The Golden Hour - Episode 4: Rip my Drip is born

Episode Date: January 15, 2019

Brendan Schaub and Theo Von are back in studio for the 4th episode of the ever evolving King and the Sting.Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Welcome to King and the Sting. What's up, brother? What's up, dude? How you doing, man? I'm doing good. Yeah? Yeah, I'm doing pretty good, man. Where were you this past weekend?

I was, oh, which is the name of my other podcast. Fantastic. I was in Omaha. Original name, by the way. Yeah, thank you. Yes. I was in Omaha, Nebraska. Oh.

Yeah, we had a good time, man. It was, we had Anthony Smith came out, Lionheart, the fighter. Oh, the gentleman fighting John Jones? Yeah. The light heavyweight. He's a badass. Dude, when he told me he was fighting John Jones, I got scared. You didn't know?

No, I had no idea. I started looking around for John Jones. You're like, he's here? Yeah. Scary. So I was nerve wracked, but you know idea. I started looking around for Jon Jones. You're like, he's here? Yeah. Scary. So I was nerve-wracked, but, you know, he's got nothing to lose, man. Nothing to lose but a picogram, baby. What is a picogram?

Steroids. Is it really? Yeah. And that's what Jon Jones had, right? Depends how you define a pico, bro. Pico Boulevard, pico gram. I mean, look, I used to do steroids by the interstate dude and you got picos then oh i was picoed up sorry i bet you'd picoed up right now oh dude and we used to pull

off my buddy and he died actually ate a bunch of pills and drove into an embankment actually r.i.p billy conforto damn billy yeah 45 year old homoerotic bus boy oh and uh who's your best friend one of my best friends for a while gay at all yeah i'm not dude whatever yeah dude he uh took a bunch of pills and he never even took advantage of me so so you know i'm not gay so you think i know bro no you don't know dude i would know in my heart if someone had taken advantage of me no you wouldn't because your brain deleted that shit because you're high off your ass okay Okay, this is not an interrogation, brother. No, it's definitely not. It is not.

Welcome to King and the Sting. And why don't we start the episode off with a new segment. Tell them, Brendan. A little rip my drip. You've seen the Oscars do it. You've seen us do it on E. Well, me, not Theo. You've seen us do it, though.

It's time to rip that drip. Yeah, who lifts weights on E, bro? You use E to lift weights? You use steroids, not Theo. You've seen us do it, though. It's time to rip that drip. Yeah, who lifts weights on E, bro? You use E to lift weights? You use steroids, you idiot. Who's at the gym doing five milligram curls? Let's get Theo on this pedestal up there. Let me see what he's rocking with here. This is the outfit of the day.

It is a lovely Tuesday, and Theo decided to wear this, huh? That's the style for a Tuesday. Excuse me, sir. Dude, you look like you carpool with your mom in a fucking Subaru Forester every day. You look like you have churros in your pocket. You guys, what are you wearing, brother? What the fuck? What are those pants?

Dude, those are outdoor pants. Those are what? Outdoors. Those are for outdoors. Outdoors? Why are they pulled up like that? Huh? That's how they do.

You look like fucking Baloo from Tailspin with those fucking pants. Get out of here. You look like you just got fired from Red Robin. Let's bring up, dude. Let's bring up Brennan Sham here. Okay? If you can bring up Barry Shops. look like nascar arouses you yeah quit ripping my drip bro i want to rip his drip let's throw him up on the bring it bring up that stylish motherfucker oh my god bro what's up bro you look like the strongest female figure skater I've ever seen. On some Picos?

Huh? On them Picos? Dude, you look like, obviously, you sell cologne at a gas station. Okay? Definitely. Dude, you look like the dude that's been held back in every grade. You're 32 years old in high school. And you're still asking fucking sophomores for rides home bro

that necklace dude that thing is so fake bro fake dude i could buy your mom's trailer with this thing whatever dude bro oh my god you look like the ballerina that's in a little girl's jewelry box dude get your life together oh fuck let's get this episode going who's ready to king it or sting it do it let's do it first one we have from louis chacon and chacon is spanish definitely mexican greetings to the rat king and the bee sting gang gang buzz buzz it's your boy luis from san jose buzz buzz baby got a question for you. King it or sting it? Peeing in the shower.

You know, you're in the shower scrubbing yourself up. Got to take a leak. Do you pee or do you hold it until you get out of the shower? So peeing in the shower. King it or sting it? Gang, gang. Buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz, my red rocket friend.

Huh? Buzz, buzz. Dude, hold it until red rocket friend, huh? Buzz, buzz. Dude, hold it till you get out of the shower and then pee where? In the sink? Like a psycho? You fucking let that thing go like a super soaker. And here's a little fact for you athletes out there. If your feet itch, you piss on your feet and it gets rid of any athlete's feet.

You know that? Okay, first of all, that is something somebody made up. No, I promise it works, dude. No, there's a man laying in bed, probably a gay man, laying in bed somewhere. Just imagine all these young athletes pissing on their own feet. You have a rash on your face? I will piss on your face, Theo. If you want, I'll do that for you.

Dude, well, you got some definitely troubled growth. Why don't you piss and pull that beard off, dude? That beard looks— Dude, I have to lighten it up bro we did where you learn to grow a beard near chernobyl bro you can barely put any hair any hair on you got that bro you got that oh you look like a goat that haircut you look like a labrador that's getting older in the chin bro you need to get your act together definitely fucking king peeing in the shower who holds it what kind the shower. Who holds it?

What kind of fucking serial killer holds it? Well, not people that are with the church usually will hold it. Nah. If you're going to be in a storm, if there's weather, if there's hard weather coming in, I'll hold it. Dude, Mormons are shit in the tub. You know that? No, they don't. And then they grate it down like cheese. No, they don't. Dude,

I've seen it happen. For what? My cousin's Mormon. To do what? For wine? No, they do stomp it like grapes, but it's shit. Just to seen it happen for what my cousin's mormon to do what for wine no they do stomp it like grapes but it's shit just to get it through the the so there's no clog you're disgusting dude that's life welcome to life deal get out your goddamn trailer park and experience life yeah you need help luis i'm gonna say this brother i'll piss on your feet if you're in a fire dude i'd do anything for you my friend and i will shit in your feet if you're in a fire, dude. I'd do anything for you, my friend. And I will shit in your tub if you need it. Let's move along. What else we got? But I say King It for sure.

