The Golden Hour - Episode 28: Everybody Loves Ribs

Episode Date: July 18, 2019

Theo and Brendan watch music video's they've cameo'd in, Brendan in MC Hammer's, Theo in Bhad Bhabie's, and introduce brand new segments - Clown my Hound, Chide my Ride & Punk my Unk. They also wonder if Drake is white and talk ribs, drinking "Lean", Tigger, T-Pain, 50 shades of brown, Mel Gibson, riding Lawnmower's, Snack Mates and much more!Postmates - Promo code: KATS2019Hims - https://www.forhims.com/KATSMack Weldon - https://www.mackweldon.com  promo code: KATSWix.com - https://www.wix.com/go/kats Promo code: KATS20Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

back off my broccolini get your life together don't touch me bro i'm not touching you picking black guys on airplanes huh and brown guys wow yeah black and brown you see my crowd rolling huh trump hates me oh dude build a wall around your fucking luggage i know i know man bro how crazy to mix it up bro oh dude his son is very dangerous to travel with he gets stopped every time every time every no how about a fan this girl was like i want to get a picture the dude goes nah he's part of jihad he's jihad he's jihad and was dead serious no but i like you know we joke about was like no he's part of Jihad. He's Jihad. He's Jihad. And was dead serious. No, but like, you know what we joke about? It was like, no, he's part of Jihad.

We ain't doing that shit. Dude. And I looked down at my panel and went, I get it. I didn't do that, but I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe it. We're talking about Brendan's openers, or as I like to refer to them as his mauve twinks that he brings around the country. Mauve's a color, Brendan.

And it's like a taupe, kind of. Strong taupe. Fifty Shades of Brown? That's my new tour called Fifty Shades of Brown. Dude, great name. Write that down. It's pretty good. Fifty Shades of Brown with B-Chop. The other comedian, Ihsan, he looks like a librarian

for Al-Qaeda, bro. He looks like Al-Qaeda's fucking accountant. That's what he looks like. And I know he would laugh at that. He likes good jokes. And I don't even know if that is a good joke, but I know he's okay if we joke around. I think, Derek, you know him better than we do. Oh, yeah.

He's fine. That little muzzle. Oh, yeah. Or slims. We call them slims. The little slims. I've seen him eat bacon, though. Oh, yeah.

It's very confusing. Oh, dude, that's a new thing. A lot of these second generation slims, dude, they i've seen them eat bacon though oh yeah it's very oh dude that's a new thing a lot of these do second generation slims dude they're huffing pork at every chance they get smoked pork brisket oh it's different dude you wake them up in the middle of the night and fucking just pull their mouths open and they got a thing of uh you know uh pig jerky in them dude you can kidnap them just put a nice slab of pork ribs in a van, dude. I'll get a sawn right in there. That's what I'm saying, bro. It's really

interesting how... I'm not buying it, bro. For one generation, people get hella American, bro. You know what I'm saying? Their parents have all like a lot of like, you know, old school traditions, but you throw a fucking couple hits of bacon. You give them that fucking baby back ribs.

And a hatchback, yeah. Hatchback and a baby back ribs. Yeah, dude. Leave a little bit. Forget everything. Praise Allah. Just like jump into that van. Bro, yeah, they switched to the Lord real quick, bro.

You feel me? Doesn't everybody. Good to be here, man. Oh, you got that Reds jersey, huh? Yeah, I got it in Cincinnati, bro. Wow. How are the Reds doing? I have no idea.

This is Tommy Segura town. Tommy Seguraville. Yeah, he's from Cincinnati. Who else is from Cincinnati? Well... Not a lot of people. Gary Owen. You know?

Why did I think he was from San Diego? Pretty much the black Tom Segura kind of. Yeah, he's the same guy, yeah. Oh, yeah. Same guy, but one's black. He's like, if there were an Underground Railroad, he would be Tom Hanks in Polar Express. Kind of. Get on the bucket!

Get on the train! That's a Gary Owen impersonation. What have you been up to, dude? I feel like I haven't seen you in forever. Really? Yeah. You haven't seen me in, yeah, I guess in... I didn't see you last week.

I didn't see you last week, huh? No. What have I been up to, dude? I guess I'm just, I ended up masturbating last night, so I'm feeling kind of, I guess, ashamed of myself. I knew something was going on, man. Right when I walked in, I went, Theo bust nuts. Theo bust some nuts. Why would you think that?

Because you're in a bad mood. Yeah, you could have think maybe my alarm clock went off too early. Okay, why would you immediately take your brain waves to my ball because you've never seen that thick sweat i thought some thick sweat came out them ball sacks because when he came in your alarms i'm gonna put you in a bad mood you'll get over that okay but there's still 47 000 other things i would think to consider nah but i can just tell what kind of mood you're like you're like my mood ring really when you walk in you're my mood ring. Oh, thanks, man. It's pretty dark lately. Really? It's a dark mood ring. The darkest, some would say. I got my mood

ring just has like a total bandwagon mood ring. So every time it shows up, like you. It's purple right now for the Raptors. It's purple for the Raptors. It just changed to red and white for the Reds. It's got a couple, if I It just changed to red and white for the Reds. It's got a couple, if I look into it right now, it's got a couple of Marge shot recipes just rolling through. And I can even see a pair of Chris Sabo goggles passing by. What's up, Doug? Beautiful, man.

Oh, what is that in my mood ring right now? Oh, that's Brendan and Barry Larkin holding hands. Barry Larkin, baby. And also, let's be honest, Derek looks just like Barry Larkin. Can we get a picture of Barry Larkin, baby. And also, let's be honest, Derek looks just like Barry Larkin. Can we get a picture of Barry Larkin up here? God, does he? And let's see this resemblance.

I hope he does, otherwise I'm going to seem really racist. Yeah, it's a tad racist because he does not look like Barry Larkin. Oh, he does a little bit. Same complexion, right? It's a stretch. It's a stretch. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, a little bit.

A little bit. That's awesome, man. Good for you, man. Good for you. That's cool. Shout out to Barry Larkin. Good for you, bro. Shout out to Barry Larkin, man.

Yeah, what else has been going on? Not too much, dude. You been smoking them cigs? I had a couple last night before bed. Oh, no. Not any today, man. Busting nuts and cigs? Oh, trust me. It's going to be a tough day. Trust me.

40 minutes of Modern Warfare Call of Duty. Oh, you're playing live now? Yeah. Snapchat opened up a bunch of snaps. Why did you do that deal? The worst, bro. Big tits. People sending in tits. Male b-holes. Everything.

All kind of things I don't want. Why did you go down that road, though? I don't know what happened. Is it the cigarettes? I think one thing kind of leads to the next and then it's like it's 1 a.m. and I was planning on going to bed at 10 p.m., dude. And then 1 a.m. because you're playing Call of Duty, smoking them cigs.

Yeah, it just gets dark and then I had to brush my teeth. So that was good. And then what else? You ever smoke a cigarette while playing Call of Duty Live? No. I got a picture with the headset. I'm like, God damn it, Jerry.

That's my picture. What? Really? Doing Seinfeld reenactments? That seems like an insane plan you have. What? Insane memory. Wow.

Can't believe you're allowed to leave your house with your brain every day. That is baffling. Bro, cigarettes, busting nuts, and Snapchat? We got to keep an eye on you, man. Trust me, man. You know, it's getting risky out here. The streets are rough for the Rat King. The streets are rough for the Rat King, man. It never ends, bro. There's different levels, man. There's different risky out here. The streets are rough for the Rat King. The streets are rough for the Rat King, man.

It never ends, bro. There's different levels, man. There's different levels out there. So, but what else, man? Everything else is pretty much okay, really. I'm trying to think. I feel like, oh, something crazy happened, but I can't tell you on this show. No?

Nope. You okay? Yeah, I'm okay. Okay. Something bad. Are you thinking about charging your Area 51? I think I'm going to charge my phone in a little while. Same shit. Oh, Area 51, dude? No. You look like the type of dude who you thinking about charging Area 51? I think I'm going to charge my phone in a little while. Same shit.

Oh, Area 51, dude? No. You look like the type of dude who's going to charge Area 51. Huh? You look like the dude who's going to charge it. Oh, I look like the dude who's going to lead the charge, you mean? You know what I'm saying? All my freaking alien hunters, dude.

Everybody who wants to catch them big-eyed fucking bad boys, follow me. You feel me? Big eyes? They got big eyes? Oh, I know there's two dead aliens over there in fucking New Mexico. Guaranteed. There's probably 60 if you look in people's houses. Dude, if you don't, but the shitty thing about an alien is you get to it, it just looks

like a stick of kind of white beef jerky with a couple raisins at the end. A couple raisin eyes? Looks like a shitty snowman? It's not like Scully and Mulder have been taking care of these fellas. You know, it's the Air Force has been taking care of them or whatever. And I don't think they've been trying to really, you know, they're not nourishing them. It's like they haven't been there in a, you know, like they built an anytime fitness back there. And they got a couple of...

