, I'm just making sure. Yeah, that's a on heroin though, you know That's a good point he's just checking I'm just covering my bases So much God's galaxy a felon This guy looks like Mario and Luigi's other brother This is Wall. It's a me. What's up, dude?

What's up, Ben? How's it going? Oh, man. There he is. He's a bad service. Am I still in this? There you are. You're there, dog. Playboy, what's cracking?

Hey, sorry about that. I'm in the back of this quick trip parking lot, bro. Just trying to get it in. What's up? Oh, I've made some poor choices, too, brother. I'm in the back of this quick trip parking lot, bro. Just trying to get it in. What's up? Oh, I've made some poor choices, too, brother. I feel you there, dude. I've done some things inside of a Wawa and outside of one. Shout out Wawa, too. They're selling Jocko Willink's new beverage right now, too. Oh, wow. That's a big deal. Yeah. Just lost him.

Yeah, we lost him. Well, there we go. That makes sense, man. And that's how it happens, guys. If Eric joins or ben joins again we'll let him in man yeah do you want to give that felon five hundo the lady the lady for sure the guy with the pierced nose he heard it stop he heard it he heard it now we have to yeah i feel like he's been spent on drugs oh damn really i do think it's a weird fund a little bit but the the

two people we gave it to they seem like they really turned it around though the first guy was crunk he's like man i need that shit for the lawyers yeah i shouldn't even have brought it up oh that's news to me yeah sorry sorry that's news to me i'll pay it i'll pay it look man i want to tell you this in a tiny apartment in southern california sure two college dropouts teamed up to create a watch company that broke all the rules fair prices wow unexpected colors and clean original designs wow movement went to one of the fastest growing watch brands shipping to over 160 countries across the globe yeah man they got that sweet minimal sport dive watch all right sleek professional again oh you can go looking for treasure in their watches that's the thing some watches you can't you some

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Yeah. Yeah, it was. What's going on? Now, where you at, man? I heard you were a felon. Bro, yeah. I'm just being out here in Missouri where it's fucking snowing right now, dude. Oh, wow. It's April.

Get a gun, bro. I had my kids out yesterday, and now I'm freezing. Get a gun and shoot it down. That's what I'm saying, bro. They won't let me. Raid the Capitol, dog. Oh, yeah, you can't even get a gun. No gun for this guy.

I can't even get one, dude. So how long can you not get a gun for? Forever. The rest of my life, yeah. You can't have it. Forever. The answer is forever. I got a marijuana felony, so hopefully whenever that becomes legal, I get expunged, I get

a gun, I become a felon again. Keep it rolling. Yeah, you're're gonna rob a bank So what happened with the weed charges What happened man Oh dude I was selling weed When I was 19 years old Thinking I was hot shit

You know in a small town in Missouri Dude I was literally In the middle of selling these young kids Some pot And they were like 16 years old I was 19 and a cop pulled up to the four-way and uh Busted us they all told on me and I went to prison and you went to prison for how long I? Did a 11 months so I tell people a year because you know my 11 months sounds a little

You got a you got a flex a little, dude. You got to stretch that out. Do you still see those kids around that ratted you out? The only thing I wanted to stretch out. What? Do you still see the kids that ratted you out? No, I did right when I first got out, and I confronted one of them, and he got all shaky and stuff.

And then I just left it at that because I was like, I'm on parole. Yeah, we don't want those problems. Yeah, I actually learned my lesson from it. So I was like, fuck that. So your what's called a year in prison, how was your year, man? Because some people say, ah, prison's not that bad. It was a little scary because my dad's a cop and so like oh wow being in missouri i was like i don't want nobody to know yeah did you get one of those my dad's not a cop tattoos on you

yeah dude i didn't have this fucking mustache during that i'll tell you that now did you have to join a gang in there no no, no, no, no. I mean, no. It's Missouri, so, I mean, there's not really a whole lot of gang shit going on. There's, like, white gangs. So, like, the Peckerwoods and Family Values and the prison gangs. But it's all prison politics. It's prison bullshit. Like, none of it matters in the real world.

Like a pub crawl. Yeah. Did you make some good friends no no not at all hell no it was tight man i got through it and but they're not people i want to hang out with you know it's a bunch of missouri criminals and you know that those type of people oh yeah chefs now tell me about this your father uh what what was his reaction to it he was like hey what the are you doing with your life and was he what kind of cop was he he was a dude my dad was the dare officer

Oh, my God. God, man. Talk about a disappointment, man. Some would say the worst, Tom. Yeah. Real party pooper. Heartbroken. Dare to keep Ben off of drugs, dude.

Yeah. I'll say this. Honestly. Bro, go ahead. Go ahead, Ben. I was just going to say, honestly, we had a terrible relationship. We obviously saw things differently, and then going to prison brought us closer together. He kind of sat back and realized, oh, shit, my son is actually going through some shit. He needs help.