Definitely King It. That one's easy. Yeah, that was an easy one. Next one from Danielle Ferns. Hi, guys. Danielle Ferns here from Vancouver, Canada. Currently down in New Zealand playing a bit of rugby. Okay, will you pause it for a second?

Freckles on freckles. Hey, Danielle. Okay, you want to keep it going? What's up, Miss Blue Eyes? Don't talk to my girl. Dude, that's my girl, Buzz Buzz. I know Callum loves us. What do you guys think?

Let me know. Rewind that. Hi, guys. Danielle Burns here from Vancouver, Canada. Currently down in New Zealand playing a bit of rugby. And I've got a King Intersting for you. CrossFit girls. I know Callum loves us.

What do you guys think? Let me know. Well, know well callan likes dudes too so that doesn't count yeah he likes men and women here's the difference she got kissed by a bunch of strawberries huh that lady yeah okay wow you are something else today i'll say this young lady let me focus on the issue at hand this young lady's from new zealand do you know where that is i think she's visiting there because there's no accent again get the fuck out of your house quit watching reruns of mash and experience life she doesn't have an accent she's an american in new zealand fuck man did you did you just sleep in when your mom's trying to homeschool you on new zealand dude have you been drinking perfume you fucking look horrible dude i look horrible yeah you look like you drink mouthwash don't keep talking about you look like orville redenbacher's lesbian daughter dude you fucking need help okay let me say this young

lady here's my issue with crossfit girls they're good girls okay they're nice women the problem is some of them get pregnant and they continue to do deadlifts sheer jacks you know fucking uh you know wall killers and all of this shit you know fucking midget cakers and all it is whatever they're doing you know uh these labia stompers they're out there doing all these different things is dangerous you know i'm not trying to be at the gym and step on a damn zygote. A lot of these ladies, it's just like... You can't tell the difference between CrossFit men

and women. They look the same. That's my problem, too. I'm with you on this. My biggest problem with CrossFit women is their dicks. You know what I'm saying? That's the biggest problem. I don't know. Is it a dude? Is it a girl? You squat more than me. You run faster than me. I don't like that. a dude is it a girl you squat more than me yeah you run faster than me yeah i don't like that dude i saw a girl one time she had barrettes in her and

she fucking just ate them as a snack in the middle of her lift dude i once thought damn this girl is fucking moving she's pretty hot tan skin braids in her hair it was a black guy uriah faber oh wow oh yeah i could see that yeah definitely i definitely see that. Uriah Faber. I thought, look at that apple bottom. And then I felt guilty for being attracted to him. Shout out to Team Alpha, man. Yeah. I would say, man, I've seen some of those CrossFit girls are dimey-dimeys.

They can deadlift this dick in their mouth. You're backtracking, bro. No, they can deadlift. Certain ones, they can deadlift this dick in their mouth. You're backtracking, bro. No, they can deadlift. Certain ones, they can deadlift this dick in their mouth. The actual competition ones who are jacked and going for records, fucking get off my nut. I like the ones who work out, have a few calluses on their hand, but doesn't it feel like fucking Tom Brady's jacking me off. Yeah.

I don't want a girl who's not going to jerk me off because my dick doesn't weigh 40 pounds. You know what I'm saying? Like, a lot of these chicks only want these heavy dumps. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I don't need you to get chalked out to jack me off. You know what I'm saying? Like, I don't need that.

Yeah, I don't need you doing a LeBron before you freaking, you know, jack me off. And I don't need some of these gals that get real strong and their vaginas get real hardy. They get hard if they get thick well yeah one girl tried to you know touch her vagina with my hand and her clitoris wanted a thumb wrestle oh and i was like this blow the whistle you know what i'm saying this wad is done bro also the workout of the day the work it is the workout of the day also i don't need some bitch doing fucking burpees and drinking Redline before she sucks me off. That's the other thing that bums me out. Redline will kill you, man.

Really? That's cocaine in a bottle. Oh, dude, it's four locos for lesbians is what it is, man. Yeah, you're right, bro. I'm going to say I love women that stay healthy, but sting it. I'm sting it. They're a little too extreme for me. Wow, you just follow whatever I do.

Nah, fuck yeah. Danielle's not going to be happy about that one. Nah, she's a little too extreme for me Wow you just follow whatever I do Nah fuck yeah Danielle's not gonna be happy about that one Nah she's a little strawberry kiss now Well she's underage So maybe we quit talking We're like that No you'll be 21 or up She seems like a nice young woman

Who has a bright future ahead of her Well you thought she was from New Zealand Even though she was American as shit Cause you're blind She said she's in New Zealand dude Next one from Idiot Chandler Garore

Fucking homeschool man Chandler Garore. Fucking homeschool, man. Chandler Garore? I'm definitely pronouncing that wrong. Oh, shit. Looks like you straight-ass Game of Thrones. What's up, Theo and Brendan? My name's Chandler.

I'm from Slido, Louisiana. Shout out the boot. St. Timothy Parish. But I got a king of the stinger for you guys. Another homeschool. Should guys shave their ass crack? King of the stinger. Let us know. He apparently has some hairy anal situations going on.

The problem is here, you don't shave it. What are you, a fucking savage? You wax it. Louisiana, boy, you shave that bitch, son. Nah, then you get stubble and shit. And that's like sandpaper walking. You wax it. We call it the ball and

booty wax they do yeah it's the most common thing men do uh it's not it was common no men do their families true true i'm saying well brendan's different get that stuff removed it's called ball and butt have you ever had it done i have it i had my girl because i was thinking about it because i do it you know it gets a little hairy back there you got a duck tail oh yeah i got the little duck tail and so i had my girl put just put a thinking about it, because it gets a little hairy back there. You got a duck tail. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I got the little duck tail. And so I had my girl just put a patch on the inside of my leg. It was like, let me just feel it. The worst pain in my life.

