The Golden Hour - Episode 122: Billy Throb Snortin'

Episode Date: May 21, 2021

Theo and Brendan discuss the Tony Hinchcliffe controversy and talk Adderall, fake butts and leg lamps, Nikki Glaser, all new Flaunt My Aunt's, hot springs, relationship advice for couples sleeping in separate rooms, teflon pans vs cast iron, creationism vs evolution and much more! Get your King and the Sting merch at katsmerch.com    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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or watch on Monster Energy's YouTube Unleashed with Danny and the Dingo Fueled by Monster Energy I really have like a substitute teacher's ass you're that sloppy Joe ass will you calm down? I'm right here, dude.

And it's Asian Awareness. It's Asian Awareness mode. Dang, dang. Buzz, buzz. Back off my broccolini. Get your life together. It is. Don't touch me, bro.

I'm not touching you, dude. God, dog. You guys need to get in a family hot dog eating contest. I bet y'all got some origami hands, baby. I took one of his. I started. I'm not kidding. I took it five minutes later.

Like, I was like, what the fuck? I didn't feel it kick in because I was so used to my prescription. Ten minutes later, my teacher's clapping her hands in front of my face. I was so focused on something on the whiteboard. I started to drool and I zoned out. That's how... See, that's the focus I need. That sounds effective, man. That's the focus I need out of you. You should have gotten on a fucking F-16 and fucking fought the terrorists, man.

Yeah. That's what our fucking army needs, man. Yeah. If you're that focused, dog... Yeah. So what'd you do with your focus you just kind of went to sleep i know i was this was like when i was in school like i did my uh like i had school all day i'd practice i was just on another level you kids what do you need adderall i mean you're just

in math class taking adderall and it's the same math dude it's not like they changed the numbers that's been around since when we was in there and you got cell cell phones these days. Well, if I don't take it, I don't do anything. And you have Chinese kids in your class. We weren't even allowed to have Chinese kids. Yeah, it sounds like

you just like to get high, Bubba. Yeah, it sounds like it. You're a drug addict. Let's get it. And so is your father. Yeah, you're a drug addict, dude. And Brendan, you're dressed like that,

you're dressed like that husband from that, what's that cartoon, Nick? A husband from that cartoon? The that cartoon, Nick? A husband from that cartoon? The Flintstones? Huh? Yeah. Yeah, dude.

Dude, you look like Weekend at... Dude, you look like... Dude, you look like Weekend at Bernie's side piece. You look like head Flintstone. You look like a gay freaking guy who lives in a cave. You know what? When I put this, I looked at him and I said, man, I look like I frequent the Abbey pretty often. You look like a gay freaking guy who lives in a cave. You know what? When I put this I looked in the mirror I said man I look like

I frequent the Abbey pretty often. You look like a concierge at a ball bag dude. I look like the ice boy I'm fucking at the Abbey man.

Yeah. So you're running low on ice sweetie. Sweetie. So gay. Hey boys he looks like the guy that like you go around

the cart path but on a bike you know and pull over there's a little trolley of cold pops. No I like the guy that you go around the cart path, but on a bike, you know? And pull over. There's a little trolley of cold pops. No, I'm the guy at the Abbey with the shot. I rub my tits in your face, man. Just like a shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot. People like that now.

People like man's tits and everything, man. We had Nikki Glazers in here. She didn't know us. She said, what did she say about sex, Nick? I like her. All of it? I don't know. She almost lost us our Raising Cane spot. Oh, that's a great point. Oh, why? What did she say about sex, Nick? I like her. All of it? I don't know. She almost lost us our Raising Cane spot.

Oh, that's a great point. Oh, why? What would she say? She don't like chicken. She don't like men. I mean, she likes men. She likes men. Only certain ones?

She don't like male chickens, basically, I guess. Or she doesn't eat chicken. She's a virgin. Oh, she just eats the plants? She's a virgin. It's working, though. She's bodied up now. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. She might be best body in comedy, Doug. It's working, though. She's bodied up now. Yeah. Oh, yeah. She got that. Might be best body in comedy, though. A celery mommy, though. Hell yeah, dog. There's not a lot of bodies in comedy, though, are there? Like good bodies? No.

Men or women? No. It's not really a thing. It's not that sport. It's not. It's not. It's not. You know?

It's just not. That's one thing you got to really, you're going to have to. Oh, you're right. I'm at a crossroads right now because I was in the gym this morning, deadlifting 475. It's not. It's not. You know? It's just not. That's why I think you gotta really, you're gonna have to. Oh, you're right. I'm at a crossroads right now because I was in the gym this morning, deadlifting 475, and they go, you wanna post this? I said, I don't think so, man. Yeah.

It is a thick boy summer, but I don't think so. Also blew my tricep out. So that's good. It is hanging on by a thread right now. Really? You were at the comedy store last night? Yeah. Were you dressed like that? Uh-oh.

Yeah, they wouldn't let you in. We've got a flaunt my aunt. We've had some good ones recently. We're going to try to do one a week, and this guy returns, and he's awesome. Nick said, fuck your comedy store. I met this guy before. No, I appreciate it, Nick. Thank you for keeping the show rolling.

Theo Thon, Schwenden Brab, it's that 10-speed splitter back with another hitter, boy. Travis from Mazury, Ohio. Nothing good ever came from here. Nothing good comes from here like my Aunt Bert. As you can see, there's obviously a little bit of inner family erotica going on somewhere on my mother's side because that's where this woman came from. She loves bingo. She loves the color blue.

She's always got her signature blue eyeshadow on 100% of the time since I was a kid Bingo huh? I-69 dog That is a dime She always has that makeup on She loves bingo And she loves talking to my grandma for hours and hours

And hours at a time She actually had to wait for my grandfather to die Before she was allowed back in the house He hated her so much. Anyway, here's Bert. She's 80. Dang, she'll raise Nick, I bet. Hell yeah, she'll take Nick under the wing.

Nick has a new couch to crash on. Yeah. Mom? Dog, she, uh. In 11. You think that's a wig or what? I do believe that's a wig. No, Nick. Nick, you know old ladies. You think it's a wig or what? I do believe that's a wig. No, Nick.

Nick, you know old ladies. You think it's a wig? I do know old lady. I was just visiting in Denver. My great aunt Donna was Alzheimer's and her whole life she wore a bouffant wig. We called it the beehive when I was growing up. And we saw her entire repertoire of wigs. No way.

That's a wig. Oh, yeah. My grandma was just like going through them nostalgic, like, oh, she wore this one to this. You should have put some on, dog, and took pictures. It was a Thanksgiving freaking headpiece right there. Yeah, man. Oh, wow.

And so this lady, now one thing I do, I want to say this. First of all, this lady's 80 years old, eight zero years. Looks good for 80, man. Wow. And she's running 12 bingo cards, so still with it. Trying to make that bank, dog. Yeah, and I bet she's doing it without Adderall.

I want to say that. You think? Because I was going to say, I'm smelling a little bit of Adderall on Granny here. Yeah, Granny's snorting that Adderall. No one plays bingo that long in that many cards without doing some Adderall. But she has blue around.

Maybe she's been beaten by her ex-husband. What happened to her eyes? Is that eye shadow? No one plays bingo that long in that many cards without doing some Adderall. But she has blue around. Maybe she's been beaten by her ex-husband. What happened to her eyes? Is that eye shadow? That's her signature look, he said. It does look like she got slapped around a little bit. Maybe her husband, you know, older gentleman back in the 50s. Yeah.

If you're not listening, you get slapped in the face. Back in those early UFC days. Yeah. Like the Goodfellow wives. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love her, man. Berta is her name?

Bert. Just called her Bert, which is interesting. I think you get so old as a woman, sometimes you just take on a man's name. Thank God she doesn't have her shirt off. Ooh. Bert. Yeah, I would like to see her. Low blow, Nick. She's 80.

Yeah. Well, she's beautiful, man. I appreciate you sending her in, and I definitely think, yeah, let's set her up with Stevie Weeby. That's what. Yeah. Well, she's beautiful, man. I appreciate you sending her in. And I definitely think, yeah, let's set her up with Stevie Weeby. That's what I was going to say. We found a date for Stevie Weeby, man. Like, we finally found one for her. Let's set this up, dude.

Dude, you send me pictures. I'm like, dude, I don't want to see this shit, man. You send me that big black ass with the oil in it. I'm like, bro, you need a friend, dog. Dude, you fucking... What? You look unbelievable today. I do?

