The Golden Hour - Episode 7

Episode Date: February 6, 2019

Theo loses use of one eye and Brendan finds it inspiring. The guys talk awkward first kisses, Kool-Aid lips, beefy aunts, eye advice, fake Starbucks in Jamaica, gauged ears, emo sister from The Incredibles, Friends vs Seinfeld, to use or not to use blinkers and much more!Go to Audible.com/kats or text [kats] to 500500 and listen for a change.Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

oh yeah it's the bee sting king and the rat king what up dog what's up play playboy? Not much, bro. Good to see you, man. Well, can you see me? Yeah, I can see you. Why? What are you talking about? Oh, dude, you've been on set.

Are they remaking Hook? Nuh-uh. I'm not remaking Hook. Are you not Bangarang Rufio from Hook? Bangarang, bro. Bangarang Rufio? What? Are you talking about my handicap?

I'm talking about your eye patch. Yeah, I have on an eye patch, dude. I'm challenging myself because a lot of everybody's always running around with two eyes. Look at you guys. Look at him fucking with both of his eyes. A bunch of fucking weasels, bruh. And it's time for you guys to step

game up and challenge yourselves. Haven't you ever heard of the guy who fights with one hand behind his back? Nope. Well, there is that guy. He's around. And that's who I am right now. And I got this eye patch on and I'm rolling on one today, dude. You know what I'm saying? I'll fuck all y'all up with one eye, bro.

Yeah, maybe. Yeah. Yeah. I guess it's cool. I figured you came off the set of Hook, the remake, or Pirates of the Caribbean, and you're like an extra and you're Johnny Depp's partner. Dude, there's some very- You look like Jack Sparrow's side piece. That's what you're like an extra, and you're Johnny Depp's partner. Dude, there's some very- You look like Jack Sparrow's side piece.

That's what you look like right now. Bro, there's some- Why do you have earbuds, dude? Oh, do I? I didn't realize that. Sorry. You know, you're gone full Hollywood. I'm sorry.

I wasn't even talking to you. What'd you say? I'm on- No, it's my agent. Yeah. We're live. Wow. Bro, I-

I've been on set for one day. It comes with a fucking bedazzled eye patch and earbuds. Wow. Bro. I've been on set for one day. Comes with a fucking bedazzled eye patch and earbuds. Wow. Bro, you got to go hard these days. You know, you got to challenge yourself. And I tell that to everybody, all you young men out there and young women and people in the middle, all them, you know, mixed crotch bad boys out there. What I'm saying is this. Challenge yourself. Okay. Tie one of your legs behind your back. You know, uh, mixed crotch bad boys out there. What I'm saying is this challenge yourself.

Okay. Tie one of your legs behind your back, you know, put a, um, tuck your dick between your legs and bulldog. You're not. Yeah.

For a day. Yeah. For a day. How they live. Check it out. Walk backwards. You know what I'm saying? Uh,

do an eye patch. Um, tie one of your hands. So your mouth shut. Yeah. Glue one of your arms to your side, do different stuff and challenge yourself. Don't just be doing what you're doing all the time, man.

It's inspiring. Thank you very much, man. I appreciate it, bro. It's inspiring, bro. It's that Rat King, boy. You know, sometimes that, you know, I don't need two eyes, bro. You could not, and I'm not even trying to clown it. You could not look anymore like the real life Rat King from Ninja Turtles.

He had an eye, Patrick. Really? I think so. He had something eye, Patrick. Really? I think so. He had something over his eyes, if I recall. Dude, I'm devolving right into it. Damn. True life. I'm the real Rat King.

MTV's new series. It's getting bad here. He did have something over his eye. Yeah, he had some issues, too. Oh, wow. He's swolled up, though. Very swolled up. You guys dress similar.

Look at his legs, too. Very nice. Cockatiel on him, too. Damn. Get your dick out of though you guys dress similar look at his legs got a cockatiel on him too damn get your dick out of my face rat man very nice legs but no i look i'm just yeah look shit's getting hectic out there you know and i'm ready i'm training for the end of the world dude you're shooting right now huh bro you were shooting a pilot uh for the comedy central for comedy central how's it going it was good did Rootin' on the other day. Love Boss. So much energy. Yeah, and you stab him in his fucking eye.

Bam, bam, bing, bing, bing, bang, boom. Boom, boom, boom. Yeah, none of those sounds, dude. Boom. Boom. What is he, fucking Al Pacino? Hoorah. Is that how your eye got fucked up?

Or did Johnny Depp bust in your eye? Dude, actually, what happened was, um, the makeup girl used like a bunch, like she was using dirty tools. Oh, really? Yeah. And some eye got infected or it's just all red or it got scratched. Was she painting your eye? She was just putting makeup on the front of me, you know?

Oh, Lord. Nothing heavy, you know, nothing illegal, but just. Probably fire her, huh? Uh, yeah, she's not there anymore. So, you know what I'm saying? You can't bring dirt to people's, it can't be. I need my eyes, you know? Yeah, you got, eyes are kind of important.

Yeah. I mean, I don't need them all the time. So you got one. Oh, dude, I drove here. Yeah. Took about an hour. An hour? Yeah.

You live five minutes away. Yeah, it took a long time, dude. Oh, you got to go slow with one eye. Super one. No lefts for you. No lefts. All right turns. Oh, you got to go slow with one eye. Super one. No lefts for you. No lefts. All right turns. Oh, it's dangerous.

All right turns. And you got to lay on the horn while you drive, too. I thought you were hooking up with your girl. It's a dude. One eyes, man. Drive you nuts. Anything could happen, dude. You just thought it was a girl with a shaved head, but it was just a full shaved head?

Dude, my girlfriend in middle school had the shortest hair, and she would always try to kiss me really hard whenever, like right at the end of school. And the school bus would pull up from like the older kids' school. Yeah. And all the older, my brother and all his friends would be on it, and they would just call us just, they would just yell all these gay slurs at us. Really? Because she had short hair? Because she had short hair, and I had short hair.

Oh, man. My. It really hurt my feelings kind of. I hear you, bro. But she was also very strong, and I wish she wouldn't have. She tried to kiss me like. She's kind of a CrossFit girl, but from back then. Oh, dude, she would kind of pin me against the wall and kind of kiss me.

She was very— Oh, she was deep. She was aggressive. Oh, yeah, very aggressive. She got me by the hair and went, uh, uh, uh. Yeah, and she would lift me up onto her leg. Oh, damn. She was strong.

She would lift you up. Yeah. That's cool, though, if that's your thing. I mean, it wasn't my thing, dude. But you're going to do nothing about it? I felt like I got taken advantage of. Yeah, she was a— Would she steal your milk at lunchtime? She'd be like, I'll wasn't my thing, dude. You're going to do nothing about it? I feel like I got taken advantage of. Yeah, she was a... Will she steal your milk at lunchtime?

She'll be like, I'll take that. No, dude. You can eat your cone bread. First of all... You can eat your cone bread. Don't talk to me unless you're going to use all of the letters of the alphabet, okay? Milk and cone bread aren't things.

Let's get on with this show, dude. Hold on. My first kiss, I was dating a um a black girl and she was the hottest girl in class in middle school and um she wanted to kiss me in front of uh like the whole school i was like i'm down for this she had some big old dsls i was like oh i'm gonna be dsl she was you're both children it sounds like so sixth grade okay but dsls yeah dude let me just put this out there. Just a big old Kool-Aid lip.

Never in my life have I ever seen DSLs on a sixth grader. Okay. Nor will I ever look at a sixth grader's lip. But I was also in sixth grade. So at the time, that's the reference. Okay. This is sixth grade Brendan. Okay.

That's fair. Okay. So she had them Kool-Aid lips with a Kool-Aid smile. Oh yeah. And we went to go kiss each other. And I was like, oh, everyone's going to think I'm so cool. And then this kid, Cameron Wilson, he was kind of the bully, pulled my pants down in front of everyone

while we were making out, dude. Heartbroken. Wow. Haven't been the same since, bro. Really? Nope. I could see that. That would really launch me. Damage, bro. Damage. Oh, that would launch me now on a real wish and well of pain. Yeah. I'm alright now. Let's get into Rip My Drip.

I'm kind of sad now. Yeah. Well, we're not doing Rip My Drip today. Yeah, we are. We are? Yeah, we have some fan submissions. We can't do Rip My Drip with you because you have an eye patch, and that would be a softball game for me. So let's get into the fans first.

