The Golden Hour - Episode 38: Power Bottom Ranger

Episode Date: September 26, 2019

The guys are back with all new Roast My Hosts and talk Beef Titty Taste, Uber Pool Lifeguards, Boss Babies, Tim McGraw, Bruce Buffer vs Michael Buffer, Soft Crabs, Relationship Advice for dating a Porn Star, Vacuum Stealing Strippers, Misbehaving Pigs, our favorite video submitter J-Rod is back and much more!Stance - https://stance.com/katsHelloFresh - https://stance.com/https://hellofresh.com/kats80 promo code: KATS80MyBookie - bit.ly/KingStingKAST promo code: KATSButcherBox - https://butcherbox.com/kats promo code: KATSSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I sucked at hide and go seek. You did? Dude, you look like the kind of dude that gets on PEDs for hide and go seek, man. You definitely look like that. Like, dude, why are you hiding over there where the horses get their medicine? Are you hiding by the syringes? Yeah. Why are you hiding by mom's B12 kit?

You look like the type of dude that watches film before he plays dodgeball. I can see myself doing a little bit of that. Breaking down the film before you play freeze tag. Yeah. Jeff is pretty good. He's not still. Look at him. Keep an eye on Jeff, man.

Yeah. Jeff's a dirty player. He's good at the tag. Freeze, he's got nothing on me. God, bro. Yeah, and his follow was a mime. It's just not genetic, you know? Dude, you look like you cheat at Red Rover, Red Rover.

Really? Do you remember that game? Yeah. God. Kids can't play it no more. Why not? Oh, it's illegal in schools now. Yeah.

Because kids are getting fucked up. They were? Because you got like fucking Antonio Brown's son running a 4-4 at age 7 into these little white kids, and kids are just getting fucked up, dude. Well, a lot of it, too, was a lot of, like I read somewhere, like a lot of lesbian children were being like Red Rover, and they would send over like a straight girl and then try to like holler at her. Oh, see, that's not cool.

The honey dick. Like, come over here, yeah. Red Rover, Red Rover, send Diane right over. Yeah. Then Diane comes over, but it's really a pickup game, isn't it? Yeah, Diane comes over, and they're just trying to get her to work at Home Depot. They're trying to shave the side of her head and get her to work at fucking Radio Shack. Yeah, man, they got some...

Some of those beings are real angry out there. You ever notice that? Yeah, it's mainly the butch ones, man. They're trying to go toe-to-toe with the dudes. That's the thing. They're trying to body up against the fellas for women. Get bodied up, bitch. And they suppress those tits.

They wear the wife beaters, but the extra tight so the titties are just non-existent. Or they'll put semen on their tits to kind of weigh them down, to weigh them closer to their... To give off that vibe so they smell like testosterone a little bit. And they always got beef jerky on them, if you notice. I don't notice that. Dude, that seems racist, bro. Why? Huh?

Why, dude? Beef jerky on a lesbian? They always got Slim Jims on them? Yes. Lesbos and Slim Jims go hand in hand, bro. Why don't they make something called Slim Gin, and it's just beef jerky specifically for homoerotic women? That's not a bad idea, dude. Snap into a Slim Gin, and it's like just a beef jerky specifically for, you know, homoerotic women. That's not a bad idea, dude.

Snap into a Slim Gin. That might be your best idea since the bus lamp. That beefy, titty taste, boy. It's just a Slim Gin of a tit. It's the big shape of a tit made out of meat, dude. Those Slim Gins are juicy, too. I used to take them and squeeze the grease out. I didn't eat it.

I just squeezed the juice out. Oh, dude. Yeah. You want to put it in your beard? I put it in my hair, bro. For gel. You look like the kind of guy that fucking

puts Slim Jim juice in his hair. Wow, bro. I put Slim Jim juice and you put fucking Cinnabon icing in your hair, dude. Dude, one time I saw Evander Holyfield at a Cinnabon, bro. He didn't see you, did he? Huh?

He probably didn't see you. Why? He just doesn't know where he's at at all times. Dude, it was true. He ordered fries at it. You ordered onion rings at Cinnabon? And they complained that they came back too cold Well I shouldn't have laughed at that

Well let's get into some roast mozans We're already fucking ripping Brendan's chubby ass over here My chubby ass Sorry dude I thought we were clowning your mom about the Slim Jims and shit Slim Jen Slim Jenny Here's one

Brendan looks like a guy who wears flip-flops all the time because he likes the way they spank his feet. Damn. Little fact about your boy, though. I hate sandals. Really?

I hate it. Triggering for me. Really? What is it, bro? If I'm going to... They like the way they spank his feet. Dude, if I go to a water park... You've been way they spank. Dude, if I go to water park. You've been bad, and you've been bad, and you've been bad.

Bad boy, bad boy, bad boy, bad boy, bad boy, bad boy. So true, bro. Who wrote that in? Do we know? Oh, God. His name was Chris. I think it was Chris. But God, it was funny.

I like this one. Theo looks like a counselor at a battered man's shelter. Oh, yeah. Man, you just. And look, it happens to everybody, brother. You get through this, brother. You get through this, man. You're going to get through it, man. I did it.

You look like a counselor in an Uber vehicle. You look like the guy who always talks everybody's hair off. Uh-uh. Always giving me life advice. I'm like, but you're giving me the right to fucking. Bro, you look like a lifeguard in an Uber pool, dude. That's what you look like, bro. Hey, hands off the railing.

No running. Why are there always haters on running? Why the fuck I hate on running? Dude, I'm trying to get from there to there. Chill the fuck out. It's a pool, man. It's the middle of the summer. We went to walk like an asshole.

I know. It's so true. God. And then a lot of those kids, when they start walking, that's when the gay men start looking at the children. That's when they get them, dude. They're trying to walk real fast. Yeah, they're like gazelles in the wild.

Those gay lions pounce on them. Dude, if you ever seen a young man walk fast, bro, God. Wait, what? Like, you ever see like a kid like walk real fast? Yeah, what about it, bro?

Your butt is like moving around so much. It's too much. If you're a child predator, and I'm not, dude. I do have a Nashville Predators jersey, but that's

a totally different thing. Yeah, no, that's like an organized, affiliated team. It's not like, it has nothing to do with the same group. You look like the guy that's going to sit there. That's a totally different thing. Yeah, no, that's like an organized, affiliated team. It has nothing to do with the same group. You look like the guy that's going to submit. Because a lot of pedophiles will be like, hey, man, where'd you get the jersey, bro?

Sweet jersey, bro. Like, bro, this is hockey. I'm just a fan of the team. Yeah, bro, this is hockey, dude. Yeah. You look like you're going to submit to be on the Catch a Predator season seven. Yeah, they just won't take my application, man. You keep sending your resume, Theo.

We're not doing the show. Also, it's not good. It's not good, man. What do you got, dude? What else? Brendan looks like a PE teacher at an adult high school. Yeah, where's your fucking whistle? Hey, and they're always in sweats.

Pico's just always in sweats. Tucked in. Dude, tucked in. And so serious about everything. All right, today we're going to play flag. Who knows how to play flag? What? Talking about capture the flag, dude.

Some lady's crying. Yeah, it's just some lady fighting on the phone with her husband. That's your only student. Oh, God. Oh, my fighting on the phone with her husband. That's your only student. Oh, God. Oh, my God. Some dad brings his kids. It's daddy time. You had your fun.

It's my time. Hilarious. Dude, my gym teacher growing up, I'm trying to make a joke here, his name was Mr. Bubbles. Really? Real name, Mr. Bubbles, gym coach, and he used to wear a San Jose Sharks hat before they even were a team. Really? Oh, wow. And was he just a fan of what, the animal in the area? I don't know. He just

used the hotness on the streets, and I remember seeing that hat, and I wanted it so bad because it had a shark on it. Yeah, Mr. Bubbles. Oh, what a fucking neat kid you were. Yeah, dude. You just wanted that hat, right? Yeah, I wanted the hat because I had a shark on it. From Mr. Bubbles, dude?

Mr. Bubbles, dude. Oh, my God. The difference between you and me, I didn't jack him off for it. Yeah, right. That's why I'm on therapy now. What else you got? You look like a place where a pedophile goes to do practice laps. For sure, bro.

You look like Ben Dianapolis 500, bro. You definitely look like a fucking dude that's been bent over by some straight fucking perverts. You look like you're going to go to rehab because a girl whistled

at you across the street. Oh, man. Yes. Enough of that. That's enough of that. Yeah, whatever, Brendan. What else you got, dude? Theo looks like if

Kurt Russell never got out of Trouble in Little China. That's hilarious. That's also one of my top five favorite movies. I know. I read it and I was like, oh, that's a good one. That's my top five. Never got out of it. Look, guys.

