The Golden Hour - Episode 164: Turtle Power

Episode Date: March 18, 2022

Theo, Brendan, Chris and Erik celebrate their birthdays and talk Chris being stuck in the bathroom with stomach issues, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, stepmom fashion, Steven Seagal eating a carrot, Brendan's traumatic childhood booger story, Theo's steroid past and more. Also, they have a bday gift exchange, have a pinata smashing celebration and much more!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

He's, hey guys, he's toning it down for us right now. Yeah, you're welcome. No, you have the X, I'll give you the X factor, but if you weren't funny, Yeah, bro, oh, dude, hey, if you weren't funny, you're a four. No, dude, that is, okay, man, that is, Dude, he's right, bro, you look like you don't have any blood in your body. Yeah, by the way, You ever met this guy?

Oh, I'm the dumb one. You can't argue, there's something about me. You have no idea what you're saying. Gang, gang. Buzz, buzz. So. What's up, man? It's turtle day, dog.

Is it? No. You don't want to be a thick-ass fucking Donatello? No, no. Be a big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, You don't, don't have lenses in them. Yeah, they have lenses in them. Oh. He can. Do yours? You know what? I do know Kung Fu after putting these on.

Yeah. Dude. Do I look like a turtle? Huh? Do I look like a Ninja Turtle? Bro, you look like Home Alone Depot Ninja Turtle. I'll take it.

You look like. You guys know what I'm going for here. Uh-uh. And you dressed up as Wayne's World? Huh? Are you Wayne's World? No, bro.

Oh, he can be blind. Eric loved it. Thanks, Eric. That was a good one. Thank you, sir. Wayne's World. Wayne's World. Party time.

What kind of party is this, man? It's a birthday party, ho. With some Pisces bros. That's it. Some Pisces bros. Yeah. What's your birthday? I'm the 12th. That's the big 5-ces bros. Yeah. What's your birthday? I'm the 12th.

That's the big 5-0 for you. Yeah, big 5. Damn, bro. Do you feel 50? Damn, dad. You're like four years away. Whatever. Theo acts like he's 32.

I'm 40. Theo acts like he's 18 all the time. Dude, you right there. Yo, gay, bro. Theo does have good skin, though. I'll be gay right now. I'm a Ninja Turtle. Wait, wait. Do you have on some rouge? What you got going does have good skin, though. I'll be gay right now. I'm a Ninja Turtle. Wait, wait.

Do you have on some rouge? What you got going on? Your skin does look. Dog, I told you, man. I'm Polish Nicaraguan. And we got, I'm one, I think, 11th Cherokee, maybe. That's where your smooth skin comes into play. He sounds like a white girl in LA.

Yeah, yeah. I'm Cherokee Indian. I'm Cherokee. Check out my car. I'm German. I'm a fifth something. Eric, do you feel 50? No. Come on, bro. You lying. Especially since I've been working out and stuff. No, I don. I'm a fifth something. Eric, do you feel 50?

No. Come on, bro. You lying. Especially since I've been working out and stuff. No, I don't feel 50. You lying, dude. What are you talking about? That's still right there. There's Dane Carvey.

Legend. You don't say Dane Cook and that's fine. Huh? You said Dane Cook for a second. And then you backtracked. Oh, yeah. I didn't even know what I was going to say. Chris is supposed to be here, but he's taking a shit. No, he isn't. he's taking a shit no he isn't he's doing something else he's been gone for 20 minutes

he has been gone for 20 minutes yeah what's going on he said his stomach is on the fritz oh well anybody do anything cool for the b-day we all got b-days coming up man what am i gonna do i have that what is everybody's though let when is yours? Mine's on the 18th. Theo's on the 19th. I think Chris's is the 30th. 30th? So yours already happened. What'd you do, Eric?

What did I do? Please, man. We can't get Alzheimer's, bro. Oh, you don't remember what you did on your B-Day now? You can't even remember, though. Damn, bro. Really? You'll be doing this?

Come on. But black people, I think, have a lot of short memories because some they don't want to remember some of the history and bad stuff that happened to them and i don't blame them yeah like like like i'm not gonna remember this yeah this i'm just every time eric comes in the studio he's gonna forget yeah i'm just saying that i think even your memory sometimes will protect you from bad things that happen But does anybody have an issue with their birthday like usually I don't like my birthday since I was a kid I was like, yeah, come on. No, you know when you become when you become an older man And it's never important, you know, like even even with your girl your birthday becomes like her birthday Yeah, you know like you might just want to be like I don't want to do anything

And she's like, but I have plans. We're going to go there and there. And you're just kind of like, is this my birthday bitch? Yeah, I'm not trying to do this bitch. I don't even like bowling. Whose birthday is it? Whose birthday is it? Whose birthday?

Whose birthday? But my girl's birthday is also, her birthday was March 1st. Bro, we always talking about your girl, bro. We trying to talk to you, bro. Yeah, Chris Pusha. Aren't we? Yeah, man. We're asking Eric. My boy got mol trying to talk to you, bro. Yeah, Chris Pusha. Aren't we? Yeah, man. We're asking him.

We're asking Eric. My boy got molested at a Home Depot, bro. And I turned into a fucking turtle. Yeah, when did you start? Yeah, we said. Are you all right, dude?

This is going to be the first one with the fucking episode that we have on YouTube and you guys know what I've been doing for, how long did you start? About 30 minutes.

30 minutes. Seven minutes. We've already done like six of these. All right, all right, all right. We've gone through all the submissions. My stomach is killing me, dude. What did you eat? What'd you start? About 30 minutes. 30 minutes. Oh, bullshit. Seven minutes. We've already done like six of these. All right. All right. All right. All right.

We've gone through all the submissions. My stomach is killing me, dude. What did you eat? What'd you eat? A fucking half a bagel. Do you think it's all the coffee you're drinking or do you think it's the neck on your sweater that's bothering you? No, dude.

Why? You're saying. It's Judea snacking, bro. Are you Russell Wilson? Why are you wearing a turtleneck like that? This isn't a turtleneck, dude. It's a mock turtleneck. It's a little bit less than a mock. And it's not a turtleneck because it's not tight't a turtleneck, dude. That's a mock turtleneck. It's a little bit less than a mock.

And it's not a turtleneck because it's not tight. It's nice. It's nice and loose, dude. It's baggy. Yeah, it's good. It's the new shit, man. Okay. I don't think it is. I think a lot of stepmoms wear it. Well, dude, maybe they do, but also... A lot of stepmoms whose arms are getting chubby wear that. But I wouldn't be shitty about stepmoms.

You know what I mean? Because stepmoms are out there doing what they got to do. No one wants that job, though. No, but also, some of them are very fashionable. Yeah. You say your arms are getting chubbier. Hey, Chris, will you join this

Turtle Power Day with me? We have, look, you could be... Oh, the birthday shit. You could be Donatello. Oh, yeah, I will, as a matter of fact. We cut the eyes out. I get to do Raphael.

I would suggest... Wow, so you know that Raphael's the red one. Yeah, I know Raphael's the red one, just like I know Donatello's the blue one, just like I know Donatello's the purple one, just like I know that Michael is. Oh, my God.

Eric doesn't know. I'm really shocked. This is actually really cool. You don't want to do this? No. We got glasses. Well, I told him to take the glasses off. Be a big, thick Donatello, dog.

No, Theo and I are going to be the adults in this situation, which is unusual. Dude, I don't want to tell you last time. I was going to say it's unusual for him. I don't want to tell you last time, too. I want to tell you about last time. You'll spread the eyes out, Doug. Yeah. Well.

Leave him alone, Brandon. No, I know. But you were saying turtles in a half shell and you fucked me up. But it's not turtles in a half shell. It's heroes in a half shell. Turtle power. I think it's turtles in a half shell. Heroes in a half shell.

Heroes in a half shell. Turtle power. Turtle power. You wouldn't say turtles in a half shell, turtle power, because it's redundant. And why the fuck would these jingles be redundant? Because they're kids jingles. Heroes and a half shell, turtle power. That's how I do it.

Ooh, I like it. And I like it. And I like that. And I like your knowledge on it. The main thing to do is to make the notes the same. It's a fucking surprise. Now, Chris, do you realize that Eric is too old to watch the turtles? So he missed out on it.

Yeah. And then Theo doesn't have a TV as a child. Bitch, we ate Turtles growing up, dog, and y'all bitches. That's what I think, son. Y'all fucking punchers. Your nose right now. No, dude. Your nose.

No, no, no. Hold on, let me see. That shit is just. It does really magnify that. Oh, wow. I look awful. Yeah. I thought maybe I look badass.

No. I feel badass. I think it's good. I think there's a lot of peanut butter falcon in both of you guys. And you're chunky and you're creamy. I'll tell you this. No, he'd be smooth. I'd be chunky.

Yeah, but smooth. Some people say smooth is creamy, right? Yeah, I think you're right. Well, I don't know. Will you look that up? Do you mind, Chin? I thought it was smooth. It's not really something to look up.

Jimmy's is a smooth. I'll tell you this. Smooth and creamy. I'll tell you this. I thought I looked cool with this on. I looked at myself. I look, I look terrible. But one time, it reminded me one time when I

was a kid, um, I had Hi-C. Remember Hi-C? I don't know if they still have it or not, but. They do. And I had, was drinking the grape Hi-C. It was in kindergarten and it squirted up and it went all over my face. And instead of wiping it, I left it there.

Cause I, in my head, I thought it made me look like Kiss with like the paint. And, and I was talking to this chick. No, this, I was not developed yet, you know? And I was talking to this chick. I was like, fucking whatever, five, six, I don't know. And I, and we were talking, it was so sticky and it felt awful, but I was like, but I look bad-ass, you know?

And then finally I broke it, broke down and I said, does it, is it like all like purple, like on my face? Like, does it look like. Absolutely not. Like a rock star. And she goes like this, no. And it was just sticky. And then I went to the bathroom and cleaned it off.

