The Golden Hour - Episode 9: Teddy Rubskins

Episode Date: February 21, 2019

The guys ring in the Chinese New Year, introduce a new segment called "Joke my Smoke" and talk cute pigs, childhood Teddy Bears, sex robots, dogs in strollers, American muscle, skeetin mudskippers, silent love making, girls with male best friends, mispronounced names and much more!Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoicesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Oh Yeah, it's the bee sting king in the rat king To the strap, baby, come get it. Be the sting. Rat King. King of the Sting. Look at Jim. Is it Chinese New Year?

Why? Are you Chinese? No. I'm not either. Are you? Nope. Oh, well, what are we talking about? Why are we talking about Chinese New Year?

I don't know, dude. But it is their New Year. Yeah, it always is, dude. That's the thing about, yeah. It's the year of the dog, I feel like, every year. Is it not year of the dog, Kat? What is it? Pig. Pig, yeah.

Oh, pig. What is it? I don't like swine myself. Really? No, I don't, yeah. It's the year of the dog, I feel like, every year? Is it not year of the dog, Kat? What is it? Pig. Pig, yeah. Oh, pig. Who is it? I don't like swine myself. Really? No, I don't like pork. I don't like pork chops. You don't? Name something else that has pork in it.

Bacon. Pork sandwiches. Pork chops. Pork ribs. Sorry, is that pork chops, dude? I know, I'm just going through the list. Ribs? What about ribs?

Yeah, they have pork ribs. Pork ribs are better than beef, though. But who would eat a rib off pork chops, dude. I know. I'm just going through the list. Ribs? What about ribs? Yeah, they have pork ribs. Pork ribs are better than beef, though. But who would eat a rib off a pig, dude? You ever seen a pig? Huh? They're cute as shit. Oh, yeah, dude. Some of them are cute.

Some of them are very, very disgruntled. You're talking about a warthog, then? No. I'm talking about real people. Dude, look at. Come on, bro. You're going to eat his face off? You know people eat their snouts?

I start from the back. I don't eat the front. I don't want to eat the front of the pig, but I'll eat the ass. You're going to eat his face off? You know people eat their snouts and their eyes. I start from the back. I don't eat the front. I don't want to eat the front of the pig, but I'll eat the ass. You eat the asshole? Yeah. No, I won't eat the asshole. They don't even sell that, I don't think.

You can get it on the dark web, I think. Or maybe a CVS in the back. It's the reason why the pig's the Chinese animal. Yeah, that's not a front door item. You can't go into a damn CVS and get a PA, pig asshole. You can put soy sauce or whatever you want all over that thing. Oh, dude, you got to put a condiment. If you eat pig assholes straight, you're going to hell. That's how you get the, pig asshole. Put soy sauce or whatever you want all over that thing. Oh, dude, you got to put a condiment. If you eat pig assholes straight, you're going to hell.

That's how you get the swine flu. Yeah, that's how you get the swine flu, dude. What's going on, man? What's going on? Not too much, man. I hurt a muscle in my arm. Doing what? Nothing?

Yeah, I don't know. Walking into a meeting? I think I rolled over really hard in my sleep. Did you roll over on your teddy bear? Do you sleep with Teddy Ruxpin? I don't know, dude. Dude, that thing was hard as shit. I had a Teddy Ruxpin.

Teddy Ruxpin? It's Ruxpin. It's Ruxpin? Do you remember those? Do you remember how hard they were? They had batteries in them, bro. They had a boombox. He was a teddy bear surrounded by a boombox. He was like, I'm yours. It was that little fucking bear. Yeah, I had one as a kid and his jaw

fell off and it was scary as shit. Bro, do you remember the big lawsuit between Teddy Ruxpin and the Shoney's Bear? Let's pull up that Shoney's Bear as well. What was the Shoney Bear, the alley cat version? Well, it was, uh, they had a real legal issue over that. It was the same bear. Uh, the same bear if you're on

fucking sugar smacks. But look, take away the overalls, take away that Shoney's red uh, smock that he has on. I mean, they're both bears. That's about it. Well, look past the outfit and see if it's not the same bear. Can we do a side-by-side with that Shoney's bear? Does that one talk? And that Teddy Rupskin? That's what Brendan

called him. Brendan had the bootleg one. Oh, yeah. No, I didn't have the original. No, no, no. I wore Payless shoes and withdrawal Nike signs on them and the Teddy Rupskins. Dude, I had them Air Flight 9000s. Remember those? You're talking about the McGregor 9000s?

There weren't even any... There weren't even an athlete, you know? I always had like... It was like a swimmer. I had their shoes or something. I had like those. You had the aqua socks? Yeah, like Carl, like I had those Michael Spitz. You're like, Jesus, they have shoes for this guy?

That guy got his own shoe? That guy? But see, look at these bears and they had the lawsuit. And that was it. And who won? Teddy Ruskins? Yeah, dude, first of all. Brendan had fucking. Dude, I had the lawsuit. And that was it. And who won? Teddy Ruffskins? Yeah, dude, first of all. Brendan had fucking...

Dude, I had the bootleg. Daddy, get over it, man. Get over it. Dude, Teddy Ruffskins sounds like a black dude. Can we pull up? Can we really? I don't know if you can put that there. Don't Google Teddy Ruffskins.

You're going to get some weird shit. Yeah, Teddy Ruffskins sounds like a straight brother that's definitely. Sounds like a brother back in the day, like old school. It sounds like I used to have a vice principal named Raleigh Coleman, and he used to sleep in the trunk of his car over there during recess at the school. Sounds like a security guard I had over in high school. Oh, Teddy Rufskins? You know Mr. Rufskins?

Don't fuck with Mr. Rufskins. Teddy Rufskins sounds like the first black Native American, dude. Oh, you know him, bro. You know I'm talking about big dog over there down by the river, Teddy Rupskins. Oh, boy, Teddy Rupskins it all cuts. I can't believe you had bootleg toys. Hey, man, sometimes the budget didn't include my toys. Respect, man.

Yeah, you know how it goes. Dude, one time my mom, for Christmas, she got us a bunch of two-liter sodas, and we just shook them up and sprayed them all over each other. That's a good time. Dude, we had a blast. My mom just got us the whiz, cheese whiz. Oh, she did? It was like, do what you want.

Fill each other up. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That was our silly string. Oh, that's good. You could eat it and then also play with it. That's pretty good. Yeah, it's smart when you think about it.

That's not a bad idea. Don't you buy us cleats and we just wear them until they became regular shoes? I don't. Damn. Yeah. The molded cleats and we just wear them until they became regular shoes? I don't. Damn. Yeah. The molded cleats. Wow. They last twice as long.

You guys went through a lot. Yeah, man. Wow. Been through a lot. Refresh your spring cleaning to-do list with an oil change bundle for your vehicle at Advance Auto Parts. Get five quarts of Mobile One Castrol Valvoline Pennzoil or Fram Oil bundled with a select oil filter for one low price. Pennzoil or Fram oil bundled with a select oil filter for one low price. And right now, choose a mobile one full synthetic oil change bundle starting at $39.99 and get a drain pan and funnel free.

Right oil, right filter, right price every day. Only at Advanced Auto Parts and participating CarQuest locations. Use the Advanced Auto Parts app to build your bundle and pick it up at your nearest store. Well, Teddy Rupskins is it, man. Let's get into it, huh? Let's start this up, bro. Also, here's the other thing. From now on, the podcast will be available every Thursday morning.

Yeah. Like last week so much. It went well. The fans appreciate it. The podcast will drop every Thursday morning. Yeah, and this is a wonderful way for you to get in touch with yourself on a Thursday. End the week right, bro. Yeah, end the week right.

A lot of people at the end of the week, they don't know what they're doing. They're driving around the park. Their kids are asleep. They're smoking drugs. They're waiting for happy hour. Yeah, dude. They're fucking smoking reefer.

They're Googling Teddy Rupskins on the internet. They've lost their way. Buying sea babies. Yeah. Sea monkeys. Yeah. Sea monkeys. Sea babies. Yeah, buying stuff off the dark web, but this is a chance for you to finish a week strong, and that's what it'll be that Thursday.

That's why we're doing it. Everyone's like, oh, Monday, Tuesday, here I come. We're like, nah, we're coming up the back door, coming up that poop shoot Thursday. Well, also, we're just releasing the thing on Thursdays. We're not doing anything that you just said. But we also want to thank our, we have a new writer that's helping us out just by putting us some. Fuck. You got that black lung, huh?

Yeah. We also want to thank, we got a new associate producer that's helping it out. Our boy Derek Poston. He's a comedian and he's helping us just find some good stuff to scour the web. And he's a real artful guy. He's a door guy at the comic store. Yeah, and I'll be honest with you, he's diverse. That's how we roll.

Give it up, bro. That's it, bro. Don't fucking touch me. That's barely how we roll, dude. What do you mean? We're both white guys, dude. Are we? I'm Polish Nicaraguan, so whatever.

I don't know what I am. I did 23andMe, and it still hasn't come through, and that was a year ago. Oh, dude. Yeah, they're just trying to figure it out. Oh, really? I go with everyone. Oh, you know what I am. I did 23 of me, and it still hasn't come through. And that was a year ago. Oh, dude. They're just trying to figure it out. Oh, really? I go with everyone. Oh, you sent them that real. How much did you put in there?

I pissed in the whole bottle. Oh, damn, bro. Wow. Filled it all the way up, bro. Oh, wow. There you go. I don't know how everyone else did it, but we're still waiting. Oh, you give them a lot more, dude.

I give them a lot more than they ask for. They ask for that little line. I throw in a little quart. Yeah, you give them a lot more, dude. I give them a lot more than they ask for. They ask for that little line. I throw in a little quart. Yeah, I'll give them all they can handle. I want you to have more than less. Yeah, oh, I threw in a bottle of Code Red in there. I poured a little bit of that in. Yeah, I'll throw a little Fresca in there just to mix it up on it

and see how good they are. Oh, dude, throw a little milk in there, you fucking... Am I a Fresca? Am I human? You figure it out. Oh, yeah. You're the reason I paid $99. All right, what do we got?

Let's start with some Rip My Drip. But actually, I got one I want to throw in under the belt here. You mean below the belt? Yeah. Shout out to Showtime. Yeah, and also shout out to the fact that I will be at the Houston Improv this weekend. Oh, wow. Yeah, and Thursday night.

