The Golden Hour - Episode 127: Stolen Valor

Episode Date: June 25, 2021

The guys receive on-air gifts and talk Theo's torso heavy body, Yelp dating, all new KATS In The Wild  and Relationship Advice submissions, including an update and live on-air call with a previous Relationship Advice submitter, interracial dating, Greyhound Bus tales and much more! Get your King and the Sting merch at katsmerch.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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If you're deaf, blind, dumb, mentally handicapped. Start a podcast. Yeah. Yeah. Back off my broccolini. Get your life together. It is. Don't touch me, bro. Iini. Get your life together. It is. Don't touch me, bro.

I'm not touching you, dude. How does this look, all right? Yeah, you look cool, dog. I wouldn't say cool. You look pretty cool. That's a lie. You look like the flyest midget. You know you got a body like a midget that's stretched out

no i knew i really yeah you got that you got that midget dumper on you no i don't you built like a stressed out midget dog you look cool though dog stressed out no not you're not stressed you don't look stressed really that's the look i'm going for really stressed kind of achieving it i feel like my body style is more like that gingerbread man you think like boxy i'm thinking more like you get that you get them fat haunches like that like that the little people ass like you never met a little person with a flat ass haunches all they're all see i got that style right i don't think so man i'm like i'm torso heavy man oh that's me too no he got a chest you don't have a chest man. I'm like, I'm torso heavy, man.

Oh, that's me too. No, you got a chest. You don't have a chest. I even have white hands and feet like that. You got white feet? Yeah, I got sweet feet too. You know, if I smell my hands, dude, I've always had this thing. Since I was little, if I smell my hands, they smell like syrup.

Syrup? Syrup? Oh, dang. You think it smells like syrup yeah like mr buttersworth or whatever mine smells like car oil i didn't work on cars what's your smell like nick dude you don't work it's just my aftershave and i actually smell my hands all the time so much so they told their editor joe if i smell my hands make sure that's not on camera. But I always go like this.

I'm just thinking. Why do you smell your hands all the time? It smells like aftershave, and I like it. Damn. That's addiction. I'll tell you what I will do. Sometimes when I spill a little gas on my hand, I'm like, when? Because I like to smell that finger for the rest of the day.

Oh, God, I love that. Ooh, I love that. Or like a fresh paint. Oof. When was the last time you smelled that spray paint daddy god i love it i love that man to it dude yeah when i was young somebody spray painted i was unconscious or whatever in this park and somebody spray painted like a bunch of spray paint like in my butt cracking it like stuck together for a long time that's crazy cheeks together yeah just it's real you don't realize how dangerous a lot of that pain is i caught my son smelling a sharpie i said dog yeah quit doing that he said why i said you need all the brain cells boba you're too young to be doing this

he said but i saw you doing it it's different, it's different. Yeah. It's different. How about I have this nicotine, the rogue nicotine around the house. And when I first started doing it, he's like, dad, what is this? And, you know, my girl was like, it's bad for you. You shouldn't be using that. But then when she was gone, I was like, it's dad's medicine. So now he'll come up like, dad, here's your medicine. I'm like, thanks, buddy.

No. Yeah. Dang, dude. Now that sounds dangerous. Yeah, like, thanks, buddy. No. Yeah. Dang, dude. Now, that sounds dangerous, Brandon. Yeah, probably not the best thing to do. Yeah, thinking your kid is running around giving you medicine. And what is that, Nicorette? Nicotine?

Nicotine. What's in that box? Oh, I don't know. What is in this box? What's in the box? What's in the box? That was a gift, actually. We opened on Theo's unboxing challenge.

But there was something in there for Brandon as well. Fuck, man. I was a gift, actually. We opened on Theo's Unboxing Challenge, but there was something in there for Brendan as well. Fuck, man. I'm fucking tired, bro. You didn't sleep last night? Yeah, I slept fucking eight hours, man. It's because you're off caffeine, dude. Who told you to get off caffeine? What warlock told you to get off caffeine? Why are you listening to all these

dumb people? I got too much caffeine in my body. I'll take it, dog. Get in here. Thanks, homie. On Yelp. You know, a lot of men, they were meeting other men on Yelp. Really? Like, leaving reviews, but in code word? Yeah. Like, this roast beef is fire. Yeah.

And then leave their cell phone number? Yeah, yeah. Come get this salad or something, you know? And it's like a furniture shop. Who wants this foot long? Yeah. If I could give six stars i would yeah oh yeah well you look up yelp uh it's all in code secret gay or secret

i don't know that's gonna pop up maybe just google secret yelp talk let's see there you go secret lounge closed oh dog i went and got a massage the other day did you bro these bassooses how many people just one person he was one one asian lady i felt bad for her she oh you you big like yeah i'm pretty big but then dude they'll do anything for some change coming out of covid dog oh i mean you'd be a little less the lonely front man at least at least let me be surprised if you touch my piece yeah like they just they need that cash dog they'll go peace first yeah it's just wild in the open man they had oh there's one little lady she'll climb down your throat and kick the mucus off your freaking walls in there i'll pay good hardcore dude this lady will pull one

of your tonsils out with her dang freaking little root grippers. I felt bad for this lady. You're doing work, sweating and shit. It's really wild, man. And a lot of people from Vietnam and other countries love gardening. They love being in the soil. Digging that back. What is this snake?

Am I going to get fucking... It's no snakes or anything. It's just a nice... It's not like a poisonous tree frog or some shit? No, it's a really nice gift. Somebody gave that to you. Oh, that's nice. Can I read the card?

Brandon, I left one C out of the thick boy because you've been looking slim, my boy. Thanks. He's a liar. Thanks for everything you do. Sir Collect-A-Lot, a.k. do. Sir Collect-a-Lot, aka Sir Collect-a-Lot. Homemade action figures, everything you guys do.

Oh, damn. A little Theo Vaughn one, doggie. That is legit. The other one is you. Where's the other one? You just set it down. Oh, fuck. Oh, wow. Mine's neat. That's pretty dope

can we show uh Mark's camera I mean he made mine thick I'm hiding it dang dude yours wow you look so Jewish on this go look at this man

by Jewish you mean juicy, dude. Oh, dude. Heavy on the EW, dog. I can't give that to my son, man. I know, I know. Oh. Wow, you really gut it up, dude. Gut it up, dog.

That's awesome, man. Tell them to meet me at fucking 250, dog. I just benched 425 yesterday, you stupid fucks. For what? What's up, dude? That's not in nashville daddy we could do you went out there playing grab ass in nashville let me fucking send it to you nick we could do four how much was it 425 the 25 is negligible dog well i did 405 too easy so i went to 425 dog we could do about it. What about colon curve?

How much you bench? I don't bench that much, but like my, like I don't really bench, but I. Okay, this is the longest story ever, dude. Unbelievable story. Huh? What's your bench? Shit. Probably 240, 245.

