The Golden Hour - Episode 140: Thirsty For Thirsty

Episode Date: September 24, 2021

Bryan Callen, Erik Griffin, Theo and Brendan talk Bryan's oddly long head, Michael Jordan's Hitler stache, things that make them cry, celebrity first pitches, moments the guys bitched out of something and much more! Get your King and the Sting merch at katsmerch.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Call 1-800-GAMBLER or in Virginia, 888-532-3500. Because I got one for you. Got it. I was in New York one time. It's late. I'm walking down the street. Give me some context. How long ago?

This might be like a couple years ago. Oh, so you're a grown man. I'm a grown man. If somebody yelled the N-word at you, bro, I'm going to come out and say, honestly, that could have been me, dude. What year was it? Back off my broccolini. Get your life together. It is.

Don't touch me, bro. I'm not touching you, dude. Ryan's head looks so weird with those headphones on it. Yeah, it does. You don't got a headphone head. Why? Because I got a long head. Yeah.

You have a head like a rugby ball. I don't have a good head for hats or headphones. Yeah. I was just like, ooh. It's long. Yeah. Yeah, it's like really long. I got a long head and it's long this way, so I actually take a much larger hat than

you would imagine. Yeah, it doesn't look like you would take a long hat. I got a long hat. So's long this way, so I actually take a much larger hat than you would imagine. Yeah, it doesn't look like you would take a long hat. I got a long hat. So you're not wide, but you're wide this way. Seven and five-eighths? Are you an eight, you think? Big hat. Whatever you take, I'm sure I take.

Oh, no. No, no. You're bigger than me. No, I have a small, like I have a small. Right. I'm like the monsters from Mario Bros, actually. Yeah, yeah. You know, the guys with small heads.

You got a small head. Just up here. It's fat down here. So I wear seven and one-fourth. I can fit a seven and three. The guys with small heads. You got a small head. Just up here. It's fat down here. So I wear 7 1 4. I can fit a 7 3 8 stew. My head goes long that way. You're an 8 long. The comedy section.

It's like a baby. Is it back here? Yeah, it's the tail. They go, you got a tail. Yeah, that's my head right there. That's your head. You have such good references for shit. How the fuck do you remember those things?

I was 91, I think. I don't know. I love that movie. Yeah, your head's like the guy from Mask. One time on Mad TV, you had to pitch your own characters, and this was my idea for a character. I come into them, and I go like this. I go, I have an idea for a character.

I just want my ears to be a little higher just right here. That'd be funny. I know. And they're like, that's funny. I go,

what's the catch? I go, that's it. I just want, don't bring any attention. Yeah, I just want my ears to be a little higher.

Like a mouse, but a human. Yep. And people can't figure out what's wrong with me, but they can't like, you know, and I'm just the guy.

And then when you leave, they talk behind your back. Right. Like, is something off on you? Yes. You can't put it on it? Yes.

Yeah, that'd be great. And then they decided that it would be behind your back. Right. Like, is something off on you? Yes. You can't put it on it? Yeah, that'd be great. And then they decided that it would be way too hard for the makeup people. Oh, come on. I know. But I always thought that would be a funny sketch. That was the main thing on the character, though? You just had big ears? No, my ears are just a little high.

Like a mouse. They're right there. Like a mouse, but a human. And you wouldn't know. You'd be like, his ears are... This is up with that guy. Yeah, yeah. And they can't put their finger on it?

Like, I don't know what it is. Well, you know, they do that with where they'll part your hair. So apparently your hair can part this way. When they part some people's hair the other way, they look like assholes. It goes against their face. So people don't have a positive reaction to you. People go, I don't like that guy. There's only one way to find out though.

Unless your stylist knows what the fuck's up. Part? There's only one way to find out though. Unless your stylist knows what the fuck's up. Part it the wrong way. And I've done that. And I look like a shithead. You don't even have enough hair up top. You just be lucky you're in the seat. This way I look like a Hitler sympathizer. This way I look like... See, but you don't even have long

enough to go Hitler. No, I keep it tight. You know, I took Tiger to get his haircut last night because he had school pictures today. I told the guy, dude, don't make it so tight and high on the side. He Hitler'd him? He had to. Every time you tell him not to. Did I ask for the Hitler, bro? Talk about retiring a hairstyle and mustache style

for like ever. You can't wear that. Name somebody that rocks that mustache. Well, Michael Jordan in the Hanes commercial. That's just because his lip is weird. He has no upper lip. That's just bad makeup. But it wasn't this short.

Yeah, it was. Bring that shit up, champ. Michael Jordan was the only guy who said, ah, fuck it. You mean the greatest of all time rocked the Hitler? I'm bringing the Adolf back. I'm black, so nobody can call me a Nazi. They both had that asshole energy, though. And is that a name that has been retired to?

Hitler? Yeah. Well, hold on. Maybe is there a Hitler? has been retired to? Hitler? Yeah. Well, hold on. They don't put the last. Maybe. Is there a Hitler? Your last name is Hitler? What do you do?

That's Hitler. It can't be. Oh, that's Hitler. Yeah, I'll give you that. You're right. Just straight up Hitler. Great reference, Brian. Oh, you know what?

He messed up. That's just a bad. Yeah. Yeah, he just shaved too much. His side fucked up, and then he was a guy that accomplished it. Because you know what? He still has a little hair. I think that's doctored, too.

I think they did that on purpose to make him look. I don't know, man. No, no, no still has a little hair. I think that's doctored, too. I think they did that on purpose to make him look. I don't know, man. No, no, no. He was rocking that. He's such a beast that he came out the Hitler and everyone's too scared to tell him. Nobody says shit. I'm like, dude, that looks sick. I might be the first person to ever say this.

Like, he's so untouchable. The phone rings. You know, it's like. Everyone else is too cool. He's so untouchable. Did you see him in that, what was the series he did? The last dance? The Last Dance? The Last Dance, yeah.

See how red his eyes were, though? Why were his eyes so fucking red? That's a thing. He probably was smoking weed, or he had too many cigars. Cigars can do that to you, too. They were like a yellow-red, though. I guess there were doctors and scientists saying how his eyes are alarming how yellow. Look at that.

Yeah, because that can be jaundice, hepatitis. That can be a lot of things with your liver. That can be a problem with your liver. Or you're a lizard person underneath. Or you're an alien. That'd be terrible to find out. There's that. That he's not real.

Yeah, that he was just like an alien the whole time. It would be heartbreaking. It would be like, oh, man, that makes sense. Then you start to go, who else is a lizard? You know what I mean? It'd be Barry Sanders was a lizard. He's the only man who can cry without covering his face. Look at that shit.

Well, it looks like he got maced. It looks like he got pepper sprayed. It does. He's crying over Kobe there, I think. No, there he's crying at his Hall of Fame speech. He cries a lot now. That's his thing. Well, he and Tom Brady.

You can make Tom Brady, watch this. All you have to do with Tom Brady is go, tell me about your dad. He'll go. She's my hero. There's certain triggers. There's certain triggers, I think, for every man. For me, it's with my kids. Anything about, like, if it's mother and son, any kind of thing, Niagara Falls.

I'm done. Is that right? Yeah. There's like a movie, and there's like a touching mother-son scene. I'm out. Every time I watch Joe Coy yeah no every time i watch joe coy salute his mom and start to cry yeah yeah i get emotional time do you mean the sam adams commercial yes like i wonder if like every time i mean every time i see that uh what do you say no because we shot the same commercial and none of it's playing

they don't know was that you were in the commercial yeah it's for Sam Adams beer and so it was me CEO I think Ari and then Joe Coy and the thing was is like you have to someone that you toast to someone that like kind of made your career whatever Oh because Theo has no friends he toasted to the crowd which makes sense Joe Rogan must be furious. Yeah. Well, and then, and then Joe Coy, Ari toasted to Red Band, I think. Yeah.

And then I toasted to Brian. Oh. But he didn't know. And then Joe Coy toasted his mom, but they, like, they didn't know what they're signing up for. Right.

I was like, hey, just come, just come here. We're shooting here. It's pretty cool. Yeah, it's cool.

Oh, that's nice. Yeah. How come I didn't see those other ones? I only remember the Joe Coy one. This one is very emotional, man. He loves his mom. Oh, you know what?

I'm so proud of you. See, you started this. This is different. This is why I've been able to do this. Thank you for everything you sacrificed. I need these books. This is for you. Oh, God. I love you.

