The Golden Hour - Episode 23: Dallas Returner's Club

Episode Date: June 13, 2019

The boys talk bust bulbs, jackhammer twerks, The CTE Championships, Raver girls vs Country girls, brand new Wed, Bed or Dead's, oversized dong probs, Brown Walkers, Brendan being 80% Mex and playing cupid for Theo and much more!Postmates - promo code: KATS2019Shipstation - promo code: KATSRing - http://ring.com/KATSIndochino - promo code: KATSLearn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

back off my broccolini get your life together it is don't touch me bro i'm not touching you all right you guys ready to rock awesome dude yeah chin is in a furious mood today you should be a mountain you should be one of those volcanoes in uh in hawai. I know. What is wrong with that? Mount Yagamashi? Mount what? You ever heard of Mount Yoshi? No. Yeah, Yoroshi. Mount Korea Angry.

That's what I think. I'm not angry. Chin gets mad when he has to run the ship. No, because I'm doing literally. Derek's gone again. Never mind. Nick's here? No, Nick's here, but Derek's gone.

He's on vacation. Also, Derek, you missed four shows in a row, bro. Yeah, dude. Anywhere else, you're fired. Bro, how black you trying to get, Derek, huh? How black you trying to get, Derek? Bro, anywhere else, you're fired. But here's the thing.

He used always the most predominant black excuse. He used family reunion. Yeah, I was like, okay. Four weeks in a row and i had to say the only families that have family unions that long are black people and indian people that's correct if you do an indian family reunion two years it'll be at your local park you'll go there and you're like what is still there everyone's older they're growing crops and stuff you're like what is they're like oh yeah it's family reunion oh're like, oh, yeah, it's family reunion.

Oh, there's Rastafari now. That's cool. Yeah, Derek said he's out. There's a bed with me. I was in Rastafari one time, and there was a guy was trying to get us to gamble, because they try to get you to gamble illegally. Yeah, they're trying to take your money somehow, some way. Oh, somehow, some type of thing. And so this guy, all he would say all weekend was,

play us a bet with me, man. Every time he walked by? Play us a bet with me. And he didn't even have like a bookie or anything. He might have just had autism, you know? He's just on the spectrum. Oh, but if you have the spectrum down in Rastafaria, then you just try to get people to gamble or like the things you say are like, hey, double down, you know? He's just on the spectrum. Oh, but if you have the spectrum down in Rastafaria, then you just try to get people to gamble,

or the things you say are like, hey, double down, you know? Double down. So anyway, this guy ended up like it. Where his dice just two rocks. Bro, this guy died, actually. He fell off of a, I don't want to say like a. Segway? No, not an embankment, like a cliff kind of.

It was more of a cliff. It was a beautiful tropical beach. But on the way down, dude, no joke, he's like, Blazer man with me. Double down, man. Like, damn. House always wins, man. Always bet on red, man, man, man.

Like, dude, you got this guy gambling with his own life. And he lost. Dude, you got to set me up, bro, with that little spice trader, huh? That little cage vixen. Yeah, man. I have her number. Should we send her a picture? Do you?

Yeah. The little rescue animal, yeah. Yeah, you want me to send a picture? You're talking about the young and beautiful, very talented Brittany Palmer. I saw this lady, right? So I remember I was at the Poirier-Max Holloway fight where Poirier defeated all odds and defeated Max Holloway. Oh, where you were basically Dustin Poirier's ring card girl.

What are you talking about? Oh, my God! Okay, I've never done that. So she probably saw you there and was like, who's coming for my job who the fuck is this who's this bitch with a mullet coming for my job i brought my own cards you know i had extra rounds but i was ready for them to go 13 14 over time and that's when you trump the girls they're like oh my card only goes to 12 you only got five no bitch six seven eight

i had six seven eight nineteen i had up 19 seven, eight, 19 I had up to. 19 rounds. Oh, and I was texting a guy to bring in other cars. But you saw the young wonderful. Well, this girl kept walking around the cage, right? And I thought she was lost. And I'm like, oh, this chick's lost. You know, can't find her seat.

You thought she needed help being a good dude. Yeah, I'm trying to be a nice guy. And then, I mean, you know, I was like every guy at a strip club. I felt like, you know, she just kept looking at a strip club she I felt like you know she just kept looking at me or we kept connection oh I thought there was a connection now it also could have been that I was being a stalker you know because a lot of guys will misplace a connection for them being a stalker do you think it's because you're the only guy in the front row with a mullet and yelling it's not a mullet first of all it's a long haircut and a lot of

in a lot of places in the world which you're not familiar with you think america you think you just you know the world ends at the you know at america how at america and don't make you make a sound chin yeah chin so anyway but so you you felt maybe there's a little sparks were flying cheese was a roasting yeah and you think maybe should we send our picture right now yeah Yeah, throw another cheese stick on the barbie. You want me to say you want to be like, I'm going to send it. Yeah, I'm going to say, you trying to get that dick? No, don't say anything like that, dude.

How aggressive should I go? Should I just send it and go, yo, my boy. Yeah, my friend thought you seemed like a nice person. He saw you lost at the UFC fight. Oh, yeah, I'll say my friend thought you were lost at the last UFC fight. Because you kept walking around the ring. Yeah, because you kept walking around. Great guy.

Yeah, or just say. Do you want to go get fondue? Oh, say my friend was born in March. Say that. Be, like, elusive. Yeah, I'm going to just be random. Say, hey, you into turtles? No, you're an idiot, man.

You don't like that? No. Yo, you like. No. Yo, you like orange chicken? No. Look, a chin made another sound. What sound don't make a bunch of sounds chin say what you want to say all right what what picture all right just give me something yeah

okay you look cool well that's up to you oh see i like that one what is that one surprised that one's like hey that was too much okay let me do this give me something no not thinking because you're not fooling anybody um do you this, like talking about sports with a buddy. No, act like I just said something real funny. Like laugh. Like, oh, no, real funny. I'll act like you just said lot lizard again. Yeah, please.

Oh, see, that's good. That's good. Now, see that one? See that one I like. That one's like, oh, he's like. No, no, no, no. Oh, that one you look crazy. That's cool, though. All right, give me one more. Like, I'm busy. Like, I'll be like like, oh, that one you look crazy. That's cool, though.

All right, give me one more. Like, I'm busy. Like, I'll be like this. I'm in a meeting. I'm going to say, hey, he's in a rush, but he's into it. See, I like that one. Let me see that one. Something looks like it's wrong with my arm.

Let me put my arms behind my back so you can't see. My arms are kind of. All right, try one more. Maybe try and flatten out your nose. See, I like that one. Chin. Oh, people with flat noses laughing at people with flat noses, I see. Call him the kettle black.

No, call him the cooking pan flat. That's what you're doing. Call him the orange chicken sweet. It's fine, bro. I'm Korean at heart, bro. Yeah, me too. And at septum. Let's go.

And do one like you're in a strip club and she's the only girl in the world. Well, no, that's like homeschool didn't work out. Give me another look. See, you look friendly there. Let me see. See, if I send that, that's it, bro. You're fucking worse. My stomach's poking out.

Here, get me like this like I'm doing business, you idiot. Okay. Okay, do it like you're making a big business deal. Yeah, like a big deal, you idiot. okay do it do it like you're making a big business deal yeah like you like you'd like a big deal you idiot just do it like i'm a fucking active person all right do it like do it like you got a lot of like you got to rush out of the office well there you look stressed no one wants to hang out so much oh dude what is this that's a hello it's hello in a lot of countries do do one like uh like i wasn't meant to set you up and I caught you. One more. One more.

One more. No, I'm thinking you're not the person that should be setting me up with her. Hey. Hey, hey. I'll do that for you. You know what I'm talking about. Are you ready? Did you just wink or was that a CTE flare up?

Okay. I'll do that for you. One more. All right. See, I like that. All right. I'm going to send it to her right now. And I'm going to say.

My God, I say. No, Jesus. No, that one's great, dude. No, dude. Do not send that, dude. I look like I have fucking asthma and I won't admit it. Dude, this one's the best. This one looks like spring break.

Come on, this is boring for the listeners, man. No, that guy looks like uh-uh. Dude, that's how you look. I try my best. Yeah, maybe it's just how I look. Try my uh-uh. Dude, that's how you look. I try my best. Yeah, maybe it's just how I look. Try my best, dude. Yeah, let's try one more. I'm going to back up a little bit in the chair.