Now me and my dad have a fantastic relationship. Now, does he support that nose piercing? That's beautiful, man. No, that's the one thing he does not support. I can't blame him. Dude, but that's beautiful. You hating, dude? No, I dig it, man. No, he is hating. I'm not support. I can't blame him. Dude, but that's beautiful. You hating, dude? No, I dig it, man.

No, he is hating. I'm not hating. I'm just, your dad's a cop. You got your nose pierced. I'm sure your cops aren't down with nose piercings. That's half a handcuff, dude. That's all that is, man. Dude, I think, yeah, I think it's almost, yeah, it's almost like a unique story.

It's almost like the blind side a little bit, but like a white D.A.R.E. officer's officer son but yeah but he has a dad we had this guy named fat bobby that was the cop in our town dude and he was a dare cop and he would come and people had to go help him get out the car dude he was so big people had to help him like just regular people he'd pull up and have to get out for a crime and criminals sometimes the people committing the crime let me help you we'd have to stop and help him out of the vehicle yeah he was so crazy bro that deer program never worked for anybody and that mascot was that lame ass dog hey here's their great idea just say no yeah that's all you gotta do yeah that's it but it's easier said than done sucking dudes dicks you know if you got the coke you're getting your dick sucked but just say no to drugs you know right man yeah they didn't factor in everything yeah you learned the hard way my man yeah dude sometimes you got to carry the one bro they should have told kids you get

your dick sucked if you don't have drugs try something like that like we'll suck your dick if you stay off the drugs program yeah they're gonna change the marketing man yeah try to get a little bit ahead without drugs challenge yourself that's what it should have been challenge yourself yeah get a little bit ahead without the drug yeah do it the right way like a double entendre there yeah you're trying that hooch in prison yeah i tried man so i had this uh i had a grape jelly container i know that sounds weird but like it's like an easy squeeze grape jelly yeah it makes sense so i can make sandwiches and shit yeah that's like i had it sitting out too long and it kind of fermented i opened it and it smelled like wine and so i was like oh fuck yeah i let it sit for another month or two and i drank that shit and it

was terrible and it didn't do anything for me and it was just a it was a bad experience oh wow i smoked a little weed in there oh wow how's prison weed it's not good yeah that's because someone probably hit it in their butt to get in the prison a hundred percent a hundred percent that's true and you just you're thinking about it when you're rolling it up and then you're going outside and i had to mix it with a little bit of tobacco because it was such a small amount and then I didn't even get high and I'm like oh what the fuck you doing this is what got you here you're a terrible decision maker oh yeah you sound like Mark Norman right there for some reason are you clean now or do you still smoke the devil's dandruff oh I smoke pot I'm actually about to go buy pot right now I'm waiting

but I don't do anything else man I'm completely clean to go BIPOC right now. I'm waiting to park my stuff. I love this guy. But I don't do anything else, man. I'm completely clean off all drugs and shit. I got kids. I'm out. Shout out. Oh, good for you, man. To my whole gang, man.

Papa power, brother. Well, look, dude. We didn't want to give away any more money today, but we already feel like we have to. So we're going to send you $300 to do something fun with the kiddos. Are you serious? Yeah, man. It's not much, but it's something just a little welcome back

to regular life fun. That's what's up. I appreciate it. I'm about to call the weed guy and tell him to update me. I knew it. I knew we messed up. I knew it, dog. I'll spend it on my kids a little bit. That's all good, man. Get high with it, bro.

Whatever you got to do, man. You know? I was panicking. My weed dealer was calling me as I was connecting with you guys, and I was like, oh, fuck, dude. I'm going to disconnect. Like, fuck. It almost didn't work out.

I got scared. Oh. Well, just don't sell the weed to your kids, man. You'll be fine, probably. You know? No, dude. No, no. And hopefully your dad's not watching this show.

Hey, yeah, fuck that guy. Hey, dude. No, no. And hopefully your dad's not watching this show. Hey, yeah. Fuck that guy. Hey, I got a quick, I got a quick question for you, dude. Real quick. Uh, uh,

yeah. Yeah. Never mind, dude. Never mind. Moments past. You sure? No.

What do you got, man? Take your time. I thought I had it right there on the tip. Hold on. Let me blow in this breathalyzer uh oh yeah yeah dude i ain't got it i ain't got it all it matters man hey oh yeah brendan stop telling people that saint louis sucks man i'm trying to see some comedy bro he did that shit too i did do that i'm sorry every time you're on a podcast you're like yeah this place is great just stay the fuck away from saint louis

i almost had to fight a guy bro i was at that show and i had a good time all right brother i'll come back probably not to that club but i'll come back all right brother love you all right oh i love you man bro be good gang gang man gang gang buzz bo Gang, gang. Booze. Later, brother. That's awesome, man. Wow. I hate to blow in this car. So he also has a drinking problem as well. And you're sending this guy money.

