The Golden Hour - Episode 58: Body Math

Episode Date: March 6, 2020

The gang talks Theo's New Crock-Pot, Coronavirus Scares, Body Math, Young Love, Little House On The Prairie, 90's Sitcoms, Face Tattoos, Lil Puck Ho's, All New Race My Case's, Mysterious Toe Suckers, Tim Horton's Poopers and much more!1. Postmates - KATS20202. MVMT - https://mvmt.com/kats3. ShipStation - https://shipstation.com/ offer code: KATS4. Hims - https://forhims.com/katsSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

back off my broccolini get your life together don't touch me bro i'm not touching you dude yeah sorry i was late man i had um i got a i got one of those crock pots that's why you were late yeah well. What, you were picking it up from Target? No. No, man. I got it a different time. Sorry, I'm using it. Oh, what were you making? Making a beef, like a beef casserole kind of. Ooh, a little casserole.

Can you cook, Doggy? Yeah, I can, man. Well, it does the cooking. Hey, beef casserole. Are you 75 years old? It's like a little wife that you plug in. Beef casserole? Yeah, dude.

That's what you make yeah man i got a good bunch of beef meat and uh what else like it's got like a nice crust or something we'll see how it comes out and then do you do you toss in like some veggies and stuff yeah there's different stuff in there there's carrots in there what also a little bit of celery i'll put i took some of the celery out of the recipe i didn't like as much as they were recommending. Yeah. And then do you knit on the side while you wait for it to get done? I'm not a cropper, dude. What the fuck, dude? Are you turning into my Aunt Louise?

What's happening? Not everybody has a wife, man. Okay. Dude, I'm sure we can get one of these little Hollywood thirst traps cooking meals in between shows, dude. Yeah, well. So I'm going to be honored, dude. Really? Yeah, man. I to be honored, dude. Really? Yeah, man.

I don't know, man. I haven't seen that. I haven't seen it yet. What have you guys been up to? What's been going on? Chappelle and Kat? Rocking, you know. You got a haircut, huh?

I did get a haircut. Oh, you like it? Yeah. Hey, thanks for noticing. Thanks, man. You're welcome. I noticed, too. No, you didn't.

Yeah, I did. I thought something looks different about him. What? I don't want to know. Why people? I don't know. I could have been anything. Could didn't. Yeah, I did. I thought something looks different about him. I don't know. I could have been white. He got in a fire. I know. I could have been anything. I know.

That's why I waited. I'm just saying certain white people don't catch when a black person gets a haircut. Oh, no. I recognize fades all day. Where'd you go? Where'd you go? Hollywood? No, this little spot by my house in Hollywood.

Mexican, dude? How'd you know? Dude, Mexican gives the best fades. Because when I used to have that short fade, I only let Mexicans touch my hair. Yeah, Mexicans are good. Yeah, but I was always trying to line my shit up like fucking eight miles. I was like, I'm good, dude. Get out of here.

They like force you to line it up. Who does? The black guys. They do? Yeah, because they want to line it up. They'll do you good. I just want to leave it natural. Yeah.

That's why I only went with Mexicans. Yeah, same. Because they keep it very like right to the point. I like a basic. want to leave it natural yeah that's why i only met went with mexicans yeah same because they keep it very like right to the point i like a basic i don't need all the you know and then also most of them don't speak very good english so you don't have to talk the whole time they just get the job done yeah it's great yeah latinos papa who do you do you get your hair cut you just change wigs what do you do no this isn't a wig. This guy John does it. Brian wants to get John. Huh?

John's. Yeah, he's a cyclist, but he also does hair. But he's going through some marriage shit right now. Oh, no. So it's going to be tough for you to get a haircut? Yeah. I didn't quite catch that. Who do you think is your PhD? Is that him?

No, that guy's Indian. Oh. I've just got Indian Siri. It's hard to listen to that female on there, honestly. Yeah, I know. She's always so condescending. Dude, isn't she? When I get into a Uber or something, I say, turn the volume down.

I'm not listening to that lady. Oh, I know. I can't stand it. Yeah. How do you not know that? I'm like, goddamn, bitch. That's why I'm asking your dumb ass. You're like, it's three plus three, and not everyone knows it.

Yeah, come on, Siri. What have you been up to, though, Chappelle? Were you on the road this weekend, dog? Just doing shows and stuff. What did you say? Were you on the road this weekend? No, I was pretty much in town. I was doing a bunch of those, you know those don't tell shows?

Did you tell somebody? Yeah, well, I just told everybody right now. What's up? Oh, those are the what, like the secret shows? Yeah, the secret shows. We did it at a surf shop. Yeah, they're like just told everybody right now. What's up? Oh, those are the what? The secret shows? Yeah, the secret shows. We did it at a surf shop. Yeah, they're like arcades and shit. Yeah, well, yeah.

I've never done an arcade. I've done a barbershop. Have you heard about these shows? They don't tell anyone, but they book big comics, and they're like in random, just random spots. They don't tell anyone the lineup or anything like that? Like Jerry's Deli, but they shut that bitch down at midnight. Dang.

Yeah. Pretty cool. You did it at a. Dang. Yeah. Pretty cool. You did a surf shop? Yeah. Was it cool? Oh, yeah. It was so dope. They had a lot of surf boys.

Who was the headliner? Trevor Wallace. Yeah. It's always big comics, too. I know like Ali Wong's popped up. Bobby Lee. Segura's popped up. Callan.

Oh, I did one of those, actually. It was in the back of a restaurant somewhere off Third Street Promenade one time. Yeah. It was like a secret show it was mostly foreign exchange students or something that were they were like uh not implants i don't know what's called when people are from somewhere else and they don't even speak english oh that's fun did they get it was no they didn't get anyone to work they don't they don't know where they're at they didn't get anyone to where yeah one guy i think that's human trafficking. One guy acted like he was getting arrested the whole time. He's like texting his wife and shit. Panicked.

Yeah. Just sending pictures of police. I thought you were giving a speech where they're going to go. Just sending police officer emojis to his wife. I was like, what is this? Yeah, it was mostly like the Dutch. Not the Dutch, but I think it was maybe some type of lean white, something Nordic, you know, you know,

they're kind of like Minneapolis or Norway. They're kind of like open mics. We can't tell anybody like in the back of a sweatshop and shit. I mean, it's a crowd. Oh yeah. Yeah. They're killing it.

It was like, it was like a, it was, they fit like almost 200 people in that surf shop. Yeah. I've heard they're great. I've heard they're really good. B-Y-O-B.

Hmm. Ooh, I like that. What if I just brought everyone Jocko's fucking Hawaiian sweat? Then the whole crowd would be turned up. You know what I'm saying? That's a different level. Yeah, dude. That's like, oh, yeah, I wonder what that sweat, I wonder what they're making sweat. You're talking about that thick sweat?

Is it people? Do animals sweat? Dogs sweat through their nose. They do? Yep. Oh oh that's so naughty naughty dogs naughty dude yeah what if that was your magic trick be like watch this i'm gonna run a couple blocks and then just dude with your nose you could run forever like a hound i'd be serving sweat to go with my beef meat, dude.

I've got that casserole when I get home. What do you have when you get home, dude? Casserole? Dude, I'm on this carnivore diet. I can only eat red meat. What? Yeah. I'm like a T-Rex.

I'm trying to turn into T-Rex. You're taking through Joe Rogan's trash? What are you eating, man? I wish. He has good food, man. I bet his trash is fucking good. Oh, dude, I bet those raccoons are lit when Rogan takes out his trash. Raccoons are just fucking jacked.

Oh, dude, yeah. You see his raccoons are out there just trying on necklaces and shit. His raccoons are jacked and shit. They're jacked in the fucking highest shit. They're just lifting weights out there. Let me see your body talk. Body talk. Dude, he must have the jacked-ass raccoons, dude.

They walk away with kettlebells. Just kettlebells walking away. What was that picture? I've been in the gym. Did you see me? I did. Brendan and I were actually joking about this back and forth. Yeah, we made fun of you for a good amount of time behind your back.

Oh, praise God. Maybe right there doing them Pudding Pipers. She got you working on your back. Oh, praise God. Maybe right there doing them Pudding Pipers. She got you working on your shoulders. Oh, that's everything that's full body. Now, who's the little fuck

Look at that. Dragging a friend who's burning. Look at that. That's good. I really can't Oh, she working that ass again, bro.