Yeah, at least, man. And then what about when you're on the sauce, though? I'm chest only. 315, dog. No, not 315. Probably 270. Oh, that's weak. I always had strong bench, dude. man and then what about when you're on the sauce though i'm chest 315 no not 315 probably 270 i always had strong bench dude you find me i'll be pushing up dog we actually had a cats in a while of chin and uh old pork rind working out together oh wow look at these way to pump them up

got him uh that He's dead lifting. I just sent you, Nick. He's dead. What's that? Those are 55s, it looks like. That's a lot of fucking weight. 55, 55. That's one, two, three, four, five.

Look at this, man. That's 500-something. 530, maybe? Oh, my goodness. Is he really going to do this? Well, do it, dog. Take the glasses off and do it. And he has no shoes on?

And he's Asian. What? That's actually why Chin isn't here today. Because he actually pulled something in his back. That's why he wasn't able to make it. That makes sense. I wish Chin could do that. I wish Chin could do that. Now, I'm not trying to one-up that kid, but I did 600 the other day.

600 what? Pounds? Yeah. Why are y'all doing that, man? You guys definitely don't need to be doing that much weight, I don't think. Well, you know, someone walked by like, oh, I bet you can't do this. I'm like, say what? And then it's on, dog.

And then it's on. Dude, y'all are bitches i'll do fucking 610 you can do shit you're gonna go to nashville and fucking cry about it i'll do 610 in nashville i'll do 612 out here dude i don't give a shit you would you stop working with that trainer that's getting that ass right listen to the music there I am right there spotting you because you need it. I wish that was you, dog. That's Mark the Body Harley, son. Yeah. That guy has the same hair as my mom, dude.

How much is that? $4.25. It's not that much. Yeah. Probably could do more. I remember I used to do a pretty good bit, man. On what? On chest and legs. You used to have a pretty good bit, man. On what? On chest and legs.

You used to have a bit on chest and legs? I used to do a pretty good bit of weight. Oh, I thought you were saying you had a bit on it. No, I don't have anything like that. I feel like you'd be good at squatting with that ass. You're building a squat, yeah. I used to squat. Some of my back went out, dude.

I was moving a television. It was when they first had big screens, and i was moving the ones not like today were like thin like the real thick heavy screens yeah and oh dude we were pushing this thing across a field one of our neighbors moved to a different neighbor and we couldn't find like a trolley or anything like that and so we're just trying to literally push it with our shoulders across this field dude but that it fired it fired your ass up and then it was so hard dislocated my back god So we're just trying to literally push it with our shoulders across this field, dude. But it fired your ass up and then broke your back? It was so hard. It dislocated my back.

God damn. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Must have been a Vizio. I don't remember what it was. It was awesome. Do you have flat screens in the Nashville? Because you're a frugal man.

We got a flat screen in there. You're the guy with those big old school TVs. You got to turn the dial and shit. I got a 58 inch in there right now. the guy with those big old school TVs. You got to turn the dial and shit. I got a 58 inch in there right now. All right, daddy. Don't flex on too hard. 58. You close that thing, Earbud?

Earbud. Or whatever that guy's name is. I have no idea. Earbud the movie. Did you know that dog is the same dog as the one from Full House, Comet? Oh, really? Yep. Bud.

And he's just a star actor in Hollywood. I thought he got canceled for saying the N word. I wish I had the career that dog had. God damn. Better help, you need it. Jesus, we need it. I need it. Who's on it?

I'm on it. I've been on it, man. One time I had a flat tire and I didn't know what to do. I was about to take my own life. What did I do? I got on my phone. I got on BetterHelp, and I took care of myself mentally so and I didn't know what to do about it. I had to take my own life. What did I do? I got on my phone. I got on BetterHelp. And I took care of myself mentally so that I didn't have to feel weird or anything.

And I could change my tire and change my ways, praise God. So what I'm telling you about now is BetterHelp. There's a broad range of expertise available. If you don't know if you want somebody who's chatty or quiet, you want a listener or a suggester, an advisor or a friend. BetterHelp has all types of counselors for mental health. It's more affordable than traditional offline counseling and financial aid is available.

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No, this is actually, so today we've got a lot of relationship advice, but we wanted to follow up because this is a guy from like two years ago. Oh, yeah. I remember him. Oh, he's smoking weed. Remember, he was like all undercover smoking weed. Yeah, let's see what he said back then. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz.

Oh, yeah. Relationship advice. I've been married for 25 years. You have to think about that. He's guessing. Life's been great. Helped me get through anxiety. I'm still dealing with some shit.

So I've been smoking some weed. Oh yeah, buddy. I got caught before doing that and she wasn't happy about it, but I thought it'd help, so I just started again and I haven't told her yet. You don't think she smells it, but Danny?

She told me last time that I should tell her before I try to do anything like this. So, the question is, should I tell her? It seems to help with anxiety. Or should I just... Well, you're going to have anxiety either way. Dude, I'm having anxiety waiting for you to get through this sentence, dude. I will say this, though.

That guy looks like the Canadian Tony Hawk, hawk first of all dude uh tony bulk yeah dude you ever seen tony hawk tony hawk yeah dude tony hawk's a thin dude but this dude what happened to him nick he passed away oh well you guys gave him different level of advice i'm pretty sure brendan told him to just get divorced uh unreal after 25 years wow uh and you know i had a shooter's too and we just wanted to check in with him and see uh what oh we're calling him now i'm nervous i call his name i call him tony mark there he is big mark what up baby hey how's it going sponsored by monster what's up dog what's this doing here? I love it, man.

You got some whiskey in the background there, my man. What is that? Buffalo Trace. I've got Crown Royal, Salted Caramel. Smart man. Oh, yeah. What's that other one? Is it Bacardi?

Yeah, I can't find it right now. My boy likes to party. Hey, man, brother, where are you at? You still in the garage, or did they let you back in? No, I got my own little corner in the house here. Did our advice help you at all? I forget what we said exactly. No, you said something about eating ass or something like that.

I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry about that. Maybe when she was 20. Yeah, I'm sorry, dude. If I had that advice then, it probably would have I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry about that. Maybe when she was 20. Yeah, I'm sorry, dude. If I had that advice then, it probably would have helped. Sorry, man. Yeah, it's more of a, yeah, I think eating ass is probably more of a children's game. Yeah, I'm a little too old for that.

So did your wife catch you smoking the reefer? Yeah, yeah. Let's see, I came clean to her one day i took uh oh i don't know whose advice it was to come clean i think theo told me to keep that little secret because i did kind of enjoy that he was right he called that he was right on the money with that yeah it's fun but uh yeah i said yeah it's fun hiding the truth from people it's fun hiding the truth from people. It's fun hiding the truth from people that you love. Yeah. And then also I was mentioning with Nick, and I said, I imagine I treat my wife like Theo treats Nick.

You lash out at the people you like the most. Oh, you hit your wife too? Oh, I don't hit her. That was once, and that was in the parking lot, and that was an accident. And he's forgiven her. You was once, and that was in the parking lot, and that was an accident. And he's forgiven him. You look like a working man, dude. You got some dirt on those nails, my man. You're a working man.