You're saying father. I mean, mother. This is me. This is me, right? Yeah. See, I get emotional. Tell me, too. This will get you. This will for you. Oh, God. I love you. You're saying father. I mean, mother. This is me. This is me right here. Yeah. See, I get emotional. Tell me, too. This will get you.

This will get me. You know, he's dating Chelsea Handler now. Who? They confirmed it. Is that true? I didn't mean to ruin the moment. What? Yeah.

Confirmed. Can we talk about this? Talk about a couple you would never see getting together. They know each other so well because we're on a show forever. Yeah. Yeah. He should actually toast her you know i used to i used to do that show a lot oh i know remember back in the day and i decided one day i was like it was you joke yeah i'm friends with chelsea did

it yeah whoever did it they they launched into like a career that you just go how did this happen it was like the Tonight Show. Yeah, man. It was crazy. See, I was always friends with Chelsea. Brian just derailed for whatever reason. Yeah. No, I was always friends with Chelsea.

I loved her, and I did the pilot of that. I did the test pilot. Beast is the operative word to go on. And then I started doing it a lot, and I watched myself, and I saw it was all gossip, and it was going bad on celebrities and I just decided I was like I don't want to do this anymore it doesn't make me feel good

I didn't feel funny and I didn't feel good and even Chelsea one time the last time I did it she goes you seem kind of reserved you know I just don't like roasting people when they can't defend themselves especially saying mean things so I just stopped doing it. I think that was a bad career choice. Yeah it probably was it definitely was. He's like Brian Dunkelman from American Idol.

Yeah. He's the other host. You know what? I don't like this. The show's lame, and Brian Seacrest's like, cool, I'll take it from here. Yeah, I got it. Now he's like $30 million a year later. Dunkelman's in like a two-bedroom condo in Reseda.

I've made a lot of those decisions. No, he's part of the Thick Boy Network now. He's on podcasts. Buzz, buzz, fights, fights. UFC 266 is here. And DraftKings Sportsbook, the official sports betting partner of the UFC, has quite the heavyweight offer for you guys this weekend with a special odds boost for all the viewers and listeners,

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Visit seed.com slash K-A-T-S. Use the code cats to redeem the 20% off your first month of Seeds Daily Symbiotic. That's seeds.com slash K-A-T-S and use the code cats. Can Mr. Theo Von Heeres? Hey, guys, can you hear me? Oh, yeah. Ba-ba-ba-ba. Ba-ba-ba-ba. Ba-ba-ba-ba.

Rat King in the house. Sting this zoo call. Rat King in the house. The Rat King in the house. Here we go. Rat King in the house. One time. Let's go, huh?

I'm glad we got the senior citizen section in here with us today. Hey, hey, man. We're trying to give back to the old folks, you know? You're acting like he's 31. Well, I'm just saying. We got trying to give back to the old folks. He acting like he's 31. I'm just saying. We got that celiac section here. I know. We act like Stevie's not 50.

Yeah. Man, aren't you in your 40s? Nah, baby. I'm 39, baby. You know what I'm saying? Someone asked me on one of my shows how old Theo is. I'm like, he might be 24. He might be 54.

He doesn't age. I'm in middle school, baby. Let's go. I was riding my bike tonight and this guy kept going, I'm downstairs. I'm downstairs. He kept going, buzz, buzz. I'm downstairs. I'm like, what the fuck is this guy talking

about? And he pulls up and goes, I'm downstairs, baby. But I get it because Theo on his instagram posted video going i'm upstairs when he caught the fish oh this guy was on a little motorcycle that's really low oh yeah so he kept going i'm downstairs theo i had no idea you were such an outdoorsman oh low riders yeah man well i'm a lot of it i'm still learning man i just got a knife the other day a pretty decent knife good sheath? Was it a sheath knife or just a folding blade? It's more of an indoor knife.

I'd say dinner and maybe a heavy dessert. Oh, like an Outback steakhouse. Was it a fixed blade knife? Was it a fixed blade or could you fold it into the handle? Butterfly knife? No, he got a cake knife. You know what I mean? Like at a wedding.

Yeah, it's more like a coffee cake. I would say heavy dessert i would say marzipan and up so you can stab and spread oh you could now yeah if you want to make a freaking damn creme brulee out of a burglar you could do that with it i think okay you still out there killing fish deal what are you doing dog no what am i doing a buddy of mine took me to this breath work thing but it was a damn uh lamaze we ended up at a damn lamaze class trying to do a god you know we're trying to do like a breathing seminar have you guys ever done that brian that wim hof

that wim hof shit yeah this was more like uh yeah yeah i did that i did they do it in uh cold water i did that but then and then i listened to these four men who dedicated their lives to meditation right like they're called contemplative athletes right never mind that the two of them teach mindfulness and buddhism in a big university anyway long story short they've been doing it for 30 years each you know and they're all they're all they're all like and here's the problem i was like what's the problem they said the minute you stop, you go back to real life and all the shit you think you're going to be able to hit, it doesn't necessarily make you zen all the time.

We just fucked up three weeks of hard work in therapy. I'm sorry, buddy. But you're saying this is all like a distraction. Hey, Theo, what did you get from the breath class oh man i had some real breakthroughs man uh it's good there's this girl named blair sochi that teaches it she's a young comedian uh and she teaches it over the thing your arms get all locked up like a little lobster yeah and uh all all your feelings come out, dude. I mean, you'll damn. You start crying.

Good God. You start crying in that deal. Dude, you'll have a twin sister you never met climb out of your throat, but I got some intense shit happening. I worked with breathing guys. I got these Navy SEAL guys. Yeah. Like, they teach the Navy SEALs that when I was fighting,

I got it. It's supposed to help you, like, get in the zone. Combat breathing or some shit? Yeah, it's a beast. Does it help? Yeah, I still do it to this day before I yeah before I go on stage it helps yeah I've also seen you have Fritos before you go on stage so I think you're obviously using a couple different tactics Fritos are good whiskey do a little whiskey before you go on stage whiskey Fritos and breathing yeah oh no he's blind no there's a fly. Shit. Sorry, man. Get your knife out. He's like a man frog.

No, there's a... Wasp? No, no. Smaller than that. A gnat. Fly. Gnat. Mosquito.

Gnat, gnat, gnat. Yeah, I don't want to use a racial slur, gnat. Yeah, there's a gnat in here, dude. You know what I'm talking about. Theo, I want to know what you spend the bulk of your day thinking about. I would probably say, that's a good question, dude. Usually, it used to be dinner. Okay.

And then it's gotten out of hand since then. That was probably 2008. And since then, shit's kind of spiraled out of control. Remember when you thought about dinner? You were like, dude, what's going to happen? What are we going to have? What are we going to drink with it? How's it going to end? When am I going to do my last bite?

Eat fast, eat slow. Who am I going to look at? You got real problems. Yeah. And then they start just bulking up the frickin, you know, things get busier. You got this. You got that dude and now you barely even feel like eating and it's just the food could have poison in it biden could be

poisoning all this shit yep okay so let me ask you this if i do you think your life would change and what would you do with 20 million dollars because you got a lot of money now i do not have a lot of money now all right there's a myth all of money now. All right. That is a myth. Let's put it this way. I give you $100 million, meaning you're set. You don't have to worry. $100 million in the bank. Yeah, you don't have to work.

You don't have to work for money at all. What happens to you in that week and that year? The week gets dicey. The week gets, I would say. Celebration. Celebration. I would take a bag full of purity tests down to Colombia. Yep.

Okay. Yep. Yep. Good stuff. Clean coke. I call that clean blow. Oh, dude. Yeah.

And I would definitely. Fentanyl free coke. God bless. The good stuff. I think Theo will be like, there'll be like a 30 for 30 how he lost the $100 million. Yeah, going broke. You know what I mean? 30 for Theo.

30 for Theo. Yeah, he had to open a bar in Reseda. 30 for Theo. 30 for Theo. Yeah, 30 for Theo. It ends with him and Kid Rock on jet skis. Yeah. Dude, they should have a Thirsty for Thirsty,

and it's just half these thoughts out there in L.A. This week, Diane. I actually like that show. That sounds like a good show. Thirsty for Thirsty is lit. You got some of the fucking OnlyFan models on there. Oh, yeah. How much they make, how they put it all together.

