The Golden Hour - Episode 33: Loitering Tits

Episode Date: August 22, 2019

The gang talks Deric getting bumped by Dave Chapppelle, Brendan distracted by Theo's tan, the fan that got Theo tattooed on him, Compton Krusty the Clown, Mexican Terrorists, Masturbating Hounds, Trans Am vs Trans Man, Favorite Wrestlers, all new Punk My Unc's, Catfish Noodlin, Pickle Back's, they also welcome in Ehsan Ahmad for today's show and much more!Hims - https://www.forhims.com/KATSWix.com - Join our Wix website competition by creating a free website at https://wix.com/go/KATS Email submissions to [e-mail] Get 20% off a yearly premium plan with code "KATS20"Raycon - https://www.buyraycon.com/KATSStance - https://www.stance.com/KATSSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A hairspray, dude. Get your life together. It is, you idiot. Don't touch me, bro. I'm not touching you, dude. The greatest show on earth! You're supposed to be Joe Coy, huh? Yes, sir.

Sorry, you fucker. That's how I feel about it. Because he's Asian? Huh? Because he's Asian? Hey, you know what you should do? Huh? What?

Get a little color in your show, bro. Look at my shows. I got two black guys open this weekend for me, bro. First of all... And you got the... I mean, you're... Hey, his son is a sand black. All right?

He's not with me this weekend. I got Chappelle Lacey and Derek Poston. Damn. Derek's a close thing I got to a white guy. You're going way dark. Derek's whiter than half the dudes I know. First of all, B, you're going way dark with Chappelle. He's so dark, but he's whiter than me and you inside.

Oh, dude, yeah. He's like one of those chocolate rabbits you get at Easter with that vanilla center. Yeah. He's like a Cadbury egg. That's what he is. He's a Cadbury brother. He's a Cadbury brother filled with whites. Yeah.

He got that white center. Green day. Yeah. Oh, dude. I patted him on the back the other day. He started singing all the small things. I'm like, this guy is very unique. This guy is one of a kind.

And then I played basketball with him. Even whiter. Really? The worst white guy I've ever seen play hoops. Oh, really? Yeah. I select him number one, standard, because he's the darkest guy. Not that, really, huh?

Worst I've ever seen. Oh, wow. Does he run when he, does he like shoot? It's just a nightmare. It was just horrific. It's sad when you see that, you know? It's a real bummer. It is a real bummer.

How did it happen? Where did you go wrong? Maybe he grew up by a library or something. How does that even happen? Maybe his babysitter was Spencer's. Like, what are we doing, dude? But imagine being a guy, you know, a strong brother, and not being able to hoop, going to the hoop court,

jumping rope or something. People are like, what the fuck? He was doing backflips and trying to be a fucking cheerleader. Like, all right, dude. It's like being black having a small dick. The worst, dude. The worst. The the worst i'm not thinking about that you're you're not no well there's some stereotypes for a reason it's still morning bro i'm not thinking about black you know anybody's dick before and this is starting to feel racist to me dude well let's go for full circle here i was just

saying you should maybe put a little pepper into your shows, man. I come to your shows, it looks like a goddamn Trump rally. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Bro, first of all, if it is a Trump rally, he won. He's basically the Toronto Raptors of America. Okay. B, what was the question again? Just how you need to pepper up your shows, man.

I come and it's like a goddamn KKK. I got Ari Maness out there, that smoky little Jew, dude. So he's always taking pictures. I'm sure he's going to sue me in a couple years for something. He's probably taking money from you now you don't know about. I hope he is. You know what I'm saying? I hope he is too.

Yeah. But yeah, I thought about getting somebody, dude. Yeah. I mean, you're getting dark. from you now you don't know about i hope he is you know what i'm saying i hope he is too yeah so but yeah i thought about getting somebody dude yeah i mean you're getting dark have you been tanning have you just been out in the sun no you're so you're darker than me right now i think you and asana are the same shade oh yeah it is kind of uh yeah it's pretty true actually yeah well yes look at take it easy. Derek's the only brother in here, bro. So let's don't. Culture, culture. But no, we got a beautiful culture corner today.

Derek got that haircut, huh? Looking saucy, right? He thinks he's so sexy. Had to get that mop off my head, dog. You know what I mean? Yeah, bro. What made you decide to do that? Because that's a big decision.

You had kind of the. Yeah, you had kind of a black guy that plays basketball in the 70s style. Yeah, there you go. I was going to let you take that one before. Yeah, you had kind of a black guy that plays basketball in the 70s style. Yeah, there you go. I was going to let you take that one before. Dip my toe in that. Yeah, you had that baby Frederick Douglass rock. It was just time. One of the comments said I look like Krusty the Clown if you grew up in

Compton. And I was like, it's time. That'll do it. It hurt a little bit. I was like, damn, I do look like Krusty the Clown. That'll stay. Damn, that's crazy. How about Derek? He was going to goed the Clown. That is crazy. Damn, that's crazy. How about Derek? He was going to go on the other night, and Dave Chappelle cut in front of him. Bumped me. Tell this story.

I love this story. There's four people in the belly room. I'm about to go up. My friend is bringing me up, another door guy. And he's going. He has no idea Dave's in the room. I'm thinking, oh, this is my moment. Dave's watching.

And he goes, hey, the next guy coming up, he's my best friend. He used to sleep on my couch. He smokes a lot of weed. He's just joking around. And then he goes, hey, the next guy coming up, he's my best friend. He used to sleep on my couch. He smokes a lot of weed. He's just joking around. And then Dave goes, all right, I'm going up. And I'm like, ah. And so I walk to the back. And then Matt goes, all right, guys, Dave Chappelle.

Dave walks up and he goes, I don't know who that Derek nigga was, but his credits were terrible. Yo. It was awesome, man. And then I left. And then like 10 minutes later, they come and grab me. Yo, Dave's looking for you. He's looking for you. I run back up.

He starts going back and forth with me. He's like, yo, what up, man? I'm sorry I had to bump you, but I had to do it. And I was like, it's all good, bro. And he goes, oh, shit, nigga, you black? I'd have let you go up. And we just played, man. It was great.

It was great. That's cool, dude. Isn't that funny? Yeah, and at least the next time you see me, you can talk to him or whatever. That's played, man. It was great. It was great. That's cool, dude. Isn't that funny? Yeah, and at least next time you see him, you can talk to him or whatever. That's great, bro. Oh, that sucks, too, though. Yeah, it also sucked, too. Part of it also sucks.

Really hard. Especially if it's your own people bumping you. That's a legit point. Well, there's also a lot of problems in the black community where they don't share opportunities with one another. Unless they preach. Yeah, yeah it's a rap group but yeah i mean they'll throw as many people unless you want to be a bodyguard dude you know they'll let you in on that all day sometimes i feel like a black guy's born in like a shirt that says security on the back yeah they could i don't know dude can we just start this episode before before we get any more racist All I do is

But I love how Isanade is in the worst disguise ever It's obviously He's the worst spy I've ever seen Hey ISIS do better I'm trying to think of who you look like right now If there's a Halloween costume for ISIS spy It'd look like that right now

Yeah bro You look like Elmer Dudd, bro. But actually, at the same time, you look nice, man. You definitely look like that kind of guy. You look like a surreper. You look like that kind of mysterious surreper in Vermont. Like, oh, who's that guy over there tapping into that tree? No, he looks like an Uber driver in Portland that, when you bring it up, it says, likes to talk.

Yeah, that's crazy. Or he looks like a dude if you walked into Blockbuster, he's going to tell you the history of the movies you want to see. He just knows his shit about movies. That'd be kind of cool if they had that feature in a Blockbuster, like a film historian, you walk in and you're like, oh, let's get this guy, you know, let's get the guy to show us around a little bit. Yeah, that'd be dope.

He takes you on a tour of all the- Tour guide of all the movies? Yeah. That'd be pretty dope, actually. That'd be a cool movie, too. Yeah. I'd like Danny McBride to play that guy. How about Ahsan's dad's a straight-up rocket scientist?

Is he really? Whenever people have questions- I do this, actually. Yeah, I just text him. Bro, what do you think of this? All the time. Does your dad think we went to the moon or not? Did he say anything?

Oh, yeah. We definitely went to the moon, according to him. Yeah. Yeah. But how does he know? I trust him. I trust him. He's your dad.

Wow. Family trust, bro. He's your dad. Something I'm not very familiar with, actually. Derek's dad told him Batman lived in Nashville for the longest, because they have that building with the two ears on it. Oh, yeah. He told him it was Bruce Wayne's building.