It might be just be probation. Nick said we had to send him because he heard the other money. $300. Yeah, but you lowered it to $300. I had to lower it to $300, dude. I just felt like the five might have been risky for him. The five, he would have bought cocaine. He should get an Amazon gift card, not cash. That that's a smart move that's exactly what we'll do send my gift card to target they got a bunch of kids toys there yeah yeah man yeah

something where yeah just keep it maybe 300 and frozen yogurt keep it out of his lungs man it's another felon no no we're no more felons today unless there was one other guy who had a pretty good story but he was the guy who kind kind of couldn't join, but maybe at the end. Maybe later in the year we'll do a felons episode. This guy, two weeks ago with Chris DiStefano, one guy had his ass. He said cowboy shit, and he was impregnating a cow. Oh, that's right. And we were throwing out our theories how that happens,

and this guy gives us an explanation of how cows are impregnated. Okay. David here from Mystic Hill Farm what's up david original team alexander louisiana not live man i'm also a part of that club oh and that double up them rabbit ears baby gang bro hey theo since you neglected us they were debating last week how to breed a cow, so I figured I'd give you a little demonstration. Oh. First things first, I'm the greatest,

but these are semen tanks. First things first, I'm the greatest. Oh, yeah. We fill them with liquid nitrogen to keep them cold so we can preserve them. Pull up this can here, and there's your semen. Oh. Your canes. You pull one of them straws out, but I ain't gonna do it because I ain't gonna waste $50.

You take one of them straws and you run it over here. It's usually filled up with water at a certain temperature. You put it in there, boop, set your timer for a minute. People say 45 seconds, but I do a minute. I like it hot. Set you up right here. Injecting that cow with that hot liquid. Dude, this is hot. Set you up right here. Injecting that cow that hot liquid. Dude, this is awesome.

You got your gun here. You pull the plunger back. You get your semen. You cut the tip off. You put your semen in there. You put your sleeve on. Oh yeah. And then you stick this in your shirt because it's usually cold in fall

when we breathe. You let it warm up. Then you put your glove on, get your little pump of lube, and then you're ready to breathe. You pull this on out. You stick your arm up her ass, Brendan. Okay. And you're feeling around for that cervix. Once you got the cervix, you slip this up in her vagina. Oh, yeah. And then you feel for the front of the cervix. Once you get it in, that's the hardest part.

It's just a commercial for Applebee's. You'll feel another ring. It's either two or three rings. I can't remember. But once you're out, you'll feel a little give. And you're going to shoot half to the right horn and then half to the left horn amen baby and then she's bread wow anyways thanks for everything y'all do man y'all gave me through the hay season i love everything i listened to this past weekend um food diaries or damn

that's all right damn food truck damn dude diaries bro that dude is putting seed in animals bro yeah he is man impregnated a lot of cows that was a legit breakdown wasn't it and all one shot that was incredible yeah that's really effective that guy wow uh are we sending him 500 he's gonna be fine i think he'll be fine do you think you could do insignate a animal right now i would love to milk a cow but as far as getting uh elbow deep in a cow's ass or vagina probably a pass huh why you couldn't handle it you think it's just a lot it's messy isn't it i don't know i never know i don't know either i don't know guys do it? Hell no. I think you'd do it. That'd be gross.

Yeah. Nick could definitely do it. Nick could do it, yeah. Yeah, Nick could do it. Nick seems like a guy that does it. No judgment on against Nick. I've always wanted to do Fear Factor. I just feel like most of those things are mental, and yeah, I'll do it.

I'll stick my hand up there. You could guzzle the donkey sperm and stuff like that. That was the worst one, but I think I... That got him kicked off the the air i got him kicked off the air oh i couldn't have more than one sip no yeah just a shot for me oh i don't even know a shot bro it'd have to be a shot i couldn't slurp it like a slurpee i'd have to be star i'd have to not eat for two days and then try it that's fair if it was like real cold on a hot summer day. Yeah, I would need a strategy to ingest it. It can't be just a lukewarm semen. What about that kid?

What about bone marrow? You do it? Meat, bone, whatever that kid's name is. HGH, can you take down some semen? What? Could you down some donkey semen? Like a big cup of it? Donkey semen, you said?

Yeah, they did on Fear Factor. Got them kicked off the air. Depends. Like, am I going to get absolutely shredded after or what? Yeah, you are, bucko. If I'm getting shredded, then yeah, it's worth it. Let's find out. It'll be a quarter horse by Tuesday, man.

