The Golden Hour - Episode 12: Pisces Brothers

Episode Date: March 21, 2019

It's Theo's birthday and Brendan's birth week. The guys talk Kratom crust pizza, hot dog nips, Lester Holt lips, Chick-fil-A vs In-N-Out, creatine doughnuts, sweet noodle Cat, guys rockin wigs, Chinese spies, bad bitch Mother Nature and much more!Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

back off my broccolini get your life together it is don't touch me bro i'm not touching you dude dude i just had a dream that you guys more heat on mine today someone fucked with mine man i think it's conspiracy theory who fucked with my horn bro it? It's not a horn. It's a buzzer. I'm out of town. I'm out of town on the road for a little bit. I come back.

I know. You got that low T, bro. You got that low testosterone in your horn. Dude, it was powerful. You know what? Hit it one more time. No, I think it heats up. It still didn't.

Very sad, man. You know what's not sad? What? Your birthday, bro. No, I think it heats up. Ah, it still didn't. Very sad, man. You know what's not sad? What? Your birthday, bro. Thanks, dude. Your birthday, brother. Cheers, homie. Cheers, dude.

Happy birthday, man. Don't fucking touch me. Even on your birthday, bro. Don't touch me on your birthday. I will never touch you, and I wish they would put a little wall right here. Me too. I've asked for it multiple times. I'm going to tell Trump to build that one.

Good thing I can barely hear your little buzzer anymore. God damn it. It's my birthday, man. You feel, I have no idea. If someone came up to me and was like, hey, you know Theo's 52 years old? I'm like, that's cool. Then someone came up and was like, hey, you know Theo's 20 years old? I'm like, that's cool too.

I have no idea. Oh, dude, well. You're like a black dude. I have no idea. I have no idea. Dude, there. Well. You're like a black dude. I have no idea. I have no idea. Dude, there's a black Asian baby I heard. You can't tell if it's like two months old or 70 years old.

Yep. That's how they roll. That's the new thing. Asians too. Like how old do you think Kat is? Oh, who knows? She's 14. She's 73.

Or 1400s. Exactly. Kat could be from any time period, dude. 16th century dynasty chick. Does she have a samurai sword? I don't know. Definite dynasty. She has a long coat on. Yep. I don't know. Kat gave me some nice donuts though today. Thank you, Kat. Dude, it inspired my outfit today because I wanted to look like a cupcake for your birthday. Really? Birthday suit. Birthday suit. And yesterday was your birthday.

We put a picture of you up yesterday with those Care Bear tattoos on your back. We put a picture of you up yesterday with those Care Bear tattoos on your back. Dude, that boy is super thick. That boy got gravy veins, right? Oh, yeah, that guy. And that's you, Brendan. That's you at 11 years old. Dude, he is so thick, bro.

He is so thick. Brendan was raised in a tattoo yard. He's way swoller than I am. A lot of free ink hit the airwaves. Yeah, dude. That boy doesn't miss a weight. That guy's lifted them all. He's lifted all the weights. Man, you can see his shoulders are jacked from keeping his hopes up.

That dude is strong, bro. His shoulders are jacked from trying to carry his dreams. I don't know how it's working out. And everybody knows that's your alternate email account. He's better looking than I am, though. Well, I didn't look. He's definitely better looking. Really?

I didn't look at him like that. Really? Yeah, dude. No. Yeah, really. 100%. He seems like a nice guy. He definitely knows his way around the weight room.

Yeah. He has a lot of wisdom to drop on people. He hikes a lot. Does he? Yeah. Or does he just stay in the weight room and eat? No, he stops somewhere to take that picture on the side of the road somewhere probably at the PCA.

Oh, that's a good point. That's a good point. He's a dying piece, man. But happy birthday, man. Too bad it's not your birthday. I know. Day late, bro. Well.

Day late. Dude, who knows when your birthday dude we're some pisces babies aren't we we aren't pisces babies we aren't anything come on pisces up bro pisces get out of here dude don't fucking touch me pisces brothers no you know we are we some. Our parents humped in the same month, bro. Yeah. Pretty awesome, right? No, they didn't. Look at us, man. Two Pisces.

Yeah, don't look at us and not. Should we get into some current events? Let's get into anything else, dude. Brandon's definitely the kind of guy that when you say it's your birthday, he tells you when his birthday is. That's definitely the truth. Well, mine, dude, my birthday was yesterday. Yeah, yesterday's over, bro. We have the same basic birthdays.

What time were you born? 10.40 p.m. 10.40 p.m.? Yep. All right, I was born at midnight. So it's like right before midnight. So we could have been born on the same day. Who was born at fucking midnight?

I was, man, because I'm a gremlin. Are you Slytherin, bro? Who was born at midnight? Your birthday's over, man. All the past is the past, man. Do you like birthdays or do you get sad on birthdays? I think it's kind of a 50-50. These days you have to

respond. I took a fucking word out of your fucking dictionary. Welcome to CT. Population, you and me. It's kind of nice, bro. It's kind of cool. You get away with a ton of shit. You can be racist sometimes. Everyone's like, you got a punch in the face. What else you got? Fuck, I don't know what we're talking nice, bro. It's kind of cool. You get away with a ton of shit. Yeah, man. You can be racist sometimes.

Everyone's like, eh, you got a punch in the face. Yeah. What else you got? Fuck, I don't know what we're talking about, man. Oh, your birthday. You get sad on it? I usually get sad on my birthdays. You do?

Yeah, I don't know why. My birthday was great. Listen, if fucking LA had a parade for my birthday, I'd still be sad at the end of the night. I don't know why. Since I was a kid. It's not your birthday right now. But it is, though, you know? But it is. Birthday month, bro. Pisces, bro. Get the end of the night. I don't know why. Since I was a kid. It's not your birthday right now. But it is, though, you know?

It is. Birthday month, bro. Pisces brothers. Get the fuck out of here. Get out of here, dude. Pisces brothers, dude. Whoa, bro. I think that pink sweater has a little bit of leftover whoever you borrowed it from in it, dude. You're acting a little tender over there, buddy.

I'm acting like a Pisces, bro. When you were a kid, did you have good birthdays? Oh, yeah, dude. Did your mom toss you a cactus for your birthday? I got bit by a dog. I got bit by dogs on one birthday and cats on another birthday. I got attacked by two cats. It's a good time. Well, it's just different times. There's more stray animals back then and things were different. The candles really got them all excited if they had a lot of animals in your area. But I remember this, dude. These days, you have to reply to so many texts and stuff like that. It's a lot of electronic work on your birthday, I feel like.

I feel like real friends. I mean, unless you're a real, real close friend, you can text happy birthday. I knew we were going to see each other. You say happy birthday. But in general, I'm good, man. You don't need to really text me, especially on Christmas. Don't text on Christmas. Yeah. On my Thanksgiving, fuck off. You know what I'm saying? Yeah don't need to really text me especially on Christmas don't text me on Christmas yeah Thanksgiving

fuck off you know what I'm saying yeah like be cool man and then don't get mad if I don't text you back yeah happy Thanksgiving somebody send you that

what do you mean happy Thanksgiving you have no one else to text what the fuck yeah dude happy 4th of July get the fuck out my face

yeah watch go watch the Lions lose god get a friend thanks fucking giving get a friend, bro. It's thanks-bucking-giving. Get a friend. Yeah, bro. Let's go. All right, first one.

Nick looks like the saddest kid at a birthday party right now. Wow, Nick does look like that. He looks, like, super sad. He's dressed like Where's Waldo. That's a great call. He's dressed like Where's Waldo and got picked last on the dodgeball team. Wow, bro. I got way more stripes than Waldo on right now.

Gang, bro. Gang, gang. Sad Waldo. He's the only person that wore the hat. Trying to be festive. It's not my birthday, bro. He's doing good, huh?

Yeah, not my birthday. I know it's not your birthday. It's not my birthday, but it is birthday month for Pisces. It is. Dude, get away from me. Don't touch me, Pisces.

Don't touch me, brothers. Don't fucking touch part of me. Pisces brothers, dude. We're like two fish. No, we're not. I'm a shark, dude. That's why we get along so well, bro. Two fish, bro. I'm a shark't touch me, Pisces brothers. Don't fucking touch part of me. Pisces brothers, dude. We're like two fish. No, we're not. I'm a shark, dude. Two fish, bro. I'm a shark and you're a sick salmon.

Nope. It's like we're connected at the head at one point. Yeah, you know those two kids that are always connected? We're like that. Yeah, those aren't fish, man. But you were older. I was like two and you were 17. All right.

What else you got, Nick? First one. Reality TV star and mother of Honey Boo Boo, Mama June, was addressed on drug charges in Alabama. I love her. She was picked up in an Alabama gas station and police found crack cocaine, a needle, and a pipe in her car. Yeah, I want some money on this bet. But some of the cars in Alabama, if you get a used car in Alabama, there's definitely drug paraphernalia in it. You can't, you know, it's like there's a tire iron and then like, oh, what's that little tire iron with crack in it?

Oh, why is there a dead body in the back? It just comes with Chevys. Yeah. So there's a lot of it. It depends on what you get down there, you know? So I don't want to judge her yet. Was it a Chrysler Sebring? Yeah.

Because those we know have issues. Yeah, those always have drug paraphernalia. You have the top down. There's drugs in there. Also, did she put all the weight back on? Because remember, she went from, I think the show was from hot to not. She lost a shitload of weight. But there's nothing you can do about your face.

