The Golden Hour - Episode 30: Welcome to Ghetto Heaven

Episode Date: August 1, 2019

Brendan and Theo get a surprise hospital call from Simon Rex aka Dirt Nasty, Brendan's blown away by Theo's old rap video and the guys talk Dongs vs Fart jokes, new giant wrinkly one eyed Hounds to Clown, Dead Pool Cat, Theo's Ultimate Smelling Championship nose, a camp counselor love story, pierced nipples and much more!No Bull - https://www.nobullproject.com/katsLearn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm not touching you, dude. Man, you're going to end up probably going to hell, Brendan. You think I am? I mean, I didn't think I was saying that out loud, actually. That's something I just texted my pastor, yeah. By pastor, do you mean your drug dealer? Yeah. Come on, pastor.

There's no pastor for you, bro. If you mean that my heart's addicted to the Lord, then yeah. You think Jesus Christ is white, don't you? I think he was tan. Yeah, you think? I'll go tan. I think he's definitely like fucking. Like Derek?

Like Derek Larkin. I don't know if his dad was black, but I don't know if Jesus' dad was black. black, but I don't know if Jesus' dad was black. Dude, first of all, some of the stuff Jesus did, the wine, milling around in the desert, definitely kind of black activity. See, I'd say Mexican. He's a carpenter.

Agreed. He can make stuff on the dime. Carpenter, millions and billions of children. Had that jerry curl. He did have it, actually. He had a jerry curl. They try to say he had... They call it S-curl where I come from. Really? He had a J curl. They try to say he had. They call him S curl where I come from. Really? Yeah.

Oh, a savior curl. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, what ethnicity would he have? Or a sinner's curl. You know what I'm saying? He might have had that drip. That drip, bro.

Send the ladies around back and get a sip off that drip, huh? Adam and Eve. Yeah, I think Jesus definitely had a tan, you know? Oh, there's no doubt. If you think he's a blue-eyed white dude, then fuck him. I think he is sometimes.

I don't think so, dude. Bro, he is if he wants to be, at least on Halloween. Oh, you think he goes whiteface on Halloween? No, I think he does everything he wants to do, dude. If he wants to black out a little bit, he wants to have a barbecue and, you know, meet some people at the park, he urbans out. You know what I'm saying? And then when he wants to make stuff and and you know meet some people at the park he urbans out you know what i'm saying when he wants to make stuff and like and make good food he's mexican

yeah maybe he gets a latino yeah if he wants to get a pistol you know here's the other thing shoot it shoot in the air on new year's eve kill somebody a couple neighborhoods over yeah you got a latino out why not dude here's the other thing he might be black because he's shredded he's shred city he's keto you think he is yeah not on purpose though that's all they had back then but for for two like two chapters of the bible i think he was eating sand bro he was very limited diet out there if you want to be on a diet move to the middle east you know i'm saying everybody's over here fat and around with all these books. Carbs and stuff. Doing all the next keto trend. Listen, dude.

I want to go on Naked and Afraid just to lose weight. Oh, dude, definitely. 60 days straight. I'm so jealous when they lose weight. I wish someone would force me on an island to lose weight. With a naked chick? You talking about heaven? Yeah, bro.

Why don't they bust nuts and eat bugs, bro? You know what I'm saying? Give it up. What? Don't touch me, bro. Don't touch me, dude. But keep touching me. Let's go on an island.

Let's go on an island together. Oh, speaking of that, somebody brought this gift to my show this week. Oh, wow. Now, is it a bus lamp? Is it all sticky? No, I don't think it's been used yet. It's an actual lava lamp? It's an original lava lamp.

Well, that has to go in the studio. We're going to put this up when this is done. Oh, actually, I got a call coming in from Simon Rexon right now. Dirt Nasty's in the hospital. You want to say to him? Oh, what happened to him? I don't know. You want to see?

Yeah. All right. Oh. Okay. You know what? Service in hospitals isn't good. Dirt. Where you at?

You want to be on King of the Sting or no? Well, yeah, because I'm on a bunch of these medications. Buzz, buzz, dog. You look good, man. I feel so good. That's the thing, cause they got me on the, like, the medication. What happened to you, man? You're on that sweet nectar. Let's talk about it. What happened to you, bro? Oh, hey, there's people over there. Yeah, this is heaven, dude, unfortunately.

When you... Unfortunately, yeah, you got into the kind of rough heaven. It's just me and Brendan. Yeah, you got into the ghetto of heaven, bro. Welcome, brother, is what it looks like. You guys are angels. Hey, Brendan, I was watching some of your new shit. It was funny.

I was laughing at the whole Logan thing, but maybe it was the drugs talking. It could have been the drugs, bro. If you're on laughing gas, you probably were laughing then. It was funny, bro. You had me laughing. I'm in the hospital just catching up on shit. You all right, man? Yeah, I just got an infection on my left testicle.

Oh, damn. How'd that happen? I got an ingrown hair that I tried to pop myself and then I went to a, what's it called when you're walking out of clinic? Planned Parenthood? A what? Planned Parenthood?

Nah. I went to one of those walking places, and the lady fucking tried to pop it and drain it, and then it got more infected. So I came to the emergency room yesterday. They're like, oh, dude, you're fucking, you ain't leaving. And they plugged me in, and I just had a huge apple in my left testicle. Damn. Wow. That's crazy.

Talk about busting nuts. It's like Snow White kind of like when she bites that apple. But then, yeah, so then they wouldn't let me leave. So I'm in the fucking, from going from an ingrown hair pop to fucking now, I'll be in a hospital, in an ER for two days from fucking popping on my balls. Well, and that is actually probably a warning that a lot of our, that a lot of, because we have a lot of young males out there who I'm sure are struggling in the nuts. Yeah, if you got whiteheads on your nuts man be careful out there you got

acne on your nuts how would you do it different simon would you do anything different or would you just are going straight to the hospital earlier what would you maybe a mud mask What happened was, I shouldn't have tried to pop it. I probably wasn't sanitary, and it was like I saw the ingrown hair, and I thought I could get it out myself. Because, you know, when you see anything down there, you think STD, you think the worst. Oh, yeah.

But I haven't got laid in a while, so I was like, how could I have STD? Yeah, I'm not buying that. So then I popped it, and it was all bad from there, dude. It just started getting more and more infected. And then the lady at the place, she drained it all wrong. And then she gave me the wrong antibiotics. And the next thing you know, here I am in heaven with you guys. Well, look, man. At least you're getting drained, brother.

At least you're getting drained, man. Welcome to heaven. Well, welcome to heaven, man. At least you're getting drained, brother. At least you're getting drained, man. Welcome to heaven. Well, welcome to heaven, man. We all love you, and we hope that you feel better fast, brother. Take care of that sack, bro. I didn't mean to interrupt the show, but I just wanted to say I love you guys, and thank you for being here. Yeah, no problem, man. Welcome to heaven.

You bet, man. Take care of those nuts, bro. There's a lot of great people up here, dude. Pete Rose is up here. they're not telling anybody but yeah surprise michael jackson's up here as well my man marla maple yeah oh it's spacey yeah there's definitely spacey could be here too so but uh we love you. I hope you feel better soon, man. And I'll hit you up later. Yeah.

That's a warning. Don't think that you're Dr. Chivago. Leave it up to the real ones. It ain't upon you to bestow yourself upon such ridiculous circumstances. I'll leave it at that. That's fair, bro.

That's fair. That's fair. All right. Peace. Later, bro. Dang those nuts, dude, man. Hope he's. That's fair. All right, peace, Simon. Later, bro. Dang, them nuts, dude. Man, I hope he's...

I hope he makes it out. I mean, yeah. That's crazy. Something was in his nuts and he went to get it. It sounds like, yeah. It ain't growing hair on your nuts? I've never heard of that. Well, how do your...