Damn. That's a good idea, Theo. Wow. It would be pretty fun. But you know what I would do? I think I would want to take on, I think honestly I might go back to school, man. I think I'd go back to school for like a writing school

or I would enlist in the military. I think I would do something where I could just take on a- Yeah, those days. If I have $100 million, I'm not joining the military. Because like day one when they're like, give me 20, I'm out. i'm a million who you yelling at it's 20 i'm the fuck out of here so you give them 20 bucks at that point baby you go to school though and study writing school you could do you could do that military you're too old military too old but you don't need to have

a hundred million dollars for you to go to school. You could do that right now. They got online universities. Nicki Minaj was taking classes at Harvard online. I take classes. I take classes. That sounds questionable. I mean, Brendan, you have to think about sentences before you say them. You can't just be saying sentences. You could do it, though, man. You both got an ass.

Yeah, NBA players do that, too. They still go to school. They're like, oh, I got a degree from fucking Harvard. NBA player, that one dude has done it. I don't know. There's plenty of guys. I think Shaq finished school. Online?

Whatever he did. I think NBA is a part-time job. They work for six months. They can go to school. Many, many athletes have done it. I don't know all of them off the top of my head, but many of them, they do it. J.R. Smith just did it. Didn't he just go back? I'm just saying. Oh, he did. To join the golf team my head, but many of them, they do it. J.R. Smith just did it. Didn't he just go back?

I'm just saying. Oh, he did it to join the golf team, though, too. He's on the golf team. Yeah. He's hilarious. He's hilarious. If you go to the NBA, you're going to make $20 million, whatever the money you're going to make.

Guaranteed, too. If you're going to make this guaranteed money, it don't mean that you don't have to go to school. That's a myth. They think when you work, you can never go to school again. No. They're just like, you know, that'd be cool.

I'm with Dio on that. Make 100 mil, go back. I would probably use my degree. I would use my college degree, I think. Yeah. Would you live in Nashville

or Los Angeles? Where would you live? He'd move back. Keep the same path, back and forth. It's more, I like here, it's definitely more peaceful here.

It's easy. Like this past weekend, I drove to my shows. Shout out. Dude, it was nice. I could sleep in the in the van if i got tired i wasn't like on a plane where you can't really sleep and you're yeah just seeing if people are fighting behind you you're just on the side of a road sleeping i was gonna say trying to get not napping while maniacs stopping in kentucky are you kidding me that That's not how people die, man. They just drive by and just,

we find an orthotic. We find an orthotic in the woods too, dude, right by the interstate. What's an orthotic? Appended. You know what I'm saying? Arm, leg. Orthopedic, right?

Orthotic. Yeah. Orthotic. Orthotic. Orthotic. Okay. But I would use my degree, man. I'm an urban planner, man.

And I'd never have gotten to put my degree to use. And I would use my degree, man. I'm an urban planner, man, and I've never gotten to put my degree to use, and I would probably use that, honestly, if I had unlimited money. All right. Theo threw out the first pitch at the Cardinals game. How'd you throw? Recently? Yeah, two days ago. Did you for the St. Louis Cardinals?

Can I see that? Yeah, St. Louis Cardinals, man. We did well. Did you bring it up? A little outside. Did you practice, Theo? I did. I stopped and practiced a couple different places, and I thought it was good, man. Did you bring it up? A little outside, but did you practice still? I did. I stopped and practiced a couple of different places and I thought it was

good, man. Were you able to get up from the mound or did they scoot you closer? Like you're fucking from the women's tees, dude, from the fricking menstrual mound. No way, dude.

I did from the male area, full mound or Nolan Ryan. I'm sorry. Or trans area. Menstrual mound. He said, I did for them at Kevin Bay's place, I was pitching from a real mound. It's a long way.

Let me see you practice that shit. Got that lewd out brim piece on, son. Let's go. There we go. The jersey's fired. Look at this. Do I go out there? They said Rat King?

Yeah, that's awesome. The Rat King. He did it. Oh. He threw a strike. That's a good throw. That's a good strike. Bro, if he wanted to go viral, he should have fucking threw it the other way, man. Like 50 Cent. Oh. He threw a strike. That's a good throw. That's a good strike.

Bro, if he wanted to go viral, he should have fucking threw it the other way, man, like 50 Cent. I thought about it. Look, I watched a lot of – Mark Wahlberg has one of the worst pitches ever. Dr. Fauci, the guy who is leading something, he also has – Some of those guys are the worst. Who else? Fauci threw a ball? Yeah. How bad does Fauci want to be famous?

Yeah. What do you mean how bad? He's famous. Well, that's his goal. No, but I mean he's already famous. Nah, he got famous the pandemic. Look at him. He's wearing a mask.

That's what I'm saying. Even in the field, he's wearing a mask. Yeah, he kind of has to. I guess he has. That's his look. That's like me wearing a thick boy shirt. There he is. Look at him.

He's 80-something. He's in shape. He's a big dog. Yeah, me wearing a thick boy shirt. There he is. He's 80-something. He's in shape. God, dog. Yeah, he's got a bad shoulder. You should have went like this. I just got my shot. That's what you did. Johnson and Johnson. My fucking shoulder hurts. Hey, he's 80 years old and he still runs every day. He's in some

shape. Well, he's a doctor. 50 Cent was probably the worst. Someone else did a real shit. He just threw it over to the fucking dugout. It was kind of tough because it's so far away. Theo was the best one I've seen. I was a celebrity. Yes, that was good.

White on celebrity, but still. Judd Apatow. Judd Apatow. Oh, my God. Let me see that. His was the biggest soy boy throw in the world. Look at Theo. Shout out to Stevie.

Yeah, Stevie. That's one of Stevie's conks. Yeah, Joe Dutt tells us bad. Let me see. Let me see. I haven't seen this. Man, he is not. Was it like his comedy special?

Timestamp. Worse. I didn't see it. And make sure we play it twice, please. Make sure we play it twice. The fact that they let that guy get up is unbelievable. I have not. Look at his dad bod.

Did he look more like a goober in this jersey and those shorts? Man, I want to throw a ball right now. Oh, my God. what was that little flick he pinned his elbow here and went it's not a shot put what the fuck are you doing ah dude dude he threw that thing away like a good joke dude so embarrassing they catch you like well you do great wallberg had a bad one wallberg had i didn't know that yeah wallberg's athletic too you really did your research before he went out there i think people don't realize like you gotta practice yeah you throw it a few times these are professional athletes even though like you look at baseball and you go this doesn't

look like a a real thing like something that takes. Even though you look at baseball and you go, this doesn't look like a real thing, like something that takes athleticism, but it's pretty. If you haven't thrown, but I kind of grew up throwing a baseball a lot, so you can kind of throw it. Yeah, so did I. When's the last time you threw for a long time? Yeah, exactly. You've got to practice.

You do. You go practice. You went to the mound and practice. That's why he threw well. The first time I did it at Kevin's, I was like, damn, this is way harder. Yeah. I hit the ground. And the's like up like this yeah the perch a little bit i hit the ground i was like oh shit i'm upstairs that's what it is when you're still in that baseball was that no online no how dare you yeah it was no it's not who was that oh that

was that was 50 cents let me see this yeah this is so bad. No, Ryan. Who's that? Texas. Oh, okay. Let me spit through those. I was trying to find Mark Wahlberg. We'll watch 50s. Yeah. 50s is tough, man.

We expected 50s. This is like Chappelle Lacey playing basketball. Damn. I assumed he was good, and then he's the worst you've ever seen. Why'd you assume that? You know. You know. Hey, you know you know hey you know who else had a rough one i can't there was some other rough ones it's a tough i think maybe the

nerves it was nice out there the interesting thing was just how beautiful the uh field is man there's like a guy with a damn manscaped thing out there just manscaped on the edge of the deal that lawnmower 4.0 just manscaping the edge of the deal. That Lawnmower 4.0, just manscaping the side of it. Are they a sponsor? Sometimes. I don't know, but it was impressive. That's why I'm so clean down there. What's been going on, Brian?

I haven't seen you in a while. I miss you, buddy. Thanks for that message. He sent me the nice message. He goes, hey, man, I met this girl who just loves you, man, thinks you're great. Just want to let you know how people out there love you. My biggest compliment about you about you brian honestly is you're one of the few people very few handful not even a full handful of comic comedic persons that i don't mind is still on off stage oh yeah he's always you know what i'm saying but i'm saying i've seen his act it's not an annoying arm. No, no.

