The Golden Hour - Episode 170: Tonto Von

Episode Date: April 22, 2022

The guys talk Theo's jacket, past lives,Theo potentially being a daddy, adopting Russians, keeping your dead relatives ashes, all new KATS Confessions, tattoos without meaning, pet wieners and much more!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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your forever peace. Go to bluenow.com today. Gang gang, buzz buzz, Crystalia, I f***ing love you, but sore? Yeah. Ugh, change. No. Wow. Jesus.

You ever met this guy? Sore? Yeah. Ugh, change it. No, that's not it. Wow. She's good. You ever met this guy? Oh, I'm the dumb one. You can't argue. There's something about me. You have no idea what you're saying. Gang, gang. Buzz, buzz.

Sore. Yeah, so I don't know. Somebody gave me this coat the other night and put a note in it after a show. What is this? Oh, well, why didn't you admit that when we were talking about where you got the coat? We walked in with that and we asked where you got that coat and you said you forget. I'm really curious about that. So is it a suicide letter? So hold on.

This is the start of the episode, obviously. But what I want to know is you came in with that jacket and then I said. I came in with this jacket. Yeah, and I said, cool jacket. When did, where, where did you get it? And you kind of were vague about it. And then I said, well, how long have you, you said, I don't really know. I said, well, how long have you had it? And you said eight days. And I said, you forgot where you got it. And you got it eight days ago. Who did? I did. You. Yes,

exactly. Yes. And then everything kind of, you know, went away. We stopped talking about it. And then everything kind of went away. We stopped talking about it. And now you're saying, this guy gave me this jacket and there's a note in it. And it was eight days ago. So I guess my question to you is, why didn't you tell me that when I was originally asking about the jacket? Because it's very weird. No hate, no nothing.

Just why did you do that? Yeah. Well, Your Honor, I was, I think I was nervous when I came in. I didn't know if, I didn't know exactly if you were, what your motives were. And it was also a woman that gave me the jacket. I will say that, sir. Okay, so now the story's changing. Is that the letter? Can you read it?

Because I thought you stole it from Kid Rock. It smells like gum. It smells like gum and something. It's a very cool jacket. Thank you. And that's why we're asking about it. And I think that's why it kind of alerted you. Your collar, bro.

Your collar, yeah. Here you go. That's pretty good. Yeah, thanks. Hold on. I didn't fix it. Hey, you know what? You're 12.

You're a six-year-old. You're 12. This is hilarious. Wow. There we go. All right, so. Way better. Just put me in that seat.

I'll be in the back seat. This is the note that came with it go. All right. Way better. Just put me in that seat. I'll be in the back seat. This is the note that came with it. Yeah, if it's okay to read. Please read it. If it's okay to read. Was it attractive later before you read this? I'll tell you right now. No.

Yes. See, she was hot. It wasn't. Yeah, she cut past you. I don't believe that for a second. Not this much effort. I believe we could find deep beauty here is one of the lines. Very sweet.

Also, is it rude of me to read it? We don't know who it is. We don't have her I believe we could find deep beauty here is one of the lines. Very sweet. Also, is it me to be rude? No. We don't know who it is. Give it to me. Start from the top. Don't give it to Eric. 100%.

He's going to cum on it. Yeah. What? The world as we know it is ending. I want to spend it with you. So now, this is the thing

you got to worry about. Her friends know and then her friends see this and then her friends make fun of her with this shit. Well, I don't think so. It's very private. I'm sorry I said that.

The world is ending. We should be together. Brendan, you do not know if the world's going to end or not, bro. No, but I'm saying, but that one. Don't be that guy. She does. The real question is if the world's going to end, and you want to spend it with this guy. The girl who gave you the jacket.

Yeah. The girl who gave you the jacket. Yeah. Smart choice. Look, the lady obviously is a talented lady and a cool lady. Why is she obviously talented? Well, she wrote that cool note. Oh, okay.

You can't read any more of the note? I'm very interested. I'm going to go ahead and say, I don't want to hear it. That sounds crazy. It's two-page handwritten. And I don't want to listen to it. Can I read it? You want me to take it?

Can I read it? No, you can't. Come on. And it's not that you can't, but you can. Let me see it. Let's read this. Let's read this. That's how he tricks you., but you can't. Let me see it. Let's read this. Let's read this. That's how he tricks you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give me page two. Making it up because can't read. Theo, I didn't have, weird word, time to write this. I didn't have time. Time was the word. It looks like mud. Okay.

We'll say time. I didn't have time. No, she says time twice. I didn't have time no she says time twice i didn't have time to write this but here's what i got the parallel is between our past life events so there we know already so right now she's crazy right right there hit crazy immediately you think that past lives anyone talk about past lives is is crazy and i'll tell you this it gets weirder why i know it gets weirder but this is why because you she it gets weirder, but this is why. Because she has to understand

she's just meeting you. You can't be like, hi, how you doing? I'm Lisa. So past lives, you know you're going to come off crazy. So if you don't know you're going to come off crazy,

then you're crazy. You have to get that, so how do you get from, hey, I'm nice to meet you to past lives? How do you get to there? Probably like months and months of hanging out.

You want me to keep going? I don't know if that, you know. Two weeks? you guys are 20 flames conversation And you you know it comes up. How long does it take love at first sight be like 20 minutes? You just talking all of a sudden. Oh past lives. Oh, you know what I'm at the past lives You know I don't know can I continue? Covered in period do you mind do you mind can I continue? Oh, yeah, I'm just gonna hurt her feelings? No, not at all. B, our current lifestyle are too bizarre for me to ignore.

The internal state you speak of is both similar and completely to mine. When you describe who you want, it sounds eerily and awfully a lot like me. I believe we could find deep beauty here. I feel we could help each other and many more. Thank you. Drink this Kool-Aid. No. No.

Be anything but earnest. The world as we know it is ending. I want to spend it with you. Number? IG? Very sweet, I think. No, it is sweet. So when you end up dead in a month.

I don't think she's crazy. I think she wants to wear your face as a mask. He can die by her hands, so that's fine. But we know it's going to happen. You think if I went out with that girl, I could potentially die? You could. You could potentially die. But I will tell you this.

But I will tell you this. Or she'll end up pregnant. I think that's more in line of what is about to happen. Who's most likely in this room to knock up someone that is absolutely bonkers? That is a good question. Nick. And this girl sounds like a beautiful girl to me. Nick.

Nick will meet some chick at a sports book. Yeah. You know what I mean? They both have gambling problems. Yeah, OTB. Some girl that loves OTB so much, she brings a saddle in from her car and puts it on the stool.

What's OTB? Am I dumb? It's just a place people go to have fun in poor communities. It's called off-track betting. Him and his girl are trying to decide formula or fucking bet on the game. Yeah, that baby loves Kansas.ansas man who would knock up somebody crazy

would you i don't know i can't believe you haven't to be honest if and here's the thing if i haven't at this point i haven't who in here may have knocked up someone that's absolutely crazy out on the road and is hiding it and we have no idea. You. Definitely not me. You. Native American girl in South Dakota. Oh, I had almost – What happened? I had a semi run in with this girl. Nice girl. Pretty nice.

Have you talked about this before? Uh-uh. Not in years. Not for a while. She wanted to have the baby. We ended up making love, and she wanted to have the baby. She got pregnant. She didn't.

But she said she felt pregnant. And when somebody's Native American, they feel pregnant. Native American, if they felt that baby. She got pregnant. She didn't. But she said she felt pregnant. And when somebody's Native American, they feel pregnant. Native American, if they felt it, then they're probably pregnant. She did a rain dance and fucking. Oh my God. No, he's right here.

No. Yeah, dude. She was like, four score and. She's like, I feel pregnant. She went home and her grandfather was like, something's different. She's like, I feel pregnant. She went home and her grandfather was like, something is different. She's like, what, Papa? They told us.

You have life within you. Around a campfire. You met the Rat King, didn't you? The Rat King has put his seed inside. I smell cheese. I saw an owl. What we know, though, is that you met a very nice Indian girl. Beautiful young lady.

And you didn't use a condom. Never. Or did you? Never. I don't know if I did or not. I'll answer that. No, you didn't. If you don't know you did or not.

You know you did. I would bet that I may not have. Right. Okay. And why? Just feeling it. Nick, you going to take those odds? Just feeling it?

I don't know. I think it was the time feeling it. Nick, you going to take those odds? Just feeling it? I don't know. I think it was the time of year. Meatball's your son. It could have been the time of year or something. I was just feeling kind of fancy free. But I remember she said, I'm having this child. It was the first thing she said after she left this Fairfield Inn. Your heart went.

Oh, I was downstairs downstairs and they were doing construction i remember at this fairfield in suites and i'm like oh i can't even couldn't even get like a meal i was just felt so just alone and then also the reservation to get where she lived you had to do a layover and i was like oh yeah yeah you'll never see myself yeah yeah yeah so okay so she said i I feel like. He won't do a connection flight for his kid. But he'll go to Phoenix for a spa. Wait, this motherfucker won't do.

You're deadbeat dead, bro. So because it's difficult to get there, you're like, I ain't never going to see my kid because I can't get on a little plane. Look, let's just say I'll get a tattoo that says Zoom Daddy on my arm. Name of the episode. Zoom Daddy. So you were going to. We of the episode. Zoom daddy. So you were going to. We're steamy. Is he fucking here?

So you were going to, you were going to have, she was going to have it, but she didn't. She was going to have it. No, she just felt it immediately. As soon as you, did you, by the way, did you go inside? Did I ejaculate? Can I answer that? Oh, no, sir. Oh, yeah, you did.