Look, man. I didn't mean it. God, that's a great movie. Oh, you're busted, boy. You're busted, my son. They're doing all these recreations, all these classics. Why not Big Trouble in Little China, bro? With Ryan Reynolds.

That probably came out and nobody gave a shit. Oh, that movie's a cult classic, dude. They're trying to make, I want to see some of these groups fight each other, you know? What do you mean? Like Power Rangers and? Like Crouching Tiger versus Big Trouble, you know? That's fair. Like, I'd like to see some of the, yeah, Power Rangers versus...

You look like the worst Power Ranger. Really? Yeah, you look like the non-athletic Power Ranger. You look like the only Power Ranger that can't fight. But still shows up in costume. I look like the Power Ranger that has a book bag on. You look like the Power Ranger that wants to talk about it. Yeah, dude.

You look like the Power Bottom Ranger wants to talk about it. Yeah, dude. You look like the Power Bottom Ranger. Don't touch me, dude. You definitely do, dude. You look like the one while everybody is fucking fighting, has headphones on, and is fucking just dancing over the side. You know that? Just jump rope it? Yeah, yeah. I'm the only brown Power Ranger?

Is there a brown one? I don't know. Good question. You look like... You know what I'm saying. Hashtag no races. You look like you've got a guy who fucking jump ropes backwards only, dude. That's actually

backwards. You definitely look like that, dude. Oh, there's no brown. No brown. Bro, you look like a fucking, I look like a shower ranger.

I look like the only one that really needs a shower. Did you watch that as a kid? Power Rangers? Yeah.

I don't know, dude. Loved it. I was also a fan at some point. They've redone it though. Have you seen it?

Not the new one. I didn't watch the new one. There's some new series that's dropping. Why I know that? They redone it, though. Have you seen it? Not the new one. I didn't watch the new one. There's some new series that's dropping. Why I know that. They redone it. Power Rangers?

Yeah. But it's on some bullshit. But they're not fighting. They're just meeting up to talk with other groups. Yeah, no, they talk about their differences now. And how to make the world better. Entry women right. It's awful.

It is awful. It's horrible, dude. It's not even. Yeah. And then they take off their helmets, and it's five lesbians, dude. It's not even... Yeah. And then they take off their helmets and it's five lesbians, dude. Yeah, with butch haircuts. Yeah. Dude, I'd be a lesbian, bro.

Here's why I'd be a lesbian. One, you can still wear the same shit. You wear this exact outfit. You look definitely like a lesbian. Are you shitting me? You're their mascot. No, I'm not, Brendan. You're crazy, brother.

Where'd you read that? Where'd you read that? Okay. Here's what I'm saying, bro, is this, dude. You definitely look like a fucking... You look like... Bro, you look like a fucking... You look like the worst lesbian.

Bro, you... Bro, you look like a fucking... Bro, you look like a fucking... Bro, you look like a fucking... You look like Rosie O'Donnell's side piece. You look like a fucking lunch lady at a Dick's Sporting Goods, dude. You look like shit. Dude. You have on fucking...

I look like shit. You have on fucking skill... Are you shitting me? Everything you wear came out of a skill crane, bro. You look like somebody who showed up in a hard hat to work at a skill crane. You fuck up. Fuck you, man. Sorry. I'm just joking, bro. Hey, why don't you get your apron on and go fucking make me a six inch sub, you little hoe. Dude, I worked at somebody for two days. I bet you were the worst.

Because I bet you couldn't figure out when they said six-inch or 12. Oh, no doubt. No doubt. No doubt. Dude, I gave them that four-inch round every time, bro. That's back when they had that four-inch round. They had those rounds. Bro, that thing went out of business, dude.

All you did was give everybody six-inch of meatballs. Bro, it was always gay young men ordering that four out of business, dude. All you did is give everybody six inch of meatballs. Bro, it was always gay young men ordering that four inch round, bro. Do you have anything different? Do you have anything... Do you have anything that is small? Anything different? Six or 12, bitch. Move on.

I was like, I don't know. Do you have anything that would go with like a 28 inch waist? No? It's lunch, and I'm like, God damn it. I'm not walking a red carpet. With a six-inch Italian or not. Yeah, dude. How has he been in town long?

That's what he asks. Every time. Yeah. Does he pay on the first date? Oh, man. You're out of your mind. Does it come from a good family? Listen, man.

I'm just trying to give you a fucking sandwich here. All right. What do you got? Let's start with a little debate club. It's a call to 20 and 20. Fucking stupid, man. You are stupid, dude. Bro, if you could read, you'd know so much.

I bet. Dude, if you were straight, you'd take over the world, dude. That's probably true, dude. Bro, if you could read, you'd know so much. I bet. Dude, if you were straight, you'd take over the world, dude. Yeah, that's probably true, dude. But I'm not gay, bro. You know what I'm saying, dude? You feel me? Look out, ladies. Did that sound believable?

Nope. Okay, damn, bro. I got to practice that. If you went like this. Hey, look out, ladies. Look out, ladies. Look out, ladies. I'm on my way. Vroom.

I make sounds like that to sound tough, even though I don't even have a motorbike. Vroom. He's like, what is going on here? What is happening, ladies? Whatever, dude. All right, boys. I've definitely banged more busted-looking chicks than you have, Brendan. No, I bet that. Yeah, no doubt. No doubt, dude. Told you, boys. I've definitely banged more busted-looking chicks than you have, Brendan. No, I bet that.

Yeah, yeah. No doubt. No doubt, dude. Told you, dude. First boy, he's back. We know him. It's J-Ron. J-Ron.

Oh, yeah. What a special episode. King of the steam. Which superpower do y'all think will get more chicks? Throwing fireballs? Wow. Unbelievable. Or having fucking laser eyes?

Suck my dick, Eagle Hitler. Eagle Hitler? Eagle Hitler? Catch. Fireballs or laser eyes? Let the fight begin. Gang shit. I love this dude.

He's the best. My favorite person in the world. He's the best. What's his name? BJ? J-Rod. J-Rod, boy. What's he want?

Relationship advice? Yeah. Street fighter? So what is it? What's the problem? He doesn't know if these women like him? He doesn't know if he's ready to commit. What's the problem there?

Laser eyes or fireballs? Which power would get more girls? Dude, we've seen this. Does anybody... Cyclops. He has to wear glasses all the goddamn time. Indoor, outdoor. Looks like an asshole.

You talking Brian Callen? Cyclops. Oh, I didn't hear the Cyclops. I just probably had to wear glasses. Indoors and outdoors. You gotta be an asshole to wear glasses indoors, as Larry David said. Unless you're blind. You gotta be throwing fireballs, man. You know how dope that would be? You can't wear glasses indoors, as Larry David said, unless you're blind. You got to be throwing fireballs, man.

You know how dope that would be? You can't wear sunglasses indoors. You ever seen the guy in the club? But if you're throwing... Hey, hold up. You ever seen the guy in the club? Usually black guy in the club. Someone walks by and it's so dark, he lifts the shades to look.

Bro, say the CK. Don't say black guy. Okay? Say black guy. That's what I'm saying, dude. Okay. I'm just saying. Just say it. But they rock him in the club. Black guy. Dude, don't be like, black guy in the club. Black guy. Okay? Say black guy. That's what I'm saying, dude. Okay, I'm just saying. But they rock him in the club. Black guy. Dude, don't be like,

black guy in the club. Black guy. Just making sure D's cool. Bro, he knows black guys are in the club. I know there's a CK in the word. I know that. Yeah, bro. Dude. Jesus. Bro, go hard CK. Don't be such a pussy. Go hard CK, dude. The next thing you know, you're dropping

the ER. Bro, it's black. It's a dangerous road, man. No, it isn't. I don't know how you guys do it in New Orleans, but it's a dangerous road, dude. So what are you saying, though? I'm saying if you have fucking laser eyes, you're going to be a dumbass like Cycle. I can't hear you with your skill crane.

You left your skill crane running, bro. Why don't you cut that thing down, dude, so I can hear you a little bit. Dude, go make me a six-inch sub. Brennan pops out of the skill crane. He comes down the stairs. Oh, it's hot. Yeah, we're just doing some work out here. There's like 40 big pink stuffed animals in the distance.

Yeah, we got some zoning issues with the city, so. All right, man. Fireballs or laser eyes? I think fireballs, I think, are sexy. You could light a couple candles in the room. You know? Be the life of the party while you're camping. Think about it.

