The Golden Hour - Episode 193: Branch Buddies

Episode Date: September 9, 2022

Theo and Brendan talk first grade memories, Brendan peeing his pants, Nick and Chin's weight loss competition, Nick Dating naked, personalized license plates, cousin lovin, horses, all new KATS In The Wild, Asian rock climbing, smoking weed in the morning, eating on the job, Porsche vs Ferrari and much more!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I got a king of the stinger for you. A cigarette? Smoking weed in the morning. For me it kind of loosens me up. What do you think? Depends what you do for a job, my man. Yeah dude. I want you flying my plane.

To that right now. You ever met this guy? Oh I'm the dumb one. You can't argue there's something about me you have no idea what you're saying gang gang buzz buzz damn dude so y'all went to first grade i mean i've been to first grade but uh yeah it's tiger's first day of first grade daddy growing up you want it's Tiger's first day of first grade, Daddy. Growing up, you want to freeze those little gremlins.

Really? Yeah. What was it like? Did y'all, like, what did he wear or whatever? You have to wear uniforms. No way. They have strict uniform code. But you can get pretty lit with the kicks, you know?

Oh, yeah, good shoes. Show them some dope kicks. First grade, dude. Who took him? Me. Damn. First grade? dude. Who took him? Me. Damn. First grade? You don't want to miss first grade.

Do you remember your first grade? Huh? You remember first grade? Like, first day of first grade? I think I do, man. I pissed my pants. Did you? Yep.

That was last week, dude. I saw the clip. I also pissed last week, but first day of first grade, Virginia Court Elementary, pissed my pants. Why? I don't know. I was in first grade, Virginia Court Elementary pissed my pants. Why? I don't know. I was in first grade. That doesn't mean you can piss your pants.

It means you're supposed to be getting an education. I know. And my mom, no one came and dropped off a second pair of pants. I was just, you know when the piss at first is kind of nice when it's warm? Then it gets freezing cold and uncomfortable. Yeah, that's true, dude. And then at lunchtime, my lunch is dried up. Ah, that denim, man.

It was denim jeans. It was wet all day. Kids forget, though, by 1 p.m. every kid forget that you pissed. They move on to another kid. They make fun of another kid. Somebody else pissed. You don't remember first grade? I remember certain things of kindergarten.

Like certain things. I remember they had like a blow up alphabet. Like blow up alphabet. You don't remember that very well. No, not the alphabet. Well, the problem was they weren't even in order. Oh. That's where it all started.

Day one. Oh, it all made perfect sense. Yeah. Dang. I'm trying to think of what I remember. I remember meeting my buddy Scott, and we became friends. I walked right into school, met him. Ladies' man? Yeah, ladies' man.

Real ladies' man. In first grade? Yeah, he was. I wasn't. I was the guy that always take the notes from him to his girls. Oh, you were the middleman. You were the delivery guy. You may see his assistant in first grade.

I was the little henchman, yeah. Yeah. The drug mule. And sometimes I would even take the note and i would check no one it just just because i was jealous he's like man he came back way too fast she said no i'm like sorry man i hate to do it to you bro i'm just a messenger man don't kill the messenger yeah she's not into it really she's into me oh no dude because i was always like joking around too much.

And so it was like girls didn't want to go with that guy. The joking around too much guy wasn't like. In first grade. I think as the other grades came up. Yeah. You know, it was like if you're joking around too much, it was like that guy was always a little strange, you know. Strange and just maybe just a lot, you know. And they don't know how to deal with it

yeah yeah i think that's what it was it was like i don't want to be you know if that guy jokes around and everybody laughs and they feel like you know they don't want to be associated with that you're bombing in front of chicks well that's the risk of being a jokester is that there's the risk that uh you risk some of the women yeah well Price you pay But who's laughing now Yeah That's true Most of them still Wouldn't date me probably

You'd be surprised though man What are you just hitting that It's just saline solution I don't care what it is You're just Blowing something In your nose Hey

Hey Come on I'm sure it'd be the safest thing To win your nose In the past couple years Come on dog Come on daddy How does Come on, daddy. How does it hit pretty hard?

Yeah, it's nice. You just freeze everything out, bro. I like how you're investigating that. But Greg off Venice fucking Boulevard, he's like, yeah, give me that. Isn't that a nice mist? I guess so. I guess so. Oh, yeah, boy.

Isn't that nice? Not bad. How about Nick? Nick looks like a low budget. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Just going to spin the studio. Sorry, dude.

Something's in there. Man. No, you're fine. Just use your foot, dog. Not bad, guys. How about Nick looks like he's doing a little castaway thing here. Yeah, how much are you down, Nick? You definitely.

It's over. We just weighed in. I won. I lost 28 pounds in five weeks. Nick ain't messing around. You look sick. I'm a little disappointed. I was getting all these weight cut tips from Adrian Ynez,

and I just ran out of time. I feel like I have like six pounds of water weight in me I could have lost. Really? Yeah. Yesterday I walked six miles in a sauna suit, and I was just drenched, but I only lost like four pounds. And, like, I still had saliva in my mouth. I had time to go.

Nick's undercover is savage, huh? Yeah, you're awesome. A little bit. Because that's not easy, man, to commit to that. You got to be a little bit crazy. I haven't ate since Saturday. You haven't what? Ate.

Aten. Eaten. Eaten. Eaton. Eaton. Oh my gosh, dude. You're like that guy, Brian Berkmarter or whatever that was the guy they captured or whatever that we traded. Oh, uh,

Unbreakable guy? No, I don't know. Oh, yeah, you're like the Unbreakable guy. You're the Unbreakable guy when they're naked and they're whipping them and they think they're gonna die and they're all naked. And I'm like, again? Yeah. like the Unbreakable guy. You're the Unbreakable guy when they're naked and they're whipping them and they think they're going to die and they're all naked. And I'm like, again. Yeah. And they just have big bushes. Dang, dude, it's crazy.

I know, it's nuts. Nick, your face is actually smaller even. And we had $600 on this, and Chin, he ended up gaining eight pounds. Actually, this is the heaviest I've been and I can't even remember. What happened, Chin? I don't know. What? So I won by 37 oh most Chinese Emperor thing to do dude you make everybody in your village starve and you sit there

and you're eating like yeah long but it's your idea yeah I know I know It's TRT. Is it? Yeah. You're on TRT? I just started TRT. Yeah, 100%. Wow. Even if I'm not lifting that off? Yeah, it's 100% that. You'll retain water and if your diet's not really clean, sodium. Yeah, yeah. 110% it's that, buddy.

See, this is cool because it's kind of like where the people who can't come up to the palace get to meet the guy in the palace. Yeah, and they realize the guy in the palace didn't really train. The guy in the palace, it really train the guy in the palace was his idea and you just suffered he's like good job man anyway like it's not a he didn't think about it he forgot jim was like oh yeah we had a bet yeah let's weigh in oh i've gained 30 pounds dude nick that's crazy bro i'm not even joking dude your head is smaller oh no i was gonna say his head's larger because his neck's smaller.

He looks like the teacher from South Park. His eyes. He lost weight in his eyes, dude. His whole head is smaller. I feel like I've always thought I had a really small head, and I've noticed it since I got skinny. And then there's like – it's like a developmental disease that babies get. Premature, dude. I always told him. He's right. Since day one you've said that babies get. Premature, dude.

I always told him. He's right. Since day one, you've said that. He didn't want to ever admit to it. I'm almost positive my mom smoked, too. Oh, yeah. Smoked, we think, cigarettes only? Who knows?

Weed's probably not bad for the baby. Cigarettes is probably bad for it. Well, it's the crack that would get you that small head. You think? Oh, yeah. I think it was more of an upper thing. This one, microcephaly. Microcephaly.

I think I have that. It's much smaller than expected. But that brain stays the same, I think, buddy. Yeah. You need one of those helmets. Nick, you've never looked more like Billy Bob Thornton in your life. I'll take that. I think your head looks a normal size.

your life i'll take that i think your head looks a normal normal size it just seems like it is like you seem like someone put one of those voodoo spells on you no the movie beatles just sprinkles the powder on his head and shrinks i think it's because his neck has gotten smaller dude he's right there okay it's a good thing you're be fine. 185 is where I want to get back. I was 200 when I started. I'm 170. I'll be 179 by the end of the day. I guarantee it. Oh, shit. Nine-pound Nick, they call him.

