The Golden Hour - Episode 37: Olympic Sized Tits

Episode Date: September 19, 2019

The fellas talk the Best Serial Killers, Balloon Funerals, Unicorn Fights, Slangeroo's, Fredrick Cougar, Dykle Angelo, Hourglass Pit Bull Bodies, Relationship Advice for a Handsome Hilary Swank, Theo Hiding Cheeks, Slam Pigs, a special NFL Rip My Drip, Hardcore Camping and much more!Hims - https://www.forhims.com/katsPostmates - promo code: KATS2019Honey - https://joinhoney.com/katsRaycon - https://buyraycon.com/katsSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

yeah why is his mouth always open he's just a mouth breather he definitely uh the unique fella, man. He jumped on the Notorious B.I.G. Would not let go. Yeah. Just that one night he let go, but not let go. Yeah. One night he wasn't around, huh?

One night. Big poppy. Big poppa definitely, dude. He got it poppin'. Yeah, they popped him, bro. Got it poppin', bro. I think what's poppin' right now is that Saints jersey. Dude, they're popping, bro. You got it popping, bro. I'll tell you what's popping right now is that Saints jersey. Dude, they do things, man.

Dude, the 12-year-old in me wants it so bad. Magical team, bro. Hell yeah, they're magical. Very magical, dude. And then the ref said, not that magical. This is a real jersey. That's the authentic. Yeah.

Dude, we used to have some jerseys when I was young. Yeah, some kid, he would just spray paint like his number on one kid just they wrote uh one of the dave maggot he wrote on his son's back some man hell yeah dave maggot from the new york giant yeah remember him yeah hell yeah i do he basically just wrote it into his son's back with like a not a knife but like a something kind of sharp oh kind of tatted at dave maggot yeah oh wow it's a dave maggot for the next like 15 years of his life well number 11 too and. And I don't know if Dave Meggett was number 11. Can you look that up there? I don't think

so. I thought he was in the 20s. Is that right? You think Dave Meggett? I forget. Dude, that's old school. Also, you gotta be careful saying Meggett, I feel like. Huh? It'll slip up there. No, I didn't say Megger. Nope. Nope. Didn't say that either, dude. I said Dave Meggett.

Dude, that's an old school reference. What, Dave Meggett? Yeah, hell yeah. When he played, he's 53 now. He was 5'7". Returned the kicks. He's number 30. He was 5'4", wasn't he?

5'7". He also had some crime. He had a criminal history, didn't he? Yeah, his eyes. He had crazy eyes. No, he didn't. I thought he had crazy eyes. 30-year prison sentence. There you go. Boom. He's crazy eyes. No, he didn't. I thought he had crazy eyes. 30-year prison sentence, Theo.

Good call. Boom. He's the mystical of the NFL, dude. He really is, man. What did he go away? He keep kicking me the fucking ball. Dude. You know I'm going to go to jail.

30 years? Jail him in front of the ball. Robbing a part-time student. Oh, he was pimping, too. Dude, this guy's awesome. Yeah. He could probably work for us, he was pimpin', too. Dude, this guy's awesome. Yeah. He could probably work for us, dude. You know?

He could. The Culture Corner could get real interesting bringing Dave Meggett. Dave, hit us up. Yeah, huh? And then what, check in fancy football picks with Dave Meggett? Brought to you by my bookie.

If he calls in from behind bars and gives his fantasy picks. Yeah, but has no idea what's going on. That Troy Eggman still playing? Nah, man. All right, all right. Well, who else? Just has no clue? Just out of touch?

Yeah. He keeps trying to put Troy Palomalu in everywhere. Bro, I'd draft Christian Okoye. Yeah, no, he's a bruiser, buddy. He's a bruiser. Just no clue what's going on. Contract year. Contract year, boy.

Oh, man. I'm glad football's back, though. I love that football's back. Dude, I've been winning all my bets. Have you? Yep, and then my damn Denver Broncos. Ugh. My home team, I decided to put a little wager on them on a parlay,

five-team parlay. What happened? They're the only ones that fucked it up. Really? They're just not good. They're just not good. Yeah? They're terrible.

What were some of their failures? I didn't see some of it. I think John Gruden just outcoached them. We're known for our defense. Chubbs, and he completely took away Chubbs. Who, Nick Chubb? Yeah, baller. You know your football a little bitubbs. Who, Nick Chubb? Yeah. Baller. You know your football a little bit, huh?

Yeah, I know my football, dude. Better than you. You called him Nick Chubbs. What do you call him? Nick Chubb. Nah, Chubbs. His name is God-given name, dude. Those boys call him Chubbs. They do? Yeah, Chubb Chubbs. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, come on, dude. Yeah, Broncos suck this year, though. What can you do, Doug? Dude, I found a fucking candy in my room this morning and I have never had this candy before.

What kind was it? Huh? It was like a little licorice. Black or red? Black. Okay, now it's getting interesting. Because it's red, it's like that could happen to anyone. Black?

Certain kind of person like you. I know. Yeah, that's a fucking weird question. Yeah, man, I got no idea how it got there. I don't know. I've been thinking about it all morning. Was it just like a little nugget? Yeah. But I would never have black licorice, man. how it got there. I don't know. I've been thinking about it all morning. Was it just like a little nugget?

Yeah. But I would never have black licorice, man. I would never have it. You sure it's black licorice and not rat shit? Huh? And not rat shit?

Bro, if a rat's gonna shit, bro, I'm gonna watch it. Yeah, you're right. All right, dude. I know black licorice when I see it, man. It's a little bit

of black licorice. Are you a fan of it? No. Oh, I love black licorice. You do? That's the English in me. I know I love itice when I see it, man. It's a little bit of black licorice. Are you a fan of it? No. Oh, I love black licorice. You do? That's the English in me. I know. I love it.

No one else in here likes it? What a sicko. Wow. Not even Kat? Even Jimmy Chitwood, the new camera guy, doesn't like it. The new camera guy is saying no. Yeah. All right, new camera guy.

Black licorice, dude, is disgusting. With your bangs hanging down like that, I figured he didn't. It doesn't have any sugar in it. It's not even candy. It's just like a kind of a violent flavor. It kind of tastes like tree bark a little bit, doesn't it? Oh, it's gross, bro. It tastes like those towels they have at fancy gyms.

You know, they have the towels that smell fancy, they say. If you ate them? No, it's got like... Eucalyptus in it? Yes. Yes. I love that shit. But they always just smell like somebody's fucking butt, though, I feel like.

They don't really smell like eucalyptus. They smell kind of like somebody's butt from Vermont, I feel like. You know what I'm saying about it? I feel you, man. But I hate licorice, dude. I just don't know who brought it over or how it got there. Do you like red licorice? That's not licorice. What is it?

Huh? That's red candy. What is it? Red vines? You remember the rope? Huh? That's red candy. What is it? Red vines? Yeah. You remember the rope? Huh? You remember the red rope? Did they make a black rope? Nah, no one tried to buy that.

No, nobody's buying that shit, dude. That's what I'm saying. What are you doing, man? I don't know, dude. I grew up different. I used to eat dark licorice, dude, and fucking bet on the Broncos. Dude, I used to eat black licorice and wear a Dick Buckus jersey as a kid. Not many friends.

Wow, dude. Even the bees wouldn't sting you back then. Even the bees were like, no, we good. They'd be like, we're out of here. We good, dog. Dude, it took me two hours to get here today. Really? First time I was like, if this keeps happening. Yeah, you're turning into Brian, dude.

Dude, if this keeps happening. There's a fire on the fucking highway, bro. There ain't no fire on the highway, dude. This ain't the Bible. Dude, there's definitely no fire. I screenshotted my ETA, and then I was sitting on Topanga, one lane, and the cop goes, what's your map say? He sees me just looking. I go, it says hour and 20.

He goes, not a chance, brother. There's two fatalities up there. Two fatalities? Where do you fucking live? I thought I'm Mortal Kombat, dude. People die. That's what I'm saying. A lot of fictional shit, dude. I'm telling you, man. He said there was a unicorn fight the other day at the end of his driveway and that's why he couldn't get to work on time.

Well, that I believe. You're turning into Brian, man. Dude, my thing was I was upset about sitting in traffic for two hours, but then when they go, somebody died,

I went, could be worse. All right, man, have a good day. Yeah. That was cool. But who died, though? He didn't say. Oh, he didn't? No.

They should send a picture back car to car, you know? Okay, check it out. It comes back, yeah. This is what we're waiting for. And then you're like, eh. Older.

Yeah, let's move him to the side. Older. Let's move him to the side. He's for real. Let's move him to the side. Let's move him to the side, man. That's the problem with California. They just let anybody drive, too. Anybody, dude. What do you mean?

