The Golden Hour - Episode 89: Retired Donkeys

Episode Date: October 2, 2020

Brendan and Theo read their Astrology Signs and talk Shapel's Graduation Controversy, All New Kats In The Wild, Lip Fillers, Fu Manchu's, Shallow Cupping, Nick Donating Blood & Semen, Selling Nudes, Rip To Big Johnny and much more!Liquid IV - https://liquidiv.com/ use code: KATSHarry's - https://harrys.com/katsMyBookie - https://mybookie.ag/ promo code: KATSBetterHelp - https://betterhelp.com/katsSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Oh yeah, what happened in Vegas? You get a suite and stuff? I don't know. They drove to Vegas from Louisiana together. Alright. And that's that, you know... Was your friend a gay man, you think? Mm-mm. Again, the Aerosmith concert was in Vegas. That's a good point.

It's all full circle. The truth is, Nick is that man's son. Gang, gang. Boom, boom! Back off my broccolini Get your life together It is Don't touch me bro I'm not touching you dude

I ain't never heard of a diet like that Like hey But if you stumble on a burger That's my life Go ahead and get it That's my life A lot of murderers out there man You want a hat Dito?

Huh? You want a hat today? Cowboy up dog Cowboy up, dog. Cowboy up, man. Nah, I've worn enough shitty hats on this show. We already got two blind mice in here. Two thick blind mice, dog. Two thick.

We both think. Dog, you know what I found out? You know how I told you I've been doing that diet? Yeah. Every week? Yeah, forever. Well, no. I'm some diet always.

No, I got meals now, right? I'm serious about this. So I get these meals. Last night at 3 a.m., I woke up starved and rolling around. I'm like, damn, I'm not going to be able to sleep. I need some food. What am I going to do? I'm like, this can't be right, man.

The portions don't look normal. So I call them this morning. I literally haven't slept since 3 a.m. So hungry. Lightheaded right now. Depressed. Yeah, but the lightheadedness is also one of your natural characteristics. Who knows?

So I called them. Let's not start blaming that on diet. That's fair. That's not keto, but I like to chalk it up to that. But I called the food company. I said, yo, man, I'm starving. And they said, well, let's look at the computer here, see what you got. And they go, oh, we made a mistake.

I go, what do you mean? They go, you're on a 1,000-calorie diet a day. No. I said, ma'am, I am 260 goddamn pounds. She goes, we are so sorry. We're going to give you the next few meals free. That's delicious. Seems like they owed it to you.

They owed it to me. They owed it to you. Dude, I saw you yesterday, yeah, eating some little McNugget or something. And that thing, I was like, yeah. Oh, that was my lunch. Talking about the two chicken skewers. And that was my dinner too, bro. Dude, I said, if they killed that chicken with that little stick, I said, I felt that was the smallest, littlest chicken ever, bro.

That's like chin fishing. They kill them small, dog. They kill them small. I'm down three pounds, daddy. Nice. 1,000-pound calorie diet. Yeah, I want you to stay on the diet and tough it out. I'm going to, dude.

If you can stay jacking off, I'll stay on the diet. So this is your lifestyle now? Yeah, welcome to my lifestyle. Dang, dude. Not 1,000 pounds. How many weeks? How many weeks? Not 1,000.

We'll see, man. I'm lightheaded right now. A little irritable. You look like John Mayer of snacks. That's what you look like right now dude slow dancing in a burning room baby I feel like yeah

I feel like John Mayer always wears that hat he does me and Chappelle look like Brooks and Dumb Brooks and Dumb Brooks and Dumb fine me

you can be Brooks nice save bro nice save we've never seen no I've never seen a picture of Chappelle in school dude he's always I'm dumb. Fine, man. You can be broke. Nice save, bro. Nice save. We've never seen. No, I've never seen a picture of Chappelle in school, dude. He's always dancing in the gym. It's always recess where Chappelle gets school. Always doing flips.

Yeah, a lot of the kids in the background are in wheelchairs. I'm like, this seemed like a unique environment. I did take the short bus when I was younger. Did you? Yeah. Oh, what happened? Nothing happened to me. Did you get roasted

when you got off? Because at my school the short bus kids got lit the fuck up. One kid. I don't condone that but that's just the way the world was at the time.

Oh, one of the SB kids came one time to our school and dude, he'd had enough, right? He'd had enough of people. He'd shoot that bitch up. He brought a bunch of fire blazing rockets hand rockets whatever those things are called black cat sparkly bottle rockets yeah and he just started

unleashing on people in this back he's just still you know you know attack people at school with fire but not like guns you know not be sat home for the rest of the year yeah yeah and he got you know they made him stay outside and pick up garbage or something for half the day. That's how it should be. Dude, that's what I had to do in junior high. They gave me community service every fucking week. Dude, that wasn't junior high if you got community service. That was court. Also, you're probably a grown man in junior high.

Kids don't get community service, dog. That's what they did to me. I promise you. This is Arizona? I think somebody lied to you a lot about where you were when you were a kid, man. Did they? Yeah. Somebody's like, oh, you just have to stick to short bus just because?

That's insane, dude. That's not a real thing. Even though you're 18, you're in junior high. I don't know how they do it in Arizona, bro. Yeah, Chappelle, I think we got to delve into your history a little more. Yeah, you got to tighten up. Yeah, do I? Yeah.

We might have to get you into one of those, like you might have to do GHB or something. What is it called? What's GHB? Oh, that's a drug. That's a drug.

I'm down to watch him do GHB, but I'm also down for him to get his GED. Yes. I graduated high school. I know I did. Didn't I? Yeah, I did. Yeah, I did. Oh, I think I got a picture of me. We're not saying. I know I did. Didn't I? Yeah, I did.

I think I got a picture of me. We're not saying you didn't, man. We're just saying a lot of the references. I'm just saying maybe go back over when I kill you. I want to be in a cap and gown. I promise. That doesn't prove anything. Yeah, I could buy one right now.

Hold on, man. No, y'all. Dude, I think you were in the church choir. I think of what that was, bro. I think you were in the church choir i think what that was no no yeah i've been a lot of afam churches and it is everybody's in everybody's in a cap and gown in that thing where i graduated even at the funerals every now and then you'll see just like some the black guys that's one picture i got some school pictures y'all hating i think you're confusing community Pop off, it was like, let my people go. Hold on. I mean, everybody in there is hitting up. Nick, that's one picture.

I got some school pictures y'all hating. I think you're confusing community service with graduation. I know I did it. Didn't I do it? Dog, Nicky Monaco. He's like, yeah, we had the license plate making class. No, I'm telling you. It's not a class show.

I'm telling you, where's that Kevin Gallagher? Oh, now, there you are right there. Look at that bad boy. Again at recess. Again at recess. Look at that bad boy. Again at recess. Again at recess. Look at that bad boy. Oh, he's bullshitting around, Chappelle. Bad boy is correct, dude.

That's obviously a kid who had been taken out of class for some reason. No, that was a legend. You went double button, bro. Dude, come on, man. You went full Latino. I got my team photos right here. Go ahead, Nick, show that one. That come on, man. You went full Latino. I got my team photos right here. Look, go ahead, Nick. Show that one.

That's in high school. The Latino top button. Let's see some of these other freaking alleged. Were all your friends Latino in Arizona? Oh, this ain't school, Chappelle. That's what I'm telling you. Yeah, that's my cheer photo. Again, not school.

That's an outside activity. Oh, you and a bunch of Marilyn Manson looking women. Bro, look at me. Who is that dude, bro, on the top left? That guy ain't in school. Yeah, he was. I thought they took this off Netflix. I know.