No, I didn't. I've never did no I didn't I've never done that okay so you never done that I'm never do it I pulled out so you pulled out ever done that I believe you so you thought maybe you got some she thought maybe you got some pre you leaked in her I just I don't know there was a lot of nerves there's always a lot there was a lot of nervous situation oh no but here's the thing though now did her attitude change immediately because it feels like she wanted to get pregnant yeah oh she was sending me like bit emojis of like fucking cash and like a little kettle and

shit like that like she was fucking i think thinking about it's a new dream changing her game yeah so right after she was like and i'm pregnant she texted me in the car on the way afterwards yeah okay she texted you the car and said what i feel like i'm pregnant and what did you say lol no i said oh god but but but theo this was an hour after you fucking humped yeah man yeah when you know you know it was yeah it was probably 50 minutes when you know you know and then what please and then she said and she had like a long drive home it was like seven hours because reservations they're out i mean they're yeah they put them unfortunately in some pretty they put them wherever yeah and so she is like cruising back there and then she said yeah she said uh you know i won't know obviously for a little while but and then we kind of got and i think i called her or whatever and we just

got into a discussion i said well if you, if you were pregnant, would you have a child? You know, and what would you feel like about that? And she said, I would have a child. And what's crazy is your son's zooming in. Tonto Vaughn, come on in. Tonto Vaughn. Tonto Vaughn. He's like, Dad? He looks just like me.

Dad? But with a mullet. Face paint. That could be the episode title. That's pretty good. But yeah, it was just shockingullet. Face paint. That could be the episode title. That's pretty good. But yeah, it was just shocking, man. You never had an experience like that? No.

No, I had a girl lie about she was pregnant and then her sister told me like, don't worry, she's lying to you. And I was like, well, how do you know? And she said, because she is getting married and I had no idea. And I was like, what? Yeah, I mean, this was fuck 15 years ago.

Yeah. I mean, mean fuck that's a fucked up joke to play on somebody or you know i don't know what you want bad person yeah yeah yeah it was alarming i and pardon me i'd love to have a child that's native american or no native american yeah either or but it was just a shocking you know i just didn't know sometimes i wish that we'd had that you you know, I had a child. So. Well, you don't have to wish that hard.

You could just have one, you know? Yeah. Well, we gotta find the right girl. We gotta find the right lady. Or we just adopt a kid and have it just be the dad and the kid. That'd be cool. But the adoption is. Pursuit of happiness. I would maybe foster a child.

Cause that's like, you get to kind of test drive it a little. Get picked. But I think if you'd adopt, some people adopting out of Russia and stuff, it gets real. Russian? It gets risque. I've heard a lot of. Russians, yeah.

A lot of buyer's remorse. So you'd. Because they're cold hearted. Adopt a Russian? I don't, I would not. And I hate to, I know some people are Russian, but I don't want to be their dad.

And by Russian, adopting Russian, he means like a full growngrown 19-year-old. Hello, dad. How are you? Hello, dad. Where do I put my car keys? And straight up like, whoa, buyer's remorse.

Hey, man, get out of here, bro. Hey, hey, hey. Where's the receipt, huh? I have my bags. If you like to return me, you have 30 days. You must take it up with the Russian government. But it's nice to meet you, Dad. He just wants to wrestle all the time and shit.

That's Vlad Von. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dimitri Von. Dimitri Von. Let's take another little break from the show, and we will get right back to it because you're pushing your body hard, man. Whether you're doing a thick mutter, you're busting your ass in the gym on deadlifts, you're hitting that cardio,

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Experience better hydration. Just be smarter about it. Liquidiv.com, promo code K-A-Tt-s now let's get back to the shenanigans the nba playoff is here kids the Celtics up 2-0 my nets my nets i'm not from brooklyn but i'm a fan of kevin durant i think they're gonna win game three but listen you're watching the game with your boys you gotta make bank bro you can do thatKings Sportsbook, an official sports betting partner of the NBA. This week, new customers can bet $5 on any team to win and get $150 in free bets instantly. You win no matter what. All DraftKings Sportsbook customers can also bet on NBA hoops with the same game parlays. Your boy's a fan of parlays.

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and get $150 in free bets instantly. That's promo code KATS at DraftKings Sportsbook. An official sports betting partner of the NBA. Minimum age and eligibility restrictions apply. See show notes for details. DraftKings Sportsbook. All right, let's get into this, man. But I'm sure, Eric, you've had a scare, I'm sure, over the years.

Oh, really? So many years. Yeah. I've had a couple scares. Have you? Yeah, people like lies. It's a lie situation. Lies, years. So many years. Yeah. I've had a couple of scares. Have you? Yeah, people like, it's a lie. Lies, yeah. It's the kind of thing,

it's weird how it happens like immediately after where it's just kind of like this, you know, like you realize, oh, you trying to have a baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. You gotta be careful. You can't trust any like, hey, I'm on the pill or, you know. I can't believe you went wrong. Yeah. You got to be careful. You can't trust any, any, any like, Hey,

I'm on the pill. I can't believe you went wrong. Yeah. Going wrong. That's. Condoms for pussies. Your black side came out. Your black side came out.

This is how we do it. Yeah, but it'd be feeling good. This is how we do it. I don't know. It's an intimacy thing too. You're just like, I need to fill you up.

And you don't get to meet a lot of native americans they're willing to make love to you and so to not to go back to your roots especially with a white devil yeah you met the rat king but of all the somebody drove seven out you like you were in a town doing stand-up yeah and then did she come to the show? She stayed over. Yeah. She came. I don't even know if she stayed over. Didn't stay the night. So she drove back

seven hours at night through the night? That's super Indian. That's where my boy does it. Oh, her native name was like Open Eyes or something. Wow.

She was definitely. Did she come to the show on a horse and left seven hours on a horse through the night? I think I'm pregnant. This writing isn't good for our child. Wait, I have a question.

Why isn't she on speaker? Like, why didn't she have like a phone? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She has a little one of those on the back of the horse's head. Like an Uber driver? Yeah. Y'all are sick, man. You know, she can't really.

No, dude. There's another Native American driving it, and she's in the back right. That's a hoober. Look, I'd love to be Native American. I'd love to have a Native American. Yeah, well. We can make that happen. Yeah.

Native Americans are great. Beautiful people. I think if you had to choose, you'd stay. You'd go white? You'd stay white. I don't know, man. I'm 1 8th Pontiac, dude. And I think I'd go full.

Huh? No. Tribe, brother. Google Pontiac Tribe, brother. Chin, do something. I'm 1 8th. 1 8th. 1 8th Intrepid.

You're not 1 8th of the place that you got conceived. You know what I mean?-8. 1-8. Intrepid. You're not 1-8th of the place that you got conceived. You know what I mean? In the back of the car. Just because mom and dad were in the back of a Pontiac. I'm 1-8 Chevelle. Yeah, I'm 1-6 Dodge Neon. Shit. I'm 1-8 Uber.

You're Dodge Neon? Pontiac right there. Cool. On the Maumee River in Ohio. That's you, right? That's your dad right there on the right. He could be. Looks pretty white.

Open eyes Vaughn. Brendan has a locket of him too, which is insane. It's on the backside of his... Dude, I wish the... Do you think if the whites would have fought hand-to-hand combat with the Native Americans, they would have beat them or no? Hand-to-hand? And not use weapon.

No way. Yeah. Probably not, no. No way. We outnumber. Yeah, but if you had to do same numbers. But that's just silly. A lot of ifs.

And I'm grateful for this coat and the lady that gave it to me. No, yeah. The coat's awesome. Hopefully she's still alive. If she doesn't kill you, it's worth it. If she kills you, it wasn't worth it. And you didn't wash it or anything? You just put it straight on?

No. From mail room? What city did she give that is that farm to table this is yeah it's a gray hair it is great this is far from the table baby that's her dad's jacket she jacked and that thing gave it to you dang pubic too yeah i think it was a long ball it's a cool jacket i'll tell you this much if she doesn't kill you it's worth everything i don't know if it's worth it what's this guy want nick oh there's my son look at that kid looks like calvin a little bit a little bit all my kids look like what's up brendan theo chris got a question for you guys he doesn't give a about thinking of starting this little dude and wrestling yeah Yeah. And gymnastics. So that's the question for today.

Kids, gymnastics. This kid. King in her stick. He's faded. Gang, gang. This kid don't have energy. He probably listens to Juice WRLD. He might be perked up.

He's cute. Yeah, he's super cute. My son wouldn't sit like that for one second. He'd be punching and running. Well, they're not showing the video before this where the dad was like, don't move! Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like the saddest take.

Finally just wore him down. I think it's great to get... He looks too young for any of that. I think it's great to get... Oh, he does look a little bit like you. There's Calvin. Look how excited he gets. They do look similar.

Oh, he's so cute, dude. He looks like your wife, man. Don't say that, man. He looks like me, man. That's what I do. I don't know he has blonde hair like your wife. He doesn't really look like you. No, he looks like me, man.

Really? Yeah, the eyebrows. Look at those. Yeah, right here he looks like you. Parts of them look like Chris. He could be Lakota. Thank God he doesn't have your nose. Jesus Christ.

Well, yeah. Mine was probably small back then too, dude. I don't know. He had a beard. You think I had the same size nose? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That kid? I'll tell you this, yeah. Mine was probably small back then, too, dude. I don't know. You had a B. You think I had the same size nose? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That kid? I'll tell you this, man.

They thought you were one of those breech babies, but it was your nose. What's this guy asking? If this is his son or not? Is it a boy or a girl? I don't know yet. I hope it's a boy. I hope it's a boy. You can't really start kids in jiu-jitsu until they're four.

Gymnastics, he said. He said jiu-jitsu and gymnastics. He said both, yeah. He said wrestling. We had a jiu-jitsu hat on, but you can't start them under four. So you got some time. A kid might be two. Too young.

Well, like I'll wrestle, like I'll just, because one thing about, I remember like I was always like wincing at shit when I was a kid, like because my dad was never like, he wouldn't like throw me around and shit. Just throw money at your face? and so and so when i was like hey playing this bowl of quarters chris and dad was like doing like this this is all make it rain a little bitch make it rain bitch chris just has paper cuts all over his face i am doing good. So, so,

what was I saying? Sorry. So, so when I got into jujitsu, like when I was 19, that was when I realized, oh, it's fun to like fucking wrestle with dudes and shit.