God, man. Again, I wish I had a friend like me. I wish I had a friend like me. Let me do this. I can't agree with the deal. Like, oh, I'm out of here. Oh, what are we doing? There we go.

What's up? Okay, there you go. Dude, see, that's money. I'm going to send that and go. Okay, say this goofball. No, I'm going to say this goofball. But is she a nice girl or not? 200 bucks?

No, no, dude. And then put two roses behind it like it's Backpage. 200 bucks, rose, rose, evil emoji. Eggplant. Wow. Dude, I will be a million- faces now make a face dude make a sound then if you're gonna make a face make a sound because the only thing after a face is a sound i love you deal dude you know wow i tried setting chin up man exhausting exhausting elbows too

pointy he's like the the fucking reddit form very picky. Elbows too pony. Yeah. Two ears. Oh, man. She has too many teeth. Yeah. Oh, I don't like her trachea. Oh, nose is too flat for my liking. Whoa. Oh, she's too old.

It's like, dude, she's 11. Dude, I don't like her almond-shaped eyes. Like, bro, those are eyes. Dude, you mean eyeballs? But, bro, is that girl- She's breathing. Is she a cool girl, that girl, or not? Yeah, she's really dope.

Smart girl. Very, very creative, too. Yeah, because at first I was like. She could do a painting of you as a giant rat with a fucking piece of cheese. We should get a painting for each one of us back here of being a rat. Oh, we could do that. Brittany, we're going to hit you up. You know, it would be interesting if maybe each month and we changed it out each month.

Have a new artist every month. Do a rat and a wasp. That's not a bad idea. No artists, hit us up. That could be cool. And then maybe we could auction them off for charity at the end of each month. That's not a bad idea. Dude, you're a-looking, you're a-liking.

Dude, you're just. Paint by number. Whoa, wait, that might not be the girl, actually, that I saw. That's her. That's Brittany. No, she seems like a wonderful girl. Oh, no, this isn't her. Damn.

I don't think. Can we see other pictures of her? What? This is her, man. She's great. I'm not saying this girl isn't great. Oh, you want to look at another one? I don't know if it's the same girl.

Type in UFC ring card girls. You talking about Vanessa, maybe? Vanessa Hudgens? No, no. Her name is something like that. Who is this? Are you talking about Ariane Celeste?

I don't know. I just remember there was a couple girls. You need to step your UFC game up. You're annoying me how into the UFC you are these days. I'm annoying you? You're just trying to get in with the UFC world. You're trying to marry a ring card girl. You're trying to be Dana White's... No, I don't like Dana world. You're trying to marry a ring card girl. You're trying to be Dana White's. No, I don't like Dana White.

You're trying to be his little brother. No, I would never be his little brother, dude. Which one? His little brother is a marshmallow, dude. If you had a fucking marshmallow that was filled with that evil center, if you cracked it open and it had evil pudding in there. An evil egg? Oh, dude.

Bro, if you hit that guy with an axe, evil pudding all over your shoes. All over your shoes. Oh, that's her right there. Second one from the right. Her? That's Bernie. God damn it, dude. That's her.

Well, it's just different lighting and different pictures. Hey, I'll do that for you. Don't do anything. Again, again, everyone knows the rules around King of Sting. If you want to get to the trap, you got to go through the honey. Yeah, that's a good point. You got to get through the honey wall. Oh, it's like a charcuterie plate, bro.

What's up? Yeah. You got to get to the cheese. Yeah, if you want to go through the cheese, you got to stop by that little dab of honey on the corner of the plate. Get that sweet center. Yeah. Got to fill my cup up, that sweet cup of nectar.

That's her. She seemed like a nice girl. Very smart girl. Most ring card girls are. That's the thing. She was walking around. I'm like, oh, she's lost, man. These girls are lost, you know?

But you were probably seeing her walk. You're like, she's walking different than the other. She might have, there might be something here that I'm looking to explore. Well, she was walking like she had at least at some time in her life carried a book bag on her back, you know? Yeah. Like she was smart. Hey, I'll be your million dollar matchmaker. You will?

Yeah. Dude, have you seen Million Dollar Baby? No. You haven't seen million oh is that where hillary swank gets beat up yeah yeah she gets defeated by the stool you think she what if you did hillary swank versus uh henry sahudo that guy that won the other night oh henry sahudo yeah is it henry or henry henry uh i don't know dude hillary swank is pretty big hillary swank's tall so you'd have more reach on them.

Dude, you're talking about going to Dubai. Yeah. I am going. You're going to go for sure and go see Poirier? Well, I have to get a ticket. Well, we can figure out how to get you a ticket. I can get you a ticket. That's easy. Can you?

Yes. But you want to go to Dubai. Well, here's the thing. Is it Dubai or Abu Dhabi? It's Abu Dhabi, first of all. Brennan thinks anywhere outside of America is Dubai. He's like, yeah, I'm going to Dubai, England, he told me the other day. You're out of your mind, bro.

He's like, I'm going to Hawaii, Dubai. I'm like, where? Hawaii and Dubai. You just want to go out there to support your boy. Yeah, I want to go see the fight. It's like, this is his time. This is his deal. It's the championship.

I think it would be fun to go. You know, I just don't want to get beat up. They can have a bunch of slims out there, you know, Muslim. Yeah. And I love them, dude. Dude, just disguise yourself. I thought about that. Go ask one of the girls in the ninja outfits.

Ooh. Yeah, they'll have no idea. Yeah, I could go to Bed Bath & Beyond and get a whole section for, like section for like middle like uh islamic female wear do they yeah just wear that upstairs in the corner oh they have no idea dude yeah it's like safe and then just don't cheer too loud for dustin yeah they have no idea i'm like yeah just make a sound everything like chin i'll be the chin cheer the chin cheer. Chin cheer. I don't make those sounds.

You'll have fun over there, dude. But, yeah, so I'm just worried about I can't wear a disguise. First of all, I got a big nose. So, me, some people can put on glasses and a big nose, and that's the disguise. For me, any time I put on glasses. It's just looks like you're in a disguise. It's like a disguise. It gives you away. People are like, oh, who's that guy at the beach?

And it's like, oh, that's just me, man. Your mullet will give you away. They execute people for having mullets. Dude gives you away. People are like, oh, who's that guy at the beach? And it's like, oh, that's just me, man. Your mullet will give you away. They execute people for having mullets. Dude, hold on. They execute people out there for having long hair. They do?

Well, I don't want to go there. I'm not going that bad where I'm going to get stoned in the street after, you know? Yeah, that's not worth it. How many rounds do they fight? Five.

Oh, wow. 25 minutes, bro. Do you think they'll ever do tag team? No. Done. Yeah. Let's start this show, dude. Do you think they'll ever do tag team? No. Done. Yeah. Let's start this show, dude.

And I'm sorry for saying also, can we beep that? Can we make a note? Sure. You don't want to say the word pussy? Well, let's just say people don't want to hear it. All right. Let's get into it, man. Sorry.

Don't be sorry, dude, but I'll, hey, I'll do it. Will you quit? Again, I wish I had a friend like me. Do not wink at me. Hey, you know what? Dude, it quit? Again, I wish I had a friend like me. Do not wink at me. Hey, you know what? Dude, it just hit me. I'm your genie. Yeah, I'm your big bumblebee genie.

Really? Yeah, and you're Aladdin. You got three more wishes, bro. Really? Yeah. Well, let's see if the first wish even pans out. That's on her. Right.

You're looking for your Jasmine. I'm that thick-ass genie trying to make things happen for you. Yeah. You ain't never had a friend like me. Oh, my God have not dude yeah no all right we got you all right first chin's abu yo can you please do me a favor chin's abu dude and roast so get your little drum abu what's up little monkey with the thing yeah yeah it's a part in crime get your little snappers huh oh what do you thinkppers. Ting, ting, ting, ting, ting, ting. What do you think of this pic? God. Bro, first of all, that is a working actor,

and I'm full-blown lot lizard king there, okay? There it goes. So give $100 to the lot lizard charity, okay? Helping get condoms. Every gas station put in a truck stop comes with condoms. Every time I say lot lizards, all truck stops get fucking five-hour energy shots.