But she lost a ton of weight, and then she was doing well, right? I never followed her much, but the show was from not to hot, and she's went back to not. That's how she stays skinny. I saw her. She looked nice. She saw some, yeah, maybe she felt pressured to have to stay skinny. And sometimes at a certain point, it's like you'll do anything. Crack could do that, though?

Crack will help you fit into a fucking bathing suit. That's for sure. Dude, if you're having trouble at the beach, bro. Does it give you the runs? By a couple rocks. Dude, yeah, it gives you everything. Damn, I kind of want to try some. I'm trying to shed a few, you know?

Dude, it gives you everything. And I don't know if she lost the weight, but the kid picked it up. I don't know if you've seen Boo Boo recently. Oh, yeah, Boo Boo. You can trade the weight, apparently, in that family. don't know if she lost the weight, but the kid picked it up. I don't know if you've seen Boo Boo recently. Yeah, Boo Boo. You can trade the weight, apparently, in that family. You know what? You carry the weight now. That's a new show called Weight Swap.

Honey Boo and his pick up a goddamn book. You ever seen her on that show? Jesus Christ. Yeah. She knows about two of the vowels, bro. She definitely, nobody gave her all five. She knows more than two rivers. I'll give her that.

Oh, yeah. I bet she does. But she's a beautiful little girl. You know, she quit pageanting. Did she give that up? Yeah. That's a shame. I'll give her that. Oh, yeah. I bet she does. But she's a beautiful little girl. She quit pageanting. Did she give that up? Yeah. That's a shame. She had a real future.

I think she quit pageanting, and she's just kind of just being around the way, just kind of an around-the-way chick. I heard she has a boyfriend. The honey boo-boo? Yeah. The little one? Yeah. She has a boyfriend?

Yeah, because she's like 13 now. How old is she? She's 13. What else we got? What else we got? How old is she? She's 13. What else we got?

What else we got? The first poster for the movie Once Upon a Time in Hollywood starring Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio dropped this week. It's the movie that's going to follow an actor and his stuntman in 1969 Hollywood during the Charles Manson murders. And here's this poster. This movie gets my dick hard, bro. I love the Charles Manson stuff. I don't like that people are murdered. I like that old Hollywood stuff, the cult stuff. I follow this Charles Manson stuff. I don't like that people are murdered. I like that old Hollywood stuff, the cult stuff. I follow this Charles Manson stuff way too close.

Have I driven through Topanga Canyon and looked at some of the places where he's lived? Yeah, I have. Really? Have I driven past the murder sites? Maybe I have, okay? Wow. Yeah, I'm not into it, bro. So I'm into this shit.

You're into that, huh? I think every now and then if somebody in the Hollywood Hills has to get murdered, so be it. Especially for entertainment. Yeah, that's kind of where I'm from. You take that chance. If you're going to be real fancy, sometimes you got to catch a slug. Yeah, I have no problems with it. That Charles Manson story is amazing.

I just don't know why are there so many people in this movie? That's what seems bizarre to me. There's so many famous actors and actresses. It's like a Tyler Perry movie. Well, that always feels so forced. They did that, I don't know if it was American Gangster. What was the one that won all those awards one year,

but it was just garbage? But it had Jennifer Lewis, Senator. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Jennifer. That people everybody liked, and then everybody didn't. What was that girl's name? Oh, fuck, she's hot too.

From Silver Linings Playbook. She's hot. American Hustle? Yeah, American Hustle. Bradley Cooper, Malcolm X. Martin Luther King. It had so many people. Yeah, it was like, how much shit can we put in here to seem purposeful?

Michael Jackson. It was just whatever, dude. Dude, it had Harriet Tubman in the beginning. God. What the fuck? What is going on? Dude, it had the Wright brothers in the, you know, played airline pilots in it. Oh, Luke Perry's in this Charles Manson movie, right?

Yeah. Wow. His final role. Quentin Tarantino directed. So Manson ain't done yet, dude. Manson said he would get one more. I guess it was Luke Perry, dude. You know?

Somehow. Look, I'll tell you this. If he wasn't in the movie, he might still be alive. Conspiracy theory, dude. Might be on the side. Call Eddie Bravo, bro. Call him up. Yeah.

He'll confirm. You got too into his role like Heath Ledger. Yep. End up dead. There you go. Oh, wow. You got to stay on the cusp of your role, dude. You can't get too deep, you know?

You don't want to fuck with the Manson stuff. Stay on the cusp of your role. Don't be a breadstick, baby. What else we got there? You mentioned Slytherin earlier. Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling said in an interview recently that Elvis Dumbledore and fellow fictional character from the world of Harry Potter, Gellert Grindelwald, had an intense sexual relationship that was not written about. How is this news? How the fuck is this news? I'm not into Harry Potter. Listen, I respect what she's done. Went from nothing to a jugillionaire. Great. Good for you. Kids and twigs and whatever the fuck they do. Magic, right? But also, I assume they're fucking.

Like Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy, they fucking. We know this, man. Gonzo sucking off Bert and Ernie. We know this. Do you think that? The big news was Gellert was a male-male relationship that was not spoken about. Bert and Ernie.

Bert and Ernie are gay as shit. Yeah, Bert and Ernie been gay, JK, so come up with something new. Be original, JK Simmons. Bert and Ernie. Bert and Ernie are gay as shit. Yeah, Bert and Ernie have been gay, J.K., so come up with something new. Be original, J.K. Simmons. Here's my thing. J.K. Rowling's always trying to raise hell, I think, and she seems to be obsessed with publicity. Every week she's saying, you know, Larry Griswold was a fucking serpent or somebody had fucking, you know, um mr mcgardy had fucking fish living in his eyes or whatever it's always some kind of shit or you know trying to make headlines yeah you got a ride at fucking universal fuck man yeah pipe down yeah look if it wasn't written about

then it didn't fucking happen that's just you thinking about shit you nutcase okay shout out to burton yeah it was unwritten well then it ain't shit because you'recase. Shout out to Burton Earl. It was unwritten? Well, then it ain't shit. Because you're the writer. What do you mean it was unwritten? You're the writer. This ain't news, bitch. Draw a sketch, JK. Put a finger paint on, bitch.

Yeah, dude. And also, here's the thing. So aggressive. JK Rowling, if you're gonna do some sexual stuff, do it with Hermione Granger, boy. You know what I'm saying? I'd put it in Hermione, bro. Don't touch me.

I'd put it in Hermione, son. Yes, sir. But all this other shit, so-and-so was gay. Who ain't gay? Y'all out there fucking doing spells and wizards. Everybody's fucking gay. In the magic world, everybody's sucking dick. Yeah, y'all drove a shopping cart into an embankment and woke up in fucking Narnia, bro.

Yeah, it's the dark arts, as you call it, bro. Everybody's coming, bro. That's sucking dick. Yeah, y'all drove a shopping cart into an embankment and woke up in fucking Narnia, bro. Yeah, it's the dark arts, as you call it, bro. Dude, everybody's cumming, bro. That's cum country. Yeah, you don't do magic without cumming. I mean, why else would you do magic, bro? You think I'm a- Look at David Blaine. Yeah.

Comes nonstop. Dude, you think I'm going to turn a snake into a fucking Quidditch stick and not fucking jerk off once? You're out of your mind. God, yeah. Oh, shit. You think I'm going to ride a magic carpet and not bust nuts on the, you're out of your mind. God! Yeah! Oh, shit, you think I'm gonna ride a magic carpet and not bust nuts on the way? Come on, bro. Dude, everybody's gay

in there. I'm surprised there's like a 40% chance of seed in the air every day. And I want in. What else we got? Jesus. Alright, last current event, because I know Theo's trying to get into some gaming. In an ESPN article detailing the strife in the Philadelphia Phillies locker room last season,

it was revealed that Carlos Santana smashed a TV in the clubhouse with a baseball bat because teammates were playing Fortnite during games. What the fuck is he doing there? Was he touring? The baseball player, not the legendary guitarist. Yeah, I saw Santana in Tucson

once. How was he? Out there by the fairgrounds. He was okay. You want to talk about someone who overcame Down syndrome, just keeps doing it, man? That guy, all he plays is the guitar. No singing, nothing. Yeah, him and Los Lobos. They're always performing. They're performing in every city, every night, somewhere. I would not go to his concert.

There's no singing. Yeah, we're good, man. It's just him on the guitar. Yeah. Good for him, man. Oye, como va? That's him, I think, isn't it? But he talks good things about me. Yeah, we're good, man. It's just him on the guitar. Yeah. Good for him, man. Oye, como va? That's him, I think, isn't it? But he's not good.

Yeah, dude. He probably fucking went crazy because he was at a baseball game, bro. You showed up at the wrong stadium to perform, dude. Yeah, no one's paying attention. Playing their video games, they start breaking shit. Next up, we have Debate Club. And the first one, the first one. I need conspiracy.

Who fucked in my horn? Nick, was it you? I love that horn. Did you fuck in my horn, bro? Favorite part of the show. Did you suck on the horn? That's what it said. It sounds like someone sucked on the horn.

What? Jesus Christ, bro. Go back to your birthday, dude. You were so much nicer, I bet. Let's get into it. That was yesterday, bro. I know, bro. It's the past.

Yeah. I hear that heat. and look at that light on mine audience know you had a light a First debate club topic comes from Tristan Robinson Tristan Thompson TR. Let's hit it. What a Brennan I got a debate club question for you. Who do you think we're wanting to fight in their prime? Chuck Norris or Jean-Claude Van Damme? Gang Gang Buzz... Got them cheeky cheekies out. Showing that butt at the end there, boy.