We still need some people to come out. We got a Thursday late show. And next weekend, I'll be in Boston in two weekends from now in Medford at the Chevalier Theater. Boston, fantastic, man. I'll be in Miami March 15th and 16th. Are you nervous about that? I'd be nervous. About Miami?

Yeah. Why? I look like I could fit in there. Really? I get a little more brown, a little more tan. They'll be like, oh, he's one of us. You've got to get tits, though. And an ass.

Yeah. Yeah. You're never going to do it. Yeah, we'll figure out. They'll be like, oh, he's one of us. You got to get tits, though. And an ass. Yeah, yeah. You're never going to do it. Yeah, we'll figure out. Either way, I met Miami Improv. And then after that, I met the DC Improv. Get tickets. Oh, fun spots. Yep.

Where were you going with this, though? Where I was going with this is before we get into Rip My Drip, dude, I want to say joke my smoke. I was looking on the internet the other day, and Brandon Showers came up with your boy fucking Elon Muscadine right there. And both of them, somebody put a side-by-side of you guys smoking that fucking happy

The Devil's Lettuce. Smoking that happy grass with Mr. Joseph Rogan. And his weed just don't come from your local distributor. I don't know where he gets it, but it comes out. It's gold and it's shiny. Joey Diaz fucking probably grows that shit somewhere. Joey Diaz might smuggle in his ass.

Tremendous. Tremendous cocksucker. I don't know how he does it, but that weed is so strong. Yeah, well, first of all, it's hella strong when you smoke it like Salvador Dali. Yeah, bro. I'm smoking it like a gentleman, like this, bro. Look. Bro, you are smoking it.

Puff, puff, give. Puff, puff, give to my friends. Puff, puff, give yourself a fucking smoke in that roach. Smoke in that roach. I'm going to call arrows, son. About to exterminate your ass. You look, bro, first of all, can you not look

like a side piece for MS-13? That's what you look like in this, bro. You look like the dude that MS-13 pays to bang out around the holidays, bro. You look like that little Halloween fuck monkey. That's what you look like, dude. Bro, and you have the same facial hair

as fucking Salvador Dali, dog. Dude, that's me smoking a joint. Looking like an MS-13 side piece. Dude, why are you... Bro, you look like a Patrick Swayze Halloween costume. Whatever. Whatever, dude. Look how you smoke weed, bro.

Did you even get... Or did you get diarrhea? Dude, I inhaled that, bro. Elon didn't. Really? Elon was too scared. Oh, Elon's full of shit. He wants to keep all his brain cells, so I approve that.

Not me. Dude, Elon's just a dirty, he's a dirty Ford dealer, bro. That's what I think, dude. He's just selling these fucking little Air Fords. That's what I think. He's selling those iPads with wheels. Yeah, we're going to put you in a tunnel. Give us a fuck, bro.

Oh, you mean a subway, bro? I know. You think selling those iPads with wheels. Yeah, we're going to put you in a tunnel. Give us a fuck, bro. Oh, you mean a subway, bro? I know. You think you're brilliant because you invented a subway? Go to New York. Yeah. Oh, look at this. It's flying through the air. Yeah, it's a fucking plane.

You fucking maniac. God. Let's move on, man. But yeah, bro, you got to learn how to smoke, man. No, like. You need to call Teddy Rupskins and have him. Oh, no, they call that the Teddy. That's not right now.

That's the Teddy Rupskin fucking tendency there. That's that. And then look, I hand it to you like that. I know. They look fucking wet, bro. You can't even be around weed or drinks. All you just start itching and sweating. Yeah.

Your mouth gets real dry and purple. You can blow it on my face, bro. I just want to tell my sponsor. Here's what I'm saying, dude. If you've ever seen yourself smoke weed, bro, you'll learn a lot about yourself. And you smoke it like you're at a... Like it's a fine wine. Oh, yeah. Like you're at a nice place, dude. Like you're

at a damn fucking double tree or something. You know, you got to get your life together, man. Look at that. You smoke it like you're waiting for people to come downstairs and talk to you about something. Yeah, like we're just going to read a bunch of books. And then look at Elon Musk all confident, growing that thing up. Little does he know he lost his job doing that. And little do you know, actually.

I got promoted. I got promoted. Showtime gave me a promotion after they saw that. It's fantastic. That's between me and Elon. But that's called Joke My Smoke. And so if you have a buddy who's smoking dope and he does it a really weird way. By an awesome way.

Do it like me. Do it the Teddy Ruff skin, bro. Because you can pass it to your friends easier. That's why I do that. Oh, then here. Try it like this. Look at this. No, what the fuck is this?

You're an asshole. No, that's the way you do it, bro. No, you don't, bro. Non-Venice Beach. Really? Oh, that's... It just seems weird, man. All right, let's move on.

Yeah, but anyway, if you have one, if you got a friend who's smoking, he don't know how to smoke it right, or he smokes it wrong, or he does something different. Or if he smokes it like me, send that shit in. Yeah, send it in to that Joke My Smoke, man, and we'll rip him up for you. Gang, bro. Let's get into some Rip My Drips. Alright, first one for Rip My

Drip is Chloe Ellie. Well, goddamn, Chloe! I mean, is there some background on this? Where are we at with this? Her name's Chloe from Dallas, Texas. She is that little hot tamale, the candy hot tamale. A little redhead, bro. This looks more like rape my drape, bro.

It sounds like you cannot, if you walk around dressed like this with your legs open, that's not safe. No, that's a cat call in the trailer park. Yeah, this is more like smash my patch, I feel like. This is not going to end well. No, this is not going to end well. This is how you get kidnapped. This is exactly a kidnap in some parts of America. Yeah.

How old is she? Did we clarify that she's over 18? Oh, this is how you go hitchhiking in Jamaica right here. This is a Jamaican hitchhiker, dude, when you just open your legs up like that. That's really. You do that shit in the wrong part of town. You're about to get DP'd by a couple friends. Really?

By a couple of ruxpins, huh? A couple ruxpins are going to fit both their things in you. Dude, it looks like, yeah, she might meet some of Jesse Smollett's boys out there. Jesse Smollett's boys are going to see those camo pants from a mile away. Dude. Use that noose. That's that cramoflage, bro. She's trying to get crammed up.

That's at Trailer Park. But also, she seems like somebody who just, you know, she obviously does yoga, and she. Oh, that's Trailer Park yoga. Oh, dude, I've seen this. Yeah, she does Trailer Park yoga. Does she really? You go to the middle of the Trailer Park, and you just fucking stretch. That's Chloe Ellie, huh?

Wow. She looks nice, though. She looks like? You go to the middle of the trailer park and you just fucking stretch. That's Chloe Ellie, huh? Wow. She looks nice, though. She looks like a fun time. I should say that. She looks like a fun time. I'll tell you this. If there was like 70 people hitchhiking with their thumbs out and she used this method. I'm picking her up.

I'm picking her up. I'm going to open up that door and have a rock hard boner. Dude, you could actually just have your boner open the door, I bet. And she's game. Probably just flies in. Yeah, she obviously does a lot of pretty eyes, too. Oh, come on. Don't be that

guy, dude. I thought we were trying to be positive here. Yeah, we are. But it's a little late. Oh, there we go. Oh, wow. She does have nice eyes, dude. No, no, no. Don't jump into the nice eye train now. Oh, there we go. Oh, wow. She does have nice eyes, dude. No, no, no, no. Don't jump into the nice eye train now. Oh, and she has that. And what did she want?

Did she want rip my drip? Rip my drip. What did she want? She just wants to be. Yeah, look at the sun shining on her camo. Yoggers. You know what, dude? I can't fake it, man.

I can't say that she's trying. Like, if somebody's holding their crotch wide open like this, there's something, you know. Don't come out with a Me Too movement if you're going to take pictures like this. Yeah, dude. If you're throwing meat, too. You know what I'm saying? She's dropping, you know, she's showing that fucking ham salad out here. Betty Blue Balls over here.

Yeah. I mean, definitely. And where is she? She's sitting on a dirty street. That's a trailer park, bro. That ain't a trailer park. Yeah, it is. Those kind of palm fronds and benches.

You know what? She might be at the farmer's market trying to get the last tangerine. Bro. The last few strawberries. I feel like I'm about to play, what's that game? This game? You Born? No.

Oh, Badman? No. Tennis? No. to play uh what's that game this game you born no oh uh badman no tennis no uh table tennis ping pong yeah bro yeah who plays fucking i mean where did you learn to play did you play ping pong with chopsticks low ceilings we had very low ceilings. Okay. Like four foot. Actually, it was Stockholm syndrome is what I had. But I'll say this though, if you're going to wear these type of pants, you got to camouflage better if you're trying to not act like you're showing your cross to people. I agree. Because this is, you know what I'm saying? This is, they call that, they definitely call this, that's that bunny ranch hitchhiker, what she's doing right now. And this is a good way to get picked up in Vegas, dude. This is how you hitchhike in Vegas. It's a good way to hitchhike in Vegas this is a good way to get picked up in Vegas. This is how you hitchhike in Vegas. It's a good way to hitchhike

in Vegas. It's also a good way to get paid by them truckers. You could easily turn out and be a lot lizard. She might be a lot lizard. Yeah, she might be. A trailer park rat. Oh, and I'd be damn Jake the Snake Roberts. Boy, call me a pet store owner, son. Yes, sir. She seems like a very nice lady. She seems educated. You can tell she has

a nice jacket. Looks like she maybe wore that jacket to school. Has a friendly face. Friendly face? Maybe a body double of the Game of Thrones queen. She seems educated. You can tell she has a nice jacket. Looks like she maybe wore that jacket to school. Has a friendly face. Friendly face. Maybe a body double of the Game of Thrones queen. She seems like Laura Croft, womb raider. Laura Crotch. Yeah, Laura Crotch, womb raider. Let's move on.

Yeah, let's move on. Shout out to that pretty young lady. What's up, Chloe? And I hope she's okay wherever she is. I hope she's still alive. I hope she's getting paid for whatever she's doing right now. Oh, damn. Isn't this damn?

And this is the kind of baby that happens when you have those pants on and you have a child. Dude, Mr. Swaggy Swaggy Tropical Style. He looks like a tropical fucking snow cone. Yeah, this dude seems like Weekend at Bernie Madoff's, bro, if Bernie Madoff was a gay fella selling highlighters. This guy seemed like a good guy. Where's he from? It doesn't say where he's from. He looks like you let my three-year-old draw his outfit.