But I hated it before that. So I want to make sure that my son is like cool with that. You and your brother never like fought as kids? Not really, man. Dude, he would smoke his brother though.

Yeah, I would be. Well, now especially. But my, I want to like wrestle my son, but he hates it, right? He's like. He doesn't like you right now? Not yet. No, but he's too.

Bring him over to the house. Let Boston get his hands on him. So what does Boston do? Let that fump. Boston works at the fucking strip club. I'll walk to the house right now. Yeah, Boston's security at Spearmint Rhino. Dude, I'll walk in the house, and he'll just get down and want to wrestle.

He wrestles nonstop. Oh, you're going to be in the principal's office a lot. Oh, yeah. And when you realize nobody wants to wrestle, he starts twerking. I do notice that. Dude, I'm trying to—so my son excels in wrestling. He's in jiu-jitsu, but he just takes everybody down. Dude, I'm trying to – so my son excels in wrestling. He's in jiu-jitsu, but he just takes everybody down.

So I'm like, oh, would you want to do like a kid's wrestling program? He's like, yeah, I'd love that. So I'm looking for one in Calabasas. If there's a good wrestling program, kid's program in Calabasas, holler at your boy. And you do this in – he's two what? He's – Tiger's six, but he does it – Oh, you're talking about Tiger.

Tiger does it twice a week. Boston will start when he's four. Yeah, okay. So that's what I'm talking about, Boston, because he's two. He's the're talking about Tiger. Tiger does it twice a week. Boston will start when he's four. Yeah, okay. So that's what I'm talking about, Boston. Because he's two. He's the same age as Calvin. But he'll wrestle right now. Bring Calvin over.

We're going to Boston. We'll wrestle him right now, Doug. Yeah. But what happens, like you guys are watching your kids. Yeah. And then one of them starts like just fucking the other one up. Oh, well, I'll stop. Like what are you guys?

I would stop. If my son was doing that to somebody, I would stop. I yell, finish him! That's what I'm saying. Do you guys have, like, a little moment where you look at each other like, hey, dude, kind of get your kid?

People, you know, everyone parents differently, but I see people's kids at the playground and I'm just like, stop your fucking kid doing that shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The kid's just like, and grabs something. It's like, hey, yeah, yeah. The kid's just like, grab something. It's like, hey, Calvin, we don't do that.

You know what I mean? Do that. Yeah, the parents that just don't regulate their kid, especially if they're bad kids. Boston was playing in the sand, and this little kid came up and sat down. I'm like, oh, that's cute. He's throwing sand in his face. In Boston's face?

Yeah, I look at the kid. I'm like, dude, are you going to do something? Oh, they're just kids. I'm like, okay, tiger. And then T comes over. He's throwing sand in your brother his face. In Boston's face? Yeah, I look at the camera, I'm like, dude, you gonna do something? Oh, they're just kidding. I'm like, okay, Tiger. And then T comes over, he's throwing sand in your brother's face. You don't stand for it. Turn that kid into the mummy. Tiger's

like Guru, or Guru. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The shah's gonna be the little bully kids right there, man. Or Doyle rules. When that happens to Calvin, I got to call up Tiger. Yeah. Wow.

What up, Cats? All right, yeah, let's do it. What's that comic? Is that Taylor Thompson? This is Annie Taylor Letterman Thompson. This is Ashley from Missouri, and I'm coming at you with a King of the Sing It. Keeping your dead relative's ashes in this bag right here. I put them in my sandwiches.

Is my mom. Aww. She died in August. And she's just been living in my closet ever since. I don't know what to do with her. Because she's my mom, you know? Do I throw her ashes in a river? Do I keep them in a closet?

Do I buy a fancy urn? I don't know, you know? It's all I got left of her. What do I do? Do I just become fancy arm? I don't know. It's all I got left of her. What do I do? Do I just become a human hoarder? Or, you know, chuck her? Well, my question is. Keep it them.

Thanks, guys. Love all three of you so much. Thanks for everything you do. First of all, there's four of us. Anyway, my question is, did she have to pay extra for that bag? You know what I mean? You go to the store and they're like, would you like a bag? And then they charge.

Or is that her? Did she bring her? Oh, no, it says funeral home. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. A lot of times I know they'll give you the bags at the funeral home. They don't give them to you at Whole Foods. That's what I'm saying. At Whole Foods.

If it's an organic funeral home. I like when you have 70 fucking items. Do you need a bag? Nah, bitch. I'll just fucking. Nah, that's why I brought my cargo pants. Nah, I'm just going to fucking hoard it like this. It's cheaper to get somebody grilled than to get Whole Foods.

I mean, I think, look, you got to do something nice with them. I think you put them out in a beautiful dish or you put them out in a um beautiful um vase and put them somewhere well i don't understand this place you mean to tell me that your parent whoever dies they put them in a little to-go box and a little that is kind of weird and then they just give it to you like that what was that not working knife dude is this a wharton thing she got? Yeah, it comes with a little salt and pepper thing. You're like, what? I feel like that funeral home could do better. Yeah.

Maybe you have to spring for the vase, though. I don't know. I think she got the cheat plan. I think that, first of all, let me just say, it's not all that you have left of her. What you have left of her are the memories and that's a beautiful thing right yeah so you do have something regardless of what happens with these ashes um but if you want to do something nice do something nice if you know my whole thing is like to keep them and put them on in a vase that's cool you know if you want to put on the mantle but then

it's like you're always thinking about it yeah it's always in your face yeah it's always your face so whatever your mom liked to do whether it it was fucking, if she liked to go to the beach or down the ocean. Put them in the kitchen. Go to Costco, right outside of Costco. Sprinkle them into the fireworks and fucking light that bitch up. Put them at the mall. A lot of moms like to go to the mall.

You could take them over to the mall, take them over to Aunt Annie's or take them over to a- You know that fountain in the mall? You know what I mean? Where the kids toss coins in? Yeah. That'd be cool. That's like the ghetto water park for some kids. It'd be so dope if every time you went to the mall? You know what I mean? Where the kids toss coins in? Yeah, that'd be cool. That's like the ghetto water park for some kids. It'd be so dope if every time you went to the mall, you knew your mom was in there hanging out.

That's what I'm saying. It's pretty cool. It's really cool. Or take them to a park or something like that. Throw them in Boston's eyes. Yeah. Could do that if you want to get beat up by a tiger. Throw them in or put them in a park or something.

Put them in a Cinnabon icing. Everybody shares your mom. I just don't like that idea because what if you go to put it in a park and then they fucking excavate the park like three years later and you're like, that's an extra heartache. And it's a capital one or something. It's symbolic anyway. Put it in the ocean. I know it is, but-

Toss it in the ocean. Toss it in the ocean. Ocean is good. Scary, but- But don't ever, if I die, you ash me, don't ever put me in the ocean. No, me neither. Don't ash me though. No, me neither. Do not. Throw me. Wherever I my ocean is good. Scary. But don't ever, if I die, you ash me, don't ever put me in an ocean. No, me neither. Don't ash me though. No, me neither.

Throw me. Wherever I die, throw me. Leave me there. Throw me in Topanga Canyon, Doug. Nah, don't make it pretty. Throw me right in between like a driveway

and a fucking trash can. And have someone kill me, please. I want to be a Dateline episode. I want to at least create one in an hour. And it starts with that jacket. You know that. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Theo Vaughn got a NASCAR jacket and a note inside. at one it starts with that jacket you know that yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and a note inside but what about that jacket yeah yeah yeah yeah sure sure the jacket was nice but you know what is a nice murder uh should we see what this guy has to say? It was August. Nice time for a jacket. It was a little hot, sure. But that wasn't the only weird thing about this story.

This is like Santino letting himself go. Chris and Theo, send them some free merch, Vaughn. Get a king it or sting it. Free fellas today. I mean, where the fuck is he going? He's in Chichen Itza, dog. What? Snorkeling in an underground spring.

No, that looks fucking awesome. You guys do it? No. Stings 40 plus feet underground to the top of the water. And then it goes down another 60 feet until you get to the top of the water. And it goes down another 60 feet until you get to the base of

the springs. Did they shoot the Avengers there? That's awesome. Where is he? Mexico? What do you guys think? Huh? That's crazy that there's that staircase naturally there. It could be Kentucky. Gang gang. Buzz buzz. Soar. Jump in that way.

Oh, I'm sure they do. Wow. That's where, I wonder where that is. We would do that. I'd do that. I think it might be Mexico. They're called cenotes. Yeah, usually that's in Mexico.

I would do that unless we don't know what kind of fish are there. If you knew all the fish, I'd do it. Yeah. Because I'm not going in. You don't want anything dangerous? What do you mean? Like if you knew each one, like there's Rebecca. Not personally. I'm not going in. You don't want anything dangerous? What do you mean? Like, if you knew each one, like, there's Rebecca. Not personally.

I'm just saying the style of fish, the species. I'm not going in where they're like, oh, okay. But we don't know, though. It could be a hammerhead. Like turpin or snake or whatever. Yeah, exactly. Electric eel. I was in the Cook Islands off of New Zealand.

Oh, damn. Rich, huh? And then they- This rich motherfucker. They're telling you, like, hey, well, you can go swimming, but there's this certain fish to look out for. I'm out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean?

Oh, yeah, I'll be able to tell what that one is. Anytime you feel anything. Something just rubs up against you. You're like, this is it. You know what I mean? Damn, what were you doing out there? Oh, the second, dude. If I'm even swimming and I touch one of my feet with my other feet out there, I'm out.

I'm out of the water. I hate that shit. I'm out of the water. Also, you feel that fucking slap, like the slap of it, like the meaty slap. Fuck all that. Even with some seaweed, anything like that. Anything, yeah. Even water scares me, man.

