The Golden Hour - Episode 36: The Final Boss

Episode Date: September 12, 2019

The guys read all new Roast My Host's and talk Khabib vs Poirier, Gayted Communities, Buff Pigeons, Shitty Beers, Chicken Coupe De Ville's, Netflix and Children, Cars with Eyebrow Fronts, Door To Door Sales, Champ Stamps, Davey Crackhead and much more!MVMT - https://www.mvmt.com/KATSMyBookie - https://www.mybookie.ag promo code: KATSMack Weldon - https://www.mackweldon.com promo code: KATS Wix.com - Create a free website at https://wix.com/go/KATS or Get 20% off a yearly premium plan with code "KATS20"Hims - https://www.forhims.com/katsSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

That's hairspray, dude. Get your life together. It is, you idiot. Don't touch me, bro. I'm not touching you, dude. Did I watch that Once Upon a Time in Hollywood? Yeah. Worst movie I've ever seen in my life.

What? Yeah. We're starting the podcast off like this? Huh? I'm not mad at that t-shirt, bro. That's what I'm saying, baby. Then buy you belt boys right there, that hitter. That Poirier Vaughn, boy.

Now, hopefully, we don't know because the fight is taking place after this show. Hopefully, he still gots that belt. Oh, I know he gots it, dude. He's so confident. You're rocking the shirt. This can be posted after the fight. That's wild, huh? You're not going to buy you dumb ass if

he loses oh dude whatever boy you can't take that gold from him bro no you can though no i've seen it man daniel goes like this cool dude does he really yeah he goes oh come here no i like that yeah just like that dude i think they're gonna have to he's gonna sneak out of there with it i think you're right i hope you're right right. I mean, look, look, whether, whoever, whatever they decided in the desert, dude, you know what I'm saying, boy, I know who the champ is, baby. Yeah. Champ Gannistan, that's where they really should be fighting, bro. They could.

You know what? You should wear more bracelets so you look like Criss Angel. Yeah, whatever, dude. It's Criss Angel, first of all, guy. And second of all, I'll say this, dude. Worst movie I've ever seen. Once Upon a Time in Hollywood? Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, bro.

Once Upon a Time. Let me guess. Confusing for you? Yeah. Hard to keep up? Dude, the chapters are out of order. I don't even know who wrote this shit, man. I thought it was Choose Your Own Adventure and somebody else had the controls, bro.

I was like, this thing is horrible. It's long. Oh. It's a long one. If you want to sleep for $22, dude, go over there. You hated it. I walked out. I walked out, man, an hour and 50 minutes in.

What were you expecting, though? It's just a good movie that was understandable to people. Yeah, that's fair. You know? And look, I'm risque, man. I like risque ideas. You know, I like Puzzle Tree. I like...

The young girls next to me fell asleep. Did they? Yeah. Yeah. Dude, this film is putting thoughts to sleep, boy. Well, it's pretty easy to do. That's true. Only thoughts don't like that movie.

Yeah. Just hide the glitter. Let me ask you this, though. What movies do you like? Like, what's your top... Just give me, like... I hate when people go, what's your favorite movie? Yeah, just hide the glitter. Let me ask you this, though. What movies do you like? Like, what's your top? Just give me, like, I hate when people go, what's your favorite movie?

Get the fuck out of here. Like, what's a few of your top, like, favorite movies? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, so just do what you hate. What I would say is probably A League of Their Own. I would say that movie

where they're fighting those lesbians about the water. Those lesbians are arguing about the water. You know what I'm talking about? Is that The Help? No, Mad Max. Remember that? The original you're talking about with Mel Gibson or you're talking about with Tom Hardy?

I'm talking about Tom Hardy. Word. That second one. And what's the other movie I really like? Tommy Boy. Have you seen Tommy Boy? Yep. Good one.

And probably, you know, I like Bible on bible and tape some of the middle are you just rattling off tbs schedule for saturday right now league of their own tommy boy spider-man one two i'm running all about man forever i'm rattling off classics dude sorry not everybody's russian Russian Phi Delta this weekend, dude. Dude, damn, bro. You look like Mr. Rogers' flavor of the month, bro. Won't you be my flavor? Damn, boy. You know Mr. Rogers was a sniper? Yeah, dude.

Killed bitches. A lot of them. Bro, I'm not surprised. That's why he needed so much peace in his life afterwards. Yeah, that's why, dude. He was trying to tone it down, man. Saw that war victim, them. Bro, I'm not surprised. That's why he needed so much peace in his life. Yeah, that's why, dude. He was trying to tone it down, man. Saw that war victim, bro. Damn, boy.

I look like security at Harry Potter. Oh, definitely, boy. Yeah, you definitely. I look like I work at the ride. Gotta be four foot tall, buddy. Sorry, man. You're like the Endemica Sue of Quidditch. Golden snitch.

Yeah, dude. Snitch, snitch, buzz, buzz. Snitch, snitch, buzz, buzz. Let's do this, dog. Let's get into this, man. How about a little start with a roast my host, boys? Let's let them get back. Ooh, hey, I'm not mad.

The Culture Corner shirt's over there. Oh, you like it? That's that hitter, huh? Look at all three of them on there, too. Ooh, look at Kat looking like she looks like a character out of, um, what's that game called

where you're shooting people with the used cars, you know what I'm talking about? Uh, Grand Theft Auto. Yeah. Oh, man. I knew where you're at, brother. Hell yeah, dude.

Yeah, that's it. Yeah. Telepathic, baby. They spiced out that Culture Corner piece, boy. Hell yeah, I'm not mad at that at all. Shout out to Brian Johnson making that.

Yeah, dude, he's great, bro. He designed this. He designed that, man. And like I said, we don't know the results of the fight right now. I know him. I just got a response from Dustin Poirier right there. Gang, he said right there. So you know the response, dude.

That champ stamp, baby. That's what you want, dude. Again, I'm hoping he's won at this point. You put a lot of pressure on the guy, man. You can see this. Look, even if he let Khabib borrow it for a little bit, bro, he'll fucking have that bitch back. Yeah, fam. Hey. I don't.

It's a one shot for him, and I hope it works out. I'm just being real, brother. Being real. But I'll tell you what, he beats him. He's getting Conor McGregor, then he's making real cheddar. Khabib, bro. I'm just telling you this, dude, that man got Khabib in the desert, bro. Again I'll tell you what, he beats him. He's getting Conor McGregor. Then he's making real cheddar. Khabit, bro. I'm just telling you this, dude. That man got Khabit in the desert, bro. Again, I hope you're right. That's another show you need to make.

People are watching this. Khabit. Yeah. Khabitin. Good. Good. Then you walk around in Kajakistan where the fuck he's from, you get raped. Dude, I can't believe.