Look at you, Ben. Look at you, dog. You look like an 11-year-old French boy on HGH. On HGH. HGH. It's HGH. That's Italian. Okay, dude.

The other French. The one that starts with an F. Here's a guy right here. Under a bridge. What's up, Theo? What's up, big boy? And the rest of the Cats fan. Big boy and the rest of the Cats fan.

It's Jacob Tappanin from Santa Cruz, California. And I got a King It or Sting It for you. All natural hot springs. You soaking in that warm earth hitter? Let me know what you think. King It or Sting It? Me personally, I'm taking a dip in these cold west coast waters, baby. We built different.

Gang, gang. Buzz, buzz. Gang, baby. Shout out San Jose, man. Shout out gang. Buzz, buzz. Looking fat seals, man. Gang, baby. Shout out San Jose, man. Shout out a lot of missing people up in that area. Hot spring. Hot springs are like, it's cool at first, but in the middle of summer, that bitch is still hot, man.

It's like everybody pissing in the pool, you feel me? Yeah. I'll pee in that hot spring. Nobody knows what's going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Warm's warm. Yeah, I think it's okay to pee in a hot springs i think it's okay to pee anywhere but i think that what does this guy want to ask us

do we like natural hot springs bro you got to respect it because that's mother nature's outlet you know what i'm saying that's basically you don't need a pool guy uh-uh that's that menstrual cycle of freaking mama not your bro and you got to respect it you know she's busting out she's been either working out of the gym or something she's got to sweat she's got to let it out mother nature's warm snot yeah you got to enjoy that yeah i love it man so i think it's just too warm though well that's for a long time i think you can handle it brendan yeah you're probably right should we see what some people on hollywood boulevard thought about hot springs yeah let's go one more time to this freaking thing that didn't work last week natural hot springs

king it yeah why not right why why nature nature yeah you have to say nature right natural hot springs hold on here you pause it go back I'll go back to that one. What? Go back now and just show it. Just show it. Look how heavy the microphone is to him when he holds it out. Natural hot springs.

And now he's bothering these ladies. This shit is unbelievable. Why is it the same guy from last week? Why is he fucking reading it off his phone? It's one word. It's great. Nature. Natural hot springs. Hello?

Awesome. Why? Because of nature. No, you always see titties. It's like a guarantee. You know what? Thank you for your goddamn honesty. She said it.

You're the first one to say that. Blasphemy. Shut this down, man. Say it one more time. He said, thank you for your goddamn honesty. I know. And then he goes and culturally culturally appropriates that sex toy he got a black sex toy yeah and he keeps sending it to me i'm like stevie send it somebody else man did he send you it my girl saw

this man she's like what the hell is that i said that's my friend nick what is it i don't want to i don't want to get him in trouble man really. Really? Well, I mean, you guys decide. I just, you know, I love Stevie, and I know he's been on such a journey being Bobby's brother and whatever happened to them, but I just didn't know what was going on last time he was in here. He's just so sex-depraved, you know? Well, it sounds like he has a real fetish,

and he, well, here it is it's disgusting um he has a real fetish and he's also addicted to to sexual shit you know yeah he has a real problem i feel like we're kind of helping him out though i don't feel like we're getting him on the right track i don't feel that then he sent me that picture went oh you got off the track what i tell you nick dude i was me and my girl watching our fucking tv show and i see my phone go off i put that pops up oh and look here's the saddest thing is is he has a sandal on under it that hold on he still has the tags on him he's gonna return them so here's what i want to know is that a tag or is that a condom that's a tag bro that's a tag and the sad thing and this is the kind of stuff that I don't like about the present economy,

is the type of people that buy sandals, masturbate in them, and then return them. You think that's what Tevia wanted out of this, man? You think that's what Vans or Adidas wanted out of this? You getting that fake black ass and nutting it? And this is cultural appropriation, isn't it? It's a nice ass, though. What? I'm just saying, I mean, I'm trying to shoot some positive notes here, man.

You're not doing anything, man. Take it down, Nick. Jesus Christ. Yeah, it's a lot. Dude, why don't you do a mold of your ass and start selling it on fucking Theo Bonner? No way. No, New Merchants. That thing would make bank, bro.

Would it? Yeah. You think so? Yeah. I'm just spitting on ideas here, man. I know you bank, bro. Would it? Yeah. You think so? Yeah. I'm just spitting on ideas here, man. I know you are, man. It's like that Shark Tank segment we got. You think we could?

I don't know who's going to buy it. I think people will buy more. Oh, you'd be surprised. Maybe one of your leg lamps, like if they did a Brennan Shaw leg lamp. Oh, that'd be cool. I could see people doing that. Look, I have different habits, you know, and I want to feel good. So those are a couple things.

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This guy's got a King in her stinger for us. What's up, fellas? This is Ty coming at you from Sonoma County, California, that wine country. Got a king in her stinger for you. Taxidermy. Talking about those flying shitter hitters and throwing them on the wall. Bang, bang, stuff, stuff. Now that's the real dark arts. I don't trust people to have dead animals on the wall. Yeah. Bang, bang. Stuff, stuff. Now, that's the real dark arts.

I don't trust people to have dead animals on their wall. That's rule number one of living club. You feel me? Like, if I go into a house and they got dead animals all over the wall, you got problems. Really? Yeah, man. Have you been to Joe Rogan's house? I can imagine he has dead animals, dead comedians.

He probably has Tony Hinchcliffe up there now on his wall. Look, I'll say this. I wish they would cross up geese and drones. Why don't they make the geese put it back in the air, and it can do a button where it can poop? Yeah, put some helmets on those bitches so people don't know it's drones. We fly over into Russia or North Korea, China.

What's up, dude? These are some stone-cold American geese dropping bombs, daddy. Now, let's go to Chin on this. Chin, how long is a goose going to last in China? Just kind of milling around. How long is a goose going to last in China? Yeah, that's a good point. Before it's rotisserie.

If it looks like an actual goose, probably a day. By the way, I did taxidermy once. I tried. Really? Yeah. If it looks like an actual goose, probably a day. By the way, I did taxidermy once. I tried. Really? Yeah. You tried doing it for a job? No.

I caught a largemouth bass when I was a kid, and the fishing magazines would have taxidermy kits in the back of it, so I ordered it, froze the bass, and I tried to do it myself, and it was a disaster. Yeah, take it easy, Jeffrey Dahmer. Now, why was it a disaster? Brendan, don't be so mean to him. Yeah, you're right. Why was it a disaster, you think? The fish started thawing out and just like breaking apart in pieces would you freeze it in formaldehyde no just a regular freeze did they tell you what to do

before yeah i read all the instructions and it was just a disaster but do you think that there just wasn't enough instruction do you think that you weren't prepared that day it was killed as a fish probably a little harder to you know fish for sure because it's not going to stay together well and i wasted the entire fish i could have eaten it bro now think if now look now first of all that goes right back to my first question how long would a bird now chin now think about if you had to do that whole process like a big ass grizzly bear 800 pound bear not doing it but a bird i think would be pretty easy a bird would be easy yeah but think Think about like

A fucking tiger Or you know People have those Beers on the wall You gotta take out All the organs Drink some blood Yeah

Nightmare Yeah Team effort I just called Cam Haynes What's up daddy Take care of this thing At least you know It's on your wall

Oh yeah Yeah You thought about Trying it again No after that first I was just devastated God I wish you would Do it again And film it for us, Jed.

Put on your fucking vlogs. It was stinking. It was terrible. Dude, try it with a squirrel. Yeah. Did y'all talk about Hinchcliffe on you guys' show on TFATKZ? Mm-mm. Yeah.

Did you? No, we didn't talk about it yesterday. We didn't know about it yesterday, I don't think. I don't know when it happened. Where were you at on it? I mean, I just... There shouldn't be cell phones recording anybody's first of all i just don't know what that's a safe place and then the problem too is i talked to

comics who tore with derrick i'm sorry i talked with comics who tore with tony and some other guys who were there and they're like dude he's been he's been doing that that set like that's that's part of his set for weeks man it crushes yeah and then someone decides to cut it so if you just see that yeah man looks terrible he's like but if you see the whole thing it's really good yeah if you don't like i'll admit like when you first see like jesus christ tony but also you're supposed to be in a safe zone comedy zone i know a lot of guys they start recording sets like that and blasting out people can get in trouble man that's not what the art's for i'm sure if you took some of my lines and just put

them out there random like that like yeah if it was real blunt you don't know the context and you just put oh theo said this but you're not in a comedy venue or anything like that like that's not that's not the right thing to do yeah and also that comic who did it to him you know he's opened up for him a number of times also posted how thankful he was for Tony. It's like, depending on how he feels, and again, this is me going based off Tony has done this previously, so you knew he was going to do this, and then now you do it and put hashtag Asian Pride Week or whatever. It seemed clout-chasing.

