The Golden Hour - Episode 20: Black Widow in White Face

Episode Date: May 16, 2019

The boys test out a brand new buzzer and talk texting during the holidays, Ellen vs Bieber, solo trips to the movies, famous Owl's, transition mullets, The Met Gala drip rip, Nugget THOTS, The Culture Corner with Deric and Cat, Tupac vs Biggie, Master P, Mystikal, Meth nuggets, cereal debates: Cap'n Crunch vs Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Urine tears, CTE flare up's and much more!OLLIE - https://www.myollie.com/try/katsHIMS - https://www.forhims.com/kats ShipStation - https://www.shipstation.com/  Promo Code: KATSLearn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I guess I am. Let me put my keys in my pocket. Oh yeah, that's a good place for them. I put mine on the ground, dude. You do? Yeah. You fresh back from New York and you're rocking the old FDNYT, huh? Yeah, I got that fire department because there's a fire. You know who to call. Well, yeah. You don't want to fuck it up and order pizza, you know?

You got to call fire department. Yeah, it's good that you can call the New York fire department when you're in L.A. Hopefully, then. Oh, dude, they come. They care. They're the best. They are the best. Didn't you see 9-11, dude?

They're the best, bro. You're right. You ever seen Backdraft? Huh? You ever seen Backdraft? Yeah, well, where's that filmed? I think Philadelphia. Yeah, half the people died.

So good, but not as good as New York Fire Department. Dude, you kind of look like you're in Backdraft. Really? Is Mel Gibson in Backdraft with that mullet? You know what I'm talking about? I look like Mole Gibson. You know? And this isn't a mullet. It's a hockey haircut. It's a mullet, Mel Gibson. What? This isn with that mullet? You know what I'm talking about? I look like Mole Gibson. You know? And this isn't a mullet.

It's a hockey haircut. It's like third-degree burn, Mel Gibson. What? This isn't a mullet. This is a hockey haircut, dude. Was that Mel Gibson backdraft or am I off? Huh? Am I off right now?

I don't know, dude. You look like something that Drake keeps on his keychain today, bro. You got a Toronto Raptors jersey? What's up? And you're drinking a cup of noodles? No, dude. They don't have any cups, so I tossed out the bullshit noodles in this thing, turned it into a coffee cup.

Holla. Holla. Making chicken shit into chicken soup, baby. That's what we call where I come from. Really? Yeah. Where did you come from, dude? Who knows, dude?

Wow. New York was good to you, though, huh? Yeah, New York was knows, dude? Wow. New York was good to you, though, huh? Yeah, New York was cool, man. What happened? I had a couple of different shows. Good shows? Carolines? The shows are not my favorite club, man.

It's okay. It's just like a chop shop. I'm surprised you did Carolines. Why don't you do Gotham? I'd never done Carolines. Or Gramercy Theater? Yeah. Next time just like a chop shop. I'm surprised you did Caroline's. Why don't you do Gotham? I'd never done Caroline's. Or Gramercy Theater? Yeah. Next time I'll do something different.

This is just, I don't know. I wanted to do it because I've never been there. But they tried to hurry. We had meet and greet after. They tried to hurry the people through and stuff. It just made me kind of upset. Yeah. And then, yeah.

Did you meet some? The guy started the, I don't know. I'm just complaining now. But look, I was grateful that everybody came out. It was good. You look like shit, man. Let's get back to that. Yeah, you look like shit.

Dude, I can't believe that. I knew this was a fire department, okay? Your shirt doesn't look like shit. You look like shit. Yeah, well, this is who I am. You look like the fourth Jonas brother who got caught in a microwave. Yeah, dude. You look like Jonas dirt.

Jonas dirt. Three sexy ones and you just got fucking melted in a microwave. Yeah, dude. You're like Jonas Dirt. Jonas Dirt. Three sexy ones, and you just got fucking melted in a microwave. I look like no Jonas. Dude, you look like fucking... What, bro? What do I look like, man? Damn, the steam from that coffee's making your CTE flare up, dude. Dude, I don't know where I'm at right now.

I just saw your eyebrows kind of fucking try to fucking get off of your head. They're looking for help. Where were you at, man? This weekend? Yeah. I don't even know anymore. Really? Oh, it was my girl's birthday.

Oh, damn, dude. It's my girl's birthday, bro. Oh, that sounds miserable. I mean, actually, it sounds beautiful, man. She's a beautiful lady. No, don't try to cover it up. I'm with you, man. Birthdays suck, especially after 30.

No, they do. After 30, it's like, like what are we doing do you really need a gift every year every year what is this what is every year we have to do this yeah it's like somebody's like oh like santa's stopping by and it's off time just to give you something you know i guess it does feel a little randy doesn't feel a little like it's getting old. It's just an old kind of tradition. Like after 16, let's stop giving gifts. Yeah? Yeah. You know what else?

Don't text me. Well, my birthday, you can text me. Don't text me during holidays. Yeah. Of course, dude. Of course I want you to have a Merry Christmas. I don't need you to text that. Yeah.

Happy Thanksgiving? Fuck off, dude. Yeah, I'm with my family, dude. Yeah. Happy Thanksgiving? Fuck off, dude. Yeah, I'm with my family, dude. I don't need some chick I met in a trap house or something four years ago to send me a God is good today. I don't need that or happy Easter when you sucked me off in Cleveland seven

years ago. This is the Lord's Day. What, bro? Or it's Ramadan and you're fucking, hey, good luck with your fasting. Okay. Well, I'm not Muslim. Yeah.

You know what I'm saying? Oh, Ramadan. I'll hit everybody up on Ramadan, dude. Me too. And I just sent them pictures of food. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And water. I put happy Ramada, dude, because- The Ramada Inn, baby.

Yeah, shout out, huh? Shout out to the Ramada Inns, dog. Don't toast me, bro. Don't toast me, brother. Do not toast me, dude. Don't toasty, dude. Let's touch feet. Don't toasty? What is this's touch feet. Don't toasty?

What is this? Huh? What's this contraption? Because to be honest, a little scared of it. We got a random black box where in America, today's culture, dangerous. Dangerous to put the on button. Well, this might have been that Malaysian flight. Maybe this thing fell out of that Malaysian flight.

Maybe, bro. It's the black box. But that's our new buzzer. They never found it, I don't think. They still haven't, and here it is. Should we turn it on? That's why I said Elon Musk, if he were a real wizard, he'd fucking find it. But he's over here making bullshit-ass garages in the ground. And subway

systems. Yeah, dude. Get my ass, bro. Do you want me to turn it on? Yeah, turn it on, man. What happened? Whoa! Ooh. Ooh. Okay. Let me do that again. Okay.

Oh, my God. It sounds like a lesbian. Charlie, let me hear the voice again. I want to try to figure out who it is. It might be Johnny Cash. It's pretty nice. It is nice, actually. Give me a little volume on that. You ready?

Yeah. So if we want to king it, want to king it, a little gang gang. Oh, hell yeah. Sting it. Who is that, bro? That sounds very Game of Thrones-y.

Yeah. Don't tell me anything, bro. I'm on episode seven of the first season. Do not tell me anything, bro. I'm on episode seven of the first season. Do not tell me anything. Joffrey! Episode seven? Joffrey, you shit boy. Unbelievable.

Dude, who does Joffrey's hair, you think, bro? Stan from that Eminem letter? God, his shit is fucked up, huh? Yeah. It's like that kind of violent, it's that angry lesbian kind of chop. It's a bit of the Beeb when he was younger, though. Is it, you think? Yeah, that Ellen Beeb lesbian cut.

Oh, yeah. I remember when Ellen and the Beeb had crossed hair pads. Remember that? Remember when they switched, did like a Freaky Friday and switched hairs? Did they? Yeah, but they looked exactly the same. That's crazy, man. It worked out for both of them.

Yeah, that's true. And both of them are doing well, yeah. That's a good point. Who can dance better, though? Bieber. Bieber. Ellen's 61. Yeah. It's not really... My grandma, every time I saw her, broke out and danced like, bitch, you need to stop. Let's start the show. Yeah!

What up, boys? What up, dog? Not much, Derek. Good to see someone who knows what they're talking about, dude. Yeah, it's good to see someone with an opinion. Yeah, and good to see someone who knows what they're talking about, dude. Yeah, it's good to see someone with an opinion. Yeah, and good to see someone with a dope-ass haircut, Frederick Derek-less. Hell yeah. And finally, even though we asked last week, we got pictures of Derek and Kat, guys. You can see them if you haven't been on YouTube.

Yep, we're putting them in. No way. Yeah. Dope. Yep. That was your idea, Elon Muskie? That's it, man. That's what they call me. That Elon Musketeer over Muskie? That's it, man. That's what they call me.

Elon Musketeer over here. Elon Musk at fire, dude. Thanks, boys. Gang, gang. Buzz, buzz, dude. Let's go. King of the Sting it today. Our first one is from Noam Schmidt from Tel Aviv, Israel.

