The Golden Hour - Episode 29:: Transgender Magician

Episode Date: July 25, 2019

The boys introduce a new segment called Chide My Ride and talk 90's fashion, Theo hanging with Damn Long Neck, why Brendan looks like Shia LaBeouf, Tang bottle Aladdin's, Bust Lamps, Alphabet Hopscotch, all new Roast my Hosts, unpaid chore money, Matthew McConaughey vs Brad Pitt, Unicycling and much more!Hims - https://www.forhims.com/KATSRing -   https://ring.com/kats Promo Code: KATSPODRaycon - https://buyraycon.com/KATSWix.com - https://www.wix.com/go/kats Promo code: KATS20Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha to the, I feel like I haven't seen you guys in forever. Good. Is it a family name, Derek? Sorry, Brendan never cares about other people. I'm going to do it for a second. Is it a family name or is it a nickname? Because Derek's so outlandish. Where did you come from? Of course it's a fucking family name. How do you know? Because I know Derek. I'm on the road all the time with him.

Okay, well let me ask him something then. Go. Derek, is it okay if this freaking big twink over here? Hey, Derek, is it okay if the guy who looks like he embezzled money from NWA asks you a question? Well, first of all, I don't know if it was hard to embezzle money from NWA. Okay. You mean he was just paying your hotel bills and you guys thought he was screwing you over? Go ahead, D.A. Tell me what you want to know.

Yeah. My dad's name's Rick and then he didn't want another person to be named Rick, so he made me Derek. Derek. Like French, Derek. Derek. That's right. D-Rick.

D-Rick. Eric? Eric? Eric? No. Derek. Derek. Yeah.

Derek licked my balls. You know that movie? Yeah, I do know that movie. Yeah, he knows the movie, dude. I'm going to make sure you didn't think I was making fun of him, dude. You are making fun of him, A. And B, he's heard it a million times, dude. Have you?

What do you get, Derek? Derek licked my balls. I get that one a lot. I get the postman a lot. The mailman. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, I like that one. Only taking packages through the back

why is derrick the postman uh posting and then just everybody's calling postman post post post posting yeah dude come on and play hoops with us me and d play hoops every thursday hey when's the last time you played hoops besides doing rocks dude uh the last hoops i played i played about a year ago, dude. Almost fought this fucking Persian dude. He was being an asshole. They play real D. Those Persians take it way too serious.

Yeah, it was like an LA kind of Persian guy. He tried to sit on your carpet afterwards? He had like slaves on the side. He had like a bunch of gold. He had the gold piercing in the nose. Bro, he left on a ship full of gold. That's how he left the gym, dude. Very intense.

Pretty hairy too, right? Oh, dude. Do you smell like cologne? Yeah. His big defensive move was he just wrapped a bunch of hair around you. I feel like hoops isn't your thing. Oh, dude. Hoops is definitely my thing,

bro. Probably want, probably, I was probably a pretty, I was a good, pretty good hoops player. Yeah. Sounds like it.

That took long enough to get out. Hey, did you, uh, did you play sports growing up though? Yeah, man. Like what was your thing though?

Like, did you gravitate towards anything besides like air guitar? Oh, I gravitated towards, let me see. Uh, outdoor activities, Besides like air guitar? Oh, I gravitated towards, let me see. Outdoor activities. Flying kites. A little bit of kites, man.

That's shit. When's the last time you saw someone flying a kite? People would shoot them. People would shoot them down where I was from. Bro, when's the last time you saw someone, you're talking about a drone. When's the last time someone flew a kite? Oh, I saw a couple in Santa Monica the other day on 4th of July. Really?

Yeah. I haven't seen it in I don't know how long. Oh, yeah. It was either a kite or it might have been a message for help. Somebody was flying. There's a lot of- I mean, a smoke signal. A lot of homeless people out there in Santa Monica, or even in all over Los Angeles, getting

crazy, man. You'd think some of these billionaire celebrities are always complaining about it, would let them come stay with them, you know? Yeah, let them stay in one of your empty rooms, empty rooms chelsea handler let them come live at your fucking shithouse and drink half your booze anyway obviously got a little bit of anger in me yeah all right but anyway let's crack into it man dog what do we got d huh well you have a children's hat on let's don't pretend that's not going on children's hat dude look at you. You look like you're wearing Kimmy Gibbler's hat, bro.

That's my joke. You look like Punk Brewster. You look like Punk Brewster, dude. You look like Bebop and Rocksteady had a gay cousin. That's what you look like. You look like you sell merch for Kid and Play.

What are you wearing right now? You're too old to be wearing a hat like that, bro. Jurassic plastic. You're wearing it? Dude, look at you. At least this is an adult hat. You look like a morning DJ. Well, you'll do. Well, you'll do.

Welcome. Back on KL7. I had the ride. Traffic wide open. Door guards. I remember this one time me and Billy were playing with rocks. You kids call them footballs. Did I tell you I ran the long neck last night? That you was a DJ?

You look like Aladdin if he came out of a fucking Tang bottle, bro. You look like Twinkle D, dude. You look like a transgender magician. You should call America God's no talent. You should be called America's

got talents because you look like a fucking gay owl. Let's crack into this episode. That's where I can do this, man. I'm sick of freaking talking to this guy. God damn, someone get this guy a cigarette and a dick. Sick of talking to this human halfway house over here. Oh, my bad. You should call up Long Neck.

See how that goes. Dude, he's doing okay, bro. Is he? Yeah. But is he? Bro he told me one time Was it a make a wish situation? Why was he at your show?

He told me one time Somebody thought he was a parking meter And just came up And put money in his mouth Bro no joke He weighs like 60 pounds dude Does he? Oh yeah

Oh yeah he does You need him to start a rap. Okay, that's good. Oh, let's fucking. Brendan just hopscotching through the alphabet there. Support the podcast. Let's get into this. All right, boys.

We'll start with a new segment, a little Chide My Ride. Get it going. Oh, shit, people sending. So what is this segment? People sending pictures of their ride, and we just get into it? People send it in their cars or their friends' or family members' cars. Real quick, what was that show on MTV about the rides? Pimp My Ride.

Pimp My Ride. They made some crazy rides. It's like, dude, I don't want a fucking 10-gallon fish tank in my Ferrari. These fish are going to die, man. I'll need a dog cage in the back of my Viper. Yeah, actually it seemed like something you would have. As far as you remember, a cappuccino maker in the back of my fucking Toyota

Tercel. That was the weirdest one. Did some weird things, man. My favorite were the celebrities that walk out and pretend it was cool. They would turn in a dope ride then it'd be all pink with a lava lamp in the middle. It'd be like, that shit is dope, man!

Pimp my ride, bro! Let's do it. What about our lava lamp idea we never made? You put them in your car, right? Oh, you don't have a car. You can just carry it around the Ubers you're in. Yeah. But I'm talking about selling them.

I'm talking about a real business, Brandon. Yeah, I know, dude. Bus lamps. Yeah. They're booming. What were they called? Bus lamps. Yeah, I know, dude. Bus lamps. Yeah. They're booming. What were they called? Bus lamps. No, they weren't.

Lava lamps. No. They were called lava lamps. We had a different name, I think. Yeah, the bus lamp. Bust bulbs, I think. Bust bulbs? Yeah.