Nine-pound Nick. 40-pound Chad. Damn. Dude, what are some positives that you notice about it? What are some things that are interesting? I mean, the first two weeks, I was just having one giant salad a day, and it was good. It'd be like from The Habit or like a Chipotle keto salad, and I felt amazing. I felt super fresh and stuff.

The last week's just been, I've been starving myself, like eight ounces of meat, and that's it. And you said you haven't eaten since Saturday? Yeah. And are you eating out of a can, or what are you eating out of? No, I got an air fryer and I just, chicken breast and salmon. Wow, he's fully in, man. It's heartbreaking to see it.

But now I learned, like, I'm gonna eat chicken breast and salmon a lot now that I can cook it in the air fryer. It's easy. It tastes good. But that dick, dude,

that's the other thing. When you lose all that water weight, you've never seen a smaller dick in your life than when a fighter's cutting weight. Uh-uh. Oh, yeah. I mean, that thing's full other thing. We lose all that water weight. You've never seen a smaller dick in your life than when a fighter's cutting weight. Uh-uh. Oh, yeah. I mean, that thing's full of water.

Yeah, that thing shrinks. Whiskey Pete told me that every 15 pounds is a half inch on your dick. That's a lie. That's a full inch. Yeah. Damn. Yeah, that's a myth. That's insane, man.

That's nuts. Congrats to Nick. Yeah, that's unbelievable Nick Keep it going Be like fucking homeboy off the machine Yeah Dude audition for the bible Dude go on naked and afraid

Yeah Nick and afraid You look like you've been on here already for 60 days It's just you and your apartment There you are That's you Doug When I was first in LA And like In my car and I tried to do open mics, I didn't really commit to it, but I was at some place on Hollywood and got approached for Dating Naked, that reality show.

I've never heard of that show. And I was in L.A. for like two weeks. I was like, oh, my God, this is easy. I didn't do it because I didn't want to be in the attention. It's only up from here, man. Batman's next. That's basically porn. I didn't do it because I didn't want to be in the attention. It's only up from here, man. Batman's next. That's basically porn. He doesn't realize it.

Yeah, yeah. I was going to say, I've never heard of that show. What network is it on? Brassaires? Yeah. Dating naked, Nick. It's you and another man. It's $75.

Wow. Let's see that show. Joe and Wee Wee? And it's in Chatsworthworth It's in Chatsworth? No I'm just kidding But that's where a lot of porn is Oh I didn't know that Dating naked huh?

Wow And are And they send in that black guy That Andre Dawson Maybe they send in that cleanup hitter bro They always do that That's after I find love They send him in

And he takes my woman That's the craziest. You're there, you think it's just you and this chick, and then the third day you're making her like a soup, like an avocado rind porridge, and freaking big old Kirby Puckett shows up. Oh, king of the triple. The big old Frank Thompson, the big hurt shows up on you

with that big old hammer yeah god damn it bro yeah dude i want to let you know that we have added shows for saturday november 5th in san diego uh the first two sold out so we now have shows Saturday, November 5th, theovon.com slash T-O-U-R. Guess what, man? My friends at HelloFresh, you get farm fresh pre-portioned ingredients and seasonal recipes delivered right to your doorstep. Don't worry about the grocery store. You can count on HelloFresh to make home cooking easy, fun,

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See show notes for details. See next page for directions for disclaimer. Again, DraftKings Sportsbook, promo code K-A-T-S. Enjoy the fights. Enjoy NFL Season 1. DraftKings. Hey, so on this show, would they go on dates, like just normal dates, just naked? Or is it like naked and afraid they're outside?

I've never seen it, but I think they just like start their dates naked. And then they go do something. Just pick them up in cars and shit with their dicks out? That's crazy, dude. I think I would try to do that thing where you hide your dick behind your nuts yeah are you talking about the tuck or just that yeah that kind of wrap so you're like you know so you're not just showing everything at first because some people will will wear leaves and stuff i think yeah, what's up? You probably shouldn't be on the show if you're leafing it up.

Now, I can't believe Chin didn't even press like the bread button for Nick or the fucking fresh water button. Every time he started losing weight, I'm like, you gotta congratulate yourself for your cheat meal. You wouldn't do anything. Old freaking cheat meal over here.

Cheat meal Chin. Cheat meal Chin. Nine pound Nick and cheat meal Chin, baby. God damn, Look at Nick His clothes are all baggy And the keys You see him hitting the keys Like this

With two fingers Like hitting it like this He doesn't have the power though I know Elbow to Alright we're live I had completely switched My wardrobe

I started buying these like Bulkier heavier t-shirts Cause they don't show your belly But now I got a whole Whole Decade of free t-shirts because they don't show your belly, but now I got a whole decade of free t-shirts I can wear again. Now you're dressed like a gay dude. They're all Theo t-shirts I couldn't wear because you can see my belly. Nick's bone in over there.

Hell yeah, dog. I bet that ass is introverted. Speaking of bone in, here's a beautiful young woman who I would be happy to take home. I would lose 30 pounds for her. Dude, she's never losing those 30 pounds, I'll tell you that. Dang, dog.

She could hold her breath for 100 years, I bet. Damn, why is there milk in your lungs? I don't know when to play. You got them fucking bunkers, baby. Hi, I have a King It or Sing It for you.

So... King It. What do you think about eating food with gloves on? So I'm talking about messy foods like chicken wings or ribs. Obviously food where your hands are going to get dirty. I especially like wearing gloves because I usually have long nails, and it's, like, so hard to get dirt out of them, from under them sometimes.

So it's just more convenient to wear gloves, and I don't have to try to get the dirt out. I can just take it off. But a lot of people think that I'm weird for wanting to eat with gloves. I just love how sincere she is. She's really concerned about it. How far is she going with these gloves? Are we doing chicken wings?

Are you going to Buffalo Wild Wings? You got gloves on like a psychopath? And then if she's that concerned about messiness, it's like, you know she ain't a freak in the sack. You think? Thinking wild in there. Unless she's like, let me get my gloves and mask on before we do this. Yeah.

Maybe she likes having gloves on. Maybe she, what did she say she had? What happened to her? She was in a fire or something? She's a messy eater and she just doesn't like to get messy. My girl wears gloves when she gets like boiling crab. Yeah. Crawfish.

It annoys the shit out of me. Oh, that's crazy Why order it? Where I'm from If a woman went to a crawfish bowl With gloves on That shit would be They would have to be British

Or something I feel like You know Or some hierarchy I mean it's messy But that's why you order it I get messy I lick my fingers

I get messy Yeah I think you can't be Wearing gloves I think yeah I think if somebody shows up And you're trying to You know Do sex Or jump around Or something You can't be wearing gloves i think yeah i think if somebody shows up and you're trying to you know do sex or jump around or something you can't be having gloves on my girl will wear gloves when she's uh flaming hot cheetos because she don't want the red shit on her fingers see so i guess

maybe but then people's nails are becoming such an art it used to just be you got your nails painted now people are getting you know hieroglyphics on their nails. NFTs on them. Yeah, NFTs. They're getting little pictures of Halloween cat. Yep. Endorsement deals on logos on their nails. Yeah, they got... Those are crazy.

Spinners. Yeah, people have spinners on their nails. People have the little lights. I've seen during holidays, I've seen the little lights under them. I appreciate those. Then they act surprised when on breaks, though. They're out to hear. Yeah.

Oh, my God. Man, it's like $30 a nail now. It's like, you know, you got some broad wandering around. $270. They're basically tattoo artists. They'll put your family tree on there. Oh, yeah. Whatever you want.

Marilyn Monroe, easy. Say less. Now you can be sitting in that chair for about six hours. That's a good point. Now, Chim, what do you see about this? I know a lot of this is in your culture. That woman's obviously – She looks Vietnamese.

She looks Vietnamese to me. But my mom does the same thing when she eats. She uses like those clear plastic gloves. Not the latex ones, but the clear plastic ones. They're kind of like baggy. Listen. She always eats with that. Listen.

Nick thinks it's hot. No, I think it's like a really practical move i'm a super messy eater i like just diving in i i think that should be commonplace yeah i mean i'm for it listen i can't really see it camera's it's just a pencil it's's a pencil with eyes talking right now. And Nick's like, I'm a very messy eater. He's like, I'll do anything for a fucking... His energy's just so low. You don't have a crouton? You know what? A Tic Tac sounds fantastic right now.