You never know. They might be working out. They might be feeding them ribs. Baby back ribs. Everyone loves ribs, baby back ribs. Everyone loves those chili baby back ribs. Bro, now you're talking about illegal aliens. Okay? Ah, you're right. And now we're going full circle with our conversation. Full circle.

Silver blankets. Yeah, bro. Put that hatchback up, dude. Hatchback and baby back ribs. Catch a new opener and catch a freaking orbiter. You know? You got it all, dude. Bro, everybody likes ribs. Everybody. in um other countries cat cat you like ribs yeah i love ribs asians love spare ribs well you guys like the you guys

like the dry short ribs right uh yeah it sounds like you don't okay yeah it sounds like you're not into it well you just accuse them of doing that well because you can get the korean short rib they're they're like dry and yeah i mean koreans have their own ribs chinese people have I'm not into it. Well, you just accused them of doing that. Well, because you can get the Korean short rib. They're like dry and peppered and salted. Yeah, I mean, Koreans have their own ribs. Chinese people have their own ribs. But you guys don't like fuck with the hickory barbecue. I mean, that's not how we make it, but I fucks with it. Damn, them husky hitters, boys.

She likes them big boys, huh? Them sweet ribs. What kind of fuck likes the beef ribs? They're like this big. I like them, fellas. Like your friend this big. I like them, fellas. Like your friend Flintstones. You like them, fellas? You have them in your body.

Don't touch me, dude. But keep touching me. But keep touching me. I haven't seen you in a while. Do not touch me. I know you're going through a lot right now. You just started Snapchat. I'm off Snapchat.

I've deleted it. You got booty holes in your face. You got cigarettes in your lips. Well, first of all, people need to start thinking about their lives and if they have the Lord in them before they start Snapchatting others. It is sick out there. Sometimes when you see an asshole, though, you see the Lord. That's the Lord. I'm not looking that close, bro.

Hey, you know what I call that? Living. You need to start living, Thiel. Dude. Get offline. Quit playing with kids and Call of Duty. You're too old for that, bro. Get a cigarette. Go through that Snapchat, and jack off, bro.

That's a night. That's what a grown man does. That's what a grown man does. You just told me to get offline and then get on Snapchat and play Call of Duty, which both things are online. No, not play Call of Duty, dude. You didn't give that shit up. It's fun.

I disagree with some of the military moves that they made, but I don't mind it. You know? But whatever, dude. Let's start this freaking show, man. Let's fucking go, man. Welcome back from Cincinnati, huh? I'm in Indy this week right up the street, you know? Damn, you came here?

It's called the Tough Market Tour, bro. Telly-san, I'm fucking Derek to get a damn map, bro. That's what I said. They book it, man. Fifty Shades of Brown. What up? On tour. Let's do a 20 tour.

That's what I'm going to call it. You got Big Brown. Little Brown. You got Big Brown, Little Brown, and Dangerous Brown. That's right. Bro, look. I've watched this 9-11. I'm just saying this.

I've watched this 9-11 videos. We know who did it, okay? It's not like we think. That's not a conspiracy. It's not like we think the Bugle Boys did it or whatever, the Beagle Boys. You know? We know who did it, fella. Big Brown, Little Brown, Dangerous Brown.

That's the tour, bro. Dangerous Brown, dude. Dangerous Brown That's the tour bro Dangerous Brown He should go by that nickname Oh for sure Before you move on You remember that video game I'm thinking of those aliens You remember that video game

It was an arcade called Area 51 Where you rushed it and then shot the aliens Does anyone remember that? Is that a real video game? Google that shit Derek Yeah video game Area 51 It was identical to what's going on right now You would raid Area 51 as a civilian.

Derek on the Google took him nine minutes to find Barry Larkin, dude. Still eight minutes faster than Chin. Yeah, 2005. Yeah. Really? 2005. They say art imitates life, man, that you make something in an artistic space and it comes alive. That's crazy.

I wonder if the game's any good. What's the rating on it, Derek? Wait, that's on PlayStation. Type in arcade game. I don't know what the fuck that is. It's the same thing, Brandon. No, it's not, bro. Okay.

It came out in 1994. Yeah, and then they remade it for PlayStation. Yeah, but then it gets too serious. Yeah, click on that cover art. What's the year on that? There, the truth is in there. That's the...

Whoops. And you raid the warehouse. You raid Area 51 What's the year on that? There, the truth is in there. That's the, whoops. And you raid the warehouse, you raid Area 51 as a civilian with guns. Atari Games, 1995. Holler at your boy. I went to Aladdin Arcade Games, man. My mom dropped me off there. Some say it was my baby. Really?

Dropped you off in your head? Nah. Just dropped me off. Let's do this, bro. You probably didn't play that game. They probably didn't have it in your town. Oh, dude, we had real ass this, bro. You probably didn't play that game. They probably didn't have any in your town. Oh, dude, we had real ass games, bro. You probably had real ass games.

We used to bet on dogs being born. If they had a dog, if somebody had a dog in heat, you'd get out there and people would lay money on how many babies it was going to have. Yeah. That's cool, man. Oh, dude, my buddy, well, my brother's friend Larry won probably almost $60 one time on a Bichon, had nine babies in it. Damn.

And that's, I mean, nobody would bet that. It's a miracle, really. Well, think of how big a Bichon is, dude. Kind of the Buster Douglas of dogs. Definitely an underdog. Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. That good one, Brendan.

Thanks. But yeah, you wouldn't even think you could fit nine anything in a Bichon. Or anything, really. And Larry won that money over there on McGee Street. Shout out to Larry, dude. Dang, bro. Hopefully he can still count. We'll start with a new segment this week, boys.

A little Clown My Hound. Oh, shit, yeah. We have some new segments, bro. First one sent in. This is Dozer. This is Dozer. And now, what is Clown My Hound, Derek? Can you tell us what it is?

Oh, yeah. Because we're swimming in the dark, brother. Oh, no problem. These are fans sending in their animals, all kinds of animals that they own, for you guys to clown them and rip them up, man. Well, apparently, the homeboy sent in a goddamn panther. What's wrong with this thing? This is Dozer.

This is Dozer. Now, one thing I do know, I don't know a lot on this earth. I know two rivers. We've been over that. Yeah. Still one more than you. Now, one thing I do know, I don't know a lot on this earth. I know two rivers. We've been over that. Yeah. Still one more than you. Here's the thing, though. I do know pups.

Is that a cane corso? They didn't say what it is? That might be a pitty bull. A cane corso, I believe, is a bellator fighter, isn't it? Might be. Yeah, it could be. If it isn't, it probably is going to be next week. There's a lot of, I feel like, is that a dog you're talking about?

That's a dog. Yeah, a King Corso, Italian King Corso. But it looks like two different dogs. That's the same dog on the left? Oh, the same dog, yeah. I don't know. Dude, that's a fucking pit bull. Hold on, bro.

First of all, can we talk about the dog on the right? Okay. It's the same dog. It's the same dog. It's the same dog. Well, sure it is. I don't believe that. I don't believe it at all. Yeah, well, don't tell me it is then and then say you don't believe it.

Well, he just told me it is. Well, why would you believe him? That's a good point. Yeah, dude. Jesus Christ, bro. You're speaking truth, dude. You can't just believe people if they say something that's insane, man. Dude, you're right.

Keep jacking off to Snapchat. You're spinning the truth, bro. You're turning into CNN, man. Dude, you're right. Keep jacking off to Snapchat. You spin the truth, bro. You're turning into CNN, man. It's fucking CNN insane. Dude, look into it. That thing is definitely a panther with a broken leg. That looks like Eddie Bravo, actually, on the left.

If you really want to look into it, bro. Did he say what happened to the pup on the right? He's a year and a half. He's rescued from an abandoned house, and the owner accidentally broke his leg while playing with him. I don't know what that is. That's like when you meet a girl and she has bruises on her neck.

I fell down the stairs. I was juggling with something real heavy. Yeah, right. That's insane. You got domestic abuse. You can see it in his eyes. First of all, how do we know the one on the right? I mean, that thing looks like it's hitchhiking.

Is that a tail? Is that a wiener? Is that a huge? Is that a giant dick out the back? Also, where's the dog? Is the dog in Iraq? Where is that? Zoom out, D.

That ain't America, baby. Unless it's Area 51. Oh, this thing could be area 51 bro this is like this looks like a uh like a heinz 57 in an area 51 you know yeah that i'll tell you right now that boy is thick yeah is that a beefy ribs heinz 57 what's that that's a sauce ain't it that'd be ketchup bro yeah but what's that called? What is it called when they mix a dog? It's like a mixed... A mutt. A mutt.

A mutt. That ain't no mutt. That thing pure... Bro, that thing looks like a... That's a panther, dude. That's an Iraqi panther. It's an Iraqi panther. That's what they use out there to defend their land.

It looks like a lynx fucked a safety cone, dude. Look at the animal, bro. For those of you who are just listening, the animal has one of its entire legs all the way up to the hip in an orange cast, bro. Bright orange cast. Oh, this is one of those off-white pit bulls.

