The Golden Hour - Episode 141: 2 Officers and a Gentleman

Episode Date: October 1, 2021

The guys welcome in Jessimae Peluso to the show and the gang talks SteeBee WeeBee's first time doing a live show in Austin with Jeremiah Watkins, SteeBee's funeral for his butt sex toy, KATS alum George Harris's San Antonio experience with Brendan and the crew, body mods, an all new KATS dating segment with Lexi and much more! Get your King and the Sting merch at katsmerch.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, we just had some questions about your last relationship. He said he was a narcissist. Yeah, when did he become a narcissist or you just didn't see him? Did he win the lottery and then became an asshole? I'm sure the last thing you want is a bunch of men screaming at you about your failed relationship. Shut your face, woman! Dang, dang. Come on, Bo!

Back off my broccolini. Get your life together. It is. Don't touch me, bro. I'm not touching you, dude. It reminds me of Tijuana. Yeah, like, you know, like Tijuana, like Revolution. Okay, well, I do.

And it gets crazy. Yeah, it's a little unruly in Austin. We're talking about Austin. Did you like it? It was cool, but I didn't. It was like a culture shock because I had shock Because I didn't know what to expect It was like tattoo shops, comedy clubs, 24-7 convenience stores It's crazy

It's very blue Horseshit It is very blue It's very blue, yeah And welcome to the show, by the way It's Jessie Mae Peluso Oh, we started? Yeah

We've been recording? Wow, real sneaky Jesse May. Oh, we started? Yeah. We've been recording? Wow, real sneaky. Jesse May, everybody. Welcome. Hey, what's up? And Stevie, can you just lean back a little bit?

Your head is, there's the camera. Quit vlogging my camera, Sorry, Jesse. Shit. That's a great D.A.R.E. shirt, though. Stevie, did you get that?

I went shopping the day before on Melrose, so I went to Urban Outfitters. I got some. I like your original kicks, though. Those are cool. I like your original.

Oh, you like the lightning? Yeah, those are fire. I feel like Steve's got, like, he has a little bit of cash now in that savings account. Don't start shaming me, bro. He's on Melrose, like, ooh. Yeah, why'd you go to brother. He's on Melrose. Why'd you go to Urban Outfitters? Let me go to Melrose. You know what I mean?

He was like, let me go to Urban Outfitters. That's a very Urban Outfitters shirt. A D.A.R.E. shirt. I was wondering where you get that. You know, I don't normally go there. Will you back me up? Will you? I can't back you up.

His Uber drove right past Marshall's. They're getting up on me. They're getting up. It does sound like, it does look like an Urban Outfitters D.A.R.E. shirt. It is. So it doesn't look like a vintage. It looks expensive vintage. Like new vintage.

Yeah. But what if I wash it a few times and then I put it out in the sun or something? You can do that. That's why you spent $50 to make it look like that. How'd you know it was around that price? Because I know. It has fake holes in the side too. It's got fake holes.

You have a $50 t-shirt on, Steve? It was $32. Who are you? Are you Bobby all of a sudden? No, these were cheap these were like 60 dollars this was like 32 dollars that's all i got was did you feel like a rock star at moon tower no i just stayed in my hotel room i didn't know that see the problem is i didn't know how a festival worked it's a party for comics and for comics but there's always stuff going on like

itinerary like this time you go here this time this is when Dave Attell goes you know Jermai didn't help he's been to them before he didn't like

take you under his wing he was on so many shows like he did everything he was hosting he was doing at the last show the outro show he was on stage

in a rock and roll outfit like yeah it was crazy yeah I was just in my hotel room watching Star Wars and you were also at the gas station

you said yeah I went to Bucky's oh yeah he was in you were also at the gas station you said yeah I went to Bucky's oh yeah he was in his hotel room at the gas station yeah so the highlights were beef jerky oh wow

okay I tried I got this hot sweet tea at the convenience store I really liked it I put it in my mini fridge sounds like a success you're traveling

you're just I'm an amateur I didn't know what to do I did the wrong thing how did you not help him out I feel like you could've just zoomed in to this. I didn't know what to do. I did the wrong thing. How did you not help him out? I feel like you could have just zoomed into this. Yeah. I don't know if you needed to go to Austin.

Yeah. I had fun at the live event. All right, good. Yeah. Good turnout? Yeah, we sold out that room. Oh, that's great, man. But I'm trying to, because y'all are comics, right?

I'm still trying to figure out the format of do I acknowledge them? Because podcasting in general, you don't have a crowd. But this time, it's just I was aware. How did you guys do it, Stevie? Was it you and Jeremiah with two mics on stage? Yeah, and we had a keyboard. We had a crazy challenge. So it's like a performance, though.

Huh? It's almost like a performance more so than a podcast. It's like a live. It's like Stevie and Jeremiah live. Exactly exactly that's what you want yeah nobody wants to see you and jeremiah sit down at a table like this and just talk no no we had that format where his chair and then we had these kinds of mic yeah so it was like a podcast podcast it looked wild though it did oh did you see it were you at moon tower no i wasn't wasn't. No. I stayed back. I was supposed to be

in Edmonton, but I wasn't feeling good. I wasn't feeling good enough to travel, so I just stayed low for a week. Yeah, like, how do they pick?

Y'all know about festivals? Like, how do they, because there's so many comics, how do they choose? Blood samples. Yeah. It's very simple. DNA.

Do you submit a thing? Like, Eric, have you been there? I've never been to Moon Tower, actually. Really? Yeah, I've never been to that one actually. Really? Yeah I've never been to that one.

Moon Tower's cool. Then Just for Laughs the big one. Yeah I've done Just for Laughs I've been to the what's the big one in Austin?

The real one. I thought it was Moon Tower. Moon Tower's the big one. Oh South by South. That's a movie. That's music. That's movies.

They always have comedy and stuff there. Yeah but that's not like It's at the forefront. Yeah that's the movies and music is the forefront of that. Music and movies. Moon Tower's at the forefront. Yeah, that's the movies and music is at the forefront of that. Yeah, it's music and movies. Moon Tower is like just great.

I guess I did go for a TV show, so I get it. Moon Tower is more fun for – I feel like it's like the most fun comedy festival besides J-F. I've never been to that one. These comedy things, they always pass me by. The comedy festivals are interesting, though, because it's like – I mean, I don't even know if you need to do them. I think if you're starting out, unless you're a huge headliner like Burr or someone, it doesn't make a ton of sense. Why not? Because just financially doesn't make a ton of sense.

Because I can fly into Austin and do my own show and make probably double the money than what the Moon Tower paid. Oh, so it's a money thing. You don't go for the experience. So like when you were in Austin doing Moon Tower yeah I was literally an hour away doing a theater in San Antonio that's him just humble bragging

and then you're quadrupling your money that was him just rubbing his dick in your face a little bit his nutsack well most of the comics well I got something

to rub in your face later I have something in my back I have something in my back I have something in my back Brendan you just got verbally dick slapped it's okay by dick boy no I'm just saying I mean they're fun I have something in my back, Brendan. You just got verbally dick slapped. It's okay.

By dick boy. No, I'm just saying. I mean, they're fun, but the boys taking the lion's share of the money, the gals and boys making the lion's share of the money are the real big boys. And then the rest of it is just like- Yes, exactly. I have a huge weight on my shoulders. I didn't mean to cut you off. Buzz, buzz, gang, gang, kids.

In a tiny apartment in Southern California, two college dropouts teamed up to create a watch company called Movement. They broke all the rules with fair prices, unexpected colors, clean, original styles. We all love them, man. It's Movement. They grew into one of the fastest growing watch brands, shipping to over 160 countries across the globe. Proud of you, boys. Now, movement has expanded to blue light glasses that protect your eyes from screens, all right? Everyone's staring at screens, so you probably need these things. All these designs are out of the California headquarters, right?

You know, a lot of watches you see out there are thousands of dollars, but you see a gentleman or gal watching a movement watch and you're like, what? How much is that? That's probably the quality of a $400 to $500 watch. Yeah, not with movement, man. They cost a fraction of that.

That's because they were built online, and they own their process from start to finish. You get a beautiful watch shipped right to your door for free. If you don't love it, you can ship it right back for free. If you want to elevate your look with style that doesn't break the bank, then movement is for you get 50 off today with free shipping free returns by going to mvmt.com slash cats again that's mvmt.com slash cats yo man there's a lot of anxiety in the world right now the world is crazy

maybe there's something interfering with your happiness which is preventing you from achieving the goals that you set for yourself, man. Whatever it is, my friends at BetterHelp can help you out, man, by matching with your own licensed professional therapist. Professional. Not your friend around the water cooler. Not one of your co-workers. None of that stuff, man.

You can start communicating under 48 hours. Not a crisis line. Not self-help. It's professional counseling done securely online, man. Service is available worldwide. Wide, wide, wide. Log on any time you want. Send a message to your counselor. You get a timely, thoughtful response.

Plus, you can schedule weekly or video phone sessions, alright? BetterHelp is committed to making therapy great, man. So they got you guys covered. BetterHelp wants you to start living a happier life today. Visit betterhelp.com slash K-A-T-S. That's Better H-E-L-P.