He just keeps Googling brioche over and over again. He's like, what is going on? It was so hard to get out of bed. It's the heartache, my man. He's all... he's just crying. Dude, a dog just picks Nick up and buries him. You're like, this is crazy. Nick prays for a big gust of wind to come along, blow him into traffic.

Nick struggles to open his car door. He's all, he uses his hip to hit that crosswalk button. I'm going to need a running start for this. He's down in a football stance to hit the fucking crosswalk. I'm hiding from you!

Yeah, listen, she can wear whatever the fuck she wants. She'll open chocolate face, vanilla face, I don't care. You can do whatever you want, girl. She's so attractive. I don't care, man. Look, she looks looks cute i have no idea what her full attitude is like

like if you take her somewhere does she like do an umbrella all the time does she do you know has you put her under a tarp if you're just outside like having a true do a picnic yeah is it like is it like hanging out with queen elizabeth like there's a little bit of sun i gotta fucking hold the umbrella what was we're walking down the street. Yeah. You know? Like all of that. So if she gets that crazy, then I just can't handle all of that.

She's a germaphobe. But if she want to put on some fucking mittens, you know, some fucking oatmeal mittens when she gets in. Yeah. Also, how about this, baby? Use a fork, you fucking kook. Yeah, there's also that. You know what I'm saying?

There's also that. Hey, but here's the question. Would you rather use a fucking fork like a lady or use the fork or knife to cut pizza? That's always weird. Oh, yeah. It's like, what are you doing? Are you a terrorist?

Are you eating pizza with a fork and knife? Are you not American? But then what about when she's trying to use a fork and she's holding it like this, dude? That shit would be ridiculous. So I don't know, man. Do you not American? But then what about when she's trying to use a fork and she's holding it like this, dude? That shit would be ridiculous. So I don't know, man. Do you, girl? Just take care of yourself.

But she can do her, you feel me? Take care of yourself out there. King and the sting and the wing and the sing and the bling and whatever else you guys got going on. What up? This is Abraham from San Diego. Abraham. Got a king in her sting it for a year in Winget or whatever. Personalized license plates.

What do you guys think? Do you go with that random state issued letters and numbers? Boring. Or do you go with that personalized header? Let everybody know what you're about, who you are. I had mine for a while. Black and yellow in California. You know what's up.

But just got a new one. Had to upgrade. Oh, snap. What do you guys think? So you're the one who took it. Damn, that is filthy. I tried getting it. You beat me to it.

Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. That's that brows? Nah, change it. Flat, flat, buzz, buzz. That's that Brails? Nah, change it. Flat, flat. That is so dope. Yep. Yeah, I tried getting a wild guy. I couldn't.

Did you? No, fucking. Damn. Arahin. Vato got it. Arahin got it. Fastu. Pretty dope.

What does Fastu mean? I don't know. I don't know either. You think I would. Chandler, why don't you look that up for us? Yeah, I'm looking. Fucking Mark speaks Spanish. You don't know either you think you look chanel why don't you look at it yeah i'm looking mark speak spanish you don't know what fastu means i looked it up and the answers are in russian fausto means happy and lucky but that's one oh happy and lucky but just one zero oh one oh

happy lucky fool that thick boy life's place is filled that's fire dog i know i thought for sure a stripper had or something he got that thing dog yeah that shit is dope steal it dog you know what i'm saying you tried other combinations because he doesn't have a seat or he doesn't have an eye or oh thick by thick bike he get hit get it on by a lot of dudes too yeah yeah i'll be the one wearing gloves yeah dog if dog. If you get a thick bite, damn, bro. How much does a personalized license plate cost? I've always thought of it as like a rich person thing. Like an unattainable. Oh, yeah.

When I was growing up, personalized plate was something you couldn't even fathom, dude. No, yeah. Growing up, it was for like MC Hammer. Yeah. I think it's like 160 surcharge, like up charge. It takes a little longer. You got to let the inmates do it. They got that price points pretty high.

Take forever, man. They do to get? Yeah, hell yeah. Especially right now, the DMV's a nightmare. You think it'd be easier to get that? Because it's like, it's also like, you know, it's going to be easy for people to remember and shit. Sometimes there's some funny ones. If somebody drives off doing a crime, it's like L-8-5.

Oh, I know. Did you get their license number? No. F-T-9-R-T. Fart. The fee for a personalized license plate in California is $50 in addition to annual. Wow, dog. So it's $50 on top, man.

That's not bad. That's crazy. Chin chin is that big in y'all's culture i was just gonna say um one of my friends growing up her nickname was puppet well you know we all did import racing cars and stuff so that was kind of popular but her name's puppet her nickname puppet but she couldn't get puppets i guess someone took it so she got pup2et so she had the two as squared and no one knew what on that pup2et uh that's bad yeah yeah that's bad and my brother does it too my brother has a gtr but he says he puts gtr like multiple r's i think it's a limb yeah that's kind of lit though what are some good personalized plates you think there's been some funny ones man look up funny mark looks like the little mermaid you ever notice that a little bit yeah she is hot red hair

though i know but like as you know more adult uh okay dude you could be a little mermaid for fucking uh halloween though i mean the way dis's going, he might be the next Little Mermaid. That's a good point, dude. Live action, baby. Bro, my kid had Nickelodeon on our Disney channel, like Disney Plus, and he's watching Cinderella, and there's just some dude. Yeah. Called Cinda Sneaker or something like that.

It's like a Cinderella sneaker thing. Some dude is jerking off at a fucking DFW shoes. Yeah, it was not good and he's like up where they walk up where they run you're like jesus what is this bro oh sorry oh cars huh it's in florida you know they have like the orange in the middle and it says it says ass orgy but the the orange is like the O. So it's like A-S-S-R-G-Y, but the orange is in the middle. That person wears gloves. Yeah.

Ass orgy. Yeah, they won't let you do just anything. Like, there's certain things you can't do. They're lucky they got away with that. Yeah. You can't do the N-word. You could do N-W-R-D, though. Could you spell out just like N and then word?

Yeah. Eat the kids first. Wow. That's hilarious. L-L-B-R-B. That's insane. Top gum. Yeah, somewhere.

Damn, that one just says black man. Top gum? Dude, that's somebody that lost their fucking bottom jaw probably in the military, Brendan. This guy's trying to get pulled over. Black man? Yeah, that's hilarious. Yeah probably in the military, Brendan. This guy's trying to get pulled over. Black man? Yeah, that's hilarious. Yeah, that's awesome, dude. I would get that one.

Ass orgy? Ass orgy. But instead of ass, he's 5'5". You got to get creative because they'll flag that shit. Wigger you could get, I bet. Yeah, you could probably get that. Honda. What would you get, Channing? Yeah, you could probably get that. Honda. Honda. What would you get, Chan?

I'm sure you thought about it. You guys said something so funny with Bible E. Wink. Wink is for like Asian. Oh, white guy. White guy, actually Asian, yeah. But then you said another word, too, that was super funny. Oh, wooks.

Wooks, yeah. I want to get wook. Yeah, wook's funny. Are there winks? I've never met a white kid who wants to be Asian Yeah, we had him. Yeah There's like people that I knew in a gang. There's a white guy that was in an Asian game Yeah, like a white guy in the Asian game. Yep

Dude, he had long hair and he was crazy. Wow. He was crazy and he was just all about the Asian culture. Yeah big time Did this get in not another teen movie oh definitely no he's just into kung fu don't get it twisted man that kid winked out wow wink i've never heard of a wink i think they just made it up which is perfect wink and wook here is that same kid grown up what's up king, King and the Sting and the Wing and the Sing? It's your boy Nick coming at you from southern Ontario and I got a King and a Sting dating your cousin.

Let me clarify. I live in an area with a lot of Mennonites in the area which is basically Amish people if you don't know what Mennonites are. So a lot of us are related to each other. So there's Amish. We actually have a website devoted to figuring out how closely related you are to someone

so you don't get too close in the family tree with the relationship. Yeah, branch buddies they call them. But, yeah, the line I've usually heard in the area is third cousin is all right, second cousin what you're doing, first cousin that's against God. Yep. Yep. Well. But, yeah, I have never done it. But it's been a topic of heated discussion down here.