Yeah, but I told her today, I texted her and said, no more ass, front only. Yep, and she said not happening. That's what we do. Yeah, but I told i told her i said front only i said people are making fun of me and i can't walk and you're scared i'm scared i'm not even joking yeah i can't do anything i

can't walk when i'm on stage i feel like yeah if a hunter saw me dude they would gun me they're gonna shoot that ass down, dude. I know. I think it's a big old buck. People keep going, pull over that ass, you fag. Bro, I'm not even joking. People screaming about my ass from the audience this past weekend. I get all tired, too. Oh, it's unbelievable. Some guy, I think, was in Maryland.

He had some severe health issues or mental health. And he can also check out betterhelp.com slash Theo if he wants. But what I'm saying is this dude, all he kept yelling about my ass for 40 minutes. I think somebody just choked him out in the audience. He might have been gay, man. He was shooting a shot. Shooting a shot.

Yeah, I had some dude come up to me and go, dude, is my ass better than Theo's? I'm like, dude, I don't know. I've actually never seen Theo's. Yeah, sure you haven't, dude. Look in your imagination. Only in my dreams, Flare. Only in my dreams have I seen it.

If we had about 38 pages of your imagination, it'd be interesting to see how many of them have my ass on. About 30 of them are daydreaming of that ass. Kat, what's up? What's up with you, Kat? What's been happening? Nothing much. I got acrylic nails because an older Vietnamese woman peer pressured me into it.

And now I feel like I have even more of an attitude problem. I get it. Really? Girls with long acrylic nails, I know why they have an attitude now. It's because everything looks so much sassier. When you point, it's sassy, and so it comes out everywhere else. I like the long nails. Yeah, it does seem sassy. Now that now that I see them, it seems sassy. So what is it, acrylic nails?

What is it? I don't know what it's made out of. I'm pretty sure it's plastic, but they basically glue on plastic onto your actual nail, and then they paint over it so it looks longer. Who's that comic who had the joke about going to the nail salon? Oh, Angela Johnson. You want Crittle Gel? Crittle Gel. Whatever you like.

I do for you. I do for you. Whatever you like. Crittle Gel. It's so sensual in there, dude. Sometimes I'll go in there and just jerk off and leave, dude. That's not bad. Yeah, that's a good idea.

Sounds like a nice little Thursday night. Dude, I'll leave a 20 spot on the counter and I'm in it now. And they're grateful. I've had them get it on my, what do you call it? Pedicure. I don't get them. I feel bad for them. Are you sure you want to do this?

It's not an ingrown toenail. And they ain't seen a big thick toe like this. It takes two of them. And then they're all just, I got it, I got it, I got it. I'm like, oh, they're talking shit about my toe. And there's two of them on one toe. Really? Yeah, one lifts the nail and the other just scraped it out.

And I feel bad for them. What was it? Yeah. Yeah, I feel real bad for them. That's basically me right there. That's too much. I know. I felt bad. I stopped going.

I used to enjoy it. I stopped going. I felt so bad. Oh, that's quatch. They call you that's quatch. Oh, white devil. I give them all. White devil. White devil you that's quats. Oh, white devil. I give them all. White devil.

White devil bag. White devil bag. I'd give them all my cash. I felt so bad. Yeah. Sometimes I'll run by, dude, and just throw all my money in there. Yeah, sometimes. And just drive off.

I should. And they wear those masks. And you get the toe jam to splat on them. That's disgusting. That's crazy, man. You can make a pretty penny for those masks nowadays. They're sold out everywhere. I heard they don't work. I heard they don't protect against

the coronavirus. It's if you're sick, you're supposed to wear them to not get other people sick. I like that, actually. That's not bad. It's not bad if everybody have that on because then if they have something, they keep it. Yeah, here's the thing. Do we know anybody besides Asians that rock those masks 24- 7 at the airport people are starting to rock them yeah but before yeah but before right just asians they're probably damn what do they know that i don't know who has corona more than anybody all them asians do they yeah well them asians i feel like is a

racial slur no well dude i'm racist so i would know don't tell me racial slur. No. Well, dude, I'm racist, so I would know. Don't tell me racial slurs and not racial slurs, bro, okay? So if anybody knows him, it's me and Nick. Nick went like this when I said that. Nick did wink a little.

He's getting a little loose in it because Chin's not here. What I'm talking about is these. Nick's a little too comfortable that Chin's not in there. Where is Chin anyway? He's getting a little loose in it because Chin's not here. Dude, what I'm talking about is he's... Nick's a little too comfortable. Chin's not here. Where is Chin anyway? He's all flexing like this. Chin could be our first corona victim, man.

Yeah, Chin might have that corona. I could see him having it, dude. That corona. Yeah, but a lot of people have it, dude. A lot of these, everybody, these sand Christians, they're getting it. Yeah, it's also known as the flu. You'll be fine. Dude, they said it's killing toddlers and seeing...

I don't think it's real i'm gonna be real real real honest you're going to any bravo right now dude look you're going sam triply honest dude i'm going just regular bravo man okay i'm going no i don't even think first of all they said 3 000 people have it wait i haven't i haven't seen anybody with it well they're not going to come into work chin Chin's not here. But okay. Maybe Chin has it. Maybe Chin has it. We don't know. It's up for debate.

He says he just didn't get the call time, which I find hard to believe. Everybody else got it. Chin's usually pretty on time, isn't he? Yeah. Very on time. Until you get the corona. I mean, I guess if one of us had to get it. Definitely Chin. Why are you looking at me? I mean, I guess if one of us had to get it. Definitely, Jen.

Why are you looking at me? Well, I'm just looking and thinking about each person and how much I would miss them and the effect it would have. Well, I started with you and then I just couldn't leave you. That's fair. I feel like, yeah, who would go? I don't know, man. Well, I am going to Europe soon. That's true, huh?

And it's popping over there. Is it? Oh, yeah. The things I'm doing to answer them, definitely going to Europe soon. That's true, huh? And it's popping over there. Is it? Oh, yeah. The things I'm doing to answer them, definitely going to get something. Oh, that's not coronavirus, though, dude. I don't think it's not sexually transmitted. That's human papillona. Hey, hey, hey.

You know what? We'll find out. We'll find out. Well, I know what you ain't getting, dude. Any of my beef meat casserole, son. It's a one-time thing. You have a crockpot, Kat'll find out. Well, I know what you ain't getting, dude. Any of my beef meat casserole, son. It's a one-time thing. You have a Crock-Pot, Kat? I do.

I have not used it, though. Wow. Crock-Pot's very older. In Asian cultures, they use them a lot, right? In Asian cultures? I feel like you just kind of have your grandma chill out by the stove. You guys use steamers. The steamers? The steamers?

What do you mean? To make rice. Like what do you mean? Like making a blouse look better? Yeah, don't you guys use rice cookers? Yeah, we use rice cookers. I wouldn't call them a steamer.

Well, they're steaming the rice. That's true. Dude, we have, when I first moved here, we got an apartment over off of Pico and it was me and my buddy Paul. What happened to Paul?

He got involved in, he went into the magazine trade, but... Tough business these days. Yeah, it was. Boy, was that the wrong choice. It was a rough choice. What happened to Paul? He got involved in, he went into the magazine trade, but. Tough business these days. Yeah, it was. Boy, was that the wrong choice. It was a rough choice. He invests in blockbuster magazines. So, but he, we had a Asian roommate, a female.

Hell yeah. And it was cold in the apartment, dude. And she had a rice maker and she would plug it in and we would literally get over by it for heat it was real cold yeah it's struggle city it was tough and we had one poster on the wall and it said i believe or something or we had that ufo poster you know that one that is the ufo yeah it's like i'm a believer whatever yeah dude are you still eating man dude i can only eat meat and i'm sick of grilling. So you know what I've been doing lately? What?

I hit up my boys at Postmates. And what, can you get beef jerky? Any meat I want. Can you get turkey jerky? Sure. Bacon? Sure. Well, let me think of a different meat.

Steak? Damn, yeah. Tuna? Water meat? Yeah, you need some water meat. Yeah, I like it. Anything you want, dude. Anytime of the day, Postmates, your personal food delivery, grocery delivery, whatever kind of service you want year-round, man.

And are they cute? As a person that brings it, are they cute or are they... Sometimes. Sometimes you're like, are we best friends? Really? Dude, I'm just your Postmate guy, but you order so much food. I guess we are best friends. Sometimes the connection is just so good, huh?