And join the over 1 million people who have taken charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. In fact, you need to get on it, man. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp and the king of the sting listeners get 10 off their first month at betterhelp.com slash cats you brought a special guest yeah but this is there's a huge weight on my shoulder is there something alive in there yeah speaking of

dna well it's probably alive how much cum yes you don't have to back up like that but we're planning this for months and i wanted to grow as a person i feel like he does this on purpose because he grows an individual and like move past my you know perverted uh sexual masturbation habits i had this thing and i'm gonna part with it today and we we announced it okay we're gonna part with it i'm scared because he's filming why Why are you filming me? Okay, so this is... Okay. Oh, it's a fuck butt. Oh, wow, it's smaller than I thought. So I'm going to put it on the table. Just put the thing is...

Is that a child's ass? Yeah, is that like a 10-year-old black kid? Is that Malcolm in the Middle's ass? Steve, whoa. I don't know if we should timestamp this. No, no, no. You don't need to timestamp. This is going in.

At least no one can say our show doesn't have enough representation. Because this is a funeral for a small black child's ass. This is not a child. This is an adult. Stop shaming him. That's not an adult ass. I'm going to kiss you on the butthole. Oh, wow.

And then you guys, can you kiss each other? No. No, no, you have to. No, no, no. No, it's not happening, Stevie. No, we don't. I mean, I'd like to see it. Ew. This is like, oh my God. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, You have to kiss it. It's a funeral. You have to kiss it. I can't believe you're even touching it. Do you see that?

Steve has wrecked it. Steve has wrecked it. How do you know I used it? We know you used it, Steve. Because it's worn out. How do you know? It's got a good weight to it. There you go.

I like what you're doing. That's what I did. It's so tiny. Steve, this is so so little you might as well have the whole body can we do it can we do a little prayer why don't you just have the whole body steve this don't even make any sense that's how it came i want to do a prayer i just picked i just picked your steve at home like yeah say something why say something why it's talking shit to it it's tiny. Dude, this is a child's ass, Stevie. That's the way it came in the box, man. That's an adult butt.

That's an adult butt. There's no adult butt. It felt fantastic. It felt really good, man. You squeeze some Vaseline and lotion in there. Are you being facetious or have you really fucked that?

Oh, dude. It used to ride me. This has been his ride or die for like six years. Wow. How long have you had it, Stevie? Let's just do the funeral. And can you stop slapping it down?

God. I'm sorry, dude. Don't disrespect it. No. Just kiss it. No. Kiss it. Don't you fucking bring that in.

Dude, after all the shit you've done with it. No. Not a chance. Not a chance. Not happening. Steve, this is not going to happen. I can't. Dude, after all the shit you've done with... Not a chance. No. Steve, this is... This is not going to happen. I can't. You know I love you.

You know I love you. We're going to do a prayer. Ooh, look at the hair. Into the mic. We're going to do a prayer. He's touching it. Or just a moment of silence. Ten seconds?

Yeah, a moment of silence. Ten seconds. This is... Jesus Christ. 10 seconds 10 seconds I'm so concerned because it's a child's ass you know what's crazy he's hold on a second Steve's beat this thing up so much it looks like brendan's ear

this is a cauliflower right here i mean that might get us kicked off youtube nick oh my god oh geez wow Oh my God. Oh, geez. Wow. This one goes out to all the asses out there. All the silicone that has been abused and thoroughly loved. Too thoroughly. That thing's gotten Stevie through some dark times. The darkest times. Oh, wow.

I don't like the bag you brought it in. I'm not touching that. Steve, I have a question, Steve. Steve, question. Thanks for doing that. I'm disappointed in the size. Was that growth? That was growth. I don't know what that was. If you loved it so much,

why'd you bring it in like a plastic bag? No, Stevie, that was gross. Well, you should have taken my side. No, no, this is the thing because these guys, they gang up on me. I need you on my side. I can only take the side I want to take and I don't know. Now I'm alone in a corner. He's whispering to her like we can't hear him. Hey, Brendan. I need you on my side. He's like, I've done some vile

shit to that ass, okay? No, he's talked about it a lot. Yeah, a lot. It's been a reoccurring theme. It's been building up. He's always threatened to bring it in and he finally did today. But that was gross, right?

I know I'm gonna use it. Right? He always says it's this big. No, I say Theo's penis is that big. Wow. Do you think that was created out of loneliness or someone's attempt

to not get cheated on? Wait, say that again? Oh, like the actual ass? The fuck butt. Do you think it was loneliness? Guys, you can not get cheated on would say that again that oh like the actual ass the fuck butt do you think it was guys you can't get chicks i'd assume okay timestamp because i know you're referring to me because i'm the one with the butt your situation's different your situation's different i do have a question steve just think about it think about it think about it i have a question, though. Steve, this is a quick one. Think about it. Think about it. I have. My question is, did you get that color butt because maybe it was the cheapest or the only

one they had? Or did you actively be like, you know what? I want to try the black butt? Or was it discount? Why didn't you get like an Asian butt? Was it at discount? I'm curious. I'm curious.

It was given. See, that's the size I thought it was going to be. Yeah, me too. So what? You're a hypocrite, man. That's on the show. No, man. You're a hypocrite, man.

That's a show, Steve. You're a goddamn hypocrite. That's workaholics. That's proof that you used it too. By the way, that disappeared. No, you took that into your trailer, man. Someone took it. It disappeared.

You used it too, my friend. That's the little thing about it. It was given to me as a gift. I had no choice. What friend gave that to you used it too, my friend. That's the little thing about it. It was given to me as a gift. I had no choice. What friend gave you that as a gift? My friend David Cho. Oh. He's got a lot of money.

He could have sprung for the... Yeah, bigger ass. What do you mean? I know. What's it say about you that he picked the little one? It wasn't that little. That one's top of the line. It shrunk?

Well, I'm a little guy. Stevie, was he also like, hey, man, I know you're going through a tough time here. Yeah. I don't know what kind of friendship involves giving fuck butts. That's pure friendship right there. What are you talking about? Maybe. Are you saying it's enabling?

It is. If you had a really good vibrator. I have a couple good ones. Okay, you wouldn't gift that to a friend of yours? I was just going to say my girlfriend, Yamanika Saunders, when my dad died, sent me a vibrator. See? Oh, wow. It's the same thing.

Why are you judging me? Because I'm the bad guy. It's fun and I'm joining in. She's on that side. So you do use dildos and vibrators and stuff. Yeah, but I... Then why are you

shaming me that I have a black butt? It's different. It's not different. It's a little different. It's not different. It's the same. It's the same thing.

It's half a body. It's not different. I'm actually with Steve on this. Thank you, finally, for once in your life. You know why? Because the hypocrisy. I'm sure her side table is like a freaking Best Buy of, you know what I mean? I wish.

Now I need to go shopping. It's like a sharper image. Yeah. It's like, you know what I mean? Yeah. Thank you. They got all this machinery. Steve got one silicone black butt

and now we shame him for that. You know? You guys did. Yeah, we did. You did this to him. We're shaming him on the size. Yeah. That really bothers me.

Oh, so now we're getting down to the techniques of how we're shaming? Yeah. Yeah, because if it's a... How big are the dildos? Everybody at home. That's a personal question.

We'd have to be dating. I just showed you my black butt. Yeah, well, I didn't ask you to. I know, but how big is it like i'm gonna do this and then you tell me when to stop your fingers are so small we can't trust steve steve has bad depth perception guacamole i swear to god that that can't be aired that cannot be aired why

because you're you're shaming me now you might as well just say hey you have a micro penis holy moly I got distracted by your fingers

no absolutely not I got distracted Stevie since you've come on the show there's been some growth for you you've gotten moon tower you've gotten shopping

with your outfit now you got rid of this black ass thank you keep going you beat up a kid who lost 200 pounds I didn't want to fight I didn't want to wrestle that kid Moon Tower, you've gone shopping with your outfit now. Thank you. You got rid of this black ass. Thank you. Keep going. You beat up a kid who lost 200 pounds. I didn't want to fight. I didn't want to wrestle that kid. I like George.

I've never been more proud of you. I've never been more proud of you. Shout out to George. I love that kid. You beat George up? I had no choice. They tricked me. Just a minute.

I'll show you this. So this George kid, shout out to George. George, he was 450 pounds. And probably a year and a half ago, he goes, hey, my goal is to lose 200 pounds. And I want to wrestle Stevie because Stevie wrestled. So Nick surprised all this. He lost 250 pounds. He flies out here.

He surprised everybody. Watson in a singlet. So then after the show, him and Stevie wrestle. You forget Stevie was like a goddamn world champion California wrestler. I was right. Beat the shit out in this day. Takes him down like this. But George is such a good kid.

He's so nice. I didn't want to hurt the kid. The thing is, when we locked up, I felt the power of the weight. It felt like Thor's hammer on my neck. I felt him club my neck. A keto grizzly bear. What you didn't see, I try to do a move called a duck under,

but his arm was so big. Yeah. So I try to do that. That was like, I, that was one of my go-tos in high school, but his, yeah,

the, yeah, his arm was blocking it. So I'm like, okay, I need to end this now, or I need to at least try to shoot in. So I did the sweep single leg.

Speaking of like that, but so then this kid, I'm 130 something pounds. This kid, George, great kid, right? Just comes from nothing, works his ass off. So he's never been on a plane. He's never stayed at a nice hotel. He's a good kid.