And that is the end of the story, and it's sad. I don't mind it. That was you. That was your pregame. Yeah, I know. It was me learning. No, dude, I'll one up you. It's weird the shit you remember as a kid,

because you only remember the negative shit for the most part. What's up, bro? Fucking crunchy peanut butter, baby. Chunky peanut butter butter you look like you won a molested contest in a uh like in a solitary confinement dude look at this this is unbelievable honestly that is highway prison cleanup orange dog or um i fucking michelangelo and i'll fuck up everybody in the room how about that yeah i don't want that could be true i don. I don't want to think that makes it that you can't, you could probably already do that. I don't think so.

It's this dude. It's fucking this, but to go back to your child's story, I had the biggest crush on this girl, Kathy. Her middle name was Lee. I forget her name. Kathy was a child's name.

Child's name. She had overalls. You had to grow into that name, huh? Yeah. You got to grow into that name. Yeah, grow into it.

Yeah, her name was Kathy. They were banking on her being a cool adult. They were banking on her being a cool adult. You called Catherine. If you want, I don't give a fuck. We called to grow into it. Yeah, her name was Kathy. They were banking on her being a cool adult. They were banking on her being a cool adult. You can call her Catherine if you want. I don't give a fuck. We called her Kathy, man. Nobody called her Kathy if she was seven or eight.

It's like Bertha. It's like, you know what I mean? No, Kathy was a good name. You guys are held up. Oh, she was Asian. I get it. No, no, she was a white girl. No, dude, you got to be Asian if you're a kid and named Kathy.

You guys are held up on that. Yeah, Joy Grace. Joy is the most popular Asian name. Joy Grace Kathy. You guys are held up on the name Joy Grace Joy is the most popular Asian name you guys are held up on the name and I like it but let me carry on so they sat me next to her during homeroom I'm like here's my chance and we're watching a movie

I'll never forget this and I had a raisin brand sized booger in my nose and I was like she's not going to see because I'm picking the nose over here she's here I'm picking it and I don't know where it went I'm like what the fuck and then in my head I was like whatever and then finally built up the nerve to talk to i was like how about this movie am i right and she goes oh my god i go what she goes you have a booger on

your nose right i will never forget the booger just went in like the crevice on my nose what was it the booger oh dude is the booger like this. And she never talked to me again. On the side? On the side. How did you? What did you do? I was like this. I couldn't feel. I must have skipped it. And I was like, damn, girl, how about this movie? And she goes, oh! I must have skipped it.

Skipped it. Skipped right over it. Did you have a booger nickname after that? Oh, she told everybody. She told everybody. What kind of name did you have after that? And who was she? She was this Asian girl.

No, she was a white girl in overalls with blonde hair. Yeah, she was Asian. I hate to break it to you. No, no, no, no. She sounds like Asian a little. Yeah. Kim was her last name? Yeah, with that mask on, she sounds Asian.

Oh, her middle name was Lee. That was her last name, bro. No, her middle name was Lee. I forget her last name. I don't want to give it out, dude. Because it was Lee, dude. No, because she was very mean to me. But she was also-

I got bullied for quite some time for being Booger Boy. I know, but maybe just- I could see that. That should be the name of the episode. Booger Boy? Booger Boy? I think it is. Good evening, guys.

Oh, wow. That's good. That's formal. No, like you're proper. I like that. Yeah, I like that. Professional. Good evening, guys.

Good evening, guys. Welcome to a very special time for announcements. King, the sting, and The Wing. We're hitting Patreon, son. What are we doing? Two on Patreon and two free on YouTube? That's right. So that's the deal from now on.

Yeah. It's called The Takeover. Yep. So every other week will be Patreon. Every other week will be YouTube. Every other week will be YouTube. And why are we doing it, guys? To control our shit a little bit more. We're going to be on Patreon.

There's going to be no ads on there. Yeah, because the ads, sometimes the truth is the ads kind of, they just, I don't know. They get upset if you don't do certain stuff. Some of it you just, I don't want to deal with. Yeah, we get it. This is us fighting back. You're getting Chris D'Elia, Theo Vaughn, and myself. King, the sting, and the wing. Buzz, buzz, gang, gang.

Soar. The chains are off. I know the chains are off. We're on Patreon. Oh, definitely, dude. I'll take my pants off right now. Oh, I'll write the N-word on this piece of paper on my lap. We want to keep it nice, keep it woke, keep it very even and equal.

He looks like Salvador Dali and also a chick that would bang Salvador Dali. Oh, no. You know how gangster it is to go to therapy and get nowhere? That's gangster, dude. He looks like Edgar Allan Capone, dude. This guy clearly went to Woodstock. He's a fucking Easter rabbit, dude, with no candy Edgar Allan Capone, dude. This guy clearly went to Woodstock. He's a fucking Easter rabbit dude with no

candy. That's what he is. Patreon is honestly really all it is is an intervention for Brendan. If that's your first angle, you got

Voldemort's protractor in your pocket, dog. I took a painkiller in my life. Never would. Give me the pain. Sniff him with that fucking beak.

You don't think I did locally made test 200 freaking six months? Boys will be boys. Why don't you I did locally made test 200 freaking six months? Boys will be boys. Why don't you tell them, Brandon? Listen, college basketball fans, March Madness is here. Join the action on the court during the biggest tournament of the year with DraftKings Sportsbook. We're talking March Madness, baby.

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Use promo code CATS this week at DraftKings Sportsbook. Must be 21 or older. Restrictions apply. See show notes for details. Also, how do you lose track of a booger? It happens. I'll vouch for this. Dude, it was a frosted plate in your nostril.

Mine, too. I can't even get to mine. I got to send somebody in, bro. Yeah, you don't wanna be At a cocaine party With you in the air He got a plastic surgery nose You know what I mean? I got that

I have kind of like a black nose A lot of black men and women Would hit on me Gay men and straight women Because of your nose? Yeah, because he has that Bell pepper for black people At the airport, too

It's a bell pepper What do they say? They say, what up, shawty About your nose No, they say, what up, shawty To me, like But it's like a They think you fuck

They sound blacker when they say it. Yeah, I've seen it happen. But it's like that's just from the back because you've got backs and you've got that. He also has that. Your back and your front. My butt and my nose are kind of like the exact same, just different space. Interesting. No, your nose is the nose version of your ass.

Yes. It's like a face butt. I'm not mad at it, dude. I should get a little thong for it. Phil got back. You know what I mean mean You got fronts and backs But anyway You guys also look like shit

You look like pure shit dude Well Are you doing anything For your B day No Do you get sad on your B day Like me No

Give him one question at a time I'm just trying to figure it out Rapid fire question I have the answer If you just Yeah no I just No do I get sad on my birthday No but I don't like to do anything On my birthday Yeah but you don't like to do Anything anything True time yeah no there's a rapid fire question i have the answer if you just yeah no i just uh no do i get sad on my birthday no but i don't like to do anything on my birthday yeah but you don't like

to do anything anything true you go to a coffee shop true i like a coffee shop my stomach is so fucked up honestly because i've been drinking coffee how about this set dude look at this set i like it i i don't i don't i just i just realized it you see the wing behind you i know it's fucking awesome dude i don't care i don't care about my birthday. No. What am I fucking... You know what I mean? But do you buy...

Chris, it's when you're born, man. No, it... But also, who cares? You're all about superhero stuff. You say like, I think you would be into that. Yeah, that's a fair point. Yeah. You're on to the Avengers and stuff.

First of all, you think I want to celebrate my birthday because I'm into superhero stuff, which I'm not. Really? Oh, you are. Oh, now you're not. Yeah, you're lying. I am? Chris. Oh, you got older.

Now you're not into superheroes. We're stinging this, dude. How am I into superheroes? You knew that this was Donatello's. From childhood. That's not Donatello. This is not Donatello. It's Raphael.

See? He got me, dude. He got me, man. He got me, man. Put it on, Theo. I want to say, I bet that Brendan obviously looks, I bet Brendan looks the best with all the stuff on. Yeah, yeah, I think so. Brendan.

Actually, you look pretty good. No, he looks like Casey Jones, the Rat King. No matter how you, and that's also, even Casey Jones had a green thing around his fucking face. You look identical, don't you? Why does mine look so bad? Chris, do you buy your own gifts on your birthday? Because I do.

I told my girl, I went, oh, you got me these new kicks I wanted. Thank you. Maybe I do. I don't know, really. I don't think I buy anything on my birthday. I don't like buying any gifts. I don't buy anybody anything. But now you're a girl who's going to get Calvin to buy you something.

Oh, that's cute. I like that. I'm all in. All I ask is for a drawing for my kiddo. That's what I want, a picture or a drawing. Oh, that's cute. I like that. I'm all in. Oh, all I ask is for a drawing for my kiddo. That's what I want. A picture or a drawing. Oh, that's nice. Do you keep them?

Oh, yeah. I frame them. Yeah. You can't frame all of them, Brendan. For my birthday, I can. He's going to blow. He's only been on this planet for six years. Yeah, but if your kid is bad art, you can't frame all of them.