And laser eyes, what if those bitches go off on accident somewhere? You're driving, you get pissed, and next thing you know, you burned down a fucking orphanage or something. Dude, also... Dude, you always hear fucking orphanage or something. Dude, also, dude, you always hear about orphanages? Where are they, bro? I've never seen

one orphanage. Have you ever seen one? Have you ever seen one and go, oh yeah, just make a right after the orphanage and then it's gonna be a cold, you know, like.

Y'all are so stupid. Ever. Oh, the orphanage just off 14th in Santa Monica. Yeah. No, it's not. Never seen, dude.

Yeah, no wonder these kids aren't getting help, dude, because there's nowhere for them to get help at. Dude, conspiracy. You ain't lying, dude. There should No, it's not. Never seen him, dude. Yeah, no wonder these kids aren't getting help, dude, because there's nowhere for them to get help at. Dude, conspiracy. You ain't lying, dude. Way more orphanages, dude.

Way more, all over. Ever seen, ever heard of one anywhere? My aunt ran one. Really? Yeah. Whereabouts? Whereabouts?

At her house. Well, Jesus. That's what they send them. That's what they do. They send them to a, and they just write, and just kids will come through. Well, no, she's a foster parent then.

No, but like, no, like, so a kid will come in for a day, sometimes a week, and then they, like, they don't have an actual orphanage. Bro, you need to watch parent then. No, but like, no, like, so a kid would come in for a day sometimes, and then they, like, they don't have an actual orphanage. Bro, you need to watch Problem Child. Wow, did she really? Yeah, that's how she makes a living.

You need to watch Problem Child. That's a movie. You go and select, and they live in a big building. That's a ginger, dude. Maybe that's just for ginger kids. Well, it's that one. That kid was bad. It was so bad they made a movie about it.

There's a whole. Yeah, you're right. A couple of them. It was supposed to be a documentary. Yeah, there were three of them. I think it was a documentary, three-part series. Yeah. That's so wild, dude.

And so it was just her and her husband, or what was it? Yeah, her and her husband. And then she ended up actually adopting four or five of them. Wow. But I'm talking about, while I was sleeping on her couch, I met a million kids. Damn. Were they good kids? Some?

Or all? They're cool. Yeah, and then some were like. Baby kids. They saw hell, so they kids. Damn. Were they good kids? They were all, they're cool. Yeah. And then some were like. Baby kids. They saw hell, so they just. Wow. Just sat there like that. Yeah.

What were the ages? Oh, like from like a baby, an infant, all the way up to like probably like 16. Ooh, the infant, I bet cool. Yeah, the infant's raw. Yeah, the infant was probably. Some of them were fucking wild. If you're an orphaned infant, bro, you're just sitting around, dude. You have little cigarettes in your diaper.

Boss baby. Just chilling. The boss baby. Yeah, wearing a panty on your head like your boy J-Dub right there. A little briefcase. Dude, first of all, shout out to this guy who made this thing. Ah, dude, this guy is. And he's been gone for a couple months.

First team of cats. I wonder what's going on. I think he went to prison for a little bit and came back. Yeah, I think he escaped just to make the video. That's how big of a fan he is. I'd love to see a 30-second video just about things that are going on in your life currently. So if you could just drop us that in. Like a real submission.

No joke. What do you do? What would you say you do? You know what I'm saying? He's a graphic designer. Maybe. Oh, yeah, that's true. He could be a burglar. He might be doing this on the run. He's just graphic designer. Maybe. Oh, yeah, that's true. That's true. He could be a burglar.

He might be doing this on the run. He's just the biggest fan. I love this dude. Lamb jam. That's what it's going to be called. If you're on the lamb, send in a video, man, and we'll put it in. Yeah. There's got to be people out there that are ducking charges right now, huh?

It's tough, man. Look at AB. Look at AB. Dude, how about your fucking saints? I know. Drew Breezy. Young Breezy. Young Breezy, baby. Look at AB. Look at AB. Dude, how about your fucking Saints? I know. Drew Breezy. Young Breezy. Young Breezy, baby.

He's out. He's out for a while. Dude, I was up at 3 a.m. looking at what his injury could be and trying to self-diagnose it that night. Oh, that's the best. Just like on the internet. Looking at charts, looking at like things where you could like, you know, click on it and move it and scroll and see all the ligaments in the bone and stuff.

What did you come up with? Exactly what they had, man. Torn ligament. Because he just on it and move it and scroll and see all the ligaments in the bone and stuff. And what did you come up with? Exactly what they had, man, torn ligament. Because he just couldn't even move it. It was like he wanted to move it with his brain and it wouldn't even close. Not happening. That's going to be out for a hot second. Even when he comes back, it could be a little dicey. It's going to be eight weeks if they can get there.

Yeah, you guys aren't going to do shit this year. It's all right, though. Not a big deal. You never know. Or it could be getting set up for greatness, dude. No, he'll bounce back for sure. But he ain't winning it this year with that thumb. Dude, first of all.

And the refs hate you guys. What do you know, brother, about football, man? Okay? You played in, first of all, Denver, dude. Hey, while you were smoking crack with your boys and doing steroids at the back of vans on the highway, your boys played football. Since I was four. Okay, dude. Until I was 21. It was a GMC

Jimmy, you delinquent. It wasn't a van. First of all, I didn't drive a fucking huge van when I was a child, dude. It was a GMC Jimmy, dude, with homemade paint on the side. While you were trying to figure out how to get your next fix, I was catching footballs. Yeah, dude. Okay. The only thing we needed to fix was the catalytic converter, dude.

Whenever you shut it off, when you shut the car off, it was like about four seconds later, a big gunshot would come out of the back. Yeah. So we'd all get out, bro. And then we'd start walking, and right when it went, we'd all hit the ground like it was a Civil War reenactment. And sometimes we'd go park my car by the Civil War reenactor's house and you'd see them all

get up and think somebody's trying to start shit. People thought you're shooting the Patriot. Okay, motherfucker. And then a fucking flaming arrow would come over at us. You'd be like, damn. Flaming arrow? Damn, bro. Natives in the front. Natives in

the back. This place is bonkers. What do you think on the flame? What do you think? What would chicks like, Kat? I think it's going to have to be the fireballs. Can't do the Cyclops thing. It'll just make you look like you're dating a douchebag at all times.

Yeah, you're right. You're right. When Kat's right, she's right, dog. Oh, I know what I'm going to tell you. That made me think of when we were dancing. I got a buddy who's close with Juvenile. Really? Yeah.

He's going to come on the show? Well, they saw the podcast. And I go, oh, he's not dead? And they started laughing because that's what we said. I didn't say that. I did. I thought he was dead. Okay, good.

Yeah. Just keep it over there by you. He's killing it. Yeah. He's killing it. He's obsessed with water parks. Juvenile is? Yeah. Loves water parks. Oh, wow. I'll probably see him at Blue Bayou. Yeah, just keep it over there by you. He's killing it. He's killing it. He's obsessed with water parks. Juvenile is? Yeah, loves water parks.

Oh, wow. I'll probably see him at Blue Bayou. I bet he used to be over at Blue Bayou. And I guess he's just a beast, like a beast as far as in the studio, like writes his own shit still. Really? Just killing it. So this is where you're making up to Juvenile right now? No, I'm just saying.

It's just a reminder when we were dancing. I'm like, oh, we were clowning Juvenile. Were we? Yeah. No, no, we were celebrating him. Yeah. I remember I asked, what's he do these days? And they were like, huh?

I guess he's crushing it. Which was also a name of a song, one of his songs, too. What's he doing these days? With Tim McGraw. Tim McGraw was on there. Him and Tim McGraw? Yeah. Did a song together?

No, Tim and, oh, that's Natalie. Natalie. Oh, yeah. Over and over again. Hit that force one time. Let's get the mood going, dude. You remember that song with Tim McGraw? Dude, I'm trying to look at some tits, bro, on my phone right now.

Dude, Tim McGraw. Well, Tim McGraw kind of has tits. Well. He's 55. Tim McGraw is beautiful, dude. Yeah. So is his wife, dude. More beautiful than him. Faith Hill, yeah? Oh, yeah McGraw is beautiful, dude. Yeah. So is his wife, dude. More beautiful than him.

Faith Hill, yeah? Oh, yeah. Out of Louisiana, bro. Oh, come on, dude. Let's just slow it down for a second. Let's slow it down for a second. Why not slow it down? Wheels go so hard.

Why Tim McGraw had a do-rag on? I have no idea. Whatever. Still a fan. Over and over again. Oh, man. They're so serious. You with him.

It hurts so bad. Look at him go. My head. You forgot about this, didn't you? God, this is the jam, bro. Jim and y'all don't miss, bro. It hurts so bad. I can't take it, no.