They let anybody drive. You want to limit it? They'll be a guy with no eyes, dude. They got a guy out there with no eyes. They pull him over. But he's Antifa, so they let him go. You know what's annoying me is how many people cry about the people that drive Teslas and fall asleep.

That's why you fucking buy those things, man. People fall asleep in them? All the time. They're self-driving. People are ratting on them like, look at this motherfucker on the highway. It's like, that's why he bought the goddamn thing. So he can snooze in traffic. Oh, he did? Yeah! That's why Brian bought his? But no, you can't. Oh, traffic. Well, he did? Yeah! That's why Brian bought his?

But no, you can't, oh, traffic. Well, he's going to be there all the time, apparently. Because he's fucking late because of all the fucking fires on the cement. Remember that one time he said there was a flood? He did say there was a flood. Near the PCH. I'm like, that's the ocean. That'd be the ocean to your right, sir. Yeah.

You asshole. And it's not coming for you. He said there's a flood coming for me. Like, that's a fucking ocean, dude. That's always been there. You're a delinquent. You and your chubby buddy that eats dark licorice. Jesus Christ, dude. Dude, you're looking thin.

Really? Yeah, stressed out. Is this his jersey? I don't think so. Yeah, I think it is. It's his jersey. You've been working out? No, I've been doing a little bit of yoga.

What else, man? Are you purposely trying to look like Meg Ryan or what's your point here? Is that how I look? You know, you slowly transition to Meg Ryan. Meg Ryan. Transition to Meg Ryan. I thought about that

this morning. I'm like, why does he look like Meg Ryan? You look like the kind that this morning. I'm like, why does he look like Meg Ryan? You look like the kind of guy that wants balloons at his funeral. Okay? You're out of your fucking mind.

Do you get stoked around Halloween because everyone goes, oh, sweet Meg Ryan costume, but you just dressed yourself? Whatever, man.

You look like the worst band member of Limp Bizkit. Yeah, Limp Scone. That's what they call me. Limp Scone. No, you do look thinner, dude. I'm just saying, man.

Really? Yeah. Maybe you're getting fatter, dude. Have you thought about that? No, I'm getting thinner, dude. I've been on this diet now for seven weeks. Really? Yeah, fitness.

I've been in a while. Straight keto, dude. Nobody's noticing that. Well, I begged the diff for everyone's telling me today I was looking thinner, dude. Nobody said anything. Yeah, they did. Really? Yeah, fitness. I've been in a while. Straight keto, dude. Nobody's noticing that. Well, I begged the deaf for it. Everyone's telling me today. I was looking at them. Nobody said anything. Yeah, they did.

Really? Yeah. Who did? Everybody. Chin, Derek, cat. Wow. Yeah, dude. Why don't you name it Sweet Red again, huh?

You fucking don't even know what you're talking about, dude. Dude, what the fuck are you talking about? You started naming colors of cheese. Green, blue cheese. And just because you rhyme it doesn't make it funny or real, dude. Dude, you named Chester cheese, bro. You're out of your mind. You're like the edible cat.

I'm like, you're fucking done. You're done in this town, dude. You're done in this shitty town. What up, boys? What's up, Doug? Want to start with a little debate club? If you want, Derek. What's up, Doug? What's up, dawg? Want to start with a little debate club? If you want, Derek. What's up, dawg? What's up, Derek, huh?

Oh, not much, man. What's up with you guys? Not much. Just chilling, dude. Alright, up first, we got Nathan Gunter. This is Nathan. Big Gunner. What's up, Theo? What's up, Brennan? Coming to y'all live straight out the boot. Best burgers, Louisiana. Got a debate club for y'all.

Who's the better serial killer? Jason Voorhees or Freddy Krueger? If you're asking me, I'm going Freddy all the way because there's not a time that he can't get you. You always have to sleep. Plus, Jason is scared of water. All I'd have to do is

jump into a river and he's not going to be able to get me. I think I'm a pretty strong swimmer, so I'm going Freddy Krueger all the way. Let me know what you guys think. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz, young man. Go Tigers, son. Dude, definitely Freddy Krueger. I used to have a Freddy Krueger

Nightmare Before Elm Street poster. That doesn't mean that he's more. I grew up a huge fan, so I'm definitely going to defend Freddy Krueger. Yeah, he had that ball skin. He looked like some ball sacks covered skin. He had the shitty skin. He was in a fire. Don't make fun of him.

You could not sleep, son. You could not sleep. Jason doesn't run. Only walks. Right? Walks fast. Lazy. I'm not gonna say any stereotypes. Can't swim. Yeah. Okay. Jason and you dress alike, first of all. Onesie. I'm not gonna say any stereotypes Can't swim Okay Jason and you dress alike first of all

Onesie Shitty weird accoutrements all the time Axe, hockey mask Could easily see you wearing some of that junk I've seen you wear Freddy Krueger's sweatshirt before So I'm good It was autumn Alright

Well I'm saying this I would go Jason Voorhees dude Because first of all It was autumn. All right. Well, I'm saying this. Who is the definitely? I would go Jason Voorhees, dude, because first of all, the guy, he played goalie. He played college goalie, first of all. People don't even know that about him. D1 ball. So you got to say right there he's an athlete. Dude, in some of his early work, he would put people in.

He would pick people up in a sleeping bag and beat them against a tree, bro. He was stronger. I'll give you that. He was strong. Dude. He was strong. I'd way rather run from Frederick in my dreams than fucking be laying in a sleeping bag and just know at any minute some man could close it up and fucking use me to tenderize an elm.

Dude, here's the thing. Jason's just a regular dude who's pissed off at the world. Freddy's like a straight-up monster. Freddy hides in your dreams. You can't go to sleep. No, he's everywhere, bro. He's not. If you're awake, he ain't doing shit, boy.

No, he pops up when you're awake, too. Well, what is that? That's cheating, dude. How you gonna go to sleep? Huh? How you ever gonna sleep? Dude, money never sleeps, bro. You know what I'm saying?

Grind, bro. You know what I'm saying? Stay awake, dude. You know, drive around the fires by your house, dude. Do something. Hashtag inspo. Yeah, keep it going, bro. What I'm saying is, though, Jason Voorhees, you could throw an axe from 200

yards and hit somebody. Hit a receiver, dude. Hit Mike Evans or fucking hit some bitch that's running from him in the woods. Here's the thing, though. I just jump in the water. This dumbass can't swim. Yeah, but an axe can swim, you delinquent dude. Hit Mike Evans or fucking hit some bitch that's running from him in the woods. Here's the thing, though. Okay? I just jump in the water. This dumbass can't swim. Yeah, but an ax can swim, you delinquent dude. What about that? What's that?

A fast shark? That's a fucking ax, boy. You're dead. All right. Freddy all day. Jason. What's the fan say? 54% Jason.

Boom! I love the adornment on that one, man. Boom, you freak! Don't touch me. Keep touching me. Don't touch me, dude. Freddy Krueger sweatshirt on. Don't touch me with all the burns on your hands from the fire you had to drive through.

Up next, we got Brandon Bayer. Oh, shit. He's got nipples on him. I got nipples. Could you milk me, fucker? I got a debate question for you guys today. If you get in a fight and you fuck your nose up, if you can see my shit's going off to the right,

get face surgery or just leave it. Gang, gang. Buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz. Dude, you don't fuck with the nose. You don't mess with the nose. It'll change your look for the rest of your life. You look like fucking Val Kimmerer.

You seen Val Kimmerer lately? It's tough, dude. It's tough. Your boy's had some nose surgeries. You just got to leave that shit. Also, no one wants a perfect nose. Who's my boy? You said your boy's had some nose surgeries. You just got to leave that shit. Also, no one wants a perfect nose. Who's my boy? You said your boys had some nose surgeries.

I'm your boy. You had some? Oh, yeah, two. Really? Reconstructive nose surgery. You had two nose jobs? Two, not Hollywood nose jobs, reconstructive nose jobs. Matter of fact, I've been talking about getting you a deal on one.

Really? Yes. Oh, definitely. Just take a little bit off, a little girth. Just a little girth. You know what I'm saying? I got that thick Oh, definitely. Just take a little bit off, a little girth. Just a little girth. You know what I'm saying? I got that thick header, bro. You need a two-car garage if you want me to breathe around you.

You feel me? Here's what I'm saying, dude. If your nose is broken, dude, you know, pray on it, I think. What about a Breathe Right strip? Look pretty cool. Yeah, but you'd have to almost get a real, like, rope to kind of hold it over against one ear. You know, you'd have to almost get a real rope to kind of hold it over against one ear. You'd have to almost lock it into an ear. The problem is when dudes touch their face, they all look exactly the same.