Oh, wow. Noam out here. Yeah, Noam from Tel Aviv. He's a Noam? No, he's Noam. What up, Theo and Brandon? This is your boy, Schmitty. Schmitty? Coming at you straight out of Tel Aviv. He's a Noam? No, he's Noam. What up, Theo and Brendan? This is your boy, Schmitty. Schmitty?

Coming at you straight out of Tel Aviv, Israel. That's right from the motherfucking Holy Land, man. Oh, shit. Don't cuss when you say that. I've been doing enough work watching me some. Oh, my. Anyway, got to sting it for you guys. Brendan Shabbat.

I recently went to see that new Avengers movie, which is dope by the way. And I went to go see it alone. I went by myself. The reason I went by myself is because I don't know, none of my friends' schedules would meet with mine, so I just went to see it. When a Marvel movie drops,

I'm going to watch that motherfucker. Gang, bro. Yeah, so anyway, my king and her sting for you guys is what do you think about going to watch that motherfucker gang bro Yeah, so anyway my king in a sting for you guys is when you think about going to the movies by yourself King it or sting it man. Let me know and just for the record I'm not the guy sitting in the back jerk enough right? I'm sitting front center man. I'm watching a movie tight move respect bro Buzz a real hero like Ned Stark or gnome Stark right there I can't go to the movies by myself. Yeah. Respect. Let me know, guys. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. Keep it real. Buzz, buzz. A real hero like Ned Stark or Gnome Stark right there.

Yes, sir. And, bro, shout out to be here with Brennan Shabbat. I saw a picture of him in the back. Yeah, Shabbat. Brennan Shabbat. Yeah, man, sit in the front if you're going to jerk off, dude. Don't be a little wiener, you know? Sit up front.

Yeah, be up front about it so you don't get arrested. Yeah, bro, you know what I'm saying? Get yourself some Raisinets and jack off. Yeah, I don't know who the Avenger, I mean, I know that Captain America front. Yeah, be up front about it so you don't get arrested. Yeah, bro. You know what I'm saying? Get yourself some Raisinets and jack off. Yeah, I don't know who the Avengers, I mean, I know that Captain America's in there, but also whoever else, bro. Mighty Fauntleroy, whoever the fuck the Avengers are, get up there and jerk off with the best of them, beat the world. You know what I'm saying?

Shout out to Tel Aviv. Sounds like he has some busy friends if he doesn't know their schedules. Well, maybe just text them and see if they're available to hang out for the movie. Bro, they don't have text in the Holy Land. You have to send like an owl. You're right. You gotta send a pigeon. Yeah, you have to send a pigeon or a raven.

You have to paint a raven white and fucking tell them it's like a dove. Or they just pray on it and hope movie times work out. Isn't that crazy in the olden days for like to, because a raven, a dove was expensive. So they'd whiten up a raven and they'd send it like that at weddings and stuff. Isn't that crazy? They'd bleach the raven? Yeah, because you could get a raven, a dove was expensive, so they'd whiten up a raven. And they'd send it like that at weddings and stuff.

Isn't that crazy? They'd bleach the raven? Yeah, because you could get a raven easy. They would Sammy Sosa the ravens? Exactly. A little Sosa raven, baby. That's dope. Dude, that is, bro.

And then they also, at some point in time, in history of time, they had, because then you would just kill something. The ravens would show up. They're easy to get. Doves. How are you going to get them? The rats of the sky, baby. No. That's pigeons, you idiot. I mean, you're a nice... Oh, you're right. Dude. Hamsters are the fucking doves of the sky.

No, hamsters are land animals, dude. They're ground animals. I know, I know, but if you're... But they're the... No, you don't know how gravity works, dude. You don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Let's move on, bro. No, thank you. Wait. Well, answer his question. What's he... No, you don't know how gravity works, dude. You don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Let's move on, bro. No, thank you. Well, answer his question. What's he... Go to...

Oh, movies by yourself? Movies by yourself. Growing up, man, I saw Ace Ventura, Pet Detective. Growing up? You mean this week? No. My mom let me miss school. I saw it six days in a row by myself.

Now, as a grown man with a kid, can't be going by myself anymore. A little weird. But when I was younger, I used to be super gangster about it. Go all the time by myself. Really? King that shit, dude. Fuck your friends. Hashtag no new friends. Well, look, I must say that a lot of time, it's basically you're just auditioning for virtual reality

when you go to a movie by yourself. You're just making to see if it's possible for one day to you to be completely enclosed in a place where you'll know everyone's schedules. You can put on a VR, You'll know everyone's schedules. You know, a ferry will stop by and say hey to you right in front of you if you want it to or whatever. You know, maybe a truck full of fresh apples will just capsize right next to you and you'll

have whatever you want. Anything's possible is what you're saying. Virtual reality. You're auditioning for that right now, brother, so I think you're doing well. Also, you're in the Gaza Strip, dude. You might never even see this video. You could have, you know, caught a bomb to the jaw right now. Or a rock. You know? I just went through a rock. That's what they do over there. It's a rock, bro. stripped, dude. You might never even see this video. You could have caught a bomb to the jaw right now. Or a rock.

I just went through a rock. That's what they do over there. It's a rock, bro. Oh, dude. You ever seen the videos? Bro, them and the... Boulders, bro. Bro, the Palestinians, they fucking got a lease issue on the land. So they're figuring it out, dude. So if you're still alive, no, shout out, bro. Be safe. Shout out to that dude, man. Dude, see whatever you can while you're alive,

brother. Dude, but also, don't waste time trying to get a girl and take her to the movies. Get one of them cyberbots. Yeah. Yeah, dude, you're already living halfway virtual. Just get a girl. Yeah. Get a robot, dude.

Dude, get a robot. You're over there. They're sexy, man. Dude, you're in Israel, bro. Einstein. He's Jewish, dude. Who else? Fucking, uh.

Larry David. Larry David, dude. Get in a sitcom. Get a robot. Fran Drescher robot Fran Drescher now definitely dude some Jewish women can be really

fucking angry so you might want to get shut up a towel yeah make a night be a funny movie yeah fuck that guy yeah

there you go gang bro up next this is uh this is just for King of the Sing It huh this is for life dude

that thing's awesome mine always is sad. Well, no, you got to reach over. It's a simple, it's about a half an inch. You just got to hit that, dude. Oh. I love that. You feel like somebody just shot a T-shirt at me at a fucking horrible Charlotte Hornets

game. Let's go. Let's keep it going. Yeah, it is what they do. Two minutes. All right, what do you got? Up next, this is from Jeff Traynor. This video's from Jeff Traynor.

JT. JT. Hey, guys. Chitty, chitty. Gang, gang. Chitty, chitty. Could be a new thing. Chitty, chitty, bang, bang. Nope. King it or sting it. Yeah, please don't do it. Ow Gang. Chitty Chitty could be a new thing. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

Nope. King of the Stinging. Yeah, please don't. Owls. What do you think? What do you know about them? Have you ever even seen one before? What?

Is that Brian Callen? Dude, that's Brian Tallon. You could rip his drip for all I care. Rip his drip for all I care. Stinging on the owls, man. Dude, look at his fucking talons. Chitty Chitty. Dude, he for all I care. I'm just hanging on the owls, man. Dude, look at his fucking talons. Chitty, chitty. Dude, he looks just like it. Yeah, they look like

twins. And look, they've been smoking Wheaties on that Bob Marley show. One love. Wow. This dude's balls deep in the owl. Roll back just so we have the owl end scene there, please, Derek. Beautiful Derek. Ooh, me. Dude, look at that thing's fucking dinosaur claws. I don't trust owls, bro. I'll look at that thing's fucking dinosaur claws.

I don't trust owls, bro. I'll tell you that right now. I look like an owl a little bit, I think. You do look a tad like an owl. Yeah, you get the same noses. Slanted eyes, same nose. Yeah, like we just put your nose down a tad. You get the same nose.

Same chest hair. Same body. Not body. Yeah, feet kind of. Not arms. Same body. Yeah, similar shoulder width. I don't trust fucking owls, man.

This is the thing. Anything that can turn its head 360 degrees, I'm out. I'm out. Yeah, it can, dude. You ever seen an owl do that? Yeah, it can. Yeah, dude. It's testing you.

I don't trust them, bro. I don't trust fucking owls. I don't trust people who own owls. But I like this guy. Dude, I don't fucking trust a guy who dresses like Grimace from San Quentin, okay? But I still show up to work with him every day. Owls, dude, killed that woman in that movie, that documentary, The Staircase. I don't know if you've seen that or not.

Dude, that's the conspiracy theory there. That guy that killed his wife blamed it on fucking owls, and they took the blame, bro. Two wives. Two wives. Yeah, the guy that killed two wives. Two of them. Blamed it on owls full time. You know what?

