The Golden Hour - Episode 41: Repurposed Hair

Episode Date: October 17, 2019

Theo got his hair did and the guys talk Love for Filipinos, Orange Chicken Bitches, Loud Mimes, Exotic Pets, Dirty Fritos, Good Will Haunting, Jason Airborne Ilness, White Guys with Black Names and much more.Hims - https://forhims.com/katsManscaped - https://manscaped.com offer code: KATSMyBookie - https://mybookie.ag offer code: KATSAudible - https://audible.com/kats or text KATS to 500-500See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

And just out of sheer excitement, got her number, ran, jumped over a chain link fence. I was like, oh, I got this. I'm going to impress her with a trick. Adrenaline. Adrenaline. Adrenaline was pumping. Oh, dude. All adrenaline.

I've been there. Dude, I remember my mouth just filling with adrenaline just spitting in the yard as I ran. Yeah. So I get to the fence, dude. I go up Jimmy Snuka style to go over it, cut my stomach and arm open. So then my buddies are like dude every oh we were we'd been on mushrooms we've been gotten some mushrooms locally how old were you uh maybe 16 i think okay fair enough so next thing you know i'm bleeding all over my buddy's like

dude you need to suck the blood out of your arm i appreciate that stays in your body so you don't bleed out you know that was the thought back in the day, wasn't it? True blood style. Yep. And so anyway, I started getting sick and I drank a decent amount of my own blood. Well, we went back to my buddy's house. I was like, guys, I'm feeling real tired. I think I'm gonna go to sleep. And they're like, yeah, man, go get some rest. Right. Soon as I turned around the corner to go sleep, I stayed and listened because I wasn't really sure if I should be going to sleep. And I was like, are my buddies really being supportive? And they all are like, started laughing like, damn, that dude's about to die, bro. Oh, wow. I was like, what the fuck?

Not very good friends. Bro came right around the corner. I was like, what the fuck, dudes? Yeah. Bad friends, bro. You don't let me die, dude? Take me to the emergency room, you creeps. Ah, kids.

Yeah. That's what it was. It was just kids. Just kids being kids. Yeah, he'll die. He'll be back next year. He'll be all right. We'll bring him back.

Dude, you got to, you decide to get. So explain the procedure. They take hair from the back and put it in the front. Yeah, people love the mullet so much. I love that long, that European style. I figured I'd get a little bit in the front. Okay. Oh, you're going to go full long.

Well, that's what they do. No, they take the back and they put it in the front. So basically I have mullet in the front. It just hasn't grown in yet. So it's just the seeds now they planted in there. The thing is, you're not losing your hair, though. But I don't want to. You know what I'm saying?

But it hasn't even started. But if you want to play from behind your whole life, you can do that, Brendan. If you want to get ahead, you can do that. I see what you're doing. You're in that prevent defense right now. Oh, dude. Can you imagine you bald? I'm running the ball, bro.

You're passing, bro. I'm fucking passing with fucking. Oh, dude. What's up, bro? He's shaking it. Oh, I saw a couple fall when you shook. No, hell no, bro. I did, dude.

You're really worried about going bald. Is there baldness in your family? Your mom bald? Nope. No, my mom's not bald, dude. You think my mom works at the VFW, dude, and she's a bartender there? No, she's not a bald lady, bro. I have no idea, bro.

You think one of those ladies from the 60s that parted her hair so hard that it keeps just parting? Just fell down to the side. You ever meet one of those girls? There's like a three-inch part in the middle now. It's like, how about you do it maybe parted in a different way? Nothing's better than Blackbeard when they're

going bald, but they still do the cornrows so it starts from back hair. Oh, yeah. That's a small crop. Hell yeah. It's more share cropping at that point. It's definitely not. You're not running a full crop. But you got a full set of hair on you, man. You're worried about it. I just want to keep it.

You know, I like having hair in it. Does it hurt when they do it? Well, dude, we advertise for it all the time on here. You know, we're telling people, you know. Hems. Yeah, don't lose, we're telling people, you know. Hems? Yeah, don't lose your hair. Why start, you know. So, yeah. So, just take hems instead of doing a procedure.

Well, I take minoxidils. That's what I take. Word. But, anyway. Well. Looking good today, man. Ready. You feel good?

Oh, by next summer. By next summer, I'm going to have nice, I'll have hair like Derek's kind of. Kind of repurposed hair. How are you doing with your hair, D? Loving it. Yeah? I'm going to go let it just go. You're just going to keep growing it out?

Let it go crazy. You don't think it should go bald? I mean, I will at some point. No, you won't. Don't be like that. If that's your attitude, then yeah, you will. You know your hair here is you tall. I mean, that's why it's probably, he's doing this, you know?

But yeah, I'm going to fucking let it grow crazy and just see how crazy you can get for like the last couple of times that this, I can do this. You're gonna try and look like Ludacris? Remember when Luda first came out? Yo, that was the look. That was the original Luda when his hair was like out to here. Chicken and beer Luda. Crazy motherfucker named Luda. Remember that?

Remember him? Yeah, I think I remember. Luda's had the same beat in every single song forever, dude. Nobody's written one beat more than Ludacris, I don't think. Nelly's up there. Yeah, that's true. Nelly's getting close. See, I don't know that Luda.

This is Fast and Furious Luda here. That's millionaire Luda. I like the come up Luda. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, give me cheaper Luda. Yeah. That's what he's making that ATL fire, bro. Yeah, give me cheaper Luda. Give me Luda. That's what he's making that 18 on fire, bro.

Hit the picture with the green right there. That's the fucking picture. Whoa, dude. That's a Luda, yeah. That's the Luda I would like. That's a Luda. Kat, you look lovely today. Kat's looking really much better than Derek.

Oh, thank you. That's a compliment for sure. She's got that great Kool-Aid in her hair. Yeah, Kat dyed her hair purple. Oh, really? And what did you use to do it, Kat? Kool-Aid, actually. Are you serious?

Yeah, you bleach your hair and then you dip it in whatever color Kool-Aid you want. Look at Derek flare up when she dropped that K-A-N. Look at his mouth start watering. I didn't see that. I just saw mild excitement. You're out of your mind, Brennan. That seems real racist. Is that really what you

did? No, I went to a girl and she put regular dye in it. Oh, damn. I believe Kat. Whatever Kat says, I usually believe. She's not a liar. Huh? No, but if she wanted to be, you'd never know. You'd never know. That's what I could see. Yeah, Kat is very mysterious,

I think, you know, premeditated, I feel like. I have no idea. Are you premed? Yes. Wow. All Asians are.

Yeah. Good call. Sorry, I stepped on your joke. I didn't know we were both going to tell it though. But Brandon still doesn't even know what the joke is, but still. Do you know it?

Nope. That's awesome, dude. I was thinking about our Kool-Aid hair. I didn't hear you guys talking. Let's do this, man. Yeah, man. Let's get started, boys.

Let's get started, boy, with that Nicaragua jersey, man. Hey, some fella gave me this out there. Beautiful Ragwan, bro. Why are you wearing it? My dad's from Nicaragua. Is he? Yeah. Has a passport, American passport, second citizen. It was? Yeah. Has a passport,

American passport, second citizen. It was the U.S. God, I just don't believe that. Really? You look like a straight white boy, dude. Dude, I'm Polish-Nicaraguan, dude.

Nah, I don't know about that. Oh, I'm a fucking water baby, dude. That ain't no land animal. Somebody fucked on a boat. Yeah. Dude, Bluefields, Bluefields, Nicaragua, huh?

That's what my Latino's at. Derek, you almost look Mexican. What? Oh, hell no. He's more Mexican looking than me. Yeah, you fucking... I look the most Mexican. Yeah, dude.

You look the most white in here. No way, bro. Well, the two camera guys. Yeah, those guys seem very white. He's so white. And Derek, I don't know. Oh, good thing Chappelle's not here. Chappelle's fucking Newt Gingrich. white. And Derek. I don't know. Good thing Chappelle's not

here. Chappelle's fucking Newt Gingrich. Chappelle's Dr. Phil. Chappelle's way too white.

I can't believe it. Oh, man, I want anger problems. All right. Yeah,

Chappelle's over there with a chew toy. He's got so much anger. In between, Betsy's over there fucking chewing on a hard piece of rope over there. Whoa, buddy, be careful. You're in Nicaragua, man. A fella gave me this in Detroit and brought it to me. Or Milwaukee. That's pretty dope, man.

Pretty dope, dude. Yeah, I'm Polish Nicaraguan, man. Where are you from? When were your parents? Were you a flub Yeah, I'm Polish Nicaraguan, man. Where are you from? When were your parents from? Were you a flubber? Uh, I'm a flubber. Sorry, I'm being mean today, man. Why are you being mean, dude?

They ripped half the hair out of the back of my head. You chose to do that. Yeah, but they did it after I told them. And you paid, I bet, good money to do that as well. Not that much, man. About five grand. I mean, it's expensive, yes. That's a lot of money.