I like bus lamps. You do? Bus lamps. Bus lamps. Out of business. Also known as sea monkeys with lights. What else you got? Let's get into something. Up first,

we got Mac Best from Stratford, Missouri. This is Mac Best's ride. He's 18. He's got a 1979 Oldsmobile. Delta 88. He steeled off the set of Goodfellas? Right.

He said this is a pick he took when his accelerator and brakes went out at the same time. The radiator blew up, and it started billowing smoke out the hood like Theo when he hasn't smoked in a few days. You're right. The car is 40 years old. I'm 18. Wow. Wow.

Gang shit, bro. Dude, you know some parents have had some fuck sessions in the back seat back there. They got those bench seats, and they're comfy. I'll take a nice warm nap in these cars, man. You put on a little freaking jazz and just drive down the 405, boy, that's the best sleep you ever get. Oh, that does sound beautiful,

dude. It definitely sounds beautiful sleeping to jazz music while going down the interstate. Sounds like a real safe experience. Well, I'm not driving, you fucking chipmunk. Okay, well say that then when you're telling a story. They assume it, man. Nobody assumed it, dude.

I saw a big freaking meat hook climbing into the backseat. A big fucking rainbow human ham hock jump into the backseat with jazz music on and take a nap while his car's going forward. Like fucking Thelma and Loseries. That's what I'm talking about. First of all, Goodfellas Hood. Jealous, bro. This bitch is ripe, dog.

Dude, you could grill meat on the front of that thing. You got so much smoke coming out of that hoe. That's that salami hitter right there. It's warm in the front. It's dope, dude. A couple Italian mafia hits out the back. Dude, that thing, hopefully it has to have a body in the front. It's dope, dude. A couple of Italian mafia hits out the back. Oh, yeah. Dude, that thing, hopefully it has to have a body in the trunk.

I bet it runs on bodies in the trunk, dog. Bodies in the trunk. Bodies in the front. This shit's dope. Oh, bro. This is an Italian meatball, six inches. Dude, this is that yellow wolf fucking hitter right there, bro. Yes, the only hit he has.

Oh, damn. Ice cold. No, I'm He has the only hit he has. Oh, damn. Ice cold. No, I'm just kidding. I like yellow. Yeah, sure. It really sounded like that. Brennan thinks that he's like, Brennan will be like, I'm a rapist. No, I'm not. And he thinks if he just says, no, I'm not, he's not a rapist, dude.

Rapist. Whatever, bro. This car is fucking dope, though. Oh, yeah. That really summed it up. I'm going to say this, man. This car, you can seem like you could do detective work. You seem like you could smoke a nice spliff in here. The air and the

tires alone is probably from 1977. The whole vibes, that 70 vibes, man. Oh, you could pick up a 68-year-old woman easily in this bit. Do you pick up an 18-year-old who thinks you're safe in this? This is a serial killer's car as well because it looks pretty safe. Yeah, I agree. This is like that Ted Bundy Jeep Wrangler, really.

I mean, this thing is just beautiful. That Charles Manson whip, I'm not mad at it. Yeah, that CM dub. What I'm saying is you could roll around and let, I would let people coagulate in the back of this thing for about $80 a pop. A lot of people would love to have a little bit of that nostalgia. That's what I'm saying. Or that bus-stalgia, if you will.

Yeah, busting on them velvet seats, do little taxicab confessions, little Goodfellow confessions. It could be a new business. Set up a couple GoPros, pick up a couple of honeys in the back, a couple of foot-long Italian subs. Yeah, that boldsmobile, dude, and get bold with each other. Yeah, get bold in the back, baby. Kat, have you ever made love in a vehicle? Let's get over to see what's in the culture corner.

Yes, a type of vehicle. What vehicle? Let's get over to see what's in the culture corner. Yes, a type of vehicle. What vehicle? Submarine? No, the back of a Greyhound as I was going to prom. Praise God. Praise God. Full erection. Way to prom? Yes, way there and then way back. Was everyone watching?

Was everyone watching? No, I was all the way in the back. Where's everybody else? In the front. In the front, you idiot. And no one turned around and looked? Oh, wow. Everybody's minding their own business.

I thought it was like Euphoria. What is that? It's a show on HBO. You don't have TV. Don't worry about it. Wow. First of all, thank you, Kat, for being brave enough to admit that. Yeah, thank you for being honest there, because at least one of us is in this room.

Well, a guy gave me a gram of Coke one time to fucking watch him jerk off on a G-Hound headed up to Natchez, Mississippi, and I didn't do it. And I didn't do it, dude. I did a couple bumps at a Coke, but I didn't watch him. Here's the thing. Do you want to tell the truth on this story? Do you take a couple bumps then jack them off for it? No, I didn't.

That's how that goes. No one's giving you cocaine to watch them jack off. This guy was willing to. That's not the way this rodeo goes this guy was a homosexual and he was willing to nah dude you jacked them i was there bro i'd remember if i jacked some guy off that i need you were high how do you know huh you were you remembered even more bro oh really it enhances your memory yeah it enhances your memory it's like limitless yeah it's like jacking dudes off yeah but it's yeah but but you i limit it like jacking dudes off. Yeah, but it's, yeah, but, but you, I limit it

at jacking dudes off, dude. That's where I limit it. that's not the drug. It's limitless, so jack them off. Bro, God bless it, Greyhound. Beautiful, beautiful.

Good story, Kat. Derek, you ever made love in a, you look like you make love in the back of a fucking bakery truck. Eclipse. A Mitsubishi Eclipse.

Oh, dude. Fucking in cars is harder as you get older that's one thing that is way and i'm big dude you know it's they're like they're like this turning your boy long neck and they're like this riding on top like this yeah that's true man nothing's harder to do than make love in a car as you get older that's one of the things all girls look like the bent neck lady from that netflix series all of them are my car like this what car uh anyway let's keep it moving keep it in screeching halt derrick ever made love in the back of a toyota 4 runner or anything like that oh yeah i only was fucking in cars till probably

like two years ago gang shit bro i finally got a gang shit homeless shit hashtag homeless hashtag broke shit, bro. Fucking in cars and parks, baby. That's why I did it. Parks? What was your favorite car? Oh, yeah. What was your favorite car?

What? My favorite car? Who cares? Who cares if he's fucking in parks, you delinquent? Parks? Who hasn't done the parks? Yeah, dog. What? We're just talking about crime.

We're Americans, you fucking delinquent. That's crime, you idiots. That's not crime. Yes, it is. Look it up. Can I have sex in a park? Maybe in Newquent. That's crime, you idiots. That's not crime. Yes, it is. Look it up. Can I have sex in a park? Maybe in New Orleans. That's a crime, Kat said.

Not in the middle of the day, you can't. But at night, no one gives a fuck, dude. At least Kat has the decency to make love in the back of a fucking group bus, okay? Kat's the only real one in here. You fucking swing set monsters.. Fucking swing set monsters. Dude, swing set monsters. Dude, you're telling me out of all the drugs and dudes, you've been these port-a-potties. You've never made love in a park?