I believe it. Oh, dude. It's such bullshit. He's like it on owls full time. You know what? I believe it. Oh, dude. It's such bullshit. He's like, fucking owls, bro. This is a nice owl. I've eaten some fucking shitty owl at my sister's house on Thanksgiving. Here's what you don't know about owls. Not as much meat on them as you'd expect.

They look meaty. You take off the jacket, the fur coat. They're basically the Joan Rivers of the animal kingdom. You take off the fur coat, bro, they fucking, you know. Pretty flimsy. Very little meat on them, dude. It's like opening a new bag of fucking Pringles. You know what I'm saying?

There's not much going in. They're about half full. Yeah, it's like cracking open a fresh thing of avocados from Mexico when they got a lean Latino boy in there, you know. Yeah, not enough avocados. Not enough meat is what we're saying. Yeah, not enough meat on the boat, dude. Not enough meat, bro. So I'll say this.

Anybody, some places owls need to go down. Some places they're endangered. I don't trust them, bro. I do not trust them. It's neighborhood to neighborhood, dude. You know, dude, they had an owl when I was young, picked up my buddy's little sister, no joke, and lifted her probably maybe 18 inches off the ground. Still, though, it's impressive.

I don't fucking trust them. Anything that turns head 360, demon. Yeah. Demon animal. That's the devil's work. That's the Satan's bird, dude. You know they can drink milk out of a cow? Yeah, I did know that.

There used to be videos of it. I don't know if there still is. You know they kill each other? Yeah, they do. They're fucking owls, bro. Fuck yeah, dude. What do you think? If you saw an owl and you are an owl, you're going to let that other one live?

Dude, most famous owl, go. Huh? Most famous owl. What do you think? Owl gore. Look him up. Owl gore? He invented the internet.

No, here you go. How about the owl from fucking the Tootsie Roll? The Tootsie Pop. One, two, three. Yeah, that sugar owl. Three owls. Yeah, that's that little stupid ass bird. I fucking hated that thing since I was a kid. Look at that little owl, bro. Little cross-eyed Muppet. Fuck that sugar. Three. Yeah, that's that little stupid ass bird. I fucking hated that thing since I was a kid.

Look at that little hoe, bro. Little cross-eyed Muppet. Fuck that thing, dude. Blue ass eyes. He's all high all the time trying to educate kids how many times it takes to lick the fucking Tootsie Roll. You ever lick the Tootsie Roll? 3,000 licks to get to that goddamn center.

Yeah, man. It's full of shit. Dude, first of all, if you're licking that, bro, you might as well find a woman. By the time you get to 70 licks, some thought is going to come by. Squirt in your mouth. What? Why would you say that, dude? Why would you say that, man?

I haven't had breakfast yet. Dude, I thought we were having a nice conversation about owls. Yeah, we were having a nice conversation, dude. Why would you ever say that? We're spitballing ideas here, man. Oh, we're spitballing ideas? You're disgusting. That owl's conversation, dude. Why would you ever say that? We're spitballing ideas here, man. Oh, we're spitballing ideas? You're disgusting. That owl's disgusting, dude.

Oh, yeah. Deflect the blame, you creep. I like the guy. Fuck his owl. Well, obviously, Brendan. They look exactly the same, by the way. Is a dirtball. And I'll say this, buddy, and I think I know this guy.

I think this dude is my friend Tim's ex-roommate. They used to live in Baton Rouge over there off of Highland. He collect owls? No, but he looked like that guy. Actually, this guy looks a lot stronger. Actually, I don't know this guy. That guy's Shred City. Yeah, I've never met this guy. He looks like he sleeps with the owls. I bet owls are pretty cuddly. First of all, owls, dude. Mailman in Hogwarts. So obviously doing good shit. Anybody that can transcend universes and go from realm to realm like that. It's dark arts. Owls are dark arts.

I know they are. You know this. Yeah, dude. They're the mascot of black magic. I'm not sitting over here trying to get them to come in my mouth like you are. No, I'm not either, dude. I was talking about the cartoon in Tootsie Rolls. No t-shirts, you idiot.

That's what people say when you're disgusting. Hey, first of all, if you're hustling owls, they're fucking expensive, dude. I'm saying the meat on them. They can't be cheap, man. You don't buy it. You just hunt it? You kill them, yeah.

You have to have enough owls around you. Okay. And if you have enough owls around you, dude, there's nothing good going on. So gun a couple down or use a lasso. But I love them, brother, and thank you for taking care of one. And thanks for submitting one of the dopest videos we've gotten with a live-ass owl. Bro, they're God's Ubers, dude, and they send messages from the netherworld straight to us.

No, they're Satan's Postmates. That's what they are, yeah. Owls? Yeah, you can't trust an owl, bro. That's the overall theme of that whole thing, man. You know nothing, and you'll die early. You don't know shit, dude. What else you got? trust an owl, bro. That's the overall theme of that whole thing, man. You know nothing and you'll die early. You don't know shit, dude. What else you got?

And you'll die early. You're dying right now. We got relationship advice. Yeah, whatever. Yeah, what's up? The first one is from Tyler Metta. Tyler Data now? Tyler Metta.

I'm going to send you to live out there by the Iron Castle. What up, Theo? What up, Brennan? It's Tyler from Kingsburg, California, Central Valley, working them fields, boy. Gang, boy. You know, I got some relationship advice for you. Me and my girlfriend of two years just recently broke up. You know, she goes to college about a few hours away.

I'm over here working two jobs. All the stress and distance kind of got to us. But we still love each other. Just now is not our time. But we still love each other. Just now is not our time. But, you know, she's my person. I really want to wife her up. But I don't know what to do.

Should I just move on, just forget about her, or just wait for her? Just let me know, guys. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz, little lover bird. Very beautiful story here. And this is very, I've read this book, and this is John Steinbeck wrote this story. And this man is working in the strawberry fields down there near Salinas. Dude, give him a little strawberry

fields forever. His girlfriend's out there getting collared, getting learned out. She's getting leaned out all right. Whoa, guy. This is the love of his life, dude. Full backpack full of books. Yes, that's what I'm talking about. A lot of books going on. A study guide, you feel me? backpack full of books. Yes, that's what I'm talking about. It's a catch in my drift. Yeah.

A lot of books going on. A study guide, you feel me? A lot of books. Some study guide named LaVeldrin. Some study guy named Daryl. Oh, no. We're just joking with you, buddy. No, I'm just kidding, man.

She's definitely not touching anyone in college. No. And she's out there. I think what you do is you got to take that sabbatical, man. You got to take that little break from your lady. I think you give her some space, man. I think you send her a shitload of strawberries. Well, look, I mean.

Every day. Ooh, I think you send her some once in a while. Keep her full of just, make sure she always has you in her mouth a little bit. Yeah, send her an owl. Keep her company. Have an owl spy on her in college. We know a guy.

Oh, yeah, we do know a guy. We just met this guy, a white guy, a Bob Marley fan, who was either actually had an owl or was so high he made us believe he had an owl. Or were high. He thought he had an owl. And it was fucking a stuffed toy.

Owl Bundy, dude. I did see it put one of its hands in his pants like that. And try and sell some women's shoes. Ah, peg. Peg. Yeah. Get out of here, bud.

So with this, dude, man, there's nothing wrong with taking a little break. If that's your person, go for it, dude. Go for it, brother. Plus, it's also good to take a little break. Experiment a little, dude. Gain some experience before you just jump on in for life. He's young as fuck. Keep picking them strawberries.

Pick up a couple hoes on the way. And then when she graduates, you got four years of this, bro. Yeah, man. Four years, save the money, pick the strawberries, get your dick, son. And then after four years, you guys reunite. And you got a pet owl. And a shitload of strawberries. He's in the hot sun.

You guys can't hear on the audio, but the video is from he's out in the fields, basically. He's doing the damn thing. This guy is Nice set of hair on him, too. Yeah, I mean, he's a very handsome young man. I could see him in Westeros, to be honest with you. I like that shirt. But shout out to Engine96 Ladder54, the Bronx.

You know what I'm saying? End of story, that's what they say, dude. Sometimes you gotta let the fire burn, bro, and sometimes you gotta let it sizzle out and show back up later. You know, when everybody—and just rescue your girl out the ashes. You know, you can be that rescue rabbit. And so, you know, your girl's out there, and, you know, the world's chewing on her. She's a carrot. And then in a little while, bro, she's going to be all kind of chewed up, and you're going to fucking sneak in there, that rescue rabbit with them frescas, baby.

And juice her, baby. With them strawberries, you know? Juice her like a carrot. Or she's a dragon queen. She's on fire, dude. Yeah. She's on fire, but she don't burn. Show up with a hose, bro.

Show up with two pails of water in three years and fucking quench her thirst for love. And then hopefully in three years, don't show up and she's with a guy named Drago who's fucking shred city and looks way better than you. Let's not do that. Yeah, but cut him in the chest with a knife and he'll die about a week later. Slick the hell on him. Good luck, brother.