God, booming. Do they have to leave all the time? What can they stay? They leave but then I just keep ordering and talking them. Yeah. Oh sin Henry. Yeah, it's kind of like a tax But it's really expensive. Henry. Oh 20 you give him something. He gives you some tacos He you give him something maybe I give him money 24 hours a day 365 days a year post mates will bring you whatever you want within an hour Wow, sometimes I'm taking a little longer. Let's be real when there's traffic. Yeah 24 hours a day 365 days a year Postmates will bring you Whatever you want Within an hour Wow Sometimes it might take

A little longer Let's be real When there's traffic It's fair Well look One guy delivered to me One time on a Scooter

Oh wow Yep Literally took 40 minutes For him to come up Nine blocks dude But still I got those I got those

Cucharillas No Chinca Chili The desert days The long Choros I got those cucharillas. No. Chinca. Chili. The desert days. The long. Choros.

Choros. Did it come with a Raiders jersey? Download the app for your Android or your Apple, and you can track your delivery in real time. Postmates has given you guys, King of the Stinglishes, $100 of free delivery credit for your first seven days. Wow. Yep.

To start your free deliveries, download the app and use the code K-A-T-S-2-0-2-0. That's code K-A-T-S-2-0-2-0 for $100 of free delivery credit for your first seven days when you download the Postmates app. You might as well use it. I mean, you might as well get on it. If you haven't tried it, just try it and get the free money and get the items. Make it a friend. Yeah. You might make a friend. You might make a friend.

Anything you need, anytime you need it, Postmates it. Yep. If you see Henry, tell him I said hey. What time is it? What time is it? What time is it? It's watch time. It's movement time.

Ooh, what's on your wrist? What's on your wrist? What? Oh, this old thing? What is that? I wish it was a movement i'm sick of this rolex really listen movement watches found out that you guys watches shouldn't break the bank man they cut out the middleman all right yep instead of getting a

watch and you got to go meet somebody downtown or you got to watch that movie with adam sandler and you gotta watch your back all the time stealing jewelry. You gotta watch your back, dude. Yeah, so guess what? They just dropped their first ever automatic watch. What? You know how on the watch the movement's automatic like this? That's because automatic, baby. I like that. It's time. Dude, I can't get enough of their, they have that black, what is it?

The black top collection? Oh, dude. It is frosty. The automatic watch is my personal favorite, alright? Almost 2 million watches sold over in 160 freaking countries. Yeah. Start by college dropouts. What's up now, Mom and Dad? Yeah.

Wear the inspiration on your wrist. If you're a college dropout, then support other ones. You know what I'm saying? Dude, buy the watch and drop out. Yeah, buy the watch, drop out, dude. Drop out of junior college. Drop out of community college. Dude, buy a watch, quit your job.

Yeah, go back. Let's know how it goes. Dude, wear a wig and go back to junior high, dude. Drop out of junior college. Drop out of community college. Dude, buy a watch, quit your job. Yeah, go back. Let's know how it goes. Dude, wear a wig and go back to junior high, dude. Yeah. Get a cool watch. Yeah, dude, yeah. Yeah, movement starts

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Quit looking at the sun and guessing what is going on. You're going to be late for a meeting. Yeah, quit looking at your life past you buying. Quit looking frosty, all right? It's time. You can get sunglasses, whatever you want. Go to MVMT.com slash K-A-T-S. Join the movement.

MVMT.com slash K-A-T-S. Join the movement. MVMT.com slash Kat. Now, would that Asian chick charge you guys to stand by her heater? No, she was real, real nice, dude. But we both were in love with her, but afraid to say she was very attractive. Oh, man. What a time to be alive. And what do you think she's doing? She wasn't doing us, dude.

She was having us. Bro, me and my buddy were so bad with women. live what do you think she's doing huh do you think she wasn't doing us dude she was bro me and my buddy were so bad with women sometimes we would like write notes at night and put them under her door when she was asleep and then we would have to use stuff to get the notes back out from under her door because you were like oh shit what did i do yeah yeah she never got them huh i don't know she i don't think she got them. No one wanted to shoot their shot, huh? No, dude. It was just a couple of dudes just not shooting anything, bro. Besides loads.

With a handful of shots. Besides loads in the room. It was so lonely, bro. Tough gig. What a old school way to slide into DMs, you know? Yeah, man. It really was. It was like, yeah, literally.

The oldest way. Sliding under that door mount, dude. And then you unsend the DM by trying to take it back. Notes were scary back in the day. Because if the girl got them, it was like, look at this phone. Like, what the fuck? I wrote that. Notes were scary.

Notes were scary. You'd fold it up. Yeah. Try to fold it nice. Yeah, never really. Mine was kind of bulky. Or I'd just crumble it up and throw it at him and then also i remember the girl she's out dude that's i like read it girl

and everything's misspelled on it she's like your spelling is awful yeah it's just a drawing of of a sandwich yeah she's like you want half my lunch like hey check yes or no man did i was man my best friend scott got all the girls i was the guy who had to run the note between him and the and all the middlemen you're the mule it sounds i would take the notes and just go read them by myself for a minute and then and then yeah try to pick up some game yeah that was it was like valentine's day when when you'd hand the card my they don't really do it these days but we everybody would get a card you remember you get like all the heart you pass around they'd save like the one special one for like your crush yeah it's like all right thanks for the

fucking chocolate heart dude it's so weird dude you said well she would say dude that was sure i was like all right sure she would be my be my feels just giving all the boys fucking chocolates wrong yeah uh that's for girls right little right little ruffles hey ruffles you know you can give some of these to girls right my bad guys my bad yeah. Yeah, my buddy always got the notes, bro, and I had to run those things around. Oh, it was painful, man. Sometimes it's painful when they weren't digging it. Just being that middleman. When it comes to love, being the middleman, you know?

You're basically his internet, you know? That's all I was, dude. You were just your boy's Wi-Fi. I was freaking. Ruffles the wi-fi dude run it from fucking chick to chick did any of them dig it huh did any of them dig it no one ever thanked me for bringing the note grateful bastard yeah haven't they seen the mailman what's that movie with kevin costner where he does mail postman postman oh but where are these bitches

at now that i have a freaking crock pot at my house? Yeah. All right. What's up now? What about your Asian roommate? What's up now, bitch? Yeah. What's up now?

Now that I got that beef meat casserole when I get home for one. Now you're wishing you had them notes. Yeah, girl. Yeah, sometimes it was sad back then. And then if you broke up in like fourth grade, you felt like your life was over. Kids these days have committed suicide, though. Yeah yeah they're just wild about it can't handle it anymore oh my god my heart's broken can't handle what dude social studies bro social studies you ran out of capri suns figuring out how that figuring out how a neighborhood works you're

gonna be fine dude nick how many times have you had your heart broke brother uh we went through this last time i I really had to struggle through the memory bank. I kind of peaked in grade school, middle school. I was the man. And then I went through a growth spurt, and then there was no interaction through most of high school. Then we recovered back in college. Now define the man

in elementary and middle school. I had my pick of the litter. Alex ******, I'm going to beep out all these names. Leave them in, I think. Leave them. There's a tolerance to these beauties, dude. Catherine.

And. Yeah, I'm telling you. They probably got fucking double chins now. They're excited that you mentioned them. You're ice cold, man. We're talking about some real Wisconsin cheese goddesses, bro. Oh, yeah. We're talking about that sharp cheddar.

You know what I'm saying? We called them cheese curds. Yeah. Oh, yeah. We're talking about that sharp cheddar. You know what I'm saying? We called them cheese curds. Yeah. Short, thick. Amanda Swiss. Ooh. A lot of beauties, man. What about you, Kat?

What was that young love like for you when you were in? I didn't really have it. I was super shy until I was in high school. And then I met one dude, liked him a lot, and spent 10 years with him. Wow. Oh, wow. You guys freaking. That was a man that they just exited each other's lives recently.

Wow. Wow. What a love story. I find one person that I like and I keep them. I keep them for a long ass time. That's cool. And then I'm like, okay. Damn, this is not like how a horror movie starts.

A horror movie. That's how I heard that. A horror movie. yeah last time i heard that that's how i heard that it came from ted bundy i find one i keep them and then they're not leaving until i'm done with them do asians hoard a lot are there a lot of asian hoarders oh yeah really really especially within i think vietnamese people just because you never know what you need to take when you leave from the war, you know? You don't know what the communists are going to take from you. Wow. So you got to save it, scrounge it, keep everything. Fair point.

Damn. What about in the African-American community? A lot of hoarders or not, do you think? I don't think so. I mean, my mom didn't keep no shit. I mean, she got rid of everything. Yeah. I don't even have baby pictures, bro.