You're going to be great. Yeah, we'll see you in the Preakness. Yeah, we'll see, man. But out in the lobby right now, we've got Smokey Joe, the guy who showed us some art. Do you want to bring him in and see the art piece? Dude, shout-out Alexandria, Louisiana. Shout-out Northeast Louisiana, bro,

and everybody up there doing it right and doing it wrong, man. Is that where this kid's from? Northeast or Northwest Louisiana. Oh, what's up, doggy? What's up, playboy? You talented, bat? What's up, you talented little bastard? Good to see you, brother.

Right here? Oh, yeah. Man, it's an honor to be here. Oh, dude, thanks for coming down, man. Thanks for coming in. That's crazy, bro. Your artwork was ridiculous, man. Oh, thank you.

Yeah, we need some fish right now. Oh, dude, that's going up in the studio, daddy. Yeah. Hold on one sec. There we go. Yeah, man. That thing's great, thank you thank you yeah I'm good I thought it was funny on the belt I like did like an image of this whole thing that's so good I can't believe that's what I look like it's second yeah it is and actually that's really good I That's what I look like.

You look kind of like Joey. Joey's like tougher brother. Looking yoked. Dude, that's awesome. Oh, thank you. Wow. Is that a picture from the comedy store? Or is that from King of the Sing? I just got this on, I don't know where the picture was from,

but I just got it online. I looked up a picture of both you guys. That's great, man. I'm pretty sure that was just after a Fighter and the Kid. That's cool, man. I think it was from that belt from Fighter and the Kid, yeah. That looks sweet, dude. You got a real talent.

Thank you. I kind of spread it out. So I had this thing live painting at the WFL in... Hey, Joe, could we have you talking in the mic? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, can we set that up maybe on there so we can see it like that? Or what's the best way so we can

get it in one of the shots or something? This couch. It's nice, huh? Oh man. It's Nick's bed. We just got that in here actually. That's a new sofa or something. Nope. Take a little snooze around this thing.

Meat hoof is fucking hot. You drove in from where, dude? From Phoenix. Phoenix, yeah. I drove in. We just kind of made a little trip out of it. Oh, sweet, man. Who's we?

You and your girl? Me and my girl. Oh, really? You got a lady in here? Oh, we got a lady in here? Oh, we look so lonely. What's up, girl? Her name's Daisy.

How you doing? Good to see you. We'll just put it in that corner maybe, Nick. Is that cool? And then we can just edit in shots of it? Yeah. If you just put it at an angle in that corner over there. That thing's great, man.

Yeah. I got to keep staying used to talking in this thing. Gang, bro. That thing's so good, man. Looks good in that corner too, huh? I'm going to have to leave it there. Yeah, that does look nice, actually. That's sweet, man.

Dude, thank you so much, man. You got real talent, my man. How's the art life been going during COVID? Man, during COVID, it's stayed, you know. I've tried to stay busy. I work like a desk job, too. What kind of desk job? I work enrollment for this university.

Oh, interesting. Yeah, for Grand Canyon University. Oh, Grand Canyon University. Grand Canyon University. I've seen the advertisements for Grand Canyon University. Free advertisement for them. Is it a real university, too? You know, they like to say it is, yeah.

I think, yeah, real university. Do they have a cafeteria or not? On campus, they have actually a lot of food. That's a real university. They've got Chick-fil-A on campus. That was taking a lot of my dining dollars. That would sell me. I love that.

They've got Jamba Juice, a bunch of different things. Oh, wow. Oh, yeah. So they're doing pretty good. Yeah, they're living life, man. That's considered an education to Brendan. Yeah. He's like, oh, definitely.

Yeah, I would have chose them over University of Colorado. Just based off that description of Jamba Juice and Chick-fil-A. Yeah. Easily get half of an associate's degree over there. Once I saw that, like the school had it, I'm like, I'm sold. I'm going to apply there. How long have you worked there? So I went to school there, got my bachelor's,

and then I started working there about three years ago doing enrollment. It's a lot of like – it's basically over the phone the whole day. Did they make the tournament, Grand Canyon University? I feel like they're about – Yeah, they were in the whack. Yeah, they went really far this year. they had gone far like a few years back then i kind of like some rebuilding years but yeah this year they went you know far is that where you met your lady at grand canyon university she's she's actually a phoenix local i picked her up around there okay and how long have you guys been together

okay no no how long have you guys been together two years oh two weeks oh this is new new oh respect two weeks this is new new i had to bring a girl here you know yeah respect dude yeah we're usually just a lot of dudes yeah yeah what weirdo would show up here with just a dude you know yeah no it was actually a funny story because she um she was running like an art event in downtown Phoenix. And so she messaged me and was like, hey, I can get you a free booth downtown. Oh, wow. Putting your art up. She kind of like slid that in here.

And then I hit her up. I'm like, hey, we should go out. And yeah, that's been two years. Oh, wow. Two years now. Yeah, I love it. That's a sweet deal, though. And you guys are, what, I'm going to ask him something.