Yeah, man. It sounds like, yeah, just be patient, man. You know what I'm saying? Don't do anything unless you really, really feel it. Don't do it if you just think it, bro, because you're going to ruin it. You're talking about desperation. Dude, lease a few cars if you catch my drift

before you buy one. Lease, lease, lease. Then you're buying for you. Oh, yeah. Before you buy one. Lease. Lease, lease. Then you're buying for you. Yeah, hop on a line, brother. Dude, jump on a few birds, baby. Jump on a few birds. Take a couple Ubers. Yeah.

Up next, we got Lauren from Nebraska. This is, oh, God, she sounds cute. Those eyebrows are nice. Okay. Different than. Here we go. What's up, guys? This is Lauren from Nebraska.. He sounds cute. Wow, those eyebrows are nice. Okay. Different than. Here we go. What's up, guys? This is Lauren from Nebraska.

One of my best friends. Thinking about growing out the hair, you know. It's getting kind of long here. Beautiful hair. Growing it out. I want to get a mullet. You know, that Walmart Wolverine. The Louisiana Purchase.

I feel you, baby. Yes, sir. Already rocking the Osama Bin Laden. Yeah, let's cut that, though. Or the muff tickler, however you want to look at it. Yeah, no, man. Oh, my God. I don't want to think about that.

The problem is, why are you hanging down for that white trash Ferrari? I'm trying to figure out how I should convince her otherwise, you know? Anyways, love you guys. Let me know what you think. Gang, gang. Buzz, buzz. Buzz. But, dude, his eyes and eyebrows are fucking, I'm in a trance. Oh, beautiful.

That's a handsome dude. Obviously. If I caught him in the club, I'd be like, what? Yeah, sure. Yeah, sure. I'll buy you a salad. I'll go back to your place. Yeah, I'll buy you a salad somewhere.

I'll buy you a fucking, I'll split a donut with you in the trunk of your car. Yeah, this guy definitely, easily could be JonBenet Ramsey in hiding, dude. This guy. Look at the eyes. Look at the skin tone. Yep. Went through transition. The fake beard. I could see that, man. Now this guy, look, man. You got the beard. You got that deal, bro. Don't let the lady determine

how you want to grow your hair, bro. You can't just listen to the lady boss you around. You just can't do that. Okay, well, give him some suggestions. The guy just wants around you can't do that okay well give him some suggestions the guy just wants a haircut you give him some suggestions because you actually have a mullet what this isn't a mullet first of all there's a long man's male haircut you know you gotta cut around the ears though dude yeah i'm gonna cut around the ears again dude as soon as i get back into the hair shop and dude do what you? I mean, right now I feel like you look like a –

He looks like he's got some rouge on or some blush on the face. Oh, he's got blush on, dude. His eyebrows are ridiculously trimmed. Yeah, dude, are you sure you have a wife, dude? Yeah, dude. You sure someone's telling you not to do it? Are you looking for Theo's approval here? Yeah, you're just looking for two men to talk to you about your hair, I feel like.

I think you're just fine. I think you already know what you want to do. Yeah, you're just looking for two men to talk to you about your hair, I feel like. I think you're just fine. I think you already know what you want to do. Yeah, dude. I mean, you look very well taken care of. And at a certain point, a beard is just transporting lice, bro, okay? Oh, disgusting. Basically, you have the underground railroad for head lice hanging under your chin. So if you bring that near a girl's crotch, bro.

They're so dirty. Beards are so dirty oh dude i was on a bus in tucson one time when i was in sure i don't know some part of school and this dude had a little uh a little kind of holder built into his beard and he had a fucking little bird in there oh tight move though that's cool is it now it was just like a homeless guy's bird eat something easy to get i think uh stupid birds Like your normal brown bird or something. Yeah, basic brown bird. Sparrow or probably a nightingale.

Yeah, stupid bird. Anyway, man, I think if you want to grow a mullet, grow a mullet, dude. But it's also not even a mullet, man. You got to, you know, it takes rocks to grow to locks, baby. You know what I'm saying? You got to have balls to drop the falls, son. Yeah, you just can't do it, man. You just can't get that hate crime on the back of your neck and think everything's going to be all gravy.

Yeah. You got to ease into it, bro. Just don't shave the sides. You look like a fucking white supremacist. What you got to do is style the top, grow the top out, and then get the feel in the back. Yeah, man. Maybe braid it, bro. Braid it at first.

See how it goes over the homies. But this is the rebellion, dude. This is the fucking, you know what I'm saying? You're growing your own. This is the thing. Your wife says you can't do it, and with the homies. But this is the rebellion, dude. This is the fucking, you know what I'm saying? You're growing your own. Like, this is the thing. Your wife says you can't do it, and then you grow it. That's what it is. That's that MTV in the early 90s.

It's that rebellion, man. It's about you doing you. You know what I'm saying? It's not about you being held down by a shit barber with a fucking one into a two with a fucking shit fade, you know? And he gots the bullshit in there and the magazines and all of that and bullshit. Here's the other thing, though. It's also the first step to transitioning. Yeah.

So if you're going to shave the sides, leave the back. Next thing you know, you got tits. Next thing you know, put a little rouge on the lips. Next thing you know, you got some mascara on. Next thing you know, you're wearing your wife's skirt. You know what I'm saying? Really? Yeah, that's how it starts with mullets, bro.

No, I've never seen any of that. All I've seen is a sheer warrior fucking grow out of my heart. That's what I'm saying? Really? Yeah. That's how it starts with mullets, bro. No, I've never seen any of that. All I've seen is a sheer warrior fucking grow out of my heart. That's all I've seen. So you grow the hair first and the rest you will follow, son. Yeah, maybe in the 80s. Quit letting your wife determine what you fucking hang on the back of your head. Yeah, don't come at us with that, bro. Do what you want. You know what?

We better get a video next week with you with a fucking mullet. Have you no courage, boy? God damn, bro. Have you no courage, boy? I gotta know what ethnicity she is, though, because if she's Mexican, they're fucking spicy, man. She's Puerto Rican. I get it, bro.

I'll send you to be one of Lord Frey's daughters, dude, out there. You better look like fucking Guillermo Yager next week, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jesus Christ. And obviously that is the name

that had Brendan drop out of school when Yairmeer Yager became one of the most famous hockey players he had for the Pittsburgh Penguins. Oh shit, you know. Give it up, dog. Don't fucking touch me, dude. You're disgusting. Cut your hair. Grow your

shit out. Don't ask your wife if you can plant something in your own yard. Yeah, just do it. And then when you come home, say, shut up. That's God's backyard, brother. And he lent you a little bit. You're just sharecropping. So why don't you ask God what he wants you to do? Sorry, man. I'm a little fired up.

No, you should be, bro. You should be. But it is. That's what's going on, man. A real man would grow it out, dude. You know? Real man wouldn't even ask. Yeah.

You better see a video next week with you, the full-blown fucking hillbilly mullet, bro. Yeah. Up next, we got Rip My Drip Met Gala edition, boys. Let's see who's there. Oh, shit. Some people look ridiculous. Oh, yeah. We're going to start with little Harry Styles.

Is this for the Mets there? Hopefully, Benny Agbayani's there. Shout out, Agbayani. Oh, my God. Is that Mark Wahlberg? Harry Styles, this is. Ooh. Macy Wahlberg.

I don't know who the fuck. It's very strange, man, when fashion goes this far. It's Styles, this is. Ooh. Macy Wahlberg. I don't know who the fuck. It's very strange, man, when fashion goes this far. It's not going this far. This is not appealing to me at all. This guy looks like. Isn't it strange to do this? Like, think about going up to a stylist and like, here's what we're going to do this year. Yeah.

Are you out your goddamn mind? I think the stylist is telling them, but it's just getting very Roman. It's very Shakespearean. At a certain point, you start dressing like a woman, then you're dating an older man. Once you've done everything, there's this Roman ladder in the world where once you have as much money and power, and then you quit dating women, and you start, you're in threesomes, foursomes, ninesomes. It's history, dude. Yeah, and then you start dating men. Yeah, that's the Greek, dude.

It's very Greek. It's very Roman. You can see styles going down that ladder right now. Just very much fall. Some stylist told him this is good, man. I mean, this guy. You know, the stylist, Hollywood's turning all these guys into little sugar babies. Eventually, you're just dating older men, playing music for them, and they're gay buddies.

Yeah. That's it, man. That's how you pay the bills, bro. That's your future, Harry. You're just a hot tub Sinatra. That's all you are then up there in the Hollywood Hills, dude. Ask Jewel, dude. Yeah, ask Jewel.

Where's she at? Stood in the rain. You're always crazy like that. Is that Jewel or is that? Yeah. What's Jewel's most famous song? Out from my doorway, there's nothing to see. Besides some comment on the weather.

No. Some handicapped girl played that in my high school one time, dude, at the talent festival or whatever, and I cried. The talent festival? Dude, I cried so much. You mean the talent show, bro? Yeah. The talent festival? It was a festival in our town because we had some fucking serious talent, dude.