I flew him to my San Antonio show. And I put him in, to me, it's the best hotel in America. Good for you, man. What is it? It's Hotel Emma in San Antonio. It's my favorite hotel in the world. So I got him the master suite at Emma. Yeah, because he's never stayed at a hotel.

Play that video, Nick. He's such a character, too. He's a good kid. Oh, it's a beautiful hotel. It's the best. Oh, wow. Five star? You know, they got free music on YouTube you can use.

Look at this kid. Oh, this is a great vlog. That's him later? That's him now Wow He was 450 pounds Good for him This is why I say

You gotta meet people When they're Meet a lot of people This kid don't give a fuck Yeah He's such a personality too Such a good kid He said he looks like

A bag of milk still He's super self-deprecative He's funny A bag of milk? Oh wow A lot of work to drop that much weight, though. Yeah, oh, man.

Yeah, he's doing it. And he is hardcore keto. Oh, he's adorable. He's a kitty. Are you kidding me? He's a kitty pop. He looks so sweet. He's so sweet, yeah.

And he's a good kid. Ooh, that looked like the black butt wink. They will not be at Coachella this year. Fans at the show were're giving them love man He's never done anything like this He must have had so much fun

What kind of venue are you doing? Thank you so much for coming out man I love you guys Before I close out tonight I gotta bring this gentleman on stage His name's George George was 450 pounds And he said dude if i lose 200 pounds i'll fly to la

and i will wrestle stevie i went dude you lose 200 fucking pounds i will fly you to la i will fly you to my show have you backstage and where george comes from he doesn't see stuff like this so the point of all this george is there's so much more to this world, man. You can fucking do it, brother. I love you, man. Keep it up. San Antonio, I love you guys. I was hoping I could see you take him down. You guys can get a video of that. I just body slammed him.

What was this? Thanks, George. Weight loss commercial I just watched. I was hoping I'd see you take him down. I like George a lot. I like him. I text him daily. He's a great guy.

He's very touching. How did he lose all that weight? Was it just good old exercise and diet? Keto. Keto. And then he got the tummy surgery. Oh, the gastric bypass? Yeah, he did that.

Wow. Yep. He looks young, too. You know what years he added to his life? He's 22. He's in his 20s, right? He's 22. Where is he from?

Our south of Chicago. Wow. So both brothers OD'd on heroin. Father is in basically a wheelchair because so much drug use. Mom works like 18 hours a day.

His sister, who's currently an addict, had kids. He takes care of the kids. So he's just like the best fucking kid, man. Can we start a

GoFundMe or something for this guy? Yeah. To keep his stuff together? You know what I mean? The fact that he took initiative to get his shit in order motivation

that's what I told him and he's just a real sweet personality he's such a good person and that's a really good like story about what it takes to make change

like you are capable of changing what your story could become but also think about the chaos that he's in like me and him went to dinner

after the show on Saturday oh no you don't have to show up man she wants to see it but I want to hear what you're going to in. Me and him went to dinner after the show on Saturday. Oh, no, you don't have to show up, man. She wants to see it. Well, I want to hear what you're going to say. Yeah, well, so we went to dinner on Saturday because I had to do this charity thing before the show, so I didn't get a ton of time with him. Then brought him backstage, and you're getting ready for a show, so I can't talk to him a ton. Then after the show, we went to dinner, and he stuck to his keto diet.

There was chips and salsa in front of him, chicken wings. He didn't touch it. He had a spinach salad with chicken. He walks the walkman it's terrible awful that's what i thought i said god that looks terrible but um but he'll get into a groove but but but he was telling me about like his whole family and his sister and his brothers and i'm like tearing up and chapelle's next you know chapelle's been through some shit man chapelle grew up a rough lifestyle so chapelle's into it and i was just like dude you were dealt these cards man and not I'm like tearing up and Chappelle's next to me. Chappelle's been through some shit, man. Chappelle grew up a rough lifestyle. So Chappelle's into it.

And I was just like, dude, you were dealt these cards, man. And it sucks. You were dealt these cards. You can fold and go down the road that your brothers and sister went down or you can fucking play the game, dude. And I was like, the reason I brought you out here is this is the game, dude. This is the fucking game, George. And you can do this, man. People have such a, you have a choice between the story you were dealt in the story you can tell yep and and will the story that you've been dealt be the one that you tell for yourself and this is like such a great think

about all the stories he hears yes all this shit life is a series of choices and sticking with them and the hardest thing for people to do is actually make a choice because they're always thinking about the future now let's's watch Stevie beat the show. Yeah, let's watch that. But I was so proud of Stevie, I'd pick him up. Stevie's too gotsy. I can tell by Stevie's movement. You just went for the duck under there.

Yeah, yeah, I told you. Yeah, he's locked. Oh, wow. He's a strong boy. He almost got Steve right there. But watch, like, boom. Oh, wow. That's when Steve almost tore his acl the poor kid

wow all right you can stop it yeah but you know i had to do it because i felt his his power no you had to do it did you have your fuck butt on a shelf somewhere cheering you on yeah it was like clapping i'm not on my side i thought you got i was so proud of these dude i pick them up you're a strong strong man good say that again you're a strong strong man boom fully redeemed yourself you have very very tender hands all right nick let's get to the show shout out to george yeah we love george yeah george who's hungry out there maybe you're watching this podcast right now king of seeing i. I'm starving.

I don't feel like going or I got work to do. I got to pick up the kids. I don't have time. We'll let my friends at Grubhub help you out, man. Best thing about Grubhub, Grubhub loves restaurants, man. They love restaurants and they want to drop off the food the way it was intended from restaurants. Restaurants work hard to serve the customers.

So Grubhub works hard for them. For example, Grubhub works hard to serve restaurants, and that's why they paired up with Panera Bread, man, and they're doing a little extra with Panera. Today, Grubhub's doing a lot for Panera. Get a free delivery perk on your first order from Panera of $15 or more. Order through the Grubhub app or online.

Grubhub. We serve restaurants. Man. How many of you, Mayor Collins are sick of the high deductible health insurance plans it's exhausting, man. And then you go and you're on the hook for thousands of dollars on deductibles, copays, sky high premiums. I'm sick of it. Introducing CrowdHealth.

If you're sick of it, man, it isn't health insurance. It's a better way to pay medical expenses, man. That's exactly what it is. It's flexible. Membership as a monthly subscription. Start or stop when it's convenient for you. All right? They have simple, transparent pricing.

All right? Customized to fit your needs. CrowdHealth lowers your monthly health care costs. All right? And you can see any doctor you want, man. It's simple. You use their app. You find a doctor in the area. Ranked from one to five stars.

Probably go more towards the five star. i'd probably stay away from one star we're talking about health here uh membership right they have a community of health conscious members who want to get and stay healthy in return for lower prices crowd health is able to offer amazing prices because of its community of health conscious members but for limited time the king's thing listeners and viewers get their first month free. And after you've been a member, CrowdHealth will include a fitness wearable. That's 30 days to try risk-free plus a fitness wearable. Just go to joincrowdhealth.com slash fit.

Enter the code K-A-T-S at signup. That's joincrowdhealth.com slash fit. Promo code K-A-T-S. CrowdHealth is not health insurance. It's a community-powered alternative. Terms and conditions may apply. Join CrowdHealth dot com slash fit promo code K-A-T-S.

It's always weird. I go, we haven't started the show yet. Oh, no, this is recording? All right, let's get into the show. I'm glad you guys are loose. Got to know each other. We'll start. Now, what color dildo do you think she has? Oh, it's multicolored. Turquoise. Yeah. We'll start. Now, what color dildo do you think she has? Oh, it's multicolored.

Turquoise. Yep. For sure. Colored. Unicorn. It's just solid. That Jason beanie is sick. Is it a beanie?

It's dark, juicy. Is that a beanie? And then it says 666 on her neck? Yeah. Wow. My name's Mandy. I'm 20. I live in Rochester, New York.

This is my dog, King. He's nine and he lives in Rochester, New York. This is my dog, King. He's nine and he lives in Rochester, New York. I have a king it or sting it for you guys. My king it or sting it is body modifications. Tattoos and piercings have become more and more mainstream over the years. Not as controversial as I have anymore. But I'm talking about where you actually go all the way to modify your body, like remove a part.

Or, you know, enhance it. I have two-inch ears. I have a piece of my ear cut off. What? Did I keep it in the jar? She kept it? No. And then I have a throat piercing.

And, yes, that is a real tattoo. I have 666 on my throat. Gangster. So, Kenya is singing. Game, game, buzz, buzz. Well, she's not going to get a job at Wells Fargo. Well, let66 on my phone. Gangster. So, Kenya is singing. Game, game, buzz buzz. Well, she's not getting a job at Wells Fargo. Well, let me start. Yeah.

Can I start? They need to start showing, because now it's 2021. We've lived in modern times for a while now. They need to start showing old ladies. Yes. Who've done this stuff. With their ears. And let's see how they're living now.

Because your ears still, no matter what, they droop down. Then you also have that? Yeah. So they look like fucking hound dogs? I just want to see, like, show these people. Show what the tattoo looks like when you're now 70. Show what your ears look like. Show what your nose looks like.