Yeah, bro. I mean, it can't even, you know, women can't even touch themselves over there or anything for money or whatever. It makes a lot of sense, though. Let's kick this off. You guys ready? Yeah, get me out of this conversation with Brandon. How about this? From Miguel Arajo, Brandon looks like a go-kart mechanic.

That's it, dude. The shirt helps him. The shirt is where the baby goes. Especially that fucking one piece piece that onesie you had the other day oh yeah and that little hot girl summer

sleeping bag hot girl thought bro Theo looks like he drives swamp boats for Uber that's from Paradox get in

don't mind the frogs get in yeah somebody else left them in here Brendan probably lives in a gated community emphasis on gay Get in. Somebody else left them in here. Brendan probably lives in a gated community. Emphasis on gay.

I'm just going to go for a jog. Joel, can you open the gate? I'm going for a jog. You ain't lying, though, bro. Theo looks like he sells glow sticks at Juggalo festivals. Dude, you want to fucking enjoy the experience? How are you going to see your weed, man? Buy a glow stick.

This one made me laugh so hard. Brennan looks like the type that will end up in Area 52 during the 51 ring. Where is everybody? Where the fuck is everyone? There better be a million people here. I'm going to call Chin, man. Where the fuck is everybody?

Theovon looks like he was drawn up by Mike Judge. Like Beef and Butthead? Yeah. That's funny. We do look like Beef and Butthead. Oh, good. Brendan looks like a buff pigeon. That is true, boy.

Pigeon boy, that's what I'm talking about, bro. Dude, pigeon, bro. That's the filet talking about, bro. Dude, pigeon, bro. That's the filet of Detroit, bro. You got that, bro? Jesus Christ. Encyclopedia is a tough one for your ass. Dude, those last two were heaters, too. Yeah, those last two were good.

Are you saving them? Oh, I didn't know if you wanted to. Those other ones were heaters. I'll take one more. Give us one more each. There's some heaters. Theo is the kind of guy that sneaks his pet raccoon into a Yellow Wolf concert. He likes the songs too, man.

He likes them too. Theo looks like he sells bananas at a Grateful Dead concert. Driving that train high on potassium. All right, here's the last one. Brennan is the final boss you have to beat

at a cologne kiosk in the mall. That's the best one. That's the best one. Brandon is the final boss you have to beat at a cologne kiosk in the mall. That's the best one. That's the best one. I saw that one down there. Shut up, Derek, man. I'm King Koopa, baby. King Koopa of that Buckingham Mall, dog.

You're that Estee Lauder Bowser, bro. You're that Christian Dior dragon, dude. Swavage Bowser, baby. I ain't talking about Johnny Depp. Those are hilarious. Let's start with a little debate club. You got to beat it to Columbia. That's great.

Dude, how funny are people, man? God, people are fucking hilarious. Swamp over Uber. It's hilarious. Sorry I'm late. Sorry I are people, man? God, people are fucking hilarious. Swamp over Uber. It's hilarious. Sorry I'm late. Sorry I'm late, man. A couple gators back there wasn't willing to move around. Go in, gang, gang.

Yeah, man. Sorry I'm late. You know, water's rising. Sorry, I was watching Dustin Poirier on my phone. Lost track of time. Y'all catch y'all fight? Oh, shit. Up first, we got Matt from Cincinnati.

This is Matt from Cincy. What's up, Theo? What's up, Brandon? Got a debate club here for you. I was wondering when you go out to bars or clubs, do you try and pick up on random chicks and take them home, or do you go out with girls that are your friends or maybe acquaintances of friends and, you know, get a couple drinks in you and see where the night goes?

Ding-a-ling, butt plug. Oh, wow. Butt plug is you. I'm ding-a-ling, bro. Yeah, you definitely ding-a-ling. Yeah, you like ding-a-ling. You definitely butt plug over there. Plug it in, bro.

All right, ding-a-ling, what do you say? I mean, what was the options, too? How to meet women? One of them was you meet. You randomly go and hoping you're going to buy some ladies some drink. That's rapism. That's called rapism. It's also called the Cosby play.

It's tough. Yeah. It's tough playing the old Cosby game. Or you're friends with her already, or you know you knew her somehow. Maybe you met somewhere. It's better to kind of have some sort of starting relationship, some sort of jump, you know, a little leap pad before you just wander into the night hoping you get a nice young lady.

But also, girls are also going out for one reason too, that dick. Let's be real. Are they? Yeah. You think they're there just to dance with their friends that they've known for years in circles and get hammered? Yeah. No, no, no.

No, they're hoping they get plucked out by a nice gentleman with a big dick. Yeah, that's why they're out. Look at Kat agreeing with me. I thought girls were just out to have a good time. Well, so are the guys with chicks. I mean, you can do both. But do you think

at the end of the night, girls are hoping that guys try to pick them up or no? Yeah. Especially if there's five single girls, you think they're going out like, fucking, hey, man, woman, hey, the club. Like, fuck these girls. When I look at them, they look all scared at the end of the night, kind of. It's because of your haircut. But in general, it's pretty easy. Yeah.

That's true. Maybe I should get a different style. Yeah, or just go earlier and just let them know at least I'm going to look like this later as well. Yeah, I think people got a twist. They think girls are just going out to dance the night out with their friends. That's what I thought. Ah, I was trying to get some dick, bro. Well, they should put a sign up that says that then because people have no idea.

Well, they do on Instagram. It's like a bat signal. Y'all look at their Instagram. Some thoughts on there, bro. Get a couple drinks. Go with your buddies. Walk up. What's up, bitch? Damn. Where you meeting girls at,

dude? I haven't been out in a while. I don't tell words. I haven't been out in about 10 years, guys. I haven't been in 10 years. This whole Me Too movement shook things up. I think that's frowned upon, so don't take advice from me. Where do you meet girls?

The 1800s, dude? What's up, bitch? Where do you meet girls at, fucking Sigma Pi Alpha? I know. Bro, you look like you rush for more pie pie, dude. Like a thick fella that wants some desserts, dude. Dude, you look like a sorority check. You look like you're the best pillow fighter at the sorority.

Oh, yeah. Come on, ladies. Who wants some this time? God damn it, Theo. You have testosterone. It's not fair. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they're just injections.

I'll be fine, Tiff. Also, get your dick out of our face. It's a long vagina. I think you should go to the club and meet some girls. I think that's an insane idea. I think meet girls and invite them to see you somewhere and then hang out in a chill environment. I think the real best way to meet women, a lot of people don't realize, is just to invite

people out as groups of just fun people. Don't make it pressuresome. And just try to have fun. And then see if something escalates. Because otherwise, you're just standing around. Too much pressure. Yeah, just trying to stare at somebody so hard across the room, they know you want to fuck them.