Okay. You guys drove down here from Phoenix? Yeah, they did, Brendan. You drove over here? Because you don't want to fly because the artwork would have got fucked up. The artwork, yep. And it's expensive to ship that stuff. It is, man.

And, yeah, getting it on the plane would have been sketchy. Now, what kind of art is it? Is it acrylic or is it on matte finish? What is it? Or is it like indoor, outdoor? What do you think? No, it's basically like aerosol, like spray paint, and then acrylic. So most of what I do is acrylic.

That's kind of like my favorite medium. You know what we're talking about. Yeah, I know a little. I have a little bit of art at home. Yeah, you know the arts? Yeah. That thing's sweet, man. Thanks.

And Phoenix is popping. I've been touring in Phoenix nonstop. I saw you in Phoenix. Yeah, man. Saw you, Chappelle, Brian. I want to see Theo. I've been trying to. Yeah, your guys' show was sick, man.

Thanks, man. I'll come out there, man. I feel like a pussy during COVID. I haven't done a lot of touring, but I'll tell you this. Actually, it's a great time to say I'm going to North Carolina and Minnesota and Baltimore and Buffalo and some other places. It'll be on Monday. Announcing dates on Monday. That's for later in the year.

Yeah. It'll be starting in August, I think. Good for you, man. So looking forward to that. The Rat King's hitting the road. The Rat King's got to hit the road, baby. I got a freaking... Get a house payment now, now daddy get out there and squeeze the cheese baby now what about this do you uh how much art do you do like on a weekly or monthly basis do you have like ambitions to do

art full time like what is it what is your what is art in your life yeah so basically with this desk job like i just realized like i'm not good at that like corporate like sitting in offices and like having to act you know yeah you're an artist man it's not me you know so i'm like i gotta figure out something that's you know i can run for myself so yeah i basically just started painting like every single night i was in a small apartment i will i started on campus but moved to a small apartment and just started just packing the thing full of paintings like couldn't even walk through my hallway i just rented a room and basically yeah man i just do it probably every night just trying to like make make something i noticed it was something i was like sort of good at you know at least i was like not bad at it yeah so i'm like i'm sure i'm just gonna like

and then what's your ig because i'm sure that's how people are commissioned painting for me yeah it's uh smok Joe Paint Co. Smokey Joe Paint Co. Do you use what type of drug medium do you use to help you paint, if anything? Get that kratom flowing, man. Do you? A little bit, yeah. I try not to do too much drugs, though. Yeah.

You don't have to do them. Some people do drugs and paint. Yeah, yeah. Get a little motivation. When I was younger. Construction or whatever that is. You know what I'm'm talking about we had some guys that were paying dude i remember actually doing drugs and painting now that i think about it so one time we got hired to paint this lady's house when i was in high school so we painted it dude but then she had to come see it

and the paint was all fucked up so we undid all the light bulbs in all the rooms that they should so it just looked pretty good yeah that's most of my painting just dim the light actually but so you just dim the lights if you dim the lights then people don't have to look at you know they can't tell if it's good or not yeah the paint fumes with the air salt that stuff will get you going oh i love dude i love to sniff paint myself oh i had a tough afternoon here one day with one of those uh huffer can with one of the things to clean off the compressed air yeah don't put me on a keyboard cleaner dog asdf jkl sim bro i'm fucking i'm fucking going pretty deep man i move shift button a couple times baby uh this guy's got a debate club for us. Maybe Joe can interject with us as well.

Okay, great. Welcome, my man. This guy's obviously been sniffing glue. Yo, what up, Theo? What up, Brendan? Got a debate club for you. When you guys come out to my home state, Florida, what are you guys more down to do?

That Universal Studios? Harry Potter. down to do that universal studios harry potter or that disney world yep there's a dog on my head standby yeah oh yeah hope so let me know what you guys think gang gang buzz buzz chin your bobby lee costume sucks suck let's go there you go chin it depends if you got universal is better if you don't have kids. But something at Disneyland, a lot of it, there's a lot of gay men that get rejected from jobs there

and go on to work at like a lot of secondary type of... Bush Gardens? Yeah, maybe Bush Gardens. Bush Gardens I think is a little bit more even keel. Disney World is like a gay destination for like... I don't think so.

I feel like Busch Gardens takes all the gay guests. You ever seen Charlie Brown in the suit? I'm like, damn, why is Charlie Brown in so much sugar? Really? Yeah, he's all, hey! I haven't seen that. But a lot of those men end up... Snoopy always sniffing his ass.

Working at Starbucks if they don't get hired at Disneyland, I noticed that. Oh, at Starbucks? Or librarian. You see a lot of young men librarian that didn't make it at Disney. I don't want to say it like that, but didn't make it at Disney. There should be a documentary about the guys who don't make it at Disney. Because it's like a gay mecca. Yeah, it is.