Dude, what? I'm surprised you've... Are you kidding me? Parks are for playing, man. Parks are for snacks. Tights. You guys are crazy. Yeah.

Drugs. Yeah, man. Parks are for getting coked up, dude. Or watch one of your neighbors shoot up and... Yeah, and fuck somebody. No. Oh, come on, dude. No, guy.

I'm not going to agree to that. All right, well, shout out to this good fella's vehicle. Yeah, get this shit out of my life, dude. Yeah, please move on. It's broken anyway. I think I smoked on that. Yeah, your car clearly has a freaking problem. Up next, we got ben mortimer ben mortimer

rat bastard crew gang bruh got the rat bastard crew car on this one oh i like the tetanus shot front it's got on it huh oh shit that mad max vibe wow this thing looks like uh a roller skate skate that was like an extra on Breaking Bad. It also looks like you're going to make the cut on Ghostbusters. It's like Rap Busters. That's what it looks like. This thing looks like Ghostbust, dude. This looks like Casper just came all over a stack of metal and rubber, this thing.

What's up with all the rusty grill, bro? Bro, you're driving into kids' dreams with this thing. You got to shut it down. More like driving into kids' nightmares. It says Rat Bastard Crew on the front. First of all, this guy is obviously from a different realm of time. His name is Mortimer. Yeah.

He's named after a marker in the Bill Cosby cartoon. Zoom in on the door there. What's standing underneath that? Rothfink. But what's down below it? Industries. Maybe it's Jewish. Oh, he's a businessman.

This is a tax write-off. Oh, this is a tax write-off for sure. That's what's going on. It's a tax write-off to catch ghosts. Yeah. He has a ghost business. Oh, dude. This is, I think, this could be a Jewish hero.

This could be Ted Bundysburg right here, bro. Okay, look at this guy. Fink. I think so, man. Roth Fink? 100%. This seems very peligroso. It seems unsafe.

It seems like you'd get a tetanus shot if he's your Uber driver. You feel me? Yeah, I feel my joke coming back at me bro like it's fucking joke stralea and i just did you say that i just threw that bitch into the distance did you say it you said that you need a tetanus shot yeah you really what bro oh ct all of a sudden you said you have to have a tetanus shot to be an uber driver i said i said this car comes with a tetanus shot. Oh, fuck. My bad. It's okay. I expected that. What about this only spare tires on the car? How is that not a...

Well, it only fits, though. I love how he has fenders on the side. Oh, now that is classy. Did you notice the fenders? The only money put into the car was the fenders and the logos. Mad Max on that hoe. That thing's super Mad Max. Actually, this thing's pretty dope.

Yeah, it is. The more I look at Actually, this thing's pretty dope. Yeah, it is. The more I lick it, the more I dig it. Yeah. It's kind of so rare to have a unique vehicle these days. He's clearly in England driving the wrong side of the road, if you ask me. Oh, he's in fucking Blingland, bro. This shit is nice as fuck over there. Boy, he's from 1975.

This thing's dope. Dude, people are still in ships over there. You'll see a ship going down the street. Yeah, they're still doing tea. England is very different than here, dude. Yeah, you get in a ships over there. You'll see a ship going down the street. England is very different than here, dude. Yeah, you get in a conflict, they fight it out with swords. You know that? Oh, yeah. Why not?

What else you got, D? I'm not mad at the Rat Baster crew. Dude, shout out to the Rat Baster crew, too. I don't know who they are. Someone's got to pay for Brennan's coffee habit. What do we got, D? Before we keep going, do you want to hear some fan submissions of Roast My Host?

Oh, a little Roast My Host? I got a couple that I thought were pretty funny. You got some heaters? I've dissed a few out to people. I'll take some. You'll take some to you? Yeah.

By people, you mean me? No, I mean people that are undeserving like our listeners. And I want to apologize for that. First one I thought was so funny. Brendan looks like Shia LaBeouf trying to turn into the Hulk but got stuck halfway.

one I thought was so funny. Brennan looks like Shia LaBeouf tried to turn into the Hulk but got stuck halfway. Dude, I cried. Shia LaBeouf. That's from Mike Honcho. That's great, bro. That's from Mike Honcho. That's fucking great. Shia LaBeouf. That's from Mike Contra. Mike

Honcho is his name. Mike Honcho. Oh, that's not a real name. That's a fake guy. You too. Did you submit that, Derek? No, that's a real one. Derek. What else we got? This next one's from Jebby Dubs.

This is Jebby Dubs. Theo looks like the kind of guy to take his parents to small claim courts over unpaid shore money. That's true, dude. And that is true. No joke. My mom owes me probably about $520. that's true dude and that is true no joke my mom owes me probably about

$520 I believe it dude we did so much work and she never paid us man I mean never paid us dude and we're supposed to get paid

and at the end of the week we'd done things that had lost all the money every week and I was doing laundry and cleaning the house and it was just

fucking insane bro and opening a beer jesus christ anyway one more too accurate man yeah this is one more soon that was jebby dubs jebby dubs another jebby another fake cat also two on the nose yeah two on the nose they're not funny if they're that real it's not funny if it came from Theo's mom this last one's

for both of you I thought it was great from Chance Coffee y'all look like the Timon and Pumbaa that didn't make the Lion King oh

look at Ali Capris Timon and Pumbaa yeah we definitely do you guys are for sure holy shit we do for sure you guys are Timon and Pumbaa we definitely do we You guys are for sure, though. Holy shit, we do. For sure.

You guys are Timon and Pumbaa. We definitely do. We look like Gren and Stumpy, dude. Bebop and shit study. Yeah, yeah. Bebop and shit study. That's the best thing you've ever said. Bebop and shit study.

Oh, dude. Oh, man. Those are good ones, man. Those are hilarious. Where do you pick those up from, Derek? Oh, YouTube. Just scrolling through the study. Dude. Oh, man. Those are good ones, man. Those are hilarious. Where do you pick those up from, Derek? YouTube. I was scrolling through the comments. YouTube.

Instagram too or no? Instagram too, but the YouTube was one today. Those were funny. God, you guys are like Timon and Pumbaa, bro. That's pretty nice. That might be the funniest one. You definitely look like them. I'm thick. I know I'm thick.

Yeah, but you could lose weight, dude. Some of it is the times too. I'm thick. I know I'm thick. Yeah, but you could lose weight, dude. Some of it is the times, too. What? What? Dude, you have a body of a 14-year-old transgender girl. Yeah. I mean, what are you talking about, dude? And it's my time to shine, bro.

Hey, you ever heard of an incline bench? Try it out. Find some dumbbells. Do a push-up every now and then, bro. Quit drinking soy lattes and fucking talking about working out. Put on a push-up bra, you fucking chubby muffin. Chubby muffin? Quit doing fucking yoga and talking to people about fucking politics

and grab a fucking incline bench. All right, what do we got, D? We got some debate club i just killed d to work out hey come on guys no shit that's where i'm in bro your blood pressure has to be through the roof bro when my girl stops letting me bust in her i'll fucking do some push-. I'll do some push-ups when I can't bust inside. Oh, my God. This ain't about that. This is about your health as an individual. I'm healthy when I'm blasting off, dog.