It's the most money I've ever spent on anything. Probably in one chunk. Really? And just for your hair. Yep. But dude, I want to have my hair, man. I want people to be able to pet me. It's not your thing, though.

Huh? Like, if you went bald, it, you know, might lose your act. If I went bald, what are you talking about, dude? If you and Chris lose your hair, you and Chris D'Elia, you guys are fucked. Dude, if I'm, bro, if I start losing my hair that much, I'll do your act, bro. Okay? I'll be fine with the fucking act. But if Chris and I did a bald tour, Chris and I should do a bald tour.

That would be crazy. The bald boys? Where we shave our head and do a tour. That'd be cool. People would come just to see how we look bald. Just to get pictures of your bald heads. Yeah. That would be crazy.

Who would look worse, bald, me or him, I think? Probably me. Oh, him. Him for sure. Yeah, him. He has that long face. He's got a long face. Yeah.

Maybe I'll have to get somebody to bald him in his sleep. Maybe he'll fall asleep at a farm, like a sheep farm or something. Or a lamb. Does Chris do anything to his hair? Does he do any procedures? It's looked the same since I've seen him eight years ago. Chris wouldn't tell you if he did, though, I don't think. That's why I appreciate you telling me.

Brian tried it, just didn't take. Rogan tried it, didn't take. Rogan has the Pulp Fiction. He has the scar on the back of his neck. I think Brian has a little scar, too. Yours isn't scarring, though. No, because what they'll do is they just take, like,

they used to take a whole strip and cut the strip out. Now they just take, like, every five hairs, they take one out. Technology. And I love surgery, man. Everybody knows that. Oh, did they give you painkillers for that? They put you on something, dude. I remember watching half of that movie El Camino,

and then I woke up kind of midday into a, I think it was maybe a general hospital or something. Not an actual one, but the soap opera. All right. Your telenovelas, huh? Sorry. Sorry, I thought you spoke Spanish for a second. All right, what do you got, D?

But yeah, Kat looks nice today. I will say that. You look very pretty today, Kat. Oh, I thought you spoke Spanish for a second. Alright, what do you got, D? But yeah, Cat looks nice today. I will say that. You look very pretty today, Cat. Oh, thanks, Theo. And Brennan is upset because I'm not saying he looks nice. Look. How about a little roast, my host boys? Brennan gets jealous when there's another thot in the room.

Hot girl summer's over, dude, so I'm good now. It's fuckboy fall, baby. What is it? Fuckboyfall. I ain't talking about the hair out the back of your neck's fuck boy fall, baby. What is it? Fuck boy fall. I ain't talking about the hair out the back of your neck, dog. Hey, dude. Hair in the front. From hair in the back.

Surgery in the back. Hair in the front. Let's get into it, huh? Viva la Nicaragua. Let's start a little roast, my host boys. Let's let them get back a little bit. First one. Oh, my God.

Brennan looks like the drummer of Syndrome of a Downs. Oh, damn dog. Trooper Jeff. Trooper? First of all, that's law enforcement finally doing a good job.

That's them finally doing their job. Yeah. Brennan looks like a drummer from System of a Downs. No, what is it? Syndrome of a Downs System of a Down. No, what is it? Syndrome of a Down.

Oh, man. Damn, Brendan. I feel like this a little at least, man. Oh, Brendan doesn't want to do that. Theo looks like he has patio furniture inside of his apartment. Okay. Okay, bro. That one's all right.

Yeah. That one's all right. It's wicker, bro, but you can put it anywhere you want. Wicker goes in or out. Yeah. I love this one. Brendan looks like the type of guy to sit on a popsicle and tell you what flavor it is. That's romantic.

That's from Steve O'Connor. They call him the frozen dessert whisperer. Ooh, banana cream. Was that great? Theo's the kind of guy to smell his finger after giving a wet willy. That's disgusting. From Jack Fluo. Brendan looks like he's coming out with his own line of keto corn dogs.

That'd be fucking delicious. That's a great idea. I'll take two right now. I'll take... Yeah, fuck yeah. Dude, keto corn dogs is a great idea. And bus lamps?

Bus lamps. We really need to trademark that. Dude, how do we not get a bus lamp? You gotta be able to bust into that fluid or something, you know?

Because there's something already in those. I don't know the legal... Big Brown's keto corn dogs? Oh, that's a bomb. Easy. Where can you buy a corn dog these days? From you.

Keep touching me, bro. Fuck yeah. Keep touching me, dude, on our way to Wall Street. Derek looks like a turtle who pawned his shell. Derek does look like that dude I would like Franklin if he was broke He'd pawn his shell Theo looks like Matt Damon If he was buried in Pet Sematary

That's true bro Especially with his hair dude you do look a little bit like Matt Damon I do look a little bit like Pet Sematary that's the part I thought no Matt Damon for sure oh dude goodwill haunting maybe

I definitely look like I came out of Pet Sematary Jason broke oh you guys want a couple more? No, I got... Jason airborne illness. Yeah. Let's get into

some episodes, man. Get into an episode. I think I'm good with Brendan predicting fucking popsicles over here. And selling corn dogs. And those keto corn dogs

is a great idea, man. That's a solid idea. You gotta thank that guy. All right, boys. Maybe that guy can start making them. Oh, who are these young fellas, huh? Oh, we got a little debate club. This is Hunter and Joey.

Oh, dude, hold on. What's up? I met somebody who, dude, did we do somebody who had snow in their beard one time? Snow? King in the Sting, some guy. You mean cocaine? No, no, no, regular snow. Outdoor snow from the sky.

This guy, I met a guy at the show, and I think it was the guy, remember we said his wife, he was smoking weed in the garage. He didn't know if he wanted to tell his wife. Oh, yeah. Met that guy at the show in Milwaukee. Was he cool? Yeah, he was real cool, and his wife was there. Did she have no idea still?

She was a dime, bro. I don't know. I was like, dude, go smoke, dude. I'll freaking, you know. I'll take it from here. Yeah. You go roll a doobie, I'll take it from here. Yeah, bro. I think I know. I was like, dude, go smoke, dude. I'll freaking, you know. I'll take it from here. If you go roll a doobie, I'll take it from here. I think I hear your garage door opening, bro. I'll give you a break, dude.

Take a hike for a second. Bro, they should have that service. A husband breaker. Traveling guy that goes around, gives the husband $50. Gigolos, dude. Did you ever watch Gigolos on Showtime? Uh-uh.

Oh, man. Great TV. I watched that Tito Ortiz at 30 for 30 you were in, dude. It was cool. Yeah, I saw it. Yeah, it was good. Man, that was fascinating, too. Do you know any of that story?

I don't know any of it. Crazy story, right? I can't believe how... Was fighting more savage in the beginning, or it was? Way more savage. Yeah, you could do kicks to a down a down opponent so you'll see the soccer kicks to the face. Yeah.

They could hit, they didn't show it on there but there's fights, especially those UFC 1, 2, 3 where they'd like have them down just be hitting them in the nuts.

Oh. Like grab, there's guys that reach inside and just grab dick and twist it. Oh. Can you tickle too or not?

You could. I don't know if you want to tickle fucking Chuck Liddell. Knock your teeth out. If you tickled him fucking hard and fast, boy, that would be my move, boy. Yeah, he used to be savage back in the day. Oh, I can't. Bro, watching him, it reminded me of watching a guy.

It almost like the way he moves and like. Chuck? Yeah, he's like punching and kicking at the same time. It's almost bizarre to watch. Yeah. It's so intense. I couldn't even imagine that. It's a cool story, though, huh?

Oh, it's great. You can see how he starts to get, like, those knockouts really took it to him, though. Oh, when he started getting knocked out? Yeah. That's the game.

Stick around long enough. That happens to everybody. It's fucking sad, man. Sad, right? Yeah. It was sad when he was talking about his mom and his dad, right? His dad showed up

in his title fight. Yeah. He started crying. That was tough. Yeah, dude. It's fucking, yeah, that 30 for 30 was amazing amazing i didn't mean to watch it either i just next thing you know i was watching

it and it was good yeah so i'm glad i did man but yeah it's cool to see you in there who else was in there joe rogan's was in there and who else that's it out of our friends that's it dana white used to look healthier huh he's gotten thick not like cool thick huh? He's gotten thick. Not like cool thick. No. He's gotten definitely. When you have that much money, you're just kind of like, fuck it. Yeah, gristle. He's like Wagyu now, but more. More like dry age before they cut it. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, but anyway, sorry to bring that up, but it was really interesting, man. Yeah, if you want to learn about the UFC and you don't know about it like me, that's definitely a nice piece of the history to go and see that yeah it's nuts yeah it's nuts how about when Tito started dating Jenna Jamison she was like managing him and shit yeah that's so bizarre you know how he caught her to get custody of the kids he set up cameras in his house because they were going through like it's whole legal thing and she wanted to take custody of

the kids and he's like no she's a drug addict like we're not gonna do this so they started fighting on social media so he had cameras all around the house Well, she knew it that he could watch her do stuff cuz she was like a drug addict Mm-hmm, and so she cut all the cameras right? Mm-hmm Cut all the cords and he had someone go back in there and it he left the cords cut But made it so that they were set up. Well, she thought there there were no cameras. And there's like, her kids are playing. She's like doing lines of Coke. So he got that and just took it to the court.