You've had two nose jobs, dude. Not like what he's going for, though. He's going for the looks nose, it seems like. What he broke his nose, what'd you get it for? Broken nose. Shattered nose. How can you not relate to this guy? Why am I the one relating to him? Because you've got for? Broken nose. Shattered nose. How can you not relate to this guy? Why am I the one relating to him?

Because you got a fucked up nose. Dude, the guy has shitty tattoos and a bad nose. This could be you. Hey, rewind it. Let me see how bad his nose is. It's not bad. No, it didn't look like there was an issue. Yo, what's going on, Theo?

What's going on, Brendan? It's his septum's off. I got a debate question for you guys today. If you get in a fight and you fuck your nose up, if you can see my shit's going off to the right, get face surgery or just leave it. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. Gang, bro.

What's up with face surgery? Let me see. Look up like this. Let me see yours. That left nostril. That left nostril could fit a grape in, bro. I put a grape in it. Yeah, I know you have.

Small one. Yeah. Nothing frozen. Is it could fit a grape in, bro. I put a grape in it. Yeah, I know. Small one. Yeah. Nothing frozen. Is it out? Huh? Oh, dude. You're buying nostril over here, bro? Dude, you can put mail in there, dog.

When you went like this, it was the number 10. Really? Yeah. Because one of them's thinner. This one's small. This one's large. Yeah. Well, my nose isn't even on center.

Did you break it? Huh? No, there's just like something inside. like there's like some bad scar tissue inside that kind of pulls it from the inside um i don't know probably childhood violence you know i don't know but the man went in there they tried to they cut they tried to cut some of it out but some of it stayed in there oh damn so because i remember for like two days my nose was kind of it was straight and then it i guess just grew back or whatever and I was like holy shit this is fucking crazy

but this guy dude I think you're fine bro I think first of all I don't think you got a problem I don't think you need a shirt I don't think you need a nose job I don't think you need anything you got two Star of Davids you got a tattoo what is that an owl?

a bird? no it's a snake. It's two snakes. Oh, you got two snakes? Two snakes. I was thinking the same thing. Dude, you're fine, bro. You're going to heaven, dude.

So I would chill out, man. I'd pull over and get some rest, I think, honestly. Yeah, you look pretty tired. I'm super white teeth. I'd get more tattoos and still say fuck the nose. Leave the nose, dude. Dude, yeah. If you get another tattoo, then it fits. Yes. I'd get more tattoos and still say fuck the nose leave the nose dude dude yeah if you get another tattoo

nobody's then it fits yes you know I think if you have a broken nose and you keep it you gotta have like six tattoos to offset it

that's why I have so many tattoos my face looks like shit really? distraction yeah distraction damn yeah suddenly you're like

holy shit who have I been looking at for a while yeah that's why I woke up this morning and I'm like oh cool Meg Ryan

that's cool what else do we got 62% of people went with looking at for a while. That's why I woke up this morning. I'm like, oh, cool. Meg Ryan. That's cool. What else do we got? 62% of people went with never touch your face ever. Wow. It's tough. But also, though. What you do, it's a dangerous road. Well, I agree with that.

But also, it's people like, not everybody can even afford to touch their face. Yeah. So it's like, I think it's something you have to do when you're young, probably. You think? You know? Oh, fix your nose? You're talking about like face surgery. Yeah. If you're young, probably. You think? Oh, fix your nose? You're talking about face surgery. Yeah, if you're going to get a reconstructive

surgery. What do they do in your community, Kat? They really don't do it except their eyes, though. Right, Kat? Eyes? Yeah. Every now and then you'll see an Asian girl or guy with a nose job. And they paint their eyes on their head and close their eyes. Exactly.

And what is that? You can't drive like that, huh? No, you shouldn't. What if you have a Tesla, yeah. Exactly. Just have money. That's really the answer to everything. Do Asian girls get their lips done? Lips? More so now, yeah. Wow. I like that shit. Do you?

I'm not mad at... What else do they get done? A lot of Asian girls get liposuction, get the fat put elsewhere. Yeah, hell yeah. More of them are getting- What is that called? Gentrification? Yeah, in some places, I'd say.

Butt jobs are a little more common now. Usually, boob jobs are the biggest ones within Asian girls, yeah. Yeah, because they used to have flat asses and big, fake tits. They did? Yeah, for a long time. That's crazy. It is crazy. How can you even stand up or something? If somebody pushes you from the back, you're going down.

Absolutely, you don't. That's the way they like it, though. Yeah. Somebody hits you in a spitball on the back and you fucking go and you could go down a flight of stairs. That's crazy. It's crazy. Dude, watching some girl who's trying to balance her tits on her chest all day.

That's insane. We had a girl like that in school. Her tits were so big. It was like if she actually stood up, she would just fall completely face forward. But they were real, though, right? Were you like in middle school? They were real tits on her chest all day. That's insane. We had a girl like that in school. Her tits were so big. It was like if she actually stood up, she would just fall completely face forward. But they were real though, right? Were you like in middle school? They were real tits. Dude, we had a girl.

They were like bellies almost. They were like two alcoholic bellies on her chest. Dude, I don't want to give away the girl's last name. Her name was Danielle. We'll call her Danielle J. She had the biggest natties you've ever seen. But we're in seventh grade, bro. That is awesome. You're looking at her tits in seventh grade, you pedophile. Because I was seen. But we're in seventh grade, bro. That is awesome.

You're looking at her tits in seventh grade, you pedophile. Because I was awesome. I was also in seventh grade. Dude, it's such a distraction. It's a curse for that poor girl. She had some milk jugs in seventh grade, dude. What are you talking about? Breasts or nipples?

Dude, I'm talking about fat titties, Theo. And they were so distracting. She'd wear overalls and just these huge Olympic-sized tits, man. Oh, yeah. In seventh grade, you're like, hi, you're teaching me about fucking earth science. And you got fucking tits McGee over here.

Bro, that ain't tits McGee, bro. That's Jupiter and Saturn, dude. God, bro. God bless her. I felt bad for her. She can go anywhere. Everyone just stared at her tits. Why? In seventh grade. Oh, dude. God bless her. I felt bad for her. She can go anywhere. Everyone just stared at her tits. Because we're, why? In seventh grade. Oh, definitely.

Dude, I remember one girl, I just couldn't even talk to her. Her tits were so big. If I would go near her, I would just vomit. And be erect at the same time, bro. That sounds cool. Yeah. What is that called, actually, when you're vomiting and having an erection at the same time? Can you look that up?

It's an urban dictionary, I think. Is it? Yeah. I think it's called like a, what is that? Vomiting with erectile dysfunction. They went with erectile dysfunction. Oh, yeah. If that's a warning sign for erectile dysfunction, yeah.

It's a big warning sign. Then that's accurate. But back then they called it something different. Like, I don't remember what they called it. I have to think about what it was. Embarrassing? Huh? I don't think so.

As soon as you come around, it's better than... Hi, how you doing? It's better than just being some guy who's just vomiting with no erection. Yeah, you're right. Some weakling. Yeah, well, or you could just not vomit and just get a bone in your pants like every other 7th grader, dude. How old were you? Huh? 27th? Dude, you're the one who was trying to look at

7th grade girls' tits, bro. I was in 7th grade! But you knew you were gonna be older, you asshole. You're disgusting, dude. I also knew she was gonna grow older, too, you know? With those tits, anything could happen to her, bro. She might have been older, though. She's having sex, too, man.

How crazy is that? Dude, I'm not thinking about a seventh grade girl having sex. I'm not either, but she was getting down, dude. That was the rumor, bro. If a girl has a tit, then everybody thinks

they're having sex, dude. And if a kid has a beard, if he has a mustache, they're like, oh, he's getting down. They're like, damn, Lamont is fucking. And if he had the chops

of cyborgs, they're like, dude, he's getting fucking, you know? And if he had, like, the chops of Cyborg, he's like, dude, he's getting his dick sucked. Yeah. He's getting his dick sucked by Betsy Ross, dude. Dude. Facial hair in middle school? Abraham fucking, yeah. You don't want to be that guy because you're peaking. Yeah.

You're peaking, bro. You don't want to be that. Peaks in middle school. Oh, yeah, some guy always peaked in middle school. We had people in our middle school because it was like at a certain time they grandfathered in people that had been in school for, I guess, too long or whatever. Sure. Because some people, they'd stay in school, they were like 18, and then just give them a job as a janitor. Like, oh, you're a janitor. Just stick around. Yeah, this year you're a janitor. Like last year, you were still in the fifth grade, but now you're a

janitor. You're all out of grades. Yeah. You're a janitor. Dude, we had this one guy, Mr. Larry, in our class, bro. He could piss over you into the urinal when you were pissing. He's an older man? Huh? I mean, he was a student, you know? I would say he was older, though. That's unacceptable in most places, you know? But you're trying to keep people educated.