Demota running. But he seems like he—can you see his legs or not? He looks like he has a tramp stamp. Right? That type of fella would have a tramp stamp. He was in a frat many moons ago, but still hangs out with those guys. Oh, yeah. Still

stops by to make sure the chapter's doing well. Just falling up on my bros. Dude, he was the kind of guy. Yeah, he would GHB himself at a party, bro. Dude, who did it? I'm acting crazy. Just wake up in somebody's family in a different place.

Oh, damn, you got that? That took way too long to get out, bro. I only have one eye. I got that? That took way too long to get out, bro. I only have one eye. I know, but that took way too long to get out. Well, now I know what it feels like to be you and be very limited. He looks like he calls himself Frank the Tank. That's what he looks like based off the movie. It's like, alright, bro, we all know

that fucking guy. He looks like the life of the party, though. Yeah, he does look like the life of the party. He's got a mullet. What if he's deaf? Does it say if he's hearing impaired? It doesn't say that, no. That's a great question. He looks like somebody that also could be deaf, but handling it really well. Or blind. Really?

Yeah, with that tie and the color combination, a lot going on. The cowboy hat in the back. He thinks it's a regular, normal baseball cap. He dresses like a senior citizen, but with a fucking hard cock. He does. You know? Right, bro. He seemed like a used car salesman. And let me tell you this about this young man. He does. You know, bro, he, he, he seemed like a used car salesman.

He might, let me tell you this about this young man. If you look at this guy, you can tell that this guy obviously probably has some pending me too charges. You know, he just has that kind of vibe, but he looked to me. He looks like a rich dude who makes horrible investments.

Like he invested in flying cars 20 years ago. Yeah. Like he invested in glitter mines, which are something that our family lost about $2,000 in, dude. That'll do it, bro. Somebody came to our town with a glitter mining thing when I was young. I grew up in like the pyramid scheme belt. Makes sense. Oh, dude.

The second you even got $50, you lost in another pyramid scheme. God, terrible. He looks like that dude, though. He looks like the guy whose family invested in Blockbuster two years ago. Yeah, dude. He looks like, you know who he looks like? He looks like the coach that lived from that We Are Marshall movie. Oh, he does.

A little bit. He's got that vibe. He looks like he'll tell you his best high school days whenever you ask him. Yeah, yeah. It looks like he definitely, he's obviously still wearing all of his, he looks like he still wears his high school ring. His class ring, though? Yeah.

And he tried to give it to his girlfriend, and she left him because of it. But he also seems like a good guy. He's got a nice chifero back behind him. I'd like to party with him. He seems like the type of guy who'd buy a beer. Oh, yeah. And what's his name? John Lithgow?

No, John Lidgestrom. John Lidgestrom. He's also the type of guy who'd buy a beer. Oh, yeah. And what's his name? John Lithgow? No, John Lidgestrom. John Lidgestrom. He's also from Oahu, if that helps at all. Yeah. Whoa, this is getting interesting. This is that pineapple. I'm not buying any of it. Oh, dude, this is that pineapple cowboy right there, dude.

Dude, he is a little Moana cowboy. Oh, dude. Look at him. That Leo and Stitch cut, bro. Oh, he's in that Dallas Citrus Club, bro. Yeah, look at him. This dude is definitely, he's vitamin C-U in your dreams. It's that GHB bad boy, you know? Yeah, he's that Hawaii Five-0 bad boy.

Oh, I bet he's got a bag of hot GHB pills in his butt right now. God, he looks like the type, doesn't he? Oh, he's that border jumper, dude. Hell yeah. He looks like he kills all the hogs in Hawaii. Oh, yeah. Just that hog hunter who's too into it. Oh, this is Hog the Bounty Hunter right here, dude.

This is him, bro. Yeah. Shout out to that guy. All right, should we move on? Yeah, shout out to that guy. You guys want to jump into the debate club? Yeah, let's debate it. Hell yeah.

Hell yeah, Chin. Do you? Yes. Do you, bro? I do. Here you go. It's fucking pouring outside, Theo. It is.

I'm getting some air on my back. It's all dried out. It's a little red. Hopefully... Is it? Just the inside corner is red. Yeah. You're good, though, bro.

But that patch, man. Keep that jizz out the eye, bro. It's not jizz in there. Something's wrong with it. It's a medical issue. Dude, if it's pink eye, I'm going to freak out. Don't fuck with it. Chin, I'm not taking eye advice from you, dude.

No, dude. Jeez. God, with the optical square footage of a fucking the most limited vision in the room three square inches of eye space the guy who walked around like it's constantly fucking blood everywhere chin has to walk with his hands in front of him. The guy who pretends he's in the dark all the time just... Who said that? Dude, I'm right here, Chin. Oh, God. Yeah.

It's like he's Marco Polo. He might play Marco Polo. Yeah, he's reading small, fine print every day of his life. Oh, my God. Hashtag no racism. No racism, dude. I don't believe in racism. I don't think it exists.

KJ Lawrence. What's up, Beast? Stinging the Rat King got a debate for you. Beautiful eyes or really white teeth? What's hotter? Damn, well, you got both, homeboy.

You got both, bro. He's like Post Malone if he didn't do all the drugs in the world. That's what that guy looks like. This dude. Handsome fella. Has the teeth and the eyes.

So he's winning in both these debates. Beautiful young man. Teeth or eyes? Bro. And I'm assuming this is on women. I don't know what you're into. Anything, I'm sure. It's humans.

Most likely women, yeah. Animals? Well, I'm going to go with teeth. Really? Yeah. Dude, if you have fucked up teeth, you have good teeth, right? They're okay. Let's humans. Most likely women, yeah. Animals. Well, I'm going to go with teeth. Really? Yeah. Dude, if you have fucked up teeth, you have good teeth, right? They're okay. Let me see.

Do you have braces as a kid? I had braces as an adult. Makes sense. Clear or you had the metal racket? Teeth all day. Fucked up teeth, dude. There's nothing worse. Really?

You ever date a girl with shit teeth? Looks like she's throwing gang signs. No. You never seen that? I've seen a girl with shit teeth? Looks like she's throwing gang signs. No. You never seen that? I've seen a little bit of that, yeah, off the 10. Looks like the city skyline on their teeth. I don't like that shit. Oh, yeah, yeah, dude.

I like that a little bit. It reminds me of that movie Sleepless in Seattle, kind of, that grill, you know? Oh, when the teeth are all fucked up. With that 3-4 defense. Somebody's running a fucking nickel package. That Oklahoma package. Yeah, dude. That fucking Tampa 2 in their mouth, bro.

Name the worst eyes you've ever seen they're just like mine are dookie brown they're not distracting though yeah but you have eyes it just seemed like you know um yeah yeah you barely even notice your eyes I'm my eyes or whatever blue eyes hold on guys dude just I don't want to look at that one. Okay, I'll put the patch on it. Thanks, dude. It's kind of, you know, disturbing. Are your eyes green? Yeah, they're green, dude. Don't fucking look at them.

Mr. Steal, yo, girl. You got them emerald eyes, bro. Stay away from my girl, man. Don't know what. The green eye panty dropper in the room. You kind of fucked yourself just covering up one, though. Now you got 50% chance. Dude, don't.

You know what color my eyes are, you pervert. I didn't know they were green. Well, don't know that they are, you idiot. You don't look at... Big Trouble in Little China, holler. You're not supposed to know what color my eyes are, you freak. Dude, you look like Kurt Russell from Big Trouble in Little China with the eye patch. Well, guess what? People are handicapped, and you should start to deal with that better.

Dude, I know you had them crocodile eyes, bro. The greens. Get away from me. What know you had them crocodile eyes, bro. The greens. Get away from me. What's up, bro? Nothing, dude. Why don't you get all them DMs? Nothing's up at all. Mr. Green-Eyed, check out Hall Guys.

Bro, quit talking about it, man. Look at Hall Guys. I got these beautiful little fucking cabbage patches, bro. You got them tree frog eyes. What's up, bro? Teeth all day, though day though well who is this first of all this young guy he's coming at that angle so you could tell this is you know i mean he's got the beautiful eyes the beautiful teeth i mean this guy alone mustache oh he'd go for two thousand dollars uh you know like one of these um sex trade yeah one of these age you know these

a lot of these uh like gay eight like holly Hollywood agents are buying these men on the block on the dark web. Get it out, bro. Get it out. You know, he's that little dark web. I mean, he's a damn... Dark web diamond. Yeah, he's a dark web diamond, dude. He's like the Bobby...

God damn, bro. I've been doing drugs all day. I have one eye. Fuck, bro. You know how hard drugs all day. I have one eye. Fuck, bro. You know how hard it is to fucking do shit with one eye? You fucking greedy person with two eyes. Hey, who am I? He fucking robbed you.