It's like- It's also Brian. It's the right, exactly. But you go to dinner with him, I'll just be like, all right, I don't have to talk. I'll go, turn Brian on. Yeah, I'm good for the night. Yeah, you're good. But that's just-

All over the apps, Brian, you take it from here. Well, that's because I got you as an audience. Like, if I have my friends there, my goal is to crack my friends up. So now I'm just going to be a fucking idiot. But even if you don't know him it's on yeah and if you bore if i'm bored i'm going to do something to get on board right quick so that's a lot of times we would be out and i just be like if we were certain people like that one girl i made you laugh so hard she was like my dog my dog has a bad heart and i was just like dog's got a bum ticker and could die at any time. And I just kept being insensitive.

I couldn't stop laughing. But if I have that, if I have somebody who's going to be laughing, like Rogan. You're trying to make your friends laugh as opposed to like a lot of comics are trying to be the funniest person in the room. There's a difference. Oh, yeah.

No, I'm trying to make. Yeah, yeah. It's organic. You don't have to try to. It's very few. I appreciate that. It's very nice of you to compliment. I very nice you know compliment i appreciate that like with rogan when we would hunt we'd both be miserable and i get fucking bored sitting around waiting for a fucking turkey to show up and i start getting mad because it's my life and i'm sitting there with a fucking mask

with leaves on it because turkeys get scared of you and and that's it's called wasting time it's wasting time and then rich people. And then don't, don't do this to me. Don't go like this. Don't go, we can't make any noise. If you do that now,

I got to scream. I'm fucking gay. Which is what I did. I think, I think four men dress up like turkeys come out. Yeah. Literally. I think Rogan is Rogan's missing.

You'll see two 66. He's hunting, right? Yeah. No way Rogan's missing UFC 266. He's hunting, right? Yeah. No way. Which one is that? Is that Chandler? No, it's Nick Diaz, Robbie Lawler, Brian Ortega, Hulk Lansky.

It's this Saturday. Damn. What if we find out secretly Rogan is one of some secret society where they hunt human beings? Oh. How does Rogan die, do you think, man, if you guys had to forecast it? I don't think he dies. I think he meshes with machines.

Yeah. I think they download his brain. Like RoboCop. Yeah, like RoboCop. He's all about technology. He's already taken it. But he wouldn't be RoboCop. He'd still be doing podcasts.

Yeah. Robo podcast. He's already taken all that stuff that David Sinclair recommends. Yeah, how live all of it? Dude, what if one of his arms turns into a freaking this? He's already taken all that stuff that David Sinclair recommends. What if one of his arms turns into a freaking this? So you can just do it from wherever you want? Yeah. Yep.

That's so stupid. He likes technology. He's all about, even if it's new science, he's like, bring it my way. I always read about these things. They're saying that's the next phase. Bring it my way. But that's the, I always read about these things that this is,

they're saying that's the next phase, that next evolution of humanity is going to be cybernetics. I thought it was downloading your consciousness. No, that's way in the future. Right now, right now it's meshing with like synthetic biology. Would you want that though?

You brought that up. Can we ask, can I ask everybody? Download your consciousness. Do you want to like, you know, you're in a car accident and then you wake up and you're in a machine? No.

Man. Part of being human is knowing you're limited. It would hurt. If you had to read all your consciousness at one point and you read it, print it out, it would be, I feel like it would be so painful to you. Or it might be helpful. You might like see like all these patterns of like weird stuff or troubled spots and just be able to just but if it's in some kind of like virtual world if it was if it was set up that like how we envision it you know like you're in like you know grant you could be in grand theft

auto game yeah i mean part of it's like past part of like the beauty of life is there's a clock on shit like you're limited, man. Yeah, because imagine your wife dies or something. And now she's in the machine, so now I can't get other chicks. She's talking shit. She's still going, where are you going? It's like, let me turn this bitch off. I'll just turn off.

Shut up, bitch. You know what I mean? You've got to get turned off. It's not going to be like that. What are you talking about? Time is a motherfucker like i'm looking at this robbie lawler nick diaz thing and i love those both those guys but time is time and time even with the the strongest and the brightest and the best will well for athletes though yeah it's different shelf life well i don't like the fact that if people are living longer, but at 80, do you want to live to 150?

Dr. Fauci right now is 80. He's still running and stuff, but the man can't throw a ball. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. If he gets to 120, what is that existence? It depends on what you're trying to do. But what's that existence, though? If you've got a great book inside you, you've got a great one hour inside of you maybe maybe right if the business was still doing the goddamn thing yeah

i know but i mean weird reference yeah but it's true if the if the job is self-expression like don rickles was still fucking murdering crowds at right before he died like a minute before he died right so you know it depends on what you it depends on what's keeping you alive. We're talking about people who are like 80, 90. And what I'm saying is you're already like, what existence that is. Imagine now people are starting to live longer, but we're not staying younger longer. Right. No, we're just prolonging the life.

So I'm saying like, so we're going to have old folks home with people who are 130 years old and they can't even move and stuff. Yeah, they'd be lit. I think it's different when we have kids, Eric. Like, I want to be around as long as I can. Hey, that's why, dude, I'm working on health because that's my next goal. That's a really good point. Watching your kids grow. Y'all got to get healthy, dog.

Y'all need to get a little thick-er-ette. That's what I think that gum, dog. Lean down a little. I like that thick-er-ette, dog. I have thick bit I have a cigarette thick or nicotine you're not you're not you're not depression depression uh we all know the funny steel is a perfect example of like where people think like they look at you from the outside and you don't think anybody can have a problem if they have something or they're doing something

that you admire it's just weird how the world works like that yeah because they see Theo on Instagram he's always having a good time Billy Eilish or whoever they're set man and then you see the story about that and they come and go well yeah actually I'm. And then you see the story about them and they come out and go, well, yeah, actually,

I'm chronically depressed and this and that. And then the regular person's like, what? Yeah. I couldn't put my pants on today. Maybe that should be the show is like the day in the life

of a depressed person that you think has a great life. Ooh, I don't want to watch that. You know what I mean? It would be everyone. We already live in that with Theo. You know what I mean? Theo, how's your mental state been?

Theo made me bipolar. I think it's hit or miss, dude. I've been battling. I think I have some kind of like a syndrome or something. I don't know what it is, so I'm fighting that. What's the syndrome? Just like chronic fatigue, man. I don't know what it is.

I'm checking out like lyme's disease i'm checking out all kinds of stuff man i'll say this about theo though whatever mental things are going on with him he does he fucking fights man oh yeah fights oh yeah fights yeah people need to see he has a fighter's heart man i'll give you yeah but that's something you need to see you know what i'm saying like this is it i mean i like if you look at Theo's podcast now. Hold on. And then when it started at the. Yeah, the breath. Me?

No, I'm not. You look a little out of breath right now. No, I'm not out of breath. I'll be emotional talking about Theo. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought it was the nicotine. You're a sociopath. I get worried.

You can't read human language. I didn't mean that. I just saw you go like this. I was like. He's just always digging. I got worried. I was like, are you fat and out of breath? I know he's doing that nicotine. I was like, I don go like this. I was like. He's just always digging. I got worried. I was like. Are you fat and out of breath? I know he's doing that nicotine. I was like, I don't like this shit.

You were like. No, not at all. Okay. Well, thanks, B, man. I appreciate you, man. Look, I'm inspired by you, bro. You're a fighter, man. You know, I think you never give up, Brandon or Brendan.

I forgot my name. Sorry, man. You know what? It is a bullshit name, though. If I just be honest Brendan Any one of those names It's so easy to like Brendan

Brandon It's like pick one Bro yours is Eric with a K Oh it's still Eric No it's I'm gonna spell it with a C It's not like my name Was like E-rock

You know like It's like E-rick You know what I mean It's like But there's more famous Brendans than are our Brandons Name another famous Brendan Brendan Frazier

Brendan Shanahan. Brendan Fraser. Who's Shanahan? You really want to? He came back. He's out of shape, but he's back. Encino Man? Who's with me?

You name two, motherfucker, two. Name a famous Brandon. Brandon Lee. Bruce Lee's son. He's dead. God, we're reaching. Well, I hate Greg and Craig. They both drive me up a fucking wall.

Or Brett and Brent. Fuck off. Or Banner. I met a kid named Banner the other day, and I was like, what? Banner? Banner's fucking. Stay at home. Like Bruce Banner.