Yeah, but it sounds like he's trying to piss on young kids. He's pissing over them. Sometimes. Dude, he hit maybe two out of maybe 30 kids. That's a problem. I don't think so. It's a big problem. I's pissing over them. Sometimes. Dude, he hit maybe two out of maybe 30 kids. That's a problem. I don't think so. It's a big problem. I never got hit, bro.

I fucking never got hit by that dude's piss. Dude, I ain't no freaking weak boy. Yeah, you're right, Doug. What else we got? Up next, this is Raven. Raven.

Wait, did we vote on that or no? Oh, we did. 62% said don't touch the face. Don't touch the face. But when you think about that, that's 38% said touch the face. Touch that face. It would have to be really bad to touch the face. Don't touch the face. But when you think about that, that's 38% said touch the face.

Touch that face. It would have to be really bad to touch that face. Yeah. This is Raven, fellas. Oh. That's so Raven. Hey, Brendan. It's Raven from Arkansas.

Woo big suey. Anyway, it's got Theo's donkey on my screen. Oh, that butt. With Joey Diaz about to rub one out to it. Anyway, I don't blame him. I bet Brendan would too. Anyway, bad debate club. Probably. I have five people

to choose from, but I needed to pick narrow it down to two for you guys. Anyway, who's the better dancer? Chris Brown or Ursa Baby? Anyway, gang, gang. What is up, girl? What's up?

What's up, girl? Who was I arguing with the other night? I was at the Comedy Store and they were talking about you have some junk in the trunk. It was me, you, and Ron Taylor. And we were talking about how Theo's got a badonka. My girl. Your girl, but then your opener. What's his name?

Ari Maness. Ari. Because we were arguing about it. I go, Theo doesn't have an ass. He doesn't do squats or deadlifts. And everyone's like, no, he got an ass. Theo got some kicks. I went, Theo has kicks?

And then Ari came up and went, hey, does Theo have an ass? He goes, oh, yeah, bro. I've never seen it. You always hide that thing. You're always in those cheeks bro Dude let them breathe I'm of age that's probably why I'm not looking at it

Dude get the cheekers out bro Fucking clap clap clap Quit hating dude You're hating on everyone's enjoyment bro Yeah I know quit hiding that thing bro Hiding it dude I've had back surgery Because of it dude It's so hard to lay I can't lay on my back at night.

You got a fat ass. Huh? Yeah. This is news to me. It's like laying on a hillside. Oh, wow. Dude, everyone swore by it, too. Yeah.

When I went, Theo has a flat ass, everyone went, what? I said, you're built like a hyena. And then they were like, no, he's not. And then even Ari was like, oh, dude, I've seen that thing in the flesh. It is. Oh, no, he hasn't. That's what he said. Unless he's putting cameras in my hotel room.

He said it's like two watermelons back there. What? I couldn't believe it. Because you're always sitting on it around me. Yeah. I'm going to keep it away from you, you creep. I'm just saying, dude, don't hide those cheeks. It's a shame.

I wore shorts today for you. All right. Well, we're getting better. But you got a long jersey out the back, dude. That thayena, bro. Yeah, thayena. Get them cheeks out the back, bro., dude. That Thayena, bro. Yeah, Thayena. Get them cheeks out the back, bro. Quit hating.

That fucking slangaroo, boy. You know what I'm saying? Brennan's trying to think of something. Nah, I'm thinking how much money he can make as a fucking... No, you can feel it, man. It's kind of like when a car takes a wrong turn and goes into a cul-de-sac. And you know they're going to come back? And it comes back out.

It's the same sound. Nothing. You just kind of hear somebody just beating on the steering wheel a little in the distance crazy how loud the silence can be it's crazy dude definitely god man don't be mad because i want you to get your cheeks out on stage dude quit. Quit thinking about my butt, you adult man. I'm just saying, did seven adult men have an argument about your ass the other day? Yeah, we did. And I lost that argument, apparently. Bill the Thrill Clinton went to University of Arkansas, so shout out.

I would say, I think probably Chris Brown. She wants to know who'd win in a fight? Better dancer. Oh, God. Chris Brown all day. But I wonder about now, though, because Chris Brown, I a fight? Better dancer. Oh, God. Chris Brown all day. But I wonder about now, though, because Chris Brown, I'm sure... Oh, no. Have you seen... He just dropped a new video with this

dying piece, and they're dancing. It's just him. All he really does now is dance and punch people, but that's what he does. Well, I just know he's in a lot of lawsuits, and he's probably... I can't imagine what it's going to be like. A lot of those guys just get sued so much they end up with nothing. Who was that guy, T-Pain, just saying that he had nothing, he said. See that video to be like. A lot of those guys just get sued so much. They end up with nothing. Who was that guy, T-Pain, just saying he had nothing, he said.

See that video? He's in a lot of pain. He had $40 million and he's broke now. From what, though? Broke, dude. I mean, had to give his cars up. Yeah, but what's he been buying with $40 million? He bought a bunch of stuff of bad investments. He said he had a friend who was his money manager, would see things and think he could make them better, and he never made any of them better.

And he just bought them. That's on you, bro. Oh, I agree. The interesting thing about it is he doesn't seem upset about it. No, he just won the Masked Singer. He did? Yep. He was on there?

Yep. He won, right? I know he's on it. Yeah, he won this first season. Wow. So his career's looking up. Who's in there? T-Pain.

Really? It's just him against himself. Yeah, that show looks so strange. It looks terrible. It looks terrible. It looks so bad. What's your question? Oh, who's better?

Dude, Chris Brown all day. I like his show back in the day. There's a video of them going back and forth. Is there? Yeah, but a young Chris Brown, right? But yeah, Chris Brown's way better. Oh, Chris Brown's. Dude, this is like, who's better, GSP or Khabib?

Like, he learned from Usher, and then he 2.0. But Usher. Oh, those J's are. Why do you say J's on fire? Because he's hot as one. Usher's Are those J's? Why do you say J's on fire? Because he's the hottest one. Usher's smoother, though. Usher's like silt. And what's his name is like a fucking really fast burlap.

Chris Brown. I'm a Chris Brown fan. Are you? You seem like you would be, dude. Underage women. Dude, he gets in a straight up. Fucking seventh grade tits. He gets in a fisticuff with Rihanna, and she kind of won the fight, and then his career goes down the drain.

Yeah, but it keeps going back up the drain, though. It's like up and down the drain. Yeah, it is. I'm a fan. Yeah, and Rihanna's a way tougher dude than Chris Brown is. Yeah, I'd rather fight Chris than Rihanna all day. Yeah. She's zero.

Yeah. She's a hitter. She's a hitter. Yeah. She's zero. If she, yeah, she's, yeah. She's a hitter. She's a hitter. She's a hitter. I don't care, actually. I'll tell this girl this. Yeah.

Man, Bill, honestly, do not give a fuck who's a better dancer. I gotta do a deal. This isn't my expertise. They both can dance. I don't give a fuck. Don't give a fuck. Let's go to Derek. These are his, you know, he would have more insight than you've probably heard people talk about them more in your life than we have. So let's go to the culture corner.

Chris Brown, all day. Usher's just old, man. Them knees, them knees starting to bang up on him, you know? Kat, who do you like better? You're younger, so probably Chris Brown fan? I wouldn't say I'm a Chris Brown fan, but he's definitely the better dancer. Wow. Chris Brown's so talented. So talented. Why aren't you a Chris Brown fan, but he's definitely the better dancer. Wow. Chris Brown's so talented.

Yes. So talented. Why aren't you a Chris Brown fan, the whole Rihanna stuff? It's a combination of that, and I think his music's just not for me. Interesting. He doesn't miss for me. I celebrate his whole catalog. He does?

He have a dick? How do you know? Tosh.no talked about it one day and brought him on an episode and he showed it. It's beautiful, man. It's the most beautiful dick I've ever seen. On some art shit, not on some gay shit. On some just, you know, respect.

What do you mean, bro? What do you mean art shit? When you see a naked woman, you're like, oh, that's nice. You're on some Deichelangelo shit right now, bro. You sound like a gay. Get you a Klondike, bro. Yeah, you might be homoerotic, bro. And that's all right, dude.

I just want to sculpt it. I don't want to touch it. Dude, whatever, bro. It should be seen. Whatever you like, Doug. Bro, clay to gay, bro. That's where you're headed. And that's fine, dude, if you want to be gay.