Yeah, that's true. Bro, he looks like a smurf at a rave, bro. You know what I'm saying, bro? He looks like a smurf on ecstasy. Yeah. He looks like a nice guy. I'm not... The yellow kicks.

He's Polynesian. I can't tell. Is he Polynesian? Yes, very much so. Look at the... He's Polynesian. I can't tell. Is he Polynesian? Yes, very much so. Look at the... He has the peace sign. You can't tell. He has a tattoo.

What's the license plate behind him, Chin? Zoom in on that license plate. I watch way too much First 48. Is that New Zealand? That's Australia or New Zealand. Is it? Wow. Yeah, right.

He's from New South Wales, brother. So you can dress like that out there, bro. Oh, you can wear whatever you want out there. You don't even have to wear clothes. Well, also... So the fact that he decided to do this, we should approve. And they got very dangerous animals out there. If you ever seen.

Bro. Nine out of ten people you know from Australia have been bit by something. That's how they circumcise their kids. Oh, dude. How can I get on that dick? Just put a little flavoring on that fucking wiener meat. And then a tiger will just come snack it off, boy. You know?

That guy looks like he's having a grand old time, though. Oh, he seems like a nice guy. Looks like he's about to jump on his... Is that a Harley? What is that? The bumper? Is that a motorcycle? That might be a G-Wagon.

It's like a truck or something. It's a wheelchair, first of all. It's a G-Wagon. Oh, he jumped out of the wheelchair? Yeah, dude. It's Australia. You can do whatever you want. Bro, being handicapped in Australia

is so much easier than being handicapped in the U.S. Is that how the bouncers look at the clubs there? maybe if the club is Staples this dude seems like he's trying to keep people the club's Hobby Lobby shout out to this dude though what else we got? what's his name? Navarone

he's a native non-American he lives in another country native Australia he's an aboriginal and if he's a Native American. He's a Native non-American. He lives in another country. Native Australian. Native Zealand. He's an Aboriginal. And if he's an Aboriginal man, they wear all kind of stuff. Yeah, that's approved out there. You'll see an Aboriginal wearing a hat made out of their grandfather.

They do all kind of wild shit like that. His name's Navrone Davis. And this next one is Brennan, a.k.a. B Thug. And it was submitted by his cousin, Danielle. Fuck yeah, B Thug. Goddamn, B Thug. Oh, what do we got here? He's fresh off the lot.

Fresh off the yard. Oh. Fresh off the yard. He looks like the missing member of Big Pun and the Terror Squad. Yeah, he looks like Fat Joe's priest. He looks like Fat Joe's driver. He looks like a lifeguard at a baptism in rural Georgia. He definitely have a unique style going on.

Be Thug, my dog, son. Be Thuggy. And you know I got your back, dog. And when you go in, I'm fucking holding it down for you, son. By holding it down, you mean holding his girl down? No. I'm going to be nice to his lady. I'm going to drop off.

Maybe take her out. Oh, get her nails done and that's it, son. I'll stop at the nails. Brought a rest to the body. That's up to her and the Lord, son. I'm going to take your kids for a ride. Take them to the Chuck E. Cheese's, you know, do different things for them while you in there. Until he gets out, huh? You're a good dude, man. Well, I'm being good to this dude. Have you seen B Thug, bro? I see B Thug. I see his busted Air Force Ones. Each one of his pant legs is a 36. Okay?

It's just two different people's jeans sewn together. Definitely, man. He looks like... Damn, I've heard of boot cut, but I've never seen fucking world cut. Those are fucking... He looks like Mark Twizane, bro. If you look at his outfit, he's really... He looks like he ate Mark Twizane. What do you mean, Mark?

Yeah, dude. If you look at his outfit, he's really easy. Looks like he ate Mark Twain. What do you mean, Mark? Yeah, dude. He definitely. I better in prison call him full rack of ribs. Oh, yeah. He seemed like. And is he tall or not? Can we see how tall he is, Chen? He looks pretty tall.

No, I don't think so. Because his girl's short, too. Oh, the girl's actually really tall, too, then. His girl's short. He's short. His girl looks like that Brooke Hogan. She's got that sugary Brooke Hogan look. I think that might be his cousin, Danielle, that submitted the photo.

That ain't a cousin, bro. She don't look like Brooke Hogan right here. If that's a cousin, dude, then they're going to have something to explain to the children soon. You know what I'm saying? Can you zoom in on her chin? That's the cousin. The family tree got some rope swing on it. You know what I'm saying, bro?

Somebody's playing in the branches, daddy. Someone's playing hopscotch in that family tree. And both of them got a real kind of tit on it. You know what I'm saying, bro? Somebody's playing in the branches, daddy. Someone's playing hopscotch in that family tree. And both of them got a real kind of tit on them. Yeah, they both got some tit. Yeah, they do titties. Yeah, B-Thug looks a little bit like Terrence Howard. If Terrence Howard was kind of like a thicker white guy

who might be Latino. He looks more like fucking Lindsay Lohan. I mean... He looks like the kind of dude that they put a low jack on when he leaves jail. What's that thing? Oh, house arrest bracelet. He just constantly has that bracelet on? I bet he has four of them on, dude.

He wears them like bracelets? He's got the whole set. But I bet they put low jack on him when he leaves. But rest in peace, man. That's all I gotta say. He's not dead, bro. He's still thriving. He's in a graveyard. Have you seen the behind the... You know, I think I have seen this first 48. I've seen how this ends.

What else we got? All right, King it or Sting it. Oh, B-Thug, I King him, bro. Shout out to B-Thug. Jeez. Shout out to that TJ Maxx dress style. Yeah, dude. Scarra Squad, man.

I love that, though. I love what he's got going on there. He has that kind of... He almost has that kind of cult vibe. Yeah, it. Scarra Squad, man. I love that, though. I love what he's got going on there. He has that kind of He almost has that kind of cult vibe. Yeah, it's kind of like loosey-goosey. Yeah, like Ku Klux Catholicism going on, you know? And I respect. I like what he's got

going on there. He's first team all-yard. Gang, gang, bro. Yeah, he seemed like the Tony Gwynn of the fucking of the yard. Yeah. He's got that Cecil Fielder, kind of goes to jail, but gets his act together sort of look. White guy.

That Lenny Dykstra. Yeah. Yeah. Lenny Dykstra. I can't even... Dude, you are so fucking dyslexic, I can't even impersonate it. That's the fucking great thing.

Why? Lenny Dykstra. How do you say it again? Nah. Lenny Dykstra. Yeah, that's awesome. How do you say it? I say it like he says it. Lenny Dykstra. That's awesome. I say it like he says it.

Lenny Dykstra. What else you got, Jen? All right. Can you say it? I say it like he says it. This doesn't make it right, bro. I shouldn't be making fun of diseases either. Yeah, it's all good, man.

I'm sorry. I have a different stuff, and I'm fucked up. Nah, you beat Down syndrome. Well, barely, though. And they said it's coming back. But you did it. That's the thing. You did it. But it flares. Sometimes it'll flare up. Like when I look at you in the sun, I'm like, oh, fuck, barely, though. And they said it's coming back. But you did it. That's the thing. You did it.

But it flares. Sometimes it'll flare up. Like, when I look at you in the sun, I'm like, oh, fuck, here we go. You know? What do you got here? J-Rod. Can you see? It's J-Rod from the year 2424.

Can you understand? Sex robots. I am fucked by 346. Let me suck that dick. There you go. I love that. I love that guy, dude. J-Rod, dude.

Shout out to J-Rod. J-Rod, obviously using all of the equipment at San Quentin State Penitentiary to make a cool video. I appreciate it. And I respect that 100%, man. You're my real deal. And this is a great question. Sex robots, King'em or Sting'em, Brendan? I'm going to go ahead and King'em because to get good at anything, you got to practice.

It says 10,000 hours to get good at something. Think if you were a kid. Think if you're nine and you just got that sex robot in your basement. Instead of jacking off into socks and cushions and fucking stuffed toys, you got this real woman. You're just pound-tounding it. Learning, learning,

making mistakes, but learning, learning. Just triple crowning up there, dude. By the time you're 18, you're fucking Mandingo. You're fucking the Wayne Gretzky of dicking bitches down. Oh, dude, you just. It's an educational tool. Yeah.

You're freaking just John Stockton, just dick, just assisted bitches. Dropping dimes. Yeah. And by dimes, I mean loads and girls. Just like behind the back. Swerving loads. Yeah. Imagine being able to come behind your own back.

And that's the kind of stuff. Like the Matrix. Yeah. Yeah, that's the kind of stuff you can expect out of having these sex robots, you know. But I'm going to say sting it, because here's my thing with sex robots. You're a hater. Well, first of all, sometime

you go on vacation, you leave the batteries in there, the batteries leak out. You got acid leaking out the back of your stick. Then you got a dirty sex robot. I didn't think about that. You got to take that bitch into the shop, you know, or that man bitch. And also, how about this? They're going to that bitch into the shop, you know, or that man bitch. And also, how about this? They're going to want to,

robots, dude, they're going to want, yeah, it's sex for like the first couple months, then they're going to want to cuddle. Then they're going to want to drive your car.

They're going to want to borrow your wallet. What? Click off. You don't think they're going to learn, if they're learning how to fucking do all of these downward Daniels and all of these different positions,

they're going to know how to fucking keep their own switch on. You don't think a lot of fuckingers are gonna reach back there and fix their own switch? You think? Yeah, dude, if they can give a handjob, they can fucking flick a switch, daddy. Ah, dude, I didn't think of it. You're talking about

Terminator, but they're fucking us. Yeah, well, they're fucking us for like a week, and then they're stealing our cars, dude. Buying shit with our credit cards. Imagine that. Stealing our friends. Fucking each other. And we just have to watch.

It's the Terminator. It's exactly the Terminator. I'm still into it because I think it would be a learning tool. I like to think the best of robots. I think the glass is half full. I think if you have a robot, you can dump in their mouth. Then when you're 18, you'll be all good. I bet rape goes down.

I bet everything goes down. Because you can take it out on, then when you're 18, you'll be all good. I bet rape goes down. I bet everything goes down. Because you can take it out on the robot. Those things are powerful. You can hate fuck a robot. Every Friday night, instead of playing video games, you and your friend could run a train on a new sex robot. Think about the possibilities, dude. That's just you and your buddy being gay, but not wanting to admit it, really.

I think y'all are just fucking a machine. If there's a sex robot there? Why you got to call him machine, bro? Her name's Tiffany. My bad. If you got that Tiffany 3000, you know? Yeah. But what if you got that Donna 200 and it's a little fucking edgy, it's kind of sharp in there. And she's older.