I tweeted yesterday, snitch clout comedy is a new thing apparently, and I don't know if I really, I just felt like it just felt like look man we've all people say things it's wrong sometimes or it's right to you or whatever i think you take it up with that person tony's also remember this tony's a professional roaster he's a roaster like he said some horrible shit to me like it's just it's what if you ever seen kill tony like he lights people up dude oh if you've ever seen the first 60 episodes of this

show i've said some horrible shit to you. But it's like... I'm not gonna record him. Like, look at Theo bullying me. Yeah, you are. Nick is anyway. Nick might get you.

Everybody else is recording. Nick might get you after. But no, you know, I just felt like... I just don't like the way... I wish it had been... I just don't like the route we're going.

I wish it had a different... I wish there was some different punchlines in it for sure that would at least kind of seem like it made it more entertaining but then i think that's but that's a i don't mean to interrupt you but that's the point i think if it would have been more funny that you know he'd get more backing online but when you just see that clip even i

like i saw last year and june was terrible yeah like what's your stance on it chin as an asian american i just thought it wasn't funny so if it was funny it'd probably be different right i agree and i'm not i'm not i'm not gonna say that tony's the funniest guy in the world to me right but i will say that his thing is saying abusive and messed up shit it's being mean a lot of times it's in some of the same vein as ari shafir in some of that world you know actually it's they're different. But but no, you're on the right path. Like it's that it's that it's that type of comedy.

Like Tony is a savage and like he go, you know, he goes below the belt. That's just what he does. Right. And sometimes when you're saying me like messed up shit, it's not it's there's no plan for it. It's also not for everybody. Like that wasn't supposed to be blasted to the masses like that's his tight-knit group yeah so i just felt like yeah it just felt like kind of clout chasey a little bit to me at the end you know it's no different those girls on

raya posting with the celebrities like they're not doing that because they're upset that fucking ben affleck dm'd them they're they're just trying to get clout well that's what this comic i don't know well i don't know maybe tony had been rude also to the guy i wonder if there was something Ben Affleck DM'd him. They're just trying to get clout. That's what this comic's trying to do. Maybe Tony had been rude also to the guy. I wonder if there was something else that happened that made him feel... Yeah, to do this. Maybe he was doing it and maybe he said something. Again, I have no fucking clue, so I'm talking my ass here.

Maybe he was like, hey man, I don't like that. That hurts my feelings. Please don't do that again. Tony was like, what? Went on stage, did it again. He was like, alright dude, I told you yeah so maybe there's that but even that just as a comic like there's code man you don't snitch on each other and now Tony's lost his representation he can't perform there anymore where he does kill Tony the venue won't let him allow them anymore so wow there's repercussions this these days yeah I haven't heard the opener talk. Was it a good impression? I don't know.

I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. That's a good question. Oh, I don't even know. Nick Ogle, he's one of our favorite submitters. He's got another King It or Sting It for us. What up, Brennan? What up, Theo?

Coach Corner. Nick, Chen. Got a King It or Sting It for you. I'm sitting here at the car hop here. He does pet control. Some of these girls don't have on their rollerblades. So I was going to see what you guys thought about it. King It or Sting It. Your car hops with some rollerblades.

Gang, gang. Buzz, buzz. Gang, buzz, baby. I'll tell you this. Sonic is a real... One thing I'm noticing even being more in the Central East a lot of times these days, Sonic is a staple, Brendan. It's the Suez Canal of feeding.

It's really, people like to go there and get fed. They like to see the food brought on out to them on wheels. You'll see somebody videoing. They'll get their kid out there and have them video, the guy wheel up to them and video, you know, get them a smoothie or whatever. And those girls are talented, too, because they gotta balance the smoothies. They're on skates. Yeah, they're on skates. They're skilled.

The craziest part is, there was one girl who was pregnant and on skates, and I'm like, I wouldn't risk your child's mental health. Did you roller skate growing up? Oh, yeah. Oh, there's a place called Skate City. Oh, all the girls there you make sure you wouldn't fall grab the wall like you going around like i'm posted up girl

yeah i'm cool i'm just gonna stay here you go around one more time it was the white nfl dude roller skate hell yeah it was clean bro then black people got involved and took that bitch over dancing to fucking doing all cool flips and shit i was like i'm just gonna post up yeah the best we can do is go under somebody's legs every now and then I'd spread my I'd go backwards it went backwards I felt like fucking you did that that otter yeah oh wow David Blaine going backwards yeah that's nice yeah Jim we didn't get your thoughts off feel better cut you off on the Asian comedian thing yeah I wasn't it just didn't feel funny yeah I told Brandon told Brandon too. I was like, it just wasn't funny. If it was funny, it'd be different.

It was like easy jokes. Like soy sauce. Like, what the hell? Yeah. What do you think should happen to him, Chin? Yeah, I wish it just had been more funny. What'd you say? Everyone deserves a chance.

He fucked up. You're saying a second chance? Yeah. What do you think about the guy filming him and putting it out to you? That's what I told Brandon too. I was like, that's the thing I thought was the worst. That guy filming. Like, leave that in there. And plus's the thing I thought was the worst. That guy filming.

Like, leave that in there. And plus, Tony might be working out the joke. We don't know. Right. Like I said, I talked to other comedians down there in Austin. Like, dude, he's been doing it before. And he crushed him with it. He's like trying to figure it out.

But also, there's all types of entertainment. So it's like some entertainment is crass, messed up stuff. Pornography compared to ballet, they're both uses of the body to do things. And one of them is extremely vulgar and messed up. And one of them is more artistic to some, but other people see it different. But here's the thing.

If I'm into that type of whatever ballet, I'll watch it. If I don't like that porn, I don't have to watch it. You don't have to buy tickets to watch Tony Hinchcliffe. You can do whatever the fuck you want. Maybe it's not for you. But to lose gigs over it? Because he has a fan base. Some people dig it.

Yeah. Debate club, porn or ballet? Ooh. I'm going to go ballet these days, man. I can't take any more porn. Ballet is so boring. This is the easiest King of Sing It we've ever had. Porn, man.

Really? Oh, yeah, man. I like ballet, dude. I don't have a problem with it, though. Some Shyshovsky. Black Swan, best of both worlds. Yeah, Black Swan. Have you seen Black Fish, dude?

With how they treated Black Fish? I know, man. Unbelievable, man. It's basically the Amistad underwater. This lady makes bad decisions. Let's hear what she has to say. Hey, guys. Lindsay from CT here.

Heard you're giving some relationship advice, so I'd love to hear your thoughts. Back in March, I started a job, and like an idiot, started fucking somebody at work. I do have to preface that I'm the head of HR. So you know it's pretty bad. You got to hear that part. Okay, sorry.

No, it's all good. I do have to preface that I'm the head of HR. So you know it's pretty bad where after the first night you have to sift through the employee book when he leaves your house. Fuck my life. Anyways, no one at work knows. And ever since then we've started to build a relationship. And I know that at the end of the day it's probably probably a bad move, but your heart wants what your heart wants. So we're trying to figure out whether or not we tell people, do we keep it a secret, do we stop, which we obviously don't want to do.

So ping and a sting at work relationships. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. So what's our advice? Saying that she found love, but she's probably going to lose her job? I know, she's going to lose her job. Yeah, there's no love here, man. It's just good dick, girl. Yeah, you're probably going to lose your job because we're all going to see this now.

So it's out of the bag. I don't know. Brendan looks like the CEO at fucking Ratatouille's restaurant today. I want to say that, dude. Okay, dude. You look like a bouncer at a fucking old lesbian French orphanage. Dude, are you...

Hey, these bitches are mine. Dude, are you... Are you relapsing again? It's all right. It happens, man. There's something in the air in here. You know? It's that black swan got in my throat.

Yeah, so... So what's this lady's problem? Her husband left. She should she keep it going with the guy that she's fucking work as the head of HR. She's obviously going to. I mean, look. Yeah. This one's a slam dunk.