Yeah, man. Oh, there it is. There it is. This is cuties. Yeah, this is cuties. Found it. More like booties. Look at that picture. There you go. I was a G g let's see one more let's see one more of you not graduating

hey i'm right there you see me this ain't college bro i see no degree that was miss classy's class bro come on now look at you you telling me dude Little dude on the bottom left That that dude's in college, bro That little illegal alien You know that dude's over there, bro Damn, who's that big butt next to you With the hat on Big ol' mean jean with the hat on In the blue dress

Valedictorian Yeah, who's that little skirt on your right Who's Lizzo On the far right, dog? Top row. Oh, man, really? Dude, they put me in the middle. Were you going to school in Florida, dude? This definitely seems.

That's in Arizona. Wow. Oh, yeah, yeah. I like the mix, though. What do you like the mix? Well, I'm just saying the minority is the white there yeah that's yeah to white is there any other black people no it's just you a lot of Latino one is a scared white girl in the middle you get that Hawaiian girl on the bottom right oh that white that white dude all

right no no no no go down the guy he's got like the... No, go up. Go up. The blonde white kid. That one? Yes. That motherfucker was a nut. Oh, yeah. He looks like it, honestly. He was crazy, dude. He was psycho. I could have guessed that.

He probably killed his parents. I don't know. Probably by then. That's one of those kids that will hide a grape in his butt. Oh, yeah. For no reason. I went to school with a kid who killed his parents. All right.

Well, Kat. Wait, what grade did he do it? He did it, I think he was like, he graduated, and then him and his brother were on the run for a day or something. You're talking about the Menendez brothers? No.

Oh, that would be cool. They're older, though. Indian. They're way older than him. So they were Indian, and they killed the parents? Yeah, it was just one of those things where the younger brother seemed like a good kid but then the older brother you always kind of knew

he was a little off like there's always one kid in the bunch we still don't know to this day they're in prison obviously uh i think the oldest one is youngest i think got out i don't know yeah the younger one usually gets out because a lot of times the the younger one will be able to plead that like the older one- Forced them to do it. Talked them into it, led them to do it. Yeah, they're Indian. So it's like an Asian honor culture thing.

Wow. The oldest always has to take responsibility. Yeah. Yeah. And a lot of Indian people drink also and do drugs. Reservation Indians? Yeah. Like Yellowstone Indians?

No, like Indian Indians. Reservation or wait to be seated Indians? Wait to be seated. Dot Indians or feather Indians? Dot. Damn. Yeah, that's not chocolate. I got you guys a gift from Nashville

and I forgot it last week. I just saw that in the gift shop of our hotel for the Pisces Brothers. I didn't get anybody else anything because no one else pays me. This could go nowhere or they could be fun. Maybe tell you. What is it? Is it not chocolate? Does it at least come with a stick of gum?

It says astrology card set. Follow the stars. Pisces. February 19th to March 20th. Pisces bros. Come with a jewelry too. Oh shit dog. I'm going to put that on my chain. You iced out now. Oh, I'm getting that jewelry on, bro. Do we have the same one?

Mine's two fish. Mine is two fish too. Yeah, that's what a Paisley's is. Yeah. Yeah, that's real silver now. Is it? Mm-hmm. Okay.

Next week I'll have some chocolate in front of you. Don't tempt me, dog. I can't. Specifics of the diet. Here's some strengths. Here's some of your strengths. I'll read these because in front of you. Don't tempt me, dog. I can't. Specifics of the diet. Here's some strengths. Here's some of your strengths. I'll read these because this is astrology sign. That's what I was looking for.

And this is some of your strengths, Brendan. It'd be your strengths too, right? Yeah, yeah. All right. So some of my strengths are compassionate, artistic, intuitive, gentle. Yeah. Yeah, pretty gentle. Wise. Correct. Musical. intuitive gentle yeah wise musical

I like music but liking music doesn't make you musical that's insane well I do want to play the guitar this is why I don't believe in astrology you guys don't have the same strengths now here's some of your weaknesses and the only reason I even read the strengths was so I could read these.

But I'm going to go ahead and jump in this one, too. Oh, weird, because I found the same card. Some of your weaknesses. Okay. Scared. Yep. Indecisive. Whoa.

Dreamy. Yeah. Also known as out to lunch. First of all, the term is good. Second of all, extremely shocked you would ever use that term. Out to lunch? Oversensitive? Yeah.

Both of us. Check, check. Fucking kill people. Quick. Okay. Are we talking running or mentally? what are we talking about that's a weakness that single leg is a weakness yeah what that's what yeah i don't know you did hit me with that single leg you have to sprawl on your bitch ass you need to do that same thing to big old mean gene man hit that bitch with a single leg i'll get in on her get her fucking titty mats on the floor you know it says tempered brennan's angry huh i know it's this diet i know you yeah have something man nope and this is your stay wild moon child that's you yeah oh lucky days uh lucky

days uh thursday and sunday so okay thursday's all right. I like Fridays myself. Whatever. I like Thursday. Lucky number three and seven. You like three and seven? I like 22 is my lucky number. And 11. Oh, this is weird. This hits it on the head. Most likely to be molested.

Ooh. Does it say that? Yeah. That's super specific. Bring up this. Actually, let's get into an article from my home area. Langenstein. If you Google Langenstein over there, Nola.

Langenstein? Yeah, Nola. I just don't get what the rest of these cards are for. Are you supposed to play tarot cards? News. You can trade them. They had some pedophile stuff happen. A little pedophile.

You notice how many pedophile rings are getting shut down since they caught that lady? Maybe just go to Nola. One lady. Or click on the news. The homegirl who was Epstein's. Former De La Salle principal right there. The principal showing his wiener for cinnamon. Former De La Salle principal.

You're getting stories mixed up. Yeah, you're getting things mixed up, man. Am I? But this guy. Is this the same guy that did it to to you now the same guy that tried to molest me and my buddies right here i fucking thought he got mentioned in a paper yesterday pretty former de la sol principal another religious brother accused of molesting a student in the 80s whoa when were you there in the 90s but i was in the i was in all yeah in the late 90s almost

2000s but in uh langenstein he died oh he's dead and then they came out with it or is the one still alive he died keep going down where it gets to saint tammany parish over there and it says he did a little bit of molesting over there the plaintiff who attended oh he attended from 81 85 now we're getting closer yeah he ran a school over there uh august 7th lawsuit appears the first time the service of the 71 year old pleaded no contest to charges of child molestation for unrelated conduct in St. Tammany Parish. Boy, now

what, son? Damn, no contest. But still, it's easy. It's almost like saying hey, it could have happened. And if it could have happened and it's molestation that's risky enough. You know what I'm saying? Dude, how about your boy from chair jerry doing 12 to your boy well first of all that's what i said and then he takes offense to it yeah you're you

know better than we do jerry harris have you ever met him i have not and no i have not and uh i don't know i ain't got nothing to say. I don't know him, though. But still, cheer is also kind of a gateway drug for being molested, I feel like. You guys get a lot molested. Yeah, it's always weird when you got those older dudes in their 20s playing with kids. Well, Langenstein, he used to buy us weed and he would buy us steaks. And we'd go over there. See, again, this sounds like a good time.

That's what we all thought, man. We're over there smoking weed out of an apple. This guy's 71 years old. Eating T-bones. Oh, man. I've never even seen a steak, man. Man, that's living, bro. Again, sounds like a nice guy.

He put on music for you? It was good. When did he die? Yeah, we would listen to music. We'd watch the Saints games. Sitting on the top of the bay. Yeah. And the next you know.

Time. But yeah, and then one time he got us some baked potatoes. And this is how it all went down. So he got us some baked potatoes. How often would you go over there? I went like every week. Because I was like, oh, this dude. Good guy.

Yeah, this dude. I'm still trying to find a hole in this man's life well here's where it got risque okay so i was in the kitchen one time and uh and i said i was having baked potatoes i said hey uh my buddy scott said hey do you have any sour cream he yelled that and i said no but you can have some of this sweet cream i I was joking, talking about semen. Talking about that thick, sweet sweat. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how Bobby Lee says it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I said, no, you can have some of this sweet cream, right? Just joking. Hilarious. And then Big Richard, the guy who died, he goes, can I have some? And no one thought it was funny. And that's when everybody... Oh, he's not just here to grill steaks.