That's free five-hour energy over there at the Union 76 station off the 10 in El Paso. Yeah, dude, truck driver. What of it, man? I look like I should be on the Blue Comedy Tour or some shit. Bro, truck driver? You look like you're driving 200 dudes into your

butt, bro. First of all, you look like you're driving 200 dudes into your butt, bro. First of all, you look like fucking Brendan Beck Mountain, dude. Oh, my God, bro. Bro, you look like Silly Nelson, dude. You look like Dallas Buyers Club. Bro, you look like Barf Brooks. You look like Dallas Returners Club, dude. You look like people getting a rebate, bro. Like, good God.

Brooks and Dunn. That's what it looks like. Brooks and D-O-N-E. Brooks and Dunn, bro. Brooks and Dunn. Fucking Brooks and Dunzo. Where are you? I'm at a bar are you really on set bro on set that's apple juice on what set bloods or crips dude you look like shit okay and i'm sorry

i shouldn't say that man it's kind of mean it's not mean man i think you look nice bro is that a um is that a patagonia button up what is that no it's a sleeveless flannel that they put me in. Sleeveless flannel, bro. Hashtag working actor. Move on, Chin. First segment of the day is debate club. This guy's an acting man. You got to quit it, dude.

You're going to end up married to some man, dude. Some man just trying to pull Tom Cruise. Well, you did the other movie where they said you had a cowboy hat and a gun. That's how they bait you, right? Right. I was a cartel member. Okay. Cartel it what you will, dude.

Then, now, you're just drinking beer by yourself, no sleeves. Oh, you're right. So I'm just saying in the next one. Next thing you know, they're like, dude, Brokeback Mountain 2. Yeah. You're the horse. Yeah. Next thing I know.

You know, you're Mr. Hands of Brokeback Mountain 2. Yeah, dude. And in two years, you're just a puppet. You got some guy's hand up your butt just telling you what to do. Harvey Weinstein. Welcome to Hollywood. All right, first one is Marino Romito. What up, Brandon?

What up, Theo? I got a debate club for you. We're here at Hunter Mountain, New York. Taste the country. We got country girls or rave girls. Let me know what you think. Oh, shit, son. I mean, she's a little stiff with the twerk, but whatever.

She was twerking like it was a fucking jackhammer. That back is tight, son. Oh, yeah. She got that jackhammer booty, man. And let's watch the butt shake again, if you don't mind. Now, it's a little. Country girls or rave girls? Let me know what you think.

She's a little stiffy. A little stiffy. Stiffy. A little stiffy. I'm not mad at it, though. It sounds like you're mad at it, man. I'm not mad at that at all. I'm just saying I'm used to Worldstar hip-hop twerk videos. They're a little looser in the hips.

Yeah. Well, also, this girl seems more fit. Those girls are more fat a lot of times on Worldstar. How dare you? Really? Yeah. Why are they fat, dude? Fat fit.

I call fat fit. Okay, fat asses. Fat asses, fine. Fit bodies. Bro, she has that, I will say this, she has that kind of like that strong female rabbit type of flex. Yeah, it's a quick rabbit hitter back there. Not too loose. I don't know if she's the best salsa dancer. Right, okay, so no salsa, but definitely.

She'll drop that two-step hitter on you, though. Oh, that pico de thio, bro. Two-step. Can we watch that again? Yeah that two-step hitter on you though oh that pico de thio bro two step can we watch that again yeah two step i don't know the rest of the words girls let me know what you think oh yeah you got that jackhammer boy yes that's that stiff old home depot rhythm bro yeah bro that's that sexy that's that home home depot dude but here's the thing uh country girls or rave girls country girls girls all day, bro. All day, dude. Country girls, they'll take care of you.

Those southern bells make you a pie, make some lemonade on the side. Oh, yeah. Nice. Just that honey drip skin. Oh, yeah, dude. That honey drip skin, bro. You sound like a serial killer at a bakery. Dude, get you a Jenny.

Jenny was from the south who's jenny forrest gump raging horror most of her life but then when she decided to be a southern bell she's in recovery the best well she had hiv yeah sad hiv dude i think i know she had aids it doesn't say did she die at the end she died she died jenny died dude remember that was the saddest part of the movie yeah no shit bro I don't watch the end of that movie. I usually stop at about an hour and 55 minutes in. Three-hour movie. So you stop it right when he discovers Apple?

Huh? Yeah, I stop it when the party's going strong. I feel you. I'm not there at the end when he's got the kid and the kid has handicaps and everything. Dude, also, Rave Girls, I'm not trying to be up all goddamn night on cocaine ecstasy, listening to fucking Diplo with seven other dudes, sweating. Yeah, I like girls when the weekend's over, they go back to work or school.

Yeah. Rave girls, a lot of times they, here's the thing, they don't also take care of themselves that much. They don't eat. They got all these necklaces on, and they're dressed up like a a lot of rainbow bright addicts they got a fucking iv drip of monster energy drink right into their veins and shit yeah and they'll have yeah a lot of these rave girls too they're doing unique stuff like you'll see them you know dipping their um

these ponds these tampons into uh you know, MDMA and stuff like that. And vajippin, they call it when you're tripping through your vagina. Vajippin, vajippin, vagina. The other thing is, is they can never just chill. It always has to be like crazy colors. How about a white or black, bitch? It's always like a giant neon, a neon green, a hot pink, a hot purple. Yeah, like somebody beat. somebody Yeah it's always like

Yeah it always feels like They all look like mascots Of the fucking Toronto Raptors Yeah They all look weird All the time Just be normal They get the shoes

With the huge platforms on them Like this big Yeah They look like One of their parents Was a highlighter That's what they look like A lot of times

Yeah it looks like Both their parents Were fucked And were two highlighters You see them in the Yeah you see them you see them usually in the lobby in las vegas and they're all like they're covered it they're they're like i usually have like a bunch of like uh rabbit ears on and they're dressed like half of a koala and uh and then they're also been crying but then they're sweating and they're dehydrated all the time. They're sweating, dehydrated, and have a slight layer of parking lot dust on them.

Yeah. You notice that? Parking lot fairies is what I call them. Yeah, there are a lot of parking lot fairies. Now, with that said, very sexy women, okay? Now, the country girls, you get them out there. They got the boots on. You know, they're a little bit more.

The songs are a little bit more like camaraderie, a little bit more family oriented. You know, you might see a tit, but you might not. Yeah, they might make you wait before you get married. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, the ravers, you'll see two girls out there chewing on each other's tongues until they literally have eaten each other's faces off. And you're like, oh, this is a party. Yeah, ravers be doing so many drugs.

They might just eat your dick off. Oh, yeah. You don't want that, man. And they'll do it at two your dick off. Oh, yeah. You don't want that, man. And they'll do that two in the morning. Oh, yeah. They think the world just runs 24-7. They have no idea. They think everything's open 24 hours a day.

Yeah, and the country girls shut it down because they got to feed their kids in the morning. Yeah, they got to cook and shit, man. Fucking country girls all day. Gang, bro. Boom. 72% of the audience agrees with you. I feel like rave girls is going out of style, too. Now, that's the thing.

Rave Girls is going out of style. If you're still being a Rave Girl, then I respect that you're a late bloomer. I am, too, dude. I still do a lot of things that other people gave up on years ago. I still have pogs. Yeah. What's up? The Rave thing's over, man.

The Rave thing is- Go home. If you're still raving, you're a drug addict, basically. Yeah, you just mean drug addict. That's all ravers are. You mean hang out with your friends doing drugs late into the night playing music? Doesn't work, man.

Oh, I'm in a K-hole. Yeah. We'll climb out of that bitch and put on some Jason Aldean. Let's go, Chin. All right, this is an interesting debate from Kennedy Spaced. What's up, Brandon? What's up, Theo? I've been watching you all day.

And I have a debate club question for you. So as a transgender woman, I was wondering your thoughts on whether or not someone like me has to disclose that information on a first date with a guy. I would love to hear your thoughts. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz. My delicate flower. Oh, that's a good question. You want to jump in first or you want me to?

I think someone should disclose their sexuality on a first date, but I think... You think wait till the first date but i i think you you think wait to the first date because the the and it's not my doing but society especially with dudes this is when a lot of transgender people get beat up it's because a dude might flip the fuck out if he doesn't know ahead of time oh well i've sent like a message to i that i thought was a woman before and said hey how are you or something something. And, um, on social media.

And then two or three messages in, it's like, Oh, this is a, this is a young fellow. And you can tell, cause they're using our, well,

here's the thing. You just go back through their photos and it's a beautiful woman, you know, and it's a beautiful human. And then you keep going back. And then like four years back there, like on the high, you know the boys' high school basketball team. You're like, oh, this is a bizarre.