I've brought it up with American friends, and I think it's all gross. So I wanted to get your opinion, especially Theo, given that you're from down south where I assume all kinds of crazy stuff goes on. So, Candace, dating your cousin. You made your sister where Theo's from. So, can you understand it? Dating your cousin. You made your sister with this, bro. Dude, well, you know what I've always said, dude? If you rearrange the letters of sister, what does it spell? Resist.

And you got to know that. You've always said that, man. First cousin. And I came up with that, actually. I thought it was pretty good. That was my favorite clip I've ever made, I think rearranged the letters oh you did oh graphic back in the day i didn't know how to edit it all the good old days um i think yeah first cousin is risky but the problem is they here's one of the biggest issues that we faced in in america is that there

was never any charting done early on. So you didn't know, you know, there weren't vehicles. You couldn't get 60 miles away for sex. You couldn't get 40 miles away for a block radius, man. Yeah. I mean,

Carl Lewis back then could get maybe eight miles away for sex. Outside that. So you're fucking in a real puddle, you know? And at that point, somebody is going to hit something they shouldn't hit. Yeah. If your cousin has those fucking graham crackers out the front damn boy that cheesecake out the back boom dude i'm telling

you bro it's hard like how far you want to walk before you gotta fuck i get it you know you're sold yeah sold first house you're like yeah i'm not i know the first house second house you're like uh yeah i remember them i've met them yeah third fourth house dude who's that you knock knock i'm in knock knock who is it my dick because at that point it's taking you two three days to get there yeah so that's the thing it's like how much food do you have how much water do you have before you have to pull over and fuck i feel you but now it's 2022 right so time to change now but in their community it's still they're not you know it's still more it's old-fashioned yeah yeah i mean i think look take it depends how bad she is man that's a good point you know come on bro

what are we talking about here yeah and i know the chances of this, I think, are like, what are the odds better? I just looked at stuff the other day, but what are the odds better of a kid being ill if you have sex with a person? Oh, no, it's science. Those kids come out as fucking warlocks, man. They have horns. Well, that kid should get to wear a shirt that said, my parents were related and had sex. Only a 2% to 3% chance That a kid has a birth defect I'm a gambling man

Any couple related or not Also at risk of having a child with genetic conditions Or health problems I'll tell you what I'm not trying to unmask anything here But is small head one of the traits Dude he'll gain his head back in a week dude We'll see The vast majority of children of

first cousins are healthy and do not have problems due to their parents relatedness it is important to keep in mind that even for an unrelated couple there's approximately two there's a chance child two to three percent chance their child is born with a genetic birth defect oh wait wait till you have a kid it it's scary those first six months and they can do a blood test now to test if the kid has any issues now really and then you got to decide i'll let the lord i'll just i'll just see what the lord wants the risk for children of first cousins is increased over this by about three percent that's not bad so that's the risk you're taking of gloiding out it's not bad now chum what

about in your culture is that frowned upon or not? 100% it's frowned upon. I don't even know any Asian incest stories. Wow. You never heard of it? No, no,

no. They're organized. They do the math. Or they just don't talk about it. You guys keep secrets better than anybody. And they kill one out of a third kid. So it's like,

you know what I'm saying? Yeah, if you have a girl, right? It's a problem in China. You have a girl. You got to hide that thing. You got to shave her head.

These risk babies, you know? These babies, yeah. We got an amazing writing debate club. Yeah, look, guy. I think that guy's Mennonite. I say, look, get in. You know, if you want to be that bad apple, you know?

You want to be the bad boy of the town. Get out there and hump, man. Here we go. Hey, BM. Mike from West Virginia. Look at the T. Got a king in her stinger for you, fellas. Nice.

Mike from West Virginia, boy. In West Virginia, man, that's the kind of place where, you know, you might be, you know, you might go over to a girl's place and start hooking up with her. And next thing you know, you know, y'all live in a, you know what I'm saying? It's your house, actually, you at. That's sibling rivalry. Sometimes the rivalry is fucking, you know. And there's nothing wrong with that. I mean, there's something wrong with you shouldn't be.

Here's what was always said around me when I was growing up. If you rearrange the letters of sister, it spells resist. And that's the truth, boy. So that's the rule right there, you know. And that's the truth, boy. So that's the rule right there. You know? If you guys, if both y'all have the same parents, then, you know what I'm saying?

You guys, no candles at dinner. You know what I'm saying? No dessert, daddy. Yeah, yeah. It'd be tough if you had a fine ass sister. Like just a ridiculous sister. Damn, my sisters were okay. You know, my sisters wasn't fine, bro.

Dude, if you had a fine sister. I'm talking like a bombshell sister. Bro, them boners as a kid. Trouble. It's disgusting. It is, man. And it's a real shame. It's more of a curse than anything.

I'd move out at four. Man, I don't need this shit in my life. I'm moving out, Dad. Dude, or even if Mark was your brother, dude. Let's take a little break here, kids. If you're just m moseying around why don't you go buy tickets to my appleton wisconsin show this thursday friday saturday appleton wisconsin the next week i'm in ontario after that i'm in boston you're welcome tickets at thickboy.com because listen if you're excited for all my tour dates you should be excited for nfl football The season is finally here. Also, this Saturday of the big old UFC pay-per-view,

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Download DraftKings Sportsbook app and use promo code k-a-t-s you're welcome now let's get back to the freaking program oh yeah that's my boy it's my buddy valencia right here uh theo you actually didn't see the picture we saw mark last week oh yeah they made us all girls god damn you were fine i was good looking too. Eric was terrible looking. Almost everyone picked you, but this was the bonus round here. Oh, Mark wins. Mark got that pass. You dressed up as a woman? For a sketch, yeah.

Yeah, I doubt that, homeboy. Hey, homeboy, I doubt that. Oh, it was for Halloween. That's not even funny, bro. Like, bitch, it's June. Why are you sweating then, dog? It was for a sketch. We went to the Abbey for six hours

and filmed. It was for a sketch, and then we had to edit a lot of it out, man. Ended with me sucking dick. Your sketch, dude. That's for a sketch here. That boy bodied up, though, huh? Oh, damn, huh?

That's called spade to spade. That boy's fine, right? That boy bodied up, though, huh? Oh, damn, huh? Call Spade a spade. That boy's fine, right? That boy got some hard tits on him. Dude, speaking of Spade, I ran out of gas yesterday, right? Yeah. I literally was wearing my out-of-gas merch T-shirt. I run out of gas on Laurel Canyon in Mulholland. Oh, terrible place to run out of gas.

Bro, right at the top, dude, people furious. People calling me the N-word, people by yeah that was me white people driving by even black people driving by calling me the n-word david spade brought me a gallon of gas in a can good dude man that's great too he's on the show uh well the sweet air the way But he's on our show Oh yeah Wednesday night If you were at the top You could have Went back home at least

Dog I was fucking The break in the fucking road Was probably about that far And I couldn't get it Into neutral There couldn't be A worse place for it

I guess One lane Windy as fuck Bro People were furious Yeah That pissed me off The lady on AAA

Is like Hey what's happening And I'm like I am Gonna Die Lady Bro, people were furious. Yeah, that pissed me off. The lady on AAA is like, hey, what's happening? And I'm like, I am going to die, lady. Get here, bitch. You don't understand. And I, oh, God. So Joe did roll up.

So did. So sad. Anyway, nice of him to bring it. But I was wearing the fucking out of gas t-shirt. Is this just a pitch to sell more merch? I like how you really sold this thing, man. Bro, I had, I mean, it was just so sad. It just breaks my heart that it happens all the time.

It happens to a lot of people, Brendan. It doesn't, though. It doesn't, though. Especially in newer cars. There he is. There's me out of the car. And Spade rolling up. And Spade rolling up with the fucking, running back to his fucking car with the gas.

That's his car? Oh, it's like his aunt's car or something. Yeah, better be. Anyway, sorry. This guy has a related gas debate club. Is this Ricky Martin? What's up, guys? Ricky from Cincinnati, Ohio here.

What's up? Everybody in the studio is doing well. We're like Ricky's cousin. Got a king in a stinger for you fellas. With these gas prices going up, you paying $100 a week to drive this baby around? Are you strapping up one of them four-legged lawnmowers taking that bitch up the street to get your donuts?