You're not going to take advice from us and stop sucking this guy off at the fucking water cooler. Look, lady, the water cooler is for drinking water. And that's it, young lady. Yeah, you're having a little too much cooler over there. I think, look, I think obviously if you are a woman, people are going to want

to have sex with you whether they know you or not. And I think that this lady, you know, if she... I think times have just changed. You know, this is the kind of stuff that happened to women 50 years ago when they were the head of hr would bang them out and then lose his job and then drive off to a different city and that's who this little social media that's who this little motorcycle mom is you know oh it's jake paul It's Jake Paul. What up, Brandon?

What up, Theo? Love the podcast. Love you guys. I want to ask you some relationship advice. Pets in the bedroom. What do you guys think about that? I got two bubba's. Come here, bubba's.

What's he got there? They love to lay in bed at night. But it kind of gets in the way of that boom boom room, Bubbas. What's he got there? They love to lay in bed at night. But it kind of gets in the way of that boom, boom room, gang, gang. So let me know what you guys think. Pets in the bed or you kicking them out? Can't get away from these guys. Man, it's tough, especially when you got a big dog. My brother has a big dog.

His name's Ruffian. He's about 160 pounds. That thing sleeps between them. That's a full grown man sleeping between you do you hate each other what's going on there man if that dog's in the bed yeah of course you can't i mean you can't have your wiener schnitzel watching while you bang out your girl you know i'm saying you know i think there's something almost you've been smoking cigarettes you've been smoking cigarettes no i drove here my my hairdryer broke so i drove here

with my head out of the window oh that makes sense and uh a lot of the air hit my throat man um i think there's something about i dated a girl one time who would put these you know those blind there's light blocking things on that people wear so the sun doesn't see their eyes when they're trying to rest oh yeah that's the sleep mask she would put those on her dogs if we were going to be intimate. Oh, wow. So you knew it was going down if she said, all right, let me get the blue blockers out. Yeah, yeah.

Put these blue blockers on these pups here. But this is unbelievably Jake Paul. It's so close. Spot on. Yeah, this guy should definitely. This guy should start calling out Dylan Danis right now. Yeah, this guy should definitely, this guy could. This guy should start calling out Dylan Danis right now. Yeah, this guy should definitely start getting on Cameo. Fake Jake Paul, I think that'd be great, dude.

That'd be great. Dude, we should have him call in next week, cut a promo. Cut a Cameo? That's smart. Dude, I would love to do that, man. We'll buy your hounds some nice treats, man, if you'll do that for us.

But yeah, I think if, also, I remember one time, buy your hounds some nice treats man if you'll do that for us um but yeah i think if also i remember one time oh after kobe bryant had had the sex accusations against him oh a long time ago there was a girl whose house i stayed at in philadelphia not philadelphia somewhere somewhere kind of scary but awesome is it related to kobe bryant yeah he used to live in philly she had a great dane in her bed it was a full bed right them nuts on him oh bro he you could one of his nuts i think i kind of rolled over in the middle of the night yeah but i rolled over you mean you touched it touched me man it rolled down the bed on me keep touching me bro yeah stop touching me but the that dog slept in between us dude and he had just had

those sex accusations and i was like this lady's a wild cat wild man i don't know what kobe brian has to do with that great dane and his nuts but those great dane nuts are unreal yeah they get them brian callan nuts on them let's see a pic is that them that's not a great day actually i don't think that's a is it oh yeah that is that's great she's nuts oh yeah. Is that them? That's not a Great Dan actually, I don't think. Is it? Oh. Yeah, that is. That's Great Dan. She's nuts. Oh, yeah. And one of them looks like it's a girl. Bigger than both of mine. It looks like a brain with CTE.

Dude, yeah, those look like something a kid would pick up during an Easter egg hunt. And look for $100 in it. Look at that dog right there. What is this dog doing? They're shiny too, man. No, down at that dog right there. What is this dog doing? Shiny, too, man. No, down, left, right there. Oh, this dog is a freak, huh?

A freak-a-leek, man. That looks like a Stevie Weeby toy. Yeah. Don't let Stevie get a hold of a dog. But I think people should know that Stevie's like 50, so age appropriate. Oh, come on. I'm just saying. I don't think people know that.

Is he 50? He's pretty old. I don't know exactly how old he is. No, he's not 50. He's the younger brother of Bobby. Bobby's how old? 55. You can't ever tell with age.

Yeah. It's like just one day they wake up and they look old as shit. Yeah. Before that, they looked 21. Bobby's 49, it says online. So Stevie Weeby has to be at least 45, 46? Yeah. Wow.

I mean, Chin looks like the youngest in here. Yeah. Nick looks like Billy Bob Thornton. That's not a big deal. Yeah, that's true, huh? Yeah, it's spot on. I'll take that. Bad Santa over there.

Billy Throb Snorting. Sorry, Nick, I missed you. It's okay. I don't take that. Bad Santa over there. Billy Throb snorting. Sorry, Nick. I missed you. It's okay. I don't do that. Chin, now can you tell how old other Asians are when you guys get around each other? Is there kind of a thing where you can kind of smell the time on each other? No, because I thought Stevie was younger than me.

Wow. Stevie looks young. I thought Stevie, especially the way he's talking about playing video games all the time, losing his girlfriend. I thought he was like 31. Yeah. He looks like he's in his 30s. And he's small, too. Yeah. And he's small too yeah he dresses delicate he's very delicate but i think also damaged and i think what happened was i mean we got the complaint about the crying japanese woman outside that's not something you but they didn't say hey hottie outside you know having a tough time that

wasn't the on the comment sheet. It was crying Japanese woman. She said she was crying because she couldn't get in. Yeah, and a woman is like 40 plus. You know, it's LA, so they'll label anything a child here. You know what I'm saying? So they can still have sex with it. This will transition us into debate club. Speaking of transition, who's this dime on?

Looks like Nativeo american yeah yeah dude hey theo hey brennan nick chin shout out to the culture corner holly here from knoxville you guys should come out here and do some shows i'm trying to see you live i am but um anyways i have a debate club for you so um sharing a bedroom with your significant other or having your own separate bedroom. So, when me and my boyfriend first moved in together, he wanted separate bedrooms. I didn't. I thought it was nuts. Didn't make sense to me.

Caught so many fights. But here we are three years later and I absolutely love it. Wouldn't go back any other way. Nothing of mine goes in his bedroom. Nothing of his goes in mine. Completely separate bedroom. Sleep together every night. But we each get our own space.

Get to do what we want with it. Get to keep it as messy as we want. So I absolutely love it. And I was just curious what you guys think. Gang gang. Buzz buzz. He's going in that room and farting. I'll tell you that right now.

You think, Bubba? Yeah, he's letting it rip, dog. Oh, really? His own room. Getting away from his girl. probably holding it in all fucking during fucking Narcos or some shit, eight series deep, holding that fart in, gets in his own room. That blaster.

Dog. Being a real man like that. Yeah, I think. Yeah, real men fart. The other thing is, is though. Dude, a lot of young guys aren't even farting anymore. I read the other day. They're worried they're going to get canceled.

Yeah. Yeah. Can't even fart. Because they're worried that some of the farts will sound like a racial slur. You know? You're right, dog. The thing is, dude, if you got a separate room from Stephanie and other, you're not going to make it. Yeah.

You can't even sleep with the person you love. That's not good. Your roommates. Yeah. Get a roommate. You know, I love it. I love it. I love this girl where she's from holland from knoxville how far is knoxville from you uh from nashville it's about three hours i think no it might only be an hour and a half not close might be an hour closer might be closer never been in knoxville could

be 20 minutes wait i don't know i do not know uh but i will tell you this man jim seems like the type of dude that sleeps in a separate room from his girl yes i have to sleep with her what yeah i feel comfortable wow but you guys she has to sleep around you guys don't even live together right no we don't it doesn't count i mean we stayed together for like weeks before yeah yeah but she can always dip back to her own crib yeah she's When you're locked In that room together And there's only one bed Different story dog No we like being together

Well you guys Should live together then Oh you know Brennan looks like One of those Venice Canal guys Oh on the boat Yeah

Can't do that anymore What No way Crime rate's too high In Venice now doggy Is it Yeah Wow It's up like 120% Well I think yeah No way. Crime rate's too high in Venice now, doggy. Is it? Yeah. Wow.