Like why are they taking pictures of Jeff? Yeah, like who's, yeah, why do they just have their names? I thought your name was Jasmine. Right, so then, yeah, so I think some disclosure. I don't know if you should. I've been honey dick too, though, man. Yeah, I'm being honest here. You don't want to be honest.

Now be honest. I'll be honest. Okay, here we go. I was talking to a young, beautiful lady, and I thought, man, I'm being honest here. You don't want to be honest. Now be honest. I'll be honest. Okay, here we go. I was talking to a young, beautiful lady, and I thought, man, that is a fat ass. You know what I'm saying? Skinny waist. Thanks, you know.

Convo conversation. I get a video jacking off. Someone's jacking off. Went, oh, was that your brother jacking off? But no, it's me. I went, okay, we got dick. Not my thing, but good for you. You know what I'm saying?

But that's the way to be up front is what I'm saying. That's why I'm trying to tell you, Theo. Right. But why would you ask if somebody send you a video of, say, you're hitting on a girl. Yeah. They send you a video of somebody jerking off. Why would your question be, is that your brother? Because I thought it was a girl.

And I thought, that's weird. But even if it is their brother, you don't reply. Like, what do you, hey, is that your brother? Because I thought it was a girl. And I thought, that's weird. But even if it is their brother, you don't reply. Like, what are you, hey, is that your brother? Like, what does that have to do with it? Well, then my detective side comes out. I'm like, what's going on here? Detective side, bro. I watch way too much First 48.

Bro, you should watch the first four, dude. Nobody leaves you can count to 48. I'll say this, man. Your detective side? Encyclopedia Big Brown, he's a detective that never finds out a shit, bro. Never finds anything. He can never crack the case. He's just a detective who gets stuck in traffic

in a fucking purple limousine that he drives himself. Purple limousine. I'll tell you this. I, for one, like the transgender. Please tell me. I like the transgender. I, for one, like the transgender. Please tell me. I like the transgender. I thought Theo was transgender for the longest. Just turns out he's just confused.

He's just confused. He's actually a dude. He's just confused. Two roads diverged in a wood. You know, what can I say, man? I'll say this, man, that first of all, you seem like a beautiful young fellow. You seem like a beautiful young woman. You seem like a beautiful young woman. And now here's the thing.

From a straight male's perspective, here's the thing that makes it tough sometimes with transgender is, A, it's not a new thing that's going on, but it's a new thing that is out in the open. And so for straight men, or for me sometimes, I can't speak for straight men, but for me, it's just hard to know what's protocol. And a lot of times the gay community or trans, LGBTQ, A&M or whatever. RSTFW. Yeah. And quit adding letters. Let's be realistic. Just have one name.

Yeah. Us. So a lot of times they will immediately chastise you if you don't get the right term or something like that. There's no learning curve. So I think the best way to be is just up front. Just say at a certain point, like, if you feel like you are tricking another person. And you know when you are. Yeah, then say, hey, look, I just want you to be, are you aware of this? Now, if they're rude to you after that or they're mean to you. You don't want to be with them anyway. Yeah, call them out blast them out yes show them a video you bench

them 500 pounds yeah but if they're uh but then also it could just be a learning experience you could always meet up with somebody um and and get their vibes some guys that might be afraid to try and meet up with a transgender person they you, they might be trying to reach out to you and just be a little bit scared. Yeah, they might know what's up from the jump. And they might want to meet somebody like that. They know the magic trick already. Yeah, I have some friends a lot of times, and low-key, they like doing sex with transgender people that they meet on the Internet.

Yeah, is your friend named Eddie Murphy? Nope. His name's – Is your friend named Robert Downey Jr.? No. But it's also like... Is your friend's name Brian Callen? Okay, I mean...

Just kidding. So should there be full disclosure? Was that her question, Ken? Yeah, should you let them know right away? I think she should let them know just from a safety aspect. Well, here's the thing. If I showed up in a disguise, right, and I'm not saying that transgender is a disguise.

People are used to a certain way. If I show up at a rodeo dressed up like I'm about to ride the bull and then I get out on there and I'm a painter, people are going to be like, what the fuck, dude? You can't just be dripping Sherwin-Williams on this beautiful animal. We're expecting you to be a bull rider. Right. People can get pissed.

So at a certain point, if you are such a beautiful transgender woman that it's- Tough to tell. That it's so tough to tell, you might want to just drop a few hints. Throw an eggplant at the end of an emoji or drop a couple- For no reason. Yes. I think dropping some hints- You throw the cucumber.

See what he says. Yeah. Nobody's required to do anything, but I think you just need to. From a safety standpoint, you got to say what's up. Yeah, for yourself and for everyone. Just if you know if you're tricking somebody, you know if somebody feels elusive. I know it in a straight on straight thing. Me too.

David Blaine knows it. Yeah. Even David Blaine knows if he's tricking somebody. So I think just play it by ear. There's no protocol, but don't also chastise somebody if they don't know that you're transgender. Because there's no worse trick than pulling a dick out.

Well, but also... After a nice young date. Don't make somebody feel bad if they didn't know. There's two things that go on. It's like people make, you know, people are always accused of making gay people feel unwelcome

and this and that, but at the same time, you can't make somebody feel unwelcome. You can't make somebody feel wrong if they didn't know. If they got surprised by a big dick in their face. Jesus Christ. Well, God damn, dude. We got it, bro.

How much dick do you have to have in a conversation? Well, sometimes it happens. Okay, then edit it out. No, we don't need to edit. I like where you're going with it. But, you know, if they give you a trojan. Did I repeat myself four times? 17 times.

Sorry. Who has CTE here, bro? Huh? Who has CTE? Oh, we should have a CTE off. Oh, we should four times? 17 times. Sorry. Who has CTE here, bro? Huh? Who has CTE? Oh, we should have a CTE off. Oh, we should. You'd definitely win. No, I wouldn't.

You've never been punched in the face ever. Yes, I have, dude. I got attacked by a couple of fucking Dobermans, too, on my birthday. And when I was even younger, a painter next door sicked his dog on me. That works. What else you got, Chin? All right, last one, Joe Piemonte. You guys might recognize this guy or know of him.

Gang, gang, buzz, buzz, drip, drip. It was just the episode three of Game of Thrones. Squirt, squirt, all the above, man. I can't see anything. Yo, I got a debate club for you. That's so Loris. This is Joey. I'm your candle maker guy out here in Colorado holding her down, man.

And that is my question. Beautiful candles. When it comes time to make the vibes, do you like candles or do you burn a little incense? What do you like, man? Keep up the good work, guys. I would like incense better if they had incense that smelled like certain restaurants. I would love to throw on a fucking McDonald's. Throw on a P.F. Chang's.

Oh, yeah. That smells right, man. Oh, dude. You smell P.F. Chang's? Them titties are a-poppin'. Throw on a stinky Uber driver's car titties are a poppin throw on a stinky uber driver's car throw on a stick of that throw on a nice young thai restaurant incense you know what i'm saying what if we came out with our own incense that'd be cool it's not a bad idea that'd be really dope

dude but a little cte incense you know what i'm saying forget where you're at call the cosby forget what you're at and then also at end, it smells like Bill Cosby a little. But dude, that'd be great, huh? That would be good. A little own King and Sting incense. A good will. Smells like certain situations. Yeah, why don't we...

One that smells like a pawn shop. Just old watches and fucking medallions. Yeah, old watches and people getting fucked over for their family heirlooms. Yeah, you could do like a... A pirate ship. Smells old, but a little bit of salt. A little bit of seasoning on it. Dude, that's a great idea.

That's not a bad idea. I wonder how we find that and do that. And I still want to get that semen lava lamp when you're in college. Everybody can jerk off into that thing. I know, you make one giant lava lamp with a whole frat bust in the same bottle.

Yeah, come see our bust. Oh, yeah. Our bust bulb. Come see it. The bust bulbs. How is that not a thing? A bust bulb. Call your fucking brother, dude,

if he quit doing bicep curls and fucking do some shit and actually make some money instead of just stealing shit off his brother like Dane Cook's brother. You know Jay Shob is the next fucking Larry Cook. Is that his brother's name, Larry? Yeah. I can't trust a Larry. his brother like Dane Cook's brother. You know Jay Shaw is the next fucking Larry Cook.

Is that his brother's name, Larry? Yeah. I can't trust a Larry. Come on, Dane. His name's Larry. Of course he stole all your shit. You're trusting a guy named Jay Shaw, bro? Yeah, dude.

