The Golden Hour - Episode 173: Peacuck

Episode Date: May 13, 2022

The guys talk Jared Leto at the Met Gala, getting a pat down vs a body scan at the airport, Relationship Advice for a 46 year old, wearing sunglasses inside, drinking your significant other's blood, getting screeched in keeping up with traditions, DJ's, square dancing, smoking at work, straight men wearing feminine jewelry and much more!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

That's nice. That's like Eric when he drives home, just singing the shit. You sing shit by yourself, yeah. That's how it sounds. I play karaoke in my car. Pretty lit, actually. You know, on the screen the words come up, you know what I mean? And I'm just like...

Unbreak my heart, say you love me again. Just fucking... Undry these tears. You ever met this guy? Oh, I'm the dumb one. I don't know. Maybe in the 80s. This was the 80s, right? This was so 80s. He's very 40-16 here. He's very 80s for sure, 100%.

I mean, he looks like either 80s or 2022. Like a toothy guy. Well, I mean, you know. We went to the Met Gala. We started? Yeah, we started, yeah. Did you see Jared Leto? I didn't.

Yes, I did with the Gucci guy. What the fuck is this? That's Jared Leto. That's Jared Leto? I didn't. Yes, I did with the Gucci guy. What the fuck is this? That's Jared Leto. That's Jared Leto? Yeah. At the Met Gala. Have y'all met these nuts, son? That's what I want to know.

Oh, I thought that he just wore a suit. Are you sure that's Jared Leto? That is Jared Leto. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just be known for acting.

Yeah. Yeah. He looks like a peacock. Yeah. I know. Whoa. I mean, there's a lot going on there, man. That's got to be so dangerous. And I love Derek.

Dude, check this out. Imagine you're at the Met Gala and you're over at the bar getting a drink and this motherfucker is standing there like that. How do you have just a normal conversation with a dude like that? Without putting your eye out. How do you keep your eyes safe? Well, I know where you get a straw from, first of all. And second of all, look, he's an artiste, man.

He comes out, that's what he is, bro. He'll wear the damn silverware drawer to the mall. That's how he does it. That doesn't look like him to me. Can you zoom in his face? Looks like he's got a mask on, too. He looks like Gary Oldman. Oh, he does look like Gary Oldman.

What's wrong with me? Oh, those are, I mean, that's obviously him. This is like fifth element, Gary Oldman. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Go next year, Ed Leto. I don't see it. But yeah, I guess, I mean, it is him, but like, wow, that's so annoying. Imagine just like having to be with him and be like, all right, let's go.

Oh God, like we're watching out for him and shit. Imagine just getting ready with that, you know? Yeah. Yeah, or having him get in the car and you just set him in the trunk. Yeah, how's go. Oh, God. Like, we're watching out for him and shit. Imagine just getting ready with that, you know? Yeah. Or having him get in the car and you just set him in the trunk. Yeah. How'd he get there? Yeah.

And he shows up. So? FedEx. FedEx. Yeah. How did he get there? What would his name be if he was a co-host on the podcast? Oh, God.

So it's King. The 10. Wing. And the what? Poll question. And the fucking, who knows, man? That's bad. But the other outfit was good.

The one that he dressed with the Gucci guy on the left right there. No, you had it right there. Right there. Left. There you go. That's cool. I mean, that's pushing it, but it's cool. Why y'all looking at these man's clothing, bro?

It's what we do, baby. It's like he almost had it, but then he has a purse. Yeah, the purse is bad. Yeah, that though but where are you gonna keep your stuff bro yeah that what like what if you don't have no pockets i thought that see that's the problem is if a pant doesn't have a pocket on it it should come with those pockets what about these how the fuck you keep your stuff there yeah where you can hang your keys on any of those 1000 hooks he got his house keys right here he got his mail key over here yeah man that's just that new age janitor baby dude i remember remember when jane you ever walked behind the janitor at school and he had all those keys on him and it always just blew your mind you were like how does he know where all the keys go for

all the doors it's like having passwords oh it was that's why every janitor was there for fucking years and years and years they had to be there so they could learn the keys yeah i mean that's crazy look at that oh and now everything's just fucking or fingerprint how do you know all the keys like it's just like that's why he's that old that was the fucking day that he finally knew all the keys he held him up he said see now i know how many janitors shit their pants because not a lot didn't get the bathroom key? Like they got to shit and they're just like, oh, fuck. They didn't get it right.

Oh, shit. Well, janitors, I remember one time I was walking in the hall behind two like kind of helper men at the school. Janitors are helper men. And one of them said to the other one, he's like, hey, we got to get the chairs put up in the gym. Mr. Grant is speaking. And the guy goes, Ulysses S. Grant? And he goes, fuck no, Mr. Grant, the science teacher. Yeah.

And it was a real conversation. Like the dude thought that Ulysses S. Grant was going to speak at our school. Ulysses S. Grant. I know. The long dead. Was dead. I know. Did you know then too? Yeah.

Yeah. And so everyone laughed at him. No, I was the only one that heard it. It was just them two walking in the hall and I was behind them. And ironically. And the guy's like, hey, we need to get the chairs, put up Mr. Grant speaking. He's like, Ulysses Grant? And he's like, Mr. Grant,

the fucking science teacher. He had to be joking. And Ulysses Grant, ironically, is Theo's father. Yeah. Y'all are hating, bro. No, no, no. Yeah, sorry if my dad was a general, dog, and y'all's dad ain't shit. Your dad was just general. But look... That was before basic.

You know what I'm saying? It was like before basic. Look at him. Shut up, bitch. General mail. Yeah. General mail sounds like a mail catalog, doesn't it? I'm sure it is. General mail?

Yeah. I'm sure it is. Yeah. One time I saw a guy, what do we call them? Janitors. And he was cleaning up this fucking paint on the wall. I said, who did that? And he turned around

and he said, assholes, that's who. I think about that all the time, dude. I think about it all the time and I felt so bad for that dude. He was right. Was he a 1930s actor? No, I know.

That's what I fucking see. It was like he was in a play. Assholes, dude. Assholes. And just fucking. And it was a musical? No, I'm saying. You just said it was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And was was a musical? No, I'm saying you just said it was

yeah, yeah, yeah. And was he a tall guy? What did the guy look like? He was tall, yeah. Tall janitor. Tall for a janitor. Tall is a tall goes with janitor.

If you're a tall janitor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess you gotta be because you gotta reach shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're on the broom. Yeah, that long broom. That paint was high.

You can't have like Brad Williams be a janitor. You can't get anything in the closet. There'd be so much dirt up in the top. We had a little janitor at my, I had a, my niece's kindergarten. They had a little janitor there and he would literally push the vacuum with his shoulder, bro. He would like get the vacuum thing going. It was an upright and he would push it with his shoulder, like a football player hitting one of those.

And he was small? Huh? Yeah. Oh, small giant. Yeah. And he would just be like, pull up them football pad things. And he would do the vacuuming like this. I don't know about that.

Oh, man. Well. Oh, me? Oh, man. You took it to a whole other level. Did I? That's how it would be. It was just real shit.

But his is a real story, maybe. So how did he vacuum then if he was pushing the vacuum? Huh? He was doing it like this? No, he would push it like this. Or he would lean back against it like this and push it. Now, see, okay, now he's going to hell too. Bro, I'm just telling you, the guy cut corners sometimes.

Yeah, it was like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that sagback football tackle sled. The tackle sled. Tackle sled. There you go. All right, well, what do we got here? What do you mean this is it, man? Speaking of janitors.

Is this guy a janitor? First of all, I feel like this beautiful guy definitely has sent in a video before. Has he? Really? Probably. I don't recognize him, but I don't doubt it. You guys got a lot of repeats.

That's nice. You're loyal fans. Hey, what's up, guys? Brendan, Theo, Chris, Eric. Good voice. Nick voice chin everybody else in the studio what's going on my name is devin from canada and i have a debate club for you guys today so let me lead you into the story okay i used to work security at the checkpoint in the calgary airport and on two different occasions i actually met chris and Theo because they were coming through that checkpoint. And I stopped and talked to both you guys because the night before, I was at both of your shows. Now, when Theo came through, he walked through the metal detector.

And you know your boy lit that thing up. So I had to ask Theo whether or not he wanted the body scan or a pat-down. Now, Theo, he chose the pat down. So I gave him the pat down and lucky for him, it was me doing it. So I let your man go and it was all good. But the debate club is this. When you guys go through that airport, are you picking

the body scan or a pat down? Gang, gang, buzz, buzz, soar. Why'd you do a pat down? He needed some intimacy. First of all, what set it off in the first place was the two straps I want over this fucking clown. That's why you wanted the pat-down?