Daredevil. You're more Daredevil right now than. No, he's Casey Jones, dude. But he's. Casey Jones from where from slide Oh, Louisiana. No, dude, Casey Jones the rat king. Oh, they're different people They're different. So he's the rat king the rat king is different than the rat king Thanks, bro. And Casey Jones was the one oh

And he's always trying to bone a baby. Yeah, who was it? And he wore this do this is the bring up the fucking rag. Oh, this is hello. Bring up the wreck No, that's nobody wore this put on a tello. Where do did that? Yeah. Who wasn't? And he wore this? Dude, this is the... Bring up the fucking Rat King. No, this is Donatello. Bring up the Rat King. Nobody wore this but Donatello. Wait till you see the Rat King. That's where his nickname came from. No, I know that, but he's got the purple fucking bandana eyes on. That's Donatello. You can't see out of your shit. Look at that,

dude. Fuck you. I can. I'm talking about him. Oh, yeah, fuck you, dude. You can't see either. I'm talking about him. I'm looking at him. Dude, no, I made the eyes wider. I think, I'm going about him oh yeah fuck you you can't see either I'm talking about him I'm looking at him dude no I made the eyes wider I think I gotta be honest hashtag no racism I think chin makes these

cause the eyes are very almond shaped oh that sounds racist to me okay so this is this so far in this episode is a travesty okay

the fucking the do you think you were shitting you think your stomach you started I didn't even know you were starting, dude. You were supposed to start in a lap.

I wasn't necessarily shitting. I was in the bathroom. I'm not saying what I was doing. That's for sure. I told you not to say that. It's better than the new Batman. I told you. You're such a fucking hater.

Such a hater. I did not see Batman yet, and I want to. Hollywood, right? For him... He doesn't look like a Batman villain. Whatever, dude. You have blinding. Brendan looks like he got molested by a crayon.

Brendan ain't doing too well over here, bro. Look at the chain. The backwards hat. Is that a Cane's hat? Like a Cane's chicken hat? Of course. Cane's chicken almost worked there when I was in college.

Cane's chicken hat and two fake gold chains. No, dude. You look like a fucking... No, dude. You look like a fucking... No, dude, you look like a fucking... You're the villain, Pory. That's who you are. Dr. Pory. No, you look like security for Peanut Butter Falcon. Whatever, bro.

Guess what, dude? Y'all are pussies. No, that's not true. I don't agree with that. And your birthday, you have a couple more. You're fucking out, son. He's on back. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. This thing that's not I'm just saying he's 19 I did get Christmas gifts for I mean a birthday gifts for everybody did you yep? I did things that you've done in the past though add to your age. Yeah, so you might be 60

Oh, oh, you know 75 drugs back in the day and steroids and shit. That's true. All right. And stress. You did steroids? Yeah, I did. Why? Oh, you don't know steroid Theo? Why did you do steroids?

Tell him about that deck of stacks, daddy. Hold on, hold on, hold on. You a hoe. You can't do steroids and then not be buff. He was jacked. He was jacked. Don't get worried. That's where his ass came from.

That's where his big ass came from. Can we see pictures? So what? You're just jacked, bro. I used to be jacked. Who's jacked? Don't get worried. That's where his ass came from. That's where his big ass came from. Can we see pictures? So what? You're just- Jacked, bro. I used to be jacked. Okay. All right.

All right. What? What was that? All right. All right. Yeah, but you were fucking what? He was 14 then. Yeah.

You got a head on me, huh? Everyone's jacked then. You got a head on you. First of all, you guys, please quit looking at underage boys while we're at work. Okay. How old were you there? I appreciate that. What about there?

I think there I was probably 21. Do you have eyeliner on? No, bitch. I was fine as fuck. That's photoshopped. You got some makeup on and shit. You was a little bitch back then, dude. What are you talking about?

You got on eyeliner, man. He got on eyeliner. You have on eyeliner. He got eyeliner on, dude. You have eyeliner and a double chin. You pinked up your lips, too. Yeah, dude. What's on eyeliner. You have on eyeliner. He got eyeliner on, dude. You have eyeliner and a double chin. You pinked up your lips, too. Yeah, dude. What's going on?

You pinked up your lips. What's going on? I was topless in the afternoon. I wasn't wearing anything. Is that a dorm room? Huh? Yes, man. Did you just get fucked?

I went to college, Brendan. Okay? Not to surprise you with that there's more than just, you know. You don't see a Colorado double major? Great seven. Only guy with a degree in here? Yeah. Oh, wait. You have a degree. No, I left. Theo, great seven. Only guy with a degree in here? Yeah. Oh, wait, you have a degree.

No, I left. Theo, I'd say he's also appeared. You got a degree from MTV. After all your people did to fucking get to go to college, and you fucking just mosey on out there. I did okay. You were at SC, right? Yeah, I went to SC, but I didn't finish.

Oh, you did? Wow. Y'all ain't shit. Anyway, man, y'all got me fired up, dog. Oh, when are we giving out the B-Day gifts? I think we can do it now. Theo also got gifts for everyone. Oh, he gets gifts for everyone. Oh, you did? Wow. Y'all ain't shit. Anyway, man, y'all got me fired up, dog. Oh, when are we doing out the B-Day, Giz? I think we can do it now. Theo also got gifts for everyone. Oh, really?

Oh, bullshit, dude. He told you guys to do it. You mean Kyle picked it up? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Theo, you went out? First of all, I don't know what Kyle. I don't have a Kyle on my phone. All right.

No, I'm sure there's like six Kyles on your phone. This is for Theo. That's for Chris. What is for theo that's for chris what is it this is a hundred dollars to starbucks well let me look wow so worst gift giving ever well no we're grown men thank you very much surprise and did you get one very much i didn't get no he's not starving no i got eric something else i got he's dressed like starbucks today he's dressed like Starbucks today. He's dressed like one of the Cubs. It's the March 17th, man. Just do me a favor and go like this. Rick.

Like you're calling out a name. Oh, no, say Brandon. No, mess my name up and say Brandon. It drives me fucking nuts. Oak milk latte with extra foam. Let's go Brandon. So I got you guys the gift cards to Starbucks. Thank you.

I got you nothing. That's my gift. You do what you want. I got you guys the gift cards to Starbucks. Thank you. I got you nothing. You know what? That's my gift. It's fine. You do what you want. It's my gift to the guys. And I got you a year's supply of Alpha Brain. Oh, sweet.

Yep. Wow. I would never force any gift on you guys. I respect you too much. My gift for you is you do what you want, and I would never give you something to do. Because now I have to go fucking to Starbucks and spend this. And that's really rude if you think about it. When people tell lies, I put this on.

That's what I do. Yeah. Sounds like Chris forgot gifts. We saw that great picture of you with the eyeliner after the gangbang. I was a child. So wait, what's this?

Hey, what's the chance this is from who? This is from Theo's merch. This is Theo's merch if I had to guess. No, very nice too. In a trash bag too? Y'all couldn't...

Huh? In a trash bag. Y'all haters, bro. First, I don't use... Why'd you show them before they saw this? Hey, can I be honest, though? I thought we were all going to have different shit. Hey, can I be honest?

I needed this. I know you did. I've seen your hair wet. I take this on the road, dog. I blow my shit out. I know your hair's wet a lot of times when I see you in here. Why do you have these? Why not?

I don't have them anymore. You do, and you're welcome, guys. And I appreciate it. Did you have, like... Was this a sponsor that you just had a bunch of these at one place? Revlon? No, man. I don't want y'all to have wet hair, man.

I don't want my friends having wet hair. Did you? He was wearing makeup. This is like some of his old merch. Oh, dude. He says gang gang on the side of it? I don't want my friends having wet hair, man. Okay, but you-

On the road, I'm going to be fine as fuck. I can't blow dry my hair. I look like a complete asshole. It comes out like this. I look like in that movie. It comes out like this. I look like in that movie with fucking Steve Carell. You think that's what's doing it? Oh, bro.

Oh, funny, dude. I look good, bro. We've been over this. Yeah, but that's why you look like an asshole. Chris thinks he's fine. Oh, dude. That's the best joke on this show that he thinks he's attractive. Oh, somebody doesn't listen. There I am. That's it. The, somebody doesn't listen. There I am.

That's it. The movie with Steve Carell. That's what I look like if I blow dry my hair. If I use Revlon, if Revlon is anywhere close to my head, that's what I start looking like. You'd look dope like that. I do look dope. I look too dope. I got to calm it down for you guys.

Hey, guys, he's toning it down for us right now. Yeah, you're welcome. I'll give you the X factor factor but if you weren't funny yeah bro oh hey dude hey you weren't if you weren't funny you're four no dude that is okay man that is dude he's right bro you look like you don't have any blood in your body by the way i don't dude but bullshit bullshit it's not just humor dude i've got charisma i've, dude. I've got charisma. I've got charisma. I've got charisma.

What's the other one? I don't know. You tell us. We're trying to find out. You just missed this shit off, dude. You're trying to figure out. Charm. I knew it was like charisma and charm.

And those are different, dude. And I've got those. And yeah, I look a little bit like a Picasso painting. painting we've been over this no you look like dracula drained all your blood and then just left you no you look like you're in transition to become a vampire and that's sexy dude because you know why because that guy's been through some and also girls want to help that guy yeah fair there's something about me man i said you got the x-factor that's why this should be called really king Sting and the Fling. That's what it should be. That's cool.

That's cool. That's cool. Should be the Fling. Let's get into the episode. Oh, I forgot we were doing this. This guy's got a debate club. Yo, what up, Brandon, Chris, and Theo? It's Brandon from Omaha, Nebraska,

and I got a debate club for you guys. Do you think there are more doors or wheels in the world? I know this is a pretty heavy debate on TikTok right now, but I need to know what you guys think. Is it? Gang, gang, buzz, buzz, sore. It's a thing on TikTok? He said sore.

Doors or wheels? Chris missed it because he's Texan, but he said sore. He said sore? Yep. It's a gang, gang, buzz, buzz, sore. Hell yeah, dude. I'm going to say doors because even on a car that has four wheels, there's also five doors if you count the trunk. You know what I mean?

Wheels or doors? A trunk is just an extra door. That's what I'm saying. Hold on. And every car, are they counting the doors on the cars too? That's what I'm saying. They're doors. Doors.