These are my hands after I clean up after work. Oh, gotcha. Amen, brother. I do some machine work, welding, and run a plaza table, things like that. And you're up in Canada, eh? Nope. Iowa. But you said your wife

eventually, now she wants you to smoke weed so you don't snap at her. Yeah. Oh, she came around full circle, dude. Yeah. Now she's all for it. At first she was upset by it. that's just uh the way people are around here it's do you still get anxiety or has that has the week taken yeah yeah i get it all

time i just fight it all day because i don't smoke at work obviously i wouldn't be able to do my job but yeah yeah and then you get home and puff out smoke, and I only got to fight it for 12 hours a day. I like that, man. And look, I also say this about marijuana. It'll make you, it definitely, I think it promotes a more healthy, sexual, active lifestyle. Oh, you think? Yeah. I think you're more likely to bone down on your spouse if you're geeked up on a little bit of that smoke.

I'd probably agree with that, guess that's what i'm saying boy dude it'll make somebody's it just makes somebody's tits feel better i feel like it a little more if you got a hit of that gas in your lungs maybe i feel like it really just makes somebody's body feel just it makes them feel different it's like they're different it's like it's not the same wife you've had or husband you've had for a long time and they can feel like an intruder or something. Oh, that makes sense. And then Mark had one more thing to tell us.

Last time he was on, Brendan made fun of his turkey neck. Oh, yeah. What? Yeah. Gobble, gobble. I'm sorry, man. I still got a little bit there.

Dude, I told you, you asked to make fun of your neck. I'm sorry, dude. That's typical. Brendan, there. Dude, I told you you asked to make fun of your neck. I'm sorry, dude. That's typical, Bernie. You should listen to more of what you suggest to people. I feel like it works. He's still married. Look at him.

He's crushing it. That's true. Actually, you're doing good, man. And you're down how much? 58 pounds. Oh, what's up, dog? Let's go, baby. 58.

Congrats, brother. Congrats, man. And where'd you notice you lost it the most? Is there a place in your body where you see it missing the most? Pretty much everywhere. My legs are a lot thinner. I've been doing some weights and things like that, too. Damn.

Good for you, man. Good for you. And you joined a fitness plex or something? Did you join a neighborhood group or some of meet in the park? Planet fit I got I got a speed bag weights and stuff here in my Man, my little room. I get now that at home Jim. I like that man. Good for you, man Well, congrats brother. Keep smoking that reef from losing the weight man Thanks

High and skinny brother be a new nickname high and skinny high and skinny unless you get them munchies late at night that could be a problem yeah now how do you fend that off when you get all uh you you really you just want to tongue down a bag of tater slices what do you do i turn the cookie monster oh yeah i i had that real bad for a long time but i've been able to control it now. Damn. Discipline is freedom. There you go, baby. I figured if I got real fat and lazy, I couldn't smoke dope, so I think I'm more active now than I was before.

Wow, what a success story, man. That's it, man. I feel like Dr. Phil. Oh, yeah, dude. I know it's not the answer. Someday I'll work at getting therapy or something when yeah but i can get to it you know but yeah maybe you seem to be doing all right on your own man yeah and plus yeah sometimes you just gotta just smoke a little bit of dope man and keep going yeah life's all good brother well

thanks for calling man yeah thanks mark yeah i'm proud to see you look at losing so much weight man congratulations dude thanks a lot guys hey can i give I get a shout out somebody? Yeah. Oh, yeah, you know your dealer a jelly roll Yeah, that's our guy man. I never heard about him until I saw came in this thing He's great. He's a legend. He's crushing it right now. He's back on tour man. People are seeing this song He's doing see more. He just gets out to put the mic to the crowd and they sing for him over a billion views on youtube wow yeah yeah so thanks sir for turning me on to that guy yeah man that's our boy you're more than welcome have a good day man smoke some smoke some weed and listen to jelly roll for us my man yeah stay well man stay healthy baby see ya gang wow man lost look at that little body shaming man. Yeah. Stay well, man. Stay healthy, baby. See ya.

Gang. Wow, man. Lost. Look at that little body. Shaming goes a long ways, man. Yeah.

That's how I got my fat ass in shape. Really? Yep. Little body shaming. What happened? Uh, someone called me fat. Who was it?

Just some random dude at the gym. Dang. I know. Like the wild west. Man, I thought you'd be in better shape. I was like, oh, fuck you, dog. But that shit worked. Dude, you never know what'll work. That's what I'm saying.

That's called... I told him he has a turkey goblin. Look at him. He's down 55 pounds. That's a good point, man. Let's tell this guy something. Yeah, he needs some help, too. He's got some relationship advice question.

Hey, Meg Ryan and Rosie O'Donnell. help too he's got some relationship or a relationship advice question hey uh meg ryan and rosie o'donnell my name is dylan and i'm coming to you guys for a little bit of relationship advice moved out to california been here for about seven months i met this girl we kicked it off right away started only seeing each other right away so I've been into black girls for a while. Not sure why. It's just my thing. That's that bottom lip, bro. She was the first girl that was black that I would call my girlfriend.

I've been with other black girls before, but never call them my girlfriend. He's got that dark spark in his heart. We started off really good. Probably the first four months, we didn't really have any problems. And then every time we hung out we would start arguing she would have shit about stuff that doesn't even matter oh yeah so i guess i'm just asking do uh is that just a black girl thing is it a california thing do i keep going after black girls do i not gang gang baby uh i mean i think it just depends have you dated a black girl i went

over to a black girl's house one time and i think had sex but you say you didn't date one no it's different when you sign up for the whole game i don't know if that's a la thing i don't think it's an la thing man but also four months that's when shit gets real dog yeah that's true i don't know if that's a black four months of that that months of that honeymoon phase, everything's all good. You're like, all right, she farted, not a big deal. You look over a few things. Next thing you know, you know. She's spreading his hair.

He has cornrows and shit. Yeah, yeah, that's true, dude. And he's wearing Iverson jerseys to sleep. You know, like some of that, it could get a little wild socks to bed and shit yeah yeah he's got like he's wearing slippers to work you know what i'm saying like it could get a little wild i think i think uh you know i don't know i don't think it's a black thing i think it's that girl's thing you're just you're just not a match doug right and that's all it is yeah i think if you date another black girl for four months and it happens again,

then you could start to speculate that it's an urban. Yeah, maybe you just don't get along with them. It's an urban phenomenon. Yep. But I think it's dope, dude. Get out there and try some different, get out there and get a taste of that urbanity. And see what's going on. Get in the mix. But yeah, black black girls also they're more vivacious so i think that's a normal statement man meaning

black girls get more turnt up and more like you know they'll go from fucking zero to negative 16 in a fucking moment you know what i'm saying is too though man well i'm saying i think it's a lot of yeah i think if you get outside of more the the only way you get that in the white community i think is if you go with a ginger there's ginger got some fire in their heart they get a little sparky yeah yeah they get a little off a little bit especially around leap year and shit they'll get a little fucking vibey dog they'll leave the car running you know so i think yeah uh but yeah i mean if you get invited to like essence festival or something dude you're probably gonna get fucking shot yeah probably lay low my man yeah

i wouldn't get crazy you start taking vacations atlanta it's probably lay low you know yeah dude if you find yourself in fucking jamaica but not at a resort you know like then you might yeah i just don't want to see you get uh you, I just don't want to see you get, uh, you know, I just don't want to see something crazy happen to you. You know? Yeah,

man, you'd be smart, man. Also mix it up. Look at this little fricking white. Yeah. Here's something right here. That's right.