I guess your nuts are actually... Because there's something outside of my nuts, like a skin bag. Yours too, right? Yeah, like a bat wing. Yeah, or just like a thing for coins or something. nuts, like a skin bag. Yours too, right? Yeah, like a bat wing. Yeah, or just like a thing for coins or something. Yeah, like a leather pouch. Because nobody has just two nuts hanging there with nothing around them, right? No.

And then there's like a few fickle hairs on them, but no one has hairy nuts. Oh, a lot of people do, dude. Not hairy nuts. Like real hairy nuts? Look at his beard, bro. You don't think he probably has a beard on his nuts also? Look at Derek Larkin Jr., dude. You don't think he probably has a beard on his nuts also? Look at Derek Larkin Jr., dude. You don't think Derek?

No. Black dudes don't have hairy nuts. True, bro. That's so true. They don't have hairy nuts. True. Yeah, I can't even imagine that. Me neither, man.

Bro, I couldn't even draw a picture of it. If you gave me two hours and about 60 markers, I couldn't even draw a picture of it. I don't have the mind for it. Yeah? I just can't even imagine that. They're always clean shaved in the pornos, man. What? Why are you looking at them in the pornos, man?

You got to G up, brother. I am G. That's exactly what I'm doing is G-ing up. I look at the ladies only, brother. Well, sometimes you get that dick in your face. You can't do anything about it. Yeah, you can. Here's what I do.

Here's what I do, bro. Fast forward. Are you looking away? Yep, just like that. No, then you missed the movie, dude. Huh? Then you missed the movie. Yeah, but you know what's going on.

You're right. You're right. I just enjoy it, man. You're right, though. Dude, how good is last chance you, though? Dude. Don't touch me, dude. Don't fucking touch me.

Shout out to Independence. That coach, John Brown. John Brown, right? It's Jason Brown, first of all. And yeah, gang, bro. Large man. He made it out of Compton. Brown, first of all. And yeah, gang, bro. Large man. He made it out of Compton. Congrats.

Not the best coach, though, is he? He's exciting, but I don't know if his motivational techniques are the best way. He walks into your room and goes, what's up, motherfuckers? Everyone shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. We got to win this week. Every time. That's the truth.

He's also basically, the team is like, everybody has like nine kids. Nobody is, every other school has let these guys go. Yeah, they're all rejects from D1. Yeah, one guy on defense had a taser on him. He was tasing the running back. Nobody could figure out how he was tackling him just so quickly with just a quick sound and just his hand like that. The quarterback kept bringing a baseball

back. That's crazy. He deals with some dynamics, man. But he figures it out. Dude, some of the kids are like, all you got to do is go to class today, you get a full ride to Alabama. Pan two hours later, the kid's just like, I don't know what happened.

My alarm didn't go off. And then they have these poor assistants who have to keep track. Oh, my God, dude. It is. It's great, though. But what season? Are you on the newest one? I'm on the newest one.

Are you? Yeah, I'm on the newest one. Don't tell me everything, dude. I'm not, but Coach Brown is in some trouble. No, he isn't, bro. He's a freaking legend, dude. He is a legend. Legends never die, dude. Tell them Scotland is free, brother.

What about that bus lamp you got, huh? Fell her up, dude. Dude, we should get an Independence Community College bus lamp. What's up, boys? You guys suck anyways. I'm sure that thing is full, bro. First of all. How about the dorms at Independence? Huh? Can we talk about the town of Independence, Kansas? Beautiful town.

Definitely racist, though. You think? Oh, my God. They do not like the football out there. Huh? Can we talk about the town of Independence, Kansas? Beautiful town. Definitely racist, though. You think? Oh, my God. They do not like the football out there. Really? No, man. Dude, the stands are full every game of all the locals. Kind of.

Really? Oh, they're not happy. Who do you think's there? You think people are, what, where do you think people are coming from to watch the games? You're right, but it might be the away team, I think, most of the time. No. Yeah, especially they got the new – you're not updated, right? I've seen two or three episodes.

I was asleep during one episode. That town gets a turf field, and they are not happy about it. Dude, Kat looks like Deadpool today, huh? What's that mean? She has Deadpool colors on, doesn't she? Oh. Okay. Sorry, am I the only person that knows about Deadpool?

No. Derek does. Well, Derek's wearing red and black too, kind of. Yeah, but he's got that Cincinnati. The Barry Larkin vibe. Yeah, he's got that Barry Larkin vibe. Yeah, he didn't drop it, dude. You know what I'm saying?

That was last week, bro. Give it up. He's walking around town going, Barry Larkin? That has to mean that I didn't say anything. Like, barely Larkin, bro. But he is kind of close, though. Dude, he's close. But I could see Jesus having Derek's skin tone.

Derek kind of has that red bone, New Orleans kind of skin color. Yeah, that caramel kind of Memphis barbecue. They said Jesus had hair of lamb's wool, baby. Look at this. You know what I'm saying? That's what I'm saying. Oh, yeah. Well, dude, he was sleeping in a barn in a couple of chapters.

Yeah. Hey, you mean he had dreads? That's what that means. He had dreads, bro. Dude, he's black. Well, if he comes back, I mean, when he comes back. Well, Easter, right? Yeah, yeah.

But definitely, we're not sure which Easter, apparently. Yeah, apparently, he just keeps catfishing. Bro, what if he's little? And he's a little guy? And fat? Huh? He won't be fat. You just told me he wouldn't.

Don't say he will now. Well, we don't know now. But what if he's a little guy? What if he's four and a half feet? Well, he's a zombie. Damn, little Jesus, bro. How's that not a rap name? Little Jesus X.

It is, I'm sure, bro. For sure. Just Google, yeah. I don't know. Dude is, I'm sure, bro. For sure. Just Google. Yeah, I don't know. Dude, how was Sam Fran? Speaking of Little Jesus. It was good, man. We had a good time over there.

What happened? I'm trying to think. It was fast, bro. It was beautiful, though. Fast? What do you mean fast? It was just a quick weekend. You were there Friday, Saturday? Oh, Luke Rockhold came out.

Is that his name, Luke Rockhold? Yeah. Yeah, Luke Rockhold came out. Great guy. And I asked him about Bisping because I guess they got in a fight one time and i didn't know that right and you asked me here's the problem text me man i know i should have knocked him out and that was like biggest loss wow i didn't know that's like something kind of do the one time you bomb being like hey bro how about that set the improv that night like what the fuck i thought you're cool man dude no it's exactly like that i felt but here's the

problem i realized i can't talk to anybody that ever fights because i'm always like hey i want everybody to be buddies i'm like hey aren't you buddies with so-and-so they're like no we're not fucking buddies dude all we do is fight each other okay there's There's a 99% chance I'm not buddies with anybody, dude. So it was, Did you get lost in his eyes? He's a good looking dude. He's a legit model, bro. Bro.

He makes you and I look like turds. Oh, definitely. Yeah, I don't look that good next to him. I can see you can look, I think you're kind of handsomer than him. You're a little more charming than him. He has more of kind of

an old world kind of like cologne kind of handsome, you know, like dad's cologne. Like a Clint Eastwood type of vibe. Like if I saw him surfing on a thing, like on a huge ocean full of like Ralph Lauren polo sport. That's him. That'd be him. Liquid. That would be him. Yeah.

Dude, people were DMing me how good the show was. Really? I was like, yeah. Okay. Yeah, man. Steal. What do you want me to do? I mean.

Jesus. It felt rough, man. I've just, yeah, okay. Yeah, man, steal. What do you want me to do? Jesus, it felt rough, man. Yeah, I've been having so much stress. I feel like I'm losing my mind, bro. Why are you so stressed, brother? I don't know. I don't know. I really don't know. I think some of it's just in my brain.

Are you putting it on yourself? Huh? I feel like you're putting it on yourself. Yeah, I think some of it is. I just got to tighten up a little bit. Because it's all good. That's the thing. Like you're killing it.

Right, so it's something in my own brain, you know? I think it's just I probably get to go to some more AA meetings, tighten up. Get those demons out of your closet. Yeah. By demons, I mean trannies. Yeah. All right, ladies. I got demons.