But if you think about a high rise, think about a high rise. All the office buildings? All the what I'm saying. They're doors. Doors. But if you think about a high-rise, think about a high-rise. All the office buildings. Definitely doors. Definitely doors. What about Theodore? What about Larry Trump? Those don't count. What about Donnie Wheel? So are you a door? That's what you're saying? What about Donnie Wheel? You're Theodore, right? That's your real name? Hold on. Oh my God. You guys are

asking if there's more doors or wheels in the world? Well, technically, yeah. Hey, anytime you want to show up to the episode, you're welcome. Anytime you want to show up to the show, Why are we debating this? It's a debate on TikTok. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

This show is off the wheels right now. No, no, no, no, no, no. It's wheels. Why? It's not doors. Why? It's doors. Explain it.

Explain it. Well, first of all, you're talking about all doors? Yes, all doors. Dude, all doors matter. All doors matter. Yeah. Because the car doors is different. Yes, the car doors count office buildings even houses little doors big doors big doors little trap doors really

trap doors yeah even there's not that many houses go through yeah it's it's doors for sure yeah but what about this they got doors with wheels on them pull up doors with wheels on them it's wheels if you do anything it's wheels it's wheels doors with wheels yeah them. Pull up doors with wheels on them, Chan. It's wheels. If you do anything. It's wheels. It's wheels. I'm doing it. Doors with wheels on them. Yeah, because of cars and how many cars there are. First of all, there's more. How many buildings are there in the world? And how many cars are there in the world?

So many. Think about how many doors on cars. And then all the cars have doors. How many doors? An airplane has two wheels. I didn't think about the car doors. And how many doors on them? No, airplanes have more than two wheels.

No, they don't. I mean, what the fuck? Who are you flying with? Mighty Mouse? Are you on one of those Dustbuster more than two wheels. I mean, what the fuck? Who are you flying with? Mighty Mouse? Are you on one of those Dustbuster things? You know what I mean? No, airplanes have long wheels. One in the front,

two on the wings, one in the back. Science. Y'all rich, bro. I think planes might have like eight wheels. That's what I'm saying. A hell of wheels. It's two. If you got a dude car doors, then doors. They got six wheels on a plane. By If you got to do car doors, then doors. They got six wheel on a plane.

By the way, airplane, four doors, how many wheels? Fucking 19 wheels, dude. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Those are just three? You forget about the doors to the bathroom? Doors to the cockpit? Thank you. You're not in your fucking brain. You're just being contrary right now.

No, I'm not, dude. I didn't realize. I thought we were talking about doors into places, not just car doors. What about those phones where people are like- That's into a place. You're not Raphael. You're not Raphael. I'm saying if you add car doors, then doors.

Because the only thing that wheels have a plenty of are on cars. So cars also have four doors. No, because you got like at a grocery store, you got the cart wheels. Yeah, but you need to get doors into the grocery store. And how many wheels are on the carts? That's a good fucking point. I don't like this challenge. I don't want to have to think about this.

This is why it's a challenge. People need our help. Do we have an answer, Nick? We are making it. Who's counting that, though? And what about the phone that had that little door on it? That's not a door. That's a flap.

Come on, dude. What about the doggy? You forgot about the doggy door. Two in one. All right. So how little? So a door on a door That's a flap Come on dude What about the doggy You forgot about the doggy door Two in one Alright So how little So a door on a door But what about the dog

That had no His leg got hit by a car And he got them wheels On his back Counts as wheels Two wheels All the trauma From Theo's childhood

What about bike wheels And what about Cassius Clay That motherfucker's In a wheelchair Two wheels Think about a wheelchair people Two wheels Two wheels

Cassius Clay or not If you're in a wheelchair Think about the fat bitches at Disneyland on the scooters. Three wheels. Don't they have this? The little bitch ass ones. Do you have the answer, Nick?

Did you guys have a big wheel? No. Nobody would ever have the answer, dude. Did you guys have green machines on big wheels when you were kids? He used to drive by colleges and he would yell out the window, I know the answer. Yeah, dude. That's insane.

And they gave me a degree. It's pretty cool. Hold on a second. Dude, did you just hear what he said? Yeah. Nick, do you know the answer? Yeah. Is that not fair, Eric?

There's no answer, bro. They keep making wheels and doors. Every day, how many fucking wheels and doors do they make? Yeah, but who the fuck's going to answer that? Can we not estimate? Can you not Google how many tires in the world? No, you can't Google how many fucking tires or doors there are! Dude, you know how many doors and tires are making a day? We have a computer!

Since we started talking about it, you know how many fucking wheels were made? And how many cars crashed and how many wheels there are no more? How many doors came down? This is what's been going on since my absence. What about an advent calendar with all those little doors on it? Alright, dude, you're getting obsessed about little doors on it? All right, dude. You're getting obsessed about the doors. All right?

I think it's doors. What about little model cars? You know, they got the doors, too. Yeah, those cars. But they also got doors. But then also they have wheels. But their wheels don't turn a lot of times. Yeah, but the doors cancel out the wheels on a car because it's... Unless it's a two-seater.

So basically, take cars out. Just take cars out. Cars don't matter. They do matter. But they don't matter. Like your car has only two doors. Okay. And you have four wheels. But what if it's a sedan? Deuce bag cars. Our cars don't matter. They do matter. But they don't matter. Like your car has only two doors. Okay. And you have four wheels.

But what if it's a sedan? Deuce bag cars. Deuce bag cars. You get the win. Jim Morrison. He's a door. He's a door. One door.

Oh, the door. And there's four doors. Four doors, dude. Four doors. We got four doors. Like they don't drive to gigs. They got wheels, man. What about Wheels Parisi, that comedian that keeps doing fundraisers?

No, no, no, no, no. That's one wheels. Wheels. One wheel. Yeah. I can't believe you don't have an answer. That's insane. The answer is different now than it was an hour ago.

Tires on all the fat people. Does that count? This is falling off the rails. This is falling off the what? Rails. No doors or wheels on rails. Do we want to spin to see who does the pinata? You almost got him.

What do you mean? I got a pinata for you guys' birthday. Brennan used to fight. He can do it. And it's filled with what? Candy. I'm into that. No, Chris, you're spinning.

This is the thing that you bought and then made? And then you made this? Yeah, do high-level shit here, bro. That's a wheel. That's a wheel. It it is a wheel we're not as sophisticated as congratulations well then oh my congratulations is raw what you see is what you get but this is a whole production yeah i appreciate you now think about this isn't even the patreon give it now give it help give it help one more there you go dude if it's me i'm'm going to suck. Theo! It was TNT. What do I have to do? You got to blindfold yourself and get that piccata.

Dude, hit the shot. Maybe we should all win. You went to some Mexican parties when you were a kid. This is a whole production. King of this thing in the wing, baby. Okay. It's your birthday party, guys. Thank you very much.

I appreciate that. That cake does look lit. And you know what? I appreciate the cake because Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle themed, which is basically for you and me. Yeah, I love that. Man, that's really cool. I think Theo liked turtles too.

Yeah, you did. He didn't have a TV. You guys act like I'm 100 years old. No, you remember it, but you were 30 when it came out. My favorite show was In the Heat of the Night with Carol O'Connor. I was into the comic books. That's next year's cake. Yeah, but Eric, you didn't know the names of the characters?

Yeah. You didn't know the name of the characters? They. You didn't know the names of the characters? They're all fucking... Can we talk about Robotech or Thundercats maybe? Yeah, Thundercats. Thundercats. Ho! Yeah, okay?

That's some real shit, all right? He-Man. Can we go He-Man? Yeah, I could do He-Man. He-Man was super homoerotic when you think about it. Everybody... Oh, Jesus. He-Man was gay.

I think you used the other one. So was Captain Planet. Oh, that's pretty good. Oh, man. Did you just stab him? you just check like you're supposed to do it Well Donatello That's what Donatello would do right? Can you the candy has to fall? Oh Brother be careful everyone this guy knows his own strength watch out right now. Oh, yeah, dude Oh, let's see. How many times you talk about crow cop while he does this You're a brute Wow Brute. Wow. Brendan, why do you do that? Oh, damn it, dude. See, one minute thing, and then he goes nuts, man.

Just chill out, man. Look at the shot. Bro, that's why you're not invited to the parties a lot. It's my party. Yeah. And he'll smash you if you want to, right? Crazy to be uninvited to your own party. What if he woke up at his own house and his party's going on?

That could happen. You don't get an invite. There's your candy. Yeah. You just want candy. You guys didn't get an invite. There's your candy. Yeah. You just want candy. You guys didn't rush at it. Well, hold on, though. I'm the youngest one here.

The quarterback of the Lions has a video for us. Do you? Yeah, my lower back's killing me, too. But look, guys, we're getting old. All right. Well, you know. Well, you guys are. Well, yeah, you are, too.

Everyone is. The majority as well. I'm not. Are you the youngest? Yeah, by far are. Yeah, but. Well, yeah, you are too. Everyone is. The majority as well. I'm not. Are you the youngest? Yeah, by far. What do you mean by far? Okay, tone it down. How old are you?

38. 38. Oh, you're still old as fuck. I'm 41. It's like I'm right there, bro. Oh, you're 41? Yeah. Yeah, but you have a four in it, so.

Well, he's got a four in two fucking years. Yeah, but two years is a long time. Until then. Two years is not a long time. Two years is a long time. Listen, when the moment's ready to go, your girl's ready to go, your dude's ready to go, you need to be ready. Not just regular ready.

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Now this is where the rubber meets the road. This is where the wheels meet the door, baby. What are you guys doing? To hack the system, brother. And you know what I'm talking about. Look at me. We're on the same page right now, baby. All right?

I've tapped into the fucking ethosphere, son. You know what I'm saying? I'll see you across the little cooking grill or whatever. The thing with Asian people is they look young and then 75 hits. Brennan said all the time. At some point, it just goes bam. It's like Cinderella.

Midnight hits, they turn into fucking Schmeagle. Oh, dude, yeah. But black people, I'll tell you what though, black people, they're either old or young, right? Like look at Morgan Freeman.

