The Golden Hour - Episode 8: Valentines Day Special

Episode Date: February 15, 2019

In the spirit of Valentine's Day, the guys answer your questions about dating, first kisses, virginity, love, relationships and more. Also, a special Rip my Drip - Celebrity Edition, a new inspirational segment called "Start my Heart", PB & J vs Grilled Cheese, Bert Kreischer vs Ari Shaffir, big booty aunts and much, much more!30% off our BAkblade 2.0 bundle. Here is the link: http://www.bakblade.com/king30*To submit to the show email [e-mail] In the subject line, specify whether your submission is King It or Sting It, Debate Club, Rip My Drip, or Flaunt My Aunt. In the body of the email, include the attachment, your name, where you're from, and in the case of Flaunt My Aunt, the name of your relative.Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ah yeah, it's the bee sting king and the rat king! Rat king! To the strap, baby, come get it! Bee sting! Rat king! To the strap, baby, come get it. Be the sting. Rat King. Happy Valentine's. Happy Valentine's Day, bro. Happy Valentine's Day, bro.

Is that why you're dressed like that? Dressed like, well, I have this hat on. This is like kind of a Valentine's. I thought this would be like a Valentine's Day hat. Oh, yeah? You don't think so? Not really. It doesn't give off that vibe.

You don't think so? It's like a red vibe. I feel like it. Well, it's red, so I guess that's Valentine's Day. Yeah. Valentine's, you know. Elmer Fudd's gay sister. Well, I mean, no.

Valentine's, dude. I'm not thinking, when I put this on this morning, I'm not thinking I'm going to dress up like an Elmer Fudd. You don't? Or an offspring of his. No, I'm thinking, what do I have that's red? I'm in a hurry. That's fair.

You know? Happy Valentine's, man. You too, man. Thanks, dude. It's warm. Really, you look like a twink. That's what you seem like. A twink?

I'd be a giant twink. Yeah, you seem like the giant twink of Hollywood. You're like the rare giant twink of West Hollywood. You look like a giant twink of Hollywood? Occasionally, he'll peek out from behind an eight ball at a group meetup, you know, at a late night group meetup for men and unique men. You look like you have a rich sugar daddy that wants you to dress like a hunter. What are you talking about? You're in this green warm-up outfit.

You look like a substitute teacher who doesn't know what the fuck he's doing. That's what you look like. Dude, this is 50% silk, this outfit. It's nice, man. I'm not hating on it. Really? No, not really. Well, have you ever heard the beginning of any of the shows?

Because it sounds like you are. And this hat is for Valentine's. Happy Valentine's Day. I love you guys. Yeah, all the hunters out there. Let's do this, my man. How are we kicking this off? Rip my drip?

Rip my drip. Rip my drip. Rip it up. A little different this week instead of uh uh listeners submitting themselves we got some uh some celebrities that uh we're dripping oh oh snappy snappy first up cardi b at the grammys wow look at that and this is a very that is aggressive it looks yeah it has that andy dufresne like i just you know they said it would take a man 40 years to get out of this here dress but cardi b did it

in less than seven months looks like the andy warhol it's like you know what i'm saying like you just bust out of the top of it i you know how i feel i feel how uh her man looks right there he is so disappointed well he should be disappointed. First of all, the man's name, Upset, what's his name? Offset. Offset. Offset! Yeah, well, he looks upset, first of all, and he should be upset because

this man has been really almost stalking this girl. I feel like he's a little bit of a stalker. He's just always on her. Yeah, he's way too close. They're like, hey, I feel like he's a little bit of a star. Like, he's just always on her. Yeah, he's way too close to her. Like, hey, bro, get out the shot, amigo. It's her moment. Yeah, and he's just, oh, he's chasing her

really hard, man. He seems kind of like a lonely dude that grew his hair out and looks cool. And also, he's starting to get, like, I feel like... He's starting to fall out a little bit. Like, he's part of the Amigos, which is a big band. Right, but he's starting to become this weird dude that's just following her around the country. Oh, like Kelly Rowland.

Yeah, he's got that Kelly Rowland, and then he's almost... See, that's the thing. They got the Beyonce, then you go into Kelly Rowland territory. You don't want that. And then you go into Michelle territory. You fade away to Michelle. The third one, nobody even knows who that is. And right now, he's in Kelly Rowland territory.

You know who knows who Michelle is? Jesus. Yeah. Because she sings gospel. That's what she did. She went, all right, Beyonce gets the ass, can't do that. Kelly Rowland's whatever. I'm going to go gospel. That's what she's doing. And she's back with the Lord, man. And that's a good place to be. But that's where this man is headed. I mean, he'll be in two weeks, who knows where Offset could be singing at him. He could be at any Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard in any city near you. Or if The Undertaker is looking for a handler. That's what he looks like.

You remember The Undertaker's guy? Paul Bearer. Yeah, that's what he – he gives me a Paul Bearer vibe. He looks like a guy that slangs bootleg licorice outside of an event. You know what I'm saying? Like he's got those low-key vines on the DL, son. He looks like he's selling you – he looks like the guys that sell cds at venice beach it's of albums you don't want cd the new easy album yeah i guess cds nuts brendan that's cds nuts but it's not hey poor him it's not even about him it's about

his freaking wife that is his wife looking like a goddamn live action little mermaid figure here it's only his wife i feel like if she logs into the website for an hour that says, hey, I'm your wife right now, it seems like he kind of gets used by this lady. And this lady is Cardi B, and she's really, you know, she's kind of like the new Jennifer Lopez. She's kind of like the kind of chubby Ariana Grande. And she looks, if you can see this outfit, you have to see this.

I never, this isn't really an outfit. This looks like a fallopian tube that the plumbing went bad on. Yeah, it looks like a firecracker that – it looks like someone held a firecracker in their hand and she came out and exploded. Yeah, it does look like that. And I'm trying to think of what else she looks like here. She looks a little – she looks like a live-action Little Mermaid figure, man. this isn't this isn't an outfit this is a costume yeah this is a straight up costume yeah it's a costume she looked like she might have like a salmonella or something going on like she yeah i mean if you can it looks like she's like in an oyster and then she's like not a pearl you

know but like actually she has pearls on maybe this whole thing is like i'm an oyster dude i'm telling you this is a Little Mermaid vibe. Like someone's like Little Mermaid. This looks like Salmonella the musical, dude. Look at this. This looks like a hysterectomy hit the highway, bro. She looks like a hemorrhoid. She looks like she burst out of a hemorrhoid.

Yeah. Dude, you ever had a hemorrhoid? I've had one, dude. I had one. Where was it? God. I had one, I think, on my back. Like on my...

That would be a zit. But I'm talking about a hemorrhoid in your ass, bro. Oh, no. That's gross, dude. I don't do anything like that. No, you shouldn't. Well, that's what she looks like, though. Who got you that?

And they're itchy. Who got me that? The Lord. Really? Yeah, for being just too big and strong. You put a hemorrhoid in your ass? You're out of your mind, dude. Dude, I didn't put it there. It came there. But yeah, she had just too big and strong. You put a hemorrhoid in your ass? You're out of your mind, dude. I didn't put it there.

It came there. But yeah, she had a wild, unique look. I think a very, you know. It took her 17 days to get out of this thing. Yeah, that's a thing. I don't know if this is an outfit or if she's being engulfed by something. This definitely has a look of like an endangered species kind of look. But also, it looks like this

dress you could just like draw string it at the top and just sleep in there yeah it does look like a giant sleeping bag a little bit huh yeah it's like a sleeping bag but it's like a sleep walking bag it's like you could also walk around in it and just go back to sleep yeah it's some bullshit what it looks like let's move on but upset looking upset right there dog he ain't doing he looks like he's regretting his entire life right now. Yeah, I'm regretting looking at this. Don't press it after I press it. Press it when you want.