That's what they're doing. Yeah, this thing is mixed, man. This thing's from Seattle because No, that thing's from my rack, bro. Seattle doesn't have that brown fucking dirt. Bro, obviously, Tigger has been fucking outside of his animal element. Bro, in two months, this thing is going to be like, oh. Can we do a Tigger voice?

You kind of look like Tigger a little. Will you do it, Derek? I don't remember how Tigger sounds. I forget Tigger. Yeah. And everybody, the first one to try Tigger is always so brave. Everyone, I'm waiting for someone to remember Tigger and no one said shit. Well, no, that's not it.

That's Igor. Someone play Tigger. Jesus. And then let's see who has the best Tigger. Jesus. God damn. Just fast forward to that goddamn stupid tiger don't climb trees stay awesome come on let's go come on let's go come on let's go that's pretty

good that's not bad come on let's go get to his catchphrase only have a damn catchphrase does he have one no he doesn't have a catchphrase. Clear out of the book. That's good. Oh, Tigger's an old man. That's what that voice is. That ain't no skill. Clear out of the book. Oh, let's go, Winnie the Pooh.

Fuck that thing. Where's my tail? That's my guy. That's your guy? Yeah. The depressed one. Yeah. Dude, if we're characters in Winnie the Pooh, I'm Tigger.

You're that stupid donkey. I'm Eeyore. But Eeyore, I'll say this, badass dude, hammers his tail into his fucking ass every day. With a real nail. Yeah, he does. Here's the thing. Not the bitch ass. Dude's bipolar as shit. That's why?

Dude, he's so depressed. He needs some medication. Yeah, but sometimes they don't show him where he's on vacation and he's having a fucking blast. That makes sense. I just like how this dog on the left, don't send this picture of the dog on the left. The thing on the right is illegal. First of all, the one on the left, what is it fucking, it looks like it got into an argument at a stereo shop or something. Why does it have that finger on its face?

What an idiot. It keeps biting his cast off, apparently. Oh, really? So they give him the cone of shame. That ain't even the same dog. I don't get the shit on my face. Any other facts on this thing? Dude, cone in the front, cone in the back.

This either has a safety cone on its limb, or it has a... What is that, a bite cone? Yeah, pick one, dude. Either wear the cone, or wear the goddamn leg brace. Yeah, this thing looks like it's doing research for, definitely for Sam Tripoli and Eddie Bravo, man. Yeah, it looks like he's trying to get a frequency on the left. Yeah, this thing looks like a Tower 7 safety hunter right here, bro. This thing looks like it's trying to fucking pick up AM radio while it's at work.

It looks like he just signed the petition to fucking rush Area 51 on the left. Yeah, man, this thing with that, it looks like the Horace Grant of animals, bro. This thing has to keep its act together. But yeah, man, obviously the fucking, there's no way this little thot out here on the right with that badass fucking limb. Yeah, there's no way the fucking gargoyle on the right is the same as that fucking, the cone baby on the left. Bro, where'd they get the cast

work done? But also, do better. If you're trying honey duck, it's too better, man. They make the same pup. Bro, this thing is hurt, but still trying to fuck, you know what I'm saying? When you get that beautiful ass orange cast. He'll still protect the land. How's he even

move on that thing? How's he gonna protect the land? Bro, you know how many other animals are gonna to be able to see him with that bright orange cast? That's a front, though. You think you're going to make it on there. They breaks out and rip your dick off. Oh, I could see that. So it's like a bait and switch.

Yeah. I see that. What else we got, D? Wow. What's the animal's name? Did it have a name? Dozer. Whatever, bro.

That sounds like the biggest gay dude at a bathhouse. What do you know about all that brendan about bathhouses about guys named dozer dude that's a great name i'm sure you have three in your fucking phone up next guys we got atlas this is atlas oh wow okay what's going on with that list besides... Tell me something, boy. Yeah, he looks like he's... That's what he looks like. He looks like he's three days away from committing suicide. I'm falling. Tell me something, boy.

Why does he look like that? He looks like he's going through some serious shit. He looks like he just got dumped. He looks like he's going through some serious shit. He looks like he just got dumped. He looks like he's fucking heartbroken. Are you trying to fill that void? Are you looking sad? That's not a line in the song. I'm falling.

Dude, you look like Lady Gaga. In the good times, I'm falling. Did you look like Lady Gaga? In the good times, I find myself smoking in the boys' room. Smoking in the boys' room. How the fuck did you... Lob in there. You look like you sell Lady Gaga's merch

hey what's going on with this let me buy you a drink what song is that I'm gonna take you home with me that song got money in the bank that shit's a banger as soon as I do this show I got money in the bank. That's a banger.

That's the only reason I do this show. Fuck, that's a banger. Can we play that for a second and get the groove in it? Oh, you want to try? Watch your name. Dude, what happened to T-Pain? He pass away from pain or what? Huh? What happened to T-Pain?

The pain got too much. It was just pain at the end. He lost the T and it just turned into pain. Ah, dude. This is the jam. Again, we're so fucking urban, dude. Oh, I'm fucking racial, bro. Look at you, bro.

Welcome to Fifty Shades of Brown again. Dude, we got to buy some guns, bro. You got to hit up a song. That's true, bro. I don't want those Detroit guns. I want those fucking... No, I want that real fucking... Dora Salam guns.

You know what I'm saying, bro? Yeah. That AK-47 Dora Salam. I want those ones that got a little bit of sand in the chamber. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Little turban in the cockpit. Those real hitters.

Those real hitters. Tell me something, boy Boy Are you tired of Tired of Feel that Void This dog's been through a lot, huh? Yeah That dog's seen

Hey, that dog's seen some shit, man Looks like he's seen everything Looks like he's seen All the members in the house get murdered Look at him right now He's not doing well, man Well, no shit He has a thing

Which appears to be at least be a 32 ounce in a bag you know and look at him he's by the door obviously got locked out or left someone doesn't even allow it no people are murdered inside he's the only one that survived no look at him yeah look at his eyes dude his eyes are eyes are so like, dear God. Dear God. He needs Jesus in his life. Yeah, I could agree. He could use a fucking hit of the J, bro. I'll tell you what I like, though, that wet nose.

I love a wet nose on a pup, man. Bro, that's gin on his nose, okay? His nose is probably about 35 proof. Okay, get your act together, man. Jesus Christ, dude. 35 proof? Turned into fucking Scooby-Doo all of a sudden. Zoey Scoop?

Let's get out of here. Where's my wine? Dude, what was the owner of Scooby Doo Why is that motherfucker high all the time Shaggy Dude how do you not get Casted as the live action Shaggy Yoinks

Yoinks Okay this is a fucking Bro you and I have done nine Voices they're all the same Tigger and Scooby sound exactly the same Shout out to this Thanks. Okay. Bro, you and I have done nine voices. They're all the same. Tigger and Scooby sound exactly the same. Shout out to this dog that's seen some murder in its life. What else we got?

All right, boys. Up next, a little debate club. Gang, bring it, bro. Bring that hitter, daddy. That's it for them hounds, huh? Hound down, baby. Hound down. Up first, we got Rob from England.

This is Rob. This is debate. Hey, Rob. This is debate. And I'll see you guys in September over there in Manchester and London and Glasgow. Scotland is free! How's it going? Theo and Brendan. It's Rob here from England.

Just coming up with a debate club question for you guys. The new John Wick film's just come out here recently. It looks pretty good. Looking forward to seeing it. It has got me thinking, who wins in a fight? John Wick or John McClane from Die Hard? Who do you pick?

Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz, gangster. Gang, gang, gang. I haven't seen Die Hard in a hot second. What was his thing? What was his saying in Die Hard? Yippee-ki-yay. Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker.

And he had a wife beater on, and he's just barefoot in jeans the entire movie. And he was Bruce Willis, though. True. Who's the other guy? John Wick is who? Keanu. Keanu Reeves, who's a baller. But here's the thing about Bruce.

A baller? Super baller. Where? Maybe at Dave and Buster's, dude. Okay. Dude, he doesn't miss The Matrix? Keanu, two facial expressions, Reeves, dude. Killing it.

What's Bruce Willis doing? He's playing the same guy in every movie. Dude, Keanu Reeves always looks like he's looking at a menu and hasn't decided what he wants yet. Okay, that's his only move. Bruce Willis is a fucking savage, bro. He did hook up with Demi Moore. Dude, he hooked up with Demi Moore. He hooked up with Ashton Kutcher. He hooked up with... He died hard. He died harder.

He came back. Danny Glover. Then he pulped and fictioned. Yeah, bro. Think of all that he did. God, I would say Mr. Reeves is bigger, though. The Matrix? Okay, Matrix, I agree. John Wick?

Dude, he kills 70,000 people because his dog died. Yeah, well, sounds like he has issues to me. Okay. He might. But here's the thing, John Wick, I feel like he's being pushed onto people. Bruce Willis was a legend, bro.