Oh, damn, dude. The youngest picture I have of me is like 10th grade. God damn, mom. That's my baby picture. Do you have any, at least did anybody do any statues of you or anything? Any drawings, any portraits or something? At Six Flags or nothing? What about it?

You think we went to Six Flags? Did anybody write down what you look like at least? Like, damn, bro. Did your write down what you look like at least? Did your mom just describe you as a kid? That's the worst, man. Oh, he's the little darkest baby, I swear. Oh, yeah, dude. Dang, man. That's crazy.

Damn, man. Come on, Mama Chappelle. Yeah, man. Damn, that's crazy, bro. You'd think you would at least happen behind a picture that was being taken somewhere else

you know maybe like friends pictures maybe maybe you're always playing the fucking guitar and skateboard and your mom's like

nah he's good yeah I don't have any like all my siblings got pictures with my mom but me damn

yeah like the like damn bro this got real sad dude i think you should host this past week i think you're on the wrong show i'll bring that 10th grade photo though i'll bring it nick do you have brothers and sisters two older sisters one of them gives colonics who runs a colonic company right yeah can i shout out move colonics yeah in runs a colonic company, right? Yeah, can I shout out Move Colonics? Yeah.

In LA? No, Minneapolis. She was smart. She brought the trend back to the Midwest. Hottest flushes in the North. I mean, I'm up there. I'll get my booty hole cleaned out. Dude, she does it all, bro. She does everything.

Oh, yeah? Yep. Wet wall, dry wall. I mean, they do everything, right? Yeah, but she's a purist. She doesn't do any of those flavored enemas. Only straight, unfiltered tap or what do you call it when you do something special to the water but it's it's not flavor

yeah sure distilled oh wow now now people are doing flavored uh enemas yeah coffee's big uh Menthol Maybe Cert for a certain And you can taste it? Huh? And you can taste it? From your booty hole? If you're a real freak You can I'm not sure Only Brendan

Tries to taste it Are there carbs in it? And she actually She's franchising She moved to Hawaii And she's got her business Running in Minneapolis And now she's trying to Wash butts in some dirty assholes in Hawaii.

Damn, we're in Hawaii too. Trying to get this asshole clean, man. Yeah, man. What island? Maui. Well, damn, I think that's where we're going to be. It's Kauai. Kauai.

Big difference. Kauai, there's like seven people on there. She's probably not washing too many booty holes out there. You don't think? Nah, there's not too many people. Well, I just can't believe that people, I guess people just think the inside of their, I guess your butt just gets so dirty, I guess. There's a lot of stuff going on there.

Have you ever done it? I've never done it, man. I've seen it done. I've never even seen it done. I've just heard someone talk about it and not, I didn't even listen that much. Yeah, me neither. I kind of checked out, but that's all I've heard is seen it done. I've just heard someone talk about it and nod it. I didn't even listen that much. Yeah, me neither. I kind of checked out, but that's all I've heard is people do it. I heard it's not that grape-free, and I've heard it's grape-free.

You know? It's kind of both. I feel like if you're doing anything too much, it could get a little problematic, but one rinse might not be that bad. I'm personally exit only. Yeah, and have you ever gotten one done by your own sister? Exit only. Dang.

And Nick is very adamant about that. I know, yeah, he said ex-adon. Obviously. He's like, you had kind of a bad experience before, huh? Yeah, dude. Name the church on the count of three. When you said you were the man in middle school, what happened in high school? What happened prom night, bro, with that asshole?

Rough times, man. A whole lot of nothing, actually. Yeah, I think assholing became real popular, think in a past decade i feel like people weren't into their assholes that much before that just the gay community they stay on that booty do they yep and then it finally came around to the to the straights i feel like a lot of the gay community is more oral sex probably than actual butt activity oh i don't know because you can't just run off and just bang somebody in the butt like in a you know in a yeah you can at like a you know uh dave and busters or something yes you can they do that's exactly what they do perfect name too dave and bust meet dave then you busted david busts uh-oh oh no does he have a mask on

there he is dude what's up we thought you had the corona chin the korean willie loman right there what's up chin missed the email virus. That's it. Oh, the missed email virus. The Mac movie virus. But everyone else saw it. Jesus. Everybody. You're the only one. And you're the only one with glasses. No, I want to know for serious, though, in the Asian community,

is there more of a fear of coronavirus? To me, it feels like it's just a news thing. It doesn't feel that real. Well, 5,000 people over there have it. Apparently, according to a news channel that sells advertising well where do they sell it huh well i mean they the commercials and well also the government's canceled flights over there and they can't come here we can't go there so you think the airlines won't lose all that money i don't know you're that big of a conspiracy

well the airline wouldn't have a airline because of legal reasons they have to react if that's it because then if somebody says that they get something because of them so for legal reasons they have to do that they're still losing millions and millions upon millions dollars every day they can't fly there at all is that true do you guys know anything you're not telling us there's no i was supposed to go to korea in april when you're on uh on tour uh-huh i was thinking about it. Okay. And then now that's like the second highest thing ever, right? Coronavirus.

But are your families more worried or something? Hell yeah. If they're over there, they're super worried. My parents are worried here. They were going to go to Korea too, so they're not going. But also the homeboy who got it in Irvine was the first case in California. He got it in Irvine. Who, Uriah Faber?

What? Who are you guys talking about? No, it was just an older dude in an old folks home, but someone, him or his daughter got back from China. That's how he got it. Really? That's crazy, man.

I want to see a picture of somebody that has it. Do we have any images of someone that has it? What are they doing? You can find them. You didn't see the Chinese people falling down in China, remember? Yeah. But there's foaming at the mouth. Foaming at the mouth. Yeah.

That was a foam party, dude. That's a movie. That's Spring Break, I think, with Jason Franco. That's Parasite. Yeah. You guys are nuts. I'm just wondering. Cool.

Go to China. Find out. Go to China, Theo. Let me know how it goes for you. I went to China. They don't seem like. Go to China. Find out. Go to China, Theo. Let me know how it goes for you. I went to China. They don't seem like they don't get. I think. You haven't been there recently.

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Oh, bro. I got that L-dub, son. He won't wake up, bro. I always hit snooze. I'm like, now's not the time, bro. It's time to wake up and get to popping. I even got my wiener a watch, dude. It's still late.

Dude, my wiener's always late. I'll just inject coffee right into my dick hole. It's not working, man. He won't wake up, bro. Dude, don body's always like, I'll just inject coffee right into my dick hole. It's not working, man. He won't wake up, bro. Dude, don't inject it. Just rub it around the gums in your wiener hole. Oh, that makes sense, dude. You're nuts, man.

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Big meat. And I think here's a lady right here. Oh, she has Corona? It's just we're going to go right into King of the Sting because it's so applicable and we're stepping all over it. Okay. What's up, my dudes? Theo?

Brenda? She said, mm, it just got deleted. Brenda. What's up, my dudes? Theo, Brenda. This is Tabitha. I'm calling in from Connecticut with a real timely King and her Sting it for you. The coronavirus. Everyone is freaking out about this shit right now.

But what I want to know is what you guys think about it. Do you think that it's a real threat to humanity? King and her Sting it. Love you guys. Gang, gang gang buzz buzz Tabby, huh? Coming in hot there What do you really think, Brendan?

Be honest, because I feel like sometimes you're not even being honest I think Corona's definitely real But I think this white girl in Connecticut Doesn't have to worry about it That's what I think No, it's not going to get there Yeah, it's real It's not going to get to Connecticut? No, who's going to go no it's not gonna get there i think it's a fucking real yeah it's real it's not gonna get to connecticut no i won't get who's gonna go to connecticut no one goes

there somebody's gonna do shows or you work for espn that's it dude no one's going to fucking connecticut have you been to hartford dude yeah man i've been around okay you know i've been around um it's real i'm not conspiracy theory i don't't. I think. Here's the other thing, though. It's not as scary as a lot of other stuff like SARS and all that shit. But it's a problem for sure. I'm not one of those guys like, oh, government fucking making this up. And, you know, go to China. Then go to China. Let me know how it works out.

Go to China. It'll be fine. Go to China. Let me know. I would go to China if I was going to China. I'd go. You can't. You can't get there. Good. Good. I'm happy I can't go to China, dude. I've been to China and let me know how it is. I would go to China if I was going to China. I'd go. You can't. You can't get there.