And she talks back. Yeah. Smells like wine. She has recipes. She rattles off. Talk shit to. That's it. That's it. And what if you just get a refurb of one who was like like, yeah, like maybe it's a robot that used to work at, be like a, you know, a mannequin at like the container store. But now they refurbed it and got it doing sex, you know, and it's just like, oh. It's real stiff and shitty. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh. Give it. Give it. Oh. Yeah. Right there. Who wants, who wants, we got a sale on containers. No, it's like the. Oh, yeah. Right there. Who wants? Who wants? We've got a sale on containers.

No, it's like the navigation on your iPhone. You can change the language. A gallon. A gallon. Fill it. Fill it. Fill it. Sale in the stool section.

You're like, what the fuck is going on here? Well, you're going to have some hiccups. We could also hopefully download Debbie from the Bronx. She's just ghetto as fuck. Oh, fuck. Yeah, let's hit that shit. That's what I want. How about a Chinese one?

Oh, yes, fuck it. Fuck it. Your mom's going to get pissed. What in the hell is going on? Turn it down. Turn Donna down. Fuck. Oh, fuck it. Oh, give it!

Oh, bust all over my face! Oh, bust in this jar so I can use for cooking! Oh, boss, I need icing for Cinnabon! Oh, damn. That's crazy, bro. Dude, you can select any language, though, bro. You're disgusting. Look, J-Rod, it

definitely seems you need a sex robot, though, based on this guy. This dude has all the sex robots. Bro, this guy, first of all, dresses just like you in every episode. Do you notice that? Yeah, I love him. He's my brother. He's your sex robot. He's my brother. Yeah.

He is a robot. Yeah. Definitely big king. Kids can learn from it and you can decide what language to go with and just bust nuts and not hurt anybody. King it. Okay, and I'm going to go sting it because I think that the sex robots, it starts off with sex and ends up with other stuff. Pay my car insurance robot. Move out of the house robot.

Yeah, it starts with sex, but it just devolves into some really – You're talking about the plot of The Terminator. Yeah. Thanks, bro. Come up with your original ideas. That's The Terminator. Thanks, bro. Come up with your original ideas. That's The Terminator. Yeah, I am. I'm talking about the plot of The Terminator is becoming your life.

Art imitates life, brother. I'm out. What else do we got? What'd they say? What'd the listeners say? Oh, this is just for King and Sting. So debate club. That'd be debate club, huh?

Okay. All right. The next one is Dave. He just goes by Dave. What's up, Brendan? Oh, he's wet. What's up, Theo? Gang, gang next one is Dave. He just goes by Dave. What's up, Brendan? What's up, Theo? Gang, gang. Gang, gang.

Got a question for you guys. Baths for males. King it or sting it? Oh, that bro dip. He doing that man soak. Now, hold on. Can we watch him again? Is he in the tub at the moment?

He's in the tub, bro. That's why he's wet. He's in the tub. He's doing that ramen noodle. Well, he also, and thank you for sending this in, Dave. Yeah, and also, I'm sure it wasn't easy to film this while you're in the tub. Yeah, especially when you're on ice. You have the most intense tattoo I've ever seen, but that's fine.

Especially when you're on ice and one of your organs has recently been cut out by some people in Mexico. I'm sure it was very hard to make this video. You've got to pay the bills, bro. You've got to pay the bills. They give you two spleens, bro. One is for a down payment on the house. Dude, you woke up in a nightmare. He's making a dream. And here he is now. I like that.

It's a good point. And here he is now. There it goes. What makes us strong... I can't read the rest of that, too. I thought it was gonna be a catchy saying. Now it looks like a bad idea. If this guy's brave enough to send in a video of him taking a bath, he's obviously basically like a low-key, local Liam Neeson type of guy.

I'm not fucking with this dude. Yeah. But I will answer. Sorry. I will answer his question. What do you think, Brendan? Male baths. Dude, baths in general, unless you're a fucking toddler, big sting it.

I fucking hate baths. First of all, you jump in the bath, you get all that dick cheese and the nut juice and your taint juice just floating in the water, and then you're just sitting in it like a swamp. That's brackish. Like you're a gator, bro. That's brackish, baby. It's that, like you make it a human chili.

It's disgusting. I'm out. Yeah. Showers all day. I could have, Brennan, you don't seem like the man that's okay with being alone by himself for a little bit. Yeah, you'd be all right. You gotta do something. You gotta dig into my psyche now. You know what, bro? Yeah, what?

What's up, man? Yeah, I don't like baths. Dude, I couldn't imagine you just laying there all peaceful in a bath. What would you even do? Jack off. What a sick guy. What a sick guy. Why don't you light a candle, dude, and think about your ancestors? And quit thinking about yourself, you freaking nutcase.

You're right, dude. You're right, Dio. You goon. Here's what I'm going to say to you, Dave. You take a bath? Yeah, I'll take a bath every now and then, bro. I'll throw a little fish oil in there and fucking just get all tilapia in there. And I know what Big Dave is talking about, relaxing, taking the edge off, dude.

Being a natural man, getting that bro dip, you know? Getting that fucking hermano con soca, you know? How do you say soca in Spanish, Kat, do you know? Well, she's not Spanish, but thank you for asking. Well, who gives a fuck, dude? Somebody is. I'll tell you this, man. I'm okay with the bro dips.

I think it's a good thing men need to start. You got to spend time to strategize. You can't just be going constantly. Get a steam room, ho. Yeah, not everybody has a steam room, brother. And a bath you can take anywhere. You could dig a hole in a yard and put some hose water in it and get in there for a little bit if you have to and relax.

You could. And so I'll, you know, I like that. Like in the mud? Huh? Like a mud bath? It's only mud at the end. At the beginning, it's just pure water. Yeah, you're a mud dog. You know, I'll get in there. You're a mud dog. I'll meet a fucking crawfish. You're a mud skipper. You're a mud skipper. You ever seen the mud skipper fish? Yeah, that's what you are, Rome. You're a mud skipper I'll meet a fucking crawfish. You're a mud skipper. You're a mud skipper. You ever seen the mud skipper fish? Yeah, that's what you are, bro. You're a mud skipper.

It's a skimmer. No, mud skipper. Is it a real fish? Hell yeah, it's a fish. Never seen it on a menu. Bring it up. Never seen it on a menu. You'd be surprised, man. They're cute. Mud skipper. Look at them, bro. They look like tadpoles, but with red eyes.

Look at them hoes. You guys look exactly the same. Your guys' eyes are just as far apart, bro. They look like tadpoles but with red eyes. Look at them hoes. You guys look exactly the same. Your guys' eyes are just as far apart, Dale. They actually look like it. Can you get a frontal view of it or they'll only do side photos? They don't like their pictures taken straight on. Oh, wow. That's a very unique fish. Can you eat that?

Does it say it's grilled? Do they grill it? No, you don't want to deep fry it in mud skipper. There we go right there, bro. There's somebodyipper. There we go, right there, bro. There's somebody catching to hit a skeet right there, bro. That's something about Mary, but you know, put it in my mouth

instead of my hair, you know, that's that old-fashioned style right there. Beautiful animal right there, the mud skipper. I thought you would like that. But I'm going to say, for the bath, man, you stay in there and you stay safe, dude. And look, this could have been a cry for help video. Can we read between the lines on this? Because to me, it definitely reeks of having somebody whose one of their spleens has been cut out.

He might be in Europe. Yeah. Yeah, some sort of shady Amsterdam business being had there. Yeah, he might be hanging out with Teddy Rupskins. Yeah, sir. I'm going to say King and Man, good luck out there. I'm going to say sting the fuck out of it. No human brisket. But I'm going to say get to the

what's it called in another country where they have a place where it's like America, but just a little bitty building? Yeah, get to the embassy, brother. Next one. Alright, let's bring up one more. What do we have here? We have Michael McCrea. What's up, boys? Rat King, B-Sting.

Buzz, buzz. Chinderella and Premature Nick. Yeah. Coming at you with a King of the Sting. Chinderella. Condoms. What do y'all think? Get that hitter.

Get that hitter, baby. Condoms, baby. You ain't talking about that, uh, them little, um. That rap for your dick is what he's talking about, Theo. Yeah. Condoms for pussies. That Vietnamese suit. And I bought a suit in Vietnam

made out of plastic. Was it nice? Was it tailored? It was tailored. And it was plastic as well. So it was hit or miss, dude. It was like, if you were like at a funeral

like that was just downwind from a car wash, it was fucking plastic. It was good. You'd make a kite out of it afterwards. But outside of that, it was, you know,

it was a better look, better seen than worn. It probably looked better in the store than the actual human. His question was condoms. Man, I feel like you've got to roll the dice. If the big man upstairs wants you to get some dots on your dick or a drip on the front or some kids, then that's what he wants for you. It's life lessons.

You want a couple rings around your dick. If you don't have STD, you can't be my friend. Like having a little drip, drip, and then coming back from that adversity and learning, all right, I don't fuck with those hoes anymore. I'm going to go this direction. Fellas. But don't just start wearing fucking bumpers like you're bowling on your dick. Like play the lane.

Take the bumpers off. Bless some loads. Get some dots. Yeah. Get, play the lane. Take the bumpers off. Bless some loads. Get some dots. Yeah. Get the drip. Yeah, earn a dimple, bro. Yeah, bro. You know?

Get some scars. Like, my dick looks like a great white nose. Yeah. Like, it's fucking battered, bro. Wow. Yeah, because I've been through the ringer. I like that, man. Yeah, you got to get out there.

Fuck hard, bro. Get a dimple in your dick. You know what I'm saying? Do something special. Fuck near a fire and see, you know, see what the, you know, get out there. Fuck hard, bro. Get a dimple in your dick. You know what I'm saying? Do something special. Fuck near a fire and see if the devil's looking for you. Because there's different opportunities out there waiting for you. I see you got on that New England Patriots garb. Congratulations to your team.

And I'll be in Boston at the Chevalier Theater on February 6th. Theo hates the Patriots, though. But I will say this, dude. I look like Tom Brady in Shrek had a son. But I will also say this. That condoms when were condoms invented? Probably 1987?