You wanted to give him something because of that. So second of all, the thing that I like the pat-down because I don't trust the machinery. I would rather get the hands on. I would rather know if something's going on or not and have somebody know than the machine. Like if you secretly brought a bomb? Yeah. Or are you trying to get like a ball exam or something?

Like what do you mean? Something's going on. What is he going to find out? And that's the guy I'm talking about. What if somebody put something on you, right? Like you, somebody snuck a ball or somebody, you know, if a, what is it called? Somebody from another country is doing crime here. What is that called? Uh, terrorist terrorist does put something on you. They snuck a blade in your jacket or they put a thing. Uh, you want to know?

Yeah. Well, I want somebody to fucking help me know. So if you're on the plane, here we are. If you're on the plane and all of a sudden you notice because you went to the fucking body scan and not a pat down that you've got a razor on you by mistake and somebody put it there you you do what hijack the plane no no you just chill with the radio i don't know how this got here so what the fuck you need a pat down for i don't think also human error is way way more uh prevalent than the fucking that thing but that thing what's

it doing? Yeah, you're scared. It's because you're scared. It's okay if it's fear. If you think it's because of radiation. Well, here's another thing. I will say this. The thing is that the scanner, what the scanner should do is give you a fucking MRI.

You're already there. It should give you some information. See, I told you he was looking for some fucking ghetto medical treatment. Extra shit. You always want extra shit looking for some fucking ghetto medical treatment. Extra shit. You always want extra shit. It's some ghetto medical treatment. He's like, can y'all check and see if my prostate is okay? I'm going to have to do an MRI anyways at some point, so why don't you just fucking, I'm going to get the radiation. Do it now.

Grab that cap. You wanted extra shit. And then he wants a printout after the thing. Can I get that printout? So when he's patting you down, you just say, and would you feel for testicular cancer? Yeah. Yeah. that print out? So when he's patting you down, you just say, and would you feel for testicular cancer? Right. Yeah, yeah. Well, here's what they should do

is the old trick is tell them something's in your ass and they go, look in there for you, bro. The old trick. Nice. And then they don't find anything and you're off the hook

and they're the weirder they've been looking in your ass. Okay, fair enough. Yeah, you play by the rules and if there's something, yeah, you got to look in my ass. You rule, you rule, player. No, just told me

Theo does not have medical insurance. Well, I'm just saying you can say I took a nap upstairs on the second level of the airport for an hour. I woke up, it feels like something's in my ass. What if you told him that?

You know how they say don't leave your luggage? Yeah. Theo, you have to tell Theo don't leave your ass exposed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Always be awake. Always be awake

because your ass might get filled. Wear a chest city belt. Yeah. Sleep with one ass closed, baby. That's my motto. And that's pretty much 100% of your ass is closed let's take a little break fellas because the boys are on the road what are we talking about man where you gonna be dude i'm glad you asked dude i'm in philly next week

thursday friday saturday i'm in philadelphia sun at the helium may 19th through the 21st i am there and then i'm uh shopping friends one night at the Hollywood Improv. Some people you see on camera right now will be there. That's one night only, May 25th. And then Portland, Oregon, June 9th through the 11th. And then San Francisco, Cobbs, one of my favorite clubs, June 17th through the 18th. It's a big one. That's a fun one.

But Philly, you're up next. Come get some. Thickboy.com for tickets. You know what you can do is go to Hollywood, California, May 25th, and go to Brendan Schaub and Friends, and then stay for the Chris D'Elia and Friends. Yeah. And you know what?

You might see both of us. You might see both of us both times. You might see Eric both times. Yeah. May 25th, Hollywood, California. But my tour tour is me going on tour. It's Atlanta, Georgia. I'll be there September 9th, September 10th, Washington, D.C.

I'm doing Stockton, Oakland, Peoria, Rockford, Illinois, Raleigh, Denver. Big one. Belco Theater, November 5th, Cheyenne, Wyoming, and then Boston, which I'm excited about. I love Boston, November 12th, and Jacksonville, Florida. I'm excited about I love Boston November 12th and Jacksonville Florida Chrisalea.com Chrisalea.com Chrisalea.com what'd you say don't even just take that off the screen you know what I mean it's not even right but I'm gonna be you do that right you do that yeah yeah I have to do it my damn self but I'm gonna be uh in the Dania Beach Improv it's a

new improv I just picked up the gig last minute It's fun Yeah that's this weekend So this today If you're watching this today So Friday and Saturday Come check me out There And then You know Creed

From With arms wide open No no not that Creed But Creed from The Office The old guy He's actually a great musician I'm going to be with him At the Mint

On the 21st Oh yeah I saw you post about that Yeah I'm going to be with him On the Mint At the 21st. Oh, yeah. I saw you post about that. Yeah, I'm going to be with him on the Mint at the 21st. He's singing, and I'm going to do comedy to open up. He does some kind of comedy thing. William Charles Steiner. That's what he goes by. So come check.

Daniel Beach, man. Come today. Go see Eric. Tomorrow. Today and tomorrow. Saturday. Come check me out. Great staff.

Yeah, fun. Sounds good. Nobody in this room has a problem with their hair. We lucked out, but still. What are we talking about here, baby? Dude, listen, I told you, my crowd is a real wiener fest. I see a lot of these guys at the meet and greets, you're losing your hair. Here's a little fact for you.

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See show notes for details. See next page for directions for disclaimer. Here is a babe right there. Is that Cameron? Hello, my king and the sting in the wing family my name is robin and i could really use some relationship advice i'm 46 years old and um men my age don't like me i like them they don't like me really um so basically my dating pool has just been a bunch of 20 to 35-year-olds who are, you know, boldly hitting on me and don't seem to give a crap about my age. And I'm very forthright with it. I, you know, don't have anything to hide.

But, yeah, I don't get it. Why don't men my age even hit on me? Help me. They want that monkey, baby. That's what I'm saying. Buzz, buzz. And ca-caw. Are they

intimidated by her? I mean, maybe like the younger dudes. This is, y'all gonna not be 100? Okay. Oh, no. Yeah, no, what is it?

What is it? Are you saying girl be 100? No, no, no. Hold on a second. Girl be 100. Are you saying because the older dudes are looking for younger no, no, no. Hold on a second. It'll be 100. Are you saying because the older dudes are looking for younger women? He's talking.

Is that what you're saying? Yeah. Yeah, I know, but bro, she's hot. I know, but- And if you want to be with somebody and you're older- Here, check this out. If you are, let's say you're 46, 47, 48 year old, 50 year old guy, And let's say you want to get into a relationship and you want to have kids. Oh, okay.

Yeah, well, definitely. Maybe you don't want to start with somebody 46. I understand that, but there's a lot of guys. Okay. I'm with you. But now, if you were somebody that's like, hey, I've already been married, I have kids already, and I just want to be with somebody, then this is perfect. But what the thing is, is like my question, and it's not that it's her fault. I'm asking where is she looking for these guys?

Well, yeah, that's definitely key. Like where are you looking? Are you looking online? Because a lot of the guys will say, oh, he's interested in, you know, she's what, 46. They'll be like 20 to 40. And then she's out. And she's forthcoming about her age, which is fine, which is good, of course. But then you're missing out on that category. If you're out at a bar, then there's

also fucking 25, 26-year-olds at the bar and the fucking 40-year-old dudes are like, what's up? But don't meet a guy at a bar anyway. My advice is widen your search to different places, different interests. Look for people

that have similar interests to you that are not just in the in this like world of like online dating and all that kind of stuff because those guys are looking for yeah you know i feel obviously a lot of people with this lady probably just trying to plump that monkey a little she's filming they're trying to get up on them yum kettles baby you know what i'm talking about i'm sorry i'm sorry look at them yum kettles, baby. You know what I'm talking about. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yum kettles? Tits, I think. Tits. What are you talking about?

Tits. Do we have tits? Yum kettles. I like that. I'm just saying, baby. She got them real fucking fluff tonsils on her. You know what I'm talking about. Okay.

I'm sorry. Fluff tonsils? Tits is the answer. Can you use that? What is the origin of fluff tonsils? Can we use that in a sentence? It originated as yam. What was that fucking? Yam kettles?