Sounds fun, dude. Bro, I cried so much during the song. When I got up to walk out, I slipped on my own tears and fell down. Damn. It was that good? Oh, yeah. It moved you that much? Stood in the rain.

Dude, I don't know that song, dude. Oh, no, you know this one. Who will save your soul? And the lies that you told. Yeah, that's the jam. Some are walking, some are talking, some are talking. You know, something on Orleans Avenue. Good for her, though.

Yeah, she's good. What are we talking about? Oh, I was saying Jewel. That's what she used. She became a sugar baby because she let Hollywood eat her up and spit her out. Oh, that's what happened, man. But yeah. Who was that again?

Hilary Duff got her hair cut? What happened? Harry Styles. Harry Styles, bro, dude. Why don't you let your stepdad style you for a freaking half hour? Harry knows styles. Get the fuck out of here, bro. Yeah, dude.

Why don't you put a... Yeah, you look like you dressed up like a Christmas stock in that fucking, you look like one of Prince's fucking dick warmers. I mean, what are you even wearing, bro? That thing can't even stop the wind, bro. Dude, just because you put on a dress

don't tell us it's fashion, bro. People are doing this for years. Yeah, dude, you look like somebody ordered a couple of chocolate cocks at a Benihana and you bring out the dessert, man. Kobayashi. Jeepers, creepers, man. Tighten up, buck up. God damn, dude.

Amazing. This is Jared Leto. He's my spirit animal. Oh, not in this picture. Wow. Oh, and he has fucking, what's his name? Oh, no. He's the new Aladdin.

He's Jasmine from Aladdin. That's what's going on here. Is he really? Yep. Oh, my God. I think that's the inspiration. Dude, no. He's the new Aladdin. He's Jasmine from Aladdin. That's what's going on here. Is he really? Yep. I think that's the inspiration. Dude, this is not fashion. All he's wearing is a turtleneck and a woman's dress. He looks like how Michael Jackson was going to look if he had been alive for a couple more years.

A little more surgery. A little more advance and fucking surgery. He would have been looking like this. It looked like Michael Jackson if he was on that show Gold Hunters. What is that show where they look for gold in the hills? Oh, what is that? Nugget Boys or whatever.

Gold Nugget Boys? Nugget Thoughts or whatever. Gold Rush. Gold Rush, yeah. Dude, think how much of a narcissist you have to be to go, you know what I'm going to do this year? I'm going to have to make an expensive head and I'm going to carry it on the fucking red carpet. Dude, that's, what's his name?

The freaking Instagram prophet. The guy, everybody loves him. He's a comedian. Oh, no, you're talking about Salt Bae. He killed Salt Bae. That ain't Salt Bae, bro. That's Salt Bae, you delinquent. No, he killed Salt Bae and he carries on on the red carpet now.

That makes sense. Oh, that's baller. He's still my spirit animal, dude. I love Jared Leto. Salt Bae, dude? That's Salt Bae, bro. No, it's the guy, the comedian who dated Katy Perry. Oh, Russell Brand, Brand.

Yeah, Russell Brand. Yeah. Looks like Salt Bae to me, though. Really? That's insane. He became Salt Bae. Now I realize you can't even see out of your own eyes. You think it's Russell Brand. Yeah. Looks like Salt Bae to me, though. Really? That's insane. He became Salt Bae. Now I realize you can't even see out of your own eyes. You think it's Russell Brand, huh?

9,000% more than Salt Bae. Dude, how about all the fucking jewels he's wearing? Well, here's the sad thing, though. He probably has some little thought or some little buddy carry the head, you know? He goes to the parties and you're that fucking side piece. Bring your own head, bro. You got to carry the head while everyone's partying? I'm carrying Jared's head, you know? He goes to the parties and you're that fucking side piece. Bring your own head, bro. You gotta carry the head while everyone's partying. I'm carrying Jared's head.

Imagine being that guy. I know. Damn, but I'm kind of bummed we didn't even get invited. Me too. Would you have wore a dress, though? I feel like we have to wear dresses. Here's what I would have worn. Probably a nice green coat. Just a green coat? Yeah, something like the Masters, you know? Hmm. I don't know if that'd make it on green coat? Yeah, something like the Masters, you know? Hmm.

I don't know if that'd make it on the carpet. Yeah, it would. Just a green coat? I mean, everybody who likes golf would think it was dope. We have to put a little rouge on you. Yeah, this guy looks like, you know... He looks like he's fucking Jasmine from Aladdin. And you know what?

I dig it. Really? That's my boy, bro. He looks like he went to just Jared Leto. I mean, it looks like the fucking jackest jewelry ever, bro. That's ridiculous, dude. Yeah. What else you got, dude?

He very much looks like Michael Jackson. I'm in a bad mood today, man. You notice that? I'm in a bad mood, too. Are you? Why? I don't know why. You think it's the owl?

No, that was the best part. Yeah, you're right, dude. That owl was beautiful, man. You know what? We should be happier because of the owl. Yeah, we need right, dude. That owl was beautiful, man. You know what? We should be happier because of the owl. Yeah, we need something to lift us up. Let's get a new category. We have any new categories, man?

Of course, buddy. Get me out of these categories. You have any Laffy Taffy to make me happy? No, I'm sorry, Brennan, but we can do a little Wed, Bed, or Dead. How about that, boys? Oh, these are fun. I'll put mine in a little pink starburst and Wed, Bed, or Dead, dude. Let's do some Wed, Bed, or Dead, man.

Next episode, we have a brand new category I know that we're coming out with that's my favorite. God, you wouldn't shut up about it. Oh, shit. Oh, my God. What's up, Rat King? What's up, Francois Bunyan? Dead Poop 420 here. My three nominations for Webbed Better Dead are Roseanne, Rosie O'Donnell,

Barbara Walters. Unless, is she already dead? If so, alternate Melissa McCarthy. Let me know. And if you haven't guessed it already, kind of a chubby chaser. Anyways,

gangbang buzz, cuz. Yeah. Gangbang buzz, cuz. Yeah. Gang bang buzz, cuz. Is that Jay Shaw, man? He looks good, man. How dare you, dude. I want to say shout out to Jay Shaw, bro. You guys murdered 17 people.

Yep, and that's Jay Shaw, dude. Dude, how dare you. Very nice to see him. Dude, what was it? Roseanne. Rosie O'Donnell. And Joe Rogan. Oh, Barbara Walters. And Joe Rogan. Oh,

Barbara Walters. I'll kill all of them. Really? Yeah, none of my stuff. Oh, I'll go straight up with you. I would probably marry Roseanne

because it would be fun. Oh my God. I would bang Barbara Walters and I would- Kill Rosie O'Donnell? And Rosie O'Donnell, I would- No,

you could marry her, Duke, and then you could talk about that fucking movie they did. That I would. Kill Rosie O'Donnell. And Rosie O'Donnell. I would. You could marry her, Duke, and then you could talk about that fucking movie they did. That I love. We are members of the All-American League. We come from cities near and far. We're Canadians. We're Irish and we're more. We're all for one. We're all Americans

What's that game? Big League? What was it called? Oh my god, that is a gum, you idiot What is it? That fat kids who aren't any good at baseball Chew in the distance Oh, League of Their Own, that's right That would be your favorite movie

Makes a lot of sense Big League was always the thing that the kid who wasn't any good Had at baseball They were two kids Two kids on the baseball team were actually playing the shortstop and the second baseman and the first baseman. Those were the only three kids who were playing. The other kids were just. You were in center field.

Oh, dude. And no one could hit it that far, so you never played. I was in deep left. No one could hit it out there. Yeah. So they put the shitty kids in fucking deep left. I was in. Center field.

Dude, I remember at one point I was just telling people where to park as they kind of parked out there. Yeah, dude. I was way out there. One time I ate a bunch of mushrooms out there that were just growing. I was deep left. And then they just tell you when the game is over? Dude, you could chill with Barbara Walters and just have fun with the way she says words and shit.

Wow, Rosie O'Donnell looks like that big king that got killed. Oh, you're talking about King Ralph? No, the Game of Thrones king. Oh, Lannister? No, Ned Stark, the guy, the fat king that drank all the wine. No, that's not Ned Stark, bro. That's Baratheon.

Yeah, he looks like, she looks like Robert Baratheon. Very much so. Can we pull a picture of Robert Baratheon? They look almost identical. Yeah, she seems upset all theon. Very much so. Can we pull up a picture of Robert Baratheon? They look almost identical. Yeah, she seems upset all the time. Very much so. I feel like she would be,

yeah, it'd be rough to hang out with her all the time. Rosie? Yeah. Yeah, well, she just, you know, she was supposed to move to Europe after the election and she never did.

Talking all that shit. She's just milling around. Talking all that shit. Now you're stuck here. Yeah, now you're fucking stuck, dude. What's up? What up, baby girl? Yeah, they look pretty similar.