He said his name after Bruce Banner. That's fucking. Oh, man. Oh, my God. All right, let's get to the show. What do you got, Nick? Eric had a story i think he wanted to bring for us uh you had a story about and this is great because it's these three this is about

like what's your most cowardly moment like my bitch out moment yeah because i got one for you you know i was in new york one time it's late i'm walking on the street how long give me some context how long ago it's this might be like a couple years ago so you're a grown man i'm a grown man someone if somebody yelled the n-word at you bro i'm gonna come out and say honestly that could have been me dude what year was it yeah yeah but thea would just be like eric and then drop the n-word what up you ain't hiding so i'm walking down the street and then there's like a couple that's like three or four paces ahead of me. They're walking.

I got my phone out. And then a dude walks behind me and bumps me. Okay. Oh, yeah. Like he bumps me, man. I go, whoa. And then he goes over to the couple, and he starts attacking them. Oh, damn.

Damn. He starts swinging on the girl. Tell me you ran. Wait, wait, wait. He starts swinging on the girl. He's spitting on her. And then the dude is like this. The dude is like, hey, stop it.

Get back. And he's going crazy. Dude, I straight up was like, let me walk across the street. This is where I exit laughing. Dude, I straight up walked across the street. I was like, I don't want to deal with this. What did the guy look like? Was the guy homeless or had his shit together?

No, he didn't have his shit together. But he was a big dude. He was just a big, and he had a big jacket on, and he was grizzly. And I was like, this guy, what's going to happen right now? And I just felt terrible. I honestly felt like- But you didn't have the tools to do anything. Dude, I started-

Yeah, you did. Not that I even have the tools now. I did start boxing after that. But it don't mean what the guy's going to be like, hold your hands up for me. One, two. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I just was like, I'm going to cross the street. And the scene keeps playing out, though.

Because the guy's like, get off us. And then the guy starts leaving, and the guy won't let it go. The other guy's like, somebody go to the police. And the whole scene's kind of following me. And I'm like, I'm trying to get away from this shit. Somebody help them. Yeah. I didn't even do that.

But then I thought to myself, I didn't even do that. And I'm thinking to myself, like, damn, dude. Somebody could have filmed that. Felt like a bitch. I did. I felt like a bitch. Somebody could have been filming like, is that Montez running? Yeah.

That's going to hurt ticket sales, man. See, I'm just saying, I had that moment. And my first thought was was i'm a bitch just no the first thought was like this guy can this guy he is he gonna kill them he ain't gonna kill three of us you know what i mean but then later i was like oh man i should have helped yeah but i don't think that's cowardice like first so for me in that situation i don't know what i would do i'm just gonna tell you this every minute of my life since i was born has been getting ready for that moment i'm literally i'm so far ahead of that dude like if i get if i clock that um so so and your head

starts going and that's because i'm afraid yeah that's but that's also because i'm afraid i'm so afraid that i have to be ready for that shit. So it depends on how ready you are. Well, you know, the thing, too, for me, I'm a big guy. So there's this assumption you're a big guy, so it's like you can fight and stuff. And I'm like, no, bro. You get mixed there, dog. I've been in four fights my entire life. You know what I mean?

And one of them was like I hit a girl in the sixth grade. You know what I'm saying? And then that was when I learned not to do that ever again. She was a bitch, dude. She was a bully, too. Oh, never mind then. Wait, listen. She was a bully, right?

Oh, yeah. And then she was being a bully, and I was like, I punched her. Like in the, right, you know? In the titty. And then all of a sudden, she turned into a girl like this. Oh, fuck you. And I was like, oh, shit. What's that a girl. And I was like, oh, shit. What's that bully energy?

And everybody was like, oh, man. I was like, wake up. Fuck up, Eric. Everybody's hating her. What happened, guys? And then I was like, I learned a lesson. I learned a lesson right there. You know what I mean?

Yeah. And then the only other time I punched somebody, this guy was bullying me on the bus in the fifth grade. And I went home and told my mom. I was like, just do it. You know, my mom said, tomorrow, punch him in the face. Good for your mom. That's what my mom said.

Yeah. Punch him in the face. And at that time, you're afraid of your parents. Yeah. So if the only thing I'm afraid of is my mom being mad at me, I'm punching this motherfucker in the face.

Mama said. So I was waiting for it too. I was like, come on, bully me, bitch. You know what I mean? He did it. I punched him in the face. I got suspended for a week but he never

worth it again worth it never messed with me fucking worth it never again that's what your mom wanted you know and then she drove me to school every day for a week and stopped in front of the bus so that so i could get out of the car like right when the bus was coming out and i was like okay but like again that wasn't really like a fight, fight. You're always afraid no matter what. Yeah, dude. Even if you're tough. Last story. Okay. I'm getting out. I'm pulling into a 7-Eleven in my car and a big bald head, skinhead looking dude with tattoos all over his face.

He must have been like 6'4". I almost hit him. That wasn't me. And he looked at me like, oh, man. It was like he was going to say the N-word. You know what I mean? He was like. He said it internally. He did. Oh yeah he did i parked i walked into the 7-eleven right

and he was there in line and he was looking y'all he was giving me the light you know and so we locked eyes and i was like oh shit i can't look away now you know what i mean but you did i didn't oh really i honestly didn't look away i figured i I gave my best because I used to work with kids, so I got like a dean of students look I can give. Oh, yeah. But I mean, I gave him the look, and then I'm waiting, I'm getting closer, and he looks away. Dean of students.

He looks away, and then I went this way, and I went like this. Oh, my God. I just thought. What about you? Yeah, right, right. You know? In regards to that stuff, like people getting in a fight on the streets or like that lady that I saw in the accident.

Or just any moment you just like, you had a cowardly moment. The cowardly moment I have, not that. When you quit fighting and started podcasting? Yeah. Yeah. Look, dude. When I'm on the streets, like it's on. I have this thing in me where it's almost you got a problem

You got where I want to help. I'm like Superman and my girl fucking hates it Also probably why she's married to me, but she fucking hates it Like I see like did like there's something like that going on. I'm gonna get involved. Yeah, like to the full extent Yeah, that's what I thought about it. I thought of you. That's why I brought this up Yeah, I thought I bet you Brendan would have like, you know, yep It'd been on you and had a move but you're also ready. You know, I mean, yeah, I spent years training So yeah, so I feel like it's my duty. Yes. I I'm the one out of every like regular civilian I'm the one who could fuck this. Oh, yeah

You know what you saw right because then somebody films that they're like, yeah, what's the UFC fighter doing not? Yeah, yeah, that's not a pressure But I think as far as bitch out, my last fight when I retired, when I fought Travis Brown, he's this huge dude. I was in the back. I looked at my coach. I'm like, I don't want to do this. I'm terrified.

I don't want to go out there, man. But that's not. They were like, dude, that's fine. Whatever happens out there is on you. He trained so hard for that. But you have to walk. You have to make the walk. You can't stay back here.

I'm like, I don't want to go. I do not want to go. They're like, dude, Dana's paying you $11,000. Get the fuck out there. And you've got to split that six ways. And my coach was like, no, we're taking 50% of that. If you're not going to be scared fighting Travis Brown. That one was different.

That one was different. I didn't want to go out there because I was scared I've always made the one so that was the one time I looked at my coach was like hey this is the last time I'm fucking maybe because maybe because you had options maybe you started to see options yeah I'm gonna say I was gonna say also also because you have a healthy respect for what's happening correct like that's a completely different thing like I don't even count that as like a coward a cowardly moment. It kind of is, though. No, no, but I'm saying, like. But it felt cowardly is what he's saying.

It felt cowardly to him. I get you. I get you. And when the ref stopped the fight and I, like, popped up, I was like, what? And my dad was like, thank God. And I got in the back. You better keep this going. Man, you fucked me, man.

And then I got in the back. I'm like, thank God. But you know the thing is. But I was, like, tipping over chairs and shit to act like I was upset. But nobody wins in a fight. So I saw, like, I made some comment last week about, like, look, I'm not a fighter, but, thank God. But I was like tipping over chairs and shit to act like I was upset. But nobody wins in a fight. So I saw like I made some comment last week about like, look, I'm not a fighter, but I know that I'm going to go. I'm going to do whatever I can. You know what I mean?

Whatever it is. I'm going to scratch. I'm going to kick you in the balls. I'm doing whatever I can. That's what I meant by that last week. I'm not saying I'm – because what I'm saying is there's no winner in a fight. No. No one wins in a fight.

Nope. There's someone that gets hurt more, but every fight you've ever had, you were hurt, right? Every time. Unless you got pepper spray. That's not a fight. Just walk away. Theo, you got any bitch out moments, man?