It was like, I'm fucking, there you go. Yeah. We got full custody of the kiddos. You can't watch a kid on Coke. You can watch a kid, but you're not going to watch them well. You know? You're going to overwatch them. Yeah.

You're a helicopter parent. Yeah, dude. Like in a real helicopter, though. Yeah. Yeah. But dude, it's funny because I saw him at the Laugh Factory last year. The day after he fought Liddell, he was handing food out at the— Good dude.

Both of them are great guys. But Tito's a really, really good dude. At the homeless thing. At the Laugh Factory and they give out food? Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah, Tito's a great guy. Yeah, great story, though.

All right, what do you got, dude? Anyway, man, let's get into this. Good to be here. We got a beautiful group of people here today. Good to see you today, man. Good to see you, brother. Let's get some debate club going. This is Hunter and Joey from Texas, boys.

What's up, Theo Vin? What's up, Brandon Shimmers? Showers. Shop. Brandon. What's up, Brandon? We got a dead pug for a debate club for you. Dead pug?

Would you rather be a sand pit or a bandit nowadays? Or would you rather be a bandit 100 years ago? We want to know what's the difference between 100 years ago and now. Who picked these two fucking garage lizards? Get Buzz Buzz, live a life on the run. And they're in their parents' garage. Look at their dad's bike in the back. Culture Coroner's office.

We want to know y'all's thoughts. So, Kat, hit me up. Kat, Drake, Derek, Nick. I love these guys, man. I think I went to the same school as these guys. Makes sense. What was the question? Their question was

trapped in the garage? Would you rather be a cop or a firefighter? But they were shit-faced. What? No, I thought they said, would you rather be abandoned today or abandoned 100 years ago? Abandoned? Abandoned. No, I thought you said abandoned. I'd rather be abandoned 100 years ago because 100 years ago, if you're abandoned,

dude, it's almost just like not being abandoned. Because everything was, you know, people didn't have as much. Some people didn't have water. But 100 years ago, if you get abandoned, you're an outlaw. You're pretty cool. If you're abandoned 100 years ago? Yeah, you're an outlaw. Wear a fucking bandana.

Start shooting from the hip. You're good. Start drinking whiskey. Yeah. Slapping girls around. That's what they did. That's true. 100 years ago, you're abandoned. Yeah, you're a pirate. You're an out did. That's true. A hundred years ago, you were abandoned.

Yeah, you're a pirate. You're an outlaw. You're like a really like, oh, what's up with this guy? You're a mystery man. Now you're abandoned. You're like on some like 1-800 poster. You're a troll on the internet. Yeah.

You just have an egg for your fucking avatar on social media. You don't want to be abandoned these days. No. You're paying to see the Joker seven times a week. You just have a podcast that you're really sad on a lot, like called This Past Weekend. If you're a bandit now, bro, it's just all medicine and bullshit, dude, and self-help. If you're a bandit in the old days, I think it inspired you. You were an original back in the day.

Yeah. Back in the day. Think about famous people that were abandoned. Peter Pan. Who else? The Kid in the day. Yeah. Back in the day. Think about famous people that were abandoned. Peter Pan. Who else? The kid from Home Alone. Okay. That happened three times.

Three times. Hey, awesome. Terrible parents. Can we acknowledge how shitty his parents were? Well, look, we've heard- Three times, you morons? We've heard- Kevin!

All right, what's going on here, dude? Kevin? By the third time, I was like, Kevin? Kevin? Dude, we've heard of helicopter parents. Those are hang glider parents, I think. Dude, those are just not parents. Nobody's doing anything over there, bro.

Dude, okay, let me think of somebody else that was abandoned. Oh, Babe Pig in the City. That's a good one. Let's have an abandoned off. Abandoned off. People, famous people that got abandoned? Or, yeah, famous, yeah, people. And that can be a loose term because babe, pig in the city.

Because you could go, babe. You could go. Peter Pan. Fievel goes west. Does Fievel abandon look up his history, Derek? Fievel goes west? Jesus Christ, dude. He was abandoned.

Wreck-It Ralph abandoned from his video game. Was he really? Yeah, they kicked him out. Had to go to another world. Hmm, who was? Abe from Oddworld? Bro, I get to go. Alright, I'm just dropping fucking abandoned facts right now Oh damn dude, yeah Bro, yeah, you know a lot of them. Justin Timberlake from NSYNC. Was he abandoned? Yep. They ditched him and look at him now No, they didn't ditch him. He left. Nick Lachey from 98 Degrees

No, he lives in Cincinnati, bro. Oh, that's abandoned. That's abandoned. That's what I'm saying. You got to vote off the island, bro. Dang, dude. Let me think of where. Fuck, dude.

You might have won the abandon off. I got nothing. Abandon off is tough, isn't it? Abandon off is tough, dude. Can you think of anything? Oh, Chuck Liddell. He got abandoned? Well, his dad abandoned him, but his mom stayed with him.

So that's not really abandoned, I guess. Whose dad's just dipped out on him? Who's abandoned? LeBron. LeBron's dad. But his mom stayed with him. It makes sense, though. He has that other stepdad now, Delonte West,

or whatever that guy's name is. LeBron, I thought his dad was Tyronn Lue. Is that who his dad is? His stepdad is. Oh, damn. We're going to fucking lose some LeBron fans. But actually, not as mean as he lost when he fucking left Cleveland for the second time, bro. Fuck him, dog.

I think that's whatever. Him talking about this fucking Chinese thing. Super fucked up. Bro, China don't give a fuck about us, dude. That was one thing that's beautiful about China. It's like, oh, y'all want to play games? Get the fuck out. Get the fuck out. We're all

set. You guys buy all our shit. We make all your shit. Get the fuck out. The NBA was like, my bad, my bad. No, no. You right, man. You right. You right. Fuck freedom of speech. Yeah. Take your ball and get the fuck out of here. That's what China said, dude. Game on, bro. And almost

made me want to be Chinese a little. Me too. It's pretty gangster. Fuck with it. Yeah. You think they'd put up with that Kaepernick bullshit? I don't know, man. He'd get voted off the island. Oh, he got abandoned.

Yeah. He did? Kaepernick got abandoned. He did? Yeah. Then the film went, we're all set. We're all set. But they had to pay him, though.

He came back and got that money. Nike's paying him. Yeah, that's true. Somebody's paying him. Oh, who else got abandoned? Man, you win the came back and got that money. Not Nike's paying him. Yeah, that's true. Somebody's paying him. Who else got abandoned? Man, you win the abandoned. Batman. Bruce Wayne.

Parents. Pearls. Bro, the abandoned. His parents got murdered. Yeah, but he's abandoned because the Joker killed his parents. Dude, I don't know, man. You're making my fucking hair plugs flare up. Okay.

When you do the gun. Bane. Bane got abandoned, too. That my fucking hair plugs flare up. Okay. When you do the gun. Bane. Bane got abandoned, too. That's my Bane, bro. That's your Bane? Yeah. Where are you at?

You think darkness is your ally? You can't do people from Lord of the Rings when we're doing Bane. Dude, you didn't think it sounded like Bane? You think darkness is your ally. I was born in the dark. You sound like fucking Lord of the Earrings, dude. You sound like a fucking

transvestite wizard. Do it again. Dude, let me see you do it. All right, dude. They said it would take about 600 years to get out of this here prison. Oh, wow. Your go-to rep from Shawshank. Dude, that's all you ever do is Morgan Freeman.

Yeah, well, it's pretty damn good, dude. And don't talk about Derek's grandfather like that, okay? You can't talk about Derek's grandfather like that. Dude, how bad was it for black America that they had to name their kid Freeman just to prove that he wasn't? Just make sure it's very clear what's going on here. No misunderstanding. No misunderstanding. He's a free man.

Yeah, this is Lawrence, don't take him from us. Isn't it crazy that they had to do that, though? When you think about that, that's crazy, man. Yeah, this is my boy Jonathan, not yours. That's crazy, man. Jonathan, not yours. That's crazy. I'm surprised you thought of a black guy named Jonathan. Oh, yeah, that's true.

Dude, that's like what I mean, yeah. Some black guys. Now, if you meet a black guy with a real white name, does it that's true. Dude, that's like what I mean. Yeah. Some black guys. Now, if you meet a black guy with a real white name, does he get kind of. That's the same thing. Instead of calling him Freeman or don't touch him, it's they give him white names. Chad. Oh, yeah. Yeah, a black guy named Chad, dude.