It's so scary, bro. When you get out in the ocean, that shit is scary. It's so scary, bro. Yeah. Because it's another universe, dude. Imagine if a fish was just cruising through the air right here for no reason. Yeah, I know. Somebody would hit it with a bat or a fucking rake or a sword.

Yeah. They don't know all the fish in the water. No, we know more about space than we do the ocean. Yeah, dude. Bye-bye. Bye-bye, water. I'll go knee-deep at best. Dude. Oh, you don't know all the fish?

Think about if they led with that. Yeah. You want to go in the ocean and you're an alien. What is that? Oh, yeah. It's in there. What's in there? We don't know.

Bye-bye. Back to your planet, dude. There's no way. Back to Russia. Yep. Yes. It's my damn son. What are you eating, Brendan?

Give me one one you want some little dad oh i don't want none of that what is it daddy what is it just one hit them lip headers i don't want that your lips built for me yeah but it makes my it makes my fucking body hurt your your lips built for it that's true what is it what is it called rogue rogue your lip is built for it yeah that's a good slogan. It is. Your lips are built for rogue. Yeah. Fucking rogue.

You're not doing anything with your fucking mouth. Yeah. Put this in it, pussy. Yeah. You're just standing there not talking, just mouth all limp. Yeah. Your lip's built for rogue. With an explosion.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, your veins are happy and peaceful right now? Why don't you fill them with these fucking chemicals? Just want to let you guys know that May 7th, we've added a show over there in Los Angeles. You can come check that out. Thank you. May 18th, I'll be in Albuquerque. 19th, Midland, Texas.

May 20 in Lubbock, Texas. May 21, Dallas. We've added a second show there. June 2 in Savannah, GA. June 3 in Augusta, GA. June 4, Montgomery, Alabama. And June 5, Columbus, GA. As well, some new dates going up right now. June 23rd, Hollywood, Florida. June 24th, Fort Myers, Florida. June 25th, Daytona Beach, Florida. And June 26th, Lakeland, Florida. And those Florida dates are all available.

All dates are available at theovon.com slash tour. And the Florida dates, those go on sale 10 a.m. local. And they may need the code RATKING. I'm not sure when you're hearing this, but if there's a promo code or an access code, it's RATKING. And I'm looking forward to seeing you guys. Baby gang gang. All right, let's take a little break from chatting with these freaks.

All right, because the NBA playoff is here, kids. The Celtics up 2-. My nets, my nets. I'm not, I'm from Brooklyn, but I'm a fan of Kevin Durant. I think they're going to win game three, but listen, you're watching the game with your boys. You got to make bank, bro. You can do that with DraftKings Sportsbook, an official sports betting partner of the NBA. This week, new customers can bet $5 on any team to win and get $150 in free bets instantly. You win no matter what. All DraftKings Sportsbook customers can also bet on NBA hoops with the same game parlays.

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Bet $5 on any NBA team to win their game during the first round of playoffs and get $150 in free bets instantly. That's promo code K-A-T-S at DraftKings Sportsbook. An official sports betting partner of the NBA minimum age and eligibility restrictions apply see show notes for details DraftKings Sportsbook all right fellas or ladies you're out there looking for the perfect gift for that special moment whatever it is it's a birthday and an anniversary it's an engagement ring of her or his dreams right it's 2022 let's be cool man you gotta give them timeless jewelry you just have to but you need it at a good price that's why

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and find your forever peace. Go to bluenow.com today. Yeah. This guy's got an appropriate king in his head. Rogue for straights or gays. Yeah. For straights and gays, boy. Or whatever your pronouns are.

There's a lot of violent gays out there, too, man. Dude, I got my hair cut by the most violent gay dude, man. Makes sense. Is that what happened? He's so angry. He fucked it all up. You didn't say shit though. You're scared, huh?

No, I honestly felt bad for him. Something was wrong with him, man. He was mentally unwell, a fellow named Michael. Was it in an alleyway or you got... Yeah. Yeah. Where was this? We got a legit salon or someplace.

How is a mentally unwell person working at a legit place? Might as well have a bad day. Yeah, something was wrong with him, though, but he didn't like straights.

Look, that was Theo getting his hair cut. Five days. This dude, yeah, he was some little freaking coke penguin and he didn't like straights.

All right. What was that fucking Shawshank the Musical? Shawshank Redemption. It was just a bit shitty picture from it. Oh, look at him fucking. What do they call them? The Lady Boys? Shawshank Redemption. It was just a bit shitty picture from it. Oh, look at him. Look on this.

Ladyboys? What a great movie. Sisters. Sisters. What's up, guys? Huge fan. Been listening forever. I've done fan art, all three of you guys, and you posted your stories a couple times,

so thank you. That's sick. Thank you. I'm on my way home from work right now in the car, so Nick's probably going to like this one. I hear he likes those car submissions. King and her singinginging for you. Nicotine sticks. Nick sticks.

Jules. The flavored ones, though. My girlfriend does it. She says she's not addicted. She's pissing me the fuck off because she's just always sucking on this thing. Flavored smoke. It smells damn good. I'll give them that.

My sister and her boyfriend, they're doing it all the time. Everyone I work with, sucking on them all day. I tried them. They taste not good. Jesus Christ. Try the right one, Doug. You're already out there, buddy. We don't know what he's talking about. He could be talking about dicks

the way he's talking about it. Everybody's sucking on them. Everybody's sucking on him. Smells good, doesn't taste that good. Are the people in your neighborhood doing it, Eric? In my neighborhood? My whole family's doing it. You mean in Culver City, Marina Del Rey area? Yeah, right.

Okay, yeah. Am I living in Compton all of a sudden? You know how bougie I am? They vaping over there, man. Everybody vaping. My girl was vaping. I hate that shit. People vape around me dude

it makes my tongue fat i'm telling you well yes it's bad for you brother it's a dirt it is a chemical there's chemicals in it well yeah you can tell because of the way it smells well i don't know if that's why but well i do they're not making it with real like yeah we think they're cramming strawberries in that thing yeah dude yeah for some of them yeah no way it's delicious that's all fake. No, some of them are food-based, I think. Isn't there some

plant-based ones? You have a Skittle one. You're eating fucking tobacco raw. Nicotine, big difference. But I will tell you this, the nicotine,

you know, tobacco business figured out those e-cigarettes, then when they market it with Skittles and Starbursts, all the kids are doing them now. In high school, it's all over.

This big pancake would eat his own cooter if he could. Hell yeah, dog. Yeah, it sucks that they do market these things for fucking children. It's like kid cereal. Look at it. They make it look like, oh, look at this little gum or something. I mean, Calvin would look at that and want it. And a kid can even hit it.

There's videos of kids hitting them. YouTube kids hitting Juul. That's not good. Or Juul hitting kids. I'll tell you what, it is. That's not good. Or Jewel hitting kids. I'll tell you what, it is. That would be different. The singer? The singer.

Who was saying, Sam. Just fucking smacking five-year-olds. Fucking shaking them in front of the door. Down on Orleans Avenue. Yeah, I don't know about it. I just. Yeah, I'm so happy I remembered the Jewel song.

They're going to have... Fuck yeah. It's going to come out. It's going to be like, in 10 years, it's going to be one of those things where it's like, were you smoking a Jewel? And you have a class action lawsuit. That's what's going to happen. Yeah.

But do you think that more people smoke now than before? That's what I want to know. No, not at all. I do think so. Well, there's more people. You consider Jewel smoking? Undeniably. There's tobacco in there. There's nicotine in there just nicotine it's nicotine it's supposed to be way worse for you too okay so who

are you arguing for yeah you just yeah you think you're smoking yeah can you help us be worse too pick a side bro he's never picked a side. What are you saying? Look at this little kid. No. Oh, yeah. Turn it up. 13-year-old child smokes 30 cigarettes a day.

Oh, he's straight smoking cigarettes, though. You guys are fucking legend. Wow, the music. The music. That's young King Dave, baby. That's young Cheddar Bob here, man. Where's his parents? Huh?

They're not around. What do you mean? They're driving. They're going to get him more cigarettes. No huh they're not around what do you mean they're driving you're going to get them no they're dead bro she grows on you well we knew he was from okay well they don't care nobody wants to be addicted oh poor guy nobody wants to be a good guy oh he seems happy yeah now he's gonna die in 10 years breathe his neck in two years. Oh, no, boy. Look at him. He's only a kid. He's like, I wish I never did it. Why do you love it?

Yeah. Did you guys see? Teletubbies. My favorite new Paw Patrol. Oh, my God. My favorite Turtles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love Despicable Me.

Yeah. Dude, first of all, how much have you had to smoke that you are casually laying down smoking? Dude, I smoked for like nine years and I never casually was laying on a bed fucking smoking. Somebody changed my diaper. Yeah, the school lunch today. Look at this kid. It's a Great Gap commercial right there. I bet he takes bets for Joe Joyce and them.

Wow, look at the kid with his blurred out face. Him and his boys are smoking. I bet he's a fucking G, though. I can't believe they have 48 minutes of this. Yeah, I'm good after 15 seconds. Click forward. I want to see him smoke a little more. He's 13.

Oh, he's on a swing smoking. Swing smoking. Come on. Just no cardio. He's already tired. This is cardio in Ireland. Keep it moving forward. He's trying to be a kid, but he's also trying to smoke them cigs.

Let's see him huff a little. I heard his- Oh, and the guy has a great life, honestly. Yeah. And he's kind of crushing it. Good, because he's going to be short. Well, this is what I'm saying. So then if he's on horses and shit, where's his parents?

Oh, he went to camp. He's getting better. See, this is the part. Oh, he went to rehab. Oh, he went to camp. He's getting better. See, this is the part. Oh, you went to rehab. Oh, he went to rehab. Oh, that's good. Man, these people couldn't be anything but British, huh? Look at the mom you saw.