No, same time. What else we got? Next up for Rip My Drip at a recent fight, we got Floyd Mayweather. God damn it. What the fuck is he wearing? I'm trying not to cuss so much. Sometimes I see these busted-ass boots.

What in the world? Dude, he looks racist, bro. And I'm not racist, dude. I mean, I don't know if I am or not. What have you heard? It gives off that hunting racist vibe. Yeah. It looks medium rare.

It doesn't even look like that jacket is fully cooked. He looks like he's duck hunting in a nightclub. Yeah. And look, it looks like he got his little buddy there, little shotgun shell Steve Harvey that's carrying around his bag of shotgun shells, man. Don't touch me. Don't fucking touch me. Dude, his handler, that's the president of Floyd Mayweather freaking promotions. That guy, that guy will steal your money. That's what he looks like.

He looks like he drives a Cadillac and will sell you guns out the back. That's what he looks like. He looks like he drives a Cadillac and will sell you guns out the back. That's what he looks like. Dude, he looks like that guy has a very – he looks like T.D. Jakes a little bit, like that pastor, like T.D. Ameritrade Jakes. He looks like a bad banker. He looks like a dude that sells mutual funds out of a Cadillac. He looks like a bank robber in a cartoon. That's what he looks like. He looks like Steve Hardley.

Have you seen that? It looks like Steve Hardley. It looks like he's reaching for money right now. That's what he's doing. Is he blind, dude? It looks like some people dress like they're blind, you know, and that's like a new thing that they're doing, I think. It gives them attention.

A lot of Danish people. You'll see it sometimes even in the Middle East, Persia, Israel. You'll see a lot of guys dressing like kind of a blind kind of look. He looks like the type of dude that'll sell you a fucking Scientology book out of his Cadillac. Out of an old, old Muslim. And it's autographed, too, by like. By him? No, but like by Barry Sanders or by like Eric Dickerson. No, it's autographed, too, by like – By him? No, but like by Barry Sanders or by like Eric Dickerson.

No, it's autographed by Mike Tyson. It's the only guy you could get. Dude, they used to have this black guy would come through our town. He would sell everything that was autographed by Eric Dickerson. It could be anything, a blender, a bowl. A woman's pump. I swear this guy had kidnapped Eric Dickerson and was just making him sign stuff. Just to fucking get money?

Oh, dude, we had like a hair dryer signed by Eric Dickerson. This dude looks like he'll sell you a Riddick Bowe sandal. Yeah, man. I think, but look at Floyd, dude. Come on, that jacket looks high in iron. It looks like, that looks like a heavy flow coat that he's wearing. You know what I'm saying? He got very, it looks hella menstrual.

They don't even match, though. You got the purple boots with the maroon top. Dude, he pays someone to dress him like this. He doesn't realize that the rest of the world doesn't look like this. They went, oh, no, the gay jockey's in. Yeah, just dress like that tonight. And yeah, those look like they're made out of fruit roll-ups, bro. It looks like fruit by the foot, dude.

Literally, bro. Literally. Fruit by the foot made boots. Yeah. I bet that fruit roll-ups, bro. It looks like fruit by the foot, dude. Literally, bro. Fruit by the foot made boots? I bet that's what it is, actually. Imagine if he has a basement with a couple of little fellas down there, strong women, just beating together little sheets of fruit by the foot so he can wear a suit. And then they eat them off of him when he gets home?

Because he has a broth of chicks. Yeah, ten of them. Wow, dude. Well, dinner's ready, ladies. Eat on up. Fruit by the foot. Got to show these nuts in your mouth. What else we got? Alright, it's time for King It or Sting It. First up,

we got a couple of fellas. What's up, boys? This is Evan Hayden from Tallahassee, Florida. Believe it or not, I'm actually not his father uh we're identical twins but we got a king or stinging for you so king or sting it when twins try to look exactly alike uh sting that shit yeah fuck that noise be your own person let me know dude they couldn't look more opposite and also um twins in what world They do not look like twins. Yeah.

Are you sure? I feel like, and look, it seems like you guys are nice guys. It seems like you guys both might be trapped in the same vehicle at the same time. At least you're together, though. Yeah, you're together. So together doesn't mean you're twins. You have to be twins. You've got to look like each other. You come from the same mother.

I think they're confused. Just because you guys hang out a lot doesn't make you twins. Maybe these days it does, man, and maybe that's this new culture, you know? It's a new thing, you know, a new pronoun. Twins that dress the same? Basically, that's Stockholm Syndrome, I think is what you're talking about. Get your own identity, bro. Yeah, dude.

No one likes two of anybody. Yeah. I mean, I hate that. Can you imagine two Theos that dress like this? It'd be exhausting. Dude, I mean, I hate that. Can you imagine two Theos that dress like this? It would be exhausting. Dude, I would kill the other one. If I had any respect for myself, and I'm going to say this. Give me 20 seconds here, Brennan.

I'm going to say this to twins out there and people that are cutting their faces open to look like each other or doing stuff like that. Kardashians. Yes. Kardashians. Yes. If you have a twin or somebody that looks just like you and you let them run around living, doing stuff, ruining your name, making love to people around town and doing stuff like that, stealing, then you are part of the problem. Okay? If I had somebody who looked just like me who's running around town doing dice and doing cocaine and stuff like that, I would do what I need to do to make sure that they're not here anymore and eliminate them.

Let me get into this. What I would do is at the age of eight, I'd put a sword in the backyard and you guys got to battle it out. There's only room on this world for one of you. Yeah. That's what the Spartans did. Really? I think so. Yeah, so get Spartan. Quit babysitting half of you like Yeah. That's what the Spartans did. Really? Yeah. I think so. Yeah, so get Spartan.

Quit babysitting half of you like some little fuck monkey and do something special for yourself. Or run into each other and become one. Yes. Like run your heads into each other and just kind of. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, now some of those twins, you get the that have the uh that gridlock going on you know you're talking about the traffic jam of the brain yeah you get that brain jam and i like that shit

man if you've ever seen they have some youtube videos where they give those fellows some markers and they draw like a i mean they draw beautiful stuff and you can flick one in the hand the other feels it well you got double the brain too and if they juggle it's easy for them to juggle because there's just three balls there and they have four if they juggle, it's easy for them to juggle because there's just three balls in there and they have four. And they're just this. It's basically just them just handing balls in a circle. But it still technically counts. Yeah, they're stuck together. But twins fight to the death.

I mean, God put you out here, obviously, to figure it out, not to just meander around each other. No, there can only be one. Yeah. There can only be one. But I love the idea of running fast at each other in the yard. That's what I'm saying. And see what happens. Yeah.

It's not the movies. Run into each other. Let's see what happens. What if a portal to another world opens up? Yeah. I love that. All right. Next up for King It or Sting It, we have Lisa.

All right, Bee, Sting, Rat King. What do you think about older women with younger men? King It or Sting It? Well, we know what you think. We know what you think about older women with younger men? King it or sting it? Well, we know what you think. We know what you think. First of all, you seem like a sweet woman. Got a set of eyebrows on you. Yeah, you got two eyebrows.

That you drew on. Yeah, and you drew well. Very well. I like them, actually. I feel like I've met this lady before. I'm sure you have. But I'll say this. She seems like, I mean, first of all, this lady looks like she is in a Rolls Royce or something,

sitting in like a fancy car with that small back window, like a very great Gatsby. Yeah, she's in a Bentley and a fucking meat coat. What do you think of young dudes? She's trying to get Bentley'd over by a couple of fucking sophomores. Yeah, a couple of sophomore boys in high school. Let the boys run that high school train. The thing is, is I'm all about it, man. If you're a young, struggling actor, comedian, and you get with an older lady that wants to take care of your bills, let you drive the Bentley around, fuck yeah, man.