We went from high kids eating steaks with an old man to like, oh my god, man. This guy's gonna freaking suck the tartar sauce out of me. You gotta risk it. Chin, you ever been molested? Chin, you ever been molested?

Chin, any old man ever put his meat on your grill? I'm sure. No. I think it's hard to get molested. If you are a handsome Asian kid, I don't see how you don't get molested. Handsome Asian kid. Did you see how big he was? Oh, that's immediate.

Like, oh, who's this older guy? And they're like, I'm 11. They're like, sure you are, buddy. They draw a mustache on you and date you for a month. Were you big when you were a kid, Chin? No tiny i i had like a growth spurt cuter from junior high to high school like a foot and a half or two yeah so you're real cute as i was all that little tiny with big cheeks little korean chick mom stuff this little freaking cornucopia huh but yeah i'm not told to put his nuts in your mouth no now do you get to do do younger

semi-asian man get do you get hit on by asian men or all types of older men do you feel like because i see it more of as a delicacy either that's a good question theo you know what i'm saying i see that you get hit on by a lot of men no i remember i did go clubbing before and then i got hit on by like a white dude yeah he was like yeah you did yeah you did boy you know you get for coming around these parts you know what i'm saying it's like true detective we're figuring this out i knew you'd come around so we came up you gave me a business card yeah this this was in like uh like newport beach it's like chester drawers it's a it's a bar yeah you're having a

few wobbly pops with this old man so basically back then i wore like abercrombie and fitch and hollister kind of stuff and i was working out so i was like kind of jacked cute and i was younger check check so he just came up to me goes hey uh you ever consider being a model i'm telling you this actually happened you're were a good model. And what'd you tell him? I go, no, not really. He goes, well, I think you should, here's my card. You should give me a call sometime.

We should probably get you started on modeling. So I think that's the closest thing I've ever been hit on as far as gay-wise. No. You didn't go? You didn't want to be a model? You could have been a freer. I didn't believe it at all. I did not believe it. You could have been a model, dude.

Dude, again, Sounds like a nice guy Giving you an opportunity And you think he's over here Trying to suck you off You could have been model-ested And you freaking passed it up Yeah look what you had now Because you had big dreams or something

You're out of your mind I know You're lost You could be living in Florida right now God With everybody else Playing the guitar That's all you'd ask

In the morning you play the guitar With the lights on. But it's a good thing I didn't go because look where I'm at now. I guess. I guess, man. I don't know how you can even be an artist. He got some T-bones out of his deal. Yeah, dude.

It was a great opportunity. Dude, I'll tell you this, man. If I have any more liquid inside of my body, dude. Gosh, bro. Dude, it's crazy how much liquid. I shook somebody's hand earlier and their hand was all wet. Yeah, your nickname Aquaman, Doug. Oh, dude. I cried for like an hour and a half and I wasn't even sad, dude, it's crazy how much liquid. I shook somebody's hand earlier, and their hand was all wet. Yeah, your nickname Aquaman, Doug. Oh, dude, I cried for like an hour and a half, and I wasn't even sad, dude.

I cry, and I lick the tears. Oh, yeah, they're good, man. Now, that is what I'm saying is liquid IV. Oh, I love it. In the old days, you get hydration in your body. You don't know what it is. What is it? Saltwater?

What is it? Brackish? How about liquid IV said, hey, you fellas like caffeine also? How about you can get 100 milligrams of caffeine, dog, with your liquid IV? They got that extra hitter. You get hydrated and get fly hydrated, baby. That shit will G you up. Dude, I like to take it straight to the vein.

Dude, I'll babysit a freaking hot air balloon, dog. You know what I'm saying? I'm going to be lifted after that gift. I love it. It's so tasty. My energy is good for the whole day. Oh, i'll eat my freaking cousin's tongue dog how do you use liquid iv i'll just tell you you get home instead of putting a needle in your arm and dousing up you mix it it's a powder but here's what i notice about it when i drink it i feel replenished you feel better man i got that hot energy my god too that green energy blend

you're talking about one to two cups of coffee energy without the crash sign they know that man hit them with the deal fat patrick deal here's a deal sponge bob liquid iv is available nationwide at costco or get 25 off when you go to liquid iv.com use the code code K-A-T-S at checkout. It's 25% off anything you order. We need the promo code cats at liquidiv.com. Bro, you gotta call me back, Patrick. Why? I need to have it, Doug. What are you doing?

Hey, dude, if there's a line in the sand, that's the line, Doug. And it's a wet line with liquid IV, but that's the line, Doug. It's a windy day at the beach. That line is disappearing fast. That's 25% off anything you order when you use promo code CATS at Liquid IV. You feel like SpongeBob, bro.

LiquidIV.com. Dude, don't call me Pat Patrick no more. Dog, NFL. NFL. Bro, come on. I lost $600 last week on Nick's picks. Well, now it's time to re-up, man. Make bank with my bookie.

And right now they got a $100,000 super contest for only $10 entry fee. And they're giving away $5,000 in cash prizes every four weeks. You'd be crazy not to invest your sports knowledge with the kind of potential return on your investment. $10 to win thousands? Sign me up. Now, I will say this. I had accumulated a couple of hundred dollars in free play. And I used that the other night on a 14 parlay. Ooh, bad idea.

You lost. No, and I won. Oh, wow. Yep. When Seattle stopped Cameron Newton's at the one yard line, I got that bankroll. Bankroll. You can sign up at mybookie.ag. Use the code K-A-T-S.

Claim your 100% deposit match all the way up to $1,000. That means if you put in $100, they give you another $100 just for the hell of it. It's an easy way to jumpstart your bankroll. I think the Jets will be losing a lot, so I'd go on almost anybody that's playing against them. My Broncos suck, too. Yeah, it could be a risky time for them. Everybody getting hurt. Niners suck.

They're going to pull off some wins, though. I think the Broncos will be okay. And I think I could see Cincinnati going on a winning streak. Yeah, I think you're full of shit. NFL, NBA, MLB, they've got it all on tap. It's never too late to get started with the winning season. Exclusively at my bookie promo code K-A-T-S. Thank you.

I think Chin lied to us and he took that man up on his offer because this is a commercial that someone sent in for Cats in the Wild. He got his gig. That's it. It's really all leading up to one. That cat's wild right there. That's fast, man. But that looks like him.

It really does, Chin. There's a little bit there. A little bit. He has those gauges. I used to have those too, though. Yeah, you did? You used to have gauges, Chin? Yeah, but not huge. But it was like, you know used to have those too, though. Yeah, you did? You used to have gauges, Chin? Yeah, but not huge.

But it was like, you know, the silver ones? Damn, daddy. Are your ears still fucked up from it? Because I didn't keep it in forever. They're not fucked up? No, no. They're not fucked up. Got it.

Someone saw Theo playing cricket, picking up a new sport. Oh. Okay. Mr. Theo Bond. Cricket's fucking big time out there. Ooh, what's that? Starbucks snickerdoodle. Ordering food.

Yeah, the cricket one sucked. It really was all the lead up to this Starbucks one. This is easily the most we've ever sent in of Cats in the Wild. Brendan is doing a little moonlighting. What are you doing, Brendan? Going after his passions. Hey, what's up? My name is

Brendan. I'm a double shot. I don't know. It looks like he took the business card and really ran with the opportunity. Dude, that's going to be me on this thousand calorie diet, son!

Next, we're gonna take a half teaspoon of brown sugar. Ooh, brown sugar. Oh, holy cow. Yay! And using our reusable straw, we're gonna mix that up. And we're gonna add our ice cubes to top it up. So here's the deal. You could just have...

Did Brian Monarch make this? This is insane. Dude, his hair is dope I'm on my way you were just talking about getting that hair this guy's my spirit animal he's from the future maybe last game

dude this is a straight man in the future where we're going man you haven't been in the future dude if Biden wins that's going to be me in five years. Working at Starbucks. I'll just say this. That guy's had more than a double shot on his back. And that's a little too much.