Fellas, let's go. Let's do this. Showing you a pep talk, brother. I'm proud of you, man. Let's do this. Well, thanks for the support, man. Dude, I remember I wouldn't even be able

to have this show, be here on this show today if I didn't come on TFATK. What do you mean? That was like the first podcast I really went on was you guys'. Yeah.

And then you and I had this weird chemistry of just roasting each other. Yeah. It was like an anti-chemistry, really. And it was like people... Yeah, it was kind of...

It was. It was like a bad relationship. It was an abusive relationship. It really was. Yet I kept coming back for more. It was like people. Yeah, it was kind of. It was. It was like a bad relationship. It was an abusive relationship. It really was. Yet I kept coming back for more. It was like an episode of Snapped kind of just like starting out. Or it was like a real bad episode of Cheaters. Yeah.

But it's just the same episode over and over. And that's King and the Sting. Yeah, Cheaters, bro. It really is. But yeah, let's get into it, man. What do we got today? We got Derek and Cat here I know Derek's drunk

Because we're headed to Nashville this week Memphis, baby Close to my hometown That's his hometown I'm so excited Oh, wow Are people coming from your hometown to see the show? Oh, yeah, man

Yeah, you have a family of 400 tickets Dang Yeah, the Friday early show is the post It's just posted It's just posted It's posted up He was saying, bro, can I get a ticket? How many?

It was 275. I was like, that sounds cool. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no problem, man. That's awesome, dude. I know you're excited, bro, brother. I'm so pumped, man. Yeah, it's going to be fun.

That's awesome. Before we get started, real quick, your boy Nick sent me something to start the episode off with because of last week's MC Hammer surprise. Nick sent me this. Oh, yeah. It's a video I was in. She tweeted. I know.

She can't keep a job. Oh, what? Dude. Look at him. That's what is she in the Twitter kingdom. That's her big C. Buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz.

Buzz, buzz. When her buzz. Buzz, buzz. When a type is top, she comes calling. I won't be here because I ain't on Twitter. Oh, snap. That's Derek. Derek, bro. Like an extra from Captain Tua. Dude, what is that?

Nick ripping me, bro. Or you're awesome. Look at the fucking lamb on the hose in the back, bro. Yeah, this is in your driveway. This is my driveway. That's crazy. I said buzz buzz. What's up?

I said buzz buzz. That's crazy. That is crazy, dude. What's that from? This video about Twitter. This is crazy. That is crazy, dude. What's that from? This video about Twitter. This is when Twitter first came out, man. And you and your friend wrote it? Was that your buddy?

Yeah, that was my white friend, and his name is Alan. No, not Alan. Can't be a very good friend, though, you know? Eric. How old were you in that? You look young. Oh, beautiful, bro. Look at that fucking arm meat, bro.

Look how thick that is. Yeah, you're a little thicky there. Look how high I can put my arm straight up in the air. That's Deca-theo there, bro. Look at that fucking arm meat, bro. Look how thick that is. Yeah, you're a little thicky there. Look how high I can put my arms straight up in the air. That's Deca-theo there, bro. I was definitely at something. A little Winstrom cycle, maybe? I never got into Winstrom, man. I was straight up in that test.

I wanted that Mexico running through my veins, bro. You want that Gold's Gym in the middle of the night. I was on that shit that would just have me run to the next country in the middle of the night. I was on that fucking strong-ass Mexican fucking- That's that Hulk Hogan cocktail. Yeah, bro. That shit, yeah. Where you go, what's up, brother?

I'd shoot it in and then just run straight to Canada sometimes. Just crazy, brother. Shit that really, that get up and go. Dude, I was in MC Hammer video for three milliseconds. You were in a straight-up rap video. Okay. Hold on. You were in MC Hammer's-

Hey, Bubba Sparks, take it easy over here Hold on. You were in Z Hammer's little hype boy. Yeah, I was, bro. I was his favorite flame. Dude, in this video, you look like Bernie Sanders' side piece. What the fuck is happening here? Why do you have no sleeves on, bro? Bro, someone stole

the sleeves to that shirt. Actually, I left it outside one night to dry. They cut them off? And in the morning, the sleeves have been stolen. Dude, you must have been in the South. I don't remember where I was. I was passing through somewhere. But dear God, man. And I needed the sleeves, too, because I had a meeting that next day.

Probably didn't get the gig, did you? Oh, no, I didn't. No, I didn't, man. Well, what's up now, Applebee's? Who's laughing now? God's plan, bro. Yep, God's plan. Yeah, buzz, buzz, buzz. Well, what's up now, Applebee's? Who's laughing now? God's plan, bro. Yep, God's plan. Buzz, buzz, buzz.

Buzz, buzz. That was dumb. All right, let's start the episode. Hilarious. Thank you, Nick. And happy birthday, too. We got a birthday on the crew today, don't we? Yeah, we do.

On our production crew. Our boy Daniel. Yeah. Sweet Daniel and... Sweet Daniel D. Sweet Diddy D. Yeah, he's Asian, too. Is he really?

Adopted Asian. Wow. LKAs, bro. Low-key Asians, man. You have no idea around here. Anyone else want to come out now and tell us? You Asian? You're too hairy to be Asian. Yep. And also... Cat?

I don't think I'm quite ready to say anything yet. Ooh, I like that. Well, I have my assumptions. Crouching cat say anything yet. Ooh, I like that. Well, I have my assumptions. Crouching cat, hidden dragon, bro. I like it. What do you got, D? What do we got? Happy birthday, Daniel.

We're going to start with a little Clown My Hound. Up first, this is Dawson from Las Vegas and his dog, Willow. God damn, that is a big dog. Bro, that's a horse. It's Clown My Hound, not Clown My fucking Clydesdale. That thing is jacked. Wow. Is that Luke Rockhold, bro?

That is a huge. Oh, wow, look at the puppy. Is that Dwayne The Rock Johnson? I know, dude. Yeah, who's that dog's dad, bro? Kimbo Splice? It looked like definitely there's been some crossbreeding going on. Dude, he's so big.

I love Great Danes, too, man. But how much can you love him? Because, I mean, look at the thighs on that thing, huh? Shorty want a thug. Can you zoom in on those fucking thotty-yotties right there? He's being a village. You kill thing bro oh yeah cat what do you think about this kind of pup have you seen these in your area growing up they're not walking around koreatown nope i have never seen a dog that big before it's bigger than me probably oh yeah you could ride it cat you could ride that thing oh my god that'd be. Wouldn't that be fun to watch?

That would be very beautiful. And then play Genuine. Ride it, my saddle. Jump on it. Remember that? You remember Genuine? Oh, dude, I remember. Imagine Cat slow motion.

Oh, yeah. Genuine playing in the back. Ride it, my pony. My saddle is waiting. What happened to him? He probably got a case. Huh? Probably got a case.

Genuine? Yeah. Dude, he was super creepy. Everything was about sex and busting nuts. Oh, that's true. Every video, bro. Yeah. Dude, I think he was performing at the Black Expo.

Was he really? He was the headliner. Wow. And he was always wet. In every video, he's wet. Yeah. I don't trust him. Really? Not around my girl, bro. Yeah. Yeah. I don't trust him. Really?

Not around my girl, bro. Yeah, definitely. If you got to wear some of that Rain-X on you just to stay dry, you know, that's rough. Speaking of rough, dude, this thing is, what is it? I'd eat that. Yeah, I'd shoot that thing. Bro, no doubt. If there's a couple tough months where the power's out, I'd eat the fuck out of that thing, dude.

Dude, I feel like you're breaking the house. You got a real problem on your hands. Oh, dude. Gun or no gun. You got some problems, bro. You guys can't see this dog. I'm not joking. It's standing up.

It is seven feet tall. It's Andre the Giant of dogs, man. He's jacked. Dude, yeah. I wonder what's... One of his parents is obviously Dennis Rodman. Here's the other thing. The thing probably sleeps in his bed.