Bro. Nothing worse. Yeah, dude. That guy is definitely. A black guy named Nick. What are you trying to do here, man? Yeah, yeah. A black guy named Nick? What are you trying to do here, man? Yeah, yeah. A black guy named Reba?

You're like, oh, now this is really. Something's not right here, man. A black guy named Phillip? Come on, bro. Well, Phillip's not bad. I mean, Phillip. Really? Phillip?

That's such a. Phil? That's such a white name? Hey, Phil. Yeah, Phil is bad. And he just waves all the time. Yeah. That wave.

But it's also the same if you have a white guy named, like, LeCedric or something. It's like, whoa, dude. Yeah, that's frustrating. Blanquies, they call them. But there's not a lot of those, is there? There's some, though. You don't meet a lot of white guys with black names. They call them Blanquies, dude.

What's a black name, Derek? Like Ladarius? Yeah, you don't meet a lot of white Ladarius is there's a couple though is there do we need that people said we need to submit some real fucking guy white guys with black names that's what we need that's a new thing man you need it yeah name your your kid name one of your kids that you gotta get him tiger that's almost tiger not tiger yeah that's true yeah tiger yeah that's tiger and he wasn't born tiger yeah you know yeah we got to get some fucking we got to get some cooler names dude yeah we do fuck man well uh so these kids uh

yeah being uh i would say be abandoned now i would say be abandoned back in the day yeah back in the day by far. Nothing's original these days. When you're abandoned these days, you're just a troll, but then you can find other abandoned kids online. You get together, you form a group, maybe a forum, figure it out. You get on successful people. Yep, and that's this past weekend.

It's every Monday. It goes out every Monday. So make sure to check it out, man. What do you guys think? I know these guys called you out. A couple white guys in a garage called you out. I know it's tempting to look them up and maybe see what they're about. I mean, I think that's my demographic, white guys in basements.

Makes sense. Nothing bad about it. Trying to get at your feet. I love that. Yeah, you could just sit on the upstairs and just hang your feet over into the basement. The moneymaker is just like stockings, really expensive stockings. Yeah, I love that. Have you ever dated a white guy, Kat?

One. One? One. And he said something to me that scarred me. Racist? He was very well-meaning, but he asked me when we were dating, is it true what they say about Asian lady parts? And I didn't know what he was talking about.

I was like, what do you mean? And he said that it's sideways. And I was so confused. Is it supposed to smile at you when I spread my legs? I don't know what... I was so confused. But that was a rumor for a long time. I heard David Blaine of your vagina to do that.

Yeah, that was a bad rumor going around for a long time. And I think it was because there was some bad artwork that was out there that led people to believe that. Artwork? I think somebody had made a painting that had a... Asian lady on it, spread eagle. And you thought, oh, well, that's different. Yeah. But also, I think it's true.

It's kind of like dinosaurs. Do they have feathers? I don't even know. The world may never know. Man, watch him rend him. And that's why you broke up with him. No, that wasn't the reason why. How white was he?

What was his first name? Nathan. Nathan what? Sounds Mexican. And he also just got outed too. I didn't need his first and last name. I said first name. You're not going to find him. Trust me.

Three people know where he is now. Only three. He fell off the face of the earth. How old were you when you dated this white guy? Pretty young. I was like in middle school. Oh, that doesn't count. Wait, the middle schoolers ask about your vagina? He has no idea. He has traumatized me

for most white guys. Interesting. I'm traumatized too yeah me too fucking nathan um wow dude uh it was just the one white guy never after that i was just asians just asians only asians only asians which is weird because asian guys usually don't hit on me why always i don't know what it is i think it's uh every now and then it's usually older black guys oh wow now it's much more younger white guys and like mexican guys my age and king and the sting fans white king the sting fans yes that's specifically white king the sting fans yeah in a girl in a garage in her dad's garage drinking the dad's fucking beer i'm intrigued by the older african--American man hitting on that connection. What do you see there, Derek?

Can you give us any insight into what's going on there? Cat got them thighs, bro. Oh, yeah. Them thigh-thigh thighs. That's what we like. Damn. Who doesn't like them, you know? Huh?

Who doesn't like them? I like them, man, but I'm also, you know, I get nervous around everything, you know? But to see you guys really out there flex and to see these older African-American males, you know, it's interesting. Dropping game. Yeah, it's interesting. I don't know these things.

I always feel like Asian girls can't see me when I'm around or something. Like they don't, and not even like a visual thing, they're just like, I get no vibe from them at all. I think they don't get, I just am not used to any asian vibe i didn't have any asian people growing up around me so i had no idea what their vibe was like like if they're into you or not if they're into you if they want to hear

from you or speak to you or if they what about black girls black girls yeah more i can i can relate to more i can see that just because i have more experience around them have you ever dated a black girl um nope i went home with one black girl one time and she had like a dungeon at her house like a very sexual there was a lot of just she had a uh chain mail in the corner you know from robin hood not robin hood but game of thieves or whatever a chain chain mail. Like the movie Saul? No, a chain mail. In her basement? Huh?

In her house. No, she had like a... It was just kind of... She had like mirrors. So that scared you away from her? Yeah, man. I was scared. I was high on drugs too. That makes sense.

But I was scared. But she seemed like a nice girl, but that's all I remember, dude. Derek, do you get mainly white girls hitting on you? On me? I get mainly white girls and then fat black girls. Damn. Keep talking to your boy, ladies.

Oh, yeah. Keep hollering. You like the fatties. I like it when they holler. Yeah. Because they holler confidently, and they say things that skinny girls would be like, hey, what's up? Black girl like, ooh, look at that ass, boy.

I'm like, oh, yeah. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah, Lizzo opened up the floodgates. So she did did who's that lizzo the uh uh uh i gotta air out my hair plug man they're sweating a little oh they sweat you don't want to get them wet bro oh look at them tits on that right get on oh this is my kind of stuff right here but also sometimes black women make me, some of those women make me nervous

because they would beat us. Like in school, a lot of times they would attack you sometimes. They can get real aggressive. Yeah, and they're way more mature than us. Yes. When I was in sixth grade, they were 23, I felt like.

Yeah, dude. And that's not to shade at black people. Yeah, they're like, come give me some of that dick, boy. And I was like nine years old and I was like, and they were 11. I'm just thinking about my peanut butter

and jelly sandwich lady. Oh, that's so real. And they were like nine years old. And I was like, and they were 11. I'm just thinking about my peanut butter and jelly sandwich, lady. Oh, that's so real. And they were 11, dude. I'm thinking about pogs. You're thinking about sucking dick right now. I don't know about that. We're just on a different fucking playing field, lady. I'm thinking about recess.

You're thinking about butt sex. You know what I'm saying? What? Brennan's going to Hades, man. No. Shout out to Lizzo. Hades, man. No. Shout out to Lizzo. But also, get in shape. What else you got?

Oh, damn, bro. This is our buddy. I just want to see her live, bro. I want to see her live. You know, on the outside, you're like a California guy, but on the inside, you're a damn ice road trucker boy. Yeah, you ain't lying. This is our buddy from South Windsor, Connecticut.

What's going on with you and Brendan? You got Brody from South Windsor here. Got a debate club question for you. Who did it better? Jeffrey Dahmer or John Wayne Gacy? Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. Oof. This boy knows his serial killers, apparently.

Well, he knows two of the most popular ones, but first of all, Casey's his name? Brett, I think I heard him say. They didn't write it down, but it sounded like Brett when he said it. Okay, thank you for the call, brother. I appreciate it. I want to thank you for taking the time to send us in a video. Yeah, murderer?

John Wayne Gacy, or was it, who was it? John Wayne Gacy or Jeffrey Dahmer? J-D or J-D, yeah. Well, Jeffrey Dahmer mainly killed gay boys, would have sex with them, then eat them, right? Yeah, little Filipinos. Yes, and then John Wayne Gacy was awful. He was the clown. That's where all the scary clown shit comes from.

Killed a ton of people. I want to say he did all his killing in Cleveland. Is that right? Or is it Chicago? It looks like Chicago. Illinois. Illinois, there you go. He's from Illinois.

Yeah, he was fucking scary. John Wayne Gacy went after kids, though, right? Yeah, he went after young teenage boys. That was his thing. Both of them did, so. No, Jeffrey Dahmer went after gay men who would have sex with them. Filipinos. Yeah.

No, only one Filipino. Was it just one? I thought he had a thing for Filipinos. No, no. But a lot of Filipinos are always young teenage boys in a lot of ways. They have that very happy personality, very jovial, excited about life. They have some of that same energy. Oh, Dahmer looks like a sick man.