How long has he been fucking? He's 100. He's looked old forever though. When he was 22, he looked seven. But that's what I'm saying. But then there's black dudes that just seem fucking young forever, too, right? Asians are tough. They're either 19 or 77.

But, Theo, you're- Like Denzel Washington, he's getting up there. Now he's finally- Have you seen him lately? Have you seen him lately? Yeah. Yeah, it's his mouth that makes him look good. He's turning into the black Steven Seagal.

Yes. Ooh, he didn't age well, huh? Huh? Steven Seagal. He put on some power. But he moved down to New Orleans and he started eating all that salt. No, dog, they kicked him out. He's in Russia now. Is he really? Oh, you didn't age well, huh? Huh? Steve was a guy. He put on some pounds. When he moved down to New Orleans and he started eating all that salt. No, dog. He was drinking salt.

They kicked him out. He's in Russia now. Is he really? What? Oh, you didn't know this? He's a citizen of Russia. What? Yeah, he's in Russia.

Wow. Yeah, Putin like whatever gave him. Did you see him eat the carrot? Did you see him eat the carrot? Uh-oh. He deep-throated the carrot? Oh, dude, if you look it up, eat the carrot. He deep-throated it.

It was like someone was like, he was like somewhere. They were taking pictures. He was like, now that's a great carrot. And he eats a carrot. And he just goes like. Now. That's good for you. Carrots are good for you. But it's like, a great carrot. And he eats a carrot. And he just goes like. Now. That's good for you. Carrots are good for you.

But it's like, whatever, bro. It's just a carrot. I'm 10 years away from looking like Steven Seagal. Just watch this. All right. Can you go back to that last one? Watch him eat the carrot. I know, but I'm just saying this.

Steven Seagal's hair dye. It's like, stop, bro. I like it. No. No, man. I also like it. No. Never, ever dye your hair if you're a guy.

Never dye your hair if you're a guy never dye your hair if you're a guy unless you don't ever do it you know what i mean and you're like you're in a i guess if you have to yeah you have to yeah other than that because i stopped doing i was i dyed my hair a little bit then i grew this beard out and i was like oh this is how i look so what am i doing fuck it yeah i'm also getting married bro yeah dude you out you out you're not in the race about the game baby no never dye your hair because you could always tell. You could always tell as a guy. You sitting in the car, bro. That's Dio telling those guys, that's dye right there, right?

Yeah, sometimes I'll dye. But also, for Eric's point. It would be so boss to have a... No, Chicks dig the salt and pepper. Actually, though. You got a wife, bro, and you got a wife. So you guys are in a different deal, bro. Yeah, but my ear's still to the ground, daddy.

I gotta know what's going on for your sake. Oh, wow. Oh, my God. My ear's to the ground, bro. Yeah, but my ear's still to the ground, daddy. I gotta know what's going on. Oh, wow. Oh, my God. My ear's to the ground. Wow, his ear's to the ground, though. You know? Your eye is just gonna fall out. No, it's bugging out.

But also, no, but you shouldn't dye this. But also, shave it, though. He looks like somebody that gets fucked at Thanksgiving in prison. Hold on a second. Here's the thing that pisses me off about it. People that die, they don't keep it up right. What do you mean? Like, Theo's died, but, motherfucker, we can see the roots.

But that's in honor of fucking black people and everything they've gone through, dog. Oh, fuck. I'm trying to support y'all, fam. We out here, dog. I like it, man. These fucking roots. I like it. This ain't a purple bandana

this is great baby okay you know what I'm saying let's go baby oh my god in honor of black people he keep it always

I mean I keep it 100 dude Oprah Winfrey and it's after you're so fucking stupid and it's after February too so you keeping it you keeping it

I stay baby what do you call it I stay strong what's this? Make this him deep thrown a carrot? Give us. I mean, just watch.

Just watch. Watch how we eat it. He eats it like a fucking... Oh, they don't even wash it? No, it's gross as shit. It's just, well, you know, it's clean under it. Is that in Russia?

Why is he dressed like Batman? Watch, watch, watch. Just watch, watch. Watch how quick. So quick. What weird, right? But it's Russia bro This is like a

He looks a little like my dad No I don't know if this is Russia They have watermelons in Russia? How weird is it that people Just proud of their fucking carrots and shit Like I'm not with watermelons in Russia Look at him

Look at him eat the fucking thing dude Why is it so weird when he eats it? Look how quick it goes Go back Look how quick it goes From when he hands it to him To when it gets in his mouth Watch

How fucking quick. Look. He is too nasty. Lightning, dude. That's that Aikido shit. He was hungry. Yeah, that's Aikido. I like a nice carrot myself.

I mean, fine. It's fine. Ooh, it's fine. Carrots are fine. How love was this? No, dude. Anyone who loves carrots. What were they doing?

I don't know. I don't get what they were doing. Why are they there? But, bro, Brendan also looks like he works for carrots right now? I don't know. I don't get what they were doing. Why are they there? But, bro, Brendan also looks like he works for carrots. Yeah, I know. I understand. I look like I have carrots on me at all times. Yeah, dude.

Why did you fucking- Carrotello. What is this? Look at how bullshit everything is. A Russian carrot. Belarus. And watermelon in Belarus. The Hollywood star.

I would love to eat watermelon in Russia. Me too. God, it sounds romantic. Maybe not right now, but yeah. It sounds romantic? I think so. Well, you'd be eat watermelon in Russia. Me too. God, it sounds romantic. Maybe not right now, but yeah. It sounds romantic? I think so. Well, you'd be all right in Russia.

A slice of watermelon in Russia? I don't think I'd be okay. Are there a lot of black Russians? No, they don't really. No, they don't. I think it was David Duke or someone that said, Russia is the last chance for the white man. Quick, Phil, call him out. He changed his number.

Who did? What are we talking about? David Duke's the leader of the out. He changed his number. Who did? What are we talking about? David Duke's the leader of the Duke. I missed everything. Oh, got it. But Theo literally lifted with David Duke at LSU. He was his neighbor. You did?

When I was in high school, I used to lift weights. Roommates. Oh, you did steroids with him. Wait, wait, wait. When you guys were lifting weights, did y'all talk? Was he like, white people, right? And you were like, what did you chime in with? I mean, I don't know if,

I mean. This is in the 90s, be cool. Yeah, I don't ever, yeah, it was a different time. Oh, I like how you just let that go. It was a different time. Did you, wait, hold on,

I have an actual question. Did you lift with David Dukes? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. He still lives behind my, he still lives behind some of my family. They live in the same neighborhood.

And look, I'll say this, man. We didn't get into anybody's ideologies or nothing. We were just doing chest and chest. Not even yours? He was just trying to get swole, man. Not even your ideology? No. You know what?

You got that set up nice right now. I like that. And he was jacked. Thanks, man. Yeah, you guys were just trying to get swole, doing drop sets, dropping N-bombs and sets. He was jacked at the timeombs and sets he was j he was jacked at the time too and he's dating the hottest girl at our um pull him up white girl restaurant just kidding i know the answer yeah white yeah but dark eyes i gotta see what he

looks like imagine if it wasn't a white girl what if he's dating a black girl yeah a lot of guys a lot of guys do that kind of shit though like you know maybe a black girl broke his heart and then that set him on the path that's why so angry well people say kid rocks races he maybe a black girl broke his heart and then that set him on the path. That's why I'm so angry. Well, people say Kid Rock's racist. He has a black son, man, who he loves. Who says Kid Rock's racist? People do, man. Yeah, people say that. Really?

But like, but that's, so did, so did like Thomas Jefferson had a black son too. That don't mean he wasn't racist. Yeah. Well, he had sex with a slave. Yeah. Just because you're, you know, having sex with somebody doesn't mean you can't be racist. It's like Arnold's kid. You know what I mean?

Like, he's sleeping with the help. We're going to get kids. Like, those people are fucking at the person. Oh, that's Moe Duke. That's Moe Duke. Amazing. Well, there's his girl. I used to love that show, though.

Dukes of Hazzard. See, that was before me. That was a little before me. Dukes of Hazzard was my show. There's Dave. Wow. I don't like how you call him Dave, but that's fine. I don't like that. He's fit.

He's fit. He's a patriot. He's fit. He's fit. There he is. And she's kind of dark. She's tan. He probably hates it.

No, she's not tan. She's just a white chick. She's a little tan. Let's get into the episode. They're at the beach. This guy's got another debate club for us. Okay, this is Jared Goff. Wow, the fact that you know that.

He follows Ben Insider. Brody, come at you from Alabama. We're just doing some work over here, listening to the Shob Show. Doing some work means racism also, I want to say that. I was wondering, would you rather fight Brendan or listen to Theo talk about his feelings for two hours? You're getting a headache no matter what you choose. I'm just letting Shob show me the fuck out so I can go home with my easy, quick headache. Except for the long, drugged out one.

Anyway, boys, I understand it's everybody's birthday. So happy birthday to everybody in the studio. Love all y'all's content. I love this guy. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Dude, that earpiece is from where and when? That's from Best Buy in 1990. I mean, an airport for sure.

That looks like that free one you get on an airplane or something like that. Yeah. That's that Russia style. That's horrible. Okay, that's a really great fucking question. Good question. I mean, honestly, the bruises would last,

but Brendan would probably just take care of you fucking quick. Yeah. So maybe he would choke you out. Why don't we bring up one of Theo's rants that we could decide right now? No, no way. No way. If we don't have to, we don't want to do that. Theo would talk to you for two hours quick yeah so maybe he would choke you out one of theo's rants that we could decide right now no no way no way if we don't have to we don't want to do that theo would talk to you for two hours and here's the deal if i could get somewhere with theo and help him then yes but i don't know

if that's possible yeah right if we're talking about for two hours and he's just talking about his shit and gonna do his shit anyway And you can't give him any advice? If you can give him comfort, cool. That's cool friendship. Oh, Chris, you think you're smarter than his therapist who can't get through to him? Yeah. No, I don't. Yeah, but I also don't want to get hit in the face, so.

