The Golden Hour - Episode 175: Fake Clout Babies

Episode Date: May 20, 2022

The guys talk postal workers worst fears, Mexican mistletoes, dogs of the world, who they'd eat if they had to, inner city raccoons, stealing water from your neighbors, Arby's deer meat, what pets they'd eat, Netflix is a Joke shows, their morning routines and much more!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

If, you know, Armageddon comes and, you know, it's either eat each other, so I'm gonna eat Theo's ass first, or I'm eating Nick's pooch. I'm probably going pooch, then your ass. Are you really? Yeah, I'm eating your ass first, daddy. Ugh. Like a chocolate rabbit on Easter. Chen, what will you have, Chen? Our market looks pretty tasty right now.

I don't know, I'd go with something small, dog. One of y'all's dicks. Dang, dog. One of y'all's dicks. Bang! Boy! You ever met this guy? Oh, I'm the dumb one. You can't argue. There's something about me. You have no idea what you're saying.

Gang, gang. Buzz, buzz. Sure. What kind of day is it? It's a day to celebrate because we're finally together, dude. Been a long run. I miss you, brother. Good to see you today, man. How are you doing, man?

Doing good, dude. You look tanner, huh? Oh, thanks, man. I feel good. I've just been out in the sun. I saw a guy on the road when I was driving who was um uh getting flowers off the interstate i did that you did really yep and i didn't have he didn't have change so i just gave him 100 buckaroos said how much does this get me he gave me like six dozen flowers but what do you mean for mother's day brought it home to my my mother-in-law my girl. Six dozen flowers. He ran in traffic, man.

He earned it. Earned it. Dangerous. I saw a guy who had pulled over on the side of the road. He was getting flowers off the side of the interstate. He was getting... Like he saw him driving by. Like digging up plants and stuff or getting plants, you know?

Well... Are those free plants? I think so. No. Right? On the road? If it's like on a government establishment, you probably can't have those. It's like ditch onions.

Yeah, I guess. I just don't know what the rules are. What is the rule? If there's dandelions, can I just grow up and grab them? Can you get interstate plants? Interstate plants? Hey, if Chin's acting all different today, it's only a matter of time before Chin leaves us. Chin has a live concert tonight, and he's all nervous about it.

Well, Chin always looks like he's about to perform on a cruise ship. Yeah. It's not unusual to be loved by anyone. What do we got here? Can you take plants? Oh, I put plants. You put plants. Let me see.

Can you take plants? Public parks. Go to public parks. Vegetable plants. Don't put corporate plants. Let me see. Can you take plants from- Public parks. Go to public parks. Vegetable plants. Don't put- No, why vegetables, dude? Like corporate plants. Well, no, you can grab carrots and shit unless it's on somebody's actual property.

It is illegal to collect wild plants in national parks, national monuments, national forests, state parks, most local parks, along highway rights of the way without a permit. So the highway's illegal. Whoa, whoa, whoa, Brendan. You're just saying a bunch of sounds, dude. it's illegal to collect wild plants in national parks that's chavism national monuments national forest state parks and most local parks along highways right away without a permit it says it's uh usually usually against the law where's it say usually oh it does it's usually against the law. Where does it say usually? Oh, it does.

It's usually. There's a lot of wiggle room there. Yeah. Just go to the flower shop, though, you know? How long do you want to pretend that you're dead broke? How long do you want to do that? Bro, I didn't do it. I saw a guy.

I was driving. There's a guy, one of your neighbors out here, who is borrowing interstate plants, foliage. I mean, it's the thought that counts. Were they nice flowers or was it like bullshit? I couldn't know. I was doing probably 68, man, and one of my tires is low. So it's the visual I was getting was definitely had a filter on it. Welcome to my life. It's called CT, Bubba.

What? Yeah, welcome to my life. Is it? Yeah, the lenses are a little blurred for me oh we know yeah we know that baby um yeah you look tan dude thanks man i feel good i was just working out outdoors yesterday here's a call we got a call right here from a guy do you feel weird that it's just you and me right now? I don't think so. No, me neither. It feels nostalgic. It feels right. It feels right.

It feels good. The boys are back in town. It definitely feels easier, I feel like. It feels more relaxing. This is where you flourish. Yeah, because there's less people. Yeah. There's less personalities to navigate.

They're singing Chris's fucking... I would say at moments I was noticing some frustration of Theo about to begin a story and repeatedly getting cut off. If I just had to look at your facial expression. Sometimes. I'd say probably. It feels sometimes like there's not a lot of room. But you got two big personalities that used to, you know, it's like we were just it was it was two brothers and they bring home, you know, two more more fucking kids and we're not getting the same attention. Yeah, feral orphans.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they brought home a big tall bird and a half black guy. And we're like, oh, yeah, guess what? And very light on the half black. Let's don't give Eric much black. I mean, I respect that he's genetically claiming you know you know is claiming black no there's more cream than black coffee in his it's more like half white half i feel like senior citizen

that's fair you know but detroit senior citizen you know what i'm saying like a little bit of uh um he reminds me who does eric remind me of sometimes he reminds me of a professor i think that's easy it's like because of the glasses but yeah the teacher he's always trying to educate us but a driver's ed is try as well that's true because he's always trying to educate us always trying to give us a different perspective yeah do you have snacks in that jacket it looks like you you're carrying some stuff just uh you look like you sell the worst kratom on venice beach You look like you sell the worst kratom on Venice Beach Really? Hey

You ever try this kratom? Yeah Who wants a bag of that kratom, baby? Alright, what's this dude want, Nick? This guy obviously is doing pretty well for himself Is this for Halloween? Or this guy's always real postal, huh? What up, King of the Team?

I got you a trailer park hack So as a mailman, we got rubber bands. Gang, baby. We got rubber bands. Hell yeah. Rubber bands. Rubber band, man.

So, we don't got the money bands. Mm-hmm. So, we can't afford belts. So... You've been there. So, I don't know. You guessed it. Rubber bands.

Yeah. Work fucking great. Theo Theo got you one right here baby invest in something call out your boy can't be worse than that you tried that's a touchy subject you're welcome

gang baby I respect this guy, dude. The hustle? First of all, working for the postal system still, you know? Because remember, postal became a term. It used to be a job, and then it became going postal, man, shooting up something. Yeah, going postal, yeah. You know?

And it was like at that time to still be like, you know what? I'm going to ride this out. I think that's valiant, man. This dude is a real King Arthur right here. And he's going door to door, dropping off your mail, dealing with dogs. That's their number one enemy is dogs. Is it still? Yeah, man. Rottweilers,

little chihuahuas. Look that up, Jim. What's the most danger for postal workers? Type in how many postal workers are attacked by dogs every year. It's surprising. I feel like that's not what we're looking for. I feel like what we're looking for is what is the most danger for them. Because you're saying it's dogs. I don't know if It's surprising. I feel like that's not what we're looking for. I feel like what we're looking for is what is the most danger for him

because you're saying his dogs. I don't know if his dogs. I feel like- What else would it be? Inclement weather, other animals. Raccoons, first of all, are way more prevalent than dogs are. There's way more raccoons than dogs.

No, sir. That's not, no. Okay. I'm talking about trash pandas. They mentioned dogs here. What- Fear of dogs. 10% of postal employees listed No, sir. That's not. No. Okay. I'm talking about trash pandas. They mentioned dogs here. What? Fear of dogs. 10% of postal employees listed as the thing they fear most on the job is dogs.