He's had those long shots. You feel me? That's a little too much. He's had those long shots. You feel me? You guys want how many pumps, you know? You guys are disgusting. What pumps of sweet cream do you want?

Can I have some? Again, your guy seems cool, man. I still don't have an issue with this man. He was adding on to your joke, man. Bro, here's what the crazy thing is. I said Marilyn Manson a minute ago. Richard Langenstein took us to a Marilyn Manson's concert when I was probably 13 or 14 years old. That dude who was

cooking you steaks took you to a concert too? Took us to a Marilyn Manson's concert, bro. Good tickets? A place as big as two of these offices, man. Real small. It was a great time. Oh, it was insane. The beautiful people. The beautiful people. I've seen him live. He's great.

The beautiful people. He's creepy, though, huh? Should I be worried? Theo took me to an Aerosmith concert with just us. Oh! Grabbed your hand when the Armageddon song came on? I don't want to close my eyes. It was good.

Nick wasn't really into it. No, I loved it. During that song, though, Steven Tyler tried to hold the mic out towards Theo, and Theo was away texting on his phone. Pissed off Steven Tyler. Oh, no. Un-fucking-real, dude.

Dude, I was singing the whole time, too. The one time. I'd go down, I'd try to get some girl's phone number who was an escort, obviously, with some older man. And I drugged her and she passed out. What happened? Wait, what? This is the best night ever?

Some guy next to us had two women and I guess he over-drugged one of them or something and she just passed out, bro. R.I.P., dog. It's sad, too, man. Yeah yeah that guy's down a party man man it sounds like a good night though did you guys get some steaks dude and i just got like five digits of her number before she passed all the way out saddest part it's cool girl she was attractive she was she looks smart She looked smart. Yeah, big brains. What does that mean? Check out the big brain on Brad.

Yeah. Oh. But damn, man. I still don't know if Chappelle finished school or not. I did. Yeah, I've been wondering about it, too. Chappelle keeps going through his phone number. I keep bringing up pictures of him at recess.

On my Instagram, class comedian. I was class comedian. Still not a graduating pick, bro. In junior high, Chappelle. Come on, bro. You keep... No, y'all hate me. Did you guys have senior quotes?

Yeah. And I'll tell you who wouldn't know. Chappelle. Chappelle's like, here's a picture of me graduating high school, and it's him at six years old. Yeah. At a petting zoo. And you're like... and it's him at six years old. Yeah. At a petting zoo. And you're like, ah. Dude, that's you with a lizard.

No, I got it. He's stressed over it. Here's a picture of me. All right, let me get one more. Here's a picture of me getting my diploma, and he's in a swim meet. You're like, ah, I ate it. Again, not it, Doug. That's a second place medal, Chappelle.

I swear I got it. Here's a couple of little. I'm going to ask your daddy second place medal, Chappelle. I swear I got it. I'm going to ask your daddy when he comes, Chappelle. Here's a couple Thadianas right here. Let's hit them up. Speaking of sweet cream. Value, value, dude. Hey, Brennan. Hey, Theo.

King it or sing it. Lip fillers and Botox. We love you guys. Tell us what you think. I'm not into it, but I'll cheers. Gang gang. Bye bye. Damn.

A couple one, two, three, four baddies. A couple shawties out there, huh? I'm about to grill them some steak. You feel me? Damn. We'll take your page out of your old man's book. Can I have some? Can I have some?

Man, Langenstein, dude. He took one of my friends to Las Vegas. That's where he got shady shit. Oh, yeah? What happened in Vegas? Did he get a suite and stuff? I don't know. They drove to Vegas from Louisiana together.

All right. And that's that, you know. Was your friend a gay man, you think? Mm-mm. Again, the Aerosmith concert was in Vegas. That's a good point. It's all full circle. The truth is, Nick is that man's son.

Getting him back after all these years. But it's just crazy because I was just reading that article yesterday. They said fillers or just any cosmetic fillers. Lip fillers or Botox. I'm not mad at it. It's when they overdo it or when girls overdo

their lips. But I'm not mad at it. If it makes your face look better, as long as's when they overdo it or like when girls overdo their lips, you know, but I'm not mad if it makes your face look better as long as you don't overdo it, man. I got Botox in my nose and it's nothing ballooned up. Yeah, it ballooned up a little, man. See, you can't have that. But if they do it right, you know. Ooh. Like you can't look at Kylie Jenner and tell me that these procedures didn't help her look way better.

I mean, I don't think so. Was she ugly before or something? You've seen her before? But here's the thing. We'll never see her. She played that girl in Chappelle's class pic. Every picture that we even see of her has been doctored. We'll never see her again.

No, that's her right there, though. That's her right there. But that's also her as a kid. Like, her face will get all over and face will develop you tell me the nose the lips the cheek implants the forehead implants the wig the tits i'm not saying they didn't help i'm just saying we don't know what her full potential would have been well it wasn't that on the right and they did not botch that i'll tell tell you that right now. I don't. Come on, bro.

I don't know. Come on, bro. When I was young, if you got, you know, reparative surgery or something, maybe you got your arm fixed or something, you know. We had a guy whose arm was on kind of upside down. He had one arm that went up from his body instead of down. You know? And so they had to redo it when we were in like

fifth grade or something. See, that's the thing. Oh, it was crazy. Because they always thought he was also in class always trying to ask a question and the teacher would forget and all the substitutes

didn't know. So he'd be like, Clark! And he'd just be like... Hey, remember the teacher wouldn't call on you and you'd have to do this you You'd have to do this You'd have to use the post

Like this Oh yeah I remember that Prop your arm up Like this Yeah if you were lazy dude Dude after 15 minutes Like this

And Brenda's question Was always like Is it lunch yet It was always Can I go to the bathroom Can I go to the bathroom Yeah Can I go to the bathroom

I remember holding my hand Let me go to the fucking bathroom I'm go to the bathroom? Yeah. Can I go to the bathroom? I remember holding my hand like that. Let me go to the fucking bathroom. I'm about to piss my pants, dog. You're not. I'm trying to see my boys chill a little bit. Talk shit in the fucking hallway, dog. Maybe see a girl. Maybe show my outfit.

Act like I'm fucking sharpening my pencil to show off my fit. You feel me? Yeah, I would do that. That would be the best, man. Walking up to the pencil sharpener. Everybody would see you. Yeah. Everybody would be like, what's going on? New kicks, I would do that. That would be the best, man. Walking up to the pencil sharpener. Everybody would see you. Yeah. Everybody's like, what's going on?

New kicks, you stupid fucks. Yeah. They're like, why are you sharpening seven pencils? I'd always go up there and raise hell, man. Dude, the best was when you got out of class during class and you got to go walk in the hall. And there was always some fucking weirdos in there. Yeah, it was always strange. There was always some kid who was getting called to the office for something and he's like i don't know

man i don't i didn't do it like no of course you didn't sean man i'm sure everything will be cool and you knew he was fucking that was the last time you'd ever see him at school you knew he was fucked he was fucked he was an idiot bro and then they would send those kids to that remember it was like the secondary school the bad school oh Probably where Chappelle got his degree from. That's where I had to graduate from. That's why I can't find it. That's why I can't find it. Yeah, I did it.

I did it, though. That was freedom in the hallway, though, man. Yeah. You felt like a rebel. I felt like fucking Braveheart, man. Freedom! The second you closed the door to that class, you were like, fuck yeah. And I'd come back 20 minutes later later and they're like, what?

But the teachers were so glad that I was gone because I've been raising such hell in the classroom. You could tell they were low-key kind of excited that I've been gone so long. Yeah, they know what's up. Did you find the bathroom? Huh? Oh, yeah, I found it. I forgot I even had to go to the bathroom. But the worst, you had to give the pass back.