He's that dog. Hey! Don't do stand-up tonight, bro. First of all, you just had an impersonation? That's the whole... That's all? Damn, bro. Don't go out tonight, bro.

Dude, that's a perfect montage of 1980s WWF right there. All in one spot, bro. I'll say this. This guy, he looks like uh who's the guy that got kidnapped the young lady that got kidnapped in denver young lady no young lady jesus this i don't even ask you any questions dude kidnapped in denver yeah he's that fucking bro hold on you one-eyed son of a bitch she got murdered no we got kidnapped they don't know she did no let's look back and see no we found her body they found her

body they did yeah in the house in boulder colorado oh wow the body was found clearly do some research okay well let's go look back at the key yes john bonnet ramsay this kid is this could be john bonnet that's post malone not on drugs that ain't, that's post Malone. Not on drugs. That ain't post Malone. That's post-op Malone, bro. This is John Bonet Ramsey, bro. Dude, he looks nothing like John Bonet. Will you pull up a picture of John Bonet, Jim? He's the worst Googler ever. I can't see, bro. Real, dude.

What are you on, Explorer? He's on Dalep Internet. Yeah. Come on, bro. Oh yeah, they look exactly the same. You one-eyed son of a bitch. Well, look at the eyes next to each other. Very similar. I guess they both have colored eyes.

You psycho. And you can tell at the angle he's going at that he is probably about 5'7". Dude, that is the biggest reach of all time on any podcast. This dude looking like JonBenet Ramsey. Okay. He looks more like Sherlock Holmes. He looks more like Morgan Freeman than JonBenet Ramsey. No, he doesn't look like either one of those guys. But look, yeah. What did he say? Blue? I mean, obviously it's like

this guy's, it says, this is a cry for help video. This guy could even be kidnapped because he's wearing no clothes and he's in a small office building. He might be fishing. He might be fishing for compliments. Teeth or eyes, bro. Teeth or eyes? I say eyes, man, because if somebody's eyes are nice enough

you don't even see the rest of them not true really not true bro if you have horrible teeth game set match it's over name the worst eye you've ever seen besides your left eye right now name the worst i've ever seen dude my life looks like it was in a gang bang right now bro and and just your eye looks like that cameraman that got busted on during a porno. It's just a fucking, it's not good. What else we got? You want to see what the fans said? Yes.

They chose eyes 60%. Told you. Damn. That's because you don't know anything. That's because everyone has fucked up teeth, bro. No. Because you got green eyes. Your eyes are the most important thing.

Don't look at my eyes and know what color they are. Get your fucking diamond green eyes off my fucking dick. What else you got? Oh my God, dude. I hate being hated. What's up, Theo? What's up, running? King it, sting it,

gang gang, buzz buzz. I'm from small town running Springs, California. Who's that? Is that Lee Syad on his lap? We argue about this for hours at work. A fucking silverback gorilla,

full grown, we're talking monster of the jungle versus a full grown killer grizzly bear. Fight to the death. Who wins? Let's hear it. The kid's cute as hell.

First of all, is that his kid or a victim of a crime? I'm going to assume it's his kid. I don't know. Is it a daycare? You know what I'm saying? They're grabbing some random kid, posting him on the internet. Kid looks like a nice kid, but... Kid looks 17.

Oh, yeah. So what is this guy asking? Silverback gorilla. Or grizzly bear. Fight to the death. I'm gonna go... Go ahead. You go first. I'm gonna go with gorilla because gorilla will eat your nuts off your body.

Preach. Rip them off. Oh, gorilla. Rip them off. You know how strong gorilla is? They could take me and Theo like this. Could they really? Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. I'm going gorilla all day. I You know how strong a gorilla is? Yeah. They could take me and feel like this. Could they really? Oh, yeah. They're that strong, bro. I'm going to feel so good on my back. I wish a gorilla would just give me a bear hug. Just rip the cum right out of me.

Dude, just fucking drain that spinal fluid into my ass. Like a slip. Oh, dude. I'd be seven years old after that. God, and just take my neck like a chiropractor. Yeah. Praise God, dude. No one needs to teach a fucking silverback how to be a chiropractor. How good would that be?

Silverback's chiro. Dude, this is a brilliant idea. I could see it in a few years. You look like a guy who wrangles fucking silverback crickets. I do, actually, dude. You do with that eye patch. You've just been in the fucking jungle for years. Dude, here's the best thing, though this is you call them by their first name or they gave me this at all uh regent care i went to what is that care place you stop at if you don't want to go to the hospital

but you care bear care no not care bear care you what the hell what kind of shirt you have how do you live all day whenever you leave around other people? You're just fucking on your own. Jesus, dude. We both agree. Silverback gorilla, though. Oh, the fans agree with you, too. 57%. Gang.

Damn, they're close, though. I knew that. 12,000. Because a grizzly bear, dude, they hybrid it. They take half the year off. They're kind of bitches, bro. Dude, they're the teachers of the wildlife. They have summers off.

You know what I'm saying? They fucking slumber for months. Yeah. Then they complain about work. Yeah. Dude, you have summers off. You have Christmas off. You have holidays off.

You have Martin Luther King Day off. Yeah. And you're going to fucking write the streets of LA, bro? Because you're only getting paid $17,000 a year. Yeah, save it. You're the grizzly bears of the fucking earth, man. And then we wonder why humanity is dumb. Jesus Christ.

What else we got? What's great of you, man, Brendan? Let's go. What's another one? All right, this is Jefferson Nally. Hey, Theo, Brendan. What's up, bro? Rat King, Beastie. We know how. This is Jefferson Nally. Hey, Theo, Brandon. What's up, bro? Rat King, Beastie.

We know how to rat. Jefferson Nally from Westminster, Colorado. Holla, boy. Denver, Colorado, as you may know, Brandon. JonBenet Bell. Got a question for you guys in debate club. What do you think is the more significant iconic figure for their city? Drew Brees or John Elway?

It's going to be a tough one. John Elway. He's from Denver be a tough one. John Elway. He's from Denver. I agree. He's from Denver. Dude, so here's the thing, you little Louisiana slug rat. Yeah. You little Louisiana rug rat.

You're going to obviously go with Drew Brees, right? It's your hometown boy. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, he played for another team. Remember, he went to the Chargers. They're like, nah, you're not good enough here. Beat it, nerd. Then sent to New Orleans. he's had great players around great coaches john elway fucking

lives and breathes in denver colorado owns car dealerships won super balls any beat okay he won super balls okay that's not anything so what is that a game at dave and busters what i'm talking about is drew breeze came into a city that was flooded bro under water you know how hard it is to throw a football when you're underwater you fucking goon talking about the fucking hurricane shut up about okay we got it i didn't do it but i'm saying this. He came in there and he won a Super Bowl, and he would have won five Super Bowls if his coach wasn't such a fucking egomaniac.

How many did Elway win? Elway won three. And Gochin. Elway, he might have won two. He won back-to-back, 98, I think 97-98, right? Four. Wow. No, no, no.

He played him four, but he won two. Okay. Two. Yeah, he won two. Well, look, then, you know what? Brendan's right. But who does he, his question was. Anyone MVP.

His question was, what city means more to him? Drew Brees did when he came in. You guys, it was a big deal because you had the fucking high rain thing go on. It's called a hurricane, you delinquent. The high rain. The levees broke. That's a flood. It's not high rain.

And I'll say this. Drew Brees is 5'10". He's 5'7". He's 5'7". He's 5'7". Dude, you know what's funny? When I first started doing comedy, I guess I was a couple years in. I was at, he had just gotten into town.

It was literally, I think, the second day in town. And this guy, Scott Fujita, he used to play for the Saints. I know Scott Fujita, yeah. Yep. Stud. Took him out to the comedy show, and Breeze was there. And nobody knew who he was. Like, nobody could have picked him.

At the time, right? Any idea. Yeah, he came from San Diego, and it was like, you know they let him go but it was he wasn't like a huge we had a bad shoulder he had that labrum he had a torn labrum he's a texas boy right austin and bro he was he was like regular size guy man and so to see that he's done that john elway is how tall is john elway six seven six three built like a Tongan went to Stanford. He has a spine six, three. He went to Stanford, owns a shitload of car dealerships.

Yeah. And he's the GM for the Broncos now and on the arena, Colorado crush that won all the games, all the fucking big time game. Well, I'm going to go with Drew Brees. Let's see what the fans said. I'm going to go with Drew. Hold on. You know, I'm a Denver boy and I grew up sucking off john oway like every other denver fan drew breeze 100

because he is under six foot it says six foot that's full of shit he's probably 5 10 max he's always been kind of the underdog and there was the huge hurricane and it was such a big deal for that city denver's cool man either way denver's killing it whether they win or not they're good they don't give a fuck like new orleans does all new orleans they don't give a fuck all new orleans has all new orleans has is the saints and theo von and crime ellen and crime and anthony davis just left there can you believe he's yeah i can you guys suck with the management it's all dude he wants to you don't want to be be in New Orleans to play basketball. To the Lakers, baby.