10%. I know it's not that much. Hey, go down to Winston's. How many postal workers get bit by dogs? Click on that, Chin. It says people also ask. Click on that. 1%.

That's light, bro. My bad. How much issue is's oh that's light bro how much is a real problem how much issue is raccoons with postal workers there we go there's raccoons all over the world hell yeah bro raccoon is native to north america and can be found throughout the u.s i was trying to find out if there are more dogs or raccoons still working on it there's dogs brendan you don't know that man yeah i do dude trash pandas how many how many dogs you see today what is today tuesday i haven't seen any oh wait actually that's not true i saw three dogs this morning this lady this old lady was walking these dogs and dude these dogs looked so i don't think this lady could see because these dogs look bad, bro.

Meaning like malnourished? One of them looked like he didn't know how to eat anymore, bro. And she was still taking him out there, walking him. And she was just kind of... It was like two of them kind of dang, like just like nudging the other one. Like the last one. Trying to help him out. Yeah, just on its last limb, bro.

There's a... What is that? It's a pygmy raccoon. Oh, damn, huh? There's less than a thousand of those. But he's like the small one. Yeah. And can they cut their nails so they don't mess up the furniture?

Look, there's one in the city right there. Wow. Raccoon in the city. How much raccoons are there? You guys can't get this intel, right? Astonishing surge over the last 80 years. Dogs are 900 million. That's not even close, fellas.

Come on. How many people have pet fucking trash pandas? Think about it. Well, bro, think about Mother Nature. She's the ultimate pet owner. And she has as many as she wants, dog. You have a good point. And they know how to hide.

They're basically mother nature's witness protection program 20 million nick what is it nick took you down said 20 million you did yes 20 million how many what are the united states what animal is it trash pandas oh yeah i did say 20 million in the world global population might be 20 million in north america there's 900 million dogs who's david though why does he know he's a professor yeah political science no it says trash panda expert cool he's not a professor he just he he registered as a he has a um political science raccoons are political so north dakota political science though dude says the population might push to 50 million at some point

it's not even close let's say he's off by 100 let's say he million at some point. It's not even close. Let's say he's off by 100. Let's say he's off by 500 million. It's not even close. I don't believe there's 900 million dogs in the world. That sounds insane, bro. What? It would be a freaking epidemic, dog.

That's a no from me, dog. That's a no from me, dog. What up, King Sting and the Wing fans? Let's take a moment and talk about DraftKings. The NBA playoff action is nonstop, and DraftKings Sportsbook, an official sports betting partner of the NBA, this week. New customers can bet just $5, y'all. You hear what I said? You bet just $5 on any team to win and get $150 in free bets.

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promo code cats at liquidiv.com experience better hydration today at liquidiv.com promo code cats stay hydrated chin yeah come on what i'm on is this not obvious as shit i mean that's right Liquidiv.com. Promo code CATS. Stay hydrated. Chin. Yeah. Come on. What? 900 million? Is this not obvious as shit? I mean, it says it right there.

People are definitely clipping in that number a little too. You know what I'm saying? The old dine and dash, baby. You know what I'm talking about. It is true, though. They do eat dogs and creole, which sucks. Of course it is. But not a lot of people.

But it doesn't suck if you have nothing to eat. Yeah, that's your thing. I mean, if you're poor. But still, you shouldn't kill dogs for meat. Dude, when I grew up, people was eating all kind of stuff, bro. Like what? People would eat rabbit. People would eat armadillo meat.

Ooh, a little armadillo jerky? Yeah, what else did they have? Something was really unique that they had. I saw recently somebody eat. Put an armadillo on the grill. Looks like a little artichoke or something. Dove. I'd see a couple brothers grilling up a dove all the time, rats of the sky are they doves that's what i call them

they're peace birds aren't they pigeons pigeons are rats of the sky doves are beautiful huh yeah pull up a dove they're just you know why they call them beautiful because they're white well i'm sick of people beating down on asian people for eating dogs like if you live in a country where dogs don't you know here dogs have a lot of rights they have opportunities they have television shows you know give them land they got movies they're running networks in other countries dogs is just bro you know what i'm saying that's just a little dinner you know that's just a dinner with a little neck brace on it or a little wall. What's it called?

Choker. Yeah, a little choker. Electric choker. Here we put different things. We dress them up. We put the address on it. It's named. It's like fluffy 212 Brooks Avenue.

We put chips in them. They put on add cumin on the freaking neck. Like, damn. Okay. And this is the wrong. That's survival. I know it's i'm not hating on it man you gotta do what you gotta do the second the electricity goes out dude every wham-a-ron are in this fucking country's gonna be on the grill oh i'll barbecue up nick's little

fucking pooch right now people want to act like oh i would just stay here forever with my dog there's a guy whose wife left him and he was making love to a dog on all youtube they left it up for sure yeah sure and that's in a park that's in a city park and here's the thing if if you know armageddon comes and you know we it's either eating each other so i'm gonna eat theo's ass first or i'm eating nick's pooch i'm probably going pooch then your ass are you really yeah i mean you asked, daddy. Like a chocolate rabbit on Easter. You ain't getting none of this, bro. I'll eat my own ass

before I die then. You ain't getting none of this, you pervert. Bullshit, I'm going to hold you down, dog. Chint, what will you have, Chin? My mark looks pretty tasty right now. Okay. That looks like tough meat.

Does it? Yeah. I like lean meat though gmo and shit i don't know i'd go with something small dog one of y'all's dicks oh you're looking for that footlong brat daddy give it up that footlong i see what you're doing you got that four inch round son you got that four-inch round, son. You got that discontinued Subway. Bro, when did they get rid of the four-inch round? That's when life changed, bro.

Because then you couldn't go into Subway and just get that little daddy to roll out. You talking about that little saucer sandwich? Yeah. Yeah. That bitch. God damn, son. Subway's still popping, though. I think Jared, with all his shit, and then you dated his sister.

I didn't date his sister. It was like two. I met his sister once at night. You met her at a dinner and talked to her for quite some time. Well, call it what you will, brother. The guy alleged. Did he do that, Jared? Did they bust him or not?

Oh, he's in prison, my man. Yeah, yeah. Do you think, what percentage of fake pedophiles are in prison, do you think, honestly? Negative 50%. I think they're all, you know, it's kind of. If you molested your own kids, you think you would call the cops on yourself or not? We got another trailer park hack right here. This guy's got one.

All right. Thank you, Nick. This is Travis from Ohio, and I heard y'all were looking for some trailer park hacks hacks he's a star tight end for the niners so you might not have running water some of us broke people don't i finally do now i got well water so you can't see it so you hook a hose up to your spigot nothing better not spigot you d-gen you get an adapter so you can hook a second hose up okay you hook that to your neighbor's hose, you turn their water on. Too much work. You open yours, and guess what?

Pushes water right through your house like you got running water. Yeah. Reduce pressure, but at 2 a.m., nobody's going to know you're out there doing dishes, filling buckets to flush the toilet, flush the toilet, and doing laundry. So, you're welcome. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz, soar. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wow. Does that not look like

the star and tight end for the Niners who is that Jorge Kittle and is he Spanish or not now boy white name's George Kittle

right yeah they look similar huh Nick give it up yeah they do thank you sir um

he also looks like a character from the Bible right there does he does not like as if like you know jesus came back and he's looking up in that image yeah like easter sunday um i'll say this i think getting free water from your neighbors bro that's as old as time this is like

that's a lot of how you know people i think a lot of uh different tribes and stuff used to do it if somebody had water you had to go get the water. Yeah, it's the ultimate hustle, really. Water was the only thing that they had back in the day. That was like the main currency, wasn't it? I think so, and sugar. Sugar was basically diamonds back in the day. Just look up water. Just Google water. Well, don't get me to what I'm saying.