Good. Good. I'm happy I can't go to China, dude. I've been to China. It's kind of whatev, to be honest with you. I've heard bad things about China. And it's not really like, you know, I don't think they're, I mean, it's a tough place to be. It's a lot of bicycling.

It's a lot of balancing. It's basically like American Ninja Warrior kind of practice. At all times. At all times. 24-7. I'm not joking. You want to get on the train? You can have jumps through some hoops.

Yeah. Dang on some cords. Yeah, there's people, yeah, sleeping on top of other people. What? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Some guys, four guys are walking like in a line, and one dude's getting rest, just sleeping across their shoulder.

Human service. It's crazy, bro. There's no... They got it. Dude, you walking in China, bro, somebody dies on a sidewalk, they make a soup right there. Bam. Seven people have lunch, and they keep it cruising. They're not...

They're not like an individual type of place. It's not like, who are you, who are you, who are you? It's just this... Oh, they're group it's just moving yeah you're seeing the way they get into trains where they shove each other in the trains then one dude the biggest dude will open his mouth two people will jump in his mouth like a grouper fish i don't watch many videos on china so you gotta get out thanks for enlightening me you gotta get out you gotta diversify man you don't want to go over there. Yeah, get out of the cheer gym, dude.

Now I'm stuck on Little House on the Prairie, bro. Come on now. Yeah, there it is. Look at that shirt. Oh, it's a shirt? Yeah, I'm obsessed with it. What, Little House on the Prairie? You're a fan?

Yes. What? Why wouldn't I be? That's what I... Bro, you're preaching to the choir. Oh, you love it. Oh, I love it, dude. Oh, Charles Angles, baby.

Yo, when homegirl went blind. Oh. Sad. Yeah, we watched it right before Thanksgiving. My family watched that when they hit us. Little House on the Prairie. They should hit us. Yeah, can you bring a blind girl?

I've never seen one episode of that bullshit. What? Never. Never. Cat, have you? I have not. Nope. Chin, have you?

I have. You watched it? Of course. You're a fan? Thank you. I was growing up, yeah. Yeah. I think I'm too young for it.

What? Way too young for it. Look how fine she is. Oh, that's the lady that just called in. She went blind, dude. That was the lady who was asking us about coronavirus. She went blind. God, she got kicked by a horse, didn't she?

Something random like that, yeah. It was sad. Man, fuck all this noise. And the fire took their family. Did you watch Charles in Charge? I watched Charles Ingalls, brother. Charles in Charge. You want to see Charles in Charge, dude?

It happened on Little House on the Prairie. Nah, fuck that noise. When they almost moved to Mankato, you don't know anything. I don't watch that bullshit, dude. Bullshit? What do you mean? Look at her right there having a baby and being blind. Could you imagine that? Could you imagine, Brendan, being blind and having a baby at the same. Could you imagine that? Could you imagine, Brendan,

being blind and having a baby at the same time you insensitive animal? Now don't get down to this bullshit show. What? I'm Charles in Charge, step by step, all right? Family matters. Come at me when you're watching real shit, bro. What?

All right? Step by step? You ever heard step by step? The Jane Fonda workout videos? Nah, bro. Step by step. ever heard Step by step The Jane Fonda Workout videos Nah bro Step by step Day by day I don't know the lyrics But I know

And they show him On a roller coaster The whole time Like yeah Coincidentally He had Suzanne Summers Who was another Fitness icon

That's true She was the mom But she had like Eight kids And he had eight kids Then they got together And then there was one Like real older one Who was always running shit.

Yeah, but did they battle smallpox, dude, with barely even a working stove? They beat Corona back then. And Cody lived in the van. Yeah. Well, Albert Engels wasn't even really their son, dude, and they took him in. Yeah, Cody lived in the van, but Cody was like 30. And he lived right outside the house. And he was preying on the two

hot sisters all the time like trying to fuck him it's very strange he had a very bro voice too like yo what's up yeah he was like hey what's up hey and then he knew then he knew martial arts remember i remember that too who's martial arts i think it was played by simon rex I think it was played by Simon Rex. Was it? But it's the same vibe. Wouldn't surprise me. Same vibe. Yeah.

He's always real older. Step by Step was the shit. You said Family Matters, dude. That was a hot one. Family Matters was so good, man. So good. They don't let guys, they don't let people show their talent that much anymore in sitcoms and stuff. It's all kind of like, you know, it's just bad.

It's all family shit. it's all kind of like you know it's just about like it's just bad family shit it's all fake though but they don't let like characters really like they let these guys be characters when urkel turned into bruce lee i sure don't you don't no i didn't get that episode i sure haven't gone got any cheese you remember that got any cheese did i do that there he is right there wow 12 years a slave he was in. You sure he wasn't in Django? What is this, man? Yeah, that's a little bit.

I don't remember that episode. Oh, it's a, dude, classic. That show was great, though. That show was so great. Carl was great. Eddie Winslow, the brother. He could never kind of get it together, man. He never knew what was going on.

Dude, there's that. There's Fresh Prince. And then there's Full House. Those shows were so. Never knew what was going on. Dude, there's that. There's Fresh Prince. And then there's Full House. Those shows were so much better than what we got today. Just the 10 of us was good, bro. Remember that? The guy had 10 daughters, bro. Just the 10 of us?

No, he had eight daughters and a wife. Look at that. Look at that, bro. Damn, why was Urkel swole? Look at his grandmother. This is an actual episode of Family Matters? Yeah, dude. He had that little machine, and he would turn into, you know, they'd pull it down, and he'd turn into Bruce Lee, and he'd beat up these white Crips.

Oh, wow. I didn't know there was white Crips. Wow. I didn't know that existed. Remember his car? I mean, his little weird car? He did? Yeah, he had a weird shuttle or something, huh?

It was like the first smart car. Look at just the had a weird shuttle or something huh it was like the first smart car look at just the 10 of us though dude that was the jam oh they had one little boy is that will sasso it looks like a man tv was better back then it was on the afternoon it was that full house and then cartoons before that you had gummy bears tail spin well if you got up early then you got to watch this yeah little house in the prairie house of michael landon rest in peace god we didn't have that in the crib all right pete beautifully smoked a lot of cigarettes though and that's what took him they say he's got a hollywood star yep yep what did you watch growing up cat uh i watched a lot of full house a lot of friends freshmen to-Air. I watched one-on-one.

Moesha. Moesha. Wow. I think that's about it. Yeah. One-on-one. What was that? It was a black show.

Yeah, it was a black show. Yeah. They used to have it on T-Nick. No, it was that girl who voiced Penny Proud from The Proud Family, Kyla Pratt. I have no idea what you're talking about. What about Hey Dude did y'all ever watch that I don't watch Hey Dude Nick that was a little bit

before your time did you ever watch All That Amanda Bynes that's where she got her start that's right I heard she's good now she's sober

you ever see her in any meetings no I tried to invite her to be on the podcast but she hasn't she hasn't replied probably a hard no she just got engaged

she just got engaged to a guy. You can see it on her Instagram. This is my boyfriend. He's amazing. Have you seen the video? I haven't seen it. She speaks so matter-of-factly. She speaks so matter-of-factly.

She's amazing. She was wiling out for a second. Legit wiling out. At least she got a tattoo on her face. She's still not good right now. Really? She looks perfectly normal. Now, how do you classify this as not good, Chin? I want to know where you're coming from.

When I saw the video. When I saw her talking. Oh, let me see the video. I'll be the judge of this. She just got married because someone told her to or something. Well, let's go to the video with her and the man, Charles, if we can. Let us judge, Chin. Here we go.

Right there in the center. That's the video. Whatever. I'm Mrs. is Paul my fiance I'm so lucky as you can see what's up he's also the best person on face of the earth but I just wanted to post a video to say I'm

sorry to everyone whom I called ugly on Twitter I was feeling so ugly at the time and it was really hard for me to express myself at the time because I was so drugged out and now I've remained sober for over a year Wait what you know that I love you guys and I'm so happy now. I feel like I got what's mine and That might be sober man, yeah Yeah, definitely not, though. But I like the positive attitude.

Yeah. You don't get a tattoo on your face and get sober. You know what I'm saying? I don't know, dude. The younger generation is doing that. She's not that young. Yeah. She ain't like a little oozy young.

You know what I'm saying? Bro, this is the last time people are going to be using our faces. We're going to be like the last generation of people that had faces with no tattoos. It's going to get... it's starting to become regular You know, what's her name Rosa? Um, oh my god thug Rosa or whatever Fucking what's her drug rose thug wrote no Rose Rose McGowan. No amber rose amber rose. She was dating a queen

Drug rose they call her, is her nickname. Yeah, because she got famous from Kanye. She was a stripper, got famous from Kanye. She got a tattoo on her face. God, she fucked up. It says Shia LaBeouf or something. God, she fucked up. It's both of her sons' names.