Yam kettles. Them yum kettles, baby. This lady's obviously sporting that kitchenware, dog. You know what I'm talking about. Dude, do you do that when you fuck? Yeah, nice yum kettles. Oh, those yum kettles. Yum kettles.

That's actually kind of hot. It's not bad, man. It is what it is. But I'll say this. Do you think this lady is really having a problem? That's what I'm wondering. Yeah, I think so.

I think that she is looking for a particular type of guy and she wants to date somebody her age and then like, yeah, it's probably fun to have some 30-year-old

pound those yum kettles, right? Yeah, but... But she's looking for like – That's not what you want. That's not what you want. She wants somebody she can watch TV with and fucking be like, remember Matlock? You know what I mean? Exactly.

Like she can't fucking – Dun, dun, dun, dun. She wants to do that. That's Lauren Ord. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But she needs a guest older. Right, right, right. Remember those –

Who's your favorite Batman? And they go together, Adam West. You know what I mean? They don't fucking – Like Sean Connery is her favorite. Exactly. Of course. It's not Daniel Craig. Yeah, but what I mean? They don't fucking Like Sean Connery is her favorite 707. Of course, that's not Daniel Craig.

Yeah, but what I'm saying is like so that particular guy he's out there. She's cute. Hit her up. I think she is cute, man. I have just met her.

Where is she? She's obviously in Orange County. Yeah, she's in somewhere nice. Yeah. Because look, you can tell by her hair she's rich, bro. And I'll say this also.

She is in that age range where I think if there's a lot of like pervy men at 60, they're looking for 25, 32-year-old. And if there's a lot of men that – so she kind of gets left out of that space. I don't know. I just think you have to just expand your base. But I don't believe that a man isn't trying to meet this lady.

That's the part I don't believe. She might mean in a long term, right? That's what I mean. She's looking for a long-term relationship. But you have to decide, too. If you're some guy, if there's some wealthy whatever guy. What do you mean? Like a count or something?

Yeah, a count. Yeah, like a count. Does a count want to deal with whatever? What does that person want to deal with? I don't know. It has to be matching personalities. I say to her, try eHarmony or these kinds of things where you have to fill out a questionnaire and – She's going to be fine, man. Y'all sweating this lady too much.

No, we're not. I want her to succeed. She's asking for advice. Yeah. She sent her video in asking us for advice and you telling us we're sweating her? We're doing too much. Yeah. Yum kettles. You're not even really helping that much, man. You just said she had yum kettles and fluff bonkers.

You all like, show me them fluff bonkers, girl. At least I'm giving her opportunity for some mating. Yeah, well. She's already said she's done mating. Well, look, baby. No, did she say that? Yeah, she's got 25-year-olds all the time. She's got them slam hampers on her freaking chest.

I'm sorry. What's the game now? Slam hampers? Slam hampers. That one doesn't even make sense. I'm going to lock y'all up in my nuts, you little bitches. Let's roll, bro. She's going to be fine.

I'll see you at the mall. Rami Malek. We got Rami Malek. Yeah. What's up, guys? I got a relationship advice question here. What if it was being accused of being Rami Malek. We got Rami Malek. Yeah. What's up, guys? I got a relationship advice question here. What if it was being accused of being Rami Malek? Yeah, that was his question.

What do you do if you are vehemently trying to convince your friends you're not Rami Malek? Yeah, I am not Mr. Roqueen. Come out. A little bit unusual because it's about my mother. I'm not dating my mother. I'm from the Northeast. What if that was his mom? Too smart for that.

But she's a bit of a booze bag. And I still live at home. And I moved back home recently after a couple years away to save some money for when the world tanks. My fiance and I can slide in and buy a home at a cheap price. So I'm just saving up a little extra. But her drinking is worse than ever, probably. And she's getting bundled nowadays. She's getting absolutely shit-faced.

It doesn't stop at one glass, but one glass and she's just full reed. And I can't get through to her. She seems like she kind of wants to get better, but doesn't really, and I'm just fucking sick of it. kind of wants to get better but doesn't really and i'm just fucking sick of it okay i'm at the point where do i say fuck it and may or may not have a grandmother for my children or do i like start being a dick and i'm like hey i'm gonna throw your wine out in the woods here like i don't know what to do at this point so gang gang buzz buzz flat flat flat. Thank you. This is a tough one. God, that made me fucking tear up, dude. Really? Did your mom drink?

No, no. It's just tough, man. It's like, fuck. Yeah. It's just tough, man, because you fucking lose your family off this shit, and it's just brutal, man. Yeah. Just, I feel for you, man. I feel for your mom, too.

It's fucking rough. And what do you feel like's rough about it, man? I mean, I hear you. I feel for your mom too. It's fucking rough. And what do you, what do you feel like is rough about it, man? I mean, I feel, I hear you. I'm just thinking about it with you. I mean, he can't control her behavior. You know, he, he can't try and help her. He can only, there comes to a point where the

only thing he can do is let her fuck up and then she has to figure it out herself. I mean, I've met so many of these fucking people. Yeah, me too. And that's a hard thing to do when it's a loved one because what you end up doing is enabling their behavior. And when you enable their behavior, it only makes it worse. And then it's hard when people say it's so easy just to be like, you have to let them hit rock bottom.

But when you love someone, it is hard to watch a loved one hit rock bottom. Then you feel like, oh man, I could have done more, but you know, it's just one of those things where. It's just one of those things. You're just going to fuck it up. You're going to fuck it up. Like you're going to fuck it up. And hopefully she makes it out. I mean, there's no right way to deal with it. There's only the textbook way, which is let her deal with it the way she needs to deal with it. And, you know, cutting, sometimes cutting someone out of your life is a favor to them. And, you know, this guy's having a kid or whatever, or has a kid. It's like, yeah, I have a kid and I'm thinking about my kid, not being able to see my parents because of that or something.

It's just heartbreaking. Yeah. It's tough. Yeah. That's real challenging, man. If somebody, if you're trying to wait for somebody and what exactly was he saying?

I mean, I heard him, but I'm saying he was saying he's living there to save money, but the mom is drinking a lot. That's how, well, that's when he noticed living with her. He said she always,

I cut some out cause it was like a minute 40, but he said she used to always have a glass of wine. He thought his dad was the drinker cause he'd get hammered on weekends but now when he's living with her he sees she's getting hammered every night yeah yeah that's challenging man yeah and i think it's hard for him i don't know if it's hard or easy for a mother to hear something from her son that's like that you know i think i mean some mothers person to tell her it's the person to tell her that's yeah that's for sure well but but the thing too is like this guy has trying to, he's trying to control his own life too. So he's trying to be like, I'm having a kid.

I'm trying to save money. I have my woman. We're trying to do this thing. And then there's this albatross. There's this thing here that's like, what do I do? This little thirst bear. Yeah. What do I do?

And so he's like, doesn't know what to do because whatever choice he makes, he's going to feel shitty. And that's what's hard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what's hard. Raising your kid, raising Calvin, it's like you're going to fuck up. You're going to fuck up. But you don't want this outside force that's also fucking up. Right, right, right.

You know what I mean? So then you have to make some hard choice between this person you love that you're responsible for and this other person that you would love dearly. It's a hard choice. It's i would suggest therapy uh do we know do we know if we think the mother is an alcoholic or is she just going through something that's the kind of the tough part it's like yeah yeah you can't convince somebody that they have a problem yeah you have to what it is tough waiting for somebody to hit rock bottom you know if that's what you're waiting for i got a family member i'm waiting for in here it's like what can you do you can only do so much and you talk to him yeah you talk to him but then sometimes people get in such a bad way they lash out at you all the time for no reason where it's

like you can't even really talk to them yeah because at that point yeah you're just kind of supporting them in these really bad spaces it And you're not even talking to them. You know what I mean? It's like they're sleepwalking. And they've been gone sometimes for years, the actual person you knew. Well, another thing that's super difficult to deal with when you're dealing with an alcoholic is that you have to be so patient. Because if, say, somebody's drunk and they fuck up and they do some shit, you can't immediately be like, yo, you're doing this thing.

Because they can't even understand. So you've got to wait a week until maybe they're sober and then you've got to be like, hey, you know, this happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? And so at a certain point, you've got to go, like, your situation you're in, you're like, I don't have time for this because I have my kid that I've got to keep safe. And so this guy, my suggestion is like, you may not be able to save this money.