Maybe try this out. Hey Theo. Hey Brendan. It's Savannah from out here in Southern Idaho. Um, I have a little bit of a debate club slash relationship advice for you guys. I'll move in with you. Me and my boyfriend of four years just decided to part ways a little bit ago after

I was ready to be wiped up and he decided he didn't want to wipe me up. So I'm going through a little bit of a rut wondering if I should just keep it tight and look for that forever. Or if I should have a ho phase. So debate club, ho phase, or keep it tight and look for that ride or die. I'm only 24, so it's not a huge deal right now. I know everybody's telling me not to rush it. But I want to see what you guys think. So thank you. And Brennan, I'd love to see you again. We met a few years ago at the Wise Guys Comedy Club, and that was pretty cool.

Theo, I'd love to see you for the first time. years ago at the wise guys comedy club and that was pretty cool um theo i'd love to see you for the first time so get your ass to the west coast thanks guys gang gang buzz buzz dude 24 fucking whore it up for 5 000 alex i think if you 24 i think uh what was the question again i think you're sliding some dallas cowboys dms you feel me like get wild girl especially that body like start living man it's a disgrace if you don't well i don't know much but i would say this that i think the chances of you getting out there and having a nice time outside of a relationship are probably pretty good i think you could meet a good farming man too especially if she's out there. Where she said, Idaho? Yeah. Get out there in Nampa.

They got a place called Nampa out there where they make tomatoes. Not tomatoes, but squash. Not squash, but... Potatoes? No, sugar beets. Oh, those are nice. I think she should get out of Idaho and get to Vegas or somewhere and just let loose, girl. She's growing a set of sugar beets of her own, man.

You know what I'm saying? I can't tell if it's the video, the way the lighting is on the video, or if she has some huge deads. I can't tell you that's what I was thinking, man. Dude, she has some bongers. What do you mean? I could have a baby. I could have a baby. I could have a baby.

She's the type of girl Chin would take out and black out on Saki. Oh, yeah. It looks like each one of her breasts just ate a big sandwich, dude. That's what it looks like, dude. She has some definitely. Corn-fed hitters. Oh, she's got those Jersey Mike's, baby. You feel me?

Mike, check, dude. I would yell into each one of those. Yeah, that's how bold you can hear me, girl. I would double dribble them things, you know? Oh, yeah, them honey cones. Oh, dude. Oh, doggy. I'd freaking try to hide one of those in my mouth.

Oh, yeah. You know what I'm saying? And then freaking call the cops on myself and I'd choke to death. Breaking news. Theo just added a show on Boise. What about you, neck nipple? What do you think when you see that girl, huh? Honestly, I'm thinking of moving to Indiana now.

I don't know wherever she is. Go to Indiana. That'll help. Go to Indiana. You'll fit in there. She's in Idaho, bro. It's only 14 hours away. I will Forrest Gump my way to wherever she is.

Yeah, she's a baddie. 24 too, man. And here she is about to fight. This is her and her ex-boyfriend right here. Let's get in some King of the Sting. I wonder why he wasn't ready, man. She didn't give us enough information. He might be 24. He's like, I'm what? Nah, girl. I don't know. That's still dumb, though. 24 would be stupid.

And she said she met you before. She came to my show at Wise Guys, man. Does don't know. That's still dumb, though. 24 would be stupid to let her go. And, Brandon, she said she met you before. She came to my show at Wise Guys, man. Does that ring a bell? No. You know, he's a pretty girl. I don't know, dude. I don't know. There's not a lot of girls at my show, so you'd think I'd remember.

It's a real cock fest, right? Sounds skeptical. That's what I'm saying. There's not a lot of, like, I've seen, yes, it's a lot of men. It's a bro crowd, dude. I don't remember. You know, I got CG. I actually have a lot of, like, I've seen, yes, it's a lot of men. It's a bro crowd, dude. I don't remember. You know, I got CG. I actually have a lot of ladies that come to my shows.

Yeah, mine's been getting better. I doubt that. Yeah. Hey, you're probably watching us at home and struggling to do that. And I feel you. But look, if you're watching us, you want a little snack, you want a pizza bite. You know what I'm saying? You want a damn toffee.

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Oh, Hot Carl with the tits? She came out to the show and- With a man? Oh my God. Yeah. What? She met a man. Because of us?

Yes. Some guy slid into her DMs and now they live together. What? Yeah. Chin, you're not here, but you but you fucked up dude that could have been you no chin didn't mess up he had a wife or whatever that little lady is he's always sick or something he said and then yeah they didn't work out and now the girl met somebody wow good looking dude normal dude i didn't see him i think he was an alcoholic and i'm not judging

him i didn't meet him i'm just guessing it's also at my show yeah so half the people there yeah wow what a love story half the people at my show are definitely relapsing yeah now here's a guy she was a baddie though good for her man oh yeah was she pretty in person beautiful lady nice head nice shirt oh how about? I go, can you come in today? He goes, bro, on a plane to Washington to see that girl who gave me the hickey. Oh, really? You're disgusting. He told me that she sucked syrup out of his neck. I was like, what? Like right through his skin, he said.

God. Just sipping sucrose right out that little Siamese twin. He could have a little baby on the way. I could have a little baby. I got it right now. He's like, I got a little hickey. Fuck you. I could have a little baby on the way. I could have a little baby. I got a little baby. He's like, I got a little baby. Fuck you. I could have a baby. I could have a baby. I got so much.

He said, I got so much pussy last weekend. Yeah, he's disgusted. We gotta king it or sting it. I mean, he is... Oh, sting it. Hard sting it. Heart sting it. What is this, autism? And why are they in spandex?

Dude, actually, these dudes are going at it. Yeah, they are. King of sting it, medieval times, indoor all year round tournament, sword fighting and jousting, or the outdoors renaissance fair. Let me know. Gang gang, buzz buzz. Wow buzz Wow dude that's awesome bro It's cool you ever been to medieval times Paul Giamatti

A little bit Actually he looks like Lyle Alzado a little He looks like Lyle When he was sick He looks like Lyle Alzado Giamatti A little bit Lyle Alzado that's when he was sick that's what i'm talking about yeah that's he looks similar oh he was like the first person to get cancer ever he got a throat cancer i think and then like and then blamed on steroids and was

like i don't know dude it probably was that he also fought uh Ali in Malawi Stadium boxing. No way. Did he lose? No, he went the distance. What? He was a good boxer? Yeah, had like over 100 amateur fights, they said. The Logan Paul of his time, going the distance with the greatest. Yeah, they've been doing this forever.

Go back and see that. Is that true? Lyle Alzado and Muhammad Ali? Yep. You think it was a real fight? Oh, yeah. But it was like, you know, Muhammad Ali was a lot older, man. And they thought they did at Mile High Stadium in Denver because they thought it would, like, sell out, and it did not sell out.