Thought that until we went. Literally, we got there. We get there. The city skyline. He goes him it was Bruce Wayne's building. Thought that until we went. We got there. We get there. The city skyline. He goes, dude, that's Batman. I went, what the fuck are you talking about? He's heartbroken, dude. He had a terrible show that night. Did you really? It kind of stuck with me. He was heartbroken, dude.

It kind of stuck with me. But you look very tan, bro. Do I? You look very tan. I've just been sleeping indoors. You went to Vegas. I didn't doing anything. Oh, I did go to Vegas. How was Vegas? Oh, it was awesome. Are you a Vegas fan? Dude, some guy in the middle of the night was peeing off of a bridge, but it was indoors. I don't think he realized that he was like in.

It was like one of those... Is that like the Venetian where they have like the Italian gondola where the fuck it is? Yeah, like a fountain. Yeah, this guy's pissing off of that. I'm like, this guy's fucked up, dude. You gotta go outdoors, I told him. Yeah, that's the problem. You never, ever see the outside in Vegas. They do it on purpose.

Well, they almost build a lot of outdoors indoors because you walk through this part, it's like a little forest. Yeah, man. If you're dumb, you could be in there hunting. I have a weird relationship with Vegas, man. It's not, I mean, people love it. I just, I don't know. It's not for me.

Not for me, dude. All right. We'll see, dude. Yeah, you do look very tan, though. I do? Yeah, you look tan. Dude, quit looking at my skin, bro. What kind of creep are you?

It's kind of what's distracting. I look in your eyes, and that's it, dude. That's it, dude? I'm going to look at the rest of another man. You don't see it? No, you crazy guy. All right, dude. Just saying, you look super tan, dude.

Really? Yeah. It's not a bad thing. I saw that maybe you got some going on. Mm-mm. I don't know what it is, maybe. Some type of deficiency or something. You think? It's a bad thing. I said, maybe you got some going on. Mm-mm. I don't know what it is, maybe. Some type of deficiency or something. You think?

It's a good thing. Let's kick this off, dude. Theo, actually, real quick. Somebody got you tatted on them, dog. Are you serious? Dead serious. And I mean, tatted. Is that Theo Vons, that Kevin Bacon melting?

Kevin? Oh, my god, bro. Yep. Oh, that's Kevin Bacon from Hallow Man. And fucking there's a rat as a sidekick. Oh my god. That's beautiful. First of all, the tattoo is good.

The guy did a great job with the tattoo art. He got that nose for sure. Bro, can you quit talking about my nose, dude? I can't even talk about your nose? No, you can. I'm saying that could talk about another feature sometime. Oh, you have a nice eye. I was talking about your skin earlier, dude.

You didn't like that, man. Yeah, but you said it was tan. You didn't say it was nice. I'm sorry I didn't call you white. My bad. Well, what I'm saying is I think they did a really accurate job on you. Yeah, I think it's great. It's really, really good work.

I wish I looked better than that in regular life. That's the sad thing about a tattoo. It's like, man, damn, that's how I look. Portraits are tough. Portraits are tough. One eye down, and it's game over. Game over. Yeah, my eyes don't match.

I think there's definitely somebody out there who has one of my eyes. I love the rat, though, right there, huh? That rat is saucy. Yeah, no, that's a dope tattoo. That rat is saucy, man. Oh, wait, and I met the guy who did this in Disneyland, actually. I met the guy that does this tattoo, I think. Really?

Yeah, I can't believe I didn't see that on Instagram. Does he do tattoos at Disneyland? When was this? Do you know? It was yesterday. Oh, I wonder if it's still on my Instagram. I could share it. Does he do tattoos in the haunted house?

What's going on here? Is that where you met him? Do we know who did it? Yeah, the guy that... He also is the driver on the Jungle Cruise. Is he really? I don't know, dude. You're the one that met him at Disneyland. I'm just spitting ideas out. Who is the driver on the Jungle Cruise? Is he really? I don't know, dude.

You're the one that met him at Disneyland. I'm just spitting ideas out. Jamie Lee Parker. Jamie Lee Parker, dude. First of all, sounds like somebody that's going to shoot a president. Oh, Ink Master season 11? Is that a show? Or has a set of double D's and make pornos.

What is it, Jamie Lee? Jamie Lee Parker. They were on Ink Master season 11. I bet Kevin Bacon's thrilled about it. Damn, bro. That's crazy. That's really good work, man. The coloring, the shading's ridiculous. Is that a calf?

Yeah. Leg tap. Damn, I thought that was a long tit. I thought it was someone's neck. I thought it was your boy Long Neck. Oh, dang. That'd be crazy, huh? I thought Long Neck got a new tattoo.

That'd be so wild if he got that just you on the side of his neck he has one of the worst tattoos it says like lick here and it's just pointing at like someone his chest the air is kind of awful hey but of course yeah but of course yeah that's true yeah that's what he would have yeah it's dope what else is you can put your whole family tree on will sasso's calf oh you put yeah. You put your mom, brother, animals, everything. Biggest calf I've ever seen, dude. Really? Oh, my God. You got big calves, huh?

He's just a big dude. Yeah? He's the biggest friend we have. Dude, how could you wear that much yellow and just be okay when you leave the house? What do you mean? What do you mean, dude? What's wrong with yellow? How can you wear that much yellow? You have that much yellow?

You have a yellow watch? You have a yellow hat? Well, this is gold, but sorry. Gold, whatever. It's still yellow. Yellow? Yeah. Dude, you're in sweats head to toe.

You have a necklace on. I'm sorry. Is it Sweat Friday? Okay, dude. Did everyone get the memo in the email to dress like assholes? I'm sorry. Are you flying Spirit Airline after this? Why are you dressed like that? You look like somebody.

Dude, you look like. You look like you picked your outfit out from that place where you trade in tickets at Dave & Buster's, dude. Dude, you look like a lifeguard of a junkyard. That's true, I do look like a lifeguard of a junkyard. That's true. I do look like that. You look like Patrick Swayze if you got caught in a tanning bath. You look like Patrick Swayze. What do you look like?

With that twink hat on, bro. The twink hat? Dude, look at your haircut. Speaking of twinks, dude, you look like Kevin Bacon if he grew up in Chernobyl. That's what that tattoo looks like. Wouldn't you get that hat at a Lion King gift shop? That thing looks like shit, bro. It looks like shit, bro.

You look like a fucking endangered species, dude. That people are rooting to go endangered. People are basically in the woods chanting, you're the last one to be like, kill yourself. Kill him. Wow, man. Let's do this, man. Yeah, let's get into this.

Let's get into this. Let's start with a little clown, my hound, boys. Up first, this is Zeus. We got Zeus. And what's Zeus? Oh, wow. A powerful looking dog. He's a big fella. Is this racist? Sometimes when I see dogs, I think what ethnicity would own that dog?

We know who would own this dog. Well, it could be anything. It could be... I don't know. That's a boxer. Well, that could be a british dog a boxer is a british dog dude no you're saying british boxer the uh you're thinking of the wrestler the wwe wrestler boxer british the bulldog british the bulldog beefcake yeah talk

about a beefcake oh yeah there's also a boy's cheeked up too if you remember that boy's cheek he's the first guy out of England with not a flat ass. Yeah, he did have a nice ass. What kind of dogs do you guys have out there, Ehsan? Where you guys are from? Oh, my whole family is afraid of dogs. Really? Yeah.

Is that a new dog? I'm not trying to be racist. You guys like cats, right? We have no pets in our family. We're a pet-less family. Well, what about Indians in general? Well, that's obviously, if someone doesn't have pets, dude, it's because they're not planning on being alive very long.

Because they're planning on sacrificing themselves. Yeah, we just have a lot of meeting rooms. That's all we have. A lot of conference tables, huh? God, that's got to suck, man. If you grew up in a house where you know everybody's a terrorist, and you're just like, oh, yeah, we're all just going to die in a couple years. It'd be tough to get excited to run errands on Saturdays.

Yeah. Why do I have to clean the pool, Dad? We're all going to be dead in two months. Oh, they're Mexican. Hey, homes, why do I have to clean the pool, dad! We all gonna be dead soon, S.A.! Apparently you got yours confused. Damn, dad, you build the worst fucking bombs, dad.