I want to know. Let me know. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. Praise God, baby dirty Ricky living well. And he also added on his email, he said, I know they like to get technical with it, so to clarify, my kingders thing is riding a horse to run your errands. Assuming you have a horse at your disposal for free.

I'm aware they are expensive to buy and take care of, but I don't want that factored in. Bonus points if Theo can tell me a traumatizing story with a horse. He claimed he was scared of horses on this podcast with the jockey, but didn't go into detail. I'm scared of horses too. People are too chill around horses, big ass thing.

And then big dicks and ashy dicks in your face all the time. Dude, horses are just bears that know how to fucking fight. No, there's a fucking horse's body. Yeah. They're bears in shape, bro.

Not an ounce of fat, bro. Not a fucking ounce of fat strong man in montana my my girl we're riding horses i hate horses i get on that fucking horse my girl pretends she's all into him look at him jacked look at shredded veins vascular two percent body fat big giant dicks tail like paula costa yeah well yeah yeah but with better cardio yeah my i was me my girl my dad riding horses with my son, and her fucking horse kicked my horse in the neck, bro.

Just boom, right in the fucking neck. It's heartbreaking, man. You know, I saw a couple, I've talked about this before, but I saw police officers in the French Quarter one time in New Orleans, and one horse started fucking the other one, and the cops were still in the back of the horses. Yeah, part of the ride. And it's just like jesus christ dude and these people are barely getting paid it's like 11 dollars

those dark arts on fucking bourbon street i'm not riding shotgun on some damn horse don't be a cock block don't let that horse get his you know what i'm saying like it's been a long night bro yeah ben yeas ain't cutting it, officer. Let that horse bust that nut, man. And Mr. Hands, it's well documented, man. You want to mess with horses, be careful, man. You get the full horse. You feel me? That Mr. Hands died because of it.

Well, there's a dude also that I used to have a video of. A guy washes the horse ejaculate for so long, a guy puts soap and washed his hands in it. Oh, my God. It's crazy what horses can do. It's like a fucking fire hose on their bus, man. Yeah. It must be nice. There's Theo in the wild right here.

Yeah, that's what it is. You were at a bachelor party or something? The boy got that spare tire. Oh, my God. Is that really me? Dude, if you pass this, you start to realize it's not, but there's this... Right there for sure.

For a second, they're like, okay. He has the standard issue jean shorts on too. That boy is grinding. I thought it was me in the beginning. I mean, it looks a lot like you, dude. And there's me in the back. And there's my sister,

dude. That's how close it gets, guys. How close you're willing to risk, man. Damn. You have a beautiful sister. Nick, was there ever any touch-and-go moments growing up? Not at all. She's a very beautiful lady. Not at all, sir. Not at all, sir.

Not at all, yeah. Wow. Interrogation got real serious. Absolutely not, Theo. Not at all, sir. She also looks a ton like me, though. I don't see that. Do you see that in her? I got my entire life. Everybody thought it. That's why God does that.

He wants us to look the same so you won't procreate with somebody that looks like you. Yeah. You know? It's a warning. It's like the last warning. Well, here's Rocket, man. Oh. Giggity Gang, Buzz Buzz,

Theo, Brandon. Glasses of dope. And Chris. Damn, Brandon. I got a question for you. King it or sting it? Rock climbing. We're here in the Yosemite Valley, California.

Barefoot? A couple dudes, huh? Multi-pitch. Trad climbing. Again, king it or sting it? Whatever I just said a minute ago. bad climbing. Again, can't understand it. Whatever I just said a minute ago. Dude, first of all,

really cool to send in a video like that, man. Takes a lot of thought. But that's insane. You gotta climb up there to gay around a little. I think this guy's rolling something up. Yeah, that dude's definitely rolling up a little heater, bro. Yeah, they're on a break. Smoking the Lord's lettuce. I like rock climbing. I was too big for it but i enjoy it that but that bullshit rock climbing i like rei on that

plastic wall that ain't rock climbing fellas that stuff's hard to do brendan if you're a big dude it's it's challenging that stuff's hard to do um there's people that die up there, fall off. Cam Haynes, best friend, man. They were climbing who knows where. And they were hunting those sheep that just chill on the side of the mountain. They were hunting one of those, and they got too high up. And he put his hand or foot somewhere, and just the rock gave out. I mean, that's the top of the mountain.

He lost his best friend like that. He was with them? Yep. Oh, my God. Yep. Price you pay, man. You want to climb them fucking rocks, man. What do you say when somebody's friend like that. He was with him? Yep. Oh, my God. Yep. Price you pay, man. You want to climb them fucking rocks, man. What do you say when somebody's falling like that?

I know what they both said. Oh, shit. Yeah. Oh, shit or fuck. 100%. You're testing right away. That was him, Nick or fuck. 100%. You're messing right away. That was him, Nick? Yeah. Yeah, I think rock climbing is real.

I mean, it's a real good thing if you can do it. You got to have long legs and arms. You got to be able to reach, man. It's a reacher's game. Oh, yeah. If you get that, you know, if you're this little, you know, if you built like a little T-Rex? Dachshund or whatever, you're fucked, man.

Yeah, you got to be long in range. You got to be built like the girl, the mom of Incredibles, really. Very thin and long. Yeah, you want to have that rich pencil. Yeah. Do they do a lot of rock climbing in your country, Chin, in your culture? I don't think I even know one of my friends, Asian friends, that does rock climbing. Wow.

I don't think so. It's a very white thing. It has to be, right? Isn't it black people that do it. It's a very white thing. It has to be, right? Isn't it black people that do it? It's a very white boy thing. I'm sure there's a few. Yeah, it's like, I don't know if there's any black climbers, huh?

I guarantee there's a few. But for the most of it, it's a very white thing. It's kind of like camping. Did you ever see that documentary on like the, and he was on Rogan too, like the best rock climber in the world. Free Solo. Yeah, Free Solo. And then his girl's girls just fucking bringing him down he's living in a van eating out of a

fucking pot was it this guy yeah that's him that guy that boy can climb like a fucking goat man yeah and the other guy who passed away mark Mark, the French guy. What, he passed away? He fell off? Yeah, because they would climb with no ropes. It was free solo. That's insane. And, yeah, he just fell.

He went into the ice. Damn. Have you seen that, the alpinist? No. Does it show him die? Yeah, it's good. Does he die on that? I mean, he dies, man.

I don't want to spoil it, but I'm not... Actually, I'm not going to tell you. I'm only going to watch if he dies at the end. Oh, Brendan. But you had two men up there. It's just like a really tall tree stand for deer hunting. Yeah. It's sad.

Anyway, we got sad on here. You know what's weird is when they sleep, like when they climb all the way to the fucking Mountain and they sleep They're just hammocks Yeah in the hammock And they're swinging in the wind Another Theo in the wild

You're on Magic the Gathering card Oh damn Wow That is spot Get that That's your neck tattoo bro If anybody has one of those Please send that in

Oh and I want to say thank you to Little Jorge bro You talking about Keto George? Little Keto George has one of those please send that in oh and i want to say thank you to uh little jorge bro i'm a keto george little keto george gave me these beautiful this basketball card here of um pistol pete maravich oh nice louisiana legend they just put a statue of him up outside of and they should the um the assembly center in lsu where the LSU basketball team plays. Old Pistol Pete. It's called the Pete Maravich Assembly Center, and there was no statue of him.

How did I have a Shaq statue? They got a Shaq, too. I bet Shaq went up before Pistol. There's Pistol right there, behind the back. And those shorts are actually a little too long for him. Oh, I wasn't seeing what was going on in the picture. Pretty cool. And then it's Morton Anderson right there, who kicked for the Saints for him. Oh, I wasn't seeing what was going on in the picture. Pretty cool. And then it's Morton Anderson

right there who kicked for the Saints for a long time and he had half of a foot or something at some point. He went to LSU too? No, he just gave me this. Oh, but Pistol Pete went to LSU.

He died out here in Pasadena though. But he had a house in our neighborhood growing up, in our town growing up. Was he balling? Jason and Josh, he had two kids. Was he balling? The kids were really good at hoops pistol was gone by then he was deceased yeah i think he

died in 87 still bro oh yeah oh yeah he was hitting three pointers before they had three pointers oh yeah it reminds me of that autistic kid uh jason mccluhan or something he hit six threes and he's like i was hot as a pistol and he was all over ESPN. It was before viral moments. Yeah, then they cut him. They cut him? Yeah. Alright, I got a king of this thing for you. Smoking weed in the morning.