Yeah. How old were you? That's probably a huge deal in Denverver or i guess not if it didn't it was it didn't sell well it was like on fucking nbc too do you remember this when you were a kid no wow no not at all. A couple good shots there. Well, he landed decently. But yeah, this was the tail end of Muhammad Ali. He was old, man. Wow.

That's crazy, man. Different time, dog. Different times. I'm thinking Middle East. We're talking about Renaissance Faire. Renaissance Faire. The one thing I'll say about Ren Faire is man. Turkey legs, man. The turkey legs are disgusting those dinosaur turkey legs they're disgusting i've

never seen turkey that big they're huge legs man dude the turkeys that i've seen are not walking around like that these are some thoughts dude those turkeys that they're singing they're from obviously from mississippi they're from yeah they're definitely medieval times though when you first get your this is dope hour and a half later like when the fuck's this end dude yeah you gotta have alcoholism and also what they do is there's a lot of up sales at medieval times man it's like yeah do you want the ring ceremony do you want the you know we'll uh here's a plastic sword stab your son you know what i'm saying we'll have somebody sneak up and throw somebody out of the balcony you can only have rotisserie chicken and i'm like can i get

something else like medieval times like all right give me a refill on that pepsi yeah and it's like oh everything comes in a wooden flask yeah wooden tank like little uh cop mug yeah wooden mug is there one close no it's pretty far no and i'll say this though i'll say this though medieval times i like it's almost like you what ren fair you can hear people like people are doing stuff but they're also arguing about drugs that we're doing last night and stuff they're like oh welcome to the sewing place you know yeah i like it and then they're like oh you fucking owe me for some grams you know like there's a lot of like hot beef on the grill going between the people i like that chaos yeah that there's a lot more medieval hoodness yeah

there's a lot more medieval chaos you can go behind the scenes of shit and see people shooting up and doing all kinds of dope in the woods sucking each other off and everything the one guy in the dragon suit just getting sucked off it's a lot more medieval it's actually just more evil kind of yeah it's more evil than any good times it's more depressing times no one's doing well no no it's a lot of people with rope burn sunburn a lot of huge dudes with sunburn yeah big dudes farmer tan yeah a lot of freaking gingers too it's where a lot of gingers go a lot of ginger girls with braids to escape society as renfairs or they found out a way to get paid once a year from they took larp way too serious and they'll tit up man i mean you can find tits on

everything there has tits on it yeah including the turkey leg look at this guy in the back of this photo though look at him no him. No, go back. On the right, the dude obviously has a chewing, feeding trough on the front of his thing. So he can eat out of that little dish. This guy looks out of place a little bit. Zoom in on that guy. That's as close as I can go. Unbelievable apple.

Yeah, who is that? That could be Stevie. Stevie, that could be Chin. But Stevie, also, I'm going to say this, man. You flew back to see the girl? On Southwest? Whoa. I'll be on Southwest tomorrow, but... Dude, here was the best thing ever.

David Spade the other day went to McDonald's and ate inside. In Nashville. How dope is that? Really? Were people harassing him? No, I'm sure some dude came over and he said, I'm like, a dude or a homeless person? So are you

David Spade-ing a McFlurry right now, dude? Dude, the McDonald's in our hometown, one had a Nintendo 64 you could play and there was a fireplace. I was excited to go to McDonald's in our hometown, one had a Nintendo 64 you could play, and there was a fireplace. I was excited to go to McDonald's. It was the shit. The ball pit.

Yeah, it was the shit. The ball pit. The ball pit, the play area. Yeah. There was always that one kid, that shit in the ball pit. Yeah, it was like a centerpiece that you could sit around and have your meal, and it was like a big open fire fireplace. A Big Mac and a fireplace, dude? Somebody having a baby.

You get fired on, I feel like, at a lot of McDonald's. McDonald's is definitely... It's getting a little ratchet. It's gotten a little bit Migos. Didn't you know a guy who lived in a ball pit or something? Oh, dude, when we first moved here, me and my buddy Paul, we slept in the ball pit over on Wilshire. Oh, that sounds terrible.

Anytime your buddy would move, it'd make all the noise, all the balls. Yeah, the big move was to get settled. Hey, Paul, quit moving, dude. Get settled, yeah. Yeah. That was the biggest. The hard part was getting settled.

You basically sleep in a float tank. And you would just have to keep moving down to get through all the balls. But it was kind of comfy, though, huh? Oh, it was cozy. The bottom was cozy. The problem is you don't realize how much hair and coins is in there. No, I realize it. And there's bacteria

everywhere because he can't clean those balls no one's spraying the balls down we're made of snotty nose kids just spreading all that shit all over you think it is it's a pool of fucking disease man well it's it's definitely like their own little fucking mick wuhan out there i'll say that and i'll also say this uh that the third night we slept in there dude we would go at night and jump over the fence and fucking sleep in there and then leave early there was an asian guy sleeping on the slide in there oh wow just on the slide yeah we didn't know like we're in there being loud he's like quiet down if you're gonna be in here pipe down hey guys what's up it's such and such from somewhere, California. I have a king of the state for you today. It's using psychedelic mushrooms for anxiety, depression. There's a lot of benefits that could be used for if you microdose it.

And we have our agar plates full of mycelium. Basically, my wife has really, really bad anxiety, so she just microdoses on these mushrooms and gets real trippy. It makes her feel better. No more anxiety, less stress, just easier for her and better for her to live her life. Let me know what you guys think. Love the show. Thank you for having me.

Yeah, but when we take a bunch of mushrooms, maybe the anxiety's gone. She's seeing like gargoyles in the corner and shit. Like, is that her day? No. No, Bernie. You don't know about mushrooms. I don't. Have you done shrooms? Huh?

Have you done shrooms? No. Have you done them? Hmm. He's talking about microdosing. You take like- Small amount. I've heard microdosing, like if you do like Adderallall christian they say uh micro dosing similar but without all the symptoms of adderall yeah how do

you like how would you micro how would you do that i don't know dude dude talk to the don't ask brendan questions first of all don't ask me questions those are his arch nemesis okay drugs are my arch nemesis ask the attic over here about the drugs yeah keloid have you done them before what's your name oh christian sorry have you done them shrooms yeah uh yeah once okay it didn't really have any effect on me like it didn't you take enough no i took a lot i thought like i was gonna see like i thought a couch would be talking to me or some shit everything just seemed uh slow brighter and i just felt like a little happier yeah you get the yawns a little bit with shrooms you get those shroomy yawns i'll say this i did him one time my buddy growing up and he turned into the only chinese kid that ever lived in our town

we had some stout batches dude we used to get them fresh off of the field man oh hot off the manure is that where they get them from underneath manure yeah some of them right yeah like some of the spores i think that there's like a fertilization process that happens with like between manure and um i think something that's already in the ground i know for a lot of like military guys and ufc guys when they do show signs of ct they're recommended microdosing oh it's huge now supposed to help with your brain i see more people that are you'll see people out at night that are on mushrooms and not on anything else and they're normal yeah and there's no and there's no side effects next morning i went the other night with my friend and he was on him and i didn't know what

was going on and then suddenly i was like the faces he was making weren't didn't fit with whatever was going on. Like we're actually at Spades comedy show and he's like this. And I was like, dude, what? What are your face match with what we're looking at? Yeah. And he's like, I'm having a great time. Yeah. And he said that he said he was on mushrooms.