Yeah. Hash, and what was the other one? Slash and Bash. Slash and Bash. She's so pretty. Why the fuck would you do that to your face, man? But that's what I'm saying, bro. This is the end of regular skin. We're going to have different. she's so pretty why the fuck would you do that to your face man but that's what i'm saying bro it's

it's getting to where this is the end of people you like regular skin we're gonna have different it's gonna be something else in the future you got to think about that brennan you can't be milling around not thinking she was so sad she was so sexy man you know she was so sexy was she she was a baddie when she was with uh kanye she was such a baddie. I don't know. I didn't see it. What did you guys think, Colter? I don't know. I mean, yeah, it's cool. I don't know.

I'm not attracted to her. Why? Because she has huge tits and a fat ass? Damn, dude. Oh, that's what it is? And what a race deserter, bro. You're race deserting. You don't think she's sexy? No, I mean, no, not really.

Wow, I mean, that's a bad pick. Come on, Nick, do me a favor. Yeah, pick another bad pick. Go that way. Come on, bro. That one? What are we doing, man? Yeah, she looks like a dude that played center for our basketball team when I was 12, dude.

Well, if you're center had them big-ass tits, tell him to holler at me. Yeah, he did, bro. He really did. He was raised by his grandparents, his boy Tommy. Wow, that does look... She does look brave. She does look nice right there. That's interesting.

She's a beautiful lady. She got the children slashing bash, dude. You know? And there's slash. Yeah, and there's... Slash and bash. Maybe that's why she named him Slash. Probably.

Yeah, and the baby daddy is Wiz Khalifa. Wow. Hmm. What do you guys think chin she's i think she's attractive but she's just too much for me yeah she's too thick yeah too much too much for you guys and that's one of the reasons i think if you really if you lighten the ass it ain't for you yeah yeah you can't be just that little uh give me that little chihuahua hump in a leg you feel me yeah you can't look like jesse lock Give me that little chihuahua humping a leg. You feel me, too? Yeah, you can't look like Jesse Lockwood out here. You'll be that Rottweiler bad boy throwing that dick game down. You feel me?

I think that's why a lot of black men have long wieners because you got to get in there. You got to drink that milkshake, bro. If you can't, you know what I'm saying? You can't be fucking shooting three-pointers all day with a white wiener on a black woman. You can't, brother. Do the math, daddy. Do the body math, son. Dude, that's the realest thing you've ever said, dude.

It's real shit. It's so real, dude. He just broke it down. He did, man. You can't get in the game if you don't got the fucking right pole. You feel me? Yeah, dude. Your pole vault with that little stud. You gotta. He did, man. You can't get in the game if you don't got the fucking right pole. You feel me? Yeah, dude. You're in pole vault with that little stud.

You got to get in there, bro. Yeah, you can't be out there just shooting darts. They're not into that, dude. That's why, man. That's genetics. That's biology, daddy. That's why they do it. That's body math, son.

That nightstick. What do you got, Nick? What else you got? Let's move on. Oh, here's that guy again. Last time he was at the game, that was completely deserted. Wondering if we enjoyed watching hockey out and winning. Wanted to know if we wanted season tickets.

Yeah, if we wanted season tickets to watch the Toledo Empties play in the fucking... Can you understand? I'll give you guys season tickets to Cleveland Little Debbies. Yeah. Seven people on the crowd. They're making the playoffs this year. Are they really? Yeah.

What do you got? Yo, what's up, boys? Listen up. It's Tom Duran back here for a little redemption after last week's Ontario rain game. Tonight, Staples Center, baby. We got DJ Snoopaloop in the back there.

Los Angeles Kings. King it or sing it. National League Hockey. You can't sing the Kings, baby. Gang, gang. Buzz, buzz. I love it, dude. Hell yeah. And that really is Snoop right there in the background. Where? I think he sent another video.

Let me see if I can find it. DJ Snoop. Well, I'll go this on the Kings, man. The Kings are not a good team right now, but they just did a big overhaul. They got rid of a lot of older guys that had some heavy contracts. They got a lot of young guys right now

that are starting to really kind of meld together. And I like the vibe, man. I think they got a good future over there for the Kings. I like NHL hockey. It's the best sport to see live. You could throw a carp on the vibe, man. I think they got a good future over there for the Cowboys. I like NHL hockey. It's the best sport to see live. You could throw a carp on the ice, dude. They used to throw octopus on the ice. Remember that?

You could still hum a damn sardine out there if you fast. You can throw any fucking animal you want, really, as long as it comes from the sea. I'll throw a little fucking stingray out there if you want. I'll fucking sneak an anchovy out in that bitch, bro. A little grouper in your grill, dog. You score a hat trick, I'll throw a fucking anchovy out in that bitch bro thing grouper in your grill dog you you score a hat trick i'm throwing a fucking puffer fish oh bro dude i'll fucking i'll fucking put a uh i'll put a damn um what is that called oh and the i'll a chokehold no i'll put a damn penguin in a hard scarf and throw that bitch out there Was that sign language for penguin? I don't know. That's the hard scarf, bro.

Rear naked choke. Yeah, dude. I'll do that fully front and rear naked choke, bro. Fully naked. I'll shut the whole goddamn game down and throw a fucking walrus on the ice, bro.

You score a hat trick. I'll fucking empty a can of tuna out there and fucking call somebody's mom a bitch, bro. I don't give a damn what's going on there. Call call that little ice bitch what's up i'll throw a fucking hot basket of fish tenders out there son yeah i'll throw some fucking fish and chips and call your mom a fucking little buckhole dude first of all snoopaloop is fantastic.

Dude, NHL, I'm all for it. I'm all for it. Again, real hassle to get to the game, but once I'm there, I'm happy. I'm all for it. Yeah, it's a little hassle getting there. It's a beast. Yeah. And now, what's going on in some of the other cultures with hockey?

Are you guys supporting that, or what's up? You guys more cricket? I mean, black people are starting to play hockey. Yep. Suban, they got the Subanator. Suban. What's his name? I don't know his name.

Dude, whose hair looks more like Yermer Yager's? You remember him for the Penguins? Me or Theo? That Yermer. Well, it's your hair, dude. That Yermer Yager, bro. Dang. That Yermer Yager.

You got that cafeteria work of luck, boy. I just took off that net. I'm about to make you a sloppy joe. Bro, scoop me a yam, baby. What's up, baby? You know what I'm saying? You want that chocolate milk or strawberry, player? Bro, I want that square pizza, Janet.

That's what I want. I want them chicken tenders and a strawberry milk, Janet. Do you like to love that strawberry milk, we had one lady and i think something's wrong with her and she would serve the peas with a fucking spatula dude and it was just a nightmare dude those those she would try to balance as much peas as she could jeez i wonder why i have an eating problem used to give me fucking peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and tater tots seven days a week dude fuck and i would wash it down with strawberry milk then they give us those those apple pies and i always went where were you at lunch at mcdonald's

oh this was that this that fucking public school food man dude we didn't have that we had pizza or round pizza tell your mom to switch it up dude what's up dude i went to free lunch for breakfast bro fuck dude that shit was good. My favorite is when we're standing in line, and then you didn't know what you were going to get. And then when you get there, my favorite was the peanut butter and jelly. Just two pieces of white bread with about two inches of peanut butter. And then just a little jelly. So that's how I like my peanut butter and jelly these days.

My mouth's watering. There you go, boy. So you know what he's into. I'm into thick beat about what else you gotta do but i say sting the coronavirus that's fair that's what i say if it's real or not we don't know but we're gonna sting it but i think yeah until i lose until somebody until we really lose somebody and you see somebody go down from it that's when i think we'll get concerned and that's when i think it's just gonna really hit the fan so that's why i think you gotta have a weapon you gotta have a little bit of something at the house to take care of yourself you need a first aid kit you need a thing of potatoes a bag of potatoes or something casserole yeah casserole because shit could get heated bro yeah we we need somebody we know to catch this virus see how real it is

yeah 80 people get it survived, though. Mild symptoms. Yeah. Educate yourself. Word. Should we move on to a little race my case? Yeah, let's do it. This one was all listener and viewer submissions.