Like what, a Nicorette patch? Yeah, kind of. Nicorette pack size. Yeah. And she ripped it, and it fucking hurt. Not for me, dude. Not for me. Wow, what a wimp.

I'll tell you this. If you want to shave my ass, dude, you want to get down there, you want to use silverware, whatever you got to do to de-hair my ass, you're welcome to do it. You know what I'm saying? I'm from Louisiana, bro. I don't give a fuck. I don't care if you need to start a fire, one of these Malibu fires that killed a bunch of rich people. Fuck it. Start it in my ass crack, son.

You know what I'm saying? I got too much hair back there. Sometimes it's like if I fart, you can't even... You don't have to edit that. You don't. Do not edit that yeah you don't do not edit me out you can hear i'll say this dude uh i fart so no you can't even hear it that's how much hair i have sometimes in my butt it's like you're you're here silence you're here as a silencer oh yeah bro i got that silencer all right so when i'll grow a fucking mitten i'll make a

damn cut that shit off for locks for lust or whatever yeah you know what i'm saying steven seagal asshole oh dude i got that arthur ash baby you know what i'm saying i got that fucking uh you know i'm vladimir putin bro you can't even hear him you know what i'm saying all right so really uh that elastic jungle from guts i don't know what that is it's just a bunch of bungee cords that it's really hard to navigate through it's a perfect analogy don't know what that is, bro. It's just a bunch of bungee cords that it's really hard to navigate through. It's a perfect analogy. Don't worry about it. Look it up later. Damn. You're not creepy at all.

You're not creepy at all. So I say, yeah, you got to take care of it. So you're going to king this. Yeah, you can't have somebody. Well, you don't just let anybody you don't know go back there with scissors. You got to let a family member do it. No, you don't do scissors like a goddamn savage. You use wax like a gentleman, and then you have that squeaky clean asshole like a G.I. Joe.

Wax, bro. Yeah, bro. That is so true. Wax it up. Sting shaving it yourself. I say King shaving it yourself. You're talking to a man who cut his own hair to lose 27, and you know what I'm saying? You give me a pair of uh i'll even use use those

school scissors with the with the rounded ends dude oh so you don't stab that asshole it might take me two hours in a funhouse mirror but i'm fucking giving my asshole a haircut see that's fun all right number four last king of their sting it from chase stroud that's a model bro okay that's 90210. Hey, Brendan, Theo. Got a King of the Sting in here for you. Guys wearing short shorts

at the gym? Thoughts? Damn, that guy on a lazy Susan, that guy kind of Did that guy have fucking hostages

in his room? Why was he so quiet and looking around like that? It was very interesting. Did they creep me out

that's jamie cross i think actually who just submitted that jamie cloths actually he looks like an extra from 90210 or melrose place or some shit he looks like all the characters from um 90210 he does i forget the theme song but that was the bomb the peach pit bro that's what they used to call my asshole before i took those scissors to it you know what i'm talking about yeah the sandbox baby i got that jocko willing i got that buzz cut back there baby ready to fade it up oh 4 30 a.m my asshole's wide awake dude sweating damn bro yep get that the the pound the dump truck asshole bro oh i got that j in the trade dude i got the ass of a fucking, you know. I got the ass of a homeschool kid.

Of a homeschool kid, yeah. With encephalitis. Whatever that is. What are we talking about? He wanted to know wearing short shorts at the gym, like 1980s Michael Jordan style. John Stockton style? Yeah. I celebrate short shorts for this reason. They make sense. Baggy shorts

don't make sense. When boxers, when you see a boxer in the ring, he has baggy shorts on, you can't move in those things. When at the gym, I get it. People are going to look, but you got to flex them quads, have the ass cheeks out the back, maybe even a little nut slide out the front when you're on the bench. No one gives a fuck.

It's functional, looks good. Chicks actually dig it more than the baggier ones. There's a tip for you fucks out there. Okay. You just need to get to a gym. I don't give a fuck what you wear, Theo. Spandex, short shorts, your mom's dress. I don't give a fuck.

Just get a membership at 24 Hour Fitness or Gold's Gym. You are mean. And show them your asshole. And I'm not going to a gym that's open 24 hours and people are only there about 12 hours. True. So you're employing people, doing all this bullshit. It's chaos. Wasting fucking air conditioning. And I'm not going to a gym that's open 24 hours and people are only there about 12 hours. True. So you're employing people, doing all this bullshit.

It's chaos. Wasting fucking air conditioning. Just bad idea. I'll say this, brother. Short shorts. Look, I love the John Stockton. If you're Johnson Stockton, you feel me? Word.

If you got that fucking big heater. The hitter. Then, dude, let that bitch hang out, bro. You got that tremor in your shorts? Dude, sometimes I don't even do shorts. I just do the fucking waistband only and just dick out the bottom of it. Me too, bro. It's my fave. That's that American, bro.

Let that dick perilous sail, bro. Oh, bro, that's the fucking devil's egret, you know? And that's how you got to do it, bro. It's an endangered species. I call it the devil's T-bone. I call it the devil's T-bone. Look, one of these days, somebody's going to bomb California and New York, and the rest of us are going to really fucking party.

You feel me? Yeah, I guess, man. So are you into short shorts or not? Not bad, man. I'm going to say King. Are you trying to recruit ISIS on the show now? I don't know what's going on here, bro. I hate ISIS, bro.

Well, it doesn't sound like it. It sounds like you're pretty favorable for it. I have a poster in my fucking room that says I hate ISIS. Well, your hair says different. Your fucking haircut says different. I see that haircut, I think ISIS. Really? Yeah.

Really? You think ISIS has nice hair? Nice? No, I think they have that hair. Oh my God, dude. I think ISIS has that great clips cut. Your hair looks like it's filed a claim with the BP oil spill, okay? That shit looks like it has a fucking hurt pigeon in it.

Get your shit together. Yeah, your shit looks like an insurance claim. Get your fucking life together. I'm going to say king it, bro. The shorter the shorts, the better. I want to see that fucking cop. Me too. Get the mass cheeks out the back.

