The Golden Hour - Episode 18: Brody Lowroller

Episode Date: May 2, 2019

The boys kick off a new segment called Wed, Bed or Dead and talk Theo's day with Riff Raff, Brendan's giant blender coffee cup, Morgan Freeman as a stripper, transition coaches, dogs with human names, Stripper names, The Golden Girls, cranberry stem cells, tangerine tigers and more!Hello Fresh - https://www.hellofresh.com/kats80 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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What? It's called a bullet. I put it in this thing, bro. What? It's called a bullet. It's a bullet blender cup, bro. Bro, don't try to act like it's normal now while you're sipping out of it like a trough over there. You're like. It's so big. Dude, it's so fucking big. Yeah, I have to stop talking to you while you drink out of it because I can't see you.

Dude, drink out of something normal, you creep. I bet you have soup at home in the bathtub. Fucking drink out of something normal. Got a hot tub full of minestrone. Oh, man. What's up, bro? I feel like I haven't seen you in a while. I was in Phoenix looking for your mom. Oh, really. What's up, bro? How much? I feel like I haven't seen you in a while. I was in Phoenix looking for your mom.

Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, wow. I don't think she came. Because she lives near there. She hasn't come in a long time, dude. She's in her late 70s. Oh, okay.

Yeah, they are late shows. But. They do like a matinee. Yeah. They should do that matinee. They should do that matinee for the older crowd. You should. Yeah.

Brendan's seniors do a fun walk. It's a good idea. You should do a fun walk before in the mall where they shut the mall down and old people walk through it. And give them meatloaf and like fucking mashed potatoes. No, that's a lot of salt in it, man. You got to do it. Yeah, you got to be careful with their health.

You got to give them different stuff than that. They're all worried about their numbers. Where were you at, man? Their numbers. Where were you at? I was in West Palm. Florida. Yeah.

The mutants of the North America. Oh, it was crazy. Bro, I met up with Riff Raff. Remember Riff Raff? Oh, he's alive? Jody High Roller. Yeah, dude. Damn. How's he? I'm a fan. I'm a fan. Well, there's nobody like him. He's that neon Sasquatch, you know? Dude, literally hanging out with him is like hanging out with like a piece of science or something that fell off the periodic table and just landed into humanity. Is it really? Or does it feel like you're hanging out with Spencers embodied in the human being? A little bit, dude. Dude, first of all, he rolls up.

I'm knocking on the door. He rolls up on a four-wheeler, right? Wow. And he's like, get on that bike. And I got on like a pedal bike. You got on the back? I got on a pedal bike. You were holding on the back?

Yeah. It was like Titanic. Hell yeah. Did you take pictures? It was crazy. Oh, yeah. I took pictures, man. Did you post any pictures? I didn't post any pictures. How did you not post pictures of the back? It was like Titanic. Hell yeah. Did you take pictures? But it was crazy. Oh yeah, I took pictures, man. Did you post any pictures? I didn't post any pictures.

How did you not post pictures of the thing? You can't, bro. You try to post them and they don't post. Oh, because he's like a vampire. Yeah, it's crazy, man. He's next level.

I did a podcast episode with him, though. Oh, so you're going to wait until that drops. Yeah. Dude, I feel like you guys were separated at birth. Yeah.

Is there similarities? There are similarities a little bit in the way that we look. You guys know you look exactly the same, right? But it looks like he was colored with a neon marker. Yeah, it looks like he got shot by like a silver bullet like they tried to kill him when he was young. It looked like his mom fucked a Nerf ball.

Oh, damn. Oh, damn, bro. Oh, my God. Dude. Oh, my God. We're leaving that in, but I didn't say it. Riff, that's all I was saying, bro. Riff, I'm a fan, bro. No, you're not. I'm a fan.

I swear to God. I'm a fan. Since he was on that show on VH1, man. He'll probably laugh at that, man. Dude, that dude is hilarious, man. So I think he would love that. And he has some tunes, too. Dude, he used to make me laugh when he was trying to get big.

He was just eating all this stuff and taking steroids. I think he's off of it now. Oh, he had a fucking, he had like a handful of fucking stem cells. He was just eating them like this when I was over there. Just fucking cranberry stem cells made with a tangerine tiger. Dale D'Antoni, bro, with that million dollar mullet, son. If you and him create a podcast, it would be

the best thing in the world. Oh, dude. He should replace me for sure. No, man. If you die, yeah. Okay. I mean, you're gonna die. Maybe especially now. You're gonna die, bro. The Jody High Rollers. Is he asking on tour and shit? I'm here with fucking Brody Low Roller, bro. You look like to die, bro. The Jody High Rollers. Is he on tour and shit?

I'm here with fucking Brody Low Roller, bro. You look like fucking Brody Jenner just fucking came in 9,000th in a Lance Armstrong bike off, bro. You not digging the hat? Dude, what the fuck? How dated is that? How dated? Dude, you're a haircut. You look like Andre Fagasy, bro.

That's the fucking worst hat I've ever seen, dude. It looks like it's about love, love, dude. Nobody's scoring in this motherfucker's side. No one's scoring this bitch. Dude, are you serious? You should be wearing a hat with your hair. Your hair looks like a hate crime. Oh, come on, bro.

It looks like two Africans in Chicago got beat up in the back of your head. Oh, they're lying back there. They're lying. Oh. Yeah. Well, I think we're about ready to start, man. I think we're good. Shout out to Jody Highroller.

Is he still making music, though? Dude, he has the sweet love ballad that he played for me, man. Don't stop, bro. Don't stop. He's got a new hit. Because his story's kind of inspiring because he got clowned when he was on that show. Yeah. With the MTV tattoo on his neck.

Oh, yeah. Did he? I don't even remember that show. I loved it. I forget. Charm School? I think it was Char't remember that show. I loved it. I forget. Charm School? I think it was Charm School. Wow.

And no one took him serious. And he was super skinny, like he was on meth. And then he got off the show, and then he's like the most successful one. Wow. Yeah, man. It's a cool story. I didn't know that. Whether you respect him or not.

But yeah, it's cool. I loved that show. And I didn't even know that. Dude, that's so funny. I didn't even know that. I just knew him as this. He's the only white guy. Really? Wow. First of Dude, that's so funny. I didn't even know that. I just knew him as this. He's the only white guy. Really?

Wow. First of all, brave guy. Okay. Super brave. Also not that brave. Dude, you go into school, nine of the guys at school are black. How did he not win the contest? That's what I'm wondering.

He got voted off early. What was an athletic competition? Oh, well, then there you go. I think it was a rap competition. That show was great. Yeah, that show was good. He got started on New York, New York, right? Wasn't he a contestant on there? Was he really?

I thought so, and then he got put on that other show and he got voted off early. She was crazy. Remember she tried to repossess her mom's fake tits? Remember that lady? Yeah. That was awesome. New York New York and her crazy ass mom. Who looked like the female in Gremlins 2 when she got all crazy and put the lipstick on. The mom? The mom looked like Gremlins 2 when she got all crazy with the lipstick on.

The mom? The mom looked like Gremlins 2 mom. Oh, yeah. Remember there was a fire and they both put on the wrong wig and came out real fast or something? Yeah, one looked like David Spade. Remember that episode? Yeah, David Spade's always like this. David Spade's always like this.

Wow. All right, let's get this started. All right, we got Derek Poston in the shotgun seat today. Man, wearing that Baltimore Orioles hat, huh? Yes, sir, man. Got it for my girl. You know what I'm saying? Oh, dang.

Did your girl go to Baltimore? From there. Oh, shit. Go Orioles. Yeah, bro. So we're going to start with some wed, bed, or dead. The first one. The first one is from-

Describe for the fans what is wed, bed, or dead. It's kind of like fuck, marry, or dead. The first one. The first one is from... Describe for the fans what is wed, bed, or dead. It's kind of like fuck, marry, or kill. Yeah. Okay. It's just our version. Yeah, just you guys are going to do

your own spin on it. All right. Okay, so it's like fuck, marry, kill, but wed, bed, or dead. So wed, marry, bed, sex, dead, deceased. If you could decease them.

If you could decease them. I'm glad you broke that down. For reals. No, I'm for reals. I know you are. I know. That's what I was going to say. I was like,ase them. If you could decease them. I'm glad you broke that down. For reals. No, I'm for reals. I know you are. Yeah, I know. That's what I was going to say. I was like, hold on.

There's bed bugs and we're dying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, go. You're like spiders' weds? And I'm like, nope. We're reading Charlotte's Web? Yeah, yeah. All right, what do you got?

This is Alicia from Long Beach. Hey, Rat King, Beasting. What's up, girl? I just saw your new segment for Wed, Bed, or Dead. So, Wed, Bed, or Dead. So, Wed, Bed, or Dead. Gabrielle Union, Janet Jackson, or Christina Milian?

Let me know. Love you guys. Damn. Buzz, buzz, sting, sting, all that good stuff. Bye. Buzz, buzz. Gang, gang, man.