Oh my God, bro. I hooked up with this girl in Philadelphia one time. Beautiful young lady, far as everybody knows. And she had a dog that slept in her bed and his name was Kobe. And this was right after Kobe got busted for the alleged sexual incident. It turned out, yeah. And I was like, I can't sleep in here with a huge, the dog was way bigger than me, bro. Named Kobe? Yeah.

Don't trust him. Did he sleep in the middle? Slept in the middle between us. God damn. And I had no choice, bro. I was wasted and I couldn't, I didn't even know. What kind of dog was it, you remember? That. It was a great name? Named Kobe? Oh, he was very great, bro. I don't know what he was but he was really great. I bet you slept nuts to butt, too. Oh, he was very great, bro. I don't know what he was, but he was really great. I bet you slept nuts to butt, too.

Dude, he had on socks, I remember. That's how big he was. Socks in the 90, just a hat on. Bro, he had on socks, and I think he had lotion on his back. Because I just remember him. He looked like a giant glow worm. He just smelled good. That's the only statement.

He had cologne on. Huh? He had cologne on. I mean, I don't know. Socks, cologne, and fucking hair gel. That's the only statement. Get a cologne on? Huh? Get a cologne on? I mean, I don't know. Socks, cologne, and fucking hair gel? She might have been fucking around. And it was a queen bed at best. It could have been a large twin.

It could have been a large twin. Happy birthday, Daniel. Shout out to this giant dog. What else we got? I think we got a... Oh, Nick. Yeah, how about... God damn it.

Oh, that shit's back. Who made this? This is something that Elon Musk made after blowing that joint with fucking Rogan. Elon Musk starts making shit that don't work. He started making just... He made mittens after that. We're like, mittens, bro?

Yeah, they fly. That'd be great, bro. Shit Elon Musk made after smoking that joint. Up next, this is Juno, the 13-year-old Sphinx cat. Oh, man. Oh, God. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Dog.

Boy, that thing looks like Simon Rex nuts right now. Oh, my God, bro. Boy, that thing looks like Simon Rex nuts right now. Oh, my God, bro. Brandon kind of looks like that. Don't touch me. Dude, look at this. Dude, his front half looks like my grandma's neck. Oh, dude, definitely. Now, Kat, what is this knowing where you guys are?

Okay, what is it when you guys see this sort of thing? Well, they have a much closer relationship with animals, dude, than I do. What do you mean by they, though? People, different other types of people from San Jose. True, very true. Very true. That's fair. That's fair.

You see these cats everywhere. I don't know where you're going with this, but that's fair. Well, no, I'm just saying that cat comes from a more, her historical lineage is a lot more. Cat friendly. Deeper than mine, you know? So this could be, in Egypt they have a cat that's magic. Yep. Sphinx cat. Black magic.

It's not black magic, dude. Don't fucking drag Derek into this, okay, dude? Sorry, Derek. You're right. I'm sorry. Brown magicx cat. Black magic. It's not black magic, dude. Don't fucking drag Derek into this, okay, dude? Sorry, Derek. You're right. I'm sorry. Brown magic. Well, just magic. Well, no.

David Copperfield's magic. Is he? Magic is white magic, right? Derek Copperfield. David Copperfield is a closeted male that's fucking screwing people over out in Las Vegas, bro. And he's blind, somebody said. You mean taking guys' girls and make them disappear into his fucking bed sheets?

Yeah, that guy sounds like a Me Too case waiting to happen. Anyway, I shouldn't have asked you, Kat. My bad. I really fucked this up. Does it say what happened to his eye? He has lost his eye due to melanoma. Yeah, I'm not buying that. What does that mean?

Having too much honey, dude? I'm out, bro. This thing looks like a fucking bowling Yeah, I'm not buying that. What does that mean? Having too much honey, dude? I'm out, bro. This thing looks like a fucking bowling ball where I'm from, dude. That thing loses another eye, bro. That thing's going to be fucking working over at Tiffany Lane's, bro. That thing is going to be a damn bowling ball. That thing loses another eye. It's what nightmares are made of.

This thing's scary as shit. Also, the owner, Persian? What's up with the... look at the background, dude. With the fucking, the old statue, the marble floor. Obviously Persian. Look at the fucking cat, dude. The cat is 2,000 years old. Yeah, it is.

It didn't lose an eye. It's eye, one of his eyes was like, hey man, yeah, I'm out. Okay. Dude, this cat has problems. They're pretty nice, though. I bet it feels nice. You know, your ball sack feels nice and soft. That's what this cat feels like.

This cat has the weight of the world in his soul, bro. This thing's been alive for at least 2,200 years. If you guys cannot, if you're not, if you're only listening to this, you have to see this cat. Look at its one eye. It's the ugliest cat I've ever seen in my life. Look at his ears. Huh? That's an eye hole.

Oh, that's an ear. Dude, I'd grill those fucking ears up, boydo. Some pork rinds, bro. Oh, Jesus, dude. Can you imagine the pork rinds off a cat? Dude, I wouldn't mind lathering him up with a little BBQ sauce on that body, bro. That's what I'm saying, bro. Look at that body. Let's see that fucking neck bone.

Dude, look at the fucking wrinkles. Talk about old wrinkles here. That's what I'm saying, bro. Look at that body. Let's see that fucking neck bone. Look at the fucking wrinkles. Tell about old wrinkles here. Oh, wrinkle in time, baby. Set my alarm clock. Goddamn. He looks like my heel. My heel's wrinkly like that. Is he really? Yeah, it's weird. Oh, you got those senior heels, bro. Yeah, bro.

I can see that, bro. You should wear stockings, bro. You look like a kind of dude that would wear those stockings, bro. To make your legs still look kind of tan, even though you're about 90. Can we zoom in on his magical orb to the future, Derek? That eye? The one eye? Yes.

Look at it. That thing looks like it can see fucking heaven from here, dude. Look at his evil, the one evil eye. Evil? This is where- where a stranger things bro dude his eye looks like the opening in stranger things look at that fucking eye dude oh i bet if you jumped off a building and landed right in that eye bro you go directly to heaven dude you get a desk job there or you go to 1960 dude don't bring this thing around me. I'd have to kill it. I don't trust him. I don't trust him.

I would put this thing on a very high plateau in my room. I would oil it at night. I would make sure it's covered in cotton and it sleeps well. Dude, I would make sure that it is... I wouldn't even walk it. I would carry it outside to urinate in the yard and bring it back in. You're going to take care of him? Like he's some sort of special Gemini?

Look at him, bro. You could fucking keep cigarettes in one of his eye sockets. Or you could put your cigarettes out on his eye socket. He wouldn't know the difference. Yeah, he would, bro. That thing remembers, dude. What else you got? What's his name?

Jesus Christ. His name is Juno. Oh, Juno. Juno. Okay. Up next, boys, we got a little debate club. Debate club up first is Alexander

Sandoval. This is Alexander. Hey, Sam. Brandon and Theo, what up, guys? Shred City, bro. I got a debate club for you coming to you from Kuta, Bali, son. Gang. Debate club. Oh, you rich, rich. Fighting in front of the kids.

In the Marines, we said, don't fight in front of the kids. We had junior Marines come in, and we didn't fight in front of them, argue points, because you didn't want your junior Marines, you know, your kids, in other words, seeing, you know, one person being more superior than the other. uh you know one person uh being more superior than the other you want you uh you want the kids seeing the adults the couple whoever as equals or on the other hand fight in front of the kids that's what happens uh let them see how you work it out that's real let me know what you guys think appreciate what you guys do one love buzz buzz dog gang did you grow up with your parents arguing a One love. them. So you start to maybe hold a grudge and you don't even really realize against one of them? Yeah, my parent got a divorce. They would argue like a motherfucker. Really? Yeah, that's why I like to argue, I think. Listen, it's a good time. If they don't argue,

what are we doing, man? I like to mix it up every now and then. I'll just start arguing for no reason some days. Oh, I can imagine that. It's just fun. I can imagine that 100%. That's how lawyers come about, man. Don't let your kid think life is easy. Throw a debate at his ass every now and then. Yeah's all you're doing oh do a crime and let him fucking defend you in the in the courtroom yeah but what i'm thinking this man what was the guy asking

uh are you in front of kids oh right he kept calling juniors yeah is that like military brats marine thing yeah yeah word yeah i think yeah i. Yeah, I think, yeah. Confusing, bro. Well, I think... What is he asking us, though? Is it okay to argue in front of kids? I think here's the deal, dude. If you argue in front of the kids, then also you might be having sex or something afterwards, and the kids are going to hear that. The makeup says...