Oh, the worst. Come on, man. man what is this fucking russia let me live dude and you'd see like there'd always be like uh there'd always be out in the hall like some teacher would be out there like having to deal with some personal issue the principal sometimes we're walking down the hall like what are you doing out here theo yeah but yep the worst is if uh you came back took too long i wanted to let all the girls know in class I wasn't taking a shit. Oh, yeah. I'm like, yeah, it was crazy out there. People running around and stuff. They're all, what?

Dude, I used to sneak into the mentally challenged classroom next to our class and steal all our candy, bro. I feel bad about that. I should. And one time I stayed in the cupboard in there and they all came back in and I had to do like a whole, listen to a whole lesson that they learned about. You were still candy from Michigan? You probably were.

I didn't know that. I was stuck on that. I didn't. I mean, I guess I knew that some of them were mentally disabled, but I didn't. They weren't fully. They're like Forrest Gump. Some of them. I mean, they were definitely at least a crescent moon of a brain, you know?

Okay. So you're not talking anybody anybody that was running on. I'll tell you what, in college at Dow Ward, that was the athletic department. There was this kid, right? Dow Ward also sounds like a fucking place where you go to school if you need help. Yeah. Well, it was where the football team was at. That's where the weight room and stuff are.

Oh, yeah, I remember. But there was this dude there. I thought he was like 21, 22. He had a twin. He was actually 44, and he had Down syndrome. And he'd always wear matching sweats, top, bottom, same shit every day, and have them fold the towels and fix the drinks. And I thought he was touching everybody's butt

because I'd go get a Gatorade every time before practice. He always rubbed my butt. I thought, I'll let him do his thing. Maybe he thinks it's my back. And I was telling the team, how about Jerry? He was rubbing our asses. Am I right? No, I wasn't right.

I was getting molested. Bam. They fired him. So there's your story. They fired him. They fired him. That's so sad. Your story is better than mine because I didn't get steak out of it or nothing.

No Aerosmith concert, nothing. I think if somebody. Just Gatorade. But if somebody has a disease or something or a handicap. Yeah, I felt bad telling them no. I think you got to let them. Touch you. Yeah, just be nice, you know, about it.

I was super nice. Don't make them feel bad, Brendan. I didn't. I was super nice. You got him fired. No, well, he got fired because he took all the hand towels and put them into his sweats on his genitals. Oh, yeah. So they had to fire him

over that yeah damn so that's pretty sad see i had a great high school experience sure you did we back to this unprovable feat yeah i really wish i had the damn picture yeah dude you got another i wish you had any picture from four years of your life. You got another picture of you at lunch? Next week you're going to come in with a photo of somebody else's diploma. I got it. I don't have the diploma. I don't have that. Now we're getting to somewhere.

There we go. How would I get into college? That's what we want to know. Doing backflips? You're an athlete. They'll pull some strings. Totally, man. Okay. What else is going on? Kat, how's your relationship

been? It's been alright. Okay. Same old, same old. Chin, you're going camping? Going back to the same lake, Lake Kachuma. You gonna kill some of them little fish? I'm actually, you know, we've never been skunked before, so I think this time for sure i'm gonna keep one catch it and cook it what do you mean

skunk skunk means yeah no no fish at all we've always gotten fish there no matter what can't you say you didn't catch fish they call it skunk though in the fishing world catch a biggie what's that thicky in the water yeah they're called pbs by the way. Why what do you think pretty big almost? pretty bulky Kinda no one else Let us keep guessing. Hold on Nick hasn't guessed Neither is anybody else let them get if you get you got PB if you guys have your biggest fish of all time It's called your PB personal best boom

And door if you run a small contest like that you have people guess don't do it that fast Boom. All right, Nick. And if you run a small contest like that and you have people guess, don't do it that fast. Yeah, we got two guys. All right, everybody good? No, we're not, man. Yeah. So you're trying to get a personal best out there? Well, I mean, honestly, just a fish that's big enough to keep and catch and cook.

You ever get stressed out and keep fishing, catching those tiny-ass fish, and the girl's like, I thought you said you were good were good at this no because she knows i'm really good at it there was like professional bass fishermen with all these like gps stuff and sonars around me and i literally threw out my little lure rapala being asian baby the original gps being asian before that bro we go we take an asian buddy on the fish where they at young sam that way i don't know if i call him sam but yeah that was the name young sam young sam young sam yeah t-s-a-m oh because asian people sneak that t in there you know oh what is it to sam and the t is silent for the most part though yeah he's island

sorry dude i'm just angry at bobby lee look man nobody knows more about getting professional and unprofessional psychiatric help than your boy right he is dog you gotta do it better man with better help you can start communicating with a therapist in 48 hours it's not self-help it's professional counseling done securely online the service available worldwide i need it man and i need something i'm i you know i'll be in a different city or a different state i can't get to a therapist that i go see in person. Because of the disease right now, you can't see a therapist in person.

Yeah, you can. But listen, BetterHelp wants you to start living a happier life today. And that's what they offer is the ability to access help over. You could do FaceTime call. You could do it on your laptop. You could do a phone call. You could even do it over text. They just offer alternative ways, which are what we need now.

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Yeah. BetterHelp. BetterHelp.com slash k-a-t-s sitting here with my boy fp right here enjoying some these deals they got out here you know what makes spongebob cool he's hairless oh that is true dude spongebob is hairless you guys got the same body but y'all just need to go hairless. You guys got the same body. But y'all just need to go hairless, man. Let Harry's help you, man.

They got the sharpest blades ever. Unlike some other razor companies, they'll not charge you more for their product improvements. Nah, Harry's new sharper blades are still as low as $2 each. A lot of companies, you call them and they're like, hey, I want to get shade. And they send a dude. They send a Vietnamese dude over there with a strong sword. And he'll hack at your body for an hour and a half. Yeah, looking like Cat's dad. Yeah, those days are over.

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handle foaming shave gel with aloe and a travel cover to protect your blade when you're on the go just go to harry's.com slash cats and redeem your trial offer today. Check it out. New U.S. customers can redeem a Harry's trial set at harrys.com slash K-A-T-S. There you go. Try it out first time. Get it. Here's this minion, dude. Yo, Brendan, what up? I got a king it or sting it for you.

It's not the face mask. It's not the handlebar. You already know the king that. Oh! Don't hurt him daddy Spring breaker You know desperate times call for desperate measures right now I usually get that hockey haircut That gender neutral haircut

But all them barbers be closed So That's why I ended up with King it or sting it What do you think and brandon wear your helmet we don't want you to be the next chris benoit or aaron hernandez you're probably one concussion away from that so fair i don't wear a helmet or that brain bucket gang shit that's fair gang shit bro also no one forced you to get cornrows bro that's a pretty extensive process to get done have you had corn rose cat no it's a really

it's a it seems like you would have them you'd look cool really you'd look sick and your sisters had them no really no oh interesting i feel like you have a very specific image of what my life is and it's not right off every time i'm way up time. I'm way off. Yeah, I see you're definitely cornrows, a lot of diaries. Yeah. Diaries? They see a rap video. Dowry or diary?

Diary. Cornrows is a commitment. Heard it hurts, too. Yeah, I heard it hurts, and if you're in the sun, you need to put sunblock between the little skin areas. That is?

When I was cornrows? The younger, younger. Wow. Did you wear cornrows for your graduation? Trick question. See, didn't answer right away, did he? No, I was bald-headed for my graduation. This guy's right, though.

Full man chew, though. Man, it's tough to pull off. Also, girls think you're a real creep when you got that. Is that that full man chew, though? That's that full man chew. I thought it was foo man chew. It is. It is. is that that full man chew that's that full man chew it's it's i thought it's food man it is it is i thought full man chew yeah i like that but the full man chew is when you also have the bottom yeah yeah you got that baby bucket old asian old asian guys

oh yeah asian people what are we even talking about what are we talking about yeah tell us more chin that's what it is you got a mustache yeah luckily i'm one of the very few asians that could actually grow facial hair. But it's still spread out. But this, if I want to grow long, it can go forever. And why is that? I don't know. See, that's a Fumetra.