Nah. I don't like these stacked teams, man. And I think it's disappointing that he did that. But I'm more disappointed. It's the guy with one eye. Dude, well. Doesn't count, bro. Now it's two.

Dude, it's so crazy. You gotta let that thing breathe. Bro, I have to. Dude, it's so hard to think with only one eye covered. I bet. Bro, I'm not even joking. It is like. I feel like I'm hard to think with only one eye covered. I bet. Bro, I'm not even joking. It is like... I feel like I'm doing a podcast with Mike Tyson.

Okay. All right, dude. Let's see what the fans said. All right. Fans agree with you. 55% for Drew Brees. Bang. That's fair.

His story is better. It is a better story. And it's just a more recent story. It's one that people know. But I'll say this. The fact that John Elway got 45% is pretty magnificent. It sure has something to do with the Denver fans. But he hasn't played in 12 years.

He's so relevant because he makes all the decisions for the Broncos. That's a good point. And I feel like he handles it pretty well. He got Peyton in there. Didn't Peyton win a Super Bowl for him? Peyton won a Super Bowl. Peyton's an easy one. If both your eyes were gone, you could hire Peyton as a quarterback and win.

I will say, and I love John Owe, but he's a terrible quarterback kind of recruiter. Is he? Our draft picks have been awful. That's why the team sucks. Wow. Paxton Lynch, fucking Osweiler, they paid all that money. They brought in homeboy now, what's his name, Kareem.

Osweiler sounds like a dog, dude. Osweiler? Look at this Osweiler. No, he's a six, seven rich dog. Can't throw a fucking football. What else we got? All right. This is from Robert B.

Hey guys, this is Robert from Houston. How you doing Theo? Brandon. It's Bobby. My debate club is pubic hair on women. You prefer totally bald, landing landing strip or full muff i feel thanks guys i feel sick bro why i don't know just like the way the guy looked the way he asked i feel real sick right now do you yeah dude the guys were military fatigues okay it's obvious that he

is a little more incognito than usual. He's probably a serviceman. Yeah, he's 16. He's still trying to get some pussy, okay? He's 16. He's still trying to stay involved with the opposite sex, Brandon. He looks like Louis C.K. if he went underground for 10 years from now. He looks probably like Louis C.K. looks right now after the tough year that he's had. I'll say this, Bobby.

I respect your search for adult crotch, you know, or whatever. I mean, bald shaved, if it's bald bald, then that's illegal. But if it's been shorn, then that's different. And you seem like that big bad boy that could get out there and get off-roading. So I could see you four-wheel driving through some real bushy, bushy, muff-muff. Yeah, he looks like he likes it messy down there. Oh, dude, you seem like... He wants that swamp. Oh, yeah, I could see you down there with a little match, youhy, muff, muff. Yeah, he looks like he likes it messy down there. Oh, dude, you seem like. He wants that swamp.

Oh, yeah, I could see you down there with a little match, you know, just lighting your way through. Yeah, he looks like that type of dude. Oh, yeah. And you seem like a real, I mean, you seem like, I could see you fucking pull, I bet you like that bush, something a pheasant flies up out of, you know? You seem like that kind of guy.

Yeah, he looks like he'll just hide it underneath the sheets and fuck you all night. He looks like that big old rhino. He looks like that big old rhino he's like that big old rhino doesn't he looks like that rhino i just want to put it down oh he's one of the big five baby he's definitely uh he's that four by four he's that rare element he's that rare african element he looks like he drives that f-350 diesel oh dude he definitely i bet he fucking drinks diesel at night i bet he has a 64 ounce cup of fucking diesel and code red right it looks like the him. He looks like the type of dude that drinks code red and eats ribs with the bones. Yeah.

Oh, he's that marrow. They call him Marrow Streep, bro. He looks like the guy who has that whole bone. That Marrow Streep, brother. He looks like the type of dude that has all the Pornhub accounts. Pays for the premium, doesn't he? I mean, look, no, he doesn't seem like that. He seems like a good guy who's looking for

questions answered by two young men that he admires. And I'll say this to you, Robert. Thank you for your service to our country. Dude, you don't know that he's a veteran! I have camel pants, I ain't served. Just because he has a fucking camel on doesn't mean he's a Navy SEAL, you fuck.

You know what? I'm going to give you a pass. You have one creepy eye right now. Put your fucking patch back on, bro. I'll say this. He seems like somebody that could have served. If I see you in camo, I think maybe you served at Chili's, bro. Okay. No, that guy did.

He's asking about shaved or hairy bushes. You think he served? He seems like a nice guy. Nothing's creepy about that? No, he reminds me of a guy I used to know that used to run a nursery, actually, a plant nursery. And that, you know, actually was very demanding of his son. But that's another new thing. But, Bobby, what do I like?

I don't care, man. I don't give a damn, dude. I do. I don't like it, Harry, man. I don't like that Venus flytrap, Harry. I don't like that shit. But it's coming back, and a lot of chicks are growing hair around their buttholes, too, which is like a new thing.

That's a no-no for me. Got the dingleberries. It's just not my thing, bro. That butt muffler, dude. You know what I'm saying? That fucking... Keep that poot shoot clean. Oh, I'm talking that brown-eyed mitten, baby.

That's what a lot of these girls are starting to sprout back there. Especially, you see a gal that's about 30, 35, 45, 50. Trying that hairy reef back there, bro. Oh, dude. Not my thing. Really? Hard pass. Oh, man.

I like that. That thing is just. You look like that dude with a hairy asshole. Oh, yeah. You look like that dude that can braid your asshole. What? You look like. Hey, man.

Hey, man. Got extensions in my asshole, man. Dude. $9.99, man. Here's what I forgot to tell you about Jamaica. We went to a restaurant, right? We go in. There's two people sitting by a candlelight that work there.

They go. They're like, come in, come in. They turn on other lights. They go wake up the chef at his house and had to have him come in. Bro, it took two and a half hours to eat. And it had all the bones in it and shit. I fucking left. Dude, I had two bites and fucking

left i was furious dude left went outside and got held up by somebody and my buddy got all of his fucking money stolen probably not going back to jamaica huh no live king of the sting from jamaica hey man all right what else we got oh so theo said what i say ball care you like it here yeah i mean i don't care i mean he threw out like nine options. Pick one, though. Is it bald or landing strip? I'll say this. Bobby definitely seems like the kind of guy that has a couple of Polaroids of old pussy

from the 80s fucking taped up under the flap in his car up above his head. He seems like a truck driver. You open it up and there's just pictures of titties and ass everywhere. He's like... No, he doesn't. He seems like a good guy. He's probably on the the city council what else do we want to know what was the what was the so out of the two the fans picked bald 63 percent also never put a baby emoji ever with the bald all right what else did they do that someone did someone did all right cat what

are you doing that's cat uh all right so the next one is from John Krebs. It's a big club, baby girl. No, no, no, no, no. Who is that, Tony Hinchcliffe? We're friends. We're friends. The dog's cute as fuck. He said, what's up, baby girl? The dog's cute as fuck. That's a good baby girl that's a good thing i love that dude what's

his name john krebs friends or seinfeld friends or seinfeld here's my thing here's my qualms with friends okay you're telling me these fucking five hustlers that one was working in a coffee shop one didn't have a job one was a struggling actor you're telling me they bought that fucking pent house in new york for seven million dollars that they lived in the five bedroom penthouse get the fuck out of my face man i believe jurassic park more than i believe friends i'm going with seinfeld all goddamn day but here's something that's gonna might hurt your feelings about seinfeld was filmed in los angeles was it really yeah wow they said it was supposed to be filmed in new york lied and i don't like that bait and switch kind of bullshit.

You know what I'm saying? I wanted you to have those facts before you go. Go ahead. I'm going Seinfeld. I appreciate that, dude. I'm dropping the patch on fucking this one, dude. So I'll say this. Friends, I've never even seen an episode.

Never? Never seen one episode of it. I didn't get it. There's like a bunch of fucking, you know, it seemed like a bunch of white supremacists hanging out around a fountain in the beginning. I don't know if you've seen that part. But I didn't get it. There's like a bunch of fucking, you know, it seemed like a bunch of white supremacists hanging out around a fountain in the beginning. I don't know if you've seen that part. I'll be there for you. I can see how you think that.