That's insane. I swear, it's insane. But then you're trying to look like a fun time seat you're drinking your hand you're kind of doing this and you're staring at them and then when you're drunk it's even more creepy and then you get the balls to go over the night so late yeah you just stand by them that's the worst bro yeah or you're waiting for them like go to the bathroom like what are you doing here taking a shit bro i've seen a thousand, what are you doing here? Taking a shit, bro. What? I've seen it a thousand times. Who are you meeting, bro?

You're at the bus station? I haven't been out in a hot second. Don't listen to me. And it's really hot in here. I'm getting dehydrated. Yeah, dude. Is this hot in here? Yeah, a little bit.

This fucking Harry Potter Gucci shirt is hot, man. Calm down, bro. I can't, dude. You look like the white guy in that Fresh Prince of Bel-Air episode where they get busted for drugs at school. Oh, cool. Haven't seen it. Someone look that up so we get the joke. What else we got, man?

70% went with girls you know. Yeah, people are a bunch of bitches. You just got to shoot your shot, man. Oh, yeah, you sound like a sniper, dude. You sound like BTK right now. You just gotta shoot your shot.

BTK wasn't a sniper. Dude, these bitches are human beings, bro. These bitches are human beings. Dude, send them a wheel of cheese. Send these hoes

some cheese, chin style. A nice sharp cheddar and a DM goes a long ways these days. What else you got, D? This is from Derek Bush. D, how'd you pick up your girl?

How'd I pick up my girl? Outside of a mall. Went up and hopped in. There we go! That's what I'm talking about. Outside of a mall. What was she doing? She came out of a hot tub and she went running, bro?

Trying to get into her car. Jesus, bro. Can you sound any more like every woman that's ever been kidnapped? What happened, dude? I told her she had a perfect smile. She was walking down the stairs. I was like, damn, you got a perfect smile, girl. And she was like, rap.

Damn. That's all it took? That's all I said, bro. See? That's beautiful. That's how easy it is. Now, imagine if she was drunk. Oh. All you got to say is. Now, imagine if she was drunk. Oh.

All you got to say is, you got both eyes. Damn. When they're drunk, it's so easy. Damn, you breathing this oxygen? That's crazy. That's crazy, girl. Damn, girl. You got teeth?

Damn. You're nuts, dude. I know, dude. Look at Derek picking up girls off elevators. Come on, man. Going, hey, cool lips. Next thing you know, you got a girl in his fucking house cleaning. You want to go down?

That's what you say to him. She's like, oh. Well, it got creepy, didn't it? You're going down because I'm rising up. Dude, I thought we were playing the game. Just when I thought you were going to leave me hanging, bro, with the fucking last straw. Nope. You fucking hell. Double down. What else we got? You double down on the loss. This one other thing. You're going to leave me hanging, bro, with the fucking last straw. Nope. You fucking hell.

Double down. What else we got? You double down and lost. This is from another Derek. This is Derek Bush. Hey, before you play this, Kat, where'd you meet your man? Did you,

I feel like you picked him up. I met him in high school. He was a break dancer. He was break dancing in the middle of the quad. He like did air flare and looked at me. I was like,

it's game over. Wow. And did you say you were coming with me? Yes. Yeah, I feel like you're the Derek in the relationship. Yeah, he pop locked his way into my life. Damn.

That's very. One day we'll ask you. One day we'll ask you. Yep. Go ahead. Chin was about to jump on the mic too. Well, for me. Well, we're good.

We're good. You still single out there Chan or not? Still single Okay and what kind of girls do you like Just so some of the ladies who are listening know He likes fat black girls What? What?

What is that? I don't like aggressive girls You know like I even talked to you about this Theo In the DMs when they're too aggressive And they show tits and ass right away Yeah That stuff's nasty If it was just like hey I'm in town Too aggressive, and they show tits and ass right away? Yeah. That stuff's nasty.

If it was just like, hey, I'm in town. God, what is happening? What is happening? I agree, man. Some unwell-lit J-Pig of a fucking quarter of a tit, dude. Nothing will put me to sleep quicker than that. God, a bunch of bitches. Sayonara, bro. That's my fucking name.

NyQuil. What are you looking for, Chin? You're looking for like a Southern Belle who's like going to poke you on the cheek for six weeks? Southern Belle, a northern tambourine. He'll take just a beautiful instrument of the Lord, yeah. Dorky, goofy, cute. All right. I like it.

What else you got, guys? Thanks, guys. Don't thank me thanks guys my man Theo my man Brandon Shaw my big boy Derek and my girl Kat I got a question for you guys

debate club IPAs Mr. Gunn in the background or are y'all about them cheap beers to fucking chug? Ooh, get that Miller. Light hitter. That Milwaukee chug, bro.

These boys from the Burke, baby. Big club. Let me hear it, boys. First of all, shout out to Bishop Gunn playing in the background there. Beautiful. Shout out to these two young men having a nice bubbly. You know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah.

A couple guys in the basement drinking. Dude, this is Midwest life. Dude, this is America. This is where you meet your best friend. This is so goddamn American. Goddamn, dude. I salute this shit. Oh, bro.

I'll fucking. I'll high salute to you fuckers. Dude, I'll attack these guys for oil, bro. That's how fucking American I am. I'll dig up in their backyard, bro. Oh, dude. Looking for bombs. Yeah. Mines and yeah mines and shit praise god brother i'd like to say this i like uh oh i like a real shitty beer man if i'm gonna have a beer dude i like to i like i don't mind if half of it spills down my fucking shirt you know drowns my cat whatever dude i don't give a

damn bro no i'll put a little in my fish tank matter of fact yeah something you can fucking you know split with your fish yeah something you could fucking kind of spice up that flounder bro the old-fashioned way yeah that miller high life for that fucking scorpion dude i'll feel me yeah bro yeah a little miller high life for your fucking clown fish dude it's easy for two beta fish to fight bro but watch them fight in a fucking little uh when you put a little bit of gin between them yeah put a little mic's in that beer. See what happens. They get scrappier. I like a nice IPA.

Listen, I like both of them. I like a nice hoppy IPA. I like a local beer. You know what I'm saying? I like a nice hoppy local beer, wherever city I'm in. Can't have beer right now because I'm the keto kid. Yeah. So are you the keto kid?

Yeah, bro. I'm down 16 pounds bro really what i started heavy that's crazy yeah thanks man you seem like the cheeto kid because yeah i look bigger oh well i'm not you look great man is what i'm trying to tell you. But with this guy, I was saying, yeah, man, I think if you're hanging out with the, you get those hoppy beers, man. It just tastes all, you know, it reminds me of my past too much. Start drinking and it reminds you of like, you know, going to wood shop.

Piss. Yeah, being in violence, domestic disputes and all that. See, that's your own demons in the closet. Don't hate on all IPA because you grew up weird. You know what I'm saying? There's some nice hoppy beers out there. But I like that fucking Miller Lite. The long board, bro.