Somebody also had a baby seat at David Spade's show the other night, so that was a little bit weird. I feel like you've done mushrooms, Nick. I really like mushrooms. I've only probably done it 10 to 15 times. That's a lot. For over 15 years. I can hear his PO freaking laughing as he said that.

Recently, I ate some, and my girlfriend's friend's fiance, he makes chocolates and he sells them in bars. But I ate some, and I was watching a UFC fight, and Jules came in the room, and I was just like washing the fight with my hand on my knees like. You were really into it. Damn. You were sweating?

Yeah, and she said I looked like this. Giving corner. She's a meme. Is that Nelly? Yeah. But did you look like like this lady. Giving corner. She's a meme. Is that Nelly? Yeah. But did you look like you had anxiety is the question. You're giving corner advice? Yeah.

But yeah, they're fun. Look, man, I'm all for it. I think there's definitely some great pathways to good things going on out there. There's a company now called compass that's the first um i think they are like a like a it's almost like a marijuana like distillery but for mushrooms that's on the new york stock exchange now so like they're definitely gaining uh traction amongst like regular just if it can help it's a natural product who gives a fuck totally dude especially when you have people on all this other shit people getting people popping opioids somebody's cat ate an opioid the other day and they caught it fucking it jumped in front of a

the l train or something in new york all the shit that's going on like it's good to see like some natural stuff getting uh getting out there i'm all for it man i'd be down for that microdosing yeah i uh if it's legit i don't want to get it from my fucking kyle over there you know i need some legit shit yeah i think there's ways like yeah and i think it's definitely I don't want to get it from my fucking Kyle over there you know I need some legit shit I think there's ways like yeah and I think it's definitely There's ways to use stuff where it's like You're just trying to party and then there's ways to use stuff Where it's like you're trying to figure out things that could help you

You know I used to think micro dosing was tripping with the guy from Dirty Jabs That's awesome I could see that dude I tweeted that once. And how did it go? Not a lot of traction. Didn't go over, huh?

Come for the gang, boss. Stay for the secondhand jokes, huh? That's all right. Secondhand jokes. That should be the name of our whole podcast. And here's a guy right here who's living in his car. What's up, thicky-tee? I'm a fat boy.

It's CJ out from California. When I was younger, I had to get surgery looking for a long-lost testicle. Oh, yeah. Did you go through your nose? Unfortunately, they couldn't find it. So I got that King of the Sting a one nut hitter let me know why does mustache match his eyebrows it looks like he took his eyebrows and moved him to his mustache they're the exact same dude he got that magical look like that uh mr whatever where you drag the man's face around with a little stick. Yeah.

I think it was called Face Ronnie or something. I mean, his eyebrows match his mustache, man. What's that thing called where you make the little, you can make him look Italian or whatever. Yeah, you can move it. Yeah. I forget what the name is. Wooly Willy. Wooly Willy, yeah. We had the cheaper one, too, called Face Ronnie.

Look that one up. And that one was fucking, somebody got stabbed while we looked at it, I remember. Yeah, that's old school, man. Dude, have you guys seen, somebody sent me a link of somebody named, oh man, I can't remember what it was now. Music Link? Oh, Shaub Callen, Shaub, have you seen that? Oh, he's an artist.

Is it? Yeah, we've got that for years. Oh, you have? I thought that. Yeah, he's like, Iub Callen. Shaub. Have you seen that? Oh, he's an artist. Is it? Yeah, we've got that for years. Oh, you have? I thought that. He's like, I guess, a big-time artist. I don't know. His name is Shaub Callen. Yeah, that's cool.

His name is Shaub Callen. That's awesome. It's weird, huh? Okay, what else do we have to do? This guy's got a debate club. Oh, this is obviously me. King in the Sting, what's up? Got a debate club for you.

Helen Keller. Was she real? I think that bitch was lying. Gang gang, buzz buzz. Now this is an increasingly popular conspiracy on the internet. What? That she didn't exist. I can see that. There's't exist or i could see that

there's just no way that could happen but uh it's also a very easily disprovable conspiracy theory because she like wrote a book and she was yeah a person i went to she has a house i actually went by her house it's pretty well documented in connecticut uh and this is probably uh six months ago she has a house where did she live at if you see helen keller wrote an entire fucking book adolescent home i mean alabama no uh yeah to to scumbia alabama but she she died in eastern connecticut that's where i went to eastern connect so I went to her death home. Look, fam, I'll say this. If you're deaf, blind, dumb, mentally handicapped, retarded.

Start a podcast. Yeah. Dude, the best of the people sometimes, and it's nice, but it's definitely wild. Somebody will be like, dude, I'm making a new podcast, man. It's for people that were injured in horse accidents in horse accidents you know love to have you on the fifth episode it's just like bro what hard pass my man dude hey man me and my buddy thomas uh who died actually we're doing a we're doing a podcast on surfing injuries. It's a Ouija board only, man.

It's way intense. We shoot it out of my house. You're welcome to come over. It's any Tuesday. And it's like, what? What time? Whatever time works for you, man. And here's Thomas from Gray Block Pizza.

I'm just joking. But they have similar hair. He's got a debate club yo what's up brennan and theo this is mike from okc see i got the authentic merch on brennan i know you call people out for that uh you know i love watching ufc fake merch fake merch we just did the theo before the show and and then somehow Mark from Iowa had the same shirt you just took off. A lot of stolen valor out there. We should do some stolen valor episodes where people are wearing fake merch. Call them out on the fake shit, man. You know, I love watching the UFC fights, the heavyweight men go at it, but I got a King of the Sting for you guys.

When are we going to see them heavyweight women go at it, huh? I want to know, man. We got to see two 300-pound women duking it out. Okay? Call Donna. Tell them pay them, girls. Tell them they need a whole new weight class, a whole new belt. Okay?

Bigger belt. Okay? Heavyweight women going at it. Call Donna. Tell them. Pay the man. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. Pay the man, Donna.

You know that. I mean, there's just not a market for it you know it's just what you're telling me if we didn't start those fights right now there's not a market well there's a mark raise your hand if you'd watch it in here no we all would okay we all well that's a mark now for you for the king of the sting fight club that we could definitely you know call lizzo up to get partake in that i want to see britney grinder versus uh who else who could she fight um they're struggling to get 145ers uh you get over 145 it's sloppy you think it's sloppy nah there's some hard there's not a lot of big girls chelsea lynn's a pretty she's a thicker gal she She could fight Brittany Griner, I think.

I would definitely like to see her. Chelsea's athletic, too. I think she used to skateboard or something. Some pride days, man. Huh? That's that pride style. Them big boys. Or I'd watch Caitlyn Jenner fight Brittany Griner. That'd be fun.

You really want to see her in the octagon. Yeah, Brittany Griner, she's long and l You really want to see her in the octagon. Yeah, Brittany Griner. She's long and lanky, dog. Is that Joanna, man? Look, everybody has to, y'all, you have to adapt. She's so good. Overcome. Is that Joanna, man?