That's when I'm the most healthy. So your girl's a chubby chaser. Indeed, bro. Bro, your people come this far, and you stop at the fucking starting line. Unbelievable, man. And shout-out to your lady. unbelievable man and shout out to your lady wow man i'm just saying get your blood pressure checked bro ain't nobody in here in great shape cats in the best shape yeah wow all right guys. This first one's from CL Diaz. Mr. CL Diaz.

Yo, Brandon, what's up, gentlemen? Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. Buzz. A little sign for Debate Club. Growing up, I was a huge fan of The Simpsons. Didn't really pay much attention to King of the Hill. I know. Throw me in jail if you want me to. I don't give much attention to King of the Hill. I know. Throw me in jail if you want me to.

I don't give a shit. But then I started re-watching some King of the Hill and realized that show was a lot more funnier than I give credit for. It got me thinking. Because it was underrated, what do you guys think was the better anime show? Simpsons

or King of the Hill? I'll leave you two to go and fight Duke it out. Gang gang, buzz buzz, drip drip. Drip drip, that's Derek. Yeah, Derek's drip drip. Derek and his lady. He's on top of his girl.

I'll say this, dude. Propane. I'm going King of the Hill, man. Fuck off. King of the Hill. This ain't even a debate. King of the Hill was weak as fuck.

You know how hard it is to stand by a fence for fucking 10 seasons, dude? Dude, the Simpsons, all they did was sit on the couch. They killed it, dude. And they predicted the future from Trump winning to Area 51. Simpsons don't have a cow, man. Come on, bro. Lisa Simpson. Eat my shorts, boy. Dude, Mr. Burns?

Come on. I'm just saying. I think that shit's on both of them. It's Family Guy. Family Guy. On both of them. Nick Swanson. Family Guy is okay.

The title is misleading. I think it's kind of bizarre. The Simpsons was good when Santa's Little Helper was really popping off. I feel like it declined. The baby never grew up. The baby's name was Marge. Marge was the mom. Maggie.

Time to get rid of the baba, the sucker. She had on for 10 years. Yeah, dude. It's hard to have a me too claim when you fucking have that thing in your mouth. True. I'll tell you what, I don't trust that crusty clown around the kids either. A little pedophile with makeup on all the goddamn time. He was awesome, dude.

Montgomery Burns, a senior citizen that wouldn't die. A lot of good characters. Ned Flanders, man. The neighbor. Oh, yeah. Oh, Ned Flanders. Body up, dude. Montgomery Burns, a senior citizen that wouldn't die. A lot of good characters. Ned Flanders, man. The neighbor. Oh, yeah. Ooh, Ned Flanders. Body health, too. Howdy, neighbor.

What about the guy, though? What about the hot daughter on King of the Hill? I'm not familiar with King of the Hill. Anyone else in here? No, because we're goddamn Americans. Jenny or something. Titty Jenny. Luann.

Luann. Sorry. Were you a King of the Hill fan? Well, okay. Yeah, bro. Blue Ann Sorry Were you a You were a King of the Hill fan Yeah bro Let's see that King of the Hill cast man Let's see a fucking Look at it

Didn't King of the Hill Just turn into F is for family Isn't that the exact Same show But Bill Burr Just made it way better Look at that

Hot daughter bro She's the Christina Applegate of our generation You fuck M's the Christina Applegate of our generation, you fuck Muppet. Christina Applegate can still get it. Look at that frickin' uh... Look at that shit dog. Can you get this shit out of my face? Simpsons destroys us.

Not even really competition. I thought they were going to say Family Guy or Simpsons, to be honest. What do you think, they're a winker bean? Bro, King of the Hill, pretty decent, I'll say that. Only DVD you had in your town. I don't know anyone who likes frickin' King of the Hill. Dude, I, King of the Hill, pretty decent. I'll say that. Only DVD you had in your town. I don't know anyone who likes freaking King of the Hill. Dude, I asked King of the... All right, bro.

Whatever, dude. What's the fans say? 74% Simpsons. Wow. Of course. Come on. Inspector Gadget was fucking good, though. I love that one.

Dun, dun, dun, dun. Dun, dun, dun, dun. Oh, oh. I used to watch that shit as a kid dude and then they made that busted Matthew Brodery

movie or whatever the fuck his name is remember and he was Inspector Gadget sounds horrible it was awful dude and remember

the big guy with the cat and that metal arm yeah and he was always like rubbing his cat he was like a Vietnam veteran

yeah that's exactly what he was and just pissed yeah dude I don't know what Inspector Gadget is trying to solve He's like rubbing his cat. He's like a Vietnam veteran. Yeah. Yeah. That's exactly what he was. And just pissed. Yeah, dude. I don't know what Inspector Gadget is trying to solve every goddamn episode. Do you? It was the worst, dude.

Look, just admit you're trying to fuck Carmen Sandiego and chill, bro. Yeah, dude. You're searching for her. Let's get out of this topic, man. Simpsons all day. Up next, we got Tara Buchanan. This is Tara. What's up, girl?

Damn, didn't she just win a World Cup? July 7, 2000. And July 8, 2019. My name's Tara Buchanan. Hey, Tara. Welcome to Calgary, Alberta. Ooh, shout out to Calgary. I got a debate club question for you guys.

Cute. Matthew McConaughey or Brad Pitt? Let me hear what you got to say about that hitter gang gang buzz buzz peace out you guys and Theo thank you so much for what you're doing Brendan don't even know you very well but warming up to you every day peace out

wow the truth resonating through society what else thank you Tara for reaching out and thank you for mentioning Brendan when you were asking me this question. What else do we have to do here? She was asking Matty Mac or Brad Pitt. Both dimey dimes.

Listen, Matthew McConaughey made all the fucking romantic comedies, didn't he? Do you have to take your shirt off in every picture running on the beach? Every time? Dude, that's Baywatch you're thinking of. No, that's fucking Matthew McConaughey, man. But then he got serious from a Dallas Buyers Club. That's the shit right there. Or on HBO, True Detective.

A Time to Kill. Remember that? Oh, yeah. Yeah, that was good. But Brad Pitt has those fucking hitters. Does he, though? Or is he just a bigger? Troy, Fight Club.

Fight Club's good. Troy. Ocean's 11. 8 out of 10 people haven't seen Troy. 9 out of 10 people haven't seen Troy. Ocean's 11. 7. 7 was good. 7 was good dude. Maybe fucking. Too much rain though for them. Too dark. Too much rain. Kevin Spacey

creeps me out. Maybe not want to use Amazon. Okay. But I'll say this bro. What's in the box? What's in the box? Yeah. Matthew McConaughey. Do you remember this? And then Texas lost the fucking Super Bowl.

All right, all right, all right. Yeah. I think the ego got a little crazy with McConaughey there for a bit. Yeah, for being awesome. I like Matthew McConaughey now I think about it. But also he got all the gifts from God. I mean, Brack Pitt had more pockmarked kind of skin. He seemed

more like an everyday dude. McConaughey seemed a little bit more wild and flamboyant. Dude, Brad Pitt makes those fucking heaters, man. If you think about all the movies. Moneyball? Inglourious Bastards? Game over.