Show all the things that you've done and see how is it going to be when you're 60 plus. But have you ever seen a 70-year-old where you're like, damn, they look dope? Yeah. Very rare. There's a couple on Instagram. You're going to look look like shit no matter what might as well pierce it up or tattoo your face well then there you go but the other thing i'm confused why'd she cut off her ear there you go i love it this is what you need to see i'm here for it her issues are makeup that foundation is yeah that makeup's jar am i right it's more you know what am i right you know what i'm glad you showed that can we see? That's probably a good example right there. What's that couple? Who's that couple? Wow.

That's love. That's real love. Damn, that is cool. Did she say she cut her ear off? They look like Victorian lamps. You know what? That's actually distracting. Or two rugs rolled up.

I feel like there should be but what does she mean by like people who make themselves look like lizards and stuff that too but like all body modifications or vampires I mean more power to you they've been doing Africa for how fucking long where they put the plates in their lip if that's what you want to do and it's kind of an attention thing I think

I just don't find it attractive it's not sexier there's cool things you want to do, and it's kind of an attention thing, I think, I just don't find it attractive. Yeah. You know what? It's not sexier. You know what? There's cool things you do to enhance your body that would be pretty sexier. Oh, there's a term. As the oldest person here, I don't want to be like the crotchety old guy.

No, but please. You know, but no, but I was, when I said that and they Googled that stuff and they showed the older people, I was like, you know what? This is fine. It's fine. It's fine it's fine you know what i mean and actually that that those body tattoos of those old people we're actually distracted about how disgusting and old they look you know what i mean you know what i mean it's almost like oh that's actually dope it's kind of dope yeah you know so i'm like you know what more power to you i'm king in it i'm the heart king for me i just don't find the right thing i other thing, I'm confused.

I don't know why she cut her ear off. That's an interesting. Is that a new thing? I wonder what, like the gauges? They call it gauging, right? No, it's not there. B-I-I-D. Body integrity identity disorder. But did she cut her ear so it's pointy?

She had a piece. I don't know, man. She put it in a jar. She put it in a jar, dude. The word disorder makes it not good. See, that's why I think the more... Cut it off. Well, the disorder

is the people that turn into actual lizards. But at what point does it teeter into disorder? And I'm all for individuality. Bring up the lizard guy or girl.

They split their tongue. Well, I gotta sting it because I don't like the ear thing. I have to sting that one. I don't find the ear thing sexy. The ear thing's interesting,

but I think that leans more into maybe the disorder thing and I'm all here for living your life, living your truth, do your thing, but there is a limit. Go to the guy on the far left. See that vampire teeth? That's a disorder. I don't know about that.

That should be accompanied with some really heavy therapy, and I mean that with love. They probably drink blood. They could be as kids. People that live in communes and people that have like, I mean, this person's not going to be like and you know what I mean? Well, here's the thing though. They could be as kids. But you know, if you live, people that live in communes and people that have like, I mean, this person's not going to be like, you know, you're not going to, you're not going to swipe right on Tinder, but the person that is, they probably be like, Ooh, I like this. I mean, there's obviously people that like this.

I don't get it. A small niche. I'm not into it. Yeah, me neither. I would never in my life do that ever. But it's like, it is what it is. So that's not it. That's not makeup.

That's a tattoo. Yeah. he put implants in his hair he they file their teeth so they're sharp like a whoa he's not from a commune that's from middle earth that's insane that's that's that's that's from a different realm yeah i don't know i'm feeling something like i feel like why do we you see this and you feel bad for them and i'm trying not to know how to answer because how does that end like how does it end for her? I mean, I guess you can work in a circus off Venice. Yeah. Like, there's not going to be a lot of career choices there.

That's why you feel bad. I feel like the community. But that's my own perception. If he pulled up in an Uber, he'd be like, oh, next one, Doug. But I'm saying this. This is our perception of what we think is normal. Like, I wouldn't get an Uber with that fucking... He wouldn't pull up in an Uber.

He would crawl to you. He's crawling. There's no Uber, that guy. And he'd be driving Lyft. That's how Uber drives. He's in a lime green fucking Civic. Oh, that's some shade on Lyft.

He's in a carriage. Did you king or sting it? We need to get her vote. Did you king or sting it? I king it because I think life is so short. Go crazy, do your thing. But I also think

it needs to be accompanied with some deep... Betterhelp.com promo code cats. Yep. Betterhelp.com for sure. Better crazy. Do your thing. But I also think it needs to be accompanied with some deep therapy. Betterhelp.com. Some psychotherapy. Yep. Betterhelp.com for sure. Betterhelp.com slash cats. Yep.

Slash Griffin, actually. Okay. You got your own shit. All right. My bad. Slash cats. All right. King of the sting.

I'll move on to a different one. But I have one too. All right. Oh, yeah. King of the sting. Duh. Is this like a cute Ari Shaffir? Yes.

What's up, guys? It's Eric out here in L.A., and I've got a debate club topic for you. I don't know if you saw it, but over the weekend, Nick Cage got into a little trouble in Vegas. He got kicked out of a restaurant for being pretty drunk,

starting fights with some of the staff, and he was also mistaken for a homeless person at one point. He's getting a lot of shit across the world right now, just people really making fun of him. And I think we need to step back and just really remember how important Nick Cage was to all of us and just what his movies mean. So my debate club topic for you all is what is your favorite Nick Cage movie? Mine is Con Air and his new movie, Jiu-Jitsu. Thanks, guys.

Gang, gang. Buzz, buzz. Con Air, great movie. Con Air's a classic. Put the bunny back in the box. What other movies did he have? Face Off was big. National Treasure was big.

Yeah, both of them, too. The recent one, Pig, is a great performance by him. Really? I heard nothing happens. What's that one? You know what happens? Nick Cage gets into a realm he's never really been in, which is real acting.

No, that's not true. Leaving Las Vegas, he was good in there. He's great in leaving Las Vegas. That was his first movie. Well, he never left Las Vegas because look at this. He misses him in Vegas. That's really him? But I mean, this guy always does his work. He has Under Armour sandals on. He's been in the most movies ever.

I'm not going to be surprised if in a year a movie comes out and this is a sandals on. Wait, guys. He's been in the most movies ever. I'm not going to be surprised. I'm not going to be surprised if in a year a movie comes out and this is a character that he's practicing too into it. Leaving Las Vegas too.

So many actors have done that. Jim Carrey's done that. Oh, Don in 60 Seconds. Remember the one, remember that movie Joaquin Phoenix made that was like,

I'm still here. Yeah, I'm still here. I'm still here. That was sort of a mockumentary type thing. I wouldn't be surprised if he's just preparing for a role. That's a good point. Yeah, I'm still here. I'm still here. That was sort of a mockumentary type thing. I wouldn't be surprised if he's just preparing for a role. That's a good point. Yeah, or he's just batshit crazy.

You know what he does with his money? He bought a real T-Rex. He pays his taxes. I don't know if he does. He got in a little bit of trouble. Oh, he didn't get in a little bit of trouble. He bought a straight up medieval castle, and then he put real dinosaur bones in it. And his business manager

was like dude this T-Rex skull is like 70 million dollars he's like buy it and now he's like that's why he's making shitty movies no no

because he's just trying to like pay for all this random shit but I think he has serious tax issues and for the last 10 years he was making any movie

that he could make just to pay it off and just to pay it off and I think he's probably out of debt and now he has some money and he's like doing what he wants to do with it yeah i think you're right i think it's probably a character those underarmor sandals would beg the difference as far as money goes but i feel you i don't know you want to live rich you got

to look poor a lot a lot of people live like that look at warren buffett he's like one of the richest dudes dude i used to go to mcdonald's i know exactly i used to go to clipper games a lot i was you know um i had like not a flex but I had tickets with Adam, you know what I mean, to mine. And we had great seats. But the guys that were sitting in the front row, I mean, sweats, like just looking terrible. You know what that is? Billionaires. Yeah, yeah, no doubt.

It's smart. That's how you get that. There's a difference between being rich and wealthy. There's also lack of fashion sense, too. You know what I'm saying? Like, they just don't give a fuck. No, no. Because they're buying professionals.

I get that. But here's the thing though. Yeah. They're buying whores. The old white guys that are just like, you go, who's this guy? They're the ones with the money. Yep. You know?

And then like, you know, some rapper will come in with like, you know, just like all these chains. Well, it's about image and essence. Just look at stupid. There's a fine line. There's a fine line. There's a fine line. You don't need to wear sweats to the goddamn game.

You know what I'm saying? Your image, you're not worried about looking rich. You're worried about being rich. People who look rich are usually broke as fuck. Yeah. Sometimes.

Or their wealth won't last because they don't understand what it takes to retain wealth. For sure. Yeah. I don't know why I yelled about that. I'm very passionate about finances because I come from a broke family.

You guys keep referring rappers, you know? And I feel, you know? Obviously, they're bad with money, but there's a lot of rich people that have good fashion sense, you know? There's a few. Name somebody.

There's like six. On the top of your head. Show the top 10 billionaires in the world. And let me see if they floss. Steve Jobs. Steve Jobs. We don't even wear turtlenecks. I'm dressed like Bill Gates right now.

Elon. Elon. Elon. Elon dressed basic. Elon's basic. He's in t-shirts and jeans. And he wears a suit when he has an event. Yeah.

Who else? Customized. I don wears a suit when he has an event. Who else? Customized. Mark Cuban's not bad. They're basic suits. Jerry Seinfeld? T-shirts and shorts. Jay Seinfeld don't got. He's wearing sneakers.