King it. Sweet. That does it for this week's King It or Sting It. And we're switching it up this week. The next segment is going to be Sweeping the Nation, Flant My Aunt. Oh, get your motherfucking aunts out. And he wanted, Brendan wanted to call it Smother My Brother, dude. And it was about where they put cheese on a black guy.

And I'm like, that's not how you do it. Well, that wasn't Smother My Brother. No, dude. Oh, no. It's where you looked at people's siblings sorry so pretty much i read the wrong line number one from melissa lamb alissa lamb melissa lamb well goddamn girl she got those dimples huh hell yeah them deep dimples and then heartbreak eyes doesn't she oh she got She got that Addams Family vibe going on. That's somebody's aunt from the 40s? Why is it black and white? First of all, don't

send your aunt in black and white, bro. She has the skinniest neck ever and some great teeth. Okay? And eyes. But she's giving that Addams Family vibe off. That is a very alarming... The girth of the neck is very alarming. Tiny little neck, right?

Yeah. There almost should be some nuts at the bottom of her neck, it seems like. Very alarming neck girth. I will say this. It's almost like an ankle. R.I.P. Obviously, this picture's from the 30s or something, and the woman looks like about 21 then. Yeah.

Beautiful lady. Deep dimples, though. You know what I'm saying? Deep, deep dimples. I mean, those things definitely, you could pool a little bit of, you know. You'm saying deep deep dimples the kind of i mean those things definitely you could pull a little bit of you know you could hide some ranch in those things oh you could definitely that's the oh those are fucking little dipping craters bro nice teeth two eyes um especially for teeth in the 30s oh that's fucking good but very small like i did it

with a small head bro oh the worst like i called the beetlejuice head bro it was crazy sometimes when i would kiss her i could almost put both of my hands around oh no she's stupid she has the brain the size of a fucking brontosaurus she was kind of smart no well but i'm gonna say flo my what's this lady's name malga zealand's at so we don't have the aunt's name it's from melissa they? I don't know where New Zealand's at. We don't have the aunt's name. It's from Melissa. They didn't even have names back then. That's unfortunate. No, she's just female number one.

Aunt Dolly. Aunt Dolly. Dolly, hey, okay. If you're going to flaunt your aunt, she can't be from the 20s. Yeah, she can't. No, she can't, bro. In black and white. Now, she's a dying piece. She's a dying piece.

I'd like to know the story behind her. She died of typhoid, bro. She died of probably Something very rare She probably died Of the black plague In the 20s Dude they didn't have

The black plague Nope your mom tore That page out of your book In homeschooling They did have it Did they really Yeah What was it

Who was it It was a bunch of people Who had it Really Yep Bunch of people died From it bro And it could have been

That way You know how they got it Fucking rats bitch That's how Word Fucking roll That's how. Word. Fucking roll. That's true, bro. Not the bees.

Let's roll, bro. Number two, sent in from Will Brett. It's his uncle Cameron. Oh, gosh. Ooh. Whoa. And that's alcohol. Zoom out.

That's alcoholism. Is he having a stroke? It looks like he's having a stroke with his face looped down to the side like that, his neck super tight. And he's making a fist. You know what I'm saying? So it looks like he's in a little bit of a struggle city. Bro, he seems like a good guy. He's indoors.

There's a woman in the background that looks like she cares about him or she's packing her shit up. I can't tell. No, that's a trailer part. It's not a trailer, bro. Yeah, that's a trailer, bro, if I've ever seen one. It looks very narrow, woods on the side. There's an old school picture behind it then he has a christmas hat on and only assholes wear fucking sunglasses indoors okay i'll agree with that this guy obviously

graduated i think from clemson or one of those schools you think he seemed like a he's obviously rushed tke or something no he looks like a south carolina game cop yeah he does okay yeah he's a game cock so he definitely seems like he yeah he rushed a fraternity he has an open bottle of champagne indoors looks like he's wearing shorts he has a woman in the distance with the with a more manly haircut than him definitely making food he looks like the type of dude has walnuts in his pocket then he's the uncle walnut oh he definitely looks like he looks like he gives the dude that has walnuts in his pocket. He's the Uncle Walnut. Oh, he definitely looks like he gives the shittiest Christmas gifts ever.

Oh, he'll pull a couple of fucking honey roasted out. A couple of honey roasted fucking almonds. He looks like he'll give you a blanket on your birthday. Yeah, he does look like that. He's that type of uncle. He's married, though. He has on a wedding ring. That's Auntie Flora in the back, his lovely wife. That's Auntie Flora.

So they're from another country. This guy could be Dutch. This guy does look Dutch, actually. Dude, does she have sunglasses on, too? Because that's very fucking German. Very aerodynamic. You know, the Dutch are very aerodynamic. Look at them next time.

Germans are, too, though. Measure one cheek to the other, four and a half inches at most. That's why they're so fast. Oh, downhill. They call them the Dutch, the downhill people. What's his hat say? It says Christmas on the hat. And he also looks like he has one eyebrow.

Yeah, and how fucking dumb do you have to be, honestly, even though he seems like a really great guy, how dumb do you have to be to wear a Santa hat and then write Christmas on the front of it? Yeah, I know. We get it. Oh, no, I thought it was from the fucking summer, Uncle Ed, or whatever the fuck your name is.

Yeah, I thought you just wore a white hat with a red top and a little white cotton ball on the end. Good thing you put Christmas on it because I thought you got it in Jamaica, you fuck. Let me see the ant back there. No woman, no cry. No woman, no cry. No calendar, no cry. This guy doesn't know when fucking Christmas is. Oh, she's making sloppy joes in the back.

That switches everything up. It looks like Aunt Jemima back there making them sloppy joes, maybe a gingerbread cookie of some sort. Yeah, she has glasses on too. Everyone wears glasses. Look at the shittiest artwork of all time behind them though. Jesus Christ. That's an aquarium, you idiot.