You need to take your woman and you need to get your own place because you are now making And so this guy, my suggestion is like, you may not be able to save this money. You need to take your woman and you need to get your own place because you are now making yourself unhappy. You're watching this thing happen to your mom and you can't do anything about it. And so you need to have a comfortable space of your own so you can escape to that is yours and you have control of. Because it's just going to drive you crazy. And, you know. And then it's probably hard to leave because then you don't want to be away from it, maybe in a way.

I don't know. I don't know how far away they would live. That's what I'm saying. There's no right or wrong way because then you end up enabling the behavior. And I've been in this situation. The person that's in my life is now finally in a good rehab,

got their life together. But it took me having to be like, but that's the hardest thing to do. It easy to say but hard to do and you don't notice it until you're out of it where you go damn i should have done that before but i didn't have it in me to do it yeah that's position he's in right now he don't have it in him to do it yeah man it's tough i feel for your mother man and yeah i it's tough to know what to suggest you. You could all try to take her to a meeting or introduce her to somebody that knows about going to meetings. But it's hard to convince somebody if they're not trying to convince themselves. Yeah.

And some people don't always just fuck up where they hit a bottom. If his mom's retired, she could drink at home every night and really nothing would happen. Right. And it would just be like this slow part. Right, right. So he might have to say like if he doesn't like the drinking, like you can't see the kids unless you're sober. Yeah, right. Because otherwise, I don't know, she could drink forever.

Right. And it could be stress that they're there. Who knows? And also there could be other things to it. I don't know. It's hard to know what's going on. We're sitting here. Well, one thing we do know is this guy doesn't like it.

Right. So if he don't like it, you need to change your situation. That's a great point. There you go. That's a great point. And that's going on. We're sitting here. Well, one thing we do know is this guy doesn't like it. Right. So if he don't like it, you need to change your situation. That's a great point. There you go. That's a great point. And that's good advice.

Anyway. Hold on a second. Yeah, we got real serious. Yeah, I know. Anyway, I have tour dates, chrisaleah.com. Hold on a second. Chris, I got one of your

17, 30% phone. Yeah, I know. He's crying again. He's fucking crying on the podcast again. What are we going to do? Who's this? It's Portnoy. Portnoy. That's what are we going to do It was just port noise Sorry to go back to back

But another heavy issue Who's making this shit I thought we fired this guy This is Jaren from Phoenix And I got a king in a sting for you Sunglasses inside Chris I was at your show last night in Phoenix, and sitting directly across from me was some dude in the front row wearing sunglasses.

Probably gacked out of his mind on cocaine, but it is what it is. So I just wanted to get your guys' opinion on that. Yeah. Nick, I know you love video or fucking driving submissions, so I thought I'd hop in my golf cart to get a little extra credit here. This guy's so Phoenix. I mean, no, guys, gang, gang, buzz, buzz, sore.

The Phoenix shows were fucking awesome. I love this guy. Really? Yeah. Yeah, I think doing the cocaine, man. I remember getting all coked out one time and going to Dodgers game, and I thought every Mexican guy there

was trying to fight me or stab me. And I remember thinking that for like 20 minutes and i was so paranoid and shit and then i coked up oh yeah and i remember asking my friend i'm like dude i think every and i don't want to say mexican guy but it was mexican guys it was like 30 000 mexican guys in the upper deck i was like i feel like every mexican dude here wants to fucking fight me or stab me and the guy's like dude everybody's been yelling that they're gonna fight us or fucking stab us. I was like, cool. Was he on coke too?

Huh? He was on a little bit. Okay, so maybe it was a coke thing. That's not a good source. It could have been the coke. Yeah, it could have been the coke. But he is way smarter than me, my buddy. I don't think he was here.

I mean, he was, I think somebody was trying to- Were they going to fight you because you were wearing sunglasses? I think somebody was trying to hurt us. Yeah, but that's outside. Outside, right, right, right. This guy's talking about sunglasses. Oh, my bad, my bad. It's okay if you're playing a character, or if you're on a podcast and shit, like being silly, I us. Yeah, but that's outside. Outside, right, right, right. This guy's talking about sunglasses. Oh, my bad, my bad. It's okay if you're playing a character

or if you're on a podcast and shit, like being silly, I think. Yeah. Inside, though, if you're going to grab a coffee and you're just sitting there quick and you drink it, that's fine. But if you're at a fucking meeting

or something or at a show, I mean, maybe you understand Jack Nicholson and the fucking Lakers games and shit. That's fine because it's bright and he's also 80. I think you're being a little defensive about sunglasses inside. I don't think that you should. I think you're being a little defensive about sunglasses inside.

I don't think that you should. I think there are times you can do it. If you're 75 or above at a fucking basketball game in the front row and you're rich. Yeah, but those are the ones that cover your whole, you know what I mean? No, not for Jack Nicholson. If you're even alive, you should have one

sunglass. Well, you get to do with a lot. Then you get to put on a fedora. You know what I mean? It's this kind of shit. It's a wrap at that point. Right. You can do whatever you want. Show up in a fucking nightgown.

It doesn't matter. Theo is two weeks away from a fedora. But if you're 30 and you're at a basketball game or you're sitting in a meeting with sunglasses on, that's awful for you. That's awful for you. It depends on where the meeting is. If the meeting is in a bright spot or if somebody's parking their truck right in front of the meeting and they forgot to turn their headlights off, or

if you guys are dealing, if somebody, if you just had an optical surgery. Sure, yes, there's always exceptions. Come on, dude. That's what I'm saying. Just give this guy a chance. What's his problem? Why is this guy ratting out some other dude that's at the show, to be honest? He wasn't specific. It's okay. That's what jack nicholson why is this guy ratting out some other dude that's at the

show well he wasn't specific it's okay that's what jack nicholson was at the i don't give a fuck stage but i still fuck wow look at that huh unreal he looks like a po boy sandwich hey chris i know i know you're a big nba fan yeah you're a big sports guy but here's the deal though i'm a fan of things and i like like things, and this is a thing. And then also, betting? I'm in. Because in order to get things, you need money. And if you like basketball and you want to make money, you've got to use DraftKings Sportsbooks.

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It's nuts. Okay, well, if you're looking to turn a small bet into a big payday during the NBA playoffs, you could do that with DraftKings? Yep, dude. Same game parlays? You could just do just that? Just that. Create your own parlay by combining multiple bets like which team will win,

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Get $5 on any NBA team to win their game. What do you win, like $6 or what? Dude, and get $150 in free bets if they do it. What? $150? I like your excitement. yeah yeah yeah yeah that's promo code k-a-t-s only at draft king sportsbook minimum age eligibility restrictions apply see show notes for details see next page for directions for disclaimer guys let's take a break let's take a break dude okay i want to talk to you about hello fresh hello fresh dude you get farm, pre-portioned ingredients,

and seasonal recipes delivered right to your doorstep. It's like you're getting the best of the restaurant world and the home world at home. Skip trips to the grocery store. Count on HelloFresh to make home cooking. It's home cooking easy. Yeah, but is it really expensive? Because, dude, I'm strapped. Dude, it's insane.

It's so cheap, it's ridiculous. It's even cheaper than the grocery store. What's up? That's money in your pocket. So you can buy Thick Boy merch and all that stuff and tickets to all our shows. And they have Mediterranean recipes. Oh, dude, have you ever had Mediterranean food? Seriously?

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And let me tell you one thing. America's number one meal kit, guys. It is. And let me tell you another reason why this is good that people don't really think of because you just think of, oh, it's tasty and, oh, it's good, which it is. It is very tasty and good. But, dude, it saves you time. And time is money.

It's money, dude. And here he is. Here he is younger. Here he is younger. Here he is after that Peloton. I guess you have to have a beard to send in a video, I guess. Yeah. What up, King and the Sting in the Wing?

This is Brian from New Jersey. Gang, baby. I've got a King and a Sting for you boys. Drinking your significant other's blood like MGK and Megan Fox. I personally am not down for that. I'm getting married in a month, and if that was a requirement, I'm not sure I'd be able to go through with it. So I want to hear what your boys think about that.

Let me know. Love the show. Gang, gang. Buzz, buzz. Soar. Nice. In Egypt and a lot the show. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz, soar. Nice. In Egypt and a lot of countries, they do, and tribal countries also, they do a lot of that. They do the drinking of the blood.

You swap the blood out. People sip it out of a little goblet. It's unhygienic, huh? I don't know where those two have been either. I don't know what their situation is. Bad news. They're 40. She's 40, right?