Damn, his teeth are dope. It looks like a buddy. It looks like a friend of mine. His teeth are dope. It's black magic. You have a friend that looks like that? A little bit, but he's a lot younger. but he's going to look like that one day. Does his teeth look like that?

No. His name is Kwok. Kwok. Kwok? Is he Vietnamese? Q-U-O-C? Yeah, Vietnamese. Yeah.

How do you know so many Vietnamese people? Dude, when I see them, I say, hey, hey, hey. And then they're friends. Yeah. Love it. Everyone wants to be Theo's friend. Because I'm curious. We didn't have a lot of them growing up, you know?

So you see them, you get fired up. Hey, buddy. You know what y'all doing? He's like, who? Like, you know who. Island boy. Yeah. You know who, bro.

You call him island boy? Yes. They probably like that. Yeah, they do. Everybody does. Yeah. Who doesn't want to be an island boy? Yes They probably like that Yeah they do Everybody does Who doesn't want to be an island boy? I do I bet you don't see a lot of island boys

In Nashville though huh? No not really It's a little bit more I feel like I have no idea What it's like over there Yeah Do you even go there? I guess not

I'm just hanging out at my place The whole time You're very vague about it Like Chappelle's graduation Here's a sneak peek Why don't I just hang it out of my place the whole time? You're very vague about it, like Chappelle's graduation. Here's a sneak peek at our Patreon-exclusive episode, King and the Sting Family Reunion. Check it out at patreon.com slash kingandthesting. Oh, there it is.

Right there. What up, Z? Dang, he's in the yard. What's up, Big Z? Big Z, first team all nose. That's my nose, too, bro. Nose on nose, Doug. I knew that was your team all nose. That's my nose too, bro. Nose on nose, Doug. I knew that was your brother from the nose.

Yeah, what's up, man? Not much. This is Brendan, my co-worker. What's up, brother? Let's do it, boy. I'm about to beat y'all's white asses, dude. So now it's going to be questions for Zaffarino and Jay for Theo and Brendan. And this is where the writing comes with, so we can't cheat.

You guys don't answer until Theo and Brendan both say they have their answers locked in. Okay. Do I have to draw my wiener? Only if that's the answer to the question. Jesus, grow up, man. You guys are professionals, man. Yeah, you're right. Why they're both at home during the middle of the day, I don't know.

You guys are professionals, man. Yeah, you're right. Why they're both at home during the middle of the day, I don't know. So far, the only person whose family has not been represented is Chappelle's. We tried to reach out to your dad to get a video, but we just couldn't get one. I'm sorry. It's okay. I ain't crying.

But we got a surprise. That's what happens sometimes, Chappelle. We love you. We got a special in-studio guest. Oh, yeah. The OG Triple OG. Oh, yeah. The OG Triple O. Oh, damn! And did you do it, whatever you went to prison for? Legit question.

Well, I mean, that's a hell of a question i don't know if i'm being interrogated and here's a young fellow right here obviously who's uh getting some sunshine what's up bud hey what's up guys it's casey from los angeles uh wanted to to talk about the Reds game last week with Amir Garrett and he called himself a bad motherfucker and then threw a curveball you know kind of seemed like it would be obvious that he was gonna throw the heater so king it or sting it calling yourself a bad motherfucker and then not throwing the heat is it an okey-doke is it a power move or sting it, calling yourself a bad motherfucker and then not throwing the heat. Is it an okie-doke?

Is it a power move? Or is it a bitch out? Let me know. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. Did he strike the dude out? He did. That's a pretty power move, you bad motherfucker. Let's do that nasty curve.

Damn, that's dope. That curve with Ding-a-ling. Whackums. Hell yeah, you's a bad motherfucker I think the reason he asked this Is because last week Dave Portnoy tweeted It was kind of a pussy move to To not throw the heat And they started going back and forth

Amir Garrett and Dave Portnoy It got pretty entertaining actually Amir Garrett's a badass too He's the guy who took on the entire Pirates bench Walker Beeler told us about that Hell yeah He fought a bunch of Pir oh yeah man what a g he is a bad motherfucker yeah man i all swear in love and war man you try and get the dude out and there's only two pitches if you're a pitcher fast one or curve one yeah dude straight or curve yeah that's it man is that is

that like a shitty move to like throw a curveball Yeah, what is that? Fuck no, it's baseball. I'll get it. Oh, got it. I didn't know. But I don't know, man. Part of me is like, dude, if you're really, then you got to wick it past him, bro. You got to throw that heater. You got to throw that heater, baby, that heaty heat.

You got to throw that Nolan Ryan. Oh, shit, look at him. Come get it. Who else wants some? Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, damn. I'm a fan.

Damn, he went in. Damn. Now, they're getting their ass whooped 11 to 3 but i'm a fan damn remember when the reds had that uh that weird basically rosanne bar on the shot yeah marge marge shot died unfortunately marge is also in Big Top Pee Wee as the truck driver. Really? Marge. Oh yeah. Marge Marge. You're all gonna die. Who's Marge? Here she is. The red menace. Does she not look identical

to Marge Marge from fucking Big Top Pee Wee? I don't think I've seen that. She looks like an older Hillary Clinton. Yeah, she looks like a complete mix between Trump and Hillary. Trump and Hillary had a baby. She's a hotter Hillary. Yeah, that looks like a complete mix between Trump and Hillary. Yes. Trump and Hillary had a baby. She's a hotter Hillary. Yeah, that's probably true.

Hillary just doesn't do it. I've never seen. Is there any pictures of her breasts or anything like that? No. When her and Bill were in college, she was a little bit of a baddie. I heard she went, shut up. But she was a pretty baddie. College?

Yeah, they've been with each other forever, man. Look at Bill. he looks chatty yeah even the picture seems like i'm already having a list and the stuff he looks stoned as fuck like a party you think hell yeah hillary was his side piece, dog. I don't know. Look at that dude. I don't know. Oh, I do. That's the main. The main chick. He's a gangster, man. Yeah. That's the old days right there. They with each other.

They in Fayetteville, right? What is it? Fayetteville, Arkansas. Beautiful town, actually. I thought it was going to be not that cool when I went there. Yeah, because there's a stand-up. It's awesome. Right?

Well, there's a place. Let me see. What do they have? They have a loony bin somewhere in Arkansas. I thought Fayetteville had the new club there. Oh, they might. There's a casino not far from there that have comedy. Fayetteville.

How do you say it? Fayetteville. You could say Fayetteville. Good nights. say it? Fayetteville. You could say Fayetteville. Good Nights. That's in Raleigh. Comedy Zone. Fayetteville. There you go.

Yeah, there's Comedy Zone there. That's Fayetteville, North Carolina. We're talking about Arkansas. There's a couple of Fayettevilles. Some people say Fayetteville. Some people say Fayetteville. Fayetteville. Some people say Nashville. Some people say Nashville.ville. Some people say Fayetteville. Some people say Nashville.

Some people say Nashville. We say Louisville. And some people say Louisville. Or Louisville. I haven't heard anyone say that. I've heard that coming up. There's a Louisville, Texas. Shout out to Louisville, Texas.

Oh, that's what I'm talking about. Louisville, Texas. Got a lot of homies from there. Do you? They all graduated. I don't know about a lot of homies from there. Do you? They all graduated. I don't know about all of us. Did they graduate with you, though? I did not graduate.

I didn't graduate in Texas. I ain't from Texas. Good cross-examination. I know, right? I just wanted to see. Who's this little front-line baddie? Our last king in her stint. Is that what she's actually wearing, or is this a filter with a mask and glasses?

I think she's actually got it on. Hey, Brendan. Hey, Theo. My name is Brittany. I'm a registered nurse on a cardiac critical care unit in Richmond, Virginia. And I have a King It or Sting It. We have these little IV start kits that have some big old needles in them. So, needles.