Nelly, bro. Oh, man. A St. Louis hitter, bro. He's the Dove chocolate of singers, bro. That thing is fucking silky, brother. God damn, dude. And always there, isn't he? Never goes away.

Doves everywhere, baby. Tim McGraw is the Hershey's of country, though. You know what I'm saying? A little kiss for everybody. Everybody fucks with Hershey's. Why are him and Nelly, why are they showering and touching their pants, though? This shit is home air rodding. I missed it.

They're both in the shower. Not together, but... Well, you gotta remember at the time, this was illegal in the United States. For white man and black man to combine videos. Yeah, you're right. This was the Rosa Parks, the Jackie Robinson of music videos. Yeah, you're right. This was the Rosa Parks, the Jackie Robinson music videos.

Yeah, bro. Jackie Robinson music videos. Yeah, bro. This shit is sick. Over and over again. Now everybody's doing it. Over and over again. Take it low.

I can't take it low. Nelly, bro. Way too serious, Nelly. Man, Nelly, bro. Nothing like Nelly Nelly. Man, Nelly, bro. Nothing like Nelly, man. Ah, man. Remember he used to always wear the Band-Aid under his eye? Mm-hmm.

Somebody hurt him. One of that other guy. The guy with the mask on. Was playing hockey in the house. And he got hurt. But you got to know that if your friend comes over wearing a fucking hockey mask, dude. He's ready to play, bro. And he ain't Jason Voorhees, bro.

If he don't kill you in the first 30 seconds with an ax, you got to know that guy is going to make trouble around the house. What else you got, D? What's the fans say? Oh, 54% went with laser eyes. Oh, wow. Yeah. I feel like, yeah, if you were looking at a guy with laser eyes or a girl with laser

eyes, then they're going to be looking at you and you might be scared all the time. Yeah. At least with fireballs, they got to get the fight. They got to get, you know, some gas in their hand. They got to get a match. It's going to take a second. You're going to be a little bit forewarning or foreboding. It could be like Ryu.

Huh? Didn't you ever play Street Fighter as a kid? What I do, kid? I'd watch other kids play it. What I do, kid? Remember when you said I was the kind of kid that watched people play video games? Yeah. Just shit in the back?

Then I would check the slots for quarters right after they walked away. And just beat on it real quick a couple times. Butt mash? Yeah. Ah, damn. Damn. Oh, God. And then Brendan would pop out of the skill crane right next door like,

what's going on there, little buddy? Hey, kids. Yeah, hey, we need the dollar. Send that lunch pail up, will you? What else you got, D? We got Davey from British Columbia. This is Davey. But I want that 30-second video.

Send it in, J-Dub. Is that his name, D-J? J-Rod. Yeah, let us know what you really look like, what you do. Just send me a 30-second in what you're doing, dude. Yeah, what's up, bro? Make sure you're all right. Yeah, or you're all wrong, brother.

I don't care what you are, brother. I just want to know you. Hey, Theo. Hey, Brennan. This is your boy Davey from Chilliwack, British right. Yeah, or you're all wrong, brother. I don't care what you are, brother. I just want to know you. Hey, Theo. Hey, Brennan. This is your boy Davey from Chilliwack, British Columbia. Gang, brother. I've got a quick debate club question for you.

Theo, considering you're currently getting into the combat sports, and, Brennan, you're a former fighter yourself, I want to know, who do you guys prefer? Bruce Buffer Or Michael Buffer Both phenomenal voices But are you more of a Let's get ready to rumble type of guy Or it's time Guys I love the podcast

Really appreciate what you're doing Love the both of you The Rat King and Big Brown Theo wish I could have seen you in Vancouver But sadly can't make it there but keep killing it boys, I love ya gang gang, buzz buzz cheers man, gang bro, shout out to

Vancouver BC, shout out to Canada the new America with Bruce Buffer Michael Buffer the same guy, did you know that? the exact same guy they didn't know each other they didn't know each other.

Really? They didn't meet until they were like in their mid-20s. And they are brothers? Yes, they're brothers. Here's the thing about Michael Buffer. He went, oh, Bruce, you got to do all this work. Halen from Denver, Colorado, 14 and 4. You know, number two heavyweight in the world. Brendan, he goes on and on and on.

Then the 360 and blows his asshole out. He's sweating. He has a suit on. Your boy Michael just goes, Oh, let's get ready to rumble! Seven million. Thank you. I'm out. So Michael got the better business deal. Michael might be the smarter one.

Gets paid more and works way less. But does Michael still work or Bruce still works? Both of them work. Who did I just see the other day on one of the fights? Probably Bruce, if you watch the UFC field. He's the only guy. That's who I saw Bruce.

He does all of them. Yeah. So he has Bruce or Michael. Michael looks like he maybe had a little bit more clout and he gets a little bit more posse. Yeah. Your boy Michael's been in movies. He does those huge, the big, he only does,

and here's the other thing about Michael. He's a little bougie. He only does the biggest boxing matches. Oh, he does? If you're like, oh, bro, will you do this? What's that, an ESPN? Nah. See, I want somebody, then I'll go with the other one then.

I want that guy who's probably got a black and mild in his pocket. Oh, you're talking about Bruce? Because Bruce, here's the thing about Bruce Buffer that people don't know. That motherfucker can surf his ass off in a lot of street fights. He'll also do the splits on you on a dime. Really? Oh, yeah. Oh, damn.

Yeah, bro. Get down. Yeah. That seemed like the man right there. And he'll also go to Saudi Arabia. He'll go to Taiwan, China. Doesn't care. But doesn't want someone else coming in on his fucking job. Oh, wow.

They have a guy named Joe Martinez, but it's very rare you see him because Bruce is like, nah, hell no. Yeah. But also Joe Martinez, man, he also brings a lot of fucking violencia into it. A little flavor. He's like, let's get ready for the MS-13. And people are like, whoa, whoa. Whoa, what are you doing? Stick to the script.

From the... In Quesadilla. This guy bought a knife from my cousin. From my uncle. This main event is brought to you by Kona Salaka. No, it's not, dude. It's Bud Light. Stick to the script, Joe, please.

He brought a bull into the ring one time and just let it run around for like 15 minutes. I was like, whoa, dude. He always ends everything with Canelo. I'm going to go with the guy that still has blood in his body. If you can see the images on the YouTube. One looks dead. One's thriving. Here's the other thing about Bruce, too man, is he he's just such a

beast, man. He's such a character. I caught him when I first moved out here. I caught him. I walked into Gold's gym and I, in front of, I'm walking in, right? And I'm like, right? And I hear loud as fuck, like it's a real UFC fight. Brendan the Highbreach!

In front, the whole gym, like oh fuck, what's up, man? I keep going. Then I see him. I see him. He's going to kill me for this. He has the two cable, you know, like the cable rows. He has those, and he has a UFC shirt on, UFC shorts.

Damn. And he's doing the 360. He's trying to do the 360. He goes, just got to get that core power, man. So when I explode, I explode. So everyone's like, oh, there's Bruce Buffer doing the 360. Yo. Serious about his gig, dude.

What's the 360? Is it hard? That's the Bruce Buffer. It's the 180. It's the 360. So it's when he goes and jumps, you know? He does that? It's time.

He goes, ha. He blew out his knee doing it. He did? He's doing karaoke and blew out his knee doing the Bruce Barber 360. Already way more interesting than Michael, dude. Michael keeps it. Michael, he's too rich. Michael, are you rich, rich?

Are you rich? Here's the thing. I'm just educating your ass. Here's the other thing. Bruce is Michael's manager. No. Yeah. Bruce is Michael's manager. No. Yeah. Bruce is Michael's manager?

Yeah. Huh. Interesting. Any other brain busters? I'm assuming most fan base. I'll easily do one. Seven times seven. Brendan's shorts out.

You're right. Brendan gets back in his skill crane and fucking cranks it up again. Still on the crane, huh? Hopefully someone found it funny the first time. Bruce, yeah? 77% Bruce. Especially this fan base. People like Bruce.

Michael just, he too. You ripped him up so much there. Bruce? Michael. I didn't rip him up. You know? Michael, another love. But imagine Michael. I'd rip him up. Michael, another level. But imagine Michael at a library or something.

Let's get ready to read! And all the kids are fired up. Yeah! Palabras, palabras! Joe Martinez is the one we should probably be hiring. Hitting that fucking Spanish flavor, that Mexican flavor.

Posible. Bueno, bueno. Posible. All right, let's go on, bro. Little clown, my hound, boys. First, this is Biggie. This is Biggie. And a little bit about Biggie. He's a six-month-old pug, a chihuahua, and he enjoys eating snails and making love to this teddy bear.