Top three of all time. Oh, yeah. Brad Pitt is that magic donkey, bro. Yeah, he doesn't miss, dude. Oh, he misses, bro. He misses in life and being married and shit. What about that movie, Bee's Day or whatever that movie? That animated sequel, sequence thing?

Cartoon? Brad Pitt in a cartoon? Yeah, he was the voice on Megamind. Yeah, what the fuck is that? Never heard of it. So, L. It's a great movie. Will Ferrell's the voice.

Dude, you're out of touch, bro. Oh, dude, Brad Pitt has been in some horrible shit. Name him. You can't say Megamind. That was a huge fucking hit. Never heard of it. So, you know, I have heard of a lot of things that are much more popular than that. Wade Boggs.

Chocolate. Those are fucking hits, bro. Matthew McConaughey. What else did he do? A Time to Kill, bro? Saving fucking racism? Yeah, no, you keep mentioning that one. What else you got?

Matthew McConaughey. Failure to Launch. I'll give you that. That was dope. Never seen it. Okay. How to Lose a Guy in you that. That was dope. Never seen it. Okay. How to lose a guy in 10 days. That was dope. Failure to launch is not the name of

Derek and his girlfriend's exhibition. Yeah. Okay. He's his Hoover Dam is what we're going to start calling his girlfriend. The Hoover Dam. And we're going to start calling his girlfriend. The Hoover Dam. And so what else, dude?

If something ever happens to his girl, there's going to be kids that look like Derek all over town. You're going to have a hundred kids. Quit busting nuts, bro. Dude, Matthew McConaughey was in, I think, what else was he in? Somebody Help me out. Those Lincoln commercials? Yeah, those Lincoln commercials. He's playing pool?

That doesn't mean you want to buy a fucking car. What else, dude? Huh? Fight Club? Dallas Buyers Club's his biggest one. Dallas Buyers Club. That's his best one. Shout out Jared Leto.

Oh, days are confused. He was in some classics. You're a lot cooler if you did. Yeah. You're so lucky for him. He was in some classics. You're a lot cooler if you did. Yeah. You're so lucky for him. He was in Jerry Maguire. No, he wasn't. You're right.

All right, let's get out of this. I love both of them, but I'll go with... I love both of them, man, because I love romantic comedies. I'll go with my boy, Brad Pitt. I'm going to secede on this one. I'm going to give you that, Brad Pitt. Yeah. 54%, McConaughey. Woo. Fuck, I was on to something. I'm going to give you that, Brad Pitt. Yeah. 54%, McConaughey.

Woo. Fuck, I was on to something. I should have stuck with my instincts. All right, boys. One more. Sorry, boys. I let y'all down. I should have stuck with my instincts.

Sorry, Matthew McConaughey clan. We got Johnny Martino from Saratoga, New York. J-Mar out there from Saratoga. Sitting in after a sheet dress. Let's go. Looks like Theo's podcast studio. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. What up, Brendan?

What up, Theo? I have a debate club time. Sounds like it, too. Nick's put on some weight. Oh, man. I want to come up with this view. Bro, this guy looks way more like Chin. The fuck he does.

Hey, this guy looks like Chin and Nick had a baby. Yeah. And we know what his name would be. Can't, can't, fuck, fuck. What are you saying? I didn't hear anything. I think we need some help on that First let's get the guy on screen He's broadcasting live from Theo's studio This guy's broadcasting

Live from his own gallbladder Can you speak broadcasting Live from a fucking hospital? First of all, this guy seems like a nice guy. Yeah, he does. He also looks like a human mole. Bro, not everybody is blessed to fit into women's jeans like you are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. to fit into women's jeans like you are. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Can you help us? Does this look more like Nick or Chin? Just because you can jump out of Lululemon, don't judge everybody, Theo. This looks more like Chin when he was almost 300 pounds. Yes, yes. But he's white. What are we talking about? But Chin gets very white when he gets fat.

Does he not look like Nick's dad or some shit? He looks like Nick's long distant relative. Like a cousin. Three times removed. I bet him and Nick would match on Grindr. What was his question? Match on

grandfather, bro. They look like family. That's what I'm saying. I love seeing that family tree. That family tree would be a wreath, bro. Or just a straight line. Nick's going to be so mad at me, dude. I've been sending him mean emails all day about other stuff. No, I love this, man.

This guy's cool. Oh, shut the fuck up, dude. You know that I care about you much more than Brendan does. Dude, you know I'm a better person than Dio. He smokes cigarettes. He's an asshole. What do we got, D? So does this guy, bro.

Me and him are the same. I have a debate club topic. Hustler versus Playboy. Yeah, I know what you're saying. They made it back in the 90s. I want to debate club topic. Hustler versus Playboy. Yeah, no kidding. I want to bring it back in the 90s. I want to bring it back. I want the dispute settled. Amen.

Was it the soft core-ness with the hotness of the girls in Playboy or the teal-open slugginess of Hustler dominating the 90s? Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. Peace out, motherfuckers. Hey Hey Hey

Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey

Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey

Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey

Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey

Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey

Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey

Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey

Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey

Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey

Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey

Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey off to either Wolverine or Professor X instead. Bro, let me just tell you this. There's definitely a dead pool between his legs. Either way.

And that was pretty funny. I'll give myself that. Don't touch me, dude. But definitely touch me when I'm talking. Don't touch me, bro. Yeah, hold my hand. I'm sweating so bad, dude. That's probably fucking steroids coming back out of your system.

Bro, you're the only one who's done steroids. That's why your body's shaped like that now. You look like Gumby, dude. You're drinking smoothies all the time. Add a little muscle for fuck's sakes. How about in between shows you do a few push-ups for me? Not on your knees. Bro, why don't you quit eating push-ups for me? Not on your knees.

Bro, why don't you quit eating push-pops and shut the fuck up, bro? Okay? I'll tell you this, dude. I have been working out, you idiot. You haven't, dude. Yeah, dude. Okay? And you've been sweating out that deca, you fucking monster. You're the one who used to shoot up so you could be in...

God, spit it out, bro. Dude, sorry. I've been reading some of your old school books, so I'm having a tough time over here. I sold them to your mom. Yeah, well, she fucking gave them to me. Yeah, no shit. That's why I gave them to her.

Well, what I'm saying is, not all of us were shooting up Test 200 so we could be in a fucking... MC Hammer video? Yes, MC Hammer video. That's what I'm trying to say. It's over now. How did you know that was it?

I kept thinking Master P. I couldn't get to MC Hammer in my head. Well, Master P would have been funny too, though. Dude, I sat in coach kept thinking Master P. I couldn't get to MC Hammer in my head. Well, Master P would have been funny, too, though. Dude, I sat in coach next to Master P one time about nine years ago. That'll bum you out. On a United flight. Man, it did break my fucking heart, dude. What was his main...

Make him say, uh, dog. Make him say, uh, uh, na-na-na-na. I'm the hernaludas, motherfucker. Y'all at the big thing. We at the big banks. Dude, that shit was the best, bro. Oh, nah. I love this motherfucking thing. Y'all at the big thing. We at the big banks. Dude, that shit was the best, bro. Oh, yeah. What was that? Was cash money there?

No limit. Shocker. No limit. No limit. This foreseen murder went to jail. Mystical. Yeah. Oh, damn.