I'm not using anything from the 80s still. Am I still running around with a toaster that just barely works? You got a trapper keeper? Yeah. No. I don't have any of that shit. I don't use stuff from the 1970s or 80s. I would rather, if the Lord wants us to have a child or wants one of us to get a little bit of,

I'm not getting AIDS, but I'll take an AI. You feel me? Word. And I'm letting the Lord work. So that's what I'm saying. Condoms, dude, from the past, bro. You know what I'm saying? I use this, Daddy Hope.

You know what I'm saying? Fingers crossed. Yeah. Pinky swear. Oh, you're on birth control? Pinky swear. Yeah, pinky swear, dude. You're clean.

Pinky swear. Pinky swear goes a long fucking ways, man. Yeah. A long ways. A long ways. For me, it's everything. Yeah. And also, sometimes just use your pinky

and then just wait around. And someone come along and suck it. You know, if it seems like it's not aging well just you know swear you won't go in there with your full body mix it up maybe do this oh god this no fingering somebody is fucking perverse dude it's either swear to me sex or don't get involved i think i agree but here's what i'm saying you're gonna play the game where you're not it's like you with using comms like playing basketball, not keeping score. Like, what are we doing? Why are we doing this? There's going to be a winner or a loser. Let's both win. Let's bust nuts.

It's dude, it's just like, you know, they used to say, they had this kid in my class, dude, this boy Damien, and his dad always wore a bike helmet, you know. And if I see somebody in a bike helmet, bro, fuck them. Because here's what I'm saying. I would rather my father been hit by a car and in a coma than my father been hit by a car and okay, but everybody know he wore a bike helmet. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

Makes sense, bro. Yeah, your dad's going by in a bike helmet, bro, then you're going to end up smoking crack and doing drugs. So I say condoms, man. Would Tom Brady wear a condom? Doubt it, son. Does Edelman wear them? Fuck no, he doesn't.

Hell no. Gang, bro. Does R. Kelly? Sting it. Nope. Jesus. Jesus. What else we got?

All right, this one is relationship advice. Oh, yes. It's girls that submitted this time. Oh, it's a lady. Whoa, oh, oh, it's a lady. Oh, some DS Ellies. Bam. The man that I'm with right now.

Does he have you hostage? Why are you whispering? He doesn't make any noise in the bedroom. Like, literally. Not even when he comes. Oh, he's one of those corp fucks. It's an emphy corp fucks. No, that's not. It's an emphysema, baby.

It's that silent killer. No, he's that deaf fuck. Is it something that they're in so much habit of, there's no way to break out of it? And she looks like a real tomcat we get him to you know They do something like something. Well, she got that nose ring right there. Maybe you got that little Moana going for me Look at Moana. I know what you're saying girl. She got that nose ring Let me say this won't you put a little sign on your nose so speak up? Maybe maybe he'll see that maybe and I don't know if they talk how well they've been together, maybe he's deaf, so he doesn't know what's going on.

He might be raping him, and he has no idea. Oh, yeah. It's not a good time for him. Yeah, maybe hook a little, or put a little bell on your nose ring, and you'll hear that rattle. At least you'll get that Christmas spirit in the room while y'all are doing sex. But also, what kind of dude is he outside the sheets? You want a freak in the bedroom and a normal dude on the streets. Is he outgoing?

Is he talking on the streets? You know? Because that's what you signed up for. Is he a chatty Cathy? Then you get into that bedroom and you expect him to be. And he's turned into a deaf Jeff. Yeah, deaf Jeff. And that's your fault.

Get a guy who's outgoing outside the room and inside. There's both. Get you one that can do both. Yeah, I mean, who are you looking for? Are you looking for an orator? Are you looking for somebody who's fucking? Are you looking for Frederick Douglass? Are you looking for fucking Fredrick Douglass?

You're looking for Fred Durst. You want cock or you want chatter? Sometimes you can't have it all. That's the problem with porno. Porno, they expect everyone to be goddamn Dirk Diggler. The guy's just trying to get his nut off and please his girl. She's looking for a play-by-play of everything that he's doing. He's not Troy Aikman.

You think I'm Joe Buck or Joe Fuck, you know what I'm saying? This ain't no play-by-play, darling. She wants the Joe Rogan of the fuck game. The dude just wants to chill and bust nuts, girl. Yeah, listen to a book on tape. Get you some of them AirPods and listen to whoever, you know what I'm saying? Listen to the King and Sting while you get pounded. If you don't like what he's putting out, I'm sure we're funnier than he is.

Yeah. Maybe. And look, and here's the thing. He sounds like a nice guy. He's that quiet killer. Does he or does he not sound at all? That's true. He's like emphysema. I mean, emphysema makes no noise and kills millions every year. It's that quiet killer. Does he or does he not sound at all? That's true. He's like emphysema.

I mean, emphysema makes no noise and kills millions every year. It's that quiet killer. You're right, bro. I'm glad you brought that up. And here's another thing about the man. The man, I'll tell you this, dude. I don't make any sounds during sex, man. What am I gonna say? I'm already fucking. Let me chill out. I get pretty dirty. Do you?

Yeah, I'll do a whole nail. Like what up? Move that gravel. I'll pretty dirty. Do you? Yeah, I'll do a whole nail. Like what? Move that gravel? I'll also grunt my teeth, bro. Like I'm Peter North. Who's Peter North, the traveler? Don't tell your therapist that I brought up Peter North. I don't want to get you suspended. Yeah, I know.

Look up Peter North. Like Magellan? Whenever you get on the airplane and they can't track your movement, look up Peter North. Oh, really? Yeah. to get you suspended. Yeah, I know. Look up Peter North. Like Magellan? Is that like... Whenever you get on the airplane and they can't track your movement, look up Peter North. Oh, really? Yeah, he has a huge... Oh, is that him with his mouth open?

No, that's that... Oh, he... That's all I'll show you? You want me to show you your actual picture? Yeah, show him a picture. I hope he pops up. Don't tell your PO

I told you about this guy. Oh, wow. No, these are all... There's my guy. Oh, he's right here. Can I see how... He's busting out, his eyes went crazy. He's like,

you know? Dude, that's that cross-eyed bust. It seemed like he's probably, you know, spewing T-cells. It looks like he went deep for that serving. That's that bone marrow bust. Yeah, dude, he's gonna come in, he's gonna come up light on the soup if you test him for, he's getting

deep into his own clam chowder, brother. Dude, 23andMe right now. Oh, definitely, bro. Dude, but back to Moana. Your man, if he's quiet, he's just silent assassin. Is he laying the dick down right? Then who cares? And what is laying the dick down right?

I mean, nobody's really fucking that good anymore. Let's be honest. It's 2019. You're right, bro. You know, it's like you fuck for 10 or 11 minutes and then you gotta get back to the edge. 11 minutes?

Yeah. Fucking dick. You single, that's right. Thanks, dude. 11 minutes. Four minutes of fury, baby. Yeah, and look, here's the thing.

Is he quiet in general? You know, like, what is he like? What is he like outside of the bedroom? Take that into account. Because she seems like she's outgoing.

He might be a little mousy. Yeah, maybe you're the one who's the loud one. Maybe you got to speak up. Dude, exactly, deal. Who's fucking who? I feel like Moana's fucking the mousy guy. Yeah, do an impersonation of him. You ever thought about that?

Dressing up like him while y'all are fucking and you saying stuff instead? Or maybe you put a wig on him. Yeah, who gives a fuck is what I'm saying. You're weird, Moana, but you are a dime piece, and you deserve a guy to be loud. Yeah, you deserve a guy to be a banker. He's trying to cash that dime, you know, and I'll say this to you as well, young buckaroo, female. What I'm saying is this.

Buckarooski. That they have, yeah, what they have. Dude, I used to, like, you know, I get, during sex, I'm not even good at sex, I'll get nervous. I used to hold my breath while I was fucking faint halfway through it, bro. Completely black out. I bet you could hold your breath for a long time, though. About two, three minutes? Like, when you go through tunnels, can you hold your breath for a while?

Oh, I'll hold my breath through the tunnel. I'll go back, too. I'll get to the end. Everybody starts breathing. I'll fucking go back. Dude, you look like that guy. You do laps in the tunnel that can hold your breath. Oh, it takes very little oxygen to operate my brain.

Yeah. And I'll say this straight up, that a lot of solid men faint during sex because of the joy and the excitement. And so I'm like one of those goats on the internet. I get going and I hold my breath, and then I'm satisfied. I'll just visit the Lord for a brief visit and I'm back. So maybe that's the kind of man you have. Maybe value, you got this beautiful little fucking time capsule. This guy could be, who knows, maybe he's gonna end up in a coma, and this is practice. Or maybe he's reading a book in his head while he's fucking you.

You know, like he's busy doing work. Yeah, like he's multitasking. Maybe he's figuring out your taxes while he's throwing that dick down. The other question, I need some other details. Does he have a fat dick? What? Because if it's small and he's quiet, then we got problems. Bro, that's not information.

That's just you being a little bit homoerotic, brother. And I'll say this. This is a great time for us to go to an Audible ad. Maybe the guy's reading books in his head. He might be reading or listening to books. Oh, we don't have Audible this afternoon. We don't have Audible, but if we did, maybe he's listening to books on tape while throwing that dick at him. I say, look, be supportive whether he might be, you know, maybe he's having a little

mini strokes and you're not being there for him. Be supportive. I say sting it. Well, it's not King or Sting. It's relationship advice. Okay. Well, I'll say this. I need more facts before I throw him under the bus. But if you're looking for loud.

So her name is Jenny Dolma. And she had messages for both of you, too. She says she loves Theo and she thinks Brendan's a cutie. And she also included her Instagram. Do you guys want to see her Instagram? DM me, girl. Well. Good luck getting Brendan

into some sort of a date rape charge, probably. I'm joking. No, come on, bro. Brendan seemed like a great guy and you seem like a great girl, Danny. I didn't pass away. Seemed like a great guy. I'm right here, bro.

Yeah, sorry. Damn, I didn't pass away, man. Yeah, that's true. I didn't pass away. Seemed like a great guy. I'm right here, bro. Yeah, sorry. Damn, I didn't pass away, man. Yeah, that's true. I didn't tell you I'm from the future. Oh, that makes sense. Terminator. Yeah, I'm from seven months from now. Okay.

Oh, wow, I die. Okay, let's move on. All right, this is Kaylee Carson. Hi, guys. My name's Kaylee. Pittsburgh. I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over six months now. Oh, yeah.

And I have a male best friend of over ten years. My boyfriend tends to get pretty jealous of him. He changes the subject any time I mention him or gets a very salty attitude. Fuck yeah. Or just doesn't even respond at all. What would you do in that kind of situation? I'd tell you, go fuck Larry the accountant and leave me alone. Because I don't have any girls who are friends that, you know what I'm saying?