Oh, is he not British? Do you think he's Scottish? Scottish? Yeah, Scottish. Look at her. Wow. Yeah, Scottish people love to fuck up. Oh, she's got Chris's nose.

I like this. God bless Glasgow, too. I think I'm the only person here who's ever done a show in Glasgow, eh? Yeah. Fuck yeah. You guys have done shows in Dublin over there? Nope. I would do it.

Hey, a cervix called and wants both of you, okay? You pussies. Nah, dude. Take it back. Nah, dude. I won't take it back. I like your necklaces. I won't take it back, okay?

Wow. Why am I getting this shrapnel? Yeah, he's a pussy. He didn't even say anything because he didn't do a show in Glasgow. I would go to Glasgow. Yeah, would you? But you haven't.

No, I haven't. They tried to get me to go and- You've gone? And take this dude in his hat, throw this magic hat at you. Have you gone to Glasgow? Nah. You a pussy too?

We're talking about Dublin. We're talking about Dublin. No, I'm talking about Glasgow. Yeah, man. Oh, we got somebody who's ashamed. He just flipped on him again. Again, dude. This guy's fucking, what's his name?

What's that? Who's the Mormon? The fucking flip-flopper, man. The Mormon politician. Elizabeth Smart? No, no, that's way wrong. Who's the Mormon politician? Oh, I know you're talking about

Glenn Close. No, no. Yeah, Romney. Yeah, Romney. Romney. All right, so we got somebody who's the Mormon politician? Oh, I know you're talking about Glenn Close. No, no. Romney. Yeah, Romney. So we got somebody who's ashamed. I saw him at a diner once. Mitt Romney? Yeah. He goes to diners, huh? Wow. He's a Mormon Republican, but then he doesn't really vote Republican.

Flip-flop, that's the thing, yeah. He lives in La Jolla. Whoa, I buy that. He certainly looks like someone who lives in La Jolla. That's hilarious. Yeah, we got some cat's confessions. Some people getting some stuff off their chest. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz, soar. CEO, how do you like my jacket? I got one of them confessions for you.

Back when I was 16, so about nine years ago, I was dating a girl. And I was backing out of her driveway about, say, 1 a.m., and I smashed into her mom's car I mean I rear-ended that thing with my truck but the huge old dent I had an old truck so it didn't really scratch my shit up you know what I did I took off baby everybody was asleep so confessions hit and run on my ex-girlfriend mom Debbie I apologize for rooting your Honda but your daughter just bitch, and she cheated on me. So I don't feel too bad about it.

Don't talk about it often. But hit and run. Gang, gang. That's literal karma. Yeah, C-A-R. Hit and run. You finally hit her sting? You got it.

Hit and run. I say, look. It's like Abedin Costello right here. I love it. C-A-R. C run. I say, look. Abbotty Costello right here. I love it. See ya. See ya, buddy. You smashing the whole family now, dude.

You smashing indoors. You smashing outdoors. I think leave a note, bro, if you'd have gone an extra step and left a note. That'd be gangster and put, fuck y'all. Hey, remember that time? You didn't cheat yet. Oh, but here's what I would have said. Yeah, that's, yeah. Oh, that's a good point. If the girl cheated, I girl cheated i would have said sorry and did by who the guy she cheated

with yeah sorry sorry this is for daniel yeah sorry sorry about your car but this was daniel's fault no whenever she cheats you go back you leave a note and you say remember the accident it was me and you know i wanted to admit it because your daughter fucking cheated on me. Wow. Now that is the move. I think you go over there and videotape that and do a Skype with us. Yep. Do it. By the way, hit and run is always don't, not a good thing.

Let's just say that. It's not King of Sting. He's just getting it off the chest. And of course. I thought he said King of Sting, didn't he? No, no, no. It's a co-signed. It's an old-fashioned move. Yeah.

And I know why, you know, you're saying that too. I mean, you got a to co-sign. It's an old-fashioned move. Yeah. And I know why you're saying that, too. I mean, you got a Ferrari. Oh, man. Imagine you come back to the parking lot, and you just see a side of your car wrecked. Oh, hell no. I mean, that happened with that car. And you know why they left? Because it was like they saw a Ferrari, and they were like, I have insurance, but fuck.

Sorry, and you're out. So someone wrecked on your Ferrari? Yeah, when I first got it. It was parked. It came back, and it was fucked up. Fuck. Wonder who that was. Sorry. So it's on wrecking your Ferrari? Yeah. When I first got it, it was parked. It came back and it was fucked up. Fuck. Wonder who that was. Theo.

Just tell me one thing. Was it you? I'll just tell you this, dude. If I have to take a connecting flight to get to it. I love my son, dude. And I would give him this jacket. If he's alive, he gets this coat. God, imagine Theo's son.

Imagine if he had one. Yeah, but Theo's son living on a reservation this whole time. Oh, my God. Now he's like five. You mean an even worse Theo? Yeah, he's like five, you know. Yeah, he's like freaking young. They're like, dude, just make a decision.

You overthink everything. Just make the fucking Dreamcatcher. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know what's great, too? But what if? I just don't know. But the girl plays his podcast every week. Like, he knows it's his dad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. you know it's great she was like what if but the girl i just don't know he plays his podcast every week like he knows this yeah yeah yeah yeah so he's like being him well i remember i talked about it on my podcast and she heard it and she got upset oh she's not

gonna like this i didn't mention her name or nothing and i you know she knows you said open eyes yeah you said she was an open eyes yeah open eyes is pissed off now yeah yeah this is he's just saying overthinking shit on this past weekend. Smoking a pipe. She's mad at her blackjack job. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not putting things in a fucking deal.

Yeah, he's coming out of a little sweat lodge. I think that'd be cute. What's up, Nick? Hi. So my confession is I recently went back to my hometown after not visiting for a long time due to COVID. And I may have slept with someone and then went out that night. And then I may have slept with someone else. Hell yeah.

And I also may have been close friends. Am I a bad person? Well, it depends. I wouldn't care. I mean, would you guys? I actually played the wrong one too. Oh, okay. That one seems fine.

Let me know what you think about her. So she slept with two friends? Yeah. Yeah, whatever. It's more of the friends. It's like, hey, dude, you know, I hooked up with. If it was just a random thing. I think you can do it if you have to do it?

You guys are Eskimo bros, but people get close get weird as fuck about that shit though, man You know like people get in their feelings about that like guys like what I was just with her It depends if your buddy was like dating And then and then your best friend was around it doesn't help with her that that's frowned upon. But if she's just some random chick. It doesn't sound like that's what it is. It sounds like she went back to her hometown and these are people

that she knows. These are people, humans. And she don't live there normally. Townies they call them. She moved out so she came back. It doesn't sound like she was dating any of them.

She just got some dick. No, but they were obviously in things. The other people were. She thinks, she's worried. It feels like she's worried about coming off

as like slutty. You're only a slut if you think you aren't. You know what I mean? Guys don't give a fuck if girls are like, yeah, I fucked him. Who cares? And I fucked another guy. Who cares? You're not really a slut.

If you're like, no, I'm a good girl. And you're doing this kind of shit. Then that's what a slut is to me, dude. But if you get, if you get horizontal with one dude and then late at night at the bar, you're feeling yourself, you're having some drinks and closing time comes on and you want to get horizontal with another dude do what you want yeah housing time this is the one i meant to play okay hey guys i've been trying to get this off my chest lately uh what an animal the water filter uh? But the water filter on my refrigerator, when it says replace, my fiance pitches about it.

About the water taking my shit, even though we have a double filter hard-lined in the back that I hooked up when we moved into the brand new house. But I just change it by resetting it with the settings. I don't actually change the filter, but she doesn't know that and then the water tastes fine.

All of a sudden, it's weird. Thanks, guys. Love the show. Keep it up. Gang, gang. That's called and I think

that's called thank you, brother, for making the call and sorry you've been going through that. I think that is called lying. What's he going through? Sorry, you're going through you lying. Imagine that is called... What is he going through, Theo? Lying. What's he going through?

Sorry, going through you lying. Imagine every time watching his wife drink water and knowing he's living a double life. Oh, dude. And she's just, and he's just like this.

But no, because she's going, but this is why... Funny how you like the water. But this is why she's doing that though because she's all like, thank you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? You needed to change this. Now the water tastes so much better and he's just looking at her like... In her head, he's just like, if you only knew, bitch. Like he wants to tell her.

Yeah, oh, for sure. You know what I mean? He wants to be like, oh, you know that water? The filtered water you drink? But he's got that in his back pocket. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She cheats. He goes like this.

You did what? Oh, yeah. Well, you know the water you've been drinking for three years. It's unfiltered. Yeah. Joke's still on. It's a great surprise, though. It's a great surprise, and you saved that, boy.

Well, that's just so. Yeah, keep it in your back pocket. Save that in your back pocket. But also, just change the filter. Yeah, boy, where you being? Just change the filter. I have one of those things, too. It's like, you know, you just unscrew it. You put that one in, and it's done. Like, what? What? You know what? You're fucking out of the ball. Just change your filter. I have one of those things, too. It's like a, you know, you just unscrew it.

You put that one in, and it's done. Like, what? What? You know why? He don't want to. You know why? He don't want to. Yeah, he don't want to do it.

I get it. Chicks always be telling you what to do, you know? And he just wants to not, can I just fucking play Madden? You know what? She's like, you said you wouldn't. He goes, okay. I did it. Back to the shit, dude.

He wants to, also, he don't like doing handy stuff probably around the house. He wants to lie about the filter. Or it's very funny, I think, to know every time someone's drinking water that you imagine how much joy that adds to your day. That's like that coupled. Every time you hear him in the other room make the clicking sound into the thing and the ice hits, you are dying. Oh, that's good. That's good. Instant satisfaction.