What's his name? Trent Rastner? Tristan Robinson. Tristan Robinson. Tristan flexing them flat cheeks, bro. Where's he from? He didn't say. You don't say after you show your ass to somebody over video. You don't tell where you're from. I like that move.

Yeah, you mooned us, bro. Yeah, dude. A flat-ass moon. I like that. Flat Earth moon. That's that flat Earth moon. That's that Eddie Bravo, that dude. He's got two Eddie Bravos in the back of his pants.

Two flat cheeks. What was the question? Oh, Chuck Liddell. Chuck Norris. John Claude Van Damme. Go ahead, bro. Oh, I have to go on this one? I will say Chuck Norris.

Because Chuck Norris is the kind of man, he's like a stepdaddy that also can fight. And fight at a high level. And he can kind of be in any world. Chuck Norris can, you can see him one time in like a, oh, he's in a suit. Oh, he's on a tractor. Oh, he's, you know, selling insurance. Oh, he's in a Western. Yeah, he's a claims adjuster.

He's in a Western, you know, he's banging Suzanne Somers. He's on the Tony Gazelle Freestyler. You know what I'm saying? Right, bro. He can fucking attack from anywhere. Whereas Jean-Claude, I think, is a little bit more limited. You know, Jean-Claude has that. Does the splits in his underwear.

Always trying to fuck. Yeah, fake tans. Always trying to fuck. You're like, oh. Too pretty. Yeah. Then had the coke habit. You know what I'm saying?

You and a martial artist, bro. Chuck Norris don't even drink or do coke. That's true. You know what he gets high off of? Kicking ass. So I'm picking that dude, bro. Chuck Norris all day. I think he was a legit black belt in jiu-jitsu.

Jean-Claude Van Damme, he says he had some fights, but it's not documented at all. He's a fake Frank Dukes, bro. Although, better actor? Jean-Claude Van Damme. Bro, Lionheart, Bloodsport, Kickboxer. Bloodsport was so good. Cyborg. Dude, when I was growing up, Bloodsport was the only movie they had. I remember we'd go to the movie store. They had this place called Pat's Video, and they had shrimp and movies, dude.

God, what a great company. And we'd go there. Oh, get a fucking pound of shrimp. Fried? No, peel and eat. All right. We'd go get a pound of shrimp and a fucking, but the only movie they had one time, they had seven copies of fucking Bloodsport.

You're damn right they did. That's how good it is. The only movie. One of the greatest movies had seven copies of fucking Bloodsport. You're damn right they did. That's how good it is. The only movie. One of the greatest movies of all time. Okay, USA. Yeah. And Jean-Claude, dude, now here's another thing, though. He also was a senior citizen male model, and a lot of men can't even do that.

So that's cool. But when your best thing is the splits, you're missing out on life, bro. Like, all he does is the splits everywhere. That's true. Actually, he's the mayor of Marina del Rey, too. I used to live there and see the man. Did you really? I grew up the biggest Jean-Claude Van Damme fan of all time.

Now, how big is he when you see him? Not a big man. Not a big man at all. That's the other reason I take Chuck Norris. Middle-sized man. You're bigger than he is. Wow. Yeah.

I mean, your shoulders are skinnier, but yeah. Yeah. But that's because I had a fever recently. Okay. Chuck Norris, all yeah. Yeah. But that's because I had a fever recently. Okay. Chuck Norris all day. What's people saying? 63% say. Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris. That's what's up. Gang, gang. They know what's up. Buzz, buzz. Mm-hmm. All right. Next up for debate club comes from William Juice.

Dub J. From Scottsdale Air Force. Juicy Ju. William Juice on that Test 200, boy. What's up, Brendan? What's up, Theo? William Just here coming to you live from the Charlotte airport, heading home to beautiful Scottsdale, Arizona. And I got a debate club for you.

Would you rather have the scrumptious Chick-fil-A or the delicious In-N-Out Burger. Love you guys. Gang gang. Gang gang buzz buzz, William. Dug juice out there. You can see he's obviously drug mulling some fucking Deca right there. Willie Juice, they call him around the fucking gym.

And I'll say this, I'll be in Phoenix, Arizona next weekend at Stand Up Live. So I had to say that. But this is a good question. Is it, though? Because I think, I'm going to take some heat, especially from the Cali fans. I think In-N-Out is so overrated. Dude, Chick-fil-A, you cannot go to Chick-fil-A, and it's not crunkified.

I mean, it is packed with all sorts of people. What they put on that chicken, I have no idea. And you know what? It's also limited. Go on a Sunday. No one's open. Yeah they put on that chicken, I have no idea. And you know what? It's also limited. Go on a Sunday. No one's open. Yeah. You got to wait, bro.

It's limited edition. The waffle fries, oh, dude. Dude, my mouth is watering. And you can put syrup on the waffle fries. You ever got the sample? You ever done that? No. Oh, my God.

Dude, today, it's your birthday. Fucking party, bro. Don't touch me, dude. Don't touch me. Hey, you ever just been in the mall and then got the sample of chicken? I dare you not to buy a whole fucking sandwich after that. You do the fucking U-turn. Bro, it's so good.

I'll buy eggs. I'll buy a dozen eggs after I eat it, bro. That's how fucking good Chick-fil-A is, dude. And also, the people that work at Chick-fil-A, a lot of times if you're in the Atlanta airport, a lot of fucking rappers and bootleg rappers work there. You can buy a cool CD, too. Oh, they'll fucking put that chicken with the pickle on a fucking mixtape, dude. Yeah, two mixtapes and a chicken.

No buns. That's your sandwich, bro. Two mixtapes, bro. That's what I want, dude. You want the remix? That's what you get. Bite into that fucking bass line. They got real shit over there, man.

Dude, that's the other thing I don't like about In-N-Out is the secret menu. That shit pisses me off with animal style or this style. Put it on the menu, bro. Bro, Wendy's is so much better, I think, even than In-N-Out. In-N-Out is just a bunch of fucking lettuce, bro. It's like, oh, hey, how much lettuce can we put on here and still get the bun to look like it's on the top? And a thin slice of beef. And a lot of the sandwiches look racist.

They put that little white helmet on them, that little white bag. I think you're thinking of White Castle. No, In-N-Out, man. They put it in like that white kind of half. Oh, box? Yeah, no, it's not a box. It's like a little. Oh, yeah, like the white pouch.

Yeah, it's like a Ku Klux Klan's hat. Oh, they put it in the white hood. They put it in that white hood. Did you put two fucking holes in that thing? I didn't even They put it in the White Hood. That burger in the White Hood. I didn't even think about it. I didn't even think about it, bro. Bro, that burger's looking for brothers in your neighborhood, and that shit needs to stop. Yeah, and they're not looking to play basketball.

Yeah. Here's the other thing, too. Here's the other thing. You got to think about Chick-fil-A. A little fucked up, but they do have standards. Yeah. I heard you can't even work there if you have tattoos. Yep.

You got to be religious. Yep, you got to know the Lord, boy. You got to be married. Yep. Can't be know the Lord, boy. You got to be married. Yep. Can't be no single mom trying to filet my chicken. Uh-uh, dude. You can't have any condoms in your pocket, bro. They want people that are just doing actual real sex.

God's work, which is making delicious chicken. And making delicious babies, dude. Yeah, you can't even think about sucking dick making my fries. Yeah, I don't know what you're talking about, but I'm going to say Chick-fil-A. Chick-fil-A all day. Let's see what the fans said. Dude, these are the... Oh, shit.

That was way closer than I thought, though. A lot of good stuff. Way closer than I thought. And let's go abroad real quick and find out, Kat, what do people eat and what do other people like?

Panda Express. No. Well, in Vietnam, they like Jollibee and KFC. There you go. Oh, KFC's huge. But McDonald's probably worldwide, yeah? Yeah, worldwide.

But what is Jollibee? Jollibee is Filipino food. Wow. Filipino fast food. Oh, wow. What kind of food are we talking, Kat? They have spaghetti. They have fried chicken.

Really good fried chicken, actually. Spaghetti or fried chicken? They have, it's a combo. So instead of like mashed potatoes, you can get spaghetti. That's disgusting. Okay. And Filipino spaghetti is slightly sweeter. Now I'm in.

God, dude, that sounds so good, bro. Some fucking agave on some vermicelli, son. I'm woke. That does sound nice. I'm fucking woke, son. Smoked penne with some sugar on top? Yeah, I know. Damn.

All right, the next one comes from Stuart Watson. Oh, yeah, this guy sounds like he's definitely done some things to women they didn't want. All right, what up, bee sting and rat king? Gang, gang. Skeet, skeet. This is Dr. Watson here coming at you with a debate question. Gang, gang, skeet, skeet. This is Dr. Watson here coming at you with a debate question.

Would you rather have a penis that's the size of a nipple or nipples that are the size of penises? Debate. Buzz, buzz. That dude probably has some big-ass nipples. I think Stu Watt is fucking coming in hot there with that fucking Rapunzel 2 style. I think he's on the run. He looks like he's on the run, yeah. They call it the lamb out there. Yep, too, style. I think he's on the run. He looks like he's on the run, yeah. They call it the lamb out there. Yep, yep,

yep. Listen, if you got them big old fucking pepperoni nipples that hang deep, too, you gotta think about it. You can't wear shit. Right. Like, no clothes, done. You just look like an asshole. You gotta wear baggy shit all the time, or you gotta

dress your nipples up all the time. It's exhausting. But would you rather have, so if you had wiener nipples, you'd have big wieners out here. I know. You can't really milk a man's wieners. I'm not going to bust with my tits. Oh, I would. What are you going to do? Just have them there?