They all went to jail, too. Yeah, them bitches were shooting people. That's sad, man. Gang, bro. Okay, what's this? I was going to ask you. I was going to ask you. You guys are playboy or Hustler

What's your thoughts on Do you remember him Derek Or not You might be too young for it I do remember him But I remember Like whenever I'd find A dirty magazine

It'd be like In the woods Or by a dumpster And it'd be all shredded up Praise God They were going out of style When I was coming up Oh praise God

Did you ever fuck with any of that Huh yeah Hustler was dirty Dude I still Hustler would open up Their assholes It was too much for me When I was like 12 You know what I'm saying I don't think they would do that Oh Hustler was dirty Hustler would open up their assholes It was too much for me when I was like 12

I don't think they would do that Hustler was raunchy dude Playboy was classy I could read articles And then also I had some big titty girls So like you got best of both worlds Nobody believes you made it through an article Of any sort

Okay dude Just cause your mom used to read you hustle at night to go to sleep, don't be mad at me, man. What do you got? Bro, the articles you've read and the articles you wear have something in common. Both real small, bro. Real small, daddy. Real small, daddy.

But I think you're right about this, man. I think Playboy Hustler was too much. They shouldn't have had it out there. I remember biking seven miles over to my buddy's house just to go and take a dump at his buddy's dad's house so I could read a Hustler magazine and masturbate. Then I'd be too tired to bike home and I would sleep on their floor. And that went on for probably two years. By two years, you mean 16 years?

Well, no. And so it's, you know, I think the hustle was too much, man. Too raunchy, man. The show Bush is a shit. It was too raunchy, man. But the joy was you had to find one and then you had to hide it. You couldn't bring it home because your mom was going to find it. And you had to hide it somewhere.

So you had to do that outdoors. You had to do that kind of Boo Radley that you got to stuff it in a tree space or something. Where only you and your buddy know where to find it. But then somebody else came upon it. So then you got two or three people kind of circumnavigating this titlet. Jesus Christ, that was tough. But you knew exactly where I was going. Nope, I don't.

Oh, bro. I thought you were going to the moon with that one. Dude, here's the thing. I always associate Hustler. I was trying to interrupt you before you rushed me. I always associate Hustler with Faces of Death because my buddy who had him would put them together in the same hiding spot. So I'd have to grab the Face of Death like, oh, God, no. I'm going to jack off, though.

And what was Faces of Death? A magazine? Video and just showed people dying. So you put the video with the magazine? I didn't. My creepy friend Jason did. Oh. Jason who?

Call him out. Nope. Can't do it. Wow. Seemed like he's not a real person, and it's you. Let's keep it moving, Derek. Let's keep it going. 65% went with Playboy.

Yeah. It's respectable. Hey, remember when Playboy was like, we're not going to show women anymore. We're just going to do fun articles. And then their sales went. You know what? We're going to bring back the tits. Let's do the tits.

Well, shout out to you big boy out there, shirtless sending that in, man. Yeah, I think a lot of balls go shirtless. Good for you, dude. Gang, bro. Keep yanking and reading the magazines, dude. Keep yanking and reading. Well, it's better than pornography, bro. It's better than watching that pornography. That's definitely not. Yes, it is, dude. Keep yanking and reading the magazines, dude. Keep yanking and reading. Well, it's better than pornography, bro. It's better than watching that pornography.

That's definitely not. Yes, it is, Brendan. Up next, we've got some relationship advice. Perfect. Is it from the same guy? No, this is from 19-year-old Zeb. Oh, 19. God.

Zeb. Oh, wow. It's a model. What do you mean it's a model, man? It's a young boy. My name is Brad King. I'm Zeb. I'm 19 from boy. Hey, I'm Zed. I'm 19 from Georgia.

And I need some relationship advice. I'm crushing on this girl. And I'm really feeling it. We've been, like, Snapchatting. Hopefully she can hear you. And my friend, like, also has a crush on him, too. But before I knew that he did, I, like, I was feeling it. You know what I'm saying and so

i don't know how i should go about this so uh gangbang and uh but bro no no gangbang bro you're 19 don't gangbang bro he can do what he wants first of all first of all i'd say speak up because your girls have no idea if you like her or not because you're whispering to us so i'd say speak up the other thing is you're 19. Best man wins, dude. Roll out the red carpet. Take her to AMC theaters. Get the red vines.

Get your dick out in the popcorn aisle. You know what I'm saying? Go see Lion King and fucking French kiss in the back. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? May the best man win. Give it up, dude. I'll give it to that.

Yeah, may the best man win, man. You can't. There's no... I'll tell you this. While you're may the best man win, man. You can't, like, there's no... I'll tell you this. While you're sending this video and your boy is sending her a message, bro, so you got to get in there and get the action. Be that action Jackson, bro. Don't be that fucking dead-end Ben, you know? So you got to really take care of yourself, bro.

You know, like, if you... Good-looking kid, though. He has the swag going on. You know what I'm saying? the swag going on he's a good looking kid dude i'm a fucking adult and i don't look at children like that you seem like a male i'll say that and you seem you know like you're alive now it also seemed like you could be in hiding right now because you're talking at a very unique decibel known to people that are playing hide and go see you might not even be 18 but man, first of all, it sounds like you both have never met her.

It's like you just know her from Snapchat. Let's go to a woman's perspective. Culture. Cat. Culture corner. What's up, Cat? I mean, I agree with you guys. Best man wins.

You guys are 19. You guys need to duke it out. Fucking race. Run a 40-yard dash. Whoever wins. No, fight. Fight, you idiot. No, not fight.

You don't need to fight. Race each other. But also, she probably has her mind up about who she likes more. Does she? She's 18. Yes. Or she can motorbike it. If there are two choices, you always want one a little more than the other.

Always. Oh, wow. He does have some swag. I told you he's a good-looking kid. I'd like to see the other kid. And then maybe we can pick for her. You want to see the other kid? Yeah, maybe set their 18.

How many young kids you need to see today, guy? Well, not just one. I'm going to predict a winner. Why don't we do a King's King sponsored date? A little twink hunter? Yeah, we'll send them on a date, actually. I think it's not a bad idea to do a date and have us send in some video from it. But I want to know this.

Do you think, Kat, say if she likes the other guy more like you said maybe they like the woman might already know right yeah what's his move if he's the guy in second place how does he play it to have a chance maybe even down the road like what is his the what are the mistakes he can make and what are the things he could actually do correctly i mean just because she likes the other guy a little more doesn't necessarily mean he's out of the race. He's just got to step up his game. You mean like get more Instagram followers?

Should he link up with long neck or some shit? Wow. I mean, you just got to figure out what she wants. He's a mentally challenged boy under the fucking Brendan fucking. He's not mentally challenged. Yes, he is, dude. Dude, he's a nice dude. I know he's nice.

He's also mentally challenging really yeah he does two things you know you're trying to throw him under your little fucking scooter or whatever you're driving these days your little fucking you're talking about never mind never mind i saw you with your second scooter pick the other day you fucking animal doing wheelies on it yeah i don't know cat so, Kat. So can he win? Sorry, maybe I'm being mean, dude. I need a fucking cigarette. Maybe he can pick up a... Give him some advice, Kat,

because this fucking guy looks like he's about to slit his own wrist. Definitely don't slit your own wrists. Thank you. It's going to be okay. Good advice. It gets better. Good advice.