Very similar. There you go. Dude, I don't want to hang out with any of them bitches. I'll kill all of them. Damn, brother. No chivalry. Zero. Don't want to hang out with anyone.

Very similar, huh? Like a young Robert Baratheon. She has hormones. She could easily grow that beard. My dad's high as a rock. That was a good impersonation of him, almost, actually. Almost like spot on, dude. Yeah, dude.

Almost spot on. Oh, fucking whores. You never fucked a girl from Sucka Sucka. Sucka Sucka. That's all he ever said, man. Yeah, all he ever talked about was people fucking. Yeah, he's gross, dude. That's it.

He was disgusting. He looked like a guy who used to own a roller kingdom, and then it went under. Are you at the point where he dies yet? And he still talks about it. Are you at the point where he dies yet? And he still talks about it. Are you at the point where he dies yet? Yes, I am, brother. Perfect. No spoilers.

Dude, I don't want to have to pick out of any of these. I guess I'll marry Barbara Walters. Okay. You said you'd marry Walters, and you'd kill the rest of them. I already put mine in. Walters and I have the same haircut, so I would obviously make love to her. And Roseanne Barr, dude, you know, I think she's probably one of America's top 30 women, I think. You know?

People love Roseanne. One of the best female comedians. Look at the ratings, dude. One of the best comedians ever. Yeah, still is. You know what city she started in, bro? No, she's touring a little bit right now. You know what city she started in?

What? Denver, bro. Comedy Works. That's where she got her start. She had three kids working as a waitress and do sets at the Comedy Works in Denver. Yeah. Beast. Yeah. Beast. Yeah.

Dude, I love Roseanne. If I could do a sitcom, I would do one with Roseanne. But I'm trying to get in touch with her and see if she would. You don't sound desperate at all. You'll figure it out. Yeah. Well, look at Robert Baratheon right there. Dude, you should do a sitcom with Barbara Walters.

Really? Yeah. Dude, a sitcom, bro. I'll jerk off in front of that lady. Oh, that should do a sitcom with Barbara Walters. Really? Yeah. Dude, a sitcom, bro. I'll jerk off in front of that lady. Oh, that's a felony. Sorry, this is getting out of hand. Next! This sucks.

Up next is Nate from Albuquerque, New Mexico. Come on, Nate, bring us something. Bring it, Nate, dog! Hey, what up, boys? This is Nate from Albuquerque, New Mexico. Come on, Nate. Bring us something. Bring it, Nate, dog. Hey, what up, boys? This is Nate from Albuquerque, New Mexico. Damn. I got a wet bed of dead for you. Scarlet Witch, Black Widow, or Captain Marvel?

Tell me what you think. Gang, gang. Well, you know I love single moms, so I would date a Black Widow in a heartbeat, man. So I would marry a Black Widow. Ooh. It's a lady. Ooh, gang. Well, you know I love single moms, so I would date a black widow in a heartbeat, man. So I would marry a black widow. Ooh. It's a lady. Oh, hello. Sex.

And that lady just seems out of place in that outfit. Yeah, she doesn't seem like it fits, does it? Did she steal Captain America's outfit? Is that what's going on here? Yeah. I didn't see the movie. Yeah, it seemed like just... Oh, who was this little vulture?

Who's this red robin vulture? Who's this Red Robin vulture? Damn, boy. These girls make me want to eat at Red Robin. You feel me, bro? I feel you, bro. Get them fucking steak fries. A lot of beautiful baby birds. Do they have steak fries?

Fuck yeah, they do. Dude, how do you know all this junk food if you're supposed to be like an athlete or like a hero or something? You said it. I guess I'll be your hero, dude. Hey, to quote Tony Robbins, I'm not your guru, bro. I know fucking restaurant food, man. Yeah, but you sent like a Marie Callender's link a couple weeks ago. Oh, no.

I'm going to delete you. Dude, I hate Marie Callender's. Really? Hey, I think they're going out of business because all they sell is fucking pies since 2019. Listen, Thanksgiving, Christmas, sure, I want an apple pie. Outside that, get the fuck out of my face, man. I'm not eating pie during the middle of summer.

Dude, you seem like a- Your sales are so low. You are just an angry guy. Yeah, I am today, man. For a guy- Oh, dude, you got me fired up about pies, bro. Well, I saw you taking Kratom in the kitchen, and we'll put that video at the front of this whole episode, because I caught you out there. Yeah, you did, Catherine, doing

some drugs. You and Chin. I like the buzz. I can't trust Chin. Chin had that Korean dust. I think it's sweat and he fucking just... Oh, dude, he definitely looks like a lifeguard at a sweat lodge. First of all, what the... Look, dude, be honest with you, I'll probably jerk off to all of these

chicks and then just stay at home and watch something. Don't touch me. Scarlett Johansson, she can dress up. That's Scarlett Johansson? Yeah, in the black, dude. She can dress up wherever the fuck she wants. I'm on board with her. The girl in the middle is trying too hard. You're not Captain America. Get the fuck

in my face. The little red robin knight on the right, alright, cool. I'm down for all three. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, it looks like trapped in America. This girl looks like a girl that works at a trap house, and she guards the back door. But the girl on the right, Red Rocket or whatever her name is, Sandra, I would date her. And the girl on the left, Scarlett Johansson, I thought that was April from The Turtles. Oh, that's a good point.

She's a dope-ass April. But beautiful. I love them all, and they seem like good women to me. Yeah, I love them all. I don't want to kill any of them. Well, the one in the middle is just more of a drawing, so I'd like to see an actual picture of the woman enjoying herself. You get the idea, though.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. She did have those dope-ass Thanos rings on when she came to the premiere. She was looking pretty tasty for a superhero. I didn't see that, so I'll admit that. I'm in a bad mood. It'd give you a boner. Would it?

Yeah. The one on the right is dressed very much like a vampire, and I like that. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, it doesn't make sense, does it? The rest of them are superheroes, and she's kind of more of an interview with a vampire. Yeah. A little more of a fucking Blade vibe, right? A little dark.

Yeah, it's a little dark. She can get this Blade, though. What do you think, Derek? I'm tired of hearing Brendan. I'm tired of fucking hearing Theo try to stumble through this episode. What do you got? You're from New York. Did you hit the train?

What happened? I don't know what happened, man. I'll Scarlett Johansson all day, dude. All day, dude. Black Widow. Scar Jojo. She can be where the fuck she wants. She'd be fucking Pumpkin Jack from Nightmare Before Christmas.

If she's a Black Widow, dude, she's definitely in white face today. I'd love to see her actually show up. This is probably a role that Will Smith is doing now. You know, they got him playing a blue guy in 1600. He does everything, dude. But is it real, though? Is it believable? Him as a blue guy?

Yeah. Because I believe Robin Williams. You did? Oh, yeah. That's a good point. And maybe he'll do fine. I haven't seen it. Is it out yet?

Let's not hate on it yet. That's true. Let's give it a shot. Don't hate on the man. You're right, man. I'm just in a bad mood. One thing we're not. Is it out yet? Yeah, let's not hate on it yet. That's true. Let's give it a shot. Don't hate on the man. You're right, man. I'm just in a bad mood. One thing, we're not haters. Yeah, that's true.

You think maybe if you got a little blood flow in your lower region, cheer you up? You want to show your pic some porn or something? Oh, I jerk off last night. Dude, that explains why you're in a bad mood, dude. You busted the mojo. I'm just tired, man. I just wish that I had just a nice pool or something, a nice... Dude, I got a pool at the crib. Come over after. Swim around. I'm not tired, man. I just wish that I had just a nice pool or something. Dude, I got a pool at the crib.

Come over after. Swim around. I'm not coming out there. You got to wear a hairnet, but swim around. Yeah, dude. Swim around. You'll leave your shirt on around my kid and a hairnet, but swim around. Do they have a lifeguard out there or no? You're looking at them.

Really? No way. I'm a lifeguard, bro. If you hire a lifeguard, I'll come. I'm not coming out there if it's just you by the pool. My kid will save you. What if you get an idea or something and just can't even focus for like 30 minutes? Dude, sometimes I cannonball and just hang out at the bottom of the pool.

I can see that, dude. That's that CT flare-up, dude. You ever notice that paramedics fucking rescue you every time? I thought they were just friends giving them out the mouth. Yeah. No, dude. This has really gone astray. Derek, say something.

Get us out of here. Of course, guys. I got you. Debate Club. How about that? Yes. Wrap it up. The first one is from Trey from Pittsburgh.

Trey Way. Pittsburgh, dude. The Monongahela boy. Uh-oh. Got them stewy eyes. That confluence. What's up, Theo? Gang, gang.

Buzz, buzz. Uh-oh. Schindler Park. How are you guys doing? Are they in a boat? We're out here in Boston, gang. Buzz, buzz. Uh-oh, Shanley Park. How are you guys doing? Are they in a boat? We're out here in Boston, Massachusetts. My name is Justin. This is my bro, Steven.