To get that job. And if you don't get that, it's almost like's like the ivy league for homosexuality it's a big deal but there's been some famous people have played some of those disneyland characters yeah have that the top job they're playing one of those characters yeah what would most people apply for getting in that suit i think in that suit oh yeah they're sweating their ass off, taking pictures all day. It's a hot mess. It's a big deal. It seems like. Yeah. I keep it real with my kid.

I'm like, that ain't fucking, that ain't Buzz Lightyear, my man. And that alligator. That's the guy that's made a lot of bad decisions. Yeah. So I say Universal Studios, man. That's what I say. And they got all the work. Universal Studios during Halloween is lit as fuck.

The Horror Nights? Do they? Oh, it's fun. I've always wanted to go to that y'all need to go somewhere man take your girlfriend let me see what celebs robin williams work there wow i'm pretty sure steve martin did too keep going wow boom baby great book born standing up wow when it first opened he worked there kevin costner wow was in the jungle cruise i take it back michelle pfeiffer i give it back richard carpenter not familiar okay keep going

wayne brady makes sense he gets on my nerves kevin richards kevin richardson who was the freaking backstreet boy from lexington oh wow he just keeps talking about last episode zoom them in yeah huh i'll get them in yeah man is that it that's enough that's it wow that's a lot i'm telling you a lot and then also adam ray and there's a lot of gay violence there yeah they fight over the suits i would assume that yeah a lot of it man it's weird because with the covid they they said no characters oh really but they're in suits. They're in the biggest mask. That's a good point.

Yeah. And gloves and everything. Yeah. They're the safest ones. It's all, it's unbelievable. Once you tell so many lies, there's just no way to even corner it all up anymore. You're right, man. Did you guys see that giant Disney fight?

It was like last year, right before the pandemic. Yeah. At Disneyland? Yeah. And there's like a bunch of cast members. It makes sense, though. It's hot, it's sticky. It was all one family. I was watching it trying to figure out which family was which.

Like who was in the wrong, yeah. Oh, wait, is that a man and a woman? Yeah, this Busta Rhymes character goes after every woman. Now, you said Busta Rhymes got in pink? Yeah. Okay. Oh, damn, in front of the kids? The kids crying?

Of course, man. These people don't care. Damn, look at the kids crying, man. It's terrible. Oh, shit. Let me take her. That's good. This takes a bunch of twisted turns you don't

see it coming oh look at the girl no I was more than doing a cart go and push that oh I don't need the cart look at that oh she does no she did she needs it yes she's wobbling look at the kid wandering around crying God dog dark arts man and look at that. Dang. Damn, why is he punching girls? I'm telling you why. The man is a gay man. And that's gay violence, dog.

I'm telling you about this. Now, is that Busta Rhymes? Huh? Man, where the fuck's Mickey when you need him, dude? And look, finally, he's like, I'm getting my kid out. Oh, he's got that double up They probably got that fast pass you can play where's Waldo with security members just like Oh, she just fell yeah, she needed that the wheels oh

Look at the security look at the Fred in the back pretend to be on a Bluetooth Welcome to Popeyes brother shit is insane. Oh he came back. Oh That's his mother. Oh, oh, oh no, he's slapping like a gay dude. How does he do that, man? What is going on? Dude, how does no other grown man step in and beat the fuck out of that dude? Look at that. Oh, man.

Oh, the kid just hit somebody. Look at the kid. Go back 10 seconds. Oh, that's his mom. Look at the kid. No, back. Look at that. He's already learning. That's how you learn it right there. mom. Look at the kid in the back. Look at that. He's already learning.

That's how you learn it right there. Unbelievable. Look at this. How does nobody step in, dude? Yeah, everybody's just filming. I mean, what are you going to do? And what are they fighting over? Everybody keeps stepping in.

It's the happiest place on earth. But it's not, though. That's a lie. Now, let's finish it off strong. Go to the parade where the lady has the people dancing in the street. Damn, there's more, Nick? They fight nick they fight long oh yeah it takes a twist there's one guy that actually stands in he kind of steps in the what disney what were you let's go to uh parade watcher um what is the uh dora explorer what's going on here this is the best Dora the Explorer ain't Disney, dog.

No, no. Not float. Right there. Parade's in the hood. Oh, that's Scott's dad. Oh, that's my third. Oh, this door is lit. Oh. You don't play Guess My Race? Oh shit.

Door gets swaggy. Oh shit. Even the minions are lit. Oh, look at that panda. Bro. What? What hood mini is that?

That's not the Scottsdale I know. Oh! Go here, Panda. Is that designer? All right, y'all. Get it, Panda. You better go ahead now. Now, this is a much more happy party I'd rather be part of. This is what I'm talking about.