For me, it kind of loosens me up. What do you think? Depends what you do for a job, my man. Yeah, dude. I want you flying my plane. Do that right now. Bro, it loosens you up to do nothing.

Yeah, it loosens you up to just waste your life away. To me, it loosens me up. Have a cup of coffee and take a dump. Yeah, bro. Hit the ground take a dump. Yeah, bro. Hit the ground running, dog. Yeah, listen, I'm not a weed guy. It doesn't mix well with my body. I'll do nothing but eat the entire fucking house.

Really? Oh, I'll turn into a fucking cookie monster. Yeah. Whatever it is. We got to get some weed in the neck then, huh, Nick? Didn't help. I fought it off. I smoked the whole time.

You did? Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. That's how you know you're a pothead. We go past the fucking journey of the munchies. Wow. You're like Zelda. You are through the waterfall, dude.

That's crazy. Nick is a disciplined dude with this. Why did you take it so serious? Relax, man. Chins put on 30 pounds. I just had in my mind that it would be a really funny visual if I lost like 40 and he gained 10. It didn't play as well as I thought in my mind,

and no one's going to see it, but I don't know. It was funny to me. You should have done a shirts off, too, before and after. I had my shirt off when I weighed in both times. Not me. I wonder if I can find it. Yeah, if you have any pictures of that, let's see that. Yeah, I'd love to see that.

Rip my drip. I'll play it. Anybody who says it helps to smoke weed in the morning is lying to themselves. Rip my crypt. Yeah, that guy, I think it helps if you're, you know, if you want to smile on your front porch for an hour. It's great if you all look friendly as fuck like this guy for the entire day.

Some people can do it. You know, Rogan smokes a lot. Outside him, I don't know anybody. Blacks. Black people are good at smoking weed. They can handle it better. I think black people can handle it better. In the studio, too. They can work all day long in the studio

smoking. Black people are just better at doing weed, weed man it just fits better with some of their alchemy or whatever i think and what and for white people was it coke milk used to be milk anyway we were fucking somehow somebody fucked that up yeah moved on to coke because i heard you do a little coke you come up with all sorts of business ideas cocaine make you give your damn cocaine make you give your email address to a dolphin cocaine's insane I want that shit dog you should start doing cocaine man

not a lot but I could see you doing a little bit will you stay on the show if I do that would make me leave the show if I do? Bro, that would have me leaving the show quicker than anything. You never know. I might be a great time on Coke. Try and get you to invest in some Ponzi scheme of flying cars and shit.

Write the plot for Superman 7. I don't know if I can handle being on it. I mean, I don't know. If you do Coke, the first thing you want to do, it's just like you just, I don't know if I can handle being on it. I mean, I don't know. If you do coke, the first thing you want to do, it's just like you just, I don't know, I just want to keep doing more coke until it's gone, then I get mad at somebody. Because you ran out? Yeah, it's like, fuck. Well, let's just have a ton of it.

They're like, who did all the coke? And they're like, you did. And you're like, fuck. You're mad at yourself? Yeah. And the worst part is you want to keep doing it, but your body can't handle it. That's the juxtaposition Your brains like keep doing more your body's like we can't do anymore And then it's like yes, you can your body like oh you can't and then your dick doesn't work, right?

Oh, you feel great. Yeah, you want to fuck that's God's joke man. Yeah, gotcha bitch Yeah, you feel good right, but that dick don't work knock knock who's there not's there? Not this dick. Not this dick, but keep having a good time. Yeah, and you're just, oh, it's the worst, man. Oh, I'm glad. Oh, fuck. You would think with science and technology, they'd come up with some shit where cocaine's not so bad for you. Yeah, science is trying to do other shit, dude.

If science comes out where cocaine isn't so bad for you, half the world would die off. It would be kind of dope, though, right? Well, they did that, but they would be dope sick, and it killed like a million people on opiates. I don't know. These opiates aren't that bad. We put a candy coating on them,

and a million people died. Yeah, those get me. They get me every time. You ever took an opiate? Oh, yeah. You ever got some? Uh-uh. Yeah, that'd be stupid.

I never took one. I wouldn't mind having one, but people get so hooked on them, man. Damn. Aaron Rodgers on Rogan said he was playing games on Percocet for a while just because the pain management in the NFL was so out of control. Long history of Packers quarterbacks on narcotics. Yeah, I mean when I fought in the UFC when I broke my nose after that,

the doctor was my buddy, so he's like, here's a thousand Percocet and Oxycodone. I was like, say less. Got addicted to them. It was a good time though. It is what it is, man. I got invited on that ayahuasca trip that they went on and I couldn't go but Brian did

a ayahuasca trip he did yeah have I don't want to ruin the story have brightened the story you especially you you will laugh your ass off really bro he couldn't tell the story on air but he told me off air bro i was laughing so why couldn't he tell it on air uh is it risque damn yeah yeah because i guess i don't know how shrooms works like you're supposed to do like three grams he did a hero's dose six grams oh it's because the boy met satan himself did he yep and satan was black Nuh uh And he said he couldn't stop farting Really? Yeah

So he was out of control Just farting Dang I remember we thought we were Asian one time We were all high on mushrooms We were young And we'd never seen an Asian Really?

And we thought we were them These are bad holy shit Wow are you Wow that guy trying to fight young gravy who's trying to fight young gravy Charlie didn't Mello's dead oh he's blowing up young gravy yeah he's killing it who's young gravy he's a funner man he's a fucking musician he's a rapper we talked about him on King this thing a long time ago Theo brought a rapper. We talked about him on King of the Thing a long time ago. Theo brought him up. Then we had him on this past weekend. And now he's blown up?

Yeah. He's almost like a joke rapper, but now he's popping off and everybody's hearing his music. They're like, this guy sucks. But it's like, I don't know. But Nick looks like he's about to fight Dada 5000 right there. Yeah, let me see. What was his second picnic? When was that?

That was when we, this is today. And the other one was when we- Oh, you could lose a little more. Yeah, I actually think I could too. That's a huge change, man. Dude, the liver hides half a pound, man. Them abs starting to pop though, daddy. Don't stop now.

I need to get in the gym. Dude, I saw somebody doing a number two in the bathroom in sandals, dude. Some psychopath. It was like, what are we doing? How bad has it gotten? Public bathroom in sandals? Yeah, it's like that's one vote for Biden right there, dude. God, dog.

Somebody taking a dump in sandals, dude? Dumping a number two in some Crocs? God, dog. Somebody taking a dump in sandals, dude? Dump a number two in some Crocs? God, dog. It's just crazy what happened these days. All right. I've never taken a number two barefoot. No, no, no. Or sandals.

No, no, no. Or at home even. No, never. Put a three-piece suit on. What up, King and Sting? I'm Wayne. What up, King and Sting? A wing. What up, D.O.? Went to your show recently in L.A. She was a beast.

Oh, King and her stinging. Eating on the clock, sleeping on your break. Yeah. Hell yeah. And he clearly worked at Home Depot. We don't know that, Brendan. No, that's Home Depot, dog. What y'all think?

It could be Builder Square. We can't say where he works. He could get in trouble. No, it could be Builder Square, We can't say where he works. He could get in trouble. No, it could be Builder Square, too. What's the last thing you said? Don't rat him out. It could be a place that has worn shelves. He said scumbag move.

I don't think so. They're already robbing you blind, paying you $7 to move all that lumber all the fucking time. Look, I think if you're not borrowing stuff from your work, then you're not even part of the company. Yeah, if you're not cheating the man you ain't shit yeah dog I think because like if you're not having some freeholis mm-hmm why you're supposed to be doing freemasonry work here's my problem is if it is Home Depot their little like dining area is lit the

hot dogs the pizza churros they have a hot dog they have a food area dude fantastic dude I think that, the pizza, churros. They have a hot dog? They have a food area there? Oh, dude, it's fantastic. Dude, I think that's the kitchen area. You're not supposed to cook in there. Those are for, like, contractors. Yeah, Home Depot always has, like, a lit hot dog truck out front. McDonald's, too.