She's pretty. Yes, she is. Look at that smile. She's got a beautiful smile, too. Christina Milian. Oh, and suddenly, Derek just took his Orioles hat off all of a sudden.

Damn, Derek. Damn. Frisky, frisky. Yeah, and suddenly Derek just took his Orioles hat off all of a sudden. Damn, Derek. Damn. Frisky, frisky. Yeah, unclaimed territory over there. Vault of less, huh? I would say, I'm going to start off with this. I actually interviewed Christina Milian one time. What?

How long ago? This is probably two, three years ago. She used to hook up with who? Lil Wayne. She was like Lil Wayne's side item. Oh, dude. She is. She was that Kentucky Fried Stickin' for Lil Wayne.

He was just, that was that drive-thru, you know? She's them French toast sticks. Oh, dude, yeah. She seemed like a straight wildcat, dude. Real freak-a-leek, you know? Dude, she's first-team. Somebody that, you know, Flavor Flay would fuck, you know? Yeah, or Brendan Shaw.

Even pre-clock. I'm talking pre-clock before time began, B.C. And so I think Christina Milian would have to be the sex partner. What's the other options? There we go. You got Janet Jackson and Gabrielle Union. Oh, definitely killing Janet Jackson. Well, Janet Jackson.

She looks just like her brother. Yeah. Going to the same doctor to get their noses done. So I can't fuck Michael Jackson, so I'm going to have to kill you. Yeah, man. Yeah, I think also if she keeps looking like Michael, she's going to go on trial for molesting him kids. I know that. They're just confused now, yeah.

At some point, look, if the nose fits, wear it. You know what I'm saying? If the nose fits, we can't acquit. That's what they're saying now. That's what Ronald Glover is saying. Ronald Glover. So I think that that's definitely deceased Janet. R.I.P., though, dude.

R.I.P. Two steps forward, two steps back. That was a hit. I take two steps forward. I take two steps back. One step back. We come together because opposites attract. I'm right now.

I'm right now. Remember as a cartoon cat? Dude, you look like the cat from that video. I don't, dude. Dude, definitely marry Gabriel Union. Are you kidding me, dude? Are you kidding me, dude? Bro, you look like a tennis line judge at EDC, dude.

You look fucking horrible, bro. Dude, you look terrible. You look like somebody who gets hired to fucking cut Tiesto's hair, dude. Tiesto's hair? Anywhere, bro. You look like Caitlyn Jenner's transitioning coach.

Get in there, Caitlyn. We're going to snip the balls today. You got this. Definitely marry Gabriel Union. She is. Yeah, and that's Dwayne Wade's wife, and he seemed like a good man, dude. From every vibe you get out of that guy, he seemed like he's a real stand-up gentleman. He has a gay son.

Does he really? Yeah, 11-year-old, went to a gay parade and shit. Oh, wow, really? That's a little young. First of all, to be sending your kid to a parade. I don't care what type of parade it is. Well, Gabriel went with him, shit. Oh, wow. Really? That's a little young. First of all, to be sending your kid to a parade. I don't care what type of parade it is. Well, Gabriel went with him, though.

Okay. Yeah. He was accompanied by an adult. Oh, that's good. A fine-ass adult. Yeah, because otherwise, dude, you know, all men can be real lascivious,

but you get gay men out there with an 11-year-old that's that body style running around. That's on you. Yeah. That's on you as a parent if he gets molested.

If he has an 11-year-old Dwayne Wade body, what are we talking about? It looks like a 30-year-old. Yeah, dude. Jumping through the roof. Le Bon James, bro. You feel me? Fuck yeah, bro. But anyway, yeah, I think Dwayne Wade seems like a real stand-up dude.

I bet his wife is stand-up. So I'd have to marry Dwayne Wade's wife. I'm with you, but you can switch it out just so we don't agree on everything. I'll marry Christiane Millian. Really? Yeah, since she can't have all my millions. Here she's a real night-milliaire. Yeah. I'm in, man. Yeah, you are.

Hell yeah, I'm in. I can see y'all fighting inside of the interstate. Yeah, me too. I like a challenge. Chris Brown style. Yeah, I can see that, dude. No fighting, though. No fighting. Just shit talk. Just her biting me. Yeah. Okay, I like that, man. What else we got?

Up next, we got, this is from Drew Hutt from Enfield, Nova Scotia, Canada. Oh, wow. So this could be a cry for help. Yo, Theo and Brendan. Drew from Enfield, Nova Scotia, Canada. Hey. Got a wed bed or dead for you. Taking it old school with the Golden Girls. Cool. Hey. Got a Wed, Bed, or Dead for you. Taking it old school with the Golden Girls.

Cool. Nice. Bea Arthur, Betty White, or Rue McClenahan? Which one are you going to Wed, Bed, or Dead? Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz. He was like, nice. First of all, pretty cool, dude, that our show plays back in

time, and that this guy... I'm just joking. I've heard it's beautiful over there in Nova Scotia, man. I've heard it's cold as fuck. Yeah, everybody looks like they're just trying to stay warm. Everyone looks like a white walker. Everybody looks like, yeah. In flannel.

Like a warm walker. Yeah, everybody looks like they're just trying to stay together. But no, that's cool you listen to the show. Man, this is our first guy from Nova Scotia, I think, ever to submit. Yeah, it was positive. And he might have the only electric line out of this. He might have the only cell phone in the entire community. He's probably hiding right now.

That's a great game up there, hide-and-go cell bars. Just searching for service. Hide-and-go communicate. I haven't seen this show in a hot second also great question and still no joke you put an episode of this or fraser on and you are still good to go instead of searching you got a lady comes over middle of the night you putting on fucking these other shitty shows fucking larry in the swamp or fucking who killed randall or any of this shit dude fuck all of that golden girls. Golden Girls and Chill, bro. Oh. Golden Girls and Chill. Dang, bro.

Because Golden Girls, it lets women know, or young men that love the Golden Girls, that you're into that sort of thing. You respect women. Or you can watch Milf porn, whatever you're into. Well, Bea Arthur was a straight G, bro.

Is that the one on the far left? Oh, she was two seasons away from fucking marrying a woman. Yeah, she was kind of the gangster of them, right? She was kind of the leader. Yeah, she was the hard head, kind of. She was the brains of the operation, of that old operation. Not that they were doing too much.

Like, if you remember the shows, all they did was stay at home all day. Yeah. And they just went on for season after season. Oh, yeah, it was awesome. But they did nothing. Well, Stan would stop by sometimes and try to fix shit and see if Dorothy would take him back. Yeah, that's right. I really related to that guy.

Stan was always trying to fuck. Yeah, he was, dude. Betty White's, the other two are dead. I think Betty White's the only one still alive, and she might be a mummy now. She is, I know, a dog lover, or she just can't, doesn't know the difference between dogs and people anymore. I think she's mummified. I'm pretty sure she's a mummy now, but talks. Kind of like Teddy Rupkin, but mummy stuff.

Yeah, like you pull a cord on the back of her? She's like, back in St. Olaf. I'm happy to be here. She's at award shows all the time and shit. She is, man. In the same dress from the 40s. They're propping her up. I'll do an over-under right now, dude, since you lost on that Dustin Poirier fight, dude.

What you want to bet? I'll do an over-under on the Betty White life. I'll go lifespan with you right now on B-dubs. What do you mean? How long will she live, dude? One of us gets over, one of us gets under. over-under on the Betty White life. I'll go lifespan with you right now on B-dubs. What do you mean? How long will she live, dude? One of us gets over, one of us gets under. Over-under 200? Huh?

Over-under 200? I'll go $140. But how long do you think she's going to live, though? I would like... How old is she now, though? I'm not sure. Derek? 100?

I want two-to-one odds for the next 18 months. Ooh, 97. Back nine, bro. It gets bumpy on that back nine. Now, hold on. You're bumpy. She's four-wheeling in life right now in a fucking Volkswagen Beetle. Just fucking.

Oh, a strong jam will take her out, dude. Yeah, bro. A fucking. A nice strawberry preserve. Oh, dude. You're fucked. A little tangy rhubarb pie. Dead.

Dead or just reading. That's a game that she's playing a lot. I'm joking. First of ally rhubarb pie. Dead. Dead or just reading. That's a game that she's playing a lot. I'm joking. First of all, I love Betty White. One of the funniest women out there. Funniest people, but also one of the funniest women. She had a style of her own, man. Sometimes you get a lot of comedians just trying to rip off somebody else's style.

The reason why any of them, I feel like, have success sometimes is because they find their own style. She had a style all her own, and she still will for the next 18 months. Dude, we should play a game. Dead or just having pie? That should be the new game. Pie naps.

Pie or dead? Me and Theo go through people. Are they eating pie or are they dead? Over 18 months? So I get 18 months. I'm going over, bro. Really? Oh, yeah.