Yeah. Like, you're going to drink a 40-year-old's blood? What about fucking, like, 25? You know what I mean? That person's been around. That blood's gross, dude. Yeah. And MGK looks like a twink that came back to being straight.

But drinking MGK's blood, I get it. He's like, you know, what is he, 28, 29? Yeah. Is he? I think so. 31? Yeah, but he's like, you know, what is he, 28, 29? Yeah. Is he? I think so. 31? Yeah, but he's also a touring artist, so he's just as dirty as. Got gross blood, yeah.

But this tells me that you guys have never, you know, maybe went down and licked your girl's pussy when she was on her period. Oh, my. I've never done that. God, dude, what are you? Are you some kind of. What, man? You've been there. Is this not the. Accidentally. I didn't know this was God, dude. What are you? Well. Are you some kind of. What, man? You've been there.

Is this not the. Accidentally. I didn't know this was the Patreon episode. Unbelievable with this. Are you what? He comes out red as shit. Yeah, you've never. You come out red as shit.

I'm not sitting you down there like. Yeah, you are, bro. You may get a little, you know. He puts the head. What did the dude say? You could drink a pint of blood before you get sick. So you. Well, yeah, no,

I don't think going down on someone when they're bleeding, that's very... It's very Roman, I feel like. Yeah, well, you're pretty stationary, Roman. You gotta hit the groaner sometimes. You gotta hit the groaner sometimes. You gotta hit the groaner sometimes.

Can we get like a graphic that goes, oof? No, but... Look, man, what is the guy's, what did he say about it? you gotta hit the groaner sometimes can we get like a graphic that goes oof um no but look man what is the guy's what did he say about it yeah he's just like should you drink other people's blood

is it cool it's something it's a sting obviously it's a sting for all of us it's you know nobody drinks other people's blood and doesn't tell people

about it it's all pretense hey I drank her blood bro I'm fucking badass all I'm saying is you've never like maybe not on purpose but but I've, this has happened to me.

I've, you know. Okay, well, that's different. I'm down there. I'm like, you know, I had a finger in. That's different. Don't do the thing with your tongue. That's disgusting. What's wrong with you, bro?

Disgusting. Disgusting. What's wrong with you, dog? You don't go, you know what I mean? Damn, dog. You got to make noises. You got to, because the buzzing noise helps to, you know what I mean? Damn, dog. You got to make noises. You got to. Because the buzzing noise helps to. You know what I mean?

I don't. You don't make any noises when you eat your girl's pussy? You're just down there like. I go like this. Hmm. Yeah. Oh, interesting. I'll play hold music on my phone.

Now, Theo, do you hold it up like this while you're down there like this? Yeah. God, man. And then in the middle of it, it's like, thank you for holding. This is Jen from Ikea. Just a second, honey. Yeah, I ordered a crack pot. Put me back on hold.

She's almost done. Man, I think, but I will say this. And there were times when it was a rite of passage. If you got married, you took a sip out of each other's blood. It was like a thing. I'm going to take this person into my body. In Arkansas? Huh?

And look it up. You guys have 70 computers. I just looked it up. It said there's thousands of people in the U.S. that drink each other's blood. That means it's not good. Thousands? That's nothing. Talk to me when it's a million.

It's pretense shit. It's not good. Thousands? That's nothing. Talk to me when it's a million. It's pretense shit. It's a lot. Thousands is a lot. If there were thousands of people in here, we couldn't even close the door. Small room. Yeah. Why would you have a thousand people come here? All right.

What's this guy got? What a weird bed set up. Why does he have a bed and then a bed on the floor? Look at every other ski bag on here. Wow. All right. What do you have, boss? Is that Pete Davidson?

My name's Tyler, and I'm enough years old. I'm from Newfoundland, and I got a King Earth thing at Hometown Traditions. When you visit Newfoundland for the first time, you got to get screeched in. It's customary. This is where, like, an old man in a yellow raincoat presents you a shot of screech and a frozen fish and you gotta kiss it on the lips I know it sounds bad but you know you're kind of a bitch if you don't do it yeah king it or sting it or wing it shout out to Chris though next time at the log cabin meeting can I open up with my hot five?

I got a really good five minutes. Thanks. I don't understand. I don't know what the fuck he just said. What the fuck did he just say? Is this guy with UPS? Yeah. This guy's giving him a fish, and he's got a bed on the side of his bed, which is weird.

And he has glasses of a 78-year-old man. So a guy gave him a fish in Newfoundland? It's kind of getting screeched in. You have to watch Saved by the Bell. Like the first season of Saved by the Bell is how you get screeched in. I was wrong. I don't know. Right?

Hey, I can't have a groaner? Fuck all y'all. No, you have a groaner. It's nice. Well, look, the thing is the man said you got to kiss the fish to get into the town or something. So we're going back to eating pussy. I get it. Oh, God.

There's two groaners. How bad is this? Getting screeched in. That's what happens when you're in front of the wing sign. Let me tell you something. What is going on here? No, let me tell you something right now. Any tradition is bad.

You know how many fucking. No. You know how many fucking wars have started just because of tradition? Tradition bad because times change here here this is very anti-religion again here no you can have a tradition for five years and then make a new tradition because it times change no but times change no matter what they don't have nothing to do with it think about it think about all the traditions you would miss out on, dude. Having slaves. Go ahead. A traditional pastime of having. Easter.

Halloween. Christmas. Going to the mall when you're a teenager. Yeah, but that's not a tradition. Having a picnic with your family. That's just shit people do. Chicken cue. Yeah.

Square dancing class when you're in high school. Nothing this Wisconsin book says. Chicken cue? Yeah, yeah what's a chicken queue can you look it up uh it'd be like uh it was a fundraiser and they would just smoke a ton of chicken and you'd get like a seven dollar plate that had baked beans and smoked chicken and the money would go to the church chicken queue okay these are all bad traditions. Like a Sunday brunch. I mean, Halloween's a holiday. No, no, no. Halloween's a holiday.

Fucking Christmas is a holiday. Sure, it's a tradition. I understand. There's a lot of Asian traditions. But when you talk about kissing fish to fucking indoctrinate someone in Newfoundland, that's fucking horseshit. But welcome to town, bub. This is what everybody else has done to be in town. How about just say welcome to town?

That's fine. The tradition of talking, greeting someone is good. Welcome to town. Thank you very much. I'm now part of this town. That's the whole tradition. Bring a bagpipe, whatever, but that's fucking too much. But a bagpipe would be a tradition.

That's what I'm saying. You're making new traditions, Chris. I don't know. You don't like the joy of it, you think? No, I don't like the joy of kissing a fish. A dead fish. Well, it's not about the fish so much as it's about the tradition. The tradition is kissing the dead fish.

No, but the tradition really just represents the camaraderie of that town, no matter what it is. If that town doesn't have camaraderie without kissing a fish, I'm out the town, dude. Some families have tradition, you know? there's a lot of different families have different tradition what they wear different family have traditions mine yeah they're

so annoying yeah my dad's like every every christmas uh every christmas night we read that fucking one where the kids on the train and can't hear the bell oh polar express and i'm like dude i'm 40 now that was awesome up until i was 12. and he still wants to do it yeah your dad come on i thought i know when i'm 75 dude and calvin's that age i'm gonna be doing that too i know i get it's gonna be for him you know what i just realized he'll have long dumb hair too it's for him because tradition if tradition yeah man i think you gotta have Some good traditions Alright well Wait do we have any King and the sting traditions?

Mm-mm Yeah you do You have like The freaking Just being here No there's other White elephant gift swap Yeah

You have a bunch of traditions You do here That's true We have white elephant gift swap We used to have these buzzers Were kind of a thing Yeah Dress up on Halloween

Yeah Tradition And Christmas Dress up Neal gives merch. Tradition. And Christmas. Dress up. Merch for people's birthdays. Boom. Joint birthdays. Yeah. So? Being here. Tradition's good. Eating hot food.

Eating hot food. Eating hot food is definitely not a tradition. I mean super, super spicy food. Yeah. This guy's got one. Can you turn the light down we can still see him what's happening guys is andrew from glasgow glasgow wow i'm just traveling from work i'm a

sober dj in the city center because i can't be fucking trusted to enjoy myself. I'm just wanting to get your opinion on DJing as a job. Is it a really respectable job or not? I'm not all that sure that it is. I like the cash. Yeah. King's thing or Wing It? Not sure what Wing It is, but we'll go for it.