Very. Jennifer Aniston? It seemed very, yeah, it was just too much. It's too white privilege for me. Yes. No one ever had any concerns. The biggest concern was fucking each other. Yeah.

And living in this penthouse. It looked like, yeah, and everybody seemed like they'd been to the Gap or to Structure. It seemed like they bought all their clothes at Structure. Remember Structure? Yeah, I do. Remember Structure? You definitely went to Structure, you fucking creep. Is Structure still around?

No, it is not. If there is, there's like two left in America. They just changed their names to Express, though. Oh, that's right. So it's not still around then, Ken. It's the same thing. It's just Express now. Yeah.

It's not the same thing. It's not around. It's not around. Did you ever see one black or Asian dude on Friends? Never. Never. Never, man. And I don't like seeing that kind of stuff, you know?

I just think you got to throw in some diversity. At least on Seinfeld, they had that fat neighbor. Yeah. In the soup Nazi? Yeah. Seinfeld all day, baby. Actually, Seinfeld, they had that fat neighbor. And the soup Nazi. Seinfeld all day, baby. Actually, Seinfeld was all whites. No, it wasn't, bro. You had the soup Nazi. Yeah, who was that guy?

What was he? He was... Kuwaiti? Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Iranian. Oh, German Nazi. I didn't even think about that. No, they just called him soup Nazi. He wasn't German, bro. Soup Nazi ethnicity. No soup for you. Yeah, everybody even think about that. No, they just call him a soup Nazi. He wasn't German, bro. Soup Nazi ethnicity. No soup for you. Yeah, everybody noted no soup for you guy, but who was he?

But it was all white. Elaine was white. George was white. Kramer. Kramer was maybe. He's white. He was Jewish. I don't know if Elaine was Jewish.

She might have been, but I don't know. Elaine's Jewish. I think they're all Jewish. What about George, too? Cassandra as well? Yeah. Yeah, so that's the only thing. Larry David wrote it.

Extremely funny. Yeah, it was basically. Some of the funniest, bro. Yeah, it was kind of just like, yeah, it was. I'm still going Seinfeld over Friends. Oh, I think Seinfeld was much more entertaining to me. Way more. For sure.

All right, what's the fans say? So I'll go Seinfeld over Friends all day. Fans agree, 54%. See, I thought most people picked Friends. People love friends people love friends really ever see the fucking couch and shit get a job you do just the 10 of us was a good show you ever see that no we talk about what else you got so many hot chicks on it dude what else all right so this is changing it up a little bit ryan huff damn growing that fucking devil's lettuce, dude. All right, Ryan from Northern Arizona.

I got a debate for the Rat King and the Beast King. You're growing dope, dude. Buzz, buzz. Would you rather die of starvation or participate in cannibalism? Survival only. Last resort. None of this recreational cannibalism which one is it recreational gang gang yes those are weed plants yes those are weed plants you made tomatoes baby

yeah i thought they were fucking parsley um i would eat your ass if i had to oh first of all you can start anywhere on the body so maybe oh really yeah pick a wrist or something no fucking i'm not gonna eat your wrist i'm gonna eat your the cheeks of your ass you're gonna start you ever seen the movie alive where they crash the plane they just start eating jerky ass yeah yeah bro there's a reason for that that's where all your muscles at yeah just in a plane crash this is just if the power goes out for four or five days and we're fucking stuck here i'm gonna eat your ass yeah we'll fucking stuck here. I'm going to eat your ass. Yeah, well, fucking have something else, you pervert. I don't want your elbows or ribs. There's nothing there.

You have those little Kermit ribs. Ribs? I don't have Kermit ribs. Dude, I have the rib cage of a large cat, dude. That's what they said when I was born. And I'll say this, dude. Cannibalism all day. You know what I'm saying?

Super easy. I'm not going to die of starvation while my friend just lays there fucking all edible yeah looking all sweet and delicious i'm gonna eat that i'll eat fucking theo's shitty eye if i have to survive oh yeah i'll get that gangrene eye in my mouth talking about a little appetizer what i'm talking about is this i keep fucking i have a i have a uh glove box full of condiments just in case the fucking world ends, daddy. Because I'm not going to be that person, first of all, out there eating somebody with no dipping sauces. Yeah, bland shit.

I need that spicy mustard. I even dump a little bit of fucking Mystique barbecue on that ass. Oh, yeah. That honey fucking rib, bro. Oh, dude, and I've started've started everybody knows i almost bit into a vietnamese guy at a best buy one time yeah i'll pickle your hair i don't give a fuck that's what i'm saying though it's like and i would start asian i would start vietnamese i would start lay ocean why are you going with maybe for a dessert because they wouldn't they wouldn't be

as upset with you if you did it you know i'm not trying to eat some if there's an angry black girl she's gonna get fucking pissed you try to bite some... If there's an angry black girl, she's going to get fucking pissed. You try to bite into that bitch, she's going to be upset. Dude, I'm going to save Hawaii. A very peaceful person from Laos or... What's another place an Asian place? They're just going to lay down and sacrifice their body.

They'll be like, okay, thank you. Oh, thank you. At least they would be understanding. And fully healthy. Except for the japanese too much fish the mercury poison you can get you gotta think ahead you gotta think ahead that's why i think you bite into hawaiian pineapple bro yeah you don't think like that do you wise mean see what's that what's that hawaiian song that play? Oh, that's not the one. Somewhere over the rainbow.

Yeah, somewhere over the rainbow. We'll be having ribs. DJ Penn's walkout song. We'll be having ribs. Hawaii is the perfect place to do cannibalism, man. Number one. They taste like fucking mahi-mahi and pineapple, baby. Oh, yeah, bro.

That would be fucking good. Yeah, I would do cannibalism. So I'm going cannibalism, bro. Everyone would be fucking good. Yeah, I would do cannibalism. So I'm going cannibalism all day. Everyone agrees with you. 72%. Okay, that's not everyone. What psycho 28%? Everyone would be 100, Chen.

You're fired, dude. All right, sorry. What else we got, dude? Now it's flaunt my aunt. Oh! Flaunt. You ready? My aunt, aunt, aunt.

All right, this is Angel's submission. Her name's Aunt D. Oh, wow. God damn, Aunt D. D? Her name's D? Aunt D. God damn, D got them double Ds.

What's up, girl? Holler at your boy, Aunt D. What's her name? Just Aunt D? Just Aunt D. He told you four times, dude. Holler at your boy, Aunt D. What's her name? Just Aunt D? Just Aunt D. He told you four times, dude. Boy, I thought that was her nickname, bro. Uncle Idiot, bro.

Listen up. Because her titties are in my face. First of all, I noticed, first of all, if you see on the left, she has a child or a small Asian man hiding behind her. Or is that a seal? That ain't a seal with hands. Oh, no, that's a seal, bro. That's a seal with, yeah, yeah, no, you get confused with hands. Oh, no, that's a seal, bro. That's a seal with, yeah, yeah, no, you get confused for hands.

Yeah, no, that's a seal. Then check out her fucking best bipolar camera. For sure get an iPhone, this fucking D. First of all, I think she's trying to look too sexy with that kid being right there. That's the only part that kind of alarms me. The hat is very... Too big. Jeff Probst, yeah.

She reminds me of like if Jeff Probst got a sex change, but you're still fucking because he looked way good now. Very Dumb and Dumber hat when he walks into the fucking hotel. She looks a little bit like the Topanga that we talked about last time. Ooh, a little bit. She has some nice eyes, lips. I'm not mad at the braided hair to the side, tits in the front. She's got that extra large scrunch

she wrapped around the tits. Yeah, bro. Theo got that buzz buzz boner. I'm boned up right now. Do you want to see that heater? Damn, bro. I knew it. I fucking knew it. I know when Theo's going to pop that boner, bro.

I fucking know it. I can feel it in the air. I can feel it. I know when Theo's going to pop that boner, bro. I fucking know it. I can feel it in the air. I can feel it coming in the air tonight. Bam. Oh, shit. Got that hit of boner in my face, bro. And Aunt Dee did that shit, bro. She did do that, actually.

That's pretty cool. Thank you, Aunt Dee. See? Thank you, Aunt Dee. I hope it wasn't the kid in the background. I'm also on a couple grams of wiener pills, man. I took a couple yesterday. You took some Viagra just in case shit pops off?