That's not artwork. God damn, your mom ripped that page out of the textbook too it's not aquarium you fuck you think a tank of water is a fucking drawing you're an idiot that's a trailer park if i've ever seen one stroke it looks like the people in the back are making sandwiches and don't give a fuck he's having a stroke they're making sloppy joes he has one eyebrow that's it yeah dude what else we got hey fuck this dude bro fuck your uncle bro i think he seems like a great guy and he seemed like an outgoing guy but also man fucking That's it. Yeah, dude. What else we got? Hey, fuck this dude, bro. Fuck your uncle, bro. I think he seems like a great guy, and he seems like an outgoing guy, but also, man, fucking because he has a hat on.

Yeah. A Santa hat that says Christmas on the front. It's insulting. It's insulting. I think he definitely gets too drunk at holidays. He's like, fun uncle, but then all of a sudden people count it up, and he's had four bottles of wine. Dude, if your uncle's wearing sunglasses indoors, fuck off.

Yeah, your uncle fucking, your uncle Moet. Fuck that dude. This is Corey Schall. He sent in his lovely 75-year-old mother. Oh, damn, she's dressed nice. She looks like she's fresh off the Titanic survivor, Titanic survivor deal. Watch her fucking P's and Q's. She went through a lot.

Oh, I know she did, man. It's hard to, my thing would be, I'd fucking swim down and q's she went through a lot oh i know she did man it's hard to uh my thing would be i'd fucking swim down and steal some of the silverware i'd die too bro i'd go and get some of that jewelry for the host hell yeah i get that them diamonds she looks like she got some of those diamonds she looks pleasant but she you know what i don't know she was on titanic she looks more like she'd be in a submarine. I get a submarine vibe from her. Really? Yeah. This kind of whole captain's outfit could be Scientology. I don't know. It's Scientology. So just so you know how letters and their conjunctions work. But I'm going to say this. This lady is wearing a shirt that has seven buttons on the front.

Well, one's on button though. True. But she obviously ain't giving out a lot of that titty bread, if you know what I'm saying. Yeah, she has a couple. Ser out a lot of that titty bread if you know what i'm saying she's serving many slices of that tb no she has a couple one two graham cracker titty bread brother because if you got seven buttons on your shirt who the hell am i how i'm even getting your shirt this fucking you think i am agatha christie how i'm gonna get your fucking shirt off i'm encyclopedia buttons i can't fucking magic bro also a bunch of books behind her a lot of books reading so this lady obviously is kind of a wordsmith or educated yeah so she's obviously going to tell you what she feels about things looks like she binges on jeopardy and you have to pretend like you care if you guys want to continue to have a relationship yeah if you

have a relationship with uh whatever the fuck i'll say this you're gonna have to eat graham crackers and watch tons of jeopardy oh yeah and now sucked off well and also she could not suck you off if she wants to and just have a couple of graham crackers because that gets old night after night i don't know they have so many episodes of jeopardy you couldn't watch them all before you died it's on netflix i think she's attractive i'll say that she. As an older lady? And that doesn't look like a wig either. That ain't a wig, brother.

No, that's real, baby. You know? Now, that is a wig you could grow out of. If I grew my butt hair out for about 14 months, I bet I could fucking... It's that gray? Oh, I could sprout that top. Oh, damn. Yeah.

And she has a beautiful smile. I'll say this, man. Dude, her teeth, too. Are those real? Zoom in on them teeth. Zoom in on them chiclets from the 1600s. Now, I will say this. She also could be a vampire.

She is in a- Ah, good point. She's in a library. She's not looking directly at the camera. Who knows if she can see? Dude, and is that real light? Because usually vampires die in the light. That's a good point.

Interview with a vampire right here. Ooh, they do look a little sharp. And you know what? Now I look at it, it's kind of creepy. Well, that posture, her posture is too good. I like some posture, but you know. I need a little bit of a hump. Yeah, I need a lady to slouch down near this crotch once in a while.

Yeah, bro. Like take it easy because she looks a little uptight right now. And this is, to your point, vampire. Yeah, I'd throw a couple of quaaludes in grandma here. You know what I'm saying? And take her out. I'll take her out for a slice of pepperoni pizza. Would you really?

Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah, grandma's like that, bro. I'd probably stay at the house and cook me up a couple slices of that titty bread, boy. Oh, you're trying to make some s'mores. Get the graham crackers out in her teeth. Oh, that fucking French toast, son. Oh, all right. bread boy oh you're trying to make some s'mores get the graham crackers out in her teeth oh that fucking french toast son oh all right that grandma's french toast i love it boy so i i i

flaunt her she looks like she makes the meanest hash browns of all time i flaunt this lady too i'm gonna say bitch this lady that's a fine young woman from the 1600s dude nobody thinks you treat women well so let's go to the next one. That's actually the last one for Flop My Aunt. It's debate club time. Bro, could you imagine if you and I were in a contest for brains? You mean like a spelling bee? Yeah, dude, yeah.

Yeah, I can. You would get roasted. Your mom's heart would be broken. All the years she put in you in homeschool, and you fucking failed the first one. Spell chair, Theo. Dude, how many letters in the alphabet do you think, if you had to guess? How many do you think?

Huh? How many do you think? How many did your mom tell you? I know how many. Well, I need to know how many your mom told you. I know, bro. Did she tell you 26? Uh-uh. Or did she tell you, bro. Did she tell you 26? Uh-uh.

Or did she tell you 39? Or did she tell you seven? It's 24, you idiot. Did she tell you seven? No, she didn't tell me seven. All right, what do we got? Debate Club. All right, welcome to Debate Club.

That was your bullshit in my throat. Welcome to Debate Club. Now, on this part of the show, we each get a buzzer. So this is what... DJ, DJ, clue, clue, clue. That's that New York shit. I flew this in from DJ Envy. Did you really?

Yeah, bro. So you know who has that aggravating... Don't fucking touch me, you idiot. We need a fucking bigger table wider you know whose buzzer that is not mine because somebody sounds like they uh have been smoking grams of spring break their whole life yeah bro that mtv spring break yeah there you go cancun yeah why don't you fucking pull carson daly yeah paulie shore pull Pull Steve-O out of your ass And get your fucking life together

I'm gonna say this right here This is my buzzer So you know who means business Alright That shit is so weak Budget cuts Buying this from New York Just pick up Theo

Dude this thing is sad. Hold up. Yeah. Hit it. Oh, my God. That shit is so fresh. And then I do this. Your buzzer's the blockbuster of buzzers.