Look up water discrepancies. There's nothing better than that fresh water from that hose. There's nothing like it, dad. Oh, son. Beretta can't fuck with it. On a summer day, I just deep-throated that hose as a young kid. But why do you have to do that? Why can't you just sip out of it?

Because I can't get enough. Oh, I don't think there's anything other. Maybe that hot hose hit. Maybe the first flush would come out with a lot of rust, a lot of spiders lot of just the wind whatever was from the winter yeah and it's warm yeah you see you can hear bone thugs in harmony playing out of it like that first floor bone bone yeah tell me what you're gonna do that first flush was thick maybe coming out of that gun i enjoyed it man that's god's gun baby dude so this guy just posted bail from fucking raiding the capital that's cool um this is bane's son isn't it little bane professor x

yeah but send in more trailer park hacks as well yeah and look i think that's one if you go there you get your neighbor's hose you do that defractor or whatever send the water open up your open up your uh spigot and send the water right into your own house, dude. Load your house up with water. That's gangster. But the biggest gangster move is stealing Netflix and Wi-Fi. That's the other hustle from those trailer parks. You think?

Yeah. We're not paying for DirecTV and Comcast and Wi-Fi. You're stealing from the neighbor. But how do you get Netflix from them? You steal their code, dog. Oh, you talking SBionage, dude. You put some charm on that big-ass bitch next door. Man, I'm trying to see this squid game, girl.

I'd love to see it. You download it. You're going to get fucking murdered, bro. You want some fresh water, girl? You're going to get straight murdered, dog. I didn't know where he was going, but that's a good plan. That's a good plan. That's a horrible plan.

You're out there at a barbecue sucking on a Mountain Dew trying to get somebody's Netflix pay, bro. That's a hustle, dog. Like a couple damn meat queers, bro. Y'all need to chill out, bro. Just let people barbecue and leave them alone. Bro, whatever it takes to get that Netflix password, you feel me?

Nah, man. Literally whatever it takes, daddy. What do you mean, man? Yeah, there's some fire content on there. I can watch your special. But you can get all kind of... There's also those free sites or whatever you can get stuff on there. Like Tubi? I don't know what it is. Do you think anybody in trailer parks have Tubi?

That's free. Tubi is a porno site, man. Tubi basically... I logged in the other day. It had videos just from my phone that were just saved to my phone. I'm like, this is their content? Yeah. You're not going to go through this hustle for Tubi, bro. We want that high quality HD.

Yeah. There's like an art class, like how to draw George Washington is one of the videos. I'm like, what is this? My grandma just figured out her smart TV, and she tells me she's been watching stuff on Tubi and Rocco, she calls it. Rocco. We just broke up. She's like, oh, I found something on Rocco.

I will say this, man. Some of it's gotten so bad. I ended up watching a Golden Girls the other night. That's right, yeah. It's good. Yeah, it's a good show. My son, he doesn't have uh cable anything in his room but he has a tv so it gives free channels on there it it's you can only pick two two shows

to watch and every episode of all time is fair factor rogan on fairfax really and you watch it he loves it you watch it how that you could not make that show today man why what happened with it they're just they're there's blood they're covering blood they're killing animals left and right they're doing all sorts of dangerous shit that show was lit dude well i think that when you come when you're dealing with killing animals bro you got it sometimes a lot because how long do animals even live depends on the animal bro i know which one but i'm saying how long does how long can most animals live, Shin? Okay. Well, tortoise, goddamn 100 years. Ballpark. I say most are 20 years.

Right. That's probably the average animal life. Crocodile, 45. Deer, 35. Dog, 22. I feel like that's very aggressive. Deer and shout out to Arby's. Remember when they tried having deer meat in there?

No. Really? Pull that bitch up, son. Get the fuck out of here. Y'all soft, son. Both of y'all bitches soft, and there's three of y'all, so y'all can figure out

who I'm talking about. Y'all bitches soft, son. No way. Arby's came with the fucking deer, baby, baby. Seven bucks. Thick cut venison and crispy onions. That shit looks lit. I know.

Was that a filet? Why would they get rid of that? Pull that bitch up. That shit looks lit. I know. Is that a filet? Why would they get rid of that? Pull that bitch up. Get that image on there, dog. Y'all skirting on the image for me. Bro, they ain't lying. We got the meat. God, that looks fantastic.

That thing got some hoof in it. Look at that. That big mix dude biting into it. This guy's great. Venison sandwiches at Arby's? Hell yeah. Let's go, baby. I'm home. Hi, everyone. Today, I'm at arby's hell yeah let's go baby i'm home everyone today i'm at arby's for one day only a limited time this guy's me in three years this guy's me in three years if things go south dude this dude he likes a meat and 300 bro i you this, bro. I love how these people act like it's

today I find myself at Arby's. Like it's Arby's fault that they're there. Or like it's like, oh, I just got into it. I ran into an Arby's. Well, no, bro. You've been playing this all fucking night. You've been there every fucking day.

Dude, and I hit McDaniels last night, bro. I roll up there, there okay it's late at night this is what they had to sign because they're making it hard to eat these days bro i roll up it says only accepting uh bills less than 20 dollars right that's what it said no credit cards only bills less than 20 so i had to roll a couple blocks, find a dude, an outdoor guy or whatever, vagrant. I break a 20 with him, dude, right? I get $6 out of the deal. Okay. Hell of a deal. So I'm down $14, man. And I went back and got a, they do have a chicken sandwich. It's a little dry and it doesn't compare much to chick

fila and they're small right was it small i didn't feel like it was small but i felt like it was uh a little drier but i did feel like the chicken was a little thicker though here's the thing for six dollars at mcdaniel's as you call it for six dollars you feed a family of four dog no you're not yeah not these days you're not not with these inflation dollar menu son huh they got the dollar menu six sandwiches dude one of the one of the things on the dollar menu is just somebody yelling the n-word back at you through the speaker so that's that ain't gonna feed your daughter so that's a dollar 19. yeah so so theo spent four of his dollars on that do it again one more time again. One more time. All right,

I take two chicken sandwiches, man. That's my time. That was awesome, dude. Yeah, I'm full. I feel good now, man. I'll just take one chicken McNugget if you don't mind.

But what else at Venice and go go back to your boy with the kitty? I find myself but start it back over, dude. Yeah, bro. I take chicken sandwiches at Arby's?

Bro, bro. A few more hard breaks. That's going to be me in three years. I'm going to be hitting up Theo to post it for me. I wrote today I'm at Arby's. That's true. For one day only, a limited time, they have their new venison sandwiches. One day only.