The kind of shit that just makes you think, you know, I might get in a damn car accident tonight. Yeah, I feel you. That Coors Light hitter. Dude, I'll down 12 of those. It's like, is it Aquafina or is it beer? Makes you know I'm hammered, can't see behind the wheel. It's a fun time. It's a fun time. It's a fun time.

I wish the cops had to guess what you've been drinking in order to actually give you a DUI. Yeah, that's a good idea. It would be good, huh? Because I like to mix it up. I put a piece of bubble gum in my mouth. Good luck, boys. Really? Yeah.

If you put like six or seven pennies in your mouth, they can't tell that you've been drinking. They can tell, however, you've been hiding pennies in your mouth, they can't tell that you've been drinking. They can tell however you've been hiding pennies in your mouth. That the detectives will figure out. That you have seven cents in your mouth. Penny for your thoughts. What do we got? 58%

cheap beer. Yeah, it's just a good time. You ever played Edward Forty Hands? Yeah. You ever played that game? Oh yeah. I thought it was like a good time. You ever played Edward 40 Hands? Yeah. You ever played that game? Oh, yeah. Well, I thought it was like a special thing with me and my friends only. It's not.

It's a pretty common game. Extremely popular. Wow. Yeah, you take two 40s. Chin doesn't know what it is. You take two 40s. You duct tape them around your two hands. You can't put them down until you finish drinking them.

Yeah, you get hammered, man. Yeah, I almost died. Yeah, I almost died myself. Yeah, people die every year doing that. And what I'm talking about is that sometimes we used to play, yeah, we'd wear raincoats and fucking put on, listen to some Juvenile and get all fucked up. Why the raincoats, though? I don't know. You're a fan of the Columbine kids or what?

Just young. No, not, you're talking about Wyatt Earp kind of jackets. I'm talking about raincoats. Oh, like the yellow ones. Yeah. Oh. All right. Just in case the rain came.

Well, that's even weirder now. Yeah. We can make a measure. We can measure. Dude, Juvenile did it, bro. Bro, he got busted in a neighborhood next to ours. He chased a woman with an ice pick down the street. Oh, why?

Because you're stealing his beats? I don't know what happened. They just got in a domestic dispute. Is he alive, though? Yeah, he's still alive. Is he still making jams? I would say 60% alive. Let's do Debate Club.

He's been in the Wayne recently. But his main jams were... Back that ass. Back good. You look good. Why don't you back that ass? You the fine motherfucker. Why don't you back that ass?

He had a song called Ha, too. He had the hot boys. The hot boys. He had a bunch of hits, I ass. He had a song called Hot, too. He had the hot boys, the hot boys. He had a bunch of hits, I think. He had a good run, man. Lil Wayne was with him, too? He was one of the hot boys. He was like 14.

He was a hot boy. Lil Wayne, BG. Yeah. He was like nine rapping with fucking Juvenile. Yeah, man. BG got on the drugs, I think. But Juvenile had a, he's got, you're fine, motherfucker. I'm going to want you back.

But he had one more That was a slapper He had one more That will slap your nuts dude Big timers He was in big timers too Sometimes Why do they get a mugshot From my man

I know All the pictures You know how many pictures He has online You gotta use a mugshot For his Wikipedia Fucking haters But I think

He had a couple of Slow motion for me Slow motion Can you play that For me for a second? Slow motion for me. Slow motion for me. Do you remember that one? I like it like that.

She working that back. I don't know how to act. Slow motion for me. Hit it. Slow motion for me. That's a kind of practice jam. Let's get Irvin. Let's get Irvin'. Hell yeah, bruh. They played this at my

grandmother's funeral. Damn! Makes you want to hit somebody. Mmm! This is his number one jam I'm a dick thrower? Yeah, son This is about being a chiropractor, most of it Her neck and her back hurting.

Too fast. God damn. What else they got? Hello? Hey, what's up, brother? Sorry, I gotta take this call. You can't take calls from friends in the middle of our show. Yeah, yeah, it was from my friend Sean Barr. He left it for me and he's come back to get it. Oh, rodeo. Thank you so much.

I need a hop. Thank you guys so much. All right, praise God, brother. Hit me with that rodeo. Last one, then we'll move on. Hit me with that rodeo. You remember this one, Theo? Oh, bro. Last one, then we'll move on. Hit me with that rodeo. You remember this one, Theo? Oh, dude.

Rodeo. Rodeo. Oh, my God, bro. This is getting disgusting. Derek about to bust a nut. Where my girl at? You know what I'm saying? Quick, get her here.

Get her here. We can't waste a drop. You guys are gross, man. You guys sound like a couple of politicians, dude. God, he had the hits. Thanks for bringing those memories back, dude.

Bad dude. He had a bunch of hits, man. I'm sorry. Is this relationship advice? No, I'm going to chide my ride, boys. Yeah, but I think you should take the girl out, man.

I wouldn't just meet her at a bar, dude. You know? We were talking about beer, but... Oh, no, no, no. I'm saying cheap beer. Oh, that's right. No, get a girl and buy her cheap beer. Let's combine the two. Get a girl Edward Fortyhands. But if I'm drinking during the day, Coors Light.

If I'm drinking on a river, first of all, if I'm drinking on a river or near water, Coors Light. Coors Light, brother. finest baby just something about it has so much water in it it's just right in with the words cold it's that Colorado River cold water risk and you don't even care if you lose a can of it you're like who gives a cares yeah you could get more you just hope drink some of the river you'll probably get half you know you get a little bit of a hit what else we got let's try my rides up first this is Brett Cormier, and we've seen a car like this before.

What the fuck is going on with these cars, man? Dude, it's the second car we've had. What part of the country are they using? Florida. Huh? It's Florida, boy. Damn, there's that big screen on the side there, though. Watch a nice football game.

Bet you watch the Gators on the side. Hurricane, bro. If a storm picks this thing up, it'll be fine, bro. Just fine. This is a hurricane. Look, it has a TV on the outside, bro. Microwave on the outside. Oh, this is that party cruiser.

You want that hot pocket, dude? That gator cruiser. Put your toast strudel up in there. Wow, look at that. This is the Lord's emblem on top. The Lord's logo. Jesus shield, as we call it. PTL, baby.

Praise the Lord. And look at that door, too, with the window on the door. Again, might be repetitive, but I got to ask, where does that door lead to? To the inside of the truck, dude. It does it? Because it's only very, like, you can work it. You know what I'm saying? It looks like he's just there. You don't know how to live, you rich motherfucker, bro.

Look at this one. That was the one from before, just to compare. See, I find that one scarier. With the clown one? Yeah, the red door is scary. This one looks like this guy is just trying to party, get to the game, Florida, Florida State, you know what I'm saying? Florida State Penitentiary, dude.