How are you going to learn about sex if your parents don't argue? Here's the thing. My son thinks me and my girl argue, and then we get in a wrestling match. Oh, really? We ain't wrestling, son. We ain't wrestling, bro. Yeah, but also, I can see you being the kind of guy that puts on a Lucha

Libre mask to fuck. So it's confusing for my son. But daddy, you jumped off the top rope. Yeah, balls deep off the top rope. And the match is over and mama hasn't even broke a sweat, dad. Hey, one jumped off the top rope. Yeah, balls deep off the top rope. And the mash is over, and my mother hasn't even broke a sweat, Dad. Hey, one way or the other, Derek over here is busting nuts, whether he fights or not. He's busting nuts in his girl, bro.

Oh, I'm surprised he's even able to walk out of the house without slipping and falling and breaking his own back. The ski shuttle, bro. It's fucking slippery over there. That freaking drifty lube over here. Yeah, bro. Freaking drip dropopotamus over this over there dude what do you think guys arguing in front of the kids did your parents argue in front of you derrick and cat

what uh my parents i can remember like only like three or four man they kept it light they kept it like they didn't really argue in front of us that shit's boring yeah what about you cat happily married oh yeah my parents fought all the time but it was more one-sided my mom would yell at my dad and he he'd just kind of laugh. Oh, yeah? Yeah. The women run shit in my family. Your mom ever hit your dad?

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. My dad just kind of laughed it off, though. She's tiny. I like that. That's fine. I would watch that shit.

That's their way of flirting, though. Yeah, that turned me on. Your mom looks like you? Even smaller. She's like 4'11", like 95 pounds, like tiny. You've seen Cat's sister? Huh? Seen Cat's sister?

Yeah. I mean, in my imagination. Yeah, bro. That cat with one eye sees the sister. She is a baddie. Oh, is she? Yeah. She only likes guys that look like Derek, though.

Oh, yeah? And she's an adult? Yeah, she's two years younger than me. For her birthday, they got a black guy. Oh, dang, bro. Really? Yeah. Wow, I thought I was going to be the most racist guy on this episode and you just won it. How's that racist, bro? Bro, you can't give a black

guy as a gift to someone, okay? Very true. Well, if that's what she loves, well, you asked Kat when Kat was actually brought on the show, you went, Kat, how do you feel about this cat? Because it's in your history. That was the most racist thing so far today. Until you trumped me.

Now, you can get someone a blow-up doll and paint it black. That's different. That's racist. Is that? If you get a blow-up doll and put chocolate face on it, just get a black doll, bro. Just do the body. I wouldn't do the face. Chocolate body?

Nothing worse, dude. That's what bodybuilders do. I don't support that. Well, I think if the parents fight, though, the kids Just do the body. I wouldn't do the face, bro. Chocolate body? Nothing worse, dude. That's what bodybuilders do. I don't support that. Well, I think if the parents fight, though, the kids are going to see it. Yeah, to give the kids some problems. But also, you don't want your kid having a smooth ride. That's true. He needs to understand relationships take work, dude.

That's true. I think if you're going to fight, maybe. Sometimes I argue with my girl and then just toss my son two M&Ms. Yeah. It's all good, baby. Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty good. Here's a little chocolate for your boy, huh? Yeah, here's a littleMs. Yeah. It's all good, baby. Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty good. Here's a little chocolate for your boy, huh? Yeah, here's a little

chocolate. Dad won that debate. Dude, now I think that'd be good. Maybe you each sit there with some M&Ms and keep giving them back and forth to your son until he can't take any more. Whoever gave him the last one wins the argument. Oh, that ain't a bad idea. You know? Before he throws up. Just call chocolate and up the boy. Chocolate the boy. Now that that ain't a bad idea. You know? Before he throws up. Just call chocolate and up the boy.

Chocolate the boy. Now that's a cute way to win. You know? You shouldn't be fighting in front of kids, though. All honesty. You really shouldn't. It ain't good. Look at me and Theo.

Our parents argued like shit. But historically, how do people deal with it, though, historically? Not good. It can't be good if your kid grows up in an unsettling environment.

Yeah. You joke around like you want your kid to grow up a little different. He doesn't want smooth sailing, but you don't want to fight in front of the kid, man. I call my girl crazy in front of my kid. Now my son starts calling her crazy.

Oh, wow. You crazy. I'm like, oh, damn, dude. You right. You speak the truth. You right. And I appreciate that. Here's a bag of M&M's. Yeah, let's just say it in the garage. Yeah, let's do it.

But she crazy. That's wild. What else we got? 85% of people said no fighting in front of the kiddies as well. Up next, we got J-Rod. This is J-Rod. Oh, yeah. We haven't seen him in a grip.

Yeah, he's fat. I thought he passed away. I thought he had high blood pressure. King of Spain, it's your boy, J-Rob. I got a debate club for the ages. What's better? Dick jokes versus fart jokes? What's going to be King of Spain?

Are we picking down or are we fucking farting? This is where it begins. This guy's wild, bro. This guy's crazy. He's crazy in a great way. Oh, yeah, he's crazy. It's called crazy, bro. Crazy, dude. J-Rod, dick or farting, boy? Man, wow. J-Rod, dick or farting, boy? Man, wow.

Yes. I think farts is more enjoyable, I think. Because a fart is almost like a joke. It's like your butt telling like a little... One-liner. You know? Hey, did you hear the one about the... You know?

And actually, in some cultures, they used to try and decipher the sounds of body gas farts. Oh, yeah? Yeah, they used to try and decipher the sounds of body gas, farts. Oh, yeah? Yeah, they used to think it meant something, you know? What culture? Human culture, man. All of them? Dude, probably 80 fucking percent, bro.

Huh? Pick one culture. Human. Okay, dude. That's not a culture. You don't know if it is or isn't. Dude, I'm saying, was it the Asians? Was it the black culture?

Oh, dude, I'm not. Hispanic? Bro, we're one culture, man. Human culture, dude. Okay. You don't think somebody's trying to decipher a fart sound? I thought the Koreans did it. Yeah, I wouldn't be shocked.

You ever seen a scat video? Huh? You ever seen scat, baby? No. What, like somebody telling a cat to get away real fast? Scat! Yeah. Kind of.

Look it up in your home alone. Really? Yeah, smoke a cigarette and watch scat videos. My mommy's always said, scat? Yeah, it's also a jazz term. Scat, scat, scat, scat, scat, scat, scat. Yeah. Look it up.

I'm a dick joke guy. Oh, yeah? I like dicks better. In a weird, non-homo way. I think dicks are way funnier. You picked the wrong one. D, what do you think here, dude? I think dicks are way funnier. You picked the wrong one. D, what do you think here, dude? I think it goes extreme, man.

Dick jokes are better than fart jokes. Diarrhea jokes are better than dick jokes. You know what I mean? I think dick trumps them all, dude. Really? Nothing funnier than a good, big dick joke. Yeah. Well, dicks have always been a little bit more popular, I think,

because dicks is... Remember they used to have those shirts, Big Johnson shirts, and it was all about dicks, you know? Yeah. I think the. Remember those, Big Johnson? No. What? You remember the Slim Jim commercials? Those were about dicks, too.

What? That's about a snack. I'm talking about dick. You remember Big Johnson shirts? You're talking about Big Johnson the truck? I'm talking about Big Johnson You remember Big Johnson shirts? You talking about Big Johnson the truck? I'm talking about Big Johnson, dog. Big Johnson? Bring that shit up, Big D.