She's going to be kicking at least 105. And I bet she might. And so that's beautiful. So we're going $140. I want two to one. Deal. And you get three to one. Deal.

Is that the way odds work or not? I don't know. Either way, I'll give you money. Ask your lady. She's from Baltimore, dude. Your lady will know. Ask her. Baltimore people know what Either way, I'll give you money. Ask your lady. She's from Baltimore, dude. Your lady will know. Ask her. Baltimore people know what's up, bro.

They know numbers because they sell them grams. Oh, damn, dude. What? Graham crackers, maybe, dude. No, Grammy grams. You grew up in a nice area, bro. Jesus Christ, dude. But can I just kill all of them?

Are they all dead? Wow, I would never do that. Look, I have too much respect for these women, man. I'm obviously going to marry Betty because she have too much respect for these women, man. So I'm obviously going to marry Betty because she's still alive and we can share the money. Fine, easy way out.

And then I guess I'll fuck the far one on the left because she was the brain in the operations and then I'll kill the middle one although all of them

are staring fucking the Grim Reaper in the fucking eye every day. No, a lot of beautiful women and Bea Arthur left early. And also, what about Sophia? What was her name?

Do you have her name on there somewhere, Darren? Is that the fourth one? Yeah. There's four? The most golden. Yeah, but I don't know the fourth one. There was a fourth one? She was the bronze girl, yeah.

Damn, I didn't know there was four. The silver sidekick, yeah. Oh, no, you're talking about the silver surfer? Dude, no, you're talking about Three's Company. No, no, no. No, no, there was four. Dude, remember Three's Company? He used to.

I'm knocking on the door. I'm knocking on my door. We've been waiting for you. We've been waiting for you. Three's Company. Three's Company, dude. Three's Company, too. Hotties on there, bro.

Oh, just one dude, two hot chicks. Suzanne Somers, dude. Oh, Suzanne. All, two hot chicks. Suzanne Summers, dude. Oh, Suzanne. And he could never. All the Summers. Bro, he never banged any of them because he was too busy going to open the door all the time. Remember? All the time.

The doorbell would ring. All he would do is rush to get the door. Every episode. He had OCD. And then he would close it and have to fucking fix something and then go back and open it. And be all, yeah, he'd be all crazy. Then he'd run into the kitchen and the dark haired lady would be in there emptying the dishwasher. And she would solve the problems and he'd go back out and ruin it.

It was a great show. Do you remember? What's her name? Do we know her name, Derek? You're talking about the... Oh, no, no, no. You brought up Tales from the Crypt. Sophia from the Golden Girls.

Oh, no. She's in Tales from the Crypt. Same lady. Really? Yeah, same lady. She's in Tales from the Crypt. Yep. What's her name?

The Crypt Keeper. Sophia Petria? Sophia Petria. No, that's her stage name. Crypt Keeper. Sofia Patrio? Sofia Patrio. No, that's her stage name. Dude, I had no idea there's four of them. Also, I'm young, so I didn't really get into the show. Maybe not. Sofia Patrio.

No, her real name's Sofia Patrio. No, I think... Dude. What's it say? Sofia Patrio. Estelle Getty. That's her real name. Estelle Getty.

That's her real name. Thank you. Estelle Getty. Estelle Getty. Look how beautiful she was when she was a young lady. Was most likely born in 1905 in Sicily she looks like

fucking Greg Popovich his little side piece dude she looks like Drew Carey if he got super thin she looks like Drew Careless bro

she looks fucking I'm joking she's a beautiful lady she looks like she's best friends with the fucking touch of death bro she's a nice looking lady

I didn't want to go too dark on her well let's just answer the guy's question I don't want to fuck any of them. I don't want to marry either of them. Wow, you're heartless. Look, man, I know that our senior citizens need love.

As the child of a senior citizen, I grew up watching these women and thinking they were fine as fuck, dude. That's your style. My dad told me they were. I can see that. I can see that. Blanche was always a hot one, but she never really did it for me. I like that stern woman, so I go with that tall piece of water. She would boss you around.

I'd go with that tall fucking nice sickle right there. Grahamcracker and a titty sack. That Grahamcracker crunch. Boy, what's her name? Beverly. Dorothy. Dorothy. Yeah, I'd go with Dorothy, baby.

You know what I'm saying? There's no place like home. You feel me? The bear went over to the mountain to see what he could see, boy. And so I would make love to Dorothy, and then I would marry Betty White because she's going to be entertaining, we're going to have a great time. And then I kill the old

one that's missing from the picture. And by kill her, do you mean you would just shut a door around her? Do you just die from the air? No, I'd drop a book about six feet from her back behind her. To kill her, I'd toss her my backpack. Oh, damn, yeah. Damn, dude, you are ice cold, man.

Wow, bro. Wow, dude. I'm going to start calling you Glance Armstrong, dude, because I look over at you and I see a real fucking piece of shit. It's stillelling EPO. You are. Dang. Ice cold today. Drink out of your big fucking wine bucket there.

Dude, I'll toss her this if I want to kill her. Have a sip, bitch. Yeah, make her clean out your coffee cup once. She'll fucking dislocate her hip getting down in there on the ladder. You need to get your life together, man. I need back some coffee, bro. Bro, there's a plant at home at your house that's fucking just laying out. It has no pot today because you chose to fucking drink out of it, bro.

You dirty reforester. All right, then. And then so then I would, yeah, I would decease the old one. And then because the other three are still, you know, you got to keep the living living. They still got some time to kill. And so I would have them three be alive for sex. And I'd kill them all. Relationship and marriage.

Wow. Okay. And there you go. What else we got? Up next, we got King Interstingent. Yay, yay. Up first is Maddie Mack from Santa Monica. Ooh, Maddie Mack.

Ooh, a local. Hey, what's up, boys? It's Maddie Mack again. Last time you saw me, I was singing that song I wrote for you guys. On the beach. On Venice Beach. Ooh, Matty Mac. On the beach! Oh, that was a dope ass song. Gang gang, baby. They're lying. has helped them through some dark times. So thank you for giving me the opportunity to help some people out. But I got a different King It or Sting It today. I'm going to go into my other area of expertise.

So I want to know, King It or Sting It, this custom King It or Sting It buzzer. So here we go. It is a completely custom King It or Sting It buzzer box from scratch. I 3D designed the whole thing. I printed it with my 3D printer. And I used my electrical engineering degree to oh he's a terrorist guess of this so

you're gonna see when we turn it's trying to put a bomb in from Jersey and we have a king it button and we have a sting it button. Dude, that shit is fire. There's something in the back there special for you. And we have a volume knob because this thing will get pretty loud. I know you guys had issues on one of the other podcasts. You said something about the batteries. And it's probably easier for Theo to get batteries. He can just grab them when he's finishing up his shift at his dad's hardware store.

But we don't have time for batteries. So plug it in. It's recharging. Damn. So yeah, if you like it, I'm right here in Santa Monica. so plug it in. It's recharged. Damn. So, yeah, if you like it, I'm right here in Santa Monica, so just let me know how to get it to you. And I love you guys. Keep doing what you do.

Gang ass motherfucking buzz. Dang, gang buzz. Bro. Oh, my God, dude. Is that our dad? I feel like our dad just stopped by and told us. Me, too, for Christmas. We didn't think he was going to come.

He busted us. He dropped off some gifts. That's Matty Mac, New Jersey. Matty Matt. Dude, I can't wait to get rid of that. Yeah, Matty Mac from Santa Monica. M-A-C or M-A-T-T? M-A-C.

Matty Mac. Matty Mac NJ. That dude. You can find him on Matty Mac NJ on Instagram. And hopefully he'll put that buzzer up there so people can go get a peek at it. It's pretty dope, man. Wow. Hopefully we get that buzzer in studio.

He has a degree. Now, I know there's part of it where you probably didn't know what was going on. Which part? A degree is, it's like a, if you go to school for an extended period of time, they give you an award at the end. You get an award? Yeah. Oh, no matter what?

That's what he did. Now, do they give it away no matter what, like your mom did? Is that how it works? She's like, you know what? Just take it. I had this printed out for years now. Just take it. Just fucking take it.

You got all Ds, but whatever. You put in the effort, I guess. By putting effort, you woke up today. Here you go. Hey, you get an F for effort. F for effort, baby. Shout out to that dude. We got to get that in here.

That was dope. Yeah, man. That's crazy. That's sick. What do we even do? I feel like we should watch the tutorial again, man. God, it was good, man. That was dope. Yeah, man. That's crazy. That's sick. What do we even do? I feel like we should watch the tutorial again, man. God, it was good, man. That was good. This song is dope.

Is this still the outro song or did we switch it? I don't... We used the beatbox? So we should alternate them then. It'd be pretty cool probably, huh? Yeah, we should definitely put his back in. It's the king in the scene. Talking about anything. It's the king in the scene. Oh, anything. It's the king and the sting.