Yeah. Gang Gang, Buzz Buzz, Soar. Wait, I like Buzz, buzz. Soar. I like how he didn't have an accent when he said that. Soar. It's kind of like Asian people at a karaoke place. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah.

We didn't start the fire. No, but it's like they sing in perfect English. Yeah, yeah. When they talk, you don't know what's going on. That's because he hears us say it and he's just imitating us saying it. Oh. Yep. But DJing is a real job if podcasting is a real job.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, there's different levels of DJing and difficulty of DJing. There's some guys that are out there fucking actually doing the shit, and then somebody's out there that go, boom, all right, let's do this, and just let the shit play. Yeah, they're doing this. Right. And that's kind of a party guy.

Yeah, but they make the most money. No, they make money. If you're fucking willing to pay, you know what I mean? What guy what's the what's one of those guys stevie okey yeah stevie okey diplo they make music though they're also producing shit yeah yeah but that's not the point right that's just like you do comedy it has nothing to do with the podcast is he talking about right true okay so is he talking about like uh being a dj at a at a bar mitzvah oh that's that's different that's a real job, though. It's a job, yeah.

That's what I'm saying. Look, man, I'll tell you this. We had a fella in our town named John was his name, and he was the DJ, dude. There's Diplo right there on This Past Weekend if you ever enjoy

that beautiful show. But what I'm saying is we had a fella named John was his name. John L. And he was our DJ. He DJ'd it all. Wedding, funeral,

school dance, high school dance. Dances. Because everything was at the same building. Well, whatever he did, he was the man, right? So he became like this kind of like, he almost became an encyclopedia of things that had happened in the town. So there was a lot of value in that. Because you'd be like, oh, play the song you played at this thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he kind of was this community. Yeah, this music man. And he also was dating half the girls that were at all the events. DJs are swimming it, right? They swim in it, dude. DJs just swim in it. They're the new.

But when was this? This was, let me see, probably 90s. Imagine that guy now. He'd be dead. I mean, he'd be dead. If he was doing it, if he was swimming back then, he'd be swimming now. He would drown, dude. I mean, DJs get, I mean.

It was John L's loud music. That was his company. John L's loud music? Yep. LLC. Is that a groaner or is that real? It's just, we call that a Theo. Oh, that's a,

I mean, I went to probably 60 dances that he did. 60? Tootsie Roll. Yeah, son. I fucking went to all those shit, dude. What was your go-to move when you're out on the dance floor? Oh, my thing would be, oh, close your eyes, I got you something. If I was dancing.

Oh, dance or hit on a girl? Yeah, dance. What was your dance? What would you do out there on the dance floor? What was the close your eyes, I got you something? That was for the girls. Yeah. I would say close your eyes, I got you something.

That sounds very creepy. Close your eyes. You put your dick in their mouth? Like, what do you do? You're disgusting, dude. Okay? You made it sound like. I would say, put your hand out.

Then you put your dick in your hand. Huh? Then you put your dick in your hand. Then I would give them a little smooch on them. So, you're fucking sleeping beauty. A smooch on the hand? On the face. So, you say, close your eyes and get an unconsensual kiss from me.

Yeah, put your hand out. It wasn't. It was if you knew there was some. Yeah, it was a pack, right unconsensual kiss from me. Yeah, put your hand out. It wasn't. It was if you knew there was some. Yeah, it was a pack, right? That was an understanding, yeah. Yeah. Until later, she was like, and then he kissed me. I didn't even ask him.

Yeah, and sometimes I grow up like, hey, yeah, that's not my vibe. I want to know how you danced. What was your dance move? Oh, I did a lot of different type of James Brown type of stuff. I was more like hips and legs. Oh, wow, really? That tick-tock, a little bit of that Elvis Presley. Okay.

I used my whole body. What about you? I was, you know, keep it smooth. Oh, you was that tight, smooth. Already doing the old black guy dance. Yeah. Already doing the old black guy dance. Okay.

What a minute. Oh, I'm still catching up. And they would look at you and they'd be like, wow, you're going to live a long time because I can imagine you doing that as an older guy. Yeah. Yeah, that dance don't die they'd be like, well, you're going to live a long time because I can imagine you doing that as an older guy. Yeah. Yeah, that dance don't die young. It don't die, baby.

Man, and we had square dancing too, I remember, in school. Oh, brother. We had to take square dancing class. That was part of your electorate? No, it was just part of growing up. I think there was three years of square dancing. Did you guys have it? Square dancing, no.

You took three years of square dancing at high school? No. It's pretty much a year and you know it.? Square dancing, no. You took three years of square dancing at high school? No. It's pretty much a year and you know it. I'm in square dancing AP. If you were on the swarm team, they had like a- The who team? It was swarm. It was like square dancing swarm.

It was like the DeAndre, without the drugs or somebody. It was like the Willie Gaults of square dancing. It was people that could square dance. Like that could really square, like a job. That's their job or they go, they win. It was the best of them. They could be a reality show about it. But they had square dancing.

I mean, we had three, yeah, we had three, three years we had to do square dancing, you know? Really? Yeah. Jesus Christ. It was an elective, right? I mean, it wasn't like math, English, square dancing. No, it was MPE and it was twice a week and we had square dancing. No, it was MPE, and it was twice a week, and we had square dancing.

Oh, okay. Well, P-E, okay, at least it's active. But that's hilarious. Wasn't the music just, like the real square dancing? I think it was. Bring your partner around, pull out your dick and stick it. We can't, we can't. Oh, yeah, that's true.

Yeah, it was like, well, they had the caller, you know, and some of them would even get a collar on certain holiday, or around holiday in spring, especially, to get a collar, and they're a real collar. Ooh, so I wonder if that's still a thing. Is that like being a DJ, a square dance collar? I don't know. It's probably like an original DJ. Yeah.

Oh, I like it. Yes, that's it. And sometimes you would get crossed up finally with a girl you liked and you were just so excited. You had to go get some water. That's nice. Why, because you were nervous? Yeah.

Yeah, why not? What else do you think it would be? I wouldn't miss a woman because of sheer thirst, baby nerves. God, I remember that that this guy got one okay what's up guys i'm joe from indianapolis big fan of you all i have a king it or sting it amen for you um inspired by a friend of mine who may be a bigger fan than me hit me up to all you guys loves all you guys. So much that his girlfriend now wife thought he was the funniest guy

in the world until she started listening to your podcast and realized that's where all the jokes come from. Me? This is something he does that I make fun of him for all the time. I think it's the girliest shit in the world. It's crossing your legs above

your knee. Nah, they gotta do that. That's kink shit. That's kink shit. crossing your legs above your knee. Oh. No, they got to do that. That's king shit. That's king shit. There is actually footage of the Burger King guy doing it. That's king shit.

To do that shit? To be so comfortable like this? That's king shit, dude. He's not a real king, though. The Burger King guy? But if you do this... It's just a title. If you do this,

some people, this is a crazy thing that I see is when people do this, like they do music, like a cricket. Like on the couch or just up suspended in air. Just like this. They just sit like that. Can you believe a cricket does this?

This is, think how crazy they are. Yeah. It does mating shit? Yeah. That's what makes that noise, right? Imagine you just... Yeah.

Yeah, they're playing basically back that thing up every time they do it. So who does that kind of shit? It's a magic when it gets you. It's been a catch you on the bed, yeah. Back that thing up. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's a cricket DJ right here. Oh, yeah. That's a cricket DJ right here.

Oh, yeah. That's a cricket DJ right here. Are you ready to get this party started? Maybe one of those. Can they want it? Maybe one of those. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

That has to be the picture for the episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100%. But that's crazy to have your own music, your own sound. You're the DJ right there, and it's in your quads. That's crazy to have your own music, your own sound. You're the DJ right there, and it's in your quads. That's nice. That's like Eric when he drives home, just singing the shit. You sing shit by yourself, yeah.

That's how it sounds. I play karaoke in my car. Pretty lit, actually. On the screen, the words come up, you know what I mean? And I'm just like, Unbreak my heart, say you love me again. Just fucking, undry these tears here's what I will say

to this man is uh I think it's okay to put your legs like that I used to think I had to sit a certain comfortable way you know

this is better for your back when you it's silly yeah it makes sense like I remember when I was like 16 I would just sit like this. You know, I thought that that's how just guys are supposed to sit. It's good to sit up straight, though.

You know? Not like that. Yeah, but not like you're trying to fight everybody. Like, Phil sits like this all the time. What, bitch? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What, fool? What, motherfucker?