I don't care. Brennan might be gay, dude. We don't know yet, dude. Well, we know, but. The jury's still out. I'm like that seventh grade girl with big tits. I'm going to grow older. We'll see what happens.

Bro, the jury's out in the courtroom waiting for you to show back up and accept your sentence, dude. That's all I'm saying. The jury's been sitting in there milling. It might be me, but it might be Derek, because he said Chris Brown has a beautiful dick, and he's the one who validated for your ass cheeks. Hard. Hard.

That's a good point. I'm like, all right, dude. All right, I believe you. He's not built like a hyena. And he just got his girlfriend a very short haircut. By short, you mean shaved her head.

And he has his girlfriend on him's vitamins. There could be more to meet the eye. And as we're wearing Old Spice. I love Old Spice, dude. Me too, bro.

Not the gel. Hard stick. What else we got? 51% went with Usher, which is weird. Little Clown My Hound next, boys. Yeah, let's get these pooches out here. Up first, this is Rev. Shout out, first of all, Will Lutz, dude, who kicked that 58 yada last night.

Son! 58 yas, bro. Dude, could you kick 58-yarder last night, son! 58 yards, bro. He just kicked a field goal, dude. Dude, could you kick a field goal, dude? You were a fullback. This looks like Brendan right here, this dog. Dude, that dog's dope. Hey, I do look like him, don't I?

Yeah, you do. Dude, is this a rap video? Why does this guy have guns and pitbulls and there's a bat? What is this? What do you mean, dude? It's just a white guy, bro. He's chill, dude. Look, his friend has a bat and hair on his legs. Dude, that's not chill. Is this a Proud Boys rally?

What's going on here? If these were black guys, it would be just regular guys. So it's just white guys. I would assume it's a rap video. Yeah, but I think it's a rap video, but the guy looks like an accountant a little bit. He looks like Lenocci on steroids a little bit.

No, dude. Lenocci's not as handsome as this young guy. You're right. That dog's handsome, though. It seems like three different dogs, though. That's the same guy. His name's Rev. Five years old, 69 pounds. This big boy. Vicky. Boy, he's Rev. Five years old. 69 pounds. This big boy. Vicky.

Boy, he's a cute ass dog. Look at him. And his legs. Do you have forearms or just top arms? I can't tell. That's just part of a arm. You don't have a full arm. No, he's all thigh too.

Yeah, it's all thighs. It's just thighs and feet. Yeah. Got that hourglass figure. What? Yeah. Look how skinny his little waist is. What are you talking about, dude?

That's an animal, bro. Yeah, dude. Pimples have tiny little waists and they'll blow out thighs. It's an animal, bro. Blow out thighs, dude. This is more like an animal trying to survive in a fucking gated community. I don't think that's gated

to the left. Look at his little gut. Oh, my God. in a fucking gated community. I don't think that's gated to the left. You don't think so? Look at his little gut. Oh, my God. His little, bro. That's the weakest gun I've ever seen. Oh, my God, bro. You ain't killing nobody with that.

Dude, you shoot it, and it just staples some papers together. That gun is horrible, bro. That gun's so depressing. And he thinks he looks so tight. Hey, bro, will you scratch my back with that gun and some bullets? That thing looks weak. That shit is so weak. Bro, I'd shoot my fucking self with that thing, dude,

just to be able to take the afternoon off of work. That thing looks sad. Bro, you can shoot yourself five times in the throat and still sing the national anthem of words. That thing looks sad. Bro, you can shoot yourself five times in the throat and still sing the national anthem, bro. That is a weak piece, dude. Oh, man.

That's Antifa, bro. Yeah, you're right. God, it never ends, man. Was there any other facts on this or what? No, that was all we had on this big boy. Yeah, what are they saying?

Just the dog? His name Rev? His name's Rev, yeah. That's a cute dog. He's showing off his guns. Yeah. Well, thug life. What else they saying? Just the dog? His name's Rev? His name's Rev, yeah. That's a cute dog. He's showing off his guns. Yeah. Well, thug life. What else you got?

Flump. What is it? Roast my wiener? What is the fucking thing? What is this show about? Ow, my out. No idea what this show is about. Are we giving him relationship advice with his dog?

Oh, God. Up next, this is from Peru. This next dog is a Peruvian hairless dog from Connor. Oh, God. Up next, this is from Peru. This next dog is a Peruvian hairless dog from Connor. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Very similar vibe as Theo with the haircut. For sure. Okay.

Not that it's a problem. Yeah, that makes that sentence more comfortable. Yeah, that alleviates the pain of what you said. Well, you chose to look like Patrick Swayze. Um, it, does he have long eyelashes?

Does that hair hang off his face? He's in a fire, Brendan. Dude, I don't think this dog has eyeballs. I think this dog's dead. Told y'all. People don't even have eyes,

but I'll give him a driver's license in California. They probably will. And is this definitely a dog? The second half of his body looks like a swine. It does look very piggy. It's a Peruvian hairless dog. That's a dog. Yeah.

First of all, in Peru, everything's bacon, bro. So, dude, I'll have a quarter. You know, I'll put a little bit of this on some fucking decent bread, bro. Yeah, I'll toss a little hot sauce and eat his ass. Oh, my bread, bro. Yeah, I'll toss a little hot sauce and eat his ass. Oh my God, man. Dude, I don't know why that came out like that. Dude, I meant to stop.

Dude, what the fuck is going on? I don't know. Dude, I don't know why that came out like that. Bro, that's an animal, man. And it's underage. The guy said it's only seven months old. I don't know why that came out like that. Bro, that's an animal, man. And it's underage. The guy said it's only seven months old. I don't know why I said it.

I don't know why it came out like that. I heard you. I don't want you to hear it again. You're talking about eating pigs. I didn't say anything. You're talking about eating them with your sandwich. And I thought... Yeah, we heard you, bro.

He ate his ass. Why don't you even care about yourself, dude? Why do you say things like that all the time? Dude, sometimes you got to take the day off, you know? Yeah, you should have, bro. Maybe the fire surrounding your house wasn't enough of a warning sign. You're going to eat this young animal's sphincter and anus, bro? This thing is, it said seven months old in a foreign country.

How old is he? Who are you, dude? Jerry Epstein? Bro, you are disgusting, man. Hot tossing his ass. Bro, you look like the guy who got fired, the fucking conductor that was doing drugs inside of Thomas the Train, bro. You need help, dude.

Can we fix it? Let's move on. Yes, we can. All right, boys. Up next. Jesus, get me out of this. God, man. I don't know what happened there.

We'll do a little relationship advice. We're going to go to jail. There goes anybody running for office. This is Andrew asking for some relationship advice. Gang, gang. Is that Andrew from Bleach Media? I don't know what that is. What's up, Theo and Brendan?

I've got a crazy relationship advice question so I recently broke up with my girl we've been we were dating for a year and a half and it got to the point where she was just bringing me down all the time telling me that I need to see a therapist telling me that I need to read books I don't read books so i broke up with her but the thing is she's trying to help still live together for the next couple weeks she's gonna move out in about two weeks but my question is i want to know for the next two weeks, is it acceptable to have a little slam piece over? I live in the basement. My ex-girl lives upstairs.

She might not even know if I had some little sleut over. Would that be okay? Or would that just kind of be pushing the boundaries at all? I fully support him. I'm the roommate and best friend. Roommate. That guy looks like Hillary Swank, bro.

Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. Gang, gang, players. Buzz, buzz. I don't know how many slam pieces are vying to get that basement. How about it, bro? Yeah, I mean, it sounds like you're stalking women I don't know if any slam pieces are vying to get that basement. It's a big problem.

Have at it, bro. Yeah, I mean, it sounds like you're stalking women on Vine. What I want to say is, first of all, that was not a dig at your buddy. I think Hilary Swank is one of the finest young men that's ever walked in. I think she's handsome. I think she's handsome as well. She did work in Million Dollar Baby. Oh, dude, definitely.

She's definitely better than some of these, definitely some of the Bantamweight fighters I've seen recently. I'll take her over Vin Diesel. Yee. What I'm saying is, first of all, are you sure you don't live with your mom, bro? It sounds like you and your mom might be having an erroneous relationship, daddy. Hey, also, let's say you do have a bunch of slam pieces vying to get into that basement with your best friend roommate.

Can you wait two weeks? Could you hold out two weeks so the girlfriend doesn't have to see it? What do you mean two weeks? And here's the other thing. I don't know if I believe you have a girlfriend. I'm just going to throw that out the elephant in the room. Yeah, it sounds like you and your brother won't move out. It sounds like you won't move out. It sounds like

you won't move out, guy. It sounds like a real problem, dude. And first of all, yeah, fuck while you're indoors because in two weeks you're outdoors, dude. Alright? It doesn't sound like you guys have a huge problem, a huge plan. I didn't hear like a printing press going on down there. I didn't see anybody,

I didn't see any like crafts or mercantilery in the background. No textiles. Dude, you guys have two weeks to get your shit together. And you're stalking people on the gram, bro. Stalking people on the gram. Also calling women slam pieces. I would fix that in this culture, my man. Good luck, brother.