Oh, you went reggae with it. That's cool. It's the king and the sting. King is right down by the beach. Boy. Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, man. Get that pussy boy. Bucker, bucka, buzz, buzz, buzz.

Rat, rat, rat. What do we got next? Gang, gang. Buzz, buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz, rats, rats. What do we got next? Gang, gang. Boss, boss, boss. Boss, boss, boss. Boss, boss, boss. Who wants a little bit of Starbucks? Come into the Starbucks.

Dude, one time I was in somewhere tropical, you know? Sure. Kind of, I think, it could have been Barbados or it could have been Haiti. Sure. Somewhere kind of chocolate and tropical, right? Florida. it could have been Barbados or it could have been Haiti. Sure. Somewhere kind of chocolate and tropical, right? Florida. It could have been Florida, dude.

And, dude, they had a Starbucks sign outside of a business, right? So I'm like, oh, it's a Starbucks, right? I go inside. Standard Starbucks. Dude, the lady's like, hey, welcome to the Starbucks lounge. That's what she said. There's no lounge at Starbucks. There was like four people just hanging out in there. She's like, can I get you a smoothie?

A smoothie. He had just taken a Starbucks sign and put it up outside. Making fucking pineapple smoothies. Starbucks don't have no pineapple smoothies. Bro, they had a little fish thing with no fish in it. And then they had a blender and some people playing dominoes, man. Sounds awesome. But I'll tell you what we stayed for a long time, bro. It was a good time.

Smoked a couple of joints. Best Starbucks I've ever been to in my entire fucking life, dude. Dark roast, man. Yeah, yeah. Come get the Caribbean. Go, go, go, go. Bus. Soccer balls flying through the air while you drink.

Just fucking. What was that lady's question? We haven't even got to the question yet. This is Cody from Utah. Cody from Utah. Hey, what's up, Theo? Brendan? This is Cody coming to you out of Utah

here with my boy, Kofor. What's up, dude? What's up? Beautiful animal. It's a wolf. here with my boy Topher what's up dude what's up so uh beautiful I can't get or sting it for you it's a wolf um dogs

with human names like Roger or Bobby Topher's actually named out of or named after

uh Chris D'Elia's character in that one episode of Workaholics. Oh, yes.

Chris actually hates when I refer to him as that. So, yeah, my dog's named after a fictional pedophile. I'm not sure if he's a pedophile. We don't really let him around puppies. Well, it's up to him if he wants to be. Yeah, don't limit him. I don't want that kind of bad juju on me in my life anyway.

Giggity gag gang, biggity buzz buzz. Giddy. Thanks for doing what you do. Word up, dog. I think if you got a basic dog, you're a human name. Not Matt, though. Not like Dave. That sucks for the dog. But also,

I can see if you have one of those spud mckenzie dogs i forget what they're called you know what those spud mckenzie dogs they look like scotty pippen like if you're if you got a spud mckenzie dog and it looks like scotty pippen call him scotty that's cool yeah that's pretty cool if you have a specific type of animal you call if you have a chihuahua with a mullet, call it Theo. Oh, yeah, dude. I like that idea. That's a Spud McKenzie right there. Oh, Bull Terrier. That's right.

Bull Terrier. Do you remember Spud McKenzie? Like the party. Bro, he had, on the shirts, he was drinking beer. Yeah, I used to have one. Dude, that dog was really exceptional. He was an apple. Remember Ren 1010?

Canine cop. He was a dog, and he helped people. Last, he helped find, helped Timmy find somebody who was always in a hole, like about 80 feet from his house. God, they didn't get very creative. Which was unbelievable. Yeah, Lassie was some bullshit. Every time. It was like some dude got stuck in a hole.

And she'd just bark. Yeah. And they're like, oh, she's so smart. Yeah, and then he would bring a rope over there. Remember Mr. Ed? Oh, yeah. A horse? A horse is a horse.

Of course. No one can talk to a horse. Of course. God, yeah. A horse. A horse is a horse. Of course. No one can talk to a horse. Of course. God, old school, dude. A horse that has, of course, the famous Mr. Ed. Yeah, that's right, dude. Fucking love that show. Nick at night, dude.

Dude, Nick all night. Oh, bro, I'd stay up, dude. Black and white television, dude. Fuck, yeah. Just praying for color, bro. And then the Lord came through. Yeah, he did. Who was this guy?

The Lord with the markers. Cody from Utah. color, bro. And then the Lord came through. Yeah, he did. Who was this guy? The Lord with the markers. Cody from Utah. Oh, yeah. Now, if your dog, now, I ran across this one time. They had a lady with a service animal named after her brother who had been hit by a vehicle and died. And I felt like it just seemed like a lot of pressure on the dog, you know? I can see that. You know?

And, like, she'd be like greg yeah it's probably pretty sad still yeah yeah and it was first name and middle name the dog had of her brother that had passed away and it's just but also it's confusing like if we're at a dog park and people like brendan he named your fucking poodle brendan yeah what are you doing dude give it a fucking dog name yeah dogs for a reason or chelsea handler yeah what are you doing, dude? Give it a fucking dog name. Your dog's for a reason. Or Chelsea Handler. Yeah, what are you doing? Yeah, I feel you, dude. If the dog has a dick nose, name it Brendan.

Yeah. If the dog has fucking dope hair, nice clavicles, name it Theodore. But yeah, you can't have the name like Sherman. No, Eddie. Granddad. Granddad Wilson. That can't be your fucking dog's name. Gertrude. Greyhound. What do you think on this, Derek? I feel like we're coming to a standstill. I can't listen to Brennan talk.

I need a break. Go on. I think name your dog a dog name and then get a real friend in real life and they'll have a real name. Okay. It seems kind of desperate, doesn't it? Yeah. You just want to hang out with some dude, clearly. Go get a real friend. Yeah.

If you got all nine dogs, one of them is just named Fine Ass Man at that one point. What? It just means that you might be a lonely woman. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's exactly what's going on. Or if you're a woman and you got like six dogs, you know. But no single woman has dogs.

She always has cats, doesn't she? She doesn't fuck with the dogs. Oh, I wonder why. Remember there was that one lady who had that pet monkey and was just fucking the monkey? And remember he ripped her face off in hand? What, bro? You ever saw that Geraldo? Uh-uh.

Yeah, and the monkey, they were giving the monkey like wine and Xanax and shit. And he was in a robe. She would like suck him off. And then one day she came over with another dude. and he was like, what the fuck is this? Cool story. Even though I'm on Xanax and on red wine, I'm going to rip your face and hands off. True story. Look it up, dude.

Really? Yeah. You got to be careful with apes. His name was Dave. That sounds like an after party at Joe Rogan's place. To be honest with you, that's a real chimp. That's what really happened, bro. Yeah, dude.

Was it a welterweight chimp? What weight class are we talking? Chimp's named Joe Rogan. I don't know. Why do women, let's go to Kat. She's a female currently and we're not judging you

if you want to do whatever you want to do, Kat. Brennan's kind of a real bitch, but I'll say this. Yeah, it's your life is what I meant. What you do is transition into alien. Do whatever you want to do whatever you want to do, Kat. Brennan's kind of a real bitch, but I'll say this. It's your life. It's your life is what I meant. He's transitioning to alien. Do whatever you want. I'm transitioning into a fucking hardware store worker's son.

What do you think women do? Why do women have cats and not dogs? Stray women. Lonely women. People say that dogs are more like children and cats are more like roommates. I think that's to fill the void of not having somebody. I'm not a cat guy.

Are you a cat guy? Nope. I try to be. I try to wake up sometimes in the morning like, oh, I could do it. I could do it today. I could love a cat. I could care. I could come home and look for it.

They don't care. No, cats are serial killers. That look for it. They don't care. No, cats are serial killers. That's the thing. They don't care. If they cared a little, if a cat, never have I been in a neighborhood a stray cat comes up. Hey. Put some effort in.

Yeah. You want love, put effort in. Stray cats hiding. It's a one-way road. They eat and fucking go hide forever. They don't give a fuck, bro. No, dude. We should not be on their planet.

That's where I think we landed early. They might be aliens. Well, I don't know. Dude bro we should not be on their planet that's where i think we landed early they might be aliens well i don't know dude i was thinking and also get your asshole out of my face cats tails are always up and their asses are just hanging out i mean that's kind of the sexy part i think of them interesting but it makes sense though but yeah i think that's a good point cat that a lot of you know if you a dog is more like something you really have to take care of a cat you can and cats eat you when you. How many times are we going to read that news article? Correct. Every day. It's getting old, CNN.

Woman had nine cats. Yeah. Or CNN will be like nine Republican cats ate a woman after she died. God. It's getting really old. Yeah, sure. CNN. It's getting real old. All right. Let's keep it moving. But good question, man. Yeah. Unless your dog is like, if it's getting real scary, you know? Like my father. If you name him Danny or Ralph, I'll entertain Ralph.