Better known as Bambi Q. Woo, woo, woo, woo. Is this? Woo, woo, woo. Limited time sandwich features. I'm going to read this, okay? A thick cut venison steak marinated in garlic, salt,

and pepper. His mouth is running. And it's cooked for three hours to juicy perfection. And it's topped with crispy onions and a cabernet steak. Sauce and a few What do you think I'm about

carrying a baby on his side there? And a sugar-gratin toasted star top bun, everyone. I'm a rhymer. I'm Slim i'm slim shady anyway so that's the venison sandwich we need to zoom this guy in next episode yeah this dude yeah i look that's joey right there and i gotta say this man he gets out there and gets it does he or does he just stay in like a mile radius and just go to fast food wait i'm sorry what did you say i'm sorry i'm saying does he get out there just go to all the fast foods in a mile radius that's a good call but dude they hit that venison out the gate let's see that first bite on joey that sandwich looks fantastic rb's hmm big bite

this big dog don't look how big his bite is don't look at somebody's bite That thing got some labby on it, huh? That thing got them freckles on it That thing thick, baby, damn They must have shot that bitch in that land over in Buckhead Okay, so Now I got the whole flavor of the venison He's brand everyone's asking. I know is he gamey Yeah, I was gonna ask that Is it gamey? What do I think I? Don't think so. I think it's fine

My question is here's my question if it ain gamey, then what in the fuck is it? It's just your normal Arby's sandwich, dog. Yeah, you just somebody. You got hoodwinked, baby, with some antlers, dog. Because I need a little gamey if it's venison, dog. That's why I'm getting it. I want that shit to taste like, dude, like a couple of angry white guys have been chasing it. Yeah.

In a field, man. You got that? I don't. Gamey, I want that bitch to taste like a fucking I don't want that bitch to taste like birthday cake. I want it gamey as fuck. I want that thing to taste like a fucking Nintendo. That's how gamey I want that bitch.

I want that thing to taste like Milton Bradley raised it, dog. That bitch better taste like a Sega Genesis being gamey, dog. God, bro. That guy's fantastic. Hey, King Sting, Wing, and the Sing fans. This is your boy Sing, Eric Griffin. And I want to talk to you about skin care from our sponsor, Lumen Skin.

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So would y'all do it? Would y'all go venison? Chin, you guys will do it. I love venison. There you go. It's one of my favorite meats, for sure. It's a little gamey for me. Is it?

I think maybe the cut. Maybe the cut you got or something, but I love it. The cut, what part do y'all cut out? What do y'all eat? The sirloin, I think it is. Backstraps. Chin eats that hard.

My friend goes hunting, so he gives me some deer meat sometimes. Oh, wow. Yeah. Archery. That sounds very much like a Brokeback Mountain reference, huh? Rogan gave me some sausage from fucking deer meat or something like that, and it was too gamey for me to pretend it was the best thing I ever had. He goes, how is it, dude?

Unreal. Was it like blood sausage or something? No, it was regular sausage, but it was so gamey, man. With the eggs, I got regular standard street eggs mixed with that gamey-ass venison or the fuck it was. Yeah. It was a real mix-up. You got to get real eggs.

That's the thing. I think if you go gamey, you got to go full gamey. You know? You need to get that. Full game boy. Yeah. You need ditch onions. You need deer.

You need blueberries blueberries raspberries what kind of other berries do they have blackberries blackberries boys and berries uh i don't know where boys can you pull up strawberries yeah that's what i want i want the i want the bone you got the full game i want the cossacks hanging off of that thing. I want that little wet-ass black nose hanging on the side. You're a fucking pervert, bro. No, I want it all game, dog. You're racist, bro. That's a boysenberry right there, man. Oh, that bitch.

Dude, we'll eat those until... Somebody always gets poisoned, though. Somebody always eats the one that's... The wrong one. Probably the one with the spikes on it. We go to Beaver Creek State Park in Caledonia, Minnesota, and fill them up in a milk jug and then put sugar on them. Ooh, yeah.

Slight flex from Nick. My grandmother used to put the, yeah, freeze them, put the sugar on them and freeze them, man. God. The Midwest, they know how to do berries, man. It's Midwest acai. Yeah, it really is. Oh, I didn't think about that. It really, really is.

Now, Chin, you're trapped on a desert island, bro. Yeah. Right? Or a desert pet shop. What do you have? What do you think you eat? You're locked in a desert island, bro. Yeah. Right? Or a desert pet shop. What do you have? What do you think you eat? You're locked in a pet city at Aurora Mall. It has to be pets or just any animals.

Look, dude. Let's don't say pets. It's truly options, man. But let's say, you know what I'm saying? Let's say you definitely, you know, it's like the kid section of Madagascar. You know what I'm saying? Like, let's don't say. You eating that lemur or what, bro?

Yeah. What you having on? You stuck in a, what's a popular pet store that's it that's smart pet smart so educated pets you over at pet smart now pets pet smart got rid of puppies they got rid of birds they have small gerbils and a lot of fish and snakes right don't they have snakes or no snakes lizards i'll eat snakes for sure wow yeah That would not be my first guess. Oh, yeah. God.

I heard rattlesnake is delicious. And how do you eat? How would you have it? Well, you kill them first and you skin them. You gut it. I've seen naked, I'm afraid. And then I'll probably just deep fry it with some batter. Oh, you got a deep fryer and a pet smart now?

Yeah. You could make a deep fryer in there. You could definitely commandeer a deep fryer, I think, in there out of the... Oh, there's that washing area section where they wash and they shave the pets jim you're not hey bro you're a fisher by trait you're not gonna eat the fish i mean it's all over the place but what if a pet gets trapped in there with you got a little date night in there you stuck at the pet trying to show off yeah you're trying i think snake is exotic so she probably dig that that's a good point huh and then you can do the old snake to snake trick yeah yeah you know like there's only one snake left and then you go to you bet this thing it's gonna spit girl

it's a spitting snake that is disgusting it's a korean spitting snake that's too much sorry but if you have something you got to grill up what if the thanksgiving y'all start a small family in there you still trapped in this place it's been a few years what do y'all cook them guinea pigs are getting it there's not enough meat on guinea pigs i don't think damn bro don't they i would never eat them they have little pigs and uh some pets stores too right no bro not really big 2022 they can't have any of that i think you can i would say yeah you're looking at one pig in there no no i'm going for the pig there's hamsters this is like fish and snakes bro this is like korean supermarket sweep they just pull the push the cart up to the aquarium we just dump the whole thing in

no and crickets too they have crickets for now i feed the animals brother yeah they're good crickets i've had uh whatever those crickets yeah i've had thoseickets for- Now, I eat crickets, brother. Yeah, they're good. I've had crickets. I've had wherever those- You've had deep fried crickets? Yeah, I've had those big worms too, these centipedes. What? Yeah. Where at? I've had those. Thailand?

I think those are poisonous. You went to South Africa? Yeah, I did. For what? Huh? For what? Being alive. Life.

Traveling? Yeah, living. Staying alive. Gangster. And I went there, and there you go right there. SoCal mini pigs, bro. Grillette bitch up. Can we get one i'll for the office i'll buy one for the office who's gonna take care of it though uh everybody well that means no one we need to feel like designated

you can stay at your house monday wednesday friday big george takes them tuesday thursday saturday sunday you guys switch like a divorced family or yeah big george takes them i grill that little bastard up i'll be honest with you dude i'm gonna name pork chop tonight but that that's dude that's a played out name bro i think for i'm to be honest with you brendan oh do you know a lot of people with mini pigs named pork chop you hang out with the wrong friend look at that bro on tiktok there's like 70 mini pigs named pork chop really i think you need to go with something a little bit more like- Like what? What's the lady's name from the Titanic?

Rose? Yeah. That's romantic, dog. But imagine you just keep playing the Titanic music every time that pig comes in the room. That's beautiful, dude. Or you play Darth Vader. Just call him Blackie. Really?

Yeah. Blackie, I feel like I can't use that. You could probably still use it. If he's an all-black pig? Dude, I'm just grateful for everybody, man. That's what I want to say. Me too, man. I'm glad you're here, brother.