Like, I'm all set on friends. If I'm hanging out with a girl, there's a reason. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'd rather hang out with Theo and laugh. If there's a girl hanging around, it's not because she makes me laugh. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I get. I mean, look, yeah, I do know what you're saying.

That's your scenario. You can see why that guy is frustrated with it, though. Well, it sounds to me like the friend might be homosexual, and that's fine. Yeah, we're all going to be homosexual when we get older. But what I'm saying right now is this, is that this man, whoever this friendly man is, it sounds like, do you bring him up around your boyfriend just to kind of get a rise out of your boyfriend? I mean, what's your boyfriend supposed to do if he hears another man? It's nature inside of his amygdala to want to defend himself, you know, and want to keep you away from that man.

Here's the other thing. I got to know what the friend looks like. Is the friend better looking than your current man? Like, is he a dime piece and he's killing it? He's an Instagram model and he's fucking posting these pictures where he's shredded and he's just balling. He's in fucking Bentleys. Then your man's working at fucking Remax trying to sell houses

and he's all feeling sorry for himself. Then you show up always hanging out with homeboy. I need more details from these relationship advice. You got a Pittsburgh Penguin shirt on. Is your best friend Yermer Yager? You know what I'm saying?

I love how Brendan lives in a universe where there's no vowels. Yeah. Yeah, is your best friend Yermer Yager? You know what I'm saying? That is. Yeah, I love how Brendan lives in a universe where there's no vowels. Yeah. Yeah, is your best friend Yermer Yager? Here's what I'm saying to you. Pittsburgh, dude, yins, double yoy. I got a pink eye over there in a Monongahela once, and people know that. And I actually got one of my first blowjobs ever behind a giant eagle over there.

And here's what happened. Pittsburgh, only city that has all three of their sports teams have black and gold coloring. Only city. Black and yellow, but yeah. Yeah, and also. Steelers aren't gold, so there's that. Black and yellow, dude? It's black and yellow, black and yellow.

Like us? Yeah. Like us. Like us. Don't fucking touch me, Pittsburgh. Don't touch me. That hurts. Sorry, dude.

I didn't mean to call you that. Well, you did. And also, here's the thing. Yes, if you say, don't bring this man around that much. I wouldn't bring to call you that. Well, you did. And also, here's the thing. Yes, if you say, don't bring this man around that much. I wouldn't bring him up that much. But also, ask your boyfriend why is he getting upset. Because his girls hang out with this dude all the time. What, is he jealous?

No, it's just annoying as fuck. Get a girlfriend. Where's your girlfriend? And here's every girl with a bunch of friends who are dudes. I just don't get along with girls. They're so catty. I don't have time for it. So I'm just hanging with Dave, Rob, and Ryan.

They're going to dick me down. Yeah. It sounds like one of y'all is on Xanax or something. It sounds like we need more information. That's what I'm saying, dude. Coming around, bro. Is it? I guess I am.

We should be detectives, bro. We should be in True Detective HBO. What, dude? It would be True Detectives question mark, bro. We in True Detective HBO. What, dude? It would be True Detectives question mark, bro. We'd never find anything. Yeah, we would. Yeah, dude. We'd spend an hour looking for your keys.

We'd get to the bottom of it. Yeah, we would. That's true. What else you got, Chin? Fought my aunts. God. Where's your fine ass aunt, Chin? Yeah.

She bust out one picture. Honey gave us both blue balls and dipped out. Yeah, I'm sure. And what was her name? Kendra? Aunt Hannah. Yeah, how's she doing? She posted that one picture. Honey gave us both blue balls and dipped out. Yeah, I'm sure. And what was her name, Kendra? Aunt Hannah. Yeah, beautiful lady. Miss her. She was our debut.

She stole our virginity on Flop My Heart. Oh, she was hot, man. Let's look at a couple of these side pieces from the Far East. Send them in, Chin. All right, this is Aunt Marilyn submitted by James Daly. J.D. Oh, she's the leader of the Hell's Angels. Oh, she came through before, man.

She looks like Bobby the Brain Heenan if you went to summer camp. Remember, you know who that is? No. Let's bring up Bobby the Brain Heenan so I can show you

how grossly accurate I am. You didn't know I was about to knock. Bobby the Brain Heenan. Dude, if you go cross-eyed when you bust a nut, dude, I would stay cross-eyed And just keep telling my buddies

Yeah me too I'd stay like that Oh damn She does look like him Oh from the WWE Yeah That's Bobby the Brain Heenan She does look like

Bobby the Brain Oh no She also looks like She works at Fucking Pond Stars Oh she definitely does Dude

She looks like She works at Pond Stars Like she's selling Ponds that people have put up the leases to. Yeah, I got about 40 feet of water back there. She's like some goldfish. Look at her. Them koi fish.

Yeah, she definitely has like Hulk Hogan, like his little, like maybe a possibly mentally deficient sibling that he had. Like Holt Hogan. like some guy who could never get his life going. Holt Hogan? She looks like Holt Hogan? Why does she have leather pants on? Because she's fucking fine as fuck and she has bananas in the kitchen, bro. The kitchen looks definitely cozy and good snacks.

It does. It looks like she makes the meanest banana bread in Chicago. Look at those fucking, and those are old bananas back there. That's how you own, she has that fresh-ass Pepsi with thousands of grams of sugar. Look at those homemade macaroons in that little container, bro. Where? Right there on the counter.

I think those are sweet potatoes, bro. What are sweet potatoes? What? Yeah, her name's Sweet Potato Halsey. Are you from Poland? That's not a fucking thing, sweet potatoes on the counter. Dude, she looks like she just dropped a mixtape. Oh, yeah, she did, dude.

She definitely looks like she just dropped a purse full of pills, too, as well. And she's from Chicago. I see that Blackhawks hat, repping it all. Thanks for being there. I think she's a beautiful lady, man. Me, too. She looks like Steven Seagal's security. What else do we got? Nice woman, very kind. Yeah, shout out to Aunt Chicago.

The next one is Aunt Janet, submitted by Michael Hones. Bro, you know goddamn well whoever picked these, Theo can't be looking at this. His PO officer ain't going to have this. He's going to flag this fucking, now his dick's filling up. You guys know this is going to happen. That means I'll pop off, officer, and I'm about to pop off when I see these shorties like this. God, Doug, she's in Florida? It doesn't say Florida.

I'm pretty sure I saw Florida on the resume. I am headed down there. You're at Brewer County, Florida. You can smell Hulk Hogan in the background of these photos. I'll tell you that, bro. She got that Terry Bollea going down there. I can smell fucking whey protein from here. She is just full BSN up.

Oh, yeah. You could tell she's got that bone broth in her right now. Dude, she can get this bone marrow. She doesn't look like she misses a day of fucking squats or deadlifts. She also looks like she has about, what size waist does she have? Six inch around. And then that ass is a triple decker. Yeah, that seems scary to me a little bit, but she seems really,

she's working out a lot and she seemed like she also puts lotion on her skin. Yeah, she's shredded. There's a point where girls can get too shredded. Am I right, Theo? She's a shredded cheddar boy. She's that fucking Gruyere right there. She's lucky she has that ass or she'd have a little bit of that castaway

nutrition going on. Oh, yeah. She got them double Wilsons going on in her pants, brother. I'll say this. Is that flat earth? That flat earth, those pants that look intergalactic and there ain't no flat earth going on over here. Flat stomach. That's all booty. And a lot of brothers would track this lady down probably and follow her home. Flat stomach, round ass, baby. Yeah, she got the meaty cheeks, boy, right there. Dude, whoever's aunt that is, I would invite her for every holiday. That's Hormel, son. Including President's Day, come on over.

That's Hormel. I'll dip fucking crackers in that chili, you got me? God damn. Go and hit your buzzer just because I ain't mine. No, I love doing that. All right, next one is Aunt Mimiimi by submitted by lisa white oh wow oh damn she looks like she's going to uh the club she's going to yeah yeah she looks like she's going to club for the first time in 15 years and she's just trying to figure it out you know and there's nothing wrong with that there's nothing wrong with that she looks like

she's going to fucking graystones in la and she's like, all right, she just got broken up with and her friend's like, fuck him. Let's do it, girl. And then they're all at Greystones on a Friday night now. Yeah. And that's what's happening. You are very accurate on this one, man. Dude, thank you, Theo.

Very, very accurate, man. She does have that I'm giving it a second chance, I'm getting back out there vibe. You can do it, girl. Yeah, she's look like, man. She does have that I'm giving it a second chance, I'm getting back out there vibe. You can do it, girl. Yeah. She looked like, yeah. I mean, anything could happen on those nights. Too much alcohol, you know, fuck a bus boy, cry in the car.

End up in the hills and the guys who you thought were actors run a train on you. Yeah, dude, and they're not actors. That's an experience. They're not actors. They're Jussie Smollett stunt doubles, you know, operating that dark train, baby. You know, just slinging, just dripping bleach on your back. That Chicago drip. That Chicago drip drip.

It ain't bleach. It's cum, baby. Oh, my God. We knew it was, and you didn't have to say it. I'm sorry. Now, what about this? What's her name again, Chin? She seems like she's innocent.

She has a nice... Aunt Mimi? Aunt Mimi. Very cute. Mimi's either going out or she's going to Tony Roma's. It's that date night. It looks like a first date. It looks like something's going on here.

She's a little stiff, a little nervous, I can say. And she got them red hitters on, man. She got those... The devil sneakers. Yeah. And them things look like... Damn, them knees look like she's been through the rackets. Really?

No, she's a hard worker. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, she's a mom. She definitely seems like she probably has a couple of kids. You think? I could see a kid or two. I don't know. I don't see a kid.

Very pretty, though. Yeah, she's a pretty lady. Very pretty lady. And probably you could see that she's been doing her best. She probably drives an SUV. She almost got talked into buying a RAV4, but thank God she got talked out of it. Dude, thank fucking – don't fucking touch me, dude. She looks like she drives like a one-series BMW.

It's white. Her car is definitely white. She looks like she's the best aunt in the world but goes hard in the paint on the weekend. Yeah, she's been partying too much. Don't call Aunt Debbie on Mondays because you know she's going to recover to Tuesdays. She's going to get kidnapped probably, and something could happen to her if she doesn't take care of herself because she's kind of an at-risk woman, it seems like. Yeah, the red shoes give me a should-do-anything vibe.