Yeah. Or Ralph-I-L, as Vernon often refers to one of the Ninja Turtles. Yeah. I dig it. Up next, this is from Rachel Mello. Rachel Mello. What's up, guys? This this is from Rachel Mello. Rachel Mello. What's up, guys? This is Rachel from Denver, Colorado.

Do you own seven mood rings? I have a King Gator Sting for you. Female strippers. What do you think about them? Would you date one? Yeah. Just give me your thoughts about it. Also, fucking love you dudes. You guys are awesome.

Just finished watching your most recent podcast. Yeah. Love you guys. Gang, gang. Calm down, Brynn. Close your mouth, bro. I don't do anything. Dude, you have a boner. No, I don't, dude. You look like you want to get your dick sucked and buy some turquoise off

of her. Relax, bro. Well, apparently that is true. But the boner part isn't. Boner patrol! I'll take the boner order of one for Theo, please. Look, man, all I'm saying is you got 18 months

to fucking kill... I got 18 months to kill Betty White. Get that money. So I'll buy a couple voodoo dolls off this bad yeah, this bad young lady right here. Dark. Mallory, what's her name? Her name was Rachel. Rachel, sorry.

Female strippers? Yeah. Fuck yeah, dude. What do you like about them, Brendan? They're awesome, man. Good people. They're really good at communication. Might have daddy issues, but they have good communication. They'll listen to your problems. They're basically therapists with fine-ass bodies and tits.

You can go there and just get your problems out. Then get your fucking blue balls. You pay them, and it's half the price of a therapist. I dig it, man. I celebrate. Honestly, some of the best people I know are strippers. Really? Yeah, they got their shit together.

They work hard. They own houses and shit. The biggest king of all time. And I'm a fan of her and her turquoise and mood rings. Dang. Okay. Somebody. Yeah, she definitely seems like Willie Nelson's daughter, kind of.

She kind of has that vibe a little bit. Or Criss Angel's. Yeah, she definitely seems like, yeah, something Criss Angel pulled out of a sexy-ass hat. Here's what I would like to say. What was she talking about? Female strippers. Oh, female strippers, yeah. As compared to male strippers, yeah. What I don't like is they only do it indoors. It's only in these

secret spots. I'd love to just be going for a run and you see a female stripper over there just earning money with a hat out there by a palm tree. Bro. Outdoor strippers, dude. Get a tan, bitch. Yeah, why is stripping just become an indoor event where you have to be in these dark, seedy places where some other corporation is making money off you selling alcohol and charging a cover that you don't get any of the pennies for?

Why don't you be able to, especially in some of these states like Colorado. It's slavery, really. It really is in a lot of ways. Like, why can't I go to Venice Beach and see some dude in his lap dance, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, you should be able to. Skateboard and lap dance. Yeah, you can have, somebody can have a kiosk in the mall selling you bullshit-ass hand lotion,

but fucking D'Andra right here can't fucking show a little bit of work down there by the beach, you know? Right by the beach. But I can get my back rubbed at the fucking mall, but I can't get my dick rubbed with her ass cheeks. Same thing, bro. Do it through my dockers.

Do it through the dockers. That's your brand. Here's a little tip for you pros. Here's a little tip. Wear sweats to the club. Really? Yeah, bro. Paper thin, bro.

We busted. We busted. I'm paying VIP prices. Oh, my God, dude. Are you a guy who's just saying he's ejaculating inside of buildings at night? Yeah, in sweats. Well, that's crazy, bro. My thin Reebok sweats.

Oh, dude, you're a future middle school PE teacher. Yeah. Easy. Junior high if you really want to see some young tit. Bring it on. Shotgun willies, baby. First team all shotgun willies. You hear what I'm saying?

Yeah. Yeah, you seem like a nice young lady. Nice teeth. Yeah, beautiful young lady. I think female strippers is fine. You know, I've had ladies that have danced in my family. And, you know, it's, I mean, it's, they're very similar to me to comedians because they get on stage. They're kind of putting it all out there, but in a different kind of way.

But in a way, they're really kind of. Entertaining. Yeah, they're entertaining. You it all out there but in a different kind of way but in a way they're really kind of entertaining you're up late at night you're just entertaining you know and you're using whatever you have a way that you enjoy entertaining people you're using that to be entertaining but here's the thing cut the shit give me your real name don't tell me your name's Cinnabon

that's not helping me that ruins my boner if anything be like the guy who names his dog the real names at least give yourself a real name. Yeah, let's go with— You can be hot name Earl. I'm cool with that. Yeah, don't pick a strip mall name or an airport strip mall name.

This is an issue, I think, new issue with strippers or strippers, as some people call them. Oh, what's your name? Peach, bitch? No one's naming their kid Peach. Yeah, a lot—yeah, the names also, they're picking names out of, like, airport, like, Aunt Annie. Yeah. That ain't your name. Also, here's another great thing. St airport, like Aunt Annie. Like, that ain't your name. Also, here's another great thing.

Strip Club's the DJ. It's Cindy, come on down. I love that shit. You do? Check out Cinnabon. Yeah. Yeah, fuck yeah. Yeah, but they all have those.

I love that shit. Town Cryer. Like, that's not your name. That is a newsstand at an airport. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, it doesn't make sense, dude. They're picking names they just saw in the airport. My name's Cherry.

My name's Chick-fil-A. My name's wheelchair accessible bathroom. I don't believe that. You gotta make up a name that is more fun and exciting. What about Vertigo? We used to have this stripper. Back in Louisiana, she'd get dizzy on stage

and fall off and Vertigo would come on the stage. Fuck yeah. And so all the guys would kind of put their arms up. It was like watching a bumper bowling that wouldn't end. Oh, dude, that's great. And they had tits. Yeah. Fuck yeah, man.

That's pretty cool, man. So I'd like to see more adventurous stripping, more rogue stripping. Blindfold yourselves. Yeah, it's easy to be on the stage and stay on the pole when you can see everything. You know what I'm saying? Be that risky. What about that free solo? Wasn't that a thing?

Yeah. Where's free solo the stripper? I'd love to. Climb a rock naked. Yeah. You know how many people watch that? Climb these poles. Climb the rock without a rope.

Yeah, free polo. And it's just the tallest pole is 700 feet high. You just keep going up. Yeah, and it's greased up. Yeah, it's greased up. And we just watch you try to survive it. And the grease is changed at different levels, dude. Yeah, it gets hotter as you go up. Yeah, it gets hotter as you go up.

Yeah, it gets hotter as you go up. That shit's dope, man. Some are athletic, dude. Oh, dude, yeah. Some of them put their ass cheeks just on the bar, and it clubs the bar like this. Sometimes you'll see the girl that will hold the bar with her ass cheeks and hands and arms straight out away from the bar. Unbelievable, bro. Real talent.

That's me, real talent. It's different times, man. I like to have a stripper draft. Yeah. Yeah, like. Real talent. That's me. Real talent. It's different times, man. I think I have a stripper draft. Yeah. Yeah, like a seven-round draft. They're just the hottest strippers in America. You ever been to Magic City in Atlanta? No, I don't do all of that, man. I don't go to strip

clubs, man. Well, you haven't been to this strip club. If you want to lose all your money, go to a show down there. Go to fucking Magic City. Dang. You ever seen any rap video ever? That's where they're at, bro. Really? And they would love to get their hands on your gender-neutral haircut.

What are they doing? What's wrong with them? What are they doing? Celebrating life with their ass. Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, making it twerk. Pop, pop, pop. My bank account, when they go, pop, pop, pop, my bank account goes, gee, gee, gee, gee, gee, gee.

Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. My bank goes, cock, cock, pop, pop, pop, my bank account goes, gee, gee, gee, gee, gee, gee, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. My bank goes, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut. It looks unsafe, a lot of the movements. It looks like, is there a Magic City chiropractor club right next door? Oh, yeah, bro. Yeah, they're snapping necks, snapping checks, bro. Yep. Snapping necks and cashing checks.

But look, I've been to some strippers over there. You had to throw up? Huh? You had to throw up, dude? I'm on keto diet, dude. Ah, word. Okay? I'll lick that fucking facial moisturizer off of you because it looks like it fucking has sugar in it right now.

Because it looks like it has fat in it? Huh? You're trying to lose weight? No, I don't know. You're thin, bro. What are you trying to lose weight for? I don't know. Somebody told me about the diet, and so I started it. All right. I'm proud of you, man. Stick know. You're always thin, bro. What are you trying to lose weight for? I don't know. Somebody told me about the diet

and so I started it. Alright, I'm proud of you, man. Keep, stick with it. It's miserable. Dude almost cried him own mouth for flavor last night. Did you have, uh, you have the keto flu? How long you been doing it? There's such thing as the keto flu where like... Six days. Ooh, yeah, you're in the thick of it, brother. You're almost on the end, though. I can't see that far. You remember when Andy Dufresne

crawled through that shit? Yeah. You're like halfway right there. They said it would take a man 600 years to get out of this here prison. Sam and a dolla. But Andy Dufresne, they didn't last in 20. Sometimes the ladies won. Yeah. I wish I could say he never won. Old Riverboat used to live right there.