It's like a sponsor. Yeah. Like some people go to college, nah, you just get an old lady and she sponsors all your shit, man. Oh, well, you just got to put in work. And by putting in work, you have to dig down that old lady oh it's gonna have to get hairy here and there man they wake up super early you gotta drink prune juice and shit you gotta drink coffee you gotta drop her off at the fucking country club in the bank yeah you gotta run into walmart all the goddamn time you have to wait in the car and smoke while she's in there you can run errands all the fucking time

she forgets her stuff has to run back in the house yeah dude it's gonna be you have to run out in the yard and do you just you don't have to do work in the yard you have to go out in the yard and sweat a little with your shirt off all the time yeah all the time see that i mean that's a lot of work not you say that man it's a lot i was gonna keep it but that when you start going through all the the shit you gotta do for these hoeses, and then you know the sex is scheduled. Yeah. Like, it's not spontaneous. You know at 6 p.m., you got to get your dick out.

Yeah, it's not like you just get to, you know, maybe something romantic comes on TV and you guys vibe during it. No, Netflix and chill. Fuck no. Go and corral and then suck this dick. That's how that goes down. Graham crackers and jack me off. Oh, dude, yeah. I mean, look, as soon as she gets done knitting whatever she's knitting, it's time for you to start nutting wherever you're nutting, brother.

You know? Don't touch me, dude. Dude. Something's wrong with you. You don't know how to touch people. I'm sorry. It's too hard. But I'll say this, man.

A lot of these young buckos are getting approached by teachers and stuff like that now. And I think because a lot of women, and Nick has even mentioned this before on our podcast, that a lot of these women, the only place they still see men being men are these young guys where they can still do athletics and they're sweating and it's okay and they're not being convicted of any crimes yet. So men are still – the saddest thing is a lot of these boys seem like men to them. Sure. And so that's why these old ladies are really hitting them up.

Sure, and there's nothing wrong with fucking your teacher to get an A. I don't have a problem with that. It's like you either pass the test and put your time there or you titty fuck your English teacher. Yeah, dude. I mean, look. Bro, I blew so many bones to my English teacher and all my teachers. Preach, bro.

I had Miss Famularo in fourth grade. I mean, I still bust nuts with that lady. Yes. We had a lady named Miss. Shout out to the Virginia Court Tigers. We had a lady named Miss Fart, P-H-A-R-T, right? Well, that's terrible. When I was in, like, fourth grade, and nobody liked her.

But I remember a little bit later on in school, we had this lady named Jeannie Garofalo, bro. And she had, I mean, tits from just outer space tits. And they shouldn't allow them to work in the schools. How am I learning, bro?

Half my blood is in my wiener. I can't understand a word you're saying because your fucking tits are in my face, lady. I couldn't even breathe. Yeah, I got a D because my dick is going to explode. Get your fuck – I'm sorry. Is this Hooters? Dude.

Is this Hooters? Or is this Virginia Court Elementary? Because if it's Hooters, you owe me – where's my fucking wings? How long were you in elementary school? I think it's an issue. Nine years, bro. Nine years. I was in nine years.

It was the greatest time of my life well you know there's only three grades brother oh wow so they trick you a lot bro they trick you those teachers and you get their tits out of my face is what i'm saying let me learn about history in english yeah not about my rock hard dick dude all i all i knew was the history of straight um tits oh dude yeah that's all i knew. I knew the history of blue balls. Dude, I remember, man. I'd be so, like, they had this one teacher.

She was so hot. Whenever the movies would play, we would just crawl around on the floor and try to get her hair, even just pieces of her hair. I hear you. Dude, we had one teacher

named Mrs. Roach. Oh, yeah. Straight up Roach. Well, this didn't get dark. She had cancer of the face, and it took her eyes and nose, but she just wore an eye patch that brought the nose out like everything was all good, but this thing was gushy and kind of wet.

There's a hole, man. There's a hole. And then she's up there. Are you talking about the last episode of King and the Sting? You would think, dude. And she would get up there and just fucking educate us on social studies, something like that. I'm like, bitch, you got a hole in your face, man.

Had big tits, though. Did she? Big tits, man. You know what? Well, you'd think they could have kind of spooned out one of them breasts and filled in that eye space. You'd think she'd have been a little bit more comfortable. Have a titty for a nose? She'd have been able to compartmentalize things better.

That's a good idea. But I'll say this, man. If you were a young fella and there's – I had some opportunities with older women and I never did good with them. I remember this one lady tried to get me to touch her crotch and everything on a trampoline out there in Mississippi one night. Sure. And I got scared and there was a bunch of like – I don't know if there was wasps.

It wasn't wasps. It was like locusts. Hornates? No, locusts. Okay. And they had locusts out there and everybody, and it was scary. And so, you know, you go through stuff like that where you can't, you know, get it up and you're on a trampoline and it's embarrassing. And then this woman made me feel uncomfortable and she was built like a little man, dude.

The nerve. She was built like a second baseman, you know. Or a shortstop. The problem is. She had a short haircut too, dude.eman, you know? Or a shortstop. The problem is— She had a short haircut, too, dude. Oh, God. That was a man. So the thing is—

The other thing is— That would have been a man, actually. That was a man, bro. You mean you fucked Wade Boggs? But also, these older chicks are into things you're not into. I'm trying to watch Netflix, maybe Punisher, maybe Stranger Things, maybe Game of Thrones. They're into the Golden Girls. They're into reruns of fucking Friends.

That's not my thing, man. Well, I like Reba, and I think as long as she and I can meet there, then I could spend some time with an older lady. I just, as long as... As long as you shut your mouth. They're not super chatty. I can see you there. You shut your mouth. You shut your mouth.

Shout out to old chicks. All right, next up, last one for Kingler Stingit this week. It's from – So King it. We didn't even say it, did we? Fucking King it. Young dudes hooking up with older chicks. Unless you're trying to learn.

Unless you – and then get your tits out of my face. That should not be in the classroom. And as for those male teachers, get your dick out of my face. Don't wear those tight pants, those stupid khakis, and then have your fucking three-piece set in my face. We had a guy who had pictures of his dick on the outside of his shorts. It was like, first of all, they were really short, and then had pictures of his dick all over them. I'm trying to learn calculus, and you got your fucking dick in my face. You should have calculus, bro, and you should have figured that one out yourself.

Yeah, you're right. But I'll say this, is that if they have, here's one safe thing these days, is that an older woman, you're going to be able, she's not going to me too you. She's not going to, there's going to be no bones about it. No DMs, no catfish. Yeah. No bones about it. You're going to have a shot. So I think that if you want to practice some sex and get some sexual abilities and do some real sex, you can do it like that.

Get some experience under your belt. Yeah. King it. All right, last one for king it or sting it. We got from Alexander. Okay. Rat King, B-Sting, gang, gang. Gang, baby.

I'm Alex. I'm stationed down here in Camp Pendleton, California, but I'm from Wisconsin, born and raised, home of beer, cheese, and Rogers. Go Pack. So I got something for you guys. Wearing your drawers two days in a row. King or Sting? A lot goes into this, brother.

Let me ask you. And he showed his drawers, too. Yeah, he did. Depends on the color. Depends what you do for work. Because if they're dark, I'll rock them two, three days in a row. I don't want anyone judging me in here, but if they're a dark-colored undie, you can rock them two days in a row.