Larry? Bro, he's flying around the country doing curls on your dime. Okay. So candles? Yeah. No, fuck no. Incense, bro. I want that Johnny Depp fucking incense.

I want to burn that incense. It smells like fucking bad movies. I want to burn that Nick Nolte incense. It smells like dinosaur bones and like your kid hates you. Yeah. I want to burn that fucking... And like your kid hates you. Yeah.

I want to burn that fucking. Why does every extremely famous celebrity have a son that is a complete fuck up? Because his dad's so fucking famous. I need that. Isn't that crazy though? Everything is just, it's such a teeter-totter, man. Everything has that other side. You don't get too famous. Otherwise, your kid gets really weird.

Like, look at Will Smith's kid. Yeah, look at Will Smith's kid. Transgender. Sonny Bono. Rapper. Maybe. We don't know. famous otherwise your kid gets really weird like look at will smith's kid yeah look at will smith transgender sunny bono maybe we don't know yeah rapper writer i love how every month he's a different thing that is put in a fucking smoothie city it's like okay pick a lane bro yeah it doesn't end though it's nick nolte's child tom hanks's child you know um chas bono well this is that level the other side of it that's the thing everything's even in the world man it's like everything's even but here's the problem though all the all the being a parent all the people you're talking about they were never around for the kids the kids are there to figure out with the nanny and the kids growing up weird yeah the only

time the dad brings you around is that fucking red carpet you're like this is life i'm in this weird fishbowl yeah i love you so much I'll take you to this thing with me now. Yeah, I love you so much. Let me fly you to Dubai. For the premiere of Polar Express. Yeah, for the premiere of Pirates of the Caribbean 19, where your dad puts fucking mascara on and a bandana. I know. And 17 fucking wristbands.

Can you imagine that? It's going to be weird, dude. You're going to grow up fucking weird. It's the weirdest kids out here, man. This fucking place, bro. What else were we talking about? Oh, yeah. But hold on.

Shout out to my boy out there with Hangover Candles. And that's my boy Joey Piedmont over there. Hangover Candles. Colorado's finest, bro. Yep, a good guy. He sent us in some beautiful candles. And Joey, I like the wine bottle ones because it's more easy to get that wick with that lighter. Because I've cooked out both of my thumbs.

Look like I'm trying to cook crack rocks on my knuckles all right well 90 sorry 89 of the fans also prefer candles and going back to the transgender disclosing 92 people say yes please do that you gotta give them a heads up yeah it'll help you guys ready for a flaunt my aunt yeah yes all right first aunt she likes korean barbecue wears bikinis around the house Her name is Aunt Selena What's some facts on this then? She likes Korean barbecue Obviously wears bikinis

Chin what are some facts? Let's go to Chin for the facts These ladies Korean Is she Korean? No no Selena's not a Korean That's pretty much it So she likes Korean barbecue

Wears bikinis around the house And this was submitted by Steven Korean Steven? He might be So she likes Korean barbecue, wears bikinis around the house, and this was submitted by Stephen. Korean Stephen? He might be. She's inked up, too. Wearing bikinis around the house is always strange.

Well, first of all, she has a tattoo of the kid from the Adams family on her hip. Can you zoom in on that guy? Fester Adams, whatever that is. But very beautiful. I love the latticework behind her. You can see water back behind her if you notice that is there water back there oh no um maybe she's in the midwest they do have a flooding problem right now so maybe that's what's going on here what she's in bikini selena in the midwest first of all hopefully that's not her uh the person who runs her fan club, that little boy with her, because that person

will kill her. Have you seen Selena? Oh, you're right. The manager shot her for no reason at all. Yeah, dude, you're the worst Mexican I've ever met. You're right. First of all, shout out to all of our Mexican friends. Welcome to America. And yeah, Selena

very sad. Very, very sad. Very, very sad. First of all, a lot of great Latino singers die. Selena, Richie Valance. La Bamba. Ricky Martin. Ricky Martin. Rest in peace.

Yeah, Señor T, Mr. T. Mr. T. Very sad, man. But, yeah, Selena got them titas, you know? Got them leche con. Hot tamales. Yeah, Mr. T. Mr. T. Very sad, man. But yeah, Selena got them titas, you know? Got them leche con... Hot tamales. Yeah, yeah. Con quesos. Yeah.

Con... La pica de gallo titas. What? You're Spanish, bro. She's hot. You're the worst Spanish person ever, man. I'm not Spanish, bro. Yeah, you are.

No, dude. You are. I'm whiter than you. Dude, you know how Mexican you dude. Yeah, you are. I'm whiter than you. Dude, you know how Mexican you are? You don't even realize it. Do I look Mexican? Bro, 80%. Yeah, maybe, dude.

I get a lot of weird looks, you know? Yeah, bro. Those aren't weird looks. Those are Mexican friends. Bro, those are probably gangbangers, papa. No, when I pull into Home Depot, everyone's like, hey. I'm like, all right, dude. I don't need any work.

But they just. You're like, there's our mascot, Holmes. He's doing it, Holmes. Seriously? Dude. He made it, Holmes. Seriously? Seriously?

Yeah. Bro, next life, bro. I'm telling you. I'm coming. Feliz Navidad. I'm being Mexican next time, boy. You want to be Mexican? Santa Claus.

Yeah. Santa Claus. Yeah. Santa Claus, Holmes. Coming down the chimney, papa. Papa. Santa Claus. Yeah. Santa Claus. Coming down the chimney. Papa. Papa. Pistolas.

Punte. I know. Bro, you are definitely. Uh-uh. Punto. No, we're stopping you at the border, dude. You're done. Shut up.

Beautiful Aunt Selena. Thank you for taking care of you. I wish I had an aunt like that. My aunt looks like fucking. My aunts look like dragons. What else you got taking care of a young son. I wish I had an aunt like that. My aunt looks like fucking dragons. What else you got? Next up is Uncle Mark. And I got some stats on this guy, too. Damn, Mark.

Anyone need trimming? Not from your crazy ass. Is he a serial killer? Bro, is this from E-Bombs World? I feel like Uncle Mark looks like every picture off that website e-bombs world and he might be a homosexual as well or homosexual would you want to hear some stats on him yeah man written down all right he's 62 years old still pulls girls off of myspace he's a retired truck driver now owns a landscaping

slash gigolo business that's a joke uh- Yeah. And then I'll just stop it there. Please. Boom. Yeah. Yeah, it's too jokey for me, Uncle Mark. Me too. We want serious fucking inquiries only. Whoever, did Nick or Chin, did you pick this?

Please, man. Nick did. So we're going to slap Creepy Nick when we get done with this. This is, yeah. I mean, the guy's 60 years old. I love that. He looks respectable. He's an outdoorsman.

That part I get. He's a chains 60 years old. I love that. He looks respectable. He's an outdoorsman. That part I get. He's a chainsaw owner, which I respect that, a man that owns a saw. Not mad at his tits. Yeah. I always like a guy who has tits and isn't afraid to show it. Yeah, agreed. But the guy still pulls girls off MySpace. At that point, it's just like, what are we doing here?

It's not realistic. So thank you for submitting them, but no thank you for submitting them bam all right relationship advice oh yeah we're so good at this give it up are we don't fucking touch me sorry if my hand's warm bro it's been on my nuts for about 10 minutes don't touch me dude i. I thought I smelled like Top Ramen. What do we got? First one's from Jen Rocks of Texas. Oh, yeah. Hey, guys. Gang, gang. Buzz, buzz.

Jennifer from Texas here needing some relationship advice. I am single and in my 30s. in my 30s and I find that I'm having so much problems in the dating world because I am a home buddy. I am so completely introverted. I like to stay home and read and watch movies and work out. I don't know how to put myself out there because I don't really thrive in social situations and so what should I do I've tried the online dating no one blows my mind enough to want to like leave my little cave and I just need your help but I I got to go. Game of Thrones is coming on.

Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. Gang, gang. Buzz, girl. And I'm loving Game of Thrones. Game of Thrones is so yesterday, but carry on. But it's like figure it out. I agree. Like just, you're on a small island. Yeah.

Just go over. Just go over one fucking state. Popeye, how about sending a bird to somebody that's like, hey, take your horse. Yeah. Drive up the road. Let's split a loaf of syphilis and fucking chat. Right. You know, start having babies, create your own fucking kingdom. It's easy. Get a dragon, shut your fucking mouth. So this chick though, so she doesn't do well in social environments.