This guy looks like he's raising chickens, dude, and just has a nice door on the side of his van. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Florida State Penitentiary, dude. This guy looks like he's raising chickens, dude. And this has a nice door on the side of his van. Yeah, you ain't lying. That might be that Ted Bundy hitter right there. That's a chicken coop de ville, bro. That thing is fucking... I think it has netting and stuff on the side of it. It's very strange, man.

Bro, it's just a JPEG and it smells like chicken feed. That's how severe looking it is. It has plywood walls, bro. It looks like his dream was to have this car when he was a kid and just never gave up the dream. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, if I— I want a van with a door and a TV and a microwave.

And his mom was like, okay, good luck. Yeah, and then he killed his mom. 40 years later, cut his mom's heads off, took her fucking cash, and there you go. This thing makes my bowels hurt, bro, looking at it. Me too. Get the shit out of my face. Yeah, dude. Go Gators, though.

That van gives me driveria, bro. Up next, we got Alan Pellegrin Jr. Oh, he's from the South, too. Where's he from? Alan Pellegrin. He's got that Dale Earnhardt Jr. car. Gang shit. With eyebrows on the front. yeah oh that's that hitler

that's oh he put the three oh that's an anthony drivis bro look at those eyebrows on the front of that dog wow that's a really good playing words i thought but no i dug it dude i dug it you're dropping heat today man and look at that oh i love it when somebody takes a shitty car and puts a number three of that Dale Earnhardt on the side of it. Is that Tony Stewart? Who is that? No, that's Dale Earnhardt. Let me tell you something. You're disrespecting Dale Earnhardt when you do this shit.

You know what I'm saying? He doesn't want this. He doesn't want this. Clean your ride up. Then put the three on there. Think he wants to be on a Saturn with a blown out ass in the back? Yeah, what happened? And a trailer?

Come on, dude. I like the bullet holes in the back of the Saturn, bro, because here's the thing, man. You gotta shoot for the moon, dude. That's what life's all about. And sometimes you hit Saturn. You gotta shoot for the moon. And look, bro, you put a trailer hitch on a Saturn, dude, that tells a lady, look, I'm gonna

own something one day, okay? It also says, I might have this shitty hoopty, but we can go wherever we want. We might live in Arkansas now, but let's drive down to Florida, beachfront property. Yeah. The world's yours, girl. It's an oyster. The world is your, is yoister.

And, uh, and definitely the car with the eyebrows on the front, dude, fuck all of that. Let's talk to our Asian corner over here because I know that you guys specialize. In eyebrows? In eyes. Brows. Wait. Do they? Do we?

I didn't know about this. I think so. You got to do a lot of the, you know, unique kind of like hair on the car. Let's do something crazy. You know.

You're talking about like rice rockets. Say yeah. But they don't put eyebrows on cars. What do they do though? That's a very white southern thing I see.

Is it? Yeah. Asians don't. That's. No, we thing, I see. Is it? Yeah. Asians don't... That's... No, we kind of add... We add spoilers on things. Don't put a spoiler on a Buick. That makes sense.

And what else? What are some other accoutrements you might see in an eastern vehicle? On an eastern vehicle, there will be eyelashes inside of the car. Asian girls will always take off their fake eyelashes, leave them somewhere, and then you'll just find random eyelashes everywhere. And you'll mistake them for a spider. I call them caterpillars. Yeah, that's hot, though. Wow.

It's only hot when you have them on. It's always hot. No, I dig it. I know she's a down-ass bitch. An Asian girl at the end of the night, fucking eyelashes off. Yeah. Yep. Play an eye and go seek, bro.

Just hide your freaking eyepieces around her. That means she's about to do some work. Does it really? She's going to be tired. I don't know what kind of work. It looks like she's not going to go to work. Yeah. Or she is about to go to work.

You feel me, dude? Busting nuts. Now, Chin, what's something unique you'll put into your vehicle, dude? I know you definitely have things that you like to think about. Inside or on the outside? I guess either one. Side markers. And what do you mean by that?

Those little blinking lights on the side of your door? That was popular in the car racing. Oh, on the fender? Fender, yeah. Yeah, okay. And now an Asian person that cannot race cars, do you guys look down upon within the community? Well, they never had a good indie racer.

Yeah, I mean, we only do street racing. They specialize in drifting, breakdancing. No turns, bro. No turns of eagles. Asian people are not good in... They're great when they are in one place. You get an Asian's emotion. Think about it.

Iwo Jima, bro. Great job defending Iwo Jima, right? In one place, bro. Kamikaze in the plane. You put an Asian in a plane, crashing. Crashing into other people. Dude, these are points. Asian people in motion.

It's just some people have certain skills. Facts. I think that Asians are more of you set an Asian somewhere, anything is possible, dude. But you start moving them around. You put them on roller skates, dude. You put them behind the wheel? Oh, yeah. Anything is, you know, not everything is possible.

Never mind. All right. But I think, you know, everybody got their ups and downs. They do. Everyone has their flaws, man. Well, it's not flaws. I wouldn't say. I'd say really admirable qualities.

They can't work when you move. Yeah. You right. What else we got? How about a little relationship advice, boys? Okay, fine. We're helping people one relationship at a time, man. Okay, fine, Derek.

We'll do everything you want to do, Derek. All right. This is Nick from Boston. What's up, Dale? What's up, Brandon?. This is Nick from Boston. What's up, Dio? What's up, Brandon? My name's Nick from Boston. Need some relationship advice, right? So, I got this dime. She might even be a

12 out of 10. Fuck yeah, bro. But I don't really know if I'm the commitment type person right now. I don't know if she is either. I'll tell you right now, you're not. Got her shit together. Like I said, she's smoking. Oh, that kills you. I don't know if she is either. I'll tell you right now, you're not. Got her shit together. Like I said, she's smoking. Oh, that kills you. I don't know what you guys

think. I'm 25. Kind of at that point. I could settle down, but I don't know if I really want to. You know how it is. Yeah, dude. I'm 39 and I'm at that point. Wisdom masters over there. God damn. Brendan's never been here.

You just saw him tear up a little. He made me smile in some dark times and I appreciate that. Gang bang, Buzz Aldrin. I love this guy. I want to be my friend. I love him. I think I'm in Boston in January, brother. We got to meet up. Free tickets on me. But bring your dime, even if it's not worth it. Man, she's 25.

She's a nurse. No, he's 25. But is she 25? He didn't say how old she was. But she's a nurse? She's a nurse. And she's a dime? Lock it up, brother.

A 12? Well, I'll be the judge of that. But a 12? And she's a nurse? That means she takes care of people? Yeah, she sounds amazing. Gotta say, bro, I'll be the judge of that. But a 12, and she's a nurse, that means she takes care of people. Yeah, she sounds amazing. Gotta say, bro, sounds pretty cool. Yeah, and even if you're not ready to lock it down right now, at least start fabricating the key, I think, a little bit.