Sure, you might get pee-pee stains on the front. No one can see them. Some of mine will be camouflaged. I might have streaks out the back. You can't see them. You know what I'm saying? They might get a little stinky. They might get a little stinky.

And I think they get a little hot. That's thing i notice about um that undercarriage yeah one thing i notice about underwear is a lot of times they get hot you notice that yeah if you've had them on for a couple days they get a little bit hot yeah and they get like up there too like i wear straight up undies like undie undies what do you wear boxers what do you mean i wear briefs bro i wear fucking your your dad's briefs. Yeah, I wear briefs. I keep it old school, bro. I keep it.

I wear that Calvin Klein. I keep it long school. You seem like the kind of guy who keeps it brief with that short ass keg, bro. No, I got that big dick in the front, bro. Really? Somebody drew me a picture of your dick. It looks like Gonzo's robbing a bank in my underwear. Bro, somebody.

He has a mask on. Somebody drew me a picture of your dick. It took him like two seconds to draw. Oh, really? Well, they can't draw. Really? Yeah. Or you had bad Wi-Fi.

It was coming through more. What do you wear? You wear the baggy boxers? Yeah, I get these special. Oh, cool. What frat are you in? I don't wear a boxer. You're the guy who wrote that joke yesterday at home, obviously.

I wear briefs, dude. And I have to get the ones with the extended cab in the front for this cop. You know what I'm saying? Don't fucking touch me when we're talking about dicks. You're talking about that quad cab in the front? Well, here's the problem. You build up that warm air between your nuts and your legs, and that starts to get so warm, it starts

to almost create its own weather system. You get a little bit of rain that is just built into your body. Dude, you're talking about that dick rain. That tropical dick rain. But. Yeah, that dick rain. That tropical dick rain. Yeah. But also, when you wear underwear multiple days in a row, my shit starts to sag.

So it's a little baggy in the front and the back. What, your butt? Like it breaks down. Oh, your underwear. The underwear breaks down. Like you kind of, like it's holding old potatoes. Yeah. I agree.

It's like your grandma's neck after about three days. Yeah, remember that grandma that had like nut meat in her neck? You know, the grandma that had chapters of different books in her neck? Yeah. Shout out to fucking grandmas, bro. You mean Grandma Nut Neckington? Yeah, I remember that. Grandma Neckington?

She had the best nut neck. God. Let me fuck that fold in your neck, girl. The longer you go with dirty undies or repeat undies or RUs, they call them, you start running the risk of losing. It's transversal with the way you might lose the possibility to do sex with somebody. Yeah, but also you start to stink. You know what I'm saying? Because like right now, you smell what? You smell there right now?

I took a shower this morning, too. You don't smell like anything. It's going to be a little cheesy. Really? A little cheddar cheese. Oh, really? Like a sharp cheddar. Really?

Like a sharp cheddar. Oh, now you're talking. Well, I will say this then, that you get that. Once you start not wearing underwear, there's this cheese chart that kind of factors up. So the first day, yes. You got that cheddar, baby. You got that. Oh.

Sharp cheddar. Daddy's sharp, but he's still here to skeet, you know? Yeah. And then the second day, it kind of goes away and it just disappears, you know? And you're like, oh, man, what is this? That's the Lord. That's the Lord. Now, if you keep riding, now you start dancing with the devil.

Then you get that grilled cheese that Thursday. You're talking about that government grilled cheese. Yeah. That GGC, bro. Yeah. And that shit, it seems tasty, but it also, it doesn't, you know, it's kind of weak in your throat. And you can also smell it through your jeans. When you sit down, a gust of wind comes up, like, that's not good.

Yeah. And then you're talking to a young lady. The next thing you know, another day goes by. You got that crumbled blue cheese. Oh, you're getting crumbled blue. You got that gout, too. A lot of people get that gout. And then the next day, you hit on that worse...

Talking about that goat cheese by Day 6. That goat cheese. You ever smelled goat cheese? Huh? You ever smelled goat cheese? I've never smelled it. I eat it, I've never smelled it. Yeah, don't smell it. Really? Yeah, it's Day 6. So you get that goat. So you hit that cheese chart with them undies. It's a full-time tailor, bro.

Are you coming in with that American Cheddar? Are you coming in that grilled, that gouta, that loose burger, whatever they got, that Tillamook, bro, and that's when you have an infection. If you get that Tillamook, you have an infection. Yeah, you'll know it. You'll know it. Oh, you'll know it.

You'll know it. You'll know it. Yeah. But yeah, underwear, I think it's fair to say, man, you— Two days in a row, King or Sting it. As long as it but yeah underwear i think it's fair to say man you you two days in a row king or sting it as long as it's dark underwear king it if it's white underwear bad idea don't do it unconfidently if you stay confident in your head and look people in the eyes while you do it then i respect that but if you're looking the other way and ducking people and wearing sunglasses and

doing it then i don't respect that so it's a little bit based on who you are but i king it all right that does it for king it or sting it It. This week, in honor of Valentine's Day, but it may be a permanent segment, we're going to give some fellas some relationship advice. My hat hurts, man. Is it too hot? Yeah, just I thought it was going to be colder in here. Well, you can take it off, bro. Your hair looks exactly the same whether you have that on or not.

Does it look good? Yeah. You look like the lead singer of the Goo Goo Dolls after a seven-day bender. Really? Well, I'm going back in the woods. This won't come into the city anymore because I've run into people like you. Oh, okay. Judgmental creeps.

All right, let's do this. Who obviously have been stealing clothes from children. All right, so the first young man who needs help is Connor. They all need help? I thought it was going to be Connor McGregor with his Coke problem. Oh, hi. I didn't see you there. What's up, boys?

Theo, Brendan, how's it going? What's up, bro? My name is Connor. I'm in Salt Lake City, Utah. Beautiful out there, bro. Gang, gang, bro. I just had a question in regards to a female.

So I'm seeing this girl and she is in au pair, which is kind of like a nanny that rich families ask for. For girls from other countries to come and watch their kids and shit. Anyway, she goes back to

Sweden in about five and a half months. And her and I have kind of – Let's just say she sounds cute, doesn't she? Yeah, I'm into it already. And au pair is – what did he say it is? It's a rich nanny basically. I thought it was a deaf person. What is that?

No, that's just a deaf person. That's a – NASCAR fans. No, something. I'll go. Sorry. I've been hitting it off, and I'm starting to get a little bit of feeling for her. Damn. I don't know.

I just don't know what to do. Is it worth it to get all wrapped up and involved and feeling nice? Because she's going to dip out? Or is it something I just should not pursue because she's going to be going to another fucking country in about five months no bro it's easy case to solve yeah love any feedback love the show thanks guys we got you bro let's say easy case to solve clearly get her pregnant keep her in the states what are you serious don't tell connor that looks like he's full of semen you know easily you could do that probably gonna get her pregnant from here dude she he just needs to hold

it down what are you not gonna shoot your shot because she fucking lives in sweden but you can't get her pregnant that's a horrible idea and that's one of the issues we have in this country people coming over here fucking leaving zygotes over here and rolling back to wherever but she's not gonna roll back she's mama bear she'll be stuck here with homeboy, our boy Connor there. But you've got to shoot your shot, man. Maybe she's a real tomcat in the sack. Maybe she's leaving because she can't find a nice man here. Maybe you're

exactly what she needs to stay. You're going to need that work visa, though. Yeah. Well, first of all, she's leaving because legally you can't just stay forever. Right? You have to cut. You just have to be I mean, not unless you've got the paperwork done. So either she has the paperwork done or she doesn't. We don't know her paperwork status right? You have to cut. You just have to be. I mean, not unless you got the paperwork done. So either she has the paperwork done or she doesn't. We don't know her paperwork status.