King It or Sting It. I'm sure Brendan's okay with them with all the tattoos, but just wanted to know. Gang, gang. So, needles. King it or sting it? I'm sure Brendan's okay with them with all the tattoos, but just wanted to know. Gang gang, buzz buzz. Does it look like I'm okay with them or not? You're familiar with needles because you used to do that deck of D-ball on your ass. Dude, I used to do test 200 with a homosexual friend of mine who was one of

the top probably 50 or 70 gay fighters, boxers in America. So a lot of you guys obviously haven't lived much. And we used to stop on the side of the top probably 50 or 70 gay fighters boxers in america so a lot of you guys obviously haven't lived much and we used to stop on the side of the interstate and probably probably shared the needle inject them into each other's butts no we didn't oh really you have fresh needles yeah it's never bothered me i can get my blood drawn tattoos really i don't give a fuck i do not like it man if somebody gets my takes my blood i've had my blood taken a couple times in here you know i have to have somebody stand there and talk to me or hold my hand during it.

You take away? No homo. Like just a blood draw, a regular blood draw? Yeah, but I give a lot, dog. I don't give like, oh, here's a half a spoonful. You're giving gallons. Here's a little cup full. Let me give you something.

Here's 30 milliliters. I'll give fucking a pint and a half, bro. Take some for your cousin. You know what I'm saying? Give them half a pint. I'll take something that you could give the kid or something to put a straw in it. They sip out of it in the back seat. That true blood.

I'm fucking throwing, throwing, throwing fucking blood. Anybody else scared of needles in here? No. Any else a bitch? I don't like needles. Really? Only tattoo needles I'm okay with. Wow.

That's the only one I'm okay with. I'm not scared of. I don't care about any of it. I donated plasma for money two times a week for four years in college. Damn. Two times a week. four years in college. Damn. Two times a week. Is that that gambling addiction again? That's just being poor in college.

Dan, why didn't you donate semen like a fucking human being? I got all nervous, and they shut me down. I didn't have enough in the cup. Tried it. Oh, it's got a scar. Damn. Damn, you don't have enough in the cup. We call that shallow cupping, dude. There's nothing lame or anything. tried it damn damn you know we call that shallow cupping

dude there's nothing lamer than some guy's shallow cupping at the semen bar even rock bottom has wiggle room you feel me

god damn Dom Eric quote there that's tough dude damn what are you gonna do what are you gonna do damn they said you know what

we're good we're all set so they didn't pay you uh no no hey how much is it to give your semen uh how much do you get for money i don't it was a lot like it was way more than plasma like you got 60 bucks a week but for like four hours of time giving plasma for semen it was like a couple hundred dollars you couldn't figure out any other way to make money then i i had a job i worked full-time all during college and you needed how much money did you

need you're making like ten dollars an hour i'm paying rent yeah regular job bro you're in college what are we trying to buy not everybody is an athlete that gets everything taken care of for them okay some of the people in this room didn't even finish high school because of certain issues they had going on in their life all right what i'm saying is nick obviously was working at the bookstore he was a he was about to quit college to gamble okay what would you do with your money in college uh pay rent food groceries and try to go home once in a while what do you think you would buy my car suit suits i think you had a drug problem. That's what I'm thinking there. I'm sure he spent

$30 a week. Yeah, I mean, it was half my plasma. There was actually a guy at the plasma clinic because you get a little receipt and it had a number and you go up to an ATM

and there was a guy who just sat there and sold weed next to the ATM. And yeah, that was some of my money. That's where your money went. Some of it.

That was just the extra. And it was a nice gig because you could sit there on your laptop, watch a movie, do some homework. How long did they take it out of you? Did it take about a half hour, an hour? I could do it in 40 if you pump real hard. Ugh. Oh, right.

It would go in cycles. You'd go like 10 minutes on, then 10 minutes relaxed, and they put sailing back in, then 10 minutes on. And then, oh, man. and then oh man it's all 60 bucks it's all coming back to me because there were cycles and after it would stop and you had to get to this one line and like on the third cycle if you were just short you had to wait like a whole another 25 another cycle so that last one you're like you do it how many times a week two times you could only go two times a week and there was like there's a payment cutoff for 175 pounds the second time in the week.

Your second time you get 25, but if you're over 175 pounds, you get 35. So I'd wear my winter coat and extra clothes because I was right on the border of 175 pounds. Wow. Man. Showing up. Right? Pushing the limits to get that extra. You can't donate blood if you've got tattoos. You know that? Like recently. If you got them within a year extra you can't donate blood if you've got tattoos you know that

uh in like recently if you got them like within a year you can't donate blood oh you have to wait a while yeah i can't donate blood because they're using because using steroids really yeah really they have to use the intravenous drugs or intra intramuscular too i think so yeah it must because i told him they said we can't take your blood i said damn all right and i already had it out of me what'd they do with it should went to the seaming toss it oh she went to that jackoff clinic i'm not doing that i have a buddy who got a note in the mail the other day it said he has like 11 children out there that's too crazy to me so that's what they do with the semen? Oh, yeah.

Give it out. You ever seen that Vince Vaughn movie where he has like 300 kids? Delivery man? Well, one of the crazy... That's a true story, too.

Here's a thing you don't know that goes on. A lot of these women who are in beauty pageants, beauty women... Like Miss America? Yeah, Miss America, Miss whatever,

Miss Idaho, Miss Haystack, Miss frickin' Miss Ventura, Miss Napalm or whatever. I don't know what it's like in some countries, but you they those women will donate

their eggs. That's how a lot of those women make money. You're wondering how a lot of these hot girls make money and how they're surviving. It's a couple of grand an egg. bang energy isn't paying all these women you know skinny t can't pay everybody totally and it can't so how they're doing it is they're making big money selling their eggs because then a lot of men will just be like well i already have every i like what i have in my life. I like how I think. I just need more attractiveness.

So then they go to those egg farmers and they say, hey, let me get an egg out of Miss South Dakota, 48 or 71 or whatever. I feel like that's a hard road. But some of them Instagram thoughts also just selling their body. Well, some of them are selling body, yeah. But some of them are selling eggs. Who, but some of them are selling eggs. Who are you selling body? Selling sex. Oh, selling sex.

But some of them are selling... Eggs is much more lucrative, though. You can get $30,000 for a batch of eggs if you're smart as well. You ever consider that, Kat? I looked into it for a short amount of time in college. I knew it. Let's be honest.

Now, let's all get honest here. Let's get honest. There we go. Now college is what's after. I don't want to shock Chappelle. New realms. Chappelle's like, here's a picture of me in college, dude. And it's him right after he was born.

He's like, I was 8 pounds, 11 ounces, man. You ever see Louisville? It was hot as hell. I'm like, that's an incubator. But so you looked in it, so you've heard of this. This is a thing that women think about. Yeah, me and a bunch of my friends were trying to figure out how

to make money in college because we're all broke um there was a girl who ended up selling pictures of her feet and then another girl said oh can we sell our eggs the same way guys can sell their sperm and so we tried to look into it and what ended up happening is like it's weird because the process is so invasive but you could get a lot of money for a couple eggs you guys decide not to do it though yeah no the feet picture has seemed like a better deal do you sell your uh feet pics i did sell pictures of somebody else's feet for a short amount of time amen and shout out jason tebow who i've used his penis picture before girls do that a lot with nudes too they'll send uh their friends nudes to a guy

because they're like oh like i'm on my period right now i'm bloated or something can i use your nudes and send it to him and we'll do that that's cool wow you know what that's called it's called teamwork teamwork it makes the dream work well it makes something work can you look up the uh call how much an egg is for a woman? Because here's, now you want to talk about disparity in the wage gap. I'm going to show you right here. From the beginning. Whoa. Look at this.

Look at the cost on this. What is it? $12,000. Well, we make less eggs than you guys make sperm. $10,000. $10,000. Previously, the donor just paid $12,000. So yeah, if you're like a grade A donor.