One time when I lived in Burbank, I had two roommates. Enjoy it, honey. How's your water? Every time they're about to have a fight, he goes, aren't you thirsty? How's your water, bitch? I lived in Burbank with a brother's sister. And the sister had the big room and she had a – well, I'll tell this one first. I would go in and every day or so I'd take her poster and lower it an inch and a half.

And until like it was super low. But she didn't notice because it was so gradual. And at the same time, I would go – anytime I had to go to the bathroom, number two, I would go in her bathroom. I wouldn't flush it. And I would walk over to my bathroom and wipe. So I would just leave. I don't give a fuck. I'm a gangster, right?

In Burbank? Wait, wait, wait. Go ahead. I have a question. Did you, like, you know, you had your pants down and waddled? Or you didn't pull them up? Nobody was home. So I waddled.

Pull them up and get shit all over? Yeah, from state. I'll draw the line there so you can also hold your butt open and walk yeah yeah pretty much what i did but so uh your butt open oh yeah i won't so she asked me she was like did you not this is like a really weird question but like do you take shits in my bathroom when i'm not here and i said huh and she said yeah do you take shits in my bathroom when I'm not here? And I said, huh? And she said, yeah, do you take shits in my bathroom when I'm not here? And I was like, no, maybe you forgot the flush. She said, yeah, but there's no toilet paper in

there and I, I always wipe. It's just, and I was dying. I said, you mean there's just shits in there? And it was me. Oh, my God. That's so diabolical, dude. It is very diabolical. It fits with everything he does. That's psychological warfare.

Yeah, I know. Because she's looking in the toilet like, first of all, this is a tremendous amount of shit in here. I was fucking her up, dude. And she would go and see that until she'd come out, and she'd be like, that poster. Bro, it was awesome. She's a little stupid, though, huh? Have you ever admitted this to her? Uh-uh, now.

All right. Still not now. Still not now. I need to call in and do one of those. What's up, boys? I'm Chris. Name's Mike. Calling in from Baltimore, Maryland.

Got a relationship advice for you. So basically, my girl goes to a university college, and she'll go to frat parties every now and then, and she'll end up taking pictures with the frat boys and chugging with them and don't frat shit. Oh, no, no, no. As of now, I don't really mind it. You should.

I'm not a jealous guy, so I don't care much, but I know how guys think. Yeah. And a little thing like that may give them an invitation to something more. She doesn't realize that. Oh, she does. So I want to get your guys' advice on that. Should I bring light to the subject, or should I just keep doing what I'm doing and let it go?

Should I bring the adult response first and then you guys can you know be silly? Go if you want. Thank you. I hope she didn't just leave us a voicemail. I know.

Right? No I think that like as long as I just think that he has to have a conversation with his chick just about like please don't put yourself in a compromising situation.

Disrespect. You know what I mean? So like if the girl can go so what? Go drink, have fun. Do you have partners with you? Do you have people that like you feel safe? you know because you don't want to be in a situation drinking with people that you don't know because it's like because if

Invitation I don't agree with that that means you're with assholes But if you are with assholes make sure you in a safe situation because I don't want to hear later I wouldn't want my chick coming to me later being like, you know, this thing happened at this Because then I'm like well, what the fuck were you doing at this party? Right? You know what I mean? It's like, don't put yourself in a compromising situation because it's not going to be just on the other people. Yeah, you want the real, real...

Listen, if you're partying with Sigma Phi Alpha every fucking Saturday doing bong rips, you're doing more than bong rips. You feel me? She's there with the boys. They ain't just looking for a friend. Live her best life. She in college. You're getting DP'd, man. I've seen this a million times.'re drinking miller liking dp like you was not every saturday i just feel like uh yeah what you should just have the conversation like just so you know this looks

like this yeah just so you know you need to know that information like one time i was i this was maybe 11 years ago. I was with this girl and she, and we were, she was my girlfriend and she had like pictures on her. I think it was Facebook. MySpace. Of, no Facebook. And she had pictures of her like on private planes, private jets. And I was like, just so you know, cause she really wasn't like that at all.

No, she wasn't. And I said, I said, no, I said to her, I said. She wasn't? She really wasn't. You know this girl. She was. Oh said i said no i said to her i said she wasn't she really wasn't you know this girl she was okay and then she for sure was she was no no no there's only one way you got on a plane daddy yeah come on private no so let me explain this to you before you know yeah this is funny we want to keep oh okay so so so i said to her i said just so you know this looks like you're fucking guys on private planes. You need to know this.

And she was like, oh, really? And I said, yes. I said, if you're not doing that, if you are doing that, who cares? And fine. But if you're not doing that, you don't want to look like that. And she was like, oh, she took all those pictures down immediately. Well, that's nice of her. But it's like.

It sucks though. A chick can't just be on a private plane on her Instagram. No, it does suck. But I said, you have to get that. It's hard to get from. I mean, it's hard. it sucks though. A chick can't just be on a private plane on her Instagram. No, it does suck, but it's hard to get from I mean, it's hard. Travel's hard. Yeah, travel's hard. Would you private plane to see your kid? You know what I mean? Would I? You just land

on a reservation without telling anybody? I'd fly on a damn eagle's back to see my son. I'll tell you that. I think it's prohibited. That sounds like a great song. I'd fly on a eagle's back for you. To see my son. It's maybe too wordy, but... Fly on an eagle's back

to see my son. As long as it's not connecting. One eagle, not two eagles. She's also looking for some relationship advice. Alright, well, what's up? Hey, am I... What up, guys? My name's Sam. I some relationships. All right. Well, what's up?

Hey, my... What up, guys? My name's Sam. I'm 25. I'm from New Jersey. Currently at work. I do real estate photography. And I have a King Itter Sting It for you guys.

So King Itter Sting It. I'm talking to this guy. I've been talking to him for a couple months now. Met on a fucking dating app. Haven't actually met in person. Says he wants to like do all these sexual things to me and whatever and like I haven't been

attracted to somebody like this in a really long time so of course I'm being a dumbass and just like going along with it and then he won't come actually meet me on the weekends and claims he can't have people over cause he still lives with his family and I still live with my family so I can't have him over and it's lives with his family and I still live with my family so I can't have him over. Catfish! At this point, you're all barking

no bite, dude. Like, come on. So, can you just ding it? Do I just keep talking to him and wait to see if he comes around or what? No. No. No. I'm just kind of tired of it at this point. Gang gang, buzz buzz, Crystalia, I fucking love you, but sore? Yeah.

Change it. No. Wow. You can't use my own shit against me. That's funny. Listen, she's way too cute to be like, after a hit, the dude haven't met you in three days, out, get out. Too cute for that shit.

Yeah, well, there's a few questions that we need to understand. Let's go. How far away is he? Number one. What are you doing? Okay, if he's across the country, I understand. That makes it tough. Also, how long

has it been? She said a few months. Oh, it has? Okay, that's too long, yeah. If you're bad enough, the dude's like in the general area, I'd say a three to four hour plane ride, he would be there, man. He's a little batty. Or has a wife or some shit. You know what I mean?

Have they FaceTimed? You're on an app, fine. You know what I mean? Yeah. Have they FaceTimed? Like, you know, like get off it. Like you're on an app, fine. You meet someone on an app, cool. Talk, talk, talk. Get off that shit right away. You know? Get on the FaceTime.

Hey, what's up? Oh, cool. Wow, I like your style. Ding dong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hi, I'm here. Yeah, yeah. That's me.

All I'm saying is because it's too common. It's so easy for people just to be like you know whatever like what is she doing she's also a pretty girl she's also a pretty girl she's got a great job it should be easy

Theo will fucking fly on an eagle to get to her yeah dude I'd fly on an eagle's back Theo would be fucking yeah dude to watch you sit on that egg yeah yeah yeah

wait that's my son would we maybe want to talk to her on Zoom next week on the Patreon episode? Yeah, just kind of like set her straight.

You know what? No, we need to do the dating thing with her. Oh, yeah, that's cool too. Set her up with somebody. Set ourselves up for someone real. Yeah, somebody real.

Set her up with Theo. I want to see what... She should send pictures to the dude. It's probably... You could reverse Google image it and it's Antonio Sabato Jr. But here's my question.

She's taking pictures in like fancy houses because she's a real estate photographer, but it looks like, you know. Oh, so she's lying, you're saying? Yeah. She's catfishing with the houses? Yeah. What if your girl was taking pictures because she's a private jet picture person? You know what I mean?

But at least we know she's pretty. That was actually her. Yeah. But she didn't catfish. You know, she might live in an apartment, some dope crib. What if some guy sends a video like, hey, I have six kids and a wife, and I've been sending videos to this. Talking to this chick in New Jersey.

She keeps wanting to meet up. What should I do? I want to know, have they talked on the phone? If you haven't actually talked on the phone to him, he ain't real. But it has to be FaceTime. Right, that too. Oh, this guy, hi, I'm taking a shit, king it or sting it. Yo, I got a kingy stingy for you um you'll have to excuse my eyes because uh they won't open uh tattoos with no deeper meaning um i get people coming up to me all the time i got a

decent collection of them they ask what they mean, dude, they don't mean jack shit. Yeah, nothing worse. I got a pineapple up here. It's just a fucking pineapple. Yeah, why not? Triangle. It's a triangle. Cool. You know?

Yeah. Pinecone. It's a pinecone. You like pinecones. I want it means something. Hey! Oh, well, I'm not surprised. But, yeah, king it, sting it, tattoos, no deeper meaning.

Does he have the trailblazers on his leg? He has a cat in panties on. I like that guy immediately, too. That's great. You know what? I think it's cool to just get tatted up. Fuck it. You are a cat guy.

Not really. I think it's cool to get tatted up. Don't you? No, I think it's dope. There's nothing worse when someone goes, what's that mean? I guess so. I don't know you that well, you know? Yeah, but also you kind of signed up for it, though.

Did you? Have you ever asked somebody what the tattoo? Never. Well, speaking of tattoos that look ridiculous, go ahead. Take this one, Chris. Dude, this is a great tattoo I have, and I know why I got it. And if you'd like to know, you can ask. Why'd you get it?