You just want to get titty fucked? Who cares? Yeah, man. What? I think it'd be a party. It's your birthday, bro. No, not by a man. No, whatever you want.

By a woman. Well, no woman's titty fucking you, bro. Well, some woman could just do sex with you by your chest, you know? Oh, like squeeze them together with her tits? No, or just ride one of your nipples. Oh, I see what you're saying. Jesus Christ, dude. God dang, bro.

Be more clear, bro. How? Okay, I don't know. I mean, you really... How? Be less blurry, dog. Dude,, you really be less blurry, dog. Dude, you're blurry, bro. Dude, no, how am I blurry?

I'm talking about titty fucking. I don't know what you're talking about. The tits are gone. It's wieners, man. It's wieners on top, dude. Wieners on top? I would rather have that little nipple pee-pee, I think. Yeah, me too, bro.

Because imagine you could tell a girl, hey, I think. Yeah, me too, bro. Imagine you could tell a girl, hey, I got the smallest dick you've ever seen, you know. Everyone's gonna want to see it. Yeah, you want to come see the complete opposite of Stone Hinge, you know what I'm saying? You want to come see the smallest dick. You want to see the pebble? Yeah, you trying to get this pebble? You know what I'm

saying? You got the pebble dick, everyone's gonna want to see it. Oh, yeah. And no one cares that you're gonna jack off in front of them. Oh, in a park, a squirrel will try to run up and crack it if you have a little pebble penis, man. I think, yeah, that's the jam is that little bitty. Dude, you could probably do things. You could do luge or you could probably do stuff a lot easier. You do anything, really.

Bicycling? Sky's the limit. Oh. You ride all sorts of bikes. Don't worry about your dick hanging out the front. Also, if you got them dick nipples, it's a nightmare, man. It's a nightmare. You ain't playing any sports.

Can't take your shirt off in the bedroom. Nope. Can't take your shirt off at the pool, dude. People are going to try to throw like... People are going to try sucking your tits. Yeah, or throw those little Frisbees or those little... Discs? Yeah, those discs.

Oh, to try and win a teddy bear? Yeah, like try to get them a stick on your yeah that's a terrible idea yeah you'd be a fucking carnival game you're not even a child i don't want it dude you have to people would do that thing where they take little hot dogs if they get a picture of you and put buns on the outside of your tits but i mean it would be fun you know i think it would be fun it'd be an interesting life yeah it'd be an interest but know, I think it would be fun. It would be an interesting life. Yeah, it would be an interesting life. But so is having a pebble dick. Yeah. But in some countries, I think you'd really be the cat's meow.

What do people say? 76% said penis-sized nipples. Wow. Wow. That's crazy. That is insane. It says a lot. But also having a really little wiener and then nuts behind it would be crazy.

really little wiener and then nuts behind it would be crazy. Bro, you got them fat, filled up nuts with a little perched up dick on top. Oh, yeah, dude. Looking like a fucking toad with small eyes. You know when toads fill up? Yeah. It would be like a worm just kind of peeking out of an apple. Yeah. It would be fucking crazy.

Yeah, that's unnecessary. I think Stuart just needs to really kind of tighten up a little bit. I do love that rat tail, though. I like the way he's dressed. I think he needs to tighten up on life, though. Praise the Lord, brother. Yeah, hopefully you figure it out with your nips. Last one for Debate Club coming from JP from Kalamazoo.

Oh, yeah, Michigan. I want to come perform up there. Yo, what up, Brendan? What up, Theo? Quick question for y'all. Happy Post St. Paddy's, bud. Better food quality. yeah michigan i want to come perform up there yo what up brendan what up theo quick question happy post st paddy's but her food quality brick and mortar restaurants or food trucks gang gang buzz buzz buzz buzz my red bearded friend buzzy buzzy buzz um it's gonna be tough to fuck with brick and mortar because they're not moving they have a stationary they got that grill is there it's

parked they got a plan they got a plan with the food with a food truck it can mortar because they're not moving. They have a stationary kind of – They got that grill is theirs parked. They got a plan. They got a plan. With a food truck, it can be chaos. They're hit or miss. Some, amazing. You get in and out pretty quick. You walk the streets with your taco or churro or fucking pasta, whatever you got, or lobster roll.

Outside that though, man, brick and mortar, right? Yeah. You don't want a tornado for a meal all the goddamn time i like to go sit down at like a wendy's or like a arby's you know i like to be in there see who's in there get to know the locals you know see who's working see who's resting the riff a lot of complaint form yeah yeah trucks you don't have a complaint form at the food trucks there's no you know you got to go around to the driver's side and fucking kind of knock on the other window and it's just the same person comes over and and you're like, hey, the fucking –

Yeah. Yeah, you might be a good driver, but you're not a good cook. Yeah, it's very strange. It's very awkward. It's one person operation. Yeah, it's really crazy. It's the chef. It's the customer service.

It's PR. They're all in the same truck. It's the same person. Yeah, and I don't usually trust a grill that close to an emergency break. You know what I'm saying? Anywhere that you got like, you know, with a little, you know, they accidentally don't set the break and the whole fucking restaurant could just be out of business. Yeah, and there goes your grilled cheese.

Yeah. So I think it's a little risky and also out of the trucks they sell a lot of junk. You know, it's good stuff, but it's like it's nothing you could raise a baby on. Depends what, there's some that are hitters and some are terrible. Some's the worst food you ever try in your life. Some's some of the best food you ever try in your life.

Right now it's the Wild West, bro. Yeah, it's still like the Wild West. If you and I wanted to open one, we could do it. Yeah. Making fucking mushrooms if we wanted to. Yeah. You know? What would we call it?

I wonder if we did a food truck. Picey Bros. No. Picey Brothers Pasta? Picey Bros Pies. Ooh. P-P-P's. It's P-B-P.

Okay, nice try. Yeah, you're right. But still, man. You know what I'm saying, though. And I shouldn't have corrected you, man, but it's my birthday. If it was still your birthday, I would have let you slide. I appreciate it, bro. It is your birthday.

You do what you want. Paisy Brothers Pies, dude. Yeah, bro. Fucking just hitting them cold slices out the door, boy. Yeah, them fucking just thin New York slices. New York style pie. Yeah. We don't fuck with the thick crust.

Uh-uh. Get that shit out. We don't fuck with square slices. I want that graham cracker, those vegan hitters. Yeah. Something healthy for somebody, you know? It's pizza, so don't fuck it up, though, you know? They got kratom cake.

It's not pizza. I'm talking actual pie. Oh, you want to make like cherry pie and shit? Yeah, or say Pisces Brothers pizza, then, if's not pizza. I'm talking actual pie. Oh, you want to make like cherry pie and shit? Yeah, or say Pisces Brothers pizza then if it's pizza. Well, no, because the people in the know call pizza pies, bro. Yeah, dude, a couple people do. Pisces Bros pies and we got fucking sausage, pepperoni, meat lovers. What do you want, bro?

You want cheese? You want that margarita? We got it, bro. We got it, man. Whoa, bro. We got that, man. Whoa, bro. We got that Theo Crazy bread. That Theo Crazy bread. Put a little fucking Devil's Dangerous on top.

A little crab on top. A little kratom. A little kratom crust. Yeah, bro. A kratom crust. That deep dish kratom crust. That kratom cracker crust, bro. That show would be fire.

Dude, that would be pretty cool to have maybe like a creatine-filled donut. I could sell those. That'd be dope. It would be cool to have something that's like sweet, but also has that kind of power lifters vibe. Something that's about to, you know, just really just hit the gym, you know? Yeah, just put a bunch of caffeine in a fucking pizza roll. Yeah.

I love that, man. Wow. Another bad idea. What did they say? 62% of the fans said food trucks. Fuck that. If you got the right food truck, though, I can vouch for that. That shit is delicious.

Well, what is the difference between Postmates? It's just like how close do you want the food? How fast do you want to get it? Yeah, how fast do you want to get it? And usually the faster it is, the less good it is. Depends. Some restaurants take forever. You go to a steakhouse, you're there for seven hours. Really? No one has that time.

Yeah. It's dark. You got to talk to people, wait to be seated. It's loud. But you can order something that could be healthy for you. You get a food truck, it's like, fuck, what do we got here? It's one place. It's like sometime they got that Persian fucking roadster out there. It's just two Persian dudes selling fucking dirty beef out of the back.

You can find Armenian food trucks just selling hair. Oh, yeah. They're shaving each other in the back. Dude, that reminds me. Speaking of, we had Honey Boo Boo on earlier. One of my favorite episodes was when they went to the wig shop, and the name of the wig place was called Shhh. It's a wig.

No way. Yeah. That's so dope. Because wigs are those secret tops bro yeah wigs no one wants to know you have a wig on once you have a wig unless you have cancer if you have cancer and you want to have a wig for that you know that comfortability and you know to be less aerodynamic and that makes sense but if you're just wigging you know that shit is that shit's embarrassing because then all you're doing is trying to pretend like you don't have a wig on.