Oh, yeah, bub. I'll tell you one. I was in, I think, Germany or somewhere else. And I was with my ex-girlfriend. Beautiful girl. I don't remember her name at the moment, but fine as hell. And pretty cool. Pretty nice, actually.

Kind of looked like her dad a little bit, but also great girl. Anyway. You did not describe anything I want to see. We were biking on one of those bike tours in a foreign country where it's like, you know, you get on the blue bike and you all go to the different things and everything. And her bike was like sticking into some like bike path. We'd pulled over and the guy was like telling us about some, you know, ancient jewelry or something. And this some guy was speeding through the bike path and like hit the back of her tire kind of on purpose. Like he was like kind of had this and like hit the back of her tire kind of on purpose like he was like

Kind of had this this like fuck these tourists type of energy Mm-hmm and and then like he kind of looked at me and then he just pedaled off and she kind of looked at me like are you Gonna do something and it just like I did I just like still have dreams where I like pedal after this dude I could have taken the dude at least at least I could have attacked him and like beat him with a bike I don't know if i could have beat him up but i didn't do anything i just got nervous i don't know what happened i just i don't know if i cared about her enough to do any i don't know what happened that yeah that could be a sign you just didn't care yeah

i mean there are women that they're not you can be on date, and it's not worth getting your ass kicked for. I had that. I had that with a guy. I was like, oh, I don't like this girl, and I'm not fighting this dude. There's no upside to that. I wish I would have told the guy that. I wish I would have at least tracked the guy down and said, look, I could do something, but if I cared more, I would do something.

Yeah, that's fair. He would have respected that. He'd be like, oh, cool, man. That's wild. Yeah. He was like, is that a help back? So that shit just hurts me, dude. What's this, Nick? This guy's got his own story about man. That's wild. Yeah. He was like, is that a hot back web? So that shit just hurts me, dude. What's this, Nick?

This guy's got his own story about how he bitched out. Oh. What's up? This is Shane from Newport, Michigan. Great audio. What's up? I got a bitched out for you guys. So my wife decides to go to bed early.

Well, when I was at work, we were at midnight, so the bars were usually closed by the time we get off work and the liquor store. So we never get a chance to celebrate at a bar during any time of week that we're working. We get sent home early. We decide to go to the bar. While I'm at the bar, my wife wakes up. I told her, hey, we're going to go to the bar. I know you're sleeping.

I'll be home in a little bit. I love you. Whatever. She came up there with a baby in her arm in my face and I'm just standing there and all my co-workers are just looking at me. And the next day they was like, oh man, you in the doghouse, son.

Ain't right, man. Gang, gang. Buzz, buzz. So did she like, so did you not defend yourself and just jumped in the car with your wife? How'd he bitch out? I think that's it. He jumped in the car and was like, I you bitch out i think that's it he jumped in the car i was like i'll see you fellas tomorrow yeah yeah that's all right though i have there has to be trust issues though i do if you just went to a bar with your co-workers after work and she pulls up and wakes the baby up pulls up in her fucking dodge neon it's like

what the fuck are you doing he's like and why the baby i have one bitch down yeah why the baby i get woken up you know hard you don't and to put that kid back to sleep so that's a baby's like, and why the baby got to get up? I have one bitch down. Yeah, why the baby got to get woken up? You know how hard it, you don't, and to put that kid back to sleep is a beast. That's a beast. And the baby's like, all right. That's a beast. All right, dad. All right, dad. That was, she was testing him.

But then that's kind of like weighing it, like harmony in the home. Fuck these guys I work with. I'll tell you one bitch that move. But what else are you going to do? Disrespect your wife? No. Mother of your child? Like, shut up, bitch.

Yeah, get in the fucking car. We're waiting until bar close. Yeah, get in the fucking car. We're waiting until Barclay. I'd get in the car. It depends on who you're with. That mustache is amazing. Fantastic. That's the reverse Hitler. My one bitch, that guy's I gotta talk about him for a sec. That mustache, that's the

reverse Hitler. That is the craziest. That's a young Theo. Yeah. That's a young Theo. His mustache matches his eyebrows. You mean like 36 year old Theo? Is that what you mean by young Theo? Yeah, his eyebrows and mustache are exactly the same. Wow. That's a woman

that did the man filter. That's what I think. Because his neck and shoulders are very, very... What's he say? Thank you. Thank you. He's got his own bitched out story. My name's Mason. I'm from Pensacola, Florida. This is the worst I've ever bitched out. Great.

So it's actually on a first date with this girl. It was actually the first date I had ever been on. Oh, yeah. And because that's hard already. I'm hard. I was really into her. I could tell she was into me. End of the night.

We're sitting in my car. We're talking. Yeah. Looking at each other, you know. And i knew i was supposed to kiss her i just couldn't do it not with that i leaned in towards her couldn't kiss her no long story short i asked how her mom's doing and then later she asked me are you sure you're not gay you know it went well ah yes well we were asking the same question he's got a camera if he just panned the camera to his husband right there just roll over just yeah yeah but who wins now Teresa that is the toughest dude when you know that's the one of the biggest ones I think when you

know you're supposed to make a move on a woman. This hot girl, bro, named Noel. I grew up with this girl named Noel, bro. And she had beautiful. And this is Noel right here. She had beautiful, bro. She was 100% beautiful, dude. Bro, if you couldn't even see her, she was fine as fuck even.

If she was in a fire, she'd be like, damn, still fine as she burnt. If she was in a fire, she'd be like, damn, still fine as she burnt. But what I'm saying is this, dude. She invited me to a dance or something one time, and I got my hands on her. We was making out, dude, and I'm reaching for the undies, and she didn't even stop me, and I fucking just froze up, dude. Like I had leprosy or something. When you're a young man, it's tough, man, to make that jump. God! To make that jump?

If they deny you it's so embarrassing. We go for a kiss they go whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I want to die. I had an acting teacher who said, Jeffrey Zambro was like, if you want that part

go get it. If you want that car go get it. If you want that person and you're attracted you want that car go get it if you want that person and you're attracted to him go and get him so i'm like fucking a and there was this girl i thought i had such a crush on and she was a waitress and she used to fucking wait on me every day at breakfast and i was like i'm gonna get her go get i'm gonna go get her and i go we should go out she goes she's talking to me i was nice i go we should go out sometime and she goes she goes i should get back to my station i was like oh that that yeah that denial by the way i know what it is he has the headphones on backwards oh they hurt they've been hurting me the whole time oh so much

better so much better better it's better. It's definitely better. Dude, my fucking ear was hurting me. You look like one of those Star Wars star fighters. This is gold leader, gold leader. You know what I mean? For some reason, they all... With the orange. Gold leader. They're always fat guys that look like George Lucas.

Why are those fighter pilots? Yeah, I agree. Gold leader. Even as a kid, I wanted to know. We're so out of shape. Why are they out of shape? It can't even fit in the... All right.

We got one more bitched out story. What up, cats? So my story is I was about 16, and I was party hopping with my friends who were about 18, 19. And we ended up at this party with some grown-ass men and women, late 20s, early 30s. with like some grown-ass men and women like uh late 20s early 30s and uh midway through they started like showing off their guns and whatnot which kind of threw me off you know made me a little like timid and then uh we started playing a beer pong game which lasted like way too long and uh they wanted a rosham boat yeah well if i see guns you don't have to start if if you're showing your guns i'm getting the fuck out of there yeah man if you're just like hey look at my gun no look at my gun see ya

yeah he was so let me get this straight he obviously fizzed out for the technical issues we had yeah we had a fellow that blew his own face out what a bitch out is that right and deceased and deceased well sometimes, sometimes you have these moments where you don't even realize what happened until later. So I remember I was working at a school, I was a PE person, and saw the kids' after-school programs. Don't say PE person.

Say you were a PE teacher, please, Eric. We're trying to be honest today. PE person. PE person. Gender yourself. I was a PE man. A car pulls up onto the schoolyard, and it's a bunch like whatever kind of dudes.

And just say it. I've said it before. There were gangsters. OK. And then the guy looks at me and he shows me his gun, you know, and I go, I just I don't know why I did this like this. But I was like, come on, man. Yeah. What are you doing? I was like, come on, man.

Look at these kids here, dude. You know? And then the guy, you know what? To his credit, he was like, you right. You know what I mean? And they pulled off. I'm at a school, man. But then after that, I was like, it was later. I was like, this could have went completely different.