Okay. Well, so my birthday is 40 days from Calvin's birthday. Oh, my God. And Kristen's birthday is 40 days from Calvin's birthday. I hate you even have to explain this. Yeah, it's cool. I'm cool. But you have no tat.

I'm cool. You have none. Get a tattoo. Also, he's got a pine cone and pineapple. That's hilarious. That's pretty good, dude. I think he's got a pine tree. Wee-da!

Now it's starting to mean something. What's that? I think he's pretending like it doesn't mean something. What's that movie with Ryan Gosling? Forestry, probably. Return of the Pines or whatever. Is this Batman? This guy?

Oh, yeah. What's his name? Oh, this is that meatball, isn't it? What is up, guys? Brendan, Theo, Chris, maybe Eric, maybe Stevie. I got a King Intersting it for you guys. Nice. Movie posters is room decor.

Now, I know it's kind of a stereotype for guys that are in college, but I'm a guy in college myself, so it doesn't bother me a ton, but I wanted to see what you guys thought. Maybe it's not original enough. Maybe it's a little corny. Gang gang, buzz buzz. Is that a...

Nice. Sore. A pump fake with the... Is that a Denny's? Yeah, Denny's. Nice. Sore. Oh, a double? A pump fake with the sunglasses? Triple. Triple. Is that a Denny's? Is that a Denny's?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Denny's. Oh, I get it now. Yeah, so, no, I think that, yeah, you're in college. That's what you do. He's probably got a Fight Club poster. No, not even college. This is a, you don't have a steady girlfriend that comes over all the time situation.

And he's a good guy. Is there any other information about him? A girl needs to just go fix him up. That's all we got. I have a dope Pulp Fiction. And he's a good guy? Is there any other information about him? A girl needs to just go fix him up. That's all we got. I have a dope Pulp Fiction poster. That's a good poster. That shit is now in the downstairs bathroom. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know what I mean? I'm surprised it's even there. It seems like this guy is a good guy. Yeah, he seems like a good guy. He has a Rocky poster. I wish he showed us what posters he has.

He's got the Rat Pack. I mean, so called. I guarantee it's a Fight Club poster. I guarantee it. Scarface? Yes, Scarface is a good one. Swingers? We might be too young for that, but yeah.

All right. Good guys. Good guys. Quality human beings. So you never had, are you ever a poster guy? Oh, yeah. I was, yeah, when I was in college. I mean, I didn't want to go to college.

I have sports posters. I have a bunch of Michael Jordan posters. Yeah. Yeah. We had a lot of that. Tommy Hodson. We had a lot of different guys. I have a big ass, big trouble in Little China painting when you walk in my house.

Oh, that was such a great movie. One of the best. Yeah. What's going on, Brendan, Theo, Chris? That shit wasn't one of the best. Neutering your dog. That's a great movie. Neutering your dog, yeah.

I got a King of the Rings thing for you. Neutering your dog. Are you for it or against it? Me personally, I haven't neutered your dog yeah i got a king get her stinging for you neutering your dog are you for it or against it me personally i haven't neutered my dog he's two and a half years old my vet did tell me it's not an issue and she doesn't see a lot of cancer and young healthy dogs i know there's a lot of controversy against it but what do you think neutering your dogs for it or against it gang gang buzz buzz sore buzz. Sore. Say bye, buddy. Let me see that wiener.

Let me see that dick. Well, they don't cut the dick off. No, but you want to see what's working, man. Put accidentally pet wiener. I think, honestly, they say it's health benefits, right? I guess, but also. They lie. It's pervy rich dudes

working on steaming out of animals. It's a very you thing to say. Is it? We live in this, in Hollywood, is that weird to say? No, I'm not saying it's weird to say, it's a very you thing to say. Yeah, like you're at some party

and you have to bring a pint of- I like how they say, oh, it doesn't really bother the dogs. Really? Who told you that? That preface, dog. The dogs certainly didn't um that hurts man but sometimes it hurts them too they somebody connected it to like a

monitor or something you can see when it hurts oh i bet man but also some of those like bulldogs and big great danes have them big big balls they sit on it like one of those things in the toy store that you don't you don't want those all over your hands and face you're the big black balls they do it yoga there's a video of some kid like just touching some animals balls over and over again too on the internet and i think here's the thing you cut balls off you don't get videos like that but you know what you can do you can snip their their nuts and then they have prosthetics checking the menu You know what I'm talking about, Chin. Fake nuts. Yeah, fake nuts.

Fake nuts for your dogs. You can pick bigger ones too if you want. At the restaurant. I know, I know. You can get Great Dane nuts. I know, I know. Imagine if you went to the restaurant

and there's like so many different types of dogs on the menu. The Cocker Spaniel is really nice too. What's today's special? It's either of them fake nuts. Look how happy that guy is.

Let me see if we have any left. Ooh, sorry. God, we're fresh out of Bichon, guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the misplay. I love shit like this. You don't need the quotes. Just wrong quotes.

You know how many people use just quotes for no reason? It wasn't jokingly before. It was before. It wasn't nobody said after. It's before. It wasn't, nobody said after. It's after. You guys don't feel strongly about that? Well, fuck, I'll bring it over to congratulations. Maybe the after is the before.

So it's before. That dog got them hammer balls. That dog got them body nuts on it. This guy also needs some relationship advice jeez these people are struggling man uh brennan theo um i know chris and harry get all butthurt when you don't mention that so thank you guys facts don't hurt anybody else's feelings so fucking whoever decided to show up today nick chin uh stevie cat chapelle fucking derrick i guess that short kid in the back you guys always make fun of shout out him um jake i'm from chicago i got a relationship advice today um i've been

with my girl for a while love her to death everything's going good there but uh i'm in law school right now so living pretty broke boy status could this guy be more my dinners you know ubers drinks yeah um and i want to take her out and do cool city stuff but it's also expensive and yeah i had daddy ain't got the money like that i got these hand-me-down couches you know shit's just not going that well so uh i don't know how to feel as a man feeling fear if you guys could help me out. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. It's an investment, dog. You're a stock.

We'll see what's up in 10 years. We're still driving Uber and you're a lawyer, daddy. You do have money. Look, your time is money, brother. You're putting your time into yourself right now and that's what you're doing. She sees that. She's a smart girl. She sees that. She sees you're going to be a lawyer.

You're going to be a.... You're going to be a whatever he's going to be. What else could you be with a lawyer? A court room. Judge. Doctor. Okay. And another thing too

is like you don't stop putting stock into spending money as quality. Yes. No, just say I love you though. You could like go on a like nice walk

because like if you handmade some sandwiches and you took it to a park or you, just find all kinds of other shit to do. Catch a little salmon, bro. Yeah. There's so many things you could do. Buy that bitch a fish dinner, dog. You know what I'm saying?

Treat her well. And you're doing the long haul thing, too. So that's, I'm sure, attractive to her that you're out here trying to be better. Press charges against that bitch. Yeah, trying to be all you can be, man. Press charges. Get that bitch a make flurry everyone this this is monsters your honor what's his job did he say?

You're good man, you fucking you're good you're young dude, you don't have money yet cuz you're young you'll have money, you know I'm not gonna say this guy almost we had to wear his teeth a little bit too far apart social distance You're an asshole Social distancing. His last one. You're an asshole, Eric. Me? I wasn't even going to go in on it. You just tagged it. Oh, Brendan A. shit, man.

You see how he does it? You act me on, man. Y'all taking it easy. Y'all are midget kickers, bro. I'm going to hire that lawyer to sue the fuck out of you. Sean Paul here from Belfast. There you go. He's fucking Ida she folks

He has four top teeth is that it This deep like a hippo I think he just moved his third one over because he lost one. Wow. He lost one of them. Y'all some assholes, man. This motherfucker's too funny. It's not like you said shitty clothes, but he's saying slutty clothes. He said slutty clothes, and he doesn't mind it when his girl wears slutty clothes.

He got kicked in the face, and one of the teeth fell out, and he just moved that third one over. Fuck it. Bro, he's Irish. Slutty slows. Yeah, he's Irish. His topty slows. Yeah, he's Irish. He's Irish. His top teeth are six times bigger than his bottom teeth. Ain't nobody arguing he's Irish.

Bro, I think this guy's fine. Like, he looks the way he looks. It's not bad. He's doing great. He's Irish. He's just asking. He's cool with his girl wearing slutty clothes. I think he's cool.

He's Irish. Yeah. I think he's cool. Don't be insecure about it. You want your girl to look good. It's your girl. But in Ireland, is that like a thing? Because they have like a lot of shame, you know? I don't be insecure about it you want your girl to look good it's your girl yeah but in ireland is that like a thing because they have like a lot of shame you know i don't think so but it's also like when guys get mad when other dudes look at your chick like bro if you can

drive a ferrari people gonna look at it i know i know but but people stare at my girl's ass i'm like i get it man yeah i know one time i was one time i was at this i don't remember what it was but it was some kind of hollywood thing and years ago and i don't even do it was, but it was some kind of Hollywood thing. And years ago. And I don't even do shit like that. And so I see this really beautiful woman walk by. And then I see holding her hand Orlando Bloom, right? So I see her first. And then I see it's Orlando Bloom. And Orlando Bloom looks at me and goes, and gives me a wink.

He's just like, yeah, I know. You know what's up. You know? And I was like, right from then on, I'm like, I'll watch everything Orlando Bloom looks at me and goes, and gives me a wink. He's just like, yeah, I know. You know what's up. You know? And I was like, right from then on, I'm like, I'll watch everything Orlando Bloom is in. That was so fucking funny. You watched all seven Pirates of the Caribbean. And so good. I watched every Pirates of the Caribbean, every Lord of the Rings, and every whatever

other movie she's done. And that's it. I know you guys have never seen this. And maybe it's on YouTube. And what is it? Have you seen this Billie Eilish documentary? And Orlando Bloom meets her. Yep.