That's your whole life. That's your whole agenda for the day is that you don't get found out like you're a Russian spy in America. That you have a wig on. Like it consumes your life. You're right, bro. Dude, your whole life is just like, hey, do I look like I have a wig on or what? Your whole life is hoping a fucking gust of wind doesn't hit your day to fuck your whole world up. It is so weird, wigs.

Dude, we should definitely learn more about people with wigs. Dude, you ever seen when two girls get in a fight and someone has a wig? Yeah, yeah. Classic. You ever seen those kids that do the prank on Instagram where they grab someone's wig and runs off? Ah, dude. Classic. Dangerous, that sounds like.

Dangerous. Yeah. People kill over wigs, dude. Okay, what else do we got here? That does it for Debate Club. It's time for Rip My Drip. First up, we got Raina. What's the deal with her, man?

Rip My Drip, huh? Well, first of all, those ovaries that she has printed on the dress, what is that? Yeah, it's either ovaries or a calzone of some sort. Yeah, it looks like something that was in the microwave for too long, dude. Yeah, it looks like a Totino's pizza gone wrong. Oh, yeah, bro. Now, that's kind of sexy. Imagine if a girl had a skirt with a couple Totino's pizza rolls hanging off the side of it.

Oh, man. Oh, man. Let them cool off, too. Oh, but bite into one of them and burn your fucking lips first. Every time. Every time. Every time, bro. Dude, they could all be frozen.

There's that one that's fucking just like, oh. Just that one fucking assassin. Every time, bro. Dude, they could all be frozen, and there's that one that's fucking just like, oh. Fucking assassin. That bitch showed up. That lava assassin. That Chuck Norris of fucking Totino's pizza rolls. That bitch showed up ready to... Dude, look at this little pizza pocket. When was the last time I made a pizza pocket? Oh, yeah. And then they tried going pizza lean. Get the fuck out of my face.

Dude, yeah. The lean pockets. And they were just smaller. Yeah. It was half of a pizza pocket. Yeah, man. And it comes with that little coffin. And I still ate two of them. Yeah, dude. You know what I'm saying? Pizza pockets were good, man. Fuck yeah.

Shout out to pizza pockets. And pizza positories. Have you ever had those, bro? I haven't. You're on the run, bro, and you need to fucking. You need that pizza hit. Oh, you want that, oh, you want that, that the works thin crust? You just shove one of those pizza positories in your butt, dude.

All right. It's straight through the hole. It's like... The meat lovers? And yeah, after, if you belch a couple times, you can taste the pizza a little. Oh, damn.

Yeah. All right. Pretty cool. Speaking of meat lovers, so it looks like... She has a very basic girl's room. I will say that. I've been in a similar type of bedroom

probably 70 times. Me too. about 38 times. I'll tell you right now, that dresser, not reliable. That thing will fall off. That thing will break at any given moment. Now, the dresser looks possibly inherited from somewhere, from someone. It looks haunted, if anything. It could be haunted.

I could see the bottom drawer having a couple of former people in it. Now, I'll tell you this. You hit that fucking drip, drip pizza pocket right, that stuff on the wall is falling down. Oh, wow. If you're getting after it, that stuff on the wall, that fucking dream catcher or nightmare catcher, whatever the fuck that is, that's coming down. That's that fucking little hope tapestry. I'll tell you this, dude.

Well, that thing will definitely stay up if I'm fucking, bro. I'm that low-key fucker. You look like a vegan fucker. I'm the quiet fucker. I'm the emphysema of sex, dude. You know what I'm saying? Nobody. Everybody.

No one knows what's going on. Oh, nobody. Yeah. You look like that dude that lays down and gets fucked. Oh, yeah. And then smokes a cigarette afterwards. Oh, I'll smoke an invisible cigarette, dude. I bet you just lay there while she's like, you good?

Oh, yeah. And just complain about that. Yeah. Complain about that country. And then she walks up and takes a piss. Oh, yeah. I'm low-key. That's the vibe you give off, yeah. Very low-key. I don't mind sleeping before sex either, actually. That's one of my mold moves.

You like to rest? Let's just rest, yeah. Let me get that rest. Dude, watching two episodes of Dateline together, just as good as fucking, I think. Now you see you're getting older, bro. It's all good. Yeah, that's true. Next up for Rip My Drip, we've got... drip we but you look nice though i want to say that samantha what's her name tabitha reina reina yeah yeah now from bowling green bro is she oh wow it's a mental health facility uh next up we've got taj now big taj obviously Taj obviously opened up a bootleg pharmacy in his fucking living room.

Look at that stuff. Yeah, he did. Obviously, Taj sells fucking perfume on the weekends out of his car. Yeah, and it looks like he got some in his eyes, too, bro. Taj is Taj Mahal, bro. It looks like he spilled Rogaine all over his chest. Oh, yeah. His beard and his chest, just one continued piece.

Taj has definitely repurposed a little bit of local hair for sure. Or his bush has just grown all the way up to his neck, bro. You got to tighten up at that point. I think he has a one piece. It's a one piece hair piece. Some people have that. Some people's grandparents grew up in very cold areas, and they'll have full body families, full body hair on the family.

I mean, I can't even tell the necklace. It looks like a good looking dude. Yeah, see my handsome guy? He's got that scarf, unironed pants. I fucking respect that, dude. The fuck it pants? Yeah, fuck it, dude. What's up with those bracelets?

Zoom in on the watching bracelets for me. What's up with the chain? What are we doing here? He's got those little Bangladeshi hitters right there. Okay. Yeah, he does. And those could be his or those could be keepsakes from crime. The Middle East rings. You never know these days, man. It's a dangerous time. Look at that stolen China in the back. Yeah, you know that China's not yours, bro, unless he lives with his grandma. Ain't the last dude you knew under 80 years old with China. Go. That ain't his. Name the last dude you knew under 80 years old with China.

Go. That ain't his. Or he stole it. Or he's robbing this house and went, quick, I'm a fan of King of the Sting. Take my pick. Yeah. Let him rip my drip real quick while I steal this old lady's shit. Yeah, feel my steel.

What's it called? Send this in to him. You know? Take my China. Jesus, man. Okay. Shout out to Taj, though. But thank you for sending in Taj. Yeah, he's like a healthy man.

Hopefully he got away clean, bro. About 6'2", looks healthy, nice posture. Last one from Nova Scotia. This is CJ Hamilton. Damn, or it's Darius Rucker, bro. Darius Ruffer? What was the song? Why you whatever.

That's Derek Rucker. The dolphins make me cry. That's him Rucker. The dolphins make me cry. Yeah, dude. That's him, right? Hootie and the Blowfish. Yeah, dude. That's him right there, dude. I heard if you find Dearest Rucker and you yell out, Hootie, he freaks the fuck out.

Bro, really? Because he's Dearest Rucker now. He's killing country. I can see that. That's Fro Rogan. Go back to that dude, man. That's Fro Rogan right there, bro. Dude, he looks like all sorts of fun.

His pants are so tight. That's James Hardley. Look at right there, bro. Dude, he looks like all sorts of fun. His pants are so tight. That's James Hardley. Look at this dude, man. But I love he's got that Hawaii hitter on. He's got that chest meat showing out. Now, he's a total opposite of Sweet Taj that just sent in that JPEG. Yeah, he is. He's a smooth seal.

He's a smooth seal. He doesn't have any chest hair. Zero. He's the exact opposite. Look how slick. I bet you couldn't keep a drop of water on his chest for half a second. You ain't holding him down. Oh dude forget about it feel oh you put butter on that guy you'll never fucking hug him he's just i mean look how smooth he is and uh i'm not mad at

the fanny pack it's pretty filled up though what you're carrying i have no idea yeah that thing looks a little yeah you gotta you gotta take some items out of that fanny pack it's too thick bro you have too much shit to carry in there. You need a backpack if you got to carry that much stuff. Yeah, or just tie the fanny pack onto your back or sew it onto the back of a shirt. Yeah, that's a good point. Good looking dude, though. Not mad at the outfit, not mad at the chain.

Pretty confident. At his mom's house, no socks on. Yes. Shout out to this dude. Now, that's the giveaway, though, is you got the style, but you got to get a house or a place of your own. You got to get some respect for yourself. You got your socks on at your mom's house taking pictures.

You're too comfortable. You're too comfortable in the basement, bro. Yeah, too comfortable, man. Watching reruns of Family Ties. Get out. Yeah, get out. Get out to the world, bro. Get out in the world.

Start a food truck. See what you can see. Call it Pisces Bros Pie. Yeah, dude. Get out there. What else we got? That does it for Rip My Drip. Next up, King It or Sting It.

All right. Let's get into this, man. Dude, I tell you, man. The first one comes from... It's some angel dust. Is that still around, dude? God, I'd take a sum. Yeah, it's your birthday.

I wish somebody would accidentally fucking inject some into me. Yeah, I want mine some. This comes from Deacon from Vegas. Greetings from rainy Las Vegas. Gang gang, buzz buzz. Got king or sting it for you. King it or sting it. Nipple rings on hot chicks.

Let me know what you think, guys. Or dudes. Well, Conor McGregor going through a tough week, first of all, I want to say that. He's had too much Profit 26 or whatever it is. What is it? Proper 12, bro. Proper 12. But I'll say this gang gang to you, brother, and that's one of our Armenian brothers right there.

He could be German. Not Armenian, is he? Let's hear him again. I'd probably say he is straight from Dublin. From great New Las Vegas. Oh, Las Vegas. That's a Las Vegas accent. And what was his question?