That's what we need. That's the new Disney, man. We need more of that. Less of that. Yeah. All right, we got one. What is this? Yeah, we'll close it out with a Kander sting.

And this is a man right here. Hey, yo, King and the Sting. What up, Brendan? What up, Theo? What up, Culture Corner? Shout out, Nick and and chin love the content love you guys the channel makes me laugh so much i'm gonna make this short and sweet king it or sting it what you guys think about uh that wall hanging hitter put the urinal in your bathroom

i just remodeled this whole thing had to put the ur urinal in. I got a toilet, too. It's got plenty of that TP. With that wall-hanging hitter. You rich, Rich. Just for the number ones. What do you think? Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. Gang, gang, man. I love that.

I've never seen that in a human home. That's luxury. In kindergarten, Sam Basil's family had one. It was awesome. All right, don't brag. Don't brag. Don't brag. Don't brag. Wow.

And so what is it? It's just a urinal. You can go use it, huh? Yeah, like a restroom urinal, dude. What an upgrade. I've never seen that. That's pretty nice. But I'm liable to just go out into my living room and then just order Applebee's or something.

That's the only thing. I wonder if I'll just get disillusioned where I am. Growing up, my uncle was rich and he had a bidet and I used to think it was a water fountain. So that's how we got here. Not shocked, buddy. Yeah, really shocked by that. Well, my older brother used to tell me it was a water fountain. Really?

Yep. Would it spray fire? It would spray all up in my face oh yeah that's got that we had a this guy bus named roy boy was his name and he was i'm not gonna say homosexual but he was a little sugar in his tank he was mostly he had a maybe had a little bit of tank in his sugar yeah that makes sense more tank than sugar and he used to make us pull water on our backs like as kids and he would drink it out of our back like a bison oh yeah he definitely came man that's a part now my question is why would you guys military dude and he was like 11 and he lied to us he said this is like navy seal training he

made us play navy in his bathtub they had like a little bit bigger bathtub for some reason and he would make us play Navy in there. And make the water get all crazy. And you guys were all naked in there? You guys were naked in there? I don't remember. I was a child. Dang, you used to slurp that bath water off your back?

He did. I didn't drink any. I couldn't drink any. It was on my own back. Yeah, but you would sit still while you slurped the water through the crack of your back? I mean, it tickled. I quit pretty quick. Yeah.

Would you use a straw? Huh? No. No, he just got me. Oh just oh dude you bring a straw to the party that's too much this ain't this ain't disney world okay you're on that old-fashioned slurp down the go ahead dora go ahead go dora okay mini okay mini uh what else we got, Nick? Do we want to do one more? Let's do one more. Yeah, give us one more, man.

What do you think, though? What do you got to say? Why don't you chime in on this one, man? You lead the charge here. That Disney party bummed me out, man. Theo, what's up, Brandon? I've got a King of Sting it for you. It's Andre Orlovsky from New Zealand.

Paternity leave. In Sweden, we've got some 400 400 something days that we get 80 of our paycheck hell yeah so we can stay home with the kids so staying home with this little fella oh that's great man cute kid or going to work and missing out a lot of his first steps and things like that yeah that's america what do you think? Can you sing it paternally? Gang gang buzz buzz and but in Sweden they get like Buzz buzz. Oh so cute man. They get like 200 something days maternity leave between the mom and the dad 480 and it's and they can split it between them

However, they want that's how should be though so they can enjoy the kid, man. America, you got to get your ass right back to work. I would keep having children. Yeah, I'd just take years off. I'd have two kids a year. Yeah, and just get 80% of your pay. But also in America, they got a lot of people that ain't working and just having children. Let's be honest. That's another big thing that's happening over here.

But I like your attitude of having a job first and then choosing to have a child, which sounds like a much better pattern. He seems like a good papa, too. And you're making that cheddar, son. Seems like he's engaged. And also, the son looks just like the man, too, I think. Oh, yeah. I knew girls get maternity leave, but in America, do guys? No.

This is some Swedish shit, man. Oh, yeah. In corporate America, though. Yeah, man. Do guys do? In Seattle. That's some woke shit. That's my home turf.

Is it? It is, yeah. Oh, yeah, you can get it. That makes a lot of sense now, yeah. Oh, really, Kirkland? Kirkland. I used to go to Laffs out there, that comedy club. Remember Laffs?

It was there? It was probably maybe when you. In downtown Kirkland? I don't know. A lot of the comedy clubs in Seattle laughs? It was there. It's probably maybe when you in downtown Kirkland. I don't know. A lot of economy. Yeah. Like Seattle and stuff are shut down. Really?

Yeah. I don't know. Brennan, you say shut down all the time and it's not shut down. I'm telling you, Seattle is bad. Like what was the main one? The Belco area.