It went super south. Super south. Because if you were like this, like, what? Say what? But it wasn't even. But I at least had the common sense to be like i'm not trying to antagonize this guy i'm just trying to appeal to his like is this the right time yeah maybe he's on the right frame of mind so you doing that he's like oh shit you're right

all right but it's just like you know you just have moments like it went south right dude it's like if i would have reacted like you know like on a podcast reaction where you're supposed to be hyper or whatever, I'd be dead. Yeah. You know? You're lucky you didn't run into a young Chin in his gang. Oh, I know. You'd have fucking killed him. Unless I ran into Chin, I'd be okay.

Yeah. Yeah. No, it's his gang. I'm not a gang member. I was never a gang member. No one's buying that. It's the people around me. Yeah, no one's buying that, dude.

There's Chin. There's Chin, baby. Good to hear you, Chin. Good to hear you, Chen. Good to hear you, Theo. That's what everybody in the Nazi party said later. I wasn't. I wasn't. I wasn't.

I was just around. I was just around. I was doing paperwork. Yeah. What else you got, Nick? Let's finish this guy's story. Get our technical difficulties fixed. And then we started playing a beer pong game, which lasted, like, way too long.

And they wanted a Rochambeau to win it. You take a punch, I take a punch. Whoever gets knocked out first wins. Jesus Christ. Completely bitched out. No, you didn't bitch out. You're a smart kid. That's called smart.

That was it, dude. That's not the Stockton National Anthem. Is that the Stockton National Anthem that the guy just sang? I just don't. That's not a good example. That's not a bitch out. That's just you going like making a common sense choice. That's called intelligence.

Don't be too hard on yourself for not knocking somebody out. That's like the guys like, I hit you in the balls, you hit me in the balls. Don't always be covered up. Oh, fuck off. Not hanging out with you. No thanks. Yeah, I hope that guy's okay. Yeah, I hope he doesn't beat himself up over that.

That's not a bitch out. That's like those Russian shots. Yeah, apparently none of these guys sent in bitch outs and we all just admitted that we were bitches. That's how this all happened. Apparently there were four bitches here. Yeah, because that guy,

these ones were like, I didn't kiss a girl Yeah Good hair This is like if chin were cute Hey That's over Hey what's up guys

I got a king of the stinging for you Each race being able to use their own racial slur Alright for example Me using the term Jap Now I'm Japanese Or at least i think so i'm pretty sure i'm japanese i mean okay who's gonna argue that right so it's like me saying hey yo what up jap or um chapelle or derrick you know either using the hard er or the a it's totally up to them their preference uh maybe you guys using the term cracker or cracker totally up

to you but that's my king of the sting it let me know if that's okay you know um rate each race using their own racial slur all right thanks guys gang gang chigga it's a legit question man but my thing is white people we don't really have a – Yeah. Like, I can't get around a cracker. They're all cute. I mean, I guess our word – Peckinwood.

Peckinwood was a good one. I guess ours is bro. First of all, shout out Alan Joban right there for sending this question in, dude. I've loved his fighting career. He's now working as a commentator at UFC, and good to see him. How do you feel, Eric, with – You know, it's all – commentator at UFC and good to see him. How do you feel Eric with Blackface in the show? You know, it's all

like, you know when people say we should remove this word, that kind of thing. It's like, it depends on like the word's so polarizing when you're talking about say the N word for instance. Like the hard R N word? Either one. It's polarizing. Double R too. Some people do double R at the end.

So then it becomes like this thing where it's like, you know, it's never going to go away. You know, it's never going to go away. So it's like. Especially the A. Whoever gives it weight gives it power. But it kind of has gone away for the most part. Not really. No way.

I'm saying it's never been more. I think it's never been more privileged cracker life, maybe. No, with white people. White people don't say that. I quit using it about four years ago. So I feel like it's definitely. four years, he means four days ago. That's his Matt Damon confession right there. Guys, I'm not using the N-word anymore.

You don't. It used to be you could say the word within context. Now it's like you say the N-word. Yeah, but as far as the other version with the ending in the A. You mean with other black people talking? Yeah. But in rap songs, it's used more so today than any time ever before. It's like part

of culture. Definitely. Which is weird to me. I think it all depends on your own personal experience. So the older you are, the more it's going to mean more to you that you're going to be upset. Because you know the weight of the word. Yeah, the weight of the word. The young kids come up and their favorite rapper says it.

They don't know anything. That's what I'm saying. It's lingo. You have to ask yourself, like, what do we want to teach people? Do we want to continuously teach people about the past and how bad things were? Or do we want to, like, move forward? So it just depends. And I'm not saying either one is right or wrong because there are two schools of thought.

Chin, in the Asian community, you guys ever call each other anything like that No, just think about that too. Cuz I don't know any Japanese person that calls their Japanese friends Japs I don't call my Korean friends gooks. No, it just doesn't come up. That was all that was all that was awesome That was also imposed on those groups by yeah, that's not in your culture Like that's why people put on but that same with the black culture like white people put that on there. Yeah I feel like just our it's it kept changing for so long. It was like Negro, colored, now African-American. It keeps changing, but that one word never changes.

It's just the weight of it is going to change. But again, there's people out there who have lived in a different experience. I mean, I'm upper middle class. I was like ghetto adjacent when I grew up. And so, you know, when I experienced racism when I was a kid, I remember I was going to the – my mom sent me to the Beverly Hills YMCA. She always wanted me to have like a different experience. Nobody's athletic there.

Oh, yeah. What was your – you're black and what else? I don't even know, dude. It's such a mix. Okay. Black and white. I's such a mix. Okay. Black and white. I can guess some things. Jewish.

Are you Jewish? Could be. Who knows? Okay. No pun intended. Yeah. I remember this kid walks up to me. I was on the swim team at the YMCA.

And he was like, you're dirty. You're skin. You're dirty. He was being racist, right? But I will never forget it cuz I was like oh it was finally happening like I was like to have in a moment was like oh this is it okay you don't like me because I'm different from you and I was like okay this is what this feels like you know

what I mean but it wasn't like you know it wasn't like how it was say a hundred years ago when you know no you know I mean so it was like it's just it's just a different like I don't when people are still racist now, I just go, really? So ignorant. Yeah, say, what are you doing? Who's this guy?

I don't know. Yeah, you're right. Cunts. He went to the barber and said, give me the DeLavon. Well, that's what they say. Skojo,

the Melbourne mudflat from down under, back with a king that'll sting it for all you mad dogs in the states penal colonies, sending all your petty, thieving, scumbag

criminals to the other side of the world for minor crimes to establish a nice colony so that 200 years later you can use us to fight in all your wars I'm going to king that shit because it turned out pretty well for us, I can't hear what you boys think penal colonies, convicts king that shit because it turned out pretty well for us. I can't hear what you boys think. Penal colonies.

Convicts. King it or sting it. Great question. I'll take this, brother. You're doing great. You guys are doing great. I've been to Australia. I wish I didn't have to leave.

I got expedited or whatever, and I wish I didn't have to leave, man. You guys have the beaches, beautiful babes, cool stuff. No rules just right. You're doing it good. Everybody's doing good. You're playing football with a misshaped ball. You guys are fucking living large. I think the mistake here is somebody

didn't go check Australia out first. Agree. It'd be like if I'm going to put people in house arrest and it's in some mansion and then you're in the mansion like, actually, this is pretty nice. I'm going to stay here. Terrible. Blue water water hot bitches everywhere australia is a beautiful like you know it's like i don't know what they were thinking there's a ton of land arrogance of like europe and whoever thinking

that you guys are going there this is the best place on earth yeah europe sucks yeah yeah yeah you guys won australia you guys won yeah you guys won the weather you know what i mean? Yeah, you guys won, Australia. You guys won. Yeah, you guys won. The weather, you know what I mean? King in it. King. King it. All right, we'll do one more. We'll send the thieves to the beach. Did we king it?

I don't remember if we kinged it, guys. Did we king it? How many people had to get stung by bot jellyfish, though, and eaten by great whites and crocs and bitten by snakes before they figured it out? It is beautiful. Not too many, though. It's not really that way.

You talk to anyone in Australia, they're like, dude, would you quit that narrative? He's like, we're not jumping across fucking crocodiles. I was on vacation with an Australian. I was on vacation with a buddy. He pulls out a hamburger. We're walking down the street with a hamburger and birds.

Those seagulls have balls out there. Yeah, they're balls. With no thought at all, just came right down and attacked for the food. No, it's not like Sydney's full of crocodiles. No. They got those wolf bats, though. Rise up, lights. No, like Melbourne and Sydney. Dude, if you say rise up, lights, have you heard that?