Die Hard was a legend. Matrix, I'll give you, man. But I don't know if I'm coming up with this. Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure? Okay. That's fine. Where's Ted at? Let's look up Ted.

What's he up to? Ted died. Did he really? No. They were like, hey, we're going to revamp the series. And then you look at both of them and you're like, please don't, though. But please don't, though. But please don't.

Ted Theodore Logan. It looked like Ted went swimming in a fucking pool of meth. What's his name? The other guy's name is Alex Winter. If you remember, he was also in The Lost Boys. He was a vampire. Oh, wow. Remember The Lost Boys?

Great movie. Very good movie. Oh, there he is right there. Alex Winter. So first of all, I'll say this, man. He left his boy by the Oh, wow. Remember The Lost Boys? Great movie. Very good movie. Oh, there he is right there. Alex Winner. So first of all, I'll say this, man. He left his boy by the side, dude. So he obviously, Keanu hadn't brought Alex along with him. What was Alex in last? What was his last film?

Can we look at his IMDb? Bill and Ted's Ex and Adventure. He still might be killing it, though. It was, ooh, just a lot of documentaries. Oh, maybe he's making documentaries now. What's the last movie he did, though? It was Quantum is Calling. It's a TV movie.

Quantum is Calling TV movie. So Keanu left his boy behind. Now Danny Glover still doing big shit. Dude, why bring Danny Glover into this? Because that's Bruce Willis' boy. What's Danny Glover doing? Mel Gibson. You're also thinking of Lethal Weapon. You fuck.

God damn it. Bruce Willis fucked G.I. Jane, bro. Think about that. I'm not thinking about that right now. I'm thinking about what he did to his friends. And he also killed Zed, dude. Who was one of his friends from an early movie? Did he bring his friends along with him?

Bruce Willis? No one. He was always riding solo. He had that dumbass girlfriend in Pulp Fiction. I want the blueberries, if you remember. Whatever, dude. Mel Gibson's a fucking G, bro. Aim small, miss small.

Dude, Mel Gibson's great. We're talking about Bruce Willis. Patriot, one of the 60 best movies ever made, dude. Dude, Mr. Reeves, holla at your boy. 88% of people went with Wick. Fuck yeah, but of course they did. Whatever, man. Blazing Saddles, The Patriot, A League

of Their Own. What else is good, dude? Titanic. Friday, the first one, the other one's fucking dog shit, dude. You know what I'm saying? Two years later and y'all still sitting around the neighborhood, bro. You know what I'm saying? It's time to fucking get a job, bro. And what's the other

movie? Avatar. No, not Avatar, dude. Beautiful Mind. What else we got, Derek? Up next we got Michael Fisher from Toronto. This is still debatable. A lot of international fans, huh? Yeah, a lot of international this week. Wow, look at how... Hold on. I love how

Brendan says international like he's fucking selling some unique secret, you know? A lot of international fans. I'm just saying Toronto and then fucking before it was England. Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, man. I'm being kind of rude.

This guy's in the bathroom. You think Mel Gibson's Danny Glover. It's not Big Bill. Hey, boys. This is Mike Fisher from Toronto, Canada. I'm a huge fan. Theo, Brendan, a serious question for you guys.

When you're on the shitter and you finish your business, do you stand up to wipe or do you lean to wipe? I myself like to stand. Gang, gang, wipe, wipe. Gang, gang, wipe it, wipe it. White people are really...

This is that international shit I was talking about, Tim. This dude's run through the six with a shitty butt. You think you're trying to think Drake, you're wrong. I think of guys like this with maple syrup. Bro, this guy looks just like Drake, first of all. Let's be realistic, dude. You need new glasses, dude. Really?

Have you seen Drake recently? Drake's pretty white, bro. Is he? Yeah. I guess, man. Drake's way more white than black, dude. Bro, the toughest thing that ever happened to him is he borrowed his uncle's car and he barely got it back to him. Remember that?

Well, his mom's white, right? And his dad's black. Mom's Jewish, yeah. Yeah. He said his dad is black. He's like Derek. Would you consider Derek white or black? Oh, Derek is definitely, he's a real blackadactyl, bro.

Blackadactyl, baby. Derek has some ethnicity in him. He's from Memphis. Right. Okay. He's pretty black. Drake also. Drake's from...

Well, he grew up in, like, born in Toronto, then grew up in Memphis, then went back to Toronto. I didn't know that. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He grew up in Memphis? Hold up. Oh, wow.

I didn't know that. Same guy. I don't know. Drake comes off to me a lot whiter. To me. I don't know. What do you guys think? Let's hit the culture corner.

What do we even know, Brendan? We don't know anything about black people. I mean, to be fair... Yeah, you keep Brendan? We don't know anything about black people. I mean, to be fair. Yeah, you keep denying that you're a big Mexican guy to people. My tour's called Fifty Shades Brown, so I don't know what you're talking about. To be fair, I don't think he knows what he is either. He's going through a Jamaican phase right now. Is he?

Yeah. Yeah, that's what happens when you fuck Rihanna. True. Very true. That's true. I'd start speaking Jamaican too. Dang it. But wiping the butts. What do you guys think? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. But wiping the butts.

What do you guys think? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Mr. Fisher, thanks for reaching out, man. You seem like a good guy. And this guy's from Toronto. He's running through the six, bro. I'm about to put some tour dates up for Toronto, man.

I got to get up there. Me too, man. We should go to Montreal and do a show together. I agree. That'd be fun. That'd be cool, huh? That'd be cool. Have you been to Montreal?

Just for that festival. But I don't like... I'm not doing festivals. No, no, no. They r be fun. That'd be cool, huh? That'd be cool. Have you been to Montreal? Just for that festival. I'm not doing festivals. No, no, no. They rake you. Yes. We'll go up there ourselves. Yeah. I'd love to go to Montreal.

I just wonder if people will come out of Montreal, you know? Toronto's great. Toronto's great. I've never done shows in Montreal, though. I want to go up there, man. I love Canada. Don't go up there in the winter. Coldest place I've ever been.

I'll go in the winter, dude. Fuck that. I ain't doing it. I'm not afraid of that stuff, dude. I'm on season six of Game of Thrones right now, dude. So I ain't no hope. The white wall, bro. Huh?

The white wall. Yeah. Don't tell me. Don't tell me. Dude, if you don't finish it. Don't say anything. One month or one July. If you don't finish it by August, I'm going to spoil the entire thing.

What month is it right now? One July. You have 45 days. Okay. All right. Fair enough. You have 45 days. Okay. All right. Fair enough. You have a unique calendar. Mr. Fisher, here's what I say, dude.

Wipe your butt, bro. I don't care how you do it. I don't care if you do it sitting down, standing up. I don't care if you jump right in the shower that's next to you, dude. Dude, get a bidet. You're in Toronto, bro. Get that water fountain and shoot your asshole. Or get a bidoberman.

Get that dog from the first pick with that cone around his face. He looks like he's ready to freaking wash some butt. He ain't going nowhere with that limp leg. Take care of yourself, dude. Either way, man. Hey, does it matter? Does it? As long as you get it done,

bro. You're going to get some pink eye. You're going to get some dine time and your up time. You know what I'm saying? So you're going to end up in Pittsburgh, brother. So what I'm saying is take care of your butt. If you're emailing two guys on the internet to find out what you got to do with your b-hole. This ain't Craigslist, bro. You ain't looking for a glory hole. Come on, bro.

Figure it out, man. Too old to be asking us this. Yeah, but shout out Mr. Fisher drinking that Bush Light. Is that a Canadian beer? Is Bush Canadian? Nah, Milwaukee. It sure is, man. Too old to be asking us this. Yeah, but shout out Mr. Fisher drinking that Bush Light. Is that a Canadian beer? Is Bush Canadian? Nah, Milwaukee. It sure is, bro. Oh, it is Milwaukee.

Looks like you're sipping across the border, bro. Drink something local. You got all that clean beer up there, daddy. Yeah, don't be a traitor and clean your asshole, bro. Yeah, bro, and fill your frickin' front hole with a Molson, daddy. Stay woke, brother. Preach. And thank you for sending that in, Mr. Fisher.

Yeah, thank you. That was fun. thank you for sending that in, Mr. Fisher. You seem like a good guy, man. Thank you. 71% of people lean. Said he should be drinking lean? Have you ever tried lean? Have you ever tried lean? I've had a little before bed. Is it nice? I want some so bad.

Oh, dude. I'm super thirsty for lean. I'm going to Houston in like two months. Oh. I want to get lean and hit the stage. Dude, you got to do a behind the scenes Brendan does lean video. Yeah. I'm just going to come out with tattoos on my face looking like Lil Wayne.

Well, tell his son to get like an AK-47 that also does videography. And that way you could film a... That's a good idea, dude. Brendan does lean behind the scenes. Fifty Shades of Brown behind the Lean. Real documentary. Lean Brown. Lean up. Big Brown gets Lean.