Hey man, hey homes! What's up with these bombs, homes? This bomb needs more gasoline in it, papa. More gasolina. Gasolina. Bro, we need more Mexican fucking bombers, man. I do. There's no Mexican terrorists. They got their cartels, but whatever,

you know? Yeah, but I would love to see that. That would be a good movie, huh? About a Mexican... It's a special type of dude to blow yourself up. And what is it called, somebody that blows himself up? It's not a philanthropist. It's the opposite of a philanthropist. I think it's a terrorist. Terrorist, yeah.

Just terrorist. Dude, we need that wild Mexican terrorist on a caballero on a horseback. That little jalapeno hitter. Yeah, bro, just fucking running around. Pop, pop, pop, pop. That double-decker hitter, baby. Yeah, that'd be beautiful. Fuck yes.

This dog, listen, I... This really whole podcast turned into a bunch of racism. All I said was darken up your audience a little bit, and you went on this tangent. Like your name's fucking Dukes from... Duke of Hazzard? David Duke of Hazzard? No, David Duke. I used to share a back fence with David Duke.

We used to go to the gym, actually. That's a true story, but... Really? Yeah. Dude, I'll to the gym, actually. That's a true story. Really? Yeah. Dude, I'll tell you this, man. What? Choose carefully what you say now. Oh, yeah.

Look. I'll tell you what, man. He's actually a really good guy. As a matter of fact, we're thinking of starting a podcast together. I know. Called Make America Great. Bro, he taught me some weightlifting exercises and stuff like that. He's skinny as fuck.

Bro, he was jack some weightlifting exercises and stuff like that. He's skinny as fuck. Bro, he was jacked back in the day. Really? He used to date the finest girl that worked at this seafood restaurant or worked at. Was she black? Stephanie, I think her name was, or Jessica, which is basically the same name. Fucking, can we shut one of those names down? Pick a lane. Stephanie is Jessica.

Jessica is Stephanie, dude. It's like Mary Sarah. Yeah. Same name. Get rid of them. But yeah, and we would go to the gym. Yeah. Same name. Get rid of him. But yeah, he, and we would go to the gym sometimes, man, because we shared a back fence. I never saw him do anything, you know, egregious.

What's he going to do with you there, dude? He even recycled. So it's like, you know, he always had his recycling bin out there. It's hard to believe that he was also that, you know, a guy who was just, you know, really super pro-white, you know? Really? None of that came off to you? I don't know, man. I didn't see that side of him. Do you think he missed the signs?

No, I think it was just a period in his life where he's like, oh yeah, this is what I think I'm going to get into. And then he was like, ah, nah, it's not really the coolest thing. And he just kind of got back into the gym. You think? I think so.

You don't think he was too comfortable dropping the N-bomb around here? I do. Like, that's weird. Bro, everybody, you know. When you put on LL Cool J and he freaked the fuck out and didn't go to the gym, that wasn't a red flag to you? Dude, he listened to Boyz II Men, I remember. So you gotta.

Maybe he's just doing homework. That's gonna be it, man. But anyway, yeah, this dog seems, first of all, this dog seems old as fuck ski bro and this thing obviously has breathing issues yeah i'd hate sleeping next to this fucking loud muppet well they sent a video of him check this out look at this oh he's crunk is he oh yeah that's abuse brother that's assault brother damn bro

yeah that dog went all out he's like a white receiver in the NFL you gotta make the team bro whatever it takes the black dudes don't do that in the NFL he's kind of in between black and white. He's kind of like a Plaxico Burris.

But he has the white mentality. He has all the abilities and then fucking shoots himself in the foot. Right at the last minute. Wow, bro. Wow, that was intense. Let me see that one more time. It's pretty good. If you guys can't

see this at home, this dog runs about 100 yards right into a truck. Boom! And not a moving truck. I want to tell you, the dog doesn't die. The dog doesn't die. It's a parked car. They definitely did it on purpose. It's a parked car.

Apparently, Drew Brees threw this Frisbee because it's about 150 yards. And this dog sells out. Definitely a CT from it, and you can tell because he looks like a dumbass in the still picture. He looks so out of it in the picture. I wonder if his nose was pointy at the beginning of this, because his nose is very flat at the end.

He has a nose like Matty Pacquiao now. Guys, yeah, he really, I mean, this is insane. How do you even pull this off? I mean, this dog runs and runs right into that fucking truck, jumps right into the side of it. Head first. Dude, I saw a Doberman off I-10 one time over by the rest area,

and it jumped out of the back of a pickup truck while the truck was doing 70 miles on the interstate, and literally just scattered into different pieces. We were driving. Oh, he died? This thing jumped right out the back, yeah. And he died? I'm sure he died. I mean, I don't know if he can be alive and be in, like, 15 different pieces. We were driving. Oh, he died? This thing jumped right out the back, yeah. And he died? I'm sure he died. I mean, I don't know if he can be alive

and be in like 15 different pieces. Well, it could be Terminator 2, you know? That's true. It could have been. Yeah, so maybe he's alive, but it looked like he was dead. Bunch of pieces. But yeah, it was a different time, man.

It was a different time back when I don't think dogs were as excited about their lives. Well, people didn't care about them as much now. Now, fuck, man. You can't do anything. Oh, yeah. Did you see that YouTuber slapping that dog around? Uh-uh.

Oh, man. I don't watch that kind of stuff. What are y'all doing? What are you doing? It's all over the internet. I'm living, Theo. You're not living, man. I'm living, dude.

No, you aren't. It's all over the internet. What else we got? I like that hand. Up next, we got Sparky. This is Sparky. Ooh, Sparky. He likes to masturbate to other male dogs.

Oh, so he's rubbing his wiener on the floor, huh? Yeah. Oh, it's the Louis C.K. of dogs. Apparently he's just jacking off next to the thing. He asked first though, dog. He did. How old is he, I think, ballpark? That's a Chihuahua, man.

They are an interesting fucking breed. Dude, we had a Chihuahua bus growing up. Biggest dick you ever seen, dude. Really? Oh, felt so bad for the guy. Yeah, we had a Chihuahua bus growing up. Biggest dick you ever seen, dude. Really? Oh, felt so bad for the guy. Yeah, it's exhausting. Because I was born with an adult penis, and it's just hard. You don't realize the labor people go through.

It's tough carrying that weight, bro. It's like when you see a girl with big titties. I don't think of, oh, how fun are those going to be? I think of their back pain. Well, these days, I'm so tired, I don't want to lift up some big tit. I don't want that tit in my face. Lift those bitches yourself. You grew them. You know?

I ain't lifting some big two-hander. Get the fuck out of here with that. You grew those fucking watermelons? Yeah, bro. Now you take care of them, man. What are you talking about? You grew those beanbags, man. Some you take care of them, man. You grew those. It's like me to freaking, what are you talking about? You grew those bean bags, man.

Some ladies have these bean bags. You had a kid sitting on one of them. There's like a PlayStation remote tucked away in between. Dude, tits are out of control, bro. They're just too out of control, man. Yeah. They're too out of control, these big titties. And big loiterers, bro.

And big fucking milk jugs, bro. Yeah, what the fuck is this dog? Send us a name. That dog don't count. But to the dog's point, he's jacking off to the side. In the dog world, the dog in front of him does have some cakes. That's a good point. The dog's cheeked up.

If you look at the picture, that dog has some cakes out the back. Yeah, that dog really got a real butt on him. You know, sometimes butts, they just aren't on girls. I'm a heterosexual man, but sometimes, like at the airport, I saw this dude. Derek and Ahsan can vouch for this. We saw this guy at the Burbank airport. Top five best asses I've ever seen. I got off the plane.

I went, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I went, stop, stop. Look at that guy's ass everyone whoa he had these khakis yeah and this fucking blowout ass man the out the back it was distracting jesus god he could have made a lot of money somewhere else i would say dude don't check my luggage yeah shake them cheeks he was real cheeked up That's beautiful

I've never seen anything like it Looked like Saquon Barkley Or some shit It was just Wow Yeah It was amazing I'll probably see him tomorrow

I'll help I don't know if I've seen Anybody's ass I don't know if I've ever Seen a real good ass On a man I don't think It's very rare

It's very rare We used to have this guy And he was a librarian And he had a pretty nice ass, I remember. And they're always in khakis. Yeah, this guy was in khakis a lot, actually. Yeah. But that makes sense. If you got a nice ass, you ain't putting it in no JNCOs or nothing, you know?

You're going to treat it right. Yeah, you got to treat it right. The other thing you got to remember about khakis, too, one of the reasons why that ass pops out the back, because if you're wearing khakis, you're kind of a dork. Or it or it's a uniform you gotta tuck the shirt in so that ass flops out the back oh yeah you know what i'm saying you got the polo tucked in like you might have a ridiculous ass but you always have baggy clothes on we don't know you're right just like roseanne uh what else we got you look you're dressed like this yellow rose of texas bro you look dude you look like What else we got? You look... You dress like these yellow rows of Texas, bro.