Good thing is with this day and age with Instagram, Tinder, Grindr, Bumblebee, Bumper, J-Date, Farmers Only. You don't have to. And she's like, I know I've tried all the dating sites. I get that. Listen, if you're going to fish, you want to catch that marlin, you got to catch some fucking toads before you catch that marlin. You catch my drift. The big old marlin is out there.

You just got to keep fishing, girl. Keep on fishing. And hopefully you don't catch catfish. You know what I'm saying? It's me fishing. I fish for Theo. What's what's up bro deep sea hunting that's all sex that's all dating is deep sea hunting but i think you're trying to do too much at once by making it all happen but sitting on the apps and just being judgmental at a certain point it just doesn't help us i used to do it and then next thing you know i'd sit there at night be like yep i just told a thousand people no time to masturbate and go to sleep and that was my life splitting lettuce

wraps by yourself oh good jerking off into an empty fucking uh carl's junior box say that double western urinating in a cup because i'd masturbated so many times i didn't have enough energy to get to the bathroom. Oof, been there, bro. So it's just a matter of the future you want to have. Right now, it's looking pretty sad. Well, yeah. You're always jacking off into fucking Orange Julius. What are you talking about?

I didn't say that. What else do we got? Good luck, girl. Jesus, good luck. We got Hannah from Florence, Kentucky. Hey, guys. My name is Hannah, and I have a relationship question. My husband is very well endowed, which I love.

Dick City. But it does take me a couple of days to recover afterward. And most of our marriage, his schedule is only allowed for maybe twice a week and his schedule just changed and now it is every day and quit interrupting i just don't know what to do about it because i'm not really into saying no but i also don't want to be wheelchair bound for the rest of my life. So whatever you guys think, let me know. Gang, gang. Better get them feet mouth ready. Well, Jesus Christ, Brendan, don't you think about anything but sex, you idiot?

Her question is about sex. Yeah, but you could hear a child in the background and you're saying, well, that's on the mouth ready. Well, that's on her, bro. Yeah, it's on her, but it's also on trying to help her, dude. But can you imagine the listeners of this episode or this podcast? They hear a child's voice, and then you come dubbing in over it. Better get your mouth ready. Mouth and feet ready. Dude, I'm trying to solve a problem for this young lady with dope hair, and her man gots that fucking panther tail between his legs.

Okay, solve the problem then. It was once a week right and then twice a week she said twice well now it's every every day so it's a real problem yeah i heard her freaking problem i'm trying to figure it out dude are you yeah hey why don't we have the kid bark uh you know have the kid do his times tables in the background and brennan can you know show pictures of uh uterus or whatever makes him feel happy. Hey, man, I'm trying to figure her problems out. I don't need the kid in the background. You just got to get creative, man.

You don't have to be sore every day. Who's man? This is Hannah. Who's man? What do you think you should do, Dale? Well, here's the thing. You knew when you married the guy what was going on between his legs. It's not like he's surprising you suddenly at 50 years old he gots a couple extra cubic inches of wiener.

The pterodactyl. Yeah. If he's pulling big root all of a sudden, you can't claim it was a radish when you knew it was a patat. You know what I'm saying? So I think, but you can also set boundaries you guys have children you know and you can't just be doing sex all day if they got children around so i would say look honey two times a week it'll keep the excitement going and a build-up you know i'm saying yeah just because obviously your husband lost his job which he didn't want to say doesn't mean you guys

should be doing sex all day. Legit point. In fact, during the Great Depression, people weren't having that much sex because they didn't want to have extra children because they couldn't feed them. And they were depressed. Yeah. So I don't think you need to be just having sex. Do something else. Get a puzzle.

Get a table outdoors so you have to do stuff outdoors in public. Like, you know, eat outdoors. Don't eat inside where people could have sex after. Maybe let them go to shady massage places. Yeah, get them a masseuse, you know. Get them a massage shop. One of Chin's buddies. You recommend any places, Chin?

I don't remember off the top of my head. And I think there's one called that, off the top of my head. See, if you just Google search that anywhere in Tampa, Florida, I'm sure you'll find a spot. But look, I think just lovingly tell them, look, we already have some offspring. You're off of work. So I just think it's time for us to, you know,

shut down the womb and get that womb filler. They have a thing you can get on the internet where it just kind of, it's like a detour thing for your vagina. You know, it kind of just like, uh, just like as a stopper, like a blocker.

Yeah. Every day is ridiculous. Especially if, especially if he has a pterodactyl every day is ridiculous. Oh yeah. If he's showing up with a damn, uh, safety cone,

you got to shut it down mama. What else we got? Good luck girl. All right. It's that time again. Oh, better dead. Brendan's that time again. Oh, really? Wed, bed, or dead. Brendan's menstrual cycle.

Wed, bed, or dead? Wed, bed, or dead. Oh. This is original. What do we got? First one is from Shannon from Ohio. Hey, Theo. Hey, Brendan.

Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. I'm Shannon, and I'm sending in this video because I really like the portion of the wed, bed, or dead last week's podcast. It was really funny. Love the golden girls, but I think I can top the options this week. So they're all three of them are amazingly gorgeous and your options are Brian Callen, Chris D'Elia and Joe Rogan I know how will you ever choose anyway can't wait to see who you choose and Theo hopefully I'll be seeing you

in October at one of your shows can't wait for that too alright thanks guys have a good one bye thank you for saying my name first also in the beginning Shannon or S.Hannon was her name yes S.Hannon was her name? Yes, S. Hannon. S. Hannon?

Yes. This one's pretty easy because you want to marry Rogan because he's so rich. Well, if that's what you're into, so you're obviously giving away a lot about yourself. So you're taking care of if you're a young lady. So you want to marry Rogan. You don't think Chris D'Elia or Brian Callen can take care of someone? Not financially like Rogan can. What? Have you seen Chris D'Elia or Brian Callen can take care of someone? Not financially like Rogan can. What? Have you seen

Chris D'Elia, bro? I've seen him. I've seen him. I'll do the other day. He had a family in the back of his G-Wagon. Just a random family he was taking care of. He was taking care of. He had a baby with him, like an actual infant.

It had a bottle. In the bottle was $2,000 cash, no milk. And the kid was sucking on that. Sucking. He does just have a cult. Oh, yeah. He does have his own cult. Oh, well, there's a picture on the internet, too.

Somebody committed a crime in a baby's shirt. He reposted it. Yeah, it was. A guy robbed a bank in a baby's shirt. They're like, has he reposted it? Well, I'm not joking. There's a crime somebody committed. Has anybody seen this fellow anywhere in this area?

Call this police number. It's a guy stealing something in a baby shirt. I thought you were joking. That's hilarious. But S. Hanna, I would say, or S. Hannon, sorry. I would say that power just went out in here. Chin fired. Power.

And we had to fire Derek, too. Derek fired himself. Let's be honest with what's going on in America. Derek didn't show up for work. Did Derek quit? Six weeks in a row. And just say family reunion? Yeah.

God, who would you kill out of them? You have to go all three. Do your three, please. Maren Rogan. Bed Chris D'Elia because he has a cult. I'm going to have to kill Brian Callen. Bro, you're already blowing Chris D'Elia. You might as well just go all the way with him. Jesus, dude.

If I see you on Instagram, like one more of his things. Way to go, buddy. That's what you wrote the other day on a picture of him. I was like, what? Way to go, buddy. Way to go, buddy. That's what you wrote the other day on a picture of him. I was like, what? Way to go, buddy. Way to go, buddy. What are you talking about? You keep hitting up Rogan like he's your therapist, man.

You haven't heard from him. Have you? I'm like, yeah, man. Maybe quit asking him how often you should feed your hamsters. Maybe that's why he's not getting back to you, bro. Yeah, they're beautiful animals. You start charging by the hour for advice. Whatever, dude.

Whatever. You've already made your bed, dude. I'm going to say this, man. I would marry Brian Callen because I would never leave my friend behind, and he's a good guy. And I know that he also has trouble in relationships, and so do I, so we could at least be there for each other. You mean cheat on each other? that's another way to put it so then i have to yeah dude

uh well first of all i think yeah i would have to i would have to kill chris d'alia because he is the he's my mortal enemy and a lot of people know that you know i'll be at shows and somebody will yell fuck chris d'alia you know and then and then thousands of other people will cheer so it's uh you know he has a cult and they're all about sucking and fucking and uh and you know i'm sort of the other end of the the teeter-totter and so um you know i'm about trying not to jerk off and just doing our best. God. Jesus Christ. Look at him defend.