My mouth waters when I talk about Lean, though. Really? Yeah. A little sprite. A little scissor. Oh, yeah. A little fucking... Shuffle it up. Oh, bro, put on some David Banner, son, and change your life, son. Mr. Sip Bay! Attention! Little fucking Shuffle it off Oh bro Put on some David Banner Son And change your life son Oh Mississippi Attention

Oh dude You're just Killing Remake Remake Remake Remake Remake

Remake Remake Remake Remake Remake Remake Remake Remake

Remake Remake Remake Remake What about some Paul Wall David Banner's a legend bro He is He passed away right

No he didn't Why do I think everyone died? He's heavy on Instagram. If you're going to do lean, though, it's Paul Wall, right? In Houston? Oh, yeah. Don't you know him? Paul Wall?

Yeah. The people's champ. Dude, I met him one time at a urinal, honestly, dude. Oh, yeah? He was in there, and I was in there, and I knew it was him. And I told him I knew it was him. That was it. He had that grill, and I was like, Paul Wall, baby. I'm the people's champ. That was it. He had that grill and, oh,

oh, I'm the heat little hemp. Do you think he stays on that? Is he still rocking the grill and like riding around with like spinners and shit? Oh yeah, he still makes grills.

Yeah. He's a legend. He's done a lot of producing, right? Oh yeah. Big time, especially down in South Texas. He's that silent killer.

He's like Emphazima, dog. He's fucking, he's doing it behind the scenes. You don't know until it's too late. Yeah. You don't know until it's too late. Yeah. You don't know until it's too late, and the next thing you know, Paul Wall's a billionaire. Yeah.

Give me some lean, though. What else you got? Up next, new segment, boys. Lil Punk, my uncle. It's Punk's amongst. Oh, wow. So instead of Flop My Aunt, it's Punk My Uncle? People are sending in their uncles this time for you guys to rip them up.

And let me get clear here, Derek. In the urban community, punk has like a different meaning to it. Yeah, it could mean a lot of things. Oh, what's it mean? It could mean someone of a gayer descent. A punk is someone who likes the way the dick tastes. Yeah. Interesting, because a punk in our culture,

don't lie, let's be real here. In our culture, chill out on the whole ethnic thing. Hey, come on. So in our culture, it's kind of like a bitch. You're a punk. Yeah.

Punk bitch. You don't have to put them together, okay? That's what we did in Aurora. There's some punk bitches listening who just want to be one. Would you rather be a punk or a bitch? I'd rather be kind of a little bit of a punk, I think. Me too. Because punk anything can happen.

You're a little punk. And you use a punk to light fireworks. That's the thing. Where I'm from, a punk is something they use to light fireworks. That little thing, you know. Oh, yeah. Where you light that little stick. It's like almost an incense stick but just for fireworks. It's incense with no scent in it. Yeah. And you light that and it lights

the fireworks. Oh, bro, when you pour, you like to just smell something burning, bro. It's only rich people that are like, oh, let's put cinnamon in it. Let's make this lavender. How about we just smell the fire? That's the best thing about being poor is just burning shit in your yard, bro.

Nobody calls the cops. Rich people, that's a fire. Poor people, it's just, hey, dog, let's burn this shit. Let's burn this bitch down. Yeah, I prefer punk, though. Let's get this bitch down yeah I prefer punk though let's get into it though but punk could be

a gay person yeah yeah they used to say yeah I've never heard that I don't know if still younger people use it no that's definitely

like an older black people yeah I would hear it sometimes in Mississippi when I was growing up people would say I didn't know that this is you learned something

with you guys oh yeah they say big mic a punk he over there by the juke joint, and he getting wild with those fellas. That's what I would hear. Oh, wow. And I used to do yard work with Big Mike, dude, and he never hit on me, bro. And we'd get on the riding lawnmower, and actually, he would take his shirt off and

let me fucking ride on his back. Oh, you a punk. I don't know what I was. You were Big Mike's punk. That's what it sounds like. It sounds like Big Mike rode the lawnmower while you rode his back. Well, I wasn't old enough to drive it, but I would fucking ride on his back. That'd be fun when you're young.

Oh, like an L.L. Bean, bro. I was on his back. Just like a fucking book holder, bro. Like a camelback. Yeah. And he would just sip water out of me. I would just spit water into his mouth every now and then. No, he'd just sip the sweat.

When he was thirsty. That Theo Camelback. Dude, that's funny. I forgot about him, man. That's thick sweat, bro. Yeah. We used to sip water out of me. I would just spit water into his mouth every now and then. No, he'd just sip the sweat. When he was thirsty. That Theo Camelback. Dude, that's funny. I forgot about him, man. That's thick sweat, bro. Yeah. We used to work together. Shout out to Big Mike.

And he was homosexual, and he passed away, actually. From the AIDS? I don't know what happened, dude. I think he got tired of being alive, too. He worked a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. But he had the biggest afro I've ever seen, dude.

And we used to get on that riding lawnmower, bro. And we'd cut in about 20 acres in a riding lawnmower. It'd take us, no joke, a week, bro. Would you get paid? So we'd be out there. Yeah, we got paid. Or you just did it for the companionship with Big Mike. This ain't like, now you're making it sound like a real early rural episode of Robin Big.

Sounds like a southern Robin Big going on here, but you didn't get paid. But it was cool, man. That sounds like driving Miss Daisy. He was driving me. He was driving Mr. Little Dumbass. That's what it would be called. Driving the punk.

Yeah, driving Little Dumbass, a real punk off. Well, let me see this punk-ass uncle. Okay. All right, up first, this is Troy. This is Uncle Troy. Oh, Troy, a punk name, too. Yeah, Troy that. Troy out of here.

This is Troy and his wife, Tammy. Nothing better than white people dancing. Look at that drumette she's got, too. Are they on a cruise? No, they're just in their house, man. They're just in their house getting crunk. So Troy loves golf, listens to Drake. Mm-hmm.

Oh, yeah. Then he's just like Drake, basically. Then, dude, he, okay. Yeah, he put like skulls. He is Drake. basically than duty. Yeah, he put like skulls. He is Drake.

Drake is obviously the defense for us on how white Drake is. This guy's way too happy for me. There's nothing ever gone wrong in his life. You don't dance to Too Legit in 2019 without just life being good like that. Play that again for me. I've never danced this happy in my life.

The leg lift gives it away. Oh, yeah. Dude, this guy's never gotten a parking ticket, bro. Oh, that's your move, Brendan. Dude, you have a lot of very similar moves to Troy. You talking about white moves, bro? Yeah, we do. This guy's balling.

I'll tell you that right now this guy's living life it's obviously he's out there with his wife she gots a little biscuit or something in her hand clearly a ponzi scheme going on he's too happy you know what i'm saying like you just just encountered a shitload of money and didn't get caught that's the vibe i get it he definitely could be you know sneaking an extra callaway club in his bag. He dances a little too good for a man that's 100% straight, I think. I agree. There's a little sugar in his tank if you catch my drift.

But I like the way his legs and arms are exactly the same type of appendage, it seems like. If you look at his leg-arm combo, it's almost like a mirror image of one another. And so that allows you a certain, you know, when you dance, it's just like your body's just doing one fluid motion. I'd assume they're in maybe Florida. I'd also assume that this isn't the first time they've put on some MC to the hammer and dance like this because they're in sequence. Yeah.

With the leg lifts, the short jeans, everything. They're having fun. This is 4th of July. This is when their kids see them and be like, oh, mom and dad are in love. They're having a good time. They're still doing the damn thing. Yep. Good.

Shout out to them. T-Roy. Shout out to T-Roy and Tammy. T-Squared. T-Squared. Were you MC Hammer fan or Vanilla Ice? You had to pick one. You can't be a fan of both.

Remember, they hated each other. They did? Oh, yeah. How? Well, they're each other. They did? Oh, yeah. How? Well, they were just enemies, you know? Why, though? Because they were both killing the charts. And they both had baggy pants on.

Zumba pants. I sat next to him on an airplane one time. Next to who? Next to Hammer. He used to be my manager. Did he really? Wow. He was the nicest.

Super nice. Yeah. Really neat man, actually. Smart man. Really smart guy, yeah. I was shocked at how just how much more than just a musician. But then it also kind of made sense. It was like, oh, he kind of had these hits.

I mean, he had some bad business, though, apparently, though. He just loved too many people. It seemed like he was paying everybody. He had a squad of 150 people. If he even met you, he'd give you a job. He met you, he just gave you a job. He met you. He just gave you a hundred grand up front. I did nothing but say hi.

He's like, I know that's, you're on the payroll. He was basically the first Bernie Sanders. Really was. Wanted to just get rid of everyone's debt. He was socialism, dude.

That's all he's trying to do. Yeah. And look, it didn't pan out, but. No, it did. Here's the thing.