Right. We don't. Trump makes it difficult. He said in five months she has to go home, you know? Yeah, but does she have to or does she have dick back in Sweden? See, I need a little more detail. Really? Is she single?

How much more detail, dude? Who has dick? First of all all who doesn't have dick back in sweden good point dude go to sweden see if they have dick they do and i'll tell you this brother is that um look buddy you don't want to take yourself out the opportunity before you've given yourself the chance you know don't like say oh well she's going back so i'm not going to give it a shot like it sounds like you might be kind of being afraid to even take the risk. Shoot your shot.

Otherwise, you're going to regret it for the rest of your life. Also, how do you know she's even going to be down for it? Also, maybe she's like, listen, I go to Sweden, I'm going to be back in another six months. I'm going to do my thing out there, you do your thing here. So for those five months, it's Fuckfest 2000. It's going to be a great time for you. Also, dude, five months.

I'm just spitballing ideas here. I don't know. Yeah. I wouldn't know if I'd call them ideas. I would say you're putting words together. Okay. But I'll say this, young bucko, is that the lady is from Sweden, okay? Where is that?

And second of all, if she goes back there, if she loves you, man, you guys will figure it out. But you have five months to figure it out. But you have five months to figure it out for now. So I think love has no distance. Yeah, dude, you can get, you can get divorced in five months. You can have that hallmark. Take that hallmark. That's a card. Love has no distance. Love has no distance, dude. That's Justin Timberlake. Yeah. I mean, I'll tell you it is, dude. I used to, I met a girl in Maine one time. She was pretty much a child when I was a child. She tried to let me touch her crotch one time in an abandoned attic. They had a tennis racket up there.

It was pitch black up there. Shout out also Black History Month, dude. I picked up this tennis racket and a bat came flying through the air. I hit it right one shot, one kill, bro. Oh, damn. Yeah, like Magellan or whatever that – what's that famous knight? I think it's Magellan. But anyway, what I'm saying is this, dude.

You got to give it a chance, bro. Hold on. When you hit that bat out of the air in Maine, did she suck your lobster roll? Huh? Did she suck your lobster roll? No, we both got scared, dude. We got so scared. I had to do that, dude.

Oh, dude, when there's a fucking bat that'll suck your dick and kill you. God, you don't want that. You don't want something sucking your dick for the blood. No, you don't. No, you don't. But anyway, man, here's the thing. I flew to see that girl in Portland because that's where she lived. We said Maine.

Well, first she was in Maine. That's where I met her in the summer. She jumped over to Portland. And then she spent time in Portland in the winter, she lived. We said Maine. Well, first she was in Maine. That's where I met her in the summer. Oh, then she jumped over to Portland. And then she spent time in Portland in the winter and I went to see her. And we didn't have a great time, man. It was awkward and it was this and that. So sometimes love is just supposed to be where it's at.

And that's what makes it magical is that you're right here. You know what I'm saying? If you meet somebody in a fucking abandoned alley and y'all hug or fuck or play dice or have anal sex in the alley, y'all hug or fuck or play dice. Have anal sex in the alley. Grow up. It could be beautiful. You meet somebody at a fucking Kenny Rogers Roasters

and y'all are in line. You don't do that kind of shit. I think what Theo is trying to say has been saying for the last 15 minutes that none of us understood was you just got to take your shot, man. You got to take some swings to hit a home run. Yeah, but don't take yourself out of the game. Hit that Sweden home run for me.

Also, send a picture of her. Yeah. Don't send a picture of her and don't take yourself out of the game, though. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, he's already taken himself out of the game. You don't know, man. If she's blind, if she's not blind, it doesn't matter. What matters is if you guys care about each other. She seems like a caring person.

She also seems like... We don't know her. She'll fly across a fucking pond to watch somebody's fucking kids she met off the internet, dude. She'll fucking do anything, bro. You know what? She sounds like a spy. I think your girl's a spy, and we figured this out. Next one. Alright, the next one is

from Luke. What's up, Theo and Brendan? Gang, gang, buzz buzz. So I could use some advice. I'm 19. I'm turning 20 this year. I'm still a virgin. I've never had a girlfriend. I haven't even had a real first kiss.

So what do I do to get myself a lady? Any tips you have would be greatly appreciated. Thanks, guys. Might whack some eyebrows to start, Bushy. That's what I would do. That might help. Also... Really bring him back up. Let me see if there is... Let's be actually helpfully constructive to this young fella if there are some things he could do. Especially you, style bot.

That's what I'm saying. I would fucks with my eyebrows maybe a little bit. What do you mean by that? What would you do for the guy? Maybe trim them down a hair. Maybe trim them down just a fucking tad. And then also the haircut so you don't look like you're in the 70s. So you might want to update the haircut. Okay.

But outside all that, what's he doing? Like, he's a good-looking dude. He's not a bad-looking guy. I don't look at him and go, Jesus Christ, that's going to be a long life for you. Yeah. I think he's going to be okay. Listen, this day and age, there's so many dating apps, you're 19 you've struck out you're old for 40 i mean girls you try again with catfish a bitch man try catfishing in the dark yeah even get a girl to kiss you in the dark until the lights

turn on yeah maybe uh i don't if you have a sister maybe try kissing her especially if it's a step sister a step sister you can start you can you know you could do something you know if as long as it's organized and you guys have kind A step-sister, you can start, you could, you know, you could do something, you know, as long as it's organized and you guys have kind of written down what's going to occur first. Correct. You guys can be, you know, it's okay to be young and try different things. If there's an agreement. Yeah.

If you have a twin, basically kissing yourself. Yeah, dude. Try it out. Start there. You can't have a twin, bro. You got to start somewhere. Yeah, you could practice murder on a twin if you have one. What I'm saying is this, brother,

that you seem like the kind of person that's probably going to look better in a year or two, right? So you got to just be patient with yourself. Dude, I remember, I didn't lose my virginity until I was 17 and everybody else was already been fucking and fucking outdoors. Dude, I had a buddy who fucked outdoors and indoors. And I

hadn't fucked anywhere. And that shit just broke my heart. Kids running gangbangs these days. They're 12. Are they? Yeah, he's 19. They're 12? What websites are you on? Not websites, bro.

It's just... How tight is your children's hat, dude? Dude, Dateline. Okay, well, look. Dateline. Well, look, buddy. Here's the deal. If I could give you some suggestions.

For one, play it cool. You know, like, here's the thing. You might be too eager to bust his load and they can sense that yeah don't don't get addicted to pornography because that's going to make all of it weird for you i would just stay in the cut chill find things that you like to do that you stay busy circles where you're around women and you see women what about some yoga maybe maybe sign up for some yoga maybe a book club maybe some yoga. Maybe a book club. Maybe join some gym. There's so many chicks in gyms.

Yeah, just something. Maybe hang around fucking Peaberry. Maybe hang around some fucking frozen yogurt place. Peaberry Coffee. Yeah, that's not a place. Well, it could be where he's from. Yeah, you can have the guy hitchhiking. You never know who you're going to meet.

It's the point. Yeah, hitchhike. Maybe some young cougar will pick you up. Nah, let me tell you this, brother. Here's what you got to do. I think you got to just keep being classy, look svelte, get you a couple of maybe button-ups or something, look chill. Attire is nice. Women do like something that looks nice.

But also, don't put these ladies on a pedestal. You know what I'm saying? Keep them chill. Just keep them like friends, bro. Friends get a lot more cooch. Friends stay in the friend zone. So if you want to keep kissing your hand at night and jacking off with your tears, take Theo's advice.