But, yeah, I think, I don't know. What do you think, Kat? You're a woman. I really don't believe any of this. Wow. Because you're telling me the girlfriend lives upstairs. He lives in the basement with his best friend. Yeah.

And you're trying to bring a girl to the basement to fuck? Yeah. I'm almost positive it's his mom. She wanted to read books and go to therapy. Yeah. Dude, case solved here. Your mom's trying to make you a better person, bro. Yeah. He's young, too, man. Oh, this kid's

probably 13 or 14. Kat, have you ever heard the term slam piece? I have, only from people who don't get laid. Yes, correct. Yeah, and I was in New Jersey, Philadelphia one time in the middle of the night, and I was at a bar.

I was in a house. It was a club, a nightclub. Somebody had some zoning loophole. It was a house bar club? It was a house bar club. It was a house. Imagine walking into somebody's house

and it's a nightclub. Like in a neighborhood, dude. Really, really bizarre. We call it a house party. People were dancing, bro. They had a DJ. Between every song, they would stop and do

the Eagles fight song. Oh, wow. And then at one point, the DJ came on and was like, who wants to fuck one of these slam pigs tonight i was like oh so slam pigs i left and what girl's like yeah i'm a slam pig yeah some girl jumped out the window for no reason yeah it was bad places just this was out manny young before they before it got gentrified it was a

real shithole d have you heard the term slam piece? No, I've never heard of slam piece. I've never heard of slam piece. That's what he's talking about, fucking Hulk Hogan. You know what I mean? That was crazy. The chick was wearing a Brutus the Barber Beefcake t-shirt as well, one of the women. The slam pig?

Yeah. Wow. Slam pig's going to be heavier women. And they love to wrestle in that area anyway. You get in New Jersey and PA, man, people love wrestling, Springsteen, all that. Oh, wow. Good luck, dude. That's all you got for him?

That's good luck. That's it, bro. We solved this case. All right, boys. A little rip my drip. We'll start with NFL quarterback Cameron. Ugh. Cameron Newton.

Yeah. Oh. And you know me, man. I take some fashion risk, but this is just almost unacceptable. This is risky. The scarf, the Suzanne Somers scarf is where I draw the line. God, where do you even start with this? I say this, man.

It looks like you walked into Goodwill and someone went, hey, check this out, and shot him with a gun, and just that's what came on him. Oh, yeah. Poof. The gun will? Yeah. And it could be also that he looks, I call this gone with the winds, because his team is going to take so many fucking L's this year.

Cam Newton has turned into the Dwight Howard of football. It's getting bad, bro. It's getting bad. He's not tough on the field anymore. He's out there laughing, smiling. I know, have a good time. That's fine. But you won't be having a good time.

Yeah, you won't be having a good time in the playoffs, man. Now, with that said, I think that the attire, it kind of has a little bit of like a Zorro meets sort of like a senior citizen. He looks like the worst magician. He looks like a struggling magician right now that you'd see on 3rd Street in Venice. I see Grandma.

Here's the problem. I think the outfit would be dope if he ditched that stupid ass scarf. It makes sense. You're in the middle of the summer. Carolina. Short shorts. The cut off. It's the scarf that just makes him look ridiculous. Yeah, the suit is the summer, Carolina, short shorts, the cutoff. It's the scarf that just makes them look ridiculous. Yeah, the suit is actually kind of nice, man. It makes sense.

He got a decent suit. It makes sense. And he's came in. I remember I was in Charlotte one time. I was eating on a port outside at an eating area. And a man walked by with a baby carriage. And he was dressed like wearing a bunch of shit. And it was the summertime.

And I thought it was a homeless guy selling something, you know? It was Penn and Teller? No, it's Cam Newton. Really? Yeah, he was just wearing like a big coat, and he was pushing the baby carriage. He had a real baby in it. I thought he had goods or something in it. He dressed like the third Penn and Teller.

They dress very similar. But summer style. Like, it makes sense. If you ditch the scarf, this is pretty swaggy. Penn never shuts up, dude. You guys, I'm in a bad mood today. Penn never shuts up. You watch that interview with Rogan?

He does not shut, he does not shut the fuck up. That guy's the worst, dude. No wonder his buddy doesn't say anything, that other guy. Yeah, they're like, no, it's just our act. No, I think he's sick of your shit. That dude is a know-it-all, bro. I interviewed him one time for something. It was miserable. Really? But the man, yeah, I would maybe makeit-all, bro. I interviewed him one time for something. It was miserable.

Really? But the man, yeah, I would maybe make the scarf disappear, dude. Yeah. But otherwise. I'm a Cam Newton fan. I think he gets a bad rap. He's actually a really good player. Shit team.

Nah. Shit coaching. No protection. If you look at his stats, too, a chance he'll be a Hall of Famer. Ron Rivera's a great coach. I don't think he's that good. Good defensive coach. Good defensive coach. Dude, I think he'll be a Hall of Famer. Ron Rivera's a great coach. I don't think he's that good. Good defensive coach. Good defensive coach.

Dude, I think he's had a lot of weapons. He has McCaffrey. McCaffrey's amazing. They have no line, though. They're not that bad, man. He has a great defense. He's not great. But they're good enough for him to do better, I think.

You look at his stats. I mean, he has some mishaps, but he's a solid player, man. Okay, I'll say this. He's like the Carmelo Anthony of football. I think he's good. That's fair. But he's not a champion. No one wants to play with him.

Not a champion. He's not a champion. He did go to the Super Bowl, if you remember, though. Did he? Yeah. And lost. Damn. He did win a national championship at Auburn.

And here's the other thing. He was the backup quarterback to Tim Tebow at Florida. He was. Wow. And he got kicked out of Florida for stealing a laptop. Did he? Yep.

And went to Auburn. Won a national championship. But this scarf is what gets me. That stuff's fine. God, I hate it. Yeah, that scarf is... Listen, everything else I can fucks with.

Matter of fact, I'd like to know where you got it. The scarf is where I draw the line. Yeah. Would you wear a hat like that ever, Theo? I feel like you'd look cool with a hat like that.

Mm-mm. No? I don't wear that type of hat. Doesn't he look like he's saying, y'all children better close that front door now. Yeah. Close that front door. I told y'all. He might be more, look, I'll say this.

In three years, he could be the toughest woman ever to play fucking in the NFL. The Joanna man of the NFL? It could be. Now, that I'll say this, in three years he could be the toughest woman ever to play in the NFL. The Joanna man? It could be. Now that I would think would be dope. If he went sex change and then won a Super Bowl, gang shit, bro. Super gang. Gang, gang, son. What else you got, D?

What else you got, man? We got Daniel Saldivani. This is Daniel. Wow. Is this taken out of a Bloomingdale catalog? No, this guy is a real person, and he sent in a bunch of different things. Of him just modeling the fuck out of things? Of him modeling different stuff.

This looks like one of your roommates, Brendan, first of all, with this guy's wedding. Hey, by roommate, do you mean my kid? This guy has a garden, yeah. I could see that, and your kid keeps emailing me, too. He's sick of my shit? He doesn't like the conditions at home, he said. This guy's a garden. Yeah. I could see that. And your kid keeps emailing me too. That he's not. He's sick of my shit. He doesn't like the conditions at home, he said. Some of his exact wording.

Dude. And there was juice stains on the email that was like a juice box. Some high C. Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. Dude, this turtleneck is worn the fuck out. He's a straight up model though.

Is he outdoors? It looks like he might be waiting for something. He's a straight up model, though. Is he outdoors? It looks like he might be waiting for something. He's by the water. He could be waiting for a boat or somebody to show up. Does he have a friend maybe by the boat? Dude, it's a ginger hot summer. Gingers are killing it these days. Is this not ginger?

Canelo, him, Santino. Felder. Felder. Felder. Gang gang. What else do we got? What does this guy want from us? What, do you want relationship advice?

Why you can't get any dudes? No, here's the, first of all, he could be, bro, he's very stylish. First of all, Bernie, you don't know anything about real style. Yeah, you're right. You dress well. You win a lot of your fucking clothes at one of those places where you get the tickets and trade them in at the counter. Okay?