Morgan Freeman, he a good stripper. Get busy living or get busy dying. That's what they said. Yeah. Morgan Freeman be a good stripper, huh? Yeah, with them freckles. Yeah. I like freckles.

Give me a couple dollars, Morgan. Give me a couple dollars. You smoke crack, don't you, boy? Don't you, Sam's? Jump, Sam's! Uh, what, obviously, King stripper. Strip in the gates and seize the day. Oh, that's Newsies.

King it, man. I think, here's one thing. If you do get sexually involved with strippers sometimes, if they're cool chicks, not if they're psychos and they built like a little Clydesdale. Sometimes you find these ladies off the interstate and they built like a damn little Clydesdale, you know? Like somebody in their house and their genealogy is part Shetland, you know? Some of them look like they had a piece of work of tattoos all over their ass. I celebrate it, man. Some of the most famous people you know start off as strippers.

That's true. Cardi B. Yeah. Blac Chyna. Sylvester Stallone. Just to name a few. Let's say this. I'm going to go with this. Blac Chyna, more black than Chyna. I'd say more Chyna than black. Really? Yeah. Okay. Prove it. Tell me why. Look at her face. Really? It's like this. First of all, she looks white.

Let's bring that up. Her face is like this. Look at my eyes. Black or Chinese? I's like this. First of all, she looks white. Let's bring that up. Her face is like this. Look at my eyes. Black or Chinese? I don't know. I look... That's Nicki Minaj. You know what? They look very similar.

No, they do. Dude, hold up. Not, dude. That body? Black. That face? China. You think so?

Yeah. I'm a looking. I'm a liking. Oh, that face? Oh, no. That face? You black or Chinese, you'd say? Yeah. I don't looking, I'm a liking. Oh, no, that face? You black or Chinese, you'd say? Yeah.

I don't know if that is a race. Yeah, but I think, yeah, black China more black than China, I think. But that'd be a good King Edder singing to think about more. What do you think, Derek? I'm seeing black. Them lips.

Yeah. Oh, come on, bro. Lip of sippy right there, boy. Mrs. Lippy, dude. She got them real heat pieces right there. Smack, smack. You ever seen her sex tape? Huh?

You ever seen her sex tape? No, I don't watch all of that. Oh, that's right. You can't. I can. I choose not to. I'll describe it to you. Make solid choices in my life.

I'll text it to you. No, I don't want you to text me an 11-minute video to my phone, okay? All right. So that I can't. No, I'll just give you the bullet points. I can imagine what happens.'s sex bro it's people fucking each other looking at the camera a black guy licks his lips and then the you know it's over and it's the skinniest black guy you've ever seen is it really he's so skinny so skinny yeah that's what i'm saying i would watch that

take that fucking camera stand he's so skinny oh my god bro well at least you out racist me dude because i was feeling pretty racist and so on really i just assume you're racist with your haircut no what else we got we got relationship advice oh my fave relationship advice should we be allowed to give any advice on anything after my celebration of strippers do you really want to hear from me? Yeah, bro. I got a fucking race hat on that I've never raced in. Yeah, like a gay cyclist. You look like fucking Prance Armstrong.

Prance Armstrong. Up first, you look like the fucking eighth reindeer. I think. You look like the eighth reindeer. All right, man. What else do we got? You look like the eighth reindeer, All right, man. What else do we got? You look like the eighth reindeer, Skittles. That's what you look like.

Up first, this guy, no name from this guy. No name. Okay, hold on. Oh, that's Machine Gun Kelly. That's Machine Gun Kelly. He's a famous rapper. It looks like Handgun Jackson is who it looks like, bro. This dude.

It looks like he has a limited supply of bullets, bro. This ain't MGK, bro. But let's roll with him. I like this shit. Yeah, his hair is frizzy. Split ends, split ends. I've got some big relationship advice I need from you guys. I don't know if this has happened to anyone you know or yourself, but...

Well, I'd say speak up first of all. I could roll like a girl at the start. And then... He's scarless, man. For no reason. I'll run and I'll lose all feelings. yourself but well i'd say speak up first of all i could go at the start and then he's for no reason i'll run them i like lose all feelings she's left i've done the business with them but one guy i waited for a while to do that and it still happened so if you can maybe help me know what it is then i'd appreciate it goodbye is this brad sean pitt connery dude dude? This guy, I think just embodied... Is he in Fight Club?

I think he is. Did he just... First of all... Confess he murdered somebody and can't get over it? If you've only listened to this show, then you have to go to YouTube and watch this now

because this is just an unprecedented video. This is... This is everything, man. This is a young man who could be trapped, who has a very Brad Pitt fight club type of vibe going on. A little bit of Eminem, 8 Mile, Eminem, I Am Stan vibe going on.

Yeah, he's got a little bit of I Am Stan. He's either in Britain or Scotland. Maybe, or he's just from Ohio, and we can't hear him really. Now let's play this man, but let's run him back. So, King and the Sting, I've got some big relationship advice I need from you guys. I don't know if this has happened to anyone you know or yourselves, but I could really like a girl at the start, and then for no reason, I'll run them.

I like lose old feelings. How old is she? She's left. I've done the business with them. But one guy I waited for a while to do that, and it still happened. So if you can maybe help me in all this, then I'd appreciate it. Goodbye. How old is he? You heard somebody coming in the distance, and he said goodbye real fast.

Not exactly. I mean somebody showing up physically. No, yeah. Someone was coming to arrest him, I think. No, but the thing is, A, how old is he? B, I think what's going on here, he just might be young, so he's trying to bust nuts. You just haven't met the right one. You meet the right one, you bust nuts, you still want to hang out.

Yeah. That's what's going on here. You're just hanging out with chicken heads, dude. Yeah, you're just, yeah, I mean, you probably just haven't found anybody that you liked. And it used to be if you didn't find anybody that you liked, they wouldn't fuck you. And now they'll fuck you anyway. Yeah, because they hate you. They'll fuck you. Yeah, people will fuck you just to get you to leave them alone sometimes you liked, they wouldn't fuck you, and now they'll fuck you anyway. Yeah, because they hate you. They'll fuck you. Yeah.

People will fuck you just to get you to leave them alone sometimes. Yep, just to leave. So I don't know what this guy's talking about, honestly. Where do you think, Derek? What's going on here? I feel like you have a closer. He's asking. Every time he has sex with a girl, he loses interest.

And he has this new girl that he likes, so he's wondering, should he proceed with the sex? But he's worried he'll lose interest, or should he just go on a real date? It's called ejaculating, dude. Every time you're sexed with a girl, you lose interest, and then you start thinking about a different girl that you like. That's called ejaculation. It's called being a man. It's not called being a man, I don't think.

It's called ejaculating, dude. You're busting nuts, dude. I just don't think he's met the right one. I gotta know how old he is, but I don't think he's met the right one. Yeah. I got to know how old he is, but I don't think he's met the right one. That happens all the time. I don't want to know how old he is. I'm just going to assume he's an adult, okay? You'll put up with some shit in order to fuck a girl.

And once you get it done, you're like, wow, she's some really racist shit. I'm out. Yeah. I'm like, I guess I'll go to this rally. Sure, I guess. And as soon as I bust, she's like, where are you? I'm like, I can't make it. I'm sorry.

I can't make it. It's just some really racist shit, man. I'm out. Once again, I'm off the racist hook. So thank you, Brendan. Good luck, man. All right, let's keep it cruising. What do you guys say?

What do we say to this guy? What do you say, Kat? Let's get a female perspective. Let's get a female perspective from abroad. You say it from abroad? Wow. Back to the racist card. I agree with Brendan.

I just don't think he met the one. Plus, he's young. He needs to hoe around a bit. Yeah, bust nuts, dude. He'll find one. Jesus Christ, man. Let's have these new women saying he needs to hoe around, dude. Dude, Cat knows the deal.

That's what kids do these days, man. I know. It's just hard to hear sometimes. You got to fish until you catch the right one, you know? You got to keep throwing, Cat knows the deal. That's what kids do these days, man. I know. It's just hard to hear sometimes. You got to fish until you catch the right one, you know? You got to keep throwing them back in the ocean. Finally, you get one. Ooh, I'm going to snack on this. Yeah.

Catch that grouper, bro. Right there catching minnows. Busting nuts, catching minnows. Catch that big old grouper to suck y'all. Yeah. Damn, what, dude? I don't even know what I'm talking about. I know that.

I'm sorry. Are we going to the zoo? If I ever go on a men's fishing trip. Wait, he's on a fishing trip? Next. Let's go next. Let's keep it moving. Up next, we got Josh Brochill from North Dakota.

Gang. Josh Brochill. Theo, Brendan, what up? Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. JBC, Josh Brochill. Coming at you from North Dakota. Just sitting in the control room. Damn.