What, fool? Yeah. You just stay ready? What'd you say about whites? But, oh, man, y'all wildin' out, bro. Y'all wildin' out bro Y'all wildin' out man But you gotta do this Or sit up straight

Or dude Fucking rock it man Cause that shows You're comfortable enough To be like Yeah I know people think That when you sit like this You got a small dick

But I don't have a small dick dude Yeah but when you sit like this It feels like you're about to Say something poignant You know Well That's when you sit like this And you go

Say some poignant shit You can't do And you have your hands here That's what you can't do I don't think Oh I like it I want to sit like this All I don't think. And you have your hands here. That's what you can't do, I don't think. Oh, I like it. I would sit like this all day long. I watch a sporting event. You have your hands here, then you go.

I watch a sporting event. You guys have seen this. This is therapy shit. Yes. The therapist goes like this. So, Chris, tell us. Tell us about your day. Tell us about why you, whatever.

Or then you go like this and a bird comes and lands on your finger. That's what this feels like. That's king shit. That's king shit. That goes a long way from that, though. You know what I mean? Yeah, it goes a long way from that. But yeah, I think give your guy, don't give him a hard time, because I've even seen people

that don't have any legs, and they will take one of their prosthetic legs and put it up on the other one like that. Wow. That's a bit. You hang around with a lot of like. Amputees, right? Yeah. Just to be honest.

Yeah. That's in his cult right there. Amps, they call them first of all. They call them amps. A lot of amputees do. What Yeah. Just to be honest. Yeah. That's in his cult right there. Amps, they call them first of all. They call them amps? A lot of amputees do. What up, Amps? Hello, Amps. Hello, Amps.

Where my amps at? That's not a slur. It will be. I don't think it is. It will be. It will be. Huh? It will be.

What up, my amps? They don't clap because they have no hands. Are y'all out here? Let me know y'all here Let me know y'all Where my amps at? I'm just gonna trust you're here I don't hear anything

But now that I realize what I asked I'm just gonna trust that you're all here Let's get down to business You're the one guy out there You're like Where my amps at? He's going out one hand You're the one guy out there You're like Oh He's going out one hand He slaps himself

He's going like this We're terrible I'm not Hey guys I'm a big fan Especially of Theo Vaughn and Chris D'Elia I was just wondering What you guys think Of smoking on your lunch break King it or sting it Especially of Theo Vaughn and Chris D'Elia. Nice. I was just wondering. Eric's feelings hurt. What you guys think of smoking on your lunch break?

King it or sting it. Okay. I do live in an illegal state, but I be working with dogs. They be irritating the shit out of me. I'm not going to lie. I don't think I could make it through the day without it. Smoking, yeah. I just wanted your guys' opinions.

What do you mean illegal? Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. Sore. Nice. Smoking, yeah. I just wanted your guys' opinions. What do you mean illegal? Gang, gang, buzz, buzz, sore. Nice. Smoking inside. Oh, and it's illegal. Here's the thing. If there was 20 people here, then you could call out two. Okay?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yes. You can call out two. But when it's only four, three regular hosts, and then I don't even know what, you know, you don't call out two. But just in her defense and your defense, she did not know you're here. So maybe she's like, I would have said Eric, but I don't even know if he's there.

Maybe she just fucking hates Brendan. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I'm just trying to help you. He's not here. He probably won't listen to this. She really just said, fuck you, Brendan. That's what she just said. I don't know, dude.

Yeah, I think it's stupid that weed is really illegal anywhere. And if you're going to be responsible about it, she looks like she's responsible. You just do it on your smoke break. I mean, that being said, if you do work at a company, the company doesn't want you high. So it might be legal to do. It might be illegal to do. I think that that's stupid. You should still do it anyway because it's just weed.

But if you're at work, it's a little fucking, as Brendan would say, dicey because you wouldn't necessarily want to... By the way, too, it's like when you're at a casino and they allow smoking. I fucking hate that. Not everybody smokes. Because they don't want you to go outside. That's why. I know. You know what I always do around my crap table

when people are smoking? I fart. Oh, dude. I'm talking about this. I'm talking about like, I'm talking about, I push one out. I want them to hear. Just shit. And I want motherfuckers to look at me like, did you just fart? Yeah, bitch.

Because y'all smoking. Yeah. So how about, smell that. Smell this. You're lucky I didn't shit. You're lucky. That's God's cigarette, baby, that fart. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dude, that's great. That's my ass pipe. That's great. That's great, dude. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, that's great, man. That's my ass pipe. That's great. That's great, dude. Yeah. You know what, dude? You're one of my guys, man. That's fucking huge, man.

There it is. So someone smokes, and you just, now we're even. Yeah, yeah. So there's a level playing field. Yeah, yeah. You don't like that smell? That's what I don't like. Yeah, yeah.

Okay. And my fart ain't going to cause cancer. There's no such thing as called secondhand fart. Nobody ever talks about secondhand fart. Which is the only, yeah, which is, I think it's, people get secondhand fart all the time because that's how people know somebody farted. Right. But there's no like, is it causing, look it up.

Secondhand farting. Information team. There'll be a commercial in a few years. Research team. My husband died of secondhand farting. I will be be a commercial in a few years research team my husband died of secondhand farting I left it under the sheets every morning

he would get up and dutch up in his ass and now he's not around but there's like a class action lawsuit in 20 years have you been farted dear yeah

and now she farts out of the side of her fucking cause she had the surgery bro the colostomy bag no she farts you know how people

smoke out of the fucking she farts she shits out of the side like a colostomy bag and No, she farts at the same time. You know how people smoke out of the fucking... Right, right. She farts. She shits out of the side like a colostomy bag, bro. And her voice still goes, I don't know why I'm talking like this. Do y'all do farts in y'all's marriage or not? Oh, yeah.

I fart. Oh, yeah. What are you talking about? I fart. No, the problem is that she farts. That's the problem. You think that's a problem? Yeah, when you get close to a girl.

It's not good when a girl farts. When a guy farts, it's manly. When a girl farts, it's manly. So it's a bit... Yeah. It's dis good when a girl farts. When a guy farts, it's manly. When a girl farts, it's manly. Yeah. So it's a bit, yeah. It's disconcerting. Wait, wait, didn't that say secondhand fart smell could be good for you? Yeah. It could provide some I'm helping you, motherfucker. Prevent heart disease

and kidney failure. But damn, the man said what is he saying? The cigarette smoke? Was he not saying? No, she was saying that smoking weed on your lunch. Oh, look, first of all, a lunch, yeah, if lunch might might for some people weed is lunch they don't even eat all they do is smoke weed and they're gonna probably die soon so some people they want to just smoke man they want to just get that that bronchial brunch baby

that lunch for your lung son that's what they want that weed bronchial brunch that's gonna be the name of your weed company you'll see some brothers just have a fucking joint for breakfast, bro, and they fucking roll on, and they said, I'm cool. I know, but the skinny dudes. Some skinny dudes do that, don't they? Yeah, bro. But the thing is, it's where you do it. Don't be doing smoking shit where other people are there.

Not everybody's in the weed. But I think she's just talking about doing it at lunch and then going back to work high. And you got to be wild. And you got to be wild. But you got to be wild if you're working around a bunch of dogs, secondhand dogs, thirdhand dogs. She works with dogs? To be getting high and going around a bunch of – it depends on where you are. If you're in like Narragansett or somewhere, that might be safer. But if you're in Memphis and you're at the damn dog kennel, I don't know if I'd be getting gassed up and rolling up on a post

one time I would like a video submission of like it's like her boss and she's like hey yeah I'm a fan of King and the Sting and I saw one of my employees getting high at lunch so I fired her so this is just like a cautionary tale

for people out there sending in submissions of like drinking and driving. Right, right, right, right, right, right. You know what I mean? Drinking people's blood. Drinking people's blood. Maybe don't fucking do that. We need a PSA.

Yeah, man. Looking for orphans. I know. Hi, are you doing something really stupid? Don't send that in as a video if you're doing it at work. Yeah, yeah. But the big question for this. Did you build a house?

Somebody who doesn't build houses? And that was from the Patreon episode. That was from the Patreon episode. Yes, you got to watch the Patreon episode. Go sign up right now to go check it out. Patreon.com, Cats Plus. The biggest question is, it seems like overall, is that this man, sorry, this young lady- Yeah, you said that like three times now.