Dude, just because Drew Brees gave you a Make-A-Wish jersey, you think you're stylish today? He sent a picture and went, ooh, he's not going to be around long. Yeah, send him one of the Super Bowls. Send him one of the Super Bowl jerseys. I don't think I'm ever stylish, dude. But I also don't shop at Kindergarten. So what I'm saying is this guy obviously is waiting for someone. Does he have any more information? Did the boat leave?

Like, I need some details. Yeah, maybe this guy's trying to get to Nantucket, bro. He didn't send in anything. He just wants you to work at the cloud. Looks like he's saying, Nan, fuck it. This could be John Travolta's, one of his little side pieces that he's ferrying in out there to Nantucket or Narragansett or whatever. And Narragansett isn't a racial slur either. It's a town, I think. Township.

Looks like he's looking for Kevin Spacey. I got a lot of questions here, dude. Dude, well, the water looks very calm. Does it say what waterway that is? No, he didn't say. That'd be the Pacific, though, I'd assume, yeah? You think? Yeah, because that's not very blue.

You don't know, bro. Yeah, Pacific ain't blue. Pacific's nasty looking. No, it isn't, dude. It's fucking humongous. You haven't seen a lot of the Pacific, dude. I didn't say the size, bro. I'm saying the color.

The Pacific Ocean in California is not blue, bro. The color changes everywhere, Brendan. What else we got? You think the ocean only have one color, dude? You're out color changes everywhere, Brendan. What else you got? You think the ocean only have one color, dude? You're out of your mind, bro. You have one color to oceans? You're going to hell, boy. Let's wrap it up, boys, with some K-Large Sting It.

Jesus. Oh, God, you guys are fucking idiots. There's fire surrounding your home. You think oceans... Dude, there's never a fire, bro. Yeah, your tech said, oh oh big fire today on the street no fires gonna be an hour late up first this is angie boys this is angie hey theo brendan it's angie calling from upstate new york with a king at her stinging

depending on how you answer maybe relationship advice so girls who pay for meals on the first couple of dates while you're going to know somebody do guys find it intimidating or do they not really care i'm wondering because i don't go on many second dates with them and i'm really hoping that it's them being intimidated and not that they don't like my awesome personality. So I'm looking for a guy's perspective. Let me know what you're thinking. Keep doing what you're doing.

Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz, girl. Gang, gang. You've been a side piece forever. Did you mind people paying or what? I remember I went on a date with a gal one time, a second date, and she paid. And I still, and then I didn't hear from her after that.

And I didn't know if I was, I think from her after that and i didn't know if i was i think let me think i didn't know if i how did she pay though did the check come and she was like i got this one check came she said you got it last time oh that's nice and so i didn't i said well i said i think i can i i i said i can get it and she goes goes, no, no, I got it. And I was like, oh, I really feel like I should pay for it, but I'm going to let you pay for it. And then you never heard from her again. I never heard from her. But I don't know if that had anything to do with it or not, though.

No, it did. She also was a, this lady had some money. So it's not like she was without. She had some money. I don't know if she was a baller, but she had some money, and she had some money that night. I'm old school, man. I feel uncomfortable if a girl pays.

I feel super uncomfortable, especially first date. Yeah, bro. What's the next thing? You're going to open up my door? You know what I'm saying? Yeah. No, I don't want that. Strong women.

You look like the type of dude that lets a girl open the doors for you. I've been under a lot of stress recently. This year, I will. Next year, I'm opening. What do you think, D? Would you let your girl pay all the time? Yeah. The first date you would? First date, no. First date, let me quit being... No, let me do it. But second, third

date? See, I don't mind your situation. She's like, listen, you got last time, let me get this. Yeah, it was pretty cool. Then that seems normal. That's cool. But the first date, she's like, no, no, no. I don't need anything. I'm like, whoa. Chill. Kat, you be paying for your man?

Yeah, every now and then. I mean, I don't like people paying for me a lot of the time, so I don't like to eat out a lot. You're a separatist? No, I just. You've never ate out with us, Kat? Very rarely. You don't invite her also, Brendan. No, I just... You've never ate out with this cat? Very rarely. You don't invite her also, Brendan.

No, we definitely do every time. Cat, do you feel invited or not? I feel invited. Okay. Fine, Brendan. Oh, I'd let Brendan know

if I didn't feel invited. True. Good. I hope you file charges against Brendan. What were you going to say, Cat? I hope Derek puts on a wig

and both of y'all file a class action against Brendan. Okay? And I'll get a sex change. I'll get a a wig and both of y'all fall into class action against Brendan. Okay? And I'll get a sex change. I'll get a nose job and turn it into a set of tits on my face, and I'll join the class action. You'll worry about the class action of the twink who sells your merch all the time. Man, we're going to get this pig's money.

That's what I'm saying. You're paying a dollar a day to fucking twerk to sell your shirts. That kid does twink. Be a good person. Oh, yeah. Who else went to therapy? $7.99. $7.99.

He has his cheeks out. You won't get yours out, dude. You want to sell more shirts or not? I'm not getting my butt out, Brendan. Dude, I want to see it. I don't use my body to sell stuff like you do. I don't wrap myself in cheap gold and children's trinkets to sell bullshit to other people. Yeah.

Okay, I'll sell real shit. Sweet other man's grown jersey. What were you saying though, Kat? Yeah, sorry Kat, before this guy interrupted you. No problem. First dates, depending on who asks you out to go eat. I think it is cool when the guy pays for the first date and then girl picks up the second one. I think it is cool when the guy pays for the first date and then girl picks up the second one.

But if I asked a guy to go out to eat, I don't automatically think that he's going to pay because I invited him out. Interesting. Whereas I think girls are more likely to pay for meals after the first date if they don't want to see you again. Because they don't want to feel like they owe you anything. Oh, there's a lot of twisting. Yeah, a lot of guys are like, well, I paid for her dinner and drinks, and now he feels like I owe him something. Like, he deserves to get laid after this. So we'll just pay for the bill and not have anything to do. That's what she did to you.

She was sick of your shit already. I was like, I'll pay. I don't remember. I'll text her maybe and see if I can get in touch with her and ask her. That could have been it. She's just like, I don't want to deal with this. It's a long time ago. I don't mind if I take you out, and then you for ice cream at the end of the night or maybe a round of drinks just to show I'm just here for the food and drinks.

Yeah, I think if a girl pays for the first date, it's a little emasculating to the guys, especially if he's offering. It's kind of a ho move. Well, I think, but though a lot of these ladies, the feminists, they say they want to pay for it all, and they want to pay for everything. You ain't getting a man like me. Yeah. That's why they're all single.

Quit being a dude. That's true. Get a dude. Stop being a guy. You'll probably find one. Yeah. That's what I say, too. Good luck, girl.

You got to be team effort. I don't think it's a personality, but quit fucking alphing these dudes. Yeah, quit A-ing these Ds. Up next, we got Brock. This is our boy. Gang, gang, boy. What's up, Brio?

What's up, Thendon? My name is Brock. I'm here in Sacramento, California. Huge fan of you guys. Thank you so much for the podcast. It is absolutely fucking awesome. I had a little king it or sting it for you guys today. My question is

What are your thoughts on webbed toes? Oh hell yeah Where's the web at? In the middle, you can see it Bang bang, guz guz Right here, see right there Oh they're just stuck together Oh and he drew a little dotted line

Dude I'm a fan of webbed toes I wish I had some. I'd swim better. It makes you unique. Kick a ball harder, fat farther. Doesn't Michael Phelps have webbed toes? I don't know. Probably. Probably.

I think he only has one big leg. He has webbed legs. He's a merman. Does he have webbed toes? He's double jointed. Size 14. He's double jointed? Mm-hmm. He's a merman. Does he have webbed toes? He's double jointed. He's double jointed? Mm-hmm. Get out of the water.

Cheating, dude. Six insane facts about Michael Phelps. That makes his feet flippers because he can disjoint it. Oh, look. Images of Michael Phelps' webbed toes. Yeah, I knew he had webbed toes. No way. Yeah, cheater.

Get the images out, Derek. That can't be real. That's not real. I'm pretty sure he has like one or two webbed toes, but that motherfucker's a freak. There they are. That's a corn.

That'd be a corn. You ever had a corn or bunion? No, I've worked on a farm, though. We had corn, Milo, Otis, and cotton. Wow, look at that. Yeah, easy to swim when you fucking aren't even supposed to be on the land. He. Look at that. Easy to swim when you aren't even supposed to be on the land.

He was born like that, dude. When your cousin's a salamander. This shit is bullshit, dude. Look at him. What is that? Is that an adult male? That is a water... That's a dolphin. Human. It's a water male. Look at that!