I know. But I don't know if Brendan would do that as the thing. He could just like choke you out and you'd be like, oh. Maybe like a gut punch. What if that was it? A gut punch. No, that would last a long time. I'd rather get hit in the face.

You'd rather get hit in the face? Yeah. I guess so. Your face is more. The gut punch. You would know, right? But I'd rather get hit in the face. You'd rather get hit in the face? Yeah. I guess so. Your face is more. The gut pump is. You would know, right? But I would rather fight Brendan. Than listen to yourself?

Yeah. That says so much. I think that solves this one. That says so much. Why are we even voting if you're you? You're killing me today, man. Yeah. Man, I don't have an option.

I just get to listen to Theo all the time. Ooh, this is Brendan in the room. Oh, look at Chin over there sneaking a little bit of five-hour energy, huh? This guy's younger than Brendan. King, Sting, and the Wing. What's going on, guys? This is Travis from Colorado. I got a debate question for you today.

I've been managing a pawn shop for about ten years now. I love pawn shops. Burglar. We were recently bought out by a more corporate company, so it would change kind of how we do things a little bit. Also changes our music selection. I'm a fan of Whitney Houston and Aerosmith just like anybody else, I guess, but I can only hear their songs so many times in a day before I start losing it. Oh, they're making them play them. My question to you is, what do you think of music, uncensored music, or music that you don't normally hear in like a Target or Walmart or something?

Something a little off the beaten path that might have some cuss words in it. We can keep it good, but we got to mix it up a little bit. I'm with you, dude. Oh, yeah. I got to hear the N-word in a song. If I've been up for 20 minutes and haven't heard it i can't even fuck i just i just envisioned theo in his car and he's got rap music playing and he's just like you know yeah but also the white people and then word hits they go no it gets louder but you don't put the windows down you gotta celebrate your people though but you don't need to have the n-word in

it to know that it's in it you can have the radio edit and have it be like, you know what I mean? Instead of the N-word. They say ninja instead. Feel it. But if you paid for it, I think you should be able to hear it. But you're not paying. It's fucking, I mean, I guess if you're doing Spotify or whatever. But this is corporate shit.

Yeah, but if I go to a pawn shop, I'd like some hype music, man. I'm about to buy some weird shit. I bought a saxophone. What I want to know is what corporate place buys a pawn shop? Maybe there's some corporate pawn shop. And that guy sold out. What's he mad about? He sold his company and now he's mad. Oh, it's him? I thought

he was just an employee. No, he said he owned. It's his own fault, dude. It's probably Baskin-Robbins or something. They merge in with everything. You see it all the time. Or some Fat 3 from the Ponce star show. What's on Theo's fucking...

What is that? Probably just some greatness. I'll say this, dude. Is that tape from his wig? No, I think that's from the... Oh, it's tape from the bandana. What was the guy asking about? Oh, the music?

I think, yeah. I think you want to hear some like... Who plays that song? Gold all in my chain. Gold all up in my chain Gold all up in my wrist I'm 50 Is that Gucci man No it's not

Trinidad James That's what I want to hear when I'm there I want some ratchet shit if I'm going to buy a gold chain But that's a commercial song you guys You need to hear some Boosie up shit if I'm going to buy a gold chain from Amazon. But that's a commercial song, you guys. You need to hear some Boosie up in that, bitch. You're saying Aerosmith. I'm going to hear some gunshots go off. You know what I'm saying?

I'm going to have a pawn shop. Here's the real question. I want some ratchet shit. No, but the real question is, what can you listen to all day without going crazy? Because I can't listen to rap music all day. I can listen to probably Morgan Wallen. I can listen to some Patsy Cline, Connor Smith. Dude, how about Morgan Wallen?

Just one country music Artist of the Year. Derailment. Derailment. But. Sorry. I just want to point that out. I could listen to what else, dude. No, that is great.

Big deal. No, it is a big deal. Because he got canceled. I know he did. And he's back. Derailment. I thought you'd like that story. I do.

I do like that story. I like redemption. I like redemption. Now let's talk about redemption. No, hold on. He looks like somebody. Derailment. No.

No, yeah, yeah. But good derailment, right? But Morgan Wallen winning? But saving it, right? Derailment, but then saving it, putting it back on track on a different track, but also it's nice. On wheels. Yeah. Doors to get in the train.

And I will. But look. Sliding doors. What the hell are we talking about? Sliding doors. I don't know. Oh, the music. The music.

You know what your boy listens to? You know what your boy listens to? Nothing't open. I don't know. Oh, the music. The music. You know what your boy listens to? You know what your boy listens to? Nothing, dude. I don't put on fucking music. I don't put on a podcast. I don't put shit on. And when Kristen puts on shit and gets ready, I get so upset. You're a monster.

I'm not a monster. Your kid doesn't listen to music? He is. My kid is too. I mean, he likes fucking, you know, baby shark. Dude, he just starts singing it. He just goes, baby shark. Dude, dude, dude, dude.

He sounds like a psychopath. He doesn't really. He is a, you are a Tim Burton drawing that will not stop. That's fine. That's fine. That's fine. You don't listen to music? My kids listen to Doja Cat.

Wait a minute. We can't just let this go. Hold on. You look like a prisoner at FedEx, dude. Hell yeah. Wait, FedEx got jails? I'll drop that package off. How do you not listen to music, man? drop that package off how do you not listen to music man sexual what how do you not listen to music i don't listen to music i'll tell you what you

don't even you want to talk a lot or you want me to tell you why you don't like any music it's not what i said i said i don't this is the worst birthday party ever dude that's his birthday party he's having a party people like this no music i'll tell you i'll tell you music playing everybody's just quiet whenever you guys are done you don't even sing happy birthday right you have to say it happy birthday i give them a note that says oh it's just happy birthday um no oh it's just happy birthday um no all of them happy birthday to you one time oh dude want to hear the funniest shit one time there was a russian family at stanley's it was a place that used to announce i'm like theo but

it's true it was a fucking place i used to go to and this family was russian for sure russian you can tell just by the way they sit because they were just having no fun right they're sad and they and then the fucking at stanley they used to sing happy birthday to you when the fucking thing it was the kid's birthday and everyone starts to sing all the waiters and waitresses coming like they're like happy birthday to you what happens when the waiters and waitresses do that the whole fucking place goes happy birthday to you they join in right yeah guess what the family didn't do they didn't join in the family didn't join in it was the kids fucking birthday the family didn't join in singing It was the kid's fucking birthday.

The family didn't join in singing. So everybody, the waiters and waitresses, we were all singing, Happy birthday, dear. Who? Russians. Who? Dude, the family sat there. Dude, everyone went, everyone went happy.

Everyone went like this. Dude, everyone, I swear to God, Everyone went like this Dude Everyone I swear to God Everyone went like this Happy birthday Dear Happy birthday Dude it was the funniest

Shit ever bro It's the most Russian Shit ever It was so Russian Now this next caller Looks like a fashion nova Theo This guy

A little bit of a You guys have the same notes Chris had a baby right No this looks like A hype beast Theo This looks like a Theo when Chris had a baby, right? No, this looks like a hype beast Theo. This looks like one of the early stages of Eric, I think. This is like, does he have a nose piercing? I was 175 pounds when I was a baby. No, this is like when God was making Eric.

Here we go. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, listen, Eric. No, yeah, just fucking take a load off, dude. You don't want to miss out. So he was making Eric, and then he was putting the fucking, the feminine shit in, and then someone goes, God? He says, what?

Oh, oh, oh, shit. Oh, fuck, let him go. That's who he is. Too much. His nose is pierced. I fucking dropped too much feminine shit in here. This guy definitely lives near a piano, I feel like. Oh, 100%, yeah.

Also important. He lives near a piano? Is that a thing? Mm-hmm. That's a nose piercing, baby. It's a nose piercing. Wow. Do that, Theo.

I didn't know we were going to do that much. Dude, I used to hook up with this chick, bro, and she kept her spare house key on her nose piercing. Isn't that awesome? Isn't that awesome? Oh, really smart. Yeah. It didn't work out. But how many times did she go like this?

How many times did she go like this? Fuck, fuck, fuck. Oh. You're so stupid. I knew that would get him. I knew it. I said this, bro. When Eric was younger, dog, he wouldn't laugh at just anything, bro.

Well, bro. That's not true. He developed a sense of humor, and now it's better. Yeah, you're right. How'd this turn into bashing me? It's not. It's me. He's trying to bash me, but I'm recovering.

My bad. I just feel bad about myself, probably. That's okay. Let's go. Oh, that're right. How'd this turn into bashing me? It's not it's me. He's trying to bash me, but I'm recovering. My bad. I just feel bad about myself, probably. That's okay. Let's go. Oh, that makes sense. Chris, watching some King of the Sting while I work. Great voice. Got the dog with me.

Guy's sexy. Yeah, a little bit. I have a quick King of the Sting for you guys. Yeah, if he could sing. Who needs him? I'm doing feminine shit as a guy. Oh, dude. I'm talking about like a hair care routine skin care routine painting your nails

taking a bath well basically just pampering the shit out of yourselves show that picture of theo again i've been doing it for a little bit and it seems to be working it's good scan uh but king or sting it gang gang buzz buzz and don't fucking push me nice i like that first of all i love a good bath so fuck i hate baths no in the now oh give me the shower all day zero joy in this game this is not no music first of all i have music while i'm in the bath man i got music playing while i'm in the bath oh bro i'm in the bath just like do you have a pussy under your balls because you have to be a little bit feminine to be in the bath listening to music.