We talked to him. He's like, I was like, damn, you were broke. Cause we got close. I was like, damn,

you're broke. He was, I was MC Hammer broke. I was like, damn, you were broke? Because we got close. I was like, damn, you were broke? He goes, I was MC Hammer broke. I was still living in a mansion. I was still driving Ferraris. I was MC Hammer broke. I'm not like broke like everyone says. He's also one of the first investors in Facebook. Homeboy's.

He was balling. He was going to some big conference. Still balling. With rich people. Whenever I met him, he was going to a conference. But he was nice as could be, man. He was like as humble and normal of a person as I could have met. Oh, he's nice.

He has some great stories. Oh, yeah. Dude, he told me a story about... It's so funny you said that, man. I forgot about that. The best stories, especially about Tupac. This is right when Prince had died. So he said that one time he was on Tough Times and he needed to shoot a video and they didn't

have a place or something. Prince was on Tough Times. One of them was on Tough Times and he needed to shoot a video and they didn't have a place or something. Prince was on Tough Times. One of them was on Tough Times. Probably Prince. And the other one had him said, you can come and shoot it at my place. And next thing you know, like 35 people showed up and stayed at the other person's house for like three weeks and shot a rap video. Wow. A little fact for you, I was in the Empty Hammer music video.

Were you really? Yep. Is that true? I mean, I... And how are we not looking for the video for you, I was in an MC Hammer music video. Were you really? Yep. Is that true? I mean, I... And how are we not looking for the video for that? I'm not trying to be funny. Unbelievable that everybody's about to lose their job. I'm in it for a hot second. I'm not in the back dancing. I thought I'd be in it dancing, but I'm clearly not.

Oh, dude, you were in it for a hot second, bro. You know what song it was? Yeah, you definitely fucking remember. How are you thinking about it, dude? You don't know which MC Hammer video you were in. for a hot second, bro. You know what song it was? Yeah, you definitely fucking remember. How are you thinking about it, dude? You don't know which MC Hammer video you were in? I was in a bunch of videos, dude. What? I think it's called Run, Run, Run, MC Hammer, Run.

Oh my God, dude. You couldn't get any fucking weirder, bro. Were you in an MC Hammer video? No, bro. You met him in a bathroom stall. I wasn't because I'm... You met him and Paul Wall in a bathroom stall. wasn't because i'm you met him and paul wall in a bathroom stall and listen you know what i got questions bro i get some questions oh dude

well you don't have any answers meeting all these people in the stalls you got questions you guys better run that's me that's the jay-z diss video dude i mean this is so stupid i'm in for like for like a second. You're a video vixen, dude. I'm not like dancing. Yeah, I'm a video vixen. Who cares, bro? It's obvious, dude, that you have fucking had the weirdest career of anyone. Ever.

We've ever met. What are you in next? Amistad? How much weirder could it get, Brendan? Then you chasing a couple black guys in the woods. This looks illegal. You're not giving me how to show it, D. Okay. Where are you? Right there. Oh, that's d okay yeah where are you right there oh that's cat williams there i am right there

yep right that's mc hammer that's me in the back but i start going yeah bro will you stop so we can all feel what it's like to realize you were in this video? What do you feel right now? You're stepping on it, bro. Let's go to the culture corner, man. I don't know how to feel right now. Dude, this is crazy. And what do you mean by crazy?

I would like to know a little bit more about this. Like, cool. Hold on, sir. Did my street factor go up? You've done enough. I'm cool. We've seen the video. There's hold on, sir. Did my street factor go up? You've done enough. I'm cool? We've seen the video. There's you behind Cat Williams.

That's MC Hammer! Is that really? Yes! Well, this is when he was smoking Cat Williams at the time because he is very Cat Williams in this picture. All right. Derek, why don't you interview your buddy here? Bro, I think this is the blackest shit you've ever done, dog. This is dope as fuck.

Thanks, bro. Thanks, man. Give it up, bud. Don't touch me, dude. But keep touching me. Thanks, man. I don't know how to feel about this. I have conflicting feelings.

Thank you. It makes sense. Thank you for saying that. I have no words. Who does, though? It's cool, though. It's cool, I guess. Thank you. Oh, I'm sorry. Who does though? Thank you. Oh, I'm sorry. Who else has been in the MC Hammer video?

Nobody, alright? Yeah, I was in a Bad Baby music video, you freaking piece of shit. That's right, and you played a pedophile, bro. No, I played a curious adult. You played a pedophile. Listen, Bad Baby ain't shit compared to MC Hammer. She's

the MC Hammer of today, you goon. No, at least he can dance. MC Hammer didn't get famous off fucking Dr. Phil saying, catch me outside. It's MC Hammer, you fuck. Bro, I agree, dude.

You're the one who's standing behind him like you're trying to sell him at an auction, bro. This is the saddest piece of videography I've ever seen, dude. And I do not condone this kind of shit. I want to say that. But you'll do that bad baby video where you're a pedophile? I was a curious adult, Brendan, okay, who was misled by the fucking society. Hey, let's do this. Let's have the fans vote what's cooler

MC Hammer video or Bad Barbie or whatever the fuck it's called have the fans vote on it put that up Kat there's a great outtake that has never been released of they're like say whatever you want to Bad Baby right now right we're gonna do this and I was like you crazy fucking wigger that's what I called her

oh my god they didn't use that right they didn't use it but I have the video Crazy fucking wigger. That's what I called her. Oh, my goodness. They didn't use that, right? They probably didn't use it, but I have the video. I made sure that one of them came up. I love it. I love it. I just think it's too, like.

It's too spot on? Oh, yeah, that's true. Why? You just think it's too on the nose, Theo? And they're like, hey, bro, no. You talentless wigger. I know. They went, well, we. You talentless wigger. I know. They went, well, we can't use that, Theo. We definitely, why?

Because you're speaking fast. It's too factual, yeah. Too factual. We really should put that up, though. We really should maybe put that up. You definitely should. That's hilarious. What was the, where were we?

We're on Punk, who was Punk-ass Uncle Unso? We got the next, we got one more uncle. This is, he's sitting sending a bunch of his uncles. This is Gabriel Saavedra and his family. Ooh. Okay. Now, here's the thing, boys. Damn, the Newcastle Jersey Shore looks fun.

Two of these uncles are gay. Oh, yeah. Oh, they want us to pick the gays? Yeah, which one do you think it is? Oh, hell yeah, dude. It's the punk. Hold on. Hold on.

I have a couple questions before we start. Yeah. Brennan's all hyped up to pick gays. Yeah. Do my the punk. Hold on. Hold on. I have a couple questions before we start. Yeah. Brennan's all hyped up to pick gays. Yeah. I might do my gay radio. I got all their names. I got everything. Do you know who is gay?

I know who, yes. Okay. Does Kat know? Okay. So let's get some picks across the board here. Okay. I'll just know. Let me sniff out the punk.

I'm going to say the bald one. Do you want me to say all their names? Yes. Yes. So we got Mama on the punk. I'm going to say the bald one. Do you want me to say all their names? Yes. Yes. We got Mama on the left. This is his mom. Far left's Mama. Far left's Mom.

Then right here we got Uncle Joey. The second one in. It's left to right. Uncle Joey, second one in. Then we got Uncle Tony. Joey sucks germs. This is Grandma. Then Aunt Cassandra next to Grandma.

Then we got Uncle Augie. Oh, Augie will lick your asshole. Uncle Christian. Uncle Christian's next to Augie. This is easy. Oh, Christian, dude. Good chance there. And then Uncle Paul here to the far right.

Dude, Christian looks like he'll show up to the same stall Theo met Paul Wall with. Dude, I'm going with Augie, the bald one, for sure. And then I think homeboy second in with the hookah shells in the back there. Oh, now you go, Theo. Uncle Joey. Oh, you got Joey. Okay. I got Joey and then the bald one with the sleeve.

I like your boy fucking Tony with that smoke eye. He's wearing that smoke eye. He's wearing that smoke eye. Which one? Smokey eye. Which one's that? Tony. The far right? Yeah, Tony is...

No, Paul's on the far right. Paul's the one who put a couple of ricottas, a couple of manicotti in front of you and then sneak around your booty while you snack. He's obviously a chef, dude. Look at him. He's jacked. What ethnicity are they?

I'm pretty sure they're all... I mean, the last name's Savidra. So S-A-A-V-I-D-R-A. Algerian, maybe? Yeah. They don't look a Latino, though. They're not Mexican, no. Not at all.

No. But they got some flavor. So just give me the two you think are punks, Theo. I mean, I would like to call them gay friends. First of all. Well, the same is called punk my own. So it's just punks. Okay.

And they're literally going for punk my own. Tell me which one likes sweet and low in their iced tea. Oh, I'll tell you which. I mean, the one guy's been in prison, the guy with the full arm tattoo all the way down to the wrist. That's why I think he's down. Uncle Augie. But the one on the left, he has his arm on the woman.

That's his wife, obviously. So you got to be careful. The mom is there holding the young son. I'm going with Tony, number two. Right here with the checkered shirt? Yep, I'm going with the checkered shirt. And who else? Tony, bro.