You might as well open up a YMCA. Jesus Christ. I would love that. Yeah, I know you would. Oh, I'd give anything to have a fucking swim team. Oh, we can do it. We can make this happen for you, bro. And then I would probably.

You're going to kill Rogan. Oh, I'd probably. No, you don't kill. Is the other one kill? No, kill Crystalia, I said. Oh, okay. So then you're going to add Rogan. I'd have to, yeah, I'd have to make love to Joe Rogan or be made love to by him.

Yeah, you definitely bought him, bro. Oh, I don't think I'm going top on Joe Rogan. No, you don't want that. He's power fucking that ass. Oh, I can't. I mean, look, I would also take some sedatives or I would disconnect the nervous system from my body for the waist down so I couldn't feel it. Yeah, you're going to feel like that young lady

who's for relationship advice with her husband with a pterodactyl. Yeah, just two times a week, Joe, please. But that would be it, man, for me. I think that would be it for me. So our only difference was I would marry Joe, you would kill Joe. Yeah, they were all different. Yeah, they're all different. All right.

Our only difference was all of them. All of them. If you want to know. All of them are different. If you want to know Brennan and I's thought processes and how they differ, it's all of them. Do that one. All right, next one up is, I think it's Gyasi.

Gyasi from Sacramento, California. Good thing the heat's on in here. Do that one. All right, next one up is, I think it's Gyasi. Gyasi from Sacramento, California. Good thing the heat's on in here. Oh, jeez. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz, sting, sting, gang, gang. What's up? This is Tyler from Michigan. Got Wed, Bed, or Dead for you. And it's the Jennifers.

Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Lawrence, and Jennifer Lopez, J-Lo. Man, I got that hitter right now. I need surgery. But, yo, Theo, I'm still going to come see you in Detroit October. Gang, gang, baby. Let's go. Gang, gang, brother. And drop me an email through my website, man,

and we'll make sure that we get to meet up with you and say hello, man. I'm going to write my name on that leg. You guys at home they were just listening you can only see that man have a um special like a mummy leg or something what is that surgery yeah it looks like he had knee surgery a cast sorry he didn't have a cast on did he yeah he was a cast with like a metal piece on it whatever you guys are either way have nick wheelman your show whatever, the guy's bedridden. Yeah, see, there's like a piece

of metal there too. Yeah, the guy's probably dying. Yeah, they don't put those in casts because he's on fourth grade. His name is Tyler, by the way.

You can't sign his cast, moron. His name is Tyler. Say his name. His name is Gyasi. Shout out to Tyler. It's written as Gyasi. Wed, bed, or dead,

Jennifer's. Working with animals here. Gyasi, thank you for emailing. Tyler. Well, then why did you write it as Geassi? I didn't write it, bro. Well, then how do you misspell Tyler as Geassi? You asked the person that wrote that.

And who is it? I don't know. Guess. I'm not going to name names. He's talking about Creepy Nick again. Okay. It's not Creepy Nick. It's Premature Nick.

No, it's Creepy Nick on this end. He was born three weeks early. The staff calls him Creepy. The staff is just you calling for Creepy Nick again. Okay. It's not Creepy Nick. It's Premature Nick. No, it's Creepy Nick on this end. He was born three weeks early. The staff calls him creepy. The staff is just you calling him creepy. All these guys. Chin's afraid to say his name. Yeah, he is. I don't know why. Say his name, Nick.

Say it. Nick Mufasa. Say it again. And Chin didn't want to say it last week when Chin was forced into the driver's seat. I know, right? Even though Black Derek is the one who didn't show up to work. Yeah, take your anger out on Black Derek, dude. Dude, we don't have our – you know why the show is a little weird today?

We don't have our culture corner. Because Kat got a wreck. Asian driver. And then Derek's at a family reunion. Bro, so we have the most – Of course. Of course they're missing. Ain't that a bitch?

It's a dichotomy. You should have saw this coming. Yeah, people want to say, well, what are these white guys? Because the reason why white guys are because they're at work, okay? Asian people are getting in accidents constantly. It's true. Black people are constantly at the family reunion. But we still take the risk and hire them, don't we?

And they throw shade at us. Oh, dude. them don't we and that they show they show they throw shade at us oh dude i just got a form yesterday a uh yeah heard on the job form from derrick so well shout out to cat hopefully she's okay uh yeah shout out to cat i hope she's okay um i'm assuming she's probably driving a honda do you know chin it was a honda accord she does drive a Honda. She does drive a Honda Accord. Yes. I said, what happened? She said, just life. Yep. Just life.

Just driving. Yep. Ran into a pole. Oh. I didn't see the pole. All right. I think she's okay, though, and our thoughts and prayers are with Kat today. What better dad?

Let's knock this one out. What did the guy ask? The guy asked a question. Jennifer Lawrence. Jennifer Lawrence. Jennifer Lopez or Jennifer Aniston? The Jennifers. Okay, man.

First of all, I'm marrying Jennifer Lopez because she is fine. She's 50. She's 50. She's 50, bro. Yeah, she's 50 online. That means 60 in real life. Jennifer Aniston's 60. Jennifer Aniston?

Jennifer Aniston seems like a fucking problem, bro. Jennifer Aniston dead. I would go Jennifer. Who's the other one? Jennifer Lawrence? Yeah. I wouldn't even talk to Jennifer Lawrence, dude. She gets on my fucking nerves. So I'd rather just jerk off outside. And then who's the other jennifer lawrence yeah i wouldn't even talk to jennifer lawrence dude she gets on my fucking nerves so i'd rather just jerk off outside and then uh who's the other

one jennifer lopez jennifer lopez i like j-lo dude and so i'll marry j-lo too me too i just want to marry j-lo i'll kill the other two but ben affleck's ex-wife that would be my jennifer oh yeah oh you like the jennifer or jenn Dean Or Jimmy Dean's daughter, the Sausage King Oh God, I'd pork her What else do you got, Jin? Alright, this is King It or Sting It First up is Tyler from New York

Oh, now this is Tyler The other guy is Jiasi I know, I hope we're Jiasi, man Here you go Yeah, good luck with the name Yo, what up, guys? Dio, Brennan Gang Gang, Buzz Buzz, baby I'm a huge fan of the show. Yo, what up, guys? Theo, Brennan, gang gang, buzz buzz, baby.

I'm a huge fan of the show, man. And quick question for you guys. Chest hair, do you like it or do you not like it? Should you keep it or should you shave it? I'm going to Puerto Rico in a few weeks with my boys on vacation, and I had quite a bit, man. So I shaved it all off. Not sure if it was the right move or not,

but you know, it is what it is now. And I was looking to see your guys' feedback. King it, sting it, debate club. I'll let you guys do your thing, man. Love you guys. Peace. Love you, man. Peace, man.

I like that up to his belly button. Me too. This guy's got a cool vibe. Here's my thing. If you're super hairy, that's God's work. Just live with the hair, man. Like, if you're Armenian, if there's some, my dad has super hairy forearms, you just got to let it grow, man.

That's God's painting. That's what he's doing. He's painting all over your chest, all over your back, maybe on your face. Just leave it. Don't be weird. Don't be weird, dude. So what are you telling him? I'm telling him you should have left it,

because when he lifted his shirt up, it just doesn't look natural. Can you go back to the shirt uplift? I'm not going to look, but have Brennan look again. Look at the belly button, please. Please acknowledge the deep crater of that belly button. Scroll down a little chin. Right there. It's the deepest belly button you've ever seen in your life.

Oh, wow. That is very deep, huh? He's smooth like a seal. Yeah, but it seemed like he still really misses his mother. I mean, that is a deep belly button Deep connection there Jeepers From downtown baby

Can you take it off of him with his shirt up like that? Can I what? He wants you to take it down now He has a giant erection You have to keep the man's chest up for us for 20 seconds That's what he wants, though, man. Also, a lot of hairy dudes. I think girls dig that.

I'm not a hairy dude, so I don't know where it's coming from. But you look at all the beast dudes out there, Hugh Jackman, Burt Reynolds. Geo Training, if you look at him on Instagram, who's Brennan's. He's hairless, too, though. He's a hairless chimp. It's you. That's why. He's a hairless chimp. It's you. That's why. He's a hairless chimp.