God, he looks sick. Yeah, he's Milwaukee's finest, they say. Who is handsomer, you think, out of these two guys? Who would you have gone home with, Kat? Let's get a female perspective. John Wayne Gacy looks like shit. He's doing his best. He's like 45 in that picture. I'll tell you whaty mr steel your girl oh yeah well everybody says he was only

decent looking one a lot of these guys i mean he put zach efron played him in a movie i can't get down with the clown thing i i usually would go for the bigger dude just because i think bigger dudes are better to cuddle with oh yeah you know or You know? The thickness. Yeah, but I can't do with the clown. You could date a fat guy, Kat. Oh, yeah. They are the best people to cuddle with.

The best hugs. Riders on the storm. Listen to that while y'all cuddle. Oh. God. Riders on the... Just feel that warmth. Just feel that warmth.

That's me rubbing my tit. Dude, it's ass-eating season. Somebody yelled that the other day on the interstate. And that was in Wisconsin. Someone yelled at me, it's sucking season. Whatever that means. Somebody said it's cuffing season, where you've got to cuff somebody down for wintertime. You've got to lock them down.

I heard that over there. Ass-eating season. Yeah, that makes sense. Because you don't want to do it in the summer. No. You ain't eating ass in the summer. It's a wintertime activity, brother. Dude, that's a fall activity. You need that cold breeze.

Oh, that's an October delicacy, brother. Yeah. You know? I wait for pumpkin spice lattes and ass-eating season. You feel me? You gotta wash one down with the other, man. You're disgusting talking about all this. I would say this. Out of these two men,

what was their question? Who did it better? Who was the better serial killer? Both. Who was fucking right now? I think that's what they're asking. Who do you like more? I don't like either of them. Both suck.

Or did they say who was handsomer? He didn't say who. He just asked who you got. I mean, in like a battle off? In a roast battle? Who would pull off five more murders, you think, without getting busted? John Wayne Gacy. Ted Bundy was too sloppy with it.

I'm sorry. Jeffrey Dunn was too sloppy with it, I'm sorry, Jeffrey Dahmer was too sloppy with it, trying to fuck everybody, eat their face and their dicks and stuff, and then freeze it. John Wayne Gacy was that sly fucking clown hitter. JWG, and he was burying them, I know, under his home.

Yes. Dahmer had the guys running out on the recipe. Apparently one guy didn't like the fucking curry he made or something, and jetted out the door, and they caught him in the neighborhood. Yeah. Naked, and then the cops returned him. Returned him. Like, our bad.

Here you go. And the dude had a fucking hole in his skull. He drilled through his fucking brain and ran out butt naked. Like, dude, get back in there. The cops are like, what's going on? He's like, oh, just making a birdhouse out of my friend. Yeah, and they're like, that makes sense. Get back in there.

Fucking disrespectful, little dude. Meanwhile, no sp're like, that makes sense. Get back in there. Fucking disrespectful, little dude. Meanwhile, no sparrows in the apartment anywhere to be seen. That would have been my first clue. You show me a bird now, dude, or somebody's going to jail. You know? Jeffrey Dunrond. Yeah, I better get back in there, man.

My murder. My murder. My murder. What else we got? Who did you guys pick? I'll take John Wayne Gacy for 3,000, please. I think he would pull off five more before Dahmer would. He could have played Abraham Lincoln, though, if you look at Dahmer.

Yeah? He could easily have been an Abraham Lincoln actor. Four score. Four score and seven Filipinos a go. You know what's weird about... And I love you Filipinos, man. Oh, I love them. Oh, I'm waking up in the Philippines, dude.

Fuck yeah. With a pineapple fucking blumpkin on my chest. They don't have pineapple out there, but I feel you. All the rice you can handle. All that sticky rice, bro. Bury me inside that sticky rice. Bury me in some Pacquiao gloves, you feel me? Oh, dude.

Bury me in one big Pacquiao glove with my head poking out the top. Dude, I'll tell you, I'd eat Pacquiao's calves right now, bro, them tenderonis. He has them thick fucking calves. I'd let him fucking walk up and down my tongue, dude, with very small pants on. Fuck yeah. What else you got?

We got some relationship advice, fellas. Oh, good. Relationship advice. We can help. Jesus Christ. We just help. Jesus Christ. We just got fucking air plugs. And Brendan, what did you do a few minutes ago that blew everybody's mind? Eat Nass?

Pumpkin spice lattes? Before that, about the slavery thing. Let's keep going. This is Nathan Orsburn from Minnesota. Nathan from Minnesota. Yo, what's up, Brandon? What's up, Theo? So I got some relations.

He's got a camper behind him. So I've been talking to this girl for a while now, and she's absolutely gorgeous. We just click on every level. Same hobbies, same interests, just awesome. same hobbies, same interests, just awesome. So we're going into this pretty hard, and all of a sudden she sends me a Snapchat message saying she has something she needs to tell me. So the message entailed basically was

that she's still living with her ex, and everything's over with, blah, blah, blah. And so I creeped out on his Facebook and it says they're still in a relationship and I'm not sure

how to take this just wondering how you guys would approach it what would you do so hit me up with some intel

gang bang buzz light you're done you're done you're done you're done you're done you're done you're done you're done you're done you're done you're done you're done you're done you're done you're done you're done you're done you're done you're done you're done you're done you're done you're done you're done you're done you're done you're done you're done you're done you're done you're done you're done King Dang Buzz Lightyear. Oh, man.

King Dang Buzz Lightyear. Dude, this little handsome devil. God, that's tough, dude. Sounds like you're that side piece, homie. He's a good-looking dude, too, man. Well, yeah, I think he seemed like a nice guy. I'm not going to say that the guy is good-looking, Brendan. Okay. Here's the thing, though.

What's her Facebook say? Does she spend a lot of time with you? Because homeboy, if she's that much of a dying piece, he might not just want to let it go. So he's leaving it, the relationship status. That's true. He might be still caught up. He might still want more. He might not ever go on Facebook anymore either, could be most people i have no idea i think my

relationship status on there says i'm like 16 years old so it could be just that he hasn't updated it in a while but if she's sneaking you in and out like it's only 45 minute type of visits and this and that middle of the day yeah, you know, like only on commercial breaks and shit like that. See what she has you stored in her phone as. If it's Chad from Comcast, she might want to ask some questions. Yeah, dude. If it's fucking Chad from Comcast.

Man, that's a bummer, dude. I feel for this guy. But but this is also this is what happens to a lot of women you know and that's really the sad part is a lot this this man could be a lot of women right now they don't know what's going on they're talking to some guy you know he's you know he has girls do it too though look at my man here i know what's happening this is what happens all around this is what happens this is the fallout of all of it, brother. He's driving around. He has a camper behind him. See the camper attached to his car? I didn't notice that. He's got that camper and he's

driving and who knows? This guy could be a damn murderer. I'd have to see her, too, to see if the juice is worth the squeeze. You know what I'm saying? Really? I don't need to see her, man. She's a human. Nope, I need to see her. She probably has a big heart and it seems like... Maybe. Could be a scumbag, though. Playing my boy here. That's true. Treat him like need to see it. And she probably has a big heart, and it seems like... Maybe. Could be a scumbag, though. Playing my boy here.

That's true. Treat him like he's Postmates. Ugh. Make sure you come with a bag if you come to the house, you know? Yeah. Just pretend he's Postmates. Yeah, bring over some Fritos. Bring over something I can hide.

Yeah, under the bed. Bring over some little... Those Toffee Fae candies that I can wake up in the middle of the night and eat. Then her man's asking, why is that Postmates guy always fucking sticking around all the goddamn time? Yeah, why's he installing our cable? I? Think it's interesting brother, but yeah, what does he do? What do you guys think Derek? What do you think I mean? You're a side piece bro. She lives with him Nobody they live together dog.'t the movie to break up. Vince Vaughn?

But here's the thing. Maybe she was financially dependent on that dude. They're just broken up. She's trying to figure shit out, get a job, be independent, meet this great handsome dude. Yeah, that's beautiful. That sounds like the nicest thing. Probably not.

Most of the time. She's getting double dick. She's just a dirty girl. She's doubling down. Well, and now who knows if they're having sex? He didn't mention sex, Brendan. Guarantee that. Really? I had to spit out my eyes. I guarantee that.

You don't give a fuck. Hey, come on. You're too old for this. They could just be dating, Brendan. Come on. What do you think, Kat? He seems like such a nice guy. I know, he does. But, yeah, he's side dick. Where's he come from?

He is from, our boy is from Minnesota. Oh, nice people, too. Side dick. He just got, I haven't heard that term before. Me neither. You've never heard that term? Oh, he's that audible dick. Yeah, he's that Peyton Manning Papa John's dick.