Big Johnson? Oh, you're talking, you know, that's the porno star. Isn't it called Big Johnson? Right there? It says lick, suck, and swallow. Big Johnson, bro. There you go. Johnson bungee jumping. It's his wiener oh i do remember these shirts big johnson

great fucking reference yeah they had so dicks had their own shirt they never really had like a um a fart shirt yeah like loud randall or something you know what i'm saying they never had like a shirt for like body gas you know big john, that's such a fucking throwback. Put out the fire with Big Johnson hoses and it would be some guy that's carrying his own dick into a fire. It was like the Cabbage Patch dolls, but for fucking... Remember that? There was no Garbage Pail Kids.

Oh yeah, Garbage Pail Kids. Big Dick Johnson. God, that's right. That's such an old school reference, dude. Here's the thing, though. You should know about having a big dick. I did my research because I was like what am i gonna do with this thing so here it is back in the day in the greek culture you know if you had a big dick you're made fun of is a bad move so you know all the statues in italy all the great men have these tiny dicks that's not true dude you don't think no if you had a big dick that everyone made fun of you i'm sure well a big dick

looks dumb bro you know i'm saying you Well, a big dick looks dumb, bro. You know what I'm saying? You run it. You know, people are, it's more about, you know. That's what guys with small dicks say. Really? That's what I heard. Dude, I'll fucking tie my dick around your neck right now, dude.

Like a tie? Huh? Bro, I'll tie it all the way around your neck and won't even feel it stretch, bro. Like a bungee cord? Yeah, okay. Dude, I love you, bro. you bro i'll jump rope with your dick right now dude i rolled over one night in bed my penis fell out of bed and broke the back of a full-grown cat a hairless cat that's how that cat lost an eye no i don't know man i think but

yeah big dick looks dumb as you get older you're just like this old guy carrying around this dick and his back is all hurt. Yeah, I feel bad for those guys. Yeah. Sometimes I'll, mm. But I'll go with dick. Sometimes a porno will pop up and this dude will have just a monster dick. I'm like, what's he going to do when he gets older, dude? Yeah, it's crazy.

What are you going to do? That thing's too big. Well, then you got to get a little like a lunch kit and bring it. You got to carry it in front of your body. You almost got to get a crutch. Yeah. Just hold it up. But yeah, or one of those wheeling crutches your body. You almost gotta get a crutch. Yeah. Just hold it up. But yeah,

or one of those wheeling crutches like they got now. Everybody's a little bitch. They're afraid to walk their own leg around. Those guys are another level, man. Who are they?

Porno stars, dude. You ever seen like the big dick porno stars? I don't know their names. It'd be so miserable. If I had to fuck twice. Hey, Derek, I don't know their names.

Derek goes like this. I do. What are their names, dude? Oh, man, you got Mandingo. You got Rico Strong. He's my favorite. Wesley Pipes. He's good.

Wesley Pipes? Yeah, man. He talks all the most shit. He's the one who always talks shit. Oh, wow. That's great. He talks shit to the girl? Michael Jordan.

Yeah. Damn. Yeah, he's like. Like the Kanye West of pornos? Yeah. Damn. I don't know the guys. Yeah.

I just know they their dicks. Do you think if we picked five porn stars and put their dicks in a lineup, you could pick them? No. I bet Derek could. How many would you get out of five, though? One out of five. I would get none out of five. And Derek, how many would you get?

A solid four out of five. Oh, wow. If I'm missing one, I'm a little disappointed in myself, too. You know your dicks. Yeah, dude. Now, can your girl do the same? I don't know if she's watching the porn. You watch porno with you. Yeah, we do Oh, but not like it's not like it my office not as much, you know, not all the time

Do y'all watch it like in a popcorn and stuff like that? Is it that kind of thing where you do it at night? I can watch it on the do you watch it? Do you watch it like like scheduled viewing or is it like it have like spontaneous? You don't have like meals around like watching. No Or is it like pizza? Spontaneous. Spontaneous. But you don't have like meals around, like watching dudes bust up.

Yeah. What do you think? I'm kind of savagery. I don't know. You're not level. What about cats? Cats actually see more wieners probably hopefully than most of us. I like to watch porn alone.

I'm not that fond of watching porn with other people. Yeah. Do you like girl on girl? Yes. Oh, that does nothing for me. I need a dick in there. I feel like I like watching girl on girl only when the girls are like drop dead gorgeous yeah it's just looking at another one a beautiful

woman is just so much more appealing to me okay that's a little bite you but so you like like the you don't like like the butch lesbians if she's gorgeous then sure well then she ain't butch if she's gorgeous cat well she has a haircut like theo she ain't Butch if she's gorgeous, Kat. Well. She has a haircut like Theo. She ain't gorgeous. A little more bowling than Butch, you know? Yeah. Well. Well, there you go.

It's good to know, though. You know? Yeah. And I appreciate the submission, man. What an amazing submission video. That guy's a legend, huh? Took some time. Yeah, straight up legend.

75% of people went with dicks on that one. Yeah, you got it, dude. We're going to do a little relationship advice next. Dude, I feel like we're helping people with relationship advice. If there's one thing I can say, we're helping the world with this, dude. We're going to do a little relationship advice next. Dude, I feel like we're helping people with relationship advice. If there's one thing I can say, we're helping the world with this, dude. Yep. Wow. You might be right, man.

I got people hitting me up going, dude, me and my girl got married because you're fucking gang, gang, buzz, buzz. I'm like, yeah, there you go. There you go. What do you guys do? Somebody hit me up. We just named our kid Gang Buzz. What do you got? Somebody hit me up.

We just named our kid Gang Buzz. And I'm like, I don't know if we're helping the world, dude. We're definitely helping the people that make birth certificates laugh a little. What do you got? We got Chris from Montreal, Quebec. This is Chris. Bienvenue. What's up, boys?

Greetings from Montreal. Sorry for the lighting lighting Need some relationship advice So I took this summer Volunteering program At a residence And asked out my supervisor On the third week Now I'm 18 and she's 21

She said no because It would be unethical And I know she's pretty serious About rules I'm still kind of interested So I was wondering what you guys think about it do i wait until the end of the summer and ask her out again but then i'd be waiting for a month for a girl i barely know or do i give up and move on and

wait for her to make the next move since i've already made mine appreciate it love you boys no homo buzz buzz gang gang buzz buzz damn he seems super stressed about it here's the thing just like ryan reynolds which is hilarious that we're running deadpool references today oh wow you think ryan reynolds he looks like a reno reynolds oh interesting yeah um i think ryan reynolds would take offense to that listen dude if you don't want to wait a month i mean it's not that long brother i know you're like to wait a month, I mean, that's not that long, brother. I don't think like 18 in a month seems like years, but if you can't wait a month, she ain't worth it.

And also he goes, and technically it's against the rules. Well, yeah, man, that's your boss. Can't fuck your boss on summer break, dude.

Yeah. So wait a month. See what's up. Yeah, man. She's worth it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

First of all, you're waiting a month. Like wait a month. She already said no. So you're just waiting. Like, yeah. And she's worth it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, first of all, you're waiting a month. Like, wait a month? She already said no. So you're just waiting like... Yeah, it's not like, hey, is it even that much of a debate? She kind of said no. And used work as an excuse.

So I think maybe, I think, yeah, you could, after, I'll wait to the end. I wouldn't make her feel uncomfortable. I wouldn't be standing around with flowers or a little little candy thing or something or one of those fucking things you get where you get the fruit cut into flowers and they send it with the cookies in there chocolate covered pineapple you get the fucking get the fuck those things start sweating too they're disgusting dude also keep your peepers off her too man don man. Don't make her feel uncomfortable. Yeah, bro.

You know, I would wear glasses in class if you have to, or sunglasses or dark glasses. Even do a disguise or something. You know what I'm saying? You just want to make her feel as comfortable as possible. So if she doesn't think it's you staring at her, then that might be good. So if you do like a little light disguise or like a different type of bigger shirt. That's a good idea. Maybe wear a hat every now and then. Yeah, do like a big hat, like a kind of an outdoor kind of hat or like a Nordic.