I miss you, man. I miss you too, dude. I'm glad you're still alive, and I'm glad that— You've been on the road, dog. Have I been? Oh, i went to oklahoma actually great time out there i love oklahoma and then had some shows in la i want to thank everybody that came out in la man for the during the netflix's joke festival and netflix didn't do shit to promote our shows they promoted all these other fancy fucks and they didn't do anything but everybody came up and showed out hey look at me i want to thank those people you know that was gonna happen though but here's my thing here's my thing brother you don't need them i know you don't need anybody i know that you're talking about a

guy who released his own special on youtube you don't need anybody dude i want to say thank you to everybody that came out and uh yeah i agree it's just like yeah you think yeah i guess part of you you just think that they would give you a little bit of help here and there, you know? Drives me nuts, brother. Drives me nuts. And look at this. Trevor Wallace. Look at those two making out.

Under a street lamp, baby. Mexican mistletoe, dog. Ooh. Did they look at you when you were recording them? Bro, they had been at the show. I go outside. I'd just been talking about this. I catch them in the wild, bro, smooching under a street lamp right there.

What's the odds? Dude, Mexican people love to kiss outdoors. It's one of the beautiful traits of Latinos, dog. Yeah, man. That's street tacos, street kissing. Street everything, bro. French kissing. Street birth.

I think you probably, dog. You hang out in the right circle, dog. You catch a little huevos, Nuevos, you know? And what do you guys eat, Chin? What do we eat? Yeah, man, on the street. Did you look up water? I did look up water discrepancies.

Yeah, not much. Didn't call it much. I eat everything. Not water discrepancies. I'll tell you something that's happening is the aquifer from all the water from Colorado, they're not going to be sending it down here.

It's not even making it to California anymore. Well, here's the thing with California, Newsome, and this one's for free. If you just get rid of the goddamn almonds here, it takes all of our water. If we got rid of almonds, we wouldn't have a drought. Almonds are good. Look it up. Almonds? You want almonds, you want fresh water, bro.

Look at Almond Joys, though. Oh, daddy, favorite candy. God. Sometimes you feel like you're not. Sometimes you don't. Yeah, almond joys. Feel has nuts. Brand don't. Mounds don't, baby. You got them bitches, dude.

What is this? Water source of color recrimination. But you know what also? I bet if you look through every other week in every newspaper, this article has been printed every two weeks. 110%. What other week? What is this guy? What happened to him?

He's doing postal work? Look at that. Look at this. The main issues associated with almond milk production are water use, which may produce long-lasting effects on the environment and drought-stricken California, where more than 80% of the world's almonds are grown. Fuck almonds, dog. You want water and almonds, bro. Water's almonds are grown. Fuck almonds, dog. You want water or almonds, bro? Waters or almond? Pick your poison, dude.

Waters or almond? You have water or almond? You can't have both. Leave me alone, bro. Damn, dog. I feel like Team Almond over there, man. I'm Team Water, baby. I like almond, bro.

All right, man. Damn, dog. I like almond milk. I feel like this is like the shittiest law firm where ever waters are almond. Welcome to waters and almond. Did you get in an accident? Turn to waters and almond.

We don't get paid until you get paid. We're thirsty as fuck. We're so thirsty. We're thirsty for your lawsuit. Our mouths are dry from all these almonds yeah we're thirsty to get you the money you deserve water's an almond baby gets hit by a car water's an almond too much man dude and a lot of fake babies have still been happening they're having apparently a new thing is chicks are pushing fake empty strollers around to get clout, you know?

And a lot of gay men are. Really? Yeah. That's a thing? I said that somewhere. Look that up, Jim. You are on the streets more than I am, so I don't want to hate on it. Well, it's fine. It's the truth, though.

Now, are you seeing the same kind of situation in Nashville, too, or is this just really an L.A. thing? Oh, no. You coast to coast, Daddy. Desperate for merchandise used fake. Look at this., daddy. That's where for merchandise you use fake. Look at this. Wow. I thought you were making this up. Fake babies.

People, man. That's when it's it, boy. A baby, you can't even have a fucking real baby anymore. You bring a real baby, they're testing him to see if he's real and shit. Bro, what a- Crawl, make him crawl. Like, fuck, what do you mean he's fucking eight days old? Whatever, make him wiggle. Like, fuck, what do you mean he's fucking eight days old? Whatever, make him wiggle.

Make him wiggle, make him shit his pants, Holmes. I feel like Theo would rent out his kid just to make a dollar there. I don't think legally you can do that. That's trafficking, isn't it? Ooh, that is trafficking 101, isn't it? Where was I the other day and someone was like, is this trafficking? And I'm like, I don't think this is. I bet you're at Orange Julius. I don't day and someone was like, is this trafficking? And I'm like, I don't think this is. I bet you're at Orange Julius.

I don't know where I was. I feel like a lot of human trafficking happens at Orange Julius. That place is shady, man. It's just heartbreaking, dude. Yeah, it is. I think you just can't be meeting people off of Craigslist. Hey, who would get more money in sex trafficking, you or me? We did this already, didn't we?

No, that's only fans dude i'm talking that's legit and nobody's getting touched i'm talking real human trafficking you and me i don't think i think i feel i feel like they would come they would start with you right because you got you look better than me you got that fat ass but eventually like he doesn't shut the up he just tells all these weird stories non-stop man we want a refund can we trade him in with the kid with brain damage that man we want a refund can we trade him in with the kid with brain damage that's you think yeah like can we trade him in for the big boy's brain damage but then also who's sex trafficking a kid with brain damage that is the work that is

like dark yeah like this guy's got one debate club but what about first of all this is all very sad and it shouldn't be here and if chris I don't even think we can discuss this. But I do think that the thing about – you have to think of – it's a long game, dude. I think who would be able to survive in the streets and in the fucking trap houses getting taken around like in a train car? I probably wouldn't do very well with that. I feel like you've been in trap houses getting, you know, taken around like in a train car. I probably wouldn't do very well with that. I feel like you've been in trap houses. I don't know if I have been to that. I mean, I've been in some fucking very sketchy sleepovers, you know,

where people are wide awake. Yeah, it's a trap house. Jared's sister was there. It's a long game, though. Chin, who do you think? Who would survive better? And look, let's don't say sex trafficking, because that's like for kids, I think, and stuff.

No, that's for everybody. Sex trafficking refers to everybody, yeah. It's a dark art. Yeah. Dude, you should call your next special Trap House. Really? Yeah. Hold on.

If one of us were getting put on the black market for sensuality, who do you think would have the longer lifespan out there? Remember, I can fight now if I have to. That's the thing. You can fight. Oh, that's true. But feel feel can talk i think you can talk his way out of anything so i don't know it's a tough but it's not you're not getting out you're just in there so it's like who's gonna they're probably nicer to you like sweeter to you is gonna get you killed what you do is just relent no if they're like hey man your your ass game is trash we're just gonna have you shake down these people for money.

I'm like, oh, all right. But then you're doing something different. Then you're like, you're now on a different profession. I'm saying who's staying in that body game? You are. I'm not. That ass can be worn out, daddy. Oh.

I don't want it. I don't want that happening to you either. If you just let it happen, you can have a long career, I think. Yeah. I don't want that. I feel like I'm going to have a little more fight in me. I feel like just get it over with. Yeah.

This guy wants to hear about your morning routine. Okay. What's up, King, the Sting, and the Wing? And guess what? I got a debate club for you. No, this is not herpes on my lip. My name is Barry. I am from Georgia.