Peyton Manning couldn't change the call to wine dick. He's that hot reed dick. Omaha, Omaha. Yeah, when his girl sees him, she yells, Omaha, Omaha. Man, look, I say look, but do you think he's really into the girl cat, or do you think he's just wondering if he's a side piece or what's going on? Do you think he's really into her? I think so. I mean, he's into

her enough to make a video and send it in and wait for a response. She's obviously not a listener or watcher of this show. Well, she will be soon, dude. Yeah, she's just gonna get to her. I hope she sends a video like, alright, I got one for you

guys, so I'm kind of seeing this guy inside. I live with my boyfriend, but he's really nice, and we do share one thing in common. We love King and the Sting, Buzz Buzz, Gang Bang. And the thing is... Yeah, my vagina has a drive-thru.

I keep pretending he's a postmate, and he installs our cable and then dicks me down. Good luck, man. What did he want to know from us? I feel like we helped him. I think, yeah, I think sometimes you just need some support on what you're kind of questioning. It seemed like you were just questioning it, man. So I think just play it by ear. Just don't get too caught up until you know

it's for real because she's still living with this man. You don't want to get shot by this man. That's true. People will be shooting these days. He's doing all he can. He has a girl living with him. He has her on his Facebook. They're in a relationship. If you go to court, you saw those things. Yeah, you know what you're signing up for, bro. You signed this lease. And you get shot, bro.

You know, people aren't going to take your side very easily. Yeah, people will be shooting these days. And if she's bad enough, if she's a baddie, getting double dick like this, she's a baddie, homeboy's going to, you know, try to keep it. Yeah, bang, bang, dude. Buzz, buzz. Yeah. Hell yeah, boy.

Good luck, dude. All right, here's a little flaunt my aunt, boys. Flaunt my nuts, motherfucker. Sorry. Sorry, I wrote that on a card earlier. I'm just a little bit eye-strung today because I want some pain medication from this head surgery. This is Aunt Lucy Catarello. Lucy Fur?

Aunt Lucy. That was a good one. No, she looks like a beautiful woman. She looks like a beautiful reptile. She has a bat around her neck. She's like a beautiful reptile. She has a bat around her neck. She's a bat bitch. That's the least of her fucking words. Look at her fucking

teeth, bro. I think she looks nice. And I like where your head's at. I like this positive feel right now. She clearly stapled her eyebrows. That's cool. That's cool that's cool but that's brave dude imagine going to bed at night instead of just closing your eyes stapling them

shut that's like i'm getting sleep no matter what anybody else wants yeah imagine feeling your way to the kitchen in the morning to make a fucking uh to grill an egg or to eat flies imagine you can't find your staple remover and you have to fucking drive to work with your eyes stapled shut. I think that's what she wants, bro. Yeah. Imagine waking up thinking you're fucking a lizard, dude. Oh, imagine laying on the road after it rains in the sun and enjoying it. Oh.

Imagine laying on the rocks like an iguana. Oh, beautiful. Ah, dude. Now we're talking about it. Belly up, baby. Oh, get them Ah, dude. Now we're talking about it. Belly up, baby. Ooh. Ooh. Get them rays.

Beautiful. God. That's somebody's aunt, huh? Yep. She graduated from University of Wisconsin. I don't believe that. And she did this herself. The horns are all clay.

This is all clay. Oh. She's a makeup person, I think. But yeah, she did this. The tats are real, though. Tats are real. The teeth are real, too, I think. Maybe., she did this. The tats are real, though. Tats are real. The teeth are real, too, I think. Maybe.

I don't know. She might be a good enough artist. She was good enough to do this stuff. Is there any other facts on it? So she went to University of Wisconsin. Wisconsin. Lie. I'm assuming she does. Go Badgers, baby.

8-0 right now. They're killing it. Yeah, don't jump on the train, dude. Well, yeah, they get the fucking running back. Dude, they're Badgers, bro. You're a team's LSU, bro. I don't jump on the train dude. Well. Yeah, they get the fucking running back. They're badgers, bro Yeah, I know that's not your team's LSU, bro I know but I'm jumping on the badger train imagine being a badger and doing something. They're always good dude No, he's pretty solid. They're deep or fed white boys great running back. That's what they do. That's true

But this year they've taken it to another level scored a few more points than usual. I'll see what's up Pac-12 sucks monkey nut. Okay, what do they want to know about this lady? That was a little flum on. She's only cool in October. You feel me? She's not coming to the holiday parties besides Halloween.

Right, that's a thing. Definitely she doesn't seem like that Christmas Eve kind of bad girl. Like, if I, if I, she seems nice, but if I saw her under the mistletoe, dude, I would fucking... I'm shooting that thing. Missile. I would missile go, bro. That's what I would do. Like,

quadri is male, bro. I'd fucking be out that bitch, bro. Shit, I'd be like his brother rocking, shoot this bitch right in the tail. Oh, damn. Yeah. Dang, bro. Shit, I'd be like his brother Rock and shoot this bitch right in the tail. Oh, damn. Yeah. Dang, bro. But those sharp teeth, dude, imagine

you can't find a, you gotta open an envelope of some mail or something, you can't find something, your lady's right there to help you. That'd be pretty handy. You know, imagine

you wanna get into a can of soap, of a beanie. Of a, yeah, or beanie weenie, dude. Don't eat tuna, man. That shit's dangerous. It has lead poisoning.

My buddy. Mercury. Dude, my buddy Billy Rich ate some lead, bro. Ate like 19 cans of tuna in a row, dude. And once your mercury's gone, dude, it's like you're on a ship, like on a scary ship all the time. You just started rocking back and forth? Bro, for a while, and he's better now. Shout out BR, bro.

Shout out BR. Might be some mental health issues. Straight line, gang, bro. This dude could walk across a park. Damn. By himself, dude. Pretty cool. Yeah and he's better now. Shout out BR, bro. Shout out BR. Might be some mental health issues. Straight line, gang, bro. This dude could walk across a park. Damn. By himself, dude. Pretty cool.

Yeah, he's pretty cool. Good luck to this aunt, though. Good luck? What are you talking about, good luck, dude? I mean, just in life, dude. If you really want to pretend you're a tatted up lizard, it's going to be a tough road for you. Bro, she looks, honestly, she's beautiful, for one. You keep saying that, dude.

You keep saying that. Yeah, because I mean it. But she also looks like an aquarium fucked a bowl of fruity petals so i think there's kind of a mixed bag going on here what i can't what the part that gets me is the bat around her neck the bat that's the least of my fucking words really no i'm more worried she's gonna see this show and put a fucking voodoo spell on us, dude. Sorcery. She has a bat around her neck.

Oh, is that a bat around your neck or are you just happy to seance me? This is ridiculous. Dude, this is the darkest magic right here. Oh, dude, yeah. Bro, this is like you're playing Dungeons and Dragons and you rolled a 7,000. Okay. But outside of that, she seems, look, she's a big smile, hearty, you know, looks healthy. Looks like she has healthy kind of neck.

Full lips. Full lips, has fake horns. They look calcium. Looks like she doesn't get a lot of sleep. Very similar to a lizard. They don't sleep a ton. Yeah. She has bags on bags around her eyes.

Lizard bags. Well, dude, that's actual luggage, bro. I mean, at some point. That's crocodile luggage, baby. Somebody could make a beautiful pair of boots out of this lady. Okay. Or a purse. Oh, man, we're going to hell, dude.

You know what's crazy? No, she's already there. That's what I'm saying. That's her trick. She shows up. People say mean things. They go to hell, dude. You know what's crazy? No, she's already there. That's what I'm saying. That's her trick. She shows up. People say mean things. They go to hell. Bam.

She's right there and gets them. By gets them, you mean bites them. All right. What else you got, D? But yeah, it seemed like a great aunt. Yeah, hell yeah. Shout out to lizards. Up next, we got Aunt Kristen and Aunt Crystal.

Full chocolate body on the left. Oh, damn. That's frowned upon in Hollywood, but bodybuilding gets away with it. Look at those Cadbury legs, bro. That is a chocolate body right there. Check out the ink on that sculpture. Not matted at all. She is thied the fuck up.

Now, Cat, what do you guys see when you guys see kind of an orange chicken bitch like this? What do you guys think? When you see this bronze bitch, what do you think? Oh, I'm joking, man. Sorry, I'm on these pills. Yeah, I'm also on pills. That's why I say all these outrageous things. I'm on whatever deals I'm on.

Man, I think it's just Halloween. It's just the season. It's Halloween. She has the face of Mr. Freeze. man it's i think it's just halloween it's just the season it's halloween i don't you know she has the face of mr freeze who's mr freeze pull him up in blue face oh my god you guys are going to hell dude why am i going to hell on my medication? Dude, I'm fucked up. Damn, I'm fucked up, man. You're telling me she doesn't look like that?

Dang, dude. And that's a compliment, dude. Bro, she'll never get scoliosis, that's for sure. That is the horniest woman I've ever seen in my life, bro. She'll never get scurvy, dude. That's for damn sure. Beautiful, though, huh? Oh, they're great. The one on the right, the blonde, is Aunt Kristen.