This is Netflix. Your buzzer sounds like women are getting sexually abused in the background. Really? Yeah. It sounds like an are getting sexually abused in the background. Really? Yeah. It sounds like an awesome time. It's true. It depends on if you're in international waters. All right.

Let's take this to another level here. Let's see how about debate club. What's up? What's the first one? From Samir Diab. Oh, wow. Someone. What's going on, Theo?

Gang, gang, baby. Gang boy. Brendan, you comedic fucking savage. Oh, wow. What's going on, Theo? Gang gang, baby. Brendan, you comedic fucking savage. I got a quick debate for you guys. Would you rather get stung in the mouth by a wasp or a bee or would you rather get bit on the dick by a rat?

Loving the show, guys. Keep up the great work. Looking forward to your debate. The great work? Has to your debate the great work has this guy ever been employed in his life there's no way this could be considered great work yeah it depends um i think god damn yeah well you're gonna have to side with the fucking rat i'm no the rats that i work with the rats that i employ don't bite people in the day you pull their teeth out huh pull their teeth out no i don't let them gum around somebody's cock either dude also how's a rat gonna get to your dick that's besides the point uh you sure on the streets and stuff rats

get it's those san francisco rats are thirsty for dick oh dude i was just there dude i was fending rats off all day really all day, sounds like my boys did their job. Fuck y'all rats. I'll say this. I'll go with stung in the mouth by a bee just because, I mean, yeah, a rat really thinking, if you think about a rat, a mouse could get up your pant leg. A rat could, but there's not, a rat is bigger. So a rat isn't going to be able to get up your pant leg. Dude, a rat can bite through your shitty pants right into your cock.

A rat can chew through fucking glass. They can chew through wire. They can chew through houses. Educate yourself on rats, bro. You're supposed to be the rat king. Yeah. Glass rats. You ever seen a rat break into a bank glass rats are you ever seen a rat sure buddy

break into a bank huh you never seen the rat the eagle boys you idiot that's duck tales right you you're fucking right i can think the nature channel god is animated you're out of your mind i'm gonna say this rats are they're they're not fucking around with some dude's dick we got bigger fish to fry brother we have huge issues in the world that rats are helping then you haven't been in san francisco and rats are the bees of the gutter bro bees they do things they come over here they you know pick up somebody's semen put it in a flower rats do that shit on the dl in the depths of the fucking earth where it matters most they're the dark web animal aren't they they are they're the dark web animal rats are the dark web of animals dude they're satan's fucking bumblebees and i'll say this as well i'll fucking sting i'll fucking that's what i think about this dude's

question bums me out uh i'll take uh i'm gonna i would much rather have a hornate or a bee sting the fuck out of my mouth than have a rat chew on my fucking cock. Yeah, why don't you fucking go to a wedding in Tijuana? Dude, we both agree. I think we'd both rather have a bee sting our mouth than have a rat bite off the head of my dick. Right. So do we even hit these buzzers? Yeah, might as well.

That's it. What else you got? Jesus, your buzzer sucks. Number two is from Daniel Schumacher from Bucksnort, Tennessee. Never heard of it. Oh, Bucksnort, dude? Fake place.

Oh, yeah. Fake place. Great place to have your heart stop from huffing fucking yay straight up your snout. What does he want to know? Is that where your aunt's from or what? Huh?

Dude, I'm sure I got family in Bucksnort.'s up brandon view uh coming to you from buckstar tennessee uh i gotta be quiet because i'm hiding out in the bathroom at work but i gotta know seems scary hot wheels or micro machines big issue please settle it all right bye don't fucking touch me bro might need a new job bro i need a new job if you go to the bathroom to ask a simple question Big issue. Please settle in. All right. Bye. Don't fucking touch me, bro. Might need a new job, bro. Might need a new job if you go to the bathroom and ask a simple question. Well... Especially about Hot Wheels and Macro Machines.

I can't believe it's this big of an issue in his life, but I'll say this. Thank you, young fella, for submitting the question. Get a new job, though. Yeah, get a new job. Did you know how hard it is to... If you have to go to those extremes to just ask a simple question about hot wheels or micro machines i think you worked in north korea yeah or tight just tighten up your overall experience with the world because it seemed

like you don't know that you can just ask questions anywhere else yeah tighten up in life yeah yeah but that being said now with that being said as a kid i know you played with rocks and fucking empty cans yeah so as a kid like me i had all the micro machines did you all the micro machines yeah nothing looks cooler than a big idiot with a bunch of little cars dude you played with rocks and dead batteries so take a hike when we're talking about toys yeah you couldn't afford them bro yeah live batteries you idiot and a lot of and some of those rocks were geodes and also have value well you idiot whatever dude this one's pretty easy uh micro machines over hot wheels they're smaller or detailed hot wheels more detailed and they don't make them anymore yeah because they went out of business

because about 11 kids choked to death on them okay tiny you can choke i'm talking about a real toy that hot wheel something you could get you know i'm saying you could roll that bitch right through some dog shit if you found something in the yard you know what i'm saying hot wheel you could slide that thing across the counter and it would keep going dude a hot wheel was nice some of the nicest cars in our neighborhood were fucking hot wheels and i'll say this dude a hot wheel i mean you could sleep with a Hot Wheel in your bed. A micro machine, you wake up, your fucking little cousin's dead. It's in your neck.

It's in your ear. Oh, that thing's crazy. You lose it in your dick hole. They're tiny, bro. You don't do anything like that. But I will say this. This is a true story. I once heard that John Mayer used to put microachine cars into Jessica Simpson's butt.

That's what I heard. Oh, that makes him so much cooler. Back to you. It always comes around. Back to you. Are you doing Stevie Wonder? Why are your eyes closed? I'm not getting no more dream bath.