I have a debate club. I've already said it twice. Go ahead and make fun of it brennan anyways how do you guys get through your mornings you know i gotta buy a box of damn advils and some knockoff gatorade monster crap with some energy in it so i don't fall asleep because i get up so damn early but besides a black americana or an ice americana or brandon eating baby food or theo crying in the morning how do you guys get through your morning gang gang buzz buzz sore deal wakes up everyone with a nice hard cry yeah dude he's off into the races man oh i've masturbated with my own tears brother i'll tell you this um and what is this guy he's lost yeah

And what is this guy? He's lost? Yeah Lost Does he need help? Is it raining? Here's what I would like to say Is the morning routine Is crucial

It's everything It's crucial man What do you do brother? What I do I get up Make my bed Say my prayers And I

Are you in the army? I do a meditation bro Are you in the military? I gotta do all of this shit To try to stay alive dude I didn't eat today so also if i seem snappy or i'm talking to you about too many menu items then i haven't eaten so i can feel my blood sugar getting low this thing i wouldn't survive i don't think in the

trap houses dude but that's what i do man as long as they give you snacks you'd survive yeah if there's a snack dish on the edge of the bed i can handle it dude it's the dark web dude the second that the almond milk you know hits the scene that's another thing you got to think about is who's gonna really be wanting to get all of that semen on them yeah that's a good point that that glazed donut man but for but if you I've known Theo so well for so long, I know not to talk business or anything before noon. Theo needs to get his day going, get those exercise them demons every morning, and I wait until 12 to discuss anything with Theo. 12.01, call him.

What's up, dog? And he's way better. Before 12, it's Jekyll and Hyde. Before 12, it's Jekyll after it's Hyde, and I like Hyde. So I wait until 12.01 to talk to Theo. Now me, I like hide so I wait to 1201 to talk to Theo now me I got kids so I'm up at 536 every single morning I get those little rugrats we go downstairs I make the strongest coffee you've ever tasted in your fucking life that is popping so and I usually don't eat I fast all morning and then when I get to uh on my way to the gym I stop at

Starbucks I get an eight shot iced espresso I down that go to the gym then I come to, on my way to the gym, I stop at Starbucks. I get an eight shot iced espresso. I down that, go to the gym. Then I come to the studio. Oh, damn. Same routine every single day. Eight shots. Oh, and also with that strong coffee. You're like the 50 cent of coffee, I feel like.

You're going to be my game, dog. And also with that strong coffee in the morning, it's Death Wish Coffee. It's the most caffeinated coffee in the world. I do four things of rose nicotine. That's so crazy. And daddy is hitting the ground running. Running? Okay.

Sprinting. Vibrating forward, I feel like. At the speed of nicotine. Yeah. No, look, man. I'm like a caterpillar on meth. You got to keep it cruising, dude. You got to keep it cruising, dude. You got to keep it cruising.

You're an inchworm, bro, but a fucking, you're a footworm. That thick footworm. Yeah, you got to stay, I think you got to stay busy out there, man. I think it just, it matters what your needs are, dude. But yeah, I think doing something physical, doing something meditative to start out, those are good ways to go bruh Yeah I think I think a good

And this sounds super corny But in therapy I learned this Is waking up and being Thinking of something to be grateful for Every morning Otherwise you start off on the wrong foot Oh yeah Yeah

You can't be angry and grateful At the same time It's impossible That's what they say Reflicting emotions I've tried I've been pretty close to those. I'm here, begs the differ.

Yeah. You just go back and forth. Jekyll and Hyde. Jekyll and Hyde. Yeah. I'm a Grangry. I've got a really interesting situation for you. Here's a young guy.

And this is Nick, obviously, before something happened to him. That's what I was saying. Oh, was it really? You said that? I was going to say, it's just like Nick. I've got one for you

yo what up king in the sting matt coming at you from ontario canada and i got a bit of a king of the sting for you today so i'm 21 years old and i'm a boiler maker apprentice and i'm working at an old nuclear reactor right now okay yeah every day i go in to this old reactor it's been running for about 30 years and i pick up these small to medium doses of radiation and it's like supposedly safe that's what the government says but you never fucking know right so they pay me pretty good that's the other side of it so can't understand it stack these racks all the way up to the fucking sky have no dents

and then you know maybe have some glowing piss or a second cock or you know who knows what will happen or you know find work elsewhere not have as big of a stack and but keep my nuts safe maybe have kids

one day but anyways that's all i got for you guys today um i fucking love you guys gang gang buzz buzz chris i'll see you at the log cabin i got my white shirt and yeah peace well yeah stay away from that toxic shit that you're doing my man i mean this is the origin story of the teenage mutant ninja turtles you got to get away from that dude i don't care how much they're painting yeah like all that radiation is this chernobyl i mean watch chernobyl on hbo doggy it's not healthy man i think it depends on how you look at it i mean i think here's here's a young guy he obviously has some years to kill you know he could spare you know five something happens to him or whatever i'd say 10 yeah well you could do it look i said i see people go to jail for murders seven years that's

fuck if i'd have known i could have killed somebody at 20 and only gotten and been out at 27 yeah you'd be doing me a favor i missed 20 to 26 man dude are you gonna hang out the homies i'll tell you this is my neighborhood fat randall would have been dead okay i'll tell you that straight up boy but you lucky randall yeah so anyway things is different you know but look guy i think you're handsome enough you could even lose you know you could go from an eight to a seven you're still gonna make it if one of your jaw you know like a portal opens up in your jaw over there because you're working up there you start growing a tooth out of your neck my man every time putting your two your jaw over there because you're working over there. Yeah, you start growing a tooth out of your neck, my man. Every time putting your two-week notice.

Yeah, if you're working over there, Willy Wonka's magic plutonium factory, dog, you know? Look, if you take a dump and it crawls back in your butt, that's when you got to put in the paint. Yeah, dude. But until then, bro, write it out in documentation. That's key because a lot of people, they go to the government, you know, they out there Aaron Brockovich and his shit, but they don't, they didn't record it.

They didn't do it. At least get somebody, go somewhere, get somebody to draw a picture of you. This is when he was healthy. Yeah. Take a before and after picture. Yeah. You need before every day. You need to look a little bit worse.

Start dying. Your eyebrows white. That's what I would do here. Green. Take it. But do look man if you're gonna do it go all the way in get the wheelchair um my buddy used to do this thing where he put a magnets in the wheelchair in the feet part and so they would kind of like go like

that all the time and it like made it look like he had the tremors right because they would try to the magnets would try to attract to each other so right when he rolled in the courtroom you're like oh fuck dude he's all rattled out that's not a bad hustle at all you gotta do before and after Because they would try to- Like Tourette's almost. The magnets would try to attract to each other. So right when he rolled in the courtroom, you're like, oh, fuck, dude. He's all rattled out. That's not a bad hustle. You know, giving him money. That's not a bad hustle at all. You got to do before and after pics.

You're going to look like Obama after his fucking eight years in the White House. Yeah. It's going to be lit, dude. You might grow some horns. Yeah. And you could end up like Tom Ford or whatever. The guy that was the fucking mayor of wherever it was, Canada. Tom Ford?

God. Doing crap. Oh, yeah. Oh. But yeah. wherever it was canada and he uh died doing crap but yeah if you're doing plutonium bro dude i would definitely tell the ladies too you know i got the magic stick yeah you know what i'm saying dude you got up yeah you tell me around that toxic shit all the time but the only bad thing is my get this giant fucking monster dick you know that's what i would do you're crazy man and they say also it can make your balls small and it can make you can have a kid that doesn't have any fingernails oh yeah yeah yeah some huge side effects if you want kids my man i'd get out of there go work at an orange julius that guy that guy was funny though he should uh send us in more questions about his life he He's only 21.