We're talking about money, money. Who's he? We're talking about wealth. This is a fashion mogul named James Goldstein. That's a witch. He's at every NBA game he could possibly be at. That looks like the Crypt Keeper thing. Yeah, he's tough looking. So this is what

Indiana Jones looks like now. That's Tiger King 3. That looks like something that Nick Cage bought to put in his house. Nick Cage is practicing to play him in a bio doc. Yeah, that's what he's doing. A bio doc. Alright, what else you got, Nick? Alright, so to catch Jesse May up, one time we did a Cats dating game. A girl

said she was looking for love. The guy she thought she was going to marry dumped her. So she was like, if you guys can find someone for me, we did a little dating game. And this girl. Dime piece. She's attractive, huh? She's beautiful. That was a couple months ago.

Do you think she needs our help? Is she a good person and smart? We have no idea. That's the problem with society we look at women and we go she's beautiful

instead of like what does she contribute and is she educated yeah but we're not playing an audio of her like doing a dissertation well you should

then we'd be like oh she sounds smart all we know off of is we're showing a picture yeah this is a video she tells us a little bit I don't need a TED talk

from her fair enough so we're gonna see her submission and we'll bring her in look at some guys for her and then she's gonna Okay. This is a video. She tells us a little bit about herself. Yeah, I don't need a TED Talk from her. Fair enough. Yeah. Fair enough. Yeah. So we're going to see her submission and we'll bring her in, look at some guys for her, and then she's going to talk. And then help her pick the guy? Yeah. So I sent her, because last time it was hard to coordinate the Zooms, I sent her the audio of all the submissions and she already picked three.

So those guys are scheduled. But we're going to look at the other ones she went through. That's awesome. Nice. Where does she live? Do we know? York, PA. Do you have info on her? Oh, we're going to listen. Okay. Got it. Hi, Brendan. to look at the other ones she uh went cool that's awesome where does she live do we know uh your pa do you have info on her oh we're gonna listen okay got it hi brendan eric theo and stevie

my name is lex i listened to your podcast episode was cat's dating game and i saw that the last girl got engaged and i'm hoping to have that same outcome if you guys feature me on an episode i'm 25 i'm'm from York, PA, and I like working out at the gym, running in the park, playing with my dog, and hanging out with my friends. On the weekends,

you'll find me working my job outside on a barn at a winery in Maryland. I somewhat recently just got out of a two-year-long relationship with a narcissist, and I just have to say I'm really glad I'm putting myself back out there. Good for you. the types of guys I'm looking for are

built active outgoing but also dependable and I also don't mind talking to guys outside of my area back from you she wants a miracle I want a really in shape guy who it's like she's probably around it all the time. You're attracted to fuck boys and that's what you get. You know, the problem is sometimes with people I can speak from a female perspective is you swing the opposite direction. Well, you got like, you know, I identify you guys don't know how I identify you. Well, so she dealt with a narcissist and it probably burned her. And sometimes to compensate, you swing all the way to—

So she's looking for a soy boy. But that's not sustainable. No. Because it's not your match. Can I ask a question, though, since you're giving the female space? Just a quick question. I'll even ask her the same question. The question goes out.

It's like, he didn't become a narcissist. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Well, maybe he did. Was that her life? Yeah, of course he became a narcissist. So he was a great guy, and then he turned into a narcissist? Maybe he got a switch.

Oh, it was really like this really attractive guy that you got to know when you were like, let's ask her. Let's ask her. Yeah, well, that's what I'm saying. Give us the scoop. What's up, girl? Hi. Give us the scoop, girl.

Hey, we just had some questions about your last relationship. You said he was a narcissist. Yeah, when did he become a narcissist, or you just didn't see him? Did he win the lottery and then became an asshole? I'm sure the last thing you want is a bunch of men screaming at you about your failed relationship let me let me filter that for you first of all hello how are you nice i'm good how are you i'm good here's the question here's the question they mean to ask when did you recognize his narcissism first well i feel like i didn't really know what a narcissist was until towards the end until i had a friend describe it to me and then i was like wow

he liked that so damn they like that beginning so i was having all the red flags in front of my face and i didn't even catch it so does that mean then there is something about a narcissist that you were super attracted to? Good point. Which is my point. Yes. No, I don't know. It's kind of hard. Um, they're like super manipulative and I don't know, I guess they just pick on weaker people. So no, no, no. You know what? I have to step in. You're not weak. No, when someone is super manipulative, when someone is like the narcissist like that, you're not weak because you got taken by that.

It just means that you're sensitive and loving and you were open and you were vulnerable. And people like that take advantage of those type of people. You're not wrong. You weren't bad. That guy's just, he just is that way so don't it's not your fault because that's you blaming yourself it's not your fault all right it's not your fault but don't do that shit again you gotta armor yourself no you know you have to also like recognize all i'm saying is this you have to recognize what you're attracted to yep and take

some more time to find out about the person other than he's athletic and attractive yep facts yeah now was he a successful narcissist it's a good question are you paying his rent no no actually i was living with him and he was paying rent i don't know i guess just more so like controlling like I didn't really go out with my friends that much Oh man, he's into you I got really depressed It was just bad It sounds more than narcissism, it sounds like there's like

another personality disorder going on, I dealt with that before, I had to get a restraining order, I dealt with the same type of narcissism, and you start questioning yourself, like how did I get here? Like, am I crazy? Yes.

Start thinking you're crazy. The answer is yes. And I'm saying that. And the answer is yes. Because you allowed it in your life. I don't know much about you, but for her. No, but it's a good point. Like, you attracted that sort of individual.

And, you know, now red flags wave. And I was like, yeah, let me be on this emotional roller coaster for the rest of my life. But now is the time for you to, like, switch it up and be with some nice men and age is a thing too you're 25 now you were 22 23 when you met this guy you were like you know it was just like you were having fun and i was gonna get that and now you're looking like you know what i'm thinking about my future and what kind of person do i want to be with and i get that you say hey i want to be with a person that looks and feels in this certain way and i want them to be this this and this you this. You might not get all that, but try to get 80% of it. I'm surprised because obviously you're an attractive girl.

You know this. I'm surprised you're not meeting guys at the gym. There's usually a ton of dudes at the gym. You don't want to meet one of those guys. I don't want to meet anyone at the gym because if it's bad, then they're ruining my sanctuary. And I don't. What's your ethnicity if you don't mind me asking? You don't shit where you live.

I'm black and white. Okay. Should we watch some of these submissions for her? Yeah, let's see if we can help you out here. I don't think it's going to be that tough for you to find a date. But we'll see what happens here. She's not looking for just a date. She's looking for the one.

Hey, man, one step at a time. A soulmate. Okay. What's up, Lex? I am. She's looking for the one. Hey man, one step at a time. What's up, Lex? I'm Joaquin. I'm 25 years old. No. We're out. Same state. Awesome. Fuck yeah. Real quick, trying to keep this short and sweet.

Teach cooking classes, kids cooking classes. I bounce at a nightclub and I'm trying to get into MMA. I got my first Muay Thai fight coming up on Halloween. So I'm hyped about that. Worked my way down from 260 to 170, 175. Discipline. On the day. Height.

Very, very important for females. I get it. 5'9". Put me in the right shoe. I'm going to get up to about 5'10", 5'11". It's about to be winter. I'm being booed to get close to 6 foot. Yes.

So, close. Yeah. He seems nice. Pretty much all you're going to say. You are absolutely gorgeous. I would love to take you out on a date sometime. I like him. He's confident.

Other than that, that's all I got. I like him. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz. I like him. She had a problem. She cut him off. He has a man bun.

You shook your head. Why did you shake your head? The tank top. No. You're thinking something. You know what's so hilarious? Can I point out something right now? It throws me off.

Can I point out something right now? So when we were looking at her picture and she was all like, well, we can't just like, you know, she's pretty, but what is she? How is her personality? Tank top. Yeah. So you just see a tank top and you know everything about him? You don't like it.

Image is important to him. But look, he's dropped like 100 pounds, so he's disciplined. He's just chilling at his house. Give him a chance. I'm 50-50 on him. I'm like, I'm not sure. I'm 50-50. So her tank top's okay?

She's his girlfriend. How tall are you? How tall are you? I'm 5'7 1⁄2". Dude, 5'9 works But does it work? Yeah No

She wears heels when she goes out He's not 5'2 She needs to buy 6 foot I see it in her face Just say it She's not short She doesn't want the little guy She knows

She knows Would you date a shorter guy? Would you date a shorter guy? No No Well I'm asking her Never I mean I'd go on a date with a shorter guy But I wouldn't date a shorter guy? No. Well, I'm asking her. Never. I mean, I'd

go on a date with a shorter guy, but I wouldn't marry a shorter guy. She's not putting an ING at the end of that date. Should we timestamp this, Steve? Timestamp. Let's see what this guy has going on. That's a timestamp. This guy seems serious. Hey, Lex. This is Ricky. I actually just got

out of bed to make this video, so it shows that I'm willing to put in the effort when time is required. A little effort. No. What's your problem? I'm working on my transition out of the Navy, so I'll have plenty of time. I like Terry. I like it.