It was so long ago, though. Because it's always- It's been 20 minutes. It was the nose rings. The problem is that a lot of people, if you don't smoke, you don't get that break. If you're just standing around having a little whipped cream or a little cut of pie or something at work, they'll get on your ass. But if you want to go outside and have a cigarette, you get that extra time. Very interesting point.

There's always been an issue with smokers and non-smokers at restaurants. Why do they get to go out? I want a pie break. Right. Yeah. I want six minutes to go sit outside by the dumpster and just have a snack. Or just even, how about think? Can I have my think break? No. Can I go smoke?

You got it. Wait, I don't think that's real. Are you telling me that other than your scheduled 10-minute break, you get an extra smoke break? No, no, no. We're joking. You need that. No. Most probably, we didn't have no 10-minute break.

We just said, hey, can I go have a smoke break? And so at a certain point in the night at the restaurant, you go get a smoke break in. But if you were just like, hey, I just want to go have a break, and you didn't smoke, you'd have to go hide in the shitter and eat a piece of pie or huff down a piece of cake. The best way to eat pie, honestly, while you're shitting. Well, we'd stay in there. We didn't smoke, you'd have to go hide in the shitter and eat a piece of pie or, you know, huff down a piece of cake. The best way to eat pie, honestly, while you're shitting. Well, we'd stay in there. We didn't shit and eat.

Wow. Shitting and eating at the same time is insane. You just stay there forever. It never stops. Is it insane? You just keep eating and shitting and eating and shitting. No, because that would mess

with your whole smell thing. Like, yeah, no shit. That's what we're saying. I'm just asking. Y'all saying it so serious. Yeah, don't fuck, dude, bro. Don't freaking come down on him because he don't know what's happening. Okay, okay.

I don't know what's happening with you guys. You have some weird shit going on. Yeah, he has whipped cream breaks. Like, I don't know where the fuck. He's eating damn blood labia. Both of you guys, you fucking with blood all over your face, being like, to the bathroom, and he's eating pie on the shitter. Yeah.

Are you done? I need to wash my face. The two fucking, the worst roommates ever. Chris is just on the couch like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are you guys doing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hope it's not fun.

And the Lord doesn't exist. He might, he might. He's not fun. And the Lord doesn't exist. He might. He might. He's coming around. What up, king of the sting in the wing? This is Zach from Charlotte, North Carolina. And I got a king it or a sting it for you. Wearing traditionally feminine things or clothing items or jewelry as a straight guy.

I coach high school baseball, so I hear it all the time. I'm sure they make fun of you. I hear that they make fun of it all the time, the fact that I wear this butterfly necklace. But I think the fact that most straight guys wouldn't wear a butterfly necklace is the reason I should wear a butterfly necklace. So I guess that's a statement, if you want to call it that. It's a statement, yeah.

Anyway, yeah, King it or Sting it. Big fan of all of you. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. I think that's cool. That is actually pretty feminine. I mean, that butterfly, it's like pink. Yeah, but he's also like a, he's an attractive guy. Yeah, right.

So he's getting away with all kind of shit. You get what I'm saying? Yes, I do. Like, it's not like me saying this fair point you know i mean if i got a butterfly like what y'all think about butterfly things yeah but this guy's like really attractive so you know there's no rules for a guy that looks like that they're not they're not teasing him because he has a butterfly nexus they're teasing him because he's got like fucking you know right because he's because he's a good looking dude and he can get it

so what would they tease you about then say again what would they tease you about it'd be different that's what he's saying i don't know and that's a good recognition you want me to go back to my childhood trauma and i'm sitting here just like and then they used to call me that'd be a good wreck that's a good recognition what you're doing but because the problem with this guy is if he put on a wig he would still be beautiful if he put on a woman. He's fine. Let's just be honest.

Right, so he can be both man and woman if he wants to. He's got that luxury. He's got an androgynous sort of like upper eye area. And that's called a luxury.

That's called a luxury. So what is he talking about? So he's got that He just do swimming and pussy for sure. Maybe. I mean he should. Look, you want to do it?

Do it. It's not like he's exactly fucking Jared Leto over there carrying his head doing something outlandish. But, you know, he's doing what he wants. If he carried his fucking mannequin head of his at the fucking softball game in high school, he'd get fired. Real second ago. Go, go, go, go, go, go.

Holding his head. Making this one do it. But he can get a good dude. I guess what we're playing today, guys, a doubleheader. The best runner of the fucking episode. This guy could be easily, yeah, this dude is too, he's too good looking. He could be man or woman. Yeah.

So it's okay. What I'm saying is. Right. He could wear a fishnet. He could wear a choker if he wants. Right, right. They're not teasing him because it's feminine. They're teasing him because he can get away with it.

Wow. Very interesting, dude. I like get away with it. Right. Wow. Very interesting, dude. I like your analysis of this, Eric. Yeah. I really like your analysis. It's true. If Eric puts that bitch on, people are going to be like, damn, who's this little pudding pop over here?

You know? Here we go. Here we go, everybody. Yeah. No, I'm just saying, who's this little nature channel fuck bear over here? Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

Other people can. I think the two examples are good. You shoot him. Put him down. Okay. I think that we've established. Okay. Yeah. Other people too. I think the two examples are good. You shoot him. Put him down. Okay. I think that we've established. We've established it.

Get the flamethrower. Char him up. Right? Yeah. Who want that grilled biscuit? Fuck him and char him. Nick, Nick.

What's the next one? That's all we got. We're stuck on this one. Well, chrisalea.com. I will be in Atlanta, Boston, Denver. I will be in a bunch of different places. Jacksonville,

Savannah, Georgia. Amazing places. So go check. I got ChrisAlea.com, Cheyenne, Wyoming. And I am at Riffin' with Griffin. So check me out there. Check out my podcast too. My tour dates are out. I haven't put the new ones up my podcast too. And you know, I had my tour dates where I haven't put

the new ones up yet because I don't even know when this is coming out. Amen, baby. And I'll be actually coming up in Albuquerque, New Mexico

on May 16th or May 18th. Midland, Texas. Midland, Texas. Lubbock, Texas. Dallas, Texas. Those are all in May. Savannah.

Savannah, Georgia. Augusta, Georgia. Montgomery, Alabama. And Columbus, Georgia. Those are all in Hollywood. Fort Myers. Early Georgia. Augusta, Georgia. Montgomery, Alabama. And Columbus, Georgia. Those are all in early June. I'm going to be in Fort Myers, too. I got a bunch. Lakeland, Florida.

Just look at it. Guys, you don't got to fight about it. Nah, just because I forget. And then they pull his up. And then I'm like, ah, fuck. But, you know. TheoVon.com slash tour. And thank you guys so much for the support, baby.

Go see both of us. And support Brendan. Check out his... Brendan's not here. So check out his special. Oh, yeah. Check out Brendan's special. Oh, Washington, D.C. That support, baby. Go see both of us. And support Brendan. Check out his – Brendan's not here, so check out his special. Oh, yeah. Check out Brendan's special. Oh, Washington, D.C. That one, too.

I'll be there. Oakland, Stockton. You know. Interesting. All right. Well, dude, tour buddies. These are more – Tour bros.

His places are more bougie than your places. Well, I do have Stockton and Oakland there if I make it out alive. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. People are in my comments. See, Theo's tour is for the people. You know what I'm saying? Glasgow.

Yeah. Mine are for the cult, the exclusive cult. Yeah. You can't get in. You can't get in unless you have a tattoo. I hope you guys can get tickets. He just made everybody go, oh, shit. I got a fucking big strike I can get in there.

All right. You guys take care of yourselves. God bless everybody, dude. We made it the whole show. Good timing. It's the king and the sting. Back up in the sting. I just got a call that said they want to end the ring.

They got me working OT all night long. How many times I got to make this song? Hey, hold on. What is this? Now y'all want to switch? Y'all just added Stevie and Eric and now y'all adding Chris? How's that going to fit? Wait, I get the gist.

I just probably have to slow it down and hit it like this. It's the king, the wing, and the sting. It's the wing and the king and the sting. Hold on, hold on. Hold on, wait a minute. Let me think. It's the king and the sting and the wing. Let's go. This message comes from NPR sponsor, Grammarly. Get to the point faster and accomplish more with Grammarly. Go to Grammarly.com slash podcasts to sign up for a free account. And when you're ready to upgrade to Grammarly Premium, get 20% off for being an NPR listener.

That's G-R-A-M-M-A-R-L-Y dot com slash podcasts.