You look fucking unbelievable. Dude, you look like Rosie O'Donnell's side piece. And you guys have the same stylist. You look like one of the Fruit of the Loom characters that just shows up on drugs like everybody else is like the red strawberry, the green line. On the banana?

And you're the fucking banana that fucking left home early. You look like one of those people from Breaking Amish that leaves and fucking comes back a week later. All tats, just experienced everything in one week. In one week? Yeah. Had a great time? You got 60 tats, put on a bunch of bad shirts, a couple fake rollies in your back.

And suddenly you don't know how to use a shovel anymore. What else we got? Up next, we got a little debate club, boys. Up first, this is Caleb from Phoenix. Oh, wow. Caleb from Phoenix. Doing the Lord work. Hey, Theo.

Hey, Brandon. Got a debate club for you here. You said me first. The General Lee from Duke's Hazard or the Trans Am from Smokey and the bandit what do you guys think what would you rather have i know brandon you're a little bit of a car guy here so you might be more interested in this one uh for me i'm thinking the trans am gang but let me know gang gang buzz buzz first of all funny we mentioned duke's, and he brought it up again. That's called? Serendipity.

Psychology, idiot. Second of all, this guy. Let me guess which one Theo's going to pick. First of all, is there a reason that guy's dressed like Saturn? Did we put him back up there for a second? Is he live from Chernobyl? Why is he dressed like that? What did he have the hat on? Is he at a party or something?

Caleb Buecher right there, my boy right there. Oh, I thought he was at like a, you know, I don't know. Yeah, maybe he's at a special. I thought he was at a rave or something. That General Lee is badass, and that thing can hop, bro. That's the thing about the General Lee, dude. It would jump over. Is that all you like about it?

Anything, huh? Is that all you like about it? It's a beautiful car. It says Southern Hitter. Yeah, it's Southern Hitter. Yeah, dude. It's a nice car. Did you and your boy Duke

maybe talk about those? Never mean no harm. My only never thought what the money did to the law that you were born. Listen, man. I'm getting away.

Anywhere in the world. You'll be honest. I've never seen the show. You're lying, man. I'm going to make it in a way. In a way, in a way. I'm going to be honest. I've never seen the show. You're lying, bro. Because I'm not racist. So the thing is about the Trans Am, dude, you give me a jean jacket, put on a little fucking white snake. Give you a jean jacket? Yeah, bro.

What else do you have? You have 70 then? I do love denim. Dude. I love denim. I need to hook you up with some sort of fat. Oh, my God, bro. I'm a Trans Am guy. And also the Dukes of Hazzard racist. First of all, Dukes of Hazzard,

one of the top... It's a beautiful car. First of all, one of the only... Who else has ever done an orange car? Nobody, dude. I mean, T-Pain has a ton of them. Does he? But still, I think you to go with that General Lee, man. It's a beautiful car.

It's not racist, dude. I knew you were going to pick that one. Trans-am all day, bro. Trans-am, bro? Trans-am, bro. For a trans man. And you know what? I knew you were going to say that, too.

Checkmate, dude. I knew you were going to say that. I knew you were going to say that. gonna say that too checkmate dude i knew you were gonna say that i knew you were gonna say that hope you slip and fall davin buster's picking out a fucking necklace for tomorrow 62 this is theo watching django bro whatever dude i'm just saying sometimes black people could hurry up a little. I saw 12 Years a Slave. I think they could have done it in eight.

I agree. They could have done it in eight, man. That I agree on. I'm just saying, sometimes they can step it up. Too relaxed in that movie. What else you got? 62% went with General Leto. Wow.

They did. Great car. It's a beautiful car, man. It's a history, man. And those guys are good. Bo and Luke Duke. One of them's homosexual. Lee, though. Wow. They did. Great car. It's a beautiful car, man. It's a history, man. And those guys are good. Bo and Luke Duke. One of them's homosexual. Oh, wow.

Wow. Didn't they recreate it, though? Did Ben Stiller do that movie? No, that's Starchy and Hutch. They recreated the Dukes of Haze, though. Starchy and Hutch, Sean William Scott, and John Knoxville.

Yep, sure did. Wow. Your best did it. Oh, yeah, and Jessica Simpson. Jessica Simpson did it. She sure is. Ooh-wee! Talk about them MTV hitters.

Boy, she came with the natties. The natties. Dude. First team all natural milk jugs, bro. There's nothing all natural in that girl, bro, except for probably bad ideas. Isn't she has natural breasts? I know this. Really? Yeah natural breasts? I know this. Really?

Yeah. You don't know that. Dude, ask Nick Lachey. Dude, I'm not asking him that. 98 degrees, bro. I saw him at the airport one time in Cincinnati. Small dude. I saw him too.

I'm not asking him that. You should ask him. Dude, those are all natural hitters. I don't know. Cat, what do you have? Dude, they're all natural. Please talk. I'm just tired of listening to Brendan for a second.

I don't know. I got to see him. Sorry, Brendan. Do you know Jessica Simpson? She came a little before you. Yeah, I know Jessica Simpson. Yeah, but did you know her, know her, when she and Nick Lachey were talking about chicken of the sea? Yeah, and she thought it was chicken tuna.

I don't give a fuck. But who wouldn't think that? It says chicken on the can. You can't tell what kind of meat it is when you get in there, really. That's fair. Those cans don't say it. Is it? Yeah. Is it? Chicken of the sea? Chicken of the sea? Chicken is a bird. get in there, really. That's fair. Those cans don't say it. Is it? Yeah.

Is it? Chicken of the sea. Chicken is a bird. Yeah, sure, dude. Yep. So it could be in anywhere. It could be in the land. To me, you know, everyone had their favorites, like Brittany and Christina Aguilera, even

though she blew up now. But you got to have all your favorites. Mine was always Jessica Simpson, even before she got big. I like the brat. I like the brat. Oh, well, she doesn't like you. Yeah. Because she likes girls, bro. Yeah before she got big. I like the brat. I like the brat. Oh, well, she doesn't like you because she likes girls, bro. Yeah, she likes women. She likes women.

I like J-Lo for a little bit. Oh, I still like J-Lo. Every bit of 50. Whoa, Jessica Simpson is quickly turning into Dog the Bounty Hunter's wife. How dare you, bro? No, she's not. She's pregnant there. Open that picture bigger. She's pregnant there, dude. Dude, she's pregnant with pups, bro. She dare you, bro? No, she's not. She's pregnant there. Open that picture bigger.

She's pregnant there, dude. Dude, she's pregnant with pups, bro. She's pregnant, dude. That's Dog the Bounty Hunter's wife, bro. How many nipples are on each tit? That's what I want to know. Dude, she has those. Let's get that picture a little larger if we can.

She has some puppies, some sweater pups. Oh, what? God diggity dog. Oh my God, dude, I saw a dog the bounty hunter at the airport. Did he talk shit to you? No, no. He was walking by and I wanted to go up and say to him, but it looked... Did he think you were his son?

I don't know. I wanted to be like, I love Leland. Oh, he should have went up and went, good work, man. Thanks for keeping America safe. That would boost his ego. But dude, he was so crazy. I was just sitting there and he walked right by. Did he have the glasses on? Yeah, he's got the bounty on her.

Yeah. And all the Julian shit? He's going to have short hair when he walks by. You think he's in a wig or something? Yeah, I feel like you and him get home and do the same thing. And then you just have this shit hair. He looked just like he looks, man. He's a beautiful guy. I can't believe you didn't get a picture with him.

I'm glad I found my dad. I thought about it, man. Honestly, man. He's a beautiful guy. I can't believe you didn't get a picture with him. I thought about it. I'm glad I found my dad. I thought about it, man. I really, honestly, I did regret it a little bit. He did just lose his wife, though. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I was like, maybe he's just going through a lot. I didn't want to approach him.