Costco, too. Did you say McDonald's? What do you mean? My Home Depot has McDonald's in them. Wow. Brennan's in there cooking in the spec kitchens in there. People are like, what the fuck? Brennan's operating, making a thing of pizza rolls in there.

Like, what the fuck? Ghost kitchen. These are taking forever. Taking a shit in a fake toilet. I'll be right back. Dang it. Look, bro, I think I like if this is Home Depot I'm not trying to rat this guy out

but if this is Home Depot I think that I love going in there I love like what is this you know I like the smell even I'm like I'll get some new roofing you know just buy random shit the Christmas trees just high-fiving

Mexican dudes everywhere you know yeah just buy random shit the christmas trees just high-fiving mexican dudes everywhere yeah you know seeing like uh father and son walk down the aisle and buy a thing of nails or whatever i'll just buy a weird screw and some bolts just for the fuck of it yeah it's like a toy store for dads yeah like plants the plants are lit as shit dude oh the plant section is awesome i bought a palm tree still it. And there's always that person out there that's dressed like Steve Irwin, that woman out there. Yeah, and she's the plant expert. Yeah. But she's annoyed if you ask her about soil.

Yeah. She's like, we're growing opium. I'm like, chill, lady. Yeah, I love the smell of it. Have you guys ever used the work, the help out there? What'd you say? The help. The Mexican guys outside. Have you guys ever used the work, the help out there? What did you say? The help. The Mexican guys outside.

Have you guys ever used? No, but they'll build you a fucking seven-story condo. Yeah. $7 an hour. They're great. They're amazing. That's all I'll say. Sometimes.

We did this pretty sick game show back in the day. We were trying to sell this game show where we'd do prizes for migrant workers, and we picked up about seven cool guys from the Home Depot, and we did a potato sack race around like the busiest intersection in Santa Monica okay and uh this is rich white people making these poor it was crazy it's still out there somewhere I think it's on YouTube yeah it was potato sack I think you took that down oh we did I think it's unlisted uh dang put it back off I went lockdown mode at one point and we unlisted a dang Put it back off I went in lockdown mode At one point

We unlisted a bunch of old ones You gotta be careful though Cause I picked up Some of those workers And then I got robbed They came back and robbed me Some of them stole my mom's jewelry When they helped her move

You gotta be careful man Yeah cause they're like Oh this place is sweet And like oh He leaves this door unlocked This door unlocked They came back When I was out of town

Yeah Yeah that's the problem man It's like everybody's stealing shit from everybody it's not good what did you use them for chin bed furniture you did yeah i didn't want to use them by the way i was with my girl all the time she wanted to because she's like she convinced me she's like if you don't use them you're going to go to a different service where they're okay but these guys actually really need the money so i was like good point i'll just try it they were great here's a cheat code for the bitches If you don't use them, you're going to go to a different service where they're okay, but these guys actually really need the money.

So I was like, fine, I'll just try it. They were great. Here's a cheat code for you bitches out there. When Ikea comes, drop off your furniture. You got a recliner. It's in 7,000 pieces. Just be like, yo, I'll give you $100 to put this thing together. Bro, they put it together fast.

They do? Because if you pay for it online, it's like $200 to put the shit together. That's right. Here's $100 cash, man. Put that fucking couch together. That's a 4,000-piece Lego. They suck. And what about, oh, yeah, putting something together sucks. It sucks when they go, I'm good.

Fuck. Yeah. Or my kids. I'll order my kid, like, for the birthday, you know, they like the cars they can drive, they like the cars, they can drive electric cars. You order it from Amazon, it looks sick online, it comes in a fucking shoe box, and then you gotta put it all together.

Really? It's hours, bro. And do you do it with the kid, or do you have to do it separate and then give it to your child? Well, he'll be there, but I'll help dad, and then after two minutes, he dips out, and I'm there all fucking day,

sweating my ass off. I don't put something correctly together. You know, it's a nightmare. Because then he's like, oh, dad didn't even finish his work or whatever. He's like, why do I want to turn left? Let's go right. I'm like, shut up and enjoy it.

When you dropped him off at school, was he scared or anything? No, because it's the same kid. He was in summer camp with them, and then he was also in kindergarten with them. So it's all the same kid. Dude, wandering into school when you're little was so insane, you know?

You just walk in there. But there's a part of you that wants them to be like, no, dad. And turn back like my two-year-old boss. He's in pre-K. And I was like, oh, he's going to freak the fuck out. And I dropped him off. He's like, see ya. All right, bye.

He was like embarrassed. I'm like, what the fuck? Little bison? Yeah, man. Come on, dog. Be cool, man. Oh, here's some money, huh? There's some fucking money.

Because directly behind them is a 64 Daytona Ferrari, which is fucking ridiculous. Is it really? And that black one's a Daytona, too. Those are million-dollar cars. Somebody's balling. I'm trying to get an 84 Ford Escort. What's up, friends? What's up, Theo?

This is Taylor. And Tony. Brother and sister from Denver, Colorado. We have a big club for you. Bro. Oh my god, where's the second Colorado The 430. Oof. Oh, my God. Where's this at in Colorado? Ooh, that fucking baby enamel, dog. Doggy. Ooh. Oh, damn.

Oh, you see the career with the fucking wing on it, daddy? That's Mater, baby. They got a slant nose. Somebody is rich daddy yeah i'll marry one of them yeah if you're feeling left out um maybe just chime in with what your favorite mode of transportation is i don't know, Greyhound, taxi, hitchhiking. Can you sing it? Yeah, debate club, Ferraris or Porsche.

Oh my god. I don't have to pick. I'm trying to flex on you guys. I don't have to pick. Two of my favorite cars, yeah. Favorite cars are Porsche or Ferrari. You guys answer that one then. I mean, I love the Dodge Neon, I remember.

Like the Dodge Viper, though, Daddy? I could see you in that. Mom got a Dodge Neon, dude, and my brother and I would take turns sleeping out in it at night, sleeping in the backseat. That bitch was nice as hell. It was gray. It was like outdoor gray or whatever. That's how you know you're getting older. I don't like electric

cars, like the new technology. Even in new Ferraris or new Pors older. I don't like electric cars, like the new technology. Even in new Ferraris or new Porsches, I don't like the new technology because they do everything. So you can't feel shit. So my new shit is Ferraris 2003 to 2006. Really? Because they're like naturally V8 aspirated. They're dope, man.

You can feel the road. They're loud as fuck. You get like 10 miles a gallon. I don't like the electric shit. I like a car that has gas coming out of it i even like a gas leak on a car dude there's nothing better i wish they'd make cologne out of gas oh you like a car with no gas that's a great point yeah i want the gas to be out in the air dude i love the smell of gas you know people get pissed when they spill the gas not me i love that shit i get it for the smell of gas. You know how people get pissed when they spill the gas? Not me. I love that shit. I get it for the rest of the way.

Dude, best thing I ever saw one time, this homeless dude went up to the gas tank, put gas on his hands, and just rubbed it around the edges of his freaking wiener like that. See, I like that. I'd give him $20. That'll wake you up. I'd like to do that if it was a frowned upon. Dude, if you ain't awake all day, dog, after rubbing gas on the sides of your wiener, then what are you even doing? Petrol fucking.

Then who is your leader? Who is your leader? Chin, what do you know about it, huh? If I had to choose between Ferrari and Porsche or just my whatever I want. No, Ferrari and Porsche. Just say anything. Ferrari. I would do Ferrari.

Yeah, I think Ferraris are cool. You've seen the new GT3 RS, though? I think they both look dope. But for whatever reason, the Ferrari just seems to be bigger for me. Just the way it looks. Certain ones are, yeah, for sure. They are. But dude, if you're on TRT, you're going to look like little, what's his name,

Yim Jong Young. Fucking mutt. You're going to look like Wreck-It Ralph in a Ferrari. Keep doing this TRT, daddy. I'm on the lightest, smallest thing. Get on Finasteride. It made me lose a lot of my hair. What's up? Get on Finasteride, man. It made me lose a lot of my hair.

TRT, yeah, it can. I'm already losing my hair, so whatever. Here's what you don't understand. You don't understand the difference between I'm already losing my hair and, oh, damn, more of my hair. Yeah, gone. No, but I'm also worried about... You don't realize you're on the path to look like a Korean megamind. Hey, I used to shave my head

all the time, so I'm cool. But for now, I'm worried about the side effects, the sexual side effects. Dude, ED. Do coke. Do coke. That's more ED. You can figure your way out of ED, dude.