We're just wondering. We're going to have a little debate ourselves. Tupac or Biggie? Let us know what you think. My intentions are to ride, ride, ride. My ambitions are to ride, ride, ride. You know any Biggie songs, dude? From a loose, cinnamon-a-mine-a-loose.

Old fat little Kim going to prison. That's all you got? It was all a dream. Come on, dude. It was all a dream. Used to read Word Up magazine. Salt-N-P and pepper on my... On my peen.

Okay, we don't know the songs, do we? But you know what? They're both dead. Notorious. Notorious. Notorious. They're both dead. So, listen, dude.

Tupac in a fucking heartbeat, bro. Really? Tupac. Three- heartbeat bro really tupac three pock four pock five pock dylan dylan dylan dylan yeah dude um derrick let's go to derrick first on this feel like he's more educated than you on rap let's get let's go to the yeah let's get some people let's go to culture corner let's go to the culture corner Let's go to Culture Corner. The Culture Corner with Derek and Kat. Culture Corner with Derek and Kat. I'm going to say Biggie all day because smoothness. You know what I mean?

Tupac always sounded like he was going to fight you. You know what I mean? I just didn't like that. He always sounded aggressive. You also know Tupac went to Juilliard, so it's kind of like, slow your gangster down. Yeah. Did he really? Oh, yeah.

Kat? I like Tupac. Biggie is better lyrically, but I grew up with Tupac, so. Didn't we all? Didn't we all? Plus Theater Kid. The what? Tupac. Biggie is better lyrically, but I grew up with Tupac, so. Didn't we all? Plus Theater Kid. The what? Tupac's a theater kid. He's a straight theater kid.

Yeah. That had a tattoo of thug life on his tummy. So not very thuggy. Yeah. What was the biggest thug you ever played? He was in Othello, wasn't he? Yeah, he was, dude. He was.

He's also in Peter Pan. Yeah. So not very gangster. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. If I have to pick, I was, dude. He was. He's also on Peter Pan. Yeah. So not very gangster, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. If I have to pick, I don't know. You know what ruins it for Biggie for me was fucking P. Diddy. Just get off his nuts for a little bit, dude. Make me not like it.

He was a nut rider, dude. That's all he did. Oh, open the videos when there's all this talent. Yeah. I'm the P. Diddy of comedy. I'm just like, you're Biggie. I'm just all up in it. I have no business being here, but I'm in the jumpsuit all up in. Yeah. I'm the P. Diddy of comedy. Like, I'm just like, you're big. I'm just all up in it. I have no business being here, but I'm like in the jumpsuit all up in your video.

You are. That's a good call, dude. Yeah, but P. Diddy, you're right, man. Who knows? I don't know how. I mean, P. Diddy seemed like the dark arts a little bit. He's almost like that, like, the person, like, you kind of wonder what he's up to, how he even managed his way through it all.

And he's the only one that lives. Zero dance moves. He has the whitest fucking dance moves ever. It always looked like he kind of dropped something and then. Remember him and Mace? Huh? Remember him and Mace? How did those two navigate their lives?

Like, remember the rap video where they're both in fucking shimmery fucking Velcro suits? Oh, yeah. And it's so. You remember that video? Oh, yeah. Which one is it? It was so epic. But you're watching like, how And it's, you remember that video? Oh, yeah. Which one is it? It was so epic. But you're watching, like, how did these two get a fucking music video?

They're, like, bumping into each other. Both have fucking CTE. They're doing the fucking Harlem Shake. Yeah. Remember that? Oh, yeah. Dude, so. But now, but then he must be the best businessman.

He's just a champion. He's a champion businessman, or the people he works with are. And also, man, I hear he, you know, he, I don't know, man. He's got to be, there the people he works with are. And also, man, I hear he partied. I don't know, man. There must be something really amazing about him. I was at a gym one time in Hollywood, and they kicked everybody out because he came in with his crew. No way. And what'd you do?

You hid under the water fountain? No, I refused to leave. Nice. And they let me stay. But then they eyeballed me for the rest of the time. Dude, that's crazy, though. And then I got them towels. That's crazy. I got them towels.

What is it, 1870, dude? That sounds like the most racial thing ever. Yeah, they kept calling me white boy, and I got them towels. You got them towels? Mm-hmm. And then I drove them around for the rest of the day. Dude, when I used to go to Louisiana State, they had, you know, this one, Silk the Shocker and Sea Murder.

We'd come and play hoops and masterpiece. Dude, and Sea Murder. Oh, dude. Would come and play hoops in Master P. Dude, Mystical. Oh, dude. Mystical. You keep bumping me against the wall. Dude, I fucking saw Mystical doing coke at a car wash once. Of course you did. That's what those boys did, dude.

Praise the Lord, brother. We ain't been bouncing back. The Hot Boys. Oh, dude. The Hot Boys? But here's the thing. Master P would show up, right? This is when he was trying to get on the Charlotte Hornets, right?

Which never happened, but he got sure, bro. Bro, so he would show up. Silk the Shocker was there. C-Murder was there. They were all playing hoops. They would play at the rec center. And they had these dudes that were dressed up like in all these gold chains and everything who would stand on the side with their arms straight out and hold their towel and their

extra shoes and clothes in their arms like this, man. Dude, remember Silk the Shocker had that big ass hit. What was his hit? Silk the Shocker had the biggest hit, man. I remember I was in Florida. See, Murder killed a couple guys. And then they let him out of jail. And he's like, oh, I know what I'll do.

Kill someone else. And they put him back in. They put him back in. Oh, thanks. Let me out. Free mystical, bro. Free mystical, dude. Is he still in prison? He went back. He got, thanks. Let me out. Free Mystical, bro. Free Mystical, dude. Is he still in prison?

He went back. He got out and made a hit song and went right back. Silk the Shocker had that, oh, it ain't my fault. And I'll do that. It ain't my fault. And I'll do that. What was Mystical's big ass hit, though? Mystical had a bunch of hits, dude.

Oh, Mystical and Silk. I ain't like I am. Long, long, long evening. Nobody coming in. The Hot Boys, huh? Y'all ain't ready yet. I don't know what you're talking about. What were his hits, man?

Oh, he got the rape charge in Louisiana. Shake your ass. Shake your ass. Show me what you're working with. Watch yourself. Shake your ass. Watch yourself. Here I go. Here I still. Here I go.

Here I go. Here I go. Oh, that's right. That's about it. Yep, there's two of them. That's cool. Yeah, man, that's it, though. All right, gang, bro.

He's in prison now for rape, so, you know. You still made the hits, though. Yeah, no rape, buddy. You don't do that kind of stuff. You got to tighten up, Mystical. Yeah, not so hot anymore, are you, boys? Yeah. 53% of people said Tupac.

Gang. Now, who died earlier? Who died first? Tupac died first. Tupac died, and then Biggie died. So that's interesting. Tupac died in Las Vegas. Biggie died here.

Wow. Everyone thinks the C-I motherfucking A was in on it. What's the consensus in the cultural community, guys? You guys are Vietnamese and, you know. I think it just depends on what city you're in. And Derek. If you're anywhere in the middle of the country this way, people are going to say Tupac. Middle of the country that way, I think.

Ah, so you think it gets regional. I think it's regional. Here's the other thing, though, is P. Diddy's still alive and won't shut the fuck up about Biggie, so it's always in our face. Ain't no one really repping Tupac these days. Yeah, huh?

Suge Knight's fucked. He ran over three guys. At a car wash. Just sewing him a Slurpee, so he killed all three of them. I thought no one would notice in 2018. We all watched this, dude. Thank God we still got Yellow Wolf.

Boy, you feel me? Trump music, volume three out now. Let watched this, dude. Thank God we still got Yellow Wolf. Boy, you feel me? Trump music, volume three out now. Let's roll, bro. Let's get out of this episode. Get me out of this episode, dude. Yeah, get me away from Theo, dude. Up next is a... Did I do that? It ain't my fault. Did I do that? You keep bumping

me against the wall. This is a... Oh, that's Little John. Oh, dude, that's Little John who's basically pretty much P. Diddy's long-haired brother. To the window. To the wall. To the wall. That's a dirty song. I don't watch.

I don't listen to all that junk. Skeet, skeet, skeet. From the window to the wall. You're disgusting, dude. All my bitches crawl. All right, what do you got? Nick Springer. This is from Nick.

What up, Theo? I'm Brendan. This is from Nick. What up, Theo? I'm Brendan. This is Nick. Coming to you from Sacramento. This is Sophie. Sactown. Don't fucking touch me. I got a play for you guys.

The breakfast variety. You go with Cap'n Crunch or Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Oh, no, you didn't, bro. Let me know your thoughts. Gang, gang. Buzz, buzz. This is a good one. Now you got my blood flowing, bro.

Now I'm up in Adam. Holla! Thank you, Sophie and her man for chiming in. Hit it, Brendan. What do you think? I'm a Captain Crunch all motherfucking day. I love, not the berries. Hate the berries.