It's fine. And they got the good acoustics in the bath. I know I sing in the shower but I do my own shit. Ugh. 525,600 minutes. I'll kill it, bro.

Oh my god. 525, bro. Oh, my God. 525,000. You're the worst, dude. Dude, I know it. I know the music, but I don't listen to it. I make my own. This is the feminine shit this guy's talking about right here. What?

I was jacked and fucking. Dude, you just got out of bath, and you put on some fucking eyeliner and some rouge right in this picture right here. So let's talk about it. It's college day, Theo, man. Imagine that guy right there slipping and falling. That's hilarious, dude. Right there.

Slipping and falling. Theo, right there. Hey, does anybody else fuck with a bath, though? No, no, no. I will say this, that recently... Just say yes.

Just say yes, motherfucker. Don't let them bully you. Here we go. Tell these bitches you like a man. No, he's going to tell a fucking story about when he was a fucking young boy and all the shit was.

They heated up water. We have to listen to another horrible story where at the end of it, Chris has no joy in his soul. He goes, and that's the end. All stories should end like that. And that's the end of the story. I do that so you guys know that now you guys

can fucking chime in about it. Oh my God. Alright, what's the best shit, Theo? This fucking killer over here. 525. Fucking Lee Harvey Oswards over here. We got to listen to another fucking sniper shot of bullshit. Fucking death from the distance.

Oh, fucking, you're the mortar. You're the mortar of bullshit. Bro, at least I come in and pap, pap, I take care of it. Pap, pap, immediately. You, the mortar. And everyone gets hit mortar of bullshit. Bro, at least I come in and pap, pap. I take care of it. Pap, pap immediately. You, the mortar. And everyone gets hit with that bullshit. I am a warrior. Let's hear about your bath routine.

All right. What's up with your bath? Do you take baths? I will say this. A new thing that some guys are doing, even tough guys, are putting basil in the bathtub. You get about 12, 14, 18 ounces of basil. Put it in that water. Get in there with that.

Are you cooking yourself? That's a soup. Takes a lot of the toxins out of your body. If you guys want toxins, then have them. I don't want them. How's it working for you? I want toxins. How's it working for you?

That was a nice way of saying that you like taking a bath with one of those bath bombs. That's how I do it. I'm getting a bath bomb. A basil bath bomb? Is everything going on in the Ukraine? You're fucking doing bath bombs? Oh, it's working for Madonna. Oh, oh, it's working.

Because her face is fantastic. Yeah, dude. Look how great she looks. My son. She looks horrible. She's 70-something. So look 70-something. No, why would she

want to look 70-something? Fuck that, dude. When I'm 70-something, oh, I'm going to look 70-something. I'm going to look like Larry David. Fuck that, dude. Facelifting shit and all that stuff? No way, way bro what you see is what you get and i'm raw and that's why my podcast is really good man because it's raw and what you see is what you get no knock on the production i love the production value of now my new podcast king the sting of the wing

which is also available on patreon if you'd like two extra episodes yeah but what i'm saying is but look at this i have actually lost track with what i'm saying but you guys from madonna no it's a suit you're a suit she got a dish thing. Fuck. Madonna taking it too far. That video's creepy. She's got a plate. She's got a coffee mug. It's upside down in the fucking shit.

Were you doing this before she did it, too? Oh, I've been doing this for probably almost, I would say probably almost five years, five and a half years. You got the best skin here, so maybe I'll try it out. Thank you. Oh, look at you now. I'm sure you got a big-ass bathtub in your mansion. No, I got a hot tub, daddy. My skin's banging.

I go in the hot tub every night with my kiddo. So that's a bath. It's a hot tub. Oh, he's a faker. It's a hot tub. You're in that hot tub, though, and you know that feels good. Oh, yeah. What?

Shut the fuck up. He is such a fucking buffoon. He's in a hot tub. Okay. Yeah, bro. Y'all gay, bro. What are you talking about? You've been a gay soul man for five years.

All y'all gay, man. Oh, fuck. That's nature, bro. Oh, fuck. And look at this shit. Let's get less gay and bring this back. Oh Oh fuck, she just came from tennis. Or her shift at Denny's. Or giving a massage.

My name's Megan, I'm 24. Be more meek. I live in Adelaide, South Australia. Of course, you can tell me. What's she hiding? She's hiding from where she works. Is this a whose fan is she thing? She's trying to keep her heart from jumping into my mouth oh my god

see that's that bath right there yeah that basil flaring up oh uniform well what is this for i can't i don't know if i'm allowed to watch it. Is this human trafficking? Her audio is bad. Wait, why did she spin around like that? That's her. My name is Megan. Beautiful name. And she's very attractive.

I'm in Adelaide, South Australia. Been there. Me too. I'm in my placement uniform at the moment. Oh, she's on a bowling team? Beautiful. I got to go on placement today. This is like Tron, the department store.

I don't think the unit would like it showing. Oh. So I'm in my fourth year, my last year of my physiotherapy degree. Oh. and I'm wondering whether I should go get a job in my home state, so South Australia, or whether I should go overseas to somewhere like the UK, get a job, and travel to Europe in my free time so I can be traveling and working at the same time.

She talks so fast. Will you play it again? She's actually not talking fast at all. I don't want to hear it. I'm not jacking off today. Can you play it again? Theo's made it. Can you play it again? Play it again.

I'm just saying. Here you go, Theo. Nick, let me get this straight. She's asking if she should take a job overseas? Or in Australia. She's in... She's a massage therapist? I think placement is like their residency for physical therapy Oh but like she's I rolled my ankle girl why'd you pick this

one I'm just curious no no I was just gonna say yeah but also with this video video Nick you're fired fire yet he's like Milton we fire just keep showing up I mean god bless the lady she looks very sweet yeah Nick you're fired I'm sorry oh here comes her husband I know to how this whole thing ends. So my wife wants to go to Europe, and I'm not sure. What up, Brendan? What up, Theo? What up, Chris? What up, Eric? It's your boy Alex from Nashville, and I got a King Eater's finger for you.

So DNA test. I was always a little iffy about them. It's kind of weird. I don't want people knowing my stuff. I agree. I finally did one and learned some pretty interesting things. Got a lot of Irish, got a lot of Scottish. Got a little Wilson.

I actually have a bunch of Irish and Scottish kings in my bloodline. All right, well, don't brag. Related to William the Conqueror. Is he a coach? First, second, and third. Look at how he's standing. Third base coach. Yeah.

It's really interesting. What do you guys think? King it or stink it? I want to go back. I'm interested in learning about your ancestry. Okay, nice. Okay. He came with it.

That's nice. I want to go back. There is one second in there where he is so insecure, I can't even believe it. And it's one second. Go ahead. Play in the beginning. I'm going to stop you where he gets so fucking insecure. This is Alex from Nashville.

Right there. When he looks to the side. Right there when he looks to the side. I fucking feel it. Go ahead. Look. Go ahead. From the beginning.

From the beginning. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Nick. Right before he goes down. Here we go. Right here. Chris. Go ahead from the beginning. From the beginning. Come on, come on. Come on, come on.

Nick. Right before he goes down. Here we go. Right here. Chris, what up, Eric? It's your boy Alex from Nashville. Oh! Unbelievable, the insecurity.

What are you talking about? Unbelievable, dude. I know these things, man. Yeah, I'm with you. This guy just got so insy on his fuck, inside himself. It's all good, dude. Be you. Don't look around, man. He's doing great. He did Be you Don't look around man He's doing great

He did fine He's doing fine He's too tall to race Bro I notice shit like this Cause I'm not busy Listening to music Cause you're busy Like planning your bullying

It's all good bro I love this dude Rips into this dude Whose grandfather Was a king you idiot Yeah stop He's dead bro Look at what guy

I'm the guy In school When somebody walks in the door And he's in the back like, oh, look at this pussy. Hey, you want to know the truth? Uh-huh. I was on the other end of that. That's why now I'm this way. That makes sense. Nick, you're fired.

Well. This guy has giantism, too. He does? He does. He's in a couple videos. Really? Yeah. That's what I was gonna say

Did you find out There's giants in your fucking family Why? From back in the day He's so big This guy's big? Yeah Are you serious?

I don't know how big that door is He walks in the door Yeah You can hear his family Hiding behind him With bushels of food Yeah That dude is a giant

He's a giant Really? Brian Callen Bigfoot Silva Buffed up No this has nothing to do with Brian. Brandon and Brian. Right?

If Brandon and Brian just beat themselves into each other. I mean, he's bigger than me. I bet you he's 6'6". I mean, how the fuck did you test? What are you? Watch him walk through the door, man. What are you, software? I didn't even know.

Because I watch a lot of First 48. He's closeted, bro. Look how big that fucking thing is. Okay, yeah, he looks big. He like ducked under the light. DNA test? Anybody take one? No.

I have one. I got one for Christmas. That's how they caught the Golden State Killer, bro. I got one for Christmas. I didn't do it yet. Is that how they caught him? Really?

Yep, yep. Because he did a DNA test? Yep. The Golden State Killer. Yep. Wow. They got him and he was like 80, right? Patton Oswalt's ex.

Right, right, right. I saw some of that, yeah. The wife who passed away caught him. Wow. Sad. Derail he was like 80, right? Patton Oswalt's ex. Right, right, right. I saw some of that, yeah. Wife who passed away, caught him. Wow. Derailment. The more you know. Turn that into death. Okay.

Well, what was the question he had even? Do it? I have one. I didn't do it yet. He put King or Sting at giantism. King or Sting, there's nothing you can do about it. I like the old-fashioned way you meet people you can tell if you know them or not when you meet them sometimes. Yeah, I don't need to know your family history. But does that mean, is giantism, does that mean he has a giant dick too?

Whoa, buddy. Everything is gay. Just because you're getting older doesn't mean you got to gay out. Yeah. It actually does mean that. You have to gay out when you get older. Your options go down, so you have to. But you can't be looking at men.