Tape a popsicle stick to your wiener dude i don't want to do that you can't but not if you're on trt though honestly sexual stuff yeah you'll have you will have not if you're on trt it shouldn't be oh okay so you're saying that's that you want to have sex yeah i'm gonna be popping on the right dose yeah isn't that part of the it can be i i overused it my dick dick. This ain't happening for about a year. Wow. I didn't give a fuck. You guys all want this stuff. Man, my snail wouldn't wake up,

Doug. Sweet reprieve. I didn't care. Look, I've been down that road, bub. Your dick won't wake up? Yes. I thought you were smoking weed in the morning, man, without me knowing. I've been down that road where my dick just ain't even doing with me no more. Yep. I thought he was smoking weed in the morning, man, without me knowing. I've been down that road where my dick just ain't even doing with me no more. Yep, I thought he was dead.

This was just a coincidence. We talked crawfish and Dan's on it. We made it to the O'Bonds stomping ground. That Bubba Sparks? Slide there, Louisiana. Gang, baby. We came to stay for y'all. Everybody eats that.

Everybody eats that good tail. But do you suck that head? No, dude. King of the state. No, there's something there. He's on the front. Look at him sucking on my eyes. Look at him sucking on my face.

I know he do. Buzz, buzz. Oh, hilarious. Oh, that's a good. That shit looks nice. I know it's good. Look at them boiled shrimp they got. They coming through, baby.

Are you a crawfish fan i like crawfish man my brother does a big boil every uh year and i love crawfish yeah it's good van van dvinkle tradition it's just everywhere tradition down there really everybody does it on april but you guys you guys uh because i used to have i used to work to this lady and she would clean the dishes and she like'd like suck, what'd she say, suck the heads, eat the tails. Yeah. It was disgusting. She didn't have teeth, big teeth.

Damn, but what'll do it? Body like an armadillo. Oh, it'll eat the enamel right off your fucking teeth, bro. So wait till you get married to do it. But I think, yeah, I sucked the head, man, but I never sucked it from the front like that, dude. You suck it from the back? You suck that thing from the open part. Yeah, the back. You suck it from the back. Oh, it the head, man, but I never sucked it from the front like that, dude. You suck it from the back? You suck that thing from the open part. Yeah, the back.

You suck it from the back. Oh, it's good, man. But, yeah, you get that thing out the front. But also, what are you sucking? The brains out? You're just getting all the juice that's been in there in the boil. You're getting that in your mouth. You're getting a little.

No, you're sucking the brains, dog. That's the meat in the head. If that thing has a brain in it, dude, it ain't much. That's what you're eating, though, dog. I've never caught one of them bitches at the library, dog. Those things are on the side of the ditch living in these little tall things of dirt. I'll tell you right now, I work too hard to be sucking on the fucking brains of crawfish, daddy. That's true.

Now, that's the other way to look at it is that it's a poor man's snack. Like, my girl had the, she was like, oh, it's cow tongue and cow intestine soup. I said, bitch, I work way too hard for you to eat this. Yeah. What are we doing? You ain't sleeping on the floors in Mexico anymore. Oh, yeah, el pisos. But, yeah, I think it's beautiful over there.

Nick? I always thought an interview show, like a crawfish boil in L.A. with, like, a homeless encampment in the background could be like Theo's Hot Ones. He's interviewing someone, you're boiling the fish, you see the homeless. You see LA but you bring Louisiana. Like on Skid Row?

There's a million places you can go. You don't have to go. But why are the homeless in the back? So you get the LA feel with the Louisiana tradition and he's interviewing someone. It's called Suck On someone. I used to know. It's called Suck Ones. I used to know a girl.

Yeah, Suck Ones is good. That's good. You guys should have that. I used to know a girl named D'Lynn or whatever. Nah, I went over to a crawfish bowl. Stan Verrett came one time. It was in downtown L.A. in a parking lot. People are eating them.

And in the background, homeless people were milling around and, you know, needling out or whatever, jousting. Jousting each other. Bro, I had a, it was like a deep-fried crawfish, but it was at an Asian place in New York. I was out there doing PR for my special, and I ate the whiskers and the eyeballs. Good. They were crunchy. Shrimp.

When you deep-fry shrimp, you eat everything. Damn. That's that Korean. Koreans eat it all, brother. It don't matter. You know, I've run across a lot of Koreansoreans recently i heard yeah john part yep famous dude bobby lee um well how do you guys eat squid um anyone fuck with the head of the squid or i'm not squid uh eel oh yeah we eat the face of the eel no not, not the face. Damn. No, no. Damn. No.

Face of the eel. That'd be a good scary movie, huh? Good Chinese movie. Potentially. Face of the eel. But no face of the eel. They're like, well, it's like a rock. Facing the eel, dude. Facing the eel.

Being gay. Yeah, facing the eel on some black porn. Oh, damn, boy. That's crazy, dude. Facing the eel. That's crazy. That. Face in the ear. That's crazy. That might be the episode name. Brendan might have come out with that one, man.

That's it? That's a good one. That's it, man. Me and you, brother. Yeah, man. I got some shows coming up in Wichita, Omaha, brother. Yeah, man. I got, what do we got? I got some shows coming up in Wichita, Omaha, Denver. Oh, bro, you're doing Paramount Theater in Denver?

That's my bucket list. It is? That's when I know I've made it. Really? Yeah, as a kid, I'd walk by. It has the big blue bear in front of it. I haven't seen it before. Yeah, I'm excited. Remember, we're going to add some more shows at the Paramount,

but we're going to add them on a different weekend. My mom's going to need tickets, that's for sure. Yeah. You'll meet my mom. Bring her out, dude. I'll bring her out. Yeah, bring her out. Could you do a few minutes, you think, at the top?

Oh, yeah. That'd be good, man. And then where am I? I'm in Appleton, Wisconsin. Appleton, September 8th through the 10th. Ontario. Ontario Improv is September 15th through the 10th. Ontario. Ontario Improv is September 15th through the 17th. That's one of my favorite clubs.

Ontario Improv. And then I end September in Boston. Boston's the 29th of September through October 1st. That's Laugh Boston. And then San Jose, Salt Lake City just went on sale for October. Get you some. Thickboy.com. But Appleton and Ontario, you're up, man.

Yeah, and then I got some sad news. I'm going to be taking a step back from being on King and the Sting. I just want to thank you guys for just being a part of my life and

letting this show be a part of your life. And I'm grateful to you brendan man appreciate it um and yeah today was a lot of fun and the best brother yeah it was the best today was today was awesome funniest guy i know thanks bro i appreciate that man um shit we've been doing what, four years? I don't know. Has it been that long?

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Man. Yep. Yeah, I... You just got to handle some shit, brother. There's a bigger thing for you out there, you know? Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know what it is exactly, man. I mean, yeah, I mean, it's sad, you know? I feel sad about it, you know? But it's still an exciting show, and there's great people here. And I think that that's important, you know, that there's, that it's a great show still, uh, for people. Yeah, grateful of Chris and Eric and everyone. Yeah, and for people to enjoy, man. And, um, yeah, I love you guys.

And, uh, yeah, just thank you so much. There'll be some times where I'll pop back in, you know, um, but just, just, I just don't want to kind of leave that in the lurch. I feel like I've left it there for a while and it's probably made it uncomfortable as a listener maybe and this is a people working here too you know

not to be able to you know be sure of me and so anyway thank you guys man I love y'all and I love you bro love you brother you know that gang gang alright guys buzz buzz for old times I should have done this in the middle of the show but for old times do we maybe we maybe want to all eat a hot chip? I'm down.

I don't want that. Okay. All right. All right. Working OT all night long How many times I gotta make this song? Ay, hold on, what is this? Now y'all wanna switch? Y'all just added Stevie and Eric And now y'all adding Chris? How's that gonna fit?

Wait, I get the gist I just probably have to slow it down And hit it like this It's the king, the wing, and the sting It's the wing and the king and the sting Hold on, wait a minute, let me think It's the king and the sting and the wing Let's go King and the sting and and the Wing. Let's go.

King and the Sting and the Wing. Got it full circle and put on the whole team. Legendary trio, Britney, Chris, and Theo, what you mean? You know it's the King and the Sting and the Wing.