He brought that checkered shirt, so he's ready to throw a picnic on his back. You feel me, dude? I feel you. A little mayonnaise in the ass. He's ready to pick Nick and have him come over. And then I'm going with my boy Hardy Pauly on the right, bro. He'll fucking put that bolognese in front of you, dude. Are you talking about the wife beater bandit?

Yeah. No, no, no. On the right, Brendan. The big guy on the right, on his chain. Oh, the biggest dudeater bandit? Yeah. No, no, no. On the right, Brendan. The big guy on the right. On his chain. Oh, the biggest dude on the right. Yeah. All right.

Yeah. The right. Who's right? Uncle Paulie. My right. Sorry, sorry. My right. Who is right?

Hold on. Because you said Tony. Kat didn't guess. Kat, do you want to guess? Kat? Sure. I think it's Christian and the spicy guy, Fieri-looking one. So you think it's Christian and Paul spicy Guy Fieri looking one. So you think it's Christian and Paul?

Yes. Just point me which one. I don't know their fucking names. Okay. Big one. Just tell us their names. Well, yeah. I don't remember the entire family of 19 names.

It's Tony, Paul, Christian. Oh, yeah? Which one's Christian on there? Huh? Which one's Christian? Christian is the one with no sleeves. The wife beater? Yeah.

Yep. Give it up, dude. All right. You guys want to know? Yeah. Give it up, dude. Alright, you guys want to know? Yeah. Do not touch me anymore. But keep touching me. Gay Uncle Joey in the back with the hookah shells. Wow. With the glasses. He's one. Well, he's gay. And then Gay Uncle Christian

with the sleeves. Without the sleeves. With the tank top. Wow. You don't even know anymore, dude. The tank top? Yeah, it's Christian. I thought he was a Marine. He is. You don't even know anymore, dude. The tank top? Yeah, it's Christian. I thought he was a Marine. Yeah. He is. You don't know.

He could be. He's both. I don't know. Don't ask, don't tell. It's crazy now, man. But I'm asking. Please tell. What is going on?

I can't tell. The one up for the hookah shots. Come on, fellas. That's so easy. But the one there flexing on us with the good body and the wife beater, he just looks like he's out to play maybe a pickup game. Maybe throw the ball around. Oh, he is.

I don't know, he wanted to share some Kool-Aid and get busy in the back. You feel me? Well, maybe he doesn't want sex, Brandon. Maybe he just wants to meet somebody and spend some time with someone. See, that's how you get caught in them stalls with Paul Wall. We should have a gay military, I think. First of all, completely separately. Let them fight Barcelona all the time, dude, and just party at the clubs.

They would love it. It's not a bad idea. Take a trip to Ibiza. Shoot them up. How great would that be? I took a trip to Ibiza. We should have a gay military that just travels around the world and just parties. Yeah, and then fucks the town.

You know what they're called? Spartans, Theo. That's what they used to do. Whatever, dude. I'm believing a piece of history out of you. Ask your mom. Let's keep it moving. Alright, boys, we got one relationship advice from you. I feel like we're really helping the nation

with this stuff. You do? Yeah, I remember the last dude who was smoking weed with his wife. We gave him just dimes. What is this relationship advice? Kat, why don't you help us out? Start off here with this. What is it? I haven't played the video yet. Okay, sorry. Well, I just want a female perspective. I'm tired

of listening to this. A real female perspective. I'm tired of listening to this big bitch over here. Yeah, this punk gets his relationship advice from Snapchat. Yeah, well, I already eliminated it from my phone. All right, boys. Up first, we got Lindsey Miller.

This is Lindsey Miller asking for some relationship advice. Who's sophisticated, girl? We got that lens crafting. Hey, guys. This is Lindsey out of Illinois. I had a relationship question for you. I've been dating this guy for about six years now, and we just separated about a week and a half

ago um long story short he has issues with financial stability um which i take very seriously and i have issues personally with a bad attitude i'm not the friendliest person in the world but we do love each other dearly we believe that we're soulmates um we don't want to be with anybody else but we just can't seem to get along meet in the middle on things yeah because he's broken a bad mood all the time because we do love each other so much that we should just let it be that and be together um or if each of our issues we should take seriously. And maybe soulmates, just because we're soulmates doesn't mean that we're meant to be together. You know, sometimes stuff doesn't work out.

So I want to know your opinion on it. And thanks for listening. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz, girl. Like the purple nail polish. I love Illinois, man. One of my favorite places in the whole world. I like Illinois, Australia. favorite places in the whole world i like illinois australia um i think yeah you might want to just take some time apart and figure out maybe what's going on on your own end i think a little time

apart could give you probably some perspective you know sometimes or for myself i find when i'm in a relationship or i'm in a close-knit proximity with someone sometimes i get so i can't even see what's going on because i'm just in there it's like i don't know what's going on you step outside the box yeah it's like i don't know if i'm upset at them for him said it if i'm upset at me like i don't really know where my issues are so i think taking some time apart would probably be good and look these days if you have somebody that's a best friend like you could make a relationship out of that like not if you're in a cheap ass box here's what's going on with her.

Sounds like they've been good for six years. Homeboy's never found a job. So she's frustrated with it. You tell me homeboy hasn't found a job in six years. Maybe just lazy. Maybe that's why you're frustrated. Yeah. Maybe he's a punk.

Well, I mean, yeah. One of you, you can't be the only breadwinner. Cause you're going to probably end up having some resentments against him. Or maybe he wants to be a sugar baby. Some people want to be sugar babies.

Everyone thinks just women want to be sugar babies. Dudes like to be sugar baby punks. Oh, yeah. That's true. They got them baby punks. Sugar baby punk. So maybe if you could start a small business, give him a job. Dude, start driving Uber.

Yeah. Has he tried that? Well, there's probably some opportunity out there for him. But yeah, if you're angry, obviously, if you're upset, either you're upset at him or something's just not making you happy. But I'd figure out what that is. Especially if you're soulmates. Money doesn't break up soulmates. You know what I'm saying?

Well, she says that they still want to be soulmates, Brendan. Yeah, but it looks like you're looking for an expensive soulmate. You feel me? Well, I mean, you can't have a soulmate that's just eating all the snacks and doing all of the cheese slices by themselves, and you don't have anything left. Yeah, you got to split up them dunkaroos, baby. Yeah, you need a snackmate.

You need somebody to contribute to the snack pool. Yep, get them gushers, get the fruit by the foot. Yeah, but... Good luck. Maybe just take a little bit of space and figure it out. Step outside the box, even if it's a cheap-ass box. But you've got to accept him, too. If he doesn't want to get a job and you're going to be with him,

then don't hold it against him every day that he doesn't have a job. Yeah, if he wants to be lazy Larry, let him do his thing. You signed up for it. Right, yeah, you just have to... At some point, it's not fair for you to be like, you don't have a job every day. Then you're just having him stay around so you could be kind of rude maybe to him. Yeah, if you come home from your 9 to 5 and he's making forts every day playing fucking Call of Duty, be cool.

That's what you signed up for. If he's eating fucking Teddy Grahams. Dude, that sounds like the life now that I think of it. That's why I'm laughing so hard. This guy's awesome. Be cool, lady. Yeah. Be fucking cool.

What else you got? Well, let's go over to an actual female, Brendan. Not this, you know, an actual female. I mean, after six years, I think she's just mad that he isn't contributing. I think he doesn't have a job or he doesn't have a higher paying job. He's Lazy Larry. Exactly. But after six years, you got to know whether you want

to be with that for for the next like 20 30 years or if you need to find someone else being a soul mate is great but at the end of the day you're gonna resent them if they don't pool their share but what's it tell you about if your soul mate's lazy as fuck what's it tell you if your soul mate's oscar the grouch but also you can't just be mean to him every day. Maybe, does she get off on that? Because some girl, I feel like some people, I shouldn't say girl, but some people do like to have like a punching bag to come home to,

regardless of what he's trying to do. Because, I mean, maybe he's trying his very best. He's not doing enough in her eyes. Maybe she's smoking cigarettes playing Call of Duty late at night. Yeah, well, maybe. And open up Snapchat looking at booty holes. Maybe that's why she's smoking cigarettes playing Call of Duty late at night. And open up Snapchat looking at booty holes. Maybe that's why she's an asshole.

Yeah, well, maybe they still live in an apartment. Okay? And they don't live in a fancy house that has a pool and extra sinks. Well, maybe they should get their shit together because they can. Yeah, maybe they can't, you delinquent. You a punk.

Wow, mean guy. Well, can we go through the application? She needs to quit being mean. Can we go through the co-host applications again? For nice person? See if anybody put that on their application. Not this deviant who said he went to college. Nobody's ever heard of it.

Manchester State? What in the fuck was that, man? Jesus Christ, man. It sounds like you and fuck was that, man? Jesus Christ, man. It sounds like you and her should get together. Oh, whatever, man. Get a job, okay? Get a job. You bandwagon fan is not a job, dude.