Listen to this music. Damn. Oh, I like his technique. He's a chawug, huh? Yeah. Wow, bro. It looks like that teddy bear looks underage that he's making love to. That's right.

Can we watch that one more time? I want to make sure this thing has a... Is this live footage of Antonio Brown? We got to put that on Instagram. That's hilarious, bro. Just got this live footage of Antonio Brown. Antonio Brown and his trainer. I don't know how it's going to go over,

but I think he's going to play this weekend. According to the New York Times, this is live footage of Antonio Brown and his trainer. She's still looking for that three mil. This is insane. I don't want to post that.

That's fucking hilarious. You can have that. You can have that. That dog looks fucking pretty cool, man. Have you ever had a dog hump your leg all the time? He looks like one of those. It's so uncomfortable.

But you don't want to ruin their fun. Well, A, you don't want to ruin their fun. B, they got that dick juice all over your jeans. It's just wet. That Red Rock is so juicy. It's disgusting. The other thing is I remember in high school when you'd go on a date to pick a girl up and she had one of those dogs.

You're just not comfortable with that stuff and you'd be like, hey, how's it going? Talk to her mom. The dog's just like, oh! He's like, oh, wow. No, that is so... It was so embarrassing. I like it like that. The dog has a little fucking tape player

and he hits the button. The mom's like this, hey! Hey! Get it! You're like hits the button. Mom's like this, hey! Hey! Get it! You're like, Jesus Christ. Oh my God, where am I? Somebody start a carbon monoxide leak. This family's gotta tone it down a little. Why'd your daughter start twerking? Wow.

Yeah, shout out to dogs that hump legs. That's crazy. What else you got? Up next we got, this is Brandon Battelle's dog, Winston. This is. Big Winston, huh? Oh, damn.

Oh, damn, boy. Dude, I fucking love hound dogs. They look so smart. Well, that one looks like it should be on intervention right there on that picture. Yeah, he does. That far left one, he looks like he's falling on some tough times. He looks like a drug dog that... That got too into it.

Dived too deep. How is that not a cartoon? A drug dog that went the other way. That's an addict now? Yeah. Just starts sniffing, can't stop. In the middle one, he looks like he's going to Iraq. The middle one looks gangster.

Yeah, he looks like he's going. And then this one, he looks like he's getting back from Iraq. The one on the right, it looks like I'd want to be best friends with him. The one on the right, also, he's been doing yoga. If you could see how he could sit up directly on his hindquarters. God, he looks cool. I love their floppy ears, man. Christ, do they have a fucking...

Is he tied to a fence board? There's no way a dog could sit up directly like that. He's like this. Yeah, dude. He's not doing well in the far right or far left. The middle, he's killing the game. I think in the far right, he's doing great, dude. He's obviously, you know, he's trying to do.

Riding shotgun, so he gets respect from the others. He's trying to get a job with the city. You can tell that, dude, first of all. There's always that guy in the passenger truck of a city worker, and he's just sitting there, and you're like, that guy didn't do anything. Usually on the phone. Yeah. Yeah.

At least the other guy drives. Yeah, you're right. He's just trying to get one of those Sprint walkie-talkies to work for like seven years. Were those next though? Jamie, you there? You there? He was talking to all the friends. Boop boop. Jamie, you there? You there? She's talking to all the friends. It was all company.

What are you guys doing? We're working, bro. Quit fucking hitting us up. You know these are waterproof. There ought to be some idiot on them. Some dumb ass just using them for fun all the time. What do they want to know? This thing, what, can't find

love on the internet? What is that? What's the issue with this animal? What about in your culture? Do you guys have animals like this, Kat? What do you guys have? We do have dogs. We don't have dogs that look like

that, though. Our dogs tend to look just like our people. Very Asian. Oh, I love a hound dog. Yeah, our dogs tend to look just like our people. Very Asian. Oh, really? Are you more cats? Are you guys more of a cat culture? I wouldn't say that we're super animal friendly.

We're more like water buffalo people, personally. I like a nice water buffalo. They're dangerous, dude. I feel like Asians, a lot of snakes, a lot of cats. Is that stereotypical? Snakes? Asians and snakes, dude?

Really? I feel like a lot of Asian girls look up and say snakes. What? I don't know. Maybe it's a porno I watch. I don't know. But I feel like snakes and Asians. Catering in my mouth.

Cobras? Yes. In Vietnam, there's a type of liquor where there's a dead snake inside and you take shots from it. That's where I got it from. That's the closest thing to a pet you'll get. Yeah, Brendan's ordering drinks at a fucking pet co. I'm ordering drinks at a fucking petting zoo. Hey, can I get a double whiskey?

Dude, how fucking dope would that be if they had a full bar in a petting zoo? Oh, God. I'll take another double whiskey. I'm going to get on these goats over here. Yeah, let me get a couple of paps, dude. I'm about to read a book to these hams over here. Hey, let me get a Mickey's.

I'm going to go hang out to these hams over here. Hey, let me get a Mickey's. I'm going to go hang out with these llamas over here. What a great business idea, dude. I want a hound dog so bad now. Dude, that's like Riffraff, man. Riffraff wants to open up a high-end pet area where you can take your pet out. They got water slots for the pet. They got everything for the pet, you know, all kind of stuff. And you can drink, relax. Oh, damn. You know what it oh damn you know what sounds like a park yeah yeah he wants to do

yeah park great business idea though because those aren't everywhere dude don't rip up riffraff you already fucking cost us juvenile as a fan no no no juvenile's a fan no he isn't it sounded like he wasn't no okay i might? I might have lost Yellow Wolf. Okay. You announced my boy, all right? And I like Yellow Wolf for the record. But you'd compare them to J. Cole and fucking Kendrick Lamar. Who?

Yellow Wolf? Yeah. No, I never would. I love Yellow, bro. Who's the best? You went hard on Yellow Wolf one day. I did not. Yeah, you did.

You were there. No, I like Yellow Wolf. And Yellow Wolf came. Me too. Yeah, no, that's what we were saying. The problem is people don't think I like them because you compared them to Kendrick Lamar and J. Cole. I don't know who J. Cole is.

The shoe place at the airport? I never heard of J. Cole in my life, dude. Fuck no, dude. But you know Yellow Wolf. I know Yellow Wolf, bro. That's racist, bro. Don't make me pop the fucking trunk, son. Oh, you.

I still don't know that one. Oh, dude, that's a the fucking trunk, son. Oh, you. I still don't know that one. Oh, dude, that's a fucking hit. You guys played it for me. I still don't. Think I'm playing, man. Nope. You've sung it a bunch. It just doesn't connect.

Yellow Wolf, that hitter, boy. Dude, you know what I'm saying? Amarillo Coyote, papa. You need to get some Cole Hines with some J. Cole, son. Dude, you talking about wearing them J. Coles around here, bro? Get that shit out of here, dude. Brennan's driving a fucking skill crane and wearing J. Coles, dude. Dude, you heard of J. Cole.

J. Cole, dude? Is it a fucking male porn star? That'd be a good name. What else we got? A little relationship advice, boys. Please, dude, get me out of this fucking relationship Somebody advice how to get away from this Finish your best fucking goes how am I gonna divorce from this fucking Muppet?

How do you ditch a butch lesbian? Britain looks like a fucking soft crab bro. It is like the softest crab bro. He's the only crab out there without a shell Where's your shell man? Oh, it's in the shop There's only Only soft grab ever caught live in the wild Like damn, where's your claws man? Like oh, don't know I love him at home what do you got dude oh here's yellow wolf right here this is Greg from LA

asking for some relationship advice hey what's up guys Jesus Christ Greg and I'm looking for some relationship advice so I just started about two and a half months ago dating a porn star yes and she's smoking hot right um which one she's got long dark hair dark skin all natural big tits

big ass well pretty face just like straight dimey dot she's 22 i'm 32 uh so there's a bit of an age gap but we're really connecting inside and outside the bedroom, right? So the pros, she's really fun to be around. The sex is amazing. She's bringing home girls for me. We're having, like, threesomes, foursomes, fivesomes. We have planned this weekend with, like, four girls and me. Like, it's kind of blowing my mind how awesome that's going to be. Five-somes, you're going to get it catered?

But on the flip side, of course, you know, you're going to get electrolytes bro insecurity of back him up a little about 20 seconds you mind here so uh the pros uh she's really fun to be around the sex is amazing she's bringing home girls for me we're having like threesomes foursomes fivesomes we have planned this weekend people steal your fucking stuff too in my mind how awesome that scenario could be. But on the flip side, of course, you know, you have to deal with the jealousy and the insecurity of having her have sex with other guys on a regular basis. Yeah, she's going to train right now. You know, everything's clean.