Dude, these kids nowadays, bro, winter doesn't come, they fucking kill themselves, man. Dude. It's crazy. If you for it and you're picked up for a second season come they fucking kill themselves man dude crazy if you for it doesn't get picked up for a second season 70 kids kill themselves well there's a new documentary out that's made it says it's cool to kill yourself 13 reasons to kill your buddy or whatever it's so weird man it's like hey kids here's a cool idea make some fucking tapes and fucking off yourself

if zendaya doesn't like their pictures they off themselves it just times are different man different man so at least this guy has the balls to reach out to some fucking guys who have really made some shitty decisions like brendan and myself that's why uh we had cat throwing that suggestion so he's not out of it cat he can still win this race he could still win he just got to figure out what she wants i I mean, at that age, if I got, I was real simple. If you bought me boba and popcorn chicken, I was yours. Damn. God damn, girl.

Yeah. But nobody did it. That's the thing. That's the thing. Boba and chicken? Yes. What kind of fried chicken? Popcorn chicken, she said.

Deep fried popcorn chicken. Jesus Christ. I don't know where you get that. Where do you get that? Where do you get that? From Derek. Where are you going to fucking get it, Derek? Oh, dude. Jesus, you I don't know where you get that. Where you get that? From Derek. Where are you going to fucking get it, dude?

Jesus, you're an idiot, man. I'm an idiot and you're a racist. You think I'm a racist, dude? You're an idiot. Yeah, and you're a racist idiot. What else we got? Yeah, you are, dude. Let's get this guy a cigarette. Whatever, dude. You're out of your mind. Next, we got

Rip My Drip. Sorry sorry derrick it's okay buddy uh first i'm sorry my friend's racist keep going yeah i'm sorry my friend i'm sorry my friend's racist and blames it because he's from new orleans dude i'm from new orleans man i'm sorry my friend thinks that the fifth grade is high school okay i'm out'm out of here, bro. This is Sebastian from Ontario. Sebastian. Oh, shit. What is this? What is this?

Hey, who is this psychopath? Sebastian from Ontario. Who is this Home Depot psychopath? Bro, he looks like Canta Claus. Okay? This guy looks like he is. Dude, his shirt says, I don't exist, with Santa Claus on it for the listeners. Bro, he looks like one of the sons of the wet bandits.

Okay? From Home Alone. He looks like one of the sons of anarchy. He's not doing well. He's not doing well at all. Dude, he looks so mean. Derek, what do you think about a guy like this? If Theo had a spirit animal, it would be this guy.

He looks exactly like the bad guy from the Smurfs. Remember the bad white guy? Oh, my God. He does. It's just like him. The hair and everything. That's a good call. This guy's one bad break off from just fucking up that entire, wherever he works.

Oh, he works in a shop. It's called a shop, dude. It's where men work at. That's not a shop, dude. That's the back of fucking Costco. No, it isn't. That's not a shop. Look at that giant fucking that's not a shop dude. That's the back of fucking Costco It's not a shop look at that giant fucking fan look at all the shit They're selling you don't get couches at a shop look back there He has gloves who wears gloves to a Costco dude

Those guys were you know who wear them guys who are serious about the shit That's who wears them cuz they don't want calluses off their hands. Dude, there's a green boat next to him. I don't know what that is. Yeah, you do. This might be Area 51. Ooh, this could be two guys. Is he an alien? He looks like a little bit like John Malkovich's angry son.

Dude, if you know. John Malkovich's angry son. Dude, if you know... He looks like of Mice and Meineke, like he works at a fucking brake shop. Yeah, he looks fucking pissed, man. He just looks so dark. Yeah, this is all mining equipment. He's at a mining place.

What? He's a miner. No way. Is he really? Yeah. Hell yeah, dude. Shout out to miners, dude. Shout out to miners. No yeah hell yeah dude shout out to minors dude shout to minor shout to the no don't say shout out to mine no shout to mine shout out to the gimp who escaped the basement in pulp fiction and now found a job wow i don't see him like that at all i see him as a young man who he is not young deal shout out to him for sponsoring this guy. No. What is this thing? It's called Punk My Arm?

No, this is just the Rip My Drip. Can we talk about his clothing, you delinquent? Dude, you're trying to figure out his job. How about his fucking columbine lower half. Okay. At least now we're focusing on his style. I will say this. Wearing gloves, dark clothing, a picture of You're one trench coat away

from joining the band, my man. Oh, definitely, dude. You definitely should not be allowed inside a Burlington Coat Factory, dude. Because you're going from there to a fucking shooting range, I can tell. So I think, yeah, I would brighten up the clothing. Cat, what do you think?

Color palette. Open it up, bro. There's more than black. What do you think he could do? I mean, maybe black is a good call. He's a minor. He gets dirty real easily. That's good.

Maybe he has to wear black on the job. But he wants to let everyone know that he loves Christmas. Or he doesn't. Open up the color palette on your style and your heart, bro. There's more than black. Yeah, it's funny because he dresses in black, but looks like he doesn't like it. So that's kind of an interesting look. But hey, man.

He's pissed he has to wear black. God bless you, brother, and we'll be thinking about you, man. Yeah, we will. Good luck, dude. Wow. Thanks for closing that JPEG. Didn't you guys feel better when he closed it? Yeah, I did.

I was like, I don't know how bad I want to go in the paint on this guy. We end up on first 48. What else you got? Up next, we got Jess Meyer. Jess Meyer. What is going on with this long daddy? This is Jess Meyer. All she sent in was, P.S., Brendan is daddy.

That's all she said. God damn, Tom, I need some respect around here. and his daddy. That's all she said. God damn, Tommy, get some respect around here. It's only taken

25 episodes to one person. We've got Nick picking all the goddamn submissions. Thank you, Derek, for finally adding

to this. Wow, she seems, I don't know, Brendan. Finally, the only good-looking person we've ever had on the show calls me daddy fuck yeah what do you think about this kind of lady when you see her derrick is that wonder woman i thought she was gal gadot man or the sexiest flight attendant ever you know

what i mean oh yeah dude dang dude delta delta delta can, Delta, can I help you, help you, help you? Fucking I'll fly fucking Spirit Airlines if she's working. Oh, bro, I'll bring a couple extra bags of my freaking skeet on board. Hell yeah, I'm going to have a carry-on lady. It's going to be these balls. Dude, Derek's going to bring his girlfriend on board. Your fucking skeet shuttle. girlfriend on board. The old fucking skeet shuttle. Jesus Christ, man.

She's never going to let Derek work here again. No. Sorry, Derek, but you said it, man. Tummobile? Yeah. Sorry Derek but You said it man Camobile Yeah Dang Derek's home Get out the drop cloth Huh

Get out the wet wipe Derek's home There's so many towels By our bed bro It's like five Damn Jiffy Lube over here That's so many towels by our bed, bro. I'm not even kidding. That's like five. Goddamn Jiffy Lube over here. Oh, man.