I'm going to be unemployed and go on these walks with your dog in the park. You got those DSLs? I am a loyal Jacksonville Jaguars fan. They're terrible. They support you even at your worst, and I've been a fan foruars fan. They're terrible. I support you even though that's your worst. And I've been a fan for about 20 years. Oh, wow. I got to send him down to Annapolis.

What did he say? He's being an asshole. What did he say? He's being an asshole. I said he got those DSLs. Yeah, he does. He does, though. I'm done.

He's a cute guy. Why are you shouting this guy? We're not shaving him. Yeah, you guys are laughing at him. No, DSLs is good. Have a great day. He seems nice. He seems real serious.

Yeah. And also, if he's going to force you to watch Jacksonville Jaguar games, they're the worst team in the league. And are you a Ravens fan? They're going to be good. I'm not really any fan. I like to watch football. But, I mean, Ravens is probably the best right now.

So, I guess, yeah. I don't know. Were you feeling his energy? i don't feel a lot of it i'd like to give him a monster energy drink have him redo it the way he started the video by saying he got out of bed just to make it so there's his like what is that i know and then but also then he said he was in the military which early rise is standard no i got you but what i'm saying is the way it came across is like,

it don't feel like effort. You know, like he just said, I rolled out of bed and I made this. He's like, girl, I'll do anything for you.

I got out of bed. Yeah, she's motivation, exactly. Wait, but to his credit though, he thinks, in his mind, he thought he did something good. We have to remember that.

Like his intention wasn't bad. I think he was trying to be funny. Yeah. I don't think he was trying to be funny. If that's bad. I think he was right funny Look how fucking friendly looks in that picture. Yeah, he does look very friendly in that picture, but so did Ted Bundy He's traditionally handsome now now see better now is he better looking than the first guy because I I don't think so. I think so. I like the first guy so far. We should try not to alert her of the looks. She hasn't seen him. Oh, she hasn't seen him?

No, she's only... Oh, this is blind date shit? She will meet them once we bring them on Zoom, but she's Zooming. First of all, she's going to like this guy. I just don't like him. Straight up. I go with what she said. She's going to like this guy.

I don't think so. Yeah, I think you will. I don't think so. I'm going with what she said. Right off the bat. Can we do side bets? I like the bets. Yeah, I don't think so. The going with what she said. Right off the bat. Can we do side bets? I like the bets. Yeah, I don't think so.

The red flag for me is right off the bat, this guy wants some extra credit points for doing the bare minimum. No thank you. Right. Exactly. Tough. Okay, I know.

Girls, ladies, ladies, ladies. Bare minimum, bye. Ladies, I do think that this is part of his personality. He's military, so he's reserved. Bye, Felicia. Okay, and I think, listen to you, and I think that he just, that's part of his personality. He's military, so he's reserved. Bye, Felicia. Listen to you. I think that he just, that's part of his personality, but I really think

he meant well. No way. That's a handsome man right there. Set this one on fire. That's a handsome man. He likes long distance relationships. He looks short. He looks strong. Let's just start with, do you like men with hair on their head?

Justin, no. I didn't know what you were going to say. Oh, that's hilarious. You're going to want this guy. I guarantee you that. King in the sting. This is, you know, a guy submitting his love application for Lex, that tall drink of water. A few things about me.

I am 5'7 and heel, so you will have to deal with that. It will draw more attention to us, even though you're super fine, so I don't think we'll have that problem. I work for the biggest podcast in the world, so that's pretty cool. I do video for them, travel everywhere. Very crazy lifestyle, but you could come along for the ride. I would say I would come pick you up, take you to dinner, but my car drives itself.

Shout out Elon Musk. He would be in the backseat. Got a Tesla. Weird. Got a Tesla. And just, you know, catching a real vibe with each other. It can be nice. It's going to be fun. You know, if we hit it off, maybe we'll go to Paris, Rome,

maybe Burbank, maybe even Malibu. I don't know. We're going to figure it out. And I think there's going to be a real spark between us. So hopefully you pick me. And if you don't, you know, it is what it is, baby. Definitely the best submission video. I don't like how he called her baby. He's a goddamn keeper, that guy.

I love the travel spectrum of Paris to Burbank. Yeah, because he really means Paris, Las Vegas. Dude, he's witty. The hotel in Las Vegas. You're going to want this guy. I guarantee you that. He's witty. You're going to want him. He's fun.

He's fun. He's a keeper. He looks like the friendliest one out of the bunch. And he's not contributing to the CO2 emissions in the world. Bye, Felicia. All right. Is this the last one, Nick? We got two more.

Okay. Hey, guys. This is my submission for Lex. I was just about to hit this heavy bag for a minute, and I was on Instagram, and I seen Lex, and I got to submit because she's the real knockout. Okay. My name is Tyler. Tyler Perry, like Medea. Well, hello.

I look a lot like him, too, apparently. But I'm 24 years old. I'll be 25 in March. I'm a contractor. I do home remodeling. I live in Walton, Kentucky, which is like 20 minutes from Cincinnati, if you're familiar. But I got a very reliable car and I'm very mobile, so I can drive to Maryland, no problem. I love to work out, I love to run as well.

When I'm not at work, which I do work a lot, you can find me in the gym or hanging out with my family. I'm a pretty chill guy. He's a solid dude dude solid. That's it Well, I saw my red my red flag is that earring? What's wrong with this is a lot is the life is a lot I can't even see he has a John B vibe going yeah So do you by the way really do I look how excited he got

he's like he's like he's like woo woo woo woo woo woo yeah yeah people want to play the piano

right now sing to ladies here's the thing about this guy I'm coming next week with a fade a tight fade like John Doe

Eric's woo woo with like lines right here you know the only thing about this guy is if he shaved his beard he'd look 11 I need to see under the hat but he's a solid you can tell he's a solid with like lines right here. You know, the only thing about this guy is if he shaved his beard, he'd look 11. I need to see under the hat.

But he's a solid, you can tell he's a solid human being. He has a real job. This dude is blue collar, girl. If that's what you want, he's gonna work hard. He's probably not gonna cheat on you. He can fix stuff. I don't know about that.

Oh, because the earring? No, but cheating isn't like a fiscally specific thing. He looks skinny, too. He's a skinny guy. He's in shape.ally specific thing. He looks skinny, too. He's a skinny guy. He's in shape. He's skinny. He's skinny in shape.

He could just be hat cute, though. We got to watch out. I'm out here trying to tell you, like, something today. The reason I think I'd be a good fit is I'm fit. I love to work out. Snowboard, rock climb, go paddle boarding every weekend. Is he out of Orange Julie's? He's out of the show.

And I'm out of the race. Orange Julie's. Is he? No, no. weekend is he had an orange julie's is he no no the thing with this guy he didn't understand like he's probably never made a video like this before he's super nervous we gotta let him talk we gotta let him come on because that's like he didn't know how to make a video we don't we don't. We don't need to let him. He was tying his shoe in the video. He had his chance and it failed. Bye. You are judging. You know what? Why is it?

You are judging. No, I'm not judging. I'm with her, though. Who doesn't judge? You're being harsh on all these guys, actually. Who doesn't judge? You're being harsh

on her in favor. That's what's happening. I am being harsh on her. It's the first two. You are. And we know. Boo Boo is the first two. That guy's not.

No, I like it. She's at a different level. I'm going to say it's slim picking, sis. How dare you? Lex, why don't you let us know which guys you picked? It might surprise us. I'll say Ricky.

Who was Ricky? Maybe. Of course. I told you. Yeah, this guy. Tyler, the one that had. Earring. Earring. Okay. Oh, boy.

And I guess that last guy we just talked to. Orange Julius. He sounds pretty. Orange Julius. What? Wow. Let me ask you this. Now, I'm biased, but you didn't like the guy with the man bun and he was a fighter?

I've seen him. He hasn't seen him. But she heard him, though. Yeah, but she didn't like the vibe he was man bun and he was a fighter? He hasn't seen him. But she heard him, though. Yeah, but she didn't like the vibe he was saying. Oh, here they are. Are these the guys? Yes, they're here. Oh, wow.

And your face. Can she see them now? Here we go. Does she see the one guy with the exact same nose as Theo? Oh, he went out. He was missing. Tyler's got that white R&B vibe. Oh, is Tyler in the military?

Yeah. Tyler, are you in the military? Doom, doom, doom, da, da. No, I'm not. Doom, doom, da, da. No, what's the top guy with feels, though? That's Brandon. Brandon, are you in the military?

Yes, sir. Oh, that makes sense. Okay. I told you he would. I told you he would. I told you he just didn't know how to make a video properly. I like Brandon. Brandon, you're my new favorite.

Brandon, fix the back of your thing. Your big ass shoulders are like, oh, look how his shape is. He's wearing his uniform. Look at G.I. Joe over here. Did you make that video at the commissary at the station there? It was in the mess hall. No, I was. So I have two jobs.

When I'm out of here, I was at work at the gym. So I made it while I was on shift there. At the smoothie bar? He's cute. He's cute. He's the one. He's a hunk. Well, where's this other guy?

Why is he taking so long to join? I don't like how long his name is. Yeah. Hey, dude, pick a last name. Unless you're an actor. Unless you're an actor. Right, are you married? Are you married?

Is this hyphenated? Unless you're an actor, you can't have three names. Yeah, yeah, dude. That's what happens when parents start hyphenating names. You go down generations. It just continues. It's also three last names it kind of says. So how do you want to do this, Nick?