I'm not worried about that. But it's more just like, like I said, my jealousy and my insecurity, like trying to deal with it internally. The good thing is we talk about it a lot. Our communication is on point, and she's really supportive with it uh so i'm curious how you guys would handle it if you could handle it what would you do you know to deal with seeing other guys on her social media that you know that she's been sleeping with and just all this type of stuff where you know she said she can separate the emotional from the sex and and so far it's been pretty smooth. But I'm curious what you would do to be able to handle those internal emotions. Yeah, I don't need a podcast.

Appreciate everything you do. Love your show. Thanks, guys. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. Gang, gang, bro. Very poignant speaker. Probably one of the more poignant young men that we've had sent in a video. Gregory is his name?

Yes, Greg from L.A. Shout out to Greg, 32, doing the damn thing. You want to jump in this one first? At 32, he's had his fun, so he's going to be open-minded. Could I deal with it? I don't know. It also depends what you want. Here's the other thing.

I'm sure she's great. Obviously, the sex is off the charts. Is it off the charts? Who knows, dude? He's saying that in a car. I guarantee it's off the charts. Here's the other thing. Fisums charts? Who knows, dude. He's saying that in a car. I guarantee it's off. I guarantee it's off the charts. Here's the other thing. Fisums? Stress me out, dude.

I can't even imagine it. First of all, I don't know what that's like. What? That means you and two girls are hooking up and two other girls are stealing a bunch of shit in your place. That's what that is. There's that if they're on the hustle or you and two girls are hooking up and then the other three girls are just on the sidelines ready to get into the game?

It's so stressful, dude. Yeah. And you better have hors d'oeuvres. You better have electrolytes. And there better be drugs, dude. It's a lot of responsibility. But that's not what this is about. That's not what this is about.

I don't know if I could deal with it because here's the thing. You're 32, brother. I don't know if you want a family. You have one now. you have five fucking women so that is a family here's the other thing you charles manson what do you plan to do bro um i i probably gonna handle just because down the road it'd be tough for your mom you know for your kid to look up oh what did mom do when she was younger yeah turn on it, it's a Bukkake video. You know what I'm saying? That's tough.

Well, Brendan, you don't have to think about that. You could just think about them having sex on tape. You don't have to think about people getting ejaculate on them. Well, that's what they got to do. That's the big numbers. They don't have to. They could just have sex, man. I like that he's open-minded.

I wouldn't be that jealous type. If I was 32, also, she's 22, and you don't have a family, nothing to worry about, no responsibilities. Have fun, dude. And also, I'm assuming, because she does it for work, and obviously just getting railed, you can do your own thing on the side, too. You're ruining this guy's life. Can we go to the culture corner?

Let's get some suggestions from some people who are probably smarter than us. Kat, could you handle it if your man was a porno star? I think it depends, because on one hand I think if he's a porn star, the last thing he'd want to do when he gets home is do anything sexually. It's like working at a strip club. The last thing you want to do

is come home and then fuck. You'd be surprised, but yeah. I watched some of it the other night, actually. Oh, special? Yeah, man. Dude, one of my favorite parts, I've only watched about 20 minutes, is the acting in the beginning. Oh, yeah, where I play all the characters? Bro, it's fucking good, dude. Yeah, dude.

Thanks, man. God, I thought you brought shit all over me. Thanks, man. Really? Yeah. Watch out, bro. No, the acting. Dude, the acting in the beginning was fucking great, man. I thought that the blonde thot at the end was a little much, but. No. The acting. Dude, the acting in the beginning was fucking great, man.

I thought that the blonde thought at the end was a little much, but even so. She was hot, though, huh? She was kind of cute. Yeah, it was weird. You text me, do you have her number? Yeah, like. No, man. I was like, man, dude.

I didn't have the heart to tell you it's me in a wig, bro. I want to shave her tits a little, but. But, dude, the fucking character, the fucking guy at the counter when you're ordering the tacos. Thanks, man. I know what you want, big boy. You've been to the fucking truck so many times. That shit was fucking great. Thanks, brother.

Let's get back into it. Kat, what do you think about this fucking sick, twisted man who's calling you? No, no, no, no. about this fucking sick, twisted man who's calling you. No, no, no, no. I don't think I could do it personally, but if she's 22, she's probably just getting into this.

So you've got a couple more years where you've got to figure this out if you're trying to stick with her. It takes a mature dude to deal with this. But also, there's such a taboo on porno stars and strippers and stuff. I don't see the big deal with it. I don't see the big deal with it at all.

Especially strippers. Right. What is he asking? Yeah, what is he asking? I think he's asking if you guys could do it. That's what he's basically asking. Like if we can come over and help with the Fison? Because that stresses me out, dude. Really? I mean, if they want to play like a pickup game, I'm down. I don't know what they're trying to do, though.

Yeah, I don't know. I would rather... I don't think I want to play, like, a pickup game, I'm down. I don't know what they're trying to do, though. Yeah, I don't know. I would rather, I don't think I want to do that, man. Have you ever dated a porno star or, like, been interested in it? Yeah, I probably definitely, like, stalked a couple of them. Yeah. Yeah. You know? But I don't think there's anything wrong with porno stars or anything like that.

I just think. Could you date one, though, and deal with, like. I don't know. I think it would be too much. Sometimes the culture is just something that I don't want around. I remember I had a roommate whose friend was a stripper, and she stole our vacuum once. So it was just like something you got all this, you know,

you got a lot of extras. There's a lot of baggage that comes along with this type of person. It's the same as dating a comedian or something, there's a lot of baggage that comes along with this type of person. Same as like dating a comedian or something, I think. There's a lot of like, you know, there's a lot of baggage that comes along with these people. Everybody wants a pit bull till you get a pit bull. Yeah. A lot of responsibilities. Yeah, till it eats one of the twins,

you know. Yeah. And you're like, damn, bro. You know, where's Lenny? Yeah. You asked for it. So, I think that... Get a pit bull. I think that the 32 and 22 also seems a little tough sometimes. 22 is tough. It's hard to feel like you have a partner in crime as opposed to like an associate or somebody that you kind of reign over a little bit. But that could just be me being judgmental as well.

I mean. Here's the other thing. You got to question yourself if you've got a connection with a 22-year-old porn star. You know what I'm saying? You might have to question what's going on in your life. Yeah, maybe.

A lot of them are smart. Oh, dude, I've met some porno stars that blow your mind. Not only in the bedroom, but also super smart. Like Asa Akira, do you know her? Yeah, she's a beast. She's really, really creative, yeah.

In every way. Yeah, and a lot of them are not, though. A lot of them. A lot of them are just typical, you know, glory hole girls. Yeah, some people can't read, and they're just out there fucking people online. Mm-hmm. So, anyway, bro.

Good luck. Listen, it takes a special type. Listen, I had a friend who was in an open relationship. I told him, dude, you're a special, special type of dude to live that life. And he was stressed out all the time. I don't know, man. I don't know how that ends for anybody. This is making me feel erect, bro.

And tired, dude. It's so sweat. Well, a lot of times when a lot of blood goes into my wiener. You get tired? I get tired. Yeah, big dick, bro. Because it leaves my brain. I think, yeah. Well, a lot of times when a lot of blood goes into my wiener. You get tired? I get tired. Yeah, big dick, bro. Because it leaves my brain. I think, yeah.

My brain will shut down. Most of the time, it's in that ass, bro. I'll come to and I'll just be, you know, pretending like I'm fucking. Wow. Yeah, most of that blood goes to your ass, I feel like. Yeah, dude. You got that dumper. Bro, relax, bro.

You got that dark arts dump. Yeah, Derek had to remind you I did. You didn't even know I had a nice ass, you piece of shit. I got you, buddy. You're supposed to be friends, dude. I know. Well, you always hide it, dumb. Yeah, Derek had to remind you I did. You didn't even know I had a nice ass, you piece of shit. I got you, buddy. You're supposed to be friends, dude. I know. Well, you always hide it, dude. What do you mean hide it?

Hide your ass. Dude, it's half a month. Get out. Jumble that thing up, dude. Get the cake, cake, cake, cakes out, dude. You're disgusting, brother. Get those New Orleans cakes out, dude. This ain't an IHOP, brother.

You better get on. Here's what I'm saying is, guy, if you can do it, cheers to you, man. Yeah, better man than me. Yeah, it sounds like there's some bravado in it. You know, you want to tell us you got these threesomes, foursomes, fivesomes. Dude, it's all fun and games, so half your shit goes missing, bro. You know what I'm saying? There's no way five people are over at your house just to fucking not steal something.