Or catfish a girl. Here's what I say. Get you an older lady. Get on one of these sites. You could just say, look, if you just want to practice virginity, like if you're saving your virginity and you're trying to find, you know, a real, you know, somebody that's got a real, you know. Substance to them? You came to the wrong place. This ain't the place.

I'm trying to get your dick sucked, bro. You're trying to get married at 19. I'm just trying to get his asshole licked for something free. Dude, sign up for FarmersOnly.com. Get your dick out. That's what I'm trying to do for the kids. Dude, look, go to a Hampton Inn and bend over in the lobby and somebody will lick your ass, bro.

But I'm saying, touch me, man. But I'm saying this, if you want to really get somebody and get some good sex and have a family, then drive out there to Amish country. Get you out there to Pennsylvania. You already look about a quarter Amish. Grow your hair about another half a foot, dude. I agree. Pick up a fucking nail gun and get out there and get some pussy.

Yeah, or start selling Scientology books and shit. See what happens, bro. You're going to meet some nice people in this business. But it comes and goes, man. I have a buddy. He's like 34. He's never been laid. You know, I have, you know, sometimes it comes and goes.

But it'll happen, bro. It will come. Yeah. And if there's a reason why you haven't, there's a reason why you haven't. You was probably going to bust in some little fucking nut or butter locally. And next thing you know, you're pregnant. Next thing you know, you're on MTV 16 and pregnant. Crying to us about, oh, what do I do with my kids?

You got leprosy and shit, man. You don't know what could happen. Eyebrows are bushy. Yeah. It could get a lot worse. So here's what I'd say. I would start talking to some, you know, make girls that are friends. Because if you're around girls, you'll have a much better chance at ending up inside of a girl.

If you're just hanging around by yourself or you're looking at – looking through windows at video games and stuff that are going to come on sale in the morning, then you're not going to find a woman. So hang around girls. You'll be around girls. That's what I say. Go to a bowling alley. What else have we got? That does it for relationship advice this week. So send those in.

If you have questions about a lady or a man, send them in. Let's get some ladies in. Tell us what's going on with your man. We'll tell you exactly what he's thinking. Let's get some ladies. My man's doing this. What should I do? We'll tell you because we got some cockatails ourselves. Well, look, man. I remember

I lost my virginity behind a bowling alley over there, Tiffany Lane's bowling alley off Highway 22, and this was during business hours. And I'll never forget that, man. People were throwing rocks at us, and I still kept it up. Good for you, man. You can do anything. Put your mind to it. I'm proud of you, man.

Beat down syndrome. You look like this, and you're still just doing it, you know? The one day you came in with an eye patch, I'm like, look at him go, man. Look at him go. What else we got? Can't stop, won't stop, stopping soon. All right, it's time for Flaunt My Aunt. Yes.

Oh, yeah. What's up, Auntie Ante? Bring them aunties, boy. First up, we've got Aunt Ashley. Bring them hoes. God diggity dog, dog, dog. Looks like a TI video up in here. Oh, wow.

Look at that beautiful Mercury LeSabre behind her. Dude, that's her name, Mercury LeSabre. Oof. Yeah. Dude, she would get all my ones if we're in fucking Spearmint Rhino. Oh, she looks definitely like that out back of Naki. Yeah, boy. She got that beautifulback of Naki, boy. She got that beautiful kind of like Egyptian color.

She got that, yeah. She got that gold piece around her neck. She got that. Got the one, two whoppers in the front. Look how big her glasses are, dude. Yeah, I don't care. She can't see nobody. She could be blind, bro.

Maybe. She might not even have eyes. I don't care. Look at the lips. She could be blind in the club. She might not even be in. I don't care. Look at the lips. She could be blind in the club. She might not even be in there during business hours. She's in the daytime popping bottles by herself. Oh, that might be one of those outdoor clubs.

You're right. That might be a flea market. This could be a used car lot, man. I'll say this. What was her name? Ashley. Oh, Ashley. Damn, she's like 36.

She looked like, man. Oh, yeah. She looked like she got them Farmer John hams on her, too, baby. She got them thigh-yai-yais going. She looks like she came in some sweats, but she's in that fucking southern sun. Just cut them off. Dude, I don't have a problem with it. I'll catch a case of pink eye off that booty, bruh.

You know what I'm saying? I'll catch purple eye, dog. I want it all, dog. I want the Roy G. Biv up in my optical areas. I'll eat that ass like Popeye's chicken. I don't care. Damn, really? Have you had Popeye's? Yeah, I have. Very high in salt. I bet you couldn't eat it all. Biv up my optical areas. I'll eat that ass like Popeye's chicken. I don't care. Damn, really? Have you had Popeye's?

Yeah, I have. Very high in salt. I bet you couldn't eat it at all. It is a lot of sodium. Jesus. It's basically like somebody just beating you in the fucking – it's like taking one of those Morton salt things and just doing suppository style with it. It's a lot. Can you imagine that?

No, I can't, but I would do that for her. I would do this for her. If somebody poured a cup of salt in your butt, right? Yeah. Could you ride it out? No. her if somebody poured a cup of salt if somebody poured a cup of salt in your butt right yeah could you ride it out no i snorted salt one time and it was painful i can only imagine what my anus would feel like but could you hold could you do without you mean make a brisket in my asshole no could you not uh do number one or number two or cry for like an hour no for why would i do that could you do it duke are you a man or what are you?

Somebody who's just running around with makeup on? I bet Navy SEALs could do it, but not me. I would do it for her. I would give it a go for her. Oh, man, she looks like that used car princess. She's out there. She's got them LeSabres. She looks like...

She's got them Mercurys. She looks like she'll fucking take you around in that fucking Mercury LeSaber and take you to the 99 cent shop and suck you off in the back. That's a nice Sunday, really. Oh, and she got that – if you look, she's got that Usain Bolt lead out in the foot. Oh, you do?

You know what I'm saying? She got that Usain Bolt. She got that Antonio Brown physique. Oh, she got that leg. No, that leg first, you know? Yeah. She got that leg first. If you see how she has her foot out front, that's how they do it.

We call that the hut-hut hike. Yeah, that's taking that lead, baby. That's taking the lead. I'll see you at the finish line. Yeah. Shout out to Ashley. No money down, baby. All right, next up for Flop My Aunt, we have Aunt Lisa with a special guest, Walter Payton.

Well, goddamn, Lisa. Damn, buddy. You know she got all the sweetness. Yeah, you know she got that two-point conversion right there, son. Walter Payton said, let me rush for one more nut. Man, you're not going to stop until we get across that goal line. Today's the day we're going to win. Are we coming up the back?

Wow, dude, I can't believe you. 92 glass, that ass. Here's a beautiful young lady. Picture of a beautiful young lady who used to bang Walter Payton. God, she sucked off the sweetness. Bro, how is this not a football card? I would collect all the cards of chicks that have banged football players. Side pieces of the NFL.

It's them and their man. Don't fucking touch me. Don't touch me, dude. Fuck, that would be sick, dude. Why don't we have that card collection? Women who decide, say, look, I did it. Yes, I did it. Check it out. Here's me and fucking Shaquille O'Neal.

Yeah, damn, Don Russ got these thoughts, boy. Damn, you got that Debbie Dallas, and it's just her with Shaquille O'Neal. Yeah, you know it, boy. You got that Becky Benders, and it's her with fucking Christian Laettner. Yeah, bro. Dude, that's what I'm saying, man. It's just two kind of thick white girls with God Sham God. You know what I'm saying?

That fucking Providence powerhouse, baby. And he's just doing the crossover between the two of them. It's two white girls with Manu Ball. That's the collector's item. Yeah, dude. It just says all night with Alonzo Mourning. And it's just like some lady that he used to make lunch for him, dude. You know what I'm saying?