He wants to know about. Buzz, Buzz. Got King or Sting it for you. King or Sting it for you. Nipple rings on hot chicks. Oh. Oh. Fucking King it, dude.

Dude, King, King, King. Bro, my thing is, too, dude, a lot of times I'll give a girl a key to my apartment, just put it right on that nipple ring, dude. Yeah, I'll leave my fucking garage door open on that nip, king. Bro, my thing is, too, dude, a lot of times I'll give a girl a key to my apartment, just put it right on that nipple ring, dude. Yeah, I'll leave my fucking garage door open on that nip, bro. I trust a girl with nipple tits. Oh, yeah. She's down for the cause. If I release them tits and their pairs, I think we're about to get wild.

Oh, yeah, and you see them nipple rings, and sometimes you'll have a girl, she's a janitor, she's got like 30 keys on one of the nipples. It's just all dudes' fucking fucking keys and it doesn't matter. Here's the thing though. If you're getting hot and heavy with a girl and you don't release them fucking one, two tits and you see some nipples, it'd be like showing up to your friend's house. He opens the garage with two motorcycles and a bag full of coke. Oh yeah.

You're getting wild, bro. You're getting wild. Dude, he knows. You know it's going to be a wild night. Oh yeah. And sometimes you'll see a girl maybe in miami or somewhere exotic ecuador where they'll walk their dog they'll have a chain going from the dog to their tit you know where you can have your tit out even more so that's fucking baffling

bro and that's when i throw that frisbee and watch that thing fucking perk out yeah bro yeah yeah so we're all four nipples yeah i'm I'm saying four of that, dude. Yeah, me too. King it. Thank you, sir. Good question, bro. Next up, Mary. King it. Hi, guys. Love you.

Love your podcast, King and Sting. The Father and the Kid, this past weekend. We listen to you. We stream you. Thank you, Mary. It's become our new obsession. But enough of the ass kissing. Let's get down to you. We stream you. Thank you, Mary. It's become our new obsession. But enough of the ass kissing. Let's get down to business. Jesus.

King it or sting it. Lip injections. Gang gang sting sting. Love you. Buzz buzz, girl. Wow, sting sting was kind of cool. Sting sting's pretty cool. Sting sting rolls off your tongue, doesn't it? Gang gang sting sting. Buzz buzz sting sting. Buzz buzz kind of fucks everything up. Buzz buzz. I don't know. Buzz buzz sting sting. buzz buzz buzz kind of delay it kind of fucks everything up

buzz buzz i don't know buzz buzz sting sting they're good sting sting gang gang drip drip um lip injections listen man from my experience i'm a fan yeah i'm a fan dude ask kylie jenner how her lips are doing she went she's dope ass girl now before she had nothing her lips are doing. She's a dope-ass girl. Now, before, she had nothing. Her lips didn't exist. She goes to the Kim K doctors. Now she's a smoke show. Found her a man. Found her a rapper.

Sure, he's cheating on her, but at least she got one. She got one in the fucking web. You know what I'm saying? She wouldn't do that. Anything's possible through lip injections and God. You know what I'm saying? That's true. Now, if you definitely-

Look at that dumb ass on the left. Lips from the Lord, dude. Now look at her on the right. First of all, on the left, that's a nine-year-old child. That's a nine-year-old man, but look what the doctor did on the right. Yeah. But she looks too artificial for me. I'm scared about how she's going to look in three years.

She's going to start to look- You remember when you have a pool toy and you leave it out in the sun over the summer, and later in the summer, you're like, oh, man, this thing- I thought this was yellow. Now it's a bronze. summer, you're like, oh, man, this thing. I thought this was yellow. Now it's a bronze. Yeah, it's bronze and it's flattened a little bit and you don't know what's going on. Yeah, you know what I did?

Took that shit back to the store and had them work on it. Wow. And then it came back even better. That's what you can do with these girls with their tits, their face, their mouth, even asses. We had a guy, but us did pool toy repair, dude. It's not a big business. That was the problem. No, it's not booming.

But yeah, I say lip injections. I say no. It just seems uncomfortable. Even if you have nothing, though, Theo? Even if you have that little twizzler for an upper lip? I'd rather see that fucking Lester Holt, you know? And Lester Holt, if he was a real crime hunter, you'd fucking track down your upper lip, daddy.

And I'll fucking say that. I think I've said it before. But Lester Holt has zero upper lips, bro. Holy fuck, bro. Yeah. down your upper lip daddy and i'll fucking say that i think i've said it before oh but lester has zero upper lips holy fuck bro yeah you don't tell me he'd look a thousand times better with two lips with two lips like he only has one like someone bit off the top yeah like he was with some whore in the early 90s she bit off his top lip oh yeah with shamwell's ex-girlfriend it looks like he had a little bit of maybe too much Coke one time, that fucking hard-hitter Coke. And he just ripped it off himself.

Yeah. Thought it was, yeah. That front piece. Dude, I just feel like you've got to have some lips, bro. That fucking top-soft bumper. I don't think you have anything heavy, though, dude. If you kiss a girl that has those injections, it's like trying to eat a piece of hard sushi. No, not if you do it right.

You're talking about that eel? No, not if you do it right, though, man. If you do it right, you go to a good doctor, they look good, man. They look neat. I'll say that. They look cool. They look, they remind you of like. You ever been with a girl with a fake ass?

I don't know. Like a Brazilian ass where they put in the fat? No. Not the. What is that? Awesome. Is it? This is me. Awesome. I've seen some fake asses that haven't aged very

well though and like some of that starts to go out on the side or the leg exception bro for the go to miami i was just in miami fake ass is everywhere really best time of your life how much is a fake ass you think 30 40 g's jesus no i don't have no idea i get half of it and just you know have that side walk by that side with the guys. You could do that. Just stay on one side. Just walk that same street. Yeah, you could do that.

All right, next one. This comes from the self-proclaimed Lot Lizard King. Hell yeah. Credit. Theo. King it or sting it. Fucking. Snow. What do you think, bros? credit Theo king it or sting it fucking snow

what do you think bros gang bang cuz cuz gang bang yeah hit that horn bro shout out to the wild lizard king bro when they pull that horn

boy that's that fucking titty whistle the lizards go and they come running to the trucks, man. Fucking Komodo dragon horn. Snow, that's a good one. Listen, I grew up in the snow.

Did you? I grew up in Denver in the snow, and you can fucking keep it, bro. Did you really or not? You ever had yellow snow? Yeah, I grew up in the snow. You ever had yellow snow? No, it's dirty. Yeah, people pissing in it.

Yeah, I could see that, but there's so much more snow you could go by. You'd be surprised. People just piss everywhere in the snow. I've never seen anything like that. You've never been to Denver? I have been to Denver. Recently? I mean, I'm sure people have pissed throughout time, so I don't think.

Were you there in the 90s? Nope. So there we go. So I think a big no to snow. Yeah, I think snow is- It's annoying. It's cold. It looks pretty when it first falls.

Then give it an hour or two and the cars and people walking on it looks into shit. But snow, I think, is that excitement. It's like free excitement just out of the sky. It reminds you that you live on a plane that know, some higher power drops snow on you. You know, it's like it reminds you that, you know, you get free excitement. You get to make a snowman. You get to get out of school when you're young. You get to get, you throw snow at somebody and they throw it harder at you and hit you in the face.

Yeah, you learn a lesson. A snowball fight. Bro, this is the thing. You know how you say snow days? You know what type of shit we had to go through to get a snow day? I mean, it would have to be a fucking Category 7 blizzard. We used to have to go through some shit. They would never cancel it, man.

Really? No, it was exhausting for everyone involved. But you needed it. To learn what? Huh? Yeah. To learn what? Great question.

While you stayed at home with your mom, I had to go to school and learn other shit. Dude, I had to bike to school five miles, kicking crocodiles away from my feet, huge mosquitoes. One time a mosquito picked me up and took me to a different school, picked me right up off my bike. That's the movie Jumanji, bro. Well, I'll

say this, dude. What was the guy's question? This guy's a trucker, bro. This guy's obviously done some fucking... Dude, he's the Lot Lizard King. Yeah. That's for sure. Sure. Lot Lizard King, bro. Dude, imagine getting smell on the fucking, feeling the rumble of that truck and getting

a sweet hummer at the same time. Now, that is God, brother. Preach, brother. God. That is God, boy. That's US of A all the way. Damn, boy. All dropping down.

Dude, I would pour gasoline out of the window while I drive if I was driving a big truck like that. You know what I'm saying? Dude, I would drink Mountain Dew Red, just fucking Mountain Dew Code Red and just fuck all the lot lizards if I was him. I just have a whole fucking slurpy machine in the back of my chair, man, and just get my dicks up all over the nation. I'd pull into Montana. I'd go all over. Vermont. Vermont. You bet your ass I'm getting my asshole licked in New Hampshire. Wow. Yeah, bro. I'd go all over. Vermont. You bet your ass I'm going to get my asshole licked in New Hampshire. Wow.

Yeah, bro. I'm having clam chowder in Boston while getting sucked off. Jesus, dude. What's up, bro? You ever had some gumbo in New Orleans? Yeah, man. While getting sucked off in a truck? I don't think so.

Then you ain't living, dude. You're right. You're right. God, bro. That's what I'm saying. This guy's living the dream. We're the suckers in here. If he has a gun, he is. If he doesn't, though, what's he doing? He's right. God, bro. That's what I'm saying. This guy's living the dream. We're the suckers in here. If he has a gun, he is.