Your mouth is disgusting. Yeah, well, I didn't get to brush because I had to fucking be here early. Jesus Christ. Okay, now all of a sudden I have a wife to brush because I had to fucking be here early. Jesus Christ. Okay, now all of us have a wife to help take care of us, you idiot. You have the lips of an 80-year-old, bro. Yeah, you're a freaking Dumbledore. What was the question? Oh, I'm going to side with Theo on this Hot Wheels.

There you go. Give it up, boy. Sweet. Number three from Leon Watkin. Brother, huh? Rat King and that big bumblebee, Brendan Schaub. I've seen this kid on my show. Got kid in my shirt when Theo came through to Lexington We talked about giving acid to disabled kids, but I was just wondering we didn't know you did

I personally think Shawn Michaels cuz that motherfucking super kick Gang gang. Hope y'all come to Lexington soon. I was just in Lexington and yes, I did remember but that guy was in the front row and he was on drugs and um and he seemed like a nice guy and you were talking about giving acid to disabled people that's good that's good deal i said some drugs could help some people who have mental disabilities open their minds yes all right no problem with that open their mind he said there was a kid with autism down the street that he was trying to fucking sneak a hit of acid into his butt.

I'm like, that's different than what I'm thinking about. Yeah, that's not what I was going with. But gang, gang, brother, good to see you, man. Buzz, buzz. And I hope you finish school. Brett Michaels or, what was it? Brett Michaels or who? Bret Hart or Shawn Michaels.

Oh, dude. Shawn Michaels, dude? First of all. Look at the tits on him there sean michaels uh sang um one of the best songs ever oh cool did he fantastic yeah dude brett the hit man fucking heart some say he's the best wrestler of all time he fell off the fucking superdome and broke his back uh so well first of all his brother fell off and died you asshole for for reals died i'm sorry you fuck the other thing is is brett the hitman heart

runs calgary and i went up there for comedy i had to get really the okay from brett the hitman heart to even come into his goddamn city really runs i love calgary yeah no don't backtrack now so then he gets to my calgary show all all sweats, didn't dress up, kind of pissed me off, right? Does he still look pretty healthy? Yeah, pretty healthy. Had a dime piece girl. Did he? Yeah, super dime piece, kind of his handler, because he was a little bit out of it.

But that's an eight piece in exchange rate. Yeah, but then he came in the back and told my brother, the longest stories of all time, and wouldn't engage with anybody else. Really? Very awkward. I think he was attracted to my brother. Okay, well all time and wouldn't engage with anybody else very awkward i think he was attracted to my brother okay well i'll say this dude uh brett the hitman heart uh did he look like he used to do roids or not uh yeah man because it's wwe Look at fucking Bret Michaels' picture. That dude's on all the picograms. I'll say this, dude.

Bret Michaels, I love that movie Rock of Love. Have you seen that? Or Bus Rockba... Rock of Love? Are you talking about with Flavor Flay? Every rose has its thorn.

Oh, dude, I like Rock of Love, too. We both lie silently stealing the day or the night yeah but that's not fucking him dude that's not him for god's sakes you're thinking of the musician on rock love great show and i like the reference yeah a lot of good reference don't fucking touch me and then this is sean michaels one of the greatest wrestlers oh okay i'm thinking of the different guy i'm gonna rock a lot of bucks when he dated that girl diamond or what was that other girl that stripper oh you're talking about uh you're talking about uh nickel i think her name is about hoops yeah she was good one of them named scoop she's she would always poop in her

buddy's yard i'm gonna say this man this is the man you're talking about right here yeah beautiful hair sean michaels is his name yes sir i like him i like him they're both legends yeah i'll give in because i don't even know who uh bret hart bro yeah bret bret bret calgary's finest finest finest oh god i think bret michaels won that round yeah he was dude he he fucking made hit songs then he wore a bandana and and who could fuck 30 women without a bandana falling off? He fucked all them girls on Rock and Roll. First of all, fucked all of them, which I celebrated.

But then what's his most famous song? Every rose has its thorn. Yeah. Every thorn. Dude, why do you close your eyes like Stevie Wonder? He doesn't seem like it. Because I have soul, you idiot. No, you don't. You close your eyes like Stevie Wonder? He doesn't seem like that. Because I have soul, you idiot. No, you don't.

You look like you have Tourette's. Yeah, Tourette's is basically soul in disguise. You don't know anything about science. Can we get something else, please? Because I can't sit here and listen to you. You don't know shit about the world. The last one from Jackie Childs. Oh, an Asian.

What up, Beastin' King and the Rat King? I got a question for you guys this one's in honor of brendan shub for being a great male model thanks bro street fighter buzz buzz or mortal combat oh which one's better oh shit oh shit that's like debating lebron james and michael jordan two of the greatest video games of all time and as a kid my daycare was video games really yeah i know you used to watch from the windows because you couldn't you know what you couldn't just play them yeah you didn't have money in the arcade that was my daycare bro and i fucking loved mortal combat mortal dude sub-zero scorpion people had guru yeah people had electricity in their hands that's a lie

okay first of all street fighter people there are actually fighting in a place where you can learn Yeah, people had electricity in their hands. That's a lie. Okay. First of all, Street Fighter. People are actually fighting in a place where you can learn something. Streets. People are different ethnicities. They had China. Dude, wrong. They had China ladies.

Street Fighter was racist. They had green boys. The only Asians was Chun-Li and E-Honda. And Ryu and Ken, they were supposed to, well, Ryu's supposed to be Japan, Japanese. Yeah, that's Asian. Well, he go, Holodukin! But he was white as fuck. Yeah, because he transferred. And they looked the same.

He transferred, you freak. And then how about Guile? His family moved there. Guile? Guile, the American, the goddamn American. Yeah. You and him dressed very similar. Well, Guile obviously has style. And I'll say this, that the, what about the green animal they let hang out with them?

The guy, the vegetarian. Is that Barack Obama? Yeah, Barack Obama. Yeah, Barack Obama. Whatever that guy's name was. And they also had the black guy who could levitate. Who was that? Oh, you're talking about the yoga, the yogi.

Yes. Dalsim? Dalsim, yeah. Dalsim. And then they also had the boxer that was clearly Mike Tyson. Bucko. Dude, give me the whole... Let me see the whole fucking roster.