Got the podcast going in the background. What's he control? Asking for a little bit of relationship advice. So I got this girl that lives out in Colorado. We used to date. 303, bro. We see each other actually pretty often. We make trips to see each other.

That's beautiful. pretty often. We make trips to see each other. That's beautiful. It feels like we still kind of like each other but we won't do the long distance thing. What do you think? Should I give it up and move on or

should I just keep doing what I'm doing and making those flights out there to get that poontay? Well, hopefully she doesn't see this. She's not going to like that. But she knows, apparently she knows what's going on. He's the one making the trips,

so she's getting, you know, he's definitely doing a, you know, there's some chivalry in that and the fact that he's spending the money to go there. For sure, but he also works for NASA Control Center. Did you see his setup? Jesus Christ. He did have nine computers.

19 computer screens. Definitely. My God. Well, soon you'll be able to exterminate the earth between you and her. Yeah. Soon you'll be able to upload her in your living room, sir, by the looks of it. I need to know, with long distance, what does she do for work? And obviously you do something important for work.

Otherwise, you don't need 19 TV screens. Yeah, Josh, bro, chill, man. Yeah, bro, for sure, chill, bro. So I think, depending on how much money you make, talk into moving up to North Dakota. Now, that's a tough sell, sir, because Denver's popping. Trust me, born and raised. And they call it Menver, too, dude. A lot of men up there.

And a lot of women, too, though, dude. And a lot of the landslides, it's just too many men have ejaculated over a season, and it just kind of pulls the land out. It's just all that moisture hits and pulls the land down. We call it Cinnabon season. Ooh. Extra glisten on it. Dude, I was at a muffin stop one time

and some girl tried to order a Cinnabon. Dumb bitch. And she's like, this is just muffins here. Give me that Cinnabon. Did you see how I glazed, this is just muffins here. Give me that Cinnabon. Did you say outglaze your muffin? She goes, put extra glistening on it. That's what she said. I was like, okay.

She wants that sticky middle. Okay. No, no, no. I'm saying that's a real thing. You just eat the middles. Do you know that? Because that's everyone's favorite part is the middle. You can order just the middles from Cinnabon. First of all, and you wonder why there's sex crimes going on when Cinnabon's offering just the middles from Cinnabon. First of all, and you wonder why there's sex crimes going on

when Cinnabon's offering just the middle. Meanwhile, you wonder why young women are getting molested across America and in a lot of high-end neighborhoods that are politically motivated circles. Dude, you've never had that good of a summer? According to Sam Tripoli. Sam Tripoli.

With this dude. Bro Chill, bro. First of all, Bro Chill, you have got to open up some type of a business up there where you live because that name alone in Denver. Bro Chill, dude, you would kill it. Open a CBD fucking company in Denver. Bro Chill CBD or even just a snow cone. Open the warm snow cone, bro.

Bro Chill's warm snow cones. Duh. Hawaiian ice, bro. Yeah, bro. Brochil's warm snow cones. Duh. Hawaiian ice, bro. Hawaiian ice in Denver. Brochil Hawaiian ice. Shaved Hawaiian ice. Brochil's fucking ball bags, dude. Just sell fucking images of your ball bags.

Polaroids, autograph, $4 a pop. Dude, I like this. Open a kiosk in the fucking Denver mall. Chill, bro, chill. But with the lady, I think here's the thing. You'll do what you're going to do. For me, it seems like I'll do what I'm going to do until something else comes along that piques my interest more or that there's a reason why you're doing it. And some of it might

be reasons you don't even know. You might care more about the girl than you know. It might be like it gives you something to do. It gives you an excuse. You like going flying over there. Let me drop some knowledge though, but it also might work because you don you an excuse. You like going flying over there. Let me drop some knowledge, though. But it also might work because you don't live together. You're not actually in a relationship. You like the idea of flying there, busting nuts for two or three days, and flying back to North Dakota. Yeah.

But you guys haven't spent a lot of time around each other. It's not real to spend a lot of time around each other. It's very true, man. Nothing's nicer than being able to get away from someone that you love often. And you have that right now. So that could be a blessing. Yeah, so you might be living the dream, brother. Yeah, you might be living.

Good luck. Yeah, bro, chill, bro, chill, bro. Chill, bro, chill, chill, bro. Hot dogs. We're going to get into some flaunt my aunt. You guys ready? Yeah. I love aunts.

Start with mom Angie here. This is mama Angie. I feel like I've met her before. Can you tell us a little bit about her, Derek? Mama Angie is, she loves working out, going to flea markets, and she can squat 630 pounds. How much is that, Brendan? She cannot squat,

what'd she say, 630 pounds? That's what she said, 630. That's what someone said. Maybe if she's on those Khabib pills, man. No. Sorry, I'm joking. She looks like she's on them fucking Khabib pills.

She's swole, bro. She's also pushing her body very hard up in one direction. She's very directional. She has bigger guns than both of us, though. I love her hands. She has the hands you see on a lot of those prayer videos at church. Go zoom in just on the hands. Look at that.

You ever see on those videos of donation and prayer and stuff at church? Go just zoom in just on the hands. Oh, look at that. You ever see like on those videos of like donation and prayer and stuff at church? Yeah. Like Happy Hearth or whatever, or, you know, the Happy Hearth congregation on the sign. They have this. That looks like every guy's black tattoo of praying hands. Yeah. That's what it looks like. Yeah, every stripper going back to, yeah.

Yeah. Every outdoor stripper from Denver. She looks like a bricklayer. Look at those hands, bro. Oh, lay that brick, baby. God damn. Oh, you could build a dang vestibule around me if she wanted. I think she's beautiful, man.

Let's zoom out on her a little bit. Listen, if I was in a foxhole, I'd want her big ass around. What, bro? That's no way to fucking get to her heart, bro. What do you mean? If I was in a foxhole, I'd have your big ass around. First of all, foxes hide. What the fuck do you even know about foxes, dude? Not a lot, but in the foxhole, what I'm saying, bro,

if shit's going down, I feel protected around her. She looks like she might be on the SWAT team. She squats 630 pounds. She clearly knows we're getting illegal steroids. There's a lot going on here. Oh, yeah. She has a biohazard tattoo, so she likes to jam. Is that what that is? Yeah, it's biohazard. Zoom in on that. That could be anything. It could be a boat propeller.

It also looks like maybe something off of the back of a... It could be a BMW sign, too. Yeah, it could be something off of... That she got when she was at Coachella. Yeah, it could be also a Jimmy Buffett, one of those super fans. You're right. That might not be biohazard. Lick them, stick them tats.

But I'll say this. Beautiful body. Very nice definition. That might not be biohazard. Lick them, stick them tats. But I'll say this. Beautiful body. Very nice definition. Look at the clavies, dude. You could eat soup out of those bitches, son. Man, full rack of ribs up top there. Oh, yeah, and she has that full... She got that neck.

Oh, she's got that neck, boy. Got that neck crater, bro. Oh, dude. Sniff all the cocaína out of it. Like neck at Ralph, boy. Let's get the cocaine out of me. Like Naked Ralph. Boy, let's get naked, you know? Nectarines. Let's just take our scars off and get straight fucking naked.

She looks like a bad bitch. She looks like she just gets in her fucking old school Oldsmobile and just hits fucking Godsmack. And just drives. She drives a fine young chick around town, dude. You fucking know that. And you go get them, girl. You go get those young, naive women out there

who don't know what's up. You know what I'm saying? Shout out to somebody's aunt. Me Too Margaret right there, bro. She's running her own game on these young ladies. She's saying, come get me, Me Too. Come get you some of this Me Too. Rack them.

I'd let her spot me. Oh, yeah. The only female I've ever seen I'd let spot me. I'd let her spot me like a damn Dalmatian, too. Rack them. I'd let her spot me. Oh, yeah. The only female I've ever seen I'd let spot me. I'd let her spot me like a damn Dalmatian, dude. I love her. King it. Up next, we got Cousin Felicity. This is Cousin Felicity.

Damn. Well, goddamn, girl. Looks like a nice spring day with some DSLZs. So no name for her other than just Cousin Felicity. She's a South African teacher. And the guy who submitted said that he's had to beat up some guys that broke her heart. But she's done the same to girls who have done the same to him because they keep it gang gang. He also referred to his own cousin as an absolute dime piece.

There might be something going on there. Look, man, you know what I say? If you really, you know... Cousins, you're good. Well, you shouldn't have to go far to fuck. That was the old motto. Dude. You know?

If you need gas money, bro, then who, you know, do you really need to know that person? You know? If you need sugar, you want to go across the street. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. If you're back rubbed, you want to do you really need to know that person? You know? If you need sugar, you want to go across the street. Yeah. If you're back rubbed,

you want to go across the street. Yeah. When you get out on the highway, man, and when you start leaving the family, start, you know, step on a crack, break your mother's back. Once you get out near the sidewalk,

I say keep it local, man. Fuck local. Look at a lot of these different, a lot of sects of humanity. They keep it in the... In the tribe. In the tribe. Look at the chimps. They bang their con. Yeah, chimps.