It's up like 120%. Well, I think you had that last clip, man. Yeah, there you go. I might just be at the Bellagio. I've seen that shit in the Bellagio. That's a weird game. What is that person called? Do you know, Nick?

A gondolier. Nice. Yeah, a gondolier or a gay. Or a gay man. A lot of these men, it's just people that couldn't, it's fellas that couldn't get a job at Disney World, I think. Let's be honest. Former mimes.

Yeah. Yep. A lot of recovering mimes. His dream was to be Mickey Mouse. I used to fucking do that all day. The real bum was the ones you see at like the Venetian and shit. Oh, yeah. You know they want to be in the real Italy, man.

I know. Put you in Vegas. Oh. But then they don't have to travel that far either that's probably kind of nice to be able to sleep in their own bed at night what was that last one yeah what was the last one we're talking about now what about this if you hear though if you hear chink like like what's the name was saying it does that sound like a is it just like the n-word is that the same thing or no i mean so chink is for Chinese, right? Right. So it doesn't really affect me that much, to be honest.

I think the N-word's like the end-all, be-all. It's worse. And I'm going to get a lot of hate for that, I'm sure. No, I don't know if you... I mean, I'm just asking. I have no idea. Asians. Asians get upset at that.

Dude, we have no... I want to go out on a limb and say we have absolutely two or four Chinese fans, you know? And I don't mean that in a bad way. They don't broadcast it. Yeah, we don't... First of all, you're not allowed to even broadcast this in China. They don't have Wi-Fi. Yeah.

They have it. I don't think they allow them to have it. They control everything. Well, they have WhatsApp. I mean, everything there is like over... They have TikTok. It's a lot different. And their SPs are faster than anywhere in the world

yeah oh no they have you gotta use VPN there but like it's hella illegal so you weren't that offended Chin no I thought I was just

I was like super lame chink and soy sauce it was lame yeah it was tough it was tough to see yeah it wasn't funny that's the number one problem I think

yeah if it was funny you'd been alright but some people are insult comics they had that dog on TV for 20 years. His name was the insult comic, and he was afraid to say it. So was he even that good at his job? Cancer Robert Schmeagle.

Yeah. Was that who the owner was? Yeah, that was who the owner was. No, Robert Schmeagle's a beast, man. Is he? Super beast. I don't know. He never said the C word.

Now, there's no term for a white guy that would... Like, is there any term that they could call you? Honk, redneck. If somebody called me that, that stuff makes me mad. Really? Redneck makes me mad. Man, if someone called me a honk, I'd laugh my ass off. Honk, I don't care.

Redneck gets me sometimes. Yeah. It depends, but sometimes it gets me. Just from the South, maybe? Well, I think it's... Also, it just depends on if somebody says it in a mean way. So, if I came to the studio today and was like, what's up, redneck? I'm like, come on, doggy.

If you called me rednecker, yes. Oh, if I threw the ER on it? You said rednecker? What's up, rednecker? I probably wouldn't mind that much. That sounds pretty cool. So redneck and offended. Nick, anything?

I guess, like you said, it's all about intent. If someone's like, orphan. Sorry, I should have said that, man. And it doesn't really affect me. I don't like having these glasses on. It makes me feel like I'm not in here. White trash, I guess, if you said that with a lot of vitriol, because I'm from Wisconsin, like hickey type shit.

What about cracker? Cracker bother you? No, no. Christian, is there any word I can call you that would offend you? What? Is there any word I can reference to you that would offend you? Probably adult. No, none that would offend me, but there are a couple for Italian-Americans.

Like, uh, wop, uh, uh. What, wet-ass pussy? Guinea. Why would somebody call you that? Why would somebody think you have wet-ass pussy? We, uh, yeah, that's, uh, that's what they call wops, guineas, guidos. And none of them really offend me because I'm not a baby. Like, whatever happened to the saying,

sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Social media. Huh? Social media took that. Yeah, social media is rude. Because if one person says, like, whatever, but on social media we have 9,000 people saying

it hurts your feelings. Let's see what this guy has to say. Are you asleep? I'm good. I haven't had caffeine for 20 days right now. Why? Why do you do this to yourself? Because I don't want,

I just may, I feel like it like exacerbates pain in my neck when I have it. Weird, like inflammation? Yeah, so I'm trying to go like maybe 22 or 24 days yeah i think i do feel better i can't barely stay awake but i feel decent did the first days you have like vicious withdrawals i don't know if i did man i'm always having withdrawals i feel like from this everything that makes sense so people are always like are you quitting smoking i'm like i fucking quit 14

months ago i tried I tried getting off coffee and I lasted eight hours. I was on a fetal position shaking on the ground. Really? Yeah, I drink too much coffee. Oh, wow. I'll never stop. But that's also your mating call, dude. Fetal position shaking on the ground. I'm sweating too.

See what this guy has to say. Here's a man right here. Hey, Steven from Minnesota, man. I got a debate club for y'all. Forgot his question. It's okay. When you guys are chefing up on the stove, use the Teflon Don or that goddamn cast iron heater.

Oh. That's what I use. Because you can pick that thing up. I made that. Use it as a self-defense weapon. That was what I use. Because you can pick that thing up. A ribeye? I made that. Use it as a self-defense weapon. That was yours? Flip you some flapjacks in the morning for the kids. And then cook up anything on the stove you need, man.

Amen. I want to know what y'all think about that, man. Looking to see Theo in Minneapolis, man. That'd be great. So gang, gang, buzz, buzz, man. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz, buzz baby we'll see you there and that's from kow steaks right there that beautiful meat they sent me a little ribeye doggy grilling me up a little steak meat right here son yeah look at that i think that's a front strap or

something i don't know what that is baby damn loin huh oh yeah look at the nut in there see it yeah that marble sauce there that's nut yeah. Yeah, that looks nice, man. Oh, and then people sent me these things they were so mean about. Yeah, everybody was talking shit about his pan. What?

What's wrong with the pan? It's Teflon. They wanted me to get one of those big cast irons. It sounds like you've donated enough to the Good Fight Foundation. The pan is trash.

Might as well fry that bitch on the street. People are not doing well, man. People are... Get that grandma-ass pan out of here. Grandma's ass pan? Yeah. Yeah, cast iron, man. Pan hate is real.

Yeah, people went at me, man, but I enjoyed that meat. Man, I only grill shit, man, like a real man. You do? Yeah, pan steaks for bitches. Is it? Is that what I made? That's a bitch steak. Damn, I didn't even know that. Well, you never told me anything.

I didn't see it, man. Dang. Well, that's what I've been eating. What have you guys been eating over there, Chen? I ate meat all day. And there you go right there. are you guys fasting because of what happened to that comedian no not fast i would do that actually you would fast if a comedian went after no i would fast in honor of that kid for a day if that if he if that was a white guy or

should i say a redneck no yeah maybe i wouldn't i wouldn't fast you would fast if he didn't repost it right it was since he reposted you don't want to fast from anymore right i'm just trying to put myself in a position where if that happened to me the other problem is that club the vulcan gas company i've played there it's not a standard comedy club it's a nightclub nightclub uh like music venue so there's no signs that say no filming no no recording so that's it's kind of the wild west there you know it's a great venue but it's not like if you if he if they did the improv he probably would have got shut down but you know what actually there was a girl that's why kevin hart takes everybody's phones

so so joe rogan for a long time there was a girl comedian one time who was saying, like, fuck all these white people on stage, right? And it was a white girl? It was a black girl. And that shit made me really, really mad, you know? So I do remember being upset about that. It's bad timing for Tony, too, right? Because all the Asian hate stuff, like, couldn't get worse. Right.

But again, it's not meant to be broadcasted to the masses right i don't wish that i would have recorded that girl set i wish that in the club you said something at that moment i would have said something you're too big a pussy uh no i just felt like you got in your car and thought about it it wasn't worth like the it just wasn't worth arguing with her she wasn't even funny yeah so it just wasn't even worth have you ever seen her again i've seen her again everywhere she goes she ruins everything i bet i could guess who this is i'm not going to yeah she's like mixed yep i know exactly who you're talking about um she's hot though well yeah modok that's right this program is brought to you by the hulu original series modok i can't wait to watch this one have you guys heard about modok modok is this insane

and hilarious new hulu original from marvel pat noswalt stars as the voice of the super villain modok the mental organism designed only for killing mod okay that's a mouthful modok has long pursued his dream of one day taking over the world, but after years of setbacks, which we can all relate to, and failures, which I can relate to, fighting in the Earth's mightiest heroes, MODOK has run his evil organization, AIM, into the ground. While also dealing with his crumbling marriage and family life,

MODOK is about to confront his greatest challenge yet. marriage, and family life, Modoc is about to confront his greatest challenge yet. Marvel's Modoc, all episodes now streaming only on Hulu. Today's episode is brought to you by Unleashed with The Dingo and Danny, a new podcast fueled by monster energy. Unleashed gets up close and personal with the best in alternative action and motor sports.