Because Mortal Kombat brought the... Dude, Zangief, the Russian spy? Yeah. He was dope. Zangief. Chun-Li, E-Honda, Ryu, Ken... Chun-Li fucked my buddy. ...Gael.

My buddy and her fucked. Zangief looks like a pop off in that ass. Dude, Wreck-It Ralph hurt his honestly fucks dudes, bro. Oh, dude, that's right. Zangief was in Wreck-It Ralph. Give it up, dude. Give it up, bro. Was he?

Yeah, don't fucking touch me. I'm not touching you. Who else did they have? Huh? Who cares, dude? You've named nothing about Mortal Kombat. Obviously, you're giving an excuse. Dude, so Mortal Kombat, you got Guru.

You got Scorpion. Nobody knows who that is. Mortal Kombat, you got Guru. You got Scorpion. Nobody knows who that is. You got Sub-Zero. You got Sonya. You got, how about Finish Him? Sonya? Finish Him. That works at the mall.

Goro. Reptile. Sonya Blade. Sonya that works at Marble Slab Creamery. How about Jackson? Kentaro. All right? Jackson?

How about the finishing moves? Finish Him. You got Kung Lao. You got kong smoke the lizard dude the lizard dude the guy we used to buy drugs from in high school dude i'll tell you this though this whole how about johnny cage how about raiden was racist raiden looked like chin and it was fucked up i I thought, the entire time. He's from Korea. Is he? Or is that just a stereotype? Who knows? Exactly.

You know what? Sub-zero. That shit is horrible. Look at those outfits. Dude, it's mocking. It's mocking. Yeah. It looked like Chinese people from space.

Looks like Big Trouble in Little China. Yeah, I quit this, man. Yeah, you know what? I'm going to go with Street Fighter. There you go. Submit. Submission. Finish him. him yeah get over here you don't know shit about that that's how you met your wife it sounds like bro you gotta get over yeah you need to go to some places and really get some

help is that it dude yeah i think you won i i think you want to convince me on street fighter mortal combat i was a hardcore mortal combat fan and he did it were you thank you brother and at the close today i want to say that uh you know i know we rip each other a lot uh in this place because brennan deserves it and he would never hear uh any truth about himself if he didn't listen to someone who knows stuff like me. But you can't read, so it doesn't bother me. Yeah. You don't know what reading is.

Do you think it's looking at a book? You still color in your off time. You use coloring books, so it doesn't bother me. Yeah. You thought there were- You're stupid. Two rivers in the world. Correct.

The Nile and the Colorado. Because that's all that matters. All right? Sure, guy. You don't know about aquifers or anything. You thought because she said, I'm in New Zealand, she's from there. Yeah. And it was a white girl with freckles everywhere.

Yeah. We traded her, bro. No. There's no trading. Well, look, what I'm trying to do here is for 30 seconds, I'm going to say something nice about Brendan as we close out the show today. So my 30 seconds starts now. Brandon Shan, you seem...

Not my name, bro. Okay. Sorry. Barry. You seem like... Not my name, bro. Okay. Bertus.

Not my name, bro. Okay. Brandon Shan. Nope. Brandon Shan. All right. Go. Nope. Brandon Schaum. All right, go. You seem like a decent guy. I'm done.

Oh, wow. Okay. 30 seconds. Well, now it's my turn. DJ Rat King, Rat King. You seem like the type of dude who would rent a van and give kids rides after school. Thank you. And I can approve that, and I think it's nice of you.

Thank you. And you also smell like hummus in studio, so that's nice as well. It's a snack. Yep, it's a delicious snack. He's saying I'm a snack. You are a snacky. It is. And I'll say this about BS over here, that he's probably one of the top 60 or 70 people i've

met in the past couple years he is he lives locally he you know if you talk to him he can talk and he uh you know he's very outgoing i'll say that oh i like that my turn uh the one thing about theo his initials are TV. So that's kind of cool. So his friends call him TV. Yeah. Yeah, that's probably the best thing about you. And his are BS, dude.

BS, bro. So his friends call him bullshit. Yeah, and yours is TV. Yeah, way better than yours, dude. TV? You shouldn't have started this argument, bro. Well, this is an argument. I was giving you a compliment.

You were? Fuck. You're a fucking idiot. You fucking idiot. I'm going to leave. I got to be somewhere else anyway. Yeah, get the fuck out of argument. I was giving you a compliment. You were? Fuck. You're a fucking idiot. You're a fucking idiot. I'm going to leave. I got to be somewhere else anyway. Yeah, get the fuck out of here. I am.

I'm trying to leave. Thank you guys for watching. Send your submissions to the link in the YouTube description. You guys are killing it for us. This show doesn't happen without the fans and their submissions. With flaunt your aunt. If you want to be featured on Rip. Gang, gang.

Gang, gang. Gang, gang. Buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz. without the fans and their submissions with flaunt your aunt if you want to be featured buzz buzz buzz buzz if you want to be featured on rip your drip go ahead and post that outfit of the day let me and theo peep it out yeah send in something if you're wearing something nice or you're doing something you headed to a special event funeral birthday party outdoors indoors bar mitzvah yeah something do something and let us go into the movies yeah says the picture your outfit yeah we'll tell you what we think maybe you got a big date you want us to give you some help send it in bro yeah rip my drip also flaunt your aunt don't send any more pictures from the 50s that's not fun for us sending some deals looking for a date and she's dead it don't work sending some real legit bitches and dudes for him

you don't care tell him bro um tell him bro i'll take a look we'll do well now we'll allow women and gay men or bisexual men i don't think we should go to all the way to flaunt my aunt as a man not me neither so and good luck to uh anthony smith out there yeah he done fight for a while so makes zero sense and let's end with your stupid ass comics then fight for weeks okay but let's wish him luck anyways you think weeks is a long while uh we're talking months we're talking months bro in months it was just your ears can be down to your ass crack dude that's a long time for you oh my god you don you need to get calendars for dummies. You need a calendar. I have a calendar. Your mom just every day put

Monday. She didn't want to bum you out. That's it. This is the sting of the king.