No. No. Say rise up, lights. Rise up, lights. And that's that? No. No. Say rise up lights. Rise up lights. And that's how you say razor blades in Australian. It's like the perfect way to do it. Rise up lights. Rise up lights.

Rise up lights. Rise up lights. Rise up lights. Rise up lights. Rise up lights. Rise up lights. Rise up lights. Rise up lights.

Rise up lights. Rise up lights. Rise up lights. I can't unsee. I can't unknow it now. And now I'm throwing an accent on it. Yeah. Rizzo Blights?

Rizzo Blights? Rizzo Blights? Put some extra on it. All right, last one. Let's see it. What's up, Brennan? What's up, Theo? It's Alex here from Virginia.

I'm from Virginia, just to be clear. We don't have people riding their horses in their white bed sheets or anything like that, so don't get too excited, Theo. Got a little Kinger it for you, though. Chickens in the backyard. Good thing is you get fresh eggs out back whenever you want them. My girl thinks they're cute. Some of the best fertilizer you can ever get is chicken shit.

Got it in the composter right there for next year's garden. Nice little setup. But kind of a pain in the ass. You know, mornings like this when you're hungover, out here making noise, carrying on until you feed them. there for next year's garden nice little setup but uh kind of a pain in the ass you know nice mornings like this when you're hung over out here making noise carrying on until you feed them but you know you get the fresh organic eggs every morning for breakfast massive ones too feel bad for these girls popping these out every morning their undercarriage is all torn up but yeah man king or sting it these yard birds out back that dog gang gang buzz buzz that's a wild

gang baby Wow and I love the fact that he takes in it the you know if you even to lay in bed and imagine a chicken birth and a huge egg that you gonna go griddle up that shit is really barbaric that's really the ultimate slavery really there. Yeah, that's barbaric. It's barbaric. Delicious. Eating kids every night. Yeah, I'd probably sting it, man. Those chickens are loud. They shit everywhere. I don't like their dinosaur feet.

They're beautiful. Remember Rogan had them be? Remember? He was killing coyotes and shit to keep them away from the chicken coop. Yeah, he had a whole coop. It seemed exhausting. A whole coop situation. You get a friendly chicken, though, man. There's nothing more nice than sitting back with a friendly chicken and just hugging it.

Hugging that chicken? Hugging on a chicken? I don't fucking trust turkeys either. Have you ever seen a turkey in person? Yeah, they're vicious. Fuck, bro. It's a dinosaur. You know what?

I don't like watching these videos where you see cows and chickens acting like dogs. Where they're acting like pets. Because they imprinted on... They imprinted in our minds that like, oh, these are just dumb animals that they don't have no feelings or nothing. I have to believe that when I'm sitting at Ocean Prime. Yeah, me too.

I mean, lions get super attached to you. It's weird because they're like dogs. They're social animals and you become part of their pride. People that own... Look at that. How old are lions? That's cute to me.

Lions will literally get attached to you. But how old are they? I don't know. I mean, they probably live, what? They're probably young, though, if they're cool with humans. 18 years? This is what I'm saying. You see this kind of stuff and you go, oh, God, I can't go to Outback Steakhouse anymore.

Yeah, I can't eat a flaming young. You know what I mean? Yeah, I know what you mean. But also kill him. Like, I stopped drinking milk. But also kill him. Look at that. Look at that, I know what you mean. But also kill him. Like, I stopped drinking Look at that. Look at that little guy. They look cute.

They're cute as fuck. That guy's got ulterior motives. I've seen this kind of stuff before. Yeah. Look at that little tongue. This Theo's moves right here. That thing is cute. Time's up.

Same nose. Same nose. Yeah, same nose. These guys are cute, man. I like fucking cows. If Theo dyed his hair, he would look just like that as he got laid. They're cute as man. I like fucking cows. If Theo dyed his hair, he would look just like that. He's got lamb.

They're cute as shit. They are. It looks like a fucking paradise. I couldn't eat cows if they were my friends like that. You still eat these, though. Yeah. You just don't die naturally. I love steak.

Oh, shit. Look at that motherfucker. Dude. Oh, God. Is that acting like a puppy? That's a fucking bull. That's a goddamn bull. Well, if your pit bull had freaking horns on it, it wouldn't be a pet anymore.

Yeah. Yeah, like freaking house cats are 62 pounds away from running your house. Yeah, they're savages. You know what I mean? Yeah. You know, they're going to eat you. It is what cats be slapping people all the time. They're the most efficient killers in all of the land.

Yeah, fuck, yeah. And here's the thing people don't remember. You die in your house when you got cats in there, they eat you, buddy. Boom. Happens all the time. Senior lady remember. You die in your house when you got cats in there, they eat you, buddy. Boom. Happens all the time. Senior lady dies. Something happens. Lightning.

Skillet falls off a shelf, hits her. Yep. Cats eat her. Yep. I don't know if that's true. All the time. It's true. Is it?

I don't think people should be keeping their skillets in an area that they can fall. Yeah, they're heavy. Dude, we're talking seniors, bub. Wow. Some cats consume the head, neck, and arm of their dead owner. What are we even talking about?

They don't care about you. They don't care about you. Yes, your pets will eat you when you die. Probably a bit sooner. They tend to go for the neck, face, and exposed ears first. But yeah, I don't think Rogan dies, man. I think he – Yeah, I think he lives – he's going to outlive all of us.

Yeah. I don't know. I've got to call him. I haven't talked to him in a while. No? No. It's been a while. We always do that.

Is that it, Nick? That's it. All right. All right, kids. Laugh Boston, and then Dallas next weekend. Denver for me this weekend. Then I got Chicago Improv, Schaumburg Improv, the Improv, and Schaumburg Improv,

Chicago Improv, September 30th. It's also Schaumburg, though. It's Schaumburg. Best manager there. It's less than that. It's about an hour out. September, September 30, October 1, and October 2. Quit saying Chicago.

Schaumburg, guys. It's only like 40 minutes outside Chicago. In traffic. You'll be in two hours. I will be staying in Chicago. It's like saying Santa Barbara is LA. Right? Same fucking shit.

I'm at San Antonio this Saturday. One giant show Saturday. Bud Light Courtyard Event Center. That's San Antonio this Saturday. The next week, I'm in Denver. Mama, I'm coming home. Comedy Works is downtown Thursday, Friday. Saturday.

Nice. Can't wait. Yeah. Mr. Theo Vaughn, what do you got, dog? That's going to be sick. I'm going to be in Charlotte and Durham this weekend. And then next weekend, I'm going to be in Chattanooga and Knoxville. Oh, close to home, huh? Those are awesome.

Excited about that. Excited about that, man. Good to see you guys today, too, man. Good to see you. Good to see you. Brian Callens, bro, one of the top 60 or 70 men out there probably. Thank you, buddy. Also, go see Stevie.

I hate when he does that. Stevie's at Moon Tower Comedy Festival doing Scissor Bros with Jeremiah. Go see him this week. Look it up. He's in Austin. This guy's brought me up, I guess, before. It's the top 357 men I've met in my life. You know what I mean?

That kind of shit. I got 60. So that means you know I'm 357 men I've met in my life. I got 60. So that means you know I'm 357. If I'm in the top 357, I'm 357. In the top 357? That's how you see yourself, man. You don't know what the numbers

are. Alright, kids. Love you. Theo, miss you, man. Buzz, love you, too. Peace. Gang, gang gang love you guys brendan and theo fighter and weight i gotta go in and go hard in the paint i do not think i am in flow black rifle coffee i'm ready to go i need a sponsor i am a monster about to open up with this at my concerts flow is contagious browser outrageous thicker than girls letter instagram famous damn hungry like i'm fresh off keto seeing red like andrew santino every song i hit like the great Bambino

Brennan ate the queso and the quesoritos But everything's gonna be fine Hate on me, I do not mind Theo looking like the type of dude That got a pack of matches in his pockets at all times They sliding into my DMs A couple of you tried but couldn't beat em Quit playing like Nintendo DS

You don't want to smoke like Joey Diaz Meaning y'all edible Just got my eyebrows threaded and I'm feeling incredible Brennan's son hit me up He said it's too loud in the club Can you pick me up? King and the sting King and the sting

King and the sting Beasting rat king King and the sting King and the sting Got the bees in the trap Got the cheese on a string King and the sting Outro Music Got the cheese on a string.