Just the crunch, dude. God, I haven't had them in a hot second. Here's the problem with Captain Crunch. Gonna stick in your teeth for about three to four days. Yeah. And it fucks up your gums, too, and teeth. It's like meth, but it's delicious. Yeah, it's basically little meth nuggets.

It's basically trapped in Crunch because it gets trapped all up in you. And it'll eat your teeth out. Jesus Christ. Wrap one of your molars into nine Captain Crunch chunks. Then your fucking tooth will be gone. Two days later, zero tooth. Dude, it's very, very dangerous. And the captain, where's he from? Captain of what, dude?

You know what I'm saying? Dressed up like one of Michael Jackson's little fucking dick nuggets. Dressed up like a Muppet. Remember him? Remember that captain? Oh, yeah. That's weird, dude. All aboard what? Diabetes, bro? That dude's bringing in some straight bullshit. All aboard cavities.abetes, bro? That dude's bringing in some straight bullshit. All aboard cavities. Yeah, Captain Crunch is a

dark artist working for the dentist, and you know that. And so you gotta know that going into it. Now, what is the other one? Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Remember the fat chef that was fucking hustling, Captain? Yeah, remember? Now it's what? It's the Keebler Elves or something

are in it? Or is it Dracula? Is it the Rice Krispies? No, it's the Rice Krispies. Guys, they're doing now. Did they switch it up? Cinnamon Toast Crunch, right? I thought they couldn't do cartoons with sugary cereals anymore. Can you look up, Derek, Cinnamon Toast Crunch and just see what comes up for their advertising?

Is it the elves? I thought it was a fat ass chef. Do you know, Kat? Who knows kids' cereals? You know they don't have Toucan Sam anymore. Remember that dumb ass bird always pitching them fucking shit fruit loops? Beautiful animal. Beautiful animal.

Shit personality. Well, animals are out of work. If you click on the boxes, does it say anything? No, they're gone, dude. They can't advertise it anymore. Wow. It's Towelie. Yeah, it used to be The Chef, remember?

Yeah. Now it's just eyes on the crunch. Yeah, I heard they can't do cartoon characters on cereal box anymore because the kids are so drawn to it and it's terrible for you. Sugar is, dude, I went two weeks, it's good. I went two weeks off of sugar, dude, and everything started tasting sweet. I'm like, dude, there's sugar in everything, bro. You know, some perfume and cologne has sugar in it.

Yeah, I spray it in my mouth. I get sweet teeth. Really? People say sweet tooth. I got a sweet fucking mouth. Really? I'm addicted to sugar since I was a kid. Oh, you seem like a sweet little bitch.

What I'm saying is this, brother. All day, I would go with... You know what? I'll be honest with you. I go with Captain Crunch because it's a little less sugary, and I go with the low-sugar variety, bro, especially as an adult. I'm a grown adult. I'm a grown adult.

You know, I'm legally an adult. You look like the guy that eat Raisin Bran. Fuck that, dude. I have had Raisin Bran, dude, and I've also had Cracklin' Oat Bran, which is very expensive. You remember, was it wheat? No, shredded wheat. No, I'm going to fucking trump you. Dude, rare shredded wheat, when it came in just the one big one, you had to chop that shit

up because you were going to shit your pants. Oh, dude, you hit a splitter with your sister. That fiber hitter? Bro. That brick fiber hitter? The first time I had so much fiber, dude, they had like everything came out of my body. Everything. Urine, tears.

Dude, I pissed a whole cry into the toilet. Everything expelled from my body. What were you going to hit me with? I'm going to hit you with... Sugar smacks? No. With the frog? No one's heard of that.

You fucking... Sugar smacks? That's a pedophile that got you. Dude, it was a gold bag. You'd open up, it was a gold... Am I going crazy right now? I don't know. I've never heard of sugar smacks.

Sugar smacks with the frog. Oh, yeah. Have you heard of it or not, Derek? Love them. And you open up, it's like a fucking aluminum bag. Derek, it looks like that frog a little. That's right, Derek. What were you going to hit or not, Derek? Love them. And you open up, it's like a fucking aluminum bag. Derek, it looks like that frog a little. Come on, Derek. What were you going to hit me with, though?

I'm going to hit you with, what was the one with the squirrel and the raisin nugget clusters? Not Honey Bunch's boat. What was it? Anybody? Raisin clusters? Look at that sugar smack squirrel. Let's look at him. No, it's a frog, bro.

Ooh, honey stacks. Oh, it doesn't look like Derek. Maybe because they both have the hat on. They look kind of... They laugh the same. A little bit, they laugh the same. Yeah, they have the same tongue. And Honey Smacks looks like something Derek would say or have written on his tombstone if he ever died. Yeah. It looks like

his nickname's Honey Smacks. Derek Honey Smacks. Oh, you know Honey Snacks, baby. Honey Smacks, bro. Derek Honey Smacks. Come on. You know where know Honey Snacks, baby. Honey Smacks, bro. Derek Honey Smacks. Come on. You know where he's at. It looks like a nickname his mom calls him sometimes.

Little Honey Smacks. Oh, and his mom, she wants kisses from him. Give me some Honey Smacks, Derek. Come on, Honey Smacks. Come on, baby. Hey, I got one for you. And you look like the mascot for it. Remember Fruity Pebbles, bro?

Yeah. Fuck, those were good. God, they were fucking good, man. God damn. You know what pisses me off? They're so good, dude. Dude, I would eat all of the green ones and try and decide if they actually tasted lime or not. And they did, didn't they?

No, they didn't. Who knows? Really? I felt like the limes tasted different. They all tasted like sugar. Wow. Oh, I'll hit your dumb ass with this. You ever had the Lucky Charms?

And what they do They'll put a salt and straw Off of fucking Abbot Kinney They take ice cream And they make just the marshmallows Out of it Wow What are we doing?

That's living, brother Is it living, dude? You sound like an addict I'll put up my dick hole It's so good Ugh Ugh, guy What cereal are you gonna hit me with?

You're vulgar You know what cereal You were like, dude I'm gonna trump And you went Oh, the squirrel with the nut clusters? Yeah, that's it. The fuck, bro?

Raisin nut clusters. Will you look it up? There's no clusters, bro. I know my cereals. You're talking about Honey Bunches of Oats? No, I'm not. You're talking, oh, remember Honey Nut Cheerios? Honey Bunches of Oats.

With that stupid B? No. Buzz, buzz, baby. That's it. Honey Nut Clusters. Honey Nut Clusters, dude. Wow. You got me there.

Remember the fucking squirrel in the commercial would come out and he'd always be like looking for something to do or whatever? No, I don't. Whatever, dude. That must have been Louisiana TV. We don't even know each other. Dude, you remember the fucking cookie crisp? Yes.

Dude. With the burglar. My dad would give me those. Dad, don't give me fucking 70 cookies with milk before school, bro. There's a reason why I'm addicted to sugar now. Every morning, he gave me fucking those. Cookie crisps. Dude, your father gave you life. He'll give you whatever he wants,

damn it. Or you'll fucking face the sword. Well, now I have an IV of fucking honey in my veins all the goddamn time. You'll face the sword, you little twink. God, you do all the cereals and the best you came up with is fucking honey nut clusters. I'll send you to live on the Iron Islands out there with the Grey. God, you do all the cereals and the best you came up with is fucking honey nut clusters. I'll send you to live on the Iron Islands out there with the Greyjoys, you little fucking Muppet. Why don't you go touch your sister's tits on a horseback, you creep?

You have to, bro. Get me out of this episode, dude. Dude, get me the fuck out of here. Dude, educate yourself on cereal, too, dude. Cereal? I'm an adult who's trying to live their life. Dude, I'm not sitting there going to go to the science wing of the library and look up cereal. 59% said Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and that's it, boys.

69% of who? Pedophiles, dude? Who gives a shit? Kids voting? They don't know shit, bro. Dude, we should call this the angry episode. Stay away from this. Thanks for the buzzer, too. Yeah, whoever. What's the angry episode. Stay away from this. Thanks for the buzzer, too.

Yeah, whoever. What's the dude's name who made it? Matty Mac. Yo, he's a rapper, too. Shout out to Matty Mac, dude. This thing's dope. Keep dropping them fresh-ass lines and keep up the good fight, bro. Yeah, yeah.

Whatever Brennan said, dude. Get me out of here. See you guys. Love you. Yeah, it's like that British TV show. Get me the fuck out of this woods. I'm going Love you. Yeah, it's like that British TV show, Get Me the Fuck Out of This Woods. I'm going to be in Cleveland, though. You are?

Yeah. Oh, actually. End of the month, bro. I'm in Cleveland. Really? Yeah, Cleveland. Hilarities. I'm very end of the month to June 1st.

Get your fucking tickets. I'm not even telling anybody. Dude, get me out of here. Get me out of here. You get out of here. Get out of here. Get out of here. Get out.