Huh? Is that Joanna, man? I don't know what her end goals are. But she's a freaking legend, dude. Yeah, she just had her sixth dunk, I think, the other day. I'd love to see you get a shot off against her, Christian. Yeah, dude. I bet you couldn't even nut around her if you freaking had 10 minutes.

I bet you wouldn't even. She would freaking bat every freaking thing you tried away. Everything, dude. You're disgusting. Yeah, you're gross. Sorry, I was talking to myself. Please know that I really was. We got some more cats in the wild.

Oh, this hat either fits or doesn't fucking make your mind up. This thing is aggravating. Someone DM'd me this. Sorry, I don't know who it is, but it was Brendan getting engaged with Brendan. That's definitely whose birthday is it whose birthday is it whose birthday is it it's the same guy big brown and little brown dog dude Big Brown and Little Brown, dog. Oh, dude. Them boys be busting. That's Brown and Amarillo, dude. That is Amarillo Grande y Big Brown.

Them boys got some style, though. I'll give them that, man. Oh, damn. They sure do, son. Yeah, he's got his tippy toes in that picture. J. Crew and the J stands for Yerkin Off. That shit is crazy, bro. And beautiful man

right there, too. Happy holidays to those guys. And then a couple weeks ago we had Theo. He was having a good time at a concert and someone saw him in another concert in Nashville just wilding out. That was good.

Them pants, though, dog. Are those jean coats? Oh, my God. Is that cat's merch? Bro, where's this at? Some Gergington, Tennessee or something. That's Scotland. That guy's on meth, bro.

Look, everybody else is just relaxing. Dude, he's doing the backstroke. Is that Bobby Lee when he relapsed? That definitely looks like him. I can't believe Bobby's brother flew up to Washington to double down. I can't do the show on that hickey. He's trying to double down that hickey, man. Things starting to go away.

He wasn't feeling it. Unbelievable, man. I'm going to go see that little sucker fish up in Washington, man. I know, huh? Flying southwest, man. Went up there to see that little freaking Korean piranha. I told him, I said, oh, you're too good for the greyhound, huh? All right.

Another, people are really getting attached to old beef tongs. We got another one when he was ready for Memorial Day weekend. I got people hitting me up going, you're going down to Belmar this weekend? It's going to rain. Because it's Memorial Day weekend. I'm going to be at DJ's. Rain, snow, sleet, hail, it don't fucking matter.

I'm going to be there pumping my fucking fist like the jerk off I am. It is nothing nobody's gonna do about it all right pumping my fucking fist dude what about your boy popeye from uh the french quarter can you pull him up i couldn't tell if that guy was autistic or italian yeah i think it's called italian okay obviously we just made a new word dude Okay, obviously. We just made a new word, dude. Bro, you got to start an Instagram page for all Italians, dude.

Especially with everybody's autism. I'm from the West Bank. I'm from Marero. I'm from Algiers. I'm from Avondale. I'm from Wagamon. I'm from the West Bank. I roam that. My name Popeye, you heard me?

I'm from the West Bank. You heard me? Hold on. Let me hold it down for the West Bank real quick. Let me show you how we do it. You got the freestyle? Had a little bit of money, so the Lord did me good. Got all kind of shit.

Got the glow sticks. I got the gotcha bag. I got the Hawaiian punch. Everybody want how that pop what you need. I got it. If I ain't got it, I can find it. That's Popeye right there, man. I do need some micro dosing.

Dude, I think he passed away too oh really that's surprising yeah so RIP man they getting all the good ones dude and Long Neck died did he die Long Neck died I thought I heard that I feel like you would know

he knocked up a porn star. Yeah, I put porn star at sex. And also, porn star is a loose term these days. You mean just a whore? A porn actress, all right? Just a whore. Brendan, it's somebody that's doing sex in front of an artist or a camera.

Dude, when I was a was yeah there you go right there oh there she is dog there he did he put that freaking that little hand it's all up on her he put that neck and what do they say a huge congrats in order for social media star damn long neck my boy look at him son. He looks like every character from The Wedding Singer right there. It is awesome. I'm here for this, man. That suit does not fit. And look, he's in love, too, though.

Man, look at her. Look at for him, man. He's still hanging out with that big fat guy who's always funny. That guy died, I think. Ginger Sniffer, whatever his name was. And Wide Neck fought on the card with Lamar Odom. Oh, did he? Did Widenack win?

I don't know what happened. I mean, look. These people are trolls, okay? Let's be honest. We're loving. We do what we can, okay? We're kind of beating around the bush right now. here look here fucking ham clit or whatever your name is dude these people are trolls all right and they are that's where we're at you have trolls

fighting each other you have lamar odom beating the last of the male sexuality out of Aaron Carter. Okay, that's what you have, right? As crypto plunges, okay? That's what you get, people. Oh my God, how did they even? How is this not a freaking hate crime? Aaron actually came out pretty hot. He came out hot, but he got beat up.

But this is so much braver to me. I'll say this, Aaron Carter, what you did is so much braver to me than what Jake Paul did. Because I feel like you are going up against someone that even if you put you guys next

to each other, I mean, this dude is beating the last damn little Vicodin out of your fucking spinal column. This dude is helping you out. Is there highlights of thick or fucking wide neck? What? It's everything. It's wide neck. It's short cock.

It's freaking narrow tits. Whatever. It's everybody. Look, let's do it all. It's time, brother. Who's he fighting? Drew Mourning. He looks like he's getting fucked up.

I think he's from Jason Ellis. Oh, wide neck getting fucked up. Wide neck cannot fight. That neck is absorbing a lot of shock right now. God, this guy's really giving it to him. Neck's got to put his hands up, huh? I bet your neck can take a shot, though, dude, with that wide neck. And it was crazy.

Chuck Liddell was the ref for the Lamar Odom fight. Who's the ref? Hold on. Who is the freaking? Is that guy on? Hold on. What rehab is this guy out of? Go back.

Go back 15 seconds. Watch this referee marching around. What rehab is this guy loose from? What freaking Dutch recovery center did this dude get loose from? Watch this referee move around, man. What Croatian halfway house is this of mice and men

fucking Olympian out of? What is going on here? He looks a little bit like Crow Cobb. I see it. I was going to say that. And you owe me $10 if you announce Crow Cobb again, I get $10. No, he does.

Does he not look like him, Nick? I almost said it. It's like, Brandon, how you doing today? What'd I fight Krokop, dude? I don't even. What'd you have for dinner, dude? Oh, fuck. I remember eating.

My bad. My bad. I referenced the guy who's ranked number one in the world. I'm sorry, Teal. Let's talk about you relapsing again, man. Was he really number one? Yeah. Oh. He's number one fighter in the world at the time.

In what conference? Pride. Was he really? Yeah. He's a motherfucker. Let's go to Greyhound Twitter, Nick. Did Greyhound be posting? Oh yeah, they got some good shit. This shit is hype. Anything you guys can do for us?