They did a good job. The first one, a 23-year-old man who works as a sitter for a blank hospital is facing charges after getting caught sucking a sleeping patient's toast hell yeah he was arrested for battery on a person 65 years or older the victim told police they woke up around 11 p.m and felt someone touching their foot hell yeah uh they thought it was a nurse initially but it happened two more times and when they looked up the perpetrator was kneeling over them with their lips on the hill he did take a knee though yes he did take a white guy it's a white guy it's a white guy

yeah easy if it were a brother he would have lit a couple candles he does some chocolates or something he would have been it would have been a full plan yeah if it's just a miscellaneous some guy sucking on a foot I don't know dude that's that's some white shit sucking on random feet but it's also a hospital it's a hospital worker. Yeah. Was it the big toe? Do we know which toe it was?

Because it's pink and I'm going black. I mean, the big toe looks the best. I think it's got to be the big toe, right? Yeah, I bet it does play a role. Yeah, that's such a Wisconsin answer. That big toe is probably the juiciest. Am I right? Give me that big white hitter right there.

I'm going to say, honestly, you got a lot of Polly's over there. You got a lot of... You talking about the Moanas? Huh? I'm talking about Filipinos, daddy. Oh, word. Okay? You got a lot of Filipinos in the nursing industry.

I'm going Filipino. A lot of Manny Pacquiao's, but I don't think they're sucking on toes. Filipinos ain't sucking on toes. This is white boy all goddamn day. Really? Yes really yes i don't know a lot of white people i feel like i yeah maybe okay fine i don't think i don't think okay fine did you suck on somebody's toes huh you suck on somebody's toes i probably wouldn't i don't really have time to do it well let's say you had time one night like let's say you took i wouldn't let's say you took a break between Dateline and your casserole, and just some 10 came over with their fucking pretty feet

and said, suck them, daddy. Suck them, Ruffles. Suck them. Does she have more of a female voice or your voice? Well, let me try it again. Suck them, Ruffles. Fucking suck them, Ruffles. What?

That's how she talks. Rock them, suck them, Ruffles. Fucking rock them, suck them, ruffles that's how she talks rock them suck them ruffles fucking fucking rock them sock them ruffles i'd have a little i'm not staying down there long all right you do it though i knew it but they gotta be clean i ain't licking some sweaty feet no they're clean bro i saw your mouth watering when we brought it up what else what do you think cat um i'm gonna go with black only because the only time i heard about guys sucking on girls' toes was when I was like 10 watching I Love New York. And there was a bathtub scene where the guy sucked on her toes. So now I think when I think of like toe sucking, I think black dudes.

That's fair. And in the Snoop Dogg, Dr. Dre song, one ride, one suck on my toes. Oh, you're beeping stuff out this week. Eight mile mix back. You want another crack at it, bro? Is that what's going on? Now you're beeping out things? Yeah, wow.

All these N-words and all these hoes, somebody here gonna fuck. Do you do it toes, though? One of the lines is, one riding my dick. Wiener. Penis. Yeah, it doesn't rhyme that way. Do you do it toes, though? One of the lines is, one ride in my dick, one suck on my penis. Wiener, penis. Yeah. It doesn't rhyme that way, but.

Right. One ride in my dick, the other suck on these toes. Okay, so we got two black, we got a Filipino, we got a white. Why you got a white? I'm going to say black, too. You going black, white? Yeah, black dudes love feet. Do you suck on feet?

Do I? No. You don't? That's surprising to me. I know. It is. I don't know. No one sucks on know it is i don't know i feel no one sucks on toes in here i've never done it cat everybody trying to suck on your toes no thank you i'm

good they want really the internet would i think oh yeah so yeah matter of fact i think if we if you wanted to cut one of your toes off we could sell it even if you just want to make replicas of them. We could sell them as little toys. A toe toy? Yeah. Like a flashlight. It's a toe light. Chin, what do you got? I immediately thought black, 100%.

Wow, this is surprising how racist everybody is. It's not racist, bro. It's just an image. Dude, black people, they eat wild stuff, man. Now you get a booty hole. All right, what do you got, Nick? What? France.

Beldorin. France? What? France. White. It's black. Wow. Fuck, man.

Lee County, Florida. Yeah. His name's France. He's a nurse? France. Yeah, he's a nurse, man. He's a sitter. That's a script. Oh, he's a nurse, man. He's a sinner. That's a script.

Oh, he's a sinner? That's even worse. Dang. Dang. I don't think either of us... You said Filipino. I said Filipino. I don't think you and I have ever got one of these right.

Well, good. We're not... Well... I think that's a good sign. Yeah, we're not racist. It's a good thing we're not cops, you know? Case number two. Detectives.

I think that's a good sign. Yeah, we're not racist. It's a good thing we're not cops, you know? Case number two. Detectives. A 34-year-old woman pretended to be a high school student for nearly entire school year. She posed as a sophomore. Black. She fooled teachers, classmates, and even the woman who took her in.

Black. The woman who the girl had been living with was dumbfounded. She acted like a kid. She did her homework. She got good report cards, the woman told ABC News. The woman who took her in had been the girl's

caregiver since March after meeting the woman at McDonald's where they both worked. She said the girl told her she needed a place to stay after her parents died and her sister was kicked out of the apartment. Ooh, this is tough because there's a few kind of red flags. How old was the woman?

34. The woman who took her in was 30. The girl who posed as the sophomore was 34. Here's the thing. A couple things here, detective. Let's put on true detective caps. Here's the thing here. Okay.

I don't know too many white girls who are 34 who could pass as high school students. A white girl, yeah, out. Unless she's real tiny, you know. Asians really don't age. And then black girls, too. They don't age until they get to a certain... Age. Yeah.

I was trying to think of another word besides age. I know. I don't want to double down on age, but you finished it. I respect it, man. Teamwork. There wasn't one. Yeah, it was teamwork. Nice alley-oop.

Yep. So what are you trying to say then? She's doing a lot of homework. She's doing like a ton of homework. She even kept up a presence on social media. She posted for selfies. Is it Quaden Bales, dude? That's what I want to know.

It is not Quaden Bales. I'm going to go Asian. I'm going Asian because. that's what i want to know uh it is not quaden bales i'm gonna go i'm gonna go asian i'm going asian because a lot of homework gave it away the homework but also the thing at the end the sister got kicked out of the home that's a very kind of asian kind of thing or something i don't think there's a lot of some cultures where they eliminate the female child so i felt like that was a little bit of possible giveaway especially at an older age yeah and also just because some of the aging white people age a lot more

white people age like fruit you can see it dude you gotta cut into us in a couple of days but we go bad man so that's where I'm at I'm 14 years old what do you think Kat I'm gonna go with

Asian just because this sounds like every K-drama ever. K-drama? Yeah, like Korean dramas. Is that like K-pop? Kind of like Asian television novellas. Oh, there you go. Korean dramas. They sound nice.

And you're seconding this, Jen? 100% Asian, yeah. Yeah, Asian, Asian, Asian, Asian. As soon as I heard the homework and all that stuff. Homework. Okay. Charity. Wow.

Oh, my God. Hold up. The girl on the right. Same girl. The fucking Warren Sapp on the right. Someone bought that. She's in high school. In what world?

She's on the left. She dials up. She looks pretty good. Oh, my God, dude. Yeah, no shit. She got busted. Now, I can see that she's a Rubenesque woman. Sometimes when you are bigger like that, you can kind of hide.

You can kind of hide a little bit. You don't know. Apparently, she was hiding on Monday Night Football at Booger McFarland. Damn. little bit you don't know you apparently she was hiding on monday night football at booger mcfarland damn but here's the fucked up part why are you busting them they're going to school she can't learn what's the cry somebody's working at mcdonald's and going to school and now they're going to jail and doing a ton ton of homework and getting good grades. That's a great point. All she was charged with was failure to show identification. She got a $500 fine. She got that busted mugshot, though.

Yeah, why they got to do it like that on the mugshot? But also, that's on her. For a $500 fine. That's on her. She looks that way, you know? Yeah, but you get ready for school every day all 100. You know what I'm saying? In the middle of the night, she might have had a test the next day.