See if she really cares about you. Pretend you're sick and miss multiple weeks. See if she calls you. She's not going to call, dude. Yeah, she's not into it. We're kind of wasting our time because she kind of was like, I'm not into it. And he's like, should I wait a month? I wouldn't. I'd move on. Yeah, just don't move on outside of her like, I'm not into it. And he's like, should I wait a month? I wouldn't.

I'd move on. Yeah, just don't move on outside of her door, dude. Just keep it chill. I would wait until class is over and then maybe send a little message or something and just be appropriate about it and just say, hey, look, I think we should – I'm still interested if you are. And then just see what her response is. Dude, this is what I'd do. I'd make a mixtape on her ass. Who's doing that these days?

Drop her a nice little mixtape with a little Genuine on there. A little J. Cole. But make a mixtape with just that song on it ten times in a row, so she really gets the message. Yeah, dude. That's a great idea.

Do an art of her. Draw an art of her. Yeah, if you can draw, otherwise it's going to scare. It's going to scare either way. But yeah, just be patient, man. But hey, it was brave of you to shoot your shot, man. You know, she's the teacher and you took a shot at the teacher. A lot of young guys are afraid to do that. A lot of half your class is probably sitting around jerking off at night to her. And at least you tried to man up, you know? Yeah, it takes some balls to do that, but maybe move on, huh? What else we got? Up next, we got a little punk my uncle voice, a little punk my uncle.

This first one is from Derek Sintek. All right, this is from D-Sin. That's Steve Spurrier? Which one are we looking at? The one standing up This is God damn Is that Hey

Is this a Bad summit? Is this a KKK rally? Where the hell? What do you mean? It's just some white people enjoying a beverage. Everything is white and then a KKK rally. I don't know.

It looked weird, dude. Is that on the set of The Klansman? This is obviously a fantasy football draft way too early in the season. Okay. See, that started. Apparently, he got Patrick Mahone and just freaked out. Pass the fuck out. He also looks like the owner of the Raiders.

Oh, dude. Bring out the owner of the Raiders. Al Davis, he's dead. No, it's his son with that fucking dickhead haircut. Oh, me, Johnson. Dude, how you's his son with that fucking dickhead haircut. Oh, Mick Johnson. Dude, how you be a billionaire with that fucking haircut, man? That's the best way to be a billionaire. How you gonna have a bowl cut and have a billion dollars in the bank?

Bro, the guy has Down Syndrome. You would think, but he doesn't. He does it on purpose so you feel bad for him. Don't ask him for money. I don't think so, dude. Look at the picture. Do you think? I know.

It's confusing, right? Billion picture. Do you think? I know. It's confusing, right? Billion dollars. Hell yeah, I love that. I bet he cuts his own hair and I fucking praise that shit. I bet he pays a lot of money to have someone get the bowl out and cut his hair. That's a toupee, dude. If it's a bowl, it's a fucking very shallow dish. You mean a helmet?

It looks like a goddamn football helmet from the 1940s. What was this guy's question? Oh, sorry. Oh, no, this was the was this guy's question? Oh, sorry. Oh, no, this was the guy sending his uncle falling. That looked like Pat Summitt. Are we sure that wasn't Pat Summitt? Because I know she quit coaching. Oh, you know what? She passed away.

She did? Yeah. Cancer got her. Oh, really? Oh, wow. I didn't know that. She was a smoker, I think. Good coach, though. Yeah, she was one of the best, dude. And look at that. But now you can see very similar. If you look at that picture. Very similar haircut.

See, I thought it was the owner of the Raiders, but we're both wrong, I think. Again, it looks like maybe it was a behind-the-scenes of the Klansman movie or something. I don't know what's going on. Obviously, your uncle got Patrick Mahomes. I think you called it right, Brennan. Thanks, Doug. Way too early fantasy football draft at either an Applebee's or an Arby's that also has a bar in it.

Yeah. Those two guys went ham, bro. They went nuts. What else you got? I couldn't handle it, bro. Freaked out, dude. He couldn't handle the Todd Gurley slip to the seventh pick, dude. And he got bod squirrely, bro, and he couldn't even fucking take a step forward.

It's like his brain was like, hey, take a step forward, and both of his feet were like, nah. Not today. And he just fucking face-planted. Up next, we got Uncle Troy. Oh, yeah, and T-Roy, actually, is the correct way to spell it. This guy looks a little bit like my mother. T-Roy? Yeah.

This poor guy. He really does actually let's hit this viddy man oh this is just a picture oh it's just a picture of him it's just a picture wow of old uncle troy i mean maybe i shouldn't have loved you i don bro. Not as often as I could have. Is this clown my hound? Oh, dude, yeah. Is that a hound dog? Is that an old country hound dog with a hat on? What I want to know is how much gold is under that dude.

How many gold nuggets are under that guy's hat? Hey, did the San Francisco 49ers name their football team after this guy? Bro, this guy definitely has a couple pickaxes in his trunk. He looks like he didn't make the cut for the movie Tombstone and just fucking drank his life away. He also looks a little bit like my mother, which is crazy. He's a handsome dude.

Oh, a beautiful young man. And he has, it definitely seems like he's... Fallen some troubled times, though, didn't he? He looks like a guy who likes pumping gas, though. You know what I'm saying? He likes putting gas into the car. He looks like he just found out his cat lost an eye. Praise God, brother. What else we got all right boys we're gonna end it

on a little king it or sting it god damn you're oh that video's fucking classic up first we got our boy uh little bone jones everybody oh lbj little bone jones hey theo hey brennan this is sebastian out of Garland, Texas, and I got a King Eater stinger for you. Gang, brother. Guys with nipple piercings? Ooh. Gang, gang. Buzz buzz. Well, look,

here's you. You got to get them treated, though. Don't get the untreated ones because they rust. And that's what I've seen. Yeah, you don't want to go cheap with the nipple piercings, but also don't do them. You don't do them. It's not MTV Spring Break 1997.

We can't do that, dude. You can't get tramp tattoos, and you can't get nipple piercings. You also really can't have a long hair like that anymore. You know what I'm saying? And why is it so wet? Why is his hair so wet? Dude, he probably just got baptized or something man this guy looks like a quality young fella looks like a patriot

though i'll give him that oh aim small miss small man this dude would get it done against the brits okay i'll tell you that in a heartbeat yeah there's a problem you ain't lying oh bro he'll put the he'll put the queen in a casket if he had to you know what i'm saying this guy could get it done bro he'll winston churchill got nothing on this little bad boy. The only time I like piercings is if I'm at a strip club and some girl has some big old head ace. Really? And one's pierced.

It's interesting because you look like the kind of guy that would have your nipples pierced. Really? I feel like you would. No. After that rap video? I feel like you and your bro get your nipples pierced and spend all your money on fucking chicken wings at Hooters. The Hooters part, yeah.

But I'll say this. Get the pre-treated ones if you do. Get that pre-treated. You don't want the ones that will rust, man. I remember I was at a lake not too long ago in Oklahoma, and they had a guy out there, and one of his nipple rings was rusted. I was like, man, that's- Could be vintage.

You got to get the treatment on that steel. Dude, I just don't see the benefits to it, dude. What about when the sun hits it, when you got your chest out in the sun? That could be cool. Make a wolf look from far away. What was that? Oh, God,

I just don't see the benefits, man. I feel like you would hurt like a motherfucker. You've... Dead serious. Have you had your nipple pierced? No. Never? Never had. Have you had that nose pierced? I've pierced my ears a couple times.

No, I'm not piercing my nose, dude, because other bulls will come try to fuck me. So, but I've pierced my ears probably five or six times when I was a child. I might have pierced, I'll pierce something. I had like a growth on my hip. I think we pierced it one probably five or six times when I was a child. I might have pierced. I'll pierce something. I had like a growth on my hip. I think we pierced it one night.