You can start to think, at least treat her well so you got an opportunity down the line with her. Here's the thing, though. Down the line, fish like that, they get picked up real quick. She's not going to be ready down the line. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, but you know what they say. She has her shit together and she's a 12. Everywhere she goes, every dude's trying to fuck her.

So eventually. Some dudes aren't, Brendan. They are. They are. Chin. Not all of them, man. See? Thanks, bro.

You guys are pussies. Whatever, dude. Listen to your boy here, dude. Lock it up. Especially if he's a 12. You're an idiot. Someone's Listen to your boy here, dude. Lock it up. Especially if he's a 12. You're an idiot. Someone's going to lock it up. Or, you know what?

Don't listen to the guy who's married with two kids. Listen to the single guy and this crazy ass. Do that. Yeah, what are you talking about? Arrest my case. Yeah, well. Why would he listen to you two? What was your case, dude?

To lock it up. Okay. Or it was don't lock it up. was your case dude to lock it up or it was don't lock it up I said to lock it up my whole thing I was saying lock it up you're saying down the line it could happen make sure you stay in good contact and Ching goes I agree don't listen to him

they're both singles fuck well look I'll tell you this Randall what's his name Nick I grew up with a kid named Nicholas Single as fuck. Well, look, I'll tell you this. Randall, what's his name? Nick. Nick, sorry. Close, dude. Yeah, Nick.

I grew up with a kid named Nicholas Randall, actually, and he ended up being, honestly, homosexual. But I'll say this to you, brother, is that, yeah, if you think she's the one, but you said she's still running around. So unless you could put that squeeze in her, you know, unless you could get that in her little baby bear and hit her up with that gasm and get you a baby then you might have a tough time. One way to lock down a real hot chick is to get her pregnant

Yeah, you can do that man That's an old school move bro It's a very old school move Yeah, well here, have a baby But then nine months she's back being real hot Yeah, but she's got an H It's just H-O now, You think you're hot? Yeah, well, here, have a baby. But then nine months, she's back to being real hot. Yeah, but she's got an H. It's just H-O now. It's not H-O-T.

Yeah, you right. Yep. And I don't mean ho. I just mean it's like, you know, it's just, yeah. She has some more priorities. Oh, yeah. She's got to be hanging out every night. You know what I'm saying?

You can't always put a, but yeah, you can't put that little, you know, you can't set a baby on the speaker. There's no Netflix and chill anymore. Yeah, it's Netflix and children. Yeah, Netflix can't put that little, you know, you can't set a baby on a speaker. There's no Netflix and chill anymore. Yeah, it's Netflix and children. Yeah, Netflix and children. Good luck, dog. Keep touching me, though. Hi, your button doesn't work, bro. Ah, fuck.

Yeah. All right. A little fly my aunt, boys. Yeah, dude. You guys want to see a couple aunts? Oh. First, we got Aunt Holly Drews. This is Aunt Holly Drews.

Great name. Oh, is that Aunt Holly Drews. This is Aunt Holly Drews. Great name. Oh, is that the famous? Oh. Hmm. Mm-hmm. Dang. Mm-hmm. She's a nanny, and she's 23 years old.

She looks definitely very beautiful. She's like Davy Crackhead, bro. She's definitely doing beer bongs and wearing a coon skin cap. And that's the only reason I said that. But outside of that, I love the fact she's obviously an animal lover.

She likes the outdoors even though she's indoors. She has on welding glasses. Davy Crockett got some tits. The other thing is, you got way too many bejeweled jeans, girl. You know what I'm saying?

Again, unless you're Chris Angel, you can't be wearing those. You just can't wear them. You like the true religion vibe? I make those things disappear, daddy. You feel what I'm saying? Again, unless you're Chris Angel, you can't be wearing those. You just can't wear them. You like the true religion vibe? I make those things disappear, daddy. You feel me, bruh? You mean just take them off? Oh, yeah, bruh. Okay. I like the

Davy Crockett hat, though. That's probably the best part of this whole thing. Yeah, and this is also a lot of those coon skin caps are sold for rabies awareness. And so I love anybody who's doing that, because we lose almost 60 people every year to rabies. I'm not mad at the Bret Hart sunglasses either. Those go hard in the paint.

What's her special technique? She in deep throat? Oh, my God, bro. She didn't send in her special skills. I'm sorry. Well, no. I'm just talking about when she's chugging the beer, bro. I don't know what's going on there.

I know you don't. First of all, she has medium-length arms, and she's trying to do a beer bong. Don't do it. Have someone else hold it for you. It looks insane. You have no friends? I have medium-length arms, and we don't beer bong, okay? You just keep the limited actions, handshakes.

You know, maybe light hand signals when you're turning on a bicycle but nothing fucking crazy she's getting crazy close you don't hug from far out look how extended her elbow is it's a real strain very kurt cobain yeah very kurt cobain although he did it down she's doing it up what else we got uh shout out to that aunt, though, man. Good luck with your relationship. This is Aunt Raja. Aunt Raja. Damn, Raja. Mm-hmm.

Whoa, goddamn, Raja. Well, shit, now I'm up. Now I'm awake. She's 100% Native American, and she approved these photos for you boys. Damn, who sent them in? This little Navajo hitter. This ain't no mirage.

Those tits are real, brother. Them tits are real. Won't you semen all into my pants? Oh my god, man. What are you talking about? I'm just saying I got a teepee down here. Do you really? You're disgusting.

Don't get erect at work, you go here. Do you really? You're disgusting. Don't get erect at work, you goon. I'll tell you this. She's obviously travels a lot. There's different backgrounds in the two photos. She's by a fireplace right there. Obviously likes Christmas but also a masquerade party

so it looks like maybe it's a little Mardi Gras Christmas time. I don't know if you can mix those two. Dude, I'll freaking put some sandwich meat on those tits and get a little ham-demonium going on. You feel me, bro? You're disgusting. Whatever, dude. I'm sorry. I don't think you're disgusting at all. I was thinking the exact same thing.

I'd apocalypto those tits. Oh, God. Apocalypto was a killing of a lot of Native Americans, dude. That's what I'm saying I killed them too Figure it out bro Okay my bad man My bad I'm being really a naysayer

God dang man Yeah what's her problem is her uncle won't leave her alone What's the problem She lost one of her wolves She just wanted to be flaunted Well damn she's been flaunted. I'll tell you what, we could dance with the walls with her, dude. You feel me?

I would definitely take a sip off of that water flaunting. Me too, dog. I'll definitely be your last of the Mohican, girl. Yeah, bro. Let's move on. We've done enough native Indian references. You know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah, man.

Geronimo these nuts. What? What? My God, you're like a four-year-old. You're like a four-year-old, dude. All right, boys, let's wrap it up. And that'll be it. Up first, we got Chris Sanders.