Damn. Why is Derek got to bust so many nuts? Dude, calm down. Please stop. This is turning from Playboy to Hustler. In the matter of an episode, man. Oh, man. I feel bad for Derek's girl. I don of an episode, man. Oh, man. Well, I feel bad for Derek's girl.

I don't feel bad for her. She is gorgeous. Yeah, dime time. She's at least a... And I am daddy. Yeah. What's up, girl? We can make that happen. Wow.

Ken, you want to get to the honey? Don't touch the cheese. Don't touch the cheese. Don't let me find out you DM'd this savage over here, okay? What else we got, T? What else we got, T? Alright, boys, we're going to end it with a little

sting it and wrap it up. No, hold on. You're nuts, man. What did he call your girlfriend, Derek? The skeet shuttle. He just watched the show. What are you going to make him ask him? The skeet shuttle?

He watched the show. Dude, hashtag skeet shuttle, bro. I didn't call her skeet shuttle. Yeah, you did. You watched the show. Did I really? Yeah. I got to shut mouths.

I will watch you, delinquent. Oh, fuck. Up first, we got Amanda Ken Martin for King or Sting It. This is Amanda. Well, goddamn, Amanda. I feel him, Brandon. She said me first. She called me Brandon.

Too many dogs. Oh. Buzz buzz, gang gang. What are we doing right now? Is this relationship advice? Lose the dogs. Oh. Buzz buzz, gang gang. What are we doing right now? Is this relationship advice? Lose the dogs. She asked if you guys can't understand big dogs. These are gigantic.

Oh, I think bigger the better. No one likes a small, frail guy who doesn't do bench or incline. So I think you want a bigger, meatier. Like if you're picking ribs ribs you want the beef ones you feel me oh yeah your little baby back pork rib over there dude I'm not thick fucking beef oh bro I'm that brisket you're that risk it okay that's all I'm saying bro you have a fucking tainted meat bro look all I'm saying is if a frisbee will kill it, it's not a dog. That's my motto.

Yep. So one of these big bad boys could obviously catch a Frisbee in a heartbeat. These are some beautiful animals right there, some huskies. I say he can't. That's not a husky, bro. That's a fucking St. Bernard on the left, which I love. Look at that fat ass nose. And shout out to St. Bernard Parish down in Louisiana, bro.

Shout out to her big pearly whites as well and the hitters in the front. What was the other dog? The other dog looked like... I think that's a Wamaraner dog. Sing it or sing it, big dogs. Damn, that dog trying to get to them tits. Oh, that's a chocolate lamb.

Does she realize these dogs just like tits? Does she realize these dogs trying to gangits? Does she realize these dogs are trying to gangbang her? They're all over him. Is she okay? We're going to crank big dogs. We may want to do a, what's it called when you have the police check on someone? A wellness check? Yeah, let's do a wellness check on just letting these big dogs

that are trying to fuck her. Yeah, dude. Yeah, definitely one of them is wearing jeans. So this is... They got a wild group over there. These are wild dogs, man. They might be from Florida.

So let's definitely order a WC for your girl right there. Something's going on. That's him. Bernard has Skechers on. Yeah. Oh, man. Let's move on. Get me out of here.

This is our last one. Get me out of here, man. Last one. This is Addy from Michigan. This is Addy. Ad Get me out of here, man. The last one. This is Addie from Michigan. This is Addie. Addie's also a nickname for a fucking drug. Let's go. Hey, Theo.

Hey, Brendan. My name is Addie. I'm from the Great Lakes State of Michigan. Shout out to the water. King it or sting it for you guys. What do you guys think about unicycles? You think they're fun? You think they're fun? You think they're cool?

Unicycling. Unicycling. What is happening right now? Wow. What is going on? October, we're really jazzed. Brendan, I love you. Love the show, guys.

Gang, gang. Buzz, buzz, baby. Buzz, buzz, girl. Wow. First of all, she seemed like a beautiful young lady, and your boyfriend seemed like he picked a very vibrant and unique person that can unicycle. So thank you. She just wants to know what we think of unicycles in general.

Usually a pass for me. Now, she's the hottest unicycler I've ever seen. Usually they don't look like that. Really? Usually it's a weird guy off 3rd Street trying to hustle me for money with ripped jeans, you know what I'm saying? And a meth problem. So usually I don't

like them. Yeah, dude. Ripped jeans is also Brendan's DNA profile. So definitely he's got some real ripped jeans. Fuck, man.

I couldn't figure that joke out. God, it took forever to get out. It's all good, man. But yeah, you seem like a beautiful young lady. What is she asking? But also, get a huffy. You know what I'm saying? No.

No, don't do that, Brendan. Keep doing what you do. Do whatever you want to do. Old school things. Beekeeping, ja do. Do whatever you want to do. Old school things. Beekeeping, javelin, whatever you got to do. You want to build one of those, what's those, trebuchets in your yard and do that and shoot those pumpkins like those little people used to do on TLC Champ. Dude, here's the thing.

You talking about Mythbusters? No, Little People Big World. I don't watch them. They disgust me. Really? The Roll-Offs? They fucking are little people. Oh, you're talking about the baller, the rich midgets. Yeah. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. I don't watch them. They disgust me. Really? The Roloffs? They fucking are little people. Oh, you're talking about the baller, the rich midgets.

Yeah. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. I like them. Rigets, they call them, first of all. And second of all, they grew pumpkins, bro. They had a pumpkin farm? Yeah. Imagine me and Little Angle on the biggest fucking vegetable in the universe.

You know what? Pretty inspiring. Yeah. Unbelievably inspiring. Especially named Theo. And I like that unicycle. You don't need two wheels. Two wheels is for fucking creeps, bro.

Perverts. Here's the other thing. You want to make some money, start juggling on that bitch. Yeah, that's true. All Venice Beach guys make a lot of money on unicycles and juggling. Yeah, that's cool. Send a cute girl out to Venice Beach on a unicycle. You want to make money or not, bro?

How about this? Make money a different way and don't end up a sex-trafficked person. Okay? That's fair. Here's what I'm saying is, you get out there, honey. You do you. All right? And tell your boyfriend I said hello and everything.

Yeah, me too. But gang, gang, buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz, gang, gang. Unicycles, I say yes. Is that it? That's it, boys. That's the episode. Dude, we did it.

I sweated through my shirt. You did? I'm thick. Yeah. Dang. Dang, dang. Tang, tang. Yeah. Dang. Dang, dang. Tang, tang. Tang, tang.

What's going on that week? I'm in Nashville and Portland. Ticket is tfatk.com. Nashville, Portland, Denver just got announced. Holla at your boy. It's my homecoming. All right. Remember that song?

We're coming home. Coming home. Is that P. Diddy? And I'll be in San Francisco this weekend at Cobb's Comedy Cellar. And I've never been there before. Cobb's Comedy Club. Cobb's Comedy Club. Not a cellar, bro.

That's Robin Williams grounds, bro. Oh, it is? Yeah. Oh, wow. Never been there before, and I'm definitely excited. That'd be a good time to see Theo Von San Fran. Yeah. Cobb's a special place.

Cobb's a special. I'm excited to go there. First time ever. There's a bunch of unicycles out there oh yeah unicycles unisex they got it all bro yes sir gang bang gang gang bang buzz bust we're out