Get ready for untold stories, career-defining moments, and inside secrets from the world's best athletes and trailblazers. You want that? Don't miss out on the action. New episodes drop every two weeks on Mondays. Listen wherever you get your podcasts or watch on Monster Energy's YouTube, Unleashed with Danny and the Dingo Fueled by Monster Energy. I got tickets going on sale right now, and they're at theovon.com slash tour,

and that's St. Louis, Cincinnati, Charlotte, Durham, Chattanooga, Knoxville, Wilmington, Wilkes-Barre, and some other places. Charleston, Richmond, Albany, Buffalo, Columbus, and Minneapolis. But I'm excited, man. So go check it out, theovon.com slash tour. And thank you guys, as always, for your support. Let's see what this guy has to say. It's a pretty intense topic. You can't hear. Once you hear once you hear hot dude once you have to hear hot it can get a little aggravating yeah yo king of this thing it's your boy zachariah from ashville north carolina

originally from covington louisiana like your boy phil vonison he's out of covington primates escape during my fucking tenure down there. Let's go. I was up here when I was about 12. But y'all should come visit Asheville, North Carolina sometime. It's pretty cool. Anyways, the big club. We just met, buddy. Creationism.

I feel like I'm on a time shift. Or evolution. That Joe Rogan fucking primate split. What y'all think? Let me know. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. Where you laying in on this, Beezy? Give it to him. on this beezy give it to what's he asking threading your eyebrows what creationism versus evolution so basically religion versus evolution do go with evolution

and evolution is that on this planet came from prim I think some of us, we could have evolved from primates. And so I think we, I think we evolved from monkeys that God created. Yep. Agree. So they both. Yeah. So I think kind of both really, but I don't know, man, there's sometimes I feel like a monkey and there's a lot of times where I don't, you know, and also, you know, I've

done comedy about this before that there's not that middle. Where's the middle monkeys at? You know, where's that middle ground between us and monkeys? You don't meet a guy. Yeah, you will. You start doing the road more. You're going to see some of those people out there. Yeah, you might be right.

I've been called the Geico caveman more times than I can count. Really? Maybe I'm the middle. Yeah. Oh, I think I said that. And I've stopped saying it. I'm sure you get it everywhere. It's fine. Yeah. I think, you know, I've stopped saying it I'm sure you get it everywhere It's fine

I think It's funny man I was thinking about this yesterday While I was driving I like to think that we There's some greater plan For us Or that we have some connection to some Divinity or some divine source Something bigger

Because here's the thing You don't see number They kind of jump from number 3 to number 5 Something bigger. Something bigger. Yeah. Yeah, it's not all about us. Because here's the thing. You don't see number. They kind of jump from like number three to number five. You know what I'm saying? You're missing a couple of players on the team there. I don't think so. That's a pretty fucking solid starting seven.

This is me right here. That's a solid starting seven. And from five to six makes sense. Six to seven makes sense. But, dog, you're telling me from three to five. It is weird. It is weird. Look, you've never met number four. Look at number four.

No, number four is straight chimpanzee. Number four is chimpanzee, dog. But, no, it's not, though. Look at his legs. You've never seen a chimpanzee just wandering around looking for his wallet. You know what I'm saying? That's not the same thing, bro. Yeah, four to five's tough.

Number four could almost go into AT&T and buy something, dude. For sure. I finally did, or my sister did 23andMe, and I got back. I'm 1.2% Congolese. Ooh. Congolese, baby. I'm going to start saying the N-word. Well, take it easy, Mike Perry.

Yeah, don't say it in here, man. Please don't do it in here. Don't say it in here. Please do it on your other seven podcast network. This guy's got a relationship advice, too. Big boy. Chin, are you upset that we asked you about that, about the Peter Dang? No, why?

I just didn't know if you were. No, I asked Chin the other day about it. I wanted to feel him out here. Get a real Asian's perspective. Yeah, because I'm trying to figure out exactly where I really am. Chin's around comedy, so Chin was like, they shouldn't have filmed it, but it's a bad joke. But his first response was, they shouldn't have filmed it.

If you're not around comedy, I don't get it. You're saying something offensive. Why wouldn't they post this? There's rules to this game. You can't post that shit, man. Dude, I was on a... So when Jeff Scott over by the comedy store, and he was a famed fellow over there, and he hiv and everything and he died right the pianist and

so when he died uh they had a call a group call it was a mortuary call zoom call for people who wanted to be at his funeral service so there's like 90 people on this call right and every now and then stories would get kind of sentimental right when that would happen there's a comedian um and he would yell out things like he was a homosexual he had eggs right and i will you this. There were 94 people on this call. Some of his family and friends. Everybody on there laughed, right? Died laughing. But now put that in an article saying, oh, they're doing

this sentimental thing. This comedian kept yelling out he had AIDS. He was HIV positive. That dude gets canceled, man. Right. And he only did it at certain times and everybody knew. The timing was good. And also knew the time was good and knew that this, that they'd had a relationship. They'd worked together. Yeah.

They're boys. They were boys and they worked together for dozens of years. So there was a, so you got the full context, right? So, yeah, I just think there's a little bit of that of just always when you do something like that, you take stuff out of context. I did. Yeah. It just maybe wasn't that funny. I don't know what the context is.

I don't know if they'd been doing that all week together if that was the first time that it happened i know they've performed together before because someone sent me a text that showed his previous tweets from weeks prior you know like so thankful for tony hinchco bringing me to san antonio and other spots so yeah yeah i don't know i'm just kind of i'm just kind of thinking about it like but remember this happened louis ck not to this magnitude where they filmed it but he did when he came back from you know all his accusations jacking off in the corner and on plants and whatever he did and remember he came back he was doing sets and people from the the media would watch his show and then write it and then post it in,

in the articles. Like, Oh, he's talking about the shootings at Sandy hook and all this stuff. And then we read the context. You're like, Jesus Christ. Listen,

Lucy K is one of the best there is. Yeah. It's like out of context. It looks horrible. Yeah. Same with Tony Hinchcliffe. Like out of context. Yeah.

I mean, it's hard to defend them, but it's also a comedy show, man. There shouldn't be cameras. Yeah. And you, and it's just like, he's one of the comics where it's a, it's hard to defend them but it's also a comedy show man there shouldn't be cameras yeah and you and it's just like he's one of the comics where it's a that's his thing it's like yeah a lot of it's insulty like lowbrow kind of stuff a lot actually but then also he's one of the quickest witted joke writers for the roasts and stuff right for the rose he's wrote for years years for the

roast it's his thing yeah i don't I mean, it's just a rough situation. I just feel like, I guess I feel, I don't know. I just wish that it felt like it was shared for clout. That's what I didn't like with the hashtag. But then also, younger generation, people's feelings are different. Different. People got a lot more feelings, man. It's a different arena. But again, Tony Hinchcliffe's lane of humor is not for everybody.

So when these young people, if you're offended by that, don't buy a ticket to his show. It's that easy. Don't buy the ticket to the show. If you don't like comic book movies, don't buy a ticket to the fucking movie theater. And if you do, don't record it and then post it and talk shit about it.

It's not for you. But you're just looking for a reason to be upset. Yeah, I just wonder what that guy's... I wish I knew the kid better too, so I'd know if there was any motive like just what some of his motive was even if it was just like i feel like i need to speak up for my people you know he was raised in a real indigenous type but to your point again we don't know maybe did he say something to tony like do quit doing that man i've had friends and family here and they're offended please stop doing that

right and tony doubled down on that we don't know and some of this goes back to that black guy or whoever that punched the asian guy you know it's like some of that energy's still in the air oh dude the asian hate right now is you know it's all over the media so this is not that this adds to it yeah this just adds to it it's just now that's another thing if it wasn't asian hate month then i don't know if they would even have it you know it's a form of gaslighting that Asian hate, you know? Just, this is the problem, you know? They're just, I mean, but you said you haven't noticed that in your community, huh, Chin? No, but I do have, I have one friend that was like, you don't speak up about it or whatever.