That'd be me if I took every steroid in the book. Well, look at this, bucko. Here's what I'll say to you, and we have to get through this damn episode. Okay? Nick gets through the episodes a little quicker. I'll say that. That this guy, I like it. It's a good question.

I think it also depends on your age. If you're under 30, you can still do the chest shave thing. If you're over 30, I think you got to let the hair grow out. You can't, you know, unless you get wax. Getting wax is one thing. But you can't, like I used to do like a number two on my chest and show up at a place. Yeah, it looks ridiculous. I looked like I had a big front sideburn with nipples on the edges, right?

Had a five o'clock shadow on your tits. Yeah. It looks ridiculous. I looked like I had a big front sideburn with nipples on the edges, right? Had a 5 o'clock shadow on your tits. Yeah. So I think that's where you just have to be cautious. But also don't be weird about it once you get it. Whatever decision you make, rock with it. The back, though, is the thing that if it gets too hairy, you got to get it waxed. Dude, the back's a no-no.

Shoulders? Yeah, the shoulders is very scary. If you have hair on your shoulders, to any girl, you are an uncle. Or you're Russian. So you just got to get it waxed off, I think, if you're going to be at the pool. If you're at work all day in a suit. If you have hair on your shoulders, you're an uncle. You are. There's no doubt it's hard to fucking.

You got it. You have mints in your pocket. Your uncle with mints in your pocket. You have hair on your fucking shoulders. Dude, if you put your. And also, like you said about your father with the wrist hair or whatever. The forearm hair, man. That is very alarming.

Also, going down on a woman that has a lot of hair on her thighs is very dangerous and very unique. But I would get it. I would get it. Whatever choice you make, rock with it. But over 30, I think you have to let it go. It's God's word, man. Under 30, I think it's okay to shave it. If you're going on an MTV spring break, shave it.

Yeah, it depends on where you're going, too. Like, I think if you're kind of— Cancun, hairless. Yeah. Cancun, hairless. The Poconos, hair. Hair, got to have it. Yeah.

And I would ask Brendan where the Poconos are, but I already Gotta have it. Yeah. And I would ask Brendan where the Poconos are, but I already know that he doesn't know. And I bet Chen also doesn't know. I don't know. I knew you didn't know, dude. Sorry.

So fucking Asian up or Asian out. All right. Okay. Next one up. Nick knows where they are. Let's go. Let's ask him.

All right. Next one up is Anthony and Umberto. Brendan and Theo. Anthony and Umberto here. Hand grenades. King it or sting it. Fastballs of freedom.

Gang gang. Pause, pause. Whoa. These dudes are gangsta. Don't fucking touch me. Oh! Damn! That was great. Don't fucking touch me launch grenades that was the best video i've ever seen on this show dude oh my god dude i salute you guys bro two-handed salute me too oh my god bro

mile high salute baby dude don't fucking salute Dude, don't fucking salute me, bro. Dude, don't fucking salute me. Okay. Do not fucking do it, man. Hell, I'd fuck. Dude, since I was a kid, I was throwing fake hand grenades. That's the first time I've ever seen a real one. I gotta be honest. I saw a real one one time.

They had a, somebody had this livestock show in our town, and somebody flipped the fuck out and threw one. A real one? Yeah. Dang. Killed it. I mean, you could say killed it. You could say quickly

barbecued but i'll say this man thank you guys for your service right there i'm baritone what was the other guy's name anthony yes shout out to both of them that's coolest video we've ever got hand grenades bring them back brother i say give everybody one it stopped these school shootings if we launched some hand grenades you know what i I'm saying? Oh, first of all, the toughest kid in school should get one grenade. Because that kid is going to like, oh, there's a shooting going on. Let me roll this bitch down the hall. Here's the other thing that I was surprised by. I was surprised how long those grenades took to actually explode.

That's how they trick you. That took way longer than I thought. Because you're like. So you got some time to run. Well, you're like the guy that dies on that movie with the cartoon with the wolf. You're talking about the roadrunner? Roadrunner, yeah. Because you think that it should have gone off.

You walk back over to read on the side of the handle. Oh, I wonder why this didn't go off. Boom. Bam. Deceased boy. But thank you guys, man. I'll say this. Hand grenades.

Bring them back. Yeah. Yeah. Hand grenades. Bring them back. Yeah. Yeah. Hand grenades. Bring them back, dude. Nice. Last one, guys. Don't fucking salute me.

Don't fucking salute me, dude. Gino Garcia from Chicago. What's up, Theo? What's up, Brennan? What's up? I got a king in a stinger here for you guys. Shitting at your girlfriend's house. Personally, I feel uncomfortable with it,

but when shit needs to go down, shit needs to go down. So tell me what you guys think. King it or sting it. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. Keep it sexy. Gang, gang. You can't be fucking painting your girl's toilet brown, man. There's nothing less sexy than blowing up your girl's bathroom.

I used to hold it for hours and then pretend I needed gas, even though I had a bike. Oh, yeah. I'd better go pick some things up and just go blow up a Conoco. Oh, winter's coming, dude. You're talking White Walkers? I'm talking about autumn is coming, bro, the Brown Walkers. The Brown Walkers, bro.

You got to hold that sucker in, baby. Cleveland Browns are at the gate. Bro, you ate it, you hold it. That's my motto. You don't shit at somebody else's house. You know how disrespectful that is? Psychopath. Her mom lives there, bro.

Here's the thing. All day you're driving around, doing this, doing that. You're going to go to your lady's house and shit? What are you, some sort of fucking psycho? Yeah, man. Who are you? All day. Who are you, ravishing Rick Rude, bro?

What kind of animal does that in his girl's house, man? Yeah, who are you, Larry Shitman? Get it together, boy. Fucking definitely sting that. Yeah, dude, you got a car, dude, you know what I'm saying? Hang like nine air fresheners in a trunk and shit in a trunk on a canvas or something like Joey Diaz would do it like a freaking gentleman. Yeah, shit out the car window. That's crazy.

You're an idiot. Better than shit out of your girl's house. Good point. Don't fucking touch me, dude. Is that it? That's it, boys. That's it. We did it, bro.

We did it. We did it. Freaking did it, dude. Shout out to the grenade launchers. Shout out to the grenade launchers. Did you really send that girl that picture or no? Yeah, I did, bro. We did it. We did it. Freaking did it, dude. Shout out to the grenade launchers. Shout out to the grenade launchers. Did you really send that girl that picture or no? Yeah, I did, dude. We'll see what happens.

We will see what happens, young Theo. Just don't tell her I'm a fucking creep. I'm trying to help you out. I know, man. Again, dude, I will do that for you. I'm your genie. Whatever you need, ask me. Yeah.

I got you, dude. You're the worst genie, dude. Nah, man. Like I said, I wish I had a friend like me. If I wanted three wishes to definitely never come true. That'd be your genie? In a heartbeat, dude. And you'd be in an igloo cooler instead of a lamp.

That's a stupid-ass lamp. That's a good point, actually. I'd way rather have a real-ass genie in an igloo cooler, man. I like it. Stress my legs. Yeah, bro. All right. Thank you guys for being here on this stretch my legs. Yeah, bro. All right. Thank you guys for being here on this episode of King and the Sting.

Is that new merch you got? New merch, dog. New King and the Sting. And we got hats, this. We got our jerseys on there. Just drop. That's beautiful, man. Check them out.

Get your tees. King and the offspring. That's what it's going to be. King and the offspring. Thank you, everybody, for your submissions. We really appreciate it. Send them. Send more. That's how the show goes. The best ones you, everybody, for your submissions. We really appreciate it. Send them. Send more.

That's how the show goes. The best ones you send make the show, man. I'm off to Calgary and Brea. Calgary, yuck, yucks, June 22nd. And then Brea. Brea Improv, dog. It's like bread. It's almost like that word bread, but without the D.

Brea. Brea. Get them. And also, I will be in Vancouver this week. Vogue Theater, right? Yep, Vogue Theater Thursday night. And then the other place that I'm going to be coming up, I'm in Tulsa, Oklahoma on June 27th.

Austin, Texas on June 27th. And Tulsa, Oklahoma on June 28th. And I'm in some other places too, but the tickets aren't available anymore. So I'm looking forward to seeing you guys. We've also talked about maybe next year doing a King and the Sting, trying to get together on stage. I think we might

try a King and the Sting live at the Comedy Store in July, maybe. It'd be interesting, huh? Feel it out, bro. Yeah. Alright, man. Be good to yourself, dude. Yeah, thank you.