Making lunch with that ass. Yeah. Damn. Damn. Good. Good for her, man. You got part of sweetness before he left this world. And you also got him in the prime.

Look at his legs. He passed away? I don't know if Peyton's alive. No, he died, bro. Did he really? He died. Oh, man. I'm sorry.

No, he died, man. Yeah, look at his cock sticking through the front of those fucking short shorts. Dude, the rest of his cock is in that bag that he's carrying, dude. He had so much cock, he had to carry some of it over in a bag. He also has a carry-on for his cock. He had a carry-on for his cock? Yeah. Dude, sometimes he would make the woman next to him in the winter wear his cock as a scarf

just so he could kind of casually get it around and not have to always keep it in the bag. People thought it was a distressor snake around her neck. Oh, dude. He was the original Jake the Snake Peyton. What about that igloo cooler behind him? That bitch is snazzy. Oh, dude. That's a fucking cold one's in there after he's done sucking and fucking.

You replenish yourself. You know what I'm saying? That's just a cooler for the bitches. You know what he has in there? Big red. I bet just that fucking uh oh he got them grape hitters man all a lot of my buddies could always drink grape hitters in a heartbeat dude it's either grape hitters yeah zima in there you know i'm saying that's smearing off ice yeah dude i love this man dude how about she sucked him off and went here's a game game-worn jersey. I mean, he was blessed and highly favored.

That man looks like he is doing well, bro. Those shorts aren't even really green. They look green. They're green with envy, bro, because of that dank. You feel me? Those are usually your yellow shorts. That sweetness dick, bro. What's her name?

This is Annalisa. God, Lisa should be in the Hall of Fame for sideburns. Look at the legs. Bro, her legs are longer than his. Look at that. Her legs are the same size as his arms. Her legs are longer than his. Man, she built for hurdles.

Ooh, dude, if they had a baby together. Or she built for the Pomeroy horse or whatever that thing's called, dude. She looked like she could jump rope his dick. Dude, it looks like he and maybe one of his friends could eat her entire body if they had like a long lunch. Dude, one of his thighs is both of her thighs. God dang. This might be one of the best we've had yet. What else do we got?

Thigh, eye, eye, boy. Thigh, eye, eye. All right. That does it for Flop My Aunt this week. And that's it? That's it. All right. Last segment of the day, we got debate club.

And the first one from Lydia. What's up, girl? I have a question for you for debate club. And it is what's better, sex in the middle of the night or the middle of the day, 12 a.m. or 12 p.m.? So, yeah, let's hear your thoughts. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz, girl. I'm at your teeth.

I don't get why. Why does it have to be in the middle of the day or middle of the night? How about morning? Night's too – I work too much during the day. Why not morning? How about when we get up? Instead of orange juice, you drink this dick. Why are you fucking people right when you get up?

You're sick, dude. That's how I like to start my day, bro. I like to get this heart rate going a little bit. Like, to clear my head and get going. What are you talking about? What are you, like, the night? By fucking somebody? Yeah. Why don't you get up and have some water, you idiot, and do a meditation?

I don't want that, man. You're such a weasel, bro. You wake up and fuck somebody that's in your house? Yeah. Yeah, that's crazy. That's what I want to do. What do you like to do, the night? That's nuts, dude.

And the lady asked, why not the morning? Because she asked midnight or noon. Dude, noon? I got a job, bitch. Okay, lady asked, why not the morning? Because she asked midnight or noon. Dude, noon? I got a job, bitch. Okay, well. Give me noon. That's my lunch break. That's lunch break Lindsay, dude.

And she wants to know when are you down to fuck, bro. God damn it, Theo. And you're right. You're right. She's trying to fuck on our break. Yeah. Yeah. And you're ruining it.

I know. I'm trying to get her over in the morning. And she wants to have In-N-Out and suck me off. You know how hard it's going to be for her to get over in the morning and then come over in the middle of the night? Dude, you're right. Traffic? You're out of your mind. Dude, you know what? You're more experienced with these hoes. Well, no. I just know how people operate.

It's more of a logistics issue. But I'll say this. Lunch break, Lindsay. I would rather have sex around lunchtime, do a quick sex, and know I got the rest of the day to get back to my work. Maybe think about sex. Maybe my hands smell like sex. If I reach up to my mouth to put a little chocolate in my mouth or to put a little mint in my mouth or something, I'll smell a little bit of, yeah.

I like that. A little bit of sex smell. And so I think that that's nice. If somebody's waking me up in the middle of the night and they're trying to fuck me, man, they better have a real plan. I'll wake up and watch you fuck somebody else, but I ain't waking up and doing all of that, dude. I gotta stretch first.

Let me get my mind right. Just don't disturb me during the middle of my REM cycle. It'll make me bust nuts. If I've been asleep for two minutes and you're trying to fuck or maybe you can look at my wiener for a while and I'll relax. But I don't think I'm doing a bunch of sex. I'm trying to get some rest.

Nah, they torture prisoners like that. Should we see the results? Yeah. What did the... Midnight. It's almost 50-50, though. Almost 50-50. Almost 50-50.

52% to 48%. 52% says sex at midnight. Midnight? Who's up at midnight? Oh, I'm up at midnight. Midnight? Who's up at midnight? Oh, I'm up at midnight. Not me, bro. Unless I'm working, I'm in bed by 9. Wow. I'm that REM cycle. What a cool, fun guy

in bed at 9, dude. That's why I don't look 50 like you, bro. Yeah, this hat makes me look older. Yeah, if you had more sleep, you wouldn't wear that hat. What else we got? Yeah, well, you don't even know what you're talking about because you don't know what's up second debate club topic from you look like you hunt dicks courtney ryan smith yeah wow that wasn't that funny courtney ryan smith she's got she's got a lot of names courtney right the world is off what up guys i just want to start

by saying i used to make fun of the dudes i hang out with listening to podcasts all the time. I did not understand people listening to grown men just straight up talk for an hour. But you really do make time pass while I'm at work typing up case notes. So holler for that. But I want to know who we have winning in a fight. Burt Kreischer with his body build or Ari Shafir, whose lanky arms probably could scratch the hell out of Bert. So who you got? Bert or Ari? First of all, you know, it is interesting.

The type of people that like to listen to podcasts a lot of time. Truckers, delivery people, killers, and other types of people. Bank tellers. Bank tellers, yeah. You throw that one piece in and you can enjoy it. Terror card readers. Yeah. Magicians.

I don't like magicians. Me neither. I'd rather they don't listen to this. What's my arch nemesis? I'll tell you this, though, young lady. What are you asking? Burt Kreischer or Ari Shaffir? Who would win in a fight?

I'm going to have to take Ari Shaffir. He's scrappy. His family did go through the Holocaust, so there's that. fear who would win in a fight i'm gonna have to take ari shaffir he's scrappy his uh his family did go through the holocaust so there's that i feel like ari has some darkness that bert doesn't have but likes to have a good time or he wants to kill you yeah ari definitely has that never surrender like if i told ari to run across the united states i feel like you'd eventually get there bert might die in the process yeah bird has that kind of carotid artery kind of style to him, I think. You know, that posture.

Like part of his posture at the end, you're like, is that, you know, is that just kind of buildup in his arteries that's really holding him up? And Ari Shaffir does. He seemed like that strong. Yeah, he's got family. I think maybe he's been through the Holocaust. I'm not sure. I think so.