That's why if you would have went up and went, dude, thanks for keeping America safe, it would have made his day, dude. Yeah, that's a good point. Because it's obviously a lie. I should have handled it a little bit differently. Yeah, you kind of panicked. Jess Simpson has those sweater hitters, though. I don't know. Oh, come on, dude. Give her Simpson has those sweater hitters though. I don't know. Oh, come on, dude. Give her the credit,

man. I'll be a hater. At a certain point, the tits are attached to the brain and it just seems like you're not getting a lot of 100% brain out of that gal. Yeah, because all the fluids in her tits. She's always cutting weight, bro. I bet she has a lot of good ideas in her

tits, though.its Yeah I got some ideas She definitely looks like Beth Chapman in that picture I don't think we can deny that Is she pregnant? Yeah she's pregnant in that picture Her hands on her belly for God's sake What's she pregnant with dude? Beth Chapman? What does it look like?

She has three kids She has another one on the way But if you go to a younger picture And her man was a quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys. Sure was. Wow. Why I know so much, I don't know. Her sister seems like an angel as well. Ashley Simpson?

You married a black fella. Is she really? Yep. Well, there's nothing wrong with that. No, I'm just giving you facts, dude, because you don't know shit. You sounded like you were driving the General Lee there for a second, buddy. I sound like I was working out with that Duke guy. Hey, bro.

What else we got? Bro, chest and trot. I'm just saying the guy had good form. He never said anything. He spotted you well? Erroneous. I thought he did. That's fair.

That's fair. He was what he was, bro. Up next, this is from Roman from Tulsa. He said in the debate club this was a little different. He didn't follow the format, but I think we can make an exception for this guy. What's up, Dylan? My name's Roman. I'm from Tulsa, Oklahoma.

What's your favorite restaurant? Mine's Bronx, Truman. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. Aw, cutie. Super cute. That's a cute. How old is that guy? Probably seven.

Oh, okay. What was the question? Favorite wrestler. Who are your favorite wrestlers? Favorite wrestlers. WWE. Dude, I grew up. Were you a WWE guy?

Yeah, big boss man, baby. Big boss man. I was macho man. I was a macho man, Randy Savage. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay. Oh, yeah. Whoa, bro. Stop doing that legit dude legit i like tim and the warrior

those are my faves ultimate warrior is the best and to me my brother would act like the bash brothers oh yeah we do this we would drink a bunch of kool-aid and put our tongues out yeah y'all are still doing that yeah we'd run into each other and get brain trauma and one thing that was cool was i remember sc Steiner and the Steiner brothers from NWA. I was never NWA. Or from, what was the other wrestling federation called? WCW. My brain is slow today.

WCW. WCW. It's always slow. WCW. Yeah. It wasn't WCW. There's WWE, WWF, WCW, NWA. It was the National Wrestling Association.

Will you look that up, please, Derek? That's right. Because I don't know if I'm insane or if that's a real thing that happened. No, you're right. NWA is a real thing. But NWA, I thought, was a group. They were a group in music, but I think- No, but you're right, though, Theo, because that's where Hulk Hogan-

National Wrestling Alliance. You're right, though. You were right, though, because that's where Hulk Hogan went back. And then Ric were right, though. You were right, though, because that's where Hulk Hogan went back. Yeah, Hulk Hogan was Hollywood Hulk Hogan at NWA. Really? Yeah. Because they had the Steiner brothers in there, and those guys were always dressed like

high school wrestlers they had on the unitards. With the things over their ears. Dude, cover your ears because it's going to get a little graphic, but dude, when I was a kid, I used to jack off to Sable from WWE. Who's Sable? Oh, bro, she's married to Brock Lesnar now. But, dude, in her heyday, she was like the first WWE.

Looking it up. Jesus Christ. You put Cable. She got those fake milk bags. I think they're real. They look nice. No, I think they're real They look nice No I think they're real Now remember

I was like nine So that was cool When I was nine Now I'm like Oh she looks ridiculous Yeah she looks like a child Now she looks like an asshole When I was nine

Between that And the Mercedes Rap album Dude Busville Yeah Population This guy

Dang guy Yeah Back off your own Johnson, brother. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God, dude. Macho man, dude. Macho man and Randy Savage. I think I liked, I really liked,

he was probably one of my favorites. I feel like you'd be like an Undertaker guy. No, I was back. I like the Ultimate Warrior. I don't like the Undertaker. I like the Ultimate Warrior. I feel like we're forgetting someone. Let's see.

Bret the Hitman Hart. Andre the Giant. I like Brutus the Barber Beefcakes. Ooh, I liked him. Remember the animal? The bald guy? Oh, I like Mankind. I don't remember that.

Mankind, he put a sock on and we're like, eww. He's like, eww. That's crazy. Ew, it's nuts. That's crazy. It's nuts. That's where it got dumb, I think. I liked it when they had Boss Man. He was a real police officer. And I liked Coco Beware.

Remember the guy with the bird? Oh, yeah. Dude, how about Jake the Snake? Oh, yeah. Jake the Snake was great, man. Jake the Snake was cool. Jake the Snake was great. I think...

But then when I was like 10, I realized it was fake. I was so brokenhearted. Were you? Yeah. Yeah, I was bummed out. You seem like somebody that would get broken like 10, I realized it was fake. I was so brokenhearted. Were you? Yeah. Yeah, I was bummed out. You seem like someone that would get brokenhearted when they found out wrestling was fake. That's exactly who you are, dude. Yep.

You're right, bro. I could see you in there. I was sad, dude. God, I used to bust nuts through that, though. Jesus, pick a path. You're crying. You're busting. Dude, it was a confusing time for a kid.

Keep some fluid in your body, bro. Yeah, you're right. You know what I'm saying? You're right. You're going to dehydrate. Yeah, when you're right, you're right, bro. Kat, who was your favorite wrestler for a kid. Keep some fluid in your body, bro. Yeah, you're right. You know what I'm saying? You're right. You're going to dehydrate. Yeah, when you're right, you're right, bro. Kat, who was your favorite wrestler?

Did females have a favorite wrestler? There weren't a lot when I was young female wrestlers. I didn't really have a favorite female wrestler. I liked Stone Cold Steve Austin, Attitude Era. But I think watching the females wrestle were my favorite part. I don't know. I like watching. Kat, let me ask you this.

Do you like watching women fight in the UFC? Yeah, it's cool. That's your thing? Yeah. I do not like that. I don't like it either. It's not a sexist thing. I just grew up different where I'm not used to it.

So when I see females in violence for whatever reason, I'm just like, ah, fuck, dude. Especially if they're hot. If they're ugly, I'm all, kill her! Yeah. I just worry about the lady. To me, it seems too, it's just too much. Yeah, I don't like seeing women fight each other unless they have a sword and a shield. I don't like them seeing them punch each other.

Like even in Game of Thrones, the big butch one, the female one. Oh, yeah. I was like, god damn. And then when she got dicked down. She was like Chris Mullins kind of that lady when he grew his hair out. No, she looked like

Lottie DeVock. No, she did not. You don't know how things look. What else we got? Let's keep it cruising, dude. Sorry. No problem, bro.

Man, my brain's all over today I feel like. You're fine. Nah, you're great, man. You look terrible. That I can handle. I'm just kidding. You look good, man. You have a glow about problem, bro. Man, my brain's all over today, I feel like. You're fine. Nah, you're great, man. You look terrible. That I can handle. I'm just kidding. You look good, man.

You have a glow about you, bro. Really? Yeah. Thanks, dude. I try. I'm happy to be in here with you today. I just, yeah, I don't know what happened. You know what?

This yellow shirt triggers people, man. Does it? Yeah. Yeah. My friends gave it to me at the improv, dude. So I thought, you know, I'm going to wear it today. But you don't have to wear everything people give you. Okay?

That's how you sound when you say stuff also. You don't have to wear everything people give you, buddy. What else we got, dude? We got a little relationship advice, boys. God, dude,

I can't tell you. So many people are like, you saved my marriage. Oh my God. My life is so much better because you and Theo. Fuck Dr. Drew. It's Dr. Schaub and Dr. Vaughn.

I'm like, all right, relax. First of all, why does his son laugh like an AK-47? Bro, that is very alarming, dog. Yeah, it is. Sorry, son, but that is... I didn't realize it until... I didn't either. Very much a warning sign.

When people were like, oh, we didn't see it coming, we never knew we could do it. Meanwhile, Asan giving all the clues. Dressed like a terrorist. Laughs like an AK-47. Dressing like he's totally trying to blend in in the South or something. Like he's going to bomb a NASCAR event. or something like he's gonna bomb a nascar event Yeah, i'm just here for the hot dogs. Yeah, let me see Let me some dale or her junior. You know what i'm saying? Nothing better for my money

Pass me the mountain dew code red What else we got we got this is yash from india. Oh yash. It's probably yosh Hey, theo and Brendan. I'm sending you this all the way from India, and I wanted to ask you guys a question. What's up, bro? My best friend and my ex are getting married next month. What a cunt.