Australia's open. I do want to say that. And New Zealand's open. I got a million messages. You said Australia was closed. No, you can't fly in there. You can't fly in there. They're not wide open. I do want to say that. And New Zealand's open, dude. I got a million messages that Australia was closed. No, you can't fly in there. You can't fly in there. They're not wide open.

Well, they told me to tell you. A lot of people say that they are open. It's a lot stricter, definitely, than in Arizona. Where, Seattle? Yeah. I go back for Christmas. I got COVID in Phoenix. Did you?

Oh, really? Pretty sure. When I got it, my green room was lit. And I was like, we're all getting COVID. Yeah. Show enough. Week later. I like that, man.

I respect you for getting it. I'm glad I got it. Yeah, you got to do something, man. That immunity, you know. Now you're stronger. Stay busy, bro. And look at this child right here. Who knows?

Anything could happen with that child, man. He could grow up to be anything he wants. A burglar. President. We'll see. It's Sweden. Sweden. Champion. Yeah, Sweden. You can. Yeah. child man he could grow up to be anything he wants a burglar president we'll see it's sweet champion yep yeah sweden you can't yeah yeah well dude the artwork's ridiculous man you got a talent give me your handle one more time yeah it's uh smokey joe panko at smokey joe panko yeah that made the

studio my man yeah we'll hang that up man joe thanks so much for bringing it too yeah congrats on your girl too man oh yeah she's a dime oh yeah man she's a cutie I'm sorry my friends keep staring at you pretty sad yeah meat tone is in here how you doing meat tone you all right what's going on with you nothing I. I'm just working, chilling. Okay. Right on. And how's the lady front?

You got a lady? There was a girl I was screwing around with when I was back in Rhode Island, but not out here yet. Do me a favor. Don't say screwing around. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, no, you're good. She wouldn't like to hear that. There's a girl I was screwing back in Long Island.

But now you're in L.A., dude. Different market, my man. Yeah. You've had better luck here in L.A. or Rhode Island usually? He just got here, dude. Oh, he did? Give him a chance. But still, honestly, Rhode Island because everybody, like it's just so small.

Everybody knows everybody. So, like I know like all the people like I take out and hang out with. with so it's just also a rhode island eight i appreciate that you're la4 i think he means they know his brother's famous so he gets he gets girls back in rhode island um that makes sense nah i mean it's all girls that don't even know him really i try and like stray from which are most girls i mean this, this is also Gianni. It's Rhode Island and it's power. Yeah. Yeah, true.

But no, God bless Gianni and we wish you were here, man. I love that dude. He's one of a kind, man. We appreciate you, man. What happened to him? I don't know what happened to him. He got famous. He can't really work for us anymore.

He blew up. Yeah. Can't forget your roots though. No. Yeah, you can apparently um what else we got that's all that's all we got thanks for driving down dude thanks for the artwork brother oh man i appreciate you guys yeah honestly like when you guys put this up on on the show and everything like it really helped me love it and the art and stuff man i actually just

started some uh nfts too so. Oh, tight move, dog. Yeah, trying to make it something so I don't have to be in boring business meetings anymore. They want to get you out of their meetings. They want to live off your lady forever. Yeah. And also. She's going to help you so much. She's got a big wallet.

I got some new, on Monday, I think, or Tuesday, new, the tour dates will be up for at Theovan.com, so you can check it out. And I'll be in Lexington, Kentucky. I think it's May 6 dates will be up at TheoVon.com so you can check it out and I'll be in Lexington, Kentucky I think it's May 6th through the 8th and then Houston, Texas May 20th something

Houston and Prov get your tickets yeah thank you guys gang gang that's it buzz buzz thank you guys

Brendan and Theo fighter in weight I gotta go in and go hard in the paint I do not think I am in flow black rifle coffee i'm ready to go i need a sponsor i am a monster about to open up with this at my concerts

flow is contagious browser outrageous thicker than girls that are instagram famous damn hungry like i'm fresh off keto seeing red like andrew santino every song i hit like the great bambino bernie ate the queso and the quesoritos But everything's gonna be fine Hate on me, I do not mind Theo looking like the type of dude that got a pack of matches in his pockets at all times They sliding into my DMs A couple of you tried but couldn't beat em Quit playing like Nintendo DS You don't want to smoke like Joey Diaz

Meaning y'all edible Just got my eyebrows threaded and I'm feeling incredible Brandon's son hit me up He said it's too loud in the club Can you pick me up? King in the sting, king in the sting King in the sting, bee sting, rat king King in the sting, king in the sting

Got the bees in the trap, got the cheese on a string King in the sting, King in the sting. King in the sting. Bee sting rat king. King in the sting. King in the sting. Got the bees in a trap. Got the cheese on a string.