A bandwagon fan doesn't pay the bills. Yeah, dude. You can't build forts and eat fucking Teddy Grahams every afternoon, bro. What's that, your Zion Williamson jersey just came in? Oh, wow. And it's tight, too Williamson jersey just came in? Oh, wow. And it's tight, too? Yep. That's yours. It's a medium. All right, let's get to the end

of this, dude. I can't stand this. Dude, I can't deal with him anymore. All right, boys, we got one king in her stinger, and then we'll wrap it up. This is from Moses from Las Vegas. This is Moses from Vegas. Moses? Gang, gang, bro, and hold on a second. Does he know us all straight out of L.B.

let's go daddy here we go hey Brendan hey Theo this is Moses coming at you from Pahrump the meth capital of Nevada I got a king in there

stinging for you brothels it's that chicken ranch right there boy let me know Theo I'll see you in Vegas in August for you. Brothels. It's that chicken ranch right there, boy. Ooh. Let me know. BL, I'll see you in Vegas in August. Gang bang, bust, bust, boy.

Gang bang. Gang bang, bust, bust. That's them brothels. I have no problem with a brothel, bro. Really? Now, why would you? How's it any different than getting a massage? You're just massaging my cock. You know what I'm saying? It's just a part of skin is skin.

Yeah. It's all good. If a girl wants to make a good living like that, it's all good. Oh, I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I don't like, a lot of brothels don't feel as disinfected to me as other establishments. Well, they don't have an A outside the building. Yeah. It's usually like a C. Yeah.

If you go inside of a bank, I feel like there's like a teller, the pens are chained up. You need a little more professional. Yeah. Yeah. I want that higher end, I guess, the brothel. Go to the Bunny Ranch, baby. Yeah. That's where Lamar Odom spent all his money.

Oh, yeah. That's crazy, man. They almost killed him over there. He was hopped up on that cocaine, too. Cocaine is too much dick suck dude bro the last place i want to be doing cocaine is out in the desert and those high temps bro i'm more about maybe outside of lansing michigan i'll do some cocaine you know and drink that brown water oh dude we have 50 shades of brown you've seen their water yeah dude i was hanging out with

daddy uh damn long neck this weekend bro oh you were, bro. Oh, you were? And he's from there, yeah. And that's where it was? He's from Michigan, yeah. Damn, you hang out with some talented people, man. Damn long, bro. Damn long and then bad baby. You're just doing the damn thing. I'm proud of you, dude.

I'm doing the damn long thing, bro. No wonder you're mean to people. Bro, look, man. A lot of rats in the world, boy. And they need a king you're looking at him feels lost all this guy asking about no i haven't dude here's the thing brothels fuck yeah especially if they're well ran also cops don't be a cock block man i don't need you raiding them if i'm in there don't hate on people let the women get their monies let me bust my nuts i work for

this cash yeah and these schlubby reporters who are lonely-ass bitches and they want to write articles. Oh, Bobby Kraft shouldn't be getting nutted out over here after the Super Bowl. Get the fuck out of here. If anyone's earned it, it's Bobby Kraft. Let him get his dick sucked in Palm Beach, Florida after the Super Bowl. He owns the place. And he only got a handjob. And if someone's working there who's not been been brought in on like a train or like you

know as long as not sex slave yeah then let them work you know what i'm saying let them work you know i mean i don't see why if a woman's a prostitute she could be president like it doesn't matter like who cares she's doing it she's doing a great job let her do what she wants to do man you know these schlubby reporters who have never gotten any hand jobs or even given one. Go solve a real case. But that ain't it. Breaking news. Go solve a real case.

Dude's busting nuts paying for it. Yeah, no shit. Fucking, it's these Twitter fucking Muppets. What I'm saying is get out there like my boy Payne Lindsey and solve a real ass murder, dude. You know, gang, bro. Get me out of this shit. King brothels. Get me the fuck out of here.

But obviously King brothels, baby. Yeah, get me out of this before Brendan puts on another jersey of somebody else that just did something amazing. Get me out of here before Theo fucking hooks up with some other famous Instagram person to try and get followers. What else we got? Well, you're- Between long neck?

Who's next, dude? Who's next? A bad Barbie video? It we got? Well, you're doing long neck. Who's next, dude? Who's next? A bad Barbie video? It's damn long neck, you idiot. Doesn't matter. He won't be around in a week. A week, bro? He's been around for fucking 19 years.

Not really until you fucking brought him back out. He's 19 years old. Is he really? Yeah. He's an interesting dude, man. Kind of. He's just a kid, man. He's such a kid. Do you suck on his neck's just a kid, man. He's such a kid.

Do you suck on his neck? Huh? No, I don't do anything like that. Do you guys meet together in a fucking closed area again? No shit. The craziest thing, I roll up to the improv, right? Him and his, like, he has some squirrels that he hangs out with, right? You think?

You're talking about the mutants that hang around him? Dude, it's basically like Barnum and Bailey Circus. It's like the new circus, right? Who's the fat guy that hangs around? Oh, I don't know. That guy's, to like Barnum and Bailey Circus. It's like the new circus, right? Who's the fat guy that hangs out with them? I don't know. That guy's, to me, questionable. But what was interesting was— He seems trustworthy.

He doesn't—I just don't understand what he's doing hanging out with the youngster. But here's what's crazy. Same thing you are! Bro, no, I think the kid—look, man, first of all, we actually have—you know, it's hard to explain, but we have family lineage. No, I get it. Yeah, it makes sense. So the second part is, though, they're outside of the improv with no shirts on. Imagine that.

So imagine you go to the improv and there's two dudes just milling around with no shirts. But that's their thing. But, dog, I'm saying that's as real as it gets. They're like less talented Bert Kreischer's. That's their thing, dude. No shirts. How are they not Burt's backup dancers? How do they not sell merch for Burt with their shirts off?

Unbelievable. Burt, you're welcome. Great idea, dude. And first of all, the bunny ranch is where you need to be at, dude. The chicken ranch, bro. I didn't think of that. The chicken ranch? Off your animalia, bro.

You got to move up the food chain, that. A chicken ranch? Off your animalia, bro. You got to move up the food chain, dude. God. A chicken ranch? A chicken ranch? You're going to end up over there in Picayune, Mississippi, which is where I think they have the largest chicken farm in America where they make just fucking processed chicken, bro. You want to end up at the bunny ranch. You want to get some rabbit. You want that bunny. Trust me, you want that bunny. Yeah, you're going to end up just the bunny ranch. You want to get some. You want that bunny. You want to get some. Yeah. You want to get some rabbit. You want that bunny.

Trust me. You want that bunny. Yeah. You're going to end up just sucking on gizzard, bro. We want to thank everybody that came out to our show. Two shows. Yep. Comedy store, man.

That was fun. It was fun, man. It was a lot of fun, dude. I wonder if we really like started to put like a did this but made it. Live? Yeah. I feel like we could do it. Yeah, we should start to work on it and see what it's like.

We could. It could be dope, right, D? Gang, bro. Do it live? Like people stand up, ask what king or sting it live? So they stand up and give us some debate stuff? Or they do videos or something maybe before they come in? Or they bring their aunts or their punk ass uncles?

It's a little mix of both. Oh, my God. What's up? A mix of both. Videos and people. Even bringing your's up? A mix of both. Even bringing your stupid dogs? Or their loving animals. Whatever, bro.

You get the point, though. Yeah, I get the point. You're a dick, dude. It could be fun, dude. You're a dick. That would be fun. Bring the uncle or aunt. Well, that's it. Where are you going to be at, dude?

Huh? Where are you going to be at? Are you on tour? I'm going to be somewhere being much nicer to people than you are. Dude, I'll tell you what. You and that girl who's mean to her man for being lazy need to get together. That might be your soulmate. A couple of one-two assholes.

Yeah. I'll be in Indy this week, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. And then I'm in Nashville. Soul Indy. Dude, tell me about it. It's independent, bro. Alone. That's how you're going to end up.

So I'm not surprised. Your soulmate is S-O-L-E. Well, I have family. Yeah, bro. up so i'm not surprised your soulmate well i have family yeah bro and you're jacking off and you're jacking off playing fucking call of duty watching assholes on snap fucking filters or whatever well your son keeps emailing me and telling me he's not really pleased at the house so just let you know man dude i gotta get rid of his iPad. I knew it. I knew it. He kept saying, Uncle Theo, Uncle Theo.

I'm like, why are you so worried about his email all the time, bro? You're three. Yeah, bro. Look, man. Why do you want to grow out your hair? Shave your head. What are you doing? He wants to grow his hair out.

Starts talking about the dark arts. El reyes de ratón, papa. All right, man. I'll be in Indy this week, and then I'm in Nashville and Portland. Get your tickets. Is that it, brother? That's it, man. You guys be in Indy this week, and then I'm in Nashville and Portland. Get your tickets. Is that it, brother? That's it, man. You guys be good. Thank you guys for your support.

Don't touch me, but keep fucking touching me. Do not touch me. I'll go. It's the King of Nice Game.