No, I took that India. I get that stuff from India. It makes your legs sweat, but makes you fucking, you know, it'll keep you up, you know? And I take it, it makes me feel excited. You know, I'll walk around, you're boned up, you're ready to just. It's kind of a fun game to play. Yeah. You know, it's like a real whodunit

oh wow who might do it well uh this is a hot ass flaunt my aunt shout out to miss d what's up girl yeah she's hot but i mean it's like yeah you flaunted her dude what's her name janet aunt d aunt d bro jesus christ dude i've asked seven you've asked four well what's called aunt denise yeah denise bro whatever it's actually d so her name is, dude. It's actually D-E-E, so her name is Dee. Oh, straight up D-E-E. Damn, Dee Dee. Yeah, very nice. Outdoors getting some vitamin D, so that's good.

Maybe that's why they call her that, you know? Maybe. And the kid looks like he's vitamin D deficient, actually, in the background. No, he looks very dark. I feel like he's good to go. Oh, that's a small man. It could be a lot of his women are hanging out with these old men. I keep telling you.

It's not a seal with human hands. Let's move on. All right. Shout out to fucking Aunt Dee Dee. Thanks for giving my friend a bone. All right, next one is from David. This is his aunt and uncle. No, it isn't.

That's what it says. No names, but just aunt and uncle. God damn, bro. You seem like a peaceful couple, huh? That boy on the right, that uncle looked like he's the wildest man in the world. Look at that hair, bro. Seem like a peaceful couple, huh? That boy on the right, that uncle looked like he's the wildest man in the world. Look at that hair, bro. You talking about that fucking kiss haircut he has going on? Oh, yeah.

He looks like Kenny G-O-D-D-A-M-N. Boy, Kenny goddamn, son. He's got those long curls, boy. He looks like the mascot for fucking the golden corral oh yeah he's fucking bird up and then uh his aunt though is that it's kind of a do you get a a native american vibe from the aunt like why is she dressed like that why do you dress her up as a are they playing cowboys and fucking indians no i think they're from montana or. Maybe she could be American Indian.

You know, a lot of people from that area have American Indian heritage in them. Nick just texted me that this is their wedding photo. Oh, it's beautiful. Yeah. And I'm asking, is it a theme, cowboys and Indians? No. Why not, bro? He's not a cowboy.

He's wearing a vest. He sure is fucking an Indian. Yeah. She's an Indian. He looks more like a cowboy this most it looks like this looks like um to me it looks a little bit like glamour shots but in yeah that's a fake background bro yeah it looks like glamour shots on bunker hill that's what it looks like a little bit yeah it looks kind of suspect he said they're alaskan too

oh there you go that makes sense there you go so you have a she's inuit then they call that inuit she'll be eating whale blubber all right oh yeah and he really seemed like a kind of guy that'll fucking has trouble digesting or actually that could easily digest a fucking heavy chili you think i see i think i feel like his insides are rotten and then also no belt god damn bro no belt you got some nerve rocking them dad jeans that you got from walmart with no belt god damn bro no belt you got some nerve rocking them dad jeans that you got from walmart with no belt what do you mean that's a savage move he probably made them himself dude it's obviously or she made them and she also made that leather outfit out of fucking human skin as well no one knows the old leather dress she definitely has that sort of Like who did her wedding dress Buffalo Bill You know

She doesn't have that apocalypto vibe going on about her I just I can't put my fucking finger on the pulse I don't trust him on the right though You don't No Well you don't know how to trust others then I think it's a you issue I'll say this

I trust any man that can keep his pants up just by sheer magic Oh it's called the gut bro Yeah Their hands Look how big their Their hands, look how big their hands are. And look how in love they are too, dude. And he has more fingers than you should have on one hand. Bet you anything they're divorced now. No. That doesn't stop whatever they're

doing. What else we got? Shout out to aunts and uncles getting married in Montana slash Alaska. Beautiful couple. This is Aunt Sheila. Oh! Bro! Damn. Why you do it to us, bro. Damn. Why you do it to us, bro? Why you do it to us?

Damn, dude. Look how hard that pussy looks. That thing is a real. You talking about that fucking 24-hour fitness. Whoa, whoa. Do not zoom in on that chin. No, you got to zoom in, chin. Is there a dick?

Why are knees so wrinkly? Dude, it's a man. Why are knees? It's a man. There's nothing there. Go back. Dude, that is a woman, bro. No, go in on the face.

Dude, that's a woman on hormones. The tits are fake, you goon. Dude, that's a woman on hormones. Dude, that's Johnny Carson. That's a woman on hormones, bro. This is scare-a-top. This lady is hectic looking, bro. This is scare-a-top. This lady is... Dude. ...hectic-looking, dude.

This looks like... Dude, look at the hands. Zoom in on the hands, Chin. It says a lot. You know what it says? Huh? Gold's Gym. That's what her hands say. Who's a really strong person named Michael?

You know any? Oh. This looks like Brett Michael's bisping, dude. Look at this fucking picture again okay look how jacked and strong and also brett michaels this person is it looks like those tits you're talking about are not tits man you can't do that and just say it's tits no you can't hide too this looks like a game at at Dave and Buster's, too, that's going on. I don't know where to go with this, bro.

I just. What is going on right now? Look at the belt, the man key. Dude, look at the whole fucking get up. Look at the powerful jaw. Look at the fucking dick in the front look at the man hands look at the 24-hour fitness body baby that thing is you want to talk about pico grams you're talking about miss pico right now that's miss pico pico baby oh this is a lady who's definitely like doing lines

of uh probably barbecue sauce of plant lines of fucking ranch probably doing lines of plant-based protein. Of barbecue sauce. Of plant-based protein. Doing lines of fucking ranch. Probably doing lines of plant-based protein powder, you know, in her car. She looks the type that would kiss you like the girl did you in middle school and lift you up as the dude.

Oh, yeah. Oh, I'm so embarrassed of you. She's fucking you, bro. Yeah. She would fucking wrap my legs around her. Damn. It was so weird.

And you can't hit them, you know? No, no. She was a very, very nice girl, too. She looked like her name's Tanya but goes by Tony. They actually call her Uncle Sheila. I told you, look at those hands, baby. Look at the arm.

Dude, that is a woman who has been on many, many hormones. Although that chest makes a difference, doesn't it? Yeah, see that stomach chest area? That's very masculine. You're kind of right, bro. And those tits are way too hard. And look at that arm. It's not a woman's arm.

Look at the bottom of that arm going into the hand. That is a... You know what, Dill? You're right, bro. Thank you, bro. Don't fucking touch me. Especially when you have one eye. Well...

And we're looking at a... Uncle Ian. I'm putting the patch down on this lady. She doesn't deserve two eyes. I'm putting a patch over my eye for this one. Where's the wiener? For the Flaunt Mountain. Thanks to Kelsey Wright for sending this one in. Oh, thanks for asking.

Is it really? It looks like they're in Denver. Or Spokane, Washington. This beautiful little... You gotta appreciate the hard work. Clearly a gym rat that clearly a gym rat clearly clearly a gym rat bro and clearly takes her protein at the right time of day right

after a workout has it ready to go and the sacrifice and discipline to get that body is nothing we should all just pass by i agree i mean it's easy for me to sit here with, you know, one eye and a fucking erect penis and judge this person. And but to actually get out there and do the work to shave your arms and shoulders. Tuck your shave your tits every day. Yeah. And dress like just, you know, like Wyatt Slurp every day to dress like the fucking naked cowboy in new york every day you're alive all right to dress like fucking dress like a wwe diva during your normal life yeah i mean this is definitely i thought this

was brett michaels at first p2 i thought it was rock of love promo i thought they're bringing the season back yeah this is like crack Rock-A-Love. All right. Shout out to the aunt and uncle. Yeah, thank you, Cheryl. Sheila. Sheila. All right, you guys ready for...

Can you understand? Hell yeah. Buttons, please. Hell, hell, hell, hell yeah. Oh. One-eyed, one-eyed, one-eyed, one-eyed, one-eyed. Bang, rang, Rufio. Bro, it's so crazy how different my brain is with no joke when it's like this.

Dude, can I say something, not offend you? You seem smarter with one eye. Really? Yeah. Are you serious? Yeah, you seem smarter. Like your IQ went up 20-fold. Jesus, I feel, no joke,ally impaired when I only have one eye

Really? I think it's part of just getting used to it See, I feel like there's a mystery And like you seem educated with one eye Whenever I see a guy with an eye patch I think he's been through some shit Read a lot of books And owns very fine whiskey

Really? Yeah Wow, I feel like he's And drives a fucking S-Class Mercedes And lives in a high rise Bro, it's so hard to drive with one eye, bro You're just back and forth like this because you need one eye

to be both eyes. I didn't even think about that. So hard, dude. So eye patches. What do we got? Alright, first one's from Jose Rivera. Yo, yo, yo. What the fuck is good? I got a king of the sting for the rat king and the bee king.