If he doesn't, though, what's he doing? He's the lizard king, bro. That's true. He probably has at least a.38. I would say this, man. I think snow is great. I think it's, you know, I don't have to deal with it as much, so I know that some people have a tough time. But it shuts down the interstate, which gives you a chance to meet other people instead of having to just drive by them all the time.

I think snow gives you a chance to stay home from work sometimes. I fell down in the snow. You ever slipped on black ice still? Yeah, actually, I slipped a couple weeks ago. I still have a cut on my leg from it. Where did you slip in black ice? New York City. All right, that's fair.

Dude, I was- That shit is so slippery. Running across the street, and I was like, oh, that's- It's kind of- I would pay so much money to have that fucking footage. It hurts so bad. It reminds you how, like, fuck, if that was a little worse, I could have died. No, here's the thing. If you were a little older, you would have broke your hip. No, you're dead.

You're breaking your hip. Snow kills old people all the time, dude. And look, here's the thing. Old people are great until they're not. Until they get hurt and you got to fucking hear them complain in the hospital for the rest of their life. Dude, it's fucking, look, it thins the herd a little bit. And we need snow. Every now and then a couple old people, you know, they head to heaven off that fucking snow slip.

And that's how it works. The plants need melted snow, water. So I say king it. I say fuck snow, water. So I say king it. I say fuck snow. And that does it for king it. Fuck you. Sting or sting. King it or sting it.

It's time for some relationship advice. And just a reminder, you can send your relationship questions to kingitorstingit at gmail.com. We need some more of these. Let these two guys help you out. Let the experts help you out, bro. Let the one, two Pisces bro experts help you out man yeah dude he's you know fucking

imaginary lot lizards and i'm lonely so let's figure this shit out people we got you the first one up comes from briggs great name briggs meyer make toothbrushes hey king, King and the Sting. It's a break from Utah. Wow. Just chilling, coming back from university. The U. Anyway, I got a relationship advice question for you guys. Why is he looking around? So, I've been dating this girl for a couple of months. She is four years fresh off the boat from China.

Oh, wow. So, she's that authentic Chinese. Oh, yeah. Why'd you look at Kat like that? Sweet noodle. Anyway, I've been dating her for a while, and it's been going really good. But last weekend,

I told her that I think I like her. I kind of dig her. And she didn't really reciprocate, so I was kind of confused. She doesn't speak English. She doesn't speak English. She doesn't speak English. She doesn't speak English.

She doesn't speak English. She doesn't speak English. She doesn't speak English. She doesn't speak English. She doesn't speak English. She doesn't speak English. She doesn't speak English. She doesn't speak English. She doesn't speak English. She doesn't speak English. She doesn't speak English. She doesn't speak English. She doesn't speak English. She doesn't weak English well and the next morning she texts me and it turns out she's 33 years old

hey man brother I'm only 24 so that's a nine-year difference it's like a really big difference question is what do you guys think about Ron, bro? Big age gap. She's a spy. Are they okay? Bro, Ron! You fucking figured it out. Report to authorities. Fuck a relationship. God bless. Bye.

No, bro. Dude, you figured it out. You know how long FBI have to fucking do work to fucking catch these Chinese spies? And she opens up to you. You know how long FBI have to fucking do work to fucking catch these Chinese spies? And she opens up to you. You know why she didn't understand what he said? She didn't speak fucking English, bro.

That's why. Run, bro. She's 33 in Chinese years. Yeah. You know how old Yao Ming was when he came here? He's 67. He was older. We just figured it out.

Dude, if your girl says she's 33, she's 72 years old and she's a spy. Well, she definitely seems like someone that's interested in you, though. I'll say that. You know, she came over here. I wonder where they met. I guess online, probably. And she came over here to see you. I think you got to at least give her a couple months to see how it plays out.

I mean, also, how do you not have an idea maybe that somebody's 33, you know? No, we talked about this. Chinese people, you cannot tell. Yeah. Like, benefit of the doubt there, he probably looked at her like, damn, she's young as fuck. She's at university with me, too. Yeah, she's there infiltrating to be a college student. Yeah.

And obviously, honeydicked you into being her man. And when you go, oh, I think I love you, and she's like, she doesn't know fucking English, bro. You're that little white fucking treat, brother. Yeah, bro. You're that little soy snack. You're a small piece in this fucking clock. It's a Chinese clock. Treat her with respect, man, because the Chinese,

they don't give a fuck, dude. Nah, she'll jack you off with her feet. They kill you, they come back as a dragon. They come back as a lamb. They come back as a fucking anything they come back as a lamb, they come back as a fucking anything they want as another Chinese person, dude. The reincarnation wheel of being Chinese spins so much faster.

I hear that the holding tank, if you die as just a white guy, it's fucking 10 to 12 years to get back into existence. It's Chinese. Dude, you're working at a factory in a fucking year and a half. Making iPads.

Yeah, or iPatches. Let's go abroad. Let's go to our consultant, Kat. What do you think about this? Since you may know these people. Well, I don't know. I do know over in Asia we are much more sexually

repressed. We talk about stuff like that. She is older. She's here. I mean mean i don't know but even though but yeah but i don't think he was like yo i'm telling you my dick sucked tonight after class i think he was like hey i think i'm really into you we should get a bite to eat and she just ran off well how do they view that that age gap dating and other places do do you think? Oh, yeah. You never really see an old Japanese dude with a young Japanese girl. Well, I know in China specifically, there are more guys trying to get more guys to date girls because so many parents wanted boys.

So during the one child policy, a lot of people kept the sons and gave away the girls. So now there's a big gap in girl to guy ratio. It's a real cock fest out there. Yeah. So why did she come here, you think? Maybe she likes white guys? Is that a new thing? Maybe.

A lot of Asian girls do like white guys. Wow. Dude, there's hope. Bonus, huh? There's hope, brother. Don't touch me, dude. Couple fucking Pisces bros gangbang. Gang.

Cuz, cuz, bro. Drip, drip. So good luck out there, man. At least you're in Utah. It's a beautiful place. Good luck to Utah State and the NCAA tournament. The U. Yeah, it seemed like you have a chance, brother.

I'd be careful, though, man. Tread lightly with this one. She's obviously hiding something more than just her feelings for you. Yeah. I think she's a spy. That Bichon Frise, bro. All right. Her feelings for you. Yeah. I think she's a spy. That Bichon Frise, bro. All right.

And the second and last one for relationship questions comes from Ali. Ooh, Ali. Ooh, Ali. Hi, guys. It's Ali here from England. I'm just wondering about a little bit of advice from you. So basically, sometimes I like working out and going to the gym. No way. With my bros more than I like having relations with my girlfriend.

Oh, you're gay, bro. Is this bad? Let me know. Not at all. You're a gay man, and there's nothing wrong with that. You think that he is? If you would write—hold on. Beautiful. Now, listen. He's a good-looking dude. Looks fit, right? Congrats. Tight little S curl he has on his head there. This is all good. Looks like a straight character out of fucking Metal Gear Solid.

Fantastic. Listen, if you would, there's not, I love you. I love most of my friends. If I could rather fuck a hot girl than lift weights with my bros, I'm picking the girl 99.9% of the time, bro. Well, that's old fashioned thinking, I think. I think, look, man. The gym's going to be there.

Yeah, but it's not going to be there at the time that all your buddies can go and maybe somebody has a fucking sack of fresh chicken cutlets afterwards. You guys can grill up and fucking make fun of each other. I think you have some of those opportunities, man. Fucking's kind of old school, dude. People that are, you know, it's like, you know, we get it. We fucked, you know. So it's like I used to do that in college, man.

I'd rather go sometimes with my buddies over to the rec center and do the weights and go get the meal plan after that and get that unlimited pudding. And so they had all kind of good stuff over there. So, look, I feel you, man. But I think you just don't want to disrespect your girlfriend that you do it all the time. I think you want to make some time for her. But I didn't like to ejaculate because I didn't want to not have any power at the gym. I'd have more power if I had more seed in me. Yeah, if you had that cum flowing through the veins. The thing is too, and listen, maybe he's not gay. I will say this. Yeah, give him a chance, guy. Well, hear me out here.

I'm going to defend him here. I would much rather hang out with my bros. I'd much rather hang out with my bros if we're just hanging out for a good time. I have more in common with my bros than I do a girl or my girl. It's like, all right. You know? All right. Dude, yeah.

So I get what he's saying there. You're like the dad from the wonder years dude you just come home you're fucking pissed and then your family leave you all your kids leave to go fucking be in woodstock yeah so i'm gonna say this man i think if you gotta do what you gotta do trust your instincts dude it doesn't mean you're a homoerotic guy and even if you are bro who cares you're handsome guy you could probably fuck one of your buddies if you want. Dude, you guys could deadlift all day and fuck each other at night. Yeah.

You could do that. They do that at fucking 24-Hour Fitness in West Hollywood. It's a package you pay for. Yeah, but look, if you want to just treat your girl right, make sure that if you go get something for dinner, get her one. Did he say he has a girl, though? Or did he say he'd rather hang out with the dudes than girls? Than his girl, I think. Alright, well maybe it's the wrong girl. But also, maybe you've

been with her for a while, she's boring as fuck, so of course you want to hang out with your friends. She sounds nice, man. I thought. She sounded like a nice girl. Well, he didn't give us any info. I need more info on him. Yeah, but I'm an easy... But he's a handsome dude. Maybe he wants to fucking power clean his suck. What else we got? That does it for relationship advice.