Is she going to talk to him? I think she can ask him questions and you guys can all pick. They know they're just only going to speak when spoken to, essentially. Oh, another officer. Oh, shit. Just got real. Told you. Barbie versus the Navy.

Holy smokes. This is a real competition. Holy moly. Yep. Okay. Hello. It's getting interesting now. We make dreams happen in this motherfucker.

Officer to gentleman. When you wish upon a star. Well, you want to kick it off, Nick? You want to kick off the... Sure. One question we had for Tyler. We were wondering if you're just hat cute He's got a hat on yeah

You just had cute He got a six head. He's cute. He's a cutie pie. They're all adorable. God, these are good pics. Three handsome men. The suit really... Very handsome.

That's a bold move, sir. All of them. If he was in a dark alley, though, I don't know. Who would you want? If two robbers came. Some shit was going down. Some shit was going down. Broderick, a thousand percent.

Top right. Really? Yes. I don't know. Broderick, a thousand percent. Top right. Really? I don't know. Broderick looks like he's got some more experience under his belt. Yeah, he's seen some stuff. He's stoic. But you know what? Tyler's the one that hits the bag. So he don't let, you know what I mean?

These two on the right kill people. I think everybody picks someone and ask them a question so we can learn a little bit more about them. Do you want to take the dime piece to the bottom left with the hair? Tyler? Yeah. Okay, Tyler,

where would you first take our lovely lady if you were able to take her someplace? There's a really cool park in Cincinnati. She says she likes parks. That's where bitches go missing maybe maybe there okay that's kind of you know what let me tell you what i liked about that answer okay is he listens yeah he heard she liked the park yeah he take it apart he didn't try to floss like i'm gonna take her to some nice restaurant he goes like no boo

i'm gonna take her to what she likes okay i like I like that. I like that too. Women go missing in parks, I'm just saying. Eric, you got a question? You want me to go? Let me go with top right guys. That was my guy? No, no, no. You like that, so that's why I'm picking him. You have to answer that. So top right. Top right. The last relationship she was in, the guy was

a narcissist. How are you different? Uh-oh. That's Brandon we were referring to all right I don't know I didn't have Brandon you Brandon yeah definitely not a narcissist like yeah just always let the other person talk I grew up big family and stuff so you definitely gotta get your word in but like everybody chips you down if you're feeling too high on yourself. Humble. His family humbled him.

He's humble. Humble. I'll tell you what. Look at them on the left. Do they have kids right now? Look at them. I know. I know.

I just think Broderick. Broderick's just waiting to. Hey, Broderick, how old are you? I just turned 30 this summer. Good age. Wow. Responsible now. And Broderick, why did your last relationship end?

My last relationship ended because I moved from Seattle to Annapolis, and the long distance didn't work too well. Where are you now? Tough not to pick me up. I just moved to Annapolis, Maryland. How close is that to your CA? Close. Oh, it's close? Yeah.

Less than an hour. Can I ask Broderick a question? Please. Broderick, if you're going to be long distance with our lovely lady, how will you maintain intimacy? It's only an hour. But still, with this job, will you have to be long distance sometimes? With this job, no.

I don't want to be long distance. I don't consider an hour too difficult for the weekend. Yep. Whereas flying cross country is a little bit different. But I think it's all about communication and help setting expectations. Oh, good. I'm sold. All right.

I am too. Lexi, now eliminate one, and then we'll have you ask the last two a question each and we'll decide from there So who who's out that boy on the right is fun? Tyler Tyler's not your fault, but you're competing with two goddamn people that fight for your freedom. They're in sentry mode. You should bow out, dog. Brandon's in sentry mode right now.

Yeah, you're salt of the earth, Tyler. You really are. No, you're a great dude, Tyler. We're going to find you a dude, man. Maybe we'll do a dude next. Yeah, we got to do him next. He's going to be the next one. You can slide in my DMs, Tyler.

We already get female suitors. We'll find them. We'll find them. We'll put it out there. Our demo is heavily men. Thanks for playing, Tyler. Thank you, Tyler. We love you. We'll put it out there. Thanks for playing, Tyler. Thank you, Tyler. We love you, Tyler. Good luck at the Lowe's parking lot, wherever you're at right now.

He was a good guy, man. I have a question. The Lowe's parking lot. He's a home builder. Okay, who could I ask? Whichever you want. Which one do you want to ask? The girl?

The guy at the top right? I think you should ask them both. I'm going to ask you guys both, okay? Okay. What? Okay. What kind of... Do you guys have good hygiene? What kind of soap and shampoo and deodorant do you guys use? Meanwhile, Stevie's rock hard burner.

Think about it. He's hoping it's Irish spring. Three. I need three answers. Soap, shampoo, deodorant. Go. Roger, you want to go first? Nice.

Sure. I'll hop on this grenade. So I use, I don't even know what the Trader Joe's generic brand. Trader Joe's. So he's bougie. Shampoo and conditioner. And then I use Dunk Mencare for body wash. Sure.

You know, that nice exfoliating charcoal, whatever they use. And it's working, my man. Right? Kaboom. First of all, can we respond to that? Out the ballpark. He's bougie as hell. I'll tell you that right now.

He's bougie as hell. I got impressed, man. The Trader Joe's guy. Trader Joe's is bougie. I almost got a boner on that. You really turned me on. Holy smokes. Trader Joe's.

No, Trader Joe's isn't cheap. No, Trader Joe's is like the goodwill of Whole Foods. No, he should go, though. He could be a Vons of Safeway. He going to Trader Joe's. Vons goodwill of Whole Foods. No, he should go, though. He could be at Vons or Safeway. He going to Trader Joe's. Vons is cheap. Yeah, Vons is. We got to discuss where you're shopping.

It'd be alarming. I use the three-in-one shampoo, conditioner, body wash, $9.99. By the way, because he's not using a bar of soap. People poop at the bathroom in Vons. Because they don't poop in Target. That's what I'm trying to say here. People don't poop in Target. We needed to give the other guy a chance.

Oh, that's right. Let's hear it. Okay, you think about it, buddy? He looks like it's like military grade bleach. Go ahead, buddy. No, so first question, hygiene, definitely better than Stevie's. Timestamp that. That's going out of that episode.

Continue. We use Dr. Squatch, just whichever one they send. Oh, that's what out of that episode continue we use uh dr swatch just whichever one they send oh that's what i use and uh what else for the shampoo uh i asked my sister because she used to be a hairstylist so whatever she's going to like the salon store for that and she'll just send it to me and i send her the money smart well both hit it out the park yeah i know solid because that answer was like he was like listen i i admit i don't know what's good so he asked his sister yeah what are women what are women like and then she was like use this i think lexi should ask one question yeah yeah yeah it's

her date like they're not dating us she should get a couple of questions i think there's gonna There's going to be some. Go ahead, girl. Fire away. I don't even know. Oh, my gosh. I guess. Brandon, what do you usually do in your free time besides the hiking and climbing and stuff? Like, what are other things that you like to do? My days off, I usually I always keep an inflatable paddleboard in my car. So I'll just hit the lake, do that for a couple hours, and then shower up, go see a movie, grab a bite. Sounds like a nice little night.

Does sound like a nice little night. Man. Yeah, that does sound fun. Okay, so Broderick. I'll ask it. What would someone who doesn't like you, why don't they like you? Yeah, because you seem picture perfect up there, Broderick. Yeah. What's going on with you, dude?

Why doesn't someone like me? Yeah. Why doesn't someone like me? I can be, so, like, I used to work on a submarine and so I think uh when you're used to like leading people you can be like pretty up front and direct and so

you try too hard you care too much I think uh I think some people like beat around the bush when they try to like get to like problems or what not I think I can be like pretty up front and so some people beat around the bush when they try to get to problems or whatnot. Yeah, he done bullshit. I think I'd be pretty upfront. Yeah. And so some people can take that as like, oh, he's too aggressive.

I've been playing rugby for like 16 years, so I'm used to being aggressive. I'm used to that. And so it's just a matter of just having the courage to be upfront with people, and some people don't like that. He's straightforward. I think she needs to pick, man. Both of these guys have won me over. Both of you guys. If I was a chick, man, both of you would be flying to L.A. right now.

It just comes down to the vibe. It comes down to the vibe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's let her pick, Nick. Yeah, what do you think, Lexi? Go ahead, Lexi. Now, there is no wrong decision. Well, there is.

Right now, I honestly really like Broderick. Yeah, boy, it's fun. Uh-huh. You call it for the job. We'll get your guys' info exchanged. And let us know. Take a lot of pictures. I'll tell you right now, I'm liking it.

Just seeing you two on the screen right now. There's a vibe here. But pictures. I'll tell you right now, I'm liking it. Just seeing you two on the screen right now. There's a vibe here. But Brandon, I'm telling you right now. The world's your oyster, my man. Yeah, baby. Don't do you. You got a great personality. Your future's bright.

Your future's real bright. Was it a tough choice, really? Was it a tough choice? It was. It was. It was. It felt like it was a tough choice. Brandon's DM's about to get flooded.

Best believe that. Jess is in there. Yeah, it was. It felt like it was a tough choice. Brandon's DM is about to get flooded. Yeah, they are. Best believe that. Jess is in there. Maybe it's dad. How tall are they, by the way? How tall are the guys? Oh, yeah. How tall are both you guys? That's your problem.