This is Chris. It better be it because I get this sweatsuit on and I am not doing well. See Sanders boy, Colonel Sanders, dude. Great beard. What's up, Theo? What's up, Brennan? My name is Chris. I'm from Orlando, Florida. I got a Kingders sting it for you guys today. You ordered door knocking.

Gang gang, buzz buzz. What is he called? Door to door sales. Door knocking is what, gang, buzz, buzz. What is he called? Door-to-door sales. Door knocking is what he's called. Dude, I used to be that guy. How do you guys feel about that? You did? I used to do.

I used to sell supplements and do that, and it's the worst job in the world. You went door-to-door? Door-to-door. Oh, my God, bro. Before I got to the UFC, that's what I was doing. You'll do anything, dude. I was surprised you didn't get murdered, bro. Me, too, bro.

Me, too. There's some dicey situations. Walk around Denver selling supplements door to door. This is the worst job I've ever had. It's very dangerous. Also, everyone hates you. Yeah. Because they're like, why?

You're like, I have this creatine for a limited time. They hated me. He has the toughest job in the world. Also, sting it. It's not going to work, dude. There's Amazon. I can order where the fuck you want. It comes that day.

I respect it, man. I say you king that, man. It's a hustle. But, dude. There's Amazon. I can order where the fuck I want. It comes that day. I respect it, man. I say you king that, man. It's a hustle, but also, pursuit of happiness already happened. No, they used to have a man come by us and sell dish soap, dude, and he couldn't even talk, bro. And he would just show you the soap for a long time and keep showing it to you and you'd have to buy it. And it was one of

the most effective sales techniques I've ever seen, dude. Silent soap sales. Interesting. Here, I'll tell soap sales. Interesting. Yeah, maybe. Here, I'll tell you this. Somebody fucking beats a big box of soap against your fucking door for 10 minutes. You buying it. You'll give that dude $12 to fucking walk away.

Here's the only door-to-door sales that works these days. And they can't go door-to-door anymore because one of them was murdered. But one of the Girl Scout cookies. I'll buy a shitload of those cookies. You make it easy on me? Aw, man. Dude. And Amazon ain't scaling Girl Scout cookies. So, jokes on shitload of those cookies. You make it easy on me? Oh, man. Amazon ain't scaling Girl Scout cookies, so jokes on you,

Mr. Bezos. Bro, I'll lick the cinnamon off a fucking Asian girl's back, bro, for a couple of dollars, you know? Especially if they going door to door. So definitely, I think that door to door sales are good. What I don't like is the people with the magazines, all these motherfuckers coming by. Hey, do you want this subscription

to Outdoor Life, you know? Do you want this subscription to Outdoor Life? Do you want this subscription to Outdoor Life? Dude, they're not around anymore, though, are they? And then you give them the money and you never get any magazines. They're not around anymore, dude. You know the door-to-door now. Have you seen the families like, oh, we're trying to pay for the funeral and they're trying to collect cash?

That's all a hustle, you know that? Not a lot of white people doing that, D. Those are my people right there. Those are your people. I didn't want to say anything. You were just staring at me. I'm going to throw it to the culture corner. I hope you say something.

Is that more of a black door-to-door activity? We do that. And, man, we love to promote our Pee-wee football team. You know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah. They're out there. M&M, peanut M&M's. Yeah, they all have different jerseys on.

And it's like, what team is this? Dude, how about that cocksucker in front of every Ralph's with the bell going ding, ding, ding. That's Santa. Is it Santa? Well, Santa's asking me for money. Yeah, dude, because people are dying, bro. It's called Salvation Army. Jesus.

Yeah, he might be right. Well, I'll tell you what, though. I always buy tagalongs from him. Yeah? Well, I'll tell you this, dude, is that knife sales now. That's more of a white people thing. people going door-to-door selling knives. Knives? Yeah.

And, dude, and it works. They're like, can I see a piece of wood? You're like, yeah, I guess I have a piece of wood. They take it out and just chomp through it. I'm like, that's pretty cool, man. I'll take four of those. They get me every time. They used to have this dude called the Schwan's guy that would come door-to-door.

Remember him? Yeah. And, bro, he just pulled up and he had a huge freezer he was driving basically a huge freezer and be like you want cookies you want steaks he'd be like we want it all yeah i remember charge up 300 worth of shit do where your parents are going they would let kids just buy shit and they get some good t-bones though the best so good i don't know where they got it everything tasted the same no matter what it was hey have you ever had the had the guy where you're somewhere and he's like, yo, you want a TV, man? Or they have like TVs,

VCRs back in the day. Oh, yeah. Flat screens, DVD players. Yeah, it used to be sometimes you would buy the box and then there was nothing in the box. It was like weighted or something. Nah, it never happened to me. Well, but I don't like that. Yeah, everybody used to do cut cone knives and all of that. I'd rather sell drugs, I think.

Me too. Way easier. Also, that's not door to door, though. Door to door is humiliatingone knives and all of that. I'd rather sell drugs, I think. Me too. Way easier. Also, that's not door-to-door, though. Door-to-door is humiliating, man. It's fun, though. It's not, though. It's the worst job I've ever had. I love it when they come by and you're a kid and you're like, who's here? Yeah, it might be fun when you're the kid, but when you're the man selling it, trying to make ends meet, it's a tough gig, dude.

And kids are dumb, too. You'll be like, someone's there, and you'll be like, hey, are your parents home? You're like, nope, they won't be home For eight hours I know Then you get Fucking molested You're like damn bro I thought this was about

Fucking magazines Steam get molested Though you know Yeah Steam get molested Steam get molested kids Can we get a poo button All these are bad dude Up next we got

Scott Davis This is Scott Jesus What's up Brandon What's up Theo Coming to you from the Cowboy State the big beautiful state of Wyoming and man My nose is looking like shit. Well, well, anyway trade you Brandon. I'm not too far from where you where you from in Aurora I got family living around but that's besides the point. I got a million dodge bullets, bro, you guys There's a little background. I work full-time. My my wife works full time and we got two beautiful little bread snatchers um don't make it to the gym as often as i would like and i got that dad bot coming in bro and i'm not gonna say i'm proud

of it but it's coming in sprout the hopper bond anyway uh that's what I got. King of the sting it. Dad bods. Gang gang. Buzz buzz. Much love, guys. Dude, love you, dude. Shout out to Wyoming. My neighbors. I love Wyoming, man.

I've been to Cheyenne before. Watched a guy get hit by a... Oh, actually, you know what? I watched a guy jump out of a hotel room and die. Commit suicide, they say. Actually, I was in Montana. Was he doing it? Oh, completely different. Never mind, man.