We're on our way from Albany, New York City, and we're just on the side of the road with a broken bus without any announcement from the driver. There's four people. Let's see these people out here. I love this. I love how they make them stand separate from each other. Social distancing.

Social distancing, dude. But then they get back on a loaded bus yeah and the one girl has a cigarette freaking orangey over there she got that freaking cigarette what does this thing say what does that say please wear a mask and the driver won't tell him anything bitch i'm on greyhound go is the least of my problems if the driver is nowhere to be found which lord of the flies leader told him stay six feet apart from each other? I don't know. All right, everybody. Let's keep our distance out here in nature.

I think it was Dark Cartman over there freaking dropped some knowledge on him. Okay, back up, okay? Do you have any employees that work at this company? I've been waiting for a package for over one month. Every phone you have listed is disconnected or nobody answers. Hey, it's been since April 24th since I saw my package. 30 plus phone calls, 10 emails, literally zero help or progress. I've been stonewalled the entire time.

Stonewalled. I love how Graham Buss is like, our bad man. Here's the number. Try calling this. He's like, bitch, that's the number I've been calling. My mom sent a package to me on May 24th. The package never arrived. I was told the agent never sent the tracking.

When I try to track, there's no information, not even a scan. I went to the station. They just told me it's not there. Yeah. I just bought a ticket from the Mexican Greyhound site. God damn it, Brandon. And this is Brandon Truong, dude, who easily could be your son, dude. Greyparo.com.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, you can't buy anything from Mexican Greyhound. I want a refund. Here, go down a little bit more. Here's Lee Hong And I'm not going to say that in that last name Because I don't want to get in trouble No I'm not

Hard pass Okay Had the absolute worst experience at Greyhound On Monday me and my friend booked a bus ride From New Orleans, Louisiana, Rochester, New York About five transfers scheduled The second transfer The second transfer was from Memphis new orleans louisiana rochester new york about five transfers scheduled the second transferred the second transfer was from memphis there were over 100 only 45 you guys means covid no worry

uh and this guy goes damn i read this remind me how lucky i am some dudes in the gym just getting pumped by reading these this ain't my life hell yeah man i'm doing better than these people at least dude i've been on graham man i went when i was young so much man it was always a dude on there trying to show you his dick or leave a note or massage your feet like meet me in the bathroom at the when we stop for gas yo bro i get your first seven notes it's not happening give up bro and then we would get off the bus and be like hey you get my note and be like yeah i got your fucking note a young man in the second to last row of the seats on the driver's side is taking a puff of a cigarette every few minutes

no shit yeah dude you're on greyhound're like, it's not fucking crack. Yeah, dude. You're lucky he isn't back there fucking lighting his own body parts on fire. You're lucky the bus isn't on fire, motherfucker. He's just trying to get a little cig. Dude, the best is their package shipping. They have a shipping service, apparently. It sounds awful. Bro, everybody's package is missing.

They literally just steal your packages, dude. Greyhound's like, what, bro? Yeah. And you go, bro, they don't care. Is that you to Greyhound? Oh, yeah. I stay on these people. I'm woke.

You're the one that said, this makes me realize how good my life is. Yeah, go back to the voicemail one. This is a good one right here. So this lady said, there were no agents or workers at this point in the night, and me and my friend were extremely worried for our safety uh while we were on the first transfer a man was fondling himself across from my friend basically she was sexually harassed and we were told by the driver they could do nothing about it and we needed to exit the bus fuck dude and while and while we were straining to memphis two sketchy guys entered the terminal station and tried to lure me and my friend into their car for food.

At one point, one of them was basically begging my female friend to leave the terminal and go outside with him alone. And then she labeled the recording kidnappers from Tennessee. And what's the recording? Her complaining? It's two guys trying to lure them outside. She added their contact. He's like, hey, mama, let me, what you got in them shorts? It's the shit like that.

Bro, Greyhound sounds like a nightmare. They're pretty hard to sleep. It's all that hair over there. I can lay down in the beach. Bro, Graham sounds like a nightmare. Pretty hair asleep. Saw that hair over there. I can lay down in the beach. Try my fun on the beach. I'm putting my little boot over there with you. Got my little nice little American Eagle drawers on. American Eagle drawers on.

They Jewish? I like them. No, I mean, they're Jewish. They come out by yourself. We're talking. Yeah, Harlem Jewish. Yeah, desert chocolate, brother. We're going.

He said, I got my American Eagle Draws on, girl. He goes, you got them little American Eagle Draws on, girl. The best. Lure them into their car for some food i mean i love how we're spending all this money on sex trafficking and it's basically just shut down greyhound everyone's all good man dude you can't unbelievable some guys jerking off in the seat and they made them get off the bus you're gonna have to get off and you're gonna do shit about it yeah like oh you got a problem with people jerking off in the seat, and they made them get off the bus. You're going to have to get off, and you're going to do shit about it. Like, oh, you got a problem with people jerking off on the coach?

Oh, I'm sorry. You have a problem with our friend over there jacking off in front of you? Yeah. God damn. What's wrong with you guys? Y'all are racist. We're going to have to ask you to get off the bus. Fuck Graham, man.

Is that it? That's it Dope dope dope Damn I'm gonna start doing spots in LA Now that this bitch is open July 16th 17th I'm at Ha Ha's

Meeting some friends at Ha Ha's Comedy Club That's in Los Angeles California And then the big one San Antonio September 26th And 27th San antonio at&t theater

baby gang man um i got some new dates that are up we just put an extra cincinnati show up uh we put an extra durham show up an extra chattanooga and knoxville uh and we still got uh an extra minneapolis show we added portland maine and burlington vermont and we also added a charleston and uh and an albany and a columbus so all those are up at theovan.com slash tour and make sure to go get tickets there because the other sites people fake them man it's like them are they upcharging me i'm the upcharge yeah wherever you get any tickets for any comedy shows make sure it's through the comedian's website because that's legit yeah no upcharges yeah because otherwise when people hear me i'm

like dude i just paid 900 for a ticket i'm like you're an idiot dude i paid 900 now i'm on a greyhound head to albany new york yeah some guy's jacking off man is this the vip ticket things are looking up someone just offered me food in their car the last we hear from a lot of people man stay off them greyhounds man stay off them greyhounds baby you guys be good. Gang, gang. Seein' red like Andrew Santino Every song a hit like the great Bambino Brennan ate the queso and the quesoritos But everything's gonna be fine Hate on me, I do not mind Theo lookin' like the type of dude that got a pack of matches in his pockets at all times

They slide into my DMs A couple of you tried but couldn't beat em Quit playin' like Nintendo DS You don't want to smoke like Joey Diaz Meanin' y'all edible Just got my eyebrows threaded and I'm feeling incredible. Brennan's son hit me up. He said it's too loud in the club.

Can you pick me up? King and the sting. King and the sting. King and the sting. Bee sting. Rat king. King and the sting. King and the sting.

Got the bees in a trap. Got the cheese on a string. King and the sting. King and the sting, got the bees in a trap, got the cheese on a string, king and the sting, king and the sting, king and the sting, bee sting rat king, king and the sting, king and the sting, got the bees

in a trap, got the cheese on a string