And then he gave me this article about this girl that found urine in a cup on her car. And then it said like, F you, chink, F you, blah,ink f you blah blah and i'm like how real is this right so she empties the bottle sits in her car and takes pictures of it and puts it on instagram okay so everyone's like come on you're faking this shit so there's got to be some fake shit out there too right that could also be a guy trying to help her out right i could be a guy helping out maybe she's trying to pass the drug test he was clean who's gonna do that i was gonna put urinate in a cup and then write all this hateful stuff on a girl's car countless homeless people would that's basically the homeless national anthem no it's not though homeless aren't gonna

just leave a cup because they can get five cents for that they're just gonna piss on the car marker to write it come on no i found a homeless guy in my truck one time in louisiana he slept in there overnight because i left the doors unlocked. Sorry about that. Yeah. My bad, man. I left those Reesey PC wrappers. I want to say, man, look, I did a set last night and half the audience was

Indian, Asian, Mexican, man. And half of them were there to see me, it felt like. And I just want to say that I don't feel like we have any hatred towards anybody on this show. Never. Can we? Look at the people I roll i roll with yeah we roll with fucking rats and bees man yeah i'm the only white guy in my crew you are yeah christian well christian's probably crew now

and christian have you ever got an issue with any asians or not be honest with us i know you grew up in an area where there's a lot of uh phil uh not filipinos do you take adderall and go out looking for hate crimes uh no i actually didn't really have that many issues with asians like i don't have issues with asians at all honestly how could it's like uh there's actually surprising a lot of asians where i'm from because they all go to this ivy league school near us and you can say the name i love school. I love them. I love their food. I love everything about them. Yeah, I don't know why you'd have any problem with that. If anything, I'm angry that Asian women don't like me. Me too.

They do. I'm just not their type. No, I'm too big. Well, you're married. That could be it. That's another thing. But also, leave them for me. Sometimes you're right, dude.

On this, you're right. You say a lot of bullshit, but when you're right, you're right. Dude, a lot of legit bullshit. But even though I'm taking, you can still like what you see, man. Yeah, send a note every now and then. Send me a cup of piss. Yeah, man. At least do something for me.

Could that be a nasty note? Bro, that could be a Vietnamese Valentine. Dude, a cup of piss on your car? Who even knows, bro? Yeah. Dude, I was in Vietnam one one time i bought a bird i think i've told this story 20 times right i went to a market outdoor market and they're killing people they're killing pigs or they're killing pigs like anything you want they kill it fresh

right i mean right there it's in a cage you could literally think it's a pet store if you're a kid and wake have a rude awakening so i bought a dove in there i bought about a dollar and 20 cent dove in there right deal so i'm thinking i'm yeah it was good i'm setting this thing free i'm changing the game here right i walk out of the market and literally go like this to let it free right caught that bitch there were two there was like kind of this little walkway and these little parks that were like just up off the ground like little grassy knolls kind of. A Vietnamese dude as it's taking off jumped off of the edge of that thing, caught the bird, landed, broke its neck,

put it on his shoulder like this and walked off bro. Right in front of me. I mean dude blew my mind. That's basically an alley oop. That's what you did. That's a Vietnam alley oop where I come from man. Oh dude. Yeah that really is.

Should we see what this guy has to say? Yeah, let's see what this guy has to say. Let's see what this lonely man has to say. Let's see what Brendan Dassey's dad has to say. What's up, King of the Sting? Hey, Brendan. Hey, Theo. Hey, Culture Corner.

This is Steve from Raleigh, North Carolina. Resident 26-year-old. He looks like he's 45. I got a question for relationship advice or maybe lack of relationship advice. I'm pretty thick. 350.

Pretty fat, to be honest. Haven't been late in a while. It's not funny, Brendan. Now, do I chase those larger women? No. Those hefty honeys? No.

Hefty honeys. Maybe try to give them a little bit of love. I'm not attracted to that. That's not my kind of thing. But I'm wondering, it's been a while. Maybe just to get back on the horse, you chase those kind of women. Or do I wait? Do I work my ass off?

I'm 25 or so pounds down. Good for you, man. Do I just Do I work my ass off? I'm 25, you know, 25 or so pounds down. Good for you, man. I just continue to work my ass off and hold it, hold it for a little bit. So let me know your thoughts.

Love you guys. You know, gang, gang, buzz, buzz. I would, I would hold it,

man. I would hold it. Don't grab some big heifers, dude. Have a little pride, Bubba. Two, two,

three 50. You know, you gotta be three something to do something in that bedroom with him, man. Let's just hold off. Keep losing the weight, man, and find your real honey. That's quality. Quality over quantity. Yeah, I think that's a good statement is quality over quantity because I can't even eat it. I can't even have I can barely masturbate if I've had too much dessert.

So I can't even imagine, I think, having that much extra weight, you know, in my body, I've just never had it. But I think if you want to feel better, you know, I've kind of like a lot of weight in my butt actually. And so I'll get well documented. Yeah. And I'll get nervous sometimes and walk out of the room backwards if I'm with a woman or something like that.

You don't want to see that big floppy ass. I really have like a substitute teacher's ass yeah you know you're that sloppy joe ass will you calm down okay i'm right here dude and it's asian awareness it's asian awareness but here's what i'm saying first of all that was a mogul. You know, that was a black diamond right there. Look, man, I think you're going to be fine, dude. And here's a great way for you to meet women. Substitute teach. Oh, yes. The other teachers are hanging out.

You're the new guy. That's a great idea. But also in a small town, you get to meet people that eventually will be old enough for you to date. And you can date them later. Right. That bad. Some would say that's grooming. And that's not what I'm saying,

dude. What I'm saying is my name is Tony. Okay. That is what I'm saying today. And I support my own message. Have you ever, have you ever been with a big girl? Dude, I remember one of my famous substitute teachers, man.

He told us that kombucha mushrooms are going to be the biggest thing in the world, and he would bring in this big jug, this big, huge pickle jar filled with kombucha mushrooms, making his own tea. He'd be at the front of the room just ladling it into his mouth.

That's awesome. He would tell us it gives us all these sexual powers, and he had no hair. He was fucking absolutely... Sounds like he was trying to fuck, dog. He was, bro. Get all the kids all high. Oh, dude.

He'd let you come up, and he would just ladle some right on your fucking gullet, bro. Who else is sick of catching the right? I want you kids to get on these feet, man. But I think, man, I think sometimes having women as a goal can be kind of nice if you just say, look, I'm going to stick as a goal can be kind of nice. If you just say, look, I'm gonna stick with my fitness thing for a while and focus on this. And then I'm going to go

out there and date because if you date now and then things don't work out, it might make you feel depressed. Some, if there's like some letdowns and then you might attach that to your working out, which might not be helpful for you. Again, quality over quantity. But then also, there's a lot of honeys out there who like bigger dudes. Maybe you're just in a small town, man. They don't like the big boys. But you get out of that little town there, some people like them big boys now. Oh, yeah. It's a thick boy summer.

I think he could find a big girl and just start popping out some offensive linemen, get himself a whole team. Like some offensive tackles or some shit? Yeah. Another thing is, yeah, breeding. That's not a bad plan. Yeah, future breeding. Little Tony Buscelli's out there?

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. This guy's got one. Brendan, Theo, I've got a debate club for you. Do you put your chips on your sandwich, or do you put them on the side? I always go for on the sandwich. Yeah, I like that too. Gotta get that extra crunch.

Gang gang, buzz buzz. How about both? Because I'm a goddamn free citizen. Really? Yeah, I do both, man. I'll put them in the sandwich and on the side. Oh, praise. Crunch, crunch.

Praise. Crunch. Praise. I will do, in the beginning, I won't do it. What I like is when I was younger, we had two halves of sandwich. So one half I would do natural, you know, just get the elements of the sandwich. And then the second half I would maybe put some chips, doll it up, put a sauce on it, you know, do something nasty. A little honey Dijon.

Yeah, dude. Do whatever I want, you know. God, I love chips, man. I haven't had them in forever. Really? Oh, I love them. Why haven't you been having them? You know, trying to get in shape. Really? For what? Life. Oh, dang. Let's see what this guy has to say.

Brennan Shaw, he's got that shirt. Hey, everyone. Theo, Brendan. Culture Corner. This is Cody Nolan out here in Fort Worth, Texas. It's probably three or four of you. Out here trying to make my dog's shit box look a little bit better. She's over here watching me, chilling. Got a little debate club for y'all. Do in your yard with your shirt on or off?