She was married to former Harlem Globetrotter Roy Zazu Bird. Ooh, somebody getting that fucking dick. Dude, them Harlem Globetrotters? You don't shoot all those crazy shots and not have a nine-foot fucking panther tail, dude. Them boys were gangsters. Bro, you could jump off a six-story building and land in that lady's pussy. You know? They're shooting like this and shit.

Meanwhile, Homeboy's balls deep in her asshole. Yeah, man. Oh, my God, Brendan. The original black tear. You need to grow up. And then Crystal's on the bodybuilder, and she's married to a cop. And they're both king of the stink things. Oh, thanks. Oh, not anymore.

Wish I would have known that before I called her Mr. Freeze. Oh, I think Crystal looks beautiful. I think Crystal looks like a... I think she looks healthy. I think she looks stronger than Theo. I think she has bigger arms than me. Well, here's the thing also. You don't know the way that these performers

in these bodybuilding competitions look and the way they are on game competition weekend. Different people. Totally different things. She's bodied up. I'll tell you that right now. She's bodied up. I bet she has a dumper out the back.

Oh, dude. A full Mack truck. Oh, I bet she hasn't eaten anything in a month, though. No, zero carbs. Oh, dude, yeah. White teeth. I'm jealous of them. Now I'm confused.

The girl on the right is there for what reason? Sister. Support. Oh, they're sisters. God, Brennan. Did you know that? Yes. Well, one's black, one's white. Well, I was about to ask you, is she spray tan black? Spray tan. Full chocolate body. So she looks like this sister. She looks like her normally.

Yes. The other white girl. Yeah, The other white girl. That's the thing. This is like before and after, really. Yes. Correct. Correct. She's eaten tilapia for the past six years to look like this. Oh, dude. She's definitely...

The dedication, the discipline to get in that fucking shape is insane. Yeah, I can't even imagine, dude. Especially when your vagina starts getting all fucking hard. Well, they turn. I'm trying to be cool, man. I'm trying to be cool. I'm trying to be cool.

Your baby has to come out in sneakers, bro. That's how hard when you're fucking so jacked. Your baby comes out with a helmet on, dude. And also comes out your dick hole, because that's what happens because they take so many steroids. Dude, I was trying to be cool. Your wife is a cop, Brendan. You know, cops will shoot

anyone. That's true. What city are they in? So I know to cancel that tour day? Look, I think I'll say this. I love cops, and I think half the people that get shot deserve to be shot. At least half. I'd say 75%.

Bro, here's the thing. Oklahoma. You walk up to anyone right now and punch them in the face and say, you know what that's for. Everyone's going to be like, even if they don't know what it's for, we've all done something. They're going to go back years and be like, that makes sense. Yeah, I did it. So I'm not saying everybody deserves to get shot, but I'm not surprised. If I drove around all night drinking coffee and stuff, I'd shoot somebody.

Yeah, especially on that pay. Come on, dude. Yeah, I think cops could probably get paid $200,000 a year. At least. Tough gig. You know how hard it is to be a cop? Everybody hates you. Yep.

So I think it's nice that this guy's out there supporting, keeping us safe, and his wife's able to lift Jim, and lift, and do nice meals, and meal cutting, and everything. I also think it's cool that Bodybuilding's the last safe place where you can go full chocolate body. Yep. And not take heat for it. That's true. And I say go darker next time.

Yeah, she's too white for me, to be honest. Bodybuilding, you gotta go darker. You wanna win or not? Did she win? She didn't say if she won. She got that ice on her arm like she won. I know, right? Yeah, I say go darker. Go dark, dark.

You know what I'm saying? Listen, you want to be the best, you got to go darker. You got to get more deca. That's what I'm saying. Change your name to Lift Teresa, you know, and lift it all. Mr. Frieza. You feel me? But, yeah, beautiful couple, and these girls seem like they love each other.

And I'm glad that they have each other. And we love you guys. We're obviously just joking. You are going to get us shot, man. Me? That guy's wife is a cop. Let's end it on some King and Her Sting. I mean, that lady's off.

I don't know, man. Oh, yeah. We're on drugs. Remember? Oh, yeah. Dude, I'm so fucked up. Mr. White. Mr. White.

Up first, this is Jack from Washington State. This is Jack. What's up, Theo? What's up, Brendan? This is Jack from Washington State. Beautiful state. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. I got a king of those thingy for you.

Eating sunflower seeds and spitting them on the ground. Fuck yeah. In the city. Hell yeah. King of those thingy. Fuck. Bang, bang, guz, guz, brothers. Guz, guz, bro.

Okay. You spit on your phone, dude. That brothers. Guz guz, bro. Okay. You spit on your phone, dude. That dude. Doesn't affect us, bro. First of all, that guy's in the snow with no shirt on, and you gotta respect that. Is that snow? That's snow behind him. It's the real Bear Grylls right there, dude.

God damn, dude. Horses in the bag, daddy. Fucking snow in the front. Sunflower seeds. God, fuck yeah. Nothing more American than sunflower seeds. I spit those

things wherever, dude. I like to load my cheek up like a chick monk and just fire those puppies out the window.

You feel me? Put a fucking Dodgers cap on and just fucking put on some ACDC. Nothing more American than

that. My uncle used to spit them and we'd catch them in our mouth. He'd spit the things out and

he'd spit them in the air high enough we could catch them. That's not sad at all. Not sad, Brendan. Dude, you like pumpkin seeds?

It's American. Yeah, I like them. Them boys are those thick hitters. Those things are fucking... You got a deep throat. You put more than three in your mouth. Oh, yeah, dude. I put three in my mouth, bro. I'll meet anybody anywhere. Those things make you real fired up, dude.

Kat, you ever had sunflower seeds? Doesn't seem like your vibe. Really? What do you mean? Kat definitely seems like she's had different types of seeds and different types of, you know, unique, rare meats. Kat? Yeah, I've had sunflower seeds before. Really?

I don't see you buying, like, a pack of barbecue. You ever had to barbecue a ranch? It's not my go-to. I mean, I don't see you eating sunflower seeds before. Really? I don't see you buying like a pack of barbecue. You ever had to barbecue a ranch? It's not my go-to. I mean, I don't see you eating sunflower seeds every day. Oh, you don't? Every day? No.

I see Brendan. Brendan looks like definitely every assistant coach on every children's sporting team. By far, dude. Two whistles, even though after

the first time the real coach is like, eh, no more whistles. Dude, you look like shit. What are you talking about? What are you talking about? You look like the worst DJ for deaf people. You're out of your mind, dude.

You're out of your fucking mind, bro. I'm going to take it easy today, everybody. I know you can't hear me. I just got a hearing procedure. Bro, you're dressed like a loud mime. You're out of your fucking mind. You're like you're head of security for Andy Dick. And I just let him get his ass beat. And you're not doing well.

You're not doing a good job. He keeps getting knocked out, dude. And I just keep scoring coke while he's getting his ass beat for grabbing guys' dicks in the middle of the street. Bro, he grabbed my dick twice in Shreveport two different times. Dude, he texted me to suck my dick. I was like, who is this? That's what I said.

Who is this? Because I didn't say his name. It just said Ann Dick. I thought I almost had a wild night the other night. Maybe it's some hot chick. Send me a picture of him like this. Bro, that's bananas, dude.

Yeah, you look like a fucking loud mime at a bakery, dude. And you're just like. Ooh. Ooh. Gonna put these lizards in my lot. What else we got, D? Up next, we got... Love you, man. Good to be here with you.

We got Matthias. This is... Oh, look at this guy stealing black people's names first of all. He's from Belgium? I hope I'm saying it right. Matthias Pavlov? It's Matthias. It's Matthias.

It's Matthias. Matthias sounds like a cornerback for LSU. Oh, bro. This is definitely the... Yeah, this is definitely the fucking... Is that a ponytail at the back? Oh, you'll see. This is the honey bed. Yeah.

Hola, Tio. What's up, Brandon? I'm Matthias. You can call me Matty. I'm from Belgium, but I'm coming to you from a wildlife rescue center in Ecuador. The animals here are brought in by the police, confiscated by out of the black market. Most of them were pets, illegally owned. However, I know that in the US, depending on the state where you are, it's legal to

own exotic pets. And I wanted to know your thoughts about it so wow oh damn things exotic pets king it or sting it is that his son by the way i know you guys make a lot of people's days better somewhere in mind so keep it up gang gang buzz buzz buzz Muchas gracias amigo, dude King exotic animals Yeah, I'm a little though dude white people take it too far like that guy in New York who had a tiger and a crocodile In this fucking apartment they start fighting it to rush out the goddamn building. Yeah, I've seen that dude Yeah tiger crocodile one guy they start They start fighting. You have to rush out the goddamn building. Yeah. You ever seen that, dude? Uh-uh, bro. With the tiger and the crocodile?

Yeah, tiger and crocodile. One got out. They start fighting. On, like, the sixth floor. You have to jump out the window. Yeah. He's like, holy fuck. It's a bad idea.