Fucking left and right. Tongans, Hebrews. A lot of their dating is within their tribe. Hawaiians. Hawaiians. They're forced to fuck on the island. Yeah, think about that, dude. They're great. Look how happy a Hawaiian is. You ever seen a sad Hawaiian? No. You ever seen Moana?

Dude, where my sister lives. Yeah, where my sister lives. People are related, bro. You throw a Frisbee into a field of no one, and someone will catch it that's fucking possibly related to you. Yeah. It's that kind of place, man. It's awesome, dude. Birds start looking like they shouldn't look like that.

You know what I'm saying? Even birds, no. Don't fly far to fuck, man. No, look at flamingos. Yeah. They're all the same. Flaming far to fuck. No, look at flamingos. Yeah. They're all the same. Flamingos, dude. Yeah, think about that.

Think about that, dude. Be like a flamingo. When you only have one leg. Fuck your system. Yeah. Flamingo, man. She's a powerful substitute. Is she a substitute teacher or she's like a regular English teacher?

A regular teacher. I would learn nothing but boners if I was in that class. Yeah. Well, I think she seemed like a nice lady. I'd learn more than boners. I'd probably pay attention and get a damn education, dude. That's why you had to go fight for money for a fucking decade. That's a legit point.

Sorry, man. No, it's a legit point. Man, I'm being mean today. I think I have a cold. That's why. No, it's your keto diet. It probably is, dude. Dude, I swear being mean today. I think I have a cold. That's why. No, it's your keto diet. Oh, it probably is, dude. Dude, I swear to God, bro.

I'll lick a fucking... Dude, I'll do a line of Splendor off a fucking deceased baby's back right now, dog. God damn, that's extreme, dude. I know, man. That's so extreme. That's where I'm at, bro. Well, maybe get off the diet. It's a dark arts.

No, dude, I'm trying to look nice. No, you look nice. You look normal. You look exactly the same whether you do it or not, dude, dude, I'm trying to look nice. No, you look nice. You look normal. You look exactly the same whether you do it or not, dude. Bro, I can't even hear right now. Okay, so... I would get off the diet, bro. I don't know. My abs coming, but I can't see or hear.

First of all, if she's a substitute teacher, if she's dating people you're having a fight for, why is she up on a wedding ring? Maybe that could be... Yeah, something's going on here. Yeah. Maybe that's your wife, dude. And I'm not mad at it at all. King this girl. Oh, I say king it. Why is she up on her wedding ring? Maybe that could be... Yeah, something's going on here. Yeah. Maybe that's your wife, dude. And I'm not mad at it at all. King this girl. Oh, I say king it. She's beautiful. She seems outgoing. She's outdoors.

Clearly nice. Yeah, she's drinking by a pond. She obviously seems like a fun person. She has an accent. Nice set of eyebrows. She's teaching people in South Africa, dude. It's amazing, man. Drinks a lager. Beautiful country. Yeah, lager hopping. You know?

She's used to having a couple lagers in her throat. You know what I'm saying? I like this. What else you got? So Brendan's that Paul Bunyan baby, you know? I'm that Foster's down here.

What? Last up. Okay, wow. His hat's getting tight. Brendan, tight hats. Dude, Brendan takes a hat off of like a baby, like a little doll that's in the room, his hat's getting tight. Brendan, tight hats. Dude, Brendan takes a hat off of a baby, like a little doll that's in the room, his son's room. You're like, Brendan, that's not supposed to be on a person, dude.

That's a little bear's hat. Dude, I do that and you steal your mom's wigs, so we're good. Yeah, only her show wigs, you animal. Yeah, makes sense. Last up, this is Uncle Bruce. Uncle Bruce. Let's see this pervert. Oh, my God.

This pervert. Uncle Bruce trying to fuck, bro. I think Uncle Bruce is about to shoot a porno. That's what it looks like. Broke back Mexican right here, baby. How many Mexicans do you know named Bruce? Bruce is Filipino. You know my favorite movie, Papa?

Bruce Almighty. No, dude. There aren't any Latinos named. Hey, homes, let's get in the tent and fuck. No, bro. Bruce, bro. He has, dude, first of all. He's Filipino.

My ass. He makes amazing Chinese food, and he's looking for a nice white lady to settle down with one day yeah i bet bro this dude has a unit on him oh man bro he only has one leg that other thing that's a dick and he's one-legged brother that's a dick down that other pant leg look how it's a little leaner on the left. Yeah, that boy packing that fucking one-two meat stick. Oh, Packy, wow, bro. That's some fucking Manny Packy, wow. Dude, he got that enchilada hitter in his pants.

Bro, he's grilling meat on his fucking whip chest. Talk about that wet burrito. Oh, yeah. I like this dude. What's his name, Miguel? Bruce. Wow. Raciste. Can you zoom in on our Polynesian name, Miguel? Bruce. Wow. Raciste. Can you zoom in on our Polynesian friend, please?

Polynesian, my ass. Well, he's hiding his face under that hat. Oh, wow. He's that very coy Filipino man. Did you think he's Filipino, Kat? Oh, that's a Filipino. That's a Filipino? Wow. Tell us more, because if you know more about Filipino men, what's going on here?

Let's go live to the source. Well, we know he has giant caps. Well, she came out of a Filipino man when it's all. Wow. So tell us more because if you know more about Filipino men, what's going on here? Let's go live to the source. Well, we know he has giant calves. Well, she came out of a Filipino man when it's all. True. He's clearly – I feel like he – oh, God. I love Filipino men. I'm just – But that's not your thing?

Is your boyfriend Filipino? Yeah. I like him a little chubbier though. Oh, he's too shredded. I like him a little soft. Oh, a little doughy. A little more pushing for the cushion, you know? Oh, yeah? You're a chubby chaser. Well, I don't like guys who are... You like fat guys. I like guys who can

cuddle well. I like guys who can cuddle well. If you're ripped, you're not fun to cuddle with. Yeah, man. You don't think Miguel looks fun to cuddle with? No. No, it looks like he would... Miguel looks like a snuggle the fuck out of you, cat. It's like cuddling with something from fucking the furniture set. It looks like you're cuddling with a panther. Yeah, it's like cuddling with a toaster or something.

Cuddling with a fucking crocodile. That's what Uncle Miguel would be like cuddling. Maybe. Or he even throws it down as just an epic cuddler. First of all, the guy has a fucking dick piece in your back. The guy has 2,000 trophies for being awesome as fuck. What are those trophies for?

Can you zoom in on those, dude? It looks like some sort of dodgeball trophy. Or it looks like he's running. Dude, the ladies are dodging all the balls if this dude's in town, bro. Can you zoom in on Wayne anymore?

Or is that it? No, it looks like he runs, dude. Oh, he's running. It looks like he runs a brothel. I like this dude, bro. Can you zoom in on Wayne anymore? Or is that it? It looks like he runs, dude. Oh, he's running. It looks like he runs a brothel. I like this, dude. I agree. Let's make it an outdoor brothel and let's give our girl a job. You know what I'm saying? Gang, gang! Own your own fucking business, man. Shout out to Miguel.

Miguel, bro. Hasta luego. Yeah. Shrimp on the barbie. What a good episode, man. Fuck yeah, that was cool, man. That was fun. Thank you guys so much for all your submissions and all the support. If you're listening to the episode, try to check it out on visual because they got visual stuff.

Yeah, you guys make the episode happen. So your submission stuff is how the shows keep going. So keep sending your submissions, whether it's marry, fuck, kill, whatever we came up with the term, or flaunt my aunt, or relationship advice. Make sure you send those in. That's how the episodes get made. Where are you going to be, Theo? Are you back on the road, bro? Yeah, I'm going to be back on the road.

I've got a bunch of new dates. You just launched a tour, right? Yeah, just launched a tour. The Dark Arts. The Dark Arts tour is still going on. So if you've already seen it this year, then it's the same. It's just going back to different places or going to places I haven't been. So all the places are theovon.com slash tour, T-O-U-R, and that's it.

I'll be in New York this week, though, just for at Caroline's, but it's sold out. Dope, brother. I'm in Tampa next Friday and Saturday. That's May 10th and 11th. And then just announced, I posted the trailer on my Instagram and Facebook. Your special? My special, May 17th, brother. Nice, dude. Give me that, bro.

You'd be surprised. Showtime, Friday, 10 p.m. First comedy special, baby, baby. It looks good, man. The intro, is it the whole thing you showed me? No, I just did the sizzle reel. I'm going to post that next week, though. Dude, that thing is good. I thought it was going to be bad, and it's

good. Thank you. Love you guys. You'd be surprised, right? Yes, sir. Continually. Thank you guys for checking out King and the Sting, man. Gang, gang. Buzz, buzz. It's the King and the Sting.