Don't remember if we had this before, but let me know what you think. Personally, I can't do my front yard with my shirt off. I got the crew of Finding Bigfoot out here looking for me, but in my backyard I can get away with it. Brendan, I think you have your wise cousins out there working on the yard for you. Correct. You have your shirt off, standing there, letting everyone know you in charge. Yep.

Theo, I can see you out there with some scissors, my man. Gang. Gang, gang. Buzz, buzz. Yeah, I'll have them workers working too, man. Gang, gang. Trim, trim, baby. They go, Big Daddy, this short enough?

I go, nope, keep going. Yeah. That's what I tell them every time. Every time. Now, when I was a kid, I started a lawn mowing business. Made my own business cards. I wouldn't say started a lawn mowing business. You cut your yard. No, man.

I started a lawn mowing business. That was my job. And then I created business cards. I put George Jetson on there, mowing a lawn, because I could draw a little bit. Put my cell phone on there. 20 bucks. It was a beast. Did you do any yards? I had too much business I was it was all I did as a kid and I dude I was purple I was so tan yeah and then housewives watching me with my shirt off all sweaty dang getting that lawn

right you want some iced tea come in get some tea maybe some tits every now and then oh really yeah oh damn young kid and with adults hitting on you oh yeah oh yeah men's and women's i remember we went over this fella big langenstein's house one time and he ended up being a pedophile but uh yeah and he was a pedophile we met him too but he also ended up being one but he um he one time we're over his house all high and some men came over there and they were all gay. And what happened, dog? Nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing.

But I'll never forget that. You guys could smell them pedophiles? I just, we didn't know. I was like, am I like, I just think everybody's real gay and creepy in here because I'm high? Or did you think you were going to play basketball because everybody's scared? But they were perverted men. That's what I'm talking about. These were older men that were perverted gay for children how could you tell huh how could you tell you could just tell what did they say stuff to you yeah one of them like uh uh my buddy was putting uh was going to get some uh

sour cream out of the refrigerator and um or i was going to get some and he got and he goes hey man can i have some of that sour cream and i just yelled back i was like no you could have some of this sweet cream you know talking about seed yeah and uh that's a bad place to make that joke and then one of the old men goes can i have some well dude and that's when the whole scenario just that's on you though 180 bro you were real cause a child well you're a cockte. And that's when the whole scenario just did like a 180, bro. Dude, well, you were a real cock. I was a child. Well, you were a cock tease kid. That's what you were doing.

Oh, man. Yeah, shaking your ass in front of these gentlemen. We're getting canceled for this, dude. We'll close it out with Cats in the Wild. Someone found Theo at a fish concert back in the day. That gets so hard. Hey, look at his mom right behind him. I Look at his mom right behind him be like this is what he fucking won for his birthday Mom can't wait to get the fuck out of there

We get a better shadow Oh my god It is lit. Oh, my God. He's dad on the left. Oh, yeah. Let's go. That boy's on the next to seeing some fish. Oh, yeah. They should just let those people have sex. Fish melt newbies.

Tell me that's not Theo. God, a young Theo. Look at that headshot, man. Fish melt newbies. Tell me that's not Theo. God, a young Theo. Look at that headshot, Doug. Yeah, dude. How old were you when you did that headshot? Probably 13, 14. Always had that nose, though, huh? Yeah, baby.

The nose stays with it. Nose first, baby. Yeah, that's me right there, dude. God damn, that's spot on. Just some good old boys. Yeah, you were at the wrong show. Yeah, he keeps having the time of his life. Dude, I remember one time being so high at some concert.

I don't even know. It was probably 311 or something like that. And I walked back to the back. I couldn't see, right? I thought I turned into a raccoon, right right because i was on some kind of drug and i felt on some man and it was a fucking cop bro i felt his badge and his gun i'm like son what the fuck are you doing he said get off of me i said where's the water fountain you thought you were a raccoon he goes it's that way i thought it was a raccoon dude and i'd seen raccoons drink out of water fountains before because the button's easy to

press for their hands yeah they have real hands yeah it's crazy huh now maybe that's that middle element you know if you're talking about evolution and uh yeah maybe came from the coons on the raccoons and creation because yeah i just feel like it because when you look at all the animals think about all the animals, right? And then you look at humans, we're such an outlier, really. Kind of. We're pretty closely related to those gorillas and chimpanzees. No, no.

They're staying in one little area. They're chilling. They're not doing that. They're not all meeting up and doing like a business. They are, though. They have tribes. And if a male comes to that tribe, they kill him. But they're not doing a business or anything.

Well, that's why we came about. We evolved, man. Start businesses. Start podcasting. But then why don't other animals evolve? Why isn't somebody showing up with water going off their back and a beak and they're doing a business? Because they didn't evolve, man. But why?

That doesn't make any sense. Why not? Yeah. They're stuck in time that's crazy well no because they're stupid they don't have the brain power like the chimpanzees but but they're smarter no dude yeah they're way smarter they're smarter but to that point though to defend you like crows are smart as fuck dude so are so are octopus or dolphins whales yeah whales communicating shit like you think one of these days in maine a whale boy would just kind

of walk on out yeah like aquaman yeah like i'm here hey finally you know like there would be that one turn of the wave yeah that would spark the deal so that's what i'm just like that's why it feels to me like there's got to be some bigger plan here. I hope so. Okay, okay. I think God's gonna watch this and judge the shit out of us. Well, God knows I love him, dude. God is my girlfriend. You didn't even say it. Whatever helps you, man.

You're afraid to say it. Whatever keeps you sober, dude. If God's your girlfriend, whatever that therapist is telling you, dog. That'd be a good shirt. You think God is my girlfriend? I don't think so. It's pretty offensive. You think? Why? For those people that love the Lord. It just means God loves you, dude, no matter what. How about God's my boyfriend? Would that offend people? I don't know. I don't think it would. Do it. Make it. Make that and that ass mold. I can't believe Stevie's doing that. It's so much tougher to think about him

safely now knowing he's just delving into that cultural appropriation. Well, I'll tell you what bothers me is Nick said he's 50. Now I look at him deaf. Probably 45. I think we probably hit it closer. 45, 46. I texted him. He hasn't got back to me. God, he doesn't look that. He's probably sleeping.

Or he's probably nutting in that black ass. One of those sleeping. Or he's probably nutting in that black ass. One of those two. Or he's at In-N-Out. He's probably whipping up a batch of bum choy. That it, Nick? That's it. Dope. Tonight, when this airs, I'm in Houston, Texas.

Houston Improv. Thursday, Friday, Saturday. That's at the Houston Improv. And then the following month, June, I forget, early June, I'm in Oklahoma City, Brickstown Comedy Club in Oklahoma, Oklahoma City. But Houston this week. See you Thursday, Friday, Saturday. That's tonight, y'all.

Come on out. And I got tickets. You can get them at theovon.com slash tour and we just added another show in st louis and we got cincinnati charlotte uh durham i think we got a late show there now and um uh columbus we're gonna put up a late show so theovon.com slash tour, Chattanooga, Knoxville, Wilmington, Wilkes-Barre, Minneapolis, Charleston, Richmond, some other places. Thank you guys for joining us. Rats back on the road. Gang, gang.

Buzz, buzz. Brendan and Theo, fighter in weight. I got to go in and go hard in the paint. I do not think. I am in flow. Black rifle coffee, I'm ready to go. I need a sponsor. I am a monster.

About to open up with this at my concerts. Flow is contagious. Brows are outrageous. Thicker than girls' letter. Instagram famous. Damn. Hungry like I'm fresh off keto. Seeing red like Andrew Santino.

Every song I hit like the great Bambino. Brennan ate the queso and the quesoritos. But everything's gonna be fine. Hate on me, I do not mind. Theo looking like the type of dude that got a pack of matches in his pockets at all times They sliding into my DMs A couple of you trapper couldn't beat him Quit playing like Nintendo DS

You don't want to smoke like Joey Diaz Meaning y'all edible Just got my eyebrows threaded and I'm feeling incredible Brennan's son hit me up He said it's too loud in the club, can you pick me up? King and the sting King and the sting King and the sting We sting, rat king the club can you pick me up And the sting. King. And the sting. Bee sting. Rat king.

King. And the sting. King. And the sting. Got the bees in a trap. Got the cheese on a string.