All right, dude? I agree. Dude, I go over to somebody's house, bro. Even if I'm in love with them, I might steal some shit. I'll go through their cabinets to see what's up. You know how much silverware I have from rich people at fucking houses

I went over to growing up, bro? Do you know how many medications I have now? I still got about 70 sets, bro. Preach. I always steal from outback steakhouse. But look, also in another part of me is envious, though. You out there, you getting it. You got the titties and all of that

and the glitter and everybody. You're busting nuts. Yeah, you're busting nuts. What else we got? What do you think, D? Could you deal with it if your girl was a porn star? I mean, she seems cool about it. He described this awesome girl

and he was being way more of a hoe about it than the porn star. Well, she's a porn star, so what else is she going to bring to the table? Yeah, that's why he was also like, oh, she fucks dudes. It's her job, bro. Yeah.

It's her job. They pay her to do that. That's the MO, bro. Does she make more money than you? Shut the fuck up. You know what I'm saying? You'd be surprised

how much little money they do. They don't make anything. They got to own all their shit. That's why Jeff Jameson flipped the script. That's why they all

do the MyCam stuff now. Yeah, and like Jack O'Fee and stuff. It's so sad that those women have all been taking advantage of it. That's everything. That's of. That's everything.

That's sports. That's everything. There's no difference between porno stars and UFC fighters. Oh, I agree. There's only one person making all the money. I agree. Conor McGregor. Oh, Dana White.

You're all doing work. Everybody gets concussed, whether it's a dick to the face or an elbow. You're all getting concussed. Yeah. Porno stars and fighters, bro. I don't know. It's science. Let's't know. It's science. Let's move on.

Is it science? When Brandon says it's science, I think you got to Google science. Here's one thing, though. I will comment on this a little bit further because he did ask, he said, would you be able to handle it? I don't think I would be able to handle it. I don't think I would be able to handle it if it's a girl that I'm really into. If it's a girl you're just hooking up with, porn

stars, 90 out of 6, 7, 95 times, it's where they're supposed to be. It's better seen than not heard or whatever it is. Sometimes it'll bum me out when you meet them. Yeah, it's always

the lights, the camera, the action want you never want to meet your heroes bro it's true man it really is true and you don't want to see how sausage is made yeah and then you get there like oh this is what they do that's what they do playboy and we had a pig too in our town we had a pig that was misbehaving a lot of times when we take him over there about a sausage maker and show him what the fuck was going to happen, boy. Fuck yeah. You fucking look over there, Darius. Look at it, Darius.

Little baby back rib, bitch. Look, he had a little bell on his neck, too. Like a barbecue saw. Ding, ding, ding, ding. It was like an Asian bell, yeah. Fuck yeah. Ding, ding, ding. Good luck, man.

Like, damn, Darius, calm down over there. And he was always fucking local, bro. Dude, film that Fisum. See what's up, dude. Submit it next week. What? Yeah, bro, get some fireballs, dude. Get some lasers out of your ass. Now, if you could shoot a laser

out of your ass, bro, and fucking take down a stop sign in a small town, bro. I'd give you $40, boy. Yeah, yeah. What else we got? I'm on fire in this episode. Let's fucking keep going. Rowan Ashley from New Zealand. More relationship advice?

Gang, gang, bro. No, it's King and her Stingit. Oh, only one relationship advice? McKee, we may go. Only one advice today. But you guys did a good job. Hey, lads. It's Rowan from New Zealand here.

Brendan, I actually met you when you came here, and even so early on in your comedy career. Man, that was so funny, eh? Hope you come back, bro. Theo, you skipped us for some reason. Yep, I'm a better person. I don't really know why. I kind of took it personally, but whatever.

I've got a king it'll sting it for you guys. Girls with no arms. Like, I was out in town and I met this girl and she came on to me and she was gorgeous, man. She had a banging body but she had she had no arms like it was off at the at the elbow yeah and i just we get the best i couldn't do it but all my mates said do it but i just couldn't do it i just want to know what you guys said i've done it can't get it or sting it girls no arms cheers lads gang gang buzz buzz buzz buzz

brother shout out to new zealand Favorite place I've ever been. They're in Dublin. Top two. No arms. Listen, if it's like that girl who was, I got to know how she lost her arms. You know what I'm saying? Because there was that movie. Remember the girl was riding waves in Hawaii and a shark took her arms?

That shit turned me on. Took her arm. Arms. Really? Because it went chomp. She went, oh, what the fuck? Chomp. Oh, my God.

I just went back to short. Yeah. Swung back, and that shit was sexy. Damn, bro. Yeah, dude. But no arms? If they're, hey, body's a body. Dumper's a dumper.

Titties are titties. Yeah, sure. Now it is, dude, that other people have told you it's nice. Here's what I'm saying is, dude, what is this lady asking about? Girls with no arms, you down? Yeah, man, look. People don't have to have arms, dude. When you go to heaven, nobody has arms.

So you might as well practice now on getting to know people. Don't bring her to the Dodgers game, though. A lot of people get hit with balls. Yeah, that's true. And a lot of people are catching them. Heads up! Boom! You know what I'm saying? There's no mitt hit with balls. Yeah, that's true. And a lot of people are catching them. Heads up! Boom! You know what I'm saying?

There's no mitts for her. Yeah. Unless you're trying to wear a catcher's mitt to the baseball game. Yeah, so that's one place you can't take her when there are billions of places to also take her. He might be a big baseball fan. They don't have baseball in New Zealand, dude. He's coming over here, he said. Big Dodgers fan.

That's what he said? Yeah. Did he say big Dodgers fan? No. Also, dude, they're called the Dodgers, bro. So if you're not expecting to fucking have it move out of the way of a ball, you're out, bro. God, dude. The warning's in the goddamn name.

The Dodgers. I know, bro. Because they get hit by the ball. Yeah, don't explain my joke, bro. God. You're so right, though, dude. Thank you, brother. I appreciate it.

You're on fire today, dude. One time an episode. You hit it, man. Sometimes you just hit it. H-Town, bro. Thank you, brother. I appreciate it. You're on fire today, dude. One time an episode. You hit it, man. Sometimes you just hit it. H-Town, bro. You know what I'm saying, bro? Yeah, you're not as dumb as they say you are, bro. Get that hitter, son.

Dude, I'm in H-Town. Well, this is coming out after. Yeah, you're in two weeks, right? Nope, this week. This week. I'll say this to you, man. What's this guy's name? Benjamin?

No, his name was Rowan. Ashley. Rowan, Ashley. Oh, Rowan. That's a cool name, bro. I'll say this, man. That's a dope name. If you got somebody who don't have arms, dude, that's great, bro.

You know? And if she don't have any arms and you have arms, then you kind of, you know, you already have a chance to be kind of like the champion. Well, you run the show. But also, here's the other thing. And you can do that cute thing where you get behind her and kind of do that kind of thing

like she talks. Oh, I love that. Yeah, I love that. That'd be fun. That'd be so cool, man. That'd be fun for a week. And you can make a baby video for her family

and she's like, guess what? We're having a... And you're like... And they think it's you're having a school where you're going to go to juggling, but we're having a... And then you go like this, baby.

Love it. So I love it, man. I think if your mates are just trying to get you to bang them because she doesn't have arms, that's

kind of bizarre, I think. It's just archaic. You got to get out more, dude, if that's the type of fun. If that's the

hold up, here's the other thing. Without arms, think how much of a beast she is. What that mouth do, girl? What them feet

do, girl? You know what I'm saying? Think about it, bro. No. What them feet do, girl? She's like I'm saying? Think about it, bro. No. What them feet do, girl? She's like a chimpanzee with her feet.

She's grabbing her dick. Fucking foot. You're a limp chimpanzee. Changing the control of the TV like this with her foot. Think about it, bro. Don't touch me, dude, after you say that kind of stuff. With your feet.

Listen to you just sexualizing some woman without arms, dude. No, I'm trying to help you out. What are you trying to do? Let's go to Kat. I need, Jesus Christ. Kat, would you date a dude with no arms? Yeah, I feel like I would. Fuck yeah.

Like, he's gotta, I think, compensate for the lack of arms with either being really nice or really funny. Mm-hmm. He has to make up for it somewhere else, I feel. Yeah. Like, oh, shit, where's my keys? And he's like, oh, I mean my arms. And it's like a joke.

Yeah, exactly. And he can't find his arms or keys. But something has to give, meaning if he doesn't have arms, his other sense is going to be super heightened. So he might hear shit from- He might have laser-beamed eyes. Or he can just hear people talking two doors down and shit, you know? Yeah, or three doors down like that band.

I was just got three doors down. That's crazy, man. Remember Superman? Yeah. Oh, that's crazy. Hit that for me. Hit that for me, D. Let's just hit it, dude.