And they invited me, you know, just tomorrow. I don't know what to do because I still kind of have this feeling. Poor guy. And should I go or should I stay back? I don't know. Please help me, guys, with some relationship advice. Okay? And I love you guys.

Gang, gang. Buzz, buzz. You can tell he's a good dude. Love you too, Yosh, man. Thank you for sending this in. And not much better than the guy who tried to kill his dog on our watch. More videos like this. Less about abusing animals.

Still very insane that dog jumped straight into a parked car. At high speed, decently high speed. The dog's a little old. And the raider signed him after that, so that's cool. Give me that, dude.

Don't touch me, bro. Don't touch me. But keep touching me, especially when you're tan like that. When you're tan, dude. Bro, you look like somebody who definitely wants to just say that they drive a yellow me, bro. Don't touch me. But keep touching me, especially when you're tan like that. When you're tan, dude. Bro, you look like somebody who definitely wants to just say that they drive a yellow cab, bro. Like, and you cannot, there's no other way. You have to let people know.

What'd I do, bro? I could see it, man. I like this, dude. He has a good heart. Dude, best friends getting married to his ex-girlfriend? Obviously not a very good best friend. Also, how long did you guys date for? If you date for years, that's fucked up a few months dude you were just a cock block on the way to them getting

married so it's all good i need more details you know what i'm saying i don't need any more details man oh yeah you have a million details and still have nothing going on brendan yeah what i'm gonna say is this right here young fella is that i think if you if you have any feelings for the girl probably i think you probably just don't go you know because you don't want it to be weird for them i think it's like it's their day yeah you're right you're obviously not in the picture dude you don't want to go to the wedding get all drunk and then they're like god that's sad you know yeah or yeah you don't want to get sad like what if you get sad or something and then people see you being sad or you feel uncomfortable like i for yourself, I would just maybe just go do something else.

Now, I know sometimes in India, the weddings are like three or four days long. So it might be that everybody's going to be there and there's nowhere else to even go. You might not even be able to escape the wedding. Some of the weddings are so big. You're just part of it, like Aladdin or some shit. Yeah, you could drive two miles outside of town and get out of your car. Maybe not. Yeah, it might be that.

You're still in it. Here's the other thing, or maybe, I don't know, good-looking dude over there in India, maybe get just some drop-dead Mila Kiloff, whatever the fuck that porn star's name is, get her on your arm and roll into that wet and just drip on everybody, bro. Just start throwing beads like it's Mardi Gras, dude.

Just start flexing on them, dude. But riding on a white horse, bro. Just start throwing beads like it's Mardi Gras, dude. Just start flexing on them, dude. But ride in on a white horse, bro. No, rent a G-Wagon. Ride the white horse. If you ride in on a white horse, dude, people are going to be like, oh, what's up with this guy? It's not a chair ride, dude.

There's not a lot of white horses in India, so you could do that. Yeah, they are Arabian horses. They're brown, dude. Arabian? Think about it. Also, maybe ride in, they are Arabian horses. They're brown, dude. Arabian? Think about it. Also, maybe ride in on a Gila monster and just flip the script, dude, and just have some girl with some sand hitters in the back, bro.

We don't need some other lizard back sneaking into the country, bro. That's the last thing they need. Let's ask a woman. We have Kat here who's a woman. He shouldn't go. That's going to bum him out, especially for three days if he goes to every single wedding event. Yeah.

That's sad. You don't want to be that guy. What if he went with a... I need more details. How long did they date for? Because it's just a few weeks. Get over it, dude. But if it's a while,

dude, show up with a... What about that cat? What if he showed up with just a fucking dime-piece drip and everyone's like, who is that girl? Who's that girl? It makes the girl getting married look like fucking Samuel L. Jackson.

But then he's still going to have her. After people see her and realize, oh, he's with a hot girl, he's still stuck there with his own feelings being like, oh, now I'm bummed out and I got to keep watching this girl eat and drink stuff. That's a good point, dude. So, yeah, you don't want to be there for two and a half days with a lady that you might not really be into. I just wouldn't go, man. I think he probably liked the girl enough that he sent in this message. Yeah, you can tell he's kind of hurt about it. Say you're out of town. Yeah, you could say you're out of town, dude. If you were closer, I'd fly you here. You could hang out with us. We're in India, so too far. Yeah, that's far. That's way too far, dude. Good luck, though, man.

I'd say don't go. Yeah, I would say don't go, man. You seem like a nice guy. I'm sure you got other opportunities for some good women out there. Get one of them Bollywood girls. What do you think, Yassan? Yassan's from far away, from here. Oh.

I think he could split the difference, go to one of the days, one of the less important days. Oh, that's not a bad idea. Coming at the end when everyone's tired, he's full of energy. Right. What? It's not a fucking Royal Rumble, dude. No.

You've never been to an Indian wedding. Yes, it is. Yes, it is. Yes, it is, dude. At one point, they throw chalk dust at everybody. It's crazy, bro. At one point, they just put a cage around the whole family. Whoever gets out.

What else we got? Good luck, dude. Up next, boys, a little punk, my uncle. Oh, yeah. A little punk, my uncle. Let's see these guys. Let me see these bro-sams. First, we got Uncle Leonard.

Whoa. What's wrong with it? Is his belly photoshopped? No, that's his real belly right there. Apparently, he swallowed a fucking anchor. What is going on here? I don't know. He looks like...

It's a bad meat. Speaking of WWE, it looks like the fucking WWE wrestler who fell in the hardest of times. This is how everyone's movie ends in WWE. Yeah. Just everyone looks like that dude Man Holy shit He gots a goiter

I think that's called a goiter When your stomach starts growing Like another little stomach Maybe something's gonna pop out of it Yeah it looks like he's got a real piece on him though Real hose under Oh yeah he ain't lying Yeah he does

But also I think if you gain a lot of weight You start gaining weight in your penis and everything Yeah that's true dude I've been there Look at the dick beaters His hands are huge But also, I think if you gain a lot of weight, you start gaining weight in your penis and everything. Yeah, that's true, dude. I've been there. Look at the dick beaters. His hands are huge. Anyone notice how big his dick beaters are?

Look at his thumb. That's what nightmares are made of. Jesus Christ. First of all, he has bronzer on. Let's get it. I mean, you and him are the same shade, but whatever. Also, what Brazilian prison was this picture taken in? Look at the back. What's going on, dude?

That's a porch, bro, over Basic Home. No home I've ever seen. Oh, yeah. Dude, he's trapped up, too. Trap city, bro. Well, this guy obviously used to do a lot of weights, and he still might. He might be pushing his stomach out or something. There's definitely... His stomach is very...

He has a serious issue. I mean, his belly button looks like a little cooter. You know? Look at him. I don't know what's going on. He's going to die any day now. Bro, yeah, this guy's going to die. This guy's not doing well.

Yeah, we're not making fun of this guy, dude. This guy's about to die, dude. He's one whopper away from a heart attack. Probably just pass on this guy, huh? Yeah. Dude, I bet this guy, huh? Yeah. Dude, I bet this guy's veins are tasty, dude. I bet he's got so much salt and fluoride or whatever in him.

Yeah, dude. Yeah, he has traps, and he looks like he's security out front of a trap house, so there's a lot going on here. Yeah, it seemed like maybe one of his intestines isn't working good. Or you got to push your – you got to squeeze one of your, you got to, you might have a liver disease or something, buddy. He's not wearing underwear either. You know that? That's so lazy.

Yeah, first of all, don't send your uncle to us. Send him to a doctor, dog. Okay? Dude, send him to a helpline, not us. Yeah, we're not doctors, man. We look like them. Yeah, I'd hire a pool cleaner to go in this dude's butt and freaking tighten him up, man. You got to change the filter on this dude's kidneys.

Something's not going swell. Send him a mechanic to look up that exhaust, dude. He is not doing a rotor-rooter, just up that asshole something. This dude needs to get drained. Oh, he's hiding meat, bro. This guy right here, he's storing up for winter. This guy could sleep for six months. Dude, or to your point, he might be the first Caucasian fucking terrorist bomber. That might be a bomb in that stomach, bro.

Yeah, kind of like that movie The Dark Knight. Remember when the Joker put a bomb inside that dude's stomach? Yeah. Remember that? I don't watch that kind of stuff. But anyway, I hope he's doing well, and good luck to you guys. I hope he's still alive. Yeah, I hope he's still alive.