They might have got her in the middle of the night yeah let's let's crack this case yeah they might have got to go fucking police officer might have got her after a rough key club meeting yeah you just never know yeah thank you guys for getting the key club reference you were i was too what was it it was a volunteering club where you would just be able to put on your college application. Nerd alert! What? You were in Key Club? I was in it. I just didn't know what we did, but I definitely went to it. You sure look like some

friends. Yeah, I even went to like the convention or something. I just don't know what we're doing. What would you guys do, Kat? It's just extracurricular stuff, so you can sign up to volunteer for like working at marathons handing out water bottles just little things like that helping the community damn i thought it was for say i thought it was for singing because i always remember thinking who the fuck is singing bro

because we never sing yeah you thought maybe it was a debate club or some shit no no i remember the debate club thing but this was i thought it was singing bro but whatever man i'm so confused what it is i can see how you thought that because the key you want to sing on key yeah i got you bro thank you man and you were the only one singing yeah i'm out of here yeah yeah i thought it was for locksmith did you the key club yeah The Key Club, yeah. Bad joke, bad joke. We'll cut that out. I have too much control. We're on the last case, and this will round out the show. Case number three. A woman was arrested after angrily screaming at a Tim Hortons server before she leaned against a wall, pulled down her pants, and defecated on the floor.

A white girl. Crazy white girl didn't get her coffee. She then picked up her feces and flung it at the floor. A white girl. Crazy white girl didn't get her coffee. She then picked up her feces and flung it at the employee. Hell yeah. And then wiped her butt with napkins and threw those as well. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. That's the worst of throwing the napkins. They don't even go far.

They do if you got dookie on the end. Yeah, but they travel a little farther. What was that game? The game with the red... Oh, Badminton? Badminton. It's like Badminton, but with shit. The shuttlecock. Yeah.

It's white girl all day. This is so easy. Also, I get it. Tim Hortons or coffee sucks. I love Tim Hortons. That shit's so weak. You know who Tim Horton was? Yeah, I do.

Canadian great fucking hockey player. Yeah. The old Timmy Horton. And he died. Makes bad coffee, though. I think he died, but he might not have. But what I will say is that I think, yeah, this is a white woman, probably drug-induced. I'm guessing somebody on drugs.

Not me. Tim Hortons. No, I got to be honest. I relate to this. Sometimes when my coffee's taking too long and that shit comes weak, I want to shit on the floor. I get it, dude. And too bad, dude. A long time ago, you could shit comes weak, I want to shit on the floor. I get it. And too bad, dude. A long time ago, you could shit on the floor. You could shit on the floor and leave. That's basically leaving a bad review.

It was basically the original Yelp. Most people shit after their coffee. Yep. Not this lady. She's like, I'm going to show you. This is the easiest case we've had. White girl. All day. I'll go white. I agree. Yep. I'll go white. Yeah, I agree. White.

I'm going to say white because it sounds like this punk rocker I know named Gigi Allen. Oh, Gigi was shitting? Oh, on stage and he'd throw it at people in the crowd. Oh, dude. Yeah. He would shit on stage and throw it at the crowd? Yes. What a great experience.

What a VIP experience. I mean, he did but yeah i say white white the unknown uh name of the assailant she was white wow too easy and we do have video i don't know if i'd love to see it she looks like she has her shit together no pun intended i'm gonna sit in here while you guys watch it okay see she has like a nice scarf she has jewelry on she's not homeless i don't think she's drugged either she looks like she was headed to fucking i don't know maybe a nice day at like ikea going to pick up a coffee she'll see yelling she said you know what you know what

she sounded like she wanted to use the bathroom. They said no. Oh, wow. All right, I'm going to look away now. Oh, yeah. Okay. Tell me what's happening. Oh, wow. The guy's like, man, please. Oh.

What happened? Oh. What happened? She dropped a hot, hot pile of shit on the floor. Bro, bro. And then picked it up. Can you not say it like that? Say it a little bit easier. Then picked it up like a fucking hacky sack and threw it on the floor. Can you not say it like that? Then picked it up like a fucking hacky sack and threw it at the dude.

There was no hesitation when she picked it up. Pretty good arm. Decent arm. She didn't even look back. That's evolution. You were right. The napkins did not go over well. They kind of just fizzled. That's the tough part about doing that kind of thing. You don't really think about that, you know?

When you got explosive diarrhea, man, you got to go. Do you? That's how it ends, brother. That's how this ends, dude. That's how it ends. Maybe that Tim Horton. Tim Horton. Shout out to Timmy Horton.

Is that it, Nick? Yeah, and those were sent in by Sean, Trip, and another Trip. That can't be right. Trip on Trip. Our listeners, thanks for sending those in. Yeah, thank those were sent in by Sean Trip and another trip. That can't be right. Trip on Trip. Our listeners, thanks for sending those in. Yeah, thank you guys. Double Trip, man. Oh, I met the guys.

Remember the guys that sent in the boat video? They were on the boat. Oh, the two bros? Yeah. Yeah. They're like in... Nicaragua. Yeah.

I met them this weekend. Were they nice? Yeah, they were nice guys. They looked the same. They looked the same. I couldn't remember if they had sunburn or not. Dude, I found out Little Browse lives in Encino. No way.

I walked out to his music in Tacoma, man. Did you? The crowd went nuts. It gets stuck in my head a lot. Oh, dude, I play it. I have it on my phone now. I play it. Browse, Browse, Browse.

Yeah, he's very good. He's very good for a rapper. We'll find out next week if he beat Don. Oh, yeah, huh? Don out of browse, browse. Yeah, he's very good. He's very good for a rapper. We'll find out next week if he beat Don. Oh, yeah, huh? Don out of Louisiana, baby. Don was fresh, too, dude. Don beat Papa Bear in the initial vote. He did?

Papa Bear with the lantern? Lighthouse. Lighthouse, thank you. No, the dick tap. It was a lighthouse. Call it what it is. He's going to shoot this place up. Okay?

I'm going to call it a lighthouse. Is he trying to get the lighthouse finished, or what's he trying to do with it? We'll get in touch with Papa Bear. I like him as a staple of the show. He's good. I like Papa. See what he's doing. Maybe we'll help get some of that tattoo done for him.

Fly him out here. Is that it, bro-sif? That's all I got. I'll be in Maui this weekend. Oh, damn, dude. Hey, I told you. Glaze them buns, dude. Get out in the sun. I am. Glaze them buns for us. I'll be in Maui this weekend. Oh, damn, dude. Hey, I told you. Glaze them buns, dude. Get out in the sun.

I am. Glaze them buns for us. I am. Enjoy Maui, bro. Yeah, I'm excited about it. And I probably won't get the coronavirus because they don't have it. They have nothing there. You just got to make sure you don't surf on the wrong beach and get beat up by the locals.

Other than that, mahalo. Yeah. Go visit my sister. Saltwater vatos. Yeahatos yeah hey get your asshole cleaned up my sister oh nice man yeah maybe i will film it put on the grant that's on the house oh thank you oh wow that's nice of you i'm also in maui i don't know i'm in the i'm not there till june move colonics bro now we colonics dude uh i'm in next week february 13th i'm in next week, February 13th. I'm in Atlanta.

March. Jesus Christ. March 13th. I'm in Atlanta Buckhead Theater. And then March 14th, next Saturday, I'm in New Orleans. Oh, nice. New Orleans, dog. Then after that, the following week after that, I'm in Austin, Texas, Cap Cities.

Let's do it. Chappelle, be there with me. Yeah. Cap City, baby. Let's do it chappelle be there with me yeah cap city baby cap city cap cap long gang man horns baby long beautiful place cap city's fun i'm excited for new orleans yeah dude that'd be great man where you at over there do you know i don't know some theater it's gonna be fun there's some place you've done before i've only done one show there oh in new Orleans, really? Yeah.

Or do you want to go back there more? Home show's always weird, huh? Yeah, I think so. New Orleans is a weird comedy town. It's a weird comedy town. Although you, Alan, Mark Norman are from there, so kind of booming, you know? Yeah, I think it would be fun to go back and do it again. I did the O'Keefe Theater. Didn't you?

Well, you did something recently for your boy, Dustin Poirier, right? Oh, yeah, we did it down in Lafayette. Did you guys raise money and then buy a bunch of shoes? Ten grand. He bought a bunch of car seats. and then bought a bunch of shoes? Ten grand. He bought a bunch of car seats. Their foundation bought a bunch of car seats for people that didn't have them. Oh, that's cool, man. For kids.

He's supposed to fight in May, by the way. Is he really? Maybe hooker. Yeah. That's what I'm hearing. So we'll see. In San Diego. We'll see.

Maybe we go down the night before and do a show down there. That would be pretty dope. Do a live King's Sing before? Yeah. That's not a bad idea. San Diego? That's the spot, dude. I'd be so into that.

I'd be into that. All right. Atlanta, New Orleans. See you soon. Dang, that works. Wow, that's loud.