So it says egg donors are paid for every donation and have the potential to earn at least $70,000 after completing multiple egg donation cycles. Wow. The first time egg donors paid $10,000, I jack off in a cup, I get $300. That's what I'm saying. If you have enough.

Yeah. If you have enough. You show up a milliliter shy, dude. That thing's spilling over. And you're back at the bookstore. Somebody cleaning up. Back at the bookstore trying to get a parlay to pay for rent. Yeah.

Look how vague it is, dude. Men are paid anywhere from $35 to $125. Show a little pride, bud. $35 to jack off in a cup. And you got to hit the cup, man. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, you got to hit the cup. They should give you an extra $10 for getting it in the cup.

I had a buddy that paid $400 to jerk himself off. Wait, what did he pay? He went to a whorehouse. Oh, he did? Oh, and got a handjob? But they made him do it? Yeah, he had to do it. Damn, your boy got hustled.

You know what a happy end is? The girl snatched my money up. She took all my money. Oh, you got nothing. Yeah, I got nothing. Jam, you guys got hustled. You boys ain't ready. No.

Y'all too green behind the ears, man. Yeah, she snatched my money out of my hand. And also, some dude knocked on the door. He said, time's up. And I was like, what? Then I had to wait for my buddy, because he was still in there. And they were like, your friend's going to be a little bit longer. And so he comes out.

I was like, what'd you do? He goes, oh, I just paid paid 400 just to jerk himself off and you know i looked at her yeah yeah oh we did dude you could do that what a waste of fucking time because i was going to college and i was and it was like he was like this is not college this sounds like something in Mexico I was just going to college he was like yo let's do something

you know like it's your last night in town let's go to a whorehouse so I can jack off we didn't know it was a whorehouse it looked like a

strip club building but we walked in and they had rooms you boys are wild in Louisville no that wasn't in Louisville that was back home in Arizona

well also one thing when I lived in Tucson man it was easy to get down to Mexico and get into trouble Louisville. No, that wasn't in Louisville. That was back home in Arizona. Well, also, one thing, yeah, when I lived in Tucson, man, it was easy to get down to Mexico and get into trouble. You could buzz right down there and jerk off over there for, you know, $30. They got them donkey shows in Mexico now. I guess. But a lot of the donkeys have retired at some of the greats. Yeah, they go those long stretches. yeah long stretches how long does a donkey last 12 years bro yeah pumping they got a little uh they got this little

sea biscuit junior down there that i've seen before junior sorry junior yeah sea biscuit it sounds like it sounds like a nice time, don't it? Little street tacos. Yeah. See a donkey show. Then when you actually see how the sausage is made, it'll break your heart, man. Damn. Yeah, man.

You got to go down there and see a little Seabiscuit Junio. You think Nick's fucking giving us a sad story about jacking off and donating blood in college. Some of these Mexican women, the things they got to do just to fucking sleep at night, man. Nick's so confused, he's jacking off at the blood. They're telling me he doesn't have enough. Just so he can quit school and bet on parlay.

It's not parlay, dude. God. I should have read this guy's resume. I know that. He's a hard worker, though. I'll keep going, man. I'll keep going, man. I'll keep going. What else were we talking about?

So I can't believe that. So that's a real thing that women do, Kat? Yeah, I mean, if times get rough, let me know if somebody wants an egg. Wow. Now, a lot of women will freeze eggs. If they're single, they're just kind of assholes. If they're 37. Can't get a man, so they of women will freeze eggs. If they're single, they're just kind of assholes. If they're 37. Can't get a man, so they freeze the eggs.

Yeah. Now, if you look also, Nick, can you go to one of those sites where you get to pick the woman whose egg you get? Now, that's where you do it. It's kind of like a... Is it like a menu? Yeah. And you can say, okay, what about this woman? She was Miss Colorado.

Ooh, that's cool. 1994. Let's see what she's got. With CRISPR technology too, you'd be able to pick color of their eyes, height, weight. Wow. Yeah, they're called designer

babies, right? Wait, what? That's why when you see these men, they got this baby and people are rich are just doing what they want to do, man. It's crazy. Look how happy those two are meanwhile the rest of us poor people gotta keep fucking each other down here outside of the bank and hopefully something works out yeah hopefully hopefully every now and then somebody breaks through the freaking you know into gets past the velvet rope my sister got six

kids does she same baby daddy too damn. Damn. That's what I said. Now, who are all these people? Are these people you can choose, Nick? Yeah. To see their pictures, we've got to register. But get their stats. You can get Jamaican, Danish. Look at that.

You can go full Dane. She's 5'8". 5'8", 170. Get that little thick, baby. Oh, she could win a Westminster right there. That's blue ribbon. Education trade school. Shut up. Ooh, this one's blue ribbon. Education trade school. Shut up.

Ooh, this one's a dime. 5'6", 117. Master's degree. Hey, fella, I wouldn't bring it up if you didn't keep showing us pictures from high school. I agree, man. You brought this on yourself. He's like, here's a picture when I graduated with Tim and an Easter egg on a church.

He was seven years old. Is that it, Nick? That's it. How long do we go? It's an hour and ten. Damn. Oh, damn. Seems longer sometimes.

You got that Easter outfit? Yeah, I do. You can see Chappelle in his Easter outfit. Here's Chappelle when he ran for class president. Hey, go to my IG. It's on my IG. It's a little Easter outfit. You see me in my little suit.

You need to bring that Easter outfit to Dallas tonight. You, me, Malik in Dallas Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Addison Improv, son. Addison Improv. Let's do it. I'll bring this hat. Where am I going? Scroll down. Scroll down.rov. Let's do it. This hat's coming with me. I'll bring this hat. Where am I going? Scroll down.

Scroll down. I know I got that Easter. There it is right there. Right there, baby. See it? Right in the middle right there. Look at me go. Again, not graduating. I mean.

Yeah. He's like, here's one. I got my first job out of college at the bank. And you're like. Look. I'll go home and find the high school picture I know I have it the high school picture you heard him

let me know when you find it Doug I got it he's gonna bring in a drawing I don't know about this a character me and my mom at my graduation dude I'll tell you this. At my graduation, man, my brother and his friend were supposed to come do it.

This is high school? Yeah. And my brother ended up, for some reason, he couldn't come, but his buddy came that I barely even knew. So awkward. That's hilarious. Congrats, Theo. It was wasted, bro. His friend was wasted bro his friend was wasted dude like it was like a like a year like

a soccer game in fucking uh spain this dude was bombed eating shrimp he got the thing of shrimp from somewhere and oh you could tell nobody was even sitting by him. It was a packed place. He's obnoxious. Yeah. That's Ross, my boy. He did it. Five years. Defense. He did it. Defense. He was wasted, man.

Hit the six pointer. R.I.P., man. R.I.P. That guy passed away, too, man. He ended up passing away. Big Johnny. I think it was probably from drug overdose But good guy man R.I.P. Big Johnny Good episode

Gang man Black Rifle Coffee, I'm ready to go I need a sponsor, I am a monster About to open up with this at my concerts Flow is contagious, brows are outrageous Thicker than girls that are Instagram famous Damn, hungry like I'm fresh off keto Seeing red like Andrew Santino Every song a hit like the great Bambino Brennan ate the queso and the quesoritos But everything's gonna be fine

Hate on me, I do not mind Theo looking like the type of dude that got a pack of matches in his pockets at all times They sliding into my DMs A couple of you tried but couldn't beat em Quit playing like Nintendo DS You don't want to smoke like Joey Diaz Meaning y'all edible Just got my eyebrows threaded and I'm feeling incredible

Brandon's son hit me up He said it's too loud in the club, can you pick me up? King and the sting King and the sting King and the sting oh yeah king and the sting bee sting rat king oh yeah king and the sting king and the sting got the bees in the trap got the cheese on a string oh yeah king and the sting king and the sting king and the sting bee sting rat king Outro Music