Yeah, why don't you send in something else, dude? Yeah, let's know how the ladies department's going. You're working around this. Or other things. If you have any issues with your body or whatever like that, what is it called? Dysmorphia. Yeah. Because you can't even see his legs in the imagery.

Yeah, what that dick look like, dog? What? What? Bro, you sick, bro. Bro, he's around plutonium all the imagery. Yeah, what that dick look like, dog? What? What? Bro, you sick, bro. Bro, he's around plutonium all the time. Yeah, but you want to see that deal, bro? Yeah, Mushroomhead probably insane. Dang, bro. You want to see that little

spear, huh? You want to see that little nitrous spear. Here we go. Brandon, Theo, Eric, Chris. You know, high school. And that's in order from most ethnic to least. King of the Stingit. Jobs that make you wear uniforms. Supposed to have this bitch tucked in.

Supposed to have on, you know what I'm saying, them rubber. That outfit's lit. Anti-sleep shoes. But we not doing that. I'm not one of them tuck shirt cuts. I'm one of them rubber shoe sucker dudes. Yeah. So, you know, King of the Sting.

Uni's at the job. Gang, gang. Buzz, buzz. I believe I can fly. I believe I can touch the sky. Do you go through the whole song? When black people sing, you just believe they can sing even if they can't. Isn't that interesting?

Black dude just starts singing like, oh, he can sing. I they can't isn't that interesting yeah like you just start singing like oh he can sing yeah um i'll say this man uniform i got you know i did drugs once and uh mailed my uniform off i was high on drugs to get money for it for drugs no i was in the mail room i worked in the mail room and i was just all fucked up and put all my clothes into a box and mailed them to one of the companies that we worked with and i left out of there nude got laid off yeah yeah forgot about it right came back the next day like a week later they got my clothes in the mail so they can't say i was a bad male person i just you know i issued with the uniform and drugs.

Yeah, I was a janitor, man. So I had to wear that janitorial outfit, man. The onesie. You know how I still wear jumpers? That's a callback to when I was a janitor at my first job. And I also got fired from that. It's crazy how a jumper is a guy that commits suicide and also like a cute outfit. Yeah, that shit is cute.

A men's jumper is cute. I don't give a fuck a romper but i'll tell you right now them girls and and uh cherry creek with all their money they treat me like shit and i was a janitor treat me like shit a lot of men trying to be gay too that skunk pumper they call them skunk pumpers i think because janitors are skunk pumpers oh i don't know i don't i've never i mean i had some issues with some janitor guys by us, but there was also a lot of nepotism in the janitor industry near us. Because people that taught at the schools would hire their, you know, people as mentally unwells, and they would have them come and do the janitorial and do

custodial. Probably not even a passion for cleaning. No. I didn't have a passion for it. I was 16. They used to make me pick the cigarettes out of the ashtrays by hand which took forever at 5am and then I got fired because you remember

you put a nickel in and you could grab whatever candy you want I'd fake like I put nickel in and I'd grab all the candy and I'd grab all the magazines they'd be like who the fuck is reading all the magazines I would just sit in there and pretend I was cleaning the bathroom for hours and then they made me work on the Super Bowl when the Broncos in the Super Bowl I was like I fucking quit son you quit for no reason yeah well to watch the Super Bowl they wanted me to work during the Denver Broncos Super Bowl run. But didn't you work there? Yeah, I worked there.

Yeah, that's why they wanted you to work, dog. That's a good point, man. It wasn't just like just randomly just driving up to people. The Denver Broncos Super Bowl, though? Come on, daddy. You got to give me the day off. But you knew two weeks in advance because the AFC Championship was two weeks prior. You couldn't put in to get out of the day.

These are fair points, man. Yeah, my bad my bad man i used to work at this place i got hired over there and some dude at the end of the shift would show everybody he would draw like for the like the bus boys and stuff i forgot about this this dude would draw like how to do oral sex on women and he would like act it out, like with like these, um, like, uh, origami, no, like, no, like a melon. Like he would do, he would do like a, what is it called? Cantaloupe. And he would cut that thing open. And it was insane.

Now that I think about it, it was absolutely crazy. It sounds like a good show, but we would, it was a real nice place. It was called wine and cheese and, uh, just wine and cheese. Yeah. But that was a real nice place. It was called Wine and Cheese. Just Wine and Cheese? Yeah, but that's a lot. It's a huge, look up Wine and Cheese. How many images do you get? 40,000, 200,000? I think you've talked about Wine and Cheese before.

Look it up. It's just Wine and Cheese? And this was in your hometown? This was over there in Mandeville, Louisiana. 522 million. Wow. Yeah, and this was called there mandeville louisiana 522 million wow yeah and this was called dakota's wine and cheese and it was uh you type in wine and cheese restaurants it was off highway 22 but look at the image right there look at all the imagery look at the hotness i like a

nice chicory board look at the one chicory board look at the cheese boy yeah so what i'm saying is this baby what happened was uh well i'm fucking hungry i'll eat one of my damn thumbs oh dude you eat that whole fucking board or what huh oh dude i'll fuck i'll blow my wrist if it lets me eat its thumb that's what i'm telling you bro i will i will fuck my hand if it lets me if it lets me eat two of its fingers, dude. I am fucking hungry, you freaks. And I called earlier and said, why we don't have nothing to eat? Mark's going to get his food right now.

He could have left earlier. Well, we're doing it. You can't eat on air. You know what he's out here doing? Drinking a water, okay? Drinking a water. When there's a drought. This fucking... He's drinking water

and Hamill's team pony is sitting over here slurping down water like damn Napoleon Bonaparte. I better have some good time codes. Yeah, for real. Yeah. God.

I'm going to damn eat you. We need to feed you before you turn into a fucking gremlin. I know I'm just not doing well today, man. You seem like you're doing well. I can usually tell like this. Really? Oh, yeah.

You're doing good, buddy. I'm doing good and bad at the same time. That's what I think is going on. Yeah. It's a real rattler. It's like I'm headed for the gutter. The bumpers are in, though. I got the bumpers in.

You got the bumpers in. Let's not knock the bumpers down. The Lord's helping me, but it's like I'm headed for the gutter. The bumpers are in though. I got the bumpers in. You got the bumpers in. Let's knock the bumpers down. The Lord's helping me, but it's like, man, I think not having any food and everybody talking about things they're eating. Well, you fast chipped 40 times out eating dogs and fucking gerbils, bro. That's on you, dog. Quick, what are you grateful for? I'm grateful that Ryan is going to get us.

Ryan. I'm grateful that Ryan is going to get us Ryan We've seen this guy before Yeah he's one of my favorite submitters I'm grateful that We just gotta feed you dog That's easy it's getting done right now And I'm going to Georgia coming up soon I'm grateful I get some peach pie over there You're on tour in Georgia?

Yeah I just got some shows over there. I'm excited. Augusta, Savannah. You been there? No. I never been. I've never been. You're doing dope markets.

Big theaters, too. I'm proud of you, man. It'll be interesting. Thank you, man. It's going to be great. Yeah. I'm in Philly this week. Are you?

Philadelphia at the Helium, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. See your brotherly love, man. Brotherly love. Ben Franklin, Stomping Grounds. Was it? I'm going to get that cheese steak. They put the cheese whiz on it. Two different ones, too. Yeah your brotherly love, man. Brotherly love. Ben Franklin, Stomping Grounds. Was it? I'm going to get that cheese steak. They put the cheese whiz on it. Oh, the two different ones, too.