Was he doing it for a good cause, though? Why was he doing it? No, I think he was on drugs. Do y'all like freedom? He was on drugs during the day. Let him do it. He was doing it for a good cause. I hate being on drugs during the day, dude.

Why would you do it during the day? Wait for the nightfall. Yeah. That's when Satan comes out. Dad boss. The hopper bod? Dude, I feel it. I was a little hopper bod, dude, I feel you. I was a little hopper bod.

I didn't realize it until I went on a vacation with my kid. I looked at all the other dads. They're shred city. Sometimes life, you just wake up one morning, you're 273 pounds. You have no idea what happened. It's just the way it works. It's kind of cool, though. But there's a difference.

Now, hear me out here. There's a difference between dad hopper bod and the just straight up fat. Don't be trying to say, oh, I got dad bod. My friend's fat, a friend of mine. Yeah, and they're just straight up fat don't be trying to say oh i got dad my friend's fat a friend of mine yeah when you're just fat you're fat don't call it dad bod because there's just fat you know what i'm saying oh yeah man i would know him clean your act up bro it's all about it's all about your diet though bro yeah dude first of all the guy has two kids he's doing the best he can he's full-time worker so is his wife brother yeah dude so what i'm saying is this i think it's okay to have the dad bod if you are with the kids

at the pool. You go by yourself, you better get in shape before you do, dude. Don't be dad bodding with no fucking kids, bro. That's not dad bod. Yeah, a lot of guys are like,

oh, I got a dad bod. It's like, no, dude, you're just out of shape. You don't have any children. Yeah, you're just fat. You're a fat bod. You're a fat bod. Yeah, you got that fucking...

You don't have kids. You're just fat. Yeah. Or you just have that grisellaneous body type, you know? Good luck, though, brother. The struggle is real

for dads out there. Yeah, man. So I say with the kids, dad bod, yes. Without the kids... You're just fat. Yeah, you just got to tighten up a little bit

and do some... I'm going to king dad bods if you really have kids. Wear tight clothing or do a onesie, actually. That's what I do. Checkmate. Okay. Don't touch me, bro. All right, actually. That's what I do. Checkmate. Okay.

Don't touch me, bro. All right, boys. This is the last one. This is Brace from Virginia Beach. Hell yeah. I love people that are named after things that are also like other things. Hey, what's up, boys? I got a quick King of the Sting it for you.

So my parents, they have a bidet in their bathroom, and I'm going to be honest. I've tried it out. I've tried it out. Party boy. But yeah, I want to know y' their bathroom. And I'm going to be honest. I've tried it out. I've tried it out. Party boy. I want to know y'all's opinions. I know you're comedians. I'm sure you've been in some nicer hotels. And, I mean, you know, some people think it's a little homoerotic to be using a bidet.

I like it, bro. You know, you and your brother used to play that game growing up. And Brendan, you wore a romper last episode. I wouldn't put it past either of you. So, yeah, just let me know what you think. Bidets, king it or sting it. Gang, gang. Buzz, buzz.

Buzz, buzz, young man. Listen, I'm a bidet fan. Really? Have you ever sat down on one of those new toilets that are automatic? Dude, I sat down, oh, when I was in a hotel. When they can take your blood, they can tell your blood pressure? They can do whatever you want.

Get you a grilled cheese, whatever you want. But you sit down and you can put the warm water, like you've done taking a dookie. It sprays that warm water all over your junk, from the balls to the booty hole. And it is so refreshing and nice. It's a bidet. It's a new age bidet.

Now, have I drank from a bidet because I thought it was a water fountain? Yeah, I have. And it was in my uncle's house. And I did that for many years in Venice, California. That's why I'm such a large man, I think. But I'm a fan of the new age bidets. If you raised on bidet water. Yeah, my dad never told me.

You're going to put on some size, dude. Okay? Second of all. First team all bidet. Look, man. What was the guy asking us? Bidets. Yeah, bidets, man.

You don't want to be walking around with them dingleberries like all fucking swamp ass, man. That bidet cleans it right. The French had it right, dude. Clean your asshole. I know some friends that clean their asshole in a sink. Yeah. Because they can't afford a bidet. I don't think you need a...

I mean, I think if you're used to cleaning your asshole regularly, like most people are, almost 100% of people, probably 100% of people, then I think you just do that. But if you're some fucking psychopath who has to have warm water shot at their asshole. Oh, it's nice. After they use the toilet. Oh, it's nice. You got to live, brother. I'm not saying it ain't living, bro. Have you ever had it done?

Oh, I've been on one of these suckers before, man. I don't like it. Really? It feels like an invasion of privacy. It feels... Oh, man, it's a little... I get a little turned on. It's, man. I don't like it. Really? It feels like an invasion of privacy. Ah, man. It's a little... I get a little turned on.

It's hot water. It's almost like aliens coming to get you through the back. I'm like, you clean my ass and I have an erection? Yeah, I'm in, dude. The days, man. I just... It just seemed like the dark arts to me, man. The darkest.

Yeah. It seems like unnecessary. But it's clean. It just... I think it's God's work, man. The darkest? Yeah. It seems like unnecessary. But it's clean. I think it's God's work, man. I would rather kind of lift one of my legs up and kind of hold my ass open a little bit in the shower, like an adult. That's a bidet. Different style, though.

Yeah, but that's kind of... It's coming from up top instead of down below. I'd rather meet the devil halfway, dude, than just sit right there on that fire hose. What do they say, brother? No, this is for you guys to say. This is King and the Sting. King it. Love them. If they're done right.

If they're done right. Done right, dude? It's not a fucking carrot cake. Here's the thing, bro. I mean, on some bidets, it gets messy. That's what I'm saying, bro.

A little too much pressure. Yeah. The fucking stream's a little too fat. Yeah. And it gets some water up there. You know what I'm feeling? A little too strong, coming a little too hot. Oh, yeah.

Got to be done right. It's dangerous. It's just so risky when you could just clean your own butt. It's so risky to have water shot at your asshole at an unknown fucking speed or pressure when you could just easily clean your own butt like you've been doing for decades.

Yeah, I'm with you, man. I'm a fan of a dace. Is that it? That's it, hot boys. That's it. Hot boys. God, that juvenile made my day, dude. I appreciate that memory. Slow motion. Slow motion for me.

When's this drop? Oh, my God, bro. Yeah, bro, we're done. Houston, I come on September 20th, 21st. After that, end of September, I'm at Comedy Works in Denver. Get your tickets, tfak.com. Theo. And, yup, tfak.com. Theo. And, yep, that's it, man.

I don't know what's going on with me, but you can check me out on this past weekend. And what else, dude? The Bayou Boys. Hopefully your boy won. We filmed this way before. Bro, we all, look. Boy, if you won, what's up, bro? You lost?

You're his foot. I'm just kidding, dude. Yeah, sure you are, brother. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz, baby.