Send those in to kinginthesting at gmail.com. It's time for the last segment before I start my heart, and it's Flop My Aunt. This was sent in by Christopher. This is his Aunt Mariah. Well, I know what Theo got for his birthday, a boner. Dang. A little bit of a boner. I used, actually, masturbation last night, so.

Oh, yeah? Yeah. First time in a while? Yeah. The tubing still works and everything? Yeah. Were you exhausted? Just, yeah, I probably shouldn't have done it.

Why not? I don't know. Did you charge your P.O. before you did? No, I just was kind of just, I don't know, I was, like, upset and then ended up just jerking off. But Mariah seemed like a nice person. This is actually Aunt Chloe sent in from Jason. Okay. Aunt Chloe.

Dude, Chloe is a – I'm sorry. Is that Jasmine from Aladdin? Yeah. Good God, man. Chloe seemed like a nice person. I would love to say hi. And she looks nice in yellow. Little red bag that she has matches her shoes.

She looks kind of fancy, though. That would be my only concern. Yeah, she looks like she might be, you know, you're not going to take her to the Cheesecake Factory. She might expect a little more than that. Here's the thing. Homeboy who was saying he'd rather lift with his bros than hang out with his girl. Yeah. Does your girl look like this? Because then you gay bro well i don't know bro sometimes a fancy

girl you'd be around them so much and they just keep talking about something and you don't know what they're saying and you feel like you need to go home i feel you it's like you don't even speak the same language sometimes yeah it's like well she's a lot lizard and you're just like dude you're too much dude then the lot has ferraris in bro, because this bitch ain't getting into a damn Honda Civic. No, she's the gecko of the lizard. She's that colorful gecko. You know those cute geckos? You're like, god damn, that's a cute ass lizard.

She'll save you 15% on your car insurance. Fo sho. Fo sho. Beautiful aunt, man. Thanks for sending her in. God damn, she's a smoky lizard. Yeah, if you want any, you know, if you guys need nieces or nephews in the family, let me know. Yeah, if you need some genetics, let me know.

Yeah, I'm with you. Bad genetics, dude. Well, well. Okay. If you want your kids to have the body of Kermit the Frog, I'll send Theo over. Okay, what do we got? Next up, this is Aunt Heather from Michael Salazar. Now, I'm going to tell you this right now.

Heather, if you're listening or if her family's listening, get her a nap. Really? That's all I'm going to say. Get her a nap right now. She looks tired. She's fucking exhausted. She does look tired. But I'll say this.

Beautiful smile. She's obviously from Slovenia. Or I would also say Poland. She looks like maybe she was sent a sexy pic after folding the entire family's laundry. Yes, she does. And she's having a fucking affair on the side and sent this pic. She's heartwarming. She seems like a woman that's heartwarming.

This is the kind of woman that cares about you, man. She's got that, you know. She'll wash the shit stains out of your undies and make you stroganoff. That's what she looks like. Oh, she's got the soft badge tits, too. Are you talking about the softies. Oh, she's got the soft, bad tits, too. Are you talking about the softies? Yeah, she's got those soft hitters, man. Sugar baby hitters.

But I like that. This is the kind of woman that loves you, man, loves you first. Beautiful Aunt Misha, what's her name? It is Aunt Heather. Heather. Oh, just Heather. Nothing foreign. So they might be from Michigan.

You know, they might be from Green Bay. Hudson Falls, New York. Ooh, close. Still a bay, Hudson Bay. Close. Shout out to her. Seriously, if you're listening, warm glass of milk and a nap now. Yeah, maybe take a nap.

Or get eight hours, or just sleep for days. Or take a, yeah, relax a little. I'll see you at a meeting, I bet. She seems like a woman that I know from around the room. Again, I'm sticking with she makes a mean beef stroganoff. What else you got? Last one for Flan, my aunt. This is Aunt Mariah from Christopher.

What is going on? And where's she at? Connecticut, probably. Somewhere fancy. They did not say. Heaven? Where? They didn't say.

Paradise? Jesus. Persia? You ain't dealing with a boner now. Aunt Mariah? Don't fucking touch me when we got boners. Don't touch me.

Pisces. Pisces boners. My birthday creep. Pisces boner bros. God damn, that's somebody's aunt, dude. Dude, I would have been a nephew forever if my aunt looked like that. I don't even think I had a fucking aunt. I was just jerking off to

nobody. Yeah, my aunts don't look like that. Dude, if I had an aunt like that, I'd breastfeed off the whole family. You know what I'm saying? I'd definitely breastfeed off that aunt and only that aunt. Beautiful aunt. She seems like, is she schooled? Is she education? I would say so.

With that pose and just the nice bronze skin, she screams to me degrees. Blue nail polish, that screams to me GEDs. Because of the blue? Yeah. She looks like a fancy law lizard, man. Yeah, she looks fucking risky too, man. She's sitting on a nice bathtub. That is an expensive bathtub. So that's either

at a hotel room or if that's at her house, well, I'm priced out of the scenario already. So that's above my price point, this young lady. I'd fly that ant first class. Wow. Yeah, I'm there right now. There you go, man. There you go. Shout out to that fine ass ant. Yeah, you got a nice ant

there. She definitely, you know, I don't know. She seems pretty hot. That does it for this week's Fly My Aunt. Going forward with your submissions for your aunts or relatives, send in a couple facts about them. Let's get some info on them that we can know about. I need to know what she does

for work, her address, social security number. Pretend you're creating a dating profile for them. Give us a little info on this girl. But that does it for Flaw My Aunt. It's time to wrap it up with what inspired you guys this week. Let's do Start My Heart.

That tired-ass aunt inspired me. Go take a nap. I know. I feel nappy I think it was those donuts No don't blame the donuts Let's see here Start my heart this week Would go to Deontay Wilder

Because in the world of professional boxing Which is a nightmare of a world For professional sports Everyone's just bouncing to the highest bidder And just playing whatever. I'll get $100 million here, but I'm going to fight scrubs because it's best for this promoter. And when Showtime put all this money behind a young Deontay Wilder and built his name

and got him where he's at, and he had those same offers, he decided to stick with Showtime and ride it out because he's a loyal-ass dude, which doesn't happen in sports very often. So mine's Deontay Wilder. Shout out to Deontay Wilder. I respect that, man. I'm going to go with that Vernal. I'm going to go with Mother Nature. Mother Nature really started my heart this week.

They got that Vernal Equinox, and that's tomorrow. So it's a real special time when, you know, basically Mother Nature does whatever, you know, she basically turns into David Blaine. It's in the Northern Hemisphere, in the Southern Hemisphere. And it is awesome. So if you want to be a part of something special, I'm saying Mother Nature. People always, you know, slipping on this bitch saying, oh, she don't do this, she don't do that. You sound like the worst fucking earth science teacher in the world describing what's happening right now.

Okay, Deontay Wilder, dude. You ever heard of him? You just went, tug my heart is earth. What? Earth. Mother nature. Because spring is coming and flowers are booming. Well, you try to do spring, you can't even fucking get your act together, dude.

Spring is when you take something that's all beaten down by winter and make it fucking pop again. And the only lady out there doing that bad bitch work is fucking Mother Nature, Vernal Equinox. She got the solstices and another equinox later in the year. This bitch is busy, okay, getting the bees to buzz and the flowers to fuck, dude. And nobody else does it like this bad bitch right there. Fucking Mother Nature. Shout out to Mother Nature. Thank you. It's your birthday, man. It is, dude. And nobody else does it like this bad bitch right there. Fucking Mother Nature. Shout out to Mother Nature. Thank you.

It's your birthday, man. It is, man. It's my birthday, dude. I'm going to CarMax. I'm fucking trading my car. You're going to your car? Yeah. You're sick of it, huh?

Yeah. Just start walking everywhere. Hurts my back. Man, I love walking. I love walking, too. It's just too hard here to even cross the street. People get pissed at you. Oh, my God.

It's a nightmare. Yeah. Dude, get a scooter. Be the grown man on a scooter. I thought about it. Yeah, I know. I don't want to take your Stilo though. Nah, I don't really fuck with them anymore. Really? Not really. Have you seen your Instagram, bro? I haven't been on one. You won't see one on there anymore.

That's okay. Yeah, bro. We'll see you next time, bro. Keep up, bro. I'm keeping up, man. Alright. Well, that's it, bro. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to the king master himself. Yep. The rat king. When's your birthday? It was yesterday, bro.

Remember Pisces Bros Pies? Oh, yeah. Fuck, dude. Too bad it was yesterday, man. Nobody remembers that. Yours is almost over, though. We just celebrated. So yours is kind of over now, too, though.

It's just getting started. You know what I'm saying? I feel you, bro. I'll be in Milwaukee this weekend, over, though. We just celebrated. So yours is kind of over now, too, though. It's just getting started. You know what I'm saying? I feel you, bro. I'll be in Milwaukee this weekend, Friday, Saturday. Milwaukee, Turner Hall, baby. Get it. Wow. I'll be at San Jose, and then I'll be in Phoenix next weekend.

Next week, I'm in Washington, D.C., D.C. Improv. All those shows are almost sold out. Get them. TPACA.com. Dude, for reals, happy birthday, man. Gang, gang. Thank you, man. Happy belated birthday to you, bro.

Buzz, man. Gang, gang, thank you, man. Happy belated birthday to you, brother. Buzz, buzz.