Yeah. What do you got? Are you coming, Chin? Yeah, I'm coming. Oh, fuck. I forgot you were coming. Chin's going to fucking deep throw a cheesecake. Yeah.

Cool. I'll put it on the ground for you. Come on, Daddy. No. Come see Chin deep throat a fucking cheesecake. I'll deep throat it. Steak and cheesecake. It looks good. It looks so good.

What about a cheese wawa? That's what you should do. I'm just joking, Jin. Does it offend you? Because I just don't like Asian people when people are like, they eat dogs. I hate that. Because you have to eat things in certain countries, bro. Yeah, if there's a ton of them running around and you have no resources it's only certain it's only certain koreans

well china does it yeah well china fucks with bats well china does a lot of coke yep and i'll say that shit right out loud yep china did fentanyl and all the coke that shit was good boy and they started making it in china that fentanyl is trouble there's fentanyl in them shelving units buy a shelving unit from china dude that bitch has fentanyl in it it should fall right off dude buy some fake jordans you get fentanyl on them bitches sucks into your toes seen a million times what's this gentleman what nick this guy i know this guy he's been i know how long show? We've been going three hours. Does anybody work here? It's one hour exactly. It's been recorded.

And where's your guys' uniforms? We should ask them. Who the fuck forgot their uniforms? The only uniform is don't wear fucking sweats and sandals. Get me out of here. We got to feed this man. Last one, Nick. There's nothing to eat in this whole thick place.

What up, King of the Sting? It's Noah from Nashville. I got a King of the Sting for you. Buying the dip. Talking crypto. NFTs. Stock. Do we ride that doggo to the moon?

Nah, man. Are we pulling out? Uh-uh. Let me know. Gang gang. Buzz buzz. Ah! Soar.

Nice. I like the animal sound. Me too. Whatever he made, I would eat. Yeah. Whatever sound that was. Are you an NFT crypto guy? The whole thing is called,

this is called a pyramid scheme. Ponzi scheme. Yeah, if you're not familiar with any of it, it is when somebody comes in and says, hey, this is amazing. This is going to make you money overnight. And then you lose money. And then Tim Dillon tells you to invest in it. Yeah. I got involved in a pyramid scheme.

Yeah, I hear that, man. When I was a child and lost all my money in one. And I should have known. On the sheet, I remember the guy showed me the documentation. And it was in the shape of a fucking pyramid. And it even said at the top, I swear to God, it said pyramid. And the second word was scratched out. You still invested.

Yeah. I'm like, doesn't this say pyramids or something and the guy's like nah this is old paperwork this is old man from and i went in on that shit man all my money dude it was two thousand dollars i saved up all that god does and me and my friend did half and half on it we each went in on a thousand and lost shame man and here's the craziest part we went and told his parents about it and they had also lost money on it. He said, who you telling,

you little bastard? We're out 5Gs. They couldn't even get mad at us because they'd lost money. But if you want to do good, you know, it's not a legal proposition, but yeah,

start some bullshit. It's like Tim Dillon says, fake business, start it up. Yep. NFTs, bullshit, dirty diaper,

clean through the mail do something selling uh people selling air from different cities and stuff i saw one girl selling her farts in a jar making bank yeah from tlc some guy by us used to sell frozen water from different areas of the country see i'm into that people were there's ways to make money. You know what I'm saying? You can sell animal skins and stuff through to mail. I'll tell you right now, crypto, NFT, there's all that shit. I don't know how old he is, but there ain't a better investment than real estate, son. There's more millionaires in real estate than anything. It's the long game.

You're never going to lose your ass on real estate. It's also been around forever. You also don't want to be able to be up. If you can't do property management, you don't want, if you can't be there and deal to be up if you can't do property management you don't want if you can't be there and deal with it then you got to get property management because otherwise somebody's texting you we got to paint the porch the refrigerator's broken and something you're trying to live my life my ac went out and you're trying to do all that don't buy a trap house that is a disaster well they got hood housing and section 8 housing dude you know

dude maybe we should invest in trap houses instead of that fucking zoo in Mexico. I'm not getting involved. I am not. Real estate to me is kind of exhausting, some of it, having to deal with it. If I had a nickel for every time I heard Theo on an HOA call giving Cindy the business, he's got a lot of issues. Yeah, because in some things you can't get it. Do you think that's a CEO issue or an HOA issue? I'll take your Ramirez field for 5,000. It sounded like a bunch of idiots and he has

no time to suffer fools. Yeah. And once you get in some of that stuff, you're locked in, you can hire somebody else to do it, but they're not going to do it the same way. So sometimes it's just risky. You know, I mean, everything has risk with it. So real estate's usually pretty safe, but I think you're probably right, dude, getting in something good. But also everything's so expensive right now, I don't see where this goes. Well, no, already the mortgage rates have gone up. So it's just a matter of time before it goes back down and we're all good, baby.

But what does that mean? That sounds really big. And it's going to come back, too. Then it's going to come back. Any dude making hand signals like this is not, bro. This is a quick silver advertisement. Yeah, dog. There's no way.

I'm saying, look, but it's a trance. I'm giving you a trance. Look at this. Give me your money. Give me your money. There you go. Is that it? That's it.

All right, Philly. I will be eating cheese steaks with Chen. We getting balls, eating some cheese steaks this Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Healy and Philadelphia all new one hour after shooting the special. If you haven't seen the special, we on track to hit a million by next week, son. The Gringo Poppy special on Thick Boy YouTube about to hit a million. So this week we're in Philly. Then next Wednesday it's Shopping Friends, the Hollywood Improv with some monsters.

Then I'm in Portland, Oregon, June 9th through the 11th. San Francisco, Cobbs, June 17th through the 18th. San Diego, Laugh Factory. Ridiculous new club in the heart of San Diego. That's July 21st through the 23rd. But Philly, you're up this week. Come get some from your boy. Take us at thickboy.com.

I want to say this. Thank you guys for all your support. Thank you guys for coming out and just supporting us, any of us, and for supporting me as well. I'm really grateful. And I've just gotten to see some of you guys in Albuquerque. And tonight I'm over here in Midland, Texas as this comes out. So that's exciting. Lubbock, Texas, I will be in tomorrow night and Dallas this Saturday. Then coming up, I'm in Savannah, June 2nd. I am in Augusta, June 3rd, Montgomery, June 4th, and Columbus, Georgia on June 5th. Tell your friends, tell

your cousins, somebody come on out. Let God see what we're doing and have a good time out there. Go see one of the best to do it, man. Theo Vaughn, my brother from a completely different mother, man. Amen. And in July 3rd, I will be in Las Vegas also. So we're going to put that up and you can find all those at TheoVaughn.com slash tour. Philly, see you this week. Love you guys. Buzz, buzz.

Gang, gang, baby. Old school. It's the king and the sting Back up in the sting I just got a call that said they wanna end the ring They got me working OT all night long How many times I gotta make this song? Hey, hold on, what is this? Now y'all wanna switch? Y'all just added Stevie and Eric And now y'all adding Chris

How's that gonna fit? Wait, I get the gist I just probably have to slow it down and hit it like this It's the king, the ring, and the sting It's the king, the ring, and the sting It's the wing, and the king, and the sting Hold on, hold on Hold on, wait a minute, let me think It's the king, and the sting, and the wing

Let's go King, and the sting, and the wing Thought it full circle, but on the whole team Legendary trio, Britney, Chris, and Theo, what you mean? You know it's the king, and the sting, and the wing