Yeah, don't go to the wedding, dude. I say don't go to the wedding. That's what I say, man. Up next, we got Uncle Jay. This is Uncle Jay, and he just started doing stand-up. I thought he was about to be my brother. Jesus Christ. And I'll tell you where he is.

Honestly, he's down there in Louisiana probably. Oh, apparently he's the lifeguard of the same swamp you are that's cool dude this guy's a wife guard bro this dude will watch your bitch for sure bro this dude don't let nothing happen to your lady bro this dude's all about that cheddar son yeah it's a cheddar falling off the stomach line there god damn he looks like a large piece of cheese pizza. That's a little bit of melted queso. Dude, this dude works as a snowman in the winter. Hey, are we sure this is a human or is that an armadillo? It's Son.

Oh, Jesus, dude. Why does he laugh like that? I don't know, bro. Damn, bro. I can't get it out of my head now, man. When he laughs, I go like this. Okay, okay, yeah, yeah. That was a good joke, buddy.

Yeah, thank you, thank you, thank you. He's going to laugh like that the show's oh that's just a song laughing no it's not ak-47 everyone be cool um first of all i like the fact that this guy is obviously uh it seems like he's like part of um some type of club or something yeah catfish killing club he looks like he gets into that swamp knee deep in mud and just goes fucking hand first for them catfish you ever done that no what do they call it don't they call it like yodeling or something like that you're yodeling no noodling they call it noodling noodling you never been noodling i never been uh actually i've been noodling one time of Of course you have. Yes, of course.

And I watched it. Yes, yes, you have. And they got a catfish. They got a catfish one time. Of course you did. But this guy definitely, look, he's smoking. He's by the swamp. He's got his belly out.

This dude is kind of like the warden of the south a little bit, I think. He has a farmer's tan. Yeah. Yeah. You don't pass by the, you know, you don't collect $200 if you pass go around this guy. Yeah, he's like the Monopoly man of the swamp, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, I like this guy. I also like him. He looks like he's a good time, looks a tad

racist, but who's not back then? He's not racist, dude. He's just outdoors and he's white. Dude, you don't hang by a swamp and not drop n-bombs, bro. You don't get raised in the bayou and be cool with everybody. Yeah, you do, man. No, you don't, dude. Bro, they got some n's down there in the bayou and be cool with everybody. Yeah, you do, man. No, you don't, dude.

Bro, they got some N's down there in the bayou, bro. They got some what? They got some N's down there. They got some N's? Yeah. So, yeah, you're not like, bro, you're not secluded where, you know. Well, this, you know,

when you're best friends with Mosquito, things are going to be a little weird, bro. Now, I admit, bro. But this guy's diverse. He probably has yellow fever, dude. The original version, not the cat version.

Correct. Correct. I want that on record. They have a lot of, I mean, probably, I bet he has a dog. Look at his dog. He's even dark.

Where's the dog? Look at it down by his butt. Where? There's a dog right behind him. Right there. Am I going fucking crazy? Am I going crazy? Look at that dog. his butt. Where? There's a dog right behind him. Right there. Am I going fucking crazy? Nope, in between. Down.

Am I going crazy? Look at that dog. Down. Right there. Dude, that's his foot, Theo. Oh yeah, that's his foot. And he's wearing socks with sandals. Fuck yeah, he is, bro. That's how I know he's racist. Bro, he's a fucking land champion.

Yeah, he's a land champ. This guy's a land champ, dude. We call him Mudskippers. Where I'm from. This guy could loiter like a motherfucker, bro. if you see him milling around outside of a building dog he's doing what he does best all day baby yep i like this guy man i'm a fan too he's not racist he's just a guy who's outdoors smoking a cigarette without a shirt on but make sure you come correct if you're going to the swamp especially if you got a darker skin color yeah i will say that well here's the thing dude if you think he's giving everyone j, especially if you got a darker skin color. I will say that. Well, here's the thing, dude. If you think he's

giving everyone jambalaya, you got your goddamn mind. No, bro. Bro, he'll... That jambalaya ain't for everybody. You know what I'm talking about. No, I bet he's got a little bit of jungle-aya. I bet that's what he wants. He'd be happy to meet a little chocolatey

vixen. Yeah, you're right. You're probably right. But what's his problem, dude? He's not sure if he wants to go to the wedding? I feel like everybody got invited to this show. Me too. I feel like it's the coolest wedding of all time. This guy shouldn't go, though. Yeah. What else we got?

Alright, boys. We're going to end it with a little canter sting it. First, this is Jake. What else we got? All right, boys. We're going to end it with a little King It or Sting It. But first, this is Jake. Yo, Theo and Brandon. This is me and my boy, Mark. And we're here in Vegas to see Othego Vaughn. And we got a King It or Sting It for you. Pickle back.

Gang, gang. Buzz, buzz. Dang, gang. Buzz, buzz. Dang, boy. Thanks for coming out, fellas. That was the best show of the week, I thought. It was fun. I like the picklebacks, man. I don't know what a pickleback is.

It's just pickle juice after a shot of whiskey? Yep. Why do that? It's just good. Because everybody, because here's the thing. Pickle juice a lot of times gets thrown away. A lot of times you see people have a couple pickles. There's a jar still with the juice.

People throw it out unused, you know. You know, pickle juice is actually the first Gatorade. Is it really? It has more electrolytes than Gatorade. A lot of athletes drink pickle juice. Oh, I do know this. If you're trying to get to put on water weight,

then yeah, you should drink pickle juice. It'll like, you'll literally absorb it. You can gain like 10 pounds overnight if you just drink a ton of pickle juice. Do you like pickles?

Go straight in your skin. Do you like pickles? I'll deep throw the shit on one of those big old dill pickles, bro. Those thick ones. I don't like them sliced. I like the whole fucking enchilada.

You feel me, bro? I like that two-hander. Oh, we used to have this chick that lived by us, dude, named Big Martha, right? Yeah, Martha deep throw. Oh, dude, she would always have one of them little sack pickles, you know? Oh, yeah. Remember they used to come in the sacks? Like $1.50, yeah.

And it was hot. And it was hot. Yeah. Dude, I like those. She would down those? Oh, yeah. Remember they used to come in the sacks? Like $1.50, yeah. And it was hot. It was hot. Yeah. Dude, I like those. She would down those. Oh, yeah. She'd drink the gravy. She always had one.

Yeah. And that's the thing. That's a turn on to me. People, I think if you're doing a nice liquor shot there, these guys are drinking some good liquor, then I think you throw a little pickle juice behind it. Yeah, why not? What else you going to do? Yeah.

What else you going to toss that with? It's fun, man. Yeah, it's a nice little treat. Better than Coca-Cola. Yeah, it kind of changes it up. I love a pickleback, man. So I say king them, bro. King it.

Sting these buttons, dude. Up next, this is Kyle. This is Kyle, boys. Gang, gang. This is Kyle from Nova Scotia love you Theo Brendan you are usually

present as well damn Moby's falling on hard times whoa whoa whoa What's the king of secrets? Where is this, at the airport?

Lifting weights? The strongman competitions. Oh, wow. That's a lot of weight, B. That's like seven. That's probably eight. What, 200 pounds? 400 pounds.

I don't know. I just wish Moby would get on a diet and make more music. Dang. That's earned, bro. He did throw a little shade at you out the gate. Yeah, he did. I like the ones where the guys, yeah, you look like a strong guy, and I think it's good if something falls on somebody.

You're there. You can help. You know, I think being real strong is hard to do. I think that if you, I think one thing is that I like the contest where the guy's running on the log and he's chopping the tree down, you know, those ones, and then they're doing the thing where they're climbing up the tree. Have you ever seen those? Are you talking about Ninja Warrior?

On ESPN? No, no, no, no. Oh, it's just white people. It's like Ninja Warrior, but like in Portland. Yeah. Yeah. They're going to chop the tree and then climb like this? Yeah.

Yeah. So I love those contests, man. But the strong ones are crazy when you see the guy who throws those beer keg things over the fence or whatever. Yeah, like Magnus and those guys. I like the real strongman thing, but unless you're one of them top dogs, you're just lifting weights in your strongman contest. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

But it's a good sport that it's still, you know, it's a good sport that, yeah, kind of it's almost very Greek or like, you know, almost old school times where it's like. You also have no other choices. You know what I'm saying? Like, you don't become a big fat strongman because you're good at basketball. Right. You feel me? times where it's like. You also have no other choices. You know what I'm saying? Like, you don't become a big, fat, strong man because you're good at basketball. Right. Do you feel me? Well, it's amazing how some of these guys you think would be good,

like offensive linemen or good defensive linemen. Nah. Too athletic to be one of those guys. Really? Yeah, yeah. They could never do it. Oh, you mean being one of them guys would be too athletic? Yeah.