You are dad age. Six foot. And what are you, Roderick? Five nine. Give me an average. I knew it. All right. All right.

That's five ten with heels. Thanks, guys. Like I said, we'll get. That's 5-10 with heels. Thanks, guys. Like I said, we'll get you guys connected, and that was fun. Thank you guys for playing, man. All you guys are great people. I feel a real connection. Name the first baby. Yeah, let's do it, brother.

Appreciate you guys, man. Thanks for your service. Yeah, thanks for your service. Exactly. You know what I mean? Lexi, let's give him a salute. No, they don't really do that. Lexi, even if this doesn't work out, I think you're going to be all right, girl. I think you're doing just fine in life. Yeah, good for you.

The first red flag is the last red flag. And listen, get that other guy. He's in your head right here. I want you to go like this and just throw him away. You have nothing to do with that. That guy is gone, and don't even worry about it. Don't let any of that nonsense stay with you. Watch that snake off of you.

Call my boy Broderick and beat the shit out of him. How about that? Because he'll be very direct too. Like a submarine. Okay. That's what we do here. Appreciate you guys. Wow, what a success. That video fucked him. And that guy's here and then

that guy. That's a king. That's a king right there. And that guy's here. And then that guy. That's a king. That's a king right there. King in the yellow shirt. It's crazy how. That's a real king. It's so interesting just the evolution of people's personalities. It's so quick, obviously, because it's little videos.

But those first initial videos. Oh, you couldn't tell at all. At all. You can't tell anything. You can't tell anything at all. So you're going based just off looks. You know what? You know what? That's what I'm saying. You can't tell anything at all. So you're going based just off looks. You know what? You know what?

That's what I'm saying. You know what? One time, I remember when Steve Harvey's show was on. He had these three women on, all right? And they were going to do a dating game. There was three guys. And he let them see the guys first. Then the girls picked the one that they wanted.

And it was all based off looks. And then he, you know, hid them away. Separates our personalities. And then it was like the guys each would talk from behind a curtain. Oh, I remember that. And every single time they'd pick someone different. Wow. You know, it was like, and it's like, uh-oh.

But that's just, I don't know how one day we will evolve past our sexual desire. I don't think we will. No. Because the initial attraction is, you know, physical. It's evolutionary. It's the first thing you see. I understand, but it's so much like, man, that thing. Oh, yeah.

There's more to it. Yeah. Well, let's ask her. What do you look for? What's first impressions meeting a man? What catches your eye? Sturdy. What do you mean by that?

The stature. How he's built. Stand up in a windstorm. I have a better question, though. I like a larger man. Okay. You don't have to say your age. 39. Okay, perfect. She's built. Stand up in a windstorm. I have a better question though. I like a larger man. Okay. You don't have to say your age. 39.

Okay, perfect. She's 39. Okay. All right. So this is the thing though. At 39, you're saying sturdy. At 22, what were you saying? Skinny.

Skinny. Rebellious. At 22, I wasn't saying anything because I was like too drunk to even like form a sentence really. Yeah. I was like whatever's there. That's dangerous.

A lot of plan B back then. I didn't really have as many standards. I think in your 20s, that's the fun of being 20s for me. I was like, ah, we're hanging out. There's nothing really serious happening. So what about late 20s? Were you starting to think about it like she's starting to think about it?

Yeah, a little bit. You start to develop more requirements, I think. Like what are some of those requirements? Reliability. Stevie, it's not happening. No, I do, I do, that's my homie. It's not happening. I know, it's not my homie. Not a fuck butt in a plastic bag. Stevie, it's not happening. No, I do. I did. That's my homie. It's not happening. I know. It's not my homie.

Not a fuck butt in a plastic bag. I'll tell you that much. At least my fuck butt would come in like a velvet. Yeah, like a bowling bag, dog. At least leather. Like someone handles it like a zipper. No, it would open up like the Pulp Fiction suitcase. That's where a fuck butt should be.

Yes. Tyler just sent a thank you note. I think she made the wrong choice Oh no He is a catch Both of them are though That Brodwick is Yeah yeah yeah

They need money too right He has to be successful Not necessarily They don't They need Yeah they need to be In their own individual Thank you

They can't be broke And they have to be going Towards something A goal A goal No but late 20s Is when you start having A minimum standard

It's like He should have a job, a place to stay. That's fair. You know what I mean? Yeah, but even like in your 30s, it gets a little muddy.

You know what I mean? Like our girl Lexi, you know, you get sideswiped by some of these dudes. I'm sure you guys go through it too with women. Like, you know,

women can be just as witchy as men can be. Does the size of the penis matter? Heck yeah. Anyone tell me the size of the penis matters? L yeah. Anyone tells you size doesn't matter is lying. Like, what is the ideal penis size that you're looking for? Enough. I mean, give me some inches.

I'm going to say it's a hard pass. I'm going to do this. Tell me when to stop. It's not happening. Dude, Brendan, that's the homie. Just tell me when to stop. I can't. That pointer finger is really throwing me for a loop, bro No, Steve, you're doing it wrong, you gotta do like this

Like a Subway sandwich Tell me when to stop, are you ready? Is it a three inch, is it a foot long? I'm never gonna be ready, so where does everybody have shows? Yeah, that's right I'll be at the Addison Improv this weekend Dallas, I'll be at Dallas, Addison Improv Come on out, right? Dallas. I'll be at Dallas Addison Improv.

Come on out. And I want to thank even some of the King and the Sting fans that came. I was just in Boston, and people have come up to me and been like, love you on King and the Sting, man. I hear it all the time, man. San Antonio. Like, I love you, Eric and Steve. Yeah, so thanks for all those fans that came out for there.

But I'll be at Addison, so come check me out. Go see them in Dallas, everybody. And I'm in Denver this weekend, hometown, Comedy Works, downtown Denver, Thursday, Friday, and I'm in Denver this weekend. Hometown, Comedy Works, downtown Denver. Thursday, Friday, Saturday. And then next week, I'm at the new Wise Guys in Las Vegas, Nevada. Jesus Christ. Thursday, Friday, Saturday. All right?

Get your tickets at thickboy.com. Where does he put you up there? Airbnbs. Smart. Go ahead. I have a new podcast called Girl, G-Y-R-L, with my girl Carly Aquilino. Love it. We kick off our tour for that in New York City at the City Winery October 9th.

And my wide open tour is available and my podcast, Sharp Tongue. Nice. Love it. YouTube.com slash Scissor Bros. We missed you last week, dude. I missed y'all, too. Hey, you're the secret too. Get your hat today. Stevie, where's my hat?

Where's my hat? I didn't know you guys liked our merch. Do you hate marketing? I'll bring some. I'll rock that hat. You will? You should make a fuck butt with the scissors on it. For women.

Or a hat with the butt on it. Boom. All right. Oh, like a butt. A butt hat? A butt hat. That'd be fun. All a butt hat alright guys Denver see you this week love you guys Theo miss ya see ya monster about to open up with this at my concerts flow is contagious browser outrageous thicker than girls that are instagram famous damn hungry like i'm fresh off keto seeing red like andrew santino every song i hit like the great bambino bernard ate the queso and the quesoritos but

everything's gonna be fine hate on me i do not mind deal looking like the type of dude that got a pack of matches in his pockets at all times They sliding into my DMs A couple of you tried but couldn't beat em Quit playing like Nintendo DS You don't want to smoke like Joey Diaz Meaning y'all edible Just got my eyebrows threaded and I'm feeling incredible Brennan's son hit me up He said it's too loud in the club, can you pick me up?

King in the sting King in the sting King in the sting Beast in the rat king King in the sting King in the sting, king in the sting, bee sting rat king King in the sting, king in the sting, got the bees in the trap, got the cheese on a string King in the sting, king in the sting, king in the sting, bee sting rat king King in the sting, king in the sting, got the bees in the trap King and the sting Got the bees in a trap

Got the cheese on a string We are outside of Thick Boy Studios with Steve the Weeb. These are fucking bros baby. Today is a monumental day. It's a day of growth. It's a day of just moving forward in my life. So I'm getting rid of Thelma today I spent many of nights with her and she lived in my closet and as you can I can't show this yeah probably not okay

so anyway if I would show you like just to prove that I did use it a lot because it used you saw how shredding on the real quick you just yeah yeah but you saw how shredded it was oh yeah yeah or zoom in on it real quick. It's a black blood. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you saw how shredded it was. Oh, yeah. You tore it up. So I'm trying to move forward in my life and to make so I could date real women. Not like, you know, an object. Because I think this is hindering me from growth and meeting a possible mate. So how about this?

I just thought of this. I have other flashlights and toys that I wanna get rid of. So maybe as the weeks prolong and progress, I could, how about I bring in another toy every week? We have a funeral. And by that point, all right, later brother. By that point. Let's just get a barrel and burn them all.

By that point, so can I throw it away? Where's the trash trash can the trash can's right there you're going to throw it away here yeah i mean this is the you're going to say goodbye to it let's say goodbye can i i want to kiss yeah well let's say a couple words about it i'd like to say something about it thank you for the time you spent with me um this is a very hard day um but, uh, but I wish you the best. Um, but I can't, I can't live, you can't live in my closet anymore. And I'm trying to grow as a human. That's beautiful. Can I say something about it?

Hold on, I still want to do a prayer. Thank you.