You know, bee king sting shit. Is this El Chapo? Cut off jean shorts. King it or sting it. Let's get it, bitch. Cut off jean shorts? I love that guy, man. The fucking El Chapo's kids.

Is that baby El? Is that little El Chapo? Let me tell you this, Brother Bear. Okay, jorts. First of all, I don't trust a man that wears shorts to church. So I don't care. I don't know if jorts. I don't even know what it is.

Jesus shorts or whatever. Shorts for Jesus, whatever. You know what I'm saying? You wear pants to go see the Lord, son. If I see a man in shorts in church, dude, I'm calling the police. And I'll report his license plate. Yeah, I'm with you on this as well. Unless you're at a pool, you should not be in shorts.

I'm sick of dudes wearing shorts on planes, at the fucking food cafeteria. At the fair. At the pet store. Oh. Picking up your kids. Don't wear shorts, bro. You should only wear shorts if you're at the pool. Yeah.

I'm not trying to see your junk your fucking quad your ass cheeks hanging out the back with sandals it's immature bro yeah tighten up dude or tighten out bro boom fuck cut off jean shorts so definitely stinging it shout out to el chapo all right next one buzzers that thing bums me out what else we got tana shea from huntington beach what's up motherfuckers love you motherfuckers love you dude can't get her sting it blinkers so you know blinkers are you know far by law whatever it's courteous and everything i thought it was a race but if you're changing lanes you're turning your blinker one asshole is gonna speed up he's not gonna let you

in and how many times is there just one asshole on the road? You're going to get five or six. So you don't use your blinker. You make sure it's safe. That's probably the option. I'm just saying. Can't get a sting. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz.

Buzz, buzz. Bro, this is America. We use blinkers, sir. And if you don't use a blinker, it's so fucking rude. We just jarred over. It's so fucked up, man. You gotta use blinkers. That's also how you get rear-ended.

We're not using blinkers, nothing. You just dart over, dude. Where are you from, bro? Jamaica? Jamaica doesn't use fucking blinkers, bro. Look how it's turned out for them. All they have is Hussein Bolt. That's it.

Yeah, and he tried to get out of Jamaica by running out of there. Yeah, he ran out of there on water. All they have is fucking Hussein Bolt and jerk chicken. Yeah. And I'll say this. I'm going to fucking raise the roof for this. Yeah! The eye is out, baby. Bang, rang, Rufio. Johnny Depp jizz, boy.

I'll say this, young fella, who definitely looks way sketched out in a stolen vehicle, obviously. I don't know if you guys can see this or not. There's a very, this guy, obviously this guy is the Laotian Derek Fisher who's right there. And he, yes, blinkers, dude.

Yes, you use blinkers. And forgive me, I thought blinkers were people or was a racial slur for people with dry eyes. But I use it. I use blinkers were people or was a racial slur for people with dry eyes but i uh i use it i use blinkers man i demand other people use blinkers um if i see somebody who's not using a blinker dude i will tail them i'll follow them and when they finally get out of their car whatever two three miles later whatever i'll say hey you have a blinker on back there and they look at you like you're the fucking psycho but you know in your heart that they're the bad one you know what's right blinkers are right farting on planes you know what's right don't do that don't do it dude not to wake a guy up last

week and fucking tell his ass stop farting dude i woke him up he's sitting in front of me bro he farted like probably 13 times and i kept smelling around the dude next to me. And finally, he was fucking this beached fucking walrus of a man. A disgust. And his wife sat there next to him the whole time. Like years ago, she'd fucking never spoken up about it. And I woke him up. Eating the free crackers and shit? Are you fucking serious, dude?

I'm sitting right behind you, bro. What'd he say? Huh? He's like, uh-huh. I said, I knew that's you you bro What'd he say? He's like uh huh I knew that's you bro You farting bro Fucking tighten up dude We all gotta breathe this air in bro

Good for you man What else we got? This is Scott Vaughn What's up guys this is Scott from Baton Rouge Louisiana I got a question for King it or Sting it What do you guys think about vasectomies? It's a touchy subject. It's a bitch move, bro.

If God wants you to have more kids, fire that fucking sticky icky in your girl, man, and they'll figure it out. Don't fuck up God's plumbing and tie that shit off. Fire them loads and play the game, dude. The game of life. Bus loads, that's the way life goes. Damn, bro. Damn. Dude, hold on.

I'm Tony Robbins today. Bus loads, that's the way life goes. Bro, it's your eye patch that's made us both smarter, bro. I'm going to leave mine down. I don't want to see any more of this, so I'm dropping the fucking patch on you. Dude, bus loads, that's your eye patch has made us both smarter, bro. Yeah. I'm going to leave mine down. I don't want to see any more of this. I'm dropping the fucking patch on you. Dude, bus loads.

That's the way live goes. I almost forgot it. Okay. First of all, dude. I almost forgot it. Yeah. You look like, dude, you look like Tony Robbins at a fucking Division III school. Okay.

Let's be honest about that. I'm going to raise the patch up and tell you this. First of all, guy, Dexter guy, who's in scrubs in his own house and is obviously doing bl bootleg vasectomies back there in the dirty south and they're in a baton rouge right there off i-10 dude off of the alpha blue bonnet you heard me okay i've been over there dude i've busted nuts all up and down Interstate 10. And I'll say this, I'm not going to stop. And if you want to get your tubes tied or whatever

you want to do, who would let you go in your body and tie your fucking tubes, dude? Some bitch shit, man. Just control yourself. How about this? Tell your husband to bust outside of you. Or get a little bust cup and keep it by the bed. Or bust in your face. Just bust in your face.

Or have some respect, man. Look what happens to people when shit gets on game. I thought we were the eyepatch gang. Just bust in her face, bro. You don't need to have a whole fucking surgery to figure it out. Yeah, dude, here's what I say. Let the Lord work. But here's the scarier thing.

A lot of times you go to some of these jack shacks and these massage parlors. And what they're doing is, dude, they busted my buddy out, put the semen in like a But here's a scarier thing. A lot of times you go to some of these jack shacks and these massage parlors. Jack shacks? And what they're doing is, bro, dude, they busted my buddy out, put the semen in like a warm bowl and fucking left with it. Oh, and started selling to people. Yeah. Good looking dude, I bet.

Yeah, they're stealing. Yeah, I've seen it a hundred times. So they're fucking, they're jacking your jack, bro. So you got to be careful out there. You know, if you get a vasectomy, it also comes with a fucking mini Cooper because you're a bitch. Yeah. That's what you should be driving.

Yeah, dude. You might as well get a little bag of bitch Skittles a fucking Mini Cooper because you a bitch. Yeah. That's what you should be driving. Yeah, dude. You might as well get a little bag of bitch Skittles and fucking put a bunch in your throat. Just all yellow Starbursts and a Prius. Fuck off, dude. No vasectomies. Sting it. But go Tigers, dude. I'm going to say sting it. Yeah, I'll bust in, girl.

All right. This one's from Juan Pitre. Oh, nice, boy. What up, Brandon? Dude, Brandon, bro. Can you just sting it? College. Theo, I know you were homeschool, nice, boy. What up, Brandon? Brandon, bro. King of the Stingit. College. I know you were homeschooled in, Brandon.

You look like you don't know what the fuck a school is. King of the Stingit. College. Gang gang. Just college in general? He looks like he's looking for real life advice from us. College. It looks like he's deciding college or military. Probably don't take advice from the two of us. Now, do I have a double major?

Yeah, I do. You do? Yeah, I do, bro. From the University of Colorado. Ever heard of it? Yeah. Big deal, bro. Yeah, I've never heard of it, you idiot.

So it depends what you want to do. Because a lot of times, depending on what you want to do, you're just going to acquire, unless you're playing fucking athletics and paying for your school, you're just going a shitload of debt and then you gotta pay all that shit off and it's a nightmare it depends what you're trying to do bro trying to be entertainment i don't know if you need college degree it's a good plan b and i would think about what experience do you want brother if you want an actual experience of you know getting out on your own and like you know you know becoming part of like a bigger community. I mean, college is a tons of experience you can't get anywhere else that you can only

get at college. You know, it's a great experience. Yeah. You're going to meet a lot of new people. Network. You'll find out what you like. Network. All kinds of groups.

Like you look like you might be into dudes or girls. You're going to find out if you go to Arizona state, you're going to wake up with a dick in your mouth. Yeah. That's the way that's college for him. Or a dick in your mouth. Yeah. That's college. For him. Or a diploma in your hand, brother. I mean.

Doubt it. There's a opportunity. If you're asking King in a sting if you go to college, doubt you're going to make it. So what I would do is go to community college and buy a fucking pack of hot tamales and shut the fuck up. Oh, damn, dude. Just kidding. You'll figure it out, bro. Go to college, though.