Oh, yeah. She's excited about the future, but she's also nervous about where she is. She still has some court proceedings to go to, and who knows what can happen. And she hasn't really told the kids everything that's going on. Yeah, but I think she looks like she's going through a divorce, but it's not official yet. Yeah.

Like they're separated. And she doesn't really want it to be, but it is where she is. And sometimes that's what's going on, and it's just hard to deal with what's going on. And it shows the curveball and just shows up with Terrence, the giant black guy at the house. And the dad's like, what the fuck, man? She's like, what? We've moved on.

Yeah. Like this is how this story ends. Yeah. So it could be anything could happen tonight. And I just hope she stays safe out there because there's a lot of shady men out there and lesbian women who want to take advantage of our women. Don't forget about them, too. We can't let the lesbo slide, you know?

Like, they'll fucking, they'll get after it, too, now. Dude, a couple of lesbian ladies cut my car tires one night so I couldn't take a girl home that I met. Oh, God. Fucking cock cock at the fullest. I thought you were going to say they cut your hair. No. But they do hit me up on the D.O. for fucking hair tips. I thought you were going to say they cut your hair. No, but they do hit me up on the DL for fucking hair tips.

I bet, bro. It's just a one, honey, and let the fun roam in the back. Yep, that's right, bitch. What else we got? All right, now it's debate club. Finally, I thought we'd been debating this whole time. This is from Ashley Hainman. Hey, Vernon and Theo.

What's up, girl? I don't know if you guys would debate what is worse, kids on leashes or dogs in strollers. Okay. Let us know what you think. That looks like one of those, first of all, one of those Chinese dogs that's on Xanax so they can put it on Instagram, which should be very illegal. I don't know if you've seen those Japanese gerbils and dogs that they're putting them, dropping them pills into and them lewds. They're getting them hopped up on lewds so they can make nice pictures of them on the internet with their tongues out of their mouth.

Look at that guy. Look at this cry for help. Dude, that's a NyQuil baby. Yeah. What's that dog's name? Elizabeth Smart. Okay. This dog is not being treated well.

There's bad stuff happening here. As a dad, you don't have kids yet, but you'll realize as a dad, they're not your slaves. Don't put them on leashes. You don't put kids on leashes. Save that for the fucking dogs. They're humans, so why would you have them on a leash, you fucking animals? I love seeing a kid on a leash. A bunch of screams, I suck at parenting.

That's fine. I'd love to see eight kids on a huge leash and pulling an old man through the sleigh with a bunch of fucking gifts. You know what I'm talking about? Like slaves. Yeah. Well, no, bro. No, bro. Also, put the dog in the fucking cart, man.

That's supposed to be your quote unquote best friend. I'll push you around in the car, bro. We're boys. I'll do it for you. Why not do it for your dog? Yeah, that's the thing. Look, if the kid's on a leash, if he your dog? Yeah, that's the thing. Look, if the kid's on a leash, if he's being good, take him off the leash, throw the Frisbee,

let him have some fun in the yard. Bro, he's not a dog. A lot of these kids are acting like little bitches. So a lot of them are dogs. And here's what I'm saying about this. I'm a dog. A lot of that dog is a dog. It's supposed to be your best friend. Now you're not supposed to kidnap it and put it on a leash and dress him up, you know, in a little fairy tale outfit or a little fairy costume. Doing it for the gram. Doing it for the wrong reasons is what I see. Yeah, that's not a Stockholm Syndrome victim you're wearing just because you're sporting around because you don't want to make real friends.

A dog is a little animal that stays by the door and have a snack. And every time you walk in, it pretends you won the Super Bowl. Yeah. And you can't push that thing around a goddamn cart for a few miles? Yeah. Selfish bitches. Well, just let a dog be a dog and find a real friend. So kids on leashes, I say yes.

I say hell no. Really? Be better parents. I say leash these kids up, dude. Put it around their neck. They're not kids right now, bro. I did a rod these bitches, bro. You look like the type of guy who puts cashew butter on his nuts and lets his dog lick it off.

What do you got, Jim? So they're saying which one's worse, and the fans agreed that 55% say kids on leashes. Wow. Definitely worse. Dogs and strollers just yells, I don't have shit going on. Yeah, I agree. So I decided to do this. I agree.

I gave up on my life, so I'm just going to make this dog look neat. Yeah. That's 100% what it is. What else you got? All right. This is from Nathaniel Franco. Oh, yeah. Poet, huh?

What the fuck is up, Theo and Brendan, you beautiful sons of bitches? Damn, bro. All right, man. Beautiful eyes. I'm Nathaniel Franco, and I'm coming from Midland, Texas. Great eyebrows. I got a debate for y'all. American muscle or imported?

Choose wisely. Damn. We're talking like American bodybuilders? What kind of muscle are we talking here? Is that J-Rod's little brother? Because that guy. They have the same intensity, don't they? What's up, bitches?

Damn, bro. Ain't going to be bitches. Dude, back off the Four Sigmatic fucking hype tea, brother. Back off the fucking Four Clover energy drink. That should have given you a heart attack. Dude, it looks like your black rifle is fully loaded, dog. It seemed like this dude's snorting the grounds, brother. Thank you, Daniel, for this submission.

Appreciate it, though. Yeah, man. His question was, oh, American muscle or uh foreign cars before he answers come i'm saying he's talking yeah cars i thought he was talking about dudes for a second we can get to that but let's start with cars and obviously i'm more of a car guy than you are so let me just list off some foreign cars for you make the decision okay so form we talk about luxury cars we're talking ferrari it's all foreign okay fer, Lamborghini, Maserati, Bentley, Rolls Royce. Or what? That's all BMW. What is it? G-wagons. Those are all foreign. Porsches,

foreign. Foreign cars. That's foreign. So I just gave you Land Rover, Range Rover. That's all foreign. Now, is that group of cars? Keep telling me that, dude. I know. I don't know what about them. That's just the point of this. So American muscle would be Camaros, Mustangs, Stingrays, Challengers, Barracudas, Road Dogs. What about that Renault? Yeah, sure. Renault. Oh, Renault.

That's French. Yeah, that's... What about that Ford Escort, baby, at 1984 with the fucking sticker on the back that says, don't be a pussy on it? That'd be American pussy. With that hatchback, son. You can't beat something with a hatchback. So I go American muscle, baby.

If you want something, a hatchback is a great way to meet somebody or kidnap somebody. Yeah, they don't really make hatchbacks anymore, although Ferrari did do one recently. I would say in the 60s and 70s, American muscle all fucking day. Currently, foreign cars all goddamn day. You still got your Vipers. You got your Challengers.

You got your fucking Hellcats. You got the Demons. Oh, yeah. You got the Mustangs. What are these, Little League fucking basketball teams? No, no. These are grown men's cars. You got the Corvette.

Although, when you drive a convertible Corvette, it just yells out kind of midlife crisis. Yeah. I think Callan's going to get a yellow convertible one. I could see that. Me too. Right now, he's going through it. Do you think of it? Oh, yeah.

Well, do you think this, though, that America can make a comeback with the cars or it's just too much sold out about, like now it's too much about safety, it's too much about, you know, because it used to be you got that metal. You was in that fucking steel cage. That thing was like this when you was in there. You fucking, you know, you get in with your teeth spaced out and you get out with them fixed. You know, it was like, it smelled

like gasoline. If you lit a cigarette, the whole fucking thing blew up. But y'all still fucked. That goat cart bomb. Yeah. It was beautiful. That was an American machine, you know. Dodge and Ford and Chevy make some of those. You don't see them as much. Like, they got the ZR1.

They got the Hellcat. They got the Hemis now. You got your Ford Raptors. You got fucking Z06s. I'll Uber. I think I'll Uber. You gonna Uber in foreign or domestic? I think it depends on what country I'm in.

So I would probably Uber domestic. That's fair. But they both have their highlights. I'm a Porsche guy, though. But I also drive a Ford. What's up? Yeah. So none of this makes any sense.

What was this man's problem again? You don't have a problem. No. But I go American muscle when we're talking about straight up American muscle, although I'm a Porsche guy. And Theo's just glad to be here. If you're talking about actual muscle, I would say. Theo thought you were talking about helium balloons.

I'd say Mexican muscle, man. Get you a little thing of test 200. That Mexicano. Go to Cancun and fucking split a bottle with your buddy, sneak it back in a shampoo bottle. Oh, you know what it should be? It should be Mexican steroids or Russian steroids. Ooh. Russian stuff is good, but it makes your head square.

That Mexican shit makes you kind of leaky and greasy, like somebody will pat you on the back, and their hand is like, you know. And you automatically get a ponytail when you take Mexican steroids. You just get a ponytail, a fucking mustache, and you start, hey, Holmes. Like, it's very strange. Hey, papa.

Hey, Holmes. So I'm going to say I do imported steroids over American for now. I'll go with that Mexican steroid. Good call. Cool. Russian steroids make you hairy. Oh, dude, yeah, and it makes the women angry. And you get good at hacking the computers.

What else you got? The fans, 65% say American muscle. America. Two-term Trump. All right, this is... Oh, shit. Hold up, this is Kane Hurlburt. Oh, hell yeah.

What's up, fellas? Fuck yeah, dude. Kane from Indiana. Kane, Kane. Whoa. How cute is that? Aw. Is that a kidnap victim?

Oh, it's his son. He stole that car and the kid was in it. Got a debate club for you. Would you rather go the rest of your life with your name being mispronounced or misspelled? Oof. Gang, gang, buzz, buzz. Shout out to dad. Dad life, yo.

Take care. Theo Van. And Brandon Schwab. Theo Van. Theo Van. I'm going to use that, by the way. Shout out to Dad Life. You don't know shit about that.

Was that a dad or was it his small brother in the background? How's your plants doing, Theo? How's your plants doing? I have two plants. They're doing okay, actually. Yeah, I doubt you water them every day. Never give them attention. I've done things to them.

First of all, I want to say this, brother. You have, what was his name? Kane Helbert? Kane Helbert. Yeah. No one messes up Kane. One of the best rural wrestling names ever, Kane Helbert. It's a great name. It's nice to see.

I love your little brother in the back. It's his son, bro. It's his dad life. You don't know if it's a- Dad, dad. Could be a stepson. Hashtag daddy dads. The kid does look like him.