Wow. Super flexible. Look how big his handsman. Look at that. Wow. What? Super flexible. Look how big his hands are. God, look at the quads on that fish. Dude, you could easily make a nice fillet out of that man's leg. If I'm in a plane crash and that dude's in there, bro. Dude, I'm eating him like a swordfish. Fuck, yeah. First, dude, before the gun even sounds, I'm fucking jumping into those thighs, boy.

I'm just biting his thighs. Saying, chill, flounder. Yeah. Chill, dude, before the gun even sounds, I'm fucking jumping into those thighs, boy. I'm just biting his thighs. Saying, chill, flounder. Yeah. Chill, flounder. I'll just, Jesus Christ, I'll eat that man's legs. I'm all about webbed feet. Make sure you're unique and swim like a motherfucker. It's a conversation starter.

I think this, man. Conversation starter. I think this. I think you just have to be careful because you could almost be giving Satan a head start, brother. What do you mean? Dark arts on the feet? You're percent in a witchcraft brother people see that at the beach or they see that at the pool basically the witch of 2019 yeah you can't be tying a dream catcher to the back of a truck and just cruising around town you know what i'm saying feet yeah yeah you should get a stable job and then uh

just to balance it out that's all i'm saying is balance it out. There's nothing wrong with you, but the way people perceive you is going to be really could be a bit hectic. Can you wear sandals? Huh? Probably not. Yeah, you can. I have sandals on right now, you goon. No, not if it's... And look.

Oh, God. Your feet. What's wrong with your nails, dude? I have my father's feet, you freak. You're the one who had feet up in Denver, dude, at 400, your feet. What's wrong with your nails, dude? I have my father's feet, you freak. You're the one who had feet up in Denver, dude, at 400,000 feet. Good luck with your feet, man. King it. A couple pieces of beef jerky at the end of your legs, boy. All right, boys, let's play.

You ain't got nothing on these sirloin hitters, daddy. Look at that. What is that? Nothing. Ooh, ooh. Dude, they look like you've just been in swamp water. Just look, you've been underwater forever. Bro, these are 40% Spanish moss, son.

Oh, what's up, dog? Don't hit all the buttons! The last one. This is Ethan and Andrew Clark. This is Ethan and Andrew. Coming at you, boys. Oh, they're over there in Missouri. Yo. Table rock?

Brandon. Theo. Gangable rock. Brendan. Theo. Gang gang. Buzz buzz. It's me and Ethan here in the middle of Sounds like someone sucking a dick in there. Algonquin Park.

PA. In central Ontario, north of Toronto. Oh, close though. That's Canada. So, can you understand. That's Canada. So, Kanger Stingit, camping. We saw a bear today, didn't we? Yeah, a little fucking trot in black dark arts, little head.

Yeah. In this fucking place. Anyway, hardcore camping. Kanger Stingit. Hardcore camping. Hey, I was in and he said said hardcore what's hardcore mean bro shout out to the algonquin nation dude first of all those are our native forefathers dude talking about native uh north americans native canadians yeah we stole their land well we didn't steal it they

lost some of it dude and they also gave a lot of it up for sugar and liquor yeah that's what i put up very good fight. Again, I need the terms here, dude. What's hardcore? No blankets? Kill what you eat? You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

That ain't for me. I ain't that dude. Really? Nah, I'll be a little Rogan side piece if he wants to kill shit and then make fires. I'll just fucking hang on his back. You'll be a little wood thot? Yeah. I'll be that little outdoor thot while he's fucking killing the deer a little wood thought. Yeah. I'll be that little outdoor thought while he's fucking killing the deer.

I'm just twerking in the background while that thing's dying. Just trying wood around? Yeah, Doug. I love that. Getting barked together for no reason at all. Dude, we don't even need that. Whatever. Brennan's over there making wine out of berries and stuff in a barrel off the edge of the fire.

Dude, I think this, man. Canada, beautiful. Okay? It's going to be the next America. A lot of people are already heading there. I read an article the other day about a lot of people moving to Canada. And I think, obviously, the woods. Get them while they last, brother.

And if you want to do some hardcore camping, you and your buddy get out there with a couple of knives and see who falls asleep first, you know? That's an old school deal, man. I like it. Two men and see who falls asleep first you know that's an old school deal man i like it hey two men enter one man leaves you know oh like battle of the death of nature yeah and also it's brave to be out there in jason warhe's hunting ground bro that is his ground dude yeah have you been camping though like straight up camping yeah yeah i've been camping we used to camp outside of the post office. We used to camp outside of the post office. Dude, we used to camp outside of the mall

in our town. We would go there on Saturday, then camp out overnight in a tent, and then go Sunday. Oh, you'd go to the second mall. You'd stay and sleep in Dick's Sporting Goods? That's not camping, bro. We'd sleep in a tent outside, and then go back to the mall

the second day, because the mall was about 20 miles away from us. Anyone big campers in here? I grew up in Denver, so we used to camp all the time and I hated it. Cat, I'm sure. No. My parents left Vietnam, so we'll never have to camp again. There you go. That's not camping. That's living.

We were living, yeah. But living in Vietnam is almost like camping in some areas. It's certainly more of a survival element. Bamboo. D, you don't look like a camper. Black people don't camp, bro. Have you ever camped? You never camped before?

Black people don't camp, dude. They don't camp, bro. I mean, they look for the Underground Railroad. That's not camping. Yeah, like I said, a little more survival. They camp outside for the new Jordans. They'll do that. That's a real point. They camp outside for the new Jordans. Suddenly a lot of black people camping outside a footlocker. Yeah, they don't have a lot of black outdoorsmen, huh?

No, that's not our thing, man. We like it in the gym. We keep it right in the gym. The gym? Fuck. But here's the thing. The gym ain't the opposite of camping. You mean you keep it in the house? Yeah, you mean indoors. Derek's in there just sleeping on

a treadmill. Sleeping on the basketball court. Camping, dog. That's it, boys. That's it, boys. That's it for today. Well, dude, we did it, man. Billy, I haven't seen you in a while, dude. You say that every week, Brendan.

Dude, I miss you, man. Well, say something else that sounds real. I didn't see you last week, and then we was talking about your ass cheeks, and I'm like, it'd be good to see Theo, man. I did see you last week. Oh, we did? Oh, that's right. You thought you were going on a hiatus.

We did two episodes. That's right, dude. Now look at us. Now we're still here. We're still here. I hope there was like 70 ads in this. Yeah, right? Saints going to the Super Bowl? You know what's funny is

four teams that really showed out. Patriots, Chiefs, Saints, Rams. Did pretty well. Titans did well too. Cleveland looks struggle city. Yeah, where's your team, huh? They'll get better. They always start off slow. I love

saying that. They always start off slow. Yeah, because they never win, dude. They always end pretty slow. I love saying that. They always start off slow. Yeah, because they never win, dude. They always end pretty slow. The middle's pretty slow, too. They always start off slow. The middle's typically slow as well, and then the end, they just don't pick up. The end is different, yeah.

The end is near. That's what I think. That's what I think, D. There's a lot of good teams, though, brother. There are a lot of good teams, man. What you got? Dates coming up? I got some.

Let's see. This comes up. Boom. Boom. I'm in Denver this week. I'm in Denver. You say that every week. Hometown.

I wish I was there every week. You say that every week. I could camp. Hometown, Denver, Comedy Works, Denver. All five shows are most sold out. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Comedy Works Denver all five shows are most sold out Thursday, Friday, Saturday Comedy Works Denver

and after that first week of October I'm in Pittsburgh and second week I'm in Philly get your tickets tfatk.com First week of October

you're in Pittsburgh? Yeah What date? The first through the third Are you there too? First through the third I think or third through the fifth.

Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Why, what's up? You there too? You trying to get some terrible towels? Black and yellow, black and yellow. Black and yellow. I might be in Pittsburgh. For what?

On the fifth. Are you doing a show out there? Maybe. I don't know. Third through the fifth. Dude, you should wear that jersey to the Pittsburgh Steelers game so I can watch you get a show out there? Maybe. Oh. I don't know. Yeah, third through the fifth. Dude, you should wear that jersey to the Pittsburgh Steelers game so I can watch you get stomped out. Dude, I went to a game at Heinz Field Saints for Steelers,

and it was awesome, and it was where they used to have this running back. He set their all-time rushing for Steelers. He set their all-time. No, it was before that. Earl Bennett? No, it was before him. Or it might have been after the bus. It was like Willie, some

little guy. I think they called him Wheels or something. This dude was some little darker guy. But he was Cleveland. I'll be in 10-8 to 10-13. I believe that I'll be in Cleveland, Indianapolis, Grand Rapids, Detroit, Madison, and Milwaukee. So just rescheduling shows.

Rescheduling some shows. And that's it. That's it. Buzz buzz. Gang gang. Gang gang. Gang gang. Gang gang.

Gang gang.