Pierced a mole. Kat, just your ears are pierced. Have you had anything else? Nope. I am not fond of piercings. I like tattoos. Those are the only type of needles I can do. Do you have any tattoos?

Yeah. You do? Yeah. Okay. We went over this. I got one on my side, and then i'm getting another one in november what do you get in november uh on my arm you get you get sleeved up uh just my forearm i feel like you look sexy with a little nose piercing just a little ring i thought about it i'm i bet you

look cool does your sister have one no really just tattoos that surprises me. That surprises you. Well, shout out to this guy. I'm against nipple piercings. Where are you on nipple piercings? I'm out. It seems like a hassle, bro. Like TSA security, you have to take out your fucking nipples with your shoe. You know, it's too much, bro. Somebody will steal them, too, at security. They steal shit,

man. Oh, yeah, they do. Imagine a girl just licking your nipple with a pierce. That's not sexy dude I think it's brave though I think the dude Look man This guy obviously This guy likes to fuck

I'll tell you that right now This guy will fuck outdoors And I respect that He'll put on some fucking He looks like he'll put on some Bruce Springsteen And fuck your brains out I king it Alright boys

Last one This is from Daniel Grego Big Daniel Big D Damn what's up, dog? Got them guns out. I didn't know it was a gun show. Yo, Theo, Brendan, how's it going?

Coming at you live from sunny Colorado, Denver. I know that's your hometown, Big Brown. It looks cloudy. It looks cloudy, bro. I got a king of the stinger for you. Eating placentas. You know, you got those nice gooey stem cells. How do you feel about that?

Oh, got of debate, it looks like they're in a debate. He wants to eat that shit. And she's like, I don't think so. Well, if you go down on a girl who's pregnant, can you get stem cells like that? That's a good question. I've done my research.

Yeah. Well, I'll say this, man. I mean, now's a good time for you to do it, one. And B, this guy definitely seems, if he's had some stem cells injected straight into his shoulders and arms, man. This guy, yes, his wife is pregnant. He also may have twins in his fucking arms. This guy is humongous. This guy is a little jack-o'-lantern, man.

Yeah, dude's a little too swole for my liking. Even his tattoos are stretched to the max. You know what I'm saying? Wolodosius, man. I think this, dude. I think stem cells, yeah, get a couple. You know? I wouldn't pick up anything from the gas station,

like four-hour stem cells or anything. You're talking about that John Jones mix. Yeah, I'd get something real, not something that was whipped up in a kitchen, you know, like four-hour stem cells or anything. You're talking about that John Jones mix. Yeah, I'd get that fucking, I'd get something real, not something that was whipped up in a kitchen, you know? Like, John Jones gets his shit from fucking, you know, it seemed like from Papa John's or something. And then gets busted and freaks out. Oh, it's pulsing. Yeah, you got to get the real stuff.

Yeah, apparently he just injected it straight into his goddamn arms. I don't know, dude. I don't, I wouldn't fuck with it. Who knows about that? What if it makes everything grow? Like, what if you took it and made your nose grow bigger? You know what I'm saying? We don't know, dude. I wouldn't fuck with it. Who knows about that? What if it makes everything grow? What if you took it and made your nose grow bigger? You know what I'm saying? We don't need that. Well, maybe we do, man. Imagine if I was the ultimate

smell champion. Like you suck up all the oxygen? I do that and suddenly you can't even breathe anymore. Pass out. You take a deep breath, I pass out. What a great superpower wouldn't that be? Oh, you guys didn't believe me, huh? And you all just shut down and go to sleep?

That'd be a pretty dope superpower, wouldn't it? Then I steal everybody's shit. Yep, I take a little Daniel's fucking ID and put a different, his birth certificate and put a different date on it so he wakes up and thinks it's still his birthday. And everybody's like, okay, weird guy.

You know? I change everything. Anything that could happen. I take those nipple piercings out of you, Brendan. I don't have them, dude. Yeah, sure you don't, dude. Let me put this little metal detector by you. Okay.

The weirdest piercing for a guy is obviously belly button. Can't do that. Nipple piercing, a little strange. You ever seen what they call the prince of, what's the prince, the piercing? You know what I'm talking about? Oh, that Prince Albert. Yeah. You got Prince Albert in a can, let him out.

That means your wiener's got a hook in it. Yeah. But I'll say this, dude. The craziest piercing ever, Jesus Christ, dude. They pierced that dude right up against the fence. It was super goth. It was super goth, man.

Super goth at the time. And that's the piercing really that matters most, bro. You know? If Jesus took a couple, bro, you could take a couple, you little bitch. And I'm talking to myself.

I'm not talking to you, man. No, I feel you, man. We should all be taking piercings if Jesus did it. Dude, that's what I'm saying, bro. Put fucking one in each palm, dog. Pierce. No, I feel you, man. We should all be taking pairings if Jesus did it. Dude, that's what I'm saying, bro. Put fucking one in each palm, dog. Pierce your palm. See what's up.

Yeah, what are they going to say at the airport? They're not going to let me on the plane because I'm Christian, bro? I will start a real fire on Twitter after that. I'm going to say no

to stem cells. Really? I don't know enough about them. I would say I think I might be going to Vegas in about 11 days to get some injected into my back. I got to stay supportive. You got back rubs, bro? Yeah.

Even if I end up in a wheelchair, at least there'll be proof that I made some poor choices in my life, dude. Good luck, dude. That's it, boys. That's it, dawg? That's it. That was a quick one, man. That was a quick one, man. It was good, dawg. Good to be That's it, dawg? That's it. That was a quick one, man. That was a quick one, man. It was good, though.

Good to be back in here, dawg. Yeah, good to be back in here, man. Good to see you, dude. Good to see you, brother. A couple fire episodes recently, huh? Yeah, that was fun, man. That last one made me laugh so hard. So funny.

Buzz, buzz, gang, gang. You're off to get a car, dude. Yeah. Sick of Uber, huh? Yeah, I'm just a little sick of Uber. I want to have the options. I feel like Uber's sick of you. I could see that.

I feel like you jump in the front seat. You're the type of dude that jumps in the front seat. You get a lot of the same drivers. Really? Yeah. And they're like, oh, what's up, dude? Going back to... Yeah, forgot to tip me last time, dude.

And sometimes you just forget. You just go. You just cruise into the day. You just go, yeah. But it reminds you because you can't move on until you tip them. Or it says no tip. There's some King of the Sting fans out there. Some guys will pick me up and be like, no way.

That's cool, man. King of the Sting. So you decide to just get in the car. They're like, what's Brendan really like? And I'm like, oh, man. I just wish. You say he's cool? I said, man, he's really a real legend, that guy.

Yeah, right. You know? Dude, I had some dude. I got my coffee. He goes, oh, I went to the same high school as you. I went, you're lying. He didn't go to legend, that guy. Yeah, right. I had some dude, I got my coffee, he goes, I went to the same high school as you. I went, you're lying. He didn't go to high school, bro. He started laughing. He did go to high school with you.

I went, oh yeah, where was his first period? In his living room? Yeah, some guy was like, hey, I'm Brendan's son. I was like, okay. Here's his address. Go hit him up. The dude's definitely making child support now.

So go hit him up for it. Well, go get that car, man. We'll get you out of here. Yeah, man. Where are you going to be, brother? I'll be in, actually, I'm going to be in some Europe dates, Stockholm and Norway. Is that in September? Yeah, in September. Those are available at theovon.com slash tour.

Damn, you're doing the traveling, Mr. World. Mr. Worldwide! Mr. Worldwide! Where are you going to be? I'm in Nashville this week, Thursday, Friday, Saturday with Derek Poston. D-Post. Little dangerous, brown dangerous mouse.

Ahsan. The man. get your guns. And then I'm in Portland after that, and then Houston. Get your tickets, tpack.com. Good to see you, brother. Go get that ride, man. Gang, bro. Don't touch me. Don't touch me, dude.

But keep touching me.