He looks like a beautiful young man. I'll say that, Kane. What was his question? Would you rather go to your life with your name misspelled or mispronounced now let me does anyone ever mispronounce or misspell Theo yeah

no Steve they used to write it as shut the fuck Steve all the time Steve your mom used to do that in homeschool she'd be like Steve

is there Steve in attendance that's just mean that's your mom fucking with you but like when you go to Starbucks has anyone ever fucked up Theo Tham they say Tham

sometimes well coming from Brendan when they say Brandon I'm so anal about it when I'm at steroids

when I'm at Starbucks when I'm getting steroids when I'm at Starbucks and they go we have a

cappuccino almond milk for a Brandon if I'm the only one in there I will wait it out

I'll be like there's no Brandon here there's a Brendan who's waiting for a Brandon. If I'm the only one in there, I will wait it out. I'll be like, there's no Brandon here. There's a Brendan who's waiting for a drink, so I'll wait until Brendan's called. I'm that guy. Oh, you mean an asshole? Nah, man. How about this? How hard is it?

How hard is it, bro? I get fired up about it, man. Think if you went by Theodoro, people are going to fuck it up all the time. Theodore? Theodoro. Theodoro. Yeah, Theodoro means I adore you to fuck it up all the time. Theodore. Theodoro. Yeah, Theodoro means I adore you. I'll say this, brother.

Here's the thing that happened is, if you're at the place, and they've been in there since 4 a.m., fucking shoveling coffees to everybody, Maurice, Carlton, Damien, fucking Rodondra. Sure. Especially in L.A., people come in with all kinds of fucking shit names, Starbucks, plant, wallpaper, motherfuckers. Yeah, little bitch. Starbucks. Acting names. Plant. Wallpaper. Brian Starr.

Yeah, little bitch. That's every other person's name out here. It's like, how do you even? All the rappers are little something. Yeah, little bitch, little Xanax, little death. Yes. You know? How many people got to die before we realize that, like, all of these kids are just addicted to pills, you know?

Here's what I'm saying is, man, these people, what was the question? Damn, bro, you on that? You back on the pills? No, I'm saying is, man, these people, what was the question? Damn, bro, you on that? You back on the pills? No, I'm good. Okay. The question was, have your name mispronounced or misspelled all the goddamn time? For the rest of your life. For the rest of your life.

Misspelled. For sure, misspelled. That's easy. Mispronounced, that just means they don't respect you. Yeah. They just don't know your fucking name. Misspelled means they're just an idiot, or they just don't know all the letters. Or they grew up in the digital age, so you don't need to know how to spell, really. Your spell means they're just an idiot. You know, or they just don't know all the letters. Or they just,

they grew up in the digital age so you don't need to know how to spell really. Your phone corrects you. Yeah, that's true, dude. That's, yeah. Look at the Brendan Schaup a bit.

There's no, how many letters are there? Seven? Who even knows? And look how far I've moved. You know what I'm saying? What's up, bro? That's true.

So I would say misspelling is fine because Brendan mispronounces things all the time. All the time. And I talk for a living, bro. That's true. Yes, sir say misspelling is fine because Vernon mispronounces things all the time. All the time. I talk for a living, bro. That's true. Yes, sir. I can't even read.

Yeah. That's what I'm saying. And let's document that because that's going to go to court sometime. Can't even read. No idea. 69% of the fans agree with you, so they'd rather have it pronounced correctly. That was too easy. Shout out to that dad, though.

We got that right. Yeah. Good luck to you, Mr. Halbert. Keep doing that daddy life. That's it for Debate Club. So if you guys out to that dad, though. We got that right. Yeah, good luck to you, Mr. Halbert. Keep doing that daddy life. That's it for Debate Club. So if you guys want to do Start My Heart. Damn, are we already through it? Yeah.

Yeah. Wow. Wow, this went fast, bro. Yeah. It goes fast. It did, man. Time keeps on ticking. Ticking, ticking.

Into the future. Dude, how long do you think you'll be alive for, man? I was thinking about that the other day. Probably another 10 years. Really? Me? 10 years, max. No.

Yeah, I'm dying early for sure. Wow. Yeah, I know. Why do you want to go dark? Why do you think you'll be around until you're 100? Yeah, I could probably do about 90. You're going to be the ugliest old guy of all time. Oh, yeah.

You're going to hang under your hair. It's just going to fall the times and go, let's pull it all the way back. And I'm going to make sounds when I'm breathing. Because when you're old, people just invite you over and they watch you eat and then they put you by the fucking window. How crazy is that? And just have you stare out the window. It makes sounds. You can be that 90-year-old going, gang, gang.

Gang, gang, gang, gang. That's going to be horrible. And you're going to have a heart on your sweats the whole time when you're 90. You're going to be that creepy grandpa. Oh, yeah. That fucking Dick Reddy, they call him. I'm going to change my nickname to Dick Reddy. Richard Reddy.

Richard Reddy. Teddy Dick Reddy Rupskin. I got to start my heart. Start my heart this week mine goes out to Chris Farley who on Friday it was his can we look it up Jim? I think it was his 57th birthday 55th birthday

I wanna say what about 1964 so I can't add. But also Ralphie May, too. If we're going to go down that road, brother. Can someone do the math? Look how bad we are these days.

I haven't paid attention. You ever get customer service these days? You go somewhere, you give the guy a 20. It takes four minutes for him to know how much change to give back to you. 55. 55 years old. Jim just said 55. Chris Farley would have been 55 this past, last Friday.

And, you know, just a man, just so much energy. And, like, I think about that guy and just, you know, probably a lot of the demons he had. I mean, there's some amazing stories about him out there just doing coke and, you know, hanging his butt out of, like, an 11th story window him shitting out of the window no i didn't i went to the vmas though one time a long time ago and i sat behind his brother oh wow and um we have a picture of him in this past weekend studio that was drawn by this guy brady matthews and that's amazing piece of work and his brother kevin sent me an email the other day and said hey i saw that you had a drawing of my brother up in your studio, and I thought it was really nice. Oh, wow, that's cool. And it was just nice of him to send that.

It just warmed my heart. And so to Chris Farley, I just think, you know, sometimes you have too much talent for the world. There's just too much going on inside of you. And, I mean, that guy, if you watch him when he came on to Letterman to the Tonight Show one time, or to Late Night, it's absolutely unbelievably funny if you go and YouTube that, and we'll put that in the links of the time when he came out

onto the Tonight Show or the Late Show, whichever one it is. He's a tidal wave man of talent. Just a tidal wave of talent, and a tidal wave just of excitement and joy. Lovable, right? And just so lovable. So, yeah, that would be my start, my heart, I think. And it was actually the other show it wasn't it'd be on letterman i know what you're talking about chris farley's first letterman

interview yeah jim's the worst googler of all time we'll figure why why is that but he's hard working at it though yeah he's like maybe we're gonna play it now no okay no but you guys go and check it out the first time he comes out it's i mean the crowd you just see how much energy and yeah he was like an ocean he was a tidal wave of just fucking charisma and talent yeah and laughter and he just mastered it he'd absolutely mastered it so chris frawley start my heart uh my start my heart this week would be uh a guy he's a doorman at the comedy store his name's amad hassan he's a doorman at the commie store. His name's Ahmad Hassan. He's a door guy there. He's opened up for me in San Jose, and he did a spot for me at the Ice House most recently. But I was talking to him when I was doing a set on Saturday night, and he goes, yeah, bro, this is my last year at the commie store. He's been a door guy there for a hot second. Really?

And he's mixed, too, isn't he? His dad's a NASCAR rocket scientist. Wow. Yeah, he's Indian. So he's going to be dad's a NASCAR rocket scientist. Wow. Yeah, he's Indian. So he's going to be probably a serial killer or shooter. Maybe. We're trying to be positive, though. My bad.

Yeah, and I do know Hasan. He's a great guy. Hasan's a great dude, but I thought it was interesting and inspiring because he goes, I gave myself the, at the end of the year, I'm going to stop working here. I went, well, shit, do you have another plan? He goes, nope. Wow. I just know that guy's getting this rut here, and they'll just stay here.

He goes, I want to grow and evolve as a comic. I'm still going to do spots here, but I'm going to risk it all and leave and try and find my own way. I thought it was really inspiring, so shout out to him, man. Shout out to Hasan, and that's true. That's that bird bath syndrome. You know, if you have an ocean, right, and say there's a bird coming from, let's say say Ohio, and he's headed to the Pacific ocean. If you put a bird bath 200 yards

from the Pacific ocean, a bird will stop there at that bird bath and never go to the ocean. So sometimes, you know, you got to seagull it, get your ass in that water. You got to seagull it out. And he's ready. It seemed to seem like he's ready to seagull it. You want to be a big bird. He won't be that stupid bird in the lawn. Yeah. That kid still rocks that. Yeah. He wanted to be that big bird sipping on that seawater and fucking eating shrimp. Yeah, he can't be some little bitch-ass fucking nightingale over there fucking just milling around in Encino.

Here's the other thing about- The ocean is right there. Yeah. Here's the other thing about Ahsan. He went to University of San Diego, and his dad's a rocket scientist. So he dropped out and was like, I'm going to be a comic dad. And his dad's like, wow, terrible idea. Rocket scientist, dude.

And is that a real rocket scientist, you think? Real rocket scientist. Talk about flat earth with his dad. Enjoy that. I like rockets, man. Me too, dude. So shout out to him. And that's my tug, or pull my heart, whatever.

Tug my nuts, whatever we're doing these days. You can do tug my nuts. It's a little different. My tug my nuts this day was Sherry, who I met in Ohio. Just kidding. I can't believe that Chloe's still hitchhiking out there with that fucking camouflaged limb. She's trying to come here to fucking wear our skin as costumes. Dude, yeah.

It definitely seems like that's a crazy way to just, it looks like she's like, yeah. It looks like she's the Antonio Brown of tampons. Like she's just catching those bitches. Dude. I mean, that is. She's got that Randy. She's the fucking Larry Fitzgerald of STDs. Larry Splits Gerald.

I don't know if she's shaved or if she's got that Randy Moss down there, but I will say this. There's more than one way to eat a Reese's. We'll see you guys next week. Peace. Peace. Peace. Peace. Talkin' bout anything The king and the king

Talkin' bout anything Said if you know what's trendin' Send it in to Theo and Brandon They'll just remember having an empty So don't you dare get offended Cause king of the sting You better get that can in and bring it You twist it up and we'll bring it

Out of the box without thinkin' The king and the king The king in the stand The king in the stand Oh, oh It's the king in the stand