He's got a little bit of that. He looks like a guy who maybe like dealt cards in the holocaust you know i feel like ari has that castaway vibe you know i'm saying like he looks like he could do well on castaway he looks like he could pretend he was dead for a long time and then get up and still kill you like ari's got ari looks like the dude that will not die you'd have to really really kill him yeah like you'd have to kill him and like definitely where burt he's gonna talk you out of killing him, because he's so friendly. Yeah, Bert's gonna try to be so friendly and then he's just gonna eat a bunch of snacks

and then probably get sick and pass away, but so I would say Ari in a heartbeat, dude. Ari's the kind of guy who has swords, he's in different countries a lot, you know, he's... Well-traveled. Different passports, drugs, LSD. Ari might be a spy. Easily. Easily. Easily, manSD. Ari might be a spy. Easily. Easily.

Easily, man. And Ari is not afraid to kind of, he's a little bit more aggressive than Bert is. Yeah, Ari will break your heart. Yeah. Ari will break your heart and then break the fucking rest of you while you fucking burn. Boom. Ari Shaffir, no Bert. Yeah, Ari Shaffir.

And the fans say 53% go Burt Kreischer oh wow he's the Mickey Mantle but I would bet that's because Burt has more of an online presence than Ari does so more people might have voted for him Ari has a flip phone and usually it's just him saying he doesn't have a phone and fucking flipping you all

alright last topic of the week for debate club comes from Wade Peterson. Oh, yeah. Hey, Theo, Brendan, this is Wade from Virginia. I got a quick debate club for you. PB&J or grilled cheese? Appreciate the laughs.

Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. Buzz, buzz. You look like me, brother. You like both of them. I hate to pick because I love both of them. Yeah. It all depends. There's so much that goes into it.

The fellow fat kids out there can relate to this. With the peanut butter and jelly, I grew up with a nice peanut butter and jelly that my lunch lady would make. And she would dump, I swear, two inches of peanut butter thick. Just a little bit of jam because it's more expensive at the time. So I like a lot of peanut butter because of that old bitch. So now what I like to do is I like to get some Texas toast and you do it with the right cheese or the right almond butter or the right jam

and they're all nice, bro. Jam, baby. Okay, hold on. Jam, are you from Nottingham, dude? Where in the hell are you from, bro? And first of all... Preserves, bitch. Okay, who has their lunch lady making them food on the DL?

I'll tell you who. No, it's not on the DL. All of us got those. People who are banging cougars, that too. Obviously, we know you lost your V's too. So you shouldn't be giving Virginia advice to that young fella when you're out here banging lunch ladies for an extra quarter inch of fucking PB. All right, here's what I got to say, young fellas.

Get you a little peanut butter sandwich. We used to put a little bit of butter first, then jelly, then peanut butter. And if you want to fucking look for the Lord, then that's how you do it. Right. Not this other bullshit. Sometimes some people just write peanut butter with a marker on the piece of bread and then it would just be jelly. Yeah, it doesn't work. But here's where you get that real hitter, son.

And that is grilled peanut butter and jelly. You know what I'm saying? Oh, wow. Really? Oh, that'll bring your mom back to life. I mean, this will make your mother climb right out of the grave and fucking come back and hug you. So you grill the peanut butter and jelly? Dude. It is like, I mean, it's like a unicorn just came

all over your back and a little bit of it landed in your mouth. It's beautiful. Oh, I don't want that. I used to throw my peanut butter and jellies on the George Foreman grill. Oh, God. Really? Yes, sir. I've never heard of that. That's called that sunny listing, bro.

That shit is. I've never heard of that. Dude. It was the jam. It's so good. That golden boy sandwich? All right. Let's see the results.

64%. Grilled cheese, baby. Dude, a nice thick grilled cheese. This is the problem. People these days are too fucking frugal with the cheese. You got to load up. You need a block of cheese in there between two pieces of toast. You could put a pair of Brennan's third-day-old underwear on there,

and you'd be huffing that gowder, bro. Hell yeah, that sharp cheddar in that piece. I know, dude. I'm going to go with grilled cheese. Well, I'm going to say this, that it wasn't fair, because you said the peanut butter and jelly would then have the opportunity to be grilled. Now, when you're adding heat and different elements to the cheese, you've got different opportunity for the cheese. Did you put a little tomato slice on that grilled cheese, too?

Yeah. Or yesterday I added some lobster in my shit. That's the way you get fancy. Or put a little bit of Brendan's bitch-ass fucking attitude on there, bro. That shit's delicious. And also makes you money. What else we got? All right. Oh, no. Oh, no. Your balls are also makes you money. What else we got? All right.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Your balls are broken, Luke. Yeah! We back, baby. They don't break. That does it for this week's debate club. And we're on to the final segment of the show.

This week, we got a lot of guys out there look up to both of you they want to know what inspires you so we're going to hear what inspired you this week uh with a new segment we're calling start my heart start my heart go ahead and start it deal i'll take 60 seconds and i get 60 seconds on the clock for start my heart you got him since he's a long time okay great week, my heart got started up by Maurice Claret. I got to spend time with Maurice Claret. He's out of Ohio. He's out of Youngstown.

He's still in the NFL? He's not in the NFL, but he runs some halfway houses and some recovery centers. I was in Columbus, and I got to spend some time with him. Very, very inspirational. Just right on point. Just a smart dude, man. He's been through so much and has such a positive life going on right now

and he's helping others so much. And my second piece of Start My Heart for the Week, Cavell Bigby Williams out there for the Louisiana State University of Basketball Tigers with that tip in and sank in them University of Kentucky Wildcats at the buzzer at Rupp Arena. Start my heart.

Thank you, fellas. Hit it. That was good, dude. Gang. Shout out to those two gentlemen. Gang, bro. Gang, gang, bro. For me, it would be Dax Shepard.

Dax Shepard has a pop. Wow, going white guy during Black History Month? No, never mind. Go on. Dude, this is supposed to be positive. It is, bro. You just went on this whole rant on fucking Maurice Claret because he – never mind. You're right.

No, Dax is – Dax Shepard. I'm going Dax Shepard, Theo, before you throw him under the bus because in this crazy podcast world, it's hard to find good content. I listen to it all, but it's hard to find a good one that I relate to. And Dax Shepard has a podcast called Armchair Expert. He brings on a lot of people in the business, comics, actors, comedians, all sorts of shit. Perverts. Yep.

Nah, I don't have any perverts yet. But he talks about his kids and stuff like that. I relate to it. It's a great podcast. Check it out. So Dax Shepard gets my award this week. Starting our hearts. Thank you guys so much. Happy Valentine's Day great podcast. Check it out. So Dax Shepard gets my award this week. Starting our hearts. Thank you guys so much.

Happy Valentine's Day to everybody. Give each other some chocolate and figure it out. Yeah, dude. Give each other some chocolate and be good to yourselves. And thank you guys for joining us. We'll keep kinging it. We'll keep stinging it. If you have any constructive criticisms about the show, let us know about it.

DMT about it. Yeah. Do you got any dates coming up, Theo? Yep, I got some dates coming up. I'm going to be in Houston next week. We just added a show Thursday night. You added a late Thursday show, right? The other ones are sold out.

Yeah, the other ones are sold out. So that's it. It's Houston, and that's next weekend. And then coming up the first weekend of March, I'll be – I'm in Boston, and that's already sold out. But the Thursday night in Medford, Massachusetts go get tickets go get those tickets

see Theo I'm in Miami March 15th and 16th back on the road Miami Improv and then March 28th through the 30th I'm at the DC Improv

in Washington DC tickets at tfak.com go see Theo go see me brother happy Valentine's Day happy Valentine's Day don't fucking touch me

don't touch me dude wow See you. Go see me. Brother, happy Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine's Day, dude. Don't fucking touch me, dude. Don't touch me, dude. We're out. We're out. Outro Music King and I'll stay. I'll go. It's the King and I'll stay.