Way too athletic. So too unathletic. It's weird because they're. Too unathletic. Yeah. There you go. Yeah, well unathletic yeah there you go yeah well you know i can't do that yeah here's the thing though with the strongman guys not this guy well kind of it's called fit fat right because they lift so much weight they eat so much food so they're fat but they're really strong oh yeah it's kind of it's it's not healthy you know i? Yeah. You got bratwurst for veins and shit. But it's beautiful, man. I love seeing a big, big, strong guy carrying something.

Yeah, I do. And the guy, also they do the things where they, what else do they do? Oh, they got to pull that semi-truck. And that's a nice, imagine if your semi-truck breaks down and you just got some skinny guy like me by it. You're fucked, dude. You got this guy with you, this dude pulling down the interstate. Or deadlift a Prius. Have you seen, you know the guy from Game of Thrones, I don't know what season you're

on, but you see the mountain man, he's the strongest guy in the world. Yeah, I heard about that. He's huge. Is he that strong now? Strongest in the world? Who knows? He's also 400 pounds, so I hope you're fucking strong. You know what I'm saying?

That's a good point, dude. I'm 174 pounds, dude, so I'm not that strong. But you can probably lift 170 pounds. Yeah, dude. That dude's 600 pounds bragging that he benches 600 pounds. All right, cool, man. I'll king it because I actually dig the strongman contest. Wow, I respect that.

I actually don't miss one and i watch the doc too man the weights get heavy dude i commend you for still lifting them i remember when i was young the weights wasn't where were not that heavy and now they get heavier as i get older i get heavy yeah so if you can be strong man keep being strong what else did he ask about just king it or sting it yeah i would say king it man but i think you guys could should do i would like to see new contests within that contest like it's always throwing the keg over the the the pole semi yeah the semi let's do some real shit rocks yeah carry yeah carrying the start carrying people yeah start getting your fat chicks up there and trying to fucking lift them. Run through a fire.

They all have fat chicks. Run through a fire or something. They all have super fat chicks. You know what I mean? You think? Oh, yeah, dude. Thickies. Mountain Man has a tiny, like, Twinker Bell little girl, but the rest of them, thickies.

But, dude, it's hard when you're that big. Animals probably try to come get in your shade at night or during the day. I bet it's like, imagine two cows walk up to you and just take a nap next to you, dude. When you're that big, you're experiencing a lot of things the rest of us aren't experiencing.

Bigger things, too, you know? Well, dude, I'm sure there's probably somebody tries to build, probably some nightingales try to build a little nest on your shoulder. Imagine dealing with that all day while you're trying to do the computer. A grizzly bear trying to snuggle with you?

How crazy. God. The shit these guys go through. Again, imagine dealing with that all day while you're trying to do the computer. A grizzly bear trying to snuggle with you? Yeah, for crazy. God. The shit these guys go through. Again, I king it. Imagine moss growing on the north side of your fucking feet. It's tough, dude.

Yeah. Again, that's why I king it. And they're sweaty all the time. Yeah, imagine somebody climbs up in the middle of the night to get honey

out of somebody's built a sack by your ear. Imagine the things these people go through. I hear you. That's why I kinged it, man. We're done? I'll king it then. This fucking... This fucking... Where did we get this? China?

Alright, boys. This is our last one. This is Alex from Tampa. What's up? Look at that white hitter rat. What up, Theo? What up, Brendan? I got a King It or Sing It for you. Cruises, that water vacation. King It or Sing It.

Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz, girl. I just got invited on the Impractical Jokers cruise next year. God, it'd be such a hard pass for me. Really? Yeah. Those guys are awesome. I mean, their fans are awesome. No, it'd be such a hard pass for me. Really? Yeah. Those guys are awesome. I mean, their fans are awesome.

No, they're great. Stuck on a cruise with anyone would be a nightmare. You're talking about a buffet of the sea? You're talking about a hotel I can't leave and I'm trapped in the middle of the fucking ocean? But you're trapped with everything you want. Not really. I want to get away. Well, you can do that, but you have to

just come right back. They have gambling. They have all come right back. They have gambling. They have gambling. They have all types of soda. They have free meals all day and night, entertainment. What else? Pool? A hard pass for me, dude.

I don't want to be part of it, though. You're on the beach. You basically live on the beach. You're your own beach. But you're stuck on this cruise ship. But you can walk around where you're stuck on this cruise ship. But you can walk around where you're not chained to something.

You can meet other people. You can put sunglasses on. That's a good point. You can be outside. You can start touring on cruises. You can fish off the back. Are you going to start

touring on cruises? What's next? You and Kid Rock doing a live tour together? Kid Rock's a legend, bro. He is. He does cruises. You know that? Does he? Oh, yeah and Kid Rock doing a live tour together? Kid Rock's a legend, bro. He is. He does cruises. You know that?

Does he? Oh, yeah. Kid Rock cruise. Gronkowski did a cruise last year. Really? Yeah, the Gronkowski, the Gronk cruise. I bet there were no STDs going on during that. I mean, who goes on that thing?

A lot of just Pats fans, probably. I have no idea. I don't know anyone that goes on cruises. It's a hard pass for me, dude. Really? Oh, it's a nightmare of mine. I think that cruises are nice. Have you been on one?

Yeah. I went when I was little. I hated it, man. Dude, I went on this thing called Semester at Sea where you're on a cruise for 100 days. You're on a cruise ship. I always wondered why kids went on Semester at Sea. You went on it? Yeah.

Interesting. You go to school on there. And it was fun, bro. They stop at all the ports? Stop at a lot of different countries, check it out. A little port ride. Awesome. Was it cool?

Yeah. How old were you when you did that? Let me see. I was 21. Okay. I thought you were a little younger. Really? Yeah.

I thought you were younger. It's college. Not as cool, dude. Not as cool. I thought you were a little younger. Really? Yeah, I thought you were younger. It's college. Not as cool, dude. Not as cool. I thought you were like 14. Oh, okay. Wow. So you just basically went on vacation.

It is like vacation, but I think four or five days cruise, I like it, man. You get a lot of pineapple on there. They got the buffet. I don't like, you know, I would do one section of the buffet at a time so you don't blow it all in one meal. You know, I would take it easy. Dude, bad food. And these days the cruises, didn't you see the one cruise that just got fucking tipped over? Yeah.

It was flying all over the goddamn place. Some lady jumped off and they never found her. Fuck that, dude. Now, somebody is always trying to kill their wife these days. Yeah, but she just fell over. Yeah. Now, somebody is always trying to kill their wife these days. Yeah, but she just fell over.

Yeah. So at night, you got like 60 guys up there trying to get their wife to take a picture on the rail. Let's recreate Titanic, babe. Yeah. And they fall over the front. Also, I've seen Titanic way too many times to jump on a giant cruise ship. Yeah, you could also just watch Titanic and get a couple cans of Dole at the house. That's true, dude.

So I think that's one way to do it. It's a hard sting for me. I usually king everything. I could do a three-night cruise. I don't think I could do anything more than that. Well, that's it, boys. That's it? That's the episode. It is?

That's it. We did it, dude. We did it. We did it. We did it. Yeah, man, we got to get a King and the Sting tour. Yeah, we do. We got to talk about it. We did it, dude. We did it. We did it. We did it. Yeah, man, we got to get a King and the Sting tour. Yeah, we do. We got to talk about it.

We got to figure it out, don't we? Yeah. Yeah, man, thanks for holding us up today. I'm so tired for some reason. I'm just exhausted. Oh, you're hilarious, man. Well, we got through it. Thank you, guys.

Derek, Kat, Ihsan. I will be at the Ice House September 12th. Then I'm in Houston and Denver in September, baby. Houston, Denver. Gang, gang. Hometown. Gang, gang. Houston and Denver. That's beautiful, dude. I know, man. Houston crowds are great, too. Some of the best. God. And then

Denver, man. Comedy Works. Hometown. Yeah. That's awesome, man. Good for you, dude. That's going to be fun. Thanks, dude. I will be watching NFL preseason football and I'll be in Brea, I think. Are you in Brea next week? At the end of the month or next week. 23rd and 24th and maybe the 25th.

I might add on the show. I don't know. But thank you guys for all supporting King and the Sting. Yes, love you guys. We'll see you next week. you guys