Brendan, you just fell asleep during the movie Jumanji, I think. Oh, you're right. You're right. That was Kevin Hart. You're right. Dude, when you're right, you're right, bro. Yeah, dude. When you're right, you're right, dude. Oh, yeah.

That might be that movie Rampage. I think you were watching Rampage. I think it's a little confused. A little too high. Sometimes I get a little too high and I mix the realms. Yeah, bro. Also, you've been hanging out with Ari Shaffir too much, bro. That dude's lacing your afternoons, bro. Also, you've been hanging out with Ari Shaffir too much, bro. That dude's lacing your afternoons, bro.

Unfortunately, he wants Jumanji. This is beautiful. I don't even, is that a lemur? He has some big old eyes. That thing looks like he was twisting his nipples, too. Wow, that thing will climb down your shirt and touch you, man. That thing's beautiful. That's not a sugar guy.

This isn't relationship advice, is it? You know what's it? What's he want to marry this monkey? What's his problem? The monkey has a side piece and they don't know if they're in a relationship. He doesn't know what to do. Yeah. What is the monkey?

He says in a relationship on Facebook. The monkey won't stop cheating on him. He doesn't know what to do. Well, here's the thing. I think, Matthias, in America, I think a lot of people have started to get, a lot of people get animals and they, I think they just don't take, they're not prepared to take care of them. That's the problem. Well, no, because you buy a crocodile when they're young. Like, oh, this is cool.

Saltwater crocodile. I'm leaving my bathtub. Six months go by, the thing's a fucking crocodile. You can't take a shit anymore. You know what I'm saying? That's his house. That's his house. People don't think it through. Also, exotic animals this day

and age, you know, in America we're always trying to one-up each other. We're trying to flash it. Used to be Rams. Used to be dope cars, dope houses. Now... Next thing you know, they got a guy in Cleveland with three girls locked in his basement for a decade. And he's like, oh, come over and see these crazy lizards I got. You're like, oh, those are humans, brother. Those are humans, bro.

Yeah, he just painted scales on one of them. So that's. Dude, you filed down their teeth and put scales on them. Yeah. That's. I think in America, we've gone past the point of what's the real purpose of it and more to the point of how can

we make it in... You know what I'm saying? People are doing it for the gram these days. They're just trying to get likes. Some dude bought a hyena the other day and walked it down the street. That ain't safe, bro. That ain't safe. You can't be doing hyena, bro. Dude. Nobody in your neighborhood be doing hyena, bro. Nah, dude.

You know, nobody in your neighborhood has a hyena defense kit, you know? Yeah, but also, don't bring your hyena dog park. I'm like, oh, it's just a bull mastiff. Yeah, I'm like, bullshit, dude. That's a hyena, bro. That's a fucking hyena if I've ever seen one, bro. Yeah, why is it laughing over there by the fence? Yeah, just because your favorite movie is Black Panther

doesn't mean you have to buy one on the black market, man. Those things are dangerous. Yeah, dude, why are they watching The Lion King and drawing up fucking evil plans

if it's a bull mastiff? But look, man, I think Americans, we're becoming an endangered species in some way, dude. We need to be rescued, bro. So I think we could use probably, you know, I'd be in a woman's shirt.

I wouldn't hide in a man's shirt like that, the animal. But I think it's beautiful what you guys are doing over there. Yeah, I want mine like an armadillo. But yeah, people are getting tigers. People are getting elephants. People are getting people. You know, it's getting spooky, man. Yeah, sex trafficking is big over here, bro.

They say it's big, dude. They say it's bumper to bumper. I haven't seen one person. Nuts to butts, bro. You know? Nuts to butts. All the women that I meet just want to be hookers. I agree.

It's like that's the job. But every now and then, I guess there's one that's caught up in a dope game and they're being abused. Just don't fuck any of these animals, bro. Yeah, I'm just saying I want armadillos. We could get like a mascot for the studio. What could it be? What about a bat just fucking flies around and shits everywhere? And we're just like, God damn.

Can't sting it. We're like, all right, dude. All right, batty. And just shitting everywhere. Yeah. Guano, guano, brother. Yeah, guano, guano, guano. I think it would be nice to have a mascot.

What is that? Guano. Ace Ventura. Ace Ventura, too. Oh, yeah. Yeah, man, I think. And what does this guy want to do? He wants to bring this into the country?

No, he just wanted to sing it. Do you guys like it? Remember when Bieber got stopped in like Australia or some shit? He had that pet monkey. Remember that? Yeah, he used to have a pet monkey. He had a monkey. He jacked that thing.

Dude, how could you not have a pet monkey in Australia? There's so many animals there. Everything is. Ah, dude, you guys grab a koala off the street Kamado dragons, dude? They got everything over there. Yeah, we could use a mascot in here though. Maybe an ant farm sea monkeys I suggest a bat. Yeah, just rats and bees Just let them or maybe an Isis somebody's been in Isis and we could frickin slap them time I mean to them feed them dirty Fritos. Yeah, we have another boy Have another beat up a son But yeah, man, thank you for sending in thank you for watching this in another country, bro, yeah, man Philly's

Philly's Not not it's not Christmas yet. We're early El dia de los muertos. Bien, bien. Let's have a good Halloween. Bueno, bueno. Bueno. What else we got? That's it, boy.

That's it? That's it today. Damn, that was a fast show. Guano, guano, bueno, bueno, brother. Guano, guano, buzz, buzz. Oh, man. I feel like we went through a lot during this one. Did you? Did it feel long?

I don't know, man. How long did we go? Three hours? Three hours. That's cool. Three hours. I've got to go to a funeral. I know, dude. Sorry, brother. Sorry about your friend, man. It's alright. I appreciate it. Yeah, sorry if I was in a bad mood today, man. Dude, me too. I felt like

I was in a bad mood. Did you? I did. Did you? Maybe I was being mean. I don't know. Yeah, maybe you were being mean to me. I don't know. I didn't feel great being mean to me. I don't know. I didn't feel great, though. You didn't? Yeah, you seemed like it.

It seemed like it was a little bit. Yeah, maybe I was a little bit mean. I'm sorry if I was. That's all right. Your friend died. You have hair that you're trying to fix. Yeah, so I don't know, dude. This comes out.

This is next week. So you got any dates? This is this week. This one comes out This is next week So You got any dates This is this week This one comes out Like tonight Today Yeah Really

You know what Really Yeah it does Oh well fuck I'm in Philly Thursday, Friday, Saturday Philly Helium Derek's busting nuts out there

Hassan's gonna be shooting His fucking AK-47 Hassan's gonna be climbing Out of a freaking Out of a Peruvian guy's shirt Hassan's a fucking Illegal fucking animal out of a Peruvian guy's shirt. Hassan's a fucking illegal fucking animal, dude. And I bring him all over the states.

That is very true. We get stopped everywhere. But I also, in another sense, I'd love to see people making their own zoos, small zoos, you know? I like small zoos and I like cemeteries.

When I was growing up, your neighborhood would have a couple of dead people, a little family cemetery in the yard. Yeah, why not? Why do I have to bury my loved ones where everybody else is buried? Yeah, why do I have to drive to the city limits to see your shitty animals when my neighbor's got fucking nine straight-up Rillas living in the back? Fuck yeah, dude. I just went to a petting zoo with my son.

Grabbed the shit out of the sheep. This thing was dope. There's no better place to show a child a bunch of animals' dicks up close, dude. I just went to a petting zoo with my son. Grabbed the shit out of the sheep. This thing was dope. There's no better place to show a child a bunch of animals' dicks up close, dude, than a petting zoo, dude. That's one way to look at it, man. You know? Hey, don't pet low, pet high. That's what I tell the kids. Yeah.

Pet high, brother. That ain't a tail, little buddy. That ain't his tail. That thing's going to spit at you now. That thing's been chewing gum. That's what I tell them. That thing's going to spit at you now. That thing's been chewing gum. That's what I tell him. That thing's going to blow bubbles. That thing's going to spit out some sunflower seeds.

You keep going. All right, I'm in Philly. And then November, it's Dallas, Salt Lake City, Utah. Get your tickets. I saw it was October, too. December 10th, I'm going to be at the Wiltern in Los Angeles, so you can get tickets to that. I'm going to be at the Wiltern in Los Angeles, so you can get tickets to that. Oh!

And I'm going to be at Oxon Hill, Maryland. It looks like it's going to be January 17th or the 25th. I'll let you guys know this week. Fantastic. And that's it. And I might shoot a special coming up in Chicago. Oh! When are you shooting that, Doug?

I don't know. We're trying to lock the dates down right now. Proud of you, man. That's going to be dope. Thanks, bro. But, yeah, gang, gang, buzz Doug? I don't know. We're trying to lock the dates down right now. Proud of you, man. It's going to be dope. Thanks, bro. But yeah, gang, gang, buzz, buzz. Buzz Lightyear.