And he hugs her. Too long. Creepy style. He's trying to feel the sweater pop. Really? Sweater guy, like, I'm sure it's on YouTube. Because Orlando Bloom goes in on this hug. Oh, wow.

That's funny, bro. Because he's such a fan of her, right? Yeah, but he's with his girl, Katy Perry, at the time. Who's bad, too. Yeah. Yeah, right here yeah this is probably it let's get it going dude is it a good documentary yeah you've seen it yeah oh yeah i like billy eilish so katie perry hugs are hard yeah but just because you like it doesn't mean it's

a good documentary no it's good doc dude be cool man yeah but tell me why it's a good doc oh here we go here he goes that's a quick that's Oh, here we go. Here he goes. That's a quick hug. That's not even the one. That's not the one. That's the one at the concert. All right, cool. Yeah. Oh, he's double up.

He did do a double hug there. Oh, he's two of them. I mean, I get it, though. Knocked his girl's hat off. He's like, I got an old school pop star, and I got the new school pop star. Dude, I went to a movie the other day. What are we talking about? I go to the movie, and there are four people in front of me in, I went to a movie the other day. What are we talking about? I go to the movie

and there are four people in front of me in line and one of them was Billie Eilish. I went to the movie. What was the movie? Was she pretty in person? Was it an Orlando Bloom movie? No, I was going to a different, I don't know what movie they went into.

Was it Jared Leto's? Dude, Morbius? Bro. I went to the premiere, actually. Morbius? I knew you did. Come on, bro. Did you see it?

Fuck no. I can't wait to, though. Hey, did you see it fuck no i can't wait to though hey did you see my lord and savior in person who you're letting you got a picture with him i didn't get a picture with him you post on instagram bro the guy sent you a picture up with him in the improv yeah yeah yeah oh somebody took a picture of us yeah i saw somebody took a picture of us i love that he's the guy's name is mich is Michael Morbius. Yeah. Bro, that's so funny. Yeah, it's like if your name was like Chris Corvius. Dude, Michael Morbius.

Like, oh, you're the superhero then. Michael Morbius. It's so, back in the, they ended up back in the 40s, you know? Al Madrig was in it. When that was cool. Yeah, Al Madrig was in it. He did a good job.

Yeah, but did, I thought like, these are the only two cops in the whole city? Movie's so bad, right? There was, it was light on the- Gotta watch it. There wasn't a big cast. Yeah. You don't need a big cast.

It was weird. It just was weird. Why? Because you got- Jared Leto. Got all you need. You got power. Jared Leto was actually a really attractive man.

Yeah, but you're saying this like fucking Jesus was a nice guy. Yeah, we know. He's from Louisiana too. Do we know Jesus was a nice guy? No, but you know what I'm just saying. The Backstreet Boys are good at singing. It's like sing on it for that thing. You know?

Jared Leto's an attractive dude. He's in the worst Marvel movie and the worst DC movie, which is hilarious. That is hilarious. I have a game show idea. Rock your body. Here's my game show idea. You have to have a serious conversation with somebody with pop music playing in the background, and you cannot react to the pop music.

That's a great – Look at his fucking – Can you do that? He's 50. Yeah. He's 50 years old. I'm going to get my shit together. He's fit as a feed light, bro.

He's always at the UFCs too, man. Yeah. That's where I met him at. I bet you did. I don't know about this. He's probably like, oh, you're always the guy tweeting during the paper. I feel that Chris is jealousy right now. Oh, dude, I can't, he's such a hater on Jared Leto.

I'm not a hater. Dude, the guy's a great actor. Yeah. He's a great actor. Yeah, won an Oscar, you fuck. He's a young king, man. I'm not saying he's not good, but he's done some horrible shit in the fucking movies, and he dresses like a complete fool.

Come on, not every episode on Congratulations is great. You know what I mean? Yeah, look, I will say this. He definitely has some attire that he has like a very hot mom attire at times. Yeah. But he. That's actually cool. If you look like that, you dress like that.

It's a cool jacket. Oh, yeah, dude. He's trying to like. He goes, can I mess this up? Let me try. Yeah, it's like almost like I'm on. It's like, let me try to fuck this up today and see if I can't get any pussy. You know what the gram? If you just wore a suit no shirt

But wait, I'm tired of you saying I'm a fucking hater. Oh, you're here cuz I'm not anywhere say one good thing about him Look at this shit. Here we go. Look at this shit. Dude. It's the Met Gala. See about the ice skate. It's the Met Gala I don't give a fuck what it is. How about that dude? It's the Met Gala. I don't give a fuck what it is. How about that, dude? He's got an ice can in there. Chris, I can see you in this.

He looks like a- Yeah, but I'd be doing it as a joke. He looks like one of those Faberge eggs. Every episode of Congratulations is good. The China eggs. He looks like a Faberge egg in this. That guy's a fucking chandelier. But he also, he wildly looks- He's a vampire.

He looks like a handsome man and a hot chick at the same time yeah only really rich people can afford it though people like that's good call yeah, Jared Leto. And he got that Fabergé. Wow, Fabergé, that's a good call. Yeah, it is. Spot on. Gang, gang. Yeah, it's tough because he's either a really pretty girl or a handsome dude.

I'm confused. Yeah, but the thing is, this is obviously some kind of point he's trying to make, so I'm okay with it. No, Chin. It's not like he's just wearing a dress. Guys, Chin, what do you think in your culture, what do you guys do with this? They probably kill him. The outfit? Yeah.

Yes. I think, no, kings and queens usually, they actually dress kind of like that. This is what makes people hate Hollywood, bro. Yeah. It's like, this is so stupid and so out of touch. I don't give a fuck if it's the Met Gala. But he's that guy. So don't be that guy.

He's the face of Gucci. Everybody's that guy now, dude. That's the thing. So don't be that guy. He was the face of Gucci. Everybody's that guy now, dude. That's the thing. No, not everybody, but everybody's trying to be this fucking fantastic version of himself. They're trying to be him. It's just annoying. What does the head mean? I just...

It's art, man. You guys don't know, man. I don't know art. You don't know. I know Jared Leto. You don't know. He knows Jared Leto. You didn't see Morbius.

He went to fucking the premiere. He saw it. I don't go to movies. I paid to see it. I don't go to movies. I know Jared Leto. You don't know. He knows Jared Leto. You didn't see Morbius. He went to fucking the premiere. He saw it. I don't go to movies. I paid to see it. I don't go to movies. I'm not like Theo. I enjoyed it. I had a nice time.

Now, this is completely different. What about this? This is different. Now, this is, who is this? David Allen Greer? No. I can't wait to clip this and send it to David Allen Greer. This is beautiful.

I love that guy. Yeah, he's great. Yeah, that's different, though. See, Jared Leto wouldn't do that. Okay. You know, that guy's trying to be glamorous. That's a gay man. That's his feminine glamorousness he's doing.

Jared Leto's trying to do some sort of political statement. He walks a fine line. This guy looks like Amelia Bastille, your man. That's what that dude looks like right there that's david allen greer when he was 60 i love it he's like 175 now david allen greer was a legend no yeah oh he's still alive david allen greer is a is a legend this is completely different like if jared leto was doing that it's like harry Styles is always doing this. I don't believe Harry Styles. Jared Leto's doing something weird.

He's got the head. Harry Styles is doing this sort of thing. I don't know what you're saying. You're saying you believe Jared Leto more? Yeah. Because he's doing

some kind of thing. You've been known for a year. You've been famous since 14. Let's move on. I love Jared Leto. I love David Allen Greer. That's not David Allen Greer. That's all we got.

Phoenix. I'm going to be April 30th. I'm going to be in Phoenix. Go get those tickets. ChrisDelia.com. Phoenix. I'll be there. I don't know where I'm going to be.

And I'm there right before, Chris. April 14th through the 16th. Stand up live. Phoenix, Arizona. Then Austin, Texas. April 22nd to the 23rd. Moon Tower Comedy Festival. I'm opening up the new Cap Cities out there. Come get some Austin, Arizona. Then Austin, Texas, April 22nd to 23rd, Moon Tower Comedy Festival. I'm opening up the new Cap Cities out there.

Come get some Austin, Texas. And then April 28th, the special drops on Thick Boy. Stay tuned. Check us out at thickboy.com. And the intro's dope, so check that out. I got a show in May 7th in Los Angeles at the Wiltern. You can see it. And then Albuquerque.

Albuquerque. Midland, Texas. Midland, Texas. Love it. Savannah. Texas and Dallas, Texas. That's May. August.

18th through the 21st. And then we'll be heading down to Savannah, Georgia. Montgomery. June 2nd. June 3rd at Augusta. June 4 in montgomery alabama and june 5 over there in columbus ga at the bill hurd theater hey can i say this because theo's not gonna say it's nothing for me feels moving to a different level now you're at a certain level and you're nervous

to do a big tour like this man so come out and see theo man he's taking a risk and he was nervous about it and uh show him some support, man. Get out there and buy those tickets. He's going to be fine. He's trying to get to the next level, and this is it, man. These venues are different freaking level, man. I don't got a lot of dates. No matter what happens.

I might just fly out to these cities and go. It's badass. He's there. I think I'm going to start crashing their shows. I'm just going to show up in – where are you going to be? In Arizona? Yeah, come on by. I'm going to show up there.

I'm just going to come to in dog come to phoenix come to stand up live theo's gonna have security kick me out of uh savannah you have my picture up if you see this guy don't let him near i'll have your montez photo yeah hilarious and patrons we love you guys keep subscribing keep going to it man we're giving you some dope-ass content. Check out Riffin' with Griffin. You can see that every, what day does it come out? I do it on Tuesdays. On Tuesdays.

I think I got to go home right now and do it. All right, kids. Love you. Bye-bye, guys. Buzz, buzz. Outro Music