It's a great time. Whether you're finding what you're going to do or not, do it. I wouldn't worry about the debt, man. Here's what's going to happen with the debt. You're going to build up college debt. You're going to get loans. You're going to pay $100 for the rest of your life. So every month for the rest of your life.

That's what you're going to do. So I wouldn't let this big balloon college debt, man. I've never had a bunch of money, and I've always been able to pay the $100 every month. What college did you go to? I'll pay it until I die. I went to a bunch of colleges. I know, but you have this debt, but what college was it? University of Arizona, dude.

Oh, you did? Yeah. For four years? Nope, one. Okay, yeah, so it can't be too much debt, huh? And Louisiana State over there. You went to LSU? Yeah, I went to Loyola University as well.

Well, that's three colleges, bro. It's a Santa Monica College, College of Charleston. That's four, five. Semester at sea. Six. And? Semester at sea. And? Hold on. You look like a little sea monkey. There's one more, dude. Semester at sea. Six. And? Semester at sea. And?

Hold on. You look like a little sea monkey. There's one more, dude. Oh, I can't remember. What, what, what? Oh, Harvard. That's seven. Go to college, bro.

You'll figure it out, man. I'm telling you, it's going to be a great time. Yeah, go to fucking college, dude. Whether you get a degree or not, have a good time. You're just sitting in your car. Go to college. Agree, dude. You look like a frat boy.

He's going to have a great time. Play intramural sports. Yeah. Pick up a Me Too charge, bro. Get out sti have fun yeah dude get get why don't you get fucking uh what's that disease you get in your crotch for sex no softer one gonorrhea yeah why don't you get that fucking gonorrhea in your eyes that's that drip drip you got that drip in your eye bro go deep boy yeah dog get that rain drip in your eye all right what else all right shout out to that dude last one from matthew scarf hey brendan hey theo matthew here from adelaide australia i've got a king of the sting it fuse stretched earlobes what do you think king of the sting it

cheers boys cheers man and i'll see you in uh in may i'll be there in australia awesome uh gauge dares i mean sometimes it's a fun topic conversation but actually living with it you bet you mean you got nut sacks hanging off yours i feel like it's a bad idea there's no going back either you put rims in your ears bro where i'm from if people got that when i was growing up it meant they didn't really get along with their mother and so that was usually the thing that people got but now i know it's more of like uh it's almost gotten more tribal people want to get their tattoos and get these lobes jacked out but here's the thing a lot of dudes a lot of gay dudes are getting them and they're trying to shoot semen through the hole yeah it's a game and so that's kind of like darts

for gay dudes yeah but they bust on your neck and you got them holes but that's the side effect is bullseye that's how they try to get you they're like oh let me see if i can come through that little ear and you're down to do it and you're like oh i'll let you try but here's the thing they're not even really trying to because they're just trying to hit you in the face or head god damn you're you're dropping knowledge tonight brother so really you're an idiot and then you're getting your meat and men but now if that's what you want brother that's what you want but i think if you put information on there you know at find a way to make them actually uh of value you know but just a hole through your ear where i can already see on the other side of your ear i already know what's behind your ear because i can see over

there easily just by going like there was never a mystery i never was curious about looking through your ear you know i'm saying you're not saving solving any crimes here but i think it's brave though i think it's brave and i think it's wild and it the the messiah warriors do it over there in uh apocalypto apocalypto does it as well in the movie apocalypto you're basically the zebras of mankind like you want to stick out when you do that and i like it i think it's a way to flaunt yourself but do something different put a spear through your fucking head or something dude fucking put the put the fucking dinner plate through your lip like they do in Africa. Yeah, drop that D plate. You know what I'm saying?

What are you doing, dude? Yeah, dude. You want to be different? Drop that fucking side dish in your lower lip. Yeah. Dude, swallow a couple baggies of Coke. Why not? Fucking eat a gallon of potato salad.

Film that. Put it on YouTube. Dude, do something edgy, man. Look, I'll tell you about one of the edgiest things I've ever seen. They had a guy in my town when I was young, and I don't condone this behavior, but he made a bunch of hats, right? Standard hats? Standard hats, right?

They had the N-word on the front, okay? But on the back, it said, just joking across the back. That's a bad idea. But I'm saying, if you're going to get wild and do something unique, try something. If you want to get idea so but i'm saying if you're gonna get wild and do something unique you want to get attention yeah i see what you're saying because people would see it and get pissed and he would turn around and be like oh just joking oh wow they probably got beat up so yeah yeah new orleans he got beat up you're looking for two hats yeah sold two hats that makes sense not a great business plan yeah so don't do anything like that but do something

unique for yourself dude dude pierce your dick for yourself. Dude, pierce your dick. Pierce your dick, bro. Pierce your dick. Dude, tie your fucking, run a chain from each one of your nuts to your fucking, to your eyes. No, no, run the chain to your asshole. Yeah. Yeah, dude. Chain your fucking asshole to your nuts.

Yeah. And do something different and then film it. Yeah, get out there, bro. You know what I'm saying? Get wild, bro. You already got the Orlando Magic jersey. Get wild. Yeah, dude. Put a fucking... Put huge splinters of wood in your fucking spleen.

But yeah, I'm saying... You can do any of that. But yeah, I like it, man. I like your attitude. I like your attitude, too. You're a brave man. So I'll say king it, man. Shout out to Australia. I'll say king it, too. Shout out to Australia. Shout out to Koalas. Koalas have herpes. You know that? Yeah. Yep. Shout out to this dude. Word to your mother.

Also, shout out to Zach Shuda. I'm going to call him Shuda. Zach Shuda because he's the man who created the King and the Sting design. He's done a bunch of designs for me. He's worked with freaking Nike, ESPN, Marvel Comics, Adidas. Ever heard of it? Whole Foods. Dude, he specializes in illustration, branding, apparel.

He does it all. He's our boy. He made this. Shout out to him. Big Zach. Hit him up at ZachShudaInc.com. He's at ZachShuda, S-H-U-T-A, Zach, S-H-U-T-A on Instagram. He's the man.

He's always helping us out. Shout out to our boy, Zach Zach. I'm going to King Zach. Is that it, dude? That's it. That's it. Dude, shout out to that beef Zach Zach I'm gonna king Zach is that it dude? that's it shout out to that beefy aunt bro giving you a boner shout out to aunt D giving you a boner shout out to one guys with eye patches yeah man shout out to everybody

that's only rocking one eye and I'd love it if one of you guys was sending a video for next week so we could get a little bit you know king it or sting it two eyes or one eye shout out to aunt Sheila with that fucking invisible dick and that fucking hard body out there. Shout out to females. Yeah, shout out to she-males and females, dude.

Male-men. Yeah, and that's it. And male-men. And male-men, man. Dude, this was a fun one. This was a good one, bro. You really held it down for us dude because i'm feeling i don't know what happened to me dude my eye went out and i don't know what's

going to go on with the rest of me dude i was going to text this and we can at this we don't have to leave soon i would so i have to start all new material right and i'm doing uh writing new material and come up with new bits and stuff and i was thinking the way my brain works and doing the show challenged me so much man it gets me so out of my comfort zone because i have to try to keep up with you which i can't do because you're so creative but i try and keep up with you just it's helped my stand-up it's helped my really everything yeah man you're such a beast yeah i appreciate that's nice you to even think it's like if you're a basketball player and you're you're playing basketball you know you're trying to keep up with uh fucking lebron or you know

kairi irving or dead left shrimp him too Or John Stockton with his ass cheeks out the back. If you're constantly around that, you get better. You don't have to step your game up. That's what you do for me, brother. Well, thanks, dude. It's easy. I mean, well, it's nice of you to say that, man. Get your fucking eye out of my face.

Don't fucking touch me. Don't fucking touch me, dude. King of the Sting, baby. Thanks for listening, subscribing, the sponsors, everything. We love you guys. Yep. And I'll be back next week with two eyes and we'll really be taking it to town. You got some shows coming up in Boston, though, too, yeah?

Yeah, we're adding new shows in Medford on February, I think, 6th or 7th, so you'll be able to check those out. And, yeah, man, I'm sorry. No, no, no, March 6th or 7th. I don't know when it is, but they'll go on sale this week, and they're going to be in Medford. Go see one of the best in the world. Then I'm in Miami, end of March, Miami Improv.

And then at the very end of March, 20th through the 30th, I'm in D.C. Washington, D.C., D.C. Improv. Get tickets. Go see Theo. Go see the bead sting. Yep. That's it. Love you guys.