What happened to them? I think in New Zealand, yeah, there's definitely obviously past times are hard to come by sometimes so i guess if you're out there but it's also a it's a world of exotic creatures and exotic types of species also how'd she lose her arms she born that way yeah if she was trying to hug a baby in a like a like a sharp shop or something if she was trying to hump a tiger shark well then what are we doing if she yeah if she lost her arms like she lost her arms trying to fucking hug somebody during a sword fight or something, then I would... That's on her.

Then that's the kind of girl that you're going to love forever. Oh, dude. I remember my girlfriend bought me this CD. Impairments, bro. And then a day later, asked for the money. Impairments? I'll never forget that. Her name was Stacy.

She said, hey, you got that $14.99. Stacy, dude? Is she 50 years old? Okay. Impairments are my freaking endearment, bro. I know it's only in your mind. I'm feeling my body lying somewhere in the sands of time. Watch the world float to the dark side of the moon.

I feel there's nothing I can do. Yeah. God, these boys slapped. This is the only one, though, isn't it? They were good, huh? This is the only one we got. This is it, though. It's all good.

I watch the world float through the dark side of the moon. They were good, man. All right, what else we got, D? That's all they had, though, huh? Back in the days of good music, man. You remember Death Cab for Cutie? Oh. Man.

God, I remember him, dude. Dude, and also, sometimes an appendage, if you miss an appendage, it can be endearing, can be exciting. We had a guy, Bus, he would... Bus? Huh? Bus? A guy by us. Oh, gotcha. His name was Bus. No had a guy by us. He would... Bus? Huh? Bus? A guy by us.

Oh, gotcha. His name was Bus. No, and he had wooden legs, appendages, you know, bottoms. And he would spray like animal attractant on them. And he'd sit out there in the park and all these animals would come up. Easy hunting, bro. Beautiful. And then he would...

Sometimes he would get some of the animals with a knife. Yeah. What else you got, D? This is from Ricardo Camargo. Ooh, nice. A black guy, huh? No. This kind of guy.

Oh, Ricardo. Ricardo. Yo, what up, Theo and Brendan? Gang, gang, papa. Portra Corner. What's up, pops? King of the stinging for y'all today. I always wear my shirts a little bit open from the top.

That's Latin, bro. I don't got chest hair or nothing. Not even Cuban. I'm Mexican. But I just think it looks nice. I don't know. King of the stinging. Open shirts.

Cuban style. Gang, gang. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz. Bueno, bro. Dude, if you're a little Latin, whatever it is, Mexican, Spanish, Cuban, Dominican, you can't button to the top.

You're trained as a young man. Four buttons down, bro. You got to let your corazón out, papa. Get your tits out. Get your tits out. You got that corazón, man. That's why, bro. That's why, bro.

That's why those shirts are made for you guys. Yeah, you got that corazón. Get that fucking carne asada. You got that fucking one gold chain. You got that fucking one gold chain. You got that fucking juicy tits hanging out the front, bro. Yeah, let your heart shine, papa. Dude, you guys having three buttons down is like Latin girls with fat asses. It goes hand in hand, bro.

Yeah, man. I think you're doing good, man. Just let it rock, bro. Let it fucking rock, daddy. Get that chorizo out, bro. Talk about your chest here, papa. Get the nipples out, daddy, huh? Get chest here, papa. Get the nipples out, daddy, huh? Get the fucking, yeah, get your nipples out.

Bro, get your stomach. Keep going, man. Get your estomago out, bro. Andele, andele. Estomago adentro, papa. You know? Dude, open, unbutton your pants, bro. You know what I'm saying?

Dude, that's what I'm saying, bro. Why stop at the shirt? Get one fucking button open on the pants to get a little fucking place on. Put some cocaine on your shoulders, daddy. Yeah, bro. Make a quesadilla. Take your fucking pants off, bro.

Dude, now we talking. Get your shoes off. Get your pants off, bro. Undo your shoes at the top. You feel me, dog? Dude. Yeah, bro. Put your shoes on your hands. Yes, dude. Bro, take your skin off, bro. Under your shoes at the top. You feel me, dog? Dude. Yeah, bro. Put your shoes on your hands.

Yes, dude. Bro, take your skin off, dude. Bro, take off your skin, dude. Bro, no, dude. You're going to die, bro, if you take off your skin. You're fucking nuts, man. You need to stop with the four buttons down, bro. Yeah, man.

I think you're doing good as you're doing, man. You got to tone it down, bro. I like the way the seatbelt opens that shit up, too, on that, bro. But you got to know what the ladies want, man, I think you're doing good as you're doing, man. You got to tone it down, bro. I like the way the seatbelt opens that shit up, too, on that, bro. But you got to know what the ladies want, man. Give them what they're asking for, papa. Yeah, they want to see your corazon. The chili. So, yeah, I like it, man.

I think it's fine, bro. Nah, it's what you guys do. Yeah, it's chill, man. Gang, bro. King it. That's it, boys. That's it? That's it?

That's it, That's it That's it That's it That's it That's it Dang Dude you're You're con queso Hombre here He's headed home dude Violencia I'm in Denver this week

I'm in Denver this week bro Hometown My mama's coming To see me do stand up Is she really No I know dude Yeah so on your special

It was the first time Your dad came to see you Do stand up huh Yeah That's crazy man I know That was cool First and only

You know Really I don't know Yeah Just kidding Yeah man it was great I was watching that to see you do stand-up, huh? That's crazy, man. I know. That was cool. First and only, you know? Really? I don't know. Yeah. Just kidding. Yeah, man, it was great. I was watching that special. I was like, oh, man,

this is fucking dope, dude. You did a good job. Thanks, brother. Yeah. Appreciate you, man. You did a really good job, man. I can't wait for your special. I haven't watched it,

but I only watched about 20 minutes of it. But that's the most I watch with any of it. Me too. Me too. I think an hour's too long, man. I start zoning out.

I start zoning out of a short attention span. Even with Chappelle, even with Burr. It's like Chappelle lost out to 40 minutes. Yeah, I finish them in sections. Gang, bro. Not yours, though, dude. I can't wait for yours, dude.

Yeah, man. You think you're still going to talk to me after you blow up after this special? I appreciate your attitude, man. Yeah, I have to, dude. We have to come here. No, you don't have to. That's a good point, actually. We don't have to have to, dude. We have to come here. No, you don't have to. That's a good point, actually. We don't have to do anything, dude.

We can discuss it. Dude, how about we're going to be in Pittsburgh together? Damn, I know. It's crazy, huh? What are the odds of that? Pretty good, because you had me. Do you mind if I'm there, too, the same day? I'm like, sure, dude.

So that's how that went down. What are the odds, bro? Well, yeah, I mean, we talked about it. Because you were worried about coming the same day. so that's how that went down what are the odds bro well yeah I mean we talked about it because you were worried about coming the same day so yeah it's not like

I spun a glove and just landed there no no not by coincidence well I'm in Bethlehem and then I gotta be in Cleveland a couple days later so

one of my favorite cities brother and apparently one of my five most where I have the most people that pay attention to me is Pittsburgh. Top five.

Wow. Pittsburgh, Columbus, New York, LA, and one other place, Missoula, I think. Love it, man. Yeah, I'll tell you my dates. I'm going to be October 4th. And these are all new. Yeah, these are all new. Hit them, dog.

October 4th, Bethlehem, PA. No idea. The 5th, Pittsburgh, PA. The 8th, Cleveland. 9th, Indianapolis. 10th, Grand Rapids. 11th, PA. The 5th, Pittsburgh, PA. The 8th, Cleveland. 9th, Indianapolis. 10th, Grand Rapids. 11th, Detroit. 12th, Milwaukee.

And the 13th in Madison. Love it. We might do a little something in Pittsburgh together. Yeah, we should. Might be doing a little something in that late show. Pittsburgh, October 3rd through 5th for me. But this week, I'm in Denver, my hometown. Dang.

Broncos, son. Buzz, buzz. Fucking Bronco Broncos. They suck right now, but we'll see what happens. Who's the quarterback? Throwing two. Flacco. Flacco. Oh, I like Flacco. Taking a lot of flack. Is he? Emmanuel Sanders, though. He's good. They're just not playing well, dude. We should have won last week.

We should have won. You got your bear sheet in them. When this comes out, my new tour, Fifty Shades of Brown, all the dates will be on there. Here's a ton of them. Go to the site. It's When this comes out, my new tour, 50 Shades of Brown, all the dates will be on there. There's a ton of them. Go to the site. It's all over. It's a new tour.

But this week, I'm in Denver, then it's Pittsburgh, then Philly. What up? What up? Appreciate you, brother. Gang, bro. Same to you, man. Gang, gang.