No, man. I would just ask, giantism, is it everything? You were asking in a medical way. Yes! No, you could have said, does his body have... Is some of his body larger? He could say, does everything grow? And then like...

And wink? Then you guys would imply dick. So it's the same thing. Oh, you mean dick? That'd be really good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could have put the gayness on you guys I don't know

If I was gay I'd know bro Yeah me too People I've met with giantism You have hormone imbalance from birth Oh imagine you got giantism And you didn't get it on your dick Dude it says their genitalia Go up Nick

Their genitalia may be undeveloped Smaller than normal. But it says this is a tweet. No, that's terrible. This is a tweet from Daniel Holm. We don't even fucking. He's a retired hospital nurse. Nursing supervisor.

So he says. A former, I am a retired hospital nursing supervisor. You know what, that's somebody who smokes behind a hospital, dude. That's not even a fucking. He's not even a nurse. He's the supervisor of's somebody who smokes behind a hospital, dude. That's not even a fucking... So he's not even a nurse. He's the supervisor of the nurses. That's a cigarette smoker. Look at the...

Can I just read the fucking tags? Why is this where we get the information? Gigantism, male genitalia, large penises, penis size, genitalia, penises. And that's my search history in a nutshell. So you're telling me you're a giant and your dick doesn't grow yeah sometimes man or is it life ain't fair or is it or is it that they're not looking at it right because you're growing and your penis isn't so it's not necessarily smaller we made a mistake together what is happening i was talking and in the middle of a sentence.

And whoopsie daisy, Brandon started talking. It's all good, but it's where we're at now. He always does it. He's done it forever. We need to sneak into his place while he's doing congratulations and just fucking. And he'll just go crazy. I'm in the middle of a thought. Oh, man.

Krista did that once. Lost my mind. She needed to print something out. And the printer is in my room. Why is the printer in your room? Shut up, dude. Because he's a control freak. That's why the printer is in his room.

Oh, you're right. Nothing is printed In the Delia compound That's not in my room Compound Yeah I'll determine I determine what gets printed

I'll determine the doctrines In this place You're a fucking Monster And no music's playing By the way No Ever

So you don't have A Spotify account Or like an Apple music No bro He has a small Amplifier hooked near his breath, and it's just his breath permeating through speakers in his place. Who's this?

I just asked him. I have that guy's number, and I asked him. I'll say average, but proportional. My friend still left a kick out of calling me Arizona Sweet Tea Can Dick. I think he made that name up, and that's fine. No, Theo probably said it, right? Did Theo write that text? But also, their hands are so big, so

I bet it makes their dick look small. You have those big dick beaters and you put it on your junk. Get another. We should just get Theo to put his hand on it and see what happens. It might look big. You do have dainty hands. I got good-sized hands for a good-sized man and I ain't touching nobody's dick. Good-sized hands for a good-sized man. That's some shit that's dick. Good-sized hands for a good-sized man.

That's some shit that's on your fucking Spotify list and you know it. That's a horrible song. By Morgan Whelan. What's this guy want? I listen to good shit. I'm not saying you don't. I'm just saying I listen.

I like Morgan Whelan. I'm just saying. Oh, my God. I got a good-sized man. I'll tell you why you don't like him because that's not even how you say his fucking name. Morgan Whelan. You've been exposed.

He's doing it wrong. Yeah, bro. You fake. You've been exposed. He's doing it wrong. Yeah, bro. You fake. You've been exposed, bro. That's what you British. Orange Julius Ninja over here to help me out, bro. Morgan Wallen. It's Waylon.

No, it's Wallen. Ask him twice. Ask him once and then ask him again and he'll crack. I really don't need you, man. I believe it's Wallen. Hit it. Hey, everybody. This is Anthony from Rockford, Illinois.

Connect your beard. Happy birthday to all you guys. You've all played a huge role in my life. Thank you for that. What a fucking sweetheart. Be nice to him, Chris. What do you think about them? I personally love them.

A lot of people don't. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz, sore. Nice. I'm in the bath. Native American also have Native American I'm in the bath I like to watch a good sleepless in Seattle with Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds what's that one proposal yeah I love you like friends I like going the distance what's that one bitch viewing that's what I call it big oh that's what you guys are doing bro what y' know what? Watch all your asses.

You watch these movies and you cry by yourself. Your David Duke is flaring out, bro. I don't watch any of this shit. I'll tell you what I watch, dude. Okay. Let me see. My Pinky. American Ninja Warrior.

Dopesick I watched. You saw that. It's good. Don't put your finger up if there's not two at least. If you don't have at least. If you don't at least have two. Hold on a second. Date lines.

Okay. I'm into that. 2020. Okay. I like it. The fact that you went from one regular show now to murder documentaries means that it's not, you don't really have that much that you watch. Your fingers are wrinkly as hell, man. Brother, that's because I've been to war.

Really? There it is. Wow. You know what? I'm like an oak tree, dude. You cut me open, dog. I'm full of history, son. So hold on.

So I watch Datelines. Good. I'm into Datelines. Fear Thy Neighbor is a really good one. Is it? Oh, yeah. It's on Discovery+. I got Discovery+.

Do you guys have Discovery+,? No, I can't figure out my Paramount login. Oh, I got a new show for you guys. That's a different one. It's called Hot and Heavy. Eric, you'd love this. Not a different one. It's called Hot and Heavy. Eric, you'd love this. Not a fat joke. It's called Hot and Heavy.

It's attractive dudes who are really into fat chicks, like 600-pound chicks. And they're attractive dudes, and they bring them around the family, and all the friends are like, what the hell, dude? He's like, this is my vibe. I love fat chicks. All women, I think, have beauty in them, no matter what shape or size. That's not true, though, is it? What are you running for office? We've never

seen you with a not attractive chick. Get a fat chick, dude. Never. You so much better than us, get a fat chick. I have dated all types of women. I have never seen you where? Pictures? There you are right there with the bigger guy. Oh, that's me and the dude with giantism? Yeah, he's lost a lot of weight he said since then, but there it is. Oh, wow.

He looks like a big dude. No, he's lost a lot of weight, he said, since then, but there it is. Oh, wow. Oh, yeah, he looks like a big dude. You're all about the same size. No, that's a big dude. That's why he's bigger than French. I know you're trying to get back at me for the hot and heavy joke, but he's bigger than me. But not significantly bigger than you. I mean, dude, come on. Maybe you lost weight now.

Dude, is our party over? So I'm in Chicago, end of the the month Schaumburg Improv Chicago get your goddamn tickets I got such a fire outfit for Chicago that is what Chris

I bet you'd appreciate it dude I do appreciate it but the fact that you're no weeks in advance oh no because you're gonna hold on let me save it

because you're gonna wear a Chicago based outfit okay fair enough I'll tell you this one you know why i'm not married because i got three bitches dog that's why oh us oh gang bro sister watch the show they all know

about sister why no it's us it's us it's us eric it's y'all he's calling us bitches dude all right he called us bitches no he won't believe it he won't understand he won't take it in and i appreciate eric's 50 he's got women eric's got got time for your and eric's looking a lot healthier this year the guy's 50 years old what are you gonna do with the next 50 eric uh you think he will die he's gonna die during it you are dude stuff he's gonna be having a kid i'm gonna have a kid probably he's gonna get in better shape yeah calvin needs a homie i know right and he needs some diversity in that house yeah thank you They too white I don't even go over there they so white

You've got the picket fence on three levels of pick Boston Tiger Calvin What's your kids name? Yeah fucking picked out board ever. Do you want a boy or girl? Do we know? Get a real African in a tribal name. No. Who would you think that? Okay. What? Is that rude? When do I get to fire Nick? Yeah, yeah. Go ahead.

We've all done it. Go ahead. Feels good. You're fired. Yeah. Trump style. I want him out of here. Trump style.

Yeah. Okay. I'm going to be, since it's the 17th, I'm going to be at the Grand Comedy Club in San Diego tomorrow. And watch Riffin' with Griffin, too, by the way. I never said that enough. Riffin' with Griffin. No, seriously, what are you doing in the next 50 years? Do you have any plans?

Yeah, I'm going to keep doing this, man. I'm going to keep doing comedy. I want to get on a sitcom. It goes seven years. You want to get on a sitcom? I love acting and stuff. Yeah. If you got on a sitcom for seven years, that's great. You'd be set.

That's great. But no, it might not be great. What if something happens to him when he's on it? What if something bad happens? Like what? Getting hit by a car? That would also suck if you had a podcast too. Yeah.

Either way, that sucks. If you get cancer, even if you don't have a sitcom, it sucks. Yeah. I'll tell you what doesn't suck is our new Patreon. It doesn't. Patreon.com. Cats. Cats.

P-L-U-S. Come get some. Two episodes a month on there. It doesn't. Patreon.com. Cats. P-L-U-S. Come get some. Two episodes a month on there. That's right. Two episodes a month. Theo's having so much trouble opening that up or whatever. Theo is, yeah. Yeah, that's open the ring pop way better than that.

So I'll be in Irvine April 7th, 8th, and 9th. Adding shows there. And then Phoenix, come see the wing. April 30th 2022 april 30th i'll be in phoenix at the celebrity theater go to my website chrisalia.com to get tickets uh and this comes out thursday so the pre-sale code is don't push me lowercase all right love you guys we're out it's the king and the sting back up in this thing i just got a call that said they want to All right. Love you guys. We're out. I just probably have to slow it down and hit it like this It's the king, the wing, and the sting It's the wing, and the king, and the sting Hold on, wait a minute, let me think It's the king, and the sting, and the wing

Let's go King, and the sting, and the wing Got it full circle, I put on the whole team Legendary trio, Britney, Chris, and Theo, what you mean? You know it's the king and the sting and the wing.